Sweet Surrender With Ann O’Brien

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Here’s a great piece from Ann O’Brien, and so I wanted to let you know about her upcoming classes, too…I love Ann, so check out her website and get to know her and her work…

Are you pulling your hair out wishing your man would come forward and initiate more… whether you’re wanting a date, sex, or lifelong commitment? Have you ever found yourself “taking over” when your man doesn’t come through the way you want, and then been disappointed by the result?

Do you yearn to deeply surrender in love, but feel so frustrated that you’ve practically given up because no man has ever really been there for you? Are you telling yourself how healthy it is to be a strong, independent woman who can take care of your own life, even though deep down you know more is possible?

More IS possible, and no matter what you’ve experienced so far with men, YOU are infinitely powerful and you can learn to attract that “more” even if you can’t exactly pinpoint what it is yet. Just as much as we want to surrender, men deep-down want to please women; in fact, they become very ungrounded when they’re not received or when they don’t know what we want.

So, in order to please us, they need our feedback. They need us to open up and let them be men.

If you’re sensitive (and we women all are!), you KNOW how amazing it feels when you’re really being loved. You can also probably cringe remembering how icky it feels to walk through a bar and feel groped and drained of all life even when no one is touching you.

So how, you may wonder, can you stay open to the right man but avoid getting slimed? How can use your power without dominating a man, so that you stay feminine?

It’s like dancing with an invisible force… You might think of it as pure creative energy, but really it’s in every woman’s body because we each have the ability to create a new life in our bodies!

And (whatever phase of life you’re in or whether or not you’ve had children or ever will), if we can make a baby, learning to skillfully surrender to a good man in ecstatic love should be a piece of cake, right?

It can be, if you understand how to work with your own energy! There are so many books, rules and techniques out there but until you manage your energy, it almost doesn’t matter what you do or say.

By practicing simple meditation, visualization and breathing exercises you can soften and open to draw in more love than you’ve ever imagined, while setting your energy so that you’re clear about your boundaries. It’s like you become the boundary instead of needing to put up a wall.

And just as you soften, you will FEEL more than ever your power of attraction and your bliss, as if you are making love with every moment. Then, whether you want to attract a man or deepen the love you’re in, you’ll be irresistible.

Sound good? If so, you’re invited to receive:


~ a 10-week home study program with weekly teleclass beginning 1-11-11 with Ann O’Brien ~

Join this exciting and transformational womens’ program if you are ready for more fulfillment in love and life than you ever thought possible! Over the series you’ll benefit from meditation, energy clearing, creative exercises and juicy discussions to assist you in:

Understanding masculine and feminine energies
Loving yourself and freeing your radiance
Healing our personal and collective anti-feminine history
Making peace with past relationships
Feeling fully and owning your body
Navigating psychic relationship dynamics and your boundaries
Opening to sacred sexuality
Surrendering to love itself
Creating a new paradigm of relationships
Receiving love in your life

This will be so much fun and such an opportunity for breakthrough. You deserve it!

How it works…

You will receive 2-3 mp3s of inspiring lectures and powerful meditations each week to listen to on your own. Then, we’ll meet via phone for 1 hour at 5:30 pm PT/ 8:30 pm ET each Tuesday from 1/11 ~ 3/15.

On the calls you’ll have the opportunity to ask questions and receive support from the group. Each call will be recorded and provided in the event you need to miss a week.

FREE INTRO CALL ~ Thursday, 1/6 at 5:30 pm PST/ 8:30 pm EST ~ Join us in this one hour call to see if this program is right for you and for an extra special offer!

Ready to sign up now? Do so by 12/31 and receive Early Bird Registration: http://floweringsol.com/events-programs/workshops/

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on December 22, 2010 at 8:42 am

    Thanks again Rori for a great one. Yearn to deeply surrender is an understatement.

  2.  #2Turtle Girl on December 22, 2010 at 10:56 am

    Deep surrender. Ah yes, I remember that. Nothing feels better. However it is vastly important who we women chose to surrender to. If the guy is an EU or an assclown (baggage reclaim) then it is horrible. My mistake was surrendering to ex toxic man and that is why it hurt so much and took me a year to get over him. Bad choice. Ugh. Never again.

    My next surrender will only be with a man worth my goddessness. xxoo

  3.  #3Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:06 am

    Lovely sirens
    I am at peace with myself now. I am finding peace. I was shattered yesterday after episode of talking and shouting.
    It was difficult to find peace. I made many mistakes. By going back for a talk. By making myself emotionally and physically vulnerable to X. By taking part in the disgusting bargaining he was dragging me into. I do not blame X. I was there. I could have chosen not to be there. But I fell from my horse again. I took insult from X again. I cried when X shouted. I cant list here the mistakes and wrong moves I did.
    But you know what, I forgave myself.
    I felt awkward for some hours. The conversation was something I should not have tolerated. All his words were echoing in my ears
    “I shout at you because you cry. It is easy to cry”
    “Secrecy is the bottom line”
    “We can continue in a relationship if you are okay with my secrecy scheme”
    “You are driving me mad”
    “I have a scheme in which there is a category called public and you don’t figure in anywhere there. You are colleague”
    “ This affair is unfair for you. I know that”
    “You talk about pain and pain and pain during sex. You talk as if I am raping you. I don’t want to rape any woman”
    “I will spend time with you when I have time for you. I can not make any promises”
    “Don’t talk to me about the assurances I have given. That was needed that time. Every promise I make is within the scheme of secrecy”
    “Your hurt and your feelings are inessential to the conversation. What is important is the scheme in which we can be in a relationship”
    “It is impossible to talk to you. You talk about what you feel feel and feel. Think. Not feel”
    “This relationship will not take us anywhere let us stop it”
    “It seems you are in love with me. That is not permitted”
    “May be we should not talk each other for two days”

    Sirens I don’t even remember what all he said. I sat paralyzed in his car. I don’t want to think about those incidents either.

    I came back home. I deleted him from my IMS list. I deleted his number from my cell phone. That was not any symbolic act of deleting him from my life. That was the primary thing I should do. I did it.

    I know I did a mistake. But my mistake can be undone. Can’t it? I was given warnings by many many times by all of you. But I hoped against hope that he might change.

    I know I did the greatest mistake in my life. I feel bitter when I think of that episode. He was honest, true. But the way he manipulated me and my feelings was just too much for me to forget.

    I am finding peace my lovely friends. I am finding peace. I feel calm and certain. The enormity of the mistake I did sort of embarrasses me and making me feel horrible.
    But I am forgiving myself.
    I am giving myself a huge hug and embracing myself with all the mistakes I did.
    I want to start anew. I hope it is possible.
    I don’t want to look back.

    The New Year is coming. I feel hopeful towards it.
    I want to undo all the mistakes and I want to feel confident in my self.
    I love you all.
    There is no turning back.

  4.  #4Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:09 am

    It is true I feel hurt. And shattered once again.
    But I feel calm somewhere deep inside.

  5.  #5Simply Shannon on December 22, 2010 at 11:13 am

    Meemee! This feels so huge! I feel hopeful too! For you and for me! Wow Meemee. I feel so proud of you! So what you made some mistakes. SO WHAT!!??!! Those mistakes are already in the past. They are NOT your future. Yeah Meemee! So excited to share this journey with you.

  6.  #6Femininewoman on December 22, 2010 at 11:21 am


    “You talk as if I am raping you. I don’t want to rape any woman”

    This to me is him trying to project his wrong doing onto you. Blaiming you and not taking responsibility for his actions. You are a precious angel that deserve a lot better. Trust me you will get over this. It is a process you must go through and come out stronger on the other end. I am proud of you.

    “What is important is the scheme in which we can be in a relationship” This reminds me of what Carol Allen, another relationship coach refers to the “system of the relationship”. Obviously for him it is not a negotiation, he is dictation so he decides to make all the choices/decisions. It seems like a man who would treat women as his possessions.

    I have also heard “those rejections are God’s protection”. Meemee every day we live is an opportunity to start fresh and get a second chance. We have all been there is some form and we are still here some with men chasing after us. It is great you are dealing with your feelings as that is the way to heal. Look for the message in the experience Meemee and rise after you have learnt with your head high.

  7.  #7Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:21 am

    I was too hesitant to let go off him mentally. The first man I ever got involved with, the amount of energy and time and care I invested in this relationship to know him more and make it going- they were pulling me back.
    I made huge huge huge mistakes. But right now I feel so strongly that my mistakes can be undone. I shudder when I think of that.
    I feel ashamed of many things I did and said too.
    But I will feel healed.
    This is christmas time and I am sure I will feel healed.

  8.  #8Femininewoman on December 22, 2010 at 11:24 am

    Meemee I should also say I now think of sex as a precious thing that is shared with someone special. I made mistakes in the past we all did.

  9.  #9Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 11:26 am

    Uh-oh, fell off top again…

    I was at e-mail account reading Rori’s newsletter:

    Write to her:
    from Rori’s newsletter”

    “…Let me know how these eLetters and my programs are helping you – I look forward to hearing from you about even the smallest success on your way to the truly huge ones I know you’ll have.

    Love, Rori

    P. S. If you’d like to send me a question or a
    problem you’re having that I can answer in an
    eLetter – or a Success Story! — please email me
    at Rori@HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com

    Though I may not be able to correspond one-on-one
    with you, I WILL ABSOLUTELY, PERSONALLY READ YOUR LETTER! – I really do find myself up late reading what you’ve written to me, and then answering you in these eLetters. (I depend on hearing from you about your personal issues and concerns so I can build new programs for you around them, so if you don’t want me to use your letter, please let me know – otherwise I’ll change all the names and cities and go ahead.)

    It will help me write a truly helpful answer much more quickly if you keep it to a simple format:

    1. One or two paragraphs, please, and

    2. Get as specific as you can – the details help
    me really get a feel for your unique situation.

    Please feel free to forward these eLetters to a
    friend – and let her know she can get in touch
    with me and start receiving her own letters by
    going to http://www.HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com

    If you’ve already downloaded my Have The
    Relationship You Want eBook, work through it. If
    you’d like to get it now, follow (or copy and
    paste) this link:


    The eBook is the foundation for all my work,
    including these eLetters, so getting the basics
    will help you use everything else you get from
    ~ Rori Raye


  10.  #10Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 11:29 am

    Oops 😳
    Wednesday, 22 December 2010 @ 11:24am

    9: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    Your comment is awaiting moderation.

    Uh-oh, fell off top again…

    I was at e-mail account reading Rori’s newsletter:

    Write to her:
    from Rori’s newsletter”

    “…Let me know how these eLetters and my programs are helping you – I look forward to hearing from you about even the smallest success on your way to the truly huge ones I know you’ll have.

    Love, Rori

    P. S. If you’d like to send me a question or a
    problem you’re having that I can answer in an
    eLetter – or a Success Story! — please email me
    at Rori@HaveTheRelationshipYouWant.com

    Though I may not be able to correspond one-on-one
    with you, I WILL ABSOLUTELY, PERSONALLY READ YOUR LETTER! – I really do find myself up late reading what you’ve written to me, and then answering you in these eLetters. (I depend on hearing from you about your personal issues and concerns so I can build new programs for you around them, so if you don’t want me to use your letter, please let me know – otherwise I’ll change all the names and cities and go ahead.)

    It will help me write a truly helpful answer much more quickly if you keep it to a simple format:

    1. One or two paragraphs, please, and

    2. Get as specific as you can – the details help
    me really get a feel for your unique situation.

    Please feel free to forward these eLetters to a
    friend – and let her know she can get in touch
    with me and start receiving her own letters by
    going to

    HaveTheRelationshipYouWant dot com

    If you’ve already downloaded my Have The
    Relationship You Want eBook, work through it. If
    you’d like to get it now, follow (or copy and
    paste) this link:

    HaveTheRelationshipYouWant dot com/ebook

    The eBook is the foundation for all my work,
    including these eLetters, so getting the basics
    will help you use everything else you get from
    ~ Rori Raye


  11.  #11Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:31 am

    The back and forth movement was making me feel weak. But there is no zigzag now. The journey is a forward journey.
    It takes tremendous amount to forgive myself. But I know healing starts from there.
    I know the journey forward will not be an easy one- same office and same friends and all that.

  12.  #12Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:47 am

    I am so amazed how things coincide and work together.

    I had sent my resignation letter. Today I got a reply from my boss saying that in 30 days my contract will be terminated. It is a one month notification. So in 30 days I am free from the office. I will have to go there only for my research related purposes.

    My apartment mate got a job in a new company and she asked me if I want to move out with her to a new place which far from the place the place I am living now. She told me she understands that I am resigning my job and said she will pay rent for the house till I finish my PhD. I feel so loved and cared for.

    And yes. I got a call from my cell phone connection company right now saying that the documents I submitted at the time I took connection expired and they are disconnecting the connection in 2 days and asked me to take a new connection. WHAT A GOOD NEWS. I can have a new number. A step towards new life!!!

    I am feeling peaceful.

  13.  #13Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 11:54 am

    “…I was too hesitant to let go off him mentally. The first man I ever got involved with, the amount of energy and time and care I invested in this relationship to know him more and make it going- they were pulling me back…”

    I found the book below was very helpful in developing thinking that recognized this difficulty and helped to eliminate it.

    I have read several life changing books. Truly life changing. This is one of the earlier ones:

    How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World [Paperback]
    Harry Browne (Author)

    I had a huge library at one time, long gone now. I picked good books purchased at time of writing and at normal prices but many of my choices have gone on to be classics and the prices have skyrocketed.

    I just checked Amazon for this one; I think I could use a retrace in preparing my life project War Room for “All Things 2011.” I see now NEW book is $500. Eek. I’ll be running to the library now.

    I STRONGLY recommend getting a hold of this book; thoughts on relationships, career, money, government, life… It nudged my thinking…but then I’ve always been a rebel…a womanly rebel as it turns out 😉


  14.  #14Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Thanks SLV
    Will check for that one.
    And I need one too 🙂 🙂

  15.  #15Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    I am feeling happy that I will not be writing about X anymore as I used to do and will not asking for help on how to deal with him.
    I will be talking about new men. I will be talking about new interests.
    I still need help as I go through this healing process.
    I will come to siren island for that.

  16.  #16Lucy on December 22, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    feel like crap. too much going badly today. angry at self. scared of the coming days. feel almost hopeless. 🙁

  17.  #17Turtle Girl on December 22, 2010 at 12:15 pm


    If you go to the Harry Browne website they have this in an ebook form for ten dollars American. :o)

  18.  #18Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    17: Turtle Girl says:
    If you go to the Harry Browne website they have this in an ebook form for ten dollars American. ) ”

    Gee, didn’t know there was one and hadn’t thought of that book for ages although it was very helpful in nudging me to create my own way of thinking. When I saw the post about emotional/relationship “investment”, I knew I had recognized people do fall into boxes; I’d learned to avoid that and how…remembered the book!!

    Did you read it? What do you think?

    Going to HB web site now. Library site down at moment…



  19.  #19Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 12:52 pm


    You are free! Happy new year! Please feel free to continue processing to work through your pain on here. I’m happy you will be away from him in a month altogether! Fresh start…

  20.  #20Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 12:53 pm


    Sorry to hear you are feeling down. What’s going on?

  21.  #21Daria on December 22, 2010 at 1:27 pm

    woke up today

    gotta forgive myself for contacting guy who was gonna give me a ride to comm service this morning late last nite (10)

    and then changing my mind this morning – GUilty!

    feeling ick


    then also for waking myself up at 6 am and feeling a bit vulnerable immune system wise right now

    also crazy dreams about

    enjoying girl sex stuff

    talking to a girl who didnt like me or her mom

    being a devil creature who was helping out some young guys getting attacked with guns by the guys next door

  22.  #22Daria on December 22, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    gona take the bus rite now to visit my og patna who use to smoke crack lol… hes the uncle to a couple of my friends and is a pretty cool guy

    talked the other day and today too to that girl that messed with getright man…

    feeling like expanding my social circle

    feeling warm but achy in certain parts of my body

    loving me

  23.  #23Lucy on December 22, 2010 at 1:58 pm

    Brenda, so, so, much is wrong… Accidentally going over my credit limit, for one thing…. trouble with my kids…. trouble with myself… trouble with a phone call with the doctor’s office about my son’s depression… worried about conflict with family of origin during our holiday week together… worried about myself not being able to deal with it in a positive way… feeling fragile, like it wouldn’t take much for me to just break down and maybe start screaming at everyone and if that happened I would be so angry at myself… feeling overwhelmed and unable to handle all of life right now… scared, sad….

  24.  #24Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 2:05 pm


    Hugs! Wow, that’s a lot. What if you just did you for Christmas? What if you left them all to fend for themselves and broke away and went to a friend’s house for the holidays where no one knows where you are? I’d invite you here, but I can’t cuz there’s too much chaos here, too, and not a restful, peaceful atmosphere.

    What would be the worst thing that would happen if you spent Christmas by yourself, pampering Lucy for a change? You could journal, pray, scream, think, feel, do your nails, take a bubble bath?

  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 2:09 pm


    Church held Christmas service and communion at nearby university this past Sunday. There was congregational carol singing. Here’s one we did. It was very cheering.

    Different group but it sounded and felt like this:

    Celtic Woman- “O’ Come All Ye Faithful”


  26.  #26Lucy on December 22, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Thanks for the hug, Brenda. I really do want to see my parents and my sister and her family — we only see them about twice a year… and everything’s planned for the trip and spending the time together… I would feel awful changing plans now….

    I’ve also been recalling that last year at this time, TN man was in constant contact with me, and very supportive and uplifting… and it made the holidays fun and easy…. and whenever anything got stressful with my parents, he knew exactly what to say to help me through it….. 🙁

  27.  #27Lucy on December 22, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Thanks, SLV, that’s beautiful…

  28.  #28Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 2:47 pm


    I understand. Feel free to text me nonstop if that will help! 🙂 I love you!


  29.  #29LonePlum on December 22, 2010 at 4:55 pm

    “you look great for your age”

    I don’t bother writing back when I get that type of “compliment”

    It shows a limited mentality (preconceived ideas about how people should be) and a rude education (you don’t tell a woman she is old)
    But most of all, it shows the guy’s subconscious wish to speak to someone younger, so f*ck him 🙂

    I mean, I look good or I don’t. He likes me or he does not.

    And… the few who sent that restrictive “compliment” are older than me
    It figures…

    Anyway, today, I stumble on this lady’s video

    And that’s so it.
    When I receive that stupid comment, I feel like pulled down to a reality that is not mine.
    I mentally look behind me, like: “Who is he speaking to? Not me, surely”

    I am like “what does he mean *for my age*? Am I supposed to look momified? Am I old? I had no idea! Why am I always the last one to hear about big things? Nah, I would know if I was old. Where did he get that silly idea that I Am old and I should not look good?”

    The lady in the video is right. Not only our body is young and strong (cross fingers) but our mind thinks it is 23 years old.
    I thought I was 12 years old until my 40’s.
    When my daughter started her teens, I switched to 23. It just happened one day. I felt 23.


  30.  #30Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    Lucy, I feel for you on anxiety about family tension! I am getting ready to head to Los angeles to see my family for the holidays, I have a very short fuse when I am around my father and his mother-been having nightmare that I will end up yelling my head off when I see them on Christmas.
    Here is how I am coping:
    Bringing my journal on the plane and going to start the ‘i like/i want to’ list that Rori talks about in Modern Siren, things I can do that make me feel better.
    I already know some of the things I will write and I plan to do them whenever I need to. The first is to take a walk. I am bringing my dog with me so I can always claim she ‘needs to go for a walk’ even If I am the one who really needs the walk/to get away from everyone for a while.

    The second is to listen to music that makes me feel happy, which I can do while walking with my dog.

    The third is to pet and play with my dog, which I can do at any time because she is always with me (yep even on the plane, she flies with me in the cabin).

  31.  #31Jennifer on December 22, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    ((doin a happy dance))
    Hey…. did you learn to walk the first time you stood up? Just like little meemee stood up and then like RAN?
    Me neither.
    So maybe X is like a big falldown? Maybe you are not bad and wrong and a maker of mistakes.
    MAYBE this is how we learn?
    And I know you will NEVER NEVER have this problem again.
    Cause yer a PhD….nearly.
    You is smart.

    And really…….this ain’t physics hon…there is no finite answer.
    Is ALLL open to interpretation…..and variables…and various formulas.
    Frig….stuck in a physics metaphor.

  32.  #32Jennifer on December 22, 2010 at 5:20 pm

    I have a date
    Like a real honest-to-god date. Like a dude-called-me-and-asked-me-out-and-is-picking-me-up Date.
    To sushi.
    I like sushi.
    The only question is “will he be taking me to the All you can eat cheap place OR the NICE place?”
    This is important.

  33.  #33Jeannette on December 22, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    I think I have jealousy issues. My fiance told me he is having alot of friend requests on facebook and I know he’s on it alot. Anyway, I got jealous today cuz I work so hard (2 jobs) and he is home ea day saying to himself….what am I going to do today? I wish my life was like that. Yet, I know he’s sick and he isn’t working cuz of that. But why doesn’t he look for constructive things to do like take an online class or something. I have asked him and he said, “well when I feel better I will get back out to work. But he doesn’t have a degree in anything, just plays in bands and worked on cars and in stores in the past. I would like to hear him talk about what he would like to do when he’s better….not with me prodding him either…

  34.  #34Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 5:21 pm

    @29: LonePlum says:

    “It shows a limited mentality (preconceived ideas about how people should be) and a rude education (you don’t tell a woman she is old)…”

    LOL. Most people DO have limited mentality and rude educations too. 😆

    I once saw a teacher telling his students to look for the “old lady” in the picture. “There she is, there she is, the ‘old lady’…

    Oh, well…

    And, some women like those kinds of “compliments. Hahaha. And they probably wouldn’t even know what you are talking about; they’d probably get made at you if you even mentioned it was a bit awry. 😆 I’d bet money on that!

    Here’s one: “You’re the prettiest piece of white trash I’ve seen in a long time.” 😆

    I’m giggling now, I’ll go look at your video.


  35.  #35Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 5:24 pm

    30: Katnina says:

    “…Lucy, I feel for you on anxiety about family tension! I am getting ready to head to Los angeles to see my family for the holidays, I have a very short fuse when I am around my father and his mother-been having nightmare that I will end up yelling my head off when I see them on Christmas…

    You’d better take you knitting with you! LOL 😆


  36.  #36Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 5:25 pm

    Jennifer, you are awesome. Have fun on the date!

  37.  #37Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 5:27 pm

    You’d better take you your knitting with you! LOL


  38.  #38Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    SLV, you are right! Haven’t started a project yet though, need to get to the yarn store to get the supplies for the LBD with pearls for my furbaby but haven’t had time!
    Maybe I’ll start a nice scarf or something on the plane. I have some random skeins in my stash that might look good together!

  39.  #39Jennifer on December 22, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Goddesses do NOT eat cheap sushi!

  40.  #40Elayne on December 22, 2010 at 5:38 pm

    I really feel like overfunctioning on purpose today. It would feel good to tell him what to do because it seems like he’s never going to do it unless I tell him to do it. Why? Ugh. Stuck in this icky, in between spot waiting for a man to do something he said he’d to four days ago.

  41.  #41tinque on December 22, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    No cheap sushi for the Goddess Jenn, no way, no how…only the freshest and the best. yum

  42.  #42snowqueen on December 22, 2010 at 5:40 pm

    you’re only as old as the man you feel 😉

    I am currently growing my dyed hair out and going grey/white. The most common response is ‘don’t do that it will make you look old’. And that’s a bad thing? How? I am going to look stunning when it’s done – olive skin, hardly any wrinkles and silver hair! A good hairdo is important, but the colour … ? I’m 54 – I am not ‘young’. But I am a beautiful woman.

  43.  #43Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 5:41 pm

    I had to cancel 2 dates this week bc of this stupid cold that I caught. One was a 2nd date last Saturday night that I knew I wouldn’t be feeling up to (I cancelled when I woke up) and one was a 1st date afternoon coffee for today which I cancelled yesterday since I am still feeling sick.
    They were both so nice and understanding, and I told them I’ll be back in the city on Jan 1 and want to see them when I am back but now I am feeling anxious that I won’t hear from them when I get back.

    Oh nooooo mr fireman’s fire engine is outside my office building right now. I can see it out the window. (it’s the right number for his firehouse) And when he came to my dance performance, he told me he was back from vacation on december22. They are getting out of the engine. I wonder if he is working tonight or if he worked the day shift today….haven’t heard from him since he came to my show and bought me dinner after.

    Ohh I want to text him so bad to see if that is him.
    Noooo! Don’t do it kat!
    Staying strong! Leaning back!!!

  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    33: Jeannette says:

    “… My fiance told me he is having a lot of friend requests on facebook and I know he’s on it alot…”

    Good for him! Sounds like fun. I hope he’s happy.

    “… I wish my life was like that..”

    It’s great you have common interests to start with and you can always add others. 😀


  45.  #45Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 5:47 pm

    @38: Katnina

    “…I have some random skeins in my stash that might look good together…”

    You could make that garter stitch scarf I mentioned to TG, use worsted and large needles. You can knit that while you watch TV or knit and ignore what’s going on around you…heehee 😆

    Also the LBD doesn’t have to be black, somebody mentioned a red one… Any color would work.

    Have fun, I almost wish I had a girl pup!


  46.  #46Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 5:51 pm

    @42: snowqueen says:

    “…you’re only as old as the man you feel…”

    That’s a good one. LOL 😆 Love it!


  47.  #47Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    Yay snowqueen! I am 29 and I have about 20 grey hairs (yep I counted) and my girlfriends always tell me to dye them to match my very dark brown hair bc it will ‘be more attractive’ and I say NO!
    I call them my free highlights.
    One time a hairdresser disdainfully said ‘you have some ‘friend’s’ here, would you like to get rid of them?’ I told him absolutely not, no way. I never went back. It felt to me like he was implying grey hair is not pretty.
    I think white hair is beautiful. I earned these puppies!

  48.  #48Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    Ooohh usually I am ok with my typos but the apostrophe on friends in my last post is one of my MAJOR pet peeves, stupid autocorrect on my phone, it should be ‘friends’ not ‘friend’s’!!

  49.  #49Dorothea on December 22, 2010 at 6:08 pm

    i cannot wait for my whole head to turn white. i want to be a beautiful old lady with long white hair one day. for now i will settle on my beautiful youthful hair hhehe

  50.  #50Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    Did you ever meet people who seem to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?….

    One of my friends calls it “the reverse Midas touch.” LOL 😆 Run from it…


  51.  #51Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    @ 48: Katnina says:

    “…Ooohh usually I am ok with my typos but the apostrophe on friends in my last post is one of my MAJOR pet peeves, stupid autocorrect on my phone, it should be ‘friends’ not ‘friend’s’!!…”

    Darling, it could be worse…at least it didn’t show up as “fiends.” LOL 😆


  52.  #52Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 6:21 pm

    @49: Dorothea says:

    “old lady”

    LMAO 😆


  53.  #53Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    SLV, thank you for making me laugh!

  54.  #54Dorothea on December 22, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    SLV, my bday is tomorrow, i am getting closer to old lady:P soon we can go to the 4 pm dinner at the sizzler and make it home in time to watch murder she wrote.:P

  55.  #55Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 6:50 pm

    @54 Dorothea

    There are no “old ladies.” 😆 Only people who make those kinds of jokes… ROFL Sometimes they don’t know it…

    @Lone Plum

    I think I’ve got one for you … 😆


  56.  #56Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 6:55 pm

    @54 Dorothea

    Happy Birthday!

    I like to celebrate mine for a whole year on that date of the month for each month. I also find birthdays are an excuse to get myself a present also. No matter how many other ones I get. I always get myself one.

    On my last birthday I came home from my birthday party with three bags of gifts but I still bought myself TWO birthday gifts! Excellent tradition. 😀


  57.  #57Lizzie on December 22, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    Hey Lucy! I haven’t been around much but your post caught my eye. Christmas was always tough for me until one day, I changed how I viewed everything. I had a very stressful relationship with my mother – and when I spent time with her the tension could be cut with a saw. I made the shift when I stopped seeing them as my “parents” and all the expectations that go with that. Now I see them as “people”. There are no expectations with people. I see them with all the strengths, frailites and vulnabilities of human people. In those moments when I am feeling frustration with them, I step back and have a look – am I seeing them as “parents” or as “people” – as soon as I do that, the frustration is released. I have no idea why this works for me, it just does. It has created a huge shift – I dont’ know if the dynamic family nonsense has changed, but I don’t seem to notice it any more and I can say, I feel much much more enjoyment of all my “peeps” now.

    All the very best for you!

  58.  #58Dorothea on December 22, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    feelin upset and angry and fed up

    told li it was an issue that he doesn’t ever call me. like serious speech need more calls from you talk happened. and he said he wants to call me more, and he shall. but he’s not. and even worse, my bday is tomorrow and he said he was taking me out, but now i haven’t spoken to him since i saw him on Monday night.

    i am getting fed up and bored. yet, we don’t have anything serious, even if he is trying to “make me feel safe” again, the fact that he doesn’t call is of little consequence except to inspire more circular dating on my end.

    but i feel unimportant. it’s my birthday. don’t make me feel like i’m gonna get stood up.

    although, i guess that’s MY feeling and trigger.

    i am also really hungry right now, so it’s hard to handle triggers when i’m hungry


  59.  #59Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:02 pm


    RE: #30 – That is excellent about your dog going with you!

    Tell me! What airline allows the dog in the cabin? I am all about traveling with my dogs, but it can be difficult at times.

  60.  #60Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 8:03 pm


    Can you get something going with one of your CD, something to celebrate your birthday? I know how you feel, birthdays are important to me too.


  61.  #61Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:05 pm


    RE: #31 – I just have to say…I like your style, girl!

  62.  #62Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:07 pm


    RE: #32 – No, the real question is will he take you for cheesecake afterwards? 🙂

  63.  #63Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 8:10 pm

    Here’s a CL ad that sounds “normal” and kind of good actually. It’s good to see that not all CL ads are awful…

    ******* seeking amazing friends – 34


    … MY CAREER… professional engineer… my 10th year… i love my career 🙂
    … MY APARTMENT… i love my freedom
    … MUSIC… rock, punk, metal, rap, pop, dance, trance, gino, contemporary, oldies
    … EXERCISE… yoga, abs class, spin class, push-ups, sit-ups, cardio, power walking
    … DINNER & WINE… friday night… saturday night… even if it’s alone, with a good book 🙂
    … MOVIES… cuddling together at home… or at the theatre… popcorn DEFINATELY a must
    … FOOTBALL… sunday night game… monday night game… GO JETS !!!
    … TUTORING… 9 years now… university, college, & high school… i love helping people 🙂
    … FAMILY… i visit my family once a week… i’m a good boy… hehe 🙂

    Add me & say hello…


  64.  #64Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:11 pm


    RE: #33 – Here is an idea. What if you break up with him and tell him you aren’t okay with being with someone on disability. Transition him to not being financially dependent on you.

    It will make him or break him. And, it will make or break your relationship. See if he rises to the occasion or just keeps being lazy. He sounds lazy. I don’t think this is just about disability.

    You are not being jealous. You are being righteously angry in my perception.

    What do you think? Test him.

  65.  #65Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:18 pm


    Happy Birthday! May you have all the white hairs you desire! 🙂

  66.  #66Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    I went to a dinner tonight with a group of friends. It felt nice to be around warm, kind people. I sat next to a blind man and got him things he needed from the serving table. I felt so accepted there, and I had a nice conversation with a man and woman in their 20s.

    It felt good but I missed Ryan. I sat there feeling lonely more than anything because I want to be with Ryan so much. I put his photo back on the main screen of my phone. I hope and pray he contacts me before Christmas. It would mean the world to me.

    I like this blog and I like talking with all of you.

  67.  #67Dorothea on December 22, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    lol he just called but i don’t feel like talking.
    actually i feel like playing games.
    perhaps i shall wait until 2 pm tomorrow lol to call him back.

    i feel evil. f*ck him.

  68.  #68The Nikita Show on December 22, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Happy birthday Dorothea…. ahem, brat 😉

    Its your partyyyyyyyyy and you can pout if you want tooooooo………be a brat if you want tooooooo……..evil if you want tooooooo…… 🙂

    I brat out completely on my Birthday 😉 I don’t even talk to my parents if I don’t feel like it!! Voice Mail!!!!!!! Yay!!!!!!

    I hope you have fun…..and feel super pampered ALL day!!!


  69.  #69Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:52 pm


    daca vorbesti limba as vrea sa ne cunoastem

  70.  #70Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 8:53 pm


    What about being the invitation?

  71.  #71Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    @64: Brenda says:

    :RE: #33 – …Transition him to not being financially dependent on you…”

    I don’t believe she said she was supporting him. Did she? I understood that her fiance was supporting himself with his disability income. I didn’t see anything about Jeannette paying his living expenses. Was there something there?

    I don’t find a lazy fiance. I say he’s ill. He’s undergoing chemotherapy for cancer and he has additional health problems. He qualifies to receive disabililty payments and is not required to work. Do you believe he is not deserving of the disability benefits?

    Angry or jealous, either way it’s unfortunate. And they are her feelings not his; she’ll have to deal with them.

    “Forcing” or “breaking” a cancer patient doesn’t seem to me to be a kind, loving thing to do. The “prodding” part doesn’t sound too good either.

    At best “forcing and breaking” are very forward leaning if not downright invasive. I call “prodding” petty and vindictive. I conclude that’s why he hides from her as she described in an earlier post.

    I’ve read so many unhappy reports about this engagement that I feel sad for both of them. I’m sorry to say, IMHO, it’s a mismatch.


  72.  #72Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 9:07 pm


    You said, “I’ve read so many unhappy reports about this engagement that I feel sad for both of them. I’m sorry to say, IMHO, it’s a mismatch.”

    I agree. I was suggesting she break up with him. That is not forward leaning. It’s breaking up. That is not forcing or prodding. It’s breaking up. She seems consistently unhappy in this relationship. She speaks of him being unmotivated.

    I am in love with a man who is on disability. He spoke of wanting to get well, have a good job, and support a family. I do not discriminate against people on disability. I seriously considered applying for it myself in October.

    Please stop assuming the worst of everything I say. It doesn’t give you an accurate perception of things I say. I feel like I am forever being henpecked on here and I often feel defensive.

  73.  #73Simply Shannon on December 22, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    Dorothea, a Christmas Eve Eve baby? Wow! 😉 It’s 12:08am here, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    Jennifer, I can’t wait to hear about sushi at the NICE restaurant!

    Jeannette, I feel frustrated. This is the same question you’ve been asking for months now. He’s still the same guy. He’s telling you the same story. Why are you expecting him to change? Why are you choosing this man? I feel annoyed. Not gonna lie.

    I feel compassion for my stuck and frustrated feelings. I’m not in Jeannette’s shoes but I have been. Many times. I forgive myself for settling for less than what I wanted. I don’t want to do that anymore. Has nothing to do with his illness and everything to do with me choosing something that doesn’t work for ME.

  74.  #74Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 10:22 pm

    Brenda, almost all airlines let pets who are small enoguh to fit in carriers that fit under the seat fly in the cabin. It’s usually $75-$100 each way for the pet fee (which I find annoying bc the pet carrier counts as my ‘personal item’ so I can only carry one other bag onboard with me and i don’t check bags bc I want to let my dog out of the carrier as soon as possible without waiting for baggage, but its worth it bc I hate leaving my daughter! Plus I usually just borrow my sister’s clothes when I’m in la so I don’t really need to bring that much stuff.)
    Frontier is the only airline that I know of that doesn’t allow pets on board their planes.

    My sister has a friend who is blind and he flies with his guide dog, the airlines are required to allow service dogs on their planes at no extra charge.

  75.  #75Dorothea on December 22, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    Hell yeah, I love being a brat, especially on my birthday.

    Shannon – I have had christmas music in my head my WHOLE LIFE
    chestnuuuuuts roasting on an open fiiiire….

    ………my high school sweetheart tells me happy birthday every year. i think that is so nice.

  76.  #76Katnina on December 22, 2010 at 10:30 pm

    Awww Brenda I hear that you miss Ryan and I am sending light and laughter your way. This time of year can be so hard, especially since your first date with Ryan was around Christmas.
    I am really missing mr fireman right now too.
    I think it’s good that we are both cd’ing though.
    It feels nice to have something else to do to distract me from my missing the fireman or wondering about what the heck is going on with phishman. Even tho I had to cancel 2 dates this week bc I’m sick, it’s still nice to have those 2 guys to add to my ‘thought rotation.’

    What do you think?

  77.  #77Laughing Goddess on December 22, 2010 at 10:37 pm

    Feliz Cumpleaños Dorothea!!!!!

    Abrazos y besos a ti.

  78.  #78Dorothea on December 22, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    hooray, lg makes an appearance. it’s like a bday present

  79.  #79Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:03 pm

    I found Harry Browne’s book online. I could download a soft copy. I am gonna read it today.
    Thanks a lot for suggesting it.

  80.  #80Senior Lady Vibe on December 22, 2010 at 11:14 pm


    “Please stop assuming the worst of everything I say.”

    What “assumptions” did you see? I did not intend to assume anything which was not there. You are mistaken.

    1)Brenda, you advised Jeannette to tell her fiance:
    “Here is an idea. What if you break up with him and tell him you aren’t okay with being with someone on disability.”
    Although I didn’t say so in the post, I consider this advice damn mean (some might say emasculating) and not at all as you later describe your attitude: “…I do not discriminate against people on disability…”

    2) You claim Jeannette’s fiance is financially dependent upon her.
    “Transition him to not being financially dependent on you. “
    I’ve read Jeannette’s concerns about future marriage to a man with a small income but I NEVER read that he is NOW in a state of financial dependence upon her from which you advised her to transition him. I did not assume anything; I asked you about this “financial dependence” and you did not respond.

    3)You further advised:
    “It will make him or break him. And, it will make or break your relationship.”
    Yes, I do find “breaking” a cancer patient, a weakened and vulnerable man, is forward leaning at best. I consider it invasive and awful. But I assumed nothing, you wrote it. I didn’t say “ewww” but I’ll say so now.

    4)You claim Jeannette’s fiance is lazy:
    “See if he rises to the occasion or just keeps being lazy. He sounds lazy”
    This is YOUR assessment. I assumed nothing but looked to what Jeannette has described: multiple health problems in addition to undergoing chemotherapy for cancer AND he has been awarded disability benefits. I believe in any case my assessment that he is ill is far less an assumption than yours that he “just keeps being lazy.”

    5)Brenda, I don’t know what you meant here.
    “I don’t think this is just about disability.”
    And I made no interpretation or assumption of your statement. However, I stated my own opinion, and said it was mine, that the couple is mismatched.

    6)Jeannette said she was jealous so I did not refute that, even though you did.
    “You are not being jealous. You are being righteously angry in my perception.”
    I didn’t even argue that you were wrong either.

    7)You advised Jeannette to “test him.”
    “What do you think? Test him.”
    IMHO, this “testing” people, manipulating and playing games is mean. I even recall you posting about being “tested” by your friend Ryan and you didn’t feel too good about it.

    Maybe do unto others as you would have others do unto you is the way to go here. If you could ever stop being a pin-headed bully.


  81.  #81Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 11:21 pm


    I’m a horrible person. There, do you feel better?

  82.  #82Brenda on December 22, 2010 at 11:41 pm


    Rori says how we treat each other is how we treat our man. Do your men feel nit-picked to death?

  83.  #83Meemee on December 22, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    Brenda, Jennifer, Femininewoman,
    Thanks for all your kind words.
    I feel better reading your posts.
    Thank you.
    I am at office. It feels weird and it feels new here. I am taking care of myself.
    I am being gentle with myself.
    I am telling each moment to myself that I am forgiving myself. That I so deeply accept myself. That I love myself no matter what mistake I did in the past.
    I am learning.
    Its a slow learning.
    I know nothing is gonna change overnight.
    I know the healing process will take time.
    But I feel certain that I will feel healed.

    Every now and then the image of that conversation rush into my mind. The image of a shouting man. And the image of a woman who sat paralyzed in a car unable to even get down and walk away. The words and images.

    I am telling myself this moment and in the moments to come that I am a beautiful woman. I am a really beautiful woman in and out. Those words and images should not make me feel unworthy.

    Yes. I am a beautiful woman.

    I feel hurt. But I feel certain that it will not kill me. Or it will not cause a nervous breakdown.

    Its a wound. Its a hurt. It will hurt for some time. it will bleed for some time. But when I start paying attention to other good things in my life, I will become indifferent to that pain and that wound.

    I dont want to actively deal with the pain right now. I dont want to struggle hard and eradicate the pain. The pain will cease to matter as I get onto my horse and ride. THE PAIN WILL CEASE TO MATTER.

    Love you all.

  84.  #84Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 12:01 am


    As you get healing, little by little, the pain will subside. Maybe you can sic SLV on him to put him in his place! 🙂 Mean Bren!

  85.  #85Lakshmi on December 23, 2010 at 12:50 am

    Happy Birthday Dorothea!

  86.  #86snowqueen on December 23, 2010 at 12:56 am

    it’s so much more relaxing leaning back and letting other people get on with their lives while I get on with mine. I used to be always meddling – I didn’t think I was, but looking back I know I was – feeling like I was being ‘helpful’ to people letting them know what they were like (my opinion of what they were like, my interpretation). I still find myself wanting to do it sometimes – it always starts with a judgement and then a sort of arrogance that I know something they don’t, always framed as me simply being helpful, that they could be ‘better’ if they only listened to me.

    It comes I think from that way of thinking that we are all in need of ‘fixing’ so that we can return to some sort of perfect version of ourselves. Religion (original sin) and psychotherapy and have blinded us to the fact that we are just who we are right now and can’t be anyone else. Yes, we are formed from birth by our experiences and interactions with the world, some pleasant and some hideous and all in between, but the idea of ‘damage’ is all to do with a notion of ideals and perfection which are mere fantasies. The only thing I feel the need to be healed of is feeling I’m not good enough just the way I am today, right now.

    And when I remember that I seem to be able to see others that way too, as perfect in this moment. Then it’s easier to resist the temptation to change them and instead focus on the next step I want to take today towards what I’d prefer my life to be like.

    That’s kind of what surrender means to me. With a guy it’s just that – recognising that he is who he is right now and that’s all I can respond to. Yesterday he was different, tomorrow he’ll be different and I will have to respond to that. Rather than wanting him to conform to what I want him to be like – even to the extent of smiling at me let alone doing things like phoning or taking control of a date etc – just responding in the moment without it being manipulative and controlling. The less I do it, the more I see how subtle the desire to manipulate and control can be. The most powerful Rori Raye exercise I did was the tensing and release one that made me realise how hard I grasped on to a man and how that could only produce the response to pull away.

    At first surrendering and letting people be was very uncomfortable I found. I felt fear and anxiety a lot of the time. And then after a few months I finally started relaxing and feeling the peace of just being able to be me and let others be them. The guy I’m seeing now, imperfect though the relationship might be, not sure it’s what I want but I’m giving it a chance, he said something right at the beginning which made me want to give it a go – he said ‘you be you and I’ll be me and we’ll see what happens’. 8 months later we’re still muddling along.

    A good friend said to me earlier this year: ‘the only sane way to live life is to get up in the morning and think, ooh I wonder what’s going to happen to me today.’ Life goes a lot better when I remember to do that!!

  87.  #87Lakshmi on December 23, 2010 at 12:58 am

    Oh, and Dorothea, in case you didn’t see my post yesterday, I’m definitely still interested in the health info you have!

    Sirens, peace and love to you all.

  88.  #88Laughing Goddess on December 23, 2010 at 2:05 am

    Haha Dorothea. What can I say? I am a gift after all. 😉

    I imagining you being showered with blessings on this day.

  89.  #89Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 2:28 am


    RE: #86 – **Applause!!** What an excellent, timely article you wrote there! Thanks, I needed that! It hit me like a good can of whoop a$$!

    The Queen of Overfunctioning also
    The Queen of Overeating also
    The Queen of Overindulging also
    The Queen of Overspending also
    The Queen of Overcontrolling

    If it begins with “over”, I’m all over it!

  90.  #90Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 2:29 am


    If you put me in touch with X, I’d be happy to deliver a nice can of whoop a$$ to him myself! What do you think?

  91.  #91Rosa on December 23, 2010 at 2:41 am

    meemee ,I have begun to wonder about you agreeing to secrecy. In fact at this point I would be tempted to be open with” the girlfriends” at the office if the subject comes up, after all , you leave very soon. You have NOTHING to lose and much power and presence to gain whilst being in your truth.

    A conspiracy of silence only exists if you agree to remain silent. The truth is liberating when spoken aloud .Truth will empower you.

    ” oh X ? Yes he seems stressed lately. I feel upset too. I believe he is reacting to me calling off our dating relationship after these three years. i do feel I have done the right thing however as he is not offering what i need in a relationship at this time. I feel so relieved to have made this clear to him ” ..

    Now how would THAT feel?

  92.  #92Rosa on December 23, 2010 at 2:44 am

    The “secrecy factor” is the most powerful weapon of an abuser..abuse thrives on agreements to remain SILENT..When a person agrees to not speak the truth, and to actively HIDE the truth , the victim is disempowered .

    I feel sick thinking about this abuse …
    The truth will set you free….

  93.  #93Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 3:11 am

    91 and 92
    I was before reading your posts thinking of the same thing- I had made a decision that I will not cover this up again. Not as an act of revenge. But as part of liberating myself.
    He still walks around the office saying hi to me. and making comments and stuff like that. After all the shouting he appears nothing happened, and we are “good friends”
    I am saying f*ck off to that attitude. I have nothing to lose as you said. Right now I am trying to take deep care of my feelings.
    But if he ever ever tries to manipulate me by trying to talk to me in front of his friends or by trying to act too smooth and “all-is-fine”, I will not even care how many people are around. I will respond to the situation.
    He is acting too smart now. He knows I am hurt. He knows I have no one to go and share such things. So he smiles and act as in his scheme of things I fit perfectly as an “acquaintance or a colleague” (to use his words).
    I will never ever shut up if my boundaries are violated.
    What had a very clear good bye session. If he thinks he can say good bye to “one bit” and keep the “other bit” by acting friendly, he is clearly wrong.

  94.  #94Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 3:19 am


  95.  #95Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 3:22 am

    And Rosa
    I was mourning and hurting myself thinking that “Oh its all about sex, he does not care or love me abd blah blah”
    Blooody, it is not even about sex. It is about POWER and nothing but power and control.
    If I be with him, he wins because I agree to be with him. If I leave then also he wins, because he loses nothing and can keep the entire 3 year’s episode under dark.
    I realize now, what the situation is!!!

  96.  #96Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 3:29 am

    I could sense the power when he was talking to me. He told me he made promises of good future and good behavior and promises that he will take me out publicly and stuff because that was needed at that time. Now he has more clarity. He has a scheme: his parents, his friends, his second subset of friends and then the rest of the world. I don’t figure in in this scheme. He with what sparking arrogance he said “you either make yourself fit into this scheme or we can continue as colleagues”!!!!
    And yes, he did not forget to tell that the situation got worse because I cried and did “mind f*cking conversations”. Otherwise things would have been fine.
    And also, when I left he said “you have invited a crisis by doing mind f*cking dialogues. This is a crisis you created!!!”
    Is he human 🙂 🙂 🙂

  97.  #97Jennifer on December 23, 2010 at 4:10 am

    sure, he’s human.
    He’s a narcissistic, self indulgent, arrogant, no good, low lying, scum sucking, back stabbing, Bastard son of Satan………….but genetically human.
    I agree with Rosa…..
    Only I’m not so magnanimous about the whole thing.
    I might consider telling EVERYONE…but not only to heal me…..but to shank him.
    What does this guy love?
    Secrecy and power?
    What would make his head explode?
    Not being able to stop you from telling everyone in da place about your three year abusive relationship.

    But then….I have moments where I’m not so evolved.
    Maybe you should listen to Rosa.

  98.  #98Jennifer on December 23, 2010 at 4:13 am

    oh…and FYI…if you *DO* tell everyone………be aware…he is gonna yell!!!!
    And deny. And call you a nutter. And say it never happened. IF he puts a hand on you…take the heel of your hand and DRIVE it into his mouth. Then kick him in the junk and RUN!

  99.  #99Rosa on December 23, 2010 at 4:27 am

    Jennifer and Meemee,

    Dont forget I recently blew the secrecy with G-man big time..and it truly liberated me.

    I realised that I was standing by watching him hurting more people with his tactics . He was trying to entrap another woman and omitted to mention he was seeing me at the same time for over a year. I spoke up loud and clear. I only felt skanky for about 5 minutes ..

    The issue is that when you do it, it means GOODBYE..he will leave you alone if you speak up about the situation . That means you must be truly ready to discard and delete..YOU ARE THEN FREE. I felt free the moment I spoke.

    I cried , i felt some loss, i felt slight skankiness but I stopped tolerating the game. i refused to play by his dirty rules for one moment more. When I spoke he knew it was game over. I did it when he preyed on me as I was sick and weak in hospital and after surgery. My voice was heard.

    This TOLD him clearly that I meant it . It was totally unambiguous. It was my best chance of keeping him away from me. he is like X ..silver tongue, smart , selfish totally and uninterested in womens feelings.
    G-Man took it a notch higher though by involving family , mine and his , and treating me like I was special , till he got what he wanted and moved on. (The family links are designed to keep the doors open in the future, building webs of contact with no foundation or basis and calling it “friends”, which made me an unwilling and unwitting ‘Friend With benefits”

    Meemee , you are a colleague with benefits ..F*ck Him Off !!!!

    Jennifer I love your frank comments and pithy words… 🙂

  100.  #100Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 6:52 am

    Meemee consider that if you speak you are using your experience to protect another sister. This is hard for you but there are so many messages in the experience. You will have knowledge to help your daughter, you have know to help your colleagues, this crisis could be someone’s salvation. You don’t know if another of your colleagues did not experience the same thing with X recently. My father once said “a dog who sucks eggs will always suck eggs”. This man has to want to change to do so and he will always do this to other women if he does not change. As a matter of fact I would not be surprised if this is his method of operating. It is sad by I empathize and sympathize with him because there must be something in himself that he hates why he treated you so despicably. Anyway take heart my dear you “will survive as long as you know how to love I know you’ll stay alive because I know “you are strong, you are invincible, you are WOMAN”.

  101.  #101Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 7:08 am

    Lovely gracious Meemee remember the darkest hour is just before the dawn.

  102.  #102AmberS on December 23, 2010 at 7:53 am


    I feel sad. I read your comments and that you feel henpecked and I feel gross.

    I don’t want to feel limited in what I can say to you.

    When I see your response of martyrdom and the sarcasm I feel immediately hot and angry. I feel stung. I experience you like a cactus.

    I would like very much for you to assume that we are here communicating with the intent to learn and love.

    I feel powerless and puzzled at how this shift can happen for you.

    What would make this possible?

    With love- Amber

  103.  #103AmberS on December 23, 2010 at 8:05 am


    Hallelujah!!! Your check arrived! I am SO happy for you! You are in the flow and things will just continue to get brighter.

    I have a x-mas wish. I wish for you the love and patience you give to others. I wish the deep and abiding knowledge that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, cradled in the embrace of the divine.

    I hope that you will allow yourself all of the time in the world to heal, physically and your heart. You are on your path and if you hurry you may miss the blessings along the way.

    Much love- Amber

  104.  #104AmberS on December 23, 2010 at 8:10 am


    I am completely amazed at you. You went from baby steps to ROCK STAR DIVA in no time at all.


    You ROCK.

  105.  #105AmberS on December 23, 2010 at 8:15 am


    It’s good to see you! I have been wanting to ask what you found when you looked at your money beliefs? I know- a couple threads ago. That must be why we call them threads. When we move to a new one the ends are sometimes left dangling. LOL.

    Maybe that’s why we’re all learning to knit! Bah!

    I have a selfish request of you. I’m having some IB stuff with my daughter. Anytime you feel up to helping me – I would really appreciate it.

  106.  #106Soul Sista on December 23, 2010 at 8:36 am

    Mornin’ ladies ~ it feels good to be back on the forum amongst you goddesses. it felt great to see the love and support given to Memee! because, i can relate in a general way.

    i started to lean forward and sending emails. nothing big, just i love you with hugs and stars and things…

    which then left me feeling confused. and i feel confused a lot when it comes to contact and no contact because i am in business with this guy.

    i remember tinque said to me “wear your boy hat in business” rori said to me, “ask for what you want in business.” and i was still really confused.

    well, what i love about all the support i see for Memmee is that it makes it easier to be gentle with myself because this is undoing of a lot of old patterns while trying to reclaim myself as a goddess. i’m gonna make mistakes. but they are not fatal.

    so, i am starting to understand the difference between boy and girl energy. it’s 2 different modes of being and i’m learning, slowly, but i’m learning.

    what i’m learning is that in business i have to lean forward to do business. in relationship, i don’t lean forward, i lean back and it’s not about what he does it’s about how i feel.

    am i getting it now? LOL

  107.  #107Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 9:11 am


    I checked Amtrak schedules and fares to Montreal and found that round trip is only about $112. Interesting… what if I went and lived there for a few months… August, September, October?

    It’s something to think about…delicious thoughts. I’ll have to think more on it in the late spring. My medical situation has me wiped out as I had no medical insurance, a big chunk out of small bank accounts and my part time job, of course, gone and no unemployment benefits.

    I didn’t plan to “retire” for five more years but I think I will never retire, I’ll find things to do that will allow me to make a living by being me 😀 and I have a small amount of “family money” a minuscule amount. 😆

    So what that I have already spent my way into March 2011. Teehee! 😆 I don’t care… I can walk now! And I bounce back. Once one figures out survival is possible no matter what, it’s extremely liberating because once that is known it’s “let the games begin” everything else is extra goodies.

    If you have any Montreal places to recommend please let me know. I’d like to scout those online, that’s a big part of the fun.


  108.  #108Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 9:16 am

    jeannette, my son sometimes feels jealous that his sister gets “free money” (ssi) … but he knows that if he had a choice btwn having a chronic painful tiring fatal disease with free money and being healthy with earning money… he would choose what he has over what she has. And she would choose that too if she could.

  109.  #109Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Rosa (and Meemee)

    RE: #91 – Love it! I was thinking the same. Do it!!!

  110.  #110Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 9:31 am

    Meemee (& Jennifer)…

    #97 – What Jennifer said!! Yeah! I agree!

  111.  #111Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 9:34 am

    Meemee (& Fem Woman),

    RE: #100 – My guess is that he has the exact same secret relationship with 2 or 3 other women in the office…thus the secrecy. If you blew the lid off His Evilness, you most likely would save the sanity and heart of other women in the office. You are leaving…what the he*ll?! Why not?

  112.  #112Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 9:40 am


    RE: #102 – I have been extremely receptive to much on this blog that has instructed me. But when people, or one particular person, in this case, comes at me again and again with supposed “faults” that are things I did not do wrong, I feel angry.

    I feel unsafe to vent freely on the blog, and I just want to go elsewhere, where I can talk freely. SLV’s responses feel like being henpecked by my parents all over again. In my world, no matter what I did was wrong. I am no longer willing to own every single little thing I say as wrong.

    I’m sick of having every word I say dissected so other people can ignore their own issues. If everyone else is perfect, then they can continue to pretend to be perfect by nitpicking me. I’m sick of it. I have tried polite feeling messages and I continue to feel henpecked.

  113.  #113Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 10:09 am

    I am getting over it slowly. It had sort of completely shattered me. Now I am regaining strength and power.
    Now I am going share here something which will make many of you so angry and feel like slapping me. I had sex with him the day I broke with him.
    I know I did the greatest mistake.
    He came home that morning. I was unprepared. He came with a box of chocolate and told me with so much repentance that he is sorry for all what he did. He said he wants to make me happy and so and so. We got into a conversation and ended up hugging and kissing each other and finally in bed.
    I feel so ashamed of myself when I think of that. That I surrendered to my physical feelings and his sweet words.
    After that he took me out in his car and it was in his car he declared that he still wants it to be a secret. I was shocked. An hour ago he was telling me I am the only one he wants. He wants me forever. And he wants me in his life. He will do whatever that is required to make me feel happy and safe.
    I sat in his car paralyzed unable to believe what he was saying. When I asked about the promises me made he made his classic statement
    “It was needed then to make peace. Then I did not have clarity. Now I have it. Everything is within the secrecy scheme. You either accept him or leave”
    I was speechless. I had tears in my eyes. Then he started shouting at me again saying that my crying is driving me crazy and I am driving him crazy by crying and pressurizing him and blah blah.
    I was so so shocked and paralyzed. I was being foolish. I surrendered to his touch and kisses. I believed his words.
    I felt ashamed. This is all what it takes- half an hour of mindless promises and sweet words- to get me to bed.
    I felt like killing myself.
    I got so shocked I told him if not for his promises I would not have made myself emotionally and physically available to him. He said
    “Sex does not matter. What you feel or what hurts you does not matter. It is the scheme that matters. You can either be willing to obey my scheme of secrecy or leave”.
    Before leaving he said, we should not talk today because we are so f*cked up today and we should talk after two days.

    I know many of you want to kill me and slap me on my face. I am sorry ladies. I did a mistake. The greatest mistake. I want to get over this mistake. I want to feel free.

    I am in the process of forgiving myself. I am sitting here worrying over whether I will get pregnant many many things. I know I might not. But I am simply getting worried.

    I am available for a round of bashing from all of you 🙂 🙂
    I know I did a mistake. But I need your support and wisdom now. I need it.

  114.  #114Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 10:11 am

    I am feeling so ashamed to share this with you. It was a major lapse.
    But I feel happy that I have the freedom here to tell you people everything.
    That I dont have to hide.

  115.  #115Dorothea on December 23, 2010 at 10:16 am

    meemee, i’m confused. when did you sleep with him?

  116.  #116tinque on December 23, 2010 at 10:16 am

    “am i getting it now?”

    yes Soul Sista, yes.

  117.  #117Soul Sista on December 23, 2010 at 10:16 am

    Meemee ~ you are so lucky to be here to are way ahead of the game. you are NOT the only woman on this planet to be acting out this pattern…there are so may women going through this and have no one to help them navigate their way out of it!

    i’m glad you posted it and i’m glad you are here!


  118.  #118Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 10:18 am


    I got the impression you had sex with him from all you said. You are loved. We love you and accept you xactly the way you are.

    Just love and embrace your weak parts. Scum like him need time and actions to prove their words after they have a track record of being self-centered, uncaring a$$holes.

    You are the victim here. You trusted. Trusting is not a crime. Give yourself hugs and bubble baths! It is over. You are free.

    Much Love,

  119.  #119tinque on December 23, 2010 at 10:20 am

    Meemme – this is not a lapse, and I can almost guarantee no one here will want to slap you let alone kill you.
    This is all part of your process. If this is what had to transpire in order for you to see clearly, then this is your way, and it’s very okay.
    You got to feel good in the moment which isn’t such a bad thing, and now you so know what the score is, and you proceed with clarity.
    You did NOTHING wrong. Please try to believe this.

  120.  #120Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 10:23 am


    Your ever-accepting, kind presence on here has been very healing and soothing to me. I really appreciate you.

    Love, Brenda

  121.  #121tinque on December 23, 2010 at 10:25 am

    Thank you Brenda, I feel touched.


  122.  #122Soul Sista on December 23, 2010 at 10:29 am

    tinque ~ thanks. i also had to act out the pattern in a bit to get to a new level of clarity with this guy. spent the whole morning going over legal stuff that i last night accused a point in a contract as a “slap in the face.” which, it did look like and would look like on the surface. we spent all morning getting back to why we worded that way and i was tempted to beat myself but i’m human, i’m not a lawyer, contracts (especially 3 page ones) are confusing!

    i was triggered by a contract i signed with my ex-husband, no lwayer, which left me financially destitute for years. that’s just the way it is. i’m still working through it.

    but, getting back to “how i feel” i had the realization in the bathtub that Rori talks about when she cared more about how she felt and left for the weekend. it’s not that you are now so angry with the man that you storm out and are gonna do “whatever i want now to make ME happy.” it’s that you realize it really never was about what he was doing…and you have a shift into what you are feeling and you are about that more than anything. then you are attractive to all men!

  123.  #123Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 10:29 am


    In the mid-90s, I wasted 1.5 years on a man who consistently lied, stole, did drugs, drank, and dragged down my life in just about every way.

    A street-smart friend repeatedly told me to tell him, “Beat it and don’t look back!” I kept having faith in him. I had feelings for him. I wanted to give him unconditional love. Finally, after 1.5 years of him taking advantage of me and draining my resources, it finally clicked that he was just going to continue being ungrateful and draining my resources. It took a long time, but I finally saw the light and got free.

    After that I was one step closer to protecting myself. It was hard for me to be patient with myself, too.

  124.  #124Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 10:32 am

    Soul Sista,

    Beautiful! BTW, your music is beautiful, too! I was finally able to connect speakers to my computer! You’re a wild woman! 🙂

    The other Brenda

  125.  #125tinque on December 23, 2010 at 10:32 am

    Oh yes Soul Sista, triple yes. You are SO getting it. It’s never about them. It’s always about us and our stuff and our perceptions and our projections.
    Heal you, and there’s a chance he will heal too, right along with if he’s a good man that is.
    Men take our lead in this for the most part, not consciously mind you.
    I look back over the years, and the changes in K as I changed are HUGE. And we grew so beautifully together. I wish this for all here.

  126.  #126Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Thanks Ladies.
    I feel accepted now. I feel really really accepted.
    I felt cheated. He said he will treat me like a lady and he loves me so much so that he will take me to public and stuff like that. Then after sex when he took me out for a dinner he contradicted everything he promised. I am not blaming him. I should have been more careful.
    When I got out of the car he said “Mee, don’t rest assured that we are breaking up. You are inviting this crisis. You are ruining yourself by being adamant and by crying and doing all this drama”
    I feel so funny when I think of that.
    How could I have been so foolish?!!!
    I accepted what happened. I accept I did it. I am forgiving myself.

  127.  #127Soul Sista on December 23, 2010 at 10:35 am

    tinque ~ yeah, i know this theoretically but it’s another thing to have the realization and be it! and it’s very liberating…i’m glad i stuck with it. because, i took a few days off feeling very confused then having to act out a little again. but now i get it.

    brenda ~ yahooooo! awesome and cool beans!

  128.  #128Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 10:38 am

    The time I spent in his car was the moment of truth for me.
    I finally understood that he will do and say anything to get what he wants.
    It finally got into my head.
    His words are coming back to me “The contract of secrecy was always there. Is always there. I thought you knew it. I promised to treat you with love and care and respect as a woman. I didnt promise to treat you as my woman”.

    I love you all.
    This support meaning so much to me.
    I feel accepeted here.
    I am not ashamed anymore

  129.  #129Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 10:40 am

    Tight hugs back to you.
    Thank you

  130.  #130Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 10:47 am

    Tinque and Sista
    Yes. Now I know clearly. I was not even enjoying sex. I was repeatedly asking him I hope you completely understood what I ask for and what my demands are and he kept saying “Yes babe, yes babe”.
    Then after sex when he was shouting at me he explained to me what he meant. “Mee, I dont hate anyone. When I say I love you, that is what I mean”
    Gosh!!! I still do not know how I overcame that moment and the urge to slap him tight.
    I feel calm now. I feel powerful now. I dont care what he has to say or do. Even if the world changes and he comes up with his entire family and declares his love from the top of the mountain or in the public, I DONT WANT THIS MAN.
    Thank you

  131.  #131Simply Shannon on December 23, 2010 at 10:50 am

    Snowqueen, Wow, I just went back and read your post. This is my journey too. I feel so bad for how I have judged people as imperfect. I want so much to fix what I see in them. A part of it is selfishness. I want them to fix themselves (the part of ME that I can see in them!) in order to prove to me that *I* can fix myself.

    I’ve been sensing this a lot lately. So many women I’m meeting. I see the brokenness in them because it’s a reflection of the brokenness in myself! I’m trying to let go and realize that I am not anyone’s savior. (There is only one of those in this world!) Trusting through baby steps that God is in control, not me.

    This reminds me that as I heal myself, I heal others. It’s the opposite of what I’ve been doing. Love your neighbor as yourself. The more I love and forgive myself, the more I CAN love and forgive my neighbor! I’m seeing now that it’s not possible to really love someone else more than I love myself. A healthy love for me means a healthy love for another person.

    I’ve even started telling these other people that when I give advice it’s because I want them to heal for ME. I just state it out loud. It feels embarrassing but that is the truth. I see that now. I don’t want to control anyone else especially by manipulating them (aka advising them) into healing me!

    Thank you Snowqueen for writing your post! I got a lot of it. 🙂 Shannon

  132.  #132Meemee on December 23, 2010 at 10:53 am

    He had given me a gift. Something that men usually gift their wives or prpective wives here in our culture- a silver container to keep the saffron powder (Married women put a saffron mark on their foreheads in our culture).
    Today I kept it back on his table. I didnt feel like doing yet another drama by talking and giving it back.
    I didnt want to keep it with me.
    I left it on his table. Then I left office.

  133.  #133Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 10:54 am

    @112 Brenda

    Your attempts to read my mind and announce your guesses as facts about me is truly unfair. Another way of putting it is “lies.”

    You have so crossed over boundaries in lumping me in with something that happened with your parents. I do not endorse “henpecking.”

    I’m the only poster you mention by name. Are you also hinting about me? when you say:
    “…I’m sick of having every word I say dissected so other people can ignore their own issues…

    The flaw here is that although you might feel “sick”, which I will not dispute because you know how you feel and that’s your truth, simply appending something else onto the sentence does not also make that assertion true. That is basic Logic 101.

    I won’t speak for other people but I am not ignoring my own issues. I am working on them and that’s one reason I am here every day reading, asking questions and tweaking my thoughts, ideas and words that I use.

    I might not whine and complain a lot but I have plenty to work on. I’m working on difficulties but I feel happy about my life in the moment and in the future. Which is not to say i don’t have sad moments or tears, even physical pain; I do, often, in some weeks.

    My thinking is that life is short and I tend to look for solutions instead of dwelling. This is what I was taught and this is what we teach our children.

    I will speak more of these things, the ones that concern me and what I am working on, another time. Today, l have more Christmas gifts to buy and I’m loving this day that I have been granted to live. Each day that I’m still above ground is a good one. 😀

    P.S. I wish I had a sweetie to share my joys. I hope this wish comes true and I have a sweetie for next Christmas season… we shall see…

  134.  #134Laughing Goddess on December 23, 2010 at 10:57 am

    Hi Amber,

    Mmmm, the energy of money….that’s percolating (sp?) for me still. I bought Wendi Freisen’s hypnosis cd’s on abundance as a gift to myself. I haven’t started listening yet. Mostly, I feel good about money. I see it as another resource I see it as neutral. It only becomes a positive or negative thing based on how I choose to perceive it. I like to work. I love to work actually. But I also like to have certain freedom of my time. Thanks for asking. Answering your question is helping me to get more clear. Mostly I feel friendly with $. Money is my friend. No big deal.

    I breathe it in just like air and let it go, knowing that there will be more when I need it.

    I’d love to hear more about IB and your daughter and help in any way I can.


  135.  #135Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 11:03 am


    Your life is precious this is just one experience. I understand worrying about being pregnant as some of us has been there. In as much as this might be the last thing you want it would amaze you how God would use that child to help you heal. I have been there.

    One lesson here is that men live in the moment. They will do or say anything for sex. Rori teaches us to focus on ourselves and how we feel. Maybe you should go back in your memory and check your feelings to see if something was there nagging at you even while he was apologizing. This will help you to pay attention to your intuition.

    Please also remember that chemically you will be hooked to him for a while. You were physically involved with him and naturally your body will take a while to readjust itself. Once he is in your presence it will be easy for you to melt. That is natural and you don’t want to lose that ability by shutting yourself off and becoming jaded. Been there done that and regretted it.

    Your mind also needs to be off of him. Try to think of times when you were happy and do things that will make you happy.

  136.  #136Simply Shannon on December 23, 2010 at 11:05 am

    Meemee, I’m hugging you tight dear lady! Oh my. How many times I’ve done this. Slept with a man and regretted it as soon as it was over. Ugh. This is a pattern you can now break. I LOVED what Tinque said to you. SOOOO TRUE!!! You had to go through this part to really see. It’s okay. In the end, this will be worth it because NOW you see.

    Let’s reframe the story, shall we…

    X came over and wow, we had some good sex. But alas, he only wants a secret tryst. I’m so over the secrecy. He got really angry because he doesn’t want to let me go. (Surprise surprise. I am a siren after all.) He doesn’t want what I want. It’s okay. I release him to be with someone else. What he’s offering is not enough for me anymore. So now I am breaking up with him. I will no longer remain in secret. If anyone should ask what happened, I’m going to tell the truth. I never signed a contract for secrecy. It’s his secret to keep, not mine. Not any longer. Thank you X for the decent sex. It was enough for a long time but not anymore.

    Yep. I like this story.

  137.  #137Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 11:07 am

    SLV and Brenda is it possible that we all can take 100% responsibility for what we say and what we attract to ourselves to maybe see what will result. I am wondering if exchanges like these is something our men experience and sometimes dread why they do or don’t respond to us.

  138.  #138Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 11:11 am


    “P.S. I wish I had a sweetie to share my joys. I hope this wish comes true and I have a sweetie for next Christmas season…”

    I smiled reading this sweet little expression of your wish.

    I wish that for all of us.


  139.  #139Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 11:13 am

    SS that is just brilliant. Taking the power back and making the story beautiful. As we have heard over and over and as the X also said “it was just sex”. The relationship is what is important??!! I am questioning myself on as I am not so clear and hope someone will clarify for me. Is it the reason for “Have the Relationship you Want”. If so Meemee set your intention and choose your relationship now. There is information out there that when you set your intention it goes into your cells and nothing can get you to budge. Your degree of difficulty will increase and you will become his high value woman when he comes back or thinks of you again, because believe me if he knows where you are he will come back. Even if he does not know where you are he will search for you, he will not be able to help himself.

  140.  #140Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 11:15 am


    I still feel sad and angry when I think about the 1.5 years of my life I wasted on the horrible man that was in my life, Jim. What I realized at the end of that relationship is sometimes learning is like a baby.

    The first time a baby encounters steps, she doesn’t realize there is danger and that she can fall. All the world looks like a fun adventure to be explored. Everyone can call, “Be careful! Don’t fall down the steps!” But sometimes the only way we can understand the danger is to fall. Then after that, our souls develop red flags that warn us naturally.

    It really does take time, and I wish it didn’t, because I wish none of us would have to fall down the steps. I feel sad and I feel your pain.

    But yes, it WAS his fault. He lied to you. Don’t let him manipulate your psychological self to believe that any of this is your fault.

    You loved. You trusted. A woman was made to do those things. You didn’t create drama. He created pain. You learned to stand up to that pain.

    I’m glad you gave back his gift. He is a liar and a user.

  141.  #141Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 11:17 am

    @113 Meemee says:

    “I am in the process of forgiving myself. I am sitting here worrying over whether I will get pregnant many many things. I know I might not. But I am simply getting worried.”

    Forgive yourself, kiss yourself, keep on moving.

    Don’t let worry over an unplanned pregnancy add to your heartache. Get some medical attention immediately!!! If sex occurred within few days ago “morning after” medication might prevent a pregnancy. This is what I would tell a daughter.

    It is my intention to share what I’ve learned and experienced to make the way easier for other women.

    I realize from being on this blog for a few months how fortunate I am to have had people in my life to support and guide me through becoming a young woman and living through life thereafter.

    I feel like going down on my knees in gratitude. I think I will.


    “…I am available for a round of bashing from all of you…”

    No bashing, sweet cakes… 😀

  142.  #142Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 11:18 am

    I’m overcome in prayerful gratitude.

  143.  #143Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 11:19 am


    I am surviving in my life. I am balancing on quicksand and one step from going under. I don’t like petty criticism, and a lot of your posts to me feel frustrating and annoying. I am sorry for being harsh. I have tried to walk on eggshells by using feeling messages and the petty nitpicking just kept coming. I need love and acceptance as much as Meemee does.

    And I know you do, too. I’m sorry I was harsh. I am extremely tense and I just don’t have much patience for feeling messages right now.

    I misplaced a paper that I need for unemployment. It’s their own record that they are requiring me to provide. Until I find it, they are giving me $200 less a week than they normally would. I could very quickly lose my home or my car.

    Just please don’t dissect every word I say. I love you, and again, I’m sorry. Merry Christmas!

    Love, Brenda

  144.  #144Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 11:21 am

    Re 140 Thanks Brenda for those words as I take them for me too. He also has some maturing to do and will deal with himself internally when he remembers his behavior and treatment of this lady who was only seeking to take care of herself. He will face his demons. Also Brenda that is the reason we have to set boundaries for men and trust ourselves. I am learning too and I feel fear deep in my stomach as I write this and sweat on my face because I am so afraid of losing at love but if that is the way the universe works I am willing to try. I am now convince that at the end I will have my happily ever after.

  145.  #145Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 11:22 am

    I come here to unwind right now.

  146.  #146Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 11:23 am


    “…It’s his secret to keep, not mine. Not any longer. Thank you X for the decent sex. It was enough for a long time but not anymore.
    Yep. I like this story….”

    Good going SS. I like that story too.


  147.  #147Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 11:29 am

    To X,

    I write to you as a collective way to write to all the jacka$$ men who ever hurt me and hurt all my precious Siren sisters here.

    You self-centered bastard! You don’t deserve to have a penis! All you care about is yourself! You don’t give a sh*it for all the beautiful, tender women you use, who give you their whole hearts and bodies. I feel so angry at you I want to kick you in the teeth!

    I hope you get a horrible disease that keeps you from inserting the penis you worship into any other woman, ever! No woman deserves the disease of pain and heartache that you spread without a second thought! A$$hole!

    Leave women alone! You don’t deserve a loving woman.


  148.  #148Simply Shannon on December 23, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Femiminewoman, I’m learning that in love, we never lose. We only gain. We experience pain in order to grow and change. Some of my best growth came from crappy circumstances, in particular feeling hurt over lost love!! So I didn’t “lose”. I only gained. Even over the worst love experiences, I can look back and appreciate what each man showed me about myself. I gained more of me in each situation.

    Haha! Probably the only situation in my life where I feel happy about “gaining”. 🙂

    Anyone else baking goodies and wondering where all those calories are gonna go? Gonna get out the stretchy pants for the next few days. LOL!

    Hmmm. I wonder how I will grow today…

  149.  #149Simply Shannon on December 23, 2010 at 11:32 am

    Yeah Brenda! Let it out sista! <3

  150.  #150Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 11:35 am


    Anyway I can help? Not “telling you what to do” just throwing out some brainstorming.

    I’d ask for a state hearing right away, today if you haven’t already, you can usually request over the phone or by fax and when you ask for the hearing tell them you want access to your department of labor file. Sometimes the stuff they require is so “catch-22″…

    Bureaucrats are not so nice sometimes but you could luck up and get somebody to help when you phone for hearing information. I’ve had mostly good luck with Unemployment Benefits people but also one bad one. Give it a try.

    I only want to be supportive, Brenda.


  151.  #151Brenda on December 23, 2010 at 11:36 am


    LOL! I gotta!

  152.  #152Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 11:45 am


    I’ve missed papers and had Unemployment people on the phone fill them out for me and submit them! More than once! so I got checks released. Probably just to get me off the line…tee hee tee hee 😆

    Hang in, it will work out.


  153.  #153Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Looking for the “Like” button for Shannon’s #148… 🙂

  154.  #154Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Thanks SS, reading it now I realize I might have worded it better. What I meant was losing a relationship with a particular man. I recognize that as a limiting belief, thanks for helping me to see that and identify that.

    I release myself of that belief, I always win at love regardless of the outcome.

  155.  #155Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Thanks SS, reading it now I realize I might have worded it better. What I meant was losing a relationship with a particular man. I recognize that as a limiting belief, thanks for helping me to see that and identify that.

    I release myself of that belief, I always win at love regardless of the outcome.

  156.  #156Laughing Goddess on December 23, 2010 at 12:02 pm

    Sexy Lady:

    you said:
    “I’m overcome in prayerful gratitude.”

    Oh my! Yes!

    I have been feeling so much gratitude lately and I am really feeling that it is the spice of life. When I focus on feeling gratitude for the little things I’ve been blessed with, I feel so uplifted and whole and connected and complete.

    Mmmm Yum!

  157.  #157Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    @138: Lucy says:

    “I smiled reading this sweet little expression of your wish.
    I wish that for all of us. <3…"

    Thanks, Lucy.

    I'm putting a "Lucy" sticker in my agenda too… to see how the future unfolds in 2011. I put my EUM down in December, he's a "squirrel" ("trying to hold onto his nut" 😆 ) and he's there to remind me I'll have a year of joy without him.

    Meemee is a bluebird (of happiness) and down for March; I was hoping she'd be on new path (or flight) then.

    I'm putting you in agenda as a little fox (you're a "fox"–pretty woman!) but don't know what month, how about April? You could have a real good relationship going then…

    All these little things inspire me. I like my toys and things to look forward to… 😀

    P.S. I'm glad the stores are open late…

  158.  #158Femininewoman on December 23, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Meemee your situation just reminded me of something Dr. Paul teaches. A man cannot commit without boundaries. We have to set boundaries for him and he has to have his own boundaries. A aha moment for me.

  159.  #159Laughing Goddess on December 23, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    gratitude is the key to experiencing joy and freedom.


  160.  #160Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Thanks SLV! 😀 I feel happy reading that!

  161.  #161Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 12:15 pm


    Yes! It’s a delight to think of a thing I’d enjoyed all along and suddenly WOW, it comes into full view and out of the “taken for granted” realm.

    I enjoy little things too. I find they are fun. Hmmm, thinking now where that comes from and giggling about it…


  162.  #162Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    Trying to decide whether or not to send money I don’t have to my older sister’s kids who I never see … She is sending money for my kids for Christmas… A couple years ago we had a horrendous “falling out” and it has not been resolved… We have never gotten along with each other, since the day I was born (literally)… I don’t know what to do… I want to not send anything — not to be mean, but just bc there seems to be no point … I won’t feel bad if I don’t, except for a lil fear of what they will think of me — which can’t get much worse anyway… In fact, maybe it would be nice to do something that will confirm for them what they already think of me….

    Any thoughts anyone?

  163.  #163Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 12:54 pm

    p.s. The only time my younger sister and I hear from the older one is a couple weeks before Christmas when she emails us to tell us she is sending our kids money for Christmas.

  164.  #164AmberS on December 23, 2010 at 12:56 pm


    What feels most like you being loving to Lucy?

    {{{BIG HUGS}}}

  165.  #165Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Thanks, Amber. That’s a tough question. I really don’t know….


    Thinking about NOT sending money triggers a feeling of playing my usual role in the family as “the difficult one”…..

    Thinking about sending money triggers a feeling of playing along with the dysfunctional “pretend everything is fine” aspect of my family… which is why I became “the difficult one” in the first place (I’ve always had difficulty participating in the fake crap. My younger sister says my problem is that I’m the only honest one in the family.)

  166.  #166Senior Lady Vibe on December 23, 2010 at 1:14 pm

    @163: Lucy says:
    “p.s. The only time my younger sister and I hear from the older one is a couple weeks before Christmas when she emails us to tell us she is sending our kids money for Christmas.”

    Here’s my idea: Send something but only what you can afford. It probably would be fair not to send anything but I’m going to guess you’ll feel better sending, I would. Just do it and then forget about it.

    And for the record I have a sister with a “no speaking” status too…so I know how that is. She once boasted to me…when we were speaking… 😆 that she hadn’t spoken to our third sister in two years! Now she can say that about me, but it’s not entirely true because I phoned her last Christmas, she was undergoing cancer treatment.

    The funny thing is, last Christmas i visited the third sister for over a week during holidays and it was so funny when she told me that “non-speaking” sister–well, those two are now as tight as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee although in separate states–spent several days calling several times a day to see that all the preparations were just so for my visit… 😆

    Ah, sisters! You’ll always be sisters (OK, people don’t hate on me! for writing this) so give her a little something, maybe you’ll come together some year and you can talk about the little somethings you sent (send a couple photos etc) when you were in “non-speak” mode. 😀


  167.  #167tinque on December 23, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Lucy – Giving money you don’t have doesn’t serve anyone. If you feel compelled to give something, make a card.

  168.  #168Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    On another note, I just got this message from a guy on okc:

    subj:shell fish
    msg:the only thing that stands between us

  169.  #169AmberS on December 23, 2010 at 1:21 pm


    I am SO enjoying the love and happiness and glee in your posts. I haven’t known very many people who genuinely enjoy the holiday season. I will read your post (for real- not skim) tonight after work. I just want to say

    I’m smiling ear-to-ear!

    Thank you!

  170.  #170Simply Shannon on December 23, 2010 at 1:42 pm

    Laughing Goddess, I completely agree! It’s like what Siena said once about God always saying yes. When we feel grateful for the things that make us happy, we’re saying yes to those things and God is saying YES too. It’s also like that saying about when one door closes, God opens a window but we linger so long at the closed door, we never see the open window.

    Every situation has an open window (re: something to feel grateful about).

    I feel grateful to my ex for showing me love during the good years, for being a good father to our boys, for being there to show me that I could open my heart to someone I previously despised.

    I feel grateful for A for showing me that I love men who like nature, who aren’t into all the things I’m into, for being strong in many ways, even for hurting me and forcing me to face my own demons.

    I feel grateful to Mr. Fab Kisser for being such an awesome kisser (wow!) and for helping me to define my boundaries about the kind of man I want in my life.

    I feel grateful for my father who shows me his love in his own way, even if it’s not in the words I want to hear. I feel grateful for everything he does for me and for always being someone I can turn to when I need help.

    I feel grateful for my mom’s sense of humor and for being there for me when I need her the most. I know she cares for me and loves me even when I feel crazy and out of control.

    I feel grateful for learning to survive on my own with two boys, even if I struggle from time to time. The lean times show me what really feels important to me.

    I want more of all of these things!!

  171.  #171Simply Shannon on December 23, 2010 at 1:45 pm

    Lucy, I’m on speaking terms with all of my family and I told them I’m only buying gifts for the kids. Non-expensive gifts at that. A) I don’t have money to buy for everyone and B) I don’t want them to feel obligated to give to me. Oh and C) none of us really need anything!

    I felt/feel embarrassed admitting that to them and knowing that Christmas Day there will be gifts for me from them. Going to work my way through those uncomfortable.

    Hey, if anything this will be me practicing just receiving. It does feel uncomfortable just to receive without giving back.

    Maybe this is a chance for you to practice receiving too!

  172.  #172Jennifer on December 23, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Oh, MeeMee…
    nobody here Would Dare to yell or say they wanted to slap your face!
    We’ve all been there.
    Here’s the deal…
    A Narcassit…which I’m convinced X is….does ANYTHING to get what he wants.
    Says anything…does anything…promises anything….lies, manipulates bla bla bla.
    Because in thier minds there is nothing more important that THIER needs.
    So this guy is officially a C*ck S*cker.
    This is a very bad word here…..and I believe in your cluture too.
    Very Bad.
    And he has now earned this label. By lying to a very smart, beautiful woman who COULD have made his life fantastic.
    To sin against love is the ultimate sin in my little world…and he done did it.

  173.  #173Jennifer on December 23, 2010 at 3:11 pm

    Narcassist………LOOK MA I CANT SPELL!!!

  174.  #174tinque on December 23, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    take three – narcissist 🙂

  175.  #175AmberS on December 23, 2010 at 3:15 pm

    I’ve requested no gifts over and over in different situations. Last year Mr. Almost’s family bought little gifts for me & my daughter anyway.

    If I’m ever involved in that type of family dynamic again I’ve decided to announce ahead that any gifts given to me will be opened, appreciated and then re-wrapped and dropped off at the homeless shelter.

    The joy of giving, X2!

  176.  #176Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 4:46 pm

    Thanks for the input about my sister …. I decided to do nothing.

  177.  #177Jennifer on December 23, 2010 at 6:01 pm

    Tinique……..I rewrote it the way I misspelled it cause I was makin fun of me LOL! 😉

  178.  #178Jennifer on December 23, 2010 at 6:09 pm

    My christmas crankies is getting bad.
    A co – ordinator at my office left me a patient list….with no contact info (this makes it hard for me to call people to go see them.) I wanted to crawl through the phone and beat her ass.
    Like with a stick!
    I was at a funeral today……….people showed up in jeans. JEANS!
    not just kids………..ADULTS!
    Frig -a-loo
    I’m gonna start doping myself with gabapentin

  179.  #179Jennifer on December 23, 2010 at 6:17 pm

    But then I’ll have to talk to my doctor…….and he’s an idiot.
    Maybe I’ll just get gamma-aminobutyric acid OTC….nature’s chill pill.
    This might make Jen HAAAAPY!
    bought sexy new black satin robe.
    this makes jen happy
    AND my bowen lady will let me pay for Bowen treatments in installments!

  180.  #180tinque on December 23, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    I see Jenn, sorry…embarrassed face…

  181.  #181Daria on December 23, 2010 at 6:48 pm

    Happy birthday Dorothea!

  182.  #182Lucy on December 23, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    I’m feeling much better tonight… more hopeful, peaceful, joyful… Thank you all for your support, encouragement, love, and prayers. <3

  183.  #183Soul Sista on December 23, 2010 at 7:41 pm

    so…I asked for a “sign” because i’ve been really confused whether to CD for real or CD like married women…

    the truth is i’ve been having terrible mood swings, a couple times a day, crying over what turn out to be delusions…paranoia (the contract issue i was talking abut earlier).

    i asked myself, maybe i need to keep healing myself right now and forget about men altogether (except him but not EVER lean forward).

    i tried to post 2 dating ads on 2 separate sites and neither of them would post!

    then i asked myself, OK, what do i REALLY need to at least have a reasonable amount of happiness, by myself, right now. i need a new bike. so, i asked my mom if she would buy me a new bike after xmas to take to Yuma. she said yes 🙂

    i think i’m on to something…

  184.  #184Daria on December 23, 2010 at 8:23 pm

    i feel weird… with some other Prologue from another guy…

    Dman just called me

    I haven’t talked to him I think since a lil bit after the last time I saw him, which was i think in august and was the last time I had sex

    the no kissing sex… with him going down on me and it felt WOW


    now he LIVES with his babymama

    and he’s much closer

    and he wants to see me

    i miss him

    he misses me

    we are talking it feels kinda good, like friends

    i told him i feel confused and weird sometimes because i started liking him and i know he lives wiht his babymama

    he said soemthing that sounded like an excuse as in “you know how it is when you have kids”


    anyways he relly wants to visit me

    even outside

    not inside a house

    to see me

    he says

    and i said yeah


    i dont know

    i feel good that he wants to visit me

    and kinda bad that its as friends

    id rather it be a date

    id rather i felt adored and wanted (ok i do feel wanted, i don’t feel HONORED though)

    i don’t know how to say this without dragging down the mood

    without not letting what I THINK and my Judgement of the situation cloud how i feel

    which is

    slightly disappointed

    happy to hear from him and that he sounds well

    missing him

    flattered that he is contacting me and remembering special stuff about me like my dream and my birthday and stuff


    then sexy cd called like 8 times earlier

    i calle dhim back

    he said he wants to give me what my body’s been missing

    i got kinda paralyzed

    i said i felt flattered but i don’t know

    what i feel is

    slightly disappointed

    heavily disappointed

    excited that he’s calling me

    afraid to tell him how i feel for fear of “losing” such an opportunity to have sex wiht a sexy man <<— apparently this reminds me of Rori's thing about a favor that men would have sex w me or something




    you freakin sexy ass guys! i feel frustrated with u!

  185.  #185Daria on December 23, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    I feel disappointed to hear that you live with your baby mama. I care about you and miss you and feel happy to hear from you, and… I don’t want to be friends… I like you more than friends and more than friends who sexplore together… I dont really want to talk or meet unless its for a date… even tho id FEEL SOO GOOD AND HAPPY TO SEE U… i dont want to feel bad about being seen as a friend by a man i like… what do you think?

  186.  #186Daria on December 23, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    or just this

    i dont want to feel bad about being seen as a friend by a man i like… what do you think?

  187.  #187Daria on December 23, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    to sexy man…

    i’m feeling kinda scared to talk to u about this… i really like you! and i feel kinda bad and closed down a bit … well i feel really flattered too… that you are asking me about sex… i want to have sex with you when i feel loved and emotionally safe… i don’t want to have sex without going on dates, without kissing, without feeling what it feels like for a man to go down on me… what do you think?

  188.  #188Daria on December 23, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    and to friend i dont feel good with

    im getting a weird vibe alot of times… you are really nice to me but underneath i get a feeling htat you are not really in my corner for me… there’s like a feeling of competition and i dont’ feel safe like that with a friend… i dont want to feel that way… what do you think?

  189.  #189Rosa on December 23, 2010 at 8:51 pm

    Sigh Meemee,

    Of course you had sex with X, that is because you have a loving and TRUSTING nature. I did the same with G when the silver words washed over me.

    I used to believe if I was patient and persistent he would give in to his underlying desire for a relationship with me. WRONG!!!!!! That love would win through…WRONGER !!!!!!.That the reason he kept coming back was because we were meant to be together …WRONGEST!!!!!!! That is delusional thinking ..crazy crazy..I learned but it sure took a while. You are doing very well.

    But I had to learn that persistence is dangerous when warning signs are ignored , and patience is foolhardy and sick-making if one is patient with a bad man who as X said , is NOT INTERESTED in feelings , only in his scheme.

    I would so love to see you blow his cover , keep the little silver box and tell his GF’s that you thought you were loved and here was his evidence , but that he did not come through with the relationship to match his words..YES!!! I think it almost guaranteed at least one of them is likely in a similar situation with him.

    Go Brenda –

  190.  #190Rosa on December 23, 2010 at 8:52 pm

    Thank you Amber.
    Good luck with your radical lifestyle change !

  191.  #191Darling Ella on December 23, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    I want to surrender to God…to the Universe…

    I feel intrigued by this telecourse curriculum…

  192.  #192Darling Ella on December 23, 2010 at 9:08 pm

    Soul Sista #183:

    I feel relieved to see you back…A few blogs back, I felt worried about you…

    Dating like a “married woman”…feels like the safest environment for you to start the “babysteps”…and for me for that matter…

    Healing takes time…

    A few weeks ago friend of mine made a piercing comment when I told her I am back dating…yet, that after several dates and communication for a couple of weeks, I realized I am emotionally unavailable…She said…”Well, then u shouldn’t do it…it’s not fair…most of these guys are looking for something serious…it’s not nice to lead them on…”…I felt stunned…I remembered saying to her…”well, than how would I know if I am unavailable if I don’t try meeting people?

    Anyway, I pondered over my situation…and the “married” CD seems to be the right way for the moment…

    Warm hugs,

  193.  #193Soul Sista on December 23, 2010 at 9:14 pm

    darling ella ~ thanks i appreciate that. i’ve gone through a lot the last couple of years and i really need some stability more than anything right now.

    my mom and i are getting ready to go to AZ in 3 weeks and it’s a wonderful healing time for us to be together and have fun. i’ve been talking to her about the importance of taking care of her body through exercise and, we just watched Jane Fonda (72) on Oprah so i’m gonna buy her the new JF workout DVD because my mom is inspired to start working out!

    i feel happy, loved and free.

  194.  #194Darling Ella on December 23, 2010 at 9:22 pm


    I often felt ignored by you…Your story is very compelling and similar to my own situation…and many other women…

    Don’t bit yourself up about giving in and having sex with him…please don’t…I feel tearful hearing u say it like u are afraid of being judged…You have a heart…a big heart…there is nothing wrong with you…:)

    I noticed a few other sirens mentioned about him being a narcissist…I told you this in several blogs…When you feel better, understanding this disorder might give you validation and great material to identify toxic men early on (keep in mind, it is likely to attract another toxic man)…Just a thought…

    Warm hugs,

  195.  #195LonePlum on December 23, 2010 at 9:59 pm

    Happy Birthday Dorothea 🙂

  196.  #196LonePlum on December 23, 2010 at 10:11 pm

    Thinking of Meemee

    Wishing she is keeping her head out of the water.
    Keep swimming towards safe dry lands. You’ll be fine.
    In the mean time, keep aware. Hold on your buoy, grab it real strong.
    He will come back, he will try again to make you let go off your buoy and to drag you at the bottom under the water again.
    Be aware, spot him swimming back at you, so you can kick him in the teeth with your feet before he can reach your hands.
    Don’t let him take your hands off your buoy.

    Keep grabbing hard on your experience that his words mean nothing.
    Don’t open your door next time he knocks at it.
    Keep in mind you do not want to meet him in private places any more.
    You do not want to hear his words any more
    You are done with privacy and words

    You gave the relationship one last chance.
    You made sure that you were not mistaken in wanting to break from him.
    Fair enough
    Now you know
    You were not mistaken, he does not want a relationship with you.
    He is having a relationship with himself about power. Let him struggle, get out of there.

    Once in a while you will doubt again
    You will wonder if he loves you and if you should let him in your flat again
    When this happens, remember that he does have a way to love you, you did not shut all possibilities.
    He can tell everybody he loves you. It is up to him.
    So, it is not you who stop him from loving you. He is free to love you.
    It is HIM who is choosing to NOT love you when he keeps the secrecy.
    In short you are losing nothing in keeping your house door shut for him. Because he is giving you nothing.

    In the mean time, you jumped off his boat and you are swimming away
    You will reach safe dry lands
    You will see.
    Don’t let him drag you down under the water and put you back on his boat.
    He said it himself in the coffee shop “the boat is going nowhere”
    His boat is going to sink, meemee, and we don’t want you in it.
    Let him drown on his own.

    At last he said clearly “take it or leave it”
    It is what most men have told sirens
    Don’t feel any different from human condition.
    Feel good that you have that memory for ever that made you aware of mind games and power. It will help you in situations a lot more important than this one.
    And it taught you boundaries that will make your next relationship work.

    But keep aware until you can vanish from his life.
    He can absolutely not imagine you don’t want him
    He will act as if you have not broken up from him.
    He is the king in his sick mind, he is the only one who can say “take it or leave it”
    He was expecting you to say “I take it”
    Today he can not believe you said “I leave it”
    You are not respecting the rules of his game.
    He felt disempowered and shouted
    He will try to get his power back over you.
    You are very tired and weakened, and he will use that to drag you back on the boat
    Do not let the buoy go. Keep swimming away.

    I hope you followed SLV’s advice and went to get the “following day” pill against a possible pregnancy.
    Keep fighting the part of your subconscious that wants to be linked with such a bad man.
    Don’t lose hope and please, stay free.
    Your destiny is around the corner, it won’t be long.

    The secrecy is also a link that ties you to him.
    You shared nothing with that man, but the secrecy
    I feel you are ready today to understand that
    Undo the secret, let it go, let yourself free for real this time.
    Tell the truth.

    You were a virgin, you thought he was loving you.
    It took you time to realize he was using your flat to avoid paying a hotel room.
    He was not even paying a restaurant diner.
    You believed him that he had little time to give you.
    It took you time to get that he was sharing no fun with you at all, just sex.
    He was your first love.

    Hey memee, many women’s boy friends only call to invite themselves at the siren’s house for dinner and sex
    You are not different.

    Some men even make friends with the women’s family and yet, they meet not very often and just for sex . There is no secrecy, yet there is the same pain as in your case.

    many women around the world made babies with disturbed men like X.
    You avoided that situation, you kept your children safe from being X’s children

    Many women made babies who now live without knowing their father
    You did not bring to this world a fatherless child

    Many women lost their house and money on helping out husbands or lovers.
    You have lost no money at all.

    Many women stopped their studies to marry a man who is not with them anymore
    You have lost no studies, you are finishing them brilliantly

    Many women have lost their job to move in their lover’s city and home. Now they are jobless, homeless, and the man is gone from their life
    You have lost no job, you are exactly in the track you chose for yourself.

    Some women spend 10 or even 20 years as a man’s mistress. They wait for the man to stop hiding her and to marry her.
    When they wake up, it is too late, their life is gone. They have not blossomed, not made a real life for themselves. They kept their life on hold for “him”.
    Some even have HIDDEN babies with the man.

    Women have stolen for their man, they are in jails
    And so many things women and men do in the name of love.

    I heard a few days ago that a husband, after 25 years of love and care for his wife, told her, one evening, that men were coming to have sex with her because he wanted to watch her do that
    She thought she had no option but do that.
    She was raped on her husband’s command.
    Her life became a hell during years until the husband died. She did not leave him.

    I mean, if you feel ashamed, then shame is human condition.
    I mean, compared to what humans do, you have not ruined the least bit of your life.
    All you did was to love a man who wants you as a secret mistress for ever. He keeps you from blossoming.
    BUT while he was doing that, you kept studying and working, you kept on your path.
    From today, you can start blossoming. Everything is ready for that.

    There is nothing lost or broken.
    Deceived love hurts you, but you have not jeopardized your life in the least.
    Being used is difficult to process, but you have not jeopardized your future at all.
    You are stopping it on time.

    Secret is a sign of mind manipulation and it is scary for the future.
    That’s why we make a big deal of it.
    But you are right on time to stop secrecy and walk your head up.
    Women and men accept and do a lot worse than what you have accepted

    You have lost NOTHING
    You have broken NOTHING.
    You have abandoned NOTHING and NOBODY
    You have hurt NOBODY
    You deceived NOBODY
    No baby was born from the experience.
    You have made no financial debts
    You are in no legal mess.
    You are still in the very tracks you chose for yourself.
    Your life is intact.
    Your destiny is ahead of you.

    You can tell the truth and keep you head up.


  197.  #197LonePlum on December 23, 2010 at 10:25 pm

  198.  #198LonePlum on December 23, 2010 at 10:26 pm

  199.  #199LonePlum on December 23, 2010 at 10:26 pm

  200.  #200LonePlum on December 23, 2010 at 10:27 pm

  201.  #201Meemee on December 24, 2010 at 12:32 am

    RE 194
    Darling Ella
    I am sorry if I made you feel ignored. I really am sorry.
    Thanks for your kind words.
    They mean so much to me.
    I am starting a new life.
    I value your words and support
    Much Love

  202.  #202Meemee on December 24, 2010 at 12:35 am

    I just saw your long reply. I feel really happy and encourage to start a new life. A new beginning.
    I will write in detail later.
    I am leaving office. Need to buy a cake and other things for christmas.
    About pregnancy, he used a condom. So I know there is not much to worry about, hopefully. But I feel the worst fear at times that the worst might happen.
    I hope nothing will wrong.
    I have to rush now.
    Love you

  203.  #203Meemee on December 24, 2010 at 12:37 am

    Rosa, Darling Ella, Brend, Plum, Jennifer and others,
    Thanks for your support.
    I feel strong now.
    I feel encouraged now.
    I love you all.
    I will read your posts in detail and respond.
    merry Christmas

  204.  #204Meemee on December 24, 2010 at 12:38 am

    I dont know whether you are following the blog these days and when you will read this.
    I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.
    I love you
    I miss you here.

  205.  #205Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 1:28 am


    Merry Christmas! Here’s to your new life! Here’s to your new, future, loving, caring, kind, gentleman!!

    Much Love and Huggies,

  206.  #206Rosalie on December 24, 2010 at 2:01 am

    I read Plum’s great long comment to Meemee… Meemee, please be happy and act upon it 100%.

    My situation is far worse… I have financial debts, no money. I have legal mess. I’m banned from working bec of his false police claims. I’m under criminal investigation for the shit ha made out about me.

    I have to defend myself, my life, my possibilities.
    This is the biggest war I ever had in my life. Sirens, I don’t know if you could help me with this.
    But I think it’s too big…

  207.  #207Meemee on December 24, 2010 at 3:15 am

    I am back from my Xmas shopping. Cake, wine and chicken and many more. I am gonna cook an elaborate dinner. Chicken cutlets, Chicken curry in coconut milk and fried ghee rice and dessert.
    My roommate I will celebrate Xmas together. We will drink, eat and go to evening mass. Then we are gonna watch Ben-Hur for the nth time  
    Tomorrow I will go to a nearby city which is a tourist spot with three of my friends. We will go early morning. I will have a nice time. I feel happy about it.
    Once in a while I think of X. I get a yucky feeling in my stomach when I think of him. I want to pull down his mask and expose him to the entire world. But I don’t want to do anything now when I feel so emotional.

  208.  #208Meemee on December 24, 2010 at 3:18 am

    RE 206
    I feel sad to read what you are going through. I am amazed and shocked that men we love and submit to are capable of doing horrible things to us.
    My heart aches when I read what you are going through.
    If a hug will make you feel better, here is a warm one

  209.  #209marina on December 24, 2010 at 4:30 am

    Hello dear Sirens,

    Are you all getting ready for Xmas?

    I feel weird today.
    I woke up crying, memories of my childhood, my Mum always shouting at us (anyway, that is how I felt) saying we are not good and ruining her life. Always saying come here do this, do that, because I tell you so!
    Or yelling that she is gonna run away. And I would feel so scared and tried to shhh things. Please stop shouting, you make me feel ill. You make me want to resist verything you want, even if it would be good for me.

    I felt so sad, so powerless. And angry, I am so fed up with this. It feels like I keep fighting the same battle over and over again. I don’t want this anymore, I want to be free!

    When the 2 of us are together, we have found a way to be ‘friends’ and support eachother and give advice. But when the 4 of us (incl. my brothers) are together, we all get back to that same old rut.
    I hate it!

    Next time we are together, I will just feel. And I will say how I feel. And ask what it is she really wants. Perhaps she is just yelling because she didn’t feel heard. But I don’t want to go in to other peoples head anymore. I will ask what they are feeling.

    Also, I don’t want to turn into a monster like that (sorry Mum). I overcompensate, I don’t set my boundaries, I don’t want to be accusing, I don’t want to be forcing my will upon other people.
    But is setting boundaries the same???

    Sirens, I am so glad that you share your stories and wisdom here.

    re #196 LonePlum: THNX!!!
    ( I know it was for MeeMee, but I will use it as a wake up call too 😉
    And to MeeMee:thanks for sharing, I wish you a very happy new year, with lots of exciting and fun things to do, I am proud of you and know you’ll be alright!

    I just checked my bank account.
    For the last 5 months I have lend money to BF4.
    It is an total amount of 2500 euros!!!
    He has paid me back only about 500 euros.
    This has not happened before. We are together for 4,5 years. He usually paid for everything.
    But now his ‘busines’ is not going well.

    I told him in the beginning that I don’t like to mix friendship or love with money.
    I don’t want to think of a friend or a loved one and than immediately think that they still owe me money.

    I want him to find a normal job, that pays normal money. I don’t want him to stay in this risky business.
    But to him this is working. He says he cannot work for a boss. And I can relate to that, bc I also don’t always like working and doing what people tell me to do. But these bills have to be paid somehow and since I don’t have my own business, this is the way to do it now.

    I feel used. I felt guilty, bc he paid for everything before. And I usually lend him only small amounts, like 50 or 100 euros.
    But cmon, he is an intelligent, normal guy, he can find a job.

    No wonder my account was empty halfway the last 3 months.

    This lesson is quite expensive!!

    What will I say next time he asks me for money??
    I don’t feel I want to lend you money. I am in trouble now because I lend you 2500 euros.
    I want you to find a normal job, so you don’t have to ask me for money.
    What do you think?

    Or should I tell him as soon as possible that I am not going to lend him more money? So he won’t ask me again?

    I know he probably will. And then it is up to me to stick to my boundary.

    Hmm, this feels so new to me…

    I watched ‘SALT’ yesterday with a girlfriend.
    WHOA, inspiring.
    I want to feel that strong and dedicated too. I want to feel like I am trained to face problems and find solutions.

    I want to live adventurously. I want feel that my life is an adventure. I want to feel excited when I wake up, because it’s a new day full of wonders and adventures, I actually felt like that when I was little.

    Yes, I want to feel. FLYlady talks about it too, write down what you feel, but it is only through this website that I start to understand what feeling your feelings actually is…
    Like SALT did too, she felt love, she cared for her husband. She showed her fear.

    This will help me to do what I have to do and what I really want to do! Instead of feeling helpless, hopeless, depressed and just facing an enormous mountain of things that I have to and should do.

    I will make it fun, I will make it into a game, I will play with it, act like a spy that has a secret agenda. LOL.

    A coach once told me he thought of me like one of these ancient Amazones, like Xena, hihi.

    Reminds me of scouting , I loved it so much! Being outside all day, trying to find our way, build a camp 🙂 Yeah, ofcourse I have lots of nice childhood memories too.

    I feel better now!
    I feel it is going to be allright 🙂

    I am going to paint my inner Warrior Goddess, my Amazone.

    And I am going to paint her Husband too 🙂

    Take care and Happy Holidays!
    Love, Marina

  210.  #210Rosa on December 24, 2010 at 5:02 am

    Hi Marina ,

    ” I feel awkward and uncomfortable about loaning further money to you. I feel afraid of losing the finances I have worked so hard for.

    I also feel unhappy that this issue of money is now ongoing for some time. I am afraid it is damaging our relationship.

    I would feel distressed if you ask me for more money for your business. I dont want to loan you any more .I would say no. I feel better when you pay me back but the remaining unpaid portion gives me a sick feeling. What do you think?”

  211.  #211marina on December 24, 2010 at 5:07 am

    PS Since there is more talking on money and finances and some misunderstandings here…
    BF4 and Ie are not living together (yeah, that is something else…;)
    He used to pay when we go out, for drinks, food, gas for his car.
    Now he asks me for money so he can have cigarettes and buy gas for his car or use some of it for his business…

    Anyway, I would like to reply more to all of your stories, but I feel like I haven’t really found that voice yet, I feel like many of you are far more wise and experienced than I am. I like to learn from the wisdom and sit in the sun here and swim around Siren Island.
    I know I will find my voice.

    I slowly start to find (and accept!) support IRL. I am so glad I have one more week off from work. Then I will see my psychologist again and start working half days till I am back to working full time again.
    I feel like I am onto something new, things start to vibrate, to feel alive again. I hope I will start to grow more.

    I talked to a friend of mine, she just finished her education as a coach, she is quite good LOL. Really helped me to see some dynamics.

    I am glad we also talked about her fear of her freaking crazy psychotic neighbour. He has done terrible things before. And I am so glad that she finally decided to move for her own safety.
    Home should be a place where you feel safe, where you should not fear that your neighbour will put a knife in you.
    I felt happy to be able to do something small for her. I just hope she gets away in time.


  212.  #212marina on December 24, 2010 at 5:13 am

    Hi dear Rosa,

    How are you?
    Thanks for your comment!
    I feel warm, heard and empowered.

    How you state it is exactly how I feel.

    I am going to repeat it for myself in my own language;)
    I am not used to stating my feelings like that, and ofcourse BF4 isn’t used to hearing me say something like that.
    I will let you know how it goes.


  213.  #213Rosa on December 24, 2010 at 5:20 am

    Happy Christmas from Sydney, Australia !!! 12.06 am

    Had dinner with my Mum and my sons , an amazing berry meringue dessert…yuuummm..

    I am so exhausted from wrapping and baking and cleaning , my poor old body isnt fit yet, but I will bear in mind Ambers wise and kind words about taking time to heal. I feel heartened and encouraged . Bless you Amber.

    The Sirens here , all of you from the past and present have greatly helped my recovery from emotional surgery as well as physical.. this has been a wonderful gift to me that has really helped me turn my life around.

    Happy Christmas Rori , Brenda, Daria, Amber, SLV, Meemee, Jen, Darling Ella , Ella , Soul Sister ,Lucy,Tinque, Marina , Jeanette, Dorothea and all the others I dont know so well..you are all gorgeous gifts of girly goodness!!!!

    Tomorrow is BIG..gifts and coffee early with my boys , then drive with Mum to another city for long lunch beginning about 2pm, barbecue and traditional mix, poolside, 12 relatives , projected 29 deg C.The car is packed with presents and food already 🙂 Stay over and Boxing day party also, more relatives and friends. Then the day after back home for barbecue with school friends from 34 years ago.Younger son is flying interstate with his dad after the gifts are over ..at least I will have one son with me for the holiday, then he flies to Europe…

    Have a wonderful Holiday all of You.

  214.  #214LonePlum on December 24, 2010 at 5:55 am

    Marina 209

    I would not over function by giving him money and then asking him to find a job to give the money back to me.

    I would let him handle his life as he can and wishes.
    He is a free man and he does not live with me.
    I would totally lean back.

    It means I would wait for him to ask for more money.
    That’s when I would tell him I need to protect myself now, I have no spare money left, I gave it to him already.
    And I don’t want to owe money to my bank.
    And, by the way, could he please, keep in mind the 2500 I loaned him and I need back as son as he can afford it.

    If he never gives it back, I would take it as a lesson that when I loan money, I’d better make sure I won’t need it back, because it might never come back.
    I learnt that lesson as a child with books we would exchange among friends.

    I would not feel responsible for the meal and gasoline paid by a man to take me out
    It was his responsibility to calculate if he could afford it and to save money for his future.
    It is his problem if he makes believe he can pay things when he can’t. It is not my problem.
    I don’t feel responsible for him being a fake.
    I don’t want to be paying back for dates I went on a year sooner lol
    If I had known I would have to pay them back, I would have never gone on dates with him.


  215.  #215LonePlum on December 24, 2010 at 6:21 am




    May we sirens heal and feel peace and love for ourselves, the rest will follow 🙂


  216.  #216LonePlum on December 24, 2010 at 6:31 am

    Rosa 213

    ***The car is packed with presents and food already***
    This feel so exciting to read 🙂

    I still have to buy a few details for tonight, so I am rushing off.

    I wish you a very happy Xmas, Rosa and the best for the new year. I am sending you love and hugs


  217.  #217LonePlum on December 24, 2010 at 6:43 am

    206: Rosalie

    I feel sad to read your situation

    We can’t act for you but I am sure sirens will give ideas and emotional support to you if you write your burden on here.

    Plus, when you translate your burden into written words, you process your own feelings.
    It might give you a new perspective about it all.

    I wish you peace and love
    Have a wonderful Xmas


  218.  #218Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2010 at 6:57 am

    Lots of “Christmas spirit” here. I’m having cafe au lait and biscotti and listening to holiday music… yum.

    Merry Christmas to all the sirens!


  219.  #219AmberS on December 24, 2010 at 7:19 am


    I wish for each of us the ability to enjoy this time with our loved ones, to stay fully present to the gift of now.

    To choose in each moment to let the past go and to anticipate the future with great joy.

    To see the divine in the face of each person we meet.

    To recognize that we are, all of us, comprised of the same matter and in need of love and acceptance.

    Each one of us has the seeds, in every moment, of a love greater than we have ever known.

    I forgive myself for the times I have forgotten who I am. I forgive myself for the times I will forget, again.

    I am humbled beyond words by the blessings I am surrounded by.

    My favorite x-mas song:

    U2 & Luciano Pavarotti Miss Sarajevo


    Thank you, Universe, for creating me.

    I love you.


  220.  #220Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2010 at 7:58 am

    An extra special Christmas wish for my sweetie…

    Merry Christmas 2011, Sweetie! (hold on I’m coming… 😀 )

    “All I want for Christmas Is you” – Mariah Carey


  221.  #221tinque on December 24, 2010 at 8:07 am

    Wishing all of you beautiful goddesses love and peace in your hearts and in your spirits.

    Merry, Merry, Happy, Happy Everyone.

    I will be leaving tomorrow for a week. See you next year.


  222.  #222Rachel on December 24, 2010 at 8:26 am

    I love reading all of the beautiful Christmas greetings. There is so much warmth and love here. Hugs to you all.

    And SLV … YES to #220. What a fun way to keep the vision while still being able to enjoy today. I am learning a lot from your attitude. Thank you for being here and sharing.

    I love you all. Have a beautiful holiday!

  223.  #223Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2010 at 8:47 am

    222: Rachel says:
    “…And SLV … YES to #220. What a fun way to keep the vision while still being able to enjoy today. I am learning a lot from your attitude. Thank you for being here and sharing…”

    You’re welcome, it’s my pleasure truly. I’m dancing around while listening to Mariah Carey. Fun!

    Have a very merry… 😀


  224.  #224Senior Lady Vibe on December 24, 2010 at 9:03 am


    Hi Amber, I’m back on “Main Street.” I was only scouting and experimenting but I found some interesting things. Serendipity is my friend. 😉

    I copied and pasted your Montreal notes. Thank you. Your travels are exciting.

    I have an ancient photo of me in Montreal. Maybe I’ll put it up if I can figure out how to work my scanner…which is two years old and still in the box–sometimes I do things very slowly. 😆

    I’m getting excited thinking Montreal too! Who knows maybe we can get a Rori group to go.

    Happy holidays and much good fortune to you for “all things 2011!” I’m eager to hear more about your plans also.

    Did you hear the Mariah Carey song at #220? It makes my heart sing.

    Merry Christmas.


  225.  #225Darling Ella on December 24, 2010 at 9:46 am

    Rosalie @206

    Big warm hug Rosalie…It is a real trial indeed for u…Are children involved?

    Warm hugs,

  226.  #226Turtle Girl on December 24, 2010 at 10:12 am

    In the spirit of Christmas I thought I would post this today-a quote by someone named Henri Nouwen:

    “Forgiveness is the name of love practiced among people who love poorly. The hard truth is that all of us love poorly. We need to forgive and be forgiven every day, every hour-unceasingly. That is the great work of love among the fellowship of the weak that is human family.”

    So for starters let us all forgive ourselves. Each other on this blog for all the slights and misunderstanding.
    forgive the men who hurt us because they knew not what they did. And if they did know and did it anyway, then all the more reason, because that is a person who is really broken and tormented and unwell.

    I wish all a holiday filled with forgiveness and peace.

    Happy Birthday yesterday Dorothea. Another year on this ‘ole mud ball we call planet earth!!! Yeah!!!!

    Turtle Girl
    Taking It Slow but taking it

  227.  #227Dorothea on December 24, 2010 at 10:21 am

    I feel worried
    I don’t think I’m in love with LI anymore.
    but I’ve only felt this way for about a few days.
    This could turn around, right?

    He gave me some diamond earrings and I ifelt…turned off. But how would I have felt if he hadn’t gotten me something super nice? Maybe angry??

    i am not so into my latest CD either. I think he’s fun to be around but definitely not long term relationship material. He is still figuring out whether he is going to go back to his childhood religion (SCIENTOLOGY!) and it seems like he drinks nearly every day. so not my thing.

  228.  #228Turtle Girl on December 24, 2010 at 10:27 am

    Oh and just in case anyone here thinks I am getting all mushy gushy and in the mood to forgive people because that means I am weak and have no boundaries-Neit.

    I am all for finding very strong boundaries and holding to them. Sometimes it takes being weak and abused to realized that actually we are strong and to find our boundaries and put them in place. Once we are THAT strong, then forgiveness is easy. The truly weak can not forgive because they are still paying the blame game with the other. It is only when we can not blame ANYONE, but recognize that all is part of our journey toward spiritual growth. We can be thankful for all, including the pain and we can forgive ourselves and then others.

    I forgive ex toxic man for being such a narcissist, he is blind and could not see. Shall I condemn a blind man? No, he hides behind his own pain and inflicts it on others because he is blind. I pray that the creator/god opens his eyes. I thank god for the lesson he gave me, without with I would not be where I am today.

    I forgive cd man for being so consumed with anger.
    He has his own demons. A mother and father who did not love him, a mother who through her religious nut case beliefs treated him poorly and punished him and wounded him, so that now he punishes and wounds women through his anger.

    I forgive myself for hanging out with ex toxic man and putting myself into a mad situation. I forgive myself for acting a fool over him. I forgive myself for
    giving an undeserving narcissist my total love.

    I forgive myself for slapping cd man. I forgive myself for allowing him to push my own buttons of anger. I forgive myself for lashing out at him in anger and not love. I forgive him for all the pain he vomited out on me, as he was crying out for love.

    I forgive every person on this blog who has ever said anything ugly to another siren. We are all trying to find our way, and sometimes we stumble and fall.

    I forgive my friends for being imperfect and weak and mean and selfish and shallow and angry, as I have been all those things, and I too, am just trying to find my way in this life.

    Love to all xxoo

  229.  #229Darling Ella on December 24, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Turtle Girl:

    Beautiful posts…U spoke to my heart 🙂 A Happy and a Merry Christmas to you too 🙂

    Dorothea: Happy Belated Birthday!!!

    Warm hugs,

  230.  #230Dorothea on December 24, 2010 at 11:00 am

    Thank you EVERYONE for the birthday wishes. they make feel so special and i’m such a cheezer for birthdays. love it!

  231.  #231Dorothea on December 24, 2010 at 11:02 am

    i like this idea of forgiving yourself. it feels unparalyzing. i forgive myself for feeling wishy washy about LI, even if he is giving me beautiful gifts. i forgive myself for feeling uncomfortable. they’re just feelings. jeez, dorothea. hehe i feel amused.

  232.  #232Rosalie on December 24, 2010 at 11:37 am

    @LonePlum, Meemee, Darling Ella:

    Thank you so much for your support!!!
    No, no kids involved… He made up false claims about me based on our arguments and his lies. The legal paper was sent is full of strange lies. Like I wanted to rape him on a public place whatsoever… I would say LOL if it didn’t cost me so much financially and legally.
    I need to be a warrior woman here. But have ME. Finally, after 1 year of struggling and pain, the pain went away. I’m okay with ME. I love myself.

    I wish Merry Christmas to all Sirens!!! Greetings from Hungary!!!

    We are not alone… We have ourselves and each other! I also wish HOPE in that thought for you in 2011!!! WE’LL DO GREAT!!!!!!!

  233.  #233Daria on December 24, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    Ok so sexy cd did not call yet to see me this morning when he said he would

    Football man did not call either tho he’s been planning to see me today for a long time – he did call last nite after I was asleep

    Fun man called ! And I didn’t know who he was. Lol. He wants to come meet me Now! I told him I want to know when he’s getting here… He’s supposed to be calling, I thought he would’ve called back by now – I’m feeling anxious and found myself thinking and sitting nit doing the other stuff for me… So I am now writing here

    I like all 3 of these guys.

    Fun man is fun to talk to. Worried that he may be a lil gem energy… Very creative and fun to talk to

    Football man is almost as fun to talk to. I have 3 hour convos with both men when they call. Football man sounds like he may not bring the romance more friend. He talks about other women, or the excitement of meeting women often. This makes me feel guarded towards him. Kinda not safe to get close to him romantically. I shared about thus a few times and I know he heard me but he has continued to talk this way – I think he’s clueless that he’s shooting himself in the foot still.

    Sexy man is asking to give me sex. I feel dissappiinted. I am very into sexy man mentally and would like sex with him after going thru the hoops for me of kissing oral and dates.

  234.  #234Lizzie on December 24, 2010 at 1:13 pm

    This is an amazing talk – this really fits what the sirens are working on:


  235.  #235Darling Ella on December 24, 2010 at 2:53 pm


    Thank you so much for sharing this…I loved the presentation and insights of Brene 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  236.  #236Daria on December 24, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    ugh i am still annoyed!

    now freakin FUN guy hasnt called back about when he’s coming! he’s had hella time to figure it out

    i feel so DISAPPOINTED AGAIN!!

    wtf 3 guys!!!????????

    and then another one is like lets meet… gives me a far away place




    feeling super disappointed

    dont feel like doing anything much

    i did make apresent for my dad

    i dont even have one for my mom

    i was gonna make

    bake some stuff
    but ugh

    i dont feel like doing that

    i feel mad and huffy and like i dont want to DO THAT with my energy

    i DONT WANT to workout


    i feel annoyed about that too

    i feel annoyed that STICKAM>COM seems to have updated and i cnat find all the WENDI FRIESEN ARCHIVES

    i feel annoyed and turned off that astupid cd just called me and said

    i would come to get u but im in LA

    weelll wtf are you even calling me forAND why would you say you WOULD COME GET ME

    then his phone starts malfunctioning and hes like hello hello
    and hangs up and doesnt call back

    thi sis the same annoying one that when i dont answer his texts in 2 minutes says oh you must not like me

    well idont

    right now

    i hate you all

    i dont have enuf energy for hate

    i feel mad and pouty and tight lipped

    i love my tight lips
    nd taht feels like

    tight inner right thigh

    i love my tight inner right thight

    and that feels like a breath and a sigh

    i love my breath and my sigh

    and that feels like

    furrowing my forehead and pinching my left shoulder

    i love the furrowing of my forehead and pinching in my left shoulder

    and that feels like

    pinching in my throat

    i love the pinching in my throata

    and htat feels like pinching on the left of my butt and hmmmm

    i love the pinching on the left of my butt and hmmmm

    and that feels like a big breath in and out

    i love my big breath in and out

    and that feels like


    i lov emy hmph

    and that feels like


    i lov emy himph

    and that feels like

    yawn and ahha

    i loe my yanw and ahaa

    that feels like hahmhm

    i lov emy hammhmm

    and that feels like giggle

    i love my giggle


    and that feels like thought “i want sex”

    i lvoe my thought “i want sex

    and that feels like heavy feeling in my middle and thought of dman

    i love my heavy feeling in my middle and thought of daman

    and that feels like

    big yawn

    i lov emy big yawn

    and that feels like giggling an dclosing eyes

    i love my giggling and closing eyes

  237.  #237marina on December 24, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    @Lizzie #234
    Wow, that is a very inspiring talk. Thanks!
    Isn’t TED great!

    I also like Sheryl Sandbergs’ talk on why there are too little women leaders:

  238.  #238Daria on December 24, 2010 at 3:38 pm

    i listened to the talk

    i got Vulnerable and put down that i am upset and some riffing on MYSPACE

    which is my dating site

    this is what i have now:

    “feelin so lonely an dissapointed… i feel angry when men don’t do wat they say but DAMN 3 of yall the same day for real? would i feel better to jus scratch the ones that dont do wat they say? it IS a requirement for my future man is it one for the men in my life now? ”


    ” feelin like im not good enuf not fun enough not intriguing enuf not mysterious enuf not attractive enuf… :(… dont feel good this dont feel good! ”

    “crying… feeling like ill always be stuck here in this backwoods ass Foster City walkin around tryna get on the bus to nowhere special “

  239.  #239Dorothea on December 24, 2010 at 3:45 pm

    I feel majorly triggered ahhh it’s a deep one. i don’t know how to get into complex tangled deep triggers. does anyone here do something that works for them?

  240.  #240Daria on December 24, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    when Dorothea posted that i felt JUMP FEAR like I’m being judged I feel like that often

    I don’t know it may not be anything to do with me or not it doesn’t matter

    i feel scared and vulnerable and afraid of being judged

    i feel angry at ANGEL this girl that got with my man ex man fex man whatever man getright man

    and hse was still seeing him like 2 days ago an that would be one thing but i don tfeel like she has my best interests at heart and i get pulled inot playing this energy superior inferior domination thing with her

    and id ont want to anymore

    i dont want to be freinds when i dont feel safe and loved and good

    when i dont trust someone to be looking out for my best interestss

    i dont want to compete for men

    i feel what is this?

    numb heart heavy heart?

    i dono

  241.  #241Dorothea on December 24, 2010 at 4:15 pm

    lol what sorry i have no idea what you’re saying. i hate your itouch it makes you type like crap

    i feel triggered about christmas, about men, about men and christmas, about gifts, about falling out of love, about stuffing feelings down, about being alone. ahhhh that is what’s up with me right now.

  242.  #242Daria on December 24, 2010 at 4:44 pm

    hi Dorothea – that feels weird… i feel weird reading lol what sorry … i wasnt typing on my itouch

    i was saying how i felt triggered and scared when i read that statement from you that came after mine. and how you may be talking about soemthing completely different than my post but i felt triggered to jump inward in fear

    now i am feeling protective and scared again

  243.  #243Dorothea on December 24, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    oh ok i probably just am reading your typing wrong.

  244.  #244Soul Sista on December 24, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    i’m not a big fan of the holidays but in the spirit of the season i wish all the ladies the granting of your deepest desires ~ which, in large part for me, is deep surrender.

  245.  #245Jeannette on December 24, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Brenda and Senior Lady Vibe, you know girls, I feel like a started some sort of a feud between you and I apologize. I think I need to stop asking others for their opinion…the good news is I don’t put Steve down, only once I told him that I wanted to know his plans after he’s better. That is when he stated he’s planning to go back out and work. One of my friends told me that her husband worked right through the time he was sick with cancer and undergoing chemo. BUt I don’t think that happens much. I need to just be more understanding. I just feel too sorry for myself cuz I work ALL the time and don’t enjoy life more. I just don’t see an end in sight and I’m tired. So sorry I dump on you at times. Really.

  246.  #246Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Merry Christmas!

    I wish each of us less overfunctioning, overeating, overreacting, overindulging, overspending, and more deep surrender (as Soul Sista said), deep fantasies, deep understanding, deep intimacy, and deep healing!

    May all your dreams, fantasies, desires, and goals come true, and may each of us have the Man of our Dreams!

    Much Love,

  247.  #247Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 7:14 pm


    I’m sorry if I read things into your words that you didn’t mean or say. And I’m sorry I let a feud start. I don’t want to be abrasive.

    I just want Ryan to be with me.

  248.  #248Daria on December 24, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    man rants, rori responds, man apologizes:

    Jim says:
    What little I’ve read does lead me to believe there is lots of rubbish going on. Like he’s good on paper. My thoughts on that. You like him on paper, your for sale, you’ve already been bought and sold. He’s done you the same disservice by showing you his, “portfolio,” so to speak. He says, “I’ve got this and am that.” you say, “You qualify.” Your both stupid, bought and sold. As for the games, ALL GAMES ARE TOXIC, just you being on this website asking for advice is tantamount to, “How do I play the game better.” ALL CRAP.

    Allure, grow up, talk to your man, know the difference between reality, maturity and crap. When you’ve got issues with yourselves, fix them. All of you, grow up. And that stupid web site, whatever his name is, He’s a fool too. All you people are really doing in trying to incite one another into what you think is love, so you can get what you want.

    I am amazed at all the crap people add to an already difficult endeavor, people dealing with one another emotionally. They don’t call it, “Whore Moans,” for nothing you know. Just more for people to incite themselves with.

    “Is your man toxic?” Way to feed the shit. Way to put crap in women’s heads about their men. Poor victims, really just after power and money.

    BTW when he said you were the most beautiful woman in the world. He was just saying he thought you are very beautiful and to him, because he cares for you, you are the most beautiful in the world to him. Go away, he deserves better because he’s willing to love and be loved. I’m sure he’d really rather drop all the game CRAP…

    Also saying men are, “but no man is evolved as women are.” Now if that helps you be more patient WITH YOURSELF for his sake, whatever…

    What do you have to offer a relationship, I don’t remember you ever talking about any of that, except what you won’t do or don’t do anymore.

    You, with your stupid little childish games, whoever stands a chance.

    Though I will say this, Rori does make an attempt to address you as the problem and you are indeed the problem, as it appears to me.

    Friday, 24 December 2010 @ 12:49am

    353: Jim says:
    One other thing, anyone who thinks, implies or outright says the know it all, IS FULL OF CRAP. No one knows it all. No one has all the right answers. At best we do the best we can and if that’s not good enough. Oh well.

    355: Rori Raye says:
    Welcome, Jim – and you seem quite passionate about these deeply – to me – spiritual issues of what it is to be in relationship with another human being. If you are interested in what I have to say (even to disagree with me) please read as much as you can here. One post doesn’t really give you the full picture. Every relationship takes two – and a consideration for the third entity of the “relationship” itself – which often has needs beyond our individual ones. What we can all do is our own part – and work to feed the relationship part that’s beyond ourselves. So, yes – working on us is where we start – but, for me, there is no negative, angry, blaming, (and certainly no game-playing) aspect to this that makes sense – other than the FEELINGS we have that are angry and blaming. And that’s where my work is located. In honoring and expressing the feelings rather than ‘acting” from them. Love, Rori

    Friday, 24 December 2010 @ 10:06am

    357: Jim says:
    Rori, My apologies, yes I was angry after reading only the first posts, went straight to comments. Actually, thank you for notifying people to look to themselves first. I did step over that myself, reacted and was quick to judge. Again, my humblest apologies and thank you for setting me straight. Though, I do admit, it was just a little while after my post that I saw my own errors. We all always have work to do with ourselves and MERRY CHRISTMAS to you and yours. Jim

  249.  #249Daria on December 24, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    feeling excited

    just decorated tree with my mom

    now my dad is helping with shoving the lights in the top of the tree hehe

    we have Goose with wine and cabbage (my dad wanted to eat goose instead of ham)

    AND Sarmale (stuffed cabbage leaves with meat and rice and spices)

    cooked by my mom


    i made a collage for my dad of pictures of my mom and his sister on vacation this summer

    And im gonna make my mom a card out of pictures of her name which is a flower

    AND i feel excited!

  250.  #250Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 7:21 pm


    Huh. Where’s that from?

  251.  #251Daria on December 24, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Brenda – it’s from the you can circular date but he cant post, latest comments

  252.  #252Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 7:52 pm


    Must be a different thread. I don’t see it there.

  253.  #253Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 7:52 pm

    I’m being both domestic and Christmasy! Yay for me! I am baking a pineapple upside down cake!

  254.  #254Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    Today is the two year anniversary of my first real date with Ryan. I miss him and love him so much!

  255.  #255Jacqueline on December 24, 2010 at 8:01 pm

    Hello, everyone! Just wanted to say that being here was a great gift I gave myself this year and that you all gave me as well. Love and joy and a Season of Light to us all.

    I wrote once to AJ, or someone dear from here that I thought that J*sus had existed so we could all know God – Brenda was it you? anyway, just watched the coolest video on the gift of the magi – and it says the same thing. That Chr*st is in all as a way to G*d, and as a way that G*d entered human history.

    It was very cool, and felt so serrenditpitious with what I’d come up with 30 years or so ago….

    here’s the link:http://news.yahoo.com/video/world-15749633/mystery-of-the-magi-23613928

    and I am still fine but working 24/7, so getting to put relationship rules out there into the real world, lol.

    The biggest difference for me – and yall will laugh cuz the owner’s guy who interviewed me told me to go in and tell them I was the new sheriff in town, so see? Leaning back just isn’t really present in my world in an interacting sense….

    anyway, the biggest difference I’ve taken with me is:

    I end my emails with, “and what do you think?”….

    and I think it helps. Smiles.

    So happy to see some familiar faces….and I’ve heard from a bunch of sirens – even got a Christmas package from Australia! True friends, from a world wide web.

    Yes, a gift from you all – and to you all, love, abundance, peace, acceptance and openess to magic and magi’s….

    Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Seasons of Light and Joy,


  256.  #256Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 8:05 pm


    What a beautiful Christmas message!

    Right on about Je*sus coming so we could all get to know God! I love to study His words and actions in the gospels! In doing so, I explore the mind and heart of God! That baby was God!

    I wish I could have sent you all Christmas gifts. I just can’t afford them this year.

    Much Love, Brenda

  257.  #257Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 8:07 pm

    My pineapple upside down cake is smelling gooood! I used pineapple cake mix, and I was out of brown sugar, so I used real maple syrup instead. With melted butter, chopped walnuts, pineapple chunks instead of circles, and butter in the mix instead of oil. Yummy!

    What’s everyone doing for Christmas day?

    I’m going to spend part of the day with my Mom, probably making puzzles and finishing now-late Christmas cards. Then my two brothers and their families are coming to my Mom’s nursing home, where we will have a big dinner that we all are bringing.

  258.  #258Jacqueline on December 24, 2010 at 8:21 pm

    I’m just chillin…well, it way 75 degrees here today – whoo hoo! but it’ll be 32 tomorrow night, so it’s just good to be home. Jimmy and I have been having communications breakdown – funny because in part my story’s just like Ellas – I’ve been paying the bills and it’s making me a little crazy, although he does so much stuff around here. anyway his job is pretty much back on track so maybe things will improve?….and if not? Well, we all know about starting over and staying with the horse, don’t we?

    Brenda take care and enjoy the Hawaaian smells…I hope next year is the year all your loose ends are tied up in a bow – and your gift is that each and every one the lesson is learned and never to be repeated! And, I didn’t realize your mom was in a nursing home – I hope you have a lovely time, and your babies are all fine.

    One of my ex’s wrote me and said he only had one of “our” babies (kitties) left and he couldn’t bear to get another…..that is what a good goodbye will lead to….it was so heart warming and full of love but not longing; I am a lucky girl!

    and everyone good Christmas eve and the gift of your heart’s desire.


  259.  #259Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 8:24 pm


    You said, “I hope next year is the year all your loose ends are tied up in a bow – and your gift is that each and every one the lesson is learned and never to be repeated!”

    That is so beautiful! Thank you!

    I feel jealous of the warm weather. I don’t like winter, cold, and snow.

  260.  #260Simply Shannon on December 24, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Wishing each of you a very Merry Christmas! I feel blessed, stretched, exhausted (in a good way), and amazed. Today has been a fantastic day. Tomorrow is going to be even better. The best is yet to come…

    Blessings and love, Shannon

  261.  #261Jeannette on December 24, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Brenda, I wish Ryan was with you too. As much as you love him, I would take the plunge and just tell him you”re still here for him and want him back. He’s very lucky someone loves him that much.

  262.  #262Soul Sista on December 24, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    …a far as i am concerned the new year for me starts with the return of the sun…i am giving myself the gift of starting over and being ready for the relationship i want now.

    ‘he’ emailed me “miss u…i know u don’t celebrate but merry xmas anyways…xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo blah blah blah’ (something like that)

    but, i had a conversation with myself after crying again today and i said ‘see how this makes you feel? it makes you feel bad.’ not to mention it’s been a year since he first promised to come see me…and canceled 3 times over 4 months. i can’t tell you how bad that felt.

    when i saw the email i felt a sense of relief because i do not have to email him back and start the addictive cycle again.

    my horse is in the stable and i’m celebrating xmas with my mom. tomorrow i ride again.

    i feel peaceful and good.

  263.  #263Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 9:05 pm


    Thank you! I just responded to you on the https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/have-sex-with-one-man-while-youre-dating-other-men/comment-page-9/#comment-83378 thread.

    I did send him a simple text to wish him a merry Christmas Eve three hours ago, and still no response.

  264.  #264Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 9:18 pm


    I found the string with Jim and Rori: https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/does-chemistry-rule-your-love-life/

    Go Rori! You are so eloquent! What a nice role model of gentle communication!

  265.  #265Daria on December 24, 2010 at 11:16 pm

    was feeling good… felt bad when i read Jaqueline write so see? leaning back isnt isnt present in my world

    that felt like TIGHTening in my tummy and mouth turned down

    i feel disappointed that i came feeling good and now felt bad over something that seems so remote from me

    i feel disappointed

    i love my feelings

    was feeling really godo wiht my fam


    even when i thought i wasnt – webcam – i DID!

    and got some socks and new books and chocolate on top of it

    and a new phone! a touch phone!!


    they liked what i gave them

    i made them cards on the computer with beautiful pictures

  266.  #266Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 11:39 pm


    I feel happy for you! You got boots, too? You mentioned them recently.

    Santa bypassed my house this year. He couldn’t find the chimney.

  267.  #267Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    After I didn’t hear from Ryan around 9 pm when I wished him a merry Christmas Eve, I texted him at 1 am saying,

    “Merry Christmas! I hope and pray for a fresh start to be your loving friend. I want to be more gentle, sensitive, and safe as a friend. You mean so much to me!”

    I feel bad I haven’t heard from him at all. I had hoped he would call me and spend the evening with me.

  268.  #268Daria on December 24, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    Brenda – what a turnoff! sounds like abandoning yourself pretty badly there

    but it would be a cute message to a female friend – well one that responds at least

  269.  #269Brenda on December 24, 2010 at 11:51 pm


    It’s so hard to not text him. I miss him SO BAD on special days like this. I don’t see that as a turn-off. It was welcoming. What do you think?

  270.  #270Daria on December 24, 2010 at 11:53 pm

    I feel disappointed to hear about a part of myself not paying attention to my own feeling or Being there with me to give me compassion and instead reaching outside of self to give from already low energy…

    i feel bad to see that part of myself make herself addictively dependent on outside attention and validation

    i feel diconnected to see her not be authentic about wanting love and romance

    i feel mistrustful of her when she offers to someone though obviously shes looking to get get get

    it would feel lovely to see this part of myself giving to herself, nourishing herself, honoring herself, putting herself in a position of receiving and attraction

  271.  #271Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:00 am

    🙁 I wish you lots of love and self care Brenda. I dont’ want to see you abandoning yourself and turning your thoughts outward.

    I want to see you loving yourself SO MUCH that you are the overwhelming primary receiver of texts and calls

    that it’s HARD TO text someone becuase it feels like taking a man’s job

    that you notice your feelings of uncomfortableness when the energy of an interaction feels off

    that you be in feminine receptive compassion

    that you LOVE love yourself and be a SAFE friend to YOU

    a gentle loving friend to YOU

    a friend who doesn’t Friend men she’s in love with

    or text them for love

    a loving friend who loves herself and appreciates herself and babystep by babystep learns to love herself better until she’s full of love All on her Own

  272.  #272Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:02 am


    I appreciate your response. I am doing my best to give to, nourish, and honor myself.

    I don’t know how to let go of my feelings for Ryan. He has stated plainly he doesn’t want romance. I don’t want romance until he is healed.

    So it is authentic to say I don’t want romance, and it is authentic to say I am in love with him.

    I miss him. I miss him so much. I don’t know what to do with myself.

    I can see the value in what you’re saying, yet I still long for him. Humph.

  273.  #273Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:09 am

    Brenda – what i’ve found is that when I long for someone, a lil girl inside of me is actually feeling that longing for ME

    I’m not yet 100% in finding her and knowing how to care for her… i’m babystepping.

    at first she used to say “your love is not enough” and “i want him” and not trust me.

    step by step, i guess just like a real child, pretty fast, she just got used to me hugging her and loving her and healed

    i know i have more to do, becuase i feel longing for men too, like right now

    I healed a lot of my longing for a group to pick me up – just last week – by Doing EFT Erika style, going back to “when have i first felt this feeling in my life”

  274.  #274Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:10 am

    I want to do one soon on Disappointment

    i notice i feel disappointed A LOT

    with (attractive) men not coming through for me and so on

    or at first liking me but then backing off

    theres this specific feeling of disappointment that “its not gonna happen again this time, silly of me to think it would” and “im not enough, attractive and mysterious and cool enough – unlike my cousin – to get a sexy man to really pursue me and be into me”

  275.  #275Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:14 am

    Brenda have you checked out Inner Bonding?

  276.  #276Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:17 am


    I have worked alot on loving the inner me. I will keep working to go deeper, but it is something I have been aware of for years.

    No, I’ll check out Inner Bonding. What do I do? Google it? I really appreciate your input.

    I am just so weary of being alone and lonely. 47 years is too long to be single. I am burning with passion. I want companionship. No man holds a candle to Ryan. I messed up with him so bad. I want another chance.

  277.  #277Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:26 am

    I am just so weary of being alone and lonely. ~ lil girl feels alone and lonely

    47 years is too long to be single. ~ lil girl feels hopeless, frustrated, angry at self

    I am burning with passion. ~ lil girl feels frustrated and angry and unheard

    I want companionship. ~ lil girl feels lonely

    No man holds a candle to Ryan. ~ lil girl wants to feel LOVED and SEEN by Brenda!

    I messed up with him so bad. ~ lil girl feels not good enough, hopeless and lonely

    I want another chance. ~ lil girl feels panicked, awful

  278.  #278Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:29 am

    I like how Inner Bonding uses terms for feeling like

    abandoning self

    loneliness and heartache

    i am not used to thinking in terms of those feelings so its babysteps for me to notice

    oh this feeling is a heartache

  279.  #279Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:31 am


    My lil girl feels alone, lonely, hopeless, frustrated, angry at self, unheard, and she wants to feel LOVED and SEEN by Brenda! My lil girl feels not good enough, hopeless, lonely, panicked, and awful.

    All right, I buy all that. Now what? What’s the remedy? Santa made mad,passionate love with me on his way by to drop off my new dildo and vibrator. But he said he has 4 million women left to fu*ck tonight before he goes home to Mrs. Clause, so it wasn’t very fulfilling. He asked for a good-bye kiss, and I said, “Santa, it’s so empty making love when love’s not really there.

    So the lil girl is still all those things. What do you think or feel?

  280.  #280Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:34 am

    My heart has ached so much with loneliness for so many years that it’s a physical ache, present most of the time, even when I’m with people.

    I felt that loneliness go away for the first time when I was with Ryan. He understands me better than anyone in the world.

    I love spending time with him.

  281.  #281Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:36 am

    I like to cuddle and have pillow talk. That was something I found so fulfilling about Ryan! Pillow talk! Cuddling! It’s the best! Better than sex! It’s what I have craved all my life! Something a dildo could never give me.

  282.  #282Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:38 am

    Brenda – here’s some of my love with these words.

    i feel excited that you hear the lil girl

    what i do is talk to her lovingly like i would my daughter, and then SEE myself taking her into my arms

    then i have discovered I feel better after doing this for awhile

    i also talk to her, maybe ask her what does she want … if she says something weird or something i know is not loving, i ask again… what do you want Under that

    telling her I love her and embrace her, while picturing myself hugging her, and that I am sorry to not have listened to her, and i promise her i will , and that i will Not abandon her is what works well

    then i feel a step better

    the more i repeat this process the better i feel

    it also helped me to create a BIG SISTER voice for myself, who has an easy time sticking up for me and telling me im part of our family so i ROCK

  283.  #283Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:42 am

    also helps to ask spirit self/ god / angel for what is the most loving action that feels good to take right now

  284.  #284Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:47 am


    That is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing such a deep part of yourself!

    I have done some form of that, but that is even deeper than what I have done. I just felt a shift to a deeper understanding of how to work with my feelings. It is good.

  285.  #285Daria on December 25, 2010 at 12:50 am

    Brenda – thank you tOO! you are a blessing… i am actually doing it FOR MYSELF NOW in this moment

    it was in talking to you that i was inspired and able to do so

    it gave me the extra energy i needed

    thank you for being here and helping me love me!

  286.  #286Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 12:59 am

    Awww! I think this blog is cool. In the every day world, I doubt people like us would have anything to do with each other, because we are so different in our uniqueness.

    Yet feelings and relationships seem to be a common bond that tie a lot of us together. I’d like to smoke ganja with you sometime, tho! Grin! 🙂

  287.  #287Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 1:06 am


    I am going to seriously work this with my overeating. A lot of that is trying to fill the love tank. I know it is self-sabotaging, yet I continue. I am really going to get with my feelings. I have for years, but this just opened my understanding to how to get in touch even deeper. I am determined to take care of lil girl by not keeping her fat, too. By keeping her house neater and cleaner. By getting her finances in order. These are symptoms that confirm I am not caring enough for lil girl at the deepest level.

    She is so insecure and scared and wanting to be taken care of and comforted and nurtured.

    Food nurture is not what she needs. She needs love, touch, eye contact, and tender understanding.

    I’m gonna go to bed and cry now. This stuff is really surfacing. Thanks again! You really helped…again!

  288.  #288Daria on December 25, 2010 at 1:08 am

    Why Money is not Real

    ~ by Daria Money Goddess

    ever since i found out money is not real… i’ve felt much more at peace with it

    i feel more clear about money

    ok its a way of exchange


    exchange is not the only way people interact


    exchange is for the holidays

    a gift to you and a gift to me

    or for visits

    i visit you with gifts you gift me as a guest


    most of the time

    i dont exchange

    i give and receive

    with no exchange

    and that feels

    worthy and prosperous

    exchange is a condensing of the law of reciprocity

    in a moment of time

    between receivers and givers

    it brings the wave of energy

    to none



    instead of a powerful wind one way

    a wild abandon shaking and banging side of the libra scales

    being an ever expanding being

    i expand and radiate

    then receive something like 10 times that

    to expand some more

    then sometimes yes i contract

    when i eat something poisonous like a too colorful Mario mushroom

    and mostly

    i expand again

    like a big ass spiral


    i dont exchange

    id be bored

    so it makes a lot of sense

    to not really concern myself with FAIR

    or with getting the right amount for the right price

    or charging what the value is


    unlike science which is just one eye of looking at things

    prosperity is really unmeasurable

    and it was never meant to be measured or exchanged in the first place

    when we had seashells and cofee beans and silver

    we traded cuz we LIKED those pretty things


    there was

    an unlimited supply of silver nuggets in the mountain

    and coffee beans in the tree

    and sea shells on the sand

    its just that

    well some of us found it and a lot of us liked it

    it wasnt about a fixed amount

    just changing round and round

    cuz its always growing

    and now

    here we stand ready at last to free ourselves from scarcity and discommunication

    and its damn scary

    we are still poised to kill ourselves at any moment

    if it becomes too scary to bear

    scarier than death by atom splitting


    we can do it

    we can step off into the unknown

    of having everything we want

    just getting in and driving off in that mazarati

    because we like it

    and knowing

    that not one person

    is truly going to lack

    cuz scarcity

    we have overcome it

    and i can talk across the world

    to you rite now

    and talking to you i can help you

    i have brought all these parts of me so closely webbed together

    now i need lots and lots of hugs

    to heal that fear

    of the time we did feel pain till death

    from not enough water

    or dried coconuts

    of loneliness and not being heard

    for help


    and here i am

    i can just have that mazerati you have

    because you will give it to me

    cuz thats what you Like to do

    is give away Mazaratis

    and I

    like to get in them and drive them around

    and i like to dance party and give away words

    and stories

    and pretty pictures

    and sexy walks

  289.  #289Daria on December 25, 2010 at 2:14 am

    By practicing simple meditation, visualization and breathing exercises you can soften and open to draw in more love than you’ve ever imagined, while setting your energy so that you’re clear about your boundaries”

    Ann obriens post

    I haven’t acknowledged that I’m thrillingly grateful to be attracting handsome men. I’ve practiced opening to all men, especially those I don’t find attractive and

    I feel afraid to appreciate attracting a man who I find handsome, desirable, admirable, thrilling, exciting.

    Yet I am the one attracting this to make me feel good and I want to tell myself I am grateful.

    I want to be able to tell men I am feeling super thrilled to know hear that they want me.

    And about boundaries…

    I don’t want to feel like I’m not interesting, lovable, honorable.

    I don’t want a man that doesn’t take his time to know me or doesn’t want to date me.

    I don’t want to expect a man to cone see me and not hear anything when plans change. I don’t want to feel dissapointed.

    Men were wanting to cone thru for me when I was in big trouble. Even sexy cd. He offered me to live with him.

    Now that I was ok, it seemed like we fell off… Like he doesn’t know what I want.

    I want to let you have sex with me… I want to feel safe n ready to open fir you… I need to see u often… Feel like u love me and I can depend on you… I need to see u honor me and love me with passionate kissing … I want you to go down on me and I want to feel safe that you’re willing and able to please me… I don’t want sex before that…
    What do u think?

  290.  #290Daria on December 25, 2010 at 2:17 am

    I feel so happy and excited to hear from u and… I feel sad to hear about another woman… I like you a lit and I feel confused about whether to let u come see me… I don’t want to be friends… I want a dating relationship… What do u think?

  291.  #291marina on December 25, 2010 at 4:33 am

    Hi Daria and Brenda
    (and all other Sirens, I wish I had more time today, because I have read so many great posts that trigger so much for me (thanks for your response LonePlum :)…. perhaps tomorrow)

    I loved your posts on the inner girl!
    I have been doing this sometimes too, but not yet consistently.

    And Daria’s post on money. I really needed to hear that too, BF4 came to my house all devasted bc he didn’t make the money he thought he would. I feel so sad to see him like that.

    I’d like to recommend you the G.O.O.D.(get out of debt book) by Pam Young. She talks about our inner child too, and about giving it a name and recognizing when your inner child is afraid or taking over your spending and eating for example (it is not just about money).

    She is so funny too, I have the G.O.O.D.book as PDF and MP3.

    Love, Marina

  292.  #292Ella on December 25, 2010 at 5:28 am


    Re the little girl conversation, for me it helps just to hear her and realise what she is feeling. That takes some of the edge off the feelings, like relief that she has been heard.

    It feels weird to read about your feelings as related to Ryan so much. I want to hear more about your feelings as related to YOU. That feels good to hear about.

    For me it is about learning to create those feelings that I get from a man, but without the man.

    Sometimes it feels challenging and sometimes I feel frustrated but I know I am moving in the right direction. I feel it!

    Hugs and Merry Christmas.

  293.  #293Jennifer on December 25, 2010 at 5:46 am

    I have to turn the TV. I’m sitting here on Christmas day waiting for my nephew so we can open gifts.
    A&E SUCKS!
    This is why I don’t have TV in my apt.
    There are shows about some poor souls addicted to stuff and the reasons they hate themselves. Shows about poor souls morbidly obese …and why they hate themselves.
    Killing. My. Christmas. Buzz.
    Where is the holiday movie?

  294.  #294Jennifer on December 25, 2010 at 5:57 am

    ya know what?
    I feel excited about next year.
    I do.
    For the first time in a long time.
    I feel excited.
    I will be debt free in March…..well, mostly.
    and the Bowen lady says I can pay for the WHOLE course over a year.
    I can take all seven modules.
    And not worry so much about paying for it.
    But then …..when I get my income tax refund…I can pay for the whole thing.
    And on Friday, I took me to starbucks for a personal gingerbread latte and a guy had been there before me had left a $20 to pay for the next people’s coffeee and so I got mine free!

  295.  #295Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 6:22 am

    Marina, that book sounds excellent! Thanks! I’ll check it out!

    Ella, thanks for your feedback!

  296.  #296Dorothea on December 25, 2010 at 7:02 am

    ok i’m just gonna be honest
    christmas blows
    i’m here in my apt by myself.
    i declined LI’s invitation to spend xmas with his family because he dumped me so many times around thanksgiving, i didn’t want a repeat.

    i was feeling like i am falling out of love with him

    but then he didn’t seem all that interested in talking to me yesterday and now i’m crying crying crying like, HE DOESN’T LOVE ME ANYMORE:(

    i am a mess:(

  297.  #297Dorothea on December 25, 2010 at 7:04 am

    i am such a loser i am literally going to spend my xmas crying alone:(

    we have plans for later around like 7.

    i feel so lonely and pathetic:( and i don’t want to tell LI because it will just push him away, i am guessing!





    i feel awful:(

  298.  #298Dorothea on December 25, 2010 at 7:10 am

    i am having a rough day:( I feel really lonely. my best friend already made it clear that she doesn’t have time for me today because she has to work later (she works at a liquor store). i am a pathetic piece of moldy cheese, standing all alone.

    i do not feel strong
    i want someone to hug me
    i don’t feel worthy of it
    i feel horrible:(

    seriously spamming this blog is all i have right now.

  299.  #299Jeannette on December 25, 2010 at 7:18 am

    Dorothea, I am sorry, and I know what that’s like…been there. Can you think of anyone else to hook up with? Even over the phone helps. Get that phone book out…Sip on some tea….and just take the time to remember what a real Goddess you are.

  300.  #300Femininewoman on December 25, 2010 at 7:38 am

    Merry Christmas Dorothea. It can be a tough time of year without our dreams but you know it reminds us that we have been giving a second chance to make things better. A big virtual hug to you.

  301.  #301tinque on December 25, 2010 at 7:42 am

    Dorothea – Sending you a big bear hug…

  302.  #302tinque on December 25, 2010 at 7:43 am

    Brenda – Check your e-mail at the former address.

  303.  #303Daria on December 25, 2010 at 8:46 am

    Dorothea – aww I spent Christmas alone before… And new years. But I kinda liked it.

    I hope you’re drinking lots of fresh water with your crying. <— lame seeming attempt at comfort. I now feel like a cold uncaring orphan house guardian wOman.

  304.  #304Soul Sista on December 25, 2010 at 8:54 am

    Dorothea ~ sending your warm blessings…i know that a bubble bath always helps me feel a little bit better, kind of gets me out of my head a little so i’m not engulfed with despair.

    a side note ~ i seem to need one every day!

    once you feel a little better, you can make a new decision on how to focus your energy. baby steps…xoxoxoxoxoxo

  305.  #305Turtle Girl on December 25, 2010 at 9:21 am

    Merry Christmas anyway Dorothea. Even if you fell sad and lonely. I have spent many many holidays alone.
    I was alone last night with my take out Chinese and my dogs. My one large dog is about gone and I will be putting her down in just a couple days. A horrible time to go but then no time is good when one must face putting down a beloved animal. I know others on this site have done this and know how this feels.

    When I was in my twenties, super pregnant with my daughter I had the worst flu on Christmas day. My husband decided that even though I was sick as a dog, even though I was pregnant and vomiting out both ends, he would leave and go have Christmas with his parents on the other side of the United States thousand of miles away. He left me there sick and puking on Christmas. I am not sure why I am bringin this up except to say that it was horrible and i have never forgotten it. He could not deal with anything that was not “perfect”, And I know today even if I am alone at Christmas that I would rather be alone than with someone who does not really love me and is willing to stand by me through thick and thin.

    It does suck to feel like no one cares. The holidays are very weird. We have screwed up families or no families and it’s a time when everything we ever felt about “lack” or pain can come up at at once. I have no soothing words of wisdom, I have no quick fix, only to do what the post says this morning. Sink into every feeling you have and know that this too shall pass and that there are people out there who care.

  306.  #306Turtle Girl on December 25, 2010 at 9:23 am

    And Merry Christmas ex husband who could not love. I forgive you for your shallow unsympathetic ways on at Christmas time.

  307.  #307Jennifer on December 25, 2010 at 9:27 am

    I hope you can feel the love I am sending you today.
    I really really am.
    and ((back rubs))
    and ((home made short bread cookies and tea))
    UB OO!!!

  308.  #308Soul Sista on December 25, 2010 at 9:28 am

    Turtle Girl#305 & Dorothea ~

    I love what you wrote TG! that is the realization i just had about said “guy.”! he wants to give me crumbs and in the relationship i want the man will stick by me through thick and thin – because i deserve it as i deserve my next breath! embodying this knowing is why it is so easy today to not email him back.

    i feel grateful for this list.

  309.  #309Turtle Girl on December 25, 2010 at 9:36 am

    Soul Sista-

    Yes. It is about honoring ourselves. We ARE worthy of love and good people who will love us. Crumbs need not apply. I will no longer accept crumbs. I want the whole pie of pie……xxoo

  310.  #310Daria on December 25, 2010 at 10:45 am

    my dream last nite was that i was listening loud to old school lil kim on some steps of a grey apartment building with some guy friends…

    i was feeling very cool and relaxed

    some “college people” came and said some undermining things about my ghetto life but they didnt really stick as i felt very good about myself and even gave them a counter example to what they were saying

    then my cool friend who is in wheelchair BD came to visit me and i was happy to see him, he was laughing and smiling

  311.  #311Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 11:01 am


    RE: #302 – I don’t see anything in my email(?)

    Merry Christmas!

  312.  #312Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Turtle Girl,

    I especially liked your quote about forgiveness on an earlier post! I shared it with several friends! Thanks!

  313.  #313Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 11:13 am


    No matter how you feel right now, you are a strong, strong woman! I know this is tuff, and I know you have the know-how to make it a day of deep growth and inner revelation. Keep in mind you turned down his invite. I mean, it was with good reason, but you did have a choice of being alone.

    Have a merry Christmas anyway!

    Huggies, Brenda

  314.  #314Soul Sista on December 25, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    …WHEW…i almost emailed him…to wish him a merry xmas back…but, i realized that i am detoxing myself from the addictive cycle and i can’t go back…i felt a flush go over my whole body…so, it is a chemical thing and i need to get over it and leave my options open for the man who will really love me and be in my life.

    it could be him in the future..but right now it is definitely not and he may be on his way OUT after this year anyway…i may not want him anymore.


  315.  #315Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Merry Christmas Sirens 🙂

    I’m feeling a little under the weather today…but i feel happy and peaceful in this moment. I will head over to my parents house in a few hours. My roommate is in AZ with her parents so I have the place to myself and it feels comfy and cozy and christmassy 🙂

    But I do have something on my mind….

    So pipeliner man drove from Reno to Salt Lake and stayed with me for 2 days before flying to New York where his family (mom, dad, brothers) is and 3 little girls…he will fly back out around the first and stay until the 9th and drive back to Reno where he’s currently working.

    My dilemma…it’s at the 3 month mark and it’s long distance at this point and the sex is AMAZING and I feel like we get along soo good but it’s just imaginary right now…

    I am still dating other men and I’m enjoying myself… 🙂 but…
    The other night when pipeline man was staying with me I had a bad dream that he had starting sleeping with someone else and I had to ask him about it….it felt REALLY bad to me

    So I did a little power speech…”just so you know I wouldn’t be ok if you were sleeping with someone else”…it just kind of came out lol I didn’t plan it..he said,” ya I didn’t think you would be…that was the end of that…

    then last night I had a dream he was making out with another girl…

    I honestly don’t think there are any other women in the picture right now…I feel like it’s me getting attached and wanting to protect myself like the post said a few days ago..

    I’m wondering if my dreams are about me feeling guilty that I’m sleeping with him and dating these other men…

    I know this isn’t cheating..but a guy at work once mentioned that when people cheat they start questioning the other person and I kinda feel like that’s what’s going on with me because I’ve never questioned before..

    What do you guys think? does anyone have any similar experiences??

  316.  #316Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Way to go Soul Sista 🙂 I like your name btw

  317.  #317Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 1:44 pm

    Turtle Girl…your story about being left home on Christmas pregnant and sick makes me feel sad 🙁 I agree I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn’t love me too.

    My grandma used to always tell me…”it’s better to be alone than to wish you were” lol…this is coming from a pretty religious family where the priority is to marry and have children.

  318.  #318Darling Ella on December 25, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    I feel shivers down my arms…and spine…I feel tears holding on…about to burst…

    By chest is leaning forward…shoulders are down…I am frozen…

    He called and left message…he is back in town…and then he texted why am I not answering…
    I called back…I should have listened to my inner feeling…didn’t feel good about calling back…I was already angry and suspicious about his whereabouts …Claiming business…trips…etc…yet, not answering his phone…when I would call back…only texts…

    Yet I did call…he answered…but obviously he didn’t know he answered…I kept saying…hello? Hello??…commotion in the background…voices…he was asking “did u like that”…more commotion…a man voice…the driver (he said in the voice message he is been picked up….)…and then the same woman voice I keep hearing him talk business with often…she was cheerful…he was talking…with both of them…I listened…for 15 minutes…then I heard him asking the guy “did u call me?”…then he hung up…obviously on me…

    I have been leaning back for over two months now…I set some boundaries…yet not enough…I express myself in feeling messages…sometimes he gets it sometimes he does not…He won’t let me be…I want out of this “imaginary relationship” so bad…yet, I feel that I would fail again…

    I so knew he would be with another woman…he hasn’t called in 2 days…only txt messages…brief…all lies…and then he returns expecting as if nothing happened???

    Gosh, I have been through so much since I have known him…

    I know he will call again today…I don’t want to talk to him…I have nothing nice to say…If I confront him…he will sure lie about it…as he lied about all the others…and I felt forced to show him proof…I no longer want to feel exposed…and humiliated…that is why I no longer confront him…he still lies…he still cheats…I keep telling him I don’t feel good about how I am treated…he makes brief adjustments…then, back to his old self…

    Not sure what to say to him when he calls again…I don’t want to say anything…anymore…If I don’t answer he shows up…I don’t want my son to see me be sad or being mean/upset towards another man…So, I give in for being pleasant to “talk”…he is a master at manipulation and making think yellow is actually white…

    Wished I could say it’s easy…but it’s not…I thought is addiction…but I don’t think is my addiction no more…cause I can do well without contacting him…yet, he is the one would become persistent especially if I don’t respond…

    I want to forgive myself…yet, somehow I want him to make me feel better…I know is a trap though…I want to sooth myself instead…talk to him when I feel good…safe and protected…by me??? By him???

    Don’t know …anymore…

    Merry Christmas to me 🙁

  319.  #319Soul Sista on December 25, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    jilly ~ thanks and i was just gonna respond to you, too.

    what comes to mind in your situation is maybe you are just starting to feel weird because you are sleeping with him and getting physically attached. this is just a suggestion but maybe a little detox time to feel clear?

    and, plus, men respond to distance not words…as in your conversation with him that which i’m sure didn’t mean anything to him…only because that’s not the way men work.

    what do you think? xo

  320.  #320Soul Sista on December 25, 2010 at 2:01 pm

    darling ella ~ ((((((hugs))))))

    please find something nurturing for yourself immediately, honey.

    maybe after some relaxation you can soothe yourself with a vision of the relationship you want?


  321.  #321Darling Ella on December 25, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    Thank u Soul Sista….

    I feel so f*ucked up…:( I might be pregnant too with him…:( Gosh, would I ever learn????

    We got pregnant last year; Since he met me he said he wanted me to give him a son…I told him I was not ready…and won’t do it without marriage; he would say that’s what he wanted too;…although, I thought we were on the same page and protected sexually, he made it happened…somehow…;
    I freaked out…panicked…didn’t feel safe with him …so I had an abortion…:(

    I blamed myself and still kill myself for that…:( He wanted the child…he would say he would raise the child if I don’t want him…instead of talking about marriage, etc…I panicked…yet, I didn’t know how to express myself…

    And then, things got even worse…I projected my own feelings of guilt onto him…etc…

    I feel so exposed…and very vulnerable…right now…

    Don’t know what to do no more…:(

  322.  #322Soul Sista on December 25, 2010 at 2:30 pm

    darling ella ~ that is big stuff…this is really gonna take baby steps…i hope you find some distance from him to get your head back on straight because that is a long time for this stuff to be going on…

    …i know because i just realized a year of drama with my sexy bad boy is bad news…


  323.  #323Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 2:44 pm

    Darling Ella…jeez…this feels REALLY icky to me…my instinct would be to run far away from him…but that’s what I do..I RUN…so I might not be the best one to listen to 🙁 But I feel lots of compassion for you…but a good thing to think about is if you had a daughter what would you want her to do? there were some women posting about this in an earlier thread…

    Why would you continue to talk to him after he’s been with other women and giving you crumbs? This is all said with love…just so you know..since you can’t hear my tone 🙂

  324.  #324Darling Ella on December 25, 2010 at 2:57 pm


    Thank u 🙂 Gosh, I know I would hug her so tight…protect her…send her away…on a long trip…to reset her thinking, her feelings…

    I wished I also had a father who would do the same…and give these kind of guys a good old fashion talk/or beating…:( But I have neither….Mom is far away and no money…father passed away…

    Warm hugs 🙂

  325.  #325Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    soul sista…thanks for responding 🙂

    yes detox time is GOOD! and I have plenty of time before he comes back…

    What do you mean by distance?
    I did give myself distance because I was feeling angry and closed off and then numb yesterday and he called and I didn’t want to talk to him when I was feeling soooo many different emotions and he hadn’t done anything to deserve my bad feelings towards him…is that what you mean? Just kind of backing off?

    He could feel it cause he sent me texts later and first thing this morning and and then this afternoon and then he called and we talked for a minute (he was helping his mom cook in the kitchen…soo cute)

    he’s probably stepped up more than any man I’ve ever dated…but because it’s long distance I don’t feel like it’s real and he doesn’t talk about the future too much..I think that’s what gets me feeling vulnerable and exposed…I like that…putting it into words..I feel it in my chest…it feels tight when I think of being his girl for right now.

    But I don’t know if he’s what I want for sure either…I just have to keep reminding myself of that…and then I feel better…I’m used to being totally in control and now I feel like I am on an equal playing field with him and it feels weird and uncomfortable and sweet at the same time

    my family calls me “the run away bride” because I run as soon as it starts to get real…interesting…ive been married (for a very short period and engaged 2 times after that and I’ve been the one to end it..sad 🙁

  326.  #326Rachel on December 25, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    Daria … #273 … I am curious about the EFT on this. I’m familiar with tapping, but how do you do it with this kind of a situation … the longing, going back to the “first time I felt this way,” etc.

    How do you phrase it when you’re tapping? Like when you identify the longing or the memory, how do you state it then?

    I feel a lot of longing .. almost all the time. Even when I’m with people, I feel lonely and longing. I know that this needs to be healed and I have tried to tap for it, but haven’t felt anything clear out so I don’t think I’m finding the right thing to say or tap.

    Your words to Brenda here are powerful. Thank you both for being so open and vulnerable.

    Hugs to you, Brenda. I hear you. I love pillow talk and cuddling. Bedtime is the loneliest time for me. I would just love to be held and to whisper in the dark.

    One thing I’m pondering is … what I am missing is THAT! I attach it to a certain person with whom I shared that experience. But really, I would feel SO good to share it with another wonderful person. So maybe you are not really IN LOVE with Ryan himself, but with the moments you shared.

    It might feel good to detach that longing from Ryan and instead say that you love and miss cuddling and pillow talk. This frees some of your emotional energy to begin to envision sharing that experience with someone who is healthy and available and who loves you romantically. This has helped me… although I still trip up and attach it to _____ too often!

    I am so happy to find some of you here today. You are a sort of family for me and it feels good to connect even on Christmas!

  327.  #327Jilly on December 25, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    Darling Ella….I’ll be your pretend father for a minute and give it to ’em 😉

    My stepdad is just that type of Dad that would like to do that! But sadly his daughter (close to my age) has two little girls by two different dads and the dads don’t help much and the little one is just 5 months old and so she moved in with her boyfriend (she’s 27 and he’s 44 or 45?) and he makes double what she does (which isn’t very much) but makes her pay half the rent and for all the baby stuff…wtf????? it’s his baby too… they both work at the same grocery store..anyway last night my stepdad was sooo mad but he couldn’t do anything about it…he said just because guys are “nice” doesn’t mean they get to get away with not stepping up to be a man and take care of his “family”

    thanks for listening…I’m just feeling like writing today and it feels so relaxing…”big, relaxing sigh” 🙂

  328.  #328Turtle Girl on December 25, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Brenda #312
    You are are most welcome. Things like that are meant to be shared with as many people as possible. We are all so fragile and imperfect human beings.

    The man Henri Nouwen-google him, interesting person. Now deceased but clearly an imperfect human soul dealing with the issues of love, forgiveness, compassion and the human condition.
    Much love,


  329.  #329Daria on December 25, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    Rachel –

    with EFT

    what helps me is: FIRST, set an intention that I ALLOW myself to heal… i picture this as a gatekeeper and i allow him to open the door for me to full healing and i step through it

    then I follow along with the Resistance to Change video here:


    then the with the actual tapping

    What helps me is to speak to the little girl with Kindness, while tapping, and also speak some of her feelings

    so it would look like

    feeling disappointed

    you’re ok

    I will protect you

    worked so hard for me

    its ok to play now

    i give you a hug

    etc etc… on each spot.

    I have really boosted my EFT efficiency speaking to myself this way with a kind tone.

    speaking to myself as a part of me, or two parts of me having a conflict

    I used this from Jaqui Crooks, I use both her parts method and her Compassionate Tone and her doing inner child work

    here’s her video that inspired me:


    I also do tapping on two different ways of holding, not holding a belief,, and use I wonder statements

    I wonder if I can no longer believe this

    no i cant

    yes i know i can because if healed other stuff

    i dont want to

    i do want to


    yes i do want to.


    i also use the ask and receive process while tapping which is like this

    “a part of my being already knows that i no longer need to believe __________. and that part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now. My psyche body and spirit are receiving the information now. information transfer is now complete”

    I also do FEEL affirmations on all spots like

    I feel good about myself.

    I feel embraced by myself.

    I feel good with the level of attention I’m giving msyelf.


    I’ve also used the Blow it Out your Body and then say

    I accept this
    I accept my attachment to this
    I accept my identification with this

    (those 3 are very powerful statements for me to use)


    I accept the story of the past of this

    and I accept the story of the future of this.

    Check out the Blow it out and Accept it method on my blog, by clicking on my name it will take you to the article.

  330.  #330Daria on December 25, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    Rachel –

    with EFT

    what helps me is: FIRST, set an intention that I ALLOW myself to heal… i picture this as a gatekeeper and i allow him to open the door for me to full healing and i step through it

    then I follow along with the Resistance to Change video here:


  331.  #331Daria on December 25, 2010 at 4:48 pm

    then the with the actual tapping

    What helps me is to speak to the little girl with Kindness, while tapping, and also speak some of her feelings

    so it would look like

    feeling disappointed

    you’re ok

    I will protect you

    worked so hard for me

    its ok to play now

    i give you a hug

    etc etc… on each spot.

    I have really boosted my EFT efficiency speaking to myself this way with a kind tone.

    speaking to myself as a part of me, or two parts of me having a conflict

    I used this from Jaqui Crooks, I use both her parts method and her Compassionate Tone and her doing inner child work

    here’s her video that inspired me:


    I also do tapping on two different ways of holding, not holding a belief,, and use I wonder statements

    I wonder if I can no longer believe this

    no i cant

    yes i know i can because if healed other stuff

    i dont want to

    i do want to


    yes i do want to.


    i also use the ask and receive process while tapping which is like this

    “a part of my being already knows that i no longer need to believe __________. and that part of my being is willing to inform the rest of me now. My psyche body and spirit are receiving the information now. information transfer is now complete”

    I also do FEEL affirmations on all spots like

    I feel good about myself.

    I feel embraced by myself.

    I feel good with the level of attention I’m giving msyelf.


    I’ve also used the Blow it Out your Body and then say

    I accept this
    I accept my attachment to this
    I accept my identification with this

    (those 3 are very powerful statements for me to use)


    I accept the story of the past of this

    and I accept the story of the future of this.

    Check out the Blow it out and Accept it method on my blog, by clicking on my name it will take you to the article.

  332.  #332Daria on December 25, 2010 at 5:54 pm

    I liked this from Ann O’Brien’s website, especially the one about dialing down the analyzing to 10% and the asking my voices who they are ….

    Hello Dari,
    I’m so happy you’d like to increase your inner knowing. And I knowyou are already so intuitive, or you wouldn’t be reading this! But can you imagine a world where you trusted yourself all thetime? How peaceful, how clear, how fulfilled you would be? It IS possible! Try out my top 10 tips and see what happens:

    1). Get out of your head. If you are thinking, thinking, thinking; there is no room toreceive guidance. If you can’t seem to stop thinking, try this: Imagine there is a special part of your mind where you analyze.Next to it visualize a gauge and ask yourself: From 0 to 100percent, how much are you in your “analyzer” right now? If you get a high #, be amused, and just turn the dial down to about10%. You can always turn it up again when you need to analyze, butfor now just decide to rest in a bubble of light in the middle ofyour head, simply being aware.

    2). Get into your body. Your body is a sending and receiving station. Most of us have”checked out” of our body to some degree or another, because thebody is where we feel pain. The flip side of this is that we also need our bodies to feelpleasure, or to fully express ourselves or even function in ourlives. And the good news is that when we decide to get into ourbodies and be all that we are, the old pain has to leave. How “in your body” do you feel? If you feel like you could be morepresent, practice some deep breathing, enjoy some exercise, have amassage, or pay attention to your diet and choose more of the foodsthat feel grounding to you.

    3). Choose a supportive atmosphere. Ever noticed that you feel more tapped in in certain places, or atcertain times of the day? Maybe you have revelations when it’squiet in the early morning or evening, then lose it all when yougo to work or when you’re with your family? When I went through my clairvoyant training, I was surrounded byfellow students and teachers who believed that intuition was real,and so it was very easy to be intuitive and to trust what I saw.Now, one of the big ways I help people is by holding that space ofsaying, “Yes, spirit is real” where no one else around thembelieves it or wants to admit it. There are so many dynamics in relationships and so much depth toour lives besides what goes on on the surface. We all sense thesethings, but unless we’re in a space where we feel safe talkingabout them, it can be hard to even admit them to ourselves. With whom, where and when do you feel most supported? Put yourselfin that atmosphere more.

    4). Practice. Not only does it help to be around supportive influences, we canalso support ourselves. One of the best ways I know to do this isto practice. When I first started giving readings, I didn’t think I knew what Iwas doing, but being adventurous I gave it a shot anyway. I wassurprised when people started to say, “You’re right on,” and themore this happened the more confident I got. I never would have known though if I hadn’t tried. So practice.Practice reading a friend, practice intuiting where you’ll find aparking space, and practice writing down your dreams andimpressions so you can look back later and validate every timeyou were right.

    5). Imagine a radio dial in your head. We are always listening to something. Your mental state might beinfluenced by your inner voice, the news, programming from yourmother, or the loving encouragement from your best friends. What we don’t always realize is that we can change the channel.I like to imagine a radio dial in my head with a channel for myhigher self as well as other vibrations I’d like to receive. For example, when I was rehearsing my music as a singer/ songwriterI would tune in consciously to all the successful musicians andmatch that frequency of success as I played. You might choose totune in to all the people currently having an ecstatic relationship,or to the vibration of wealth, or whatever you would like. You don’t have to listen to Mom, Dad, CNN and everyone stuck insurvival or rush hour traffic if you don’t want to. Pick a number ornumbers on your dial for what you’d like to listen to, and tune inthere instead.

    6). When you hear a voice, or even have an interesting thought, ask”Whom am I speaking with?” If you picked up the phone and someone just started talking, you’dprobably ask pretty quickly, “Who am I speaking with?” But somehowwe rarely think to ask if it’s a voice in our heads. We usually either assume that the voices in our head are ours, or insome cases that they come from “spirit guides” who know better thanwe do. Truthfully, we are spirit too and the voices come fromvarious people and spirits at various levels of evolution. Sound far out or scary? It happens all the time, but we have achoice. Ask not only “Who is it?” but “What brings you here?” and you willlearn a lot. Ask yourself why you are listening to this and you’lllearn even more. If you don’t get an answer, that’s ok, but know this: Any voice thatrepeats obsessively or feels disrespectful or cruel is not yours andis not a voice you need to listen to. So change the channel!

    7). Be open to messages from anywhere, in any way. Some people are more visual, some more auditory, some know thingsand some feel everything. We can get invalidated if we think we aresupposed to sense information in a certain way and it doesn’thappen. I’ve taught students to visualize that psychic impressions appearlike images on a movie screen. When they looked at their screen,nothing made sense, but when I asked them to turn on the sound,suddenly they received profound insight. A lot of times we might know things but because we don’t have a”reason” nobody believes us. Or we don’t believe us. We need noreason!! And this all works best if we are playful and innocent about it.If you ask for guidance and see a black screen, you can take itseriously and decide you’re a failure, or you can go, “Hmmm… Iwonder why it’s black? What does black mean to me? If I peel offthe black, what’s underneath?” Try considering that anything may bemeaningful.

    8). Make space. In order to receive sometimes we need to let go and make room.Where is there clutter or stagnation in your life? Clean out your closets. Say the things you’ve been scared to say.Feel your feelings. Stop filling yourself with junk foods, drinksor drugs. Your inner knowing is naturally on. It’s just up to you to clearthe path.

    9). Connect with nature. How do you feel in your favorite place in nature? I know for me,nature tends to help me in so many ways: * I feel a sense of spaciousness.* I feel more grounded, more in my body.* I am immersed in Universal wisdom and a sense of magic.* I feel more open. All of these things are great for opening intuition! So go intonature, put up pictures of beautiful scenery, listen to the soundsof birds or water, get some crystals, eat fresh food… whateveryou’d like that makes sense within the circumstances of your life.

    10). Meditate. Any practice is better than nothing. You don’t have to be perfectto meditate–even breathing a few deep breaths before you jump outof bed is a great start. After many years of daily meditation, people sometimes ask me “Howdo you do it?” To which I reply, “How do I not do it?” I amdramatically more fulfilled in my relationships, work, and innerstate with meditation that I am without. Knowing myself and being in touch with my inner voice are pricelessto me, and meditation is the best way I know to cultivate this. Sostart today, even 5 minutes, and you never know- those 5 minutesmight lead to an hour! If you’d like some help with meditation, I can help. Check out themeditation products I created and order here:http://floweringsol.com/products/home-study/

    BONUS TIP: Make it up. One of the most common things I hear from students new to trustingtheir intuition is “I feel like I’m making it up.” When thatfeeling happens, GO with it, because that is exactly how it feels. I had 2 guys in a class once and one was doing a reading for theother one’s Dad. The guy reading claimed he didn’t see anythingthat made sense. He thought his mind had just fabricated thesebizarre images. When I finally persuaded him to tell us what he saw, his fellowclassmate was astounded! The guy described his partner’s Dad’s caras well as a Hawaiian shirt, not knowing that the Dad was about totake a trip to Hawaii. So you never know what you know until you give a little space foryour imagination, and trust yourself enough to blurt it out. Closeyour eyes now and imagine an impression from your inner knowing. Have fun noticing how much you know! And if you’d like to continuedeveloping your skills, please visit http://www.FloweringSol.com and let meknow how I can support you further, To your insight! AnnAnn O’BrienFlowering Sol, LLCIntuitive * Healer * Flower Essence Practitioner * Yoga & Meditation Teacher

  333.  #333Soul Sista on December 25, 2010 at 8:50 pm

    @ jilly #325 ~ just got back from dinner…yeah, backing off…leaning back completely.

    for me, right now, even though he emailed me first i did not email him back because i know that would start the cycle of yearning over (he’s long distance) and it feels bad. i know now i don’t want to put myself through it. i am going to nurture myself and not contact him until i feel i can do so without feeling too weird (i have to for business). i’m going to contact him Monday via email to wrap up a business matter and that will be it for a while.

  334.  #334Rachel on December 25, 2010 at 9:20 pm

    Daria … thank you so much. I am looking forward to checking out these videos tomorrow. I feel exhausted from holding it together today for my girls. Tomorrow will be a good day to rest and reflect and recover!

  335.  #335Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    “Dear God,
    I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
    Who will I be when I have nothing left to hold on to?
    Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
    Please help me to gradually open my hands
    and to discover that I am not what I own,
    but what you want to give me.
    And what you want to give me is love,
    unconditional, everlasting love.
    — Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

  336.  #336Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 10:49 pm


    “Dear God,
    I am so afraid to open my clenched fists!
    Who will I be when I have NO ONE left to hold on to?
    Who will I be when I stand before you with empty hands?
    Please help me to gradually open my hands
    and to discover that I am not WHO I CARE FOR,
    but what you want to give me.
    And what you want to give me is love,
    unconditional, everlasting love, WHICH IS YOU.
    — Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Only Necessary Thing: Living a Prayerful Life)

  337.  #337Brenda on December 25, 2010 at 11:35 pm

    “(From Reaching Out) To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit,l from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play.”
    — Henri J.M. Nouwen

  338.  #338Rosalie on December 26, 2010 at 1:47 am

    @Darling Ella:

    I was touched very much from what you wrote… I know how a difficult situation is. Please write me an email if you feel like: hungarianbeauty25@gmail.com

    I would like to know more about you, but of course I would like to respect your blog privacy.

    I feel that we have so much in common.

    Right now, I would like you to comfort yourself if you can. Sit down, relax, watch a movie. You are such a beautiful woman!!!

    I was also pregnant once, at the a age of 23 from my ex-fiancee I broke up with 2 years ago. It was a spontaneous abortion, I didn’t even know that I was pregnant. I didn’t feel anything. Our body and instincts know the best for us I guess so…

  339.  #339Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 6:25 am


    Thanks for your comments. I am just not there. Not yet. I’ve tried. I don’t know.

  340.  #340Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 6:26 am

    Yesterday, I went through many emotions…:( I took two bubble baths (Soul Sista’s suggestion 🙂 )…and with Daria’s help, I managed to work on each one…very deep…Thank u Daria, the process felt amazing, revealing…u are amazing…

    Jilly thank you for sharing about u step dad 🙂 It did make me smile 🙂

    Yes, these days many women accept the 50% financial contribution to the relationship…Since my divorce, eight years ago, I felt Ok with 50%…now, I feel certain it won’t feel good to me…but, I know women who feel comfortable and that’s ok too…

    Rosalie # 337:

    Thank you so dearly. It feels a bit weird (as in good way weird) to hear u say my story resonates to u…
    because the other day, I wrote a long comment to you…sharing a bit about my past testimonies in an intent to encourage you…but I lost all the comment…laptops are tricky sometimes…

    I will send u a note on gmail…That would feel good 🙂

    Warm hugs,

  341.  #341Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 6:29 am

    Darling Ella,

    Hi, do you know for sure if you are pregnant?

    Things have a way of working themselves out. Feel free to email me at mistywindfall@earthlink.net if you would like.

    Hugs, Brenda

  342.  #342Darling Ella on December 26, 2010 at 6:55 am

    Thank you Brenda…Well, I am about five days late…:(

    Warm hugs,

  343.  #343Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 8:43 am

    Holy wow, you all are such supportive women. I feel blessed and undeserving to come back here today to find such beautiful, supportive messages.

    I feel embarrassed too! Terribly embarrassed.

    So this is what happened. I called LI at 745 in the morning (lol, that man would not be up at that hour unless he was going to work, so i was being a little crazy) and he didn’t answer (well no sh*t), so I called back a bit later and still no answer.

    yeah i leaned forward. i thought i would feel better if i just chatted with him a bit.

    So he called me back a few minutes later, said merry christmas, and i told him how i was feeling, and he said just let me come get you right now to spend christmas with me and my family. i told him i wasn’t sure that was a good idea, but he talked with me through it and next thing you know he got in the car and drove almost an hour to get me and bring me back.

    He was really happy I was there with him. We had a nice time and I actually stopped crying, lol.

    I learned about myself this Christmas, that I can’t spend it completely alone, even if I want to. All the hullabaloo around me about spending time with your loved ones really gets to me. I should not be alone at that time. I get invitations but I turn them down. I think I will feel sad and uncomfortable around people who are not my family but are with theirs. but i think the alternative sucks worse.

  344.  #344Soul Sista on December 26, 2010 at 9:46 am

    hi ladies ~ i’m still leaning back. it’s working…my mood swings have stopped. it ain’t about him it’s about me.

    so, i’m ready to go on some fun dates now. i don’t like the idea of going out trying to find someone to get married (ugh) but going out, having fun, i can do that and i deserve it.

    one of my profiles showed up so i tweaked it a bit to sound fun.

    as far as the guy, at the moment, i feel nothing for him. i can’t believe it. about myself, i feel i am some very precious goods.

    but, the thing i realized is that the mood swings were changing so much i couldn’t make any decisions based on how they were making me feel. if i feel really bad again i know now i just won’t do anything for then and it will pass eventually.

  345.  #345Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 10:26 am


    Yay! I feel happy for you spending Christmas with his family AND HIM! Here’s wishing you the best new year yet! You are a wonderful woman!

  346.  #346Daria on December 26, 2010 at 10:48 am

    I feel weird and concerned hearing that Dorothea came to the conclusion that she Can’t. Spend Christmas alone. I feel tummy tight hearing that.

    I feel glad that she had fun

    I feel concerned that in the future she may have Christmas Aline and a voice will now tell her she can’t and shell feel tormented again.

    I feel scared to express on stuff involving her… I feel really sensitive in this area. I feel the fear this will be taken as a criticism and defended against.

    Id like to feel safe that Dorothea is safe no matter how alone she is on Christmas.

    I feel curious and intrigued that she took care of herself and reached out for help.

    That is my intention lately to ask for what I want more.

  347.  #347Soul Sista on December 26, 2010 at 11:05 am

    i started feeling a little weird, like i was being mean, about not acknowledging his xmas greeting seeing that he has no idea how i’m feeling…he’s pretty clueless, that much is clear, plus i have not told him how i’m feeling. so i just said “thanks…hope you had a nice one 🙂 xoxo” friendly, did not say “i miss you” (because i don’t) or “i love you” because i feel nothing.

    i think he’s still hoping his crumbs will be enough to make up for his self-absorption but they are not, indicative by the way i feel. he’s not being mean to me, or trying to be a jerk…it’s just the way he is and i have been allowing it. i can stop the pattern without being mean.

  348.  #348Daria on December 26, 2010 at 11:09 am

    Last nite i dreamt I kept having to go back to the store to get my phone upgraded and I kept running into this one guy

    Then I was in a cooking school camp and my girl who I felt weird reconnecting with was there… We were tying tobleave and I found a turkey skin someones family had left on the counter abd I thot they probably don’t want it so I stuffed it in my mouth. Then we were about tO drive off with that guy but… She had to go per so I had seem a toilet and took her there.

    Then she overheard other girls getting drunk and talking shut about me how I always eat everybody’s food. This felt bad, and I went in there and then I was like who was talking about me behind my back. And this one girl was like you eat food that’s not yours even tOday you did. So it got to be a fight she rushed me but I picked her up and spun her around – she was bigger than me but was really drunk – and tied her into a pretzel the shook her and she became 10 foot long orange colored spaghetti noodles.

    Then I felt powerful and still bad so I started yelling and almost crying that yes I do eat food and I’m sorry… That I eat the stuff that I think no one wants … And I did eat the turkey skin today I thought no one wanted it cuz it wasn’t on a plate and I know most people here don’t like fat and skin. So I was like noo I don’t want a great turkey skin to go to waste and I feel bad cuz I felt a lil funny ESP the way the girl was looking at me I felt guilty so I tried to cover it up by quickly stuffing it all in my mouth. And I feel especially guilty thinking it might have been for the kids or something. And I’m sorry.

    This was very different than my original intention which was to beat them up for talking ish about me so I was surprised but happy w myself that I was being authentic.

    And then I woke up.

  349.  #349Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 11:32 am

    That’s a crazy dream! awesome.

    i have just been dreaming about running from the cops. I even looked up nonextradition countries after enough of these dreams. they’re all 3rd world countries that are too scary to me to live in haha. sigh.

  350.  #350Daria on December 26, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Dorothea – many south American countries don’t have extradition do they? They may be 3rd world but are way less scary than conquered US ( just the propaganda makes it seem otherwise ).

    Cuba! I heard Cuba is freaking awesome. And amazing healthcare.

  351.  #351Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 11:56 am

    i believe cuba and haiti are the only non extradition countries on this side of the planet.

    russia does not have extradition treaties with the US, but that could change.

  352.  #352Daria on December 26, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Dorothea – Cuba rocks! I want to visit.

    U’s citizens cam visit by going to Mexico then flying into Cuba from there. Cuban customs doesn’t stamp your passport, they hand u a plastic visa card. And u return it on exit. That way it doesn’t show up that you visited.

    I have a Romanian passport too so I cam use that.

    My cousin was thinking of having her honeymoon there. It’s really nice and friendly.

    A group of Latino students from my college organized a trip there too. They said it was awesome.

    Their doctors are the best and they often help others. Cubas infant mortality ( a general measure of health status) is lower than the US.

  353.  #353Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    i have always wanted to visit cuba. my uncle went and he has lived all over the world and he wasn’t too thrilled about being there. but we’re all different so maybe i will like it.

    the thing i dont like about not being to fly directly to cuba is getting swooped up in mexico on my way to cuba. too dangerous!

  354.  #354Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    i like this fun chakra clearing exercise!! it feels so neat in your palms to feel your energy at all your chakras.

  355.  #355Dorothea on December 26, 2010 at 12:14 pm

  356.  #356marina on December 26, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Hello dear Sirens,

    Just a quick THANK YOU for your support.

    BF4 asked me for some money again in a sms.
    At first I switched of my phone.
    I really dreaded to tell him I didn’t feel like lending him money anymore.

    I switched on my phone again and he called me.
    I told him I looked at how much I already lend him and that I was shocked by the amount and that I did’t want to lend him anymore.
    He just said, Well, are you sure about the amount? ‘
    I said ‘Yeah.
    Ok, I forgot, he gave me back 850 euros, but that still leaves a big amount of money.

    ‘Well, I will have to get a proper job, won’t I? ‘
    That’s what he said.
    ‘Actually, I wil go with my brother tonight and work.’

    Phew that was nice to hear, it was not what I feared he would say.

    After that he tried to comfort me or tried to feel less bad himself, I don’t really know.
    ‘Please don’t be upset, you still have your savingsaccount. And there are people out there that don’t even have food to eat.’

    I replied in a small voice.’Sniff, well I was really shocked. And I haven’t really been able to save this way, was I. I really feel upset about this. Sniff’

    ‘I am so sorry Sweetie’, he said.
    ‘That’s OK, I was there all the time, it was me who kept giving you that money.’ I replied.

    Ok, I might have overdone it with that last part, it wasn’t truly what I was feeling, I wasn’t feeling that sad or powerless. It was my dramaqueen that wanted to play out her cards, but it actually immediately made me feel bad, I did it to make him feel bad. He already apologized.

    I’d rather have him tell me he will pay me back, but I am pretty sure he will, since he has done so before and he feels better when he keeps his word. And otherwise, my fault that I lend that money in the first place, a very expensive life lesson indeed.

    I feel that it was a good thing to show my boundary. And that BF4 reacted really good to it too. He heard me and understood me and we could talk about it in a businesslike of way.

    Anyway, it is a good thing to be aware of my finances.

    I am trying to feel why I put the last part in it.
    I don’t really know why I played out the helpless little girl card.
    It feels a bit like I really took care of myself in a strong, feminine way and than got afraid of that part of me.
    Or that I didn’t want to show that part of myself to him.
    Or that it was my inner child that I wanted him to take care of, while it was me who should take care of her.

    Haha, no,it was my nasty voice ( I am still getting used to that word, I’d like to use another name). After I had success with stating my boundary, it took that good feeling away and told me I should still take the blame, by saying it was me who kept giving the money, that it was my fault altogether. Oh, how humble of me…

    I still don’t really feel my feelings, let alone give feeling messages.
    Also, I didn’t say anything about my feelings how I feel this money thing affects our relationship.


    I have mixed feelings about this.
    I learned quite a bit:

    I don’t like lending money. I’d rather like to give money to someone if I feel like doing so.

    I was really shocked to learn that I was getting into problems while lending BF4 money.
    It made me feel that I don’t earn enough money to support more than one person, let alone a family, even if I wanted too.
    That if I want to have a family one day, I will have to make sure I start to make more money and definetely spend less (I don’t even earn a car or house yet).
    (It made me wonder how other people who have families, cope, I earn just beneath average)

    And that I would like BF4 to (be able to) support himself (and our possible future family) too.

    Also, I have never really discussed money with BF4 before, not the sharing, spending, budgetting part, only the moneymaking part and how his family and friends always asked him about money. And that we had very little money when I was growing up.

    Also, I think we feel different about money.
    I am more used to being individualistic, just taking care of myself by myself, while he is more used to sharing.

    I’d really like to discuss that.

    What do you think?

    Love, Marina

  357.  #357marina on December 26, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    I am doing a little crazy dance.
    I am happy stating my boundary worked out completely different from what I feared.

    Now what, no need to worry about this anymore…
    I took up a problem that clearly wasn’t mine.

    I feel empty, I am so used to worry worry worry.

    But I like this feeling much much much more 🙂
    Oh my!!! I do!!!

    I feel peaceful.
    I feel I can take care of myself.

    It feels good!
    It feels YUM!
    It feels empowering!


  358.  #358marina on December 26, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    BF4 just called me back.

    I think you are cured he told me.
    If you can say NO to me, you can say NO to anyone.
    And please, always be honest with me like this.

    Thank you, that feels really sweet, I said.
    There will be many more times I wil have to say NO, I am not there yet you know.

    You are the only one I have asked money of, because we have a bond (he probably meant the we are a team-feeling).
    Yeah, I know I said. I really want to help you.

    I am still used to making a lot of money he said, what feels like a lot of money to you, still doesn’t feel like a lot of money to me.
    I will help you too when you get into troubles and I can help you he said.

    So far the good part.

    I have no money left. I will have to find a job here. He said. He didn’t say it like he was looking forward to it.

    I fear he will give up on trying to make a living here. That is why I kept helping him. I wanted to keep him here.
    He made some really good money for the last few years, bought a house in Morocco, where he is from. Brought a minivan there. Put all his money in a savingsaccount there. He cannot reach that money from here.
    Right now he says he feels like a king there and like a soldier here.
    I feel sad that you feel that way I said. I wish you could see you have so many options to make money here.

    I know it is up to him to decide what he wants.
    But I just feel like crying.
    I want to be happy.
    I want him to be happy.
    I don’t want him to go there and leave me here.

  359.  #359marina on December 26, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    This is too funny, after what I posted about money…
    I just did
    And got ‘Plenty Cash’ !!! LOL

    Anyway, I have options too, I am writing down what I am feeling, what I want, when I see BF4 I will talk about it.

    Feel less scared, giving myself a big hug, drinking a cup of tea and I am off to bed!

    Sweet dreams!


  360.  #360Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 4:29 pm


    Hi, I don’t know your full story, but I just read these three posts, and it feels really yucky to me that he repeatedly asks you to borrow money. His words, “Please don’t be upset, you still have your savings account. And there are people out there that don’t even have food to eat.” sound extremely manipulative.

    How long have you known him? Do you feel confident that he won’t use you and then move back to Morocco? I know you said he paid you back before, but…

    A man is supposed to protect and provide for a woman. You are setting a precedent that you provide for him. He sounds like a spoiled rich boy from my perspective. I know to each her own, but since you asked us what do we think…

    If it were me, my policy would be, “No, sorry, I am not a bank. I feel really uncomfortable lending you money. It would feel so good to be provided for, as a woman. What do you think?”

    I don’t lend to people unless they have paid me back the first time. But I try to avoid it altogether.

    Lending to him to keep him there feels really yucky, too. I say that as someone who used to do that. If he isn’t there on his own means, you may find that he’s going to love you and leave you, and you were just being used. I hope that’s just the jaded side of me.

    But none of this sounds normal, and it sounds like taking advantage and using. When money gets involved in any relationship, it alters the nature of the relationship. You know someone’s true feelings for YOU when money is not involved.

  361.  #361marina on December 26, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Hi Brenda,

    Thanks for your reply.
    I will try to answer your questions.
    We have been together for 4,5 years. We don’t live together.

    It is only since 5 months that he asked me to lend him money, like 50 or 100 euros everytime, for his car or cigarettes. I had a bad feeling about it the first time, but wanted to help him, I see you understand.
    Before that, he always paid everything when we were together and I felt good about that.

    Hmm, yeah, he is spoilt in being used to make money quite easy, he definetely wasn’t spoilt at home, more the opposite.

    But it is not about him is it.

    It is about me and about me overfunctioning to get what I want.
    No matter what kind of man he is or how he behaves.
    It is only me who can protect myself and state my boundaries.
    And me not taking crumbs but the entire cake 😉
    It is about me not taking care of myself, about me not loving myself, not feeling I am worthy of what you say a woman is worthy of.
    I definetely have been going down the road that many Sirens went done on. It is only here that I see how I can stop it and take on another, hopefully much brighter and happier road and this is just one of my first babysteps.

    No, I fear that your jaded side is really helpful here…
    He can behave manipulative. He actually told me that he doesn’t really like this country and that his family here and me are the only ones that keep him here.

    I feel really exhausted and like I don’t want to really see what is going on.
    I am still glad that I stated my boundary.

    I am definetely not a bank and I joked about that before, but definetely am not!
    GRRRRRR as if I like working!!!!

    Thanks again for your care and attention Brenda.

    I am really off to bed now…

  362.  #362Brenda on December 26, 2010 at 5:30 pm


    You’re welcome! Hey, I like the lips on your gravatar! 🙂

    At least you have a 4-5 year history with him. That makes a difference. I still wouldn’t keep lending if it were me tho.

    I think it’s different when a man is disabled or whatever, unable to earn money.

    Good night!

  363.  #363marina on December 27, 2010 at 6:05 am

    Hi Brenda,

    Well especially for you, the gravatar with my lips 😉

    Hmm, actually, I feel that since we have known eachother for 4,5 years, we have had quite some time to develop a toxic relationship….
    Which we both contribute to…

    I feel still very new to this, I feel that writing everything down here helps me to

    1. see what is going, unravel what is going on inside me and around me. and see where I stand on my way to becoming a Goddess and having the relationship I want.

    2. practice Rori’s Tools

    Love, Marina

  364.  #364marina on December 27, 2010 at 6:06 am


  365.  #365Brenda on December 27, 2010 at 6:15 am

    Right on!

  366.  #366Laura on January 12, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    This blog is so inspiring but I it almost just makes me feel jealous that you all are stronger than I am to do what is best for you.

  367.  #367Rori Raye on January 12, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Laura – you’re as strong as any of us. You just need some new skills and the patience to practice them – just a little bit of courage step-by-step – and you HAVE that! Love, Rori

  368.  #368Laura on January 13, 2011 at 8:11 am

    I don’t really even know how to go about this.

    In terms of circular dating…. ummm I’m having trouble getting ONE man never mind tons of them. I couldn’t circular date even if I wanted to…

    I find it hard to feel confident in myself because I feel like I don’t even know who I am or how to go about finding that out. I mean… my main “activity” would be going to work… and aside from that, just hanging out with my friends and family. I don’t really know what I even truly care about these days… and definitely not what I care about enough to call it a part of who I am..

    Thus, trying to “keep the focus on me” just drives me to have that “Voice” who focuses on how boring I am.

    I am a nurse… it seems what makes me happiest is to care for others. In all my past relationships I believe I’ve “overfunctioned” and just acted as if my man was a patient, I guess. My main activity used to be community service. I don’t even know how to not serve others.

    If I lean back… I’m simply not contacted… and just feel worse.

    I find it hard to even interact with people nevermind men when I feel so self conscious about what I say and do.

    Don’t even know how to begin to work through this..

  369.  #369Simply Shannon on January 13, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Laura, Maybe now is the time to do some work… to figure out who you are and what makes you feel alive. I know exactly what you mean and where you are in your life. I’m still there at times myself but I’m taking baby steps to figure out who I want to be and what brings me joy. It feels exciting and scary to finally see I can be anyone I choose to be. Lots of people never even notice this. They go through life just making it through the day and never become who they really want to be! Ya know?

    So what do you want to do? Who do you want to be? What is one thing you can do to start the ball rolling? For me, I pray and ask God what step He wants me to take.

    Sometimes I just sit with the uncomfortable feelings. See what they tell me. I don’t reach out to anyone. I just honor my feelings of discomfort, despair, loneliness. And let the tears come if they want to. Forgive myself for not noticing them sooner. That’s usually when I hear from God.

    P.S. If you click on the main logo at the top of the page, it will take you to the main post. There’s a lot more activity on the newest topic that Rori posts. You’ll find lots of support there.

    See you around Laura! Shannon

  370.  #370Popsicletoes53 on November 5, 2012 at 3:41 pm


    I understand how you feel about circular dating… it seems to be either feast for famine for me.. either I have too many interested or zero interested.

    What really has helped me and made me more attractive to the opposite sex is “dating” myself.. focusing on what makes me happy. I have met a fabulous guy.. but he has not asked me for exclusivity so I am going to date myself for a while and do some circular dating if it comes my way… there is another man interested in meeting for coffee and he is supposed to call later this week.

    So my advice to you is follow the plan and use the tools.. I was so desperate to change my dating life that I was willing to do anything to improve my relationships with men.. and sometimes I think it takes that.. total utter desperation where you will abandon everything you thought you knew about dating and just listen to someone’s coaching.

    I just know this now… the guy that I have recently met is totally responding to the feeling messages.. I mean the more I tell him how I feel the closer he moves in toward me. And when he decompresses and sort of shuts down… I just relax (say a prayer of release over him… as God to help me release the man in love and acceptance to do for himself what he needs to do) and give it a couple of days before I send him a little cutesy text.. and it is like a dam bursts and he is all over me again!!!!

    I really don’t think there is any way following this plan to fail… and by that I mean.. in following the plan you will understand your own heart and what is good for you.. and if you follow the plan.. then letting go of that person is easier and the outcome no matter what it is will be #1 your own spiritual and emotional growth and #2 you will have enriched his life by treating him like a man…

  371.  #371Popsicletoes53 on November 5, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    OK I wanted to share a little bit about my surrender moment this past weekend. My feller had to work on Saturdays and because his job is very physical he just wears himself out on his shift.. He had given me a sexy phone call that morning.. I didn’t hear from him rest of day.. and only got a short text from him on Sunday…and by Sunday evening I was starting to panic.. and my imagination was running wild… (I am very silly some times).. So in desperation I prayed to my Higher Power and asked for the Holy Spirit to just give me a little bit of day light in this dark place I had created for myself with my fear. For me that is usually all I need to make a break for the light and run into the light.. so being a faithful Higher Power.. I got a little light shown into my dark place and I ran for the light emotionally and spiritually and was able to pray a surrender prayer over my feller. And I immediately got peace…

    So this morning I had not gotten a text from him.. so I wrote him a flirty light text “kissing you… you up yet?”… and he came back like a dam burst with flirty texts… then called me.. and we talked for a while about our weekend and then his work day… and I went to lunch with one of my BFF’s to my favorite restaurant (dating myself)… and after lunch I looked at my messages and feller had sent me a song which he sang to me… folks this stuff works!!!!

    So very happy this weekend I was able to go through a type of surrender.. and get peace.