3 Types Of Men In One Evening…This Is SO Helpful!

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This was such a great comment – I’ll keep it anonymous (you know who you are) – I just wanted everyone to read it…

Well I feel the need to process.
Last night.

Attracted three three types of men.
Oh how different all three felt.

Type 1
It felt so good when real masculine energy comes towards you and afterwards receiving fantastic compliments. Makes me feel desired, tingly like a princess. Oh God I want more of that, sadly no following up like asking me for phone number or dates but oh still felt great.

Type 2
Very open and chatty, felt good that someone wanted to chat to me, however wanted to tell me how they felt which was ok, but felt a little uncomfortable but very revealing.

One telling me how he felt depressed because the last women he has broke his heart was a gold digger, cheat, biaaaatch and psychopath.

Then proceeds to tell me he now knows how to profile such women. OMG I fit his profile, I then felt scared as he told me how he wanted to hurt her and how he had done so in revenge.

He seemed to just want to talk and talk and tell me his story. I have had this before with men, in the past I have wanted to help, it felt good to facilitate, not now, I listened but was not attracted and although they are easy to listen too, I donโ€™t want to help them.

Why am I still attracting this.

And type 3.
Mr no confidence.

One telling me I was too good for him, how he felt a little scared, but how great he felt with me.

And the other telling me how he was scared to ask women to dance and had no confidence.

He is a great dancer.
I said I love dancing with you, he was very abrupt and said what has me being a great dancer got to do with having no confidence.
He said he felt shy.
I said I felt shy too.
I feel very shy on the inside.
My little girl feels very shy.

So wow, attracting three different types of men all in one night.

And noticed so many masculine energy confident women asking men to dance.

I felt very scared of the type 2 man, he was confident, but revenge scares me.
Really want to keep him at arms length.

And the type 3 man, sweet but feminine. Feel sure I would soon lose patience and want to kick him up the bum, tell him to man up for crying out loud.

Eeek, wonder what they though of me now I feel embarrassed, wondering how I came across.
Although nothing I am able to do about it so hey ho!

Posted in


  1.  #1Heart on January 21, 2013 at 2:40 pm


  2.  #2Heart on January 21, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Calamity: I must move from my Job! Which means I have to relocate!
    Omg. Which means I’ll be far away from CudG…Sadness. Pain.
    Can’t anything go our way?
    It sucks.
    I still have 9 weeks but if I quit I’ll leave sooner!
    Omg ….why?
    I miss CudG s much already…

  3.  #3Heart on January 21, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    Maybe this is the Universe’s way of saying it wasn’t meant to b…I’m going to make the most of my time here…
    My heart is breaking a little.

  4.  #4Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 3:24 pm


  5.  #5Heart on January 21, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    I feel panicked…
    but a part of me is saying..Go with the flow…
    For some reason I need this shake up…
    I needed the idea of change..
    I’ve bee kind of bored and complacent career wise…
    Just breathe…a year from now I might be grateful for this …
    who knows….but right now I’m afraid…

    Still -as for CudG…I know if two ppl really wanted to be together …they could find a way to make it work…
    And though we have good times & chemistry and fun…
    He’s not my step up man…

  6.  #6Heart on January 21, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    I feel guilty writing that…
    he steps up…
    he does all the work…
    so far…
    but he doesnt really express his feelings or seem like he wants to build a life
    he’s awesome though…I Will miss him so much!
    I dont even want to think about it..

  7.  #7Heart on January 21, 2013 at 3:30 pm

    It’s funny how life just changes…
    and totally throws you for a loop.

  8.  #8Heart on January 21, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    I feel crestfallen
    there has been a tight feeling in my chest and a sad piercing pain in my heart all day…

    I feel defeated…
    I feel like sisyphus…
    I feel like phuck it…
    I just want to lie here and just feel awful…
    I lack the energy to try to make myself feel better…

  9.  #9Heart on January 21, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    And by all day…I mean all of yesterday…

  10.  #10Tam on January 21, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Heart, OMG. I am sorry for you!!! Iknow how having to relocate because a job goes. Kind of out of one’s control. Awful!!!
    Could you/ would you find a job with a different company in the country you’re in?
    Does Cuddly know?
    What’s his reaction??

  11.  #11Annie on January 21, 2013 at 3:53 pm

    379: Lori says:

    “Would it really be so bad for me to tell him that if he wants to talk, it needs to be face to face? Even to myself it sounds controlling. yuck.”

    What do you think about rewording it in surrender speak rather than control speak, letting go of the outcome and accepting either he will step up or he will not?

    Something along the lines of it would feel better to me to speak face to face rather than communicating re e mail etc. insert whatever you like. what do you think?

    And then he will either offer or he will not.
    And if he doesn’t just ignore all other forms of communication.
    Actions speak louder than words from us aswell as them.

    If he wants friendship though and you do not, do you really want to put yourself having any contact with him and agree to something you do not really want?

  12.  #12Emerson on January 21, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    I am ready for a change. I feel curious to try meditation that Mercedes talks about. I have to get “unscrambled”…..

  13.  #13MovingMagic on January 21, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I have been triggering myself left & right today, & laughing at myself.

  14.  #14Tam on January 21, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    Curly has just been chewing my ears off on the phone and kept saying ‘do you want me to leave, I will if you want me to’….OMG and I was just such a diva, I said ‘just do what you want to do, I am fine with it’.
    Hahaha. Of course he then tried to convince me for an hour that we are great together and blah blah blah. Yawn.
    I felt bored. He is such a talker.
    Actually, he worked on me for so long that I conceded to see him again…and he said he is ok with whatever, lovers or a relationship and marriage…he will take what he can get.
    Too funny.
    I said lovers for now will be enough, thank you….but not today because I am having ‘me’ time.

  15.  #15Annie on January 21, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    Why do you need to relocate heart?
    That feels sad to read if you don’t want to.

  16.  #16Tam on January 21, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    I have decided to be a rockstar and get my needs met until I meet Mr Perfect for me…or until one of the other flames is somehow morphing into Mr Perfect for me.
    Nothing is impossible.

  17.  #17Mercedes on January 21, 2013 at 4:10 pm

    From the last thread:

    Lori: I’m so sorry… I think he keeps reaching out to you because he wants to be your friend and that’s what friends do. I think you need to believe him and decide for yourself if you can just be friends with him and if you can’t, then you need to ask him to stop contacting you. If he can’t do that then you probably need to ignore him. His words and actions are saying “friend”…it’s time for you to trust that. ๐Ÿ™ I disagree with Starla a little here. I don’t think that fibbing to a man and pretending to be busy changes your vibe at all. I think they can feel the lie. I think it’s time for you to be frank and upfront with HIM and then truly stop being his friend. You’ll actually be busy soon and there will be no need for the fib but until then, feel your true feelings, convey those and then cut all ties. If he wants nothing more than friendship then only you can decide if you are willing to give him that.

    Much Love,

  18.  #18Mercedes on January 21, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    Emerson: It has certainly helped unscramble me! ๐Ÿ™‚ I recommend it to absolutely EVERYONE. Just know that it is not a quick fix but you will begin to notice differences in yourself very quickly if you pay attention to them.

    I can’t wait to finish my studies so I will be totally certified. It makes me happy just to think about having that certificate with my name on it…

    Much Love,

  19.  #19Mercedes on January 21, 2013 at 4:17 pm

    I just registered for Dominique’s free call on Tuesday!!!

    Much Love,

  20.  #20Annie on January 21, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    ๐Ÿ™‚ I want lots of type one men to choose from from.

  21.  #21Annie on January 21, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    My Mr perfect for me will be a type one man. Not type two or three.

  22.  #22Turquoise on January 21, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    Mercedes, I wrote on the last thread to thank you for sharing about manifesting. I completely forgot I could do that! I’m going to make a new vision board. I need the visual. Thank you for the reminder and I’m so happy you have 3 desires at your fingertips!

  23.  #23Sha-sha on January 21, 2013 at 4:51 pm

    Good evening ladies ๐Ÿ™‚

  24.  #24Sha-sha on January 21, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    Does anyone read up on or believe in astrology? Do u believe the stars moon planets and the universe play some kinda roll in are lives and love lifes? Did u ever hear of carol allen?

  25.  #25Heart on January 21, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    Tam – well yes I started looking for another job but I dont know if I can find one in such a short time. I haven’t told CudG…:(
    Ill tell him in FEB…or I might give him a little warning.
    I feel bad we wasted so much time being huffy with each other…

    Regardless though..My whole life will change…not sure how I will deal with that…

  26.  #26Tam on January 21, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    Heart, aw I feel tight in my chest when I read that. I would tell him now.
    Urgh. Such a difficult situation, and I can really really sympathize. ๐Ÿ™

  27.  #27Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    @ Mercedes – what free call with Dominique? ๐Ÿ™‚

  28.  #28Turquoise on January 21, 2013 at 5:12 pm

    Awwww Heart, maybe it will be a wonderful thing or maybe you’ll find something else. I would tell him now. He’ll sense the change in your vibe.

  29.  #29Emerson on January 21, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    Mercedes what certificate ?

  30.  #30Turquoise on January 21, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    Tam, from the last thread, thank you. You are right, not a deal breaker, at least not right now.

  31.  #31Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    Ok I”m Feeling FUSSY. Mega FUSSY.

    Here we go – I need to vent so grab some popcorn and settle in for the show here. ๐Ÿ™‚

    First off, my soon to be ex is horrible. Child got sick last night – I called at his house and said I needed some stuff for child, and he said he was tired. Ok. Seriously? He has no job. He is just in the throws of depression, but still. For 8 years now. Anyway….its why I’m moving on. Its like an alcoholic, they would be fine if they got fixed, but if they wont take the help waht can you do?

    I talked to two attorneys today and am moving forward with the divorce. I had a talk with him at this house about it.

    Just exhausted and stressed.

    But here we go….switching gears totally…..

    With my person that I’m seeing – that relationship….officially one year ago today was the day that we sort of crossed the line and told each other that we had some sort of connection and feeling for each other – no kissing – that would come after 3 more months of talking which I love, but it was an awesome night. One where I crossed a line and realized I could have more in my life.

    It was one year ago to the day today.

    The last two weeks with him have been spectacular. So much caring and emotion. He is NOT big on anniversaries, etc. but I think he remembers about today – maybe not even though I mentioned it last week.

    So, after the most amazing surprise visit last Friday, and the last two weeks where he has been crazy supportive and awesome I havent heard from him this entire 3 day weekend.

    I know if I texted him, he would text me back. But I really wanted him to text me first and so I leaned way back.

    I wanted to feel what I felt on Friday when all that masculine energy flowed towards me.

    I didnt get it at all this weekend. And I’m upset because today is the day we both officially sort of crossed a line with each other.

    So here I am. Fussy. I’m upset about the divorce just because I’m exhausted from it.

    ON top of it – I found out that my forbearances on my student loans are over and I have to start paying $450 a month. Sigh. I dont have it. He left me so financially strapped. I”m exhausted.

    Then finally, I’m upset that I didnt get my fix of oxytocin from my guy who didnt contact me – ok – I”m officially a mess and stressed and exhausted.

    I just wanted to be lifted up emotionally, and be given some good lovely feelings today by him, on this day espeically…..isnt he wondering how my weekend went? Ugh.

    Ok – someone say something resembling anything to make me feel better. ๐Ÿ™‚


  32.  #32Amy on January 21, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    Hi ladies…I need a little advice because I am feeling a little needy. My bf went to a nhl hockey today with his friends around 1…it is now 830 almost and he hasn’t called me once. I have no problem with gin going out but because I wouldn’t do this to him I can’t understand why he wants to stay out for hours on a Monday night. I mean the game has been over for 4 hours now. Anyways I am doing my own thing…working out, taking a bath, doing my nails, but I am still bothered by this (its not the first time and he knows I just like a phone call to tell
    me he is going out or whatever so I don’t worry- that’s basically how I feel …worried

  33.  #33Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 5:28 pm

    @ Mercedes (and anyone else)

    How do I act tomorrow? I will see him at work. I will want to scream and yell (which obviously I wont do) but inside I will be like – HOW DID YOU GO THREE DAYS WITHOUT TALKING TO ME? and on the outside I”ll be all smiles.

    Ugh. I dont know how to reconcile it. I dont want to be demanding. But thats how I feel.

    I dont know how to not be so needy right now. So clingy.

    I shouldnt care that he didnt call me for three days? Well, I do.

    Help. I have no idea how to act tomorrow.


  34.  #34Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    @Amy –

    I feel your pain. How long have you been dating him? Sorry if you have said that before and I missed it.

    I have been so productive this 3 day weekend but my mind drifts to him. And it would feel so good to hear from him.

    I feel your pain, Amy. I do. But nagging him to call wont work, and if you call him, then you will look needy. Ugh. I hate it – why cant men just be exactly like girls….except with different parts? LOL.


  35.  #35Amy on January 21, 2013 at 5:46 pm

    Elsie thank you! 7 years we have been dating. I know I feel so torn…seriously sometime I wish they were like us more

  36.  #36Heart on January 21, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    Turquoise & Tam – I dont want to make everthing Sad….but yes he’ll sense something is wrong…Especially when I keep giving him woeful looks…

  37.  #37Jilly on January 21, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Goodheart…from last thread…congratulations!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Yay!! That’s so exciting! Sedona is beautiful. The reason we haven’t eloped yet is that his mom really wants a wedding…but both Rugby Man and I know that it’s our choice, whatever we end up deciding.

    Turquoise…thank you…I hope I feel “normal” by month 4. I went hiking today with a friend and that helped me so much. I agree, I think that if I wait until after the baby to have the wedding all of the air will be out of the balloon already (so to speak.) I want the excitement of getting married and then having a baby…even if it is quick lol.

    It’s so early to worry about how things will go with sweetheart. As long as you can stay open to either possibility…things working out, or things not working out between you two, you will know the best choice for you when the moment comes.

  38.  #38Heart on January 21, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Annie – It’s not compicated. Thanks for the hug. Yes my heart has been hurting even since I got the news.

  39.  #39Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:00 pm

    Amy I am wondering if he deliberately stays out because he wants to get away from the hyperfocus on him and the intense energy. Maybe you should be doing things too where you get out of the house. Without him.

  40.  #40Jilly on January 21, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Amy…is there any way you can personally not make this a big deal? I’m sure if you could stop authentically caring if he checks in or not, he would start doing it. But you just can’t do it for that reason lol.

  41.  #41BeLoved on January 21, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    I feel sadness in my belly.
    Today a man said something nice to me and I touched my heart and said, “That makes my heart feel warm and melty.”
    He sort of huffed and said, “Lord, why do you tempt me?” because I guess when I said warm and melty his mind went to sexual thoughts.
    I stopped short and blew it off and walked out.
    Later today I made eye contact with a man who I thought was going to open the door for me on the way out of the store but he blew by me and was flirty sexy vibe, “How are YOU, sexy?”

    He nearly tripped over me getting between me and the door to pass, but didn’t stop to open the door.
    I suppose I could have stood there, Daria-style, if I hadn’t been so flustered.

    It feels bad to feel like a temptation – like a heavy pit in my stomach
    there we go
    Like I did Something Bad Wrong again that felt totally innocent and sweet.
    It’s one thing when I am consciously putting out a seductive, sexy vibe, but it feels like I’m doing something bad if I get sexual attention while just being me
    which is bringing up some horrible memories of
    awwwww….frick, now I remember him gaslighting the h3ll out of me
    feel sick
    Shaming me shaming me shaming me
    Sometimes I would sit in a robe and move just so where he could see between my legs,
    I’m just hanging out and suddenly he would snap and accuse me of maliciously and intentionally teasing him and I don’t remember what he would say because I would dissociate but he would get the ugliest look on his face and yell and yell and yell and act like I had severed one of his limbs or something, his reaction was so strong and accusing…
    once I moved my face close to kiss his thigh and he got triggered and did something similar, this time he was swearing up and down that I kept
    “acting like” I was going to give him head and I swear totally and completely had a 100% different experience of where my head and mouth were and were headed and he yelled at me all I can remember is something about how certain things that I said and did had very specific meanings that he was right about, that the only possible meaning was one that hurt him the most deeply and was the most insulting, and I was the perpetrator while he was the victim, and in my experience I was nearly always when I felt most vulnerable, relaxed and at ease.

    themes here that came up recently –
    being made wrong for thinking differently than the way someone else thinks

    What is coming up to be loved and integrated here?
    Some kind of sexual shame something or other….

  42.  #42Amy on January 21, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Elsie thank you! 7 years we have been dating. I know I feel so torn…seriously sometime I wish they were like us more too sometimes lol

  43.  #43Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    Elsie after all that would you really think of yelling because of only 3 days? I am here imagining him wanting to be out of breath panting wanting to see you. His powerful emotions bursting out his chest and his ears pounding with anticipation after the 3 days.

  44.  #44Heart on January 21, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    Annie ใƒผI meant to write – It’s complicated.

  45.  #45Jilly on January 21, 2013 at 6:08 pm

    Elsie…can you express how you feel to him?

    That you don’t want to be demanding, but it feels bad not to have regular contact. Don’t fake being happy. ๐Ÿ™

    I don’t really know the back ground of your situation but is it common for him not to contact you every day?

  46.  #46Jilly on January 21, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    Watching the bachelor right now…they are breaking the world’s longest kiss record right now…over 3 minutes long!!!!

  47.  #47Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    @Feminine Woman – Yes. I am crazy. LOL. Of course I wouldnt actually scream. But I’m glad you picture him running towards me panting wanting to give all that to me. I dont see that at all. I want to see that. But if he were like that – then why wouldnt he have contacted me? Especially on the one year anniversary of us I dont know…..crossing the line?

    @Jilly – Ok he is in a situation now that he is getting out of just like I am getting out of mine. Its a long story, and he has his kids, so sometimes he can talk to me on the weekends, sometimes he cant. He always has his kids, but sometimes he finds time for me and sometimes I think he is distracted.

    I dont think I could ask him to talk to me every day – that would feel like masculine energy and very demanding. I want him to talk to me because he wants to not because he feels like he has to. Thats why when he says he loves me I know its true – he has never lied to me ever in us knowing each other as friends for 13 years and trust me sometimes his truth doesnt land good for him….LOL, but he is always honest.

    I guess I just wish that he would want to talk to me, espeically on today.

    I had thought to bring something special to him to work tomorrow to commemorate us crossing the line, but I”m not going to now, because I feel like that is just wayyyyy too much leaning forward.

    OH well.

    I just dont know how to act tomorrow….

    @ Feminine Woman – how do I feel the way you feel about thsi!?!?!?!?! ๐Ÿ™‚


  48.  #48Iamabutterfly on January 21, 2013 at 6:15 pm

    SMC was definitely angry when I saw him this weekend. He brushed past me and I could FEEL it.

    Then, I happened to look down (I was standing and he was sitting several feet away from me) and he was blatantly STARING at me. He looked indignant, like, who does this girl think she is? I can’t believe her.

    Of course, I have no idea what he was thinking and I’m not supposed to worry about that, but I do know that the way he was looking at me made me feel extremely guilty, icky, and bad.

    Then, I ran into Jack CD. I felt very peaceful and leaned back. Maybe I was avoiding ignoring him a little bit? I’m not sure. I just wasn’t going to put myself out there.

    He comes over to me, and he like does this thing with his arm where he like placed it in front of me, and it turned me on so bad I felt out of control.

    Then he walked away.

    Then, as I was leaving, he said goodbye to me, using my name.

    I felt even more turned on in the morning. It doesn’t even make sense, though. I know what usually does it for me, and having somebody walk over to me and slowly put their arm in front of me usually doesn’t do it. Actually, guys don’t usually do that, so who I am to talk?

    I think he’s using some technique from some pickup artist manual and I feel so furious for how turned on it made me feel.

    I feel disconnected from him in every other way except sexually. I feel crazy with desire for him sexually, and I feel embarrassed and confused as to why, and I feel furious at him for doing whatever it was that he did, and I feel furious that I can’t even “prove” that he did anything.

    I feel like I’m going to be “preached to” because of my sexual boundaries and I feel like I’m going to be judged severely and that feels bad.

    I just don’t know what to do or say.

    I don’t appreciate feeling turned on and simultanously disconnected and ignored in every other way?

    Is that a good feeling message?

    I feel like he’s going to say “I’m not responsible for how turned on you feel around me. I can’t help it that I’m irresistable.”

    and then I’m going to feel like murdering him…

  49.  #49Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Ah well…so Curly gave me the spiel about hoe much he wants to see me every minute of his life and bla bla and he is the best man I ever dated and bla bla.

    So I thought ‘let’s see’ and invited him over with a tongue in cheek texts for a bit of fun tonight…followed by lots of inane texting (he didn’t get it for about an hour) after which he got all excited…and then fed me some bs story about having to get a pizza for his housemate….he lives a couple of blocks away from me and it took 2 hours of scrambled messages to make his mind up and then he was going to be ‘delayed’ indefinitely because his housemate wanted pizza. That;s about as stupid as most of the other stories I hear about all the misfortune in his life being other people’s fault rah rah rah. The truth was he was probably at a bar, another woman or smoking weed with his friends…uhmmmm..ok love, so you said I was your priority but when push comes to shove your housemates hunger for pizza is more important…haha.
    He said ‘tomorrow is soon enough’
    after all that!!
    I replied that he can fetch pizza for his house mate tomorrow too. I would like that to be the last snippet of communication he ever gets from me.
    Had the benefit of the doubt a few times.
    Not even good for a friend with benefits.
    How boring!!

  50.  #50Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    @Amy – 7 years is a long time. He should know by now what you need right in order to feel safe? Do you live together? Sorry I’m newer here and dont know everyones story. If you dont live together do you think that he will contact you at some point tonight? I hope he does.

    Keep us updated….and in the meantime try to focus elsewhere (oh please who am I kidding, I”m horrible at that….LOL)


  51.  #51Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    @lamabutterfly – oxytocin is a powerful drug. Its hard to resist the rush of it when you are so attracted to someone…..I know!!!

    @Tam – yah, this guy is clearly not making you a priority. I”m glad you are seeing that. Its hard though when you want them to WANT to make you a priority. It feels sort of like you are being rejected but you aren’t it just his deal.

  52.  #52Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:20 pm

    my mood was not helped by the fact that my friend half agreed that we’d go out at 6pm now and then informed me at 5:55pm via email (!) that she can’t go because her husband is getting back from work now.
    I mean, was I really such a doormat all this time that people think this is a cool way to interact? 5 minutes before, per email? Hm.
    I must have been.
    Well, I am not anymore.
    I didn’t answer or reply in any way.
    Gonna keep a low profile now.
    Feeling angry.

  53.  #53Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    Do You Really Just Want To Be His Friend?

    Facebook distorts the traditional gender roles, giving online interactions what I call a “false sense of casualness.” Everything seems so innocent and benign online.

    But this may surprise you: Something that feels simple and casual to you – like a friendly “hello” on his wall – can actually feel intense, aggressive, and pressuring to him. He’ll sense there’s an urgency to your communication, even though you thought you were just being friendly.

    The result is that the guy’s inner drive to pursue you is pre-empted – leaving YOU in the position of pursuer. This in turn leaves you feeling extremely vulnerable, because if you are the pursuer, then that means you have turned your power over to him. You have given him the power to decide whether or not to accept your advances. And I don’t have to tell you how bad this feels.

    When you chase a man, not only do you unwittingly push him away, you also don’t give him the chance to show you how HE really feels about you.

    As long as you’re the one running the show (in your masculine or boy energy), he may follow, but he will never feel inspired to be with you of his own will. And you will never know what it feels like to be adored. He has no reason to step up to the plate and pursue you, because he doesn’t HAVE to.

    So What Does Chasing Look Like?

    In short, chasing is any time you do something first rather than responding to something he has already done. It’s what happens when you initiate any kind of contact. And we do it without even realizing it. It looks most obviously like this:
    โ€ขFriending him first
    โ€ขTagging him to appear on his wall
    โ€ขWriting on his wall – even if it’s just “innocently” sharing something that you think he’d like
    โ€ขInviting him to events or in any way acting like the social director of your relationship
    โ€ขSending him “harmless” messages
    โ€ขChecking in on him
    โ€ขAsking him why he hasn’t Friended you

    Surprise, You’re Chasing

    You might think being “friendly” is the same as showing interest in a man. In fact, you might think that you NEED to let a man know you’re interested, or he’ll slip away. So, you try to be “cool” and casual with him, thinking that if you do he won’t notice that you’re actually chasing him.

    But the truth is that you are. The way to a man’s heart is NOT to be his friend. You see, if you really don’t feel anything romantic for a man, then your vibe will feel just friendly to him. But when you’re attracted to him, your vibe is different. He’ll SENSE that you’re interested and covering it up.

    And don’t be misled – when you chase like this, he may actually like it. He may go along with it. He may be flattered. He might date you because there’s no ones else around. But you will never know how he REALLY feels about you, because you haven’t given him the chance to show you without your prodding.

    What’s Your Degree Of Difficulty?

    Nope, I’m not talking about Facebook games or even playing games with a man – just the opposite. Your “Degree of Difficulty” is how hard a man has to work to get you.

    Men are wired to value what they have to invest in – whether that means time, energy, or money. By chasing a man – and making it too easy for him to get you – you are lowering your Degree of Difficulty. He no longer feels he has won a prize, and he can no longer fall in love.

    You raise your Degree of Difficulty by stopping all efforts in his direction and by boomeranging all that energy to yourself. You make your life full and whole without him, filling it up with everything you love – friends, family, hobbies, passions, work.

    You also set – and stick by – clear boundaries. Boundaries are limits to what you will and will not tolerate.

    Doing these two things will naturally inspire a man to come forward, value you, and chase you.

    Let’s take a closer look at how Facebook fits into all of this…

    What to do when he sends you a friend request

    You have a few options here. If he’s a new guy you’re seeing, you’re under no obligation to add him. You don’t even have to give him a reason. Not adding him will not cause him to lose interest – just the opposite. He will try to figure out what he needs to do to get you there.

    How much and how little to post on his wall

    It can be so tempting to just sneak a little note onto his wall. But unless you’ve been going out at least three months, think twice about this. You want your interactions with a new man to be in person as much as possible so that he gets used to seeing you, smelling you, and touching you. This is the only way he will CRAVE you. Don’t cheat yourself or him by giving away little pieces of yourself under the guise of Facebook.

    Now, if it’s his birthday or everyone else is commenting, then of course you can comment. Listen to your heart before you do. It will tell you what your true intention is behind what you’re about to post – if you’re doing it to get his attention and try to make something happen, you’ll feel it. Don’t do it. Close your browser. Go for a run. See if you still feel like posting after you do that.

    Use Facebook to nourish your interests and other relationships

    Remember when I said that being into yourself is the best way to get him into you? Well, use Facebook to cultivate friendships, develop your interests by joining groups, and making sure your profile reflects the very best parts of you.

    Take a good, honest look at your profile and cut out anything that doesn’t reflect your passions. Make it a place that will show a guy what makes you tick… but leave some things out so he gets to find out certain things only by being close to you.

    Go From Chaser… To Chooser

    Love, Rori

  54.  #54Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    Elsie, he is just full of talk. I feel bored by that, especially when it is only occasionally followed by actions.
    And I have to laugh about his concern that his housemate gets fed. I didn’t get fed at all yesterday, he didn’t seem too concerned about that.
    It was a bs story, no doubt.

  55.  #55Jilly on January 21, 2013 at 6:23 pm

    Yay Tam!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  56.  #56BeLoved on January 21, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    Oh, ewww…I just opened up a word doc to work on the blurb for my dream shop and the conversation I had with my womb last week opened up, that I had forgotten about.

    My womb said, “Yes, I can still feel the remnants of T, still feel the nasty residue he left behind, being with him was like being raped โ€“ passing along his unhealed rape energy.”

    Many things just fell into place.
    I remember feeling emotionally raped by him, and other friends have said something similar.

    Eww. I really am going to be so much more careful with my bodytemple from now on.
    I felt like part of the attraction to C was the pull of sexual abuse energy.

    Dear precious body,
    I don’t want to carry T’s or anyone else’s sexual abuse energy in my body, mind or soul anymore.
    I feel totally at a loss, I don’t know what to do – I don’t want to feel gross, dirty and shameful and bad and wrong and foul, I want to feel good and pure and clean and innocent, unsullied.
    I don’t know what to do..what do you think?

  57.  #57Iamabutterfly on January 21, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    @51 Elsie – Thanks, but…we have NEVER slept together. We haven’t even kissed. The most physical thing we’ve done is sit really close to each other. THAT’S IT. so, it really doesn’t make sense…and I feel really annoyed that I feel sexually addicted to him for no explainable reason.

  58.  #58Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:26 pm

    Jillyyyyy!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  59.  #59Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    I must say, I do feel angry but also fiendishly satisfied by my resolve to make myself a priority and not take any crumbs anymore from anyone.
    And I don’t just talk, I walk.
    It may hurt for a millisecond but it;s like that immunisation at the doctor’s. It stings for 2 seconds but the benefit lasts for many years.
    Happy, thank you, no more bs please ๐Ÿ™‚

  60.  #60Jilly on January 21, 2013 at 6:29 pm

    Tam …I love hearing your sass!! ๐Ÿ˜‰ “he can fetch pizza to his roommate tomorrow too!” giggle..and that you are bored with that.

  61.  #61Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    RE 49 Tam I noticed myself feeling judgemental reading this and thinking “this is just a temper tantrum for the moment. Let’s see how quickly and easily he gets let back in”. Really judgemental, I know.

  62.  #62Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    Ah beloved, that kind of spoke to me.
    I am not sure why.
    I waited for ages to have sex with that last one…and still it feels like pearls before swine in some ways.
    I want to heal that.

  63.  #63Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    61 yes FW, but I totally have a temper tantrum right now, so judgmental maybe but you’re right on lady!!

  64.  #64Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    @FeminineWoman – OMG. I have read your article 3 times now. I think I”m going to print it out and tattoo it on my body to remind myself. LOL


  65.  #65Jilly on January 21, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Tonight for dinner I made chicken roll ups..

    chicken, fresh basil, fresh tomatoes, a teeny bit of mozzarella cheese, and balsamic dressing…YUM!!!!

    My Rugby Man is working…he would have loved it.

  66.  #66Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    60..Jilly..and the day after tomorrow also..hehe.
    No more dates at my place…feed me he may. Maybe.
    Maybe not. We will see….
    I feel uninspired.

  67.  #67Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    BeLoved I believe I would tap on that EFT style.

  68.  #68Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    @lamabutterfly – I have totally been attracted in a nutso way to someone that I have never kissed before. I think that sometimes there is an energy there I think thats normal…


  69.  #69Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    Elsie that article is a eNewsLetter I got from Rori today via email.

  70.  #70Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    @Tam – good for you – my first thought (and I totally dont know you so I’m sorry if this is over the line) was….wow, she can do better. I know – crazy. I dont know you and I hope you dont take that the wrong way, but he seemed really beligerent and rude…..

    I hope you have a better evening……and arent mad at me for saying that ๐Ÿ™‚


  71.  #71Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    Tam I do believe that at some deep level you believe you can do better than Curly. Like he is below your dignity. It seems though that he is helping you to embrace your inner biatch. Becoming comfortable with her and finding ways to let her voice out. Men can find that kinda spunk really sexy.

  72.  #72Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    @FW – haha – I havent checked my email today – but wow, how timely.

  73.  #73Elsie on January 21, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    @FW – so when you were talking about visualizing him wanting to be close to me – was that from one of her articles/books? etc? Just curious……


  74.  #74Iamabutterfly on January 21, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    Thanks, Elsie. I just feel angry that I feel THAT turned on to someone who is doing SO LITTLE to pursue me, who used to do so much. It makes me feel so angry!

  75.  #75BeLoved on January 21, 2013 at 6:48 pm

    FW thanks, I honestly don’t want to deal with it now.
    Maybe I can work it out in the dreamtime.

    Also noticing…
    the thing with the guy saying, “Hey sexy” or whatever in the store…
    that’s not my FAULT is it? I’m not doing something to make that happen, am I? Are some men just like that?

    It’s all connected, I can tell…
    need to lie down and breathe and rest.

  76.  #76Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:53 pm

    Elsie and FW, both of you are dead on there.
    Yes, and in fact Elsie even in his phone call today he was kind of aggressive ‘I will show you bla bla’..oh yes he showed me tonight. Hot air he showed me ๐Ÿ˜‰
    And FW yes, he brings out the biatch in me…absolutely. He did the other day also…by butting into what I had to say after I listened to him patiently, bu saying stuff like ‘you’ve got to understand’ bla bla.
    Yes, I know it is bad and I don’t want to sound full of myself, but intellectually he can’t argue with me..at all…he can’t keep up. Poor love. So he needs to get louder and stop me mid-sentence all the time.
    What a shame. That really turns me off.
    The desperation of a man who raises his voice because he’s frustrated. Aw.
    He will make a really good husband…for someone who is into smoking weed and squatting and pizza..haha. No, seriously, he’s ok. Just, well, different to me….and that holds a certain thrill for a few minutes. No longer, really.
    Besides, that huge age difference. I noticed he was dragging behind me a bit yesterday. It was starting to bother me. When he said ‘wow, you walk quite fast for such a petite girl’ I was fast forwarding 10 years and could see myself pulling him along ‘come on, faster, faster’. Hehe.
    I keep fit and am very energetic…

  77.  #77Iamabutterfly on January 21, 2013 at 6:54 pm

    Just re-read Rori’s article about “Sex Too Soon in a relationship,” which I totally disagree with, and this passage stuck out to me:

    “In other words, if youโ€™re shying away from sex, thinking itโ€™s your โ€œweaponโ€ and you need to withhold โ€“ then I say experiment with putting less importance on sex and see how it feels ”

    I feel angry reading this. I don’t think sex is my “weapon.” It’s simply something I want to save for marriage. I don’t want to be that intimate with anyone other than my husband, who will have worked to pursue me, earn my trust, respect, love, and all of me and my sexuality.

  78.  #78Iamabutterfly on January 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm

    I don’t want sex to feel like this separate thing. Separate from my spirituality, emotions, goals, desires. I want sex to be the total package in a marriage relationship, where the commitment of “till death due us part” is there.

    My sexual desire for Jack CD feels separate somehow. and I hate that…

    I want to feel connected in every way.

  79.  #79Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    I suddenly feel a panic. What if only men I consider as not being for me, will step up and offer me everything?
    What if my perfect for me man is with someone else, or ‘doesn’t want relationship’ or worse, he simply doesn’t exist. Wow.
    Panic in my stomach…what if?
    Well, then I will get a dog.

  80.  #80Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    Interesting concept I just read

    “Insecurity often manifests itself in an extreme
    desire to CONTROL things.”

  81.  #81Tam on January 21, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    77 lama – nothing wrong with that, absolutely nothing. If that is what you want – girl, you shape your own life.

  82.  #82Tam on January 21, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    80 FW, true. Trying to stay aware of that actually…I also have that tendency.

  83.  #83Femininewoman on January 21, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    RE 73 Kinda. There is a 100 men tool in Reconnect Your Relationship where you visualize 100 men bringing you all kinds of gifts.

  84.  #84Iamabutterfly on January 21, 2013 at 7:03 pm

    The thing is, I usually don’t feel incredibly turned on by a man until he has done all those things. Oh sure, I may feel extremely attracted and turned on by a long look or touch, but I don’t feel wild with desire unless it’s earned.

    and I don’t feel like he’s earned the right to turn me on so much?

    this feels curious. and embarrassing.

  85.  #85Emerson on January 21, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    I want a cute pink soft sweater

  86.  #86Emerson on January 21, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    oh and I wanna wear a red bra and panties under it ๐Ÿ™‚

  87.  #87Natalina on January 21, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    The post had me wanting the exact solution to the puzzle posed in the article today. my man always says everyone is a reflection of who we ourselves are- so if you are seeing that kind of conflict that you know you can have, although knowing that you will be soon bored and annoyed with it, and the stuff that has you in dream land doesnt really seem real at all…just a taste. what do you learn about yourself?

  88.  #88Natalina on January 21, 2013 at 7:48 pm

    being in a serious relationship for 2 years… it feels awful to me wanting to get more attention from other people, as well as from him. last night I read old letters from a previous “suitor”, I was remembering how much power I felt at that time… but like the post said about getting board too easily- none of those powerful moments really kept me in my womanly self.
    It would feel so good, mushy and sweet to be adored. regardless of what you did or do or want… to have that loving attention on you, to simply be adored. I feel like I dream about it more than actually experience it… I get all hard and bristly up at that last second, becasue the right wording isnt there, I feel afraid to look stupid. I have been more aware of looking up though recently. once or twice I think I caught some glances… it felt good. at that moment I remembered the entire reason of the circular date concept, change the vibe. what would doing research on feeling adored look like?

  89.  #89Natalina on January 21, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    Oh Tam! I just saw your comment, the fear must not feel good, I feel like you want a man that wants you. Wants the relationship- and in that case, He is still finding the way to you- keep shining you feelings and he will definately find you. Dog isnt a bad Idea- I would like to have a dog in the family too. Just know we dont have to live in fear! just know what you want can happen. keep feeling out for the things that feel good.

  90.  #90Turquoise on January 21, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    Thanks Jilly. That’s a good point. I’ll be ok if it works out or not….

    He’s spent the night texting me and calling to tell me how much he sincerely missed me today because we didn’t text or talk for about 11 hours. He told me how much he loves me, wants to wake up with me forever and for us to always be together. I was feeling a little overwhelmed and he called and we talked about my concerns. He assured me that everything will work out, but that if for some reason it doesn’t, he’d be forever grateful to me for helping him to believe in himself, to see that he could feel like a man and a lover again, to show him that he could love and feel this much, as he never thought it would happen. I did t do anything except give him the chance to be himself, and responded in emotional ways.

    I wonder if this just feels too easy, no challenge. He said he’s head over heels in love, I guess this is what men feel when we come on too strong.

  91.  #91Indigo on January 21, 2013 at 9:46 pm


    I agree with Dominique. I am in a similar situation with my guy, and if there’s one thing his confusing words and actions have taught me, it’s that it’s best not to try and get into their heads, or try and figure out what they mean, what they are thinking or how they feel. DON’T do it, don’t go there. The overwhelming possibility is that they are not really sure themselves, and that’s why they have taken space. Last year, my guy went from not wanting a relationship to wanting to be with me full-on and live with him in the space of a week.

    The best possible outcome here is if you can figure out what feels best to you, what takes the best care of you, what honours your feelings the most.

    I agree, I think him reaching out is his way of still feeling you, making sure you are still “there” in some way. D contacts me absolutely without fail every two days, and more often if my vibe is really strong and wonderful.

    If you are able, I think cutting contact for a while would be a good idea. I personally cannot bring myself to cut contact, just a day or two here and there where I need to.

    If you do stay in contact, use it as an opportunity to keep exploring yourself, and feeling. And keep releasing *him*. Don’t hold on, just let go, as and when you feel able to.

    I hope my musings on this have been helpful.

    Hugs to you XX

  92.  #92Emerson on January 21, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    I spoke with blueCD on the phone and I’m not sure what to say. I’m trying to be open. He’s not suave. But he’s not the best communicator. He does want to see me, soon. We are supposed to talk tomorrow to firm up plans. He said he would call me. Now if he does not call me tomorrow, I will feel fine but I will also feel turned off.

  93.  #93Lori on January 21, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    Indigo, I’m going to respond in a sec. will you be here?

  94.  #94Emerson on January 21, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    Ahh I feel ….unfocused. Resentful. Sad. Scared. Lost. Thankful. Worried. Anxious. Grateful. Forgotten. appreciated. Unappreciated.
    Taking the good with the bad….

  95.  #95Lori on January 21, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    I don’t know what that means. Does it mean that he’s confused about how he feels about me? Or does it mean that he doesn’t want anything with me and is saying “let’s be friends” to let me down easy?

    I’ve had a really bad night. My son was admitted in the hospital. He’s sick. I came home crying. I sent K a text and told him that I felt sad and confused. That I had been asking to talk with him about how I was feeling for the last couple of weeks. He texted me back saying that he would call me in the morning. I texted him back saying “okay but I wasn’t sure why as I had said I would prefer to talk in person”.

  96.  #96k2012 on January 21, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    Fw, (53) thank u very much for posting that. I heard someone saying that Rori sent a newsletter re Facebook. I didnt get it at all. Can someone please tell Rori that k2012 did not get that newsletter. I would be grateful. I have another e-mail in my inbox that i started reading over but had to stop because i am doing some work right now. I see parts of it in what u posted, FW. about No chasing.. etc. the last thing I will do before going to bed tonight is to finish reading it. In fact, i am going to start from the beginning.

    Emerson, hope bluecd calls u tomorrow. I saw in the previous thread where u told him u are tired of texting and he called. Good. I will soon tell that to overseas cd- that I am tired of instant messages/facebook chat. anyway, he says he is interested in a relationship. I told him plain and clear that what i want is a relationship. He said that is what he wants too. He reminded me of our conversation in which he said that whatever is it that I want, he also wants. He said he knew all along that i wanted a relationship.

    I told him that i am not sure if he was interested in me worse like how it would be a long distance relationship if we got involved. He says he is okay with long distance relationships and asked if i was okay with it. Told him yes, although long distance relationships can be difficult. He said to me that why did i think he spent “so much time on here” (facebook instant chat) with me. but i said “u dont call.” He said he doesnt like talking on the phone and said he will do so in time as i told him i want to hear his voice.

    I will be patient with him but not too accessible. I need to read over certain key articles by Rori. While I am being patient though, u better believe that I will be circular dating, so i am not too worried at all as i will definitely have options. No joke. Hope i can really go out this weekend as I was too tired last weekend. Circular dating is the buzz word when it comes to my love life and i WILL NOT LOSE SITE OF IT. It raises your degree of difficulty. It would be fantastic if one day Rori could come to my country to do a presentation on all this good stuff she is doing. Of course, it would have to be a company here in my country that would have to arrange that. That just popped up in my head.

  97.  #97Emerson on January 21, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Sirens I need some advice… What are some feeling messages when a guy starts taking about all his drama and I don’t want to hear it??

  98.  #98k2012 on January 21, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    Lori, I am so sorry about your son. Hope he will soon feel better. I dont even know what to tell u about your guy. I am suggesting that you dont contact him for a few days and if he does, take a while before u call him back. It seems like he doesnt want to let u go. Seems like he wants just friends. If u still love him, u cant be friends. for me, its either all or nothing. There is no way that I could be friends with a man who i have feelings for. Cheer up. Read over Rori’s key articles like the one i spoke about above. Boy dating/relationships are hard at times. Hope what i suggest will help.

  99.  #99Special K on January 22, 2013 at 12:02 am

    I’m new to the blog and I must say I found it interesting and helpful/supportive.

  100.  #100Sirenity on January 22, 2013 at 1:14 am

    Tam, Have been fascinated by the Curly story over some time. First, I love how you stayed open to his possibilities and then explored your “issues with his age and his pot smoking and with other women ..fantastic stuff all this exploring your triggers and triggering yourself deliberately. I just wanted to congratulate you.

    I also wanted to say , about his temper, irritability etc..likely a product of heavy cannabis use and something I have had to treat many people for who are withdrawing.

    I also would say , when it comes to seeing a mans potential clearly , just look at the past he is trailing and if you remove your rose tints you will have all the information you need , especially a man at 60 plus.If this includes women dipping from his phone, habitual drug use, financial problems and a temper..well.. you know what to expect.

  101.  #101Sirenity on January 22, 2013 at 1:15 am

    Dripping , not dipping…hmmm

  102.  #102Sirenity on January 22, 2013 at 1:30 am

    Also Rori has inspired me to be proactive in searching outside my town and I had a real fun time speed dating last weekend in nearby city.

    One older man is very interested and I have ongoing contact from another. All with minimal effort on my part and lots of fun.

  103.  #103Heart on January 22, 2013 at 1:30 am

    I feel better right now in this moment..
    I feel grateful.
    I feel a sense of sadness mingled with wonder and hope…
    I feel sleepy
    I feel like wow
    I feel a little afraid..
    I feel tender towards myself
    and maternal and protective.

  104.  #104Sirenity on January 22, 2013 at 3:13 am

    Hi Emerson,

    I say this one a lot when people want to dramatise or rope me in to their drama fest or moan fest or negative mind state..

    ” Oh? Well I am sure you know what to do to sort that out” or ” I’m sure you will deal with it when you are ready” or some similar clear statement that you trust their ability and that you do NOT discuss it further yourself. Then I do the cracked record, that is just repeat the comment until they stop.

    I find this one always works and follow with a rapid change of subject. I also dont hesitate to say something validating like ” that must have been difficult. Lets put it out of mind and enjoy our dinner”

  105.  #105Indigo on January 22, 2013 at 3:26 am

    Oh Lori, I am so sorry about your son. Big hugs (((((((())))))))

    My honest opinion is, he does still have feelings for you. Based on what you’ve said about his behaviour, I don’t believe he feels only friendship for you, I think he’s confused about what he wants.

    What I can advise, based on my own experience, is not to try and figure out how he feels or what he wants, especially when he’s in this confused state.

    In the meantime, if I were you, I would figure out what it means to take amazing and beautiful care of myself, and put *me* first. Which is, incidentally, the most attractive thing we can do. Men can *feel* the pressure of disappointing us, and I can guarantee you, he knows you want more from him than he is currently giving.

    That’s why I suggest, releasing him, bit by bit, gently, to do what is going to do. He may come around, and I suspect he will, but don’t focus on or expect that.

    I hope your son starts to feel better, and I hope you have some wonderful support with you at the moment. xx

  106.  #106Vi on January 22, 2013 at 3:26 am

    I vote for me. Baby steps. I will be okay.

  107.  #107Emerson on January 22, 2013 at 3:47 am

    104 sirenity
    That is helpful!

  108.  #108ruth on January 22, 2013 at 4:21 am

    Annie-the facebook link thing has been posted by FW in 53
    It is very good

    Tam, you know what I think about Curly

    Re paying for dates, well, I think I have said a lot on this before about how this doesnt work so well in the UK
    TBH, I have never minded going half and half myself=it doesnt make me feel bad at all

    I earn a pretty decent wage, so why shouldnt I contribute
    But thats just me

    Lori, I hope your son gets better soon

  109.  #109ruth on January 22, 2013 at 4:23 am

    Hi Special K

  110.  #110Memulo on January 22, 2013 at 4:44 am

    I exchanged a few emails with a guy from a dating site. Feels good to be talking to someone else! O don’t feel as trapped.

  111.  #111ruth on January 22, 2013 at 4:52 am

    110 good for you memulo

  112.  #112Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:10 am

    Ruth – the voice of reason re-appeared! ๐Ÿ™‚

  113.  #113Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:12 am

    100 Sirenity, yes, thank you, a lovely post!
    So I take it it isn’t coincidence that a long-gone ex who was also a one-time heavy pot user, had a bad temper too….good to know.
    I have stayed open for a long time, and now I feel like closing myself to his particular man…I am not even convinced he would make a good CD for all those reason you mentioned…

  114.  #114ruth on January 22, 2013 at 5:13 am

    I am going to become very unreasonable if it doesnt stop snowing here

  115.  #115Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:14 am

    Natalina, thank you!

  116.  #116Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:17 am

    He sent me a text really early this morning how he wishes he was here…haha. I just laughed and had the impulse to write back ‘and there was me thinking that you’d rather get pizza for your housemate…which took you 2 1/2 hours to work out…’ But of course I won’t. I’ll just drop it.
    I am busy getting pizza for my neighbours tonight…

    Really, all this mainly amuses me today. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  117.  #117Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:18 am

    Ruth..now the voice of irritation….I love snow.

  118.  #118Linda on January 22, 2013 at 5:21 am

    Am I first?… wow

  119.  #119Linda on January 22, 2013 at 5:38 am

    oops… I hit send accidently .

    Am comforted to see I am not the first to experience with men?…. wow I have had CD’s stacked up on the same day recently. THeir energies are different but not like what this post describes.

    The interesting thing for me is to stay tunned in to see how I “feel” when I am with different men. I feel concerned about knowing which is the right man or how life would be with them. Time reveals lots of answers though.

    FavoriteCD is mostly a type 1 man… but there I have a feeling that underneath that is some type 2… it just has not surfaced. We have not really shared much about our past relationships, but he has made a couple of comments about how his ex wife still expects him to do what she wants when she wants… and I could tell he HATES that.

    I have not shared much with him about my past relationships for lots of reasons. First – they are in the past.. I hate and almost refuse to drag what I dont want in my life anymore into something new. It feels like I am inviting them to join us for dinner. YUCK When I am on a date with a man like #2 here… it is reg flag city.. but you can learn sooo much about who they are just by listening at level two to them.

    Type 3 man – ugh… they need friends and a mother, no thanks!

  120.  #120BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 5:42 am


    Tam I feel a a little queasy in my belly reading your reactions to Curly.
    If it were me, I imagine I would feel unimportant, dismissed, disappointed, angry and
    it seems odd to me that you would continue to engage with someone who can’t possibly meet your standards. It seems a little cruel, even, as if you knew that going into it and set him up to fail and now you are making him pay.

  121.  #121Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:47 am

    BeLoved…I am not engaging anymore.
    And if I was, that would be my business.
    And if I wanted to make someone pay for feeding me lines and bs stories, I wouldn’t blame me. But I don’t.

  122.  #122BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 5:50 am

    Haha I don’t know why it would seem odd to me, I’ve played that game many a time…;)

  123.  #123Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:51 am

    He set himself up to fail, actually. Not just once. I didn’t have anything to do with it. I was watching.

  124.  #124Tam on January 22, 2013 at 5:54 am

    You know, I feel angry because I really have not played any games. I was quite open with this guy and also I gave him the benefit of the doubt plenty of times. That’s not playing games. That’s actually observing what happens…and he is a nice guy in many ways.
    But if he underestimates my intellect and feeds me bs – my tolerance stops right there. I dealt with it with humour, actually. I found it hilarious in some ways. I was also angry.
    I don’t feel bad or unreasonable, in fact, I feel like a saint for giving him the time of day, time and time again.
    Yesterday he proved – yet again – that his words don’t match his actions. Not setting up for failure, he was doing that himself. Voila.

  125.  #125BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 6:01 am

    Oh, interesting…I can see this pattern in my mind..
    the punishment paradigm
    I can see the images in my mind
    of a dominatrix with a whip in her hand, lashing a man, drawing blood
    she’s blaming him for causing her pain
    it’s how she relieves her pain

    This theme keeps coming up over and over again yet I’m noticing that where the intensity was a 10 out of 10, it’s now about a 4, that’s different.

    Dear imagination,
    I feel pain in my heart seeing these images in my mind
    I want to feel connected
    in a different way
    I feel scared of that connection
    I don’t want to be scared of it, I want to feel safe and secure and trusting of that connection
    I want it to feel gentle and relaxed
    I want connection to feel goo d and pleasurable
    easy and natural
    I don’t know what to do here…
    precious imagination, what can you come up with?
    I love you, thank you for the pain,
    what else is possible?

  126.  #126Linda on January 22, 2013 at 6:03 am

    I had a great day to practice my new found freedom from feeling concerned when I dont hear from FavoriteCD. Over the week end – he literally text so much that I became a bit “weary” of talking. HAHA

    Yesterday. then nothing… I did not hear from him all day! I did think about it, but remained emotionally detachted this time. Then a phone call around 8 and texts at bedtime.

    I remember reading something from EvanMarkKatz… him saying that it is a really good thing to let your jets cool (my words) when you meet someone you really hit it off with. Spending a alot and frenzied amount of time with that person does not really give you a realistic picture of that person and how they really are in the long run. Patterns with FavoriteCD have definately started to emerge and my comfort level has increased. I did not say that I liked it but am learning what will happen more than likely.

  127.  #127ruth on January 22, 2013 at 6:04 am

    snow not good for my dialysis pts *fret*

  128.  #128BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 6:10 am


    Aw, Tam I’m not gonna hash it out with you, and I think pretty much anyone would be angry in your situation.

    As for me, I saw right away what my take on your stuff is bringing up for me and I’m feeling it

    accepting things are the way they are and people are the way they are and no amount of manipulation, tools, turning myself inside out and accomodating can change that
    that people do what they do and
    it’s not my fault? (stumbling over that, lol)

  129.  #129Linda on January 22, 2013 at 6:14 am

    100 Emerson… with my mood today.. I say just a sec… go put on my bright orange Tshirt that says in bold letters..” AND YOUR POINT IS?” and see if he got the point while I looked at him as he talked… ohhh I just made myself laugh.

    Dont really pay any attention to me.. I have my smart eleck hat on this morning.

    Actually listening to him… tells so much. You can pretty much hear how he deals with confrotation, what his triggers are… what not to do or say around them (if you choose to stay around him)… it is like an revealing interview when you dont say a thing. Like turning on a faucet and it all comes pouring out. Listen and learn

  130.  #130Tam on January 22, 2013 at 6:15 am

    Not angry with the guy..he is who he is. Quite fond of him actually, in some ways. If I could keep him as a friend, someone to meet for a drink now and then I probably would.
    But I don’t feel sorry for him and why should I?
    He had a very nice time with me whilst expending minimum effort in monetary terms and in terms of backing up his words.
    If I wanted to string him along that would be his decision to stick in there and his feelings that he has to look after. I just have to look after myself and my feelings.
    It does not at all feel cruel to me.
    However, I don’t see him now even as a lover so no point. A lover who doesn’t turn up – ah, spare the lady ๐Ÿ˜‰

  131.  #131Dominique on January 22, 2013 at 6:16 am

    Elsie – 33 – Three days is not a long time in boytime. It would be like three seconds to them for the most part whereas for us it would feel like three eternities.

    You can say – “I missed hearing your voice.” This is the truth without blaming him.


  132.  #132Mercedes on January 22, 2013 at 6:17 am

    Good morning ladies! Hope everyone slept beautifully!

    Turquoise: Yes…we can all manifest whatever we want. Nothing is out of our reach and…I want a vision board too! (I’ve been too lazy to make one but I want one…do they sell them ready made all up with my dreams on them? I’ll buy one if someone has it complete. lol).

    Elsie: If you’re friends with Dominique on FB you’ll see a link to the call. If not, you might consider reaching out to her today to see if you can still join.

    Emerson: I’m working on my meditation instructor certificate. I’m really, really excited about it!! ๐Ÿ™‚ I want sooooo much to own my own spa someday…someday soon.

    Elsie: On another note, when you said this: “How do I act tomorrow? I will see him at work.” I will always recommend “acting” professional at work regardless of personal situations. You might feel upset that he hasn’t contacted you (although it is kind of natural for some guys to pull away and although I don’t think it’s meant for this purpose, they do notice how we handle that) but maybe he’s telling you to circular date…big time! If it’s been three days and now everything feels just “normal” to him yet you are all torn up about it..then it might be time to really talk to him (no girlfriend speech) and get out there and find someone who wouldn’t be able to go so long without contact. I don’t know but the specific question you asked above, my advice is “act professional at all times when you work with someone you also care for romantically. Whether things are going really well or really bad or anything in between, always act professional at work.”

    Much Love,

  133.  #133BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 6:19 am

    Or, Tam, let me be more honest…
    I felt curious and at the same time I did mean to get you a little riled up and make you wrong and then I could see my stuff more clearly so..
    and thank you ๐Ÿ˜€

  134.  #134Linda on January 22, 2013 at 6:19 am

    I only have 2 CD’s now. the long distance one “decided that he was going a different direction with his life”… a different way of saying :I am gonna see somebody else now.. he is a serial monogomist dater….and I might add, completely confirming what I felt was happening (comparing me to another woman)… haha I wished him much happiness.

    He actually was getting on my nerves.

  135.  #135Mercedes on January 22, 2013 at 6:20 am

    And I totally agree with Dominique above. It probably doesn’t feel that long to him at all. A strong reaction from you will be noticed and…well…it might not make any sense to him.

    In either case, I do recommend circular dating and I think in your case it’s super important. I think it’s really important to anyone who wants something more than they are getting from their man. I know it helps keep us sane when we aren’t getting what we really want.

    Much Love,

  136.  #136Lori on January 22, 2013 at 6:20 am

    Indigo 105, thank you. I’m not sure what to say to him if he does call this morning. I was overwrought and exhausted when I texted him last night and told him I was upset and hurt. I felt like on the phone, I never show it. I’m always calm. That’s me. Never wanting to add to someone else’s discomfort or stress. My last text was to remind him that I would prefer to talk in person.

    I could use some suggestions on how to handle his phone call this morning. I’m thinking of the following:

    As much as I really want to talk with you, I think this is better to do in person. Right now, isn’t good for me. When would be good for you?

  137.  #137Tam on January 22, 2013 at 6:21 am

    Ha ha Beloved…no worries.

  138.  #138BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 6:28 am


    “However, I donโ€™t see him now even as a lover so no point. A lover who doesnโ€™t turn up โ€“ ah, spare the lady ”

    Ugh…I so feel you on that one…
    The last 2 men I felt so strongly about managed down my expectations to nothing so I started thinking, hey, we could be lovers with no strings attached…
    only, they have to actually show up for that, don’t they?

    And for me, I only felt more wretched when they wouldn’t even show up for just sex.

    I like the way you don’t internalise it the way I have in the past ๐Ÿ˜€

  139.  #139Dominique on January 22, 2013 at 6:29 am

    Emerson – 85 & 86 – Yum, yes please. ๐Ÿ™‚


  140.  #140Iamabutterfly on January 22, 2013 at 6:29 am

    I’ve had all three types mentioned in this post. They all make me feel so annoyed! I feel curious. I wonder if, as I grow stronger as a person, if Type number 1 wouldn’t feel more inclined to get my number and pursue me heavily. That would feel great! That is my goal. To become so secure in myself, that the only ones who even have the courage to approach are number 1s. and I’ll be so confident, they’ll be begging for my attention!

  141.  #141Tam on January 22, 2013 at 6:31 am

    Urgh, I just feel generally grumpy. He he.
    Which is ok considering I had a smooth run for about 6 weeks.
    I just want to drop lip and sulk…work-wise, friends-wise and men, ah!!
    I feel amused with my grumpiness though, like I want to punch the wall and then laugh at myself.

  142.  #142BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 6:35 am

    A little while ago I saw C and asked him for a hug and he took a deep, deep breath and considered it before hugging me.
    I am torturing him
    I’m being selfish
    For whatever reason, he has a weakness for me and I’ve been taking advantage because I’ve been weak, selfish, needy, dependent, depleted, disconnected from my source.

    I have been inappropriate.
    My shame has been blinding me.
    I’ve been through this spiral before and every time I come around I see a little more clearly.
    I will stop.

  143.  #143ruth on January 22, 2013 at 6:36 am

    Can you reframe that with a feeling message

    I no expert, but something like
    Right now I am feeling overwrought and exhausted

    It would feel better to talk t face to face .
    What do you think

  144.  #144ruth on January 22, 2013 at 6:39 am

    Three days would feel like aeons to me
    Boytime is strange

  145.  #145Lori on January 22, 2013 at 6:42 am

    Ruth, yes I can. That does sound better. I need to work on my FM.

    Everyone in my life is so used to my being strong, being able to handle everything. I realize that’s the impression I’ve given. Being a professional and then a single mom, it’s like I don’t have a choice. It’s not what I want with my man.

    I sent K the link to a country song, Kenny Chesney, The Woman with You. He said he understood. I know he does.

  146.  #146Dominique on January 22, 2013 at 6:44 am

    In honor of the unveiling and launch of my new video program, I will be holding a free call tonight. On the call I will be interviewed by a dear friend who has also been a client as well as my website designer and marketer.

    The lines will be opened at the end for questions, and there will be some very special offers made for registrants only.

    The call will be recorded, so if you cannot be there live, you will receive a copy within 24 hours.

    I would LOVE for you all to attend. The registrations form is below.



  147.  #147BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 6:51 am

    Blech blech blech I feel nauseous and like the world is spinning but I feel connected to my root chakra

    retch retch retch (grinning) retching
    Now I know why people stay in denial
    Coming out feels
    like noticing for the first time you have been living in and swimming in a septic tank for a long, long time.
    It’s fascinating how every time I come to awareness of this…I know I’ve noticed it before.
    I may go in an out of consciousness again
    I feel steady and sure for the moment though
    I can do this
    I feel strong
    I can laugh and gag at myself
    I can embody more and more awareness each time

  148.  #148Femininewoman on January 22, 2013 at 7:05 am

    Thanks Dominique

  149.  #149Femininewoman on January 22, 2013 at 7:06 am

    โ€œDo not bite at the bait of pleasure, till you know there is no hook beneath it.โ€

    โ€• Thomas Jefferson

  150.  #150Tam on January 22, 2013 at 7:09 am

    149. Ha!

  151.  #151Calypso on January 22, 2013 at 7:23 am

    I had a lovely evening chatting with The Hound . . . lol. I may change his name after we actually meet on Thursday. We seem to have a lot in common and there is definately sexual tension between us already. It feels nice ๐Ÿ™‚ He works 2nd shift, so he is at work when I go to bed and going to be when I am getting up, but after just a couple of days of chatting, we are making that work nicely.

    We are both expressing that we hope our in-person chemistry is as good as our phone/text chemistry. He says he is ready to find his special someone – Awwww . . . he says he wanta to spoil me – I wonder what that feels like ๐Ÿ™‚

  152.  #152BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 7:27 am

    I feel amused noticing how making my peace with the ‘dog’ in a man helps me make peace with my inner b*tch ๐Ÿ˜‰

  153.  #153Annie on January 22, 2013 at 7:27 am

    124: Tam.

    We’ve all done it honey.
    What happened last night was you invited him over, so became the pursuer. reversed the energy exchange risking rejection and him back tracking going into his feminine energy.
    Like in the post that FW put up re friends .

  154.  #154Tam on January 22, 2013 at 7:33 am

    hehe Annie, I think it was my subconscious or conscious ‘testing’ him.
    So, what is your priority then, really?
    ‘giving you a bullsh*t story about fetching my housemate a pizza whilst I had made other plans’

    YAWN. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  155.  #155Tam on January 22, 2013 at 7:34 am


  156.  #156Tam on January 22, 2013 at 7:39 am

    ‘I want to be with you every minute of every day’

    Curly man speak.

    Translates to:

    ‘unless someone else calls, the dog barks, my housemate needs a pizza or something good on TV’

    just trying to amuse myself here..lol…
    trying to get out of my generally grumpy mood today ๐Ÿ˜‰

  157.  #157NewfMom on January 22, 2013 at 7:40 am

    Wow – there are so many here today who I just want to HUG!! I feel so helpless reading the comments sometimes. it feels frustrating to know that I can’t help. ๐Ÿ™ But it also feels somewhat comforting knowing that we’re all here because we feel the same way.

    For me, I’ve experienced a bit of a paradigm shift. I went from feeling needy and angry with P on Friday, to feeling detached and ambivalient about his behavior in just a few days.

    He is still emailing and texting. I don’t mind it so much anymore, because I’m starting to not care as much anymore.

    I have concluded that most of the time, P doesn’t make me feel good anymore. And I don’t like feeling good. So I will be limiting my exposure to him.

    He asked me out to lunch tomorrow and I actually had other plans, so I told him no. I was being honest, and it felt good to be able to turn him down without feeling that I had to make something up.

    I’m corresponding with a couple of new guys. One seems really nice and has good masculine energy coming from him.

    I see a light at the end of the tunnel.

  158.  #158Tam on January 22, 2013 at 7:47 am

    NewfMom…as long as it’s not the oncoming train, as it seems to always be what my light at the end of the tunnel turns into..ha!

  159.  #159NewfMom on January 22, 2013 at 7:51 am

    Awwww – poor (((Tam)))! My heart feels so heavy knowing what you’re going through.

    I don’t think it’s an oncoming train. It might be, but I don’t think so. I think this is the way it is going to be, and I’m fine with it. Sure, it hurts, but not as much as the hurt I have felt with P in my life.

    He’s not gone – not entirely. But I have let him know that our relationship doesn’t feel good anymore. And I don’t like feeling bad.

  160.  #160Tam on January 22, 2013 at 7:55 am

    I like that NewfMom, I don’t like feeling bad either. Taking care of ourselves ๐Ÿ™‚

  161.  #161Iamabutterfly on January 22, 2013 at 8:00 am

    I feel more confident than I have in a really long time. It feels great. I feel like I am truly ready to accomplish some great things in my life, and I feel thrilled and thankful for this!

  162.  #162BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 8:13 am

    Aww, NewfMom, I’ll take one of those hugs if you don’t mind!

    I’m feeling sadness and acceptance.
    I’ve been struggling against reality even when I thought I wasn’t.
    Using FM’s with myself is showing me TRUTH
    and helping me accept reality.
    Walked into the other room and K was sitting in C’s lap.
    Noticing mixed feelings of wanting to be able to do that, and a fleeting sense of entitlement and some sadness and acceptance that I am just not K – they have a comfortable, platonic relationship. They don’t bring up feelings in each other like he and I do.
    It is what it is.
    I can accept this.

    I felt more surrendered and much less fidgety during my morning sadhana, I noticed I could get and stay still and feel relaxed more easily.

    Contemplating accepting things as they are, reminds me of a dream I had several years ago.

    I was lying, naked on a stone slab, like an altar.
    I was struggling, not fully conscious, moving around a lot.
    Hovering to my left was a white-robed bird-headed being, what struck me is how impersonal he felt.
    He patiently waited for me to settle down, and once I relaxed and got still, he placed what looked like a miniature sun in my 3rd eye,
    light was streaming through my eyes, it was beautiful, pure orange/red light, the brightest light I’d ever seen.

    I feel like that dream is unfolding now…I feel vulnerable, naked, more like a goddess (being on an altar), and the more accepting, surrendered I am, the less I struggle against reality, the more light I can receive and embody.

  163.  #163Mercedes on January 22, 2013 at 8:29 am

    “Its never too late….its never too bad…and you’re never too old or too sick to start from scratch once again” Bikram Choudhury

  164.  #164NewfMom on January 22, 2013 at 8:36 am

    ((((BeLoved)))) – what an amazing dream. It feels a little exciting and weird at the same time when you feel such a connection with a dream.

  165.  #165Starla on January 22, 2013 at 8:38 am

    From the other thread

    โ€ I disagree with Starla a little here. I donโ€™t think that fibbing to a man and pretending to be busy changes your vibe at all. I think they can feel the lie. โ€

    Lori, Mercedes, what I mean is a girl can take a day or two to herself and can just fib and say she was busy. I mean, if itโ€™s some man youโ€™re not even actively dating. We donโ€™t have to panic cuz the phoneโ€™s ringing, or feel guilty. It can be really as simple as fibbing once and saying you were busy. Men do this all the time when they feel overwhelmed.

  166.  #166Starla on January 22, 2013 at 8:41 am

    my relationship fantasies are all unfolding… all coming true

    I feel like one with my man but also like 2 totally sovereign creatures

    i feel happy and peaceful

  167.  #167NewfMom on January 22, 2013 at 8:42 am

    Starla – then you’re not lying. If you are setting aside some “me” time, you’re not lying at all when you say you’re busy.

    You can date yourself, too. ๐Ÿ™‚

  168.  #168MovingMagic on January 22, 2013 at 8:44 am

    I love that quote Mercedes. It’s a great philosophy to live by.

  169.  #169ruth on January 22, 2013 at 8:44 am

    I think it comes down to whether you are waiting for the phone to ring
    I expect a man can feel whe you are waiting for contact

  170.  #170BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 8:45 am


    I can’t justify doing something just because someone else does it…it would feel better and more integral to me to say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need some down time.”

    I’m learning that the tiniest of ‘fibs’ lead to huge fractures in my integrity.
    But also making mountains out of molehills, being overly ANALytical and taking things too seriously isn’t helpful, either ๐Ÿ˜›

  171.  #171Starla on January 22, 2013 at 8:54 am

    my man met me last night at the tire place while i waited for them to fix my car up, he looked so proud of me, like he was so proud to walk into the lobby full of men and sit next to me and kiss ME. it felt so sweet

    then we went to my house (actually, we raced in our cars, like dorks) and he hung out while i got some stuff taken care of… the visit was a surprise and he knew that i had to get some things done at home, but he was sooo distracting.

    note: men love when their woman is not paying attention to them. it fascinates them. they are compelled to come near and distract you. it’s adorable.

    we talked a bit more about some things from our past relationship with each other… he says things now like ‘i want to be with you for the rest of my life, so i am excited to figure everything out,’ and he means it…

    i’m so glad i followed my intuition and opened the door for a reunion with this man.

  172.  #172BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 8:54 am


    “I feel like one with my man but also like 2 totally sovereign creatures”

    Love this!
    This is has been my vision, it feels good hearing it’s happening for you!!!!!!!
    “sovereign integrals”

    I’m sort of ‘used’ to it…I’ve been doing dreamplay and consciously connecting dreaming/waking life for a couple of years now. Sometimes my friends and I do all-out re-enactments of our dreams and improv from there, or if it’s a little something like a dance step, I’ll tell myself, “this is to honor my dream” and do the dance step…this bridges my unconscious with the conscious and I can embody the information in the dream rather than trying to interpret it in a linear way.

    Which reminds me of another old dream it might be fun to play out with friends….!

  173.  #173Starla on January 22, 2013 at 8:56 am

    “I canโ€™t justify doing something just because someone else does it”

    I didn’t say this because it’s justification.. it’s just relative perspective

    we are way too hard on ourselves sometimes. and we get scared that if we don’t act like perfect good girls, the man, who isn’t even committed to us, will disappear. it’s BS. If you want to be left the f*ck alone for a day, then take it. You don’t owe an explanation. Tell that man you was busy. The end.

  174.  #174Lori on January 22, 2013 at 9:00 am

    K called this morning to see what was going on. I told him about my son being in the hospital. He wanted to know what was going on. I told him, didn’t really have answers yet. I told him that I wasn’t sure I was going to tell him. He asked why I wouldn’t tell him and seemed surprised by it. I told him how I felt and that I don’t like to add to his stress. He said he didn’t even want to go there. He then said he needed to get to work but that he wanted me to call him later with an update on my son. I asked him if he was sure because I knew he would be busy. He said of course. (I need to work on taking what he says at face value).

    I think this is an example of his stepping up for me. I also think this is his masculine energy coming through and offering me his support.

  175.  #175Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:01 am

    also, committing to myself to hold back some of the urgency/initiation compulsion around sex was the best thing i could have done

    that man will let me know (non verbally) when he wants sex. it was better for me to just let him lead, so he can come out of his shell a bit. i have a feeling his shell is hiding A LOT and i’m going to end up with a lot more than i bargained for, haha, in the best way possible.

  176.  #176Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:04 am

    Lori that is so awesome

    just one tweak, i see you worrying about his stress levels and second-guessing his offers to step up by asking him if he’s sure. what if next time you just said, ‘thank you, that is so thoughtful of you”? A compliment to a man will do many more wonders than minding his stress levels. It will actually inspire and motivate him to handle his life BETTER! Go for it, I say!

  177.  #177Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:08 am

    minding his stress levels and second guessing his sweet offers is aka overfunctioning

  178.  #178Lori on January 22, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Yeah, Dominique pretty much told me the same thing. When I call him later, I’m going to thank him for his support and let him know that it means a lot to me.

    I also realized that I was afraid to tell him because I thought he would think “she’s got problems that I don’t need or want to deal with” and that he would bail. This made me realize that I wasn’t giving him enough credit and selling him short.

    I was surprised by his response. He talked to me about what was going on and then asked me to call him with updates. I didn’t have any answers at this point.

  179.  #179Mercedes on January 22, 2013 at 9:11 am

    Yup Starla…I completely agree. I just prefer to say “I need some ‘me’ time” or “I needed some ‘me’ time” (if it’s after the fact) rather than fib and say I was busy when I really wasn’t.

    I don’t think just saying I’m busy without actually BEING BUSY changes my vibe in a good way and I really think guys can sort of “feel it” when we’re not being authentic.

    It feels better to me to say “I need some down time” (or alone time or me time or relaxation time or whatever time). I’m not saying what you suggest wouldn’t work or isn’t right, I’m just saying I don’t think it would be my approach or my advice.

    Much Love,

  180.  #180Lori on January 22, 2013 at 9:12 am

    lol. Yep, I’m learning. I won’t do that again. I have to give him the opportunity to step up which he did. This has been difficult for me and knowing that he’s “there” means a lot to me.

  181.  #181Annie on January 22, 2013 at 9:16 am

    154: Tam says:

    “hehe Annie, I think it was my subconscious or conscious โ€˜testingโ€™ him.
    So, what is your priority then, really?
    โ€˜giving you a bullsh*t story about fetching my housemate a pizza whilst I had made other plansโ€™

    YAWN. ๐Ÿ˜‰ ”

    Yep know what you mean.
    It now feels best to me to take everything people say, especially men with a pinch of salt and turn on my Bovine Excrement detector, sit back, watch and observe what they do.
    People show us what they really want deep down with their actions not their socialally conditioned superficial words which are mainly used to control and manipulate.

    Trouble is, harsh reality feels painful sometimes to accept.
    But at least when we stop fooling ourselves we are then able to focus on taking action to create a better reality.

  182.  #182NewfMom on January 22, 2013 at 9:18 am

    Mercedes/Starla – perhaps it’s the perception of how you see one response over another. I, for one, have *no* problem saying that I’m busy when I have scheduled some “me” time. It doesn’t change my vibe because I have actually carved out the time for it.

    Now, if I just declined a date without having made prior plans, yet saying that I was busy, I would not be authentic. And I am certain that would come out in my vibe.

    I think it’s all in how you view it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  183.  #183k2012 on January 22, 2013 at 9:19 am

    Thanks Dominique. What time is the call?

  184.  #184BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 9:24 am


    “If you want to be left the f*ck alone for a day”
    Haha I’d feel a lot better saying that than I was busy, lol.
    Cuz truth be told, busy makes it sound like I take time off to actually *do* something..
    er, yeah, I was busy lying on the couch and staring at the ceiling feeling good about my life and maybe rolling off for a minute to get some almond milk and pee..

  185.  #185Annie on January 22, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Starla, you were busy so it wasn’t a fib.
    You were busy doing something for you, no game playing, you preferred to do something for you, you were busy with you.
    What would have been a fib was if what you really wanted was to be with him and had nothing planned for you, making up that you were busy.\
    A subtle difference.
    If you already had plans for you that you wanted to do. plans to have a nice bubble bath, read a book, etc.

  186.  #186Femininewoman on January 22, 2013 at 9:25 am

    Just the thought that I tell a fib would drag down my vibe because I am sure my NV would start screaming at me calling me all kinds of names.

  187.  #187Mercedes on January 22, 2013 at 9:26 am

    NewfMom: I agree totally. It was the use of the word “fib” and the instruction that it would change your vibe is the only piece of what Starla said that I disagree with. The rest is pretty much spot on if you ask me.

    Much Love,

  188.  #188Annie on January 22, 2013 at 9:27 am


    Nothingness feels very underrated to me. ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ˜‰

  189.  #189Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:28 am

    i still feel like i’m not being understood, which might be my fault.

    what i mean to say is

    it’s better to say ‘i was busy’ than to not take the time you need at all. it’s better to ignore some calls and later say you were busy, than to panic when the phone rings and stress over what’s going to happen if you dare to take care of yourself and take the space you need.

    yes, ideally, you would just tell the truth..

    i’m just suggesting you fib before you martyr your well being off to a man who’s not even committed to you

  190.  #190Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:30 am

    f*ck semantics. if you don’t want to believe that i mean what i SAY i meant, and dwell on some single word and its various semantic implications instead, then i’m just going to get pissed and stop talking.

  191.  #191NewfMom on January 22, 2013 at 9:31 am

    Annie (188) – Brilliant!! Love this!

  192.  #192Mercedes on January 22, 2013 at 9:34 am

    Starla: I think we agree…I really do… I’m just more inclined to do or advise this part than the other:

    “yes, ideally, you would just tell the truth..”

    Much Love,

  193.  #193BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 9:36 am

    because I didn’t used to p*ssyfoot around men like this..
    omg omg omg I want to SCREAM !!!!

    For all the times I shrank inside and cowered instead of walking away – because he would chase me down! he followed me once outside the house, yelling at me the whole way and put himself in front of my car and had ME crying and feeling horrible because he fell and broke his arm and hit his head and I PAID HIS FRIGGING ER BILLLLLL OMG OMG OMG
    I love you Beloved I’m so sorry
    I want to scream and scream and scream and scream

    I am strong I am strong I am strong
    I know better now I know better now
    My precious mind has not been right
    I love you I love you I love you

    (I’m okay, y’all…no worries! I am a safe place.)

  194.  #194Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:37 am

    pssssshhhhhhhh yo mama

    i’m pissed

    haha but when i say that “out loud” it just sounds silly

    my periods late.

    someone send me some period vibes

  195.  #195NewfMom on January 22, 2013 at 9:37 am

    You Sirens are so aweome! But I must run – I need to study my tools in Rori’s video/audio sessions. It’s something I do every day at work. I can listen to them while working. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hugs to you all!

  196.  #196Dominique on January 22, 2013 at 9:42 am

    k2012 – 183 – 5:30 PM western, 7:30 central, 8:30 eastern, and a recording will be made, so if you can’t make the time, a copy will be sent to you if you register, and the special offers will also be valid. The details are on the link I attached.


  197.  #197Lori on January 22, 2013 at 9:43 am

    Ladies, I’m really happy that I took the chance and showed my vulnerability with him. That I “trusted” him and let him know what was going on instead of downplaying or not telling him at all. I put it out there and he stepped up. Wow, men really do want to be there for us. He didn’t run. I was afraid that he would be like “ewww, I don’t want to deal with this” but he didn’t! Instead, he offered his support and strength. What a novelty and a surprise for me.

  198.  #198Lori on January 22, 2013 at 9:44 am

    Looking forward to it Dominique!

  199.  #199Annie on January 22, 2013 at 9:44 am

    Starla, if it feels better to you, it feels better to you.
    And feel in agreement with you and love your attitude, who gives a fuck if someone disagrees.
    If it feels better to you to ‘fib’ then fib. ๐Ÿ™‚

  200.  #200Annie on January 22, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Starla, if it feels better to you, it feels better to you.
    And feel in agreement with you and love your attitude, who gives a f8888ck if someone disagrees.
    If it feels better to you to โ€˜fibโ€™ then fib. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Each to their own, your perfect match for you will not much care.

  201.  #201Annie on January 22, 2013 at 9:53 am

    I feel both happy and concerned for you at the same time.
    Happy that you feel happy and that this man is stepping up and supporting you as a friend.
    And feel concerned that you may be reading that stepping up as a friend as something more than friendship.
    Friendship is friendship.
    Romance with friendship is something else.

  202.  #202BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 9:53 am

    Awww, Starla…
    Personally I just got triggered a little bit because that’s what M got all over my case about –
    I had the audacity to call him 5 times because something super super special was happening right then that was a once-in-a-lifetime thing and I was so excited to let him know and
    he called back yelling at me, “I’m a Very Busy Person. What’s next? You come to my house and kick in my door?”
    I was like…uh…no, I just hear that you didn’t like it and take that into consideration and know you are not someone I can play with like this.

    Very Busy Person was Very Busy jacking off on the internet with anonymous women.
    My bad.

  203.  #203Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:56 am

    Beloved, hahahaha that guy is ridiculous. I can’t stop laughing

    “i’m a very busy person”

    welllllllllll i am the queen of france.

  204.  #204Lori on January 22, 2013 at 9:57 am

    I get that Annie. But I tend to agree with Dominique and Indigo. I don’t think he wants to be just friends. I think he’s confused, stressed and overwhelmed with work and doesn’t know what he wants. I don’t think he wants to let me go. I’m going to continue to lean back and appreciate what he does do. I’m also going to continue to CD.

  205.  #205Starla on January 22, 2013 at 9:59 am

    I gotta say that Lori’s guy is not just being a good friend to her. He is definitely interested in sex/romance with this woman. I could definitely see the rori raye 3rd way working on this man, but having it work on any particular man is besides the point. it’s about honoring yourself and creating a great life for yourself so that you end up in the best relationship possible for you. that might not be this man. but it won’t matter ‘who’ it is by then.

  206.  #206Tam on January 22, 2013 at 10:06 am

    I fib when I want to…actually changes my vibe into someone who wants to do what they want to do without offending anyone.
    ‘busy’ means ‘busy’ as in looking after myself. Could be a nap.
    Not feling guilty about that at all, rather indulgent and sassy and high value.

  207.  #207Lori on January 22, 2013 at 10:06 am

    Thanks Starla. I’m working on it. I just have to control my reactive impulses when that “icky” voice in my head starts speaking. lol

    He needs to lead and be in his masculine energy. He has said how much he loves that I like being a woman and feminine. He also finds my head for business very attractive. I have to learn how to balance all this.

  208.  #208Starla on January 22, 2013 at 10:15 am

    Lori i really think you’re just a coupla tweaks away from finding that balance. what sticks out the most to me is just the overfunctioning and second guessing him when he’s in his masculine energy. maybe it seems like too much to YOU when he offers support, because as a woman you find yourself offering things when you don’t actually really really want to. i think men are a bit different. if they don’t want to help/be there, they won’t offer it.

    this is a big generalization though

  209.  #209Lori on January 22, 2013 at 10:18 am

    He’s in his masculine energy at all times. I’ve never known him not to be. I have to learn how to go from overfunctioning/masculine energy when we are discussing business to feminine energy when we are on a personal level.

  210.  #210Starla on January 22, 2013 at 10:36 am

    192, mercedes, maybe fibbing is the first babystep away from martyring off your personal space and needs, on the path to one day being able to proudly say ‘hey i need some me space!’

    ahhh, me space is the best:)

  211.  #211Smile on January 22, 2013 at 10:49 am

    My anxiety around needing to give the exclusivity speech has faded. I have so much energy coming from him I don’t feel insecure, I’m feeling content, I have no reason to believe he is seeing anyone else so I’m relaxed and enjoying receiving ๐Ÿ™‚ I love trust, glad I let go of past hurt to be able to do this.
    Thank you dominique ๐Ÿ™‚

  212.  #212BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 10:54 am

    Note to self:
    Do not share exciting news with men who never ever ever ever reflect good vibes.
    Stop doing that.
    Men who only ever say, “Cool,” or “good” or “that’s a good thing”
    bring me down every every time.
    Stop validation seeking.
    Stop seeking to share with people who don’t have it in them to congratulate you or generate more positive energy.
    It feels bad, baddity bad bad.
    No more.
    Pearls before swine.

  213.  #213Turquoise on January 22, 2013 at 11:04 am

    Mercedes…. When I made my first vision board, I believe that the energy and excitement I felt, travelled into the poster board. I put a house on there and 6 months later C offered to buy one for me! I never ever expected that to happen!

    Build your dream board, and watch it come true! I really need to meditate more. I know it would do wonders to quiet my erratic mind.

    I decided to stop worrying about sweetheart, (he’s a J too ๐Ÿ™‚ ) and manifest what I want for him, myself, and potentially for us.

    He is a good man and he loves me a lot. Not a bad place to start! I do believe he could be in my life to also keep me focused on my finances. That’s a personal goal for me this year, to pay off the last of my debt, live within my means and also save a decent nest egg. My finances are on my mind daily and I can accomplish all this, if I’m viligent about it. I feel very responsible ๐Ÿ™‚

  214.  #214Turquoise on January 22, 2013 at 11:11 am

    Tom emailed me this morning to see what my weekend plans were. Last time he asked I turned him down because I already had plans that night. It’s nice to see he asked in advance, but I told him I’m seeing someone. Even if I continued to CD him, he was never attentive when we weren’t together. I shared how happy it made me to hear from him, but he is not a regular texter/caller. It wasn’t enough. Even though he has a good job, comparing what I had with him to what I have with SH, I’d rather be with SH! Hmmm… Maybe he popped up to remind me of that.

  215.  #215Vi on January 22, 2013 at 11:19 am

    I notice that my judgements and NVs directed at men in most cases cover my fear to communicate a boundary. I intend to use the NVs energy to idenyify and script my boundaries and practice speaking them up. Or at least do Waterwheel tool using this energy.

  216.  #216Turquoise on January 22, 2013 at 11:29 am

    What other visualization are there about abundance besides the 100 men giving gifts? Wouldn’t that feel amazing to be around 100 men who all wanted to give you presents? I love presents! Sweetheart told me I need a necklace with a diamond. He loves diamonds…. Now only if he had the money to buy me one lol! I haven’t gotten a special gift from a man in a long time. C bought me some extra car insurance in December. Practical and very much appreciated, but I’d like special and romantic…. Sigh.

  217.  #217Femininewoman on January 22, 2013 at 11:35 am

    I believe the Waterwheel tool is about abundance too.

  218.  #218Elsie on January 22, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Ok I going nuts. Thank you to Mercedes, Dominique and Ruth โ€ฆ heres the update. Got to work. Saw him at the front in a temporary place and I very briefly couldnโ€™t get the door open. He laughed about how he was the โ€œsecurityโ€ now and they donโ€™t need a lock on the door. Anwyay โ€“ I breezed past with a smile and warm and open, discussing nothing. Then at 11:00 I got an email from him โ€“ Working out at 11:30???? I answered Sure! We walked to the gym which is just a few feet away, and no mention of weekend, etc. In the gym, he asked if I had worked out over the weekend, we chatted a bitโ€ฆhe said he stayed at home all 3 days with the kids and never left the house โ€“ I told him that I was crazy super productive and told him the 5 rooms I cleaned out and he was soooo surprised and thought that was awesome. โ€“ then he came up and asked how many miles I was going to do โ€“ I said either 2 or 3 Iโ€™m not sure yet. So, then I did ask if he was going to run and he said yes, he would run one mile (that was always our deal to run next to each other). Anyway โ€“ he ran, and we usually do 100 pushups together, but I think he wanted to get back since he is more out in the open and people would notice him being gone longer, so he went back. When I walked back into the office from working out โ€“ he didnโ€™t even look up at me. What?? So anyway โ€“ here I sit. I look calm on the outside but inside Iโ€™m a mess. Iโ€™m just tucking my crazy in right now. I hate this set up that is temporary โ€“ and I hate that I have no idea where we will sit after this. We had SO MUCH quality time at work because we could talk and chat without anyone ever seeing and now we just cant do that. Its day 1 and I miss him so much and he is just right there and I cant even see or talk to him, but he is less than 50 feet away. Ugh. He probably isnโ€™t thinking any of this โ€“ and is just working. I feel insecure. I feel like if I give him space then he wont come back to me โ€“ I feel scared and insecure. I know that it sounds insane, and I know what you girls are going to say to me โ€“ but thatโ€™s how I feel. What if he doesnโ€™t text me tonight. What if Idont get the quality time anymoreโ€ฆ..ahhh!!!! I could scream. Dang Oxytocin โ€“ stupid drug. I just want to talk to him and see his face and smile and have him make me laugh and give me a hug or touch me. Today is NOT a good day โ€“ please say something to calm me down โ€“ Iโ€™m insane.

  219.  #219Dominique on January 22, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Elsie – The difficult concept here is that he won’t come back if you give him space, and by space I don’t mean shutting him out, energetically or otherwise. If he’s the man for you, he will come around.

    And stop the what if. They will hurt you and get you all messed up every time.

    So you sink into these awful feeling feelings. Love them. Embrace them. Give them a chance to move through you.

    Then you do your best to breathe and stay open and curious to whatever unfolds.


  220.  #220Turquoise on January 22, 2013 at 12:11 pm

    Universe…. Send me an abundance of happy things please!

  221.  #221Elsie on January 22, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    @Dominique – Im confused…

    Elsie โ€“ The difficult concept here is that he wonโ€™t come back if you give him space, and by space I donโ€™t mean shutting him out, energetically or otherwise. If heโ€™s the man for you, he will come around.

    I dont understand – am I supposed to give him space or not? LOL


  222.  #222Femininewoman on January 22, 2013 at 12:40 pm

    If he can’t FEEL you – there’s nothing there
    for him to “like” except the superficial stuff.
    (And none of us like being liked for just that).

    If we can up the ante – and be even more than
    “comfortable” and “okay” with ourselves – if we
    can actually LOVE ourselves in the presence of a
    man – wow – he can FEEL that.

    And that pulls him in like a magnet.

    That reads as confidence. Try this:

    1. Change the word “confident” in your head to

    2. Now make a list of the things you can be
    comfortable with – about yourself and your

    Think “comfy.” Think “familiar.” Think “soft.”

    It could be like this – “my eyebrows – they
    feel silky to me when I pass my finger over them.

    Or…”my wrist – I love the way a bracelet
    floats around it and over my hand.”

    Or…”my necklace – it’s meaningful to me.”

    Or…”my laugh – it always makes me feel good
    when I giggle and see everyone else laugh, too.”

    Go ahead and make a nice-sized list of things
    that you can wear, take with you, or that are
    parts of you…


    3. Go to a mirror and read your list out loud.

    Touch the parts of yourself that are on your
    list and that you feel comfortable with (not just
    comfortable “okay” – but comfortable “good”).

    Touch the things that are on your list that you
    feel good with.

    4. Do this every day, and get really really
    comfortable and familiar with your list – memorize
    it just because you say it so much to yourself in
    the mirror.

    5. Now, take it out to the world.

    Wherever you are, if you start to feel yourself
    as insecure or nervous – instead of backing away
    (or overcompensating by being “sporty, friendly
    and leaning forward”)- simply say to yourself some
    of the things on your list and NOTICE them.

    Notice them on your body if you’re wearing
    them, or inside you if their qualities you’re
    comfortable with, or in the smell of the coffee or
    the music around you (more good things to put on
    your list…).

    Now – just CALL this CONFIDENCE.

    Let me know what your experience is with this –
    I know that when I sink into “comfort” without
    worrying about what “confidence” looks like –
    everything gets better. I can notice things
    around me I might have blocked out, and I can let
    the men around me lean into me and speak to
    me…all while I’m feeling comfortable.

    So – I’m saying – yes – that if you can
    practice loving yourself – no matter what – and do
    it in public, and in private with a man, and at a
    first meeting, or at a party – everywhere (and you
    have to practice this) – then you are creating

    Even if you fall down a flight of stairs and
    turn bright red, even if you spill a drink, even
    if you burp, even if you are frightened out of
    your mind at how handsome the man standing in
    front of you is – no matter WHAT happens – if you
    firmly, lavishly, totally are practicing LOVING
    YOURSELF through the whole thing – no matter how
    embarrassed you may be at the same time – you will
    not only come across as confident, you’ll come
    across as amazingly, irresistibly ATTRACTIVE.

    This is what my Modern Siren program is about –
    and it will show you how to get “into yourself”
    emotionally to create this kind of attractive vibe
    around yourself. A vibe that will only get
    STRONGER – even in the most difficult


  223.  #223Mercedes on January 22, 2013 at 12:43 pm

    Elsie: I think Dominique is saying that if he is the right man for you and you don’t shut him out but you do stay open to him, this will not happen:

    “I feel like if I give him space then he wont come back to me”

    Much Love,

  224.  #224Starla on January 22, 2013 at 12:50 pm

    oh dear
    it’s really happening

    the reporter from the magazine will be here on friday
    and she’ll be having me photographed for the piece

    and you’ll all get to see my face in the magazine

    eeeeeeeek and yay

  225.  #225BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 12:55 pm


    The magic of telling the truth, using FM’s with myself, the universe, my body, whatever…plus sinking into my feelings and feeling all the good, the bad and the ugly
    seems to be magically creating boundaries in my being where it felt difficult before.

    I had some stuff come up at work where, in the past, I would have had an attitude of “let me do it for you…let me make it easy for you…” and take on responsibility that wasn’t mine.
    I just knew what to do, where to go, what to ask, and who to hand stuff off to with no qualms, no guilt, no second-guessing, no discomfort.

    I’m feeling even more at peace.
    Quiet, still, tranquil in my body.

  226.  #226Dominique on January 22, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    Elsie – yes though unless he is actually asking for space, I would prefer to look at this as you not leaning forward. allow him to come to you.

    make better sense?


  227.  #227BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 1:00 pm


    Squeeee for you Starla!!

    You are sooo brave!
    Guess whose a$$ ran away and wouldn’t return phone calls from CNN when I had the chance???
    Ex was on the Today Show and splashed all over the news over and over again and my cowardly butt
    hid in the background
    (more shame stuff!!)


    Good good good on youuuu!!
    You’ll rock it and be awesome ๐Ÿ˜€

  228.  #228Calypso on January 22, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    Hound is telling me he is going to get our “First Kiss” the minute we meet . . . that makes my tummy do a crazy little dance ๐Ÿ™‚

  229.  #229Starla on January 22, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Beloved, I definitely FEEL like running away from reporters/photographers/video crews. I understand. I am so self conscious about how I look in pictures. But I am going to do this. It’s important and is for a greater good than myself.

    Plus a photo shoot will be fun. I should get used to it, you know. I’m going to be very powerful and famous one day.

  230.  #230Elsie on January 22, 2013 at 1:33 pm

    OK โ€“ update. I was outside the office on the cell phone because my child went to the nurses room. He knows my child well. He walked into the office โ€“ held the door open for me and asked what was going on with my child. I told him. He was very awesome. Then he started to talk about how this temporary area we are in is so โ€œopen and quietโ€ meaning it in a bad way โ€“ like (Iโ€™m hoping) that we cant talk like we usually do. I stayed near him and chatted because he was initiating conversation. He asked about a cell phone game we play and he said he had something to tell me about what happened this weekend, and I told him I had smething to tell him too โ€“ but obviously we cant because wow โ€“ its so open and quiet. So Iโ€™m assuming that peaked his interest enough that maybe he and I will chit chat by text tonight, etc. Anyway โ€“ he asked when I was leaving today I said I wasnโ€™t sure now that my soon to be ex is taking our child to a doctors visit, etc. Anyway โ€“ it was a very nice easy conversation. It wasnโ€™t flirty โ€“ which was too bad, but that isnโ€™t his way at work anyway. Also, he didnโ€™t ask more about what I did over the weekend โ€“ oh well. He then helped another coworker open the door to the office and I took that as an opportunity to breeze away. Instead of waiting and just talking more, I just left him instead of making him feel like ohโ€ฆ.shes been standing here too long and everyone can see. I also didnโ€™t tell him when I was leaving today. So, Iโ€™m leaning back. It felt good to talk to him. I could tell that if this were a normal day in our old office he would have totally wanted to come over and talk to me for an hour or so. So that was good โ€“ I just donโ€™t like still that he didnโ€™t text me for three days.

  231.  #231Smile on January 22, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    Barp, pffff…. Whatever! I just found the note strummingman left me saying he really misses me, he knows he’s hurt me and he wants that to change. He’s sorry and he loves me…

    These were words not followed up with actions!

    I got great pleasure in shredding it! I think I only kept it unknowingly because of my moving house at the time.

    I feel released.

  232.  #232Turquoise on January 22, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    Starla…. you will be powerful and famous one day… I see that in the stars for you!

  233.  #233Turquoise on January 22, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    So C just texted me to let me know that our house is listed as one of the most expensive in the neighborhood and one of, if not the largest.

    That was quick universe… thank you for reminding me of the abundance I already have!

  234.  #234Starla on January 22, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    Thank you, Turquoise, that means sooooooo much to me. I can’t believe how far I got in just the first 25 years of my life! I can’t believe that a few years later, the opportunities are getting bigger and fancier.

    lucky lucky lucky duck me

  235.  #235Turquoise on January 22, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    I just feel lucky to know you Starla. ๐Ÿ™‚ You are paving a strong path into your future…. and my girls will be young adults in the next 10 years. I’m glad you’ll be a strong leader. I feel that. I don’t necessarily agree with your views on pot, but I never claim to be an expert or to know it all, so I’m open to your beliefs and viewpoints. Someday I’ll be able to say…. I knew her when…..


  236.  #236Starla on January 22, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    What’s weird is i always knew since i was about 18 that I’d be famous. And I never liked that. I am so shy about the way I look… if I see anyone commenting online that I’m ugly, I’ll cry and cry and cry, haha. But at least I can come here and find some acceptance and comfort. And QZ thinks I’m beautiful. As do all my closest friends.

  237.  #237Starla on January 22, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    awwww ((((((((turquoise))))))))

    i feel so touched! your support means a great deal to me, thank you!

  238.  #238FlowerChild77 on January 22, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I have a question about Lori’s situation. If she/you was/were worrying about him not wanting to deal with more stress, etc. and questioning whether his interest is friend-zoned or romantic—would it not be better for him to call you for an update about what’s going on? You already expressed an interest in talking in person and now he says to call him.

    I am not judging anything here—I’m just trying to balance out what Rori talks about (us initiating and then not knowing, for sure, where the guy stands, etc.)

    Lori, you and your son are in my thoughts. I will be praying for him and sending good thoughts your way<3

  239.  #239Lori on January 22, 2013 at 2:25 pm

    Hi FlowerChild, I normally do not call him. He calls me. Even before he said he didn’t want a relationship, I generally waited for him to initiate contact. He knows that I will not call him first. That’s why he told me to call him. Btw, he didn’t ask me to call him. He told me to call him later and let him know what’s going on. Masculine energy, that’s for sure.

    Thank you for the prayers for my son. I appreciate it.

  240.  #240Elsie on January 22, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    Lori – total prayers for your son….

  241.  #241Starla on January 22, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    i totally missed what’s happening with lori’s son in the hospital…

  242.  #242FlowerChild77 on January 22, 2013 at 2:33 pm

    Turquoise…I haven’t been on the blog much, but I’ve been following your story and I’m so happy for you! =)

    And Starla…I’m very happy for you, as well. I’m very excited to see/read the magazine article you’re going to be featured in. Super cool!

  243.  #243Lori on January 22, 2013 at 2:38 pm

    Thanks Elsie. Starla, I had to admit him last night. He’s sick. I’m waiting for the doctor to see him.

    K called me this morning and I told him what was happening and that I was hesitant to tell him. He was surprised and asked why I wouldn’t tell him. I said one was because I hesitate to add to his stress and then two, I felt bad. He said he wasn’t even going to go there with the stress and said for me to call him later with an update.

    I was scared to be vulnerable and take the risk of telling him. I don’t normally. But he didn’t run, he talked about it and stepped up to be there for me. It means a lot.

  244.  #244Starla on January 22, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    sick how? is it serious?

  245.  #245Lori on January 22, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    I don’t think it’s too serious, not fatal anyway. They are running tests and the doctor is going to be seeing him soon.

    Starla, when I talked to K last night, I asked him (which now I know I shouldn’t have as I’m assuming) to just tell me if he didn’t want to talk. I was feeling like since he knew I wanted to talk and wasn’t stepping forward that he didn’t want to. He said that he absolutely would tell me if he didn’t want to. He said he does but that he’s just really busy with Superbowl approaching.

  246.  #246Calypso on January 22, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    I’m for sure going to change Hounds name, but will wait till I meet him to try to get it just right . . . He just texted me, “Baby, u r amazing! I have strong feelings for you already!”

    Wow . . . i needed this ๐Ÿ™‚

  247.  #247Starla on January 22, 2013 at 2:53 pm


    i know how you felt. i have said/asked that to men too. i don’t think we do ourselves, or them, any favors by giving them an ‘out’ of caring for us. f*ck that, we’re worth it.

    i know i have a potty mouth today, sorry. i’m nervous. hehhhh

  248.  #248Lori on January 22, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    lol. It’s okay Starla. It will be okay.

    He stepped up in way that I could see and it made me realize that Dominique is right. We look for them to step up in ways that we would instead of noticing they are doing it in their way.

  249.  #249Starla on January 22, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    dominique’s sooo right about that. i feel sorry for all the guys who tried to step up but i was too stubborn to notice haha

  250.  #250Lori on January 22, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    That’s where no expectations or assumptions come in. If we are expecting or assuming, then we are waiting for them to do what we think they should do. Instead of noticing that they are doing it their way.

    I was worried he would run if it was too much trouble, wow, I sure gave him a lot of credit.

  251.  #251Sirenity on January 22, 2013 at 4:37 pm

    I agree with Ruth about paying for dates. In my country the whole dating thing is more casual and men are less likely to chase you forever , and take it as disinterest if you lean back too far. The whole dating “thing” is not as entrenched as in American culture. Meetings are often quite casual and maybe not so structured? It is hard to know if not living in the others country just how different things may be.

    I lost a few good men by leaning back too far until I realised that I really do need to initiate a little and not expect them to do all the work. They started keen then got quieter then withdrew. There is a stronger expectation of egalitarianism in dating and perhaps women have greater freedoms here in this
    department. But men like you to offer to pay half after the first date. Many men wont want to accept this but never reaching for your purse is looked on as bad form.

    Men dont go around collecting phone numbers either, not from strangers in public places who they think are cute. Does that really happen in other countries?

    Anyway this is not to say that the general message here is invalid, no way! Absolutely correct that many of us women (me included) need to keep our clinging and overfunctioning in check and I hope I have learned that lesson. And the self esteem building is invaluable.

  252.  #252Sirenity on January 22, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    Calypso I have read a few coaches who warn of premature declaration of feelings by people who havent met. I am sure you will just keep perspective so nothing imaginary takes off.

    Meanwhile enjoy the nice feelings.

  253.  #253Starbright on January 22, 2013 at 4:51 pm


    How do we sign up for your call tonight?

    I got an email about the times being wrong but I haven’t signed up and can’t find anywhere to do that…



  254.  #254Tereana on January 22, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    So, a little closure, a little bit not. I had a friend come with me today to get the rest of my stuff outbid the guy’s house. He was asleep most if the time, as I expected. But then he got up to go to work. I felt scared. I didn’t want to be alone in the house with him. But then I felt sad when I didn’t see him leave. I don’t know why, but I just wanted to see him one more time – in broad daylight – to see what he looked like.

    Afterward, I had a little release, and I cried, with my guy friend right there. I didn’t care. I didn’t want him to go.

    Later on I checked my phone, and I had a message from the Guy. “I understand. You’re a nice person. My loss.”

    I guess he got it. And I didn’t even have to say a word….

  255.  #255Tereana on January 22, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    Actually, what he wrote was, “your a nice person . My Lost (sic)”

    I guess he must have been typing fast or something….

  256.  #256Memulo on January 22, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    Ohh my cd it sounds is losing interest. He didn’t call yesterday and then I said I was feeling tired of texts so he called. In our conversation he said that he felt upset that while on a slope I asked him to take a photo of me on my cell, but didn’t take his photo and didn’t ask him for one.
    Isn’t it amazing how little it takes to break it for them?
    And isn’t it amazing that smartcd is still in his relationship, only I am doomed, even with someone who was soooo fond of me?

  257.  #257Lori on January 22, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    I called k to give him an update on my son like he asked. He felt bad but only had a couple of minutes. I said that I was calling like he had asked me to do. He said that he thought it was ridiculous that I wasn’t sure I could tell him. I told him why and he said that that’s my kid and he would never think that way. I told him that I really appreciated his being there for me today and that it meant a lot to me. He said that he wished there was more he could do.

    He said he had to go but said we would talk tomorrow.

  258.  #258Annie on January 22, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    I feel so frustrated when something happens that feels important to me and involves me or my children that matters to me. And the other person states that it feels unimportant to them and doesn’t care or think it is important that they have gone back on their agreement and word and is no big deal that they did what I didn’t want.
    I hate this, it feels so upsetting to me, I want to hurt that person so badly, I feel so disrespected, helpless, not got and not understood.
    I hate this. ๐Ÿ™
    It feels impossible not to attack them verbally and physically. it feels impossible at times to control my reactions in those circumstances.

    It hurts my heart and soul when this happens.
    My feelings about this matter to me.
    This feels really really bad!!!!!!!!

  259.  #259BeLoved on January 22, 2013 at 5:53 pm


    Annie I feel ya, Mama Bear.
    Good instincts.
    Reading your post feels like primal growling in my belly.

  260.  #260Annie on January 22, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    I don’t want my feelings pulled apart examined and to made out that my feelings are unreasonable, because they are not able to understand why I feel this way on a logical level.
    It feels so exasperating and stressful and harmful toxic and poisonous and damaging to me.

    I could sit here until kingdom come explaining, validating and giving reasons for why I feel like I do and want things a certain way, but it feels so pointless as if the other person is not able to see it from my point of view as if they were me they are just going to continue to agree verbally to do what I want to shut me up in the moment, but not do it anyway.
    How on earth is it possible to put my trust in a person who does this? ๐Ÿ™
    It just isn’t and facing that reality stinks big time.
    I have no control over that reality, the other persons ability to put themselves in my shoes and see it as if they were me and if they will do what I want and honor their verbal agreement with their actions.
    History has shown me time and time again they wont.
    I feel sad about this, very very sad.

  261.  #261Annie on January 22, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    Ty BeLoved.

  262.  #262Elsie on January 22, 2013 at 5:56 pm

    Hi all –

    Update – we did chat some at work. He knew my child was sick because he heard me outside the office talking on my cell and we talked about it a bit along with some other things. That felt nice. It felt nice that it seemed like he wished we could talk more but couldnt given our temporary office.

    Then at 630 tonight he texted me and asked how my kiddy was doing. So sweet. I told him about the diagnosis and that she doesnt feel good but should be ok hopefully. He brought up some other things and we texted for a bit and then I had to get some things done, and then answered his last text about a half an hour after he texted me last

    He said he thinks he may be getting sick. Anyway – it was a very nice day. BUT….I still wish he would have texted me over the weekend. I wish he would have adknowledged the fact that yesterday was the day that we crossed over that line one year ago…..I wish that he would have been a bit more flirty with me. I wish…..I wish…… (cue the song from Into the Woods…..) I wish…..more than anything….. LOL.

    Anyway – just thought I’d give an update. We’ll see if he texts later to find out the story I wanted to tell him but couldnt in the office and if he wants to tell me his story that he couldnt in the office either….


  263.  #263Elsie on January 22, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    @Beloved – I get you. Today when my guy asked about my kiddo – that made me feel soooo good. But man, if he hadnt asked, or if he acted as if he didnt care, that would probably be a dealbreaker for me. I will only be with someone who adores my kiddo!!!!! I’m sorry that you are mad/sad/frustrated/upset. I’m sorry *hugs*


  264.  #264Annie on January 22, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Lori, I totally get why you would feel unsure and not want to add to another persons stress by talking about your own problems.
    I also totally get why he would think that it was ridiculous.
    How is your son now?

  265.  #265Lori on January 22, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    He’s going to be fine. Thank you for asking Annie. ๐Ÿ™‚

    It’s interesting how that voice in our heads speaks to us. After I got off the phone with K, I caught myself thinking, wow, we only talked for a few minutes. That’s all the time he made. Then, I realized what was going on and I changed it to, “wow, he’s buried with work and he stopped to call me to see how my son is and how I am”. He gifted me with his time.

  266.  #266Memulo on January 22, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    I was wrong. I called him back and we talked about it. He says he is crazy about me.

    I can’t believe I never called smartcd to discuss when I had concerns. It’s so easy. I feel like such a failure for constantly leaning back and being so quiet.

  267.  #267Goddess Lily on January 22, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    Hello beautiful sirens. I had to take a break from the blog to study *properly* and I am reading back now…..sooooooooo much to catch up on…….starting from Christmas! This could take a while.

  268.  #268sunshine on January 22, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    Just saw section six of Commitment Blueprint, Rori’s interview with Christian carter. I really enjoyed it and there are things he said that are said in his way but the same as Rori, such as confidence, being who you are and not apologizing for it, and stating what your looking for and also being firm but not dramatic are all things both Rori and Christian have in common. However, there is something that I feel confused about…
    Rori says that we are creatures that are inviting and lean back…yet Christian suggests by flirting, touching, asking him if theres something the woman can do to better the experience, that its an invitation with the woman initiating….i feel confused as to what the two are saying because its similar but not the same. I thought Rori has said to stop doing and let him lead?

  269.  #269MovingMagic on January 22, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    Leaning back, not initiating texts, & not responding to text, & e-mails is beginning to feel like second nature to me. So much so that I’m finding myself unintentionally forgetting to respond to them for hours, and hours. This feels so nice &different. I love feeling these shifts as they occur.

  270.  #270Goddess Lily on January 22, 2013 at 8:24 pm

    MM: I was starting to feel that way too……until I just got called out for not initiating contact.

  271.  #271Goddess Lily on January 22, 2013 at 8:29 pm

    I feel like I am starting over from day 1 here…..like I retained nothing from all the previous blog reading. I had to be 100% masculine energy and focused when studying. Ironically that made it really easy to lean back with men because I had no time. So much to learn again. I feel overwhelmed.

  272.  #272MovingMagic on January 22, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Goddess Lily, I initiate text when I have something to initiate about. Just not in a “doing cart-wheels, trying to get attention” kind of way. Haha. That’s my visual for initiating.

  273.  #273Goddess Lily on January 22, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    MM: hilarious visual! Lol.

  274.  #274MovingMagic on January 22, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    I’ve also realized how easy cd’ing the universe feels for me. Cute counter guys, baristas, dancers, musicians…I compliment an outfit, shoes, and earrings. It doesn’t matter if it’s male, female, cute dog, trees, plants or a kid. They’re all being flirted with. I love it!

  275.  #275MovingMagic on January 22, 2013 at 8:44 pm

    Ahh Goddess Lily, sometimes we just need to slow down & remind ourselves that we already know this stuff. It’s in you.

  276.  #276Starbright on January 22, 2013 at 8:52 pm


    So glad that you opened up to your cd. In general I do agree with leaning back. Leaning back though is different from being quiet. From reading posts from time to time it seems that some women shut down rather than leaning back. Those feel so incredibly different energetically. However, we are all learning and I say that just an observation.

    Remember how Rori talks about not beating oneself up? And, how you can’t say the wrong thing to the right guy?

    Can you take those thoughts in and let yourself off the hook? Some things aren’t meant to be. And, he may be back.

    Wouldn’t that be great if you were so busy with other cd’s and feeling so happy that you didn’t care that he had cone back? Or, that you were in such a good place and had had so much practice that being with him was then so easy?

    Sounds overall you are in a good place right now for practice. ๐Ÿ™‚

  277.  #277Emerson on January 22, 2013 at 9:19 pm

    Linda thanks for your tshirt idea Iove it!
    Love me some sassy Linda ๐Ÿ™‚

  278.  #278Emerson on January 22, 2013 at 9:21 pm

    I’m feeling turned off by blueCD …. He said he would call today and did not … I actually don’t care it just makes me feel blahhh

  279.  #279Indigo on January 22, 2013 at 9:30 pm

    Yay Lori, I’m so glad your son is going to be fine, and it feels so cool to read your posts and see your inspiring change of perspective ๐Ÿ™‚

  280.  #280Lori on January 22, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    awww, thanks Indigo. I have my down moments but I am determined to get where I want to be. I want to be happy with me and irrisistible to men. I know what I see in K and I want him but…I’m going to be open to all. I’m going to work on being more of a goddess. ๐Ÿ™‚

    K told me one time, “you are smart and beautiful, that’s a dangerous combination”. lol. He has no idea.

  281.  #281Indigo on January 22, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    My tumbley feelings are running a little bit amok the last couple of days… I mean nowhere near what they were in the past, but disturbing me as they haven’t done in a few weeks.

    D invited me round on Saturday night and then took me out for breakfast the next morning, and then he has invited me round tonight (Wednesday). He contacted me yesterday to chat even though it was his day off as he was wanting down time, and last night. Now, I am happy about these things, but I just couldn’t shake the things I was uncomfortable about. The feeling would move through me, and then come back, asking to be dealt with. In the past, I would have got into a long discussion with him about it, and this is just such a bad idea energy-wise (for me).

    I left it for several hours, and then before bed I messaged him, just simply, that I was looking forward to seeing him, but I felt weird, and that there were a couple of things I couldn’t understand and they felt hurtful tonight. And then I logged off, and went to sleep.

    I don’t know if this was the perfect way of handling it, but my feelings didn’t want to stay inside any longer, and I didn’t want to blame him, or get into a discussion about it.

  282.  #282Daria on January 22, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    I was able to get it, so pleased!

    Touching myself not to hurry n orgasm, and to let my kind run free… It felt so good!

    Excited !

  283.  #283Daria on January 23, 2013 at 1:25 am

    practice – not running a man or a WOMAn ~ down even in my head

  284.  #284Tereana on January 23, 2013 at 2:38 am

    Annie – maybe it doesnt help the man (or whoever) in the picture to see things from your point if view, but *I* totally get what you are feeling and talking about. (i.e. when someone doesn’t acknowledge your feelings, and/or tells you that they are not valid or worthy, either directly or indirectly). And it sucks. And it’s frustrating. And yes, I know all those feelings.

    Best solution (for me) is to find people who do listen, and make me feel validated and worthy.

    And expressing it here is definitely a good place to start! : )

  285.  #285Annie on January 23, 2013 at 3:18 am

    Ty Tereana.

    Yes it sucks big time.
    To tell another person their feeling are wrong.
    Even on a logical level this is nonsense It is not logically possible for another persons feelings to be wrong.
    They are what they are.
    And denying or pretending otherwise is denying and arguing with reality.
    And that is how we end up with fake imaginary relationships.

    Just because someone puts on a fake smile and pretends something doesn’t bother them because that is what they have been socially conditioned to do, it doesn’t mean they are in reality really feeling happy on the inside.
    Stiff upper lip, we’re British you know after all.
    Are the Brits the most fake people on the planet I ask myself?

  286.  #286Annie on January 23, 2013 at 3:36 am

    It feels scary though to show someone else that their behavior can effect how we feel.
    What if they want to see us hurt and enjoy seeing that?
    Get some twisted subconscious pleasure from that.
    To give another person that power over us.

    I’ve observed how this works with social groups.
    It feels awful to witness.
    Where one person does not like another person so finds out what bothers them and then taunts and even worse then gets others to join in.It makes them feel powerful and quite often leads to them being popular.
    The others join in in the hope that whoever is doing that then will not do it to them, self preservation.
    I really do not like the reality of how this social heir achy works. ๐Ÿ™

    I feel curious and questioning to weather being authentic about ones feelings is really in a persons best higher interest.

  287.  #287ruth on January 23, 2013 at 4:32 am

    British culture certainly used to encourage a “stiff upper lip”
    Not sure thats so much the case with the younger Brits now
    (im 47)

  288.  #288BeLoved on January 23, 2013 at 5:18 am

    I’m moving toward my deepest, most amazing and magical dreams,
    while others die.
    I feel deep grief and sadness
    My heart feels heavy.
    My relationship with my son will never be like I imagined. I know we love each other but we are like strangers to each other and it hurts my heart that I couldn’t do better by him.

    I wanted to be closer and more comfortable with him – he’s 25 and it just hasn’t happened.

    I’m going to move to the PNW this summer and follow my spiritual calling,
    my fantasies and dreams and desires of closeness and comraderie with my immediate family dying in the process.

    It feels scary and I feel somewhat anxious thinking of leaving what is familiar for what is unknown and yet ultimately more rewarding.

    I know in my heart my true love is there, calling me.
    I feel some relief noticing all of this.
    This morning my mind was all on C, and I saw it as a signal that something else was going on under the surface.
    I’m reading Rori’s updated book and some things are more meaningful than before…
    what am *I* feeling?
    what am *I* feeling?
    what am *I* feeling?
    what am *I* feeling?
    what am *I* feeling?
    what am *I* feeling?
    what am *I* feeling?

  289.  #289Iamabutterfly on January 23, 2013 at 5:36 am

    I feel so mad at myself because I missed the $1.99 upgrade special on Rori’s updated book!

  290.  #290Iamabutterfly on January 23, 2013 at 5:39 am

    In my masculine energy, trying to figure out my sexuality when it comes to him.

    I feel so confused about it!

    Leaning back…

  291.  #291Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 6:25 am

    practice โ€“ not running a man or a WOMAn ~ down even in my head

    thank you for the reminder Daria

  292.  #292Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 6:33 am

    Sirens – just one more day till I get to meet my new POF match “Hound” in person. He is being sooooo “perfect” for me – lol. I don’t know how else to describe it. I feel like i must have bumped my head or something – how could one man I have not even met in person yet suddenly be filling all of my needs? Some part of me knows I should be more cautious, but I just don’t want to – what is the worst thing that can happen if we don’t work out in person? we will be disappointed, but right now, we both feel wonderful and hopeful and on top of the world – I’ll take those feelings over how I felt this weekend any dang time! It feels like HOPE! And OMG – he is soooo dang handsome! I wish I could show you a pic of him . . . lol. Whew ~

    He told me this morning that he is taking Sunday off and wants me to be all his all day . . . I can’t wait! It will be hard for us to say goodnight tomorrow if our chemistry is half what I believe it will be. HhhhhhMmmmm . . . . For now he is sleeping and I am at work and I feel really energized – like our finding each other has helped me in my work and personal life as well – I’m feeling more creative, eating better – even my chest does not hurt as bad ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you, Universe! kisses . . .

  293.  #293Iamabutterfly on January 23, 2013 at 6:37 am

    Had a talk with two of my really good guy friends (with no shadiness, suspected attractions, any of that, just great guys who I appreciate who appreciate me!) and they listened to me talk about guy stuff, and offered some extremely helpful insight. (You’re over-thinking this one, sounds like you’re right on the $ with this one, etc.) Even though I feel a little embarassed opening up like that (it just happened) I feel so thankful for them!

  294.  #294Linda on January 23, 2013 at 6:50 am

    Sirens… mornin’ !

    Emerson – ooohh that felt good to read. Sassy feels better than the word I used. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Starla – I feel genuinely happy for you! Am enjoying reading what is happening in your life. Yeah!


    As for me… I had a GREAT evening with FavoriteCD last night !! Masculine energy from him washes over me… and I just melt into this feminine bundle of me. He has issues with a co-worker and was telling me (actually venting)..I used the opportunity to listen on level 2 acknowledging his words and feelings… He appears to be a take the bull by the horns … no nonsence kind of problem solver. He is however a very soft spoken , gentle upbeat man. I listened and mindfully responded to him in with feminine energy. I did NOT pop into my lifelong usual masculine do this, or fix this energy… Interesting result… when he stopped talking, he leaned back against the kitchen cabinet and extended his arms motioning me to come him and he wrapped his arms around me, held me close and just settled himself there. It felt a beautiful dance of girl boy energies !!

    I am extremely excited about two other things that happened.

    1 -Communication issues I have been working thru….

    I did not respond to a Good Morning text from him yesterday (I simply did not know he had sent it) then at lunch (4 hours later) another text “hello again”… I had my phone in my hand and responded a minute later. He sent another that said “you are supposed to respond to texts right away” lol ….. OH BOY MY OPPORTUNITY I HAD BEEN WAITING FOR WAS HERE!

  295.  #295Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 6:51 am

    “wants me to be all his all day”

    eemm…..Calypso too much of a good thing can become emm cloying. Men love the new car smell but unfortunately it can quickly become stale read ‘boring’. When it comes to dating more should be in the context of “leave him wanting for more”, especially in the early stages to build sexual tension.

  296.  #296Lori on January 23, 2013 at 6:52 am

    Good morning ladies!

    I had so much fun flirting with a potential CD last night. It really is fun! He wants to meet me too. Yay me!

  297.  #297Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 7:03 am

    FW – I have not agreed to anything – I’m just telling you what he said. Sexual tension is definately not an issue with us – lol and the manhas been trying to see me for a week, but i have held my ground by not agreeing to drive to his town and not giving up my girl’s night tonight. He even asked me to take tomorrow off and I told him I couldn’t do that. I am stricly holding our first date to dinner. What he wants to do on Sunday, I don’t know yet – he said he wants to “take me away”, lol – we can’t go too far – both have to work on Monday. I can tell he likes to be in charge, but he does not seem to get upset when I don’t just go along . . .

  298.  #298Linda on January 23, 2013 at 7:17 am

    294 continued…

    I text back.. ” you are right, I know I said something about that to you last week and it doesn’t feel good to me to not have texts unreplied to. Here is my work number, you can always call it.”

    So he was on the other side of a unanswered text, feeling ignored (saying that he was just kidding) so the shoe was on the other foot so to speak and I used the opportunity to say in feeling message an acknowledgement. So we will see how thing go from there and if he is mindful of timely reponses to me.

    #2 – He asked me what I was doing this week end. I told him just relaxing and had nothing definate planned… He said ” yeah, relaxing and spending time with me this week end… and I want you to come to church with me on Sunday. I want to introduce you to my mom” OH YEA….. I said I would like that very much.

    As we sat on the sofa… he said – ” When I married my daughters mom, I knew it was a mistake, when I saw her walking down the isle toward me, I just did not feel what I should have felt, It was too fast of a romance and I dismissed red flags but I that proved to be huge problems”. He pulled me close and kissed me on the top of the head. I said nothing, just let him hold me and nuzzled in more closely.

    I feel more at home, myself, and happy than I have in a LOOOONG time. What a wonderful thing!

  299.  #299Linda on January 23, 2013 at 7:20 am

    292 – YEAH! Calypso _ it feels soo good to read for you

  300.  #300Annie on January 23, 2013 at 7:22 am

    Calypso, would you really want to go away with someone who you do not know yet?
    Chatting to someone on a computer, phone, skype etc is not really getting to know them, who they really are and how they will consistently treat you in real life situation it’s fantasy.

    I hope you have fun on your date.
    Dating is about getting to know each other is real life and that takes time.
    And especially takes time for the real person and behavior to show.
    There a lot of men out there out for casual sex if they can get it.

  301.  #301Annie on January 23, 2013 at 7:29 am

    “Some part of me knows I should be more cautious.”

    That part of you is your soul your inner guidance.

    That is the part I would be listening to. Hugs.

  302.  #302Linda on January 23, 2013 at 7:30 am

    295 – Wise words FW… Calypso, When I first met FavoriteCD… we had such a great time… it flew and I wanted to just stay and stay…it felt so good… but

    I decided to pull myself away…and go home. He said he did not want me to go… I told him I had such a wonderful time and that looked forward to the opportunity to do it again… (he called me before I even got home) ! I remember reading in Rori’s material that you should leave before you feel ready to part company… (sorta feels like leave them wanting more) to me… What do you think about that possibility?

  303.  #303Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Linda- Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

    Annie – We are not talking about an overnight thing – he just wants to spend the day with me and when he says he wants me to be all his for the day, he means not his kids, my kids, his work, my work, his mom, my mom, his animals, my animals etc . . . None of the things that have been keeping us from spending time together since we first started talking – Just the two of us in person all day doing whatever we want wherever he wants to take me is fine. Yes, I feel comfortible. If he does not treat me the way I want to be treated, I will either help him understand that or move on. I’m just happy to be happy right now and a little casual sex might be just what the doctor ordered for me too . . . I’m open to the possibilities and trusting myself.

  304.  #304Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 7:38 am

    Linda – I’m not sure what you are asking? I already stated that our first date will just be dinner. I’m saying it will be hard for us to say goodnight, but we will say goodnight. he is coming to my town at my insistance – we would sure not drive an hour back to his town no matter how nice it would feel and i would never take him to my home – that is why we are meeting in a public place downtown where I live – to meet, make sure what we feel on the phone is the same in person and then, yes – i will happily spend the whole day with him on Sunday if it still feels right. We will both leave wanting more on Thursday, but we will leave – I have already made that clear to him – first dates are for clothes staying on . . . I don’t know that we would even have sex on Sunday, although I would not count it out – if i feel like being intimate with him by then, I will.

  305.  #305Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 8:35 am

    I feel I am on the brink of manifesting something incredible. (well…three things, but one in particular). I am in a space of waiting to others to make decisions and for decisions to be communicated. While I wait, the act of believing gets harder and harder.

    I’m asking anyone interested to please send positive thoughts and amazing vibes and loving prayers my way. I’ll return the favor to each of you in my own meditations.

    I need anxiety relief as well as peace in my heart, head and tummy while I wait for the answers. I need to stay strong and continue to believe everything that happens is GOOD because nothing bad can happen to me. It is absolutely impossible for anything bad to happen to me. Everything happens for a reason…

    Much Love,

  306.  #306ruth on January 23, 2013 at 8:43 am

    hello again

    woooooooooooooh Linda, that sounds fantastic!

    Calypso, so you have two dates lined up with Hound

    Have fun

    Mercedes, I will imagine that I am wrapping up your anxieties in a soft blue green silky cloth
    They wil still be there, and can be acknowledged, but will be muffled and not get in the way

  307.  #307ruth on January 23, 2013 at 8:44 am

    So far I have had a nice day
    More sick patients, some distressed but they all seemed to feel better just for speaking to me, even if I cant help them with everything

    And for once I dont feel drained by that
    the energy is flowing out of me towards them, and I have lots of it today

  308.  #308Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Thank you Ruth!

    Much Love,

  309.  #309Annie on January 23, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Mercedes, I believe what Pema choden says that anxiety is a gift.
    It is natures way of trying to get us to stop and listen to what we are doing that is harming us.

  310.  #310Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Sending you good vibes and prayers Mercedes.

    I felt kinda weird reading about “bad”. It reminds me about the tapping with Louise Hay where I tapped along with her and said “Even though I feel terrorized by life I have an angel. I have always had an angel. It is safe for me to play”.

  311.  #312Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 9:04 am

    Annie: This isn’t anxiety about anything harmful at all. It’s anxiety about a dream that might be coming true and, as an Aries, I’m struggling with the waiting part. I just feel an urgent need to know so I can move in the appropriate direction. Right now, I am being forced to live in the moment and relax about the future and quite frankly, I’m not happy about it! LOL! I know this is good for me and a good lesson but…it’s not easy. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you FW. I appreciate you. “Bad” is one of those words huh? Brings out something in almost everyone…

    Much Love,

  312.  #313Starla on January 23, 2013 at 9:06 am

    ooooooh the photgrapher theyre sending for the photo shoot is very famous and very very good.

    this is going to be so much fun! i can’t wait! i am nervous, but i’m just excited for the fun and glamorous experience!

  313.  #314Starla on January 23, 2013 at 9:09 am


    Ganesha (the Breaker of Obstacles) mantra, for breaking obstacles. Plus, the elephant is just groovy and cute!


  314.  #315Tereana on January 23, 2013 at 9:14 am

    Hey, Ladies –

    Ow. Now I have a new problem. I woke up yesterday with a UTI. ๐Ÿ™ Yes, I slept with him. I put him off for as long as I could, and then finally, on Friday night, it seemed like a good time. And we nearly didn’t. But then, all of a sudden, he just got into it, and so we did. It didn’t seem “wrong” at the time, since he was calling himself my “boyfriend” and saying he only wanted to be with me. And maybe this was foolish, but part of me was thinking that if he was sexually satisfied, then maybe he would be less “testy.” haha. But it wasn’t only for him. I did it for me, too. Even if it was a bad idea. But anyway…

    The point is, I now have this infection. I don’t get them often, but occasionally they happen. I see it in some ways as a signal that my body doesn’t like a certain person. Lol. Or it could just have to do with a person’s *ahem* anatomy. Either way, it hurts, and I’m taking cranberry and drinking lots of fluids. I am hoping that I don’t have to go to a doctor, because I don’t have health insurance : (

    Meanwhile, I am still trying to work, and I don’t know if I can keep my business up amidst all of this.

    I’ve never done this before, but I just linked my name in this post to my website. So if you are interested, you can see what I do. I provide a valuable service to women in the Bay Area – especially pregnant and new moms – and I consistently get rave reviews from my clients who tell me that I have a special talent with massage. But my main talent (in my view) is doing what comes naturally to me. Yet I am not sure if I can keep this up, financially, even though my business has grown by 500% each year since I started. (I’m only in the 3rd year!)

    So…I am considering doing an online campaign to raise funds from friends, family and community to keep my business (and myself) going. But if anyone here would like to help out, just let me know! Email me at sirentiffany [at] gmail-dot-com, and I will let you know a private email that you can use to send funds via paypal. Any amount would be so appreciated. Even a small amount!

    As I said, many of my friends and family have been stepping up to help. My aunt has been amazing – I didn’t even know she was a social worker! But I can still use all the help I can get. My mom has nothing for me. All she did is tell me she loves me, and sent me a $10 Starbucks card. Sheesh. I told her thanks, but I probably wasn’t going to use it (I have to print it out myself, and my printer is in storage). Blech.

    Anyway, I love you guys (ladies ; ) You are the best. Always great to have this community to come back to!!


  315.  #316Annie on January 23, 2013 at 9:18 am

    The waiting the not knowing, oh Ok Mercedes I get that.
    I don’t know what else to say apart from that it is normal to feel anxiety about what we do not have any control over.
    And to do something that brings you back to the moment and what you do have control over, which is doing something that makes you feel better for now like your meditation, sinking into yourself and connecting with your inner guidance. Until you feel calmer and more peacful.

  316.  #317Starla on January 23, 2013 at 9:21 am

    QZ has always been so supportive of the big things i want to do. he never cuts me down in those subtle ways a man can do that to his woman when i want to go big. he might be threatened, but he never takes it out on me or punishes me for it. mostly he just allows himself to be proud of me and doesn’t let his ego run things.

    i feel happy:)

  317.  #318Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 9:23 am

    Thank you Starla and Annie. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Much Love,

  318.  #319Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 9:26 am

    From Rori’s emai

    “Many men perceive check-ins, invitations, and questions about the relationship as a kind of pressure; or a woman taking on the role of pursuer. Some men may back off their dating efforts when they sense you are assuming a role they view as traditionally male.

    Your desire to touch base and get greater clarity into the relationship feels normal to you, and it may usually occur as a good-hearted attempt to stay in touch with a man who has piqued your interest.

    But it’s important to understand how he might see this activity. In an online dating environment, it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to initiate contact.

    But after you’ve had a chance to meet, some men see repeated messages from you as a sign of insecurity – a sign of fear that you’ll lose him. He can feel smothered in a way that dampens his desire to get closer to you.”

  319.  #320Starla on January 23, 2013 at 9:29 am

    “But after youโ€™ve had a chance to meet, some men see repeated messages from you as a sign of insecurity โ€“ a sign of fear that youโ€™ll lose him. He can feel smothered in a way that dampens his desire to get closer to you.”

    It’s so true

    even if a man says it’s not. and most men *will* deny this. it’s kinda funny how they don’t even know what they really want deep down.

  320.  #321Turquoise on January 23, 2013 at 9:44 am

    Hi Sirens,

    It’s still freezing cold here. I’m so glad to work inside! Mercedes, I’m sending warm wishes and positive vibes your way. I can’t wait to hear all about it! ๐Ÿ™‚

    My sister joined a church group learning about human trafficing. She told me a lot that I didn’t know. I feel drawn to help, and am going to a lecture Saturday morning. We live in such a scary world. ๐Ÿ™

  321.  #322Iamabutterfly on January 23, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Sending loving, positive, hopeful vibes your way, Mercedes! ๐Ÿ™‚

  322.  #323Iamabutterfly on January 23, 2013 at 10:19 am

    not feeling very good today, and was feeling curious as to why. Definitely didn’t get enough sleep last night! Sleep feels great and restoring.

  323.  #324Annie on January 23, 2013 at 10:21 am

    “It is absolutely impossible for anything bad to happen to me. ” It’s impossible for anything bad to happen to me.”

    I feel compelled to say I do not share believe this belief.
    My belief is
    Bad things can and do happen to people all of the while and there for the grace of God go I. All I am able to do is do my best to minimize some bad things happening, by doing my best to not put myself in harmful situations or doing harmful things to myself or doing things that minimize those risks.
    Some examples, wearing a seatbelt.
    Not eating loads of toxic crap etc.
    Not going to certain areas of the world that are involved in wars.
    Not becoming involved with certain people.
    Some people are victims of circumstances, they get mugged, raped, beaten up attacked, car crashes and are are involved in natural disasters, earthquakes, hurricanes, etc etc in the wrong place at the wrong time and suffer trauma but then hopefully with the right help and support they pick themselves up and become survivors of circumstances.

    Reality to me is sometimes bad stuff happens and that is part of life and I have no control over some of that.
    All I have control over is how am I able to minimize the risks of the bad stuff and how can I get as much help and support when the bad stuff does happen to pick myself up and recover from it and in some cases learn from it, If I have put myself at foreseeable risk.

  324.  #325Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 10:27 am

    Ruth – YES! He has asked for 2 dates and has also asked me if I would watch the Superbowl with him – he has to work and did not care, but now that he knows I;m from California and rooting for the 49’ers, he wants to take a vacation day and watch the game with me – I find that so sweet and fun!

    One thing I did just learn, he lived in the same small town that GM has lived inhis whole life for 17 years and his son still lives there and goes to school there – it is quite possible that they know each other – yikes – worlds collide . . . lol

    I am NOT going to ask any leading questions about it at all – I don’t even want to know if they know each other and I don’t want to start this possible relationship off with a negative vibe by letting it be about GM in any way. If he asks me questions about who I have dated, it will likely come up, but he seems more likely to just focus on the now and the future, from what I’ve experienced during our phone conversations, which is just fine with me.

  325.  #326Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 10:31 am

    Hound always makes the first contact – i have never one time texted him first and can’t see myself doing that for a while. he always initiates contact and he is usually the last one to say anything, because i drop off – sometimes he will wait a while and then ask, “Did i scare you off?” LOL – I love that. he is leaning forward and although I’m loving it, I am relaxed and just letting him do the work.

    ha! I just got another text from him – lol. Another thing I am purposefully doing is not jumping on his messages and replying immediately. I’m happy he is texting me and i will read it and respond in a minute, but I’m not going to stop in the middle of what I am doing to focus all of my energy on him. Balance feels good.

  326.  #327Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 10:32 am

    Thank you so much ladies! I appreciate you all very, very much!!

    Annie, I can respect that. For me, where I’m at in manifesting the life I want, I choose to believe that nothing bad can happen to me, only things that might feel bad in order to teach me another lesson.

    Much Love,

  327.  #328Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 10:43 am

    From Gay:

    Response-ability In Real Life: What Does It Look Like?

    Imagine you are in an argument with someone. It could be at home or at work or anywhere. Imagine also that it’s one of those conflicts that’s occurred over and over. Most arguments require blame and criticism to keep them going. In other words, both sides think they are right and the other wrong; the attempt to convince the other person that you’re right keeps the argument going. Suddenly, in the middle of one of those arguments, a life-changing insight dawns on you: It’s irrelevant who’s right and who’s wrong! Trying to convince the other person that you’re right actually IS the problem (because your adversary is going to keep trying to convince you that you’re wrong!) The only thing that matters is to solve the problem and establish a flow of harmony again.

    So, you do something absolutely radical: you claim responsibility for whatever the issue is. In this moment, you become response-able. You are now able to respond from a new place. Before you claimed responsibility, you were not response-able, because you were trapped within the old paradigm of “I’m right and you’re wrong.” Now, when you claim responsibility for the issue, you pop out of the right/wrong trance and become free to create something brand-new. Let’s say the argument was about money. Imagine what happens the moment one person says: I take responsibility for the condition of our money supply. Imagine what can happen when both people say that! I’ve seen this moment hundreds of times in working with couples and business partners, and I can testify that it’s magicโ€ฆreal, practical magic. I can also testify that my life has the magic it does because that insight dawned on me a little over 33 years ago. I remember exactly when it happened because of what occurred a month later. One month after I finally got around to claiming responsibility for the way my relationships occurred–one month after I kicked the addiction to Blame and Victimhood and simply told the universe what I wanted–I walked into a room of about 50 people and saw a woman who had such a radiant glow I could see it across the room. I had the thought, “I’ve got to find a way to talk to her.” Not long after I had that thought, she detached herself from the group of people she was talking to and came over to say “hi, my name’s Kathlyn.” That’s manifesting, my friends–just the way I like it best!

    Guess what? That moment occurred 33 years ago this month–it’s our anniversary of first meeting each other. Having just written that sentence, I got out my calculator and figured out I’ve got a streak going, more than 12,000 days now of waking up feeling like the luckiest guy on earth.

    With love,

    Katie & Gay Hendricks

  328.  #329Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 10:47 am

    FW: That’s awesome! Thank you for sharing the article!

    Much Love,

  329.  #330Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 10:51 am

    I feel the desire to be greateful for the qualities I have discovered about Hound so far that make me feel blessed to have him in my life:

    1. He is an animal lover and lets his cats sleep on his bed ๐Ÿ™‚
    2. He loves to be outside doing active things.
    3. He has a loving relationship with his Mother and his children and places a huge value on family.
    4. He understands and supports my need to visit with my mother in her nursing home every evening after work before I do anything else.
    5. He understands and supports the concept of a weekly “Girl’s Night”.
    6. He does not appear to have a tendancy to pout . . . when he does not get his way.
    7. He is a take-charge kind of guy, but does not make me feel like I am being bossed.
    8. He asks me how I am feeling and responds to me as if he was actually listening and really cared.
    9. He loves to travel and seems excited by the idea of us traveling places together.
    10. He is very perceptive – even to my slightest voice inflections.
    11. He is drop-dead gorgeous – dark hair, great muscle tone, blue eyes, sexy smile – whew! hot!
    12. He is funny and makes me laugh so hard on the phone I keep thinking I’m going to pee my pants.
    13. He works out several days a week and obviously takes good care of himself – and he is 3 years younger than me ๐Ÿ™‚
    14. He has a good job where he has been for 20 years.
    15. He does not talk bad about his ex-wife and does not appear to be hung up on past issues with her or anyone else.
    16. He makes me feel safe – i have slept better every night since we started talking – i feel watched over even though he isn’t there with me.
    17. He acts like he is crazy about me and I feel wonderful ๐Ÿ™‚

    Wow – I enjoyued that and could go on and on and on . . . it feels good to allow myself to feel good . . .

  330.  #331Starla on January 23, 2013 at 10:52 am

    i feel so bored at work. there’s absolutely nothing to do.

  331.  #332Annie on January 23, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Oh I like that FW.


  332.  #334Annie on January 23, 2013 at 10:56 am

    Ty for sharing Mercedes.

  333.  #335Memulo on January 23, 2013 at 11:15 am


    Thank you so much. I just read your comment to me. I feel so supported and I immediately became easier on myself. You are right about that.

  334.  #336ruth on January 23, 2013 at 11:22 am


  335.  #337Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 11:27 am

    Speaking of Wow – Hound just informed me that he wants to take me off the market – he said he believes there will be no more fishing for either of us after we meet! I like a confident man ๐Ÿ™‚ We will see . . . I have enough experience and confidence to know that sweeping me off my feet is not going to be easy, but I’m sure willing to let him try!

  336.  #338ruth on January 23, 2013 at 11:32 am

    I feel like your mum or something calypso, but just be careful with your boundaries, yeah

    Have a good time

  337.  #339Starla on January 23, 2013 at 11:39 am

    calypso, when’s the meeting? ๐Ÿ™‚

  338.  #340Tam on January 23, 2013 at 11:40 am

    Calypso, same here. Sounds great but also like a lot of expectations / assumptions from both people when you haven’t even met…
    Happy that you feel good and hoping you’ll have a nice date though.

  339.  #341MovingMagic on January 23, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Mercedes, I’m also manifesting some
    amazing things in my life. Patience is not my virtue, but I strive to acknowledge the space between the leaves. Not always easy. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  340.  #342Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 11:49 am

    MM: 341…Not easy? oh so true! I’m very, very happy for your manifestations too! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Much Love,

  341.  #343Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Starla – he is off today and tomorrow and wanted to go out tonight, but I told him it is Girl’s night, so he is driving over tomorrow and we are meeting downtown for dinner and to walk around the town together and probably find a place to listen to live music and just talk some more.

  342.  #344Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Another thing I like is that he does live an hour away and he works 2nd shift, so we will not be trying to spend every waking momet together no matter what – we will maintain our own lives, which is very important to me. I need my space, but I want a man in my life who i have great chemistry with. That is what i am looking for right now. I still have healing to do – I’m not looking for a forever committment right now – I want to have some fun with a man I really like who enjoys my company as much as I do his. My poor heart is so ready for that and does not need the promise of anything more right now. If more comes of it, then that’s just an unexpected blessing down the road when I am ready for it.

  343.  #345Starla on January 23, 2013 at 11:56 am

    cool calypso have fun ๐Ÿ™‚

  344.  #346Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Calypso: You seem very caught up in this man considering you’ve never met him (just how it feels to me when I read your words…not necessarily reality). Do you feel good about this much intensity so early on? Do you feel okay if the in-person chemistry or reality is not the same as the phone/email one?

    Happy for you and yet just a touch worried about you…

    All of this said with love…

    Much Love,

  345.  #347Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 11:59 am

    Ok – so let’s see – what are my boundaries?

    1. He can’t come to my house tomorrow night.
    2. I will not make any promises to him.
    3. I will not do anything that could get me arrested
    4. I will not do anything that could result in naked pictures of me appearing on the Internet
    5. I will not do anything that could get me killed.

    That is all . . . giggling

  346.  #348Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    346 mercedes
    i had the very same reaction reading calypso’s posts, but then i remembered that i’m honestly exactly the same way when i’m about to meet a new online guy that i’m excited about.

    then we meet, and reality has no choice but to set in. sometimes, they turn out to be really great. other times, it’s just a completely different feeling face-to-face and there’s never more than 2 or 3 dates.

  347.  #349Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    Calyspo all I can see is I hope he does show up at the meeting spot and that his pictures are representive of the true person.

  348.  #350Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    That makes sense Starla. I guess it was different for me because I never talked to a guy online long enough to feel really anything at all before I met him in person. I went from one or two contacts to a meeting so those feelings for someone I hadn’t met never showed up for me. I could never have made a list like in 330 before I had met someone…but…like I said, I would have only talked to the man a couple of times before meeting so it makes sense that a list like that wouldn’t have developed for me yet.

    Much Love,

  349.  #351Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Starla – i have the same experience – some are great and some are not.

    Someone (Not sure if it was Rori) teaches that for every first date we should “expect” it be be wonderful and really “feel” the promise of a new relationship coming to us that will be everything we want it to be.

    Why would i squash those feelings when i believe so strongly in the power of attraction? like I said, the worst thing that will happen if we don’t click in personis we will both be disappointed and move on. I have done that before quite a few times – remember the Chicken Farmer??? LMAO.

    But in the meantime – I am glowing and I am not even giving a moment of attention to GM and the fact that he would rather be alone than with me – i am happy with my expectations, because expecting something to be wonderful is . . . wonderful!

  350.  #352Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 12:15 pm

    Mercedes I did and he made so much future plans and told me he sent my picture to his kids and had invited me to something months later without asking me. His looks were nothing like his pics and though he was not smacking his mouth when he ate he was snorting constantly like something was stuck in his nose. Think Jaleel White (Erkel) :). It was a wake up call for me.

  351.  #353Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    Calypso: “Someone (Not sure if it was Rori) teaches that for every first date we should โ€œexpectโ€ it be be wonderful and really โ€œfeelโ€ the promise of a new relationship coming to us that will be everything we want it to be.”

    I agree with this completely! I was just concerned because I sense an attachment, not to the date or the new relationship but to THIS man. I don’t even know if I was sensing that correctly. I was just a bit worried but mostly happy for you. I’m sorry if I gave the impression I wanted you to squash anything. I didn’t mean that at all. I was all asked out of love and concern and not as an attempt to change or diminish your excitement…

    Much Love,

  352.  #354Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:16 pm

    sooo glad you’ve got the focus off gm

    i wish the date would hurry up and happen already so i can hear about how it goes ๐Ÿ˜€

  353.  #355Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    And if we meet and he is not at all what I thought, I will laugh at myself like I always do (Again – thinking of the Chicken Farmer) and at least this time I won’t have driven an hour and a half to meet the man . . . which is why I insited he come to my town when he asked me to drive to his. And my girlfriends will enjoy the story of what a silly girl I can be and I will try again. One thing I know for sure, the fact that I started to put on GM’s sweatshirt out of habit last night and then stopped because I really did not feel like I needed that connection any more cannot be a bad thing! Even if the Hound sniffing around me right now gets kicked tot he curb – my sense of self worth has improved considerably from where it was and i will use this feeling to keep healing myself.

  354.  #356Tam on January 23, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    FW lol
    I guess we all made that kind of experience. I have fun remembering them now and reminds me to be realistic before a first date…I’d rather be pleasantly surprised than disappointed ๐Ÿ™‚

  355.  #357Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    FW: OMGosh! LOL! I’ll probably never get that picture out of my head now! And I can picture the look on your face too… ๐Ÿ™‚ (even though I don’t know what your face really looks like, I choose to picture the look on your face).

    I had my share of internet dating fiasco situations too but I didn’t really like anyone before that. I didn’t “know” them well enough to like them before I met them. I guess that’s where the concern is coming from although it is probably completely unnecessary.

    Much Love,

  356.  #358Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:20 pm

    i feel so bored

    i am considering piercing my face


    i like the way QZ told me if anyone judges his girlfriend based on her having a pierced lip, that it’s all for the better, because he’ll know then that he should have been distancing himself from that judgmental person! ๐Ÿ˜›

    he warned me that his dad might make “a comment.” i suggested that maybe, his dad will say “i usually hate piercings but QZ’s girlfriend actually makes it look kind of pretty…” Anything’s possible!

  357.  #359Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    oh god, FW
    the food smacking
    NOOOOOOO. deal breaker. literally a deal breaker for me.

  358.  #360Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    i could go do it on my lunch break right now

    haha my boss would freak.

    i’d not get fired or anything, but lol they would freak out here

  359.  #361Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    Starla: In case of swelling…will you wait until after the photo shoot please? That would make me feel much better…



    Much Love,

  360.  #362Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:31 pm

    omg i FORGOT about the photoshoot

    haha yes, thank you for reminding me. jeez starla

  361.  #363Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    well i guess i’ll just keep sitting here bored as heck. and maybe pee for the 100th time today. my bladder’s bored too

  362.  #364Femininewoman on January 23, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    Mercedes I was by then the “cool girl” I was not expecting anything in particular. I was just cdating and flirting for the heck of it and having fun.

  363.  #365Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    I do appreciate everyone’s concern. I’m just focusing on the good and on the possibilities, but my heart is not invested in this man at all – it is just joyfully anticipating the possibility of something magical happening.

    One of the reasons I chose to call him Hound is to remind myself that right now, that is all he really is to me . . . he will get a new name if he earns it ๐Ÿ™‚

  364.  #366Jilly on January 23, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    Tereana…I would totally book a massage session with you if I was in your area!!! That would feel amazing right now.

    Well…right now, it looks we will be going to Hawaii to get married!!! Yay!! I can’t wait to leave this freezing cold icky weather. I was meant to live in a tropical, warm, breezy paradise. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  365.  #367ruth on January 23, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    I am looking forward to hearing how it went calypso

  366.  #368Jilly on January 23, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    FW…did your hand end up healing really well?

  367.  #369Starla on January 23, 2013 at 12:56 pm

    yay jilly, a warm wedding!

    mine will be in the summer for sure. i was also meant for warmer temps.

  368.  #370Jilly on January 23, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    Yep Starla!! Good advice! ๐Ÿ™‚

  369.  #371Turquoise on January 23, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    I’m bored too Starla! My boss has been out sick all week, the phones are barely ringing… Sweetheart is sick, so not texting me much. I’m looking online at decorating ideas and recipes.

  370.  #372Starla on January 23, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    my mom has changed her name so many times. it really creeps me out. it must suck to be such a liar and a thief that you can’t keep your name the same for more than a few years at a time.

    i feel angry.

  371.  #373Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 1:43 pm

    I’m excited that tonight is Girl’s night and tomorrow is date night!!! Life is good. I am worthy of happiness and i am going to feel it and appreciate it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  372.  #374Starla on January 23, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    ooh my new eyeglasses are ready to pick up from the store! too bad i’m stuck here for another couple of hours.

    they’re versace frames. i really splurged on myself for something i would be perfectly happy with.. no compromises. it’s the first time i paid full price for something designer, just cuz i wanted it.

  373.  #375Starla on January 23, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    and i felt guilty doing it.. because i recently had ‘money problems’ and had to be very careful. but i realized how good it feels to just buy the thing you like, the thing that meets your needs and preferences and is of higher quality. I’ve always been a bargain shopper, and I think I’d like to transition to buying expensive clothes that last a long time, instead of having a closet full of cheap trendy clothes but feeling like there is just nothing to wear.

  374.  #376Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Starla – I think you are on the right track – keep telling yourself that you are worthy of the nicer things and that you have the means to purchase them and money is flowing to you to have every nice thing you ever wanted . . . as long as you are not sacrificing paying your bills to splurge all the time – this works – don’t treat yourself like you are lacking or like you are afraid you won’t have enough. feel the joy of having an abundance of nice things flowing to you. ๐Ÿ™‚

  375.  #377Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    I really appreciate Rori’s approach and her idea of feminine energy as it relates to men. But what if it works too well? What if the man becomes sexually obsessed with you? What if you start to feel like your highest priority to him is being a sexual object?

    My last relationship which just ended was like that. I was getting really tired of him being so pushy sexually. And though I found him to be sexually attractive his constant sexual attention was driving away my sexual interest. He also was being very demanding of my time and attention. I know this seems like the perfect scenario but in my case it wasn’t. I desperately wanted time to myself mostly to do my art. I’ve found my creative voice again (after searching for it for years) and had been so wanting to spend more time doing it. He was resentful about the time and attention it was taking up, and when I didn’t give as much of it to him anymore, he broke up with me and started dating someone else!

    How come this happened? Is this my destiny in relationships with men? Can Rori’s methods work too well? I think I’m missing something here…sigh.

    Btw, I’m so burned out right now because of the whole situation that I’m just not interested in dating. I don’t even want to look at a man, and in fact the thought of a man being sexually attracted to me makes me want to barf! That’s a sexy image!! Hahahahaha!!!

  376.  #378Starla on January 23, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    thanks calypso!

    my bills are alwaysalwaysalways paid

    i just could have gotten the $100 frames, instead of the 300+ ones, and put a couple hundred away in savings. Instead, I’m getting the versace glasses. hehe

  377.  #379Calypso on January 23, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    I watched a video last week about how to open up my closed Chakras and that was one of the things I learned – acknowledge the doubt voices by saying to yourself, “I will stop _____” whatever it is you are doing that is negative, like: “I will stop acting like I am poor, I will stop acting like I am broke, I will stop treating myself like I am not worthy”, etc. and then – tell yourself what you need to hear – “I am worthy, I have an abundance flowing to me, I am going to have everything i want and need”.

    There was an exercise that involved tapping above your left ear in a circle as you acknowledge the negative thoughts and then tapping above your right ear in a circle as you tell yourself the TRUTH.Ii like it ๐Ÿ™‚

  378.  #380Smile on January 23, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    I want to go to Italy, Sweden and Africa please universe ๐Ÿ™‚

  379.  #381Starla on January 23, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    Liquid Light, you’re right — i think a lot of us are looking for men who will pay MORE attention to us. But we have to be careful, because too much attention can be a red flag. I’m glad he had the decency to break up with you. Sounds to me like he felt he had to keep you caged. Some women do like that. Others of us are artists, creators, dreamers, flyers……

    I hope you find a man like mine that offers a balance of total freedom and also a sense of total protection and safety.

  380.  #382Tam on January 23, 2013 at 2:35 pm

    I am feeling grumpy.
    I have been pretty much confined to bed since yesterday because of what turned out to be severe period pains, back and stomach and my whole body was sick, didn’t sleep….and finally this morning I realised why..almost thought I had a kidney infection or something else. I never had it so bad ever before.
    Ok so my body is rebelling.
    And my mind is rebelling too.
    My social life is suddenly non-existent. My friends are party poopers, just staying home. My CD’s have disappeared. Curly is still kind of around but I don’t feel all that inspired to either cut him off or keep him around.
    I can’t go to my meetup groups because I don’t have a car.
    It’s starting to get to me. The only way to socialise would be to internet date and go on dates and I feel jaded with that.
    And now?

  381.  #383Starla on January 23, 2013 at 2:39 pm


  382.  #384Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Thank you, Starla, I really appreciate what you wrote. Yes, I did feel caged, and that’s so funny you would use that word. I named one of my sculptures I just completed “Caged Obsession” because that’s how I felt. It’s pretty disappointing because this man had everything – looks, charm, money, sense of humor…everything! But underneath that perfect exterior lies a very insecure man. I took me a while to see that.

    I wonder if he really was in fact a toxic man?

  383.  #385Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    Liquid Light: I think that sounds like an issue this particular man had and not really an issue with Rori’s tools. I doubt very much the tools made him that way (the tools are designed to work on YOU and then a man is inspired to change…in good ways). I think this man would have been demanding of your time and controlling even without Rori’s tools. I’m guessing he’s that way with the woman he is seeing now (or will be very soon).

    I wouldn’t give up on the tools thinking they might work too well and I wouldn’t dwell too much on this being what you are destined to find. I think your perfect relationship will come in time and practicing with Rori’s tools can only serve to help you so you are ready for it when it comes.

    Much Love,

  384.  #386Tam on January 23, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Thanks for the hug Starls

  385.  #387Lori on January 23, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Dominique, I want to thank you for your help. I listened in on your show last night and found it to be very helpful. I purchased your program and listened to the first video last night. I decided to take care of myself while listening and gave myself a facial, exfoliation and all. It was so nice.

    This morning I went on a long hike that included rock climbing. This is one thing that I absolutely do for myself and is part of taking care of me. I love it! I feel empowered and like I’m She-Ra when I’m done. lol.

    I also really enjoyed our session today. I am feeling more in control of myself, my future and like I know what I want to do, where I want to go and what I need to do to get there.

    Thank you again. ๐Ÿ™‚

  386.  #388Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 2:51 pm

    Yes, Mercedes, he was demanding and controlling. But he was also a hell of a lot of fun and treated me like a queen. We traveled to Hawaii, Montana, and Napa together and he wined and dined me the whole time. It was quite seductive and I think it all blinded me and couldn’t (or didn’t want to) see the red flags. I thought he was my night in shining armor! Big sigh.

  387.  #389Starla on January 23, 2013 at 2:53 pm

    the tools do work pretty well. every man i go out with wants another date, even if we met online.

  388.  #390Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 2:55 pm

    It just makes me wonder if all men are like that (except for the feminine ones which I don’t want). Are they all deeply insecure and need to have their ego’s stroked etc. etc.? Especially if they really like you, it seems like it gets worse. The man I was seeing before Caged was a bit like that too. Not as bad but had some of the same insecurities.

  389.  #391Starla on January 23, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    yay lori
    yay dominique

    dominique is awesome:)

  390.  #392Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Liquid Light: 388 Ah yes…the shining armor…it DOES tend to blind, huh? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Well I for one am certain you will have everything you desire in a man (all those things you liked about him and the trips and the wine and dine and the really shiny armor and everything and more). I am certain of that. You won’t have to say “He’s all this and that and a bag of chips BUT…”. There will be no “but…”

    Much Love,

  391.  #393Lori on January 23, 2013 at 2:57 pm

    Thanks Starla. I’m totally getting the “vibe and energy” thing now. lol. I’m focused and determined. Sometimes we know what we need to do but it’s taking that step and being open to change. I very much know what, where and how I want to get there. ๐Ÿ™‚

  392.  #394Starla on January 23, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    liquid light, all men are a *little* like that, even the fem energy ones (actually, they’re worse — they will feel the same possessive and insecure feelings, but won’t deal with them in a manly controlling way… they’ll just drive you crazy…)

    it sounds to me like you were caught up in a whirlwind of seduction and romance, and maybe didn’t take that time for yourself in the beginning, nor did you state a boundary around it or follow through with said boundary. Perhaps by being more firm and clear with both your man AND yourself about what kind of space and creative time you need, up front, you won’t have to sing this same song ever again:)

  393.  #395Mercedes on January 23, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Liquid Light: No…they aren’t all like that. Many, many men are quite confident and manly and amazing! I’m going home to one right now. ๐Ÿ™‚

    They’re out there. I’m CERTAIN of that! And the more you focus on being the most amazing *you* that you can possibly be, the quicker he’ll find himself at your door…

    Much Love,

  394.  #396Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    Yes, Starla, I think you are right. What you are saying really hits home. Big big sigh and tears in my eyes and heart.

  395.  #397Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Yes, Mercedes, in time I hope that you are right. But right now, I would be really resentful of any man who wants to take up my time especially if he doesn’t absolutely love and support what I’m doing artistically. Also, I’m so turned off by sexual energy right now, I can’t stand the thought of being the target of that. For now, its about my art and creating a community with other creative types…..of women! ๐Ÿ™‚

  396.  #398Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    I think the other thing that happened is that I found my creative passion about 4-5 months ago. Suddenly it all clicked and I knew I had “found it” again, finally. It was around this time that he became much more controlling and demanding of my time and attention. (We had been dating for about 5 months by that point.) Once I found it again and knew I had to really engage with it (my art), the relationship took on less of a primary role in my life. I guess he sensed that and held on tighter?

  397.  #399Starla on January 23, 2013 at 3:25 pm

    liquid light, it sounds like this men saw you as more of an object than a true individual, though i doubt he would ever admit that OR even know what that really means. I’ve encountered this kind of man before.

    A *PRESENT* man will support you in your creative endeavors. He will revel in your blossoming. It will inspire him in his own life. It will be a BOOST to your relationship, not the end of it.

    It’s also worth mentioning that it’s really important to feel worthy and entitled to expressing yourself, in this case, artistically. I could see your vibe being one of worry and fear as you move forward in your artistic rennaisance… I only say that cuz I see you’re physically and emotionally shut down to the idea of dating/love and you actually see it as a threat to being your fullest, most expressive artistic self. If you don’t get your vibe straight on this, you might end up having the same prob over and over.

  398.  #400Starla on January 23, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    i remember David gave me so much pushback when i needed to do my homework or something. school was so important to me. it was my biggest hope for getting ahead in life, and if i didn’t do well, i didn’t have any safety net of a family to fall back on. I was 23, alone, and scared. But all he cared about was if i would ditch my homework to watch some dumb movie with him.

    i often felt like my true self and needs were just invisible to him. i took it personally for a long time, but realized he’s just too dang full of himself to ever take my own humanity seriously. not his fault, really. just the way he is.

  399.  #401Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    Yes, Starla, I hear you. All I know is that I am physically resisting sexual energy and attraction. My body and heart don’t want it right now. The whole thing was a bit traumatizing. It was only a couple weeks ago. I think I just need more time.

  400.  #402Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    “But all he cared about was if i would ditch my homework to watch some dumb movie with him.”

    This makes me so f***** angry!!! Yes, that’s the same thing I was getting. So f**** selfish!!!

    I think I’m pretty angry right now.

  401.  #403Starla on January 23, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Time’s on your side:) Yes it is.

    I feel excited to hear about your getting more involved in the art community. go girl!

  402.  #404Starla on January 23, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Alaska was kind of like this too.

    These are guys who, when pushed back upon by us because we need some space and time, will try to ‘make it better’ by buying us gifts and taking us out. Not by honoring our needs.

    It’s deceiving because it seems like they’re showering us with love. but it’s mostly for them. so they can feel in control and not anxious about if you will leave.

  403.  #405Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:41 pm

    Thanks for sharing that, Starla, I know you can relate because you’ve been through it. I feel like I’ve been going a bit crazy since all of this went down. I haven’t been able to get anyone to understand this. All they can see is that this great relationship ended, and I gave up/lost Mr. Perfect, and I’m the big loser. It wasn’t like that. He’s the one that ruined it because he was so f***** selfish and controlling!!! GRRRRR

  404.  #406Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    “These are guys who, when pushed back upon by us because we need some space and time, will try to โ€˜make it betterโ€™ by buying us gifts and taking us out. Not by honoring our needs.

    Itโ€™s deceiving because it seems like theyโ€™re showering us with love. but itโ€™s mostly for them. so they can feel in control and not anxious about if you will leave.”

    OMG!!! Thank you so much!!! Yes! Yes! Yes!

  405.  #407Jilly on January 23, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    there is a new post…. ๐Ÿ™‚

  406.  #408Starla on January 23, 2013 at 3:47 pm

    ew, i hate feeling so alone like that. you are so not the loser. i have a strong feeling that after a bit of time refocusing on yourself and your passions, an even BETTER man will come along.

  407.  #409Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    Thanks Starla! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Yeah, my whole social life was wrapped up around him for the last year almost. All I had time for was work, art and him. Yeah, it was a mistake but I honestly didn’t have time for anyone else really. So I don’t really feel like I have a community to fall back on. But interestingly, I have been reaching out and am finding some really cool, creative women out there that I am connecting with. And that feels great!

  408.  #410Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Thanks for your feedback, Starla and Mercedes. I so needed to be “heard” and “gotten” regarding this situation.

    I really feel so much better. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  409.  #411Starla on January 23, 2013 at 4:03 pm

    Yay I’m so glad you feel better!

    Now I’m thinking about my man and I. And how we have explicitly stated as a kind of ‘mission statement’ for the relationship that we were put here on this planet first to be ourselves. second to love each other. third, everything else ๐Ÿ˜€

  410.  #412Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 4:09 pm



  411.  #413Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 4:11 pm

    wow, these message boards are awesome! you ladies rock!!! big smiles!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

  412.  #414Starla on January 23, 2013 at 4:13 pm

    this blog’s name is have the relationship YOU want. not the relationship your friends like from an ignorant distance…

  413.  #415Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    Starla: YES!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  414.  #416Liquid Light on January 23, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    The timing for this is perfect. I’m meeting with a friend that I met through Caged this evening — she’s one of those cool, creative women. And I’m sure we will talk about “him”. She’s heard his version (he dumped me for another woman) but not mine. Now I feel more centered and focused about what was really going on, and not like I’m crazy/pathetic. Hahahahaha!!! Probably sounds weird but I really needed to feel validated and you all really helped me with that, esp you Starla!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  415.  #417Dominique on January 23, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    Lori – 387 – ๐Ÿ™‚


  416.  #418Dominique on January 23, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    Starla – 391 – awww, thank you. speaking of expensive glasses, I recently switched from lenses I can sleep in to lenses I need to remove at night thus requiring me to get some better glasses, ones I can actually see out of for nighttime use. I too just splurged on some beautiful Juicy Couture ones, tortoiseshell outsides lined with purple inside. LOVE!!!


  417.  #419Lori on January 23, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    What a day ladies. I’m tired but in a good way. My son is doing better. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I had a session with Dominique today and it was really helpful. I’ve learned from reading Rori’s and Dominique’s articles and books. I can tell that my vibe is changing, in a good way. I can also see where I have made some mistakes and know how to change them with the tools I’ve learned. Nice…I like it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m still CDing and enjoy the conversations I’m having with different men. I may see a new CD this weekend. We shall see.

    I haven’t heard from K today but that’s okay. He had said we should talk today but I’m leaving that up to him. I honestly okay if we don’t. I’ve learned that if he doesn’t call, it’s not about me. ๐Ÿ™‚ He generally calls twice a week which according to Dominique and other sources, twice a week for a man is ALOT. lol

  418.  #420Tereana on January 23, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    I keep remembering things that I left in the Scary Guy’s house (that’s his new name – he’s a scary guy. He is no longer anything resembling a Man, real or otherwise).

    There were things I left intentionally. But some that I did not. I actually went back in to get my shoes, and couldn’t find them. And there were other things I forgot completely. Oh well. I think I got most of the important stuff. It was like leaving. Burning house. I just wanted to get out of there.

    But I feel weird. And that’s the best word I can think of right now. I’ve so longed for the ability and the opportunity to allow myself to be “claimed” by the masculine, as it were. This is a common theme here, & I have a relationship coach friend who is fond of this topic.

    So now I’ve had the opportunity, and I let myself be “claimed.” With disastrous results. What am I supposed to do with this information? It is so hard for me to love men, because, at base, they scare the crap out of me. This guy was one of the worst. I let him get close to me, only to discover that he lied or misrepresented nearly everything about himself. And yet I so longed to be “claimed” that I listened to his words as if they were golden.

    It’s a slight vindication that, at the end of it, he said that it was “his loss.” And I’ve decided that it doesn’t work for me to harbor ‘hate’ for him. That doesn’t feel good. But neither does being “claimed” when it’s by a guy who only wants to use me, not to help me or provide for me. Ugh.

    What am I supposed to doooooo??????

    The question running through my mind all day has been, “how many awful guys does it take to turn me into a lesbian?” seriously. The only thing that all these men have in common is that they are guys. And that seems to be their worst offense….

  419.  #421Liquid Light on January 24, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    I’d really like to know what I should have learned from my last relationships that I’ve been in. The last guy just dumped abruptly for another woman, and the previous guy did the same thing (but not for another woman.)

    In the previous relationship, I was overly expressive (I can take it too far and can be annoying and obnoxious), and in the later relationship, I wasn’t expressive enough. In both cases, I thought I had these guys wrapped around my finger and kinda took them for granted a little.

    Anyway, what’s the take-away, ladies? What do I do in the next relationship? How can we strike the balance between expressing ourselves too much vs. too little??!!! That seems like really tricky territory to me and am not sure how its addressed in Rori’s work?

  420.  #422k2012 on January 24, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Liquid light, there is a new thread so everyone is over there. Maybe u could copy and paste it over there.

  421.  #423Liquid Light on January 24, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    thx k2012!

  422.  #424Sunflower on January 25, 2013 at 6:48 am

    I am feeling silly…

    The CDs who has been out of town on work, but kept in touch – sent a warm letter about him coming back, and remembering things we had said about on our last date together.

    It felt good, but instead of saying that, I goofed up with a really silly oneliner response.
    nothing big, just silly.
    He has gone quiet and i feels awkaward…???

    I feel embaressed.
    I feel worried that men will dislike me for the silly things I do and say.
    With this worry I end up creating unnecessary negative tension

    I do this quite often
    I don’t know how to be comfortable with my silliness with men, and help it to make me feel close.?

  423.  #425Lori on January 25, 2013 at 8:08 am

    I feel really excited and happy to see the results or reactions of using FMs with the men that I’m cding or even just while out. It’s awesome how they react. I would have never thought. I realized that part of it was that I was afraid I would appear “ditzy”. No, they love it, respond to it. I was told last night by one that he can feel my enthusiasm for life and my smile. That he can actually picture me smiling while we are texting.

    Another one said he can visualize my warmth and almost feel himself hugging and holding me. I was giggling while texting/emailing because I was so thrilled over the reactions.

    I’m a sensual, sexy, happy woman who is learning to reach in and open the door to myself. As I’m doing this, I can almost picture that scared girl inside of me creeping out.

  424.  #426k2012 on January 25, 2013 at 11:02 am

    Lori and Sunflower, there is a new thread out. Everyone is over there so maybe u could copy and paste it over there. What are the feeling messages u use with ur cds. I would be grateful if u could tell me. U can answer me in the new thread. Overseas cd wants a relationship and is making plans to visit me as soon as possible.