3 Simple Rules To Survive The Holidays…From Michael Fiore

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michael fioreOkay – I really, really like Michael Fiore, and I really liked this letter.ย  I have his permission to post it with a link to his products at the end….

Hey, it’s Mike . . .

Since it’s (insert holiday of choice) today and I’m spending the week on the frigid East Coast with my family (and finally getting to meet my nephew) I didn’t have time to write you a full-on newsletter this week. BUT I did want to get SOMETHING to you today, so . . .

A. Happy (Insert Holiday of Your Choice) . . .

B. Thanks for a great 2012. We get a ton of emails every single day from men and women thanking us for our programs, Facebook wall, podcast and all that other stuff, but I don’t get to say thank you to YOU often enough. Doing this work has changed my life in ways I never thought possible and there’s nothing that paints a smile on my face as wide as when I see folks taking our stuff, using it and getting results they want so much. You rock.

C. Holidays are stressful. Family brings out the worst in us.

Here’s 2 simple rules for getting through today without ripping your hair out and dancing naked in the middle of a Walmart.

1. Remember: Talking about politics, religion, sex or that time your brother tied you up with belts and neck ties and shoved you in a closet when you were 12 so he could watch your dad’s dirty movies on grainy VHS is about as smart as trying to lose weight by going on the “All Donuts And Lard” diet.

Holidays aren’t about working out family issues or convincing your crazy Aunt that the President is/ is not a Martian Warlord trying to destroy the planet with his giant ears. Holidays are about survival, frozen smiles, getting cool and/or hilarious presents and keeping the delicate familial status quo as close to equilibrium as possible.

Here’s a short list of safe topics to discuss with your family members during the holidays:

* TV shows (Except for Glee because REALLY what is it telling our CHILDREN that folks just burst out into SONG like that? And what’s up with Kate Hudson’s abs? Those can’t be real!!.)

* Books (Except for 50 Shades of Gray because . . . uhh. You know.)

* Movies (Except the Hobbit – did they really need to expand a 300 page book into THREE movies? That means each THREE HOUR movie is only 90 pages of book. Talk about a cynical cash grab. Sheesh!)

* Board games (except for Monopoly, because that game was designed by evil men for the explicit purpose of making your brother hate you.)

* Lindsay Lohan (because all you can really do is pity her and wonder what happened to that talented little girl.)

* How sincerely and absolutely happy you are to be with your family on this sacred day even though you had to deal with air travel and/or highways on (HOLIDAY OF YOUR CHOICE) because they are totally worth it and there’s nobody you love being with more.

2. The Reason your brother/sister/uncle/mother/father/cousin/racist grandparent drive you so crazy is because deep in your heart you know they are a twisted mirror of you…a path you could have gone down. A person you could have been or could still be. It’s best not to be so much depressed by this as kind of oddly bemused. Smile and nod. Save the introspection and the anger for when you get home.

3. Hate isn’t opposite of love, apathy is. The fact that your family pushes your buttons so much better (and so much harder) than anyone else just means you care about them. When you want to rant and rave and scream and be REALLY offended because Mom should KNOW that you don’t like chives in your mashed potatoes just take a moment to laugh at yourself and say “I love you” to SOMEBODY in the room.

You’ll be happy you did.



I recommend Mike’s “Text The Romance Back” and his “Secret Surveys” too…and love his free newsletters…here’s the link through my webmaster at http://www.LoveRomanceRelationship.com/go/textromance/


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  1.  #1Goddess Lily on December 25, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Merry Christmas sirens. Thank you for the birthday wishes on Siren Island. Feeling a little low today. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for my fam, friends, and siren community. I just feel blah. I slept through most of the day. 8 hours left of my birthday.

  2.  #2Daria on December 25, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Happy Birthday Goddess Lily!

  3.  #3Daria on December 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    wow that was awesome, thank you Daria for doing that

    you are so sexy when you watch porn

    i feel embarassed and compelled to ‘chat’ and ‘cover up’ here and i love that awful feeling im experiencing right now

    im so sexy experiencing this awful feeling

    im so sexy experiencing urges to have sex!

    wow cool this is making me feel better

  4.  #4Daria on December 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    What? are these people talking about… i don’t ‘get’ how ‘you all’ experience ‘the holidays’

  5.  #5Daria on December 25, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    making a ‘you all’ got me feeling rageful.. wow how interesting

  6.  #6Rebecca on December 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm


    What a weird thing to say..

    “C. Holidays are stressful. Family brings out the worst in us.”

    Hmm?? Why should that be so. Load of bs.

    Families shouldn’t bring out the “worst” in us and it shouldn’t be minimalised when they do.

  7.  #7Daria on December 25, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    french girls do have something sensual and natural in the way they move and their eye contact

  8.  #8Daria on December 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    i wish me and my Homegirls went to the symphony hella high

    or my homegirls had the same interests as me like my homeboys and i do and without feeling lik we steppin on each others toes

  9.  #9Daria on December 25, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    now come to think of it, my homeboys step on my toes too out in public but i just raise an eyebrow and swipe em off my shoulder… i want to do that with women too … ouchie inner heart

  10.  #10Sassy on December 25, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, goddess lily.

  11.  #11Miss Bells on December 25, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    It is so cold and rainy here. It is dark already. I am alone, sorting my boxes and moving things in, putting away.

  12.  #12Daria on December 25, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Ohhhh I just had an idea. I’m gona tell men I’m
    Auditioning them for a porno shoot and their audition is to eat pussie Then they’ll get called back based on my review

    Yay that feels fun!!!!


    Then that’s really what it’s like for me anyway

    Haha that makes it easy to understand

    Feels fun n exciting

    I love my siren playfulness and creativity

    I feel thrilled !

    I feel turned on woo hoo !

  13.  #13Daria on December 25, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Miss bells – its still light out on the peninsula. You should smoke this hash J with me ๐Ÿ™‚

  14.  #14Daria on December 25, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    I feel scared

    Maybe I should lay off… Guys sexuality might be way more fragile than mines…. They may not like my sexuality… If I’m open n raunchy like that… I feel sad… I feel scared….

    I’m playing a game. What if they don’t like my game ?

    I like playing this game

    I feel hot abd embarassed and icky and ashamed playing this game

    I feel sad playing this game

    I feel relaxed playing this game

    I love my shame n ick

    I love my sexuality

    I love being open n wanting to talk about sex !


    I love me !

  15.  #15Daria on December 25, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    U know how I got involved w men who weren’t a good fit for me?

    Cuz I didn’t hold my blissful of Auditioning men thru oral sex before having sex w them

    I Always did that and had great sex

    I felt unworthy cuz he had paid for a nice hotel


    He wasn’t good at it!

    This time I’m gona be aware of my boundaries and honor th no matter What anyone says or if they ridicule me or support me

    I feel mad to notice that

    I like my new in your face approach better

    And what if there’s no men ?

    There will be

    Honor boundaries

    They say I’m

    So what

    Control that shut girl, it’s your pleasure were screening for

  16.  #16Butterfly Wings on December 25, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    Well it seems that J has poofed and while I’m not happy about that, I’m ok. In saying that, if he were to walk through my door right now, I’d totally take advantage of him because he’s just such a nice guy and so soooo HOT! Plus I’m about to ovulate, so am feeling a little…uh… in the mood! haha!

    But he’s not around, and today my focus is on Mr Italian, who has promised to show me the most romantic time EVER. He has also revealed he has nice arms. I think I may be in love. lol

    Ex coworker D hasn’t been in contact for a couple of days either, but revealed the other day that he’s been thinking of me. I’ll see him on Saturday night at a card night I’m going to. He’s very open to showing affection so I know I’ll be on cloud 9 after that night!

    Mr Italian returns on Friday but I have plans Friday night. So he’s told me he will come up with something for NYE but also wants to see me before then.

    CDing rocks!

  17.  #17Luzydel on December 25, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    I do not like MF’s style, it is very surface kinda advice, very American (nothing wrong with that, just not my style).

    I am practicing being open with family, I think I couldn’t stand my family before because I had resistance and every little thing they did felt bad, because I did not know how to received and give without expectations.

  18.  #18GingerSky on December 25, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    FW Posted recently the article A Note To Women From A Man: You Are not Crazy, which was entirely awesome imo. I just ran across a sequel article by the same guy! (which is also entirely awesome)


  19.  #19Luzydel on December 25, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Very interesting view as a man; he also picked the wrong women… This is so similar to what some of us women do.

    Donโ€™t Let This One Go


  20.  #20GingerSky on December 25, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Wow. Nuff said. This hits home for me as something I’ve realized in several break ups in my life, but now deeper and more consciously than ever.


  21.  #21Daria on December 25, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    A lot of guys who ‘just have sex’ are ewed out by feet and stuff. Sorry guys, I’m freaky. You don’t get to have me easy I want all my fantasiez fulfilled.

  22.  #22MovingMagic on December 25, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    How do two people who are so different, & with two very different life experiences work in a relationship? I’m speaking of my ex. I love him, & yet I don’t know how. I’m triggered all over the place when it comes to him. I know that this experience is lush with learning/growth. Im learning how to sit with my responses, honor my own needs, & feel my way thru words.Words of wisdom anyone?

  23.  #23Daria on December 25, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Ohok it’s ‘American’ I get it. Maybe even ‘English


  24.  #24GingerSky on December 25, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    #19 Luzydel I loved the article you posted!

  25.  #25GingerSky on December 25, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    #22 No words of wisdom, Moving Magic, just looks of recognition, bc I *get* this… been there a lot, even recently. (Seems marriages in my family resemble this too.) Well described.

  26.  #26GingerSky on December 25, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    #17 Yeah, Luzydel, I liked MF’s gist, but my first thought was “I feel alienated/empty bc I’m not into pop culture stuff/pov.” A huuuge issue for me right now, leaves me feeling lonely and isolated a lot! But he seems like a lovely man, very caring, warm, insightful, step-up.

  27.  #27Daria on December 25, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    Omg Scorpio CD is coming over n bringing me Gumbo !!!!!!

    I feel so excited this is before neighbor CD cd bring me gumbo.

    I haven’t seen Scorpio CD in Foreeeever

    I feel so excited he lives close so hell be here in 30 min


    I had to dump the guy I auditioned for my porno over the phone he was not a good fit he was all about what he could get back sexually …. Turn off !!

  28.  #28Daria on December 25, 2012 at 7:51 pm

    Butterfly wings – omg you Rock !

    I love how you write about how good you’ll be feeling after!

    I’m gonna feel hella good after Scorpio Cd brings himself and this weed and gumbo to my house right now

    I suddenly wish I was in Australia … It’s hot there ?

  29.  #29Tereana on December 25, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Happy Birthday, Goddess Lily!!

  30.  #30MovingMagic on December 25, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Tell me more Gingersky…

  31.  #31Tereana on December 25, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    Hm…well, it’s good to know that pretty much everyone’s family can “drive them crazy” and push buttons and such.

    I, for one, don’t know where to draw the line. As in, is my family just “normal crazy”? Or is it somehow more than that? It feels like more – like something deeper and more amiss. If it felt like there were a free flow of live beneath the pushing buttons, it would be okay. But that isn’t what it felt like.

    I was tired and jet-lagged this morning. I did get upset at my mom in the car. But what I really did was express myself authentically. I even let myself cry for a bit, which was really actually nice crying, not sad crying, because I did it while I was telling MYSELF that I love me.

    I don’t think I have to put on a fake happy-face just for the sake of easing family dynamics. But, once I did let those uncomfortable feelings out, I was able to relax more into the situation and just be and have conversation.

    It still feels uncomfortable at times. But I have my grandparents’ house to go back to and stay at. I can’t stay at my mom’s house. But the gp

  32.  #32Tereana on December 25, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Oops – early post

    The GP’s is close by. That’s all. Lol

    And I’m feeling good. I had support from one of my CDs.

    I’m trying not to get too excited about stuff

    Right now I wish I could sleep, but I’m awake…

  33.  #33Indigo on December 25, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Daria, it’s hot here too ๐Ÿ™‚


    I have a theory that sometimes, or quite often, we love people *because* they trigger us in many and profound ways. I believe these people come into our lives as master teachers and healers.

    As to how you would make a relationship work? I think you can but I feel it takes two very evolved people and advanced relationship skills.

  34.  #34Daria on December 25, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Horny Daria!

  35.  #35MovingMagic on December 25, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    I agree Indigo, absolutely. Every man in my life has taught me so much about myself. From my father, brother, platonic friends, to the lovers I’ve had. My ex triggers me in so many ways, & makes me want to be a more patient person. Patience can be a challenge for me. I’ve been through alot, including the death of a man I loved very much. It took me years to get to this vulnerable place within myself. I love this vulnerability. Now I want to understand surrendering. Surrendering to myself, this moment, my triggers, my moments of passion, dance, my gifts, my journey, this man who never completely walks away.

  36.  #36Daria on December 25, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Scorpio CD is all late an shit what is he doing?

  37.  #37Butterfly Wings on December 25, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    28 Daria – Thanks. I do feel good, despite J poofing, and I will still feel good if he turns up and we “go there” again and he poofs again (he knows how to make a woman feel GOOOOD).

    And where I am in Australia, it’s cooler today thanks to the rain, but still hot!

  38.  #38Butterfly Wings on December 25, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    I think things are going to be a little hot and heavy with Mr Italian when he comes home later this week, especially once he shows me those arms of his… lol

    Ahhh I love having more than one man to focus on, although if one steps up, I know I’ll be inclined to push the others away.

    Not sure yet whether that’s a good thing or not… hmm…

  39.  #39Indigo on December 25, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Moving Magic

    That’s really wonderful. Amazing how people can come into our lives and get us to break our hearts wide open, and bring us to that place of vulnerability.

    Who is the guy who never completely walks away?

  40.  #40blue rose on December 25, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    merry christmas, sirens ๐Ÿ™‚

  41.  #41janie baby on December 25, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    I want to smoke a J and I have a foot fetish too ๐Ÿ™‚ I hate it when a guy is too prissy about my feet. What a turnoff!

  42.  #42GlowStix on December 25, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    The whole Universe is violent, and destructive. As is our galaxy, our solar system, our planet, our atmosphere. All things, all living organisms destroy and consume, to exist. Yet there is also beauty, light, love, and creation.ย Light and dark. Without destruction there is no creation, no life. Everything has a price…Yet dark lives within light. Perhaps destruction lives within creation. It is a pain we feel. It is a part of existance. Light begets dark. Creation begets destruction. Creation is not born of destruction.

    I do not even know what I mean. It feels right. Ooooo something to ponder.

  43.  #43GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 12:42 am

    I talked with the man about the blog…

    It felt rough because I felt sad about something else, and it also felt right to say. Not urgent feeling. Felt releasing and strangling too. hmmm I am affected destructively.

  44.  #44Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 12:43 am

    What did he say GlowStix? xx

  45.  #45GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 12:45 am

    I told him some about what that gets under my skin and festers. I feel bonds holding me back from un-tainted positivity. I desire to break the chains. I feel powerful enough to do this. Yes.

  46.  #46GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 12:46 am

    Not much about it…He said “I need to know more, I can’t give you an opinion not knowing what you mean.” and I said “I don’t want an opinion, I want to say how I feel about it…”.

  47.  #47GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 12:48 am

    I couldn’t have “discussed” it. I felt too frustrated…

  48.  #48Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 2:09 am

    Lol sometimes men take a while to “get it”… xxx

  49.  #49Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:54 am

    BW I would not throw caution to the wind.

    “I love having more than one man to focus on” – this statement is very telling and I would shift the focus back to me till someone promises something. Men can step up “in the moment” or for short term flings. I would take it slow till someone gets invested.

  50.  #50Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Oh it’s going slow alright. I’ve had one date in over a month, and not because Mr Italian hasn’t tried for more. I’ve actually kept him at a distance since our first date two weeks ago. So there’s definitely no rushing there!

    But now I’ve decided to let him in and see how it all goes. Go with the flow and enjoy it.

    Plus with J out of the picture (and I’m actually feeling quite ok about that), it takes the pressure right off.

    As a friend of mine said to me tonight, it’s about becoming attached to the experience, not the person. I like that! And I’m choosing to enjoy and learn from every experience from now on.

    Plus this friend has booked me for later next month for a date which will include a candlelit dinner. Nice!

  51.  #51Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Flirting with D (ex coworker) on FB chat right now. I like flirting with him because we have a bit of history together, and we kissed only 6 weeks ago… sigh….

    He’s REALLY good at showing affection. REALLY GOOD.

    So there’s Mr Italian, D and W in my life now, so that’s my three I guess! Although Mr Italian and D are my preferences. Although I think W will teach me lots. ๐Ÿ™‚

  52.  #52Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I had a lovely Christmas “Holiday” and I hope each of you did as well. My sons were wonderful to each other and to me – I feel blessed.

    I did not hear from GM and I did not contact him either. I have known in my heart for a couple of weeks that something was “off” between us and whatever it is, I’m not going to be the one to try to fix it or pretend it isn’t there. I’m so incredibly sad, but if we are meant to be together he will come for me and if we are not, then I have to be this sad in order to ever start healing properly.

    I wonder how long it will take for me to go an entire day without thinking of him? Right now I can’t even imagine it. Our relationship has been over for more than a year, but i kept it on life support – being his “friend” all this time and all it did was prolong the pain of losing him for me. I could have been half way over him by now instead of just starting. I told him I did not think we could be just friends and I should have stuck to that and stayed away from him when he told me he was not ready for a relationship. Lesson learned, I hope. I keep losing him in my mind all over again every time something like this happens, but in reality, we lost each other a long time ago. It’s over. Wow . . .

  53.  #53Indigo on December 26, 2012 at 6:54 am


    I really felt along with you as I was reading your post. My wish for you is that you will not feel regret or beat yourself up but carry that beauty and love along with you moving forward, and that beautiful new things will start to hove into view.

  54.  #54Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 7:06 am


    Focus each day on what each other is doing right.

    โ€œI know that we tend to focus on each otherโ€™s flaws and we put a lot of energy into pinpointing what the other one is doing thatโ€™s wrong. I donโ€™t feel good about that, and I donโ€™t imagine it makes you feel good when I do it to you. How about we agree to work each day on pinpointing what the other does right?โ€

  55.  #55Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 7:12 am


    “Losing him” feels so sad. I know what you mean and my heart goes out for you. Yet I know there were joyful moments in that relationship where you felt at your best. I would try to focus on those moments with the knowlege that you still have the power in you to create them. No matter who you are with.

  56.  #56Tam on December 26, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Hi Ladies!!
    I had the most amazing Xmas, and hope you were ll ok too.
    No family at all…..yeah!! Just my good friends..lots of parties, lots of being adored and cherished and appreciated.
    Curly has really stepped up the game, he called me his gf in front of everybody (he had a phonecall and said very loudly ‘I will bring my gf too’), which got him some raised eyebrows from me…and a ‘so who is that then?’ and everybody laughing, and him saying something like ‘well I think I am looking at her!’.
    I was huffing and puffing a bit.
    But it was all in good humour…..
    He was pretty cute and tried very hard to make me have a lovely Christmas Day and it was very lovely, I got a totally cute present which is ‘me’ and not something soul-less shop bought. he actually got something old/antique from a flea market. Wow!!

    Urgh. I still don’t know about this age difference and he homes in on that now and says that he feels bad for me because it’s troubling him too but mostly he can see that it’s troubling me. Well, anyway!
    Ah, and he said ‘I could fall in love with you but of course that would take time’….oh I liked that in the land of instant relationship and bs and whatever else. Just a bit of cuddling and kissing and then I said I wanted to go to bed and he left.

    Anyhow, otherwise no news…no more CD’s. Well, my ex tried to get me to go out for Xmas day but I was already busy, I will see him maybe this week if he has time.

    Otherwise nothing new.
    Feeling happy and content and just lounging about today, happy to be by myself!!

    Now I will read back a bit!

  57.  #57Tam on December 26, 2012 at 7:18 am

    ((((Calypso)))) it will just happen one day….I feel sure about that.
    I don’t even think of MrP anymore much except of how unhappy I was that he was inconsistent, did not even say ‘happy birthday’ or ‘merry Christmas’….at one point I realised that this is so unacceptable for me that I don’t even want to meet him for a coffee anymore.
    He lost out.
    Maybe a guy will trun up out of the blue who will make you feel so special that you will just from one day to the next forget the whole episode.
    I know it sounds now like that could never happen, well it happened to me….just when I had kicked him out of my life for good someone stepped in to fill the space. In a much better, healthier and happier way.
    Jeez…I could never go back to that nightmare.

  58.  #58Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Thanks Indigo and FW. I have nothing but good memories of “us”. That’s the problem. I love everythign about the man – even his faults. I’d spend mylife with him or any portionof it he wanted. When I’m with him. I feel joy like I have never felt before inmy life, but I seem to be the only one reaching out to try to spend time together. He is so stubborn and he has chosen to be alone, so I will feel my sadness until it goes away one way or another. I wish I was not at work – I could really cry right now and it would feel good.

  59.  #59Tam on December 26, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Oh and Curly shed a tear yesterday..haha…was quite something to see an alpha man cry…I don’t even know why now, he was trying to tell me something about wanting to be with someone like me would turn his life around or something like that…
    Too right.
    About time someone realised how fabulous I am.
    Well the red neck guy did also but it freaked me out when he smeared his burger all over his face the other day….no can do!

  60.  #60Starla on December 26, 2012 at 8:03 am

    i had a family crisis of drama this weekend

    i don’t care

    i cried my eyes out as it was happening and then i put myself down for a nap and went on with my life when i woke up.

  61.  #61Starla on December 26, 2012 at 8:17 am

    and cuz of the drama that happened on friday, my grandma didn’t call me on sunday for my birthday, nor christmas day… so i called her up with a big smile and said “HEY! I didn’t hear from you on my birthday or today so just calling to make sure you’re alright…”

    my best friend really encouraged me to just lead with the idea that of course everything’s going to be okay… instead of seeming all afraid that everything’s ruined now. she’s a smart cookie:) i like the way pregnancy and motherhood has turned her into a more open-hearted person.

  62.  #62Starla on December 26, 2012 at 8:39 am

    lately i am having a hard time sticking to my rituals of meditation and exercise

    i intend to find information/support to help me with this today.

  63.  #63Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Starla – That’s the way to do it! Family is family – of course everything will be alright! Just smile your way through it when you can and have a cry and a nap when you need to!

    I have not been doing well with my excerice either – between my trip and then getting sick, I have let it go and started eating junk food too – yuck! I feel gross and that is NOT the goal – lol

  64.  #64Starla on December 26, 2012 at 8:46 am

    yeah calypso it was my bday on sunday so i’ve been eating a lot of “junk”

    nothing TERRIBLE, but still not what i like to put in my body.

  65.  #65Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Creating Your Happy Ever After, Starting Now

    So, if you have an experience with a man – even a 10-second encounter – I want you to honor that. I want you to investigate what went on during those 10 seconds and be curious about what happened, about the man, and about you. The way to break the old patterns of behavior is to try new ones.

    And then, yes, you’ve opened up a new door in the pathways of your life. You’ve opened up a place where you can choose between behaviors where there may never have been a choice before.

    Yes, you may be attracted to “bad boys,” you might go down some wrong roads, you may get stuck, you may go so far into great new things you scare yourself silly. But you can choose to not feel helpless before all that and just keep going to Circular Dating School. It’s a home study course, and you are the teacher, the manager, and the student


  66.  #66Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 8:50 am

    I wish I could hire someone to handle my financial issues for me – lol. I mean, that is probably not a great use of my money, but how awesome would it be if I had someone who could call all of my creditors for me and work out payment plans and deal with the stress of it in a business like fashion? I wish I could do that – I could totally do it at work – for business issues here – I’m not stressed out by any of that because it is not personal, but the thought of picking up the phone and calling a company who is paying that person to demand payments from me – yikes! I HATE the way that makes me feel. I just want to delegate that to someone and have them come back to me and say – here you go – follow this plan and all will be well ๐Ÿ™‚ Is there anyone out there like that, do you think? I don’t need debt consolidation – it’snot that big of a mess, but I have negative bank accounts and some delinquent pay-day loans. I opened a new account for my direct deposit to go into so that I can stop the madness of the payday loan cycle, but now I have to go back and get a plan for cleaning up the mess. I need help or I have to make myself do it. I don’t want to do it. My reward for doing it was going to be to let myself contact GM, but now I don’t even want to do that. I want to bury my head in the sand . . . think that would work?

  67.  #67Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 8:51 am

    I ate chocolate covered potato chips . . .

  68.  #68Starla on December 26, 2012 at 8:54 am


  69.  #69Starla on December 26, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I think I just need to go back to basics. Like asking myself, “what can I do to take care of myself right now?”

    i can finish this task at the office so i feel lighter and less burdened by it

  70.  #70Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Calypso, I really strongly feel you should come up with a different reward for getting your stuff in order. Ideas?

  71.  #71Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:04 am

    seriously though, now with cf back in touch and feeling optimistic, like we could have a great relationship, i’ve let all my self-care slide.

    i’ve a history of doing this and I intend to find a better way!

  72.  #72Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 9:04 am

    How about I get to call myself a functioning adult ??? – lol. I don’t know – I have such dread at the thought of doing it – it is really an issue. I need “help” lol.

  73.  #73Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:08 am

    haha ieven used the name ‘cf’ instead of qz… the crack fix association is ingrained in me. but it’s not just him — it’s any man i’ve felt good around… i intend to change this i intend to change this i intend to change this

  74.  #74Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:09 am

    calypso, if you’re working to get your financial house in order, the reward should be financial related in my opinion! something marvelous. my reward was 400 dollar cowgirl boots. ideas?

  75.  #75Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Calypso – Gay Hendricks talks about the wonder tool. Just keep wondering how you could make some more money. Ask yourself how you could make more money to get yourself out of the hole. Your unconscious mind might surprise you with a successful idea that create a miracle for you.

    It happened to me recently. I am not yet out of the hole but I set an intention to earn $1000 more each month for the coming year. A door opened up in December and I took a leap of faith that will increase my January payslip above $1000. I also start a new job by end of January that I just non-chalantly applied for and really didn’t want because it will be a lateral transfer. Though it holds a promise of an upgrade that could come sooner than later. Also of travel that I wanted to do this year but did not realize.

  76.  #76Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Yeah Starla I was kinda worried about what the cf could do to your mind and vibe. I know it affected me because everytime I read “cf” I could only think of one thing. It’s amazing how our subconscious mind and beliefs work

  77.  #77Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 9:14 am

  78.  #78Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:20 am

    at the time when i came up with the name cf, i thought it was just some cute thing. i didn’t realize at the time that it was actually a sign i needed to do work on myself big time. i actually believed at my core that my man was SUPPOSED to be like my drug who fixed my bad feelings in life.

    i still think it’s beautiful how amazing and out of this world we make each other feel just looking into each others eyes… it IS like a drug. but i need to be responsible for bringing myself back to earth in an instant, to take care of myself.

  79.  #79Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:25 am

    i don’t think i mentioned this but QZ said he hasn’t checked his email since he broke up with me. he said he would read them now, lol. he’ll probably be surprised to see none of my letters were me raging violently in text form.

  80.  #80Susan on December 26, 2012 at 9:33 am

    It feels like I am walking a tightrope and even though I’ve had good results from leaning back and not over-thinking everything, it doesn’t seem to be enough. Recently I got upset with a cancelled date and I feel embarrassed by my reaction.

    Maybe what I see as potential isn’t really there?

  81.  #81Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Oooohhhhh Starla! There is an amazing pair of boots that i have been wanting from Country Outfitter . . . that would feel amazing – to allow myself to purchase them – if I did everything that needs to be done to get my stuff in order – I never buy myself anything!

  82.  #82Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 9:47 am

    FW – that souns like a good idea – Wondering. Like a different way of going about the Law of Attraction, which I firmly believe in. I wonder how quickly I can clean up this mess so i can buy myself that pair of boots! LOL.

    Congrats to you on your success! I have been with my company for 23 years, so not likely to change jobs, but I could get a promotion, or I could get to stop paying Alimony, or my sons could start taking on some of their own bills and get that burden off of me. Or I could finally start doing some of my hobbies and sell my work – lots of things that ould happen if I think about it like that!

    2013 is going to be a wonderful year for me ๐Ÿ™‚

  83.  #83Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:49 am

    calypso, that’s great!

    start saving toward them now, along with everything else you do to get your financial house in order. even if it’s only a dollar a week. you might be surprised at how it attracts even more abundance into your life just by making the conscious choice to save slowly and without urgency for something you want:)

  84.  #84Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:49 am

    75 thank you fw for sharing that its very inspiring!!

  85.  #85Starla on December 26, 2012 at 9:54 am

    calypso, that makes me want to get a prenup. i don’t want to find myself paying alimony to an ex husband.

  86.  #86Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Calypso I know I would start wondering about how I could stop the alimony payments. I have thought that every since I read that you pay your ex. It just feels so wrong to me.

    I have been with the company over 20 years too and there is great potential for movement, promotions and growth. I have seriously started looking around this past year.

  87.  #87Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 9:56 am

    I now seriously believe “all my thoughts, plans and ideas lead me straight to success. I attract success and prosperity with all my ideas”.

  88.  #88Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Wow it’s so amazing Starla calypso and fw …. This is exactly what’s been on my mind … To start saving again no matter how small… And I needed this encouragement wow!!

  89.  #89Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 9:57 am

    I intend to be a RockStar in my life during 2013. I am voting for me

  90.  #90Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 9:58 am

    What we focus on grows

  91.  #91Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I feel impatient but at the same time Ive accomplished a lot this past year…

  92.  #92Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:01 am

    ๐Ÿ™‚ i love helping people save money and get in shape:)

  93.  #93Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I am working ont he Alimony thing – We are in court. It will just take a long time to decide because he is fighting it. next court date is feb 15th for mediation. We will see . . .

    I just get so confused about which bills to p[ay first. I owe more than I make and they all feel important.

    I woder how much I can get back on my taxes this year ๐Ÿ™‚

  94.  #94Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:05 am

    calypso, i wonder if you can call any of the companies you pay bills to every month and tell them you’re going through a rough patch financially and want to honor your bills, and are wondering if they could lower the minimum monthly payment to _________

  95.  #95Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

    i did this with all of my bills… power bill, student loan bill, credit card bill. they all lowered the min payment!

    cable company wouldn’t, and now i don’t have the internet lol…

  96.  #96Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

    i will not be baited or triggered. i am pure love

  97.  #97MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I’ve been listening to Tibetan singing bowls. It feels so amazing to let the sounds/frequencies travel through my body. I feel so much more relaxed, & like I’ve entered into a sacred space.

  98.  #98Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Movingmagic, I LOOOOVE singing bowls:)

  99.  #99Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 10:14 am

    90 fw I have heard you say this before and I think of it often. Thanks for the reminder.. I have my vision board and I will focus on that!

  100.  #100Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 10:19 am

    RE 95 I did this with Discover and they set up automatic withdrawals, dropped finance charges for a year. The monthly payments dropped and there were no increases the whole time.

  101.  #101Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Starla – what would you charge me to do all that for me? LOLOLOL . . . If you coud just see my face right now . . . I soooo do nto want to do any of that! I hate talkin on the phone 0 even tot he people I love – I sure do not want to get ont he phone with people I owe money to!

  102.  #102Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:21 am

    hey hey here’s an article i just found about the things we know we ought to do for our lives but don’t get around to doing


  103.  #103Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:22 am

    calypso, just do 1 a day. start with the least intimidating company you owe money to. then build up to the big fish you don’t feel like frying…

    you will gain confidence along the way! you can do it!

  104.  #104Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I looking forward to a day to myself today… Nails and hair are first on the list!! Then maybe buy some boots and work shoes that I really need!

  105.  #105Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:27 am

    ooh emerson, nails and shoe shopping sound lovely:)

  106.  #106Smile on December 26, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Hi sirens, I’m in need of some advice…
    How have any of you turned down a date? Without pushing them away. I’ve said I’m busy until after Xmas. But now it’s after Xmas… I have already said I dont want to drive but it’s still an hour now rather than 2 and a half hrs. I still dint want to go that far. Thing is, Im not feeling sure about meeting with him even if it was in my town. How have you said thanks but no thanks?

  107.  #107Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Starla – Thanks for the article. It made me laugh at myself. i agree with it 100% – I am very afraid. I just took the stackof mail out of my car and brought it into my ofice – i looked at all of the envelopes and then shoved them under a file folder – LOL. I won’t even open them! Like they are going to bite my fingers if i do.

    If I decide to deal with them or to even call one creditor, i will have to shut my door. I can’t be that scared little girl in front of the people who work for me and think of me as always being in control – If they only knew . . . ugh . . . I feel like a squeeky little mouse running and looking for a hole to run into.

  108.  #108MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Starla, I love them too!! I’ve been thinking about how different sounds/notes/frequencies resonate with people & their nervous systems. I work with special needs children & it’s amazing to watch them react, & sometimes calm with sounds. Many of them love the bowls too. ๐Ÿ™‚

  109.  #109Smile on December 26, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Saving up… My bank round up to the nearest pound and save it in a separate account for me. Say I spend 4.50 they put the remaining 50p away. I have a small little fortune in there now after a fewyears of not touching it. It’s I suppose like putting your small change in a jar.

  110.  #110Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 10:34 am


    I enjoyed a spot of Christmas sales shopping today.

    I bought 2 dresses, a necklace, cook books for all different types of food, leather bag, a belt, a jumper..


    I feel relaxed and toastie..

  111.  #111Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

    smile, i usually just don’t answer them lol

    i’m sure there’s a better way, though.

    if we’ve already gone out, i do tell them no thanks. but if we haven’t met… i just ignore them when they ask me out.

  112.  #112Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:35 am

    calypso, that’s what doors are for! ๐Ÿ˜€

  113.  #113MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I’m hoping to get in for a full body massage this week. Bikram this evening, & friends later tonight. How’s that for taking care of myself? ๐Ÿ˜‰

  114.  #114Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:36 am

    movingmagic, after studying phonology for my degree, i’ve concluded that sound is one of the most healing/creative forces in our physical world, and i intend to dedicate a lifetime to exploring this:)

  115.  #115Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Smile – I have said many times to guys online that i really appreciate the offer, but I don’t think we are a match. I think they appreciate the honesty and I have not had one man ask me to explain further.

    I recently had a guy 2 hours away ask me if I thought it was too far and i said, “Honestly, I don’t think we would be a great match if we lived next door” . . . lol that might have been a bit harsh, but he seemed to take it well.

  116.  #116GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 10:38 am


    I felt so terrified to take control of my finances…I felt just like you. I did NOT want to do it. As a result it spiraled further and further down.

    One day I literally said “eff this” and just DID it.

    Because of the nature of my debt (it was to the government) I hadn’t done my taxes in 5 years. They seemed the easiest way to start, so I took the first step. Once I took the first step…There was no going back. It only took about 6 months (my debt wasn’t HUGE) and I am debt free!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Woot! AND I have been doing positive visualizations of money coming to me and sticking to me, and saying “thank you” for any money I receive…

    I found my latest check for nearly 2 thousand on my bed at home on Christmas day ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you tax and climate credits!

  117.  #117Smile on December 26, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Thanks Starla, we’ve been out 4 times. He turned me off ‘over’ texting like 7 times in a row. I told him I felt suffocated.

    I guess I’ll acknowledge him, and just say thanks but that still feels a bit too far for me to drive. Thank you anyway.

  118.  #118Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:40 am

    oooh i just want good things for myself:)

  119.  #119Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Loving the Convo on the blog right now!

    Fw and calypso and Starla
    I am on a consumer credit counseling debt management plan where they contacted my creditors for me. I got pretty good deals with all of them by doing this. CCC charges me $10 a month so I only make one payment. Also, they had a setup fee of like $65 but I told them I can’t pay it so they waived it!
    My payments are manageable but I can’t wait to be done and paid off-3 years to go!

  120.  #120Smile on December 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Calypso, yes, honesty is best I agree. We’ve kissed a few times, but I feel like I’ve let it go on for too long.

  121.  #121Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:41 am

    ah yes, the over-texting. always gets me. unless, of course, it’s someone i realllly like. then i’m like ‘oh goodie!’

    haha silly. love to me.

  122.  #122Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:44 am

    i am so excited that my job just restored my pay to the tune of 400+ extra dollars a month. my new savings goal is to have 7500 saved up before the end of next year. i can do this! i did it last year before the pay cut! aaaaand now that money’s all gone, lol.

  123.  #123GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Sorry…I kind of stopped scrolling at the finances post so I don’t know where the current convo is at ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I also received notice a few weeks ago that the garnishee of my paycheck had been finally removed and that felt A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!

  124.  #124Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I am proud of us as women taking charge of this financial stuff!
    I remember a saying I heard once:
    failing to plan is planning to fail!

    I intend to plan my financial future even with this economic uncertainty and high taxes, there’s always a way ๐Ÿ™‚

  125.  #125Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 10:50 am

    One of my biggest problems is that I always spread myself too thin. I pay as many bills as possible and then i barely have money for food and gas until next pay period and then if something goes wrong, i have to find a way to borrow and i am the dang Queen of borrowing money online – I mean – i can get a $1000 loan in my bank account in 10 minutes if i want – which seems amazing when you need it, but then . . . you have to pay it back plus a bazillion % interest!

  126.  #126Starla on December 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

    glowstix, omg that is amazing! i had to sue to get a wrongful garnishment off my back. they cleaned out my checking, savings, and 25% of my paycheck

    it’s been a bumpy ride!

  127.  #127GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 10:53 am


    Right on Emerson!

    I now fully believe that the only thing holding me down under that heavy burden was my own fear, and procrastination.

    I read a quote myself that said something like: Things feel far bigger than they are, when you are continually putting them off.

  128.  #128MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I whole heartedly agree Starla. As a dancer I feel sound in my very core.

  129.  #129GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 11:02 am


    They were taking 30% of my pay, but luckily they did not touch my bank account. I believe they did not for a reason. Because it WAS wrongful. I have never made a big enough salary to owe the money in the first place. That’s why my taxes ended up being the most important thing, in the end. CRA (our version of IRS) left me alone for those five years because they knew they actually owed me money (nearly 5 grand when all was said and done), and not the other way around. MSP (medical service plan), however came after me like sharks.

    Anyway, once I dealt with them, dealing with my credit debt felt like running through a pretty meadow lol


    I feel sure that no matter how tough the road is, it won’t be as tough as putting it off, and feeling that tension and sense of “failure” that comes with letting it go and putting it off. That was my experience. It wasn’t going away, yet as long as I was pro-active, it wasn’t getting worse.

  130.  #130GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Debt is such a viscious cycle and they keep you down and under with high interest.

    They earn money, out of thin air, while we struggle to eat and get our a$$es to work.

  131.  #131Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Smile – “I have been noticing myself feeling cooled down now for a while. Plus I don’t want to drive that far. Sorry if I misled you”.

  132.  #132Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 11:11 am

    bloom-ing I miss your energy

  133.  #133Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:12 am

    I went with… Those feel thoughtful ideas for dates and I’m still feeling like dating far away won’t work for me right now. Sorry.

  134.  #134Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:14 am

    FW, thank you, just seen your post. I’m sure he will reply with a date that’s not as far so I can say I’ve noticed feeling cooled down for a while now.
    Actually… I feel disappointed when he texts me ๐Ÿ™

  135.  #135Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 11:16 am

    My goal is to have something baby pink and baby blue to wear… Like a soft winter snow bunny… Even if its just a soft scarf or hat ๐Ÿ™‚ I am gonna keep my eyes peeled!

  136.  #136Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Baby blue feels so soft and soothing

  137.  #137Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Smile – That’s why i usually just get out with it – “I’m soory, but I’mnot feeling like we are a good match. I wish you all the best” or something like that. As soon as you make it about anything other than that (like distance), they can find a way around it.

    How about i take care of all of your CD’s that you don’t want to date – I’ll let them know for you, and in exchange, you can let my bill collectors know that i really care about them . . . but can’t pay right now – lol

  138.  #138Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 11:20 am

    I am going to be like a soft yummy piece of candy when I see mr blueCD… He is going to want to eat me up mwuahahah!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ˜‰

  139.  #139GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Los Vegas, and Toronto (To meet the rest of G’s family) are my rewards. Every penny of the latest check is earmarked for flights, hotels and spending money ๐Ÿ™‚

  140.  #140Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:29 am

    Calypso, aw I feel much lighter now reading your message! I’m quite good with money so would be happy to make that swap!

    As you said he has found a way round the distance… But I still don’t want to go. Thing is he seems a nice guy so I dint want to push him away but there are a few things that make me feel yuck even though we’ve kissed and it felt ish ok until I thought… When will this end!!! Lol. I don’t like his hands, I feel tensed up when he reaches for me.

    I just replied I feel unsure right now.

    Also I’ve been on some amazing dates where the guys feel so much more manly and treat me all feminine. Ambulance cd even paid fir my taxi home!

  141.  #141Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 11:30 am

    I love my vision board! I’m going to add to it. I intend to have a house not just a condo or apt. I intend to OWN a house!

  142.  #142Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Emerson, this is my number 1 vision at the minute! I want a garden and a Moroccan influenced bathroom… In a house!!!

    I’m imagining my bank account overflowing with money right now. I’ve been doing it for the past couple of months… And it’s working!!!

  143.  #143Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 11:36 am

    I am listening to old 80s music and its amusing and comforting going back to a younger me !! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’ve learned how much I love being by myself and I really need my alone time. I really need more than I realized.. It’s kinda funny. I realize this now that I live with other people in this house and also as my schedule has become busier and more hectic… I actually love my commute time being alone with my talk radio and 80s music lolll

  144.  #144Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Aw, he apologised if he’s done something wrong. I said he hadn’t, it’s just how I feel.

  145.  #145Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Smile I love this visual … A Moroccan influenced bathroom immediately made me go mmmmm nice… And I imagined dark beautiful tiles mixes with artistic design and live greenery in there too…
    I like your bank account visual too …. I intend to imitate you on that one !!

  146.  #146Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 11:41 am

    144 aww smile I feel soft toward this cd who is trying so hard to get next to you. ! But good for you being true to yourself!!

  147.  #147Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Emerson…add to that visual a lovely copper lined sink!

  148.  #148Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Emerson, 146,yes this is why I want to be gentle in my response but not close it off. Attraction can grow right… But I don’t want toforce myself when I’m unsure.
    I feel a bit guilty.

  149.  #149Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 11:47 am

    This is the first Christmas that I did not spend more than I had on gifts for my sons. I bought a couple of gifts for the family – a coffee maker, a blender and a cordless drill and then I bought a bunch of silly gifts and we played dirty santa. we even got a really small live tree and the boys named it “Harold”. We had so much fun – it was the best Christmas we have had in YEARS! I’m going to call that a huge win toward my goal of getting my finances in order – i did not go into debt for Christmas!

  150.  #150Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 11:52 am

    I doing the “Meet Me” feature on POF. I never click “Yes”, but all the guys I click “Maybe” usually view my profile and some email me. It’s like putting good karma out in the dating universe. I just got an email from a real cute guy – he lives 3 hours from me, so phooey on that, but still . . . cute guy is checking me out and wanting to communicate. My sore heart will take it today. I could use a hug.

  151.  #151Smile on December 26, 2012 at 11:58 am


  152.  #152Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    My next cd message I need advice on please…

    Ambulance cd has been chasing me for a few weeks now. Taking me on lovely dates, texting everyday etc. We went out on Xmas eve and last spoke yesterday eve.

    I said I’d check which day I could do to see him out of 2 choices.

    Should I just wait for him to ask again? I want to text him now I can confirm I am free so I can firm up the plans…

  153.  #153Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Smile – I would wait for his next communication to you before letting him know which day works best for meeting up – not just text him out of the blue with it.

  154.  #154Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Thanks for the hug ๐Ÿ™‚

  155.  #155Tam on December 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Smile, you are doing well, if I was you, I would be the same..this one with all his texting and the long distance, maybe he will make space for another better CD ๐Ÿ™‚

  156.  #156Tam on December 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Just spoke o my dad. He asked me how my love life was, which he never asks me.
    I tell you how to make your father have a heart attack. Tell him at Xmas, or boxing day, that you are dating someone who is older than him.
    I don’t think he is going to ask the question ‘are you seeing someone’ ever again.
    I feel amused.
    Poor father.
    He just said HOW OLD????
    And then: OMG
    And then: silence.
    Then: well, just be careful.
    Too funny. If he only knew how careful I am..ho ho ho.

  157.  #157Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Calypso thanks, yes, I know he is busy at work too so wouldn’t want to text out of the blue. I shall sit in my hands!!!! Breaking patterns here!

  158.  #158Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Tam, aw I feel guilty ๐Ÿ™ he just texted saying guess I don’t know what your looking for… Well you have my number anyway.
    Thing is, I’m weary of the whole attraction thing with the other guys. Half of me is unsure now…
    He did feel like he would have cherished me… But… I had those turn off moments. Also the distance is a big thing for me. Even those he’s willing to travel for me.
    Urg I feel awful ๐Ÿ™

  159.  #159Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Tam, I don’t see an ‘old man’ in curly… Just saying lol!

    Ha, I’m imagining how my dad would react to that! ho ho ho ๎•

  160.  #160MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    When I was 22 years old I was in a relationship with a man who was diagnosed with leukem, & I was his main caregiver. It was a life changing experience. I find myself going into that role, & giving up so much of myself in my current relationships. It felt necessary then, but it no longer serves me. In fact it exhausts me. I’m making it my intention to stop this. I’m filling up a symbolic, glittery handbag with tools to use when I start going into that mode.

  161.  #161MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    When I was 22 years old I was in a relationship with a man who was diagnosed with leukem, & I was his main caregiver. It was a life changing experience. I find myself going into that role, & giving up so much of myself in my current relationships. It felt necessary then, but it no longer serves me. In fact it exhausts me. I’m making it my focus to stop this. I’m filling up a symbolic, glittery handbag with tools to use when I start going into that mode.

  162.  #162Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    I’m scared of leading him on when actually he could just be what I’m looking for…

  163.  #163Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Grrr I want attraction but when there is attraction I feel cautious…

  164.  #164Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Smile – i know it’s hard, but it is not your place to feel guilty for his feelings. You were not unkind. You told the truth and kept him from being strung along. Just breathe and move on. I think you have to trust the attraction signals. If you were wishing his kisses would hurry up and end and if you were cringing inside when he reached for you . . . yikes – seeing him again would not serve either of you.

  165.  #165MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    *Leukemia. Ahhh smart phones aren’t so smart. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  166.  #166Starla on December 26, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    honestly i would text to say thank you for the nice invitation, as requested i investigated my schedule and discovered that xday is free to accept your nice invitation……..

    i think we hurt ourselves more than we help ourselves not doing basic things like getting back to a man

    i do see the value in waiting for him to come back to you yet again to make the plans, but i’m sure i’m not the only one who sees this as just a wee bit frivolous. more like hard to get than degree of difficulty.

  167.  #167Starla on December 26, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    i would wait until i wasn’t busy at work though. like when i get home from work:)

    we gotta stop driving ourselves crazy with the ‘should i text?’ stuff ESPECIALLY when the man has requested information from us. i think the best way to do this is to just be careful not to do it when you should be tending to other business. then it has much more of a leaning forward feel.

  168.  #168Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Thanks Starla, I Know what your saying… Actually I’ve played the conversation over and he said no need to rush back to me, even if it’s on the day just let me know and say hey…Wana get that brunch. So I guess he is expecting me to text…

    So the wanting to firm plans is for me so I know what I’m doing, now I recall I actually told him I wouldprefer to firm up the plans before the day.

    I feel like I need to relax a bit. I’m over worrying about nothing.

  169.  #169Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Calypso, yes, I didn’t enjoy those feelings ๐Ÿ™
    He was my first date! The first guy I’ve had to communicate this too. I’m sure there will be plenty more!

  170.  #170Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    I’m relaxing on the sofa now. My family has all gone home.
    He’s at work on a night shift.

  171.  #171Starla on December 26, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    i really hope rori expands her program a bit to account for the damage we do to our vibes by inadvertently leaning forward with our energy when we are worrying excessively about leaning back/forward.

    i like the use of the rockstar concept but this is one other extreme.

    i was so obsessed with not being in masculine energy, with not leaning forward… that i ended up overfunctioning in this obsession and damaging the relationship. i was the self appointed vanguard of masculine and feminine, and i hurt both myself and my men in the process. it honestly would have been better for me to just freakin lean forward than to lean back out of fear of screwing everything up by not being feminine enough.

    ((((((my vibe))))))))))
    poor vibe

  172.  #172Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Smile – It gets easier.

  173.  #173Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    In other news… Urg I checked, I know but I haven’t thought about him in ages! Strummingmans relationship status has been removed…? I part expected him to say happy Xmas. I’m feeling glad he didn’t reach forward and open up any communication.

  174.  #174Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Starla it’s all a learning process and a journey… Be gentle with yourself … The choices you made seemed right at the time so go with that…not wrong or right…

    I do know what you mean though.. I am at times so hyper-aware and micromanaging myself regarding masculine/feminine energy…

    Getting the balance right…

  175.  #175Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    Starla, actually strummingmans reason for not pursuing me was that I never made an effort and he thought I’d moved on… Yes I leant way back but I didn’t want to pick up the oars but I see that actually when your in a relationship it’s different… Hmm. I still think about that.

    I’ve totally shown this guy I’m interested though by melting all over him.

    My friends brother had separated a fewyears ago and started to date again. The other night when a girl texed him he was over the moon and did a little dance saying … Ooo she likes me!

  176.  #176Smile on December 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Thanks calypso

  177.  #177Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Every time I go on FB i look over at GM’s name in my side bar with narrowed eyes, looking suspiciously to see if he is online . . . like I’m going to jump through my screen and rip his heart out for still being alive and not wishing me a Merry Christmas! Lol. Not real healthy, but at least I can laugh about it.

  178.  #178Starla on December 26, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    emerson, aw that is sweet:) don’t worry, i am going to be gentle with myself

    and with my men for not ‘getting’ how to be masculine.

    i’ve said this before but judging a man in anyway as not masculine enough is actually EXTREMELY masculine of a thing for a woman to do…

    this is where being meticulous about leaning back can turn against us!

  179.  #179Starla on December 26, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    calypso, what about taking him off your chat list so it’s never ever an issue again? he can still message you as though you were offline, you just can’t see when each other are available for chats.

  180.  #180Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Starla – That’s probably a good idea for someday . . . lol.

  181.  #181Starla on December 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    or right now:P

  182.  #182Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    u made me giggle . . . but u can’t make me delete him from Chat . . .

  183.  #183Starla on December 26, 2012 at 1:24 pm


  184.  #184Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    As previously discussed, Knowing it needs to be done and Doing it are two completely different things!

  185.  #185GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm


    On overfunctioning existing within our focus on following advice…

    Yeah. Lately I find following some advice messes me up more than it helps me. I end up hyper-focused, creating issues in my head where there are none.

    I feel much better off just relaxing, and doing it my very own way. I pretty much rock…So, you know… ๐Ÿ˜€

    I find my best mantra is “I am precious, and adored.” I think of it as, by the Universe. It’s all I really need to know. I can shine coming from that place.

  186.  #186Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    52 (((Calypso))) – Yep, the sooner we let them go, the sooner we can start to heal.

  187.  #187Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    52 (((Calypso))) – Yep, the sooner we let them go, the sooner we can start to heal.

  188.  #188Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    52 (((Calypso))) – Yep, the sooner we let them go, the sooner we can start to heal.

  189.  #189Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    And I just about bit through my lip just now – GM is ONLINE.

  190.  #190Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    62 Starla – I’m the same with the exercise too. Might add that to my list of new year’s resolutions..! ๐Ÿ™‚

  191.  #191Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I am NOT going to sit here at stare at that dang green light until it goes out – it takes my happy with it when it goes ๐Ÿ™

  192.  #192Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    65 FW – Oooo thanks for posting that! I like the bit about honoring even a 10 second encounter! ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

  193.  #193Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Butterfly Wings – LOL thanks for telling me 3 times – maybe it will sink in eventually ๐Ÿ˜‰

  194.  #194GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Calypso 184

    I hear that…

    And good for you for not breaking your bank over Christmas! Christmas is about what you just described there, anyways. Not material things.

    I had a lovely Christmas, with loads of gifts. A delicious and beautiful dinner with mom and dad…

    Yet, my aunt was sick and so the family was separate this year. There was a thread of sadness, missing people and voices. The most important part has always been all of us, together.

  195.  #195Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Glowstix – We baked cookies Christmas eve and decorated them and yesterday i cooked a huge meal and my mom was there with us – I checked her out of the nursing home and we let all the dogs and cats inside while there was still wrapping paper all over the floor and we laughed like hyienas over eveything and i posted pictures of us all being silly on FB – it was perfect. My only dim light was not hearing from GM, which was in my mind all day – every single time i got a text, i felt disappointed that it wasn’t him. I carried it around with me even during the most fun and heart warming moments of the holiday.

  196.  #196Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I was told something interesting by a guy last night. He uses a “three strike” rule.

    If he asks a girl out and she is flakey and doesn’t exactly say yes, or keeps putting it off, after the third time he gives up and moves on.

    I wonder how many other guys do that?

  197.  #197Smile on December 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    He texed saying that would be awesome, he said it was mad busy at work tonight but would speak tomorrow.

    I replied, no worries ๎• I knew he was at work and didn’t expect a response. I just guessed he’d pick the message up when he was free. And I hope it calmed down a bit for him at work.

  198.  #198Tam on December 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Smile, I have learnt to trust my feelings..meaning if something turns me off about a guy, I let him go.
    And I don’t mean little things…but seems to me that this CD was not right for you. Trust your feelings.
    There will be better ones…I have done this for a long while and I don’t shed a tear after someone who isn’t 100% right/fun/comfortable to be with. No matter if he might cherish me. Red neck with burger smeared all over his face would cherish me too. But: Life is too short!!

    Oh, so you don’t see an ‘old man’ in Curly? I guess you have seen the pics on fb? Hm. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Maybe he just has to position himself in the right light. Ha!!

  199.  #199Starla on December 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    here’s one about doing things you don’t wanna do… it’s like a Rori tool almost!

  200.  #200Starla on December 26, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    oops, here’s the link http://zenhabits.net/poof/

  201.  #201Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Cute guy on POF is still emailing back and forth, but somehow i’m leading the conversation now – I hate when that happens! I am stopping. If he wants to keep chatting, he needs to say something else. I am not the guy, I am not the guy, I am not the guy! geez Calypso – give the man a chance to lead!!!

  202.  #202Smile on December 26, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Thanks Tam, your words feel reassuring. I get to choose right! I choose feeling good around my dates! All good practise!
    Yeh I was surprised, I expected him to look older? Greyer? Less hair… Lol. His Xmas gift is beautiful ๎•

  203.  #203Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Starla – another nice link – ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks! I did get a gift certificate for a one hour massage for Christmas. I need to go do that ASAP. I am VERY tight all over – tot he point of hurting!

    I wonder if I have my goals backwards?

    They are:

    1. Financial Stability
    2. Improved fitness
    3. Improved emotional state (I replaced my original 3rd goal which was to re-kindle my relationship with GM)

    Maybe I need to revers this and put my improved emotional state at the top – if i could focus on that, #1 and 32 would probably come much more easily. Hmmmmm . . . . I might have just had a breakthough!


  204.  #204Calypso on December 26, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    #2, not 32 – Lol

  205.  #205Tam on December 26, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    202..haha Smile, yes, he has lots of hair. And his own teeth. Otherwise I wouldn’t even go there…give me some credit – lol.

    Yes, exactly. You get to choose. That makes it all so easy. We get to choose and if we don’t like something, why spend our precious time on it? As I get older I find this makes a lot of sense and my gut feeling usually tells me. And you!

  206.  #206Tam on December 26, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Another thing I feel really happy about is that MrP has not stirred. Not even to say merry Xmas.
    It makes me feel very free and light.
    Here is someone who religiously contacts me several times a day for, well a month now, with no prompting or feeling message or analysing required. In fact, I am dead lazy, I do nothing and end up being totally courted, adored and treated like a queen.
    And here is Mr Complicated not even bothering to be civil and polite.
    Well, it is so cool. I have no regrets, no ‘what if’ thoughts or anything. Just ‘good riddance’ thoughts. YAY!!

  207.  #207Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    RE 166 – LIKE

  208.  #208Luzydel on December 26, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    I will be 39 in a few months (ouch!) I feel not wanted by men because of my age; when I was 22 I had so many admirers and had so much time for them; no kids, and only worked part time and was finishing college. I had so many suitors and I was less picky; it didn’t matter if the guy had a job, a car, or any intending of being serious.

    Now? well I hardly can keep a man interested unless it is for casual sex and once I say no, they don’t contact me anymore; men come already from broken relationships and they are jaded as well. I work a lot and have a son, so my time is limited to maybe weekends if I am not doing something first.

    Funny thin is that when I am out and about doing my things, I meet men, they don’t ask for my number, but some of them stay long talking to me, so I should consider these “DATES” in a way… Just don’t know if anything will become serious one day..

  209.  #209Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Glowstix, this is FABULOUS!

    “I find my best mantra is โ€œI am precious, and adored.โ€ I think of it as, by the Universe. Itโ€™s all I really need to know. I can shine coming from that place.”

    Yaaay!!! I’m gonna use this mantra too if u don’t mind?

  210.  #210Starla on December 26, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    as we get older, we have more and more relationship baggage. i intend to be a safe place where a man can feel safe enough to let go of that baggage and armor, instead of trying to find a man with no baggage. if a man at 30 has no baggage whatsoever, then his baggage is probably an extreme fear of accumulating baggage:P

  211.  #211Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    …. Weirdly I like being older. I “like” me more. I am my own peron with my own personality.

    I know who I am and I am more fussy about who I spend time with

    I like “interesting” people. I like people who I can learn stuff from.

    I’ve discovered the people who I really like are the people who have deep hobbies and interests.

    I’m happier talking to trainspotters than most men in nightclubs. I like to be able to have a “real” conversation – not sure if this makes sense!

  212.  #212Tam on December 26, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Ah, and here just another proof if we need any, how men when they adore you just behave differently and make you feel very secure.
    Curly had a very rough day today, something bad with one of his properties..I knew about it and kind of didn’t expect him to surface this afternoon.
    WELL, he called me as soon as it was done, sounded very down but still made the effort. And still found time to tell me how much fun he had last night and how he hasn’t felt so good in years…and that I am so different and even with his last girlfriend it was not so nice as I am a much warmer and more affectionate person…
    Ermmm…how bizarre. I did nothing, actually, I just tried to relax and let him kiss and touch me a little bit…hehe…and just enjoyed it.
    Interesting, eh?

  213.  #213Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I wish I’d been brave enough to be my own person in my twenties.

    I would be so much happier now…

    I was completely clueless with who I hung around with..

    I’m like the opposite now!

  214.  #214Tam on December 26, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    211, Rebecca – ditto!! Makes perfect sense to me ๐Ÿ™‚

  215.  #215Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    156 Tam – Oh that’s so funny! I have the opposite problem – all mine are really young! Argh!

  216.  #216Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    193 Calypso – Oops, I have NO idea how that happened! Just as long as it has sunk in! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  217.  #217Tam on December 26, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    215 Haha BW!!!! Mine got progresively older…first my age, then 40’s, then 51 and then a big jump to 61.
    That’s more than enough years for me now.

  218.  #218Luzydel on December 26, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    I don’t want to depend on men for my emotional well being; I want to feel good if they leave or stay’ if I have 10 cd’s or 0.

    A FB friend just got engaged, she is much older than me and have adult children… it could happen.

    Besides I don’t mind that I have become more picky, I really do not want to spend time exploring men right now; I did that earlier in my life and now I want more quality than quantity.

  219.  #219Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    My problem is I meet tons of “intetesting” men all the time. The problem is I don’t “fancy” any of them. And the ones I do like always have girlfriends or are married..

    Oh well. I think I prefer friendships if I’m totally honest. You don’t have to give anything of yourself or run out of conversation or get bored…


    You can go out when u please, do what you please…

    Pfffttt…. I am far too comfortable being single…

    I really wish to change this !

  220.  #220Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    I’d be happy to try one out in his 40’s!! But nope. They’re either in their 20’s or 30’s. Argh!

  221.  #221Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Rebecca – My problem is I meet tons of โ€œintetestingโ€ men all the time. The problem is I donโ€™t โ€œfancyโ€ any of them. And the ones I do like always have girlfriends or are married..

    Can you read fear of intimacy here and maybe see a pattern that needs changing?

  222.  #222Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    I do practice on them though! The problem is they end up liking me!

    I want to care if a man texts me!

    I want to care if a man wants to see me!

    I don’t want to get bored too soon!!

    Please, please, please let me meet someone like this!

  223.  #223Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    FW – yes, i do see it’s a fear of intimacy. I let in the men who I am “not” attracted to.

    They can’t hurt me. They can’t leave me..

  224.  #224Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Luzydel would you be willing to read back your comments and maybe notice if you tend to start off with negatives? Just notice to see if you can develop a new pattern of starting off with positives? The comments also seem matter of fact, just sharing facts. Are you open to considering setting an intention to really connect so your mind feels directed to look for ways to do it? What do you think?

  225.  #225Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Rebecca I wonder if it is just that you naturally relax and just be yourself around them because you have nothing to lose anyway? If that is the case it would be great to notice what you are thinking and doing then. Then look at what you are thinking and doing around other guys so you can switch up consiously.

  226.  #226Luzydel on December 26, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    FW I am writing things as I feel them; even if they sound “negative” that is how I feel them at the moment so I write it. I do not want to repress a feeling just because it seems “negative” I want to let it out; so it stops growing inside me.

  227.  #227Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    What you focus on, you attract…

  228.  #228Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    FW – yes, you are absutely spot on. Weird huh?

  229.  #229Luzydel on December 26, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    I FB is so “happy” right now lol I hate it; really? do people really live such perfect lives? ok going back to my perfectly unperfect live…

  230.  #230Starla on December 26, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    luzydel i was thinkin the same thing! and then i did a flip and thought ohhh it feels so nice to log in and see everyone just talking about how much they love their lives and their friends and families.

    much better than some of the statuses i’m used to seeing like:
    “love is pain.”
    “feel so lonely and misunderstood”
    “ugh i hate family dinners. no, aunt edna, i’m still not married!”


  231.  #231Starla on December 26, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    i reserve the right to be simultaneously annoyed and glad at it haha

    it used to be so much harder for me as an orphan. would set me off into tears.

    now i have family and i try not to be like that

  232.  #232Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I understand Luzydel. Most of us as humans have this automatic negative emotional override that we go to. I have come to believe and accept that as a woman when I choose another pattern I stand out as unique and special. I have noticed that when I experience women in my life and men who do that the experience with them ends up feeling refreshing like a breath of fresh air.

    I was just wondering if noticing this about yourself as maybe a pattern that could possibly shift that might help with your relationships with men on a long term basis. Thinking that putting your best self out there first might create new experiences for you. Rori’s recent email spoke about identifying patterns as a way of being able to change them. A way of rewiring our brains so we create new and different experiences for ourselves.

    Everytime I look at your gavatar I think of a beautiful young lady. Someone naturally magnetic and attractive. I wonder though what it would feel like to see the smile and feel like the smile is coming from every cell in your body. I wonder if you carried more of a light airy vibe what the experience around you would feel like. I truly find you intriguing and feel really drawn to your photo.

  233.  #233Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Going to get my toenails buffed, shaped and polished (French) tomorrow, in preparation for a night out tomorrow night and a possible date with Mr Italian the night after. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I’m at home alone today and this is the first time around this time of year that I’ve been alone in well over 10 years. Feels weird, and a bit lonely.

    But I also feel REALLY free, and I feel happy and excited about what the next year is going to bring! ๐Ÿ™‚


  234.  #234Luzydel on December 26, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Law of attraction is BS lol; I believe in genuinely feeling good inside, not focusing on external factors to “attract” things, because things will happen and wether I think they are bad or good; they were meant to happen.

    I really tried the LOA and then it got in my nerves; I do like some of Hicks sayings about feeling good from within attract like minded people. I am looking for balance and “LOA religion” isn’t for me.

    I like honesty and sometimes honesty seems “negative”

  235.  #235Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    There was a man I liked recently and he said he liked me, but he is an ex of a friend of mine and I felt really awkward.

    I really liked him though – more than just friendship – and that doesn’t happen often.

    But I think maybe I played it too cool because I haven’t heard from him and figure he’s forgotten me. And I felt myself tensing up around him. I felt too pressured like I was trying too hard. As soon as I knew he liked me I became horrendously self conscious!

    Pft…. He’s not worth worrying about – what is meant to be is meant to be! I would probably get bored of him anyway! Lol… Hehe

  236.  #236Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Awww and I just received a text from Mr Italian. He’s back in town tomorrow and says we’ll work out what we’re doing on the weekend.

    It took some convincing on his part to get my number. I really didn’t want to give it to him when we met. I was out and was feeling really down at the time, and I was also quite drunk!

    He insisted that I give him my number and give him a chance to prove to me that he really was a good guy… so I eventually gave in.

    One of my new year’s resolutions is to be open to new experiences and to see the positives in each. And I’m aiming for one new experience every week! So this guy might be the start of it! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  237.  #237Luzydel on December 26, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    I got ya FW and thanks ๐Ÿ™‚ just been feeling angry at something and I am processing this by writing all that comes out of me; mind and heart. I am feeling so angry; something is triggering me and I don’t know wht it is.

  238.  #238Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Luzydel ask yourself “why am I angry”?

    Keep asking while focussing your attention on your heart space. I believe your intuition/higher self will eventually respond. The holidays can be hard at times for some of us.

  239.  #239Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Iโ€™m aiming for one new experience every week!

    oooohhhh feels so exciting. Way to go BW. You will create this for yourself. I have faith, believing you will

  240.  #240Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    … I also felt that he’s attempts to chat me up were really half hearted and I felt that he was just being “friendly” rather than looking for anything serious. I didn’t want to get used and hurt. He didn’t seem to be wanting to try so hard to get me..:(

  241.  #241MovingMagic on December 26, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    I went to a psychic today. I’ve been having alot of intuitive dreams lately. She told me I’m on the right path with all of my spiritual practices, & that I need to reclaim my feminine self. She was so spot on. It’s been a refocusing of min for a while. I’m inclined toward healing, saving little energy for myself. She said that I should look into modeling…perhaps petites, & that she sees me on stage. I grew up doing all of that, & started to sway away as I grew older. She said that I don’t always recognize my own power…my mother & I were talking about this recently. I’m so up in the spiritual/creative realms I forget the physical. She reaffirmed what I’ve already been hearing, & feeling. Thank you for the reminder universe. ๐Ÿ™‚

  242.  #242Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    Luzydel interesting comment about LOA. Do you believe in energy and vibrations? I have been, well, feeling so good recently and feeling my body vibrating literally in a different way I believe it is the reason I got this new job. Even though I really didn’t want it, I ended up doing well in the interview. I even felt like the panel were transfixed by me. hehehe. I felt that I was in control of all the energy in the room that I steered/directed everything hypnotically. Creating magic. It was a kinda weird experience honestly. One of the most recent I felt confidently relaxed with a kinda knowing.

    Hope this makes sense.

  243.  #243Radlove on December 26, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    I am a super hero! LOL! ๐Ÿ™‚

  244.  #244Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    That’s okay Rebecca. As long as you are on your bridge you can allow men to flow in and out of your life unruffled. While you notice how they dance. Build your belief in your internal strength and yourself. He can’t hurt or use you without your permission or participation. Believe that you won’t throw yourself under a bus. Be like tinker bell. Flittering in and out as the star on the stage of your life. All these men are just supporting characters that you get to replace when they fail to play their roles well.

  245.  #245Luzydel on December 26, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    I am doing a solar return chart for 2013; and wow I have like 4 planets in 7th house… interesting; the solar return for 2012 was more about focusing at home and myself…

    And I am angry at “D” he is selfish/self centered and I know that is him; but I liked what I made of him more than the real him ๐Ÿ˜‰ I am angry at people! I am angry at myself for not giving the chance to the nerdy/emotionally healthy men I met a few times…

    Time to let go, there’s always next time I guess…

  246.  #246Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Luzydel I believe you have scratched the surface. I feel excited kinda waiting with baited breath to read more. To read you saying “I feel” rather than “I am”. Why? I believe it might do something to your psyche if you consistently choose to switch. ๐Ÿ™‚

  247.  #247Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    239 FW – Yup I’m trying to come up with ideas too. In case it’s not an experience that somebody else draws me towards.

    So I’m thinking of trying new things, maybe rock climbing, or abseiling off the cliffs near the city, or going for a run in the nearby forest, which I’ve not done before.

    The possibilities are endless!

    I’ve just got to find a way now to keep track – maybe a diary, so I can make sure I don’t miss any weeks. ๐Ÿ™‚

  248.  #248Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    243 Gooooo Radlove! ๐Ÿ˜€

  249.  #249Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    FW – ahhhh that’s beautiful. I am going to really try and remember this:

    “He canโ€™t hurt or use you without your permission or participation. Believe that you wonโ€™t throw yourself under a bus. Be like tinker bell. Flittering in and out as the star on the stage of your life. All these men are just supporting characters that you get to replace when they fail to play their roles well.”

    Woweee!!! Amazing way to centre me!!!


  250.  #250Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    It seems Mr Italian wants me all day Saturday… this could be fun! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  251.  #251janie baby on December 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    I’ve been on break down in southern california. and have been feeling better and better about my situation.
    I am going to make this year a better one and live in the moment more without over analyzing. I want to let go of my need for control because it doesn’t serve me. It makes me feel anxious.

    I wasn’t getting what I needed from my relationship and didn’t want to nag and yell so I just told him a week ago. “I love you, I’d want things to work out, but I’m not getting what I want, so when you start treating me the way I want I’ll commit but for now I just want to keep things open” I felt alot better since then. A bit sad at first when he didn’t protest right away. But this space is good because I want both of us to see if our relationship is something we actually want and without obligations or labels, we can explore what our hearts actually feel. Ever since then he’s been calling me more. And when he says oh I’ll call you tomorrow he makes damn well sure he does.
    I really enjoy this treatment but still don’t want to get caught up in it and see if it’s a long term thing or if he’s just doing it for now. I have more compassion for him. I realize he’s hurting too. I’m trying to do the RORI raye mantra “be surprised” Sunday I was upset because he hadn’t called and right after I posted he ended up calling but I fell asleep so I didn’t respond then…

    I feel good about the situation. I feel uncertain about what will happen when I come back to SF in a couple weeks. I feel worried I will jump back into something exclusive with him. I want to go slow and take my time.

    Today my girlfriends asked me what was going on with him and I explained some of this. I felt icky. They kept lecturing me how breaks don’t exist and how I need to cut him out completely because ti’s not gonna work. And I said well I feel fine. And they are like well you gave him the power to go hook up with someone else… and I said “I don’t see that as power. I don’t want to obligate someone. You can’t change feelings. He will decide if he wants to be with me or not regardless of labels” I felt really triggered. I didn’t ask for WHAT I NEED TO DO? And I find that when people give me advice on the blog I really appreciate it because it’s not so BLACK and white..

    I felt really triggered by our conversation and I wonder why. I felt like I was being judged for being “stupid” or pathetic but maybe that’s just myself judging. But everything I would say started to feel like an argument. I don’t want to argue for my choices. I was like when I’m done I will be done. but I feel best right now I’m approaching things.

    Does anyone else have this kind of experience with girl friends?
    Sometimes I’d rather not even brings things up because it confuses me when they tell me WHAT works and WHAT doesn’t….We are all 22 and 21 so I don’t see how any of us can have the ULTIMATE wisdom.

    I want to figure things out for myself and I want to be treated like a capable human who is able to. At the same time, I feel like I’m doubting myself now.


  252.  #252Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    aha moment – It just kinda lightbulbed inside me that when I say “I am”, I create a kinda permanent resonance inside me. Something almost final that can’t be changed. A state I have to stay accountable to and continue creating that state. Something I almost can’t get away from.

    With I feel, it feels changeable. Like something I have control over choosing to either hold on to or let go. Something in flux, not set in stone. Something I can move towards or move away from. Feels fluid, moving, free floating, liberating.

    Seems like something I need to explore more deeply.

  253.  #253janie baby on December 26, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    244 : I love this FW
    I need to learn how to build up my trust in myself.
    I find myself getting there but sometimes I doubt.

  254.  #254Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    BW I would not give him all day. Remember your degree of difficulty what has he done to earn that privilege? He should be left wanting more. Let him know you are expensive and that he is privileged to have some of your time. All day? emmmm____I think not.

  255.  #255Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    BW for me it could be as simple as driving through a new neighborhood or eating in a new restaurant. Maybe even going outside and using my fingers to play in a puddle of mud. Silly me ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  256.  #256Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    … The problem is I don’t feel good enough and I don’t feel worthy. Don’t ask me why I just don’t..

    This is what I need to work on. I need to work on this stupid inner voice of mine…

    Yada, yada, yada…

  257.  #257Rebecca on December 26, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    … I need to flip it to I am worthy. I am good enough..

    Yeah baby ๐Ÿ™‚

  258.  #258Tam on December 26, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    So how do we navigate when things are moving towards the physical side and when we want to say that we only want sex in a committed relationship.

    After the man has offered a committed relationship or even just assumed it, we want to make it clear, however, that we are not ready for a committed relationship just yet….
    How would you express that without evoking feelings of rejection?

  259.  #259Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Do remember who had written this. Maybe Mel or Rori?

    Oh I feel so flattered…and I feel flushed and excited and I certainly feel attracted. Oh my………I also feel a bit of mild panic. And I don’t want to feel panicy about sex. I want to feel free and open and relaxed and I feel that I can only do that in a committed relationship. So I feel my heart needs a bit more time to feel safe and trusting.

  260.  #260Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    RE 259 Do “not” remember

  261.  #261Tam on December 26, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Ah FW, that’s nice! Thank you.

  262.  #262Radlove on December 26, 2012 at 5:07 pm


    252 – That felt really solid to read. Now just add “a superhero” to “I am…” and there you’ll have it, LOL! Just kidding!

  263.  #263Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Every time you pass a mirror, stop and give yourself a big smile. Focus only on the parts you do like if only a little. Ignore the rest for now, for truthfully others do not see you in bits anyway. What people see is you as a whole package, mind and spirit included.

    Tell yourself you are beautiful, that you love yourself. You will come to believe yourself about this too. Make a list of all your wants. Write them as choices, as if they already are a reality, in feeling terms, eg. I choose to feel sexy, and I love feeling sexy, I choose to feel calm when my mother or whomever nags at me, and I love feeling calm. I choose to be well read, and I love to talk about what Iโ€™ve learned, and so on. If you can imagine it, you can create it.


  264.  #264Memulo on December 26, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Happy belate birthday Starla!!!!!!

  265.  #265Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    254 FW – He’s not getting me all day. I’m going out the night before, so probably won’t surface till lunch time anyway. He’s coming up with a list of things to do and while this feels good and right, I’m just going to go with it for now and see how it plays out.

    And yay for the mud idea! Kind of reminds me of what I just did – I chopped down a tree in my back yard with a hacksaw! That was a first, and I feel like I accomplished something! ๐Ÿ˜€

  266.  #266Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    263 FW – LIKE!

  267.  #267Sassy on December 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Ok Radlove, let us in on why you are a superhero???!!!

    How is your new biz progressing?

    Where are Ruth and Lizka??

  268.  #268Memulo on December 26, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    I was away from the blog for a while. Needed time for myself. Things were not good. I never saw smartcd again after I left the blog. He texted me that we will get together for the next holiday that was due in 2 days, asked how I liked our last date. I replied, things seem good. I called the next day about something casual, didn’t leave a VM and just texted that I called. I never heard back. let me say it again. I NEVER HEARD BACK. It’s been 3 months. Can’t say there were easy for me. I went from anger and rage to love then to despair and over and over again thru the cycle. One thing I am happy about – or should I not be? – I never contacted him again. One call was it.

    Going back in my memories that I didn’t even pay attention to at the time I remembered him mentioning his friend that never goes out with women his age, several comments about us being ‘the same age’ (I am 7 years younger) and I think the fact that I complained about my financial problems was just the last drop. Funny enough, I resolved all my problems, I am moving to a new place tomorrow morning.
    One more thing – I have no one else to blame but myself – but I regret that I was loosing my unique witty sharp self in the attempts to produce feeling messages and shut myself down. NEVER AGAIN. Also never again ‘understanding their situation’ and coming up with excuses, never again accepting that they ‘don’t have to spend every weekend with me’ if we are intimate, etc. it doesn’t work for me anymore. It’s either my way or no way. I’ve been going out again – the moment something was not my acceptable way – I told them. No matter how many times I saw them (or didn’t see them yet) – if I felt a threat to my boundaries – they heard it right away. I DON”T CARE what they think or what their circumstances are.. I only care how it makes me feel. My well being is my first priority, what can I say.

    About 1.5 months ago I met a guy who started pursuing me very strongly. How to explain it – he calls almost every day. He texts a few times a day. He wishes me good morning and good night. On date 1 when I asked he said he is looking for a partner. On date 2 he specified that he is looking for a wife. He says he’s never met anyone like me. He calls me a dreamy theater snob;) he is right btw. He wants to see me 2-3-4 times a week. He asks how I am doing. He asks how my son is doing. He offered help looking for apartments and actually went with me once when I said ok. He told me that he closed his profile on a dating site 2 weeks ago because he really likes me and though we are not intimate yet he thinks I may be his future partner and he doesn’t want to spoil it. HE INVITED ME TO HIS OFFICE HOLIDAY PARTY and I went.
    Yesterday in texts we were joking and I laughed that he was bragging about me to his family. He said – he has much to brag about. He got an angel for Christmas. And that exact wording on a different occasion I once got from smartcd. I feel so torn. I feel so foolish that I lost smartcd. Did I mention that during this time of silence I saw him on the dating site every time I looked – once in 10-14 days. And then a month ago he removed his profile. Brava to the girl who made him do it. Just it could have been me. I think he started going out with her once I voiced my financial problem. I think his friend introduced him to her, a friend of his own girl. I think he went out with us both for a month or so. Then he dropped me. I still miss him. The truth is that I still do. I can’t get into this with the new guy because smartcd is in my heart. I shed so many tears over how could he never say a word to me. That really hurt.

    a few weeks ago I went to a conference in Florida. Hanukkah started the day I was back. I was still looking for an apartment then and suddenly in midday I looked at the synagogue’s schedule for that day. They had an event for children that Saturday morning. When I looked it was over by 10 mins. I missed it. there was a chance for me to see him there and I missed it. He only goes there for holidays and that was it. It was like the second break up.
    I remembered Starla once talked about ‘signs’. For the first 2 months I saw signs all the time. Every day almost. Things we did together, his name mentioned or his last name with no connection to him, etc. it happens less and less now. Maybe I should have called and expressed my emotions but I have too much pride for that. For crying in the corner surprisingly not, but to contact him again is close to impossible. It hurts so much to think how little I meant to him. Obviously he is happy in his new relationship. I should stop, but I still won’t let it go.

  269.  #269Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    (((Memulo))). Good to see you here. And remember, he lost YOU, not the other way around. He obviously did not deserve you and this new guy seems great in comparison – very much a step up man!

    Give it time.


  270.  #270Daria on December 26, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Hey I had a CD over last nite and he was playing w my pussy all nite ๐Ÿ™‚ yum yum

    And he will wait until I’m comfortable


    I’m feeling so fresh n wet n fulfilled.

    He’s gone now and he’s gona bring me more gumbo.

    And neighbor CD will too. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Yay life is blissfully Christmasy

    And now to figure out why my pisdy gets feeling irritated and hot angry when we put something inside her.

    I want her to feel good !


    I feel sad maybe she’s not used to it…


    Maybe it’s cuz there wasn’t a lot of kidding before hand

    I gotta figure these things out bit by but

    Ok I feel shy to kiss a lot…

    Shyer than sex!

    Omg no way

    That means I need to practice kissing to open my intimacy


    Attract men who practice w me



    Not be high makes it easier to kiss

    I think kissing high feels way intimate

    I feel scared it will lead immediately into sex

    Like an amoeba

  271.  #271Daria on December 26, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Memulo is here ? An without her guy yay woohoo I didn’t like that dude.

    Yay ๐Ÿ™‚

  272.  #272k2012 on December 26, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Calypso #52, hugs to u my dear. I know firsthand like many of us on here how hard it is to get over a breakup. Do u have a few friends who u can hang out with? That would be good. Is he someone from your workplace? Not sure if I am mixing u up with someone else. Focus on yourself my dear and make plans for the future. As to finances. Lord of mercy, I need someone to be my financial planner. Lol. No sah. Finances can be rough at times. I myself am thinking of asking one of my creditors to give me a longer time to repay my loan. Oh my God, u know when u borrow money and not even keeping track of the amount u borrow. Call the companies who u owe money and consider asking them for a longer time to pay off your debts. I have reapplied for a credit card. I gave up the previous now about 7 years ago but I am reapplying for one. I find out that it is needed whenever I want to make a purchase online or if I want to purchase airline tickets. Take for example now, one product I would like to purchase online now are Rori’s products-e-book etc. Of course, if it is approved, I will definitely have to practice proper management of it as I have been doing without it for years. The only reason why I have reapplied for one is because of the convenience of online purchases.

  273.  #273Daria on December 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    That shit wd fuchk w ma head too…

    That’s some shit to get over


    Scorpio CD was gone for 3 weeks bit he came here last nite I felt so triggered not seeing him hmmm

  274.  #274Tam on December 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Urgh. Here comes the first hiccup.
    I feel icky and like I overfunctioned but in reality I didn’t…eek.
    Curly asked me to spend New Years eve with him…but we had no plans (bearing in mind that I spend all the socialising time with his friends and female fanclub). I got an invitation for both of us from one of my friends to a party and later fireworks in my part of town which is really nice but not where the fake and famous mingle but more the locals…lovely.
    So at first he kind of ignored the party invite and I thought fair enough as he had lots of stuff going on today. Then he called me and I forgot to mention it and sent a text ‘forgot to ask, did you see the party invite’ and he sent one back saying ‘yes I did’.
    That already made me feel icky.
    I didn’t answer.
    10 minutes later I get an odd call and he was mumbling something about if it was up to him he’d be quite happy to spend New Years anywhere but there are his friends to consider (ermmmm – eh?).
    He has no alternative plans yet by the way.
    And HE asked if he could spend NY eve with me.
    Well, bugger that. I spent my last 3 days out of 4 with his friends and his female fanclub, and frankly am not in the mood for that another time, so tough luck Oldie, guess I shall me RSVPing for one person to my friends party.
    I have grown a little intolerant of nonsense. And I cna understand that someone wants to spend NY with their friends, but why then say they want to spend it with me, and while there is no other party scheduled anyway ask for one more day to make up his mind. Nah.
    Tonight was also strange, normally they invite me to the place they go on Wednesdays but today I did not get an invite. He calls me when he gets home and says ‘oh I was just meeting so and so, didn’t really want to go out bla bla’. Normally him and NoCD would invite me both. Now it seems it’s all a done deal and I am getting blindsided. Guess I am in the bag and don’t get invited to the women-hunting/female fanclub outings anymore.
    Interesting. I feel ignored and don’t like feeling like that. Well, well.
    I will just lean back a bit more now, it feels good to step back. Hey matey, you haven’t got me in the bag yet….ha!

  275.  #275GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Janie baby

    You made a choice, and you made it for you! You didn’t give any power away, you took your own power back.

    I see such a huge shift in you…I feel delighted that you made these choices for yourself and plan to see them through. I see you acknowledging your worry feelings and fears and still keeping your boundaries. You are making great first steps. And it’s ok to feel triggered when we don’t feel “got”.

    Keep on keepin’ on!

  276.  #276GlowStix on December 26, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    Janie baby

    You may end up leaps and bounds ahead of other 21 and 22 year old women. Feel compassion for them…It will get easier to vocalize why these things are right for you the more you do it.

  277.  #277Tam on December 26, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    I shall be extremely busy tomorrow…and possibly the day after. A bit concerned that my other CD’s have disappeared but then I am not internet dating anymore so guess it had to happen.

  278.  #278Tam on December 26, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    Hm. Not sure about what to do with this New Years eve thing, in reality I now want to RSVP for one person and just say that it would feel better if I could spend it with my friends. Now I don’t even feel like going with him anymore..oops. Would be a bit mean but he had a whole day to make up his mind…and frankly, I have been going for years and years to stuff by myself, and although it is annoying to be always just one amongst couples, I got used to it. Guess he got used to being in a crowd of all singles and the excitement it brings.
    I am also a little fed up to get pushed out of the way by these women and long term female friends chasing him the whole time, not up for that on NY’s eve..haha. Sharing is not always caring ๐Ÿ˜‰
    It is easy, like Rori says, he either gets to dive into the world of many women or he gets you….
    Very simple ๐Ÿ˜‰

  279.  #279Tam on December 26, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    I surprise myself at how the triggers don’t last so long anymore and the focus comes back to me and how I feel pretty quickly…..good stuff.
    Once you know how to navigate the triggers, and use them to your advantage and growth, that’s when stuff feels exciting.
    I get triggered all the time in small ways and as I get aware of it, I kind of move through them, process and then watch myself and how I feel….
    And I can let it go.
    So far so good.
    I also notice that after that prolonged kissing and cuddling session yesterday I felt more attached and how that doesn’t work in my favour at all. I caught myself and I will think long and hard before I embark on another cuddling session so soon…it’s not serving me at this stage, when I still don’t know the guy and can only go by what he tells me.
    Best to keep a clear head for another couple of weeks or so…yes.

  280.  #280Linda on December 26, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Hello all

    I have been away from the blog for several days. Holidays are so busy for me. A good busy though. I love tradition and christmas… wrapping gifts making them beautiful.

    I feel next year is going to be a great year for me. I have decided to revitalize my own business. My creative side has been dorment tooo long. I have passions that I have just stopped feeding. I have decided to invest energy into expanding my business to include event planning. Wedding, parties, theme parties, decorating. My daughters are going to be a part of it to. Opening a new chapter in 2013. Doing things that make me happy deep down into my toes… yep.

    I am still CD’ing. FavoriteCD continues to amaze me in so many ways. I have written before but I continue to feel amazed at how comfortable and relaxed I feel with him and how things are unfolding and developing between us. He went with me to a family function on Christmas Eve.. met my mother and brother ! His vibe was warm, engaged and present. He jumped right in.. talking being his warm self with them! Later in the evening as we were wrapping his christmast gifts together.. he said ” I told my mom about you today”…. “I told my son about you too”…. Inside I was doing flip flops and a big happy dance…. outside I smiled and said… You did? He told me he wanted me to meet them…. WOW I would love nothing more for things to go that way… I said ” I would be delighted to meet your family”…. I honestly could not be more pleased!!!!

    CDing is becoming a bit harder as I move closer to
    favoriteCD. I find myself drawn in by his affection and attention and his character. He actually said.. “I am so glad I get to spend Christmas Eve with you” He said “GET” to spend it with me. I felt appreciated and desired and wanted. OMG… It

  281.  #281Tam on December 26, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    I never knew that one can make conscious decisions..I just used to slide into relationships so quickly…before I even knew the person.
    The MrP episode and also my exbf have cured me of that. Now it feels so much better to take things slowly and watch what unfolds and how a person acts…whether their words match their actions and so on…I feel really empowered by making the choice not to jump between the sheets with someone and knowing that it would not serve me.
    I wish I had known all this before.
    Life would have been so much easier.
    Oh well!!

  282.  #282Linda on December 26, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Hello all

    I have been away from the blog for several days. Holidays are so busy for me. A good busy though. I love tradition and christmas… wrapping gifts making them beautiful.

    I feel next year is going to be a great year for me. I have decided to revitalize my own business. My creative side has been dorment tooo long. I have passions that I have just stopped feeding. I have decided to invest energy into expanding my business to include event planning. Wedding, parties, theme parties, decorating. My daughters are going to be a part of it to. Opening a new chapter in 2013. Doing things that make me happy deep down into my toes… yep.

    I am still CD’ing. FavoriteCD continues to amaze me in so many ways. I have written before but I continue to feel amazed at how comfortable and relaxed I feel with him and how things are unfolding and developing between us. He went with me to a family function on Christmas Eve.. met my mother and brother ! His vibe was warm, engaged and present. He jumped right in.. talking being his warm self with them! Later in the evening as we were wrapping his christmast gifts together.. he said ” I told my mom about you today”…. “I told my son about you too”…. Inside I was doing flip flops and a big happy dance…. outside I smiled and said… You did? He told me he wanted me to meet them…. WOW I would love nothing more for things to go that way… I said ” I would be delighted to meet your family”…. I honestly could not be more pleased!!!!

    CDing is becoming a bit harder as I move closer to
    favoriteCD. I find myself drawn in by his affection and attention and his character. He actually said.. “I am so glad I get to spend Christmas Eve with you” He said “GET” to spend it with me. I felt appreciated and desired and wanted. OMG… It JUST FEELS RIGHT. More and MORE it feels Right. The dance between us works on levels I did not know exisited.

    I am staying open and receiving what my CD’s bring to me. It feels lovely and feminine and freeing.

    Bedtime for me… just wanted to share how good life is right now!

  283.  #283Linda on December 26, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    Sorry about the double post that is what I get for typing in the dark without a keyboard that lights up.


  284.  #284Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    I’m using your script with BlueCD thank you thank you…it’s working well…

  285.  #285Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    I like where you’re at right now Tam. Keep it up! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  286.  #286Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Awww Linda, I feel so happy for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  287.  #287Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Ladies…its so scary and akward for me at first to use feeling messages….I feel nervous and unnatural and kinda freaked out but I have yet to have a BAD reaction from a man or anyone!!

    As long as I check in with how I feel…no matter their reaction…

    even if their reacxtion is surprise…

    and they say something that feels “off” then I react with another FM like “oh that feels kinda bad to hear” and then ….silence…usually I get a soothing reply of him trying to smooth things over…

    LOL and that goes for pretty much any man I’ve talked to…

    Also….patience and leaning back without overthinking it..I have a super cool male friend right now that I talk to and text and spend time with who is not a romantic interest at all…but he balances out my vibe and natrually helps me NOT to lean forward with anyone…which right now is only BlueCD hahah…

  288.  #288k2012 on December 26, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Correction-Lord have mercy, not Lord of mercy. Well ladies as I have told u my grandmother did ask me “when am I going to give her a son in law”. Lol. That would be grand son in law of course. I told her one of these days. The only person who can ask me that question and I don’t snap at them is Grandma. My parents as I said before in the previous thread are not asking me cause they see firsthand how difficult it is for me to find good lasting men. But anybody else who asks me is going to get an attitude from me. U guys ever have friends who every time they see u or talk to u on the phone asking u if u haven’t found someone yet or when are u getting married. I have a friend who I went to school with. She loves overseas and we talk once in a while and usually see each other when she visits my country. Every single time when I am talking to her or when I see her she is asking “if I haven’t found any man yet.” It is most annoying. Last year May, i reconnected with someone via facebook (not disappearing ex) and while it didn’t reach relationship stage yet, she asked me
    the same question and I told her I met someone. I was sorry I told her anything. Things fizzled out after that with that guy. Which leads me to a question I have to ask u all? Do u find that after a number of failed relationships in which family and friends know each time, do u find that u are now reluctant to tell anyone about a new relationship, except for a few family members and a FEW friends?
    When I meet a new man next time and another and another and start circular dating, I have decided that apart from my sisters, I won’t tell my parents until I see a man start stepping up to the plate AND HIS WORDS MATCH HIS ACTIONS. Tired of telling my parents about relationships that seem promising only to have disappointing news in the end. Where friends are concerned, quite a few friends knew about disappearing ex. Next time around only hairdresser/relationship counsellor and another friend I will tell. Both hairdresser/relationship counsellor and that friend are confidential individuals who can counsel me. When things get more serious, I will tell one of my pastors as well. When things get more serious, I will tell my parents and if a few more months the man proposes, that’s great. Sisters will know as I meet the men and the progress I am making. No one else will know anything until an engagement ring is safely on my finger and as hairdresser says “and when the date of the wedding is set”. If anyone is upset like any of my friends that is, that I didn’t share with them about any man I have met, I am sorry I am tired of sharing good news in the beginning and then disappearing news after. So do u find that u are reluctant to share with any family member or friend when u meet a man because of the many or even few failed relationships? Looking forward to hear from u.

  289.  #289Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    Waiting for a “reply” from a feeling message is sometimes hard…so right now I’m just breathing deeeep…and not reaching out or leaning forward buggy eyed at the phone for a reply hahahaha

  290.  #290Tereana on December 26, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Ah… I have spotty Internet connection bc of where I’m staying. I can post ok, but not so easy to read – I can’t see post numbers.

    Anyway, the truth will set you free.

    I went to my hometown today. It was amazing. A very emotional experience. I was crying as I exited the highway onto the familiar roads.

    Spent the afternoon with my old friend from school and her parents. Everything felt so normal and at ease. I just loved it. I always loved spending time at her house. Such a counterpoint to the chaos and dirtiness (literal dirt) in my family’s home. Speaking of which, I drive by the old place, and that was healing, too, on many levels. There was a long story about it, so I won’t write it all here. But I followed my guy and me heart, and I’m glad I did.

    The thing about the truth is a guy, though. There is a man – H. He is not a happy man. He’s the one I met on the beach over a year ago. He almost never contacts me. But once in a blue moon he will, and he’ll tell me that he misses me. (I think – how can you miss me? We barely ever spent time together???) also, he moved away to another location. It’s not like I could believe he ever really wants anything from me.

    But on my way home to my family’s place, I had to pass by his area for several hours. I told him about it, and he said he wanted to come see me. I said ok. So I get there, and he never came. He never responded, and I didn’t know what happened. Today (2 days later), he tells me he forgot his phone at work. Likely story, but it doesn’t matter. I considered not responding at all. I did, but I took my time. I says it was fine, I’d see him another time. He said okay, which seemed nonchalant. And I can’t explain why but I got this horrid sick feeling in my gut/head. Ive felt it before with him – always when I talk to him. It’s awful. And there’s no good reason for it. It’s just there.

    Finally, I texted back, “you scare me.” and it was true. It felt good to say the truth. He scares the living sh*t out of me, and I can’t say why. He says he cares, but he is so stoic and emotionless, he looks like he could snap my neck I’d he wanted to.

    I could have gotten really involved with him a long time ago. But I think I’m glad I didn’t. I would have been signing up for a life of who even knows what.

    I want my nice, comfy, sweet, emotionally safe relationship. No more manipulative sociopaths for me! Lol ; )


    Happy Boxing Day!!!

  291.  #291Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    I’m a lil more private about my relationships or potentials because I’m not sure how it’s gonna go… yes…but at the same time it’s kinda nice to just answer something like “I’m dating someone, yes” and leave it at that…if they press for details I don’t say ANYTHING…just somehting like (smiling) “In time I’ll share more with you we have been getting to know each other and it feels fun”…and then change the topic…
    I’ve found this works well…if someone realllllyyy pries (rude and nosy) then I say well I kinda feel uncomfortable talking about my personal life details right now…if there is news for you to know you will know, trust me! ((smiling)) so it doesn’t sound defensive or snarky…
    even tho I may feel annoyed at the prying…
    I have a friend who I basically don’t talk to anymore and it’s partly because she would NOT let up asking allllll kindddsss of questions about RecycledCD when I was with him, and it was exhausting, wierd, and rude and I found myself avoiding her. Not that I had anything to hide, it was just odd…and you know what I AM NOT REQUIRED to tell anyone anything! Even family!!

    Sending you love K2012 I think 2013 will be better for both of us xoxo

  292.  #292k2012 on December 26, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Disappointing news, not disappearing. Lol. The word disappearing is certainly lodged in my brain based on what has happened over the last couple of months.

  293.  #293Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    290 Tereana that is your GUT FEELING talking to you about that man!
    I almost got chills reading your post!!!
    Your INTUITION is looking out for you….
    Perhaps you were spared misery by him not showing up, which is in itself, rude and abnormal and kinda odd to just stand you up like that….but maybe a blessing for you!!!
    What a bad sign!
    Good for you listening to your gut!

  294.  #294k2012 on December 26, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Hey Emerson, thanks so much. I certainly wish the best for u too in 2013. Hope we along with all the ladies on here will have fabulous relationships. U know the same nosy friend I was telling u about, the last time she visited our country, another friend gave me her number and I deliberately did not call her. Nope I didn’t. Tired of her nosiness now. Tereana, Happy Boxing Day to u too. We celebrate it in my country too. Almost over. Must be after 12 by now. I better go to bed now.

  295.  #295Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    Sirens I feel open to meet someone new…I don’t know when or how it will happen,,,but I am intending to start waterwheeling more often and not feeling so scruchy faced and closed off….I want to be open and feel good about my vibe…I need some BOTOX LOL…

  296.  #296Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    294 yeah K2012 I know and it’s kinda sad because this friend of mine I’ve known since grade school…but I just could not take it.
    Kinda goes with my evolution over the past few years of not sticking around things/people/situations that don’t feel good and speaking MY TRUTH…

  297.  #297Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    OMG I feel jealous of couples sometimes when I see them I try to be sentimental and happy for them but I am jealous and seething LOL I love my jealous feeling ๐Ÿ™‚ Sending love to myself it’s ok Emerson xoxo to me

  298.  #298Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:31 pm

  299.  #299Emerson on December 26, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    I’m busty ๐Ÿ™‚ so sometimes low cut dresses are a little “too much” and this one is super classy but sexy!

  300.  #300Indigo on December 26, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    I have really been holding the feeling within me that I am loved. I choose to *know* that my family loves me, that D loves me, that my friends love me. I choose to *know* that with an unshakeable knowledge, no matter what I *think* is going on.

    I choose to see the love in D’s words. I choose to see the love when he wants to pay for things, or offers to. I choose to see the love when he chooses to come and lie down next to me, as he did last night. When he lets me make myself comfortable in, and have the run of, his home.

    I choose to see the love when he messages me, even if it has been hours or even days. I choose to see the love when, like last night, he gently puts his arm around me and just holds me against him quietly while we are watching a movie. I choose to see the love where he gives me affection or touches me straight after he has given affection to the cat, because he cares how I feel about it.

    We are not together. We are just *seeing*. Eek. That feels scary and exciting. On the one hand I have absolute faith. On the other I have absolutely no idea.

    He told me it was never due to a lack of love, or a lack of interest that we are not together, it was due to fighting. We are not fighting now, we are loving one another and I feel so different towards him now.

    I wonder how things will turn out.

    Sorry for the long post, it feels good to express this.

  301.  #301Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Wooo! Looks like I have a breakfast date tomorrow morning with an old housemate from many many years ago. He’s had a crush on me since 1991, but sadly I don’t feel the same way. But it will be nice to have someone drooling over me for a couple of hours…! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Oh and funnily enough, he’s visiting here from my old hometown, which is where Mr Italian is right now because that’s his hometown too! lol

    And Emerson, I LURVE both those dresses! NICE! ๐Ÿ™‚

  302.  #302Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Terena – the guy who snuck up on you at the beach? Isn’t he married though?

  303.  #303janie baby on December 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    THanks Glow Stix!
    That feels good to hear ๐Ÿ™‚
    I feel reassured.
    Maybe the FM stuff does work. I feel like I was trying too hard and it felt unnatural for a while and I’d spew and thought it was ok cause of the FM’s but I find myself thinking in FM’s naturally now, and it gets easier and feels more right.
    It’s something that logically I couldn’t understand but emotional feels good. Kind of like learning a new language. Sometimes new grammar rules don’t make sense but in the setting and doing it over and over it just makes sense. Just because.

  304.  #304Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    Yayy Memulo. You sound stronger. Hurt but strong The new guy sounds good so far. After 3 months let’s see if he stays steady. I believe he must be attracted to your newfound confidence. It feels obvious in the way you express your words. I feel happy for you. I’d say talk to yourself more. Look in the mirror more and send love to yourself more. Your heartbreak is just to open your heart a little wider to receive more love. Welcome back.

  305.  #305Femininewoman on December 26, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Daniel, the best thing to do is to disengage. You might need to learn stop and breathe in order to remember to disengage. When one or both people are full of rage, no learning or resolution can occur. Fighting when enraged gets you nowhere and can be very hurtful to your relationship. It’s best for each of you to be alone and do some inner work on your own feelings. When you are each clear on what triggered you into rage, and are open to learning, then you can come back together and talk about the conflict with an intent to learn.

    Fights are generally about controlling rather than about learning, and are often a waste of time and energy.


  306.  #306Butterfly Wings on December 26, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    Haha my date for tomorrow morning has requested that I don’t show up “looking like a model”. ROFL!

    I’ll see what I can do….! ๐Ÿ˜€

  307.  #307janie baby on December 26, 2012 at 11:49 pm

    yes I agree. I think your intuition is teling you something. Our animal instincts can detect danger, and you are probably sensing the sociopath in him or something wrong.

  308.  #308Smile on December 27, 2012 at 1:09 am

    Radlove and FW

    I feel like a superhero (subject to change)

    I am a superhero (feels more permanent)


    Radlove, I giggled at your brief visit to the blog to share your superheroness x

  309.  #309Smile on December 27, 2012 at 1:11 am


    Welcome back! With feelings of heartbreak I did as rori describes and just let my energy carry me forward in each moment! Your new cd sounds great!!!

  310.  #310Smile on December 27, 2012 at 1:12 am

    Tam! I love that your keeping to your own plans for new year! Loved your posts ๎•

  311.  #311Smile on December 27, 2012 at 1:12 am

    Wow Linda! I was wondering how your were getting on ๎•

  312.  #312Daria on December 27, 2012 at 1:25 am

    I feel really loved by me right now.

    I want to arrange my clothes.

  313.  #313Daria on December 27, 2012 at 1:28 am

    Janie baby – high 5 ! Are u in the bay ? We should hook up n practice Rori tools together ๐Ÿ™‚

  314.  #314Daria on December 27, 2012 at 1:30 am

    Emerson – wow really ? Nice ๐Ÿ™‚

    I felt kinda truggered w it… I guess that felt vulnerable…

  315.  #315Sirenity on December 27, 2012 at 2:04 am

    I am feeling vulnerable and feeling very “passed over ” on online web sites. I have a great profile , pic is quite nice , but age and location not helping .

    Warning blog rant starting here !!!

    Having been a veteran of online dating for years on and off I have noticed a real fall off in interest as my age goes up. I have become more proactive and messaged lots of men as in SLV’s “hanky drop’ and get NIL response , except for the no thanks , not interested kind. I therefore increased the age bracket to men 8-10 years older who are looking for women of my age (ie they are over 60!) The men just dont approach me and they still answer in the negative.

    The continued rejection may be based on my location. I think I am attractive for my age and i am generally admired for my elegance , good humour , wit and edge . I am a darned good catch !

    Whatever the reason for the drought it is so demoralising to constantly step up and get knocked back . I feel damaged by the process (and believe me I am good with rejection in general and have regrown a a good healthy self esteem usually) . This process feels like self injury !

    I am shutting down the profile after the holiday period .

    I am hoping to meet men out and about (difficult in a small town when any man I meet at work is off limits , no singles in my yoga or zumba class, no singles in singing group..uuugh.) Somewhere in this town there must be someone single and looking .

    I am increasingly having to face the possibility of moving so that i can increase the pool of available men or just giving up. There are family issues involved. I feel conflicted and lonely.

    This feels so hard.

  316.  #316Smile on December 27, 2012 at 2:11 am

    Daria, I’m going to play my own version of change the room today. I feel excited to clear some space and make it look new and fresh and exciting by moving my pretty things into new places!!

  317.  #317Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2012 at 2:15 am

    Tomorrow’s date just told me he loves me. He has said this to me before, when he declared that he has had feelings for me since I was 19. Eeep!

    I think he may be drunk though… I hope so!!!

  318.  #318Smile on December 27, 2012 at 2:27 am

    I am grateful for all the love in my life right now!!

  319.  #319Smile on December 27, 2012 at 2:30 am

    My focus in on all the positives with my CDs

  320.  #320Smile on December 27, 2012 at 2:31 am

    I’m visualising my body as a clear vessel, I’m watching metallic silver cloud wash through my body as it fills up with love

  321.  #321Smile on December 27, 2012 at 2:32 am

    I can feel my body bend and twist as I soak up the yum feelings.

  322.  #322Smile on December 27, 2012 at 2:49 am

    Sex feels great to me and i need to feel secure first. I’m looking for a life long relationship and want to know I’m on the same page as someone first. I feel protective of my heart.

    What do sirens think about this?

  323.  #323Smile on December 27, 2012 at 2:56 am

    I don’t want to be seduced by passion, I want to feel relaxed and comfortable to be able to share with a guy what feels good to me. I feel vulnerable saying that.

  324.  #324Smile on December 27, 2012 at 3:27 am

    It feels great to take things slow and easily. I don’t feel ready for a sexual relationship yet. When I am I would want to know I was sexually exclusive.

  325.  #325Vi on December 27, 2012 at 3:27 am

    I feel so glad to see you Memulo!

    “My well being is my first priority.” feels so good and also relieving to read. It is how a safe place feels to me. I will be using it for my mantra along with ‘I am in the perfect place, at the perfect time, with the perfect people, in my perfect self’.

  326.  #326Butterfly Wings on December 27, 2012 at 3:31 am

    I thought J had poofed.. It seems he hasn’t because I just got out of the shower and was surprised to see a text from him! Ha!

    I don’t feel as “attached” to him as I did before Christmas, which is a good thing. I still think he’s hotter than hot though…. sigh…! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  327.  #327Tam on December 27, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Oh Smile, what great feeling messages around sex!! Very relevant for me too, I will copy and past them!!!! You are so good at this!!

  328.  #328Tam on December 27, 2012 at 5:30 am

    Another thought about triggers….I don’t seem to get triggered so much also when I am not really into a man. I just feel amused when a sentence or two comes, that if for instance, MrP had said them, would have driven me climbing up a wall.
    So for instance, Curly made a comment about other women’s shoes – he likes very high heels and the shoes he likes I don’t like basically, very very high and spikey, and plump at the front, to me they just look clumpy and unfeminine and most people fail to walk in them. One girl at a party was wearing shoes like that and he gave her a big compliment, as she was falling about the place in a much too short skirt at that. I just looked at her and thought ‘eeek’… I would never wear anything like this. I like high heels too but I need to be able to walk in them. I dress sexy but classy. Then he complimented another woman (the one who is always running after him) on her shoes too, and those were also very spikey…not at all my style. I kept my mouth shut because I’d have been impolite but I just wanted to say: ‘yikes, I think they are butt-ugly’. Hahaha.
    And as I stood there pondering that thought, I felt super strong and attractive. Hahaha.
    NOW, if MrP had said that he liked that kind of stuff, I was always feeling not good enough, not attractive enough bla bla bla. Should I wear different shoes? I would have got upset.
    I wonder if my self-esteem has just grown so much..it’s very intersting…..or maybe it’s because I am just not interested in the man so much….no idea.
    I would like to think it’s my self esteem though ๐Ÿ™‚
    I don’t care which shoes other people wear, I have my style and like to be able to walk in my shoes….and, haha, I wouldn’t change that for anyone. And I got a subtle deeling that Curly was trying to direct my style into this direction. No thanks. I am me. Try to change someone else, not moi.
    I like my feet and my legs and am not going to ruin my feet and break my legs with ugly shoes.
    He he.
    I feel super strong right now, long may it last!
    I actually have a pair of killer heels also, but I feel totally uninspired to wear them now…too funny.

  329.  #329Tam on December 27, 2012 at 5:33 am

    oh this went into moderation:
    Another thought about triggersโ€ฆ.I donโ€™t seem to get triggered so much also when I am not really into a man. I just feel amused when a sentence or two comes, that if for instance, MrP had said them, would have driven me climbing up a wall.
    So for instance, Curly made a comment about other womenโ€™s shoes โ€“ he likes very high heels and the shoes he likes I donโ€™t like basically, very very high and spikey, and plump at the front, to me they just look clumpy and unfeminine and most people fail to walk in them. One girl at a party was wearing shoes like that and he gave her a big compliment, as she was falling about the place in a much too short skirt at that. I just looked at her and thought โ€˜eeekโ€™โ€ฆ I would never wear anything like this. I like high heels too but I need to be able to walk in them. I dress sexy but classy. Then he complimented another woman (the one who is always running after him) on her shoes too, and those were also very spikeyโ€ฆnot at all my style. I kept my mouth shut because Iโ€™d have been impolite but I just wanted to say: โ€˜yikes, I think they are horrible h**ker shoesโ€™. Hahaha.
    And as I stood there pondering that thought, I felt super strong and attractive. Hahaha.
    NOW, if MrP had said that he liked that kind of stuff, I was always feeling not good enough, not attractive enough bla bla bla. Should I wear different shoes? I would have got upset.
    I wonder if my self-esteem has just grown so much..itโ€™s very interstingโ€ฆ..or maybe itโ€™s because I am just not interested in the man so muchโ€ฆ.no idea.
    I would like to think itโ€™s my self esteem though
    I donโ€™t care which shoes other people wear, I have my style and like to be able to walk in my shoesโ€ฆ.and, haha, I wouldnโ€™t change that for anyone. And I got a subtle deeling that Curly was trying to direct my style into this direction. No thanks. I am me. Try to change someone else, not moi.
    I like my feet and my legs and am not going to ruin my feet and break my legs with horrible shoes.
    He he.
    I feel super strong right now, long may it last!
    I actually have a pair of super high heels also, but I feel totally uninspired to wear them nowโ€ฆtoo funny.

  330.  #330Tam on December 27, 2012 at 5:34 am

    oh no. my comments are going into moderation and no nasty words in them…I am shocked ๐Ÿ˜‰

  331.  #331Amy on December 27, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Hi Ladies,

    Happy Holidays! I don’t come on here to often, but I do love reading the blog. I am here because I need some help, tips, advice…

    My boyfriend says he isn’t happy with our relationship and hasn’t been for about 5 months (we have been together 7). He said he wanted to break up, but then he’s actions said differently. Yesterday we had a long talk and I asked him if this was what he REALLY wanted because if I move out and we break up that will be the final end. He said he didn’t know…he just wanted to feel happy again in the relationship. I want that too.

    So we are going to do a trial (one month) to really put in 100% effort from both of us and try to get back that passion and intimacy again.

    I am feeling afraid and worried that it might not be executed, but I am hoping that we really will do it this time (we have been down this road before). I just really think with a little tweaks here and there and a little bit of effort on our part we can change our relationship.

    So ladies, I need some tips on how you would do this?

    Thank you,

  332.  #332Tam on December 27, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Ok, I will try one more time:
    oh this went into moderation:
    Another thought about triggersโ€ฆ.I donโ€™t seem to get triggered so much also when I am not really into a man. I just feel amused when a sentence or two comes, that if for instance, MrP had said them, would have driven me climbing up a wall.
    So for instance, Curly made a comment about other womenโ€™s shoes โ€“ he likes very high heels and the shoes he likes I donโ€™t like basically, very very high and spikey, and thick at the front, to me they just look big and unfeminine and most people can’twalk in them. One girl at a party was wearing shoes like that and he gave her a big compliment, as she was falling about the place in a much too short skirt at that. I just looked at her and thought โ€˜eeekโ€™โ€ฆ I would never wear anything like this. I like high heels too but I need to be able to walk in them. I dress s*xy but classy. Then he complimented another woman (the one who is always running after him) on her shoes too, and those were also very spikeyโ€ฆnot at all my style. I kept my mouth shut because Iโ€™d have been impolite but I just wanted to say: โ€˜urgh, I think they are unattractive h**ker shoesโ€™. Hahaha.
    And as I stood there pondering that thought, I felt super strong and attractive. Hahaha.
    NOW, if MrP had said that he liked that kind of stuff, I was always feeling not good enough, not attractive enough bla bla bla. Should I wear different shoes? I would have got upset.
    I wonder if my self-esteem has just grown so much..itโ€™s very interstingโ€ฆ..or maybe itโ€™s because I am just not interested in the man so muchโ€ฆ.no idea.
    I would like to think itโ€™s my self esteem though
    I donโ€™t care which shoes other people wear, I have my style and like to be able to walk in my shoesโ€ฆ.and, haha, I wouldnโ€™t change that for anyone. And I got a subtle deeling that Curly was trying to direct my style into this direction. No thanks. I am me. Try to change someone else, not moi.
    I like my feet and my legs and am not going to ruin my feet and break my legs with strange shoes.
    He he.
    I feel super strong right now, long may it last!
    I actually have a pair of super high heels also, but I feel totally uninspired to wear them nowโ€ฆtoo funny.

  333.  #333Smile on December 27, 2012 at 5:52 am

    Aw thanks tam, im practising saying whatvi feel in different ways in my head so I feel comfortable to have a conversation in real life. It’s come up over text but I find it so much harder to actually speak fm around sex outloud so I’m practising till I feel I can say my wants with a velvet hammer.

    Yey to your self esteem!

  334.  #334Smile on December 27, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Hi amy,

    If it were me I would be looking after myself. 5/7 months is a while to be unhappy in a relationship. I would be keeping my options open. I would offer my wants and needs, it would not feel good to have a man um and ar over me.

    In terms of ‘making it work’ in this month, I would focus on positive things rather than the negative. I would lean back in terms of effort but totally melt all over him when it feels good. I would share with him what I want and what makes me feel good. I wonder if you know what he needs to feel loved?

  335.  #335Smile on December 27, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Amy, perhaps the biggest thing for me has been learning to communicate in feeling messages.

  336.  #336Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 6:11 am

    Amy from what I have learned I would totatlly agree with him. Tell him he is totally right. Things have been awful and you want to be happy too. If he wants to break up just agree with him. Telling him it will be the final end is a bit of an ultimatum. What you want to communicate is that you are committed to your happiness and willing to take any path that takes you there.

    What effort would he want you to put in or would you be willling to put in?

  337.  #337Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Amy love yourself first.

  338.  #338Daria on December 27, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Yay ๐Ÿ™‚ Ove been wanting to play it too smile!
    Can’t wait till ma boy plays it for me

  339.  #339Amy on December 27, 2012 at 6:31 am

    @ Smile and Femininewoman:

    Thank you ladies! I am going to do both of those things. I didn’t mean by telling him it would be the final end as an ultimatum and I said that because in the past he has pulled this before and then coming back saying he doesn’t want to break up. I just don’t want to be toss around. I probably should have voiced that in feeling messages. learning!

    Also, I agreed with him and I didn’t agree with him. I agreed that I want to take whatever steps is needed to make sure I am happy…but I breaking up isn’t making me happy especially when I dont think it is what he wants. I did say though that if it is truly what he wants I am not going to argue with him and that if it is then breaking up is for the best.

    Also, Smile I asked him what he needs from a relationship to feel loved and he couldn’t tell me. I did say taht we all have our love language..mine is quality time…I think his is acts of service, but I am not 100% sure. I think I could start there….

    At Femininewoman: As like with Smile, I asked him what type of effort he would like to see put in and he doesn’t answer me. I would be willing to put in the effort that takes me a little out of my comfort zone. but isn’t making em be someone I am not. I want to say yes more and let more things go. I think that got away from us. Honestly, I don’t believe he is too happy in general lately. And I know that isn’t something I can change, so I need to just focus on myself. Even if we still break up this was a wake up call because it is helping me to see that I let alot of things over take me…not 24/7, but enough. I need to get back to a better place.

  340.  #340Amy on December 27, 2012 at 6:36 am

    It has open my eyes to the neediness I have let happen in myself. I was never like this before, but something happened in the past in our relationship (not cheating or anything like that) and I don’t think I really let myself let it go. It still gives me alot of anxiety it might happen again so I because needy to make it stop. I still live my own life, do things that make me happy, but I became emotional needy. I need to change that

  341.  #341Tam on December 27, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Smile, I also find it difficult to actually say those feeling messages and I must say, I have become totally lazy in practicing and noticed closing myself up….and I don’t like it. However, it doesn’t seem to make too much difference.
    The odd thing is that now Curly talks almost exclusively in feeling messages to me…I find that quite odd but there it is.
    I have no idea if that is mirroring or what, maybe?
    Actually, I could learn from him:
    ‘I feel so good with you
    I feel so relaxed with you
    I feel energised when around you’
    I feel like I got the prize’
    etc etc.
    I dunno what’s going on there, is he turning into a woman? I have read that men produce more estrogen when they get older.
    Then he was shedding a tear the other day. That’s normally my part. Jeez, I was howling with MrP almost every day..something always made me emotional.
    I feel like I am in masculine energy at the moment and it doesn’t feel all that great.
    Now I lean back and smell the roses…ha!
    But yes, must practice a bit more, I have been sooo lazy with that.
    Ah well.
    I am cleaning, cleaning, cleaning…

  342.  #342Tam on December 27, 2012 at 6:43 am

    It feels great to look after my Condo and have it all smelling fresh.
    I feel full of energy to pretty up my little place.

  343.  #343Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Amy I would go back to that moment, write it out. See what emotions I experienced then. See if there are any deeper emotions there that have not yet been addressed. Ask myself why am I there? Start doing things to let go of the fear and anxiety. Start believing that I am the prize. He is lucky to have me. Cdate myself and at least allow myself the option of thinking there are other options out there for me.

    I believe Reconnect Your Relationship could really help you here. To really reconnect with yourself. The person he initially fell in love with.

  344.  #344Linda on December 27, 2012 at 6:44 am

    300..Indigo….. I feel inspired reading your post. I have often read and heard people say that love is a choice. “Feeling” love a choice too. I feel curious and open to this idea.

    Your description and words describes how I feel when I am with FavoriteCD. When he giggles with me, tells me about his hurts and victories, includes me in his “future talk”….kisses my head lightly, pulls me close on the sofa, puts his hand on my leg in the car…tells me “I am the best”…or how cute or sexy I am… when he comes up behind me and puts his arms around my waist and kisses my neck tenderly… it all FEELS so good…like I WANT to feel with a man… it FEELS like love.

    In the backof my mind… I have had a voice inside..it is ever present. Its purpose is self-protective, reminding and even negative at times. It warns me to not get too attached or overfunction. It reminds me to keep it real and not imaginary or allow future speak to escape my lips. It speaks wisdom and reminds me to not expect but to be open and receive. I do have some uneasyness..I do have issues with distrust and a negative voice saying.. he could disapear and poof in a second so dont …. I dont even expect it to last but I want it too. I DONT LIKE that part of this inside me but it is there. It feels like a tug of war at time. I have no control over him just me and my thoughts, and actions. So there in is my battle in the midst of what feels soo good.

    I am going to make some choices to Feel love and see how that works for me.

  345.  #345Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 6:46 am

    He talks him FMs because you have helped him connect to his heart so he is speaking from his heart

  346.  #346Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I don’t see memulo I feel left out was your name changed memulo?

  347.  #347Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 6:50 am

    Amy go into receiving mode so you can dial him back to his love channel. Accept his compliments gracefully when they come. Notice when he does things for you. Motivate him by specifically telling him what you want and how it makes you happy. When he does it then do the happy dance. That to me is the effort you should be putting him.

  348.  #348Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 6:52 am

    Emerson – 268 is Memulo

  349.  #349Tam on December 27, 2012 at 6:54 am

    344 aw FW, yes that’s probably it. I feel sceptical because I never really heard those kind of things before. From a man. It feels a little strange.

  350.  #350Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Rori has written about that happening. With men using FMs

  351.  #352Tam on December 27, 2012 at 7:07 am

    349, FW I never saw her writing about that.

  352.  #353Amy on December 27, 2012 at 7:14 am

    thank you femininewoman! I will start to do those things…and I will forgive myself for my past mistake (that is the hardest part…I feel so bad about mistakes I have made that I want to rush right out and fit it but if it isn’t receive the way I hope I feel disappointed and discourage…which is not fair to anyone. I need to choice to put forth this effort for myself and no one else…to have myself feel and do better things…not because of waht I hope to get in return.

  353.  #354Mercedes on December 27, 2012 at 7:47 am

    I thought this article was very funny but this line isn’t exactly true for everyone I don’t think. “Family brings out the worst in us.”

    I guess some of my family might bring out the worst in me. Most of them definitely do not.

    I think I don’t like that line because I’ve just had a very, very amazing Christmas and so much of it had to do with family. I loved us all being together…playing games…talking…eating…laughing…remembering…making each other smile…taking pictures….opening presents…sharing love. It wasn’t the worst in anyone. It was lovely.

    I feel very blessed right now. I feel loved. It’s the best feeling in the world to feel loved.

    Hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas as well.

    Much Love,

  354.  #355Calypso on December 27, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Right about this time last year I met a guy on Match.com who I talked about on here as SL. He is very tall and handsome and reminds me of a Viking – wonderful lover . . . I mean WONDERFUL – probablyt he best I’ve ever had. We dated for 3 months and then there was a tornado that hit the Prison where GM works and I got all distracted and was talking with GM too much and went to see him one night and told SL about it and he flipped out and broke up with me. We have stayed in touch a little bit over the past year and HE wished ME a Merry Christmas!

    Now today he is texting me real chatty like – he must be off work or something. He is asking me all about my sons, my job, etc. Just friendly. I’m responding, but my heart is startign to beat a little funny. I’m not using FM’s . . . I’m afraid. I’m not sure I would want to see him again. If i did, we would fall back in bed immediately and I think my feelings are still hurt that he dumpoed me so quickly last year, but that is silly, because at the time I was just glad because I wanted to have the freedom to be with GM – even just a friends.

    Confusing. I don’t know . . . I bet I could get SL to ask me out if I tried at all – Hmmmm……….

  355.  #356Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 8:02 am

    A man falls in love with you because he knows he can be himself around you.

    He falls in love with you because he feels SAFE expressing his innermost, private feelings with you.

    He knows that you can handle your feelings. He can sense that. And because he senses that at the most unconscious level, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, for your affection. He may not even know why he feels this way.

    All he knows is that there’s something special about you that he doesn’t feel with any other woman in his life. He wants to take you in his arms and keep you forever.

    This Is What Happens To A Man…

    This is the “secret psychology” I mention in the subject line of this email.

    I say it’s a secret because it’s little-understood by women (AND men). It’s rare either you or he will know exactly WHY he feels mesmerized by you and wants to get close to you and pursue you for something serious and long-lasting.

    Love, Rori

  356.  #357Tam on December 27, 2012 at 8:04 am

    355..thank you FW…nice.

  357.  #358Memulo on December 27, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Thanks for the warm welcome back sirens!

    Ironically I had 3 guys that I used to go out with contact me in the past couple if weeks. One guy was from 6 years ago and a different city. Hexwrote that he keeps on passing the building where I used to live and sometimes just goes there and he thinks about me. He didn’t know I moved long ago. I didn’t know him for long, he first liked me but i took a while to agree to sleep with him and he rejected me for someone else. He wrote that he still keeps a little gift I brought him from my trip to Europe, it’s always on his desk. I felt touched.

    Another guy was from 2-3 years ago and I was so obsessed with him and heartbroken and it went on for a long time, but he was a player big time. He liked me but he slept around with everything that moved. He had this strategy of never ask you out, just ‘suggesting’ or ‘giving you a ride home’ from some event. It didn’t work with me but it sure was breaking my heart. I didnt see him for 2-3 years and then he came to friends’ gathering. Guess what – he keeps on asking me out and he wouldn’t shut up. I was polite but at some point stopped answering. I am NOT interested. I know all his tricks and they feel so cheap..
    The 3rd guy always liked me and is a good person, and I am just not into him, there’s no hope I ever will be.
    With SmartCD it was different though, he was one of 3 men in my life that I loved. I’m in the angry mood today, so better not start on this.

  358.  #359Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Memulo I believe you better start. You want the anger to bubble up to the surface. You want to pour love all over it. All over yourself.

  359.  #360Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Memulo what I am seeing in your post is serial monogamy. Investing your heart, time and affection in one guy at a time. Putting all your eggs in one basket.

  360.  #361Starla on December 27, 2012 at 8:36 am

    yay it’s memulo

    i asked about you like once every few days, girl:P glad you’re back

    oh man i’m sorry you’re going through the suck-fest with smartcd. we shall call him dumbcd from now on:P?

  361.  #362Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 8:38 am

    As thanks fw!
    Hi memulo!
    I can’t see on my phone sometimes lol

  362.  #363Starla on December 27, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Thank you, Starla, for fixing my vacuum
    Thank you for taking out all my trash
    Thank you for doing the dishes
    Thank you for cleaning the sink in the kitchen
    Thank you for cleaning up the bathroom
    Thank you for chanting sanskrit mantras
    Thank you for typing up parts of the book I’m writing

  363.  #364Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Mercedes that sounds lovely and I agree …. Some family can be challenging to be around but I would not go so far to say they being out the worst in me… In fact that sounds a little bitter and negative to say the least ..
    I would not want to claim that thought or belief.

    My family does drive me crazy sometimes especially my mom and how she is so dysfunctional… I actually blame her for a lot of the stress and tension that goes on in my family.. She helps create it… But what can I do…. I don’t let it “bring out the worst” in me….

  364.  #365Starla on December 27, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Thank you for drinking water
    Thank you for being brave and helping me learn to receive today when my coworkers take me out for my birthday lunch
    Thank you for spending 5-10 minutes to study Reiki to keep it fresh
    Thank you for putting on the Kennedy Honors last night and letting me stand in front of the tv with a big grin on my face during the performances:)

  365.  #366Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 8:44 am

    353 fw how do I let the guy know I’m in control of my feelings…
    I can be emotional and I cry sometimes and I don’t want to be afraid to express that…

  366.  #367Memulo on December 27, 2012 at 8:58 am


    You made me smile;) I didn’t follow the blog, I was too busy being hurt and angry and keeping my head above all this. I don’t know what I was doing.. I was wounded. I felt so small I didn’t see myself in the mirror;)
    Yes, thank you FW, serial monogamy is tough on you. Though my current drCD already removed his online profile without me asking and said he will do exclusivity with me and see where it would take us. He did not say I should do it too btw, just shared that he is doing it.
    The problem is – I was with SmartCD ( or dumbcd – thanks Starla!) for a reason. I was crazy about him.

  367.  #368Memulo on December 27, 2012 at 9:04 am


    How’s QZ doing? Are you dating? Are you friends?

  368.  #369Indigo on December 27, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Reading the blog makes me feel calm when I feel tumbley inside. It’s amazing.

    Thank you all for sharing.

    I feel amazed at myself for my progress.

  369.  #370Starla on December 27, 2012 at 9:11 am

    I am feeling a little uneasy about QZ today because I thought surely he would be asking me out for the weekend, but I’m letting go of expectations and making a point of learning to fill up my mental space with MYSELF, not men. ugh. irritated with the whole song and dance of worrying.

  370.  #371Mercedes on December 27, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Emerson: I think what you said is the key to flipping that around regardless of how our families are: “I donโ€™t let it โ€œbring out the worstโ€ in meโ€ฆ”

    I love that. Because we can’t control other people’s actions, we can only control our own reactions to it all.

    But I did like Mike’s ideas for what to talk about (and what not to talk about) when the family gets together. ๐Ÿ™‚ Humorous take on how families can sometimes be when too many get together all in the same room. LOL.

    I have my share of dysfunction in my family, that’s for sure but I agree with you so much. I do not let them bring out the worst in me….

    Much Love,

  371.  #372Starla on December 27, 2012 at 9:15 am

    My family asked me when i was going to get married. they were joking — asking because they know it’s obnoxious.

    i answered that i wasn’t ready to give up one night stands with men i meet at the bar just yet.

  372.  #373Memulo on December 27, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Starla, there’s still time to ask you out for the weekend?

  373.  #374Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 9:34 am

    My neices said “says the woman without a man”. It felt a bit triggering because one cousin kept repeating about the last time I went home connected to my last engagement. Yet I was able to smile through it and switch to feeling comfortable. There were many of us there and we had fun. Fun reminiscing, taking pictures and just sharing love with each other. For the most part these days when we get together my family gatherings are like this. Sitting in a warm comfy room, chit chatting, eating or dancing. This Christmas felt really great as my parents decided to come with us for the first time in a couple of years. Though my father said he can’t do these types of parties much any more because it affects the beating rhythm of his heart.

  374.  #375Starla on December 27, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Sure, Memulo. I’ve got nothing going on Sunday. It’s wide open.

  375.  #376Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Would you feel comfortable sharing the reason Memulo? Just know that people play roles with each other and knowing the roles we play can help us change our patterns.

  376.  #377Memulo on December 27, 2012 at 10:05 am


    He is brilliantly smart, worldly, open minded. He grew up in an academic family just like me, so we had the same attitude to a lot of things and life in general. He used to be super successful, but he is modest and doesn’t take himself very seriously. I used to think he was very honest and kind, but apparently he lied in my face, manipulated and upgraded me to a better model and forgot to tell me, so not sure about that. He could be a lot of fun to be with, we seemed to share the same values, so now he is sharing them with someone else. I don’t know, it felt that he could fly and felt right flying with him. With my drCD I could do a lot of things but flying is not one of them. I shouldn’t start on this, it only makes me feel like a loser. How dumb can he be if he replaced me with a younger wealthier girl? Seriously

  377.  #378Smile on December 27, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Eek I just delivered my no dates at houses and no sex speech!!!
    I love my velvet hammer!

  378.  #379Smile on December 27, 2012 at 10:13 am

    I feel a bit nervous! I was so comfy with the no sex part but I put in about keeping my options open whilst getting to know each other. After all we’ve only been on 2 dates!

  379.  #380Smile on December 27, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Starla, 369 love it!

  380.  #381Jilly on December 27, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Starla…I can’t believe how much you have transformed since I’ve “known” you!! It feels so inspiring and sparkly. ๐Ÿ™‚

  381.  #382Smile on December 27, 2012 at 10:21 am

    I feel all butterflies fluttering through my body. It the thought of dating 2 men still. But I want to keep my options open. I want to be honest.

    I’m going to make myself look pretty for my eve with friends.

  382.  #383Jilly on December 27, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Well…I have some big juicy news…

    Rugby Man and I are getting married…and we are having a baby…and we couldn’t be more happy and excited about it!

    Eeek!!! lol

  383.  #384Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Memulo I believe wealth or education does not make for romance. It might enhance it but not create it. Some men look for ideals in women, such as barbies and models. I have several in my life that have kicked themselves in the shins as a result because they realized their mistake when they have to live dumbed down lives. He can be very dumb if that is what he did. He will eventually realize that does not create happiness.

    What I get from your comments though is that you are being hard on yourself. Judging yourself. You can give yourself the qualities that attracted you to him. Believe in yourself and your creativity. I believe success is a natural state of mind and you can open yourself to that. Accumulated wealth is not the only measure of prosperity and success.

    There can be no better model because you are unique. Trust the law of how things are. He will discover that himself. You are not replaceable. He might just have been looking for something else. Or could have judge you as a gold digger because you shared your financial woes. Who knows? It is better early than later, when it is too late. You might have dodged the bullet with that one. You know how much you were questioning yourself, how unsettled he made you feel and how many times you felt lonely and neglected. Was that really what you wanted for the long haul? Remember how you felt about yourself when not in his presence?

  384.  #385Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

    oooooo Jilly!!!!!!

    Congrats congrats ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  385.  #386Mercedes on December 27, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Jilly: Your news is sooooo wonderful! Wishing you (and your love and your precious baby) all the blessing the heavens have to offer!

    Much Love,

  386.  #387Starla on December 27, 2012 at 10:31 am

    wow jilly that is fabulous!

  387.  #388Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Jilly I feel so happy for you it feels like jumping up and down and clapping my hands like a silly little 2 year old.


  388.  #389Memulo on December 27, 2012 at 10:33 am


    Congrats, so happy for you!! Take a good care of yourself re: the baby. It was good from start, wasn’t it;)

  389.  #390Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 10:39 am

    375 smile that is awesome… I feel inspired…yeah velvet hammer! Would you mind sharing what you said in your speech? I feel curious and I may need another script soon lol…

  390.  #391Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Jilly that is great sending many congrats !!!!! :-)))

  391.  #392Jilly on December 27, 2012 at 10:40 am

    (((FW)))) ((((Starla)))) ((((Mercedes)))) ((((Memulo))) Thank you! Thank you!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Yay!!!!! I feel super giggly and smiley.

    Yes Memulo…it felt really good from the very beginning.

  392.  #393Jilly on December 27, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Thanks Emerson!

    I am loving reading about how all of you are attracting financial abundance!!

  393.  #394Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Yes Mercedes his ideas for what to talk about are good ideas.

    Fw the description of your family time is lovely !!

  394.  #395Jilly on December 27, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I’m intending to feel very peaceful, serene and happy during this time. I intend to feel great while I’m pregnant.

    I’ve always kind of worried about how I would handle all the hormones of pregnancy…and I want to change my focus…I intend to focus on feeling good! I actually feel really good right now.

  395.  #396Tereslyn on December 27, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Hey girls, I feel optimistic at the start of a new year coming. I’m trying to CD and an continuing my on/off relationship with long distant man. He continues to call me regularly but doesn’t initiate contact. Why? I don’t usually contact him and haven’t suggested getting together in weeks, but neither has he. Both of us are busy with holidays n kids but I wonder if he misses me. I assume he does cuz he keeps calling me. I really want to see him and I wonder if it comes across as being needy even over the phone. Any suggestions ? I’m planning to purchase modern sirens and I’m hoping that will help with this relationship. Either to get over it or make it work so I get my needs met.

  396.  #397CurvySiren10 on December 27, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Yay Jilly!!!! That is really amazing news! Has me smiling and feeling SO happy for you and Rugby Man!! ๐Ÿ™‚ xoxo

  397.  #398Senior Lady Vibe on December 27, 2012 at 10:48 am

    @gingersky @emerson

    Hi! I’m glad to see you here. You’re going to have a great 2013, don’t you feel the little whispers of winds of change? That’s all good, the mystery of destiny unfolding, so exciting.

    Happy holidays to all sirens, goddesses and divas. I’m going to go read top of thread post and subscribe to the guest blogger’s list.


  398.  #399Smile on December 27, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Wow, jilly!!! Such fabulous news ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel all smiley ๎•

  399.  #400Calypso on December 27, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Holy Cow!

    I just checked online to see how much my paycheck will be when it is deposited into my account tonight and it was $300 more than expected! I got a refund from the gym that I had been going to which was totally unexpected!

    I WONDER where else I can get surprise money ๐Ÿ™‚

  400.  #401Smile on December 27, 2012 at 10:59 am


    I have 2 CDs I needed to deliver it too. Both very different no sex speeches lol.

    1st cd – I haven’t delivered yet but I wrote out my ideas here…
    321: Smile says:

    Sex feels great to me and i need to feel secure first. Iโ€™m looking for a life long relationship and want to know Iโ€™m on the same page as someone first. I feel protective of my heart.

    What do sirens think about this?

    Thursday, 27 December 2012 @ 2:49am

    322: Smile says:

    I donโ€™t want to be seduced by passion, I want to feel relaxed and comfortable to be able to share with a guy what feels good to me. I feel vulnerable saying that.

    Thursday, 27 December 2012 @ 2:56am

    323: Smile says:

    It feels great to take things slow and easily. I donโ€™t feel ready for a sexual relationship yet. When I am I would want to know I was sexually exclusive.

    Thursday, 27 December 2012 @ 3:27am

    Okay the 2nd speech I gave was to cycle cd that I just

    It would feel great to be cooked for and I’m unsure if that will work for me right now. I’m not ready to date at home just yet. It feels better to be taken out and to do something fun.
    I feel a lil off balance because I know we spent the night
    together and it felt great but Iโ€™m not sure Iโ€™m ready for that
    just yet. I donโ€™t want to give my heart away too easily. Sex
    means a lot to me. Iโ€™m looking for a life long relationship and want to keep my options open while I have fun dating and getting to know you.

    Eek this was the cd I did sleep with but now he just wants to stay in and cook. Eek. I don’t feel attached to him whatsoever actually, just feel yuck about Haven’t sex even though I wanted to but didn’t feel able to give the speech at the time. I felt unable to speak in the moment. I know sex will not serve me right now with what I’m looking for.

  401.  #402Smile on December 27, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I doubt if he will text back tonight. But I’m going out so that’s great. I have a date timorrow afternoon after seeing my friend in the morning too.

    I LOVE having my eggs in different baskets for that reason. I shared my wants and needs assertively in a soft way. Now it’s up to him to either be that person or not. Yey!!

  402.  #403Smile on December 27, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Jilly, I’m still excited for you I want to say yey again lol!!

  403.  #404Goodheart on December 27, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Jilly! I am so very happy for you ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel little fireworks going off inside my heart.

    When is the big day (er, both big days :-))

  404.  #405Smile on December 27, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Wow! His response to 398 was amazing! I’m texting on way out. Will come back and share later.

  405.  #406Tam on December 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

    OMG Jilly..amazing!! Congrats!!

  406.  #407Tam on December 27, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Mmmh…Curly has a lot of trouble today….and he called me after it happened, texted me before. I answered nicely but didn’t see the call and just sent a text after an hour.
    I feel quite happy that he is an open sharing kind of guy and not the brooding sort.
    However, hearing about what happened to him temporarily put a dampener on my day and I thought ‘oh no’. Compassion is good but really, I want to be happy. And I had some of my own stuff to deal with also today.
    I did not hear from him again and I feel free and happy to be in a good mood again ๐Ÿ™‚ hehe.
    So I arranged all my furniture and now my little Condo looks amazing and I feel great.
    I will go for a long run later…..aaah.
    I don’t want to get too involved in a man’s personal life when we have only been on a few dates. After we had that little cuddle episode I felt a little attached and a lot of energy came towards me but after the NY eve stuff I now feel a bit ‘meh’…..and more balanced out again. Phew.
    I had to tell RedNeckCD something as to why I don’t want to see him again as he was driving me nuts…there was no opportunity for practicing anything with this one, he was irritating the living daylights out of me, bless him.
    So I just said that I am seeing someone else and am sorry that I don’t feel good meeting him again under the circumstances.
    I really need new CDs….now we have a challenge without the internet. And NoCD has made space for his friend Curly. That’s a bummer!! Ha!

  407.  #408Rori Raye on December 27, 2012 at 11:37 am

    Sirenity, I’ve worked a lot with women in small towns – or big towns like New York where everyone feels it’s hard to meet a good, single man. If you’re getting passed over – please have a professional look over your pic and profile, and try some different dating sites. And please consider moving – and put up a profile that reflects the city you’re thinking of moving to. See how that works. Love, Rori

  408.  #409Shar Lean Way Back on December 27, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Awww Jilly, this is great news. What a lucky man and baby.
    Smile, I like the way you are processing and progressing ๐Ÿ™‚

  409.  #410Tam on December 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Thinking of doing a huge CDing myself moment and going away for the day tomorrow down to the big hip city and visiting a historic property that I have been wanting to visit. 3 hours there and 3 hours back by public transport, but hey, I have the day off and the weekend ahead of me…would be amazing!
    And as it’s a weekday there will be loooooooads of buses.
    Sounds good? i think so!

  410.  #411MovingMagic on December 27, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Good afternoon ladies! I’ve been contemplating the new year, & what I would like to see happen for it. *What changes/continuations would you sirens like to see? I’m feeling inspired. ๐Ÿ™‚

  411.  #412Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Hi slv so great to see you! aww I feel smiley to see your words to me ๐Ÿ™‚

  412.  #413Emerson on December 27, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    410 tam that sounds like so much fun!

    411 hi moving magic well I’m going to dream but and say I want to be married this year or at least planning a wedding … My own wedding!!!

  413.  #414Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    GoodHeart I have been thinking about your proposal since I saw Jilly’s good news. Wanting to ask her about how he proposed.

  414.  #415Daria on December 27, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    im playing the change the room game in the house and it feels so fun!

    my tweak was to not check technology (phone/computer) when getting up… and wow i felt so engaged w the change the room game doing it this way!

  415.  #416Daria on December 27, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Thank you Daria!

  416.  #417Mercedes on December 27, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    MovingMagic: I’m working on my 2014 letter to myself and I don’t yet know what all it will contain. I do feel a “shift” in my career but haven’t really decided how that will look…I have only inspiration and a really positive feeling about it.

    I have no real “resolution” list or anything like that, but I do intend to invite more peace and tranquility into my life with more reading about and learning my art (meditation instruction) and feeling and being in the moment rather than in the future (or worse, in the past).

    I intend to find and focus on my purpose this year. Again, I still don’t know how that will look, but I believe it will be revealed to me this year. I really feel the change coming. It’s different than in the past when I’ve wanted a change. This time, I feel one developing in my heart and manifesting in my life.

    Much Love,

  417.  #418Radlove on December 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm


    267 – “Ok Radlove, let us in on why you are a superhero???!!!

    How is your new biz progressing?”

    LOL, just a moment of silliness! I figure if I imagine I am a super hero, I will function at a higher level and think higher thoughts. My business is going great! i am creating a page for a charity that is a boys home in Uganda so they can find assistance thru my website.

  418.  #419Radlove on December 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm


    308 – Giggling right back at ya! I think like a super hero! I believe like a super hero! I feel like a super hero! I am a super hero! LOL

  419.  #420Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    RadLove I hope it is a superhero with a sidekick partner was what I thought when I saw your comment. Many men think of themselves as superheros who can do it alone.

  420.  #421Turquoise on December 27, 2012 at 1:48 pm


    Sweetie, I am so amazingly, extremely, wonderfully, joyfully happy for you!!!!!!!!

    Much love and best wishes!

  421.  #422Calypso on December 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    I was inspired by my $300 extra in my check today and so i took the time just now to get my tax documents in order – I have everything I need now as soon as I get my W-2 I can file – I WONDER how much I will get back??? A bazillion dollars??? LOL Maybe ๐Ÿ™‚

  422.  #423Calypso on December 27, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    So – For 2013 i am going to be nice to ME. I am going to do simple, nice things that are pleasing to me. I am going to smile more and learn to relax. I am going to be so relaxed that I won’t mind dealing with my financial situation – I will have money flowing to me from every part of the universe and my bills will be paid and I will be able to travel and enjoy life. I will be so relaxed and not stressed about money that I will be able to feel my body becoming more fit – I will enjoy exercise and eating foods that are good for me. I will look and feel lovely.

  423.  #424Daria on December 27, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    “Motivate him by specifically telling him what you want and how it makes you happy. When he does it then do the happy dance” ~ Feminine Woman

    ohhh this feels DING!!! i want to make up a happy dance

    i want to talk about what i want ANNNND HOW IT makes me HAPPY! yay! okay okay


    i want my pussy ate all slow and attentively … it makes me feel so loved and worshipped and happy (*wink @ blog)

    EVEN insert happy dance/ sight/ wiggle here…

    (wiggle bottom is one i have, i read an article about it once)



    i feel all red with embarassment expressing this!


    i feel like i finally have the time to relax and feel safe that the person taking care of me is NOT going to try to take advantage of me or abandon me or move abruptly…


    and im not gonna have to be all in charge awake and monitoring it….


    and it feels sooo relaxing and it makes my pussy want to swell up and expand and feel big and pulsing and wanting to be entered….

    not scared and angry pussy and ๐Ÿ™ sulk w arms crossed no ouchie no feel good ๐Ÿ™

    okay so i feel so uncomfortable

    i feel icky!

    i feel like i just lectured explained just by saying htat


    i feel so sad

    i feel so uncomfortable

    i LOVE all my feelings

    i feel so icky

    i feel ICKY

    i feel like im violating myself by being so open


    i feel sad and icky

    i feel shamy

    i feel not ready not good i feel ick

    well i just realized im 30 and i feel like im 12 or somthing


    i feel uncomfortable right now


    i want everyone to go away

    i want to tiger swipe everyone

    i did not expect to feel this vulnerable

    omg fuchkin god

    i feel like im a pornstar living my sexuality out in public this way


    that feels muy exciting actually


    im soo edgy


    *edgy* lol

    how cute

    Rori uses that word

    i dont

    im in luuuvvv w Rori

    she is so awesome and safe and i just ADORRREEE her

    and i would feel safe and good

    and i want to love me and everyone else too

    and i love me

    im so cool and interesting and like riding on a dragon down a mountain gorge



    im cooolio

    actually all women are very coolio

    and even men are coolio

    and trees?

    trees are cool tooooooooooooooooo

    ok i feel bored

    now im gonna ……

    what was i doing?

    designigng a hpapy dance

    another one i like is looking in the eyes and shaking my fisssts by my head while smiling

    i feel so vulnerable making eye contact tho!


    rolls my eyes

  424.  #425Daria on December 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    mmm it want help arranging my clothes in my room in all those boxes… that woudl make me feel so free and dancing and expanded and amazing and soft… mmmm

    flowy like spring water sooo happy

    {insert happy dance – try a few diff ones and acall out *Happy Dance* }

  425.  #426Daria on December 27, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    POWER TOOL – Have a *Happy Dance*

  426.  #427Daria on December 27, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    you can always pull out a *Happy Dance*

    and who doesn’t want to elicit one?

    and even when feeling uncomfortable… when it’s become second nature… one can rely on a *Happy Dance* to get more of what they want… and can bust it out at will ๐Ÿ™‚

  427.  #428Daria on December 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Im goign to *Happy Dance* whenever i say how awesome something would feel…


    when i receive the awesome feeling stuff…

    woo hoo!

    haha easy i can always do this if im stuck

    whew ๐Ÿ™‚

  428.  #429Daria on December 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I have a new *mannerism*

    i don’t want to forget it

    i will practice it today

  429.  #430Daria on December 27, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    I think Jilly got engaged from these other posts im reading so CONGRATULATIONS!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  430.  #431Daria on December 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I love how men call women lil momma … aww like we’re all mothers athat feels so sweet ๐Ÿ™‚ i feel teary

    you can’t help but remember that *subconsciously

  431.  #432Daria on December 27, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    u fuchk the mommas and out come babies… yay!!!!

    lil mommas ๐Ÿ™‚

    thats always an option is how i think they see it…


    how cute

    then they could be *queens*

    how cute does that look with asterixes***

    ohhhi really like that it looks like a crown



    i love it

    i ffeell all eccited

  432.  #433Violette on December 27, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Whew…I’m afraid, overwhelmed. Dating three guys now, and it’s new, and it’s going well with all of them I think…

    J told me he wants to try sexual exclusivity so we’re sleeping together, but I feel nervous about it now. Like…well now I can’t sleep with the other two guys I’m dating!!

    One of them, C, is so sweet, picked me up from the airport and drives me all over town and spending NYE with me…always booking me well in advance.

    The other one, D, is a little newer, we’re going on our 3rd date tonight, and man do I want to sleep with him!

    I wish I could sleep with all of them. And haven’t seen J since before Christmas and haven’t heard from him yet and wonder if I’ve made a mistake putting my sexual eggs in that basket…not so sure he’s going to step up for me.

    Oh, and his bday came and went and I didn’t call him. I wonder if he’s mad. He didn’t mention anything about it, I just remember he’d said when his bday was when we first met.

    I know all this is good for me. It’s teaching me to put my own well being first, which is really really hard with dating I’m finding! But I am figuring it out, little by little. And going on some seriously fun dates in the process (:

  433.  #434Daria on December 27, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Memulo – dang girl he does sound awesome. Guy who was like that too. i feel my eyes tearing up. it was such a great fit! well the thing is i did learn something i didnt even know i could which is all this rori stuff and therefore i feel way powerful romantically. and i do think i will meet another man that is really awesome and know to keep him better now maybe lots of them. im actually starting to get *almost perfect models* in now…

  434.  #435Daria on December 27, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Jilly – i finally saw your post! wow Super Congratulations ๐Ÿ™‚

  435.  #436Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Violette – how awesome can you be. woohoo

  436.  #437Sassy on December 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Congrats, Jilly!!!
    Love, light, happiness and heart warmth.

    Now we have two mommys-to-be on the blog! Good stuff

  437.  #438Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    thank you Daria for thinking *happy Dance* after i got off the phone w Scorpio CD

    next time i feel excited… or soon… i will be saying it to him …

  438.  #439Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Violette – “Itโ€™s teaching me to put my own well being first, which is really really hard with dating Iโ€™m finding! But I am figuring it out, little by little.”

    hell yeah that shit is HARD! thats why im always saying people have to actualy practice

    woo h… this is where im at too ๐Ÿ™‚

  439.  #440Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    This year after solstice feels so awesome!

    i feel a something developing from inside of me too Mercedes!

    omgosh it IS diff than grabbing on to a rope and pulling myself to it

    it feels like its just a wave moving through me a lotus unfolding

  440.  #441Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    im feeling SO good reading everyones’ posts ๐Ÿ™‚

  441.  #442Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    I want a dildo! i wonder if a CD will get one for me!

  442.  #443Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    im listening to Rori talk about * masturbation

  443.  #444Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    i want to practice passionate kissing

  444.  #445Karen on December 27, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    Hi Rory,

    I’m writing chronicals of my “relationship” life which I would like to publish one day. I’m using some of your words of wisdom and one of the topics I’m writing about is chemistry. Can you give me some insight on this mystery, as I call it.

    Lots of thanks and peace to you in the new year. I’m hoping we can collaberate on some ideas.

  445.  #446Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    im so excited to be in charge of myself now!

    clap clap clap clap

    Happy Dance

  446.  #447Daria on December 27, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    im feelin poetic

  447.  #448Daria on December 27, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    thsnk u daria for finding that magical way to roll your head

  448.  #449Daria on December 27, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    omgosh im watching this Tony Robbins thing and i imagined being in the car w my friends which was a peak moment of feel so good for me

    and i felt my heart from belly thru neck open up like the universe all pulsing and tingling

    and it felt sooo good

    and i just kept that position and imaginging me there ( i did not have *negative memories* ) interfering

    and it felt so good to have that FEELING go thru my body


    sometiems when i feel *lonely*

    my heart wants to feel a sensation like that
    and i can give myself that



    and its not *lonely* its *heartsad*


  449.  #450Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Daria do you realize there is a new thread up?

  450.  #451Femininewoman on December 27, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    Karen this is an email I received about Chemistry vs Intimacy

    If you’re deep into that hot, juicy, scary and sometimes painful thing with a man we all call “chemistry” – but what you REALLY want is INTIMACY with him – this tip will help you:
    Chemistry is a trick.
    It fools you.
    Chemistry is about…well, chemicals.
    They hit your nose, and the cells of your body, and they remind you of things long ago and turn you on.
    They make you think you’ve hit the “one.”
    They make you want to take him home.
    They make you want to open up your heart, body and soul to him, with him.
    And it makes you want to trust your feelings that this is true.
    Intimacy, on the other hand – is slow growing.
    It makes you bump up, time and time again, against your old habits, stale patterns, your beliefs that have gotten you through life up to this point.
    Intimacy challenges your heart, mind, body and soul to rethink themselves.
    Intimacy – when you create it, and when a man can do it, and when you feel it – opens up ALL the cells of your heart, mind, body and soul to a relationship with a man.
    * Chemistry makes us want to merge with a man.
    Intimacy makes us want to share with him.
    * Chemistry makes us want to get from a man.
    Intimacy makes us want to receive from him.
    * Chemistry makes us want to give to a man to get from him.
    Intimacy makes us want to give back to him because we’re already so filled up.
    * Chemistry makes us want to make something happen with a man.
    Intimacy makes us want to create with him.
    * Chemistry makes us feel afraid.
    Intimacy makes us feel secure.
    * Chemistry makes us feel we love.
    Intimacy makes us feel loved.
    If you’re with a man – you get to practice intimacy on him, using these tools.
    And what if there IS no man right now? Then it’s all about beginning to create intimacy with every human being you meet.
    In a sense, what this tool helps you do is practice INTIMACY with everyone you meet, and – most importantly – intimacy with yourself!
    So, whether or not you’re “in” a relationship, you can be Circular Dating.
    And as you Circular Date (essentially simply practicing the tools of speaking as my Love Scripts program teaches you), you’ll begin to find that “intimacy” is about your intimacy with YOU much of the time!
    It’s the question: “How can I feel sexy, or lovely, or desirable, or “intimate” if there’s no man here to feel that with?”
    And the answer – if you really ask yourself – has to be: All this has to happen inside ME, first.
    Love has to circulate in your OWN inner system before you can fully experience it in relationship with the world – otherwise what happens is:
    We intellectually take in that there’s a man, in relationship with us.
    We think our way through it, we experience the physical aspects of it to some degree, we experience emotionality to some degree, but all the depth, all of the REAL experience just slips by us.
    We make assumptions about what’s going on. About who we are, about who he is, and about what this is supposed to look like.
    We ignore inner voices that are telling us that this is all for US to “make up” however we wish to “make it up” – and steadfastly choose to see things as we always have.
    We assume that a lack of “chemistry” at the beginning of knowing a man means “love” isn’t possible.
    We assume “true love” is what it’s like in the movies, without considering that perhaps it looks and feels completely different in OUR real life.
    We are more impressed by a feeling of yearning inside us than a feeling of contentment.
    We judge all kinds of things, and the more power we give to our image of a man, the less power we give ourselves to feel, organically, what feels right for us – instead of what we “think” is right for us.
    Intimacy is where it’s at – so how can you FEEL a sense of intimacy when there’s no man in your life at the moment, or the man in your life just doesn’t feel emotionally intimate to you?
    For me it starts with feeling intimate with ME – where I’m hearing all the voices inside me and not ignoring any of them.
    In my new program – Love Scripts – I give you the exact WAY to speak to a man. To say ANYTHING to him – no matter how delicate the subject, or how scared you feel.
    Because intimacy depends upon you sharing exactly who you are – which means sharing exactly how you feel no matter how “ugly” you believe those feelings to be. It all starts with being truthful with YOU.
    So, the scripts in Love Scripts work two ways:
    1. They give you the words and body language you need – in a really practical and doable way – to communicate who you are and how you’re feeling to a man no matter what’s going on.
    And these words and body language are scripted to bring a man CLOSER to you emotionally – and therefore create more intimacy between you.
    2. The scripts steer you inside yourself to find out more about you so you CAN share who you are with a man!
    In other words – you have to feel what you feel and know what you feel and be able to put words to what you feel in order to really talk with and be with a man in an intimate way.
    This is going to begin the process of creating intimacy for your relationship with a man – and “chemistry” too! – by creating intimacy between You and You.
    You can start watching Love Scripts right here online – whether you’re dating and looking for Mr. Right, or you’re already in a relationship. Either way, you’ll learn how to create the kind of intimacy that makes you feel safe, heard, and loved:
    As you practice the tools in this letter, and the Scripts in Love Scripts, please let me know how it’s all working for you.
    Sometimes, all it takes is days for these scripts to work on the outside, in your dialogues with a man – and on the inside, in your dialogues with YOURSELF.
    Once you learn how to speak to a man in this new “language,” everything in your life will shift toward more love – and you’ll never want to go back!
    Love, Rori

  451.  #452Estrela on December 27, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    I did feel triggered by my family. I’ve grown up in a really judgmental family, and now I feel like I’m the most judgmental of them all. Also, I had my boyfriend, Beto, with me to meet my family for the holidays. He thinks my family is weird and made some offensive commentsg about all of them. I felt uncomfortable around him and my family because I can tell he disapproves of them. And I am torn between getting his approval or accepting my family. I have felt strange in this relationship from the beginning. We jumped into it. And now I finally, finally understand why I need to wait to get involved with a man. He and I have upcoming vacations planned, but I am not even sure if I want to continue seeing him, because I don’t know that we’re right for each other. I’ve seen things about how he handles finances, what he really thinks about having a family, how good his Spanish truly is (which is no bueno– and he told me when we first started dating that he was fluent) lol. And although he’s a manly man- he works out a lot, he hunts, etc., he asks me to pay at least half of everything even though he makes six figures and I’m a poor college student. Anyway, I just feel bummed out that I might have to end yet another relationship (3rd one this year) because I jumped in too soon. I don’t know if we can work out our differences or if it’s better to say adios right now.

    Memulo, my current BF was my “smart guy.” He also refers to us as being the same age, although I am 10 1/2 years younger than him. He’s really self-absorbed and honestly, Mem, guys like this don’t deserve us which may be why they disappear. Even though they have charm and charisma, they lack the ability to connect (I’m speaking about my experience anyway.) I truly believe what Rori says that when you are with the right guy, you can’t mess it up, because he will recognize you for who you are.

  452.  #453Rori Raye on December 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Welcome Estrela, and you sound wonderful. I encourage you to follow these instincts you have. At your age – having “boyfriends” is good practice, and yet, Circular Dating will help you work your way through your attractions that aren’t working for you, and ramp up the ones that will pay off for you. Love, Rori

  453.  #454Estrela on December 28, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Thank you, Rori. I have your CD’s on circular dating, and I need to go back to listening to them. I want to get out of the boyfriend zone and into the finding the one zone. I’m actually in grad school right now, and am in my early 30’s, so definitely not young enough to waste my time with Mr Wrong. I would like a family, but I want to make sure I’m with the right guy. The guy I am currently dating has a lot of good qualities: he likes to cook for me, he’s funny, he’s good looking, he’s athletic. However, he doesn’t like my family, which makes me feel sad and a little torn, and also, he’s 42 and absolutely broke and has credit card debt. The man has nothing to his name but debt yet he makes six figures. I just don’t know if this is me being superficial or a “gold-digger” to want a guy with financial stability. I certainly don’t have financial stability. I’m in grad school to become a Speech Pathologist, but I’m in my early 30’s and have always been careful with money. I don’t see how we’d have a family anytime soon, not to mention the fact that I don’t think he really wants one. A family would take out too much of his time at the gym lol. I just feel afraid to end a relationship if perhaps it can be saved…
    Thank you for reading!

  454.  #455Queenbee on December 29, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Congratulations Jilly! I feel so happy for you. It’s feels so lovely to drop in on Siren Island and find such great news. Wishing you all the happiness in the world!


  455.  #456Radlove on December 30, 2012 at 7:31 am


    Welcome! If a man is making 6 figures and has nothing but debt, your concern is not about being a gold digger…your concern is about this man having zero money management skills! Major red flag!

    Through Rori’s tools and the women on this blog, I have learned feeling messages for when a man wants me to pay half: “I feel more like a girly girl when a man takes care of paying.” That is just one example of what you could say.

  456.  #457Radlove on December 30, 2012 at 7:34 am


    420 – “RadLove I hope it is a superhero with a sidekick partner was what I thought when I saw your comment. Many men think of themselves as superheros who can do it alone.”

    I like that! I far prefer that! And until I get my partner, God is my sidekick, or, I am His sidekick!

  457.  #458NewfMom on December 31, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Happy New Year, all. I have to write a short note to thank Rori for helping me get my “siren” back. I had it as a young woman, but two failed marriages made me forget who I was – a beautiful woman worthy of a man’s devotion.

    I am now in a beautiful budding relationship (I’m still circular dating, however) with a man who did a 180 once I learned to open my heart, lean back and let him row the boat. He went from commitment-phobe to telling me that he loves me with all his heart and that he wants me in his life for a “very long time.”

    I don’t have the hardware (ring), and I don’t know if that will happen with him. But, he knows that I want to be married (not necessarily to him) and won’t tolerate waiting for him to step up to the plate.

    I now have the confidence I hadn’t had for many years. I have hope that 2013 will be my “Year of the Siren.”

    I can’t thank you enough!

  458.  #459Tereana on January 3, 2013 at 9:40 am

    k2012 #294 – Thanks!

    And Emerson – Thanks for the validation about my gut! It’s really tough, because that guy can draw me in sometimes and get me to “engage.” But in the end, I never enjoy it.

    And btw, in that post about visiting my old house, I meant to write “following my *gut*” not “following my guy.” Lol. There was no guy there to follow ; )

    NewFMom – That sounds great! Hope good things happen for all of us in 2013!


  459.  #460Estrela on January 3, 2013 at 10:07 am

    Hi Radlove (456),

    I appreciate your response to my dilemma, and I agree that someone who is 42 and earning six figures but has only debt has some major money issues.

    I have been thinking about getting Rori’s scripts to use. I don’t want to sound like I’m echoing someone else’s sentiments on dating. My dilemma is that I am not sure if I should expect a guy to pay. I have to know why I should expect that…I mean, it feels really good to me, and I have dated two men before who absolutely insisted on paying 100% of the time and it made me feel like a queen. But I am also worried that maybe in the back of my mind is the belief that I can’t take care of myself and that I need a man to do that for me. I want to make sure that I am coming at this with the right perspective. Does that make sense?

  460.  #461NewfMom on January 3, 2013 at 10:22 am

    Tereana – thanks so much! I do hope that we all see our lives turn around this year!

    Estrela – I used ot have the same thought about paying for dates. I thought I needed to show I could “pull my own weight.” I also didn’t want a man to think that I owed him because he bought dinner. It took a lot for me to understand that the reason we want the man to pay is the level of effort (LOE) we should be putting toward a man. That LOE should be low – especially if we’re CDing.

    I have come to realize through Rori’s programs that I don’t need to prove anything to a man. And if a man thinks I owe him just for the price of a meal, he can go pound sand. ๐Ÿ˜‰ All of the men I date pay for the date – even my main guy. And none of them have complained or asked why I don’t contribute.

    Please do get the program for scripts – both of them, not just one or the other. They are both of great value and I refer to them regularly to help me stay in my feelings, not in my head.

    Best of luck!

  461.  #462Estrela on January 3, 2013 at 10:31 am

    In dating, I am still trying to figure out what feels best to me. I committed to this guy too soon, mostly because I wanted an intimate, monogomous relationship, and now I almost feel compelled to keep the relationship going because I have been itimate with him. Wow, just writing this has helped me to see that.
    I just don’t know how to talk to this guy about how I’m feeling- that it doesn’t feel good to me to buy half the groceries when we cook together. And that I feel concerned about his money issues. I don’t know how to say these things without coming off as entitled. I just wish I could find a man like one of my previous boyfriends who were always happy to take me out and never did any of it begrudgingly. Also, with the two programs of Scripts, do they come in cd’s as well? The sound on my laptop is crappy, and I’d rather listen to the cd’s on my commute to work or something…

  462.  #463Femininewoman on January 3, 2013 at 10:46 am

    RE 460 – Estrela: a man paying for a date is the romantic norm. It feels good to you because it unconsciously triggers your feelings of femininity when he operates from his provider/protective masculine role. As little girls we grow up experience our dads teaching us that men provide. It is the natuiral role in nature any species of living things for the male to provide.

  463.  #464Estrela on January 5, 2013 at 11:52 am

    What about other financial situations with men?

    My current boyfriend (who I am going to break up with this weekend if I get the nerve because we are just not right for each other- we want very different things– anyway this is for another post) but he has paid for most dates, but sometimes I’ve offered to make dinner or pick up take out food. Now though he’ll call me when I’m on my way over to his house and ask me to buy take out for our dinner. This would bug me even if I wasn’t on a tight budget, especially in the beginning of a relationship.
    I am not sure what to contribute in the beginning of a relationship, when you’re committed, and then when you’re married. I know Rori talks a lot about using feeling messages. Are there any other financial coaches out there that can help with figuring out the financial side of a relationship?