OMG – This is so great!
written by Rori Raye •
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:23am
didn’t click the link. looked suspicious. is this for real?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:30am
What a hilarious story. That laugh really felt good.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:32am
I feel peaceful. Like I don’t care what happens, and it feels empowering.
I feel a shift. I’m changing and I feel like the men in my life are changing. A lot of the “old men” from when I first started my little transformation process really feel icky and pathedic to me now.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that they are icky and pathedic in and of themselves, I’m just leaving them behind, and hoping the best for them, that they’ll continue to grow and find women (who aren’t me!) who will help them shift and grow.
It feels really, really good leaving them behind. I feel bored and over at least three of them.
I still feel unsure about Mr. Stares-me-down. I saw him out yesterday, and he turned around and looked at me, and I couldn’t believe how easy it was to lean back and *genuinely* smile big.
When I did that, his body language changed. It was like his body expanded and he shifted and turned around to where he was ALMOST facing me. (we were both talking to different groups of people)
but then he got done talking and I felt like he was waiting for me to go over there. (eww) I wasn’t done talking yet, and I sensed that he got really frustrated? or something and gave up and walked off.
It made me feel a little guilty, but a little amused too for some reason.
We were the closest physically we had been since our little introductory chat.
I finally got a good look at him. I can’t believe how gorgeous he is! He’s really tall and has nice arms.
just another guy.
I’m so over scared little boys!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:48am
ooooooh that was just so funny, I laughed so hard…oooh, and I pray this NEVER happens to me.
I only had a little cringe story, and I told it here before because it was really hilarious. When I was at MrP’s house and the toilet did not flush (because he had just cleaned it enthusiastically when I informed him I needed to go, for my pee to be received in a fitting receptacle, I guess).
So I waited, and waited and pressed the lever…in the end I was like a woman possessed. Nothing. So I came out of the bathroom (bearing in mind this was our first date after we had kind of lost contact for a long time, and one of my first dates with him anyway, prob number 4 – I was very nervous).
I felt very small. I said: ermmm…sorry MrP but I can’t flush the toilet, and I feel embarrassed now.
He laughs, stomps to the bathroom – first thing he does is open the toilet lid (I cringe at this point and say: nooooooooooo, don’t!!!!) and he drops it again and says: ‘what’s the big deal, it’s only a number 1, and besides, we just have to wait a couple of minutes and it will flush’.
OMG I could have killed him. Major cringey moment…and it happened next time I was at his house – same thing, exactly the same thing.
So now I have a key to the flat next door and my own toilet. Yes, I know, it is hilarious, but true….
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:20am
Feeling super smiley now after reading that story..it has been a giggly kinda day. Yay! No man in sight..maybe that’s the trick, ha!!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:22am
That was hilarious, well-written and probably something we all can relate to …at least partially! lol GREAT example of how you “can’t do the wrong thing with the right man”…LOL!!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:27am
Wow….That was So Funny. I cried…Wow. I had to stop myself from reading a couple of times…Unbearably Funny.
I feel amazing.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:42am
hey ! i get it… my wrestle with the word ‘humble ‘ is over
its like down to earth? ok better but
actually that means
non judgemental !!! yayayyayayayayyayaa
ew thought of the fart article
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:44am
but yes Daria it was Gross too.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:50am
When you woke up this morning, how did you feel?
Did you feel good about yourself?
Did you feel sexy?
Did you feel strong and powerful?
When you put on your clothes, did you feel hot, sexy, and confident?
Or are you not feeling sexy because you don’t like the outfit you’re wearing.
Or you don’t feel confident because your shoes aren’t exactly you favorites.
Or maybe this is it: you don’t feel good because your insides are not full of love for yourself.
I know when I dress like shit it’s because I don’t feel good on the inside. My inward expression became my outward expression.
When I wake up in the morning and I feel great, my clothes match my attitude. I always reach for my favorite things: my favorite jeans, my favorite shirt, my favorite pair shoes.
But I know when I don’t feel good on the inside, I don’t shower in the mor ning,I walk around in a t-shirt, my hair is usually standing up like a wolfman, and a pair of shorts that I probably don’t even like.
When you don’t feel good on the inside, your outside will show it too.
But more importantly, you’re not going to attract anybody. There’s no way you can attract a great man when you do not love yourself inside and out.
As humans, we smell each other out. Our subconscious minds are communicating even when we’re not.
So you’ve got to start from the inside every single day and fall in love with yourself more and more every day, so that way you’ll be able to attract and meet the love that you desire, want, and deserve.
See you soon,
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:51am
Something wonderful is happening woth G!
First…Big thanks to dominique for posting the link to her blog post about a man healing through your heart. I took it to heart and very seriously.
I have to say WOW!
The past few days have been like magic! It started with him just tossing me $20 for no real apparent reason and saying “Here! dunno what it’s for but i’m sure it’ll come in handy!” Then…He has said “I love you” several times a day all weekend long. He is showering me with touch and affection. He SANG to me on saturday twice. Making up his own words to existing songs “I was made for lovin you rachie, you were made for lovin me….” hehehe Oh that felt so sweet and wonderful! There’s more, but the rest is all vibe and hard to describe.
It’s just a huge shift for us both and I feel great!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:11am
oh man, feeling triggered. just remembered this time when Big H (short for big heartache) looked at me at an “off moment” when I was feeling disconnected from him and started singing “we used to be in love…” and I said, “should I know that song?” and he was just like “…uh, I don’t know…”
man, I miss his voice! It’s okay. I’m healed. I’ll find somebody else with a nice deep voice.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:27am
Miss Stix – can u repost the link to the blog? I feel curious but to lazy search for it.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:29am
ps – sounds great Miss Stix
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:30am
oooh… MissStix, yeah!!!
M was singing to me last week too, first he just started singing, then he said it was all about me ‘do you know how beautiful you are’ that was in the lyrics and he said that songs makes him think of me
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:33am
Would this really turn off any man? Men are naturally gross.
17 Goddess..too funny. But also right. It is a man’s prerogative to have the monopoly on farting in the relationship.
I like it how for a few months they pretend that they don’t do it..but then when the first one has sneaked out it’s like a licence to carry on. Pfff.
I have been told that men just have a lot more air in them. Not sure if that is ‘hot air’ but I suspect so
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:36am
This is the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzR7u4rwFSY
He was singing to me and about me
I feel like I am sharing a really big secret here with my Sister Sirens.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:37am
Someone just contacted me on okCupid saying ‘looks like you are very nice and honest’
Yikes, sounds like I am a sleeping tablet.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:38am
oh… feeling blue. Just looked up the lyrics and they are also sad…
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:39am
SA, read the story if you haven’t yet. It’s impossible to feel blue while reading that.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:41am
I just did. That is sooo funny!!! Ha ha ha! Way to go life saving rack… and that is instant intimacy!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:45am
19 – Thanks for sharing! Beautiful song!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:53am
I want ice-cream…
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:57am
Heart – http://sexandheart.com/your-mans-healing-heart
You are so welcome MissStix.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:21am
LOL read this one before, it was tooooo funny
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:23am
I got this letter from Allana Pratt yesterday and loved it so much, I wanted you to see it.
Note from Rori: Normally we don’t normally allow a direct copy/paste without attribution and a link, but since we know Allana and this is a great piece, we got permission from her and added a link to the end so you can check out her site.
I Thought It Was Him But it Was Me – by Allana Pratt
OK. I’m dating this new man. I was feeling very crunchy, pissed off by his lack of being impeccably present, grounded or thinking positively. Grrrrr….
I was going through my normal reasoning of why this one won’t work either. I was NOT doing my feminine practices, not feeling my feelings, not telling the truth with kindness and honesty… I was pushing him away and being a bitch, CONVINCED it was him.
Then, bless him, he suggested we go for a vigorous hike to get the juices flowing, energy moving. I could feel the anger in me welling up, all prickly from the inside out, wanting to SCREAM!
We got back to my place and began to talk. I could feel under the anger was a huge welling up of tears and I took a breath and decided to show him my fears. I told him to please only say ‘Thank you’ to everything I said, just hear me please.
Then I sobbed and sobbed about how scared I was to let a man support me, hold me, care for me, protect me, be there for me, let me rest and finally truly completely exhale. I shared that I was so terrified to open and risk being let down, risk being taken advantage of, risk being used or abandoned.
All this sorrow from my childhood came up and I could see that all my exhaustion has come from keeping it together and doing it all myself. This wasn’t just with men, this was with God. I was even afraid that God would ultimately forget about me.
What was beautiful was that he just GOT me. He followed my request to just say thank you.
When I was ready I let him hold me. It was not him. It was me. The sweet little scared girl inside me was trying to protect me from getting hurt. By honoring her fears, feeling those fears, sharing those fears, the little girl felt heard and validated and now the big Allana could see clearly from a place of deep wisdom and gentle strength.
Then I made us an egg breakfast bagel for dinner, and now he’s taking me to Willie Nelson tomorrow. (I know, don’t tell anyone. I love country).
Thank you for listening to my journey. I want you to know that while I’m a kick ass coach, I am humbled by my humanity and hope my experiences can expand you and kiss the place inside where you are scared.
From my heart to yours,
Be Sexy. Be Whole. Be YOU.
Allana – http://www.HowToBeAndStaySexy.com
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:24am
When he texted me yesterday- ‘Prefer to meet in the evening’ I replied ‘agreed’. Could he get offended by it? Like I don’t want him at my party? It’s a cultural thing, I don’t feel it
@ Heart – your new gravatar makes me feel sad. why a broken heart? why not a big, beautiful, glowing, healing heart? (((Heart)))
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:26am
Can I ask what SA and MissStix think?
How could that offend him? You are over thinking…I think he is more of a friend not a boyfriend at all by his actions.
It shouldnt be that hard to make plans with someone you have been seeing for 8 months. Like if he wanted to see you he would pick up the phone hi hun, I will pick you up at 8. Done.
That is how I see it.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:29am
I feel very concerned and sort of in disbelief at how you rethink everything in your head so many times. It is just a text. Yes, it could have been a little warmer, but I really don’t think your ‘agreed’ will make a difference at this point.
I would ask myself if I am really doing all this dating, and the wondering about if he will see you tonight and about sharing what you did last night by text, for you or for an agenda. Agendas feel kind of yuck. I believe you need to do some self reflection here.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:45am
I feel sick of giving it silent treatment. Maybe I should say what I really think for once? To text: I didn’t like to wait and be notified late. Hope you are feeling better today
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:47am
I believe you are more attached to the ’8 months of a relationship that could have been leading to such and such’ than to him at all.
Aw, I feel sad and frustrated when I read you constantly questioning every extreme tiny element of your involvement with Smartcd.
I have read your quick positive, rori-like answers to other siren’s questions…I wonder if there is any way to take any of that in for yourself.
The topic of this post seems perfect for your situation if you can take it in…”you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man….”
Aw, do some things that really feel good to you that perhaps having nothing to do with any men. What do you like? And, just get busy doing them and when you hear those negative sounding questions just brush them aside and get back to what you are doing…
You can so do what you tell others to do!
Iamabutterfly – it’s a heart cake….I pretend the missibg piece iw in my tummy It’s not meant to be sad….Do u feel sad Iamabutterfly? Well if u do – Have some cake! Sorry I feel zany right now …I’ll be changing it soon.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:49am
If you must absolutely text and get some clarity for your sanity, I would text this:
‘There is something that has been on my mind. I would feel better if I could share it with you. Can we talk tonight?’ You can even add some times you are free to talk.
Do realize this is leaning forward big time. I don’t think SmartCD (I would call him FlingCD) deserves it right now. But if you must. By all means please at least Rockstar it. Do not mention the dates, it would just be spewing green jealousy yuck revenge blurb.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:50am
#26 Dominique – exploring it now…
If your life was full of things that made you feel alive…you would barely even notice this smartcd who is giving you so very little…
What do you love????
Art? Mani/pedi’s? Swimming? Dancing? International movies? Learning languages? Walking in the sunshine? Reading novels or autobiographies or self-help? And, get busy on you! Your vibe will change big time and you will most likely attract many men…Smartcd who???
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:51am
I feel for you, I really do. I know this sucks and it hurts. I am trying to be supportive and I feel compassion for your situation and I apologize . if I sound harsh, it is not my intention. I feel like shaking you up a bit. Sorry.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:52am
I feel scared I am doing it wrong, playing a game or something and not doing the right thing. I don’t know what the right thing is. I can at least express that I was unhappy about last night?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:53am
Can we talk tonight?
Many men will run for the hills when they get this question. With his track record thus far I would assume that would be his reaction. That would make the self-esteem drop even further. Then again I might be wrong. I feel if left alone, he will get back in touch pretty soon.
Memulo it is beyond sad, watching your process. I have to admit.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:54am
I agree with FW… maybe drop the ‘can we talk tonight?’
Also, he might be figuring out on his own, like a man, what he really wants from you, if anything, or everything. If you disturb this process, it may backfire.
Up to you.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:57am
Why can’t I say I feel bad about last night? Oh I can’t do anything right anymore. My thoughts are spinning. Of course I am not going to mention dates, this was just a crazy angry thought. Why can’t I just say I felt bad to be stood up last night?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:58am
A successful relationship must have at least 20 positive interactions for every bad interaction.
At this point, I would leave it alone. Best it be him that initiates if you want a positive reaction, or at least for him to hear anything you say.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:59am
A really bad relationship only has 5 positive interactions for every bad one.
You do the math.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:00am
Why can’t I just say I felt bad to be stood up last night?
You can. Then what?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:02am
I see a crack of light coming through ” Of course I am not going to mention dates, this was just a crazy angry thought.” Yes, Memulo, continue on that path. Feel it, sink it, process it, grow.
He can be fed up with my silence also, don’t you think? When he wrote ‘hello?’ on Sat night this is what he implied.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:05am
For all you know he could be assuming that you had such a fun time at the party you did not miss him.
What if you didnt mention seeing the profile at all? What do you think of that? How does the thought of this make you feel? Who do you need to trust? Why?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:06am
Hello is hello.
No implication of anything. It seems you are determined to self destruct.
Where is Starla.
You can’t know what he thinks, because you are not in his head, you are not him. You are YOU. This is wasted energy and time.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:07am
I believe this man is going through a process for himself right now and instead of going through YOUR process for YOU, you are trying to figure HIS out, when you should figure YOU out. For ANYONE to want to be with you.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:08am
Memulo, are you actually reading our responses to your painful journey?
Because you are repeating this pattern ad infinitum. Where and when does the learning process start?
I would focus on trying to find out what needs to be healed inside of you, because I fear that there is some issue (and I can say this because it reminds me of me and my issues and I have plenty, possibly much more so than you).
It really has nothing at all to do with the man anymore, you are obsessively obsessing and I agree with FW, it is excrutiating to watch actually.
Please, look after yourself, you really need to start to look after yourself and make yourself your number 1 priority. You deserve to be your priority and you need to be your priority in order to become a man’s priority. If you don’t respect yourself, how can he?
By being constantly in his head and questioning yourself, you show yourself zero respect and care. I feel sad to see this.
Sending you lots of love. I feel frustrated
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:13am
@36 Heart – aw, now that I understand it, it feels happy, fresh, yummy, and fun. I don’t feel sad, yay. I feel…giggly.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:14am
It would feel so good to read about you processing what is going on inside of YOU, instead of what he’s now thinking or doing.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:16am
I could call tonight and ask how he feels and how today turned out, he was supposed to have a tough day
Love Note of the Week:
The common denominator in all your relationships is YOU!
“Knowing that we hold the common thread means that when we have a shift, a growth spurt, our relationships will in turn have a shift and evolve. As we grow and elevate along our path, we will attract a partner at a new level. This is a gift of deep understanding as this knowledge empowers us to make the necessary changes that allow us to create what we desire. If you do not like what your results have been in relationship, look no further than the mirror to discover the cause…and the solution.”
We are here to support you on your path to love.
Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:18am
A human response to ‘I’m sick’ is to ask how he is feeling today, no?
I am reading, I just can’t decide anything and have a new fear every few minutes. I feel that I am not doing the right thing and I don’t know ehat that is
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:20am
I give up.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:21am
I have attracted a partner at a new level! Yeah!
I had a wonderfully romantic date on saturday night with BB. Just started emailing with him on Monday last week…Spoke on Friday and a lovely date on Saturday night at a romantic italian restaurant!
And, I was so authentic..sharing myself and my feelings and asking for what I wanted. I felt a bit high maintenance for needing to adjust the time by half an hour….after he had made reservations…
Aw, I felt so taken care of! And, he told me he would so rather know what makes me happy then to find out later that I was not happy! And, he so picked up on my using the feeling word in emails…He is truly interested in how I am feeling now! So very sweet!
I feel all warm and fuzzy…so different from how I have felt in times past with an anxiety and worry and extreme ups and downs..this feels more like a steady warm and cozy feeling.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:24am
At the moment I want to express my gratitude to Rori and all of you who have and do share here!
It is reading everyone’s stories and triggers and triumphs that has helped me to evolve!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:26am
@61 Memulo – Stop. Breathe in and and out. Notice any sensations in your body. How do you feel? Do you feel scared? Do you feel tense? How does your chest feel? How does your heart feel? How do your arms and hands and head feel?
What emotions are there?
I haven’t been keeping up with your situation, but I can feel Sirens’ frustration with you, because you are in masculine energy right now, which isn’t helping you.
If you can GET OUT of your head THINKING about HIM, and INTO your body FEELING YOU, your whole vibe will totally shift.
YOU will STOP worrying about HIM, and FEEL YOURSELF. and it might feel scary, sad, angry, tense, whatever, but once you allow yourself to FEEL, you’ll FEEL BETTER and STOP WORRYING.
then, he might even reach out to YOU!
but YOU won’t get the results YOU want by focusing on HIM.
I understand, girl. I’ve been there.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:27am
I think at this point I would recommend just following your gut and doing/saying whatever feels best to you.
This constant worrying and second guessing is way more destructive than anything you could possibly say to him.
Just do what you want to do and see what happens and then adjust from there.
Be a rockstar instead of a worrying old nanny.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:28am
Why is it a bad idea to write that I felt upset he didn’t tell me earlier and hope he feels better today?
Take a breath! Whewf! It’s all too much eh?
I’d rather not get into analyzing tiny details, but it looks to me like he is checked out. This text “I’m sick.” is just so short and frank and it’s simply not enough. A text like this from a man would just pi$$ me off too. It would also tell me something. It would tell me he is not putting enough effort into me. Not enough effort to deserve my attention. He did not even make enough effort to give you a possible time to meet or even make a plan!
And it feels bad. It feels annoying, frustrating, infuriating even! Do you agree? It’s just not enough. This is the conclusion…
So…What do you do now?
Give up. I’m serious! Give it up. No more analyzing. No more worrying about the details. Sink in and feel how it all makes you feel. But do not analyze or worry. Just feel. Just be. Turn your focus around onto you (like other sirens are damn near begging you to do :p). Date, if it feels good. But for no other reason than it feels good. You do not need to tell him. He has not offered you a commitment, so there is no need to tell him.
Do not contact him until he contacts you. (he WILL contact you at some point) then when he does you get to be all “It feels so good to hear from you, but wow I have been busy and living and happy and feeling free etc etc!” and when he wonders what you’re doing you be honest “I’ve been hanging out with friends, dating, taking care of me etc etc” whatever else. And you allow him to react and you recieve and respond!
And if he wants to know why you’re dating, you be honest “well I have been feeling frustrated waiting for you to come around and it felt really good to get out and date.”
Go with the flow. Focus on you. Recieve, respond, be honest, and just love yourself through it all.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:29am
Do you know how to sink into your feelings & just experience them?
It’s not about ‘doing’ anything. You are supposed to be a siren, you are supposed to be leaning back & not over-functioning.
It feels sad to read that you are putting so much energy into this guy if he is making you feel humiliated, etc..
Does that make sense? Tell me if I am barking up the wrong tree…
In your past, has you previously felt anxiety and worry in the first week with a guy?
Tam that is where I am too. One thing I see clearly from Memulo, Memulo is that you are adamant to go headlong down the slope you have chosen.
I don’t see any indication of being able to be “led”.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:30am
Also, I’m still cding! Taking my time…Breathing…Letting it sit..doing my thing…Dancing tonight…Ah yes this feels divine…
If there is tons of anxiety and worry…something isn’t right and I would say from my experience it means one isn’t there completely for herself.
I feel fun! I don’t need anyone for me to feel happy and fun. Just be in that place. Then the amazing thing is how others want to join you. It feels so great!!!
I feel curious as to where Belle is. Reading her feels so awe-inspiring, tingly, and wow! It feels satisfying reading about her little triumphs and discoveries. if you read this Belle, hugs to you!
I am also stressed reading all the other sirens giving you the same advice time & time again and you are just asking the same questions repeatedly.
It feels really icky, like you are pressuring them to say what you want to hear, and then you are ignoring it or being grumpy if they don’t say the right thing.
Am I right? Apologies for being so blunt..
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:31am
Actually in the first week more over the top excitement…
What I do feel is that I’m much more open about who I am and what I’m looking for. That is creating more of a stable feeling to this.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:32am
Sorry for delayed responses btw! @work.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:35am
If you do not like what your results have been in relationship, look no further than the mirror to discover the cause…and the solution
Yes, FW, I love that line!!!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:36am
“you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man”
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:37am
I cant go into specifics about my situation, but I just wanted to say that the Blog is really helping me today
Everything you are saying to memulo resonates with me.I *am* manageing to lean back in actions but it is *so* hard to stop the obsesive thinking/.analysing/wondering what I might have done or said wrong to make him so silent after we had such a lovely time together recently
My heart feels tight and constricted in my chest.I feel choked up.I feel desperate and so so scared
I “could* send a text to rpovoke a reaction, and i might get one, but-a you say FW—”then what?”
Exactly.! I cant keep going through this pattern
Ive read a whole novel this evening, which helped a bit, but I wish I could switch ;these feelings off for a bit.It feeling overwhelming.Too much.Yuck
Tonught though I am going to carry on feeling them
And hopefully the intensity and pain will lessen
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:38am
lol… the 25 y.o. who jumped in the tiger cage at the Bronx zoo wanting “to be one with the tiger” reminds me so much of my first boyfriend…. lol i’m dying: “When police asked Villalobos why he would jump 17 feet into the tiger den, his response was simple: ‘Everybody in life makes choices.’” so true… omg ((((((ex)))))) amazing i love humans so so much : ))
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:40am
@61 Memulo – just so you know too, “I feel that…” isn’t a true feeling message. Daria would be ALL OVER you for saying that. (Because she wants to see you succeed!)
A true feeling message MUST be completed with an EMOTION.
keep practicing and don’t lose heart!
(because that’s where your gold is!)
i feel happy smile-y reading this: ” so silent after we had such a lovely time together recently”
Man Cave time maybe?
hope you have a nice, relaxing day : )
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:43am
Yet a person who is committed to creating a loving, committed, happy, healthy spiritual partnership in the very near future is going to behave very differently than a person who is still dealing with a sense of victimization about the poor parenting they received, or who sees themselves as someone who has a lot of “relationship issues,” or a person who has difficulty sustaining love and has many push-pull challenges in his or her intimate relationships.
So, the process of visioning is not simply you telling the Universe what it is that you want in your life. It is also a process of being willing to become the woman or man you would need to be to actually co-create and then sustain that relationship.
Been missing you.
I feel really excited. I’m going to give myself a little makeover. Haircut, mani, pedi. I’m also going to mini cleaning and organizing projects. Every space I am in will feel so warm and inviting. Yum, for fall.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:45am
@81 ruth – It feels so good to read through your healing. I feel inspired. (((((ruth))))
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:46am
@85 Feminine Woman – thank you for this. feels super helpful. i feel hopeful. i was in this place, but it feels freeing not to be there anymore.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:47am
Fighting negative voices today. Starbright, don’t read this post. I am not trying to take away from you sharing your joy.
In reading about people’s great first dates, I feel triggered. I remember my own absolutely wonderful first date with my recent ex. We spent 5 hours together and I was over the moon. I had never had that feeling before. And yet, it still ended. Ended with…we aren’t compatible….13 months later. We didn’t feel like we could really say anything to each other. I didn’t know about Rori then and I KNOW now that I did things that certainly didn’t help our situation but there were also red flags about his personality that I ignored. Things that I am happy to be without now. But when I remember how happy I was in those first few weeks, I feel confused. How could it change so much? I feel scared to trust a happy feeling on a great date (if I ever have another one). What’s a real red flag and what’s a personality quirk that shouldn’t matter? What does everyone think?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:49am
Everybody gives you good advice and you keep coming back to the same question, should I text him? No, if ever there was a time and a case for no contact it is now. He is offering you tiny tiny tiny crumbs. I dont think it is at all acceptable to cancel at the last moment via text, I am sick.
I would never ever feel good responding to a text like that.
Please try to see through the fog….
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:52am
Happy Monday, Sirens!
I tested myself this weekend. I spent a few hours with JC on Friday night, but he fell asleep on the couch watching a moivie and so when he woke up, I let him know I was tired too and needed to go home. When I left there, I thought – i would just be relieved to break up with this man – I’m too tired to try to be in a relationship with someone right now . . .
Sat i spent resting and just being me and by that night, i felt better. I texted GM and asked how his weekend was going and told him if he got free Sun evening, to let me know and we could meet for a hug, a beer and a laugh – I knew the chances were pretty good that he would not follow through with an actual invitation to meet him, even though he said “Ok” – he would only agree to go out if i texted him Sun night and said I was on my way . . .
So – I set myself up to be disappointed and i was. I did not hear from him yesterday. I went to bed early and now today I feel better about dating JC – I think part of my problem last week was how nice GM was to me about my son going into Marine Corps – he texted me all the things I needed to hear to feel better, then I started thinking I should not be seeing JC because I’d rather be with GM – but . . . that is not an option and JC is a perfectly sweet, caring man who deserves a chance.
SO – last night when JC texted me, i was nicer to him than I have been and used FM’s a lot – now today he has just asked me if I’d like to go to the beach with him in 2 weeks – win/win I sent him messages about how it would feel to kiss him at the beach . . . salty . . .with waves crashing . . . He said it sounded romantic. Yes, it does… Waitng for a man who does not want to be with me is stupid!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:53am
Aw, thanks FW That feels nice to read
Bloom-ing-i dont get the man cave thing at all
I feel really panicked by it
Still, this is more about me and my insecurities isnt it
Anyway, it *is helping me to read al your good advice-it just feels so difficult to *do * it
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:54am
Glad to have you back!!!
Sounds like you are doing really well. I read somewhere that men need the distance to fall in love or stay in love, a bit like we need the closeness. I definitely observed this in my relationships, and instead of bemoaning the distance, when it appears, I try to see it as ‘me’ time. That did work well and men tend to come out of the cave faster than when we ‘send that text’. Reading a whole novel – wow!!!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:55am
Actually I felt worse reading your first post to me! That one felt personal your #90 does not. Although I feel sad for how that relationship went.
The difference for me is that I didn’t feel “over the moon” saturday night. I felt just truly myself and much more centered than other first dates that made me feel super high.
Anyhow, it could go no further or end up in marriage…who knows?
I am focusing on me and cding men, experiences, my life!
The difference too is that I feel less invested in him so to speak. Happy that I am changing and more comfortable with myself. Reading your number 90 makes me feel better because I see your earlier post came from your experience…
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:57am
Ruth, I don’t get the man cave either but it’s a fact. Men and women are different. That’s where we have all those misunderstandings I suppose.
I *decide* that mancave time is time for him to miss me and fall in love with me. Suddenly, man cave time is a positive thing.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:00pm
I feel a right mess at the moment, all confused and adrift and desperate and I certainly dont feel inspiring.
Im a long way form healing, BUT
If I keep ding the same things, I will keep getting the same result and so I must trust in the tools
They make “so” much sense, but it feels so difficult to do them
I want to text*hey, are you ignoring me?*
I can see perfectly well that the best repsonse I would get right now is an irritated one, or worse
But the silnece is driving me potty!
When I have spent time with him, feeling connected an good, I want to stay in contact
If he doesnt, then i feel like I did something wrong
Or i worry that he doesnt want me any more
I am annoying myself now
And i want to know when i can see him again
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:04pm
Tam 55 and Rebecca 75~ I agree. I give up too. It’s beyond frustrating to witness this. I feel exasperated by it….letting go.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:05pm
thanks Tam, for explaining about man cave
Men and women really *are* different
I read fast
It was the new Jodi Piccoult
(d*amn the Kindle-too easy to buy books)
Anyway, the Lakes were beautiful(and the marathon has trashed the legs!)
I got some GREAT pics, it was worth the ten hour round trip.AND I even went on the M6 in the dark on my own.This is a first
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:11pm
I apologize for my first message. Perhaps the two shouldve went together. This is an area of communication growth for me as I apparently dont say what I mean the first time I try. I didn’t mean to judge or presume anything about your experience.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:12pm
From previous post.
“Anyway, feeling a little worried about having a date so close to where he lives. Feeling angry at myself for not calling and confronting him when I noticed he is on the site. I am a coward.”
I feel positive you will have another opportunity Memulo.
Calling him and confronting would have been chasing and combative.
When he contacts you and asks you out without leaning forward or initiating would have been when to express your truth in feeling messages and wants and don’t wants.
So when he texted hello. A response of just hello back and then leaving the space for him to step forward or not. Never give more than they are giving you.
And if he had initiated taking you out on a date again that would have been the time to give your speech.
He did ask if he could see you didn’t he?
That would have been the time to give your speech.
And not invite him to your party.
And inspire him to either step up, pull you back in or say that he wasn’t happy to exclusively date you.
You are not supposed to exclusively date him until he is offering you the complete relationship that you want. Then and only then does he get you all to himself.
Him dating other women is to do with what you want to tolerate.
He obviously thinks he is either just dating you or you are just friends.
Because you have slept with him, you you believe you are in a relationship and have gotten attached and your hormones are running you.
What is it that you want Memulo?
What relationship are you wanting?
Only you can answer this for yourself.
If you are at that place where you know.
If not what is the message and the lesson he is bringing you?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:14pm
Mancave really IS a needed space and time for men to feel the love and the missing…at least that’s what happened to me and that man came back in a BIG way… we are committed, lol.
It’s VERY hard to see when you’re in the midst of it though.
Starbright, feeling happy for you!!
Goddess Lily, the thing about your amazing first date was that it always feels perfect when you connect that way off the bat and infatuation is at its highest level. Thirteen months later is when things like conflict resolution skills (or lack thereof) can make it feel like you’re “not compatible” anymore. Couples simply aren’t taught how to do that…. I am working on something very important that will change people’s views and understanding on that subject. I’ll be sharing more soon, but your post really spoke to me….
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:17pm
Ruth you are making huge leaps, it may not feel like it but I can feel your vibe changing. I love it.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:19pm
58: Memulo says:
“I could call tonight and ask how he feels and how today turned out, he was supposed to have a tough day”
Gosh I feel angry. I want to slap you, to wake you up.
Yes you could do that
You are not his mummy!
Do you want to do that and be his mummy?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:21pm
@ 98 ruth – aw, I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious. but you’ve got all kinds of feeling messages going on. That’s great!
you feel confused, adrift, and desperate. not great feelings, necessarily, but it IS great that you are noticing them, feeling them, identifying them.
the tools require patience. which feels frustrating a lot of the time.
BUT, the nice thing is, you can tell a man exactly how you’re feeling when he finally does contact you. (and they always do, even if they take FOUR MONTHS, LOL)
“aw, it feels good to finally hear from you, but I have to admit, I was feeling really anxious. and now I feel curious and a little scared. what do you think?”
or whatever it is you feel like saying in that particular moment, as long as it is about YOUR feelings, and NOT about blaming him for what he has or hasn’t done.
It feels frustrating because men can be really inconsiderate. BUT – as you grow and feel and experience, the men get better! the old ones, as well as the new ones that show up!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:22pm
i feel disconnected when I don’t hear from you. i feel lonely. i feel ignored. what do you think?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:25pm
My man offered me a commitment after spending some time in his man cave. He said that he realized that I was ‘the one’ when he started missing me. If I wouldn’t have given him the space to miss me then he may have never figured it out.
I don’t necessarily get it but if that’s what they need to figure things out, then I’m all for the man cave.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
I kind of conquered my fear of the dentist. Now, I do feel that this will help me with fear of intimacy. My dentist said she realises I have a fear of surrendering myself into the hands of another human being because I feel powerless. She said ‘listen, you have all the power. You say stop and I stop. You can do
what you want, this is your life. I will do as
you say’. I felt powerful and I started to trust
and willingly surrendered. It felt so good.
Today I had no more fear. At all.
The lesson I take is, that when I have a man I can feel safe and secure with – it will be so easy for me to surrender and be emotionally and physically fully intimate.
That would feel good.
I like looking after myself and don’t think I can go back to giving the NV’s all the power, and let a man keep me on a string. It’s kind of impossible now.
aw, it feels fun to practice feeling messages. i still need to practice myself.
I’m better at the act of feeling than I am at the speaking of the feelings. speaking them feels scary, and its crazy powerful! feels overwhelming!
Aw, Curvysiren, Thank-you for your happy thoughts!
And, I am curious what you will be revealing that you’ve been working on…?
Goddess lily, Thank-you too for your kind thoughts…No problem…we are all learning!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:29pm
I feel like I am finally learning the difference between how it feels to chase a man (Yucky) and how it feels to lean back and let a man chase me (Panic).
I did tell JC on Friday that I feel panic in my chest sometimes and just feel like I need to get off the couch or leave the room or go home and that if he will learn to let me go without it being such a big deal, I will always come back and probably a lot faster as I get more comfortable. He told me that he is on my side and would never hurt me and I tried my best to explain that I understand that in my brain . . . but not in my fight or flight reflexes – not yet. he seemed to get it. If he has the patience to keep trying and if he can hold on loosly . . . we could have a lot of good times together (That’s my definition of a committment – lmao @ myself)
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:33pm
My tummy feels upside down and I don’t feel so good.
Giving myself love. That’s about all I can do.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:34pm
I feel triggered reading the blog today but only because I can see myself in other sirens……
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:38pm
Hugs to all of you. I wish I could reply more but I just feel so low energy right now, even thinking of a response and typing feels like too much atm.
I do have to say that I am feeling super in love with my man. I feel cherished and loved by him and that feels amazing.
We had a fun weekend together and he surprised me with a beautiful necklace that he knows I like. I feel moved and my heart feels overflowing.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 12:42pm
52 FW I am here, what is up, pretty lady?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:00pm
OMG – I just got off the phone with the Oncology Nurse – my middle son’s bone marrow test came back and he is cancer free – he has been on chemo for 2 1/2 years – I need to cry, but I’m at work – Wow!!!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:01pm
I don’t know what my deal is today. I want to cry but I am fighting this feeling because I want it to make sense. The analyst in me wants a reason for these feelings and doubts so that i can fix it. Nothing has changed in my life, so why do I feel different today? Not even today, just two hours ago. Work was ok, the sun is shining, I’ve eaten a good meal. What is wrong today? I haven’t wanted my ex back once in the last 3 weeks since when broke up, now I am questioning that. What changed from the beginning to the end? I want to say he did, I’ve always been emotional and I made a point of showing my emotions up front. Aside from saying I’m emotionally draining, he told me someone my age (28) should’ve worked out their insecurities by now. Maybe if I had been a siren then, we would still have the relationship we started with. We used to be good at conflict resolution. We were the model for other relationships. They looked up to us. I think we crushed everybody’s dreams when we broke up. Nobody saw it coming. He used to try…..and then he stopped trying altogether. I want to say you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man and say good riddance, but today there is a question mark. A big ugly question mark that is nawwing at me.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:04pm
Yay Calypso! I think crying at work is acceptable in this case considering everything you have went through. If not, I’ll cry for you because that is wonderful news.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:07pm
I’m here I’m here!
This morning I felt like an utter fool when I realized how I had been totally played by C, the song line someone posted yesterday was going through my head, “Players only love you when they’re playing”.
I felt shame and cried in the bathroom until I heard the song, “Everybody plays the fool, sometimes” in my head, which cheered me up.
Back at my desk, I stayed deeply connected to my heart. I focused on the mantra, “The Chr!st within me is creating miracles in my heart, mind and life right here right now.” Over and over. I heard the song, “One love”, I imagined connecting my heart to a mother blue whale heart (the size of a VW bug!)…and remembered my ACIM lesson from last week, “I cannot overestimate the value of my brother.” I repeated those all over and over and stretched out my chest and encouraged my heart to stretch and grow and feel raw instead of contracting.
I felt through all of the feelings of contempt for C, of wanting to pick a fight with him, of believing he was wrong, of feeling frustrated that I felt ignored, “I cannot overestimate the value of my brother.”
It wasn’t too long before I felt radiant and soft and good again. I took some paperwork to C and felt genuinely playful and good. In an hour he went from seeming sinister and dangerous and evil and bad to…just some guy I work with who I’m seeing more clearly. I felt compassion for the guy spouting racist gibberish, he’s just ignorant and I believe he was feeling bad feelings around some people he had tried to help who couldn’t receive his assistance. I blessed them all and showered him with sparks of love and everyone else in my office, too, for that matter..and here I am!!
I had a dream several months ago…
I was walking toward a bedroom, and saw a horribly disfigured black demon troll running across my path. I knew he was running to get my baby who was in the bedroom. I felt fear for a split second, then felt a power surge through me as I pointed at it and sang, “I bless you!”
The demon/troll instantly became an enormous being of unspeakable beauty, radiant and made of light and color and there was LOVE and we giggled and laughed uncontrollably…then the scene shifted and I was in a room full of demons sitting in chairs in a circle around me and I felt crowded, they started to close in on me. Again, I spontaneously burst into song in a voice I’ve never had in waking life that was powerful and clear and strong,
“I bless you! I bless you! You. Are. My. SISTERS and I BLESS you!!”
In a flash, they ALSO turned into radiant, beautiful beings of complex color and light and we laughed and laughed.
I’ve kept that dream close to my heart, even when I knew I was screwing up I’d keep coming back to it and know that’s my true self. I thought of it again today as I sat there feeling powerless and
victimized. And all is right with my world again. C is kind of staying at the other end of the office, and he will for a few days or weeks or months, then when he feels safe again we’ll either hang out and be in a new place together or one of us is going to vibrate right out of this place
If it ends up that I leave, I will not keep in touch with him. He can be like the flypaper tool.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:08pm
Missing you Starla. Hope all is well.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:09pm
Yay, Calypso !!!!! ((((((((((Calypso’s son)))))))))))
i feel happy reading that : ) thank you for sharing
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:10pm
Yay Calypso…very exciting for you and your son:)
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:15pm
i am missing CF like crazy.
I don’t feel the anxious heart break I did when we first split. But I am still hoping he comes back as much as I did before.
((Ruth)) I feel a change in you Ruth. A good change.
we were miles apart this weekend in the lakes! You braved the m6 in the dark wow! You will have driven right past my house too! Should have stopped by for a cup of tea
How was the marathon? The weather felt beautiful, unlike today! We didn’t go quite as far as langdale, up to ambleside and back down to Windermere.
I want to share my pics too. Going to contact radlove.
I want more men in my life!!!!!
Inspired by tam
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:16pm
is it just me or does that stock image look like kim kardashian ?? lol
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:17pm
Radlove, thank you. I shall be in touch soon.
Yay Calypso!! That is the BEST news!!!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:19pm
it does look like Kim K bloom-ing!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:22pm
Thank you, thank you, thank you…
Reminds me of what really matters in this life!
I feel so humiliated. But getting used to the idea of life without him. What can I do if the fairy tale is not there for me;)-?
Starla I hope my agony is not feeding your feelings for CF
Calypso, I feel such joy for you. I can imagine you must be overwhelmed with relief x
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:23pm
Memulo, believe that you can have the fairytale! It may not be with him but it’s there for you I’m sure.
I feel strongly about the law of attraction! Maybe it can help you too memulo. It would feel nice to read that you feel uplifted
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:26pm
wow ! im noticing the power of CDing!
so far i notice on the blog, the women who embrace CDing (with actual dates) and continue staying available (profiles up, open to men) through triggers seem to heal REALLY FAST! the quality of treatment they receive skyrockets sometimes in just days
women who don’t CD when its called for (not in committed relationships, or relationships where there is bad behavior from the man) seem to stay around the same level of healing – FOR YEARS!!! – even though they talk about healing or that things are getting better (or not) , and have aha moments in intellectually understanding the tools
No WONDER RORI PUSHES Women to CD so consistently and not to have profiles down or close off… THIS IS YEARS !!! YEARS!!!! wowie zowie…
i want to know how to gently push like Rori so i can help more
Im so sold on CDing even more just seeing this huge discrepancy
the years don’t seem long to me, but gosh i guess they ARE… that is BIG TIME!
Damn, Rori! You rock.
That made me feel giggly! I can’t read the link in roris latest… It says ‘oh crapola!’ it’s down for maintenance.
Well that’s just poop timing on my behalf I’ll have to check it another time.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:28pm
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:29pm
Nah, Memulo, it’s not you!!!
I have been feeling this way all weekend. He’s always in my dreams. It’s driving me a little batty.
It’s always worse after a date with a CD.
I have several CDs at this point and nothing all that great to say about any of them.
At first it felt cool to have so many guys wanting me, buying me meals and fun stuff, texting me, calling me, making plans with me…
But the problem is, I need to feel something back. And I don’t. My heart is still with CF.
I say I wouldn’t be with him if he came back, because of how he acts in conflict/hard times, but it’s a lie at this point. “But I love him” comes to mind a lot, and it makes me feel kind of lame. Like I am willing to compromise myself or something.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:31pm
Just wait to hear about all the men I’m about to pull in when I’ve finished cding myself! I’m open to men but feel excited to think that soon after my move my magnetism will be so strong I’ll be overwhelmed by the attention!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:33pm
Whenever I feel like this, or whenever he appears in my dreams, I try to just take it as a sign that I am “slipping” backwards into my old dimensions/frequencies. And my “anecdote” is to do really wonderful, healthy things for myself. To take such good care of myself emotionally and physically that CF wouldn’t even QUALIFY for my frequency.
but…i dunno. i’m venting here and it feels good. i was without the internet all weekend and just coping on my own, hehe. ((((((((blog)))))))))
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:34pm
Actually correction… I’ll never be done cding myself!!
If I say I feel disconnected when I dont hear fromhim, isnt that like blaming him?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:37pm
actually to be honest, i also take it as a sign that CF is ascending in frequencies and coming closer to my own. But I do feel myself slipping backwards whenever I have ‘contact’ with him in any energetic form.
for example, my date took me for a hike on Saturday where he told me about his best friend. His best friend is one of CF’s students it turns out.
oh brother. lol
maybe it sounds psycho but i’m still feeling like he and i will be reunited in time. when we’re both at a stable frequency that is the same.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:38pm
CDing is good, but all the CDing can’t make one happy with oneself…and that is a fundamental requirement for being in a successful relationship with a man. Dating is fun, practicing tools is fun, healing, learning experience.
But if there is no self esteem, it’s useless also. If self esteem comes only from men courting one, when the man leaves you’re back at square one. Sometimes they all disappear.
Key is to be happy with oneself always and then do what feels right, whether it’s CDing, yoga, painting – having a passion. Everything else will fall into place.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:43pm
@ 112 Calypso – well, first of all, I feel so grateful and relieved with you that your son is cancer free!!!
secondly, just wanted to thank you for writing about your feelings of panic.
I feel embarassed about the feelings of panic I have when I lean back and let them chase me.
hearing you write about your feelings of panic makes me feel less alone. thank you.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:44pm
126 Smile..haha…they are all baby step ‘fake it till you make it’ men. But hey, who cares?!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:46pm
from last thread
Heart ! Really!! Your comment to me was very rude and uncalled for. I did not ask for help, advice or opinion. I was simply sharing some observations and recent experiences. What side of the bed did you get up on… oh wait you already said… know what boy energy feels and sounds like… it acts just like what you wrote.
I thought the link looked suspicious as well. Though I’m sure it’s just a funny story. Clearly not a Rori post, though! I think she’s still on va-cay….
Anyway, Siren Angel, I am glad you liked what I wrote in the last blog (like around #558 or something).
And you, too, BW!
What if you could just relax and not “worry” about meeting other guys? What if you could be excited about it? Because you really don’t need to worry. If TH is your guy, then eventually it will all work out, and he will step up and be the man you need. And if not, then you truly don’t need to worry about how he will feel if you meet someone else. How about how YOU will feel?? What if you feel amazing! And then it will be easy to tell TH anything, because you will know you have found a great guy. TH will understand. He’ll know that he’s not your guy, if he’s really not. Guys are kind of intuitive like that. (That’s why sometimes they “get out of our way.”) And the right guy will know, too, and he won’t let you go.
So just think about that. Maybe some possibilities.
I hope that’s a possibility for me!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:47pm
Congrats Calypso!!!!…yes, that’s what’s really important in life, that those near and dear to us are healthy.
I am thinking of Flowerchild now and hoping she is ok, as ok as can be.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:48pm
@142 ruth – I feel unsure. I have to be honest, I’ve never used that feeling message myself. (even though I might’ve felt like saying it when I was away from a guy, I’ve never actually felt it when in his prescence. does that even make sense?)
maybe you could say something like, “it would feel good to hear from you at least once a day…” or whatever would feel good to you. that feels more positive and less blame-y.
feminine woman really helps me when I have a feeling message prepared when I sound too blame-y. maybe she’ll pitch in? I feel curious…:)
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:49pm
Smile, the marathon was awesome but VERY tough
they have altered the course a little
We got a technical T shirt with all our names on at the end and a silver Boot
Thank you Sirens.I hope my vibe *is* changing.I have to remember it is about *me* and not him, and i must not use feeling messages to try and control any outcome.All I know is that I dont want to go through this bad cycle over and over again
I have used that mesage once, and got a load of self justification form him
But you see, I think I was using it to get an outcome-i.e– him to contact me
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:52pm
Calypso that is wonderful news!
I feel so happy to read this
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:54pm
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:58pm
Ruth, stunningly exhaustingly awesome wow what a feeling!
i feel guilty im not married
tht feels funny
Why am i not married? investigation of beliefs
cuz im not famous yet
i havent gotten as cool or as famous and important as i want to get and i think that has to happen BEForE im married
i have to learn how to have great, all about me sex before im married
im not in brazil yet
im still scared of it
im scared to talk about spirituality and using LOA for living cuz i think i will be judged as ditzy
i had a LOT of issues to overcome
i dont have the support network i want yet for birth and family raising
im still wanting men who have ‘gangster’ as one of their core values – and i do too – and THIS means its not gonan work out – tho i see its not true so bascially i still judge myself for having this value
im not ready to – for the above reasons
im doing really well on healing all of the above
i feel all trembly in chest
oh i yeah ‘i cant support myself financially’ tho i can with LOA and i always have and always will but i want to do it in a way that my family is pleased with consciously and im NOT and ouch ang ouch and ufffffffffffff
i feel open to and asking for DIVINE help in healing this!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 1:59pm
Hm maybe the universe knows when it is the right time in our lives for us to receive our ‘the one’…
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:02pm
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:03pm
My sister just told me I should date ugly men because they are more appreciative. I don’t like this suggestion.
CDing is the fastest way I’ve seen in my life so far to GET to feeling happy with oneself
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:06pm
fuchk im so tired of arguing
i feel pist that Rori doesn’t show up and just support her shit herself lol
also pist that i’m not yet drawing in all the free coaches and coaching i want on this and other topics
as amazing a human as i am and as so many people say about me, i deserve it, non
im feeling frustrated here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:08pm
i WILL learn to stop fighting
i WILL learn to use my energy in ways that create my world
i WILL heal this feeling of not being good enough to be included in circles I want to be included in
I WILL heal this fear that im going to be ambushed and destroyed
i WILL heal this fear that Something will always show up to make it harder
i WILL heal this fear that my life is insignificant – other than an object of attachment for my parents
awww i feel like crying now
hello i love my trembly saddddd
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:11pm
I just felt my fear about dating men, even just talking to them.
I’m far from shy… Where has this fear come from…
What would I say? I’ve never felt fear with any contact I’ve had with men in the past, I’ve felt Fun and flirty, so why now? Humpf
CDing is great. And this is just my personal opinion, and one I’ve read from some other dating ‘gurus’ for women, but if your life is a mess and you’re doing nothing to change it, to the point where CDing is your escape and/or potential way out (marrying for money, marrying for validation, etc.), you’ll never actually MEET that great guy. You’ll meet a guy who will fill the role, but he won’t be great (because he’s energetically attracted to a woman who is too afraid of herself to care for herself, which doesn’t say much about his own quality).
I took some time out from CDing to get my own life in order, and the quality of men I attract now is 10 times what I used to attract.
still not ‘feeling’ much for them, so i have more work to do.
i shoved it in my temple and its pounding
peopel who die early
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:12pm
CDing is dating for THERAPY
160+161 – trigger?
I don’t speak for everybody but CDing isn’t helping me at all when I am not happy with myself, it’s a burden to me. When I feel ok, I can CD. I personally would be worried though if that was the biggest thing that would make me feel good because that would be hinging my self esteem on other people, notably men. Good luck with that. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place and I am happy to be free of that thinking.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:14pm
ooh, I feel narked with your sister
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:15pm
164 Starla – ditto
163 Smile, fear of change, a new chapter – normal. It will all be good
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:17pm
and i think that work i have to do is going to be through CDing.
i used to feel desperate that i wouldn’t get to marry a man i could adore. the handsomest most bravest most wanted, someone i worshipped
now i feel SO GLAD i DIDN:T MARRY SOMEONE LIKE THAT !!!!!
oMG i couldve assured myself a life of clingy desperation and worthlessness
i felt scared i would have to ‘settle’ for a dorky guy who liked me a lot
now im like whew!
i get it, im not gonna settle, im gonna get worshipped and i can be madly in love with ME and thaats SOLID
and frees up so much of my magic energy
HELP ME OH DIVINE POWERS TO HEAL EVEN MORE
I WANT IT I WANT HEALING
IM CALLING YOU!
AND I WANT IT TO FEEL COMFY AND GOOD AND GENTLE!
ANNNNDDDDD FULFILLING AND FUN! and even THRILLING IN A GREAT WAY!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:18pm
lol the divine powers are like THIS BI*TCH IS YELLING AT US LOL AND TELLING US WHT TO DO!
I LOVE YOUDIVINE POWERS LOL
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:19pm
a big thank you to IRON whose come into my life and is helping me out mucho
eearth led me to iron
God led me to Goddess who led me back to GOD yum
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:21pm
saying ‘im just a girl here, i feel disconnected not hearing from a man for awhile, i dont want to feel that way with you, what do you think we can do to fix this?”
is something Rori recommends
Dominique is great at these FM’s , I’d ask her
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:23pm
sorry for conceptually arguing with peopel and energetically yelling
its not about yall
fighting mode with my voices
i love you voices
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:24pm
lol i feel amused
in a good way!
power to the people! and the sirens! get what you want! in the way you want! yessss this feels good.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:26pm
i love this damn sidestep tool
im gonna sidestep my way into reading cool stuff im into!
that will feel loveyyyyy
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:29pm
My fear came and went. It doesn’t stay very long nowadays
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:43pm
fuchk man, i lost weight
i couldnt fit these shorts 2 weeks ago
damn no wonder, imnot eating enuf
get up on it i want to take better care of my nutrition
its good tho
i kno ima get it back
im still fly no matter what i look like
it comes from inside
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:45pm
no matter what size
what if this means im getting even MORE of the body shape i want!
yes thats what it means i decide
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:46pm
Hmm this ressonates with me…
And here’s the second thing you need to know about this man – Diana bought the whole “he’s wounded because his wife cheated on him” line. When the absolute, total truth is – he’s ATTRACTED to women who CHEAT!!!!
Diana was just too nice, too “there,” too dependable, too loving, too easy. No matter WHAT Diana had done – no matter how many “hard-to-get” games she would have played, no matter how far she tried to back up, no matter what – he KNEW she would never cheat on him.
And THAT was what was “wrong” with her! Maddening, isn’t it? Totally crazy-making. Here we are – really great women, thinking we’ll be the one “good woman” to turn around a “wounded” and “untrusting” man – and what we find out is what he really WANTS is a woman he CAN’T trust! Of course, he doesn’t know this about himself.
i feel compelled to complain!
i have lots of complainy energy !
i love my complainy energy
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:49pm
Letting go of feeling overwhelmed. Too much to do. Gonna take it all in my stride. Do a little, then a little bit more.
Feeling more relieved and relaxed. I trust I’ll get it all done. Letting go
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:50pm
I will feel terrible if he is really sick and I am playing games
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:53pm
You know, that article has stuck with me for a long time. It was really helpful looking back at the ex I spent 16 years getting over…it finally dawned on me…OH, he’s attracted to women who are mean to him and do meth. It doesn’t matter how awesome I am or how much I love him or his mother loves me, he is attracted to a mean addict.
In other news, something I noticed today is that when I felt all charged up and kind of wanted to pick a fight, it didn’t feel really REAL, like I didn’t really believe myself, because THERE WAS NO PAIN.
It didn’t hurt to get charged up. It didn’t hurt to speak up. It didn’t hurt to feel my feelings.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 2:59pm
I want to look older
Maybe when I do look ‘older’ I’ll appreciate that I look younger than I am, but now I feel fear that it’s stopping me from finding ‘a man’.
I want to heal this belief.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:02pm
Belle, I can hear the saying ‘treat em mean, keep em keen’ in my head.
But it makes me think. No I want more!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:05pm
If there is something you really have a need to say…you can say it…
Or you could write out all your feelings…riff and get it out of your system.
And/or you could ger busy taking care of you. Taking care of you is most important!!! How can you do that?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:07pm
Memulo, it feels like your driving yourself crazy. Rax, try to stop ‘ thinking’ I feel your pain.
Dumb question, what does narked mean?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:15pm
memulo, it would sound fun for me to get all the Stuff that is swirling inside of me Out (riffing) so i can see what’s up for me… : ) i feel curious if you would find this free-feeling or if you feel anxious to do that… what do you think?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:17pm
Calypano! Yeah!!! I felt an overwhelming sense of relief for you and your son. This is fantastic news.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:27pm
Calypso! Yeah!!! I felt an overwhelming sense of relief for you and your son. This is fantastic news.
Tam and Starla,
I absolutely agree. I would not CD to run away from things I need to address about myself or to run away from feelings because that would not attract the right man.
Also, I feel it is very different when you are dating or in an uncommitted relatioship than when you are in a relationship that has hurdles and different still when you are hurting from a breakup. I believe this is why Rori does say that we can CD ourselves and friends if we don’t want to date other men.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:49pm
My point is, yes sure if you are online and just starting to get to know a man, before any talk of exclusivity or commitment, by all means CD to minimize your risk and not get stuck on one too fast.
But very different in other circumstances.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:52pm
i will certainly CD until I have the commitment I want.
going home to take care of myself and pretty myself up for Warrior picking me up to take me out to buy gifts for my friend’s baby shower!
have a nice night, sirens!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:54pm
Urrrkkk. I feel so uurrrrkk.
D finally opened up to me and told me the truth about how he feels.
I got all uptight and ‘controlling’ on Saturday afternoon.
The ‘making him wrong controlling’ comment left my mouth and it was too late.
Sunday night I was alone with him finally, and he kept himself busy.
I could feel the cold distance.
I knew I pushed him away further once more.
” I’m craving attention.
I feel cold tension between us and it feels bad.
I feel sad that it has become that way between us.
I feel like I’m hanging in suspense.
I don’t want to keep feeling this way.
Can we talk?”
” I’ll start by taking a shower, I’ll think about it while I’m in the shower.”
When he got out of the shower, he was cold and didn’t bring it up.
I said ” I really want to talk.
I feel awful to have gone way down the priority scale.
I want to open up communication.
I don’t want to keep up the same pattern of pretending everything is OK after we’ve had issues.
It feels bad to leave tension between us.
I feel disoriented and lost.
Can you help me? Can you tell me where you are?”
” I can’t say I don’t have feelings for you, I do.
But I have alot to do.”
” You’ve gone from wanting me with you all the time even when you were busy, to avoiding me.
I know I’m not perfect.
I feel lost. Can you help me understand? ”
” There’s been a few things that keep happening that make me doubt our future together.
You keep leaving when I think everything is great, and I don’t understand why.”
” I did tell you I leave bc I feel alone and disconnected.
I feel insecure and I don’t know how to talk about it without going crazy on you.
I wait til my feelings get all blown up, the tension gets to be unbearable then I explode.
I need to learn to communicate when it’s time in a healthy way.”
” Like yesterday, you commented about my drinking in a controlling way.
I feel like I’m being watched and controlled.
I don’t feel comfortable doing what I want and being me coz I’m always feeling watched and criticized.”
” I feel awful that you feel that way.
I feel so scared of being in a vulnerable position with a man.
I feel so afraid of being taken for granted.
It makes me want to control everything.
That makes me feel so exhausted. I can’t do it anymore.
I want to express my real feelings and stop covering up with the anger and controlling.”
” You end getting the opposite of that don’t you.
I want to live with someone one day, but with the way things are…I don’t want you to move in and let go of everything, and things keep being this way…It’s so hard to seperate after.
I can’t say we have a future at this point.
I don’t want to waste your time.”
” What do we do?”
” I don’t know.”
” I don’t know either. I feel awkward staying here tonight.”
” Well you’re here now, you might as well stay.”
” I appreciate your honesty. It’s not what I would prefer to hear. But I really appreciate your honesty.”
I wanted to do something different then leaving all the time, so I stayed.
He didn’t ask me for his key back.
The time has come for me to cd.
I saw him today, and I just said “my heart feels all tight” while bringing my hand to my heart.
He offered me some dinner.
I did not stay for more than an hour.
I left it as is.
I know I was explainy when I shared my feelings.
But the point is that he finally quit playing games with me and got real.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 3:58pm
I feel so much of the pain. It seems like it would have been better to ask him WHEN he wants to talk and go with a more positive flow in the meantime, but I also understand that you felt urgency in talking about it all.
It seems you expressed your feelings honestly… I am sure he will have some time to think about it all. He may need to man-cave big time now. Remember men need that time to figure out that they miss us and love us.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:05pm
Thank You SA,
Your support feels good right now.
It has become urgent bc I kept wanting to talk, but couldn’t find the good space to do it in, and I could never inspire him to talk.
The timing felt right and it did flow perfectly, as it never flowed at all before.
The communication door is open.
The ‘being real’ door is also open.
There’s no going back to closed communication and playing manipulation games ever again for me.
Whatever the outcome, I’m letting go of control and urgency.
I gotta run off to zumba.
I’ll be back after.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:14pm
What is good Lilibee is that you had a ‘heart to heart’ with D.
Have fun at Zumba!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:28pm
How Dating And Flirting – Even If You’re IN A Relationship – Help You Stop Hurting
Allana Pratt, the Sexy Mom Expert (and I know her and love her and she truly is a wonderful coach…) wrote a comment about my Circular Dating as Healing post – you can read her whole comment here->
Allana asked me a question – basically about the concept of taking a “break” from dating to heal…
For the most part, she encourages Circular Dating, but if a woman has a strong addiction to men who are awful for her, and is feeling terrible about herself, Allana asks her to stop dating entirely for about a month. During that month, her client goes through pretty much the pain of “withdrawal” from the addiction and then is able to return to “conscious dating” from a much better place.
Allana asked what I thought and about my own experiences as a coach – and here it is… (I’m going to be doing an entire new program around Breakup Rescue and Healing Your Heart – what this is all about – so I’m just going to touch on this here…)
In my experience, just like men – we are either the kind of person who launches ourselves into action and goes out dancing the moment we hit heartache, or we’re the kind of person who sits at home with the TV and a gallon of ice cream night after night.
Some of us are party girls, like the celebrities we follow in the news, and some of us hide ourselves away.
But it’s the same thing going on. It might look different – if we go out partying, we’re trying to distract ourselves from the pain of our heartaches, our addictions and frustrations and all the old traumas and old patterns that are running us in an unconscious way.
If we sit home and cry, we’re still following some old patterns of coping – sinking into the hopeless “what ifs” and “if onlyies.”
If we go out to seminars and workshops hoping to heal ourselves by doing group work that SHOULD be meaningful and helpful, we often feel our pain even MORE than if we just go to the nearest Starbucks for coffee.
It’s not what we DO that’s important. It’s how we USE what happens inside and outside us when we do it. It’s about bumping up against our old icky “stuff” – the deeply painful and terrifying feelings we’ve buried our whole lives – and transforming the “energy” of the feelings – just by EXPERIENCING them- even a little.
With a talented coach like Allana, you would be walked and supported through doing this and get great results – wherever you are.
So – the question is – what should you CHOOSE to DO while you’re bumping up against old horrible feelings? How should you CHOOSE to TRIGGER yourself – to Trigger the bumping up against these deeply buried and powerful feelings?
Should you choose to take baths and do yoga in your living room, and read and meditate? Should you do only the necessary things – marketing, the dry cleaners, work, driving the kids around, paying your bills, cleaning and de-cluttering and decorating your home?
Or should you get yourself on an online dating site or go to Speed Dating events or go to dance classes, lectures, group hikes, acting classes – places where there might be MEN? Should you accept a coffee date even though the man who’s asking you looks just like the one who just broke your heart and treated you like a second-class woman?
These are the questions Allana is talking about, and here’s my short answer:
When you’re working to shift the way you’ve been your whole life, there’s a pattern:
1. Something happens. It can happen with or without your choosing, with or without your action. In the course of your day, you may see even the smallest thing – a bug, or a tree, or a picture…or smell a perfume or some food…or so many things you might come in contact with…and that something that happens will…
2. …Trigger you. This means you will have an emotional, physical and mental REACTION. You will feel something. And then that feeling will trigger some thoughts, and those thoughts will lead to other feelings. And almost all the time – the feelings and thoughts that are triggered, the ones that show up and take you over for a moment, an hour, a day, a week – are the SAME exact feelings and thoughts that ALWAYS come up when the same thing happens.
This Triggering is an automatic reaction based on old traumas and fears…and it can be mixed in with a perfectly healthy, “normal” reaction to something real – For instance, someone in a restaurant walks by you and suddenly drops a tray full of glasses. They crash to the ground. You jump out of your seat, your heart pounding.
Part of this reaction was instinctive about the threat that just happened in reality – you heard glass crash, you were startled and instinctively moved to get away from the flying glass and the noise.
And part of this reaction might have been a replay of your reaction when a loud noise and crashing sound happened to you BEFORE.
To your brain and body – it doesn’t matter if it’s really happening or if it’s just happening as an automatic response. Your mind and body believe, for that moment, that it’s real. And if you’re like me – the experience of this can ‘bum you out” all evening. The old feeling takes you over, puts you in a “mood.”
Or – a man can say or do something that sets you off – perhaps feeling chemically, powerfully attracted to him and nervous, or makes you feel dismissed and angry and hurt…and that can just be the same thing you’ve experienced over and over and over again.
What’s important here is:
3. What you do when you get triggered – do you avoid and resist the painful feelings, or do you sink into them and go THROUGH them to the other side?
If you RESIST, nothing will change within you internally. You will reinforce your stuck place, AND you will feel even MORE pain – because the pain is in the Resistance.
If you choose to SINK INTO the feelings and go through them (The way I walk you through in many of my programs…) you will then need to…
4. …Rest. You have to rest because your body, mind, spirit and heart will be Regrouping and Reorganizing. Resting, Regrouping and Reorganizing takes the time it takes, and each of us has to learn to get in touch with how this part of the cycle works.
Now…here’s where you get to decide some things:
5. How do you choose to go through this process of Something Happening, Getting Triggered, and Resting? Do you wish to be ACTIVE or PASSIVE about getting triggered?
In other words, do you want to PUSH yourself forward, or do you want to SIT BACK and see what happens?
No matter what – SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN. You WILL get triggered. The only difference is in what YOU CHOOSE to get triggered by, and how active and specific you want to be.
NOT doing something is not RESTING. Even if you lock yourself in at home, you will get Triggered. You will go through the cycles over and over again every time you THINK of something that triggers you.
And here’s where curing an addiction to love and certain kinds of men differs from curing an addiction to alcohol or drugs. We know what a drug is. We know what alcohol is. You know when you go into a bar there will be alcohol there. You know when you go to a party with the old friends you used to do drugs with – there will be drugs there. And you know what those drugs look like.
You can say yes or no to something concrete. But men are different. It takes skill and practice to tell a man who’s a bad drug from a man who’s a good guy. It takes practice getting in touch with your own feelings. Living is an art. And like the art of acting or music, you cannot learn how to be with men without practicing. Without actually DOING the acting scenes and playing the music.
Tiger Woods could not redo his entire golf swing (a major, major undertaking) without practicing the new swing over and over and over again – and experiencing how drawn he would be to the old swing. Staying away from his golf clubs would not have helped, because the response in his body to picking up a golf club is to swing it in a certain, old way. He has to retrain his body to swing.
And most all women have been swinging wrong. What we consider “dating” and relationship can actually be, as Allana had said here also – an addiction, and not relationship at all. We have taught ourselves to NOT be authentic and NOT to feel in the presence of a man.
So – we can either go to work, the market, and stay home (and this is all after the “Rest” period – which could take anywhere from hours to days – and your Rest and Regroup and Reorganization process will go faster and faster every time you go through these cycles if you go INTO the feelings instead of RESIST them)-
- Or you can force yourself to get Triggered in both – yes – ARTIFICIAL situations (Speed Dating, Online Dating) – and also organic situations (lectures and workshops and classes and stores that interest YOU, and feel good to YOU), and use ALL those situations to use my Tools and my Flirting and Circular Dating techniques to learn – as fast as you can – while still HONORING your need to REST.
In other words – Dating and Circular Dating is Free Therapy. This is not about “distracting” yourself from your pain and hurt. This is not about finding your dream man.
What this is about is working through your addictions in the presence of the drug, until you learn which man will ENCOURAGE your addiction – and which man will help you detox, so you know which to avoid and which to let in.
This is on-the-job training. This is learn-as-you-go. This has nothing to do with finding Mr. Right. This has everything to do with helping YOU feel Right with YOU.
And from there – you can have EVERYTHING you want.
We can talk more and more about this, and about what “Resting” uniquely means for you, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:30pm
hmm i feel compelled to say this and also compelled to get it out
i will try it out and see how i feel, plus hey, it’s Rori’s blog and Rori’s tools so it might help some to hear it:
Rori encourages CDing RIGHT AWAY after a breakup and NOT taking ‘time out.’ The faster one gets into CDing, the better and faster healing comes. A lot of pain many women feel obligated to, can get avoided and healed fast this way.
She also encourages CDing for women who consider themselves in a relationship, but is not fully what they want
She encourages CDing with real men whenever possible, CDing oneself as a babystep to get to that
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:33pm
oops i meant also compelled to write it and also compelled not to.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:34pm
Goddess Lily-i guess its a milder version of pist
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:36pm
Good to hear. It may be hard and feel sad but it’s good. Open is so much better than closed. A huge step in a positive direction no matter the outcome.
Thank you for sharing that article.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:42pm
“Happiness is experiencing, changing, growing, living fully, being in the present, knowing we are not alone, not abandoned and not unheard.”
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:43pm
hmm actually i feel kinda ‘dead’
i intend to go into my feelings next time
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:44pm
What happened with his drining Lilibee?
In what way did you try to control?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:46pm
The Universe thinks she’s funny. So not too many hours ago I posted that I was reconsidering my ex even though I haven’t wanted him once since we broke up. Why did he just now call to ask me to a movie……you know before his reward points expire? Lol
He sounded scared to ask. I asked. Turns out he was. I wasn’t very sireny but I still felt powerful. I wanted to say MAN UP AND COME AFTER ME, but I didn’t. That’s not my usual styIe, it just sounds fun. I chose to go on this date, I will practice the tools and see if I can’t outgirl him. Sometimes he is feminine energy and it makes me feel a little sick.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 4:54pm
I do feel kind of annoyed reading some posts today. The article reminds me to pay attention to triggers. I do not need to go out on “dates” with men to do this. Uhh yes and I can’t forget that I already did a 6 month period of CDing. During which I met G. He has offered me more commitment than I even want, or wanted at the time, or needed.
I guess I feel annoyed because I feel confused. Like…I would gladly CD. However, I am in an exclusive relationship where I have always considered myself to be the one being “asked” to commit. Not doing the asking…
We CD until we get the comittment we require to become exclusive. But what happens when not only is the comittment there, but it’s MORE than you require…
In my life I have a man. A good one. To the core. There are blips and blurbs. He has shown a temper. I have shown difficulties in communicating. It is a STRUGGLE sometimes. But I am more convinced than ever that we are GOOD for each other. Like…Really deeply and profoundly good.I would go so far as to say we met for a reason. I could not, would not be where I am right now without him triggering me to DEATH :p and then working with me to build it back up, stronger, taller, more solid every single time. I can not say if we will stay together forever…
I don’t even know what is confusing to me anymore.
I know what’s right. I thank you for showing me!
I would like to remain exclusively within a relationship that only gets BETTER each time it gets rough.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 5:10pm
Omgosh I just had a memory of one of my CD’s. Awww he was sweet And he had a way of getting me to talk. I met G, and dating them overlapped a bit, and I felt sad when I told him I became exclusive with someone else.
I remember telling him we could be friends and he is the only man who has ever said to me “I don’t want to be only your friend”. But he ended up adding me to FB about a year later, and we chat a bit occasionally.((((Him))))
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 5:18pm
:p I don’t know if I should lol at your post, but I did!
Have fun on the date regardless
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 5:31pm
i feel amused
I’ll keep practicing for you
funny over … angry?
i love your scared feelings
i love your angry feelings
i love your laughy feelings
i love your not safe feelings
‘look at what those people are doing!’
hmm what do we feel?
panic frustration powerless
unpaid atention to
i see you
i love your sadness
smily pleased yawny
i love your smily pleased yawny
yes we think we will see them ‘hurt’
brace up, we know the plot
funny haha they’re gonna crashhhh
i love your scared numb
im so sorry
what if it meant we’re healing?
i love your sad
i love your frustrated
i love yoru powerless
theres so many other things to look at!
we dont have to watch that movie
i love your heart hurt
im so sorry
im here for you while you feel heart hurt
i love your
i love your anger
i love your super anger
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 5:42pm
as far as what searching for in men, its not security
omg i want to be cool so bad!!!!!1
jeez just freakin just have something to point to like there, that makes me cool
my brothers used to mmake me cool
now they’re practically gone
so now im like, FUchk i have no proof of my coolness
i still have some cool stuff, but not enough
i want to be Wanted by people and invited to cool events
thats what i want
thats what i wanted from my hs boyfriend
what i wanted from guywho
and from Transformer CD
UGH i just want that damn magnificent coolness
i want to heal this im not cool enough left out trauma
freakin middle school
an before that, probably w my parents
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 5:45pm
seems like this is the hugest wound in the world
and i will never get over it
but i know i will
ive gotten over lots of ish like
becoming attractive to men damn if i could do that i can do ANYTHING
way to go Daria
i want to heal this already Now
i feel impatient
i intend to heal this
when i say that i feel TERRIFIED and numb
and thats totally ok!
i love my terror and numbness!!1
yayyyyy i can FEEL!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 5:56pm
” Femininewoman says:
A smart man is a man who knows when he has a good woman to do his best to keep her happy and at his side. A smart man is a man who works on healing himself so he has successful relationships. Book smarts/success can be achieved at any time in life. Is my humble opinion.”
Damn that was dope
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 5:58pm
I am in love!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:00pm
Lately I have been feeling like I am in love; I can’t explain it just those butterflies in my tummy and I am all smiley and feeling happy and I have been having those dreams of that man kissing me on my neck and my cheeks. Then I feel I am i love; I can’t explain it, I just feel it and I am not even dating anyone…
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:03pm
Daria you are too funny.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:07pm
i can have the happiness i want
maybe its not by impressing these everchanging ‘fly’ people
but how, then
how can i offer myself flyness and community and companionship
i felt sadness. ‘boring’ came up
i hang out by myself P:ENTY
maybe im just a couple tweaks away
how can i do these things when they seem to require other people?
i haven’t gotten that yet
i feel very confused
i can make sure my clothes ALWAYS look fly
im kinda far from that…
my clothes occasionaly look fly – to me
and sometimes look not so fly
and im kinda proud of that
but maybe its time to change that
ALWAYS look impeccably fly
omg i feel overwhelmed thinkng of this
i donat wannanaaaa whine
/i can keep attending events by myself
i feel so frustrateddddddd
sometimes when i do attend events by myself,
i just wind up feeling again like the left out loner hanging out by the wall
i feel so awkward and left out
and yes i meet people… but…
i still feel that adrenaliney panic feeling
i know if i sing and dance i will get people wanting to be around me
maybe this IS my way
it feels annoying to do it for others
but maybe thats just a trick universe is doing to get me to do it for me
cuz i really enjoy it
so i can get myself studio time on my own then?
yes, i CAN do that
i CAN ask for studio time
and even pay money for it if necessary
and i do have at least 1 song that i can def record
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:08pm
More than being with someone I want to feel good! all happy; giggly and feel in love; just feel it, it doesn’t have to be attached to a specific man….
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:09pm
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:10pm
Re 225 Woohoo
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:13pm
Calypso!!! Wonderful news. It feels good to hear of a mother whose son is healed.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:25pm
FeminineWoman – hehe thanks
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:30pm
I am very sure I am getting offline from the dating sites– but I AM open to meeting men.
I had lunch with the only person who showed up for the book festival meetup besides me. A very nice man. We spent the middle part of the day on Saturday and had lunch and a lovely conversation.
He is calling me tonight.
I am very outgoing and get out there in real time fairly constantly. I am definitely open!
And it does make a difference.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:35pm
i guess after all coolness does symbolize security to me!
security and fun?
or just security
but security can feel boring and constraininh
this is the security that i like
the security that now i can be ME
show off all my talents cuz im protected form judgements
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:42pm
Feels good to read about your son, Calypso.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:46pm
Miss Bells – nice!
mmm hmmgh i don’t know how to say this in any way…
i feel all squirmy! so dont anyone read this if you dont want my thoughts on online dating
lol. cuz i think not wanting to be on dating sites is an idicative of not being fully open
otherwise Why would someone not want to be on a dating site where they have to have no effort to be out there and have men find them
i understand not liking them, or maybe not crazy about the men there, even not checking them often, but taking down profiles is more than that
there would be no reason to do that as i see, if it wasnt about being closed off in some way
nonetheless, meeting men Any kind of way is a great babystep!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 6:52pm
My date was really good. Everything was good, even the movie. I missed him a lot. I am thinking to call him and I am still scared.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:00pm
I feel worried about him.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:02pm
What if he is really sick and I am not even asking what’s wrong. Or he is running from me
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:08pm
I’ve had one of the most amazing days. My muscles & head are hurting, but I still feel great.
I did something I would have never imagined doing only few days ago. Like I have overcome some really basic fears I have had. Like I have opened up and allowed myself to be vulnerable.
I posed for some artistic nude pictures.
They were taken by a really good and respected professional came to this town for giving a photography course & some of his photography students. My photographer friend was one of them. I got the chance to be “the model”, as somebody else had not been able to show up & I was introduced & found to be ok to substitute the orginal one.
I was so nervous, I didn´t sleep almost the night before. I felt terrified about it, but at same time thrilled. And really worried my photographer friend will see me naked. I have been sensing him liking me lately, romantically. So I´ll call him PhotoCD.
I was not too sure about really doing it to the last minute. But then the old good professional man got everybody out of the room, gave me some good wine (11 AM) & just talked to me. And suddenly I felt ready to do it.
I had the first half an hour only with him, doing most amazing looking pictures. By every minute I felt more relaxed and started to enjoy the photoshoot. By the time he let in the students & PhotoCD I was already feeling so good, that I was not nervous at all about him (or others) seeing me.
My other issue has been some toenails with fungus that has been hard to treat and is still showing. So I have been really ashamed of showing my feet to anyone, more so to any man. And now I was just there naked taking poses, standing up, sitting down, lying on the floor even. And my toenails could be seen as well. I didn´t forgot about it totally, but I let myself be free even with that esthetical problem. And nobody seemed to get alarmed.
So at the end…..I felt so good & beautiful & free & vulnerable at the same time. Like almost wanting to cry.
I think this is one of the “milestones” for me. I surprised myself today.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:09pm
I believe if a man can send a sms saying he is sick…he is not really that sick. Men can be quite whiny about their sickness (even if it´s little bit). It sounds rather like an excuse.
Sorry.. I have missed some of the story since yesterday, so maybe I´m missing some development here…
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:15pm
And also…he might be running too. But in that case, you can only lean back. I would not ask him anything.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:17pm
Ulii you don’t want to read the development, believe me. I know he can get sick. I don’t know why he would tell me 3 hours later.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:18pm
wow Ulii i feel mindblown. That is truly fantastic
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:21pm
Or he is upset with me and my silence is only breaking everything between us
Or will I be calling so that he can break up with me
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:36pm
Pull back. Stop creating imaginary feelings or thoughts for this guy. It’s a bottomless pit! Continue focusing on your own feelings.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:37pm
So… a little continuation to the story.
I know him for a long time already, but it´s just recently we have been in touch again. (He looked up from Facebook I had got back to Spain.) And we have seen eachother 3-4 times related to him wanting to take some photos of me, later taking them, and later in the opening of the exhibition where some of the pictures were shown & today…
And he has been like a good friend. But also showing an increasing interest in me. He rememebers all I have told him, comes to pick me up at the train station, opens doors for me & does different little things for me & also is telling me all the time how beautiful I am & while being with a group of people he´s always looking to be standing & sitting close to me. But until today it had not crossed any friend line.
So today, after the photoshoot… we had lunch all together with the people who participated in the course. And after that there was a siesta relax time, so we were sitting on the couch in the photo studio. He sit really close to me & start really gently caressing my hair and my arms & my fingers. Some time ago my usual reaction would be getting nervous & pull (if not jump) away from him. As he is still only a friend to me &I don´t feel all this “chemistry” with him. But..also maybe after this really special day experience…I felt all different and unusual. I stopped to feel that touch and I liked it. So I let him continue caressing me.
I really loved his touch. I had been missing this, since I had not been physically touched by any man after UnavailableCD already over a month ago.
And he told me how much he likes me already long time ago.
Then he kissed me. And I let him do that too. Not bad at all.
Quite good kissing actually.
And (among other things) he said:” You seem to be the girl who likes that things are done for her. ”.. I said “Yes, you got it right..”
And him: ” Well, I want to do everything for you.”
Then I accompanied me to the train station (I live in another town). And while we were waiting for the train & standing there…It was strange. I really felt first time I get this leaning back position Rori teaches. Maybe it´s the first time my body felt so realxed and open & also it was just that “feeling good but relaxed” with him, not over the top “excited”…Soof course he pulled me close and hugged & kissed me again.
And I left to the train & feeling really unattached to the outcome, but open to receiving the positive from this man. A big difference from my usual fight or flight mode.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:41pm
It has to be about you. Even if it is a direct action of his, it has to come down to how you feel. About the action. Or in-action. And how you feel. Not about the man or WHY he did or didn’t, or what’s going on with him. It is about how you feel. And if a man can’t handle that and wants to “break up” with you…Well then he’s barely man enough to warrant attention. But the truth is, that’s unlikely! Men are attracted to this. They respect it, and are compelled to do good by a woman who is in touch with her feelings in a blame free and authentic way.
You might as well start practicing now!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:48pm
@ Daria 241
Me too. Thanks. I actually was thinking about you today during the photoshoot & later. Your open vulnerability has been an inspiration.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:52pm
I´m with what Miss Stix says here in 244 & 246.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:54pm
Thank You for your encouragement MissStix.
I feel supported
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 7:56pm
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:07pm
He was having fun drinking in the afternoon.
I said “Do you need AA? We’ve been sitting here drinking all afternoon and we have a party to go to where we’ll be sitting and drinking all evening.”
I’ve expressed this in a good way once before:
“We’re having so much fun with you, you’re so funny.
I want it to last.
Your speech is getting slurred and you have trouble walking straight.
We just don’t want to lose you early, we want to keep you entertaining us.”
That time he had stopped right there, and said to me the next morning “You did the right thing.”
The problem this time, I was coming off as controlling, and some nosey person stretched out their ears to listen and heard my remarks.
They asked and I said “Well, we have a long party night ahead.”
He must have felt embarassed that someone else heard me trying to tell him what to do.
I don’t feel good with a man that doesn’t know when to taper it down.
I could have shut up and just drove.
But I don’t like finishing the night with him barely able to walk to the car.
It has happened 2x before, and every time he has felt embarassed by his behaviour and had stopped drinking so much on his own.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:08pm
Well, I have been cd’ing men at work since a few months already.
I’ve been practicing just being open and letting them get close.
It doesn’t feel so scary anymore.
I’ve also been practicing listening and being in the moment.
Now the trick is, as per Rori in Reconnecting your Relationship, pretending the ‘relationship potential’ man is one of those men I cd.
Pretending he is 1 of those men with who I have no attachment to the outcome.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:18pm
Usually I am pretty sure that leaning back is the right way to go. But this time I feel like something almost physically breaking since I am silent. It hurts so much. But now it’s way too late to call
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:22pm
I have so much to look forward to! My birthday is coming up, and I have party plans on saturday with old friends. A combo birthday for 3 of us. I get to see one of my oldest and bestest friends! I am jump up and down excited as I have not seen him in ferrever!!!
I don’t work friday and i’ll be at home so I will take myself out on a date thursday night. Nothing fancy, but my girl wants to drive over the new bridge and go to farmland to go star gazing mmmm and then maybe up the mountain to gaze upon the city. Ohhh or maybe i’ll try to find a good place to shoot a cityscape at night! mmmhmm. Stoked.
I gotta find a pair of boots (bday gift from G) too so shopping friday…Yes please! mmmm shoe shopping! And I bought myself 2 gorgeous shirts for my gift to me. I will wear one of them to the party on sat, with the boots! A deep coral lace, kinda flowy, tight at the hips and off the shoulder. yummy!
It’s gonna be a good week
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:23pm
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:25pm
It’s not even all about leaning back anymore. You can’t lean forward with this energy regardless, but you have to take the laser focus off of him for a while. It will not harm him, trust us.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:26pm
D’s opening up about his true feelings, about him being honest, did something for me.
I’m having a challenge describing how I feel about it.
Something about it, makes me to stop and really listen.
Something about it, inspires me to respect him.
I see him differently…I see him taller.
I see him as more manly.
We have to express it when we want more of the good stuff.
So, how would I express this in a FM?
It will be good for all involved…
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:27pm
On the other hand, I called without leaving a vm and then texted a nice message at 6:20 and I think he was on the phone when I called because I heard it ring twice and then went to vm. I heard back that he is sick at 9pm. Omg I should have called today and it’s so late now, I can’t call anymore
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:28pm
Speaking of taking the laser focus off:
Zumba felt great and fun tonight
It makes me feel so good and gives me something to look forward to that is all my own, no men…except for the hot eyecandy instructor.
I go 2x a week.
Last week during the 2 classes, I noticed how my body felt stiff and tight.
I had D on my mind the whole time.
Tonight, I was able to focus on me and my body.
I felt more relaxed, my body felt it and my face felt it.
I noticed how my body felt more supple, looser and lighter.
I tried to focus on keeping my hands open for the entire choreographies, putting myself in receiving mode.
I received warm and friendly attention from both instructors.
I felt satisfied with my workout.
I left feeling relaxed and energized.
Off to bed I go. Goodnight sirens.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:36pm
I’m enjoying reading your good vibes MissStix
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:38pm
Maybe something like…
I felt a little bit awed to watch you say what you’re truely thinking and feeling. It felt a little scary to hear it, but I felt attracted to the openness!
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:45pm
Thanks lilibee! Same back atcha!!! Goodnight
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 8:47pm
Interesting weekend. I had no plans with HS. On Saturday I had lunch with a very nice guy from MeetUp. Then, just as I was about to head south on the bus (still no car) HS texted me. He doesn’t text normally, and this one was pretty mangled. So I called him back. he was down in my new town at a music thing. I told him I was in HIS town, so he picked me up.
We had a nice dinner and a movie.
I knew he had planned to go to the car races (not my cup of tea anyhow) so I planned to go the the clothing exchange. It was great. But–I was still a bus rider and the busses are sparse on Sunday–and I wanted to go to a show featuring some musicians from Portland in the evening. I set it up to get a ride to my friend’s house after.
BUT– while I was scarfing a taco HS called me again–he thought I had just gone back to HIS house, otherwise known as home–without him inviting me. He picked me up again. He let me take the car to the show–he was too tired or he would have come along…
Then we watched a movie.
This morning he made me an omelette, and we stopped at Best Buy to look at computers (for him, his is dying) and then he took me and several of my boxes to my house. He stayed for lunch, and sat on the wrap around porch with me. A neighborhood cat came and sat on his lap.
We were talking about when we first got together. The sex. How he ran to Eugene right after, but came back after a month, and that was how we started living together.
I walked him to the car. He hugged me, kissed me. I said–You know–I have plenty of friends–we are better as lovers–we were great as lovers—I just don’t want to be shut out again after—I could live here and not be shut out or I could be right in the house with you and be shut out…what do you think? then I changed the subject– Are you gonna buy that computer?… He kissed me again and we talked about nothing for a minute.
He DID buy it and called me back to tell me and see if I could share my word package.
I am glad I said what I said. He doesn’t appear to be running away–I also didn’t make a mountainous deal out of it. And he is KISSING me again.-Not quite sexy kisses yet but leaning that way. We’ll see.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 9:11pm
I just saw the comedy Anger Management..and well I feel really angry because I can relate. I usually feel angry only after I reflect on a situation but not during the situation. I have been practicing feelings and verbalizing them and I feel like Im improving but sometimes I still feel stifled and stuck and I convince myself that its not really that bad and to “choose my battles” but when I think about it I feel enraged too bad its days after. I wish I could accept my anger at the moment but I feel stuck.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:08pm
Siren – CuddleyGrinch told me about a spot to meet up to go to he place he reserved to hang out….I wrote him and told him ok I should be able to find it and that I’ll meet him there.
But he never responded to the email….that was yesterday. Should I meet him or not?
I feel irritated. I feel like maybe I should go to the spot.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:21pm
Wait no I mean to say: I feel like Maybe I should not go to the spot.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:25pm
I would probably not go if it were me.
He should have sent you at least a line–”see you then” or something.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:26pm
#268 Miss Bells – yup I agree ….But gosh I feel so bad to just not go…what if he goes? I want to write and tell him I feel confused about what to do….I feel guilty about not being nice …
But I’m not going to do Anything.
It’s not my job to make anything happen.
I feel sad. I feel excited by this Bold new way. Wow I am realljust potentially standing him up.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:35pm
What did you mean by this?
#136 “women who don’t CD when its called for (not in committed relationships, or relationships where there is bad behavior from the man) seem to stay around the same level of healing – FOR YEARS!!!”
What did you mean about the committed relationships, or the relationships where there is bad behavior from the man?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:46pm
I’m feeling super guilty…Im picturing CudG standing at the spot waiting for me…*eeek
Why didn’t u message me back?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 10:55pm
Wow….I cant believe Im not Going….LOL
omg Sirens….I feel so mean…
I figure he just didnt respond cuz he thought the plans were onfirmed…
He will hate me ….
Shouldnt I message him and say something?
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:02pm
Ok So I’m not writing anything…And I’m not going to go.
If he does go then its a good lesson for CuddleyGrinch to learn.
Im going to find some stuff to do now and take my mind off it.
Monday, 24 September 2012 @ 11:08pm
I am going to tell you a story.
In the past when I was obsessing about a man i was overfunctioning with who clearly didnt want a relationship with me , a girlfriend helped me immeasurably.
At first she helped by listening and hearing my feelings. Then she REALLY helped by refusing to discuss him again. She would gently change the subject every time I tried to bring it back to him.
She short circuited my round and round talking and thinking. I got over him faster.
I learned that listening and giving advice and rehashing over and over and over again is unhealthy and that the best friends refuse to be drawn in.
The best support that a friend can give is to ignore, redirect , distract and refuse to go there with you.
So, I am noticing a lot of sirens from yesterday and today have stopped giving you advice and comments in response to your ongoing repeated questions and rehashing and round and round thinking.
I am noticing you have a lot of supportive friends on the blog who understand that refusing to be drawn into this drama is the best way of helping you. This feels really positive and wholesome and caring . What do you think?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:38am
Heart , I have found men are less repetetive than women when it comes to arrangeements and directions. Maybe its because we are seeking extra reassurance?
I find men just say it once. They consider yes is yes and dont need to reconfirm it .
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:41am
I have found this tough when it comes to dates . If they suggest it days in advance and then say they will ring to confirm..they can leave it till the last minute and still dont get that we want to know the details a day before. After all, we said yes already.
I see this in my young adult sons. They are highly intelligent , educated, polite and charming, BUT they are just naturally casual about details once an arrangement is made for something a few days ahead.
I am educating them that women are different and feel better with reassurance and confirmation.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:44am
Sirenty – gosh….ill just write and tell him i cant make it then…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:52am
277, yes Heart, to be fair from his text/email I got the feeling that all was arranged…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:54am
i just told him that since I did not hear back I’m not going to head to the meeting place. I feel ok…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:55am
Tam – I feel that way too….but it feels awkward without and “ok – see you” ….or some kind of reconfirmation…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:57am
Phew..i feel relieved for you Heart.
I find this annoying about men , but a consistent trait for most i know
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:16am
I agree with Sirenity
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:19am
Maybe ” I felt awkward not hearing again from you about our arrangements. I guess i am just a girl here and I feel a bit anxious around confirming arrangements .I dont want to let you down but It would feel reassuring to know you got my ok message and things were going ahead. “
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:21am
Ms.Bells, Sirenity, FW, Tam – Thank you Sirens for the advice. I’ll express the awkwardness to CudG. I just don’t feel like meting him when I feel uncertain. I want to get ready and go out feel Sireny and happy…not scared I get stood up or wondering why he didnt reply.
If he’s not pissed….I hope to hang out with him soon.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:27am
He said he thought we were meeting and we should still meet…but meh…I dont feel like going …it takes me a while to get ready so I feel really rushed…The reservation is in ann hour and I feel emotionally drained And I ate a lot of chocolates…what should i do?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:01am
its in 40 mins actually…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:04am
there is no way I can get ready and get there in that time…Ok so Im going to use FMs and say what I want…
yeah this is fun.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:07am
Well actually he didnt say to we should still meet – he said to email him if im late…huh? I hope he doesnt think im still going….Im going to message him and be sweet and open to another day.. Catastrophe avoided.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:20am
Tears are rolling down my face from the fart story.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:21am
274: Sirenity Yes .
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:29am
CudG. is giving me a pissed off vibe.
Im going to think about HoundCD instead! ….lol.
CudG you’re Inconsistent! You give and then act Flaky!
I always feel special and then I feel stupid when dealing with you!
I need a man who can Row the boat…not fence with the oars.
That felt good to get out.
Im going to do some stuff for work.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:35am
I loved the fart story too..
Giggled all the way to work.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:36am
Heart I would feel peed off too if I thought we had a date. I feel bad for him. He just wanted to be with gorgeous you !
This reminds me to be very clear about arrangements with men when they first suggest a date.
Also, it is fine to text a request for confirmation ..”are we on then?”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:39am
I didn’t sleep almost at all
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:52am
Maybe it’s that I invited him to meet my friends and he started running
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:55am
Or maybe he is sick? He can actually get quite sick
If I decide to call is it too late.. should have done last night
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:57am
I still feel scared and as if I am breaking something. Not him but me
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:58am
I don’t like texting confirmations btw
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:59am
I am the worst actually. Other sirens slip and do something against the rules and move on. They don’t get as many comments as I do for sure:) I just feel terrible and don’t do anything
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:00am
In this relationship I never tried to save anything. Never, I wanted it to go on of course but I never tried to do it
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:02am
Hi Memulo..what are your plans for the day?
in the past when he got sick he always disappeared.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:03am
I need to go to work and actually do something. Then have dinner and tonight Yom Kippur starts
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:04am
well I hope that concentrating on work will feel good .
I am already thinking of sleep here.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:06am
It is very strange if to think about it. He contacted me first, he called, then he called twice, confirmed I am free for the evening, then texted he wanted evening and I accepted. Maybe he really is sick?
Maybe this is worth a conversation, not a silent treatment
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:07am
Where are you Sirenity?
#293 Sirenity – Awwwwr (^_^) thats a really sweet way to look at it.
True concerning clear communication -…or you could just not go when they dont follow up and you end up feeling anxious…It might help them to be more considerate? Maybe…Regardless it’s not my job to train a guy…I’m just going to keep finding my feelings and acting + communicating in a way that makes my insides feel more fluid.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:11am
I am in Australia Mem.
Its Spring time , and i was feeling great over the weekend but have had some hospital treatment and now all my joints are really aching and inflamed …uggh..pain typing.
I like the ‘fluid insides” Heart. I dont think we need to train men. I think this is a perfect opportunity for a feeling message which might help both feel better .
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:13am
Oh Sirenity, hope you feel better!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:14am
Thank you Mem. Sometimes I feel so tired of my health issues and wonder how I can keep doing it over and over , but then something shifts and I enjoy something special like family or flowers or my boys and ..voila! Better immediately.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:16am
Spring will bring you lots of flowers!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:34am
I am new to this blog but it’s been a godsend to me. I’ve realised in past relationships I was always the one chasing, I’m independent and I guess I like to be in control. I’m currently in a situation where he’s gone into his cave, and I know he has work as well as family (parents’ health) pressures right now. We haven’t been right for months so I guess I knew something would have to happen for us to move on or break up. We’ve had a conversation where I’ve said I couldn’t be ‘just friends’ and where he’s said he can’t imagine his life without me in it – and then disappeared into his cave. I’ve had to fight myself to do nothing, just sit back and see what he decides to do. I did send him one feeling message a few weeks ago to say I felt peaceful and he was in my thoughts, but no questions. He responded a few days later saying he was sorry for not being in contact but he needs time alone. I have to take him at his word and just leave him alone until he is ready. In the meantime, I’ve made some plans for time away with friends and on my own, and indulging myself in art, which I love and which always takes me to a place of calm, because I am a creative person at heart. Reading Memulo’s story brought back those feelings of panic, fear, anger I felt when he first created that distance but also made me think that whatever I feel, if I tell him what is my timescale to talk before he is ready, then whatever he does is not of his own free will but influenced by what I say I want. It’s taken me a long time to get to this place. I keep drafting text messages and then deleting them because I know his curiousity about me has to be aroused by his feelings, not by me prodding him and reminding him I’m still here. So Memulo, although I am new here and have only seen what you are going through by what you wrote, all I can say is let that fear and rage out away from him, and don’t pretend to yourself you are only worried about him being sick (which I’m sure you are, but he is a grown man) when you seem to be really more worried about whether he wants a relationship with you. If he does, he will come to you. Thank you for sharing your story, I believe you can stay strong and keep your status high. I am battling my instincts for contact just like you are, so you are not alone!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:36am
Sirenity – He wrote me back talking about the work he is doing….now he seems chatty and wanting to please me. Men make no sense.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:45am
Heart that feels good to hear! Hopefully he suggests another option.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:51am
My date from last night always treats me well. I feel calm and relaxed with him.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:52am
But let’s see if he asks me out again
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:53am
I love how you feel good and relaxed with him Mem. This being in touch with your feelings is very attractive !
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:07am
Memulo maybe it is because you have labelled yourself as stupid so you are unconsciously trying to live up to your own expectations?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:20am
FW, what are you saying:) -?
Don’t think I labeled myself that seriously.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:24am
Once again, things for me to learn
I too am one of those who would like a date definitely confirmed near the time and have asked for that in the past. It has caused some friction
It hadnt even occurred to me that men might view this differently!
Oh, I have so much to learn!
Feeling a little choked up again
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:33am
Memulo, I do feel glad that you are going on other dates
Tam, I missed you post about the dentist.WOW Now, if thats not healing, I dont know what is!
Smile, I was staying in Ambleside actually
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:34am
Hm, and I rather desperately need to work on my own self esteeem
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:35am
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:38am
when do you escape to florida?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:43am
Mary – hi I see your q. I meant just what I wrote, I know it might feel tough to hear. Love you!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:44am
I will like my dates confirmed, by the man at least an hour ahead.
Good plan D!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:46am
Ann I feel scared to require my new requirements.
I will practice requiring 2 days ahead plan even with this Romanian cd.
But what if on day of he will not confirm ? He hasn’t even met me yet! Or seen a pic of me.
Oh well not my business.
I feel certain he will come even unconfirmed – due to cultural societal req – but I could be way trippin
When I get to the US I’m gona bust all those men who want to see me by practicing this.
I feel my bloodpressure going up
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:50am
Ruth in 3 days…can’t wait.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:56am
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:03am
I am feeling pretty angry today.
Guess it’s also because I am almost going and I am reflecting. I am reflecting also regarding all the stuff my Dad has said (that I am a failure and how come I ended up back here after 18 years away and all that kind of stuff). I was grateful that they provided a roof over my head, don’t get me wrong..but when I got here I had already lost my jobs two times through no fault of my own, I had amassed a little debt (not by buying luxuries but by paying for an international health insurance) and YET
I was contributing to the household too, doing quite a bit of buying groceries (what I could afford), cleaning and cooking because this is normal. All this time I felt so guilty that I couldn’t offer to pay rent or anything.
And I was made to feel guilty, by him constantly saying that he has worked all his life and he is ashamed of me bla bla. And everything is getting more expensive, water and electricity etc.
Not that they ever offered me any other assistance than a roof over my head, mind. And yes, I have expressed my gratitude many times and felt bad.
Now this morning I stumble over both of their wageslips, that were lying on the desk.
Now, I have two degrees and had a very good job, but let me tell you, the kind of money they make, each and particularly together, is such a huge amount, that I could never even think of earning that much. I was pretty shocked actually. As they are constantly whinging about money.
With that kind of income, you could buy a house in a major expensive European city and feed at least two families.
Now I feel totally angry, because I struggled like a crazy person and they knew and they know I have a little debt – yet hey made me feel like they were kind of hard up and I was a nuisance.
Now, I really can’t understand their attitude anymore.
I am so happy to be going away from here.
I feel angry and ungrateful and sad that I was feeling so bad to take up a little room in a house for a few months.
Grr. It’s ok, Tam. Calm down. You know who loves you best is yourself and you are not a failure just because your bank balance is not so fat. And you are not a failure particularly because if you ever have your own children you would not make them feel unwelcomed and like a burden, especially when they had been standing on their own two feet for nearly 2 decades and had some bad luck.
Slathering on love.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:09am
Roooaaarrrrrrrr……I feel unbelievably angry.
‘and why did you work in hotels for 2 years with all your qualifications, surely you could have done better, perhaps you have no ambition?’ – that was another nice sentence.
Maybe because it was the big recession still in 2008/9 but then what would you guys know about trying to find a job, having worked at the same place for 40 years and never been made redundant or the company going bankrupt. Surely, better to work in a hotel than not at all.
RRRoaaarrrrrrrrr….I feel sooooo anrgy. Jeepers creepers. I wish I hadn’t seen those payslips.
Should they ever lose their jobs: no sympathy from me. That much is for sure.
Sorry, rant over!!
I feel better now.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:14am
Sirens – CudG is telling me that most of the women he knows are promiscuous and accept a low standard of behaviour and that he unfairly thinks less of some some and that he also finds it difficult to trust some women…
I feel surprised by all this opening up but I don’t know how to respond.
I feel like Something pivotal is happening in our communication.
Comforting him feels icky though….
I feel a tightness in my chest area.
I feel excited and scared at the same time.
I feel curious about all if this…
It hurts my heart to read that Tam
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:15am
333, Heart, do you need to respond? Sounds to me like he is a good guy maybe…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:16am
I just read evanmarckatz latest blog..I feel depressed ..”am I too old to have success in online dating?”
After years of online dating i feel so much empathy for the 54 year old writing ..I am similar age. EMK seems to agree its tough , just keep tweaking profile and pics from what i can gather is the advice he gives.
The problem identified by people there was that men have an expectation of dating down a long way in age , at all ages, combined with the impression of endless options online gives people .
I feel distressed . i have been harboring a belief that I am on the “dating scrap heap” and certainly my online contacts have dried up (this may be location).
I would love to read a whole list of your success stories for older women dating who are reading on the blog, online meetings, or opportunistic. Are there any of you out there?
Mind you I have one CD i met online currently , and having difficulty meeting any others. I am looking for strategies…????
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:19am
334…Ruth, yes. I felt like a little scruffy ugly beggar here, a misfit.
Actually, I don’t even feel grateful anymore.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:20am
not long now Tam
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:24am
Heart can you keep the openness going by just acknowledging his opinions , then giving a feeling message.
“You sound sad about this. It sometimes feels tough working out relationships , doesnt it?
It feels good though and a little scary to be talking honestly about these things and I feel curious to hear more of what you think.”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:26am
Not long….that’s true. Thanks Ruth
I am also incredibly fortunate in having few but very good friends that I can count on – more so than my family. That’s really quite something and I feel very grateful for that.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:31am
Heart believe it or not many men would say the same thing
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:32am
Oh my, jealousy was running freely this weekend when old crushes of my bfs were around us. I lost it for a while, now my heart feels sad and i am regretting a lot of my actions.
Why cant i have a do over?!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:46am
I called, he didn’t pick up but texted Hi before I left the vm. I replied Hi and am now waiting
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:02am
Does anyone have any little diddies or reminders they have made for themselves as a reminder to check your pasture and come back to yourself?
I can feel myself leaning forward even now, just sitting here on the couch. I keep catching myself being physically hunched over. I really need some help in this area, the meditating is really hard for me, and when i do it i feel uncomfortable more then relaxed..
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:05am
Well I shut down for 30 mins…because my chest started feeling tight and Not open….and I took a walk…it’s like when he started opening up I felt afraid and began to shut down.
I only just responded after an hour and I feel bad…that I left him hanging.
And I feel afraid he-wont-like-me anymore
I feel good too because I’m outside and the air feels cool and soothing.
I did some open heart breathing and I feel really airy on the inside…
Heart, do you think there may be a little teeny bit of ‘fear of intimacy’ going on there?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:09am
Should I ask how you are feeling? That’s more words than him
Let this be another wonderful day ~
I went to dinner with my son who is now cancer free last night – now today I am hoping to get a letter from my baby boy who is in boot camp – that would make me soooo happy – even if he tells me he is having a horrible time and wants to come home – I’m half expecting that. I just want proof of life – lol
After work tonight I’m going to JC’s house to get on the computer and help him plan our trip to the beach. I wanted to just lean back and let him do it, but he really wants my input and says it will be more fun for him if I participate in the planning – hopefully I can make him happy by participating and still find a way to lean back and let him make the final decisions – use FM’s about which places it would feel romantic to go to with him, etc. I have been down there a million times and he has not, so . . . I just want to be careful about how I handle this. I think he would be happy to let me be the guy sometimes and I don’t want to do that!!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:10am
Interesting message from guy on POF
thanks —– hoping soon we will reflect together on our past triumph and future accomplishment and share our dreams and fear together and if life get too hard to stand we will just kneel smile as i do feel a connection Jcd!!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:17am
Memulo is it because you have labelled yourself as stupid why you are unconsciously trying to live up to your own expectations?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:18am
BAB how about talking to yourself. Even doing it in front of the mirror?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:20am
I can make him happy by participating – eeekkkk
Do you really want to take on the job of someone else’s happiness?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:21am
Leaving a country/home triggers all kinds of emotions! You’re emotional and angry today! It’s fine. It’s normal!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:24am
Heart – I only just responded after an hour and I feel bad…that I left him hanging.
And I feel afraid he-wont-like-me anymore
I would gamble that he believes you have a life to live. Not sitting around lollygagingwithbatedbreath like a dog with his tongue hanging out for his next word so you can respond. Ask yourself what are your expectations why you would be afraid. After that fart story above, really?
Tam I agree with Heart. I am here feeling unexplainably sad today though at the same time I feel relaxed and like letting go of doing life. Just feel like trusting, being, floating on the experiences that come my way.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:26am
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:27am
Sirenity I found some gems in EMK’s eletter
“Let’s look at this from the other side:
Are you inspired by a man who is weak, needy, and insecure?
A man who needs constant attention?
A man who worries about where you are every night?
A man who doesn’t trust that you love him?
A man who is convinced you’re too good for him and that you’re going to leave him for someone else?
Probably not. That man would be exhausting.
You deserve a guy with confidence. And men of confidence want women with confidence. No exceptions.”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:33am
353 Thanks Heart…I did feel a bit panicky leaving now because my place is rented out and I have to stay with friends (something I wouldn’t normally do) but I just felt so bad here, I wouldn’t have been able to do this till November…phew.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:34am
355 also thank you FW, yes sometimes it is best to let go and relax and get ready to take whatever life throws at us, which admittedly has been a real challenge this year. But hey, at least it isn’t boring!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:36am
“As for you, I feel the same exact way.
You can be kind.
You can be sensitive.
You can cry.
You can get hurt.
You can love openly.
None of these are signs of weakness.
Weakness is when you let life beat you.
Weakness is when you let fear make decisions for you.
Weakness is when you refuse to try.
Have you given up on dating, online dating, relationships, marriage or men?
If so, you’re letting life beat you. You’re letting fear take over.
Don’t let that happen to you.
If you believe you’re worthy, the right man will believe it, too.
You just gotta get back out there.
The worst dating month I ever had was November, 2006.
I met my wife in January, 2007.”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:38am
#336 Sirenity – hmmm….just lie about your age?
@ Tam 331
I could so identify. Although my parents don´t earn so big paycheck, but did they make me feel guilty often, while I was staying with them big part of this year. I did even offered to pay rent few times in the beginning when I still could afford it. They refused categorically, and on their good mood were nice to me. But any minor irritation…and I could hear lots of unconstructive criticism coming my way.
It´s why have escaped now from them again. Although my professional & academical life is not yet sorted out at all, but at least I dont´have the pressure from constant judgements from my parents (and one grandmother, who tells me that all job a woman can have in a foreign country is to be a prostitute — kind of funny, as she is already 84 & keeps forgetting I already did work many years in a foreign country; still…feels bad to hear that).
FW can you please stop pasting this line?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:39am
From a 68 year old:-
It has been so easy. He said he knew right away that I was the woman for him. He googled me and became interested in learning more about the postings that I had been actively involved in. He was blown away at what I had accomplished. He is an extremely loving man who outwardly acknowledges me telling me how much he appreciates me, as I do him. He has moved into my home at the base of Mt. Shasta, while still keeping his home in the California Central Valley. He has the core values I have been looking for, and I feel we are ‘ying and yang’. We laugh about how we approach life so differently; I’m ‘loosey goosey’ while he is very organized and goal oriented. We can talk about anything , and he is excited about following my organic eating plan. (YES!)
The interesting thing is that he does not match the type of man I have dated before. I never thought I would be interested in a man like him. He does not have as much education as I do, at times uses incorrect grammar, has a history that is very different from mine, is about 30 lbs overweight with high blood pressure, and he wears thick glasses. I have decided that none of this matters, and I am not settling. (The week I met him, I had dates with two other men, and one I cancelled after I met him. Both had their graduate degrees.)
It is how I feel when I am with him and the fun we are having together. I now realize that none of these previous men were ready for a relationship. They bailed after 3 dates, seemingly very easily. This relationship is satisfying, and I can be in my mostly feminine energy. I like following his gentle lead.
The bottom line is that I have heard this over and over with women who have been looking for a life long partner. They find someone who is not what they would ever have expected. I have dated many PhD’s and have been pretty bored. This man is accepting, honest, aware of his feelings and willing to work on a relationship. We are putting our best forward.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:40am
Some great words from Dominique:-
Julia – He will step up, or he won’t. Smile; be warm. Just keep on being you with heart open and receptive.
You seem to already be a bit hung up on this man, and you haven’t even dated. This is where CDing is invaluable. Please keep your options open. Flirt with everyone and anyone, men of all ages, women, children, animals, date if you want to, but please don’t set your sights already on this one man.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:48am
#349 – FW -awwwww Heartwarming! . Enjoy.
#358 – Tam – you only have a few more days..Woohoo Florida!
FW because it feels like bullying
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:49am
how would you react, if a online cd you have seen only once & who has not made real plans forseeing me again (although speaking about it) offers to be my “friend”…as he is “better friend than boyfriend”. He already has lots of female friends and from his words I got a sense he is quite used them to be chasing after him. And I have not been doing that. Although I´m not sure about my vibe (which could be a bit needy generally).
I don´t really have any expectations at this point, but I did find him attractive & feel a bit disappointed I could not attract him enough to inspire him to step up & most certainly I don´t want to be one of his many female friends.
He´s nice to talk to, but I´m not looking for more friends actually.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:50am
FW – you mean for a reminder? I guess that might work, ill give it a go.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:52am
How is that Memulo?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:53am
Ulii 366 Dominique wrote to another woman about an online cd that she has not yet met. It might help you gain some perspective.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:54am
BAB I find talking to myself helps me a lot, especially in the mirror. I see every nuance of insecurity, cringing at my own reflecting and even feelings that I generate depending on the inflecting of my voice or intention. Moving around and playing with yourself in the mirror helps to redirect the mind.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:56am
Wow…I feel Awesome right now.
I believe in beauty.
I believe in love.
My heart feels so open!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:57am
RE 374 Can you “see” your heart?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:58am
I’m feeling good and satisfied with myself and also victorious this morning!
I’m reading “Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them” because I Someone mentioned a passage in it on Baggage Reclaim that sounded SO familiar. I can see myself and all of my exes all up in it!
I feel amazed…I didn’t realize that when I said what I wanted and how I felt and just sat there and felt the feelings as C walked away, that I was essentially growing myself up. In my unconscious mind he, and anyone else I dated before, was a parental figure, with the power over my ability to survive and the source of nurturing and comfort. In speaking my truth, and being very present with myself as he walked away, I was affirming to myself my adult status, my confidence and knowing in my ability to survive on my own and know there are other possibilities.
Hoofrickinray for me!!!
I also feel good about my decision to NC T for good. I realized the flip-flopping I had experienced with him was just showing me that he’s not a good match for me, a man that occupies that much of my headspace for as long as he has is not healthy for me, period. Him showing back up and us making nice for a while reminded me of Rori saying that those dratted exes will show up just as we are about to shift!
I also realized in reading the book that through him I was trying to make my relationship with my father right….and just like T and C, my father’s psyche is deeply wounded and fractured and who knows when and if that will ever change but *I* am whole and a “sovereign integral”. Last night I dreamed of unity consciousness within my soul and how my individuated being is separating the wheat from the chaff, culling all of the best and transmuting the rest.
I tolerated a lot of shady behavior because rejecting it felt like rejecting a part of myself – “I can’t judge because I know what it’s like.”
Ha. I have infinite qualities, and what I focus on I get more of so I can totally turn away from the crap and focus on the good stuff and let my subconscious do it’s job of composting the crap
I have no plans to CD right now but that could change. I’m taking everything one day at a time and focusing on my heartbeat and feeling it pulse and throb as often as possible. I noticed for the first time yesterday I could actually distinguish the different chambers pumping!
Sirens – USE THE TOOLS!!! FEEL YOUR FEELINGS!!
When those boys go away then the underlying feelings start coming up…last night I felt waves of fear of the future…and I felt so kind toward my little one and she felt so trusting of the big one. “Go ahead and feel scared if that’s what you need, no worries, I gotcha! I’m right here, we’ll breathe through the feelings and let them be, feel as scared as you need to.” I feel much more trusting of myself now that I don’t try to talk myself out of my feelings.
This stuff works! I haven’t gotten married but I feel married to ME now! The people I attract from now on are going to be from a place of wholeness rather than ‘incomplete’. Using the tools and feeling my feelings showed me I was NOT dealing with the people I believed I was, taught me to stop trying to get blood from a turnip at a *visceral* level, helped dispel the illusions and fantasies, and gave me the “how” of Being a safe space for myself.
Thank you especially Rori for personally responding to my first post because your advice is exactly what I needed to hear and it had a strong impact coming from you directly.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:00am
117 Calypso – WOW WOW WOW!!! That is WONDERFUL news! Oh I feel so happy for you and your son!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:01am
I feel really embarassed and scared and shaky asking this, but I need advice.
I need to talk to Jack CD. I feel so tired of running into him, I feel so tired of the lingering eye contact and of him sitting so close to me, and of him hinting around and saying things without actually saying anything.
I feel tired of seeing him so much without him making plans to see me. It makes me want to hide and avoid places where he might be. That makes me feel angry, because if he weren’t there, I would go to those places feeling anxiety-free.
and I feel really angry for some reason, when I walk into a room and he seems really happy to see me.
I feel like his prey. I feel like his toy. His ego stroker. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me. I feel like I’m just some random chick who makes him feel validated as a man because he can tell I feel attracted to him. so attracted that I feel flustered and have trouble speaking around him sometimes.
I don’t want to avoid doing things that I want to do just because he “might” be there.
That feels so icky, and that feels like he has some weird control over me.
and now that I know that he’s seeing someone long distance, I can like, see his confidence growing. Like he seems more confident, and for some reason, that makes me feel angry.
I feel tired of him over-hearing me say something about what I like or respect in a man or person, and then him showing me ways where he fits that mold.
It feels weird and unsafe.
After him living in the area for over a year and maybe foolishly sharing so much of myself with him, I still don’t feel like I know him very well, and that doesn’t feel right.
I feel so embarassed and I feel like someone is going to tell me something I don’t want to hear.
I know I need to CD. I know. and I’m trying to CD myself, and I do meet men and see men when I’m out and about, but they never ask me out on real dates and I don’t know why.
am I not open enough? if so, how can I be more open to them?
I try to feel my feelings and speak my feelings, but I feel frustrated because it DOES take practice. Sometimes I use feeling messages and sometimes I forget.
Okay, I want to be really honest, sometimes I feel scared to use them because they are really powerful.
and sometimes I feel manipulitive using them because they are really powerful.
I don’t have a lot of money or time for online dating. I don’t want to use free sites because I want high quality men who are more serious than that.
I have to admit, I do feel scared of it, simply because of the kinds of guys who find me out on facebook.
I always feel so icky and turned off by the men who “approach” me online.
but I really want to try CDing more, I feel like I really need to.
I feel judgmental.
I perceive “creepy” men who feel too shy to go out and meet people in real life, but who suddenly become very bold in front of a computer screen.
It reminds me of that Brad Paisley song, “So much cooler online.”
I feel scared of what ladies are going to say to me.
I feel tight in my chest.
I feel sad.
I feel sad to let go of Jack CD.
I don’t even feel sure if that’s what I’m “supposed” to do.
I need suggestions for feeling messages.
I feel really frustrated that we are rarely alone where I feel comfortable having vulnerable conversation with him.
Part of me suspects that he really cares about me. I feel frustrated at my doubt. I don’t feel sure. I should feel sure. With the right guy, there should be no doubts.
I don’t know what to do.
I feel teary, childish, grumpy.
I think I’m going to be yelled at on the blog, and that feels scary. I don’t know why I think I’m going to be “yelled at”
I feel sad.
I realized the flip-flopping I had experienced with him was just showing me that he’s not a good match for me, a man that occupies that much of my headspace for as long as he has is not healthy for me, period. Him showing back up and us making nice for a while reminded me of Rori saying that those dratted exes will show up just as we are about to shift!
Oh yeeaaahhhh Belle. If only we all would make an effort to believe this.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:04am
375 – No FW..I can’t ….can u?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:05am
OMG Belle. Lightbulbs going off over here. Thanks so much for sharing
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:06am
@366 Feminine Woman – I love this and it feels empowering. I just feel so stupid because I feel like I don’t know how to flirt. I feel so embarassed and sad about that. I don’t understand how to “flirt” without “leaning forward.”
I felt really proud of myself for making eye contact with Mr. Staresmedown, for holding it, for feeling my feelings and smiling really big. It felt great.
but then I felt so confused when he seemed to give up and get angry and walk away when I didn’t approach him…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:08am
I imagine I see it Heart. In an unzippered plastic bag. Pulsating and beating with love for myself and for the world.
You feel stupid Iamabutterfly?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:09am
AWW I see what you mean! Its funny i used to do this on a daily basis out of boredom, when i was younger.
Kinda funny how i forgot about this. I always felt so good to see myself relaxed and loving my reflection.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:11am
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:12am
“I feel like his prey. I feel like his toy. His ego stroker. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me. I feel like I’m just some random chick”
Ask yourself what are you telling yourself?
Ask yourself why are you judging him?
These are really not feelings.
I feel frustrated when guys get girlfriends, when I just want to CD them.
I also feel frustrated when Jack CD CDs.
It’s not supposed to be that way, is it?
Aren’t I the only one who is supposed to be CDing?
While all the men compete for my attention, time, and affection?
but that doesn’t even seem fair, for men NOT to CD.
I want to marry the best man I can get. but how do you know you have the best when you haven’t dated a lot of men?
the same goes for men though; how do they know?
I feel confused.
I know I have a good reputation with men, on at least some level.
It feels so good when I can feel their respect, friendship, and yes, even attraction.
I don’t understand what I’m doing to keep them from asking me out.
Do I have walls up?
How can I take them down?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:13am
BAB I would gamble that it was more than just boredom. I would gamble that you were enarmored by yourself. Maybe someone scolded you about idling and wasting time when they saw you doing it?
My day is the PERFECT example of why taking your focus off a man by CDing is the BEST thing you can do!
Today I took my girls to a wildlife sanctuary with a girlfriend and her two kids. We had the BEST time, and spent lots of time patting animals, feeding kangaroos, my youngest held a snake and my eldest did a ropes course.
SOOOO much fun!
I hardly thought of TH at all, and once leaned forward and contacted him – I sent him a self portrait of me with my new “bestie” who happened to be a really cute male kangaroo. TH replied straight away with a little joke, and that’s the last I thought of him all day.
So I posted the same pic on FB and next I’ve got this guy from the UK who has a “thing” for me, saying “lucky kangaroo!” and basically making it very clear he thought I was a bit of alright!
Francesca even messaged me on FB to say how obvious he was. lol
Anyway, so between the fun I had with my girls and the attention I received from this guy, it most definitely shifted my vibe.
When I finally looked at my phone after dropping my eldest off to work tonight, I had two missed calls and two text messages from TH, asking where I was and what was I doing.
So I met him and another guy from work at the gym, and rather than going straight up to him like I usually do, I really didn’t feel compelled to – I just started my workout. He eventually came over to me.
After gym I went back to his house for a bit, and he was VERY attentive… Then he invited me to lunch tomorrow, which is quite a rare thing for him.
I just feel so happy and positive right now, and compared to the other day – it’s amazing what a day of CDing my friend/our kids/online dude can do!
#383 – FW ｰ I’ll try to imagine it too….in my chest or something pretty…the plasic bag seems soo CSI.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:14am
@384 Feminine Woman – yes, I feel TERRIBLY STUPID. I feel like I’ve been kept in the dark my entire life about my own value as a woman, my own purpose as a woman, my sexuality, my spirituality, my identity, my purpose.
I feel so disposable. I feel so easy-to-abandon.
I feel pitied. I want knowledge, I want validation, I want acceptance, but I feel like I can never get it.
I feel so angry and stuck and I’m sitting here at my desk at work and I’m crying and I feel sadness in my head and my throat and it hurts.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:16am
Iamabutterfly – can you go off somewhere I sink into your emotions?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:19am
““I feel like his prey. I feel like his toy. His ego stroker. I feel like he doesn’t really care about me. I feel like I’m just some random chick”
These are really not feelings.”
What AM I telling myself? I feel so angry!!!
I feel like I’ve been telling myself these lies for years.
That a guy can’t possibly have serious intentions towards me when he flirts with me, stares at me, touches me, listens to me, smiles at me.
Why am I telling myself that?
My Mom used to scream at me, “IF A GUY IS INTERESTED HE WILL PURSUE YOU!”
I used to tell her about guys I was interested in, and she would always tell me why they WEREN’T interested.
Like, if a guy didn’t follow her perfect formula of A, B, C, D, then HE WAS NOT INTERESTED. HE JUST LIKES YOU AS A FRIEND. HE’S JUST A FLIRT. HE’S NOT SERIOUS ABOUT YOU.
HOLY CRAP, I feel RAGE.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:21am
Don’t know what CSI means?? But ever since I listened to Rori’s soothing voice talking about the unzippered heart I try to visualize it and radiating love for myself and the world. It helps me to remember to smile from my heart.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:22am
200 (((LiliBee))) – TH and I had a similar conversation not that long ago.
I know how tough it is, but it’s great that you were both able to open up like that. It’s a good step, no matter which direction you’re headed with him.
Like D, TH is also not sure about our future, based on things that have happened with us, and he’s always accusing me of “running away”.
I think you and I have to learn to be ok with uncertainty. Easier said than done though huh?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:23am
RE 394 My own experience was that no man ever seemed to be good enough for me, in my mother’s eyes.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:24am
I don’t know what to believe! Nothing that a guy has EVER done for me HAS EVER felt like enough to PROVE that he cares about me.
and I hear other girls tell me their stories about their wonderful husbands. They INITIATE relationship talks! They ASK her out on REAL DATES.
but lately with my younger friends getting engaged, the stories don’t sound so “set in stone.” I’ve learned that men have a variety of ways to show that they care, so many unspoken…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:25am
just check in with yourself and make sure its not *that* time of the month, and check you arent overtired
What has gone before, what you did before doesnt really matter, except in the sense that you can learn something from it
What matters is what you do now
I feel like giving you a big squishy hug
there is LOTS of time for you to find the validation /purpose/loveyou need
There is no rush
Honestly there isnt
I often feel desperately impatient too, especially after a light bulb moment, when the path seem *so* obvious and I just want to get on and change my life
Feel the feelings
(the heart in plastic bag feels odd to me too-its my profession doing this to me-so Ill have mine on in a purple velvet lined box)
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:26am
Nail on head lama!
there is no”set” way for a man to show he cares and respects us
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:27am
That feels familiar!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:29am
RE 392 How old are you Iamabutterfly? I experience you as 20 something. I am 50+ and I feel the same way at times. But I don’t label myself as stupid. I don’t what I would achieve on my behalf doing that.
Everything is a process. We are all on a path to enlightenment. If we were all born enlightened how boring would life be? There would be nothing to learn.
“. I feel like I’ve been kept in the dark my entire life about my own value as a woman, my own purpose as a woman, my sexuality, my spirituality, my identity, my purpose.” As you explore life you discover these things.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:30am
362 Ulii!! big hug to you. As a matter of fact, I also have a grandad who is like your grandma and I have to visit him tomorrow. More Tam-bashing
FW- Oh yes, it was at a time when i started to loose weight and really enjoyed how i looked and felt.
I was often told i should be out spending more time with people and not spending so much time by myself. And that i seemed obsessed with myself, because i spent so much time in the mirror.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:33am
259 Memulo – WHY are you doing this to yourself??? I feel so tense reading your posts, which are almost exactly the same as each other – all wondering if you should have called/texted, and beating yourself up!
If you had a friend in your situation who was constantly focused on a guy who wasn’t stepping up and was literally OBSESSING over that guy, what would you advise her to do?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:34am
FW – the forensic tv show – CSI …about DNa testing and stuff.
#346 Tam – I’m now reading this…Yes definitely my fear of intiacy acting up…But I worked through it.
Belle- ” growing myself up” — that resonates.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:36am
RE 404 BAB I would go try to find that girl again and see if I could find out what she was feeling when she was in that mirror. That man might feel intrigued and inspired if he meets her.
Heart – duh. I should have know. It is one of my favorites when I watch TV.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:37am
one time when I was 17, this guy and I used to chat online every night. he lived about 5 hours away. We met at a summer program.
He had been flirting with me so much that one night I just snapped and told him I really liked him. over AOL instant messenger, no less, LOL.
and he said he didn’t know what to say.
he said I was so young. (I was three years younger. He was 20.)
Before I knew it, he conveniently decided to come visit my town with his buddy.
He asked me to come into the city with them, but my mom screamed at me, wouldn’t let me go, told me he wasn’t interested because if he was, why would he bring a friend with him?
He came to church with me that weekend, rode in the car with me, flirted with me like crazy.
He left. I was convinced he wasn’t “really” interested because of everything my mom said.
Wow. We kept in touch online through my Sophmore year in college. We saw each other about three or four times during the year.
to be fair, he did this really crazy/romantic/stupid thing and moved somewhere just to be close to another girl.
My almost-boyfriend-number-2 got really jealous of my online, imaginary relationship with older 5 hour guy.
AB#2 and I went to a hockey game together. It was the first time either of us had ever been to a hockey game. I kept asking him questions, assuming he would know more about hockey than I did since he was a guy. He didn’t know anything about hockey. Older 5 hour guy knew EVERYTHING about hockey. I can’t remember what I did or said, but I remember AB#2 getting so angry or jealous or something when I mentioned Older 5 hour guy. (I was young and naive and didn’t understand the power of male jealousy.)
AB#2 started ignoring me after that hockey game. Our paths crossed again after things had cooled down and I had really taken ownership of myself, and I could tell he was still interested, but there was another girl for him at this point, and there was another guy for me, too, so nothing happened.
He married the girl after me, right around the time when things with a new guy I really loved were getting awkward and tense.
Then the new guy I really loved married the girl after me.
After that, I had re-evaluate my entire life, and I’m not even kidding. Took me three years to get over.
I’m just a year out of it. That feels really embarassing, but it’s the truth.
Feels really silly writing all that out, but feels therapeutic too…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:38am
Honestly, I don’t care that Jack CD is “seeing someone” (whatever that means) long distance.
it just makes me feel angry that he didn’t tell me, and that he’s trying to keep it this big secret. I want to know why it’s such a big secret.
I want to know why he calls her, but not me.
Is it because we run into each other so much?
I feel like he MUST like her more.
Either that, or she just knows what’s she’s doing.
She’s a great girl. I don’t know her super well, but what I do know, I like. I could honestly see us being friends. She’s younger. Never been hurt. has an amazing, emotionally healthy, emotionally supportive Mom who I actually consider a friend.
It’s all so weird.
I feel “too messed up” “too scarred” and “too old” to compete with her.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:41am
FW- Yes its a great idea, however i feel freaked out about doing it. I am afraid of how vulnerable it will feel. I am afraid of my bf seeming me do this. I know its silly, but there it is. I need to be open with my insecurities in order to be open with him.
P.s. Im curious about where i can find more info on male jealousy!?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:45am
@ 402 Feminine Woman – I’m 27. So, that IS a twenty-something.
@397 Feminine Woman – RE 394 My own experience was that no man ever seemed to be good enough for me, in my mother’s eyes.
Wow, I feel so moved by this. I feel a shift in my perspective. I feel that way about women that I truly love. I can think of two that no man seems good enough for, but it’s because I love and respect these women so much. Wow.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:48am
I CAN DO THIS.
i noticed yesterday that it’s possible for me to track my feelings better so that actually i never fall all the way in to the deep water…. or i think it is – i can imagine it. like i can imagine my ideal no-fighting relationship : ) & i don’t have it, blast, but i’m feeling near to it, i caress my dream, hello ! you are beautiful ! hooray !!!!!!!! mmmmmmm my mama says beautiful & rested & healthy i look that is the best i think. i’m going to try. & today i’m playing the “Big Man” game where i do a million things really fast like a … machine ? like a …………. like a time-space continuum surfer lol : )) swoop swoop gettin shxt done lol yummy i feel happy & giggly about it today
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:50am
399: ruth – I feel silly because now that you mention it, I did run out of the house without breakfast this morning.
but, I do feel like REAL “issues” come up when we’re hungry, vulnerable, or hormonal from that time of the month.
I feel sleepy…
It feels sad that you seem to be going round and round in circles.
I’m wondering if you are just trying to prove a point, like how dare he NOT be interested in you, so you are refusing to give up on him.
That is how I am perceiving it.
Are you genuinely interested in him or is it just a power struggle and you want him to be interested in you.
That is what I am feeling, sensing whenever I read your posts.
What do you think? Can you be brave enough to tell us?
BAB as Rori says you are the target. I would say go on youtube and look at Rori’s Modern Siren free sample videos.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:51am
I feel super supported and comforted by you, ruth and feminine woman. Thank you so much! I feel warm and teary and hopeful, just having your support.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:52am
like stretching & breathing. that’s the easiest way for me to feel better. spiff up my inner space. “i’m a safe place” way
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:54am
the real issues feel a million times worse if hungry or tired or hormonal
Your story sounds just like one of Roris e mails actually-so I guess if you are doing the tools and finding out about yourself it will all come good
27 is no age at all
You have loads of time to experiment and feel and explore and hopefully have some fun on the way
Actually, we all do
There is a LOT to be said for slowing down and smelling the roses on our journey
I should take my own advice-Impatient woman that I am
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:56am
The thought of looking at myself in a mirror for any length of time , well, I feel scared and icky at the thought
But it is one of the Tools
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:59am
you might as well give in and be … happy
you might as well give in and be … great
Belle – you have helped me so much!!!!
you awesome Goddess
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:00am
I might as well give in and be ……happy
I might as well give in and be…….great
That feels magical sitting here thinking that and inhaling sweet smelling pumpkin spice oil
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:01am
@420 ruth – thanks. I feel silly, because I feel impatient. I have felt a LONGING ever since I first deeply cared for a man. It felt glorious before I let my fear get in the way.
I have also felt a longing for babies and children. I long to be a mother. I long to have a daughter, to teach her her own worth, to love herself, to take advantage of every opportunity given to her, to not be scared of life.
I feel like my Mom was and kind of still is so scared of life.
I want to mother and nuture and teach.
but I guess I can do that for myself RIGHT NOW, huh?
that feels exciting and healing…
l’m going to go eat a nice healthy lunch…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:02am
@ 420 ruth – do you happen to know WHICH email? I get Rori’s emails, and it’s to the point where I’m getting duplicates, but it’s kind of cool getting duplicates after you’ve learned and tried new things.
if you could paste it here, that would feel awesome.
if not, that’s okay too!
I appreciate your support so much. Feels warm and hopeful.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:03am
Tam – a Siren has shared this with me:
its a pdf download of soul healing stories… free or donate by choice…
I downloaded it and read the story about the ‘Inner Father’
and OH WOW
its healed me so much right now!
Im reading your post and thinking of it!
Sure you can lama.Right now, this minute!
That feels good to read
I dont have children but I *do* nurture and teach at work
All the work you do now will benefit your future family
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:04am
Many of us are. First it is life. Then it is death.
It could apply to several of Roris E mails Lama
she is very honest about her past life and mistakes, and that feels good to read
Makes me feel hopeful, for one thing
I shall have a little look and post a link
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:06am
I just donated!
ALL SIRENS WITH PARENT ISSUES!!
PLEASE GO TO THIS LINK AND DOWNLOAD and read the story of ‘Finding My Inner Father’
let yourself FEEL IT!
OH WOW the difference I FEEL!!!
I want to share it with all !
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:08am
The 2 Reasons He Can’t Be Honest With You
You’ve been continually frustrated by his inability to express himself to you.
And you’re right.
There are two reasons he hasn’t done this:
1 – He’s afraid to look you in the eyes and expose his emotions 2 – He doesn’t fully understand himself what he feels and thinks For all their bravado, men are scared to death when it comes to talking about emotions…especially with a women. They’re afraid they’ll seem weak and that they’ll upset you. So they take the path they think will cause the least amount of pain and drama.
And that usually involves giving you the shortest possible answer to get out of the conversation about what he’s feeling.
Also related to their fear of emotions, men are very closed off emotionally. They don’t like looking at their feelings and actions. They are less willing to take a hard look at the truth, compared with women.
So he most likely doesn’t truly understand his feelings himself because he hasn’t figured it out (a lot of guys will never figure it out, even with time).
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:09am
I know what it feels like to almost give up on
There was a time in my life where I thought I
would NEVER find a good man who would love me
unconditionally and completely – who I’d also love
Every time I met an interesting or attractive
new man, I would feel hopeful that this would
finally be IT=2E
But then he would tell me I was only really =22a
friend=22 to him, or he would start flirting with
another woman, or he would start to be less and
less affectionate until one day he would just walk
out of my life=2E
HOW MY HISTORY CREPT INTO MY OWN RELATIONSHIPS
I know that my bad experiences in love weren’t
making things any easier for me=2E
I was probably settling for a lot of bad
behavior from men because I so much wanted to be
loved, get married and have a family of my own=2E
And by ACCEPTING the bad behavior and
overfunctioning and treating the man as if HE
mattered more than my feelings, I wasn’t very
attractive to the men I was dating=2E
In hindsight I can see that I appeared needy
and clingy, maybe a little too =22forgiving=22 of
things even THEY knew weren’t right=2E=2E=2E
Like when the man I was dating flirted with his
female =22friends=22 right in front of me=2E=2E=2Ewhile I
sat there feeling completely mortified and numb
with jealousy and shame=2E
TURNING THINGS AROUND AND FEELING TRULY LOVED
I’ve been through all the yucky feelings that
come from getting hurt over and over=2E And I’ve
learned since that unless you can STOP the
negativity and hopelessness somehow, it only gets
worse as time passes=2E
It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy=2E The more
you believe bad things will happen, the more bad
That’s why I developed and recorded my Heart
Connection Toolkit program for you=2E
My Toolkit is a collection of my very best
encouraging words, advice, mantras and exercises
designed to LIFT your self-esteem, change your
attitude and make you feel more empowered in
relationships and dating=2E
It’s my very best Tools to help you rise ABOVE
the negativity and bad experiences and see
yourself as the goddess and Rock Star you really
FEEL BETTER AND BECOME MORE ATTRACTIVE
With the new, fresh attitude and energy you’ll
get after listening to my Toolkit and working
through the mantras and visualizations, you’ll
feel MORE GROUNDED and RELAXED around him=2E
You’ll be able to stay true to yourself, no
matter what he=C2=92s doing or saying around you=2E
This will have the incredible effect of getting
his ATTENTION – fast=21 He will feel a difference in
you=2E You’ll be relaxed and you’ll have higher
self-esteem=2E And in turn, he will relax and feel
more comfortable around you=2E He’ll feel more
attracted to you=2E
The best part about my Toolkit is that you can
listen to it as often as you need to=2E You can
listen to it in the car on the way to work, on the
way to a date, or while you take a walk outside=2E
My voice will cheer you on and encourage you=2E
You don’t have to DO anything if you don’t feel
like it=2E Just listen=2E It will create changes in
your attitude and thoughts the more you listen to
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:12am
Recently my bf has been apologizing for how much he talks, or for interrupting me when i am doing something, even if im just reading drawing or watching a show. He will seek me out and start talking and i will listen, doing my best not to convince, console or take offense or advise in any of the convos we have.
And he has started to say “Im sorry ill stop talking” or “im sorry i dont mean to bug you” Now when he says these things ill just fallow up with “Its ok, your not” and smile. and he will sometimes go back to talking or go about his own stuff eventually.
Im not worried in the moment that i am handling it right, because i really don’t mind if he was indeed talking too much or bugging me.
But i do wondering if, him saying these things mean i am not giving out the ( Open loving feeling) I mean to be..
Does this make sense? I feel like i am, but this is a semi new behavior for him, so it makes me curious..
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:21am
427 Thank you Daria, def will check it out when I have a minute!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:22am
I don’t feel excited, but I got the job offer for the home health care aide working with children with medical conditions in their own homes. I took information without accepting the offer yet.
It is as I feared: It doesn’t pay enough to live on. To make it even worse, there are no guaranteed hours. If I’m lucky, I would get 35 hours a week, if I worked 6 days a week. And as long as I’m living in my current home, my commute to my home area, where the job is and where I intend to move back, would cost $20 to $25 USD a day in gas, not to mention wear and tear on the car.
Suddenly my technical writing career looks inviting. And this is the dilemma I’ve faced for the past 11 years, as a tech writer. I want to work with people, yet I have living expenses and heavy debts. I feel stuck.
I assume I shouldn’t take the position, which feels frustrating after a two hour interview and waiting a couple weeks for a complete background check to clear. I welcome any feedback. Ugh. I feel discouraged.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:26am
well honestly i would feel happy if we were all born enlightened
then we could play and sing and dance and create amazing cool stuff and laugh and feel happy and joyful and natural
*this triggers my memory of thinking ‘peace’ would feel boring but now i get its NOT
thers alwasy transformation too
likely we are all enlightened already
i want to treat myself and everyone with full respect
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:30am
if you respect someone, can you ‘help’ them?
or would that be judging them as in need of help
maybe say hey this might help you feel better, and they can choose
from FW’s link on LOA
14. Be precise. Know exactly how and what your life is to be. Once you have figured that out, starting acting like it is reality. Trust me, this works.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:48am
i missed a call from CD over here 15 min ago
im not gonna call back (even tho we don’t use voicemails here)
he couldve texted and asked me to call im sure
this is for me
its not about formality, politeness, or any of that
also i feel like running away anyway LOl so this make s it easier on me
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:01am
‘im a stuckup BIT*CH!!!”
ie a high maintenance woman
who does she think she are?
some kinda superstar?
helll s yeah baby
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:02am
ANNNNDDDDD a friend of mine WHO IS GREEEEAT at music has shown up to let me know he has music equipment!!!
MUSIC STUDIOS HERE I COME!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:05am
438 Radlove, that’s a toughie. Can you work with the kids and do some writing ‘on the side’, freelance?
Do you have that opportunity?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:06am
this friend is so brave, he can have no money and he stops at gas station and asks people for money and tadah!
and also he;’s been training to live in wilderness which i want
he says he knows how to give women squirting orgasms and he can show me lol
THIS guy i wouldnt have given him much time before
as he’s not that ‘hard’
and also he’s the guy who was always grabbing at girls coochies in hs and everyone was like get away from me lil boy
i feel a bit embarassed but hey
i actually feel good about those things
im def Street Hard enough for both of us….
i dono but just stepping babysteps
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:08am
Rori,there is this MANY men now circulating in my life and i really need an advice.How do I recognice the right one?for me there is this man who has been interested in me for three years now,but he never takes a step further.well,it was this small step.i have said no to him lots of times but he always seems to come back and i somehow think it is him but its going so slow.then it is this really nice guy in a shop nearby who always asks me how im doing,smiles and tries in every way to make me happy.that is an extra jobb he has there.This summer i met this very interesting guy who i somehow had this soulmatefeeling with,he touched deep in my heart and we were sms ing for a while but he was not into me like i wanted.and by the way i contacted him first and he is surely the man who ask you out and pay for everything.so he obviously did not see me as THAT woman.and there are other men to but noone asks me out.what is the rules??how do I know who is the one and how does he know i am?does he,at once,or does it ever happen another way ?thank you Rori,if you can give me some advice(i have even started to look online but i really think it is one of all these guys,probably not the soulmateman cos he dont feel that way for me though)what is the sign to look for?how do i feel it?lots of love
he is straight jockin me lol
he probably can’t believe his luck that im giving him the time of day lol
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:10am
I just got chills…I was just thinking of that story today and how profoundly it has affected me, thank you for sharing and promoting it! Teka is AMAZING!!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:12am
Feeling fantastic this morning!
G has taken a couple days off work for his cold. Yesterday he got up with me at 530 and made coffee and prepped me a breakfast, made lunch when I got home and a delicious dinner…Bbq burgers and roasted yams with rosemary. Yummy! This morning he got up with me again, made coffee, showered with me and prepped me a breakfast again. I feel so well cared for and loved and open and receptive and appreciative Such an effort he is making, and it means the world to me! It also feels incredibly easy to express my feelings right now. I said “Wow it feels so great to be taken care of!” and he said “Don’t worry lady, I got your back.” Sh1ts good.
“I am a link in the endless chain of birthing women”
I nearly fell off my chair just now, remember the story I told you above?
My Dad just chatted to me for a bit and said:
yes, we are pretty well-off now and lead the good life. I realise that we are a little lucky, I guess.
It’s almost as if he knew I saw their wage slips and had a major anger session at them portraying the ‘we are struggling financially’ .
Universe, you do surprise me
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:13am
Ok so I need some input….first let me say, I feel good, I feel gorgeous and goddessike, sleeping naked in satin sheets, a Brazilian wax, and dancing in the morning to music that makes me feel fun, sexy, and beautiful have me in a really good place emotionally. This is the thing….my husband, he is not stepping up with clear actions. I sent him a text Saturday that said I’m feeling a little confused, weird and concerned about a few things….he replied “why?”, I then texted back you mentioned last week that you were no longer intrested in doing the marriage program , and I’ve Ben feeling a little bad and weird about that, I don’t want to feel like that, I want to feel secure and good…what do you think? He immediately calls me, and tells me not to worry, that he stop wants to work on the marriage, and he knows he needs to come over, and when he does he’d prefer us just talk about our issues, or watch marriage dvds. I told him thank you, and that I felt better. We talked for a while, he told me that he got in contact with his sister (who he is estranged with…due to family drama), and he was going to pay her a visit Sunday…she was supposedly open to reconciliation…..anyways……he has not called me since Saturday….I called him on Monday, because something in the house broke and I needed him to come fix it…..he is quite the handy man, he sounded really happy to hear from me….told me to call him back during his lunch break, I told him I’d feel better if he called me since his breaks can be at random, he said he would help me, and that he would call me…..that was yesterday at 11am….I still haven’t heard from him….we’be been communicating for a little over 1month after almost 6months of separation with no communication….he has not asked me out, and to be honest I feel weird….I feel like games are being played…..I’ve been feeling good about giving him one week (this time frame is for me, I’m not telling him this or giving him an ultimatum) to show his intrested in this marriage and me, or come next Monday I’m cutting of contact with him by 75%, and when he foes call I need an effective script ready…..and if he hasn’t stepped up by December 1st I’m filing for a divorce….I can’t take this limbo ish anymore…..I deserve to feel loved, cherished, and with a man who sees me for the sexy goddess that I am. I’m not angry with my husband….I just don’t want to feel stuck….
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:14am
That is cracking me up, I have been listening to the CD for the past 3 week
You might as well!!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:17am
cocokisses sounds like you are setting healthy boundaries for yourself. Though I would also start immediately cdating. That way you see possibilities and options so you can clearly tell if he is not treating you the way you want to be treated.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:18am
I feel better. Lunch made me feel better. I still have all these questions though:
what am I doing or not doing that makes men feel compelled to approach me, talk to me, and yet not ask me for coffee or anything? It makes me feel unattractive.
why do some men stare at me but not approach, even when I open my heart and smile and am warm and inviting?
how am I closing myself off?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:19am
Hmmm but it feels very difficult to go home hehe but I will!! mmm yes.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:20am
My heart feels all sunny and bubbly, thank you for receiving
it’s a blessing to know what I’ve learned on my path is a blessing to others
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:23am
@442 Daria – “also i feel like running away anyway LOl so this make s it easier on me”
why do you feel like running away?
Ive thought of a great activity to inspire my children if they read a traumatic story… to say.. that story isnt finished, and thats why it feels bad… if you think of a way to end it that feels good, that would help the story out
and i can help if you want
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:24am
lama – hehe i feel ‘shy’ to meet this blind date guy, im triggered!
his voice sounded great on the phone!!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:25am
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:26am
ooooooh daria. yummy that sounds lovely
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:27am
What should I do? Should I cry? Fly? Die? Sigh? Ask why? Get high? Say oh my? Say good bye? Eat some pie? Get with another guy?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:28am
445 – “Radlove, that’s a toughie. Can you work with the kids and do some writing ‘on the side’, freelance?
Do you have that opportunity?”
Thanks, that is where my thoughts are going, too. I am just thinking about it. Also, I talked with the friend who currently works there as an RN, asking for her advice. She thinks if I were to get the formal CNA training, I would be paid higher. She said just discuss with them honestly where I’m at and ask for their advice.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:31am
@feminine woman…..I have mixed feelings about cdating while being legally married….although going out with a man who makes me feel delicious would be what the doctor ordered
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:32am
@ I am butterfly…it is amazing what a good meal can do
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:33am
@ 432 Daria
Thanks for sharing the link! I will be looking into it an a while.
I felt so smiley reading about your day.
You dropped off his radar.
Don’t we feel more special when we lean back and they come looking for us.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:34am
@ I am butterfly…..you are fabulous….when you go out, you have to say to yourself I am the air that all these men need to breathe….to make me feel confident I wear a great pair of heels and my favorites perfume
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:36am
He has stomach virus, still quite weak
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:39am
@470 coco kisses – aww, thanks I feel smiley reading that. So, it seems my main problem is confidence? that feels right. I need to be more confident! I have nothing to be not confident about!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:40am
coco I understand how you feel about the not cdating (or loyalty) but it obviously is not working for you.
sounds like horsecrap
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:42am
@feminine woman…..its not about the loyalty as it is I don’t feel good about starting anything new if I have unfinished business….ironically as I was reading your last comment he texted me asking me what time I git home tonight…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:44am
Memulo, not too weak to pick up the phone…..let me guess, you called him?
@ feminine woman….what sounds like horse crap??….I feel surprised to see you say something like that…..lol
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:46am
@ Femininewoman 372
Thanks for pointing out that Dominique’s post.
I understand it encourages to continue to be warm & open to him. Even in a situation he only wants friends and I am also attracted to him? And we have only met once…
Right now I feel reluctant to do it. Like putting myself into a position to get hurt by his lack of romantic interest.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:49am
How are your fingers doing?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:50am
@ Tam 403
Thanks for the hug Tam!
And good luck with your granddad tomorrow!
Good to read about your father acknowledging the situation a bit.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:52am
Fingers are doing well Ulii. Just the middle one still a bit sore and have some healing to do. Thanks for asking.
cocokisses – borrowing some of Rori’s words. I was referring to the stomach virus.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:54am
Thank you ulii, I did need that twice, the ‘good luck’, believe me
Amazing – hugs! keep circular dating… lean back don’t contact first, YES get online!
and… the only way you know is when a man consistently pursues you and asks you for commitment – with a ring asking for marriage and plan for life together
so keep dating, dont get attached! kudos to you for dropping the man that wasn’t stepping up as you would’ve wanted
Tam – thank goodness all is not lost with your dad.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:55am
My neighbor that was walking his dog who stopped to talk to me. I’m thinking about my interaction with him.
He started talking to me because of my license plate, because he was from the same place.
and I told him I had been here about seven years. and when I asked him how long HE had lived here, he said about 24 years.
Whoa! He couldn’t have lived where I’m from for very long. I didn’t ask how old he was, but I would say mid thirties if I had to guess.
I felt like he really just wanted an excuse to talk to me…
I’m just remembering that interaction because he had his dog with him. His dog was REALLY friendly and cute. I asked the man if his dog was friendly, because I know a dog who can START friendly and get REALLY vicioius if you make one wrong move.
then he asked me if I was afraid of dogs?
and I said “no.”
but I wonder if he was feeling my fear of HIM instead of the dog?
I don’t remember feeling afraid of him.
I felt surprised.
I felt a little sad, because I had just gotten done bawling my eyes out.
I guess I did feel a little wary of him, because he figured out where I lived and parked my car.
did my fear keep him at a distance?
did my fear make him second guess asking me to do something with him?
I feel curious…
I just want to understand why men approach without following up with plans…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:56am
yay for Feminine Woman’s fingers! so happy to hear taht !!!! wwooooh i feel happy!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:57am
Tam – awwwr Im glad your dad fessed up…now u can feel more at ease.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:58am
memulo, giiiiiiiirl you are always second guessing yourself with this man.
are you actually always like this with any man you take an interest in?
i have this image of your adrenals just exhausted from the anxiety.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 9:59am
coco kisses – oh! CD is NOT about starting somethng new… its about learning about YOU and healing – its excellent free therapy
its not about getting with a new man at all – seems crazy but it works so lovely to keep the focus on you
and get clear, inspire even past men to step up
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:00am
Thank You BW.
I feel good to have you for support and encouragement.
I hope I do the same for you.
I see how my inconsistent behaviour of wanting a relationship while walking out at the same time, shows lack of integrity on my part and does not inspire him to trust me.
It’s the 1st time ever he opened up and was completely honest with me.
I was open to hearing him out, and I am still receiving what he was saying.
I accept how he feels.
The fact that he put aside all the gameplaying and was straight did something for me.
I feel more inspired to respect him and his space.
I can see how I would feel trusting if a man were to be straight with me instead of walking away and hide.
I feel manipulated when he avoids and hides things from me, and that makes me feel mistrustful.
This heart to heart with him really helped cimented what I want, and how I can inspire it.
I dropped the tough girl walking out act and got real.
No manipulating to get on top of the situation and gain control.
Sometimes I think What if I just found a man who is honest and straightforward?
The fact is, if we want to attract such a man, we have to be that way ourselves 1st.
We can’t change the man we have, but we can inspire by changing ourselves.
What if he felt safe to be honest and straight?
I can inspire him to feel safe by really listening and accepting what he has to say.
I respect that he has doubts and needs space to think and put things in perspective.
I even feel grateful for it, as it allows me my own space to heal.
This experience has definitely cimented what kind of relationship I really want, and has strengthened my desire for it.
You definitely sound very attractive & fabulous person. And from what you write, it seems you “draw men in” everywhere you go. But maybe there is a little vibe of being afraid of getting hurt. And that is probably holding some men back. But you have a lot to be confident about, I feel more than sure.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:04am
Im feeling angry, hurt, put on the back burner and forgotten.. Gotta take my mind of him… ughhh
I feel a good positive feeling shift in my vibe today.
I woke up feeling motivated and energized.
My thoughts feel clear.
I feel motivated to take care of me.
LiliBee if I may give you some feedback too I have to admit that the coolness and aloofness that I was experiencing have now disappeared from your comments. You now feel more like a real human being living a real life. I can almost say that I can really feel you. Almost like I can reach out and you are there.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:06am
It’s partially because I feel uncomfortable with some tools. I feel that I am not 100% myself when I am using them. And scared to make a mistake
I believe I experience Iamabutterfly as a kind of inquisitor. Wanting so desperately to know and to understand so maybe unintentionally dialling up the intensity.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:07am
so you’ve only been like this with SmartCD?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:09am
My muscle stiffness is all gone.
I feel free, flowy, flexible.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:10am
Starla, no;) with other men that I cared about as well
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:15am
@492 Ulii – aw, thanks. I feel really blushy reading that I “draw men in” wherever I go. I think I do…sometimes! when I’m ovulating. lol.
@497 Feminine Woman – I feel curious about this, which feels funny, because you read me as an inquisitor! I do feel curious/inquisitive a lot, I suppose.
I wonder if my “trying to understand” does dial up the intensity? maybe I lean forward unintentionally, wondering just what the intentions of the men are?
ugh, I feel frustrated.
These sayings feel good:
“Keep it light enough to travel.”
“Loving you is fun.”
I feel like I used to be so much more fun than i am now. I need to stop worrying about getting hurt, stop worrying about “intentions,” and just get out there, lean back, feel playful, and have fun.
I feel kind of embarassed.
I want to change my vibe.
I want it to feel lighter, warmer, more welcoming, inviting, less serious, less heavy.
maybe that’s it…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:17am
Iamabutterfly I agree with Ulii and really believe your anxiety needs some time for you to work through it. There really is no need for urgency.
I should also say that men is pretty much the only area in my life where I feel so crazy. Everywhere else I am more or less cool and not afraid to make decisions
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:21am
Happy about your fingers healing FW!!!
I want to experiment!
I want to tease men. one up them.
I love it when they get nervous around me. Even though it shows they are not as confident as is ideal, I think it’s so cute. I need to play with them.
I really “love” younger men in their early twenties, and they seem to “love” me too. There is something really innocent and playful about them, and I have the security and maturity that girls their age are still developing.
Speaking of which, SeenmecryCDs gf brushed past me the other day. I smiled at her. She looked so unhappy and threatened by me!
I feel sorry for her. She is so young (younger than me), has already been married, and was left by her first husband.
Maybe that’s why she’s so insecure and feels threatened by me.
aw, that feels sad.
The big deal here is that he is initiating. He clearly wants to spend time with me even now that I have another place.
Also–I said what I wanted–the intimate stuff.
I told him I would load the book onto the kindle formatter in two versions and he would have to look and choose.
So that may happen tonight.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:22am
“…really believe your anxiety needs some time for you to work through it. There really is no need for urgency.”
Thank you for your support. i can feel that you care and it feels great.
I feel kind of sad reading this, though.
That word feels curious.
I do have extreme fear of never marrying.
of being a freak, incapable of giving and receiving love.
I was actually having panic attacks when I first discovered Rori.
Whenever I had to be alone for an extended period of time (Holidays feel really sad for me when I can’t be with loved ones) and felt hopelessly lonely, it would get to the point where WHEN I was around people, I would start to feel extreme anxiety and paranoia. Like they were thinking “what’s wrong with her?” or feeling sorry for me and I HATE having people feel sorry for me.
It’s so hard in “church culture” where it feels like most marry young to the first person they ever deeply love and have lives relatively free of heartache.
It was honestly difficult for me to find people to connect with when i was experiencing all that rejection and confusion so many years ago. I had never felt so alone in all my life.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:29am
Even though it shows they are not as confident as is ideal,
Not sure I agree with that Iamabutterfly. It might be just that you are so magnetic they get nervous.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:33am
Daria–I am thinking about the online thing.
It may be different over 50 or 55.
I have NEVER been contacted by a dateable man, over a seven year period.
I have changed my photos, my about section and my name.
The men in the proper age group, and even some older then me by 10 years, are chasing the 40 somethings.
Or I get an occasional blatant sex come-on from a 30 something guy.
But mostly one liners from men that are very far away, scary looking, and semi-illiterate.
But it is the age thing that is the worst.
On the other hand–in real life–the men in my bracket and one up talk to me, engage with me, and call me.
That is why I love MeetUp and why I get out of the house all the time. If I were shy it might be different.
I also have almost 5000 direct connections on Facebook, and 3000 fans. I go to lots of business things out of town that are full of men–maybe not all single but some are.
So I don’t really feel like I’m avoiding anything worthwhile by pulling the profiles.
Also–OK Cupid has the questions to determine personality. I answered 800 of them, with none about sex. Yet they have me as MORE KINKY and MORE EXPERIENCED in SEX as the top bars. I have Xed out all the questions, but the personality analysis remained the same. I have written to them to no avail.
I started another profile and answered more questions and the same thing happened. THis is just not for me.
It makes me feel cheap. I can do better.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:34am
@ 502 Femininewoman
Wow! I feel so good to read you agree with me. Like a bit honoured even.. Funny that a little remark can make such a positive impact.
I feel about you a bit similar way I used to feel about my very respected & loved favorite teachers & professors at school and later at university. Like mix of admiration & a bit afraid of them but really wanting them to notice me and really interested in what they had to say.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:35am
FW, my sister thinks I should initiate contact with those nervous guys. I don’t know how I feel about that.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:37am
RE 508 I could have wrote that Iamabutterfly. Trust me it is a lie that they live free of heartache. As you get older you will start hearing the stories. Things aren’t always what they seem.
Miss Bells the age thing is not true. I get contacted by men all the time and go out on dates. It might be the location? Or something else.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:41am
486 – FW, that was my thought exactly. Surprise!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:42am
Goddess Lily if a guy is shy or nervous it is best that he gets over himself, is my opinion. However, I believe you could also experiment leaning forward just maybe to heal yourself of the belief that shy guys act differently.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:43am
memulo do you think that is a sign that this guy is not the right one for you?
or some other serious flashing yellow light trying to show you something?
i just don’t t hink this is how you’re supposed to feel with a guy in “romance”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:44am
489 Thanks Heart!! Yes, I feel a little better now
This is a cute story!
Something similar (though not as humiliating) happened recently. If I ever feel gassy, I usually try to leave the room. One day Mr. A was commenting that he doesn’t think he’s ever heard me fart.
Last week, a surprise squeaky bit of flatulence got out. He laughed and said “Sweetie! I’m soooooo not letting that go unnoticed! You never fart, I was beginning to wonder if you’re human!” I said “Awww… now I feel all embarrassed.” He gave me a big kiss and squeeze and said: “I love you baby….”
@509 Thanks Feminine Woman, that feels nice to hear.
I have a negative voice in my head that keeps saying, “oh come on, you are not THAT great.”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:45am
495: Femininewoman says:
I feel so touched reading your comment.
I feel so grateful for your generosity to share.
It is so helpful to me to really get how people experience me.
Do you happen to know when you felt my cold aloofness leave?
It makes me want to go back and reread my posts.
I believe the shift is from me feeling more open.
I wonder what really did it.
Or maybe it’s a whole string of events leading up to it.
Maybe if I just sink in the ‘open’ feeling to really remember what it feels like.
I feel open.
I feel resistence melting away.
Muscle stiffness gone = resistence has faded away…hmmm I feel fascinated by this link.
I feel free.
I feel energized and perky.
I love feeling this way and I want it to last.
I can get to feeling this way without a man.
Hmmm, it is all about Me.
That thought feels powerful.
This man may never be able to trust me with all the past repeated behaviour…but I can inspire a new man.
Hmmm…Cd’ing, not waiting around for any man.
Flexing those siren muscles to excercise them.
It will get easier and easier.
I feel determined to be inspiring instead of controlling.
I have every intention to be soft on the ouside and strong on the inside.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:46am
@513 Feminine Woman – thank you for this as well. I feel really understood and it feels great.
I have a nagging suspicion that it’s true, that things aren’t always as they seem.
I feel really turned off by guys who give off that “desperate to get married” vibe.
I try not to have that vibe and I don’t think I have that vibe, most of the time.
I do really want to date lots of men, though!
and for some reason, I feel guilty saying that.
and I feel really jealous that Jack CD is calling this younger girl long distance.
I feel super, incredibly, ridiculously jealous.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:52am
that’s one of many reasons why I want to CD more!
to change my vibe from one of needy and jealous, to secure, fun, and inviting!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:53am
If I don’t want another ring, or another wedding, and I just want a plan, a life together, and a family…We are making the plans, talking through our dreams and he has told me his specific plan to make this happen. He is taking charge. Rowing the boat.
I don’t know if I updated everyone, but last week G got the good news that he is next in line for foreman at work! Which is MUCHO MUCHO amazing because he won’t have to go away to work for 2 years if he’s making a foreman’s salary
So…I feel a little tiny bit scared and wary to really sink into my happiness. Like…All my life, just when i’m feeling good and things are in place BOOM something happens to shake it all up! I feel this is my last hurdle before I can fully commit myself to him! But it’s a tiny one I think. I feel…ugh! I gotta let go of this fear and say “You deserve this stix, and just accepting it will not make it disappear.”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:54am
I want to have at least two more guys in my rotation. at least! and I’d like to really feel fun attraction with them.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:55am
Lilibee-yes, i too can sense a huge difference in your vibe
You arent angry anymore
You accept things about yourself
Whichever way this all goes with D, you will be happier in the end, I can feel this
Lama, I am going to sound like a mom or some much older person here(well, I am LOL)
But part of getting through your teens and twenties, well, its about starting to be yourself.Realising that you do *not* have to live up to others expcetations, be that your parents, a church, the workplace.
You are YOU
The actual process of realising that and eventually feeling comfortable with it, and not caring what others think can be really hard work
But it is one advantage of getting older
One of the biggest attractions about Roris stuff for me, is that she puts us in charge of what happens to us.
This of course , isnt about control at all
But knowing that we can work on ourselves and then just sit back and receive(or choose not to) , well, for me, has been quite a revelation
In work I have always gone out and fought for what I wanted.As a female doctor, that was a hard fight
It feel good to know that there might be another way in relationships
Just so used to taking care of myself-my motto used to be”look after yourself cos as sure as H8ll noone else will”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:56am
It could be the location–I live in the bay area.
But–I think 7 years is enough of a try.
I meet loads of great people, some of them single men, all the time.
I have never had a good date that came from online, though I did make a good f2f friend once (he was already a Frugal Goddess fan…)
I know other people have different results. But I trust and honor my own experience.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:57am
Miss Stix, that feels good to read
Mr. Stares me down is super hot. But I don’t feel like he will approach me for some reason. He hasn’t yet, just “conveniently” happened to be right outside my classroom door.
hmm…I need to try the Rori Raye Dance Position with him and see what happens…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:58am
Talking to my lil’ girl just now…
I was feeling insecure sitting next to C at lunch and I asked her about it
I (it’s very challenging to type “I” and not “she”)
way deep down have been feeling scared he might turn on me and yell at me and hit me
and it’s as if unconsciously this whole time I’ve been trying to make friends with the scary person to
be sure I’ll never be hit again
I’m feeling a strong desire to ask him for reassurance but I won’t I’ll sit here and feel this.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:00am
Thank You Ruth
Your comments make me feel validated that I am on the right path.
I feel more loving and compassionate towards myself.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:01am
i want to ask my cousin if she wants to help me with something but i’m feeling afraid i will hurt her feelings
hooray ! i have ideas & i have feelings : )
memulo i totally mis-read you, i’m sorry! i thought you were saying u never felt like this before.
ack i feel silly/stupid SORRY GIRL:)
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:02am
I find there are a lot of guys (specially the hot ones) who are really used to being chased by women. So a different approach is maybe confusing to them & some of them are not (yet) capable of stepping up. Although mostly they are inspireable by us. But someitmes it´s not yet a righyt moment or it might take too much time and the more stepping up guys get to spend time with us.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:08am
He’s feeding you more lies Memulo. This man’s pattern is always to say he’s been “sick” after ignoring you and/or standing you up. I’m beginning to think this is what you want or you’d draw a line …somewhere.
We all see it but you can not. I’m sorry you’re going through such a whirlwind with this man but it’s your choice at this point.
@ Feminine Woman or Daria…or any other siren…can you help me come up with a script, in case my husband does not step up with any real actions of intrest….I bascly want to tell him, that although it has felt great to talk with him, laugh with him, and spend time with him, I’m feeling like I want more. I want to feel loved, cherished, desired, and womanly, instead I feel confused, unsure, and at times bad. I don’t want to feel like this, it feels horrible. I don’t want to pressure you or try to control you, but I’m feeling good at this time to move on with my own life. What do you think?….this is my script….please tweak or add…thanks …should I tell him that I’m planning on filing for divorce in December 1st…or will that come off wrong?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:11am
RE 504 Well Memulo if I were you I would ask myself some tough questions about ME. It seems you are focussed on the externals rather than the internal. As if you are running away from yourself hoping some man will catch you. Or maybe running away from something in your life that you don’t want to face. My experience was that when my internals shift my behavior also shifted so I don’t have to keep second guessing everything I do. Some thing I do still second guess but for the most part I can shake myself and just decide to choose another behavior or tell my NV to back up.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:13am
I also wonder if women aren’t afraid of being with a sick man. Or a man is always sick. Maybe it is my age, but I wonder why the he!ll would I want to take a chance of a man dying on top of me?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:14am
@120 Belle – wow, I just now saw your post! I was busy spamming, lol.
I love the way your post reads. Feels magical.
Its kind of crazy you had a dream like that. I had a dream that was similar, only in that I was singing a song in it that I hadn’t ever heard in my waking life, and it was one of the most beautiful things I had ever heard.
I wish I could remember it!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:15am
Thank you ruth!
Eek this feels big for me! Feeling this today has me realizing some things…I am always looking for the next way out. To save myself. Yet…I no longer want to save myself. I no longer need saving! Oh…Yay!!
Mmm new perspective!
I have a couple of years of bliss coming my way before we start a family. So i’m going to visualize what this will look like! and keep that vision in my mind.
I feel happy feelings for G too! Because life is going his way. he works SO hard. It’s funny how just when he commits to taking drastic measures to MAKE things happen, they just came to him in a better way. Delicious!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:16am
I cant keep up!
I feel happy you are setting boundaries, that you wont wait around for ever.
doing lovely things for yourself is also CD-ing, but, actually, in your situ, I cant see anything wrong with a coffee or lunch date with a nice man.YOU get to decide what you do or dont do
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:17am
I deal with death and dying and sickness all day at work, and tbh, what turns me on is rude health!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:19am
cocokisses I hope Mel responds to your request. I believe she has aced the FMs.
But I have to say I feel turned off about the feeling bad. I would not say that because I believe there is some amount of wanting to control things why you feel that way. I might be somewhat what you are telling yourself.
My sense is that you need consistency to feel turned on. I am not sure he asked you to put your life on hold so telling him you want to move on with your life might backfire a bit. For the most part I believe though that you have some great feeling messages there. Maybe you need to include some body language to communicate these feelings?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:20am
ulii & iamabutterfly,
“maybe confusing to them & some of them are not (yet) capable of stepping up. Although mostly they are inspireable by us. But someitmes it´s not yet a righyt moment or it might take too much time and the more stepping up guys get to spend time with us.”
mmm this sounds yummy to me & i’m feeling good reading it & imagining how men who are not ready can interact respectfully – worship-fully : ) – & then just move away – & yes, inspired ! & we both move on toward our good partners : ))) yayyy i like that : ))) & also they keep us company & lift our vibe : ) the men ALL want to give to & cherish & protect the ALL the women. that’s what i Believe
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:22am
@534 Ulii – that feels very curious. (wow, curious is like my favorite word today, lol.) Seenmecry CD is extremely hot. Before he had a girlfriend, girls were always vying for his attention. I wonder if what made me stand out is that I would NOT chase him.
but I also worried that he wouldn’t “get” that I was extremely interested. I’m still practicing speaking my feelings, after all.
This guy doesn’t have girls throwing themselves at him the way SeenmecryCD did, though. I’m not sure why, but it makes me feel a little nervous.
SeenmecryCD is not only hot, but a GREAT guy. I mean, smart, humble, funny, caring.
I feel curious about Mr. Stares me down. Hmm. He does seem less confident than Seenmecry. He’s older. Maybe not as perfect shape. (though his biceps are perfect, if you ask me.)
I feel curious about his character as a person…
now this feels dumb. we need to interact, simple as that.
536.I like your script just as it is coco, but im no expert
I’ve been leaning forward with this younger guy, just to see what happens. I don’t anything crazy, I just ask if I can sit with him sometimes, and I might walk with him sometimes.
He’s so shy and quiet and cute and he gets nervous when i sit next to him.
i find myself telling him all the various things that make me feel awkward, lol. He’s really nice to me, and seems happy no matter what I do or say.
it feels nice, non-threatening. light and easy.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:25am
LiliBee I believe I am now getting that you don’t have it all figured out why it feels that way to me. Before the feeling messages kinda portrayed some who had it all down pat about her feelings. I dunno maybe you were feeling the feelings but not really accepting them. Now I feel acceptance of yourself and your situation. Almost like some kind of opposing energies playing – letting go but at the same time lifted. I am not even sure I make sense to myself. It just feels different and lighter rather than heavy.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:26am
I recently let out a cute fart when out on a walk with EM.
(well, I say ‘cute’. It was one of my more compact and musically pleasing ones).
He looked flabbergasted, and then informed me that no woman has ever done that in front of him before. I felt surprised. He is 53 years old!
I looked at his face a few moments later and I noticed him chuckling to himself. I felt pleased.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:40am
LiliBee this comment jumped at me
“Sean and his wife want to resolve some issues in their sexual relationship, but they can’t begin to address the issues if their intent is to protect/control. They first need to open to learning about their intent before they can open to learning about the issue. This is true of all issues. It’s actually relatively easy to resolve most issues once both people are open to learning, but it’s impossible when one or both are closed, defended, protected and controlling.”
Particularly the “intent to protect” and you immediately came to mind. I am wondering if that was what I was getting before and now that that shield is down I am feeling you now more as real?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:49am
not a silent but deadly then;)
Farts make me chuckle too
Ooh, no, Ruth.
Those SBD’s are reeally embarassing!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:51am
What Men think about Sex
You know what I think about during sex?
Sometimes I think about how dominating I feel being inside her.
Sometimes I think about how powerful I am, and how much control I have over her orgasms.
Sometimes I have sex just to shut her up.
That’s right. Sometimes I’m just tired of women talking. I don’t care about the drama in your day. I don’t care about the fight with your best friend. I don’t care about the person at work that’s jealous of you.
Sometimes you just talk way too much. So I just fuck you because I want you to shut up, and then after I’m done and you start talking again, I’ll just tell you to relax and ‘enjoy the moment.’
Other times, I like to talk dirty during sex. I like to whisper dirty things in your ear. I like to tell you what to do. Give you commands. Sometimes I like to do it because it makes me feel more powerful.
I never think about fantasies. I’m not a role player. I’m not the guy that thinks of picking you up in a bar and banging you on the street. Those types of things never got me off.
Usually it’s just something very animalistic. I either want you, desire you, or I don’t, or I just want you to shut up. It’s fun shutting you up with my dick.
It’s a power trip that I have.
But regardless of my reason for having sex at the moment, I’m always 100% present. If I’m having sex with a woman, even if I’m screwing her just to shut her up, I’m 100% connected to her. I’m not thinking about anything but what we’re feeling in that moment.
So now, let’s flip the switch. You know what I think about sometimes during sex, what do you think about? Do you ever just sleep with a guy just to shut him up because you don’t want to hear about his fantasy football league?
Do you ever sleep with a man just to shut him up? Do you think about other men?
Do you think about three-ways, do you think about girl-on-girl experiences?
What do you think about when you have sex?
I want to hear from you today so reply to this email and let me know.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:53am
cocokisses – if it were me in that situation i wouldnt do that. it would seem like looking for closure.
i would see if he steps up if i require it… and i would think my anxiety had to be less around requiring
i would go out with men so i get in the habit of being taken out and being feminine energy w men. not paying, not driving, all the good stuff. i might even hold off kissing if this was something that bothered me due to loyalty to marriage. then the vibe would be there for me and i could have an easier time communicating what would feel good to me and what i require.
men i notice pick up on those subtleties. it kinda prequalifies any man interacting w me as to how i expect to be treated. he hasn’t been in that dynamic w me or i with him so this is what i would do on my own so it radiates from me. i might even have been unconsciously been blocking it from him till now due to my past habits with him.
as i move away, without closure or ultimatums and grow into my own life, i might meet a man i do want to kiss or he might step up or both. clarity is imminent.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:54am
Sometimes I think about how dominating I feel feel being inside her.
The rest of the above went into moderation but it wa from David Wygant. What Men think about during sex.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:55am
thank you Daria for doing that amazing stretch for me that i’ve been wanting for so long
David Wygant starring as the wounded masculine
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:56am
Daria, yes, you put that MUCH better than i coulod to coco
well, at work i can sort of balme the patients
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:00pm
So beautiful! Thanks for sharing these awesome pics!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:09pm
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:10pm
Some toothless old man just came to pick up some fleet units and was leering at me. I told him I was feeling all blushy and stepped back but he kept leaning forward and I told him I felt uncomfortable and he repeated it back to me, then asked me if I’d give him a reason to come back then slipped me his card. I feel embarrassed, did I totally flub this?
I have a feeling I’ll get more practice now that my vibe is shifting I just don’t know how to deal with the attention…
I have Love Scripts for Dating but I haven’t gotten to any part of it that has to do with flirting omg I feel all flustered and like, “Oh what do I do so I won’t be so awkward when men flirt with me?”
I feel afraid to flirt because so many men just take things too friggin far and
I don’t know if they are going to take me seriously or what…
Flirting resources, anyone??
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:11pm
belle, i used to read mimi tanner’s articles for flirting advice : ) she is such a tricksy little minx ! lol : )))
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:26pm
Um, Belle no idea really but
you are in control
If it doesnt feel right then-just stop
and dont feel guilty
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:29pm
Sometimes you just talk way too much. So I just fu!!ck you because I want you to shut up, and then after I’m done and you start talking again, I’ll just tell you to relax and ‘enjoy the moment.’
So now, let’s flip the switch. You know what I think about sometimes during sex, what do you think about? Do you ever just sleep with a guy just to shut him up because you don’t want to hear about his fantasy football league?
The rest of the article. Let’s see if I got what sent it into moderation.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:39pm
Daria I think you jumped the gun by calling him a wounded warrior without knowing the intent of the article.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:40pm
I think the point of the article was about being present
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:42pm
Ok, I choose to believe him, but yes I do need to seriously consider my role in this communication and my insecurities.
I need to date and to confront him. This morning I thought I will see him very soon, but now starting to feel doubts. I do need to straighten this out for me at least. Not sure I will have another chance with him
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:54pm
sooooooo i am going to sleep with warriorcd
and i don’t want to be serious with him
is this okay?
can i just sleep with him and go out with him and not want something more from him? i don’t think he would make a good husband for me because of his personality not being the “adoring” type.
he’s not asked for anything more either. but i guess men are used to women expecting more, so i wonder if i should just kinda say “ummm so you know i don’t really want to be your girlfriend…”
lol i dunno
am i setting myself up for something weird? or painful?
this is VERY unlike me, but i think he’s the man to explore sex with more. I’ve slept with 4 men and have generally had serious hangups and i’m ready to let them go.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 12:57pm
Feminine Woman – i stand by my impression of him
i got love for wounded masculine men
but dont want one for a partner
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:00pm
10 Signs He’s Definitely in Love With You
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:01pm
Yes, thanks, ruth…doormat programming.
I don’t have to flirt with creepy old men if I don’t want to.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:04pm
David Wygant triggers me and i feel Clutch at my solar plexus and SO TURNED OFF!
ack get away from me ick ick ick
aww i feel guilty
its good but its true
im sure hes a great guy and i respect his honesty, i just dont want to have sex with him. AT ALL.
if anything i feel angry and icky and ugh so angry i want to slap him
ugh it feels like such a turn off to me
ew ew ew
Starla I kinda remember you at this juncture with CF.
I also remember Turquoise at this juncture with the guy before Mr. C. I believe she was disappointed afer because of how he behaved.
I would ask myself what are my intentions. Sink into how I felt and how things went after CF. And be very clear with myself why I want to do this.
18. You’re scared. You’ve been burned before. You are understandably wary. This leads you to be withholding. He puts it out there, lays it on the line, and you just can’t reciprocate. You really like him, but you just don’t want to get hurt again. This means he knows up front that he will be the one to get hurt. No guy will stick around to watch that happen. You’ve got to find a way forward. There is no love for any of us without considerable risk, so do what you need to do to work through it.
DESCRIBES ME TO A TEE.
found this in a list of relationship killers.
Imma stop it!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:05pm
Belle I believe it is Renee Piane who encourages us to be open to even old men. One other coach says treat all me equally. Another says how you are in one relationship is how you will be in “the” relationship. These things have helped me when “certain” men flirt with me. Also I like replacing some of their faces in my mind with Scooby Doo and thinking about them on a platform in front of people with their pants down.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:07pm
what do you think about?
*mostly how i can get the most pleasure… lately
Do you ever just sleep with a guy just to shut him up because you don’t want to hear about his fantasy football league?
no. *does not compute*
Do you ever sleep with a man just to shut him up? Do you think about other men?
*usually not during sex, maybe just a passing thought of past experiences on the way to how i can get more pleasure
Do you think about three-ways, do you think about girl-on-girl experiences?
not during sex no
What do you think about when you have sex?
*how can i relax more, what would feel pleasurable
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:08pm
I noticed that when I am really hit with bad treatment I bend. At work I don’t, but with guys I do. I feel really bad
FeminineWoman please share more about this. Do men ever cross the comfort line with you?
I feel terrified to eye gaze with men as i think they will take it sexually too far, approach me and i will feel icky and they will try to grab at me
I want to heal this
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:10pm
Memulo – now starting to feel doubts
Maybe this is you facing yourself. This post feels more open with willingness to learn.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:11pm
Things didn’t go so great with CF and sex. We didn’t end up having a lot of sex, actually=/. i was so emotionally wrapped up in CF that things were suffocated, if that makes sense.
right now i’m asking myself what my intentions are, and they’re to expand sexually with a man i don’t feel emotionally wrapped up in.
on the other hand, i feel “proud” that my number is only 4. And I feel scared to go up in number. But that could be old judeo-chr*stian programming.
(((Memulo))) great awareness
i want to eye gaze with men and feel loved and safe, i want to feel a grandfatherly vibe w them, not a sexual uncomfortable one
i dont know how to handle this
i also think all men are attracted to me too powerfully sexually now for it to be possible for me anymore
i kinda feel sad
i miss feeling loved and safe
now i feel a bit scared to be affectionate or comfortable even w my uncles
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:13pm
the price i pay for femininity?
i dont think it has to be like this
i can get love how i want, in a way that feels good to me
according to my boundaries
i feel too scared
easier to close off
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:14pm
I feel competitive.
I want to have at least two more CDs in my rotation, before anything mores forward with jack cd.
I don’t want him feeling like he’s got more game than I do.
hmm…where’s that coming from?
also, @570 Feminine Woman. wow. so many of those describe Jack CD.
I FEEL SO CONFUSED.
I want more datteeeesssssss.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:15pm
Daria I believe context is what makes the difference here. I have no reason to think like that about guys if we are in a public place. I eye gaze and should I get the feeling of crossing the comfort line I go totally into boy and kind challenge them telling them know I am not afraid. That usually cause them to back off but most guys tell me that I shouldn’t do that as I am jeopardizing my safety. I have been doing that since in my 20s and the guys always back off.
I have felt slimed by one guy in my office because he constantly would come up and whisper or hold me between my elbow and my shoulder. I have some hanging flesh there so I accepted that was about me and worked through that. I have also stood my ground and openly told him what I don’t want but I had to repeat it several times before it sunk in.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:17pm
FeminineWoman – oh yes. i can totally bakc them off with masculine gazing too. no probs there .
im more worried about trying to femininie eye gaze – that it would ‘tell’ men im a whore or open sexually to them… which i guess it IS>?? or just my heart? i dont get it
the thing is i seem to instantly jump into the masculine sytle without being able to be open
i know this can be healed as i see and hear and read about other women who have none of these hangups…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:21pm
Starla I don’t know about being sacred about the judeo-christian programming, though I don’t believe that is all bad. The thing is most women I know who talk about their husbands give the impression that it is something guys kinda want to know. If you want to have a special love story with a man one day I would say sink into how you believe it would feel when he asks you how many men you have slept with.
There are men out there, depending on their culture, experience, background history that are turned off by women who they perceive as “______”. It boils down to who is your match or who you want to be your match.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:22pm
FeminineWoman – oh yes. i can totally bakc them off with masculine gazing too. no probs there .
im more worried about trying to femininie eye gaze – that it would ‘tell’ men im a wh*ore or open sexually to them… which i guess it IS>?? or just my heart? i dont get it
and yes im talking about men on the street
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:23pm
i get confused, cuz i imagine 5 sec eye gazing from me would just get any man hard
how can i do it in a way that invites affection, yet not sexual behavior
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:24pm
And what I suggest you do is simply be aware, see what you’re doing, observe where you might be sabotaging yourself, watch when your curtains start to draw, your doors shut. And then maybe ask them to hold off for now.
You do this little bit by little bit.
EVERY TIME you find your doubts and fears arising, you stop them in their tracks, FEEL those scary feelings, and then you ask those gremlins to leave in whatever way works better for you whether you show them the door or escort them to their attic room deep in the recesses of your psyche. Or maybe can you shush them, place your hand over their mouths. Or maybe you put them in the corner with a giant homemade cookie to keep them occupied.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:27pm
Daria I believe it is in your intention. They feel it. Remember Rori’s article about whether you are a man magnet or sex magnet? Maybe it would be good to review.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:29pm
@ Daria…I feel a bit confused by your advice….”if he requires it”????? Do you mean I should seek closure if his actions require it? Personally I feel his actions are saying coco I don’t want to be with you like that, which feels a little bad, but over all ok with, there is no rule saying he has to love me……..is there anything wrong in wanting closure? After 5 years closure feels good, peaceful, and relaxing….I’m not closing my heart to him should be step up, but I feel better with him knowing where I stand…I’m in no way trying to control him
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:40pm
hey, what program would y’all recommend for me? I’m thinking about getting Love Scripts for dating.
I feel excited. It’s not as expensive as I had feared.
but seriously, which one?
I want to be more flirtatious, playful, communicative.
I don’t think any of it is going to matter if when I meet my special love story guy, i’m still all shut down sexually.
i believe i want to do this.
i don’t believe any part of me is doing this for any validation or weirdness like that.
i have slept with a man before (my 2nd) with the same intention, but HE got all attached and weird. we did end up dating for a year 6 months later. And once I was attached and emotionally wrapped up in him, our sex life shut down.
I also wonder if I should tell warrior what my hopes are with him sexually. that i’ve slept with only 4 men at this point and still feel like i have a lot of opening up to do.
nahhh haha probably not.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:41pm
Today, I stopped my car cold on a street near my youngest son’s school on my way to pick him up at school, in the suburb right near by where I used to live with my little one’s dad.
I had been imagining living with a man, with a family, in one of these beautiful suburban homes… Until I felt the knot in my stomach… the sinking dread… How I used to feel basically when I was living with little one’s dad. And I realized, I am AFRAID. I am afraid of living that hell again when things go sour and you feel stuck in a beautiful house.
I am still healing from the horror of my past relationship with little one’s dad… Well, at least I know it now. I am terrified of getting back to that emotional draining place.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:42pm
471 LiliBee – Yup. That’s why leaning back is soooo essential because we KNOW that he’s contacting us because he WANTS to! It’s great for our vibe!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:45pm
Starla – you are brave and I envy your courage.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:46pm
Feeling luscious and very siren-y today!
Daria I want to start doing it too! It’s been a while;)
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:47pm
Feeling like leaning back due to a high degree of difficulty, in a soft sexy kind of way
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:48pm
493 LiliBee – I feel both supported and encouraged by you too, and I learn SOOOO much from your experiences also!
You walking out is consistent with what I do too, so I totally relate to that. And when he initiates contact to get us back, it validates that we are loved/cared for, so that’s one reason why we keep doing it. I didn’t realise this till I watched that Tony Robbins video the other day. Eye-opener!
I know you do it to protect yourself. I do that too. But sadly it attracts more of what we’re trying to protect ourselves from! lol
I like what you said about inspiring him to feel safe. I need to do that with TH and just accept him as he is. It is then that he will feel safer.
The other day we were talking and I acknowledged that I hate it when he accuses me of something I didn’t do. I feel upset that he doesn’t trust me. But aren’t I doing the same thing to him? In his eyes, my fear of being hurt is the same as me not trusting him to treat me well.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:53pm
Feeling absolutely delicious today. Decided that my siren “meadow” is a tropical beach with flowers, brush, sand and water
I really felt down after our talk that day, and I was sooo unblamey it wasn’t funny! I just told him I was dealing with my stuff.
In response he was contacting me out of the blue to ask if I was ok. Wow.
And yesterday, after my fun day without thinking of him much at all, I was able to snap out of my funk and am now feeling happy again.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:54pm
Wow, that post from David wygant that FW posted sounded really gross. It sounded harsh, being published under her name, even if I knew those weren’t FW’s words. Yuck
I agree with Daria. Yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck, yuck
He may be being totally honest about himself and how he operates. And that’s fine. But that is NOT behavior that respects a woman. The man sounds creepy and possessive and definitely NOT like a respectable man that I would want to be involved with. Ew….
Thank you for posting that so I can remember to AVOID anything from DW in the future *shudder* ick
I want to puke….
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:55pm
Totally in my feminine power and energy today not matter what negativity tries to derail me.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:56pm
Thanks FW, but I can trust my instincts, too.
I said I felt uncomfortable, I know he heard me because he repeated it back to me, and he leaned TOWARD me.
Though it did remind me of when I was 12 and an 82-year old man caught me in the kitchen by myself and leaned down and stuck his tongue down my throat. Ugh. I feel like I want to vomit.
And I didn’t feel like I had the right to say no then, either..I thought I had brought it on, and when I tried to tell my aunt who had been drinking she waved me off.
So, that’s probably what this brought up to heal.
There’s a dirty old man with no teeth here at my job who I flirt like the dickens with so it’s not an age thing, it’s the creep factor.
I don’t want to process this now, I’ll save it for home…ick.
or I’ll write it out after posting or something…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 1:57pm
Omg he is inviting me to services
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:01pm
Which also reminds me of just before I left Seattle, a super hot alpha male guy offered to send me off with a great time (sexually) and I said I felt uncomfortable several times and he kept coming toward me and toward me until next thing I know I’m spooned with him and crying because I can’t go through with it and I felt horrible for leading him on and blamed myself but damn, why the f*ck does a man come CLOSER when a woman expresses discomfort?
Even C, who I feel scared of and has had terrible boundaries, backed way way way backward when I said I felt uncomfortable.
Gonna play Stranger Danger/Self-Protection drama queen rehearsal when I get home or something.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:05pm
@ Bloom-Ing 545
“Feels good to read you believe that: “the men ALL want to give to & cherish & protect the ALL the women”. I want to believe it too.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:14pm
Yes , i think this speaks to most of us here !!
Heart , I look great for my age, my skin is unmarked and glowy , my CD recently was joking with a shop keeper that i looked great for 45 ! (I am 52)
Thing is I hate it when a man lies about age to me. Honesty is my first value above all . I just cant do it. Sigh…..
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:17pm
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:18pm
FW@ – 1 – Longest video presentation ever, lol. Did you buy that program?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:23pm
551 FW – I know you meant this for LiliBee, but thank you for posting – I believe it is relevant to me too. xxx
I feel/am holding a lot of things I want to say to vman right now. Spending time at his place, being welcome there. It felt so good. It was exactly what I wanted. Although I really leaned forward to get it. He didn’t invite me. But I still let him give to me and do things for me when I was there.
I think things are getting confusing. Now he is less sexual with me, and I wonder if it was because of something I said. Or just because of what happened and he’s reconsidering his stance. Or both. I have no idea.
He is in an all-day training today. So he’s not responding much. Except when I accidentally sent him a message that was meant for a client. Oops! I felt so embarrassed :-/
I have to keep reminding myself that he’s doing something and the non-response is not because of me. It’s getting easier, but it’s still difficult. I just love and get excited about our conversations, and it doesn’t really matter to me what we are talking about. I love hearing from him. But does he love hearing from me?
That’s where leaning back comes in, I guess. Leaving air, space for him to appreciate. And/or another man to come in and fill the space. I’m always thinking of my other cd’s. I haven’t heard much from then lately. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking of me
People (guys) always tell me that I’m sexy. I don’t mind. I just wish that wasn’t the only attraction. But somehow, maybe I make it that way.
And sometimes I wish I didn’t know what I know. I know that vman isn’t the perfect partner for me. Ive said it before. And being sexy, and leaning forward, and practicing tools isn’t going to make him any better. He did me a favor 6 months ago. He’s doing me a favor right now by refusing to get more involved with me. So that’s okay.
Maybe it is me who is confused. Maybe I *don’t* really know what I want, since I can’t seem to commit to liking just men or women. I know I feel attracted to women. But I don’t really feel that I want to date women, or have sex with them. I like dating men. I have fun with them. I like having sex with men, too. Frustrating as it is, I like the challenge of male/female interaction.
But men scare me sometimes, just because they are men. A man can make me crumple up and tense and want to run away, just by looking at me, touching me, even speaking the wrong way. Some men freak me out so much and I have no idea why. I feel sad to think that I may never really be able to feel safe with a man – any man. And this is my real problem. It’s the FACT that they are men. And this is the main reason that I ever think of dating women. I can feel safe with women.
I rarely feel safe with men. And it’s not my fault. But it’s really what I want. I feel like I want to cry :.(
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:26pm
I just received some new shoes in the post today – flats!
I can’t remember the last time I bought flats which were intended for a purpose other than the gym!
They fit perfectly, but it highlights the fact that I am in desperate need of a pedi.
So that’s what I’m going to book myself in for today!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:34pm
So what I’m making of this is that he is saying he is fully present with his hostility toward and abuse of women.
Interesting choice, one I used to favor (being the abused one and the lover of a woman-haters).
I do feel a ping of fear, that I don’t want a man to do that to me ever ever ever ever again and I never ever want to do that to a man again, either. I have totally used sex to shut a man up and I totally hated him. (Which is why I’ve been celibate for a while, so I could clean out my system and give myself a new imprint).
Besides, I can have full body orgasms with a smattering of butterfly kisses on my shoulder, who needs that mess???
Unless it was done playfully, I can imagine a fun scenario, but it sounds like he’s coming from a place of hate, which masks fear and
no thanks Mr. W, I used to do all of those things when I was running more on instinct than now.
I wonder if he’s fishing for validation??
More and more I’m leaning toward the opinion that sex isn’t really all that great for women anyway.
More and more I feel like a karezza kind of woman…which was one of the perceived limitations that led me to an unavailable relationship, I didn’t believe I would find a good man who would want that, too.
@ Daria….I feel a bit confused by your advice…..”if he should require it”???? I don’t quite understand. Do you mean if his actions require yme getting closure. I don’t feel good about giving ultimatums….the time frame is for me, and I’m not saying a word to him about any time frames…..is wanting closure a bad thing…..after 5 yrs, closure feels good, peaceful, and relaxing….it is not in my heart to control him or any outcome, but he did reach out to me to get back together…..but actions speak louder than words…..his actions are saying coco I’m not really into you….my heart is open should he step up….I just want him to know I’m not going to be waiting around and hung up on his words…..the bottom line is, a man does what he wants…if he wanted to spend time with me, or come over and do the marriage dvds…he would…..my energy has shifted, I’m not needy, or angry like I was when all this first happened….I feel good about letting go and letting god/universe bring me love…..
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:43pm
How do you’re men respond to feeling messages by txt!?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:46pm
who is this david wygant and why does he have a plce on the blog?
Should be available to all
trigger for me, was withdrwan when I was 38
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:48pm
my back stretch body work healer called
and helped me stretch some more
after i had just done the whole DVD
thank you Daria
and he’s not charging me, so wonderful to get the help i want
thank u universe!
thank you thank you thank you
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:56pm
That must be why Rori tells us to ‘stop talking’
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:57pm
Feeling happy for you and… deliciously annoyed and smirky.
You are separated from your husband right? (Feeling too tired from work to go back and make sure i’m right)
I had many talk with my ex husband after we separated, and he even moved back in with me (plutonic, in the spare room) for a bit. All of these talks were good. They helped us both in many, many ways. We did not get back together, but the talks were incredibly healing. I would never discourage open communication between a married couple in the midst of a separation.
Even if you stay apart it’s not a bad thing. Stick to the tools…I wish I had the tools during that time in my separation! I had to wing it :p
Anyways…Do what feels good, and right to you.
cocokisses – i didn’t say that… feeling confused…
i didn’t write if he should require it…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 2:59pm
I used to be so into this ‘men judge women as sluts thing’
i am still triggered and finding myself judging this way
i feel so angry about this
i am so glad Rori was here to heal this
if a man was judging on this, he’s wounded masculine to me
and not if he judges or is turned off by a woman ADDICTED to sex
but if this is a sticking point for him then that is a big red flag now
a healthy man sees the heart and soul of a woman and wants that
oh tightened up fear and rage
i love you
no more needing to submit to the judgments of men to make them like me
this is nobody’s fault even if i want to rip ppls head off
oh it was never good enough for me the chastity thing
freakin chastity vows i took ah ah ah
healing and learning to enjoy sex now
its ok lil Daria
you are safe
you are ok
you are pure and innocent and lovable yes
and your soul is deep and radiant
oh how humanity loves you
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:08pm
Feminine Woman – i don’t remember the article about whether you are a man magnet or sex magnet
the thoughts jump up that the men are thinking sexual about me since im staring at them. its old programming
i mean 5 seconds is a long time, hmmm
i feel sad
this is something i learned young
hmm i feel shame
i feel very angry
i love my shame and anger
its not my fault if men think sexual thoughts about me
its not my fault children get molested or men purchase young girl sex
none of this is my fault
its not their fault either
its time to heal into the Goddess
i know this can be healed
i dont know what the steps are
thats ok too
i will heal this
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:14pm
i feel sad shame
i got triggered reading its in your intention
well i dont intend for older men to think sexual about me,
but i just think they will!
i see it happen to other women
im not 5
im 30 now
i dont feel safe
i dont want it to be told its my fault
whoa this feels stirring
i feel tight shoulders
i do NOT know what this is aobut
this triggers me so much
ive always used great masculine energy to prevent this
i did nto feel scared fo my grandfather
but some of my uncles i do feel uncomfortable with now that im grown
this doesn’t feel safe to discuss here
i dont want to get triggered and feel shame
im supposed to love my shame
i love my shame
and that feels like
i love my sadness
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:19pm
i dont want to feel scared !
but dammit i mean it feels scary
men leer at me all the time even with 1/2 second look
and thats totally ok its not their fault or mine
i will learn to heal this
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:20pm
um they feel it, but i dont intend Sexual shit with them
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:22pm
Goddess Lily @513,
Shy guys, nervous guys, geeky guys, will react the exact same way in a relationship with you. In fact, they are even more ‘logical’ and therefore harder to ‘inspire’ into anything. And looks, good or bad, can be quite deceiving in that sense.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:24pm
I am thinking of opening up to older, 50+ men. I may feel more secure…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:30pm
I am 43… Would it be wrong to date a (fit) 53 yr old?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:31pm
I practiced the tools today with a very good looking 50+ client I have know for YEARS, while having a coffee meeting with him. He immediately started hiding his ring.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:34pm
i feel mad
excuse me but ive been staring down men all my life to avoid THEIR freakin intentions and now its in MY intention?
so i guess i have sexual intentions with all these men thats why they just feel sexually attracted to me and try to practically rape me sometimes
and why women know not to stare at men openly cuz they will do this
no this is a cultural thing too
if its my intention, then its not intentional, and taht makes no sense
but i will practice staring at people and pretending tehy’re my grandfather and i feel safe with them
i have a trauma tho
man pfffff i KNOW they are staring at me sexually its a DUH
not always tho
but mostly always
and it always feels scary to me
even healers ive worked with suddenly hit on em and it scared the shit out of me
i think it IS something that comes with bieng an adult woman who feels sexually attractive
men are just attracted to me period, when im in my feminine energy
i want to learn to ahve it be in a way that feels comfortable to me
i feel ashamed
im hearing voices that something is wrong with me that i walk around with ‘slut intentions’ that men not only judge but also subtly pick up one
really who me?
this is not my stuff
that felt great
taht was not my energy!
i feel angry
i dont want to pick up these issues
still though i would like to heal this
i feel scared of even getting to close to my dad
one time when i was 12 my mom yelled at my dad that why is he hugging and rubbing inside the back of my shirt “the way you would a gf”
i felt shocked and really weird hearing that
and she always complains about me and my dad being in underwear, tho really we don’t gibe a fuchk
this might be my mom’s stuff and im carrying it
other families dont seem to give a fuchk like that
my cousin sits spreadlegged with lil shorts on and its all good
my mom is always like why u sittin with ur legs spread
then she does it too
ugh so annoyng
i feel mad
i feel very tight mouthed about this
i wish i culd heal this and i think i cant
but i know i can
even tho it feels hopeless righ tnow
how dare someoen imply some shit like that or try to make me feel ashamed of being myself
i feel like slapping bit9ches
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:35pm
i feel very very pist
and im tired of bit9ches thinking im tryna get with their man too
fuch9k u stupid hoes
shake off me
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:36pm
oh i must have intended to get with their man even tho i DONT and didnt and wouldnt
they subtly picked up on that bullshit
theres hella bit9ches who do shit like that so bit9ch dont hate on ME
im hella mad
stupid bitc(hes on the street think im tryna get with their man and i dont know how the fuhk to look away more
just so i can prevent it
well ITS NTO MY FAULT
ITS NOT EVEN MY RESPONSIBLITY
yes BIT*CH I LOOK GOOD
i got a lot of sexual energy and im still pure hearted so WHAT?
go hate on youreslef
dammit i feel like coloring their eye socket
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:39pm
I have always been with men my own age.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:42pm
ok i remember, talking like this will get me MORE mad
so i can just say
i feel so angry!!!
and i LVOE MY ANGER!
and that feels smily giggly
i love the voice doing plays and scenarios in my head
i love my fear
i love my disappointment
i JUST WANT IT TO BE SAFE!!!!
i can heal this
i feel totally hopeless
i wish Rori would hlep
im the only one who has this issue cuz im probably the only one who actually doesnt want that shit
wow im feeling mad again
fuchk this i don’t deserve this
stupid blame and drama
its not my fault men are attracted to me and
its not my fault men are attracted to me
and i DO NOT HAVE TO GO ALL MASCULINE TO PREVENT IT
that hasn’t worked well anyway
i feel so mad
i love my madness
i hope this is healing
cuz i still feel so mad
and taht feels like giggly
and i still feel ….
and i love my hopeless
wow thats different
well i surely didnt expect all this when i started posting aabout this wow
i love my yawn
i feel alone
i will give my emotional and mental space plants
i can kick anybody’s ass that tries to mess with me the way i always have
i always have to harden up if i go in public cuz i know females are gonna start trippin on me cuz i look good
but i don’t ‘have to’
i can heal ALL this
im probably a bully like that too
if a girl is talking to a man im with i assume she’s flirting
i dont feel very open
i can heal all this, even though it feels totally hopeless and the voice in my head is actually goig BWAHAHAHHA you cannot
that feels funny
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:47pm
I love the softness and the openess I feel reading you today.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:48pm
maybe what it is is I judge feminine women
and then i judge myself
or somethign like taht
def im judgimmg the men..
are you sure i can heal this?
this feels so overwhelming
I didn’t think a 10 year difference was a big deal the older you get. I’m 28 and I dated someone 7 years older than me. The only age issue I had was asking myself why a 35 year old man was never married if he was really as good as he seemed….
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:54pm
PS Brazil Butt Lift “High and Tight” = Owww!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:55pm
hello im Daria and i go dumb loca crazy
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 3:59pm
i lvoe that about myself actually
i feel addicted to it maybe
it makes me feel more ‘safe and powerful’
it will scare ppl off i think
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:00pm
yay i feel joy now!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:02pm
There is a healing and a message with the old flirty man…I’m not sure exactly what it is but it has something to do with me, lol.
For all I know all he wants is a date and dinner…*I’m* the one imagining he wants to creep all over me.
And I could even call him and get that…
I know the vibe I like, the vibe that works for me. It’s wide open and bright-eyed and transparent and nothing to hide.
From my reaction to the creepy guy and the memories that came up in association with it, I think there is still a lil’ victim hiding out in my mind somewhere.
Come out come out little one!
Gonna sit with this and notice what comes up.
hehe maybe that was my Inner Father
im well cared for by a go dumb power girl
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:03pm
Do you have the ebook? Do you try to listen at level 2?
Really, really listen to him. Look at the different places on his face while he talks, keeping open and smiling.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:04pm
yay i can hitch my star to Belles’ and get some healing here too
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:07pm
Thank You Siren Angel
I get your fear about being trapped in a house.
I’ve been there 2x.
Scares me to death!
That fear drives my behaviour and driving away the relationship I want.
D is 9 years older than me.
It’s the 1st time I’ve dated someone older than me.
I’ve always been with men my own age.
Age no longer signifies anything to me.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:09pm
Beautiful site and images and stories! I bookmarked the webpage. Thank you
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:10pm
I felt instant inner peace looking into that website.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:11pm
Yes, I had to stop all of a sudden and recognize that fear. I wanted to cry it was so clear right then only a few blocks from where I used to live with little one’s dad.
It was horrible. I would dread going home. I felt so relieved when we separated. Now, the fear of that happening again is inside of me. The fear of living a daily trauma and pain again. He was horrible with me. Verbally abusive and jealous.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:14pm
Siren Angel – awesome… the stories have transformed me… Belle is the Siren to thank… she shared them w me
Daria, I posted this on the FB Siren Island, but it may have gotten lost in my really long thread:
Daria, I do have a question for you, about letting a man kiss you to help trigger attraction in yourself. On what date does said kissing occur? And how do you know if he’s going to kiss you? And how do you keep from shying away if you don’t want him to kiss you?
Keep in mind, I’ve only kissed men I’m already attracted to at the end of a date, because we’d already spent enough time together for an attraction to exist before we went on a date. I can’t quite imagine letting someone kiss me that I don’t feel anything for.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:15pm
Do you mean that the age difference makes no difference in feeling safer, as in with an older man? I guess, yes, it is what is inside of us that makes us feel wavering and insecure.
Thank you for recommending the Soul Connection site. Beautiful and uplifting. So peace inspiring.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:16pm
Only if it feels good to you. Not with the agenda of getting over your ex. But Daria will probably have a different point of view here.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:18pm
Only if it feels good to you. Not with the agenda of getting over your ex. But Daria will probably have a different point of view here as she is full on Rori CDing.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:19pm
Ah SHIIIIIT.. so sorry… tried to save it.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:20pm
I did that with myself the other day. Darn, will be more careful.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:21pm
dang! im still feeling bewildered
that was likea huge storm and now its … over
peace and quiet around here
wow im so impetuous and powerful!
i feel amazed adn teary at my phenomena
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:22pm
i feel small… and embarassed… darn. darn. darn.
Brandylion – Rori says to let a man kiss you as soon as he tries
I also – before that advice – only kissed men i was Intensely Attracted to
I followed her advice and kissed a man i wasn’t attracte d to… it was ok! that one felt nice
(a couple times, with other men it did not. i stopped after a quick peck then. tehres no need to keep on kissing if it doesnt feel good)
it really helped me open up. other women have had similar experiences.
PS – having the agenda of getting over an ex is totally a fine way to start out. my agenda in using the tools for the first few years was to get my ex back. I healed anyway.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:27pm
I am feeling exhausted!! I am giving my energy away to men, the idea of a relationship, and stressing out about men…I ma taking care of me, I do not need to do anything to have a man…I don’t even know if I want one lol. I am so tired & sleepy… I do not have the time to go on dates… I am gonna leave things to the universe and men will come to me… But I am not CDing directly… taking time to meet someone can be use to rest and or finish what I have to…
I wish I can go to sleep, but gotta take kid to BB tryouts
Siren Angel and Daria
Yesss!!! Please please please drop Teka a line and let her know, too. I don’t know her personally, but the stories have been so amazingly healing for me, they are ALL wonderful and will keep working in the back of your mind shifting effortlessly.
And definitely donate if you can, because those stories are better than 5 years of therapy, really.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:29pm
did i just deflect a thank you ?
you deserve lots of thank yous. sigh
love you Daria!
Belle I donated a dollar out of my 3 dollar paypal balance… she friended me on facebook
I’m thinking it’s sort of a body language thing…when I say, “I feel uncomfortable, I kind of cringe and go into myself, maybe if I practice saying it and stepping back? Or with my hand out? I feel like the way I do it practically invites a predatory response.
Sort of. C didn’t react that way.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:32pm
Bah. I’m trying to figure it out.
Letting go…gonna just sit with it like I said I would.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:39pm
@Daria….never mind…lol, I mis-read what you wrote….i see you said I should wait to see if HE steps up if I require it….got ya….sometimes chatting makes rfor miscommunications…I feel better now.
it would seem like looking for closure.
i would go out with men so i get in the habit of being taken out and being feminine energy w men. not paying, not driving, all the good stuff. i might even hold off kissing if this was something that bothered me due to loyalty to marriage. then the vibe would be there for me and i could have an easier time communicating what would feel good to me and what i require.
men i notice pick up on those subtleties. it kinda prequalifies any man interacting w me as to how i expect to be treated. he hasn’t been in that dynamic w me or i with him so this is what i would do on my own so it radiates from me. i might even have been unconsciously been blocking it from him till now due to my past habits with him.
as i move away, without closure or ultimatums and grow into my own life, i might meet a man i do want to kiss or he might step up or both. clarity is imminent.
I must add that it is not the “marriage” that I am being loyal to. It just feels better to completely close one chapter before I start messing with other books, sort to speak.
I do believe that my husband may still be attached to me in some way, but doesn’t want to truly step up…..the counselor that I am seeing, said that if a man is making excuses not to see you, its because he is not in to you period…and my husband has been making excuse after excuse……however for my own life, and emotional well being I have to have a time frame for me to end this …I can’t live like this for years on end, we either need to work it out or get divorced.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:46pm
I had a meeting with my division director this morning (my private school’s version of high school principal). She made it clear that she wasn’t wearing her Director’s hat, but rather her has-been-a-female-science-teacher-for-30-years hat.
I found and adopted four years ago a methodology for teaching physics called Modeling Instruction. The details of what that means aren’t important; what is is that it’s VERY different from traditional physics instruction. My master’s program was built around courses in which I learned this methodology for lots of different areas of physics.
My department chair told me in a meeting the day before classes started this year that Modeling may be too radical for my school, or my school too traditional for Modeling, and that if it’s something I really want to do, they can help me find another school at which to do it. I can keep the aspects of it that I think will work best for my current students, but I can’t use it full-blown. The aspects I’m not using this year are the very things that make it both unique and effective, so I’m pretty much being a traditional teacher making assignments out of Modeling materials.
It has also been made clear that if I did not drastically change the way I was teaching this year, the school would unequivocally not renew my contract this coming February. The school considers the first three to four years of employment the time to figure out how well the teacher and the school fit together, and I haven’t been fitting well enough.
That brings me to today’s meeting. Her advice was to revise my cover letter and resume (ugh, I wish I had the e’s with accents!) and send it to a particular head-hunting firm that could help match me with other independent schools that might be more Modeling-friendly, and to just send my stuff to lots of schools just to explore my options. That way, when I come into my meeting with the administration in January, I will probably have job offers in my pocket and the choice to stay or go is more mine and less the school’s. It would simply put me in a more powerful position. She made it clear that this wasn’t the Director telling me I should be looking for a new job, but someone offering my guidance and assistance finding my way forward.
I haven’t emailed the Modeling teachers’ lists yet to get some help on finding Modeling-friendly schools, but that’s another option I will use in my search.
I feel really detached from the school already, actually. I’m not keen on moving again, but I’ve already thought about the geographic boundaries of the region in which I’d consider living. Public schools aren’t out, but it would take quite a good school to get me. And I’m not sure how I feel about the public school climate vis a vis state standards and testing and teacher evaluations here in Ohio. It looks like a lot less freedom to me, but I’m already not free to teach the way I want to and believe is best for my students.
A very small part of me feels excited about the idea of up-heaving my life again (I’ve been back in OH for two years after living in CT for seven years post-college). Maybe this will be just the thing I need to jump-start my life. I can only say that because I’ve been living with the fear of losing my job for the last month and wondering if I need to keep a job search on the down-low, and today I found out that that won’t be necessary and I’ll be able to get good recommendations from my current school. Me not being a good fit doesn’t mean they don’t think I’m a good teacher.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:54pm
Omg I am crying laughing at this Tory I literally have tears coming down my face it’s sooooo hilarious.
I have to say I’m having great success with one word responses and a few smilies, I think I’m getting something here!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:57pm
Cocokisses – i stand by what i wrote – I wouldn’t go the close one book before opening others route, mostly cuz it would trigger me both pain, flip flopping, MORE ‘time wasted’ and enlist controlling energy that I’d then have to shift
i would waltz, babystepping into my new life and new behaviors and allow what unfolds to unfold
your patterns with your husband so far have been you in the masculine (from what i’ve read) even recently, hinting at weekends, paying for a date… men are not mind readers. he doesn’t know what you expect and require now. He may yet step up, if given room
to give him room, theres a lot to practice in shifting your own habits, speaking, body language, … so much… CDating is the fastest way to that. It will either bring in fresh new men that make it clear the past is over, or help shift to new behaviors and have past men step up
theres no way to lose with that. its the safest and most graceful.. yet open, yes ‘raw’ , uncontrolled option
Rori says not requiring closure is one of the most powerful feminine tools
theres a – now famous – article about it
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 4:59pm
Yeah Siren Angel,
That’s what I mean.
D is in his 50s.
I have the same fear as I did with the man 2 years younger than me in the relationship before.
Different man, much older man, same result.
I felt so trapped in my marriage.
We bought a condo.
I felt so trapped, painfully alone and abandoned in it.
I didn’t even feel safe with friends.
I alienated everyone.
The next relationship following my marriage, I was scared to death of going back to feeling that way…I ended up feeling that way.
And you wanta know the cruelest:
D keeps saying he felt trapped in the house that way with his ex.
He escaped through work making things worse.
He keeps repeating he doesn’t want to go through that again.
Exact same story as mine.
We both have the same fears.
Why aren’t we helping each other instead of pushing each other away?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:01pm
634 SA – I see nothing wrong with you dating a 50+ year old man – assuming he can keep up with you!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:03pm
635 SA – I love it! It’s amazing how much power we have when we apply what we know!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:04pm
ah my tummy feels all knotted
i didn’t mean to come off as “pow’ straight forward as i did
i feel concerned
((((cocokisses)))) i really feel for your situation!
i think i would avoid a lot of personal drama and triggered emotions by just moving my own way, without trying to do the closed chapter thing
life chapters dont stay closed too well sometimes,
they may pop back up or stay in my psyche
it just doesnt seem to wrok well that way
going on about my life and not controlling the unfolding, that feels messier and yet … freeing… and real… somehow simple…
ouch ouch ouch
much love to you
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:08pm
You need to find out what it is that’s going on in your brain that’s telling you that you’re only good for sex — and so that’s what you’re putting out there. I know it sounds wrong to say that this is an idea YOU are coming up with, but that’s the way it works. It’s all about interpretation.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:09pm
I am in the middle of a pedicure, sitting on a massage chair. Aaaahhhh I feel goooooooood!!!
And Mr UK was chatting me up again this morning. I also have a lunch date with TH.
It’s been ages since Iast pampered myself!!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:10pm
And you wanta know the cruelest:
D keeps saying he felt trapped in the house that way with his ex.
He escaped through work making things worse.
He keeps repeating he doesn’t want to go through that again.
Exact same story as mine.
LiliBee what came to me was “what you focus on grows”. Maybe you want to replace that programming in your head and start saying something different. Act “as if” to see if things change for you which might inspire him. I personally refuse to be stuck in the past.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:13pm
BW – In his eyes, my fear of being hurt is the same as me not trusting him to treat me well.
Rori says something similar in an eNewsLetter. As she says some things are innocuous, but it is there.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:21pm
I’m feeling sad right now.
I’m feeling sorry for myself.
Like ‘damaged goods’ with all my issues.
Not 1 call from D since last weekend.
I finally pushed him over the edge.
My good productive vibe faded away when I got home as time went by and I have no call from him.
I called my bf to hang out with her, and she’s not available.
I think it’s best that way.
I am forced to sit with my feelings and feel them.
How does Dominique put it? The bigger the pain, the bigger the healing? or We heal through pain?
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:25pm
RE 593 Iamabutterfly because of what you have been posting I would lean towards Modern Siren for you. However there are eNewsLetters that explain each program. Also the program catalog is a good source I would look through those first before deciding.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:27pm
whoa Feminine Woman thank you
I get that FW.
I definitely focused on that fear too much, feeding his fear.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:28pm
(((LiliBee))) – it will get better in time. And he WILL be back!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:29pm
“Modern Siren is all about the “Invitation” step I lay out in Blueprint. It’s my most popular program – it turns your head around, gives you a completely new perspective on yourself and men and what you have inside you…I have two guests there – Ariella does a tribal thing that will have you on your feet singing how great you are, and Heather Dawn is a goddess who will get you to the goddess in you around sensuality, sexuality, self-pleasure – it will help you open up to yourself.”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:31pm
“The cure here for you is Circular Dating. And not because I want you to date a lot of men, but because I want you to heal. Circular Dating is about learning about men and how you are with men. And that’s what needs to happen.”
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:32pm
LiliBee during this space you now have the choice to focus on what you want to create if/when he returns. Walk yourself through the dark tunnel and see your meadow on the other side. Start visualizing and talking to yourself to grow your opinion of yourself.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:33pm
678 – Daria,
Thank you, that older article was just what I needed this week. I sure did invite my work ex back for a “do-over of a mistake that feels desperately like it needs “closure” and “mastery.””
And even as I’m typing this, I wonder if that’s what I’m doing by agreeing to go out on a date with my most recent ex. Well crap, now I don’t know. Am I trying to get closure or am I trying to shift my vibe with him to see if that was the problem the entire relationship?
Now I feel confused but still grateful for the article.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:36pm
so maybe if i relax and Do have involved conversations with other women’s men , or am ok to, i wont be putting out ‘sexual vibes’ towards them
thats the way i see other people do it
something musta happend to me that traumatized me when i was doing it
someone maybe attacked me
well in another sie of the coin, i am getting a lot of thoughts right now about my friend when i was 6 and how this guy tried to rape her on top of the building w a knife and almost did – the neighbor saw them and screamed for help
its coming up so it must be related to this
i can heal this!
it feels way less overwhelming right now
i guess it was traumatic for me. i had already created my judgemental self then, cuz i remember thinking i would NOT have gone on top of the building so a guy could give me a box of kittens… what was she thinking?
and i know i was a meanie judging girl around that time
i musta just have adopted the belief that we should judge people
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:39pm
hmm i can practice by more feminine energy w my dad
damn it feels scary!
and hugs w my dad
i know my dad will not hit on me lol
i can do EFT on this too
hmm this may also come from not feeling comfortable sharing anything about sexuality with parents – like the article said also, i dont much know
ok i dont really want to talk about this anymore
im feeling sleepy and also interestungly started feeling uncomfortable
i will heal this!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:44pm
Thank You FW.
I bought and downloaded the book from your link.
I liked the price for all we get.
I felt disappointed with the communication interview though.
It lacked depth, the surface is barely scratched.
But the book looks pretty thorough.
I took a quick glance and it feels inspiring to me.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:48pm
yeah i get it. no one really talks about sexuality in my family. hmmm…
i avoided ‘issues’ with this before by being in masculine energy… but now that im being in feminine energy the ‘issues’ are starting to show up to be healed
I ran into a man I know 2x today.
He kept going out of his way to get my attention and make me laugh.
It felt good.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:58pm
I can So heal this
Random men grabbing my butt or following me from the beach are not gona set my norm
Won’t it be cool when I can look every human in the eye like that? I won’t feel scared of people anymore
I’ll feel home
I can do this
Rori will help me
I will ask her actually see when she gets back from her trip
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 5:59pm
This sounds like me…my father TOLD me I wasn’t good for anything but f*cking, so that’s where I got it from, lol. I believed him, what did I know, I was a kid!
(No pain around this right now sirens, no worries).
Something about this and what BW said in 601 about fear of being hurt connects to the relatively mild triggers today…still not quite clear where the relief is but the awareness is there.
What is the lesson I need to learn here?
(and no, I didn’t sit with it earlier..I called my friend and my mom and I cooked…avoiding much??! )
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:20pm
There is 1 good thing to come out of this that makes me feel better.
I hadn’t noticed before.
When D came back to me last spring and made a whole bunch of promises, 1 of them was that he was going to sell his house and buy 1 with me that I like.
I sorta felt weird about it.
I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Was it my insecurity?
Was it my feeling unworthy?
Was it my feeling guilty coz he built it with his own bare hands, blood and sweat?
My bf pointed out: He shouldn’t be doing it for you, he should be doing it for himself, or else he will resent you or blame you when the going gets tough.
The main reason I didn’t want to live there was the neighbourlady’s yard is too close and open.
I’ve been seeing her around all summer.
She’s been really close to her husband, they’ve been looking unified all summer.
Her husband had started being friendly to me again.
I’ve gotten to a place where I feel OK having them next door and I’m finally letting go of that old story.
As soon as I got to that place last week, D announced to his family on Saturday night that he was selling the house.
He said it was too much pressure to pay for and maintain, he’s tired of it.
He’ll wait until next spring.
At least I can rest assured it’s not for me, and we wouldn’t have that between us.
He won’t have the financial pressure to have a woman live with him to help share expenses.
He’s finally finding himself.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:27pm
i m feeling a little angsty… but good after Yoga. Still, no call from M since last Wednesday morning (10 days together almost every night) except for 3 texts on Sunday to confirm next week end getaway plans.
I feel like leaning forward.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:33pm
I have been chanting to the Ariella tribal thing in my car every day for the last week.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:36pm
Considering be broke up a month ago… and we have been back together 2 weeks… it would do him good to miss me a little…
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:39pm
Selling the house can relieve some pressure off of him which will be good for your relationship.
Besides, if he decides to commit with you, you can get another far away from nlady next summer.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:41pm
Enjoy that pedi
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:43pm
Just catching up… no call either… he will miss you. It kinda puts things in focus for me too. M will miss me.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:44pm
I have especially noticed the past few days how much less physical pain I have been feeling.
Especially I notice what was an ongoing feeling of resistance in the back of my neck and solar plexus.
Today at work I noticed often how quiet and peaceful I felt, so much resistance to just simple things that was driving me nuts has fallen away.
I’m feeling happier, more vibrant, more alive.
I realized that I believed thoughts like, “Oh, geez, this again, this dumb thing, not this again blah blah blah” were ME. Today I simply noticed them but they kind of floated on by rather than me feeling them and feeling all crotchety.
I am healing myself!
I feel so strange, almost not real, because there is so much less pain than I’ve been used to.
I feel calm and tranquil.
I still don’t know what the lesson for today was but I prayed for the illusion that triggered me to dissolve and the truth be revealed so maybe I will dream about it. If not, then life will just have to hand it to me again.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 6:55pm
@Daria…..I’m so sorry about random men grouping you. That must feel horrible….I feel horrible reading about it ((((Daria))))
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 7:03pm
Sirens, I am feeling so sad.. No news from M tonight since 3 texts on Sunday (yes, to confirm next weekend getaway) and I am wondering if it is possible to inspire him to want us to be together again like before. Is it possible to inspire him for him to see the situation with the kids differently, to speak with them, to give us another chance. I was feeling up and good earlier tonight but now I just feel so sad.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 8:40pm
Siren Angel, understandably. Definitely time to inspire yourself to move away from him….and start meeting other men or CDing yourself like you have done. I know that you believe this is your man but from looking at it as an outsider, it looks like he is keeping you around as an when it suits him without offering much.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:37pm
Awww (((Siren Angel))). The second you step away from HIM (physically and emotionally) will be the time he is likely to feel inspired to step up.
Like Tam said, he still wants you around, but he’s doing the bare minimum right now, so it’s time to shift that focus on to you and get out there and focus on anything but him.
I know it’s easier said than done, but trust me – it works wonders!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 10:58pm
TH took me to lunch today. It was nothing fancy and we didn’t stay long because he had to get back to work. He was visibly unimpressed with my flat shoes. Honestly!!!
I told him my toes needed drying time so I really didn’t care what he thought of my feet! lol
He then talked me into going to the gym again with him tonight for a light workout. Well… mine will be but his won’t be!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:01pm
Wow….lots going on here. I had a few days to catch up on, lots of sirens gave the same advice I would have shared and similar comments. I don’t feel I have anything to add, except, FW, when you made posts about Memulo, that felt very passive aggressive to me, and then your comments asking her why she felt bullied, seemed flip. I get frustrated too with sirens, and other people in my day to day life, so looking at myself to see where I do that also.
Really leaning back, not just physically, but mentally, really does work. I’ve been shifting my focus from Mr. C. to other thoughts, my celebrity crushes, an old crush, I even had a dream about and woke up thinking about for once, instead of Mr. C. and I believe he felt it. We ended up having a really really good 3.5 hour talk, in person tonight and it was deep and emotional and sincere, we shared fears, worries, concerns, ups and downs, possibilities, discussed work and potential businesses, on and on…. but 98 percent new stuff, and not about our kids.
When I left I gave his daughter a hug and went to leave and he asked for his… it was a very sweet, comforting hug. When I got home he texted me to say how nice it was talking tonight.
It felt like we reconnected and really talked through and worked through everything that has been going on with us. I feel more relaxed and pleasant, but not fixated or stressed or worried or obsessive, at all.
I feel we healed some major stuff tonight. I feel wonderful having the opportunity and practice of working through some things with a man.
I still feel leaned back and will continue on in this way. It feels good to see that the tools not only work, but they make me feel so much better. I feel calm.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:05pm
Oh, and I have also shifted my focus to making new connections, building some new friendships, spending quality time with my girls, found a new tumbling class for them, worked on some financial stuff, worked on my website (well, he did it… but I started a fb page for it, plus a page for my reunion I’m planning) so not just about shifting my focus from one guy to another…. it’s just a quick thing I’ve done that works so well. If I wake up thinking about him, I shift that to another guy and a few seconds later, I move on to something else.
I’ve also been very focused on my job and doing my best, all day. If I’m going to be there, I’m going to be my best, not checking my phone and facebook, at least not as much.
I’ve chatted with several guys on POF, but that has felt annoying. I don’t like when men I haven’t met act familiar with me, calling me honey and baby, saying you;d rub my feet, etc. That feels really like a turn off. But, I’ve heard from a lot of men, and some of them are cute, they seem like guys I might be intersted in. So, who knows… see if it keeps up. If not, that is ok too. No one lives close, and I know I really want that.
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:11pm
Siren Angel, if it can work for me,…. it will work for you. I promise!
Tuesday, 25 September 2012 @ 11:18pm
Sirens, how long can a man stay inside his man cave?
How do we know if he is just being in his cave OR it’s a hint on his part that he wants out of the r/s?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 1:19am
719 Turquoise – Yeah I feel kind of turned off too, when guys act all familiar with me – when we’ve never even met!
I used to have a guy on FB telling me he missed me. Huh? We’ve NEVER met, and we’ve been FB friends for a WEEK and only connected through a mutual friend! He got too much and I ended up blocking him. Yuk.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 1:58am
BW I had one I spoke to first time last night talking about sex. Asking if he should bring me a ring at our first meeting. Saying when he saw my pic he decided this will be his girlfriend then wife. He talked a lot answered some very personal questions and basically led the conversation. It was odd but I enjoyed it. Thought he was funny.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 2:17am
Siren Angel I see Turquoise’s response to you that feels encouraging but I feel compelled to tell you he has to want to. You can inspire him yes but depends on what is going on with him he might not want to take action. Rori teaches though that they really don’t get inspired to claim you when you are laser focussed on them.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 2:24am
Siren Angel also if I were you I would really look at what he actually said about “us” the last few times we spoke.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 2:27am
Belle I am experimenting with that too
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 2:29am
What feels odd to me is when a man tells me he feels a connection before we have met. I have had a couPle of guys say that and I believe it is the lean back and fm combo but I have also noticed that they still poof at times
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 2:58am
Thank you Turquoise and FW,
I am feeling really anxious this morning and catching myself before I call him… I am waiting for the other shoe to drop about the weekend… No phone contact since Thursday morning, a few and ‘leany forward’ texts from him Thursday night… 3 texts on Sunday to firm up plans for this weekend coming up where we are going away… and nothing since, no call Sunday night, no call Monday night, no call Tuesday night.
He knows I like regular contact. Now, I am afraid.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 4:23am
I spent 10 nights and the weekend before that with him… left his place Thursday morning as he was getting his kids Thursday night for the weekend.
I was expecting at least phone calls on Monday when they are no longer there.
I feel furious and small and panicky and turned off.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 4:25am
I spent 10 nights, including all the weekend before last with him… left his place last Thursday morning as he was getting his kids Thursday night for the weekend.
I was expecting at least phone calls on Monday when they are no longer there. He had apologized by text for not calling after his texts Thursday night… I feel confused. Why not call the next day/night or since?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 4:27am
I didn’t mean that leaning back will make it all work out and you’ll get the happy ever after, I meant that leaning back will get their attention and they will feel the difference in your vibe.
Mr. C. and I were able to connect, talk through things, clear the air, share our feelings, wants, fears, all of that…. it’s amazing how easy it is to talk through things with a man who isn’t afraid to have a conversation or be honest about his feelings. He’s better at it than I am. He said something sort of surprising…. he said we are great when we are together, it’s when we are apart that things get distant and confusing. He wants me to get licensed to do what he does and for us to be a team. I’m not sure it would be good for us to spend that much time together, he’s sure it would be perfect.
He told me I shouldn’t date, that it’s a waste of time. That when it’s right, the right relationship will show up. He doesn’t like to think about me with someone else. POF sure has felt like a waste of time lately, but I’m not going to commit to being single. Maybe the right relationship will begin from online dating. I don’t know. He wants us to be together, with no pressure or agenda, I get that and why he feels that way is good for him right now…. but us choosing to what, be an exclusive friendship that we intend to be in forever, but that isn’t romantic, lol… doesn’t make sense to me. I told him I feel like we are this old married couple who see each other every day, talk often, do things together with our kids, make plans, but no sex.
I don’t want that, I want sex and love and romance, I want it all. Feels good to want what I want more than I want a particular person. I feel very open to the possibility of who may be out there that wants what I want. That I could be compatible with. But I do realize I want him too. I’m not going to worry about how that will work out though right now. How I can have him as my best friend, I love him and his kids in a very I care so much about them way, but then be able to give my whole heart to someone new. I guess I’d have to find a balance.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 4:42am
I think it’s rude when men don’t call. But with all we learn here, it’s supposed to be the time when they are figuring out how we fit in to their lives. I’ve had men tell me they test women that way, to see if we’ll flip out or go to old patterns.
The idea about CDing and having a full life, is to be so busy with you own stuff, that it doesn’t matter if they don’t call. I know that is easier said than done… but it’s true.
Mr. Conversation wants to be with a woman who doesn’t have an agenda, where it doesn’t have to lead to the automatic next step. he wants to know why it always has to be leading towards a destination rather than enjoying in and being in the moment. Even in an exclusive relationship, he doesn’t want to feel pressured constantly. He likes things to be his idea. I told him it’s because most women do want the relationship to go somewhere, they do want to be married, they may want kids, but that we want to be done dating. We want to be in the relationship we want, and for most of us, that does include a destination.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 4:55am
Siren Angel I encourage you not to label his behavior as meaning anything. Right now I believe it is best to be clear on how you are feeling and if this is what you want if you can live with this.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:12am
The one piece of personal advice I would give to all sirens, based on what I’ve learned and what I’ve experienced, is that it doesn’t have to all happen right now. Time can be your best friend. Creating a little space, to feel your feelings, miss each other, get clear about what you want and need, focus on yourself rather than getting things back to where they were or where you want them to be, feels sooo much better than obsessing, worrying about what everything means, and trying to control the outcome. I never wanted to feel like I wasted time, or missed time and opportunity to be with them. If I’d shifted my thoughts to believe that enjoying myself, my own interests, my friends, etc. was important, even when things felt up in the air, maybe more important, rather than trying to control the outcome…. would have not just been better for me, but for the relationship too.
Maybe you need a few weeks off Siren Angel. Maybe he needs that space to feel if this is not just what he wants, but if he can give you what you want. In the space of spending the rest of your life with someone, would a few weeks to gain clarity be such a hardship?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:27am
722 FW – I suppose I know of so many people who have been scammed by guys like that, that I am highly suspicious! And I suppose I can’t see how a guy can start “missing” me after only a few conversations. Seems a bit off to me.
It also makes me realise how it feels to a guy when my timeline is MUCH shorter than his!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:41am
@690 Feminine Woman – Lol, I already HAVE Modern Siren. I just want some practical tips about flirting and what to say to men when I’m feeling certain ways.
I suppose I need to listen to it again…
Iamabutterfly I find that every time I listen I learn something new so I keep going over it over and over again. It seems to come more alive when there is a actual life situation that I can apply it to. I would go over it a coupla times before deciding to get something new.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:43am
731 Turquoise – It’s funny you say that, because TH is very much like that. He has said to me many times “Why can’t you just relax and enjoy the moment?” because I’m always hung up on what’s happening next.
I think he had a point…!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:45am
I had such a lovely time with JC last night . . . now that I am rested and recoving from all of the emotional turmoil of last week, I can see i was over reacting to some of the things he said and did – I was letting my fear of intimacy run rampant in my head. I’m glad he did not react to me – he understood i was just really tired and stressed out.
We had fun together last night and I felt very drawn to him and not the least bit afraid. Baby steps.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:47am
BW I guess you might be projecting a bit? I don’t believe I said he said he “missed” me. I took it as him being nervous and lonely. He also seemed to want to put everything on the table up front as “we are adults” was what he said. I have no reason but to take him at his word, though he may be a scammer but I have only attracted that once when I initially started Internet dating. It hasn’t happened again and I have met several men. Maybe after a certain age men tend to want to settle down? I dunno. In any event I have no vested interest, no destination in view and no agenda but to experience myself in the presence of these men. I want to find out about the things that I am afraid of.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:50am
On another note thinking about Siren Angel’s M and a few others, including some in my life I find myself reflecting on Starla’s process and how she had written about men self destructing while she continued to be herself and just shared FM. I am also wondering if Warrior CD was one of those who did some things that could have caused him to self destruct and if he upgraded himself in any way?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:52am
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 5:53am
Your voices feel so soothing this morning.
I feel comforted reading you. I really appreciate your sharing.
I am actually getting to a place where this space he’s giving me is a gift to both of us.
The outcome doesn’t matter, what matters is that I am using this time and space to feel my feelings and put things in perspective.
I am seeing and feeling more and more clearly what it is about him that makes me feel good, and I am getting really deep to the root of our issues.
Last night I felt anxious and sad as you do.
This morning I am in a better feeling place.
I got myself in a place of just being, like I have nothing to lose.
I feel exhausted from worrying about the outcome, and I can’t do it anymore.
I just want to ‘be’.
We need to find a way to meetup you and me, we need friends.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:02am
Thank you. I can see him doing exactly this, testing me, after the time we had on vacation and the bounderies I did set for frequent contact: ” I’ve had men tell me they test women that way, to see if we’ll flip out or go to old patterns. ”
Also, yes, right now there is no clear destination. He may feel my agenda is not aligned with his.
I trust he is missing me right now. At the same time, I am getting a little tired of his pattern. This relationship has made me feel elated at times, and at other times too anxious and I am getting tired of the ‘pull and shove’. I want consistency. Don’t we all?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:03am
Me too BW!
That pesky insecurity of needing to know what’s next so we can control.
D said he doesn’t feel comfortable in my presence when I am that way.
It makes him feel uptight.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:06am
What I like about M:
- I feel really good in his presence
- He showers me with love, attention, support, snuggles, comfort, advice, lends me money even at times, makes the plans, takes charge – When we are TOGETHER physically.
- He does say he misses me terribly when together
- He finds me ‘perfect’, beautiful and sweet
- He says we are connected and have real intimacy – yes, we do.
What I don’t like about M:
- The pattern of pulling away, the uncertainty
- The rash decisions (telling the kids we are no longer together TWICE – then regretting it. Breaking up then getting back together – THREE times)
- The infrequent and inconsistent contact when not together
- The fact that he had reposted profiles immediately after breakups twice (last summer, after xmas vacation)
- The vibe I get from his ex-wife (she has explained in a psychological report for custody that M pulls away constantly during their marriage)
- He can’t see clearly when it comes to the kids – In fact, I believe he ‘makes them’ think a certain way to fit HIS idea of the moment (breakup)
He’s a VERY hot and cold man. I don’t know if this is what I want in my life as a husband and life partner.
What would it be like to live with him? What would it be like in a few years?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:10am
“I can’t do it anymore. I just want to ‘be’.”
Reminds me of an episode in Sex and the City when Samantha told her guy Michael that her heart was too fragile. She didn’t want to be running around behind him anymore watching him to make sure that he was not sleeping with any other woman.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:12am
Just read your 742 after posting above what I like and don’t like about M – Our ‘waves’ hitting us are the same ones it seems!!!
Yes, we should meet. It would be really fun. It would do us both a lot of good. It would lift our vibes to just have fun and go out a little.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:14am
I feel like I am in mourning (not morning) hihi.
It’s like I am in mourning of what was.
My old patterns need to die.
This is my space to mourn the death of it.
I feel loss of a familiar friend.
I feel sad.
My relationship to my old habits and patterns no longer serve me.
Time to say goodbye and let go.
I love this empty space.
I feel hopeful of what will come into it.
I am leaving it open for something new.
Just staying there, ‘being’ there in front of that empty space ready to greet with open arms whatever shows up when it’s ready.
RE 745 Siren Angel one question came to mind. What is it that makes you feel certain he feels emotionally connected to you?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:15am
#745 SA – gosh…he sounds like he likes you but isn’t committed to you. Maybe it’s because he isnt afraid to loose you since he knows you won’t leave him…sounds like he is taking you for granted.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:16am
LiliBee how about doing the mourning of the “old” relationship with D and letting it go? I am wondering if it will create the space for the “new” relationship?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:17am
“Maybe you need a few weeks off Siren Angel. Maybe he needs that space to feel if this is not just what he wants, but if he can give you what you want. In the space of spending the rest of your life with someone, would a few weeks to gain clarity be such a hardship?”
No, it would not be such a hardship… you are right. Kind of like opening up my wings and flying up to see more clearly. However, we are supposed to go away this weekend. True, men need that time to KNOW. M has very often told me after 5 days no contact (like now) that he misses me and dreams of me.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:20am
He tells me he is emotionally connected to me and I feel it too. There is a lot of attachment on both sides. He has used the words just last week: we are connected, I am attached to you and don’t want to let you go, we have real intimacy. He says those things. I feel it too of course.
Maybe he is having internal struggle with the situation with the kids.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:23am
Siren Angel how about looking at what his “misses me” means to you and what story you tell yourself about that? How about looking at what the weekend getaway means to you and what assumptions you make about that? Same for LiliBee and BW. It might just mean more to us than it means to the guys?
Maybe they are just focussed on having fun? I dunno.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:24am
Maybe Siren Angel. Has he mentioned feeling “in love”?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:26am
Siren Angel isn’t he also celebrating Yom Kippur?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:30am
Yes he is celebrating Yom Kippur. And last year I was invited to his parents and synagogue.
But he is not as religious as not using the phone.
I believe Yom Kippur ends tomorrow night (even though I am half-jewish, I don’t celebrate as my family is not religious)
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:33am
Whenever sorrow comes, be kind to it.
For God has placed a pearl in sorrow’s hand…
Also, my kiddie now says he misses M. He misses his kids too but misses M more. That makes me feel sad and powerless.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:36am
will we see our 3 sirens CDing? will they remain tied to the men lapping at the shore?
the saga continues… on
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:37am
Yes, FW, he has mentionned feeling ‘in’ love. And also just loving me. That it’s too hard for him to let me go. And that he was starting to ‘deal with it’ until we got back ‘together’. But he was still sleeping with my favorite silk nightie.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:38am
Exactly what I was getting at, except I don’t want to laser focus.
I can never go back to that old relationship.
I don’t want to limit myself by limiting my thoughts to 1 thing or 1 man.
I want to mourn my own patterns and habits first which lead to the old relationship.
I want to be open to a new way of being and feeling…not limited to a relationship…not limited to a single person.
Open to whatever, wether it be a new relationship with myself, a new relationship with D, a new relationship with a new man….whatever shows up to be there and greet it with open arms.
Decluttering to make space for new and fresh.
I felt the empty space yesterday.
It felt lonely and sad.
Today I feel the walls of that space opening up to let in whatever is out there that wants to come in.
The new thing has always been better than the last.
I feel calm.
I really believe this is his pattern.
I remember after the 3 months mark we had a slight disagreement and he asked for his key back. A week or two before he said he ‘was so sure’ about me.
The man is a roller coaster.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:39am
I agree he should be afraid to loose me.
But it is like his decision about the kids makes him ‘rationalize’ it so strongly.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:40am
Are you thinking of posting on a dating site? Are you in that place of thought? I feel curious.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:42am
It feels like he rows towards the shore, and every time we get close to it, he backpedals back to the middle of the lake, but does not stop ‘rowing’ again after, but slowly at first, then to the shore, then backpedals again, and so-on.
What will it take for him to crash his boat on my rock?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:45am
Siren Angel I don’t believe men “rationalize” relationships or love because I don’t believe they use their logical brains there. I believe it all depends on how they feel. I have had a guy comment that his son did not want him to marry, then later he said “I don’t care”. I believe it is just one of their “excuses” that they pull out of their horsecrap bag when they are uncertain about what they want to do with the relationship. But that is me.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:47am
RE 766 Siren Angel I believe you are in a good place there. Just that I believe any man will need the same thing. So focussing on this one man might hinder your progress.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:49am
Ugh. I feel triggered today for some reason.
I kind of have Daria’s words in my ear, that she sees Sirens not using Rori’s tools and get hung up on men time and time again.
I see it too and today I just feel like screaming. I wonder why, because I am just as likely to slip back into old patterns..or perhaps not? Perhaps I learnt a lot? So why am I triggered so much.
I don’t want to name names but I feel like shaking a few of you and screaming and saying ‘don’t do it, you are friends with benefits, why don’t you see it, is that all you want because the men once they have you as a friend with benefits WILL NOT STEP UP’
Because let’s face it: they don’t!!
They will run off with a girl with a higher degree of difficulty who respects herself.
I feel sad and easperated.
I see these stories as a reminder of ‘what not to do’.
In my humble eperience, ‘friends’ or ‘friends with benefits’ actually never led anywhere, even if the men seemed to be stepping up. Some of those guys are NOW MARRIED. I let it be a lesson.
I am so sorry if I offended anyone, but I just had to let it out. I genuinely worried for some of you. And maybe for me too, never wanting to get stuck on a man who doesn’t have anything to give to me – or doesn’t have the same idea about commitment.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:53am
767 – FW, ditto. men do what they want to do. FACT.
I also see it time and time again.
This includes constant bachelors suddenly marrying and having kids. When they feel it, they feel it. When they don’t, they don’t.
Yes, it really is that simple. And se does not mean anything in the greater schemes..I even had a man say to me once (about a woman we both knew) ‘oh yeah, I’d sleep with her but would never date her’.
I hear all that. These are lessons.
Usually it is us women who get deluded and overthing everything. If a man wants you – he is pretty clear about it. He isn’t going to be umming and ahhing about it. If he is doing the umming and aahhing it means he is ‘JUST NOT THAT INTO US’
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:57am
This is what Roris work is all about…after all. Even this article.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 6:59am
I apply these to men
“:: Soccer Field Parenting ::
I played a lot of chess when I was a kid, and I
learned that to win I had to pay attention to all
the pieces on the board — to keep the *big picture*
At school I noticed that when the other kids played
soccer, they focused only on the ball and mindlessly
*chased* it around the field. But my chess-trained
mind resisted the temptation to join the chaotic
“clump” of kids surrounding the ball. I paid
attention to the whole field and positioned myself
such that I could easily score goals when someone
kicked the ball out of the clump.
In parenting, children’s *behavior* is like the
soccer ball, and the majority of parents are like
that clump of kids chasing the ball — focusing too
much on behavior and missing the bigger picture.
Today, if your own parenting starts to feel like
that ball-chasing chaos, deliberately shift your
perspective to a more expansive view — the
*context* in which your child’s behavior is arising.
The context includes physical, emotional, and
When you want your child’s behavior to change, and
you understand *why* it’s happening, you can
lovingly address your child’s underlying needs and
desires, and blend them creatively with your own.
Now *that’s* teamwork!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:00am
739 FW – actually, I did have one guy who was CONSTANTLY asking me to marry him. Even on FB once, he posted “Marry me” on my timeline!
In his case, it wasn’t coming across as “needy” but I was never sure if he was being serious or not!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:01am
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:09am
BW my way of operating now would be to say “when”?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:13am
744 LiliBee – yep it feels like pressure to them. Men don’t like to feel pressured!
#760 – lol Daria.
#769 – Nice rant Tam. (somebody had to say it)
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:14am
Thanks FW and Heart..yes, a rant. I feel better now. Although, I could continue ad infinitum today.
Must be the hormones.
I feel like saving the world.
I already chatted to two people with special needs today and bawled my eyes out at a dog with only two legs.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:18am
Very compassionate Tam.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:24am
Not just men don’t like to feel pressured.
I don’t like to feel pressured either.
So sometimes I put myself in their shoes.
Coz the way I am now, D was that way during the 1st 3 months.
He was so insecure, controlling and needy.
It made me feel trapped and suffocated.
I didn’t feel comfortable just being and having fun coz I felt he was analysing and interpreting everything I did and said in his own way.
I didn’t feel him open to what really was.
He kept pressuring me for comittment.
I kept saying ” I just want to have fun in the moment and see what evolves naturally for us.”
He would feel insecure and kept pressuring me and watching for cues that I was comitted to him.
I didn’t get the chance to know the real him.
How can I commit to someone I don’t really know?
He got impatient and turned away…you know the rest of that story.
The tables have turned.
We’re both growing, but it’s taking alot of time.
We’re now at the point of putting the focus on ourselves instead of the other person.
It may look and feel like a step backwards, but in reality it is not if we take the opportunity to learn and evolve to become confident mature adults.
I feel odd categorizing this as a man thing.
Maybe it’s just shifting from feminine to masculine energy.
I see him struggling right now to reclame his masculinity.
I see myself struggling to reclame my feminity.
Interesting way to look at it.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:29am
babysteps, Hi, it depends on what’s going on. How about this: Him going into his cave for more than a few hours is telling you SOMETHING. He’s clearly overwhelmed by feelings of some sort – most likely to do with his job, general feelings about himself. The trick is to learn to communicate in a way that actually facilitates him OPENING up and TALKING about what’s up for him, without him feeling interviewed or “coached” by you. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with us. Love, Rori
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:30am
im reading looking at thinking
about the revolution action in Madrid last nite with the hundreds of thousands of people in the streets and
looking at pictures and thinking of Orgasmic birth
and watching a youtube of Marija Gimbutas on the Goddess sculpures and other archeology items from 6000-3000 BC
and getting ready to go to bellydance practice
im so cool and interesting and intensely expansive and awesome
LOL@must be the hormone…..
Roris back!!!! YAYYY HI RORI!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:31am
FW, too much so today. Very emotional.
Visited my grandad, always been a very harsh man but I always made a point of being nice to him, because deep down I KNEW he is/was a good person. He was an orphan and never learnt to show love, he never said anything nice to me, or that he loved me but I could always feel it (lived with my grandparents as a kid for a while)….so today he told me he is making will. And he showed me what he wrote. He does not have much money but there are three grandchildren (the other two never came to visit, just to get Xmas/Birthday money – he always treated us all the same).
So I see in this really squiggly old man’s handwriting this:
..and for my grandchild Tamara, I want her to have ‘insert amount’ (half of what he has to give away). The reason for this is that she has, throughout my life, always shown me her care and affection’
I nearly fell off the chair and immediatelty started crying silently because that, from him, is so unepected. But he wanted to show me….
This is a lot from this so very bitter and lonely man.
I hugged him as I left (for the first time in my life).
I felt overwhelmingly grateful to have seen that, yes, I was always right, he does love me. (I don’t care about inheritance one bit). And I also felt so so sad because I wish I had visited him more, latterly it was a chore for me because he really is a difficult and harsh man.
Today was an eye opener.
((((my poor lonely and love-stripped grandad)))
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:34am
I love this.
I feel inspired to open my horizons.
It’s a great comparison for any relationship in life.
It feels refreshing to see it from such a different perpective.
776 FW – I didn’t want to marry him. So I laughed it off.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:36am
He just called… to say they are calling for rain all weekend so probably no hiking like planned… but he would STILL like to go even to just relax together
Asked a lot of questions on how I am doing and how kiddie is doing… I sense he misses me but did not voice it per say.
RE 772 Thanks Daria. Really good idea to apply it to men. I want “to keep the *big picture* in mind. Looking at it as mindlessly chasing “one” man feels so constricting and limiting. As if there isn’t a big world out there with millions of men.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:37am
Siren Angel I would not go.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:38am
Harsh and ‘cold’ men love also, even if they can’t always tell you.
They most likely will show you, in their own way.
Thanks for showing me that, grandad, after 36 years.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:39am
Tam – oh i feel so moved about your grandfather… i am sobbing !
I already have a profile up.
It gets alot of attention sometimes, there seems to be peak times, then slow down times.
I’m not at interracting with them yet.
For now, it just feels good to see some interesting available men are out there.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:40am
Hi Everyone! I’m back from my roadtrip through France, and have SO much to say. Not even about what I saw and what I did, but what I learned about intimacy and communication and juice in my marriage that we can all use – Will start posting these as soon as I can get them out of my head and my notes into some useable form as Tools.
Love to all of you, and especially to Dominique for watching over the blog and being the amazing coach and woman she is.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:41am
CC talks about creating love from love. I don’t see how this is different. We have reconnected this way many times.
He also says he is hoping the weather will clear up as it often does in that area. He obviously wants to spend that time with me.
789 SA, it sounds like a lame attempt to get some booty. (ouch, I am so sorry, please blame my hormones…..oh dear)
I use all the Scott Noelle postings to apply to men , or to my relationship w myself
I will be more specific about waht they inspire to me the next time i post them
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:42am
RE 781 LiliBee that reminds me of Rori talking about the man “squirming” because of our grip.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:43am
I don’t like being called a ‘friends with bennies’ on the blog… this is NOT what it is. I did get a ring 2 months ago. And there was a serious issue to solve about the kids.
I don’t see how this compares to flings or guys who are only looking for sex with a woman.
793, I am too..thank you Daria. Everytime I think back on it, and him, I want to cry.
I just want to make it all good for him and it’s too late, he lived his life in bitterness and anger…
underneath all that somewhere is love and softness
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:44am
Wow some Sirens seem very frustrated…
THANK YOU THANK YOU for posting that letter yesterday from Allana Pratt!
I just got a chance to read it this morning as i drank my coffee and i was in tears after the first sentence.
She described me to a tee and my heart felt so good to know i am not the only one feeling this way, and that these feelings are valid and worth being heard! If she can do it i can DO it!!
Aww i feel so excited.
Again just thank you for posting that:)
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:45am
Oh yes he does Siren Angel. But then what?
CCarter also talks about telling a man that you will only spend that kind of intimate time with a man who wants a commitment with you.
I would be more concerned about my health being out in that kind of weather. Also I would be concerned about leaving my kid behind.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:46am
800 – SA, I didn’t mean you specifically, just a number of ladies, and what they do is up to them.
A ring from someone who broke up with you, with all due respect, is just a ring from someone you broke up with…ermm…you said it was not even an engagement ring to start with…right? I have a whole bag of assorted jewelry from men that are no longer in my life.
Again, I have the blunt thing today, it is probably my hormones but I can’t stop it. I apologize.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:47am
I remember a time not so long ago when this blog was all about being positive and sharing positive thoughts and suggestions between Sirens and actually more Sirens where getting results at the time.
Not about beating up on the Sirens.
Show me where Rori says to ONLINE date specifically. Many relationship experts now recommend meeting men other ways, including CC.
Where are the SIRENS???
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:48am
CCarter also talks about telling a man that you will only spend that kind of intimate time with a man who wants a commitment with you.
When the guy hears this kind of thing your degree of difficulty goes up because now he knows that to get you he has to offer you more. Every time he thinks of you he will think of you in this context.
802 – yes, I am totally frustrated. If you mean me. I feel very frustrated, I keep reading these odd posts and they trigger me. Memulo (sorry love) did it the other day.
I mean, what more can I say? We are going round in circles. I am sure we all get to the same point eventually.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:49am
SA – its coming across like the connection is being reduced to a friends-with-benefits situation.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:50am
The truth hurts. Sorry.
I feel exasperated and give up. Again.
Each to their own.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:51am
WOW – The girls here really have it out against me today!!!
I don’t NEED to explain that my custody schedule is one week/on week – I would never leave my kid BEHIND during my custody time – paint me as the bad parent too if you want, go ahead. That feels awful, but I am sure it hurts you more.
I heard that piece from CC, it is an example of communication if you do not feel comfortable going away with a man during uncommitted times. I have with M in the past, and this is how we usually get back together, by sharing EXPERIENCES.
Whoa, why do I need to justify basic things here??? I used to get support… Maybe a break from the blog is overdue.
Tam I feel really moved. Thanks for sharing that inspiring story about your granddad.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:52am
*by sharing EXPERIENCES as CC recommends. And Rori too for that matter.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:53am
Siren Angel I said nothing about a bad parent.
My intention was to suggest focussing on loving yourself and your life so that you will communicating along those lines so that he feels that vibe from you.
Does that make sense?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:55am
Thank you Rori
I’m feeling very blessed to have a reply from you. Thank you.
Thanks to BW for alerting me to it!
I have a silly grin on my face right now.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:56am
811, Siren Angel, you are accusing us of ganging up against you but you ask us for advice. If you don’t want to hear it don’t ask.
In my opinion you are beating yourself up about a man who is not stepping up, and who has broken up with you….why? You are a beautiful sensual woman and don’t need to run after anybody. They will run after you.
If you want me to say that what you are doing currently, sounds like a good idea, well I can’t.
Read Rori’s stuff and you’ll find the same in there.
Don’t shoot the messenger.
Over and out!
It’s your life though, you are an adult and you can do as you please.
Iv only been apart of this forum for a few weeks, but i have to agree that the ton of the room has a tenancy to pull me down rather then life me up!
That doesn’t feel good or helpful, especially since i am new here..
Lets all kiss and make up lol
I have nothing against you Siren Angel. Just wanted to help you see things from a different angle. I am sorry if I came across as stepping on your toes.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 7:57am
812 FW thank you
” I am also wondering if Warrior CD was one of those who did some things that could have caused him to self destruct and if he upgraded himself in any way?”
He hasn’t done any of these things.
But, I don’t consider him boyfriend material simply because he drives away before I get to my front door lol
seriously, that is my deal breaker with this guy.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:01am
Thanks Starla. Just goes to show how different we all are and the things that are important to us.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:03am
I would like to remind everyone that Rori actually asks that we refrain from giving advice here and focus more on our own stuff.
I feel like the balance has gotten way more towards telling people what they should be doing. I feel turned of by it, although I know I have been guilty of it myself.
I’m feeling quite uncomfortable.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:07am
820…Starla, haha, that made me laugh. Your boundaries are clearly very well in place, Jeepers!
You go girl (but don’t throw him away just yet, eh?)
Tam – I’m not reading the Granddad story.
I feel moved. I feel teary-eyed. I feel a little jealous (my two grandpas died when I was a child.)
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:10am
Starla: I feel curious if that’s the only dealbreaker with him or if there are others?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:11am
I ‘m now reading….I meant to write
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:12am
yeahhh i dunno
i was kind of thinking of dumping him for this reason.
i feel confused. like… should i allow a man to have access to my body that doesn’t look out for my well being?
but then on the other hand, we were out the other night running an errand for me, and i said i forgot to eat (i wasn’t even hungry), and he insisted on seeing to it that i ate something, even though he’s on a mega strict diet and can’t eat with me and it’s torture for him.
he’s the most alpha male i’ve ever dated and i feel confused.
and i was gonna kind of see if i couldn’t talk to him about the fact that i’m not seeing him as boyfriend material and i don’t want to lead him on, this weekend when we go on a hike, but now he says his friends are coming with us…
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:13am
What do you know, he just called back to say he was missing me. Also asked if I needed anything from his place.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:15am
824, thank you Heart…I felt very surprised when he showed me the piece of paper…so happy and comforting, after all this time
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:16am
And I just want to point that some of you have been nasty with Memulo. I feel sorry for that. Especially that it has gotten me annoyed too. It would feel so much better to be gentle with one another.
827 Starla, see how it pans out, eh?
He might grow on you, he might not
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:17am
Starla I dunno, I am thinking maybe letting him you feel unsafe?? particularly at night when you don’t get through the door and at times feel panicky?? when he drives off might help?? It is something that I look for in men also but am opening to thinking that some of them might be clueless about these “little” things that could make a world of difference. I do believe that some guys need some training around how to be with me. But then again that is me and don’t want to suggest that you have to do things the way I do them. Just a thought……
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:18am
That’s actually kind of it. That he doesn’t open the car door or get out of the car when i come down from my apartment. i just climb in. and i see myself out when he drops me off. and he drives away before i get to the building door.
it feels weird not to have that. it’s keeping me from getting emotionally attached.
and he definitely doesn’t try to see me during the week, although he trains hardcore in martial arts 5 nights a week and is on a very strict diet and regimen. when the weekend comes, he likes to see me.
but it’s the lack of those two things that are keeping me from getting ‘girlfriend’ attached.
but also the reason why i thought it would be good to get sexual with him, as i would really like to open up sexually in general, but i am unable to do this yet with anyone i’ve been emotionally wrapped up in.
i feel confused.
but i also feel good, because i know that no matter what, i am going to be more than okay:)
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:19am
Yes. I am uncomfortable too. I remember a time when this blog was much more about support and uplifting our vibes than beating others up. I wonder where and how this ‘turn’ happened.
For all the Sirens,
I feel curious – when did this ‘turn’ happen? I am noticing a big difference here…
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:22am
And the blog was also about sharing FMs and inspiring.
Not downgrading and comparing.
I feel so cozy and blessed laying in bed, cuddling with my sweetie, and our little doggies. I feel happy to hear that he feels as content with our little family as I do. I love lazy mornings. I feel satisfied after an efficient and productive work day yesterday. I feel anticipation for a gathering at a friend’s house tonight. I feel warm about reconnecting with a friend I haven’t seen in a while yesterday. I feel pretty blessed and lucky.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:23am
830 SA, this is all about perception, isn’t it?
Nasty is a strong word. Do you think we are on here because we want to beat people up and be nasty to them?
Or is it just that, again, the truth hurts?
I feel really quite annoyed at ladies asking for advice and not wanting to hear it. There is a choice, you know. If you ask people, be prepared to get answers.
I must say from my perspective, it has helped me most when Sirens were blunt and open to me and sometimes, yes, I felt triggered too. But then I ask myself ‘this person is sitting somewhere in the world typing a reply for me and thinking about me’ and it made me feel all soft and warm and I was able to see that they ‘mean well’. Why would they care?
Because maybe they have made the mistakes before and know what happens….the patterns just repeat and repeat.
I don’t get on here to beat anyone up, just for your info. Hence I stop commenting on your situation now, because I have, frankly, better things to do.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:25am
Have you communicated this with him? (not waiting to see you go through the door before leaving) I had to mention it at some point with M although he was very attentive in every other way. He may simply not know what makes you feel good. I would want to suggest by telling him it would feel good… (you are the queen of FMs anyway, so I am sure you will come up with something really powerful here). And then, I would watch and see if he makes the effort.
SirenAngel- Thumbs up, You said it!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:26am
I’m gonna go eat breakfast. Be back to respond shortly.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:27am
I feel relieved to be free of the dragging down back to getting stuck on one man and accepting situations that don’t lead anywhere and having to comment on it.
Gosh that reminds me that CuddleyGrinch always stands and watches me until I get on the train or only leaves until I eawalk to a place to catch a train where he can’t see me. I never get why he needs to do that . Awwr..and he does little things for like hold my umbrella & open the door for me. He is so awesome sometimes. I miss him! lol
Oh that sounds divine, warm and soft like a favorite blanket! Thank you for sharing that blessed state
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:28am
833, Starla, some men don’t do it because they have not been educated how to treat a lady. Maybe he doesn’t know, many of the younger ones don’t and also some of the older ones.
Is it a deal breaker?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:29am
BAB/Siren Angel I feel sad to know that this has been your experience. I also guess you can suggest the specific people’s name you might prefer to comment on your situations. Siren Angel as I have been commenting on yours I will take this as an indication that my comments to you have been experienced as nasty. Thanks for letting me know and I will just choose to refrain from commenting from here on as only you know how you feel. I wish you all the best on your journey. I sincerely mean that from the bottom of my heart.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:30am
#820 – but really some guys are just like that it doesnt mean h doesnt care…maybe it’s upbringing I believe…
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:32am
I was not pinpointing you. This makes me feel uncomfortable as I don’t want to mention names, but it’s not you. Your comments are welcome if you wish to share.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:33am
Heart, CG sounds very attentive
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:34am
tee hee ! giggly… feel smile-y & also a bit drained…. but i was struck this morning by how simple my sweet man is… sitting in a new comfy soft sac & watching me do my yoga around the kitten & the doggie & grins BIG, “mm ! i have everything i want !” : ) yayyy : ) me too ! : )
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:35am
i feel so awkward because we’ve been dating for like 2 or 3 months and it would be kind of out of left field for me to say ‘actually, it would feel good to be walked all the way to my door.’
but i want to. and before we start having sex, because i dont want him to think i’m saying it out of need post-sex feelings.
can i get some scripting help?
Maybe the new Sirens need to be shown by example… I feel hopeful.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:36am
845, ok FW, you said it better and much more gentle than me (who is obviously having an emotional day and wants to save the world with brute force if necessary) but in essence: ditto, ditto, ditto
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:37am
Heart I have an interview with Renee Pianne talking about men not having their sh!!it together because they grew up with “leave it to beaver moms” who were always working and never had time to teach the boys certain things. We on the other hand go into relationships with these men expecting certain behaviors without dealing with this kind of reality, is what she suggests. So as she puts it, she has kinda made it her mission to help them get “their shi!!t together”. It was an eye opening interview for me betwen her and CCarter.
Maybe you can say that it would help you feel more intimate with him and be open with him if you felt that he cares about you and your safety in the little ways too.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:38am
I haven’t had any unwanted comments or bad feelings directed towards me, but i was noticing that a lot of people seemed to be bantering and picking on each other, at least that’s how it felt to me when i read it.
We are all learning here, so i don’t think its necessary to name names..
I personally am very grateful for the help and comments i have gotten!
FW- You’re voice, even tho i have never heard it lol is in my head every second that i think or feel the urge to snoop/ask the innocent questions. You told me that “If i feel the need to snoop, the relationship is not worth it” You may have meant this a different way, but i took it as a way to challenge my insecurities and self worth, which makes me want to snoop.
And so far i am very happy to say, i am winning haha Feels wonderful!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:39am
Starla I am thinking of CCarter’s advice of putting things in a positive context and “sandwiching” the request. He talks about the honest woman response and telling the guy what you want without it coming across as a harsh demand.
I know, seems like a lot of difficult to understand instructions.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:40am
Now I feel fearful to comment on anyone’s situation.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:41am
Maybe the next time he drops me off or is about to pull in, I can say “I don’t really like when men drop me off like this”
“i feel so much better being walked to my door and feeling properly hugged and kissed at the end of our time together. what do you think?”
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:42am
Thanks Siren Angel.
I believe it is good for us to look at our own filters so I am looking at mine.
Me too Goddess Lily but I have to ask myself if I will allow that fear to dictate my actions.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:43am
857 – yeah Goddess Lily.
Starla was there a time that he did that?
Or does he do anything that kinda creates that feeling of safety?
Maybe begin the script with that? to sandwich the ““i feel so much better being walked to my door and feeling properly hugged and kissed at the end of our time together. what do you think?”
Or maybe it feels so romantic to be walked to my door etc?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:45am
BTW Starla does he know you are cdating. Mentioning “men” dropping you off just might be a negative trigger for him?? in my humble opinion
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:47am
Then again you can’t do the wrong thing with the right man.
Starla: Something that keeps popping into my head is maybe he dated a woman in the past who didn’t like those acts of chivalry. I know some women who are actually offended by it.
For some reason I just get the impression that it’s more about his cluelessness than lack of care and concern for you.
Sounds like a great opportunity to practicing communication.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:48am
I feel you on that.
The physical pain and feelings of resistance have diminished, I feel like I have so much more love for my friends and especially for my mother which is a miracle – I called her for no reason just to talk last night which is something I sort of dreamed of that mothers and daughters do, just chit chat about not much but feeling connected and
Dream come true!
(tears welling up from my heart)
nothing to hide
easy to love
easy to be
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:49am
#834 – Siren Angel – I believe the Stronger tough love-exasperated approach came after Hurricane Memulo. Most of the Sirens (inmy opinion) kept throwing themselves against a brick wall for a couple of days ( I thankfully sidestepped that energy-sapping disaster early on)
Also – your situation is triggering because you have been around for a little time and we are caught up in your story…
I feel a little scared about your situation. I feel judgemental.
Your boundaries are being tested and well they seem to be breaking.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:50am
It’s like being told not to talk about Rori’s tools because ‘some of us’ (I guess me, haha) are too blunt and not gentle enough.
I am feeling fine about that, a little ‘meh’, perhaps because I currently let go of those conditions that don’t serve me, like people calling me things or men that don’t treat me right. So I have a problem maybe feeling compassionate for those who want to cling onto these conditions even though they are clearly not serving them.
It’s just me feeling sad for them and triggering them, so that’s all good.
Feeling drained by it though.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:51am
I understand not wanting to name names. But for my own understanding I would like to ask if I have crossed the line or offended anyone? (other than Starbright who I think has forgiven me). When Starbright told me how my communication came across it really helped me to see how my ex used to get frustrated and confused with me.
867 ooooh Heart, you are a ‘nasty’ one too…tut tut tut. The first paragraph made me giggle though..
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:52am
Goddess Lily: I feel sad to hear that you feel fearful to comment.
I feel a little confused about the whole not giving advice thing. It seems almost inevitable to not give some advice here.
I feel unsure of the answer…
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:53am
866 Thank you Belle, yes, you know it feels like suddenly everything falls into place. Not perfectly, but it does. I feel loved and I love myself so much now also. I don’t think I could ever go back to my old ways of beating myself up and accepting sub standard treatment from anybody.
I think my grandad just fitted in with my new vibe, so so happy about all that.
I feel so strong now
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:55am
Thanks for listening
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:56am
Goddess Lily, don’t worry, it was surely me.
Just keep saying what you are saying..and not regretting anything. Past is past, we are here now and your opinion is just as valid as everybody elses!
Chin up lady
FW, he walked me to my door once when i was really drunk (he wasn’t drinking) after a concert and I told him to do it haha.
other than that… his insisting i eat something was kind of the first time he made me feel really taken care of. oh and i mentioned i was feeling sick on saturday, and he really seemed to care. and then offered to bring me anything i might need to feel better.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 8:58am
No it’s not you. Your comments have helped me. Thank you.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:02am
there are some other things that freak me out about him, like he’s dated models and he has pictures of beautiful women up around his house. they’re tasteful/art, but still… i always considered myself to be like a 5/10 chick, and now i’m attracting 10′s and feeling like a bit of a 10 myself. looking better than ever and not a crazy chick by any means…
anyway those are personal triggers. but i don’t see him as bf material. i see him as a playboy who can play with me as long as he treats me like gold.
and i don’t quite feel like gold.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:03am
Starla maybe I would then mention how I felt cared for and whatever when I was feeling sick on Saturday and how I want to feel like that when dropped home and maybe what that would look like.
He might not get it right the first time and might need a gentle reminder. I am not sure I would share my body with him before seeing that behavior though because for me, it would be about my boundaries.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:04am
Starla then I would ask myself if I feel like a 10 what makes me not feel like gold? What do I need to tell myself or creat inmy life to feel like gold?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:07am
Siren Angel. “I don’t like being called a ‘friends with bennies’ on the blog… this is NOT what it is. I did get a ring 2 months ago.”
What sort of a ring did he give you?
What was he promising with that ring?
Marriage? or something different?
Also I have seen people been engaged for years without a date set for marriage.
What is a ring without a date.
For me I would want the date in place too.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:08am
I meant to say welcome back Rori. I look forward to reading about your experiences in France.
BTW my daughter wants to go there for 1 year school next year. I feel dread around the thought. Creating stories in my head.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:11am
LOL TAM!! *scrolls up
#830 – oooh I’m now reading this. I feel speechless and hesistant.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:12am
well i wouldn’t keep going out with a guy that doesn’t treat me like gold. that’s a personal choice in my power.
but it seems silly to dump him over something i could communicate.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:14am
Me too FW welcome back Rori.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:15am
Sigh, feeling sad.
Feeling really sensitive to harshness today.
Wondering if maybe it’s a great thing actually. Maybe this is a sign that my energy would be better spent somewhere else today. I actually have a lot I would like to accomplish.
I feel so thankful for what I have learned over the years here on the blog about communication and relationships. That I can take with me. The rest is just…I dunno.
Hmmm, just had a memory of Hawaii. I love how a little smell or flash of light or some other small thing will remind me of another time.
I really love life. I really love my life.
My vibe is my vibe and I don’t need to sway to the rhythm of what is happening around me unless I want to.
Analogy of being in a percussion band…holding my beat even when others around me are getting off time a little bit.
I want for my vibration to be strong and controlled by me. That’s the only thing I can control really. That feels good to know.
Mmmm, I love my yummy life.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:17am
it’s so funny. it’s really all perception. if i shift 5 degrees to the left, i can see that he is very supportive and comforting, and while it was a slow start for him to show these things, it is growing each day.
the door thing is basically the deal breaker. i like to feel a bit more protected by my guys. it really turns me on and makes me feel good.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:18am
I don’t want to corner any Sirens, that feels bad, and frankly that is not my style. I love to support other women, have had women employees and bosses and we always work in teams and have our success stories and secrets. I am not the girl who wants anyone to feel bad, especially if it’s a woman. I am very much of a girls girl and I support women.
I do feel fear that is a lot of ‘interpretation’ and ‘misinterpretation’ here around Rori’s tools. It feels like some Sirens have listened to a program once or a few times, taken what sings to them and their situation, and now feel they can give judgemental advice based on what they ‘kept’ from that listening.
I also feel weary of Sirens who have been Cding for years, with not a single man stepping up really, or not looking at their own feelings of why they continue to CD when one does. There is such a thing as the ‘dating repeatedly and need for men’ trap that other coaches talk about. I am not surprised some are seen as ‘sex pots’ but do feel surprised when they turn around and call me a ‘fwb’… oh how funny and sad and gut-wrenching to see you do this…
…How sad to not aknowledge as a woman that boundaries are different when you sleep with an ex-husband, or was husband to be, a man you have been serious with and want to reconnect with, than with the man you met online 2 weeks ago who barely lights your spark… Maybe it’s a question of maturity too…
Some Sirens will find a specific tool to be more helpful than another. Yet, I don’t agree they should stuff down another Siren’s throat what they feel strongly about. They can share. We are here to share, not convince. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to practice and experience NOT CONVINCING here? If we practice it on men but then have to come here to let all the bad stuff out… Are we really growing???
I feel like my wings are wide and the wind is blowing under them now… Phew… Felt good to let that out.
There are many wonderful true Sirens here that I truly want to share with and that I feel curious about keeping up with (They know who they are, mostly). We all have our strength and weaknesses, let’s draw from our strengths. What do you think?
Fear Of Commitment – Are You As Strong As This Woman?
By Sarah Michaels
See all Articles by Sarah MichaelsSee Sarah Michaels’s Relationship Expert.
Are you facing a relationship – or even a NON-relationship – that is prevented from moving forward due to fear of commitment? Have you taken any steps to try to confront and banish this fear, or, like many women, do you resort to needy behavior such as clinging or unproductive displays of anger?
As women, we are often taught to approach things within a relationship in a manner that is 100% the opposite of helpful behavior. It’s not our fault – because often the approach we use and the behavior we display SOUNDS completely rational.
I mean, if your boyfriend is pulling away and you show him that you need him, as a man, as a caregiver and protector, that should make him want you more, right? Show him your vulnerability and, if he is a real man, he will want to soothe it and make it go away.
Actually – when you are dealing with a fear of commitment, that is incorrect.
Go here to learn more: http://www.youcangettheguy.com/RoriRayeAdvice4.htm
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:19am
I’m going to CD God. When I obsess, I’m going to obsess about Him. When I lean back, I’m going to lean back into His arms. His arms are always open, even when my heart has been closed for so long.
The ‘plan’ was to move in together and marry next summer.
795 – Welcome back! I missed you! I’m glad you had a nice vacation!!
Annie – Be very careful….things are afoot here…
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:21am
Strong on the inside, soft on the outside
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:22am
888 – Love it! Me too! Everyday!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:24am
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:27am
I also feel concerned that some of the newer sirens might not be aware that Rori has posted certain ‘guidelines’ for how we communicate here so that it can feel safe for everyone.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:30am
I totally get your POV and where you are coming from Siren Angel.
Everyone is where they are at on their own unique journey.
So there for the grace of God go I and if it were us in that situation with are emotions tangled up and bonded are hormones would most likely be running us.
Sadly for most of us women we are not able to get to a better place and see the wood from the trees and a clearer picture to what is going on until we stop sleeping with a man who is not showing us he is on the same page wants a forever commitment with us and is able to give us everything we want and is in love with us.
As women we produce oxytocin when we sleep with a man and bond to him before he has bonded with us is in love with us and has shown us that he has any intention and is able of making a full commitment if that is what we want.
That is how we end up bonded with the wrong man/men for us and in an emotional mess waiting around for them to choose us instead us choosing the best man for us.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:33am
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:34am
our not are
Sex is one of the greatest forms of human expression, but it is also one of the most confusing. Especially in today’s age of the “booty call,” how do you know what is real or not? Knowing what your physical relationship means is crucial to any woman’s
Sex is glorified on every billboard, in ever TV show, and has become a nationwide best seller. So then why is it still such a source of confusion? There have been studies that have shown that women can actually become chemically attracted to sexual partners.
So what does all this mean? Is sex really a contract? And the answer to that is no. So what do you do?
Should you wait?
When you are dating someone and it is going really well and you want to take him up to your apartment, is that always a bad idea. Does sex on the first date
always lead to catastrophe? Well, no, but it usually doesn’t lead anywhere productive either. There are always exceptions to every rule.
If you are serious about this guy and he is serious about you then waiting a few dates won’t matter because eventually you guys will be able to have all of the sex you want! What’s the rush? Waiting a few weeks will be a good test to see how compatible the two of you are without relying on the physical side.
What about in the past?
Not too long ago, sex was indeed a contract. If you had sex with someone, you were honor bound to marry them. This was also in the time before birth
control was so readily available and most men were gentleman.
Don’t fall into the trap that modern society has created. New music has popularized the idea of the
“player.” It has also degraded women into thinking that we need to be sexy all the time to please our men. This is not true. Women have to be able to
separate media from reality.
As much as a man likes to think so, he is not Vanilla Ice. He has to be a gentleman and you should remain lady like. This doesn’t mean go out wearing
turtle necks and your best mom jeans, simply be aware that waiting isn’t taboo or unheard of.
Is it a booty call?
So you have been seeing this guy for a few dates but now he asks you to come over at one in the morning. Is this romantic or is this a booty call? The
difference is very subtle and hard to find. It will take a lot of detective work on your part.
If he has been very sweet to you and doesn’t ask you to come over in a sexual manner, then you might have a better chance at it being a romantic gesture. If you have been a last minute choice for a while then you should be seeing the warning lights flashing.
A couple dates doesn’t mean that he is perfect. Don’t ever trust him blindly in the first parts of a relationship. You owe it to yourself to be wary with
any new man. It takes time to build a bond and senses of trust so don’t take it for granted.
Does he work to impress you?
A man who really wants you will show it. You shouldn’t have to question if he means what he says. It should be fairly clear that you are on his mind all the time.
If you are in doubt, there is never any harm in waiting. If he doesn’t respect your choices then you probably didn’t want to date him in the first place.
Remember that you have the power to make your own decisions and you shouldn’t be pressured into anything. Be an independent thinker and you will make the right choices. Good luck!
To the happiness you deserve,
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:44am
I feel grateful for having found Rori and her tools at a time of when I was waking up and they have helped are helping to wake me up further.
And just want to encourage other sirens on their journey to keep doing the tools leaning back to get them to a better more clearer happier place with more healthy and loving relationships.
We are all where we are at and it is what it is.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:45am
What’s The Difference Between Masculine Energy and Feminine Energy, and What Does “Bia!tch” Have To Do With It?
Hi, This is Rori -
If you’ve caught yourself feeling one way and then saying or acting another – sometimes the complete OPPOSITE from the way you actually feel – that’s the PRETENDING TRAP.
It’s when you really feel like a girl, but you act like a man. Either because you don’t want to appear weak, or because there’s just no MODEL for you out there on how to be STRONG and “girl” at the same time!
To get the one-on-one, personal help you need to learn to USE your feminine energy – to access your inner, powerful “bitch” without letting her ruin your relationships – you’ll want to check out how to be one of only 10 women in my “You Get Love” Coaching and Support Class starting October 11th and 15th right here==>>
The TRUTH is – the very definition of “girl” is STRONG!
We women are totally amazing – we can endure pain, we can multi-task, we can take over anyone and anything – and yet we’ve been told that’s not true. We’ve been lied to. We’ve been told that Feminine qualities – like intuition, feeling, empathy, sensuality and emotional connectedness have no place in the “real” world.
But that’s all changing. Now we see business books out there called “How To Do Business Like A Girl,” and all kinds of books on leadership that take a totally Feminine approach!
Think of it this way:
Masculine Energy is about DOING and Feminine Energy is about BEING.
Masculine Energy is about THINKING and Feminine Energy is about FEELING.
You can pretty much categorize most things – what you do and say, how you react and what you think and feel – as either Masculine Energy or Feminine Energy just by noticing if it’s Doing or Being, Thinking or Feeling.
It’s not that we have to stop using our Masculine Energy – it’s that we have to learn to use our Feminine Energy, too – and we have to learn when and where and how to use both energies to get the best results in life and in love.
So, I’d like you to do this:
1. As you walk through your everyday life, check in with yourself. Start noticing when you’re doing and thinking, and know you’re in your masculine energy. Then…
2. Notice when you’re simply feeling a sensation (without thinking about it, naming it, or judging it) or just Being Present, and you’ll know you’re in your Feminine Energy.
Is your energy balanced between the two in a way that’s working for you – Masculine and Feminine working together?
Or are you lopsided to the Masculine?
To learn how to balance yourself so that your Masculine energy is HELPING your Feminine energy to emerge and attract the man and relationship you want – become one of only 10 women in my “You Get Love” Coaching and Support Class
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:51am
Understand Men Tip #50
Men love to get a sexy, “I love your body” or “I love
your hands on me” look from across the room. Just
a simple closed-lip smile and knowing eyes set him
on fire. No words needed.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:53am
I feel really admiring of the way you expressed that.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:54am
It appears to me as an observer that you then both had doubts Siren so although painful maybe a blessing in disguise and the universe protecting you.
If you move in without an engagement ring and wedding date in plan he already has you as I see it and will no longer be inspired to actually follow through if marriage is what you want.
Annie – I feel the same way. I believe leaning back & focusingmworking on yourself to be the initial and therefore most crucial step.
I feel if you don’t do this everything that follows is all about gettting the guy..rather than changing how u do things.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:55am
@ ” Some Sirens will find a specific tool to be more helpful than another. Yet, I don’t agree they should stuff down another Siren’s throat what they feel strongly about. They can share. We are here to share, not convince. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to practice and experience NOT CONVINCING here? If we practice it on men but then have to come here to let all the bad stuff out… Are we really growing???”
I do feel ‘controlled’ when I am told what to do in a way that insists I am ‘wrong’ vs sharing or asking how I feel if I consider a certain different thought.
I don’t always feel the need to share how I feel when that is being triggered in me.
I just experience the feeling and use it as an example of how a man can experience being with me when I am ‘controlling’ and making him ‘wrong’.
I get to see and experience all the communication styles that can make someone feel controlled, stifled, inadequate…
I can look for instances that I have communicated that way and identify the feelings it triggers in others.
I often feel curious and fascinated when I discover how a certain way of communicating is experienced by others.
I use it to take a good honest objective look at my own way of communicating.
that was address to #901 not the FWB situation.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:57am
In relation to the situation on the blog here with Memulo, here is one thing I have been learning in my relationships: the value of silence.
Not just with men when they don’t contact me, but when I feel annoyed. When I feel annoyed or angry, and I state my feelings and feel further badgered, what is the point in getting in a back and forth argument? It feels challenging, but often I feel most at ease when I walk away.
For example, I have a particular friend (not on the blog) who I cherish, but at every turn, she is picking a fight with me on text….over the slightest thing! It used to get into a long drawn out argument over semantics, “you said…I said…no, you said,…no, that’s not what I meant…”
I am learning, mostly from R, by observing him, to just walk away when it gets heated. And Rori says this too.
So bringing it back to Memulo, in the interests of observing ourselves in how we relate, if she asks, “Should I call him? What if he really is sick?”
…and I say, “No, that wouldn’t serve the relationship. That is leaning forward. He will contact you when he is ready.”
And then she asks 10 more times if she should call him, I would just leave it alone.
I know sometimes men issues mess with my head. And sometimes it helps me to just come on the blog and get my circular thoughts to stop and hold steady, by seeing them in black and white on the blog, like sitting on a fast-spinning merry-go-round and just having it come to a halt.
I would allow Memulo to have her process. Just let the blog be her safe personal journal. She doesn’t necessarily need to be told no for every time she asks if she should call him. I don’t necessarily need to let myself be triggered every time I read it. She definitely doesn’t need it implied that she is stupid, and that doesn’t help at all.
Maybe she just needs our silent support. She knows it’s best not to call him. But this is a place she can help stop her whirling thoughts.
Memulo, I hope today is another day toward embracing your precious self, staying on YOUR bridge, in YOUR heart, dancing down the path to YOUR happy ever after.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:58am
A man just texted me to tell me to plan a date and give him directions and he’ll be there.
What do I say? He moved to Cleveland two weeks ago, but I’ve already declined to meet him downtown for dinner in this negotiation process. I have plans for dinner Saturday already and I’ve said I’d feel better meeting closer to home. He doesn’t know where home is for me, so…
I don’t feel romantic planning dates, and I don’t date men who don’t romance me, lol! I live near Beachwood.
How should I tweak this before sending it?
Hey, it’s Mike Fiore . . .
How’s your day going?
Really quick, before we get to today’s questions:
This video is shorter than a sitcom but it will let you know with 100% certainty if the guy you’re with
(or the guy you want to be with) REALLY loves you or if he’s just stringing you along:
And now, on to the fun . . .
Sheena asks . . .
“I think my therapist is interested in me. A few weeks ago he put his wrist on my wrist. He stood very close to me once and Monday he put his hand on my hand. Do those gestures mean anything?”
Thanks for your question.
Let me answer your question with a question of my own.
Do you WANT your therapist to be interested in you?
Let’s talk about confirmation bias.
Confirmation bias is a psychological concept that nests deep in the back of the human lizard brain . . .
And it’s nasty and dangerous.
The basic idea behind confirmation bias is that human beings tend to favor information that confirms their beliefs, hypothesis or even desires.
(And that we IGNORE information that denies those same beliefs, hypotheses or desires.)
Confirmation bias is RAMPANT in our culture (especially in politics) and sneaky marketers use it all the time to sell you stuff.
The way it works is like this:
At some point a part of your brain decided that it’s possible your therapist is “interested” in you.
And then the confirmation bias part of your brain went into crazy half-drunk detective mode and started looking for any “proof” it could find at all that
your therapist IS in fact interested in you.
Even worse, that same confirmation bias causes us to “transform” relatively innocuous stuff (a brush of a hand he may not have even noticed) into a GESTURE OF PROFOUND MEANING.
(Confirmation bias works the other way as well, by the way. If you “suspect” that your man is cheating on you, your mind is going to go NUTS looking for “proof” that he’s cheating even if he’s not. Dangerous.)
So is your therapist “interested” in you?
Well, what do you mean by interested?
My gut is telling me that your therapist is a nice guy who’s interested in you as a patient and as a human being . . .that he’s got empathy. That he’s kind. That he’s maybe kinder to you and nicer to you than any other guy in your life.
And that part of you craves a really nice guy like him to sweep you into his arms and take care of you.
But there’s no romance here. It’s a mirage. And if it wasn’t a mirage it would be a dangerous dragon waiting to consume you both. He’d very quickly lose his license and destroy his career by having any kind of relationship with his patient.
And you’d lose the chance to finish the work you’re doing with him on yourself by pursuing something with your therapist.
So here’s the hard bit of advice I have to give you:
Ask him about it. Tell him that you’ve been reading these signals from him over the last few weeks. Describe what you’ve been feeling. If he’s a good
therapist (and I hope he is) this won’t be the first time this sort of thing has happened and he’ll know exactly how to handle things
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 9:59am
I should add this is a first meeting, and I don’t want a stranger knowing where I live, specifically. I don’t want him to pick me up…but will it be harder to have him do that later if I make it beyond the first date if I haven’t already set the precedent?
honestly i think anyone who is on such a mission to force their beliefs on others is just running away from their own shortcomings. it’s hard to take them seriously after a while.
i know it hurts. i’ve been through the receiving end of that treatment. but then i got bored with it after asserting my boundaries in as many ways as i knew possible, and still seeing that treatment coming at me.
i would never take money advice from someone who can’t pay their own bills. or weight loss advice from an obese person. in the same way, consider the source when someone is frantically freaking out trying to tell you how wrong you are about your own life.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:00am
I feel soooo intrigued by the topic of communication and the subtleties behind it. I feel a flutter in my heart thinking about these things. I actually feel turned on, not in a sexual way but as in my whole body lights up, when I hear communication that impresses me. I feel admiration when I read or hear an idea communicated in an effective way.
Mmmm, I feel charged up just talking about it!!!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:03am
Brandylion – use an FM.
I feel uncomfortable planning a date….I feel like a guy. I want to feel romanced. Would be good if u planned it…..What u think?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:04am
Hello, I am currently having some serious relationship issues.. My boyfriend of 9 months has been cheating with his exgirlfriend. As a result I have done some bad things as to vandalizing his car and showing up at the ex house when he was there. can you please help me to correct my problems with my boyfriend as he is not speaking to me and we are in a really bad place.. I want to work this out but i dont know if i should or how i can rectify the damage that has already been done by me..Help!!!
Interesting point. I do feel a need to share my triggers here, but not always and not even usually though. But is seems like lately there has been a lot of “I am right and you are wrong’ attitude from some Sirens. Which is exactly what we can’t do with a man. Although, I could learn here to ‘let some things be unspoken yet felt’.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:06am
Brandylion/Heart I would share that it feels romantic when the man leads by planning the date.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:09am
That feels very loving and wise. I feel inspired.
Daria you might be interested in this so I am sharing.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:15am
Ty Laughing Goddess.
I feel shocked….
reading all these things is waking me up to the reality
many good romantic traits.
all i do is focus on his bad ones…:(.
FW – thanks that wording seems so much smoother and lovely. I remember it if I CD a guy who wants me to plan.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:16am
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:21am
#921 – sorry that was a mistake.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:23am
‘wary of advice from Sirens who CD for years with no man stepping up’…hmmmm… I’d think that would trigger quite a few people on here.
So who is qualified to give advice:
- the ‘nice’ ones
- the ones who are trying to get a man to step up
- the ones in relationships
and not the ones who are doing what Rori is advocating so strongly..?
Hmm. Well, that wasn’t aimed at me, as I had man stepping up and even asking for marriage but I decided not to go for it as they weren’t my soulmates. And I am not mad on CDing. Yet I am finding the comment very judgmental ‘putting people down’ and from where it is coming really it strikes me as strange….nevermind.
I feel frustrated and unheard and a scapegoat, but if it helps just a single person on here then I feel happy.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:25am
Heart, I too think you are giving Cuddley man a hard time
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:27am
I’m feeling so inspired right now by what I am reading on here. Feels heartwarming and yummy.
Also, my tummy feels full and my body satisfied.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:35am
@908 Radlove – feels brilliant and wise. Thanks!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:37am
923 – To whom are you addressing that?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:38am
912 – To whom are you addressing that?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:40am
Would any of you mind giving me your thoughts on how my (FM and feminine energy) is in this convo i just had with my bf through txt!? I was trying not to lean forward too much. (I welcome any and all advice/thoughts)
I will call him N and im B.
Sorry the FM are more to the end of the convo, but ill just start at the top, lol Hope thats ok.
N: Have a great day at work!
B: Thanks same to you sweetheart.
(A little while later.)
N: Looks like more overtime for me, two ppl called in today. Lame.
B: Wow really? jerk faces lol
N: Lol right? Hows your day starting off so far?
B: Funny you should ask, i woke up late and had to run out the door half dressed I know i was insanely relaxed, but sleeping through my alarm!? *face palm* lol
N: Lol right? You were amazing to snuggle with though! And i remember you were like oh sh*& im late love you smooch and zoom!
B: Drive by kissing anyone! lol iv got skills:) Thanks love. I quite enjoyed last night. I felt amazing falling back to sleep in your arms!
N: Same here beautiful!
(Hour in between convo)
N: Love ya:)
B: haha your cute, love you!
N: were you sucking on my neck last night?!?!?!
B: huh? lol no i dont believe so, maybe in my sleep lol?
N: I think you gave me a hickey! Im at work now lol damnit. I have no way of covering this up! I think though, its kind of itchy so it could be razor burn.
B: Lol i really dont think i kissed your neck at all last night. Im sorry Handsome.
N: Nothing to be sorry about dork.
N: Love you, i dont wanna be here:(
B: Love you too Oh yes i hear you!
N: at least you dont have to work till 9! sorry if im bothering you
B: No ur not at all I might have too with how late i was lol jk Is it a busy day?
N: Oh snap im sorry! and yeah its a typical day i guess. I miss you, you ran off on me this morning!
B: Dont worry i got more snugglins in me;) But i miss you too!
N: and i just want to snuggle you. lol great minds think alike! Ugh i feel needy today. Alright ill leave ya be love ya!
B: That they do! hee hee. Im sorry ur feeling that way, but i love that u feel you can share things like that with me:) Love ya too!
N: Of course:) have good rest of the day talk soon!
B: Thank you:) you too!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:42am
How do you feel about the conversation?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:47am
This whole thing feels Yucky.
The person bringing it about – SA – is Playing victim while under- handedly attacking Sirens on this site. Distasteful.
While other Sirens encourage her – probably triggered themselves
Tam – it’s easy for Siren Angel to blame you than come to terms with her break-up. Have Compassion for her. She’s confused, hurting somewhere on the inside…l
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:48am
OMG I laughed so hard.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:50am
Part of what I have learned here is to drop the defensive stance. Don’t take things personal.
Sorry I haven’t had time to catch up on the blog yet but I just used some FM’s and I feel a weird shift in me… and it worked…. and now I am feeling worried… like paranoia – like this does’t normally happen for me.
I feel scared…
I am feeling butterflies and jittery…..
Why do I always presume the worst?
Why am such a pessimist!?
Answers on a postcard….
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:51am
ps Tam – Please be honest with me if I am ever in a situation like that.
Rebecca I would consider that this is building my awareness rather than asking why.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:52am
Bab, I have nothing constructive to say but…..cutest convo ever!! That made me feel giggly and happy too.
Blue rose – you know I almost forgot the topic of this thread …thanks for reminding me…
It was starting to feel to heavy.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:54am
This story had me in STITCHES. Felt so good to laugh like that. And I can relate. I have felt mortified more than a few times with that kind of thing, be it what happens after a rich dinner or some oops moments during that time of the month. But HE thinks it’s all FUNNY and makes JOKES. So I just laugh too, but I’m really laughing in relief and joy that I really can’t scare this guy.
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:55am
It just struck me reading “Please be honest with me if I am ever in a situation like that”. LiliBee maybe the reason I felt the shift in the way you have been writing recently is maybe that you have committed to being honest with yourself?
Maybe when we let go of having our reality match up with the ideal we have in our heads people experience us as more authentic?
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:56am
Heart, thank you. I think my honesty often gets me into trouble, but actually, I don’t mind too much.
I’d rather speak my mind and be authentic nowadays…and I must say it really has helped with men also, with all my relationships in fact.
I believe we are all different but we have a kind of common quest to be on here. I, for one, have been at the receiving end of many an uncomfortable feeling comment about my stories (I think even one or two from you ), but it has helped me grow more than anything else, so yeah, I like to face up to my demons…occasionally
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 10:58am
BAB – Awwwwwwwwr so cute!
Laughing goddess- I feel good about it because he has not done this sort of thing in a long while. Most days he just txts me once and says ” Love ya” which bothers me, it feels fake when ppl say “love ya” instead of “love you” lol
Thanks goddess! It had the same effect on me. I feel worried when you say you have nothing constructive to say tho, makes me think i did something wrong. But thank you for sharing:)
940..absolutely agreed FW, and actually, your comments have also often felt like ‘tough love’, but honestly – they were always brilliant and to the point. I’d like to keep seeing them!!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 11:00am
I feel super amused by the irony of life. We humans are so funny.
935 – Heart, I shall be!!
He has the biggest heart at times and can be very loving!!
Wednesday, 26 September 2012 @ 11:02am
Bab (sorry if offensive)
I feel so icky hearing a guy say he feels needy…
is that a “bad” thing Sirens?
BAB, I meant I have nothing to add. No suggestions. It just felt good to read.
948…hmmm….Heart, maybe not if he just says it once regarding a specific time/event in his life. I believe we all get needy from time to time, for one reason or other. However,