A Great Love Success Story In Progress

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locketHere’s a great letter from Ellen – and an amazing turn around story – still in progress:

Hi Rori

I just went out today with a guy again that I am reeeeeally attracted to. He asked to see me again over the weekend, but I go on a skiing trip. So he said when he can see me again next week. I’m feeling good! AND a little weird. He IS doing all the work! Before, I used to worry that I should from time to time suggest things with guys so they feel better… And now, I don’t do it, and he’s just doing it! Ha!

Even two other guys that I have had to say no to recently because of plans.. They are still checking in on me and asking me out! And before, I used to feel like I have to say yes to the first date suggested, or I’d miss an opportunity to got out at all with a guy because he might feel rejected if I said no.

It’s really feeling good! But weird, too!

I realize also how, when I say no, I say it differently. I notice how I feel different about it. And I believe that the way I had been reacting to men before WAS REALLY pushing them away!

I am loving this, but I now and then fall into a big sadness that I didn’t ‘apply’ these tools with the guy at work.. with him its the hardest to really live the tools.. His “girlfriend” is in town (I overheard him saying it to a guy at work yesterday) and it almost made me throw up to just hear it…

It made me feel like I don’t want to give him any attention again EVER. Like I need to pay him back for the way I feel. I feel that I want him to be unhappy with her. You see its just the opposite of what I’m achieving with other guys!!

You see I am definitely still work in progress. But I’d really like to thank you so so much for the amazing help you have been! You have helped me start turning my life around. I’m still learning, but the effect I have after only 2 months is unbelievable! Almost scary!

A big hug from me, Ellen

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  1.  #1Vi on March 16, 2013 at 2:22 pm


  2.  #2Butterfly Wings on March 16, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    Number 2!

  3.  #3Butterfly Wings on March 16, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    I decided to bite the bullet last night and set up a POF profile. I still feel freaked out by it, and I’m afraid someone I know will see my pic on there, but I’ll worry about that later.

    So I was talking to 6 guys, 4 of which were trying to set up a meeting (I told them I’d let them all know Monday – got to work out my schedule first).

    Meanwhile, S has one more week left before he goes back to work, and I’d really like to see him one more time. He has no future potential, but OMG he lights my fire! 😀

    Mr NYE was trying to invite himself over last night, but I told him no (I had my daughter home).

    And M (from two years ago) was texting me on and off throughout the day.

    S, NYE and M are my favourites, but NYE and M just aren’t giving me all the attention I need and S isn’t going to be there long term. Plus I have a height thing I’ve realised. One guy off POF is 6 foot 5 and I loved the sound of that! I think that’s why I like S so much – he’s 6 foot 4…

    Anyway, when talking to the men on POF I found it was VERY easy to tell them how it is – that I’m dating other men until the right one steps up and sweeps me off my feet. I was totally open about it, thinking that if they don’t like it then see ya later. It’s no great loss because I don’t know them anyway! It feels so good to get this on the table from day 1!

    I’m also considering starting Crossfit from this coming week. It’ll make me even busier than I am now, but it’ll also increase my degree of difficulty right? 😉

  4.  #4sha-sha on March 16, 2013 at 5:19 pm


  5.  #5Memulo on March 16, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    I have the weird feeling that one of my dates a month ago knew smartcd. I only met this guy once and had dinner with him and he did a couple of things that made me subconsciously think that smartcd coached him for the date. It is crazy, I know, but still this thought comes to my mind. I said on a date when I asked that I had someone for a while and then it didn’t work out, so I am looking meet someone and fall in love. Again.

    Do you think if he passed these words to smartcd the guy would think – wow, it was like 4 months and she is still ‘looking’. And she just shut up and didn’t call me again, but she actually didn’t have anyone else. Because I did not tell my date about my cd that night.

  6.  #6Memulo on March 16, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    I have the weird feeling that one of my dates a month ago knew smartcd. I only met this guy once and had dinner with him and he did a couple of things that made me subconsciously think that smartcd coached him for the date. It is crazy, I know, but still this thought comes to my mind. I said on a date when asked that I had someone for a while and then it didn’t work out, so I am looking meet someone and fall in love. Again.

    Do you think if he passed these words to smartcd the guy would think – wow, it was like 4 months and she is still ‘looking’. And she just shut up and didn’t call me again, but she actually didn’t have anyone else. Because I did not tell my date about my cd that night.

  7.  #7Memulo on March 16, 2013 at 6:22 pm

    Sorry, double post.

  8.  #8Memulo on March 16, 2013 at 7:10 pm

    I am looking at these men’s profiles on match and I couldn’t care less about them 😉

  9.  #9Memulo on March 16, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    I guess if someone is with you and then meets the dream of his life and goes after her, it’s unpleasant but you have to accept it.

  10.  #10Tereana on March 16, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    New Post!

    Confession: I haven’t read it yet. I’m here for the discussion. But I always like Rori’s posts…(most always ; )

    Anyway. I *have* been reading about your stories – or at least trying to read as much as I can. And not posting about everything. But even if i don’t respond, I always learn so much by reading. I guess it might go the same both ways : )

  11.  #11Tereana on March 16, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    Here I am, at home writing on a Saturday evening – no wait. Make that at *somebody else’s* home. teehee! But it’s my home, temporarily : ) It’s very nice, and I feel this positive, goddessy vibe in it. I’m feeling creative and open and warm, and I’m just loving it!

    My mom called me today. I felt somewhat good about the fact that she called me. But all she said in her message was that she “hopes we can talk soon.” Talk about what? The weather? Her latest obsession, whatever that is? I’m not calling back. You know why? Because SHE hopes we can talk soon. Because it’s all about HER. If she had called and said ANYTHING about me, I would return her call. Okay. She did say that she was “thinking about me.” So what? Thinking what? That she cares, that she doesn’t care? What?

    This is what bugs me: the fact that she can’t just come out and say whatever it is that is on her mind. She can’t communicate and she can’t connect with me. And THAT’S NOT MY FAULT. And it’s not my problem. But it is my problem. Because it’s the source of A LOT of my problems. The more that I engage with that, and enable her lack of ability to BE the kind of parent that I need, and basically require me to BE that parent back to her – the more I suffer. So no. Sorry. It’s not going to happen anymore. And it feels cold. And it feels harsh. But this is what I have to do FOR ME.

    And it also occurred to me the other day, that the experience with the girl friend/not friend that I’ve been having over the last couple of years is very similar to how I experience my mom. I experience my mom as a cold, manipulative person who doesn’t really care for me or my feelings. And yet, everyone else that she knows seems to think that she’s just the greatest person, and that she cares so much about so many people. And I’m like ‘yeah, she cares about THEM – so she’s got nothing left for ME, and she expects me to pick up the slack of where she can’t or won’t care for HERSELF, and then KEEPS MAKING ME PAY FOR IT LIKE IT’S MY FAULT.’

    Sorry, mom, I’m DONE.

    To feel stronger, I thought of the dream I had the other night, and how peaceful I felt when I threw the snow and the leaves to the side. “I don’t want you anymore.” I’m sorry. You might want me to be whatever it is you want me to be. But I don’t want You anymore.

  12.  #12Tereana on March 16, 2013 at 9:23 pm

    OOh! *giddy school-girl claps hands*

    I forgot to tell you all how I met the CD that I saw on Wednesday! It was a fun story : )

    Here’s how it went: Basically, I was at the club last Saturday, hanging out with my girlfriends, and waiting to watch the band that was going to play. They were a good band, and we were staking out our prime watching place. Meanwhile, I walked to the ladies’ room and back, and while I did that, I checked around to see if there were any good-looking men. And I must say, I felt disappointed. I didn’t meet anyone’s eye, and no one seemed attractive to me. I came back and reported as much to my other friend.

    Later on, we were dancing, the DJs were playing. I kept looking around, checking out the guys, and if I saw anyone who looked even somewhat cute, it seemed like he would look away.

    And then I noticed myself: I was being totally Aggressive! I was being like a huntress with my bow-and-arrow laser eye vision, and they felt my “forward” vibe and were running away!

    So I SWITCHED my vibe. Just like that. I noticed. Then I switched. Or I could say, I switched it OFF. I took myself out of “huntress” mode, and I just started dancing. And I stopped CARING if guys were dancing with me, or looking at me, or anything else.

    About 5 seconds later, this guy – who I’d seen standing alone near our group for a few minutes – suddenly pops into my arms, out of nowhere and starts dancing with me. He’s spinning me around and smiling. Literally, it happened that fast.


    So I thought I’d just share that. Because it’s very NATO – no attachment to outcome. Once I “switched” I totally let go of the idea that I might “meet someone.” And there he was! In my arms! It was totally cool! 🙂

    And who knows if it will go anywhere. As I told my friend just yesterday, it was one date. It’s not as if I know if he’s my soul-mate or whatnot.

    I also need to remind myself: this is about my energy and my vibe. I told her, too, that I’m not contacting him, because I want to give him room and the space to contact me. She didn’t quite understand, and said that she would have texted him something. But she said that friends of hers would have agreed with me.

    And I was trying to describe how it’s not “a game” and I’m not suppressing or repressing myself. But it’s an opportunity – for me – to really use this time to focus on me, while he’s not beating down my doors or texting my fingers off. He needs to know that he doesn’t *have* to stay in touch with me all the time. So that way, he CAN – if he wants to. ; )

    And besides, I got two NUGGETS from the experience. I got to feel and to see the results of switching my “vibe,” and then – bam! – attracting a guy right into my space. Yay! (who knows if I can deal with it. Right now, I’m just working on staying present with myself, or trying to…) And then I got the names he gave me – Mermaid. Wealth. Water droplet. Yummy : )

    That must be why I feel so amazing and goddessy right now! I have a feeling I wouldn’t feel quite so good if I started reaching out to him. And in fact, now every time that I think about it, I cringe a little bit inside. Lol. I think I’ve started to train myself in a different direction!

  13.  #13Tereana on March 16, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    Sorry for spamming blog with long posts. I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight : ) Sleep well, sirens!

  14.  #14Emerson on March 16, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Yay tereana I like the story about switching your vibe and dancing !!

  15.  #15k2012 on March 17, 2013 at 4:18 am

    From previous thread: Married/committed individuals have no business on dating sites. That’s cheating. Can u imagine u are involved with a man and then find his dating profile on a dating website? Clearly that means he is searching for someone else. I wonder if women do that too. I am not sure. But men do it. No wonder, I am not all that into dating sites although my profile is on 2. Its just there. Some of these men can’t be trusted. And u know what, something just popped into my head-anytime u see a guy saying on his online profile that he wants “friendship”, it might be cause for suspicion. This just popped into my head. Mind u, a guy could just want friends for true and not anything serious yet for a variety of reasons. But many of them are married/committed, that’s why they only want a friend. Well I decided to drop overseas cd a line. Haven’t heard back from him as yet. I definitely have no expectations and frankly speaking, if I meet someone else long distance/overseas, I am not going to make any effort if they are romantically interested. Too far. If they are in the country I want to migrate to, then that’s different. Didn’t go to the park on Friday. A new week has begun and I am going this friday.

  16.  #16k2012 on March 17, 2013 at 4:47 am

    I remember being on a dating site some years ago and met a man who turned out to be married. I found out he was a womanizer as I saw many profiles very, very similar to his. Although I am not too into online dating, it would be good if coaches could write articles about the highs and lows of online dating. How can I know if a guy is being genuine? What are the clues I should look for. Disappearing ex and I previously reconnected on facebook (remember I knew him before), overseas cd (facebook too) and the guy before disappearing ex. So it has been 3 guys with online dating, only thing it is social networking sites. With social networking sites, its mostly a reconnection with old friends and family for eg. Disappearing ex. U can meet new persons too particularly through others, even if u don’t get to meet them in real life yet, for eg. Overseas cd. The guy before disappearing ex was a previous acquaintance. Somehow I prefer social networking sites than dating sites as social networking sites in my opinion is safer. But I am giving the online thing a break now and trying to meet someone face to face first before going back to try online again. There is a batch reunion in August and I will make plans for that. Disappearing ex and Overseas cd are in my batch/yeargroup at my old high school. If disappearing ex comes, I will just walk past him. Hahaaa. If Overseas cd responds, I will use the opportunity to ask him if he heard about it. He frequents facebook on a weekly basis he says, so I suppose he saw it. If he comes, I will finally get to meet him. I know what u are all thinking. Lol. No I am not interested. Serious. It would be good to meet someone at the reunion who is living in the country I want to go to whether or not I knew them before or meeting them for the first time. No one knows everyone in their year group so an event like this would give me the opportunity to meet new guys. Sometimes I don’t know what to do. If I meet an old schoolmate who lives in the US, and who is SERIOUSLY interested, I am wondering if I should still go for that person although I don’t want to migrate to the US. Suppose things work out and the person might be willing to go to the country I want to go to. Sorry for rambling. I am confused. Really confused. Good morning to u all ladies.your feedback would be appreciated. Its always good to hear other point of views. Thanks.

  17.  #17Veronica on March 17, 2013 at 10:53 am

    Hi. I’m new to all this and have been contemplating joining the group for a while. I’ve been reading the blog for quite some time but have always felt hesitant to write. I enjoy reading the articles and the comments and find them inspiring and comforting. I am feeling quite nervous about all this, and I really need the anonymity to work things through.

    I’ve recently come out of a two-year relationship that I didn’t want to end. I feel so stuck in the pain – Rori’s articles in the Breakup and Divorce section are really helping me out. Thank you so much Rori. Even writing this makes me cry — I’m feeling so emotional.

    Yay for Ellen and I’m glad to hear how well it’s going for her — I want that for myself too, the ability and opportunity to just enjoy the efforts the men are making.

    Tereana – I like that you use NATO – it’s going to make reading the news a lot more fun. ha ha

  18.  #18Memulo on March 17, 2013 at 10:55 am

    K2012, how about dealing with problems as they arrive? I.e. to consider and make a decision if a person shows you interest and is serious about you?

  19.  #19Memulo on March 17, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I have a date tonight that I am not really excited about. He asked me to a pub and I don’t drunk beer;) oh well I suppose I can go for an hour and practise.

  20.  #20Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 11:49 am

    Hey sirens! I have a first date with a new cd tomorrow that I met online …, but he has not confirmed. We made plans last week but have not talked since. What do I do???

  21.  #21Memulo on March 17, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Emerson – nothing;)

  22.  #22GlowStix on March 17, 2013 at 12:21 pm

    So much work to do. Feeling rush rush rushed. Feeliing meh. Feeling positive. Feeling anxious. 2 weeks until this move is over and then I can exhale and sink into how it feels tobe living 100% at my home again.

  23.  #23Olivia on March 17, 2013 at 12:22 pm

    Picking off somewhat on Tereana’s story about her Mom…

    I have a lot of trouble communicating with my Mom. I have a lot of anger towards her related to abusive men in our family. Granted, the anger towards her is probaly not “warranted” since she didn’t cause the abuse, she just “received” it badly –if that makes sense. I don’t want to sound like I’m blaming the victim. Hello, guilt.

    But the anger is there, nonetheless. Hello, anger.

    She also talks incessantly about things I’m not interested in, and it makes me feel like she doesn’t want to really communicate with me. It makes me want to cry and I get so frustrated.

    With this new found means of communicating with men that has changed my life for the better, I feel stumped about improving my means of communicating with her. I try to listen fully to her but I find it so hard –like it’s a place I just don’t want to be.

    But I want to improve all areas of communication! I want to be as happy and full of emotions as possible!

    So here I am sort of stewing in my anger after a weekend with my Mom, and sort of waiting for the anger to simmer down when it’s ready…

    Wonder what Rori would say about this…

  24.  #24Olivia on March 17, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Ugh I just want to burst into tears right now but I can’t even summon the energy!


    And feeling grateful for the Sirens sharing their stories and messages. : )

  25.  #25k2012 on March 17, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Thanks for your comment Memulo. In other words as we would say in my country,”when I reach that bridge I cross it.” Meaning if and when the problem arises I deal with it at that time. That’s true still. Memulo, I had to laugh at your response to Emerson-nothing. Lol. Emerson all u have to do is just wait and keep cding of course. I am not meeting anyone. Not even at the supermarket. Oh no. By the way Overseas cd responded to me this morning and said its a “long time.” I responded but haven’t heard from him yet. When he responds again, I will asked him if he is going to the batch reunion in August in our country.

  26.  #26BeLoved on March 17, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    fiestacd is close but no cigar so far.
    certain qualities I like, friendliness, openness…but d@mn what is it with men who want to talk about every detail of their lives? ??
    First conversation and he’s talking about why he got divorced, which i did not ask – I interrupted his loooong story to find out hes been divorced since 2007. I said that was a long time ago, can we talk about something else?

    So he told me about three times about his plans for the gym and kept talking and talking after i said im feeling like its time to get off the phone. i toldhim i was feeling antsy the third time ans i needed to get off the phone.

    he is still upset from when his ex didnt like the lingerie he bought her 10 years ago 🙂 i told him i believe a woman needs to be able to say what she wants and doesnt so a man will know better to please her, which he seemed to like hearing.

    30 minute conversation and no date. meh.
    good practice with boundaries, and i like his overall enthusiasm and attitude toward life.

    Theres a saying black men say in the south – ‘you look so good you make me wanna put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!’ Its a delicious appreciation and he looked at me like that – yeshappythankyoumoreplea

  27.  #27Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    20 memulo
    Sirens et al…
    Dominique Daria fw

    So if he does not confirm do I just not show up at the place we planned to meet ?

  28.  #28Goddess Lily on March 17, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    26 – Emerson, if there was a time and place already set, I’d probably go but have a back up plan. I’ve been in that situation but where the day and location were set but not the time and then I worried all day when I should’ve just assumed I had no plans.

  29.  #29Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 2:59 pm

    Goddess lily
    We had a time set …. It’s on my way to work but is still out of my way a bit

  30.  #30Kristina on March 17, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    I met my husband through an online dating site and he was just looking for “friendship” at the time. I think it is ok to date men who are just in the “friendship” category. Just get to know them! I think good guys post their profiles under “friendship” instead of “relationship” because they are scared of being hounded by women. They too just want to get to know a girl first, before they enter a relationship. Its smart.

    Dating doesn’t mean you hop into bed with them. Its taking the time to get to know who they are as a person and then, when they want more (i.e. sex), to say that you want a relationship. I did that and boy did he ever change his mind…from friendship to wanting to be in an exclusive relationship with me, and have both of us take down our online dating profiles!

    Yes there are scoundrels and womanizers on online dating sites, but they are everywhere….in bars, in grocery stores too. You have to be alert and take it very slow when meeting and getting to know men. The truth will come out. Its nothing to be scared of, because if you invest nothing into him, you have nothing to lose. As soon as you find out he doesn’t value you (or has another woman), you let him go. Its very simple.

    My advice for online dating is that it is ok to “wink” or “smile” ONCE, at guys you like. Then wait for them to contact you. Don’t spend a lot of time chatting, emailing or texting with them. NEVER email or text them first. Only respond back to theirs. When they email or text you, you can send a couple of emails back and forth, but very soon you have to tell them that you prefer to talk on the phone and wait for them to ask for your number. If they don’t want to call you, they are not really interested or are just looking for attention. Just ignore their subsequent texts or emails. I also asked for their phone number AFTER they asked for mine, just as a safety precaution. But I NEVER called them or emailed them. Even with my husband. He would try to text and email me and get a response from me, but I just did nothing and waited for him to CALL. He had my phone number and I knew that to build a REAL relationship, one has to do it in person! He has to want to talk to me. It has to be LIVE, not digital. You cannot build a real relationship on facebook or social networking sites either. Its fake!

    So eventually (two weeks later – yes it could take him that long to realize he has to call you if he wants to connect with you) he called me. And then we chatted on the phone a few times. Its important to chat on the phone to get to hear what a man sounds like and whether they are worth meeting. I had a few calls from a few online men, who sounded really wierd…and I said no thank you to any suggestion of meeting. It was funny with my husband. He sounded cool and normal and asked if I could come over to see him THAT NIGHT. I said “no” I can’t tonight and also that I didn’t want to drive to see him. So then he asked if I was available a few days later, and where I’d like to meet. I didn’t want to have him pick me up at my home, since I didn’t know him (never a good idea for a first date), so we agreed to meet at a local store and then walk to a restaurant nearby. My objective was to meet for an hour or so, somewhere convenient for me, and just see what he was like. That’s what I did and when I said I had to leave, he asked me out for the next weekend. I wasn’t HOT for him, but he seemed nice and I was open to getting to know him further. I’m so happy I did go out with him again, and again. I also took the time to get to know about his past, his family, his values, etc. Men who are genuine nice guys are not afraid to talk about themselves. Its good to ask questions about them, what they like, where they grew up, their favourite things, etc. Like what you would ask a friend. NOTE: Its OK (and a good idea) to ask if they are married or in a relationship or have ever committed a crime. I threw those questions out on our first date and he laughed but answered honestly. Most guys will tell you the truth, but if their answers are somewhat evasive or if they admit to being “unhappily” married or “not yet” divorced, you should end the date quickly. You have to be inquisitive and a good listener.

    All it took was me being receptive, open to his ideas, saying no to what seemed like he was moving too fast, and sitting on my hands to handle my urge to text, email or call him. Try that for a few months and you’ll be amazed at how you can advance from just a friendship to being engaged…and weed out all the bad or not so great guys at the same time so easily.

    And online dating really works! I have several friends who eventually married their online date…including myself. I think online dating is an excellent opportunity to meet people you normally wouldn’t meet in your own social circles. Its great if you do it slowly, within your local region (not people too far away – as you cannot date someone regularly at a distance) and know how to say “no” to what you don’t want. Be open to meeting new people even if their profile doesn’t match what you think you are looking for. Just get to know them! No pressure. And you have to go out with a LOT of different people before you find the one that is right for you.


  31.  #31Kristina on March 17, 2013 at 3:40 pm

    Also, I’ve been following Rori Raye and using her tools for several years now and it worked for me. I went from being single and having poor quality or imaginary relationships with men to a really healthy relationship and eventually being proposed to. I still keep coming back to Rori’s blog and website eventhough I’m married now, since it helps me connect with my feminine side and stay grounded. It has helped tremendously with my communication skills with my husband, which I lacked in my first marriage. If I only knew back then what I know now… Keep practicing Rori’s tools and read all her articles. I wish I’d been taught this stuff when I was younger…


  32.  #32April Rose on March 17, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    Hello ladies,

    I’ve been poorly – some kind of chest infection. When my lungs are unwell it brings up loads of grief for me. I cried for nearly two weeks solid!

    I thought I had lost WM for good during a low point in my illness (he was away working for nine days). It felt like a shock. When he returned I showed my delight to see him, by jumping up into his arms, hugging him and melting. He was so surprised.

    Something in me had shifted too. I felt more grown up. Returning with wisdom, from the pit of despair. Returning with acceptance – of who he is, and my admiration of him.

    We are making love again, after 18 months break!!! It feels so good to allow him into my heart and body.

    He is stepping up for me and it feels wonderful.
    To my mind, it has happened because I showed him that I cared.

  33.  #33Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 4:07 pm

    24 thanks k2012 for your reply as well. I feel irritated that he has not confirmed. I can go to the location on my way to work but normally would not stop there… So feeling grumpy and annoyed. I hope he calls or texts me today so I don’t have this weird feeling.

  34.  #34Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 4:08 pm

    April rose sorry you have not been feeling well but great news about your man…

  35.  #35Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    Blah I have this dilemma
    How can I make this easier for myself?

  36.  #36Memulo on March 17, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    I’m back from my date. Exactly one hour. Maybe this is what I needed – to show up, swirl my pretty self, let him try to impress me and reject him;)

  37.  #37Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 4:49 pm

    33 haha memulo you sound great!

  38.  #38Femininewoman on March 17, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Emerson I would prefer a confirmation too but it depends on what was said during the conversation. He might think it was confirmed. Though he could have also forgotten. I would go and wait for about 15 mins then leave if he does not show up. I normally like to confirm so he knows what I am wearing and vice versa. Just bear in mind he is entitled to change his mind. I have had a first date in the past who seemed eager but never showed up. I went and was concerned about him driving by looking at me and laughing. I decided I wouldn’t even bother to be angry when he did show up because I had backup plans. When he contacted me the next day I just did not entertain him. Told him point blank it felt weird and like something was off so no.

  39.  #39Femininewoman on March 17, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    Memulo you sound great.

  40.  #40Olivia on March 17, 2013 at 5:23 pm

    “Whoopie, Terry – you are doing FANTASTIC!!! It does get chaotic when you’re transitioning and transforming your life…just keep doing what you’re doing, and practicing. The water gets muddy, then it gets clear, then it gets muddy again. That signals growth…and that’s what you want. Love, Rori”

    This makes me feel better.

    Things will keep coming clearer and clearer over the long run.

  41.  #41Olivia on March 17, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    More that is just so YESSSS:

    “Just keep doing what you’re doing, and now – because you’ve had some great results – you have a new wrinkle: you’re going to have to be very aware of the “Be Surprised” part of the Rori Raye Mantra so you don’t instinctively start focusing on the results.

    This is a traditional, classic actor’s issue.

    The first take is spontaneous, it just happens. After that – you want to RECREATE the magic that resulted.

    But you have more and more “takes.”

    The director wants it done over and over because of the light, the camera, etc.

    The actor starts trying to remember what they did that worked, and then it becomes stiff, forced, planned.

    The goal here for all of us is to just experience and use the Tools fresh and new each time – let past results go out of your head and heart and body, and just look for the new messages, the new lessons, the new experiences.”

  42.  #42Olivia on March 17, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    I was so *SURPRISED* after the first month of playing with the tools….I don’t think I’ll forget it for many many years how amazing it was.

    And I was forgetting to be surprised. Maybe not just with my man, but with my Mom, I can learn to be surprised by saying different things…and seeing what happens. Cause what I’ve been doing is obviously not working.


  43.  #43Memulo on March 17, 2013 at 5:27 pm

    Emerson if you don’t hear from him you could not go tomorrow and if he complains to say you need a phone call with the confirmation.

  44.  #44Memulo on March 17, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    Thank you ladies;)

  45.  #45Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 5:31 pm

    Thanks fw and memulo. I will go and see if he shows up I guess it won’t hurt.

  46.  #46Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 7:39 pm

    Gosh I feel so blah and pouty and lonely 🙁
    I hate when I feel this way!
    I feel like when I express it to the people in my life they shut me out 🙁
    Sometimes I feel very isolated.
    I don’t know who to reach out to…
    I feel sad like a little girl 🙁

  47.  #47Violette on March 17, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    I had the burning need to call T back again tonight, and so I actually did it. I did it in the name of practicing flirting and being open with someone I know I’m attracted to…letting go of the past and forgiving, being in the present.

    We talked for a bit, thank God he didn’t ask me what I was doing tonight because I would have been tempted…and he suggested lunch the next time he’s in town. I am relieved he suggested something so safe, because I felt safer.

    I don’t know how I feel about it right now, I definitely feel all tied up in it, a little dazed with a need to cleanse something so I can focus on something else…

    I promise myself to stay kind and accepting of myself and love myself every step of the way.

  48.  #48Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 8:55 pm

    Good for you violette!

  49.  #49Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    Oh I’m terrible at CDing right now ….
    I feel needy and frustrated so I’m shutting everyone out…/-( ack

  50.  #50Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    Hmm how can I handle this differently … Getting downward spiral feeling and it’s very hard to shift perspective ….
    I would really like to though …
    I’m realizing how strong some triggers are ….
    They are very powerful ..

  51.  #51Emerson on March 17, 2013 at 9:41 pm

    Maybe the triggers don’t have to be powerful…

  52.  #52Vi on March 17, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    When I feel nervous, like now, I bend shoulders and avoid eye contact.. I am sending myself a big Valentine and vote for me. hehe 🙂

  53.  #53Daria on March 18, 2013 at 1:09 am

    I’m feeling needy ! Sexy neighbor came to fix my car today and Did… And so now I’m driving after two and a half years…

    But I want to be made love to and sexy neighbor and sexuCD were in my fantasiez and that feels a bit in satisfying at moment…

    I want a massage! I want to be touched!

    I feel hot and untouched with undishcarged energy

  54.  #54Linda on March 18, 2013 at 3:26 am

    Sometimes I feel blocked and frozen.

    When life demands masculine action, the feminine gets quashed

    I have figured out the demands of my everyday life which require me to be in masculine mode; single parenting, taking care of elderly parents, needy friends, teaching all exhaust my feminine reserve.

    Without the constant receiving of masculine energy, the feminine atrophies, with nothing to feed on. This is the burn out

    I love that I have the strength to care of those around me

    I feel undeserving of the same attention

    I feel unworthy and small

    I love my weakness
    I want to be big

    I want to lean back and relax and drink in the softness and warmth I crave

  55.  #55Emerson on March 18, 2013 at 5:19 am

    Daria that’s great about the car!

    Sirens the new cd I had plans with today cancelled via text last night.
    I feel relieved and irritated at the same time. I blocked him on the dating site and plan to never speak to him.

  56.  #56Emerson on March 18, 2013 at 5:32 am

    I find it hard to express what is actually bothering me… For example with exoticCD it took me two days to figure out how to verbalize what was bothering me. I feel frustrated with my slow processing time.

  57.  #57Tam on March 18, 2013 at 5:39 am

    Hello Ladies!!
    I am still alive..just been really busy and also took a break from the blog, it just felt natural. And I have to say it is maybe because this blog is for Ladies who want a relationship. I have decided for myself, that I am not at this stage right now.
    I made the decision to concentrate and focus 100% on myself (and really focus on myself, no dating, no internet dating, no correspondence with old loves thinking someone might step up – ZERO).
    And guess what?! I never felt so good.
    I feel light, free, no cares, no complications, no ‘will he/won’t he’ etc etc. And I have so much time for my interests, my jobs, my fitness. I feel like a new person, like I flicked a switch – and it just happened by itself.
    I haven’t been totally out of the dating pool, I am occasionally seeing a nice guy who is divorced and has two kids, which is not at all my scene and I don’t want to develop this, but he treats me very well and for the time being is good company. This maybe once a week.
    I think it all came to a head when I had spent a weekend with Curly, and he went on to meet a male friend, so he said, for breakfast. It later transpired that he met with the friend (who is also my friend) and his girlfriend. So I asked him in a way why just the three of them, it seemed strange. He admitted that there was another woman (a female ‘friend’ who was all over him at Christmas time). So he had been leaving my place to go on a double date and I had not even been invited. I had enough of it and didn’t want to hear the ‘story’, because yes, my other friend may have arranged that – and what does that say of him and my friendship with him?
    I dropped them both. And really, all I said was that I am not intending to sleep with/date a man who goes on double dates with other women.
    He never tried to make up with me, so that was that.
    This was one of the reasons I found myself ‘happy again’ (isn’t that strange?!). I decided ‘no more of this bs’.
    The other thing was that, as you might remember, I had kinda reconnected with MrP…he was saying we’d go to a sports event when he gets back….and then we will go boating…bla bla BLA.
    He never came through.
    Surprise, surprise. To top it, in our email conversations he started to be condescending, implying that in order to make money I have to take more risks and that I ‘don’t understand’. By the way, he is the one with financial problems, not me.
    Again, something in me just flicked. No more feeling messages other than ‘I feel pissed off by reading that’ and I just let him have it. That I don’t need to be told I don’t understand by someone who has creditors knocking on his door.
    We had another couple of email exchanges, and he showed his arrogance and ignorance on another topic also, making comments as if I had lived on the moon for the past 20 years etc. So I let him have it again. And it scared him off, I have not heard since.
    I feel really happy about this.
    I thought the sun shines out of his arse, and now I see things for what they are. Also speaking to one of our common friends….he managed to make it up here to see me (MrP didn’t), I got a clearer picture of what is going on. And it’s not a pretty picture.

    And now I am free of all that…and free to start again…and I really decided I shouldn’t be on this blog just because I feel so happy not dating and not being in a relationship. No more questioning myself. No more crafting out feeling messages to get my point/authenticity through to guys that couldn’t give a damn. No more waiting for someone to step up, or even just secretly hoping.
    OMG, now I have so many plans for my life and new ventures. And I don’t want to blend my life with anyone right now – AT ALL.
    I feel happy alone. Really, really happy.
    I don’t feel lonely anymore at all.
    How’s that?

  58.  #58Vi on March 18, 2013 at 5:40 am

    My inner safety system feels alarmed. MH ate a yoghurt with a past date being aware of that and being aware that it felt bad to me. My on the spot speech: wooh.. I feel unsafe, I see you risking your health and I feel like my time and peace of heart and mind are at risk. I don’t want to feel that way with a life partner.. then left the room. -Grumbling…
    I distinguished numbness, my cheeks hot, rage, headache, compassion to myself, hate towards a man… panic, fear. I love my fear!
    And I did great, I am a Siren in training, right?.. I feel so proud I could stay warm to my feelings. I would feel better if I could feel and be warmer towards MH too and start with ‘MH, I love you’ ..well, the next time I will.. (I love my defensiveness!) hehe mmm my new boundary feels yum and cozy… and headache is gone.. hehe I love me! I love my inner mama taking care of her inner child.. it feels so cute… awww…

  59.  #59Tam on March 18, 2013 at 5:46 am

    Also, I have become more ‘ruthless’ about my own needs and assertiveness. I get treated like a child by a lot of people, especially when I call into offices, latterly an estate agent. I look young and I hardly ever dress in suit or formal.
    I am not putting up with it anymore now. I used to just smile and be nice. Last time it happened, I nicely interrupted the guy and told him that I was well aware of what he was going to tell me and to just please furnish me with what I had kindly asked him, as I was in a rush.
    I am not being rude about it, but assertive. I feel strong and like the time has come to shed this child-like aura around me. I can’t change the way I look but I can change the way I conduct myself.
    Also, there are some guys on my fb that have been annoying me for a while, making inappropriate comments. I will just delete them now.
    Really, I feel it is enough of being the nicey nicey tolerant person, without actually liking it. If you get my gist.
    Outwardly nice and inwardly cringing at the comments that they make when they are drunk?
    Enough of that.
    Time to grow up for me and bite the bullet.

  60.  #60Tam on March 18, 2013 at 5:49 am

    55 Vi..I eat out of date yoghurts all the time. As long as they smell ok and were closed, they are usually good, as yoghurt is a fermented product already.
    That just to put your mind at ease about this particular issue…
    Unless it was, like months and months out of date….I am talking about a week or two.. 😉

  61.  #61Vi on March 18, 2013 at 5:52 am

    I feel thankful to the Universe for a professional teacheer who suggested to help me with my English if I help him to master the language I speak. I feel so happy and the Universe feels so abundant! And I feel better about myself too as there is someone very smart who values the language I speak and my knowledge too.. seeking for approval ffeels sad though but it’s okay. I love my feeling of self-consious-ness. I am sending a Valentine to it. It feels like my self love is being questioned.. and I answer to this question.. by voting for me. I love me deeply.

  62.  #62Vi on March 18, 2013 at 6:03 am

    Hehe thanks Tam 🙂 1,5 days.. and I’ve got a feeling it will be okay ))
    Yoghurts and even the ‘outcome’ 🙂 are not really that important.. it’s MH’s business and not my responsibility. What felt important and intresting is the intensity of feelings that led even to a headache. There is defenitely smth here for me to explore!

  63.  #63Vi on March 18, 2013 at 6:18 am

    Actually I think there is a pattern when I look for things to compare myself with and lose. And prove to myself that that exclusive-with-me person doesn’t give a s*hit about me. Like ‘youghurt is more important to you than I am!’ The game is played in a commited relationship and played with the only goal to lose. and I learned it.. from my mom.. hehe what a surprise.. and it was a game we played until I became a teen and be able to male for a living by myself.. woohoo congratulations Vi for uncovering one more pattern! As long as I am aware that I am playing this game, I can stop 🙂 I feel my face beaming with happy smiles! I feel powerful hehe

  64.  #64IamHis on March 18, 2013 at 6:48 am

    “It made me feel like I don’t want to give him any attention again EVER. Like I need to pay him back for the way I feel. I feel that I want him to be unhappy with her. You see its just the opposite of what I’m achieving with other guys!!”

    I SO relate to this. How do you deal with these feelings? Ignoring the guy seems immature. I feel really exposed and awful and not good enough around him. Like he won “the game” or something, and I’m still playing.

    SMC got engaged. I’m really glad I cut things off with him when I did, because I don’t even feel that bad about it. He reminded me so much of Big Heartache, it felt right to cut things off with him.

    At first, I felt angry. Then, I felt sad. Then, I felt something new. If he doesn’t see my value, WHY IN THE WORLD would I want him? If he is going to choose her over me, THAT SAYS NOTHING ABOUT ME.

    I feel stronger. I also feel scared. I’m still not dating very much. I feel isolated from his group, even though when he’s gone, I feel almost confident around his group of friends. I feel respected.

    These are all new feelings.

    I really, really want a masculine man, who will take the lead.

    I really, really, really want to keep working on myself.

    I can do this.
    I can do this.
    I can do this.

  65.  #65Vi on March 18, 2013 at 7:21 am

    Beautiful Goddesses, there is a new thread up

  66.  #66Emerson on March 18, 2013 at 7:31 am

    Hi ladies…
    Wow tam I feel so impressed reading your posts. So awesome and inspiring to hear about your shift and non tolerance of bs. I feel inspired actually and it’s just what I needed to hear right now… I fall into nice on the outside and cringe on the inside more a.k.a. Feeling stuffing…
    Especially with a guy I like !!!!
    I intend to change this,, if tam can do it so can I!

  67.  #67Memulo on March 18, 2013 at 7:31 am


    I can relate to what you’re feeling. Disappearing cd still makes me feel so rejected. I still feel angry at myself at times for being so passive with him. I still feel hurt that if we ever run into each other it will be too late and all the feelings will be gone and that he is committed and happy and I am a little no one. I feel scared that even if my guess is right and my one-time date told him I was still alone and looking ‘to fall in love’ 4 months after he disappeared on me, I will be perceived as a complete loser. Or just not good enough.
    At the same time, it makes me want to improve my communication skills and my abilities to take an action when needed.

  68.  #68Emerson on March 18, 2013 at 7:34 am

    Tam I feel I spired about your assertiveness with people treating you like a child… And the comments from mr P…good for you standing your ground…

  69.  #69Tam on March 18, 2013 at 7:46 am

    Hey Emerson, I feel warm reading your comments.
    Thank you.
    I also feel apprehensive in a way..because sometimes I wonder whether I have just pushed it all away due to some fear of intimacy on my part.
    But, actually, I don’t think so. Because deep down I feel that I pushed all the ‘bs’ away because it was damaging me. A guy with a harem of women, who goes after a double date after spending the weekend with me – that fuels my insecurities..I don’t need that.
    MrP with his empty promises, and always on the lookout for his dream woman…which I am clearly not, else he’d have at least tried to see me.
    You know, I feel very much in masculine energy right now and wish them all ‘good luck’ – and move on. And it feels very freeing and empowering…no more questioning myself ‘maybe I said/did the wrong thing’.
    Maybe I should bring it back to me.
    I spent the past few months working on myself and bringing it back to me. And at the same time, I am done trying to make a silk purse out of sow’s ears, you know? I am taking it back to them now:
    ‘your guys behaviour is NOT for me’
    Maybe that is fear of intimacy, but I like to see it as I have made my choices now.
    I feel better right now.
    That’s what counts!

  70.  #70Tam on March 18, 2013 at 7:49 am

    And also, the feeling messages have made guys stick around more that shouldn’t have – MrP. Ever since I stopped the feeling messages, and just spoke what came to my mind – he disappeared.
    I should have done that a year ago.
    Really. Colossal waste of time/effort/nerves.
    I learnt my lesson.. 🙂

  71.  #71Emerson on March 18, 2013 at 8:32 am

    67 Tam I know what you mean when it feels like a waste of time but its not because it made you stronger ….

  72.  #72Tam on March 18, 2013 at 8:40 am

    Thanks Emerson…I guess so! 🙂

  73.  #73Emerson on March 18, 2013 at 9:00 am

    It’s the same bs I get from recycledCD as your mrP….
    Future taking and hot and cold … But when boundaries are drawn he poofs…
    *Shrug* I feel more like who cares Bout that now

  74.  #74IamHis on March 18, 2013 at 9:07 am

    (((Memulo))) – I feel sad that one man can have such a negative impact on your self-esteem. You are the prize, and a precious one, at that. If he’s married, and you’re still single down the road, remember, the best things in life are worth waiting for, and take time.

    Would you rather be married 3 months from now, and divorced 3 years down the road, or happily married 3 years from now, with a forever kind of love? This kind of perspective always helps me. <3

  75.  #75Rori Raye on March 18, 2013 at 10:06 am

    Kristina, Welcome, and thank you so much for the helpful post. If you have any interest in becoming a relationship coach after your own success, please let me know: melanie@coachrori.com. I’ve got a program to certify coaches in the works, and would love to mentor coaches who specialize in online dating. I’m going to publish your comment as a post, also – because I think it’s helpful and inspiring. Love, Rori

  76.  #76Rori Raye on March 18, 2013 at 10:11 am

    Veronica, Welcome, and so glad for your comment. Please know that none of us get real, long-lasting love without first discovering what love is and isn’t in a way that seems like “the hard way.” It’s all very specific to us personally, and we can’t learn about ourselves without SOME trial-and-error (all my work is to help you need less trial-and-error than I endured). For me, the pain of loss is not under our control, has earmarks of the “divine” on it, and so makes us deeper, more able to feel and have compassion for ourselves and others – and that just increases your chances for the love you want if you don’t “shut down” around it. Love, Rori

  77.  #77MovingMagic on March 18, 2013 at 10:28 am

    Tam, I can relate with you on the looking young part. My date last night made a comment about how he keeps forgetting my age because I look so young. He said he would peg me for about 8-10 years younger than I actually am. I dress funky & colorful, I’m petite & athletic. It all adds up. I’ve started taking it as a compliment. I don’t act young & have boundaries. Tam, we’ll be grateful when we’re hot 60 year olds. Hehe. 😉

  78.  #78Tam on March 18, 2013 at 10:29 am

    73 Emerson, seems we arrived at the same point…
    the ‘shrugging shoulders’ place is a good place to be in, with guys like that.
    I wouldn’t say no if he took me out on the boat or to the sports event ‘as promised’, but it would all be on my terms and boundaries.
    So it’s totally unlikely to happen and at this point, honestly, I couldn’t care less. I feel bored by it all.

  79.  #79Tam on March 18, 2013 at 10:36 am

    77, mm, that made me smile.
    People kept telling me when I was 25 and looked like 12, that I should be grateful too…and yes, to a certain extent I am super grateful.
    I am just tired of being patronised and treated like a kid when I call into a business or anything semi-professional. I used to just sit and smile and let it wash over me…but the accumulative effect of that has left me with a little anger. To be honest with you. Sometimes when people assume you are stupid/young/inexperienced, it actually works to your advantage, but most times not so.
    I feel a little tired of having to assert myself and being judged by my looks all the time.
    I have a friend who is very tall and imposing and loud. She doesn’t have that problem. Wherever she goes, people take her seriously, treat her with respect, she gets served first etc. The difference is astonishing.
    And it also spills into dating. Most men think I am a little demure girl and get a huge shock when they realise that I have a great education, am witty, have standards and stand up for myself – and am not moulded to their requirements.
    I am nearly 40 and get called ‘little girl’ etc.
    I think I finally had it now.
    The next person who calls me a little girl gets smacked lol 😉

  80.  #80Veronica on March 18, 2013 at 12:03 pm

    Thank you Rori for your reply, I appreciate it. It feels so comforting to read your words and to feel understood. I’m trying to direct my focus on not shutting down. This is going to sound strange but before I found this blog I didn’t want to identify as feminine/ female/woman – like it wasn’t something to be inspired about, rather it felt like an identity that seemed so burdened by pain. I was tentatively going through the posts on this website for the past nine months because I really so badly wanted to be sure that this positive and inspiring femininity that seemed to exist in this blog and in the posts wasn’t delusional wishing on my part. For now, it feels healthy for me to just try the tools – that would be success enough. : ) For a few months I’ve been imagining myself just being anywhere and tapping into myself, and it doesn’t matter if I’m alone. As long as I can do the tools.

    I did get to practice the feeling messages for a couple of months while I was in the relationship but now there’s no temptation for a desired outcome because I’m alone.

    I do feel this new sensitivity growing inside of me as a result of practicing fm – I’m not sure but it feels like my focus is more attuned to how people are with me and what I think they need. But the body is slow – at least mine feels like it is and I feel I have to be patient with myself. For now I feel positive about my situation but I know the feelings are there waiting to be triggered.

    I’m sorry that I’m not very interactive with the other posts on here – I really feel I need to just be by myself and go through the process. I am in need of some sense of myself before I can interact with people – I’ve been like that for a week or so offline as well. Take care

  81.  #81Violette on March 18, 2013 at 12:19 pm

    Thanks Emerson, it’s nice to hear something supportive.

    I love hearing what you have to say Tam. What could be better than being entirely focused on my own happiness? And freeing myself from dead end energy drains. I believe it’s a very important inner quality to be able to walk away when I know all there is to know, it might be the main thing I am working on right now, to walk away and be done instead of continuing to hang into something that is draining.

    And I love what you say about not tolerating being treated like a kid. I’m 34 and I’m usually taken to be 23…and in dating men are always surprised that I’m someone serious, and in work I feel like people want to put a “student”label on me, when I’ve been busting my butt as a professional for a very long time. The answer lies in me, in taking myself so seriously and in being a serious person…anyway glad to relate!

  82.  #82Tam on March 18, 2013 at 12:29 pm

    Violette..aw I loved reading your post 🙂

  83.  #83Femininewoman on March 18, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Yes Turquoise. Confidence.

  84.  #84Tereana on March 19, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Veronica – Welcome to the blog! You sound awesome, and feeling pain and sadness would be completly normal, coming out of a two-year relationship. It’s so good that you’re here!

    And I love “NATO” too ; ) I wish I could take credit for that, but I totally didn’t make it up. I don’t know who did. but it certainly makes “foreign policy” a lot more interesting! 🙂

  85.  #85Tereana on March 19, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    Okay, here is a weird question that’s just popped into my head…

    First, I’ll give you some background on where this is coming from. Right now I am reading a book about a woman who survived horrific abuse as a child, and developed “Dissociative Identity Disorder” as a result, and didn’t remember any of the abuse at the time, or for most of her life. When the memories starting coming back to her, they were very painful.

    The weird thing for me is that, reading the book, I can identify with many of her feelings and sensations, and the way that she learned to relate to her life. For example, feeling “numb” a lot of the time, and shutting down in certain situations. I definitely know that I do that. And I also know that certain people, who have a certain type of look, maybe a smell (though I’m not sure), or talk a certain way, can “trigger” me into feeling uncomfortable, creepy and weird in ways that I find difficult to explain or justify.

    But one thing she talked about – which I’m not sure if I identify with or not – is how her condition in some ways made her a “target” to certain men as she was growing up.

    And this leads to my question:

    What, if anything, is the difference between being a “target” and being “attractive.” Because, really, if you think about it, we are being sirens and leaning back because we are attempting to cultivate an aspect of ourselves that would MAKE us a “target.” That is, a target of a man’s affection, attention and desire. And yet, there is a way in which we could be in ourselves – or rather, not be in ourselves, which is part of the dissociation issue, for me – where we would inspire attention from a man, but not the “good” kind of attention.

    Do you know what I mean?

    And I still believe that I am not done healing. I’m actually not even sure that I’ve healed at all, because I’m not 100% sure what I am supposed to have been healed FROM, although I do feel that I’ve learned better coping and managing skills over the years (and still working on it).

    So I’m aware that I have trouble, when it comes to men, and differentiating between “good attention” and “bad attention.” Sometimes it’s obvious. But there are other times where any kind of attention feels Fabulous. I will feel rapt, entranced, transfixed – almost like a cobra with a snake charmer. I’m just moving to the music, and I think I’m enjoying it, but I don’t really know what at all is going on. And later on, it could turn out that the guy was totally awful and not loving me at all. But I’m not sure it has anything to do with love. Or illusion. It’s like something else entirely.

    Am I nuts, or does this strike a chord with anyone. Maybe Dominique or someone can weigh in on something like this. I don’t think I’m crazy. But I’m really curious what other people think of the difference between being a “target” and being the target of “attraction.”


  86.  #86Tereana on March 19, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    Olivia – Thank you for sharing that about your mom! (23)

    And I can actually really relate to the feelings, even though I don’t know all of the details. And I think I know where that anger comes from (partly). At least for me, I know that, somewhere inside me, in this part where I really care about my mom as a person and don’t want her to be treated badly, I feel pain when I see her not acting in a “strong” way. I feel pain and frustration when it seems that other forces are affecting her in a negative way, and I don’t want that to happen, but I feel small and helpless and can’t do anything to stop it. Never mind the fact that you really can’t choose what anyone else’s reaction is going to be. So, to watch your mom tolerate abuse from men in the family would be painful, and would make you angry, because it could feel like betrayal. You are trusting her to be a strong person, who could potentially also defend you from these men, or not. And if she doesn’t, then you feel more vulnerable, more weak, and at risk for having to receive abuse from them as well.

    This is mostly speculation, but does that make sense to you at all?

    And my mom has some of those same communication patterns – talking on and on about things in her life, which don’t interest me at all, and never asking me about anything that is going on in my life.

    And here’s where I laugh in a somewhat non-humorous way. If I ever ask her to stop, and to pay attention to me and ask what’s going on with me, she’ll do it. But in this awkward way that makes me feel HORRIBLE. First she’ll stop talking. Then she’ll act all hurt, like I’ve just insulted her by not wanting to listen to all the “fun” things going on in her life. And then she’ll pretend to be all attentive, but it’s way too much. She’ll swallow whatever she was saying, and then she’ll turn the spotlight on me, full blast. She’ll go, “Okay. So what’s going on with YOU?” And then silence. And it’s so awkward, and such a broad question, that I have no answer. Especially since the only reason she asked is because I requested is, so I know that she doesn’t really care, or at least that’s how it feels. It feels fake, put on.

    Ugh. Yeah, the anger. I hate it. I wish I didn’t feel this way. I wish that I could feel peace toward her, or maybe just nothing. Maybe one day, when I am a billionairess, and have no cause for dependency, I can be way more blasé about her issues, and then I can get into a conversation with her and not care how it goes. But right now, I can think of no good way to communicate with her. So I just don’t.

  87.  #87k2012 on March 19, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    Kristina, your comments about online dating are really helpful. Thank u so much for that advice. Those of us into online dating, I am sure will appreciate it. The guy who I met via our alumni says he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. Instantly I knew it was a red flag. We went to school together but didn’t know each other at the time. So our classmates on facebook introduced us. I call him Overseas cd. We hit it off right away but from I hear that he doesn’t like to talk on the phone, I gradually lost interest. Other ladies, he (overseas cd) responded again yesterday and said he is working really hard, etc. etc. So that’s it for hailing him up. Just said hi. No longer interested. I would rather meet a man face to face at this point before I go back to online dating. Although I am on a few dating sites, I hardly use the service as I am bored with the online/social networking scene.

  88.  #88k2012 on March 19, 2013 at 10:28 pm

    I am up working. I just completed a horrendous deadline and have another one to meet which is tomorrow. I am not finished my work so I won’t meet it. Earlier today I was really pissed. While I certainly give God the glory that I have a job, (some people don’t have any), I really feel utterly frustrated at job and I am looking forward to the day when I will move on. Your work ur solecase off and nobody cares if u are sick or u are stressed. The only thing I can do is pray that God will make a way for me to get out of this. To say oi am tired is an understood.

  89.  #89Libelula on March 19, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    I’d like to share my celebration with you! Since I stopped having contact with Mr UnA at the beginning of this month, I’ve been trying to focus on practicing the tools, working on myself, focusing on my job & life and listening to more of Rori’s audios. I recently finished Sirens & have been listening to Commitment Blueprint. Mr UnA recontacted me tonight and I just kept it light, then when he wanted to go down an old “path,” I told him no. I basically said “it feels good to hear from you, but it doesn’t feel good to go down this road with you again.” I said good night and hung up.

    I did it! I really did! I don’t know if I can last as long as needed, but tonight I took care of myself and listened to my intuition. And I’m really happy that I didn’t cave like I usually do & give in.

  90.  #90Mandy on March 24, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Well…My year of Rori Raye Siren training has paid off.

    I had my eye on the hot guy and I circular dated riffed and riffed, kept telling him how I feel…and loved him no matter what…and kept my eye on the prize (comittment.)

    …and he finally asked me for a committed relationship the question after 6 months! HE asked ME! 🙂

    Thanks Rori, you weren’t kidding when you said “you can have any man you want”. This man didn’t even want a relationship ever again when I first met him and now he wants to be with me forever! 🙂

    I feel so happy!

  91.  #91Jessie1000 on March 30, 2013 at 5:36 am

    My friend did my tarot cards and said I will meet my soul mate and he will be fatherly to me and older and take care of me…she said he was your lover in your past lives…lol I said thanks alot…to me thats like telling me tomorrow your going to get a flat tire…
    No luck yet, will keep you posted.

  92.  #92Baerbel on March 30, 2013 at 10:09 am

    Just read Kristina’s advise re on line dating.
    Excellent advise – I will put it into practice. I am 72 years young and did everything “wong” according to Rori’s rules….in my last relationship and all the others (only had 3 others after my marriage). From now on I will be practicing what I have read. Thank you Kristina.Baerbel

  93.  #93Maurene on April 9, 2013 at 11:16 am

    I gave up the goods too soon and am feeling like an idiot. I really like this guy and he says he likes me, but now he doesn’t want to go out anymore. So I’ve closed shop and testing him.

  94.  #94Rori Raye on April 9, 2013 at 2:39 pm

    Maurene – There is no blame here for you to put on yourself. Sex only has the meaning we give it. Please move on. Love, Rori