Comments on: When Your Boyfriend Wants Space – Focus on YOU http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/ Marriage & Relationship Advice From Rori Raye Sat, 31 Jul 2010 00:37:58 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=7785 By: Daria http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-50966 Daria Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:54:22 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-50966 Debbie - Rori told you to Circular Date so you can reconnect with THIS man (and there will be others along the way). One of the results will be that THIS man will step up to claim you if he has it in him. If you'd like to interact, post on the front page posts at blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com Debbie – Rori told you to Circular Date so you can reconnect with THIS man (and there will be others along the way).

One of the results will be that THIS man will step up to claim you if he has it in him.

If you’d like to interact, post on the front page posts at

blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com

]]> By: Debbie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-50965 Debbie Wed, 28 Jul 2010 19:47:18 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-50965 Hello everyone, it's me again, Rori says I should interact on here non-stop, so here I am. My problem is that I don't want to date anyone else. I wouldn't say that I have a self-esteem problem either. I'm a woman who knows what (who) she wants. In the beginning of our relationship I did get all those things. He adored me and wanted me, I felt secure. He treated me like a Queen. During the last year his feelings for me started to slip away. I want all those things back. If he has already made up his mind and stops calling me, well, I don't know what I'll do. I want to reconnect with THIS man. Help! Hello everyone, it’s me again,

Rori says I should interact on here non-stop, so here I am.

My problem is that I don’t want to date anyone else. I wouldn’t say that I have a self-esteem problem either. I’m a woman who knows what (who) she wants. In the beginning of our relationship I did get all those things. He adored me and wanted me, I felt secure. He treated me like a Queen. During the last year his feelings for me started to slip away. I want all those things back. If he has already made up his mind and stops calling me, well, I don’t know what I’ll do. I want to reconnect with THIS man. Help!

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-50952 Rori Raye Wed, 28 Jul 2010 18:49:28 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-50952 Debbie - after six years of this...your only workable strategy is to Circular Date. I mean it...it's the ONLY way...I would recommend you go all stops out and get Modern Siren and Targeting Mr. Right and talk and interact on here non-stop until you learn Feeling Messages and get some boundaries and self-esteem. You can do it...you have to focus on YOU - and then all KINDS of men will come running (him, too - but you may not want him after you get a taste of what it feels like to be adored and wanted and secure and committed. Love Rori Debbie – after six years of this…your only workable strategy is to Circular Date. I mean it…it’s the ONLY way…I would recommend you go all stops out and get Modern Siren and Targeting Mr. Right and talk and interact on here non-stop until you learn Feeling Messages and get some boundaries and self-esteem. You can do it…you have to focus on YOU – and then all KINDS of men will come running (him, too – but you may not want him after you get a taste of what it feels like to be adored and wanted and secure and committed. Love Rori

]]> By: Debbie http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-50927 Debbie Wed, 28 Jul 2010 15:54:01 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-50927 Hi Rori, I've read your "How to get the Relationship You Want" and I've done a lot of soul searching. I'm willing to committ 100%. Also, I just got "Reconnect your Relationship" last night and started listening to it on my way to work this morning. This is the man I want for the rest of my life. He has been my boyfriend for 6 years and told me 3 weeks ago that he needed some space, that he was feeling smothered. He's called me every other day or so since then, but the conversations are very short and rather meaningless. He just called me again, here at work, casually asking how I was doing, asking about a legal problem I'm having and asking about my children. Then he says to me: "I Love you, but I just didn't like the way things were going." It's not the first time I've heard him say that. It sounds so final-I'm terrified of losing him. I'm so afraid of saying the wrong thing, all I could come up with was "I don't think work is the right place to discuss this." I feel him slipping away and I'm desperate for that little connection that will continue to give me hope that its not completely over even though I can hear it in his voice. I don't know what to say to him when he calls. Also, a few months ago we bought concert tickets. The concert is in two weeks. I don't know if he still intends on going and I'm afraid to ask him. More afraid he'll say 'no' and my little bit of hope will go right out the window. Do I wait until he calls again to ask him, do I call him, do I assume he's not going? I've got a girlfriend who really wants it, but if he still wants to go, I'd rather go with him. If you could give me some quick tips to do NOW, I feel like I can't listen to you CD's fast enough. Thank you - feeling desperate! Hi Rori,
I’ve read your “How to get the Relationship You Want” and I’ve done a lot of soul searching. I’m willing to committ 100%. Also, I just got “Reconnect your Relationship” last night and started listening to it on my way to work this morning. This is the man I want for the rest of my life.

He has been my boyfriend for 6 years and told me 3 weeks ago that he needed some space, that he was feeling smothered. He’s called me every other day or so since then, but the conversations are very short and rather meaningless. He just called me again, here at work, casually asking how I was doing, asking about a legal problem I’m having and asking about my children. Then he says to me: “I Love you, but I just didn’t like the way things were going.” It’s not the first time I’ve heard him say that. It sounds so final-I’m terrified of losing him. I’m so afraid of saying the wrong thing, all I could come up with was “I don’t think work is the right place to discuss this.” I feel him slipping away and I’m desperate for that little connection that will continue to give me hope that its not completely over even though I can hear it in his voice. I don’t know what to say to him when he calls.

Also, a few months ago we bought concert tickets. The concert is in two weeks. I don’t know if he still intends on going and I’m afraid to ask him. More afraid he’ll say ‘no’ and my little bit of hope will go right out the window. Do I wait until he calls again to ask him, do I call him, do I assume he’s not going? I’ve got a girlfriend who really wants it, but if he still wants to go, I’d rather go with him.

If you could give me some quick tips to do NOW, I feel like I can’t listen to you CD’s fast enough.
Thank you – feeling desperate!

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-49382 Rori Raye Thu, 15 Jul 2010 01:09:27 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-49382 Flo - welcome, and GET OUT OF THERE! This is a destructive, disfunctional, awful situation. You need to work on YOU and turn around how you came to be in an emotional place where you would tolerate that for 2 seconds!!! We'll help you get the emotional stability and self-esteem you need to deal with your anger and get moving towards what will make you HAPPY!! This will NOT! Love, Rori Flo – welcome, and GET OUT OF THERE! This is a destructive, disfunctional, awful situation. You need to work on YOU and turn around how you came to be in an emotional place where you would tolerate that for 2 seconds!!! We’ll help you get the emotional stability and self-esteem you need to deal with your anger and get moving towards what will make you HAPPY!! This will NOT! Love, Rori

]]> By: Flo http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-49285 Flo Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:19:37 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-49285 Rori, hi, When a man says he needs space, & says "it has every bit to do with you, yet nothing to do with you" ....What does one do?? I have read a lot of your stories, & such , have gotten some good advice, tried some of the advice but am still so confused.. my ex & I were together for over 2 years, we split over 4 months ago, it was a very confusing split, it was more or less left at he didn't know what else to do, (easy way out I told him) he didn't want to be with any one else, he didn't know what he would do if I was out of his life completely,,had to get things back in order with his kids, I did tell him , if he thinks getting rid of me was going to solve his issues, he may want to rethink his methods,,,lots of emotions observed obviously on both sides , he was crying, I was crying , it was kinda like I was just hangin there ,,,, he acted the way I felt... very heartbreaking I think , on both sides,, there was nothing wrong with our relationship, in fact it was great, without going into too much detail, it is a very confusing story ,almost unbelievable , his sister ( a 20+ year friend of mine) turned the entire family against me, for what reasons I do not know,, so it made it impossible for he & I to be together around his family & children. I lived with him for a year & a half before we agreed I needed to leave the property, his family treated him awful because he was with me,,When I say ,, I did nothing wrong,, I swear to you,, I did nothing wrong,, I was a victim in these games.. I had the worst Valentines day,, he went over to his fathers house where his children, family & our friends were,,, but I was left at his house for a couple of hours,, I couldn't go next door, for I would have ruined the day for the kids (sometimes I wish I knew then, I tell ya-I would have went over there just for the hell of it!!) he did not come home until he saw me packing my stuff in my vehicle. The worst part was that they did these things on purpose too.. they know how to play the games,, they excluded him, would not invite him to family gatherings if I was around, if I did talk him in to taking me, hmm, a pin would drop, no one would talk or acknowledge me or any thing, rude nasty looks & comments, if they even looked at me, if I said hello, I was plain outright ignored, etc etc, and if his children were around , the mom or sister would scoup and run with the kids as soon as they saw me, so it made things very uncomfortable, not worth it most times, so the wedge between us grew bigger & bigger,, I do not know which was worse, the sister, the ex or the mom,,,I don't even think they know why they don't like me!! I was just an excuse, some one to blame every thing on.. the drama,,well, I allowed him to fight the battle, since it was his family, but they turned him into an outcast, they treated him as a traitor, a turncoat to the family,,, is what they called him, the fights even became physical, threats were made behind my back, so he never knew what to expect from them,, I think he was actually fearful of my safety,,so because he witnessed what was going on, & took my side because he knew!! period!!! they turned on him, so the only way to make it easier on him , as I told him was to "reward them for their ill behavior by continuiously giving them their way, again" 'right!!' . They won "they got me out of the picture". The only communication I have had with him is to get my belongings ( a large item-he was still using) that was left at his house, I did not want to go on to the property after feeling so humiliated, and heart broken,, the family lives on the same property in different houses of course but all right there..well long story short, "I" contacted him,, and we hooked up. Now,, I was so angry when we split that I told him I was not his booty call, that I didn't want to be his friend, and it was left at that. When "I" contacted him, he was very interested,, of course.. but I don't know, I want to be with him, but I don't want to deal with his baggage, not sure how it will work any ways,, I don't have a problem at the moment with not being involved with his family & children, (now) (I only want him) my children are grown , his is not,, I am unsure myself what I want right now, but I am not really sure I want a relationship "for say" with him or any one, but yet as with any one, I need some one to talk to to laugh with me to hold me once in a while too,, what should I do,, I do still want to be with him in a relationship , but am fine with being single,, I was alone for over 2 years before I hooked up with him. Even tho he had a hard time expressing his feelings, I know he cares very deeply for me, and all this was as hard on him as me, sooo , I guess maybe I just need some sort of advice ,,. I guess, I don't know if I am hoping he will grow a pair and follow his heart or if I just want to fill the void right now, til some one else comes along?, obviously at this point, I do not know what he thinks, and the last time I asked how he felt & that I could feel he was pulling away from me , because I knew something was wrong, and the breakup is what I got out of it?? sooo, I am so very confused..thanks Rori, hi, When a man says he needs space, & says “it has every bit to do with you, yet nothing to do with you” ….What does one do?? I have read a lot of your stories, & such , have gotten some good advice, tried some of the advice but am still so confused.. my ex & I were together for over 2 years, we split over 4 months ago, it was a very confusing split, it was more or less left at he didn’t know what else to do, (easy way out I told him) he didn’t want to be with any one else, he didn’t know what he would do if I was out of his life completely,,had to get things back in order with his kids, I did tell him , if he thinks getting rid of me was going to solve his issues, he may want to rethink his methods,,,lots of emotions observed obviously on both sides , he was crying, I was crying , it was kinda like I was just hangin there ,,,, he acted the way I felt… very heartbreaking I think , on both sides,, there was nothing wrong with our relationship, in fact it was great, without going into too much detail, it is a very confusing story ,almost unbelievable , his sister ( a 20+ year friend of mine) turned the entire family against me, for what reasons I do not know,, so it made it impossible for he & I to be together around his family & children. I lived with him for a year & a half before we agreed I needed to leave the property, his family treated him awful because he was with me,,When I say ,, I did nothing wrong,, I swear to you,, I did nothing wrong,, I was a victim in these games.. I had the worst Valentines day,, he went over to his fathers house where his children, family & our friends were,,, but I was left at his house for a couple of hours,, I couldn’t go next door, for I would have ruined the day for the kids (sometimes I wish I knew then, I tell ya-I would have went over there just for the hell of it!!) he did not come home until he saw me packing my stuff in my vehicle. The worst part was that they did these things on purpose too.. they know how to play the games,, they excluded him, would not invite him to family gatherings if I was around, if I did talk him in to taking me, hmm, a pin would drop, no one would talk or acknowledge me or any thing, rude nasty looks & comments, if they even looked at me, if I said hello, I was plain outright ignored, etc etc, and if his children were around , the mom or sister would scoup and run with the kids as soon as they saw me, so it made things very uncomfortable, not worth it most times, so the wedge between us grew bigger & bigger,, I do not know which was worse, the sister, the ex or the mom,,,I don’t even think they know why they don’t like me!! I was just an excuse, some one to blame every thing on.. the drama,,well, I allowed him to fight the battle, since it was his family, but they turned him into an outcast, they treated him as a traitor, a turncoat to the family,,, is what they called him, the fights even became physical, threats were made behind my back, so he never knew what to expect from them,, I think he was actually fearful of my safety,,so because he witnessed what was going on, & took my side because he knew!! period!!! they turned on him, so the only way to make it easier on him , as I told him was to “reward them for their ill behavior by continuiously giving them their way, again” ‘right!!’ . They won “they got me out of the picture”. The only communication I have had with him is to get my belongings ( a large item-he was still using) that was left at his house, I did not want to go on to the property after feeling so humiliated, and heart broken,, the family lives on the same property in different houses of course but all right there..well long story short, “I” contacted him,, and we hooked up. Now,, I was so angry when we split that I told him I was not his booty call, that I didn’t want to be his friend, and it was left at that. When “I” contacted him, he was very interested,, of course.. but I don’t know, I want to be with him, but I don’t want to deal with his baggage, not sure how it will work any ways,, I don’t have a problem at the moment with not being involved with his family & children, (now) (I only want him) my children are grown , his is not,, I am unsure myself what I want right now, but I am not really sure I want a relationship “for say” with him or any one, but yet as with any one, I need some one to talk to to laugh with me to hold me once in a while too,, what should I do,, I do still want to be with him in a relationship , but am fine with being single,, I was alone for over 2 years before I hooked up with him. Even tho he had a hard time expressing his feelings, I know he cares very deeply for me, and all this was as hard on him as me, sooo , I guess maybe I just need some sort of advice ,,. I guess, I don’t know if I am hoping he will grow a pair and follow his heart or if I just want to fill the void right now, til some one else comes along?, obviously at this point, I do not know what he thinks, and the last time I asked how he felt & that I could feel he was pulling away from me , because I knew something was wrong, and the breakup is what I got out of it?? sooo, I am so very confused..thanks

]]> By: Kay http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-48265 Kay Sat, 03 Jul 2010 21:02:38 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-48265 I agree with Rori - just tooooo plain weird, get yrself a proper man who at least wants to pump his stuff with you in a loving way - which includes 'fluids'. xxxx I agree with Rori – just tooooo plain weird, get yrself a proper man who at least wants to pump his stuff with you in a loving way – which includes ‘fluids’. xxxx

]]> By: Rori Raye http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-48232 Rori Raye Sat, 03 Jul 2010 16:18:31 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-48232 Florence, Welcome - and GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN!!!! He has serious, serious problems - a man who cannot kiss you or hold your hand has issues you cannot handle - unless you're happy to just have a friend. I do not know if he had these same issues with that girlfriend - but you don't say she was his WIFE - so my guess is he either doesn't love you like he loved her - or his problems are insurmountable. Love, Rori Florence, Welcome – and GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN!!!! He has serious, serious problems – a man who cannot kiss you or hold your hand has issues you cannot handle – unless you’re happy to just have a friend. I do not know if he had these same issues with that girlfriend – but you don’t say she was his WIFE – so my guess is he either doesn’t love you like he loved her – or his problems are insurmountable. Love, Rori

]]> By: Florence http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-48147 Florence Thu, 01 Jul 2010 22:49:33 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-48147 Hi, I am with a 99.9% wonderful man. I love him with all my heart and have never loved a man like I love this one. Problem is when I met him he had been involved with someone for 20+ years at the time she was ill and later passed. I have been with this man almost 3 years and he is still telling me he us not ready to commit. Reason is (I assume) that he is still getting over his late girlfriend I do believe he cares and sometimes (when has had a few) he tells me how much he loves me but is still not ready to make me his "lady". I am very free spirited and do not sit around waiting for him to call. The ironic thing is when he can't reach me he starts to panic and has even shown jealousy. He also cant kiss me besides a dry kiss, he cant share bodily fluids (when we make love) he holds back his semen and he cant hold my hand he says that romantic kissing is still too intimate to share with me and he is not ready to hold my hand.As for the bodily fluids, I guess this is also too intimate for him to share. We are both in our late 50's. Does this man really care for me or is he just lonely and using me to pass the time? Will he ever be able to share his love with someone again? He also has had other bad romantic experiences in his past. He is a leo and I am a sagittarius. Hi,
I am with a 99.9% wonderful man. I love him with all my heart and have never loved a man like I love this one. Problem is when I met him he had been involved with someone for 20+ years at the time she was ill and later passed. I have been with this man almost 3 years and he is still telling me he us not ready to commit. Reason is (I assume) that he is still getting over his late girlfriend I do believe he cares and sometimes (when has had a few) he tells me how much he loves me but is still not ready to make me his “lady”. I am very free spirited and do not sit around waiting for him to call. The ironic thing is when he can’t reach me he starts to panic and has even shown jealousy. He also cant kiss me besides a dry kiss, he cant share bodily fluids (when we make love) he holds back his semen and he cant hold my hand he says that romantic kissing is still too intimate to share with me and he is not ready to hold my hand.As for the bodily fluids, I guess this is also too intimate for him to share. We are both in our late 50′s. Does this man really care for me or is he just lonely and using me to pass the time? Will he ever be able to share his love with someone again? He also has had other bad romantic experiences in his past. He is a leo and I am a sagittarius.

]]> By: Kay http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/when-your-boyfriend-wants-space-focus-on-you/comment-page-4/#comment-47850 Kay Mon, 28 Jun 2010 10:20:13 +0000 http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/?p=151#comment-47850 I fell in love with him because he was so emotionally supportive and funny AND a great love maker. He used to tell me how much he loved me and adored me but it was because I was 'down' all the time that he needed space, he didnt know who I was. He used to tell his mum stuff about me and of course she wd support him and say 'if yr not happy then come home' so in the end he did, leaving me feeling like 'I' ruined the whole relationship cos I was 'down'. I guess the whole love thing was a lie then? I had never known such love, that's sad so I guess I dont believe in better, plus I beleive we have a strong connection. Am I deluded? He made me feel I wasnt good enough yet I did everything for him. His mum was able to make him feel safer with her rather than I could make him feel safe cos I can't make myself feel safe I guess. I feel shit. I fell in love with him because he was so emotionally supportive and funny AND a great love maker. He used to tell me how much he loved me and adored me but it was because I was ‘down’ all the time that he needed space, he didnt know who I was. He used to tell his mum stuff about me and of course she wd support him and say ‘if yr not happy then come home’ so in the end he did, leaving me feeling like ‘I’ ruined the whole relationship cos I was ‘down’. I guess the whole love thing was a lie then? I had never known such love, that’s sad so I guess I dont believe in better, plus I beleive we have a strong connection. Am I deluded? He made me feel I wasnt good enough yet I did everything for him. His mum was able to make him feel safer with her rather than I could make him feel safe cos I can’t make myself feel safe I guess. I feel shit.

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