5 Simple Things You Can Do Today To Awaken Your Connection To Your Own Body

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Love This woman – Charu…I’ve done a Tantra workshop with her:

Really, really helpful little video….

This is a newsletter I just got from here…click the link…

5 Simple Things You Can Do TODAY to Awaken Your Connection to Your Own Body (new video)

In it, you’ll discover:

Just how easy it can be to begin a Tantric practice
5 Tantric exercises that you can put into practice today
A couple of unexpected (and simple, but deliciously challenging) practices

5 Simple Things You Can Do TODAY to Awaken Your Connection to Your Own Body

This will only be up for a few days so make sure to watch. Your awakening awaits. 😉

I so hope you have been enjoying all of the videos!

Please do give these exercises a try and then write me a comment under the video to let me know about your experience. It is my sincere desire that we use this forum to support one another on this journey. I will be reading every comment and participating in the conversation!

in love,

P.S. Are you local to Los Angeles? Have you registered to join us for the April 16th Evening of Awakening yet? The Early Bird rate ends Monday April 4th! 🙂

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  1.  #1T-Girl on April 2, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Thanks for posting the link – interesting! Plus, I must have the dress she is wearing!

  2.  #2Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Hello, world.

    I am thankful for everything.


  3.  #3loveiseverywhere on April 2, 2011 at 10:43 am

    This really makes me long for the dvd set of namaste yoga. I really feel more womanly and in touch with my body after doing the practices. Maybe I will indulge myself and order them… and get a new computer or tv. I feel empowered. LoVe> is > EVERYWHERE. 🙂 😉

  4.  #4Daria on April 2, 2011 at 10:47 am

    Slv and ld – from last thread… No i dont ask do they wante yo Call today.

    I found when they dont want to step up, my stepping up doesnt helP.

    The key îs to get confident aboit what i dontwant. Then i can say no FASTER before I get attached.

    Men come and go, I let them. I get confident there will be men who want to step up.

    So I FEEL turned off with less.

    ‘I respect that you want a woman to call and plan. And ghat doesn’t feel good to me. I don’t want to do that and I feel turned off . I don’t want to date a man that I don’t feel pursued and romanced with. ‘

    At this point I’m ready to hang up forever. He will feel it and step up if he can.

    Another way “ohh :(. (I pout while I’m speaking ohh) I don’t feel good calling men for dates. That won’t work for me. I feel good with a man Who is in charge and wants to do the initiating and romancing ”

    They might try to explain but I just won’t do it, so it’s ultimately up to them if they pursue.

  5.  #5Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 10:56 am

    Hi Sirens,

    Had crazy couple of days.. and missed a lot of posts!

    Went on a date last night with a very possible prospect (which happens so rarely) and a bit disappointed with my behavior. It was ok, but I started feeling a little shy and reserved half way thru the date. It was still ok.. but not ‘really good’, just ok lol. The guy traveled the world, lived in different places, speaks like 4-5 languages. Still he is single at 47 (and doesn’t look too young either). I did not dig into these personal details yet, i.e. didn’t ask why he is single on the 1st date. Before the date I heard from him every day – very nice polite texts/phone calls and this morning he did not send me anything.. Maybe he is a bit disappointed after meeting me?

    Don’t think I should send him a thank you text?? When we said good bye (he walked me to my building) he kissed me lightly and said that he has my number, we will stay in touch and now it’s his responsibility to contact me.

  6.  #6Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 11:03 am

    @4: Daria says:
    “…Slv and ld – from last thread… No i dont ask do they wante yo Call today….”

    I wonder what that was that I thought I remembered. Do you remember a post like that? 😀


  7.  #7Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:09 am

    Alonka – please do not send him anything Or contact him until he contacts you

  8.  #8Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:18 am

    Slv I vaguely remember something like that

    I remner now what I dreamt last nite. I dreamt of security man

  9.  #9sweetmandm on April 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Hi Alonka- He should be calling or texting you to thank you for the nice time/date. He was the privelaged one 😉 When he contacts you, you could tell him a little something you appreciated about your time spent with him. That would be encouraging…….still gives you power, while leaning back.


  10.  #10Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:24 am

    There was another woman, too much confusion

    Super fidsappinted he hasn’t come seen me since reappearance. I would’ve found early if I didn’t drive to him back then. He did come the first time.

    I feel like I just saw him was just with him hearing his voice bec of the dream

  11.  #11Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 11:26 am


    Thanks, are you saying this because he mentioned that he has my number? I don’t know how serious he was. I’m worried that I should thank him for dinner, that’s part of the culture to do that?

  12.  #12Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 11:29 am


    Thank you, last night he thanked me and I said with a smile – my pleasure;) He said that he will be traveling upstate NY this weekend to visit his sister&family.

    I’m just concerned that he may feel I’m not interested enough.

  13.  #13sweetmandm on April 2, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Alonka- It is new. YOU are the siren, the water wheel calling him pulling him into you by the way you are being who you are. He will contact you if he is a good man for you to be investing in. He communicated his plans. When he gets in touch with you, you will have a new opportunity to show him who you are and see if he is ready for you, appreciates who you are. Express yourself then, but leaning back……Right? 😉

    You are awesome!


  14.  #14Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Alonka – no, contacting the man after date and sending thank yous is severly overfunctioning. Rori explicitly mentions this. It’s the mans place to contact and thank you if he decides to.

    No thank you contacts. Only responding to him. When he contacts you, then you can share with him that you felt great if u want to

  15.  #15Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 11:39 am


    Thank you, this feels right;)

    Just I have a lot of American/Canadian girlfriends who think that it is customary to thank a guy for dinner the next day if you liked him. Is it not?

  16.  #16Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Alonka – no it is not. It’s customary for the man to thank the woman. (perhaps)

    It is expected to thank after a business meeting.

  17.  #17sweetmandm on April 2, 2011 at 11:47 am

    Alonka- I am a 41 yo woman who has second guessed her feelings and intuition and relied on some really poor advice from friends……..

    You first said this feels right!….
    You are working on this material, quit second guessing it (need to follow that myself by the way 😉 and keep working it. You will otherwise keep revisiting old patterns (preaching to myself too here) and you don’t want that. Picture the water wheel every time you think of thanking him, and sending a message ok?! This is what I practice 🙂


  18.  #18sweetmandm on April 2, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Alonka- Your friends want the best for you, but they don’t always know what is best for US when they offer their advice. They don’t truly know what you are working on right now if they don’t know these resources. Right?


  19.  #19Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Daria, sweetmandm,

    Thank you;) Water-wheeling, relaxing, and getting ready for my date tonight lol

  20.  #20sweetmandm on April 2, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Alonka- 🙂 have a great time being your sireny self tonight on your date!!

  21.  #21Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 11:59 am

    Thank you girls!

  22.  #22Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    @8: Daria says:
    “…Slv I vaguely remember something like that..”

    I had an idea of that technique,,, I could have sworn I asked you and I got it from you. I wanted to give you credit… 😉

    But…. if it wasn’t you. I’ll STEAL it, make it mine and put it away in my resources pantry. I might be able to brush it off, recycle it and use it for experimentation purposes… tee hee 😆


  23.  #23Daria on April 2, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    Yeah I dont use that. I don’t call men is one of my boundaries. Just used it twice in the last 5 min.

  24.  #24Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    I’m pretty sure I am in a “cycle of Saturn” like Carol Allen describes. In a way, it’s freeing to accept that – stops the questioning and hair-pulling about why my true love isn’t here yet. And takes the pressure off me. I am amazed by my studies in astrology. My marriage turned out exactly as described by the combo of our birthdates. And many more amazing discoveries of things fitting what the stars say. Wow. I wonder when my cycle of Saturn will end.

  25.  #25Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Lucy, can you buy the Saturn report?

    I was in my cycle of Saturn when I first came on here.

    We could figure out if you are just by doing a birth chart, you don’t really need to report I suppose.

  26.  #26Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    Hi LG. That’s interesting! Did the end of your cycle coincide with the appearance of LI? I don’t have the money for the report. And to be honest, I would be a lil afraid to find out I’m Not in a Saturn cycle. *vulnerable lil smile* Right now it feels peaceful to believe that I am. What do you think?

  27.  #27Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    And it’s not just my love life that fits the cycle – it’s Everything.

  28.  #28Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    And it’s not just my love life that fits the cycle – it’s Everything. I felt encouraged reading about it bc it gave me hope that it won’t just stay like this until I finally die.

  29.  #29Daria on April 2, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    I am feeling so excited thinking of guywho. I am soo not as into him. I feel good. Like yeah id give him a chance if he comes back, but I’m more interested in fantasizing about a future man than him. Wow.


    It’s kind of like I felt towards him Before I got caught up into him.

    Warm, but not pouring out my energy.

    Like yeah, but… Are you gonna be good for me?

    At first I didn’t want to date him cuz he was a player and that wasnt my type.

    Now thinking of talking with him I feel embarrassed thinking of the way I humiliated myself with him. So I’m like, yeah I could date you, maybe, but I feel embarrassed thinking
    about the past…

    Mildly embarassed


    This is great.

    I feel warm about muself.

    Also feel warm about how now I more Want to focus on me and doing stuff fir me than reaching out to men or toxic women.

    I like this vibe

  30.  #30Tulip on April 2, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Thank you Rori and Jeanette for your advice on Shy Man.

    I will indeed compliment him and I am OK ish on the eye contact though I find it difficult and I am sure I am always the first to avert!

    But something I am really down on myself about at the moment is blushing. Now I know if I complimented him I would blush. If I complimented the next guy who came in I wouldn’t.

    Maybe I need to practice until I don’t or maybe it doesn’t matter? But I sure as heck don’t feel like a cool girl and I am in my 40s.

    Does anyone else have these feelings or do you embrace it?

  31.  #31Daria on April 2, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    I feel so powerful w all men. I’m very direct when stuff doesn’t feel good and so ready to wall away. Instead, they’re all stepping up their behavior. I am letting it be known right away that it feels good.

  32.  #32Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Tulip I am in my 40s too. I don’t think of myself as cool, I just try to practice what I have read that cool girls do particularly things that noone can do anything about. Even if I do bring it up and realize after I try to change the topic. I however think of myself as sexy. Since I started practicing looking at myself in the mirror and saying that and some other things such as throwing kisses to myself it is easier for me to say that to myself. That is what I focus on more than the cool girl stuff. I believe that kind of thing will come naturally as I focus on my life.

  33.  #33Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Lucy I thought the information included when it would end from the little that I have heard Carol Allen say.

  34.  #34Daria on April 2, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Yes I blush:). Roti says to let all emotions show, even nervousness and shaking

    She says let them see u shake

    ‘im feeling a lil embarassed… You are really hamdsome’

  35.  #35Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Alonka my understanding from another coach is that some decent guys will wait a few days after the 1st date. They don’t want to be considered as perverts or stalkish.

  36.  #36Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 1:33 pm

    @35: Femininewoman says:
    “…Alonka my understanding from another coach is that some decent guys will wait a few days after the 1st date. They don’t want to be considered as perverts or stalkish…”

    Or “overly eager” as I read one coach put it and advise skip a day. And I’ve read another coach advise guys to ALWAYS call the next day after a FIRST date. So I guess varying opinions and different schools of thought.

    But, it’s just me, I really like to hear from a guy the next day…


  37.  #37Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 1:42 pm


    I feel confused and can see other woman also wondering about if and when it is ok to be calling someone you have been dating awhile. I understand not pursuing and planning dates and such, but if the feedback from men is that I don’t seem interested because I don’t reach out…. then what?

    What about if he spcifically says, I wish you would call me…. or if i talk about that I have been going hiking, he says ” you should call and invite me on your hikes”..

    Does this make sense? Is that then allowing him to lead?

    I would love some more clarity on this.

    thank you

  38.  #38Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Lucy: I felt encouraged when I found out too because I knew it would end eventually. I did meet LI about 4 months after it ended.

    You may already know this and I apologize in advance if you do…

    There are three different aspects of our chart that are affected by the Saturn cycle, our sun sign, our moon sign, and our rising sign.

    They all go through a Saturn cycle every 20 or so years for 7 years. Depending on how your chart is, they could all happen at different times, or overlap, or happen consecutively.

    Your sun, Gemini, is not in Saturn right now. Not sure about the others.

    I do understand not wanting to know.

    There is also a universal thing happening with Saturn right now. Sort of a check and balance between Saturn and Jupiter. You might be feeling that too.

    I have mixed feelings about astrology. I feel intrigued by it and I also feel scared of being bound by it.

  39.  #39Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Hi FW. Yes, the report includes that. I didn’t get the report though. 🙂

  40.  #40Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    7 1/2 years.

    My numbers are very generalized. Please don’t take too literally.

  41.  #41Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    I am feeling nervous. I have a dinner date tonight. I feel excited too.

    what a great chance to practice being in touch with my feelings and using feelings messages with this newer man. But argh! I feel nervous. lol.

    I tell myself that nervousness is just the mask that my excitement wears.

  42.  #42Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    On How I Met Your Mother the guys said guys are supposed to wait 5 days after a first date to call so as not to appear too eager and needy. Ted, of course, did not want to wait that long. 🙂

  43.  #43Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    I said “Depending on how your chart is, they could all happen at different times, or overlap, or happen consecutively.”

    consecutively isn’t the right word. What I mean to say is they occur at the same time. What is the word for that? …in unison maybe.

  44.  #44Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    LG, thanks for the helpful info. I feel disappointed to hear gemini is not affected by Saturn now. 🙁 Maybe it is the universal thing you mentioned. My moon sign is Libra. I feel scared telling you that bc you may tell me nope, not affected by Saturn now. *pout* How can I learn what my rising sign is? Is the venus sign not affected by Saturn? I know what you mean about being afraid of being bound by it. There definitely seems to be something to it though.

  45.  #45Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Yesterday I showed my 18 yo son what I was learning about astrology… He was intrigued and started studying it too. His math/science aptitude is greater than mine so he immediately had a comprehensive understanding of how it all works – much moreso than me. I was impressed. He was amazed by how much his chart fit him. And he thinks the whole thing makes sense from both a scientific and a spiritual viewpoint. (He’s the one whose graduation research included kelly howell and binaural beats. Interesting kid!)

  46.  #46Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    RE 41 Was listening to a Relationship Expert recommend questions for 1st dates:–

    1. So do you enjoy your work? Will allow the guy to indicate how ready he is for a relationship because guys feel good in relationships when they feel financially secure and are enjoying their careers.

    2. Have you had sex with a republican? Fun way to discuss a topic that could possibly be explosive so might show how the person fights.

    3. Do you want to thumb wrestle? Will show up his character. Will he allowyou to win, will show you how he will touch you.

  47.  #47Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    concurrently 🙂

  48.  #48Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Even if Gemini isn’t, your moon and rising could be. Moon is the one that influences our love life.

    Venus is affected but she doesn’t include that in the chart.

    She does it from a Vedic perspective which emphazizes the moon more. She has a free chart creator on her site that will tell you your Vedic signs which may be a little different than your western signs.

  49.  #49Lilybelle on April 2, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    38: This all feels confusing to me. How do I figure out where I am??

    I am a Virgo but don’t know how to figure out everything else?

    LG? Abundant sunshine?? I hope.

  50.  #50Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Angel Lady I understand that if he specifically asks you to call you should as long as you are not pursuing him. It also depends where you are in the relationship. If it is a new situation I would indicate that I prefer men to call because of how doing otherwise makes me feel.

  51.  #51Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Yes! Concurrently!

    That’s the word I was looking for. 🙂

  52.  #52Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 2:21 pm


    Yes! Abundant sunshine. I feel reborn.

    You can run a free chart to find out your other info.

    For Western Astrology I use

  53.  #53Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    For Vedic astology, I use


    this is the same sign that talks about the Saturn cycles.

  54.  #54Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Same site

  55.  #55Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    SLV, FW,

    Thank you. With everyone’s help here I decided to let it go and see what happens.

    Tonight I’m having another date and the guy called me at like 4:30 to make final plans! He did say that he’d call during the day on Sat, but this was too late in my opinion. I missed hs call and returned it like 40 mins later. Didn’t say anything, but will mention it on a date. Not sure how to do it – wait till he asks me again and then say that if I don’t hear from him a day in advance I’m making other plans or to say at dinner that I felt surprised to hear from him on a later side and if we were to go out again I’d prefer to hear from him earlier?

    Or perhaps I shouldn’t have agreed to go out tonight?

  56.  #56Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Hmm for some reason my phone won’t display the chart creator on Carol’s site. 🙁 Is the rising sign the same thing as the ascending node? If so mine is Leo. LG, if you want to tell me if my moon Libra is in Saturn, I might as well know the truth…. I can always say that my parents must’ve lied to me about when I was born. 😉 Haha.

  57.  #57Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Alonka – I hate when I feel like you do right now. 🙁 I wouldn’t worry too much about how tonight came about at this point. Now you are finding out what you are comfortable with. I can totally relate.

    I would express perhaps “I am uncomfortable waiting to the last minute to hear from you on plans for the evening. I tend to feel uptight when that happens. (or whatever feeling that brings up in you) I would feel really good knowing the day before what time we are getting together so I can plan around it.”

    Then see how it goes from there. See if he “catches” your feelings and next time does his part to help you feel good. If not, then worry about it then.

    🙂 I hope that helps. It’s not attacking and it gives him the chance to help you feel good.

    He will likely jump on that chance. Guys tend to be more last minute then us girls. It can be frustrating, but a compromise can be found.

  58.  #58Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Alonka – How to bring it up? After you guys are having a good time, I would just casually bring it up.

    Say – “Hey, I noticed earlier that we almost missed each other for our date tonight. I would have been disappointed about that. ….. then something like I mentioned above.

    Very casual..


  59.  #59Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Lucy: Ya, rising is same as ascendent.

    I’m not sure exactly where Saturn is right now. I’d have to do a little research 🙂

  60.  #60Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    @55: Alonka says:
    “…SLV, FW,
    Or perhaps I shouldn’t have agreed to go out tonight?…”

    I’d go. However, I’d like to see how you work this out so it won’t be a problem in the future. I’m very interested because this is an issue for me. I do not like to be left hanging.

    I like a date to be a date with time, place and how we are getting there fixed ahead of time and not at the last minute. This is just my preference; I realize different people like different things.

    I’ve been reading recently on the blog situations where sirens thought they had dates when guys said they would call and give details and … they didn’t… sometimes they didn’t even call to say the date wasn’t going to take place.

    That’s so inconvenient because I’d schedule my time and perhaps turn down things because of the “scheduled date”… which turned out to be a no-show. Even with a Plan B, I wouldn’t feel too good about it.

    What do you think?


  61.  #61Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Another 1st date question

    Have you ever taken care of something that needs air to survive?

    This will show if he has taken care of anything or anyone except himself.

  62.  #63Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Angel Lady,

    Thank you, it’s an excellent advice! I will say something and do my best to sound like ‘I’m expressing my feelings’ and not ‘attacking’.


    I have to say that it happened to me once just recently and from now on I will definitely not accept last minute arrangements. In today’s case I was the one who was busy all days this week, didn’t have a minute to talk, so for me Sat was the right time really. But I thought it would bee noon max, not 4:30 😉

  63.  #64Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    Virginia Feingold Clark – I love this

    I used to be more dog-like in my relationships with men than cat-like. I was making so many dog-like mistakes that I eventually learned that I needed to bring out my inner cat, not my inner dog.

    So what were the qualities I was exhibiting when I was expressing my inner dog?
    luck would have it, I was cast as “the cat” in a stage play of “Animal Farm” by George Orwell. As the cat, I was the only animal in the play with no lines. All I did on stage was saunter up to anyone who would pet me or lazily look for anything I could rub myself against. This was meant to be an exaggeration of the pleasure loving nature of a cat, but in truth, it is a large part of their essence.

    At the time I had a cat named Nova and I studied her intently for my role. I could see that she had many desirable qualities that seemed to keep me at her beck and call. As they say, “no one really owns a cat, a cat owns you.”

    She was giving me a glimpse into a more feminine way to be with a man, but it took me a long time to understand. Now, years later, I embrace my inner cat with gusto.

    So what are the qualities of a cat that you can use to increase your feminine allure?

    · Cats are independent.

    · Cats are unpredictable.

    · Cats are playful.

    · Cats are curious.

    · Cats embody a sense of mystery.

    · Cats won’t always come when you call.

    · Cats keep themselves well groomed.

    · Cats know what they want and don’t want.

    And just as importantly — cats know how to relax! They can relax so totally because they are at peace with who they are. There is nothing more feminine than a cat stretched out full length for a nap.
    · Dogs are always eager to please.

    · Dogs demand very little other than food and attention.

    · Dogs are fiercely loyal even to their owners who abuse them.

    · Dogs will follow their owner wherever they go, always watching for their reactions and approval.

    · Dogs will beg for love.

    These are all wonderful qualities in a pet, but these are not the qualities you want to embrace as a woman in a love relationship.

    But that was me, always trying so hard to please. I was single and I was feeling desperate and needy. I eventually realized that being dog-like was not working for me.

  64.  #65Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    @57: Angel Lady says:
    “…I tend to feel uptight when that happens…”

    Uptight pretty much sums it up. I like to know if I’m going to a neighborhood diner, a upscale restaurant, a wedding reception dinner in a big hotel, the theatre with drinks and appetizers before or after… foreign film and then pasta next door…. bowling… what??? You know what I mean… It throws me off when I don’t know. Like what to wear and what to eat and when at home before I go… lots of stuff…

    Plus it’s more anticipating a day or two ahead about the fun of the date. Don’t guys know this??? Well,, it is for me anyway….


  65.  #66Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    luck would have it, I was cast as “the cat” in a stage play of “Animal Farm” by George Orwell. As the cat, I was the only animal in the play with no lines. All I did on stage was saunter up to anyone who would pet me or lazily look for anything I could rub myself against. This was meant to be an exaggeration of the pleasure loving nature of a cat, but in truth, it is a large part of their essence.

    At the time I had a cat named Nova and I studied her intently for my role. I could see that she had many desirable qualities that seemed to keep me at her beck and call. As they say, “no one really owns a cat, a cat owns you.”

    She was giving me a glimpse into a more feminine way to be with a man, but it took me a long time to understand. Now, years later, I embrace my inner cat with gusto.

    So what are the qualities of a cat that you can use to increase your feminine allure?

    · Cats are independent.

    · Cats are unpredictable.

    · Cats are playful.

    · Cats are curious.

    · Cats embody a sense of mystery.

    · Cats won’t always come when you call.

    · Cats keep themselves well groomed.

    · Cats know what they want and don’t want.

    And just as importantly — cats know how to relax! They can relax so totally because they are at peace with who they are. There is nothing more feminine than a cat stretched out full length for a nap.

    This is my cat Luna who just passed her 21st birthday on March 10th. She is my inspiration.

    It’s a challenge to embody these qualities if you’re used to being more dog-like. One thing you can do to help you be more catlike is keep an image of a particular cat in your mind. Call on it whenever you feel you are going into that “man-pleasing dog territory.”

    I tell you, Luna has me under a love spell. Whatever she wants I’m happy to give her, but she doesn’t always seem grateful and keeps me guessing. But at night, when she curls up to sleep beside me, I know that I am loved and appreciated.

    That’s how a man wants to feel — that’s the feminine allure of relishing your inner cat.

  66.  #67Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    And… if the guy had told me ahead of time he’d planned for us to go rock climbing… I might have said “no, thank you.” 😆


  67.  #68Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 2:56 pm


    #61: I may be very wrong and I definitely pay for it later, but I tend to avoid these questions, unless put very jokingly, just because they feel like you’re ‘tricking him’ into giving you some info and if he neglects the question, that would mean to you like he’s doing something wrong with his life 😉 Also, I think guys ‘smell’ the quiz and most people are not fond of it.

  68.  #69Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 2:57 pm


    You are just as naughtly as I am… 😆


  69.  #70Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    RE 55 Alonka I view such things as preferences and he might have some other preference. He has a right to his preferences too. As such I would let him know that I prefer to get confirmation of a date 24 hours in advance. There might be other circumstances for him so he prefers to confirm the day of. If your dance card fills up quickly maybe you could indicate that to him thus warning him that if he calls late the spot will have been filled because you assumed that he was off the planet. You will however have to stick with your words because he might push that boundary. Your eagerness to accept will give you away.

  70.  #71Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    FW _ I LOVE IT! That’s awesome and will be useful to me in my life. I am CATLIKE>. puuurrrr… with a little ROAR sometimes. (grin)

    SLV – I really believe that men just operate differently than we can even relate to.. lol. and so they can’t relate to how we want to have it all mapped out ahead of time either.

    BUT – hopefully if a guy hears, I will be uptight by the time you get to me if we do it this way, he will help out with meeting in the middle. I have found not expecting to know the ENTIRE plan is meeting them in the middle. I like to know the time and if there is anything in particular I should wear, that they let me know. ( I have found they really like this question too)

    Although it has been hard for me, I have given up having to know the rest of the details. It also allows me to learn how to trust them to lead.

  71.  #72Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    On a first date and in a fun context I find guys tend to answer any question. The point is to have fun that is what a first date is about. Forget the job interview type of quiz. If that is not your intention and your intention is fun that will be felt. The coach recommended it indicating that you should do it jokingly and it will most likely be new for the guy because most people tend to ask the boring questions like “what do you do for a living, where do you work?” I have also seen where Dr. Paul says curiousity is what shows we are really interested in a person or a person is interested in us.

  72.  #73Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Oh LG! Boohoo! 🙁 So my moon IS in a cycle of Saturn but it won’t end til 2017!!! Oh NO. 🙁 At least the article says it’s not ALL bad during these times and even that some ppl get married … but everything is just Harder. 🙁 Does Carol’s report give more specific info for individuals? It is very interesting that you met LI shortly after your cycle ended. I hope I don’t have to wait til 2017!!! What do you think, LG??? (Thx for finding the info.)

  73.  #74Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    RE 71 Love it love it love it.

  74.  #75Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Lucy: is that based on your western moon sign or Vedic moon sign?

  75.  #76luzydel on April 2, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    If any of you have Netflix Online, please watch the movie “I’M WITH LUCY” and independent film about Circular Dating lol. Just wanted to share, I’ll bring the popcorn.

  76.  #77Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    RE 65 I get from Rori that this is us trying to put things in a package and tying it up with a neat little bow. What came to mind was something I read from another coach that we want to make a good first impression so for a 1st date we should dress up because the guy will always remember the first impression. Also guys won’t say it but they love it when we dress up for them.

  77.  #78Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    The way I understand it is that we just are being pushed to change patterns. If we do that then great things can happen.

    I do have some other more specific info I could email you once I get to my computer…which may not be for a few days.

  78.  #79turquoise3 on April 2, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Hi girls… still recovering from our sleepover party last nigt. I just got caught up on the posts.

    Ladybird, it was actually a Tangled themed party and we watched the DVD. I agree, so great to see the heroine being strong and going for what she wants, yet not leaning forward, overthinking, etc. and getting her love in the end. 🙂


    I wouldn’t say anything. Wait to see if you’d even like to go out with him again. Then, if he asks you out, plan out the details then. I think a lot of men feel that when they say I’ll see you Saturday for dinner, they mean it, and will contact you before hand, even if only a few hours to commit to a time and place, not because they have ulterior motives, but because they feel that they have already planned the date.

    What I would do would be wait and see if you think you’d like to see him again, and then if he suggests a date let him know that you’d like to confirm the plans at least the day before so you can plan your day, without worrying about conflicting plans. OR, if he says, I’m free next Saturday, would you like to meet for dinner? Is it so wrong to reply with, that sounds nice. I’ll be free after 7? Maybe then he’ll reply with perfect… and name a place? Then you can just end it with, ok, see you then or looking forward to it?

    When Larry asked me out the other night he asked me when I would have some free time this weekend, and I said I’d check with my babysitter, but would meeting earlier in the day be an option for him if I couldn’t get a sitter for the evening. He said sure and to let him know. When I texted I had a sitter for Sunday he said great. He texted me last night but didn’t mention the date, so I asked if we were still on for Sunday and he said yes, I told him what time I was available, and we made plans to meet at a shopping center nearby. He still didn’t tell me exactly what restaurant, but we have a time. Sometimes I think they just want an excuse to contact you again before hand.

    I also wouldn’t worry about thanking him today. I always end the date thanking them for dinner or saying it was nice meeting them, so then I don’t have to worry about making contact next. I’ve had guys contact me right after the date to tell me how attractive they thought I was, or how much they enjoyed it and were looking forward to seeing me again soon, and I’ve had other guys wait a day or two and then make contact about something like the weather, or a football game result…

    I can’t wait to hear about your date tonight 🙂 I will be home… feel like I got run over by a truck, all I did was have a sleepover party for my girl!

  79.  #80Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I have seen where a coach says don’t say “looking forward to see you”. It seems to suggest that we are thinking about them and that we have nothing else going on so we are eagerly awaiting the date.

  80.  #81Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    RE 68 Alonka the guy will definitely “smell” the quiz if our energy is telling him that we are looking for a long term partner that we can trap and put into a cage. However, if we are just out for fun he will “smell” the quiz as us playing with him.

  81.  #82Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    78 That feels encouraging LG. I guess Libra is my western moon sign. I’ll try to find out if my vedic moon is different. I read one thing Carol wrote that said something like when your cycle of Saturn ends your love will find you even if you’re in a coma in a cave. So does that also mean it’s hopeless Until then? Or can I learn my lessons early and move on (as possibly implied in your post 78)?

  82.  #83turquoise3 on April 2, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Well, I guess they could take it that way, but if they ask you out, and you are looking forward to seeing them again, I don’t think that means you have nothing else going on. It could just mean that you enjoyed the evening and are looking forward to seeing them again. I think it depends on the tone, context and situation. I wouldn’t say it in a way that sounded over excited, but pleased if that were the case. Usually they say it, and I just say me too… but guess it just depends on the situation.

    In the example I gave, I would mean it casually… unless he said, let’s go to such and such concert/event next week.. and it was something I really wanted to do, then yes, I’d sound excited by it. I also tell people right away how limited my free time is, so unfortunately it never sounds like I have nothing else going on, because I always do.

  83.  #84Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    I love the raggedy Ann type shake. It reminds move of a move in the Turbo Fire exercise videos.

  84.  #85Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 3:38 pm


    So does that also mean it’s hopeless Until then?
    No no no!!!

    Or can I learn my lessons early and move on (as possibly implied in your post 78)? Yes!

    I only found out about Saturn cycles near the end of mine. If I would have had the knowledge going into it, I would maybe have made different choices.

  85.  #86Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 3:41 pm


    Thanks. I hear you and at the same time the late call made me feel unpleasant, so I want to mention it, even if it’s just to practice and I don’t intend to see him again. this is my little agenda for tonight lol.

    Btw, I never ask if a date plan is still on 😉 I assume that he is so eager to see me that unless he is run over by a truck, the date is on!

    frankly, I think there might be a chance my date is expecting some activity after dinner;) I’m to travel to his neighborhood as last time he traveled to mine, so when I say no I may find myself in a situation of getting a $20 cab or a lengthy ride home. Definitely smth to look for lol!

  86.  #87LonePlum on April 2, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    ha ha
    They made a movie out of a comic strip for children.
    And here is the song plaid during the opening credits of the movie.

    “”Girls, they can’t play with LEGO
    nor make the sound of the motorbike with their mouth
    They can’t make noise with their behind
    What’s their use for?

    Girls they can’t appreciate television
    They understand nothing to karate films
    They forget to shout during a foot ball match
    Ah what a pity

    What’s their use for?

    They can’t build boat models
    And if we lend them our G.I. JOE
    They’ll want to make him marry Barbie
    They just don’t get it

    What’s their use for?
    What’s their use for?

    So, me, I stay in my ickle bed
    I feel good in my canary yellow pajamas
    Sorry, gals, but you won’t get my willy
    Too bad,too bad, too bad,
    Too bad

    Girls, they lock themselves up in bathrooms
    They got all kind of balms,
    That I understand nothing of
    Girls, they never stay long with me
    Don’t know why””


  87.  #88Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    *to look fwd to

  88.  #89Mel on April 2, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Wondering your opinions…

    A friend recommended the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman

    I found it interesting, and there was no surprise to me that my “love language” is Quality Time. Essentially, that means that the way I MOST feel loved is when my significant other engages in meaningful conversation with me and when we can spend one-on-one time together.

    I can certainly see how with him starting the new job, being away a lot and being tired when he is home, I would feel like his love for me had declined. No longer was he making an effort to “connect” with me.

    Anyways… so there is this quiz you can take to determine your “love language” and one for men to take. The idea is that if you can show the special person in your life that they are loved in the way that is most meaningful to them, it can improve relationships.

    I’m kinda thinking that I’d like to know hubby’s “love language” but it seems a bit too leaning forward, don’t you think? Would it be silly of me to ask him if he would take the quiz? Because to tell you the truth, I’m not really sure what his would be.

    The author proposes an experiment where (even if it is only one of you doing it) you show your significant other your love in their language every day for 6 weeks.

    And once a week you make a sort of request (I guess maybe with feeling statements) from them in yours. So I might say: “With the beautiful spring weather on its way, It would feel so nice to go for a hike with you in the woods.”

    So is this too leaning forward? Does this sound ridiculous? Just wondering….

    BTW, the love languages are:
    Words of Affirmation
    Quality Time
    Receiving Gifts
    Acts of Service
    Physical Touch

  89.  #90Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Mel I amso happy you read that book.
    In CCarter style if it is somehting you used to do together sandwich it with your feelings of the memories. In other words share how you remember feeling when you used to do and then share the wish of doing it again.

  90.  #91Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm


    How is your father?

  91.  #92Mel on April 2, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    What about asking him to do the quiz? How would that work?

  92.  #93Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Looks like my vedic moon might be Virgo. So then according to western astrology (Libra moon) I am in a cycle of Saturn but according to vedic astrology I am not. What does that mean???

  93.  #94Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    ‘You know I was thinking how I used to love riding through the woods/streets with you because I felt safe and taken care of. I long to go back to doing that again or it would make me so happy to do that again. What do you think? Or something to that effect.

    My understanding from the book is that his love language would be something that he complains about a lot as in something you don’t give him.

    I should also share that I have asked “what makes you feel really special or loved” and was shocked to be told a story of how someone said thank you for a gift and then returned something similar by mail. He really highlighted how words of affirmation made him feel good. He used to complain about feeling taken for granted in a previous relationship and like he couldn’t help himself as he is giver; he seemed to feel like a loser because he always gave and hardly received verbal appreciation. I think I have also noticed you suggesting that your husband felt taken for granted by his mother and in the same comment I felt he would enjoy words of affirmation because you commented about him being pleased with you doing that.

  94.  #95LonePlum on April 2, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Alonka 86

    It would be good to practice not doing the 50/50 and let him come to you.
    Stop counting what you owe him. You owe him nothing, he did nothing for you. Do not count his trip to you, it is the least he can do to meet you.

    Sometimes what you take as fairness is simply a lack of self esteem and wrong education. A woman does not drive nor travel to a stranger.

    A date who won’t drive to you again because he feels that driving to you ONCE is more than enough, is a man who will never give you what you want. “NEXT!”


  95.  #96Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I have not asked anyone to do the quiz but I have a friend who has had her husband do it as well as the John Gottman quiz. She learnt some new things about him but he was open to doing the quiz, partially because it was part of homework from a marriage counselling class at my church.

  96.  #97Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    RE 95 Amen to that

  97.  #98SAngelina on April 2, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Hi everyone…been a while…

    @ Alonka 5

    I used to send a “thank you” note after dates especially to ones I liked until I read Rachel Greenwald’s “Have him at hello”. She interviewed about 1000s guys. Regarding the follow up thank you call/text/email the next day, she advised not to do it cuz it gives the power over to the guys. When you do, they know you’re thinking about them. Better to say your “thank yous” after the date and leave it at that.

  98.  #99Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 4:06 pm

    I am signing off now to go see my dad. Yesterday I was so in shock I had to stay instead of going to work. He had been sedated early in the morning so he was in a state I had never seen him before. I almost passed out after they put in the central line because I saw blood running from his shoulder and he was looking like someone who was mentally confused and unaware of his world. This morning he was awake, alert though weak. Talking and the tube in his nose was removed. So now he has been placed on clear fluids and take meds orally. He was talking clearly and communicating back and forth but the BP still goes over 200 sometimes.

    Thanks for asking Mel and thanks to all that have sent well wishes.

  99.  #100Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Sorry Alonka didn’t see you had asked also but thanks for asking.

  100.  #101Femininewoman on April 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Mel regarding the quiz I imagine he would want to do it in a fun context. If he felt you were trying to psycho analyze him he might resist. If however you are doing it for yourself and leave it lying around where he could see it he might ask thus creating an opening for you.

  101.  #102Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Re: the love languages convo. My ex-h always said he didn’t need anything from me, that he was “low maintenance.” He told this to our marriage counselor. Said he was completely content with me and our marriage. 🙁

  102.  #103Mel on April 2, 2011 at 4:23 pm


    I never really get a reply from him either when I ask him for feedback. That’s why I was hoping if he did the quiz, I could discover something new about how to best love him.

    My feeling is that it would either be affirmation or maybe acts of service for him… because that’s what he tends to do for me. But, in the book it said they will often just do what they saw their fathers do, so it doesn’t necessarily mean it is what they prefer.

    My best friend told me she was surprised to learn that her hubby likes affirmation and gifts equally. She never knew that about him.

  103.  #104Lilybelle on April 2, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    I was asked out for tomorrow evening and he assumed I was driving to him.

    I said (and was so surprised by the assumption)

    M:Oh no, I don’t want to drive to where you live.


    B: You are right, how about if we find some place in the middle so that you feel comfortable, which is how you should feel.

    M: Oh, that feels much better.

    B: Tell me where you want to meet.

    M: I’m not comfortable deciding this, I want you to think about it and let me know after you are finished with your mom’s birthday. (he was bringing her flowers)

    B: Okay, how about blah blah blah on blah blah blah.

    M: Yes, that sounds perfect.

    B: I will call you tomorrow to confirm.

    M: Thanks, I feel good about that.

    It wasn’t perfect of course, but I could feel myself shut down when he inferred that I was going there. Coulda heard a pin drop for a minute and then he had a shift, sounded more confident and take charge like, which I guess, was what I wanted in the first place.

  104.  #105Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    They are teen/young adult. I do it very casually and subtly…no big production. 🙂

  105.  #106luzydel on April 2, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Just finished the movie, hehe It was all About circular dating and about you can’t do or be anything wrong for the right guy. When a guy likes you, he just does. So those people who say to us don’t do this or say this and be someone we are not so a amn can like us, KISS MY A@ss!!!!

    Sorry, I had to say that 🙂

  106.  #107Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    @72: Femininewoman

    I had to give a little thought to that Republican question… LOL 😆


  107.  #108luzydel on April 2, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    amn= man, getting a little dyslexic here lol

  108.  #109Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    weird. looks like a couple of my posts didn’t show up. oh well.

  109.  #110Daria on April 2, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Ugh now Lagos are for boys too?

    Wtf I thought at least playing with legos which I loved was gender neutral! Grr I feel angry

  110.  #111Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    @96: Femininewoman

    Where did you get the questions? How many are there? I must start gathering this and putting into battle plan folder… stomach armor… hahahahaha get it…? belly laughs… 😆

    I really am making battle plans, that part is no joke… but kind of funny anyway… 😆


  111.  #112tinque on April 2, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Whoever recommended the movie (can’t find you right now), it has Angel in it (with bad hair). I like Angel.

    Thank you. Silly movie. Silly is good.


  112.  #113turquoise3 on April 2, 2011 at 4:58 pm


    There is an online version of that test, I think it’s only 10-20 questions. You could tell him you read the book, thought it was interesting and ask him to take it. His results might surprise you both.
    When Tom and I were dating I asked him if he had heard of the book, and told him what the love styles are and his response was, “I can be all those things.” Which, I think we all can be, but there usually is one that stands out. The only thing I don’t agree with, is that the book says people give love the way they want to receive it. My ex was an excellent gift giver, but he liked acts of service best. When I made him a nice dinner or pressed his uniforms, took care of him when he was sick… those things meant the most to him, but wasn’t how he returned love.

    Sometimes I think that what is missing from the relationship is what we are focused on, and then it appears to be our love language. Like for example, when someone isn’t telling me they love me, I really want words of affirmation. BUT, when I feel safe and happy in the relationship, my love language is quality time. It’s an interesting book though.

    There is another book I read, I think it was called Carepooling…. LONG time ago, but it talked about our love tank. Basically that all good things that are said, done, given to us, etc. fill up our love tank. When we don’t have that coming in, the love tank gets depleted and we don’t run right. Sometimes we can help ourselves with self love, have others help us fill it back up, but that sometimes when we get so depleted, there is no easy fix and we need medical help. Which cam cause people to need antidepressents or anti anxiety medicine.. their love tank is just too empty and whatever might be coming in, just doesn’t help.

  113.  #114Mel on April 2, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Interesting Turquoise3!

    Yeah, I agree that you don’t always give it the way you would like it returned. I think people tend to give love the way it was modeled to them growing up.

    Also, I definitely notice that when one thing is lacking, you crave that thing. While I would say my “language” is generally quality time, right now with our sexual, relationship being crappy, I’m craving more physical touch than usual.

    I guess you want what you can’t have!

    I might ask him to do the quiz, but I’m not holding my breath. I predict he will roll his eyes…

    I can always experiment without his participation though…

  114.  #115kaitlyn on April 2, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    112 TINQUE

    Th movie was by Jane Campion who also directed Sweetie. I forgot the exact title of the Angel movie as well.

  115.  #116Lilybelle on April 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm


    Why was he sedated yesterday morning? Were their complications or was it to help bring the BP down or was it because of pain?

    I’ve been thinking of you and your family all week and am hoping things are improving.


  116.  #117kaitlyn on April 2, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    110 Daria

    Whatevs on Legos. I was the girliest little girl ever, but Legos were my favorite all through my childhood because I wanted to be an architect when I grew up.

  117.  #118Lilybelle on April 2, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    95: LP

    After reading this, I see I could have handled my post @ 104 differently.

    I am worth a drive, darn it. And it isn’t even that far.

    Sheesh, I don’t want to drive to meet.

  118.  #119Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    So how is it that we don’t thank guys after dates? My guy used to send me a thank you text after dropping me home. At first I found it weird – and I remember thinking ‘how sweet’ or ‘what is he thanking me for… he paid for the date’ lol or something along those lines. I guess my self-esteem issues and ignorance/ wrong info. Luckily I would text after – thank you and also with an FM of how I felt in the moment or about the date. Is this okay? Or is it leaning forward?

    So he has not contacted me since Wed. He asked me on our date on Wed evening ‘advice’ (his word) for what he could wear to a wedding later this month. It was a straight question and i gave him a straight answer. I needed to research a bit and I sent the answer in an email where I mentioned his best qualities and what I thought would look good in that respect.

    Anyhow, he has not contacted me since then. I feel deeply weird. Not even to thank me for the work (research and emailing) I did to give him his answer. I wonder what I said wrong or what the issue is? It feels like a houdini. No idea what is going on. Sirens, please give me feedback?

    I’ve not contacted him. I feel like he has been ignoring me coz I see him online but he won’t say anything. So I put myself invisible. I remember Rori says never to allow a man to ignore us. So here I am practicing the tools – feeling my feelings and staying on my bridge – or so I think.

    Sirens, please let me know if you have any insight or if you think I was over-functioning? Perhaps I was over-functioning. It did feel like a slight chore but I just did it like no big deal. A favour I would do for someone who asked. What could I have said – no I don’t feel comfortable recommending fashion for men? Urghhh, this feels weird!!

  119.  #120Lilybelle on April 2, 2011 at 5:34 pm


    Legos and Lincoln Logs.

  120.  #121Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    After studying this a bit more, it looks like if my moon is Virgo (vedic) I AM in a cycle of Saturn but further along than according to western astrology (Libra moon). So that feels a little better! In that case it would end in 2014 instead of 2017. Still too far away for my liking but if I get time off for good behavior maybe I can be out of the woods soon. Time to learn my lessons and be a good girl. 🙂

  121.  #122Daria on April 2, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Queenbee – thanking him aNd feeling Message After he initiates contact and thanks you îs totally appropriate

    That would be appreciating

  122.  #123Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    LG, what would you have done differently if you had known about your cycle of Saturn earlier?

  123.  #124LonePlum on April 2, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    104: Lilybelle

    Yes, you are worth it 🙂
    Let them know from the start.


  124.  #125Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    Queenbee – I think doing research was definitely overfunctioning even though he asked

    An in the moment… “hmm … Tux and a blue tie?”. Would have been appropriate

    Or if you didn’t know, ‘I don’t know :)’. With a smile

    But fiind and putting in effort îs masculine energy, and now you are Expecting thank you for the masculine effort and feeling bad

    Thats why we dont do it, cuz we Expect stuff after (even of we tell ourselves we dont)

    Also, you dont have to get offline when he is on… It can be triggering, but I would pretend his neighbor is using his Id or something.

    I think paying attention to whether he’s online and getting off is focusing on him too much, and will mess up your vibe

    Unless it feels way too triggering to see him on (can u hide him?) i wouldnt even check or pay attention if he’s online.

  125.  #126LonePlum on April 2, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    ha ha ha @Daria’s and Katlyn’s reaction to little boys’ sayings
    ha ha ha too cute


  126.  #127nanceen on April 2, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    SweetMadam, thanks so much!!. I tried to calm down even more when I left. I got a lot of help on the posts last night and tried to apply it. He called me this morning but I did not call back until later. Before I called him back, I hit the Rori book HTRYW. I prayed heavily and watched some Creflo Dollar. I saw a teaching about pushing through the anxiety instead of eating and going off the deep end and crying for hours like I usually do. I have a horrible problem with anxiety in my stomach and usually frantically try and get rid of it anyway I can. It hurts I decided I had the tools and was going to focus on the confidence to resolve any conflicts. I also tried to see what it felt like for him. Looked like to him. Why on earth was he so freaked out? Jeez I said I loved him, blah blah…something floated out of me inside, “he wants to be respected and he wants it to be real respect, because A’s actions, screwing around right in front of him and attitude showed she never respected him as a man.” I do respect him. I may not like everything he has ever done, but I do respect many of his actions and work ethics. They are sterling. Truly. He is tireless, diligent and prolific. Stable. Calm. Okay what else? I truly enjoyed our bike rides, picnics, his cooking, his patient critiques of my drawings and paintings, lunches by lakes and waterfalls, swimming, movies, marx bros movies, taking me to the Brooklyn botanical rose gardens, marching in a halloween parade in Greenwich village, getting so rained on our costumes melted on us and we looked like we had rolled in body paint, him steadily holding my hand for hours in the crowd so as not to lose me, our vacation in Cyprus, the night a stand up comic tried to make me the butt of a joke in a bar and I stood up and shrieked I was a hillbilly from Possum Holler, New England and dang proud of it and he led the place in clapping.. I took a deep breathe and called him. I let all these things flow over me and toward him. I tried, I wanted be angry also, force it all my way, tell him what selfish sob he was, how dare he blah blah……I told him I respected him very much, I was sorry I walked out of the coffee shop and I got why he did not want that male roomate here (who by the way is a family friend and in no way interested in anything to do with me physically) but I was scared and frightened of losing my house. He mumbled something like I know you were upset when you walked out. He then said he never said no (oh yeah he did, BIG TIME, but I let that go) and he asked “well did he come up to see the room?” I said “no” because you said no and I did not feel the conflict was resolved. Again he protested but I heard a pleased grunt in the background (in case your are wondering I do not speak fluent grunt but was married for 18 years so I picked up a lot of the lingo). I held my breathe wanting to talk. He is the king of long silences (probably defends his crown in a graveyard) Then he said “well I know it is hard…you need the money.” I said he would only be here five days a week and he does not mind sleeping in the basement”. (Its finished) Before this is decided would you like to meet him? I got a big yes. The conversation went on to other stuff, he asked if I needed groceries and if the furnace was okay and then he said he sent me some artistic guidelines I needed to use. Business practices and use of time, maintaining my sketch book etc. I still don’t really get why he got so freaked out, it seems like the reassurances I gave him were ones that would only work on a woman and he needed something different.

  127.  #128Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    LG, thank you so much for the encouragement and discussion around this. I really appreciate it! 🙂

  128.  #129Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    I feel discriminated against and that feels infuriating. When i was little we didn’t have sayings or separate games for boys and girls and I was tomboyish anyways which was cool. Then I felt awful when I first moved to us and was ridiculed for liking ninja turtles cuz ‘they were for boys, . I still feel very triggered by that it felt real painful to me.

  129.  #130Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    I feel confused and bad reading Loneplum laughing at my trigger. Actually I feel angry.

    I am feeling triggered.

  130.  #131nanceen on April 2, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    queen bee could be a bit of overfunctioning. You dont need to do research. Was it more than a line or two? Honestly most guys are happy with “you look great in royal blue or something like that”.

    A man thanks you for you granting him your time and again for just being you. Its your due right.

    Stay busy and you won’t even notice or feel too much him not calling…him thanking you is great, just gush back “I had a great time, the music made me feel good!!! Just one line is fine.

    Was it the first date? If he never calls back, should not be more than a twinge for you. That would mean he liked you enough to take you out, had a good time but doesnt want to go further. Its not a big deal, just another jewel in your crown. Keep collecting.

  131.  #132Lilybelle on April 2, 2011 at 6:18 pm


    Yes, Yes, I will!

    Right from the start. Effective now. 🙂

  132.  #133nanceen on April 2, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I ignore astrology completely. Focus on who you are.

    Seriously after someone did a chart for my sis that died a year later, I think it is total bs. And nothing, absolutely NOTHING came true in mine over a 25 year span.

    This blog is really about relationships and we should not veer off into astrology.

    If you disagree, please address it to Rori, I will not repeat this neither will I argue with anyone about it nor address it again. Thanks

  133.  #134nanceen on April 2, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Daria your triggers are real and I take them seriously. I dont laugh at them.

    Triggers get squeezed to work…keep breathing and visualize them relaxing..

  134.  #135Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 6:23 pm

    Daria – thank you for responding. I feel heard and cared for in Siren land.

    Please allow me to process one more time then I’m done. Thing is –

    – he did not want to wear the ‘normal’ tux etc that is why he was asking my advice.
    – I actually DID know the answer.
    – In terms of effort, on a scale of 1 to 10 it was a 2 (I’m methodical – is that anything to worry about?)

    It’s not that I EXPECT him to thank me. It is just that since this email he has stopped communication with me. He has never been rude or ignored me before….
    In the email before I sent the response he said how ‘sweet’ it was that I was helping him to find an outfit. And then after I gave the answer – HOUDINI!!!

    What the H3**! Perhaps this is not even the issue. Who knows ?

    I just tried to hide him. It doesn’t work. It’s not that I am looking for him online. It just comes up. I’ve kept myself invisible for days because I feel like grabbing him and bashing him against the wall if he is ignoring me and I have no idea why. And I also feel like close and tender with him as usual. I don’t want to lose him – not yet, not now anyway. I feel like crying….

  135.  #136nanceen on April 2, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    Fem woman, how is your dad?

  136.  #137Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    127: nanceen says:

  137.  #138Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    I notice I feel uncomfortable sonetimes when I see someone feeling upset over something that doesn’t upset me. I judge them as weak or ‘too sensitive’ or immature or pulling on my energy-manipulative or emotionally unhealthy or immature

    I feel detached and better than and

    Have made fun of or dismissed their feelings

    I do this often in my head.

    So I feel triggered to see what I think is that happening to me. I feel angry and judge the person as cold insensitive or inconsiderate or unattentive because I do it too and judge myself as those things.

  138.  #139Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    @129: Daria says:
    “…Then I felt awful when I first moved to us and was ridiculed for liking ninja turtles cuz ‘they were for boys…”

    I am surprised that you did not like toys divided into feminine and masculine category.

    I didn’t have the girl/boy division quite so much. I had Lincoln logs, chemistry sets… guns! OK, we were Republicans in the Midwest in the Eisenhower era, we all had guns… 😀

    My parents usually bought me the same things as my brother but in addition I got dolls too…

    They didn’t get him any dolls… LOL 😆 so guess that was the division… however he compensated by “playing” with my dolls anyway only his play was pretty much to dissect them… 😆

    Lot of that toy stuff depends on the parents.


  139.  #140Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Queenbee – crying is a great way to feel my feelings. I encourage you to cry

  140.  #141Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    @135: Queenbee says:
    “… he did not want to wear the ‘normal’ tux etc that is why he was asking my advice.
    – he said how ‘sweet’ it was that I was helping him to find an outfit. …”

    I’m curious. What kind of outfit was this and why did he not want to wear a normal dinner jacket or whatever it was that was appropriate? Was this something to “test” you? Weird, I don’t wish to cast negative glance but this is strange, don’t you think? … a little?


  141.  #142Darling Ella on April 2, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Queenbee # 135:

    Hmm…u situation reminds me of something I encountered with some men…where they give u a “bone to chew on”…

    In this situation, it’s likely he was making his exit smooth…they really know if they want to see u again…and this case i am 95 % certain he was not planning to see u again…and yet, some (usually narcissistic types) give u a task…and now, poor u…think that maybe u failed at it…

    Darling, he’s just not that into u…:( Big warm hugs,

  142.  #143Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Thanks Nanceen!

    Correction – And I also feel like being close and tender with him as usual.

    No it was not the first date. He’s been pursuing me for a year and we have been dating since December.

    Yeah, I see how it could be over-functioning. I guess I confused over-functioning and carrying the ball, which is leaning forward/ pursuing.

    Perhaps the right answer could have been – ‘It feels good to be appreciated for my fashion sense and no I don’t want to help you with your outfit’. What do you think?

    Then be surprised? 🙂

    Lol, this feels funny (hilarious). I feel powerful.

    I definitely enjoyed looking at the Spring/Summer 2011 Armani collection both the men’s and women’s and the men’s underwear as well. That felt rather shocking but fun 🙂

    I made up my mind that it is too bad. If such a trivial issue can create this disconnect then…. I don’t know…. but either way, I felt happy with my answer to him whether he appreciates it or not. And I wouldn’t change a thing, except perhaps have tried the above response and see what would have happened – LOL!!!

    I guess I did feel obliged to help him (1 out of 10) coz I would have helped out a friend. I feel amazing around him and it matters to me to be there for people I care about. It feels good to help out when I’m asked and I don’t want to shut down and say that I don’t care about the situation or what I’m feeling coz it’s gone in some totally weird direction.

    I feel compassion for myself….

  143.  #144Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Yeah I did get dolls too and that was the division 🙂

    Nanceen Rori supports and has interviewed Carol Allen and I think has also guest hosted her in a program. She is the astrologer and coach the ladies are finding their info from.

    I sometimes feel intrigued by astrology but I don’t believe anything that feels bad… Which rearranges the planets and universe for me however I want it 🙂

    It’s felt really liberating to stop focusing on my sign for the past few years… I’m now bringing it back into my awareness after the soul summit carol Allen interview I half listened to,

    But in a different more empowering feeling way.

  144.  #145luzydel on April 2, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    Can you feel very excited about someone to feeling Blah? I am starting to feel blah about “D”…he is not really that smart, he is not really that attractive, he is not really that much of a gentle man…why did I liked him? was I desperate?

    I think I was liking the idea I made of him…

  145.  #146Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Queenbee and Darling Ella – he’s just not into me feels horrible!

    Men disappear ALL THE TIME!

    Then they come back!

    Were not to pay attention to that, just let them flow in and out our lives like a river.

    And feel our feelings . If they contact them, we can express how we feel (how we feel in the moment)

  146.  #147Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Daria, thank you for your response to Nanceen’s astrology post. I appreciate what you wrote.

  147.  #148Daria on April 2, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    Luzydel – excellent!!!

    That’s what Roribsays will happen when were expressing boundaries and working the tools… With a man who doesn’t step up… We’ll just start feeling bored!

  148.  #149Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    Thank you SLV, Daria, Darling Ella,

    SLV #141 – The wedding is in Europe where we do not live anymore. So he did not want to wear the ‘usual’. He was considering a cultural theme and asked me and also that would be okay in cold weather. He also wanted to get something new – so nothing from his closet.

    So we were looking at what would be trendy, for a wedding, cold weather and also drawing on Western and ‘cultural’ themes. So I gave it some thought and gave him an answer. It seemed pretty straightforward.

    I don’t know. I feel bad but I will be ok.

  149.  #150kaitlyn on April 2, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Men suck. I decided.

  150.  #151luzydel on April 2, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    @ Daria

    Sometimes I use The “he is not that into me” label to be able to move on. It is ok if a guy is not that into me, but it is NOT ok if he keep stringing me along.

    I think we have to feel secure when a man we like is not that into us. Why would someone want a man who was rude and ‘disappeared’ back? I wouldn’t. That is why I cannot be open when they returned, the damaged is done for me.

  151.  #152Daria on April 2, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Queen bee – if this wasn’t a first date and he asked you outside of chat conversation for help… Its not traininguri much to do… It could just be ‘giving back’ especially if hes been helpful to you before

    If hes been dating you since December and has just now not contacted… This is very common .

    Men do that, they come and go.

    Our task is not to focus on them when they aren’t around.

  152.  #153Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Luzydel, I feel open when a man returns – I *want* a man who is able to grow and change – and returning indicates possible growth and change and coming to his senses. 🙂

  153.  #154Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    RE 143 Queenbee do you think he felt this “I guess I did feel obliged to help him (1 out of 10) coz I would have helped out a friend” in your vibe and “friend zoned” you in his mind or maybe saw you as his mother? Rori spoke abot that in another article. Also the obliged feeling he might have not yet figured out how to “pay” you back as is waiting for an opportunity. Maybe?

  154.  #155Daria on April 2, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    Trainingurl = really

    It’s not really such a big thing to do. I might do it for one of my dates if he asks and he usually gives to me

  155.  #156Darling Ella on April 2, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    Oh Daria,

    How I love your loving free spirit 🙂 Without u, often times…I would send them all to Hell!!!

    Thank you 🙂 Warm hugs,

  156.  #157Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    Thanks Daria #146. That is exactly it!!

    And I see this is exactly what I’m supposed to be practicing. Oh no!! It’s the INVITATION!!! I feel scared and excited and the same time.

    Luzydel #145, Daria #148 – that’s why I’m realizing with the leaning back/ not pursuing. You totally get to see the guy how he REALLY is and if he doesn’t step up you get bored and someone else takes his place.

  157.  #158Daria on April 2, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Luzydel – if when he does return, you feel happy then good

    If you still feel angry or concerned, that can be expressed.

    If you’re so happy and busy that you don’t notice when he ‘disappeared’ then it’s likely to be the first

    Of course, it depends. If I’ve been sleeping with a man, and he doesn’t contact me, I’d likely feel upset

  158.  #159T-Girl on April 2, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    I have had that happen when a man returns, but I have it in my head the reason they disappear in the first place is because they found someone better (or thought so anyway). How do we welcome them back with open arms when they return with the knowledge that I was second, or third choice?

  159.  #160luzydel on April 2, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    @ Lucy

    I still have issues with that, Once guy once call me at work after he disappeared and I acted so cold that he never called again. I just can’t right now and what if the come back for a consolation price? and not because they matured. I get suspicious when a man that suddenly disappeared returns.

    I know I will learn to open up, I am learning to use other tools eventually I will let some of them back in. I am not that forgiving right now.

  160.  #161Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    T-Girl I feel if I was insignificant why would he return? His return puts the power to negotiate what I want back into my hands. So now he has to qualify himself.

  161.  #162Daria on April 2, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Darling Ella – love you also.

    It’s not about them, it’s about Me.

    I want to believe what feels good. I believe all men are into me lol.

    They have ‘their stuff’ which might interfere.

    But I am a magnet to all men.

  162.  #163Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Re 160 How are you with forgiving yourself?

  163.  #164Daria on April 2, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    T – girl – that’s your stuff. Insecurity and making up stories about someone else being better. This has cOme up for me also.

    Practice feeling the feelings. Remind yourself you’re a gift. There is no competition. You are the pie. You are amazing.

  164.  #165Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    RE #154 Goddess – my ‘obliged feeling’ I believe was more along the lines of what Daria says #152 about ‘giving back’. He gives to me like crazy. When he asked it was like he had thought about asking me and then brought it up. It was not like a random request. And I feel he would not have asked me if he did not feel comfortable about ‘us’. He never asks me for anything ever.

    @ Luzydel #151, Daria #152 – Luzydel that would be my normal way of being. To reject a man when he came back. I really feel Daria has a point. I would like to be an open invitation when a man returns. That would feel new to me.

  165.  #166Laughing Goddess on April 2, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Lucy: that’s great new because you are almost in the last third of the cycle which is way less oppressive.

    I have some info that explains the different thirds that I’ll try to find in the next few days.

    Saturn cycles are great because they bring change and evolution!

  166.  #167Darling Ella on April 2, 2011 at 7:25 pm


    I had a few men return…there is usually a two months threshold till they do…

    One, I embarrassed so hard…he was so mad at me…i was literally afraid of him…lol

    And u know what? Men know when they mess up….two months later, he was desperately looking to talk to me…so, he posted on yahoo personals as his motto “Looking to find Ella….” I was fricking panicky…I thought he might have had a disease or something…lol

    I contacted him sooo cold…what do u want type of thing…omg…he immediately asked to see me, there is something he wants to talk to me about…etc…give him a chance …i refused…he called again…etc…

    He came to the date with a rose, wonderful romantic dinner, his heart all spelled out…geez…i was not ready to accept him at that time though…i asked him for time…and he went on a ramp page of jealousy…

    So, my point, when a man knows u are the one…he will sure know what he needs to do to get your attention…

    A few past experiences, I feel grateful for because it did give me the exclusive experience of being “all that” to a man…I just wasn’t open enough to it…

    Warm hugs,

  167.  #168nanceen on April 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    I asked for respect on this blog and I feel my face and my sisters was slapped. I did not put anyone down. Reread what I said in #133 and who to address your comments to.

  168.  #169Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    RE #153 Lucy, I love that! That is exactly where I want to be and how I want to experience it.

    #151 Luzydel, the ‘he’s just not into me’ line is part of the seeking closure that Rori says is not helpful for us.

    #158 Daria, lol. I have been sleeping with him lately… practicing 🙂 I don’t feel upset. It felt amazing when we did and I would not change a thing. I guess perhaps why I don’t feel upset. I still feel good about how we slept together. I had been celibate a long time and I wanted to do it. I couldn’t have picked a better, more attentive man. At least for what I know about him so far.

    Now if the guy was TOXIC and I had been ignoring my feelings, I would definitely feel upset but more so because I had failed to take care of myself/ my feelings.

  169.  #170Queenbee on April 2, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    #139 SLV – lol, yes me too! My brothers cut my doll’s hands and legs off saying they were making them shorts and a t-shirt. Still makes me laugh to this day 🙂 🙂 At the time I felt livid and cried uncontrollably 🙂

  170.  #171Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    @169: Queenbee says:
    “…#151 Luzydel, the ‘he’s just not into me’ line is part of the seeking closure that Rori says is not helpful for us…”

    Sometimes guys just disappear or say “no” and in their minds “might not be into us.” I believe the seeking closure is more often “trying to find out why” or “fixing the problem” or “getting him back.”


  171.  #172Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    @170: Queenbee says:
    “…#139 SLV – lol, yes me too! My brothers cut my doll’s hands and legs off saying they were making them shorts and a t-shirt. Still makes me laugh to this day At the time I felt livid and cried uncontrollably …”

    My brother took off my doll’s head to find out how it made the “mama” sound when it was tilted. He couldn’t get it back on. Nobody could. LOL 😆


  172.  #173Lucy on April 2, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    T-girl, I never tell myself a story that I was “second or third choice,” so that’s not even an issue.

  173.  #174Daria on April 2, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Nanceen – yes you said you weren’t going to argue about it. That’s cool with me.

    Also u said you think astrology shouldn’t be discussed here while other women were discussing it which I felt bad reading. I would feel disrespected if I was discussing astrology.

    I also feel triggered when people ask me to do things that I don’t want to do… Like to not reply. I feel controlled when that happens.

    If I want to reply I will and I don’t want to be told what to do.

  174.  #175Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Oh well – I’m back home. Said no and ended up paying for my cab lol.

  175.  #176Imallthat on April 2, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    I am fine with the discussion of Carol Allen’s cycle of Saturn astrological talk because it affects relationship success or failure. I don’t feel my face slapped and I believe no one should control what is discussed here if Rori does not object. Rori and Carol both are relationship experts.

  176.  #177life_is_too_short_to... on April 2, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    random thoughts…..

    If it’s about me, not them, then what is all this stuff about my wants and don’t wants. Likes and dislikes.
    Their behaviors. Stepping up. Attraction. how long to wait to have sex. etc. It all makes my head spin!!

    Feelings seem to be more useful as a barometer of interactions with others, and guidelines as to how to respond in the most compassionate ways. If a button gets pushed in me, then there is a “hook” that I need to look at, or a boundary that I was unclear about with myself.

    It is possible that I can feel good no matter what is going on! That is why, ultimately, I find all the labels of relationships, e.g, committed, fwb, exclusive, monogamous, etc., of no real use, actually a hindrance. It puts limiting restrictions in place. You will know what it is. without labels.

    In fact, I am beginning to think, that it’s probably better, esp at my age, to start with no strings attached, or fwb, and let things take their course, keep my options open. Why do I need to have my value proved? Why does my degree of difficulty have to be high?

    I don’t have to have a high degree of difficulty in order not to be a needy person.

    I am feeling that when I stick to things like having the need to know that the man is off the dating sites before we can be or remain physical, is putting a condition on it that may work against a pure process of really getting to know each other. But I go back and forth on that, and a lot of other things!
    you may have noticed 😉

    When I feel that I have to have my value proved, that feels icky. Like a business contract. In a way, that just seems very much like giving away my power!!

    I did feel a loss of my power when I said that I would not want to continue being physical without an agreement of monogamy! I absolutely did!
    Again, about needing “proof”.

    How a man “treats” me should have no bearing whatsoever on my self-esteem. Of course, I am not talking about out and out abuse. But really, why do I need a man to make me feel safe, secure and loved? This sounds a lot like co-dependency to me.

    People are complicated. If you know that they want to be the best human being they can be, then that is worth gold, not focusing on the mistakes they make along the way.

    I’m more into assisting each other to become the best human beings we can be, evolving, than feeling safe, secure and loved by someone. Already feeling safe, secure and loved within myself is a pre-condition for that. It’s not the man that is making me feel that, it is me. If it is not mirrored by anyone, there is still some sense of unworthiness somewhere in me.

    I will say that I do want one man to commit to doing this with me and me with him, forever, because it is a symbolism of each other’s commitment to devotion to the Divine.

    I do like practicing non-violent communication.

    love to all

  177.  #178Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Hi, everyone! Nanceen came back for a visit? Hi, Nanceen…and SLV and Lucy and everyone. I hope all is well and you all sound good – Hi, Daria, too!

    I made a new post and I’m going to copy it here because it has this interesting “ings” thing about men…and I think it totally applies to some of us who meet men who are divorcing, grieving….etc.

    And just wondering how everyone is – been off in the land of the occult at tarot.com and wow, forums are always contentuous. Some girl asked me if I was a liar or just forgetful (kind of like stupid…) because I mentioned my blog last SEPTEMBER…yep, in 2010!!! and I’d said I didn’t mention it there. Wow, bet she had to work all day to find that.

    makes me appreciate the “I don’t want” format!!


  178.  #179Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Last week, the gracious and lovely Dr. Gilda Carle, whom you can find at Dr. Gilda.com, sent me a gift copy of her re-released book: Don’t Bet on the Prince! How to Have the Man You Want by Betting on Yourself.

    Frogs and fairy tales have been all around me lately, so it was a timely gift. And then I re framed the title. Would I, indeed, bet on myself? As in horse racing – win, place, show? And if I won’t bet on myself, who will?

    So often we abdicate power, abdicate responsibility the minute an all knowing (well, we wish anyway) MAN walks into our life. Dr. Gilda jokes about marrying to get help with her 30,000 mile tuneup but it’s a joke that has more than a hint of regret in the laughter. For myself, I attended 3 years of Home Depot cross training to be the store specialist. A month of CAD drafting for kitchen design, doors and windows school and framing, flooring, paint, decor, even plumbing and lighting.

    And I still didn’t stand over my boyfriend and watch….while he painted the quarter round on the white wall yellow. When he put the screen door low enough to leave a 1/2″ gap at the top for mosquitoes to come in, when my oil was filthy and a quart low, but really in his opinion it was fine for running around town. Oh, yeah, abdicate much?!

    It’s far too easy and seductive to let someone else make our decisions for us, because then – when they don’t turn out, when the gasket heads blow on our overheated car – it’s not our fault. It’s their fault! (Can you hear the band striking up?!)

    We forget we now have to buy a new car, when all along common sense was nudging us to change the dang oil!

    Little girls are indoctrinated and it’s time to let that fairy tale go. No one’s really going to rescue us, just as no person can be all things to us. And Dr. Gilda has a lot to say on that subject.

    The first half of her book focuses on distinguishing between our needs and our wants. She says, “When we project our deserve level as a matter of want rather than need, it shows both personally and professionally. As human beings we primarily need to survive, so our most essential requirements are our 1. physiological and 2. security needs. In other words, we must feel that we are fed, clothed, protected from bodily harm, and safely earning enough to sustain us.”

    The next categories climb the ladder into love and belonging, feeling good about our status (self esteem) and feeling good about our goals and dreams (self-actualization).

    This brings us to a fascinating feature throughout the book – a “Gilda-gram” – separated and boxed sound bites of wisdom, perhaps the best of the best – and this one says:

    A man in the “ing” position – divorcing, separating, grieving – is at his two lowest needs levels: physiological and security. While struggling for his survival he is unable to rise to the third needs of love.

    Ding!!! Ding!! Are bells ringing here?

    How many times have we willingly assented to help our man climb out of that long dark hole or well he’s fallen into? When he charmingly assures us it’s us he needs, it’s our light that shines to motivate him? I actually had a man say this to me when I was 15 years old….he couldn’t do it without me.

    Or, he couldn’t do it at all? Because a man who can’t make it to the third need level is a man who is most likely incapable of love and definitely incapable of taking care of someone else’s needs!

    And herein lies the concept of the Prince – the man worthy of our time, affection and attention. Do we just give it to the man who shows up in front of us, who picks up the dinner check, who “needs” us so badly?

    Or do we choose our goals, and figure out what a man who would have complementary values and goals would look like in the world. He might own a car! a house! have a job!

    And even then – he might still not figure out you don’t put yellow baseboard on a white wall.

    So – when, or if, we abdicate our Pricess into Queendom, we also abdicate our ability to have what we want. If you ever want to be in a place where you’d feel good, even if the odds are 50 to 1, about betting on yourself, the place to start is by developing your belief in yourself and your personal power.

    If we find ourselves before we find our Prince, that may be the only shot we get at Happily Ever After.

    And there’ll be more to come from Dr. Gilda on the how and why fores…but for now – just something to consider if you’re sitting home alone dreaming of a knight in shining armour. Who, by the way, will want to use your long blonde hair to pull himself up out of that well!

    Orange blossom’s essences in springtime air,


  179.  #180Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    What I like – is when we’ve had enough, we can call a time out, or do a walk away, and I have always appreciated it when I’ve requested no contact here and it’s been respected…until I’ve worked through my issues and am actually missing that person.


  180.  #181Imallthat on April 2, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    “But really, why do I need a man to make me feel safe, secure and loved?”

    If you don’t you don’t for me it is about personal choice. I can find safety, security and love in other places outside a man. “Needing” those things from one particular man to me feels limiting and at times demanding.

  181.  #182Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Life is too short to – your thoughts kind of echo my post, or vice versa. Very interesting, and yes, it probably is all about our self esteem. I too find things work out best if I just wing it off the cuff – like any rules I make up I make them up on the spot for just that one situation….

    but then I worry that I don’t meet the cream of the crop men this way. Even when my guy treats me like a Princess.

    I think the at this age comment is true – at this age, I’ve had almost every kind of relationship there is and enjoyed parts of all of them, so it feels good to be free to just act in whatever way I want….and to know I am strong enough and capable enough to change my mind when and if….

    I feel like I can not only bet on myself, but I can count on myself!

  182.  #183life_is_too_short_to... on April 2, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    182 Jacqueline
    I had the same exact thought of my post echoing your post. Yes, I do worry about not meeting the cream of the crop men this way, but not so much if I don’t limit myself to one man until it is a sure thing. I am not limiting myself that way, even if there is a chance of “losing” someone. I figure, it’s all grist for the mill.

  183.  #184Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    By all my friend’s criteria, my guy is cream of the crop. I think in a way we never quit with the is the grass greener? thinking – or you know me enough to know I love an adventure. But peacefulness is nice, I’m finding. And really, honestly, I’ve always figured whoever I’m “supposed” to get to know….will show up in front of my face.

    I did however just last nite tell my guy, you know I didn’t marry you don’t you? this isn’t for better or for worse…so you’d better get to the making it better part quickly!

    lol….who knows, and who defines quality control for men, anyway?? haha

  184.  #185life_is_too_short_to... on April 2, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Jacqueline wrote:
    “I think the at this age comment is true – at this age, I’ve had almost every kind of relationship there is and enjoyed parts of all of them, so it feels good to be free to just act in whatever way I want….and to know I am strong enough and capable enough to change my mind when and if….

    I feel like I can not only bet on myself, but I can count on myself!”


  185.  #186life_is_too_short_to... on April 2, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    “I did however just last nite tell my guy, you know I didn’t marry you don’t you? this isn’t for better or for worse…so you’d better get to the making it better part quickly!”

    I don’t understand what you mean by this.

    “lol….who knows, and who defines quality control for men, anyway?? haha”


  186.  #187kaitlyn on April 2, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    I’m dressed and made up to the nines right now at an event with my friends. I’m trying to feel open, warm, and ‘all that,’ but what I really feel right now is anger.

    Angry at what, you ask? Same sh*t, different day aka Adam and why it’s my fault I didn’t feel secure in the relationship, though he was the one who initiated everything, but he was the one who waited until 2pm to call and wish me Merry Christmas while he was away. The more I read RR, CC, and JG, the more I feel like a failure for being bothered by it- ‘cuz men and women are so different and I shouldn’t rely on men to get my emotional needs met.’

    But how selfish or just socially stupid as a man are you to not know your girl (whom you begged to be your gf pretty damn quickly) bakes gingerbread houses and every time you’ve called her she’s said she’s talking to you while Christmas decorating. Yes, it’s stupid that she’s an Atheist who LOVES Christmas, but if you cared, you’d know it’d mean a great deal of joy to her to receive your call early Christmas morning. Not 2pm when you’ve shuffled her off as last priority because your career is so important. Yes, your career is important and you’re the most brilliant man I’ve met (and deviant, yum), but screw you for making me feel like I’m not AS important.

    Sirens, see the 2 dichotomous thoughts I’m weighing here?

    Sure, I’ve learned closure is crap, leaning back draws them in, the power of being a modern Siren, but THIS PLACE MAKES ME NOT KNOW HOW I SHOULD FEEL.


    Yes, I typed all this on an iphone.

  187.  #188life_is_too_short_to... on April 2, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    Yup, I also figure, whoever I’m supposed to get to know will show up in front of my face.

  188.  #189Alonka on April 2, 2011 at 8:50 pm


    Just recently I started hearing from you that he did smth that you didn’t like – before that it was all your fault that you are not together. Are you scared of the thought/feeling that it was not all your fault? If oyu are, oyu are not alone, I felt this way too and I know it’s very painful. Much more comforting to believe that you broke his heart. In my case it was only part that and a huge part something else and a bit of him not caring enough about me. Yes, he couldn’t love me back. He didn’t love me back. He gave me what coaches say ‘he could’. So with what ‘he could’ give the relationship couldn’t survive. That’s all there’s to it.

    Yes I sometimes don’t know how I’m supposed to feel here too, but on the other hand, deep down I know.

    I’m amazed at you that you’re upset you still care about him after 2 months (just read it on the prior thread). I’d say it’s a very healthy feeling. For me it’s been 2 years and I’m still not cured.

  189.  #190Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    the I didn’t marry you part meaning I do NOT take your sh*t for better or worse…so I want the better part and will not put up with the worst part.

    He’s been out of work – well working contract construction jobs…and it’s working my nerves big time. However, he has a referral and another possibility – just telling him I don’t have to put up with insufficient or erratic income because I didn’t marry him – so he needed to make the effort and not slack even a little to make a solid job that will take both of our stresses away happen.

    and he was good with it- actually a very good discussion. haha…the upside to the girlfriend trap!


  190.  #191LonePlum on April 2, 2011 at 9:04 pm

    139: Senior Lady Vibe

    reminds me home 🙂
    I was 6 years old when my mother died and it was around Xmas. And it was in a foreign country. We did not have a country of our own, which is not such a special situation. Millions people lose their country. Such is the history of Earth. We grew up traveling.

    My father, poor man, I suppose his head was not into Xmas spirit, he bought each of us a car toy the Xmas my mother died.
    From then on I got to be dressed as a boy, my hair cut as a boy, etc… I was the only girl in this group of age, so he would take us all together to buy and do the same thing. Until he got married and his wife told him I might be a girl, after all, so I was allowed to keep some hair lol

    I got my first doll I was 12 years old. It was a barbie. It was too late, but I kept her like my own life. She now lives with my daughter 🙂
    Actually I got my first doll from my mother who also made its cloths and I kept the doll and the cloths too. But I mean between age 6 when she died and age 12 when he married another woman, I was not allowed dolls or anything girly.

    He sincerely believed in equality, he did not realize he was killing my soul. He really meant good, poor Papa.
    He forgot to ask scientists about hormones and all that. He thought all it takes is to stop war toys for boys and dolls for girls and we would all be equals and pacifist. Lol He wanted me to be strong and smart like a man. He did not know a real woman could be strong and smart. He thought I had to think and feel like a man to be free. But, what he really meant with all this, was to keep me safe in this world. Bless him.

    My brothers were bought Legos, and I was allowed to play with it for a while. What my father had not foresighted is that my brothers knew I was a girl and they would not play with a girl looooool That is funny, so so funny. He broke my soul to protect me from the outside but he never could do a thing about how his own men were treating me inside his own home. He could not impose equality and peace.
    I was bought my own boxes of Lego to solve the problem. But I was sharing the same bed room so playing was a bit difficult for me.
    First the age dominated and I was second to the last born. The two older brothers were the kings in our room.
    Then the gender dominated and I was a girl.
    Then I was the only girl lol
    So, you know, I would be accepting crumbs more than really playing.

    Anyway, I never heard that Lego was for boys only. In none of the country I have been in. Or that girls don’t make noise with their behind either lol

    The song is about a cartoon character, a little boy, who has immature ideas on life and girls. Well, of course, since he is a child lol Adults hear it and laugh because it is so obviously not true.

    I did hear, though, in real life, that dolls are not for boys. My father, of course, and later just about in all countries I went to. At some stage, around the 80’s, it was fashionable to offer dolls to little boys. But it did not spread real well.
    I remember an 8 years old boy playing with my daughter’s dolls in our patio, in Mexico. His 5 years old sister shouted “You can’t play with dolls , you are a boy!”
    I said “well and how is he going to learn to be a daddy? You are allowed to get trained but not him?”
    She stared at me, speechless. He smiled at me and went on playing with my daughter.

    He did not care for dolls, though, he was caring for my daughter who was playing with dolls at that moment.
    It is true that I have not seen boys really playing with dolls like girls do.


  191.  #192life_is_too_short_to... on April 2, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    Thanks for explaining that, Jacqueline.
    The one I’m getting to know has a steady job. It seems he is deadly serious and committed to overcoming character flaws that caused him problems in the past. My concern is, is this another one of my fixer-uppers? But I feel like i am also getting to overcome my own character flaws by interacting with him, so maybe it’s not useful to look at it as making the same mistake, the rescuing thing. This has a different feel to it. He is really unlike anyone I have ever met. He has very much stirred my creativity and enthusiasm, has great faith in me, and pays attention, remembers things, interested in getting to know me as a person better. He may be somewhat of an opportunist in certain respects. But maybe we all are, to a certain extent, and I don’t want to “keep score” in that way.
    I think we both have some caution around emotional intimacy, so perhaps we are assisting each other with that, too. I want to be aware, but not jaded or cynical.

  192.  #193Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Life – I agree, I want my heart to be open, but my eyes too. I don’t have any intention of losing what I’ve earned to poor decisions! Your guy sounds intriguing, love to hear more.

    I’m happy for you!!

  193.  #194Jacqueline on April 2, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Hilda, I copied that to Rori so she should answer you, please don’t do the black mark on the web thing without giving her a chance to!


  194.  #195sweetmandm on April 2, 2011 at 10:09 pm

    Nanceen, That sounded like a productive conversation. I am glad you sound like you are feeling better about things. I think it is a good thing that you asked him if he would like to meet the guy, (renter) since he does seem to be looking out for you, helping you, taking care. 🙂


  195.  #196Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    Just got home from 2nd date with BlueEyes (his new name for here). I feel weird. I am struggling with dating new men right now since I am in love with someone else. It feels uncomfortable to be around other men. It’s not that I didn’t have a good time. I did. He is nice, sweet, pays for everything, handsome, a dad, we have easy conversation…

    Just feels weird. And why the heck is it so hard for me to allow men to pay for me? I felt guilty not offering to help pay. I was so aware of it and FORCED myself to just sit back, smile and say thank you. It blew me away how ackward it felt.

    I hope this gets easier for me and more comfortable. I really want a great relationship in my life. I just have come to dislike the uncomfortable feelings of starting over every few years looking again. I feel so sad. I just want it to work with JJ.

    (sigh) So many feelings right now.

    I am proud of myself for pushing forward and taking steps to make my life different.

  196.  #197Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    So… here is what I notice about myself after my date tonight.

    I talk too much when I am nervous.
    I do jump in to fill silence with questions to him.
    I feel guilty having a man pay for me all night.
    I feel guilty for comparing men in my mind while on a date.
    I feel good that someone paid for me. It felt really good.
    I feel happy that someone took me on a date.
    I feel good dating someone who has kids. (a first for me) I am a parent too. Its a whole new level of relating. It feels good and comfortable.
    I feel like I am cheating.
    I feel afraid.
    I feel like crying.
    My goodness I feel sad.

    I notice that I avoided my feelings for most of the date and stayed in busyness.


  197.  #198sweetmandm on April 2, 2011 at 10:51 pm

    Hi Angel Lady- I hear that you accomplished a lot tonight. Yay for you!! 😉 A lot going on there, a lot to work with and a lot to be proud of!

    Sounds like it was a nice date, really!


  198.  #199Angel Lady on April 2, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    Sweetm- thanks for your acknowledgement. It feels good. It was a nice date. It really was. I think that’s why I feel kinda bad about all these weird feelings. And of course… JJ called a few minutes ago. I didn’t pick up. I am not feeling like talking to him. I don’t want him to ask what I did tonight cause i am not ready for that conversation. I know I need to be honest and I don’t anticiapte it going over well.

    I am proud. and it felt really good to be treated so well. And BlueEyes seems like a really great guy so far. It’s nice to be getting to know someone who is a nice guy. He is totally a family man. And that’s what I say I want.

    I don’t feel ready for all this, but hey! That’s one thing my experience and being a parent has taught me.. Have all the feelings you want, but choose actions based on what you are committed to having in life.

    I really appreciate your comment. More than you know.


  199.  #200Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    Queenbee – I wouldn’t be upset sleeping with a man if it felt good. But I Would feel upset if the man I was sleeping with did not contact me for a long time…

    Just noticing that I would feel that way. I want a dependable lover.

  200.  #201Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Queenbee – I wouldn’t be upset sleeping with a man if it felt good. But I Would feel upset if the man I was sleeping with did not contact me for a long time…

    Just noticing that I would feel that way. I want a dependable lover.


    I feel bad now that nanceen felt bad. 🙁

    I felt triggered and felt numb and distant and defensive and ‘cold’

    I could say… Whoa I feel really shocked and surprised reading that… I feel bad that you feel bad… And I also feel blamed… I feel angry and defensive

  201.  #202Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    Thank you Daria for putting lipgloss on for me.

    Thank you for ordering what I wanted at the restaurant.

    Thank you for stopping when I was full.

    Thank you for showering.

    Thank you for switching socks.

    Thank you for asking to use the phone .

    Thank you for wearing earrings.

    Thank you for sharing passionately and lovingly about your life.

    Thank you for doing Finger EFT.

    Thank you for taking me skiing!

    Thank you for doing Mental EFT on slope.

    Thank you for eating afterwards.

  202.  #203Daria on April 2, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    Thank you for sharing about Roris blog and your passion.

    Thank you for leaning back with people so I can feel good and of value.

    Thank you for making sure I was hydrated.

    I am feeling tired and it feels good.

    I feel validated.. I talked to a younger friend about my life and desires and I felt understood and supported!

    That felt really awsone.

    I didn’t get in to apologizing or deprecating my life choices and beliefs.


    Babysteps are filling in 🙂

    Thank you Daria for asking to have the phone charged.

    Thank you for expressing your boundaries with the texting men today.

    I felt amazed when they stepped up! 🙂

    I love Daria !

  203.  #204Daria on April 3, 2011 at 12:00 am

    Daria I love you.

  204.  #205Brenda on April 3, 2011 at 12:07 am


  205.  #206Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 12:24 am

    Little update on something from the previous thread.

    FluteMan (online contact, few emails, 1 phone call) texted yesterday asking why I hadn’t been in touch since his call last weekend. “Just wondered if the lapse in connection between us is intentional or liminal?”

    Now, the last thing he said to me on the phone was that he would email a proposal about when and where to meet up. So I was just leaning back, assuming he would do that.

    I replied: “I feel surprised to hear that! You mentioned emailing about meeting up. I was feeling a bit put off due to not hearing back from you about that . . ”

    He apologised, but saying it was “a misinterpretation about contacting” but would still like to meet. Then he suggested talking on phone Sat. night, and meeting Sunday. Now,I had a date Saturday night and other plans for Sunday. I texted back, in a feeling messages saying I was out Sat. evening and had plans for Sunday (Mother’s Day, here, and seeing mother). I also put in a line about “My dance card seems to fill up in advance!” That was perhaps a mistake . . though I meant it to be half-apology and half-hint that if he wants to see me he has to think ahead.

    Then he texted back “Oh well, off to plough furrows new, methinks . . where the fresh soil can embrace the seed that engenders growth, grace and empathy. Farewell.”

    This is a guy who is big in “spiritual growth”, though I felt there was something I couldn’t put my finger on that was a bit fake about him after a long first phone call. In his profile there was even stuff about how he would give the woman what her sacred inner goddess had always wanted!!

    I don’t like it when there are hints of accusation this early from a man. First, a veiled accusation that I had dropped the ball of keeping the connection going. Then the hint that I had misinterpreted about what would happen after the phone call. Then the accusation that I am not able to embrace his seed (!) that engenders growth, empathy and grace.

    I don’t mind very much about his farewell, and I haven’t texted back. My funny feeling that, on the phone he was a bit too smooth and slick, and a bit fake, with pat answers . . .

    I just feel amazed and astonished . . . at him. And he says farewell because I have plans for a Saturday night when he wants to call me, and for a Sunday when he announces (on Saturday) that he wants to see me.

    I feel judgmental, and grrrrrr, and “This is not how you treat a goddess.”

    I feel glad that I knew that I didn’t even want to send an apologising text that said “oh, that feels bad to head, I didn’t mean that I don’t want to talk to you or see you.”

    I feel glad that I have just left it. Just sharing. But I can see how my comment about “My dance card/diary fills up in advance” could sound leaning forward and like me saying I have other men around as well. Which I did, last night.

    I feel relief that he has walked away and said farewell. I feel such relief!

  206.  #207Brenda on April 3, 2011 at 12:27 am


    Author: Angel Joy

    Why can’t I speak when I have so much to tell?
    Why can’t I write when I have so much in mind?
    Why can’t I sing when there’s music in my heart?
    Why can’t I dance when there’s rythm in the air?

    Too many words left unspoken
    Too many things left undone
    Why can’t it be and why can’t I?
    For all I know this pain deep inside
    Took the gladness from my heart.

    Is this the pain of missing you?
    Is this the reason behind it all?

    Hear the agony of my heart
    Longing for you and for your touch
    Feeling your lips, feeling your face
    Missing your kisses and warm embrace.

    When will the waiting ever be over?
    For as long as were apart I can never be whole
    Oh! My Dearest Love
    I just want you to know
    That my heart is aching because

  207.  #208Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 12:34 am

    I’ve been trying to sleep for two hours. 🙁 I wanted to sleep well tonight so I could go to church in the morning. Fb college guy had told me that whenever I can’t sleep I should text him. I’m considering it now, just for something to do with my non-sleeping brain. Is it leaning forward if he told me to text him?

  208.  #209Brenda on April 3, 2011 at 12:35 am

    ♥(¯`’•.¸(¯`’•.¸*♥♥*¸.•’´¯)¸. • ‘ ´¯)♥
    ♥♥.¸(¯`’•.¸(¯`’•.* .• ‘´¯)¸.• ‘´ ¯)♥♥
    ♥♥(¯`’•:. Infinite Blessings…….•’¯)♥♥
    (_¸.•’´(_¸.•’´*♥♥♥♥*`’•.¸_)`’• .¸_)…
    ♥(_¸.•’´(_¸.•’´*♥♥*`’•.¸_)`’•. ¸_)♥

  209.  #210Brenda on April 3, 2011 at 12:45 am


    If you text him, you will turn into a pumpkin .

  210.  #211Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 12:50 am

    lol. i want to sleep. 🙁 So i shouldn’t text him even though he invited me to?

  211.  #212Brenda on April 3, 2011 at 12:58 am

    Your call. You know what I would do. 🙂 Call me instead, if you prefer. 🙂

  212.  #213Brenda on April 3, 2011 at 12:59 am



    The Goddess of Overfu(cktioning!

  213.  #214Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 1:04 am

    I guess i will try to sleep again. I will sing myself a lullaby and rock me. Goodnight Brenda. Goodnight John-Boy. Goodnight Jim-Bob. Goodnight Mary-Ellen.

  214.  #215Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 3:46 am


    #214: LOL LOL LOL!!

  215.  #216Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 4:18 am

    Kaitlyn, I’m sorry if my post came out as harsh. I don’t even know you or him and whatever I say should be taken very skeptically. The reason I said that is because what you feel as expressed on this blog resonates with my feelings for someone I loved.

    Also, I should say that although my guy didn’t give me what I needed, he couldn’t completely forget me either and we reconnected several times. Maybe if at these times I were more understanding that he was not on the same page as me, i.e. more patient, the outcome would be diff. Maybe not. For so long I kept on believing that he can’t just walk away from what we had, it’s so wrong. And then his desire to push me away no matter of what got ridiculous and insulting. Almost to the point that I was amused more than hurt and couldn’t take him seriously anymore. No closure is a very good approach, but sometimes it helps to live thru the whole thing to let go of your illusions (here talking about myself again).

  216.  #217KS on April 3, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Hmmmm…..Got work calls to 2 different places me and TOXIC MAN used to go. One was the casino (our first date) and to a conference hall in a hotel we stayed at. I was upset and did not want to go…..I still cant figure out why the universe keeps putting these reminders in my face.??? It really wasnt that bad though. I realize (just like SLV said) that I have been telling myself stories about our relationship. I know we arent supposed to judge but the truth is…..I was WAY out of his league. When he left he made a mistake….a big mistake. He lost the best thing that I think he will ever have. 🙂

    BUT I still wish I knew why all these reminders……

  217.  #218nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 7:22 am

    Lor: yuk to that guy for now. And that is my professional opinion. If he does anything else weird I will upgrade him to bleccchhh. Your gut was telling you something. Does not mean he may suddenly stop acting ditzy and call you and pay court to a proper Goddess it is just cool you see it and it is not wigging you out.

    Daria dont feel bad I felt bad. I used to get close to people, run into my imperfections and theirs and run off because I rarely could handle the anxiety or pain or whatever. I got scared. I got scared everyone would keep talking about it and special astrology dates and all I kept thinking about was not all dates are good and special and I prayed so much she wouldnt die and I dont want to hate God but she died. I dont understand and I still dont and I dont want to be mad at him but it scares me. I got annoyed, said it, but stayed right here, still liking everyone, including you. Its just a feeling, a difference of opinion. Its done, its over with. AND YOU ARE NOT TO BE BLAMED. I feel flippy though, so up and sweet on this post, then snapping. That wasnt right. I dont want to do this to anyone here. I am sorry. Daria please dont feel bad at all.

    Good news, I am going to be compensated for the gas I use to get to my web design classes. BF gave me money for car insurance but it was all Italian lira. I have to go to the bank and exchange it. Its left over from his trip.

    I am so thankful for my cataract surgery and seeing beautifully.

    SVL how is your eyesight? You mentioned having to use a special reader on your computer? I could copy and paste everything on this blog, blow it up to a huge bright print and email it to you? What do you think?

    Lucy I had very good luck with ambien (prescription) for sleeping. Even a tiny bit works real good. I cant use the stuff from drugstore, feel awful the next morning.

    Brenda I have a resume, I thinks its okay but its very standard…I dont know how to incorporate different things into it and explain gaps. What do you think?

    I like the overf(k)unctioning you used. Its so hard. Everytime I read your posts I see you as a teacher in a school. Did you ever consider teaching? Possibly getting bachelor then masters, going on to teach at college level? You would be awesome at a community college.

  218.  #219nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 7:23 am

    I am going off to connect my body to some coffee and eggs.

  219.  #220Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Another strangeness from the world of online dating.

    Yesterday I had contact from a man 8 years older than me who actually lives in my town . . we’ve had several emails . . like about 4 back and forth.

    I am feeling unnerved that he is already repeating himself in his emails . . he’s told me about his favourite book twice (told me the same things), mentioned his various work and charity interests at least 3 times.

    And almost repeated word for word a paragraph about himself – misses hugs and kisses, divorced a long time ago, Caring with a capital C, a good, simple man, kids who are now earning good money . . . the usual kind of thing.

    Why on earth is repeating himself like this in emails? Extremely forgetful? Dementia? Emailing so many women that he can’t remember what he said . . It’s almost as if he is copying and pasting the same bits again, then just changing a few words around . .

    I don’t want to start repeating myself in my replies. . . but already it’s getting a bit difficult to reply . .

    “I’m feeling unsure what to say . . as I already commented on your comment . . ”

    What to say? How to stay open and non-judgmental?

  220.  #221Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 7:32 am

    @207: Lorelei says:
    “…I feel relief that he has walked away and said farewell. I feel such relief!…”

    Yes, I’d give no response and let “farewell” be farewell until he returns. Maybe he won’t return and that might be OK too. 😉

    “Sweetie” and I are on a budget and we are going out to get pancakes and “senior coffees” at McDonald’s…but we’ll bring them back here because I have the good butter and the real maple syrup… LOL 😆

    bbl to catch up on posts. I also think I’ll come back with a ring!


  221.  #222Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 7:33 am

    219 – nanceen

    Thanks for your reaction to the ‘spiritual’ guy. This online dating thing throws up so many situations I have never met before!

    I am so sad to hear about your dear sister and her death. Terrible things happen that we can’t explain (I believe that these things are random, in a world where everyone dies in the end), and living with our anguished “Why?” is one of the hardest things.

    Her death doesn’t stop your love for her, and it doesn’t end or invalidate her love for you either. You are still sisters. I hope you are sometimes able to imagine what she would say to you if she was still here to say it. I don’t mean anything mystical or paranormal by this – but this can happen just because of your closeness. xx

  222.  #223Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 7:36 am

    I realize this is off topic..

    I need help making a decision about taking the lovely apartment I looked at yesterday. I am so not in tune with myself right now.. ugh..

    I need a psychic.

  223.  #224Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 7:36 am

    222 – SLV

    Thanks. And your date with Sweetie sounds fun . . but what’s this about a ring?! Are you buying one?

    I bought myself a ring last summer as a symbol of my commitment to me . . but I have a feeling yours is a symbol of the kind of relationship you are manifesting . . . .?

  224.  #225nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 7:44 am


    Super awesome, thanks for the post.

  225.  #226nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 7:51 am


    about what age is he?

    Pretty much sounds to me he is “cding” and cutting and pasting and doing a sloppy job of keeping track of who is who.

    Have good friend Nanceen email back with a different name, see if she gets the same “blue plate special.”

    Call him on it. Not screechin’ mad but “last week you sent me the same email.” “it feels weird” “there is after all, one of me”

  226.  #227Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 8:10 am

    227 – nanceen

    He’s 58 . . .

  227.  #228nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:26 am

    hmmm same age as mine…I wish Rori would speak more about middle aged guys. she has said they are very lonely at that age. Depends on where they live I guess. Definitely not in a major city. Mine never came across as lonely. He wont admit anything. But the last few years his friends paired off and I pulled away and he started to crave me. Sometimes I suspect he is lazy…but then I live almost two hours away and he lives in a city with millions of women and then I feel, wow he really does like me. He has told me we are exclusive…but I go out on cd occasionally…but I never told him, honestly it would blow him out of the water, asking about getting a platonic male roomate who is the brother of my friend of 30 years totally flipped him out.

    cd is easy with guys in their 60’s. If they are widowed they tend to be more mature. If never married I find they are usually (but not always) kind of juvenile. They come across like strays dogs they always had a good time and then suddenly woke up one day and whoa!! every gal that “fed” was just about gone. I never have anything to do with a man that does not own his home or have a substantial work history or career behind him. I make zero exceptions. I cant handle it. I have a home, I am struggling, starting another career and the last thing I want to do is date someone like me. Someone tried to fix me up with a nice guy that had like 10 dogs or more and I was like NEVERRRRRRRR!!!

  228.  #229nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:27 am

    So Lor, want me to email this cutnpaste romeo?

  229.  #230nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:28 am

    Kaitlyn how are you? I have been thinking about you. Everytime I go to NYC I do.

  230.  #231Ella on April 3, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Hello Super Sirens

    I feel a little bereft today. Bereft of a man’s love.

    A bit empty and disheartened.

    And also slightly hopeful too.

    I went out last night with a group of girls and made some great new girl friends.

    However in terms of my own self and how I feel at the moment I feel a bit off. I have been working so hard and feel tired and lonely.

    Although some men have been coming towards me I don’t feel good about the ones that are.

    There is one guy I had a date with on Friday and my intuition is telling me that he is just after one thing… and he would woo me and talk the talk just to get it.

    I feel insecure about this.

    The other guy who was looking v promising in terms of me attracting in better quality men did a mini flame out kinda thing and basically just didn’t make a solid plan for a date this weekend while I was in the city, which resulted in no date (I came home).

    Now he is back in touch by text and talking about how he wants to see me, but I am unlikely to be back in the city anytime soon.

    Feels quite unsatisfying.

    I feel unfulfilled.

    So back to last night… I think my vibe was ok/good and certainly a lot of the much older men were looking at me. But also a bit off… not quite right… or not quite as good as I have felt sometimes recently.

    But I felt insecure because my friend was taking pics and I hate having my pic taken cus I don’t think I am photogenic.

    I generally dislike the way I look in photos – not always but often. Usually I think I look ugly in most photos!

    So she took a pic and all the other girls looked really pretty and I felt ugly!


    And I felt not pretty enough to attract a guy who is hot.

    And I tried to throw out that NV and still smiled and flirted, eye contact etc… but no-one really approached.

    And that guy who has gossiped about me was there which made me feel paranoid that I was being talked about.

    And I aimed to just have fun with the girls however I still felt as though I was on the ‘lookout’ for a guy if you know what I mean, which made me feel desperate!


    Feel like I am needy and want a man so bad right now.

    Feels unattractive.

    And I am putting a lot of my self esteem into whether guys call me or not eg: Mr B never calls me 🙁

    And it makes me feel that I am not that attractive, and no-one will really want me.

    Feels very icky, negative and downbeat writing all this stuff on here… but I want to shift on through it.

    Having trouble seeing the big pic and remembering that men are like rivers… I don’t want them to flow in and out… I want them all here worshipping me and coming at me all the time!

    Waaaaa! Stamps feet! I feel needy, greedy and attention seeking!

    Think my pond is all stirred up again, and this time it is complete ‘me’ issues.

    Its just normally on a night out there are guys who show an interest in me and it makes me feel good.

    But last night there was no-one who really wanted to vibe with me. There were guys around, and I felt attracted to some of them, but somehow I felt lean forward.

    I felt all the other girls were prettier and the guys wanted to vibe with them instead.

    And I feel like people think ‘look there is desperate Ella, who never has a boyfriend and is always after a man!’

    Don’t know if this is true or not.

    I felt like I was hunting for a man, and this is not how I want to feel.

    I feel so needy, its like I just need to be able to let it go and have a good time just with my friends and not worry about attracting men!

    And so a few times last night I was left standing on my own, and I felt too insecure to just stand there.

    And I was fidgety… like I didn’t believe any men would come and find me… I tried standing still and working on vibe but I couldn’t do it…

    So I would go from room to room hoping for a guy to give me some attention!

    Ick… that feels absolutely terrible to write and I feel embarressed/ashamed!

    I know Rori says we should be able to just stand on our own, and just smile etc… but I felt like such an idiot!

    So I would walk up and join a group of people (we all tend to know each other here) and then I would feel ok but always me initiating!

    Ick ick…

    I want to get back to being a magnet, but I can’t force it.

    Guess this is just where I am at right now… and that is ok.

    Probably it is not as bad as I think.

    Maybe I put the wheels in motion for good things in the futire bc I refused to lean forward fully in the way a lot of girls round here do, and that meant I didn’t hang out with a guy…

    Thats ok too.

    It is more the feelings of insecurity and not good/pretty enough I need to work on.

    And the belief that I have to attract men to feel good.

    I just think I can’t compete with girls that are much prettier and thinner than me and that I will never attract a guy who I really like…

    Hmm, maybe I gotta do some work to have a look at that belief and ask if it is really true.

    I wish too that I could unravel my self esteem from attention from guys.

    But to be quite truthful, and icky as I feel to say, I am not there yet!

    Want to feel ok with myself again.

    And eating junk food today and that feels icky too.

    I know there is a better way to handle stuff when I feel like this and I am getting towards it I know.

    Just been working so hard haven’t had time to attend to me!

    Working hard cus am moving out (which will be a massivly good thing for me) and need to pay the rent!

    I want to feel calm and lovely in my own skin again, and stop throwing myself at the mercy of guys and how they respond to me!

    Hmmm, just reading my post back – maybe I need to give myself some love and top myself up.

    And so what if I feel desperate. I am not going to hide it.

    I am going to send love to that part of me…

    And that feels hard to me bc I dislike that part… I feel disgust at that part… and that feels bad!

    So I am going to send some love to that vulnerable part of me…

    I realise I was trying to stuff that down, bc I thought it was so ugly that no-one would want to see it.

    I was trying to pretend that I did not feel desperate!

    Sending love, sending love… love and accept myself fully.

    Love that lonley little part of me… that desperate part of me that wants a man and thinks that is the only way we can survive.

    I am here and I can love and take care of you!

    And breath.

    There is no need to throw yourself to men and expect them to make it better.

    I can look after you and make it better.

    But there is no neEven though I think it is an icky part that will send people running, I still love and accept you.ed to hide that either. Be open and vulnerable.

    Felt like I was trying to hard last night! … but at least I am aware of it! 🙂 that is progress, and I can unravel it… hmmm, think I might review Targeting Mr Right… that might feel good.


  231.  #232nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:31 am


    It has been almost 12 years and I think of her almost everyday. I look at her picture and wonder at all the springs and summers that will pass and go if I live as long as my grandmother did.

  232.  #233Ella on April 3, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Brenda re 210 –

    I love that! It is really kool!


  233.  #234luzydel on April 3, 2011 at 8:42 am

    Going back to the topic, “when a man comes back”

    Yes most of them had come back to me, now that I think about it…

    J came back and we decided to try again, but I did the same mistakes so he acted the same way again.

    Ted came back, and I just questioned his return and acted a bit defensive.

    Mike also came back and I practically made him feel bad.

    E also came back and he was so excited to see me again, he apologized for disappearing, he was going through some rough times and needed to work on them; I acted indifferent and never replied to his last email.

    Wow I need to make some changes in me, these men could have been the one if I was more open to them.
    I need to trust myself more and believe I am wonderful and that is why they come back.

  234.  #235nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:42 am


    If your picture was put on a billboard and every single man in the whole wide world saw it, you would be deluged. At least 100 of those guys would be absolutely smitten.

    Its just numbers. We need more numbers sometimes. I know there is thinner, younger, prettier. But there are several guys that fit you. They just were not out where you were.

    I have been at a social gathering where I kind of drifted around not fitting in any group. ICK. Crud. My bf was busy hosting and having a grand time with his buds and he noticed me drifting around the area for the third time, attempting a landing. He gave me a key to the apartment and I just went home and called it a day. Another time I went to a place and was the belle of the table. It happens. Personally I like to be out when I am totally well rested, had some skin peel thing healed (glycolic or something) up my sister does to me and I have been laughing hysterically over something.

  235.  #236nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Luzy can you contact E? Tell him you were not feeling so great emotionally at the time but you had time for it to sink in and you liked him contacting you and you appreciate what he said .

  236.  #237Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 8:50 am

    230 – Nanceen – thanks for the offer of emailing him – ha ha – but you’d have to pay to join the site he’s from – and I won’t put you through that!! And he’s not all bad – suspect just lonely, and has some interesting things going for him as well.

    I’m going to do the thing I always do when email starts to get a bit boring . . say things like: “I’m feeling very curious about the real man behind these emails . . but email feels quite detached, as I can’t see your eyes or your nods, or hear your voice . .” Then I sign off, and add my phone number, with no other comment. It works every time – they call and I can suss them out much better and see if my gut feelings about the emails are right….

  237.  #238Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 8:51 am

    235 – Luzydel

    I haven’t got far enough in, maybe, to find that men come back. I feel very curious about this . .

  238.  #239T-Girl on April 3, 2011 at 8:55 am

    RE: guys coming back…I was watching Modern Siren last night and I guess it would be OK to say when they come back “I feel happy to hear from you and I feel angry (or other feeling word). I’m confused”.

  239.  #240nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:57 am


    Rori had a post recently about where her hubby went on a business trip for six days and did not call!!! What it was, he was truly busy and did not feel the need to be talking everytime, but Rori did. She had to make a speech about what made her feel loved, safe and cared for. I am pasting it below, start with Story of Mine…. Also you have Christmas and being an atheist? So what. Christmas is also happy holiday time and all kinds of immutable principles of beauty and sharing gifts and generousity. Toss that at him Goddess. Who is he to judge your beautiful heart?

    Rori: Story of Mine…

    My husband went on a business trip once and didn’t call for 6 days. I was astounded and wounded. I believe I called once during that time, but not again. When he finally talked I said…I felt deeply weird at not hearing from you…and I don’t like it at all. I need to know I’m being thought of.

    He apologized – but I KNEW he simply had become absent-minded about me. He didn’t love me any less – he was 100% focused on what he was doing…and he wasn’t lonely. Once he knew what I needed him to do (tho I didn’t put it that way) – he created a routine so he could make me happy regardless of what he was feeling or not feeling.

    And yet – ever after – I have to live with my frustration at him NOT feeling so lonely, and so bereft without me, that he wants to call all the time. that just isn’t ever going to happen as a natural, regular thing.

    Can I live with that? SURE!!!

    Because I feel loved! I just do. The complete package, morning-to-night, day-to-day of how he treats me makes me feel bathed in love always. I can live with not having everything go my way, all the time. I can live just fine without every single thing on my checklist.

    As long as he gives me the things at the top of my list – the big-ticket items – that make me FEEL that I feel loved, calm, peaceful, sexy, happy, safe…ALL of the time!

    I don’t know why this man isn’t calling.

    And – for now – you don’t want to be spending your time and energy guessing and figuring.

    You simply need to discover, day-by-day, if he can meet your needs without you prodding, pushing, hoping, ball-carrying.

    There’s going to be a transition in here.

    Where you go from drama to non-drama. From anger to laughing. From hard to easy. From upset to okay. Where you discover what’s co-dependent here, and what’s real.

    It takes a bit of time – and LOT of awareness.

    The awareness is your job – AND – the only thing you can be aware of is YOU.

    I want you to have love EASY.

    Love, Rori

  240.  #241nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 9:01 am

    good one Lor…!!!

    Toss out a crumb trail and see if they come to worship at your shrine. (outside of course, heavy entry fees involved if you want to enter sacred inner chamber of heart)

  241.  #242nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 9:08 am

    I had two guys come back in my life, cant count my ex husband as third one because I cant get rid of him.

    (This was many years ago) the first one I was floored and knew no rori stuff, christian carter and just had this crazy idea he was in love with me. It did not work. He seemed to be madly in love but wasnt proposing marriage, I just thought a girl waits…men have a hard time committing…girl says nothing…he went poof again and when I called him a year later I was stunned to find out he had been married for several months and was totally committed. Now I know what that was all about but at the time I was devastated.

    The second time many years later is with bf now. This time I was slightly more prepared and halfway into this found the rori stuff. Probably reason he is still around and I am keeping my home and pursuing a life, well trying between wailing and crying on this blog and having brenda, slv, and many others, rush in, comfort me and slap me up a little and get my head out of my butt. I feel so bad if I say something mean and it affects Daria. I dont want to stop any siren from growing and having a fabulous feeling day.

  242.  #243Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 9:20 am

    #187 Kaitlyn – “but if you cared, you’d know it’d mean a great deal of joy to her to receive your call early Christmas morning. Not 2pm when you’ve shuffled her off as last priority because your career is so important. Yes, your career is important and you’re the most brilliant man I’ve met (and deviant, yum), but screw you for making me feel like I’m not AS important”.

    Hey Kaitlyn, I totally get you. I had this same feeling with a guy who had marriage on the table and then called it off in a text message. He came to see me Sat morning (in Feb) and I was so mad that he did not get there by Friday night when I arrived in his town. So I shut the door on his face when he showed up.

    Anyhow, the guy was not good for me and I had basically hired him to make me miserable so that I did not have to deal with my own pain/ feelings.

    The key here is practicing. Practicing being open when a good guy returns. And now what there is to practice is feeling your feelings. I understand you are in pain and it feels bad, but trust Rori, it is the best place you can be to feel your feelings and heal and build up self-esteem. When the next great guy shows up you will be able to practice being an open invitation.


  243.  #244Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 9:24 am

    @225: Lorelei says:

    “…I bought myself a ring last summer as a symbol of my commitment to me . . but I have a feeling yours is a symbol of the kind of relationship you are manifesting . . . .?…”

    The commitment ring sounds wonderful. I did a commitment too! On my wedding anniversary March 20th I “renewed vows” but to love for myself and to my desire to find soul mate life partner. I didn’t think about a ring but that would have been super…it’s not too late…I think I’ll get one.

    Yes, ring is part of manifesting, the way I’m doing it. LOL 😆 I was thinking of hanging crystals in relationship corner…Lilybelle posted a link to some beautiful ones. But yesterday I had idea to hang some rings.

    This morning I got one from the “gum ball machine” in supermarket. I put two quarters in the machine and out came a little “silver” ring with a pale green stone. I think I will use your idea and get another to commenorate my commitment day and also one for each week so that means I’ll get two more later today. I think I saw some “wedding band” type rings in there too…

    This so reminds me of that scene with Audrey Hepburn in “Breakfast at Tiffany” where she and guy have Crackerjack rink engraved at Tiffany. 😀

    Trying to catch up on posts going from bottom to top. 😛


  244.  #245LonePlum on April 3, 2011 at 9:29 am

    “Calling in the one” free audio seminar


  245.  #246Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 9:41 am

    @235: luzydel says:
    “…back to the topic, “when a man comes back”…”

    I’ll note this post in my Prodigal CD file. Some new sirens wonder if these guys come back. Not always, but it’s amazing how often they do.

    Since you still “owe” E an e-mail, I don’t think it’s leaning forward to send a reply. My take on it is a little more playful. If I were leading a happy fulfilled life, I am, you are… right? and barely noticed he was gone and have had many dates since…

    I would not bother writing any kind of apology or “explanation” for the delay. Nope not a word of that. I’d send a reply, not a new e-mail, a reply that was a copy of his e-mail to me and add a “reply” something like: “Hey, it’s me!

    …then wait and see what he does. Nothing more. EXCEPT this time around I’d be in heavy duty siren/goddess Rori mode. If he’s interested… and available…he’ll pursue.


  246.  #247Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 9:46 am

    @246: LonePlum says:
    “Calling in the one” free audio seminar”

    Thank you. I was on call but missed some. This will be good inspiration for later.


  247.  #248Daria on April 3, 2011 at 9:57 am

    I dreamt about a friend of mine trying to get with me 🙂

    He’s in a wheelchair now I think but wasn’t in our dream. Plus he was morphing into another friend of mine lol

    I still felt a lil stuck to ask him to go down on me… But I will heal this.

  248.  #249Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 9:59 am

    #232 Ella – your post feels so vulnerable and authentic – thank you for sharing and keep feeling those feelings.

    I usually prepare ahead which of Rori’s tools I will practice when I’m out. That seems to help me. Then no matter what is going on I practice the tool and it keeps the focus on me. For some reason, the tool I select earlier seems to be the one I really need to practice anyway. I also practice others as they come up but I make sure I work on the one I selected for myself.

    The Siren tool ‘Air’ is really good when you get all in your head about ‘what do other people/the man think about me’. It’s worked magic for me!


  249.  #250Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 10:02 am

    #235 Luzydel – you are the YUMMY FREAKIN’ PIE!!

  250.  #251Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 10:02 am

    @221: Lorelei says:
    “…Why on earth is repeating himself like this in emails? Extremely forgetful? Dementia? Emailing so many women that he can’t remember what he said . . It’s almost as if he is copying and pasting the same bits again, then just changing a few words around . . …”

    It’s strange if it’s happened more than once as you have had only FOUR exchanges!!! Are you sending “new e-mail” each time? I usually keep about up to ten exchanges or so on one “email conversation” and one conversation per week, month, or topic depending upon the person.

    That way, if this repetition occurs it will be on the same transmittal! I’d remark right beneath the comment in question (I usually use text in a different color) and I’d say something about it in a light-hearted way … “hmmm, you me told this on [give day of week or date]… did you forget who I am…? LOL 😆 …”

    See what happens… I confess and I’m ashamed to say I sometimes repeat myself. I come from a long line of story tellers and sometimes we repeat ourselves… 😳


  251.  #252Ella on April 3, 2011 at 10:17 am


    Thank you.

    🙂 xoxox

  252.  #253Daria on April 3, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Nanceen – I feel good and I grow from expressing myself in any situation. Right now I’m working on speaking up fir myself.

    I can’t control what triggers others or what triggers me so I practice expressing myself without concern.

  253.  #254Ella on April 3, 2011 at 10:21 am


    Thanks! 🙂

    I will try that selecting one tool to practice especially. It will give me something to ‘do’ or focus on…


    Also, Nanceen, I think I would have done better to come home last night and have some me time, instead of going straight out tto the pub when I had had such a non stop, stressful week.

    Sometimes I feel afraid of missing out, but when I do make time for me I love it and it feels good.

    Maybe I will set aside an evening next weekend just for me!

    I also prefer going out when I have had some pampering and feeling really good vibe.

    I will remember that for future.


  254.  #255Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 10:40 am

    #245 SLV – Diamonds ARE a girl’s best friend 🙂 I love this about getting myself a ring. I have a gorgeous pair of 14K diamond studs (from toxic rich ex-b – LOL!!!) that I wear and always feel glamourous in them no matter what I’m wearing. Just thinking about a lovely ring and necklace to match makes me feel good.

    RE – ‘when a man comes back’. I had always been over-functioning and leaning forward so the few who came back in my past did because I was a crumb-taker.

    I feel sad, painful and embarrassed admitting this about myself but it is so true. I’m so happy that I can now see this and heal and grow from it. Thanks Rori!

    #202 Daria – “Queenbee – I wouldn’t be upset sleeping with a man if it felt good. But I Would feel upset if the man I was sleeping with did not contact me for a long time…

    Just noticing that I would feel that way. I want a dependable lover”.

    If men are like rivers, how can one control this if they come and go?

    I’m also just processing. Ideally, I would like to have one amazing lover in an exclusive relationship – marriage. But who can wait for this all the time?

    I really believe that sex outside of marriage does not work…. there are all the reasons. I don’t want to feel used and taken advantage of by a man when he moves on. But mostly I have brought in men to make me miserable so it is no wonder I have this caution.

    I want to feel good. I still feel guilty having sex with a man outside of marriage. I anticipate that he will leave at some point and that causes me anxiety.

    I want to feel loved and cherished. I want to have ‘a little sex’ 🙂 I want to feel expressed sexually.

    Urghh! This feels annoying. I want sex but I don’t want it.

  255.  #256Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 10:43 am

    @219: nanceen says:
    “…SVL how is your eyesight? You mentioned having to use a special reader on your computer? I could copy and paste everything on this blog, blow it up to a huge bright print and email it to you? What do you think?…”

    Nanceen, that is so very sweet of you that I am touched. I don’t use a special reader on computer; what I sometimes do is copy and paste to Notepad and then add white space between groups of line text so that it is easier for me to read.

    I have difficulty focusing. I’m myopic and now presbyopic. I have difficulty with vision scanning left to right and back when there is a lot of text without white space.

    I studied web design and development over a decade ago in a full-time six month course at a local community college. It was free thanks to my wonderful state government. Yippee. I am thankful. I knew I never wanted to do design work for anyone but I took the opportunity to add skills I might want to use for myself. Plus it was a lot of fun!

    As you work with your web design you will design with end user in mind and there is a lot about user readability and “stickiness” of web site: White space proportion, text color and background compatibility, optimum font selection etc etc Everything to keep the reader on the page! LOL 😆


  256.  #257Ella on April 3, 2011 at 10:45 am

    I feel afraid sometimes like what if we are not doing the right thing here?

    I look at my friends who have boyfriends and I feel jealous… I want a man to love me!

    I miss having a boyfriend.

    But then it always hurt so much when the relationship broke down, and it didn’t lead to marriage, and I didn’t know how to be with that person.

    This is healing for me and so better.

    But sometimes it is hard!

    Really hard for me!

    In some ways it would be so much easier to have a boyfriend.

    I could get love all the time (in theory) and I wouldn’t have to deal with all these horrible men!

    That is how it feels right now.

    Too hard.

    Maybe cus I have had no me time.

    I have not been taking care of me. Rushing around.

    I don’t really think all men r horrible but I do make judgements about some of the men round here… and they become ‘horrible’ in my mind when they don’t behave towards me how I think they should.

    I start to label and judge.

    Sometimes it just feels so hard to keep expressing when guys are being all macho in groups and it feels like little me with my feeling messages are making no impact whatsoever!

    I want to heal this idea that these men are horrible and will treat me badly.

    I want to turn this around.

    Universe I would like to clear my pond again please.

    And I need to make some me time… and rest.


  257.  #258Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 10:55 am

    @256: Queenbee says:
    “…245 SLV – Diamonds ARE a girl’s best friend I love this about getting myself a ring…”

    Cool. 8) I’d love that too. My little ring cost 50 cents. It was fun getting it; I’m using it for household decoration. I’m thinking about getting a couple more today.

    “… I had always been over-functioning and leaning forward so the few who came back in my past did because I was a crumb-taker…”

    Don’t feel bad. I had one that came back and didn’t even give the crumbs, just showed them and snatched them back. LOL 😆 It’s hilarious now, thinking about it but there is still a sore spot. And it was a big surprise as I’d never experienced that before.

    I am thinking about myself that it’s never too late to learn or grow… 😀 And the good news is it brought me here and to lots of other learning places. Without that guy, I would not be looking for a life partner today. So, it’s working out well for me…or to give myself credit, *I’m* working well for ME.


  258.  #259Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 11:17 am

    SLV 252

    yes, I am sending different email replies!! But I don’t want to start replying the same thing to the same repeated comment from him. I should add that not all his comments are repeats . . only some.

    And I like the idea of rings . . . I have already cut out a picture of a diamond ring from a magazine and glued it on my calendar as part of my intention to meet soul partner (by a certain date – eeeek! – the winter solstice this year).

    Eeeek. I’ve put in public that I am totally serious about doing all the necessary work for this to happen. December 22.

  259.  #260Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 11:31 am

    @191: LonePlum says:
    “…Actually I got my first doll from my mother who also made its cloths and I kept the doll and the cloths too. But I mean between age 6 when she died and age 12 when he married another woman, I was not allowed dolls or anything girly…”

    LonePlum, I hope you were able to keep the doll your mother gave you during the time you didn’t receive other dolls. I hope you still have it!!! I bought myself a couple of dolls during last couple of years. I’m still a child at heart… 😆

    Could it be the doll pattern came from book below?

    This is a favorite book of many people, a new one is listed at price up to $186. Used ones can be purchased cheaply; I found one on eBay a few years ago. I sometimes sit and look through it with nostalgia. It contains the original pattern for a 40 year-old teddy bear which I’ve lost and another (lion) toy a friend made for my son.

    The Woman’s Day Book of Soft Toys and Dolls by Joan Russell

    Here’s another “doll story.” Boys don’t seem to like “baby dolls” the kind that cry, pee and poop; however, they do like other kind of dolls that fit in more with the kinds of things they like to do.

    One thing, don’t call them “dolls.” LOL 😆 When I handed my then five year-old grandson his toy,,,the one he took to bed with him… :D. “Here’s your doll.” He informed me in very grown-up voice. “It’s not a doll… it’s an “action figure.” Oh, yeah, right.

    My son also had those dolls, oops, action figures, G. I. Joe and now the children have a bunch more. The boys always call them action figures. Heehee we know better. A rose is a rose…

    Also boys will play with the girl type dolls too but different kinds of things; they will do some unspeakable things with those dolls. I caught grandson and friend playing with sister’s “Barbie dolls.” A game they called “over the cliff.”

    Each little boy put a Barbie in a toy car, truck or jeep and gave it a hard push across the table top until it flew off onto the floor. Then they went to look to see which Barbie was still in vehicle or which one had bounced the farthest then little boys ROFL.

    Ah, children.


  260.  #261Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Boundaries. How do you determine whether your boundaries are based on healthy factors (e.g. self-love) or unhealthy factors (e.g. low self-esteem) and thus whether the boundaries should stay or go? An extreme example to illustrate my point: a woman will not accept her husband going anywhere but work w/o her. Most of us would say that boundary is unhealthy. But if a woman accepted her husband NEVER being home, we would question her boundaries as well. And of course there are many shades btwn those extremes.

  261.  #262Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 12:00 pm

    That’s just an example. Also, two women could have the same boundary for opposite reasons: one woman accepts her man’s strip-clubbing bc she enjoys him getting turned on by other women, while another woman accepts her man’s strip-clubbing bc she is afraid she will lose him if she doesn’t.

  262.  #263Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    @260: Lorelei says:
    “. . . I have already cut out a picture of a diamond ring from a magazine and glued it on my calendar as part of my intention to meet soul partner (by a certain date – eeeek! – the winter solstice this year). ..:

    Ohhh, that’s a good idea. That’s an excellent idea! Very positive! I’ve been using my calendar agenda in similar way but mainly I started using it to keep my resolve from leaning forward, contacting etc etc.

    When I got agenda book in December I put in positive ones for Meemee, she was having a hard time then… I put hers for March 21, Nancy on April 17 and Lucy April 23.

    Meemee seems to have turned corner near that date. 😀 I don’t know if there is any meaning for Nancy or Lucy. I just looked and noticed I have one for myself for CD?? on April 28!!! What the????

    I think marriage, even engagement, is too soon for 2011 (of course… you never know…) but I’ll put on my thinking cap for something suitable.

    I just put a little sticker for you in my agenda also. You now have positive vibes coming from this side of the Atlantic too. What do you say to an American or Canadian…? I know you don’t like LDR… but you never know… some of the soul mate ladies have discovered their husbands in strange ways.


  263.  #264Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Or one woman does Not accept strip-clubbing bc she loves herself and wants to be his entire yummy pie, and another woman does not accept it bc she hates herself and is afraid of losing him to a stripper.

  264.  #265Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 12:14 pm

    One woman accepts addiction bc “he is doing the best he can” and she loves herself enough for both of them, while another accepts addiction bc she unconsciously believes she deserves it. Or one woman does Not accept addiction bc she believes she deserves better, while another woman does not accept it bc she is too dependent on a man to meet her needs and his addiction prevents him from doing so.

  265.  #266Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    264 – SLV

    Wow – thank you! Maybe it sounds as if I am in a hurry!!??!! Maybe I am.

    I got the idea from this from the Calling in the One book . . it is doing major things for me already. All sorts of personal things are unfolding . . . and blocks releasing.

    I am about to do what the author calls a release ceremony . . with fire, and burning paper with stuff on it that I am releasing and healing from. I feel some resistance to doing this – and it has felt very painful facing some of the issues that need releasing. . but i will be doing it in about half an hour . .

    No objections to American or Canadian men – I like many North American men who I’ve met – and my ex-husband was American, but it hasn’t put me off a whole continent! My soul partner would have to be a different kind of man is all.

    Wait and see about 28 April – i will do a sticker for you then . . . and I am pondering one for Sweetie as well.

  266.  #267Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    Classic example: some say a “strong” woman will forgive an affair (no matter how many times), stay, and work through it, while others say a “strong” woman loves herself enough to leave. Some women say “I wasn’t strong enough to leave” while others say “I wasn’t strong enough to stay.”

  267.  #268Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    Hey SLV, my sticker date is almost here! I feel hopeful. 🙂 We still haven’t heard from Nancy – maybe April 17 is her wedding day! She was moving quickly in that direction last we heard!

  268.  #269nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    queenbee…I have a secret confession…before I met my husband I did the usual…dated…slept with guys, lots and lots of ’em…fell in love, fooled around, one nighters, always messed around with two and three at a time…yada yada…then I had a really crappy experience with a guy that was so incredible hurtful, sexist and double standard, it was brief but so ugly and demeaning, I dont know why it hit me that way in light of my past but I was fed up…I decided I would flippantly tell the next man I dated I would not have sex with a man till I was married. Just to see what happened. Now I was 30 years old, that sounds ridiculous but I was hurt and furious. So I stated it matter of factly to the next man and threw in the ring request also. He was like “okay”. And he pursued me!! I stayed with it. He fell in love, he proposed, he bought me a ring. We did all kinds of messing around but not actual intercourse. I had a wedding night!!! Now I was married for 18 years, it did not end happily ever after but that is the after part. The courtship, the first few years were fabulous. It was real. Despite all the pain and tears of my life, I will always treasure being treasured by him. Because I stood up and treasured myself.

    Lor: the ring picture does work. I would not give it a date though sweetie. Both my sis and I cut out rings we wanted, carat, cut, everything. No holds barred. She pasted her in a diary, me in my bible. Took a few years but we both ended up with them. Her at age 50. I used to open up my bible and just look at it. I had several pics and used to look it and just enjoy it. thats all. If you like a ring its fine, I rarely met a woman that wanted a ring and did not care about the relationship. I dont think anyone here is like that on this blog.

    Ella, yes probably was just a night to go home and wear jammies, deep condition hair, pedicure feet and get lots of beauty sleep. I know the longing, to be kissed again…have a boyfriend…a man around…and no one is looking at you poor Ella..my sis (I have four) used to say that and I told her “no way”, I never look at my girlfriends or sis and think they are pathetic. Your longings are totally normal. I am eager to see you date multiple. Have you cded? I cant remember. You should let guys you have zero interest in buy you dinner and pay for drinks. Nice guys but ones there is no passion at all. Are you using them? Nope. Guys know when they take out a woman she may or may not be interested and they see this gamble as part of pursuing women. They like it. They dont mind this. Men need work like we need romance and estrogen. Otherwise they die psychologically. Creepy spoiled ones who think they are so modern skip all this. They are actually feminized. Or at least that is my feeling on it.
    ELLA: you said “Sometimes it just feels so hard to keep expressing when guys are being all macho in groups and it feels like little me with my feeling messages are making no impact whatsoever!’ In groups they always behave macho. They act tender and respond differently in private when alone with you. They dont flirt and woo in front of other men. If you are doing the rori stuff in a GROUP of men you probably wont get results. They do hear you but at that moment they are “on the team” and will play by the “team rules”. Guys with guys are on a team. They have “uniforms”. Look how mens styles dont change. A guy could walk down the street in a pair of jeans from 1969 and a t shirt from 1982 and who would know? Look a the flannel suits and button down shirts and ties they wear. Uniform. Dont waste your charms on a group of guys. Wait until one is alone with you and you have a good chance of rendering him helpless with rori tools. Are you kind of in situations where there are groups of guys standing around? Try just standing back from the group a little, say just three steps, listening but saying nothing, looking thoughtful and sipping your drink. If one guy kind of looks at you, smile and lean back, step back very subtly maybe half a step. See if he moves toward you. If he does, another slight smile or say something . Him moving toward you means he wants to get you alone (not like in a room but form a group of just two) and you subtly backing up and smiling is inviting. If no one takes the bait, take a sip, toss your head or shrug and nonchalontly stroll off. It will be noticed more than you think. “Hey she left, we’re a bunch of bores”. You will have to tweak this, the steps and space and make it right for you but I have done it and enjoyed luring one from the pack. Sometimes guys travel in packs when they are married, in committed relationships or all hyped up about a game. Oh well just my take on it.

  269.  #270nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Lucy when you only have one date you kind of rule out all the other dates. Your vibes push away all the other options. I hope that makes sense…Just picture what the desired outcome looks like and a bigger time frame…your whole life is a time frame…and it will happen

  270.  #271Jacqueline on April 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Hi, Nanceen – good to see you, love the proposal story – I’m kind of the same way – my 1.5 year marriage was awful but the day of? Wow, best party I ever gave and last time my whole family was together and speaking and my mom was alive. Good point to remember the good times!

    Lucy – you are an original thinker! and that is a very interesting line of thought. Lots of ramifications to it….I’ll be giving it some thought.

    I’ve got bronchitus and started on antibiotics and this a.m. when I woke up there were roses from the garden…in a vase with a little not. Awwww, like Valentine’s day but on alternate day….

    sometimes I think I’m lucky!

    Everyone, take care today!

  271.  #272Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    QueenBee please dont ever be embarrassed admitting anything here. I used to be alot and the more I come here I see I have no reason to be. Yeah I love the jewels…I like to have sets of everything. A pearl ring, pearl necklace, pearl earrings, garnet…I am working on having a set of all that I like, I have the garnet, the pearls, the emeralds, and partial sets of other stuff. Its a good suggestion for a gift when a man wants to buy you something. I mention my sets when they ask and I get a ring or earrings or necklace…it kind of give them a choice of what to get and you get things that match and go in sets instead of a hodgepodge of stuff. Its not the Liz collection but it works for me.

    ELLA YOU WENT STRAIGHT FROM WORK TO THE PUB!! OH NO.. You go home and get all bathed, refreshed and perfumed and totally wash off the working woman and immerse yourself in the silken feminine robes of Queen Ella before you sail out. Even change your purse. If you have to lay out an outfit the night before like you do for work, go for it!!

  272.  #273kaitlyn on April 3, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    244 Queenbee

    But what if Adam would’ve been more on the ball if I’d been more appreciative and non blaming in the first place?

  273.  #274Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 12:56 pm


    Oh sweetie you bring tears to my eyes…my mommy was alive and at my wedding too…my sister was too…sniff…tears

  274.  #275kaitlyn on April 3, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    The only man flowing in and out like a river right now is someone whose number I’ve blocked 80 times. Great.

  275.  #276kaitlyn on April 3, 2011 at 1:10 pm



  276.  #277Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    #259 SLV – LOL and thank you! I feel so good that we can now laugh about these kinds of things. It’s the healing taking place. It’s a miracle for me. I have so wanted to be healed and got nowhere. I now see that it is happening…. Before Rori’s tools – expanding my heart and the awareness, I would still be bitter, analyzing, blaming and then succumbing to the NV. Thank you again. I feel and share in your joy.

    #270 Nanceen – OMG, thank you so much! This would feel so good.

    Is it that the right man is understanding and I would be able to control my passion until the wedding night?

    It feels as though without the ‘girlfriend status’ or the sex, things would dry up really fast for a man, or go straight into the friend zone. Why would a man keep paying for dates with a woman he is not getting anything from? – when there are so many crumb-takers he can go for?

    The only way a man can wait is if he is specifically looking to settle down and soon.

    What if a man has no immediate intention of settling down. He may in 3 or 4 years, but does one wait that long?

    Unless… time really does fly when you want it to – LOL!

    Just processing…. Please do comment if you wish, I’m not exactly sure where I’m going with this…


  277.  #278turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Had my date with hot travel man… he’s not hot. Not my type, looks older than his pictures and wasn’t dressed well enough to compliment him on anything.

    Yuck, I’m disappointed, I realized immediately that I wasn’t attracted to him. I tried to just practice, but found myself talking nervously, and too much. I didn’t even give him a hug, just said it was nice meeting him and thanked him for lunch. He texted me a little bit ago to say how much he enjoyed talking to me over lunch and he got a little nervous at the end, hoped I wouldn’t hold it against him. I wrote back that I had a nice time too and left it at that. I always think before I meet someone, that if it doesn’t work out, maybe we can just be friends…. but I don’t think that usually works out. He’s a nice guy, works hard, doesn’t drink, just not my type. It was hard to tell in his pictures, they were all kind of far away, but it’s not attractive. His pics were definitely better. He asked me if I thought he looked like his pics, and at the end of the date he asked if he’d done ok…. I said yes to both, because the date itself wasn’t bad, I just definitely knew I didn’t want him to kiss me.

    I miss Tom. I miss the chemistry and connection and wanting him to touch me. 🙁 Maybe I should forget about having a relationship. The guys I’m attracted to just want sex, the guys who like me, I’m not attracted to. I can’t be happy in either of those situations. I may need to do a friends with benefits thing with an ex that still wants me…. I’m not drawn to him emotionally… but physically was pretty good. At least that feels good! WTF.

  278.  #279Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    And Kaitlyn you keep blocking him because he is nothing but a damn sewer by the East River. Sewage can’t flow to you when you stay up on the hill.

    I see you blocking with your strong right hand and the left wedding ring hand open to what you want. Stand fast.

  279.  #280Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    @267: Lorelei says:
    “..Wow – thank you! Maybe it sounds as if I am in a hurry!!??!! Maybe I am…”

    No, it’s fine. December 22 is good for you. I meant 2011is too soon for me! I got so excited when I read you were doing that I wondered if I should do it too for new stuff. I thought I was only one using a calendar for relationship intentions. This was something I thought up and developed for myself at end of last year although I have since suggested to other people how it might be used. I got so excited about you using calendar.

    I hope your ceremony went well. Today is April 3 new moon; I thought about doing a smudge ceremony today but I’ve since decided to wait until May new moon after, I hope, I’ve made more space.

    You are way ahead of me. I’m taking a really long time with myself. I’ve been relationship deprived for a long, long time and though it will take me a while, I believe this is the best course for me. Just the idea of having a man around in real life is a big, big thing for me. I am practicing.

    The calling in the one seems very similar to soulmate secret.


  280.  #281Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    @269: Lucy says:
    “…Hey SLV, my sticker date is almost here!…”

    I know! Time is flying! I’m curious what’s going to happen. Maybe you should take a look around some online dating sites…just look.


  281.  #282Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    #273 – Nanceen, thank you for your encouragement. True that, Siren land has definitely helped me to bring more of the tools into my everyday practice. I feel good.

    Nanceen says: “Yeah I love the jewels…I like to have sets of everything. A pearl ring, pearl necklace, pearl earrings, garnet…I am working on having a set of all that I like, I have the garnet, the pearls, the emeralds, and partial sets of other stuff”.

    I feel all tingly, warm and excited reading about all these jewels. Rori talks about identifying for ourselves where we feel the strongest connection to our Feminine Energy. Sex and babies definitely does it for me (I have no children). Now I’m noticing that jewels – looking at them, touching, trying them on and then getting dressed, sexy and beautiful with gorgeous jewels to complement the outfit and woman has me feeling connected to my feminine energy.

    Ella – RE Nanceen #273. I feel the love and this makes me smile. I was living in Ldn until last October. You mentioned living there so I totally get how going to the pub after work makes sense. Though now I totally agree with Nanceen on this:) It would be such a Siren vibe for the pub, which men are not usually expecting.

  282.  #283Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    SLV, I went on the sites last night (for the first time in weeks) when I couldn’t sleep and looked around but did not see anyone of interest. Rori once said I might have to move – maybe tht is true.

  283.  #284Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    @279: turquoise3 says:
    “… It was hard to tell in his pictures, they were all kind of far away, but it’s not attractive. His pics were, and at the end of the date he asked if he’d done ok…. I said yes to both, because the date itself wasn’t bad, I just definitely knew I didn’t want him to kiss me….”

    Oh, no. That seems, to me, kind of sad. I would not want a guy to ask me that. It seems so insecure and unattractive. Oh, my.

    BTW, when you posted “it’s not attractive” did you mean “he’s not attractive?” I guess he really was not attractive… 😆

    But, here’s an idea. I do not want my pics to “look better than I.” I think there is a lesson here! I am seriously going to consider this. Men are visual. This is a break through!! For the very pretty girls this might not matter; maybe it;s of no use to you. But a little buzzer is going off in my head. Aha!


  284.  #285Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 1:54 pm


    I know it doesn’t sound very encouraging, but can you do a couple of dates more? Does it have to be an instant attraction? Perhaps you can be attracted to someone who is crazy about you first?

  285.  #286tinque on April 3, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    “I really believe that sex outside of marriage does not work”

    It can and does work very well given the right man.


  286.  #287Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Was studying with a friend the whole day and have to read a bit more.. And then get ready for a date – 3rd guy this weekend. Blind date and he actually sounds nice.. coming to my part of town, asked me about my fav restaurant and made reservation there. He was married before and has a daughter.

  287.  #288Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    @284: Lucy says:
    “… Rori once said I might have to move – maybe tht is true…”

    Nobody??? Are you in a very rural area like PG? Are you doing geographical search area within 10 miles now? Could you extend it to maybe 25-50 miles?”

    Are you sure you aren’t being too picky? I can’t imagine “nobody?” Not even four or five? What’s happening? How many are coming up in the results? Surely a few hundred… There is something happening here if there is nobody.


  288.  #289Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    RE: Kaitlyn #274 – He may, he may not. There is no telling. What there is to ‘get’ is if it’s OVER. If it is, that is his ‘NO’ and you want to honor his ‘no’ and take care of yourself.

    From what I understand Adam is no longer in your life. So then, now he is just a prop that keeps pointing you to your feelings and where you need to heal and grow.

    I don’t want you to resist the tools. There is no more Adam, there is only YOU. How do you now STOP listening to the NV, do things that feel good to you, feel your feelings, CD?

    How do you stop being caught in the lie of love (Rori has an article on this) that this was/ is the only man who could love you and in a certain way?

    What would it look like if you no more analyzed/ considered what Adam could/ would have done?

    What if you looked at an Adam-triggered thought just as a way to get more in touch with YOU and feel more of YOUR feelings and heal and grow?

    Perhaps if I was now having your intense Adam feelings, I would truly and totally feel it. Not even just politely while going about my business or typing online or whatever. I would shut my room door (somewhere really private), take off all my clothes, wail, cry, mourn, let my body writhe in pain and roll/ move around in all directions, let my hair down and mess it up, draw on my body with lipstick, lay on the floor/bed, let my nails dig into things, cry ‘Adam! Adam!’ until I got that it is just ME and I am ME. I love ME and I take care of ME. Then I would hug myself, kiss myself and resolve to continue taking care of me – practicing the tools.

    Gotta feel those feelings somehow.


  289.  #290Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    @288: Alonka

    You and Boomer have all the dates.

    Have fun. 😀


  290.  #291kaitlyn on April 3, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Cd-ing myself tonight at a midnight movie.

  291.  #292Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 2:08 pm


    Lorelei, I hope your ceremony went well and you feel fantastic.

    Thinking of you.


  292.  #293Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    264: SLV

    I need to pick a date as well.



  293.  #294Daria on April 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    On the ski slope. Listening to Sonia choquette too. Was feeling grumpy earlier. Spoke up fir me w mom.

    Lol. I’m feeling…,safe calm.

  294.  #295Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    @283: Queenbee

    I don’t have a feminine energy… 😳 I’m not really into jewels either… hmm, don’t think so..


  295.  #296Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 2:14 pm


    I’m so busy these days, the guy had to send me like 4 emails on Thursday/Friday to get me finally call him (I totally forgot he sent me his number). I felt guilty and called, and only had 10 mins to talk, but he managed to ask me out for tonight. This morning I looked up his profile and got it why I contacted him lol. He does sound nice – strong, creative, very cultured, previously married (and tall!). Giving it a try and thanks for your support as always 😉

  296.  #297Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    # 287 – Tinque – thanks for that. Please then, what is the ‘right man’? How does he behave? How does it work very well? I have no experience with this and would love some insight.


  297.  #298Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 2:20 pm


    ‘I don’t have a feminine energy’ What???

  298.  #299Daria on April 3, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    I feel uncomfortable picking a date for myself. I want to resist this sooo much. I will organically be ready. I Hate fuchkin schedules, feel triggered by them. But I do feel good with planned dates.

    I’d rather cd and heal and explore everything until I find myself kn the relationship I want.

    Deadlines trigger me to rebel and want to smash things.

    I don’t want to feel rushed and I don’t want to feel caged.

    Topic 2 fir me,

    I can imagine I might feel good having a lover. A lover that is wanting to please me. I dont really think about him dussapearing… I dint really notice that stuff.

    But I dud feel bad notvgearibg from security man after we became intimate fir a few days.


    Yeah I feel bad if it went from everyday to none.


    But w another man I sm thinking of, I can imagine I’d feel great if he wanted to please me, and I’d just want him as a lover.

    Then id be chillin until he next contacts me. I eouldny even be paying attention To when.

    Thats cuz i dint really see myself dating him or wanting him forever. Hmm.

    I’d also be taking other livers if they came up.

    But w security man, I did feel the emotional connection and want fif forever and we were in touch almost daily so not hearing from him felt bad.


    I want to have a lover while Im cding. The lOver I had in 2009 I didn’t get attached to…


    But if I was Dating a man I did like and I even wanted sexual exclusivity with him ( which I don’t think I’d care about or want even for myself w a lover that was not about forever). Then I would feel bad.

    Like if I was really close to a man.

    I want to explore.

    I will be having sex as soon as I wax lol.

    I already know!


  299.  #300Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 2:23 pm


    I’m with our girl, Alonka..


  300.  #301Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 2:25 pm


    Hi. We haven’t spoken but I want to make a confession to you.

    I have been reading your posts over the weekend, encouraging other Sirens, specifically, and I am feeling you big time. I feel that you are strong and smart and I’m growing quite fond of you.

    Just thought I would tell you this.

    Ok, back to my corner.


  301.  #302Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    @294: Lilybelle says:
    “…I need to pick a date as well.”

    I think Nanceen was saying about not picking a specific date. I think she might be right about this. When I originally started putting dates in the agenda calendar it was to mark the passage of time as in… in three months how will I feel about XYZ, in four months do I still want to talk to XYZ, in five months I will I feel like running ads in CL… that sort of thing.

    I chose dates according, so everything doesn’t have to happen on that one date. But, it could… and it’s possible in a magical kind of way something could happen exactly on that date that I picked ages ago without knowing why exactly… And I like magical happenings… 😀

    Anyway, writing down or noting in some fashion, an intention, is a big help.

    Choose a date, any date… 😉 Let magic happen. But start working toward it up to that date is maybe the way to go. That’s what I’m trying to do. This is the second use… planning new stuff. I’m just starting this helped by soulmate secret and today by Lorelei. Before I was focused more on old stuff and feelings and events.

    I felt bad and obsessed about something so I gave it over to three months in the future. Amazingly after three months, I have felt different about a whole lot of things. If you feel bad about something and nurse it everyday, like a baby it grows, and next thing you know you have an uncontrolled bad feeling “brat” on your hands.


  302.  #303Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    @297: Alonka says:
    “..@I’m so busy these days, the guy had to send me like 4 emails on Thursday/Friday to get me finally call him (I totally forgot he sent me his number)…”

    Well, well, well. Aren’t you the slinky siren? Doesn’t it feel good?


  303.  #304Jacqueline on April 3, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    I can’t make this girl’s video play past 9 seconds…anyone else have that experience?

    SLV..If you are female, you have a feminine vibe. Can’t be negated….just all sorts of femininity out there – just like we don’t all wear pastels, smile…

    and yep, vibe = emotions can change all over the place in a three month range. Which is cool to remember.

    Alonka! Whooohooo…a Proud Siren Star for you. Very cool!

  304.  #305Jacqueline on April 3, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Lucy – did you see my comment to you on your thoughts?


  305.  #306Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:40 pm


    I’ve never considered myself very “girly.” It think maybe I’m getting girlier… Could be. 😀


  306.  #307tinque on April 3, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Queenbee – This isn’t aren’t easy questions, other women’s experiences may differ. This how it has been for me.

    “How does he behave?” With lust and with great respect. With tender care and much attention to my pleasure. My pleasure is almost always everything. He gets more aroused and more pleasure himself through mine.

    With curiosity and creativity, an interest in exploring new things, tantra for example.

    This has always been there, yet has grown even more so the more we’ve grown together.

    “How does it work very well?” – We do have commitment, yet it was not something we discussed. It was understood, and it just was/is. The more I’ve learned to open myself in all ways, the more amazing it has become, and it continues to do so. Better and better, and it will be nine years together next week.

    The more I open to him, the more he opens to me. The more sensitive I have become in what I feel and experience, the more has he. The more I trust him, the safer we both feel.

    Does this help? You can ask me anything.


  307.  #308Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    303: SLV~

    I believe in magical happenings too.

    Right now, if I were to chose a date for something, I wouldn’t know what to chose FOR the date. I am too much in my head right now and still, am not sure what that is coming from. I tend to believe it is work related as I indicated the other night, (sigh) so it will be interesting to see if I pull myself out after my trip to Tucson this week.

    I have a date in a couple of hours and need to get working on getting my vibe up for that. Because I am so inside my head right now and the wheels haven’t stopped spinning, I would like to cancel but I do know that going is the best thing for me right now. A chance to forget about work, forget about my indecision about the apartment, a chance to be all siren-y and feminine.

    I think it may help. We’ll see.

  308.  #309Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    @305: Jacqueline says:
    “….just all sorts of femininity out there – just like we don’t all wear pastels, smile…”

    Thanks, J I like that. I’m not pastel. I like pastels sometimes though.

    Do you mean Charu? I had to let click on || and let it buffer for a few minutes.

    Are you doing W.I.S.H. Summit those look super too. I just noticed I’m on the wrong Rori tab so I’ll have to switch over… hahaha



  309.  #310Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    RE: 296 SLV says: @283: Queenbee

    I don’t have a feminine energy… I’m not really into jewels either… hmm, don’t think so..

    SLV – LOL, I feel good sharing giggles with you today. You totally have fem energy… just unidentified. It can be things that would have excited us as girls when we were little that somehow became boring and mundane through the years or wrong programming/ criticism etc.

    I’ll explain – for example, wearing make-up, slipping on soft sheer tights, high heels, silk tops – things that make us feel girly.

    There is so much negative programming about a girl expressing her beauty – blonde bimbo, taking 2 hours to get dressed etc. I know I had to go through some of it (I’m not blonde). So we downplay things that make us feel girly. Or getting so busy in life that wearing make-up is just part of getting ready to rush to work. We lose touch somehow and block our connections.

    There are so many ways to connect to fem energy. For eg. some women are obsessed with pink – pink handbag, pink ring, pink everything and you wonder why?

    There are so many ways – red roses or flowers of any type, red lipstick…. you name it.

    I feel something shift in me so now I’m feeling more of my fem energy. At first when Rori wrote it I was like a desert and could not connect to anything – LOL!

    Tomorrow, I will take time and wear my make-up, pucker my lips and apply lip gloss. Slip on my tights like I’m some kind of goddess in a movie (we anticipate a love-making scene) and see how I feel.


  310.  #311Lorelei on April 3, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    Hi everyone

    I have done my release ceremony, took me quite a while to release the old (there were lots of things) and embrace the new beliefs and practices and expectations.

    I feel quite wiped out, actually, not unusual for me after major internal events. But it was very real. Some items on my list, manifested as much bigger deals in the releasing of them that I had realised they would be. Especially big were bitterness about recent events and the breakdown of my marriage, and a pervasive grief from childhood in particular, that I have never been able to integrate or live with.

    All good. It really helped to act it out symbolically, throwing written stuff about what I was releasing on the fire. Don’t know where I got the idea from but for especially hard things I also threw salt on the fire.

    There are some things that I released that I know I may have more work to do on.

    So , now I’m going to bed, as very tired.

    One thing though, about half way through, I became aware of a crowd or cloud of witnesses and supporters around me, encouraging me and being glad for me. They included some of my visible friend and relatives, and some I don’t know, and the Sirens, some more spiritual beings . . . hard to explain but I felt very supported while I was doing this, even though physically on my own.

    Goodnight Sirens.

    Oh, PS, on setting dates for intentions – not so much that we think up a suitable date – and sometimes we can’t get one. But the idea seems to be that if there is a date, it is kind of given to us not planned by us.

    And the picture of the ring, in my calendar, represents not just the ring, but more everything that goes with the ring.

  311.  #312Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    @309: Lilybelle

    Have fun. 😀


  312.  #313Jacqueline on April 3, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    SLV – I really believe that. Rori’s tools equate with femininity here and that’s great. Rori’s a guru of a certain kind or definition of femininity. And it took me awhile to figure out that it’s not the only definition of femininity. Every man I know thinks I am the definition of femininity – and I’m not all that girly, but I am strongly womanly you know? I always felt that there is no one definition of feminine…and pursued it long enough to decide I was right.

    We have babies, we may be more social and/or more verbal, we are less physically strong…we may be more creative due to the having babies idea? and we may be more intuitive per what society says…

    But whatever we ARE, it is feminine – that’s both the good and the bad of being born female. smile…

    and no, I’m doing a lot of blog stuff and reading Dr. Gilda who has all this great stuff on overfunctioning and as soon as I feel better and have more time, I’m going to share it here, because that was another concept that confused me – but she’s very very clear and I think it will be useful to us all.

    So – gonna rest up and heal!! myself physically today and see what the world brings to me this week.

    Hugs to everyone!

  313.  #314Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    312: Lorelei,

    I love this.
    You were most certainly, supported.



  314.  #315Jacqueline on April 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Queenbee – I am totally blonde haired and green but men are blind and call them blue eyes! lol…

    and I love stones, rocks, gems…not just for adornment but for their contribution to the beauty of my world.

    A woman on facebook has a link to gemstone oracle things….

    I’ve dug for crystals in Arkansas, picked up rose quartz in South Dakota…and have a really good eye for flawless diamonds.

    I love rocks – in all forms….

    and good for you to find your feminine allure – smile, a phrase a friend of mine who used to post here used!

  315.  #316Jacqueline on April 3, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    sweetest dreams, Lorelei! Good work too, congrats for your strength!

  316.  #317Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    @312: Lorelei says:
    “… But the idea seems to be that if there is a date, it is kind of given to us not planned by us.
    And the picture of the ring, in my calendar, represents not just the ring, but more everything that goes with the ring…”

    I’m glad it went well. I’m going with the flow on the dates and picking them as them come to me. But one thing i noticed: it’s very nice to take measure, a time to stop, to see where I was and where I am now, like looking on a map.

    The idea about the salt came up in soulmate secret too. A salt bath was used, there was an amount of salt indicated too. I forgot how much, probably it equaled the contents of one of those common round household containers of table salt to be put into a bath tub of warm water.

    I’ll talk to you tomorrow.


  317.  #318Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    @311: Queenbee

    I haven’t worn makeup in years… Maybe I will. I bought a lipstick around Valentine’s Day but I haven’t used it… yet.


  318.  #319Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    @314: Jacqueline says:
    “…– and I’m not all that girly, but I am strongly womanly you know? …”

    Womanly. Yes, amazing you said that. It’s the message I got from my father: “You’re womanly and that’s good enough…”

    Thanks, Jacqueline, for saying this.


  319.  #320Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    #308 Tinque – WOW! Thank you. There is more I want to ask from what you have said. Thank you for allowing me to come to you with more questions.

    I’m not even where Daria is in #300 🙂

    This feels new and like a tiny window open into something amazing.

    Tomorrow is a long day of running around looking gorgeous…. and practicing… 🙂

    Goodnight Sirens!


  320.  #321Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 3:14 pm


    hahaha Oops. 😳 What I typed should be: “…and picking them as they come to me…”

  321.  #322Queenbee on April 3, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    #312 – Congratulations Lorelei! Love it.

    #319 – SLV, Go for it! Please let us know when you do connect with your fem energy and what did it for you. Looking forward to hearing more 🙂

    #316 – Thanks Jacqueline 🙂

    Ok, Goodnight Sirens!

  322.  #323Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 3:25 pm


    My Mom never wears either makeup or jewels. She thinks she looks the best in her natural form 😉 She does not need decoration.

  323.  #324Ella on April 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I intend to have lots of GREAT men asking to take me out.

    I also intend to be wealthy and healthy.

    I intend to have a rich life.

    But right for now I intend to have an excess of sexy, interesting clammouring for my attention.

    And I don’t have to do a thing!


  324.  #325Ella on April 3, 2011 at 4:08 pm


    Thanks for all your support and ideas.

    I feel inspired.

    I do CD, and I do let even uniteresting/unsexy ones take me out and pay for me.

    I have less dates since I have not renewed my profiles on dating sites, and to be honest I don’t want to… and want to see if I can CD without them (little experiment).

    So far it is going ok… I have been getting dates, less than when on the sites… but they are still coming.

    I will see how it goes.

    Right now my energy is mainly on me, my life and my work, rather than dating sites.

    I will still make time for real dates though.


  325.  #326luzydel on April 3, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Well, sirens.

    I followed your advice and emailed E. I have nothing to loose and there is not expectations. Just trying to see if shifting my vibe works for me.

    I will let you know if he writes back.

  326.  #327Ella on April 3, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    I intend to love myself up so darned much that I am overflowing… full to bursting, and I don’t give a d7mn what people think.

    I intend to be able to recieve love in all forms!


  327.  #328Angel Lady on April 3, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    Hello Beautiful Sirens!

    You know I picture all of us frolicking around on a beautiful island together often now and it brings a big smile to my face.

    I would love some help from you. I can “feel” that JJ is going to ask me soon about our status and if I am dating other men. He called over the weekend while out of town at very “obvious” times that he is checking up on me. Like 1am Friday evening and Saturday at 10:30pm. After not hearing from him for most of the week. And of course, I was out having fun on Saturday and sleeping Friday at that time.

    After our no sex conversation the day he left, I can just feel that he is wondering what is going on. I have tried writing out speeches and I am very in my head about it all.

    I would love some help with this. He tends to be pretty possesive and even though we have been split up for awhile, I know that me CDing will not go over well. I would love for it to work with him, but we were exclusive for 2.5 years up until 4 months ago and I am simply tired of waiting for him when it comes to moving forward on moving into together, getting married and starting a family. He says he wants all these things, yet doesn’t ever take action on creating them. He has also been unemployed from a layoff for a long time and that has become unacceptable to me any longer. I understand if he wants to just cruise right now, but I don’t.

    So, I am worried about having the converstation go badly because I don’t want it to be about all that he is not. I just don’t feel secure that he can or wants to move forward to take care of me and my son. And I think 2.5 years is more than enough time for him to have taken action with me if he is serious about it. Now I am keeping my options open and have welcomed him back warmly to be a PART of my life and dating. I am not comfortable putting all my eggs in that basket anymore though, even though I want it to move forward.

    I think I am worried that me dating other people will chase him away. It would chase me away if he was.

    Seems like a double standard.

    Any thoughts or feelings ladies that will help me get myself clear before having this conversation?

  328.  #329Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    @324: Alonka says:
    “… She does not need decoration…”

    I do. Maybe. hahaha LOL 😆

    I bet she is very pretty, as you are. That is an advantage to start with.


  329.  #330turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    What a crappy end to my day. Just called my ex to discuss a financial issue and he was in a terrible mood, started a fight about something from years ago. I said I didn’t want to fight, he seemed in a bad mood and it wasn’t getting us anywhere. He wouldn’t let it go, yelled at me… restrained from calling me a bit#h, but managed to get stupid in there before I got off the phone. I said that we just remember things differently, we’ve had this same fight before, why bring it up now… can’t we just agree to disagree and put it behind us? NOPE. He wasn’t up for that. So, I feel terrible, sent the girls to get ready for bed…. and came here to let it out. It’s so frustrating. We have been getting along really well for awhile now. There is a chance he’s redeploying in June to Afghanistan, after just getting back in December. Not his whole unit, just him… and he won’t try to fight it (even though he’s supposed to be home at least 12 months between deployments) because that would make him look bad to the army. (he thinks this) It’s always his first priority. I just honestly don’t know how much more of this our girls can take. He just got home 4 months ago, Chloe is finally starting to relax, and instead of even considering that what is best for the girls, safest for him, is more important than what someone might think of him in his career field, it’s not even up for discussion. Not like he might not get killed over there…. his reputation is more important. I don’t even know what to say to that. I feel it’s so unfair that he just left us, went on with his career (out of the state and country), and I have the girls almost all the time. In the past 5 years, he spent 16 months in Iraq, 10 months in Afghanistan, 10 months in Kansas where he saw them twice… and while he’s gone, he gushes on and on about how much he misses them, how he’ll try to get stationed closer to home, will retire as soon as his 20 years are in… and then within a month or two of his return, all that goes out the window. I know he loves the girls tremendously. It’s just different than how I love them. I’d sacrifice anything for my girls. He is willing to sacrifice his time with them, to provide financially and have the career he wants. I work a decent part time job, but won’t even consider having a high stress job until they are older, my career can wait.

  330.  #331turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    SLV, I did mean he’s not attractive. At least not to me.

    Alonka, I’d be willing to see him again as friends, but I know myself, and I would be settling if I tried to have a relationship with him. I wouldn’t want someone to do that with me, so can’t do that to someone else. I’m not overly picky either, I’ve dated balding guys, overweight, older, younger, short, very tall… none of which would be my ideal…. but there has to be some chemistry and connection. I felt zero.


    SLV, good point about the pictures. I’ve had guys tell me I’m prettier in person, but I do think my pics that are posted are at my best angles… hair looks great, I’m madeup. I don’t have any pics of me up that are just normal… running to the store looks.

  331.  #332Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart Lilybelle!! So often I felt like a pic in a museum hanging on the wall, unseen…not here necessarily but in the past, Thank you!! It feels so good to have my strength be seen, then it feels more real.

    Jaqueline..me blonde and green eyed too, men do say they are blue sometimes but no, blue to me is Elizabeth Taylor blue…Truman Capote once met her and said she has violet eyes to die for. Well I say Jaqueline and I have endless emerald eyes.

    SVL: NO MAKEUP FOR YEARS? Not even lip gloss? Is that medically possible?

    Alonka: some women look really good and feel perfectly comfortable with no jewels or makeup. Its totally whatever floats your boat. My other sis never wore any makeup. It suited her.

    QueenBee: the waiting till marriage. it is totally possible. and a lot more people do it than you think. Lots of christians do and other religions. When you really and truly feel it in your heart that you will feel safest that way, go for it. What do guys do? Masterbate, fantasize, date you, push you a little, makeout like crazy with you (you gotta learn to put on the brakes, it is tough, you make rules what you can and cannot do) you get to the point where you can hardly keep your hands off of each other. And you are in total control. I remember telling my husband to be I was getting my period and just wanted to go home and he was fine with it. He asked to marry me in June and we married in Sept.

    One of the most impressive books I ever read was by Elizabeth Elliot. She met her husband at college when she was 20. She saved all her letters to and from him. She wrote a book about their romance and printed all the letters. You see the struggles, her frustration (she kept focusing on him and he was either busy or not ready), their separations and humor. She is pretty open and blunt. It was not easy and I am not advocating someone waiting seven years (they were missionaries in training) but when they did marry her husband to be said something to her like “you are mine, totally unravished”, she describes her honeymoon as “indescribably worth the wait” and one of the chapters of the book is entitled “four bare legs and a bed”. People can and do wait, its a whole different way to approach it and worth exploring. And it is extremely revealing about a man. Some men are so startled it gets them wondering and not negatively. If you think about it, why bother sleeping with anyone if you simply want to be with the right man? Maybe its where your bar needs to be raised. I know it made me feel unbelievably safe and powerful. and I was able to resist the men that were incredulous. I dont think it was so much a character judgement about them as their imagination was limited. And if you are older it makes even more sense. You get right down to brass tacks. Two adults can fool around so much you know damn well its gonna work when you do the deed. Its a very different approach and worth thinking about.

  332.  #333Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    @331: turquoise3 says:
    “…. how he’ll try to get stationed closer to home, will retire as soon as his 20 years are in…”

    What date is that? It seems he has a plan; that gives you something to work with…


  333.  #334Kristine on April 3, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    I want to know….why do guys have to be so complicated and we women the same I hate it…I hate cding just focusing on me now don’t even care about dating. I can’t I have to build my life for my children first anyways!!!!GRR…venting

  334.  #335Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    @333: Nanceen says:
    “…SVL: NO MAKEUP FOR YEARS? Not even lip gloss? Is that medically possible? …


    See, aren’t you glad you returned? Now you can do your missionary duty. 😛

    Love ya!


  335.  #336luzydel on April 3, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    🙁 I was cleaning up my laptop and found a picture of Me And D… I wont delete it, it s a nice picture he has his arms around me and kissing my fore head, it feels good to look at it… like he really likes me there.

    I miss him, but I wont chase him.

  336.  #337Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    UGH. Shortest. Date. Ever.

    This is supposed to be about practice, right? I feel I had a lot of chances for practicing. Oy.

    This was another “21st” century man. Feels women are dating alot because they are trying to get as many “free dinners and drinks” as they can. He also indicated that the expense should be shared until people are in a committed relationship. Huh? What?

    I said. “that feels icky to me.”

    What feels icky?

    I said, I feel icky hearing you say that women are trying to get as many free dinners as possible. That feels like a generalization of all women and I feel icky hearing that.

    The whole thing surrounded money. His wife made more, his daughter wants to shop all the time, women want men for free dinners, blah blah blah.

    I kept my eyes locked on him and he always looked away, he even tried to tell me what i was thinking once. What?

    Ick. I played my girl part right, and he paid for my one beer.


  337.  #338Senior Lady Vibe on April 3, 2011 at 6:36 pm


    Are you there? I think I know what you mean by the lean pickings on online dating sites. I spend hour or so tonight and was disappointed.

    Also tonight’s search affirmed how photos can be deceiving. I saw this guy tonight that I’d seen before on POF and he looked like a “possibility”: tall, attractive grandfather…in the photo he had posted.

    Well! I ran across him on another site and he had additional photos! Motorcycles, leather vest, chains, and wearing one of those calico bandanas on his head…I think I saw tatts too! One of the photos had more motorcycles! and woman in denim booty shorts…it was finally revealed that was his daughter.

    Oh, well…. Sweetie, says “don’t worry about it, tip on past…” So we are going out for a walk and getting some pizza for late dinner because we didn’t feel like cooking or ordering any nutritious food. We don’t have children to feed so we said forget nutrition.. I don’t think I’ve had pizza this year so … off we go and we’ll come back and watch a movie if we can stay awake… LOL

    😀 I think I’d be doing this kind of stuff with a hubby…


  338.  #339Angel Lady on April 3, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    I am going to work through my feelings here. Maybe that will help.

    I feel confused and unsure that we are on the same page about what we want.

    I feel insecure and doubtful wondering if you are just telling me what you think I want to hear.

    I feel afraid that I may be investing too much in someone who doesn’t see a future with me.

    I feel unsure because you have expressed spending years with other woman even when you knew they weren’t the “one” for you. I wonder if you are doing that with me?

    I feel frustrated and put off because the only times you mention moving forward in any way is when I am on my way out the door or we broke up. It feels like a carrot dangled in front of me.

    I feel uptight, insercure and controlling when it feels like all my eggs are in one basket that doesn’t feel safe and secure.

    I don’t want to put pressure on you or this relationship to be more than what it is right now. That feels bad.

    What do you think?

    I feel judgemental with most of those statements above and they feel attacking. When I go through and take out all the parts about him it looks like…

    I feel confused and unsure.
    I feel afraid I am overinvesting.
    I feel frustrated and put off like there is a carrot being dangled that I never get.

    I feel doubtful if there is a plan for the future.
    I feel insecure, uptight and controlling when i have all my eggs in one basket that doesn’t feel safe and secure.

    I don’t want to put pressure on you or this relationship to be more than what it is right now. That feels bad.

    What do you think?

    Is that my speech? Will it make sense if I don’t give all the reasons I feel how I feel? Just state how I feel. This feels weird. lol… This analyzing man is going to look at me like I have lost my mind.

    hahahahahahahaha…. I would prefer that at this point.

  339.  #340Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 6:37 pm


    Today is just a wrong date day lol. Got back from mine – the guy told me that we went out once about 2 years ago! And then I said I wasn’t interested. I had no recollection of the above!! Until he started talking about his work and mentioned that he’s about to launch 2 new documentary films – they’re coming out 2-3 months from now. SO – 2 years ago – it was the same story! I remembered the story. I didn’t tell him that, but once he said it, I remembered. 😉

    Also, he says in his profile that he’s 46, but his daughter is 25. And he doesn’t look 46.

  340.  #341Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 6:43 pm


    #330: Thank you for the compliments. I’m not like my Mom, I use some makeup and some jewelry, though not too much on both. She is just very modest and honest I would call it – she ‘prefers’ to be natural and it’s not because she thinks she is beautiful, it’s just who she is.

    I heard that lipstick bought on Valentines brings luck 😉

  341.  #342Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 6:43 pm


    LOL, Alonka. I would have had a hard time not saying something about the documentary’s.

    “I feel confused, I remember hearing they were going to be released shortly after we met the first time.”

    hee hee

    Practice, practice, practice.

  342.  #343luzydel on April 3, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    335: Kristine

    The less expectations you have, the less disappointments you will get.

    I am learning that baby steps; I know we all want to just meet that man, and stop dating and spend all the time with him, but it seems we have to meet the ones that are ahead in line to get to Him.

    I am still hesitant to going back to CDing, but I will do it eventually, just reopened OK cupid…

  343.  #344Daria on April 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Alonka – what tools did you practice?

    Did you express any feelings ? What were they?

    How Did you feel?

    — the above is what I focus on all my dates, rather than if the man is the one —

  344.  #345Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm


    Tomorrow is another day. This Sunday is officially – almost – over!!

    Are you on match by any chance? According to Boomer match went to a spring mode recently, lots of eager guys 😉

  345.  #346Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    Just got home, need to catch up on here, but have another question: You’re on a date, both talking about what went wrong in your marriages. You mention your truck driver ex-h’s involvement with prostitutes while on the road. Your date responds, “I’m not saying it’s right, but when you’re on the road like that it gets lonely and it’s a temptation.” My question is – would you ladies see that response as a red flag – like it kinda sounds like maybe he did it too??? What do you think?

  346.  #347Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Daria, Lilybelle,

    I know, I got lazy 2nd night in a row. Not good 😉 Just couldn’t bring myself to engage into a documentary discussion. What would it change? Plus wanted to go home FAST.

  347.  #348Daria on April 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Alonka – it would change everuthing to engage in authenticity.

    Otherwise just wasting your time.

    The purpose of CD is to practice authenticity. This is why it’s Great to have a date with a man like this… It’s challenging to be authentic.

    Every date is a chance to a protective a tool and feeling message. There’s no other purpose. Judging the man hit potential is Not the purpose.

  348.  #349Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm


    I have a not-very-smart habit to start protecting people I don’t know when I hear in a random conversation that someone is not happy about what they did. I probably wouldn’t say that about someone cheating on their spouse, but sure could put in my 2 cents about something I didn’t really know. Just for your consideration, it can be partially a bad habit on his side.

  349.  #350Boomer on April 3, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Hi, Sirens. Big CD weekend is behind me.

    Two canceled on me. I canceled on one. My cancellation was a friend, and he said he was not feeling well, either, so I did not feel so bad.

    All of the new ones seem like good men I could really like. Mostly “my type” (educated, professional/entrepreneurial, articulate but funny/charming/relaxed) and all older than I am, which is a new approach I am taking. One of the bodybuilder guys was so attractive and so attentive. He’s been texting me non-stop ever since. It all felt really good. I had a very “pretty” weekend too, with cooperative hair and make-up. I felt really good about my body too.

    I also treated myself yesterday to a sushi lunch, a manicure, and a massage. A good and exhausting weekend. I like my vibe. My confidence is growing by the day.

    Had a weird encounter with Alpha/Eeyore last night that


  350.  #351Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 7:05 pm


    Thanks, right, but I got tired and wanted to peacefully escape. Plus this way I didn’t spoil his night more that I had to – what if his career is not going the way he wants it to, why would I throw it in his face? He is not a bad person, I don’t think so, just perhaps not as successful as he wants to be.

  351.  #352Boomer on April 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    Had a weird encounter with Alpha/Eeyore last night that I am still processing. I may or may not talk about it here.

    But I hope everyone had a great weekend, and I appreciate everyone here and their advice and support. It has made such a difference for me in the many weeks I’ve been here.

    Thank you 🙂

  352.  #353Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm


    Daria, I can see why someone wouldn’t want to engage. I surely didn’t want to with my CD this evening but promptly gave myself a mental reminder of why I was there so I practiced, practiced, practiced.

    It’s hard, it takes effort. But, I left with a smile on my face knowing that I was authentic in how I felt..

    I hope I did okay.

    What do you think?

  353.  #354Daria on April 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    If you missed the chance on the date/therapy to practice a tool or feeling message…

    Then now you can look back and check: how did I feel?

    And redo some scenarios as if u did practice:

    Ex: “ohh that feels weird… I remember that… Hmm I feel uncomfortable to share this, but the truth is I feel kind of judgmental as I remember hearing they were going to be released then.. I feel a lil suspicious and disconnected”

    Practice expressing is the ONLY purpose of a cd.

    We are there to practice new ways of being more authentic – so we can attract a partner that can do a great relationship.

    We are not ready yet. So we are practicing changing US.

    This is how CD becomes exciting and transformative and ME focused.

  354.  #355Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    It’s a total mind switch to get into feeling mode, especially when not being used to doing so and so if one doesn’t feel like being engaged, it’s easier to shut down and move on.

  355.  #356Daria on April 3, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Lilybrlle – yay! Whenever I share a feeling message in. Moment where I feel uncomfortable… I feel a little thrill of joy at my bravery and my self esteem lifts.

  356.  #357Daria on April 3, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    Alonka – being inauthentic always does the other person and your own self a disservice.

    There’s no need to judge him… Instead get HONEST … And get curious…

    I wonder what did happen?

  357.  #358Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 7:13 pm


    Boomer? Are you okay?


  358.  #359Daria on April 3, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    I feel bad talking this way. I’m triggered and am in shaming mode.

    I feel uncomfortable and bad reading about men being judged and purpose of CD missed.

    I feel dissapoimted not hearing about the thrill of a new tool put in practice or an amazing tiny step to authenticity.

    I feel angry and drained reading the stuff That triggered me.

  359.  #360Alonka on April 3, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Daria, this idea didn’t even come to my mind. I just felt – oh this guy is a def no, how do I make it least unpleasant for him.

    But then yes, I didn’t practice.

  360.  #361Boomer on April 3, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Lillybelle, yeah, I am OK. He just got aggressive. I handled it. He seemed to need to be dominating to express his “masculine energy.” He thought I wanted that. I did not. I had a deep and exhausting crying jag. It was needed. It was very cathartic. He understood immediately that he had overstepped and tried to be very gentle and “care-givey,” but I was pretty fried. I’m not sure if I will see him again. Making no decisions while I am feeling vulnerable.

    The other CDs this weekend were great practice. I reveled in my femininity with them. But I also got to “be me,” and express my humor and interests.

  361.  #362Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 7:28 pm


    Thanks, Daria. I feel proud about my being able to re-kick myself back into feeling mode and state my discomfort. Not an easy task for a former “stuffer”. 😉


  362.  #363Darling Ella on April 3, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Deep confusion…Who the f*** am I?

    Talk about authenticity…

    I feel scared and doubtful that I may not be expressing my true self.

    This is a first in my five years of dating where men literally disappear on me; one date…and boom gone…they talk about seeing each other again…then, never hear from them again…not that I mind…but, my ego does for some reason…

    Most men I have talked to this time around are looking to settle down…they want a relationship…I feel confused about what I want…

    I feel greedy…where fear of missing on a better one out there for me…and fear of settling for someone not good for me (me missing the target again)…

    They talk about blocks created in our minds…conscientious and sub-conscientious…
    I want to find them…yet

    I feel tired…is like I want someone else to make it easier for me…and tell me what to do…by the hand…like a little kid

    I fear I value sexual intimacy more than I need to
    I want a man who can go for a long round…and often

    I want a man I can talk to about sex…my intimate thoughts and desires

    I feel afraid if I hold on to sex…I might fall in love with a man who will release quickly and not want to or can’t take care of the problem – Yuck…I remembered my marriage

    I feel afraid I will want to lead in my sexual intimacy…and I sure don’t want to…I want to feel pleasured…

    I fear rejection or being turned off, resentful, etc…

    I want to feel open to exploring sex with different partners – and not be fearful of it

    The main fear, I will not enjoy it…and feel yucky with myself – will reject my sexuality instead of embrace it…

    Interesting though, I don’t care being judged by others…but I do care and fear my own self-judgments…


  363.  #364Lilybelle on April 3, 2011 at 7:34 pm


    Oh Boomer. Tight hugs to you.

    You are wise, trusting yourself enough to not make a decision right now… I like it and you.

    Be gentle with you.

    Happy to hear the rest of the weekend went well.

  364.  #365sweetmandm on April 3, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    I had the best day with H, the man I have been in strong like with since last Sept. We spent the day together and I am feeling proud and happy! I feel like I really practiced so much today, that I need a few days just to reflect and take it all in. Today I felt grounded and I FELT THINGS, I was not numb, I could identify feelings and I FELT and I melted into my chair and I expressed feelings and Lady’s I just can’t express it all. For the first time I felt some of these things working in me! I have been somewhat frustrated, not feeling I was capable of getting anywhere here, but today was a true turning point. I want to continue on in this way.

    I want to continue to not have expectations. I hope that it isn’t as difficult as I would anticipate, but I had such an awesome breakthrough time today, he and I finally made a shift. I I I (I) made a shift, more importantly! This stuff can actually work!!

    Today I promise me, to continue CDing till I get more spoken commitment!

    Today I OWN SIREN!

    I AM the WW drawing in all of the love I can myself, while I generate it for ALL!

    I love me and I appreciate and love all of my sisters here! I learn from you! Thank you for a safe place to express my feelings and fears!!

    I will say, that if I had the choice of who to spend some girl time with sitting around a table and chatting, everyone of you would be there. I feel that is how it is on here anyway, I am just often the quiet listener and observer that jumps in every now and then 😉


  365.  #366Angel Lady on April 3, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Darling Ella,

    I am sending you a virtal hug. I wish I could just hold you and tell you everything will be ok. Make sure to do this for yourself tonight. Maybe let a hot bath hug you. See yourself soaking in love.

    The feelings you are having can be so hard to experience.

    I just want you to know I care and you are not alone in the world. We are all just here learning and wherever you are at is perfect. If it was supposed to be different, it would be.

    We never know what we are learning in the middle of it…. we always look back at these times and go
    “oh shit! thats what that was… thank god for that”

  366.  #367Boomer on April 3, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Darling Ella…I identify with the greedy fear. I feel afraid of committing to one when there are so many out there! But I think I am more tired of all the variety than I am fearful of picking just one.


  367.  #368Darling Ella on April 3, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Thank u Angel Lady…I welcome and embrace your very beautiful thoughts…

    Warm hugs,

  368.  #369Darling Ella on April 3, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Thank u Boomer…I feel comforted I am not alone having these thoughts 🙁

    Warm hugs,

  369.  #370turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    Daria, I wonder about being authentic if it’s shaming someone else? For Alonka to say she remembered him telling he that before may have deeply embarrassed him. While I understand the quest to be honest with ourselves and others, is it a positive thing to point out to a man when we think something sounds suspicious or false? If a man did that to me, I would get defensive and put a wall up. I don’t like to fight, so maybe it’s just my personality,… but it seems to tell someone you feel badly by what they are doing and saying, especially on a first date, seems negative and would make things akward, even could cause a scene. I see though, that maybe I’m only interested in working “hard” on a relationship when I am already in one, and vested in the outcome. That might be a big fault of mine.

  370.  #371Angel Lady on April 3, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Daria – thank you for bring such a great reminder to me today. and on so many other days. 🙂

  371.  #372Darling Ella on April 3, 2011 at 8:07 pm


    If what we are is what we attract…does it mean the men I have seen/been with…have the same fear??? of settling to one when there are so many more out there???

    How can I stop this??? I have to heal this part of me…and relieve this fear…and all the other …

    But, I resist to it though…That means homework…I feel tired…I feel like a stubborn kid…but why???

  372.  #373Boomer on April 3, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Lillybelle, thanks 🙂 Means a lot.

  373.  #374turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Boomer, happy to hear about your positive dating experiences and that you met men you felt potential with. 🙂 Sorry about Alpha, glad you are ok and not making a rash decision. I think when we do, we often question it afterwards. Take care of you!

  374.  #375T-Girl on April 3, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    I am exhausted and feeling a little beat up. I feeling messaged my way to a CD who is turning out to be a good friend yet I slipped and got intimate with. I did not get the outcome I wanted with my feeling messages…I keep stopping myself from texting or emailing again. I don’t know why I care so much since I know he is not the one for me. Maybe it hurts because he in his own way disappeared too, just like everyone else I get intimate with? I don’t know how to process this hurt…

  375.  #376Angel Lady on April 3, 2011 at 8:11 pm


    I can see that I am still being so masculine trying to control outcomes….rather than just feeling and expressing my truth.

    As usual, I am worried about how HE feels rather than how I feel. I am worried about how HE will take it and respond rather than just simply being honest.

    I will try that this week. Be soft. Be warm. Be inviting. Be honest about my feelings if something comes up. But I will not analyze it and figure it out before it has even happed yet.

    Argh! this damm habbit of being masculine feels frustrating to me.

  376.  #377Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    Lilybelle , short date guy. He’s venting on you because he is not assertive enough to stand up to the women in his life and their spending habits. As far as women getting free dinner and drinks, well first it starts with coffee or a soda and if he wants another date he should plan it, meaning he picks the restaurant meaning he does not have to pick a five star $200 a bottle wine place.

    Lucy, I thought a lot about this…yes red flag. Prostitutes are NOT a temptation for the type of guy you want in your life and you deserve. There are men that want nothing to do with them and are not excited by them.

    SVL: start easy with some cherry flavored chapstick. or peppermint. For sweet kisses.

  377.  #378turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    SLV, my ex can retire from the army in late 2015 or 2016.

    Ok, so what tools did I practice on my date today?

    Eye contact, he seemed nervous by it, but I maintained good eye contact.

    I didn’t interrupt him while he talked.

    I asked him to tell me more/elaborate about a few things he brought up.

    I smiled a lot, laughed, and thought that even though he was not my type, I’d practice.

    I let him pay, thanked him for lunch.

    Before I went in to meet him, I checked myself out in the mirror and told myself, I am the yummy pie! 🙂

    Things I flaked on…. I talked too much and too quickly, did not have a siren song escaping my lips today.

    I talked about other relationships… bad dates I’ve met online. Too much.

    He asked me if he looked like his pictures, I lied and said yes. Didn’t want to embarass him and say he looked older, less attractive.

    I could tell he wanted to hug me goodbye, but wasn’t receptive to any touching…. even though I may have been pleasantly surprised. Still yuck though thinking about it… and I’m REALLY not a picky girl when it comes to looks. Just not attracted to him at all. So, maybe that isn’t a negative. I had a boundry, didn’t do something that I didnt’ feel comfortable with.

    I need to go re-read the rules before my date with Todd on Wednesday. I know I talk too much.

  378.  #379turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    Lucy I say red flag too.

  379.  #380Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Just float T-girl and let time soften the edges.

    Its so hard for me to read about these disappearing men.

    What is a man not saying or doing that could let a woman know he still has the potential to disappear? I would like to compile from lots of women the times when men have disapeared. Examine this data, average it out. I bet there is a time period and if a woman can stay more detached until this mark is reached, she won’t feel so blindsided if does happens. Everybody send me how many days, weeks a man dated steadily and then went poof.

  380.  #381turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    T-Girl… I can relate. I think it’s just rejection, and it hurts… weather we’d want them or not, knowing they don’t choose us, can still sting.

    I don’t even know what I want right now. Feeling disenchanged with dating and relationships. Hmm… need to process that, what do I want, why do I want it? What is it’s value to me? What will I do to have what I want?

  381.  #382Boomer on April 3, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    Turquiose -yep me too. Too talky. BuffAndHairy told me I was “adorable” and he loves my personality. I think there’s a weird line we walk between being true to ourselves and doing the tools. I feel conflicted.

  382.  #383turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    Nanceen, it’s always after sex for me that they poof. I waited a month to sleep with Tom, and he started to pull back right after that. I reached out to him a few days later, he responded that he’d been very sick. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but with in the next three weeks, I saw him only once each week, and the communication during the week was greatly cut back. Eventually, he just poofed, at the 2 month point, and I haven’t heard from him since. (about 3 weeks now)

  383.  #384turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Me too Boomer… conflicted. 🙁 I want to follow the rules, experiment, but ultimately, I am who I am, and can grow, but real change is hard… and I always come back to that same thought you have, you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man. There are women out there who are complete bit$hes to men, and have them totally in love with them. How can they be doing the rules and leaning back, letting them lead, when they are controlling everything and it works? I know their vibe is different, and I wouldn’t want that… but even if I learn to apply all the rules perfectly, still no guarantee I’ll meet the right man for me.

  384.  #385Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:28 pm

    Lucy there are men that are repulsed by hookers. Men that have never been with one and never considered it.

    I want you to picture a man in your life looking at you incredulously and say “ME?! go to a prostitute? What are you crazy? NEVER have and never will. I want you to visualize your dream man walking down the street and a crack ho giving him the eye and him looking away like he saw a puddle of vomit on the street.

  385.  #386T-Girl on April 3, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    RE 382 Turquise, yes it is definitely rejection, and it stings. To be told I am wife and girlfriend material, to show up in my driveway and get a text asking me to come out for a quick kiss one day…and then another day to tell me that he is freaking out and falling for me but I haven’t been divorced long enough. Yet he then pursues someone who is separated. Agggghhhh! Why did I cross the line and be intimate with him when I knew better. It is totally my fault…I get that part. But it still hurts.

    I am beginning to think that I view sex as a way to feel loved since I didn’t feel love in my 20 year marriage?

  386.  #387Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:32 pm


    Would you consider waiting longer and having a very good speech prepared for why you want to?

    30 days may be your poof mark.

  387.  #388T-Girl on April 3, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    Nanceen – for me it is always after sex that my men go poof too. Except for GiddyAsASchoolBoy – not sure what happened with him. I used all my tools, things were going ok. He told me he thought of me daily, and then poof!

  388.  #389Boomer on April 3, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Hey, Nanceen. Not sure if it’s John Gray material from the Soul Mate Summit or if it was Christian Carter…I think John Gray.

    He says after an intense bonding with a woman–be it sexual, emotional–a man withdraws to recharge his testosterone. Literally. The intensity of the bonding depletes his hormone levels and he has to withdraw. It is not as much psychological as it is chemical. He almost CAN”T maintain the intensity because he is not in his masculine energy quite literally. And we have to let him. It’s “in the space that men fall in love.”

    But we blow it when we pursue, follow-up, get shrill and needy in his needed space time because we’re so confused. And it’s almost like we permanently damage his attraction to us by jumping on him when HE is in this vulnerable state.

    This is how I understand it.

    So, it seems to me that after your initial bout of intensity with a man–you must let him retreat. Prepare yourself for this certainty by not getting too invested. By not letting him convince you to be in an “instant relationship” (they all seem so sure you’re “the one” while the testosterone is high, then…poof!). By CDing so he’s not the only one who claims your attention.

    So that’s “when” it happens. No clear date or number of days into the affair…but be aware of the initial intensity…and be prepared for “poofery.”

  389.  #390Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:36 pm

    t-girl that was a massively insincere man and he was also feeling a lot of intense emotions for you at the moment.

    that is tough I would fall for the “wife material” stuff too. I would eat it up.

    Dont fall for that “you are not divorced long enough shit” You tell them flat out you and you alone know exactly where you are at and you know you are ready for what you want. I had bf do that and I read him the riot act. I had been divorced emotionally for five years before it was on paper and made it very clear. I was mad because if there is one thing I hate is someone telling ME what I FEEL.

  390.  #391Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Boomer excellent advice, I remember reading something similar but could not quite recall it, I am so glad you put this up….this will help a lot of women here. It makes so much sense.

    I do leave my bf alone for a few days after an encounter, be it sex or conflict…however, we have been together for several years but I still feel he needs this. I always sensed they needed to settle down, get a chance to regroup…what you said really confirms it…

  391.  #392Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Re: “taking a lover.” I would like to do that bc I do want sex but the problem I run into is that the Man falls in love and wants it to be more (mushy romantic lovey dovey marriage etc). Plus they get “addicted” to being with me.

  392.  #393T-Girl on April 3, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Nanceen I so relate to you there about the divorce thing. People wonder why I was ok after my divorce and it is because I too was emotionally divorced for quite some time before it was on paper. Why can’t people get that??

    The one thing that I am having a hard time with is the sex part. I married the only man I ever had sex with. Since my divorce there have been 3 others – all gone poof. Not a very good self esteem builder.

  393.  #394Darling Ella on April 3, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Hmm….I pondered over my statement of not knowing what I want when asked by a man…

    I just found my answer “I want to feel surprised…” So, till I know more about what I want…this is the most honest answer I can give…

    I actually feel good about it…

  394.  #395T-Girl on April 3, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Well, I’m not going to let the poofers mess with my self esteem anymore. I joined up with several Meet Up singles groups in my area and will be attending my first event on Tuesday. It will be good to get out and try meeting men in the real world instead of the online world.

  395.  #396Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I love the answer Ella!!! Going to use it.

    Yes T-girl, we get used to married sex, we have it and there are no consequences. Consider telling men you want to wait until you are married. Sexuality is about choice. Even a priest or nun is a seuxal person they just choose to stay celibate. I put a huge post on about this a while back.

    Its kind of freaky when you get out in the dating world. Be very firm you are fine after the divorce. “think what you want dude but I know what is in my heart”.

    ha ha boomer, my research has already been done by other people. (thank God)

  396.  #397Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    I never could do the online thing. I did a few years back it just never worked out for me. Not for everyone.

  397.  #398T-Girl on April 3, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    395 Darling Ella, I love that response! I used to hate surprises. Now since I have been dating I find that I love surprises! I want to be surprised too! But in a good way lol…

  398.  #399turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    Nanceen, it wasn’t the fact that it had been a month, so I had sex because we made it that far… it was that we’d had 7 really great dates and I felt confident we were on the same page, wanting the same thing… he really didn’t seem like a player at all, but he may have just told me what I needed to hear.

    I tried to be ok with the distance, I read that CC article too… but in the moment, feeling ignored, and trying to use my feeling messages to him to express that I liked hearing from him… probably scared him off. The thing is though, I don’t want someone who scares off easily. Life is hard, relationships have ups and downs… if my telling a guy it would feel great to hear from him more is enough to make him run… what would make him stick when things got tough? I need a man with a thicker skin. I’m a sagittarius… I’m blunt and honest and chatty, and loyal and attentive, and sexy and fun… I AM the yummy pie. I just need a guy who loves my flavor 🙂

  399.  #400Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 9:17 pm

    Nanceen, I appreciate your thoughts about “waiting til marriage.” Thanks for sharing. Very insightful. Jacqueline, yes, thanks for your comments about my thoughts. 🙂 Camile, I’m curious – what do you do for health insurance if you only have a PT job?

  400.  #401Daria on April 3, 2011 at 9:20 pm

    Lucy – rori says that how it’s supposed to work w a lover, we are to pick ones that are into u’s and would want more, but we don’t want more with them.

  401.  #402turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    Lucy, I don’t have any. I work 34-38 hrs. a week, but it’s not even offered at my company because all the guys are union, and then it’s just me and one other woman besides the owner. They each have their own policies.

    I have looked at just paying for it on my own, but it would be about 300 a month for a decent package, and I don’t have it. SO, luckily I haven’t gotten really sick. I haven’t had insurance for almost 3 years. I have some credit card debt that I’m paying down. Once that is gone, if I’m not in a full time position with benefits somewhere, I’ll pay for it myself. Basically, I just pray nothing happens to me until then.

  402.  #403kaitlyn on April 3, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    Lucy, I am turned on by men who have seen prostitutes. Weird, huh?

  403.  #404Daria on April 3, 2011 at 9:23 pm

    Ok you know some women on the blog have worked in the sex industry and prostitution and I don’t want them to feel bad and judged here.

    I feel angry about man wens comment I want to attack but instead will stop.

  404.  #405turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I have considered getting a package now with a high deductible. Basically, I could get one for about $100 a month, but then might have a $5000 deductible, so I’d still pay the first 5 grand in dr. office visits, lab fees, etc. but if something major happened, needed surgery, etc. I wouldn’t be responsible for all of it. I’m actually going to start looking for another job… see what is out there. It’s scary not having insurance.

  405.  #406Daria on April 3, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    no woman is a pile of vomit even if she’s a crack ho. Or needs to be looked at that way to make another woman feel better.

    Super pist.

    Am in a really triggered place now I posted on last thread accidentally instead of here.

  406.  #407turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    Lucy, #393… might be nice to have that problem 🙂

  407.  #408Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    Call Americhoice for health insurance, about 125 a month or was….not a $5000 deductible, its really good, I was able to get my cataract surgery and an mri and a few other things and I am unemployed. Cant afford it now though

    Camile what do you get for insurance now?

    Dar…lighten up…the woman aint the vomit, the life she is living is. I been there, its a soul eater…whether it’s a $20 freak trick or a $2000 an hour tumble in a mansion.

    Im tired and going to bed. Every woman here gets my prayers and love.

  408.  #409turquoise3 on April 3, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Thanks Nanceen, I’ll check that one out. I don’t have any insurance now, at all. Haven’t been to the dr. in 3 years. I know I know.. bad bad bad… just haven’t been able to afford it, and haven’t had any emergencies… been lucky!

  409.  #410Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    The Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP) provides free or low-cost health coverage for more than 7 million children up to age 19.
    CHIP Is Available in Every State

    To get started, make a free call to 1-877 KIDS NOW (1-877-543-7669).

  410.  #411Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    Nanceen Alonka Camile and others who commented about the red flag thing. Thank you for your help. Nanceen I feel bad reading the vomit comparison. I don’t want a man who would have that attitude toward a woman. I want a man who would be faithful to me yet still respect all women.

  411.  #412Nanceen on April 3, 2011 at 10:14 pm

    lighten up…the woman aint the vomit, the life she is living is. I been there, its a soul eater…whether it’s a $20 freak trick or a $2000 an hour tumble in a mansion.

    Im tired and going to bed. Every woman here gets my prayers and love.

  412.  #413Daria on April 3, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    Im doing the stop sign then flip to “this means my family is healing”. It’s working

    Right now I want to take a minute to cry

  413.  #414Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    Daria, I think it could work if the lover was able to accept the discrepancy btwn what he wants and what I want. I have yet to find one who will accept it. Each time they try to hold my hand and kiss in public and sweet talk and push for more romance etc. – and I don’t want that. I tell them and they are confused and don’t get it – and eventually they say they don’t want “no strings attached” and so we part ways. I find that men in love don’t want to keep having sex with a woman who only wants them for sex.

  414.  #415Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    Kaitlyn, that doesn’t seem weird to me. 🙂 I have two sides to me – the side that ultimately wants a mutually faithful monogamous marriage … and the side that gets turned on by polyamory and all sorts of stuff that I don’t want in my marriage. In the situation I described the issue for me wasn’t that it was prostitutes – it was an issue of cheating on a wife. kwim? I’m curious how you feel about sharing your husband with prostitutes… does that turn you on too? I know some ppl like sharing.

  415.  #416Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:06 pm

    I notice myself getting dramatic.

    I notice myself thinking of my dad like a little boy, like wanting to protect him, like aww he must feel hurt. This is how I’d think of transformer man…

    Who talked abusively.

    And I my dad did too.

    Also the heartbreak and hopeless the whole feeling of the interaction reminded me of the way stuff felt w my first love.

    That was the only man I lived with.. No wait no.

    I did not use all feeling messages. – tho I did a lot – but also accusations.

    I’m feeling afraid my lil family is gonna break apart.

    Dramatization noticing that I expect reader here to feel bad for me .

    Stop sign tool.

    It actually means my fMily is healing..

    And now I’m smiling and feeling good.

    Feels kinda surprising how well the stop sign tool plus flip works.

    Almost like, it can’t be real that it works that well.

    Like I still have to be upset by such a troubling incident.

    Stop sign again.

    It means I have a wonderful tool to break loops in Any situation.

    And even though I’m scared to feel good – what will they say – Its ok 🙂

    My family is healing.

    This horrible feeling feelings means my family is healing.

    Stuff is getting in the open.

    And I Deserve to feel good.

  416.  #417Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    Daria, were you angry at my question about whether my date’s comment was a red flag? I didn’t mean any disrespect at All toward prostitutes – my concern was the question of infidelity, with women who just happened to be prostitutes (I don’t want infidelity w non-prostitutes either) kwim? I would love to hear your take on the guy’s comment – red flag or no?

  417.  #418Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    Oh I want to share 🙂

    I saw boys at the park playing basketball … And walked over there. It helped me be not upset.

    I talked on the phone w a man while watching them play.

    One guy looked at me and I looked and lied but didn’t say anything (I have to practice not saying hi first cuz I get anxious and say it) He says hi then I said hi

    I got a new tool from Sonia choquette which was the ‘if I wasn’t afraid I would…”. Question to heart.

    So bec of that I expressed mucho in the car

    And I went to watch them play.

    Usually I would feel way embarassed nut the way I was feeling was so open from the heartbreak that I wasn’t even trippin too much.

  418.  #419luzydel on April 3, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    From the book He’s not that into You…

    An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of “ruining the friendship.”
    Don’t get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he’ll do the asking.
    If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
    Just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.
    “Hey, let’s meet at so-and-so’s party/any bar/friend’s house” is not a date. Even if you live in New York.
    Men don’t forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.
    You are good enough to be asked out.

  419.  #420Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:18 pm

    Lucy — Mmm kinda maybe… Red flag to me is more like, if I feel bad around him.

    O had a date this week who didn’t believe me that I didn’t cheat on any past boyfriends (when I had them).

    He said everyone cheats.

    I said I feel angry bring told about myself and assumed about and I feel dusrepecred.

    I was like, I feel confident myself that I dint have an issue, why do u have an issue that you cheat?

    He didn’t answer that…

    I did kinda notice it in my mind I guess… Or just made a mental note.

    it may be a red flag but if so it will come up later.


    Grr I feel annoyed vuz it seems those bugs from friends house are in my bed right now grr… They must be bedbugs maybe I haven’t see em just feel em, was glad they wasn’t at Tahoe.

    So now what grr they’re gon

  420.  #421LonePlum on April 3, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    261: Senior Lady Vibe

    Loool yes that’s it, boys don’t play with dolls in the same way girls do
    he he he
    and no education will change that.

    No, it was a celluloid doll.
    We had left a country with barely a suitcase per person, we did not have toys with us when we arrived in Tunisia.

    When she fell ill, she flew to Paris to see the best doc at the time.
    In Paris she bought a little something for each of us. Mine was a celluloid doll that I thought was the most wonderful thing in the world. After she came back to us in Tunisia, she took time to sew cloths and purses and shoes and hats, and school pads and a bunch of details for the doll. She made 2 of each items, one at the doll’s size and one at my size. I would wear the same dress as my doll.

    I don’t know if she meant to mark my memory for ever, and to load it with love, knowing she was dying, but it worked.
    She made tiny school books in which you could really write and all kind of details. I loved it! It constantly comes back to me.
    She died the same year.

    We went to France a few months later and I put in my suitcase the doll and its belongings. Once in France, my father did some clearing out so we could go to Africa with as little belonging as possible. So a few weeks later I was back to having no toys or souvenirs, starting afresh in yet a new country. Senegal.

    What my father did, and I found out later, he kept everything, he gave it to a friend in France who kept it for us during 6 years.
    When I turned 12, my father got married, and also bought a house in France. His friend brought our souvenirs and furniture to the new house. I was given the old suitcase back. In it, my father had added the letters my mother wrote to me from the hospital in Paris.
    So I got my mother’s doll back and her hand work . And her hand writing. It was the first time I could read her letters and wow! Her love jumped at my heart. I could not read when my mother had originally sent them to me. I was not going to school, even.

    Starting then, we would spend 3 months in the summer in that house in France, with our souvenirs and the other 9 months in school in Africa with my father’s job.
    We had nothing in Africa.
    Not even a radio lol Don’t even ask for television lol
    I spent my time reading and swimming, that’s it.
    And I would see 4 movies a week at the only movie theater down town. Back then it was a luxury.

    When I turned 17, I was sent to the USA. When I came back to France, I was 18 and they had left for Africa without me.
    I went down to the south of France, of course lol looking for the sun, missing Africa, and I listed in an university. I had nothing but one suitcase. No souvenirs not even a picture. I never went back to the house of my father.

    When I turned 22, I was still in the south of France and my father was still in Africa. My little brother was in a catholic boarding school in France.
    The night before his 17th birthday, he fell from his bed room window and died. His room mates say he jumped. I feel he jumped. The night it happened, I felt it.
    But my father said they might have been pushing each other around, innocently being silly and have an accident, who knows? Or they might have ret him to stand there not holding himself, guys often do stupid things. Why not?
    The police said he jumped. And I know he jumped, but that’s between me and me. His last letter to me begged me to come fetch him, he could not bare it any more.

    After the funeral, I gathered his music and letters to me and all I had kept from our relationship and I put it in a box, together with my father’s barbie, the teddy bear my aunt bought me after my mother’s death, and the teddy bear the same aunt bought my brother when he was 6, and I took the box at one of my older brother’s house.
    He was supposed to be settled, I thought my souvenirs would be safe.
    And I left for America. One suitcase, no idea where I was going.

    14 years later, I came back to France as a mother, my older brother was living somewhere else, loool but his wife was still in their same house. I staid with her for a year. She gave me my box.
    I took it with me when I moved out. It’s here, close to me right now. I gave my barbie to my daughter. It was a special one, the teen ager one, that was not produced very long.

    When my father died, in 2006, I found in the attic of his house my old suitcase. I took it back with me. My mother’s doll and letters from the hospital and her hand work are with me now, close to my brother’s and my teddy bears.

    We went through my father’s things to sell the house and we found the letters my mother wrote to my father from the hospital in Paris (1961). Apparently , she would write a letter for each one of us, every day! That was many letters, bless her heart!
    I was impressed by her courage facing her death but most of all baring the pain. Back then they were doing all type of tests without pain killers. I was crying reading her description of what they were doing to her. It was also quite a shock to read her love strong, clear and simple. I had no idea she was in love with her husband after 6 babies and 22 years of marriage. I always saw my father sad and angry, harsh with all of us. I would have not imagined my mother calling him sweet names or even loving him. But she did. I suddenly realized my father had lived heart broken by his wife’s death, the man I knew was not the man he had been before her death.
    In her letter, she apologizes for becoming useless to our family and for letting him alone with their children. She sounds brave and dignified. And generous. And caring.

    I wish I had known her.
    Her love letters to her husband are now with my doll and with her letters to me, along with my little brother’s letters and both our teddy bears.

    We also found an object wrapped like a precious treasure. I opened it, and there was a painting signed by my father. He painted a village street. There was a huge house in the angle of two streets. On the house he put a mark on the window above the bakery. And he wrote “ loneplum was born in this room”.
    Who would have known?
    The birth of the little girl inspired him.


  421.  #422Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    I am now getting jumped on by bugs even tho I changed the sheets the night before I left. I can really feel them.

    Tomorrow I will take another acv bath and change sheets again.

    Because of this issue, I discovered acv baths bring on my period when it’s late, and I feel glad for that.

  422.  #423Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    That feels so sad I feel sad for my family I love th so much I want it to Work no rock ally

    I feel hopeless desperate helpless

  423.  #424Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    When I was little and we just talked about sex Snd other ‘perverted’ stuff ‘e and my girlfriend made our barbies get raped. Then I worried there was something wring w me but indont think so now.

  424.  #425Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    Ok these are Not bed bugs – just researched bed bugs –

    They seem to be jumpy like fleas bit are going for areas on my body that have hair… And as far as I can tell they are not biting me.

    And I haven’t seen them..,

    The acv bath did get rid if them on me so we’ll see..,

    Hopefully torrid once I change my sheets I’ll be cool.

    I’ll even wash my sheets in vinegar if necessary.

  425.  #426Lucy on April 3, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    If that testosterone-reload theory is true, then I wonder why in my experience guys never “poof” after sex ….(knock on wood).

  426.  #427Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:42 pm

    I feel glad these buggies are not biting me, but jiumpong over me… Like one is on my eyelash even! Feels triggering.


  427.  #428Daria on April 3, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    Sweetmandm – that sounds awesome !

  428.  #429Brenda on April 4, 2011 at 12:50 am


    An inexpensive way to get rid of parasites is “Sevin” flakes, in the lawn and garden section, and put it under the mattress or under pet bedding if you have pets.

    May need a bug bomb, too. Toxic and have to leave the house, but effective.

  429.  #430Brenda on April 4, 2011 at 12:51 am


    Could it be lice?

  430.  #431KS on April 4, 2011 at 12:51 am

    #386 Nanceen
    It appears in this post you were trying to help Lucy with something and that is greatly appreciated by all. Don’t know if you are aware but there are several Sirens actively posting here who have or are working in the adult industry. They are beautiful Sirens just as you are. Just had a little trouble seeing the phrase “crack ho”. Underneath we are all the same. 🙂

  431.  #432Brenda on April 4, 2011 at 1:10 am


    RE: #219 – You said, “Brenda I have a resume, I thinks its okay but its very standard…I dont know how to incorporate different things into it and explain gaps. What do you think?”

    You could put “Freelancing”, working from home, and no one can disprove it. You could also leave it blank, and if they ask, just say I took some time off to care for my Mom/aunt/cats, whatever. It doesn’t make you an evil person to not work continuously.

    I had some gaps in the past, and I found them far more receptive if I said confidently, “I took some time off to ….” rather than hanging my head and saying, “I was unemployed and jobhunting.”

    Another thing you could put is you were in college. Or taking classes. Or doing self-study. Try to sound energetic, upbeat, and motivated.

    Nanceen also said, “I like the overf(k)unctioning you used. Its so hard. Everytime I read your posts I see you as a teacher in a school. Did you ever consider teaching? Possibly getting bachelor then masters, going on to teach at college level? You would be awesome at a community college.”

    Thank you! That feels good to hear! Not quite sure how you are relating my overfu(cktioning with teaching…I need to stop it. But I love teaching, and I learned from the best: special ed teachers and seasoned staff, when I used to work with mentally handicapped kids.

    I also was an elementary ed major for a semester, and I learned a lot there. I enjoy teaching, and I’m just taking things a step at a time. I have a lot popping now toward my P.O.P.! 🙂

  432.  #433Brenda on April 4, 2011 at 1:14 am


    Hi! Re: #234 – Thanks! Glad you like it! I got it from someone else. How’s the porridge these days? I’m enjoying crumpets and tea…just kiddin. What I’m into these days is sparkling grape juice and cherry juice…like soda.

  433.  #434kaitlyn on April 4, 2011 at 2:02 am

    416 Lucy

    My ex had a segment in his life that involved a drug induced haze and picking up prostitutes. It was in his 20s. The seedier the situation to him, the better.

    When we got together this Fall, it’d been a few years since his last foray. We became exclusive, and I told him I entertained the thought of him getting hookers again, but no way could he meet ‘real’ girls. Get your hooker, and get home. No emotional connection please.

  434.  #435kaitlyn on April 4, 2011 at 2:10 am

    I CD’d myself tonight. Slipped into my new black jeans and heels. Hit a bar alone. Saw a movie alone. Went home alone. Showered alone. Took the one remaining xanax I was supposed to save for Adam when he came back.

  435.  #436Senior Lady Vibe on April 4, 2011 at 4:20 am

    @385: turquoise3 says:
    “… but even if I learn to apply all the rules perfectly, still no guarantee I’ll meet the right man for me…”

    Are there rules? Whose? I thought there was only one rule for choosing man.


  436.  #437Senior Lady Vibe on April 4, 2011 at 5:05 am

    @422: LonePlum

    Thank you for telling about your family. It’s sad to lose them but very good that you have those letters. It’s wonderful that your daughter will now have them too.

    I’ve moved around and not nearly as far as you but things have been lost, tossed away by accident and misplaced by friends who were sheltering them. I’m traveling light these days but I sometimes wish I had some of things that have disappeared.


  437.  #438Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 5:44 am

    Loneplum thanks for sharing the story of your life. I have always wondered about this name you chose for yourself as I kind of “felt” a bit sad to me but now I know it is more than just a name. The story kind of tugged at my heart because I almost lost my own father on Friday. He is doing better now but over the last few years have kind of watched the lifeforce draining out of him. Your life seems to have included a bit of trauma but know that you are loved by the Universe and by many of us here. I hope for you that rewriting the history has brought you some healing. Hugs to you.

  438.  #439sweetmandm on April 4, 2011 at 5:57 am

    Good morning Daria!!

    Thanks for aknowledging my post! I often feel very invisible here still, but I also continue to work on fears of abandonment and rejection. I know that I don’t contribut here as much, though I do try with the time I have to give it.

    I am thinking now, even after that (my) post, that yesterday was a very good day, I only hope and pray that I can continue on practicing so nicely and continue to feel the turn around as consistant! Smells of fear huh? One day at a time. One day at a time. 🙂

    I have to say that I even woke up this morning with the thought of something you had said up there in earlier posts. You somewhat quoted Rori- about they are supposed to want to be with us very much, but us not wanting them too much, sexually. I was thinking about how H doesn’t turn me on physically as much as other men I choose do, but he is super affectionate and hugs me like he means it and whispers in my ear etc. I am trying then, to be ok with the fact that while I maybe wouldn’t dream of him sexually like others, I do feel safe with him. So feel grateful for the reminder of that!! Thank you Daria! 😉 I will be tossing that one around in my head.

    That’s why I appreciate you women. I can’t talk this way with my friends and the married’s all think I am desperate if I am purchasing and reading and working on these materials. So nice to have others that understand. But that’s not the point, the point is I feel part of my having this material become so deeply embedded, is that you are all here, we are all in it together 🙂

    How did you end up sleeping last night? I hope that the bugs didn’t keep you up too long! I did bring back bed bugs from a trip last year. I was a VERY LONG YEAR spent ridding my house of them!

    You are very important, more than you might realise sometimes, so let me just remind you.


  439.  #440Mel on April 4, 2011 at 6:00 am

    Today is all about being girly!

    I got myself a super feminine and professional outfit for my interview today. I’m nervous/excited! 🙂 Too bad hubby won’t see me in it (he’s out of town)!

    After listening to a “call” from the WISH summit, which talked about how guys really like to hear when they’ve done something that makes you happy… I texted hubby to tell him how much I LOVE the special coffee syrup he picked up for me at Starbucks. “Mmm! Just made a caramel cappuccino with that delicious syrup you got for me. Thanks again cutie! LOVE it!”

    He’s actually been pretty good about calling/staying in touch while he’s been away. I’m happy for that. I’ve been pretty busy though. Worked 12 hours straight on a freelance project this weekend, and did some things just for me.

    Well… better get ready for the interview. I’m deciding whether to wear my “smart girl” funky glasses or not….

    Have a great morning ladies!

  440.  #441Senior Lady Vibe on April 4, 2011 at 6:02 am

    @433: Brenda says:
    RE: #219 – You said, “Brenda I have a resume, I thinks its okay but its very standard…I dont know how to incorporate different things into it and explain gaps. What do you think?…”

    For Nanceen, some resources below might be useful. It’s OK if a resume looks like a job application form if one is applying for a McDonald’s or JCPenney sales associate kind of job. Even then, what is on them should be “selective.” Many people do not do this and they then complain and become angry when people who have high school education are chosen over their masters degreed backgrounds. They didn’t understand the purpose of a resume.

    The purpose of a resume is to get an interview. It is a marketing tool. What a resume is NOT is a list of jobs and job descriptions in chronological, or any other kind of, order, with equal weight given to everything. This is true even if the Human Resources flunkies one encounters do not know this … 😆

    Do not put “gaps” on resumes (unless the candidate was actually dead during that period of time and has now returned from the grave.) The resume should not be constructed so as to “highlight” a gap.

    This is to help the secretary or summer intern who will be performing triage on incoming resumes and determining which resumes are considered. “Gaps” is one of the nonsensical things they look for in the same way women run after guys who have histories of “long term relationships.” LOL 😆

    “Oh, here’s a gap. Let’s put this resume in the “b” file.”

    “Oh, look here’s a guy who does LTR, he strings along each woman for three to five years before she gets sick of him and dumps his ass. Yeah, baby, gimme some of that! How can I get a date?”

    OK, I’m returning to normal programming. I am often amused by human nature.

    The resource list below might be helpful. You might find some new ways of doing things. You could even think of it as being “Rori-ized” but for careers. If you are set on having a “job” this is the way to go.

    These are all helpful in career development as well as researching targets and setting up “job campaigns”.

    “Damn Good Resume Guide”
    by Yana Parker

    “Proven Resumes and Confidence Builders”
    by Regina Pontow

    and any career management/job search books by Kate Wendleton


  441.  #442LD on April 4, 2011 at 6:03 am


    RE #390

    I agree with this. I have noticed CDs going quiet for a day or 2 after a really good date. Alot of times they will go do something really manly in that time-go motorcycle riding or watch sports or play poker with the guys etc. They usually come back recharged and ready for another round.

    However, if the emotional bonding is more than a man wants or is able to handle for where he’s at in his life, he may “poof” completely. I have had men show back up weeks, months or even years later (my record is my college boyfriend who showed up 20 years later) and say that they got scared by how they felt and ran. When a man goes “poof”, it’s usually has nothing to do with us, but his own issues. It’s sad that we take it so personally and it hurts our self esteem so much, because it’s not about us. We just make it that way in order to have one more thing to beat ourselves up about.

    In my experience they always come back down the road in some form, but it’s usually when we don’t want them anymore…

  442.  #443Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 6:05 am


    Maybe they are critical of you being able to afford to invest in yourself because they wish they could. Many people hide the truth about their relationships because they cannot admit that it is not working as they expected it would. Also you do not need anyone’s validation or approval to to do what you do for yourself. Investment in self-growth is never wasted for me.

  443.  #444Mel on April 4, 2011 at 6:05 am

    Wow Loneplum, you should write a book! It would be amazing to publish the love letters from your mother to each of you in chronological order, with little bits of your writing interspersed. I’d buy it!

    Thanks for sharing!

  444.  #445sweetmandm on April 4, 2011 at 6:05 am


    That WAS a very open heart that shared all of that. I am grateful. I too had a very rough childhood and continue repairing and healing, so as a sister and fiend, I wrap my arms around you and give you a very warm hug! 🙂 You are so awesome! That kind of sharing and courage to do so, offers to all of us. I would like to find a little more courage in me, to share that openly about my own!

    One thing that’s awesome, is the GOOD things that those tough pasts bring to our character and who we are now, that are glowing and beautiful!!!

    🙂 HUG!

  445.  #446Mel on April 4, 2011 at 6:06 am

    FW, glad to hear your father is doing better!

  446.  #447Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 6:06 am

    Mel I hope you do some mental programming to keep your vibe in the right place for the interview.

  447.  #448Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 6:07 am

    RE 447 Thanks.

  448.  #449mali on April 4, 2011 at 6:08 am

    Re: Loneplum 422

    Your story moved me so much. I send you so many hugs and love!

  449.  #450Mel on April 4, 2011 at 6:08 am

    Tips for mental programming?

  450.  #451sweetmandm on April 4, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Mel- I hope you have a wonderful “being girly day!” hehehe! good reminder 😉


  451.  #452sweetmandm on April 4, 2011 at 6:12 am

    @ 444- Thanks Femininewoman! You are ABSOLUTELY speaking truth over me and I love it! 🙂


  452.  #453Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 6:12 am

    You know how Rori gives tools like “I’m All That” to set an intention for the person we are around to feel us, I set an intention of “I am confident I am the best candidate for this job” when I am going to interviews now because I believe people can sense our interntion and feel us. “I am your best choice”.

  453.  #454Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 6:14 am

    Mel I am also assuming that the group might be mixed so I would suggest being real girly when responding to questions from the males in the group and being authentic as possible so they can feel “safe” with you.

  454.  #455Daria on April 4, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Sweet m – thank you. The bugs just woke me up and I took a baking soda bath… My mom offered me her bed (I don’t want hers to get buggy as I can feel there’s one in my hair)

    My bed was starting to make my insides tighten.

    They seemed to be easily rid of w the vinegar so if anything Here’s to it will be easy

    I don’t think they’re bedbugs as I’m not showing the described symptoms.

  455.  #456Daria on April 4, 2011 at 6:20 am

    I also mixed some neem oil w another kind and massaged some parts of me

  456.  #457sweetmandm on April 4, 2011 at 6:21 am

    FW- I am also glad that you can rest peacefully with the knowledge of your father doing better for now. I pray that it is a lengthy peaceful moment! 🙂

    Even though I have not shared it yet I have compassion! My father is 78 and in poor health, but worse than that, is that he is severely depressed. I think that is the most difficult of all that I have to support him in. I am his POA and the main for him. He lives 3 minutes up the road from me for convenience and lives with a wonderfull Egyptian family (in thier home) who provide for his basic care on a daily basis. Nothing really prepares us for caring for and ailing, aging parent huh?! It totally is learn as you go…..


  457.  #458Daria on April 4, 2011 at 6:21 am

    Also the blog is for our own therapy and not necessarily for contributing. We actually help the most by sharing our own riffs and processes

  458.  #459Darling Ella on April 4, 2011 at 6:24 am


    I always wondered about your story…I so felt there is so much depth to it…I felt touched by it…Thank you…

    Big warm hugs,

  459.  #460Daria on April 4, 2011 at 6:24 am

    Kaitlyn – good for you! I’m watching u

  460.  #461sweetmandm on April 4, 2011 at 6:25 am

    Daria- So glad they are not bed bugs! The other good thing, is that the internet can give you a lot of info. on how to combat any variety. That is how I finally got rid of the Bedbugs. Blaaah….

  461.  #462Darling Ella on April 4, 2011 at 6:25 am

    Has anyone downloaded Calling in the One seminar from the other day?

    I am a late bloomer these days…:( Anyone would like to send me a copy?

    Thank you.

  462.  #463Daria on April 4, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Brenda – thank you for the debugging tip. Hopefully they’ll wash out if not I’ll use the Sevin before going to replace mattress.

  463.  #464Luzydel on April 4, 2011 at 6:28 am

    Ok again…lol

    D contacted me I let it go to voice mail, I did not know what to say besides being defensive. I want to practice being open when a man comes back instead of blocking them out of my life.

    His message sounded like “desperate” like he’s not ready to let go yet. How much time should I give before I return his message.? I don’t want to seem too available now.

  464.  #465Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 6:35 am

    RE 458 Thanks. I wish the best to you and your family too.

  465.  #466Darling Ella on April 4, 2011 at 6:35 am


    Return his call when you feel good…I would work connecting with my inner feelings about it in the meantime…

    This is a great opportunity to

    Trust u Boundaries
    Express Your Feelings
    Choose Your Words
    Be Surprised…

    I would wait for him to call again too…and be prepared to talk to him…

    Warm hugs,

  466.  #467Femininewoman on April 4, 2011 at 6:36 am

    When love has come to you, people say there is a “knowing,” a profound feeling of having “come
    home.” And yet, as it is for so many women – that could just be your old subconscious patterns
    driving you to the actually “wrong” man yet again. It could be your hormones clouding your judgment
    and missing “red flags.” It could be a superficial chemistry instead of a deeply rooted emotional, mental and spiritual connection.
    Whatever you’re starting with, it needs time to grow. You and he need time to grow together – to be sure that you didn’t “create” the relationship out of need and desperation, or out of your hopes and wishes and imagination.
    You want to be sure that you haven’t created an illusion that will backfire on you.
    And the challenging thing is this: No matter WHAT is actually going to happen to your
    relationship – no matter WHAT you discover about you or him that can either bring you closer
    together or send you further apart – you still have to TEND to the relationship as it is.
    Regardless of whether or not he’s “the One,” you must PRACTICE love. You must, as so many
    experts say, tend to yourself, feed yourself, water yourself, nourish yourself – and let all that love you create in yourself radiate out to him – so that he feels tended, fed, watered,nourished and loved just by being WITH you. Relationships aren’t supposed to be HARD. It’s not the RELATIONSHIP that requires the hard work. THAT’S the part that’s EASY!
    When you love yourself – you naturally love your man. But that’s the challenging part – working with yourself, overcoming your fears of intimacy and really getting close and emotionally raw with a man.
    Overcoming your fears of rejection and abandonment, the most common ones almost all women have deep inside.
    These fears can seriously interfere with the love you feel, the love you express, and the love between you and a man.
    You may unconsciously push him away to avoid the pain that you’re afraid is “inevitable,” only to be faced with the pain you were trying to avoid.
    Relationships do need attention though. As you quietly work on yourself, you also need to BE
    there for your man and for your relationship: True love then is what? It could mean different things to different people.
    Most people agree that romantic love is an ever-deepening emotional, physical, mental and spiritual connection..
    Yes, it starts with “chemistry” and a match-up that no-one can predict or define – that only YOU
    can feel. But then the connection – the bond – has to be forged and strengthened moment by moment, day by day – through respect, touch, feeling, words, and our willingness to love.
    The kind of intimate love – that means going deep in an emotional and physical and spiritual way with a man you want to bu