Thank you for your reply. He’s now calling me his girlfriend. I’m not sure if it’s just his way of appeasing me, or maybe he’s changing his mind towards me. He’s not really open about it, but he did say that he tries to focus on substance rather than labels. I do know that he has had two failed marriages and a couple of failed relationships in between, so that makes me a little nervous. Maybe I need to look at myself and see why I would be so willing to tolerate this only after a couple of months.

LeAnne

I’ve net a man through eharmony 2 months ago. When he first met me, he said he wasn’t looking for anything long term. We have been seeing a lot of each other, and had recently met a few of his friends. I had mentioned something in front of him about him being in my future and he shoot not to do that because he doesn’t know where he will be..he true to make it into a joke and laughed. I told him that was strike two against him. He also said that he didn’t want me to introduce him as my boyfriend even though we aren’t seeing other people.( part of the strike two). Recently he told me that he learned from his last relationship, that it’s hurtful to not call someone his girlfriend when being exclusive.

My question is am I being an idiot? Are these huge red flags very early on in this relationship? Or is it possible that he really does like me and is changing his ideas about something long term?

Thanks,
LeAnne

So I am back again to ask your advice on something that you don’t seem to talk about much – and that is what to do when you have done the circular dating thing – used all the tools and basically found a man that seems to meet all of your needs and aligns with your values and wants what you want – i feel like everything you have told me I have done and it works its incredible. I still have this issue that there is not the chemistry that there was with my toxic ex – I know I don’t want that – it hurt – he didn’t meet my needs – i know with this new man that he does and now I am freaking out because he doesn’t look like I thought my husband would look – eeeekkk am i really that shallow?? does it even matter. he is just so nice and so comfortable – he listens to me – treats me like gold , connects with me on many different levels. I do like to kiss him and we have not had a sex but there is chemistry and he asks me if I am attracted to him because i said that he is not physically like other men I have dated – i have tried to be really honest without being cruel!! and saying well your balding and you have a tummy and skinny legs!!! i mean how open do i need to be ????!!!! I keep being curious and allowing myself to follow my feelings when I am with him – it all works. I am cautious a little bit because I don;’t want him falling for me if I don’t end up wanting to be with him – he wants marriage and children as I do.

so my question is – when everything works and you get your needs met and still you are not sure – what do i do next?? he wants me to be exclusive and has given me every reason to do that – he is certain of what he wants and how he will treat me, he doesn’t pressure me and totally has accepted the “no girlfriend speech” so what now ? I know it will hurt him if I say that I want to keep dating other men and he has asked about that – i haven’t been on another date in last couple of weeks and he knows that – so what next? I can’t keep him dangling and I don’t want to not date him because he is so lovely but I know my friend that has met him thinks he is a bit dorky and that I could do better looks wise – but like I said to her – how is a hotter guy necessarily going to make a better husband??

aaagghhh – help – I know its a positive situation to be in I am just not sure how to continue circular dating without hurting him in the process.