How To Use A Chair To Bring Him Closer! – Video

By Rori Raye

Note: To get to the How To Get The Commitment You Want Live Masterclass/Workshop on Sunday the 23rd – go here:

I wanted to actually show you how to do this – so here’s a video!

And here’s the Transcript in words!:

I’ve got a big, comfy chair here. This is my office chair.  You might have a dining room chair, or a favorite chair.

Use a favorite chair, but it has to have a back, and the back has to be high enough to go at least up to your neck, up to the top of your back, so you can feel it, and it has to feel steady.

Okay, now, I want you to imagine that your man’s right in front of you there, he’s really in front of you. Okay?

So he’s starting something that’s making you feel tense, right?

So now I want you to lean, push your upper body back into this chair.  Just lean away from him with all your might. Just  lean away, pull away from him.

And, Lean back into this chair. Feel the chair. Feel its awesomeness. Feel the strength. Feel the support of it. Feel the love of it.

And just lean back into the chair and practice starting to talk.

Say, Hi, the day feels so awesome. Oh, I’m feeling cranky. Oh, I need to go sit down. I can feel myself getting faint…I can feel I don’t want to talk. I feel a fight coming on. I don’t want to fight…

Whatever you want to say, it doesn’t matter at this point. Let’s not worry about words.

But as you’re saying it to the man in front of you, I want you just to find yourself pulling back into this chair as deep as you can.

The concept is that you’re creating space with him.

He doesn’t have to create space by starting a fight anymore.

You’re creating the space, and you’re not doing it out of anger. You’re just pulling back, and as you pull back, you will automatically begin to pull him toward you.

You’ll begin to see him following you around the room!

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Why Do Guys Shut Down?

By Rori Raye

I just got this in my email from my husband, Jeffrey Mark Levine, and it’s pretty heart-piercing stuff…with some serious answers.

If you’d like to get Jeffrey’s free advice newsletters and blog posts like this for yourself, you can get them here->

From Jeffrey:

“I’ll start with why I used to shut down.

It’s only with years of working on myself, and practicing new habits that I can speak about it with some clarity. So, here’s my current understanding of “old me.”

All I’m feeling is anger and I’m afraid to dig underneath to figure out why.

I’m scared of my anger because in my family of origin, I saw no examples of anger being expressed healthily.

I could use my silence as a weapon, to keep my partner unsure of what was going on with me.

I really had no clue what was going on internally. I just knew I needed to isolate.

I was depressed, and when I was faced with difficult feelings that I didn’t understand, shutting down seemed like the best option – which would lead to a cycle of depression-shutting down-depression, etc.

I didn’t feel safe to express what was going on with me, even when I had an inkling of what the problem was

Once I was able to speak, it would often come out as blame, sarcasm, defensiveness, deflection, avoidance or attack.

Why am I telling you this?

Because in my practice, I recognize this behavior in my clients.

Guys are worse, for sure, than women, at navigating tough feelings.

And I’m going to venture a guess, if you’re reading this (and you’re on my email list), it’s because some of this rings true – either for you, or for your partner.

Before I was married (and even early in my marriage), these situations would snowball. Because my partners weren’t skilled either.

What is the skill I’m talking about? Reconnection. After disconnection.

There was so much ego involved. We want to be seen as “right.”

Completely forgetting about the other person, over there who is also going through something difficult.

Completely forgetting about the relationship and what it takes to nurture closeness and connection.

So, what happened with me?

A lot of things – too many to go into in a reasonable amount of time here. (Though if you have specific questions, please write to me and I’ll go into more detail.)

The skill needed to reconnect after a disconnection is one you’ve probably heard of, “Holding Space.”

Here’s a clear definition of Holding Space: “Creating a supportive and non-judgmental environment for the other person to express themselves.”

The opposite of Holding Space is defending and explaining. (I’ll go deeper on “defending and explaining” in a future newsletter.)

So, how do you create a supportive and non-judgmental environment?

With your words.

By saying things like: “I care about what you’re going through.”

“Feel free to share as much or as little as you’re comfortable with.”

And things like: “I’m here to support you in any way you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

And then stopping. Don’t say anything else afterwards. Let those words hang in the air and sink in.

Invariably I get the question: “Why should I do that if he won’t do that for me?”

Fair question. And I can’t answer that for everyone reading this, for every situation.

However, I know this: changed behavior has to come from somewhere in order to create the change in the relationship.

Since you’re reading this, I know that you’re interested and willing to figure out how to shift things.

For sure, this won’t fix everything. It’s a door in. A step forward.

By choosing to handle things differently, you’re saying the status quo is no longer an option.

At the end of every newsletter I invite you to reach out, tell me your story, ask me your questions. Not a lot of people do that. But the offer still stands.

Until next time,

Jeffrey

P.S. If you have a topic or question you’d like me to cover, please tell me about it. I’m committed to making these emails valuable for you.

____________________________________________________________

And when you’re ready, here are some ways I can help you >>

If you’re in pain and frustrated and not sure what to do next, I offer Urgent Care coaching – I can usually meet with you within 24-48 hours. Book an appointment now.

Some couples are ready to jump in and begin the healing together. If that’s you (and your partner), book a Free Discovery Call and let’s create a custom coaching program, tailored to your specific needs.

Riding the Love Train: Transforming Anger into Compassion

By Rori Raye

In our chaotic world, anger and frustration make it easy to feel overwhelmed.

However, a powerful approach can help transform these negative emotions into something far more beneficial—compassion.

We can cultivate a more harmonious existence by viewing life through the lens of love.

So let’s get on the “Love Train” and stay there ! – turning anger into compassion.

The Love Train Metaphor

Imagine love as paint that covers everything around you.

Just as paint transforms the appearance of a surface, love can transform your perspective on life.

When we stay present with ourselves and paint our experiences with love, we shift our energy towards positivity and openness.

This simple metaphor can be a guiding principle in our daily lives.

Life’s Perspective: Friend, Foe, or Neutral?

A fundamental question to ask yourself is how you perceive life>

Do you see it as a friend, a neutral entity, or an enemy?

This overarching philosophy significantly impacts how we navigate our emotions.

If you believe life is your enemy, you constantly battle, trying to conquer and overcome obstacles.

Seeing life as neutral may leave you feeling indifferent and detached. 

However, viewing life as loving—where energy and opportunities flow towards you—creates a foundation for positivity and growth.

Understanding Separation

One major barrier to experiencing love and compassion is the idea of separation.

Often, we see others as separate from us, leading to fear and insularity.

This sense of separation fuels anger and resentment. 

However, embracing that we are all interconnected, part of the same fabric of existence, can dissolve these negative feelings.

By acknowledging our shared humanity and common struggles, we open ourselves to greater empathy and compassion.

The Role of Anger

Anger is a natural emotion, often arising from a sense of injustice or frustration.

However, how we handle and express this anger determines its impact on our lives.

When we see others as enemies, anger becomes a destructive force. 

Instead, suppose we channel our anger towards constructive activism and self-advocacy.

In that case, it can become a powerful catalyst for positive change.

Activism for the Self

Being an activist for yourself means using your anger and passion to advocate for your own needs and well-being.

When done with love and compassion, this self-advocacy extends beyond personal gain, contributing to the greater good.

It creates a ripple effect, where taking care of oneself ultimately benefits everyone around you.

Practical Steps to Transform Anger

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: Recognize and validate your anger without judgment. Understand that it’s a natural response to certain situations.

2. Choose Your Perspective: Shift your view of life towards one that is loving and supportive. This mindset change can profoundly affect your emotional responses.

3. Embrace Connection: Remind yourself of the interconnectedness of all beings. This awareness fosters empathy and reduces feelings of separation.

4. Express Constructively: Find healthy outlets for your anger, such as journaling, physical activity, or creative expression. Avoid lashing out at others.

5. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Understand that everyone makes mistakes and is part of the human experience.

6. Advocate with Love: Use your anger as motivation to advocate for yourself and others, but always from a place of love and compassion.

Staying on the Love Train and transforming anger into compassion requires conscious effort and a shift in perspective.

By embracing love as a guiding principle, we can better navigate life’s challenges and contribute to a more compassionate world.

Remember, love paints everything, and we must keep our brushstrokes steady and filled with kindness.

Love, Rori

 

 

 

 

What To Do If You’re Feeling Disappointed In Love (Or Business!) – Video

By Rori Raye

At some point, we all run into disappointment.

Disappointments in love – and because I’m so deep into and concerned about how we access and use our Feminine Energy in Business and the Workplace: disappointment in work and business too:

So, disappointment about anything – Obviously has to do with expectations, right?

I expect this to happen. I hope this will happen.

So when this doesn’t happen, my dream, my imagination, my vision board – I feel a sense of letdown.

So, if you recognize all of these disappointments personally, please write me in the comments, or send me a message here on the blog (contact boxes everywhere!) about how you experience disappointment and ‘let down’ and how that affects you…and I’ll get back to you!

Also: on Siren Island, my dedicated team of brilliant coaches are ready to work with you closely, offering personalized support and solutions to navigate through life’s challenges here->

– so wanting to get more of the gloriousness of how you can go to work, run a business, practically run the world completely from feminine energy. And navigate disappointment.

As we all know, disappointment happens at work.

So with love, here’s a specific, a more specific scenario:

When you are in the dating scene, when you are connecting, where you’re making new connections, first contacts. The honeymoon period of love.

This great connection where you feel the excitement, you see the interest, you feel that connection and you’re communicating quite a lot.

There’s a lot of communication happening.

And then somewhere in that period, it doesn’t feel as good.

We were excited. And then it’s like the dopamine isn’t there anymore.

I mean, that’s one way to explain it. And yet – how do you deal with that disappointment where you’re not, or when do you go into sharing with a new connection that the communication doesn’t feel so good to you?

There are so many answers in the video, and I’d love to hear from you about your own unique situation.

Love, Rori

How To Reconnect With Your Body After Being In Your Head – Video

By Rori Raye

How do we go back into our body after we’ve been in our head?

Remember when I said when I go out for a walk and then I all of a sudden realize that I’ve missed the whole last hundred yards that I’ve walked?

I stop, and my first feeling is of loss – I lost that time where I wasn’t aware, and the second I feel that, I can feel the difference…

I can distinguish in my head.

Thinking about things, future things, going over things in the past, and the reality of the grass and the snow that’s blanketing everything right now and each individual leaf, the leaves that are still on trees.

All of that fascinates me!

And I am well aware if I’m in a sad frame of mind, right now I’m in a very sad frame of mind… I’ve noticed I’m wearing my dog’s collar on my wrist.

I just said goodbye to him last week and I never know when I’m going to be overcome by major ugly crying, major beautiful crying, major let go of feelings.

Feeling your feelings and getting familiar with how they cycle through you, and what thoughts come up with them – and how you react or respond with them – this incredible knowledge of yourself automatically leads to amazing things!

You’ll suddenly, without any affirmations or input, start to appreciate and love yourself more!

You’ll start to take a breath before you react.

And, SO important, you’ll start to realize, and feel all the awesomeness of finally knowing what you WANT, and how to express that to a man – and to ANYONE! – so you can finally, really get what you want.

To get a super shortcut to this, get the Feminine WANT Course – it will change everything for you within weeks!: 

Your Internal Engine Of Love (What’s It Doing?)

By Rori Raye

Is He Good On Paper But Making You Feel Frustrated And Worried

By Rori Raye

If You’re Feeling Afraid He’s Going To Pull the Rug Out From Under You Once You Let Him In…

By Rori Raye


Hi, I’m out here in my yard and it is freezing cold. There’s ice everywhere. You can see on the ground. It’s just sprinkly. It feels like you’re kind of walking on crunchy ice cubes.

Oh, there’s a bunny!

Hi, sweetheart. Oh…

…oh, that was such an amazing experience. Usually they’re way too fast. He wasn’t even afraid of me. Oh, I’m glad my dog is not out here.

He would have, Zeke would have chased him.

Anyway, so this is about what is it really fast about slipping and sliding on ice. I am not afraid of the cold, I love the cold. Uh, I just want to take care when Zeke is out that I don’t let him out longer than he should be out.

But for me, It’s a slippery sliding on ice that scares me.

I’ve ice skated and so many people skate on ice…And my husband isn’t afraid to go out, afraid to be falling down on ice or slipping on ice.

And some of it is shoes, but I’ve been in cleats and still felt the same. So what is it like in a relationship if… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

3 Magic Moves To Stop A Fight In Its Tracks

By Rori Raye

Maybe he suddenly pulls away after being affectionate with you, or he’s consistently late, and it’s continuously getting on your nerves.

Or, maybe he forgot to call—more than once. Whatever your new boyfriend did, how do you handle it without losing the fun, carefree feeling you’ve both been enjoying since you met?

Do you call him out for being inconsiderate, or do you hold everything in so you don’t rock the boat?
Of course, it’s neither. Here’s why, and what to do instead.

1. Don’t pretend everything’s okay.

The default mode for most of us women, especially when we are very interested in a man, is to simply put up with what’s happening and stuff down our feelings for fear of scaring him away.

You’re also more prone to doing this when you’ve had a string of unsuccessful relationships. The older you get and the more heartbreak you endure, the more you want to “not mess this up.”

And so, you keep quiet, even when you’re seething with anger. You say “sure” when he suggests something you really don’t feel comfortable doing.

You pretend it doesn’t bother you when he isn’t giving you the time and affection you need.

But, doing this actually prevents you from connecting with a man and forging a deeper relationship with him.

Why?

Because he never gets to see what makes you tick, what makes you, you.

Not just that, but the longer you go without speaking your feelings, the more you start to resent your… Read more and leave a comment or question for Rori »

Stop The Fight Before It Starts And Get The Cherishing You Want Without Caving In, Playing Nice, Or Stuffing What You Need Under The Rug

By Rori Raye

If you’re experiencing anything like this, read on for answers you can use right away:

You know he doesn’t mean to be mean, but it sure feels bad.

All you want to talk about is making your relationship better, but he takes it as a personal insult.

Instead of hearing you, even a little, he quickly defends himself, and then immediately accuses you of being needy, picky, or over-emotional.

You know he’s just taking everything personally, and you’re trying so hard to be nice and gentle, but the way he throws things back at you makes you feel like you’re the one who’s all wrong.

And before you know it – you’re fighting.

Even if you’re not a fighter… You can’t help but defend yourself when he’s saying things you know aren’t true!

If this is your story, I so get it.

The simple truth of your situation might be that your man just isn’t able, in that moment, to control himself. He might not even hear himself saying what he’s saying, not be aware of what he’s doing.

He for sure isn’t able to “step back” for a second and see how what he’s saying is hurting you.

Yes, he’s wounded. His pride is hurt. And he makes you feel bad for even questioning him.

The thing is, this story – and your situation – is not about a bad guy!

He’s not trying to hurt you. He doesn’t really want to be petty and small and reactive.

But he is because he doesn’t know any other way to communicate.

And he doesn’t know any other way to react to your genuine and right requests for improvement in how things go between you.

But fights are happening all the time. They just do.

It feels like a cycle that can never be fixed.

It feels like you’re back in school, with a bully, or somebody who just doesn’t get anything.

Fighting is really icky. It’s ugly and soul destroying, and it makes you feel like you don’t know how to communicate.

But it’s not your fault – and there’s a solution! A Siren solution.

You have to be the one to go first.

You have to be the one to stop the fight before it happens and to start the conversation when he doesn’t know how.

And, it’s fair and reasonable for you to ask me: But why? Why do I have to be the one?

My answer is: It’s because you’re a Siren, and you know many things he doesn’t.

This may seem like a very complex process that takes you years and years to figure out, but you could really learn how to stop a fight before it starts (without going cold or hiding your feelings) – in just a few days!

The trick is to learn the Siren Tool, and practice it with someone who knows how to do it!

The Siren Island Course & Community is set up to help you with this in the most affordable way, only $33 a month, where you’ll get help from brilliant, professional, Siren School coaches – and me!

You’ll get immediate access to live classes, videos, exclusive Guides and Tools, with Master Coach Teachers coaching and “Scripting” you in classes every week, helping you with immediate problems, and filling up your emotional tank with support and Tools to make a difference in your love (and work!) life – right away.

Once you start finding what it is you really Want – even when you feel triggered by a man’s behavior – everything changes. You won’t be a slave to your old “triggers” anymore.

Yes, I’m asking you to be the one to open a new door and step through it first – but the rewards are so fast and incredible!

You’ll get to find out what your man is actually capable of.

You’ll get to find out if a man 3 months into dating is just putting on a good show, or if he’s really capable of not being so instantly defensive and accusatory.

Imagine what it would be like if you were able to tell him what’s really bothering you – and he didn’t fire back at you!

If he actually just stood there and heard you…

If, instead of stepping away from you, he stepped toward you…

If he actually asked you a question rather than defended himself.

Feminine Energy is about the truth. And, yes, you can handle the truth.

On Siren Island, your story will be appreciated and honored. 

The magical trick here is to switch your focus:

To stop what we normally do, which is to focus on what isn’t going well: the anger you feel, the disappointment, the feeling of being hit with a brick and being disoriented by a man’s words and actions.

That stuff is hard. It’s not fun, it completely changes your state of being and throws you into “the pits” – yet:

If you switch your focus into what you actually WANT from him – on the deepest level – on what would make you feel happy, on the end goal you Want: love, affection, attention, connection, thrills, juiciness…all that good stuff…and can SAY that to a man in words he can hear, like:

“I feel good when I feel close to you, and I want to feel that great feeling I have when we’re connected and talking…how can we get there…?” (Yes, a lot of “feel” words – but they WORK!!!)

…That’s when everything changes, he wakes up, he feels like he knows what to do, and…bingo…he figures it out.

Talking about those things are foreign to most of us. Nobody ever taught us how, because everybody’s always skipping around the outside of things. Everyone’s always hinting and not being straightforward.

On Siren Island, you feeling authentically you, and in your Feminine Energy, are the keys to everything…

Join us in the Siren Island Course & Community for just a month, at $33, if it feels like a gamble!
Take the gamble, and see how much of your love life gets changed in just that one month!

If you sign up before Monday at 11am US Central time, you’ll get a Siren Island ticket to my monthly live Masterclass/Workshop, where I film my podcast/videocast, address your most difficult situations, and answer questions after the filming stops!

This Monday, I’ll be tackling Stopping A Fight Before It Starts, lay the solution out for you in steps, and answer questions about anything else you’re curious or concerned about right now.

Hope to see you there on Monday, here’s the link:

Love, Rori

How To Know If You're His Woman - Or His Delivery Girl...

by Rori Raye  March 1, 2017

When was the last time you felt completely at ease with a man?

Where you felt totally secure in the knowledge that he loves you, totally sure he appreciates you, and feeling that cozy warmth inside because all your needs for love and romance are being met by him?

Or does that seem like a dream? A fantasy?

Here's a way to help that dream turn real - a way of looking at everything that shows up, no matter how your first reaction is to it:

The "It's Not About Me" Tool"

Julia wrote me:

"Dear Rori - when my boyfriend asks me to do stuff for him, I just feel so resentful. I (read more here...)