Comments on: New Questions And Stories From You http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:37:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=2212 By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-51080 Rori Raye Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:54:10 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-51080 Annie - Welcome and thank you so much for your story - I'm going to turn it into a post for you - look for it in a few weeks, in the meantime...whatever's in our histories is in our subconscious and whether we like it or not, it attracts us to men and we are attracted to men who are somehow connected to all those old patterns and issues that we may not even be aware of...What I want to do to help you is to encourage you to get out there and Circular Date - get so many men to practice on, and start becoming more aware of how your subconscious is running you...step-by-step we'll help you. Love, Rori Annie – Welcome and thank you so much for your story – I’m going to turn it into a post for you – look for it in a few weeks, in the meantime…whatever’s in our histories is in our subconscious and whether we like it or not, it attracts us to men and we are attracted to men who are somehow connected to all those old patterns and issues that we may not even be aware of…What I want to do to help you is to encourage you to get out there and Circular Date – get so many men to practice on, and start becoming more aware of how your subconscious is running you…step-by-step we’ll help you. Love, Rori

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-51076 Rori Raye Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:12:25 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-51076 nina, welcome, and you are working way too hard for a man who is not doing the job of being a good relationship partner after 7 years. You should be out Circular Dating and finding yourself a man who will love you forever and treasure you. Love Rori nina, welcome, and you are working way too hard for a man who is not doing the job of being a good relationship partner after 7 years. You should be out Circular Dating and finding yourself a man who will love you forever and treasure you. Love Rori

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-51074 Rori Raye Thu, 29 Jul 2010 19:08:37 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-51074 Sara - it's all in how you express your feelings around what you want and don't want - and being authentic. Compromise and deferring is fine if you're really okay, but if you're not feeling okay - you're pretending and hiding your real self - and that's the problem. How about you ASK him what he thinks about making decisions and the way things go around that - now you'r just guessing! Love Rori Sara – it’s all in how you express your feelings around what you want and don’t want – and being authentic. Compromise and deferring is fine if you’re really okay, but if you’re not feeling okay – you’re pretending and hiding your real self – and that’s the problem. How about you ASK him what he thinks about making decisions and the way things go around that – now you’r just guessing! Love Rori

]]> By: sara http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-51063 sara Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:22:54 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-51063 Thanks for the response. I have a question Rori pease, because this is confsing me. I am not a masculine energy person(I don't think), and I tried this with him, I tried letting himn be in charge and make some decisions. The problem was that the decisions he made were only to his benefit and quite one sided, and he didn't really seem to hear my side. Anyway There were some decisions that I let him have his way, and it was slightly against what I wanted, but I agreed. I noticed that when it came to the next decision, he had lost a bit of respect for me (even though I compromised with him), and he was treating me like I have no other options, and that made me feel bad. so I decided that next time, I will stand my ground on what I want, but again that didn't work, as you see. So what am I missing? I would have compromised with him more if I felt that he would like it, but I was so afraid that he would lose more respect for me and think I will just agree with him on anything as a desperate attempt to get married! i'M CIonfused, I don't know which was right. Please guide me on this so I know what went wrong, thanks, xxx Thanks for the response. I have a question Rori pease, because this is confsing me. I am not a masculine energy person(I don’t think), and I tried this with him, I tried letting himn be in charge and make some decisions. The problem was that the decisions he made were only to his benefit and quite one sided, and he didn’t really seem to hear my side. Anyway There were some decisions that I let him have his way, and it was slightly against what I wanted, but I agreed. I noticed that when it came to the next decision, he had lost a bit of respect for me (even though I compromised with him), and he was treating me like I have no other options, and that made me feel bad. so I decided that next time, I will stand my ground on what I want, but again that didn’t work, as you see. So what am I missing? I would have compromised with him more if I felt that he would like it, but I was so afraid that he would lose more respect for me and think I will just agree with him on anything as a desperate attempt to get married! i’M CIonfused, I don’t know which was right. Please guide me on this so I know what went wrong, thanks, xxx

]]> By: Kate http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-50957 Kate Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:00:44 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-50957 Sara, I agree with Rori. However, your BF sound immature. Cold treatment for two days?!!! No one deserves to be ignored like that. If he is a control freak now, he will be a control freak when you get married. He has to want to change for himself. He will not change for you. Maybe its time if you do some CDing and get him out of your head. Sounds like he doesn't want someone to disagree with him. Yuk! Sara,
I agree with Rori. However, your BF sound immature. Cold treatment for two days?!!! No one deserves to be ignored like that. If he is a control freak now, he will be a control freak when you get married. He has to want to change for himself. He will not change for you. Maybe its time if you do some CDing and get him out of your head. Sounds like he doesn’t want someone to disagree with him. Yuk!

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-50949 Rori Raye Wed, 28 Jul 2010 18:46:43 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-50949 Sara, Welcome, and I know we can all help you here. If what you're saying about yourself is true - then that's where your work is. Forget about him. Until you change what's up with you, this relationship cannot go forward, so step away and focus on you. If you are truly emasculating men - this will follow you into every relationship. Start now to explore how this is happening - start with my ebook - it will help you tremendously to see what's going on here...Love, Rori Sara, Welcome, and I know we can all help you here. If what you’re saying about yourself is true – then that’s where your work is. Forget about him. Until you change what’s up with you, this relationship cannot go forward, so step away and focus on you. If you are truly emasculating men – this will follow you into every relationship. Start now to explore how this is happening – start with my ebook – it will help you tremendously to see what’s going on here…Love, Rori

]]> By: sara http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-50929 sara Wed, 28 Jul 2010 16:01:05 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-50929 Hi Rori, please help! I feel in a bit of a mess. I have lost my ideal man! I think it was due to me being unreasobanle and putting demands on him. You see we were going to get married after 1 year of going out with each other. When we tried to decide on the details, I have not compromised much, e,g, on where to live,etc. He seemed slightly different in the past few weeks, but still intiating contact and wanting to spend time. We had an argument and since then he hasn't called for 3 weeks. I made a mistake and called him one night and told him that we had a connection, and that i missed him (i know i shoudn't have done that). Anyway he told me different things like once he said it wasn't over and he just wanted to give me 1-2 months free from him to think, but then he said he told his family it was over (which crushed me), and then he said he can't satisfy me 100% and only 80% and that i want too much from him (partly true that i asked for a little bit too much), we have spent the past few weeks going back and forth on a few points and I think he just thought that i never compromise at all and gave up, I don't know. He is the type of person who likes to always give direction and ALWAYS gets offended if I say no to what he suggests. In the past when something similar happened he didn't talk to me for 2 days but then called again. When I spoke to him the other night, he said everything with a cold tone as if it didn't matter to him at all. I asked him if he had seen anyone else and he asked me why I wanted to interfere with his private life!!! That really hurt. He was very confusing though, because at one point he suggested to meet up, and at another point he said maybe we should talk more, but I don't know if he was just saying that to spare my feelings. I asked him to be straight with me, and just tell me if it is over for him. He said he didn't want to be the one to end it! Even though he is ending it with his actions! What type of strategy is that? I feel he is a coward and he has just ended things by ignoring me which is not very respectful to me. I just didn't think there was a major problem with our relationship, what we were discussing were just logistical. I feel he has lost the attraction for me but if I knew it was that important for him, I would have done things differently. There was no warning of this! During the conversation he asked me what I bought for his birthday, so the next day I texted him saying I wanted to give his birthday present to him, and that I could meet him somewhere to give it to him, I said 'let me know'. No reply! for 2 days! sofar. I am feeling so hurt and humiliated too now. He mentioned being angry with me when I spoke to him. He alo said that we are good friends and that he also feels a connection with me, but I made him lose confidence in marrying me because I'm too hard to deal with. To be honest this is really hurting because I know that sometimes I can be too hard to deal with and sometimes not very compromising, but on the other hand, he doesn't want to compromise on anything at all either, he wants everything his way. Right now I feel like I really want him back so I can show him that can compromise (I honestly didn't think what we were talking about was that big a deal, it was things like where to live, which area to live in, how to buy a house,etc). He used to text me every morning to say good mornng, then call me every lunchtime, and also every evening we either saw each other or talked. I know that he has lost it for me for whatever reason, is there anyway I can get him back? In the beginning he used to be so into me (I know that happens in the beginning anyway), but I thought we had some deep connection. Even though he is not physically very attractive, and people tell me that I am, I still didn't care. I invested my heart in him, had all future plans, and he encouraged all that by talking about the future all the time, even a week before he started ignoring me! If I didn't see a future with him, and he hadn't made all the promises he did, I would be fine. In the beginning he told me the reason he was so attracted to me was my confidence. In the telephone conversation he said, well women these days are confident and used that as a reason why they can't be happily married. Iknow you talk about leaning back and letting the man make the decisions in your ebook which I've just read. Should I have just let him make all the decisions? The problem is that I'm not even a good decision maker, and I did practically let him make a lot of the decisions. Please help me with all these things, it is running through my mind with no rest and I can't t for me and given up on me. I so want him to call me and to have him back. I feel like I will never meet anyone like him, he ticked a lot of boxes for me, and that has never happened for me before. He also said that it was hard for him too not to see me, but sounded like there was no other choice. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. I know he has been stressed with work lately, but that doesn't explain his behavior. I miss all the attention I got from him, I thought he was my soulmate, we have so many things in common. I have been feeling that maybe I made a mistake and maybe I should have just let him be in charge of all the planning for everything. He ended the call by saying we have to think and I'm not sure he was just saying that not to hurt me. I even cried in that conversation! I know how bad it sounds, I couldn't help it. I know that I have to just not make any contact with him now. Is there any chance he will change his mind? Hi Rori, please help!
I feel in a bit of a mess. I have lost my ideal man! I think it was due to me being unreasobanle and putting demands on him. You see we were going to get married after 1 year of going out with each other. When we tried to decide on the details, I have not compromised much, e,g, on where to live,etc. He seemed slightly different in the past few weeks, but still intiating contact and wanting to spend time. We had an argument and since then he hasn’t called for 3 weeks. I made a mistake and called him one night and told him that we had a connection, and that i missed him (i know i shoudn’t have done that). Anyway he told me different things like once he said it wasn’t over and he just wanted to give me 1-2 months free from him to think, but then he said he told his family it was over (which crushed me), and then he said he can’t satisfy me 100% and only 80% and that i want too much from him (partly true that i asked for a little bit too much), we have spent the past few weeks going back and forth on a few points and I think he just thought that i never compromise at all and gave up, I don’t know. He is the type of person who likes to always give direction and ALWAYS gets offended if I say no to what he suggests. In the past when something similar happened he didn’t talk to me for 2 days but then called again. When I spoke to him the other night, he said everything with a cold tone as if it didn’t matter to him at all. I asked him if he had seen anyone else and he asked me why I wanted to interfere with his private life!!! That really hurt. He was very confusing though, because at one point he suggested to meet up, and at another point he said maybe we should talk more, but I don’t know if he was just saying that to spare my feelings. I asked him to be straight with me, and just tell me if it is over for him. He said he didn’t want to be the one to end it! Even though he is ending it with his actions! What type of strategy is that? I feel he is a coward and he has just ended things by ignoring me which is not very respectful to me. I just didn’t think there was a major problem with our relationship, what we were discussing were just logistical. I feel he has lost the attraction for me but if I knew it was that important for him, I would have done things differently. There was no warning of this! During the conversation he asked me what I bought for his birthday, so the next day I texted him saying I wanted to give his birthday present to him, and that I could meet him somewhere to give it to him, I said ‘let me know’. No reply! for 2 days! sofar. I am feeling so hurt and humiliated too now. He mentioned being angry with me when I spoke to him. He alo said that we are good friends and that he also feels a connection with me, but I made him lose confidence in marrying me because I’m too hard to deal with. To be honest this is really hurting because I know that sometimes I can be too hard to deal with and sometimes not very compromising, but on the other hand, he doesn’t want to compromise on anything at all either, he wants everything his way. Right now I feel like I really want him back so I can show him that can compromise (I honestly didn’t think what we were talking about was that big a deal, it was things like where to live, which area to live in, how to buy a house,etc). He used to text me every morning to say good mornng, then call me every lunchtime, and also every evening we either saw each other or talked. I know that he has lost it for me for whatever reason, is there anyway I can get him back? In the beginning he used to be so into me (I know that happens in the beginning anyway), but I thought we had some deep connection. Even though he is not physically very attractive, and people tell me that I am, I still didn’t care. I invested my heart in him, had all future plans, and he encouraged all that by talking about the future all the time, even a week before he started ignoring me! If I didn’t see a future with him, and he hadn’t made all the promises he did, I would be fine. In the beginning he told me the reason he was so attracted to me was my confidence. In the telephone conversation he said, well women these days are confident and used that as a reason why they can’t be happily married. Iknow you talk about leaning back and letting the man make the decisions in your ebook which I’ve just read. Should I have just let him make all the decisions? The problem is that I’m not even a good decision maker, and I did practically let him make a lot of the decisions.
Please help me with all these things, it is running through my mind with no rest and I can’t t for me and given up on me. I so want him to call me and to have him back. I feel like I will never meet anyone like him, he ticked a lot of boxes for me, and that has never happened for me before. He also said that it was hard for him too not to see me, but sounded like there was no other choice. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I know he has been stressed with work lately, but that doesn’t explain his behavior. I miss all the attention I got from him, I thought he was my soulmate, we have so many things in common. I have been feeling that maybe I made a mistake and maybe I should have just let him be in charge of all the planning for everything. He ended the call by saying we have to think and I’m not sure he was just saying that not to hurt me. I even cried in that conversation! I know how bad it sounds, I couldn’t help it. I know that I have to just not make any contact with him now. Is there any chance he will change his mind?

]]> By: Annie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-50911 Annie Wed, 28 Jul 2010 06:32:39 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-50911 Dear Rori I can't wait to get the copy of The Modern Siren Program I just ordered because I love your approach on relationships and womens issues therein but in the meantime; I would love if you could help me with an issue. I am a 34 year old single mom and I have been dating for the past 6 years. My relationships have never developed past the point of a casual "dating/friendship" rarely involving sex but a few of them have. They never seem to go deeper and they certainly never go anywhere if I tell the man I'm dating that I like to wait a bit to have sex, so that we can get to know eachother. I consider myself to be attractive and am frequently told I am. I am especiallly told by men that I am sexy. I have been attractive to men since I was a girl and got undesired attention and was consequently molested on several occasions by different people and eventually raped as an adolescent. I have spent time working on those traumas and feel as though i have resolved many issues but lately I'm feeling completely objectified by men. As though they can't see me as a person with real feelings who deserves to be respected but view me as some sex kitten. I also fear that I am subconsciously attracting this type of attention/man or being hypersensitive to their reactions to me. They frequently allude to sex prematurely (after the 1st date) and often dissapear when I mention I like to take time to get to know someone before sex. Its as though they are shocked that I would suggest such a thing. I was even told by a man after a date with him tonight that I was throwing seductive glances at him. I swear I was doing nothing other than listen attentively to what he was saying and smiling! How do I stop this and if the case is that I'm attracting this type of man based on my history how can I chage it? Please help, I just want to meet someone who loves and respects me as a person and would never hurt me by treating me like a plaything. Sincerely Annie Dear Rori
I can’t wait to get the copy of The Modern Siren Program I just ordered because I love your approach on relationships and womens issues therein but in the meantime; I would love if you could help me with an issue.

I am a 34 year old single mom and I have been dating for the past 6 years. My relationships have never developed past the point of a casual “dating/friendship” rarely involving sex but a few of them have. They never seem to go deeper and they certainly never go anywhere if I tell the man I’m dating that I like to wait a bit to have sex, so that we can get to know eachother.

I consider myself to be attractive and am frequently told I am. I am especiallly told by men that I am sexy. I have been attractive to men since I was a girl and got undesired attention and was consequently molested on several occasions by different people and eventually raped as an adolescent. I have spent time working on those traumas and feel as though i have resolved many issues but lately I’m feeling completely objectified by men. As though they can’t see me as a person with real feelings who deserves to be respected but view me as some sex kitten. I also fear that I am subconsciously attracting this type of attention/man or being hypersensitive to their reactions to me.

They frequently allude to sex prematurely (after the 1st date) and often dissapear when I mention I like to take time to get to know someone before sex. Its as though they are shocked that I would suggest such a thing. I was even told by a man after a date with him tonight that I was throwing seductive glances at him. I swear I was doing nothing other than listen attentively to what he was saying and smiling!

How do I stop this and if the case is that I’m attracting this type of man based on my history how can I chage it?

Please help, I just want to meet someone who loves and respects me as a person and would never hurt me by treating me like a plaything.

Sincerely

Annie

]]> By: nina http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-50873 nina Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:26:12 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-50873 Hi Rori, I am writing you in desperate need of your expertise. I have been in an on again off again relationship with my child's Father for 7 years now. I recently found out (and have hard evidence) that he has been sneaking around having long phone conversations with my best friends sister, when I confronted them in regards to the situation they both denied any involvement with one another (this was before I had the phone records). Now that I have these records i want to be sure that I confront him in an apropriate and lady like (non-crazy) manner (without him feeling attacked, so he can tell me what he feels and knows). PLEASE send me your feedback a.s.a.p. Hi Rori, I am writing you in desperate need of your expertise. I have been in an on again off again relationship with my child’s Father for 7 years now. I recently found out (and have hard evidence) that he has been sneaking around having long phone conversations with my best friends sister, when I confronted them in regards to the situation they both denied any involvement with one another (this was before I had the phone records). Now that I have these records i want to be sure that I confront him in an apropriate and lady like (non-crazy) manner (without him feeling attacked, so he can tell me what he feels and knows). PLEASE send me your feedback a.s.a.p.

]]> By: Big Green Eyes http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/comment-page-35/#comment-50864 Big Green Eyes Tue, 27 Jul 2010 22:02:38 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=704#comment-50864 Hi Rori, I read and re read your comments about my being attracted to "toxic men" ,and how I don;t know how it really is supposed to feel being in a healthy relationship with a good and caring man who is ready, willing and able to give love and commitment. My particular problem is that I am attracted to soooo few men. I'm not exactly a baby anymore, been married once a long time ago, and divorced for many years. The last relationship took me by a storm. I had been alone for a while and by chance I met this man whom I was soooo attracted to. It knocked me over! As the French say "coup de foudre" (hope my spelling is correct). I sort of knew in my inner guts that this was just to be a diversion, but the sex was off the charts (especially when I've been alone for a long time). As I mentioned, I'm no kid but I'm told I'm an extremely good looking woman, also educated and I hope a decent human being. I just feel that the population of men who are "age appropriate" for me is very slim pickings for someone attractive, available, decent and with his act together (head together too). I'm not into dating men who are considerably younger. I will go out tomorrow nite with a man I went out with 2 times and rejected him because he "wasn't exciting (too fat) but even though I have the feeling he is an extremely nice human being. I feel so hopeless that at this stage of my life I have to learn a new language and approach to men. I even have to educate myself about my attraction to them. Isn't attraction something that is chemical? I always thought it was either there, or it wasn't. I really appreciate your work and think it is practical and brilliant. I am not a quitter! Thanks, Big Green Eyes Hi Rori,
I read and re read your comments about my being attracted to “toxic men” ,and how I don;t know how it really is supposed to feel being in a healthy relationship with a good and caring man who is ready, willing and able to give love and commitment. My particular problem is that I am attracted to soooo few men. I’m not exactly a baby anymore, been married once a long time ago, and divorced for many years.

The last relationship took me by a storm. I had been alone for a while and by chance I met this man whom I was soooo attracted to. It knocked me over! As the French say “coup de foudre” (hope my spelling is correct). I sort of knew in my inner guts that this was just to be a diversion, but the sex was off the charts (especially when I’ve been alone for a long time). As I mentioned, I’m no kid but I’m told I’m an extremely good looking woman, also educated and I hope a decent human being. I just feel that the population of men who are “age appropriate” for me is very slim pickings for someone attractive, available, decent and with his act together (head together too). I’m not into dating men who are considerably younger.

I will go out tomorrow nite with a man I went out with 2 times and rejected him because he “wasn’t exciting (too fat) but even though I have the feeling he is an extremely nice human being. I feel so hopeless that at this stage of my life I have to learn a new language and approach to men. I even have to educate myself about my attraction to them. Isn’t attraction something that is chemical? I always thought it was either there, or it wasn’t.

I really appreciate your work and think it is practical and brilliant. I am not a quitter! Thanks, Big Green Eyes

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