A Fling With A 19 Year Old – Can You Do It?

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Here’s a fabulous topic:

Hi Rori,

This is Ella from the blog.

I have been working with your programmes for a while and LOVE your work. It has helped me SO much and yet at the moment I am REALLY struggling with an issue with this guy I met.

He is younger than me (he’s 19 and I am 30 so BIG age difference) and we met and spent some time together – a whole day, after meeting the night before (I know this is not the best way and it just happened like this). No sex though. And it felt amazing being with him… and I am the prize yet I also felt so warm towards him and that he is a really unusual, brave and unique person.

Anyway basically it was AMAZING and I am feeling it for him massively, and believe he is/was for me too.

But I messed it all up because my pesky negative voices got the best of me and I let them take over for a bit, and I think it may have ruined the vibe of the whole thing. I found it hard because he is so much younger than me so I had so many ‘not good enough feelings’ pop up, around being with someone so young and hot and letting him be with me.

I am trying not to beat myself up about this and yet just finding it so hard.

Basically we had a conversation on IM which I will post here. And I asked for some male feedback on it (Rusty from the blog) and he pretty much said to a man it would come across as I didn’t want to see him, and that I have issues, and I would have put out the passion he felt for me.

This feels almost unbearable to me and I just want to lean forward and reach out to him. And not least bc I had no idea that what I was saying would come across that way… I feel lost.

Here is the IM conversation we had. He had contacted me and asked me to call him when I had some free time. I had text him that I was free over the weekend and then he messaged me on Facebook:

Him: im outa credit and have of recent lost my bank card in case your wondering why i haven’t given you a reply. but of course id love to see you this weekend! are you thinking of taking me some place special or do you have a laaazy day in mind. or would you prefer me to asert myself as the man and deside what we do though with my lack of money the options may not be a ball of glitter. xxxx..

Me: Hey hon, Cool cool. Weeeel, it would feel best to me if you made the plan so I am happy with whatever you decide. Yep always feels good when a man asserts himself
Am happy with doing something cheap/free and I am sure it will be a ball of gliter anyway. xxx..

Him: right i don’t know why i opted for myself bringing up the idea’s for what the options are for this weekend cus all i can think of is walk’s and i don’t even like walks really so im thinking another lazy day i know that sounds dull as hell but i just cant have you taking me out cus im broke as a joke plus wasting time is never really wasted if you enjoy the time you waste and i really enjoyed my time with you so… what say you?oi!!!c’mon i want a reply or im just gonna call you the answer machine has got the best of me damn you!look i do really wanna see you so just gimme a call on my mobile whatever the time ok? xxxx..

Me: Sorry hon was in the shower.

Him: right i miss you and im lonely..

Me: Awww, that feels nice Me too..

Him: can i not come round or something not for sex just a night together..

Me: Errr, I feel a little bit uncomfortable..

Him: Ok we’ll leave that.

Me: I would rather wait and make a plan. I want to feel cofortable, good and safe.

Him: yeah i understand that i dont wanna freak you out..

Me: lol

Him: By all means I just quite miss you

Me: I am giggling now

Him: I hope you understand

Me: And smiling

Him: plus read my earlier message’s cus my idea’s are shit i mean a wlk really??!!!all i can think when im this broke though..

Me: … No, I feel quite happy to have a lazy day with you… and even the walking sounds ok (I quite like walking)… I just don’t want to meet tonight Reeaally soon though:-)Btw – I miss you too..

Him: but spose a lazy day i could put your shelf up always a bonus..

Me: Which feels weird as I don’t know you that well.

Him: well i liturally am what you’ve seen soo i mean go by it or not.. I wear my hear on my sleeve, what you see is what you get.

Me: Lol Cool

Him: I am what you have seen

Me: I feel happy

Him: i feel like your very unsure about me all of a sudden..

Me: Do u?Hmmm, feeling kinda mixed. I felt amazing when we hung out…U know what that sheeps mask makes me feel a lil freaked out cus I can’t see u… know it sounds weird.. (he had on a mask in his FB profile pic)

Him: see thats why your cool..
Hang on a minute… there picture changed.

Me: lol Pic hasn’t changed on here yet..

Him: Well I am not a magic man. I am a science man.

Me: And that you went and changed it feels like ‘awww’

Him: Look I really like you.

Me: And that feels GREAT

Him: i know that sounds dumb as F8ck but when i meet someone for a night it’s usually just sex so with you to still be interested with only your company and the hugging is just really cooland im not a f8cken slaper im just saying..

Me: I am laughing out loud at your last statement. I
I didn’t think you were!
Err, I know what you mean.
I feel like that too and it makes me feel…. scared

Him: No, not at all, its amazingly cool!

Me: Yep that too

Me: Pic much better now btw

Him: i could very happily just lay in bed with youand i dont really get that(again not a slapper)and thank you..

Me: You are Welcome.I feel really good about it too…And kinda awed..

Him: You just said a word I don’t know

Me: Awed, eg in awe of the situation.
Do you know now?

Him: yes

Me: …. and the scared part is iin case we met and it wasn’t the same!:-(..

Him: Woah woah, negative or what.

Me: Yeah I know I am just sayin.

Him: ok well if thats the case your worried about just make sure were pissed before we meet eachother again!problem solved..

Me: Lol ha ha Oh gosh I am lmao. yep cool..

Him: cus I am not not seeing you again

Me: Oh really! (I thought he was saying he didn’t want to meet up again…)

Him: Yeah really

Me: As if you would have a chance!!!! (what I should have said was I am feeling defensive)

Him: I am shocked and appawled

Me: Me too I feel sad and pouty

Him: for someone who just lorded over their superiority you should feel sad.. (btw I know this sounds harsh and he is saying it jokingly… I know this from spending time with him… v dry sense humour)

Me: Hmmm, I feel confused now.

Him: ok well i cant be arsed so we’ll let that one sliiiide. but im saying how do you feel about another lazy day this weekend?cus if you want us to go out clubbing you’ll be paying..

Me: Lazy day would feel amazing

Him: plus im sure i could rummage up a cheap bottle of boos if you feel the need to get pissedjust incase you want it to be exact to last time..

Me: Lol… I’m sure I can manage without, and if you want to bring some you can…That will only work if it is SUPER HOT! (trhe weather)
Him: Oh gosh itr was hot!

Me: I still confused abou you saying we weren’t going to see each other, and now we are

Him: When did I say that?

Me: errr, above!
Then I re-read it…
Me: Oh, just saw the double negativeI get it now!Hmmm, need to read slower..

Him: sorryim not gonna liemy take on the english language isent exactly normall..

Me: Ha ha I know, it is interesting

Him: but yes that was a ID LOVE TO SEE YOU AGIAN!!!!!..

Me: Ah, that makes more sense. I feel less confused.

Him: im glad i hate to confuse i get it enough..

Me: do you? Me too I don’t mind…..

Him: And now I love you even more

Me: feels uncomfortable sometimes… and then when you get through it its like ‘ahhh’ yeah I get it…and then you feel closer to that person..usually, kinda coolAwww, thanks hon..

Him: b-e-a-utifullok look im gonna call it a night for me..

Me: Ok night night.

Him: i shall be calling you tommorow though so dont let it go to awnser phoneor dont just hand up on me like i saw the other day*hang..

Me: It might… if I am working. And if you ask me to call you back I will.That was different thing altogether..

Him: true you where with me..

Me: That is EXACTLY what I was just typingAnd so my attention was with you..

Him: We got that connection

Me: Anyway I am feeling tired

Him: same

Me: Going to get some sleep. Night.

Him: yep talk tomorow(really am digging you right now)xxxxx..

Me: Awww, and me you. Feels good. Night. xxx

And then he just didn’t call. And it has now been a week. I am feeling very confused.

Rori you can read more on the current blog post if you want to – post 217 onwards including Rusty’s responses and male perspective.

Please help me I feel so confused about this and wondering where I have gone wrong and whether I should reach out or just let it go. I just want to feel peaceful and Sireny again!

Oh & I would quite like to see this guy again too!

Love Ella.

My Answer:

Ella – first – whoopee!!

I had this exact situation 2 times in my life – I was 30 – he was 19, then I was 35, he was 22…

The 19 year old for some reason I wasn’t that all over – but he was tall, fabulous looking, great in bed, and crazy for me. The 22 was all that and SERIOUS…Sometimes it works – I’ve heard of it, and there’s Ashton and Demi…but he had money and success.

So…I don’t see ANYTHING in your end of the IM that’s bad or not good or off-putting. You just sound like you’re trying to create a “relationship” here – which is IMPOSSIBLE with a broke 19 year old (unless he has rich parents)…

All you can have here is a fabulous FLING – and can you go with that????

Oooo- Ella – I just now saw the part about him not calling….give him a few more days, and then text him….

“I was thinking about…”

(or some other cliffhanger…)

He’ll answer.


…your blue (or brown) eyes…made me feel….

That kind of stuff.

A fling is a fling. If you can’t go with that, don’t go there…I turned down one of those with an 18 year old because I didn’t feel he was crazy besotted with me like the other 2…but you can’t beat being adored by a young man…

Love, Rori

From Ella:

Hi Rori,

Thank you for replying, and so quickly.

The thing is I WOULD like a relationship with him… so maybe I shouldn’t go there.

On the other hand it could feel amazing. Just not sure I could trust myself to let go when it came to an end because it felt SO fun/good.

And I am feeling so CONFUSED about why he was so into me and then didn’t call, which is triggering my NVs… and Rusty says he thinks I put him off…

What do you think?

And thanks again for your help!


PS – would it be ok to copy and past your replies to the blog? I think the other Sirens also want to know what you have to say about this…

(Here I asked her if I could just post the entire conversation between us…)

Yep that would feel good to me!

Can you understand my feeling confused here?

It actually felt kinda good to hear that we can bend the rules and lean forward a bit in certain circumstances, and also a massive relief feeling that you don’t think I ‘messed up’ my side of the conversation.

Guess I need to lighten up.

I just get such attacks of the NVs sometimes.

Am starting to feel better though.

From Rori:

There’s more to the conversation – but I just love this idea of having a good time with a man no matter what, and working through stuff like this. When opportunities show themselves for you to experience what it is you want, what feels good, what you want to do….that’s where the gold is.

Love, Rori



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  1.  #1Lilybelly on September 5, 2011 at 7:07 am


    You’re famous. 😉

    Am I really the first one?

  2.  #2Jilly on September 5, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Goodmorning 🙂 yay Ella…you sound so authentic and vulnerable in your conversation…I loved it!


    WOW…Rori, you did an amazing job with commitment blueprint!!! I’m falling in love with all of the guest speakers…I just listened to Gina (now I’m second guessing her name)…the queen…I’ll call her that…they are soooo lovely…the exotic dancer…wow…I feel so inspired by it all….thank you 🙂
    I also have modern siren, reconnect and the heart connection tool kit and of course the ebook…and I love the ALL

  3.  #3Jilly on September 5, 2011 at 7:25 am

    “the” is supposed to be “them” 🙂 ….and back to Commitment Blueprint…..

  4.  #4Aminata on September 5, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Oh, dating the youngins! I had a pretty serious/deep one with someone 7 years younger than me. it was awesome but it hurt a lot when I had to break up with him. We both knew it couldn’t go anywhere but it was hard to let go. We had so many adventures together!

    Seems like more and more younger men are into me and I turn them down mostly, unless they are closer to my age, like 4 years younger or less. In fact one who was 4 years younger came on to me last night! He has his PH d so it’s ok! It’s cool when they have their own lives together. But if they don’t (even with rich parents! the parents butt in!) I feel it is best to just leave them to the little girls.

  5.  #5Mel on September 5, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Hey Sirens!

    So… just as I thought, D gave me the whole “just want friendship” speech. I was like sure… that’s okay with me. I feel comfortable with you and I think you’re a great person, so I feel open to that.

    He said he felt so worried to bring this up with me. That I wouldn’t ever want to see him again. That I wouldn’t want to be a friend.

    He says he’s just not ready for ANY relationship. I said.. Whoa, neither am I, actually. Then we had an AMAZING convo about relationships in general… our fears around relationships and commitment, etc. I even said “I feel really vulnerable saying this… but I feel so at ease talking with you…” and I told him about how I was actually thinking about the possibility of making my next relationship a “friends with benefits” one. I told him about how sex is important to me, but that I don’t take it casually and would not have sex with just anyone. That it would have to be someone that made me feel safe, and whom I respected. I talked about how I felt selfish and maybe even “improper” to want this kind of relationship, but that I didn’t want to feel tied down to anyone. I want to be able to pack up and leave for Europe if I wanted, experiment, have fun and just “be” for a while. He said that he didn’t think it was selfish or improper at all.

    Anyway, I’m glad I was able to have this conversation with him. I really felt sireny and vulnerable. He didn’t offer to be my FWB (LOL) but it was amazing to have such a sensitive conversation with someone.

    On the way home, I received a text saying:
    “Thanks for another good time, you are a lovely, intelligent woman so don’t ever forget it. I always have a great time with you. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you ever need anything! Have a great sleep!”

    My NV’s are telling me that perhaps he just doesn’t find me attractive. But they can shut up, because I know I am quite pretty.

    Anyway… this is all such a learning experience for me. I am enjoying the practice. And I do like D as a friend. He’ll make a great one, I think.

  6.  #6Mel on September 5, 2011 at 9:14 am

    On the upside, my Saturday evening date (the great conversationalist) is very much stepping up!

    When I got home, he sent a lovely text thanking me for a nice evening. This morning, I got an email asking if we could make some plans for Thursday before my week filled up. So we’re going to a museum and then out to eat after. I’m looking forward to it!

    I’m coming to realize why it’s so important NOT to chase after guys. I want a man in my life that WANTS to be there, not one that I have to CONVINCE to be there. One that values me and appreciates that I bring fullness and happiness to his life.

  7.  #7luzydel on September 5, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    So “MR. NiceCD” texted me saying happy labor day…funny thing is that his morning txts were very cute like good morning bella etc. I said “hello I feel good to hear from you thanks”… I wonder if these too many I feel good, I feel excited etc. are pushing him away.

    I wrote some emails to other guys at POF, but i am going through some kind of dry spell because the have not invited me to meet. so he is the only man standing and I feel he will run away and I am being all lady like and have not lean forward or chased him. Nice guys are becoming far worse than bad guys for me…at least bad guys are more predictable. I feel frustrated!

  8.  #8English Woman on September 5, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    OOOhhh Ella at last I know somebody famous LOL!!

    I was thinking fling too, when I first read the post, cos you know 19 year old guys are just babies really, without being disparaging because I have a 36 year old son who acts no older than a teenager.

    So if that’s what you are looking for, then I say yeah just go for it!! If however you are looking for a husband and a daddy to your babies then maybe J is not the one for you, not just yet anyway, but hell who knows??

    I had a 26 year old last night message me on POF and was astonished that I was 58 and still single and on there!! Now that is one age difference that can never be. 32 YEARS ha ha!! 😀

  9.  #9English Woman on September 5, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    #6 Mel

    Oh yes this is what I am looking for too, a step up kind of, fight for my fair hand alpha male, not a wishy washy, roll over and die type. 🙁

    I think I may have been watching too many romcoms LOL!! (I did watch Bridget Jones at the weekend and oh sigh and to die for Mark Darcy ha ha!!)

  10.  #10Patricia on September 5, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    EW, Mel 6 &9

    ok say you meet Mr. Alpha, Mr. Right……then what…..here’s where I’m at with LD……excellent connection, he’s stepping up totally, says he’s mine exclusively till I tell him to go…..it’s only been a couple months but all the great attraction and Mr. Right stuff is there……..and yet other CDs are showing up……at one point do we decide to be exclusive if we’re not sure it’s about a ring/engagement at this stage……..I am getting requests for communication on EH and politely noting I’m seeing someone…and they continue…..it feels off continuing to date others…….maybe it’s decision time? maybe they’re tests to see where my interest truly and genuinely is? I think Rori would say keep the options open…..but when do we say…..this is the guy? in our hearts……

    would love to hear your thoughts Sirens….feeling cloudy on this one……


  11.  #11Patricia on September 5, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    gee…I know what my problem is….I’m scared….I’m watching how kind and generous and insightful and attentive he is and I’m just not use to this…I’m waiting for the ball to drop…….it doesn’t happen, but I’m playing old scenarios in my mind figuring they’re just around the corner…the drop off….the “i’m not ready” and that’s not what’s happening at all……
    I feel scared
    I feel excited
    I feel worried whether I can do this
    I feel thankful
    I feel confused
    I feel sad that I might fall into old patterns
    I feel frustrated

    This is obviously asking to be healed…..it needs to heal…..and this guy can hold all of this…….wondering if I should just be open and honest about where I’m at….excited but scared too…..I bet he could handle it….

    chicken legs under me……

  12.  #12Ella on September 5, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Owww, I feel pleased and kinda nervous and embarressed all at once, seeing my post up here.

    Wow, so much has happened since then… amazing how quickly things change, even when we think we are stuck!

    Since then I contacted him… he came over, we slept together, I freaked out and realised I am not ready/able to handle a fling… he disappeared again. I stayed leaned back this time, had a really tough time with it… struggled with my feelings etc (I get soooo triggered by people disappearing, although it is losing its power now) and was DETERMINED to stay leaned back, I felt better and got strong, moved on… and then just last week he popped back up into contact on IM… arranged a meeting and then didn’t follow through.

    I still haven’t seen him and although I still have some feelings for him, and think he is lovely person, the situation is in no way as triggering as before… and I am not too bothered either way.

    I can very clearly see that he is 19yrs old… he is doing what he does, and that is fine.

    I actually prefer men who are able to be there with me and be more reliable and step up.

    But never say never and who knows what might happen in future.

    Right now its about me and my life, and although the emotions that got tiggered at the time were very difficult for me (it was a toughie which played right into my past issues)… I am glad I experienced it.

    Oh and one other thing, those NVs are a lot less powerful with me now. I really do know that I am the prize and no man (however gorgeous) is worth falling off my bridge for.

    I got me…

    Owww, and I feel so happy with how I responded to him when he did show back up… I was feeling genrally happy, I was pleased to hear from him, and still expressed my true feelings about him disappearing (sad)… and fairly non committal, he is no longer a priority… exactly how I feel basically.

    And that is how I feel about all men atm… It feels good.

    Hmmmm. I feel happy.


  13.  #13Senior Lady Vibe on September 5, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    Hello world. I’m grateful even though the resource I was seeking was not available today. Oh, and a similar thing happened a few days ago… I didn’t see the value and I missed out on getting more. Next time I’ll get while the getting is good! As usual… 😀

    I’m remembering to have gratitude and appreciation for all. Setting intentions and noticing are very important! But… in a few minutes I’m off to explore another resource… heh heh heh 😆

    @6: Mel says:
    “… I want a man in my life that WANTS to be there, not one that I have to CONVINCE to be there…”

    That’s the spirit! And it’s more fun that way too.


  14.  #14Senior Lady Vibe on September 5, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Deja vu…


  15.  #15Tmizz on September 5, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Ella – Whoooooo!

    I agree with Rori. It doesn’t look or sound to me like you said anything in that conversation that would have turned him off.

    If anything, I thought I read some comments in there that indicated that *he* might be having some insecurity and self-esteem issues.

    Those could be arising from his not having money, but I’m guessing not. It was something about the way he wrote how he hates walking, and being really disparaging of his ideas being “sh*t.” It’s possible that *he* doesn’t think he’s good enough for *you.*

    That is of course, just speculation. But, as many wise people have said, it’s always a good idea not to take things personally. Because when people hurt you, it is often because of something inside *them.* And reading through this, I think this has nothing to do with you.

    But that doesn’t make it any less frustrating to hear absolutely NOTHING from him, after all that. He did sound REALLY into you.

    But I like what C Carter has to say about this, too. Which is that, when men get close to someone and feel a really strong connection, sometimes they get scared and have to go into their little “man-cave” to sort things out. Maybe that’s where he is right now.

    And since you are a such a good C-Dater, you *know* you have other options.

    So in the meanwhile, you go, girl! 😉 xoxo

  16.  #16alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    lately when i have felt like leaning forward to Men i have instead leaned forward into My Own Life.

    now i can recognize the instinct/urge to call an ex or whatever and NOT ACT ON IT and instead take myself to the park, make a plan for something fun, go on a date, go on a dating site. whatever it is that will be beneficial to ME from my putting my energy forward….

    and not call the exes.

    they have my number. (or not— for the ones who deleted it to STOP themselves from contacting me)

    but whatever.

    i am a girl. a goddess. i lean back. i receive. i waterwheel TOWARDS me.

    i bask. i appreciate.

  17.  #17Wildflower on September 5, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Yeah Ella! Thanks for being so open and sharing 🙂

  18.  #18luzydel on September 5, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    yes he is acting weird and I feel distanced and rejected, where did came from? I don’t know.
    I did a test and leaned forward and sent him a tx asking how did the day go, his answer was cold and I felt yucky. I just said ok contact me if you want to talk later…take care. I did it because sometimes this could be all in my head, so I experimented a little.

    Now I am leaning wayyy back, i don’t know what got into him, but I am leaving him the F* alone…I am going into my siren cave and take care of me…Ugh and I dont get another CD to ask me out!

  19.  #19Ella on September 5, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Hmmm, I’m feeling powerless.

    I am feeling REALLY ANGRY.

    Like there is Ella, she is nice, she won’t say anything, we can do whatever we want and she will just be ok with it.

    And its my own fault.

    This isn’t really true… And I do often feel this way. Especially at home. Because of the situation with Housemate from before, I still feel a bit shy of standing up for myself with him.. and esp since he moved in his now g,friend who is a lot older and makes a point of being very upfront, like that is her thing… and asseting herself.

    And I have fallen into the ‘nice’ ‘accepting’ role.

    Don’t get my wrong I actually really like them both, and yet I do still feel some resentment.

    Like suddenly she is here, and she works nights to I can’t practice my Zumba that I need to do for my class because she is sleeping, and then he is home… and I feel under pressure as class starts tomorrow, so I have to go to my mum’s to practice.

    I just feel a bit like my needs are less important than…

    Errrhhh, small stuff really.

    Just feeling a bit fed up today.

    And I hate sarcasm.

  20.  #20luzydel on September 5, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    What A Man Needs To Feel With You

    By Christian Carter


    Most of us (men and women) use our minds to imagine the worst possible outcomes for dating and relationship situations.

    Think about those situations when a man doesn’t call you back when you think he should. If you immediately start to wonder where he is, what he’s doing, and who he’s with, you create negative emotions. You make up pictures in your mind of him out with other women, doing fun things without you, etc., and it’s really upsetting. This inevitably creates negative tension and distance between the two of you.

    Instead, start doing yourself a favor:

    1.Visualize your ideal outcome

    2.Make positive meaning out of the experience for yourself

    If he doesn’t call you back right away, imagine that he is freaked out with his own life and schedule (maybe his boss just threatened to let him go), and make it mean that when he finally does talk to you, he’s going to be even more interested because it took you so long to catch up with each other.

    If he tells you he’s not ready for a relationship right now because of his past, you can freak out and put more distance between the two of you. Or you can choose to look at it this way: that he really likes you and has had to think about being in a relationship because his feelings are so strong. When you spin things positively, something incredible happens: you will feel a levity that is far from the pain you’d normally feel in a situation like this, and in turn this makes you much more attractive – if not to him, than to a man who will really be able to commit to you.

    When you continuously strive to adopt a positive mindset and create fun, positive experiences in a relationship, then the man will start to see you as a positive aspect of his life…and pretty soon he’ll see you as a necessary part of his life, too. Here’s the thing: a man doesn’t usually walk around thinking, “Gee, I really want to be in a committed relationship with one woman for the rest of my life.” What happens is this: he meets the woman who makes him feel so good, he can’t imagine his life without her.

  21.  #21luzydel on September 5, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Whend they come back…what do I do with all these feelings? I feel yucky…I need space.

  22.  #22Ella on September 5, 2011 at 4:41 pm


    They seem to come back when you are no longer paying attention.


  23.  #23Ella on September 5, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Ok, how do I stand up for myself?

    Well I need to stay in touch with my feelings even more… and say when I don’t feel happy about something.

    That scares me…

    And I will do it.

    I find it extra hard with female housemate…

    I am going to practice.


    Don’t want to let resentment build up.

    Hmmm, practice, practice, practice.

    Love me.

  24.  #24Daria on September 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    i feel kinda uncomfortable to come read the blog

    i love my uncomfortableness


    i love my sigh

    smile i lov my smile

    hmh 🙂 i love my hmh

    hm hm i love my hm hm

    hhhh 🙂 i love my hhh

    breath i love my breath

    hmmf i love my hmmf.

    it felt scary to say i felt uncomfortable reading the blog

    i feel so happy for me expressing me

    i feel so wel taken care of!

    thank you Daria thank u 🙂


    i lov my sigh

    hehe feels good 🙂

  25.  #25Ella on September 5, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    The cleaning lady talked me into doing a last couple of shifts… but I am not doing tomorrow, so a comprimise I suppose.

    I guess I feel ok about that, although didn’t really want to do it at all… wanted to cut it out and just get back to me.

    And there is a balance with some responsibility to obligations.

    I feel ok about how I handled it and I can cope with just the last 6 hours of cleaning (in 2 bits) and even appreciate it knowing it will not last for ever.

    Hmmm, that could be a good philosophy to apply to most situations.

    That reminds me Mr Hot Gardener Guy came back… said he’s been busy working. I will text him back tomorrow. Fine for CD-ing and I don’t want to be with someone who is SOOO busy working he has no time for me.

    He acted as a mirror for me last time which was nice… showed me how it feels to date someone whose life is crazy busy with work.

    Wonder what he’s got for me this time, he he.

  26.  #26Daria on September 5, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    yawn feels good

    thank you Daria for vacuuming my room

    thank you for picking out beautiful clothes for me

    thank you for speaking up that i wanted pizza

    thank you for making lists for me of fun things

    thank you for getting off the phone when i wanted to rest

    thank you for dancing

    thank you for showing me inspiring videos

    thank you for showering

    thank you for making me tea

    thank you for feeding me in the morning

    thank you for doing breaths

    thank you for pikcing out fun books for me

    thank you for putting new clothes on me

    thank you for rubbing my head and brushing my hair

    thank you for getting me water

    thank you for saying to fix the chair and helping with it

    thank you for taking it easy for me and not rushing

    thank you for reading my interesting e-mails

    thank you for recording my dreams!

    thank you for expressing my feelings when it felt scary

    thank you for stretching

    thank you for thinking wonderful manifesting thoughts

    thank you for inspiring me to dance

    thank you for noticing the beautiful lace jacket!

    thank you for sticking my pinky out the shoe so it didnt get smushed

    thank you for getting me a melon

    thank you for connecting with the little puppy

  27.  #27Daria on September 5, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    thank you for choosing digestible food and drink for me

    thank you for wearing slippers to protect my feet in the shower

    thank you for rearranging plans so i could relax

    thank you for putting on fun show for me to watch

    thank you for doing the fun test practice

  28.  #28Daria on September 5, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Patricia – uhoh im feeling a bit scared reading your post and questions…

    here’s my understanding of Rori’s advice – and this is what I use for myself:

    we continue not being exclusive until we get the commitment we want.

    what does that look like for you if you’re not interested in marriage?

    perhaps it’s living together? what does your “walking into the sunset forever after look like?”

    when we get that… not just talking about it in the future but it’s actually happening with set dates and everything moving forward in a way that feels consistent and good…

    that’s when we commit as well… because we have the relationship we want

    otherwise we continue to not be exclusive until that shows up ! because what we want… is the “into the sunset forever after relationship” …( not the man )…

    feeling a little tense sharing this…!

  29.  #29Ella on September 5, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Ow I am sarting to feel a little bit uncomfortable now having a post about me (although I do feel very appreciative too)…

    It feels a lot like how I used to feel getting attention from guys… like ‘oh, uncomfortable, I am not really worthy of all this attention’ (NV) and freeze up.

    I feel paranoid that other Sirens are judging me as attention seeking.

    I love my uncomfortable and paranoid.

    I know some Sirens have seen this conversation before between me and J… but not with Rori’s answers… and some Sirens did expressly ask to see Rori’s answers about this…

    Hmmm, feeling like I need to explain, feels like pressure… not good enough feeling.

    Feel like shrinking violet and shrivel under attention. Feel worried of other Sirens feeling jealous (worrying about the feelings of others? and so temptation to not express?).

    Feel afraid of being disliked, similar to being at school.

    Feel an urge to try and ‘make’ people like me, or be good, or apologise for being here…

    Feels like tight and sadness, then frustration in chest.

    Turning to crinkly forhead like frustration and big hot sigh breath of anger.

    Grrrrrrawww F F F.

    Feels like pain in neck and shoulders and feeling really cross and rebelious.

    Like 2 parts fighting, nice, shy, good Ella, and Furious, had enough cr7p already, shut the F up Ella.

    Know there is some balance here.

    Feel acceptance.

    I Love Me.

    That is it.

    Oh and also feel some guilt posting a convo between me and him… I think its ok though… as his identity is protected.

    I hope it is anyway.

    Dang it he could be flattered to get all this attention from me.

    Just thinking how I felt when Pubman’s g,friend read our PMs… but that was different scenario….

  30.  #30Ella on September 5, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    EW re 8,

    You go Girl!



  31.  #31alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    dear universe,

    i would like to experience the feeling of not being afraid of disagreeing or conflict. people can have conflict and the relationship can survive.

    i would like the experience of fun at least 10 hrs a day. preferably my waking hours.

    i would like the experience of liking and appreciating people.

    i would like the experience of respecting men and really appreciating when they pay attention to me.

    i would like the experience fo feeling CONNECTED to life and people.

    thank you!!!!!!

    p.s. NOW

    thanks again!!!

  32.  #32Ella on September 5, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    Tmizz re 15


    I feel SO encouraged by your post.

    I also wondered a few things about if he has his own issues… etc…

    And then bringing the focus back to me 😉

    And I love the support Sirens have shown for me and feel soothed that I did ok and it is not my fault.

    So hard to be objective when you are in the middle of something.

    Big Hugs.


  33.  #33Ella on September 5, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    Thanks to all Sirens who have given me words of encouragement and support.

    I feel very cared for.

    And Sireny 🙂


  34.  #34Ella on September 5, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    Alias Girl re 31,

    Love it 🙂

  35.  #35Daria on September 5, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    thank you Daria for doing my nightime stretch!

    thank you for paying careful attention to how my body was feeling!

    tahnk you for noticing how much stronger my legs are in dance

  36.  #36Mel on September 5, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Ok ladies…

    So my first weekend by myself in my own apartment was absolutely crazy! Firstly, with all the unpacking and organizing and running around to find things I don’t have like a shower curtain, dish rack, new sheets… Tiring!

    Then, believe it or not I actually had 5 dates in 3 days! 4 of the 5 were first meetings. There were a lot of patient men that I had been corresponding with on Match that were quite eager to meet me, but I had been putting them off until after the move. So I figured why not… it’s the long weekend and I just felt like having some fun! After all that, I’m SO confident on first dates now! I’m like “whatever!” I’ll just go and have a good time and it doesn’t matter a bit if it doesn’t work out.

    Fortunately, two of them turned out to be super awesome dates! One was ok (I’d give it another go), one was completely awkward, and the other was with the “want to be friends” guy. Dating that much is exhausting! I think I will limit my dates to 2-3 per week! LOL.

    Today’s date was soooo sweet! He’s a photography professor (and really talented photographer). He took me to the art gallery and we had a blast appreciating (and also mocking) the different exhibits. He was really playful and flirty with me, which I loved. There was this cool fountain that had a glass bottom so that you could see the people walking below. I was peering over the edge and he “pretended” to push me in, but made sure I didn’t fall. At another point, he put his hand on the small of my back to direct me into one of the exhibition rooms. He would often stand beside me as we looked at paintings with his shoulder touching mine. He seemed to want to touch me… but not in a bad way!

    He went to the bookstore after and he showed me books of some of his favorite photographers. Then he asked if I had a sweet tooth because he knew of a great bakery/cafe close by that he would like to take me to. We chatted comfortably and shared some great desserts.

    At the end He walked me to my car and gave me a really nice hug. I just got an email from him asking to see me again this week! This is the guy who offered the boat ride earlier.

    All-in-all, a great day!

  37.  #37AmazingMe on September 5, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Wow, Sirens must be tired and quiet or still celebrating the long weekend ! I had a nice weekend at the beach:) …my happy place but it was a lil to crowded for me. Well I am tired but bored so I feel some riffin coming on..

  38.  #38Rori Raye on September 5, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Daria – Thank you – fabulous expression of how to date…..very, very helpful! Love, Rori

  39.  #39Lisa on September 5, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Omg!! This happens all the time lately. When it rains, it pours. When I am about to spend time with one guy that I am having fun with, like 2 or 3 others will get hold of me wanting time with me. I wish they would get hold of me in the in-between times where there are lulls with the above-mentioned fun guy. That would so help me with not freaking out when not hearing from fun guy if it were spread out more evenly. All at once, and I am with fun guy so my energy to see the others is spent. I will have to work this out. Right now 2 want time with me.

  40.  #40Tmizz on September 5, 2011 at 8:45 pm

    Hey, Ladies. I just say this great quote that a friend had posted on FB, and I just thought I’d share:

    “Missing someone gets easier every day because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will.” –Author Unknown.

    (or you could substitute “heard from”) 🙂

  41.  #41Tmizz on September 5, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    Ella – Thanks! I’m glad you’re feeling good, and I’m happy I could help. I needed something positive just now! 🙂

  42.  #42LobbyStar on September 5, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    6: Mel: “I want a man in my life that WANTS to be there, not one that I have to CONVINCE to be there.”


  43.  #43alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    #34 THANKS ELLA! Good luck in your upcoming Fall Zumba classes. I know you will be fantabulous!!!

  44.  #44alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 10:07 pm

    i just recv’d a text from a cd i have spoken to once briefly on the phone two weeks ago. at that time i told him i had to get off the phone because i was not in a good place (mood) and feared the convo would not go well.

    he has texted me once to ask how things were going. i said very good.

    and now he just texted me…

    “good night. sweet dreams”

    no. really. wtf.

    i am trying to appreciate people and men, in particular, when they show me attention but sometimes i just can’t help but think WTF.

    wtf is that text msg? no follow up phone call from the first one. no more text following are i told him that things are good with me.

    and then this.


    i am attracting men who fall into immediate imaginary relationship with me and i don’t even remember they exist until they contact me. usually by text.

    what is the message here?

    the message is a deep appreciation that i have learned to love myself and my life regardless of whether or not i ever find a man who intrigues me or sparks my interest.

    “sweet dreams”

    it almost feels inappropriate.

    like who the f*ck are you again?

    who cast these people in my movie? they are not doing well at all in the roles i have written for them.

  45.  #45Tmizz on September 5, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    It *is* very slow. Must be the holiday weekend.

    That sounds like a lot fun, Mel! Yay!

  46.  #46Starla on September 5, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    Ella, you rock!

  47.  #47Starla on September 5, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    So Sirens…
    I got on the scale today and discovered i have lost 12 pounds! probably in about a month or two. I wasn’t even focused on my weight…just eating and exercising in a way that felt good to me, and voila! 12 pounds lighter.

  48.  #48AmazingMe on September 5, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    Well it is 1am here and I am bloggin so i will be sleepy. You know a old friend of mine said, “If you contine do what you always done, You will get what you have alwAYS got. It is so true if we want things to change and prevent heartbreak disasters we need to search inside of ourselves first. Yes and some men are just douch bags but if we practice using Rori’s tools we can slowly see a difference in your futute situations! Like I have been baby steppin away over here, and though I get lonley at times. I know there is a man that appreciates me and my kids somewhere out there! Good news is I am not looking!!

  49.  #49alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 10:25 pm

    i feel like smacking him and screaming WAKE UP! and then kicking him in the balls with my high heel. which is probably just what he would LOVE. not kidding.

    rori has mentioned sometimes we hire men to help us feel bad about ourselves.

    i have run into men who do the same thing. they self-sabotage and then just anxiously await their “punishment.”

    ew. i don’t want to be hired for that position. that is not what i want to FEEL in regards to a man.

    like some other new cd last night said he would call me after his class. and then he never did. and then FIRST THING early this morning… almost like he was so eager for his “punishment” he texts me…

    “good morning, alias girl”

    it felt like (and i am no advanced psychic so i can’t be sure) but it felt like he KNEW exactly what he was doing and just wanted to hear “i thought you said you would call me” or some such crap.

    i never responded. i no longer felt attracted. like legit. it was as if he told me he smoked crack. you know. same kind of reaction. like ‘oh, i don’t want that in my life, best of luck to you.’

    so many men just want the scolding of a woman. it turns them on and makes them feel powerful at the same time.

    but i am a half alpha, ball-busting goddess and so i give them nothing and continue on my merry cding way and allow the endless river of men to flow.

    and some of the men from the endless river of men i let them do nice things for me and give them a chance to get next to me.

    but the line is long and if they want a chance they need to be strong men

    not whiney, misbehaving little boys with unresolved mommy issues.

    caveat though. if a man wants me to punish him —in a sexual sense— and is man enough to OWN that and not play nonconsensual mind games with me then I would be willing to provide that.

    but some of these men are just acting unconsciously. and then they end up with nagging women, which is basically what they set the woman up for and it’s a lose- lose for everybody. but that’s where those people are at. so i guess it’s win-win for them.

    but it doesn’t work for me.

    yae. i feel so good now.

  50.  #50alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    in other news. sometimes i see men that are so freaking attractive to me that i just thank the universe for creating them. oh my lord. whoa. i am on pof and i stumbled in this guy and he is just like dreamy dream dreamtime.

  51.  #51Leo on September 5, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    Hey Ella,

    have been reading your IM conversation and am really impressed by how you used your feeling messages. Want to get better at this too.

    I feel happy to hear that you can move on without him. He showed you what and who he is.

    I just felt like contributing some “stories” to the situation. Actually they are reversed but still similar 😀
    Feel like sharing this right now…
    A very good friend of mine, she is 27 now, has just been married to a great man, who is 43. They have happily been together for 8 or 9 years now.
    I believe relationships like this can work.
    I am actually living it, too. And doing so for the past 3,5 years. I am 21 years old, my wonderful man is 19 years older.

    For me… this whole matter depends on the person’s way of thinking, their attituade towards the topic (big age difference). If one is open to it….of course it can work out!
    We didnt chose to fall in love with each other… it “just” happened and I haven’t regreted my choice even a second!

    When I read the title of the article I at first felt really repelled. I felt afraid of reading another of those articles who tell you to look for a partner just +/- a 2-3 years.
    I should have known better…not here on this blog 😉

    Greetings from Germany!

    Great day today! Sun is shining big time!

  52.  #52alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    #47 nice, starla. 🙂

  53.  #53Tmizz on September 5, 2011 at 10:42 pm

    Okay, I want to explore something here. And I’m afraid to do it, because I know it means exposing myself. And I’m not sure what I want anyone to say about it, just that I feel the need to share it publicly, instead of just writing about it to myself.

    Okay, here goes…

    (and btw, I’ve shared this memory many times in therapy before, but nothing has ever come of it. Still, there are strong feelings tied to and, and I want to explore those.)

    I’m 16 years old – or about to be. I had been planning to do something with a friend, and the friend has not called me back. (This was before cell-phones were common, lol). So I mentioned this to my mom. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. I might have been upset or confused as to why my friend didn’t call back. But I certainly didn’t think anything bad about it. If anything, I expected my mother to reassure me that it was okay.

    Instead, my mother asks me what I did to “make” my friend not call me back.

    Excuse me?!?

    (Okay, that was my rational brain speaking)

    My 15 1/2-16 year old brain is reeling. My mother just accused ME of being responsible for my FRIEND not calling me back. How is this possible? I am outraged. Offended. Surprised. Blindsided. I feel attacked. On the one hand, she’s my mother. I want to listen to what she has to say. She must know best. She’s the mom. But on the other hand, something inside me is twisting. This Can’t Be Right. It says. Yet I’m twisting to find a way to Make it Right. To make HER be right.

    Meanwhile, hurt, angry, betrayed. But I can’t articulate. I am a hormonal teenager. I start yelling. What does she mean, it’s my fault? Then she gets angry because I am yelling. I am WRONG.

    First, I am Wrong, because I obviously did something that made my friend not want to call me back.

    Second, I am “wrong” for the way I feel.

    I cannot win. There is no arguing with her. She is always right, and I am always wrong. No matter what I do. I am always wrong, and I will have no friends. she doesn’t want me to have friends. She wants me to be weak, subservient, obedient, and “good” (according to her). Being “good” means always feeling Bad. Bad about who you are. Bad about your life. Bad about what’s going on. Bad about what you’ve done. Guilt is the only acceptable feeling. Feeling guilt is okay.

    I relax in to “Guilt.” Where it’s safe. I *must* have done something wrong. I Must be a Bad Person. I must always do things that I don’t know about that make people hate me. And then, when they hate me, because they’ve figured out what a horrible, worthless person I am, they will just not show up. They will abandon me. Because I am not worth their time, their effort, their energy.


    Wow. What I can’t believe is how much this whole pattern shows up in my life – STILL. If someone doesn’t call back, in my mind it is MY fault. If someone doesn’t show up, or doesn’t do something they promised – it was because of something *I* did. And if I so much as feel anger or any type of resentment at anyone, I can’t fully express it, because I feel deeply already that I must be Wrong for having those feelings, and instead I should be figuring out what feelings I’m *supposed* to have – or how to kiss the person’s ass so they will like me again.


    I hate these patterns. I hate them, hate them, hate them. They make me miserable. But they are so hard to break. Because even though I knew THEN that she was WRONG…I still had to make Myself the Wrong one, so that she would stop being angry with me…

    So I thank these patterns. Because they allowed me to cope in a confusing and painful situation that was threatening to my emotional safety. But ultimately, it doesn’t give me emotional safety.

    I am still, inside, that hormonal teenager. Trying to be rebellious. But I just can’t. Because she has too much power over me. And I give her Wayyyyy too much credit.

    She is, and was, obviously, very wrong.

    It is never anything but anyone else’s choice, what they decided to do, if they call me back or not. How can I know what was going on for them? Other people act of their own free will. Who I am and what I do can influence them, but I cannot “make” them do anything. Any more than anyone else can “make” me do anything.

    Perhaps you (Mom) don’t like it that I am attractive. Perhaps you don’t like it that I have friends. You can be jealous. But it is not *my* fault that you feel sad and miserable, and perhaps, unloved. It was never my fault. And I am not here to “fix” your problems or absolve you from your feelings. Those are yours alone. And I am not “responsible” for them.

    Whew. Okay. Thank you, Sirens, for listening, and letting me explore…

    I feel a little better now.

    Maybe, over time, I can remember The Truth, and these patterns will start to fade, and I can begin to let people show up for me and really show me how much they like me. Because I’ll believe them.

  54.  #54Starla on September 5, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    i am starting a belly dance class tomorrow — feeling nervous and very very excited!

  55.  #55Starla on September 5, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    Alias girl, what u say about men seeking punishment feels sooo true to me. Some of those guys will snap out of it, though, if you don’t feed into it.

    And the ones who aren’t capable of snapping out of it will get WORSE.

    it’s lovely, really.

  56.  #56alias girl on September 5, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    #54 starla lol.

  57.  #57Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 11:26 pm

    Mel I am enjoying your updates and reading about your new apt and dates! Inspiring…and glad you got settled in.

  58.  #58Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Ella!! This is awesome…I liked how you didn’t directly address the things he was saying a few times but rather said I feel smiley or what not…I don’t feel it sounded like you were pushing him away either and I do recall when that convo was taking place between you and rusty, et al…and I wasn’t sure why he had that opinion that you were pushing J away…but rusty is a whole nother story so I won’t go there…

    I’m excited for you and your business ventures, that is very courageous and I feel inspired by your ambition!
    It’s really great!!

    I miss exercising on a regular schedule and perhaps I will check out a local zumba class 🙂

  59.  #59Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    Ella I sympathize with you and the roommate situation…I think it is sometimes more difficult to deal with women because we are naturally territorial…and we don’t like to confront each other on our own turf. Is she officially living there or is she just your housemate’s girlfriend who decided to crash there all the time without asking you?
    I too have fallen into “nice” role…but I realized it was just cuz I didn’t want to deal with what was goingon at the moment…

  60.  #60Emerson on September 5, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    I keep catching myself saying “i think” instead of “i feel”….
    perhaps my new tool for myself will be to start every sentence with “i feel” whenever possible…starting tomorrow..no matter who I am talking to. It will be a reminder and also when I do talk to recycledCD eventually it will be more natural. Gah it always comes back to him. I need to stop obsessing. 😯
    but I really like him, he is my super favorite!

    btw alias girl, recycled is a HHG! 🙂

  61.  #61English Woman on September 5, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    #23 Ella

    See if Tony Robbins works for you, he has lots to say about standing up for yourself, might work. 😀

  62.  #62English Woman on September 5, 2011 at 11:57 pm

    #28 Daria

    Re the getting of the walking into the sunset thing, or the marriage or the living together whatever is your personal scenario as OPPOSED to getting “the particular man” is that’s how it’s supposed to be?

    Say X lady doesn’t just want Z man to marry her, it could be any man as long as she gets the above scenario of choice…….am I getting this right?

    Marriage as opposed to Z man being your husband

    Sunset or live together with any potential love not just Z man??

    This sounds so clumsly and badly written, but I think I am now beginning to understand this side of things…….

  63.  #63English Woman on September 5, 2011 at 11:57 pm


  64.  #64English Woman on September 6, 2011 at 12:00 am

    #10 Patricia

    I don’t want to appear negative but I have seen your scenario more than once on this blog, boy meets girl, they fall hard for each other, they become exclusive then next thing he has backed off…….

    Not saying this will happen with LD but please do keep doing the RR thing, of course that’s if you think it works in your best interest……..

  65.  #65English Woman on September 6, 2011 at 12:09 am

    #47 Starla

    WOW well done, it has taken me almost 12 weeks on Weight Watchers to achieve the same!!! That is fantastic in one month!! 😀

  66.  #66Patricia on September 6, 2011 at 2:57 am

    EW, Daria, Rori

    I really appreciate the perspective of dating that you described Daria…..I think it lines up nicely with what you are teaching and messaging Rori….and I agree with EW…….that it takes a bit of time to “get” this……….

    what I like about your work Rori is that it helps in the CD dating stage and then it’s still a solid style to be in relationship….to keep using feeling messages, to be aware of our bodies and how we feel….to be open with communication…to keep our feet on the ground and dance as the girl…lean back….but let the boy have a say when needed…..

    the walking into the sunset is such a beautiful image…….I feel peaceful, calm, loved, comforted when I think of that visual…and those are the feelings I gauge relationship by………when I ‘m feeling them when I ‘m with a man…………..I know I’m on the right track…….it’s not what he looks like on paper but how I feel when I’m with him

    EW I hear you loud and clear about instant and quick exclusivity potentially leading to it all falling away….I felt loved by your comments….and they have been quietly on the sidelines for me guiding me……sadly, or maybe fortunately I”ve been in that situation before too and I know how painful it was for me…but I also remember at the time, an anxiousness that played along with the falling in love quickly and I’ve been watching for that this time….and it’s just not there………now in my mind the words “there’s plenty of time”…..”it’s all good”….”let’s explore this” feel like good guides….and LD echoes this……he is also cognizant of not letting his feelings run away with the wind……and he shares this with me.

    “have the relationship you want”….leads to “being in the relationship you want”……lol that’s exciting……I think Rori’s your tools apply to all of it……I feel lucky and appreciative to have found these gifts at this stage of my life ….thank you!!


  67.  #67Lyka on September 6, 2011 at 3:25 am

    I thought I should share this with you, it’s quite revealing.

    Discover Your Personal Beauty Profile


  68.  #68Lyka on September 6, 2011 at 3:26 am

    I just can’t figure out which type I am, though…:(

  69.  #69Patricia on September 6, 2011 at 3:44 am

    EW and Daria
    just to clarify….I have been separated since 2002, divorced since 2006 and dating off and on since then….the last few years have felt like CDing in many ways even before finding Rori’s work…..just such an interesting thing that happens when Mr. Right might just be in front of you……..a wonderful process….amazing feelings……such a joy to explore…..


  70.  #70Daria on September 6, 2011 at 3:52 am

    my dream… i was in a big hotel and me and this other lady were looking for the bathrroms

    we kept finding these elaborate spa like marble baths but no real bathrooms

    then there was something about cleaning up poo and i told my dad there was poo in there…


    and now more is cmoing back, somthing bout a son coming to visit a family and the dad didn’t want to see him but the other son/brother did

    and something about a politician or hustler who had some connections with that family

    well there was also the inspired idea i got in my sleep that i could get another pair of slippers and try to glue the bottom of one pair to the worn down part of the ones i have now that i really like

    and i actually want to do that…

  71.  #71Daria on September 6, 2011 at 3:54 am

    English Woman – yup you got it! 🙂

  72.  #72Daria on September 6, 2011 at 3:56 am

    Yay Thanks Rori 🙂

  73.  #73Mo on September 6, 2011 at 5:26 am

    Hello Ladies,
    This is my first ever message. I am feeling that this is where I should bare my soul and inadequacies concerning my now non relationship. I met this guy last July. We became friends..sat around talking about everything. Nothing sexual went on for 3-4 months. We started dating. Hung out together and went places. Normal dating routine. He had said at one point he did not want a relationship. He was married 12 years and then in a relationship for 10 after the marriage.
    Things were chugging along until he told me he was moving for his job. About 3 hours away and he did not know when he would be back. I noticed he started pulling away. When it became close for him to leave we talked …I told him I had noticed his pulling away. He said yes he thought it might be easier. He left…we texted at first. He would pop up out of the blue have sex go on. It bothered me at first but then I realised I kind of liked us the way we were.
    Then he moves back. Now he will not hardly speak to me. I think that is because the last time we had sex he could not. He may be embarrassed. I am not understanding anything and I do not want to talk to him because I feel like he may think I want a relationship which in turn will make him really not want to speak to me.
    When he does see me most of the time he speaks to me first. If I am sitting on my balcony and am not doing anything he will say hello however if I am reading etc..he does not interrupt me.
    A couple of weeks ago at our weekly poker game (should I continue to go?) he was a bit tipsy. He walked me home told me he missed me , kissed me and left.
    I am crazy about him . He has told me the same thing but I do not know where to go from here.
    Any suggestions?
    Thanks for everything. I have started the RR way with Reconnect/Sirens but I get disheartened because I do not see anything happening.

  74.  #74Femininewoman on September 6, 2011 at 6:48 am

    Hi Mo,

    Have you tried cdating?

  75.  #75Femininewoman on September 6, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Sex with Your Ex – Bad Idea?

    Dear Soulmate Manifesters,

    Make-up sex. Break up sex. Mercy sex. Drive by sex. It’s easy sex. I just gotta have some sex. It’s better than nothing sex. Friends with benefits sex. Maybe this time it will be different sex.

    Sound familiar?

    These are just a few of the countless reasons why we might fall into bed with an Ex-lover. Unless a miracle has occurred, and your Ex has suddenly become your perfect right partner, having sex with your Ex is a mistake.


    As soon as you get close enough to smell them, your brain chemistry is triggered, memories come flooding back and you begin to re-attach.

    And for women, it’s even worse.

    Ladies, when you have sex with an Ex, your brain releases the bonding hormone oxytocin and that could cause you to fall in love with them all over again.

    If these aren’t enough good reasons not to do it, here’s the most important one: having sex with your Ex reconnects you to them energetically and it may block your future soulmate from coming in.

    I believe that having random, casual sex with your Ex (or anyone else) sends a message to the Universe that you don’t really believe or trust that your soulmate is on the way.

    You are not “living as if” when you do this.

    Think of it this way, if you had a 100% guarantee that your soulmate was arriving in 72 hours would you be having casual sex with someone else?

    As you are “savoring the waiting” of this time before the “One” arrives discover the sensual joys of self-pleasure. Imagine and feel (and yes even fantasize) that you are now physically WITH your soulmate and put your focus on him or her. While you don’t know what they look like you can certainly conjure up what it will feel like to be with them.

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


  76.  #76Femininewoman on September 6, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Why Am I Still Single?

    Here’s a question I got from Angela:

    Dear Virginia,
    I’ve been reading books about relationships and going to seminars for years. It doesn’t seem to have made a difference, I’m still single with no man in sight. What am I doing wrong?

    Like Angela, I too looked into everything I could find about relationships and had dismal results for years. I worked so hard to learn how to attract a man, then how to keep his attention and finally how to make him want to marry me. I had absorbed so much advice that it just made me more confused.

    All this knowledge was in my head, and I kept it there as I waited for the right man to come into my life. I saved myself from dating the wrong men and waited patiently for Mr. Right to show himself.

    Unfortunately, I didn’t realize that I wasn’t at all prepared to meet the right man. Why not? I hadn’t put what I learned into action and gotten to know what worked for me.

    For example, it’s one thing to learn that you need to set boundaries with a man; to know it’s important so you can stick to your values. But it is a whole other thing to put up a boundary when a man you’re falling in love with is standing in front of you! The power of his presence can make you forget everything you’ve learned and before you know it you’ve lost your integrity.

    I wasn’t willing to go out with men I didn’t think were Mr. Right, and therefore I was totally at a loss when I met a man that excited me. I became so distracted by my feelings that I didn’t know what to do.

    What can you do to avoid this from happening to you? Well, there is only one answer…practice, practice, practice.

    Think about how you learned to ride a bike. Were you able to ride your first bike in just one try? No way. You fell off a few times as you learned how to peddle. Balancing on a bike is a skill that takes practice, but once learned, is never forgotten. The same is true with your behavior. If you practice for the first time with a man you really like, most likely you’re going to take a spill. You have to experiment many times to see how it feels and to recognize what you need to overcome to do it well. Until you do, you won’t be able to trust yourself to do it correctly.

    That’s why it’s important to put into action what you’ve learned, even with the men you don’t like. You’ll be able to see what your weaknesses are and work to strengthen yourself in those areas.

    One skill I really needed to work on was learning to speak up for myself. Sure, I had read that it was an important thing to do, but until I practiced doing it, I wasn’t able to make it a part of me.

    If you, like Angela, feel that you know a lot about relationships but nothing is happening, I suggest you get out there and practice with men what you’ve learned from the experts you’ve been studying.

    There is an abundance of advice on how to have a successful relationship, but until you use that advice you won’t be able to make it your own and have it work for you.

    In the meantime don’t forget, things can change in an instant, don’t lose hope!



  77.  #77Mo on September 6, 2011 at 7:19 am

    No I have not tried CDing. I work two jobs and am trying to find out who I am. I bought a motorcycle back in the spring. I rode them when I was growing up. I have just now figured out it is alot scarier to ride as a grown up. Especially if one came off an auto accident that resulted in a concussion. But I am slowly becoming more confident on it.
    And I am helping a friend of mine with her horses, mules etc..
    I cannot seem to find the energy? to even be interested in a man. I do not want to put out the vibe that I do not like them.
    CDing would make me feel very uncomfortable. I tend to be a loner. Which in turn makes people see me as stuck up if they do not know me. Even thinking of going out with strangers gives me the heebie jeebies

  78.  #78Femininewoman on September 6, 2011 at 7:27 am

    MO read 75 above. It gives, in my opinion, a good angle on the reason why we should be cdating. Think of it as not to find a man for life but for therapy as Rori teaches. It helps you build up yourself and life skills that can help for work, your future children, as a matter of fact any relationship because you are building relationship skills. You can even do it in the supermarket with men on line or asking for help in the library. Maybe even at the gas station as you fill up your bike. It helps to build consciousness and awareness about yourself.

  79.  #79tinque on September 6, 2011 at 8:06 am

    Good Rainy Morning Lovely Goddess Ladies.

    Just wanted to say hello.


  80.  #80Tmizz on September 6, 2011 at 8:17 am

    #49 – AG, I think you’re right. I definitely think that there are men out there who “hire” women to “punish” them. Possibly for similar reasons that we do it. Possibly for other reasons, too. And I hate it as well, because it’s almost like they come to us with a preconceived notion that the woman is going to be a “ball-buster” (in a not good way), and/or a nagging “wife” type. They are hungry, eager, thirsty, for us to “prove them wrong.” But they never let us. They will do anything to get us upset. And when we do get upset, then they use it as ammo. Almost like “I told you so.” And then they can leave with the idea in their mind, “There was just another nagging woman.” Or even, “that woman was crazy.” Ugh.

    So good for you for not bothering.

    I don’t know for sure that the guy who texted you in the a.m. was *trying* to get your goat. But he certainly wasn’t terribly respectful in not calling when he said he would. So good for you walking away. Saying no to what you don’t want is saying Yes to YOU. 🙂

  81.  #81Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 8:21 am

    Sirens I’ve been thinking a lot about how I run away from friendships and relationships when they don’t work out. It’s like I just hit the road running and don’t look back. I may look back actually, but only to remind myself of why I left.

    This fosters a bitter and closed off vibe because of the pain and loss and also the self protection…it’s a wall I constructed.

    I would like to heal this, I really would.

    I feel that I have finally looked inside myself and why I am soo scared to committ to a man and marry and have a family, even though that is what I want so badly.

    I feel like it was so much easier to imagine in my 20’s and I didn’t overthink it so much…now maybe I’m overthinking it and bringing my baggage with me…

    I want to put down the baggage and feel fresh and new….and open to possibilities, like DallasCD. I have a feeling he’s a really good guy, and I don’t want to put him off with a weird vibe. 🙄

    FW thanks for posting the letter in 75, the part I liked most was “things can change in an instant”….
    Sirens as always thanks for your support and listening.

  82.  #82Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 8:23 am

    #49 AG wow this is really interesting, and I like how you handled yourself with that one.

    It feels bad when someone says they will call and then they don’t…but I don’t want to be TOO legalistic on this one…sometimes things happen and I feel I should be flexible…?

    But it does feel off putting and have to go by our gut how we feel in that moment…but good stuff to ponder, thanks AG

  83.  #83Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 8:25 am

    hi Tinque 🙂

  84.  #84Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Daria thank you for sharing your dreams!
    Last night I dreamed about recycledCD and we were staying somewhere like a campground, and he had another girls panties in his suitcase!!! He told me about it and said oh I have her panties in here…I said well get rid of them!! And I was mad. 😯

    The night before I dreamed about recycled as well, but I don’t remember the dream. I also dreamed about my ex, who is pretty toxic but was so super in love with me and wanted to marry me. It was like we got back together and we were in the car kissing and he was kissing all over my face…it was intense and I felt all in love with him again. I think I’ve never lost that feeling for him completely, even now four years after splitting. But I could never get back with him, he’s very scary sometimes.

  85.  #86DE on September 6, 2011 at 9:27 am

    So, I see Ella’s conversation and big dilemma a while back…

    I would have appreciated it the topic better had it been posted soon after …now, we kinda of burned out the discussion…or maybe that is the purpose…

    Well, I feel thankful and grateful to all my CDs that came into my life as practice for my FM…:)

  86.  #87Rori Raye on September 6, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Tmizz – so sorry you fell into moderation – and I wanted to thank you for your gorgeous, helpful post…you’ve moved me to publish some quotes from some of my favorite, life-changing books around this. Love, Rori

  87.  #88DE on September 6, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Feeling blah…:(

    I feel neutral twds T…Hmm…

    Again when it comes to doing “something”…gosh, i feel building resentment…:(

    I can appreciate being laid back and “game” about anything…but, boy it’s getting old…

    So, I will step back…and focus on me…back on CDing…and making my schedule busy…if he’s not making plans…then, oh well…

    I want a man who can lead…and bring some fun into my life…not me coming up with all these suggestions all the time…he comes up with them and doesn’t follow through…i feel sooo annoyed…

    I like being a home body…but, I also like to get out…and a man who has ideas and freaking makes it happen…

    I expressed to him several times now (yep 🙁 ) that it feels bad when i have to come up with suggestions …it’s getting old…i don’t want to be mad…i am also feeling a bit concerned he has changed his position about a long-term commitment and plan …to a “girlfriend…”…

    I already told him very early on I am not interested in the gf status…but rather a long term relationship…including marriage…

    I wonder if he forgot ab it…

    Well, me CDing and being busy with my life…would sure give me all the answers I need without having to ask…

  88.  #89Kristin on September 6, 2011 at 9:50 am

    sorry if this hurts feelings but it sounds to me like he was just trying to get free dates. He wanted a woman to pay for him and kept hinting at it throwing sweet talk in. I’m with a guy like that. I pay for everything. He lives off of me and the sweetness goes away really fast. Its not anything you did. Its the fact he couldn’t get you to be his money bag. He wants an older woman who will pay for everything and you don’t want to be used like that. Have respect for yourself. You are beautiful gorgeous and need a man that can care or you! You DID nothing wrong. Hes just the type that lives off of others and tries to get people to pay for him.

  89.  #90DE on September 6, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Kristin #89

    Hi Kristin, i feel curious…is u post addressed to me? 🙂

    warm hugs,

  90.  #91Mo on September 6, 2011 at 10:14 am

    Thank you Femininewoman,
    I tell myself most of the time, “Its not about the man”.
    Some moments are better than others. I listen to Rori’s cds over and over and feel a whole lot better . But at times when it comes down to implementing her ideas I get jittery as to what do I do next. Then evrything I have learned flies out the window and I feel like a nitwit because I have forgotten the basics.

  91.  #92Daria on September 6, 2011 at 10:35 am

    from another thread:

    2760: Stacie R says:


    I have been dating someone for 4 months. Things have been going great. I’ve met his children and he has met mine. Recently, he has been having some work related stress and has shut me out completly. Last week, I noticed a difference in our communication where he was barely communicating with me at all. When I asked him if things were okay with us, he responded “things are fine, I’m just in a funk.” I tried to contact him this weekend but he ignored my phone call. When he finally did return my phone call he stated that he hasn’t been ignoring me but instead has been crabby and doesn’t feel like talking. This was three days ago and i have heard nothing from him. As much as I hate to admit it, I am spending most of my time thinking about him and wondering if he has meet someone else,or is he trying to break things off with me and rather then tell me it’s over, he is just going to ignore me until I go away. I feel that after 4 months together and meeting each other children, he owes me an explaination as to what is going on with him. Please advise me on how to handle this. i don’t want to seem needy so I haven’t sent him any text messages or attempted to call him, but is this the right thing to do? PLEASE HELP! Thank you.

    Tuesday, 6 September 2011 @ 8:37am

    2761: Rori Raye says:

    Stacie – this is the scary place we all get to at one time or another. He’s hit the point at 4 months (classic) where he’s thinking about what to do with you and the relationship. Whether he wants to go further and marry or bail. Have you agreed to exclusivity? Because if you haven’t – I hope you’re Circular Dating for real, and if you have, or wouldn’t feel okay with that – that you’re Circular Dating in the true meaning of the tool – practicing with every man you meet. Talking to men. Interacting with men. Flirting.

    About this: He Owes me an explanation.

    He owes you nothing. Nothing. His job is to do what he does. Your job is to see if what he does is what you want.

    What he needs to demonstrate in some way is his ability to do relationship – in other words – does he care for you more than he cares about his “comfort zone.” Is he willing to feel embarrassed and frightened in order to make you happy and keep the relationship going.

    This is what he’s struggling with – pretty profound. And your job is to let him be.

    He WILL call or text eventually, and it’ll be something innocuous like “how ya doin?”

    Prepare yourself with some scripts sharing exactly how you feel – the good stuff (the weather, your work, your kids…real poetry here…) and the uncomfortableness and frustration and loneliness of being without him, and that it would feel great to go through things on your side and his side as a team – together.

    Ask for nothing – express your feelings and dreams, and that’s it. You can ask him what he thinks – and that’s it.

    Love, Rori

  92.  #93Daria on September 6, 2011 at 11:07 am

    Lilybelle – from the other thread!

    omg! it feels so good to be asked!

    i felt confused when i had read your answer and

    i was feeling afraid i had pushed you away and i felt sad and disconnected

    and it felt so good when you asked me that warmly


    i feel moved

    i feel like im gonna cry

    ok no crying

    just trembling

    i’m used to this pattern where i share feeling bad and then what i thought would happen or what i think i remember happens is i perceive the other person (mom) withdraws and treats me cold and i feel lonely and afraid and sad

    thank u for being here for me to practice

  93.  #94DE on September 6, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Thank u Daria for reposting that 🙂


    “Your job is to see if what he does is what you want.”

    Yes, so true…

    He makes time for me…
    He always picks up the bill…
    But he makes no decisions about where to go or what to do…”well, whatever u want…”

    I also noticed how I turn myself off…:( We went out Sunday nite, again after I expressed that it would feel good to go out tonite…

    I had so many opinions…i even turned into “teacher”…sharing with him ab how to get kids to cooperate, etc…He was definitely impressed…but not aroused…and neither was I 🙁

    I didn’t feel connected that nite…it feels bad that I know more than he does…I feel turned off…:( That nite neither one wanted sex…

    But, I noticed…

    So, yesterday morning…it hit me…:( I immediately went into the girly mode…just expressing…being…feeling me…and it did bring him closer…that was amazing to notice about myself…


    I feel thankful that I can practice with him so much…yet, I feel a bit sad…he may not be stepping up…and therefore, not a long term…

  94.  #95alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:11 am

    #80 thank you tmizz. i really feel relieved to hear sirens accepting my point of view. i felt nervous to post how i really felt since it is not based on any sort of fact or “proof”. it just FEELS that way.

    and in the past i used to try and express myself to certain kinds of men but for me, at this point in my life, it just doesn’t feel worth it. it feels like “too much work.”

    there are so many men. why not let the ones that feel better have more access to me.

    now if that man wants to come to me and say “sorry i didn’t call. i know i said i would. and yayayayaya.” i might consider him. or i might not. depends on how i FEEL.

    and that’s all i need to know. how do i feel. there are some people that can do so many screwy things and it doesn’t phase me because it feels like that is how they are running their entire lives and it is not personal or Intentional to get under my skin.

    anyway all i need to know is how i FEEL.

    and like you said, say Yes to Me.

    🙂 xxoo.

  95.  #96alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:14 am

    #82 emerson. thanks. yes, depends on how i FEEL about it. about the man. the situation. myself in relation to the man.

    i really trust my feelings.

    plus. they always come back. so he can give himself another chance in a month. if i allow him to. would depend on how i FEEL.

  96.  #97Wildflower on September 6, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Feeling sort of sad and unsure and frightened. This feels like a knot in my chest. I love the knot in my chest. I imagine it’s like the sun radiating outward.

  97.  #98Daria on September 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    I Want to live on my own for free in a fun beautiful clean place where i can be loud if i want to and have guests and celebrations and smoke and feel safe and private and close to fun and friends

    that feels like contented sigh and giggle 🙂

    that looks like it might be happening

    And i want to live in new york! TOO!

    i want a place in the bay And one in new york

    that feels sad i feel guilty to leave hawkman

    and i dont want to feel that way

    and that would feel exciting and fun!

    and i want to travel for free worryfree whenever i want!

    and that feels like humming !!!!

    And i want to be in Rori’s teleclass on thursday

    and that feels like sinking – im determined in my brain it won’t happen

    and waht if it did happen>? i might burst

    what if i dont burst?

    waht if its ok to have it happen?

    that would feel scary!!!

    scary to manifest so powerful so quick!

    its ok you’re safe it won’;t happen

    what if its safe for it to happen?

    it feels uncomfortable to hold the thought of it happening

    and i love myself for doing it

    it fdeels like my energy is humming and vibrant and ringing and alive!!

    wow!! weeeeee


    i feel like i can’t handle it?

    and what if i Can handle it?

    what if its ok for it to ahppen

    what if its good for it to happen


    i give myself permission to let it happen

  98.  #99Daria on September 6, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    i love my fear!

    i love my uncomfortableness!

    thank you for telling me you feel afraid and uncomfortable

    thank you for doubting!

    thank you for trying to protect me


    im in charge and we’re safe

    and im gonna give this happiness thing a shot now ! 🙂

  99.  #100Daria on September 6, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    voice says “even if you dont get this, you will be ok”

    thanks voice!! you are so good for looking out for me!
    and i embrace you and i won’t abandon u

    and im going to go on feling happy and doing what makes me feel good

    and opening to getting it!!

    im in charge

    and im giving this happiness thing a shot!!

    wooo hooo

    lets dance and celebrate voice

    you are safe

    i promise you

    i will protect you now

    you can play!!!

  100.  #101Daria on September 6, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    this feels scary

    i feel like crying1!!!

    thats ok!!!

    its wonmderful to cy

    i love you!!!

    you are safe

    crying is wonderful

    weee i feel smily now

  101.  #102Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    It’s my first day at my new job! I feel thankful to have a good job. I feel a little nervous too.

  102.  #103tinque on September 6, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Esteemed – Nervous is normal. I have no doubt that you will do just fine, better than fine, amazingly.


  103.  #104Senior Lady Vibe on September 6, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    @60: Emerson says:
    “…I keep catching myself saying “i think” instead of “i feel”….”

    I hope so… “Think” is for thoughts and
    perceptions; “feel” is for feelings. We must keep our hearts and heads balanced. It’s good to know the difference or things can get kind of “blamey.”



  104.  #105Ella on September 6, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    DE & Kristen,

    Re 89,

    DE – No I think it was prob addressed to me about the conversation between me and J.


    And if it is… thank you for your thoughts. And I appreciate that you care and want the best for me.

    I feel a bit defensive.

    I don’t think that is what this situation is about… I don’t think he was after a sugar Mummy.

    But who knows…

    Ala Rori it doesn’t matter really, only how I respond and look after myself and my needs.

    Regarding your situation, how do you feel about it?

    If paying for stuff makes you feel angry or resentful how would it feel to stop doing that?

    Do you have Rori’s e-book?


  105.  #106Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Thanks, Tinque!

  106.  #107Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    Soon I’ll have enough to get an apartment, hopefully closer to the job. This is a long commute.

  107.  #108Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Ella and Rori,

    I really enjoyed reading this whole exchange. Rori, I felt surprised that you okayed reaching out to him. I would have been going nuts after such a positive, fun exchange and then nothing! Ella, your responses to him were fabulous!

    I related a lot since r is 15 yrs younger and broke. But I just can’t seem to break my powerful attachment to him. He feels like a part of me.

  108.  #109Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 4:50 pm


    I agree that age is unimportant. It’s about maturity and compatibility. I’ve known of some real life relationships with big age differences that were very successful !

  109.  #110Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    Esteemed, I hope you had a great day at the new job!! So exciting. Who knows what doors it will open for you?? Maybe new friends and in turn new ways to meet people (men??)….?? I feel excited for you!!!

  110.  #111Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    I can relate to how you feel about R…I felt the same about my ex…it was soo painful to let go of him because he had been part of my life for sooo long…and we were very codenpendent with each other too…and he was SUCH a part of me. And kid was involved (his).

    I still have feelings if I really start to think about him alot (which I don’t allow myself to do)…but now I don’t pine for him anymore but I have other men I’m interested in…and even when I feel down I know I can come here and chat with you sirens and feel inspired to meet more CDs so I don’t get hung up on recycledCD too much..or any other guy for that matter.

    I want to remember to focus on ME and my needs, and I keep remembering how Rori says it is so unattractive when we try to “give” so much to a man or be “nice”…and “help”…someone in my life is doing that to me right now and it literally makes me want to avoid this person most of the time…even though they are a wonderful person. It’s really annoying.

  111.  #112Ella on September 6, 2011 at 5:19 pm


    Thanks. I feel very good about the positive feedback I have had from Sirens about how I handled the situation.


  112.  #113Ella on September 6, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    So here I am… middle of the night and wide awake again… I did close off the computer and chill and then thought I was going to sleep and just didn’t!

    There is SO much whirling round my mind right now so I thought I would write on the blog about it instead.

    It just seems like everything is in ‘suspended’ mode atm…

    I feel like I am WAITING for a million things and it feels so tense not having a clue how this is all going tp play out.

    Its so weird, I go through phases like this. Where I am just waiting on a million things, all totally outside of my control, which will determine how my life is going to pan out.

    Stuff which is pending in my life right now:

    > Hearing back from a potential venue to see whether I can move one of my Zumba classes there since we are no longer able to use the existing venue… and this will decide whether…
    > I accept the use of another venue for a different class… it depends whether the days clash
    > Other work – I have ads out in the paper plus 3 new clients, and it is pending to see whether I get reponse from the ads or repeat business.
    > a decision on a finance option that could help me sort out my debts.
    > Confirmation of a venue booking for my birthday celebration.
    > Confirmation from my DJ friend as to whether he can supply music for my birthday celebration.
    > Whether my Zumba classes will pick up in numbers enough that I can earn a decent living.
    > Whether my other business will achieve what it needs for me to earn a decent living.

    Ow, and I think that is about it atm…

    And it just all feels overwhelming. Like Wow, I really have no control over any of this and it feels scary too.

    Especially the financial stuff as I am intending to let go of the outcome, and it just feels so damned important to be able to earn enough when I have these scary debts hanging over my head…

    I had my first Zumba class back after the Summer break tonight. Before it closed it was getting about 17 people… tonight only 8.

    Feels scary and yet I know it takes people a while to get back into their routines.

    I know I can’t control any of this stuff… so I can only just write it out then let it go… and turn my attention to what I CAN do… ie: putting out lots of flyers and posters for my Zumba class…

    Advertising my other service.

    De-cluttering my life and watching my spending.

    Being in the moment.

    Providing a good Zumba experience for those who attend my class etc…

    And I am approaching with the mindset that I want to help people and contribute and improve people’s (and my own) quality of life….

    And yet I still feel doubt. Like NVs saying that LOA stuff is just fanciful etc…

    However it feels good to approach my life this way, as long as I don’t sink in financial trouble.

    I guess it just feels like extra pressure because of the financial pressures.

    Ok Universe, what is my lesson here? How to let go and stay in the moment even when what feels like really important stuff is hanging in the balance?

    Thank you for the 8 regular people who came to my Zumba class tonight and love it!

    Thanks for my 3 ironing clients I have had so far.

    Thanks for various venue options for my classes.

    Thanks to my housemates for helping me arrange my birthday and to my friend who has offered the music at little or no cost (I think).

    Thanks for my other business.

    Thanks for my cosy bed.

    Thanks for the men you are sending to me to practice with.

    Thanks for my lovely car that I love driving.

    Thanks for everything.

    Ok, Lets see what happens next.


  113.  #114Ella on September 6, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Feels like tight ball at top of throat…

    And sigh…

    And tensy shoulders.

    Oh and warm aching in left side of back and shoulder blade.

    And closing throat…

    Swallowing, love my swallowing. Dry swallow.

    And itchy head.

    Feels like sinking in and releasing back.

    And tired eyes.

    Feels like tension in side of my head…and very quickly to itchy, fast moving, and tight throat again but less.

    Feels like tension and tired behind the eyes, oh and I can feel something in vagina… tensing? Just kinda ‘off’ feeling 🙁

    Feel scared about that… oh no that’s a thought, the thought is ‘what if something is wrong?’ … and that feels like tight throat again, and throbbing behind eyes.

    And have met so many interesting people recently, with ‘crazy’ or so it feels to me sometimes views about stuff, and I feel lost.

    I don’t know what is true or which way to follow.

    Oh that feels like it.

    Scary, tension issues.

    And just want to love on myself.

    Worry about letting my mum down…

    But that is not a feeling so much as a thought… well it kinda is.

    Feels like pressure throbbing in my ears.

    Urges to eat stuff.

    Just an urge, nothing more.

    Feels like headache and ARGHHHHHHG! Why will nothing change?????!!!!!!

    Feels like stuckness, and frustration, and FIGHTING, STRUGGLING.

    OK, Want to heal this.

    Afraid I can’t do it on my own.

    Feels like massive pressure behind eyes.

    Ouch, pain up through womb ??

    Fidgeting, aww, and pain inside by where I would have period pains…

    Feels weird, owww and now tingly head… wow feels lighter, and just a fleeting smile.

    Oww, tense eyes again, and tingly head again.

    And DEEP sigh.

    Cool, how cool is this. Imagine being able to do this silently in the prescence of a man.

    And NV just popping up about taking up too much blog space right now which feels like constricting throat again.

    And auchy tummy.

    And I LOVE my NV, very sweet to worry about that.

    And feeling kinda sleepy with another smaller sigh.

    And I might go to the bathroom cus I am ready to read again now and maybe sleep.

    And no pressure (tight shoulders again) as no need to get up too early. All will be ok.

    I love my body sensations.

    I love you Ella.

    Night night (I expect).


  114.  #115Ella on September 6, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    No-one here?

  115.  #116Ice Princess on September 6, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I’m here Ella.

  116.  #117Daria on September 6, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Ella I am here 🙂 am feeling sleepy and good

  117.  #118Starla on September 6, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    I’m here:)

  118.  #119Ice Princess on September 6, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    I treated myself to a mani and pedi this afternoon in preparation for my sisters wedding which is feels bad because it makes me feel like a loser for being divorced and single. Then I see a skank posting on LPs Facebook but I am sinking into those feelings or at least trying to.

  119.  #120Starla on September 6, 2011 at 6:24 pm

    Feeling bummed my belly dance class got canceled cuz not enough people signed up!

    Am doing laundry and cooking instead. And watching Dr Who. And enjoying the feeling that life is sooo good.

  120.  #121Starla on September 6, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    Ice Princess, put DOWN the facebook hehe and walk away, hehehe.

    When girls give me pangs of jealousy re: one of my guys, I turn it into a game of out-girling her. This has been the best way for me to tolerate that awful feeling. It’s a good outlet for the intense feelings and a way of ensuring i don’t let it make me lean forward or jack up my vibe too bad.

  121.  #122Ice Princess on September 6, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    Starla, you mean not liking or posting on his? I don’t do either. If he wants my attention, he has to call and he hasn’t since our little fishing outting with the kids that went horribly bad. I know he is busy at work since he had yesterday off, so I am leaning way back.

  122.  #123Daria on September 6, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    gotta record that i felt all tense in my tummy when the guy i was talking to and i suddenly started talking about me… and how come i ‘sound’ a certain way well actually he didn’t say it that way but that’s the thought that triggered me…

    i felt all tightened up and pulled inot that energy but i communicated through it well in a feeling way

    i said i feel insecure about who i am

    and that i felt tightend up int eh top of my tummy!

    go me!

    i didnt expect to say those things but i did!


    i feel happy

    and also noticing some of my triggers

  123.  #124Starla on September 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    yes, that, and outgirling her by leaning back more, eg stay away from looking at his page. Imagining what it would feel like to not care about getting his attention, and trying to hold onto that feeling. It’s my game of outgirling with every bone in my body. It helps me mucho mucho, but I love playing games to get through stuff I don’t want to do due to old habits (cleaning, homework, work-work, not compulsively worrying about a guy lol, etc.).

  124.  #125Ella on September 6, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Hi IP, Starla and Daria,

    Nice to see you all 🙂


  125.  #126Ella on September 6, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    Starla re 124,

    That is great, I love that.

    FB can be sooooo triggering if we let it… the tiggers are starting to seem less powerul though, so hopefully healing that one.

    I love the idea about the game, and getting that feeling of not caring abou getting his attention vibe, yes, yes LOVE that.

    I kinds flow in and out of that.


  126.  #127Ice Princess on September 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    I like the idea of the game too. I also use cleaning when I want to lean forward.

  127.  #128Daria on September 6, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Ice Princess I felt uncomfortable seeing the word ‘skank’ about that woman…. instead of feelings and
    intention of healing the trigger

    i wonder if i am seeing this because i’m judging women ?

    where am i judging myself then?

    ohhh i was just watching videos with women and i felt AFRAID of being judged myself


  128.  #129Daria on September 6, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    ok this is a game of expressing my feelings as if they made sense without explanation and no one would distance themselves from me after

    i felt sad actually and shocked


    that was different than waht i said!

    thank you for the Game tool

  129.  #130Daria on September 6, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    i felt concerned too mostly, like ‘worried’ i felt worried… is that kinda like scared?

    i felt disturbed

  130.  #131Ice Princess on September 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Daria, she throws herself at LP and I know that LP doesn’t want to be with her but I just feel like she is a nasty person who has said things about me when she knows nothing about me.

  131.  #132AmazingMe on September 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Hello Sirens! Well I think somehow I wrenched my back! Ouch! In pain, this sucks I been dealing with chronic back pain since I had children. The flare ups are the worst it throws my life on a side track because I can’t help but focus on it …grrrr. I been eating IBProfen like candy. Good to see you all sorry to whine!

  132.  #133luzydel on September 6, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    I am having funny thoughts …
    like I am worrying too much if I lean forward, backward, etc, but a guy may be sitting in his couch thinking “bla bla I need a bear, bla bla im hungry” and not giving any importance to the silly things we do about dating…lol I wish I was like a man sometimes.

  133.  #134Starla on September 6, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    133 luzydel and others –

    I could be way off here but

    I’m starting to get the feeling that if you do dating like a Modern Siren, guys DO sit there alone and think and obsess about you, the way we do with them. Some of them catch themselves and take some rubberbanding moves to re-center and not lose themselves so quick, which isn’t a bad thing.

  134.  #135Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 7:08 pm


    I agree that age is unimportant. It’s about maturity and compatibility. I’ve known of some real life relationships with big age differences that were very successful!

  135.  #136Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    I feel so at a loss about becoming a siren. I know the things to do to lean back and yet I just don’t do them. I’m afraid too many years of being alone have left me with high masculine energy. 🙁 I want to be feminine, but I’m not!

    I use to tell man I don’t know how to relate to men. now I do know how to relate to men, but I still plunge into a relationship headlong like a bull in a china closet.

    I’ve been working on inner healing since my twenties, when I first became conscious of my severe emotional and social deficits. Yet when I flubbed up, Like I recently did with r, I feel like I’m no further ahead then when I was 21. Humph! I think before I’m ready for a serious relationship with a man,I STILL Knead deep inner healing. Misspelling intended. 😉

    Every moment I had today was on my mind wasn’t on my job, My thoughts went to R, To loneliness, To pain. I have worked thru layer after later after layer of loneliness and pain.

    Yet the moment R started giving me some positive attention, I was a bundle of love loneliness and pain, Totally out of control. I feel way too embarrassed to detail it for you all.

    I need some deep deep inner healing and I don’t know how to get it.

  136.  #137Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Amazing Me,

    A chiropractor can work wonders! My chiropractor gave me my life back, After an injury that left my lower back in so much pain That is hurt to walk or stand.

  137.  #138Esteemed on September 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    I’m really hoping that when gar becomes apart of my life, I find some healing. He seems to really like me. Once again, We hope to meet this weekend. He has had circumstances beyond his control Keeping him for meeting me.

  138.  #139AmazingMe on September 6, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Re137: Thanks for info! I used to go but it was expensive. 🙁 I need a quick fix even though pain meds and I do not get along I need something to stop this crap. I also would like to say I too have had a situation almost identical to you and R! I followed your relationship through the blog but mostly just observed. So much of how you were matched what I did. I still think of him sometimes more than others but I had to walk away for good. It was or is really hard.

  139.  #140luzydel on September 6, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    I still think we get too hung up on the idea of a relationship…some even about marriage (which is sad). Funny thing is that when a man obssesd about us the same way we do, we loose interest…

    maybe we just want the chase…

  140.  #141AmazingMe on September 6, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    I never regret C being apart of my life because he was part of god’s plan for me. I have learned so much and am practicing boundries daily. We are beautiful, loving goddesses!! We deserve the whole damn cake not crumbs! So it is up to us now to put the icing on the cake with a smile 🙂

  141.  #142Susan on September 6, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    RE: 136: Esteemed

    Is it possible that you are just more comfortable in your boy energy? Have you dated men who have girl energy? Did you like it? Or hate it?

    I had been alone for a long time and I thought I was more comfortable in my boy energy… until I dated a man who totally was in his girl energy. That is when I began to understand the difference in energies. And I realized I wanted to be in girl energy and didn’t know how. Coming here helps. But if I wanted to be in boy energy, I’d go after men who are in girl energy. As long as you are not competing, it should work.

  142.  #143Mel on September 6, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    So funny!

    Today was my birthday and it’s my tradition to wear a new dress and look super pretty on my birthday. So I was looking and feeling super hot in my birthday dress.

    Going to work this morning… I parked my car in the lot. I have to walk about a block from the parking lot to my building. There’s lots of construction/roadwork being done currently, so I had to walk by the crew. This cute construction dude completely stops what he’s doing. I give him a 5 second smile. He says “Good morning!” I say “Good morning!” back at him. Meanwhile, his partner is trying to toss him something from this open pit in the road. Cute construction dude doesn’t see this because he’s too busy watching me and the object falls back into the pit. The partner yells “Hey! Watch what you’re doing will ya!” I giggle and go on my way to work.

    LOL… best feeling ever!

  143.  #144Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Esteemed I too have had to “tone down” my masculine energy after being single for a long time…I had to be a man to find a place to live, get a job, buy a car, buy a house…all by myself, etc etc…

    I just last Summer realized how “pushy” I’ve been in leaning forward with men. It’s kinda embarrassing but I love me anyway…I was doing the best I can.

    I think it’s what Rori calls switching hats from boy to girl…and back again, etc…I think of that analogy a lot and it’s easier for me to switch back and forth now that I’ve practiced a bit. Still a challenge tho…baby steps

  144.  #145Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    143 Mel that’s awesome…like you were in a Nair commercial! LOL

  145.  #146Starla on September 6, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Oooh happy birthday, Mel:)

    Blowing magic fairy dust sparkles your way

  146.  #147alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    haven’t caught up on posts.

    just checking in.

    ugh and oof. and thank you.

    and whoa. and rrrr. and thank you.

    and me feel depleted. today felt challenging.

    being a goddess is Waaaaaaaaaaaaay better than trying to get stuff done like a man and hustle and make my way and ew.

    leaning back. basking. and figuring out what outfit to wear feels waaaaaaaaaay better.

    well good at least now i am clear on that. ok, thank you universe for my easy mcbreezy life.

    in cding news. all men online bore me to pieces. by the first email i am bored – to – pieces.

    i told one guy “i feel impatient.”

    and then he wrote “ok, let’s meet!”

    haha. and then i told him i felt like backpedalling. lol.

    i felt some promise with him but then i felt bah! about him and haven’t heard from him other than a text of him asking permission to call me. EW!BAH!

    and i got another “how are you” text today from “sweet dream” dude who is in imaginary love with me.

    bored- to -pieces

    in bragging news today, a woman called me her “angel”

    and in further bragging news, i have heard this often in my life.

    so i feel i have done well. if i died in this moment my only regret would be that i did not have more time.

    but with the time i did have…. i like what i did with it. considering the contrast i lived early on—- i’ve done quite well for myself.

  147.  #148alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    #75 re the article

    i can have sex with an ex and feel fine about it. i am still hung up on them anyway.
    but also, i don’t have 100% faith that i even have a “soulmate”

    maybe i am just meant to have sex with exes. maybe that’s my fate. even though i don;t believe in fate. i believe i create my reality. oh…hmmm…

    maybe because i am still trying to create a reality that includes my exes. hmmm. interesting.

    and so if the opportunity arises and I FEEL good about it then i will still do it.

    but with one ex it just hasn’t seemed to line up right for me because i can’t get myself to feel good.

    but when it lines up again….i’m in for sure. sign me up. like now.

    like right now.

    also if my “soulmate” (that i don’t believe exists) WAS arriving in 72 hours then YES definitely i would want to have sex with ALL three of my favorite exes as much as i could because it would be the last hurrah with all of them

    this article feels stifling to me.

    with sort of retro philosophy on the “saving” sex for that “someone special”. it feels very 1950ish.

    on the other hand, for all my thumping I do for freedom in sexuality, i am a little uptight and unconsciously maybe carry the same ideals. which annoys me.

    if there were more men i wanted to f*ck i would be f*cking them all.

    that is the Truth.

    and also i feel very attached to one of my exes. like i feel very attached.

    even though i fee totally ok with meeting someone new and better for me and moving on in a millisecond.

    wow. ok. i feel kind of all over the place in this post.

  148.  #149alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    took out my sex stuff from my profile and added a picture instead.

    i feel bored.

    bored bored bored bored bored bored bored.

  149.  #150Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Esteemed, I am sorry you were having a hard time at work thinking about your pain etc. 🙁
    Sending love and hugs your way and you are not alone in feeling that way and you are not alone on Siren island…xoxo..remember baby steps.
    I am not good at giving advice so I will leave it at that…

  150.  #151Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Alias girl I took all my online profiles down because I was feeling bored and semi annoyed with the whole process.

    After a while it started feeling like I was having the same convo over and over. Blech. And guys asking me WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE? I mean, that is so unoriginal and BORING.

    So I’m experimenting now and challenging myself to meet guys in person. The five second smile is super hard for me! I am such an outgoing person but shy too! Ack!

  151.  #152Emoticon on September 6, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    Ok sirens. Haven’t been around much on these last 2 threads because unfortunately I have to do this from my phone. I need 2 ask though, those of you who have had this experience 2 share your experience with me please if you don’t mind, also how u felt and how u went about doing this. Sirens how do I CD a guy I have no physical attraction for whatsoever? I’m wondering will it feel icky? I have been talking to this guy 4 some time and its so easy 2 b authentic with him because I don’t like him but how do I date him? He just told me he likes me and wants 2 take me out and I agreed. Now I’m feeling a little uneasy because its really a first for me!!


  152.  #153alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    #151 emerson lol. i swear all guys were all cut from one mold. it’s the exact same guy just different wrappings. which is why i want an HHG! at i’ll least have something i like to look at.

    “so why are you still single?”
    “how long have you been single”
    “who do you live with?”
    “any luck?”
    “how are you?” (you write back a goddessey feel message) twenty minutes late they write back. “oh that’s good.”
    “what do you like to do?”
    “ask me anything you want” (I always tell them thank you but i don’t have any questions at this point. lol.)

    anyway, emerson, good for you for practicing the five second smile. it’s challenging for me too but when i succeed it feels really good. at least THAT’s NOT boring.

    actually thanks for reminding me. i am going to push that into uberdrive.

    and five second smile way more dudes. esp hot ones.

  153.  #154alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    “ask me anything you want”

    “tell me something about yourself”

    i feel like he basically just handed me the oars and said, “row.”

  154.  #155alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    so after posting about wanting sex with one of my exes Now

    i felt an urge to lean forward.

    so i started formatting a text to him and

    this is what came out

    please dont respond to this. it never works when i contact you.

    and then i stopped. tada. and of course i didn’t send it.

    but that is exactly how i felt and i always feel angry if i have to lean forward with him.




    i’d rather be horny and alone dreaming of a cookie cutter HHG and being bored

    but oh so appreciative of my lovely little apartment and that i have OPTIONS in my life

    and OMG thank you for today for really AMPING my appreciation of what i have to 10,000%



    my life is soooooooooooooooooooooo good.

  155.  #156Emoticon on September 6, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    Alias girl I’m curious. What is an HHG?

  156.  #157Xti on September 6, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    #85 FW, thanks so much for sharing that link! I found so much to relate to:

    “Once a couple starts making joint decisions that impact their lives, even as small a thing as going on a vacation together, they have a measure of Commitment. They are partners now, at least for a time.”

    “Here, the boundaries on intimacy do something very interesting. They cross.”
    “Notice that the amount of personal privacy is actually larger than the area of shared responsibility and ownership.
    “Take heart in this, because it’s a clue to you as a woman that if you are overtaken in your privacy, denied it, interfered with, you may be getting into a codependent relationship where the privacy is minimal and the shared involvement completely dominates.
    “This might play out in such ways as him not being amenable to you spending time with certain friends or people, engaging in career aspirations of your own – or all the typical scenarios well known to be seen in ‘abusive relationships’.” (Paul Dobransky MD, The three levels of intimacy)

    ***Reading this information had a profound impact on me. The first paragraph confirms my feeling of partnership with my Texan; we make joint decisions though we are long-distance. Which leads to a nice feeling of validation. We’re partners of a kind.

    The paragraphs on boundaries were a revelation to me! As a married woman, my experiences have all been the same: I was COMPLETELY overtaken in my privacy. The “Shared involvement” was all that was allowed, and any attempts to assert my need for privacy were met with threats of or actual violence.

    Coming out of my third unsuccessful marriage, I’m feeling relieved to find such a clear explanation of what I have not understood. Marriage has not been my problem. Fear has been my problem.

    My fear is spelled out perfectly in another post:

    “It’s one of the hardest things in the world to turn back years after you have given your all to a man – to working out differences, learning to communicate, collaborate and compromise with him – to then be forced to admit that it isn’t right at a very core level, never was right, and isn’t ever going to be right with him.

    “You’ve invested so much energy, time and money. It’s easy to fall prey to the concept that financial advisors call ‘sunk losses’ – the experience where the amount you’ve put into a bad investment twists your judgment and convinces you to go on living in the illusion where maybe just maybe just maybe it will turn around and be valuable some day. If only we could stay ‘in love’ instead of toiling under the cruel taskmaster that we’d now have to call a ‘labor of love’.” (Paul Dobranksy MD, The five golden measures of commitment)

    ***Every day of those relationships, I poured myself into the “labor of love” believing the slightest shift of circumstance promised a new ray of hope that the tide would finally turn and all my hopeful intention would be realized. That my idealized projection of who I thought I married would finally appear in the man before me.

    But as I see now, what I poured out was not poured back in. There was no waterwheel coming toward me. I trusted when the person did not show they were trustworthy. I stood still and swallowed my anger, terrified of making a move, and it piled up until I could not contain it.

    With the successive explosions of rage, I became a fountain run dry. In my last marriage, my separation was a final act of desperation. I had become so lost, so swallowed by over-functioning in the “shared involvement” that I felt I was about to wink out of existence altogether.

    Reading such a fitting description feels enlightening, and I’m happy to understand my process. Yet I still felt pangs of disappointment for “falling prey” to “sunk losses”. I know I lived my life in fear, and that feels sad.

    Every decision, every single choice I made — from eating, sleeping, sex, relationships, and communication – was based on my fear of others, rather than my love for myself. This past year, my 40th year, I decided to change that. I found Rori, bought the book, then used the siren tools and … after kissing a toad, an amazing, completely masculine man showed up!

    As I kept reading through the site you shared, I was so encouraged! Together my Texan and I (both 40+) bring “the necessary ingredients of a durable commitment, highlighted in the decade of the forties.” (Paul Dobransky MD, “The five golden measures of commitment”)
    *We each know how to feel feminine or masculine, as needed.
    *We have friendship skills and we know what makes us happy.
    *We’re good with our boundaries with each other, and we offer mutual respect and open communication at all times, no exceptions.
    *He is satisfied with his career now and we agree: we’re done having kids.
    *We are both endlessly curious about each other and the third entity between us, our relationship and how we each influence it.
    I read each item on this list and honestly feel so delighted. We have it going on in spades!

    All these years, I felt I had pieces of myself that were like keys for locks I didn’t have; they didn’t fit and I couldn’t make them work. I ultimately set those pieces aside as unusable and focused on controlling my co-dependent, abusive environment, determined to make the best of my decisions.

    Little did I know they were actually keys for a treasure box yet to arrive: My delightful Texan. I’m so glad I didn’t throw them out as they were pretty easy to pick up & thanks to Circular Dating, also dust off and practice fitting the keys into different locks. Once my man showed up, I was practiced at using my keys again, and it took almost no effort to be open, feminine, & vulnerable with him and yet completely in control of me.

    I was amazed at how fast his lock turned. Almost too fast really, as I previously posted about some anxiety I experienced. But now we’re 5 months in, and by the end of this month, he will have logged 24,000 miles flying to see me, his princess.

    Each day I grow to appreciate him more, and it’s true — he gets more and more attractive over time.

    I feel so grateful to Rori, to you FW and all the sirens, seen and unseen. I admire the time commitment you all make to follow each siren’s story. What you share has a tremendous impact that carries way beyond this URL. Thank you for sharing!

  157.  #158English Woman on September 6, 2011 at 11:04 pm

    #66 Patricia

    So good to hear, and I will still watch lovingly from the sidelines as this beautiful story unfolds………

  158.  #159alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:08 pm

    #156 HHG = HOT HISPANIC GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  159.  #160alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    #159 sorry emoticon, i forget to address you personally. how rude.

    i was just so excited about the HHG question.

  160.  #161Emoticon on September 6, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    Ahhh I get u!!! There’s a few of them in my complex lol

  161.  #162alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:12 pm

    #161 Emoticon. please send them to me. thank you.

  162.  #163Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    153 Alias girl says:

    …”“so why are you still single?”
    “how long have you been single”
    “who do you live with?”
    “any luck?”
    “how are you?” (you write back a goddessey feel message) twenty minutes late they write back. “oh that’s good.”
    “what do you like to do?”
    “ask me anything you want” (I always tell them thank you but i don’t have any questions at this point. lol.)”

    Oh. my. gosh.
    I don’t know if I should laugh or cry, because those are ALWAYS the EXACT questions/comments I get.

    And it’s SO LAME. GAH!!! Oh man, men are so funny…I have to laugh right now.

    This is not meant to man bash, I just find it quite amusing.

    I especially feel amused with “what do you like to do?” when IT IS WRITTEN IN MY PROFILE. 😯 yawwn!!!!

    more laughing now….

    Also, “you can ask me anything you want”… AG a guy just said this to me the other night and I felt a bit odd, but I couldn’t precisely identify the feeling…almost like pressure like now I have to think of a brilliant question…??

    But thanks becuz you clarified it a bit for me…now I see why, it was like handing me the oars and telling me to row. Yuck.

    I’m sure he didnt mean it but still, I like your answer, “thank you but I don’t have any questions at this point”

    It starts to feel to interviewey…”tell me about yourself” I think they asked me that when I interviewd for my last job. I have a degree in this or that, I know how to give BJ’s really well and I swallow. LOL…oopsies….is that too much information??? haha I am feeling super sassy.

  163.  #164Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    67 Lyka I enjoyed watching this, thank you.

  164.  #165alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    haha a 21 year old HHG just emailed me. lol.

    ask and you shall receive. lol.

    i told him i was a ball buster. he said he didn’t mind.


  165.  #166Emoticon on September 6, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    AG lol!! I will see what I can do!

    Emerson I LOVE your sassiness it feel so diva-like and so on top of the world and comfortable sexually!

  166.  #167Emoticon on September 6, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    Alias Girl… Law of attraction much? Ha!

  167.  #168alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    #163 emerson. LOL ha! ha!

    exact same man

    different wrapping.

    yeah one guy was so freaked about the silence he’s like “say something just tell me something about yourself. anything. ”

    i paused…. silence… i said “oh”……silence pause….

    “that feels so vague.”

    he said it again with panic in his voice, “just tell me anythng about yourself.”

    I said……. “oh…… i don’t know… i can’t think of anything. that question is so big.”

  168.  #169Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    Thanks Emoticon. It’s these sirens that inspire me! I was just watching the link that Lyka shared and it inspired me as well!

  169.  #170alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    #166 emoticon. nice!

    #167 emoticon. seriously. i am going to be a PRO.

    damn. talk about FUN. loa is fun fun fun!

    and IMMEDIATE!

  170.  #171Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    168 LOL I am so cracking up…AG thank you for your inspiration.

    It goes to show that it’s ok to be quiet and not follow the orders to answer a question.

    I love silence.

    I’m going to incorporate it even more now. Especially with recycled. Then when I do say something it’s going to be a feeling message and it will be more profound.
    That’s what I did in the past and I REALLY had his attention.

    My NVs are telling me that I messed up with him last time we talked because he told me something I wasn’t expecting to hear and I asked him a why question, and then told him I still feel open to talking with him and I still like him…

    …but I think I will tell my NVs to shut up and give them a cookie.

    recycled and I have been thru worse and he’s seen me lean forward EMBARRASINGLY horridly bad..and he still likes me. Just want him to like me in a siren sense not as a friend…but I think he does…don’t focus on him focus on me meme me me

    I love me…

  171.  #172Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Law of attraction I find very interesting…I want to know more..

  172.  #173alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    #171 Emerson. in my experience men recover from relationship “weirdness” exceptionally fast.

    esp when we get rebalanced and refocussed on ourselves and waterwheeling towards ourself

    i have displayed some wicked embarrassing behavior with certain men and they still seem alright with being attracted and deeply in love with me. ? and i feel amazed and sort of dumbfounded by it.

  173.  #174Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    I feel inspired to really grow in myself and go deep…I want to see a shrink and work out some issues. 🙁 feel sad and happy and scared when I think of that. 🙂

    I want to also have a group of women to hang out with that are powerful and strong and inspiring and sireny!

  174.  #175Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    173 awww thank you AG
    LOL how cute huh some guys just love us anyway 🙂 God bless them and I need that grace…


  175.  #176alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    #172 emerson Law of attraction changed my life. i studied it as avidly as i did rori’s work. (ok, maybe a little more even)

    and my life is so much more

    the best i found was abraham hicks. i read three books and then watched endless videos on youtube and then experimented and kept track of results in my own life.

    for me it literally all started with the movie and the book The Secret.

    rudimentary but it was all a brand new perspective for me so it was a good introduction to the Concept. but it is not deep enough to actually learn it from that, i don’t think. at least for me.

  176.  #177alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOhhhhh i might have a fling with a 20 yr old HHG. HOW APPROPRIATE FOR RORI’s POST!!!!!!

  177.  #178Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    OMG Alias Girl….keep us posted….. mwahaha 🙂

  178.  #179English Woman on September 6, 2011 at 11:48 pm

    #157 xti

    I am curious to know how long you were CD’ing for before you found Texan?

    At the moment I have my profile up on POF and am feeling pretty meh about the responses from wishy washy men on there, the only guys that seem to have some spirit are in their 20’s LOL!! (I am 58!!)

    Like the girls say above it’s all “How was your weekend?” followed the next week by another “How was your weekend?”……..or like alias girl says:

    so why are you still single?”
    “how long have you been single”
    “who do you live with?”
    “any luck?”
    “how are you?” (you write back a goddessey feel message) twenty minutes late they write back. “oh that’s good.”
    “what do you like to do?”
    “ask me anything you want” (I always tell them thank you but i don’t have any questions at this point. lol.)

    I just seem to attract old codgers and young ‘uns and the men of my age are just meh, maybe that’s because I am attracting like to like, I am feeling very bored and can’t be bothered probably I am a meh myself lol, I have no enthusiasm just lately for anything. I was doing so well a few weeks back remember when I was dancing down the country lane? LOL!! Since then I have been going downhill, not in a depressed way or anything just feeling drained, my job is pretty overwhelming and the sheer volume of work as I arrive each morning makes me feel ill and I know that is not good for me as I have been diagnosed with high blood pressure lately and this is surely not helping.

    I …..sigh……think I have to get my boy hat on again and start looking for a job more in alignment with myself, working long hours in a very stressful environment is not for me any longer, maybe if I was younger but this no longer motivates me as I have no career aspirations, I just want a job that pays OK money in a nice friendly environment, also in my new job I work in a very small office with 4 20’s somethings and am not meeting anybody, so how am I supposed to meet “him”…………OK off to get ready for another day of it…………

  179.  #180Emerson on September 6, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    Sirens I wanted to share with you that I kind of had a revelation/moment of clarity today…

    For years off and on I’ve question my career choice, I was at a crossroads a few years back and the choice I made I have questioned a time or two, even though I love what I do, I kinda always thought ‘WHAT IF???’ what if I had picked the other one?

    I’d have more security (maybe)
    I’d have more / different respect (maybe)
    I’d like my job more (maybe)

    Today I was listening to a conversation and I began to think about the other career option and it just popped into my head and heart so clear, that it was not meant to be and I would not want that job. Not at all.

    I’ve literally been struggling with this for about five years or so. And I kind of took a breath of relief today that I dont have to question that anymore.

    I feel thankful for this!
    I feel thankful for my job that I have now!
    I feel thankful for my future!
    I feel thankful for those who have helped me!

  180.  #181alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    just got an email from the selfpunisher cd

    “Hey what happen.. Did i scared u off.??

    Well good.luck”


    i like

    can;t even

    respond to that.

    um lemme try.

    ew i feel ew ew ew ew ew

    lemme try again.


    yeah. i can’t do it.

    oh well no worries.

    he’ll be back.

    i know he knows. (i don’t know this. but i feel like i do) and unless he is going to pay me i do not feel good about being manipulated into punishing men for their own enjoyment.

  181.  #182English Woman on September 6, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    @ Alias Girl

    Can you recommend any Abraham youtube in particular to lift your vibe?

  182.  #183alias girl on September 6, 2011 at 11:53 pm

    #180 emerson awwww that feels really freeing and satisfying.

  183.  #184Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 12:00 am

    176 thank you AG for sharing about Abraham Hicks and the Secret. I’ve actually never read that book so maybe I should!!!!!!

    179 EW aww yes I do recall you skipping down the lane to Michael Jackson a few weeks back!! 🙂 Love it.
    Sorry you’ve been feeling low…I do think our jobs affect us so much…in my previous career I literally got so burnt out I could NOT SLEEP at night…literally…it was like a zombie took over my body. I was so unhappy and stressed. 😯
    Good for you to think about making changes that are best for you…EW!!! you matter and your happiness matters!!

  184.  #185alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 12:01 am

    #183 Ew YES!

    what would you like?

    one on dreams?

    or on addiction?

    or on health?

    or just a random favorite???

  185.  #186alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 12:11 am

    c’mon c’mon i feel ready to serve up some loa EW

    what would you like????? 🙂 (no pressure i am just kidding around with you)

    ok maybe i will just play dj and pick one based on where you are at.

  186.  #187English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 12:13 am

    A random favourite would be good I can listen to it while I get ready for work and try and get on top of the water if you know what I mean? I feel like I have been slowly sinking…………

  187.  #188Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 12:15 am

    EW sending hugs to you from accross the pond…


    Gd nite ladies…

  188.  #190alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 12:34 am

  189.  #191alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 12:57 am

    what is it with some men and they want to go backwards or whatever it takes not to move forwards in communicating?

    once i move to the phone i am done with emailing on pof. i dont want your little texts asking me if you can call me.

    man up. or move on.

    although to be fair he was willing to meet and i back pedalled.

    hrmph. what is it with me and my own fears? wtf. goddess up or gtfo.

  190.  #192alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 12:58 am

    but i had a BLAST on pof tonight. experimented with being honest AND using feeling messages even more advanced.

    AND a couple of HHGs and/or AHG (average hispanic guys)

    AND YAE it felt fun!

  191.  #193alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 1:03 am

    ugh ouch. well mostly until those last few emails from one of the cds who i am feeling bad about. hrmph. screw him.

    ok, over it. moving on.

  192.  #194alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 1:08 am

    (this is totally non dating related)
    so i have these two options presented themselves to me.

    I was trying all these different avenues and new things to allow a flow of money and enjoyment.

    and now two options are on the verge of being YEs for me and yet neither is fully committed to ME so i feel like why should i only choose one and be FULLY committed to them?

    and yet i don’t want to do half baked for both.

    and also i am pursuing one more avenue but that is not a YES for me yet.

    so i don’t know. it would feel good to have it work out easy breezy with the most fun and $$$!!!!

  193.  #195Ella on September 7, 2011 at 2:43 am

    Esteemed just read some of your posts and have not got all the way down so unsure if this has been said…

    And if it were me it would probably help me to have more in my rotation. More CDs to pratice with. It sounds like lots of practice is what is needed to get into the fem energy without getting laser focused on any one guy.

    What do you think?


  194.  #196Lilybelly on September 7, 2011 at 3:49 am



    I have mad love for you..you are always safe with me, your thoughts and feelings are always safe. I

    Love you…


  195.  #197Patricia on September 7, 2011 at 3:52 am

    @158 EW

    oh my what a beautiful thing to say……..thank you……

    Tomorrow evening LD will arrive and this weekend is about meeting my children and getting to know “the rest of me” a little bit……he will work a 12 hour day shift, then drive 7 hours to arrive well before everyone heads to bed for Friday’s school day…..he has asked a co worker to trade 2 hours of work so he can leave early. In this day and age…the things LD offers to do are not unlike the days when men trudged across country side on horse back challenged by dark forests and slaying dragons!!!! lol today’s dragons are long work hours, the cost of living, tasks to do and making it work! lol…………

    yesterday the NVs started in my head…those are my dragons…..I suddenly realized that I let my ego get in the way…letting it think it knows everything…..when I realize that and soften and let go….there is room for love and all of its mysterious ways of allowing things to happen, creative solutions to situations and it all falls into place….when I get out of the way and let love do it’s thing I feel better, I’m a more patient mom….an empathetic ear…..and all it wants to do is expand!



  196.  #198Lyka on September 7, 2011 at 5:12 am

    #164 – Emerson:

    You’re welcome! I enjoy watching these videos very much. Have you figured out which type you are?

  197.  #199Susan on September 7, 2011 at 5:28 am

    RE: 157: Xti

    I loved reading your post!

  198.  #200Lyka on September 7, 2011 at 5:41 am

    Have you ever felt like you weren’t born in the right century? I wish I could have been born 100 years ago and not have to listen to all these mechanical sounds I keep hearing out here. Cars, chainsaws, motorcycles, etc., they are just messing up my life!

    I want to live in the country!!!!!

  199.  #201Lyka on September 7, 2011 at 5:43 am

    Although I wouldn’t like the church controlling my life like it did 100 years ago. Yuck!

  200.  #202Daria on September 7, 2011 at 5:46 am

    my dream last nite….

    well there was a part i was in an office with a young man and og friend

    and the young man was telling me some stuff about how things don’t work out etc

    and then og was excited for me to tell him.. so i told him about magic

    and how it is happening anytime anyway, just eating and breathing is magic, using energy to experience what we desire

    and i also told him about women’s hearts and how they’re BIG

    it felt exciting

    then later i went somewhere which was ike a party

    and my old best friend was there and we were all drinnking beer

    and her and some other guy oh yeha! my neighbor with the studio – it was his house – were telling me to go to graduate school

    and then i told Them to go to graduate shcool and they didnt think it could help them

    and then therte was some stuff about hanging out with tis one guy that used to be my friend

  201.  #203Daria on September 7, 2011 at 5:49 am

    today i got a silver mettallic fabric pen to work on one of my shirts

    and my moms friend showed us an awesome eco store and we got so much yummy stuff

    and i just ate some whole grain foods and it feels so good and not addictive like processed grain

    and i found some cold pressed sunflower oil too

    and i got natural meat and yoghurt and cheese

    and i have some Bear Salami!!

  202.  #204Lyka on September 7, 2011 at 5:50 am

    Oh, I wouldn’t have liked not being able to enjoy my natural fluoride-free Tom’s of Maine toothpaste. It sure is whitening my teeth! 🙂

  203.  #205Daria on September 7, 2011 at 5:51 am

    Lilybelle – thank you!!! big hugs!

    today i shared with my mom that i felt angry… i got a bit blamy at the end but i said i felt angry first and i felt ok saying it!


    thank you for being here and practicing with me

  204.  #206Daria on September 7, 2011 at 5:59 am

    ohh man questions
    ““How was your weekend?”……..or like alias girl says:

    so why are you still single?”
    “how long have you been single”
    “who do you live with?”
    “any luck?”
    “how are you?” (you write back a goddessey feel message) twenty minutes late they write back. “oh that’s good.”
    “what do you like to do?”
    “ask me anything you want” (I always tell them thank you but i don’t have any questions at this point. lol.)”

    oh yes this is pretty much what i get too!

    i notice a lot has to do with my particular energy level too

    like when i feel super powerful and excited i bring out other stuff
    cuz my answers are like

    ohhh it feels so good to be asked… thank you ! im feelng Amazing… i feel like im floating 🙂


    im feeling good, thank you

    i feel curious of this dynamic.

    i don’t always feel super energetic…

    it does seem to help to let a man know i don’t want to stay online and he can reach me on the phone…

    but sometimes i don’t feel comfortable doing that when i don’t feel excited by his questions


    i like using short happy/sad faces to communicate my emotion without me feeling drained

    i wonder what this showed up for me to heal?

  205.  #207Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:00 am

    today is Yemaya’s day!


    i got my period!!! yayyyyyyyy

  206.  #208Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:10 am

    i drank raspberry leaf tea for 4 days and now my period came and it is a very nice non clumpy dark red color

    and i feel so pleased

    it is getting closer and closer to regular

    my period last month was 2 weeks past the last one,

    and this one is 10 days past

    this is amazing for me as before i was skipping periods!

    thank you Goddess and body!!

    yayyyy ii feel so happyyyyy

  207.  #209Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:11 am

    AmazingMe – i do T-tapp exercise it is very rehabilitating for the back! maybe check it out, the Try Before you Buy section has exercises you can do for free without purchasing

    T-tapp makes my back feel much better and stronger – Quickly

    it’s amazing how easy it looks and that it works

  208.  #210Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:19 am

    wooo! happy birthday Mel!!

  209.  #211Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:26 am

    the way i reframe the questions from guys are they are
    Trying to get to know me

    so really that is an honor

    it’s not like tolerating some behavior that feels bad… like something negligent or attacky

    its more like judgements i have of them (and of myself then) are what’s blocking me from allowing a connection

    they are trying to get to my feelings!

    so that helps me get in a better space to answer from my heart, vagina

    opening up my shoulders heart vagina really shifts the energy too for me i noticed

    [not related: omg my thighs feels so soft i feel teary (i just folded my leg under me and i feel like a kitten is sitting on my foot… but thats ME!) omg ]

    so yeah what does my vagina say

    wow thank you for asking about me, it feels good to be paid attention to… and i feel kinda bored and uninspired at moment

    possible man answer: oh realy oh what can i do?

    well it would feel cool to talk to you if u want to meet me.. im at 800=phonenumber



    thanks for decoding for me Daria that WAs easy and felt energizing to share my true feelings!! yayyy

  210.  #212Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:27 am

    the way i reframe the questions from guys are they are
    Trying to get to know me

    so really that is an honor

    it’s not like tolerating some behavior that feels bad… like something negligent or att*acky

    its more like judgements i have of them (and of myself then) are what’s blocking me from allowing a connection

    they are trying to get to my feelings!

    so that helps me get in a better space to answer from my heart, vagina

    opening up my shoulders heart vagina really shifts the energy too for me i noticed

    [not related: omg my thighs feels so soft i feel teary (i just folded my leg under me and i feel like a kitten is sitting on my foot… but thats ME!) omg ]

    so yeah what does my vagina say

    wow thank you for asking about me, it feels good to be paid attention to… and i feel kinda bored and uninspired at moment

    possible man answer: oh realy oh what can i do?

    well it would feel cool to talk to you if u want to meet me.. im at 800=phonenumber


    thanks for decoding for me Daria that WAs easy and felt energizing to share my true feelings!! yayyy

  211.  #213Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Before I start reading, Mel I believe it is yours and Lillybelle’s birthday.

    Happy Birthday Mel
    Happy Birthday Lillybelle

    Best to both of you.

  212.  #214Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:32 am

    so on the 5 second look

    well it feels really uncomfortable

    i noticed i feel scared of people – and its not just when ive smoked

    its all the time, especially when i want something from them . like to buy something

    liek we were buying vegetables and i felt scared to ask how much it cost

    i felt so scared i almost gave up buying the melon i wanted so i wouldnt’ have to ask that

    this feels kinda surprising and interesting!

    and then i rush through the process in a manly style acting like i dont feel like trembling

    i feel afraid theyer going to think im stupid and take advantage of

    and i do feel horrible when i think ive been taken advantage of… although believing money is not real and not taking price of things into account has really helped with that last time it happened (like someone gave me less than i expected)

    i would like to heal this!

    thank you!

  213.  #215Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:33 am

    its Lilybelle’s birthday too?

    Happy Birthday Lilybelle!!

  214.  #216Daria on September 7, 2011 at 6:38 am

    oh and I was thinking of all the times me and GuyWho had sex in the past

    and how it felt

    it felt good

    like it felt like it went in smooth and pain free

    and i want that

    i want wonderful feeling sex for my sex life

    i really like his sex!

    and i feel glad he was there so i could learn that and learn to like sex

    because before that i actually didn’t really like sex

    i jsut liked getting head


    and i know i will have that because my life works like that

    better and better things show up

    and i mean that it really does

    especially with men it is very clear it works that way

    and im pretty sure with other things too





    go meeee

    i have been doing pretty well with noticing when i get defensive with my mom and not going into that mode

    and i have been expressing my feelings too!

    omg healing is happening



  215.  #217Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 6:53 am

    RE 157 Xti your experience feels really heart warming.

  216.  #218Daria on September 7, 2011 at 7:04 am

    my heart felt kinda achy

    i saw a message from NYguy and it might just be a song lyric but i felt sad that it wasn’t addressed to me…

    and then i had a craving to say something that would make him feel really good…

    and then i leaned back

    and then i wanted to say something else like i felt impressed

    but i was not sharing that i felt sad


    and i just didn’t say anything


    i wonder what this showed up to heal?

  217.  #219Daria on September 7, 2011 at 7:07 am

    and i was thinking of Getright man and how this reminds me of him somewhat

    and how i feel like ‘protective’ of getright when someone says somethign bad about him

    and That reminds me of Guywho and how i felt Very attached and loyal to him


    i wonder if this is something to heal?

    i feel a lil sad

    i love me

    how is lil Daria feeling

    like crying

    shaky cheeks under the numbness



    i love my sobbies

  218.  #220Daria on September 7, 2011 at 7:09 am

    i feel kinda alone, lonely

  219.  #221Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 7:11 am

    RE 94 DE says “But he makes no decisions about where to go or what to do…”well, whatever u want…”

    DE this triggered a memory from CCarter’s From Casual to Committed. Where Paul Dobransky and Carter talks about the mature and immature man and this comment sounds like something Carter suggests the immature (man/boy) says. I have noticed some of these things with my own son also. I don’t know what Rori would recommend but it just seems like a good thing to me that you can use for your commitment to yourself or the relationship you want. It is something I have experienced also. It seems to me that allowing him to make the decision could help him to mature beyond this stage. Or maybe saying something that suggests you trust him to be able to figure it out might make a difference. However, I imagine the key would be in the level of your enthusiasm about the choice he makes.

  220.  #222Daria on September 7, 2011 at 7:14 am

    i feel heartachy

    i feel kinda comfortable and familiar feeling here alone heartachy

    it feels safe for me

    i dont want to hug myself too hard

    i feel like that will trigger anger

    it feels more comfortable to feel limp and bummed

  221.  #223Valerie on September 7, 2011 at 7:23 am

    I just want to say thank you… Thanks to Rori and all Sirens here.
    I just feel grateful that I found this place.
    I feel calm reading all your posts.
    I feel relief.
    I feel deep down that this is the right way to go and I don’t feel the urge to rush myself anymore.
    Thanks for your sharing, riffing and everything.
    I feel touched 🙂

  222.  #224Emoticon on September 7, 2011 at 7:23 am

    Ah he sent me a good morning text and everything. I am just so not physically attracted 2 him. Last night he jumped into something sexual and I just went str8 2 my old ways and say “Pardon? I’m not sure I understand what u mean!” Just so I won’t have to address it or address any type of sex with him. It was funny cuz he jus didn’t respond. Well until the good morning txt 2day!!


  223.  #225Daria on September 7, 2011 at 7:30 am

    Emoticon – wow wonderful triggering practice!

    keep going to your feelings… ‘wow im feeling kinda uncomfortable!’ etc…

  224.  #226Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Emoticon it sounds to me like you honor your feelings in front of him and he respect you for that.

    Would you feel comfortable telling him you don’t feel physically attracted to him? It could help you to practice appreciation if you find something you are attracted to, maybe his intellect or his personality. Share that and then tell him you are not attracted to him physically. I see no harm in doing that if you feel comforable, especially if you are not focussed on any particular outcome with him. It would be just practicing speaking up for yourself. I belive I read Rori suggesting that we can use the “toads” in this way.

  225.  #227Daria on September 7, 2011 at 7:58 am

    ………………………… /0\
    Welcome Valerie :–o|o–:
    ( )
    / \
    / \

    Hugs 🙂

  226.  #228Daria on September 7, 2011 at 8:00 am

    ………………………… /0\
    Welcome Valerie….:–o|o–:

    Hugs 🙂

  227.  #229Daria on September 7, 2011 at 8:02 am

    grrr lol 🙂 it isn’t lighing uip!

  228.  #230Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 8:05 am

    LOL Daria you’re funny and cute. I like the little picture of the woman with her boobs!! cute 🙂

  229.  #231DE on September 7, 2011 at 8:20 am

    FW #220:

    wow…thank u …i feel touched ….

    i agree about the immaturity vibe from such statement …

    “However, I imagine the key would be in the level of your enthusiasm about the choice he makes.”

    Lol…yes, that is important too…but, i feel open to show appreciation to anything he, himself, comes up with…so far, there are just words…when it comes to him coming up with something…he later diverts it to me…this time around…i need to turn in on to him…and outgirl him darn it…:(

    Besides my enthusiasm, I also noticed feeling higher attraction twds men who also exhibit enthusiasm twds seeing me…I haven’t felt that much from him…:( He appears kind of passive…but i know part of it is his shyness…

    Even when I cook something…and of course, he asks for 2nd and recipe…his comment is “that was good”…not “wow, wonderful…i love it, u are amazing, great…” wtf? really?

    On the other hand, M was pretty much the same…yet, he was into pleasing me…not a very enthusiastic person though…what’s up with guys from the military?

    Anyhow, feeling a bit down 🙁 kind of disappointed…cant’ put my finger on it just yet…

    Thank you again for your feedback…

    Out to work 🙁

    warm hugs,

  230.  #232Lilybelly on September 7, 2011 at 8:31 am


    It’s progress for me too. 🙂 I find it difficult to speak my feelings to family after so many years of not doing so. I am learning too!

    Big hugs to you!

  231.  #233Tmizz on September 7, 2011 at 8:33 am

    @ Daria – she lined up perfectly in my email! 🙂

  232.  #234Lilybelly on September 7, 2011 at 8:33 am


    Yes! It is my birthday today!!

    Thank you, FW!

  233.  #235Lilybelly on September 7, 2011 at 8:34 am


    It is, Daria. 🙂

    Thank you!

  234.  #236Tmizz on September 7, 2011 at 8:35 am

    re: 87 – Thanks, Rori!

    It feels good to have you say such nice things about my writing 🙂

    and don’t worry about it going into moderation. I figured it was because I said I felt “att*acked” – but it wasn’t by anybody here, so I knew it was fine.

    Thanks so much!!

  235.  #237Tmizz on September 7, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Good morning, Ladies!!

    I woke up today, and thinking about writing on the blog (and making coffee) is what got me out of bed 🙂

    First, I just wanted to chime in about the “sex with the ex” bit. Or not even with an ex. Arielle was writing about random, casual sex, too. And that made me think.

    I think she really has a point. in some ways, it’s really good to save our sexual energy and our passion for someone who really cares about us.

    But, on the other hand, we *don’t* get a flashing neon sign that says “your soulmate will approach you in 72 hours and you’ll never have to talk to another guy again.” That just doesn’t happen. So even if he *is* just around the corner, and we’re about to meet him, really we have no way to know that. He could be Ten Years down the road. It’s all the same, as far as the Universe is concerned.

    And I, personally, like to think that my perfect, ideal partner would be *happy* that his woman was strong and self-assured, and was able to get her (physical) needs met in the moment, even if that was with another man. Sure, self-pleasuring accomplishes this a bit. But, as we’ve observed here, that can sometimes tend to make us feel lonely.

    The trick with random, casual sex, is not to get attached. That’s where it’s hard. Because it can be nearly impossible not to. Especially for someone like me, who is sensitive and caring and bonds easily. (did I really just say that? wow!)

    There is, quite literally, no such thing as “Safe sex.” You can have “safer” sex. But not totally safe. Because there are sti’s that can be transmitted, even with a condom, even when both partners are careful. There are emotions that get involved. But sometimes those things don’t have to stop us from enjoying life in the moment, either.

    Like I said. If I had random sex with some hot guy who didn’t mean anything to me one day, and my perfect partner showed up the next day, he’d be *happy* for me. That’s if he knew. And if he didn’t know, he would just see me being a radiant, gorgeous, goddessy, sexually fulfilled woman that he would really just want all the more for himself.

    So I say…having non-soulmate sex is okay! Just as long as you don’t confuse the random, casual (maybe “practice”) guys with your “soul mate.”

  236.  #238Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Bah I’m feeling pouty about recycled not contacting me for so many days.

    I know I will hear from him but I keep thinking OMG what if he never calls me again???

    I know he will…but I want to be authentic when I do hear from him, if I’m feeling sad and lonely from not hearing from him I should say that right?

    But I don’t want to appear needy and my NVs are telling me he won’t like it…and won’t like me anymore.

    Shouldn’t I act like I’m a busy and confident siren and I am not lonely because I have so much other stuff going on? haha…even though right now I only have one other CD (Dallas) and he is out of town atm….

    blech I don’t know what to do with recycled. I like him so much it’s throwing off my sirenishness

    Any advice from sirens for how to maintain my “cool” when I really like someone? waaahhh….I miss him. I know the answer is to CD but I’m kinda busy the next few days and don’t have time to go out and recruit newbies. kinda just want someone familiar to spend time with and care and check on me. stomp.

  237.  #239Tmizz on September 7, 2011 at 8:58 am

    Speaking of soul mates….I read a REALLY great quote the other day, that I just love. It was in a Christian magazine, of all places (I’m Jewish). But it was an article on the benefits of marriage vs. “shacking up.” (#1 benefit that i like is that marriage is actually BETTER for the woman, because it offers more security. But I digress…)

    The guy said that “We don’t marry our soulmate. The person BECOMES our soul mate over time.”

    (I might have paraphrased a bit)

    But I just LOVE that. Reading that took so much pressure off me – and I think off any guy I meet, too. I mean, seriously. Think about it. You meet a guy, and you expect him to be your soulmate/life partner INstantly. and he might expect the same from you, but you know that never works – that just feels creepy. So I think this guy is onto something….focusing on the long-term is a good way to go, because that’s where the connection and the partnership really play out.

    Now, of course, if I can just get this from theory in to practice, I’ll be doing pretty good! lol

  238.  #240Valerie on September 7, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Daria, You are the first one who made me laugh today! 🙂
    I feel cheerful.
    Hugs 🙂

  239.  #241Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 9:01 am

    238 Tmizz thanks for sharing that and it makes sense to me….

  240.  #242Tmizz on September 7, 2011 at 9:04 am

    Emerson – ((hugs!))

    I wish I knew the answer!

    It’s always the guys we care about that this happens with.

    As some wise women on the blog recommended, you could just sink into the feelings and feel them. Then maybe something will shift, and you can move on and go about your day.

    Or you could also try “pretending” that he’s just a friend. You don’t have to believe it. But you could just “act as if.” And see what happens.

    One day, I sat down, when I was really thinking of someone I knew I “shouldn’t” be thinking of, and I concentrated and consciously “forgot” about him. I told myself he literally didn’t exist. And I believed it. And the next minute, he texted me. I’m not even kidding! This was after, like, several weeks.

    Okay, that guy was definitely not my “soul mate” but still. That was kind of a rush!

    So I guess, do what feels good to YOU – without doing or saying anything to HIM.

    How does that sound?

  241.  #243Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Thanks Tmizz! That’s very interesting about the guy texting you at that moment! Wow!

  242.  #244Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 9:33 am

    I feel blessed to have received this email today so I am sharing parts of it

    But you can get the experience of LOVING your body and FEELING good in your body in an instant.

    It happens the moment you allow it to happen.

    When you’re finally ready to ALLOW the health to flow through your body in a healthy, positive, uplifting way…The you stop focusing on all the parts of your body that “depress you” or “disappoint you” …

    And you OPEN UP to all that your body is giving you and doing for you in this very moment.

    That positive flow will allow your body to open up even greater to allow mor of this healthy, healing, and natural vibration to flow into every part of you.

    (that’s a very different approach than the typical “no pain no gain” mentality the diet industry has been cramming down our throats for DECADES).

    When you embrace your body and treat it with kindness and appreciation, your body gets a loving homecoming when you re-connect with it.

    It’s a “Welcome Back! We missed you” approach to connecting to your body.

    No matter where you are on the planet, or what you’re going through in your life…

    When you return to natural exercise, positive thinking, and GIFTING your body with love, appreciation, and kindness, you ENJOY being in your body again.

    It feels like home.

    Your body is a gift.

    Remember that.

    And welcome it with open arms whenever you catch a glimpse of it in the mirror, or whenever you are creating the time to exercise…

    Treat it as a reward. No matter where you are on the
    planet, or what you’re going through in your life…

    When you return to natural exercise, positive thinking, and GIFTING your body with love, appreciation, and kindness, you ENJOY being in your body again.

    It feels like home.

    Your body is a gift.

    Remember that.

    And welcome it with open arms whenever you catch a glimpse of it in the mirror, or whenever you are creating the time to exercise…

    Treat it as a reward.

  243.  #245Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 9:51 am

    Tmizz I just read your entry #53 🙁
    Don’t know how I missed it previously.
    I sounds to me like you are on your path to healing…and I want to thank you for sharing this on the blog because some if it rang true for me as well.
    It *IS* hard to change patterns but I feel it is definitely possible…
    hugs to you..

  244.  #246Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 10:10 am

    @ Lyka 198
    I’m not sure which one I am but I think I am type 1 “cute”…perhaps..
    How about you?

  245.  #247Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 10:17 am

    Some interesting info

    “Dating exclusively merely means that two people in a relationship do not spend time with other members of the opposite gender as anything more than friends.

    You are able to explain what you were doing when you are away from your mate without having done
    anything wrong or deceiving them.

    Your partner can unexpectedly stop by your home and you will welcome him with open arms.

    It is important to realize that exclusive dating does not equal commitment.

    Exclusive dating does not mean that there will be marriage or that they have even discussed the possibility of marriage.

    Simply put, it means that they have decided not to date other people and to only date one person.

    This is a joint decision that is made and is an agreement that they will get to know each other better through only dating each other and not others.

    A couple can date exclusively because they like spending time together and love each other’s company. However this does not mean that they are in love or are considering a possibility of marriage.

    Often one of the partners to an exclusive relationship will eventually become attracted to someone else he meets through work or social activities, and when this
    happens this partner will let the other know that they have fallen in love with someone else and thus they wish to end the exclusive relationship with you and
    start a relationship with the new person.

    Commitment, on the other hand is a promise.

    This is a promise made to another with whom we are in love. Commitment means wanting to spend your life with the other person.

    The difference between an exclusive relationship and a committed relationship is that in an exclusive relationship people are together because there is mutual attraction and things in common;

    …in a committed relationship people are together because they are in love and are partners for life.”

  246.  #248Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 10:22 am


    Here’s a mistake that most women make –when their boyfriends do something they don’t like, they get mad.

    Now, getting mad is the PREDICTABLE response. Guys see it coming, and they mentally prepare for your wrath by rationalizing their actions and not taking you too seriously.

    Now do you know why nagging, bickering, and arguing rarely works with him? Since he sees it coming, he’s prepared to deal with it!

    And since he can easily deal with your anger, the more you point out his flaws, the worse they become!

    So I suggest a different approach…Instead of getting mad at him, get DISAPPOINTED.

    Instead of lashing out at him, keep quiet, don’t respond to him as readily, and gently show your disapproval.

    (You can give him the silent treatment too, but only if he did something REALLY bad!)

    When you get disappointed instead of angry, he’s not going to expect it. After all, it’s not the predictable

    It also hurts a little deeper, because his sense of masculinity largely depends on how much he feels respected by you. And now that his “honor” is at stake, he’s going to feel the need to redeem
    himself — and he’ll start apologizing and making sure he won’t do it again!

    See? Getting disappointed instead of angry is much less stressful, but it’s much more effective in making him change his bad habits and becoming a better

    Now THAT’S power!

  247.  #249Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Did You Know:

    Mystery or “the chase” is often a critical element in romantic love. Sometimes called the “Romeo and Juliet effect,” a situation with challenges or obstructions is likely to intensify one’s passion for a loved one.
    Resource: Helen Fisher

  248.  #250Tmizz on September 7, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Emerson – thanks for reading my #53.

    It feels good and warm and comforting to have your support 🙂

  249.  #251Tmizz on September 7, 2011 at 11:23 am

    OMG, ladies. I feel soooooo cute!!

    I dyed my hair dark reddish-brown last night, and this morning I gave myself bangs!!

    I was so nervous. Standing there with the scissors and a bunch of my hair in my hand. I had no idea if it would look great or like crap. But it looks sooo awesome!! 🙂 I am super happy with the results. And I think the “fringe” totally frames my face really well.

    So, “bah” to my hairdressers who said, “no, you can’t do bangs, it won’t work.” boo on that 😛

    My bangs rock.

    And I am a scissors goddess.

    Goddess, I tell you!

  250.  #252Queenbee on September 7, 2011 at 11:45 am

    Loving my new step in my career! All the people are really great to work with and I’m the only woman of my colleagues… and very young too 🙂 lol

    I’m noticing how much my boy energy is needed. I feel good though… I can do it without feeling over exacted and I can still remember to lean back and do the RR dance position. That feels good and keeps me in my feminine.

    Mr. Unavailable does not step up to me. I feel good about that. It’s easier to keep my hormones in check that way. I still feel attracted to him at times… but I feel very controlled. After all, unless a man was to step up, date me etc… nothing will happen because I won’t let it. It’s not about me leaning forward, it’s about a man stepping up so that I can HTRIW.

    I’m feeling more and more like leaning into my boy energy and perhaps even going all out boy. I’ve been resisting being all boy… like I would unlearn all my girl. But now I’m noticing that I could just go all out and see how I feel. I don’t want to resist it… and what for… just makes it a struggle.

    So anyway, that feels good. I feel so happy.

    Today I paid for my colleagues lunch as well. He paid for mine yesterday and today’s was rather cheap so I just picked both his and mine. I felt okay. I paid attention to what was going on in my body before I did it, and I felt okay… almost appropriate, and now I still feel good.

    I don’t feel that lonely, icky, sad feeling like oh, I haven’t gone on a date in a while… like the HOT DATE kind, where the man is all stepping up and then yum the make out at the end. Well, I guess like HotAmazing man.

    LOL! Unbelieveable, I can’t believe I said it. Still think of him sometimes, after 5 months. Hahaha! Anyway, it’s not him per se, it’s just the hot sexiness that I like.

    Anyway, I feel good being busy and focusing on myself. I’m working hard at getting everything in order so that I will have time to date and meet men and just feel relaxed in my body and settled.

    So that’s kinda where I am. Oh, and I cleaned and tidied my suite. It looks amazing now and it feels good being here.

    When I get home, I wear something slinky and just dance alone in my space and feel all sexy and romantic.

    Loving every moment of this Sireny life 🙂


  251.  #253Luzydel on September 7, 2011 at 11:47 am

    So I am creating my schedule and I have no time to date three guys. I like to do activities, conferences, ballroom dancing, volunteering. I have time for one guy and flirt and talk To guys I meet while doing what I like. This may sound “unsireny” but I rather be dancing than sitting in front of a strange guy drinking coffee. Mr. “NiceCD” is around and I have fun with him and he leaves? well I meet someone else. I do not want to make my life around dating, I enjoy doing so many stuff that make me feel better.

  252.  #254Emoticon on September 7, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Thank you Sirens. I will absolutely let him kno what I like about him and then the fact that I’m just not physically attracted 2 him. It will be difficult 4 me 2 get physical with someone I’m not at all physically attracted 2. I will date him though, I still enjoy our conversations!

  253.  #255Jackie on September 7, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    FW #248 Response:
    You are absolutely right! Just this weekend a man I am dating made plans with me to go for breakfast in the morning and said he would call in the morning. Then he did not call me all morning and when he did call he started back pedaling and making all these excuses about why we could not meet that day. I felt myself beginning to get angry and want to cry…then my behavior changed I got very silent…he asked me if I was okay?. I said ” No I do not feel okay. I feel very disappointed.” Then silence. He started apologizing and then said that we could get together. So powerful!…and we had a great time because I was open and not angry when we did meet.

    Good advice! It works.

  254.  #256English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    #190 Alias Girl

    Well thank you for that, it is now evening time in the UK as I wait for my favourite soapie to start, but I will defo listen to it in the morning.

    Been feeling a little better today as I CAUGHT myself sinking down………..sometimes we get so wrapped up in stuff we don’t realise what we are doing to ourselves.

  255.  #257alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    #200 lyka i don’t feel i was born in the wrong century.

    but i also was just thinking about this the other day how much i love the culture of rightnow.

    the forties, fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties was really not for me. i did not feel all that excited about it.

    but now i have found music I LOVE! and that is huge for me.

    well even sinatra in the NOW feels better than sinatra in his time.

    loving it.

    but anyway, lyka, maybe you could create your life more to what feels good. like if it’s the horses you miss, go ride horses. or castles (I MISS THE CASTLES!)
    then visit castles or decorate your house like you would like as if you were living in that time.

    or wear a corset. or a beehive (amy winehouse).

    or listen to music of that time. or movies.

    or whatever it is.

    what do you think?

  256.  #258Patricia on September 7, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    any chance your fav soapie is Cori? we love it in Canada!!!

  257.  #259Emoticon on September 7, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    Interesting conversation AG and Lyka. I think I would have lived in any of these centuries and enjoyed them just the same.


  258.  #260English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Well OK Sirens in SOME ways I have been leaning a wee bit forward to LDL from long ago, you remember that man who lives in the US and I told him I was scared about him coming here about a month ago? Well last night I replied to a “all good wishes to you” email from him and told him all about CD’ing and what it means……..of course I am not actually DOING it, only from the safety of my laptop, but he doesn’t need to know that does he? LOL!!

    Well I can’t believe it because I thought he would be running up to the back of his cave but I did send him a very FM message last night and OMG he says he REALLY wants to come here and see me WOMAN!! Ha ha thats because I told him I am looking for a step up kind of man………..an alpha male (like he has always been) and all that, it is sooo funny because when I got home I almost didn’t even bother opening up my email account as I could have sworn he would have vamoosed (again).

    Now this is a bit like Esteemed and R and Emerson and Recycled CD and all of those others who are hooked into one man (crack) but for some reason I feel confident I can handle this and OMG I am soooo happy as yes I am still in love with this man no matter how many years I have tried to suppress it and I know he loves me too IN HIS OWN WAY…….and maybe that is not enough but ya know after reading Ella’s blog here, maybe I too will have a bloody fling AND he is 7 years younger than me LOL!!!

    Why the hell not? I have never had a fling in my life!!

    Sooo RR is SO RIGHT, if you have some kind of connection with a man……..he will be back. 🙂

  259.  #261English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    #258 Patricia

    You KNOW me too well LOL!! YES YES YES!! 😀

  260.  #262Patricia on September 7, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    ok EW. now there’s a great show…..sirens and all…….

    Chickie enjoy the fling or whatever you want to call it…it’s all practice right? It’s all good and you can have fun with this……..Hey my LD is 6 years older…..there’s room on both sides lol

  261.  #263Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    English Woman I am glad you’re feeling better 🙂

  262.  #264Ella on September 7, 2011 at 1:24 pm

    This is an interesting article on the power of the mind and global consciousness that supports the LOA ideas… and that we make up our own reality…


  263.  #265Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Jackie thanks for the confirmation.

  264.  #266Daria on September 7, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Tmizz – wow i feel excited to hear about your haircut being awesome and you doing it yourself! congrats!!

  265.  #267English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Oh ladies I am feeling just sooooo good now and even if nothing eventuates with my American man, I KNOW that somebody out there just loves and accepts me just the way I am…………..might be just a fling or a 2 week holiday for him…..but does it really matter in the whole scheme of things??

    Can I just do this and accept what is??

  266.  #268English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    #262 Patricia

    You are sooo right 😀

  267.  #269Patricia on September 7, 2011 at 2:03 pm

    EW I”m so excited for you……I hear lightheartedness in your post…and openness….and adventurousness and a willingness to explore and attract to you what you will…and a willingness to experiment….what a gift to give to yourself! Totally and whole heartedly support you and feel good reading about your experience here and now!


  268.  #270Patricia on September 7, 2011 at 2:04 pm


    Happy Dance for you!

  269.  #271Emoticon on September 7, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    He is such a sweetie yall, sometimes I wish I could find him cute!!

  270.  #272Starla on September 7, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    I miss CD 1 terribly when he’s not around.

    Is this okay?

    I think I’m falling in loooove

    Is this okay?

  271.  #273Starla on September 7, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    I want to see him sooo bad, I meeeeeees him!

    and leaning back feels good, to keep learning more about him and how he is with certain things.

    i can be falling in love and still look out for if we’re a match while being open.

  272.  #274Starla on September 7, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    oh, and i’m CDing as many guys as possible!!

  273.  #275Daria on September 7, 2011 at 2:52 pm


    i just talked to one of my webcam cd’s 🙂

    i hadn’t talked to him in awhile and it felt good to talk to him!

    i felt good and it felt exciting to practice opening up and sharing my sexual feelings


    and appreciating

    AND leaning back


    im feeling real good

  274.  #276Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I feel like saying something hurtful/vengeful to recycled when he calls me..
    like if he asks me how I am or what I’ve been up to I want to say “I’ve been focusing on other men who pay attention to me and want to spend time with me”

    I know it’s with the wrong motive because I’m hurt that he’s let soo many days go buy without even calling…I feel angry… I kind of want to rub it in his face and hurt him or make him jealous…I know it’s probably childish but that is what I want to say.

  275.  #277Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    I feel angry!
    I feel ignored and sad.

    I got some disturbing news from a family member today about family drama..and I discovered it’s much harder to use feeling messages with my family members…I clammed up and didn’t authenticate my feelings at all….

    Hmm maybe it’s time to move FAR away and get some distance from EVERYONE including RECYCLED and my family even though I love all of the above. Or is that me running away again..or do I really need distance and a fresh start? ? ? I feel curious about this.

  276.  #278Sammie on September 7, 2011 at 3:31 pm


    My personal experience has been that even when I moved very far away from my family and loved ones and was attempting to start fresh, that my old stuff and thoughts kept with the family and loved ones I left behind…not saying it can’t be done…



  277.  #279Daria on September 7, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Emerson – wow i feel smily and want to comfort you!

    when i’ve felt upset with a man for not calling…

    what’s helped me is not to think/plan ahead of time…

    but just ‘forget he exists’ as best i can… (gently redirecting my thoughts)

    then when he Does call… i check what i feel IN THE MOMENT

    it feels surprising, sometimes i don’t feel mad at all! instead i just feel happy to hear from him, or happy about something else and it spills over

    and i can also say i felt kinda bad to not hear from him if that comes up for me

    i can say, i feel so happy to hear from u, and i feel kinda bad not hearing from u

    something like that…

    i just check what i feel right then and there – i lean back and open my body first (practicing this lately) – and share that… it’s often so different than what i THINK I SHOULD feel


  278.  #280Daria on September 7, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    im feeling so lovely celebrating Yemaya today 🙂

    and now my new online CD says he has something for me when i get back 🙂

  279.  #281Daria on September 7, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    omg i just did T-tapp PBS and i feel so amazing!

    my legs feel so strong now too

    and i feel like im doing jungle pyramid magic in my body

    wow i feel so spent in a wonderful way

  280.  #282Ella on September 7, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Hmmm, feeling a lil bit triggered.

    2 people on FB have randonly unfriended me… and I have no idea why. Well one seems to have disappeared of FB altogether so I am assuming that is not personal, but the other was kinda a CD and I bumped into him he other and he was perfectly nice.

    I see no reason for him to unfriend me… and I feel paranoid, and icky about it.

    Luckily I have no feelings for him.

    I have been noticing some NVs in my head recently and triggering words like ‘sl8t’ that I think others might say about me… Because of my CD-ing, and because I have let guys stay over with me in the past, although it was only J and one other (who I don’t think anyone knows about) who I actually had sex with.

    Not that its anyone’s business but I hear judgements like these around me all the time said about other girls, and I know I used to label other girls with this too, and make sure I was not like those ‘bad, sl8tty’ girls.

    No I was a good girl, who didn’t have sex outside of a relationship and was loyal to my boyfriend’s no matter how they treated me…


    Ok so I am happy with how I am now… and I do feel really worried about these labels.

    And that it will put off any good men who are around me


  281.  #283Lyka on September 7, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Emerson #246:

    Yes, I think I’m a type 1 too, “cute”. And I can live with that. 🙂

  282.  #284Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Posted an event for my b,day on FB… and now feeling a little vulnerable about what if no one comes…

    Oh it would feel so triggering. So embarrassing, like ‘look, Ella has no friends!’

    But you know what I don’t really care.

    As long as my close friends are there I don’t even care if there are just 10 of us… or whatever, and I know some of my closies are coming.

    So its ok really, just feel vulnerable somehow.

  283.  #285Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    And then one of my male friends… who I have been kinda half CD-ing, but feeling very unsure about… I have very much just a friend vibe for him… and he is the one who is very negative about his ex and also does certain substances that I don’t want around me.

    Well he has been wanting to see me and I got the vibe he is/was kinda into me… and it felt too triggering and I told him I was happy to meet and it would be on a friend basis.

    And since then I have felt a kinda passive agressive vibe coming to me off him. And he has made some kinda down putting comments covered by humour and I have used FMs to say it feels bad.

    he insisted on telling me all about the woman he was with at the weekend and I said I did not want to hear… and he said ‘why not? Mates share stuff!’

    I said I did not want to hear about other women and then he said there must be something more than friendship then…

    Today he posted on the wall for my birthday event and said the time was wrong and anyway he wasn’t going to come because it ‘looks like a cockfest Ella!’


    I said it felt bad and then he said he was only joking.

    He always says that when he says something that makes me feel bad/angry.

    I felt annoyed, angry, triggered and embaressed at first, and my thought was ‘anyone who reads that is going to think I am some kind of sl8t’

    And now I feel kinda bored and turned off and still a bit angry towards him.

    I have removed the comments from the wall and don’t know whether to respond to his PM saying he was just joking.

    Oh, and before he messaged me that, when I said his comment felt bad he did a general post saying ‘can’t be arsed’.

    Hmmm, I don’t know, whole thing just feels off.

  284.  #286Camille on September 7, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    I LOVE THE DANCE POSITION! Every day this week, the dance position has rendered me a kiss! LOVE IT!

  285.  #287Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    K vent over… now what’s been happening with my Siren Sisters on the blog?

  286.  #288Camille on September 7, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    Ella, I think he likes you…..and when you put him in the friend category……..he’s trying to hard to be a “guy” buddy! And joke with you like your one of the guys. But its not authentic because he likes YOU more.

  287.  #289Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    Mel re 143

    Great! Yay Siren.

    🙂 xoxox

  288.  #290Daria on September 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    Ella – ick.. that feels awful… Rori says to watch out for the “mean-spirited” seeming guys. NOT healthy.

    i would let him know i felt angry, or walk away

    and continue walking away and not let him in close to me

  289.  #291Daria on September 7, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    ugh i feel so angry at that man!

  290.  #292Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:17 pm


    Hey, maybe… and it just feels like digs disguised as humour. and kinda passive aggresive stuff.

    And he has said some kinda crude sounding stuff sorting hinting at that I am primiscous…

    Just feels bad.


  291.  #293Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:20 pm


    Its weird, cus he can be the most lovely caring guy… and it seems like he just can’t handle any kind of rejection… he gets really defensive and then lashes out, like he does abou his ex.

    Confusing when a person is such a mix of good and bad.

    He is an old friend and yes my feelings have been guiding me not to have him as a CD…


  292.  #294Daria on September 7, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    also ella – it didn’t even cross my mind that anyone who reads “it sounds like a cockfest” is going to think you’re a slut… just that theres a lot of guys at your party… people say that about an event venue all the time

  293.  #295Daria on September 7, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    ugh i feel like strangling him

  294.  #296Daria on September 7, 2011 at 4:24 pm

    i feel grossed out icky, furious, and turned off

  295.  #297Lyka on September 7, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    AG – #257:

    Those are good points but they won’t bring me what I long for the most: peace and silence.

    I do appreciate the technology we have nowadays and yet, sometimes I think that the more ways we have to communicate, the less we really talk. For example, have you ever had someone tell you to hush while they were watching tv? And I hear so many of you ladies saying how guys do not call you when they said they would. They have cell phones, yet don’t use them.

    I sometimes feel afraid to step out of my apartment, I feel triggered by so many things, like I said in the above post.

    I wish the world would just slow down. Why do we need to be in such a hurry all the time?

    I guess I just miss the good old lazy times I had last summer.

  296.  #298Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Daria re 294,

    Yeah I know what you mean… It is my stuff getting triggered.

    Another one of my CDs wanted to know where the afterparty was, and then one of my longest standing female friends posted ‘in Ella’s pants, hahahaha’ she knows I like this guy and I know she was joking and it still felt bad.

    I couldn’t quite bring myself to say my true feeling to her… I ALWAYS struggle with her the most. She is a fiery character and at various points in our friendship we have argued and fallen out, and I feel afraid of this… so I often hold back from expressing with her.

    I want to and I just find it so hard.

    I went with ‘awww, I feel embarressed’

    CD seemed to like the comment she made… and to me it just added to my ‘sl8t’ trigger thoughts.


    I feel really paranoid around this atm for some reason.

  297.  #299Lyka on September 7, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Ella – #285:

    That’s why I’m not on FB.

  298.  #300Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Emerson and Alias Girl re 163,

    Yes I have heard tham all too… and can sometimes feel bored, and more hese days just kinda feel soft and like ‘aww’ bless him, he is really trying…’ and he is just human, doing his best at dating like we are…

    I feel soft.

    And sometimes I do feel bored and like ‘yawn’ of please come with something new.

    Just depends how I am feeling.


  299.  #301AmazingMe on September 7, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Hello sirens! I am laying in bed with back pain, Gotta love it. I go see the doctor tomorrow but I haven’t seen him since 2009. I really dislike him he treated me bad and made me upset. He was the only one who could get me in so quick though and it saves me from going to ER so…We shall see. My mom got upset with me because I took some of her muscle relaxers. I should of asked but I wasn’t aware she needed them at the moment. I have been hurting and had no insurance until now. I feel bad, guilty, and I told her I would replace them when I get my treatment. I hate feeling like a useless mooch!! I hate it, I hate it!! My family is hurting for money and I cannot do shit about it until I take my boards. It will be the end of this month so it is closer but the stress on my family kills me. I blame me. It’s your fault AmazingMe, fix the problem, I am the problem! Fix me, I am working on it but feeling pretty discouraged. Sorry venting…..whooooossssssaaaaaa

  300.  #302luzydel on September 7, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    I feel blue 🙁

    just the nostalgia of summer going away I guess. I get very busy this time with work and stuff and I wonder that is why i get no chance with men…
    I can meet someone for a cup of coffee for an hr while my son stays home, he is 13 and i guess it is ok to leave him alone for an hr, after making him dinner and helping with homework, but that will be after 6 or 7 PM….I can date people near my work for an hr lunch….I enjoy Mr.NiceCD’s company, but I don’t know if he will put if with only meeting on weekends for now. I don’t like to bring men to my place when my son is around unless we are serious.

    Ok I am thinking ahead bleh! I will be fine…I can be alone, I do fine being alone, but I am just bored of it…

  301.  #303AmazingMe on September 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    I wish I had a man to love me right now 🙁 I feel lonely and when you hurt you just sometimes want a hug. Ok so just as I was typing my mom came in without me asking and gave me a muscle relaxer. She is so amazing, I love her and am not disappointed that I am just like her:) She has always been my hero and I try to show her as much as I can my appreciation.

  302.  #304Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    @ Emerson

    This made me laugh 🙂

    “but I’m kinda busy the next few days and don’t have time to go out and recruit newbies.”

    Know what you mean too!

    Thats why ot feels good to me when they show back up.

    Like ‘ah, I know you! Yay’


  303.  #305Ella on September 7, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    @ Emerson again

    “kinda just want someone familiar to spend time with and care and check on me. stomp.”

    Yep I know this one too.

    Sometimes these days I would actually just prefer time to myself… to re-energise and love myself.

    Wow, I feel afraid of becoming too self sufficient.

    Although I doubt it really 😉


  304.  #306Ella on September 7, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    EW – I feel happy and excited for you…

    Follow your heart AND please be careful of your feelings too.

    Although I feel glad for the whole J experience now I did fall off my horse and my bridge bigstyle for a bit, to the point of writing Rori because I felt in crisis.

    Just saying that for me I couldn’t handle a fling so much…

    Maybe one or 2 carefree dates would have been more manageable for me.

    I feel sure you will find what is right for you and it feels to exciting and alive to experiment!



  305.  #307Ella on September 7, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    I have noticed when you are waiting on things they don’t happen… and then as soon as you re-focus elsewhere, bam, they fall into place…

    I know this is supposed to be obvious, and living it is very different from knowing it!

  306.  #308luzydel on September 7, 2011 at 5:27 pm

    I like Alanis Morissette Lyrics


    Get up, don’t get up
    I beg you to sit tight
    Sweet girl, I’ll be a ghost, girl
    Forget it, I am fine

    If anything, a witnessing
    Is all I needed that night

    Until I get what I’m to get
    He’ll keep being compelled to flee
    Until I out his false story
    He’ll keep playing the guy who leaves

    Brother, oh, brother
    Solo you did bust out
    All I knew was you didn’t invite me
    So begin seeds of self-doubt

    There is nothing as harrowing
    As how I translate facts

    Until I get what I’m to get
    He’ll keep being compelled to flee
    Until I out his false story
    He’ll keep playing the guy who leaves

    Baby, oh, partner
    How well you’ve played this part
    Similar, oh, how familiar
    Reluctant truth you impart

    And how you served necessity
    Repeat ’til she sees light

    Until I get what I’m to get
    He’ll keep being compelled to flee
    Until I out his false story
    I’ll keep blaming the guy who leaves

  307.  #309elle emm on September 7, 2011 at 5:35 pm


    this has nothing to do with the post. i just need to vent.

    i am really feeling frustrated at how i don’t find many men attractive. and i feel freaked out.

    i feel like there’s something wrong with me. i feel sad. i really really don’t want to go on dates with most guys i see. i feel tired. i feel scared that i will never find anyone that i want to be with physically who won’t break my heart.


    i hate it!

    i work with my ex and the past few days i see him and melt because he’s so physically attractive. even though i left him and don’t even like him as a person. he’s a drug addict who cheated on me and who called me a ‘whore’ the last time i talked to him.

    i feel really sad that i just typed that. and i feel embarrassed.

    i want to feel good around another man and i want to date five, ten men. a bunch. i just don’t feel like be physical with anyone other than my ex.

    i feel so so so much better than when we were together and my life rocks. i just have this numbness around attraction to men right now.

    i know you mentioned this before, daria. when did it start to get better for you?

    i have targeting and have no problem actually sharing feelings, booking dates, all that…i just feel blank and numb when i think about kissing someone.

    i’m starting feel a little better just getting this down in writing.

  308.  #310AmazingMe on September 7, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    @308 I like the words! I love listening to music and feeling the words in songs, applying it to my life. Just feels good, sad songs, happy songs, love songs, break up songs, tough and independent women songs. A powerful message is felt through all music, even if it is not your feelings, the feelings touch someone. I love that!

  309.  #311luzydel on September 7, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    “it feels good to hear from you” I just said that to someone and even though it is true, I felt weird saying it…Like I was exposing myself…

  310.  #312Xti on September 7, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    #179 English Woman

    Thanks for responding to what I posted. The comments often overwhelm the time I have available for writing, so I tend to write one big comment per post, and am not as good at following up. 🙂

    I actually went on dates for about 4 months before I met my Texan. I had a physical relationship with one man and was seeing at least three men for coffee and texting with several others.

    And to be honest, though I’m exclusively dating my Texan, I still CD myself, my friends, and my family members, and practice being open/5 sec smile with men who cross my path.

    The great thing about how I met my Texan is that neither one of us was supposed to be there at all! I was supposed to vacation in another state and he was supposed to be at home.

    Right before we met, I thought about what Rori said about being open to a fling if you can handle it. I decided to be open to whatever came my way. I was ready for a fling, if that is what showed up.

    I wasn’t really looking for anything when we met, and neither was he. But I can tell you this: he was completely different from the men I had met on match, pof, and other internet sites.

    His reaction to me was…. organic. I felt so comfortable with him from the first moment because he met me being my authentic, open self with no expectations or agenda and he was the same. It felt so good, it ruined me for internet dating.

    I can say that if my Texan poofs, I won’t be going back online. I know what feels good to me now, and that’s CDing myself and being open to the men that show up.

    It’s interesting to me that after I came home from my vacation, the other men I’d been seeing all suddenly poofed! The one I’d been physical with quietly unfriended me on FB, as did another man I considered a friend. And they’ve all stayed gone.

    My take on that is my energy has changed so that they simply cannot be with me now. And that is good.

  311.  #313Xti on September 7, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    #199 Susan

    Thanks for letting me know. I appreciate hearing your feedback. 🙂

  312.  #314Xti on September 7, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    #217 FW

    Thanks for responding. I also wanted to let you know that I’ve been considering something you said to me on another thread ever since then. I’m still processing my feelings on it, so I’m not sure what I want to say about it yet, but I think about your words often. Thanks for taking the time to say something to me, then and now.

  313.  #315Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    307 Ella that is so true..when we are focusing on other things…poof then the guy reappears or a job offer or what not…
    It happens that way sometimes for me expecially recently with work.
    Also a while back I had cut off contact with recycled and moved on when out of BLUE he contacted me and I was NOT expecting it at all.

  314.  #316Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    haha I said expecially 🙄 I meant ESPECIALLY

  315.  #317Emerson on September 7, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Ella they have Zumba here near where I live and I see the ads and always think of you 🙂 fondly, of course. Maybe one of these days I will join… 🙂

  316.  #318Starla on September 7, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    life feels so sweet
    there is so much sweetness to take in from every moment

    being alive is a sweet gift

  317.  #319Lilybelly on September 7, 2011 at 6:42 pm


    I am the same way, Luzydel, with dating and my son. In all the years I have been divorced, he’s only met two men.

  318.  #320alias girl on September 7, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    every man i saw today looked handsome to me. aw.

    i have shifted.


  319.  #321Femininewoman on September 7, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Welcome Xti

  320.  #322Lilybelly on September 7, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    I need practice being out and about while being open. I usually am so laser focused that I miss 90% of what is going on around me…and I am sure, plenty of nice men to practice on.

    I wonder why I do that. Same way I wonder why I walk with my head down..

    WTF is up with that??? Hold your head UP girl and walk like you mean it. You are an effing goddess, for Pete’s Wheats. A beautiful, remarkable, siren-y goddess.

    Mama Gena says: “Act as if you are beautiful, and lo and behold, you become that in your eyes and the eyes of others.”

    Mama Gena is a smart Goddess too.

  321.  #323Esteemed on September 7, 2011 at 8:40 pm


    I CD’ed a lot this summer. I had mostly bad experiences. I needed a break from it.

  322.  #324Esteemed on September 7, 2011 at 8:41 pm


    I dated a lot this summer. I had mostly bad experiences. I needed a break from it.

  323.  #325Lele on September 7, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    I have had some confusion these past few weeks. Talking with 3 different fellows online but noone is stepping up. Rats! I feel very tired. Others have come and gone. A couple I’ve actually met but felt like I was being interviewed for a nurse position. Icky!!! I’ve felt down and crying. I’ve felt resigned. I’ve felt so many things. But I come back to hope, every time. Even when everything seems hopeless, back I flow, back to hope. I feel hopeful. Amazing that. lol

  324.  #326Emoticon on September 7, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    OK so I tried the 5 second stare n smile!! Worked like magic 🙂 he said something to me, I responded and then walked away with my friend but then he sent his little brother after us to ask for my number. I’m gonna start using it more!!

    Btw I know this is like the direct opposite of what this blog is about but then again I’m 21 yrs old so a 19 year old is not much of an accomplishment!! I did however get a 50 year old guys number 2nite. The thing is, my ethnicity is Caribbean/West Indian but because of my look esp my eyes, people often think I’m egyptian, ethiopian or somalian. So he, like most east african guys tried to talk 2 me and I really engaged him in the conversation jus practising my siren-ness and CDing skills and yeah I guess now I have a 50 year old CD. I’m really interested in how this one plays out!!

  325.  #327Emoticon on September 7, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    * I meant what this blog post is about not the whole blog lol.

  326.  #328English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    #311 XTI

    Thanks for that update, and it is very interesting how the others have just poofed (great word, thanks Ella!!) right away……….I do know the feeling about the difference between POF and other ways of meeting to be honest…….so glad things are going well for you and that the RR way does work. 😀

  327.  #329English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    #325 Emoticon

    Wow you are 21 and he is 50, there will be only one way for this to play out, you will be the QUEEN every older mans dream, a hot 21 year old LOL!!

  328.  #330Emoticon on September 7, 2011 at 10:37 pm

    English Woman… I sure hope so! Waiting and watching… I love all my CDs. They all make me feel good in different ways.

    Btw sirens I think one of them is playing games with me like he wants me to lean forward. Anywhooo I’m thinking maybe he’s trying me out 2 c if I’m really interested. But I mean idk the reason. I’m not going to lean forward. It may very well be he has chosen to give up the chase for whatever reason. Hmm oh well.

  329.  #331English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    #223 Valerie

    This is one of the greatest things I have learnt from RR and the Sirens……..there is no rush, calm down, slow down, stop rowing the boat……….just lie back and let your fingertips trail in the water. 😀

  330.  #332English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    #238 Emerson

    I feel really disappointed when we don’t talk. I feel like I’m having expectations and then I’m setting myself up to be disappointed — are we on the same page here?”

    Now, no matter what he says, you go to appreciation. That’s right. Even if you feel like he’s a jerk — you say “Thank you for listening. I love it when you call. I love it when I hear your voice. It feels great when we’re in contact.”

    And… here is where you turn your attention to him:
    “I’m feeling curious — what is it that you want? What kind of phone connection and consistency and continuity do you want from this relationship?”

    And then you listen to him!


    Because, basically, we’re afraid of what we’re going to hear. We’re afraid that a man’s hopes and dreams and wants are not really matched well to our hopes and dreams..

    We’re afraid he’s going to think we’re high maintenance and insecure and needy.

    When the truth is you’re likely just a regular girl like all the rest of us who likes to feel GOOD around a man. Girls like consistency.

    And when you don’t get those things you need consistently — so you can depend on a man to not continually disappoint you — then yes, you do start to get triggered and start to feel insecure and needy.

    But that’s not your normal default mode. It takes two to tango here — and what you want to find out is: Who’s dancing and who isn’t!


  331.  #333English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    #306 Ella

    Well let’s see if the Amereekano steps up first LOL!!

    I am very well aware of the “power” he had over me, kind of like that soulmate thing and it’s very scary but I have had some REALLY fun moments with this man too……..scary but exciting. 😀

    Anyway as RR says it’s only an Imaginary Relationship until he is standing in front of me, in the mean time I will just keep on with my POF life and TRYING to do the 5 second glance thing…..SO HARD to do!!

    Re your party and the comments from that guy on FB, I think like the others say he really likes you and is triggered by your “men friends” – maybe he is scared of the competition. 🙂

    And I would practise feeling messages on the female who made that comment – sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves as hard as that is.

    You know when I am feeling bad about things, I say to myself something I heard on Oprah a long time ago……

    “Get a backbone not a wishbone”

    In my case it started me off on a big diet LOL!! But Tony Robbins talks about this a lot, getting courage and standing up for yourself……….

  332.  #334English Woman on September 7, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    #321 Lilybelle

    Wow, funnily enough my young colleague remarked to me yesterday that he had driven right past me and I didn’t even notice him as I was too busy walking along looking DOWN at the ground!!

    Right it’s a heads up for me (and you) from now on!!

  333.  #335alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:00 am

    i just acted in a way that made me very proud to be me. And i took a risk that said “i care about me.” and i acted in a way that corresponds to how i am living my life and my best self and my best life and MY IDEALS.

    and i am being the change i wish to see in the world.

    and also it is a bit of a risk and i’m not sure how the other person will respond.

    either way, the rest of my life is MINE. i am living it for ME in way that feels good to ME.

    we’ll see.

    i feel fine. i feel ok with just with any outcome and also the outcomes will all be good because the universe only wants good for me.

    so i feel good.

  334.  #336alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:05 am

    i just opened this email on pof and then i clicked on his profile and i said

    “he’s kind of cute but… i don’t wanna be murdered.”


    true true. that’s what i said outloud to myself.

    i’m not going to email him back.

  335.  #337alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:20 am

    hey today i found a bracelet

    then later a 3g phone (i returned. long story. it fell from a biker as he whizzed by.)

    and someone gave me free movie rental tickets. like a bunch.


    everyday is beginning to feel like a bizarre adventure. i hope aliens are watching and enjoying my life.

  336.  #338alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:22 am

    screw it. if i find a good guy i am just going to have him be my boyfriend.

    all i ever wanted, really.

    maybe this one guy i haven’t met yet and only exchanged three emails with.


    what huh? imaginary what?

    nu uh. he’s going to be my boyfriend. and i’ll worry about later


  337.  #339alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:29 am

    decadent luxurious and extravagant.

    alias girl new tagline.

  338.  #340English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 12:36 am

    Wow Alias Girl

    I can’t believe you chose that Abraham for me, I have been told I have to give up smoking because of my blood pressure, and here I was psyching myself up for it, and I put on my quit patch and turned on your link!!! Talk about LOA!!!

    Thank You 😀

  339.  #341English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 12:39 am

    #306 An Abraham moment for Ella!!!

    How timely I came across this after listening to alias girl’s link!!!! LOA happening all over the place this morning!! How to speak up for yourself!!!


  340.  #342English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 12:39 am

    decadent luxurious and extravagant.

    Love it!!! 😀

  341.  #343alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 12:59 am

    EW !!!!! xoxoxo!!! 🙂

    i feel happy you like the link!!!

  342.  #344alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 2:19 am

    how come my smiley face icon isn’t as wide smiled?

    i want the big wide toothy smiley face.

  343.  #345Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 2:46 am

    I had the weirdest dream just before waking up. I was going to see my boyfriend in his village and when I got there, it seemed like everybody was just either sitting around or walking about outside and it was a beautiful, sunny winter day. My bf’s house door was opened so I just walked in and he got up to greet me. I was happy to see him so I wanted to give him a big hug but he kind of stepped back and acted all serious. There was a girl with him in his house and he also had a cute little white puppy hidden inside his winter jacket. He gave me the puppy which kept moving around, it was all fluffy and so small, I kept wondering where its mother was and who was going to feed/take care of it. At that point, I give him the puppy back and said I was going to go get smokes so I went back outside.

    I stopped where everyone was sitting/standing outside (it was like a big snow party right in front of his house) and the atmosphere was great there, everyone seemed happy because it was a beautiful winter day, with perfect weather. The whole village was totally different from what it actually is, there was a small square/park with benches. I just sat down on one of the benches beside someone and started talking to them. I felt like going back home because of my bf reaction (or lack of).

    Then I noticed a girl writing something in the snow in some fancy writing and I went to her to see what she was writing and she said “it’s today’s menu at the restaurant”. I thought it was original and told her so. It was amazing the way she wrote the words but I asked myself how it would stay that way since the sun would eventually melt them during the day.

    I felt confused and sad and didn’t know what to do and that’s when I woke up, half an hour earlier than I was supposed to.

  344.  #346Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 2:49 am

    I just remembered part of another dream I had last night. I was at my sister’s place and she had vines growing on the ceiling of her bedroom, with grapes growing out of them. It was so beautiful! The whole ceiling was full of vines! I felt like I was sleeping under a tree but inside! 🙂

    I remember telling her “wow, this is so convenient! If you get hungry during the night, no need to go to the kitchen, right?”

  345.  #347Esteemed on September 8, 2011 at 2:58 am


    Interesting dreams! What do you think they mean?

  346.  #348Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 3:06 am

    Esteemed, I don’t know exactly and I’d rather not think too much about what the first one means! lol! Although I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean that my bf has another gf, all he does is work, work, work. I will see him tomorrow night (for real, this time) and I will tell him about that dream and watch his reaction. I’m not worried, though.

    The vine dream was just magical, though. I have no idea what it means and I wish I would. Maybe it’s just a reflection of my need to live in the country and have more “green” around me.

  347.  #349Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 3:07 am

    BTW, how are you doing, Esteemed? How’s the job?

    Off to workout now, be back shortly! 🙂

  348.  #350Lilybelly on September 8, 2011 at 3:52 am


    EW~ We can do this together. I have been practicing a walk too. A very relaxed one that is neither to fast or slow. and, it feels good too. Now, to do all of it at the same time, that will be the key. The cool thing is that I am aware that I am prone to looking down so I am catching myself more and more.

  349.  #351Daria on September 8, 2011 at 4:00 am

    ok my dreams… i feel a bit blank at the moment…

    i feel unsure… maybe they were about my homies…

  350.  #352Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 4:05 am

    Emerging Courageous
    Walking through Your Fear

    Frequently, in walking through our fear, we discover that the strength of our fright was out of sync with reality.

    The situations, activities, and individuals that frighten us remain static. Their relative intensity does not change. Fear, on the other hand, self-magnifies. It is when you are afraid and envisioning all that might go wrong that the energy underlying your fear grows. A tiny flicker of anxiety can easily develop into a terror that manifests itself physically and eventually paralyzes you into inaction. Though frequently, in walking through that fear, we discover that the strength of our fright was out of synch with reality. And we learn that doing what frightens us can lead to great blessings. Confronting your trepidation head-on will help you accept that few frightening scenarios will ever live up to the negative disasters that we sometimes play out in our minds.

    Though fear is literally an evolutionary gift meant to sharpen your senses and energize you during times of great stress, it can nonetheless become a barrier that prevents you from fulfilling your potential by causing you to miss out on rewarding, life-changing experiences. During the period before you face your fear, you may have to deal with a barrage of negative thoughts and emotions. Walking through it, whether your fear is public speaking, taking part in an activity that makes you nervous, or asserting yourself when the odds are against you, may be equally as difficult. But once you have emerged unscathed on the other side, which you will, you will likely wonder why you assumed the worst in the first place. As you spend time worrying about what might happen, it’s good to know that your fear probably won’t happen at all. It may feel like a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders, and you will likely feel a sense of passionate pride. Walking through your fear can mean taking risks and can require both practice and patience. Since it is challenging to act when you are gripped with fear, start small.

    Each step you take into fear will strengthen you and help you confront future fears with poise, courage, and confidence. You will also find that when you are willing to stare your fear in the face, the universe will always offer you some form of aid or support. When you see the heights of accomplishment and personal evolution you can attain when you walk through your fears, your faith in yourself will grow, allowing your next step to be easier.

  351.  #353AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 5:22 am

    @351 Wow, I am inspired by this thank you!

  352.  #354AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 5:44 am

    “I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a church filled with flowers and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for; he said one that would make me his wife.”

  353.  #355English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 5:59 am

    #310 Luzydel

    it feels good to hear from you” I just said that to someone and even though it is true, I felt weird saying it…Like I was exposing myself…

    Oh yes I can sooo relate to this as I said something similar myself to my American “friend” this morning by email. It made me feel sooo vulnerable, like I was letting my shield down or something!! But that’s what this is all about right? Being authentic………

  354.  #356English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 6:02 am

    #353 AmazingMe

    “I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance; a church filled with flowers and friends. I asked him what kind of wedding he wished for; he said one that would make me his wife.”

    I LOVE it, it made me think of creamy roses and ivory candles and lace, and romance and elegance and a happy happy love filled day.

    Thank you for the lovely vision I now have in my head, did you write that yourself? Yummy. x

  355.  #357Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 6:38 am

    RE 344 Lyka the beginning part of your dream seems like the natural thing that happens in the energy exchange. You lean forward and he leans back. Maybe the sadness you felt was associated with that. For me, my best experiences are in leaning back and the guy leaning forward.

    I recognize that this is a dream so my assumption would be that Rori’s teachings are sinking into your subconcious and it might be your mind helping you to become more aware but playing the masculine/feminine energy exchange in your dream. At least that is how I would look at it.

  356.  #358AmazingMe on September 8, 2011 at 8:05 am

    @355 Not this time I did not write it but when I read it I had to share. I loved it too!

  357.  #359Shar lean way back on September 8, 2011 at 8:56 am

    Lilybelly and EW

    I recently read and easy way to have good posture is to point your bosom to the sky. When I catch myself in a slump this is so easy for me to remember.

  358.  #360Susan on September 8, 2011 at 8:56 am

    RE: 344: Lyka:

    Would you mind if I attempted dream interpretation?

    The girl your boyfriend was with did not represent another woman. She represented his workload. He couldn’t pay attention to you because he had to pay attention to his work. The cute little white puppy hidden inside his winter jacket is YOU. He holds you close to his heart, but is asking you right now to take care of yourself because he is overwhelmed with work. You wondered how to feed the puppy (yourself) and then went on to dream about restaurants that offer wonderful things and grapes that grow in the safety and comfort of one’s home. You also dreamed of being surrounded with interesting people. This is you telling yourself that you will be taken care if, even if in unexpected ways.

  359.  #361Senior Lady Vibe on September 8, 2011 at 9:27 am

    @343: alias girl says:
    “…how come my smiley face icon isn’t as wide smiled?
    i want the big wide toothy smiley face…”

    Straight to you from Iconville right next to Italics City:

    : D without space = 😀

    In case you might like a “razz” too…
    : P without space = 😛

    BTW, I have a new tagline too…but I’m not yet sure what it is. I suspect it’s a return to a previous one, sort of “back to the future.”


  360.  #362alias girl on September 8, 2011 at 9:31 am


  361.  #363Emerson on September 8, 2011 at 10:21 am

    279 thank you Daria 🙂 xoxo

  362.  #364Femininewoman on September 8, 2011 at 10:42 am

    Re 358 That reminds me of the picture of Marni Battista of Dating with Dignity.

  363.  #365Emerson on September 8, 2011 at 10:47 am

    359: Susan says:
    RE: 344: Lyka:

    Would you mind if I attempted dream interpretation?

    The girl your boyfriend was with did not represent another woman. She represented his workload. He couldn’t pay attention to you because he had to pay attention to his work. The cute little white puppy hidden inside his winter jacket is YOU. He holds you close to his heart, but is asking you right now to take care of yourself because he is overwhelmed with work. You wondered how to feed the puppy (yourself) and then went on to dream about restaurants that offer wonderful things and grapes that grow in the safety and comfort of one’s home. You also dreamed of being surrounded with interesting people. This is you telling yourself that you will be taken care if, even if in unexpected ways.

    OMG Susan your interpretation brought tears to my eyes! I feel so moved…I know this is not my dream or directed at me but I felt so connected to this interpretation…so insightful.

  364.  #366Lyka on September 8, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Susan #359:

    Wow, Susan, I am totally impressed with this interpretation and it makes total sense to me. I am presently at a crossroad in my life and have to take some decisions about the way I want to pursue my dreams and make them come true. My sweetie is part of it but he doesn’t know it yet. I am confident yet apprehensive about the whole situation.

    FW #356, I like your interpretation too, maybe it is sinking in even though it is not in my nature to lean back.

    Many thanks to both of you! 🙂

  365.  #367Lm on September 8, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    I think my last post was put into moderation. I wonder if anyone else has an issue with not finding guys attractive.

    I left my ex of three years for a variety of reasons. I work with him and still have to see him every day. I still feel very attracted to him physically. I am cding and started months before I left him. I feel awesome. My job is great. My friends are amazing. I have my own home and several amazing creative projects going on.

    I feel proud to have taken care of myself and left a bad relationship. My challenge now is around attraction to men…I don’t feel any! I feel almost numb around men who aren’t my ex.

    Does anyone have any advice? I feel sad. I miss being turned on, but the only man who does it for me is really really uncaring.

    Thanks sirens!

  366.  #368English Woman on September 8, 2011 at 9:26 pm

    #366 Lm

    Everybody seems to have headed over to the new post – why don’t you copy and paste over there?

    I soooo know what you mean about not finding men attractive, read my last few posts on internet dating. meh…..lol.

  367.  #369lm on September 8, 2011 at 9:27 pm

    thanks, EW!

  368.  #370skb on September 9, 2011 at 5:39 am

    I saw this online and shared it with a man I’m dating. This is his response.

    S: Sex is kind of like a drug in some ways. It can alter reality. It can make you feel OK when things really are not OK. It can make you feel better in a bad relationship. It can make you attracted to a person you should not be attracted to. This is why I did try not to go physical with you at first.
    07:38 It meant we were stimulating each others minds. It created a different kind of bond. It made sex inevitable. It helped make the sex amazing because there was a bigger mental aspect to what we were doing. To me, that is where a doorway was opened that does not exist with anybody else in my life.

  369.  #371skb on September 9, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Forgot to add the quote….”Sex offers a unique doorway, an opportunity to be truly naked of more than just our clothing, and create the very essence of unconditional love in a physical way.”

  370.  #372Rori Raye on September 9, 2011 at 8:34 am

    elle emm – what you are saying about your going “blank” and “numb” around men other than your ex, who you don’t feel attracted to – is all about trauma reaction – and that’s where you want to really work in the Targeting Mr. Right program. Feeling “blank” is a feeling. Own it, go into it, find what it feels like, what color of the rainbow it is, how it moves, what it wants. “Chemistry” develops in a different way when there is no co-dependency and when it’s not based in fear. Love, Rori

  371.  #373Esteemed on September 9, 2011 at 9:46 am


    RE: #142 – Thanks! I, like you, want to be in my girl energy but sometimes don’t know how. I’m very feminine…K tells me I put off a very sexy, feminine vibe. But when it cums down to moment-by-moment relating, I tend to get nervous and act in boy energy to cover my vulnerability.

    When I feel totally accepted by someone, I find myself speaking very softly and feeling very feminine.

  372.  #374Esteemed on September 9, 2011 at 9:52 am


    RE: #348-349 – My job is going well and I like it! I really hope to find a rental closer to here. Where I’m staying is about 1 hr 15 min, or longer in traffic. It is getting old very fast, and using a lot of gas!

    I LOVED the interpretation of your dream that was given you! I bought it for myself, too!

  373.  #375Esteemed on September 9, 2011 at 9:55 am


    RE: #111 – Good for you! Your experience gives me hope that I can get past R! Thanks!

  374.  #376alexis on September 9, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    There is nothing wrong with liking a person who is younger then you. I am seeing a man now who is 12 years younger and all it is Friends with Benefits. We both love sex and look forward to it when it happens. Just have fun and let nature take it course.

  375.  #377Nancy on October 2, 2011 at 11:55 am

    I thought this man liked me but later to find out he was just a controller, I even moved in as a boarder.
    He accussed me of horrible things, I got out of there, now we talked twice since.
    I did apologize for what I had said to his boss about him, (I went over board) now he says there’s HOPE FOR ME YET!! What does that mean?
    He is a player…. He still wants to wave and smile at me, but I am not phoning him or texting him, right now, but he says everything is still so fresh in his mind that in a week or so, we will be closer friends.
    In a way he seems to be a nice guy, but he hates females….
    He had sex with me twice. We seemed to be very close, for quite a while..
    When he says there’s hope for me yet?? I am very confused, I never had a relationship with him, “HE HAS “FUN” with his female friends, he doesn’t call it SEX….
    I am not under his control, and will learn how not to fall for it, and maybe I can learn on how “I” can control him a bit too….!!

    Can you help with those questions, any ideas??