3 Things To Know About Men That Will Make Dating And Relationships A Lot Easier

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Here’s a great guest post from my friend Shana James:

Walking into a café, bar or party, my mind often buzzes with questions about myself. Am I dressed okay? Am I as radiant as the other women here? Will men pay attention to me? At this point, I don’t take these thoughts too seriously.  A few years ago they sometimes paralyzed me. I felt nervous and anxious.

But guess what? The men I coached today told me the same thing happens for them! It is such a privilege to be let into hundreds of men’s insecurities and vulnerabilities. And so you know, I haven’t yet met a man who doesn’t have them. It’s so easy to think you’re the only one who is nervous, but it’s not true.

So, that’s the 1st thing to know about men.

1. Men are human too!

Men get scared. They have emotions. They doubt themselves. They wonder if they look okay. They compare themselves to the men around them.

There is a little boy inside every man, just as there is a little girl inside every woman, who has been hurt, disappointed, misunderstood and unseen.

Knowing this helps you stop putting men on pedestals. When you remember that men are human too, you can stop trying to hide your emotions and your nervousness.

One fear I often hear from women is – But if he saw that part of me, he wouldn’t want me. Well, no one is perfect. When you accept your idiosyncrasies, men will too! In fact, I’ve often seen men fall in love with women because of them.

So, rather than having your attention on hiding parts of you, be proud of who you are.  I used to feel ashamed that I can be high-strung.  I acted laid back and was afraid a man would run away if he saw the Type A side of my personality. Now I can laugh at it and we can laugh at it together!

Then, take your attention off yourself and get curious about him. Ask him questions about himself. When you ask with appreciation and respect, you make it safe for him to be vulnerable with you. Then you can be human together!

2. Men mean what they say – Read the lines rather than only between them

I’ve seen so many situations where a woman, after an extended length of time, is frustrated because a man isn’t willing to commit.

I often ask – what did he say he wanted in the beginning? And the reply is usually – “Nothing serious. He wanted to date, but didn’t want a committed relationship.”

Then that’s quickly followed by, “But he calls me every day.” Or “But he acts like he wants commitment. He always wants to spend time with me.”

Since relationship is of the utmost importance to me, I’ve changed my mind in the past when I said I wanted to be single and an amazing man came along. I’ve seen other women do this too! But It tends to be different for men.

When I asked an Authentic Man Program facilitator about this, he said, “Men are more consistent than you think. While there may be something between the lines, definitely read the lines!”

If a man tells you something that’s true for him, but you don’t want to believe it, and you continue to move ahead with that relationship, you are likely to get hurt. If a man tells you he’s not ready for relationship, believe him! Take care of yourself and don’t give your heart to a man who doesn’t want what you want!

There is an art to inspiring a man to commit to you, but you have to start from honoring his truth, rather than disregarding it and hoping it will change!

3.  Men thrive on appreciation and wilt without it

When I appreciate men, I watch them light up. And the opposite is true too. If I go too long without appreciating my man, he feels unseen. (I can relate to this as a woman also!) It can even lead to arguments and resentment.

Start appreciating, out loud, what a man does for you, gives you, says to you, or even gives up for you. Tell him how it impacts you. Does it make your life easier or more enjoyable? It can feel a bit contrived at first, but you can do this authentically.

Just make sure what you’re saying is true. You may have to dig a bit if you’re used to complaining or seeing the negative. But I guarantee that appreciating a man (and you can do this from the very first time you meet) will have him feel inspired to be around you!

Women have a deep desire to know we’re loved. Men have a deep desire to know they’re useful and needed. So let men know how much you appreciate the time and energy he put into what he did for you or gave you, even if it’s not to your satisfaction! If you want it to be different, ask for that after, remembering to convey your gratitude, rather than disgust or frustration.

Okay, I said I’d give 3, but it’s hard to stop when there are about 20 more!  Here’s a bonus:

4. Men love variety

A man I know told me a story about a woman he was dating with bright red hair. One day he picked her up and she’d dyed her hair black. He was shocked. He loved her fiery red hair. When he asked her why she did it, she said, “I saw you looking at women with black hair!” When he told me this I yelped, as though I was punched in the stomach. I realized she’d dyed her hair without knowing the whole truth.

Men love variety. If you have blonde hair, you’ll probably find your man looking at brunettes and red heads. If you’re a brunette, he’ll look at blondes and red heads. It’s important to remember that you can’t be everything to a man!

It can be frustrating when a man you’re with looks at other women. And of course there is a need for balance. If he can’t keep his eyes off other women that’s one thing. But most men find lots of women attractive. And it doesn’t always mean he doesn’t want you.

When you can be playful or vulnerable with this, rather than immediately making him wrong, he’ll feel closer to you and grateful that he doesn’t have to put a part of himself in a box. A man not looking at other women’s beauty is like a woman not looking at babies, puppies, or shoes!

Starting to play with your own variety – how you dress, walk, talk and dance – will keep a man enticed! I used to find myself saying “That’s not me,” when I went shopping. And while that can be true, I’m now willing to try things on and expand who I know myself to be!

Now, on some days I bring out my intellectual side. Other days I let my pole dancer come out and shake things up. Still other days I bring out my hippie, earthy side. I now have more facets than I ever thought possible!

To find Shana, go to www.authenticwomanexperience.com

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Men are human

  2.  #2Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 6:55 am

    You may have to dig a bit if you’re used to complaining or seeing the negative.

  3.  #3Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 6:58 am

    A man not looking at other women’s beauty is like a woman not looking at babies, puppies, or shoes.

  4.  #4Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Hi fw

  5.  #5Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 7:33 am

    This was a good article for me to read right before I meet my new POF guy for our first date today at lunch. He will be as nervous as I am . . .

  6.  #6Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 7:35 am

    This article resonates with me because I have not alwys listened to what a man TELLS me and also I have not always been true to myself and my wants and needs. Kinda like a man showed up in my life and told me his terms and I just a accepted it….Wow that feels awful.

  7.  #7Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Also I’m sometimes nervous around poweful men but good remnnder to know they are only human

  8.  #8bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 7:41 am

    i keep feeling sad & bad. my mama told me “don’t beat yourself up. when i look back on my failed marriages, i always think, ‘well, gosh, i could have made that work – if i’d just been as mature at 19 as i am at 62’ but i believe that God has a plan” that made me feel good to hear. thanks, mama

  9.  #9bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 7:42 am

    she also said, “stop crying. it’s dangerous to drive & cry at the same time”

  10.  #10bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 7:44 am

    my mom & dad were telling me last night what it feels like to “get” each other… how it feels to solidly know that you are on the Same Team. how it feels …. how did my dad put it…. he was saying that they share the basic threads of their values, fears, hopes, joys. i felt moved to hear both my parents encouraging me with their story about connected partnership.

  11.  #11bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 7:46 am

    my mama also said she doesn’t ever call it a real “mistake” in her mind. she told me she found out she was pregnant after having broken up with the father – married him anywayz – but what a true joy, as my brother was born. i need & love my brother. even though we rarely talk, & “agree” on very little, i think of him & his wife daily & pray for their kindness & big hearts

  12.  #12Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 7:51 am


  13.  #13Heart on August 23, 2012 at 7:55 am

    Powerful reminded….Awesome Thread….Feeling heart-warmed and thinking about CuddleyGrinch. I miss him now..

  14.  #14Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 7:56 am

    I am practicing saying how I really feel. I’m 44 but I find it sooooo hard. I never want to hurt the other person or make them feel guilty. I just told my friend how bad I felt that she didn’t come over when I was sick last night. I felt so alone and scared with a migraine and throwing up and waiting for her. She called but I couldn’t get to the phone and she thought I was sleeping. It felt good to really say how I felt and I cried a bit. I normally pretend everything is ok not to be demanding or needy.

    Of course the real practice will come with Lionman. I feel like I can’t ask him for anything st the moment. And really I wanted him to look after me last night. But he still hasn’t returned my call and I refuse to call more than once.

    Lionman is super sensitive and has received a lot of criticism in his life. He always feels ‘wrong’ with people. How can I communicate that it feels bad to have my call ignored without adding to the mountain of criticism he is dealing with at present on all fronts. I try to have ‘us’ be a safe positive place. can I have one help with a script? This is a real issue for us. Because he has so much sensitivity the slightest mildest rebuke causes anger and shutdown .

    Maybe so um I feel a bit afraid to say this I don’t want to feel shut out but It feels bad to have my call ignored. You asked me to do something for you I feel happy when u ask me to help with something but feel frustrated when I don’t get the full details and when I ask I am ignored. What can we do to fix this?

    Daria? Any ideas? It’s a tricky one. We are not together right now and I’m trying to give him space to miss me and also keep our interactions really positive and romantic which they are when he initiates wanting to see me. I do appreciate the things he does for me.

  15.  #15bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 8:23 am

    dark horse,

    the word “ignore” to me implies more “blame” or “criticism” than possibly saying something like “it felt lonely to reach out to you & not receive a response”

    what do you think?

  16.  #16Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Dark Horse – If you are not in a relationship with him right now and you are trying to give him space to miss you . . . I’m not sure there is a good way to tell him how you feel about him “Ignoring” your call.

    It feels like you might need to keep that to yourself right now. He does not have to return your call if he doesn’t feel like it. How can you not make it a blamey thing if you mention it?

    Maybe just talk about how sick you felt and how wonderful it is to hear his voice or see him when he does make contact? let him know how comforting his presense is when he does show up and not go back and make him feel bad for not being there last night?

    what do you think?

  17.  #17Heart on August 23, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Dark Horse – I think the best thing for you would be to try to move yourself (emotionally) to a place where You Don’t Feel Bad if he doesn’t return your call.
    That would be Real Change and Real Movement.

  18.  #18Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Perfect! Thank you blooming. Maybe I can just say that. Get rid of everything and just say that line. Maybe I can text it that would be less scary.

    On another note my sweet friend who didn’t come last night just called my local store and had them send round a parcel of ginger ales, soups and nice bread! I was so worried she would feel bad about me saying how I felt and now I feel loved and cared for and not so alone. ((((friend))))

  19.  #19Belle on August 23, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Dark Horse


    I’m new at this and practicing so here’s my amateur feedback:

    “Maybe so um I feel a bit afraid to say this I don’t want to feel shut out but It feels bad to have my call ignored. You asked me to do something for you I feel happy when u ask me to help with something but feel frustrated when I don’t get the full details and when I ask I am ignored. What can we do to fix this? ”

    Claiming your call was ignored steps into blaming and accusing territory.
    Keep the focus on you.
    “It’s so good to hear your voice right now! (or, whatever feels true for you in the moment) I feel scared to tell you this but it felt bad not to hear back from you last night. I was so sick and wanted someone to come take care of me and I felt so disappointed not to hear back from you.”

    Then let him speak.
    It’s not his job to sit by the phone 24-7 and be available to answer the phone on your schedule. He is not your father, it is not his job to caretake or parent you…but you can tell him how you felt and listen. He can’t do anything about last night “now”, it’s over and there’s nothing to ‘fix’.

    The other part of the message I’m interpreting as, “If I do this for you then I expect you to do this for me”…it feels yuk to read and sounds like you are giving to get and not because it’s what you really love and want to be doing in the moment, which isn’t his problem. That’s for you to work out with you. Whatever is going on with that is a separate issue from feeling ignored and sick last night and would be better addressed separately, or in the moment if it happens again. Otherwise it sounds like you are keeping score and ready to dump everything you’ve been keeping inside on him all at once.

  20.  #20bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 8:32 am


  21.  #21bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 8:33 am

    thanks for the hug, emerson : )

  22.  #22Belle on August 23, 2012 at 8:34 am

    feeling geeky and cerebral, other sirens are so succinct 😀

  23.  #23Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 8:37 am

    (((Belle)) Lol ~ You did great – I enjoyed reading your post and agreed with you 🙂

  24.  #24Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Thank you ladies. I guess it triggers me because when I do give him space I never call but he will call me and ask me to do something … After 8 years all our finances are jumbled up. I say yes and then when I call to say you asked me to take care of x how do you want me to proceed (usually a bill that will be timely) then he doesn’t respond and I find it provoking.

    But I agree he certainly doesn’t have to respond if he doesn’t want to. Just seems frustrating as he will pay a fine the longer it goes unpaid.

    I am also trying to steer away from these financial type things. Our romantic interactions are so much better these days with no fighting and financial stuff doesn’t feel very romantic to me.

  25.  #25bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 8:40 am

    my friend reminded me that last time i “broke up” with someone. i had made a list of the ways i love them & the ways i felt it wasn’t working for me.

    i love cd because he is sweet. he listens to me & makes time for me & goes out of his way to do little things that will make me smile. i love him because he takes care of me & wants to spend time with me. i love him because he is fun & funny & i like to play & laugh with him.

    this relationship isn’t working for me, because i’m neglecting my true needs for work & silence & solitude. this relationship isn’t working for me, because i want more flexibility & also a higher level of commitment to physical health & comfort. this relationship isn’t working for me, because i feel fundamentally disconnected – from myself, from cd, from my family, from my friends. this relationship isn’t working for me, because regardless of how much or how little i do, i don’t feel good & “home” with my contributions to our shared domestic life. this relationship isn’t working for me, because i feel continually triggered by the disparities in values & life experience between cd & myself.

  26.  #26bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 8:42 am

    “i could make it work” yes, but that would take my full energy & i don’t have my full energy right now.

    i feel just-born & new & tender & sensitive & “drained”

  27.  #27bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 8:44 am

    i’m feeling so judgmental toward myself as a “weakling” or a “failure”….. hm & i feel inclined toward “logical defense”

  28.  #28Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 8:45 am

    bloom-ing One of Rori’s cornerstone is “choose relationship”. I would look closely at that concept in comparison to where you are now and how you got there.

  29.  #29Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 8:49 am


  30.  #30Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 8:52 am

    10 more minutes until I leave to meet my new POF guy for lunch. I jsut put on some nice smelling lotion on my hands, brushed my hair . . . getting that tingly feeling all over . . .

    I started my cycle last night, so I feel a little out of sorts due to that – pain in my lower back, poants a little tighter than normal, etc. . .

    Here is a wierd question: Do you Sirens believe a man can somehow sense when you are menstruating? I have noticed more than one man act sort of “different” when close to me when I;m on my cycle. Can they smell it in some dark corner of their brains? What impact does it have on them?

  31.  #31bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 8:54 am


  32.  #32bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:00 am


    “choose relationship” — hmmmm….

    this IS where i am continually “stuck”

    but i’m not sure that it would be Authentic for me to Choose This Relationship.

    that is, i am feeling that my “addictions” are hugely “enabled” in this home environment. i’m feeling overwhelmed by Noise, Drama, & Chaos.

    i’m also feeling unsure or even doubtful that my Highest Purpose & my Highest Self are being supported by my partner & my relationship.

    definitely. definitely, definitely i have a LOT of “work” to do with myself. “before” ? i am able to “choose relationship” from a place of personal power….

    what do you think?

    thank you so much for talking with me. i feel so much better to have a space for this & so many incredible women. i feel touched.

  33.  #33Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Hi heart thank you. I wonder what that would look like or how I would get there? If a friend asked me to help them with something and I called to get details and they didn’t call back I would think they were a bit flakey but I wouldn’t go immediately to oh it’s about me they don’t think much of me and they are ignoring me. Hmmm interesting. I guess I immediately hear nvs saying its other women because that has been a problem for us and is one of the reasons we are not together right now ie me saying I cannot see you if you are seeing other women. Right now Lionman is coming back towards me after a break and I’m feeling anxious about my boundaries and taking care of myself. My boundaries have not been good in the past.

  34.  #34Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Blooming I like reading your posts the way they are written is very attractive to me it pulls me in to your world which feels fascinating. I love your mama drying your tears and telling you not to cry and drive its dangerous lol! Mamas! I wanted my mother last night but she lives far away 🙁

    I feel curious to know more about your life purpose ….

  35.  #35bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:11 am

    i feel sad & scared

  36.  #36Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Now my nvs are saying 8 years? Why would he want you after 8 years? He knows all there is to know about you and if he hasn’t married you by now you are stupid to think he ever will. He has to experience you as new! As different! As exciting! Be different! Be new! Be exciting!

    But my little girl says I Am Enough As I Am …. Who I am right now sick and headachy and moany and tired is good enough. I’ll sparkle another day.

  37.  #37Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 9:16 am


    I’ll tell you a secret …. It’s all going to be okay …. XO

  38.  #38bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:20 am

    thank you, dark horse : ))


  39.  #39April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Can anyone tell me the answer/s to this question

    Choose relationship – why?

  40.  #40Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 9:26 am


    I am not suggesting that you choose this relationship. Maybe just review to see if you did choose to be in this relationship in the first place, or if you kinda just feel in it? Going along because it was available. Hindsight is 20/20.

    I believe it will help for next time around so that you first identify what you want, then you will feel compowered to choose. Sometimes we choose just because a hot looking man that causes a stir in our loins is showing some interest in us and “we like him”.

  41.  #41bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:28 am

    what’s my deal ? i want to feel “convincing” & “convinced” – i want Firm Answers.

    i want to feel Good walking away.

    i don’t feel good to stay, because i cannot get rid of the Gut Feeling i have. which goes away from time to time, especially when talking out a trigger with cd, but then it just rises right back up.

    i feel so sad that i can’t Make Myself “choose relationship” with this man….. in a lot of ways, i feel he Chooses Relationship with me…

    but ! my babies & my writing & my creative mish mash of weird activities

  42.  #42Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 9:29 am

    April Rose only you can answer that for yourself. Choosing relationship also embodies giving up a lot of things so only you can answer the why or if you want to question. You can also choose not to.

  43.  #43bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:31 am

    thank you, femininewoman.

    even though “everything was discussed” around “moving in” – i thought that meant that i would have a ring by now. i thought i would feel sure about marriage & commitment to this man.

    ALSO i feel my motivations for moving in were skewed by a faulty fear of “money” “scarcity” – which i didn’t fully allow myself to “see” or “recognize”

    also, i understand now what it is to live with a man. & i feel positive that i will never move in with a man until we are ALREADY married & have ALREADY taken our honeymoon. thank you.

    thank you for the hug. it brought tears to my eyes.

  44.  #44bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:35 am

    mmm what would i “give up” to “choose relationship” with the Right Man ?

    that feels like a yummy question.

    i feel inspired to find a man who is all “cut-open” for me. all talking talking & all quiet.

    i like a bedroom to myself.

    i’m afraid of men.

    i’m afraid of relationships. i’m afraid of failure & rejection & betrayal. i’m afraid of neglect.

    poor girl, she’s so sad (((girl)))

  45.  #45Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 9:38 am

    thought that meant that i would have a ring by now. i thought i would feel sure about marriage & commitment to this man.

    Blooming – these “thoughts” suggest to me that maybe you expected him to kinda read your mind? Maybe he is unsure about your timelines? Does he know what your boundaries are around this? Did you go with the supersized “friendship” hoping he would take it to the altar?

    Sorry to be your inquisitor. Just know all I am suggesting is that you sink into yourself to get the answers to these questions. No need to post them here. Just be your own observer/witness.

  46.  #46bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:39 am

    i’m going to be ok.

    i’m not always scared of men. i’m not always scared of commitment.

    i have always felt afraid of rejection & betrayal – & that doesn’t have anything to do with The Men

    i’m a woman – but i’m not necessarily “gendered” because of my body – i’m feminine-spirited. i feel best in a lean-back, open-hearted, vulnerable position

    i’m not “oppressed” by my desire for a man, for babies, for a hop-hop kitchen, for blankets, for knitting needles, for reams of fabric & paper.

  47.  #47bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:40 am

    no no no femininewoman, the opposite.

    we moved in with the intention of being married.

    a couple months ago, he said, well i would propose to you, but i feel unsure what your response would be. i told him, yes, i feel unsure & i would say no – gentle smile – & he said, please let me know when you’re ready.

    i’m not ready.

  48.  #48Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 9:41 am

    You give up sleeping by yourself
    You give up making decisions by yourself
    You give up going off on your own with noone to answer to.
    You give up spending all your money on whatever you want, whenever you want.

    There is a lot you give up/tradeoffs to create harmony in a partnership.

  49.  #49bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:42 am

    aw i’m shaking crying frowny wiggly mouth

  50.  #50Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 9:43 am

    I believe he feels the turmoil going on inside you because of the trapped energy. How could he ask you to mary him while all this is there?

  51.  #51Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 9:45 am


    It is better to deal with the doubts sooner, than later.

  52.  #52April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 9:47 am

    I don’t want to give up those things.

    Oh, except the one about decisions. I would gladly share decision making with a man I trust.

    (And the money one doesn’t really apply cos I’ve got none!)

  53.  #53April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I love sleeping by myself.

    I love going off on adventures and no-one else in the world knowing where I am.

  54.  #54Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Hello Sirens!!

    My time with R last night couldn’t have gone better!! I feel so happy!! We went to a parking lot where I used to run my dogs when I lived in R’s area and talked about 2009 and all the negative stuff that went on between us.

    At first he was reluctant. He said, “I am afraid you’ll snap out in anger and I don’t want to deal with it.”

    I said (not for the first time), “I have gone thru some deep emotional healing and training in relationship skills and I am not going to yell or get angry. Have you noticed how much easier I am to get along with this year compared to 2009?”

    And he acknowledged that. We just scratched the surface before he said, “Well, we can revisit this from time to time, but I think we have talked about it enough for tonight.” I know he can’t handle much stress with his schizophrenia, so I said, “ok.”

    But what we covered was totally fine, and I took responsibility for my end of the negative interactions and discussed how I felt at different junctures. He said, “I mainly want to clear my name, that I would never do those things you had accused me of in 2009.”

    I said, “We would need to break it down moment by moment, using my detailed journals from 2009. But that overall, I acknowledge that the painful stuff that happened to me was very real, but that I believe it was schizophrenia related, not from you yourself. I believe you have a very tender, caring heart, and you are my favorite person in the world, and you are my best friend.”

    As we were walking back to the car, I said, “I left the keys on the bench.”

    As I was walking back for the keys, he called out, “B______!” I turned around, and he said, “Can I have a hug?”

    Sigh! I know I was supposed to melt, but what I did in that moment of joy was to drop my journal papers on the sidewalk, and I hugged him tightly. He hugged me with a lot of rubbing his hands on my back.

    It was like 2009 again, the good times, before it got confusing and horrible. Except this time it was a time-tested friendship with trust, and really knowing each other. We hung out at a diner and later at a park near his house, just sitting in the car listening to music and talking. We were together almost 5 hours.

    I felt wonderful, and I’m flying high today! He said, “if you lived closer again, it would be easier to just hang out, because there’s not that one hour drive each way.” It’s about the 4th time he’s hinted about wanting me to move back.

    It isn’t only that…I WANT to move back. All my friends and family are there. So I am praying and thinking about moving “home” when my lease ends at the end of October. I don’t know yet what will happen. I do know that I need to organize my house.

    So I decided overnight that I will start organizing into boxes! And if I end up moving, great. If not, I will at least be organized and will have sorted things and gotten rid of clutter. So it will be no time wasted.

    What was also significant to me is R said, “Other women in the past always fell away…at some point, usually sooner than later, I would call a woman I was interested in, and she would just not answer or something would happen that I would never see her again. So I know that something about the schizophrenia turns women off, even though I am not aware of it.”

    So I think it was really meaningful to him that I have just never walked away. Near the end of our date, we were talking about the love of God. I said, “My reason for living is that nothing can separate me from the love of God. And that is what I am all about: unconditional, unfailing love.”

    Of course I said a lot more than that on unconditional love. He looked real emotional, and I sensed something really touched him. I mean, he looked like he was about to cry. Right after that he ended the date and gave me another brief car-hug, quickly leaving the car and walking home.

    This is a testimony to how well Rori’s tools work, and for me, it is the reconciling of the relationship that means more to me than anything else on earth.

  55.  #55Heart on August 23, 2012 at 9:50 am

    #33 – Hi Dark Horse – I think Sinking into yourself and feelinh your feelings and voicing them (in your head or outlouf or on paper) is a Great method to starting the shift…and if the NV acts up just do as Rori suggests and tell it thanks for sharing Bye Bye.

    Do it all the time…take breaks when your emotions start acting up and Sink into them….do that Drop to the floor thing.
    You will become so Curious about yourself and it will help alot. Start now…:)

  56.  #56MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 9:50 am


    G told me flat out he can smell it even though I use tampons and baby wipes while cycling.

    I said ” I don’t believe you!” and he said “ok believe whatever you want but I can smell it.” me: “ok well…Is it gross? is it a bothersome smell?” him “not at all! you just smell different than usual.”

  57.  #57Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 9:50 am

    April Rose,

    53 – Me Toooooo!!! I have always done that, all my life!

  58.  #58April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 9:52 am

    WM and I always had separate bedrooms. Does that mean we weren’t in relationship? I do wonder about this.

    He can go to bed angry sometimes. I would feel so powerless and afraid if my only bed was the shared bed.

    I’m starting to think that a relationship is some kind of ordeal.

  59.  #59bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:52 am

    i only want 1 husband.

  60.  #60Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 9:52 am

    I like reams of fabric and paper … And I have piles of knitting needles and hand dyed wool I have a little room in my little cottage that is my little studio it has a big chair in it for thinking. It has a big avacado plant in there too. I swear since I started meditating in tht chair tht plant started blooming like crazy! It has tons of brightly looked leaves not jut green. It talks to me and waves it’s leaves gently to me it knows when I am nearby.

    Choosing relationship when I think of livin with Lionman I feel anxious he is the messiest person I have ever met! Lol! We would havto hav a cleaning person to tidy up or it would be my full time job! I used to do it but I don’t anymore since i discovered rori and leaning back. Unless it gives me pleasure which sometimes it does to do small things for him. I was a major over functioner.

  61.  #61April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 9:57 am

    I am going to ask Rori at the next teleclass “Why choose relationship?”

  62.  #62bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:57 am

    “St. John “enlists” Jane to join his band of Christian mercenaries. He wants a wife he can “influence efficiently” and “retain absolutely,” rather than someone he loves. Marriage to St. John would traumatically erase Jane’s identity and douse her passions for life.” cliffs notes interpretation

  63.  #63Heart on August 23, 2012 at 9:57 am

    #36 (((Dark Horse)))

  64.  #64bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

    dark horse, your cottage sounds like a magical place : )

  65.  #65MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 9:58 am


    Your post felt happy but also heavy. Gosh these things are tough, yet good. Conflicting sometimes.

    I have to say again how inspiring your shift has been!


  66.  #66Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Thank you heart, super helpful. I’m not sure I willbe good at it but I want to try!

    Radlove I feel very happy for you at how well last night went. And I love how that positive exchange inspires you and gives you energy and momentum for other parts of your life.

  67.  #67bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 10:00 am

    “I think you will be natural with me, as I find it impossible to be conventional with you; and then your looks and movements will have more vivacity and variety than they dare offer now. I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of a cage: a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would soar cloud-high.” – mr. rochester

  68.  #68Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 10:01 am

    April Rose I hope you will share the answer.

  69.  #69April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:04 am

    I will indeed, Femininewoman

  70.  #70bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 10:06 am


  71.  #71April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:07 am

    In the meantime I am trying to come up with my own reasons.
    Reasons …hmmm….it will be a feeling thing….sometimes I can’t bear to be without WM

    But I am committing to myself and to my inner girl, and to making sure she is cared for….

    I need my inner boy to fiercely make space and silence for her A LOT.

  72.  #72Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Calypso and Miss Stix,

    30 and 56 – One man told me he can smell it, and that he has an extra sensitive sense of smell. So I think some men can and some men can’t.

  73.  #73Miss Bells on August 23, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Working out this moving thing with HS.
    Me: “I felt really rejected this summer with all that went on. I don’t want to feel that way. I only want to be around you when the switch is on–and I know you can make that happen. What do you think?”
    Him: “I don’t disagree”
    He says he will miss me. I say–then you’ll do something about it.
    But I don’t really like that response–It seems directive. I wish I had something better to say.

  74.  #74Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 10:09 am

    I understand she encourages women to clear out a drawer for a man as a signal to the Universe you are choosing relationship. I have also taken out pictures of nieces, nephews, family/friends from my bedroom as a result of stuff I have on a cde with her.
    As I understand it, many women are resistant to doing that kind of stuff.

  75.  #75April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:11 am

    “I’ll miss you too”

  76.  #76April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:12 am

    I’ll miss you and I feel excited at my new start and I feel full of wonder to discover the untrodden path ahead of me

  77.  #77Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Miss bells I’m just a newbie here so just practicing. It does sound directive .. How about it feels so good when we are connected it would feel good to feel that way again ….

    I applaud you moving in the counter intuitive way!

  78.  #78MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 10:14 am

    72 radlove

    I think you’re bang on there!

    And G is around me a lot so he is probably very in tune with my smell. As I am with his. I had a hard time recognising his scent when I we were freshly together. Which bothered me because I could recognise ex husbands scent very easily. But it just took some time. I am in tune with the G scent now.

    So time together has a lot to do with it too i’m sure.

  79.  #79Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:14 am

    April Rose,

    61 – My answer to that is because I believe we were designed to need people. I have lived alone most of my adult life, and I feel outrageously lonely many times. I feel like a part of me is missing.

    I believe what it says in the movie, “Ever After”, with Drew Barrymore, “A life without love is no life at all.”

    How do you feel about that?

  80.  #80bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 10:14 am

    thanks, femininewoman.

    i will designate a prominent box in my room (alone) to practice making space for relationship in my life.

    this is actually calming the fear that came up in me.

    to understand that i CAN choose relationship. & that some of the things i’m afraid of are the result of NOT choosing relationship. so i don’t need to feel afraid, if i am able to make that choice.

    thank you

  81.  #81Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Miss Stix,

    65 – Thank you! I wonder what about it sounded heavy?

  82.  #82April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:15 am


    I actually felt a happy jolt when I read what you wrote about clearing a drawer for him.

    I think I will do this, during this period of questioning ‘choose relationship’, and see what happens…

  83.  #83Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Dark horse,

    66 – Thank you, me too. I feel like I just got super charged! LOL! Joy gives strength!!

  84.  #84Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 10:18 am

    I’m back from my lunch date with new POF guy – going to call him JC. He does not look like someone I would normally date, but that is ok – I am open to the possibilities. He was nice and sweet and funny and he seems young in spirit (He is 50), but he says there is still a little boy in him – Yea – I think my little girl wants to play with his little boy and see what happens.

    I agreed to go out with him for dinner and dancing tomorrow night and I am going to let him pick me up at my house. He was a very good career, owns his own home, drives a nice vehicle and “seems” stable.

    We will see what the Universe has in store for us. I read our horoscope match online and it sounds very positive – could be the perfect match 🙂

  85.  #85Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Miss Bells,

    73 – How about,

    “I feel heavy hearted. I don’t want to move. But I also want to be with a man with whom I feel first class, not second class. What do you think?”

  86.  #86MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 10:20 am


    When you were describing his end I got some heavy feelings. As if he struggles. As if he has darknesses he wishes he could be free from.

    I haven’t read it over again which I usually do before I re-comment so I may have been off on my first impression.

  87.  #87April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:20 am


    My life is full of love. I have a very loving relationship with myself, and seldom feel lonely.

    I would like to be much more active at ‘choosing’ in general.

    My relationships have often started in the way FW describes in her posting (40)
    “..Sometimes we choose just because a hot looking man that causes a stir in our loins is showing some interest in us and “we like him”…”
    and then I get attached!

  88.  #88Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:21 am


    74 – I think it’s a cool idea. It is my ever present intention, but like I said, I need to get rid of clutter, LOL!

    I think what is going to happen in the future should affect how we live today. So if I live as if I am about to move, I will pack. If I live as if I am about to marry, I will set up my house for two, and with romantic decorations!

    Love it, love it, love it! Rori has so many good ideas! I love to learn from her and from all of your Sirens. You are such a wise, knowledgeable bunch of sisters!

  89.  #89April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:22 am

    they don’t even have to be hot-looking.

  90.  #90smile on August 23, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Femininewoman and Sirens,

    This is what my speech looks like so far. I plan to send it by text. I would feel grateful to read your feedback.

    Strumming man, I feel appreciative of the time we have spent apart. It has given me time to reflect and discover myself more. I like where I live but I’m feeling stuck in the past. I don’t want to feel this way. I still feel attached to you and the possibility of what could have been while I am here. Also for financial reasons I am going to move back to mums when the contact has finished as I want the opportunity to save so I can get closer to owning my own home. Hope your okay.

  91.  #91Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Miss Stix,

    86 – Oh yes, very true. Good sensing there. He told me that the negativity of the schizophrenia inside makes everything seem far worse than it really is.

    And he was seriously turned off from me in 2009. I was feeling traumatized by what I was experiencing – in a word I would call it sadistic. But I was also operating out of a lot of emotional damage and not sireny at all. So I have come a very long way, and so has he.

    I feel more optimistic by the day about our friendship becoming something more.

  92.  #92Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 10:26 am


    Very, very true!

  93.  #93Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 10:28 am

    April Rose,

    I can feel very content alone and need a lot of alone time myself. But after 48 years of life, it is really getting to me.

  94.  #94smile on August 23, 2012 at 10:29 am

    *contact=house contract

  95.  #95smile on August 23, 2012 at 10:30 am


    Glad to see things are going well with R. I have been away, how is your living situation going? Hope you managed to get sorted?

  96.  #96April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

    LG, FW

    I feel gritty-teeth.
    Not true for all.
    I actually can’t sleep next to the human beings I’ve known and awake refreshed. Why? Don’t know. Very sensitive energy? Super-sensitive hearing and a light sleeper. Next to another, I lie awake, or else go into a doze with unpleasant dreams. Makes me feel afraid to lie down next to someone at night.

    On my own, with earplugs, I often (but not always) get a good night’s rest.


  97.  #97Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Blooming I broke up with a man a few years back that was perfect on paper but somehow I didn’t feel like ME with him. It was weird. I was sad but relieved when it ended. I felt guilty but now I know that was not necessary.

    I’m feeling unfocused and cloudy headed. I am trying to define what I want but I’m afraid that it will maybe be something unobtainable and I’ll be putting my energy on the wrong direction. So I feel I have to downgrade my wants or goals.

  98.  #98MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Radlove 91

    Optimism is wonderful!

    At the same time I feel worry. My brain says “Will she continue this glorious path if she feels the let downs in a big way?”. I trust in the foundation you are building. I trust that the more steps you take the more solid the foundation will be. It will not crumble benieth you but rather support you through triumphs and struggles alike!

    Yes. Hold on to the optimism. Keep it in that compartment. I like optimism related to men. I like to keep it separate from hope. I do not like hope related to men. Maybe that’s my own darknesses talking.

  99.  #99Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 10:36 am

    If I decide I want something but it’s not realistic I’m afraid I will be moving in the wrong direction…why don’t i trust myself?

    I keep interviewing for jobs and not getting them. I feel flat and discouraged and scared. I have no health insurance and I can’t keep living like this. I wish I has a mom and dad that could help me. Even though I’m a grown woman.

  100.  #100MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 10:37 am


  101.  #101Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Just found this…

    The 5 Keys to a successful relationship according to Rori Raye are as follows:

    Key #1: Choose Relationship
    Key #2: Choose to either be the Receiving/Masculine partner or the Giving/Feminine one.
    Key #3: Support the team.
    Key #4: Respect the masculine.
    Key #5: Express the feminine.


  102.  #102Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Point number 2 of this article is really standing out for me …if I had done this then my whole chapter of pain with recycledCDnever would have happened.

  103.  #103Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 10:43 am

    101 I like this LG thank you

    I want my own bedroom too. Maybe I can combine it as a guest room 🙂 but i don’t want guests. 🙂

    But I also want a room I share with “him” and right now I feel like I want to move far far away and start over!!!

  104.  #104Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 10:44 am

    April Rose:

    I feel ya. I’m not really saying that’s true for all but just true in my experience.

    I actually find it challenging to sleep with my guy every single night. Sometimes I will sleep somewhere other than in our bed, like the couch, if I am feeling particularly sensitive. He seems to understand.

    I also have my own room. It doesn’t have a bed in it but it has all of my clothes and art supplies and a desk. I intend to utilize it more. Right now it’s a bit of a mess. More of storage than an actual functioning space.

    I think of myself as a very independent woman. Both of my parents even described me that way when I asked them what I was like as a child.

    Choosing relationship feels challenging to me. I definitely have a ‘fear of intimacy’.

  105.  #105Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Radlove what nice things will you do for yourself before you see r again? I think that is a good tool. Things I like are pedicures, taking a walk with my dog, grooming my horse, swimming, reading this blog! Taking bubble baths, listening to soothing music. Watching movies.

    When is your interview? Is that work place close by?

    I felt very moved reading your account of r asking for a hug. He must feel safe with you. Do you feel safer with him?

    Lionman gives the bet hugs. We went on a tree hugging vacation once it was really great fun.

    Blooming I just loved that mr Rochester quote thank you I think I will put it somewhere I can read it everyday.

  106.  #106Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Emerson: move far, far away and start over?

    I feel curious to hear more about this.

  107.  #107Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Thank you miss stix

    I just talked to my mom about my job frustrations and insuranc issues and i was crying cuz i feel sad and frustrated….
    she just asks unrelated questions about trivial things..like literally did you get the kitchen sink fixed yet? Totally unrelated and she is so tuned out from my feelings.

    She literally told me in the past you need to deal with it by yourself which is true sometimes but that applies to nearly EVERYTHING . Since I was small.

    I told her before mom I don’t expect you to solve my problems for me but gosh you could be supportive.!!!! Shes like letting out a big sigh and says Emerson what do you want me to say???? Nothing mom nevermind.

    My first big breakup I was bawling and she just stares at me blankly then said if I don’t calm down she’s calling someone to help because I’m having a psychiatric emergency. Wtf !!!!!! Nooo actually collegeEX just dumped me and he was the love of my life at the time.!!!! It’s like a normal grieving process and she’s implying that I’m crxzy….

  108.  #108Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Woah, I just noticed there must be a typo here.

    Key #2: Choose to either be the Receiving/Masculine partner or the Giving/Feminine one.

    Shouldn’t it be receiving/feminine and giving/masculine.

    I just cut and pasted it from the site. Surely that must be a mistake.

  109.  #109Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Omg, Emerson. Your mom sounds just like mine.

    Awww, hugs to both of us.

  110.  #110Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 10:55 am

    And hugs to them too. They probably mean well but just aren’t sure how to support us.


  111.  #111Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

    I’m so angry I want to run away but I don’t know where..

  112.  #112Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Belle – thank you I feel so cared for, I felt a warmth of love around me reading your post

  113.  #113Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Wow, ladies. I was feeling intrigued and curious about the idea of choosing relationship so I started doing some research and I found that Rori talks about this topic a lot in her ebook.

    It’s been a while since I read it so I went back to review.

    I wish I could cut and paste some of it here but I can’t.

    But for anyone who is interested, she definitely does into depth about it in the e-book.

  114.  #114Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Emerson: Maybe in the meantime, you could find solace in that special place place in side of you…

    Ya know, create your own safe space.

  115.  #115Miss Bells on August 23, 2012 at 11:12 am

    #73 I don’t actually feel second class with him.
    I want to hit the reset button and date.
    I just don’t want to live with him if we aren’t married, and I want his on/off switch to be repaired.
    I will miss him. But–he needs to set the pace here.
    I will be twenty miles away–still in the same county–in a town we both love.
    I just need him to step up. When it comes up–first he says he’ll miss me–then I say I’ll miss him too–then he says “no, you’ll just be too busy with other things.
    This is true but not the whole story.
    See how he boxes me in?
    Either I am so busy why should he bother OR I am just a slug sitting there waiting for him. Not attractive.
    The truth is I AM busy, and I have time for him if he asks.
    This is a man who has NO PROBLEM chasing a woman he wants.
    I need a good answer that is true, non-directive, and attractive.

  116.  #116MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I just shared a wedding photo on FB.

    I feel like I am going to throw up. Breathe breathe breathe. No no don’t heave it’s ok. Breathe and work through this. I want desperately to work through this terror and shame. I don’t want to retch when I picture my wedding. I don’t want to be terrified to dream of another day I can actually call “our day”. Not his day, not my moms day (she rocks but she paid she had final say) not even my day. I want an “our day”.

    phewf breathe.

    My heart feels like a jackhammer. My belly is full of black gooey bubbles sticking to my insides. Ugh. No retching! Breathe it’s ok. It’s fine. Feeling this is good. Don’t avoid it. Feel it and get through it.

  117.  #117Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 11:19 am


    95 – I am ok for rent for August. I will barely have rent for September, which will leave me broke, so I am continuing to seek assistance and of course, jobs. I just had cable and internet turned off. Thank God, there is free internet in my neighborhood, from where I don’t know. It is a weaker, slower connection, but it is enough to keep me jobhunting. I feel concerned about 3 of my bills that are behind that weigh heavily on my credit rating: one credit card, a Best Buy account, and Care Credit, which is for giving vet care to animals. Thanks for asking.

    I am living out of foodbanks and getting assistance for electricity. Gas is my main tight thing right now. A friend recently lent me money to get my car repaired for inspection. It still needs the inspection sticker, but the repairs are done. My car insurance and phone are up to date. The phone is essential for job hunting.

  118.  #118Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Miss Stix,

    98 – That’s a fair distinction to make between optimism and hope. I do see R in my future, and I know it is sorta dangerous, but I can’t help it.

    I also wonder if I will continue down the glorious path if I feel let down. I have struggled to the extreme emotionally over this man for 3.5 years. I feel extra optimistic, tho, because we have about 2 solid months in of getting along well, and because 3.5 years with him in my life is more solid…he may still be “just” a friend, but the fact is, he is still in my life. He hasn’t flamed out.

    All I know is I really need some emotional stability and joy, and I am going to run with this energy. I NEED to get some serious stuff done.

  119.  #119Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 11:25 am


    99 – I wish I had a Mom or Dad who could help me financially, too. I felt like dirt taking $20 for gas from my Mom this month when all she gets for spending money is $45 a month, being in a nursing home. She insisted on giving me the full $45, and I could not accept. I sure hope to make it up to her in the future. I mean, I am paying her phone, too. But I’m not going to take her only $45 a month for her phone.

  120.  #120Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Smile I like your script. Except for the Hope you’re okay part. That feels like giving energy.

  121.  #121Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 11:26 am

    RadLove you might have robbed her of feeling blessed

  122.  #122Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 11:28 am


    99 – I also meant to ask you if there are any free or low cost medical clinics in your area? I would google it. I found one in my area that is giving me 85% off health care. It is making all the difference. So I just had my blood pressure meds refilled, and I haven’t bought it yet, but I can get my Provigil for staying awake at a job for $45 instead of $350.

    I used to go to a completely free clinic in my old town. I would walk out with my meds in my hand for free, and the care was free, with just a donation box if you could. It was the best clinic I ever went to, where they really took their time to listen and check things out.

  123.  #123Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 11:34 am

    61 – My answer to that is because I believe we were designed to need people. I have lived alone most of my adult life, and I feel outrageously lonely many times. I feel like a part of me is missing.

    I believe what it says in the movie, “Ever After”, with Drew Barrymore, “A life without love is no life at all.”

    How do you feel about that?

    This feels very jarring but thanks to the Universe I have limitless ways to connect with people. Also I am love so it is impossible to live a life without love. I also believe that relationships are truly successful when two whole people come together. I detest the thought of coming together with another broken human being to get back a missing part of myself.

    I intend to believe that I am whole.

  124.  #124MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 11:37 am


    Finding wholeness within myself is a struggle while being in a relationship with someone I see as whole. I believe it is possible. I practice relying on myself for healing. Still a struggle. But I always say I don’t want the easy route.

  125.  #125Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:38 am

    ‘why would would you fake compassion if what you are feeling is anger? ‘

    I want to fake it till I make it with compassion so that I can share THAT when I’m angry instead of shutdown or attack.

    I noticed when I feel enraged the words that come to mind LOUDLY are attacks, defense… and they don’t help me feel connected after.

    “Does it feel bad to you?”


    more recently i feel scared im gonna have a stroke, my head tightens up so much … and i remember my grandfather talking about that

    i am feeling way more excited in being able to feel it

    theres a feeling of powerlessness and hopelessness that accompanies it and i wonder if that’s what is really upsetting for me (uhh yeah it is)

    “you believe you have to be perfect and have all of these skills perfected before you can be loved or lovable?”

    welll… i feel confused… i guess i believe that i require these skills down pat to maintain a healthy relationship yes.

    often men get REALLY close to me, FAST because i’m open and warm with them,

    and then when i get attacky and blamy with them with my anger they poof

    ive seen my parents fight my whole life

    i feel sad

    i feel so sad i feel like crying

    i feel like running away from that

    i feel frantic i dont fel it anymore

    i feel scared about my parents marriage

    i want to have a great relationship with my family

    i feel so sad

    i love my sdaneess adn that feels


    head hangy pouty teary

    ilove my hangy pouty teary and that feels like

    excitedment to start reading stuff that feels good

    and sigh

    i loce my excitement (and guilt) and sigh

    nad that feels like giggle

    and ugh

  126.  #126FlowerChild77 on August 23, 2012 at 11:38 am

    Radlove…I am very happy for you that you are spending time with R and enjoying it. I know how much that means to you. And I see the overall progress you’ve made using Rori’s tools.

    I felt a little ‘off’ reading that you took your journal with you, as though it was some sort of court hearing/interrogation that you needed ‘evidence’ for.

    If you’ve truly forgiven him and want to move on, I don’t see the point of hanging onto this so tightly. I’m thinking that he doesn’t “feel” forgiven and, perhaps, that is why he agreed to talk about it.

    I’m very excited for you about your moving plans, etc. Organizing and clearing the house is something *I* need to do. I just can’t seem to “get going.” The “stuff” I need to go through is so emotionally charged that I’m actually scared of it.

    Maybe reading about your experience and motivation will help me to get the ball rolling. I do realize that by ‘not’ doing this I am keeping my life in a holding pattern—there’s no ‘room’ for the good stuff to come in.

  127.  #127MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Sometimes I think I get too caught up in doing things in a way he will respond to positively.

    Sometimes I feel fear to just be me and to heck with what he thinks.
    Yet sometimes I feel completely free.

  128.  #128bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 11:41 am

    “I also believe that relationships are truly successful when two whole people come together. I detest the thought of coming together with another broken human being to get back a missing part of myself.”

    i’m feeling connected to this writing…. with my first boyfriend… i suppose i was trying to “get” his confidence in being sensitive & creative. my second, his charisma & social abilities & again that confident out-of-the-box-ness….. more of that art world view….. with cd….. more of that confident out-of-the-box-ness….. more of that playful fun… conviction.

    when i feel strong in myself, without a need for another person to “complete” me – then i can be a good partner

    i’m feeling ok

    why again do i have to leave?


  129.  #129Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Dark horse,

    105 – Thanks for asking! Right now I am baking a healthy lunch – zucchini casserole. I looked up the recipe and it felt good to cook something out of the ordinary. Recently a food bank gave me a whole case of fresh zucchini! So I cut it up and froze it in zip loc bags and I am getting a lot of mileage out of it.

    I need to redo my pedicure. I take walks with my dogs every day or every other day. I swim nearly every day. I spend too much time reading this blog! A bubble bath would feel nice. I listen to soothing music every day. I watch too many movies and am taking a break from that since my cable is now off, since I have such an overload of things to do to survive.

    What the main thing is I’m going to do is clean and organize my house. It is more for functional feeling better than sensual feeling better, and it will give me a good feeling next time R comes over if it is neat and clean. He says he doesn’t mind, but Rori is right when she said it creates a romantic mood.

    I also want to make time for more reading and relistening to Rori’s programs. Lucy who hasn’t been here much lately lent me her book, “the soulmate secret”, by Arielle Ford! I am also reading “The Princess Warrior”. It is uplifting stuff that really keeps me going.

    The lady never set up the interview, even tho I both emailed her and called her. It is 25 min away.

    “I felt very moved reading your account of r asking for a hug. He must feel safe with you. Do you feel safer with him?”

    Thank you! Yes, it was one of the most meaningful things he’s done in a long time. Yes, it feels good to know he feels safe with me, and I feel safe with him too, which I didn’t in 2009. R gives the best hugs, too. In his words, he “hugs with love.”

    You said, “We went on a tree hugging vacation once it was really great fun.”

    Wow, that feels really exciting! I never heard of such a thing, and it makes me want to do the same!

  130.  #130Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:43 am

    ““no, you’ll just be too busy with other things.”

    woman: ouch.. that feels bad

    man: what?

    woman: i felt weird and kinda icky hearing that

    man: hearing what?

    woman: breathe

    man: i mean you’re the one leaving so im sure you’ll be busy with your friends and dating and stuff

    woman: yeah, i feel excited about feeling busy… i feel sad and unheard and kinda mad

    man: what are you mad about

    woman: i feel bad saying i will miss you and feeling unheard a bit… 🙁

    man: {surprise answer?}

  131.  #131Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I feel so tweaked out by this misspelling I keep seeing. Basically, there is this gathering happening called REJUVINATE

    and everytime I see the posters for it, my mind starts skitzing and spinning, wondering if they misspelled it accidentally or intentionally.

    And I start to feel kinda obsessed about it and it totally distracts me from everything else I am doing.

    Awwww, I love my little spinning brain that just wants for everything to be right!

    (((my brain)))

  132.  #132bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 11:44 am

    ok, little girl. please talk to me.

    or… is it the woman ? help. you never ever speak.

  133.  #133Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Darkhorse – i would take it as a sign that i overfunctioned offering to help him…

    and i would do my best to work thru my guilt induced anxiety and let him know i no longer feel comfortable being in charge of set task

  134.  #134Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 11:51 am


    107 – I feel so sad to hear that! It must feel awful when your own mother responds with such callousness. My Mom used to do that to a mild degree, much milder. But I really related when you said she asked an unrelated question.

    As I gained healing and learned feeling messages, I started to say stuff like this:

    I feel so isolated. I feel like I am screaming in the middle of a desert, and no one hears me. I need help.

    Mom, at times I feel so disconnected from you, and I don’t want to feel that way with you. Sometimes I say things that are really deep hurts in my heart, and I feel unheard.

    We have had many such discussions in the past 4 years especially, when I started talking a lot about my relationship with her to my therapist, who was also an older woman. She gave me ideas for ways to talk to her.

    I have had many breakthrough moments with my Mom, and over my adult years, we have gone from never hugging and never saying I love you to hugging and saying I love you every time we see each other, which is about once a week. I also say I love you at the end of every phone call.

    Several times, she has started to cry, saying, “B, I love you very much. I just don’t know how to say it sometimes. I never learned how to express emotions, and everyone in my family was so stoic. It was a sign of weakness to cry or express feelings of love. The language of my family is money. My Dad never said I love you, but he would help me with money now and then, and that’s the only way I knew he loved me.

    “I don’t want to be that way with you, but it is so hard for me to say how I really feel. I don’t mean to be insensitive to you.”

    Now she is 80, and we have many open, emotional conversations. She is not perfect, and neither am I. But we can freely express love, both verbally and by touches and hugs.

  135.  #135Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:52 am

    *agreeing to help him

  136.  #136smile on August 23, 2012 at 11:52 am

    I’m crying. I feel my communication feels cold compared to how we used to communicate. I feel distant from him.

  137.  #137smile on August 23, 2012 at 11:55 am

    feminine woman, thank you. Thats one of the hardest things i have had to write.

    I feel scared that i wont be tied to him anymore but i know deep down that this is what I need to do 🙁

  138.  #138MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 11:57 am

    I sat within my sickness surrounding my wedding and marriage for a while. I permitted myself to release it. Itty bitty baby steps. Tiny little bird bites.

    I feel off since last night.

    I have vague hazy sleepy memories of waking up desperately trying to snuggle G. I know he rolled me over and held me tight. Tears now. My wholeness does not lie within him. But he brings me such comfort.

  139.  #139Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Smile as Rori says in “Reconnect” it might have the effect of hooking him in.

  140.  #140Daria on August 23, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    i guess i think that in order to have a healthy relationship i must NEVER EVER attack my partner

    i know being attacked has ME feeling shut down – i haven’t talked to my godsister since new years after she yelled at me on the phone and i don’t feel ready to yet either

    i’ve tapped on this a bit and theres other stuff like my guilt etc judgemetn of myself in this sitaution so that probably plays into it…

    i feel desperate and ‘needy’ and i want an EFT person to help me

  141.  #141Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    135 thanks Daria. Is it over functioning agreeing to help when he asks? I am a bit confused about that. I thought when they ask us to do something it is directional.

    Also as I’ve agreed to do it should I do it or say I don’t want to do this anymore? It’s ok to change half way through?

    Guilt induced anxiety very perceptive. Guilt he will get mad if I say no, punish me, ask someone else to do it, other woman fear.

    Essentially I can’t do said task without his participation which is the macro and micro of the whole relationship and the problem in a nutshell

  142.  #142bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    my mom came into my bedroom & held my hand & helped me practice scripts.

    she told me to say, ” when we decided to move in together, i know we were both hoping this would lead toward marriage…. & i really think you’re wonderful & i love & respect you…. but i don’t feel that we are moving toward marriage…. i’m not ready…. & i’ve decided to move back in with my family ”

    gosh i’m just crying

  143.  #143Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Miss Bells,

    115 – Ok. When I said second class, I meant him dating OW right under your nose. Ouch. To me, first class would look like being treated like a princess and honored as the top woman in his life.

  144.  #144Dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Daria I love that ‘i dont feel comfortable being in charge of said task’?….. I don’t mind participating in task it but I don’t want to be in charge of it which means having to lean forward. Oh thank you that cracked something for me. I don’t want to be given responsibility for it.

    Now do I wait for him to ask is it done and be mad it’s not or lean forward and text I don’t want to be in charge of this anymore?

  145.  #145Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:07 pm


    121 – I feel you on that, and I did allow her to give me $20. But I am not going to take ALL her money. She loves to give, and she is so sweet in that regard.

  146.  #146MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Maybe I just don’t want to ever be the Wife again.

    Maybe that’s ok.

    Why would it not be ok?

    If G asked me to marry him today I would say no. I would say “I love you, and I want to enjoy my life with you in it, but I do not want a wedding. I do not want to be a wife.”

    That feels freeing. I could shack up forever and feel content. That feels good to me! That does not feel gooey and black. It feels light and easy.

    Am I simply running away from a piece of paper?

    Oh ish! I am so confused.

  147.  #147Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:08 pm


    123 – Beautiful response! Thank you!

  148.  #148MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Sometimes I imagine other ways to have a day of celebration…

    “R____ and ____ invite you to share in a celebration of their love on their ___th anniversary.”

    I could still have it in hawaii and wear my dress and party till the sun comes up!

  149.  #149smile on August 23, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Feminine woman, there is still a lot of attraction there. I feel it is far from over in my heart. All I can do is keep riding on. Another benefit of me moving and not paying as much rent is that I might actually be able to afford to purchase more of roris work to help me grow more emotionally.

    I feel appreciative of your support.

  150.  #150Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm


    126 – If you see my posts in yesterday’s thread, it was R who brought it up again, and I don’t feel a need to revisit it at all. What I have realized is that R keeps talking in generalities, and we go around and around Robin Hood’s barn, as my Mom would say.

    In the interests of addressing the past issues using feeling messages, I feel a need to break it down…to be able to say, “When this happened, I felt this.”

    Just to give you an idea, last night he said, “When you blew up that time in April 2009, after that point, I was just trying to get rid of you!”

    That was a vast generality, and with his schizophrenia, his mind is confused and he doesn’t always remember things or remember them accurately.

    I said, “Wait a minute, I remember, for just one example, of July 5th, 2009, when we had a wonderful time and we were together for about 8 hours. First we went to a coffee house, and that was the time you introduced me to your church, remember? Then afterward, we went to see the fireworks, and then we went back to my house.

    “I remember you gazing at me for what felt like about 20 minutes, and then you said, ‘B, I care for you.’ I mean, that wasn’t pushing me away.”

    It felt much more productive to talk about specific moments, and my memory is fading over time, too, so the journals are not for interrogation, simply for memory jogging.

    I was not confrontational in the least. Rather, I stated, “Look, schizophrenia aside: with all my emotional damage and lack of relational skills, I consider it a miracle that you are still in my life at all! And I feel honored that after all this time, you are still in my life. I don’t want to lose you from my life. So I am here to get along with you, not to try to turn you off in any way.”

  151.  #151MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    I wonder if I am alone in my thought patterns and feelings about a contract to stay with a person.

  152.  #152smile on August 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    blooming I feel your pain. I believe we are crying in similar circumstances.

    I feel we are lucky we have parents to go back home to.

  153.  #153Annie on August 23, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    820: Dominiquesays:

    “Annie – 727 & 728 – Please know not all men want to do that, continue to go to strip clubs etc. And it also doesn’t mean that just because they choose or rather prefer not to go to places such as these, it doesn’t mean their sex drive is any lower either.

    There are plenty of men out there for YOU, the kind of men who YOU want.


    TY Dominique, I feel fragile at the moment, it feels good to hear what you wrote.
    I know in my heart and soul that what you say is true. I just feel sad and believe they are the rare ones.

    I want to wait for a man like that and I don’t want to throw my pearls before swine.

  154.  #154Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    MissStix you are not alone.

  155.  #155MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    Sometimes I feel as if I am reaching and reaching out for someone to just pick me up and say “It’s ok, you are ok”.

    G gave me his hoodie last night after my last post on this blog. I had goosebumps and he just took it off and put it over my shoulders. I could smell him and I felt wrapped up in love and comfort.

    “All I need in this life of sin…”

    I still feel alone.

  156.  #156bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:29 pm


    i have been to a strip club with other men &, as april rose mentioned, it is not anything. mostly young silly men & then a few life-long stripper-lovers (who i hope never to date)

    & i’ll say also that among the group i went with, only 1 was “enjoying” himself watching the women & he “takes shxt” for it forever after from that entire group of friends.

    so not only does it seem Rare to me for men to pursue strip club scenarios, but the men who “love” that are socially ostracized even among other men it seems.

  157.  #157Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Miss Stix,

    146 – I would check out Dominique’s blog on marriage vs non marriage. She lived with her man I think about ten years before marrying recently. She wasn’t expecting to ever marry. If you click on her name on the blog, it will take you to her website, sexandheart.com. She talks a lot about it.

  158.  #158bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Miss Stix

    “I wonder if I am alone in my thought patterns and feelings about a contract to stay with a person.”

    i feel curious about what this “means”….

  159.  #159bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    oh, marriage papers ?

  160.  #160Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Miss Stix,

    148 – I want to marry very much. My idea is to have a simple, inexpensive, brief wedding, and then a lavish, expensive, long honey moon! LOL!

    To me, it’s about US, not everyone else! I just want to celebrate with my man!

    I envision us in a beach house by a private beach in Hawaii, spending most of our time in bed enjoying each other’s bodies and presence…just pillow talking, cuddling, and making mad, passionate love at any and all hours!

    Then in between, taking long, slow walks, arm in arm, on the beach, and going on boat rides, snorkeling, and seeing the sights. I am a bundle of romance!

  161.  #161bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:33 pm


    i feel curious… do you live with a man?

  162.  #162bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    i want a month-long honeymoon so i can watch the whole cycle of the moon & bless it sweet

  163.  #163Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:35 pm


    152 – Yes, you are fortunate to have parents to go home to. I had that for years. When my Mom and I moved out of our last house, and she ended up getting an apartment at a retirement community, it hit me that I couldn’t run home anymore. I have felt so insecure!

    I want to be independent and financially stable, but my struggle continues for one reason or another. I hope and pray this is the last time.

  164.  #164MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm


    Thank you.

    More tears now. Gawd. I feel angry at ex husband for the first time in a long time. I want to blame blame blame! “You stole this from me!!!”

    He sent me an email not so long ago. An apology. Long awaited. But it just fell flat. I told him not to let what happened with us bring him down more. What I wanted to say was:

    “It took getting cheated on to know what you did to me?? And how do you even know?? Is she your first love?? Did you spend nearly 8 years with her and marry her for her to get bj’s and sex from your brothers’ girlfriend?? No??? Then don’t tell me you know how I “must have felt” now and don’t tell me your sorry. A$$hole.”

    Whew. That felt kinda goid to get off my chest.

  165.  #165Belle on August 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm


    My face broke out into a big grin and I felt all surrounded by starlight and giggly when I read this post.

    It’s so interesting being a woman and feeling all of these feelings that lead one to another to another to another! It feels good to read, it reminds me of how quickly mine can go from despair to giggly and I love it.

    Something I learned from “Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus” is to pace.

    They say men are like blowtorches and women are like ovens. So men will blowtorch in the beginning and it’s our job to set the pace and go slow, so we don’t burn out like fireworks.

    For me that looks like – nothing longer than a 3-hour date, period. No “oh this is crazy and I know we just met but let’s spend the weekend together!” kinds of things. No more than 2 dates per week with the same person. Phone conversations top out at an hour (an hour is stretching it for me, I start to need space usually after 30 minutes).

    Even with my friends, I know if I spend a weekend camping with friends, I will need to make time for space sometime during and after. Lots of closeness without time for integration makes me snappy and prickly and mean. Kind of like having low blood sugar, lol. That doesn’t feel the same as anger to me, though, it just feels like “crazy lady alarm letting me know my boundaries are being violated (or that it’s way past time to eat!).”

    Gay Hendricks talks about having a rhythm of closeness/space/closeness/space
    the closer we get right way, the further we want to run and get our space back.

    Going slow and being mysterious and leaving them wanting more are lovely feminine qualities.

    The last man I dated was so shocked that I had such good boundaries. “What feels really good to me is to be ready to go home by 9, what do you think?”

    Which kind of cracks me up thinking about how crappy my boundaries are with C at work, oy.

    Messy contradictions
    Resolving themselves the less I struggle with them <3

  166.  #166Annie on August 23, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    822: Dominique says:

    “Annie – #734 – Yes indeed, yet also there is some deeper healing in there for you as well. If this triggers you SO much, can you ask yourself why? I’m not saying that this is okay behavior for a man, nor am I saying that you would have to accept a man who behaves like this.

    But I am saying that there is something really profound for you to heal. Can you imagine yourself full into your sexuality, unbridled and free? Can you imagine yourself as one of those strippers?

    Can you feel compassion for them? Sisterhood?”


    Yes I can imagine it Dominique, there for the grace of God go I.
    When I was younger my ‘friend’ got me some work abroad as a dancer not stripping that was supposed to be just that and was right on the edge of crossing over onto that line.
    It felt awful I was one of the older girls looked years younger.
    One poor girl was only sixteen.
    Our passports were taken off us and money withheld and then we were told to sit and have drinks with men which was not in our contract and the men tried to touch us.
    I would not have it and stood my ground and also protected the younger girl.
    I felt sick and terrified ended up getting my passport back when the man wasn’t looking and thank god my family managed to get me a plane ticket waiting at airport I had to do a runner.
    The British embassy didn’t give a f*ck and didn’t help me.
    So yes I feel compassion for my sisters.
    I feel disgust and revulsion and repelled for any of the men who are in these places who have wives etc.
    And the men who run these places.


  167.  #167smile on August 23, 2012 at 12:39 pm


    I did, I live in the 2nd house we had together. He moved out at xmas which brought me to the blog.

    He still has a lot of stuff here though and it has been hard to move forward. I am going to move back to my mums to save money and so I dont feel tied to him anymore. We also have the shared house deposit in his name.

  168.  #168smile on August 23, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    he is in the wall we painted, the furniture we chose together…i want to feel free

  169.  #169MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 12:44 pm


    That sounds blessedly peaceful, and wonderful!

    I imagine sometimes just running away with my man to make love all day. On the beach, under waterfalls under the open night sky surrounded by nothing but the universe. Peace.

  170.  #170bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    i feel “caught” in my house. like a little bird with a hundred tethers tied to her feet

    i want to live in the trees, Outside the Tower

  171.  #171smile on August 23, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Radlove, it feels like you are focused. I feel relieved you are not in immediate threat of eviction.

  172.  #172Belle on August 23, 2012 at 12:49 pm



    Not that long ago I called my close friend/former fiance and attacked him like crazy.

    He is magic, too, like me, and said, “I see all of these darts coming at me and turning into tennis balls and falling on a soft, cushiony pillow marked, “This has nothing to do with me.”

    I was dumbfounded…and relieved.
    That attacking part of me wanted to be loved and handled, and he did it perfectly.
    It also reflected the crazy back to ME, and I could clearly see all of the accusations were me talking to myself and I could hear ME.
    More relief.

    There are men who can love and handle our attackyness.
    I don’t think it’s unhealthy to have that come up every now and then. When both people are clear that none of it is personal and dedicated to being in a space of love for each other, it can be different.

  173.  #173bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    HOW can i walk away from this ?

    keeps playing in my head

    how did you walk away from j? how did you walk away from h?

    with boundaries, & with a clear vision of what my needs are & how i feel best to meet them for myself.

    my mama laughed at me last night & said, “baby, you don’t want to marry your high school boyfriend, believe me” & i laughed too…. time goes forward & somehow i go with it…..

    some of these i’m catching some beliefs i don’t “hold” anymore, but i’m just …. wind kicking up leaves in a parking lot …. it is what it is

  174.  #174Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Miss Stix,

    169 – Oh yesss!

  175.  #175Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 12:53 pm


    171 – Yes, thank you! I feel so relieved!

  176.  #176MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    When I told my mom about his apology she said:

    “You know I will always have love fir that boy but gee isn’t kharma a b!tch!” Then she cackled. Literally. I smile now. She uplifts me even if she has to grab me by the toes and do it upside down and backwards.

  177.  #177Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Reading more about choosing relationship…

    Some questions Rori says to ask ourselves

    “Are you more attached to your possessions, ideas, opinions, independence, freedom and life style than you are to the idea of relationship with all its messy physicality and messy emotions?”

    “Am I willing to let someone who is not completely perfect into my life?”

    And she says when things aren’t going well we tend to get into fight or flight mode. She says many of us bounce back and forth between the two, fight and flight and that we are often one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship.

  178.  #178Jilly on August 23, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    So when Rugby Man came to visit me at school…

    I had just finished an appt with a male client and I walked out to the reception area and Rugby Man was there as a surprise!!!

    This male client said,”Your wife just hurt me!!!” in a sarcastic voice (I was assisting the doctor with botox and jerviderm)

    Rugby Man…stood there and said out loud “my wife”…and my friend said it sounded like he was trying it out and liked it…

    I felt like I was under water and trying to hear if he was going to freak out or deny or something of that nature…

    even though we’ve talked about it…and I feel that’s what we are moving towards…if he had a “negative” reaction…well…that would tell me something…but my friend said…he sounded like he was trying it on and liked the sound of it…he didn’t deny it either…I feel smiley about that…

    In a LOA concept…I can look at it as seeing evidence of my desires..I like that too!!

  179.  #179smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    We communicated ok in the end. I am not sure how I feel about it anymore?

    He said he understands and he is sorry about everything. He said he will come and make it a strumming man free zone. whilst he can take away his pocessions, the house will never be free from him. this is why I am moving. I dont want to feel stuck.

  180.  #180bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    daria, can i email you?

  181.  #181smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    I just replied thank you.

    I resisted the feeling of control. It feels so hard not to ask when he is coming and to make arrangements but i know this is my masculine side coming through which is where it went wrong in the first place. i am learning.

  182.  #182Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Woah, I’m feeling kinda blown away by how amazing Rori’s e-book is. It’s been a while since I have read it and I feel like I am seeing it with new eyes as my circumstances have changed so much since I first read it.

    I feel excited and inspired to apply what I am learning to my life!!! Weeeeeeeeeeee!!!

  183.  #183Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    RE 169 MissStix truly, it felt boring to me. I felt like running away when I read it. I want more, exciting, full out life. Traveling from one place to the next, experiencing new things and new people with the romance as the cherry on top of it all. I want a big juicy life.

  184.  #184Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Talking about men still being in the house we shared with them . . .

    I live in a home that my ex-husband has never been in, but the furtiture and many of the things i own we bought together and had together as a couple, including the bed i still sleep in. none of it bothers me, but I just realized the other day that I have a dozen pictures of him in the house. There are a couple on the fridge when the boys were small and a few in the hallway froma trip to disney and some more in the bonus room of us all horseback riding.

    My sister is coming to visit me next weekend and i suddenly saw all of this through her eyes – she will have a dang fit when she sees his pictures. It just doesn’t bother me – he is the father of my 3 sons who all live with me and he was my husband for 23 years – whatever. i don’t love him and i don’t hate him.

    I guess I should take them down at some point, but I’m just going to do it gradually, by replacing them with more current pics of me and the boys.

  185.  #185Jilly on August 23, 2012 at 1:11 pm


    Laughing Goddess…yay!!!

  186.  #186MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm


    I see and feel where you’re coming from.

    I think maybe i’ve had enough fullness and juicyness. Peace and quiet beauty excite me now.

    I had a european honeymoon with several countries and no time. I thought I was living it up. It unraveled just weeks after we returned.

    Yes. Peace. Time. Calm. Sounds and sensations.

  187.  #187Tam on August 23, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    ooh, a lot of activity on the blog..and a lot of pain..
    I am feeling a little blue too..

  188.  #188Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Calypso look at it through eyes of “what message am I sending to the Universe” by keeping them up. I see this as a possible block to love. I recently cleaned out my place of pictures and I have dated a man who cleaned his whole life out. His philosophy “I don’t want to be reminded of unhappiness”.

  189.  #189MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    I love the diversity of thoughts and desires. I don’t feel alone in this moment.

  190.  #190Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    MissStix I understand. I am naturally drawn to travel and adventure. I was part of my life intention to begin again for this New Year.

  191.  #191MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Thank you ((((sirens))))

    Thank you (((tam))) for your ability to see deeply in that picture on fb. That brought me more comfort than you know. Just to know someone could see me.

  192.  #192smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    calypso, I think it would feel different with children. I would maybe keep the pictures if they dont bother you, how would the boys feel if you took them down?

    My mum and dad recently divorced after 30 years. My mum is now engaged again and my dad lives with his partner. We often have family get togethers with everyone! mostly at birthdays or an occasion, but the isnt always a reason. I value this sooo much from my parents that they can be civil and etc. through my eyes I think your boys might value that you can have the photos up for them.

    it would be different if you still had feelings attached to this though, wanting more? if not I think its okay. Just my opinion. what do you think?

  193.  #193bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    daria, i just emailed you : ) don’t feel pressured to reply, please, but i’d feel glad to hear your feelings : )

  194.  #194MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    mmm yes femininewoman. I desire travel too. Just in a much different way than I used to. I want to smell the air and feel the different weather. I want to revel in the way powdery sand feels on my toes. I want to sink into a hotspring in iceland. I want to float down a river through caves in belize. I want to make quiet love with my partner under the stars. I want to bathe in a waterfall. Maybe that will change again over time.

  195.  #195smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    eeek control freak breaking out… warning warning!

    I didn’t feel like the conversation felt over. I feel like I want to lean forward. I am sitting on my hands big time lol. I can hear my conscious shouting noooooooooo.

    I want to tell him when is a good time for me to pick his stuff up. I feel fear that he will just show up.

  196.  #196smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    I feel like distracting my thoughts

  197.  #197smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    I have just come back from a travelling adventure. It would feel light hearted to share my experience of having a haman in morocco yesterday.

    Has any other siren ever had one?

  198.  #198smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm


  199.  #199Tam on August 23, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    ((((Miss Stix))))

  200.  #200Imogen on August 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Bloom-ing, is there a reason you don’t use capital letters? It drives me crazy.

  201.  #201smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    The basic idea of a hamam is that you get steamy, someone scrubs the dead skin off your body and then washes you.

    well… I did not feel prepared for this at all! I THOUGHT it would be relaxing, however I couldnt be far wrong. In my innocense I did not anticipate being naked with my 2 best friends whilst being surrounded by naked moroccan women. I felt uncomfortable yet giggly in my naked skin. I felt uncertain as to what would happen. Then a moroccon woman called my friend over, lay her over her knee and starting scrubbing with such vigour. It felt surreal, then it was my turn. We both giggled our heads off as were lay naked over the ladies legs whilst she scrubbed away.

    My skin felt beautifully smooth afterwards but oh what an experience!

  202.  #202bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm


    i love capital letters so much that i like to conserve them so that they get an extra Punch when i do use them : )

    to me, it looks like tall mountains. i like the rolling hills : ))))

    i feel excited to be asked about that !!

  203.  #203Tam on August 23, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    actually, I feel stuck and I feel anger.
    Because I am not really stuck.
    It might be because I leant forward yesterday with the message regarding the operation…I felt concern and would have felt better, had I hear that ‘all was well’.
    I am super-turned off, like my concern was disrespected. Yes, I feel unheard and disrespected.
    Not even in a romantic way.
    If I sent one of my female friends and email wishing them good luck for a little operation, and asked them that it would feel good to let me know all went well when finished and at home, I’d be majorly pi***d if I had heard nothing. Really.
    Next time he can have all his insides taken out and I will not feel compelled to inquire. Seriously.
    What was the previous post: ‘forget about him’.
    La – ti – da….off I skip….

    and no, I do not feel like helping him at all anymore, next time he asks I will ask for the conditions and if it is a side job – I need the money and can’t waste time on dilly-dallying when I could be working instead.

    That would feel good!!

  204.  #204bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    smile, that story is hilarious. that sounds really loving for someone else to scrub you like a bad baby : ) how sweet !

  205.  #205smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    go tam! I love the expression dilly dallying 🙂

  206.  #206Tam on August 23, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I’d feel all sexy and turned on if a man would reply:

    ‘Tam, thank you for your concern, all went well and I am at home resting’
    or something to the effect.

    That’s the kind of man I want in my life.
    🙂 🙂 🙂

    Else, I skip along happily and get to meet lots and lots of loooooooooovely men 😉

  207.  #207Tam on August 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    205…smile, it’s great isn’t it?! Except when you’ve been exposed to too much dilly dallying 😉

  208.  #208smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm


    The old moroccan lady kept squeezing my cheek like a grandma would and kissing my forehead to check I was okay! well i guess its one way to communicate when you dont speak the same language!

    I still feel giggly at the thought of what happened. I innocently thought I was going for a massage lol!

  209.  #209Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm



  210.  #210smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    tam, yes, dilly dallying can feel frustrating!

  211.  #211Tam on August 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    210…indeed..unless, well unless we turn the tables and do a bit of dilly dallying. I shall be indulging in a little dilly dallying perhaps….dipping my toes into this and that…hmmmmm
    yes, why not.

  212.  #212Daria on August 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Darkhorse – “It’s ok to change half way through?”

    yes a Goddess gets to change her mind at any time depending on her feelings, no explanation needed….
    ‘i dont feel good doing this anymore’

    sticking it through is masculine

  213.  #213Heart on August 23, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Smile – that spa-scrub thing sounds amazing! I want to visit Morocco.

  214.  #214smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    tam, that makes me feel like singing tra la la la la whilst dilly dallying!

  215.  #215Tam on August 23, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    214…yes, tra la la was something that actually sprung to my mind the other day…skipping, singing tra la la and dilly dallying…that would feel good.

    ‘yes a Goddess gets to change her mind at any time depending on her feelings, no explanation needed….
    ‘i dont feel good doing this anymore’ ‘
    – that’s the salient point – I couldn’t have said it better. I loooooove this!!

  216.  #216smile on August 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Heart, if you want an adventure and to experience a completley different culture (I’m English) then Morocco is your place. It feels so fun but in a scary, unknown way. it would have felt easier if I could speak french.

    Lots of the spas are just like ones you get in hotels, but we went to a traditional one used by the locals, a complete feel for the culture.

  217.  #217smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    mmm it would feel great to dilly dally and change my mind if i felt i wanted to 🙂

  218.  #218MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 2:11 pm



    you girls are making me giggle!

    Dilly dally and tra lala and MOUNTAINOUS capitol letters and old ladies scrubbing bad babies *giggles* and goddess gets to change her mind whenever she wants! Stinkin cute.

    So. Much. Love!

  219.  #219Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    I don’t think the boys will mind me replacing the pics of their dad with newer ones of them and us – they can go see their dad in person anyt ime they want.

    The reason i know my sister will pitch a fit is that she will look at it throught he eyes of a potential lover in my life- what will he think of so many pics on my ex still hanging after we have been divorced for years . . .

    Now that you mention it also sending a signal to the Universe . . . yikes – I do need to clean them out. I’ll make it a project. Maybe i can get a bunch of new pics this weekend at the cabin and on the boat – celebrating my son going away to boot camp.

  220.  #220Smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Calypso, I feel a spring clean in the air! Even though it’s summer lol!

  221.  #221Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Awww, hugs to myself. Feeling like a bit of an outcast today, yet also seeing how I contribute to it and how in some ways I want it, so that I don’t have to get caught up in things that might not feel good to me.

    I also can see how I am attracting this feeling of not belonging because I truly don’t really want to be caught up on the computer today.

    I would much rather be listening to music, dancing around my house, beautifying.

    or being outside, laughing with some friends.

    or being caught up in a creative passion.

    or making love.

    so many things I would rather be doing right now, so it makes sense that this situation isn’t really working for me.

    Perhaps the universe is hinting to me, hey girl, this isn’t your vibe right now. Go do something different!

    Okay, I hear you, uni. Gonna chase my bliss somewhere else today.

    But hmmmm, where to start?

  222.  #222Smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Out with the old, in with the new

    A face lift

    A revamp

    A fresh start

    Clear the cobwebs away

    Start as you mean to go on

    Turn over a new leaf

    Open the door to a new beginning

    A fresh start

  223.  #223April Rose on August 23, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Hi Imogen 🙂

  224.  #224MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 2:24 pm


    Your post speaks to me! I am dancing around right now cheering up. I am leaving soon to be outside.

  225.  #225Smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    222- smile, count me in!

  226.  #226Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Smile – I can feel it coming too 🙂

    I have been doing a lot of that lately anyway, which is how I suddenly realized how many pics i still had of him anyway – I actually had some in my bedroom on a book shelf that I never looked at – yikes! That can’t be good ~ I got those put away that day!

  227.  #227Smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    I feel too giggly to go to bed. I might read my book. It would feel relaxing. Night sirens 

  228.  #228Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Yay Miss Stix!!!

    I’m feeling very stuck and bored today.

    Really wanting to shift it.

  229.  #229Tam on August 23, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    I just raised my degree of difficulty up another notch.
    MrP is up the creek without a paddle.
    Aw. And he doesn’t even know it yet 😉

  230.  #230MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 2:38 pm


    Me too. Well stuck anyway. And “off”.

    Where does my cheery self go sometimes?

    I realize now that I have passed a solid 7 hours online. Frightening! On that note…

    What is this bright light burning my eyes? Oh it’s the sun 😀 I’d like to re-acquaint myself with it :p

  231.  #231Laughing Goddess on August 23, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Miss Stix:

    Have fun!!! 🙂

  232.  #232Smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    What to do with thoughts of him, when he enters your head!

    I just read this in my book and I felt an urge to share it with you.

    I didn’t like thinking about Adam. It didn’t make me feel happy. It felt painful. If he accidentally strayed into my head, he didn’t last 5 seconds, a bit like an overboard sailor in the icy waters of the Antarctic. Alarms would go off and a couple of burly security guards would be sent to chuck him out double fast.

    Not bad advice from a girlie chick flick!

  233.  #233Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 2:49 pm


    219 – I would remove the pictures with your ex in them if for no other reason than to make room for my new love, energetically.

  234.  #234Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    In my quest for organization at my house, I just cleaned and sorted my food cupboards. I have it all organized now so I know what’s in there and where to reach for it. Yay me!

    And I did some cooking, and I”m about to go swimming. But I wonder if anyone has any ideas how to make home fries taste like those at the restaurant? What is the trick?

    I sliced a baked potato, fried it on medium heat in oil with onions, and it is mush. I guess I need higher heat? Any other tricks?

  235.  #235Heart on August 23, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    #216 – Smile – will keep it in mind! 🙂

  236.  #236Calypso on August 23, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Radlove – I agree – can’t wait to do it now!

  237.  #237Smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Radlove, I do them in the oven. I slice the potato, brush with oil, sprinkle with paprika if I fancy then wack em in oven for 20mins on a hot heat to make them go crispy!

  238.  #238Smile on August 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Sweet potatoes are delicious!

  239.  #239Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Sirens – this is a relationship forum…Not a cooking show 😛
    but yes

  240.  #240dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    thank you daria. that makes sense. my feelings fluctuate all the time, i thought for stability i had to make a decision and stick to it but i see that it can change based on circumstances and my feelings around them.

    i don’t want ‘sticking it out’ i want to feel good and appreciated and valued and seen and taken jewelry shopping instead of sticking it out doing boring financial tasks to show my love .. ugh.

  241.  #241dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    radlove i am impressed that you organized all your food!

    i put the oven on very hot say 450, slice the potatoes, drizzle some oil and salt and pepper on them and leave them in there until crispy.

    i also slice the potato in half and then slice it all along the top but not all the way down so its like an accordion … put a knob of butter on top and then later some parmesan or grated cheese .. yum! good with sour cream too …

  242.  #242Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    #232 Smile – where is that from?

  243.  #243Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Heart 239

    This made me feel giggly, I actually started laughing.

    It’s also about what makes us feel good. Even if it’s not a person. Sweet potatoes make my tastebuds feel satisfied.

    What feels good to you?

  244.  #244Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 3:11 pm


    237 – Sounds good! Thank you! Yes, I like sweet potatoes, too!!!

  245.  #245Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    I am the sweet potato….
    (doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as yummy pie..)

  246.  #246Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Heart Marian Keyes, watermelon, pg 485.

    I bought a chick flick from the airport. Thoroughly enjoying it. Not read one in a while

  247.  #247Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Dark horse,

    241 – Oooh, that sounds gooood!

  248.  #248Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    I am the strawberry cheesecake! Oops, no, that won’t work – I look too much the shape of a cheesecake right now. 🙁

  249.  #249Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    # 243 – Smile :
    CuddleyGrinch feels so Good.

    But Enough about men. Hmmm light breeze feels good…males my skin feel tingly.

  250.  #250Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    245 Tam, my chuckle button was pressed with this comment. I’m giggling all over the show tonight! Feels like my shackles are being lifted.

    Thanks sirens

  251.  #251Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    makes…not males…LOL! …oh god…

  252.  #252Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    #245 haha! Tam

  253.  #253Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Heart you have males on the brain! Ha!

  254.  #254Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Ah smile, great! I am back to giggling too….especially as there are 4 men on POF and three male friends on fb counting down the days till I get to Fl.
    Hilarious…and great, just in case I forget when the time comes to go to the airport. This is funny!!!

  255.  #255Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Radlove- I had to get a tissue to wipe my laughter tears away.

  256.  #256Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Smile – it was a typo!…honest (freudian typo …)

  257.  #257Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    I feel a sulk from MrP over the recent discovery of my POF profile….let’s assume he really hasn’t seen it before, or for a long time..it would explain a lot…..well, matey, got to start swimming in the pool with the other fishies now…

  258.  #258Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    May our laughter, smiles and giggle vibes radiate out of us!

  259.  #259Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Tam… MrP?

  260.  #260Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:36 pm


  261.  #261Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    We renamed him from Mr Unavailable to Mr Persistent since he keeps popping up.
    The latest, guess you were on holiday, is that he wants to know when I am coming back and whether I can help him with selling his stuff..I don’t know yet.
    His way of saying ‘I want to see you’
    But tired of having to translate everything!

  262.  #262Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Lg and Radlove thank you for your words and advice….

  263.  #263Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    Hahahaaaaaaaaaa Heart, I just had a laughing fit!!! Mr Potato – haaaaa!!

  264.  #264Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    This is beautiful…he’s gonna go into a double sulk now because everybody knows exactly when I am back and he doesn’t – one of our friends will tell him and he will sulk forever now because I am ‘secretive’ with him apparently…

  265.  #265Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    234 Radlove try using regular butter to fry them

  266.  #266Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    While he’ll be a-sulking I’ll be frollicking

  267.  #267Daria on August 23, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Brenda – Id cook the potatoes raw, not after baking…

  268.  #268Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Yes, raw….for the cooking show, not the men 😉

  269.  #269Dominique on August 23, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    April Rose – 96 – I used to have this problem but found with those have a good connection with, really only K, I sleep beautifully if not better with him there. It’s like energies meshing, and sometimes when I have trouble sleeping, his energy soothes me back to sleep.


  270.  #270Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Tam, ah a name change feels appropriate.

    Loving your style, feels flouncy! (if that’s even a feeling lol)

  271.  #271Daria on August 23, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    fry the potatoes

    i feel cruious to fry them in lard when i get home that will be yummy… actually i have goose fat from my mom cooking goose on thankgiving

  272.  #272Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    I like hearts name suggestion. Mr potato lol.

    Tam, 268- my cheeks are cramped from laughing.

  273.  #273Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Yea Tam…I agree with Smile….he needs a new name.

  274.  #274dark horse on August 23, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    mr potato is pretty funny!!!

  275.  #275Heart on August 23, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Tam – not Mr.Potato though…Lol Smile

  276.  #276Smile on August 23, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Still giggling my head off

    Heart, he went from being MrU to MrP while I was on my hols, which is why I was confused,

  277.  #277Tam on August 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    I am feeling flouncy…I have no idea how that feels!!! We can make it up!
    MrPotato…hmmm… Poor guy, ha!!
    I can think of lots of words with a P now but it would gete stuck in moderation…ahem!

  278.  #278Dominique on August 23, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Miss Stix – I feel concerned that you think you are not whole and that others are. Healing is a life long process. There will always be things to work on, and this is a good thing, a great thing.

    You CAN come together with a man and still have plenty to work on. When K and I came together, I was an awful mess and had a whole lot of stuff to deal with inside myself. Though we were good from the beginning, things only got hugely, wonderfully better the more I healed. And he healed right along with me.


  279.  #279Tam on August 23, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    He’s had a new name, how many new names does one need?! You see, now he is getting too much attention from you lot too, MrPain in the…..brain?!

  280.  #280Smile on August 23, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    I feel satisfied I’ve finished my book. Sleep would feel great right now. Laughing feels exhausting lol. Night sirens. I feel thankful for the giggles.

  281.  #281Tam on August 23, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Going to sleep before I start dragging the blog down with more silliness…night my lovelies!!! X

  282.  #282Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 4:04 pm


    265 – Thanks!

  283.  #283Tam on August 23, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Oh smile, great minds think alike 🙂

  284.  #284Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 4:04 pm


    267 – Ok, thanks!

  285.  #285Smile on August 23, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Dominique, thankyou for this final though before I sleep. 278

    Even though it’s for miss stix, it reminds me of the advice you have helped me with in past posts about healings.

  286.  #286Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I think I’m such a wonderful person! 😆

  287.  #287Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Radlove thanks for the ideas about communicating with moms. My mom does a lot of shutting down and zoning out even when im really using feeling messages and acting calm. If she had to deal with anyone’s feelings but her own.. She’s not able to.

    She on the other hand cries at the drop of a hat and is sarcastic (angry, passive aggressive). When things are fine and emotionally neutral she is just about the nicest person you could meet.

    I guess I have to accept her for how she is. I feel empty not having a mom that can handle emotion. My dad is pretty awesome though.

  288.  #288Daria on August 23, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    I think im a wonderful person too! 🙂

  289.  #289LoveAlways on August 23, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    Tonight I am leaning back, putting some space between me and HScd. While he leans in hard, I feel a rubberband situation about to happen. I know this can be negative voices working on me, so I’m just going to lean back and take some time to myself – keeping busy to keep a bit of distance for today. hhhmmmmmm

  290.  #290Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    I feel panicky and competetive with people. I feel scared that I will never reach my goals.

  291.  #291Emerson on August 23, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    It’s been a rough day

  292.  #292MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 4:31 pm


    Thank you! This makes perfect sense to me.

    Yep…So much sense that I have nothing else to say 😀 Just thanks!

  293.  #293Daria on August 23, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    yay i just did my 2 minute movement and i am now HEALTHILY provided for!

  294.  #294Daria on August 23, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Daria takes loving care of me

  295.  #295MissStix on August 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Dear MissStix

    Stop force feeding yourself healing, and just live your life happily.

    Am I resistant to being without problems to work on…Interesting thought.

    Just the other day I felt like I was really “getting it”. Just let yourself get it. Why the worry?

    No regrets. No more issues. Tantalizing! I like that thought.

  296.  #296LoveAlways on August 23, 2012 at 4:37 pm


  297.  #297FlowerChild77 on August 23, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Daria…what is your “2 minute movement”? Just curious…

  298.  #298Dominique on August 23, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Radlove – 234 – Try slicing then very thinly, and place on a buttered or oiled piece of tin foil or a baking sheet, and bake at 400 until browned and crispy. Be careful not to burn them. Sprinkle fresh or dried herbs over top before baking if you like. Or salt and/or pepper.


  299.  #299Dominique on August 23, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Smile and Miss Stix – 🙂


  300.  #300Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 5:13 pm


    287 – That is hard. I feel for you.

  301.  #301Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 5:20 pm


    288 – LOL! I think Miss Stix, BLOOM-ING, Emerson, Feminine Woman, Dominique, Rori, Laughing Goddess, Calypso, Heart, Dark horse, Belle, April Rose, Miss Bells, Smile, FlowerChild, Annie, Jilly, Tam, Imogen, Butterfly Wings, Emoticon, Francesca, and all the other Sirens are wonderful women!!!

  302.  #302Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 5:30 pm


    298 – Thank you! Sounds mouth watering!

    I really appreciate all the wonderful ideas for potatoes today! I’m going to save them all in my computer “recipe” file folder and try them these different ways now and then!

  303.  #303Brandylion on August 23, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    FW #42 & 48:

    I felt such a pang of fear reading your comment about what one might have to give up to choose relationship, and then I read:

    “You give up sleeping by yourself
    You give up making decisions by yourself
    You give up going off on your own with noone to answer to.
    You give up spending all your money on whatever you want, whenever you want.

    There is a lot you give up/tradeoffs to create harmony in a partnership.”

    and I didn’t feel afraid anymore. I didn’t even think about those kinds of things as things I’d have to give up to choose relationship, and they are all things I feel good about giving up/trading off.

  304.  #304Jilly on August 23, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    (((Radlove)))) 🙂

    Dominique…I love that…Rugby Man’s energy is very soothing to me too!!! 🙂

    So this post really resonates with me…

    This morning Rugby Man sent me my good morning text, since he’s gone for a week, and he said he hopes that I am having a better time than him.

    I expressed “yes, things feel really good here, what’s going on down there baby?”

    He said things were taking longer and not going smoothly…

    I replied that if anyone can make things run smoothly it’s him 🙂

    He responded with “thanks baby, I hope that ends up being true”

    Then later today he texted to let me know that he DID fix the problem!! oooohhhh…he’s my hero…I feel so smiley and melty seeing him all “puffed up” and doing a good job…


  305.  #305Daria on August 23, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Flower Child – it’s primary back stretch from T-tapp

    it feels SOOOO healing my shoulder was hurting all year and then my arms and wrists were starting to after prolonged computer use

    i did it on 3 separate days and now yay it feels all healed even after lots of compy!

    and the rest of my body feels ??Yummy strong

    except i feel a bit sad that its making my legs a bit skinny over the kneee

    love to me even skinny


  306.  #306Femininewoman on August 23, 2012 at 6:38 pm


  307.  #307luzydel on August 23, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    The more I settle to live my present and accept things as they are, the less pressure I feel in my chest. I am single and I love being single, I am happy for what I have, my potential to take care of me.

    I am accepting my solitude and I am happy…

  308.  #308Daria on August 23, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Daria thanks for considering a way to honor my intention about my desired shape i wish to radiate and also my health and great feelings

    i hear the nvs taht their not compatible and i am reminding myself that that’s not true

    actually i bet i can get even more in charge of my shape by practicing with awareness

    i can tweak my movements and change it

    yes if i add the extra moves i will get the nice thick thigh shape and i dont have to worry about lean thigs

    oh im so sorry you feel bad daria i know how much you love your thick thighs


    i don’t want to stop doing the movements this time, that didnt feel good

    what will feel good is i promise to do the movement that also keeps your thighs thick

    AND that will feel fun!


  309.  #309Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    I struggle with stuck energy all the time. I feel very resistant to washing the dishes right now.

  310.  #310bloom-ing on August 23, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    daria, i think pregnant women are beautiful too

  311.  #311Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 7:52 pm


    Someone I don’t know is calling me on Skype. Does that happen to you much? If so, do you pick up? I keep declining and he keeps calling back.

  312.  #312Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 7:54 pm


    310 – I want to be pregnant.

  313.  #313LiliBee on August 23, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    Just got back home from golf practice.
    2 friends joined me and my gf.
    It was so much fun.

    I’m so happy to get to hang out with these 3.
    They are fun and have great conversation.
    I observe and learn to loosen up and be more expressive with them.

    I feel alot better, alot lighter.
    They helped to get me out of my head.

    I need to take that with me when I am with a man.

  314.  #314LiliBee on August 23, 2012 at 8:14 pm


    Laughing Goddess! That is sooo meee!

    “And she says when things aren’t going well we tend to get into fight or flight mode. She says many of us bounce back and forth between the two, fight and flight and that we are often one-foot-in and one-foot-out of the relationship.”

  315.  #315Daria on August 23, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Radlove – not too much… i can block people too if ppl are contacting me i dont want

  316.  #316Radlove on August 23, 2012 at 9:17 pm



  317.  #317Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    omgosh i ben looking at dance vidoes all nite

    looking at the miami stripper girls they do get to dance hard core too mm i feel excited i just learned some dance movs

    and also triggered remembering that one florida guy i liked who i only met once

    getting all inscure


    wow you’re fine and amazing and fly Daria!

  318.  #318Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    707: Confused76 says:

    What if when a guy tells you I will call, but he text instead. Rori is responding to his text leading forward? Or should I just not responded until he called?

    Thursday, 23 August 2012 @ 5:58pm

    708: Rori Raye says:

    CConfused – texts are GREAT!!! YOu have time to construct a simple, lovely Feeling Message. ALWAYS respond when a man calls, texts or emails (if you like him). Love, Rori

  319.  #319Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    after practicing some dancing from the youtube videos the past few hours…





    thicker than a snicker

  320.  #320Daria on August 23, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    yay im doing it im doing the wiggle thingy i can feel it hahahhahaha

  321.  #321Stargirl on August 24, 2012 at 2:32 am

    I feel triggered by number 2. I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years! He was one of those guys who said he didn’t believe in marriage. Ugh my chest feels tight about how my past self just thought he would change his mind. Idealisticly believed it would all work out. It feels icky to think that he didn’t trick me, but I was tricking myself the whole time. I feel sad that he didn’t choose me. hurt and shredded a little.


    But that was back when I was constantly leaning forward. That could have been the reason he didn’t choose me. I didn’t even let him pleasure me in sex.

    The men we attract when we lean forward are supposedly not as masculine as those we attract when we lean back. But he seemed so masculine and yummy! He did not take care of me, though. I feel sad.

  322.  #322Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 3:58 am

    All the Sirens are asleep. I feel lonely.

  323.  #323Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:00 am

    Why is it inappropriate to tell R I feel lonely?

  324.  #324Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Why am I up so early? I don’t know. I don’t know why sadness feels so pervasive. I spend a lot of time building myself up to counteract the negative voices of the past. I can’t do that every waking hour. Why is it

  325.  #325Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:12 am

    a constant struggle to stay upbeat and joyful? It’s like depression is a state of being for me, having been raised by a clinically depressed mother. Childhood was full of her sighs and black comments about how sad all of life is.

    I perpetually replace that — what has become my self talk — with positive, happy, hopeful words. Is it possible to replace my default mood? I don’t want to live sad.

    People contact helps shake me out of it. But it isn’t realistic to seek out people contact every waking hour either.

    This feels vulnerable to share, when I’d rather convince people that I’m normal. But I think this is at the core of all my emotional issues and relational issues, like why I tend to lean forward so much.

  326.  #326Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:19 am

    I feel fear in the presence of people, like I’m going to be yelled at any second. I feel so frustrated that I can’t just walk away from childhood, that it’s so much a party of my subconscious.

    Rori talks a lot about baby stepping out of our cage, shifting our vibe, trying new activities and NW visualizations.

  327.  #327Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:21 am

    NW = new

    I’m on my phone, and if I hit the wrong button, I can’t get back to where I was typing.

  328.  #328Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:30 am

    I can barely imagine what it would feel like to wake up feeling happy and excited. A lot of times I fake it till I make it. More often, I wake up feeling dread. I feel overwhelmed with my life, and I feel incapable of functioning at 100%.

    My life is so back logged that I need to operate at 150% to catch up. I keep trying. Once a friend came over to help me organize. She said it’s not that you’re not trying, it’s that you’re trying so hard, trying to do more than you’re capable of.

    I feel scared to touch these deeper weak parts. I want to stuff it down and anesthetize the pain with food, friends, a full schedule, sleep.

    What would feel good is to be held and caressed for hours. That feels unattainable. Sorry lil girl, childhood is over. You have to live your life in sensory deprivation.

  329.  #329Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:33 am

    I need to be touched. How do I enter into a relationship feeling whole when I don’t feel whole?

  330.  #330Tam on August 24, 2012 at 4:37 am

    ((((radlove))))) i struggle also with some of the stuff you describe, I think many of us do.
    We can only do the best we can in this life, to try and make ourselves happy.

  331.  #331Smile on August 24, 2012 at 4:42 am


  332.  #332Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:42 am

    I feel scared of people. When I’m around people, bad things happen. I want to heal that belief. I don’t want to live in fear.

    Some men scare me, too. I feel overpowered by them. I want to snap on them to show them they have no power over me. I want to swear at them because I feel powerless.

    What would powerful, stable, and secure look like? How could I bring it about?

    I don’t want R our this blog

  333.  #333Smile on August 24, 2012 at 4:44 am

    I have a lot of stuck energy today too. I’m in work trying to get organised but it’s overwhelming me. I need to do all my holiday washing, shop, clean etc but I dint feel like doing anything.

  334.  #334Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:45 am

    or this blog to be addictions. Yet they are. You ladies are vet kind. But it’s an underlying cause of issues between R and me.

    I don’t get it how to operate in a relationship as if I’m perfect when I’m far from it.

  335.  #335Smile on August 24, 2012 at 4:48 am

    I’m in work alone, the building is empty. I’m listening to the radio but I’m attaching alsorts of feelings to the words in the songs. I don’t want to think about relationships right now but the songs are making me. I don’t want to turn it off because it will be too quite. I feel empty in quietness at the minute. I have too much of it in my house living alone 🙁

  336.  #336Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:48 am

    Hi Smile,

    What holiday?

  337.  #337Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 4:52 am

    This is pathetic but this is my deep truth…I overeat because food touches me. It feels like a caress. I feel stuck, and I don’t want to go on feeling broken inside.

  338.  #338Smile on August 24, 2012 at 4:55 am

    Radlove, I’ve just got back from morocco! Spent a week there staying in marakech and a few days trekking in the atlas mountains.

  339.  #339Daria on August 24, 2012 at 4:57 am


  340.  #340Smile on August 24, 2012 at 4:59 am

    Radlove, can you take your dogs for a walk or swim in the bay to distract yourself?

    334- searching for perfection will drive you crazy! Love your flaws xxx

  341.  #341Daria on August 24, 2012 at 5:07 am

    note to myslef to remember taht even just one strong dancing session will return my body to that shape i like yum

    yay i can do all stretches and im in charge of my body and im smart and creative and healthy too

  342.  #342Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 5:07 am

    So I put pressure on my relationship with R out of my neediness. I can pretend I’m the warm, soft, open, free, pleasurable sandy beach, but I’m like a child just needing to be held.

    I wonder if this is why professional massage is so popular, because maybe a lot of people feel this way? It feels sad to have to pay a professional to have basic human needs met.

    Sometimes when a caring friend merely pats my am, it feels like a jolt of electricity. I feel so unused to being touched by human beings.

    Early in my dating, in my late twenties, I was in a night club with a man. He had me hold up the palm of my hand to his, to compare the size of our hands.

    It felt so alien that after he removed his hand, I sat there still holding up my hand. I felt almost hypnotized by human touch. He folded my hand with his, playfully telling me I could put my hand down now.

    What’s the solution for me? I feel way unsafe with new CDs. I don’t want sex. I don’t want to be taken advantage of, that is. I want to be held and touched gently. I need that.

  343.  #343Smile on August 24, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Bruno mars- marry you!!

    Is this radio station having a laugh! This triggers my feelings 🙁 I want to have someone sing this song about me

    Not sure how to feel about how I’m feeling?????

    I need to switch my thinking!

  344.  #344Dominique on August 24, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Femininewoman – 48 and Brandylion – 303 – I don’t think I gave up anything at all to have a relationship, one that has exceeded any wants I carried. It has only added. Sleeping alone? I feel much cozier and safer sleeping with.

    I still make all of my own decisions aside from the ones I want input from him, and when it involves both of us, it’s a fun thing not a burden. I don’t feel lacking or having had to compromise ever.

    I have no desire to go off on my own, but if I did, he would happily give me the time and space to do so.

    I get to spend his money instead, and there’s more of it. lol. I always ask first though.


  345.  #346Smile on August 24, 2012 at 5:11 am

    Radlove, this is basic human need. I feel starved of touch too. When we were on the plane I hugged my friend as she said something nice. When I moved away she said no stay there that felt nice. She hasn’t had a boyfriend/date in years and years!!! I wonder how she feels about this?

  346.  #347Daria on August 24, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Radlove – i feel so excited now that i can finally RECEIVE that touch i was craving

    i have almost EVERY CD massage me! the one’s im not yet feeling turned on with, i just say it would feel so good to have a shoulder massage!

    it WORKS for me! man does it! i miss it! hehe

    thers alsot he Chi Gong Deer Exercise, and that really soothes my hormones – they say meditation is like sex in terms of emotional and health benefits… and this one is all about sexuality

    yum thank you Daria for considering doing this movement for me!


    all those tantric exercises Charu teaches also feel awesome… just wiggling my body or else rocking my pelvis get me that soothed loved body feeling

  347.  #348Daria on August 24, 2012 at 5:17 am

    this feels WAY better than calling up Getright man to hang out with him so i can bleed my heart, and after wind up bruised


    way better

  348.  #349Smile on August 24, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Radlove- I thought I was going for a massage. See post 201!

    This type of touch did not feel relaxing at all lol!

  349.  #350Sassy on August 24, 2012 at 5:31 am

    Radlove and Smile,

    I am right there with you. I feel your pain and
    sorrow and that desperate need for touch.
    I believe there are millions of lonely people
    in the world even in the presence of many others.
    I choose to keep giving thanks for all of my blessings
    every day. Gratitude is essential and keeps me
    grounded in being happy. Although I feel overwhelmed
    with all that is going on in my life, I can only
    try to prioritize and work on the most important
    things first then move on to the next.
    Much love

  350.  #351Daria on August 24, 2012 at 5:45 am

    i feel unheard a bit… interesting…

    i feel sad


  351.  #352Smile on August 24, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Daria, I feel intrigued to give this kind of movement myself. I feel curious to what it would feel like to treat myself in this way

  352.  #353Calypso on August 24, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Happy Friday, Sirens!

    I’m looking forward to my date tonight with JC. It turns out that my best friend’s dad knows his dad . . . they grew up in the same small town near here. I now have confirmation that he comes from a good, solid family. They own 123 acres of land near here too, which doesn’t really matter, but somewhere in my soul I find comfort in knowing that. Stability and roots . . . I like that ~

  353.  #354Daria on August 24, 2012 at 6:06 am

    i feel S
    OOOO happy learning and hearing intersting stuff that expands my power to heal

  354.  #355Daria on August 24, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Smile – well the Lady Deer Exercise only takes about 5 min… and it doesn’t feel too much like anything ‘big’ while im doing it…

    its the AFTERWARDS where i feel soo nourished in myself

    oh i love my body yum body

  355.  #356Smile on August 24, 2012 at 6:11 am

    I will feel good to treat my body to the lady deer exercise after work 🙂

  356.  #357Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 6:20 am

    I feel curious to understand all this. I feel at sea. I feel scared, like the ground is being pulled out from underneath me.

    I feel scared of him.

    I feel relieved when I think I might see him and I don’t.

    Shouldn’t I feel more disappointed than relieved?

    With this other guy, I always feel disappointed when I don’t get to see him. Never relieved.

    I feel relieved when I GET to see him. Like my whole being can finally rest. I feel relief from life or something when he walks into the room.

    I feel FEAR when I think I’m going to see this still-available guy.

    I feel RELIEF when I see this unavailable guy.

    I felt RELIEF when my guy friend who makes me feel completely confused got engaged after seeing her for only 2 months.

    With yet another guy from my past, I felt SHOCKED and ANGRY and I felt PURE GRIEF when he got engaged.

    I feel judgmental of my feelings.

    I feel like I’m “supposed” to feel a certain way with “the right guy.”

    Like, I’m supposed to feel disappointed when I don’t get to see him.
    and I’m supposed to feel excited and happy when I get to see him.

    That’s how I want to feel with the right guy.
    That’s how I DO feel with this unavailable guy.

    I wonder if I would still feel that way if he were available?
    Or would I feel fear at seeing him, and relief at not seeing him because of my fear of commitment?

    I feel sad.

  357.  #358Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 6:25 am

    The paralysis of analysis

  358.  #359Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 6:26 am

    “Desperate need for touch”

    The energy behind these words feel so draining

  359.  #360Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 6:37 am

    I feel intrigued by this conversation about touch. Non-sexual touch is so important, but our society has made everything sexual, and sex is so taboo, and so everyone is almost scared to touch other human beings.

    Technology hasn’t helped. We listen to music and read kindles and do everything we can to avoid interacting with new/unfamiliar human beings because of all of our fears and judgments.

    There is no fear in perfect love.

  360.  #361Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 6:38 am


    You might find that eliminating many foods will quickly shift your mood and lift your depression and make you feel WAY better.

    The most common irritants are:

    Eggs, dairy (cow’s dairy especially – many can handle goat milk products and raw milk products), mushrooms, yeast, GLUTEN is HUGE, especially for your thyroid, wheat in general, and you may have a few specific ones that register high.

    There are many ways for you to do an elimination diet to find out what may be bothering your system.

    Also – have this holistic doctor check you for yeast (candida) and if that’s a problem – working on clearing that out will DEFINITELY help your mood.

    Fungal infections and bacterial infections that are difficult to test for can be at the bottom of a lot of this – and just cleaning yourself out gently over time sounds like a no-brainer kind of way to go…

    6. Focus on all the exercises and Tools we worked on that bring you back to focusing on YOU and not HIM…

  361.  #362Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 6:42 am

    I feel so moved when a friend rubs my shoulders when I’m conveying feelings of fear and uncertainty.

    I feel moved when a sweet, too young, male college student gives me a random hug.

    I feel moved when someone plays with my hair.

    My mom never played with my hair or did anything with my hair.

    I used to feel so jealous when I would see my friends’ moms gently brushing their hair, braiding their hair, or even just being gentle in general.

    This feels so sad that so many people feel untouched.

  362.  #363Daria on August 24, 2012 at 6:49 am


    for me technology helps me meet hundreds of new humans in person 🙂 yay without much effort from me at all!!! woo hiee doohiiieeeee

    i love this connection

    i feel so happppy i feel this way about it!


    i want to take photos of me hugging my computer lol

    and i also use salt crystals and i want an onix pyramid to heal and tune the emissions from the electronics

  363.  #364Daria on August 24, 2012 at 6:50 am

    i just had the thought that my computer LIKES this!!!

    i love you computer!

    thank you for being here and bringing excitement joy beauty to me



  364.  #365Daria on August 24, 2012 at 6:52 am

    the difference when i eat a completely natural no chemical meal i feel immmediately and it lasts a few days

    i will do this twice a week and of course more!

    and soon thats all i will be ingesting YAY

  365.  #366Daria on August 24, 2012 at 6:52 am

    eating cartilage and esp tripe has also soothed my membranes yum

  366.  #367Daria on August 24, 2012 at 6:53 am

    if i were a vegan id do it eating avocado, saurkraut, what else

    coconut… buttery stuff

    mmmm i would aslo want to eat pineapple

  367.  #368Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 6:54 am

    that feels curious, Daria. and it makes me feel happy to have a different, more positive perspective about it. 🙂

    “and i also use salt crystals and i want an onix pyramid to heal and tune the emissions from the electronics”

    this makes me feel giggly, because it reminds me of Napoleon Dynamite, when Kip was trying to use the time machine he bought on the internet, and he forgot to add the crystals. I never understood that part, but apparently there actually is something behind it!

  368.  #369Emerson on August 24, 2012 at 7:01 am

    269 Dominique
    I agree
    I felt great sleeping next to recycled. I felt safe. I miss that feeling

  369.  #370Emerson on August 24, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I love Napoleon !!

  370.  #371Daria on August 24, 2012 at 7:03 am

    i feel soo happy i made a PLEASANT me loving ‘routine’

    as in im taking 2 hours to ‘wake up’

    and also 2 hours to ‘go to sleep’

    and there are 2 hours around ‘midday’

    and i can use that time for self care, nourishment me time specifically

    and in between theres periods of 4-5 hours where i can do … also whatever i want

    i really like the 2 hour thing i feel my body feeling relief

    i feel so smily

  371.  #372Daria on August 24, 2012 at 7:13 am

    lamabutterfly – electronics run on crystals and metals, usually gold and diamonds

    they’re arranged by a (man) i believe… and so the pattern they make might not be quite ‘tuned’ to the natural world

    which means the radiation they put out might be dissonant

    natural beings can be harmed as the radiation heats up our cells (similar to being microwaved)

    there are devices to tune and absorb the radiation … usually big salt crystals or other type of crystal/stone

  372.  #373Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I just need to write about this because it feels curious and I want to understand.

    My freshman year of college, there was this guy who I sat close to every single day for a whole semester and who I had a huge crush on, and he had a crush on me too.

    I felt this chemical reaction to him. I don’t know how else to explain it. It was an amazing feeling, but very chemical. I thought he was the one, I had never felt so sure.

    Now that I’m older and he’s been married for years, I know he’s not the one. I feel like I know him better, from a more detached perspective.

    He had lots of anger issues. I don’t even think I had tapped into my anger back when we were close.

    His anger used to scare me, but it was never directed towards me, it was always directed towards himself, and always when he felt like he had failed at something.

    At a slim, lean, extremely athletic 165 lbs, he told me once that “he used to be fat.”

    He was always really hard on himself in athletics.

    When I was younger, I used to be such a perfectionist, but when i got older, it’s like I almost went to the opposite extreme of neglecting like…everything. Grades, housework, and especially myself.

    I feel attracted to perfectionists. I am a perfectionist, deep down, and maybe that’s why I’m so hard on myself.

    Balance would feel so good.
    Working hard, taking care, without becoming so…obssessive.

  373.  #374Daria on August 24, 2012 at 7:15 am

    aslo i imagine the computer doesn’t like feeling dissonant from nature and also verbally abused for it (oh this computer is hurting me etc)

    i used
    Rori’s compassion to inanimate objects tools

  374.  #375Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I put on about 15lbs my Freshman year, and remember feeling so embarassed when I was eating a lolipop while sitting next to him and him saying “You really shouldn’t be eating all that sugar.”

    It was triggering, because my Mom was always on top of me and telling me how guys wouldn’t like me “if I let myself get fat.”

    This was back when I was a whale of a 135lbs. (I’m being sarcastic.)

  375.  #376Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 7:34 am

    9 people got shot in the Empire State Building

  376.  #377bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 7:41 am

    (((((((((((((Femininewoman)))))))))))))) (((((((((((((((((((humans)))))))))))))))))))))

  377.  #378Daria on August 24, 2012 at 7:48 am

    lamabutterly – im working thru this too by giving myself “permission” and not pushing myself

    right now i creatively created a routine for myself – Willingly – for the first time ever

    the routine is all about gently caring for me and it feels ‘different’ than routines i would have imposed on myself from ‘have to’s’

    im feeling loved

  378.  #379MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Good morning sirens!

    I have not caught up yet. Just thoughts swirling around my brain.

    Yesterday was strange. So many emotions and motions and feelings. Then all it took was one sentance from one person and wooosh! It all fell away. Wait, what? What is my problem now anyway? I don’t have a problem. Then I saw an inspirational picture that spoke to me and I made up my mind!

    In this moment, today I do not want to get married. Ever. That feels ahhhh and light. It feels good because it is not attatched to negativity from the past. It just is what it is. mmmm. I like my decision.

    Every day G adds at least 10 prickles to his afterwork cactus persona. Don’t touch! Ouch. Grumpy man. Geez. Just needs a holiday this man of mine. He is fully ready for our trip this weekend!

    Practice practice.

    Yesterday. Prickly G. 4:30 pm. Out on the deck. Asking me loaded questions. Snappin’ at me for no reason. Asked me what I did all day. Attitude. Told him about my day. Rolls his eyes. “Did I not do enough today?” “What the f*uck are you talking about?”. Prickles. Ouch. “Well I can sense this anger towards me and I don’t like it.” 5 minutes of silence. Me breathing. Loving my emotions. Feeling them. Feeling increasingly relaxed by the minute. G says “Hey…I’m sorry if I implied anything…”. I say “ok.”. Relaxed. Calm. I wait a minute. Say nothing. Get up, and go inside to do yoga.

    Halfway through my yoga I hear him walking around the house. “Oh there she is! I’m sorry. Are you ok baby?” I keep stretching. “mmmmm yep.” Kiss my cheek. Yeah. You don’t get to talk to me like that bucko. You get no rise out of me. I am calm. I am serenity.

    A few months ago I would have gotten my back up, and started to explain all the things i’ve been doing to make this weekend happen and make this lead-up work week more pleasant for him. But those things matter very little to him compared to my happiness, so I did not do that! I feel proud of myself. Go stix! No fight arose. In fact I felt very few negative feelings. I just didn’t like his prickles pointed at me. I told him. I moved on. He sought me out to make sure I was ok. And I was.

    The simplicity is delicious and golden. I thought getting it would be more triumphant…It’s kind of just there. It does not feel triumphant. Though it feels good. It’s just simpler than I thought, and that’s ok. I no longer need great struggle and great triumph. I just need peace and stability. I find that within myself.

  379.  #380Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Interesting – maybe because of what I am focussing on? bloom-ing the hugs felt like shouting when I looked at it first. Thanks for the hugs.

  380.  #381Daria on August 24, 2012 at 7:52 am

    the origins of war in child abuse… i listened to the first audio and it felt … exciting to learn…

    i got triggered at the end a bit as i want to nurse and co sleep and i felt confused if he was jduging those things… maybe he was talking aobut situations where it does become ‘mother neediness’ past the desires of child

    much talk about war goddesses and how war is viewed in terms of goddess

    feels like amazing knowledge for me in the path to healing and peace


  381.  #382April Rose on August 24, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Hello Miss Stix,

    I feel smiley seeing you post 🙂

    In Rori’s teleclass she mentions how to deal with men who are in a bad mood. I wrote down a few notes about it. Would you like me to post them?

    I’m not taking anything away from you. It feels really good and light, how you dealt with it.

  382.  #383MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 8:12 am

    April rose

    of course!!! please do 🙂 I still love to learn! It will benefit everyone else to read as well, i’m sure!

  383.  #384Tam on August 24, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Miss Stix, amazing!

  384.  #385Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 8:17 am


    350 – Thank you!


    349 – Yes, I read that post yesterday laughing the whole way through it! It sounds like some comedy scene off a hilarious movie! A fantastic reality for sure!

  385.  #386Emoticon on August 24, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Hey Sirens!!!
    I enjoyed reading this article. Especially the first fact about men….. Makes me feel a little less under pressure to impress LOL.

    Hope everyone has an enjoyable weekend. Im going to see my family out of state this weekend and it feels bitter-sweet. On one hand i feel happy and excited to see everyone, especially my grandmother. The TENSION is what I’m afraid of. Im really rooting for one of my cousins to stay in school, i feel sad and that its unfair for my aunt to take her out of school. Sometimes i feel like my mom, my grandmother and I are the same person and the three of us in one are the only ones who care about her. Her father (my favorite uncle) is dead and her other abandoned her as a baby. I feel guilty for judging my aunts, but I can’t feel 100% happy if one of my closest cousins and best friends is suffering and that makes me feel really angry at all of them.

  386.  #387bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 8:23 am


    your idea of hunger for hugs brings a whole ball up for me. a whole tangle.

    the same kimya dawson song i’ve been singing for days in my little brain:

    And the soul that’s hurting just keeps on searching
    For ways to fill the emptiness but the pit is bottomless

    You can’t fill it with hugs
    You can’t fill it with drxgs
    You can’t fill it with booze
    You can’t fill it with food

    You can’t fill it with isolation
    You can’t fill it with self-mutilation
    You can’t fill it by always running away
    You can’t fill it by finally deciding to stay

    what i want to say to you is, i don’t think being hugged & touched is what you need, any more than what you “need” is a big slice of pie (i do love pie)

    you’re already whole. you don’t need anything.

    feels a bit “far-off” for me right now myself, but i do believe that. ((((radlove))))

  387.  #388Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 8:24 am


    347 – 348 – Thank you so much! I will definitely check it out! What a creative solution! I really have been wanting to learn more about Tantra anyway.

    I don’t feel comfortable asking a man for a massage because he always, across the board, gets sexual with it. I feel bored with men pressuring for sex when there is no love, no trust, no intimacy built. There was a time I would welcome that, and did. It just feels empty now. I have never been in a massage situation with a single man that did not turn sexual.

    Very good point about not bleeding your heart to a male friend only to feel hurt. I’m glad I didn’t blurt it all out to R this morning, because I was texting him before and after the time I was letting it all hang out on the blog.

  388.  #389Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 8:27 am


    330 – Thank you. It feels comforting to know I am not alone. Altho I don’t feel good to think of others in pain and loneliness, too.

  389.  #390bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 8:31 am

    i realized yesterday when i try to inhale my love for something & exhale it as love to myself, i can literally barely breathe. not only does it feel extremely manual (not automatic) but i notice my chest constricting & my nasal passages collapsing, as though my body does not wish to allow it.

  390.  #391Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 8:31 am


    338 – That I should have known, about you being in Morocco. What an exotic vacation! I forget that in some cultures, “holiday” equates to “vacation”. In my world, holiday is an annual celebration, such as Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year. Thanks for the hugs! And you, too, Daria!

    Hugs to both of you!

  391.  #392bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 8:33 am

    in fact, it was the first time i had ever felt my nasal passages constricting, except for allergy-triggers like blowing weeds or cut grass. it was a really strange sensation.

  392.  #393MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 8:35 am


    Thank you!!! ((((tam))))

    I think the most amazing thing is that it’s not really that amazing lol I mean…My former self would have been in awe of me right now. But me right now thinks “Gawd. It really is so simple.” Much simpler than getting all tied up in knots and being worried constantly.

    I give myself permission to let go of the last string in my ball of knots. 🙂

    Anyone can do this. Just takes time and practice and patience.

  393.  #394Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Radlove – yes men get turned on by touching me 🙂

    what helps me is to remember that im not to judge them for that (lest i want to be judging myself for my own sexuality)!

    when i don’t feel comfortable being touched too sexually, i keep it at a SHOULDER RUB

    this works so well for me

    when the man gets more turned on, or his touch doesn’t feel good anymore

    i simply say thank you and stop

    it feels wonderful to have this power to receive this way, and say no and stop when i want to

    very different than tolerating a touch that feels icky


  394.  #395Tam on August 24, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Still, Miss Stix, it reads like ‘aaaaaah’ – and I hope to be able to do the same when faced with that kind of situation…and actually feel the relief like you did, not anxiousness…

  395.  #396Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:41 am

    blooming thank you for sharing that…

    im doing it with love for my godbrother whom im thinking about a lot and pining to help him with advice and to encourage/pressure? him to get back close to my godsister (they’re the parents of my godson)

    i found i felt my sadness deeper as i turned the love on me

    perhaps i want to encourage MYSELF? to create a way to provide for myself as i would encourage him to provide for her?

    and a way to point out when im not being respectful to myself, as i want to encourage him to point out to her?

    i feel trembly


  396.  #397Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:43 am

    wow blooming this feels Transformational

    thank you for sharing this tool

    its shifting my perspective

    – i can suggest that perhaps your allergies may be a result of a trauma that is getting accessed using this tool

  397.  #398Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:44 am

    and that’s why they feel so similar to what you are feeling now

    i would energy shift, love, and breathe through it

  398.  #399April Rose on August 24, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Notes from Rori’s teleclass:

    If a man is out of sorts, i.e. not in his happy, loving vibe, do NOT try to cheer him up.
    Meet him where he is. If he is bummed out, you say “oh crap, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling.”

    Meet him there and stay quiet. Don’t ask him for anything. Don’t ask him to change anything.

    If you’re in a car, and he’s driving erratically, you’re gonna have to say “you know, I don’t feel comfortable. Can we just stop and have a coffee for a while?”

    If he’s just in a slightly icky mood, you just stay happy. My favourite tool is ‘clean out your purse’ and you can do this in the car. Completely busy yourself. Don’t try to start a conversation, don’t ask him what went wrong. Nothing.

    Believe it or not he will start talking to you. And, once he starts talking you have already dialled him back to his love channel.
    You lean back, you smile, you appreciate him. Tell him he’s beautiful. Tell him how much faith you have in him, and how smart he is. Not because of what happenned earlier, but because of what he’s doing for you now.

    He will be thrilled because you are a woman who isn’t trying to fix him.

    Whatever is going on with him, it is not yours to fix, and the moment you try he’s gonna get angry with you.

    If he’s angry say “Wow. I hear how angry you are. Today must be really shit”

    Don’t take it personally, and don’t try to talk him out of it.

    Stay warm. Don’t go cold or angry. Don’t go into fixit mode.

    The fastest way to shut somebody down is to try and fix the unpleasantness. Just live in the unpleasantness. Flow with the good times and the bad. Don’t try to fix every unpleasantness and make it into a good time.

  399.  #400Radlove on August 24, 2012 at 8:46 am


    387 – The lyrics to that song are clever. I think you shared that the other day, right?

    When I took psychology, they told of a cruel experiment done to test sensory deprivation. A newborn monkey was giveng all she needed for physical health: a bottle, a dry comfortable habitat, etc. But she was removed from her mother, just given the bottle attached to an inanimate object.

    She failed to thrive, and eventually she died. It proved that emotional needs need to be met, too. I so related to that monkey. Thank God, I had a Mom and a Dad. But they were so emotionally damaged themselves, that they gave little physical affection, eye contact, or verbal affirmation. I grew up feeling unloved.

    I remember when I was 16 just having a meltdown on my bedroom floor, crying and crying convulsively. My parents rushed in to see what was wrong. I said, “I don’t feel loved!”

    They both sat with me for about an hour, rubbing my back and reaffirming over and over how much they loved me. It was my first awareness that something was missing.

    In my 20s, I read a book about having your love tank filled. The scenario that fit my life was my Mom was so needy herself that she drained my love tank, rather than filling it. She still has that tendency, to just suck me dry emotionally.

    For example, Wednesday night on my one hour drive to R’s house, I called my Mom twice, getting the voicemail, probably because she is hard of hearing. She called me twice when I was a few minutes from his house. She couldn’t hear me.

    Finally, she called back right after I picked R up. I said gently, “I’m sorry, Mom, I”m not able to talk now. I’m with a friend.”

    She yelled nastily, “Well, maybe I’ll die soon. Then you won’t have to worry about talking to me!” It came out of nowhere and was totally undeserved. I just spent the entire day with her on Sunday.

    In the past, this sort of thing would put me into a state of guilt, like my life and my plans weren’t important at all. I would have dropped everything and gone over apologetically. It took me years to get the strength to not let her turn my plans and my feeling of well being upside down. I still feel hurt about how she treated me so nastily for no reason.
    I believe we DO NEEEEEEEDDD human touch. I feel very intimate with God. But I need human touch. I think that’s why God gave us people.

  400.  #401Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Radlove – the ‘bleeding heart’ i described is what i feel when i get around Getright man, and it feels sooo lovely

    its that oxytocin bath

    since i was leaning forward to do so (over the past years) and wound up feeling bad…

    i’ve realized that it doesn’t feel good, as wonderful as it feels in the moment when it reminds me of feeling loved and at peace

  401.  #402Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:50 am

    oh my lil heart i feel so moved

    this Blooming tool of inhaling my love for others and exhaling to myself is showing me my heart



  402.  #403bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 8:50 am

    yeah, i always felt scared outside since i’m small & not super-paying-attention (a little spacey-minded) & so i got hurt a lot – both just by myself (falling, running into things) & also in “play” with other bigger more competitive winning-minded children. so i can see how i would feel “allergic” to that. also, i remember that i used to think i was “allergic” to orange flavoring, & the only thing i can think of that connects with that is that this boy i Loved in preschool (we got “married” lol) only ever ate orange-flavored popsicles. lol… hm

  403.  #404Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:53 am

    (((((my sadness)))))

  404.  #405Tam on August 24, 2012 at 8:53 am

    I am sick today, sore throat, stuffy nose and tiiiiired. Got myself to work and back, now home trying to relax in my little room.
    Been overdosing on sugar but allow myself to indulge today with just a little bad conscience.

    Dishonesty never wins in the long run – see Lance Armstrong.

    I feel sad hearing the neighbours shouting and screaming in fron of their kids. Messy, creating more messy souls like me. Trigger. I want to take the kids and run. Come with me so you don’t end up like me when you are grown. (((little kids being disturbed)))

    Still no word about MrP and operation but he has been online all days, so he is alive. No need to confirm it. No need for him to confirm it. Yes buddy, save your time chatting up other women online cause it’s going to be such a struggle for you to get back into my heart…. new girls will be easier, this one sets you free.

    I wonder if now, finally, I am ready for real relationship like many years ago… I was also always petrified of getting pregnant. Deep down I knew that my issues would have made me a messy mother…so I never wanted kids. Now I see that I am open to kids. Wow. I just have to re-program my learned patterns and wipe out the bad models of relationship that I saw in my family. Start on a clean slate. I could do it. I no longer feel paranoid of getting pregnant. I could do it. I may not, but I could.
    I feel free to choose what I want!!
    I feel free to release men who might cause me to ‘hang in’ something that leads nowhere…I am not immortal. I am not able to be a mother forever. I don’t want to ‘regret’ or waste the best years of my life on a ‘dilly dallier’.
    I see more and more signs of aging in my face and body….it shows me that I don’t want to wait for anybody to be ready. I am ready.

  405.  #406bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 8:53 am

    i feel embarrassed that i’m so klutzy.

    that’s a little lack of self-love i see – i intend more caution with myself. thank you

  406.  #407Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:54 am

    its shifting im smiling


  407.  #408Daria on August 24, 2012 at 8:56 am

    a woman who FEELS … im getting that

    this that im listened to about how boys need more empathy and get less

    triggering and healing

    they shut down

    they want to be close to a woman

    ohhh im a woman who can feel im safe


  408.  #409bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 8:58 am

    ((((((daria)))))) i feel good that breathing is powerful for you too…

  409.  #410MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 8:59 am

    april rose

    Thank you, thank you! I’m really glad you posted this. It gives me so many more ways to deal with myself when he’s feeling grumpy.

    The trickiest part for me is when he actually does point the anger at me. I believe my particular man needs an outlet. He picks and pokes and prods. It makes it extra difficult to believe it is not about me. I just had to keep reminding myself over and over and keep practicing separating myself from his anger.

    At this point it is much simpler because after so much practice it is pretty much a given that it’s not about me. It has been shown to me over and over. He just wants an outlet. I repeat this like a tantra. I will not become the outlet. I will not allow myself to rise up to the fight. I am calm. I will only express what I feel and what I don’t like. Then I will move on and simply allow space and time. This diffuses him practically in the snap of my fingers.

  410.  #411Daria on August 24, 2012 at 9:00 am

    this Blooming breathing tool feels so powerful.. simple and gentle way to get my energy flwoing on me

    im using it with my love for everything

  411.  #412MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 9:06 am


    I like your realizations, decisions and affirmations about being a mother!

    I like this too “New girls will be easier, this one sets you free.” Very nice!

  412.  #413Sunshine on August 24, 2012 at 9:09 am

    I feel stuck because an amazing dancing event is going on tonight, dancing is my passion and I feel so excited about it. However, the guy I broke off my relationship with a week ago might be there…like a 30percent chance. I dont want to see him. I dont want any negative feelings and triggers and I dont want to feel uncomfortable and angry and hurt etc. I really want to go!! ugh this feels so annoying..then part of me thinks I should get really cute and go and if hes there ignore him and just do my thing…but then I feel like that is my false proud self telling me that. I feel motivated to go and hope for the best and that hes not there. If hes there I will feel my feelings and evaluate if I should leave or not…..sigh

  413.  #414April Rose on August 24, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Miss Stix,

    Thanks for your appreciation. I feel happy to be helpful.
    For some reason that was the part of the teleclass that I wrote down word for word.

    Oh, I have one more snippet that I wrote down. I may post it later.

  414.  #415Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Sunshine I say listen to some Rori CDs an hour before the event, then go like a ROCKSTAR

  415.  #416bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

    My parents rushed in to see what was wrong. I said, “I don’t feel loved!”

    They both sat with me for about an hour, rubbing my back and reaffirming over and over how much they loved me. It was my first awareness that something was missing.

    — radlove…. i feel so confused about this. i understand that you felt & feel that your parents are not capable of giving you the love that you truly crave…. i almost feel like “only you know the shape of that hole in your heart” – only YOU know the touch & words you need. i hear you also that you’re practicing self-love. & i do truly feel (sad monkey story aside for a second) that i could create a feeling of satisfaction & peace for myself in any situation… & specifically the monkey situation – it’s not just that the monkey was removed from other monkeys. the monkey was positively abused & put in an environment where its life wasn’t recognized as valuable by the humans around it.

    snippet from Harry Harlow wikipedia article:

    “Harlow was well known for refusing to use conventional terminology, and instead chose deliberately outrageous terms for the experimental apparatus he devised. The tendency arose from an early conflict with the conventional psychological establishment in which Harlow used the term “love” in place of the popular and archaically correct term, “attachment.” Such terms and respective devices included a forced-mating device he called the “rape rack,” tormenting surrogate mother devices he called “Iron maidens,” and an isolation chamber he called the “pit of despair” developed by him and a graduate student, Stephen Suomi, now director of the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development’s Comparative Ethology Laboratory, at the National Institutes of Health.

    “In the latter of these devices, alternatively called the “well of despair,” baby monkeys were left alone in darkness for up to one year from birth, or repetitively separated from their peers and isolated in the chamber. These procedures quickly produced monkeys that were severely psychologically disturbed and declared to be valuable models of human depression.”

    this – to me – reads as an example of the many ways in which post-descartes philosophies & academics CRUSH the creative energies & fold them down on themselves.

    bly writes about descartes’ dreams – in one of them, one side of his body is literally caved in on itself.

    food IS alive & full of love. so are rocks, computers, policemen, me, you. so you can love & get love anywhere everywhere all the time.

    that’s what i believe… (((radlove))) (((me)))

  416.  #417Tam on August 24, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Thanks Miss Stix, all a bit of a sore topic…. My own mother never wanted me, so I guess subconsciously I was afraid of repeating the pattern….but I feel free due to realising a lot about me lately….
    It feels good to be open to anything!!!

    Yes! New girls are always easy… in the sense that new men are easy – no (messy) past together. I can work through the mess, and grow, but I can’t make others do the
    same. And I fiiinnallllyyy realised that this year! 🙂
    Concrete block dropped off my chest!!

  417.  #418Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:16 am

    “Stay warm. Don’t go cold or angry. Don’t go into fixit mode.”

    Thanks April Rose. This jumped at me as in “so when I get angry, I am doing it to myself. It is not just a feeling I have no control over.

  418.  #419Sunshine on August 24, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Femininewoman, I will! thanks! i got the cutest outfit its a peachy strechy eighties skirt and a blue poka dot dress top…very bright and very me:)

  419.  #420bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

    i’m not hxting on descartes either – just saying that’s it’s a pretty new idea to differentiate so emphatically between Human, Animal, Mineral so to speak…

  420.  #421MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

    april rose

    I’m realizing how important this is for every woman. We have 3 choices: Rise up to a fight. Try to cheer him up. Or allow him to just be, and focus on our own peace.

    I choose to live within #3. Not for his sake, but for my own. Allowing him space and the diffusing of his anger is a nice side effect for both of us. What it’s really about is not allowing his emotions to become my emotions.

    If you do get a moment I would love to read whatever else you have as this is my most important tool.

  421.  #422bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:21 am


    “it’s all love, help yourself…

    “got a thing for those women that don’t like themselves. it’s time to loosen up your hair or tighten up your belt. cuz this time is a good time for good times… duh duh duh duh duh”

  422.  #423bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

    & he’s not saying he likes women who don’t like themselves, he’s saying the song is a gift for them. aww, tears.

  423.  #424April Rose on August 24, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Yes, Femininewoman,

    I’m pretty sure if I have an angry response to an angry man, I am doing it out of habit.

    I don’t find it impossible to keep myself neutral, or happy. So yes, when I get angry, I am doing it to myself!!! And probably enjoying the buzz.

  424.  #425Tam on August 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

    I used to be a woman that didn’t like herself.

  425.  #426Sassy on August 24, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I’m afraid I don’t understand why the phrase “desperate need for touch” feels draining.
    My top two love languages are quality time and physical touch. So being in need of touch is critical for me. I’m not necessarily talking about a sexual need although that does factor in. But, I am very affectionate and right now I am suffering from a lack of that due to the circumstances of my life.
    Touch is a human need. It has been proven that babies fail to thrive and even die when they are not touched.
    I don’t want to set off a firestorm here, I am talking about what I need.

  426.  #427Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I used to run on that adrenaline buzz. I was addicted to it.

  427.  #428Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Sassy those are mine too. Desperation, for me, drags down every thing. It is a mindset and thought pattern I believe to be kinda like an addiction that I am choosing to move away from. Desperately needing anything or anyone for me is synonymous to codependency. I prefer to set myself free.

    I feel free – aaahhh that feels so much better

  428.  #429bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:34 am

    i feel angry to hear about “needing” “someone else” to fulfill needs. why is that ? well, omg, what if you end up in tsing tsing in an isolation cell ? what in the wide world will you do then ? just call god, & be like, “um, god ? this isn’t fair” idk why that triggers me so hard… (((me))) (((humans))) (((all the rocks & trees & birds)))

  429.  #430bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:35 am

    i want us all to feel OK in every circumstance

  430.  #431bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:36 am

    & i spelled “sing sing” wrong. “right” way looks wrong too to me. oh well

  431.  #432Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I feel like a free spirit, flying above with outstreched wings, lythe as a feather, looking down at humanity. Not even needing physical form. That is how I am feeling in this moment and it feels exciting and exhilariting.

  432.  #433MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 9:36 am



  433.  #434Miss Bells on August 24, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Oh dear–the car I bought because I loved it and everything apparently checked out actually has a blown head gasket or possibly a cracked head.
    This will cause a pretty large fee.
    But–HS is hassling me, telling me I am an adolescent-blah blah blah.
    I said no-A grown up doesn’t care what people think and is able to make a decision. I qualify on both points. It is my car, and my money to fix it. I don’t want to hear how stupid I am. I love the car–I like the way it feels, I like the way it drives. My intention is to keep it for many years. I want him to stop talking about it. I’ll have it back and repaired in about a week. So, there really is no problem.
    I think I will go elsewhere for a bit.

  434.  #435bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

    i want to be able to feel beautiful & free

    starving in prison

    i want to feel grateful & loved

    being beaten & rxped

    those are way up there…

  435.  #436MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

    femininewoman 432


  436.  #437Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

    My spirit is free. I am spirit, having a human experience. I am in charge

  437.  #438April Rose on August 24, 2012 at 9:38 am

    I have the most trouble with “don’t try to fix the unpleasantness”

    Although for the last week with WM, I dwelled in an unpleasantness of a hereto unknown magnitude. I felt too afraid, turned off and past caring, to try and fix it.

    Feels like we are through it now. Since we were ‘forced’ to cooperate on a project this week, and I was more helpful than usual (I felt less stubborn, and less like dragging my feet – which infuriates him).

    Since yesterday he is hugging me and being warm.

  438.  #439MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Chores and music and blog in between.

    This feels nice!

    I am so excited to head to squamish tonite! Squeeeeee! 😀

  439.  #440Smile on August 24, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Radlove 391


    I also misunderstood you Wanting to make chips. For me chips are fries, not crisps lol. Which is why I recommended for you to use the oven lol!

  440.  #441Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Miss Bells how about just agreeing with him. Tell him he is right and just go do something else? It changes the pattern of arguing back and take the winds out of his sails.

  441.  #442Sassy on August 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

    FW, thank you for clarifying. I admit I am still codependent, and trying to heal.
    Bloom-ing, I’m sorry the need I have for touch angers you. It is a physical need, a true craving my body feels. I have no control over that need. As for tsing tsing….not really planning on doing anything that would land me there!

  442.  #443Tam on August 24, 2012 at 9:45 am

    ‘desperation’ will never inspire anyone to give us what we need, because if we are desperate the need and fulfillment of that need lies within us. To search it in another person is the biggest mistake bringing us down…and taking us far far away from what we really need.

  443.  #444Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:47 am

    “I have no control over that need”

    I have control. Need, desperation, addictions I wave my wand, I make you small. magic.

  444.  #445bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 9:47 am

    sassy, no need to apologize to me : ) you are not the only one expressing your feelings in that way either. i didn’t intend my words as a “reaction to” or “comment on” your self-expression.

  445.  #446Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I am in charge of me

  446.  #447Miss Bells on August 24, 2012 at 9:56 am

    #441 FW–I like it! THe truth is that nothing money can’t fix has happened, and it’s none of his business, really.
    I like what you said–it’s a vibe shifter!

  447.  #448Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Yes Miss Bells shift your vibe. Some of your words come across as prickly and hard edged. Reading your story I can understand why. But it will affect whoever Mr. Right is so yeah shifting vibe is good.

    I felt constricted around “none of his business”. Remember men like to fix. He has to be himself. I assume he doesn’t know how to be anyone else.

  448.  #449Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:09 am

    I am thinking of shifting vibe like sliding on ice – ooops – away from his defensive/critical jabs- oops – that does not feel good. In a playful manner.

    I don’t have to get defensive and get wrapped up in his emotions. I can stop myself.

  449.  #450Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Start appreciating, out loud, what a man does for you, gives you, says to you, or even gives up for you. Tell him how it impacts you. Does it make your life easier or more enjoyable? It can feel a bit contrived at first, but you can do this authentically.

  450.  #451MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Last of my laundry in. Vaccumed everything. Plucked my brows. A song from my wedding came on the radio and I sang out loud gleefully.

    Finally finished my finger/toenails. Hot pink fingers. Bright orange toes. Normally I would paint intricate designs but I kept it simple. A little pearly glitter on the tips of my fingernails. A couple white flowers on each big toe. Feeling bright and vibrant and my nails match 🙂 mmmm

  451.  #452MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 10:20 am


    Nice visual! Likes.

  452.  #453Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:22 am

    So he will be coming at some point to collect his furniture/ belongings.

    The last couple of times we’ve met we haven’t talked about the relationship. We have a bit over text though.

    It would feel good to share my feelings with him.

    I Want to translate this into a feeling script.

    I feel apologetic for the times I felt controlling to you. I accept my flaws. I want to move forward with what I have learned. I feel grateful for being made aware of this.

    How does this sound? I want to keep it short as I want to have a face to face conversation about this. I don’t want to put the blame on myself, just accept my part of where it went wrong.

  453.  #454Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:23 am


    Hope you feel better

  454.  #455Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I feel apologetic – to me this is not a feeling. Also are you the type who tries to convince?

  455.  #456Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Tam, I feel your vibe has shifted towards mrP, I can feel/sense your difficulty has been raised.

  456.  #457Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Emancipate yourself from mental slavery. None but ourselves can free our mind ooohhhh

    Won’t you help me sing, these songs of freedom……

  457.  #458Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Hm, but I want to apologise? Or let him know I am aware of things now which I hadn’t realised before. Yes, convincing was part of my down falls.

  458.  #459Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Thinking of Dancing Siren in Scotland.

  459.  #460Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Feeling regret, maybe?

    Or just I apologize for being controlling. And thank you for sharing.

  460.  #461bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 10:30 am


    for some reason, i think “i’m sorry” are kind of magical words… : )

    i might say, “I’m sorry if at times I felt controlling to you… I feel grateful to be moving forward with a new awareness of this in myself.”

    what do you think?

  461.  #462bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 10:32 am

    all i ever have ! redemption songs

  462.  #463Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:33 am

    “If he is bummed out, you say “oh crap, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling.”

    I totally get this. I see so clearly how I do this so easily with guys at work. Guys I have no romantic interest in.

  463.  #464Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:33 am

    Yes, maybe a little regret, actually feels more like appreciation? If the break up hadn’t have happened I would never have been made aware of the undesirable behaviours I was displaying. I only saw things from my point of view.
    I’m feeling thankful for him showing me the error of my ways. But I’m not blaming myself I’m just accepting my flaws.

  464.  #465Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 10:34 am

    love bloom-ing. Smile I would totally go with bloomings feeling message

  465.  #466Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:35 am

    Blooming, I wanted to say I’m sorry but changed it to I feel apologetic…

    Maybe I need to not try and make everything a feeling. I’m learning.

  466.  #467Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Great- thanks FW and blooming 🙂

  467.  #468Tam on August 24, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Thank you FW and smile!!!

    Urgh, smile, wishing you much strength for when he comes to collect his stuff…

  468.  #469MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 10:46 am


  469.  #470Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Thanks tam, who knows when this will be. I’m letting go of controlling needing to know this. But I want to feel prepared. I dont have to be out till nov but if I don’t start packing/moving now I would feel stuck. I need to take action, not just sit and wait for November to arrive.

  470.  #471Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Thanks miss stix, I feel supported.

  471.  #472Smile on August 24, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I’m feeling productive. I might sell some of my things on eBay. I won’t need them when I move to mums. It would feel better to have a fresh start when I eventually buy my own home.

    Has anyone got experience of selling on eBay? Does it feel a lot of hassle?

  472.  #473Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 11:09 am

    So, what’s the difference between being Unsatisfiable and Insatiable?

    I think they are actually the opposite side of the same coin. Here’s one perspective:

    When we are unsatisfiable we tend to not get filled up by the desires that are being met. We immediately jump to wanting more and ask for more from a feeling of lack, or missing. We expect our desires to be met by action from others and when they’re not, we complain.

    When we are insatiable we stop to allow the fulfillment of our desires to nourish us. We bask in the pleasure. Once we do that, we open our hearts to wanting more and vulnerably ask for that desire to be met. We do not expect our desires to be met, nor do we expect to get to the destination on our desire train. We also take pleasure in the desiring, not just the receiving.

    That’s my take. What do you think?

    Any experiences you’ve had that shed more light on this for all of us?

    With love and insatiability,



  473.  #474Daria on August 24, 2012 at 11:10 am

    that recording i was listening to has SO much on NV’s and alter egos and etc

    i totally see myself in some of those

    i feel shook up

    i feel excited

    i feel thrilled that i get such interesting resources for healing show up for me

    i feel scared


  474.  #475Daria on August 24, 2012 at 11:15 am

    some of my dear friends are in prison.

    i want to feel comfortable with the thought and i feel so triggered

    i feel scared of being in prison

    i want to feel happy anywhere and i ‘get’ that and even feel it most of the time

    when it comes to prison though i still want them OUTTA there

    i want me not in there

    i feel cryiyy feelings

    i ffeel sigh

    i want to think of them as happy and in one esp triggering case i dont

    i also want to be able to speak of this in a way that is heard and felt

    i want to encourage my brothers

    i will now breathe in the love for them and breathe it on myself

    this audio really brings home how these mind frames and stuff is all about my childhoold and me

    i feel curious if one totally healed human will heal the world?

    if its that powerful of creating the world

    non abused people then only see joy and stuff

    so wat about the rest of us

    i feel squeezed inside in my left side

    i feel trembly

    i feel captivated

    oohhh im one of those “alter” “trance” states described

    hmm i feel more in me

    now i feel outta me again

    i feel head up tongue out

    i feel like running away from this thought

    i hear who cares

    i love me

    i feel sad


    this feels really challenging and painful for me

    i want to tap for the stuff in my amygdala and its probable enlargement

    i want to tap on being sent alone to my room and feeling lonely as the precursor to my fear of prison

    i feel sad

    i intend to heal

    i intend to be consciously aware that im healing

    by writing this




  475.  #476Daria on August 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

    redemption songs

    i want tredemption songs

    im crying im ‘triggered’ ie im in my alter/aspect maybe my fearful one



    ill never get this done


    i know about past life traumas too

    heal brain And body


    what ive done in this life is enough as far as putting energy into the world

    ‘owe the world my gifts’

    ppl say i have such good energy

    i can heal this

    i can receive this healing

    i feel scared

    to trust now

    did i ask my fetus to die for me?

    he died for me on his own

    psychopathic voices?

    healing voices?

    real spirits, imagined projected terrors?

    i can heal all

    i can choose what i believe

    ok that feels restful

  476.  #477Daria on August 24, 2012 at 11:21 am

    i want to be held and given soothing knowledge right now

    i intend to do this for myself


    you are infinitely smart and powerful

    oh yeah

    hehe margaret lynch said that

    her last name is LYNCH


    back to healing

    healing not projecting not blaming not punishing

    for comitting violence from being abused

    healing healing

    infinitely smart

    infinitely powerful




    that feels good

    and oh yeah i have that image and feeling the man gave me of brazil, of voodoo of the waterfall and the dark green jungle plant

    and the waves of smiling women singing and walking

    heal heal heal

    they are happy

    im going ‘thru’ one of those ‘disassociative states’ right now

    and me typing is doing something different

    so im healing


    actually this feels way simple

    i dont have to do anything!

    only express my feelings as im doing now wow!

  477.  #478Daria on August 24, 2012 at 11:22 am

    different choices in hell than in heaven?

    choose the one that feels good transforms hell into heaven babystep babystep

    im good

    everything is good

    so what if after death feels lovely

    i will not kill myself


    i feel glad

  478.  #479MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 11:23 am


    Hmmm I like this! I agree. This speaks to me!

  479.  #480Daria on August 24, 2012 at 11:25 am

    i dont feel safe going there

    i feel safe going there and that feels like smiling and giggling

    of course im in charge

    of all of me

    i dont feel safe – amygadala tummy say ‘remember past experience’

    im choosing to heal that now

    i want to heal and understand this more thank u

  480.  #481MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 11:30 am

    This song came on and kicked me up another notch. Who knew there were more notches :p

    I’m feelin sexy a free
    like glitter’s rainin’ on me
    You’re like a shot of pure gold
    I think i’m losin’ control.

    I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air
    now i’m breathin’ like i’m runnin’ ’cause you’re takin’ me there
    dontcha know
    You spin me out of control

    Boom me like a bass drum
    sparkin’ up a rhythm

    rock my world into the sunlight
    make this dream the best i’ve ever known
    dirty dancin’ in the moonlight
    take me down like i’m a domino

    Don’t know if I got those right (from memory). ooo G just texted me “How’s R______ on CaMpInG DaY??? :D”

    I shall reply “Fan-freakin-tastic! :D”

  481.  #482Calypso on August 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

    I’m looking forward to my date tonight, but I sure wish he was taller . . . he’s about my height, so if I wear heels . . . I’llbe taller. It makes me feel geeky and awkward when I dance with a man and I’m taller than him . . . :/

  482.  #483Daria on August 24, 2012 at 11:31 am

    hearing these audios would deterr Anyone from hitting or withdrawing from their children on purpose

    oh wow

  483.  #484MissStix on August 24, 2012 at 11:35 am

    And on that note I have to take off to run errands! I hope all sirens feel free and alive this weekend. (((sirens)))

    My weekend will be full of music, friends (my cuz is even going yay), and the great outdoors! Stoked.

    Back monday xxx

  484.  #485Smile on August 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I don’t want to feel masculine and controlling in a relationship. I want to feel feminine and …

  485.  #486bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 11:39 am

    i don’t want to leave my man.

    sigh & i do.

    don’t right now. wanna go home & cuddle & connect & plan our future together.

    feel desperate & whiny that my parents will never think this is the right decision. feel desperate & loud & grabby that i keep begging all the humans for advice.

    there is no authority outside of myself. i have to reconcile with myself.

    i need early mornings, stretching, “news” or calm voices talking to me about interesting things – used to be the buddhist recordings, used to be old time radio, used to be npr, used to be audiobooks – wonder what would feel good now. need good food. need new work. better work. lots of writing. less money is ok.

    feel straight terror.

    wondering if i am strong enough.

    told him i feel terrified to commit to you. told him i want to but i don’t know if i can.

    please please please help me thank you

  486.  #487Smile on August 24, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I’ve stayed in hotels the last 5 weekends. I feel glad to be in my own house this weekend. It’s my plan not to have many plans. I’ve felt busy the past few weeks. I desire some relaxing alone time with a few outings in-between. That would make me feel good. I feel calm and chilled. I might light a candle, that will help me to relax as dusk falls.

  487.  #488bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 11:43 am

    i feel icky & stuck imagining going home & nothing changing. changes i want are not really “in the home” changes i want are in my work life. in the world. in the cities. in the schools.

    no one will like me. no one from my “old life” will respect me anymore.

    feel like i will have to move away, start over. sad parents hxting me for ruining my normal life. climb climb climb little girl – see, all these ladders we built for you ? we did it as a gift for you. you are an expert climber. there is no top, but keep climbing anyway. it won’t be better or different as you go, but keep climbing anyway !

    sigh help

  488.  #489Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I feel sad and angry and curious. It feels like so much of the responsibility, forward motion, good stuff of the relationship depends on the woman.

    She moves first by opening her heart. She speaks her feelings FIRST, and then he understands them LATER. MAYBE. If she doesn’t open her heart, if she doesn’t speak her feelings, nothing happens.

    What is his role? He pursues, IF she’s open to being pursued.

    He thinks for the relationship, but ONLY when she has allowed the relationship to happen, by TALKING about it. He makes plans, IF she smiles and feels good around him and trusts him to do all that. He is action oriented IF she allows.

    but it all depends on her.
    and that feels scary and too much to me.

    if HE has issues, it’s like, she has to be the communicator.
    What if SHE has issues?
    Does HE know how to draw her out of her shell?
    No, the woman has to be able to communicate and feel for the relationship.

    It feels really unfair and unbalanced.

    Having never been in a real relationship, I feel completely in the dark. I feel ignorant. I feel confused.

  489.  #490bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

    my mama has a harsh voice too. a man voice she used on me a lot.

    i want to kxll my man voice, except i love it too.

    my mama used her man voice on me two nights ago, she said, please choose a normal life. live a normal life.

    i hxte cd’s work voice. he uses it on me a lot. “the cat got scared when you jumped like that” oh eff the cat – i’m dancing !

    am i strong or am i weak ? neither.

  490.  #491Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 11:47 am

    blooming I am wonder if you could create a safety bubble around yourself regardless of where you are?

    Wondering if your home could include a Goddess shrine where you retreat to rejuvenate yourself each day? Wonder if cd could commit to respecting that space and never disturb you while you are there?

    What kind of mental options/escape can you create for yourself?

  491.  #492Smile on August 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Lamabutterfly- in my opinion it’s worth it! You get so much more back in exchange. In the right relationship that is. Stay feeling positive to what your heart desires 

  492.  #493bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

    i like living up up up in the mountains, with animals

    i told my friend my dream & he goes “you’re weird, but don’t be that weird” omg sad girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  493.  #494Smile on August 24, 2012 at 11:50 am

    I believe I’ve read something from dominique about it feeling ‘unfair’ but worth it.

  494.  #495bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 11:54 am

    the secretary at our office told me “this time you really have to leave, otherwise people will stop taking you seriously” OMG REALLY ???? scary but funny too…

    i don’t know why i tell everyone my business. i want open sharing. i like to hear other humans’ reactions. maybe i like “drama” – maybe i like “gossip”…. maybe that’s why i like to come hear & listen to the drama fall around me…

    i’m a storyteller too. i love to tell & hear a good story.

    anywayz, i know gossips about all the humans in this office & not even from trying. i never ask. i care, but i’m not even curious.

    also i want to leave this job anyway. i’d leave today if i felt sure about my bills & ish.

    i better apply for jobs <- that's a loud voice in my head. somehow, it doesn't feel like the "right" way to go about it… i feel curious & open to hear more about that if any of you silly people in my brain heart know …… ???? HELLO i'm urgent & impatient & scared. yuck !

    mama judging me. mama so nice ! she wants me to be happy & safe & successful………… but ……… she values different things than i value. thank you for noticing.

  495.  #496bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 11:55 am

    thank you, femininewoman…… i DO have options like that

  496.  #497Tam on August 24, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Lama, quite right.
    If she has issues too, it’s all a disaster. I had extremely understanding and stable loving men in my first relationships. Now I had my own issues exposed by men with issues.
    I don’t think it is possible to have a deep and meaningful relationship with anyone without working on one’s issues. I let nobody close to the real me and attracted men that were the same.
    Big Bang….Boooom!! Big disaster.
    Answer: heal ourselves first, get on it.

  497.  #498bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 11:58 am

    i feel like telling him, “i just have to get away from you & this house until i find a way to make dollars that SATISFIES me – doesn’t make me pxssed off & victim-y feeling” oh little girl. that’s so “on you” huff

  498.  #499bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    gosh i feel angry at having a loving family who feels so strongly about “what i do” & “how i do it”

    BUT omg i’m feeling so inspired thinking of my cousin… running off to Peru to teach art : ) omg she is so amazing….

    & her parents refused to give her any money, so she worked odd-jobs on craigslist ….

    wow. there is always “another way” isn’t there ?

    btw she is YOUNGER than i am ! (((cousin)))

    even she doesn’t totally “dig” my Relationship… hm

    there is no authority outside myself. i must reconcile with myself.

    i don’t want her to leave the country. seems “stxpid” to go alone somewhere she barely speaks the language & seems “risky” as a “career path” – just turning my judgment/judged inside-out. i love her

  499.  #500Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Sometimes I feel like when I communicate with a man, it freaks him out, because I am so intuned to feelings and everything that’s going on underneath the surface.

    I don’t like feeling that powerful.
    but I am that powerful.

    I like it when the man feels like the powerful one.

    I feel so sad.
    I’m just thinking about three “imaginary” relationships that COULD have happened, and in every single one, I felt unsure and scared.

    and the very next “REAL” relationships the men were in, they married the girl.

    but I always felt like they were looking back at me with a curiousity/sadness mix. Which made me feel guilty and confused and sad.

    I want to heal this!

  500.  #501Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    and I always feel like the women in these “real” relationships hate me. Feel threatened by me. and that makes me feel guilty and angry.

  501.  #502Tam on August 24, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Woman in a real relationship only feel threatened when something is wrong or they have low self-esteem.
    In my best relationship, even though I had low self esteem, I never felt threatened by other women….but he was a rare gem. He only literally had eyes for me.
    Feels sooo good to think back on that.
    Even my best friend said the other day that she felt jealous of my relationship then. He would say, full of conviction ‘you are so gorgeous’ and just beam. He made me feel 100% loved and adored, and we were best friends too.
    If I had known then what I know now….I thought all men/relationships would pan out like that, well never found anything even close.
    I have the friendship part with MrP, but that’s all. And not enough.

  502.  #503Iamabutterfly on August 24, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Love your thoughts, Tam. ((((((Tam))))))

  503.  #504Tam on August 24, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Thank you Lama 🙂
    It will all be ok! That’s what I am telling myself and sometimes it really seems like it will be, or is ‘ok’ 😉

  504.  #505bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    i feel like an abusive partner saying such crazy things like, i’m feeling confused. i need some space.

    i know what i feel & i know my feelings conflict. that’s all.

    both ways can exist ? aww my cute little optimist…. hi : ) what do you see ? driving to my grandma’s house, the grocery stores are decrepit & full of trash & poison – gold glinting high rise – green & suburbs out out the horizon, looking light like paper & violent like the ghettos. up at the top, the musty bedroom with worn, famous furniture. website reservations. yoga. puppy dog. skirts like eloise. libraries. books. old paper. dark archive rooms. kicking up grass running. insane lipstick like betsey johnson. fried blonde hair. or grey. tall tall tall trees – taller than the mountains behind them…. the windows open, cracked paint, blowing curtains & shimmering tapestries & piles of paper. a closet full of journals. a corner of pillows. someone down the hall. the garden. bread. cheese. goats. kale. radishes. eggplant. squash. carrots. heirloom carrots. cucumbers. lettuce. that nasally feeling trying to swallow bad bread. big birds who make terrible sounds. scummy water. clear rumbling tumbling water like children’s joyful play sounds. children & humans all together to hear & read & write – quiet & loud. communal & alone. support. free food.

  505.  #506bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    the inability to ask for help.

    the desperation of begging help & not feeling helped

    the impossibility of asking for forgiveness

    the iron clamp of judgement.

  506.  #507Smile on August 24, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    As a contrast, here’s what pure Feminine Energy language looks and sounds like:

    1. Only Feminine Energy, that’s completely attractive, magnetic , and passive
    2. It’s leaned-back, warm, inviting, grounded, centered, no-nonsense, feeling, easy, taking responsibility for itself, just Being
    3. It says “I feel, I’m feeling, I felt, It feels…and NEVER mentions HIM
    4. It stands still when things aren’t going the way it wants, and if it starts feeling bad, it walks away. (Yep – walking away is FEMININE. “Hanging-in” when it feels bad is MASCULINE.)

  507.  #508bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    shiny trashy books sell millions

    pithy self-published poetry gets sold in an estate sale by the author’s children

    “i could write books about trendy things like crepes & wine tasting” EWWWW lk sells out grosssssss

    awww hello ? i don’t want to go to grad school. i don’t want to pay the system til they decide i’m sxicidal enough to write “real” poetry. poor humans.

    starving artist. there is no money for a living artist, only for the vultures who rip the canvas from their still-warm hands… hm

  508.  #509bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    art for political means

    i need a patron lol : )

    patronized art – subversive – not necessarily “sneaky” or “contradictory”….. hm

  509.  #510Tam on August 24, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    ‘the inability to ask for help’

    I confess.

    I only just found out that my grandmother, the one person in my life I got unconditional love from in my family, said a few years before she died to a neighbour:

    ‘our Tam, I don’t know how she does it. She fights and bites her way through life. She never complains. She never asks for anything’.

    At that point I had been abroad for 10 years and a fair few struggles , which I always yried to keep away from her. But she knew.
    She knew without me having to tell her.

    Do I expect people to read my mind?
    ‘she never asks for anything’
    It is a compliment but also a testimony to my wall.

  510.  #511bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    chris rock tells the story of his cars breaking down on him all the time. people want to help you if you’re helping yourself. get out & try to push the dxmn think alone !

  511.  #512bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    * thing

  512.  #513Smile on August 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    I want to share with him also that time has allowed mr to reflect on what I want/ don’t want in a relationship.

    I feel confident to say what I don’t want as in to be in masculine energy but I’m finding it hard to say what I do want as in to be feminine energy in the relationship.

    I don’t want to feel I have to control everything like plans and money jn a relationship. It would feel good to …

    Im struggling to finish this script. I’ve researched feminine and masculine energy but I don’t think I can write/ say I want to just be and feel in the relationship to be understood by him?

  513.  #514bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    THE THINGGG best scary movie. why ?

    because Thing looks like normal…. but then it gets you alone & TURNS YOU INTO THE THINGGGGGGG lol yum

  514.  #515Tam on August 24, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Scary, this Siren thing. My ex boss, very high profile guy (and married), has never contacted me privately ever – just sent me a flirty fb message.

    I feel confused. I never had as much male attention as right now.

    The one I like has gone into his shell.


  515.  #516Miss Bells on August 24, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    #507 1. Only Feminine Energy, that’s completely attractive, magnetic , and passive

    What do you do with a man that says you are “too” passive, and he wants an “alpha” woman?

    Yet pulls away when you tap into the alpha power woman?

    I am feeling confused. Not about the feminine energy, but by the man.

  516.  #517Dominique on August 24, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Iamabutterfly – 489 – Read this. It may help.



  517.  #518Femininewoman on August 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Miss Bells men will sayn things that lead you down the wrong path. I had a cd recently say to me “the chaser wants to feel like the chasee sometimes”. I just said I understand and left the ball sitting there. He sporadically initiates since then and I just respond with feeling messages. I am firmly standing on my bridge

  518.  #519Daria on August 24, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    What do you do with a man that says you are “too” passive, and he wants an “alpha” woman?

    ‘oh ok… mmm i don’t feel good like that, i feel better when the man is the leader and i can relax and be a goddess… what do you think?”

    then you demonstrate self assurance by still being yourself – super attractive and powerful, better than alphaing it, in a non domineering way

  519.  #520Miss Bells on August 24, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Daria–that is BRILLIANT!!

  520.  #521Daria on August 24, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    im feeling so good

    i went out and fed myself a huge healing meal

    my girl kept being surprised that i would order myself a 3 course meal

    and of course, my man money came thru for me… he told me he would and he always does

    i so appreciate you Money mi amore!

    he is efficient and fit perfectly

    and now i decided against going out when i really feel like bing herre w me, listening to intersting stuff, writing, doing movement, and doing deep healing eft mmmm

    and now i did a movement to lower my sluggish after mixing starch pasta nd protein…

    and mmm i feel so good and loved

  521.  #522Daria on August 24, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Miss Bells – 😀 thank you!!!

  522.  #523Daria on August 24, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    LK i got your back homie! 🙂

  523.  #524bloom-ing on August 24, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    thanks, daria !! gosh i want to have my own back so strong

    i feel wiggly & “untied”

  524.  #525Annie on August 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    399: April Rose says:

    “Notes from Rori’s teleclass:

    If a man is out of sorts, i.e. not in his happy, loving vibe, do NOT try to cheer him up.
    Meet him where he is. If he is bummed out, you say “oh crap, that sounds a bummer. I get it. I totally get how you’re feeling.”

    Meet him there and stay quiet. Don’t ask him for anything. Don’t ask him to change anything.

    If you’re in a car, and he’s driving erratically, you’re gonna have to say “you know, I don’t feel comfortable. Can we just stop and have a coffee for a while?”

    If he’s just in a slightly icky mood, you just stay happy. My favourite tool is ‘clean out your purse’ and you can do this in the car. Completely busy yourself. Don’t try to start a conversation, don’t ask him what went wrong. Nothing.

    Believe it or not he will start talking to you. And, once he starts talking you have already dialled him back to his love channel.
    You lean back, you smile, you appreciate him. Tell him he’s beautiful. Tell him how much faith you have in him, and how smart he is. Not because of what happenned earlier, but because of what he’s doing for you now.

    He will be thrilled because you are a woman who isn’t trying to fix him.

    Whatever is going on with him, it is not yours to fix, and the moment you try he’s gonna get angry with you.

    If he’s angry say “Wow. I hear how angry you are. Today must be really shit”

    Don’t take it personally, and don’t try to talk him out of it.

    Stay warm. Don’t go cold or angry. Don’t go into fixit mode.

    The fastest w