A Married Man Is – Yes – Unavailable…

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The Question:

Hello, Rori. Thank you for sharing all the information with us.

Yes, I feel good because I feel like somebody else understand what I have been through all this time, and yet I never met you. Maybe you don’t even care about our problems, but thank you anyway.

I met this guy about 4 years ago. I must say that I was in a bad situation by myself. I just wasn’t in a good stage at all, financially, emotionally, etc. I wanted to wait, and move things slowly but he was pushing a lot, he wanted me to be devoted completely.

He talked much about our relationship etc. He helped me a lot with organizing my life. He talked a lot about how I should be and what he feels and what he likes.

I was very close from inside. I didn’t know exactly how to talk about my feelings, and my language wasn’t good enough. I offered him a lot; meals, cooking and meetings wherever he wanted.

I didn’t see any other man because I didn’t feel good about it and he always checked my phone, facebook etc. I never liked it and we had thousand of fights. After few weeks, I was in a situation when I offered a lot and I didn’t feel like he is devoted to me.

I told him I want this to be over.

And he said that before I will make my decision he has to tell me something. He said that he has other commitment. He is married and has kids. He was breaking up and coming back after this for several times.

From one point I can understand that this is all wrong!

I hate the idea that he has other commitments and I don’t want to be the second one because I truly feel like I deserve more. He still lives with his wife and I live with my parents. I used to rent a room and he was just pop in every day, make a love, talk enjoy and go.

Everything feels so confused to me, because when I told him NO and even when I followed my decision- we were always coming back together after a while.

It seems like nothing is helping. He told me he never feels secure enough next to me to be able to make one step more.

Is there a possibility that this is all me?

Am I responsible for all this situation?

What should I do? Please help. Anna

My Answer:

Anna, he doesn’t have other “commitments” – he is married.

He has also lied to you, withheld that information, and attempted to bind you to him exclusively while he was not bound to you.

This is a completely unacceptable man.

Although I would like to say that I do not understand why you choose to blame yourself in this situation, I do understand!

That’s what we women do! We take responsibility for EVERYTHING!

I totally encourage you to get some coaching.

Any of my certified or even non-certified coaches can help you quite quickly to understand that you are not the guilty party here,  that this man has no business in your life, and that you deserve way better.

As soon as you begin to feel like you deserve real love, men will come to you in droves, and you will have your pick of them.

You can find a coach here!  Go to the link in the menu that says Ask A Coach – and then check out all of the coaches.

They all have free offers, many have free sessions, many have free classes every week!

Check them out and find somebody to follow and perhaps take a session or two with!

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on June 14, 2017 at 7:38 pm

    Sad that we get ourselves in these situations

  2.  #2Jaimelove on June 17, 2017 at 11:23 am

    Hi ladies, I have been asked by married men to be their play thing, it really makes me feel sick. On that note, I have had a most rare and scary encounter with someone I never met but was talking to from a dating site called pof. When I felt I wasn’t interested because he wasnt being respectful and I had a hunch I should not continue the conversation so I told him honestly that I wasn’t interested and I wished him best of luck. He sent me the ugliest and nastiest text full of curse words towards me and my children. I know it’s his ego and I should not take it to heart, I don’t really but what bothers me is that I feel like I am constantly being disappointed with the men I am meeting. I already feel like I have had bad luck and this really doesn’t make me feel anymore positive about the dating or giving any man a chance. I know that at the end it will be only one man that I settle with but I feel like giving up before I get there, there are way too many frogs. So saddened and have a bitter nauseous taste in my mouth now.

  3.  #3Shahrzad on June 25, 2017 at 7:19 am

    Hi Jaimelove

    I know how awful it must have felt to receive such an ugly message, especially when the person attacks your children. There is absolutely no excuses for that, and I’m so glad that you’re not taking it personally. You know that he has a HUGE trigger when it comes to feeling rejected, and he just reacts in the most unpleasant way.
    And I hear you when you say you feel unlucky with the quality of the men that you’re meeting. I used to be always attracting low-effort men and spent years and years with them in hopes that they will change. And they never did. But finally through innerwork and private coaching, I learned that my actions didn’t allow for the man in my life to step up (even though I wanted a high quality man who would pursue me). I used to be very overgiving, over-accomodating, and always making it super easy for them. I had to work on the nasty voices in my head that would say: If you make it hard for him, he won’t stay, he’ll leave you.
    And I’d like to ask you to pay attention to the nasty voices in your head. What do they say that perhaps are blocking you from attracting a high quality man?
    If you need any help discovering these voices please contact me (I’m a Rori Raye trainee coach).

  4.  #4Jaimelove on June 25, 2017 at 8:06 am

    Thank you so much shahrazd,

    I don’t know about nasty voices in my head. What does bother me is the hate that I feel towards men. I thought I was over it, until I got pregnant with my third child and it is a long story but his father is not in his life. My ex husband is also not involved but not by choice, and the boyfriend I had with my third child also just now chooses to ignore that he has a second child when even though he is well involved with his first from a previous relationship. Now the last 3 years I have undergone a huge amount of abuse from my parents, I won’t talk about my mother as much, I will share however that I do feel so disappointed in both of them, and I feel very sad about how my parents chose to do such evil things to me and my children. I have been imprisoned in a country without any reason apart from the control that my Parents have over us. Like the movie not without my daughter but I have 3 kids. I am originally from Toronto and cannot go back because of what my parents are doing. I have learned a great deal about forgiveness, found my voice in my writing, awakened to my spiritual self, and see life in a different light. However, I still carry some deep seaded anger towards men. I think that if I was to start somewhere I would say that my parents make me ill and that any relationship with myself and anyone else reminds me of their relationship, and that every man I fear will leave anyway, or hurt and control me. I have had so many men in my life some good some bad, all have taught me something but they are all gone. They all leave. And I am tired of always expecting that.

    I have been through so much in my 38 years and yet I still want to believe in love. My love for my children has what’s given me the strength to stay above all the pain be the mother they need me to be through it all. I’m just tired of handling it all on my own.