Comments on: If You’re Attracting Low-Quality Men – Try This

By: alias girl

alias girl — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 20:15:20 +0000

thanks bethany. i loved reading your comment. esp the goddess part. and also the godess being bemused. we are all tranforming ourselves into godesses and queens and princesses and muses and lovely lovely feminine creatures. i also have a late night boundary. mine is with men i just met. no late night calls until we’ve established some sort of relationship. Esp no late night first phnoe calls. and ilve stated this to guys online expressing how i feel uncomfortable with that ans some guys still would call and i wouldn’t even go any further with them or give them a chance. the fact that i expressed AND it seems like a respectful guy who is searching for his queen wouldn’t do that anyway and wouldn’t even need to be told. but i’m trying to set these men up to win with me. and still the toxic ones will do weird bemusing things.

By: Bethany

Bethany — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 01:46:24 +0000

I’m back because I’m feeling low again. I feel obsessed and jealous that he’s out there doing something without me–although I don’t know what he’s doing, maybe he’s at home doing work, I have no idea. But I feel so off balance and this is turning into one hellish Saturday night. I’m wallowing and I don’t want to wallow, I went out to get my food downtown and there were so many people out having a good time and I felt lonely and invisible in my sweatpants and tear-stained glasses. I feel sick to my stomach, and that feels like a quivering ball of jelly and my mouth feels salty and I feel an intense need for something sweet like a chocolate shake or something. That would feel cool and calming going down my throat, all the way to my quivering jelly stomach. That would feel good, and let the tears go like they’re coming now, I feel like I can’t breath enough and I feel so constricted in my throat, I love my stomach it’s just trying to help me through all this, it wants me to feel all its intense feelings, I feel so good that I can feel, it’s so scary but I love it, it’s exciting and it gets me going, it makes me feel intimate with my body, like my stomach is trying to guide me through all this shit, like it says okay we’re here together and I’m where you feel most of your feelings, so we’re going to get through this and I’m not going to leave you ever so I’ll always be here for you to feel what you feel because you are me and I am you and I love you, I love you stomach, I’m sorry I always concentrate on the layer of fat over you that I don’t like but you’ve never steered me wrong, you’ve always let me know when something was off with someone but I sometimes ignore you. I won’t anymore. I love my fat layer too! I love that it’s soft and girly, and that it gives me a rounded shape. I want it to be smaller and I think it agrees with me, it wants to be there–don’t starve me away! It says–but it’s good and it’s feminine and so are my thighs which feel soft and squeezable, and they can clench together so strongly, I must be really strong in my pelvic area, I love my thighs and they want me to take better care of them, so does my back and my arms and my calves and my breasts, they all want me to give them attention and love and accept them for the beautiful objects they are. I was given a pretty sweet deal, I think, I have really attractive hands too, with long graceful fingers and someday on my left ring finger I’m going to have a beautiful engagement ring from a man who wants me so securely and strongly that I will feel amazing and loved, every bit of me, and that will feel…scary…yes, it’s scary! The good things are scary when you’ve never experienced them! It will feel thrilling, that’s a better word, because it will be secure and open and I will be present in my beautiful body with my strong heart and my ability to feel my quivery stomach and love it no matter what, and I’m crying again, oh and I see this guy I’m sort of with now with different eyes, I see him with compassion, I feel bad for him…if he doesn’t see what a great woman I am and he’s not trying to pin me down at every opportunity, then I feel like oh, you poor young thing, I think it would be hard for you, to sort of have this beautiful, goddess creature around you and not know what to do with her. That must feel very frustrating. I hope you figure it out, but as a goddess I don’t do anything but focus on me and my life…what would it feel like to be a goddess? Well, haughty, and confident, and like the bad behavior of clueless men would make me step back, blink my gorgeous eyes and feel nothing more than bemusement for the lack of ability on the part of men who live their lives blind to what I have to offer. But that’s okay, because the universe wants me to be with someone more on my level, who can match my greatness, my power, my passion, my joy, and my joy feels sooooo good, it feels like I just want to writhe around in my chair and kiss every part of me. I am beautiful! Objectively, I am! And inside, I am beautiful! And that scares me, oh that scares me because of the negativity and jealousy I feel from people who feel inadequate around me. Well, I feel for them. I don’t need to take their negativity into my precious, almost telepathic stomach. I feel for them and I wish they could see that I don’t feel any animosity towards them, I don’t want to steal their boyfriends, I don’t want to make them feel less because they are not. I wish them all the love that I know I deserve and will get someday soon, and I wish them joy and peace. I wish them the feelings I am going to achieve, and I feel like crying now with so much love for the world, and I feel like I really am transformative, like I can be the chick in the shell who pecks her way out instead of moving to a bigger shell. I always wear plain, black or gray or dark colors because I want to hide, but I don’t want to hide, I’m not afraid of myself, I’m not afraid of myself, okay I’m afraid of myself, I am afraid of the power that I have to truly affect people because in the past I’ve felt that I only affect people negatively, but what if I could affect people positively? What if everyone I met felt a little bit better after I was gone, not because I’m pandering and making myself super nice–not WORKING TOO HARD FOR LOVE–but because I love myself so fully and that the beauty I have on the outside matches the beautiful feelings I have on the inside? Oh I feel so excited to transform, to be a goddess, to work out and get my body back, to let my hair grow–maybe I’ll dye it dark, maybe leave it blond–and wear high heels and let my hips sway, and tight jeans and beautiful soft wrap dresses and beautiful lingerie and gorgeous bold jewelry and have soft, clear skin and white teeth and to stand up straight and carry myself with dignity and pride, hold my chin up not because I’m faking it but because I am real and earthy and feel what I feel and express it! I want to eat well, fruits and vegetables and natural things that nourish me from the inside out, and my body just shivered–I think it’s saying thank you! I love this! I’m going to shut my phone off and do work on myself for the rest of the night because I have a new boundary: I don’t accept calls from men this late on a Saturday night. He can leave a message. He’s a big boy–or hopefully will be someday! Now I’m going to do that and then put my list up…

By: Bethany

Bethany — Sun, 19 Oct 2008 00:48:34 +0000

Alias Girl, thank you for your post…I want to move on to channeling and I have my list but I still want to make sure I have the riffing down, and I felt pretty much “in my head” all day like you said, and when I read your post I felt the tears just release from my throat. I have been sick with a cough for a few weeks and PMSing so I think it makes my bad feelings more intense, but I feel so lonely. I feel like I’ll never understand why I latch on to men who can’t do the job for me. I feel tears rolling down my face now, my head is pounding, my stomach is just churning. I am afraid that I can’t do this, that I’ll always be invisible to the great men, the Jake Gyllenhaals, the Robert Pattinsons that I want. I feel a ripping and tearing inside me and I have to wait for the take out girl to call me back and tell me my food is ready and I don’t want to be weepy on the phone but I’m not going to stuff it, I feel my body gasping for breaths, I feel soooo disappointed. He texted me last night and said he wanted to do something this weekend and I said yes that would feel nice but it’s Saturday night, and he hasn’t called. I feel stupid for hoping, for getting my hopes up, that feels like embarrassment, like I just want to crawl up under my desk, like my eyebrows pulling together, it hurts, and I want to go blow my nose…I feel exhausted, just depleted, like the only pain I can access is the dull ache behind my forehead, I’m exhausted from hoping that this guy is going to come forward, I feel like I should call him, my mom says I should, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to do any of the chasing, and I want a great guy, a great guy who never lets me forget that he wants me, I felt so weird tonight I saw a car that I thought was his and I sped up in mine to see if he had another girl with him, and that made me feel bad, like chasing, literally! And now I feel like laughing at the ridiculousness of it all, like what am I doing on a Saturday night, weeping over this guy in room? I want a great guy and I want to be highly visible to men and I want to have my pick of great men and I want the right one to claim me and we’ll be happy ever after, that’s what I want, that feels good, like my chest swelling and my breathing slowing down, like my muscles loosening, and suddenly I can be aware of my vagina again, but what if it doesn’t happen? I want it happen though, so much, and who says that it won’t? The gremlin on my shoulder, so here you go, I’m putting you in my pocket with a chocolate chip cookie, and I’m going to go on with thoughts that feel better, like the thought that I will have a great relationship, a great marriage with a fantastic guy who’s stable and adores me and doesn’t keep me off balance, and a good family, and a satisfying career, and bodily health, and an attractive physique, and good teeth and good skin, that feels peaceful, like sparkling blue water sloshing around in me, I’m sitting on a white sand beach and I feel peaceful, and grateful! Gratefulness feels like crying too, but different tears of being so fortunate and having come so very far from the black hole of this stupid town I’m getting the hell out of. I feel determined now, ready to do all the “boy” stuff I have to to get out of here and on with what I deserve!

By: alias girl

alias girl — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 07:08:02 +0000

thank you. i feel so tiny. like a tiny babygirl. yes, i feel i am releasing intense and stuffed trauma baby step by babystep. i feel humble and soft and grateful.i will just keep integrating all these tools into my beingness until they become second nature. GENTLENESS. yes, i really need to remember that. xoxo

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 06:20:14 +0000

Alias Girl – Look – This is the way to do this. I believe you’re sitting on tons of trauma, and please – baby-steps to release it. You can’t go smashing through these defenses without shocking yourself. It actually doesn’t help. It can make things more entrenched. Don’t WRENCH yourself. Just keep doing the little steps, the nice talking to and with yourself, the sensations – you are bouncing from fleeing to fighting and back again, and that’s NORMAL! That’s the way we work things out with ourself and re-organize ourselves.

This is a job for GENTLENESS…..I promise, as you inch forward to GOOD feelings, they will stick with you. You will get triggered and bounce back, but you get to keep the gains you make. NO beating yourself up – not even for beating yourself up. That’s the only rule – Love, Rori

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 06:14:18 +0000

Fantastic, Alias Girl. This “superior” thing is something we ALL have going, and it’s just the flip side of “I’m not good enough.” It’s just another way we have of pushing love away, punishing ourselves and men, dealing with our anger.

Just keep being aware of when it comes up, how you feel, and keep using feeling messages. Love, Rori

By: alias girl

alias girl — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 03:10:33 +0000

…OK continued bc for some reason my last comment just posted itself before i was finished. Probably because I feel so angry (and yet superior) that the computer just short-circuted from all that toxic energy i am sending out and just posted the thing hoping i would then be done and go away.

I feel hopeless. I feel the whole problem lies within me. My inability to be accepting. My excessive need for attention. my narcissism. my being too smart/intuitive/little bit psychic. my lack of patience for crap i used to put up with in my past. my FEARS.

argh. this blows.

anyway, i never finished what i was saying before…despite all the flaws of my ex’s, usually they were Very sweet and accepting of me.

Maybe I didn’t deserve them. I feel i shouldn’t post this here. It’s not going to be helpful for anyone. it’s just whining and self-loathing.

I feel…furrowed brow. which usually means either confusion or anger. i feel…(minutes go by…WHAT DO I FEEL?) I feel…i have no body. i am up in my head. I feel…like i am running out time, behind the curve, missing out. i feel like i am missing out. ok tears. hello tears. i love you so much. you always make me look so pretty once you come out. i feel everyone is getting what they want. having fun. why am I here typing this on a fri nite?) I feel… grateful i never got married and it didn’t work out (madonna, a lot of men i meet online with kids—-ah yes, another reason to be superior at least i never got married and failed. rather than at least they tried.) I feel mean. frowny face. i feel unseen. i wish people knew the cool me. i wish i had a fan club of people who just jumped for joy everytime they saw me. and i was equally excited to see them. and i felt equal to them and we LAUGHED all the time over silly things and planned outlandish things to do with our time. i feel…squinched up face, runny nose, frown. that weird breathing that comes with crying. i feel my toes. hello toes. i haven’t felt your existence all day. i’ve been up in my head all day being a boy. hello breasts. hello vagina. so nice to meet you again. i feel…calmer. i feel more hopeful. i feel like i can keep trying. even though i still feell judgemental towards harmfully clueless or icky people. i feel guilty for that. i feel like a bullet proof plate is over my chest. i feel protected by my superiority. thank you judgements. you are just trying to protect me from getting hurt. bc i am sensitive and getting my feelings hurt hurts worse than a bullet would. and clueless icky people do hurt my feelings if i let them too close. i feel compassion. i feel releasing. i feel tears from my eyes. i feel a desert in my vagina. where is HE? where is HE? i feel hopeless again. i feel like a fool for trying. a fool for believing. what else is there? what else is there if I don’t have dreams and feelings and love? there is nothing else for me. why am i alone? clamped eyes. big swallow. sniffling nose. empty head. yae! like a clear sky in my head. i feel tension in my back right near my spine. HOLD ON TIGHT! is the message and not in a good way. but in a non trusting of the universe way. i feel like i want to stop writing. i don’t know if i made it til the end this time. usually i go all the way til i get to the good feeling but i just feel like stopping. i feel stupid,like this is not the forum for such a lengthy thing to write. stopping. now.

By: alias girl

alias girl — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 02:45:00 +0000

I feel like i can’t do it. it will never happen and it’s bc of me. bc i think/feel i am so superior to most men. seriously. even the ones i end up with i still feel i am superior to them. EXCEPT for in kindness and acceptance. The men I usually choose may be clueless. They may do passive agressive things just to get validation that i still “like” them. (and since I am so superior to them I see right through their passive agressiveness and what they are trying to do that i refuse to give them the response they want. (which is usually me getting angry so they know i’m still “hooked in”. I will tell them. I will show them in what I feel are healthy ways. but negatory on the getting me to REACT

By: Melissa

Melissa — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 12:41:04 +0000

I am definitely going to be doing some searching around on this blog (I just found it yesterday!). You are awesome Rori! Thank you so much!

By: Rori Raye

Rori Raye — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 20:08:34 +0000

Melissa, welcome and – I’m going to be posting a new series on how to “bring the juice back” – so look for it.

Keep working with Modern Siren – Do all the Tools, really PRACTICE on everyone!

What you need to regain here is your Degree of Difficulty – so work with that in the Siren.

Once YOU feel steadier inside, and actually feel like you can walk AWAY from him at any time – use the Feeling Messages to construct some speeches about how you’re feeling, that you “miss the affection and sex, what does he think would help?” – but know that your first step is to build up your self-esteem, so that when you talk with him you feel solid and ready to walk if this isn’t going to work – what we DON’T want is for you to be feeling angry, pent-up with resentment, insecure, weak, whiny, complaining – we want PURE Feeling Messages and a very steady Melissa on the inside.

Let me know how you’re doing, and don’t be in a hurry – you’ve made it through 5 months of this – you’ve got a bit of time to get yourself together, do all these Tools on the blog, and learn the process of how to build your self-esteem and your ability to communicate.

Love, Rori