Comments on: How To Deal With A Depressed Man http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:37:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=7817 By: KC http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-48575 KC Wed, 07 Jul 2010 15:51:52 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-48575 Jamie, there are nice articles which guys can also find them here. When I read all great articles here or any blog or facebook, I really want to share with you coz it has been being a good company and self education since I am in Guangzhou. Like the first motivation led me to this topic how to deal with a depressed man. That actually dragged me back to the life you had in Shanghai, I was the closest person involved them with you. What I I wrote our story with the full names on for leaving the message in this life and I didn't share this emotional secret to any of friends, the happiness brought me, Rori's reply and I appreciate Rori a lot. Glad to hear you are touched! Katherine Jamie, there are nice articles which guys can also find them here. When I read all great articles here or any blog or facebook, I really want to share with you coz it has been being a good company and self education since I am in Guangzhou. Like the first motivation led me to this topic how to deal with a depressed man. That actually dragged me back to the life you had in Shanghai, I was the closest person involved them with you. What I
I wrote our story with the full names on for leaving the message in this life and I didn’t share this emotional secret to any of friends, the happiness brought me, Rori’s reply and I appreciate Rori a lot.
Glad to hear you are touched!

Katherine

]]> By: Jamie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-48417 Jamie Tue, 06 Jul 2010 12:52:07 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-48417 I am so happy to find this message.. I love you too Katherine. It never stopped. Wow I feel like im walking on air! Thank you Rori for your help to people... Maybe you can ask your brother to make a site for guys?! : ) I am so happy to find this message.. I love you too Katherine. It never stopped.

Wow I feel like im walking on air!

Thank you Rori for your help to people… Maybe you can ask your brother to make a site for guys?! : )

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-42506 Rori Raye Sun, 30 May 2010 07:22:15 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-42506 KC, Welcome, and you sound so sweet and lovely...I'm so sorry this didn't work out for you - at least for now, and so glad that you're able to detach from him a bit. As you get more of a social life and start seeing other men...this will all get clear for you. Sometimes we'll never forget a man - and there's no point in trying to. Just keep him in your heart and let other men in there, too - until one takes a much bigger space in there. You can hold a tremendous amount of love inside your heart... Love, Rori KC, Welcome, and you sound so sweet and lovely…I’m so sorry this didn’t work out for you – at least for now, and so glad that you’re able to detach from him a bit. As you get more of a social life and start seeing other men…this will all get clear for you. Sometimes we’ll never forget a man – and there’s no point in trying to. Just keep him in your heart and let other men in there, too – until one takes a much bigger space in there. You can hold a tremendous amount of love inside your heart… Love, Rori

]]> By: KC http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-42406 KC Sat, 29 May 2010 10:23:27 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-42406 Dear all great ladies here, I experienced being with the man Jamie Connell I love for 3 years even now he is still running in my head everyday. We met in Shanghai in 2006 Oct and felt in love at the first sight. He had stress from work, he was running his own bar business and it wasn't good. He found another jobs bar related and he felt he had to change his job from midnight to daytime. Our relationship was going ups and downs. I understood his situation so accepted all these. He now left Shanghai and is working in Thailand 1 year ago. My company sent me to Guangzhou last Oct. I should say it helps me to take a break from Shanghai and the memories with him. You know after 1 year, he is not still running in my head. I really love him and I understand him for some aspects also after being in some relationships in my life and the prospective to life. I should not say it first: I want to be with him in my rest of life. Right now we are still on each others skype and bring me happiness when I see him on at work. No longer be angry or suspicisiou he is with other women when he is not on skype. My head is not painful with I am thinking he is with another woman. Just a bit sad about us. I hope everyone give me any suggestions in my situation. Have a nice day Katherine Cheng Dear all great ladies here,
I experienced being with the man Jamie Connell I love for 3 years even now he is still running in my head everyday.
We met in Shanghai in 2006 Oct and felt in love at the first sight. He had stress from work, he was running his own bar business and it wasn’t good. He found another jobs bar related and he felt he had to change his job from midnight to daytime. Our relationship was going ups and downs. I understood his situation so accepted all these. He now left Shanghai and is working in Thailand 1 year ago. My company sent me to Guangzhou last Oct. I should say it helps me to take a break from Shanghai and the memories with him. You know after 1 year, he is not still running in my head.
I really love him and I understand him for some aspects also after being in some relationships in my life and the prospective to life. I should not say it first: I want to be with him in my rest of life.
Right now we are still on each others skype and bring me happiness when I see him on at work. No longer be angry or suspicisiou he is with other women when he is not on skype. My head is not painful with I am thinking he is with another woman. Just a bit sad about us.
I hope everyone give me any suggestions in my situation.

Have a nice day

Katherine Cheng

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-23871 Rori Raye Fri, 18 Dec 2009 23:04:53 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-23871 Katie - stop pushing. Let him do what he wants. Trying to talk a man into anything is a losing proposition. It's damaging all the way around. And - sorry - but I don't think this is just about kindness. You FEEL compassionate and sad - but this is about YOU. You want to introduce him to your family, you want him to be DIFFERENT...you want to make change...this is controlling, manipulating - and, please stop it. You and he, if this works, will create NEW traditions for the two of you, and your family will slowly become a part of that. Just drop it. Love, Rori Katie – stop pushing. Let him do what he wants. Trying to talk a man into anything is a losing proposition. It’s damaging all the way around. And – sorry – but I don’t think this is just about kindness. You FEEL compassionate and sad – but this is about YOU. You want to introduce him to your family, you want him to be DIFFERENT…you want to make change…this is controlling, manipulating – and, please stop it. You and he, if this works, will create NEW traditions for the two of you, and your family will slowly become a part of that. Just drop it. Love, Rori

]]> By: Katie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-23786 Katie Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:18:48 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-23786 Rori, I feel like I'm in a very difficult position. My (relatively new) boyfriend has a situation I know nothing about (yes I know "boyfriend-trap," but I'm only 23). My boyfriend doesn't have a family It's actually quite a sad, horrible story. His parents abandoned him when he was a baby and was raised by his grandpa (who from what I've heard, was a very kind loving man...who died two years ago). He has no relationships with his parents due to the horrifying abuse experienced over the years (neglect and violence - at one point later in life his mother racked up huge credit card debt in his name (~$900,000) and the last time he saw his dad two years ago they got into a fist fight). He grew up with some very close friends who died in a car crash a few years ago. He has no siblings and the only other living relative he has is his dad's brother who is also quite a pathetic asshole. Oh, and all this happened in Ireland, where he grew up. He is now in the states and has been here for 3 years. And now my family....I have this huge, loving family (which I have come to cherish even more as a gift after learning the things my bf went through). And now, it's the holiday season. My parents and siblings know about his family situation so (naturally) we don't want him to be alone. I've asked him to go and he said he felt very uncomfortable about large family get-togethers and declined [insisting he has actually like spending it alone...playing video games and ordering take-out (that's what him and his grandpa used to do together on holidays)]. Understandable (because of his family situation and us being such a new couple) but part of this uncomfortability definitely comes when any new significant other meets the family. Thank god for his angel of a grandpa who taught him what love is and raised a truly resilient, wonderful man (he's not depressed...at least not showing any extreme classical signs of it). And he does have very close friends now that are very supportive and he has great, very normal relationships with. And our relationship is a very blooming, wonderful one. I deliver feeling messages and he is very responsive, affectionate and enjoys meeting my needs. (Not to mention such a babe and makes me laugh uncontrollably constantly). I know we are supposed to go through a man's heart. But this heart-wrenching story is something I cannot ignore wanting to give a piece of my kindness for. I want to show him what a real loving family is like. I told him this, and what he revealed to me feels like he doesn't understand what a loving family is. Like he didn't have hope in it because he's had such bad experiences: went to a friend's house for a family party and there was a fist fight and it made him feel awkward, feels like family members are cruel to one another (whispering insulting things under their breath), feels like he doesn't belong and ESPECIALLY because it's always awkward when they find out he doesn't have a family. He's afraid people will either feel sorry for him or think he's weird or something. Now, the feeling like he doesn't belong part is something every new significant other goes through when meeting the family, you can understand and deal with if you have a family. Just because things get difficult doesn't mean you ignore them and choose not to be a part of them. Part of being in a family means you go through those things and you stick with it. But the other parts, about being weird about people asking about his family (my relatives specifically) it's going to make him feel bad. I feel bad that I pushed it on him (because I asked/talked to him about it twice) because he might be able to handle it if it happens slowly (Christmas is like the biggest family time of the year...maybe low-key times will be better). I also want to show him that this is a part of my life [and we are not cruel (well not ALL the time jk) to each other] and that this is a big part of what makes me, me. I also feel that I really don't want him to be alone (he has said before that he is uncomfortable with holidays...and said something on his facebook status about hating the holidays). Even though he says he likes being alone, I don't 100% believe him. I just don't think he wants to admit it. That's how I feel, but I also feel like this is a very sensitive subject that I don't know anything about what it was like growing up for him so I don't want to push him if it really hurts him. Any thoughts/comments/words of guidance? Love, Katie Rori,

I feel like I’m in a very difficult position. My (relatively new) boyfriend has a situation I know nothing about (yes I know “boyfriend-trap,” but I’m only 23).

My boyfriend doesn’t have a family It’s actually quite a sad, horrible story. His parents abandoned him when he was a baby and was raised by his grandpa (who from what I’ve heard, was a very kind loving man…who died two years ago). He has no relationships with his parents due to the horrifying abuse experienced over the years (neglect and violence – at one point later in life his mother racked up huge credit card debt in his name (~$900,000) and the last time he saw his dad two years ago they got into a fist fight). He grew up with some very close friends who died in a car crash a few years ago. He has no siblings and the only other living relative he has is his dad’s brother who is also quite a pathetic asshole. Oh, and all this happened in Ireland, where he grew up. He is now in the states and has been here for 3 years.

And now my family….I have this huge, loving family (which I have come to cherish even more as a gift after learning the things my bf went through).

And now, it’s the holiday season. My parents and siblings know about his family situation so (naturally) we don’t want him to be alone. I’ve asked him to go and he said he felt very uncomfortable about large family get-togethers and declined [insisting he has actually like spending it alone...playing video games and ordering take-out (that's what him and his grandpa used to do together on holidays)]. Understandable (because of his family situation and us being such a new couple) but part of this uncomfortability definitely comes when any new significant other meets the family.

Thank god for his angel of a grandpa who taught him what love is and raised a truly resilient, wonderful man (he’s not depressed…at least not showing any extreme classical signs of it). And he does have very close friends now that are very supportive and he has great, very normal relationships with. And our relationship is a very blooming, wonderful one. I deliver feeling messages and he is very responsive, affectionate and enjoys meeting my needs. (Not to mention such a babe and makes me laugh uncontrollably constantly).

I know we are supposed to go through a man’s heart. But this heart-wrenching story is something I cannot ignore wanting to give a piece of my kindness for. I want to show him what a real loving family is like.

I told him this, and what he revealed to me feels like he doesn’t understand what a loving family is. Like he didn’t have hope in it because he’s had such bad experiences: went to a friend’s house for a family party and there was a fist fight and it made him feel awkward, feels like family members are cruel to one another (whispering insulting things under their breath), feels like he doesn’t belong and ESPECIALLY because it’s always awkward when they find out he doesn’t have a family. He’s afraid people will either feel sorry for him or think he’s weird or something.

Now, the feeling like he doesn’t belong part is something every new significant other goes through when meeting the family, you can understand and deal with if you have a family. Just because things get difficult doesn’t mean you ignore them and choose not to be a part of them. Part of being in a family means you go through those things and you stick with it.

But the other parts, about being weird about people asking about his family (my relatives specifically) it’s going to make him feel bad.

I feel bad that I pushed it on him (because I asked/talked to him about it twice) because he might be able to handle it if it happens slowly (Christmas is like the biggest family time of the year…maybe low-key times will be better). I also want to show him that this is a part of my life [and we are not cruel (well not ALL the time jk) to each other] and that this is a big part of what makes me, me. I also feel that I really don’t want him to be alone (he has said before that he is uncomfortable with holidays…and said something on his facebook status about hating the holidays). Even though he says he likes being alone, I don’t 100% believe him. I just don’t think he wants to admit it. That’s how I feel, but I also feel like this is a very sensitive subject that I don’t know anything about what it was like growing up for him so I don’t want to push him if it really hurts him.

Any thoughts/comments/words of guidance?

Love,
Katie

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-15259 Rori Raye Wed, 02 Sep 2009 17:15:42 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-15259 Jennifer, first - Brava to you for being able to see what's going on with you so clearly and for doing the work to change direction...seems to me that since you actually run into him...he's going to see how different you are. If you're happy and have lots of great things going on in your life...that will shine through your face and your vibe...I don't know that you have anything to apologize for except for overfunctioning...but if you feel like that's a good heart-to-heart way to speak, then go ahead. Next time you see him, say "I'm sorry." He may or may not respond. You can also say, "I feel your anger, and I'm sorry. Can we talk?" The thing is --if he's still depressed --wouldn't you be doing better for yourself to really Circular Date and get yourself a man who has the energy to care for YOU? Love, rori Jennifer, first – Brava to you for being able to see what’s going on with you so clearly and for doing the work to change direction…seems to me that since you actually run into him…he’s going to see how different you are. If you’re happy and have lots of great things going on in your life…that will shine through your face and your vibe…I don’t know that you have anything to apologize for except for overfunctioning…but if you feel like that’s a good heart-to-heart way to speak, then go ahead. Next time you see him, say “I’m sorry.” He may or may not respond. You can also say, “I feel your anger, and I’m sorry. Can we talk?” The thing is –if he’s still depressed –wouldn’t you be doing better for yourself to really Circular Date and get yourself a man who has the energy to care for YOU? Love, rori

]]> By: Jennifer http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-15251 Jennifer Wed, 02 Sep 2009 15:04:10 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-15251 I cannot unfortunately afford your program right now but am in desperate need of help. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. At least something to get him to give me a chance and open the lines of communication. I thought about maybe sending a card apologizing for my negative behavior without expecting an apology to show him that I have changed and maybe inspire him to do the same. Sort of an olive branch, so to speak. What do you think? I cannot unfortunately afford your program right now but am in desperate need of help.

Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. At least something to get him to give me a chance and open the lines of communication. I thought about maybe sending a card apologizing for my negative behavior without expecting an apology to show him that I have changed and maybe inspire him to do the same. Sort of an olive branch, so to speak. What do you think?

]]> By: Jennifer http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-15250 Jennifer Wed, 02 Sep 2009 14:59:27 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-15250 I am in a similar situation. My ex was depressed when we broke up and I did everything wrong. I kept trying to help him. Called his doctors demanding they do things for him that he felt they weren't and eventually he withdrew completely from me. He told me he didn't want to burden me with his problems. Trouble is I too have negative patterns of behavior that had been affecting the relationship. I was needy, clingy and controlling. I had low self-esteem so I thought that my only way to be worthy of love was to put others needs before my own, to make others problems mine and when I could not live up to my own high expectations, I got angry at the people around me whom I believed should have been doing more. I overwhelmed myself to the point that despite all my efforts I couldn't help anyone and left myself feeling like a complete failure. I was afraid to be too intimate because I was afraid to be vulnerable so sure I would be let down. And now I have cleared my plate so to speak. I am no longer self-destructive and I want to implement your plan of showing that to my ex so that he can open up to me and let go of his anger. Do you have any suggestions on how I can do this? I had not contacted him for about 3 months now. I wanted to get myself to a place where I did not repeat this negative behaviors before I contacted him again. He has however not spoken to me since we broke up about 5 months ago and he is still angry. Every time I run into him I can see the anger in his face and I want to be able to be someone he can open up to. I am sure though he won't call because my behaviors in the past left him feeling inferior. Can you help me please? I am in a similar situation. My ex was depressed when we broke up and I did everything wrong. I kept trying to help him. Called his doctors demanding they do things for him that he felt they weren’t and eventually he withdrew completely from me. He told me he didn’t want to burden me with his problems. Trouble is I too have negative patterns of behavior that had been affecting the relationship. I was needy, clingy and controlling. I had low self-esteem so I thought that my only way to be worthy of love was to put others needs before my own, to make others problems mine and when I could not live up to my own high expectations, I got angry at the people around me whom I believed should have been doing more. I overwhelmed myself to the point that despite all my efforts I couldn’t help anyone and left myself feeling like a complete failure. I was afraid to be too intimate because I was afraid to be vulnerable so sure I would be let down. And now I have cleared my plate so to speak. I am no longer self-destructive and I want to implement your plan of showing that to my ex so that he can open up to me and let go of his anger. Do you have any suggestions on how I can do this? I had not contacted him for about 3 months now. I wanted to get myself to a place where I did not repeat this negative behaviors before I contacted him again. He has however not spoken to me since we broke up about 5 months ago and he is still angry. Every time I run into him I can see the anger in his face and I want to be able to be someone he can open up to. I am sure though he won’t call because my behaviors in the past left him feeling inferior. Can you help me please?

]]> By: Lin http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/comment-page-1/#comment-8547 Lin Thu, 16 Apr 2009 17:03:45 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=149#comment-8547 Gayle, not all men just want women when they need a nurse... only the player types. pretty sad...... I will get back to you later.. keep laughing... its good for you Lin Gayle, not all men just want women when they need a nurse… only the player types.
pretty sad…… I will get back to you later..
keep laughing… its good for you
Lin

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