A Success Story From Nancy

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hearts making heart 110Dear Rori and Coach Michelle Manley,

I felt moved to share with you a lovely new relationship I’ve found myself in with a man 10 years younger than myself. I met him online and there was instant ‘attraction’.

Yet, in our conversation he proved himself to be a strong, masculine man who – though having never being married – confessed very traditional values and the desire to be ‘allowed’ to be the man in a relationship.

While he didn’t complain about women, he was clear that he was attracted to femininity and understood that the differences are part of what attracts a man to a woman.

I have continued to use the tools and give him the space to give to me. I have been able to see that my struggle in this is clearly mine and the tools have provided me with new disciplines and ways of thinking.

Over the last 6 weeks it has resulted in the beginning of what I believe to be a strong foundation for whatever may lie ahead.

I was particularly and happily surprised at his response to a question I posed to him.

As I have children that live with me, yet go to their dad’s throughout the summer, I’ve been uncertain whether or not to tell Carl when they are gone, so we can relax with a movie or dinner at my house.

I worried that it was leaning forward too much and after realizing that I was worried I simply told him. It went something like this:

” watched the show you suggested and it would have felt really good to watch it with you. I dropped the boys off at their dad’s for 2 weeks and my daughters are staying with their grandparents.

I feel weird telling you this because I”m don’t feel confident in knowing when it’s appropriate to tell you my feelings.

I know what I feel and what I’d like and I know that I want to be in a relationship where I can be me and feel loved even in my uncertainty and ugliness and difficulties – as I intend to love my partner in the same way. I just don’t know the steps to get there. What do you think?”

His response: Man, Nancy – you’re pretty deep for so early in the morning.  All I’m saying is you can be comfortable saying whatever you want and we can deal with it.

My jaw dropped. I melted and my heart opened even more. I feel so free in this relationship and dare I say comfortable not knowing what is ahead but just living in the moment.

Dating with children is a little different as he doesn’t have any and lives in an apartment with a roommate, so I do reach out to tell him what is going on but it is always open ended.

Through your help and these programs I’ve learned to say simply: The kids are away and it’d feel great to see you. What do you think?  

Sometimes he can and other times he can’t but what is amazing is that if he can’t I know he’s sincere in saying ‘but I sure wish that would’ve worked out…’

I’m soooo very excited to see where this goes but enjoying every minute of it.

I’m not ‘dating’ as much but continue to flirt with men casually and go to lunch with single male friends. I was honestly becoming skeptical to the possibility of finding a man like this, let alone a single man – never married – who truly enjoys just being with me – and tells me so.

Thank you for all of your encouragement and the work you do.

Fondly, Nora

43 Comments

  1.  #1Grace on August 2, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Hooray for younger men!
    DJCD is 15 years younger…and it never feels like an issue. Because I have learned to lean back and let a man lead, I can feel so much safer and more secure that a man is really into me and not feel like everything is just going to fall apart with one wrong move. I don’t need a man to step up righthisminute and make me his girlfriend or have an explicit commitment – I feel and see the commitment in actions.
    I’m thoroughly enjoying CDing and the freedom it gives me to feel like there’s no rush, it’s easy breezy. My CD’s, the men in my tribe, are delighting me with how they are unfolding in time. For the first time I can remember, the more I get to know them the better it gets.
    Today I asked a CD to drop me off somewhere, and he wanted to go inside and just sit with me. Just. Sit there. Waiting with me while I waited for my prescription.
    Then walked me over the music store and treated me to some drum lessons and then played drums for me for a half hour. I had never seen this side of him before! I felt great and flattered because I could tell he was showing off for me, too. I mean, this guy knows most of my deep, dark stuff…he just took me to pick up my scrip for a yeast infection for crying out loud, and there he was, LOATHE to leave my side, and rearranging his schedule to take me home instead of dropping me off so I could take the bus home.
    There’s no worries with him, or any of my other CD’s, that “when they really get to know me they will run” because I’m pretty much all me all of the time now. No putting on fronts, trying to impress, pretending I’m someone I’m not or that I don’t feel how I feel or think how I think.
    *sigh*
    I feel content.
    I feel grateful.

    Yes, YES thank you Rori, for teaching me how and encouraging me to say what I feel and stand there and really feel it even when I feel trembly and nauseous and like a cornered wild animal! With this latest round of CD’s there has been a lot of “calm” that has registered as “numb” to me and the more present I can be with the the more relaxed I feel, and the more at ease with life and other people I feel.

    happythankyoumoreplease!!



  2.  #2Femininewoman on August 2, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    What a lovely story



  3.  #3Angela on August 2, 2016 at 9:20 pm

    Nora!
    You are soooooo inspiring! I love how you share your feelings. Its feels so vulnerable and powerful at the same time.
    You’re such a great example!
    I love his reply, “Man, Nancy – you’re pretty deep for so early in the morning. All I’m saying is you can be comfortable saying whatever you want and we can deal with it.”



  4.  #4Azure Blu on August 4, 2016 at 12:57 am

    Grace…
    Ahhh… how perfect ly wonderful!! You sound so happy and relaxed
    and Loving All of YOU!!
    I feel sunshiny happy reading about Your Cds and how well
    you are juggling them all… like a Siren!!!

    this resonated with me this morning….
    “me to say what I feel
    and stand there and really feel it
    even when I feel trembly
    and nauseous and
    like a cornered wild animal!”
    huggs darling…. keep shinning brightly!



  5.  #5Grace on August 4, 2016 at 6:30 pm

    Azure thank you thank you 🙂
    My own words came back to haunt me today in a good way, when I stood in my feelings with a man at work who has a reputation for being condescending and making people feel small and belittled. He approached me, and I could feeeeel as if a cloud of pressure was pressing in on me. I felt my insides start to shrink a bit, and I sort of …caught it? and while he was talking to me and my voice was shaky, I imagined a point of bright light in the center of my body, filling my body and radiating all around me in a column of white light. I pushed my energy out and back at him and imagined protection all around with this white light. I felt like I was pushing his energy BACK to him, and it made me smile and feel relaxed and he started speaking softly and gently to me.

    After work, as I was walking to catch the bus, he stopped and offered me a ride…all friendly, haha.

    One of my work CD’s who flaked on me a couple of weeks ago popped back up by text, “Didn’t mean to disappear on you…” etc, and he wants to hang with me because my positivity is always welcome company.

    I was trying to figure out how to respond, and as I’m typing this I’m feeling like maybe it’s better not to. I feel like I just don’t want to expend any energy towards flakiness. Or maybe something playful like, “It’s going to take more than a text to get back in my good graces,” or something. FeminineWoman, care to chime in? You always have great responses for this kind of stuff. 🙂

    My birth sister, for the dozenth time in the year since I found her, texted me the other night that she was coming in to town. She got my schedule, knew I was going to be home, and then….crickets. AGAIN that b!tch (I say that affectionately) has the nerve to send me an invitation to another thing that she’s going to in my town, and said I’m going with her if she has to kidnap me. I asked her…so, what happened to you the other night? You said you were coming and then I didn’t hear from you?

    Radio silence…..

    I feel bored with it.



  6.  #6Femininewoman on August 6, 2016 at 3:26 am

    Grace I love that response about it taking more than a text to get back in your good graces. That is bang on.



  7.  #7Mandy on August 7, 2016 at 3:43 pm

    It sucks. I feel so down, sad, embarrassed, used, tossed aside. Dancing Wolf tossed me aside for another woman and when we both said we weren’t cool with it he said we should stop seeing each other.

    He totally played favorites and ignored me when we were both in his presence.

    Just gotta heal. I’m SO tired of this happening. You think you can trust someone……



  8.  #8Millie on August 7, 2016 at 11:06 pm

    Hi ladies!
    Haven’t been on the blog in a bit, how is everyone?

    I was excited to be dating three guys, but am now feeling more “friendship” vibe with two of them from my end. Guy A is on paper the perfect guy for me, but I wasn’t feeling the physical spark. I haven’t “let him go,” as I think he sense this and has dropped the ball as a result. Guy B, I am feeling a little irritated with because as much as his energy IS coming towards me in efforts of making plans, when I’m with him, I don’t FEEL his interest and attraction. He says he is interested and his actions do reflect that, but it seems he is very timid and worried about how he comes across, which I think prevents him from making moves. He says he is intimidated by me, and I feel turned off by that. I haven’t let him go either, but said I was unavailable to his last date request and have not heard from him. Guy C, I have mixed feelings for. He is an old friend and we have a very hot chemical attraction to each other. I enjoy being with him, but he has some issues from his past (as do I) that are surfacing in the relationship. His issues scare me (prior addiction, addictive personality, and difficulty committing) and I have contemplated walking away. On the other hand, I appreciate his honesty and his willingness to overcome his past, I like how vulnerable and open he is about his weaknesses and on our last date felt a strong connection to him and felt him taking care of me and cherishing my feelings. I like that I am challenging him and am also noticing a lot coming up for me emotionally. I have been very open and vulnerable to him about my feelings/fears/desires and that feels scary to me. I am noticing my own fears of abandonment and deception come up. I am not completely over my own traumas, and am wondering if M’s leaving is still a prevalent pain in my body that is not allowing me to be truly intimate with a man. Or is it my body warning me of danger that it foresees… I don’t want to reject someone for being human and showing his human side to me, as well as I wouldn’t want to be rejected for being for showing my human side to someone. I am curious to see how this unfolds, but also am wondering if I should just avoid this altogether. We have seen each other 5 times now and have a date tmrw night for his bday. I am willing to give it more time without getting overly invested, I am just feeling a deep rooted fear surfacing and am not sure how to handle it. It surfaces around the issue of sex, which I had said I wanted to wait… I feel crazy attracted to him and want to sleep with him, but am scared…of what I’m not sure. I hear Dr. Pat Allen in my head about not sleeping with a man until you’ve gotten a “contract” for monogamy, continuity, and longevity, but I am not sure that this is the relationship for me yet. I want to sleep with him, but there is hesitation. I am realizing that pain surrounds most of my sexual experiences. Hook ups… men that have said they loved me and left… that feeling of loving someone and the fear of it not being reciprocated fully… or that the sex will create a false chemistry and honeymoon phase that will crash and burn once it’s over. It’s like I feel unable to detach sex from these fears. I want to heal these wounds, but I’m not sure how to.



  9.  #9Azure Blu on August 8, 2016 at 10:30 am

    Millie.
    How about experimenting with waiting for sex… to see what comes up for you?
    Changing our patterns Always causes anxiety…
    even if it’s good for you…
    Give yourself a gift of waiting, just to honor the fact that
    it might be VERY special and YOU don’t want to
    share it with someone your not sure of yet,,,
    Sex causes things to get WAY too intimate before
    either one of you are ready…
    I’ve found that – even though men ACT like they want more –
    when I tell them
    that I am VERY turned on by them
    But I am old fashion and I WAIT to share something this
    special -Most of them LOVE IT- and if they don’t…
    it’s ok – cause I don’t want a man like that.



  10.  #10Azure Blu on August 8, 2016 at 10:31 am

    Grace #5
    Ohhhh… I LOVE This tool… and how AMAZING it worked!!!
    I’m going to put this in my archives…
    Thank you!



  11.  #11HeartEyes on August 9, 2016 at 7:35 am

    Hi Rori,

    I hope that you don’t mind my commenting here, I tried emailing you about this but I am unsure if you have received my message. I’ve been trying to get in contact with one of your coaches Katy Sykes for over a week now via her website.

    Of course she might be away or otherwise engaged but just in the off chance I wondered if there might be a glitch in her website?
    I have sent her some messages about her servies through the systems of contact available on her website including to notify her that when I try to acess her coaching services/rates page there is no connection to another page. I haven’t had any kind of reply from her or had any automatic confirmation of my messages being properly received.

    I’m sorry to bother you in the chance that she is simply busy but just in case soemthing was wrong with the tech I wondered if you might be able to please let her know?

    Thank you Rori 🙂
    Love and Kind wishes,



  12.  #12Indigo on August 9, 2016 at 9:43 am

    Mandy,

    I don’t want to sound like I keep saying the same thing over and over, but these are the dangers of having a casual fling or arrangement with a guy. We tend to want the benefits of such an arrangement, but none of the heartache, which of course is not possible.

    It’s not a case of “if” a casual relationship will end because one of you finds someone you like more, it’s a case of “when”. I know how heartbreaking it is but I would love to see you raising your standards/expectations from men.



  13.  #13Grace on August 9, 2016 at 9:02 pm

    Azure Blu – I feel delighted you like it! I realized that my tendency was to ‘absorb’ other peoples’ energies. That was my role as “scapegoat” in my family, to take on EVERYTHING. So I’ve been playing with letting my energy push out and be BIG and facing the feelings of wanting to shrink and stay ‘small’ and refusing to absorb stuff. It’s been fun 🙂

    Aaaand a fun lesson in worthiness. LDCD and I had a date planned yesterday, and it turned out I got into a twist about transportation. I almost cancelled the date, but finally just told him things weren’t turning out the way I expected and I’d need to take a bus, which felt icky and weird and what does he think?

    Well, he thinks he’d be happy to call me an Uber, what is my address?
    My INSIDE voice was all…”ARE YOU KIDDING THAT IS A $30 FARE WAY OUT HERE!”
    My outside voice was all smooth as butter…”My address is….”

    I kept expecting him to figure out how much it costs and then tell me it was too much, maybe some other time. But nope…he also kept me totally up to speed on exactly where the driver was, his name, called to be sure the driver knew to come to the right place and not to him…he tracked us all on the GPS all the way to his house to be sure I was ok all along the way. That might sound creepy but it wasn’t, he was delighted with the technology more than anything. And, he ordered and paid for my Uber home. Not to mention cooked for me which was OMG PINCH ME AM I DREAMING?? I felt like I had leveled up because it has been eons since a man cooked for me. I felt totally pampered and spoiled.

    Aaaaand…to think I almost cancelled the date because I felt awkward about the transportation.

    😀



  14.  #14Grace on August 9, 2016 at 9:13 pm

    I couldn’t help but compare for a minute, the contrast of my experience with Lanky who was SO mad that I needed a ride and complained about picking me up most of the way. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Some people just don’t know a diamond when they see one, and even if they do, can’t possibly appreciate it. Fortunately *I* know I’m a treasure and am getting better and better and better at appreciating my own value.

    happythankyoumoreplease!



  15.  #15JaimeLove on August 10, 2016 at 5:12 am

    Hi beautiful Sirens. I have been MIA for a long time. I’m not only back on the blog but after giving birth to my 3rd child, I am finding myself alone raising him aswell as my older boys from a previous marriage. I just started dating again after a long and complicated time in my life when I merely had to survive my life and that of my childrens. Now things are falling a lot more into shape for me, and I am starting to date. I have a lot of recapping to do with the videos and books I had read and watched before from Rori and Christian. I just need your support because I have no idea if I am able to jump back in. Before my first date I found myself attracting a lot of men who are interested in a very casual relationship. I felt angry with their proposition but still flattered that they are interested in me so sexually. However I am looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage, and I am very interested in Circular dating to get there. I know it is the safest and most fun way to get to my goal to be in a committed loving relationship.

    I went out on my first date this Monday. it was actually very sweet and he was very nice, a single father himself. It was such an amazing first date, and I surprised myself agreeing to ride in a mopad! such an exhilarating experience. Although he did show interest in seeing me again he didn’t seal the deal with a second date, and since then has been very unassuming, like sending me small texts and asking when is an appropriate time to call. I’m used to men asking me on a second date the first date! And calling me whenever they want. I feel like if a man knew if he wanted to see you again he would take the initiative, does this sound wishy washy?



  16.  #16Azure Blu on August 10, 2016 at 8:32 am

    Grace #12
    Wow… me too!!! the family scapegoat! :-/
    and YES – I absorb everyone’s emotions…
    Ahhh… THANK YOU for explaining why you are practicing the “pushing out” your energy…
    ME TOO… I want to practice this…
    Always wanting to shrink and stay small to let everyone elses emotions shine and overpower.

    Mmmmm… love this story you shared with LDCD- Soooo many Siren moments
    YOU shinning and leaning back and being Divaliscious!!! and letting him pay for it all.
    so impressed… I would have had to bite my tongue to not say
    “Are you sure you want to pay $30 for the Uber?”
    You are worth it!! you are worthy of soooo much
    and so much more!!
    shine on fabulous Diva!!!
    oxoxox



  17.  #17Lovetodance on August 11, 2016 at 1:24 pm

    Ohmygosh. I am back. It feels like several lifetimes since I have been here. I have been reading lately the blog and see names of familiar adorable women who have a place in my heart ! Helloooooo!
    I am older
    I hope wiser. A little more experienced at this late great stage of life and even tho. Online dating brings all the triggers up again!
    Several men have viewed me. Some have left winks and messages. I don’t usually respond to the ones who I know instantly there would only be me rejecting them. There have been two I contacted first. Great sparky conversations online. One dropped the ball pretty quickly and the other one continued but conceivably stopped after I didn’t respond to s text.
    In both cases I have leaned forward knowing it goes against all the disciplines here but have felt compelled to as lighthearted as possible leave the door open.
    Oh my. On one hand it feels good like some sort of closure but on the other I am left with a sad feeling. Still not greeting the attention from who I need/like/want it from
    A new interesting man who is interesting to me has appeared. I respect that he had said he doesn’t want to just into something quickly and is interested in being free after being widowed to explore.
    Ok I too don’t want to jump into it put requirements on a date. I want to meet someone and let things develop commitment wise if that is the depth of feeling and connection there.
    He has texted me a few times and I already feel that feeling kicking in of anxiety. I am stopping now to be continued



  18.  #18Lovetodance on August 11, 2016 at 2:04 pm

    Part 2 con’t:
    The anxiety is how to stay cool headed and warm hearted. How to not start obsessing with ‘ I responded hours ago and why hasn’t he’? I know he is talking to others and I want the space to talk to others also and certainly know how in attractive it feels when I get the vibe of expectation or neediness from them. I know the answer is to take my attention off if this and be engaged in other parts of my life…., so I am writing now to see and feel the anxiety and compulsiveness that goes along with it
    I do give myself credit for being online and strengthening my ability to not take no response as a rejection of my being. I know how valuable I am. I’d just like to go on some dates darn it with some attractive guys and have them enthralled. Geesch is that asking toooo much?!



  19.  #19Azure Blu on August 12, 2016 at 12:36 pm

    Lovetodance!!!
    Ohhh…. I have missed you!!
    So wonderful to hear a more lighthearted YOU…
    More bounce in your step…
    AND you are having fun online dating!!!
    Yay!! look forward to hearing all about it.
    huggs!



  20.  #20Lovetodance on August 13, 2016 at 1:10 am

    Azure. Adorable you! I have missed you! Yes I am stronger and more light hearted and remembering more often to not take things personally. Ha! What an art form particularly in online dating or maybe life in general
    It’s confusing tho when I buy into I create my reality but then dont take personal the results? Oh well I know I am missing something in this little thesis I am writing here. It’s late and I just wanted to send you a big hug Mwah!



  21.  #21Rori Raye on August 13, 2016 at 10:03 am

    Heart Eyes – I’ll go check on Katy for you! Love, Rori



  22.  #22Lovetodance on August 13, 2016 at 2:08 pm

    Hello sirens…needing to polish up my sireness with latest adventure into online dating land. Ok what’s with the guys who message you with how gorgeous you are and a woman like you deserves to be told daily … Asks if you are ..,I respond yes. I tell myself daily. And your comment made me smile. He then disappears. That was the shortest flirt yet…
    So my question. Which I might know but want to hear from others. Are they just working on their flirt chops and no matter what I said. Doesn’t matter?
    Probably not responding would have gotten his attention
    Oh my do I have the stamina for these games?
    Even tho I know not to take it personally my emotions and hopes get triggered sooo quickly
    I need detachment pills



  23.  #23lovetodance on August 13, 2016 at 7:56 pm

    I know I sound so naive….I have been around the sun many times but have definitely played it safe by being in long term relationships or many times not being in one….but keeping away from what scared me …..REJECTION…. as much as possible….I mean who wants to feel rejected?
    In any case, my skin has gotten thicker…there still and will always be the little girl inside holding her heart in her hands…but somehow somewhere i have been able to go thru these feelings and still be alive….I just still am amazed at the games many men are playing and the lack of maturity…..
    just now someone asked to chat who i had definetely let know i felt a spark…and he disappeared…i left it at that….now weeks later he wants to chat and when i respond…he doesn’t ….omg did he press the wrong button by mistake? did he just want to know [norwegian wood syndrome?] or whhhaaatttt…i am frustrated!i mean I haven’t gotten to the dating yet….oy vey! lord have mercy! and every other lamentation….my cousin is online …she on the other hand has guys coming out of the woodwork…she is a little younger than me…63 and gorgeous….ok i’m alittle older and not as gorgeous and not the queen of innuendo like her but geeesh….i’m pretty darn cute and creative….anywhoooo maybe its dharma or karma or some kind of weird curse….but im not giving up…i embrace my innocence…naievete,,,,and open heart….i just not wearing it as much on my sleeve anymore…which i wasnt but i do take people to a certain degree at their word and herein lays the art ….toughen up and keep that heart open…..



  24.  #24Lovetodance on August 14, 2016 at 10:44 am

    Good morning honeys. I certainly been dominating the cyber waves on this thread currently I hope I have not come off too neurotic to respond. Lol
    It’s ok cause I have needed the space to air out the psyche. This private public space to be held as I tiptoe and many times trip bad in this internal journey to health and balance and joy!
    Soooo good news ! I’ll call him R. Well he actually called and we talked for at least an hour as I walked my dog
    He is fun over talks and knows it complimentary warm and soulful
    We are meeting next Friday to take me to lunch
    He knew ladies want the man to lead (hmmmmm) reading our material? And I tried to stay concious . He suggested a place and I said ok not my favorite whoops
    Anyhow caught myself and we are going there
    Happy this is happening
    And
    Someone I had a little fling with and ran into him unexpectentently and he wax so cold it was horrible
    I felt bad very bad and put another layer of men are f……
    I sent him an email saying that felt sooo awkward and cold too bad.
    He responded 2 days later with an apology. Oh thank goodness. That’s all it took
    So sirens I am feeling in love again with the other 1/2 of the species
    Thank you so much for reading this❤️❤️❤️



  25.  #25Azure Blu on August 15, 2016 at 7:09 am

    Lovetodance….
    Ahhh… the fun and agony of online dating!! :-))
    Have you read any of Evan Marc Katz- relationship coach- online?
    He has great perspective (man’s) about online dating
    and is so very good at keeping
    women motivated and light hearted!!!

    There are some Rori coaches that specialize in that also…
    I think Sami Wunder might have a video available…
    all this, has
    kept me (not online dating at the moment) motivated,
    continually tweeking my profile and pictures
    and working on ME and MY life…. and LOVING my innocent, vulnerable heart…
    and using them as my practice my vulnerability… my feeling messages, my feminine self
    being brave and NOT letting what’s important pass by.

    and I too get VERY discouraged when the ONE guy I thought looked/sounded sooo right
    for me… didn’t even respond back…
    and ALLL the NO’s I have had to say!!!
    and thinking that Spirit is probably a No also… (after 2 and half yrs)
    I’ll be joining you soon online my dear sweet Lovetodance!

    Spirit and I are still exclusive… I gave him a script about “You haven’t done anything wrong,
    (when he was trying to justify why he had gone dancing without me on numerous occasions) but I am breaking up with you because I am old fashioned
    and morally conservative and I don’t have boyfriends
    who go out dancing on their own –
    even if they are ballroom dancers.”
    and He immediately said “It turns meon to hear you are old fashioned and
    I won’t do that anymore”
    … then called me up the next day and said
    “He only loves me… he only wants to dance with me,
    and I am So easy for him to love so VERY Much… how does that make me feel?”
    I said “it makes me feel cherished and so very safe!!”
    That was a week and a half ago…
    Of course it was only because of all my spiritual work with Rori’s tools and her other coaches
    that I was able to say that to Spirit and mean it… (I am breatking up with him and the reason)
    I am thrilled that he wanted to do that for me!!!
    My heart swells with love and contentment
    to hear a man say that!!
    and then we spend the weekend to gether and ALL our EXTREME politics and religious differences come out again and I am
    NOT feeling the ease and love I am so craving…
    but I have been alone for SOOOO
    VERY LONG… I am finding it difficult to let him go… the NO dancing was my out….
    but it didn’t work.
    confused and loved… and staying open hearted…
    and feeling numb…

    Hang in there lovetodance… It’s a BIG, Beautiful Journey and You are
    LOVING YOU more and MORE which NO ONE can take away…
    That is how I have found, I can trust others more and more…
    Beacause I trust ME!!!



  26.  #26Azure Blu on August 15, 2016 at 7:18 am

    Jaimelove #15
    So nice to hear how your life is on the upswing and you are Circular dating…
    Ahhh… if he hasn’t ask for a second date… no biggy…
    after all… you have many other men who are ready to court you too!

    You have a great script for what you are looking for in your life!!

    I found that when **I** know what I want… it’s easy to
    keep the right CDs in my life who might want the same…

    We’re so glad to see you hear on Siren Island
    and look forward to your sharing all the knowledge
    you have from knowing the Rori tools!!!



  27.  #27Lovetodance on August 15, 2016 at 7:46 am

    Oh azure I feel your big beautiful heart. The work you have done and are doing is profound. The ability you have to hang in there with yourself with spirit with all of us on this blog is so very deep and soulful Thank you a million times!❤️
    What keeps coming to me in reading your post about breaking up….something I imagine you have wondered about..,,was all the intimacy and declarations of love and choosing each other…,,, did it scare the pants off each other ( so to speak ). And force like a muscle to contract however it could? With differences? Maybe that is a simplistic analysis and totally not it. I know political and religious differences would be hard for me to navigate but it s just the timing of it. So soon after such openness ….
    Want you to know I feel you and resonate with what you have said. The work of it all. Yet their is something so strong in you that drives one forward. The healing of self. The desire to heal with and alongside a beloved companion. I wish you so much love and joy and excitement!



  28.  #28Lovetodance on August 15, 2016 at 8:01 am

    I wonder what happened to my post from yesterday that went into moderation! Feeling sad it’s lost in cyberspace? Moderator?



  29.  #29JaimeLove on August 15, 2016 at 12:26 pm

    Hi beautiful Sirens,

    Thanks for the welcome Azure B, you are a lovely siren. lovetodance, you sound familiar, I believe because I used to Salsa back home in Toronto, you well…love to dance lol
    Anyway, I have something in common with you and I’m guessing other ladies, I’m too online dating. I’m Circular dating as much as possible from the mailman, to the men that live in the village, to the cute Barista, to the cute guy next to me in the coffee shop, to my taxi driver, well….you get the point.
    I had one dud that almost ruined my night, we were supposed to meet for our first date, but he called me with some weird excuse that he was running late, and my intuition was telling me not to meet him, and so I told him it didn’t feel right, and he hung up on me, which was good because it proved my intuition right. Anyhow, it made me feel really gross. The other guy asked me out for the second date right after I commented here and the date was to be tonight, but then he called an hour before saying he was stuck at work and could we meet at 10 instead of 730, I did not like it, and I said no, sorry it’s too late for me. He then asked if we could meet on Wednesday, and I said oh nooo, I wish I could but I already have plans. He then said, “Could you find it in your heart to forgive me” But, I just don’t feel like giving this guy another chance. For the second date, he really should have been making more effort.
    Sigh… I just wish I was into this dating thing…but truly, my heart isn’t into it. What do you all suggest I do? I feel like perhaps it’s the afraid me, the afraid woman that doesn’t want to get too close to someone because, every time she falls in love, the man somehow finds a way to break my heart, and so it’s safer to keep a distance, but lets face it, that’s never a healthy way to look, so I don’t know how to open myself to be that vulnerable woman who just lets it happen…

    I am divorced and I have two kids from my ex husband, but 3 years after the divorce I was in a relationship that wasn’t too serious but very lovely, I felt myself and he was an amazing Lover, and we always laughed and joked, there was never fighting. I got pregnant 8 months into the relationship. When I told him, he said he didn’t want another baby, I actually didn’t expect him to be an active father, so I wasn’t that disappointed. I was hurt though that at first after I told him he said, lets see eachother and talk it over, and then he cancelled saying goodbye basically without any chance of talking it over. I wrote him off right then and there. However after a week he came back wanting to talk to me. I was terrified it was him trying to talk me into an abortion, I refused to see him or talk to him. He said, when will you not be busy, I cheekily said Never. Then I moved to a different country, where I still live 2 years later, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy that looks just like his papa. He wrote me a few times after I came to the different country and was very pregnant, he thought I was still in the country, but he was wrong. I told him, again that I am not in the country, and I didn’t know what he expected and that we had a no nonsense relationship and I liked it that way, and that I was in a bit of trouble here and I had enough on my plate. We didn’t talk again, but then I got into very deep trouble from my family,, and I thought he had a right to know what has happened to me and his baby inside me. But no word. I looked at him as if he wasn’t a real man, and decided to completely forget him. Then after the birth of our son, I just couldn’t stop thinking about how he had to see him, how important it was for him to know his papa and that it wasn’t fair to him, my baby. So I contacted him again, or so I tried, I sent photos, he wouldn’t be able to doubt that this was his son, they looked so alike, in case that he thought all this time that maybe it wasn’t his baby. But nothing, no response. It’s been a year

    So, I am carrying a lot of pain around…afraid to trust anyone, afraid to believe that men are going to be good enough for me, and afraid that I’m not going to pick well, again since my ex and my babies father was so bad to and for me.



  30.  #30Azure Blu on August 15, 2016 at 1:01 pm

    Jaimelove….
    Ohhh… lovely Siren… hugs and warm, loving vibrations
    you sound sad and I certainly understand your bruised and battered heart…

    I too put up large barriers… maintain my walls and add bricks and mortar
    daily…
    BUT Rori’s tools – as i read, re-read, listen to the CDs I have purchased over the years
    and get coaching from some of her AMAZING coaches she has taught…
    Slowly… baby steps… I am letting down may walls – one brick down – two bricks up :-))

    BUT – one tool I use daily and it works so well for me… is to try and be very specific
    about calling my feeling at the moment by name… and then sitting that feeling next to me
    and LOVING that feeling because it is a part of me – a WONDERFUL part of me!!!

    Here is something April Rose shared last year after listening to a webinar Rori gave:

    ““Feel anger and rage as just energy.
    And instead of shutting down, open up.
    We’re habitually forgetting to feel.”

    “Fall in love with the voices inside you that are screaming at you.”
    “Oh, I just judged myself. What a swet voice inside me that’s trying to protect me.”

    “Fall in love with the thing you do, and with the voice that judges it as wrong or bad.”

    “Fall in love with the people around you who are not supporting you.”

    “Fall in love with the tight shoulders, with the tense belly, with the feelings.”

    “When we sink down into ourself, things are drawn to us.”

    “Honour and love your pain.”

    “When I read in your post that you were feeling angry, it made me feel delighted.
    To me, your anger is a sign of your power returning.”
    “Rori doesn’t advise masking it, or ‘trying to love yourself out of it’.”

    In the webinar, she said “Feel the energy, the anger, the feelings. You don’t need to do anything with them, just let them build.”
    and LOVE them – the MORE we Love ourselves – and accept each and every innocent part of us… the more loving men we will attract!”



  31.  #31Azure Blu on August 15, 2016 at 1:08 pm

    Lovetodance #26
    Ohhh… my heart is swollen with good feelings from your loving words.
    Thank you… I feel the same is true with you…
    you carefully peeling the layers of fear, protection and guarding your walls
    against too much intimacy…

    You are right… Spirit and I do a wonderful dance of closeness and giving
    each other space to recover from heart expanding intimacy…
    Nit picking is so GOOD at keeping the walls up – thick and rough…
    I do feel so much less prickly than ever before…
    This is perhaps the most emotional intimate I have ever been to a man
    in my 64 years.
    Ahhhhh… I will celebrate the wonder and feel Spirits love coming toward me
    All Day!! I am very grateful and my heart is swelling and over flowing with
    alll that juicy, sparkley LOVE!!!



  32.  #32Indigo on August 16, 2016 at 4:44 am

    Jaimelove,

    I’m not sure that there really is a way to safeguard against the pain of opening yourself up and it possibly not working out, since most guys that you go out with are not going to end up being your forever guy. Maybe it helps instead of thinking of these men as not being good enough for you, to realise instead that they were not a good fit. In the world of dating we are literally swimming in a sea of possibility, and it definitely helps to think of it this way, rather than putting the pressure on each new guy that you meet that he might be “the one”. Try to take a step back and think of it as getting to know someone, and take it at a slower pace. No need to either close yourself off or give your heart away until you are ready.



  33.  #33Indigo on August 16, 2016 at 4:54 am

    I just wanted to offer an update on myself. I have been living with J for just over a month now and things are going really well. He’s a really wonderful man and although it’s been scary for me to be this close and intimate and committed with someone for the first time in a long time, I think we fall deeper in love with each other every single day. It’s been 5 months but it feels like a lot longer. We come home from work every day saying, and genuinely feeling. that we’ve missed each other all day. We still navigate the same things as other couples, but he has so much respect and gentleness for me. He is abundantly loving and affectionate with me every day. He is totally real with me and the communication we have blows me away.

    Recently he has started talking about marriage and kids regularly, indirectly. Like he says “When we’re married…” and we’ve both said we believe our first child will be a daughter. It’s funny I’ve never wanted children before now, but I realise that’s because I’ve never been with someone before now whom I’ve wanted to have children with. With J I feel excited by that possibility. He makes me feel so safe. I’ve never doubted his commitment for one second.



  34.  #34Victoria on August 16, 2016 at 5:39 am

    Indigo,
    I am so happy for you!
    I am also living with R now, have been for several months actually, things between us are good and sort of uneventful. Sometimes I miss the drama and agony, haha, may be not the agony but you know what I mean. I have also never doubted R.’s commitment. Now how strange is that. I do not have to wonder what I have to do to make him like me/love me/give me more. Now how strange is that. I think I had some severe reservations against him at first, because my relationship with him was so very different from everything I knew before. He makes my life so peaceful, and I really love him.



  35.  #35Azure Blu on August 16, 2016 at 12:52 pm

    Indigo #33
    ARe you kidding???!!! :-)) Wow!!
    how wonderful and marvelous to read about this peaceful constant exciting love that you have found!!! children and marriage… Ahhh… lovely, gentle Siren
    You so deserve all of this!!!
    Congratulations
    And thank you for sharing with us – something so profound
    and how the Rori and Dominque tools DO WORK!!!
    oxoxoxo



  36.  #36Azure Blu on August 16, 2016 at 12:55 pm

    ((((Victoria))))
    WOW to you also!! How wonderful to hear how much in love you are
    and that you are living with R!!!
    Congratulations
    and thank you for sharing how love can look and
    it can be so EASY… and Peaceful…

    You and Indigo are giving hope for me also!! :-))



  37.  #37lovetodance on August 16, 2016 at 11:15 pm

    Victoria and Indigo…..Remembering your voices from long ago when I was on this blog and want to say hurray and happiness to you both.!…Thank you for sharing your experience now and thank you for the past sharing….So wonderful to hear of your happiness and where you both are! .I hope you keep sharing ….as you flow down and up this river of relating!



  38.  #38lovetodance on August 16, 2016 at 11:28 pm

    Jaimelove,
    I really liked what Indigo said about just getting to know someone and being as present as possible in the moment…[.I added that last part]
    this is resonating with me since I have my first official date this time around after not online dating for almost two years….
    just making the date i started deciding i didn’t like him…finding all kinds of reasons…..lots of voices speaking loudly….
    and maybe some of the reasons very valid and he may not be a right fit….but now i say ….you arent marrying him…you are just having lunch for goodness sakes! you owe him nothing except presence …..and what i owe myself is to enjoy myself! phew so easy for me to get so serious about this…and really what i would like and am training myself to be ….is lighthearted and enjoy the process!
    i can imagine that having the hurt from your last two intimate relationships….having made the big move you did….having a new born and your other two…..thats alot on your plate….giving yourself alot of loving support and taking it slow seems so necessary now in my opinion….Rory, her coaches, her material has helped me and many others begin and strengthen our ability to truely deeply fall in loves with ourselves first…..thats the bestest and hardest one to convince lol….



  39.  #39lovetodance on August 16, 2016 at 11:30 pm

    Azure…
    wow! the most intimate relationship in your 64 beautiful years…..that is so lovely! its never to late to fall in love with oneself and the frosting on the cake….someone else! beautiful siren!



  40.  #40Indigo on August 19, 2016 at 2:07 am

    Victoria & Azure Blu,

    Thank you so much 🙂

    Victoria, I hear what you are saying about a part of you missing the drama. If we are honest, it does bring a certain excitement into our lives. I think I am just at a point in my life though where I have been hurt so many times that I don’t miss it at all. Just having someone whose love I can relax in feels wonderful.



  41.  #41Indigo on August 19, 2016 at 2:11 am

    Azure Blu,

    I would say particularly Dominique has been a wonderful support to me in all of this and along my journey. She has become a dear friend, and I heartily recommend coaching with her to anyone who feels hopeless in their love lives and dreams of having the love life of their dreams. Dominique helped me a great deal when I was dealing with almost crippling anxiety brought on by my relationship with D, and I have managed to heal from my anxiety massively to the point where it rarely features in my life any more, without the use of any kind of medication or other therapy.



  42.  #42Hana on August 26, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    Hi sirens! Thank you for your time and kind and helpful comments.
    I’ve been busy with writing and family life, and I’m doing some research for myself. I came across sex transmutation and I am wondering if anyone knows anything about it if there are any affordable programs out there that can help me with this? There is a lot of examples for men but not for women.

    Rori it also has to do with using our feminine and balance between our masculine and feminine energy. I feel like this will help me tremendously in terms of my relationships. Thank you.



  43.  #43Jaime love on August 26, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    I’m Jaime love but I wrote Hana! Just in case I confused any one. Love to dance you are awesome and courageous, indigo you seem so brave and wise and Content it is so inspiring for me to read your comments, to see women working on reaching their best selves for our own sake and for our relationships. Beautiful