A New Way to Comment With New Reply Threads For You

Untitled design (14)

Hi, you may have noticed I’m tweaking things here…I wanted to make it easier for you to write..so I’m trying out “threaded comments” – so you can actually talk to each other more easily and directly.

I’ll keep tweaking the colors and pictures and stuff like that…but for now, please try it all out and let me know how it works for you.

Just find a comment you want to reply to, hit the “reply” link, and your new comment will end up in a box underneath the comment you’re replying to.ย  (You’ll notice my old replies are appearing in the boxes.)

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Ann on January 18, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Hi Rori, just stopped in for a minute. I wanted to tell you the blog looks GREAT! I LOVE the way you have it set up to reply directly to the poster your comenting too. You give so much.

  2.  #2diamond on January 18, 2010 at 7:18 pm

    Love the new look!

  3.  #3dorothea on January 18, 2010 at 8:40 pm

    Rori, thank you for your dedication to our community.

  4.  #4Daria on January 18, 2010 at 10:52 pm

    Hey… I have a dating question.

    (I had a date tonite with a man who drove to me wooo hoo)

    When men come to my town to meet me, from out of town, they say they don’t know what to do and that its my town. and that i should show them around, or lead the way, or pick something to do.

    i litreally sat in the restaurant for 15 minutes saying.. i dont know. i dont know… i dont know what do you think… whatever u think is fine.

    it didnt feel good. in fact i still feel kinda icky even tho the rest of date was (could have been great). but i keep focusing on this interaction.

    and also that well… it makes sense. i mean they dont know anything going on in my town…

    so how do i handle this aspect of circular dating? i dont think its mentioned in Targeting

  5.  #5Daria on January 18, 2010 at 11:29 pm

    lol i feel good! 2 separate guys are tryna “help” me with this issue about my date. haha!

  6.  #6Daria on January 18, 2010 at 11:33 pm

    the first one told me to give him another chance cuz the kissing was good … even tho he didnt really hold my eye contact (which i felt a lil weird and disconnected about) tho he didnt seem insecure really

    the second one is telling me that maybe i should compromise because they DONT know anything in my town.

    BUt i dont want to?

    what do Goddesses do in this dating situation? please address…

  7.  #7alias girl on January 18, 2010 at 11:51 pm

    daria yae that he drove!

    not sure about your question.

    i might let him fumble through it and be happy with whatever he worked out.

    or maybe i would say well, i like to take walks, i like the pier, i like mini golf. what do you think?

    what do you think?

  8.  #8alias girl on January 18, 2010 at 11:52 pm

    i feel superduper overdrive lonely tonight. ๐Ÿ™ i feel very vulnerable and oversensitive and lonely. pouty face.

  9.  #9Desi on January 19, 2010 at 12:11 am


    Maybe you could have a few standard responses that you keep for ideas of what you know you like to do. It’s probably nervewracking enough for the man to be on a date with a new woman and getting to know her. Being from out of town he wouldnt know how nice certain places are. Now that I think about it, it’s probably nervewracking for you to come up with an idea because you wouldnt be sure if he would have a good time doing whatever activity you select.

    I’d throw him a bone though, he did do his job by asking you on a date. I’d give a couple ideas and let him select what to do. At least if you give a few ideas for activities you like to do you can fee relaxed in an environment you feel comfortable in. It should make the rest of the date go better!


  10.  #10mary on January 19, 2010 at 12:23 am

    this is cool rori, can’t wait to try it!

    (i posted a comment a few minutes ago, but it’s lost…)

    * * *

    bon voyage sirens!

    talk to you in a few weeks…

  11.  #11Daria on January 19, 2010 at 12:25 am

    Thank you Desi and Alias Girl…

    yeah i could’ve told him what to do. i guess i wanted to see what he comes up with.

    (he wanted to go to a “make out spot” he said – i think he was joking)

    i said ok and on the way there i said we could go play pool and we did dthat

    during pool tho i felt in my head and kina sad and weird, thinkig bout the 15 min back and forth (i already told him i felt irritated and he said he had too)

    i didnt feel hmmm
    protected? i dono

  12.  #12alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 12:27 am

    i feel scared. i feel agoraphobic. i feel sad. ๐Ÿ™ i feel sadness. i feel tears. i love my sadness that is coming up. i love my sad face. i love my embarrassment. i love my quivering lip. i love my wanting to hide.

    i feel sobbing. i feel vulnerable. i feel wanting to be held. i feel heat rising up my body like an elvator all the way up and out the top of my head. i feel deep breath.

    i feel sobbing again. (wtf?). i feel heat rising up an dout my head again. i feel a lot of heat in my head and then out the top.

    i feel crunching shoulders and clogged nose. i feel sobbing and then the heat again.

    i feel chuckling. sobbing. heat. tears. deep breath.

    i feel better. i didn’t even know that was there until i let myself feel it and followed it around.

    i feel yawning. i feel acceptance. i feel curious.

    i feel deep breath. another. i don’t feel so lonely as i did. but it would be nice to live in a big house with a bunch of cool people!

  13.  #13alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 12:32 am

    like on Jersey Shore!

  14.  #14Desi on January 19, 2010 at 12:36 am

    My ex, who I broke up with 1 1/2 months ago, asked me to get back together with him tonight. But he wants me to quit dating other men. He says that if we were to work on our relationship and I was still seeing other men that he would feel like he didnt have any respect for himself and that would make him look like a pussy. And that we wouldnt really be able to work our problems out if I wasnt giving him my full attention.

    I said no, that we could spend time together but I was not willing to stop dating other men. The whole reason I even ended up on this site was because I was unhappy when we were together and I was looking for a way to improve our relationship. I’ve been circular dating. I know Rori thinks we shouldnt put ourselves on hold for a man. So the fact that I’ve been dating other guys has in a way made him step up his game a bit and scared him about the fact that another man might claim me.

    He says that he will change. I told him I don’t want a man that will change for me, I want a man where meeting my needs comes naturally.

    When I was with him my needs for sex and affection were not being met at all. I felt like I was being starved of physical contact from him. Sex was like once a week and cuddling happened like 2 times a week. Kissing was an obligitory goodbye kiss when he would leave and a kiss goodnight when we would go to bed. We were essentially living together. I felt so lonely and starved for affection when we were together. I leaned back and nothing changed. So I ended things.

    I’m scared because he says if we cannot be exclusive he doesnt want to try to work things out. I really fell in love with him. Yes I want him. But I want him only if things could really be different. I feel like I deserve proof that things can really be different before I commit myself to him again.

    Any advice?

  15.  #15Daria on January 19, 2010 at 12:37 am

    i didnt FEEL good about it

    i felt disconnected.

    chips are falling in place

  16.  #16mary on January 19, 2010 at 12:41 am

    oh, alias girl!

    i wish for you some company tonight! mr. right to knock on your door in the middle of the night and say, uhoh! i’m from out of town, but i’m moving here, and i thought this was my brother’s house! but what’s your name? and can i see you again, maybe tomorrow? and he has your sense of humor! and knows how to row the boat! but lets you sometimes, just for something different, so you won’t get bored! and is interesting and funny.

  17.  #17alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 12:48 am

    thank you mary. i feel loved and supported. bon voyage siren!

  18.  #18alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 12:50 am

    desi do you want to be married?

  19.  #19mary on January 19, 2010 at 12:51 am

    Wow, Desdi!

    I had a situation similar to this, and I let MY guy call the shots. I really admire how you’ve been handling this, and wish I’d done it the same way.

    I love it that you said you didn’t want a man to change for you, but a man who met your needs naturally!

    I understand why you’re scared, because I’m gonna try circular dating as soon as I get back from my trip. And I’m scared, too. I don’t want to lose him.

    But you didn’t lose your guy before; why would you now? It seems like if you continued to give him lots of attention when you were with him, you’d have no problem, but I really don’t know. My guy says that dating only one person at a time is the only kind thing to do. It makes me feel really unkind to do something that “hurts” him. But in Targeting Mr. Right, Rori says that it makes guys respect us more, and want to win us.

    I have no advice! I’m just wondering with you.

  20.  #20alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 12:52 am

    i feel an urge to just cuddle up with a guy who loves me and who i love for about a year straight. no nothing else but cuddle and lounge around and have fun. like a year honeymoon minus the marriage.

    mmmmmm that feeeeeeeelllllssss sooooooo ggoooooododdddddd.

  21.  #21alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 12:53 am

    mary do you want to be married?

  22.  #22alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 12:57 am

    rrrrrrrr i feel uncomfortable with the new format. and that is automatically checks that i want to receive followup comments via email.


    and the conversation feels harder to follow.

    i feel very pouting.

  23.  #23alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 1:00 am

    i don’t think i am going to keep scrolling up and down the page looking for new comments.


    thank you for my new group/houseful of friends who love me and accept me even when we get angry with one another. and we have fun and laughs.


    and thank you for my year long honeymoon.

    though those two things don’t seem to be able to really coincide.

    unless i am living with my guy in the new house. LIKE SAMMI AND RONNI ON THE JERSEY SHORE!

  24.  #24alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 1:01 am

    ronni is muy caliente. omg.

  25.  #25Daria on January 19, 2010 at 1:58 am

  26.  #26mary on January 19, 2010 at 5:34 am

    yes, very much. i want to be married in the next year or so. now that i’ve passed my test, i’m gonna join a firm (face value) and then concentrate on dating. seriously. it will be a while before business picks up. and it will be a while until my phone is ringing off the wall with suitors.

    but i think it will happen in both arenas! i’m just going to put myself out there!

    i love being married, because of the commitment. the history together. the future. the same name. the solidarity. the money pooling. the plans. the goals. the dreams. the conflicts. the resolution. the growth.

    it seems to me like living together is just less of all that. i don’t want the watered down no-commitment-version for myself. i want the whole thing. i will risk to get it.

    i was married twice. i fell in love when i was in college, and that guy was my dream guy, but he didn’t share my faith, so i didn’t marry him.

    i married a guy who did share my faith, and because he did, i thought it would go really well… but… he wasn’t affectionate. only wanted to have sex every now and then. hardly ever kissed me. very preoccupied. and then he got into drugs, big-time. cocaine. and we had two beautiful little girls! and after 15 years, i divorced him. there was no leadership. no family life. no sex. no real marriage. and after much prayer and thought, i divorced him because i felt a callous growing around my heart. i needed a more physical barrier between us so i could keep loving him.

    and that worked like a charm.

    i still love him, to this day. and he kicked his drug habit. yay!

    and i was married a second time. and it went well at first, but this guy never really got along with my kids. he was very strict. thought i spoiled them. (i didn’t.) he rowed the boat and was an excellent provider. and he tried. and i tried. and we had very different values. he threw his kids out of the nest and hoped they would fly, and three of them didn’t. they hit the ground with a really big thud. that scared me so much! made me want to be around for the trial runs with my kids!

    but we had lots of snuggling and pillow talks and reaching over in the night when we were still asleep, just to touch the other person, just making sure…

    that was nice.

    i’d like to have that again.


    i will have that again.


    my college dream guy now has faith! he is no longer a 2-dimensional person! he has a lot of depth. and he’s almost divorced. and he’s coming to visit me in March.

    meanwhile, R is exclusifying himself to me. i gave him speeches upon speeches, and he has parroted them back to me, so i’m no longer gonna give them to him. i’m just gonna follow through with the dating.

    because i’m on a mission.

    and may the best man win.


  27.  #27mary on January 19, 2010 at 5:52 am

    oh. daria! i got to the spider part and couldn’t watch any more! maybe after my trip… i felt anxiety watching…

    daria, i’m happy that you have parents who are still together! could your mom just be missing you? even in the same house? and fishing for anything at all to talk about with you…??

    sometimes i feel that way about my daughters… (who both just called me at 5:30 am to wish me a happy trip…)

    missing kids is the hardest thing about empty nest. it’s so crazy. it’s so intense while the kids are growing up. you are always, constantly, ever-presently teaching, protecting and role-modeling. and then you just wake up one day and it’s a tug-o-war about who gets to decide what. and everything you do and everything you wear is wrong! you can suddenly do nothing right! and you are an embarrassment! how horrible! and you feel your beautiful, gorgeous daughters pulling away, and it hurts like fire. so you just try to reach out, in any way you can… but it’s difficult because there’s so much rejection.

    and that’s the way it should be.

    otherwise little birds would never, ever leave the nest.

    i feel pain just thinking about it.

    may you have some peaceful days for a while!

    flowers for your mom for no reason!

    how beautiful.

    i feel joy about that.

    and a love language for your dad.

    how thoughtful.

    i feel smiley and warm sensations about that.

    it all seems appropriate in its time. there is a time for everything!


    i’m off.

    i wish you well.

  28.  #28mary on January 19, 2010 at 5:54 am

    and may the best man win!

  29.  #29mary on January 19, 2010 at 6:01 am

    g’bye rori!

    i love the new changes!

    life just keeps getting better and better, eh?

    talk later!

  30.  #30mary on January 19, 2010 at 6:03 am

    g’bye tinque!

    talk to you on the phone when i return, sweet love coach siren! we will do more strategizing!

  31.  #31mary on January 19, 2010 at 6:06 am

    g’bye siren island!

    (rowing away now… all by myself!)

    thank you, thank you!

    i will come back fresh insights and new opinions to share, IF SOLICITED!


  32.  #32Linda on January 19, 2010 at 6:36 am

    I like this format. Not only can we comment but talk to a specific goddess too! Not sure how to put up a picture I will figure it out. I am slow at this computer stuff.

    Siren Island is being tweeked, Just like us goddessess, rearranging the furniture is fun!


  33.  #33Rachel on January 19, 2010 at 7:29 am

    Mary, I love your thoughts on marriage and your description of the good things you shared with your second husband. These are things I long for as well…

    I am growing in my faith that these things are coming my way. Bob Proctor says, “Everything you seek is seeking you.”

    That makes me smile!

    YES… may the best man win. We are the prize!

  34.  #34Linda on January 19, 2010 at 7:56 am

    I can say that I totally understand it when men dont like it that we wont agree to exclusivity with them. I suppose that it can go either way. Cause them to step up and pursue us because of the competition factor or give them the impression that we are game playing. I have heard both expressed from men I have met and talked to.

    I have done some soul searching on this for me. How would I feel if was the guy in the scenrio? It feels impossible to assess or decide about it. I am not a man, nor do I think like them. I have found out that they are as different as blue jeans. They are all jeans but they look, feel, and fit or dont. lol I do have to admit that if two people are trying to reconnect and make something work this time, continuing to circular date sends a message of insincerity that you are “really committed and trying”. That is how I would feel and would break the deal for me honestly. Trust is important, not feeling like I have to look over my shoulder, share, etc.

    Circular dating has been good for me. It stretched me, openned up my thinking…. but I along with you wonder how that it fits when two people are re-establishing trust and committment.

    Right before Christmas the one man I met last year that I connected and wanted to be with contacted me. After the year we had and all the difficulty he produced….I was skeptical and tenative. I still feel this way at times but as the days pass trust between us is being established. One contiguous month and two speeches later… so far so good.

    I dont have any answers. I am in the same boat. I know that I have to follow my heart and feel my way thru. Listening on level 2… is serving me well. Speaking my feelings and truths are keeping me on course. Reality is, I dont know what will play out between us. I just know that he told me he missed me last night and him sharing things like that is new. Those are things that indicate that he is emotionally available. Things are different between us. His addressing me is… respectful, calling me sweetheart, honey, baby… lots of other things feels more “real and committed”….

    At this point in time I am not seeing anyone else but am circular dating myself. New grandbaby in my arms too. Circular dating others is on hold fro me right now…but all the other wonderful things I have learned are not.

    I am just a co-journor with you and feeling my way thru this.


  35.  #35Aldonza on January 19, 2010 at 8:02 am

    Well, I think the closest I would come to compromising is giving them options to chose from. Maybe there are some websites that give restaurants in the area etc?

  36.  #36Aldonza on January 19, 2010 at 8:07 am

    Demanding your precious exclusivity before he’s produced anything other than words? Pfeh! Tell him he needs to *earn* your exclusivity. *You* are in control here. *You* decide who you will date and not date until *you* decide to date only him. He wants to try again, he’s not in a position to bargain.

    If you give in now, you’re going right back to where you were before, with him having all the power in the relationship. Don’t do it. Your only chance is to hold firm on the no exclusivity right now. If he walks, then you know that he wasn’t willing or able to earn you.

  37.  #37Aldonza on January 19, 2010 at 8:14 am

    How would I feel if was the guy in the scenrio?

    That’s a slippery slope. It’s too hard to make decisions about you and your feelings based on what you believe someone else is thinking and feeling. That’s why Rori harps so much on concentrating on feeling your own feelings and respecting them. Most of us here are used to stuffing down our own feelings in favor of theirs.

  38.  #38Aldonza on January 19, 2010 at 8:17 am

    Still feeling out this threaded discussion. I mostly like it. It was sometimes too hard to keep track of who was responding to whom. Although we sort of have to read in-line rather than via email. I wish the emails would include the text of the message being responded to.

  39.  #39Rori Raye on January 19, 2010 at 12:05 pm

    Desi – you are so ON TRACK!!! Don’t cave…stick with yourself. He’ll either step up or he won’t – but YOU’LL be GREAT! Love, Rori

  40.  #40Lisa on January 19, 2010 at 1:41 pm


    This sounds familiar to me. The perfunctory kissing, the expectation that i would function as a wifey, sans ring. Withholding sex. It got so bad I actually asked once apres sex if he even enjoyed sex with me. I spent many nights silently crying. He was a narcissist sadist.

    If he would detect my silent cries, the next morning he would say (after hopping out of bed with no “good morning”), why do you stay if you’re unhappy? I was a peculiar experiment, like a living butterfly pinned to a board.

    And I guess that makes me a masochist. So I am learning that I deserve more. At this point, I wish to be open, and not latch on to another guy. So many men, so little time…

  41.  #41alias girl on January 19, 2010 at 2:25 pm

    mary that was lovely. also i felt honored to hear more of your history. i feel ecstatic you are going to circular date. ๐Ÿ™‚ (And I also still feel very excited about you passing your realtor test! That is so awesome.)

    i, personally, do not think i will marry. it is not a goal of mine.

  42.  #42Simply Shannon on January 19, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    Daria: I’ve run into the same thing before with dates who travel to my town. I actually stopped seeing men who aren’t from here because of it. The times I did go on dates with out-of-towners, and they ask “what should we do?”, I would ask what they had in mind for us to do. Then I would give them a couple of places to choose from. Names of restaurants usually.

  43.  #43Tina on January 19, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    i think if i respond to your comment it stays in the same square , test test.

  44.  #44Tina on January 19, 2010 at 3:05 pm

    I cant get used to the burgandy on the sides.

  45.  #45Daria on January 19, 2010 at 3:06 pm

    wow mary.

    well i feel awful about “that the way it should be”

    its not that way in my house.

    my mom is not an embarassment, she dresses really well and is beautiful and does so many things right

    in my family I am the one that has been considered “the embarassment”

    i believe that is NOT the way it should be. I bet there are happy families out there that can attest to that. also some people stay and live near and with their families. the lady imworking with right now lives next door to her mom.

    i believe Ann, who hasnt’ posted in awhile, Hi Ann!

    lives next door to her kids and their families as well.

    well i feel weird reading that you’re happy my parents are still together because just last week i felt devastated that my mom was talking about seriously divorcing my dad

    i want so much my family to communicate well and workout !

    but We are not used to it. i am trying to be a pioineer.

    and have compassion. we are good people but used to using intimidation and shaming and guilt to get our point across.

    this morning i was listening and realized something

    my dad has the belief that “Feeling guilty/ashamed is good for someone because it will mobilize them to action”

    ie motivate them
    so sad. i remember believing this too, so glad i let go of it, at least consciously

    i am so tired.

    of being criticized. of feeling anxious. of feeling rejected.

    of being told not to look in the mirror.


    i feel tired right now too cuz of no sleeping

    but i do firmly believe that it ABSOLUTELY
    DOES NOT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS. and that will heal me

    thank you angels

  46.  #46Daria on January 19, 2010 at 3:10 pm

    Thanks for answering Shannon. I do remember that you mentioned that.

    My town is not big enough, nor do i get contacted by men from here to not date men from out of town.

    However, even though my town is small, its’ part of a huge metropolitan area.

    Think a guy from Brooklyn, going to Queens, and then says… well i dont know Queens, you live here.

    But of course I don’t want to drive out my way to meet them in Brooklyn.

    For a second date or for guys i know i would feel fine if they picked me up and took me back. but for first date i need in my town, downtown.


    the guy from last nite tho, i feel weird about

  47.  #47Katie on January 19, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    That’s great we can ‘talk’ more directly now.

  48.  #48Desi on January 19, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Yes, I do want to be married. But I am only willing to do it when I find the right relationship. I do not want to be married just for the sake of being married. I want a true life long partner. I am 31 never been married and no kids. I hope that I will have a family some day, but I am afraid of the possibility of divorce and becoming a single mom, so I want to be very selective when I make that step.

  49.  #49Desi on January 19, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Thank you all for your comments!

    Yes, in a way, refusing an exclusive relationship after we already had one and then broke up does feel unkind to me. It does seem like it would look insincere that I would like to work things out if I am seeing other people.

    It’s hard and scary to try to do things a different way. The truth is, if I had never found Rori’s site the idea of seeing other people while trying to work on a relationship with one would have seemed ridiculous to me. It would have been a deal breaker for me too if my current ex had suggested such a thing. When I think about Rori’s reasoning to circular date it makes sense to me though.

    I will continue to refuse an exclusive relationship with him though. Thanks again for all your input!


  50.  #50Desi on January 19, 2010 at 5:34 pm

    I kind of like this new way of posting but it is also a little confusing to predict where your post will show up. It is easier to read because you can see a conversations progression better, but also more difficult to see new comments since they show up in random places.

  51.  #51Hebe on January 19, 2010 at 7:44 pm

    Hi gorgeus ladies, any idea how to make a man to open the car door for us? like feeling messages. I’ve been dating this guy for about five months now who’s never open the car door. I had a great time on our date but i just feel something missing. Thanks again ladies ๐Ÿ™‚

  52.  #52Nancy on January 19, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Desi, I agree. Stick to yourself and don’t give in to him telling you you’re being unkind, unfaithful, etc. It’s up to him to show you that he’s devoted to you. He can work on his end of the relationship while you take care of yourself by not placing yourself at risk with him in such a big way again, not until your terms/needs/wants/desires are met, whatever those may be. Let him show you or not!


  53.  #53Melanie on January 19, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    Daria, this makes me think of the movie The Lake House. The guy was from out of town but he WANTED to pick a restaurant, he WANTED to “row the boat.” So he said, “This looks like a nice place.” She opened her mouth to protest, b/c she knew what would happen, but she stopped herself — so that he could “be the man.” They went in, and just as she expected, they couldn’t get in b/c they didn’t have a reservation. I forget what happened next! Lol. As it happened, he wasn’t the right guy for her anyway, but I felt interested in that scene, b/c she DID let him row, and he DID row in her town. And even though he wasn’t the right guy for her I could see that if he had been the right guy, that would have worked out just fine the way they handled that.

  54.  #54Rori Raye on January 19, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    Hebe…try just sitting there. Open your purse, look for something in it. He’ll come around and open the door – you smile amazingly and appreciatively. It can’t be fake or a strategy, though, and I don’t like gaming. Try it once, see if it works, and the next time you can say…It felt wonderful when you opened my car door last time… HOWEVER. After 5 months, I wouldn’t bother with that…whatever’s missing, it’s not the car door. What else isn’t working for you? Love, Rori

  55.  #55Rori Raye on January 19, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Thanks, Desi, for letting me know. I want to make sure this is making the commenting EASIER – not harder…so please all let me know your personal experience, if you have a feeling about it, and perhaps we’ll go back to the old way after next week if that worked better. Also – I think you can just do it the old way, too, now – just go to the bottom as you always did and put up a new comment…let’s see how it works…and…I’d love to associate a different flower or heart or something with each of you as I scroll down…it’s cool…I’ll be able to recognize your comment faster…Love, Rori

  56.  #56Daria on January 19, 2010 at 9:46 pm

    this movie feels shocking… first because of the relationship dynamics and later… well.. whoa

  57.  #57Daria on January 19, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Thank you so much Melanie. I feel encouraged. I feel close to feeling sure that a man will make me feel GOOD about the experience.

  58.  #58Rori Raye on January 19, 2010 at 10:01 pm

    Just remember, Daria (and I have to remind myself of this every day) – you are not your mother, not your father. You are not a different version of either of them, or an extension of either of them. You are connected by DNA and emotional bonding, but you are also connected in this powerful way to everyone else on the planet. It’s all a lesson. The way you were raised cramped your growing – (think of yourself as a tree growing, with sunlight and water and food and animals and events happening…so that your branches grew a bit twisted in places, and one side of the tree grew fuller than the other. We’re all like that. It’s our sacred honor to love the tree we are as we are, and then take over our growing. Water it wholly, feed it wholly, listen to ourselves wholly, and gracefully and lovingly let the tree bloom and flower under our OWN wings. Love, Rori

  59.  #59Hebe on January 19, 2010 at 11:36 pm

    Thanks for the reply Rori, Usually he will get in the car before me lol. silly me, maybe because i like the feeling to be treated like a princess completely. The rest are ok for me. I’m afraid of commitment. when the guy coming closer i feel like i want to escape and be alone. and date another guy. and when he’s withdrawing or gets cold. I feel its more interesting and get back to him. and it keeps rotating.

  60.  #60Linda on January 20, 2010 at 4:03 am

    I so agree with that Aldonza. I think I even wrote that it is impossible to do. So, how do I feel about circular dating when trying to reconnect? I would not have anything to do with him if he said he wanted to work things out and was still dating others and open to someone new too. Feels insecure and insincere.

    I bought a Lexus a few years back. I love it and still drive it today. There were so many times that my son in law would say, look you could have bought that “___” car. (fill in the blank)…. I would say, yes but I bought this one and I really like this one.” That causes me pause and I feel curious to know what motivates that roving eye that never seems satisfied. WOuld that be correct assumption? At any rate. When I make a decision, I stick with it 9.5 times out of 10.

    What does that have to do with relationships? Well, maybe nothing but I see a similar stream. When you decide on something, why would you keep looking. That just wears me out.


  61.  #61Linda on January 20, 2010 at 4:53 am

    I want to add that I am not encouraging nor am I talking against circular dating. Sometimes it is hard to get my brain around it all. Everybody is different, looking for and needs different things. I left a marriage that was passionless for years, yet there are many that would kill for what I had and would not be unhappy with it.

    For me, this site has helped me be a much happier, healthy woman. I have learned so much that is serving me well and keeping me on my bridge. At times I feel tired and worn out with the relationship thing, but then I realize that I am focused on the wrong thing again. It is a great internal barometer for me.

    I believe we will all know when we find that relationship that is worth our attention even as someone said in one of the threads taking a risk for. Primarily that would be my relationship with me! The others come second.

    Hugs Linda

  62.  #62Tina on January 20, 2010 at 5:19 am

    Under the “recent comments” section, it would feel nice to be able to click on the comment and have it go to that persons comments. Thanks, I like the blue better, I was feeling clastrophobic with burgandy, I dont know why. I felt depressed, I was feeling sad and squished in. I love burgandy as a color , I just felt overwhelmed with it on both sides of the blog.

  63.  #63Linda on January 20, 2010 at 5:38 am

    Rori, I really like this way of posting. I the sub conversations option. It seemed that there were so many posts that I had to skim over before. Now if there is one that I am commenting on with an individual or entering new thought they are delineated. This organization feels user friendly and helps me stay in tune and connected with what I am personally posting.

    In the past if I commented… I would have to read every post and could miss a reply that one of these great ladies sent to me because it was several later etc. (often did) Having it run this way saves time and helps me not miss the things.


  64.  #64Tina on January 20, 2010 at 5:39 am

    The rose petals on Rori’s E book “Havetherelationshipyouwant” would be a nice border ๐Ÿ™‚ or was that on before? I cant remember now.

  65.  #65Tina on January 20, 2010 at 5:47 am

    oh ok, I see it now, but I have to click on my name, cool.

  66.  #66Rori Raye on January 20, 2010 at 9:51 am

    Thank you, Linda, for letting me know…we’ll keep it like this for awhile to make sure it encourages you all to write instead of making it harder…Love, Rori

  67.  #67Rori Raye on January 20, 2010 at 9:51 am

    So funny – I tried the rose petals but was afraid it was too busy…perhaps I’ll try it again! Love, Rori

  68.  #68Rori Raye on January 20, 2010 at 9:52 am

    Thank you, Tina, for weighing in. Love, Rori

  69.  #69Melanie on January 20, 2010 at 10:05 am

    What is Listening on Level Two?

    I have felt confused about circular dating too. I am doing it, but still confused: why are the guys supposed to be okay with us seeing other guys if we are not okay with them seeing other girls? If it is too early to propose marriage because we are still getting to know each other, why should he be exclusive with someone who might not even end up wanting him, who might choose one of the other guys she is seeing?

    I am in a situation now, where after four dates the guy is hinting about marriage, and it is very clear that he adores me. He has no idea that I am seeing other people. I am kind to him, I lean back, let him row, he loves being the man . . . and without me doing anything, I think he has the impression that I am as into him as he is me. Because I respond to him so beautifully, like Rori teaches. But I know he is just not the right one for me. However, I do enjoy spending time with him, which is why I respond positively to him. But . . . the poor guy is falling in love with me, not dating other women, taking himself out of circulation, focusing on me, trying to please me . . . and eventually he will find out I’m not going to marry him. I feel bad about that. I feel I am being mean to him and he doesn’t even know it yet. He is wasting time with someone who won’t end up marrying him, when he could be out finding the one who will. I feel sad and confused. ๐Ÿ™

  70.  #70tinque on January 20, 2010 at 10:17 am

    I like rose petals, yet I see how it might be too busy. It would be lovely to see if it works.

  71.  #71DocK on January 20, 2010 at 11:03 am

    So Rori – the new format/style – like you mixed up our dresser drawers for us! LOL

    I like the blue border – feels luscious and elegant.

  72.  #72tinque on January 20, 2010 at 11:20 am

    new blue border!!!

  73.  #73Tina on January 20, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Nice, I like it! soft on the outside, strong on the inside ๐Ÿ™‚

  74.  #74Desi on January 20, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Yes! I can relate to this also. I also am dating a couple men and think that the men I’m seeing might be developing strong feelings, when for me they are not developing toward him. Maybe it’s too soon to make a decision? Rori says that her husband persued her for a while and she didnt want him until one day she woke up and she did. It feels like leading them on, but I do enjoy being with them and letting them be the man and row the boat.

    When should we decide to end things with a man if we dont see a future so that we dont hurt him?

  75.  #75Desi on January 20, 2010 at 5:55 pm

    It’s a very lonely place to be. Loving somebody and longing to be touched by them. Sometimes I felt he was just so cruel because I knew he knew I was starving for his touch.

    I’m sorry to hear you have gone through that experience too.

    It’s something I had never experienced before. I’m used to a man wanting sex all the time and me being the one with a lower libido.

  76.  #76Linda on January 21, 2010 at 3:45 am

    Hi again, Listening on level 2 is when you lean back, (sometimes physically too) and just listen. Really listen. Dont thing about what you are going to say, focus on their words. Soak in what the person talking is saying. Level 2 listening is not about thinking what you are going to say, putting in your two cents worth, instructing or directing the conversation. Often times it allows you to empathise, feel what they are saying I also keep my gaze on them, not looking away even if they do. Acknowlegement of where they are creates a bridge , builds trust and opens up more free flowing commuication too.

    I find that when I do this, I not only understand the person better, but they often then invite you into their inner place more becaue you are trusted and not there judging them. I may be making internal decisions about whether I agree or I line up with them etc but…that is for another time.

    You can do this with anybody, we all want to be heard.


  77.  #77Linda on January 21, 2010 at 3:50 am

    Yes, Tina, great analogy. That is how I feel now, soft on the outside and strong on the inside.


  78.  #78Linda on January 21, 2010 at 4:19 am

    I follow my heart. I and try to treat others as I would want to be treated. There was a man I dated last fall. I really enjoyed his company, we had a good time together, got along great…. he expressed a deeper interest within a few dates. I responded with exactly where I was, which was open to getting to know him better, but wanted to have fun and see where things led. I did not have an agenda with him, and truely was wanting to see what developed. I did not want to be hemmed in to exclusivity. He pursued me… I genuinely responded, was kind etc. I deep down had doubt that he was not the one for me but kept my options open and allowed myself to truly explore things with him, feeling my way thru. There was potential, but in the end he stopped rowing. I am fine with that. I have not heard from him since Christmas Day.

    It’s all good, he and I most likely came to the same conclusion. We did not really fit. I gave it a extended open hearted, open to possibilty try. Approaching men this way has allowed me to enjoy a varitey of mens company instead of pigeon holeing them and has forced me to examine self limiting beliefs and attitudes that often got in my way of a happy relationship. When you dont invest back into a a man who is investing in you… he will get tired and stop. This is what I have had happen time and time again.

    Just my thoughts…. I give a guy a little room to impress me and let things take their course. Out of 21 men last year… one rose to the top, and happily he was the one I hoped would.


  79.  #79Melanie on January 21, 2010 at 9:40 am

    Thank you Linda! That is SO helpful! Your way of dealing with similar situations feels really good to me! ๐Ÿ™‚

  80.  #80Simply Shannon on January 25, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    Rori: I’m seeing two check boxes at the bottom for “Notify me of followup comments via e-mail”. Do we need to check both? I’m noticing that I’m missing some posts and wonder about that. Thanks!

  81.  #81Symantha on June 3, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    Hi Rori,

    what happened with the threads, the comment button disappeared? ๐Ÿ™

  82.  #82Gump on July 8, 2011 at 7:48 am

    I have been so beiwledred in the past but now it all makes sense!