A New Script to Replace Your Defensive Responses to Authentic Communication

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Here’s a great comment from Turtle Girl, and I’m going to re-script her conversation with a man…

“Ok-ladies-

NEW PROBLEM…….What to do?

New guy I had one date with calls me:

He says: Uh, are you seeing anyone?

Me: Yes, I date, but, what exactly do you mean and why are you asking?

He says: Well, uh you know.

Me: No, I don’t.

He: Well, is it worth my time to call you?

Me: Do you want to call me?

He: Yes

Me: Well then, call. I am not running off to go get married next week, and if I was deeply involved with anyone, then I would not have had breakfast with you, now would I?

He: Well, ok, good point.

Whew-I dodged THAT bullet- this time.

So-Did I say the right thing? these kind of things totally throw me off, I HAVE NO BOYFRIEND SPEECH made up yet, and that scares me, cause I can just see it coming shortly, one of these guys is gonna want to have me for his girlfriend, shit it always happens that way. Every freaking time. They want me for a freaking girlfriend while they decide what to do with me, just like Rori says. And in the past I always said yes. I am flailing as to how to handle it. ”

And here’s my answer:

Turtle Girl -this is going to be harsh – I want to go soft and gushy here, but I sense you’re a tough chick and that you’d rather hear it from me straight from the shoulder (If I’m wrong, please let me know)):

Okay – I hear your contentiousness. I hear you telling him he’s a fool. I hear you talking to him like he’s 5 – and if you can hear that as I do, and want to change that – everything will change for you.

I know you were caught up – but – my goodness – having a man want you for a girlfriend is a GOOD THING!!!

Say stuff like “I don’t know how to answer that” if you’re feeling unsure, instead of trying to come up with something clever or smart or even coherent.

There’s NO BULLET TO DODGE!!!

He’s trying to find out if you’re hung up on another guy, if you have a main man and “using” him – he’s trying to keep himself safe – he’s NOT trying to do something bad to you.

I want you to REALLY listen for anger in yourself and confess THAT instead of ACTING from it.

Make any sense? So – Here it is – re-scripted!

He says:  Uh, are you seeing anyone?

You:  Uhhhh…I feel…I’m not sure how to answer that…

He:  Uhhh…just…are you seeing anyone…you know…

You:  Ummm..Do you mean…am I seeing someone seriously? Or am I dating anyone at all – besides you?

He says:  Well, uh you know. I … I just want to know.

You:  Ummmm…well…I feel…I’m not seeing anyone seriously. And I feel best not being exclusive with anyone quickly, so I accept a lot of invitations when I get asked out…what do you think about all that?

He: Well, I’m not seeing anyone seriously – and I don’t know how I feel about dating someone who’s dating other guys too. Kinda strange.

You: Yeah. Dating feels weird sometimes. How bout you?

He: So – you want to go out with me again?

You: Sure. I had a good time with you the other night. It would feel good to see you again. (Or, if you don’t want to…say, you know, I feel so awkward, but I don’t feel like we’re a good match, so, no…)

He: Well, okay.

You: Okay.

He: So – how about dinner on Friday?

You: That would feel fun…I…so…are you alright not going steady right off?

He: (laughs) – I’ll think about it.

You: (laughs) That feels good.

He: Well, so how was your day today…?

And here you go into Feeling Messages and “The Good Night Talk” and drift out of the conversation before it goes over 10-15 minutes.

Okay – so I can’t guarantee he’ll answer this way – but I’m willing to bet money it’s close. And you’re being totally honest, totally upfront, and USING the discussion HE STARTED (!) to quickly get a DEEPER connection.

See how every man has a Message? This is Circular Dating. You use every moment to learn how to go deeper and more intimately and personally and authentically and vulnerably and honestly and directly.

It’s a slam-dunk win-win for both of you – and you get to take everything you learn with you into the next moment, the next date, the next conversation, the next man, the next relationship. You get to build. Fresh. Good-feeling. Straightforward. Just YOU – no more defenses.

Let me know how this lands for you –we can do more of this if you like…

Love, Rori

Posted in

124 Comments

  1.  #1Goodheart on April 15, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I really really like this! I thought Turtle Girl’s answer was really good, but now I can see it from the guy’s point of view.



  2.  #2TW on April 15, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Hey Goodheart-

    I have issues with the feeling messages as well because sometimes they do not fit you know. Some times I want to say well when this happened it made ME feel as though…. (whatever finishes the sentence)… Is what incorrect or should I start with I feel all the time?



  3.  #3Siena on April 15, 2010 at 11:27 am

    I love the picture in this post! Like TW, I have a question about how to say something.

    I often say, “I love this” or “I would love that” or “I would like that!”

    In response to things like “Would you like to go to dinner.”

    My authentic response is, “I would love to!”.

    Saying “I would feel good going to dinner with you” doesn’t feel authentic because it doesn’t roll off my tongue.

    Do I just need to practice more until feeling messages roll off my tongue in cases like that?



  4.  #4TW on April 15, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Siena-

    That is my problem.. Sometimes it just does not sound right and I feel funny saying it that way. I am like that sounds crazy.. It is like you said.. Should you say I feel great going to dinner iwth you makes me laugh so I know it would make a guy like huh? lmao… But anyway Siena, I called my ex last night and he did not answer BUT he did text me this morning to tell me that he saw where I called and he was asleep so at least I know that he is not avoiding talking to me but I am just not ready to tell him how I feel exactly you know.



  5.  #5Siena on April 15, 2010 at 11:50 am

    TW I *TOLD* you he wasn’t playing games. 😉 what’s helped me is to spam this forum with how I feel so that I 1) either get bored of the feeling and move on or 2) get to feeling so comfortable expressing the feeling that when he does call, it just kind of rolls of my tongue. But even #2 is pretty rare, because my feelings change almost on the half hour sometimes.

    It sounds like you may be holding on to your feelings, waiting for the opportunity to speak them to him. But that to me feels like waiting or (what’s the word?) – I don’t know…

    When I first broke up with M, I found myself waiting. And then I realized, “hold on, the last relationship didn’t work, which is why we broke up. So instead, I’d like a BRAND NEW relationship with him. Which means that all the old feelings are null and void unless we encounter them again in a new relationship. But in order to be in the type of relationship I want, I need to learn how to express myself, and tell him how I feel – IN THE MOMENT that the feelings are happening. And I figure, if he’s meant to come back around, he will. And THIS time I’ll be ready.”

    I dunno, maybe this would work for you?



  6.  #6TW on April 15, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    Siena-

    That makes sense but yes I am holding on to my feelings because I have nothing else to do with them really if that makes any sense. No I do not want to be liek last time but I also do not want to over discuss it either if that makes any sense. I mean what is continuously talking about yesterday going to help with now and tomorrow. Nothing but make someone tired of hearing about it which has already happened. I do not know what to do as far as talking to him and stuff. It just seems like we both are beating around the bush sitting on pins and needles waiting for the other to say something because if he did not want to be bothered with me then he would have had no reason to text me this morning. He could have just ignored all of it all together.



  7.  #7Siena on April 15, 2010 at 12:17 pm

    tee-dub (that’s how I read your name in my mind), what you write makes total sense. Totally.

    You can express your feelings here – this is a great place to do that. I’m all over the place here – sometimes I feel peaceful and nice, other times I feel hurt and neurotic. But it’s all me, so I express myself here, and so far Rori hasn’t banned me. And once I’ve expressed myself here (and then reread the post a couple of times), I find myself coming to terms with the feelings, then becoming bored with them and moving on to another post where something makes me feel again.

    Here’s a question: Do you trust this man? I mean, really trust him to do right by you? If you trust him to be able to make the right choice that’s good for BOTH of you, then you can let him go. Because he’ll do the right thing for both of you… no matter what it is.

    Even if he’s off dating boatloads of other women right now, it really doesn’t matter. If you two end up back together, that will just be a part of your romance story. And those other women are teaching him how to love and be more of a man. They’re GOOD for him, just the way my CD’s are GOOD for me.

    …and of COURSE he responded to you. He’s not playing a game, and he obviously cares. No doubt he cares about you. None!



  8.  #8Siena on April 15, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    actually, I want to add to my last post… I find that I don’t even NEED to trust a guy if I trust myself. I trust myself to do right by ME, and to not leave me alone and to never lead me into a place where I won’t be able to come out in one piece. Since I have this trust (or am building this trust) in MYSELF, I don’t feel the need to trust a man. It’s definitely an added bonus, but not at all necessary. Because I know that no matter what happens, I will be okay.



  9.  #9TW on April 15, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Siena-

    That is too funny because we call my son J Dub



  10.  #10TW on April 15, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    siena-

    I like your last post and to be honest with you. right now I have to gather my thoughts and take a nap and then I will post later with a fresh mind frame and we shall see all the wonderful things that come out. I really like this guy and see him in my future but I only want that if it is right for us because I have two boys and they mean the world to me so we ALL need to get along. He has kids as well. TTYL



  11.  #11dorothea on April 15, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    I would really like to know more about what the “goodnight talk” is, or where I can learn more (which program). Thank you in advance.



  12.  #12Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 3:55 pm

    “I feel so awkward, but I don’t feel like we’re a good match” Perfect! Now I know what to say to the Mailman when he asks me out again.



  13.  #13Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    As far as saying “I feel…” I have been practicing that with Tattoo Man — we met for coffee and both decided to be friends, rather than date. So, we’ve gone to a concert together, and yesterday he im’d, “I’d be up for a movie, but I don’t know what’s playing.”

    I was going to write back, “That sounds good” but I reminded myself to practice, and wrote, “I feel good about a movie….”

    He didn’t bat an eye at the weirdness of my response. And it felt REALLY GOOD to have expressed it that way!

    He is so good to practice with, since we were both upfront about “just friends” — no pressure at all!



  14.  #14Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 4:14 pm

    “You use every moment to learn how to go deeper and more intimately and personally and authentically and vulnerably and honestly and directly.”

    I LOVE this.

    But,

    I do NOT feel intimate and personal and authentic and vulnerable and honest and direct when I Lean Back utterly and completely, especially when I just don’t question or contact a man who simply cut off.

    It feels like I am AVOIDING intimacy and authenticity and vulnerability and honesty and directness when I just let him go as if I don’t care, tra la la there’s other fish in the sea.

    For ME, that feels like FEAR of intimacy, honesty, and vulnerability.

    This morning I woke up with that song in my head from Jesus Christ Superstar — “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” — so I found it on youtube and almost started crying when I watched it.

    The end of the song says, “Yet, if he said he loved me, I’d be lost, I’d be frightened. I couldn’t cope, just couldn’t cope. I’d turn my head, I’d back away, I wouldn’t want to know….. he scares me so.”

    And I wondered if somehow I unconsciously purposely pushed TN man away because I felt so scared of how deep we were getting and how good it felt. I know I was scared. But I don’t know if I sabotaged it.



  15.  #15Siena on April 15, 2010 at 4:51 pm

    “And I wondered if somehow I unconsciously purposely pushed TN man away because I felt so scared of how deep we were getting and how good it felt. I know I was scared. But I don’t know if I sabotaged it.”

    Well, I know *I* did that! I’m not even sure it was sub conscience on my part! My vibe must have been SCREAMING “Ahhhh! This is terrifying!!!”

    But if that’s the case, Lucy, I believe he will be back. Once the fear subsides and he can think straight, I believe he will come around wondering what you’re up to…



  16.  #16Jackie on April 15, 2010 at 5:22 pm

    The thought of feeling messages was very difficult for me too. I thought I sounded crazy. I struggled in my head to come up with a feeling to say that didn’t sound nuts.

    Hmmm that was lots of thinking 😉 for something that was supposed to be all about feeling. I think we’re so busy thinking about how we’ll sound that we end up judging our own feelings. And I’m sure we all know that’s a no- no.

    Someone said it somewhere on here and I think its true…talking in feeling messages is like suddenly exercising an unused muscle. It feels awkard and stresses easily. Practice makes perfect.

    And the only one thinking I sounded crazy was ME. Anyone I’ve said it too just rolled right on. Trust me I have some very direct friends, so if they had thought it was wierd they would have definitely said- why are you talking like that??

    Hugssssss everyone 🙂



  17.  #17TW on April 15, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    Lucy-

    Finally someone understands how I really feel about the lean back thing. I have been trying to express it for the past few days and came up with nothing and when you said “It feels like I am AVOIDING intimacy and authenticity and vulnerability and honesty and directness when I just let him go as if I don’t care, tra la la there’s other fish in the sea.” I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder because someone elsefelt my frustrations about leaning back. I find it so hard to do sometimes but I am remaining patient in my quest to reunite with my ex because I do not want old problems to resurface but I also do not want to play the sit and wait game like that either. If it is something that I can rectify then let’s go ahead and get it out of the way but if it is something that can not be fixed them I take comfort in knowing that early on instead of leaning back and losing time and energy for nothing. I feel fake that way but that is me personally though. I just thought it was cool that someone else understood how I felt. I just could not convey it.



  18.  #18Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    WELL.

    When I wrote that last post here, my “deep knowing” kicked in — my intuition — and I knew for sure that everything I wrote in #14 was true. Especially this: “It feels like I am AVOIDING intimacy and authenticity and vulnerability and honesty and directness when I just let him go as if I don’t care, tra la la there’s other fish in the sea.”

    I had to face my fear. In this situation, I knew that I had to reach out to him. For ME — to face that fear head on instead of skipping away down the path pretending I was letting him go in the name of “leaning back” when it was really out of fear. Whatever the outcome might be, I had to turn around and FACE my fear, just like Alice when she turned around to face that creature that was chasing her.

    So I texted him. And then watched TV, feeling pretty sure that he would not text back and that I would forever be in that place of not knowing what happened.

    Half an hour later, he texted. That he is MOVING. To my state. Four hours away from me. (He is 10 hours away now.) My heart almost exploded with shock, confusion, bewilderment and hope.

    I texted him back, but haven’t heard anything more yet. I feel SO scared and nervous!!!! I feel so afraid of the hope that I feel.

    Now I understand why I avoided all this: FEAR is a lot more uncomfortable than sadness. I had been choosing sadness over fear.



  19.  #19Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 6:40 pm

    But no matter what ends up happening, I know I did what Rori said in this post: “You use every moment to learn how to go deeper and more intimately and personally and authentically and vulnerably and honestly and directly.”

    I used this situation, this man, to learn how to go deeper into intimacy, vulnerability, and authenticity — to get past the three-headed dog guarding the door.



  20.  #20Emily on April 15, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Aah, hi everyone. I have recently botched a similar conversation. My man was talking future. Calling himself my boyfriend. I was circular dating, but really like this guy. I kind of abruptly said no to weeknight staying over at his house because it was so inconvenient for me. And I sort of said I would think about a trip away–which he brought up a few times and said it was out on the table. So now he just stopped calling me. And texting. It’s been like two weeks. I texted him already. And he said, “Why did it take you so long to text me?” But he hasn’t been pursuing me all of a sudden. Was I too leaned back? Didn’t explain enough? What? Should I call him to explain?



  21.  #21Daria on April 15, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Lucy –

    I know for me it feels relieving when I lean forward and am reassured in the moment

    but after I wind up having anohter moment like that

    and it feels to me like im growing closer when hes the one rowing and texting me



  22.  #22dorothea on April 15, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    Leaning back and Holding back are two different things. I REPEAT, SIRENS!!!!!!!!!!! LEANING back and HOLDING back are two different things.

    You lean back instead of forward to let him do most of the pursuing.

    when you lean back away from his pursuit of you (like trying to make u his exclusive, go on trips with you, etc.), without RECEIVING or being open and vulnerable about how it makes u feel, then you are HOLDING back. This makes men give up on you.

    Please let me know if you have any questions.



  23.  #23Daria on April 15, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Ps – I think Ingrid’s praying is kicking in.



  24.  #24dorothea on April 15, 2010 at 7:20 pm

    By the way, the way to recover from holding back is NOT leaning forward. The way you recover is by receiving and softening the next time you ‘ought’ to. NEXT time. he initiates receiving and softness in you.



  25.  #25Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 7:23 pm

    Yes, I had the same thought about Ingrid’s praying! She prayed that something mysterious would happen with him that only God knew about . . . and it’s definitely mysterious that he is suddenly, out of the blue, moving to my state!

    Yeah, it’s still 4 hours away, but that’s way better than 10!

    I agree dorothea .. . with this whole connection with him, the whole time, I have been HOLDING back out of fear . . . fear that he would leave my life AND fear that he would stay!



  26.  #26Daria on April 15, 2010 at 7:27 pm

    I feel sad.

    I would like help.

    My man is going to sign up for school, but he doesnt like school he says.

    He’s also wanting to get a job, but no one he applied to called him back.

    I feel sad.

    This reflects me and how I felt about school and jobs. This reflects what I think my Godbrothers feel.

    I feel sad.

    I want him to feel inspired to Do this stuff, but i dont actually think he knows how, will do it, or mayb even can in the current state of mind he has – yes i feel judgemental of him and worried.

    He talks about what we will name our kids.

    And i said i want him to work to get us an apartment. he said yes.

    but now i feel like, on one part it would feel fun to tell him… go there get a job, do this – i am a tutor and Do know how this kinda stuff works.

    on the other hand, i think i don’t want to be the leader on this, he might do all this and i might not feel attracted, id rather a man surprise me with what he’s doing on his own

    I feel the need to rescue him from this lifestyle that i see putting so many men i know in prison over and over.

    I feel drained and sad – I ALWAYS feel drained and sad thinking about this.

    Help someone?

    Rori. please help.



  27.  #27Daria on April 15, 2010 at 7:30 pm

    Now he texted me: 143

    and i feel: angry and sad… mostly sad.

    he just left me after coming to see me with his friend in his friend’s car, and we spent hte day at the park with his friend talking to my friend. and i felt mad because his friend was drunk but didnt want to let me drive, and he drives crazy when he drinks, and i felt pist. i told him i feel pist at him for putting me in that situation.

    and im THINKING that he cant get to me any other way than in his friends car

    and im jsut feeling hopeless

    he was like dont leave me

    i said i dont know. i feel sad. i feel worried. hes like about waht. i kinda told him but i mostly said i feel stuck on words

    i feel sad

    and hopeless

    i love my sadness and hopelessness



  28.  #28dorothea on April 15, 2010 at 7:32 pm

    I dunno what there really is to receive from that man, Lucy. From 10 hours away or 4 hours away. Except ‘oh thank u it feels good when u call me.”

    Let’s just assume we’re doing major holding back in its most supreme form if the man we’re bothering to hold back from is hours and hours away. The ONLY thing you should do is lean back with your whole body heart and soul. receive what feels good and he will sense it in a good way. anything else you think you’re ‘holding back’ from is IMAGINARY. fake. not real. in your head.



  29.  #29Daria on April 15, 2010 at 7:34 pm

    i feel sad that Rori is not going to comment on this. im just gonna get stuck doing this repeat forever. i feel sad and hopeless.

    i hate and feel so angry and yet apathetic totally drained

    i feel angry that the world fuckin makes it so hard for these men to do things they like and be able to support families. they have to do stuff they DONT LIKE. and that feels sad. that feels like giving up integrity.

    and most dont. and then they are captured and or else killed

    remember that song
    “in the ghetto” elvis presley had a version

    on a cold and grey chicago mornina lil child is born… in the ghetto

    i feel sobbing

    this always defeates me everytime

    fuk

    i get life.

    life in prison.

    dear daria you are sentenced to life in prison. starting whenever the fuck u opened ur eyes and heart to this people and saw that whats good is named bad and whats bad is good

    like the archons



  30.  #30Daria on April 15, 2010 at 7:39 pm

    i feel sobbing…

    i love my sobbing

    but it doesnt matter

    cuz my love is not enuf

    my love is not enuf to bend prison bars

    i love my feelings

    GOD PLEASE HELP ME

    GOD PLEASE MELT THEM FOR ME

    dont let me die like in auschwitz

    ever read storeis about that

    shy did god let us starve to death

    please

    help

    me

    i feel so sadddddddddddd



  31.  #31Simply Shannon on April 15, 2010 at 7:43 pm

    Rori, is it possible for you to discuss the no boyfriend speech if you’ve been dating someone awhile, like say a few months? Not so long that it feels doubtful that the man is gonna ask or that you’re wasting your time. I’m talking about that twilight space where he’s probably thinking about marriage and wanting you to get serious with him.

    I would feel grateful to hear that speech. No I would feel relieved. I’ve got the early speech thing down. No biggie because I’m not feeling attached early on. HOWEVER, once I start feeling more for a boy and he’s still rowing, still pursuing, he’s mentioned marriage but *I* don’t feel certain I want to marry him, what then?

    This is what I get for getting off my horse (re: Mr. Fab Kisser) and not continuing to date others all this time. It’s really a pain in the ass to restart this again. I don’t feel as scared as I thought I would but I feel nervous about having a conversation with him.

    Breathe Shannon. It’s cool. I’m cool. Follow my heart. Don’t get off my horse.

    I need a mantra… or a really cool t-shirt logo.



  32.  #32Siena on April 15, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Daria, what does 143 mean?

    I hear your sadness. Your man needs you to continue to feel those feelings and be exactly who you are with him. He’s with YOU for a reason. It sounds like you’re predicting a future that’s not real. All that’s real is this present moment. How are you two on this moment? The future is the scariest thing in the world, but it’s NOT REAL!!

    I feel worried for you. I feel so much care for you, I wish I could help!! I hope Rori answers you. Rori!! Your siren needs help!!



  33.  #33Simply Shannon on April 15, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Shit. Daria. I feel bad. I feel so annoyed when posts don’t show up until after I’ve typed. Here I am commenting about this no-boyfriend speech thingy and you’re feeling so bad. (((HUGS)))

    Daria, what if the message is that in spite of all of that, it still feels okay to expect a man to “man-up”? What if you believed ALL men would go to jail or fail and therefore you expected less of them (ala cutting them some slack and “helping”)? Wouldn’t that be a self-fulfilling prophecy?



  34.  #34Daria on April 15, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    Siena – here I am crying again. i feel afraid my mom will hear me and i dont want to scare her and that made my tears hide. i feel sad i hide my tears. i feel sad.

    now i’ve covered them. where are darias tears. they hid behind darias ok front while my mom got her scissors. ohhhh i feel sad. here they are again..

    i feel so sad!

    you are right i am just predicting. but some of it is already happening with other men i know. and ive seen so much of it happening its hard not to predict

    sometimes it seems that 2 +2 will = 4 no matter how much i try. even tho i know. that 2 + 2 equals infinity and beyhond. i am sooo sad……….

    i feel so sad

    rocking waves right. i love my tears.

    1 4 3 means I (1) love (4) you (3)

    sobbing

    i love you heart

    go ahead and brake

    tupac is dead

    _____ is dead

    _______ is dead

    oops went back and erased

    went cold the tears hid

    not safe

    to be real

    in this public

    world i live in yet

    i want to feel safe

    to be real

    i want ALL of us to be safe being real

    i dont want to end up in prison

    and i dont want my man to

    and i pick men out of men who go to prison

    because they are real

    and my heart sees hearts

    and im sobbing

    cuz i feel so scared

    surely this huge trigger that i cant fully describe can be healed

    heal me GOD

    i give up

    to you

    all my pain

    all my fear

    and my doubts

    and my worry

    and my stiffening and hiding

    and my hopelessness

    and my cringing

    and my hate

    and my judgements

    speaking of wich. i dont like when shamika ask me for money no more. shes my friens lil sister. but im feeling bad. like shes p;utting me down

    i remember her mom died

    i heard GETRITE man’s mom just died

    alcohol

    when he called asking me out. he sounded good. maybe she was still alive then? my girl just heard about it at the park.

    i feel glad i got to meet her

    my dad is here



  35.  #35Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Dorothea — I receive a great deal from him. Just like we all here receive so much from each other even though we are so far away from each other physically. He and I both think it’s very interesting that, as he said, he is “getting closer.” Seems to me it may be the outside world mirroring the change and growth of the inside world — for both him and me.

    Daria — I feel bad that you are having such a hard time tonight. Hugs!



  36.  #36Daria on April 15, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Shannon – thanks! no problem, i feel perfectly entitled to do no boyfriend speeches in the mist of someone’s pain, so i feel guilty that you feel guilty – thats my guess for what you were feeling ! hhee

    yes you are right
    i do believe ALL men (well except for the non-ghetto ones, htat never have felt this tragedy feeling and thus they fall usually out of my attraction radar) will go to jail or fail. except some dont fail and i feel excited by that

    and i DONT WANT TO BELIEVE THIS ANYMORE!

    but i have been believeing it anyway

    it feels too scary not to believe it

    i think part of my identity is strongly caught up in beliving it

    i want to heal this. THANK you.

    Lucy thank you. i feel this everyday. im addressing it today and ive addressed it other days too.

    i want healing for my grey warped cloud thingy

    thank you

    i love crying, it feels so good. i feel good and my face glows after. and now my lips feel dry and im drinking water.

    im getting ready to go to dinner with my mom for her firends birtday



  37.  #37Daria on April 15, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    Shannon –

    actually the no boyfriend speech is FOR those situations. when your man is actually asking you for exclusivity and its an option

    the early ones where you are unattached actually “don’t count” hehe as no boyfriend speeches. those are more like no boyfriend breezies hehe



  38.  #38Apple Jacks on April 15, 2010 at 8:14 pm

    I feel for you tonight Daria. If it’s any consellation, I feel in agreement with what you say especially about doing jobs we don’t like and imprisoning our lives.

    My last job was exactly such as this. Corporations stealing the roof over people’s heads, people with terminal and mental illnesses. Then the office politics, and women hurting women with back biting and jealousy…it felt disgusting.

    Even without the money and just squeaking by, I feel very empowered right now. Empowered to figure out who I am again, express the colors of my being onto the paper of life.

    I really want to take up painting again…I used to be able to draw up until the age of 12 but then lost that eye. I feel restless to re-learn how to draw and create beautiful pictures. I feel stuck in trying to create this avenue for myself, and I feel like bursting out and clocking this universe on the head for stifling and enslaving us within their silly, “title-based” standard picket fences. I feel defiant of that and powerful enough to break the wall down chip by chip.



  39.  #39Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 8:15 pm

    A really hot-looking guy 11 years younger than me just winked at me on match. I usually don’t respond to winks, but he is so hot AND lives pretty close (!), I winked back.



  40.  #40Apple Jacks on April 15, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    Hehe, wink away Lucy! You deserve the love and attention! I feel giddy reading your cute post.



  41.  #41Ingrid on April 15, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    Hi Turtle Girl:

    IMO, I think you responded in just the right way. But of course Rori always has some great tips. Our Siren Guru.

    To me, it sounds like this guy really likes you and just wants to know if you’re serious with anyone else. That’s all. He’s a nice guy for asking I think. And that’s a very honest and straight-forward question. Very much so~

    You can always say when CD’ing, “I don’t want to be anyone’s girlfriend right now.” Plain and simple. Or “I don’t want to be exclusive with anyone right now”. Then of course don’t have sex, just “date”.



  42.  #42Daria on April 15, 2010 at 8:31 pm

    Apple Jacks – ooh awesome about painting. I want to paint too! babysteps. do share that will inspire me ! I had my easel in the room forever, but never started because i felt afraid i would mess up the one canvas screen i had… or… or… etc

    i will tho! and i doodle a lot! my doodles are getting interesting and i scan them and save em sometimes!



  43.  #43Apple Jacks on April 15, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Oh a thought came to me about what Lucy said on how she feels when she leans back, and then how Dorothea explained that leaning back is not the same as holding back… Well I made this connection by Dorothea’s explanation, an image of a rock star. You know how rock stars really lean back way into their groove but are spilling their hearts out? Since I’ve come across Rori’s work I can see how that technique (be it conscious or unconscious) contributes to a rockers sense of sexuality and pursument (is that a word?).

    Has anyone ever seen the Blondie video for the song “Sunday’s Girl?” It’s a performance (I think it’s live) and in that particular performance where Debbie Harry is dressed in a suit, with one hand in her pocket and the other dangling by her side. She leans back and does quick side by side sways as she croons into the microphone. When I saw that I felt, “That’s it! That’s what I feel, that Rori is talking about!” I hope this made sense, I feel excited and all ziggy while as I’m thinking very fast as I type.



  44.  #44Apple Jacks on April 15, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Daria,

    thank you for the advice on the babysteps. I have to remind myself about that. I feel so restless and excited to jump start it you know? I have all these pictures in my head, so much to say!

    I feel the creative medium of visual art really helps me live in the moment and be in my feelings more than any other action. I feel so disappointed though in wishing I never lost that “eye” to begin with. But I also feel encouraged that if I stay the course, I will be able to find the stream of light to my path. I feel hopeful that stream of light will shine for us ALL.



  45.  #45Apple Jacks on April 15, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    Lol, Daria I went back to read your post and I feel so excited by your excitment. So your doodles are getting more interesting? I feel like that would be good if I just start doodling too. I need to just DO when it comes to this.



  46.  #46Lucy on April 15, 2010 at 8:47 pm

    Apple jacks — I know EXACTLY what you are talking about with that leaning back rockstar posture! A couple years ago I saw a girl in a Keith Urban music video and I noticed how she was leaning back and looked so good like that…. And when I found Rori’s stuff, I remembered that girl in that video, and realized THAT’S what I need to do — be like that girl!! She has been my model for physically leaning back, lol. I walk like she does now, and I feel so much more confident and attractive. 🙂



  47.  #47Ingrid on April 15, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Hi Daria:

    I can really relate cuz my hubby is currently unemployed and it sucks. He’s such a creative person, and just not the “suit and tie” type, like I have dated in the past, and I really feel for him, yet I need him as his wife to support me and our kids. I need to depend on him. And unemployment is barely nil. It’s hard. So hard, especially when you have kids. I feel like I pressure him too much and he cannot handle it, as he’s said so, said he’s “just gonna move to Oregon to live with his cousin”. Dang. Really? Sometimes I feel he really wishes he didn’t have all the responsibility of being a husband and father. Well he’s only said this recently when he’s been unemployed. Never in the past 20 years. So I feel this says something about a man’s point of view. At least you or he don’t have kids right Daria? Does your honey?

    Yes, it is hard for men today. But, that’s I feel one of their roles, to be the “breadwinners”. I am very old-fashioned in this way, as I was raised. Also I very much feel, that’s what gives men their sense of self, being a good provider. If they don’t or can’t provide for their woman, they feel like shit. I feel that played a HUGE part in my h’s affair, cuz he felt bad, like he wasn’t a good provider, so he drifted off to where girls sat on men’s laps and told them how wonderful and cute they are. (Yucch).

    Anyway, this is just my 2 cents.

    My advice though: Never marry a man who cannot support you. I know it sounds crazy, but is totally how I feel. I know now what my aunt said to me, “you cannot live on love”. She’s right.

    What kind of work do you Daria?

    You’re really in touch with your feelings I can tell, and are a very passionate person. You deserve an awesome man! Don’t ever settle Daria!



  48.  #48Ingrid on April 15, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    Hi Lucy!

    I’m glad you winked back. LOL

    My h is 10 years younger, (chronologically speaking). And that’s cool, but I would have married him if he were 20 years my senior too, he says the same.

    You just never know what this life holds……



  49.  #49Ingrid on April 15, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    I have always loved painting too. They have now some pretty amazing “paint by number” kits like at Aaron Brothers and some other art stores. I just finished one of boats in a harbor and it’s sooooo pretty. And fun! Don’t think I’m talented enough to do one from scratch though. What does anyone love to paint? Let me hear…….dying to hear…..who are your favorite artists?

    I love the impressionists. Monet, Manet, Renoir, Morisot, I also love the Renaissance painters, who painted portraits from the 1500’s and thereabouts. Love museums!!!! Has anyone been to Paris? My favorite city in the whole Universe~ and where I want to live one day and buy a flat. I could speak of Paris till the world ends, and also subscribe to some awesome French websites.



  50.  #50Ingrid on April 15, 2010 at 9:11 pm


  51.  #51Rori Raye on April 15, 2010 at 9:36 pm

    Daria – so much here….the thing that hits me first off is your sense of responsibility. I think you have a healer’s sensibilities and a potent mixture of tremendous sensitivity that also makes you feel required to be tough. I know SO many women with men who are not as focused, inventive, ambitious, guns blazingly smart as they are. When you know how to make a living – just by DOING that – and men around us seem so stuck – it’s frustrating beyond words. And you will NEVER be able to get inside their head and feel as they do. It’s a completely different mental/personality/spiritual place than you (and I and so many of us women are in) – it’s a Meyers-Briggs/Enneagram personality difference. It’s introvert and extrovert. It’s the way a person’s mind works. It’s intuition and perceiving as opposed to thinking and engineering. Different skills. All you can do is this: Have a requirement: my man must make x number of dollars in order to support himself and half of our household. That’s it. If you make more, so be it. Same with all lifestyle issues. You are unusually amazing. The men you are attracted to and attract are different – more opposite qualities, and it’s difficult to compute mentally, I know. I’ve struggled with this so much of my life, being an actress and convinced I needed an “artistic” man. My clients struggle with this. I saw a Dr. Phil where all the women were struggling with this, and the men on the panel were actually quite helpful – but then THEY were successful! My advice for all of this is to stop trying to fix, to save – because you know you’re doing it so he can be worthy of you. He’s going to have to do that on his own, and you’re going to have to figure out just exactly what a man needs to do to BE worthy of you. Lot to chew on. Love, Rori



  52.  #52Nita on April 15, 2010 at 10:04 pm

    i feel excited,sad, and scared…i feel attached to a new guy in my life because i am feeling open and leaning back and it works and its scary!! because it makes him vulnerable to me, and he feels attracted and its crazy and awesome but at the same time it does the same to me!! how do i not attach myself to someone, when opening up my feelings and living the moment with him makes me attached. if i share my feelings and connect, it brings me to him, i only want him i feel no other attraction. i am too connected and we are just freshly dating! sigh this is crazy!! i think about him allllllll the time, i used to be so obsessive about guys in the past who were jerks and low quality, this guy is positive, smart and what wins me the most…..kind and dare i say normal!! i feel crazy!! he is such a gentlemen and sweet and i just want to kiss him!! we have just hugged but when i hug him i cant let go he is my tree…i feel Love sigh……im confused and i feel anxious and i want to kiss those puppy eyes of his…i am just gonna confess my crazy feelings right now haha in the safety of this website ( if Daria can I can haha! jk Daria you are super cool)
    – ok this man is smart, handsome, has an innocent boyish thing about him, hes shy around me and a bit nervous, and when he is i feel good because i feel nervous too! i want to just kiss that mans face i want to kiss him. he is mad SEXXXXY. i fight calling i fight texting, mad discipline is all i can say about that haha. i cant even look at him sometimes because of fear of him knowing how freaking crazy i am about someone who i have just dated and that i want his children hahaha!! baby please tell me what u feel sigh cus this is hard….
    ok i feel better and can now sleep! yay



  53.  #53heartbeat on April 15, 2010 at 11:56 pm

    Siena – this feels so refreshing: “So instead, I’d like a BRAND NEW relationship with him. “



  54.  #54heartbeat on April 16, 2010 at 12:06 am

    Dorothea – yeah! I felt excited reading this: “LEANING back and HOLDING back are two different things… when you lean back away from his pursuit of you (like trying to make u his exclusive, go on trips with you, etc.), without RECEIVING or being open and vulnerable about how it makes u feel, then you are HOLDING back.”



  55.  #55Daria on April 16, 2010 at 1:05 am

    Thanks Rori. What does a man have to do to BE worthy of me. HA.

    ok lets do this no pussyfooting around hahahahaha

    love that pussyfooting kinky!!! red toes and pussy lips

    ok so i want a man who is able to find his way into making a living that feels stable to me. that means not hustling unless you live in some non us country where hustling is stable and you are not in danger of being attacked at nite day or midafternoon by people who will then put u in a closed door environment away from me

    (but what if we live in a war zone)

    we do Not live in a warzone (at least not a conventional one – what is that ?) and i want a man that is going to take me away from a war zone

    must provide security

    is able to find his way to this on his own. takes advantage and asks for my hlep where i may be helpful – i can basically put him thru college learning wise if he were to ask – not to mention the million other things i can do

    he can take my suggestions and will check them out. that means if i say go over there and buy 5 chickens from the man in the next village he will do it and i will not feel like a leader but rather he will talk to me about my concerns and take over it as a man and use my intuition

    he will make 30,000 a year to start – our family – baseline

    he will buy me gifts

    he is willing to go to college or to piloting school or to sell drugs on the corner if i ask him to –

    he will learn my language

    he is willing to live in different places around the world with me

    he is wiling to self educate himself so that he can communicate with personal confidence with people from all walks of life

    he is willing to let me do medicine healing with him and will learn it so that he can assist me for my needs with it – which include massages, baths which he will draw for me, and amazing varied stellar and stellar nabula quazar jupiter saturn ring orgasms

    he is willing to paint my toes for me

    i feel a little tense

    i feel a lil lost

    i feel a lil unfocused and unorganized

    when i think what do i require? i get the accompany thought – dont have requirements!!! you will get a magical man that DOESNT meet those and yet sweeps you away!

    so I feel afraid to have them. cuz what if im holding out for the man that makes money but i FALL IN LOVE with the poor boy who makes stars in the night sky on a dark moon?

    i ordered that movie Bright Star about Keats. he was unemployed right…? i feel the tears coming on. love you tears. my tummy is very full i dont want to cry. that would feel icky.

    I feel tense.

    i want to feel safe and loved.

    and yes i want to feel supported.

    he must support himself.

    but what does that mean to a wild Goddess? we all support ourselves by breathing and eating

    i would steal hamburgers from macdonalds customers to support myself if i had to

    he must support me and a family. what if i get vain and unsatisfied, always mean like the evil stepmother. i love myself. i lvoe my fear of being evil vain, demanding, bad. i love my mistrust of myself. i choose to know that i am all good. does that mean the evil stepmother was good?

    he has a child already. MY GUESS AND JUDGEMENT Is that he doesnt support her much. because he has no money now for me. i want him to support his daughter. what if she hates me? well. i will be ok. even if she hates me. i feel fear. i feel fear of children hehe. i love my fear. i will beat her up (not).

    i feel afraid

    i got diamonds on the soles of my shoes and i said oh oh oh . diamonds on the soles of my shoes

    im a broke rich girl. poor me. poor me i live in a beautiful house.

    when i was young i used to play with leaves like biggie smalls. and plastic tubes from pipes and polyester — the packaging from boxes – that was a real treat when we ever found it thrown behind the buildings

    I WAS HAPPY

    happier than snails on grass and ladybugs on dandelions

    but even then. i had my lil concerns. like the boy who rejected me AND RUINED MY LIFE YOU STUPID FUCKER !! U THREW ME OFF!! IM SO GLAD I SAID NO TO YOU LATER ON! FUCKIN JERK! I HATE YOU!!!

    and i lvoe me

    so what do i say to him.

    this isnt gonna work. I dont want to be in your friends car when hes drunk. and i dont want to always double date because he has to come along. and i dont want to hang out on everydate. i am feeling stuck on the romance. im feeling scared. and im feeling angry.

    i want you to find work. save money. and buy a car. then come see me.

    ????

    is that what i say?

    or i say nothing

    and let him do the best he can now.

    i work by his house on saturday. he is gonna bring me food. he said

    i want my own success. i want to feel safe. i no longer feel hypocritical. yay! what i want from a man doesnt depend on my own success. i feel entitled to be lazy and do nothing –

    rori said half the household. i think she meant at minimum.

    i could require the whole thing if i want

    my purpose is not work

    i will survive

    i do want success. and im going for it.

    i want to be a life coach for ghetto people…. so i can practice on the men i date too

    or will that turn them into students?

    i thought men get crushes on their teachers. hmm. yes. it is fine if my vibe isnt stuck.

    just like its fine for me to practice my massage on him.

    haha

    i can practice my coaching on men. the basics have to be there on their own

    must be willing to let me practice my coaching on him! without it turning into a teacher student vibe

    i must practice my coaching without doing it for me huh

    i feel holding back. i feel fearful. i feel fearful of coaching! who am i to tell a man what to do? that’s always been my operating motto. that’s why i always watched and opened up my judgements on men. not told them what to do. and i got real close to them. as friends.

    i want to practice my coaching. and i want it to separate from what i need from a man.

    i want him to want me to coach him or be willing to let me experiment with coaching him

    but i want to want him anyway

    i dont want to coach him to want him

    i get it

    but i dont GET it

    im gonna FEEL it

    i feel AFRAID of walking myself into PAIN

    i lvoe myself

    i choose to walk myself into Joy

    thank you

    i choose joy

    hey angels

    i knwo youre waiting on the sidelines

    i want your help now

    i want this to be clear now

    i also want to be able to clearly know why i should tell a foster child tutor student why they should go to school or HOW they should approach this part of their life so that hey have success quickly and easily and satisfyingly

    i want a man to have his own business? do i ? or do i want my own business

    well i think owning a business is a good plan. and going to school is a game that to win means you CAN.

    and if you can. then do it. and you can. then do it. then. you can do. all you can do. anyway.

    so why lose 4 years of your life doing something to prove to people that look down on you and dont understand you and judge you and maybe want to put you in a closed room away from fresh air that you can do something they can do?

    because you want to be able to do that something they can do so that you can do what you can do knowing that you can do what they can do and therefore you know for you and they will have less hold on you

    i feel shortbreathed

    im almost there

    but not quite

    i stop now

    i feel a pinching on the side of my butt. i love my pinching
    lol

    it feels embarassing to say that

    butt butt butt. i feel a pinching in my butt. booty hole! no it was not in my bootyhole, i just feel tingly and embarassed saying that word. much less tho

    what if i say

    i feel like farting… ewwwwwwww i feel so triggered by farting

    i love my triggers. ew. i feel love fro my ew



  56.  #56Daria on April 16, 2010 at 2:24 am

    Thanks Rori. What does a man have to do to BE worthy of me. HA.

    ok lets do this no pussyfooting around hahahahaha

    love that pussyfooting kinky!!! red toes and pussy lips

    ok so i want a man who is able to find his way into making a living that feels stable to me. that means not hustling unless you live in some non us country where hustling is stable and you are not in danger of being attacked at nite day or midafternoon by people who will then put u in a closed door environment away from me

    (but what if we live in a war zone)

    we do Not live in a warzone (at least not a conventional one – what is that ?) and i want a man that is going to take me away from a war zone

    must provide security

    is able to find his way to this on his own. takes advantage and asks for my hlep where i may be helpful – i can basically put him thru college learning wise if he were to ask – not to mention the million other things i can do

    he can take my suggestions and will check them out. that means if i say go over there and buy 5 chickens from the man in the next village he will do it and i will not feel like a leader but rather he will talk to me about my concerns and take over it as a man and use my intuition

    he will make 30,000 a year to start – our family – baseline

    he will buy me gifts

    he is willing to go to college or to piloting school or to sell drugs on the corner if i ask him to –

    he will learn my language

    he is willing to live in different places around the world with me

    he is wiling to self educate himself so that he can communicate with personal confidence with people from all walks of life

    he is willing to let me do medicine healing with him and will learn it so that he can assist me for my needs with it – which include massages, baths which he will draw for me, and amazing varied stellar and stellar nabula quazar jupiter saturn ring orgasms

    he is willing to paint my toes for me

    i feel a little tense

    i feel a lil lost

    i feel a lil unfocused and unorganized

    when i think what do i require? i get the accompany thought – dont have requirements!!! you will get a magical man that DOESNT meet those and yet sweeps you away!

    so I feel afraid to have them. cuz what if im holding out for the man that makes money but i FALL IN LOVE with the poor boy who makes stars in the night sky on a dark moon?

    i ordered that movie Bright Star about Keats. he was unemployed right…? i feel the tears coming on. love you tears. my tummy is very full i dont want to cry. that would feel icky.

    I feel tense.

    i want to feel safe and loved.

    and yes i want to feel supported.

    he must support himself.

    but what does that mean to a wild Goddess? we all support ourselves by breathing and eating

    i would steal hamburgers from macdonalds customers to support myself if i had to

    he must support me and a family. what if i get vain and unsatisfied, always mean like the evil stepmother. i love myself. i lvoe my fear of being evil vain, demanding, bad. i love my mistrust of myself. i choose to know that i am all good. does that mean the evil stepmother was good?

    he has a child already. MY GUESS AND JUDGEMENT Is that he doesnt support her much. because he has no money now for me. i want him to support his daughter. what if she hates me? well. i will be ok. even if she hates me. i feel fear. i feel fear of children hehe. i love my fear. i will beat her up (not).

    i feel afraid

    i got diamonds on the soles of my shoes and i said oh oh oh . diamonds on the soles of my shoes

    im a broke rich girl. poor me. poor me i live in a beautiful house.

    when i was young i used to play with leaves like biggie smalls. and plastic tubes from pipes and polyester — the packaging from boxes – that was a real treat when we ever found it thrown behind the buildings

    I WAS HAPPY

    happier than snails on grass and ladybugs on dandelions

    but even then. i had my lil concerns. like the boy who rejected me AND RUINED MY LIFE YOU STUPID FUCKER !! U THREW ME OFF!! IM SO GLAD I SAID NO TO YOU LATER ON! FUCKIN JERK! I HATE YOU!!!

    and i lvoe me

    so what do i say to him.

    this isnt gonna work. I dont want to be in your friends car when hes drunk. and i dont want to always double date because he has to come along. and i dont want to hang out on everydate. i am feeling stuck on the romance. im feeling scared. and im feeling angry.

    i want you to find work. save money. and buy a car. then come see me.

    ????

    is that what i say?

    or i say nothing

    and let him do the best he can now.

    i work by his house on saturday. he is gonna bring me food. he said

    i want my own success. i want to feel safe. i no longer feel hypocritical. yay! what i want from a man doesnt depend on my own success. i feel entitled to be lazy and do nothing –

    rori said half the household. i think she meant at minimum.

    i could require the whole thing if i want

    my purpose is not work

    i will survive

    i do want success. and im going for it.

    i want to be a life coach for ghetto people…. so i can practice on the men i date too

    or will that turn them into students?

    i thought men get crushes on their teachers. hmm. yes. it is fine if my vibe isnt stuck.

    just like its fine for me to practice my massage on him.

    haha

    i can practice my coaching on men. the basics have to be there on their own

    must be willing to let me practice my coaching on him! without it turning into a teacher student vibe

    i must practice my coaching without doing it for me huh

    i feel holding back. i feel fearful. i feel fearful of coaching! who am i to tell a man what to do? that’s always been my operating motto. that’s why i always watched and opened up my judgements on men. not told them what to do. and i got real close to them. as friends.

    i want to practice my coaching. and i want it to separate from what i need from a man.

    i want him to want me to coach him or be willing to let me experiment with coaching him

    but i want to want him anyway

    i dont want to coach him to want him

    i get it

    but i dont GET it

    im gonna FEEL it

    i feel AFRAID of walking myself into PAIN

    i lvoe myself

    i choose to walk myself into Joy

    thank you

    i choose joy

    hey angels

    i knwo youre waiting on the sidelines

    i want your help now

    i want this to be clear now

    i also want to be able to clearly know why i should tell a foster child tutor student why they should go to school or HOW they should approach this part of their life so that hey have success quickly and easily and satisfyingly

    i want a man to have his own business? do i ? or do i want my own business

    well i think owning a business is a good plan. and going to school is a game that to win means you CAN.

    and if you can. then do it. and you can. then do it. then. you can do. all you can do. anyway.

    so why lose 4 years of your life doing something to prove to people that look down on you and dont understand you and judge you and maybe want to put you in a closed room away from fresh air that you can do something they can do?

    because you want to be able to do that something they can do so that you can do what you can do knowing that you can do what they can do and therefore you know for you and they will have less hold on you

    i feel shortbreathed

    im almost there

    but not quite

    i stop now

    i feel a pinching on the side of my butt. i love my pinching
    lol

    it feels embarassing to say that

    butt butt butt. i feel a pinching in my butt. booty hole! no it was not in my bootyhole, i just feel tingly and embarassed saying that word. much less tho

    what if i say

    i feel like farting… ewwwwwwww i feel so triggered by farting

    i love my triggers. ew. i feel love fro my ew

    okay why did my comment not show up hmmm???
    was it the farts?

    or the pussyfooting around? lol



  57.  #57Tina on April 16, 2010 at 2:45 am

    Daria, I do ‘get” what your feeling and saying and I do ‘get” Rori’s advice to you. I”m surrounded by those same guys all the time, me being native american and living on a rez. “Truckman” has a long history of “living on the edge” he has managed to dig his way out ON HIS OWN. I have children that are pretty much grown , so I’m not looking to start a family or get married whatever. Considering where I live my “requirements” are alchohol and drug free and doing things they enjoy, he has money but thats besides the point, some would say that being alchohol and drug free is pretty low standards, i say well honey no it isnt considering where I live. He took an English writing program in prison yeah he was there , but anyway lol, he wrote a book and it is now being edited, I need an editor too lol. He has had a really colorful life, lets say. He’sa councellor, he’s done so much, I dont want to get into “his business”.



  58.  #58Tina on April 16, 2010 at 2:48 am

    Daria, most of the men in my community I wouldnt date lol actually I dont think they dare ask. I dont think they know how lol. The ones that have stepped up , I have dated.



  59.  #59Daria on April 16, 2010 at 3:32 am

    tina hehe. i wrote a long comment that doest want to show up hehe.

    i decided 30,000 was gonna be my baseline income for his side to support starting a family. thats pretty low and its pretty high lol. so we’ll see



  60.  #60Daria on April 16, 2010 at 3:34 am

    im gonna find my comment and post it from this computer



  61.  #61Daria on April 16, 2010 at 3:34 am

    Thanks Rori. What does a man have to do to BE worthy of me. HA.

    ok lets do this no pussyfooting around hahahahaha

    love that pussyfooting kinky!!! red toes and pussy lips

    ok so i want a man who is able to find his way into making a living that feels stable to me. that means not hustling unless you live in some non us country where hustling is stable and you are not in danger of being attacked at nite day or midafternoon by people who will then put u in a closed door environment away from me

    (but what if we live in a war zone)

    we do Not live in a warzone (at least not a conventional one – what is that ?) and i want a man that is going to take me away from a war zone

    must provide security

    is able to find his way to this on his own. takes advantage and asks for my hlep where i may be helpful – i can basically put him thru college learning wise if he were to ask – not to mention the million other things i can do

    he can take my suggestions and will check them out. that means if i say go over there and buy 5 chickens from the man in the next village he will do it and i will not feel like a leader but rather he will talk to me about my concerns and take over it as a man and use my intuition

    he will make 30,000 a year to start – our family – baseline

    he will buy me gifts

    he is willing to go to college or to piloting school or to sell drugs on the corner if i ask him to –

    he will learn my language

    he is willing to live in different places around the world with me

    he is wiling to self educate himself so that he can communicate with personal confidence with people from all walks of life

    he is willing to let me do medicine healing with him and will learn it so that he can assist me for my needs with it – which include massages, baths which he will draw for me, and amazing varied stellar and stellar nabula quazar jupiter saturn ring orgasms

    he is willing to paint my toes for me

    i feel a little tense

    i feel a lil lost

    i feel a lil unfocused and unorganized

    when i think what do i require? i get the accompany thought – dont have requirements!!! you will get a magical man that DOESNT meet those and yet sweeps you away!

    so I feel afraid to have them. cuz what if im holding out for the man that makes money but i FALL IN LOVE with the poor boy who makes stars in the night sky on a dark moon?

    i ordered that movie Bright Star about Keats. he was unemployed right…? i feel the tears coming on. love you tears. my tummy is very full i dont want to cry. that would feel icky.

    I feel tense.

    i want to feel safe and loved.

    and yes i want to feel supported.

    he must support himself.

    but what does that mean to a wild Goddess? we all support ourselves by breathing and eating

    i would steal hamburgers from macdonalds customers to support myself if i had to

    he must support me and a family. what if i get vain and unsatisfied, always mean like the evil stepmother. i love myself. i lvoe my fear of being evil vain, demanding, bad. i love my mistrust of myself. i choose to know that i am all good. does that mean the evil stepmother was good?

    he has a child already. MY GUESS AND JUDGEMENT Is that he doesnt support her much. because he has no money now for me. i want him to support his daughter. what if she hates me? well. i will be ok. even if she hates me. i feel fear. i feel fear of children hehe. i love my fear. i will beat her up (not).

    i feel afraid

    i got diamonds on the soles of my shoes and i said oh oh oh . diamonds on the soles of my shoes

    im a broke rich girl. poor me. poor me i live in a beautiful house.

    when i was young i used to play with leaves like biggie smalls. and plastic tubes from pipes and polyester — the packaging from boxes – that was a real treat when we ever found it thrown behind the buildings

    I WAS HAPPY

    happier than snails on grass and ladybugs on dandelions

    but even then. i had my lil concerns. like the boy who rejected me AND RUINED MY LIFE YOU STUPID FUCKER !! U THREW ME OFF!! IM SO GLAD I SAID NO TO YOU LATER ON! FUCKIN JERK! I HATE YOU!!!

    and i lvoe me

    so what do i say to him.

    this isnt gonna work. I dont want to be in your friends car when hes drunk. and i dont want to always double date because he has to come along. and i dont want to hang out on everydate. i am feeling stuck on the romance. im feeling scared. and im feeling angry.

    i want you to find work. save money. and buy a car. then come see me.

    ????

    is that what i say?

    or i say nothing

    and let him do the best he can now.

    i work by his house on saturday. he is gonna bring me food. he said

    i want my own success. i want to feel safe. i no longer feel hypocritical. yay! what i want from a man doesnt depend on my own success. i feel entitled to be lazy and do nothing –

    rori said half the household. i think she meant at minimum.

    i could require the whole thing if i want

    my purpose is not work

    i will survive

    i do want success. and im going for it.

    i want to be a life coach for ghetto people…. so i can practice on the men i date too

    or will that turn them into students?

    i thought men get crushes on their teachers. hmm. yes. it is fine if my vibe isnt stuck.

    just like its fine for me to practice my massage on him.

    haha

    i can practice my coaching on men. the basics have to be there on their own

    must be willing to let me practice my coaching on him! without it turning into a teacher student vibe

    i must practice my coaching without doing it for me huh

    i feel holding back. i feel fearful. i feel fearful of coaching! who am i to tell a man what to do? that’s always been my operating motto. that’s why i always watched and opened up my judgements on men. not told them what to do. and i got real close to them. as friends.

    i want to practice my coaching. and i want it to separate from what i need from a man.

    i want him to want me to coach him or be willing to let me experiment with coaching him

    but i want to want him anyway

    i dont want to coach him to want him

    i get it

    but i dont GET it

    im gonna FEEL it

    i feel AFRAID of walking myself into PAIN

    i lvoe myself

    i choose to walk myself into Joy

    thank you

    i choose joy

    hey angels

    i knwo youre waiting on the sidelines

    i want your help now

    i want this to be clear now

    i also want to be able to clearly know why i should tell a foster child tutor student why they should go to school or HOW they should approach this part of their life so that hey have success quickly and easily and satisfyingly

    i want a man to have his own business? do i ? or do i want my own business

    well i think owning a business is a good plan. and going to school is a game that to win means you CAN.

    and if you can. then do it. and you can. then do it. then. you can do. all you can do. anyway.

    so why lose 4 years of your life doing something to prove to people that look down on you and dont understand you and judge you and maybe want to put you in a closed room away from fresh air that you can do something they can do?

    because you want to be able to do that something they can do so that you can do what you can do knowing that you can do what they can do and therefore you know for you and they will have less hold on you

    i feel shortbreathed

    im almost there

    but not quite

    i stop now

    i feel a pinching on the side of my butt. i love my pinching
    lol

    it feels embarassing to say that

    butt butt butt. i feel a pinching in my butt. booty hole! no it was not in my bootyhole, i just feel tingly and embarassed saying that word. much less tho

    what if i say

    i feel like farting… ewwwwwwww i feel so triggered by farting

    i love my triggers. ew. i feel love fro my ew



  62.  #62Daria on April 16, 2010 at 3:38 am

    Tina – it feels awesome to hear you say that you get me. i feel like such a relief. sigh. relief. i feel good!

    i just had a new man visit me i came out of my house by the bridge in the middle of the nite

    he was talking shit earlier but i also got a good feeling from him. he was nice in person. but now hes saying rude stuff on text and im ACTUALLY LAUGHING IT OFF!!

    like im unaffected. im just texting him back Ew lol.

    haha.

    i have such high self esteem

    yay!



  63.  #63Daria on April 16, 2010 at 3:41 am

    Tina i feel curious to see wat u look like! i feel amused that they dont dare ask heheeeee

    i feel so goood rite now

    this guy had a nice car

    real shock attack attitude but hey not my issue lol

    sweet papi the one from earlier that i cried over is 21 and he has a 3 year old daughter already

    he is really sweet i “hope he makes it” i feel like ive cleared up my boundaries a lot by doing the exercise of what do i want for him to be worthy of me thing



  64.  #64Daria on April 16, 2010 at 4:03 am

    im now being attacked by Dman online… this feels unusual… and im laughing at him too!

    lol

    but now ive said i feel a lil weird and attacked… whats going on?



  65.  #65Daria on April 16, 2010 at 4:04 am

    i think hes joking … but still.. very strange…

    ive now asked him are you mad at me?



  66.  #66Daria on April 16, 2010 at 4:06 am

    he says pshhh why should i?

    and i said

    cuz i feel a lil confused

    i dont want to be attacked

    and i want to hear if youre mad at me

    (im so proud of myself)

    uhoh. he says well get use to it.

    i said

    mmmm.. that feels kina weird and not good

    and i signed off!

    haha

    i feel good!

    nite nite



  67.  #67dawn on April 16, 2010 at 4:48 am

    Daria, What you said to Alicia about only wanting good feelings , that was awesome, resonated in me. Thankyou



  68.  #68dawn on April 16, 2010 at 5:31 am

    OOps maybe it was Apple Jacks that said it but I the response felt good. I feel wreckless sometimes too only at 45 I think there is another word for it but I dont mind. I feelsick somehow reading one of our goddesses posts. Triggers out the wahzoo ! I know that pain comes in many forms so i can learn from this. Denial feels sneaky and weak to me so I guess i have to get to the bottom of that. It all just reminds me of my mother. I feel pretty raw after yesterday but good. Funny how I couldnt admit to being a drinker until I was done with it. HMMMM. My mother was a very weak person. I havent seen her in 7 yrs. She lives out west and ive never bothered to contact her. I never felt love or trust for her. She had me before she married the man i call dad. While she was getting ready for her nuptials I spent 6 mths bonding with someone else. Some one else that i really just wish she had left me there. They tell me stories of her waiting for me at the bus stop and i would get off the bus and run like hell in the other direction. Im still running.



  69.  #69TW on April 16, 2010 at 5:58 am

    Ladies-

    You all have gone through so much since my last post. Anyway, I am thinking this morning about talking to my ex. I went from being number one on his list to not even on it but I think back to how it was in the beginning and where it started to go wrong. I mean, he was I claimed you from night one and you are the one and I want to raise our children together to not calling and everything. We were exclusive, I was his girlfriend at that point. There was no reason for him to step up any more. He already had me and then the distance became routine. I want to go back to feeling like platinum in his life insitead of like white gold. I want to feel him all over me like I once did and I do not mean that just in a sexual way. My body shook at his tough or his presence in the room. I have only felt that way for one other man. I want him back but I do not want the relationship we had back. I want a NEW ONE like Siena said. One that is filled with the same hopes and dreams we had before. One that fulfills me emotionally as well as physically. We had some of the best sex and then that was gone too. There was no more communication just frustration. He no longer saw me as the precious jewel he once had. I seemed to be tarnished in his eyes like a piece of silver that had not been polished in a while. I was left to sit and become dull. Why could I not get some polish and make myself bright and shiny again like I was when we met. I was so full of life and it seemed the more distant he got the life was sucked out of me never to return. I felt angry and unimportant like I wanted to hate him in a sense but I couldn’t because I remembered everything he said to me in the beginning and was on the bridge with me to my happy ever after but it seems as though the bridge split and there was no way to fix the gap and it was too big of a gap for us to jump over so we are just stuck. How can we repair this. Do we have to go brick by brick? I feel sensual like I want to feel his touch. I miss feeling his breath on the back of my neck as we slept or the tender kisses he would place on my forehead as I slept. He would always hold me close during the night never letting me go until we work that morning. Could I have all of this again with him? I feel sad at the memories that tears are forming in my eyes. I do not want to release them because once I do I am unsure when they will stop. Is this me holding back or leaning back? Ingrid was so expressinve with her definition. I feel confused and unloved by him. I asked for the break because we were making each other miserable. I am more miserable without him. I am missing him terribly.



  70.  #70Jackie on April 16, 2010 at 6:05 am

    Oh wow. Ok I’m feeling very scared, panicky (sp?), and uncomfortable. I started this story on another thread – the newest introduction thread, but its faster to just bounce of someone’s last post than find that.

    Rori told me I had to practice my skills through Circular Dating. I realllly don’t want to. But I signed up with an online site today, I guess that will atleast open up the number of people I interact with to start practicing the tools and we’ll see what happens.

    This feels sooooooooo scary and ugggg 🙁 wrong. I know right now I’m in an imaginary relationship and without committment I’m disrespecting myself by being exclusive, but ickkkk!

    Just had to put that somewhere. Hugs and have a good day everyone.



  71.  #71Simply Shannon on April 16, 2010 at 6:48 am

    Daria: I LOVED reading your post (#59). Your honesty and vulnerability feel palpable to me. Like I’m sitting in the room with you and you are talking softly and telling me how you feel. And I want to hug you and tell you that you can have everything you want. Hell, I want to give it to you on a silver platter.

    Gosh. I feel weird. I feel turned on. I feel longing for touch. And then strangely that switches and I want to rock my babies. I want to help them, love them, hold them. And now tears and sadness. Gosh. What is this? I feel sad. brb.



  72.  #72TW on April 16, 2010 at 7:04 am

    Simply Shannon-

    I know exactly how you feel and once you get to my post you will understand why… GIrl I just feel you like you are sitting in my office with me.



  73.  #73Simply Shannon on April 16, 2010 at 7:27 am

    Phew. I released a whole lotta just now outta nowhere. This has been happening to me for a few days now. I feel better afterwards but it feels weird to cry four days in a row. I think holding it in makes it feel worse to me. The sadness just grows and grows until it HAS to come out. Guess I had been storing it up.

    TW: I hear you missing your ex. I’m kind of in the same boat with Mr. Fab Kisser. I’m going on a date with someone else tonight and he knows it. It’s not an official break-up, but something needed to change. I finally had to reconcile in my heart that I did not want what we had as my “forever story”. And I decided I was okay with letting go of the old and starting fresh.

    I guess I’m wondering if you are really ready to let go of the old and start new. If you are, then this has to be about YOU. I know I feel scared as hell, like I’m shutting the door on something that was so good. But the thing is, it was NOT that good or I wouldn’t even consider closing the door. But I found that once I shut the door, I felt free. It does NOT mean that Mr. Fab Kisser cannot walk his happy butt around my house and walk in a different door. He can but HE has to want to, ya know?

    I am literally going through this right now. This is where my sadness is coming from. I feel scared and sad for what I have lost. At the same time, I feel proud and relieved for letting go of what I don’t want. It’s a shift that’s happening that says I have freed up space for what I do want. And it looks like Mr. Fab Kisser is attempting to step it up. So we’ll see. Tonight I go out with Mr. Masculine Man. I feel scared about it too but I’m going. I will unzip my heart with the man in front of me and may the best man win.

    (((HUGS))) Do not be afraid. It feels exhausting to hold on so tight to the past. What does your world look like if you let go?



  74.  #74TW on April 16, 2010 at 7:38 am

    Simply Shannon-

    I feel afraid of self expression. I feel overwhelmed and tense at the thought of expressing myself to him because it makes me vulnerable and I lose control of the situation which is my ultimate fear of just letting go and being in the moment. I feel as if I let go then I have lost the real me but in a sense I do not know who the real me is anymore. I feel like I am carrying a full term baby (which is my emotions) and it is time to give birth but I am afraid of labor because it brings all of the pain but out of the pain is a baby. Something new. Something trainable. Something for me to hold and nurture. Anyone who has had a child knows that your first child is pretty much trial and error. You have the mother instincs but you do not know that all of the choices you make are the right ones so you just go with things sometimes just to see. Does that make sense?



  75.  #75Simply Shannon on April 16, 2010 at 7:59 am

    I feel confused. When I read your post, I feel tense, like I’m reading about a life or death decision. Gosh I know how that feels. I felt so scared to tell Mr. Fab Kisser that I was going on a date with someone else. I felt sick with fear. Literally. And I feel nervous about talking with him face to face. I feel worried that I will say or do something and things will end completely.

    But then I take a breath. I go outside. I look at the flowers, I do something I enjoy. I take my mind off of him and off of the future. I believe God has a plan for me. I trust God completely. Phew. And my intense feelings ease off. I trust myself to say NO I do not want what we had. I do not want XYZ.

    My plan for now is to wait and see what I feel when I see Mr. Fab Kisser. Maybe I’ll feel really happy to see him. Or I might feel really weird seeing him. I don’t know. But I can’t think about that right now. It feels overwhelming.

    TW, have you tried circular dating? Even though I feel nervous, I also feel pretty excited about my date tonight. It’s just the reminder I need that I will not die if Mr. Fab Kisser does not step up. There are other men out there. I will be okay no matter what.



  76.  #76Neytiri on April 16, 2010 at 7:59 am

    Ok, so our first kiss is whenever he leans in for the first time, but…

    If its a first date, where do you draw the line?

    Where do you stop on a first date, so that you are not giving a guy the wrong idea?

    Is there such a thing as kissing a guy too soon?

    I understand this is probably subjective depending on the girl and the guy involved HOWEVER

    I’d like to hear if there’s anything universal about this that would apply to all of us



  77.  #77TW on April 16, 2010 at 8:05 am

    Simply Shannon-

    I have a fear of the unknown and losing control. I have prayed aobut this and I know that God is in control and he will do what is best for me and that puts my mind back at ease. Makes me feel protected. No I have not tried circular dating because right now I do not have the time and I do not feel ready just yet. I will date others eventually just not right now. I am taking some deep breaths in my office and calming down. Praying and reflecting on what I want and need and what makes me feel good.



  78.  #78TW on April 16, 2010 at 8:06 am

    Neytiri-

    It is what you feel inside that matters. If you want to kiss then kiss. If you feel comfortable doing other things then do that. It is about what you feel in the moment not him or anyone else.



  79.  #79mary on April 16, 2010 at 9:37 am

    HelloOOOOOOOooo!

    I’m having some fabulous luck! I’m over the moon! I met a HANDSOME GERMAN guy last night. He’s smitten. I’m talking with a COOL CAT online. I’m undone. I’m going to date night at the restaurant tonight! I’m excited!

    Circular dating circular DATING CIRcular dating circuLAR dating circular DATing circular datING CIRCULAR DATING.

    I’m in.



  80.  #80Rori Raye on April 16, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Yaaaaay Mary!



  81.  #81Rori Raye on April 16, 2010 at 10:07 am

    Daria – see if you can cut your list down to 3 dealbreakers, and let the rest go….Love, Rori



  82.  #82TW on April 16, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Ladies-

    I feel so overwhelmed right now. I feel confused and delerious with my thoughts liek they re taking over me. I feel the need to get them out. I feel like crying and drowning in my tears…. ARG!!!!!!



  83.  #83Goodheart on April 16, 2010 at 11:25 am

    Dear Universe, I want to know how to be in a fulfilling, committed, intimate relationship with a man.

    I want to know how to attract the right man for me effortlessly into my life.

    I want great love & self-esteem so that I can let go of the wall & fly freely with absolutely no fear.

    Thank you 🙂



  84.  #84TW on April 16, 2010 at 11:31 am

    Goodheart-

    I like that.. I want the universe to do the same for me!!!



  85.  #85Goodheart on April 16, 2010 at 11:51 am

    TW, I know it will! I had to sit & really try to feel what it was that I needed. I used to just say I want my soulmate. Well, I think I may have gotten close a couple times, but he slipped away. I think this fits more with my needs.



  86.  #86TW on April 16, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Goodheart-

    I really feel that the last guy was more of the soul mate type for me but if the Universe sees fit then we shall be once again. I would love to see him though. I miss talking to him and stuff. We had great conversations but at least we still keep in contact somewhat even if it is by text you know. He will send me one and I will respond or I will send him something. Stuff like that. If he let me go completely then he would not text and stuff. There would be no need. I am not giving up hope of rebuilding a connection but putting it away for a while until I feel comfortable with my feeligs. I just do not want to blurt something out you know. I want to be authentic.



  87.  #87Goodheart on April 16, 2010 at 12:09 pm

    TW, authentic is where it’s at. Your guy must still think of you. It’s hard to say what’s going on with him & that’s where we need to stop trying to even figure it out. This is really good for you right now – the not having a conversation. In my opinion. It’s giving you time to get to where you need to be – in that authentic space. Where you feel confident & happy. Then when he does want to talk you wont’ even worry or think about what to say to him. It will just be natural. And you’ll blow him away!



  88.  #88TW on April 16, 2010 at 12:22 pm

    Goodheart-

    I think that is why we have not talked. Texting here and there but no conversation. I can say that he has been open to it but it has not happened which means to me that the timing is not right. I am still trying to find parts of myself you know. I feel empty at times but I know that emptiness is coming from being loenely, tired, busy, amongst other things. I am emotionally prepared to deal with him but not mentally all the time. I think in the end it is going to be okay because I know if we get back together that I have to have boundaries that make me feel safe in the NEW RELATIONSHIP whereas I no longer felt safe in the old relationship. It is going to be great when I do get to say all of those things.



  89.  #89Goodheart on April 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

    TW, it will be great when you can say all those things from a place of confidence & firm boundaries. This time right now is just what you need. I’m working on getting to that place too. Haven’t really been dating & certainly not interested in anyone right now so it will be interesting when there is actually a man to use all this new found goddessness on.



  90.  #90TW on April 16, 2010 at 3:33 pm

    Goodheart… I hope it is soon… I feel excited. I’m just ready to see if we can work things out. If not then we can just move on you know and I can officially let go instead of going on hope or assumptions.



  91.  #91Jackie on April 16, 2010 at 5:08 pm

    Good evening ladies. Hmmmm I could have sworn I posted here this morning, but apparently it didn’t go through.

    This morning’s post was about me feeling all scared because I took a big step today and signed up at a dating site. Still working on the profile. I’m feeling a little better about it for right now, but now I’m feeling edgy about what to expect and what I’m supposed to do.



  92.  #92dorothea on April 16, 2010 at 5:56 pm

    I am considering purchasing the commitment blueprint program. i feel hesitant because i work for a non profit that might be folding soon, so i will be out of a job, and i don’t want to make irresponsible financial decisions.

    it would feel great to hear what those of you who have used commitment blueprint think about it, and what it helped you with.



  93.  #93Turtle Girl on April 16, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    Rori-

    Thank you so much for finally rewriting my “script”!

    And yes, I am a “tough chick” as you put it. I really so appreciate the brutal truth, honestly put. I am not here to be babied or coddled. I am here to grow and learn.
    So use and abuse me any time!! Ha! lol!!!

    I do see what you mean about being a tad condescending. I did not really mean it that way, but yes, I guess I did have a tone to my words. *sigh* More out of frustration than trying to treat him like he is five years old. Not denying that it sounded like that, just saying I was blindsided and put off. I see where the way you put it was a bit softer. I feel like I am in class and I get better at this all the time.

    The latest CD guy has not asked to be my girlfriend, nor defined any terms whatsoever. It’s a relief to me because then I don’t have to deal with the speech. But sooner or later it is gonna come up. He referred to me as his girlfriend in a convo when he was talking in 3rd person about something. Oh, no. Shit.
    So-this post came at a good time for me to use it, cause I know it’s coming. Thank you so much Rori for all that you do and I really enjoy this blog and all the sirens here. Love to all. xxxxooo



  94.  #94dorothea on April 16, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    nevermind about my last comment about commitment blueprint. i have no doubts. i just need to decide if i can spend the monies monies.



  95.  #95Tina on April 16, 2010 at 9:19 pm

    Dorothea, I needed 300 bucks today for something I ordered and it was ready today! I committed myself to get it on the phone so I was all in a panic about not sticking to my email I sent, anyway the 300 dollars showed up in a form of a check hehe 312.00 dollars to be exact Wow. I didnt do anything, I wrote out my fear on paper about how I would find a solution and I did hehe. It really was a no brainer! Oh and when I went to pick up my order, someone had already gave the guy forty dollars towards my order lol, fck I love the Universe 🙂



  96.  #96Tina on April 16, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    I like what Rori wrote to Daria about writing at least three deal breakers and let the rest go Love it! This is where I get into trouble, I love my feelings 🙂



  97.  #97dorothea on April 16, 2010 at 10:09 pm

    The Universe is so good to us.

    Last week I was really feeling worried about money so I scaled back all my spending big time. I still had to spend my money on necessities (and a birthday present for someone important) but then all sorts free money just started showing up. Basically when I quit being so worried about being able to spend so little, and just simply spent less and felt grateful for even the little i could spend instead of wanting, my vibe must have shifted.

    First when I was buying a gift, the clerk couldn’t find a price tag on any of this one particular item i was buying so he just shrugged and said well it looks like this is free and put it in my bag. lol. apathy wins!

    then i went to buy gift wrap and a tag from walgreens and the clerk gave me the wrapping paper i bought. really strange. and GREAT.

    i have also found myself in a sudden rash of free social food sitations. I usually spend soooo much money going out for food with other people. I quit doing this because I am saving money now instead of burning it to oblivion. But then my old company invites me out to an office thing and i get free drinks and food all night long. i found myself volunteering at a formal chili cook off as a favor and of course ate free all day long at a chill bar with chill people.

    I could go on and on. The universe and I really love each other, though the universe and I are actually the same, so I guess “we” is really just one of “us” being extremely conceited.;P

    As a side note and inspiration, I really encourage everyone here to feel more gratitude for whatever you can because raising your vibe and appreciation directly translates into love for yourself.

    my vibes are SO good that I get what I want SO MUCH. I feel so grateful for this marvelous trick.

    Today my goal was to raise my overall vibe and see how that felt because my vibes had turned obsessive over a great man I’m seeing and it was starting to scare me and get so intense that i figured he could FEEL my creepy vibes lol. and although I didn’t necessarily feel “good” or “high” on vibes, or even get him out of my head, I can still definitely see how reminding myself that “raising my good vibes” was a priority today and the frequent thought of this goal brought me good juju all day long from the universe.

    i mean SERIOUSLY good juju and special favor from the universe. I’M ON VIP STATUS WITH THE UNIVERSE, because the universe is on vip status with me.

    tonight i feel less afraid of everything that has been consuming me. i see now that the universe will take care of me if i take care of it with trust and open heartedness that sends positive vibes out from me, not fearful and mistrusting vibes.

    I could go on and on…sorry…lol…love my rambling feelings.

    I am feeling SO excited, though. I have read and heard about this principle in books and on tv and stuff and accepted it as ‘true’ but for the first time in my life i SEE it and GET IT.

    I feel like a magician. a magic warrior queen.
    I feel like I am a universe maestro and I orchestrate how the universe aligns in my favor. I am mickey mouse with the fantasia brooms except the brooms actually obey me (i am developing the skill of the old wizard but refuse to identify with his harsh old man face as i am a wholly softer and different magic creature).



  98.  #98Nita on April 16, 2010 at 11:34 pm

    Dear Rori,
    I am accepting my feelings so much more than ever and it feels so good, at the same time discovering new feelings, or should i say feelings that were so hidden i was not consciously aware of them. things ive been working on: living the moment especially when with a guy and dating, being in touch with my feelings wether its excitement, happy, sad, nervous, anxious, scared, and either saying it outloud or just being aware of it in my body. well..im practicing feeling feelings and just being authentic. crazyiest thing, right before i met up on second date with a guy i really liked i felt nervous. i decided instead of denying the feeling, i parked my car and just let the feeling take over and completely accept it and it is so true what you say, it just goes away! it was a very relaxing exercise and i was amazed at the process… well, basically this is what is happening to me. this guy i bring up and i have only been on two dates, but the chemistry is great!! i lean back, i feel, and i am enjoying our time:) the only thing is that doing these exercises and feeling and stuff makes me feel attached to him! i guess its because i feel so vulnerable, sigh im confused. i dont even want to date any one else. does this make sense? i hope you reply, am starting to feel like maybe my questions are childish or strange? any insight would be great



  99.  #99gina on April 17, 2010 at 12:17 am

    I’m so glad rori pointed out the subtle differences that are so huge!!

    I almost lost my opportunity with the magazine tonight for the second time. Which would really suck, since I am head over heals in love with it. But I absolutely from my guts can not stand my boss. His face annoys me, his voice annoys me, his vibe annoys me. I feel like a total bitch saying so, but I feel just repulsed by his presence. I wish I could say it’s cause he’s a bonafide jerk, but he’s not. I, however, seem to be a bonifide B-word. He’s just annoying. we’re opposites. I like to dig in details, and he likes to jump around from idea to idea. He is super relationship oriented, and I’m introverted. I feel this energy coming from him of NEED and I hate it. Tonight, the designer of the magazine pulled him aside to ask what is the problem between him and me because he worried that the tension is so intense, a client would sense it. I don’t like him, but I think I could deal with that, except that he wants us to be so close. That’s what I think he meant by being his “business wife” – like he calls me late at night to tell me some idea. And I could be okay with that, except that there’s this personal dynamic that creeps me out. I sense that he’s trying to coordinate some romantic situation, and I feel disrespected and manipulated and furious. I passive-aggressively dealt with it by telling him (as a “friend”) how much I like another guy, and he said that he felt super jealous, and went on and on about how he wants to be “the cutest one around.” and he just couldn’t believe that I didn’t pick him. And then he texted me “be careful” – which probably was in reference to the guy I like, except that I sensed that he was telling me to be careful cause he correctly assumed that I purposefully missed his last phone call (I figured he had something weird to say about the guy I like), and was saying to me “be careful” of the way I’m making him feel – that he’s not going to want me around if I’m liking other guys and skipping his phone calls. In the midst of it all, he said something about how “I will love” him.

    But at the same time, I feel guilty: why am I so disgusted by this poor person who I would feel compassion for if it wasn’t me who he was needing from. Ugh. I just get the creeps. like ugh get off! And quit talking about that! Like I just have this sense of how things “should” be, and he disrupts it every time – we’re on different wave lengths. And what frustrates me is that I don’t know if he is aware. No, what frustrates me is that I think he IS aware, and he tries to change my vibe – manipulate me. And he’s like, well, but I’m your boss. Do you want to leave the team, or are you going to adjust your attitude. And of course, I don’t blame him. I do hate his guts. Do I pretend, do I change my job in relationship to him? I like being the chief operations officer, cause I get to have a hand in everything…but it means that I’m supposed to be all lovey dovey with this guy. After the designer pulled him aside, he pulled me aside. I told him that I feel overwhelmed by his need, and that I sense him trying to ‘get’ me in general, but that I was convinced when he said that he felt jealous, and now I feel defensive and disgusted. He said that from now on our meetings will be in public and that he didn’t mean to disrespect me.



  100.  #100gina on April 17, 2010 at 12:32 am

    I am completely aware that I sound like a psycho in that last post. I know that this is my craziness – how can I change this. It is massively bad.



  101.  #101gina on April 17, 2010 at 12:35 am

    At other opportunities, this massive bitch has reared her ugly head, and even though I may have had the most potential, someone else got picked over me to do something. I guess those were things I didn’t want to do. Kind of. Like with the Dove campaign, I felt resistant cause they were using us and I began to feel like a pawn. But, if I was smarter, I’d be like SWEET, use me as your pawn. And if I was smarter and this situation, I would say SWEET, you love me. Perfect.



  102.  #102dorothea on April 17, 2010 at 7:12 am

    gina u don’t sound like a psycho. sounds like u need to talk to your boss about this issue. quick.

    my boss was picking on me really bad and putting me down in front of other people. u have to tell ur boss that he’s disrupting your ability to work.

    remind him that since he’s your boss it feels unfair and uncomfortable because you can’t respond freely when you feel bad because you don’t actually ever want to disrespect him, especially in front of other people.

    you’ll be surprised at how well the conversation will probably go. and u can do it on a day when u won’t see him for a while after that, so that if it goes poorly there will be time to “reset” between u two.

    be brave, gina! you got this.



  103.  #103dorothea on April 17, 2010 at 8:43 am

    oh i should add that i DID try to get another job. haha. but it didn’t work out so i made the best of what i had. no other options right now. if you really want to do this magazine thing then you just gotta talk to the man.

    and u don’t sound like a psycho right now; u have every right to feel how u feel, even if it’s not his fault (which it at least sorta is lol)



  104.  #104cookie on April 17, 2010 at 9:53 am

    I’m owning the fact that I’m a very jealous person. And possessive. It hurts me when I see people taking care of other people and it feels like no one will do those things for me. I want to be feminine and allow people to help me but I don’t know how to need other people. I’ve always been the dependable one who had it going on. But I need love and support to but I don’t know how to get it. I don’t want to be fake and ask for help in things just to act helpless but I don’t where I can get help in my life. I’m realizing by watching my guy interacting with hus friends and family that he is very helpful and supportive and I remember when he used to be this way with me but… I feel like I’m the rock that he can depend on and he is out there loving and supporting everyone else. He recently said he doesn’t need me, which hurt a little when he said it mostly because I was like than what the hell is my purpose. But also because it further exemplifies how I’m the masculine energy in the relationship. Everytime I say something he says I can find someone else. I’m so sick of hearing that I don’t know what to say when he says that. Usually I go into trying to convince him that he is who I want. But this last time, I said I don’t want to hear that shit, that I was getting pissed off. Then I was quiet. He turned around and asked if I still wanted him to help with my hair. I want to shift the energy around permanently. How I can get more love? How does one become more feminine? Without being fake? Or desperate? Bc the truth is I do need a man in my life. Yes I’m independent and employed and responsible and earnest, etc. But I still need a man or men to hold and kiss me and do loving things for me, to make love with me. Etc. I always felt this gaping emptiness in that area. I have been the healer for many men and then they go on. I want a man to stay with me for life. My man and I have been together for almost 9 yrs. I don’t want him to go. I want to learn how to encourage his love for decades to come. I want to invite more men with my feminity. The jealousy is lousy and taking over my mental space. I feel angry and sad and bitter and cranky. I need help.



  105.  #105Lucy on April 17, 2010 at 10:00 am

    Cookie — Do you have the Modern Siren program? It’s all about finding your feminine energy and using that to drawn in a masculine man.

    <3
    Lucy



  106.  #106Jackie on April 17, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Hugs Cookie. I feel very sad hearing where you find yourself. I don’t know what to say other than I empathize and probably even sympathize because reading what you wrote helped me to realize that one of the place’s I’ve gotten lost in would also be a feeling of envy and jealousy for similar reasons to yours. I find myself thinking: “I don’t ask for much. Why can’t I get the few things I need out of my relationship. He does it for others”

    Hugs again – I feel so sorry for what you are feeling right now.



  107.  #107mary on April 17, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Mmmmmm, help already!

    I’m not following the post. (Sorry!) I’m sitting at the airport waiting for my plane, and I’m gonna go help my mom recover from surgery, so I’ve been toooooo busy.

    But I’ve encountered a familiar problem during my brief sojourn into the dangerous world of dating.

    Let’s call it the intermittent attachment. I met this guy last weekend, the one who came over from another island, and he did come a long way to see me, and he did pay quite a lot to get us into the art gallery, but I didn’t like him so much. He had mannerisms that were feminine, although his actions were quite masculine.

    Ever since then, he’s been casually sending one-liners or two-liners to me via Plenty of Fish. So I log onto my email, then log onto Plenty of Fish only to find a few well-crafted over-the-top-intelligent comments about HIM. (And he also said I had pretty eyes.) He usually tells me what he’s listening to, so one night, he emailed that he had just baked some cookies, and I said, “Yes, but what are you listening to?” And he emailed back, “YOU.” (Usually he tells me what it is, then I find it on U-tube and report back.) This time I said, “Oh, let me find that on you-tube.”

    OH, he has me. And this is what worries me. Sounds like he’s already managing down my expectations! I don’t know where the tide turned and I suddenly became addicted to looking for his emails. Our conversation is only about twenty entries long, but I’m totally , unbelievably, scarily falling for him.

    What’s wrong with me?

    Sometimes he emails. Sometimes not. Maybe it’s like that thing they did with the dog when they just gave the dog treats SOME of the time when he performed. That made him perform ALL THE TIME. The other dog, who always got a treat, performed WAY LESS, because he was sure he’d get something when he took action.

    I’m not sure what to do about this without leaning forward.

    Just ignore this amazing guy?

    Wait it out?

    Give him a speech, this early in the courtship maneuvers?

    Maybe he’s just one of those guys who needs time. And more time. And more time.

    Enter Mary. She’s so good at giving time! And more time. And even more time. Hey, take all the time you need! She’ll still be there.

    Or maybe now she’ll be out with K, or J, or R2 or G!

    Yes! for progress! Yes! for options! Yes! for living in my own feelings of power!

    Now, how to say Yes! to this guy? I’m waiting again. It’s been a couple of days since he’s emailed. But I’ll hear from him again…

    Any ideas? Thank you so much!



  108.  #108Lucy on April 17, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Ah, Mary, the old intermittent reinforcement trick! I, too, am a sucker for that! In fact, on another thread, I just wrote about how I am really attracted to a guy who is a bit of a challenge. Yeah, they feed you lots of tasty morsels, then deprive you for a little while, then feed you some more . . . and you never know when the next treat might come along so you keep hanging in there craving it and respond every time it arrives — just like Skinner’s rats. And the worst part is that intermittent reinforcement increases resistance to extinction!

    But, I feel a bit confused about one part — where you said you didn’t really like him in person. Have you been with him in person again and did that initial feeling change?



  109.  #109Tina on April 17, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    Daria, I dont know what I look like anymore! I’m feeling like “who are you anyway?” my idea of who I am is quite different from others, but I did meet this elder women, she seems to kinda know me lol. We laughed for almost three hours, her telling me stories, she likes to smoke pot from time to time, I dont agree with it but yeah, it helps her with her physcial illness, she must be in her 70’s.



  110.  #110la la land on April 18, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    no defense is so hard
    since i started this process my life became a lab, everything is tested to weather i was talking had or heart weather i was learning or playing defense.
    the scary part is that every time i do wrong [play defense from my head ] i fall into a pile of rage by my husband. while i was airing all my mistakes and behaviors he aired all his anger and rage and he became super open and sensitive. so on the good days its all affection optimism amazing sex sleeping like babies etc. but the bad days are extremely harsh. its like the fact that i took the choice to save this marriage gave him a notion that this is for life so every-time i do old stuff he state he feels like a hostage and then he says terrible things to me , like he lost all the defense system we had built all this years. so , im working practicing etc but how do i protect myself when i m wrong?



  111.  #111gigi on April 22, 2010 at 7:07 am

    These responses seem to get off topic, but to Gina, I can only say I had a situation at work and I did address it and it worked out to my favor, happily. I’d asked for a transfer due to agressive behavior on one of my coworkers, and stated my reasons and the HR director decided to transfer the abusing staff person, since she was bringing down the morale of the whole staff. Things are more peaceful now!

    The original question about dating topic was about asking if people are seeing others and that seems to be assumed even after a few dates, unless there is a “sexual” relationship (my opinion) when one has a right to know from a health viewpoint. The simplest old fashioned way was that there was just dating until someone offered a commitment of some sort (ie: exclusivity) and then the relationship could move fwd.
    Unfortunately, with the physical component running high in modern times, both sides, mostly women, want to know if their date is a player and that would be a question worth asking. Then, you have a date who lies and that really doesn’t solve a thing. I know I’ve been burned and men do go through the same thing (not wanting to be last to know!) and do get hurt as well. Men at my age are on the “if I’m cold then I won’t get hurt” kind of thinking and they just want a quick hook up now and then, no emotions to deal with.



  112.  #112Hava on April 22, 2010 at 7:29 am

    Hi Rori
    I am 56, dating men in their 50’s. I want a long-term committed relationship (doesn’t have to be marriage, but at least living together, with a future of caring for each other) I am tired of weekend relationships. I have had several relationships in the past 2 years that folowed the same pattern. I try to follow your advice about not getting exclusive without commitment. But, soonet or later I run out of patience cause the men (who excitedly promised commitment in the beginning) did not stand up to the plate and the relationship started stalling, or they turned out to be jerks, like the one who told me that football was more important than me. For the past month and a half I’ve been dating a sweet and caring 59 year-old widower with old fashion values. He said he hasn’t had sex in 5 years. (his wife died 4 years ago after a long illness, and he took care of her) He’s not good looking like the others, but he’s very romantic and generous, and I am attracted to him. He says “I want you to be my girl”. I asked him what he means by “my girl”? “you know” etc… So I gave him the speech of “We both want each other just to ourselves, but for me exclusivity comes with commitment (which may be too early in our relationship), but commitment means for me a promise to share life together, live together, take care of each other, and put each other before anyone else in the world”. He said that was exactly what he wants, and if I decide to be with him, I will be first, even before his children (who are grown). He’s so dedicated to me (today he’s taking me to the doctor), revealed his deepest secrets to me, etc. I don’t want to hurt him when he says “I don’t want anyone touching you” etc. I can see myself sharing life with him (except, we haven’t made love yet). He said “I am falling in love with you” but he hasn’t said “I am in love, or I love you”. I am not dating others right now because I wasn’t asked out by anyone lately, but I also don’t to be too available to him, so I go see my sons and grandchildren, or go out with a girlfriend. Rori, How do I overcome my anxiety and ingrained impatience when it comes to waiting for the man to be specific with his intentions, meaning SHOW ME ACTION, NOT JUST WORDS! I am not getting any younger. Should I set a time limit? THank you ,
    Love,
    Hava



  113.  #113Rowan on April 22, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Here is my attempt at authentic communication. Please let me know what you think.

    (history:) I’ve been dating great guy for about six months now. We have a wonderful time together! The trouble is I don’t hear from him (he is presumably busy studying for a professional certification) from Monday -Thursday and I have fallen into the trap of being his standing date on the weekends -with the exception of my activities with friends. I don’t want this to continue but am not sure how to break up this assumption.

    Here is what I plan to say to him tonight (we have a kickball date). me:”I am going home. See you later.” him: why? me: “I feel uncomfortable spending all my free time with you. I don’t want to feel like I am being taken for granted.”

    Is this a good idea? or should I wait for him to bring something up/ ask a leading question. Also, I feel the need to make up an excuse (I’ve got a lot of stuff to do /errands to run). I assume this is not the right thing to do. Any advice is greatly appreciated.



  114.  #114Rori Raye on April 22, 2010 at 2:04 pm

    Rowan, Welcome, and here’s the thing…Why are you going home? To just go away without sharing your feelings first seems a bit like a game. – Please, no “making up” of anything. Intimacy is all about honesty. Vulnerability. If you’re not getting your needs met, then your job is to stop being exclusive with him and date other men – and to STILL be warm, open, vulnerable, receiving of all the good things he gives when he IS with you. If what you need is more contact…asking him for it will just put pressure on things…try saying…”I’m feeling concerned that we’re not a good match. I need a bit more contact than we’re having during the week, and it doesn’t feel good to ask for it…perhaps we’re just different? I’m not sure what to do so that I don’t feel taken for granted…” This way – it’s a much more authentic conversation…Love, Rori



  115.  #115Rori Raye on April 22, 2010 at 3:49 pm

    Hava – I LIKE THIS MAN!!!! His actions are wonderful!!! Just keep going out with him, and have fun, and let him love you, and don’t get into serious discussions!!!! Don’t play games…and YOU have to be the one to start revealing YOUR secrets!!! Why aren’t you having sex with him? Is there some reason you’re holding back? It’s going to be delicate for both of you…take it slow…but surely you can be making out and experimenting….Love, Rori



  116.  #116Hava on April 22, 2010 at 7:38 pm

    Dear Rori,
    Thanks for answering. It’s the man who’s holding back on having sex (although I gave him plenty of clues that I was willing). He likes holding hands, touching, caressing, which is great, but until last week he did not initiate anything beyond that (and I don’t think I should initiate the first time). He had hinted that he gets some treatment (a testasterone patch). Also, he might have some inhibitions, because it’s been 5 years since he had done it. But, since last week, he started getting more passionate, and finally, made reservations, for this coming weekend, at a hotel where we’ll stay overnight for the first time. This man is very nice. (he calls me “My Queen, and I call him “My King”). He texts and calls once or twice a day. He went with me to the Dr. and waited until I was done with my stress test. Afterward, he treated me to a nice lunch (unlike a guy I dated before, he never lets me pay), then, he bought me some sexy lingere…
    My concerns are: 1) Although he’s been to my house many times, I have never been to his. Also, his step daughter and her son live with him (in a 3 bedroom house with 1 bath). 2) He’s missing a lot of teeth (in the back of his mouth). 3) He’s never gone to college or visited a museum (I have an MA).



  117.  #117Jenn on May 1, 2010 at 11:59 am

    Hi Rori,

    I got asked out by this guy whom I only met once in a workshop…he wrote me and email and asked me out after I complained on my FB how guys are not stepping up and how they are throwing their balls in the women’s court and want women to be the one to pursue.

    Well…I don’t feel anything for him…no chemistry and I know he was interested in me when we met at the workshop… I don’t like that feeling of “yuck…I don’t like you….” Though I have not talk to him long but I don’t see myself with him at all.

    Do I and must I force myself to go out with him just as to learn any message or lesson he has to bring for me….? Sigh. I’m not feeling enthusiastic at all… I don’t like to go out with guys whom I feel no chemistry with… it’s yucky for me..I dunno why…

    What should I do…

    Do I have any other guys to date? Nope. Haven’t been dating for awhile…I’m just enjoying the me time now… and trying to build my confidence~~



  118.  #118Rori Raye on May 2, 2010 at 12:07 am

    Jenn – If you can get tons of men around you, it will be clear where you don’t want to go out with a man a second time…..but the clue that you’re not serving yourself is that you haven’t been “dating” at all. It takes a bit of “boy” work to get yourself in circulation again – and you can DO it! Love, Rori



  119.  #119Lisa on May 3, 2010 at 7:29 pm

    Hi Turtle Girl!

    I’m so glad to see Rori addressing you here. I still check in now and again, and by chance happened to see where you had mentioned me in the comments awhile back — thanks for thinking of me! I always liked your vibe, friend, and I hope you’re doing very well.

    This is an amazing site where honest women can help each other; it’s a rare blessing — hosannas to Rori. I’ve learned from those I disagree with as well as those who seem to have it together.

    Be well, Turtle,

    L.



  120.  #120Wonderful Lady on May 4, 2010 at 3:08 am

    Hi Everyone,
    I feel really good that I have been reading these boards and getting to know all of you. Thank you all for being open and sharing with us.

    Am working at becoming my own siren, have Rori’s ebook and ordered the blueprint.
    Anyway – just wanted to share my lean back “EXPERIENCE” with you all.

    Just for a background on my previous behavior with the man. I would run to his car to see him when he pulled up to the curb. Which I thought was a good thing. After all he drives 1.5 hours to see me! I throw myself into his arms and plant a million kisses on him. I always reach out to him & touch him, kiss him and pretty much throw myself at/on him as often as possible. This is what he got from me for the past 3 months until last Wednesday….

    Last Wednesday, multiple times I positioned myself in the “lean back”. It felt awesome when he would say, “Why are you so far away?” and scootch next to me on the couch or reach out to grab me on the porch, reach out to kiss me and pull me close to him. Which happened SO many times I can not even count.

    I felt really uncomfortable with the feeling messages. I wish there was a thread just on feeling messages. Saying, I feel really good with you here and I feel really good seeing you can only go so far and that is kinda all I have. Also, it is hard not to call him and sometimes I fail and always regret it afterward.

    We are NOT in a relationship, he is NOT my boyfriend, we ARE “sexually” exclusive. He is not dating anyone but me. I am just starting to try to CD but it is a little hard. I don’t think he will care if I did date other people – he always says, “Do what you want.”

    I sometimes want him to commit to me, throw himself on the rocks and leave his other life behind. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know him and maybe I don’t REALLY want all that. BUT I really think if he offered me all that I would take it in a second!!!!



  121.  #121Rori Raye on May 4, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Wonderful Lady – BRAVA to YOU!!! Feeling Messages just take practice. They take writing them down and memorizing what you’ve written and practicing. Also – I did a “scripting” teleclass a couple of weeks ago – and it was incredibly fun and helpful. If you’d be interested let me know here – also – to all – you can “friend” me on Facebook if you like, and sign up at my fan page, too, from there…and that way you’ll get information when I’m doing a small group coaching or class or something I can only take a few participants for and I don’t post it here…Love, Rori



  122.  #122Wonderful Lady on May 4, 2010 at 10:40 am

    Hi Everyone,
    I am totally interested in the “scripting” teleclass. Will it be available as a product? Will you have another? I think I just messed up and signed up for the one you just had…. hah. 😛



  123.  #123extrime on May 7, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    I bookmarked this link . Thank you for good job !



  124.  #124aprilshowers on May 13, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    I felt great reading this! I have always been the tough-girl with the smart-alecky response to everyone, especially men. Turtlegirl’s words could have easily been my own.

    I feel so encouraged. I feel like Rori is handing us a set of keys to great love-lives. It just feels so futile to keep trying to do it my way (which NEVER worked) and it feels refreshing to try something new.

    Thanks, Rori!