A Note From My Husband – Forget The Story, Just Tell The Truth

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jeff-gemma1 Okay, This is when my daughter was little, and my husband looked like Hugh Grant (he still does…the more current one is a little down the page here…)

I’ve been going back and forth whether or not to share him with you, but decided what he has to offer is more important than any privacy concerns I have (you can google him, after all). Jeff (his name is Jeffrey Levine) is a business coach with an MBA who, while he was finding that so much of the coaching would always come down to the work/life balance thing with the executives he was coaching, fell in love with working with these men on fatherhood issues.

I talked him into helping women turn their husbands into better fathers without wrecking their marriages…and so he wrote a book specifically for women, and started coaching women (he has free newsletters, too…) about how to INFLUENCE men.

Here’s one of his articles, and if you’re curious about him, here’s his blog – TurnHimIntoABetterDad.com/blog. You can get his free newsletters there, and comment and ask him questions – he’ll answer you. We actually NEVER talk about what I do and what I write, or about the coaching and writing he does (I’ve asked him NOT to read my eletters or blog posts) — so when I read his book to proof it, I was shocked to see my own ideas and Tools coming from the other side – a man’s side – and the man I was living with’s side to boot. Very weird. Here he’s talking about…basically, how to talk to a man…(I picked it up from his blog)

Forget The Story, Just Tell The Truthjeff144softhandsome

I recently read a book called “A Whole New Mind – Why Right-Brainers Will Rule The Future.” It’s a terrific read and I highly recommend it. Among other things, the author Daniel Pink talks about the power of “story” – how telling a story enables you to communicate in a way that your fellow humans naturally understand.

However, in the arena of relationships, telling a story rarely helps the situation. In fact, I advise my clients to steer clear of their story because it’s your story that’ll get you into trouble. When you remove the story completely, you’ll have a far greater chance of being heard.

Guys often aren’t great listeners as it is – and when you launch into a story there’s more of a chance that he’ll hear it as judgment and blaming. You see, the problem is, even if you mean what you’re saying in your story, guys think that you’re “making stuff up.”

I recommend that you strip the story from your communication and instead focus on expressing your truth – cleanly and clearly – without the story.

Let’s look at a simple situation:

Your husband has agreed to fix that broken cabinet door for months. You’re worried that your toddler or dog is going to get in there and it could be potentially dangerous. Despite his promises to handle it, another weekend passes and it’s not done.

What might the story look like? It might include phrases like this: “You’ve been saying for months that you’re going to fix it and still haven’t. I wish I could rely on you but I can’t.” (finger pointing and blaming) “You know, your son could get stuck in there and get really hurt” (making stuff up) “Just like when you said you’d trim the trees and fix the pool – just another example of you not keeping your word. You’re unreliable.” (judgment) “How many times have we talked about this?” (guilt)

Your story is your attempt to build your case and in some cases justify your anger. But the truth is, you don’t need to justify it – you’re entitled to your anger and your disappointment in him. The question is, how do you enroll him in making a change?

Not by blaming him.

Not by telling him a story about his past failures.

The only chance you have of shifting his behavior and helping be a better dad and husband is by communicating your feelings in a direct, clear and non-judgmental way. That’s the only thing that’ll work.

Here’s How To Do It

“Tom, I know you’ve been busy. And there’s something I need to share with you. I’m having a problem and I don’t know exactly how to express this. Is now a good time for us to talk?”

You’ve set the table that the conversation might be challenging, and you’ve asked permission to have the conversation now, or to find a better time.

You continue: “Tom, I really rely on you, I realize that. And when I need you to handle something in the house, and you don’t do it, I don’t know how to express it to you in a way that doesn’t start a fight.”

Do you see how this gets the conversation off on a completely different foot than if you told your story?

Then ask in a direct, clear way for what you want: “Tom, I’m not going to feel comfortable until the cabinet’s fixed, so I really need for you to fix it within the next couple of days. If you can’t please let me know so I can hire a handyman to do it.”

Forget the story. Speak your truth without blame and judgment.



  1.  #1Katja on November 6, 2009 at 1:52 am

    Just wow.
    That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing,Rori. I feel impressed.

  2.  #2Tina on November 6, 2009 at 2:03 am

    With respect Rori thanks for sharing Jeffrey with us. You two make a great couple! love the blog thanks for sharing Jeffrey.

  3.  #3Tina on November 6, 2009 at 2:04 am

    hehe, I feel silly I mean Tom and Jeffery too :/

  4.  #4Tina on November 6, 2009 at 2:08 am

    “Tom, I’m not going to feel comfortable until the cabinet’s fixed, so I really need for you to fix it within the next couple of days. If you can’t please let me know so I can hire a handyman to do it.”

    I’ve done this right off the bat, just say it this way lol, I used to get funny looks, then stomping around, then do it. or start the project myself then they finish it, I get all smiley and happy while I watch them do the project.

  5.  #5Tina on November 6, 2009 at 2:10 am

    I live alone now so do my projects alone for the most part, I just dont know how to fit it in when a date asks or offers to help me fix something.

  6.  #6Tina on November 6, 2009 at 2:14 am

    She looks just like you with brown curls , cute!

  7.  #7Tracy on November 6, 2009 at 2:22 am

    Thanks so much for sharing……beautiful family….
    and the advice is just the same only with a masculine tune to it…..
    I recently expressed my feelings to my boss about something i felt really bad about….I didn’t do it to its best and later on i felt i was blaming him for the circumstances…
    i am glad that now i can express how i truly feel…i just need to learn to do it without blame…i also feel that keeping feelings inside only brings about an eventual blow up later on….
    sometimes i think that i can push it under the rag…..my mind even convinces me that I’ve forgotten about it….but those feelings lie hidden somewhere and if not expressed they come out anyway….
    This one is a big one for me and i feel grateful that i understand much more the benefit of expressing myself authentically and speaking my truth….thanks rori

  8.  #8Tracy on November 6, 2009 at 2:58 am

    This feels interesting…
    Whenever i feel angry i try to justify my anger…..i don’t acknowledge it and i feel bad for being angry….and when i feel bad about how i feel i want to escape from it or just run away from the feeling….i feel afraid of expressing it and when i do i justify myself as though i was wrong for feeling angry or disappointed…..
    It feels safe to express my icky and bad feelings…i want to feel safe with me enough to express how i feel at each moment…baby steps…..thanks for sharing…i am actually working on this one at this moment…

  9.  #9Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:17 am

    yay so excited! not only do i feel better after having told some inquiring men why do i feel sad…

    and after doing some eft on youtube and finding this cathryn taylor lady who said some interesting stuff about the innerchild and her emotions…

    and now the lady i contacted to do EFT is going to do it with me tomorrow at 330 pm yay!

    I feel good and helped and supported.

    and my mom just called me to say that if i want to talk to her i can awww mom. I want to practice receiving with her as a daughter rather than always trying to give and protect her like im used to… it feels challenging

  10.  #10Daria on November 6, 2009 at 3:24 am

    Rori your family looks adorable !

  11.  #11Mary Ann on November 6, 2009 at 7:24 am

    Yay Rori and Jeff!

  12.  #12DocK on November 6, 2009 at 8:09 am

    Yes, thank you for sharing this with us Rori – another site to add to my list of “favorites.”

    I know that I have been guilty of the “stories” mode of communicating. Can’t speak for others but I think I had false security in the belief that my story was “logical” and that men are logical as well so would respond to this. Ha! Not so much.

    I have learned a great deal with the programs, the posts and comments but it is still slow going for me. Sometimes things come out the old way and then I have to back track a bit. Interesting that doing that is not always futile but has helped in some situations. Other times I actually stop, breathe, feel and speak and receive a great result straight out of the gate.

    It’s a very “feely” emotional time for me and I’m not sure why. Lots of self-reflection and also changes, I suppose, getting to be a certain age as a woman.

    As a LI said to me, “Tell me, what woman moves around the country all by herself if some part of her doesn’t actually like to be alone.” So I have had that to think about as well, there is some truth in it but also feelings of fear that have seeped their way into some of my choices. Like I said, lots of self-reflection, feeling “the soup” but some experience of heart opening and passion as well. Sounds like life doing what it does. : )

  13.  #13Tina T on November 6, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    First of all, how wonderful that your husband is involved in such positive endeavors.

    I really love what you say about not telling a story. Throughout my marriage I find that our relationship gets better and better as I master “what not to say.” In the early days I focused on “what to say” which often involved many more details than my husband needed (or wanted) to hear. I definitely learned that less is more when it comes to the number of words used when you’re trying to get a point across to your man.

  14.  #14gina on November 6, 2009 at 1:11 pm

    I was SO excited to be introduced to your husband and daughter Rori – thank you very much. His blog is wonderful – I’m excited to read more of what he has to say.
    I’m surprised to learn that you don’t share your blog with your husband – is that something that is key to your relationship? that your business is YOUR business? I’m always brainstorming with men about my business – is this a mistake?

  15.  #15Michelle on November 6, 2009 at 1:16 pm

    I love this post! It reminds me of a part of Christian Carters book where he talks about “dropping your story” because most of the time you are just playing the victim. Thank you for this post, Rori!

  16.  #16alias girl on November 6, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    rori and jeffrey you make such a cute couple (and family). i feel inspired! thank you for sharing yourselves. i like the idea of letting go of one’s “story” (in any situation really). my “story” is often just my justified version of things. i don’t feel a need to justify. things just are. things happened and i interpretted them a certain way. also i feel better when i don’t justify my desires. i want what i want because i want it. period.

  17.  #17Mercedes on November 6, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    I love this! Cool that you have the same views. Maybe since he couldn’t get his material from reading what you write, he gets it from watching what you do? 🙂

    Sounds like a great guy to me!

    Much Love,

  18.  #18Mary Ann on November 6, 2009 at 4:11 pm

    Mercedes..I was thinking something very similar…that Rori has taught Jeff by living it, and being a wonderful example of what works.

  19.  #19Daria on November 6, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    omgosh this EFT lady is AMAZING!!

    she jsut gets right to the right thing!

    she got to my feeling powerless and we worked on finding and claiming my power

    the thing was i would feel powerless and i hated myself for not being able to do stuff when important things are happening…

    and now we are working on reclaiming my power

    i was afraid of having power because i could go to jail and die like jesus

    and then we worked on if i am not powerful i cant protect myself, so if i am powerful I CAN protect myself

    so then i was afraid to have more power because i was afriad of being judged and getting beat up by people

    and we worked on that

    then the connection went bad and we are going to do more on monday!

    this lady is amazing she is from Algarve, Portugal and she is helping me for free through skype

    thank you Angels and God and Blessings!

    oh… i feel so excited to have all my power!

    i felt so sad and desperate when we started ohohohhhh

    i feel so glad and opened!!

  20.  #20Tina on November 6, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    I was looking at Rori’s family pic, Jeff does have that “hugh grant” look. I can see it lol. I”m not sure about that whole left brain right brain thing, when I was in “marriage councelling” he did talk about that.

  21.  #21Mary Ann on November 7, 2009 at 12:59 am

    I just came home from a weird night…I’m still not good at feeling my feelings when I’m out and had a few drinks.
    A guy I know, who I mentioned last week has a friend who I met for the first time last Friday…they were both out where I was tonight..the one I knew longer came by and then left with a couple and this girl Joanna. He left his friend with us. My friend is now dating someone who used to date Joanna. I was talking to another girl and she told me that the first guy, J likes joanna…but when they came back..Joanna was all over his friend and my friends bf.
    I somehow seem to like both J, and his friend B..and leaned back all night. At one point I was outside with B and another guy who we do not know starts going off about how we are made for each other and we should just get on with it!! Be together and make babies etc!! AT first we smiled at each other and laughed and found it cute but then B said easy there with the babies and I said, i’ve only known the guy since last Friday it may take a little longer for me lol…but then the guy said something else to B and I panicked and said dude..could you scare the guy off any quicker?
    So we go inside and I’m leaving and J says goodbye with a kiss and hug and B says goodbye with a kiss and a hug and I don’t know if either has any interest in me, or if either is even any good for me!!
    I know this is where I usually go wrong because I want to force something to happen just so I know what’s going on..but I need to LEAN BACK and see what they do..and then decide what I want to say yes or no to.

    AND..I barely though of “him” tonight…YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  22.  #22Mary Ann on November 7, 2009 at 1:03 am

    so I just re read my post and yes it makes no sense except for the last 2 bits lol!!

    i’m gonna go to bed…xoxo siren Island…I want so badly to find the place where my heart will sing….I want that for all of us

  23.  #23Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:32 am

    I figured something out lol, emotional bonding, yeah. So many layers and so much to learn…

  24.  #24Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:33 am

    Mary Ann, I feel confused lol.

  25.  #25Daria on November 7, 2009 at 2:54 am

    I feel so good by myself! I feel so accepting of myself and the way my body feels and so much more powerful yes!

    i smoked a tiny bit and i still feel good about myself and not undeserving… and i found the good club and left the boring club and felt my body and stood up and felt goddessy even with my friend with the nice body … and then i didnt go in by myself to the club i still feel afraid to do that although i may change … anyway i didnt let the disappointment overcome me…

    and i texted lots of men and i felt like i wanted to have sex and i kept being truthful

    i said i feel like having sex and i dont feel ready to yet

    and i said i feel mad i didnt feel special or wanted

    and i just kept feeling my body and feelling good about myself

    the Lefkoe method thingies really worked they are so subtle but i can really tell a difference it is suprrising to me

    i feel back on track although i didnt get to dance or have sex or eat pancakes i still loved myself and i am loving myself now with my squeezing in the shoulder and i feel cool expressing my emotions to this man in the text and even being sexua without feeling so weird or like i am agressing him because i am sharing that i feel turned on… and also i am just writing all my feelings even feeling good that he wants me to come there and also feeling mad

    now i said

    i want a man to massage my feet and paint my toes

    i really did think of that i am just practicing being open and it feels exciting that i am doing it!

  26.  #26Daria on November 7, 2009 at 3:01 am

    it feels scary and exciting!

  27.  #27Daria on November 7, 2009 at 3:09 am

    I have the “i’m undeserving” (ie unworthy) belief! I couldn’t even see it before because it was under the “i’m not good enough” belief!

    yay! I can change my beliefs yay! and i can feel my feelings and practice receiving deservedly

    i asked a lady if i can go to this goddess circle thingy but i didnt want to pay 20 dollars, and basically she said yes its a suggested donation and to come enrich them with my presence

    and i felt like yes and also i felt like my casing tightening up on my gladness like i feel ashamed or i shouldnt feel good because i am Undeserving and it feel icky tat i asked and that i think i dont want ot pay but I JUST RECEIVEd so i felt my feelings and i allow myself to receive what i just asked for thank u thank u thank u

  28.  #28Linda on November 7, 2009 at 9:25 am

    I have always been pretty much direct and too the point. Fact oriented. That is partly why I have a hard time with feeling messages.

    I can see value in incorporating feeling messages with the facts. It makes them more user friendly I think.

    I just sent an email to a man who emails me, but has never asked to meet or even talk on the phone. I have some red flags about it. How do I know if he is real or not married etc. Our paths crossed on POF and I responded to his email to me initially.

    I am bored with the cordial email thing. He sent one that said “I did not want to go to bed without telling you that I miss your email when I dont have one. Hope you are well”…

    I thought about it for a couple of days… and replied that I really was not looking for an email buddy and initially did not think he was either but now I was unsure. I told him that I was the type that enjoys all types of communication but that email only was not what I was looking to invest in to….. said I would be open to talking or even meeting….

    I feel like if he is for real and interested he will step up and if not and his is married or involved with someone else and doing this on the side then I will have saved myself investment of time I dont want to waste.

    I left the story out. My other experiences and why I feel uneasy etc, etc. I will see if it “smokes him out” or he disappears. At any rate, I said what I needed to, with out drama, a story, or accusing him of not being what I was looking for. Point made….

    Maybe this is leaning forward but I felt I needed to state what my needs and desires were. I really dont care what the outcome is.

    On another note… I sent a Happy Birthday text to “Mr Scruitny” yesterday. I did not care if he responded or sent it as a means of manipulating the non exsistent situation between us…. he sent a thank you and told me his new granddaughter was born yesterday… I was shocked I got a reply from him. It means nothing about anything, just a birthday wish, a crumb I threw him and he gobbled it up. LOL

    Hugs ladies!


  29.  #29Paula on November 7, 2009 at 9:33 am

    I feel so bad today. I didn’t sleep so well. I feel so hopeless and pessimistic. I feel sad. I feel scared of moving to a new country and speaking a new language and not knowing anyone there.

    I feel even more scared to stay where I am now – I have no work and not much money. I don’t even know so many people in my home town anymore as I’ve been away for the past 2 years. I feel scared that I won’t make new friends.

    I feel hopeless about meeting a man. My belief is that men only want to meet young women. Maybe I’m becoming invisible to men. I feel worried about how I will communicate with men.

    I feel lonely. I feel disconnected. I told my 2 sisters that I feel depressed. They didn’t know how to respond so they ignored the comment. I feel unheard by them.

    I feel a little better. I cried a little and the feeling passed a little.

    I listened to Modern Siren. I’m grateful for Rori. I’m grateful for all the lovely women who open their hearts here, without judging or ‘fixing’.

    I feel like taking good care of myself today and not cleaning or studying.

  30.  #30nikita on November 7, 2009 at 10:21 am

    sweetheart….have you ever lived abroad….it feels magical to me….I remember I would attract americans and the bond was fast…it feels almost more intimate than in the states where we seem to take “connection” for granted.
    There are also dating sites that are global….if it feels good you could start now…lining up friends to show you around..

    I love being in a place where I don’t speak the language….everything sounds like white noise and I feel so much more in touch with my soul…elevated even.

    I hope you feel better….I feel wanting for your adventure…reinvention is so much easier in a new place.

    xoxoxo nikita 🙂

  31.  #31Paula on November 7, 2009 at 11:24 am

    Ah, thank you Nikita. I do feel better to read your words. I was travelling last year and I felt lonely at times but I felt excited too. Different food, different language, different weather, different people – it all felt so new. And I felt so proud of myself for getting around a city and buying food in a market and managing to communicate in a shop.

    My friend who lives in a new country and speaks a new language says that you can have a different personality in a new language. I like myself (on a good day) but it would feel nice to experiment with expressing different aspects of my personality.

    I’m just feeling a little scared today. Good idea about checking the web for ex-pats and actvities (and men) in my new city. Thanks. XXXX

  32.  #32Rori Raye on November 7, 2009 at 11:31 am

    Linda, this is great – “I thought about it for a couple of days… and replied that I really was not looking for an email buddy and initially did not think he was either but now I was unsure. I told him that I was the type that enjoys all types of communication but that email only was not what I was looking to invest in to….. said I would be open to talking or even meeting….

    I feel like if he is for real and interested he will step up and if not and his is married or involved with someone else and doing this on the side then I will have saved myself investment of time I dont want to waste.”

    You said what you didn’t want. Good for you. The only way to get a relationship going is to meet in person. Email and phone is just for setting up the logistics. Nothing matters until you meet. continuing “correspondence” and phone calls is a total waste of time. This is why I think so little of long distance relationships – with the one exception of being married to a man who’s in the armed services. This is a vocation for the whole family, and very different. (Notice I said married, and not dating, not boyfriend, not even ‘engaged” – it’s a hard life.) Love, Rori

  33.  #33Rori Raye on November 7, 2009 at 11:39 am

    Mary Ann, is it okay if I’m a little harsh here? You sound so great, and what I’m hearing sounds so young. If you’re 18 -22 maybe…this sounds like partying and fun and is totally okay while you’re finding out who you are and practicing Tools and building your confidence and self-esteem and Circular Dating for real, with a real, multi-men rotation, learning to receive and tell a good man from a not-so-good one. and I applaud your working through all this and catching yourself panicking and worrying and leaning back instead. If you’re actually looking for lifelong relationship – in your mid-to-late twenties, and you can say something to us like “I’m still not good at feeling my feelings when I’m out and had a few drinks.” – then your NUMBER ONE Tool is to stop drinking entirely, stick with soda water, and work exclusively on getting and staying in touch with your feelings. Otherwise, this is going to take you way longer than I want it to take. A little bit of alcohol can relax you some of the time. But it’s hard to know where that part works, and then the part where it puts you in that place where you go “numb” emotionally, where it puts you into old trauma reaction patterns. Essentially, it’s just wasting your Circular Dating time. Think about it, okay? Love, Rori

  34.  #34Mary Ann on November 7, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Lol..Rori..my circle of friends and I are all in our late 30’s to early 40’s and lol…you’re right we sound like a bunch of 20 year olds!!
    Please don’t ever be afraid to be honest and straight up with me, that’s why I am here. I have been thinking about not drinking and have slowed down when I am out…but its also the noise and the quick pace of conversation that makes it hard for me to be aware and think before I speak.
    I definitely don’t have time to waste so..yes…the NOT DRINKING tool will be a priority…thank you, thank you, thank you 🙂

    I feel good that I kept my impatience checked last night, I feel good that I stayed open to everyone and leaned back.

    I realized today that when I sort of day dream about a guy, I’m not daydreaming about him really I am daydreaming about good feelings, feeling good and happy and loved and smiley…I’m going to try to boot the guy out and keep the feelings in my daydreams…that way I won’t pin them together and create an imaginary relationship.


  35.  #35alias girl on November 7, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    paula i feel very supportive and also vicariously excited. sometimes my whole body wants to shut down when i have to face a new situation. but then when i actually show up for the new situation it turns out fine. i had been feeling scared of the unknown. i feel good you are sharing your feelings. i liked what nikita said about possibly networking before you even get there. i feel supportive and compassionate.

  36.  #36nikita on November 7, 2009 at 1:55 pm


    I like a guy long distance …… We used to live 16 blocks away.. now we are 300 miles 🙁

    I almost feel like going home…. but I don’t want to do it “for him”. he hasn’t asked but… sometimes I want to go back but I’m having so many adventures bouncing between states… plus I was secretly making sure my ex and I would be too far apart to reconcile… I feel sad now about running away… I don’t like long-distance either …
    I left when I felt like marriage wasn’t a priority… and now I want to get married again 🙁

    I feel so confused… I want to be home but it’s soooooo expensive there and the standard of living is soooo low.

    sigh…I love the city at xmas time…. but it is so dirty and busy I get angry …

  37.  #37Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    This is off topic and nothing to do with nothing, I was had this “idea” that black and brown dont go together, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought hey my eyes are dark brown and black, who says they dont go together. So im making a point of wearing dark brown and black on my date tonight with a splash of pink! hehe.

    off topic again, when a man remarks on my beauty 🙂 I feel like he is just blowing smoke up my bum lol. I’ve learned to say thank you, took a long time but yeah, 🙂

  38.  #38Simply Shannon on November 7, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Rori: Thank you for this post and for posting to Mary Ann about the drinking. I’m in the same boat as she is on that one. I’m “wasting my Circular Dating time”. Click. I got that. Thank you!

  39.  #39Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    That is great advice Rori is giving about drinking and circular dating, if only to protect yourself from harm. When I am in a bar situation I order “three juice” 🙂 like whaaaaaa, yeah three juice is three of anything with no alchohol or a shirley temple I guess.

  40.  #40Mary Ann on November 7, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Shannon…it feels good to know someone else is “in the same boat” thanks.

    I was feeling a little ashamed, and a little judged…but I know Rori was really just talking about circular dating time. Not about my drinking habits or not acting like a grown up…those are my feelings.

    Your comments helped me to see that, thanks!

  41.  #41Mary Ann on November 7, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    I love Siren Island…actually contributing and exchanging with you all, has helped more than all the reading in the world…thanks 🙂

  42.  #42Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    I love my feeelings of shame and guilt lol but not for to long! I figured out that thing about beating myself up, haha, no one has to do it for me any longer , I do a great job myself!

  43.  #43Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:37 pm

    Mary Ann baby steps! 🙂

  44.  #44Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    You too Simply Shannon!

  45.  #45Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    My date is picking up the ball where mooseman dropped haha, he actually called me a GODDESS weee! He wants to hear me sing again 🙂

  46.  #46Tina on November 7, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    I’m looking for “rockstar” tshirts to wear on my nights out singing hehe.

  47.  #47Linda on November 7, 2009 at 2:56 pm

    Rori… thank you for the confirmation. You are so right, a correpsondence, just phone… etc is just NOT real. It did not feel real.

    I got my reponse from him. He said, “I understand, I wish you the best”….. so the man who told me he was captivated by my beauty, that his heart soared everytime he would have an email from me…and would never be done talking to me (all his own words)…. jetted. and is done just like that.!! LOL

    I felt I did the right thing and am really happy to have you confirm that to me. It did not feel like leaning forward,( i wasnt sure really)….but it felt like I was just being authentic and stating my position.

    This experience has allowed me to feel the difference between leaning forward and being authentic. I get it now!… This was a great learning experience for me.

    Linda (smiling)

  48.  #48Mary Ann on November 7, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    Tina’s a rockstar…yahhhhhh lol!! and a goddess

    Thanks for the three juice tip!

    Linda..I’m smiling for you too 🙂

  49.  #49Daria on November 7, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    Mama’s Daily Fluff:
    Have your way with the men in your life. It’s the nicest thing you can do for them.

    – Mama Gena

  50.  #50Daria on November 7, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    I’m still wishing I had sex wiht one of my lovers’ best friends. ( a particular man, not in general)

    rrr… I still want to lol and have been fantasizing about it, right now he is not around though

    I am going to practice taking that sexual desire feeling and holding it for myself, taking it with me as my feeling into the new

  51.  #51nikita on November 7, 2009 at 6:32 pm


    read mama gena’s stuff and it’s so confusing compared to Rori’s lean back…..what is this rockstar stuff she speaks of?

  52.  #52nikita on November 7, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    hehehe I am thoroughly enjoying myself with online flirting 🙂 using lots of feeling messages just to practice feeling messages….my roomie is a man and he tries to outgirl me……I get angry and all masculine when he does it…..so I’m restoring my feminine vibe while he’s out of town 🙂

  53.  #53nikita on November 7, 2009 at 6:36 pm


    must stop chainsmoking….I quit a while back too….why the hell did I pick it back up….any help greatly appreciated.

  54.  #54Simply Shannon on November 7, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Nikita: Does it help to know I’m smoking with you? 😉

  55.  #55nikita on November 7, 2009 at 8:58 pm


    a little but….ugh…I wish I wanted to stop. It never satisfies.

  56.  #56alias girl on November 7, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    i have this thing…

    i really want to have lovely relationships. and i had this thing in the past that i pushed people away or did or said things to alienate them.

  57.  #57nikita on November 7, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    I feel divided. I’m living with a man and I feel the guy I’m crushing on is “insecure” about it….or something…he mentions that we sound like a married couple….he’s mentioned this more than once….but I just moved out of a roomie situation with a girl who was ALWAYS bringing guys home and would even sometimes forget to lock the door…and that was giving me panic attacks so now I feel safe but ….. WTF ? I feel like it’s bothering him a lot and yet he’s not super confrontational about it… I feel trapped. I HATE feminism!!!!

  58.  #58nikita on November 7, 2009 at 9:08 pm

    Alias girl.

    I think I have that thing, how do you do it? just comparing notes……or trying to

  59.  #59B on November 7, 2009 at 9:51 pm

    Nikita –

    Do you feel trapped only because of how your crush feels about the situation? Are you comfortable living there otherwise?

    I have been in a similar situation, and all I would say is keep doin’ what you’re doin’! If you’re happy living there, let your crush decide he wants to be the one you live with, and woo you and marry you to earn the right. 😉

  60.  #60nikita on November 7, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    oooh B

    thx….I feel comfy…I feel like I’m in a pseudo marriage and learning that I love cooking for someone and I take much better care of the house…I’m built for it. It fills a need of mine…..I love supporting and inspiring someone….my roomie just doubled his income with my encouragement…I feel so happy that we went through this journey together….he has two cars so it comes with the living situation… I feel spoiled and supported…. and we get to chat about our dates 🙂 I love it…it feels cozy… but I am crazy about my crush 🙁 I don’t want to hurt him…it feels unfair that….well, I’m the type of girl that likes to live with a man… I feel safer that way…I’ve lived alone…but I prefer this…. I love sharing my life…and yes mr. crush could just step up….. I’d be out of here in 60 seconds….

    thx nikita

  61.  #61nikita on November 7, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    oh… I feel trapped because I choose safety over the typical idea of independence……as if I’m supposed to live alone in the city working in a cubicle….living with a cat until my prince comes…..NO. cats are adorable but I resent a lot of what is expected of women…..I don’t want to live alone. I was an only child….I’ve had my fill of alone…and I’m over what society says is acceptable…I feel like it’s unfair for me to do that for myself just to be “respectable and trustworthy” for a man…… I like being protected and I found a happy medium to get my needs met….I feel like….damned if I do…damned if I don’t.

  62.  #62alias girl on November 7, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    nikita i stopped doing my thing as of today when i wrote that comment on the blog. now i am quite genial and open and gentle and accepting. and i attract really supportive, loving people who adore me so i feel really good about creating, building and sustaining relationships with other humans now. yae1

    nikita i feel good reading about your comfy safe living situation.

    well i snuck into a movie at the theater today so i could see mj’s “this is is”
    well this is it for me too, i guess. the start of my life of crime. 🙂

  63.  #63Daria on November 8, 2009 at 2:43 am

    i finally went on a date

    i feel good!

    the date man was difficult but i did the mama gena thing and think about how having my way with men is doing the best for them

    so it helped me not tolerate

    and i asked for food and to be walked to the car yay


    then now some guy who friended me online i wrote him he looks handsome and i feel intrigued… (my usual) but he is handsome and seems to be some kind of artist that may be going somewhere

    well he just wrote back


    so now i felt weird so i wrote him

    ha? wow i feel surprised didnt expect that…

    i feel shy now i dont know what to say… im feeling insecure now lol

    what do u think?

    i feel all insecure lol

    otherwise i feel GOOD!

    i did my makeup!


    i started doing my makeup again after an almost 10 year hiatus hehe

    and ive been working out

    i read something about this lady who said that if we set a goal, like for our body, and keep showing up for our body by doing what we need for our goal everyday, then our body will start trusting us again

    so its been feeling easier to “show up” for my body, and also clearer to hear and feel the voices that say, no don’t bother, etc… and like take a distance from them rather than automatically follow

  64.  #64Daria on November 8, 2009 at 2:44 am

    yes sometimes i like mama gena’s stuff of stating our desires…

    so i dono

    sometimes i wanna say I want vs only I don’t want…

    but i don’t want to attach to the outcome…

    so i do feel confused but I think its about the energy

  65.  #65Jennifer on November 8, 2009 at 6:32 am

    wow..great blog….just tell your truth.
    I will work on that. I have a tendency to tell the story. I feel that if I can explain myself enough, people will agree with my POV. Even B. But that don’t really work.
    Random rant.
    I feel empty today. I feel crappy.
    Facts….B has injured himself on his training course and is coming back early. He called me yesterday with all the gory details. They have decided that he cannot complete the course without risk of permanent injury.
    Feelings… I felt annoyed the entire time I was listening to the gory details. I kept feeling like “really? Cause if I had a problem like this you would only reply with “yup”, or “ok” and here I am saying stuff like “that doesn’t seem fair” and “I’m sorry that happened to you” and “i know you’ll be a great officer”
    So now I just feel empty. Like I’ve given it all away. I still struggle with the leaning forward deal. I didn’t know how to not lean forward when he called me with such sucky news. But I feel bitter cause I know I wouldn’t get the same support.
    Which of course makes me “take score”. Another problem I have…I’m big on the score. Like how much support I feel I’m getting vs. How much support I feel I’m putting out. How much effort I feel i’m putting out vs how much effort I feel he’s putting out.
    It’s all very subjective anyway so it shouldn’t matter a great deal but yet it does.
    I feel weepy and cheated. I feel used and empty.
    I can’t even blame PMS LOL. I guess I just feel the way I feel.
    I should probably book another EFT appointment this week….before this I would feel too overwhelmed by these feelings to process them, now at least I seem to be processing. I DO love my EFT lady…she rocks!

  66.  #66Tracy on November 8, 2009 at 7:25 am

    I feel excited wih life today….i feel happy that my grandma iis around….I love all my feelings….life feels different and i feel energized…i love this new me….
    It feels great to ackowledge my feelings….

  67.  #67Dorothea on November 8, 2009 at 9:10 am

    I am a smoker. I stopped for almost a month when I was backpacking in Europe. I was away from friends and family so I didn’t feel pressure to keep smoking so that I wouldn’t get very cranky around them. They all wanted me to stop but appreciated that I wanted to spare them my crankiness.

    Now I’m back home and I smoke a couple cigarettes a day because my friend offers them to me. I am learning that quitting smoking is something I do best when I can control the level of temptation. Last night I started saying no every time my friend asked if I wanted to go outside to smoke a cigarette with her, but this makes her feel abandoned. I feel a little irritated and sorry for her, too, because I am not responsible for her in this way!

  68.  #68Linda on November 8, 2009 at 10:04 am

    I feel relieved today. I was tired of this man poking me his trivial emails. I feel relieved that I know he is not going to step up. It is like I got rid of an iritation, it is like I got rid of a pesky flea. LOL

    I am finding it easier and easier to not become “hooked” by words and keep my focus on reality. I feel happy that I was able to act on my instinct and intuition with the “email guy” and feel like I have made some great progress in adjusting my behavior so that I can make way in my life for the relationship that I want and not waste time on people and things that will not yeild the fruit of what I want in my life. Even if this guy changed his tune and stepped up later, he now knows that what he was offering me was not enough and would have to change. It just feels self protective and good to me to treat myself that way I should be.

    I am telling you the truth when I say…repeating the thought that “if a man is not in front of you he is not real” and “actions are the the truth, words are not.” helped steer me through this little scenerio. It is my mantra I guess for now.

    I heard the song, that has the words in it “say what you need to say”….I like that song.


  69.  #69nikita on November 8, 2009 at 11:08 am


    thx….my roomie likes that I smoke the smell reminds him of his father…he grew up with it….. I asked him outright to support me in stopping…. he agreed but I can feel his encouragement…. I don’t want to be responsible for his nostalgia…. I read a book…the easy way to stop smoking….it worked but…I came back to it…. It feels like a way to isolate myself and demand “me” time….but it doesn’t feel good….but getting it out there to the people around me that I’d like to be seen differently and asking for support did clear some anxiety about it…..it’s also a bit of rebellion….I secretly feel good blowing smoke…and pushing away the rules….

    xoxox nikita

  70.  #70Dorothea on November 8, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    i love to smoke. cigs or weed. honestly, it does make me feel cool. and relaxed. the difference is that with weed, i felt like my time as a heavy pot smoker came to a natural end, and when it stopped being congruent with how I wanted to feel, I could just stop. No physical pull to replenish nicotine levels in my body…

    Cigs and caffeine on the other hand….those are my vices.

  71.  #71MJ on November 8, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    I am on the verge of selling my house. I am 53 and a high school teacher. I am considering moving in with a man I have dated for 16 months- he lives in another city. I work in a town between his city and my own.

    He is still married, although marriage has been over 14 years. He lived with another woman 2 years. I according to Rori I should circular date until he proposes- but the thought of marriage makes me feel trapped (I am divorced). So I don’t know if that is the goal I want with this man.

    I do have romantic fantasies of someone giving me a diamond- but the thought of actual marriage (to anyone) makes me claustrophobic. My parents had a terrible marriage- and I don’t think I would have gotten married the first time if I hadn’t been pregnant.

    I am selling my house no matter what- and I want to be closer to this man so that all my energy isn’t spent travelling to work, to his house, or having him as a guest in my house.

    Why am I so torn? Don’t know what’s wrong. Before it became a reality I had imagined myself living in his house- now I feel resentful, like he is not making enough effort, for some reason. Even though he’s willing to accommodate me and make room for me in his home. He’s turning the 3rd floor into a writing studio for me. Don’t get my reaction. Weird.

    Can anyone advise? Please?

    He is ‘preparing his home to make room’ for me. Sometimes that feels like he is being selfish- shouldn’t he be here helping me to get my house ready to sell?

    What is wrong with this situation? Or is it just me, sabotaging everything good in my life?

    And speaking of smoking- he smokes and I don’t! Don’t love that… but don’t hate it either.

  72.  #72MJ on November 8, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    I didn’t even say what I meant to re. the topic of this blog- i.e. Story- I agree wholeheartedly- when talking to a man, using story as metaphor or background just doesn’t seem to work-

    Just stick to the facts, mam!

  73.  #73alias girl on November 8, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    Mj I really only saw one feeling message in your comment and that was that you feel resentful.

    what do you think?

  74.  #74Daria on November 8, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    I’m feeling good! I woke up feeling good! and it took me about an hour to get out of bed but I felt good the whole time. yay.

    I felt on alert hearing my dad’s voice but it didnt seem to be arguing so i relaxed.

    I feel SO PROUD of myself for showing up for my body and doing my exercise every nite! I am really sticking to it no problems because i want to SHOW UP for my body so my body can trust me again! yes!

    I am also asking the angels for help with it and they have been delivering.

    I want a man to say “i’m coming to get u” and then me spend time passenger seat of his car as he drives around during the day taking care of his business, and mine, and paying me good attention. I am imagining men showing up offering me this ride and calling in the morning liek hey im coming to get you yay.

    I feel good and energetic and one new thought for me is I have Animal Adrenalin I really like that hehe. Also I am practicing imagining like I am brazilian or living in brazil and feeling that freedom and flowy and natural in tuneness that i imagine.

    I desire a mix of songs to express that that I can listen to, yum.

  75.  #75Daria on November 8, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    PS – I like it when men pull and squeeze on my butt! lol!

    Just a reminder. I feel glad to discover this because I remember having an orgasm once when a man was doing this while we were having sex.

  76.  #76Daria on November 8, 2009 at 2:21 pm

    Mama’s Daily Fluff:

    Flirtation is all about you having more fun. Your goal is to amuse yourself, which naturally lightens the environment around you.

    – Mama Gena

  77.  #77MJ on November 8, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    omg alias girl- you’re right!

  78.  #78alias girl on November 8, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    mj – What IS the goal you have for yourself with a man? what is YOUR happy ever after?

    i also am not sure i want marriage. but i also know i don’t want a married man. that is For ME.

    everybody is different. What do YOU want? How do You FEEL?

  79.  #79nikita on November 8, 2009 at 4:15 pm


    My mom gets rings from men…..she never marries them….if they’ve dated a while she just takes them to a jewelry store and tells them…..I need something….a token…an expression….but they know it doesn’t mean engagement.

  80.  #80nikita on November 8, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Holy Cow!

    I actually posted a picture online and I came home to like 30 messages…..sheesh……I had to logout and walk away…..it feels so much more serene over here.

  81.  #81Bethany on November 8, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    Um, okay. I feel humbled.

    Last night I went out with a friend to talk to (at Rori’s suggestion) to the same bar, and just talked to her. We were sitting at this round table just talking and eating buffalo wings when this guy sits down. It’s one of Lisa’s (my friend’s) co-workers. AND it’s the same guy who’s picture Rori had sent me!! (Rori, I don’t know if you remember, I talked to you back in June I think and you did a quick search for me about dating in SD and this was the first guy you found so you sent me the link? It was THAT GUY!). THEN two other guys sat down! Um, wow. I went out with the intention to put myself out there but to be talking with my friend and then three guys just show up! I felt like laughing out loud.

    I practiced leaning back and I felt annoyed because Lisa kept babbling and babbling and I realized I was feeling super judgmental about her and these guys. I was being super critical in my head about them. The first guy really focused in on me. I practiced listening at Level 2 and feeling messages. Then we went to shoot pool and I felt really tired and kind of crabby. I felt really quiet and I realized I have felt triggered almost my entire life about silence in group settings. I feel an immense urge to make sure everyone is talking and having fun. As if it’s my fault if it’s not flowing, like they’re all judging me for being boring. I still don’t have that figured out: what’s leaning back and staying in my feelings versus what’s indulging in my tendency to avoid attention and be all mousy?

    So many comments I want to read…Rori, your family is adorable. Thanks for sharing.

    Oh, and I looked into reading for kids and working at the domestic violence shelter here in town. I’m going to check some more out with the Chamber of Commerce tomorrow.

  82.  #82gina on November 8, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    Bethany, that’s an extraordinary coincidence. What a cool story. I can relate to your concern about leaning back versus introversion.

  83.  #83gina on November 8, 2009 at 7:19 pm

    I stood up for myself last night. I’ve felt like crap at work cause of the combative dynamic between me and the bartenders. I often feel violated, I usually feel defensive, and I always feel scared when I am at the bar. I handled things in a very masculine way in order to protect my feelings (feminine part) and it FELT GREAT!!! Oh I just had a revelation: when i was 13 I got into a violent situation with a kid cause I stood up for a girl from the special ed class. I felt scared of standing up for myself after that. I felt determined to stand up for myself but my masculine side felt threatened and defensive and stunted.
    Anyway, last night I stood up for myself and speaking the truth. PHEW!! it felt good.

  84.  #84Simply Shannon on November 8, 2009 at 9:02 pm

    I feel so proud hearing about all these great experiences Sirens!

    I feel excited to share something about my day today. They’ve started a series at my church called “don’t get married until…”. I never knew that so much of what Rori teaches is actually how it’s written in the bible! I felt stunned at the service today. Literally had to keep myself in my seat! It felt so refreshing to hear that a man is suppose to pursue a woman! The pastor even said that texting a woman to ask for a date is being a COWARD and not MANLY. My pastor tells it straight up and wow, I felt floored.

    Today’s service described what being a MAN is (next week is about the woman and I can’t wait!). He described four key ways you know you’re dealing with a man:
    1. Willing to handle money properly – this is a man being employed and/or looking for a job. A man who is unwilling to work is not a man. This does not include when a man’s been laid off or is unable to work – those men are willing to work. Another thing is a man who is consumed by money is also not a man. A woman is not a possession or something to “have” or “buy”. It’s good for men to have dreams of things that they might want but a man says a lot about himself if he believes that the things he has define him. And this is true for men and women, especially considering that almost all of us are “rich” by the world’s standards. We wish for what we don’t have, take for granted what we do have instead of being grateful.
    2. Willing to pursue – this is a man willing to pursue the woman both during dating as well as in a commitment/ marriage. He basically said that you know when you’re in a good relationship when the woman thinks it’s all about her. 🙂 Sure there are ebbs and flows but a woman should feel like she’s the center. Woohoo!
    3. Willing to fight – this is a man being willing to go the distance. This is not about “fighting”, like duking it out or something. This is a man who is willing to fight for the woman he wants and to pursue her. This is also being willing to listen and resolve conflict when it occurs. To continue listening and talking until both of you feels good about the outcome.
    4. Willing to identify himself with Jesus – This is a man who is willing to show how he feels about Christ through his actions, someone who is willing to lead like Jesus and serve like Jesus. He talked about a friend of his who, on his wedding night, washed the feet of his bride and told her that he would serve her just like that the rest of their marriage. Can you imagine?

    I can’t wait til next week when it’s about being a woman. I feel a little nervous about how he’ll discuss commitment. I almost feel compelled to email him and give him the no-girlfriend speech. I wonder if he would share it with the congregation!


  85.  #85Bethany on November 8, 2009 at 9:07 pm

    I feel sad because he doesn’t love me. I know it, but it still hurts. He doesn’t want to come to my family’s for Thanksgiving…I asked him last weekend and he said something like “maybe,” then tonight he said he’s going to be with his family and that maybe we could meet up after, that weekend. I guess I understand he wants to spend it with his family, but I guess I was just hoping he’d want to do something “serious” and be at my home for Thanksgiving. Which was silly wishful thinking. He also thought about moving to Chicago. And I feel defensive because I feel like that was MY idea first, and I feel scared that what if me moving to Minneapolis is all to do with him, and then he isn’t even there? Am I kidding myself here? I don’t know. I feel so scared. I feel so angry that I’m all tied up in him. I feel so angry, angry, angry, angry…I want there to be other options and this weekend was a crazy-scary step but I feel so scared. What if I’m doing it all wrong? What if I should just pack up and move to one of the coasts and start all over before he has a chance to dump me? Oh, that’s a horrible, horrible thought. I really don’t like being so torn up inside. I feel heartbroken and we only had a phone conversation…this is very unhealthy for me. This town is not healthy for me. This relationship is not healthy for me. I don’t want to be here. I feel trapped. I feel the walls closing in on me. It feels really, really bad to be here.

    I feel lonely anyway–whether he’s in my life or not. I don’t know how to not feel that way.

    This dating thing just feels like a huge chore. I guess I feel tired of all the energy I have to put into it. I mean, I went out last night but none of those guys asked me out. Am I too focused on getting an actual date? Yes. I feel desperate to have this “work” for me to get Christopher “out” of my system. Desperation and loneliness and sadness are not working for me. I want something else. I want to have FUN!!! I want to feel safe and happy and like I’m having fun and NOT CONCERNED WHETHER HE COMES OR GOES. To do that, I need a passion, as Rori says. I feel passionate about animals. I feel passionate about art and design. And I want to be an independent clothing designer. There! Said it! I would love nothing more than to have my own little clothing label, nothing big, I don’t want to be “big,” I just want to be solvent and successful and inspired. More and more I see myself doing that in Minneapolis where there is a growing independent design scene. But what if I’m making it all up in my head because I think Christopher is going to be there? And what if he’s not? Could I still have a good life there? Well, I believe so. It’s close enough so I can get home, it’s a city I’ve always liked, so what if it’s not New York or LA? Or Chicago? Those are big, big cities and really far from home. I like the Midwest. And it’s not as expensive. I don’t know. It just feels like he’s always doing something more exciting than me…if he moved to Chicago, I would feel really jealous. Which is stupid. Why am I in competition with him? I’m not. Is he trying to get away from me? I don’t know. I hope not. Yuck. I feel really icky.

  86.  #86nikita on November 8, 2009 at 9:13 pm


    yayy!!!!! OMGoodness! thank-you for sharing….Please take copious notes and share next weeks sermon….I am at the edge of my seat …. I might have to send you my e-mail. I love it! so true….so true..I feel elated 🙂

    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

  87.  #87Ann on November 8, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    Thank you Rori and Jeff. It feels good to hear a man’s perspective. I hope we hear more from Jeff.

  88.  #88Mary Ann on November 8, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Wow Shannon..that’s a great confirmation! I’m not a religious person but I do believe in the simple natural way of life. I do believe that all creatures have their roles in courtship..their natural instinct. But I think we as people find ourselves doing unnatural things all the time. We wander so far from nature’s laws in so many ways.

    I had another interesting day. The weather here was super warm, unusual for the time of year. I know I shouldn’t have but I initiated contact with J today…and we ended up going for a walk in the park..his friend B joined us…this is now my second day spent with both of them. I felt so giddy…between the weather and spending the afternoon walking in the park with not just one but two handsome men made me feel like a Goddess…a very confused Goddess but nonetheless lol!
    J did take the opportunity to walk me home on his own though. But B touches me more…plays with me more. He is the more relaxed “fun” guy…J is the more responsible more serious one. They are best friends and I would think they have had conversations…but I have no idea who wants what…I’m going to love leaning back and being surprised!! Ladies…please help me to not get impatient and try to force an outcome here as a result lol!!

  89.  #89Simply Shannon on November 8, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    Nikita: I missed the first service in the series (it was last week – I’m watching it online now). If you want to watch that one, it’s here…


    I think the one about men should be available Tuesday or Wednesday.

    Yeah! I feel so happy that it touched someone else! I felt a little worried that I would offend folks since this is Christian based series, but I just couldn’t not share it!!

  90.  #90Simply Shannon on November 8, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    Oh and if you watch it, you can skip all the music (if you want – although the music ROCKS!) and start it at about 40 minutes in.

  91.  #91nikita on November 8, 2009 at 9:55 pm


    Thank-you….it’s very welcome…..my parents are major christians 🙂

  92.  #92Mary Ann on November 8, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    “focus on the blessing…God will make it clear”

    Sounds like…

    “stay on your horse..stick with the plan”

    love it

  93.  #93Mary Ann on November 8, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    “Is the process immersed in worship or wickedness?”

    I feel a bit defensive about the word wickedness…but for me I could translate this into…does the process make me feel good or bad? All of me…not just my body, not just for a moment.

    I turned down sex tonight…he’s someone I dated years ago..who still texts me all the time and asks me to get together which we do from time to time…but I practice with him…he does not pressure me for sex..but does lightheartedly bring it up occasionally. Since we reconnected in the spring, we have only kissed, but he has made it clear he can’t have a relationship as he lives in Florida 3 months out the year, we are in Canada. I have made in clear I do not want a casual relationship. He seems to still like my company so although he’s a low priority for me, I do like him enough to spend some time with him. Also, he’s great practice. I feel that I have not become invested in him due to clearly stating my boundaries and letting him know what I want. His honesty has also been a great help and I respect him for that.

  94.  #94Tracy on November 8, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    Simply Shannon,
    Thanks for sharing….
    It feels great to see how everything is integrated together and works out for our overall good…
    I feel that i am not only improving my relationship with men and my family but with myself and my spiritual life and it feels good to be here….thank you…

  95.  #95DocK on November 9, 2009 at 8:17 am

    Tina, how about a rock star thong?


    Also, http://www.customglamgirl.com/

    has make your own shirts, pants and stuff where you can actually make the saying in rhinestones.

    : – )

  96.  #96nikita on November 9, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Simply Marvelous 🙂


    my fave was compromise or conviction…..yeaaaaaaaaah !!!

  97.  #97Matthew on November 9, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Thanks for posting this. I’m a big fan of Jeffrey’s work and I’m glad to see him moving in this new direction.

    As a man, I think direct communication is always a good thing. Most of us are not good mind readers, so hints can easily be missed. I know I’ve missed quite a few in my time.

    The script provided is a great model and can be used for any number of situations.

    Thanks again Rori!
    Matthew Walters

  98.  #98Rori Raye on November 9, 2009 at 8:34 pm

    Matthew, Thank you for showing up here. (Matthew is Orna’s husband and the other half of their relationship coaching team.) Look forward to seeing your masculine energy take on what we’re doing here…..Love, Rori

  99.  #99Rori Raye on November 9, 2009 at 9:20 pm

    Very cool, Dock. Rori

  100.  #100Janosik Daffie on November 28, 2009 at 11:17 am

    Hello everybody, it is Thanksgiving Day! I’m enjoying my extra day off, and I am planning to make something fun that will probably involve a car trip and seeing something new in Monroe I haven’t seen yet.
    You write something new at Thanksgiving?