11 Things I Do When I Feel Upset

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11 things I do when I feel upset…

1. I want to hit him, or someone else out there because of the “pain he’s caused me” – or the pain someone else has caused someone or something else.

2. Then I want to do a “spiritual bypass” and thank him, or them, for the learning opportunity they’ve provided for me.

3. Then I start to spin – bouncing from one “opinion” about how I’m feeling to another…trying to figure out and “drill down” – but mostly distracting myself from the real work and binding up my energy.

4. Then I drop into myself.

Full rage, full fear, full frustration.

Full-tilt wanting to break dishes, throw him across the room, bury myself.

The images come.

I can feel my body tighten up when it doesn’t want to go somewhere – but it still feels all invested and tied up in that same “somewhere.”

5. Grief surfaces. Anger makes that feel better. Then guilt. Then a whole numbness, blankness, intense escape.

I immediately want to work. To check my email, clean house, fix my hair, think up things to do.

6. I don’t do those things.

7. I allow the rollercoaster to flow. Up. Down. Around. I stay with it. I breathe…

8. I notice this is the process. This is how it goes.

There is NO RIGHT WAY. There is no ANSWER.

9. When I feel good, or I laugh, or I suddenly feel everything relax – I SO want to HOLD ONTO THAT – and so I let that go, too.

10. I go further into it…relax into it.

11. I’m here, I say to myself.

Love, Rori

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