A Movie Recommendation For Your Love Life

Untitled design (14)

I loved this – available to rent:

“Happy Thank You More Please”

Look for :

…the vulnerability of one of the female characters and her ability to speak and riff…

…the quality of the men….these are what you want (all except for one…)

…the beliefs we have about what we want that are keeping us from happiness…and a Tool to turn that around for yourself…

Love, Rori

Posted in

1 Comments

  1.  #1April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 7:34 am

    ooh, thanks.
    love movies.

    looking forward to the teleclass tonight



  2.  #2Calypso on August 27, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I’ll check it out 🙂



  3.  #3Calypso on August 27, 2012 at 8:00 am

    My date with JC on Friday night was fun. We went to dinner and then to an outdoor country bar where there was a bad playing. We laughed and danced and kissed like teenagers.

    He kept teasing me saying he could tell i liked him by the twinkle in my eyes and the smile on my face. I teased him back by saying, “I don’t NOT like you” . . . Lol. Or, “I might like you a little bit” – stuff like that.

    He took me back to his place and tried to make out with me on the couch, but I started to feel a little panic in my chest and asked him to take me home. He wants to se me again. I will go out with him again, but I still feel that hint of anxiety when I think about it – I can tell he likes me a lot already and I DO NOT want a relationship with him – I have a couple other guys on POF who are asking me out and I want to go out with them too. I don’t want JC to move too fast and assume we are a couple. Trying to keep him from getting to close is of course making him want to persue me even more . . . lol. Figures.



  4.  #4Calypso on August 27, 2012 at 8:07 am

    I rented a cabin this weekend for my son’s USMC Boot Camp Party and the journal they had on the fireplace mantel for people who stay there to write in had this quote on the inside front cover – It made me cry like a baby tyhinking of GM – it’s what I always say, he’s not a perfect man, just perfect for me. Except he isn’t, because he does not want to be with me 🙁

    “He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the mos…t you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry. He’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ~ Bob Marley



  5.  #5Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Hi sirens
    Dancing Siren from other thread…i feel excited for you and your plans to sell your flat and buy a motorhome! How exciting!!



  6.  #6Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 9:19 am

    so, this time I felt disappointed when I thought I was going to see him and didn’t. it actually feels nice to feel disappointed. it feels normal. it feels how I’m supposed to feel about someone I care about.

    I’ve been feeling really sad and really regretful. and I’m trying to just let myself feel it all. It’s okay. I didn’t know any better. I had so much grief and anger built up and I was so afraid to feel it myself, let alone express those feelings to a man and let myself feel those things in his prescence.

    I feel so dumb that so much about relationships hasn’t “clicked” for me until very recently.

    I want to believe there’s a reason for it. Like maybe those men that I loved in my past would never be capable of understanding the depth of my love, my pain, and my rage. (and part of me feels sad knowing that it wasn’t really necessary for them to “understand.”)

    Perhaps a man in my future (and maybe even one in the here and now) will just get it. Especially as I open my heart to him and communicate my feelings.

    Like right now, around this one guy who I DO feel understands, I feel so scared, nervous, angry, and sad around him. I feel afraid to tell him, because those feelings are not his fault or a result of any of his actions.

    I ended up running into him (why does that always happen?) and I felt so surprised and shocked and scared.

    crazy, but I ended up standing in the doorway of the office where he works.

    and he was sitting there working like an angel, and I was standing there in his doorway, feeling so surprised and in awe that my mouth was gaping open and he was just so sweet and asked me if he could help me. and then he did help me. he got up from his seat and walked me to where I needed to go.

    I felt so relieved and comforted and taken care of when he did that. I felt like the balance was somehow restored. Like he felt like a man helping me like that, and I felt like a woman, being helped.

    It felt nice.



  7.  #7Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 9:44 am

    What an encouraging way to start my day: I was laying in bed about to get up when I got a job phone call for a good technical writing job! It’s only through the end of the year, but that would just buy me some time to job hunt while making some serious money. I hope I get it!



  8.  #8bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 9:52 am

    i felt mad a while back because i was sharing what my dreams look like & cd asked, how are you going to do that ? do you have a 5 year plan ? & i felt so so lost & confused & “tricked”….. & now he is saying, that is what i was already doing….. explaining to me….

    my male friend when i shared that story said, “oh it’s so hard to remember not to do that” to put the “what are we doing & how” on the lady… i told him it feels so girly ! to be asked that

    i kind of had a plan but now cd has a real plan & a timeline. i was feeling i was never going to get there & now i feel i’m being carried there… (((universe)))

    felt so sad, went the slow, easy talking way…. share & open, focus on me….. but as soon as we got “into it” i felt shocked because he already knew everything. he brought up the food thing, saying we need some changes, we need to re-focus. we did all the things i want without me asking. without me saying a thing ! bagpipes on the stereo & early bedtimes & cd coloring in a coloring book & me pasting my color doodles….. & had the sex i like & had been missing…. & this morning i was wandering around doing my chores & he stopped me & said, baby make sure you get breakfast & lunch before you go. i have seaweed soup & chai tea with whole milk & yogurt & blueberries & a bean-feta salad. i’m gonna get chips too. i feel happy & cared for.



  9.  #9Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 9:53 am

    3 Ways To Attract A Man
    Using Your Back
    By: Patty Contenta

    I know this sounds weird but I can’t tell you how many people have bad backs! I see it in my dance studio all the time. It’s an epidemic today more than ever because most of us are sitting down working on computers…and guess what happens to the back …SLOUCH! Not only is this NOT attractive, it also has long term health effects like tense muscles which prevent proper movement of the skeletal system.

    I’m not going to get into that now (will leave for one of my experts) but I will touch on the “it” factor that proper posture demonstrates…CONFIDENCE!

    With this “back” awareness, you’ll learn how to arch & angle your back and while creating a subtle invitation to admire your behind. When you can cultivate your curves you trigger a man’s hunter mechanism that makes him want to approach you.

    You’re back is like a snake…it has natural curves and meant to slither when moving. When you begin to use it, it’s like you’ve added another dimension to your projection…it’s like watching a 3D movie!

    Let me explain…
    Throughout my career, a common remark from the judges would be how they love to see a woman who uses her back when she dances, not just her feet and arms. So, I took this information and adapted it in my dancing by imagining oil dripping down my body when I moved or not moved. Can you see where I’m going with this? I was attentive to my muscle movement by becoming aware of the manner in which I arched my back, twisted my waist, contracted my abdominals…every move affected my spine. It was an exhilarating experience!
    Here are some simple tips to encourage the arch of your back…
    1.Take the time to look over your shoulder when you see someone you like by arching your lower back to accentuate the curve.
    2.When taking off your jacket, be sure to arch your back as it glides off of your arms. Don’t rush the process, enjoy every moment…remember think of oil dripping down your body.
    3.Every now and then use your butt as a ledge because whatever you touch, a man will magnetically follow the hypnosis your hand is creating.
    4.When walking, engage your shoulder blades and put all of your attention on your back. Even if you are looking ahead, think about what’s behind you. It will create a subtle change in your energy that is noticeable!
    5.When sitting on a chair, this is when most people slouch. You need to arch your lower back (create that curve)…instead of tucking your pelvis under which creates a rounded back…not pretty.

    Engaging your back muscles will really help your posture and give you a more confident air that most men WILL spot!

    The ultimate key is not to rush…take your time…do it deliberately…it’s a secret between you and yourself…because the intention behind the movement creates an explosive reaction



  10.  #10Heart on August 27, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Sirens – CuddleyGrinch emailed me today asking to go out later in the week.
    He also went into a long explanation about how he was just hoing his friends around town.

    I don’t know what to feel or say…
    I feel spiteful.
    I want to punish him.

    Also I feel happy that he asked me out.
    Hmm…

    I am torn between wanting to nip this in the bud and wanting to explore it some more…



  11.  #11bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 9:59 am

    realized yesterday that where i already am has the green yellow curtains & the purple color i love on every wall. the tree hanging. the birds. in the trees, atop a mountain. idk how humans are so blind. i feel amazed.



  12.  #12Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 10:00 am

    3 Things Men Find Unattractive

    Hello!

    I thought i’d keep this email short and sweet so hopefully you remember to avoid these very common mistakes!

    1. Don’t Agree With Everything He Says – Have an opinion, it’s more attractive
    2. Don’t Show Your Insecurities -Seeking approval is unnattractive i.e. (Do I look fat?)
    3. Don’t Complain. – Self explanatory, nobody likes a complainer! 🙂

    I’ve been researching a lot lately, and these were
    without a doubt the most common mistakes that
    women tend to make (Backed up by countless
    surveys on men)

    I wasn’t joking when I said it was a short email 🙂
    Talk to you soon,

    Lisa Harris



  13.  #13Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Hi Heart – spite and punishment does not cultivate love, peace or harmony. Remember the word counterintuitive. It might be the right thing to do but then what will you create?



  14.  #14bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 10:02 am

    not saying anyone else is, just saying i have been



  15.  #15Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Love Note of the Week:
    The vulture fills itself up with the past as it feeds on dead carcasses. The hummingbird fills itself up with the freshness of the present as it feeds on blossoms. Be like the hummingbird.

    “Heartbreak can turn us into the vulture, focused on the past and struggling to get by. Love can fill us up and we feel like the hummingbird – as if we too, can fly. Look for the fresh blossoms in your life and soak in each glorious moment. Search out what is new and fresh and fill yourself up with the present moment. Let the hummingbird guide you to your joy.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew



  16.  #16bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 10:09 am

    i googled “relationship ocd” & even though i’ve decided i don’t believe in ocd anymore, i did relate to a lot of what they shared…… i feel more committed to slow communication with myself.

    it felt shocking. truly shocking. to talk with cd. he was upset, but somehow not triggered. he understood me & heard me… & expressed himself to me. i felt instantly safe again when i had been feeling so scared.



  17.  #17bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 10:11 am

    i forgot how much i love to drink broth at my desk. it makes me feel comfortable & safe & loved.



  18.  #18Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 10:12 am

    I need help. I’m going to have to be in close proximity with seenmecrycd, and I feel terrified.

    I don’t want to avoid this thing, because if he wasn’t going to be there, I would still go. I want to live my life and I don’t want to be cowardly.

    I’m not sure how I’m going to feel, but some voice in the back of my head is telling me that it would be “inappropriate” to be honest about my feelings, because of seenmecrycd’s girlfriend.

    but that doesn’t feel “right” either.

    I feel like I either have to “hide” my feelings and be inauthentic, or “show” them, and be dubbed as “inappropriate.”

    and the whole thing makes me feel angry.

    What should I do? What should I say, given that I don’t even know how I’m going to feel?

    Please help.



  19.  #19April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Iama,

    Can you feel your feelings as they arise, without any pressure to speak them aloud? Talking instead silently to your own inner little girl and giving her reassurance that you are with her and she is safe?



  20.  #20Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 10:21 am

    2. Don’t Show Your Insecurities

    I feel triggered by this. “showing” your insecurities is part of being vulnerable.

    I feel like it is inevitable with authentic feeling messages.

    maybe it’s an issue of “when” to show your insecurities?

    or “how” you show them, ie: through feeling messages when he has approached you?

    I feel angry at these types of “rules.” They feel restricting and inauthentic.



  21.  #21Mel on August 27, 2012 at 10:24 am

    I said:

    “Grrr! I feel like kicking you in the shins, and that makes me feel like a child, because I always kicked the mean boys in the shins… especially the ones who likedme.”

    And he laughed and said “Sorry baby, I don’t want to be mean… I know you’re not feeling well…no more joking.”

    I don’t feel well. I want my mommy to make me some toast and kiss my head. 🙁

    But at least that means I have some time to catch-up on the blog and say hi to my siren friends! 🙂



  22.  #22April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Hello Mel!

    What did he do/say that made you feel like kicking him?



  23.  #23Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 10:30 am

    @19 April Rose – Thank you for your feedback, April Rose.

    I feel really curious about this. I know from experience that even just letting yourself feel your feelings in the prescence of a man has an extremely powerful effect.

    I feel scared to feel my feelings in front of him, because it DOES have an effect on him, and when I see him feeling affected, I feel more connected with him,

    but I’m NOT GOING TO BE WITH A GUY WHO IS COMMITTED TO SOMEONE ELSE.



  24.  #24bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 10:33 am

    iamabutterfly,

    i read that “insecurities” thing a bit differently…

    the example “does this make me look fat?” shows the speaker giving away their self-love power to another person it seems….. i would read it differently if it were – or, i can imagine a siren saying – ” i feel fat in this dress ” lol — like it’s the dress’s problem, not your body’s : )) & also like it’s your problem, not his !

    what do you think about that ?



  25.  #25bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 10:35 am

    ewww “does this make me look fat?” i’m reading like he has all the power to make her feel terrible or make her feel wonderful. i don’t want to rely on a man for my good feelings. & also, i want to feel good : )



  26.  #26Mel on August 27, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Hi April Rose!!!

    I have a migraine and my vision was all fuzzy, and he was looking in my eyes and I asked if my pupils are the same size (sometimes they are not) and he said “Yes… no detectable brain damage… ” Grr!!



  27.  #27Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 10:42 am

    I feel really angry, because i feel like it’s almost impossible to go through life without being fake in some area of your life.

    Fake it until you make it.
    There is some truth to that. If you are detemined to do feel something or to accomplish something, it will not always come naturally.

    Even with implementing the tools, there is an act of the will. Decision has to be made.

    Now I feel confused and sad.



  28.  #28April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Iama,

    “but I’m NOT GOING TO BE WITH A GUY WHO IS COMMITTED TO SOMEONE ELSE.”

    I read this as you shouting to yourself. Out of fear that you might not trust yourself to stay leaned back once you feel a connection with him.

    How about talking to this part of you gently, silently
    “Hey lil girl. I’m here. I know these feelings are huge. I’m here for you and I’m gonna love you through this longing and these big emotions. I’m not gonna let you do anything you don’t want to. I’m keeping you safe for when your Mr Right shows up, okay baby”



  29.  #29April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Ouch, Mel

    I’ve never experienced a migraine but I can imagine it does not feel nice
    ((((Mel))))



  30.  #30Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 10:46 am

    I really liked what I read the other day on here somewhere.

    “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends.”

    If I were the girlfriend of the guy I was saying this to, how would I feel?

    I would feel really angry.

    I’m a girl’s girl. I believe we’re all girl’s girls, deep down. The fact that we are helping each other on this blog attests to that.

    I feel so conflicted.

    I feel embarassed that I still feel so much around SeenmecryCD.

    I feel ashamed.
    and I feel angry, because I didn’t do anything wrong.



  31.  #31Belle on August 27, 2012 at 10:48 am

    12

    I read this and felt…
    done
    complete
    had enough

    really there are more important things in life than to cultivate my habits to be attractive to a man.

    I just want to live my life, be comfortable with myself, be me and if some guy likes it and thinks it will be fun to hang with me, great.
    If not, I’m living my life, having fun, being comfortable being me.

    I feel good.
    I feel relief.
    I give up.
    Yay!



  32.  #32Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 10:48 am

    RE 28 – me too. We set up our boundaries so we can feel strong. Not to use to beat ourselves up. Those caps really came across to me as yelling at oneself.



  33.  #33Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Belle – how about taking out “man” and considering if people or maybe yourself like to be around a complainer? Do you like to be with an insecure man? Do you like a man who agrees with everything you say? I know I actually feel suspicious of yes men.



  34.  #34Heart on August 27, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Feminine woman – Thanks for the input.
    I must fight against my own vindictiveness.
    I feel wronged…I want him to feel that same stab in the chest I did when I saw the pic he want tagged in…

    I want him to feel Not Good Enough and Dumped.
    Also,
    I don’t want him to feel like that at all…



  35.  #35Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Heart – I believe his own conscience or NVs can provide him with those juicy feelings. Show up as confident and knowing your worth and that is enough for him to feel not good enough.



  36.  #36Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 10:55 am

    @28 April Rose – I feel teary reading that, and thankful so much again for your feedback.

    “I’m not gonna let you do anything you don’t want to. I’m keeping you safe for when your Mr Right shows up, okay baby”

    I really like this feeling message to use for myself. It feels really comforting.

    I feel really, really, really sad.

    I feel sad about this one guy who just got married a couple of weeks ago. I really love(d) him.

    I felt and still feel completely helpless when it comes to love. I feel as though I never do anything right. (and yes, I know that isn’t a true feeling statement.)

    I feel rage and I feel sick.



  37.  #37April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 10:59 am

    (((((((Iamabutterfly))))))))

    I hear you, sweetheart. I totally get how you are feeling.



  38.  #38Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Does anyone understand what I mean, though? It’s like a game I can’t win. If I feel what I’m honestly feeling in front of him, it affects him, which in turn, makes me feel even more.

    If I shut down my feelings, it is inauthentic and fake.

    I can’t win!



  39.  #39Calypso on August 27, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Lama ~ To me, it seems like you should be able to feel your feelings in a way that is authentic for you, but at the same time, not “share” them with him or his girlfriend. Having a feeling and speaking about it are two very different things. Your eyes or your smile or the way you hold yourself may make him aware of your feelings, but that is a silent language between the two fo you that can not be inappropriate. He can chose to acknowledge it or not. You feel what you feel – just remember to breathe . . . 🙂



  40.  #40Mel on August 27, 2012 at 11:37 am

    “realized yesterday that where i already am has the green yellow curtains & the purple color i love on every wall. the tree hanging. the birds. in the trees, atop a mountain. idk how humans are so blind. i feel amazed.”

    (((Bloom-ing))) Awwwww…. everything already IS. That makes me feel overjoyed and like a child seeing things with open eyes.



  41.  #41Iamabutterfly on August 27, 2012 at 11:38 am

    @39 Calypso – That was brilliantly helpful. Thank you sooooooooooooooooooo much! I feel relieved and supported!!!



  42.  #42Calypso on August 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Lama – Yea 🙂 I’m so glad I was able to give you some comfort ~



  43.  #43bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 11:55 am

    getting that library feeling & so scared it will show me “scarcity” if i allow myself to go there… but sinking in fearlessly anywayz. hey remember when we saw that man that looked like papa ? yeah. remember going up the stairs behind – like a secret meeting ? the chairs. the up chairs. boards across laps. mmhmm. tea time… & cookies. omg… bells OH the bells…. oh the bells, bells bells bells bells bells bells oh i do feel sad & tear-y, but… what about the beaux arts homes ? ah number numbers, relax…. i just want to think about the dark wood or the flooring laid so delicately, so tight. the paintings hung layer on layer on layer. that’s safe & possible. i allow those things. there’s no lock on them. the echoing entrance hall. majestic. castles. moss. hidden water. i allow that. flying buttresses, stained glass. all the books. the smell of paper. ink. the feeling of paper & ink joining under the pressure & swing of my wrist & forearm… there, you see, i’m not “poorer” for that… i feel yummy, not hungry… thanks



  44.  #44Belle on August 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    33
    FW

    Actually, I don’t have a problem with people who complain
    or feel insecure
    or
    agree with me

    I have great friendships with people who never disagree with me…but that doesn’t mean they don’t have their own opinions, we are usually just very curious about each others perspectives and actually find it great fun to try to see through the others’ lenses.

    I work with a guy who constantly complains and I have tons of fun teasing him and it really brings out the clown in me. He’s the only person I know that really ever complains – or maybe people do and I just don’t notice? It doesn’t bother me. Oh, now I’m thinking of a friend of mine who is a tremendous complainer, and her complaints are theatrical productions, extremely entertaining.

    I find insecurity to be endearing, and I don’t know of anyone who feels insecure for very long with me. Generally I don’t take responsibility for reassuring adults.

    The ones who want to keep playing the “please reassure me” game don’t stick around for very long and I’m searching my memory, feeling curious…and I can’t think of any of my closest friends who reassure me about anything.

    For example, a friend of mine called, frantic, wanting reassurance that the trip she was going to go on was going to be okay, and I told her, “I can’t tell you that! I don’t know the future! What do YOU think? What does your inner guidance tell you? What’s your sense of it?” and she realized she already had her answers and knew she was going to be fine. I didn’t feed her insecurity, I saw her as divine and powerful and after a few quiet moments she got excited and found that place inside herself where she knows she is like a cat who always lands on her feet (her words).

    I’m totally not interested in cultivating anything about myself to be attractive to anyone else anymore.
    Bah!

    I feel some anger now…all those years of trying so hard, of being molded and groomed and brainwashed into believing I had to do or be something different in order to attract a man, and that being attractive to men is somehow the pinnacle of success, my job, where my value lies and that I was wrong or doing something wrong or something was wrong with me or I was worthless and useless if I wasn’t attractive (especially sexually) to men.

    Breathing
    Sighing
    Smiling

    So.
    There ya go.
    😀



  45.  #45bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    yeah, mel ! everything already is… just imagine my surprise… feeling unsupported in my Big Dreams… when all along, cd had the same dream that he’d been pursuing… even before he met me. feels so strange that somehow we didn’t “communicate” that…. when i blurted it out, i felt so sad. like, well this is the final straw & he’s going to dismiss this & i’ll never recover… & he told me, oh yeah, if you want to do that, here’s what i’ve been thinking. he even clarified, i asked you what your 5 year plan is. what i really am saying is i want to sit down with you & talk about a 5 year plan for us… oh cd. i don’t really understand how we found each other. it doesn’t “make sense” that without talking about it we would have the same… “final destination” in mind…. i feel so confused, but somehow it is very very good… because this is a dream where i would really really need a supportive partner – like someone going halfsies with me. gosh i feel surprised. & i told him about my ex in college…. who i never told my dreams to…. poor man. but he didn’t do what i pictured he might…. happens to be what cd does…. funny things….



  46.  #46Dominique on August 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    I too highly recommend this movie, loved it.

    xxoo



  47.  #47Calypso on August 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    JC just texted asking if I would have lunch with him on Friday. I said that sounded nice and that I might even miss him by then . . . lol He said, “I bet you have not even thought about me” and I repled, “Not one time . . . ”

    I like the way we play. It comforts my relationship fears ~



  48.  #48April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    The theme for Rori’s teleclass tonight is ‘Playing and Giving’.
    Can’t wait to hear about it.



  49.  #49Tam on August 27, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Oooh, wish I could see the teleclass 🙁



  50.  #50Belle on August 27, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    bloom-ing
    45
    I feel joy and bubbly gigglecried reading your post.
    Sounds so dreamy….
    how wonderful Wonder-Full! for you
    perfect perfect sweetness



  51.  #51FlowerChild77 on August 27, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    (((Mel))) I’ve had migraine problems since childhood. I know how miserable they can be. I feel for you 🙁



  52.  #52April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    EM came to see me today. At the place where I live with WM!

    It happened because EM wanted to see me and I was too frightened to say no or to go to his house (in the middle of nowhere).
    So, I asked him to come to my place.

    I had no fear. My terror of the two men meeting has gone. I told WM that EM was coming to play music at our place. He said “Brilliant. I’m glad you’re doing music again.”

    WM carried on with very important outdoor works, involving complicated structures of scaffolding and ladders, whilst EM and I sat inside for two hours playing guitars and singing.

    I looked at him, at his incredible face with its depth and its ‘dangerous’ expressions passing fleetingly.
    I thought “I love you. And I don’t think my inner Dad is going to let me marry you!!”

    I felt safe. I continued reassuring my little girl the way I was practicing on the blog last night. (Daria too).

    I told her “I love you. I am here with you and will keep you safe. I can see why you are fascinated with this man. And, you don’t have any obligation to give your life to him. Your life is yours, sweetheart.”

    And we sang….blues, stay away from me-e-e…..



  53.  #53Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    I feel angry

    and im continuing to feel angry

    and that is quite ok!

    i will hold myself this whole time while im feeling this powerful emotion

    whuff

    i feel full of heat

    and i feel sad

    and my forehead feels tight

    and im going to keep on being here for me

    hot anger hotting me up in my head and face

    and my heartachey under

    hot hot hot to heal my heart



  54.  #54Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    im here while my cheeks feel tight and my thoughts get blamy and i feel sad and powerless under and scared

    and while im coughing and feeling ‘miserable’ feeling this way

    hot and tight in my head



  55.  #55Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    im letting it radiate like a star and now it felt better and now again it feels tight and im letting it express



  56.  #56Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    i can chill and feel good while feeling angry!

    yawn



  57.  #57bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    daria, i feel so glad to see you. i’m going to email you a short email in a minute… : )



  58.  #58Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    im feeling better!



  59.  #59Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    blooming i feel so glad to see u too!

    i was jus thinking about you and how safe and heard i feel w u and supported and ‘got’ and honored



  60.  #60Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    A CD is texting and I feel almost nauseated that I responded. He immediately called and I didn’t pick up. I had one date with him and I felt too forced and pressured. I am not sure about this at all.



  61.  #61Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    April Rose i feel all like hey! 🙂 happy seeing my name in your post! thanks for thinking of me lovely zana



  62.  #62Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    blooming,

    17 – I feel that way about tomato soup! I had some for lunch with crackers, and it is such a nice comfort food!



  63.  #63Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    One thing I realized about R is no matter what I feel, he is really not ready for a serious relationship. He still has a lot to deal with in this mental illness thing. I think sometimes I try to discount it or pretend it’s not there. But it is.

    And I will just love and accept him thru it, no matter what.



  64.  #64Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Hi sirens. Tam thanks so much for sharing your fear of dentists! I felt less alone after that. I have a lovely understanding dentist so I promise myself I will call and make an appointment in the next two weeks.

    Tam I love what you are doing with mr p. I am in a similar frame of mind. Oh I’ve done it all wrong! I never had that conversation with Lionman. He was always the one who brought up relationship convos or marriage and children and because I was raised to be polite not ask for anything and be easily pleased I never wanted to put pressure on him imagining that we would just arrive there naturally in time. Instead what has happened is he has just taken me for granted at this point and is now keeping his options open as he thinks something better is out there.

    But I need to be prepared and would love some more script
    help. What always happens is this pattern where Lionman goes off and comes back. In the beginning he had to work hard to get my attention but in time the repeated distancing seemed like creating drama to me so I would counteract by continuing as normal so the bar got lower and lower and lower until now he distances and doesn’t have to do anything much at all to get me back. I’m not quite sure how to change this. He is coming back and I want to have a few boundaries in place so that I feel like I can take care of myself.

    I can say um I feel weird asking this but I’ve been clear that I can’t see you if you are seeing other women. Are you? If he says yes then I can say I can’t see you talk to you or do anything to help you that you are asking me to do. I think he asks me to help him as a way to keep me in his life at minimum effort.

    How on earth do I have a convo about marriage. It feels cringey to me and demanding and greedy? Or grasping? Not saying it is for anyone else just sharing how I feel. Like I have to seal that deal and I’m no good at closing 🙁

    I absolutely do not want to fall back into where we have been stuck for years with me as semi girlfriend with all his family and our friends saying why hasn’t he married you yet and him getting resentful and me feeling less than. Do I have to just date him until it comes up and then say no …. I just don’t feel in myself that my self esteem is high enough yet to be in that place of ‘your loss,’ attitude and I feel like he has all the options not me. He is a very handsome man and gets so much attention from other women. For years I didn’t care as I felt strong enough but this year it has really gotten to me, I lost my job that I loved and that did a number on my confidence too.

    Any advice appreciated. I did have a very pleasant afternoon today tho with two lovely men one of whom always makes me feel good to be round. I was practicing today not talking that much, not filing up silences, just smiling and that’s enough, appreciating their knowledge, and asking for help. Also noticing good actions and verbalizing how tht makes me feel good.



  65.  #65April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Daria,

    I really ‘got’ something last night. I felt a lovely, soft, click of “A-haaaaaa”.

    I felt you right beside me. I felt your strength, your kindness, your goddess spirit next to me. I felt ‘twinned.’

    🙂



  66.  #66turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    From the last thread…..

    Thanks LG,(I can’t wait to hear your news!) I do FEEL different. I keep thinking that even though he’s not “mine” this feels more real and rewarding than any relationship I’ve had in a really long time. I’m so happy to have someone to practice with and experiment, who is receptive and a much better communicator than I am… wow, he’s definitely in my life for a reason.

    Today, I felt a whole new feeling. He got mad FOR ME, and told me he hates people who act like assh01es, especially to people he cares about. (in regards to the way someone was talking to me) I thanked him for being mad for me, and he said that I do that for him too, and he appreciates it. I replied that I wonder why it’s easy to feel mad for someone else than for ourselves and he said it’s because they are protective feelings, and we feel we can fend for ourselves.

    I can’t tell you how long it’s been since I felt protected. From words! I know C would do just about anything I needed him to if I asked, but this is different. I replied that I’d forgotten what that felt like, and actually felt sort of stunned.

    I do need to take a few steps back though and create some space. I looked at the calendar, and I’ve seen him 13 out of the last 14 days. It’s too much. Let him miss me right, to trigger some possible emotions right?

    FW, thanks…I agree, no rats or roaches, lol. I really am doing the best I can, but Daria, you bring up a good point, that we can grow and do better. I’m sorry to make you feel dismissed… I was saying I stopped taking it personally and as an insult, because while I’m sure you have great parenting potential and plans, it really is a whole different thing when you raise kids from birth to 12. And I don’t mean that as an insult to you either, more like a gentle reminder to be surprised. One thing I’d share for you to consider, what you are learning as an adult with self parenting (which I feel is AWESOME) , is a good bit different than how a child learns, you can interpret, call on past experiences, research, learn, study and grow. Children don’t have all that available to them. They have free will, but do have to be taught how to be a productive human being, and what’s expected of them. I don’t want to debate if that is right or wrong, but being a parent is all about loving, teaching and caring for them becuase they can’t do it for themselves. At least I think so.



  67.  #67Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I felt surprised this CD contacted me, because it’s been about two months, and he already texted me once about a month ago, and I ignored him. I thought he would give up by now.

    In the continued texting, I let him know I wasn’t into his bait and switch type of dating. He says he will do one thing just to get his foot in the door. He said he would come help me with my phone calling back in the beginning of July. Then he offered me a massage. Then he comes in pushing for sex. He never did help me with phone calls or give me a massage.

    At first he played dumb but now he’s gone silent.

    Yeah, I didn’t think you really had a job for me, when you just offered for me to work in your business.



  68.  #68Tam on August 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Hi Darkhorse!! 🙂
    May I ask how the ‘distancing himself’ looks like? For how long does he go, when does he come back?
    Do you think he is seeing other women?



  69.  #69Heart on August 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    #52 April Rose – that sounds so beautiful.



  70.  #70Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Turquoise I am really enjoying reading your progress. And I love how there for you mr conversation is. To me my intuition is telling me that c is like a fractious child like he’s upset and angry and irritable and doesn’t know why but to me it seems tht he is regretting a missed opportunity with you. Of course I don’t know him so I am just surmising. And I don’t mean to be patronizing saying he is like a child just that sense of he’s mad at himself. I see this in Lionman a lot anger and irritability at himself with not a lot of insight so it comes out at those closest to him. I understand this may just be a projection on my part.



  71.  #71Heart on August 27, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    #35 – FW – wow…you’re right…



  72.  #72Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    ladies so today i went to visit aobut 8 monastaries and a cave where a woman lived 3o years

    and at ALL the monestaries there was a HUGE icon of Mary

    i mean ALL

    even when i got triggered esp at this particular one about covering up and it quoted stuff about ‘decency’ and i felt mad like GOD LOVES ME AND MY BODY AND JOY

    and i would go there and i TALKED to the goddess Mary

    and i would go to her and say I see you Goddess and they would say i see you too Goddess and we blessed each other
    a
    nd i would come out RADIANT and beamingly happy

    and in ALL the monestaries no matter what that icon was HUGE and prominent and

    ALL OF THE MIRACLE MAKING ICONS where of Mary

    shes the one who healed, brought rain, etc

    ALL that!!!

    it was Mary and Goddesses all along and i saw icons of the birth of mary

    and of mary and mary magdalene hugging each other too

    and at the last one the icon seemd SAD like her energy was ‘strange’ and i intended her healing and talked to her like part of me and eventually she got happy too!

    and later i found that in that monestary they do exorcisms and stuff and also some other not as nice things happend and my intuition was the people in charge there weren’t making the icon godddess happy

    and I did get her smiling and happy yay

    and i feel happpyyyyy

    i feel so powerful and honored that these goddesses talkk to me!

    wooh!

    and i put my head down on some holy bones and i felt my head all clear and lit and yum

    and i asked to understand how the bones stay without rotting to become saints and relics and one mary told me welll i felt some energy around my head and im sure it will come more clear to the understanding now



  73.  #73Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    so amazing that in what i found repressive the goddess is there all along making her miracles and being honored

    i mean she was huge, she was the important figure

    i feel so smily and blessed and loved

    at some places some of the icons were so happy that i would actually heal THEM and offer Them Goodword blessing

    to talk to a goddess they were happy and it was like being with friends

    🙂



  74.  #74April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Thanks Heart,

    I feel so cuddly of myself at the moment.
    I’ve been feeling so at ease since I discovered I could create an inner Mum and Dad who look after me, keep me fed and safe, and give me advice about the men in my life!

    How’s your feeling state at the mo’?



  75.  #75Tam on August 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Darkhorse, it feels good to hear your suppore because at times i feel like a little looney to think I can state my ‘needs’ to a man who does not even seem to commit in a normal relationship.

    I have NEVER had the talk about relationship with anyone, I have always waited for the men to bring it up. I have never stated my needs. In fact, when he said he wanted a ‘quasi – relationship’ I just laughed. CRINGE. Inside I wa like ‘aaaaaargh, what does this mean?’ – did I say anything? NO.
    Then he did say ‘I would marry you’ and what did I say?
    Wait for it: ‘I wouldn’t do that to you because I know you have other priorities blah blah blah’.
    No wonder things turned out the way they did.
    Two rabbits in headlights.

    I have no clue how to approach conversations like this. I will have to work on that too.

    I feel curious about your situation with lionman.

    I just read a book where it says that it’s the way men’s brains work which makes them distance themselves from us sometimes. I certainly never had the feeling that the men see anything wrong with that. I do think they have a different timeline also, like when they do not call for a couple of days it feels like weeks for us, and for them maybe it feels like hours? That is the impression I am getting.

    Does Lionman never bring up the relationship topic?
    I mean, if even MrP brings it up (which is a thing that normally would only happen when hell freezes over, i e never), I am surprised that it never comes up for you. I still wouldn’t start a convo, but I would grab the opportunity in a moment when he brings something up…to state my needs without pressure and without making it about him. Hm



  76.  #76bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    dark horse,

    “I can say um I feel weird asking this but I’ve been clear that I can’t see you if you are seeing other women. Are you? If he says yes then I can say I can’t see you talk to you or do anything to help you that you are asking me to do. I think he asks me to help him as a way to keep me in his life at minimum effort.”

    the “are you?” sounds like a “gotcha” question to me kind of… like, if i were him, i would feel squirmy just being asked that, even Especially! if i weren’t seeing other women….. hm.

    i might just say, “i’m feeling a bit weird being asked to help you, like a partner, because i feel sad & unsure if you are seeing other women……” & just give him space to say something or express himself…. “i feel attached & attracted to you & it feels like beating my poor little steadfast heart to help you & feel “there for” you if i’m unsure whether i’m the woman you’re pursuing….” ……. & then maybe i’d say, “thank you for listening to me. i feel strongly that i need a man who will be all-mine or me-first…. i’m just an emotional girl, i suppose”

    “How on earth do I have a convo about marriage. It feels cringey to me and demanding and greedy? Or grasping? Not saying it is for anyone else just sharing how I feel. Like I have to seal that deal and I’m no good at closing :(”

    this has come up a few times on the blog…. i know ladies have different ideas about how/when this is appropriate……… you’re not demanding anything though ! right ? when i say these things, i’m just Speaking My Truth…. like “oh, actually, i’d feel bad if someone i were sleeping with went on dates with other women” ….. “actually, i don’t want to live with someone i’m just dating” …… “actually, i don’t feel comfortable committing to an exclusive relationship unless i feel it’s moving toward marriage”…………. even “actually, i don’t want to date someone for years & years & still be wondering if they’re going to come home to me. i want to feel like i have a Family, rooted together like trees in a forest…” i think you can say whatever you want without being demanding or anything, because you’re just saying what your little heart is wanting



  77.  #77Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Daria,

    72-73 – Interesting! I feel curious…is this in CA?



  78.  #78Daria on August 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Darkhorse – (((hugs))) You’re so aware and i say your self esteem is high enough now to date

    I would end phone convos around 10 min, oh i gotta start doing some stuff, it felt fun to talk to you!

    if he hasnt’ asked me out on a date in the convo

    if he asks me out… yay practice in totally lean back then way im practicing with other men!

    i know you can do this!



  79.  #79Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Radlove I love how your day started! I feel excited for you it would be great for you to get some work for the next few months. Is the work nearby?

    What you said about r being there for ou and forgiving it resonated so much for me. Lionman has been judged a lot by people over the years. I have dated some lovely guys who were outwardly successful and searching for meaning in their lives but not o e of them has come remotely close to being there for me or willing to do anything like what Lionman has done for me. He has stuck around long enough for me to really work some stuff out about myself. I guess that means I trusted him enough to let him see that much of me. I never let any other man go there if that makes sense.

    Is r on disability? If your relationship were to grow towards romance have you thought about what lifestyle you would have. Would you be the breadwinner? I ask only because I imagine r’s challenges are very real and therefore it means your stability emotionally and financially would be of paramount importance. Not that they aren’t anyway I just believe tht if one partner is emotionally unstable (forgive me if I am wrong about this interpretation of schizophrenia) the other partner has to work harder at maintaining theirs.

    I have some experience in this area. I use meditation, yoga, hiking and a 12step program to maintain my balance when Lionman goes through difficult emotional times. For myself of course but it benefits him too.

    Have you seen a beautiful mind.



  80.  #80bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    daria, i feel moved reading about the energy of the holy sites & your interaction with the goddesses….. thank you for sharing!!



  81.  #81Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Diesel just emailed me, calling me the wrong name. So I called him the wrong name and told him I wasn’t Belinda!



  82.  #82April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    me too. sounds like a beautiful way to spend a day……with goddesses……..mmmmm



  83.  #83turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Thank you dark horse! Are you new here, or just a new name?

    C has a bad temper, very emotional… and you are right, not just me, but those closest to him.

    He did miss out on an opportunity for us to try again, I offered, he turned me down becuase of too much stuff in the past. That finally, after years and years was enough for me, to keep moving forward and be open to what else may come. 1 month later, I started talking to Mr. Conversation. If you are new, you may not have read this…. but he looks SO much like my vision board guy (it’s a picture of a tall, dark haired man with his arms wide to the ocean wearing kaki shorts) Mr. C looks just like that, was in the navy and wants to retire on a yacht. I’m not saying it’s him… but it resembles him enough for me to feel like I really can have what I want and what I ask for.

    BUT, he’s going through a lot. Not ready to jump into anything big… he’s still very hurt over his divorce and I don’t want to be a rebound. So, while I love spending all this time with him… he needs time and space to figure out what he wants, and I need to not get all wrapped up in one guy who can’t give me a relationship. He always says, I can’t be what you want right now, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want what you want in the future. It doesn’t feel like stringing along… it feels good to hear.



  84.  #84April Rose on August 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    This afternoon, EM asked me to play a song on my own. I felt surprised, and I started to strum on my guitar. He stood up from where he was sitting opposite me and walked towards me.

    He stood behind me, put his strong sexy hands on my shoulders, and kissed my neck.
    I shivered, melted, smiled. I felt dreamy and loved.

    My brain questioned quietly in my skull “are you having a murder fantasy now?”
    I asked my thoughts to please be quiet, and I melted into the kisses.



  85.  #85Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Daria love what you are saying about mary! She is the goddess, healer yes! Have you seen or read book movie the mists of Avalon? Awesome awesome book movie not so much but still worth watching.

    Thank you for the hugs! I feel all chuffed and like heeeeeyyyyyyy! Daria thinks my self esteem is not tht bad! And she thinks I am self aware! Hey maybe all is not lost! I fel seen and validated and good!



  86.  #86Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Blooming thank you so much I think our stylee may be similar I love how you frame things like its ttractive who wouldn’t San to be like a family of trees all rooted together … Thank you for scripts I will definitely be cutting and pasting and using them thank you xo ps I love drinking broth at my desk in all my jobs the people I work with bring me little snaks and treats they know I like to nibble 🙂 and think



  87.  #87Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Turquoise I have been lurking for years so I know your story with c and I remember you offered and he said no and you cried yourself to sleep one night (((((turquoise)))))

    I feel glad you were open and offering tho it was all said and I think he is regretting it now but it’s a little sad too x



  88.  #88Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Dark horse,

    79 – Thank you! The position is 1 hr 20 min away. But it is near where R lives, and they would pay for me to stay at a hotel thru the week to be near the job. I am applying for another local job, but it isn’t as high paying. I really need to start working immediately. So I am going for it anyway.

    You said, “What you said about r being there for ou and forgiving it resonated so much for me…He has stuck around long enough for me to really work some stuff out about myself. I guess that means I trusted him enough to let him see that much of me. I never let any other man go there if that makes sense.”

    Yes, I feel exactly the same way about R. It is yet another reason why I love him so much. He shows by all that acceptance that he genuinely cares about me and my wellbeing. And the other night we were getting into a really personal topic. I expressed feeling weird. I liked it when he said if it hurts, then stop. He relates to me in a far healthier way than he did 3 years ago! I am falling more and more deeply in love with him!

    You asked, “Is r on disability? If your relationship were to grow towards romance have you thought about what lifestyle you would have. Would you be the breadwinner?”

    Yes, he is, and yes, I’ve thought about it. I have concluded exactly what you said, that I need to be extra stable, emotionally and financially. Thus all that I am doing right now, both working hard on Rori’s blog and with her programs to be all I can be, healed and whole. And to get a solid job and be able to maintain it.

    It is also why I am somewhat willing to drive the $20 of gas out of my car to go to him and to pay for some of our dates. I don’t prefer it this way, but if I had to choose a wealthy man with a big house or R with all his issues and lack of income, I’d choose R in a heartbeat! 🙂 I feel really appreciative of Rori, too, that she recognizes that a romance with a man who isn’t rich has value, too, and she is just super in recognizing what is really important in life!

    You said, “…emotionally unstable (forgive me if I am wrong about this interpretation of schizophrenia)…:

    No problem, quite accurate.

    You said, “I have some experience in this area. I use meditation, yoga, hiking and a 12step program to maintain my balance”

    Nice!

    You asked, “Have you seen a beautiful mind.”

    Yes, I found it interesting, but I didn’t relate it hardly at all with R. And I think it is oversimplified. This isn’t just a bunch of hallucinations and self-aggrandizement. It is far deeper and more seriously detrimental to an individual than that. I’ve done a lot of studying on schizophrenia since 2009. The one I found the most meaningful and helpful in relation to dealing with R is http://www.schizophreniadefeated.com.



  89.  #89bloom-ing on August 27, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    radlove, belinda is a pretty name too : )



  90.  #90Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Tam hi sounds like we have similar feelings! I’m from Europe too so this American thing well I thought of it as American this commitment thing is weird for me. I ad one American boyfriend a long time ago told me he loved about me that I was the only girl who hadn’t tried to negotiate a commitment from him!

    I see it differently now.

    Lionman disappears for a few days but we had a lot of fights earlier this year and then he would disappear for weeks and I know he was seeing other women. He has a lot of opportunity and although I hate o say this has a bit of a player thing going on in a clueless way if tat makes any sense. Ie not a deliberate player more jut a clueless one.

    Tam I spent a lot of time in Germany and have a lot of friends there and used to speak ok German! Now I’ve forgotten a lot.



  91.  #91Daria on August 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    this was in Romania



  92.  #92Daria on August 27, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    oops ive triggered myself by saying that

    i now feel scared

    im here for me!



  93.  #93Tam on August 27, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    90..this is interesting dark horse, so where are you now?
    If he disappears and you believe he is or might be seeing other women then I would bring it up sooner rather than later.
    Well, that’s not very leaning back is it?
    How does he see your relationship?
    I feel really curious.
    A clueless player..hmmm.
    But does he make you feel like you are the only one?
    Because I had thought for a long time MrP was a player but he is not at all, he talks about other women all the time but when it comes down to it – I never saw him flirt with any, he’s always just talking to men. I know he has dates for coffee and dinner but he told me they never went any further…..and he didn’t tell me because I asked him (I never ask because I don’t want to know).
    In fact, the usual greeting I get when we meet back in Fl is:
    ‘Hi, how are you, you look great, and btw I did not sleep with anybody except you (for the past 3/6 or whatever months)’. This always struck me as odd…but I actually believed him. And he hands me his phone when it rings, as a joke and there was never a woman on it…lots of other evidence…I have been through his whole house upside down when we cleared it – nothing female in there except my stuff…and the guy who lives in his annexe said to me that he never saw another woman in the house.
    However, I am sure that if he got given the opportunity, he would be dating and sleeping with women..it just isn’t his priority…but he could pick up someone within 5 minutes.
    So I always used to think he was seeing women when he was gardening or fishing or fixing something.
    So nowadays I am not as quick to jump to conclusions although I am well aware that he might be seeing someone right now, while I type this.
    I wonder whether it might be similar with lionman…he might just be doing ‘his stuff’ when he is away.
    Has there been talk of moving together?
    Hm.
    Where in Germany were you?
    I feel super curious!!



  94.  #94Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    blooming,

    89 – Yes, it is! He wrote back laughing and said he got a kick out of my comeback, calling him by another name, LOL.

    91 – Daria, cool, glad you are doing some traveling!



  95.  #95Heart on August 27, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    #74 – April Rose – I’m feeling a little heavy thinking about certain tasks. Also I’m feeling conflicted about the CuddleyGrinch situation. I don’t know if I want to go out with him again or not….



  96.  #96Daria on August 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    this got me i get it

    “Happiness is the vehicle we travel in, not our destination.”

    im on my way to heaven



  97.  #97Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    I don’t know.



  98.  #98Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Daria,

    96 – Ooh, I like that!



  99.  #99Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    I want a meaningful job. Pharmaceutical technical writing is where my experience is, but it is not what I was born for. It is far from my P.O.P.

    I want to write a book and help people. Maybe schizophrenics.



  100.  #100Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Thank you for the hug Dark Horse. That feels wonderful! ((((dark horse))))

    Radlove, how about writing an ebook on how to be in a relationship with a schitzophrenic? You could sell it online, reach a lot of people…. and have continuous income coming in. What I’ve learned about ebook sales though, is people have to have a way to find you, so it can take a lot of work. But, if it’s your life’s purpose, and you could work from home… wouldn’t that be wonderful?

    🙂



  101.  #101Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Tam the last time I was there I was in Berlin for a short while. I had a funny experience there. I had really liked this guy from there and we made a plan to meet and go out. Although I am shy this was ore rori so I was definitely in making that date happen mode. Well I got there and he never called and I felt so sad and disappointed. Last night of my trip I went out to dinner with some friends and who was sitting at a table in the resteraunt? It was so strange! Berlin is a big place! We both laughed about it afterwards! When I didn’t care anymore!

    Tam I also have said oh I wouldn’t do that to you as in deliberately get pregnant. I think he wanted me to but didn’t want the responsibility of the decision and me good girl that I am decided to take care of him and protect him. I’m not saying that was a wrong instinct just it might have been better to say oh it would feel good to be pregnant by you.

    We are not together now. He doesnt bring up the relationship because we only just started speaking again recently. I never contact him. Right now I was just focused on reconnecting -there was a lot of anger there on his part towards me and I couldn’t understand why he was so angry.



  102.  #102Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    Turquoise I think that’s a great idea for Radlove! Radlove you have so much experience in this area! And you could have a blog maybe r if he was willing could offer his input and you could both talk about how you helped each other. It seems like from what you are saying for r having any sort of friendship that goes the distance is hard for him so you are showing its possible. you could have practical advice and a blog like this where people come for support or the latest news on treatment etc.



  103.  #103Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Part of my leaning back is leaving my cell phone on the charger, I’ll be able to hear it if it rings, but won’t be looking at it all night, and staying off Facebook. I just want to be present in my home, get my mind off him and our situation. It’s just not going to drastically change anytime soon, and I don’t want to keep slipping into having the talk, which funny enough he has started several times. When we spend a lot of time together, it comes up. He is very concerned that he doesn’t want to live with someone anytime soon, and sort of seems to be warning me of that. I finally said the other day, that I’m not looking for or expecting that. I have kids and pets, not even planning to be sleeping over at someone’s I’m dating on a regular basis. He said that is what always happens though, you start dating, and then are together constantly. He seems most concerned about waking up with someone, having all this work to do and having to be worried about the woman. His wife didn’t work for most of their marriage. I don’t want to get into explaining, but I shared with him… that if I ever was in that situation that I’m not a lay in bed all day kind of person. His answer was to say, ok, why don’t you live with me for a week and we’ll see what happens. I wanted to be like… um, hello… we aren’t even a couple lol??? but instead I shared that I have kids to get off to school, pets to take care of…. and we aren’t there. I wish I had asked him why he said that. I don’t believe he really wants to live together, it would be more like a test to prove that we shouldn’t.

    I don’t wnat to try and get in his mind and overthink anything. I do think he says most of what he thinks, whether it’s something he would really want or not.



  104.  #104Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Or maybe not ever live with someone again, not just soon…



  105.  #105Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Turquoise I honestly feel triggered a bit by your comments. It kinda came across as if you would allow him to test drive you. I would just make up my mind what I want and just share that and leave it. Let him ponder if he wants to give you want you want.



  106.  #106Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Daria one of te tools that I love is your tool I think the thank you Daria tool ..

    Thank you darkhorse for feeding me
    Thank you darkhorse for getting us to bed early
    Thank you darkhorse for being quiet with the man today when he was all angry and I was feeling all anxious in my tummy and wanting to make light conversation and distract him from his angry feelings
    Thank you darkhorse for being quiet and smiling with the other man and letting him do something nice for me and tell me he is looking out for me financially
    Thank you darkhorse for being brave and posting on this blog so these lovely sirens can help us so we can be close to men and not be scared of anger and bad moods and lashing out and blaming and cutting off



  107.  #107Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Turquoise and Dark horse,

    100 and 102 – What a terrific idea! Thank you both! I doubt R would be thrilled about it, but I would HAVE to run it by him before I did it. As it is, I feel really guilty about all I have divulged about him on this blog. He is a VERY private person.

    In fact, I fear if he ever found me on the blog, he might end our friendship.

    But I have considered in the back of my mind writing our story, and turning it into a book. Again, only with his permission, which I doubt I’d get. But it is forefront on my mind, and it is well documented already. So much of the actual writing is already done..

    BTW, it is also one reason I kept extensive journals in 2009, in case I ever wrote a book. Writing a book has been a life goal for a long time.

    I deeply appreciate your input and ideas, and I’m going to give it some serious thought, because I feel passionate about helping schizophrenics find healing, and I feel passionate about R, who I have started thinking of as my spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!



  108.  #108Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    I feel really excited, and I am piggy backing off your brainstorming. It could ultimately be how to be a support to schizophrenics for getting free. What to say, not to say, not putting pressure on them, and then have a section for schizophrenics, to help them directly. It is a really serious condition. I feel adrenaline shooting out. This is something I could really put my heart into. I would want to partner with other people, too, who help schizophrenics.

    Together
    Each
    Achieves
    More



  109.  #109Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    All afternoon, I’ve been trying to think creatively about reinventing myself, reminding myself that I don’t have to be and do my past, that I can be and do whoever and whatever I choose.



  110.  #110Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    You know how Rori says to shift your vibe, do things differently, etc? That’s what I’m doing. Just reformatting my house, my mind, my body, my everything. And it all ties together, all of what I read on the blog, write on the blog, think about, etc. I tie it all together in my mind.

    One of my many thoughts was about our conversation about child care. When I worked at the Devereux Foundation with mentally handicapped kids, the philosophy of treatment were summed up as follows:

    1. Encourage positive human interactions

    2. Encourage each child to develop to his/her fullest potential.

    So I was thinking about that in terms of myself today, thinking what would I do that would most fully utilize my potential? This is where my thoughts are…



  111.  #111FlowerChild77 on August 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    You sound great, Radlove! It’s so good to read that you’re happy and feeling excited about your life <3



  112.  #112Daria on August 27, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Radlove – “spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!”

    this comes off as him being the feminine partner… I felt EWW!

    triggered with myself… ‘gross’

    really turned me off though!

    hmmm

    i know i used to call this one guy, who was really into me and probably would have married me… my ‘princess’ . he really didn;t like it. somehow i got a masculine thrill out of it or something… it felt sooo gratifying to ‘tease’ taht way

    i wonder if it was my fear of intimacy – hah!

    yeah

    i felt thrilled like im powerful and can’t be gotten close to

    it feels sad to think about it now

    well I just wanted to point that out, in case it helps… if not feel free to ignore

    if i wanted to be the feminine energy, i would really scrupulously avoid that kinda language and take that energy on me

    im a princess i love to be spoiled. he loves to spoil me, im his little princess

    i would like to feel this way with my dad, actually



  113.  #113Vi on August 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Daria’s “im here for me!” feels so safe and comforting! That’s exactly what my baby-me wanted… I even didn’t know how scared and triggered I felt by an article I’ve just read until I came across these words… “I’m here for me” feels soothing and good.. I feel excited ‘to borrow’ it. Thanks 🙂



  114.  #114Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    FW, I feel curious about your test drive comment… can you expand on that? I didn’t get much sleep last night and my mnd is not fully computing.

    I’m not doing anything with him that I don’t want to though, so if that is the worry, it’s ok. I didn’t take his live with me for a week comment seriously. Like I said, whatever comes to mind seems to come out his mouth. 😉



  115.  #115Daria on August 27, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    i feel concerned that taking that attitude towards him would next lead to heartache as he gets turned off



  116.  #116Daria on August 27, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    i feel loved ladies, i feel glad my practice has inspired you Goddesses



  117.  #117Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Sounds like you are on the right track Radlove! It’s what we get excited about that usually succeeds ie where our passion is.

    I can understand that r is deeply private. You could present it in time as a way for his struggle and pain (and yours) to be of help to others so that together you are good for the world …. You could also have a section on nutrition and one on exercise and you and he could start trying different things out to see what helps. Then you could get sponsored for these things …. I don’t know like testing sleep machines to help his sleep issues, like those white noise machines. Or like learning meditation together and road testing that too.

    Oh the possibilities are endless!



  118.  #118Belle on August 27, 2012 at 5:01 pm

    Radlove – “spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!”

    this comes off as him being the feminine partner… I felt EWW!

    triggered with myself… ‘gross’

    really turned me off though!<<<

    I felt repulsed and grossed out too, for different reasons. I've heard people talk to their dogs like that, and it sounds like mothering talk to me. It doesn't sound like something I would imagine being said about an adult man. Parents or grandparents spoil their little ones, but a grownup man?
    *shiver*
    Gives me the heebie jeebies.



  119.  #119Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Radlove, I wonder if the age difference makes you want to mother him. The spoiled little prince made me think of a child or dog as well. 🙁



  120.  #120Daria on August 27, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    i feel sad

    i forgot to ask myself to express in a way that could be heard

    what would that sound like

    a whole lot more of feelings and less Directness and Instruction

    but directness and instruction is FAST and efficient and gets information across efficiently to someone concentrating on a task who doesnt want a lot of distraction

    hmm

    its a masculine way of interacting with a masculine partner

    wow cool



  121.  #121Belle on August 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    spoiled + “little prince”

    curious
    when I read “little prince” I think of..
    people’s dogs and
    chubby little boys wearing knickers and tights with big red cheeks and buckled black patent shoes.

    okay
    had enough triggers for the day, thanks!
    off the interweb for the night
    xoxoxoxox



  122.  #122Daria on August 27, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    a feminine way would be

    mmm i feel so tired and i feel worried and unsure how to express this

    and the truth is – i feel kinda icky readint that ‘spoiled prince stuff’

    i feel worried its a turn off for a guy and i feel triggered remembering times i took a similar attitude towards a man… erggh 🙁

    not something i want to do again…

    itd feel so feminine to talk about how im a princess now and how i enjoy being spoiled by my man instead

    without making him the ‘object of cherish’ even in return

    ouch my chest feels tight



  123.  #123Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Turquoise it was the live with me for a week comment. He might be a good man but that doesn’t mean he won’t be a boundary pusher and just want to do the minimum to keep you in his life. Why make the comment about living with him for a week when he keeps reinforcing that he does not want to jump into anything right away? Seems convenient and contradicting to me.

    I believe I would take him seriously and let him know I would possibly live with someone if the relationship was headed __________(whereever I want it to go). That for me would be authentic and vulnerable. Also I am thinking he might be unconsciously fishing for information. Maybe he is not seeing any other man around so he might also be feeling pressure from himself.



  124.  #124Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    FW I’m curious about this statement ‘not seeing any other man around so feeling pressure from himself’ ….. If so I have totally messed up over the years I have been sure to let Lionman know that every single man friend I have is a friend and nothing more, I did that because he used to e so jealous and insecure in the beginning tht I wanted to reassure him. Guess what ended up happening … He is now surrounded by women I’m insecure and constantly wondering about the or rather in fact removing myself from th relationship as I won’t engage in competition for his time attention etc. thre I a lesson in there somewhere not sure what …



  125.  #125Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Question so the suggestions I was making to Radlove there about the blog etc is that masculine energy? Because I do that a lot with Lionman ie coming up with ideas for him and his business ugh that feels yucky now



  126.  #126Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    FW, the conversation we were having wasn’t coming from a good place for him. He was having more of a poor me moment, that his life should be further ahead than it is and that he’s damaged from his terrible marriage. It felt really surprising actually, like out of no where that he said that. EXCEPT that when C was being a jerk, he said I could go stay with him if I needed to. (as in if C refused to leave, which didn’t happen) If it comes up again I would express that I am NOT looking for that right now. I’d have to feel extremely committed to a person to even consider living with them. It wouldn’t be a light decision for me. I thought I had shared that, but maybe he doesn’t believe me, as in all women really want that kind of thought. I’ve told him I’d want to be married or planning to get married to live with someone. So much of what I do, is because of my kids, even what I don’t do is because of them. It just threw me because it was out of the blue.

    As far as doing the bare minimum to have me in his life, I don’t feel that at all. I see him almost daily, he texts regularly, calls me and we talk often, even though he says he hates it. He is super great to my kids, does favors for me, listens, and is very present in my life.

    At first I thought, how hard could it be for him to get over a bad marriage, she was terrible to him…. but it is. He isn’t just saying he’s not ready, I see that he’s not. I’ve seen him with tears in his eyes, angry and want to punish her, and they have a 1 year old baby together that he feels extremely guilty they won’t be raising together. Even if he told me right now he loved me and wanted us to go for it, I’d have reservations and would feel it was a mistake, right now. But maybe in 6 months… who knows.

    So, I really do need to CD, to not wait for him or put pressure and expectations, and who knows… maybe my Mr. Right is still out there, waiting for me to heal, totally get over C and be available to find me. And maybe it’s Mr. C and this will grow in time.



  127.  #127Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Daria,

    112 – I seriously would like to talk to you about this further. It got really deep the other night about who spoils who. When the subject came up, he asked me how I would spoil a man?

    I said I only divulge that to a man who spoils me first. It led into a huge, long discussion that felt really confusing. Could we skype about it sometime? (not now)



  128.  #128Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Does a real man want to be spoiled?



  129.  #129Dark horse on August 27, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    I feel that spoiling a man is emasculating. I feel that he feels good by having the power or means to spoil me that does not mean necessarily spending money it could mean indulging me a bit or telling me I am a princess in an nice teasing way.



  130.  #130GingerSky on August 27, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    Hello, Sirenland 🙂 I`ve moved back into town, and can now walk to a wifi location so can post soon. Missed you all & hope to shortly be back in the swing of commenting on blogs here once in awhile… much Sireny transformations for me here! It`s been good to fold inside myself a bit (and was eeing groundhogs close & personal, fo those into animal totems), though have been also very busy & indidated with people too. Love to all!



  131.  #131Femininewoman on August 27, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    Welcome back Gingersky



  132.  #132Emoticon on August 27, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    where can i see it?



  133.  #133Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    Hi Gingersky… looking forward to your posts! 🙂



  134.  #134Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    It’s raining here… steadily, not TOO heavy. I really would like a man to show up at my doorstep, pull me out into the rain and kiss me. That would feel passionate, sensual and deep.

    I want that universe… please send. Thank you!



  135.  #135luzydel on August 27, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    What is “the talk” with a man? I’ve never had that…

    I never had ask a man about marriage, or his intentions about it… Then I wonder if “D’s” lets take it slow approach is a way for him to be able to give less and still “keep” me around… Oh well I don’t know if I want commitment anymore, I am kinda back and forth about it. I don’t know if I can be with the same man for the rest of my life…

    I do dream of a wedding, but I admit it is because of the symbolism, than because of the commitment. Once I saw D not putting hand towel where it belongs I started to panic inside, what if he is too much to handle? What if the other guys are too selfish? Ugh! I don’t know what I want, Do I want multiple partners, with no commitment? or Do I want just one man? Maybe I have not met the man who can fulfill all the aspects of my “ideal” man, Sexually, emotionally and intellectually… so I am just here finding pieces of that in the people I CD… I don’t want to settle!



  136.  #136luzydel on August 27, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Ugh! a man send me an email at POF and yuck! he looks dirty and unkept, I am feeling judgmental and conceited… I like a man who’s clean cut and smells good… I feel turned off…



  137.  #137sunshine on August 27, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    I feel so frustrated just now looked at my email about a teleclass Rori gave tonight! how fun booo I wish I wouldve checked my email sooner:(



  138.  #138Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Daria,

    112 – In Rori’s teleclass:

    R: How would you spoil a man?

    Rori’s suggestions:

    How would you like to be spoiled?

    It would feel great to spoil you any way you would like!



  139.  #139Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Sunshine,

    137 – It was a good one! Thankfully, we can still hear the recording!



  140.  #140Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Dark horse,

    125 – “Question so the suggestions I was making to Radlove there about the blog etc is that masculine energy? Because I do that a lot with Lionman ie coming up with ideas for him and his business ugh that feels yucky now”

    I really welcomed it, I can tell you that much! It is somwhat masculine energy. I am guessing that Rori would suggest saying it something like this:

    “If I were doing that, I would do it this way…”



  141.  #141Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Turquoise,

    119 – What do you think about Rori’s suggestion for handling R’s question about how I would spoil a man?

    I sent her a follow up question after she answered it, but she was already a half hour overtime so she didn’t get to it. I asked her “No need to say anything about wanting to be spoiled by a man first? I felt like it was negotiation, needing a feminine vibe somehow. So I asked him how he would spoil a woman. Felt confused.”

    It is an issue to me that R seems so interested in having a woman spoil him. But when we got into the discussion, he went on and on about asking me how I would like to be spoiled. All of it is too personal to lay out here.

    But I felt surprised by Rori’s response.



  142.  #142Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Dark horse,

    117 – More terrific suggestions! I especially like the idea of presenting it to him as a way we could help others. Because even tho he feels shut up inside, like a prison, his heart is also to help others.



  143.  #143Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    FC,

    111 – Thank you!



  144.  #144Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Belle,

    I just finished Rori’s teleclass, and she talked about in a relationship, they are there to meet each other’s needs.

    That’s less triggering to you?



  145.  #145Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    Belle,

    My notes from Rori about needs, in the context of resolving a conflict:

    “Conflict: should I call? Give him time to get over it. Couple weeks. What were you doing? Because it is just going to happen again. If tell him he is a jerk, he will shut down. Learn how to use his language. Conflict is really unnecessary. Different needs. Everyone is about making sure the other’s needs get met.

    How can we both get our needs met in this? Learn how to talk to a man in a different way. “



  146.  #146Laughing Goddess on August 27, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Radlove 138

    Wow! Nice turnaround on Rori’s part. She never ceases to amaze me.



  147.  #147Turquoise on August 27, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Radlove, I like her response to ask how he’d like to be spoiled. Sometimes our ideas or visions of something are totally different than there’s. Where we may think spoiling in terms of spending money and presents, he may feel that cooking him a special meal or offering to do something he hates, like grocery shopping is spoiling. I feel it’s very important to make someone you love feel special and appreciated. Of course, everything in balance…



  148.  #148Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    LG and Turquoise,

    I appreciate your responses! Yes, I agree. Spoiling can take a lot of shapes. In the case of R and me the other night, it became a discussion of foreplay, during play, and after play, and it was beautiful and vital. But it felt like relationship negotiating, so it felt confusing in the face of him saying just friendship.



  149.  #149Vi on August 27, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Today I experimented babytalking to myself. Usually it’s only “me” who talks, expressing love to “her”, i.e. my little self. And today I asked for a feed back! First she didn’t even want to talk to me and felt defensive, and then said she doesn’t want me to love her. I felt sad to hear that and even mad and I said her how I felt and that I don’t want to fight with her. She was silent for a while and then said that okay I could love her a little. But just a little bit to begin with, as she doesn’t want to feel too stressed because she is not used to be treated this way. I promised that to her and we agreed that today I won’t wash my head till the evening 🙂 but feed her a green apple and then I thanked her. Sigh. She still felt prickly and a little resentful and didn’t reply.

    It felt good to know that there is a part of me that feels scared of my own love and it felt good to be aware of this part and honor this part of me. But all this talk between “me” and “me” feels soooo weird though. I feel uncomfortable and a little judgemental of myself. It’s okay though. (((((((((Vi)))))))))



  150.  #150Vi on August 27, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I feel embarrassed to share that but at the same time it feels like releasing it and letting it go… thank you.



  151.  #151Vi on August 27, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Oh wow… I feel afraid ‘to spoil’ me …. *saucer eyes*



  152.  #152Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Hello gingersky!!!!
    Nice to “see” you 🙂



  153.  #153Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Vi,

    That is beautiful!

    I started to have major breakthrough after I started doing something like that I read in a book. It said go to the mirror and say to yourself, “I love you and accept you, exactly the way you are.”

    I cried the first few times and couldn’t do it. Now I do it fluently. It feels good.



  154.  #154Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    Wow, I want to share my dialogue with R about spoiling each other, because I think it really is central to a relationship. But I feel way vulnerable, and it would hurt if I got comments that left me feeling misunderstood. So I”m not going to.

    But I will just say that R is all about pleasing a woman, at least verbally. I just feel confused all in all. Because often his actions don’t feel aligned with his words, in many senses.

    I think in this case, his point is he would treat his woman like a goddess or like the Queen of Sheba. But he is not calling ME his woman. So he is not treating me like that. Again, I feel confused. Because our discussion the other night felt like a negotiation of our relationship.



  155.  #155Heart on August 27, 2012 at 9:48 pm

    Radlove – I feel a little confused by your relationship with R.
    It sounds like an Imaginary Relationship.
    Why are u so interested in this man?
    And how long has this been going on?



  156.  #156Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    Negotiation about a relationship feels “off” and It feel draining reading it



  157.  #157Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Radlove thanks for sharing about looking in the mirror and saying I love you I’m going to try that !!!

    Hmm It sounds like you are laser focusing on R and I know it’s hard to CD (for me it’s been a challenge) but one way I found that helps is that I have a really good male friend who is platonic that I hang out with a lot these days!! I really like it and I practice fm with him. He helps me all the time. 🙂



  158.  #158Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    122 Daria I like this scripting



  159.  #159Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Textcd has poofed

    New potential cd who likes me comes from a very very wealthy family. He does not have a name yet. He has not made a move yet. I don’t have any idea how I feel about it except I feel a lil scared.

    Wow I’m realizing how scared I am if i get married i may not to have my own safe space like my own lil apartment with just my stuff in it.



  160.  #160Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    Ohh I miss having my own place now ….I don’t know if I will ever get it out of my system..wanting that space and solitude



  161.  #161Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    I feel tired nite nite



  162.  #162Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Heart,

    155 – I feel confused about my relationship with R, too. Confusion has felt at the center of it for 3.5 years now. And it is what brought me to Rori, and it is why I talk about him so much…trying to clear up the confusion.

    The reasons I feel so interested in him:

    I love the way his primary subject matter is about God, romance, sex, etc. Those are my topics of highest interest, too. And I feel so comfortable the way he goes back and forth with two-way conversation. Really, it is about his intelligence and personality. I feel fascinated and challenged at every turn! 🙂

    I see him as head and shoulders above all other men. He is the strongest man I know. I admire his looks, his emotional intelligence, his grasp on psychology, his deep faith in God, his persistence, his insight to see the heart of me, beyond my shortcomings. I think he’s super! And all that in the midst of a perfect storm inside. 🙁

    He is a one in a million amazing man with high level potential to bring healing on earth. He is the most wonderful man on earth. He is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, inside and out. He’s been tried in the fire and come forth as pure gold. His sensitive, tender heart is what I love most about him.



  163.  #163Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Emerson,

    156 – I wonder why? Rori talks a lot about negotiating a relationship. She said tonight that if a couple can’t talk about really tough topics, then how can they have intimacy?



  164.  #164Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    Emerson,

    157 – You’re welcome! I am laser focused on R. I don’t want another man. But I am in contact with other CDs. Just not enthusiatic.

    K is my other platonic friend and it feels good to bounce things off him, too. He is so goofy with me, and it’s fun. R was goofy with me tonight, too.

    I talked with him further about what he would like to get spoiled with. After some other stuff, he said he would like to have his hiney spanked because he was a bad boy! LOL, it felt fun!

    And it was so cool, because just tonight, Rori was talking about the value of PLAY in a relationship! So I told him I’d spank his hiney until it was red and stinging! LOL! :lol:!

    Then I reminded him of the time in 2009 when I playfully grabbed his crotch, and his eyes got wide as he exclaimed in mock horror, “I’ve been violated!!”



  165.  #165Daria on August 27, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Radlove: I want you to try this:

    Play out this script to yourself. Notice the way energy is running in your body… How you feel, which way you’re leaning or feel compelled to, what parts are tight? What parts feel relaxed? Just notice, no need to change anything.

    Man: How would you spoil a man?

    Woman: How would you like to be spoiled?
    Or
    Woman: It would feel great to spoil you any way you would like!

    Try both versions until you notice and can write down some of how you’re feeling in your body .

    Now try:

    ‘I have started thinking of him as my spoiled little prince, LOL! He loves to be spoiled!’

    Really say this fully, and not quickly, including the Lol, notice how you are leaning and feeling .

    See if you can notice a difference between the first script a d this second one in your body.

    Now say ‘I have started to think of myself as a princess. I feel do good being spoiled!’

    Notice your posture heart rate, tightnesses, feeling again.

    This can really be a huge tweak for you! Noticing these differences is all the subtelty needed to really be aware of what energy feels like for you, so that you can choose what works with guys and will get you faster healing.

    Let me know what’s happening and what you noticed!



  166.  #166Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Daria,

    Can I email you something?



  167.  #167Emerson on August 27, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    163
    To me negotiating feels tiring. Not saying its right or wrong maybe Rori talks about it. But I’m saying I feel tired at the idea.



  168.  #168Radlove on August 27, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    Emerson,

    I like the way Rori says to not think of things as right or wrong but as what works or doesn’t work.

    For me, negotiating feels way scary and alien. I feel like I am walking thru a field of landmines in the dark! I want to heal that.



  169.  #169Daria on August 27, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    Radlove – sure, but I won’t be in my enail to read it till later.

    I feel curious if you’d be interested in or resistant to my suggestion to notice the feelings and the difference between the scripts above.



  170.  #170Heart on August 27, 2012 at 11:37 pm

    Radlove – 3.5 years? (((Radlove)))

    Please oh please stop hurting yourself like this…
    It’s painful to witness…



  171.  #171Tam on August 28, 2012 at 1:11 am

    I also feel concerned, Radlove, have done for some time actually. Perhaps I recognise some patterns that feel familiar to me and that I have worked hard to suppress and stop. The ‘chasing’, ‘hoping’, not taking ‘no relationship just friendship’ as an answer…

    I am sure you know the man very well, but to us, some of the exchanges we read here (I should not be speaking for others..). So for me, some of the exchanges I read that you have with him, sound so painful. Like you are waiting for every little scrap and he is just returning one word answers and you dig further.

    I really believe if you want to turn around the friendship dynamic, you need to change approach. If there is any hope. How can he miss you, want to hear from you etc when you seem to be all over him, on his case as it were?
    And you put him on such a pedestal, like he is some sort of super human being, I was very concerned reading he could be a healer for the world…???
    It’s like a full-blown infatuation and I had some of those and they usually landed me somewhere very painful.
    Maybe he can ‘give’ more when you step back, like create a space for him?
    I feel sad that I read more and more and more about how wonderful he is when the impression I get is that you are trying to get ‘blood out of stone’… 🙁
    I feel worried that you are talking yourself into something and talking him into being something that he perhaps isn’t? Perhaps he is just a normal guy trying to do best he can with his problems and perhaps he does not want or need a relationship at all?
    I hope this isn’t too harsh, I just feel concerned for you because you are a beautiful human being with so much to give and beautiful words and expressions…I do not want you to spend another 3.5 years putting someone else on the pedestal that you should be up on….
    I just ask that you keep an open mind to the possibilities of finding a man who puts you on a pedestal, thinks you are amazing and chases you like crazy…and wants to give you everything…
    please, stay open to that because you deserve NO LESS!!!!



  172.  #172Tam on August 28, 2012 at 1:12 am

    I feel bad for lecturing others. I am sorry if I have offended you Radlove.



  173.  #173Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 1:32 am

    Radlove

    I fear you are not seeing all of R’s good and bad points. What do you think?



  174.  #174Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 1:43 am

    Radlove

    Can I also ask, have you ever been in this sort of situation before?



  175.  #175Tam on August 28, 2012 at 1:59 am

    Watching a film from the 1960’s (I am not well still and spending the morning coughing in bed..). There was a girl in a bikini just now, full figured and you could even see the cellulite on the back of her thighs. All the men stared at her and wanted to be with her in the film.
    When did our concept of beauty get screwed up? She just looked like a normal and not skinny woman with a nice face…. Strange we should be so into lollipop-head women with bug boobs and tiny bodies nowadays. Totally flat stomachs, photoshopped cellulite free bodies. Unattainable perfection. Sad and boring!



  176.  #176Tam on August 28, 2012 at 2:01 am

    Bug boobs, haha, ‘big’…. 😉



  177.  #177Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 2:06 am

    “He is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, inside and out. He’s been tried in the fire and come forth as pure gold”

    This to me is beyond delusional. I even find myself questioning Daria’s integrity for seemingly encouraging this situation. 3.5 years later and doing what seems to be contrary to Rori’s teaching I wonder how people watching/reading this dynamic can feel confident using Rori’s tools. For me it brings everything into question.



  178.  #178Tam on August 28, 2012 at 2:13 am

    FW, I feel similarly. In fact it reminds me of all the stuff I used to do pre-Rori, that actually pushed my guy way away from me.
    It’s surprised me that he even came back!
    I’d run a mile if the tables were turned.



  179.  #179Tam on August 28, 2012 at 2:14 am

    I now know that I used to latch onto unavailable people because I was unavailable too. Not saying anyone else has the same issues, just that my eyes were opened recently…



  180.  #180Tam on August 28, 2012 at 2:16 am

    I remember Rori posting as a reply to my message:
    ‘this is all about you’
    And still I didn’t believe it until months later. We all have a different timeline for healing…..



  181.  #181Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 2:16 am

    Only a mile?



  182.  #182Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 2:19 am

    That’s great Tam. You are about your healing. This other dynamic is about desperately trying to get a man, regardless of the cost.



  183.  #183Tam on August 28, 2012 at 2:24 am

    Ooh, those big 1960’s hips and thighs make me almost jealous….oh and they make me feel sooo non-guilty for having a big chunk of chocolate!



  184.  #184Tam on August 28, 2012 at 2:28 am

    Thank you FW, but what concerns me is that one can’t get there by other people advising, explaining etc. I believed nobody deep down, until the penny dropped which came from within me….I feel sick thinking I could have gone on like this, unaware, for years to come – and run myself into the ground. Scary thought.



  185.  #185Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 2:31 am

    Just saw an email from Alex Allman. It includes this from Rori

    “I meet many women who value their spiritual beliefs and want to be with a man who SHARES their values and spiritual interest and commitment.

    And it’s SO EASY to mistake the friendship that can grow between two people who worship in the same way, who care about the same things, for a passionate, emotional bond.

    And yet, all that will get you – at best – is a deep friendship. He’ll tell everyone what a great woman you are, but he won’t be dreaming about you night after night or longing to hold you in his arms.

    The Right Way To Inspire His Devotion: Connecting Through His Heart!

    In order to connect with a man’s HEART, so he’ll feel compelled to be with you and worship and adore you the way you deserve, you have to drop down into YOUR heart first. Once he feels your heart, he’ll open up his, creating a heart-to-heart connection

    that begins with expressing your feelings and being your most feminine, authentic self.”

    Nowhere in her writing have I ever read her encouraging a woman to worship a man.



  186.  #186Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 2:37 am

    From a male coach:-

    “You’re not saying, “Oh…you remind me of someone I’m CRAZY ABOUT”,
    or “I know someone who’s just like you…awesome and sexy.”

    That sort of thing would be both needy AND a bit creepy if you ask me.”

    So why do we do it?



  187.  #187Goldenflower on August 28, 2012 at 2:47 am

    Hello sirens. I have been on holidays and had a long break from most of my online things inc Blog. It’s good to be back. I am now in an exclusive relationship with Bearman. I am not CD with actual dates but I am remaining open to men and CD myself. It is what feels best to me at present. I am feeling great and happy and given to fully by this man. He is by far the most giving man I have been with, and he is very masculine.

    He tells me he loves to take care of people, he loves to take care of me and make me happy. He has mentioned marriage a couple of times as a jokey kind of way, like he is testing the subject to see how I feel about marriage. Early on in our CD he texted me- would I mind if he put my name on his friends birthday card, it doesnt mean we’re engaged or anything! Then recently I was talking to him about taking things slow and building trust and he said, so the wedding’s off then, as a joke. I feel like he will ask me if I beleive in marriage soon so I want to be prepared and script it as well as I can.
    Perhaps: I feel marriage is very important to me and something I would want for myself.
    I also want to say something along the lines
    of: I would want to be married if I were to live with someone again. I want the full enchilada (does this sound too masc).
    Any comments welcome, xx



  188.  #188Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 2:47 am

    FW, I agree with this statement..

    I like the way Rori says to not think of things as right or wrong but as what works or doesn’t work.

    For me, negotiating feels way scary and alien. I feel like I am walking thru a field of landmines in the dark! I want to heal that.

    I feel sad… I feel drained… I feel like going round in ever decreasing circles and darkness…

    I agree with your comment about Rori’s tools…



  189.  #189Goldenflower on August 28, 2012 at 2:51 am

    129: Dark horse says:
    I feel that spoiling a man is emasculating. I feel that he feels good by having the power or means to spoil me that does not mean necessarily spending money it could mean indulging me a bit or telling me I am a princess in an nice teasing way.

    I am interested in what others think on the spoiling thing, if it’s ever a good thing to give as we all know we can. I recall Rori saying that it’s Ok to spoil on his birthday only. What about if he is ill, I wanted to pamper and spoil him the other day when he had to rest his foot and was in pain. What is the Rori rules on when he is unwell?



  190.  #190Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 2:51 am

    Ooops! Lol, I meant to say… FW I AGREE with this comment:

    “He is beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, inside and out. He’s been tried in the fire and come forth as pure gold”

    This to me is beyond delusional. I even find myself questioning Daria’s integrity for seemingly encouraging this situation. 3.5 years later and doing what seems to be contrary to Rori’s teaching I wonder how people watching/reading this dynamic can feel confident using Rori’s tools. For me it brings everything into question.

    Spot on!! ever decreasing circles…

    Ignore my previous post..



  191.  #191Tam on August 28, 2012 at 2:51 am

    I also have real trouble negotiating, but I look fwd to try it out and learn.



  192.  #192Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 3:03 am

    I feel with myself, imaginary relationships are about ways if getting attention. I want to have all those feelings of love and passion.

    I wonder what this is bringing up for me to heal… It really touches a deep nerve inside of me.. (((((me)))))



  193.  #193Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 3:06 am

    I feel scared writing this…



  194.  #194Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 3:22 am

    Rebecca be careful of how you agree with me so when the tornado hits you don’t get caught in the winds



  195.  #195Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 3:26 am

    Goldenflower after he has given a 1000 times over to erase doubts and confusion about his intentions, then yeah. Especially when he asks for something specific that he really needs. That is me.



  196.  #196ruth on August 28, 2012 at 3:35 am

    Just popping to say Hello
    🙂



  197.  #197Tam on August 28, 2012 at 3:42 am

    Hello Ruth!!
    How was your holiday?
    All ok with you??



  198.  #198Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 3:45 am

    FW

    Maybe you are right. Hopefully though it is about me growing as a person and seeking to express myself in a stronger more confifent voice, and not always feeling so ‘scared’ of standing up for myself … (((me)))

    I want to feel more confident in giving my opinion. I have a problem with feeling people are talking ‘down’ to me in a condecending way.

    BUT the point is to hold the mirror up to myself in all this ?



  199.  #199Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 3:49 am

    Last night I had a dream about being a spy in the war and knowing where there were landmines. It was about trusting my instincts and my intuition. Also in the dream a horse came up to me to show me it’s wounded leg it knew I could help it.

    It’s interesting what is getting triggered here for me now. I don’t believe Daria is encouraging anything other than radloves exploration of her own femininity. R is the man in front of Radlove right now so he is the one she is practicing all these tools on practicing being the operative word. We all arrive here with varying degrees of skills in this area and are here because we want to learn more.

    Radlove I want to say to you that on some level you trust yourself and you know what you are doing. Yes you are willing to take suggestions but you know best and you know this situation best. I think it is very possible that all the texting and talking and discussing r does about relationships is him having a relationship. Have you considered he may not ever be able to move it beyond that? this may be where he feels most comfortable.

    Keep on your path, keep moving forward and keep the focus on you. That benefits everyone.



  200.  #200Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Mind you, I know I have spent endless hours, months, years listen and advise friends on their ‘relationships’ ONLY for them to completely ignore my advice and just do their own thing anyway. In the end they always ended up going off with someone else and I felt so sad and used that all my time trying to support them had been wasted. As soon as they got their act together I never saw them again, they had only wanted me as a shoulder to cry on. I feel sad thinking about this…

    Why do I allow my buttons to be pushed?



  201.  #201Heart on August 28, 2012 at 3:53 am

    Sirens – I wrote CuddleyGrinch and told him I would meet up but not exactly sure what day since I was feeling a little sick..he was supersweet and understanding…

    But then he was tagged again by another girl (his friend) in a photo….He was out with that girl and another guy But still it feels Awful.
    I feel awful and jealous and angry and sad.
    I don’t get how I’m seeing his tagged pics….they never showed up before.

    I’m just going to make up excuses about work and Not see him anymore….I Don’t get Why he contacts me and asks me out…
    He’s horrible…

    🙁



  202.  #202Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 3:57 am

    .. I don’t think this so called friend ever asked me about my live life either. When I did try and talk to her she would often make fun of me, and I would feel stupid and naive in her prescence. I often felt that all she wanted me for was to off load her emotional problems. She always had a way of talking to me like I was really stupid. I don’t think I’ve ever quite got over it and I’ve always had a chip on my shoulder about it.

    When we fell out she emailed me a huge long list of all my faults and told me how everyone hated me.. :((( oh, I feel sad remebering that…



  203.  #203Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 3:58 am

    FW I feel triggered by this comment Rebecca be careful how you agree with me etc

    It implies to me that Rebecca should just go with whatever way the wind is blowing instead of speaking her truth? Integrity hmmmmm ……

    I feel scared now saying this like FW you are big and powerful and you will blow me in a gust of wind away for challenging you. I feel small and dark but I’ll do it anyway (((((((darkhorse, brave little darkhorse)))))))



  204.  #204Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 3:58 am

    *love life



  205.  #205Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 4:02 am

    *remembering

    Lol, my spelling and grammar on a Smart phone. I find typing so tedious..



  206.  #206Heart on August 28, 2012 at 4:05 am

    wow I feel ok now…..that pain felt kind of amazing…I think CuddleyGrinch showed up in my life to help me to deal with Jealousy…



  207.  #207Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 4:06 am

    Mmm..

    My advice to this friend was ‘ignored’, and I felt used. And I let it go on too long because I was unable to clearly set ‘boundaries’ and say ‘no’.

    I felt like a ‘talking post’ to this friend.



  208.  #208Heart on August 28, 2012 at 4:07 am

    I feel calm, centered and in control now…



  209.  #209Heart on August 28, 2012 at 4:10 am

    ps – I haven’t heard from New Guy

    Damn! He was So Hot!



  210.  #210Daria on August 28, 2012 at 4:11 am

    Heart – I feel sad and confused hearing that…

    Does he look romantic with the woman in the picture?



  211.  #211Tam on August 28, 2012 at 4:27 am

    And what if he is intentionally trying to make you jealous….



  212.  #212Tam on August 28, 2012 at 4:32 am

    Jeepers, one of my more hopeful CD’s from FL, now just an email CD, just told me that my way of communicating has made him open up more than a woman he was in a relationship for 11/2 years with.
    I feel happy to hear it as I have been working so hard on myself to be more open.
    At the same time I feel compassion for the unknown woman because I also never let anyone see my feelings, or let them come close….
    ((((woman)))



  213.  #213Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 4:43 am

    I feel sad whenever I think of this friend, because she would always completely disregard my advice, almost laughingly mock it, and just do her own thing. (almost the opposite of what I would suggest). And then she wouls say ‘But Rebecca, I did DO what you suggested. And see it didn’t work’. And we would just go round and round in circles, because she wasn’t really doing what I suggested. Then she would also tell me what a great friend I was and how much I had helped her! Inside I grew more and more exasperated…



  214.  #214Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 4:52 am

    Daria,

    169 – I haven’t shared full information. I feel misunderstood because of that.

    Heart,

    I feel the same. I feel shut down. I feel a pang of ouch in my heart.



  215.  #215Turquoise on August 28, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Good morning sirens,

    Mr. Conversation did start texting me last night and came over, and while I did get some kisses, it wasn’t the pull me out into the rain kind.

    I’m feeling a little frustrated with him. He often assumes he knows what I’m thinking, feeling, or that I have some master plan. Why is it so hard to just be in the moment and enjoy our time together? It’s what he said he wanted…. he thinks I want us to have this big brady bunch family. Which, yes, someday I’d like to get remarried and if they had kids, would wnat everyone to get along and be happy together, but I don’t expect that right now. It’s only been a summer. I’m not a rush into something deep person. I’m more careful than that.

    I didn’t lean back far enough, didn’t plan to or expect to see him… and ended up mostly feeling frustrated. He doesn’t believe I understand him, or that anyone can, because he’s complex and doesn’t always understand himself. I believe I do, but obviously me saying that doesn’t make him feel better or closer to me.

    I have to get ready for work…. but do need to work through these frustrated feelings. Maybe I STILL want more than he can give, just because I want the possibility and potential of something serious. I need a date with someone else. I don’t wnat to be lazer focused either.

    There is a nice guy who’s been emailing me and we text a little bit. He hasn’t asked to meet me yet, and it’s been a few weeks…. but he did send me a good night, sweet dreams text last night that felt sweet. It just feels…. uneventful because it’s moving so slowly. I’ve been hearing from a lot of men on POF, some repeats that I haven’t met before. Some way too young… but the ones I’d be interested in meeting, live further away, and I’m so spoiled with the 1.5 miles that it really seems like the others are just “too far.”



  216.  #216Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 4:57 am

    Dark horse,

    198 – No, this is not R having a relationship. He maybe knows he can’t handle a committed relationship right now. I can’t say what is in his mind, but I know he wants be a husband and father very much. He is just in this struggle, and I think I am one of his ways to relax and keep safe and sane in the midst of his storm inside.



  217.  #217Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 5:01 am

    In general, I am feeling increasingly shut down about R on the blog. It is understandable if women are tired of hearing me discuss him.

    I am going to say this the best I can, because I don’t know how to say it in feeling messages. For years, I have said, “You don’t get an accurate perception of reality when you assume the worst.”

    Anymore, the slightest thing I write and I feel almost attacked, even tho it comes in the form of loving and caring. I know you all love and care, but I don’t like it when someone assumes the worst of me.

    I was NOOOOTTTTTTT saying that I was spoiling him and that he was playing the part of the girl. I was grappling with how to address his discussion about being spoiled. And I don’t feel emotionally safe to share that text conversation on the blog, for this very reason, so I’m not going to do it.



  218.  #218Turquoise on August 28, 2012 at 5:03 am

    Radlove,

    He’s your mancrack… so easy to get addicted, I know… and have that potential in me too. The thing is, addictions aren’t good for us. Moderation is good for us. Kick that pedestal out from under him and see him how he is. A man, with an illness, who has the potential to be what you want or give you what you want, but can’t or won’t right now. That is all you need to remember, he can’t give you what you want right now. So, why not have other wonderful things and people in your life that you spend just as much time with and on?

    For as much as you love him right now, and how gushing you are… most of us have heard the other side of that this relationship does to you when he pulls it away. That is the scary part. To see this cycle happen over and over again, and for us who are waiting for the ship to crash, again. And for you to feel manipulated and voilated and fooled. We don’t want that for you.



  219.  #219Tam on August 28, 2012 at 5:05 am

    (((Radlove)))



  220.  #220Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Wise words Turq



  221.  #221Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Rebecca,

    173-4 = “I fear you are not seeing all of R’s good and bad points. What do you think?”

    I have spent way too much time on the blog pointing out R’s bad points. I feel no need to “balance” out my compliments of him with bad points. Of course I see both sides. Of course I am concerned. But I choose to look beyond his shortcomings and love the precious man inside who truly is beautiful.

    Have I ever encountered what before? Chances are, no, because in many ways, R is like the first relationship I ever really had.

    Most of my relationships before him were long distance with men in prison. There have been so many firsts for me with R. That’s why I’m on here like an 18 year old at times, instead of a 48 year old. (((Me)))



  222.  #222Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 5:15 am

    (((((Radlove)))))) I hear that you are feeling invalidated. Is that accurate? Your perception is valid. As valid as anyone’s here including mine.

    What would help you feel validated? What would feel good to you? How can we be of best help to you?

    What is it that you get from Rori that you are not getting here on the blog? I sense that perhaps she totally accepts you and doesn’t try to change you but maybe suggests alternatives? What is it that she does that is so healing? I would learn from your description of her actions as I sense deep loyalty to her from your posts. Is it that you feel seen and understood by her? Xo



  223.  #223Tam on August 28, 2012 at 5:15 am

    217 – Turqouise, such a good post.
    And a good reminder for those of us – me also – who used to or still thrive on mancrack.
    I realise that now, hearing or not hearing from a man does not ruin my day or make my day amazingly good anymore…and that is how I want to keep it.
    I want to be the provider of my own happiness and sanity, and a relationship/man to compliment that.
    I am not the whole way there, and it’s a very difficult path and one reason why the no dating for a few weeks has done me the world of good….
    I feel on the road to recovery, and I really cringe when I see the man-crack stuff happening. My fears come back up: ‘will this happen to me again when I fall in love?’.
    I so so hope that it won’t.



  224.  #224Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Tam,

    171 – I feel misunderstood, not offended. I know you mean well and that you care, and I appreciate that.

    I did NOT say “healer for the world”, I said something like bring healing to the world. I myself try to bring healing to the world every day. Again, it’s that “assume the worst” syndrome that leaves me feeling like I’m banging my head against the wall in an effort to feel understood.

    Rori brings healing to the world, my dog brings healing to the world, my 80 year old mom in a nursing home brings healing to the world.

    Beyond that, I feel grossly misunderstood as well. I don’t put him in a pedestal. I feel deep frustration, and my self talk is saying, “You’re dam/ned if you do and dam/ned if you don’t.” If I say negative things about R, I feel criticized. If I say positive things about R, I feel criticized.

    So my solution will be to stop talking about R on the blog for the most part.

    I do want to let Turquoise, Dark horse, and the restof you know that I discussed having a blog about being a friend to a schizophrenic last night, and I felt amazed at how open he was to it!!!!

    I won’t start it until I am working and financially stable. But he gave me no resistance whatsoever, and seemed more cheering me on, because he truly DOES have a heart to bring healing to people. I feel good that he trusts me this much. I welcomed him to be a part of it to the extent that he chooses.



  225.  #225Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Tam, you said:

    I feel on the road to recovery, and I really cringe when I see the man-crack stuff happening. My fears come back up: ‘will this happen to me again when I fall in love?’.
    I so so hope that it won’t.

    Yes, I agree with this wholeheartedly, I think it’s why I feel so triggered and I don’t want to sound all preachy because I’m scared that I could and often am in the same situation.



  226.  #226Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 5:28 am

    (((Dark horse)))

    221 – Thank you so much. Just reading that, I feel validated. Yes, I am not feeling validated.

    I feel like I did as a child when we were singing a simple song and I made up a verse, “I’m as free as a bird can be!” I shared it with the teacher, and she said, “I”m as free as the birds and bees?” with a little laugh, like I was just a stupid child who didn’t know what she was talking about.

    Well, I don’t have daily access to Rori, but I had one one-on-one session with her in the past and in taking the Love Forever Teleclass, I was able to email her a little. I told her my basic intuition told me that while R is saying just friendship, just friendship, his actions are saying that he is most definitely considering me as his future wife. I gave her a few examples to demonstrate why I believed that.

    I felt really validated when she said, “B, I believe you.”

    This is NOT a usual relationship.

    I guess what makes me feel validated by R is when I tell him something, he weighs it in light of all I have told him in the past. So with any given situation, we have already looked at it from all angles, like looking thru the many facets of a diamond. Then when I introduce a new facet, it is in balance and that one new facet isn’t blown out of proportion.



  227.  #227Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 5:30 am

    That’s wonderful Radlove! I feel excited for the possibilities for you and I’m glad your friend is supportive and open to it 🙂 I can feel your world opening up! You could also have a section about the roles animals play in soothing those with mental illness, PTSD, autism etc. have you done any therapeutic dog training? I have seen how dogs work with veterans coming back from the war and how amazing their relationships are with their dogs. It made me cry seeing it.



  228.  #228Tam on August 28, 2012 at 5:33 am

    223 Radlove, I trust that you know what is best for you, even if some of us on here might not see that right now.
    Only you know whether this man is able to give you what you need and whether the time you spend focusing on him is furthering you in your life.
    I really hope and wish that it all turns out well for you.

    I would be really very interested what Roris view is on all this. I wonder if we can get her to chip in, because in some ways I do feel weird reading about you and R and feel it has the capacity of throwing some of us off our horse of not focusing on one man so much. I am totally guilty of doing that btw., and I have caught myself thinking that ‘well if she thinks it’s ok and doing her good…maybe it’s not so wrong’ but I don’t want to think like that.

    In the end we are all adults and here to look out for each other, not press our views down on the other person….but still, I would love to know what Rori has to say. What did she say Radlove?



  229.  #229Tam on August 28, 2012 at 5:35 am

    oh, I saw you posted ‘I believe you B’…is that all?
    Interesting!



  230.  #230Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Radlove Thanks for sharing and I get it.

    I think unless someone has walked in your shoes they can only bring their own experience to it. We are all trying the best we can.

    I have heard that some mental illness can be like looking at life thru a prism so that things have multi facets and can be confusing and just fractions off. Walking in that world with someone who has mental illness can be deeply confusing. I have a little experience in that regard. All we can do is set our own boat straight for the lighthouse and be sure we have a good anchor not to be pulled off course by their internal storm.

    Anyway. Hugs to you



  231.  #231Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 5:42 am

    I’m wondering, do things work out on there own eventually, anyway?

    My friend eventually went off with another guy like her previous guy had never existed. I think I do that too.



  232.  #232Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 5:45 am

    Turquoise,

    217 – I am bowing out. Thank you for caring.



  233.  #233Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 5:48 am

    (((((tam)))))

    I can sense your kindness. And you Turquoise! Such lovely sirens … All here are such lovely sirens I’m learning so much.

    It’s raining here and I’m going to have a quiet day with my animals. I feel like snuggling up in bed with them and watching a movie! I’m so glad I work for myself and can do that on occasion.

    I think what I was trying to share in my story about the shoe
    was it was Law of attraction in effect.



  234.  #234Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Dark horse,

    229 – I feel validated in most of this post, but this part, again, I feel completely misunderstood:

    “I have heard that some mental illness can be like looking at life thru a prism so that things have multi facets and can be confusing and just fractions off.”

    I was using the facets of a diamond as an analogy. It is an analogy that I originally learned in 1990 from the most intelligent man I ever met, a US attorney, who gave me some priceless life advice. In context, he said, “Keep an open mind. Never be too sure about anything” He was encouraging me to see a situation from all angles, like looking at a diamond thru multiple facets.

    I feel frustrated. This is the number one reason I feel so close to R…I feel completely understood by him.



  235.  #235Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 6:00 am

    233 interesting. I definitely agree keeping an open mind is a good thing.

    I actually wasn’t meaning to contradict you at all but I can see how you might feel like that as I used a similar analogy. I’m not even sure I got it right. I think it was from a book I read ages ago about bipolar disorder.

    I guess there are multiple ways of looking at things that arent necessarily right or wrong. But then there are some universal truths? Or are there?

    Now I’m thinking too much and I want to go back to feeling.

    I feel sleepy and a little bit like the weather is making me feel headachy.

    Hmm interesting it’s like I feel safer feeling. I suddenly don’t feel safe thinking, analyzing, … Like my feelings are mine and they can be trusted.

    ((((darkhorse)))) thanks for trying!



  236.  #236Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 6:05 am

    Righty ho! I’m off to do some housework! Back later!



  237.  #237Tam on August 28, 2012 at 6:06 am

    Hey darkhorse 🙂
    feels nice to read about you, the animals and snuggling!!!
    I am kind of doing the same but feeling guilty as I should be working. I do a part time job mainly working for myself but attached to a company and I feel guilty. But I am sick too and have not slept for two nights (bad cough), so I am going to snuggle a bit too…you inspired me 🙂



  238.  #238Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 6:08 am

    Yay, baby steps for me… Back to earth with a thump after my lovely holiday.. Feeling over welmed by stuff to do… Feeling tired at the thought of it all. Feeling scared to fail.. Feeling ‘not good enough’. Comparing myself to others today…

    Baby steps me…



  239.  #239Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Hi tam! I totally get about feeling guilty too BUT I swore to myself when I came on this blog to start being really nice to myself every day and to listen to my body. So I am indulging myself! I hope your cough gets better.

    Recently I read a mom of an artistic boy said if we show compassion to others and not to ourselves we will burn out.I am feeling burnt out these days. I want to be kind to myself. I am really feeling good about hugging myself on this blog!, ha ha! I think I’ll hug myself again ((((( little darkhorse))))))

    Tam what did you think re my story of the restraint in Berlin? I still think it was so strange.

    I feel excited for you about what cd said about you opening him up. Can you say specifically what you did? Like talking to him about your feelings about everything or about feelings about relationships?



  240.  #240Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 6:18 am

    Um restaurant not restraint! Although there was restraint!



  241.  #241T-Girl on August 28, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Turq, regarding the “master plan” I think men feel this way about women, especially if that man has been hurt. I can’t tell you how many times J mentioned my “agenda” when really there was none at all. I just heeded words from Dominique’s teleclass letting me know to just give hI’m time and he will see my true colors.



  242.  #242Tam on August 28, 2012 at 6:23 am

    238..darkhorse…yes, I am also trying to be kinder to myself but I feel outright lazy these days…I am kind of leaning back in all areas of my life when I used to struggle so hard and not listen to my body…I think the lazy feeling is just a bunch of NV’s!

    The Berlin story is totally strange…I have no idea what to make of it … 😉

    Funnily enough, no I can’t say what I did with the CD guy. I think rather than just saying ‘I am fine’ when he asked me how I was, and how my day was etc. I started telling him with feeling messages what is going on in my life. Not so much facts. But how I feel.
    Rori stuff basically, I use the men for practice now.
    With him it totally worked to open him up and he told me about his past relationship and how he did not feel valued and so on. And then he said ‘I don’t know why I am telling you all this because I have told nobody before’ and I am thinking that Rori’s stuff does work.

    Ok, now I have to go and get some medicine or I will cough my little heart out… 🙂



  243.  #243Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 6:24 am

    Sirens a question. When we share I feel, what do you think it is my understanding that we are in feminine energy inviting him to be the thinking doing energy. But I have also read some sirens saying their men start sharing feelings. I presume that’s good but I’m confused. Lionman is very into his feelings and I am having some success with me sharing more of my feelings and inviting him to be decisive and more action based. But should I be asking him to share his feelings? Oh im all confused!

    There are men working here today I’m going to practice on them 🙂



  244.  #244Tam on August 28, 2012 at 6:30 am

    Incidentally, and interestingly…all my CD’s have at one point or other fired back a feeling message to me, after practicing with them…sooner or later they do it. I noticed that. Case of mirroring or opening up or both.
    The only man who never used a feeling message back or even close to opening up was MrP. He loves me doing it, but it hasn’t inspired him to open up. Unless it has been in ways that are kind of indirect (sending me a song etc).
    Very interesting. He once said ‘I am an ice block’.



  245.  #245Daria on August 28, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Rad love – okay if u want to email me i will check my email later tonite wen I have better Internet



  246.  #246Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Dark Horse I don’t feel challenged by you. I feel challenged thinking about “grabbing a ‘friend’ in the crotch”. I can’t help but wonder if that is the kind of play Rori encourages women to do. I wonder about “spanking” a friend on the hiney as “play”. I wonder about sharing with a friend about being a soft pillow for a man to fall “dick first”.

    I have read about women feeling turned off by a man taking another woamn’s hand to his pe!nis. I have read about other women being discouraged about pulling their partner in for a kiss. So yes integrity comes up as a question for me when the man is “a friend”. I have seen so much reinforcement about getting that it is not a romantic relationship that yes I question a lot of things I read here.



  247.  #247Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Turquoise I believe Mr. C makes those assumptions because he feels so close and accepted by you. It would be great for your self-esteem if you could figure out what the feelings of frustration are trying to tell you about yourself.



  248.  #248Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Tam,

    227 – Ok, I’ll share what Rori wrote me in an email, and I feel really vulnerable, because part of me just wants to end this discussion. I just spent over an hour going thru her emails. It will take me some time, because I need to edit out names, etc.

    And just now I got a call from my Mom, and she needs me. To be continued, probably tonight or tomorrow.



  249.  #249Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Tam what I remember from Rori is that when you speak from your feelings one of the things a man experiences is that you as a woman respects his thinking and opinions.



  250.  #250Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Dark horse,

    226 – “That’s wonderful Radlove! I feel excited for the possibilities for you and I’m glad your friend is supportive and open to it I can feel your world opening up! You could also have a section about the roles animals play in soothing those with mental illness, PTSD, autism etc. have you done any therapeutic dog training? I have seen how dogs work with veterans coming back from the war and how amazing their relationships are with their dogs. It made me cry seeing it.”

    I really like this! I worked with autistic kids for 4 years, along with those diagnosed as “mentally handicapped” and “emotionally disturbed”.

    So I can have sections or separate blogs for friends of them, too! I had a lot of success with kids!

    I am not good at training dogs, tho, LOL. Got to work on that one.

    As I read thru Rori’s emails from February, she encouraged me at every turn to start a blog. I’ve been intending to for some time! I mean, 1.5 to 2 years ago!

    So even more motivation. Rori said a blog is a good base from which to build a business.



  251.  #251Radlove on August 28, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Daria,

    244 – Thank you!



  252.  #252Tam on August 28, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Hmmm…interesting. I would only feel safe ‘grabbing a man’s crotch’ in a playful way if he was my boyfriend…never ever a friend. That feels like a big violation of boundaries to me. But that’s just my view.

    I certainly would not do that with a friend, ever. And I wouldn’t do that with MrP either, even though we were having an on-off relationship. I have a lot of respect for him, and I know he would see that as an aggressive action, being so masculine. I wouldn’t dare. He would not find that funny at all, well who knows.
    He does try to get physical with me all the time, although luckily in more subtle ways. 😉

    But even so, should he want only friendship even that is going to stop, I will tighten up my boundaries. It’s not that I don’t like it, but it gives the impression that I am happy to be played with outside a relationship – and I am not really.
    Friendship is friendship. Goes both ways.

    I would also be aghast if one of my male friends grabbed one of my boobs, or my crotch. I’d probably slap him for being so surprised….I’d be shocked frankly.



  253.  #253Tam on August 28, 2012 at 7:13 am

    247 – Radlove, I would really appreciate if you would post what Rori’s view are on the situation, just because I feel it might help some of us too.
    But if you feel uncomfortable doing it or it takes you a lot of time that you can’t spare then I understand also 🙂
    It’s all good!!



  254.  #254Tam on August 28, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Rori’s email..so so true!! here goes:

    When you chase a man, you don’t give him the chance to show you how he really feels about you. And my experience has shown that the only way to really be sure of where his heart is at is by creating the space he needs to pursue you.

    Lure Him, Don’t Chase Him

    For a man to feel like he wants to get closer to you, he needs to feel good around you. And the way he feels good around you is when he pleases you. As long as you seem happy to see him and tell him how much you enjoy his company, most men will keep coming back for more.

    Stay in your feminine energy by being receptive and open to his attention.

    When he sees that you’re a woman who’s secure in herself and doesn’t need to pursue him, he’ll be encouraged to step up his game so another man doesn’t beat him to the chase.

    Once you’re in a committed relationship with one man, letting him take the lead and continuing to be receptive to him will fuel his passion for you.

    He will adore you and appreciate you, and you will be able to relax in the knowledge that you are a desirable creature he’d be a fool to take for granted.



  255.  #255ruth on August 28, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Hi tam
    Still on hols
    But i am feeling good thankyou
    two more marathons done and lots of friends seen, which is good
    🙂

    The blog feels intrigiung today and a litle bit edgy



  256.  #256bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 7:30 am

    silly emk speaking some truth:

    I am a confident, honorable, commitment-oriented man – the kind that you should want to marry, the kind you need to understand.

    And I can tell you two things right now that you should never forget:

    Your confidence is your most attractive quality. The only man who wants to date an insecure woman is a bad man – because he knows that he can mistreat her and that she’ll never go anywhere. Good men have absolutely no patience for women who are jealous or fearful. If you can’t leave us when you’re being mistreated, we have no respect for you and we certainly wouldn’t want to marry you.

    You have all the power. Not him. If you’ve remotely bought into the myth that men have power because THEY ask you out, THEY make the first move, THEY make more money, THEY have more options, THEY propose, then you’ve already lost the battle. Because THEY can’t do ANYTHING without YOUR permission. You can say no at any point in time and opt out of his subpar behavior.

    In other words, if you believe you’re VALUABLE, you never have to worry about whether he VALUES you.

    If he’s treating you right, he does. If he’s not, you’re out the door.



  257.  #257ruth on August 28, 2012 at 7:30 am

    238
    darkhorse
    so true about burn out

    Been there, got the t shirt



  258.  #258k2012 on August 28, 2012 at 7:30 am

    On Rori’s last blog, the one immediately before this one about dating pitfalls, I said that I had a folder in my email box called relationship issues which contains articles written by Rori and Christian Carter. Last night right after writing that, I found an article that Christian Carter sent to me “the Ultimate breakup cure”. Boy was it helpful. I will copy and paste it later.



  259.  #259Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 7:32 am

    I am naturally a very shy person. I like that about myself. I feel I am sensitive to others boundaries. I feel confident in my ability to say no to myself if it is not good for me and no to others if it feels bad to me. I only accept touch from others that feels good to me. I only receive massages from certain people that feel safe to me. I only touch if it’s invited. I am naturally reticent. I like that in others too it feels safe to me.



  260.  #260bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 7:36 am

    hi, ruth !



  261.  #261Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 7:37 am

    bloom-ing EMK has made some valuable points



  262.  #262bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 7:38 am

    radlove, i felt terrified reading the grab the crotch & then his i’ve been violated……. ahhhh i feel like screaming & running away. i feel very sensitive & i don’t want to be touched in a shocking way.



  263.  #263bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 7:39 am

    i agree, femininewoman – “silly” only because of his (to me) hyperbolic “let your man love strip clubs” mentality : ))



  264.  #264ruth on August 28, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Hi Bloom-ing
    🙂

    I guess i have some catching up to do on the previous Blog



  265.  #265Tam on August 28, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Ruth, I just don’t understand how you can run one marathon after the other like it is a little three mile run.

    Please explain!! 😉



  266.  #266ruth on August 28, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Crotch grabbing

    Hmmm

    Not sure

    Though for me its okay for my maile friends to pat my bottom as a joke

    (they cant really miss itLOL)



  267.  #267Tam on August 28, 2012 at 7:42 am

    oooh blooming:

    ‘he knows that he can mistreat her and that she’ll never go anywhere’

    that was me. now the dynamics have changed. I feel exciting what will show up for me now that I AM going somewhere in my life…



  268.  #268ruth on August 28, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Tam, I cant!

    I suffered like mad and walked loads
    its too humid here
    the first marathon took 5 hrs 22 and the thirty miles 2 days later took 5 hours 53

    I did however get some stupendous pictures



  269.  #269bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 7:43 am

    april rose, i thought of another way that looks like (being a baby) — have you seen the movie “the fifth element” ? that girl is a baby in the world : )

    so funny how twist-y the world is…. after you & i were talking about that, i was thinking about that movie… & then out of nowhere cd starts saying, you remind me of the girl in the fifth element & laughing because “she is a weird-o even in a sci-fi world” lol : )



  270.  #270Tam on August 28, 2012 at 7:43 am

    258 – darkhorse, that’s beautiful…I find myself in those words also!



  271.  #271April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 7:44 am

    I feel swirly, wispy tendrils of acrid smokey sadness inside my ribs.
    Misty longing softens my eyes and they are wet with the beginnings of silent, unspoken despair.

    I would not be feeling like this if I had not seen him today



  272.  #272Tam on August 28, 2012 at 7:44 am

    267 – ok Ruth, so you are quite sane, happy to hear it 🙂



  273.  #273April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Thank you, strange unnerving man, man with delicious hands, man with cruel eyes.
    I asked you why you had shown up in my life.
    You looked at me, your gaze reaching into my belly and offering no pleasures.
    You asked me the same question.



  274.  #274ruth on August 28, 2012 at 7:48 am

    Yes Quite sane

    Thats me

    Just feeling a bit-used up!

    (((((((((April Rose)))))))



  275.  #275Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 7:56 am

    OMG (((Ruth)))



  276.  #276April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 7:57 am

    bloom-ing, dear sweet baby, thank you for bringing me home to the world of ladies and babies and sweet soft femininity….
    oh, into my own heart I go….

    I have squeezed my mind ‘out’ into him. I feel so entranced in front of those funny blue eyes, shiney with steel weapons and gestapo power. I felt so much weeping in my tummy. I feel the whole world, the movement of peoples and forces unseen.

    In my mind I cast him as the dark and I am the light. I feel indescribably moved. I forget that we are just two humans standing in a feel next to some old bales of hay.

    I feel mystified.



  277.  #277April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:00 am

    hahaaa

    in a feel! I meant in a field. but yes, we were standing in a feel

    haha

    tomorrow I ‘escape’



  278.  #278Tam on August 28, 2012 at 8:01 am

    ugh, April Rose:

    ‘blue eyes, shiney with steel weapons and gestapo power’ …I feel that I know this man!



  279.  #279April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:01 am

    RUTH!

    So happy to see you again. Yay!

    (((((((Ruth))))))



  280.  #280ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Right
    i have attempted to read back the last blog

    Tam amd Smile-you go girls! I love the attitude.yes, you are great prizes!

    Re the sexual health stuff.Hm, its as well i am in my current situation as i *hate* condoms with a passion

    To me they feel icky and stop you getting close to the man

    not really an issue now, but I was a touch silly in the 1980s.



  281.  #281Tam on August 28, 2012 at 8:03 am

    A-R you’re escaping?



  282.  #282Calypso on August 28, 2012 at 8:03 am

    JC called me last night – I was home alone watching the movie, “Friends With benefits” and crying like a baby when he called – It was so funny when I told him what I was doing – he was so sweet! I had to put the phone down and go blow my nose just so he could understand me when I talked – we giggled about me being a silly girl.

    He said he didn’t want to wait until Friday to see me again and we talked about our schedules and decided that we could get together tonight. He works out of town and won’t be home until 6:00 and will want a shower, etc – I live in the country north of town and don’t want to hang out waiting for him or drive back to town later, so i suggested that he just come to my place for pizza when he is ready.

    Is that too much boy energy? Too overfunctioning? I did it because I want to be at my house. I’m happy and comfortable there and I don’t feel like going out to dinner – I want to see how it feels to have him at my place – with all of my dogs, cats and teenage boys wandering in and out. I want to cook a pizza and drink a beer and show him my driftwood garden. I want him to light a fire and help me with my burn pile . . .

    He seemed really pleased by my invitation. He wanted to know what he should bring. I said, “I will have pizza, beer, diet coke and me . . . If you need anything else, you should bring it …” He said he could not think of anything else he could ever need – Awwww….



  283.  #283Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Thank you tam!

    Hi Ruth, oh wow five hours? Amazing I can barely run for alf an hour without a few walking stops on the way!



  284.  #284ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:04 am

    ooh, FW and April Rose

    Thanks for the hugs, that feels nice!



  285.  #285ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:05 am

    282 dark horse, there was plenty of walking too-thats why it took 5 hours LOL

    Ive only run run *all* the way in two out of my 200 marathons



  286.  #286ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:06 am

    he sounds nice calypso

    Roris “rules” I see more as guiding principles to be adapted to specific situations



  287.  #287April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:08 am

    Tam

    Really? Do you know him?
    When we first kissed he lifted my shirt to run a cold, metal car key across my naked belly as we stood by the kitchen door?

    I feel so strange to say it turned me on. But only briefly.
    I have since discovered him to be somewhat passionless. No warmth…..shudder…



  288.  #288ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:09 am

    286
    eek, April Rose-are you talking about EM?



  289.  #289Tam on August 28, 2012 at 8:10 am

    279 regarding the sexual health stuff Ruth, I wouldn’t put it past me to be ‘a touch silly’ again, I do feel a bit like you about condoms. I just hope I’d look after myself nowadays…but who knows…



  290.  #290Tam on August 28, 2012 at 8:11 am

    286..no, but I do know men like that, the sentence struck a cord 😉



  291.  #291ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:11 am

    288 tam

    well, all i can say is that i am a bl**dy lucky girl not to have caught something

    Now i feel rather embarassed



  292.  #292April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Yes.

    Tomorrow I run away.

    At least for a week. Who knows, maybe more.
    I would like never to come back.



  293.  #293bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 8:12 am

    was trying to “walk with my hips” yesterday…. felt so self-conscious – & actually, “endangered”



  294.  #294Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Hi Ruth, I can feel your energy!

    ((tams cough))

    ((radlove))



  295.  #295Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:15 am

    April Rose, I feel concern reading your posts 🙁



  296.  #296ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Thank you Smile
    🙂

    I am feeling quite bouncy, surprisingly

    It got a tad wet during the first marathon

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/7736510@N08/7862345192/in/photostream



  297.  #297April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Yes Ruth
    I’m talking about EM.

    Thank you for knowing that. I feel cared for.



  298.  #298Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Ruth 279

    Thanks! We rock lol 🙂



  299.  #299MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Good morning sirens!

    Feeling rejuvenated and refreshed after my weekend away in the mountains. I feel absolutely blessed to live here in my little corner of the world. Such beauty right in my backyard. I sucked up every last drop of it through a giant straw! I felt alive. I took it all in and turned it inside out so the world could see and feel my pleasure and euphoria. When the moon and stars came out I said to my cousin “This is SO beautiful!” and she giggled and said “I think you’re high!”. 🙂 hehe

    The man was wonderful through the entire weekend. He set up our tent and bed and laid down a plush furry blanket on the floor to make it soft where we had to kneel. He was mightily disappointed by the fire ban, but took it like a trooper and only complained a little. I felt for him because I know he was so excited to wind down by the fire. His energy was directed at me the whole time.

    One moment I thought it wasn’t…I felt separated from him and nervous in my belly. Flashback feelings of another man another time. A man who would have hamdled things much differently…

    Near the end of the last day of the festival we were flying! Having a great time. Hand in hand. All smiles.The happiest couple there and I took notice of people taking notice of us. “Baby, have you noticed people stare at us!?” “Yeah. Cause we’re awesome!” *giggles* Not even 5 minutes later a really cute girl approached G and began talking to him. Like…Really engaging him in conversation. Which felt sharp and annoying because we were very close and holding hands. An obvious couple. To his credit I would not say he was flirting. But she was. Asking him questions and touching him. Leaning back (sh!t you not). A real attempt to draw him away.

    My reaction…

    At first I started to breathe to calm down. I could feel dark feelings rising and gaining strength and power exponentially. I could feel a serious rant coming on. You know the kind…”B!tch, what the f*ck is wrong with you?”. I kept breathing. I sucked power and good feelings from the air around me. I stepped back (forward actually) about 3 paces away from them. I stood there breathing. Positive thoughts. “You are beautiful. You are having an amazing time. You are positive energy.”

    I walked away. In that moment it was the right thing to do. I said nothing. I did not look at them. I just turned around and walked. I got about 20 paces before I got a text.

    “Hey! Where’d you go??”.

    “I felt weird staying there so I moved. I’m by the fence!”

    And he came to me. The whole thing didn’t even last 5 minutes.

    When we came together in the field I leaned way back. He put his hands around my waiste and said “Baby, are you ok? You disappeared and I was worried…”

    “I feel fine now. I just felt weird when you were talking to that girl so I moved away.”

    He kissed me. Long and deep and it felt as if we were the only people on the planet. I know in the past I would have gotten angry and either started something, or stormed off to stew and build my anger. Instead I breathed and calmed down and simply removed myself from a scenario that made it difficult to hang onto my good feelings.

    What I noticed is my mindframe changed everything. G did nothing wrong. He is a friendly guy and if someone (guy or girl) engages him he talks to them. It’s a wonderful quality. Getting angry at him would have been more than useless. It would have been poisonous to our good time. Getting angry at the girl would have been equally bad. I would have looked like a raving green monster. In actual fact that girl had nothing on me in those moments. She was just a scavenger trying to get a piece of my pie. When I removed myself it literally lifted me up! I was not concerned with what he was doing or saying to the girl. I was only concerned with my own comfort.

    I’m feeling proud of me.



  300.  #300Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Hi FW 177 ‘I find myself questioning Daria’s integrity for seemingly encouraging this situation’

    How do you see her doing that? My understanding is she is encouraging radlove’s expression of her femininity with the man in front of her.

    I don’t see that either Daria or Rori encourage any of us to lean forward at all physically or emotionally but rather to respond.

    I’m feeling apologetic now I’m not meaning to be combative with you or pedantic. I’m afraid now you will read my words and hold them against me …. I want to understand you and see what you see, to see it from your perspective and see something I can’t see.

    Sigh.



  301.  #301Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Ruth

    Wow! 200 marathons! I am so impressed – that is super amazing!

    I have done 2 half marathons, and I have another one coming up in October – The Royal Parks – and I’ll be proud of myself just doing that!

    Wow, you deserve to treat yourself..



  302.  #302Tam on August 28, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Helloooo Smile 🙂

    Welcome back Miss Stix!!



  303.  #303Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:21 am

    Ruth 295- awesome photos! Amazing siren 🙂 thanks for sharing them.

    I’m shifting your energy into getting stuff done mode. Im ready to do jobs I’ve been putting off for a while as they feel boring to me. Like the recycling!!!



  304.  #304ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Miss stix, that felt powerful to read

    A real use of the tools in a tricky situation

    300 Rebecca-Id LOVE to do the Royal Parks half one day.Saturdays marathon was down the Thames towpath

    (if i treat myself any more i shall explode like one of those geese)

    😉



  305.  #305Turquoise on August 28, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Thank you FW… I realized I’m frustrated with myself, not him. That possibly I am trying to seem ok with taking it slow and seeing where things go… When my impatient side really does want to know what will happen, if he’s right for me. I feel much better now.

    Radlove, you know I see a lot of similarities in us right??? I feel you are a more extreme version of my intenseness and impatience because of the difficult life you’ve had and lack of awesome relationships. PLEASE DON’T BE OFFENDED. My point in sharing this is that sweetie…. I have come SUCH. A long way and I BELIEVE IN YOU!!!! Hang in there babe! We only want you to be happy!



  306.  #306Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Hi tam!

    Ive just been to see my letting agent to tell him I won’t be renewing my contract. I could feel the butterflies and anxiety whilst I was telling him. When I came out I felt excited. My next chapter feels closer. I feel excited about what it will bring.



  307.  #307April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Smile,

    Your concern feels edgy in my tummy. Thank you for your care.
    I’m feeling oh so delicate after staying up til 4am listening to Rori’s teleclass.



  308.  #308Tam on August 28, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Next chapters are good!! Mine is coming too..wuhoo!!



  309.  #309ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:25 am

    296
    April Rose

    I feel a bit sad reading that
    When i first came on the blog and you were talking about EM you sounded so in love

    But then you did start to feel uncomfortable, didnt you
    I guess your instincts were correct



  310.  #310Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:25 am

    I can feel the remaining ties that are keeping me attached to strummingman slowly starting to untie. It feels freeing! I feel open to an exciting future!



  311.  #311Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Ruth

    Ooh I’m curious which marathon that was? I was in the Peak District on Saturday wading through knee high bog..



  312.  #312April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:27 am

    bloom-ing

    are you still there?
    I feel edgy and a bit clingy, feel ing lost looking for you,
    let’s talk babies again please..
    oh, its okay. i can calm down..
    i am about to run away, you see



  313.  #313Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 8:27 am

    FW if you can help me with this you will be helping me enormously.

    I often defend like this. I see I am ‘protecting Daria and Radlove’. I don’t need to do this they can do it themselves.

    But I feel I am making you wrong. I do this all the time with Lionman. I want him to see the other perspective. I constantly get between him and others that he fights with wanting to fix it and everyone to feel ok. He just ends up feeling I am disloyal to him.

    FW can you offer me any perspective on this? Thank you.



  314.  #314ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:28 am

    310
    Rebecca-the Thames Meander
    Starts at Kingston, through Richmond park then out to Putney an then back again

    lovely course

    Bogs.Hm.I dread those



  315.  #315ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:29 am

    New chapters feel scary, but in a good way
    hm



  316.  #316Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:29 am

    I feel proud of you to miss stix!



  317.  #317April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Ruth,

    Yes, I remember now, too.
    I wanted to worship that man.

    He will take me out anywhere I want to go.

    He once made a bowl of warm water and washed my feet and afterwards massaged them with soothing oil.

    So it was not true for me to say he is not warm.



  318.  #318Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Ruth

    Great! Sounds fantastic! I can’t ever see myself doing the London Marathon because it’s over subscribed. I would love to do one in London though as it would be so easy for me as I live here.



  319.  #319Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:31 am

    April Rose, reading your going to run away feels dangerous to me. I feel mothering towards you.



  320.  #320April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Dark Horse,

    Rori says do not attempt to fix any unpleasantness.
    Let it be. Let there be natural flow of pleasant and unpleasant times.



  321.  #321Smile on August 28, 2012 at 8:32 am

    I have never been to London. It would feel great to travel there.

    Seems so close yet so far.



  322.  #322bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 8:33 am

    ooh april rose….



  323.  #323bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 8:34 am

    somewhere inside me is a little deer like bambi rising up on its shaky little legs…… & its curious little nose i will follow, despite any “awkwardness” of gait



  324.  #324Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Dark Horse I don’t feel wronged. I practice thinking that everyone’s opinion is right. They might be different so I try to appreciate the difference. I feel comfortable saying “Please help me understand why you feel that way. I see it differently. You are you and I get why you see it that wat. I’d see it that way too if I were you. But I am me so I see it differently”.

    I keep this as a mindset and will share my opinion on issues. Then step away. I let go of the need to have people see things the way I do.



  325.  #325Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Goldenflower – 188 – Funny, I’m writing an article related to this right now. I will post it when finished in a bit.

    Most men want to be left alone when they don’t feel well. They may want you around, but they don’t want you mothering and smothering. If he wants something, he will as for it. You can offer, ONCE.

    Does this help?

    xxoo



  326.  #326April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Smile,

    I am running to the haven of my little home in another town. The lodgers have left, and so it is mine again.
    I feel happy to be gong there. My friends are in that town.
    I have no female friends where I am now. Only the two men, WM and EM, for company.
    I sometimes think I am losing my mind here.

    Can’t wait to go and see the girls!



  327.  #327ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:36 am

    London *is* great!

    Rebecca-there is a marathon each May set entirely in Richmond Park

    Dark Horse-I feel a bit connected to you reading that.I always want to “fix” unpleasantness/dis comfort/conflict-whatever

    The burn out comment earlier maybe relevant here

    tale careof you



  328.  #328ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:36 am

    325
    April Rose that sounds just what you need



  329.  #329bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 8:37 am

    vi, i hear you on a silent little girl. my woman never ever ever speaks. she turns pages in my mind, just pictures… or qualities of light or sensations or just the very faintest idea of a “memory” – just the thickest part in my body. none of the “trimmings” or the details, just the juice



  330.  #330ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:38 am

    324 Dominique

    so true, but so hard to do

    especially when the man in question tells you about all his woes

    its hard to stay leaning back and not go into mother mode



  331.  #331bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 8:42 am

    trying to listen to my woman & she is throwing loud waves at me – UNDERWATER, water crashing, sand swirling & every tiny filament of hair on my body taken up by the chaos of fluid motion – rocks. stone bricks set without mortar. raising up the great monuments. dark wet green – taken in that fluid motion of the wind again. wizards get sea-sick, but i’m thinking maybe witches don’t : )



  332.  #332Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 8:43 am

    MissStix you rock!! That felt powerful to read.

    I have read Rori advise to stand behind him with your hand in his back pocket or softly on his shoulder so he can feel your energy. I would try that next time if I were you.



  333.  #333Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Tam

    Re: violating boundaries – I totally agree. Even if someone just ‘says’ what they want to do to me I feel violated, especially if it has an underlying sexual conotation. I have ‘been’ there with certain men that’s let say were in a position of power over me. Sometimes it ia hard to speak up I feel. I know I am
    ‘too nice’ at times and send out the ‘wrong message’.



  334.  #334Belle on August 28, 2012 at 8:44 am

    255

    I feel defiant and deliciously righteous.
    I wouldn’t want a guy like EMK in a million years, he is so full of himself and continually interprets his wife’s good qualities as meaning something about him.

    It’s totally not my experience that a good man doesn’t have patience for jealousy or insecurity. I just spent a good portion of the weekend with a GOOD man, a man who drove 2500 miles to spend 2 months living on our friend’s couch after her grandson died as an act of service to her and to God, simply to radiate peace and act as a stabilizer during the worst of her grief. He and I were together for 6 years and known each other for 10 and he has the patience of Job and bottomless compassion for insecurity and jealousy. It was through him that I learned that love and compassion for insecurity and jealousy actually heal the wounds that cause them. A GOOD man will love a whole woman, every aspect, no exceptions. A GOOD man knows the value of unconditional love.

    I suspect that EMK is projecting his issues out onto the general population and hasn’t ever stepped outside of his social bubble and been exposed to different types of men. Because *he* mistreated and exploited insecure women, he projects that must be how other men are.

    Trust me on this, if you love your jealousy and insecurity, a good man will, too. Even if you *don’t* love it, a good man will too. You just have to be willing to love and receive a good man and believe he can love the stuff you don’t like and let him in, otherwise you will devalue him and rip him to shreds for having the audacity to love what you hate about yourself.



  335.  #335April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I feel insatiable and feel myself wolfing down your postings ladies they can’t come fast enough
    feed me…give me your heart’s most tasty juices…munch munch yum lick belch…come on keep ’em coming…raaaaagh…..



  336.  #336April Rose on August 28, 2012 at 8:51 am

    …especialy one’s with my name in…come on …write my name…..plee-ease….i will love you……come on….aaaaagh…….will nothing fill me?…..
    …why won’t that man love me?…..hahah ….you only see my baby rage….
    My real rage would blast us all out of cyberspace



  337.  #337Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Thank you April rose and FW.

    FW I hear you saying that you practice thinking that everyone’s opinion is right but I don’t see that in relation to Radlove rather I feel judgement of her.

    But that is just me. And again now I feel tired from thinking and want to sink back into feeling.

    Thinking is becoming too much like hard work!



  338.  #338Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 8:55 am

    What we focus on GROWS



  339.  #339ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:56 am

    April Rose just feel that rage



  340.  #340MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 8:56 am

    242 dark horse

    I would not ask my man to share his feelings. I revel in how endearing it is when he just opens his mouth and out they come. Usually formatted the exact way I say my own feelings. It’s as if he likes it a lot when I do it so he tries it on for size. He’s been soing it more and more. I never ask him to and in fact I never even respond when he does it! My standard reaction is eye contact and a smile. At most I might teasingly say “oh really?” and giggle. Depends on what he says.

    It’s important not to ask in my opinion. I let him ask me how I feel but I never ask him. I will say “How are you?” or “how was your day?”. But never “How do you feel?” or “What did you do today?”.

    I take things even a step further and I never ask “What do you think?” after my FM’s. I do not like prompting. I preferr to allow him to simply fill the silence with whatever words or actions are authentic to him in the moment. I don’t want to say “I don’t like____ It feels ____.” And then prompt him to share his thoughts. I get a much much wider variety of reactions to savor or observe when I don’t ask.

    This may not work for everyone, but I highly recommend it if you have an expressive man.

    It may just be a kiss or hug. It may be a rant, or thoughts. It may be his feelings, or even adorations and statements of his love. It may be silence. Silence can be golden. Once things started to feel intuitive I started to love the occasional silent reaction. I can sit and breathe and think positive thoughs, or get up and walk away. Whatever feels right!



  341.  #341Tam on August 28, 2012 at 8:58 am

    April Rose, I feel amused by your posts 🙂



  342.  #342ruth on August 28, 2012 at 8:58 am

    I am feeling a little envious and frustrated by some of the posts
    Some of you are so in tune with your feelings

    I feel impatient.i want to be able to do that



  343.  #343bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 9:00 am

    april rose !!!!!!!!!!!!



  344.  #344Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 9:01 am

    We are here practicing and encouraging the practice of femininity. I made a statement about what I was experiencing in the moment. I left it there.

    It seems to me Dark Horse that you are now bringing the past into the present. Are you suggesting that I should have remained silent?



  345.  #345Heart on August 28, 2012 at 9:04 am

    OMG – so I went out to get something to eat and I was feeling kind of sad and lost in thought and when I got back there on the steps was an attractive guy…smoking…
    I met my new Neighbour..he’s cute. We chatted for a little while. I hope to run into him again.

    I felt like he was a sign from the Universe saying Men are everywhere – zoom out.
    I feel a little better.

    Daria – No the photo didn’t look romantic. He was not actually in the photo…it was just a picture of the place he was at with the girl and the guy. I felt confused and sad too ….I don’t know how to understand a situation like this..

    Tam -I don’t think he is trying to make me jealoud because its the women that are posting the pictures and tagging him in it….Either way

    Sirens – I feel Awkward Confused and Uncomfy about the whole thing…I feel Sad too…Why did this happen to me…What’s the lesson?
    At the end of the day…I know I can’t let myself see CuddleyGrinch again….and it hurts. The Whole thing just hursts.

    I know Rori says we should be vulnerable and practice expressing ourselves And do that many times but I am still a firm believer in Choosing the people we let ourselves be vulnerable in front of….Not everyone deserves to see us Naked.



  346.  #346sunshine on August 28, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Lately I have been feeling my feelings no matter what they are…I noticed that sometimes I feel uncomfortable around certain men and I want to block them, I dont want to be open to them or receptive, or lean back because I dont feel comfortable. I used to feel first starting with rori that I had to some how force myself to lean back with everyone but I think i was misunderstanding. I now feel my feelings and honor them and if Im resistant, angry, or uncomfortable I honor that too or atleast work on it. Like in the musical group that I play in, the guy next to me was trying to explain to me something I already knew. I dont like suggestions when im in this working environment from another player, and not the leader. I dont like it because im the only girl and I feel that the extra “tips” is just a way to make sure im in my girly place, and so that I am not threatening or competitive. When he tried to explain to me something so obvious I said I already knew that and I feel more comfortable playing it another way. I felt good saying it and not feeling so submissive. I feel good standing my ground and I feel very annoyed when I feel from a man a sense of competition and subtle messages of control…it gets on my nerves and I feel very angry



  347.  #347Smile on August 28, 2012 at 9:08 am

    April Rose

    April Rose

    April Rose



  348.  #348Emoticon on August 28, 2012 at 9:08 am

    FW thanx for the reminder. I need to refocus….



  349.  #349MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 9:09 am

    331 FW

    Thank you! Excellent advice too.

    I may do that in a different moment. In that particular moment I didn’t want to. My hand was in his to begin with and I removed it. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel my energy lol Because it had turned very dark very quickly. I bacame very focused on turning it back to good vibes. Just really acutely focused on myself. I think the removal of my presence must have been powerful because he immediately disengaged to come find me.

    It feels thick and difficult to explain, but it felt like an intrusion on my space and my moment. I trust G 100% so I had no need for him to remember I was there. I could find no positive way to ask her to leave, so I chose to leave. I felt lighter to be removed from the situation sucking away my good vibes.



  350.  #350Smile on August 28, 2012 at 9:09 am

    April Rose, I feel relief you are running to a good safe place, phew lol x



  351.  #351Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Hi April Rose.

    I’m feeling quite nauseous this morning.

    Feeling lots of other feeling too. Feeling too lazy to write them all out.

    Feeling super curious to hear Rori’s take on Radlove’s situation with R. This is something that I have wondered about for a long time. Wishing she would do a blog post on the topic.

    Feeling excited for you to leave town for a bit. Seems like some time away with girlfriends could give a new perspective on the whole situation.

    April rose April rose April rose



  352.  #352Emoticon on August 28, 2012 at 9:11 am

    I feel slightly jealous right now. Not insecure, but jealous.



  353.  #353Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 9:11 am

    I hear you MissStix.



  354.  #354Heart on August 28, 2012 at 9:11 am

    #213 – (((Radlove)))



  355.  #355Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:12 am

    I feel ewwww imagining myself with my hand in his back pocket while he is talking to another woman. Something about that seems really clingy to me.

    I would probably walk away or maybe even go talk to another dude.



  356.  #356sunshine on August 28, 2012 at 9:15 am

    after reading my post I feel judgement on myself that Im somehow being bitchy and not flexible in this situation but…then I feel compassion because seriously this issue is happening a lot in the working music environment. I really feel angry when these men try to tell me what to do and they have no authority. In another group every time i would try to improvise the man next to me improvised louder every time. I feel so annoyed I wondered if maybe he was showing off and it could be somehow a way to “woo” me ( feeling judgement of being conceited since I dont know) anyway, it felt incredibly annoying ts as if he was trying to show stop me, or as they say “you got served”…however it was for our church service how rude!



  357.  #357Heart on August 28, 2012 at 9:16 am

    #345 Sunshine – I think Rori wants us to be comfortable in our own skin and learn to Be Open…It’s great to feel like that….But
    At the end of the day – We can’t be open to all men…Some men are Super Creepy…I would feel totally Icy being open to them…



  358.  #358ruth on August 28, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Miss Stix

    the thing i really loved about your post was when you said you were sucking in the good energy from the air

    I LOVE that



  359.  #359Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 9:16 am

    I have tried it at least twice I can remember in recent times. The last time the woman turned into mushy insecurity. At least that was what it looked like to me and I felt truly powerful. I actually stood there and talked myself out of running. I was standing in front of him and I still feel how his smile created a warm shiver in my stomach when he focussed on me just standing there.



  360.  #360sunshine on August 28, 2012 at 9:16 am

    after reading my post I feel judgement on myself that Im somehow being a “B” and not flexible in this situation but…then I feel compassion because seriously this issue is happening a lot in the working music environment. I really feel angry when these men try to tell me what to do and they have no authority. In another group every time i would try to improvise the man next to me improvised louder every time. I feel so annoyed I wondered if maybe he was showing off and it could be somehow a way to “woo” me ( feeling judgement of being conceited since I dont know) anyway, it felt incredibly annoying ts as if he was trying to show stop me, or as they say “you got served”…however it was for our church service how rude!



  361.  #361Heart on August 28, 2012 at 9:17 am

    icky not Icy



  362.  #362Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:19 am

    345:

    I feel ya, Sunshine. I don’t like to be told how to do things unless I ask.

    I dunno, I’m sure there’s something to practicing being open and letting a man lead us…but in a situation like that, I feel challenged to do so.



  363.  #363Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 9:19 am

    Yes I loved the sucking in the good energy from the air. It felt really like a powerful choice.

    I tend to feel fearful and run in such situations. I have numerous experience of friends getting involved with “my man” because I stepped away or gave up. At least that was my story.



  364.  #364Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:20 am

    Feels more accurate to say, I feel resistant rather than I feel challenged.



  365.  #365bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 9:23 am

    “the woman turned into mushy insecurity”

    this has happened to me when i was in that situation & refused to be any less “Me” or “sensual” & i did end up putting a hand on his shoulder & the girl “freaked out” in my perception lol…. (((women)))



  366.  #366Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:24 am

    I’m gonna experiment with different approaches to that kind of situation (when he is talking with another woman) and see how they all feel.

    I’m feeling curious.



  367.  #367sunshine on August 28, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Laughing Goddess thanks for your feedback, yeah I just feel so annoyed i would say resistant is a good word too. I even felt that way with my lessons teacher i told him I had some great gig opportunities, thinking he would be excited and encouraging. instead he made a face like biting into a sour lemon, and said yeah maybe you should just sit in rehearsals and watch for a while first. I was like ??? I went ahead and did it anyway and told him I felt weird because I want to feel encouraged and that my teacher believes in me. So far its been going great playing in these groups and they keep calling me/ texting me to continue to play with them. i feel annoyed that just because im respectful, feminine, and calm that Im some kind of girly pushover and not capable. ughhhh I feel a little warm fire right in between my stomach and chest and feeling like I want to burp.



  368.  #368ruth on August 28, 2012 at 9:27 am

    359
    heart
    I quite liked icy

    it feels appropriate



  369.  #369Heart on August 28, 2012 at 9:28 am

    April Rose – I love the world you spin for us..

    I wrote your name! Luv me!



  370.  #370Heart on August 28, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Ruth….LOL #366



  371.  #371Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:32 am

    I do love the feeling when he comes chasing after me when I walk away.

    Sometimes I’ll stay and be friendly with her too.

    Sometimes I will kiss him on the cheek and say “babe, I’m gonna run to the ladies room”.

    I really feel so much trust for him that it’s not much of an issue.

    I think it something about the hand in the back pocket that triggers me. I see a vague image from the past of a hand in the pocket and I feel shivers running up my spine.

    It’s that particular image that triggers me, not the idea of standing my ground though.

    Hmmmm, interesting. I wonder where this is coming from.

    Feels like a very distant memory.



  372.  #372Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 9:32 am

    LG I noticed myself talking myself out of walking away out of fear. I find it amazing how these conversations happen so quickly in my head. I can also tell you that I went from shocked to insecure to defiant to confident and powerful.



  373.  #373bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 9:33 am

    wow, i looked at the pictures of daria dancing…. & i’m feeling so moved & empowered



  374.  #374Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 9:33 am

    This blog is amazing. Thank you miss stix. Not sure if you saw my other post about loving your vibe and I googled Squamish and i want to go too!

    FW thank you. No I did not mean to suggest you be silent. It just felt harsh to me and maybe there was a kinder way to say it. Sorry. Now I’m judging.

    I liked what you said about standing there and feeling the fear. I always remove myself always. It has not necessarily served me well. It would feel really scary to me to state with my presence ‘this is my man’ … And I don’t want to feel powerful over other women it feels like the tables could be turned and they would have power over me. In my attempt to be so understanding and so compassionate to other women I find myself in power struggles with these women. It’s something I want to heal.



  375.  #375ruth on August 28, 2012 at 9:34 am

    365 Sunshine

    I wpuld turn into a boy in that situ too
    How very *dare* they

    grrrrrrrr



  376.  #376Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:41 am

    For me, it’s not really walking away out of fear but more out of boredom. If I don’t feel included in the conversation, then I’m gonna go do something more fun for me.

    This feels empowering.



  377.  #377sunshine on August 28, 2012 at 9:43 am

    thanks Ruth, yes and sometimes when I am a boy in these situations I feel good, strong and refreshed when i speak up about things with feeling messages:)

    Dark Horse i feel compassion about you stating that in your process to feel compassion and understanding that you feel power struggles. I hope that you continue because it feels nice to see you and others on the blog to have an honest/genuine care for each other…even if there are misunderstandings along the way



  378.  #378Belle on August 28, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Radlove

    Last night I was meditating and I feel somewhat ashamed to say that my agenda for posting was to attempt make you feel ashamed for thinking of R in that way.

    Reflecting back at my the conflict and shame I feel for utterly loving a man who is unwilling or unable to be honest about loving more than one woman and the feelings I feel for him despite all logic and reason.

    I feel so tender and sensitive this morning.
    Tears at the ready, my heart feels more open.
    I felt surrendered to blissing out on thinking about C and all of the delicious, happy, yummy feelings I feel when I think of him, I felt so blissed I had my arms wrapped around myself and was practically drooling. I just let my heart lead and let myself love what I love.

    I felt and released some grief from a relationship 18 years ago, not just the heartbreak from him shutting me out but the agony of losing his mother in the process, too, who I adored and remembering how good it feels to love them both so very very much despite everything that happened.

    I feel deep love and gratitude again for my lover who recently visited (the GOOD man mentioned above) and felt my heart go soft and melty for him, feeling my heart shine and my chest swell with pride for who we are to each other and who he is in the world and deep appreciation for the security I feel in his love for me.

    I feel more confidence than ever that I will have what I want and need in this life, I feel melty and warm thinking about how my “love tribe” is coming together. Heart swelling, joy bubbling …little girl laughing, “I can love whoever I want and as many men as I want!”

    Non-monagamy *my* way, that works for me, if I let it and stop judging myself already.

    Hugs and hugs and hugs to me.



  379.  #379Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Laughing Goddess

    I too would love to hear Rori’s take on Rad loves situation. Purely because I want to get some clarity on what actually constitutes leaning forward? Saying things like wanting a man to fall dick first onto me etc sounds leany forwardy to me? I’m not sure what to think etc. I hope she clarifies as to whether sex talk is okay if you’re not in a relationship with someone. My understanding is it’s not, as it could be interppreted as leaning forward.. Hmmm… I am confused..



  380.  #380Maria on August 28, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Hi Rori,
    I am losing my patience with this guy. We have been living together now for over a month and though we sleep naked in the same bed every night he doesn’t touch me or kiss me. If we kiss it is because I kiss him or hug him. He always accepts, but he never initiates. Sex is infrequent. I’m lucky if we have sex once a week. Sometimes it goes into two weeks of no intimacy. I have stopeed asking him about it. And have left it up to him when he wants to, but I need more. I want a consistent free flow of love and affection.
    When we have talked about our relationship his says that he needs to see through my actions that I really do respect him as an individual. That I consider him and his feelings over mine if I’m to get what I want out of this relationship, so I try my best to respect him as an indiviual and let just be him. I’ve been doing this. He is a great guy in so many ways. He is generous and thoughtful. He kisses me on the forehead every morning before he leaves for work. He brought me orchids yesterday as a surprise as it was my first day at a new job teaching. We have fun plans for the weekend so I don’t want to rock the boat by bringing up my needs, but I’m losing my patience.
    He says I’m his girlfriend, but he never initiates touch.
    I’m trying to stay focused on myself, my new job, going out with friends, doing stuff with my son when he’s here on the weekends. I try to maintain a positive disposition.
    I feel that the thing that will get him to step up to the plate a bit more is to feel that he may lose me. But I don’t know how to go about creating this shift when the dynamic is that I live with him. And living here, despite my unmet needs is very pleasant and peaceful. But I’m feeling a bit starved in the love department. I have a feeling he has done this to girlfriends in the past. Starved them of love until they left.
    I want him to see and appreciate me as the goddess I believe I am, but it’s just not happening. I’d love some guidance on how to inspire him to “see” me and want me and stop starving our relationship.
    Starved,
    Maru



  381.  #381MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Hey dark horse!

    Trying really hard to catch up! 🙂

    If you ever get a chance go for sure! Gawd it’s gorgeous! Halfway between Van and whistler. Whistler is even better! The festival is amazing too but it’s really the atmosphere that’s the best part.



  382.  #382Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Sunshine: I have encountered that as well in the music industry. One thing that I appreciate about my band is that we have almost as many women as men and the women we have are super sexy and powerful. I feel happy to have that (almost) balance.

    We did have a situation at one of our shows recently where we were on a small stage and a bunch of us women ended up in the back. The audience couldn’t see us at all.

    And all of us women go out of our way to look really good for the shows. And instead we had these kind of sloppy looking men in the front. It felt really strange.

    And some people in the audience were wondering why we would put these sloppy guys in front and hide all the gorgeous women in the back.

    I have to agree. Hopefully we can get that straightened out.

    It also doesn’t make sense because they are taller, so if they are in the back, they can still see and be seen, where we were totally hidden.

    No likey.



  383.  #383Belle on August 28, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Radlove

    Oh and btw I feel touched and soft and tender at the way you responded to my barb with softness.
    Bubbling tears and smiles…
    I feel gratitude, thank you.



  384.  #384Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Hi Maria,

    I am just wondering if you have shared that you are the kinda girl who needs to be touched regularly to feel really loved?



  385.  #385MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Oh…

    I did not run away from the situation out of fear or anger…I wouldn’t even call it “running”. It was for myself and about myself.

    I removed myself from the situation to relieve the bad feelings and gain clarity and space. I wasn’t even thinking about what he would do after I moved away (I say moved away because I did not run far and fast. I walked slowly about 40 feet away and stood there.) It was the right thing to do for myself to feel good again.



  386.  #386Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Rebecca: Yes, it would feel so great to get some clarity from Rori, especially because so many people seem to feel triggered by the situation.

    I feel lots of love and appreciation for Radlove. And see her huge heart and wish for her happiness.

    I do feel deeply triggered reading about some of the things going on with her and R.

    I’ve really refrained from mentioning it for quite a while now because in the past I felt like I have pushed too hard and it wasn’t helpful.

    At this point, I don’t really know what to say. It would feel so great to hear Rori’s perspective.



  387.  #387Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Sunshine: I feel happy to read that you communicated to band leader guy that you want to feel supported. That feels empowering!



  388.  #388ruth on August 28, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Radlove inspires just what her name says, doesnt she?



  389.  #389Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I would love to hear Rori’s real perspective on it too because I have found the silence on both her part and particularly Dominique’s almost deafening. At the same time I have felt conflicted about putting them on the spot to write address it. It seems like reaching out to the get the right way and to make one wrong rather than just being with what is.



  390.  #390Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Miss Stix: so glad to hear you had fun this weekend.

    I don’t know if you saw my post from a while back, right when you were leaving, but going to music festivals is one of my favorite things!!!



  391.  #391Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 10:09 am

    ruth – 329 – You can get used to it. It takes practice like anything else. Awareness is key.

    xxoo



  392.  #392Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Laughing Goddess

    Yes, that’s how I feel. I don’t want to cause problems or offend I am just feeling triggered and not sure what to make of it all. I hope Rori offers some clarity.



  393.  #393Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

    FW

    Yes, there definately seems to be an element of silence around this topic. I am feeling very uncertain about things.



  394.  #394Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Ruth 386

    True, true

    (from my perspective, that is)



  395.  #395ruth on August 28, 2012 at 10:12 am

    389 Dominique
    thank you
    I did have occasion to do exactly that this weekend
    A litany of worries and a cancelled arrangement because of it

    A *lot* of tongue biting and sitting on my hands was required

    yes, awareness *is* key

    I wanted so much to reach out and “help”

    But its just caused frustration in the past.I tried to remember that
    Phew it felt difficult



  396.  #396ruth on August 28, 2012 at 10:15 am

    I feel weird talking about radlove when she isnt here

    To me she seems *so* strong and full of passion with such a big heart and i *so* want her to have the love that she deserves

    I dont know if that is with R
    it feels so complex to me

    i am certainly not feeling neutral about the situation



  397.  #397MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 10:19 am

    388 laughing goddess

    Ah me too! The vibes and people. Sounds, smells, lights, sun and moon and stars and music.

    I said to G when we got home the I felt a little deflated and sad that it was over. He’s promising 2 festivals next year 😀 Shambala and Squamish. I’m already excited!



  398.  #398Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 10:21 am

    For me, wanting to hear Rori’s perspective isn’t about making anyone wrong because in my experience she doesn’t do that. She is one of the most fair and balanced persons (?) I have ever encountered.

    For me, it’s more about learning to support a person in a situation I feel triggered by.

    I feel so much appreciation for Rori right now. I recently had an interaction with her and she was so incredibly understanding and supportive and yes, I just really trust her and her perspective.



  399.  #399Laughing goddess on August 28, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Oooooh Miss Stix, I’ve heard Shambala is amazing. A friend of mine who plays at tons of festivals recently returned from it and said it was his absolute favorite.



  400.  #400Heart on August 28, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Sirens – should I walk away from CuddleyGrinch? Is it to early to make such a decision..

    I feel scared I’m just doing it to 1) Punish him or 2) Have him chase after me like a lap dog.

    I don’t want to Walk away from someone because I-have-an-agenda….I want to do it because I believe I am worth more…

    But it’s difficult to know what exactly is motivating me at this point.



  401.  #401Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Ruth

    Maybe I should remain silent… I will think about this… I guess I am just feeling icky.. I feel like I need to process it all for me so I can heal. I want to heal too… I feel a lost voice on the blog.. I feel weak and meak..



  402.  #402ruth on August 28, 2012 at 10:26 am

    399
    Nah rebecca, all our opinions are valid/worthy

    keep talking

    heart, cant you just step back for a bit and sink into your feelings.Nothing needs to be so balck and white does it?.See how you feel



  403.  #403luzydel on August 28, 2012 at 10:28 am

    I do not want to obsessed over a man, I know D for over a year and he really hasn’t done anything spectacular. I don’t want an imaginary relationship yuck, they are draining. I am emailing 4 guys at POF, but they are not real CD’s until I meet them.

    D can stay around and talk to me, and I can practice being open with him, but the ball is ins his court, he is the one who has to make things happen, because I know I am ready and willing….

    I don’t want to spend years or even moths waiting on a guy, I feel san thinking about that, thinking that I may not be good enough for more than crumbs for a man, because that is not true, there are men out there willing to give me a whole meal, I just have to meet them.



  404.  #404Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Femininewoman – I have mostly kept out of this discussion for a few reasons. I did finally address this though a bit last thread. It may have been at the end of it?

    xxoo



  405.  #405Smile on August 28, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Heart 394

    Lean back, make yourself busy, when he initiates respond in feeling messages. Offer your needs.



  406.  #406MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 10:39 am

    LG

    I have heard great things about shambala! I’ve never been and neither has G. He has always wanted to go though. More expensive than squamish but well worth it from what I hear!



  407.  #407Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Thank you sunshine! I was talking about in my life too where I wanted to be compassionate and offer friendship but really a few women wanted to try to get my man! I felt o hurt so I walked away.

    Ruth its so true! I too don’t want to talk about Radlove when she is not here. Radlove when you get back from your mom I want to say that you are one of the reasons I kept coming back to this blog over a three year period. I’ve watched your progress over those years and have learned so much from your experiences.

    I would also say to you that if you have experience of working with autistic, mentally handicapped and emotionally disturbed children then your patience skills are most likely highly developed as well as your ability to see beyond labels. I may not agree with everything you say or do but I see your huge caring heart and I wish you everything you could wish for yourself.

    Miss stix I think it was your prepping for the festival that I liked so much painting your toenails! I would love to go to a festival like this and feel really cared for by my man. I was at one a long time ago with someone and it felt like they were just out for their own enjoyment and it felt really horrible to me. I felt abandoned. I would like to heal this.



  408.  #408Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Ruth

    I’ve tried leaning back, but am now wanting to speak my mind. What do you think?



  409.  #409Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Sorry Ruth! I realise I had misread your comment. Ignore my previous post!



  410.  #410luzydel on August 28, 2012 at 10:44 am

    This is a quote from the movie recommended on this blog…

    “Sadness be gone, let’s be people who deserve to be loved, who are worthy, cause we are worthy”



  411.  #411Smile on August 28, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Heart I meant re 398 x



  412.  #412ruth on August 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

    hey rebecca
    I feel a bit confused?

    Do you mean about radlove or generally?

    Reaply will be delayed as its time to do the recovery plod



  413.  #413Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Dominique I do remember seeing this about sharing details.

    ” Dominique says:
    Radlove – There are always exceptions to rules though these are not rules, simply guidelines.

    The concern I have is not that you share all of these details with him, for it’s wonderful to have someone with whom to do this. My concern is that doing this is usually not conducive to romantic love relationships.

    Again there are always exceptions. You have to do what YOU think is best for YOU.”



  414.  #414Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

    I will say this though; it’s irrelevant how I or anyone else feels or thinks about her situation. What is important here is that this is here in front of her, stark and vividly real, poignant and painful, wonderful and achingly frustrating, as a great lesson, no matter how it all plays out. There is opportunity for tremendous growth and healing here.

    xxoo



  415.  #415Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:50 am

    Sorry Ruth! I misread your comment! I thought your comment to heart was to me!

    Thank you for your comment to me, it feels nice to be validated! 🙂



  416.  #416Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Dominique

    I still feel icky reading the sexting (sex texting) stuff as it all feels like come ons and leaning forward and not what Rori is telling us to do at all. I am feeling confused.

    I notice with men if I talk about ‘sex’ it most definately gets their attention and their ears prick up and they are like.. Ummmm tell me more… And then it leads to a friends with benefits situation in my opinion which I thought Rori was against.



  417.  #417Smile on August 28, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Rebecca, 413

    I find that interesting. I’ve noticed I often get you mixed up with heart when reading posts? I wonder if your vibe is similar?



  418.  #418Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 10:56 am

    If we share stuff on here we are going to get responses…



  419.  #419Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 10:58 am

    I see your point Dominique.



  420.  #420luzydel on August 28, 2012 at 11:00 am

    My last one and then I’ll go to paint the streets with colors and a smile…

    “It’s not easy to be adored, you in particular, you have a tougher time with it than most, I get that, but I want you to give it a try. Think of it as an experiment. I promise I will be very wonderful at adoring you Annie. It’s an area where, I think I got a great deal of talent.

    You’re worth the adoration Annie, your worth it, and the fact that you don’t believe it, has nothing to do with weather it’s true or not, it is true for me, and that is all that matters. ”

    If a man says that to me, he’s a keeper…



  421.  #421Tam on August 28, 2012 at 11:00 am

    I have also wondered what Dominique and Rori would say about the ‘R’ situation. Not for making anyone ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ but for advice. I believe it’s a situation we’ve all been in to various degrees and the reason I came to this blog. So it would feel good to have the ‘guidelines’ refreshed. What we individually do with it is up to us, of course, as only we can see our situations. And only Radlove knows her situation fully. Nevertheless, isn’t that kind of advice why we are here? We are here to learn and help each other…



  422.  #422Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Hmm, I’m feeling a bit sad that ex of two years has not contacted me yet.

    Maybe this is just me feeling insecure and wanting man attention…

    I’ll stay feeling positive, law of attraction and all that… But these are not genuine feelings 🙁



  423.  #423Heart on August 28, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Ruth – thanks for the advice…I think you’re right

    403 – Smile..well he asked me out and I said I would have to see if we could go cuz I might be getting sick…
    So there is nothing to really lean back from….I kinda have to decide if I want to go out with him soon…I have no needs at this point…I’m just Confused by him…



  424.  #424Laughing Goddess on August 28, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I’m noticing that I feel triggered reading that it is irrelevant how anyone else feels because my feelings ARE very relevant to me, even if these feelings are just in response to observing another person’s situation.

    They are still my feelings and I feel them very strongly in my body. They are relevant to me.

    I don’t want to be dismissed.



  425.  #425Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Heart, how does he make you feel?



  426.  #426Tam on August 28, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Smile, he will turn up when you least expect it- that’s how it happens for me.

    I also miss not hearing from MrP, but not even tempted to reach out. They just had the storm, which previously I’d have used as an excuse to get into touch. Not anymore. His loss he doesn’t get to hear my delicious feeling messages…. 🙂
    I almost feel a bit sorry for him. He usually interprets my silence as rejection/not being interested, but even that doesn’t make me want to lean fwd.

    Plent of CD’s contacting me every day. Nice way to find out who is a little into me. Now he has to step up or lose me.



  427.  #427Laughing Goddess on August 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Although I do understand Dominique’s point that this is very up close and personal for Radlove and I do see that there has already been lots of growth and progress.

    I still think that I have a right to feel whatever I feel when I read things on here. And it doesn’t feel good to bury or dismiss that.

    I don’t think I have a right to attack or judge, which I don’t think I have done in a long time. But I do have a right to feel.



  428.  #428Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I just want clarity on the sex texting and sharing sexual desires etc outside of a relationship. It feels like leaning forward a huge amount to me..



  429.  #429Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 11:10 am

    LG/Dominique for me “in response to” and “about” holds different connotations. The thoughts generates the feelings.



  430.  #430Laughing Goddess on August 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I don’t want to be dismissed. I notice that I feel very angry when I perceive that that is happening.

    I feel my wild, Kali-ma warrior woman spinning inside of me like a tornado.



  431.  #431MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Dark horse

    Uh huh I feel you! Ex husband was not so attentive, and I felt abandoned many times when I was with him. I went with him to a rock concert once. This particular story was after our separation and just as friends but it was same old same old. he left me by myself for over an hour to sneak up front and go into the mosh pit. Then when he finally came back I found out he had bought someone’s wrist band. I really wanted to go into the mosh pit myself (I love crazy new experiences) but he only had one wrist band. He told me he was sorry he couldn’t get me in but he was gonna go back! 😮 I said literally “F*ck that! I’ll get my dam self in!” and I did! And I ended up with about 5 big guys in a circle “protecting” me from the mosh and gently bouncing me around. 🙂 Too much fun! He tried to have sex with me later that night when we got home. (he had moved into my spare room temporarily after he lost his job) I denied him.

    I felt in control and it affirmed my healing process at that point. I make my own fun. I rely on myself to feel good. Hmmm that was october of 2010. I met G in December.



  432.  #432Tam on August 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Rebecca, much like you I’d also like to know if talk about sex with a man who says he only wants friendship (sexting or talking) is good or not so much. It’s directly relevant to me.
    I have done it, he has done it too, and even asked me what women like in the bedroom.
    I would like to know how to handle the topic also.



  433.  #433P-lala on August 28, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Luzydel,
    That is how my man talks to me…adoration and worthiness and acceptance. It’s so wonderful and surprising – every day I am reminded that I am a gift.

    Oh K, I will keep you and let you adore me…I love you so.



  434.  #434Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 11:15 am

    P-lala I was thinking about you this morning. Good to see/read you.



  435.  #435Laughing Goddess on August 28, 2012 at 11:17 am

    I feel so intrigued observing the tornado-like energy inside of me when I feel angry. It’s like this being deep in my body rises up from its slumber. Feels very interesting to observe.

    I can literally feel the energy inside of me swirling just like a tornado.

    Fascinating.



  436.  #436Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 11:18 am

    I feel dizzy…



  437.  #437Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Thanks tam,

    I’m feeling like I want to be in contact with more men to stop my fixation on 1 man (or 2 ex boyfriends) lol.

    Maybe this is my feelings telling me I should be dating…

    I feel nervous to make a dating profile just yet.

    I want to wait till I move as I’ll be living in a different area then.

    I’m also still honouring ‘me’ time 🙂



  438.  #438Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Tam

    Is this when you were in the FWB situation with MrP? Sorry if thats too personal..



  439.  #439Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 11:20 am

    The last time a friend who is interested in my romatically sent me sex talk I felt shocked and freaked out to the point of calling a girlfriend to talk the heightened energy out of me. I considered him just being a man but it felt shocking having him refer to my body part. I also kinda thought about the shocking showing up to teach me that I am not 100% comfortable with my sexuality. I did not respond so he called to check if I was okay.

    My poor little heart went into panic. Though he has made it clear that he wants me.



  440.  #440Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Oh tam that’s a good one for me too worrying if he is interpreting my silence as rejection therefore I should reach out and reassure him. Not anymore!

    We talked this morning he called me after a few days of me sitting on my hands not calling I feel he is doing a bit of boundary testing or pushing I tried to stick to feeling messages sometimes I just repeat the same feeling when I don’t know what to say he wanted me to call him later I said it feels better when u call me. He wanted me to go out I said I feel pretty sure I’m staying in today. I said that a few times.

    Actually I am going out now for a little while but to do something healing for myself as I am feeling drained.



  441.  #441luzydel on August 28, 2012 at 11:21 am

    I feel selfish and self centered because I have been just making what I write about me…

    It is an interesting dynamics how we all want to fix another poster from the “obvious” disappointment, how fast we get into controlling, fix it mode, the same way we get with a man. Radlove is a grown up woman, she knows deep inside her own reality and we trying to say something to somehow fix it shows that we also have issues to work on.

    I rather practice showing my own vulnerability, and show that like her I am not perfect. I am not going to give advise, because I am healing as she is and I may get disappointed again, and go back to old habits, we all do. Knowing that she will be fine is good enough to start healing… Let it be!



  442.  #442P-lala on August 28, 2012 at 11:22 am

    FW – thank you! I’ve been lurking around but rarely have time to fully engage. It feels neglectful to comment and disappear so I haven’t been commenting much. You all are helping me keep in track with K though. Just reading your words remind me of who I am and helps me know I am not alone out here learning how to do relationship with a good man.

    I hope you’re doing well, FW. <3



  443.  #443Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 11:23 am

    FW

    Lol, most men will given half the chance 🙂

    That is my experience anyway.



  444.  #444Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 11:26 am

    ..and believe me they are not thinking deep and meaningful thoughts at that point. They are thinking about getting ‘their’ needs met. Well that is what I believe.



  445.  #445Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Rebecca – 414 – And I apologize Radlove for talking about you when you are not here.

    In a typical situation, the sexting would not be appropriate. This is usually reserved for those in relationship. But then most women would not feel comfortable going there anyway.

    Yet Radlove has a history with this man, a long one as well as a sexual one even though they did not have intercourse.

    If she were my client, I would likely suggest she refrain, YET she is experimenting, trying on new wings. She feels comfortable doing this, and he has not rejected her texts. They seem to have a very clear boundary around this which is unique to them and their situation.

    Does this help clarify things?

    xxoo



  446.  #446Tam on August 28, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Rebecca, no it was after I told him that I did not want to be in a quasi relationship and created the boundary ‘no sex’. We still kissed and fooled around a little but basically that’s how it was the last time I was there. We still talked about it and joked about it though and I am wondering what to do next time, if it comes up again.
    I mean, if he asks me what I like in bed – that’s a very personal question….



  447.  #447MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 11:28 am

    I don’t know how i’d feel about sex talk…None of my male friends have ever tried to step over that boundary. But RE my above story where ex hubby tried to have sex with me…I felt angry and violated. I really and truely did think of him as just a friend at that time. I don’t remember my exact words but we were laying on my bed and I was talking about how much fun I had in the mosh pit and he rather quickly kissed me and at the same time pulled down my shirt exposing my breasts. I shot up and told him to get the he11 out of my bedroom or something along those lines. He looked very hurt and embarrassed and apologized. I remember gentling a little and telling him he no longer had the right to just jump me. We were friends now and friends don’t do that.



  448.  #448Calypso on August 28, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Wow ~ JC just texted to say: “I plan on chasing you as long as you will let me” . . .

    I don’t quite know what to make of this man. I sort of feel like telling him that I have intimacy issues, just talking it out with him some time in person – before we get too involved, have sex, etc. I don’t know . . . it would just be nice to lay it all out there for once.



  449.  #449Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Hm, am I feeling resistant to meeting new men?



  450.  #450Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 11:31 am

    Laughing Goddess – 422 – Your feelings are VERY important, to you, and you need to feel them as deeply as you can. For R as they relate to her situation, they are not so much relevant to her. How SHE feels is.

    I may not have phrased this too well, so I apologize for any confusion.

    xxoo



  451.  #451Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:35 am

    There was a time a few months ago when pretty much all texting conversations with strummingman turned sexual. He would pick upon the smallest thing and make it sexual. A few times – pre Rori, I fell for it and thought he was showing interest in getting back with me. Now I have learnt that men do not relate the same feelings/ connections as women do.

    I actually still have all my conversations from strumming man on my I phone. I just read back through them and felt totally turned off. Now I’m not in the moment I can see the messages for what they were. ‘satisfying needs’ even though he didn’t not intend to make me feel ‘used’.



  452.  #452Dark horse on August 28, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Luzydel 439 such wisdom I loved reading this.

    Dominique i really enjoyed reading what you said and how you said it in 443.



  453.  #453Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:44 am

    He the word sexting makes me feel giggly, I’ve not heard it called this before.



  454.  #454ruth on August 28, 2012 at 11:44 am

    WOW

    There is a powerful feminine vibe on here tonight

    ooh, i feel overwhelmed by it and yet compelled to stay

    But i cant
    i have chores to do and dinner to cook

    The vibe feels raw, earthy and dark purple to me

    woo



  455.  #455Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:47 am

    I wonder if my actions are helping or hindering me?

    I’m purposely triggering myself to bring up feelings, each time I do it… Like look on Facebook, read text messages, the trigger doesn’t last as long… I feel like it’s helping me move on…

    I remember reading something about this from Rori but I can’t remember if she said to do it or not to do it?



  456.  #456bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

    i saw a vens diagram of “purpose:”

    what you love
    what the world needs
    what the world will pay for
    what you do well



  457.  #457Smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

    I love having the blog on my phone. I can read whilst I wait for the kettle to boil or whilst my tea is in the oven.



  458.  #458ruth on August 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

    453 Smile
    yes she deliberately triggers in reconnect and walks through it



  459.  #459bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

    lol *venn



  460.  #460bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 11:50 am

    ruth, it’s that crazy indigo lol ! it’s spreading : )



  461.  #461Laughing Goddess on August 28, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Dominique: Thanks for clarifying and I do really get where you are coming from.

    It’s just that I have refrained from commenting on this subject for quite a while because I didn’t want to give advice or let my own personal triggers color the situation.

    And finally today, I simply said that I feel curious what advice would give, and you too, even though I didn’t say that specifically.

    And that is really how I feel, curious. And I don’t want to be made wrong for feeling that way. Not to say that that is what you are doing…



  462.  #462Laughing Goddess on August 28, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Edit***

    And finally today, I simply said that I feel curious what advice Rori would give, and you too, even though I didn’t say that



  463.  #463ruth on August 28, 2012 at 11:52 am

    458
    Bloom-ing

    EEK!

    I never even thought of that
    it was just what i felt-a sort of inky earthiness

    Oh help, i feel silly and flaky writing that but i shall leave it

    Time to cook



  464.  #464smile on August 28, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Thanks Ruth

    When I move I will have money to invest in more of Roris work.

    I feel excited!



  465.  #465Tam on August 28, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Smile, about the triggers, I do the same, but have always done it…..not to heal, just to be judgmental about the man and push him out of my life/brain. All to do with my fear of intimacy. I took the triggers and used them against the man…
    Trying to shift that to make it all about me…



  466.  #466Heart on August 28, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Smile – so far he mades me feel good. He is caring, masculine, takes care of me and tries to make me happy.
    He always initiates and his schedule is very Open to me.
    He does all the leaning forward, initiates all the dates and is always wanting to spend time with me.

    But 1) he doesn’t always pay for me and expects to go 60-40.
    I feel uncomfortable with that but he’s a student so…
    2) I don’t think he actually likes me…I feel as if he is just making all the right moves in order to sleep with me.

    3) he has a couple of female friends…

    How do I feel about him? – I feel Angry. I don’t want him near me….I feel repulsed by him kissing me. I feel stupid and sorry for myself and hopeless. I want to protect my little girl and keep her far away from this Weird Guy.



  467.  #467Tam on August 28, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Still, I like to get triggered now and use it to heal, i e feeling uncomfortable and realising it’s my issues doing it. Liberating



  468.  #468bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 11:58 am

    : ))))) !!!!!!!!!!! i feel happy : )

    thank you – more please! hehe



  469.  #469Heart on August 28, 2012 at 11:59 am

    CuddleyGrinch will now be renamed WeirdGuy.



  470.  #470Tam on August 28, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Heart, then it seems ok to walk away from him?! I probably would too. Next! 🙂



  471.  #471MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Radlove

    You know how I feel in regard to how things are going for you right now. Of course I worry and wonder if things will go the way you want or need them to with R. I don’t want anyone I care for to be hurt or feel pain.

    Ok how do I get this out there in the right way?

    I feel proud of the changes you have made within yourself. It is wonderful to focus on the good in a man. At the same time I trust that you know and fully understand all the possible downsides. I do not see your positive words on R as “blinded” I actually see them as eyes wide open. You know this man very well. You know all of the possible negativities and positivities and every possible outcome.

    I believe you know that pain and heartache and disappointment are entirely possible. I see you consciously choosing optimism. I feel comfortable seeing this.

    I feel worry when I read “I would die for him” but I also believe you already know exactly why that feels scary. So I choose to let it go and focus on all the great positive changes you have made.

    I felt WAY more worry when I saw you chasing and chasing and being shut out.

    I’m not sure I “get” the fear of others over the sex talk…That feels benign and teasing to me. R fully participates so it’s not scary to me personally. My worries come from an entirely different place than that…But again, you have shown clearly that you have a full understanding of what’s up and are just doing your best to shift into a better place.



  472.  #472Heart on August 28, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    I feel hypocritical too….cuz I met up with Sweettalker and met NewGuy last week…But I’m not being tagged with them on Facebook…That is so Insensitive.



  473.  #473Heart on August 28, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Tam – yea if this feeling stays by tomorrow I’m just telling WeirdGuy I’m too busy too hang out…



  474.  #474bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    heart, i can’t see how it’s him being “insensitive”….. he may not be very “into” facebook, he didn’t “tag” the pictures himself or upload them you said, & you haven’t told him how it made you feel…. so at the very worst, he is “clue-less” it sounds to me…. idk, what do you think?

    it sounds easy to me, (or “easier than” analyzing it & deconstructing it on my own…) to just say, “actually i notice i’m feeling a bit weird & like distancing myself from you right now…. i feel off when i see pictures of a man i’m dating out with other women….. i want to feel special & romanced & pursued, & i don’t feel that way when it seems i’m just one of a crowd… what do you think?”



  475.  #475Heart on August 28, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Blooming – that would take a level of vulnerability I just can’t do right now….I just can’t go there….it scares me and I already feel raw…



  476.  #476Laughing Goddess on August 28, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    I’m noticing that I feel disappointed and concerned that I’m not being gotten. I feel kinda sad about that but also surprisingly okay.

    Awwww hugs to you, LG. I get you. I understand where you are coming from. You are worthy in my book. I don’t need anyone else’s approval to be worthy.

    I am worthy simply because I am…as is everyone.

    Hugs to you, sweet thing.

    Awww, giving love to myself feels so good!!!! Way better than the ever changing approval of others.

    I feel so amazed by how quickly loving myself can shift my vibe.

    Hugs hugs hugs and love to you, LG. you are so precious to me!



  477.  #477Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Dominique

    I really appreciate your response but I don’t see the difference here. To me it seems that ‘sex talk’ is being used as a way to get a mans attention in whatever way shape or form.



  478.  #478bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    heart, rori says dating is “Free Therapy” : ) if you aren’t going to Practice with the men you don’t like…… does that mean you’re going to save up all your issues to process with your One Man ? that sounds…. scary ! lol

    also, the more I Practice something, the stronger it feels in me… so i wouldn’t want to Practice “not being vulnerable”… that sounds similar to “fear of intimacy” which feels really sad to me & difficult…. what do you think?



  479.  #479Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    Laughing Goddess – 🙂

    I also want to say that though you have been back for awhile, I missed you when you were away.

    xxoo



  480.  #480Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Rebecca – I’m sorry, yet I feel confused at your confusion. I’m not sure how else to phrase this. The difference between what?
    xxoo



  481.  #481ruth on August 28, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Laughing goddess
    You seem so together and seem to have it so sussed that i dont know how i could respond to you



  482.  #482ruth on August 28, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    and, yeah, thats my low self esteem talking to you out of the U bend of the toilet

    Sigh



  483.  #483Heart on August 28, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Blooming – But I’m going to try being a little bit vulnerable (not that vulnerable) to WeirdGuy. It’s good practice….
    but at the end of the day

    I
    still
    don’t
    want
    to
    be
    near
    him.

    It doesn’t matter what he says or do…I’m already repulsed.



  484.  #484ruth on August 28, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Rebecca

    Um.Dominique has said that sexting would normally be reserved for those in relationships

    But in radloves case(sorry radlove)-she and R have a long and complex history and so it isnt like doing that with a CD

    I think

    ??



  485.  #485ruth on August 28, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    481
    heart if you feel like that then scarper



  486.  #486MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    (((heart)))

    If you can’t do that level of vulnerability yet you could do something I did when I was dating around…along these lines.

    “I’m not up for spending time today. I’m feeling very emotional and I haven’t worked through it yet.”

    If these pics are triggering you it must go fairly deep. From what i’ve read it looks rather innocent on his part. However, that does not invalidate your feelings! Not at all. They are valid. But if it IS innocent on his part this may be something you have to move through on your own. Otherwise the risk of blame (especially when it’s not warranted) is very real.



  487.  #487Tam on August 28, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Heart, I also drop the ones that don’t make me feel good. I just see it as a waste of time, I’d rather practice with those men that make interaction fun and interesting, not weird.
    I don’t see the point of forcing oneself….sounds too much like work. Find some that you enjoy dating and practicing with.
    School is out, this is life and you get to decide!
    Feels good to me 🙂



  488.  #488bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    heart,

    i don’t know why but i’m feeling really sad reading that…. the

    definitive
    way
    your
    words
    fall

    feels so heavy on my back as a read…. like my whole body fills with cement…..

    i feel so hopeless. so “reaffirmed” in all my dark assumptions. so “confirmed” in my own sense of “right-ness”….. so closed-off & Decided….

    i want to feel curious …. intrigued…. exploratory, bold : ) i want to feel….. Opened-up – sweet, warm, vulnerable. i want to talk my guts out – show someone – hey, look, i took this scalpel & now you can see inside, how everything moves & works & does magic alchemy together…. ! isn’t it neat ???

    lol

    i want to feel Surprised !!!!! : )



  489.  #489Smile on August 28, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    I feel like shouting yikes! I feel like sitting up and paying attention. What have you been thinking! Doing smile! I feel like a bomb has been dropped on me. I can feel my eyes suddenly getting bigger. My heart feels heavy.

    (((( it’s okay smile, it’s all part of the journey. You can take the lesson/ healing from this and jump back on your horse)))

    I feel like I’ve been unfaithful to myself. I’ve just read all my text messages with strumming man since April. They frighten me, I feel fearful. Pre Rori okay, I didn’t know any better. I thought surely they must get better as it gets closer to last week… It’s amazing to see how looking back on the conversation I was thinking I was interacting with feeling but my actions don’t match.

    I feel open to learning SO much more!



  490.  #490Heart on August 28, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Miss Stix – Thank you. I would feel comfortable expresssing myself along those lines. I’ll write something a little like that….
    Belle – Awesome message though…very in tuned. Too naked for me.

    Ruth – lol! kay 🙂



  491.  #491Dominique on August 28, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Yes Rebecca – 482 that’s it, AND they have a history with the sexting and talking about sex in general.

    xxoo



  492.  #492Smile on August 28, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Now I feel calmer, feeling more focused. Feeling more aware. Back on the horse with my new awareness to help me grow emotionally.



  493.  #493Heart on August 28, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Sorry Bloom-ing! Not Belle

    Awesome message Bloom-ing ….I can see you’re really in tuned…



  494.  #494ruth on August 28, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    487
    Smile

    hey, the past is the past and you learn from it and thats good
    But what matters is NOW
    🙂

    ooh that feels good, even to an old lady like me



  495.  #495Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Dominque

    No worries! I am probably not getting my point across properly. Sorry!



  496.  #496Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    You DO NOT want to try to make him feel better. You DO NOT want to try to smooth it over and make it all better for him. This is putting you into masculine energy, doing mode which you already know does not feel good. Not to you. Not to him. You would be in a word emasculating him. For this is HIS job, to fix things.

    You can smile at him though and tell him it seems as though he’s upset or sad or angry. It must have been a trying day. And then you will go about your business, feeling happy, exuding good feeling energy, taking care of you.

    He will talk when he’s ready, and you will LISTEN. That’s all; you will just listen. You CAN “reassure” him or better boost him a bit by telling him you feel confident he will solve his dilemma. And then you listen some more.

    If he asks for your input, exercise caution. Keep your words simple and short, and DO NOT offer to step in or help in any way.

    http://sexandheart.com/how-much-can-you-expect-from-your-man-when-hes-hurting



  497.  #497Tam on August 28, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    487. delete them, Smile, you are done with the past.

    I saw the messages I sent to MrP by accident a few weeks ago, from when he had his busines breakdown and I was chasing him to meet me, and making him wrong for withdrawing. They were soooo long, and soooo bad. And I saw how he tried to still stay in the conversation (bless him) and tried his best to explain himself, but also being very harsh to me……and I kept going. And they are still on fb, on his and mine, so he can still see them too. I felt terrible realising how I had behaved and pushed him into a corner…all pre-Rori. When I read that, I was gobsmacked that he is still here now. A testament to how men ‘turn around on a dime’ and forget quickly.

    I decided never to look at them again.

    The past is past.



  498.  #498ruth on August 28, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    494
    Yes FW

    absolutely

    its hard to do



  499.  #499Tam on August 28, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    ..those messages I m talking about are from almost 2 years ago…still lurking…urgh. I have come suuuuch a long way from 2 years ago. So much happier.



  500.  #500Emerson on August 28, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Today I feel indifferent to my learning process LOL and I’m more in the mode of getting things done.



  501.  #501Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Lol, I feel glad FW seems to get where I am coming from..

    Am feeling tired.. Just been away from the blog now I’m struggling to keep up – apologies if I’ve missed anything



  502.  #502bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    when i was cd-ing, i let the men poof.

    once i said no-thank-you because i felt scared of him (just intuitive tummy, nothing else, but later he did get “creepy” on me).

    once i said no-thank-you because i lied about my age (??? lol) on a dating profile & then went out with someone who was….. idk……. he was “too sad” – it was an awful-feeling date……. i felt horrible for lying to him though & i couldn’t face him with it so i told a different lie about deciding to date someone exclusively…… but i went out with other guys with my “liar” profile & just told them first thing when they messaged me… actually, might have “lied” on the profile cd originally hit me up on… lol – but that was a Safety lie. i felt i got better-feeling results with an older age – fewer Boys, more Men : ) lol

    once i said no-thank-you because he yell-texted at me for not responding quickly & i called him & said i don’t want to meet, i feel unsafe to not be given space & quiet in my own home when i’m alone. & we talked & “made up” as friends, but still i said, no-thank-you i don’t want to meet.

    i used to beg the universe to Poof my annoying CDs lol ……….. but i wanted to Practice being Warm & Open, like radlove says, a warm sandy beach…. lalala sounds lovely : ))

    i think you can say, no-thank-you to a date invitation without saying no-thank-you to the whole man…. & i think few men will stick around for the 5th no-thank-you, so no “worries” about being a “time-waster” – worse to be a “time-pass” …



  503.  #503Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Rebecca you had a great vacation. That’s what is important. Anything passionate you experienced there that you could share?



  504.  #504ruth on August 28, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    500 Blooming

    yeah

    We can be open but we can also exercise the choice to say “no” if its not right or not the right time

    yes



  505.  #505Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    FW

    Are you trying to shut me up hehe 🙂



  506.  #506Smile on August 28, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Tam, Ruth

    Thank you, I’m back in the present. I feel gladness that I did go back and read them as that was a huge realisation for me. I’m not torturing myself though, I feel strong. I feel grateful for the lesson. Actually I found it useful as I could really see where I could have applied roris tools to my situation. The application to my life and my situation feels immense.

    Now im deleting them! Delete!

    Mm a hot chocolate would feel relaxing to drink right now.



  507.  #507Emerson on August 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    164 Radlove thanks for commenting back to me. 🙂

    I feel curious why I feel angry when you mentioned K. I feel protective of you and like “I know it’s not good enough for you” and that’s not my role to make that judgment….

    At any rate it’s nice that you feel you have K, but what can he really give you besides conversation and an ego boost? Also I know he has not treated you well in the past and I feel protective of you (perhaps this is rooted in my tendency for codependency and maybe my need/desire to be “right”)
    Yes K has value as a person and I know he’s been a friend to you…but visiting a sad place (prison) to go see him in person feels bad to me when I think about it…BUT it’s not my place to judge that for you.

    From what I can gather, K is not present in your everyday life like doing normal stuff because he is locked up. I am talking about having a male friend who is in the world in your daily life that can help you with car trouble, meet for coffee, just be with in a light hearted environment.

    Well again I may be totally off base for suggesting this but I feel sad.



  508.  #508Rebecca on August 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Awww feel sad now. Am sure FW had good intentions!

    Yes I had a great trip – I went walking in Derbyshire in the Peak District over very challenging terrain in the thunder and lightening. Some people would think I was mad but I love it!



  509.  #509Smile on August 28, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Rebecca, I have friends who live there. Very beautiful place.



  510.  #510Heart on August 28, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    #486 – Blooming – > it’s my Boy coming out to protect/take care of my girl….

    It’s easy for you to say those things…
    You’re
    not
    the
    one
    who
    is
    hurt.



  511.  #511MissStix on August 28, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Bloom-ing 500

    I like this!

    None of the men I “no thank you”d poofed immediately. Not a single one. Even the ones I wished would poof :p

    Omagosh like one i’ll call him shortmansynrome lol We chatted a lot online/text and I met him once on a friday before he went away for the weekend. He texted me on his way back into town…How are you etc etc and I said

    “How was your weekend?”

    Good lord! He said…

    “Fine. I need sex!”

    o.O

    “Haha I wonder where you’ll get that from?”

    “I don’t know? Wanna come over?”

    I full on told him off yet he still texted me for 2 more days before he gave up.

    Like…Poofplease!!! :p



  512.  #512Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    I am feeling curious Rebecca and wanted you to share some feeling messages about your trip. I was thinking about Reconnect where Rori was talking about sharing your passion.

    “I felt so excited looking at the pictures of my trip. Ifelt so in touch with nature I felt the sky was just coming towards me”.



  513.  #513Heart on August 28, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Tam – lol@School is out…LOL!



  514.  #514Femininewoman on August 28, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    I love to hear/read about nature.



  515.  #515bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    ruth,

    oh, definitely. it feels good to me to say no to things that don’t feel good.

    i’m not saying i went out with everyone who asked me, just that…. most times with most men, it felt good to get a sweet text, a little flirt, a call some quiet night…. so even if i didn’t think they were Just It or if i thought they were Too Young or Too Corporate or whatever…. i still felt yummy & said thank you & enjoyed the little tiny Man-Bits they dropped in my life….. : ) snacks, right ? lol : )



  516.  #516Heart on August 28, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    #509 – Miss Stix….ROFL! tears came to my eyes while reading that….



  517.  #517bloom-ing on August 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    heart,

    i feel kind of confused….

    are you feeling “hurt” …. “because of” the facebook pictures with other women?