A Love Quote

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031- 250“When life gets you down, improvise as if crawling was part of the choreography.” โ€• Iveta Cherneva

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  1.  #1Lisa on September 11, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Is this the new thread?

    Anyways Barry Price has this on his newsletter…

    @MMMyer I thought you might find it interesting as of our convo about shrinking down..

    “One of the most common patterns I encounter women struggling with is true, authentic expression of who they are when around men. Especially the men who matter the most to them.

    Living vibrantly, in joy and love, begins with authentic expression, without being limited by hidden fear or self-consciousness. ”

    I would add Especially with men I very attracted to…

    OXOX



  2.  #2Femininewoman on September 11, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    Wow



  3.  #3Millie on September 11, 2013 at 1:05 pm

    Wow also



  4.  #4April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Hmm,
    I feel a little cheated, like Rori has given us crumbs here.
    It’s been ten days since her last posting.

    This is a current theme for me with WM. Haven’t seen him for two weeks, but I do get the odd call or text.

    I guess this highlights that I should be living a fantastic full life, so much so that I don’t notice the scarcity of calls from WM or postings from Rori.

    I need to circular date other coaches, like FW and some of you ladies do!!!



  5.  #5Luzydel on September 11, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    AR #4

    lol funny you mention that, I think this is a great post by Rory! sometimes you can say a lot with a few words if people are really listening ๐Ÿ˜‰

    And I haven’t seen any of my dates for almost a month and I am feeling great! hmm If Fling text me, I respond gracefully; he mentioned meeting this weekend I say sounds lovely let me know, but I don’t force it any more nor will I get angry lol.

    Sometimes less is better!



  6.  #6Luzydel on September 11, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    Found a great free site better thatn POF…www.evow.com



  7.  #7April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 4:23 pm

    Luzydel,
    I feel light and fuzzy-sweet reading your comment.
    You sound so happy and content.

    I can shift myself to that mood, especially easily by tuning into your vibe. It feels nice.

    I think I might be bored. Lol!
    I can write from various parts of me, like in my post just there. Mild dissatisfaction can be a habit of mine.

    I feel better being lighter and more content. It makes my heart feel more like a strawberry!

    Thanks Luzydel ๐Ÿ™‚



  8.  #8Dominique on September 11, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    April Rose – If you want more to read, I posted this today.

    http://sexandheart.com/bringing-your-lessons-inside

    xxoo



  9.  #9Tereana on September 11, 2013 at 4:58 pm

    This is such a great post! Shortest post from Rori ever!! Lol. ๐Ÿ™‚



  10.  #10April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 5:00 pm

    Thank you Dominique,

    What you wrote in your article has re-affirmed my conviction that taking more and more care of myself will have the effect of either:
    1. He will step up and be more caring, or
    2. He will fade away.
    I await with curiosity to see which one it will be!



  11.  #11Dominique on September 11, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    April Rose – ๐Ÿ™‚

    xxoo



  12.  #12April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    I want to implement Byron Katie’s method now, to every thought or surreptitious belief I have.

    And ask, do I absolutely know this to be true.

    A lot of the complaining I do about WM I will put to this test.

    Example. He isn’t very kind. Is this true? Yes. Do I know this to be absolutely true? No.

    When has he been kind? When he gave me money for petrol so I cold travel to see my friends. When he cooked me a late meal when I returned from those travels.

    Who would I be without the belief? I wouldn’t be so constantly questioning if I was with the right person. I’d feel more peaceful and trusting.

    Turn it around. He is very kind.
    I’m not very kind. I have mean thoughts about him!



  13.  #13April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 5:11 pm

    Who would I be without the belief “He is wrong for me?”

    MUCH LESS ANXIOUS!!!!!!
    I’d be getting on with my life, focussing on my work and my contribution!!! No longer niggling and obsessing over my relationship!!!



  14.  #14April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    “He is wrong for me”

    There is absolutely NO WAY I can know this to be true (despite astrology reports backing it up, my intuition, and my feelings! Ha!)

    I am with him, so how can this belief be true!



  15.  #15April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Answering my own negativity with positive examples feels REALLY SOOTHING!!!

    “I’m wasting time” is my latest nagging thought.
    Yet I have a hundred examples of my time well-spent.



  16.  #16April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Oh crumbs, I just realised what it looks like turned around:

    “I am wrong for me”

    Gulp. Now what?



  17.  #17Melanie Murphy Myer on September 11, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    Lisa, thanks so much for the quote. Just last night I used that word “self-conscious” when describing to a friend how I felt around a man that “matters.”



  18.  #18April Rose on September 11, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    Oh, yeah, examples of how it’s not true.

    I am right for me because I feed myself and wash myself and look after my environment.

    I am right for me because I am encouraging myself to move towards my calling.

    I am right for me because I am open to my vulnerability and authenticity and integrity.

    I am right for me because I will not permit anyone to abuse me. And because I want the best for me.

    I am right for me because I forgive myself, and I will not abandon myself.

    I am right for me because i love myself.



  19.  #19Luzydel on September 11, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    CaptainCD is flirting over text with me lol… and FlingCd (i may chage his name) is also flirting lol men! I need more CD’s just not from POF right now! Ahh and at work there is this cute guy… but found out his married ๐Ÿ™



  20.  #20Luzydel on September 11, 2013 at 6:21 pm

    You’re welcome AR!

    No matter what you do or who you date, just don’t loose yourself!



  21.  #21Lisa on September 11, 2013 at 6:39 pm

    I shared this on facebook the other day…

    “When we stop trying to control, change or fix people and simply love them, right where they’re at….miracles happen….”

    I know this but keep forgetting it… and I’m still working on it…

    “R”called and apologized for Friday night.. said he had anxiety about the date.. and that he needed time to figure out what it was.. said your so beautiful and he had built up these expectations about me before he came down and realized that the emotions weren’t there. and if only being beautiful was all he needed and that I was kind and sweet.. but that it wasn’t there for him….. I was so touched that I almost cried… (there was absolutely no rejection there for me – this man loved me enough to tell me the truth)

    I told him I felt the same way. I was confused on Friday and knew it was a hard day for him and I didn’t want to bring it up.. That I had, had no expectations for him, and that I’m so touched that he called me that was so sweet and that most guys wouldn’t. He said your just so sweet and I wanted it so bad. If I could take the emotions out of it, it would be wonderful. I said it takes so much more than that to make a relationship. I told him we could be friends and he said that he would like that.

    I couldn’t believe it but I actually had attraction for him in those moments on the phone. B/c in my heart I want a man that is that honest, and open and caring. He said to me, I don’t want to hurt you, your a wonderful person, and I’m sorry it took me several days to sort out what I was feeling. I almost cried…

    Wow… too bad we just weren’t’ feeling it for each other… b/c that is the type man I want! Honest! says it like it is… and can say it!

    So, he said he’d call me when he moves down.. here…

    Well now I’ve had first hand experience when the sexual kicks in b/c there isn’t anything else there.. I was aware of it the exact moment it happened for me… and I bet he is too when it happened for him… hence the comments he made.

    I sobbed after he called… I’m still crying over it… I understand him.. I want it so bad too…

    I haven’t ever been “the one” or had the “one” …. and I wonder if it will ever happen for me. I’m just heartbroken inside b/c I’ve been so patient and worked so hard on myself, so hard… and I’m so loving and honest and non-judemental… and I have so much to offer a good man… that’s right for me… and yet he isn’t here… lots of tears, tears……

    I really in my heart thought “M” was the one… I guess I don’t know …. I was wrong…

    @ Zara that video has just blown me away today. I cannot thank you enough for posting it… it was exactly what I needed.. no mistakes…

    @AprilRose you go girl!!! bust those beliefs… <3

    OXOXO



  22.  #22Elsie on September 11, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    HI all Sirens!!!

    Its been so long but so much has happened and I need advice/help.

    So, as you know, things are going fantastic with CollegeCD โ€“ we are talking about the future โ€“ and he is totally rowing the boat. He is in love with me and our future is bright. There is nothing to complain about -he is attentive, and loving and patient and kind and FUN. He has a wonderful job, is a great father, he is emotionally available, exceptionally handsome, loves my friends, etc etc.

    Here it comes. Sit down everyone.

    GS showed up at my doorstep last Sunday night unannounced. He hasnt eaten or slept well in weeks apparently. I had no idea even though I work near him. He was a mess. He loves me, and wants me back. Wow. He came to church looking for me in the morning but I wasnt there (He is an atheist) and then looked for me at the later service. So he ended up on my doorstep after my children were asleep.

    He says he made a huge mistake. He loves me so much and didnt let me know it โ€“ didnt let me see it enough โ€“ took me for granted. We talked until 330 am in the morning.

    The last two days have been a whirlwind. I have told CollegeCD what is oging on โ€“ and he is understanding and patient, and understands that I need to get through this, but I am torn. I am confused.

    With CollegeCD I will be dating the โ€œpresent tenseโ€ version of him โ€“ a very healthy place to be.

    With GS, I would be dating a โ€œfuture tenseโ€ version of him because he is still in a lengthy process of child support orders, etc which could take a year, maybe less give or take. I have no idea what kind of relaitonship he could ACTUALLY sustain I have no idea if he could really do all the things he says he is willing to try to do. He wants to be a better man, a better partner, he loves me, and realizes what he is missing.

    EVERYTHING Rori says is true. I literally changed my vibe for real.

    Mercedes โ€“ I never ever ever thought he would walk through that door again. Ever, just like your J. Amazing. When you change your vibe for real it all really changes.

    So here I am. I am in love with two men. Two wonderful men. One gives me everything I need right now and more (CollegeCD), but I have such a history and a deep deep connection with GS because of everything we have been through.

    I need some help. Some space. Some clarity. Some sleep. LOL.

    Its not a bad place to be, and yet, its torture.

    Both men now know about each other. GS hates that I am dating someone else. It tortures him. CollegeCD knows that GS has resurfaced from my past to attempt to claim me.

    My head and heart tell me to stay with CollegeCD because of how much he fulfills all my needs.

    I wrote down a list of 53 things that I need in a man months and months ago. A wish list for God to fulfill. CollegeCD has EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. on the list.

    So, why am I even confused?

    Because the pull and the history, and the love, and the time shared for a year and a half with GS is so incredibly strong.

    Any insight, advice, questions I should ask myselfโ€ฆ.etc. I would appreciate. ๐Ÿ™‚

    At the end of the day, I think I pick CollegeCD because he is so phenominal. I never ever thought GS would be literally on my doorstep pining to get me back. He has cried for 6 hours straight, and then for two days with me afterwards. I remember how I wept until I almost puked over him a couple of months ago. The world is a funny funny place.

    Thoughts?



  23.  #23Elsie on September 11, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    By the way, if someone had ever told me that the two hottest men I had ever know would both be in love with me, let alone at the same time, I would have never believed them. Amazing.

    CollegeCD is so fun and wonderful, my friends ADORE him.

    But man, the chemistry and oxytocin, and emotional attachment to GS is still there and so incredibly strong.

    Ok โ€“ help/advice? I cant wait to hear you what you wonderful sirens tell me



  24.  #24LoveAlways on September 11, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    Very poetic quote. I feel like a poet lately, not a reporter as much. Feels good to be expressive like this. These few words speak volumes and provokes deep feelings and loving thoughts.



  25.  #25LoveAlways on September 11, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    Oh I picked up my Reconnect Your Relationship! I can’t wait to start listening to it tomorrow (I feel to relaxed to night to listen).



  26.  #26Lisa on September 11, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    @Elsie

    I would get quiet really quiet and wait for the answer… the bubbly one that makes you giddy inside…

    I can imagine that is the hardest thing ever!

    By reading your post though, it seems you might have answered your own question… ๐Ÿ™‚

    and just from my experience the Oxytocin is what I don’t listen to… but that is just me…

    and I know from hearing from others that sometimes the old man needs to be at the back of the bus for awhile. See what happens with CollegeCD…. GS might just have to stand in line.. but not giving advice here…

    Big Hugs!!!! I know you’ll find what is right for you!!!

    OXOXOX



  27.  #27Lisa on September 11, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    I’m sick that I can’t seem to change my vibe… and can’t get coaching session… I feel sad, really sad…

    Damn it…

    I’m so tired of being tired,broke and not the one…..

    does this mean that b/c I’m not game-fully employed that I’m doomed to being single… will I be past sexual prime before I’m financially able to be “marriage material”?

    just venting…



  28.  #28Millie on September 11, 2013 at 7:59 pm

    Lisa, I’m 26 and I feel the same way…..I kind of feel like giving up. The universe has sent me some wonderful people, but they don’t seem to want me. I’ve never been in a relationship with future talks…I wonder if I ever will be…



  29.  #29Femininewoman on September 11, 2013 at 8:08 pm

    Elsie – Your story reminded me of Tam who used to post some time ago. Your stories are a little different but she left her fiancรฉ to go back to a man who ended up giving her grief.

    GS consistently told you he was not good at relationships.

    Collegecd seems to have consistently try to make you happy.

    You said the relationship with GS was convenient, which turned me off a bit. That comment had me questioning whether it was true love. Look inside to see if you feel any sense of obligation towards him because of all he did for you. See if you can honestly say you love him down to your toes. Then again I would likely tell you go with the man who loves you more than you love him.

    GS had his chance. Can you trust him with your heart?

    Collegecd seems to have demonstrated that he has the capacity, skills and willingness to pairbond. GS seems to have been focused on his excuses and external circumstances that kept him from you. Look carefully at how the energy has flowed between you and the two men.

    See if somehow you yourself are addicted to drama. The drama of romance. The drama of the Officer and a Gentleman. Where he walked away and left her hanging not knowing what is going to happen. Then he comes in a swoops her off her feet. Is that what you want or a man who will consistently be at your side making you happy.

    I can almost guarantee you that he will never respect you as much as he is able to, unless you stay with Collegecd. Staying with Collegecd would send the message that this women puts her heart first. She loves herself more than she loves any man.

    What would be the trade off for going back to him?
    What does he bring to your life that Collegcd doesn’t?



  30.  #30Femininewoman on September 11, 2013 at 8:18 pm

    When it was Collegecd alone you were blissful and happy. Laughing until your face hurts, enjoying your life.

    Now that GS is back you say”I am torn. I am confused”.

    That to me looks like drama.



  31.  #31Turquoise on September 11, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    Elsie, stay with college CD. If/when GS is ready and can actually give you what you want, then maybe see where you are and consider him.



  32.  #32Lisa on September 11, 2013 at 8:46 pm

    @Millie Thanks!!!

    I’m 50 so your my daughter’s age… ๐Ÿ™‚

    You have so much ahead of you and so much time… and not to diminish what your feeling… I certainly know! At age 29 I felt the same… I can remember so clearly….

    you have Rori’s tools at this age.. that is amazing! I can only image what a siren your going to be!!!!

    I’ve had several want to marry me.. but not out of “your the one” love thing….. but that is a long story.

    I’ve had to tell people to there face in a loving way, that I wasn’t the one for them… and lovingly let them go… and I knew that b /c I couldn’t live with certain aspects of them.. so I knew there was someone out there that could…

    but I’m 50 now.. almost 51 and damn.. I’ve worked so hard on myself.. all the time.. to get to the point where I’m really able to and open to a healthy and loving man…

    and yet, no matter how much work I’ve done on me, loved me, gone on with my life… nothing!

    I might just have to realize it might not happen! maybe I’m just not lucky in this area of life and it won’t matter how much work i do… who knows! but for sure, I’ve waited a long long time…

    I want to think he is out there looking for me… but then that sets me up… and then I feel so embarrassed that everytime I meet a new man, I get excited thinking “this one might be him”..

    crazy huh?

    I need to stop getting excited… and then let down… that part hurts a lot…

    I feel like a child that has waited a long time for her daddy to come home and no one has told me he won’t be coming home…

    just venting… sorry…

    OXOXO



  33.  #33Elsie on September 11, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    @Lisa – You cant try to change your vibe you just do it. Do or do not … there is no try. LOL! ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m just kidding but in the end you literally just fake it until you make it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thank you for your advice, I”m taking it in.

    @FW – WOW. Your post is phenominal. I have a lot to think about now. A lot. I’m going to and will write later after I have thought all about it.

    @Turquoise – yes, thank you.

    I love this place. It is a place of refuge for me. I love that you all know my story. You all feel like old friends, and I wish I knew you in real life to give you all hugs. ๐Ÿ™‚



  34.  #34Zia on September 11, 2013 at 9:04 pm

    Elsie, I think you know your answer. From the outside looking in, it is blatantly obvious.



  35.  #35Zia on September 11, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    FW: that whole “addicted to drama” when it comes to romance and “love” was a BIG thing for me too in my very recent past!



  36.  #36Femininewoman on September 11, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    Zia your last comments on the previous thread spoke volumes to me about romancing oneself. Bringing and surrounding oneself with romance so that it just radiates out into the world like a sensual aura.



  37.  #37Zara on September 11, 2013 at 9:25 pm

    Elsie

    GS came to you, he talked of an hypothetical future, you listened.
    You told him you are dating a real man in a real present, he listened.
    So the situation is clear and clean and out in the sun.
    No more dark secret and hiding.
    Yet GS did not bring any new element.

    In the present you have only one man in your real life: CollegeCD.
    He takes care of you, right now in the present. You don’t know for sure if he will be taking care of you next year. Just like you don’t know if GS will take care of you next year. Such is life. We don’t know the future until it happens.

    What you know is the intentions of both men. They both say they “will” take care of you in the future. Perfect. Gorgeous feeling in the present to imagine the future with a choice of two men. Enjoy the sweet feeling.

    Yet it is all hypothetical and the choice would be happening in the future, not today.
    So if your question is what should you do NOW about an hypothetical future, my answer has not changed. You have nothing to do NOW. Life will show you in time, when the future becomes the present. Your only job NOW is to RECEIVE the REAL attentions offered in the NOW.

    Who gives you the real attentions in the NOW?

    According to what I read, it is CollegeCD. I don’t see a reason to deprive you from his love when there is no issue between you two and you enjoy feeling loved by him. And he is real, in your real life, in the now with the intention to stay in your life in the future. I don’t see a reason to tear this present picture.

    As for GS, today is not the time to worry about him, because today he can’t make you feel loved and pampered and taken care of, happily out in the light of the sun.
    If he should ever stand in front of you, free to love you openly in the now, and to give you all you want from a relationship, then it will be time to tap into your feelings to find out if you want to move in with him and drop CollegeCD.
    Today he is not standing in front of you to start in the now a relationship. Wether you leave CollegeCD or stay with CollegeCD won’t change the fact that GS is not saying anything new. He is still telling you to wait at least a year before you can even START to see if you get along in a real relationship, all children involved, every day life at home involved and so on.
    GS said nothing new. He already told you he loves you and he can’t bring anything in your life, only a dream of an hypothetical far away future, with no joy in the mean time. He already said so and this is why you had chosen to not wait for it to happen and to honour the life G*d gave you by being alive and happy in the present and let the future be the future.
    _______________________________
    GS I feel sad to feel you sad. Life is sometimes a bit of a challenge. But I understand quite well your situation and this is why I am taking care of myself while you are taking care of your issues.
    Whenever you are ready to co-create a relationship with me in the now, with concrete suggestions for the now and not with promesses of future, I will be happy to see with you where we are at.
    As for today, there is nothing we can do but hope for the best future and, in the mean time, stick to our decision to go our separate ways until you have created the space for our relationship to exist.
    What we had was painful, I don’t want it again. I want a loving, caring, attentionate relationship and I feel better not start anything before you are in the position to co-create the relationship with me. I don’t want to hide myself in the dark, and spend weekends and nights alone, longing for my lover. I would end up despising myself and resenting you, which would not be a smart move for what we want in the end.

    xxx



  38.  #38Emerson on September 11, 2013 at 10:43 pm

    Lisa my heart goes out to you….

    I say never give up…

    I know I haven’t given up yet, I’m 41 and still planning / hoping for the whole package: marriage and a baby!!!

    I know how you feel about meeting a new man…I think it’s normal to wonder “is he the One?”
    When we are open to It and its what we want, it’s a natural thought…



  39.  #39Emerson on September 11, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Funny cuz when I met cutecityCD I was not into him at all until about the 3rd date. Now I can’t get him off my mind …



  40.  #40Zia on September 11, 2013 at 11:12 pm

    FW 36: It felt really great to read that ๐Ÿ™‚



  41.  #41Zia on September 11, 2013 at 11:22 pm

    Has anyone heard of Katherine Woodward Thomas’ “Calling in the One”? I just ordered the book. Listened to a great call with her, so am looking forward to it ๐Ÿ™‚

    Emerson your #48 post reminded me of her and her story.



  42.  #42Syreena on September 12, 2013 at 12:00 am

    Elsie.

    What is GS offering you? He is still sharing a house with another woman. So he is not really available to offer you anything at the moment.

    And even if he moved out would he really be there for you as nuch as you need? How has he changed as from what I can remember. He was hot and cold with you before.

    Where your new man has just been hot. And is available now.



  43.  #43Syreena on September 12, 2013 at 1:34 am

    Zara 37, that felt amazing reading that. I could feel the power of it.



  44.  #44Cris on September 12, 2013 at 2:50 am

    Great quote!!
    Elsie, maybe your heart and mind want CollegeCD but your entrails ((sorry, direct translation from Spanish, maybe it sounds badly) want the old one… I had to choose between mind and entrails 25 years ago… and mind was the winner. Everything is ok, but I will not deny that I miss that part of the body from time to time
    hugs



  45.  #45Cris on September 12, 2013 at 2:53 am

    whatever you choose, Elsie, I’m sure it will be fine

    all the best!!



  46.  #46Sirenity on September 12, 2013 at 3:11 am

    Elsie ,

    Hello . I agree with others here . All you can count on is what is standing right in front of you now, not what may materialise in the future. Deep connection in the past is not a sign of future happiness. All that is real is present now.

    All that “deep connection” stuff does feel like a justification for the length of your attachment to GS . But that deep connection was one of sadness, pining, longing and frustration as far as I understood from your postings. The depth and length of attachments we make has no correlation to the happiness they bring us nor to the overall quality of relationship.

    I feel you know this from what you have written here.



  47.  #47Veronica on September 12, 2013 at 3:14 am

    Zara – what you wrote was amazing! Thank you for taking the time to craft such a beautiful strong siren message.



  48.  #48Linda on September 12, 2013 at 4:04 am

    zARA – you write the most amazing speeches! I really struggle with it. I agree with Veronica – what a beautiful siren message.

    I feel inspired reading the one you wrote to GS for Elsie.
    —–

    I feel a shift happening inside of me. FavoriteCD wants me back in his life but I just CANT and WONT go BACK to what it was and how it was all feeling. I am totally DONE with that place.

    However, I do feel open to a NEW place with him though. If that happened then I would be game.

    I wonder … how to do that really.



  49.  #49Linda on September 12, 2013 at 4:20 am

    Lisa.. your posts sound amazing and you are self aware in a great way.

    One of the things that I decided a LONG time ago was that “I AM THE PRIZE”. When I made this shift in my belief system something magical happened.

    When I meet someone new, I no long have that thought and have stopped wondering if they were going to be “the one”.

    Now I the only thoughts I have are ones like..”Do you get to claim the prize?

    Same subject but on the flip side… HA!

    What do you think?



  50.  #50Dominique on September 12, 2013 at 5:23 am

    Elsie – 22 – No one can tell you what to do, yet I will remind you that it’s supposed to feel EASY.

    xxoo



  51.  #51Dominique on September 12, 2013 at 5:25 am

    Lisa – 27 – I don’t buy into sexual prime. My sex life continues to get better and better and better.

    xxoo



  52.  #52Cris on September 12, 2013 at 5:28 am

    Lisa, please find my today’s hug!!



  53.  #53Amanda on September 12, 2013 at 5:40 am

    Love this quote…It reminds me that even the bad times are part of a bigger picture. Recently, I met a guy who wanted a commitment very early (DATE THREE) and only two weeks into dating. He started planning future travel and adventures and bought me tons of gifts. He was completely focused on me. Well I didn’t agree to dating him exclusively and he said he spoke to some of his female friends about it and they told him to be careful about me…THANKS LADIES ;(
    Clearly not Rori Raye fans.
    Throughout our dating he became more and more jealous and a bit angry about it then he retreated for a bit. I stayed firm…but told him how much I enjoyed being with him…just wanted to get to know him better. Seriously, Rori, this guy wanted everything from me in a matter of weeks…
    So, what ended up happening was that he met another needy girl who did agree to dedicate her life to this guy after a couple of dates He rudely stood me up and then dumped me via txt (They both changed their facebook profile pics to pics of them cuddling after two weeks…and they’re not in their late teens they are in their late 40’s) Needless to say, I removed him as a friend so I don’t need to see this stuff. So this quote helped me understand that part of the process of love is to be determined in your thinking but open to facing setbacks and not seeing those setbacks as a deviation from your path, just part of the path. I questioned for a moment when this happened whether or not circular dating works. I do believe he left because he couldn’t ‘control’ me…actually on our last date he said “you want things the way you want them’ and he didn’t mean it as a compliment. And after weeks of demanding my total commitment said he needed to ‘decide’ if we would work. But now I realized that he was just a very needy guy who needy a needy girl. And my circular dating plan actually helped ‘smoke’ this guy out early on. “So even though it did not feel good to be dumped or feel good to see him move on so quickly…I now see it as part of the ”choreography” of my path. Two weeks ago this guy was at my house bringing me expensive gifts and now he’s madly in love with someone else. LOL…I feel safe and protected by my commitment to myself and what I believe in. I was able to find out that he wasn’t a sweet guy, he was just one of those guys that dives into any relationship and sucks the life out of the girl then dumps her. If I hadn’t stayed true to what I want and what I need…and had agreed to a commitment, It might have taken me months or Heaven Forbid, years to discover who this guy really is. Score!



  54.  #54Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 6:14 am

    Amanda I think you made a great call on that one. I don’t believe it was the that fact cdating could backfire. I believe you unearthed the fact that he is the type of man who might be likely to put his needs ahead of yours. I believe many men will tell you this guy was needy. One can’t buy love with gifts. He wasn’t willing to give you the space and time to really get in touch with how you were feeling about him. Many men want instant gratification and quick fixes but these are the ones who crash and burn very quickly. I wouldn’t be surprised if they only last about 3 years as a couple.



  55.  #55Mercedes on September 12, 2013 at 7:00 am

    Elsie: Are you really trying to decide if you should be with a man who is not even asking you to be with him???? Did GS ask you to dinner or ask you to spend time with his children or ask you if you want to go to a movie with him or ask you….anything at all????

    From the sounds of it, all GS asked you to do is not date anyone else. He didn’t ask you to date him. He told you he would try to see you more and give you what you want. He didn’t tell you he would do it, he told you he would try.

    I can’t even believe you are considering exclusively dating a man who is NOT asking you to date him. You are considering being with a man who’s only question is “will you stop seeing other people and wait for me to get my life in order?”

    Makes no sense to me. If you date GS though (and even knowing that you are torn when it comes to CollegeCD, this is my advice). Circular date. (cding is not dating one man…). When you are truly, fully in love with everything in your being, you are not torn about what to do. Everything is clear. No other man on the planet could sway you from the one you love. I recommend dating until you know what you want. Being torn between two men doesn’t feel like love to me.

    As someone else said: What is GS bringing to the table? What exactly did he offer you with the exception of “I’ll try”. What did he ask you with the exception of “Don’t see other men. It hurts ME when you do that.” I don’t know, but if you’re confused about that, then I’m guessing you’re not ready for a real relationship with either of these men. When choosing between two men, it’s easy if the love is real and to the depths of your soul.

    Much Love,
    Mercedes



  56.  #56Daria on September 12, 2013 at 7:22 am

    right on Rori and Iveta… im hearing that right now



  57.  #57Daria on September 12, 2013 at 7:28 am

    yay Amanda! ๐Ÿ™‚



  58.  #58Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 7:32 am

    Mercedes I was tempted to ask the question “what is he bringing to the table” but I hesitated because I know it is something men focus on. I wasn’t sure it would be accepted in the feminine community.
    Was happy to see you mentioning it.



  59.  #59April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 7:39 am

    Linda,

    I wrote to you on the previous thread and will re-write my comment here. (Maybe it will also have some relevance to Elsie in her situation)

    “It sounds as if one of the things you value, as I do, is consistency.

    I read your posting about all the pursuing and acts of service heโ€™d done for you. And thenโ€ฆ. nothing. He dropped it.
    You felt his energy coming towards you and it felt intriguing โ€“ good even. Then it stopped.

    I value a relationship in which I can trust and rest on the consistency of my partnerโ€™s caring attention.
    Can we ever really let go our anxiety, enough to feel free and happy to trust a man who has been hot and cold with us?”



  60.  #60April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Elsie,

    I wonder if there is value in thinking of your situation as a test…?

    A test to see if you will choose the old way (love=pain and longing) over the new way (love is effortless and pain-free).

    The old way will often rear up to call us back into itself, just as we are making a breakthrough into healthy new behaviour.



  61.  #61April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 7:49 am

    Mercedes, you peach!!!

    I love, love, love, love, love, LOVE this!!!!!

    “When you are truly, fully in love with everything in your being, you are not torn about what to do. Everything is clear.”

    I have shivers and tingles and laughter and sooo much gratitude to you. These simple words are easing so much of my turmoil, and bringing gentle clear hope to my heart. I am on a path to integration, and I feel my heart soaring.



  62.  #62Vi on September 12, 2013 at 8:03 am

    I want to heal my relationship with food… Due to my allergies food feels like.. something suspicious.. something that may cause suffering… I feel unsafe and fearful when it comes to food.. And I choose only the best…. I intend to heal this. It would be great to feel good and safe… I feel glad these feeling have come up for me. I feel more relaxed in my body since I got aware of those feelings. I love me. EFT would feel helpful…



  63.  #63Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Shew! Lots of work on me last night and this morning.. I did it with my therapist today…

    I’m tired from all the crying, purging…..

    I jumped in even after I expressed that I didn’t want to do the work on my Dad… I was like the lady in the video… can I just skip this..

    I’m aware enough to know NO I can’t just skip it.. it is my deepest work…

    So, what I found inside me today was what the other lady found in the video.. My Dad did what any loving alcoholic, rageaholic, porn addicted father would do… he ignored me… and that was my greatest gift from him.. he allowed me to be who I am, and he left me alone… I felt unloved but actually it was his love for me… that was leaving me to myself… so he didn’t do more damage to me… I get it now! He loved me so much that he left me… I get it… tears, tears, tears…..

    I saw how I’ve been longing, pinning and looking for that love my whole life from men…

    and I can see how I needed to keep my story going by continuing to do it again and again…

    Just like I could see in the book Attached how I kept my story going by continuing with “M”.

    Who would I be without my story… I’m curious to find out.. but for sure… more peaceful, and whole…

    and I love me and how that I am feeling what I feel when I feel it, being open, and vulnerable and allowing my emotions to move through me… I’m flowing

    My therapist said today… Lisa you keep thinking these men have done great things for you, that is just the basic bottom line… you can’t see that, that is how it is suppose to be… b/c you were raised with nothing…

    I see now that my standards have been low… and they need to be raised…

    The last 3 men in my life have all been there to show me that I needed to do the work on my Dad… I’m grateful!

    @ Linda yes, I’m the prize… ๐Ÿ™‚
    @ Elsie I think it is happening. ๐Ÿ™‚

    OXOXO



  64.  #64Rori Raye on September 12, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Hi! April Rose, I’ve got a few VERY long posts coming up soon – just wanted to give you all a fresh place to post!

    This quote, of so many quotes I see and are sent to me – just knocked my socks off!

    For me, it encapsulates Radical Accepting, while keeping moving at the same time.

    A belief that nothing can be “wrong,” and a willingness to accept whatever shows up, love it, incorporate it into your “dance of life.”

    LOVE Byron Katie, thank you all so much for working with her “Questions” and for that great link to her youtube videos….

    Love, Rori



  65.  #65Daria on September 12, 2013 at 8:22 am

    No Name CD is sending me “i love you messages and photos of me and him”

    aaaack i feel pleased and scared!

    hehe

    whew

    i dont want to feel ‘obligated’

    im healing this

    no obligation I love you DARIA!



  66.  #66Daria on September 12, 2013 at 8:22 am

    i feel mistrustful as we havent spent that much time together, i feel scared

    i feel pleased



  67.  #67Veronica on September 12, 2013 at 8:30 am

    I want someone who is interested in my long-term happiness. I want to think in terms of MY long-term happiness.



  68.  #68Daria on September 12, 2013 at 8:36 am

    i am so seeing from my comments to NY cd which at the time felt natural and like love they now look like lean forward groupie stuff

    im glad im not doing the same in reaching out and saying something to BookieMan’s ‘likes’ on my page

    i feel the urge to comment and say Thank you for the like and i miss u papi etc etc and pick up the connection and im glad im not doing that

    i feel the sadness of not having that closeness i want right now



  69.  #69April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 9:45 am

    Hi Rori,

    I love the concept of radical acceptance.
    And this quote paints a lovely visual for me of the ‘rhythms’ of life’s ups and downs.

    As in music, and dancing, the notes go up and down, we stand tall and we fall. I can see ‘crawling’ as musical notes on a stave.

    It inspires me to write a melody ๐Ÿ™‚



  70.  #70Hana on September 12, 2013 at 10:12 am

    Elsie, wow! That stuff is soap opera material! What is going on now?



  71.  #71Heart on September 12, 2013 at 10:21 am

    omg blog…I feel so sad. I know you might think I’m crazy to feel sad about this but…A couple of days ago it was my birthday and only 17 ppl posted on my Facebook wall. Many “good friends” did not wish me a happy birthday. I feel so shocked and confused by it. I like to think of myself as moderately well-liked. I guess I feel embarrassed, shocked and unpopular. It hurts. I know I haven’t been on here in a hile but I had no where else to go…I feel Embarrassed to complain about this to my few good friends.

    Why did those other friends snub me like that? Things have been going a little bit well for me lately…I’ve been having some great experiences so this came as a shock. I feel hurt. Am I being silly? Am I making to big a deal about nothing?
    I feel hurt and I’m angry at myself for feeling hurt.



  72.  #72April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 10:25 am

    Heart,

    I’m feeling a little flummoxed here.
    How many people *called* you or sent you a birthday card on your birthday?
    Call me old-fashioned, but those things count to me a lot more than smelly old facebook.



  73.  #73Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 10:32 am

    @Rori Thanks for that! I was wondering all along if it was or wasn’t really something you approved of… I love BK too… now I feel more at ease, with my work and your tools.

    I just got her post on FB now…

    “Do you believe in what you want?” BK

    tears, tears, tears coming down… apparently I don’t or it wouldn’t have just opened the faucet without me even knowing it…

    OXOX



  74.  #74April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 10:33 am

    It sounds like you didn’t have enough fuss made of you, and I completely understand.

    I didn’t even get a birthday cake on my birthday (two weeks ago), and everyone who knows me understands how much I love cake. I felt sad too.

    Next year lets have a bloody great joint party and invite all the sirens. We can have a lavish table covered in all things gorgeous, goblets of fizzy wine, and cake galore.

    What d’ya reckon?
    ๐Ÿ™‚



  75.  #75Dominique on September 12, 2013 at 10:42 am

    Heart – 71 – Love to you and Happy! Happy!! Happy!!!

    And maybe you now know who your real friends are. You only really need one. Though maybe everyone else is caught up with their own lives and preoccupied.

    xxoo



  76.  #76Dominique on September 12, 2013 at 10:43 am

    And Happy! Happy!! Happy!!! to April Rose too. Sending you a huge slice of your favorite cake with a sparkler on top.

    xxoo



  77.  #77Heart on September 12, 2013 at 10:52 am

    Dominique – thank you and yes it’s a wake up call. Truthfully, I’ve been sensing a real lack and disconnection with some people. Maybe it’s wrong to say: but even since I started becoming more and more aware of my inner world, I find it harder to be motivated to maintain friendships. Most of my ftriends seem Inauthentic and lacking in self-awareness and it’s hard to have juicy conversations. I did the Chopra-Oprah miraculous meditation and ended up with a sense of disatisfaction.

    April Rose – Thank thank you. You’re post made me smile..And Happy Belated Birthday <3!



  78.  #78Tereana on September 12, 2013 at 10:59 am

    So…as you may have read in the last thread, it was really bugging me that V had not written back about my dream. Or about anything else for that matter. Even when I told him that I was back in town. I wanted to give him more time, but it felt like, it’s already been a while. There was a reason he was not writing back.

    So I talked about it with a friend I know who is actually a trans woman. I figured she could give me some perspective, since she actually dated as a guy before she started her transition to being a woman.

    And she let me know what I suspected myself – which is that he probably assumed that the dream was sexual. He’s a guy. Of course he thought that! And I was unsure if I should follow up with another message about it. Based on the discussion, I thought that I should, to clarify things.

    I feel better now that I did. I feel more “clear.” I actually let him know about one part of the dream that I omitted – the best part. The part where I touched him : ) Maybe that was why he didn’t write back…I had even forgot that I left that out. But I remembered it today, and so I decided to tell him.

    We’ll see if he writes back now. And if he doesn’t, no sweat. Maybe the only real thing that was bothering me was the fact that I hadn’t actually told him all of the parts of the dream that were important to me.

    Then I said that I was glad that we are friends. Perhaps the dream indicates that I would like more. And maybe that’s true. But I’m letting him lead, here. He is the one who said, back in June, that he wanted to be friends. So, I’d like to be with him on that, and let things be as they are. I don’t need to push anything. I have other guys, and even a woman who I might go out with. But if my dream is any indication, he is going to be providing for me while I am having fun and enjoying life, and he’ll always come back.

    Oooohhhh. I *like* that dream interpretation : ))))

    I’m going to go with that for today ๐Ÿ™‚

    xooxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxo



  79.  #79Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Why did those other friends snub me like that?

    They didn’t. They just did nothing. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything to them to receive such things so it is not second nature to do it.



  80.  #80Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 11:01 am

    Happy happpy Birthday Heart



  81.  #81April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 11:05 am

    Yum ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks Dominique

    You’re a sparkler!



  82.  #82April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 11:07 am

    Lisa,

    What do you mean you can’t get a coaching session?

    Orna and Matthew Walters are currently offering coaching.

    I would luuurve to work with those guys.



  83.  #83Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 11:09 am

    @Heart HUGE HUG for your happy happy Birthday! So glad you have another year of being you! I wish you joy beyond your imagination! Filled with love and friendship! <3

    I've had those kinds of birthdays too ๐Ÿ™ so I totally know it hurts!!!

    @AprilRose totally would have had a cake for you! <3



  84.  #84Heart on September 12, 2013 at 11:10 am

    FW – That felt comforting. Thank You! <3



  85.  #85Cris on September 12, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Happy birthday beauties!

    where is the party? ๐Ÿ˜€



  86.  #86April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Some people are not ‘birthday people’.

    I am. I love birthdays. I see that most people shine with a special glow on their birthday.

    I am always shocked whenever someone tells me they don’t like birthdays (or Christmas for that matter).

    Inside, my little girl remembers the excitement and the presents and the love. Sending all that to you, Heart.



  87.  #87April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 11:17 am

    At your house, Cris.

    Can you fit us all in?
    ๐Ÿ˜‰



  88.  #88Indigo on September 12, 2013 at 11:18 am

    Elsie,

    I agree very much with what Zara wrote in 37.

    I find it very convenient that GS has come to this realization of his great love for you and wish to be with you, now that you are happy with another man.

    They are just words… which may or may not amount to much right now.

    Please stay with CollegeCD.

    Also, how wonderful it must be to have two gorgeous men professing their love for you at once, enjoy that feeling ๐Ÿ™‚



  89.  #89Indigo on September 12, 2013 at 11:23 am

    Lisa 49,

    I love this! “Do they get to claim the prize?”

    I am working towards getting fully this way in my thinking. I don’t ever again want to accept less than happiness, and treatment that is less than good enough for the gentle precious treasure that is me, from a man.



  90.  #90Cris on September 12, 2013 at 11:31 am

    April Rose
    ๐Ÿ˜€ you’ll be welcome in Spain. Let’s put the champagne in the fridge!!



  91.  #91Heart on September 12, 2013 at 11:33 am

    Thanks Lisa! ๐Ÿ™‚ That felt Great to read!
    Lol Cris!
    Awwwwwr April Rose….I have a big smile on my face…feeling cheered up!

    Wow…currently reading up on “The Elsie Situation”….Wow!



  92.  #92Indigo on September 12, 2013 at 11:34 am

    Heart,

    17 people is a lot ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t think I have 17 good friends. In fact, I can say for certain that I don’t. Maybe a mere handful who are precious to me, and they would never forget my birthday.

    Happy birthday to you ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you managed to feel joy and wonder in your heart. x



  93.  #93Indigo on September 12, 2013 at 11:35 am

    April Rose,

    I can’t remember if I wished you…

    If not, happy birthday beloved siren! ๐Ÿ™‚ x



  94.  #94Dominique on September 12, 2013 at 11:35 am

    Heart – 77 – Bingo. This is what happens when you start on this journey inward. You authentic friendships hand around, and the rest fall by the wayside. This is awesome and a testament to you. Celebration time and not just for your birthday!!!

    xxoo



  95.  #95Indigo on September 12, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Sorry, my post 89 was for you Linda ๐Ÿ™‚



  96.  #96Dominique on September 12, 2013 at 11:37 am

    Lisa – Please feel free to email me anytime if you want/need more personal attention.

    xxoo



  97.  #97Heart on September 12, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Dominique – Looking at it from that perspective makes me feel very Happy and Encouraged and Inspired! I feel like I did in elementary school when a teacher praised me. My little girl feels understood. Thinking “Heart you’ve been doing it wrong has now been flipped to “Heart, these things happen when you’re on the path to self-discovery”. Thank you, thank you, thank you. <3 Rori's opening quote seems even more poignant and applicable!



  98.  #98Heart on September 12, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Elsie – I’m pretty sure you know what you really want somewhere deep down. I’m sure most of us are on Team CollegeCd but if in your heart you really still wanted to be with GS then Go for it.

    It doesn’t matter what happens in the future, it’s pretty clear at this point that Elsie will take care of Elsie.



  99.  #99Heart on September 12, 2013 at 12:13 pm

    Indigo – Awwwwr :). Thanks! Only a handful 17 are good friends. Still, I appreciate their greetings. Anyway…thanks to Everyone I feel better…I’m so glad I came on here and spilled my guts.



  100.  #100Heart on September 12, 2013 at 12:14 pm

    only a handful of the 17 are good friends…i meant to write that…



  101.  #101Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    “You will alsoโ€”somewhat ironicallyโ€”have more energy to love your spouse if youโ€™re married to a giver rather than a taker, because a taker often uses up your energy in other ways, most notably by regularly demanding acts of performance. Takers thereby sabotage your ability to give love to them in a way that is satisfying and honoring to God.โ€- Excerpt From: Thomas, Gary. โ€œThe Sacred Search.โ€



  102.  #102Elsie on September 12, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Hi all, Thank you so much for your responses!!!

    Ok….here goes: (cue the dramatic soap opera music now…..lights fade in……)

    #29 FW – GS has said he is not good at relationships. What amazes me is how much he has truly changed. He has said that even if we dont get back together that I have given him something he has never had and even knew he wanted – relationships that are deep. He has never had a romantic relationship or a friendship that actually was significant and deep in his life until me (not even his ex.) I do feel a bit of a sense of obligation, but not overwhelming if I am being honest. Its not a factor really but it was good to think about. I do love him down to my toes. That one is EASY. But if I’m going to be with the man that loves me more than I love him that is CollegeCD – he loves me more than I love him, but I do love him too.

    I am not sure if I can trust GS with my heart. I think I could but I just dont know. CollegeCD has demonstarted everything you said. You are 100% right. I do not think however, that I am addicted to drama. I was very happy without it! ๐Ÿ™‚

    GS brings to my life just his love. I love his love. But I do not love everything else. Everything else is HARD, not EASY.

    Thank you FW for your questions they were good and helped.

    #37 @Zara – WOW Girl. Thank you. GS is a hypothetical future still. GS did not bring anything new except the fact that he was willing to be more open and love and be more of what I needed as much as he could – I guess that is something. But a lot of our future is jsut that – in the future. I do not know a lot about the future with GS.

    Zara it is a gorgeous feeling and a tumultuous feeling to have two men in love with you. (Actually three, my ex husband says he still loves me too haha) Anyway – it is a sweet feeling, but bittersweet too.

    It is all hypothetical. You are right. I need do nothing now about a hypothetical future. CollegeCD gives me love and attention and so much right now. I do enjoy him and love him so much. He is so handsome and fun. fun!!!

    I think you are right about if there is a time in the future where GS could bring something to the table for reality then I can look at it then. I may at that point be already married to CollegeCD LOL!!!!

    I love your script and may use some of it. I love it – thank you for spending so much time on me!!!

    #42 @Syreena – Yes. True. GS is not really available to offer me a real realtonship now. True.

    #44 @Cris – I have been thinking about your “entrails” quote all day – ALL DAY. That is exactly it. My entrails and my whole cells in my whole body love GS. Completely. Completely. I love this analogy, and if it sounds badly I dont care it totally describes it.

    #46 @Sirenity – Deep connection in the past is not a sign of future happiness. What a wonderful quote. I should frame it. Thank you – that helped me so much you will never know.

    #50 @Dominique – EASY. Well, thats CollegeCD hands down. EASY. Fun. and Easy.

    #55 @Mercedes – Hi!!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for writing.!!!!!
    I know I know I know. GS is asking me to be with him in the sense tha I am attached and not go out with anyone else, but yes, you are right. He did not ask me to dinner, or a movie. He is asking me not to date anyone else. He said he would try to see me. You are 100% right. LOL. I read your line and actually laughed out loud – I cant believe you are considering dating GS….lol. Yes. I know. Crazy. Yes, that is exactly his questions. Will you wait until I get my life in order. I love love love you and your posts – thank you for the clarity as always. !!!

    #59 @April Rose – Consistency. Yes. I did not have it at all throughout the relationship with GS if I am being honest. It was hot/cold and then on/off without warning or knowledge. Yes. It would feel anxious, and nervous, and scared to trust that again. Good point and observation.

    #60 -@ April Rose – I wondered also if this was a test. My ex husband did not give me what I needed and I made excuses because I loved him. I found myself in a similar situation with GS. Different because he is trying to change and is now outpouring of love which I didnt have with my ex-husband but yes…..I wonder.

    #70 @Hana – Yes TOTAL SOAP OPERA!!!!! You have seriously no idea!!!!

    I cried at work yesterday on the way out to the car -GS carried all of my stuff because I couldnt even do it. He comforted me the whole way and told me that no matter what he will always be my friend, and that he loves me and is sorry that it took him so long to udnerstand what I needed and that he just wants to be the man for me. I spoke with CollegeCD last night on the phone – he has been very understanding of all of this. He is patient and kind and I have been honest with him. I am so lucky to have him. I had lunch with him today – and we talked about a future and had so much fun. GS was in the office late today and I cried again around him just from the way my heart bursts with love around him. He is so tender and loving and concerned and its just so obvious he loves me.

    I never thought I would have all of this….from two men. It sounds awesome, but it is and it isnt.

    #88 – Indigo – Yes, these are words, but I can see that GS wants to back them up with actions, but I am not allowing it (not kissing him, etc.)

    And yes, it is wonderful because frankly, both of them are gorgeous – I mean STUNNING. I have never dated one guy like this let alone two. LOL. Its enjoyable but also exhausting. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I do feel like a prize, now thats for SURE.

    #98 – @Heart – it is HYSTERICAL you would say team CollegeCD. All my friends call it that – exactly. They all say that they are on College CD team, just like that – haha – thats so funny to me that you would say that. One of my friends says that they are on team GS because they know him really well and do think he is a wonderful man. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ok whew…….that was a lot.

    Thank you so much sirens…..this all helped more than you know…..



  103.  #103Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    I read something once, wish I could find it… that when we consistently love people ( men) more than they love us ( me) that is a way of deflecting love from yourself… and not receiving… It is also another way for me to deflect the fact that I’m not looking at something…. about that man…

    @Cris you mentioned how I re-think things.. after you mentioned it I sat with it… and yes, I do! and I do it to create a new neuro pathway the more I re-enforce it… thanks for sparking that thought..

    tonight I’ll be looking at how ” I need to make more money to be good enough for a man”. I feel this belief ( solidified by society) is hurting my dating and feeling like a siren…in order for my vibe to change, I need to feel totally enough as I am…
    OXOXO



  104.  #104Cris on September 12, 2013 at 3:01 pm

    Elsie, thanks! it’s been a pleasure and a big honour to comment something that went into your brain. You are honest. You are brave for admitting that you loves GS and that also loves CollegeCD although a bit less than he loves you. And you are brave for taking your decission despite of this “mixture” of loves. Congratulations. My heart is with you.



  105.  #105Cris on September 12, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    Lisa, I’m amazed and also honored to see that you consider my small contributions. Thanks!!



  106.  #106Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    @Cris never small an of course! <3



  107.  #107April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Thanks lovely Indigo ๐Ÿ™‚

    I don’t think anyone on here knew it was my birthday.
    Thank you for your sweet greetings.
    I feel a splash of the fountain of birthday sparkles through your message. ๐Ÿ™‚



  108.  #108Ariel on September 12, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    Hello Sirens,

    I am a learner, and I don’t get it why this new man I’m texting isn’t getting it with femininity and leaning back and all. I’m 34 and he’s 25, and he sounds very intelligent and aiming toward productive goals. I really want to meet him, but all three times he got close to asking me out, he stopped short. Ok, so I’ve been doing my best to use feeling messages and he just gets stubborn when it comes to him driving the first time to my town, which is an hour away.

    Here’s a sample of our recent text conversation, and I’ll call him Dee:

    A: I read that the true purpose of dating is to discover and heal what’s in my middle. It would feel good if both people could heal and grow through the experience. What do you think?

    D: Listen I like you…a lot!! But I feel like you want me to travel the seven seas and you won’t even cross a pond for me…figuratively speaking.

    A: Oooh, that feels weird to hear! That’s not how I feel at all! I even made myself available when I was near your city. And I meant mainly for the first time. I wonder why you contacted me if an hour is such an issue for you – cuz you knew what city I lived in from my ad when you contacted me. What do you think? I wonder if you feel more comfortable with a take charge woman.

    D: I just want a woman that I know she likes me…I don’t want to jump through loops and bounds and hope that she likes me…

    A: That feels bad to hear. I am not trying to make you jump through hoops. What do you think?

    D: I’m just saying since it’s the first time, there should be a compromise on both sides.

    A: I feel like being sarcastic and asking if I can pick you up at your door with a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates. I feel turned off when a man doesn’t step up. This feel petty. I want a relationship where it’s 100% giving and 100% giving, not 50/50.

    D: Well I guess you’re turned off by me because I won’t chase any woman.

    A: D, I feel open to you. I invite you into my life. I have hung out a big welcome sign on a number of occasions. I always come back to what Rumi, the philosopher said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. What do you think?

    D: Do you have facebook?

    A: It would feel nice to meet you in person. I am not looking to have an electronic-only relationship. What do you think?

    D: I don’t want you to lead. I just want you to be there with me…I don’t wanna feel like I’m alone. Do you have facebook?

    A: I have facebook, but I don’t want an electronic only relationship. As it is, I feel ill at ease with how long this has gone on (about 3 weeks) with little but text. It’s a recipe for disaster, from my experience.

    D: Agreed

    That was the last text. Where do I go from here?



  109.  #109Zia on September 12, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    I just wanted to address April Rose #60
    (so for you too Elsie)

    YES YES YES! I listened to a great call recently (can’t remember who this one was by) where they were talking about being on a new path, getting rid of old patterns and behaviours. And that sometimes when we’re on our way to the “new”, the universe will sometimes throw us something of the old to really test us. To really see how we’ll respond. Will we recognise it as the old and go on with the new, or will we retreat back? I have had this happen very recently myself, and have been very conscious and aware of responding in a new way.

    Thank you for reminding me of this!!



  110.  #110Zia on September 12, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    I saw White House Down, what a pair of hotties. Yum.



  111.  #111Radlove on September 12, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    April Rose,

    Happy Birthday and flying buckets of long stem roses in yellow, purple, red, blue, violet, white, and pink!

    As for your comment about Rori ripping us off by just offering a quote, I had to laugh! I feel the richness of all she has given of herself at no charge at all, and I feel so blessed to have encountered her life-changing tools! I know what you mean, tho! I just want more and more and more! That’s a rich quote tho!

    I have literally done that. Right now I just moved my 81 year old mother home from the nursing home, and it was a major decision, because she has major health problems: wheelchair, oxygen, bipap breathing machine, chronic diarrhea from cancer, and the list goes on. I had to make a choice to slow down my pace of life to accommodate 10 to 12 BM cleanups per day, when it grosses me out.

    Ah, the power of love! I just focus on her beautiful soul, and the fact that now she doesn’t spend her days in tears and loneliness! I crawl as I sit in the bathroom with her, when I have a million things to do that are “more important.” But her frequent diarrhea has become part of the choreography of my life, and we get playful as we change her “difer” (diaper).

    What was the most special part of your birthday?

    Love, Brenda



  112.  #112Elsie on September 12, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    @April Rose – HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY Birthday! ๐Ÿ™‚

    @Brenda – What a sacrifice you are making for your mother. I am in awe and am so genuinely filled with respect and wonder for you. How wonderful that you pulled her from tears and loneliness. How wonderful.



  113.  #113April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 5:35 pm

    Wow, Brenda

    Respect to you. That is one huge level of care and kindness. And love. Your Mom is one treasured lady.

    The most special part of my birthday was waking up at my aunt’s house, and her bringing me a perfect cup of hot tea in a beautiful china mug with roses painted on it. And then unwrapping her gift of a delicate scarf with pastel-coloured butterfly print.

    Thank you for the virtual roses ๐Ÿ™‚ They feel vibrant.



  114.  #114April Rose on September 12, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Aw, thanks Elsie.

    Heehee, I feel giggly. Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚



  115.  #115Radlove on September 12, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    April Rose,

    112 – Thank you! That sounds like a beautiful way to start your birth day!



  116.  #116Radlove on September 12, 2013 at 6:01 pm

    Elsie,

    111 – Thank you! It was a huge undertaking! it took days of phone calls, emails, and errands just to make it happen! And I feel peace that I did the right thing. Now my Mommy is home, and she is going to die content. I think her time is soon. I would be surprised if she lived another year. She is home on hospice care. I love her so much! She’s my best friend in the world!



  117.  #117Radlove on September 12, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    Heart,

    Happy Belated Birth Day! <3



  118.  #118Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 6:05 pm

    April Rose happy birthday dear



  119.  #119Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    Elsie you are the prize. You are the gorgeous one.



  120.  #120Elsie on September 12, 2013 at 6:46 pm

    FW – Thank you. I felt super overwhelmed reading that. And then I thought yes I am. Then, I felt guilty for being so immodest and vain. And then I thought….F it. ๐Ÿ™‚ Its the truth. ๐Ÿ™‚



  121.  #121Hana on September 12, 2013 at 6:52 pm

    Elsie, and ladies, this thread has been the most moving and relatable for me since I joined the conversations (at least as much as time allows me). Your story triggereeeeeddddd me Elsie like nobody’s business, but girl I needed it! I am seeing the complete opposite of Amir and yet his craziness for me is just as it was when Amir and I first met. I can’t help it, I’m comparing because dang it I’m still in love with the man. But funny boy is in love with me.

    I must learn from your experience, I’m so glad you shared. U follow your heart girl!



  122.  #122Hana on September 12, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    I had a good strong letting go of stress and overwhelming emotions earlier. I haven’t been able to cry completly since I started on this new path and Mr proposal… Now, I’ve got to prepare for the future. Sans Amir! Going dancing….Cris bring your champagne, and Happy Birthday ladies!!!

    Salsa is my favorite lover, I shall marry the dance! Heck, I think I already am married to it hehe

    Love love to all of you gorgeous sirens!



  123.  #123Ruth on September 12, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    why does he say he cares and loves me let me have his car for over a month. than pushes me away verbally abusive..I break it off he comes to my door . He lies , he cheats , tells his friends he isnt in a committed relationship and tells me we are than blames because of my attitude and to consider the source of my information. even when I have had pictures text and email’s . he says he does that on purpuse to see whos talking . I call bullshit and I am the one he says creating issues and parinoid????



  124.  #124LoveAlways on September 12, 2013 at 7:17 pm

    Happy Birthday AprilRose!!!!



  125.  #125Olivia on September 12, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    @Zara comment 37 advice to Elsie -YES!
    @Turquoise comment 31 to Elsie -YES!

    Elsie, I relate to this so well. GS sounds like my ex, who would always show up on the proverbial doorstep once I had started to move on.



  126.  #126LoveAlways on September 12, 2013 at 7:20 pm

    Happy Birthday Heart!!!



  127.  #127Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 7:22 pm

    I did the work on men tonight, I thought it would be on money… but it ended up on men and breasts.. but it was sooo good for me.. I felt all giggly and peaceful and bliss-ed…and I found out that ( the man doing TheWork with me) said what his experience is with breasts and men.. I was amazed.. at how I’ve thought that all men liked larger breasts and he says not true. Ok so when will I meet a man that likes small breasts… I’m curious… cuz I don’t want larger breasts… I like mine..

    In comes “G” he was going to call me Sat, then after I did the work, I get an e-mail saying can I call tonight…

    Ok I need help understanding men.. here.. I’ve been dating hard for 3 years now… and every single time it’s the same thing, they talk about themselves, the entire time. I’m ok with that for a short while. We only talked for 30 mins.. and yet, I tried hard not to interrupt but every time I thought he was going to pause so I could respond, I ended up feeling like I couldn’t get a word out much. He ask me maybe 2 questions about myself…

    We have lots in common, but I sensed that maybe not much chemistry there.. and he was vague about making a meet up date… which is a flag… usually they ask me out right away.

    But anyways… I don’t know how to deal with the fact that they only talk about themselves and why that is… I’m curious and want to understand, not judge.

    It’s easier for me to talk to men that don’t rush the convo, so I can respond and listen to them in a more easy manner…. but when they just blurt stuff out so fast, it is hard for me to respond and show I’m listening… uggg..

    OXOXO



  128.  #128Olivia on September 12, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    @Cris comment 44 –YES! I love this!

    My ex will always have my entrails perhaps but i could not be that man’s wife he drove me absolutely insane with his stubborn ways and lack of curiosity.

    I chose the one I love in a perhaps softer way, but who I think I can live with for the rest of my life.



  129.  #129Zia on September 12, 2013 at 7:27 pm

    Lisa – maybe they’re just doing their thing to impress you? I notice it a lot on first dates, but I would think that as time goes in it would change?



  130.  #130Olivia on September 12, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    @Daria: “i dont want to feel โ€˜obligatedโ€™, im healing this
    , no obligation I love you DARIA!”

    I love this as a mantra for this situation!

    I’m feeling so much good vibes on the blog tonight.

    And just 30 minutes I was feeling so triggered by my man I wanted to strangle someone or something!



  131.  #131LoveAlways on September 12, 2013 at 7:42 pm

    Elsie – I understand what you are experiencing. It is beautiful. DO NOTHING is what I feel. FEEL. Feel collegecd, don’t let that go. Receive from him, enjoy it. Observe GS. Lean back. Listen to him. Feeling messages only. Forgive me, changed man or not, I don’t feel he knows what he wants – he just wants. You are already moving along with Collegecd, don’t let anything interfere in that. Keeping “cding” but allow Collegecd to step up. I would answer his questions about GS, but I would allow myself to feel more around him and really get into him and enjoy rather than get into talks about what’s going on. Allow him to grow your connection. Treat GS like a cd, don’t get all special and foggy because of the history . . . my opinion, hope you don’t mind.

    LoveAlways



  132.  #132Zia on September 12, 2013 at 7:46 pm

    ” Treat GS like a cd, donโ€™t get all special and foggy because of the history” <– love this



  133.  #133Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 8:05 pm

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/page/12/

    If you encounter a man whoโ€™s stuck โ€“ instead of trying to dig him out, try accepting his stuckness, seeing that itโ€™s possibly mirroring a kind of stuckness of your OWN, and just moving on to the next unknowable moment.

    Forgive him, forgive yourself for anything or any thought or belief or judgment youโ€™re holding onto, and just float into the next moment with your arms and your heart open wide.

    If you like, try gathering your desire for what you want for your life, and see how it can possibly overpower your desire for a particular man.

    Gather your desire together, feel itโ€™s strength, and harness it for your brave ride into the unknown.

    You donโ€™t have to โ€œlet goโ€ of a man who canโ€™t ride with you (or doesnโ€™t want to) โ€“ just feel your desire lift you up and carry you onward.

    Love, Rori



  134.  #134Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    @Zia Yeah I think about that, and yet most of the time it doesn’t go away… for me… so far. “R” was the closest so far..

    but when doing a first time talk on the phone…. it’s hard to know if you want to go out with someone if all they ( meaning me) have done is be a sounding board… you know..

    and this guy didn’t even wait until the first date to talk about his ex’s… he just jumped right on in first 5 mins of convo..our first chat on the phone before meeting.

    but he gave himself away.. too so I pay attention.. he said he was really hurt by his last relationship b/c she was beautiful and had lots of money and he stayed with her too long b/c of that and then she broke his heart…

    I think right now I’m being tested on the wounded man deal… to see if I’ll go back to old pattern of being a nurturer or fixer and be a therapist for these men that tell me all their troubles right off in the get go… if not then I’m blind to what’s going on…

    “M2” did that “R” just did it… telling me all his troubles of past breakups and his dad’s abuse.. and they all say, your so easy to talk to… OK but that doesn’t mean I’m your person therapist… uggg..

    I think it is a good thing to be easy for men to talk to… but how to do that without them dumping their problems or pain.

    frustrating.. I go to therapy that is what I do to de-stress… I don’t dump it on my circle dates…

    I love men, but sometimes it is frustrating.. I want to wipe this “nurturer” sign off my head…

    OXOXOX



  135.  #135Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    It takes a lot of work for a woman to appreciate a man who wants her. Weโ€™re just all wired to want a man who rejects us. Itโ€™s imprinted in our cells.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/attraction/how-men-are-like-women-they-want-whats-not-available-just-like-we-do/#more-4287



  136.  #136Femininewoman on September 12, 2013 at 8:15 pm

    “Hereโ€™s the deal: Iโ€™m always telling women that what men say and do in the moment doesnโ€™t mean ANYTHING.

    That if theyโ€™re still married, or with their girlfriend โ€“ thatโ€™s where they want to be โ€“ no matter WHAT they say to you.

    There are men who WANT to be with women who treat them badly and cheat on them, and even though they may love being around a great woman like the women here โ€“ it doesnโ€™t mean thatโ€™s what he wants deep down.

    A great many of us are simply โ€œscrewed upโ€ and want what doesnโ€™t actually feel good.”

    Rori



  137.  #137Indigo on September 12, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    Beautiful advice to you here Else.

    FW,

    “You are the gorgeous one”

    Thanks for the proper perspective FW, love this.

    Zia,

    Re: the universe sending you something to test whether you will go back to the old ways. Yes, I have found this. Now that D is no longer in my life, another man has come along interested in me, with shades of D’s exact behavior. But this time, the penny dropped and I said to myself…. no. Doesn’t feel good to me.



  138.  #138Lisa on September 12, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    Great post of Rori’s @FW…

    side note:
    I’ve found this to be true in the past 20 years of being single…

    Here is an example also of that subject..

    http://digitalromanceinc.com/mens/how-to-spot-a-commitment-phobic-before-he-breaks-your-heart-part-1/

    OXOX



  139.  #139Zia on September 12, 2013 at 9:17 pm

    Indigo – I’m feeling in the middle of it at the moment with my ex. I’m putting all of my tools to use at the moment and it feels good. Doesn’t matter what he does/say/thinks, I am looking after me ๐Ÿ™‚



  140.  #140Emerson on September 12, 2013 at 9:42 pm

    36 FW yes this is so true. I am taking myself to the beach tomorrow to romance myself.



  141.  #141Millie on September 12, 2013 at 11:16 pm

    @32 Lisa–

    Aww thank you! I hope I do become a beautiful siren one day….

    I hear you on getting your hopes up! I feel I embrace many different personalities and traits with men, I do feel open and intrigued by different types of people…and I also love the stimulation! So I also get my hopes up with people…and I wonder why they don’t seem to feel as excited as me? Not necessarily for the committment but for the experience…. I also feel “let down” a lot…I’d rather feel that than be someone with no expectations at all that never feels hopeful about anything. I’m no sourpuss…..

    It’s nice to believe “he’s out there” but I hear you on accepting the reality that maybe he isn’t or we’ll never find each other…It’s a hard reality to accept, but I would encourage you not to accept that until the day you are truly on your last leg…you never know what will happen or who will show up. That keeps me going, that keeps me looking forward to meeting whoever comes to my life.



  142.  #142Millie on September 12, 2013 at 11:26 pm

    I realized today how my past experience with a certain man has shaped how I view interactions with men. In a way, I have “trained” myself to expect “the other shoe to drop.” I find myself more comfortable thinking a man won’t call or will stop responding, than thinking a man will! I got so used to how my old man acted with me that I trained myself to expect nothing from him. And now I find myself having the same thoughts about new men….Like-oh he probably won’t follow up, or oh- I probably won’t hear from him for days…more often than not, the new men prove me wrong and that feels good. Good to know that these new men aren’t my EX. That it doesn’t have to be like that….it shouldn’t be like that. I see that I have so much fear because I have built myself that way….it is very interesting. I’m trying to change the tape in my head.



  143.  #143Cris on September 13, 2013 at 12:24 am

    Millie, it is so interesting this kind of habit of not expecting anything… at the end of the day it is a wise thing as this way everything that you get will be a nice surprise!! I have tried to train myself on that but not succeed! So why do you want to get rid of it? Suppose it is because it make you think, let’s say unfairly, with regards to some good men.
    All the best



  144.  #144Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 2:47 am

    Femininwoman…Thanks for the kind reply. Agreed. I did change my thinking from Circular dating doesn’t work to ร–MG…Thank God for circular dating. I probably did get a little more emotionally invested in him that I should have…thus the still thinking about him after the break up…but I was seeing other people and for some odd reason I’m the prize pig at the county fair right now….6 dates in two weeks. I did allow him to shut me down at the end of the relationship and I think you are spot on about him putting his needs before mine…Looking back, the gifts, the future plans, the fun times we had were about him and what he wanted. And what he wanted was a girlfriend RIGHT NOW. He wanted to quickly conquer me and get me under his control. We had a minor disagreement once and he got up and walked out and wouldn’t let me speak at all.

    And thanks for posting Rori’s quote about meeting a guy who is stuck. He did tell me one time that his relationships haven’t lasted because he gets bored easily…so yeah, he’s stuck in his own cycle of instant gratification then instant dissatisfaction.

    And special thanks for reposting this from Rori ”If you like, try gathering your desire for what you want for your life, and see how it can possibly overpower your desire for a particular man.”’ It really resonated with me.
    When I sat here tonight and gathered my thoughts for what I want in life, even before I found out he was not a good man, I don’t see how he or his lifestyle fit into mine. And it really did overpower my desire for him. PS I did ask some guy friends and they each agreed with you…he is needy. No mature man gets that involved with that many women that quickly and so rudely dumps them. Women are not things in life that he cherishes and loves…they fill a void. I am not on this earth to fill someone’s void. That is one thing I am sure of.
    PS I think your generous in your three year prediction…I give it three months.



  145.  #145Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 2:49 am

    Yay right back at ya Daria



  146.  #146Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 3:16 am

    Yaaaaay…I had a date tonight and I leaned back and sat centered in myself. I felt safe and relaxed and completely ok with where I was and what I was doing. Don’t know where this is going…he’s a poor communicator and a bit awkward but I gave him space and time in the conversation to gather his thoughts and just be himself. It was a first date and he was very uncomfortable. Gave me a chance to see what my awkwardness looks like on a date. He sure talked a mile a minute and it wasn’t a glorious love connection meeting…but I didn’t judge his nervousness and I didn’t try to fix it. I was just there experiencing it all and being open to who his is. It was really strange…he is a very successful, good looking man and my calmness just threw him for a loop. With that type of guy I’m typically the super nervous one. He was late for the date and I think he expected either that I would be a good little girl and not bring it up or that I would be outraged. I was neither. I said nicely…I felt strange sitting in a bar alone. Glad you finally found the place but I certainly hope this isn’t a trend. Then completely let it go.
    At the end of the date (which I ended) I could tell that he felt like I was blowing him off. When I said I needed to go he said ok…I’ll be fine. No offer to walk me to my car. I sincerely felt how embarrassed he was. So I said, I do need to leave soon but I would be happy to stay while you finish your drink. He relaxed, finished his drink and then said “Well let me walk you to your car” On the way out…I said, “Thanks for walking me out…it would have felt strange for you to not walk me to my car” He said “you’re right, I don’t know why I didn’t offer at first” And he said it in such a way that I realized he was just noticing what a dork he was being. When he asked me if I would like to see him again I looked him straight in the eyes and said Absolutely. I could see the shock on his face and he said REALLY? I know he thought he blew it…and that he had really screwed up this date with his awkwardness…but I was accepting and open and didn’t judge. Poor guy, never dated a Rori Raye girl before I bet. Probably still shaking his head.
    Who knows if we’ll go out again but I did feel like I was where I was supposed to be tonight…Others things I felt on the date….
    I felt strong
    I felt able
    I felt glad
    I felt like I was experiencing someone else and not expecting anything.
    I felt confident that I’m growing
    And more importantly for the very first time with a very attractive and successful guy I didn’t just feel it but I believed that I was the prize. I think he believed it to..te he!



  147.  #147sophie on September 13, 2013 at 4:21 am

    Hi Sirens

    I’m so sorry I’ve not been able to keep up – i’ve been through so much change with CDB – for the last 10 weeks he has been suspended from his job – its a long story but basically they had no reason for the suspension and now they have chosen to dismiss him – he is going to take them to tribunal and i can’t see they have a chance of winning but the process could take time it looks like discrimination if not racism and his case after 6 years of service with them is much stronger than theirs…we shall see

    the whole thing has brought him very close to me and ive mentioned noticing his energy coming towards me on a deeper level and with great consistency – he has found with me a safe place i think and im glad that he has felt that with me – i have seen it and felt it with all of his actions

    whilst we go through all of these changes he would like to move in with me and he says as my partner – he says he wants to keep letting go of the chains that he has allowed to keep him from intimacy – he wants a life with me

    he is a man of integrity as much as these circumstances have influenced these actions they are authentic – i don’t doubt for a second the honesty of his words – it does seem to me that sometimes a man needs a push and possibly this was his push

    How do I feel? I feel as exhausted as him by the last few weeks. I feel comfortable and tender with him. I feel peaceful. I feel loyal and I feel that loyalty returned. I also feel loyal to myself and have been open with him about my wants and needs and feel heard by him. I feel hopeful and like I want to try this out

    I am away this weekend and have space for myself to really absorb what has been happening and what may happen now

    love to you all xxx



  148.  #148Daria on September 13, 2013 at 5:22 am

    Happy Birthday April Rose!



  149.  #149Daria on September 13, 2013 at 5:23 am

    (((((Radlove)))))



  150.  #150Daria on September 13, 2013 at 5:23 am

    Olivia it feels so good to see you mention me and my words… yay I feel loved… and embarassed to feel this way



  151.  #151Daria on September 13, 2013 at 5:25 am

    Thank you FeminineWoman for posting the Rori words

    I realize I’m placing way high value on the words a man says in the moment

    still take it seriously when they say im falling in love

    and also other things BookieMan has said including obsessing to remember the EXACT phrasing he used… smh

    well i will practice not placing weight on that!

    yay!



  152.  #152Daria on September 13, 2013 at 5:28 am

    Lisa – re: men talking about themselves non-stop

    a challenging part of this for me (and still is) that I got from Rori is to say…

    “hmm I’m feeling like I can’t get a word in edgewise”

    or “hmmm I love hearing about you and actually I notice I’m feeling a bit unheard here myself… what do you think?”

    yes it takes bravery to be this honest and thats what makes us grow in authenticity and attracts men

    they can then have a choice to adjust their behavior (or not and then we see what they can offer, and respond again with a feeling message, perhaps even “walk away”)



  153.  #153Daria on September 13, 2013 at 5:48 am

    watching a movie about a girl CDing 2 guys… she needs another to not get in the bounce aeffect



  154.  #154Daria on September 13, 2013 at 5:49 am

    i feel scared and guilty for her just watching this

    aack!

    i intend to heal!



  155.  #155karena on September 13, 2013 at 6:10 am

    The bullshit stops NOW



  156.  #156Radlove on September 13, 2013 at 6:21 am

    (y) <3 (((((( Daria ))))) (y) <3

    I miss the blog and all the craziness here! ๐Ÿ™‚ Going to try to stop in more frequently. What a unique place! I learned and grew so, so much here in the past 3.5 years, like a major in relationships and inner healing! I love you all!



  157.  #157Elsie on September 13, 2013 at 6:48 am

    I was thinking – if you were all to bet on it – would ANY OF YOU have thought that GS would have shown up on my doorstep? Never. LOL. NEVER. And I told him that yesterday. Sigh.

    #126 @ Olivia – When you chose the softer love, did you ever have any feelings of regret, because you did not choose the man that your entrails loved? (Man, I love this saying.)

    #129 @LoveAlways – I am feeling. But I am “feeling” overwhelmed by both men. I do feel love from so many places, and that is overwhelming too because I have never had it. Foggy – yes….I am FOGGY.

    #133 @FW – Yes. Maybe I just want GS now that he is back because he rejected me, and now I feel so special. Well, I am special. I am special, but also special to him. He has never done the work or felt this way about anyone – so that makes me feel really unique and it makes me feel wonderful.

    #134 FW – Yes. What they say and what they DO. I am going to have a talk with GS today because of this post of yours. I need to have a clarity from him as to what this all actually MEANS. What does he intend by this? I know he loves me and doesnt want me to date other people (as Mercedes said) but what does that have to do with me and him, and our future – what is different now?

    On another note – I can not thank you girls enough. Honestly. This blog is a place of emotional refuge and safety for me – where I know I will get sound advice, even if it may not be what I want to hear, it will be what I need to hear. And likely, it will be presented in a way that resonates with me that I never had thought of before. Its like a therapy session every time. Thank you so so so much!



  158.  #158Linda on September 13, 2013 at 6:59 am

    Morning Blog. Just getting caught up this morning.

    There is such a Great energy out here. So many great comments. Self revealing stories that help me so much. I love the little snippets that cause a puzzle piece I have been studying and trying to get to fit…to just suddenly fit into place for me.

    Hooray for us. We are on our journeys and paths and not alone while we are walk, run, crawl..it feels comforting.

    FavoriteCD is back in town and is in HOT pursuit again. You were right FW. I dont know what the heck my vibe is saying but I wish I could bottle it for later LOL.

    I do have a bad left over tape from my last relationship. Actually FavoriteCD triggers it when he tells me I am sexy, desirable etc. Something I should believe and want to hear. Instead I feel resistent and nervous when I hear those kinds of things spoken to me. When I dug deeper into that soup…I found a tape playing… it has sadly become embeded in my belief system.. I hear the man from my last relationship saying… I was not thin enough, sexy enough, pretty enough… not a VIXEN. That is just wasnt all there. (OMG I STILL HATE it)… but I believe it. WHen FavoriteCD has told me, I am sexy… beautiful.. HOT. I immediately think..”huh ? are you adressing me” cause… how can you think things like that about ME?

    Not sure how to silence it.

    Sometimes I feel un-nerved when he said/says things about how desirable I am. I clearly know I was with the wrong man before. I clearly know too that his words are stuck. This needs to be healed.



  159.  #159Linda on September 13, 2013 at 7:05 am

    FW @ 133 – It does feel like work to appreciate a man who wants to be with me at times… this hits me as so true today, just where my journey has me today.



  160.  #160Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 7:10 am

    Good morning beautiful sirens,

    I have a question. My man and I sometimes send naughty videos back and forth while we are apart. He sent me one this morning telling me that he made it this morning. He does not remember that he already sent me that one. Grrrr… It made me feel like I am not the only one he is sending these to. I asked him again if he made the video this morning and He lied ๐Ÿ™

    I did not request the video or anything. He sent it out of the blue and lied to me about it being done this morning. Hoe do I handle this one?



  161.  #161Millie on September 13, 2013 at 7:10 am

    @Cris–I think because “expecting nothing” can be interpreted two ways. One way is being open to anything that happens, the other is expecting he will do nothing. I see that I am afraid of being treated like my EX treated me and perhaps I am projecting that fear in new connections. On one hand, I feel hope soaring through me and excitement and on the other I am so scared of this amazing feeling that I damper it with thoughts of- well I probably won’t hear from him again…because my EX was very inconsistent. I agree with you that “no expectations” is a great thing, but expecting a man to treat me as he treated me is a different story…



  162.  #162Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 7:15 am

    How not hoe lol



  163.  #163Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 7:23 am

    Linda…Regarding your tape. I go through a similar thing…except with me it’s that if a guy says anything nice I remember all the nice things my ex said to me and then cheated and dumped me. So I don’t believe a word a guy says. Which is actually a good thing, I suppose because actions are what we are supposed to pay attention to. But maybe that can help you…whether he is telling you that you are sexy or pretty or hot is irrelevant. Is he treating you as if you are? If so, the tape doesn’t matter. And this guy believes that you are, which you are!…what is to make you believe that since one guy uttered some rude comments to you in a past relationship that he knows everything and what he thinks is obviously the final truth in the world. That is giving him a great deal of credit he doesn’t deserve. If he is all knowing, please give me his contact number I have a few questions about the meaning of life I’d like answered ๐Ÿ™‚ And think of this…Maybe, just maybe you are sexy and pretty and this previous guy didn’t notice. Maybe he was stuck…just like I bet there are a few guys in your past that you overlooked and were completely wrong about. Try the tricks to turn off that tape and replace those thoughts with things that make you feel good. Rewire your thinking! Have a great day!



  164.  #164Indigo on September 13, 2013 at 7:37 am

    Elsie 153,

    I knew GS would be back. I have been through this situation myself a few times and would have been amazed if he had *not* come back.

    The question is, do you pick up what he is putting down? Do you accept what he is offering, regardless of how your entrails feel about him? I feel worried for you, and I really would like to encourage you not to get too caught up in the words that he says.

    Sending you ((hugs))



  165.  #165Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 7:42 am

    Elsie…I wish I could answer that question for you. What a TOUGH TOUGH place to be but what if we looked at it as the exact right place you are supposed to be in at the exact right time. What if??? Hmmm! GS seems to have popped back in as soon as your vibe changed…(Most exes do come back…reminds me of an episode of Seinfeld where they compared a break up to knocking over a soda machine…can’t just go up and push it over, you gotta rock it back and forth a couple times before it falls…analogy about breaking up and getting back together several times before really ending it for good) So perhaps this is just one of those types of relationships that will end again…if so, then you must protect your heart and just experience this as I wonder if another traumatic break up with GS would possible affect your feelings for collegeCD. So just go gently into this with your heart protected but open. Protect the great relationship with collegeCD while exploring the situation with GS. Think of it this way, as we get older we are less likely to where knee pads and elbow pads while riding a bike…because we get confident we won’t fall. But if it doesn’t affect the ride and you aren’t uncomfortable in them…why not keep the pads on, just in case? it’s not being overly cautious…as a person who recently took a good spill on my bike…I’m wearing them.
    My last relationship left me spinning…he was sooo sweet and nice and really committed…but I jumped in too soon and didn’t protect my precious heart by keeping my options open and waiting until I really knew him before I invested myself emotionally. I got b-slapped into reality over a very short weekend and ouch!!!! GS has some work to do to get your heart back. But one last word of caution, please please don’t let GS get into your mind too much and let him destroy the relationship you have with collegeCD. When you say you are dating “future GS” I think another way of looking at it is that you are also dating “Past GS” The guy that rejected you…the guy he was before he rejected you. Where does he fit in your life? Was he the perfect man before? If he hadn’t rejected you, and you know what you know now…would you have dumped him? All good food for thought. Sorry for rambling. LOL! Great day to you



  166.  #166Indigo on September 13, 2013 at 7:47 am

    Linda 154,

    I used to have a nasty inner voice like that too. Gradually I have tamed it, though it still gets unruly sometimes. When it starts its yapping when someone pays me a compliment I smile really big at the nasty voice and say, “you silly little voice. How silly of you to say such things”. I don’t try to banish it, I laugh at it until I see it for what it is, a silly voice that doesn’t deserve any more of my attention. I’ve found its effect on my life has lessened dramatically.

    What I am trying to tackle now are the beliefs which keep me from requiring a true high quality relationship. Am I afraid of intimacy, of a man treating me well? Am I afraid of expressing what I don’t like out of fear? I think the answer to all of these questions has been to a certain extent, yes.

    I have to be careful, like Rori has always been saying, not to let my desire for a man (or to be validated, or whatever) lead me to want him more than he wants me, lead me lose touch with my real feelings, or to become de-sensitized to treatment which is below what I deserve. Feels like a fascinating journey of love for myself.



  167.  #167Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 7:53 am

    156- Well he just admitted that he was lying about the video but gave no explanation as to why.

    I feel so upset. If he lies about the small things, how am I supposed to be able to trust him?

    I really don’t know how to handle this. I feel like I should walk away but every time I try, he talks me in to coming back. I come back because I love and miss him. I feel so weak and confused.



  168.  #168Elsie on September 13, 2013 at 7:53 am

    @Indigo – Thank you for being concerned for me – that is awesome, feels awesome. That someone that doesnt really know me would be concerned and worried. Thank you. I am very surprised you thought he would come back. I honestly NEVER thought he would be back. Like Mercedes, I had truly 100% started to move on thinking he would never be back.

    @Amanda – I had CHILLS reading your first line. Since the beginning with GS I have had a very clear “you are right where you are supposed to be” feeling with him. I lost it for a while but I feel it again very strongly. I do think I”m supposed to be where I am not in my life. Thank you for saying this – its like G0D telling me through you ๐Ÿ™‚ And I love your analogy of keeping the kneepads on. I love it. It sounds more kind than building walls up. ๐Ÿ™‚ Please do not ever think you are rambling! It all helps very much – you are 100% right!!! I am also dating Past GS., the one that hurt me, and left me. I need to remember that – a lot. And often.

    Thank you all of you!



  169.  #169Elsie on September 13, 2013 at 7:55 am

    @Alhakale – I am VERY VERY worried. I feel overwhelmingly concerned. I dont think that a person could “forget” that they sent a naughty video. I think your concerns are very well founded. If it were me (just my opinion) I would think long and hard before I sent another one. Are you in an exclusive relaitonship with him? How often do you see him? How long have you been seeing him? I would be very wary of ever sending him anything else. I do think that this is a red flag.



  170.  #170Daria on September 13, 2013 at 7:59 am

    Alhakale – CDing is what helps one not be weak. even just coffee dates with guys you dont kiss or even like. it helps. babysteps



  171.  #171Daria on September 13, 2013 at 8:00 am

    Elsie – lol um yah, i woulda won that bet. i bet (again) that if you hang out on the blog enough you’ll start winning bets on men coming back too… again and again



  172.  #172Daria on September 13, 2013 at 8:01 am

    it’s one of those Magic things that Rori’s stuff really impresses me with

    teh river of men and how they all come back



  173.  #173Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 8:02 am

    @Alhakale I’m with @Elsie on this one. It’s one of those moments that after you break up you’ll be saying ร–H NO, why didn’t I trust my instincts on that one? Agreed, need a bit more info to make a clear call. But yeah, stop sending this guy or any guy naughty videos until you are in a committed relationship with them. It’s just too risky…for the obvious reasons of social media (UGH) and for your heart…how will you feel if you break up knowing he has those videos? YUCK. I just got a huge knot in my stomach for you. Honestly the next time you see him, I would even confront him and tell him you will never speak to him again if he doesn’t erase those videos he has of you while you watch. Just to let him know that you thought you could trust him, but now are not very sure and if he respects you he will delete them. If he won’t…well there’s your answer.



  174.  #174Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 8:06 am

    @ Elsie- Thank you for responding. We are in an exclusive relationship and have been for six months. I see him every weekend and usually one day during the week. I agree, how can you forget you sent that? I feel deep down that he is sexting someone else. He has mentioned before that he has had issues in the past with being faithful. He told me he use to just “talk” to other women in past relationships to boost his self esteem. I keep seeing red flags but I just can’t seem to let him go.

    When I try to break it off, he constantly texts and calls until I agree to give him another try. Ugh…
    I feel exhausted.



  175.  #175Cris on September 13, 2013 at 8:09 am

    @Alkahale: have some energy drink from this blog’s fridge and RUN



  176.  #176Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Thank you Daria and Amanda.

    We are exclusive or at least that is what we are supposed to be.

    I would never send videos to him if we were not exclusive. He says every day that he wants to marry me.

    Sometimes I feel like he wants a “main” woman in his life and still have other women on the side. I don’t know that for sure though and am afraid that I am just being paranoid, until something like this happens.



  177.  #177Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 8:16 am

    @ Cris- I feel I should do that at times but then my love for him makes me want to not give up on him.

    He cries and tells me he has changed and begs me not to give up on him.



  178.  #178Elsie on September 13, 2013 at 8:19 am

    @Daria – yes, you would have won. I would have bet against you LOL – I never ever thought he would be back. And not only that – in the time frame Rori said (about 8 weeks) LOL! No way!!!

    @Cris – very good advice.

    @Alhakale – Yes. I know you love him and are attached to him. But this man does not respect you. I can guarantee 100% he is sexting someone else. For sure. 100%. Maybe more than one. Please do not trust him with your heart or more videos. Please have him delete the ones he has. Please listen to Daria and Circular Date. Please leave this man. I know you love him, and that is your oxytocin connected to him, and its chemical. Just completely have no contact and then it will start to fade, and you will find someone that you never have to even give this a thought. Ipromise.



  179.  #179Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 8:24 am

    @Elsie- 100 % ? Ugh… I feel that is true and it crushes my heart. Why I keep believing his words is beyond me.

    How do I do this? I don’t even know what to say. I will miss his kids and family too.

    This feels so dark.



  180.  #180Rori Raye on September 13, 2013 at 8:41 am

    Ariel – why would you pour so much energy into this? Either he’s curious and willing to drive to meet you or he’s not – AND, Ariel – there’s NOTHING wrong with you meeting him halfway the first time you meet – you’re supposed to meet in a neutral place anyway – the question is, what happens AFTER that? There is no way for anyone to “like” anyone until you meet in person.

    This man is AWFULLY young. He for sure doesn’t know what he wants about ANYTHING yet, and he says “he doesn’t chase women” – isn’t that enough of a clue to leave him be? Love, Rori



  181.  #181Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 9:00 am

    @Veronica I’m with you on that! <3 Me too!



  182.  #182sequoia on September 13, 2013 at 9:05 am

    Hi sirens and Rori
    I wanted to search the site on channeling – things to do to love yourself and treat you well, but I realised there is no search option any longer. Does anyone know which posts are inspiring? Thanks for your help.



  183.  #183Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 9:07 am

    @Daria you are correct! I do need to be brave enough to do that…

    I guess I’ve waited until things progress far enough to use my feeling messages and I see that is for my comfort level and to avoid embarassment…

    Thanks for bringing that to my attention!

    @Dominique I HOPE so in the realm of sex… since men tend to start dropping off and down at age 50…. but at least I know it is possible to have great sex after 50… Thanks! <3

    OXOXO



  184.  #184Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 9:11 am

    @Amanda <3 ๐Ÿ™‚ Makes me smile

    @Sophie <3 <3



  185.  #185Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 9:13 am

    Alhakale – as far as I am concerned you do nothing you say nothing. Just drop all communication from your end. Let him come towards you. Then you share your truth. I guarantee the level of respect he has for you will increase exponentially.

    The thing is you say he does not remember. This could be chemically related. It is possible he doesn’t remember because his memory isn’t working well. You don’t know for sure he is sexting other females. If in your gut you have been feeling something for a while then you have all reason to feel suspicions and make up stories. Just that I encourage you not to make up stories. I encourage you to speak up. His comments and actions leaves you feeling unsettled so now you don’t know if you are on the same page. After this period of time you want to know you can trust him and that you are exclusive. Maybe he has changed his mind about the exclusivity agreement, which I hope you had discussed. It is okay if he changed his mind, he has a right. Just that you want to know so you don’t strung along. You might feel like falling apart when talking about it but trust me, he will experience you as confident.

    It might just be meaniless texting to him but you feel uncomfortable about it. He might need that kind of flirting but it doesn’t mean he has done anything physically with anyone. Obviously for you it is a red flag. Obviously he is crossing a boundary for you here but does he know how this can make you feel? Did you know you had this boundary for yourself? Now that you know how are you going to honor yourself? Can you accept this behavior in your life.

    These are some questions I believe you might need to answer internally. Remember he has a right to do whatever he wants. Remember a threat, ultimatum or coaxing won’t change this behavior if he doesn’t want to. He is showing you who he is. He already knows what’s wrong with him.



  186.  #186Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 9:16 am

    @Elsie <3 and GS came back… I think I thought he would too… {{{hugs}}}

    I feel certain "M" won't come back… there just doesn't feel like anything there anymore… the more I have let it go, the more I see the deception that was there with him. I'll be shocked beyond belief if he shows up… and it's been 2mos…

    and I'm shocked that "G" e-mailed me today to ask me on a date… well I really didn't peg this one…

    OXOXO



  187.  #187Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 9:18 am

    “I asked him again if he made the video this morning and He lied”

    I understand that men will lie for different reasons. One is that he is afraid of your emotional response. He does not want to get into drama and he wants to keep you happy.

    I would not take his lying personal. He has not learned as yet what happens when he lies about things that are important to you. Now you have your opportunity to NOT reinforce this behavior. I believe Mercedes might have some great words on how to call him out on this one while at the same time maintaining your female grace and dignity.



  188.  #188Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 9:45 am

    @Femininewoman- This makes me feel more calm.
    I did not talk to him about it, he came to me and apologized for lying.

    He said he was trying to make me smile and now remembers sending it to me a couple of weeks ago.

    He said he never wants me to feel hurt or upset and he realized how this would have made him feel.

    I’m still going to keep my eyes open. The feeling I have may be right but I guess it could be wrong too.



  189.  #189Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 9:46 am

    Then again it is 2 months.

    Is your script ready should he reappear?



  190.  #190Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 9:50 am

    Alkahale that feeling is what you need to remain open about discussing.



  191.  #191Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 9:54 am

    @Femininewoman- Thank you so much.

    I hope I say the right things



  192.  #192Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 9:57 am

    I wouldn’t even encourage you to keep your eyes. I would encourage you to live your life. Find a way to cdate and remain open to life and to the world. I feel concerned about your comment that you are “supposed to be” exclusive. I would look for a segue to discuss this with him when convenient mainly because I sense you have doubts about this. It is okay to ask what do you see for us in the future. These kinds of blunders can create room for more connection and moving things to the next level. If we are willing to be authentic with our feelings. This experience can be used as a stepping stone to build trust. Your are now in the power seat.



  193.  #193Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 10:08 am

    We discuss being exclusive on a regular basis. He just said last night that he wants me to be his wife, so I know that cdating would be considered cheating by him.

    He would never want me to know if he is talking or texting other women because he has made it clear that he wants to marry me.

    My concern is that he wants me but he also wants the high from feeling wanted by other women. Of course, without me knowing.



  194.  #194Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 10:13 am

    RE 166 – Alkahale love is supposed to be easy. If you are feeling weak it is your body talking to you. Stop ignoring it. This comment screams to me that you need to let him know that you feel uncomfortable with the exclusivity agreement. You are entitled to change your mind. You don’t have to walk away just date him while dating other people. Just because you are dating others doesn’t mean you have to sleep with them. You can let him know you are sexually exclusive with him but will reopen your options to date others. What has he offered you for you to take yourself off the market, even though you don’t feel save and secure?



  195.  #195Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 10:14 am

    I feel no desire to try to change him. I just do not want to be led to believe he is faithful and commited and then find out he has a side of himself that he is hiding from me. The same way he did in his past relationships.



  196.  #196Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 10:20 am

    We are supposed to get married on Jan 1st.

    I feel fear that I am feeling this way just because he was honest with me about his past. I also feel that I feel fear because in my first marriage, I was cheated on A LOT. In that marriage, when he cheated it was strictly sexual. I have fear that from that and I feel that it has carried over to this relationship. But when lies to me, it seems to reinforce that fear.



  197.  #197Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 10:25 am

    He has offered me a loving and faithful marriage with his words and for the most part his actions.

    There are just these red flag moments that make me feel confused.



  198.  #198Jammy85 on September 13, 2013 at 10:56 am

    Ladies, I need your help. I think my bf has a drink problem…..I don’t know what to do…..I feel really helpless and alone ๐Ÿ™



  199.  #199Angel on September 13, 2013 at 11:29 am

    I’m feeling empty. Trying to locate a feeling in my body. My chest feels a little bubbly. No, I’m really not empty. I’m actually feeling quite happy and content. Relaxed. My shoulders tense when I think about feeling happy. Yuck, I feel bad feeling happy. I shouldn’t feel happy, I haven’t ‘done’ enough today. I’ve just generally lazed about. Gosh I feel tense, my eyes are tearing up and I feel a bit sad. Dropping my feelings, breathing from my pelvis. Aaah. It passed away.

    I get so surprised and astonished, what happens when I just stop what I’m doing and try to just feel. I often find myself going a few rounds of different feelings just ‘plopping up’ randomly. But taking just five minutes to allow myself to feel them is so freeing and when I’ve done this I feel so ready and open to engage with the world. I’m fully convinced finding Rory’s work has changed the direction of my life drastically for the better ๐Ÿ™‚



  200.  #200Angel on September 13, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Jammy85 – I’m not the right person for giving advice, but I feel with you and send hugs to you sister.

    Sequoia (#181) – Perhaps you’ll find something by using the post directory https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/post-directory/



  201.  #201Syreena on September 13, 2013 at 11:55 am

    Elsie, it makes no difference what a man says his intentions are in the moment unless his actions match what he said he intended.

    So if what he is saying is that he wants a year to get his act together and the he ‘intends’ to offer you a realtionship. And he wants you to stop dating in the meantime and wait until he is ready at this moment in time he is not offering you what you want.

    So my question is why are you considering waiting and not cding?

    If he needs more time, then he needs more time, take as much time as he wants but we don’t wait while he takes that time and out our lives on hold for something that may never happen.



  202.  #202Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 12:01 pm

    Yayy you Karena



  203.  #203Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 12:08 pm

    Elsie one thing I can guarantee you is that a man will not change his agenda or focus for you. Whatever his plans are he will stay his course no matter what you want. He only changes if HE wants to. If you turned the “stop dating others” table on him you might just be surprised.

    Find his language and tell stories. If he is into real estate I am sure he will understand that no house owner takes a home off the market before being offered the best price. If he is a car salesman tell him no salesman takes the lowest offer that undercuts his commission if there is an offer on the table that at least causes him to break even. Speak his language if you are going to negotiate. Just be aware that if he changes his plans just to suit you it might be shortlived….until he starts to feel resentful. Love is not enough. At least not for men. I know many a man who wants to know what you bring to the table. Don’t sell yourself short. Men feel emotions in short bursts.



  204.  #204Heart on September 13, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Elsie – I thought GS would show back up…Yet, I didn’t expect him to be pining away and so love sick…This is really mean but โ†’ ahahaha oh how the mighty have fallen. Karma.

    Love Always & Radlove thank you.



  205.  #205Heart on September 13, 2013 at 12:57 pm

    Blog – Would you help me with something?
    I find in my dating experience I’m confused a bit about ‘Being an invitation’. Sometimes men I meet and date do things I don’t like -For example : Take to long to ask me out iniyially, take too long too ask me out again, disappear for a bit and show back up.
    Lately I’ve been just ignoring those kinds of ppl but I would like to practice being an invitation & keeping my heart open as practice.

    I feel a litte confused by Being an Invitation and Being a Siren…in some ways they seem to conflict. I think that being nice to a wishy washy man would make me low value? On the other hand a Siren’s heart is suppose to be open & loving..I’m kinda confused by what a girl’s suppose to do…ve nice to the guys or ignore them?
    This conflict shows up again and again and again throughout my dating experience.

    Any thoughts or input would be Appreciated.



  206.  #206Heart on September 13, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Alkahade – ask him why he lied?



  207.  #207Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    Heart what is your definition of being a siren?
    Same for invitation?
    What is your belief around those?
    And what is your mindset?

    These are the questions that helped me clarify what I wanted to BE in terms of these concepts.



  208.  #208Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    @ Heart I’ve struggled with this also and I’m learning for me… is to have a limit..

    I was reading a dating newsletter the other day, I can’t remember it.. but basically what Rori had said that hit home with me. Is to drop the confused ones… I figure I’ll be an invitation and open etc. and still have my limits.. like with “L” he said he wanted to get to know me and for me to be his GF… I said in my feeling messages that is so nice and I have to meet you in person and get to know a man before I become their GF… and he hasn’t made a move…in a while. So for me, I dropped it, b/c he has had plenty of time. I move on…

    Same with “J” he e-mailed me said he was anxious about calling me and would muster up the nerve to do so, he had several days, and then no contact. Ok so I gave him 2 chances…then I’m done… move on ( of course I didn’t say that to them, I just emotionally cut the cord)

    I guess what I’m saying is that I listen to my intuition and then follow Rori’s advice and drop the confused….. ( it was in one of her newsletters recently).

    I pay attention to their actions more than their words…

    Since “R” came along and called me every day, was excited to see me, meet me, drove 14 hrs to do so, and then followed up every date with a I had a great time, when can I see you again… I realize now… what I want and what feels good to me… so now my standards are higher…

    I figure if a man really wants me, he’ll do what he needs to do to see me… and “R” showed me that…

    Just my 2cents…

    OXOXO



  209.  #209Dominique on September 13, 2013 at 1:14 pm

    Ariel – 108 – Drop this man. He’s young, and he has no idea how to behave when courting a woman let alone being with one.

    Yes your words could have been tweaked, yet here I don’t think it would have made a difference.

    Keep CDding.

    xxoo



  210.  #210Dominique on September 13, 2013 at 1:18 pm

    Millie – 142 – So beautiful, Loving your revelations.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  211.  #211Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    @Syreena

    Well said!!! <3

    @FW I've never thought of using real estate talk as a way of communicating it… ๐Ÿ™‚

    I'm feel weird today…. not in a negative way really just weird…

    the last 3 men I've dated have been in the stock, financial business and then "R" tells me on our second date that anyone in that business can pull your report ( with tons of info) on it without even having your ss# or other info all they need is your name and where ( city ) and age…. which anyone can get if your online.

    I ask him if he'd pulled a report on me, he said no… that would be … invasive and I said Yeah!

    That just feels weird to know that someone can get that kind of info on me…for the right price through their work… wow!

    I don't feel fearful about it, b/c it's not like I hide things… just wow.. that it's that easily accessible……

    OXOXOX



  212.  #212Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    FW I’ve never thought of using real estate talk as a way of communicating it.

    Different things work for different people. A doctor might not be tuned into the real estate type language so maybe using another thing might work for one who is a doctor. The key is to figure out what works for each man so one can talk in his language so he gets the feeling that you GET him.



  213.  #213Dominique on September 13, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    Alkahale – 159 – I would suggest letting it go. It’s really not a big deal and likely means nothing, for example, maybe he did make one this morning and sent an old one accidentally. You’re making up all kinds of stories around this which are all likely wrong.

    Give it a few days, and if it’s still on your mind, how about this – I’m feeling bothered and confused by the video from the other day. I understood that it had been made the same morning, yet I have received this one before. Can you help me please with this?

    xxoo



  214.  #214Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 1:29 pm

    @Heart- I did. He said he wanted to surprise me with a video before our date tonight.

    When he sent it last time it was sent after a fight we had. He said that he made it but was not sure that he sent it then. Hmmmm… I don’t know.



  215.  #215Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    He said he didnt have time to make one before work this morning



  216.  #216Heart on September 13, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    Lisa – How do “drop the confused ones” ? That’s my dilemma….do you just ignore them when they ask you out?
    The problem is when you pull away – the confused ones become less confused and start pursuing you harder (contacting you more…wanted to make definite plans etc)…Then I’m in a bind wondering How to treat the person.
    Should you just be nice and let the decision rest with him?
    Like let him be the one to stop contacting you or to drop this ball again?
    For me – If I’m not very emotionally invested – I just drop the giy and ignore him entirely (but it feels very Masculine I must say.) Thanks for the Input!!
    I’m trying to explore these things…

    FW – For practical, simple purposes : I defined being an invitation a being warm open and nice ( not leaning forward)
    For example…if you date a guy and he doesn’t ask you out again but emails you a week later ….I figure being an invitation would mean : Responding warmly But not carrying the conversation.
    But I feel like a pushover and a part of me feels turned off and wants nada to do with him and another part wants to Practice practice practice keeping my heart open while feelinh angry….It’s Challenging!

    I’m sure Everyone can relate.



  217.  #217Dominique on September 13, 2013 at 1:34 pm

    Alkahale – 166 – A one time silly lie is not so bad. Most of us do for whatever reason, usually – silly. Yes he lied. If this is an anomaly, a rare thing, it’s not worth your time or attention. If it becomes a pattern on the other hand, then yes wariness would be warranted.

    xxoo



  218.  #218Heart on September 13, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Alkahade- Sounds like he just wanted to make you feel special…lol Tell him you love him, love the video and would rather he didn’t like…that it makes you feel paranoid.
    Enjoy the date!



  219.  #219Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    @Dominique- Thank you Dominique. There has been a bit of a pattern but I guess only time will tell.



  220.  #220Shar Lean Way Back on September 13, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Jammy 85 , Julie here on the blog had this problem a while back and really did a lot of work on it. You might contact her @ juliemarycarmen.com



  221.  #221Dominique on September 13, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    Alkahale – 173, 175 – Yes red flags. Please protect your heart.

    xxoo



  222.  #222Heart on September 13, 2013 at 1:38 pm

    216 – Alkahade – would rather he didn’t Lie ( not like) …lol



  223.  #223Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 1:40 pm

    Thank you Heart ๐Ÿ™‚

    I am going to let go of it and enjoy myself tonight ๐Ÿ™‚ If it is anything other than what he said, time will tell.

    I am going to go with the happy feelings and not let the nasty voice win unless It becomes obvious.



  224.  #224Dominique on September 13, 2013 at 1:45 pm

    Heart – 203 – You can still have your heart open and inviting and not accept unacceptable behavior.

    If you’re not exclusive, allow the men to be who they are. If you don’t like the behavior, you can accept another date or not.

    xxoo



  225.  #225Alhakale on September 13, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    @Dominique- Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚ I feel confused about the red flags. I wonder if they are enough that I should walk away.



  226.  #226Dominique on September 13, 2013 at 1:55 pm

    Alkahale – Only you can decide this. How bad do these things feel? Are they once in awhile? Regular occurrences? You haven’t been together very long really. It can easily take up to two years even three to really get to know a person.

    xxoo



  227.  #227Ignis on September 13, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    ahh, this quote reminds me of a funny situation I had way back. I was out dancing and someone spilled their drink on the dance floor so it was slippery and I fell down on my ass. I felt really embarrassed so I jumped right up and wanted to dance away when this handsome man stopped me and said that was about the most hot dance move he ever saw ๐Ÿ˜€



  228.  #228Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    Alhakale Red flags are red flags. Note them…if you’re not ready to make a decision, you don’t need to. But keep that red flag in your mind.

    BTW…all, I got me some botox and a new hair color today. I feel fetching.

    Wishing everyone a great Friday Night.



  229.  #229Daria on September 13, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    made some huge moves to take care of myself financially tonite…

    and feeling lonely…

    piny for Bookieman

    looked at some men’s pages including NyGuy but realized it didn’t feel good to see updates on his life not centered around me

    checked my brothers pages and havent seen anything for a long time… feeling concerned

    did not check BookieMan’s page

    (((((((((Daria))))))))

    feeling triggered by FW comment on ‘men want to see what you bring to the table’ as that is what he pretty much said to me,

    feeling disappointed to not be Seen off the bat

    feeling scared sad happy

    loving me

    feeling lonely, feeling sad no interactions with men or touches or sex lined up



  230.  #230Zia on September 13, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Elsie I also would have bet that GS would be back. I’m with the rest of the sirens here, I don’t see the point in asking him what does he mean by what he said. Until his actions show otherwise, stay on your bridge. He might not even realise it, but it might simply be a need for control.

    Also, I’ve had ex’s tell me I was the first person they did this, felt that, rah rah for. In the end it means nothing if they’re incapable of providing you what you need. It really means nothing, so why get caught up in that story?



  231.  #231Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 5:49 pm

    Zia…so true. My ex was full of the I’ve never told anyone this”…”you’re the first person I’ve felt this way about is sooo long”…cheap words to say especially if you quickly find out that they aren’t the nicest of men and if their actions don’t reflect these thoughts. Perhaps they aren’t purposely lying to you. They may not even remember that they did feel this way before. It is the first sign of a flame-out boy. He is so intoxicated with the pursuit that I bet he doesn’t realize he felt the exact same way about his last girlfriend. Guys are creatures of habit…they say the same thing over and over again if it worked. And they don’t do things that didn’t work…Maybe a lesson we girls could learn. Obviously for good not evil. Perhaps we should just focus on what works for us in relationships and just do that more. ๐Ÿ™‚



  232.  #232Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    Jammy85
    What makes you think he has a drinking problem. And to start off, if he does this is not something you will want to hear but it needs to be said…that is a long and very difficult battle. He may not be worth it. Sorry, but it’s just true. I hope it works out for you



  233.  #233Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    Daria
    Taking steps to take care of yourself financially is a HUGE deal. I know people who go their whole lives and don’t even begin to. I hope you feel secure….wrapped in warmth for taking steps to protect your future. Which is utterly possible as you imagine it!



  234.  #234Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 6:17 pm

    @Zia That is sooooo true!!! I totally agree! I’ve had the same experience…

    ex’s showing up saying the same thing… but in reality it wasn’t in the end anything other than words…. if the actions aren’t there, for me, it is meaningless…

    @ Elsie I wasn’t speaking about you and GS… just commenting on @Zia post…

    I feel warm and fuzzy! I spent the evening with my two girls and son in law… and I have to say, it beats the heck out of spending time on a date that isn’t that great! I was so warm and cozy and loved and loving and just love being with my girls… after last friday night! I dated my girls tonight!!! I didn’t want to book a date this weekend.. I feel good about that… YAY!

    OXOXO



  235.  #235Elsie on September 13, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    Cue the dramatic soap opera music….grab some popcorn, because here is the continuation of Elsie’s Love Life. ๐Ÿ™‚

    GS today came to me. As he has done every day, and I flat out asked him, why is now different? What is different now? He said, (get ready for it) I’m ready NOW. I’ll tell her this minute its you and me and we want to be together. You want to go on dates? Great. Lets go. I’m done hiding you. I want you out in the open if you will let me. I want to take you on vacations. I want to start talking about a house with you, finances, kids, etc. I want it all. I want it this minute. I dont want to wait one more minute. I realized what i lost and I made the biggest mistake of my life. It will never happen again, and you can count on it (he never has ever made a promsie he didnt keep if you remember that was his “deal”) He said – thats it – I promise, its us, forever. I love you and I want it to be forever with us starting right now. Anything you want I will do. My heart only is for you, and I want you to be with me right now. Not some fantasy in the future. And I definitely dont want to be in the past, where I wasnt the man that I am now.

    *gasp*

    What now? He isnt talking about the future. He is talking about this afternoon. Right now. He would take me on a date this weekend if he could.

    And then there is CollegeCD. I love him too. But not on the oxytocin cellular level that I love GS. My heart says GS, my head says CollegeCD because he has never hurt me. GS says he will make sure that he takes care of me the rest of my life and never hurt me again.

    Help. Advice. I’m EXHAUSTED.

    Again. If you had said THIS would be my problem 3 months ago, I would have told you all you were crazy. Who knows where I”ll be 3 months from now!/

    Help. Please please. Help.

    Ok – dramatic music fades…..set down your popcorn so you can answer me ๐Ÿ™‚ LOL



  236.  #236Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 6:30 pm

    Elsie…No one can make this decision for you. And I don’t think you can make this decision today. Was there a ‘ring’? This are still just statements. But you do sound as if you have made your decision in your mind. You prefer GS…you are more in love with him than CollegeCD. If that is where your heart is leading you…then you must and should go that way. But as to how to go about it…I don’t know. I just don’t know his level of sincerity. Truth is that sometimes this works out and sometimes this doesn’t We can’t know now. Do you feel safe and confident in yourself that if you take this risk again that you will be able to pull yourself up if it falls apart?



  237.  #237Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Also Elsie…I’m new to your story What do you mean by he said ร’ll tell HER its you and me.



  238.  #238Femininewoman on September 13, 2013 at 6:33 pm

    Elsie are you willing to walk away from what you have based on “talk”?

    The “I promise deal” are words he knows you will resonate with.

    “on the oxytocin cellular level” – I feel happy you recognize that it is oxytocin. Maybe now you should listen to your head. Unless you like rollercoaster rides.

    Then again, what does Elsie want?



  239.  #239Lisa on September 13, 2013 at 6:37 pm

    @Daria great your making financial moves.. me too! yay you!

    @ Amanda I love that about red flags… I file them away and just keep them in the back… until the time comes to discard them or make a decision…

    @Heart I listen to my intuition… and sometimes I ignore it, and sometimes I just give off signals and they walk away..and sometimes I just say, that I’m feeling it won’t work for me. I do it in a nice and soft manner, but firm and strong..

    b/c actions speak louder than words..

    So, I guess my point is, I do different things with different men. If a man has no clue how to date a woman, he is confused or looking for a therapist to tell his pains of the past to, I walk away! softly, feminine and strong… and I can do it in a way that really is more energetically than anything, but they get the message!! When I’m done, I’m done. So, I haven’t had them pursue me harder once I cut the cord… maybe they sense I’m done and there is no use?

    I just have decided I don’t want to waste my time on clueless, confused, immature men. I loved how Rori put it in her newsletter…

    I do practice on them though… even if I know it won’t go anywhere.

    OXOXO



  240.  #240Amanda on September 13, 2013 at 6:44 pm

    Heart…I can’t remember where this is on the blog…but there is something about a mature man who is in it for the long haul will take things slowly at first. They have obligations, friends, hobbies basically they have lives that are fulfilling if they are the type of guy you want to be with. They don’t rush in and try to conquer you as quickly as possible. Some of the worst relationships I’ve had have been with guys who pushed me to get too serious too quickly. Ugh…the worst I tell ya ๐Ÿ™‚ So maybe that will help you with being an invitation. See them as great wonderful people who like you and are slowly bringing you into their circle. What you should be seeing in a slow trend to wanting to see you more and more…not less and less. If he is a great guy and takes it slow and doesn’t ask you out ten times in the first month you can use this thinking to keep your heart open and be an invitation. If you notice the trend is to see you less and less then I would move on and cut off any emotional attachments as well as stop accepting dates.



  241.  #241Luzydel on September 13, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    Deep breath! I do not want to meet with SD tomorrow!
    I don’t! I don;t want to see him! I have this gut feeling!



  242.  #242MovingMagic on September 13, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Elsie, these days I go down roads I wouldn’t have explored in the past. I’ve realized my worth & have a greater understanding of myself within relationships. I’ve had the promises, I’ve had the drama. For me the embrace of a loving, strong & available man is so appealing.
    You know you…you also know him. You’re still exploring College Cd. Which feels promising and fresh?



  243.  #243ArabianLove on September 13, 2013 at 8:32 pm

    Hi Hana ! Haven’t been around since I’ve been so busy with work. I’m doing great. It’s over with my guy no closure or anything … but i dont think I need it. I feel what he did was cowardly. I find it funny though he’s on the online dating site and he switched his profile from wanting a longterm relationship to wanting nothing serious… hahaha I guess I had some doing in that (or not).
    Anyways, a lot of guys have been asking me out on dates and I am having trouble with it. I’ve turned them all down and told them I wasn’t ready. Actually, im not interested at all. They are being too pushy and emotional I dont like it. There are 2 guys I really like though… but one hasn’t initiated convo in 2 days and the other is Moroccan… which seems to be the nationality I attract. My last 2 bf have been Moroccan. Should I try it out again ? It has to do with the person right not nationality at all so why not ๐Ÿ˜› …

    How are you doing Hana ? What happened with Amir ? I just read it in your post.

    Ps. I text one of my exs I haven’t spoken to him in 5 months. I doubt he’ll reply … he prob doesnt even knowwho text but I did it … we shall see.



  244.  #244ArabianLove on September 13, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    I really should edit what I wrote b4 posting it lol anywho



  245.  #245Zia on September 13, 2013 at 9:55 pm

    Elsie – add him back into your CD rotation and see what he does. That’s all you need to do right now.



  246.  #246Zia on September 13, 2013 at 9:57 pm

    I agree with FW 235.

    Forget about everything he’s said, even now. He is just another CD option, and that’s all he needs to be for now. You can add him back in, and see what he does over the next couple of months. His actions either will match his words, or they won’t.



  247.  #247Zia on September 13, 2013 at 9:59 pm

    Going on a girls night tonight. I want to have and interaction which is interesting enough to exchange numbers with one man. And I’m going to practise making and holding eye contact with at least 5 men.



  248.  #248Zia on September 13, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    Elsie also – have another look over your posts in this thread as if they were made by another siren. What would you say to this person?



  249.  #249Tereana on September 13, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    Amanda – #53

    I hear that! I dated a guy almost exactly like that. For all I know, they were the same guy. He wanted a commitment after three dates, and the really funny thing about it is that when he asked me, he actually got my name wrong. LOL!! And it could have been because of another woman, but actually I think it just shows how well he didn’t know me. He just wanted any warm (submissive) body. I wouldn’t commit to him that soon, and I couldn’t be controlled. Actually, I’m the one who dumped him. But my experience was similar, in that, less than a year later, he got married to someone else. I don’t know how she can stand it. He smelled horrible. Lol. And also, he wanted to cheat on her with me less than a month before they married (he did not tell me he was engaged). When I found out, I dumped a glass of ice water on him. Only time I’ve ever done that. It felt kind of good



  250.  #250Indigo on September 13, 2013 at 11:08 pm

    Ariel 108,

    I agree with what Rori and Dominique have written to you.

    I felt cringey reading your exchange for him, especially where he kept asking if you had Facebook. I think that tells you the extent of his wooing abilities. It doesn’t have to be so hard, and you deserve better.

    There are lots of lovely guys your age who know exactly what to do!



  251.  #251Cris on September 13, 2013 at 11:59 pm

    dear @Elsie: would GS have offered so many things if you were alone waiting for him? xoxoxo



  252.  #252Indigo on September 14, 2013 at 12:20 am

    Elsie,

    Take it slow. As Natalie Lue from Baggage Reclaim is fond of saying, “There is no fire”. As in, you don’t have to make this decision right now, and you don’t have to make sense of this.

    Let GS reveal himself slowly with his actions. If he is genuine in his feelings and intentions, they will not dry up if you don’t say yes *right now*. If he is the man he says he is, he will be more than happy, and will see the value in, proving to you what he says, and being consistent in his efforts. This is something that can *only* be revealed over time.

    I feel nervous when I hear statements like “he would take me on a date this weekend if he could”.

    If I were you, I would go back and read the blog from two months ago and give yourself a refresher of what you went through; a bit of elapsed time and some sweet words do wonders in erasing your memories of the hurt (I speak from experience).



  253.  #253Zara on September 14, 2013 at 12:21 am

    Elsie

    *****He would take me on a date this weekend if he could.*****

    “If he could”, which means he can’t, which is what we already know and which is why you are supposed to be circular dating.

    If you were in love with collegeCD and engaged to him, it would make sense to be exclusive with him and to be wondering if you should drop him to become engaged to whomever else. (But then again, if you were in love with CollegeCD, you would not be wondering if you should marry someone else.)
    But you are single and learning on here to leave the old patterns behind you, and this implies circular dating collegeCD, not be exclusive with him before you know if he is the right man for you. And this allows to add GS to your rotation and to keep collegeCD.

    Circular dating deals with a minimum or an average of 3 men.
    -One man only, is a trap in accepting whatever he offers.(what you were doing with GS)
    – two men, traps your mind under the impression it is “either or” (see how you think your only choice in life is either collegeCd or GS)
    -3 men is the balance that frees your mind from all of them. Gets your vibe up. 3 protects you from ending stuck with a man you don’t love or who does not give you what you want. It allows you to keep free until you have the relationship you want. Note I wrote “the relationship”, not “the man”.

    The problem is that you think you owe exclusivity to collegeCD and to GS and so you think it has to be CollegeCD OR GS, although none of them is a fiancรฉ to you.

    The blog is not about labelling the man and getting into his mind and playing Nostradamus and guess what he will or won’t do. This blog is about focusing on you and find inside you if you feel peaceful with the man, if you have what you want or if you feel longing for more.
    Whatever it might be you are longing for and whatever the reason might be for the man to leave you longing. It is not about blaming him or excusing him. It is about being aware that whatever the reasons or the circumstances, you are not happy with your life and you want something different. It is about you.

    So when a man says “I would date you this week end if I could”, you know you don’t have what you want. No need to analyse during 3 days why he could or could not take you out. That is leaning forward, lowers your vibe. That is leaving your bridge, abandoning yourself.
    The focus stays on your life so you can see clearly that in your life there is no date with this man. That is the only truth there is. He still is not dating you. He might be the best man in the world, yet he is not dating you. Labelling him is irrelevant. The focus is on “I don’t have him in my real every day life”. Or on “I don’t feel peaceful, I long for something different”.

    When a man says “I would if I could”, since we never know in this life, we leave the door open for universe to surprise us and we tell the man. “That would feel lovely if you could. Let me know when you actually can , I’ll check then with my agenda to see if I can.”
    That’s it. Keep track of the relationship you want until you actually get it. From him or another man.

    And if/when he actually takes you out on a date, keep the focus on you so that you can see clearly it is only a first date, not a relationship. The man is one of the rotation until he proves he is co-creating the relationship you want. Not with words “I would if I could” but with actually leaving the woman and actually having time to take both your families out and in and actually giving you what you want. Not “planing” “willing” “wanting” “promessing” to do it, but actually already doing it.

    Treat the men equally until you are engaged and you feel good about the decision, really good and peaceful.
    ________________________
    “GS I hear your intention to make me happy. I feel moved. I trust you will. Your promesses sound exactly like my dream. I am willing to date you whenever you are ready to date. Take your time to become a free man; in the mean while I am dating, keeping my options open. I am taking my time until a man proposes to me and I feel happy to accept him. Then I’ll know it is time to stop dating.”

    xxx



  254.  #254Zara on September 14, 2013 at 1:04 am

    Sorry; instead of “I trust you will”, I meant to write “I trust it is what you want today”.

    xxx



  255.  #255Vi on September 14, 2013 at 2:33 am

    Zara ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you!



  256.  #256Elsie on September 14, 2013 at 3:24 am

    LOL. I have to laugh. All of you focused on him saying “I would take you out this weekend IF I COULD.”

    The reason he cant is that I wont let him. No other reason. He said, if I could (meaning if you would let me, Elsie) I would take you out right this minute.

    Lots to think about. Sigh. I’m very overwhelmed. I love them both.

    For the record as much as I LOVE Rori, I never subscribed to her 3 CD rotation, as some magic number, although I do think you need to date at least more than one guy.

    Also, I think you are exclusive when you are exclusive. I 100% do not believe on ring on a finger to have exclusivity, so if that matters in some of your responses, just FYI. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Sigh. I’m so torn. So so so torn.



  257.  #257Syreena on September 14, 2013 at 3:54 am

    Elsie ask him directly. Are you asking me to marry you?

    Is this what you are asking me?



  258.  #258Syreena on September 14, 2013 at 3:58 am

    Or is he asking if you will allow him to take you out on a date?

    And are you happy to accept a date or accept an offer of marraige of someone who is still living with the Mother of his children?

    What do you want Elsie. What will you accept?



  259.  #259Syreena on September 14, 2013 at 4:07 am

    Wishing you all the best Elsie in deciding waht you want and what is in your higher good and interest.



  260.  #260Indigo on September 14, 2013 at 4:08 am

    I got invited by one of my girlfriends to go and watch the South Africa v New Zealand rugby match (which was so depressing, by the way lol) over breakfast. I always accept her invitations if I can, because not only does she usually organize chilled things to do, she always has several single guys around… and it’s a nice opportunity to meet new people, feel attractive and practice being open.

    One of the guys I was sitting next to was making bits of conversation with me, and by the end of breakfast had invited me round to another pub to watch the second match today. It felt flattering and I felt positive.

    By the time I left, I realized I have three invitations for something to do today. I felt spoilt for choice and it felt good and uplifting, and I can feel my happiness returning after that draining time with D.



  261.  #261Jammy85 on September 14, 2013 at 4:51 am

    When we started going out he would have 1 night per week to himself to drink & play Xbox. Over past 6months this has increased to 3-4 times per week mostly by himself, sometimes with his dodgy friend from the past who’s resurfaced and sometimes if he’s invited me round for dinner. If I’m with him, he always seems to get offended if I don’t want to drink. He sets himself a ‘limit’ of 8 tins of lager & a bottle of wine per session and always gets drunk. He cannot have alcohol without having to get drunk. It’s all or nothing. It seems he can twist almost any situation into an excuse to have a drink.

    He’s never violent, but some of the things he says to me make me feel like crap and are very upsetting. If I speak up for myself he gets very defensive and gives me the cold shoulder which makes me feel worse. He never seems to remember what he says the next day.

    When he’s not drinking he’s lovely and we ‘click’ very well. He doesn’t need to drink every day. Am I fussing over nothing or does this seem abnormal to you guys too??

    Xxx



  262.  #262Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 5:06 am

    RE 253 Elsie I did NOT focus on that. Frankly what I sensed was that he was telling you what he knows you want to hear. Particularly the PROMISE and DEAL. He knows that will reach to your heart and confuse you because he is confident that you love him. Most men know when a woman loves him, He knows the power he has over her when she does. Words don’t have the depth of meaning to men that they do to us. I just don’t want to come across as negative or try to convince you but I know guys will say anything to have their way. He might be sincere but I would not swallow it hook line and sinker. He dragged you through the ringer emotionally and with just a few conversations he is tugging at your heart having you consider throwing in the towel with a man who has been nothing but good towards you. I have not even seen you mention one challenge, one red flag about Collegecd. Unless you are wearing rose colored glasses and really being truthful about that relationship. If GS really loves you that much he wouldn’t be looking for instant gratification and pressuring you. He would be willing to wait for the year he had requested from you. That table should have been turned. You should have been the one telling him you want to respect Collegecd by taking the time to start lowering his expectations and do the slow fade that GS is famous for. Do you really believe that if you walk away from Collegecd GS wouldn’t wonder if you wouldn’t do the same thing to him in the future? Men are funny that way. I believe then he would start having doubts about u around loyalty and trust. Men notice how you treat other men. That’s why stories are so powerful. We resonate with the experience of others we hear stories about.

    Collegecd deserves more respect. Unless you were only using him to wash over the pain. GS is now desperate so he will say anything. I wonder what will happen when the desperation subsides. If the tables were turned he would be wondering “I wonder what is wrong with her why she wants me so bad? Maybe no one else wants her”. If he really wanted you I believe the woman he now lives with would already know. He would have been so distraught that she would have noticed and he would have been in some way felt forced to admit that he was lovesick for some one else. Instead she knows nothing and he is only willing to tell her if you take him back. Do you think she will know or experience any different if you don’t?

    These are just my two cents……..He would have taken some action on his living conditions if he really didn’t want to lose you. He is in that situation because he wants to be there. You have rocked the boat for him and now he wants to have the stability back. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He would have to work hard and long for me, if I were wearing your shoes. Words wouldn’t do it for me. I don’t know I would want to put my heart through that darkness again. Just because he is back now talking doesn’t mean the level of value that he placed on you, your time and the relationship has changed. Men value what they work hard for.



  263.  #263Daria on September 14, 2013 at 5:21 am

    FW i feel triggered often by reading some of your posts about men and what they notice re loyalty and trust

    i don’t notice this in Rori’s work…

    i feel bothered and feel bad thinking of considering how a man perceives me regarding this

    i had a similar convo with my cousin

    i feel better believing that as i trust myself to be able to commit, it will simply come across. no need to ‘prove’ or watch my actions.

    i feel glad i feel secure with this in myself

    i feel worried about losing men over it , and then again i feel so confident in myself in this that i wouldn’t want someone who didn’t see this in me … emotionally, right off the bat

    my cousin also talked about men and ‘how will he know you can be faithful’ if you are CDing… and then turns out she was unfaithful in her long term exclusive relationship, and didn’t tell him nor does she plan to seemingly

    on the other hand, my authenticity about where im at moment to moment is for me a stronger basis for trust

    hmmm…

    i feel a bit worried about this

    just reassuring mysefl that i don’t need to concern myself with how i relay my trustworthyness to men, other than committing myself to authenticity and feminine energy communication

    sigh

    I love you Daria

    and Goddesses here and everywhere ๐Ÿ™‚



  264.  #264Daria on September 14, 2013 at 5:22 am

    Jammy85 – yes that experience you describe re drinking would def be a huge problem for me



  265.  #265Luzydel on September 14, 2013 at 5:25 am

    I kinda cancelled wit SD; (aka FlingCD) I wanted to hang out with him, but he just want to be in his apartment for sex. Then I saw his profile o POF that says he is looking for the ONE… And I just felt bad about it, sure you’re gonna F8ck me, while you go for the ONE, the one you wont feel embarrassed and I just felt turned off. I don’t want to see him this way, honestly I do not mind seeing him as a friend and or workout partner, but I do not want to be his f@ck buddy. I do not mind casual sex, but with him feels bad, I feel like I am his pill to calm him down. I do not like him when he have sex and it is all about him, I do not feel cherish.



  266.  #266Jammy85 on September 14, 2013 at 5:25 am

    Daria – I don’t know how to deal with it….. I do love him, but I don’t know how to help him :,(



  267.  #267Lisa on September 14, 2013 at 5:29 am

    I agree that men will do and say anything to get their way. That is my experience… as women we need to be aware of it and know that words don’t mean as much to them. My mantra on men are “action speaks louder than words”.

    on a side note: I noticed that staying on my bridge is weeding more men out. I’ve noticed that recently mentioning that I won’t enter into a sexual relationship without current std testing has been interesting to watch how they say oh yeah of course, but then how it quickly turns into, let’s be friends…

    I’ve also noticed lately how many of the men I go out with have said on the first date or two. Oh I’m going to take my profile down and focus on you. “M” did that … and I totally understand now they might not be thinking, what women think they mean. They aren’t thinking I want to be exclusive. So, I’m learning how to read between the lines… stay on my calm and assertive mode and watch how they respond, react. And not to pay attention to what they say.

    I’ve had 2 nights in a row bad dreams with “M” in them. I don’t know what that is about. But, they all seem very real and they involve him lying to me about something important. I’m feeling uncomfortable about it…

    OXOXO



  268.  #268Indigo on September 14, 2013 at 5:30 am

    FW 259

    I agree with you 100%.



  269.  #269Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 5:39 am

    Tereana #247
    Lol..I’ve been searching for a red flag to smoke out these types of guys early…and I think you gave it to me…my ex smelled bad as well on our first date and his house smelled bad. You know how dogs can smell fear? You supposedly put off some sort of scent they can pick up. LOL…maybe that’s the trigger, if he smells funny (And he did appear to wash regularly) he may actually be so desperate for attention he’s putting off some weird pheromone odor. I’m requesting a full research grant to study that.
    Similar scenario here in that within one week he had updated his facebook profile pic to the two of them snuggling and she has as well. I’m assuming Needy met Needy. These people are in their late 40’s…little hearts and kisses emoticons and everything. I find anyone who moves in that fast usually moves on just as fast.



  270.  #270ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 5:40 am

    @250 – I love what you wrote Zara !



  271.  #271Daria on September 14, 2013 at 5:44 am

    ‘what if she’s right?”

    and by that meaning…

    BookieMan is going to expect me to prove my loyalty. especially since… when we first dated he got upset with my CDing… even called me a name. he was shocked and upset as he had thought we were exclusive…

    and then

    over the years when we had talked without seeing each other… it came up again … about a woman whos not umm wats the word chaste or something in more modern terms

    but then i told him how i felt about women owning their sexuality and hwo that is different from allowing others to run it for you…

    and…

    what if he loves me but hes thihnking to himself

    if only she were faithful

    and thats bullshit

    and!

    i am great at being faithful i know this about myself

    but i was so committed to CDing that i viewed it that way even when i hadn’t actually even kissed another man…

    and yes its come up w him again complaining about other men in my life

    :/

    i feel soo unsure of myself!

    and tehn theres SexyNeighbor… i rather think that if he knows – as in ran into me out with another man – he might not ask me out again… cuz hes shy

    but then again he saw his cousin try to date me before…

    i feel scared to lose these men

    even Rori says to specify “im not sleeping with anyone else”

    but for me I just dont feel comfortable “not sleeping with anyone else” or engaging in that commitment even if likely i wouldnt be sleeping with anyone else

    because (scratch out because) i just embraced my sexual freedom and i feel so proud of myself

    and happy!

    and excited at this new way of living!

    and yet i find myself wanting to hide it from men i know like me, cuz i think they won’t accept it, wont accept me…

    hmmm

    i want to heal this

    i feel sad

    i want to ask for Rori’s help with this…



  272.  #272Daria on September 14, 2013 at 5:47 am

    Jammy85 – its important to focus on you, and how to help yourself. (this will actually be the best ‘help’ you can offer) Learn about boundaries and feeling messages… do you have Rori’s book?



  273.  #273Daria on September 14, 2013 at 5:51 am

    that girl who is his friend he lives with seems super ‘committed’ to him yet he was reaching out to me all the time, making clear he wants me in front of her…

    that is when we spent time all together, HE was the one who would watch me, come over to me, interact with me… whilst she was the one coming to him. he did not at any point reach out to her or toward her, but consistently did so with me, enough to have me actually feeling good and comfortable even with her there (wtf smh)

    ( i did feel bad Afterwards though)

    ufffffff

    what if i just dropped this story about men needing to be sure about loyalty – a story ive ran and worked with all my life

    just drop ALL of it even these fears?

    just be really really open and free?

    what if id attract an ‘even better man’ that way?

    i want to do this

    i feel scared

    i feel numb

    i feel walled

    ((((((Daria)))))))



  274.  #274ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 5:52 am

    Hmmm he text me back and gave me a call ๐Ÿ™‚

    I feel soothed.



  275.  #275Luzydel on September 14, 2013 at 5:52 am

    CaptainCD is back and I am letting row the boat… him leaving was a bit my fault, I said things that were not good to him, he just shut down and said I do not want to argue with you right now. And I pushed more and more! He is the kind of man that should be left alone and not push… Been texting him and SD at the same time and comparing… SD is all sexual that it even turns my stomach; and Captain is just playful, laid back, but there is the sense that he knows what’s he’s doing.

    SD is screwed up by women, he keeps saying all women cheated on him. That is a “red flag” how can all women cheat on you? I mean really? But then I see his behavior, a 45 year old man who acts like a 25 yo. is a good person, but he is toxic and it is starting to affect me… he was the reason I deleted my POF profile; I did not want to see him there saying things that triggered me. I don’t think he meant his friendship either… I can be so naive sometimes!



  276.  #276ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 5:53 am

    But I’m definitely not losing my head over this !



  277.  #277Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 5:54 am

    Need a little help with something I’m struggling with today.
    Met a guy on a dating site…well emailed and txted a couple times 6 months ago. This was before I got Rori’s tapes and I definitely made a lot of mistakes. Everytime he contacted me via email or txt I felt the need to reply and just kept the conversation going because I didn’t want to appear rude or have him think i wasn’t interested (Ugh, I know not what we’re supposeed to do) After vigorously communicating for a few days he disappeared. We never met or even spoke on the phone so he was no big deal but I had found him interesting. I’m back on that site and he contacted me again. He remembers us communicating and struck up a conversation again. This time I am CDing and I have been much better at following my plan…he txts, I do a few replies but then end the txt conversation. We’ve only been chatting a few days. Well sure enough this time he is definitely trying to get to meet me as soon as possible and is trying to set up a date.
    My struggle is this…I feel like I have some problems with either diving in emotionally or staying too far away. I like that by not “leaning in’ he has responded, but I feel like I may be being too cold. Any tips anyone can give on how to be open and an invitation while not being a “boy’ in the relationship



  278.  #278Daria on September 14, 2013 at 5:55 am

    feeling frustrated cuz now Brazil trip is becoming financially possible for me ๐Ÿ™‚

    and the guy 19man i contacted that i was planning on going with hasnt answered my meesage on FB about it ufffff he did just add me tho i feel so impatient!!!

    i want to know the dates and if its still on!



  279.  #279ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 6:02 am

    Amanda .. I dont understand how is it wrong to reply to someone’s emails and texts . How else will you talk to him if you never met him b4 ?

    Could you clarify this for me please ๐Ÿ™‚



  280.  #280Luzydel on September 14, 2013 at 6:07 am

    I am learning so much! even though CDing hasn’t turned out the way I expect it, it has helped me so much!

    Not going to allow myself to allow a man to use me!



  281.  #281Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 6:11 am

    ArabianLove #277
    Oh, wait I guess I wasn’t clear…I’m just saying that for just meeting someone I was a bit too available and accommodating in the communication. The first time he emailed me I got back to him right away and every time he emailed be I would stop what I was doing and reply back. Then, the first time he texted me we ended up texting all day long non stop. Then the next day the same thing…then he just disappeared. I’m sure there’s a million reasons why that happened especially on a dating site, but I do think I was just a bit too eager and available. And I think something a bit more of a challenge came along and he felt like he could put me off for another time while he pursued that.
    Does that make sense? So now I am CDing and although I like to hear from him, if it isn’t the most convenient time I just get back to him when I can.
    I just struggle with that balance. I don’t want to play games, but I don’t want to stop everything to communicate with someone I don’t even know because it feels like I’m investing too much into a fantasy at that point.
    Thoughts?



  282.  #282Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 6:14 am

    Daria I do agree with you. My expressions might not come across that way at times as I do try to “wear the other persons shoes”. Mainly because people’s experience things as different and I like to experiment with different ways to see what happens. I also listen to men. Maybe they are older and values have changed over the years.

    As you also know I don’t only follow Rori’s work. I don’t believe in the one size fits all as it relates to human relationships. I believe we are too complex for that mentality. Plus I have seen Rori encourage us to experiment with different things. As such I pay attention to what I experience and in other peoples experience “out there in the field”. I don’t have the expectation that all experiences will be the same. Yours, mine and others. I know there will be similar elements but I have also noticed differences. Different things have different meanings to different people so I embrace the differences even if it only means paying attention to them.



  283.  #283Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 6:15 am

    Arabian Love…I guess I’m looking for some good scripts to help me find the balance in new relationships between being a cold fish and putting heart emoticons on his facebook page. LOL Just any ideas about what you ladies do to let them know you’re interested just not too eager and desperate. A huge struggle for me that many people have told me I do. Ugh. I’m a business owner…at work it’s all or nothing for me. Think it seeps into my personal life



  284.  #284ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 6:15 am

    much clearer ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you …
    yes and its funny we feel this way only with certain people huh … the ones we accommodate disappear … but the ones we dont chase like crazy !!!!

    Thats what I found being on the dating site and I dont even have a picture up lol. But there is no shortage of men !
    and they still chase … what odd creatures hehehehe!



  285.  #285ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 6:18 am

    I understand you dear! … but Im not the right person to help you with this.

    What I am realizing is that even if you do nothing but be warm and kind and just who you are they will come to you but its not necessarily the one you want to chase you lol…



  286.  #286Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 6:26 am

    Amanda your 274 sounds like you have a lot of judgements about yourself to me. Some guys just want a penpal. That story sounds like something I experienced with a guy on a dating site. We met there about 2 years ago. He was even pressuring me for more pictures around the Hurricane Sandy time.

    I would say just notice yourself around the thoughts you have about yourself “diving in emotionally or staying too far away……..I feel like I may be being too cold”. Ask yourself who would you be without these thoughts. You really don’t know that he wants to meet you until he meets you. I have had one guy constantly contacting me on the site then set up a meeting that he never showed up for. Good thing I agreed on a place close to where I was going for a street fair so I just walked back over and continued enjoying myself. Even after that he still tried to set up another meeting but I was not up for any more drama.

    My point is stay with your thoughts about yourself to improve your self image. Then just be. This man could disappear again. Maybe I would even assume that he is a rubberbander and it has nothing to do with anything about me. I would also want to see internally how much I want to meet this guy and why it is so important to me. You might just learn some things about yourself.



  287.  #287Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 6:27 am

    ArabianLove…Lol That’s true…if it were that easy we wouldn’t need relationship advice. But even though you think you aren’t the one to help me with that what you said makes sense….Be warm and kind and who I am.



  288.  #288ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 6:33 am

    ๐Ÿ˜‰ but also lethim show you who he is through his actions and see if its what you want …

    and yes if it were that easy we wouldnt need relationship advice. Im starting to think we make it a lot more complicated than we have to. We make excuses for the guy that we want and try to be something we are not because we are so worried and want to please them and we want them to like us A LOT ! the ones we dont care about we keep our distance from but we are still warm and friendly and they are the ones that profess undying love for us and that they will wait for us until we are ready. BUT WE DONT WANT THEM … so NOW HOW ABOUT IF I ACTED THAT WAY WITH THE MEN I WANT TOO ?



  289.  #289Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 6:34 am

    # 284: Femininewoman

    As expected…another way of seeing things that I hadn’t thought of. Ugh why am I so eager to try to find a better angle that makes my life happier and easier and pursuing that in my work life but struggle doing that in my personal life? LOL

    But to clarify, it’s really not that important that this particular guy contacts me or that we meet. I was bringing up the question in general regarding all guys. He just happens to be the current example I’m struggling with. I am trying to find the balance and am looking for some thoughts on how you all deal with those early communcations because I am “รงommunication challenged” I am aware of this, don’t beat myself up about it, but sure would love to hear how everyone else finds was to stay open yet not too eager.



  290.  #290Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 6:42 am

    ArabianLove….again another great piece of advice you think you don’t have to offer LOL!!!
    I know how I act around guys I am not too emotionally invested in…Instead of just trying to “act” that way around the guys I am interested in, I’m going to focus on what my feelings are around the guys I’m not interested in all that much and why I feel so much for the guys I am. Instead of acting, I’ll calling it mimicking. When I look at it this way…They’re all just humans with flaws and good qualities and such…maybe I’m just getting to see the flaws early on with the guys I don’t connect with and only see the good things with the guys I do. But they all have both of these things. It feels sort of nice to be able to reframe it this way. Each man in my life is just a person who exists in my world. Each deserves similar respect (Well certain guys, nope) and why would I put any more emotional investment in a guy I don’t know who happens to look good on paper than any other person I know. Until I know him well, he should get the same treatment as any other person on the planet who treats me well enough and gives me what I need at that moment. Like my mom who is a Mother of six always tells us kids…No Favorites!



  291.  #291ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 6:48 am

    Ahahahaha ๐Ÿ™‚
    I love what you wrote !
    No favourites !

    and this ”Each deserves similar respect (Well certain guys, nope) ”

    But yes you are right. Its hard to do though ๐Ÿ™‚ . Not getting caught up is very hard for me.

    Glad I could help you in anyway ๐Ÿ™‚



  292.  #292ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 6:52 am

    My interpretation is to use these men that are giving you all the attention you want and need and see what you are doing with them that is different with the others … and maybe you might find that this guy is mister right or maybe i can apply it to who I want to be with ? I dontknow if that makes sense.



  293.  #293Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 6:57 am

    ArabianLove. Ah ha as a business owner, I need facts and truth to make decisions. So what you said makes sense. That I can do. What am I doing here that makes me happy and makes me feel good…do that more often. What am I doing here that doesn’t make me happy or feel good? Stop doing that!



  294.  #294ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 7:03 am

    yup



  295.  #295ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 7:03 am

    ๐Ÿ™‚



  296.  #296Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 7:12 am

    I feel ashamed.
    I feel angry.
    I feel pulled apart.
    I feel like I’m going to do something I know I shouldn’t do.
    I feel powerless to stop myself.
    Now I feel more ashamed.
    I have to decide but I know in my mind I’ve already chosen the wrong path and that is what I’ll do

    So the decision is made and I will, in fact…have two more pieces of bacon while I sit on my front porch and watch all these super healthy people run a marathon pass my house.

    Oh now I feel good!



  297.  #297ArabianLove on September 14, 2013 at 7:21 am

    AHAHAHAHAHA

    Save a piece or 3 for me !!
    Don’t feel guilty about that enjoy it ๐Ÿ˜›



  298.  #298Daria on September 14, 2013 at 7:23 am

    FW – i hear you.. i guess i’ve worn those other shoes most of my life what with taking on men’s perspectivve and listening to my brothers and so on.

    giving them what i thought was a model of a good woman – honest and faithful and enduring no matter what, with strong ‘chastity’ values

    they seemed to respect that but it did not get me romantic love. it carried so much judgement too on my part toward other women ‘hoes’ and strippers and women who would date more than one and … not take sex as an expression of committment and etc

    and now that im moving away from this i feel triggered … i dont know that ive ever, since i probably development judgement ability at age 6 (i was reading books since before then) not carried these judgements about sexuality

    they were my main forte that i relied on. it feels scary to change this and it feels SO exhilarating like finding out that things i thought were true are not and it actually feels good

    i feel sad

    i dont want to be judged

    i dont want to be judged by me. i dont want to be judged by men. i dont want to be judged by people.

    i want to feel safe and loved in my sexuality

    i want to feel Got

    i want to feel Safe

    i feel so angry at the world

    i feel so angry that i’ve taken these perspectives on so strongly, and i do mean strongly… i remember the story of Roman Lucretia… and that it made sense to me

    i think of stories of the ancestors and how they suffered and upheld this mindset that to me is really the result of patriarchic domination…

    the depression the loss of self love, of power, of … feeling safe and love and good about themselves, about sex

    i feel sad thinking of the many women i imagine/know in my peoples that have such less sexual satisfaction because the physical is so strongly controlled by the psychological

    how they would not even believe in the ability to have mulitple orgasms with multiple people or that this is an ability a power of women…

    how long ive thought sex was for men and how i wanted so much to be the best at sex for them

    this feels sad!

    and i feel proud that i am quite excellent at sex for men

    actually i feel safe

    and i want to heal all this and it feels scary and it feels hopeless and it feels like going against the world (again) and i feel overwhelmed and tired

    i have a habit of fighting and of pushing against the wave and i dont want to do that

    i want to easily inspire change and i feel afraid i wont get the respect from myself i want from that

    and i so much want my respect

    and ifeel like crying

    i feel totally hopeless i feel so frustrated with the story of the world i ‘see’

    puffffffff

    i want some more hope i feel hopeless i feel not powerful i feel not enough



  299.  #299Daria on September 14, 2013 at 7:24 am

    im feeling frustrated that im not using feeling messages with my family, and i often am attacking and defending

    as i babystep to speaking when i feel uncomfortable

    and i feel sad and overwhelmed



  300.  #300Daria on September 14, 2013 at 7:28 am

    ok so im to find the humor in this //..

    the humor is the strict upholder of morals is now the wild holder of sexual power… yhay me!

    which one do *I* like better?

    ๐Ÿ™‚



  301.  #301Daria on September 14, 2013 at 7:40 am

    Daria i respect and am actually hugely excited about the huge spiritual changes you’re going through and how thats starting to play out physically, you are so brave and so GREAT youre a unique being like none other ive heard of wtf i want to be like you



  302.  #302Daria on September 14, 2013 at 7:54 am

    ahi feel so sad hearing sad love songs on the radio ive felt this way so many times for so long waaaaah

    i dont feel comfortable really crying right now wth my fam here



  303.  #303Indigo on September 14, 2013 at 7:58 am

    Amanda & Tereana,

    I *so* know what you mean about the way a guy smells. If the way he smells doesn’t attract me, it simply isn’t happening. Smell is so important, and I do think it has to do with being relaxed and confident.

    The few guys (ok, only 2) I have deeply loved had a smell I couldn’t get enough of. I feel that it makes you want to draw near to a man, so important.



  304.  #304Daria on September 14, 2013 at 7:58 am

    i think im mostly attracted to men cuz theyre happie

    so i can practice bein happie myself and wont need them for that anymore

    pufff

    im easily a happie spirit but got down

    babysteps to heal myself from wat i didnt kno i was sufferin from till now an im healin humanity and beingness toooo

    ufff

    it feels like my babysteps aint don nothin and i wanna not live no more and i know thas not the way thy jus thoughts healin along the way

    babysteps will get me there like they alwawys have

    im here w u Daria even if you feel aloen



  305.  #305Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 8:00 am

    Wow…an epiphany! I like those. If you do, I thought I’d share.
    So I’m sitting here on my porch eating bacon watching a marathon. I’m also drinking my third cup of CAFFEINATED NON-ORGANIC COFFEE! Hey, I work out, I live healthy…It’s my morning to chill. But good for ya, runners!
    So I’m cleaning out my dating site inbox and ran across the first email I received from my ex. Hadn’t realized that he had contacted me several times before I got back (Oh the chase we discussed) And I had this thought.

    What if I had never opened these emails? What if I knew now what I knew then? And looking at the several new emails I have I wonder which of these emails I shouldn’t open, which of these men will I look back on months from now and regret ever meeting.

    And I felt powerless…I felt out of control. So I felt this for a minute but then while eating my bacon I got this epiphany…Bacon does this for me. I am powerful, I am in control. I can do things differently and I can learn from my mistakes and I can forgive myself. But here was the best part, I realized that if I hadn’t opened that email I wouldn’t be where I am now…I wouldn’t be exploring and feeling and living in my moment. So what I initially saw from one perspective as a bad thing…I now am looking at that email and thinking, thank the universe I opened that. And now I am excited to open the rest and see what else the world has to bring me.
    Lol..in my mind it came out much more eloquent…but you all get the point



  306.  #306Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:02 am

    i leaned in and pressed / re[asked 19man again abnout the trhip and now he answered so i want details tho and i feel so terrified to handle $ again i feel afriad i will ‘waste’ it and never have more again



  307.  #307Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 8:05 am

    Daria…where did your resolve go to get yourself better financially? Can you see where it changed from last night? Was there a trigger?



  308.  #308Indigo on September 14, 2013 at 8:08 am

    Amanda,

    I really feel that I know what you mean, re: texting, e-mailing conversations with men. I used to have a problem where I felt that I had to drop what I was doing to respond, and as though I *had* to respond whenever they messaged me, otherwise it wasn’t polite or I wasn’t showing interest, no matter how inconvenient the time, or how resentful I felt. With D, we used to have long, draining conversations on Skype that went nowhere which made me feel awful.

    I have also had guys who seemed to take advantage of this “lazy” way of communicating to message me frequently to show their interest. It felt icky and invasive to me and I used to find myself feeling frowny and put upon.

    I’ve since taken a long hard look at how I feel about these forms of communication and decided I’d like to drastically cut back on them, *especially* with guys who are wanting to date me or win a place in my life. I’ve decided I’ll only engage in them as and when I feel totally comfortable, and in this way be myself and honour myself. I will encourage guys who want to be with me to phone me or come and visit me if they want to communicate with me. For me, this is about treating myself as the prize and making sure I don’t get caught up in being in my head too much with this kind of communication.

    Sorry this was so long, your post gave me a good opportunity to muse about my own feelings ๐Ÿ™‚



  309.  #309Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:09 am

    ugh now sad stories ufff

    i kno im strong but spirits yall bringing me too much sadness to transform

    i weant it easier i want it at my pace i want it so i feel powerful not overwhelmed

    shift the flow, i am changing

    i feel ashamed i feel not good enough if i feel like i cant handle ALL the world

    what if im goin about this a way that doesnt work

    wat if i take it slow is the way that works

    wat if makin it easy for me is the way to do it all for you

    i feel sad

    wat if its ok to feel sad

    wat if thats all thas needed for the stransformation

    so many people waitin fo rme to break prisons, heal violent energies, redesign creation and

    my immortality feels essential and frustrating to grasp and

    who am i to think i can

    and who am i to waste time

    and what if this is not wasted time at all



  310.  #310Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 8:13 am

    244 Zia ahh 5 second smile! It is so hard for me to do!
    I want to practice it also!



  311.  #311Indigo on September 14, 2013 at 8:14 am

    Amanda,

    Also, I wanted to say to you, about worrying about coming off as being cold whilst still being an invitation… I really believe that the guys you will want to be with will love you for you. If putting little kisses or emoticons on things isn’t you (I also don’t like doing too much of this) then don’t do it. Embrace your own way of showing warmth and don’t let “not wanting to be cold” make you do things which feel forced or inauthentic, or make you seem over-eager. This has been something which has helped me tremendously. Just be you, open your heart, get in touch with *you* and how you really feel, and the right guy will feel it too ๐Ÿ™‚



  312.  #312Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:18 am

    ugh hes not answering yet freakzaoind 19!!!



  313.  #313Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 8:19 am

    Indigo…Thanks. That was not too long at all. It really made sense. There are two sides to this kind of initial communication. The ones that force it and you feel obligated to comply or lose their interest and the ones that are hit or miss and don’t seem to communicate very much or very well. I’m taking the stance that both these types of guys in the beginning are peripheral men. People floating around my world trying to get in….If they find an opening (which I will have to decide to give them) they are welcome and they may stay as long as they are bringing me what I need. But it will be my decision each time and I will stay open and inviting to the ones that meet my needs. I will expect nothing and i will judge nothing. I am looking at it the same way I evaluate my employees. I don’t walk around all day analyzing their every move…That’s what I have managers for. But I know that over time they will each show me who they are and when deciding on promotions or layoffs, I will have the information I need. But until that time I will just keep my eyes open, live my life and allow the world to be as it is around me.



  314.  #314Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:22 am

    Amanda – well there was a big change for me to actually do that last nite, so i felt surprised to see me doing that for myself

    theres no real ‘resolve’ there its more of me shifting my fear of handling $ and

    now im viewing it as a gift toool on the path to equalize/distribute wealth rather than a tool to maintain past opression

    so it was the other nite actually taht was ‘new;

    but even today i took some more big steps such as starting to paper track some future investments

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    babysteps!

    thank you for caring about me!



  315.  #315Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:25 am

    Daria my comment about loyalty and trust was not intended for or centered around sexuality. It feels like a projection to me.

    I was more focused on commitment and willingness to hang in here even when things get rough. Again a masculine thing but it is my belief that this is needed for LTRships. I am not even advocating that Elsie base her decisions from that standpoint I am just saying look at things from both sides of the fence then decide. I see no problem in considering how other people experience me. Too me it just gives me more information to work with in making my choices. In this type of case I believe it is important to take this kind of look. Yes I do believe at times our heads should be engaged in making decisions. Not only our hearts.



  316.  #316Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:26 am

    i actually felt defensive , then guilty, and surprised to notice im feeling this way!

    i feel scared ill push away support with my defensiveness/fear!

    it feels good someone is interested in my stuff!



  317.  #317Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 8:29 am

    Amen Indigo!
    You’re right on it. I was giving myself a nice beating about what I did wrong and what I could have done differently with the last ex. I completely glossed over and reinvented what really happened. He wanted a commitment too quickly, It didn’t feel right to me. I tried to convince myself I was too cold. Which is funny because if I think about it, I didn’t feel as if I was too cold while I was experiencing the relationship. I rewrote this scenario afterwards and of course I got the role of bad girl. UGH!
    I didn’t feel like changing my profile pic to us as a couple two weeks in, I didn’t feel like going on a weekend trip with him two weeks in. I didn’t feel like staying over on a Saturday and then blowing off my friends to spend the next day with him as well three weeks in. When he stormed out of my house three weeks in over a really minor disagreement, I didn’t feel like calling him and begging him to come back. I just truly didn’t feel like it. And at the time, I didn’t feel like I was being cold…so why rewrite the story after and tell myself I’m too cold. He felt more, I felt less. It is just as simple as that. Maybe I should rewrite the story more accurately and realize I wasn’t to cold, he was too hot!



  318.  #318Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:31 am

    “I used to have a problem where I felt that I had to drop what I was doing to respond, and as though I *had* to respond whenever they messaged me, otherwise it wasnโ€™t polite or I wasnโ€™t showing interest, no matter how inconvenient the time”

    That triggered so many memories and experiences of guys looking at their phones and saying I”ll get to that later. My tennis instructor even said “only girls do that. Drop what they are doing and run to respond to phones”. So many men I know and have seen in practice both at work and socially will just keep doing what they are doing. I had a boss who would respond when his wife was still in Europe but would tell her give me 5 mins but when she was here on vacation he would just let it go to VM while looking at the callerid.



  319.  #319Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:35 am

    i hear you Femininewoman and in my way of seeing things, hanging in there was tied to the sexuality thing for me (projection ie application to my stuff) they went together in the ‘virtuous woman’ picture

    it feels helpful to be triggered and practice seeing my stuff and healing this way



  320.  #320Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:39 am

    19 man seems to be on some feminine energy stuff i feel sigh …

    i thought i just needed to get my financials together and now that i do have that well he seems to not have his and want me to treat him smh he acutally asks for this wow

    neway now i feel disappointed and desperate and frustrated cuz i dont know anyone ther that he does, and he was planning to go by himself on a cool one way adventure and that would feel awesome acutally

    and i dont want to impose on his stuff i didnt really want to go wtih him or a man that mauch id rather go alone but i want to know someone there to stay with…. uffff

    i jsut thought of couch surfing….



  321.  #321Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 8:39 am

    Oh for heaven’s sake…another epiphany…this time thanks to Indigo and not bacon!
    I’ve been rewriting many relationships and saying what if I did this, what if I did that? and each time I convince myself I should have done things differently to save the relationship…but If I had been doing something differently, I would have been doing something I didn’t feel like doing. Maybe it would have changed the outcome of the relationship but I would have had to do things I didn’t feel like doing. (I know I’ve not done everything right in every relationship but this is regarding relationships since I started truly getting myself to understand who I am and what I’m feeling)
    So no more rewriting. I will keep getting in touch with my feelings and doing what feels right to me. And it should be rare that I meet someone that it all falls in line with. I should have many relationships where what I feel like is not what they are looking for and those relationships should end.
    Am I making sense or just blabbering. I feel a bit of a caffeine buzz, soo….



  322.  #322Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:39 am

    haha Rori’s email today was about trust.



  323.  #323Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:42 am

    Interesting eh how words can be really BIG for us. The virtuous woman thing is not even on my radar (unless it is unconscious).

    I just like to play with different things.



  324.  #324Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:44 am

    aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    “You can be ahead of nearly every other woman around by learning how to put words together that are respectful, non-demanding and yet truly express what it is you want, what it is you need and what it is you feel – in a way that makes his heart want to get closer to your heart.” Rori



  325.  #325Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Femininewoman
    Stop!!! I haven’t gotten mine yet and I’m getting jealous!



  326.  #326Daria on September 14, 2013 at 8:54 am

    dang i feel all judgemental of him and disappointed..

    and i dont get no help again

    i thought for sure he was really gonna do it the way he said he would and now it turns out he’s up in th air w plans



  327.  #327Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:59 am

    “The Best-Kept Secret About Men

    It’s amazing sometimes how far a man will go to protect his own heart. And nearly the worst thing we can do is to take what he does and says and close up our own hearts in response.

    The secret of all my Rori Raye tools is that they instantly help you keep your heart and your “energy field” open – no matter WHAT he’s doing or saying!

    If you trust YOURSELF with a man, he will trust YOU.

    Now…this is very different from insisting that YOU trust HIM. And I know this is hard to get, because trust seems like it has to be a given in a good relationship – and it does. But it doesn’t begin with you trusting him.

    It begins with you trusting you.

    It begins with a sense that no matter what he does or says, you’ll be okay. It begins with him getting that you will not tolerate bad behavior, garbage, mistreatment, neglect, or any form of abuse or disconnection.

    And the REASON you can trust yourself not to tolerate bad behavior is just that…you trust yourself!

    And then, it makes it possible for you to be yourself around him. You can be warm, open, loving and easy-going with him.

    Why Trusting Yourself Brings Him Closer

    If you so completely respect and accept yourself, you’ll automatically respect and accept him – exactly the way HE is.

    And he instantly “gets” that you respect and accept him.

    Your intention to be exactly who you are in his presence – no matter what – not only completely turns him on, it makes him feel manly and accepted and trusted all at the same time.

    And that’s when he becomes trustworthy.

    That’s when you begin to trust him. And that’s how a great, deep, and connected relationship gets created.

    So much of this depends on the words you use. They have to be not only respectful and communicate simply – they have to be true!

    Men are so used to hearing demands from women – from their mothers, their teachers, and even the women around them at work. They’re so used to this that they almost automatically shutdown and tune out whenever the sound of your voice or the content of your words triggers them in a way that feels like a demand.”

    Rori



  328.  #328Daria on September 14, 2013 at 9:07 am

    well he told me since i said was mad he says he hopes im not mad at him if im not paying for him i have no reason to

    and i just feeling messaged back and didnt blame and i feel sooo good!

    i even cried a few tears and that felt awesome!

    i feel so good to have expressed myhself!!!!! aahhhhh



  329.  #329Daria on September 14, 2013 at 9:08 am

    “well its not your fault O and the truth is i do feel pist. i even felt pist before at not having an offer to pay for ME. and now was jus feelin excited i thought your plan was goin in november and i just needed that 1500 to go wit… that was way out of my reach at the time and even way early for me… an now i made it happen an it feel out of reach again… i feel like cryin now ๐Ÿ™ i guess the message is its not that time dont depend on no man still… i be my own man still but im sooo tired of that O …



  330.  #330Daria on September 14, 2013 at 9:09 am

    yay i feel so good to express myself this way!

    i forgot how good it feels!

    i feel embarassed to have expressed that and embarassed to share it here and bit scared that the part about the message bein that

    is that blamy?

    and yet i feel mostly so good



  331.  #331Daria on September 14, 2013 at 9:13 am

    i feel judgemental of myself as ‘whiny”



  332.  #332Indigo on September 14, 2013 at 9:26 am

    Amanda,

    Yes ๐Ÿ™‚ This is what I finally realized. When I am being myself and doing what I feel like, it will not look like what I feel like I am “supposed” to be doing, like what other people are doing, and it maybe won’t fit in with what a lot of people want to do. But this is the way it *should* be. I’m not meant to fit in with a lot of people, and I’m not meant to fit in with a lot of guys. And being true to me is ultimately what feels best to me and what be just right for the right men.

    And how could I ever beat myself up for being me, or for a relationship ending. That is putting far too much responsibility on me. And whilst there are always ways I can grow and learn and be a better partner, those relationships were going to end anyway.



  333.  #333Daria on September 14, 2013 at 9:30 am

    omg. his answer feels so good. i feel all smiles now. its basically what he’s said already, and what i was judgng him for, but now in ths enerhgy it feels GREEAT

    him:

    “You can depend on me, just don’t. Keep reaching for your dreams. You don’t need any man to achieve them. I’m not planning on going directly to Brazil, like I said I got a whole adventure in mind and it’s all about me. I wouldn’t want you to feel alienated.”

    omg omg i feel so good ๐Ÿ™‚



  334.  #334Daria on September 14, 2013 at 9:34 am

    1 message: “dont judge men as being ‘feminine’ just Feeling message them w no blame and allow MY healing to come!”



  335.  #335Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 9:38 am

    Sirens it’s taking everything I have not to text cutecityCD today. I feel like leaning forward but I’m not going to.
    I am going to take care if me today. I am going to read and go out for coffee and relax and wear a cute outfit. I am also maybe getting a pedicure and manicure.
    I feel lonely though for male attention!



  336.  #336Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 9:39 am

    330 wow that message feels confusing to me Daria.



  337.  #337Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 9:44 am

    I feel totally annoyed confused and piney about cutecityCD. He poofed. So what. Be a beach Emerson not sandpaper!
    I get attached too easily sometimes. But I love that bout myself too that I can be open and love easily…
    Just hard to take anyone seriously when they end up proofing on you!



  338.  #338Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 9:45 am

    I meant flypaper not sandpaper hahhaha



  339.  #339Daria on September 14, 2013 at 10:01 am

    Emerson… really? wow i feel surprised… well i feel really really good getting that advice

    i guess i really Do want to not depend on a man, i mean a part of me would feel safe to know to depend on me….

    and to have that encouragment while hearing tha ti Can depend on a man and yet im being encouraged to go for it on my own just feels really really good… and i hear him about his trip on his own, and i WOULDNT want to feel alienated either which is what i was fearing

    i just feel really trusted and believed in to be able to reach my dreams on my own… really lifted me up to know that he thinks i can do this



  340.  #340Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 10:09 am

    Daria I believe that is something a real man would encourage. I love this type of straightforwardness and honest



  341.  #341Daria on September 14, 2013 at 10:54 am

    Femininewoman – yeah! i felt that too i even told him this is real to me and told him i felt happie and turned on now

    he said ok i dont know what i said but thast GReat ๐Ÿ™‚

    heheh ๐Ÿ™‚



  342.  #342MovingMagic on September 14, 2013 at 10:54 am

    FeminineWoman, the observation on women dropping what they’re doing to answer a text/pick up the phone can be so true! I’ve noticed that I only respond like that when I’m coming from a needy or uncomfortable place.



  343.  #343Liquid Light on September 14, 2013 at 11:10 am

    “Maybe I should rewrite the story more accurately and realize I wasnโ€™t to cold, he was too hot!”

    Amanda: Yes! I had the same experience with my ex.



  344.  #344Dominique on September 14, 2013 at 11:36 am

    Elsie – 232 – For now these are simply words, puffs of air in the wind. Let him show you if he will.

    You can date them both. You don’t have to decide anything at all right now or even soon.

    xxoo



  345.  #345Dominique on September 14, 2013 at 11:46 am

    Jammy – 263 – That is a lot of alcohol and a yes a problem, yet it’s NOT your job to help him. He has to come to this on his own and seek it if he will.

    xxoo



  346.  #346Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    So now I am just getting out how I felt during my previous relationship…and when I wrtoe them I realized I was writing them in the order I felt them.
    I felt shy
    I felt uncomfortable
    I felt embarrassed
    I felt taken care of
    I felt warm
    I felt sexy
    I felt feminine
    I felt pushed
    I felt judged
    I felt ashamed
    I felt owned
    I felt bitter
    I felt foolish
    I felt bored
    I felt angry
    I felt suspicious
    I felt confused
    I felt surprised
    I felt giddy
    I felt happy
    I felt weird
    I felt hurt
    I felt lonely
    I felt abandoned
    I felt rage
    I felt pain

    Notice how in the beginning I was shy and uncomfortable then I felt more nice feelings then I felt judged and then it just goes all down hill. Well except for the last date where he was so sweet right before he dumped me. But I recognize at that point when I felt judged and hurt I did really express that. I’m gonna change that next time.

    Just a little exercise I did.



  347.  #347Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 1:09 pm

    I’m taking care of myself today but feeling a deep sadness mixes with feeling thankful for my “down time”…
    I feel out of reach from meeting men…although I feel that’s what I need right now!



  348.  #348Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Daria I understand better now how you see the comment and it makes sense to me.



  349.  #349Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    I feel teary and I feel like I have so much love that I want to share with someone…yes I can share it with me, but at times that feels empty…/



  350.  #350Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    Eek I feel afraid of “desperation” and “needyness” but I also think this is BS because perhaps everyone feels that way from one time or another,?!!



  351.  #351Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    Spamming the blog sirens … :)))



  352.  #352Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Ok…I am realizing that I need to write these as feelin messages as I would have told him if I spoke my true feelings to him. So I can have some clarity about how I would say them if I am in this situation again. I am really struggling with this so bear with me as I explore.

    I felt disappointed when I first saw him…not as cute as I thought
    I felt concerned when he told me a secret about himself
    I felt uncomfortable when he needed to get a hotel in town cuz his car needed a repair
    I felt obligated when he asked me to stay and have a drink at the hotel
    I felt obligated to pick him up from the hotel and take him to his car the next day
    I felt obligated when I agreed to breakfast and was late to work
    I felt uncomfortable when he asked me for a day long date for the second date
    I felt uncomfortable when he asked me to go away for a weekend after the second date.
    (Btw this was the first and only time I told him my feelings and actually said I was uncomfortable with that and he understood)
    I felt suspicious when I couldn’t figure out his job situation but he always had meetings and it didn’t make sense.
    I felt happy when he came to my house for dinner
    I felt warm when we had sex and I felt in control
    I felt warm when he told me more secrets about himself
    I felt strange and wary about those secrets
    I felt I was beginning to not like who he was as a person based on those secrets
    I felt both happy but weird that he was seeming to make up meetings in my area in order to see me
    I felt lied to about those meetings
    I felt giddy and warm when I visited his area
    I felt embarrassed that he was all over me in the restaurant in front of people
    I felt embarrassed when I realized people were staring at us
    I felt strange when he ‘scolded’ me about something I had done that we had already cleared up days ago.
    I felt angry that he brought it up again
    I felt controlled
    I felt weird that he wanted me to stay the next day and hadn’t asked if I had plans
    I felt weird when he started making future plans after date 5
    I felt anger, rage, scared, fear, abandoned when he got angry at me on date 6 for no reason and just left and wouldn’t talk
    I felt judged when he told me I dominate the conversation
    I felt happy when he wanted to talk again
    I felt stifled when I couldn’t say a word and didn’t tell him how I felt
    I felt happy when he wanted to see me earlier than planned.
    I felt guilty that I said no
    I felt suspicious when he made the next date
    I felt suspicious when he went on the next ‘meeting’trip.
    I felt giddy when he brought me a ridiculously expensive b day present
    I felt weird that he would buy me that since we were technically still trying to figure this out
    I felt ignored when he spent that last night
    I felt stifled again on that date
    I felt irrelevant when he left
    I felt very suspicious when he sat in my driveway for 20 mins when he left
    I felt angry when he didn’t call
    I felt rage when he stood me up
    I felt despair when he texted he was back with his ex
    I felt EVERYTHING when I found out it wasn’t it ex.



  353.  #353Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 2:11 pm

    Oh Emerson…Don’t fear desperation…we all feel it. We all have it. We all act on it. It is probably how badly you beat yourself up after that makes desperation so dreadful



  354.  #354Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    Emreson…why are you saying cutecityCD poofed? How long has it been?



  355.  #355Luzydel on September 14, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    So SD texted me saying that he noticed that “unless he reach out tome, he won’t hear from me” hmm we are not a couple first of all, so I do not have to check on him. If he text me I reply, If he ask me out I may say yes. but no I am not going to reach out to him or any man unless I know they are interested.



  356.  #356Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 3:31 pm

    Luzydel
    Did you tell him this? It may clear things up and make him understand you feel that is his job so that he doesn’t get confused about your feelings



  357.  #357Sirenity on September 14, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    233 @Elsie

    You know in the movie when the heroine is about to do something ” Aw NOOO” , when you drop the popcorn and cringe, tense and unbelieving on the edge of your seat, ” She is not about to fall for that old one is she?” Yep , well thats what it felt like over here reading this latest drama. It does feel good that you recognise the dramatic qualities.

    What is romantic love all about ?? Well I believe it has to be in front of you and operational in the present tense to be real. You were happy and excited and thrilled with CollegeCD until the other one made yet another promise. OK it was more than previously, but just idle words. Old sad parts of your heart were probably over joyed GS finally admitted his feelings, but having feelings is a long long way from a loving relationship with a women. Many people can’t do it.

    I felt very bad reading that he was going to “tell her now” . Does this mean that all his talk of being separated and leaving the home soon was a lie? Obviously I dont know any details .I thought it was strange that he didnt date you properly if he was as single as he claimed to be. Does this mean he was just another partnered guy wanting a thrill on the side?

    An available genuine man is ..umm..available. He is single. He is living separately from any ex . He is involved with his kids if he has them , and he has sorted out his life. A genuine good man will wait until he has done all this before he approaches his Goddess with a future plan.

    The scary music is blaring in Siren theatre Elsie and there are a few more twists and turns still to play out. Good luck!



  358.  #358SallythatgirlSarakrencickiSarakr on September 14, 2013 at 4:31 pm

    Hi! I usually am a lurker and rarely post but I was wondering if I could get some help! So I have read Rori and have her e book and several programs… Long story short, I dated a guy, messed up fairly bad,I got drunk and embarrassed myself…now he’s forgiven me but we have only had house dates since…3 weeks! I have yet to drink in front of him again or at all…we are neighbors so we live fairly close. I feel like a booty call. We are friends and have been for a few months and so the house hangouts are normal, but now no more dates. I don’t ask him to do anything so he’s made me lunch, invited me to a movie, and for a visit. I am sure since I was the one who kind of messed up our last social outing he is a bit apprehensive… But I am a fitness professional so it WAS just a mistake…so my question…when he invites me over do I say, “I don’t feel very excited doing a house date.” or do I say, “I feel like I would like to go out to dinner or a movie instead of hanging out.”… I guess my question is, when we say what we don’t want, do we tack on what we do want? Or just let them take the lead and figure it out? Thanks so much



  359.  #359Sirenity on September 14, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    Sally ..Maybe when he invites you over you say .. “it would feel great to see you ! I dont want to just hang around at home though, what do you suggest? ”

    Though actually what stands out in your post is ” I feel like a booty call”. If that is what this is about, a reduced “status” where he has unilaterally downgraded you from regular date material to booty call , then you need to look at that. If you want a relationship then you stop doing the booty call. If he asks you over to watch a movie, you go, then you go home..no booty. You dont have to spell this out , he KNOWS , men always do .

    If he asks you why ..you can always say ..” It feels weird not dating anymore. i dont feel comfortable being f@@@ buddies with a man”. You get to set the rules of this by enforcing your boundaries. If you are scared he wont like you any more if you dont booty with him..then you are coming from a place of “not good enough” which needs to get gone! When you accept and forgive your mistake yourself then you realise you dont need to be demoted because of it and a guy who would do that is not necessarily offering you the relationship you want.



  360.  #360Amanda on September 14, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Sally….no problem with saying “I feel like…(Insert what you feel like doing) What do you think? ”
    PS…for this first outing I would say anything that doesn’t involve drinking.



  361.  #361Vi on September 14, 2013 at 6:25 pm

    I felt moved by today’s letter from Rori too… It got me thinking. My main triggers now come up when I interact with my girl friends or family… Am I losing trust in myself and that I will be okay no matter what at those moments…? Feeling cutious… May I really be okay and feel okay if I lose their love and approval? I feel unsure.. I feel scared



  362.  #362Vi on September 14, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    Can I really have so much trust in myself..? I notice self judgements coming up… I feel like I’m abandoning them… I feel not okay when it feels like I’m abandoning close people… Yhey mean so much for me it feels painful and triggering to see them triggered.. and I feel almost ready to make peace with the fact that I do have and need boundaries with family and friends too, not only with romantically interested in me guys… I feel scared to go from being a doormat-y friend or daughter or sister to being me… Abd being okay no matter what…. That feels like a big leap… At least it feels like moving forward, and it feels good… I love me!



  363.  #363Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 7:19 pm

    Today has been challenging…



  364.  #364Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 7:24 pm

    351-352 hi amanda thank you for your words:)
    It has been a week since I have heard from cutecityCD. Maybe he has not poofed and I hope not, but usually he will contact me more often….



  365.  #365Zia on September 14, 2013 at 7:33 pm

    Hi ladies

    I’m a little hungover so I imagine feeling more emotional than I normally would. I have to ask, when you start setting boundaries, and saying “no” to things that might not feel good… do you feel torn?

    I have a situation where in the past I probably would have said “yes” to something, but knowing that it would only have been because I wanted to get close to this person. Instead I said no, because I knew that if I went down that path I probably would have caused myself more hurt and unreasonable expectations.

    But I still feel… like I’ve lost some kind of chance with this person for saying no. I suppose when we start changing habits and patterns it feels a lot more difficult because the old habits feel “safe” and “comfortable” even though they never got us what we wanted….



  366.  #366Zia on September 14, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    I feel happy that I was honest with myself first. And did what was right for me. I trusted by boundaries, I followed my feelings, I chose my words.



  367.  #367Zia on September 14, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    As someone who has always wanted to be in relationship, if you had said to me I have fear of intimacy issues I would have balked.

    I’ve realised I really do. Met a really lovely guy last night, we exchanged numbers and he’s been in touch with me today. He is really sweet and really nice, and I can feel myself wanting to push him away. I feel overwhelmed just by him being in touch with me straight away. I’m going to just keep being open even though it feels terrifying. Why does it feel so scary????



  368.  #368Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    RE 363 – Yupp



  369.  #369Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    Sally how about living rather than waiting around for him to schedule a hangout? Start going out even with girlfriends so that when he calls you are actually out doing something so he gets to realize that is what you want to do. Maybe he invites you over because he realizes you have nothing to do and he is trying to help you out with some fun. If he hasn’t labeled your status as f!&#ck buddies then I wouldn’t if I were you. Once its out your mouth it will be you labelling yourself in his mind and telling him he is wrong, is my humble opinion. I would try telling him he is a great man and I like spending time with. I also don’t want to be indoors all the time because I want to experience being around other people and living my life with variety and passion.

    Yes tell him I feel…., I don’t want……,I want……What do you think we can do together so that we both can enjoy ourselves?

    As I matter of fact addressing the incident and letting him know what you have noticed since then and asking if there is something you need to know might be helpful. It would you be telling the microscopic truth and talking about what you are fearful of. His response might surprise you



  370.  #370Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 8:58 pm

    360 Vi
    Wow that’s pretty big stuff! Transformational stuff!
    I’ve notice when going through transformation and change I feel a bit if a backlash from people but it usually is just because they are surprised and it all works out in the end. Otherwise I feel the ones who can’t accept me fall by the wayside and were not good influences anyway!
    It’s difficult though



  371.  #371Femininewoman on September 14, 2013 at 9:00 pm

    Also Sally when you state what you do want, be prepared for him to not want to do that. You should be prepared to do that for yourself or allow someone else to help you to do it if he doesn’t want to. He is entitled to opt out. Not obligated to do what you want



  372.  #372Zia on September 14, 2013 at 9:09 pm

    By saying yes, I would have probably become attached to this person and had high expectations that would have been unreasonable and unmet. By saying no, I got the same outcome, but without the hurt and attachment.

    I know that if a man wants to date me, or pursue me, or spend time with me, or be with me, he will act accordingly. Stay on my bridge!



  373.  #373Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 9:34 pm

    I’m cutting sugar out I my diet and maybe that’s why I felt blue today.
    I have a habit of eating OT shopping when I feel lonely! It helps but not good for my body or my wallet!!

    I found myself today not having those coping mechanisms as an option and it was challenging.
    I realize how much I’ve used those things as a crutch!



  374.  #374Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 9:35 pm

    I’m actually having some feelings come up like anger and sadness!
    I feel angry and lonely!



  375.  #375Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    Hmm I felt so weird today a deep loneliness I have not felt in a long long time….
    I feel better now at home with a cup of tea :/



  376.  #376Vi on September 14, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Hey Emerson! Thank you for your comment, I feel so warm reading it. And there is a new thread by the way!

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/how-do-i-know-when-gifts-from-men-come-with-strings/



  377.  #377Vi on September 14, 2013 at 10:25 pm

    Oops looks like my comment to Emerson got lost…



  378.  #378Vi on September 14, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    Emerson I don’t know what’s happening by my words about how warm I feel reading your comment to me and that there is a new thread up are not posting….



  379.  #379Vi on September 14, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    ๐Ÿ™‚



  380.  #380Emerson on September 14, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Thanks Vi ๐Ÿ™‚
    I will move to the new post



  381.  #381Elsie on September 15, 2013 at 10:40 am

    #260 – FW – THANK YOU. Amazing post to me. I appreciate your time to write it and you are absolutely right.

    I had a wonderful date with CollegeCD last night and he spent the night and we had a great time, a LONG talk about us and a LOT about GS. He said that he wants me to be sure, and he doesnt want me to go back and date him, but if I needed to then he wouldnt say no, because CollegeCD wants me to be with him forever, and doesnt want me to have any doubt. He said he needs me to know for sure – so whatever I have to make that happen. OMG – seriously? After hearing that – it was amazing, and he is so amazing. He texted me all day until the date, and then we just hung out and talked and laughed for hours, its so easy with him. We woke up this morning and started out the day by laughing. Literally, we woke up and smiled and started laughing. So. Easy.

    #355 @Sirinity – OMG. I laughed out loud at your post. I could see someone doing this: You know in the movie when the heroine is about to do something โ€ Aw NOOOโ€ , when you drop the popcorn and cringe, tense and unbelieving on the edge of your seat, โ€ She is not about to fall for that old one is she?โ€ Yep , well thats what it felt like over here reading this latest drama. It does feel good that you recognise the dramatic qualities.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE that. Thank you – it really helped me!!!!!! Then you wrote:……

    What is romantic love all about ?? Well I believe it has to be in front of you and operational in the present tense to be real. You were happy and excited and thrilled with CollegeCD until the other one made yet another promise. OK it was more than previously, but just idle words. Old sad parts of your heart were probably over joyed GS finally admitted his feelings, but having feelings is a long long way from a loving relationship with a women. Many people canโ€™t do it.

    Yes…Yes…1000 times yes. You are 100% right.

    I’m hoping that the ending of the dramatic Elsie movie is coming to an end.

    I did test the waters and see if GS would text me a bunch this weekend, he didnt. I guess there you have it. In the meantime, CollegeCD is so overwhelmingly awesome, seriously I Have no idea what I did to deserve such a fantastic guy.

    Thank you again everyone. THANK YOU.



  382.  #382Ariel on September 15, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    Rori, Dominique, and Indigo,

    Thank you very much for your feedback! Yes, I thought that was pretty tacky, too, when he asked a second time for my facebook ID when I had just declined.

    I guess I still struggle with two things: 1) I don’t like to hurt guys’ feelings, and 2) I am trying to find the right balance with being unconditionally loving. The way I see it is no man is perfect, and no woman is perfect. So I figure relational skills are largely for resolving our differences. But I don’t know, I guess when it’s so early and he’s flubbing up, it’s time to move on.

    It’s just so rarely that a man has offered to meet me at the place of my choice; insisted on paying; and all the gentlemanly ways I long to feel. These days men just swear around a lady, expect her to hold the door, etc. I feel confused.



  383.  #383Radlove on September 15, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    Heart,

    204 – You’re very welcome!



  384.  #384Dominique on September 15, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    Ariel – You are not responsible for a man’s feelings; he’s a big boy, and he can handle his own feelings. You are only responsible for yours.

    It’s not that he’s messing up, it’s more that he doesn’t seem to be on the same page as you.

    xxoo



  385.  #385Ignis on September 15, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Dear Rori and Sirens ๐Ÿ™‚

    Long story short: I though I did not have any problems with relationships, until He showed up. And I ended up going through everything from dating, imaginary relationship, friendship, friends with benefits, loosing pregnancy, toxic relationship (probably imaginary as I see it now) to ending up in drama between him and mother of his child (drama to extend where police was involved) all in two years.

    Somewhere in the last stage, when the drama began, I just felt the need to start communicating better, that I somehow failed to express what was inside to him and others. And that is when I found Rori’s book and it appealed to me. Some of it was natural. I purchased the video courses and especially the speeches felt helpful. It kind of started to work for a while, he listened, we worked things out for a short period. I continued with the courses and more things fell in place. Right up to a point he stopped talking and I got more and more insecure, and somewhere before I admitted to myself I was addicted to toxic.

    Now I feel grateful that he showed in my life and triggered everything he did. So I could learn and see what I was doing to myself. The toxic men course helped to see that too. And the blog posts and your comments here as well. But I still feel I miss the point on some level.

    It has been almost two months since I last wrote to him. I started changing my life upside down. Working out, quitting smoking, adopting a cat, starting a garden and constantly working on myself. But I somehow still end up going back to toxic (to some extend) and thinking about him, though I do not even want to anymore. And I feel really irritated with myself. I feel like something is about to happen but the big day never arrives.

    I got caught up in this post here: https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/losing-weight-and-feeling-misery-when-defenses-come-down-you-get-a-new-life/ trying to read it evertime I feel like I go back to toxic. And then it works a short while and then it does not. And I know everything has it up and downs, life, feelings, love, everything. But then I end up being so angry, because love is not supposed to be that hard! Then why I have to work so hard on myself all of a sudden? Why I have to admit to myself I was an addict to toxic, why I have to admit I feel lonely? (and I am not the type to beat myself about things, no).

    And so I sit here and wonder, what I really feel. I feel irritated and bored with all this work, really. I mean, if I work out after a while i can see effects (hey I lost 13cm in my hips in 100days), if I go to an exam I get the results. Do I really want to work though god knows how long through dates and maybe one of them will be meant for me and I will learn something? I mean love is not supposed to be so hard!

    So I am quitting toxic, i am committing to a toxic free life, and what makes it so difficult is the waiting for something to happen. If I work with the tools here surely someday the toxic will go away. How do I know when I achieved non toxic? I never do, cause nothing will really happen. The only thing I am doing when I stopped last toxic is waiting to see how long it will be before I give in. The mental agony and feeling of uncertainty just continues. And I feel far from forgetting about him, and my mind still obsesses about him. How long will the longing last? Will I ever be happy again? Will I ever want to get up in the morning? In fact things happen, my hormones forgot him, but I cannot really notice it. After a while I think I am getting somewhere, so I allow myself one little tiny though and then I am hooked again. And I do not even want to anymore and I do not feel afraid (I mean of what, he is not here anymore, so loosing him is not a question anymore, since he is long gone).

    And I bounce back between old toxic and hard work with the tools, that feels so discouraging and simply hard at the end. Why this has to be so hard if I really deserve it? Love is not supposed to be this hard. Even a brutal training is more fun. Even running a marathon is more fun. FUN!

    I made a torture of all the tools. A nice and comfortable way to torture myself. Not because I was scared or because I thought I do not deserve anything better. I simply believed it was supposed to be torture. A classic martyr thing. Maybe I missed it somewhere in between the lines, that this is not hard. Maybe I did not want to see. I do not know. But I sit here and feel it is fun and easy, finally. It is effortless really, natural. I feel what I feel and it comes and goes. But I am here and I intend to have fun with everything, with my new life and even with the little nicotine creature that is telling me to smoke one cigaret after another and which I will tickle until it laughs so hard it will forget its purpose. And HE, he can just be, I can have fun with that as well. So Sirens, please, tickle me next time I forget this is fun! Tickle me until I cannot breathe next time I feel I miss the point or that things are difficult.

    <3

    PS. I sometimes feel bad I cannot really be part of this big awesome discussion here, but I simply feel I do not have so much to give yet, not so many point to make. But I send you tones of hugs everyday girls.



  386.  #386Ariel on September 15, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    Dominique,

    384…thank you very much! That helps. So like some women might be cool with doing everything in halves as equals. He is not on board with Sirenicity! LOL! His loss.



  387.  #387Tereana on September 16, 2013 at 12:35 pm

    Indigo and Amanda – on the smell issue: totally.

    I was able to “get over” the smell, for the most part, but not really. And, with this guy, too, it wasn’t a matter of hygiene. It was just his natural odor, which I found very strong and off-putting. I tried not to be “judgmental” about it, but at the same time, it seemed to indicate something very amiss about the whole situation. And I wonder, with his new girlfriend/wife: does she smell the same thing? Or does she actually enjoy the way that he smells? Smell can be as much perception as anything. Perhaps what smells foul to one person is completely comforting and turning-on to another (at least when it comes to guys).

    Someone actually *has* done a study, where they had women smell mens’ sweaty shirts and gauged their reactions, via levels of oxytocin, or something like that. There were some very interesting results.

    But smell is also emotional, and it’s a very “primal” sense. It reaches at something within us very deeply. And I can also say from experience how nice it is when a man does smell very good to you.

    The nose knows….



  388.  #388Indigo on September 16, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Yes Tereana, it is very deep and primal.

    I remember once I accidentally packed one of D’s shirts that he had been wearing into my things, and then I slept in it and I didn’t want to take it off, because of his smell.



  389.  #389Cris on September 18, 2013 at 11:16 am

    Ignis <3 <3