Affirmations I Once Told Myself – Just Before I Met My Husband

Untitled design (14)

I just came across a set of affirmations and notes I’d written on index cards (going back more years than I want to imagine) – from classes and workshops I did just before I met my husband.

So I wrote them here for you – let me know if anything feels helpful to you (feel free to copy and paste anything you like into your own computer, change my name to yours, and paste them on your mirror):


I am enough

I do enough

I have enough

Everything I need in all areas of my life is coming to me at exactly the right time.

I am an unlimited magnificent being!



I, Rori, trust myself completely now

I, Rori, am willing to forgive my mother now

I, Rori, always make the right choice. My timing is perfect.


It’s safe for me, Rori, to be here

I made the right choice

My body is safe no matter how I feel

I, Rori, can have what I want. I deserve to have what I want

I, Rori, deserve to be happy and loved

It’s safe for me, Rori to have what I want.



Rori, I forgive you completely

Rori, I set you free


I, Rori, trust and love myself completely now


I, Rori, am willing to surrender to What Is and know Love is there

Surrender is not giving up.

Surrender is letting go of the thought that I can control this situation.


It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied.

It’s safe to be all that I am

Rori, There’s plenty of time for you to be, do and have everything you’ve ever wanted

I forgive myself now for even thinking I’ve ever done anything wrong.

****I am willing to receive a man who really loves me – 8-29-84

I, Rori am willing to receive all of the love coming to me now.

I, Rori, am willing to know what I want…

…to ask for what I want

…to receive what I ask for now…


I, Rori, am fully equipped to release any condition that is no longer appropriate in my life…it is safe for me to do this now


Hope you like some of these…Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1rose on July 30, 2012 at 6:37 am

    thanks. this is helpful.

  2.  #2Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 6:44 am

    I feel moved.

  3.  #3Smile on July 30, 2012 at 6:54 am

    Thank you Rori, I feel hopeful, I will use these affirmations to attract the best for myself.

  4.  #4Smile on July 30, 2012 at 7:03 am

    Rori, it’s making me smile to believe I’m genuinely believing these things I am telling myself more. when I first came here I had to totally ‘fake’ these beliefs. I’m getting there…! Thank you 

  5.  #5Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 7:20 am

    Mm.. Very appropriate..

  6.  #6Smile on July 30, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Eek… I’m getting excited, I think I’m nearly ready to start dating now… not quite but certainly feeling more ready 

  7.  #7Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 7:38 am

    Smile, Ella

    Thank you for your comments in the last post, about positive thinking. It’s definately a problem for me. I feel I am too much of a
    perfectionist and if I screw up I get really, really angry with myself. Sometimes its like I don’t see the wood for the trees or something?!

    I am supposed to be a graphic designer but sometimes, and actually quite often, I make mamouthly wrong judgements about thing and completely mess up. When I realise I feel hugely embarrased, ashamed and ANGRY with myself. Like, ‘D’oh! What was I thinking?!’

    It’s like a viscious circle and I go on and on like that. Then I feel down and depressed and O’s usually do something to counteract the feeling, like have some nice food or watch a film that will cheer me up. Its a never ending cycle for me..

    Often, afterwards I see very clearly where I went wrong and feel very stupid, like I was lazy or something. My problem is lacking organisation skills and planning things out with plenty of time. I often rush things and then I mess up and get stressed. Yet I know this and still I don’t change.. Boy, I find it hard to relax.

    The truth is I don’t even know where all this comes from or how it started. I think its my job and being a creative person. Hmmm…? The problem is I have no idea what to change here..?

  8.  #8Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 7:45 am

    … Also, regarding my neighbour, I realise now how little he was interested in me, how he only liked to talk about himself and barely asked me any questions about myself.

    Also, he did this thing of pouring out all his problems to me like I was his agony aunt or therapist…

    I realise now he was just getting some sort of emotional crutch from me and this makesme feel sad 🙁

  9.  #9Smile on July 30, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Rebecca, It feels to me you might want to explore what Rori has written on self esteem? What do you think?

  10.  #10Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 7:54 am

    I’ve felt confident like that but sometimes I lose it.

    It’s like it can’t just stay.

  11.  #11Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 7:54 am

    My motivation comes and leaves. I don’t know how to hold it.

  12.  #12Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 7:57 am

    Daring Act of Love: Start Your Day by Taking Care of Your Needs
    Upon waking, open your eyes and then close your eyes immediately. Put one hand on your belly and one on your heart. Take three deep breaths and ask yourself this question: “What do I need in order to take care of me today?” Listen for your best friend’s answer (that is the voice of your Inner Wisdom). She will tell you. Whatever she says, make sure you get it. Make a commitment every morning to give yourself what your Inner Wisdom says you need. This may be a actual thing, an action to take, or who knows! Do this ritual for seven days and notice the impact. Become aware of which of your unconscious anti-self-care beliefs get revealed and which of your habitual patterns get pushed out of their comfort zone. Challenge yourself to go beyond comfort into radical self-care!

    For extra support, keep a journal close to your bed and write down what your Inner Wisdom says and the commitment you make – on behalf of yourself as your own b.f.f – each morning. Use it as a big permission slip that says, “You can <> today.” Rip the page out of the journal and take it with you as you go about your day. When the time comes to take action, read the permission slip to yourself and take the radical act of believing you are worth spending your time on.

    The excerpt above was taken from the book “Madly in Love with ME: The Daring Adventure to Becoming Your Own Best Friend” written by Christine Arylo and published November 2012 by New World Library.

    To receive the free Self-Love Kit including a hand-illustrated e-book and powerful self-love teachings, including on radical self-care, from Christine Arylo, go to

  13.  #13Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 7:59 am

    And yes,

    I need to surrender. Because I can’t control this anymore. I can’t spend the most beautiful part of my life going over the same stuff, getting nowhere.

    I do want to stop completely.

    Sometimes I just can’t.

    But I want to

    I do want to.

    I want to so much.

  14.  #14Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 8:07 am

    How to discuss where the relationship is going

    First of all, you should. You absolutely should talk about where the relationship is going. People often joke that men always bolt when women try to have a talk about commitment. However, this isn’t true. The truth is that most men who are emotionally mature enough to be worth your time will be glad to share expectations and hopes about the relationship.

    You will get a quality guy when you help men to self-select (or unselect themselves). You can do this by courageously pursuing interactions that work well with quality men. In other words, if you demand quality from a guy, he will either rise to the challenge (what quality men do) or act like you are demanding something unreasonable (what emotionally immature men do). Yes, you will likely end up sifting through more potential partners this way, but in the end you will have wasted far less time (because you avoid long relationships that are going nowhere).

    For now, allow me to offer you two pieces of advice that can be quite useful if you’re going to attempt “the talk” with a guy you’ve been seeing.

    1.Approach the discussion while in a positive mood state. Talk about what you do want rather than what you don’t want.
    2.Don’t expect him to be on the same page with you. Don’t let yourself get caught off guard by this. The simple fact is, men have a different timeline in their mind when it comes to relationships and commitment. At the point when you are thinking some sort of unspoken relationship has formed, he would be surprised to learn that you think of the interactions as “a relationship.”

    Negativity and mismatched mental timelines for relationships often combine in a negative way. In other words, the difference between your assumptions about the stage of the relationship and his assumptions about the relationship can create arguments (negativity). This creates a negative experience for men.

    They walk away from the relationship because emotionally it creates a negative experience. Men end up feeling blamed or disrespected for reasons they don’t understand. This can sometimes destroy a relationship before it even had a chance to get going.

    So if you’re ready to talk about where things are going, let all expectations go and approach the discussion as nothing more than a short, considerate explanation of a few things you are hoping to find in a good relationship.

    Watch for my next email on the concept of “propinquity” and how you can manipulate propinquity in your favor.

    James Bauer

    P.S. – Visit for more information on the importance of “clearly stating expec tations .”

  15.  #15Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 8:17 am


    I have explored what Rori says on self esteem a lot. For some reason I am really struggling.. Hmmm…. Maybe I’ll have another look through…

  16.  #16Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Also, I have a real big issue around the subject of self esteem. There seems to be soooo many articles and so much to take in, and it seems to be going right over my head..

    I’m just not remembering anything, or being able to put anything into practise.

    As far as I can summaise low esteem is worrying, thinking you’re not good enough, putting too much emphasis on what others think, being hard on yourself, beating yourseld up if you get something wrong, feeling like a loser if someone doesn’t pick you, compating yourself to others in a unfavourable light.

    High self esteem is thinking you are always right, trusting your own judgement, thinking you are always good enough, not comparing yourself to others, not taking yourself too seriously, being kind to yourself if you mess up, not beating yourself up if you mess up.

    Hmmm… I’m sure there are more here? It is food for thought for me…

  17.  #17Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Hmmm… I realise my mum was very critical of me whilst growing up, and she was always ‘correcting’ my grammar and my spelling in a very condescending way. She would alwys smile at me in a smug, conceited way if I made a mistake. She would say ‘don’t you mean ……? It’s not …..’ and then she would laugh!! I would think cheers! Thanks for pointing out my ‘mistakes’ all the time. I’m sure she would hit the roof if I did it to her. Actually no, she would just totally ignore me, like it hadn’t happened… Hmmm…??

  18.  #18Calypso on July 30, 2012 at 8:31 am

    “I can have what I want. I deserve to have what I want” I actually felt something inside of my body kick when I read those words . . .

    I rarely ever buy myself anything and I feel guilty when I do. My mother has always acted like I did something wrong when she sees me wearing new clothes – she askes in a terrible tone, “Well! Did you buy yourself a new shirt? Is that a new purse?” , etc. Even now, when she sufferes from Alzhiemers, she stioll notices if I wear something new and I end up feeling guilty – it’s crazy.

    I hide new things from my sons at home too – i would never just walk in the house with a big bag of something new for myself. If they are home, I leave it in the car. What a NUT!

    So, I finally broke down and bought myself a new car – it is red and shiney and wonderful and it’s all mine and everyone gives me a hard time about buying it and I don’t care, except that I’m back in court with my ex-husband trying to stop paying him alimony and his attorney is making a huge deal of me buying myself a new car! AUGH! I work hard and I deserve to have nice things!!!

  19.  #19Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 8:42 am

    I can’t let go of the thought that he will come back to me and acknowledge all of the things he’s done wrong.

    Nobody can be so emotionless. I just can’t think anybody can go through life like that.

  20.  #20Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Even if he doesn’t tell me anything, he’s going to have a time with himself.

  21.  #21Starla on July 30, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I am feeling a lot of yucky ashamed feelings today

    it feels rough.

  22.  #22Smile on July 30, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Rebecca, if it would be helpful, I could make you more aware of why I suggested researching self esteem from what you wrote but I don’t to appear to criticise you, as this is the opposite of what I want to do for you.

  23.  #23Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 8:53 am

    But then I have to learn to be happy with what I have. Zero expectations.

    I am an awesome lady.

  24.  #24Starla on July 30, 2012 at 8:54 am

    i felt yucky ever since my date last night. what happened was the wind kinda blew my skirt up when i was walking home from it, and he was driving by, and he totally like yelled from the window “i see you’re trying to flash me!” and it was kind of pervy made me feel icky (but mostly innocent, i’m sure), so I texted him, “omg marilyn monroe moment, yikes!” and he texted back “i had a lot of fun, thanks for the free flash” and i just have felt awful ever since.

    He also texted that he wanted to kiss me but he didn’t want to scare me off.

    I’m glad he didn’t kiss me. the timing would have been awful.

    Then this morning, a new guy joined me in my training session at the gym since it’s technically a class, but i am usually alone with my trainer. and we usually do handstands, which are very advanced. So the class was ending and I asked if we were going to do handstands, and the trainer said i could do them while the other guy stretches, or the other guy could join us if he likes. And it was his first class ever! And he decided to join us! But he fell on his head:( And I feel so guilty for putting everyone on the spot and that guy hurting himself trying to keep up with me and I feel yucky and awful and ashamed of myself all over.

  25.  #25Starla on July 30, 2012 at 8:57 am

    i actually texted my trainer a few minutes ago that i would do handstands at home from now on, and that i hope i didn’t scare that guy off.

    my trainer really wants new clients!

    ohhh i feel like a bad, yucky person.

  26.  #26Starla on July 30, 2012 at 9:00 am

    when my date said “thanks for the free flash,” I texted back “you’re not welcome. the wind hates me.”

  27.  #27Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 9:05 am


    Please feel free to say what you like! I don’t feel like I need to be protected from critcism, in fact the contrary, criticism can really help you grow! I feel intrigued to hear what you were going to write… Hmmm… I feel excited..

  28.  #28Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 9:10 am

    I realise my mum used to be quite critical of me. I remember one time she compared me to a friend of mine, saying why wasn’t I like her as she was so light and dainty and I was like a little elephant in comparison. I guess I’ve always felt ungainly and clumsy in her eyes. She was constantly criticising me for my socks falling down and my hair being scruffy. In fact she had my hair cut really short when I was very young because she frlt it was unmanageable. Hmmm… I remember that..

  29.  #29Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Yikes… I realise I am spamming the blog. I feel uncomfortable now…

  30.  #30ruth on July 30, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Afternoon ladies
    Lots to read back

    Radlove, WOW! Whata speech.What strength

    Starla, focus on the nice dates you had and how much they liked you

    I am liking the affirmations

  31.  #31Smile on July 30, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Rebecca, I was wary as you referred to being critised in your posts about your mum and so the timing might not have been right for you to receive what I felt from your post.

    It felt like you were trying to put yourself down, here is what stood out for me- “if I screw up I get really, really angry with myself. Sometimes its like I don’t see the wood for the trees or something?!”

    “I make mamouthly wrong judgements about thing and completely mess up. When I realise I feel hugely embarrased, ashamed and ANGRY with myself. Like, ‘D’oh! ”
    What was I thinking?!’”

    As far as I can summaise low esteem is worrying, thinking you’re not good enough, putting too much emphasis on what others think, being hard on yourself, beating yourseld up if you get something wrong, feeling like a loser if someone doesn’t pick you, compating yourself to others in a unfavourable light.

    This is what I felt you were doing to yourself.

    I wonder if you could flip your thinking? Other sirens seem to be good at doing this when I jace asked for help to flip my thoughts in the past especially feminine woman. It’s something I have been working on too.

  32.  #32ruth on July 30, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Hi Rebecca

    No, you arent
    thats the low self estem talking

    You have just as much right to speak here as anyone else

  33.  #33bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 9:19 am

    i’m feeling loved… i went off for the day on friday & i went on a boat with my parents, my brother, & his wife. 2 times little girls saw me & waved to me : ))) i was wearing dress-up stuff : ) floaty pants & a long top that looks like fairies made it & a bright green sweater….. & i was smiling so hard & all the little girls were just………. the fairies in my entourage lol : ) i notice that my vibe resonates really strongly with children when i’m feeling strong & i know that is a sign for me ….. i love the women! a woman smiled at me today as i was leaving the coffee shop & said, “have a good day : )” & i felt so supported. by strangers! just imagine how good i could feel if i was fully open to the love from my family & partner… yummy!

  34.  #34Smile on July 30, 2012 at 9:19 am

    *jace= have, oops typo

  35.  #35Smile on July 30, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Rebecca, re 29 try telling yourself a different story. You are worthy to write as much as any other siren, you are on here posting more because your learning each time you do, which feels great.

  36.  #36Starla on July 30, 2012 at 9:28 am

    i seriously feel a migraine coming on
    i wonder if my intuition is making me sick over this date?

    it’s funny, the psychic i saw told me i would meet a guy fitting a certain fairly specific description, and he would be it for me. and this guy really fits it to a T, so I thought I would feel like “hey I found you!!” But he’s not it. I don’t feel well.

  37.  #37Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 9:29 am

    I feel hesitant to post this, but I was unable to follow thru with no contact with R. It was eating at me all day yesterday and by the end of the day, I arranged to meet him while i was still in his town (an hour away).

    I told him I can’t follow through with it and asked if I could take it back. I started crying and said I live in fear of losing his friendship and I have felt confused, distraught, and scared for 3.5 years and I feel tired of feeling that way.

    I said you asked me how you could make me feel good, and if I am doing something that bothers you, please just tell me, please don’t let me figure it out on my own. For 3.5 years, I’ve felt like I am walking thru a maze in the dark, and I keep bumping into walls, and trying to figure out what is bothering you.

    I told him that I have worked really hard on being positive when I talk with him, so I haven’t really told him that for 3.5 years, I have felt so distraught and preoccupied that it has affected my jobs, and that I can barely concentrate sometimes.

    Among other things, he responded that I should just go with the flow, to stop overthinking everything. He said when he came over Saturday night, he was feeling really good up until I started telling him I don’t want to see him anymore.

    I went from crying to laughing at myself for overthinking everything. He said just be light and carefree, and be myself. He said it’s expected that you will make mistakes along the way as I learn emotional intelligence, and that is part of the learning process. He gave me a sweet hug and then left.

    I feel so much better!

  38.  #38Starla on July 30, 2012 at 9:29 am

    a lot of us feel weird/exposed/annoying when we’re spamming.
    it’s just human nature hehe.

  39.  #39ruth on July 30, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I dont know it it helps, but my therapist came up with quite a good idea to silence the negative self critical voices.

    Along the lines of-its just like changing a record(ok, CD or I tunes playlist for the younger ones here)
    Why would you listen to a band you hate?
    You have the choice to pick a band you like to listen to

    Its the same with those critical voices

    You dont have to listen to them

    Change the record for something nice

  40.  #40bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 9:36 am


    one time i dated someone who i just felt sure was “doing everything wrong” & who needed to “be put in his place”…. i kid you not, one sober sunday afternoon i called that guy up & was like, “listen, dude, i’ve totally cut ties & forgiven you – but i really want you to be clear that, as a human woman, i believe that you Lied & Acted Poorly, as you acted out of alignment with any reasonable “Normal” “moral” behavioral expectations”

    i was so clear, right ?? yeah, he was just like “sorry you feel that way. later.” lol ! & then i had a dream where he & i were “cleaning up after a big party” (not-so-subtle symbolism) & he was saying to me, “yeah, i’ve been asking other women i know if you’ll ever get over it & they all say yes, you’ll be fine” LOL i think most women have at least 1 guy that for whatever reason, they try to squeeze “right-ness” out of, when all signs point to Wrong : )

    the end of the dream was me asking him for help, over & over again, but eventually i just had to finish cleaning up by myself : )

  41.  #41bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 9:40 am

    wow ruth : ) i love the idea of changing the station/record… rori has said “change the channel” from your “misery” – but the less-technological image resonates more strongly with me : )

  42.  #42Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Oops, I posted on the wrong thread:

    I’m having a text conversation with a new CD. I have felt turned off time and time again in our conversation, and I think I’m just going to end it.

    I have only continued it for practice, as Rori suggests. But I think he has reached the end of the line with me:

    CD: What are your fav places to eat?

    B: I responded

    CD: He responded to his question

    B: Yum!

    CD: Maybe you can treat me to one of them sexy. LOLOL

    B: I’m old fashioned, and I don’t care what we do, it just feels good when I’m on a date and the man pays for me. It makes me feel desirable. I don’t want to go on dates where I have to pay. What do you think?

    CD: Only joking

    B: I see.

    CD: You want a man also pay for you every time you go out

    B: I feel uncomfortable and very masculine paying for things. I want to feel like a girl. I feel happy just walking and eating from taco stands and making food together. How do you like to handle money while we’re dating?

    CD: Either I pay or I pay one time girl. Pay one time or make food together.

    How would you respond?

  43.  #43Starla on July 30, 2012 at 9:48 am

    i like to put on the record “love to me love to me forgiveness to me”
    it’s a nice song:) my favorite, really.

  44.  #44siren song on July 30, 2012 at 9:55 am

    i love this, rori!

  45.  #45ruth on July 30, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Radlove, I dunno

    I have always gone halves or paid for stuff, and i do have a problem with this part of it

  46.  #46bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 9:57 am

    i also was thinking why i feel so sad at work. it’s because it feels “ugly” to me – not comfortable, not free, not open, not warm, not soft……. so i decided to go for a drive & find the place where i want to go to work every day : ) my daddy is going to take the morning from work on the day i said to go with me to explore : )))))))))))) HAPPY BABYYYYYYY YAY LK : )

  47.  #47Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Radlove if you have not met him yet you owe no explanation. I would just let it hang.

  48.  #48Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 10:01 am

    I feel burned out on texting

  49.  #49Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Ruth and FW,

    Thanks for your feedback.

    CD: Hello

    CD: Still want to talk

  50.  #50Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 10:08 am

    FW, I considered letting it hang, but here is what I finally decided to say:

    B: Here’s the thing. I got about 100 responses to my post. I have felt turned off several times. I’m sorry, I just don’t want to pursue this.

  51.  #51Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Rori, that was beautiful. I feel sadness and connectivity and I feel pain and beauty inside me reading it.

    I feel so overwhelmed. Months ago, I told Jack CD everything I was feeling. I mean I wrote it all down and I gave it to him.

    I felt so relieved after I did it. I tried to explain to him how I am…how I know my behavior is hot and cold and confusing.

    and it helped me to let go and lean back and stop obsessing. and I focused on other things, really worked on MY life, and my relationship with God, and felt free and happy, happier than I’d felt all year.

    I told him how much I appreciated his patience with me and how much I respected him and I told him how nervous and confused I felt but how good I felt and how scared I felt too.

    When I saw him again, I could tell he felt really flattered and validated. He thanked me for the note, but it was like he wasn’t taking my feelings seriously or something. Like, he just talked about the aesthetics of the letter and didn’t say anything about the emotional content.

    and I felt really vulnerable and exposed and scared and shaky around him after I did that.

    because he didn’t attempt to contact me after that.
    and I thought that it meant that he didn’t care about me, not even as a friend.

    so I forgot about him.

    I leaned so far back, if he was the east, then I became the west.

    I avoided him.
    I stopped thinking about him.
    I really thought I had forgotten about him.

    months past, and I had given up completely. and all of the sudden, it’s like, he wants my attention again.

    He looks into my eyes and he comes and sits down next to me (I told him multiple times that I felt so good when he sat close to me) and tries to talk to me and instead of opening my heart and telling him it made me feel (COMPLETELY confused, scared, angry, sad) I just froze him out.

    He was like, really gentle with me, and I didn’t know how to take it.

    and I fell back into old patterns. I completely freaked out and froze. and it was like I couldn’t respond to him at all.

    and I feel like he could feel me freezing and shutting him out, so he moved seats.

    and I felt like I made him feel bad, like he couldn’t do anything right or something. (ironic, since I feel like I’m the one who can’t do anything right.)

    but I just didn’t know how to take it or how to handle my emotions after not seeing him for so long.

    which I know guys don’t like when you can’t handle your emotions. don’t they see it as immature or something?

    I couldn’t NOT feel something for him even if I tried.

    I feel stuck, in limbo. and I feel nervous and embarassed around him now. and I feel like I want to apologize, but then there’s this other part of me that’s like “WHY? YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!”

    and other guys have been coming around now, and the emotions I feel the most are intense anxiety and fear and it makes me feel sad and hopeless. 🙁

    and no requests for dates. I feel undateable.

    I keep reading “the woman has to move first.” I thought the man had to move first, while the woman had to lean back, respond, and feel?

    I guess I’m not responding, by not smiling, and by shutting down my heart instead of opening it.

    It feels so difficult and un-natural to open my heart and let men in.

    i don’t want to let just anyone in! It feels disrespectful to the ONE who I want to end up with, whoever he is!

    I feel sad and so confused and embarassed and scared…

  52.  #52Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Smile, Ruth

    Thank you! Your words are really helpful

    I think I am feeling very triggered today because I’m in the midst of job hunting and I’m finding it very, very stressful.

    I work in a highly competitive media industry where you have to be seen to walk the walk and talk the talk, and it is just NOT me, as I am such a down-to-earth person and find it difficult to take things sooo seriously. It’s such a dog eat dog world and I would love to get out of it and retrain but I just don’t have it in me as it is all that I know. Everyday feels like a battle. I feel like I jusr don’t FIT in and that nothing I say is VALID. I work in a very corporate industry that is also highly masculine where everyone has one up the other and I hate it. I feel so stressed by it. It is so highly competitive… Arggghhh… I just can’t seem to get my head around it… I never feelgood enough… I realise I need to process this… I always feel like I am being judged badly… Pheeewww…. Breath…. Relax…. Don’t be so hard on yourself… It just all feels so uphill and overwelming… And like I’m asmall child in a adult world… Pffffffttt

  53.  #53Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Smile, Ruth

    Thank you! Your words are really helpful

    I think I am feeling very triggered today because I’m in the midst of job hunting and I’m finding it very, very stressful.

    I work in a highly competitive media industry where you have to be seen to walk the walk and talk the talk, and it is just NOT me, as I am such a down-to-earth person and find it difficult to take things sooo seriously. It’s such a dog eat dog world and I would love to get out of it and retrain but I just don’t have it in me as it is all that I know. Everyday feels like a battle. I feel like I jusr don’t FIT in and that nothing I say is VALID. I work in a very corporate industry that is also highly masculine where everyone has one up the other and I hate it. I feel so stressed by it. It is so highly competitive… Arggghhh… I just can’t seem to get my head around it… I never feelgood enough… I realise I need to process this… I always feel like I am being judged badly… Pheeewww…. Breath…. Relax…. Don’t be so hard on yourself… It just all feels so uphill and overwelming… And like I’m asmall child in a adult world… Pffffffttt

  54.  #54Starla on July 30, 2012 at 10:12 am

    he was saying either he pays all the time, or you guys take turns, or he pays and and sometimes you guys make food together.

  55.  #55ruth on July 30, 2012 at 10:26 am


    I would, if i were you, seriously look at retraining to at least do something that you are comfortable with

    Its *always* possible, even if you have to do the job you hate for a while to fund the training

    We spend so much time at work, and if its THAT draining and destroying then you need to get out dont you

    You are worth it
    You can do it

  56.  #56Tam on July 30, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Hm, you know the paying thing is a trigger for me too. I mean, here men don’t necessarily pay for things and bills normally are shared unless you are married..or have been together a long time.
    I believe the UK is similar though even there men tend to pay more for things than in Germany.
    I never minded splitting bills, in fact it made me feel less like ‘I owe them’ made me feel free.
    I have come to change my mind about it a little bit, because I actually like a man pay for me, it does make me feel great (and still a little uncomfy).

    You know, Ladies, it depends on the man too. When they make a big deal of it, like ‘ oh, I forgot my card’ and I end up paying (this has really happened), or when they say that ‘next time you can pay, haha’…I feel bad. That makes me feel bad now.
    I have found a good guy, a giver, simply won’t dwell on it and therefore it feels right. I found it best when men already see me pulling out my wallet and say ‘oh no, don’t you worry girl’ – that feels great!
    Or when they just jump ahead and don’t even give me the chance to pay for anything – that feels good.
    And my last two guys were expert…I mean, my ex bf was so cool about it and could read my mind and it never felt awkward and he paid for everything. Absolutely everything.
    And MrU is the same, he never made me feel awkward about the issue, it’s just that when we go out it’s not even a discussion…money does not feature. And on occasion I have pulled out my wallet and said ‘can I contribute’ (because it was gettign too much for me), he either frowns at me or does not even grace it with an answer – it’s just not done!!
    I just smile and put my wallet back and say “oooh thank you so much”.
    But when guys draw attention to it or tell me next time it’s my turn I tend to not feel good nowadays.
    That’s my take on it.

  57.  #57Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 10:26 am


    54 – It was confusing but I don’t think that is what he meant. He was saying he would only pay for the first date.

  58.  #58Tam on July 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

    57 I agree with you Radlove, that’s how I read it, and anyway, when a guy says ‘you can treat me, ha ha’, that’s just strange anyway, I mean, really.
    That would turn me right off, like does he think he is too good for me or what? Pff.
    I am the Princess, please, he is supposed to want to treat me and not make stupid jokes… but that’s maybe just me 🙂

  59.  #59ruth on July 30, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Lama butterfly

    As I understand it from Roris stuff, all men have something to give us in some way
    As we have things to give them

    So, lots of interactions with men are needed to keep learning
    so you are ready for Mr Right when he comes along

    Nowhere does it say that those interactions have to be intimate. Or ven an actual “date”
    And so it need not necessarily be “disrespectful” either

    On the other hand if you arent ready to do that, then you arent ready, and maybe you just need to sit with yourself for a while

    I dont see anything wrong with that either

  60.  #60bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 10:33 am

    my mama says when a man extends an invitation, he is offering to pay. he is not “paying for” your future relationship – he is gaining by the pleasure of your company : )

    YOU are more valuable than a cup of coffee, a movie ticket, or even a plate of raw fish : )

  61.  #61Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 10:35 am


    56 – Me too. I make an exception with R cuz he’s on disability. But both of us shoot for low cost dates.

    K tells me adamantly THE MAN PAYS. And he’s a man. He’s ok with cooking for each other.

    Like you say, I just feel better letting a man pay and when a man just pulls out his wallet. And better yet when he insists on paying. I have rarely experienced that.

  62.  #62Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 10:37 am

    bloom-ing –

    60 – I like what you wrote. Yeah, it is the pleasure of your company. And it’s true that I got around 100 responses.


  63.  #63Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 10:40 am


    58 – Yes, exactly.

  64.  #64Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 10:40 am

    @59 ruth – thanks so much for your perspective! It felt very calming. I just wish I could feel more confident and open and mellow when men “re-enter” my life in whatever way it is they choose to do that. I feel as though, when they go away, they should STAY AWAY, and I feel so angry when they come back, even if they just want to be friends or even if they are nothing but gentle and sweet to me. I just feel…rage.

    I want to heal this.

  65.  #65Tam on July 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

    …I think it’s also something to do with the guy’s pride. Even when MrU was in a funk with his business, and money troubles, he still insited on paying and we just did low cost stuff.
    He is very old school and not having money for him meant that he just wasn’t dating….and that was sad also because for me the money makes no difference, I’d not have minded splitting things…but I think it is important not to emasculate a traditional man. They feel good when they provide and yes, exactly, our company is so so so worth it!!
    We are the yummy pies…and we like to eat yummy pies..hehe

  66.  #66Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Love feels like anger to me. I feel like anger was the strongest and primary emotion shown in my family. Other emotions, good and bad, were not expressed with the same intensity as anger. Anger feels so good. Anger feels like love to me. This can’t be healthy…

    I feel so attracted when men get angry with me, because I feel like it’s the only way I know they care. Because people who feel anger towards you definitely don’t feel apathetic towards you. They feel possessive, they feel protective, they feel passion.

  67.  #67bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 10:48 am


  68.  #68Starla on July 30, 2012 at 10:48 am


  69.  #69ruth on July 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

    Lamabutterfly, it seems to me that you have identified the issues in you that need looing at in more detail

    I think love can be very passionate, but it can be sweet and calm and peaceful and relaxing too

    Like you can just be yourself

    The drama and passion *is* exciting, but its not sustainable in the long term, i dont think

    Sounds like you have something to work on
    Maybe dont date till you have sortd some of this out, i dont know

    Maybe ive got it all wrong

  70.  #70Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 10:52 am

    I felt anger towards my Dad. For leaving for long periods of time, long enough for me to feel disconnected from him, and then he would come back.

    I adored him growing up, and I longed for his acceptance and approval but I don’t think I ever felt it.

    I didn’t feel pretty enough for him, or competent enough for him, or loveable enough for him.

    He really was an amazing Dad. Acts of Service is his love language, and I feel like I failed to show him love in that language, as it is my most difficult language to speak. He tried to show me love in working really hard and providing for our family. He always did that, and he never permanently left us. Never. He’s a good man. He wouldn’t do that.

    and yet those feelings of “not good enough” linger strongly.

    I think that’s why I feel so triggered when guys leave my life and then try to come back into it. the constant leaving and coming back makes me feel so insecure and unstable.

    so when men do it, it feels like my Dad is doing it to me all over again. and I feel angry and scared of being abandoned.

    Dad never really abandoned me.

    But a man I loved abandoned me. He ran off and married someone else, after a brutal cycle of leaving me and coming back.

    I feel so stopped up and teary…

  71.  #71Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 10:54 am

    thanks for the hugs, Sweet Sirens. I feel so heard and supported.

  72.  #72ruth on July 30, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Lamabutterfly, it feels like you are open, not stopped up at all!

    if you can see the patterns, then, WOW

    Three quarters of the way to healing

    You dont have to always follow the familiar pattern, do you??

  73.  #73Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 11:00 am

    The text with the new CD continues, after I told him I don’t want to pursue it:

    CD: Why, because I will not pay for your meal every time?

    CD: You want a man to take care of you like they did in the old days? That’s cool that’s what you want.

    CD: Thank you for that email talks and the text talks I wish you luck.

    B: YW, thank you too and good luck.

    CD: TY may I ask why you do not want to go on with me? Something I said?

    CD: I pay when we go out

    I am still not sure I will respond or go out with him. One thing I feel turned off about is his spelling and grammar, which I have cleaned up quite a bit in transcribing them here.

    I also feel turned off that he doesn’t seem sensitive to me. My post was about a man getting to know my heart, not just my body. He went on and on with sexual teasing. A little is fine, but even after i gave him a heads up he just kept going there until I told him I wasn’t enjoying it. Then he started this thing about dating and who pays.

    I just don’t have any desire to meet him, so I guess I will just leave it as is.

  74.  #74ruth on July 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Ah Radlove, just bin him

    you have another 99 to choose from

  75.  #75bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

    I am enough

    I do enough

    I have enough

    Everything I need in all areas of my life is coming to me at exactly the right time.

    I am an unlimited magnificent being!


    I, baby, trust myself completely now

    I, baby, am willing to forgive my mother now

    I, baby, always make the right choice. My timing is perfect.


    It’s safe for me, baby girl, to be here

    I made the right choice

    My body is safe no matter how I feel

    I, baby, can have what I want. I deserve to have what I want

    I, baby, deserve to be happy and loved

    It’s safe for me, baby, to have what I want.


    Little girl, I forgive you completely

    Little girl, I set you free


    I, small human, trust and love myself completely now


    I, woman, am willing to surrender to What Is and know Love is there

    Surrender is not giving up.

    Surrender is letting go of the thought that I can control this situation.


    It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied.

    It’s safe to be all that I am

    There’s plenty of time for me to be, do and have everything I’ve ever wanted

    I forgive myself now for even thinking I’ve ever done anything wrong.


    I am willing to receive a man who really loves me

    I, woman, am willing to receive all of the love coming to me now.

    I, woman, am willing to know what I want…

    …to ask for what I want

    …to receive what I ask for now…


    I, woman, am fully equipped to release any condition that is no longer appropriate in my life…it is safe for me to do this now

    ((((babygirllittlegirlwoman)))) good job baby you can do that ! kiss your feet

    want to make god laugh ? make a plan.

    kiss your feet for carrying you

    happy baby roll back, roll on – safety dance – giggle nonsense doodle fantastic & magical….

    & YES i will write these down in my hand & hang them where i sleep. i intend to constantly give myself the assurance & love that my whiniest baby wants : ) it’s ok little girl ! i would never ever accuse you of asking too much. you’re sweet & i give to you as fully as i’m able (which is actually unlimited) thank you

  76.  #76bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

    i don’t have to throw anything away. there is nothing to be “cleaned up” or “gotten rid of”. i’m already clean & unsullied.

    i choose to fly where i choose to fly : )

    i choose rainbows, gentle mists, clouds like cotton candy & i can eat them : )

    i looked in the mirror yesterday, standing nxked in front of a closet door that had been removed from its hinges & leaned up against a dusty basement wall. first thought: “oprah winfrey”

    LOL WINNING ! hahah…. yummy baby, yummy thoughts : )

  77.  #77sunflower on July 30, 2012 at 11:12 am

    I met M online..he was abroad teaching a semester , but was to get back- so we emailed back and forth hoping to meet once he was back in the country.

    Well somewhere in the midst of emailing- he expressed in feeling messages that though he thought my flirtatiousness, and anticipation was lovely.. he felt unsure what to write/how to respond as he did not feel yet on the same page. And he did not want to suggest anything till we met in person. I understand that. Reflecting back- I feel I did overfunction somewhat, in the subtle ways we do in trying to move things quicker. And he sensed the masculine energy and pushed back.

    It did feel awfully weird to be told that I was coming on strong…but I follwed the sireny advice from here, and emailed saying ‘thankyou for letting me know. I may have written that awkawardly/stiffly..I don’t know, but I was feeling resentful/put off even as I wrote. After that, nearly I and half months ago, there has been silence. I also feel somekind of an awkwardness about what/how does one talk now after being told I was coming on strong.

    And Yet, I feel sad. He felt like a nice guy, emotionally mature and honest. I feel sad about the derailed communication. Would it be leaning forward if I dropped in a line saying ” I feel sorry that communication between us feels derailed”, Or should I just let it go..

    Would love to hear what you thinks. Lastime, both FeminineWoman, and Dominique’s advise made a lot of sense.

    Oh Yes, I am CDing others too…not anyone this honest and emotionally communicative though..:)

  78.  #78Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 11:14 am

    @72 ruth – thanks, Ruth. I feel so supported by you. It feels really comforting.

    It feels very easy to be open here on the blog, but not when I’m around certain men.

    It is in those moments that I feel stopped up, and then I process and try to figure out my feelings later, after the moments of opportunity have passed, and it just feels really frustrating when I can’t do it in the moment when a man is approaching me, staring at me, sitting close to me, touching me, etc.

    and then I want to lean forward, over-function, and fix my mistakes.

    in those moments when I am able to open up in front of men, it always works out beautifully for me, but it’s like a two steps forward and three steps back kind of thing.

    I feel extreme frustration with myself. I feel like it’s a real hindrance in all of my relationships.

  79.  #79bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

    sunflower, i’d just want to focus on those good memories & even write them down as things i want in my future partner & not think of the “man” associated with them unless he was right in front of me, pursuing me : )

    what do you think?

  80.  #80bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 11:19 am

    iamabutterfly, dominique posted a while ago an article about no-steps-backward – you are not “regressing” – there is nothing but progress : ) that’s what i choose to believe… love you : ))

  81.  #81sunflower on July 30, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Wow bloo-ming, I like focus on good memories and write them as things i want in future partner…I want a emotionally honest, and emotionally communicative man, who is also goodlooking..:)

  82.  #82ruth on July 30, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Thank you lama butterfly, that feel nice to hear

    I guess we are all still taking our baby steps
    We are all in slightly different places

    Right now, Im feeling exhausted with using feeling messages and i am feeling disconnected fom my man
    I dont feel authentic, i just feel needy and whiny, so i think its best If I am quiet for a while and am just gentle with myself for tonight

  83.  #83bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 11:25 am

    yum, sunflower !!!!! me too : ) i want that too! YAY !!!

  84.  #84Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 11:26 am


  85.  #85Starla on July 30, 2012 at 11:30 am

    i would like to feel worthy of a very very attractive high quality guy

    i don’t

  86.  #86sunflower on July 30, 2012 at 11:31 am

    But I want this man too…present and pursuing me,
    And I want 10 more men,all eye-candies, brains, emotionally giving, and honest, and present and pursuing me…wow that feels terrific, and yum, and yay..;)))

  87.  #87Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 11:37 am

    SunFlower did you meet him? If so how many dates have you been on?

    I ask because you said you “met” online.

  88.  #88Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 11:39 am

    @85 Starla – you are! ((((Starla))))

  89.  #89Dominique on July 30, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Iamabutterfly – #51 – I wish I could reach through this monitor screen and hug you. Sweetheart, thought it may not have been the best idea to spill all in a letter, it WAS REAL and AUTHENTIC.

    That he didn’t respond as you would prefer, doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. This is the part about emotions men don’t like so much, talking about them. Not having them. Not showing them.

    And just because you open your heart to the world, doesn’t mean you can’t save special bits for someone special. There is a difference.

    I don’t think about what it is I show and give to K. It just is. I can still open myself to most everyone else too. There are no words to describe how it differs or why. Again it just is.


  90.  #90Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    Your blocks to love are not conscious, they are ingrained patterns from early childhood.

    “We learn how to receive love at a very young age, and that love has conditions on it. As we get older, we seek out love that mirrors what we learned. This is not a conscious process. Creating love on purpose requires you to identify your blocks to love and remove them. Then you create from your true heart’s desire.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  91.  #91sunflower on July 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Femininewoman- haven’t met, no dates- pretty imaginary. Just email, phonecalls, and that is where things got stuck…even the ‘weird’ conversation was over email.

  92.  #92Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I was just reading about the Pioneer Woman’s relationship with her husband. They met, clicked, he got her number, and then didn’t contact her for FOUR solid months! She was happy and receptive when he came back.

    I wonder what would’ve happened if she responded the way I did…freezing up, insecure, angry, etc.? She’d still be single like me…

    She was and is such a Siren. Had all of her men coming back in droves when she was engaged.

    I want to be like her!

  93.  #93Calypso on July 30, 2012 at 11:48 am

    I had the strangest weekend with my CD from POF: Musicman. He drove 3.5 hours to see me and planned to come Friday night and stay saturday night – he got a hotel room and made some hints about me possibly packing a bag and staying with him – flirty in text.

    Then, he let’s me know he won’t be there until Saturday morning, so I go out with friends Friday night. Saturday he shows up and I meet him in his hotel parking lot. He hugs me and gives me a quick kiss and then asks if I’m hungry – i say starved and he asks if I mind driving, since I know the town. That’s fine . . . so, I drive.

    The date sort of went down hill from there – I can’t explain it other than to say that I kept feeling like he was forcing me into masculine energy. he paid for lunch and later for dinner and some drinks, but he kept putting everything on me – driving, where we were to go, etc. We never hugged or kissed again. it felt very odd . . .

    He kept making jokes about me being a stalker and he didn’t know where I was taking him when we were driving . . .he is the one who came to my town and then asked me to be the driver! Ugh. I did not like the way I felt AT ALL.

    NEXT!!! (Again :/ )

  94.  #94Dominique on July 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

    sunflower – #77 – Let it go. Please. If he can’t handle this little thing, then what does that say potentially about the future. Any leaning forward right now would not serve you. It might/likely make you feel worse.


  95.  #95Tam on July 30, 2012 at 11:51 am

    4 months?? Oh no.
    I have to laugh about myself a lot today.
    I mean, I miss MrU, who hasn’t made contact since our last email exchange almost 1 1/2 weeks ago…and I am pretty sure he has met someone…there are a few pointers, and the fact he has gone off the dating website (for now). And suddenly I feel pi***d, that he didn’t go off the dating website when he was with me!! Well, actually he deletyed his profile (to show me) but I found another one by accident – that’s what happens when you are a ‘match’…hahaha.

    Now I am laughing about all this…and I had decided to be happy for him when he found someone – but I am not at!!

    So tomorrow by magic, I have a coffee there!!

  96.  #96sunflower on July 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Thankyou Dominique…I am going to let it go.

  97.  #97Starla on July 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

    my coworker who is my friend and asks me to marry him sometimes snapped at me really bad twice today. i froze. he’s got some passive aggressive issues and telling him anything when he acts like this just makes it worse, and i do have a job to keep.

    so i just went into the bathroom and cried my eyes out.

    he can go f*ck himself. i feel so angry being talked down to like that.

  98.  #98Dominique on July 30, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Yes I did say this, that there are no steps backwards. Once on your healing journey, you are on your journey. You may trip; you may even fall down and skin your knees, but you then get back up, dust yourself off, put a band-aid (plaster) on your booboos if necessary, and you carry on.


  99.  #99Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    @89 Dominique – You always say words that feel so comforting and wise and thoughtful. Thank you so much!

  100.  #100sunflower on July 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    And I going to feel like a siren, a goddess,
    into me,
    and letting go of all men who can’t handle little things,
    and I am going to draw the most emotionally available, and goodlooking and yummy men to me.
    Thankyou Dominique!

  101.  #101Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    sunflower if I understand Rori’s way I would call that a penpal.

    Comments like “met him online” and “He felt like a nice guy, emotionally mature and honest.” are like clues to yourself that shows you are way too far ahead on the relationship timeline, in my opinion. You might already be thinking you are in a relationship though you have not met. I believe it would be good to look at this to see if it is a pattern that has been repeated.

    As it is an imaginary relationship I would leave it and not contact him. The fact he pointeed out that he thought you were coming on too strong suggests honesty and confidence to me. Maybe a man who knows himself and what he wants. A man who willingly speaks his mind. If he contacts you again it shows you are on his mind so I would allow him to lean forward and then focus on starting fresh.

  102.  #102ruth on July 30, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Thats is helpful Dominique

  103.  #103Iamabutterfly on July 30, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    I just feel so emotionally immature. and that feels frustrating to me.

    but I honestly haven’t had many good examples of emotionally mature women in my life, who I could observe interacting with men, expressing their emotions in a healthy way, and I really feel like that helps a great deal.

    I feel embarassed admitting this, but I actually learned a lot from watching this season of the Bachelorette! It was amazing to me to watch Sean in the Rejection Van, freely expressing emotions like embarassment and sadness and confusion. It made me feel hopeful for men…and for myself!

  104.  #104sunflower on July 30, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Thankyou Feminewoman. I don’t do long distance and generally see online as just a way to connect and meet in person. I agreed to connect with this man because he was coming back in a 2 months.

    But yes, I am going to let it go, and feel very supported in not leaning forward. Thanks..:)

  105.  #105kdr on July 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm


    Thank you so much for your answers (#397) in the previous post.

    This is now starting to gel for me. I have to remember that I am the prize! And if he does not see me that way and if he doesn’t try to take me off the market within a few months, then maybe I’ll date him casually (if I can; if I’m not too hung up on him). But no sex with him because I’ll get attached.

    How’s that?

    I am the brass ring. Make an effort to win me 🙂

    Thanks again for your help.

  106.  #106blue rose on July 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    this is going back up a bit – about when guys pay or do not pay.

    it has always been an issue for me, and I am working on it.

    A guy I ended things with has reappeared, and asked to take me to the movies, then changed it to taking me to dinner, then said, well what would you prefer? So I said lets do the movie.

    He payed for the movie as I reached for my wallet and I thanked him. Neither of us had had dinner that night, so when we walked to the concession stand, he ordered a hot dog for himself. He asked if I wanted anything and I said small pop corn. Ordinarily I would have also wanted a drink, but I felt so weird because he has told me in the past that he doesn’t understand why the guy is always expected to pay, and I didn’t want to be insulting and say I would pay – because it was clear he was trying to change.

    I don’t entirely know what I was supposed to learn from that interaction. I also noticed I was being sorta bitchy, and when I caught it I stopped right away. Maybe that’s something to be aware of.

    Then when we were walking to our theater number, he joked around about me making a lot of money (I don’t – he makes more) and some comment I can’t remember about how he paid for me (my instinct was right about not ordering a drink). I think it was something along the lines of what does he get for taking me out. and I answered that he gets to hang out with me, isn’t he lucky. he laughed, but I honestly meant it.

    any comments/suggestions/observations are always welcome. thanks.

  107.  #107blue rose on July 30, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    oops. I swore. In moderation. I’ll change it:

    this is going back up a bit – about when guys pay or do not pay.

    it has always been an issue for me, and I am working on it.

    A guy I ended things with has reappeared, and asked to take me to the movies, then changed it to taking me to dinner, then said, well what would you prefer? So I said lets do the movie.

    He payed for the movie as I reached for my wallet and I thanked him. Neither of us had had dinner that night, so when we walked to the concession stand, he ordered a hot dog for himself. He asked if I wanted anything and I said small pop corn. Ordinarily I would have also wanted a drink, but I felt so weird because he has told me in the past that he doesn’t understand why the guy is always expected to pay, and I didn’t want to be insulting and say I would pay – because it was clear he was trying to change.

    I don’t entirely know what I was supposed to learn from that interaction. I also noticed I was being sorta “cranky”, and when I caught it I stopped right away. Maybe that’s something to be aware of.

    Then when we were walking to our theater number, he joked around about me making a lot of money (I don’t – he makes more) and some comment I can’t remember about how he paid for me (my instinct was right about not ordering a drink). I think it was something along the lines of what does he get for taking me out. and I answered that he gets to hang out with me, isn’t he lucky. he laughed, but I honestly meant it.

    any comments/suggestions/observations are always welcome. thanks.

  108.  #108Starla on July 30, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    blue rose, I would have put my arms around that man’s neck and given him a sweet quick little hug and beamed and said ‘thank you for giving me a fun time tonight!” and let it drop.
    silly men

  109.  #109Starla on July 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I just got offered a pretty good part time job that i can do on my own time. I’m not sure if I will take it. It’s not the kind of work I enjoy, but it’s for a very good cause.

  110.  #110Starla on July 30, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    i mean, i would have done that in response to him asking what he gets for taking me out.

  111.  #111Memulo on July 30, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I feel so scared

  112.  #112Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm


    40 – ” i think most women have at least 1 guy that for whatever reason, they try to squeeze “right-ness” out of, when all signs point to Wrong : )”

    Yeah that’s true. I am trying not to care anymore.

  113.  #113bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    this really amazing man in my office just sent out pictures of a log bed he built himself : )))

    he’s such a good, loving, respectful man & i feel it’s nearly tragic that he’s made the lovely bed up with just a single pillow…. & i know he’ll find his Queen & she’ll be so AMAZED by him… (((men))) so much wonderful in the world, i swear it & believe in it (((wonder)))

  114.  #114Smile on July 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Exercise makes me feel great. Starting to love zumba now I know a few routines and don’t feel like I have two left feet anymore. I feel energised.

  115.  #115Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 12:42 pm


    I feel triggered. He sounds like a jerk.

  116.  #116bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 12:43 pm


  117.  #117Starla on July 30, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    blooming, that’s so cool! I love building furniture (out of old furniture, hehe). It’s one of my passions. I want interesting coworkers like that:D
    Mine are just meanies right now.

  118.  #118Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Why do I feel so angry.

  119.  #119Starla on July 30, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    I want an amazing, smart, motivated, ambitious, guy that i think is just f*cking hothothot, who is sweet and good and pursues me, but I don’t think I have the self confidence to handle it.
    I would feel insecure all the time that he would abandon me for someone better.
    I’m not sure what to do about this.

  120.  #120Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    I just wonder…

    Is it ok to question myself for feeling a certain way?

    I always do. Want to know if it’s a pattern.

  121.  #121Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm


    118 – I want just the same as you. My problem is actually not self-confidence, oh boy any man can want me and be crazy about me. My problem is I wonder if I will be able to love/like someone as deeply again.

  122.  #122Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    I feel so cold today. Pretty much emotionless.

  123.  #123Tam on July 30, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    118 – Starla, I often feel like that too. Especially when the lovely CD poofed and left for another woman and the man I really like is out enjoying himself and not having the wish to speak to me.
    It is not easy to take with all the affirmations in the world. This is the real affirmation for me. They poof.
    No matter how much I can tell myself how wonderful I am, it sounds hollow and false right now, like a crutch when I should be walking unaided by now.

  124.  #124Ella on July 30, 2012 at 1:02 pm


    Re 25

    Awww hon.

    It is not your fault that the guy felt on his head! At all.

    Please don’t stay at home and miss your training sessions if you enjoy them!

    The trainer is responsible for the clients and could be guiding them as to what exercises are appropriate for their fitness levels and ability.

    Plus each individual is reposonsible for themself.


  125.  #125Ella on July 30, 2012 at 1:05 pm


    Re 7.

    Sounds like the work might be around forgiving yourself and being patient and supportive of yourself.


  126.  #126Ella on July 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm


    Re 8.

    This is an ideal opportunity to practice finding and stating your boundaries and communicating.

    Eg about not wanting to be someone’s therapist.

    You could also practice some FMs about how it feels not to be asked any questions.

  127.  #127Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    On Friday night I had this guy asking me out to go to this b-day party at a bar. I had NEVER talked to that kid, we got in a group together that day and so he got my number.

    I felt pretty weird and pressured as he asked me out without getting to know me first, we talked for the first time that day!! And for class purposes. Ugh. Don’t ask me out when all I know is your name. At least lets have spontaneous talks and then we’ll see.

    I feel like I’m really bad at CD. I don’t like guys that come at me so quick.

    Besides he’s short. I don’t like short guys. Not that I am picky, but short guys are a turn off to me.

    So complicated.


  128.  #128Ella on July 30, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    @ Smile

    “As far as I can summaise low esteem is worrying, thinking you’re not good enough, putting too much emphasis on what others think, being hard on yourself, beating yourseld up if you get something wrong, feeling like a loser if someone doesn’t pick you, compating yourself to others in a unfavourable light.”

    Owww, Yeah! 🙂

  129.  #129Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 1:12 pm


    74 – Thanks for your feedback. I didn’t respond any further, beyond what I posted.

    I know I am supposed to get to the place where this sort of thing doesn’t put me off. But it does. I just don’t feel like trying again each time one is a no-go. I am so sick of dating. I hate dating. and I don’t know if I will be any good at CDing when I hate it that much.

    I did work on leaning back, smiling, and 5 second eye contact at my friend’s wedding yesterday. I didn’t get much response but it was good practice anyway. I just wished R was there the whole time. I just felt lonely and sick of going places alone and sick of being single.

    A friend of mine posted some stuff on my FB that were supposed to be funny about me dating and me being single. But some had a bit of a negative flair, and I don’t talk much at all about dating on my FB, since people from church and extended family are on there. So I erased them. She probably won’t notice, but if she does, I guess I don’t care that she might be offended.

    I like to keep my FB positive and pretty general, for the most part.

  130.  #130Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 1:13 pm


    114 – Thanks for your feedback…it confirms to me that it’s not just me being too picky. It’s interesting how the older I get, my standards go up, not down.

  131.  #131Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    Oh Radlove,

    I totally relate to being talked like that and it brings me anger. So the earlier you stop him the better it is.

  132.  #132Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 1:15 pm


    126 – I would feel yucky if a man asked me out with no rapport also. I think most men move too fast, as a whole. If a man asked me out prematurely, I’d say something like this:

    I would love to get to know you better, but I feel weird going out with you when I just met you. I like to date a man after we’ve established a rapport. What do you think?

  133.  #133ruth on July 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Oh yeah, you have to keep facebook mostly light heartd and un-emotional if possible

    (you never know what the other 99 might throw up-might be good stuff)

  134.  #134Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm


    84 – Thanks for the hug! Right back at ya!

  135.  #135bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    starla, i feel like i “got” a really amazing wonderful partner… & every time i see another lady that i think is wonderful, i’m like “awww she is so cool ! maybe she would be a better cook & be nicer to be around & have sexier legs & work out & smile all the time”…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….BUT but …. but ……… there are wonderful men for everyone….. & this one is my partner right now & he wants ME & wants ME to smile : ) yum…… jeez though i do feel that it is difficult to maintain that belief….. that, “despite my flaws” someone wants Me ??? so baffling, so confusing…… i find “Me” annoying & difficult so much of the time lol….. ((((me)))) aww hugs to me & love to me, & who cares if he leaves me for someone “better” ? right ? then i’ll go & continue along my merry way, staying on my Life Bridge : )

  136.  #136Starla on July 30, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    I think the key/trick for me is going to be in receiving and feeling totally worthy.

    Every time a gloriously hot/good catch of a man gives to me in any way, I vow to receive it with gusto and merit:)

    This should be a great first step

    I do deserve a fabulous man. I don’t need to settle in order to be worthy.

  137.  #137Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 1:21 pm


    131 – Thanks. “I feel weird going out with you when I just met you” would have actually been a very good response but I think I handled him pretty bad. I am still bad at feeling messages. That was exactly how I felt but I didn’t know how to tell him. All I told him was that I was going out with some friends but thanks for letting me know.


    I don’t think he will ask me out again. I don’t feel interested either.

  138.  #138bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    so weird to think “oh yes i just have low self esteem” so sad & dark & wearying of a thought……..

    there are no battles with thought – i can simply go another direction

    that’s true with men as well… there are no battles or battlegrounds… i’m on a pleasant walk & i’ll choose to change my path if i spot treacherous terrain or if i see a spot that looks particularly sunny…..

    i’m on a path right now that looks to lead me where i desire to go…. toward lack of tethering, toward intellectual freedom, toward emotional peace, toward physical & spiritual intimacy, toward self-knowledge…. go girl ! that’s exciting & i do intend for you to enjoy each step : ) you can do that kiss your feet

  139.  #139Ella on July 30, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Radlove re 37

    I just wondered if maybe it might be better to stop telling him you are going to end the friendship, have no contact etc… as it doesn’t seem like you are really ready for that.

    I wonder how it would feel to not say it, until you are 110% sure… and even then to make doubly sure…

    Otherwise how will you be able to trust yourself?

    When I constantly break my own boundaries and promises, I don’t feel safe, and then I am more likely to look outside of myself for reassurance, and for a man to ‘fix’ it.

    So these days I tend to hold off saying those things to the man… until I am absolutely sure in myself.

    I might express my uncertainty here.

    But it does help me to feel more secure, and I don’t have to do anything, until I am completely ready.

  140.  #140Starla on July 30, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    “I’d feel better getting to know you first before going out to a party like that with you:). What do you think?”

  141.  #141ruth on July 30, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I would love to not feel the battles Blooming

    What a lovely way to exist
    How inspirational!

    I actually feel envious
    Id love to be able to walk that path and embrace that philosophy

    Hmm, its made me think

    Thank you

  142.  #142bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    ruth, me too : )) i want that & intend it for myself : )

    i love all the humans & i do not want to “defeat” any human – i love myself & do not want to feel “defeated”

    thus, i intend to refuse any “gauntlet” i perceive……….

    i can say, “awww thank you… how interesting….. i feel more like dancing than fighting though…. what do you think ?” listen closely for the music….. allow my body to move the way it feels most loving & peaceful…. : )

  143.  #143Rebecca on July 30, 2012 at 1:38 pm


    Thank you so much for your responses! I feel so seen and heard! Thank you

  144.  #144ruth on July 30, 2012 at 1:45 pm



    Time for me to go back to DRU (heart)Yoga

    A lot of roris stuff has similarities with this

  145.  #145Dancing Siren on July 30, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    So good evening Sirens.

    Well I have had a good/ish day.

    I have mostly felt ok.

    I have managed to eat a little bit more healthily and includes some vegetables, lean protein and swapped he white carbs I have been eating recently for complex ones. Also reduced my sugar intake from what it has been.

    So feeling pleased about this progress.

    This is my last busy week before my classes stop for the summer and next week is my last week at the pub.

    I am so looking forward to a break, I’ve worked SO hard this year.

    I am looking forward to taking care of my diet and nutrition a bit better, and just me in general. And then going back to work at a less intense pace in September as the debt situation is finally improving!

    I felt worried about getting through this week after the break up from S, but I feel ok so far.

    Still a little apprehensive.

    Because the main chef is away at work this week, S is covering, so where I would normally only have 2 shift with him, I now have 3… starting tomorrow.

    I feel really worried about it. I am not looking forward to tomorrow.

    Its too late to cancel or get cover now, plus I could do with the money to see me over the summer break, so I will just have to remind myself that its not long before I leave.

    Apart from that I have really enjoyed my time there.

    It helped as S texted me earlier with some really sweet pics and words about how we are apart now because he is on his path and has work to do, so that he can make his way back to me, and how hopefully we will walk away together one day down a beautiful path.

    It felt better anyway.

    Like there is still mutual love and respect there, despite everything.

    And it just makes it all feel easier to deal with.

  146.  #146Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 1:49 pm


    138 – Thanks, I agree.

  147.  #147Dancing Siren on July 30, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Ok so I am sitting here, and I know that what I need to do for myself right now is take a shower.

    It would feel good to get an early night, and read my book/sleep.

    But shower first.

    And I need to put my clothes away.

    Oh I forgot to mention, that now my work and money situation is slowly improving I intend to help more at home.

    My Mum and her partner have pretty much done everything in the past 6 months… And I have done very little at home… have been so busy working and concentrating on the business.

    I don’t think they mind and it has been good practice for me learning how to receive help when I need it.

    I started off feeling bad then I spoke to my Mum and told her how I was feeling and she said it was not a problem and I felt supported and a lot better.

    But I would like to do more and intend to.

    I made some babysteps today.

    But did not feel up to doing much… but I can build on the start I made!

  148.  #148Smile on July 30, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Lamabutterfly re 92

    This is inspiring me not to cut off one guy and have closure before moving onto the next as I have in the past. Thankyou for this reminder.

  149.  #149ruth on July 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Hello Dancing siren

    I have to say, I feel SO impresed by how you have laid down the boundaries and taken control of a bad situation

    I truly hope, no, I believe thigs will work out
    you are one brave lady

  150.  #150bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    hmmmm yes i can do that !

    HOW ?

    there is no “way” to happiness – happiness IS the way : )

    lol it’s so simple & sometimes i tell myself “NO you must suffer” villian-voice, furrowed brow, tense tummy, angry voice to punish the aggressor (me)

    ((((((((((patience)))))))))) (((((((((((((awareness))))))))))))))

    i’ll keep writing my goals & living my words & maybe someday i’ll wake up & realize i’m already in heaven : )

    ok ok that’s a bit “ambitious” for my monday imagination……

    i’m going to go the anger, hello, &….. what in the world are you asking me to do ? because i don’t want to “hxte myself” like you say…. & i don’t want to “fear bxtches” like you say either. i don’t want the “men are dxgs” or the “men are drxgs” either ! but thank you for suggesting to me that i should take care of myself. certainly i should ! i should be aware of the things that make me feel unsafe & take a step back from them so that i can observe…. ok, you say you see an “ugly” thing & you feel afraid & angry…….. what would you like to see happen ? we cannot go around “stomping on” everything that seems more like a “wasp” than a “butterfly” & we simply won’t do that. i’m not Smart enough to “judge” like that ! i don’t want to be “unfair” & “fair-ness” is something that is far beyond me – so far that i need not ever think of it. just so with “control” & just so with “omniscience”…. & yet, i can go there – to an “omniscient” place…. & i will lose all context for this “reality” as omniscience has no place among the mundane…… there is no mundane…. see? there is no “reality” if we go to “omniscience” : ) lol i’m laughing at you & all your attempts to “logic” this puzzle……… it’s just love ! help yourself : )

  151.  #151Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Rori on jealousy (2008) I feel like she is talking to me directly.

    “When someone else gets your man, it feels like a thousand knives being stuck in your heart. And all the high-minded thinking about what’s meant to be sounds hollow, and you just want to hit the person saying it (even if it’s your own brain).

    So let’s try this:

    When you feel it, say it. Write it down. Like this: “I feel jealous.” And then… “And it feels awful.”

    And then…”So what?” And “Yayyy…I can FEEL!”

    Instead of FIGHTING our jealousy, we have to find a way to move past it – into a place where we can gather our energy, our anger, our fear, and our jealousy, too – to create a NEW opportunity to have what we want.

    That’s it – a new opportunity. A fresh start, a new perspective, a new place, a new company, a new man.

    And the amazing thing is – and all my clients experience this – when you focus on the NEW, on the FRESH, on making each moment count as if it’s got a great surprise gift ready for you to unwrap, the OLD starts creeping back.

    It creeps back sometimes to pull our attention and drag us back into the mud of yesterday, or it shows up a something NEW. I’ve seen OLD men turn into NEW men. And I’ve seen OLD men show up as messengers to let you know for sure that you’re now in a PERMANENTLY new place, thank you very much.

    First step to the New is always to feel what you’re feeling. No denial, no shoving under the rug, no pretending.”

  152.  #152Femininewoman on July 30, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Oh my DS.

    I too should share that I just had a talk with a dear male friend who insisted I tell him about my financial situation. I felt embarassed. I cried but at the end he kept at it until I had given him all the details. He ended saying he wants to see my bills and I must allow him to think so he can see how he can “attack” it. He told me I know that is where his strength lie and that I should allow him to help. During the conversation he initially asked me how were thinks and what I was thinking. Before I knew what I was saying “I feel lost and adrift” fell out of my mouth. I felt shocked and surprised at myself that it came out so naturally. I consciously kept bring my attention to my body while we talked. At some time I felt like I was in my head so I kept dropping my thoughts to my hand on the chair and my butt on the chair. It felt like a new and enlightening experience.

  153.  #153Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    “I have learnt the power of leaning back with men. Men’s brains perceive leaning back in a woman as enigmatic, inviting, feminine, not controlling, self-confident…and boy, ain’t it sexy? It inspires his masculinity to soar and the polarity it creates will draw him closer and more passionate toward you.”

    Katarina Phang

  154.  #154Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    I understand what she is saying about talking to yourself–
    But–do I talk to the man about the feeling? Does the answer to that question depend on whether I intend to leave?
    She seems to say that we process it ourselves and lean way back–and only get back in relationship if the “old” cheater has become a “new man”. And if not–we allow a new and different man in and let the old go completely.
    Does anyone interpret this differently?

  155.  #155bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    feeling scared & angry & defensive….. love to me love to me forgiveness to me love to me love to me forgiveness to me….. love to me love to me forgiveness to me…. love to me love to me love to me love to me love to me that’s good : ) YUM i like it ! thank you…. sometimes i can’t hug myself tight enough…. love to me extra love to me there are always kisses & hugs & love for me everywhere it’s all love help yourself

    scary loop again. deep breath. love to me. love to me. i’m just where i’m supposed to be. i’m doing what i’m supposed to be doing. i’m making the right decision. i’m aware of where i am in this moment & here i am ! i’m right here ! where i am ! good girl.

    when i feel scared ? i do feel so scared sometimes… i feel afraid of myself. i feel untrusting of myself. i feel afraid of everything “beyond me” that i don’t understand…….. how magical & mysterious – how dark the moment after this one will be….. i feel curious about it & enthralled with the infinite possibilities… & i release a desire to control it or know how it will go….

    i get so angry-feeling around my “incompetencies”….. awwww baby….. there is nothing too big. i’m big ! i’m small, but i’m big too.

    i want to be the Big Woman without the Loud Voice…. what does that look like for me ?

    it looks like………. who is the mother ? where is the hearth ? ah…. a lost home by the ocean….. an abandoned fire……… my mind is lost in windy imagery from my childhood’s imagination….. hmmm…. have i been seeking loneliness & isolation ? have i sought pain & small-ness? beautiful isolation – a quiet dxath out on the moors in the storm while the waves hurl themselves against the rocks in agony……… ahhhh that is so beautiful….. & also somehow not what i Really Want : )) i give myself permission to release that Idea of “beauty” : )

  156.  #156Smile on July 30, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    My new night cream has lavender in it. I feel relaxed and sensuous. I feel like a woman. I feel moisturised. I feel sleepy, my eyes and arms feel heavy.

  157.  #157Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    I like how I feel more empowered and in control of myself as I have become more aware of my feelings.

    For example, when I feel judged, I feel my body tense with anger. Feeling messages are becoming automatic, and i really like the new me.

  158.  #158Smile on July 30, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Hmm do I feel like a woman? I think I’m still a girl actually lol

    At what age do you make a switch from being a girl to a woman? Is this at puberty? Is there an exact age? Or is it a feeling?

    I’m 28

  159.  #159FlowerChild77 on July 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    (((Radlove))) I’m wondering—since you do not really ‘want’ to CD—if the men you do have contact with can feel the vibe you’re putting out. Also wondering if maybe you are (without realizing it) ‘sabotaging’ your chances of meeting some nice men, by finding things to dislike or get turned off by before you even meet them.

    I know you really want R…but I hate to see you just “waiting” for him. I’ve been thinking about what you said…him sitting on the sofa crying over an emotional proposal on television—and you sitting all alone in your chair. I felt very said reading that.

  160.  #160Smile on July 30, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    (((new feeling radlove)))

  161.  #161bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    every beautiful woman is another sign to me that i am doing it right : ) every exciting, strong woman is a sign to me that i’m traveling in the right direction – toward feminine energy & strength… i feel judgmental toward myself & i feel “feminist” revisions welling up in me: be angry ! the men have done this ! you are a hunted animal ! you are prey for beasts with blood on their faces….. hugs lk ! that’s not real : ) love to me

    what does it look like in my womanly home ? i’m in charge : ) i make bread & cheese : ) i use my tools quickly, with joy. i make beautiful things ! i keep my children warm. i tell stories & sing songs. i share my heart. i cry still. i still cry buckets. my man & my children don’t fear my tears & it feels like opening windows in a stuffy room – all the air is clean & cool & calming….. here we cry & laugh together & no one is afraid. my man holds me & holds me above – holds me above the water, holds me “above” other women, holds me “above” everyone. i am his family. he is my family. our love is expansive & unconditional & without fear. i drift, i flow, i dance. i’m in love with the moment & with myself & with the ups & downs of living. i love change & i love calm. i live peace & peace flows around me. the women feel safe in my home & the men come to help. the “lust” in my home is all for me & all for good; the “violence” in my home is just the wind blowing & brings no “evil”. my quiet moments sustain me & the ringing in my ears comes from the deafening sound of angels singing : ) yum that’s all true & i love it : )

  162.  #162Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 2:33 pm


    139 – I already turned him down haha but I’ll save it for the next frog.

  163.  #163Dancing Siren on July 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm



  164.  #164bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    oops! lol i just double posted into moderation… sorry! idk why it went there…. maybe xvil ? but i didn’t mean it “like that” feel sad & judged a bit LOL love to me love to me love to me full expression & no fear love to me i’m not scared & i don’t need to feel scared. i love me. i’m wonderful & unique : ))) awww i barely believe it but i know it’s true : )

    i’m trying to find the “trap door” in my “anger room”… i want to be super-familiar with it, so that even when the lights get turned out, i can still find it….. : ) go ! i feel proud of myself : ) hugs lk don’t feel ashamed : ) you’re small & you’re big : ) good job i’m not feeling like you’re going too slowly… i think it’s good you’re going at all : ) good job : ) who cares if it’s late when you get there ? you’re going to get to the top! one step at a time, i can do that, i can move up this mountain & i can actually move the mountain if i please : ) that’s true & good & good to say to yourself – i can move mountains : )

    i’m a young, beautiful woman with infinite heart, infinite music, infinite dance – i make 900 billion dollars per day & the whole world is made of glittery gems : )

  165.  #165Dancing Siren on July 30, 2012 at 2:37 pm


    That cream sounds lush!

    Ummmm 🙂

  166.  #166Dancing Siren on July 30, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Radlove re 156

    Glad you are feeling good.

  167.  #167bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    we’re ending war over here ! we’re getting rid of it.

    it doesn’t work, i’ve decided, so there won’t be any more of it.

    thank you

  168.  #168Dancing Siren on July 30, 2012 at 2:40 pm


  169.  #169Dancing Siren on July 30, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    I’ve had my shower.

    Feeling more relaxed.

    And a bit sleepy so off to bed now.

    Night night.

  170.  #170Starla on July 30, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    i want to end war too
    it doesn’t work
    it sorta works, when it’s pre-wartime and both parties are refusing to use diplomacy.

    but of course war is the result of refusing to engage in diplomacy.

  171.  #171bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    i feel scared to get rid of fighting in my relationship.

    what will we do when we get bored ???

    i’m picturing what to do when i feel bored, hungry, confused, nervous, upset, cranky………. i can say….. in the sassiest voice i please ! “baby, i’m feeling all wound up….. what do you think ? ” & if he says, “aww about what ? ” i’ll tell him. & if he says, “eeeesh, not now kiddo, i got things to do right now” i can say, “ok bye, i gotta go run up a mountain or tear trees up by their roots or throw lightning bolts or something, k ? ” & he’ll be like “ok baby be safe” & i’ll kiss him goodbye & run out the door like a fairy : )

    what if he starts feeling “bad” & “blamed” ? i can just say “awww sorry baby i’m getting the feeling that my mood is rubbing off on you. what do you think? ” & if he says, Yeah, i’m feeling bored & cranky too ! i can just say “oh, sorry baby. i’ll go take care of myself & we can talk about this later if you want.” thank you!

  172.  #172Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm


    158 – I felt a little triggered by this comment. I sometimes feel like I’m “sabotaging” my chances with other men but I really feel turned off by them. Not that I try to.

    I feel attracted to personalities and I haven’t found someone that I really like.

  173.  #173Starla on July 30, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    bloom-ing, you are inspiring me… i’m riding your trail of stardust today

    i feel scared to get rid of fear of being rejected/abandoned in my relationships

    what will i do when i get bored?

  174.  #174bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    what if in 10 years he starts being really “bad” & leaving me out & leaving me behind & getting bored & getting “mean”…….. that was the big fear, but after i imagined how safe & warm my kitchen-home will be, i feel safe. why would anyone want to leave? who would risk that perfect bliss ? oooooh big doubts in my mind…… “perfect” is a trigger….. seems “unreasonable” & “impossible”. that’s ok lk! how nice & free that you don’t need or want “perfection” – that’s free & open & easy & slow…. we do OK, then we make “mistakes” & so we try again a new way : ) it’s a way to learn skills. it’s the Scientific Method. if my first hypothesis is wrong, i make a note of it, & i continue to theorize based on more & more observations. a “good” experiment isn’t one where your hypothesis is “proven” – it’s an experiment where the “known” is well-documented & the “unknown” is explored. “everything” cannot be learned from a single experiment; tiny bits of “understanding” come with hours of thought & research. i do not want to “dig” in myself for answers, however. i do not want to feel “pinned-down” or “examined” – these are not experiments to Control “knowledge”…. they are simple experiments to explore terrain & choose a path that feels good *to me*. ultimate relativity in science : )

  175.  #175Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    I want to find someone who I enjoy talking to even if I don’t like him physically. Who knows where it might get.

    I started seeing this friend of mine, such a good boy, a gentleman, sweet, sensitive, but I found him so boring!! I didn’t block myself and still hung out with him until one day he put his arms around me… uhhh… it felt so yucky. Such an awkward feeling. I’ve repelled him since then. I felt so sorry but my vibe just changed completely. I started feeling uncomfortable around him. I didn’t really want to be more than his friend.

    But I don’t like short guys. I am so little already. 5’4 and 102 pounds. I like being with a man bigger than me. Makes me feel protected. And I like them with personality. Not sweet overly good guys.

  176.  #176Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I want to be treated like a princess. Because that’s what I am. I want to feel loved and protected. I want to feel he is my hero. I want to be his girl. I wan to feel so vulnerable in his arms and feel that he’s so strong and soft at the same time.


  177.  #177bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    & what if he “isn’t what he says” – what if he’s out doing horrible things all the time when we’re apart ?! lol i’m giggling a little at how explicit my vivid imagination can be. but ok if i’m just walking around with my head in the clouds, getting cheated on with every one alive, so what ? so what ? that has nothing or very little to do with me. i’m in love & i’m traveling toward it. that makes sense. that’s the important part. the “judgements” & the “future-knowing” can just be let go for now while i just keep traveling toward love

  178.  #178Starla on July 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    i feel so excited about my trip to Austin and then over to the caribbean, but I don’t want to post about it on fb. I want to mysteriously post pictures AFTER I get back, like “oh hey I just do these magical things”

    because I know CF can still see my fb and I dunno, I want to surprise that f*cker

    me so silly.

  179.  #179Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 3:15 pm


    425 – That’s a good suggestion, to just go on a first date and take it from there. I guess I feel sufficiently turned off that I don’t want to pursue it. I did consider that, tho. Thanks!

  180.  #180bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    jasmine, i’m little too & my man is maybe 5’6″ ? i had always dated men 6’+ but i didn’t even “notice” that he was shorter until he was getting something in my kitchen & i saw him standing by my fridge & thought, “hm i think most men i’ve dated are taller than that appliance” lol : )))

    also i think he is a “sweet overly-good” guy……. but……… jeez he isn’t boring ! jeeeeeeeeez lol, far from boring : ))) & not “soft” either. super masculine. but gentle : ) i like him : ))

  181.  #181Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    So I posted on fb my “don’t ask me out if all I know is your name please”

    And a friend of mine commented

    “so if you don’t know their name, it’s ok then”

    LOL he is funny. I don’t know what to say tho. It’s still funny.

  182.  #182Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm


    178 – Hehehe well that’s good. I mean it’s not that I wouldn’t date a guy who isn’t tall but it’s just my preference. I’ve been with not-so-tall guys before and it wasn’t bad. I just feel more secure when they’re tall.

    My friend was such a good person and I had good times with him but if it’s to “date” him he is so boring. And I thought it was only me who thought that but a friend of mine told me the same thing cause he got a little awkward with her… he turns girls off some how.

    I hope he finds his best fit because he really is a good person. Just not my type.

  183.  #183FlowerChild77 on July 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Jasmine…I didn’t mean to trigger anyone. I’ve just learned over the years (I’m quite a bit older) that attraction is something that can grow over time if you give it a chance.

    I fell deeply in love with a man I never would have imagined myself even dating. He was not my ‘type’ at ALL. But the more I got to know him (and I let him kiss me BEFORE I was really attracted to him) the more attractive he became to me. He also turned out to be THE best lover I’ve had in my entire life.

    I was just trying to say that giving it a chance can really surprise a girl! 😉

  184.  #184Smile on July 30, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    I went to sleep all relaxed but I’ve woken up suddenly and feel all panicky and anxious. My heart is racing.

    I think reading the blog and being on fb today has brought up things that i need to heal . Memories I didn’t even new existed. I feel they have been raised to the surface so I can deal with them and heal.

    My subconscious has told me I feel a failure for being the only grandchild in my family not to have their own family yet. I dont even have a boyfriend let alone a bundle of children like all my brothers and cousins. I didn’t know this was an issue to me until I saw my family photos today, only I hadn’t even been invited to the party. Who would have shared my group photo anyway in the garden, it would have just been me all alone 

    At Christmas strumming man didn’t really bother about a present for me. I over functioned and bought myself a new bag, then he said he would give me the money back for it but never did. It pains me to think in the past he spoke of a time when he saved enough to take an ex girlfriend to America to meet his brothers. I didn’t even get a card on valentines day 

    Strumming man never used to pay for anything, he used to pretend on several occasions he had lost his wallet.

    Thank you subconscious for bringing these things to my attention.

    Why did I crave a man who treats me this way

    I don’t want him anymore, I am letting go

    I want a family

  185.  #185Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    I’m still thinking what to tell this guy on fb. I liked his comment lol

  186.  #186bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    starla, thank you : ) i feel validated that you share my anxieties….. & i feel sad that 2 such lovely ladies would find themselves entangled in such imaginary “stress” : )

    pray for me : ) thank you : )))

  187.  #187FlowerChild77 on July 30, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Dancing Siren…I know you’re sleeping already in your part of the world 🙂 but I just wanted to say that I listened to your interview (the one you posted on FB) and you sound lovely! Your voice is very feminine. I enjoyed listening to you speak.

  188.  #188bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    jasmine, i’d say

    “aww now i’m giggling…. yes, a mystery man sounds exciting & delightful : ))”

  189.  #189k2012 on July 30, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    “all of a sudden he’d start calling me his “friend” instead of his “girlfriend.”

    Hi Rori and other ladies. I am new to this message board. I have been receiving Rori’s newsletters for quite some time now. I have found the advice that she gives to be very helpful. I have not tried any of her programmes as yet but boy, I will definitely have to do so very soon. But the newsletters are very helpful.

    I started off quoting you Rori from a previous newsletter in which you used the above phrase. I am in the exact situation you were in as I am facing that situation now.

    My boyfriend and I are involved for one year now. We are in a long distance relationship. I live in the Caribbean and he lives in the U.S. We are of the same caribbean nationality. We were close friends first for many years before we got involved. We lost touch with each other for some time and reconnected last year this time. It was at that point that we got involved. He is in the middle of a divorce right now and has been separated for 3 years this year. When we reconnected he was already separated for 2 years.

    In fact, we started out as co-workers as we worked together for two years and then a close friendship developed.

    When we got involved a year ago, I made sure to ask him WHAT KIND OF RELATIONSHIP HE WANTED. (not shouting, using caps just for emphasis). He said he wanted a long term relationship. I told him I wanted the same.

    The relationship was going well up until this point. Our relationship started out long distance. We message and talk on the phone every day. I visited him 9 months ago. He was supposed to visit me 2 times after that but because of a family emergency and a financial setback, he couldn’t visit until now, this month.

    It was expected that he would stay with me for the most part. He has family in this country as well including his mother. It was expected that he would stay with me although I would certainly expect him to spend a few days with his mum as well. A few days before he came, he told me he would be staying between me and his mother. In other words, some of the time would be spent with me and some with his mother. I really didn’t have a problem with that as i would be one of his bases and his mother lives 3 mins away, so much the better.

    I notice that since arriving in our country to visit me, its like he is passing through. This is the fifth day of the visit and he is hardly here (at my home.) There is luggage that was misplaced by the airline which he has not received. (well up until Friday, not sure if he has received it now.) He left my house on Friday morning (July 27) just after spending the night, to look about it, and he also visited a relative. He visited me on thursday in the day and returned to spend thursday night with me. When he came to my house, he did not carry any luggage which was rather strange because my home was supposed to be one of his bases apart from his mother. It was only one piece of luggage that was misplaced not the 2 pieces which he was allowed to carry.

    When he left my house on Friday morning, he promised to return later on in the day so we could spend some time together.

    The last time we spoke was Friday afternoon. He did not return and did not call to say he wouldn’t be coming for the night. I had gone on the road afterwards, but came back just at night fall so he knew that i went on the road afterwards.

    In fact, he still has not called as I speak. When he was here Thursday night, he called and said to a friend that he was at “one of his girlfriend’s houses.” (dont want to put on caps again but i know you all get the point). I was shocked. I couldn’t believe my ears.

    Over the years since knowing him, he has had a good number of female friends (not friends with benefits but female friends.) In fact, I was a female friend and co-worker before we got involved. So I am shocked to know that I am being described as “one of my girlfriends” instead of his girlfriend.

    We have not seen each other for 9 months so one would have thought that he would want to spend as much time with me as possible. How can he be calling me “one of his girlfriends” at this stage of the relationship. It is obvious that something has changed and if that is so, then the proper thing to do would be to talk to me when he visits.

    Many things are going through my mind such as 1. maybe he met someone else and is afraid to tell me. 2. He realizes that he is not ready for a serious, long term relationship after all.

    Rori and other ladies. I am here guessing. Basically he is not staying here and I have not heard from him since Friday to know what is the true position.

    Rori and other ladies, could u give me some advice as to how I should address this matter? I would be extremely grateful as I am at a loss as to the approach I should take. Anxiously awaiting your response. Thank u so much and sorry for the long post but I had to explain everything.

  190.  #190bloom-ing on July 30, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    (((DancingSiren))) thanks for the hugs : )

  191.  #191Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm


    Oh it’s totally ok with me I just felt related to that comment. 🙂

    However, this guy who I’ve been talking about, I really thought about letting him kiss me, but just having his arm around me one night made me feel so awkward that I never wanted to go out with him ever again. I feel so icky thinking about it.

    But alsoooo I remember I went out with one guy like two years ago and he was so not good looking. And he dressed up so badly. Omg he looked so bad. I felt really disappointed and I didn’t like him AT ALL. It was pretty much a blind date, I just had seen him in pictures and that was the first time we met. But we had been texting each other for a while and I really liked the way he talked to me… so when we left the place, I felt impulsed and kissed him (even though I DIDN’T LIKE HIM) and I loved the way he kissed me. So I started to like him hahahah

    And we dated.


  192.  #192Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    I didn’t get to go to my writer’s conference because my dear friend’s MIL died and she needs me to doggie sit while they go to LA for the funeral. I am so not enjoying being around HS that I came over yesterday even though they don’t leave till Tuesday.
    I am hanging out in the cottage.
    I wasn’t going to say anything about the change of plans until I realized I forgot a bunch of food. I don’t want to spend more money. So I called him and he fell all over himself to bring anything I need over here.
    I told him–in a few days…
    It doesn’t mean anything.

  193.  #193Jessie1000 on July 30, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Just saw my little sons father….met him at the airport because hes taking my son for a month
    (no kids for a month!!! lol im so excited….first time after 14 years)
    My little sons father said…wow, u r gettin a six pack lol
    and saw my real estate book in my car…hes like a spy and said omg when did u decide to do that?
    I told him its almost done, I will have my license in sept. and he was shocked….
    It felt so good…lol im so petty’
    He always told me that without him I was going to be nothing and have nothing good happen to me ….
    Oh well…Ive been gloating since I saw him…
    without any kids….lol even better
    I need a break and Im happy to say that I just cant be a supermom….everyone needs a break sometime

  194.  #194Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    186 – Bloom-ing,

    I really liked the giggling part lol. But if I say “a mystery man sounds delightful” I might be contradicting myself? Because I said , so I’d want to know a little more.

    Mmm can you think of something else? I will use giggling for sure haha

  195.  #195Annie on July 30, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    “Miss says:

    I understand what she is saying about talking to yourself–
    But–do I talk to the man about the feeling? Does the answer to that question depend on whether I intend to leave?
    She seems to say that we process it ourselves and lean way back–and only get back in relationship if the “old” cheater has become a “new man”. And if not–we allow a new and different man in and let the old go completely.
    Does anyone interpret this differently?”

    I believe Rori recommends speaking from the heart in feeling messages and wants and don’t wants after you have processed the jealous feeling in a speech and then walk away and go do something that makes you feel good off your channeling list.

    If he is the right man for you he will pull you back in give you what you want and you will want to chose him.

    Do you think at the moment you are stuffing down?

    I will do my best to try and find the posts.

  196.  #196Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Opps part of my comment didn’t show up.

    I meant I said “don’t ask me out when all I know is your name please..”

  197.  #198Annie on July 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    The above for miss bells.

  198.  #199Smile on July 30, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    I feel like a little fish in a big ocean. I feel like sinking to the sea bed and finding a little cave to hide in. I want to be strong enough to battle through the waves. I feel small and insignificant amongst the Color of the other fish. I feel camouflaged.

  199.  #200Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Bloom-ing – nvm I kept up with the mystery man 🙂

  200.  #201Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 4:12 pm


    158 – At the moment we were watching the proposal video, we were sitting side by side at the computer. I feel intuitively that he was crying because of the pain he caused me over a proposal 3 years ago, altho he tried to cover it.

    I honestly asked myself if I was pushing away this CD, but I don’t think so. I felt turned off and kept the conversation going for a couple of days anyway. His spelling was atrocious, and that in itself is a major turnoff to me from the door.

    Add to that all sorts of sexual talk in the face of me saying I want to get to know someone at the heart level, and the I don’t want to pay stuff, and what’s there to pursue?

  201.  #202blue rose on July 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    #107 Starla

    thanks Starla. That is a lovely and sexy, self assured thing to do. and maybe deep down inside it’s what he really wanted, not the $30 or whatever for the movie. maybe he wanted to feel appreciated.

    i have a looong way to go.

  202.  #203Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Thanks, Smile and Dancing Siren!

  203.  #204MissStix on July 30, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Hi all!

    I have been reading through your comments. I feel a little strange…You are all so very open and honest. I feel like i’m eaves dropping. But, I will write about my day openly and honestly in return.

    I came to my own home today after work. I stopped at His place to pick up a few things. He was still at work. I stayed only as long as it took to get what I needed. I did not text Him. I hand wrote Him a nice note and pinned it to his pillow. I hoped he had a great day, wished him a relaxing evening, and a good sleep. I said I love you, and call me.

    I feel calm and relaxed as I lay here in my own bed. I like making decisions for myself and taking control in my life.

    I only feel tense and anxious when he tells me he wants alone time and asks me to go home. I feel good when I need alone time and decide for myself to come home.

    I feel slightly lonely right now. Not for Him, but for a girlfriend or 2. I lack a close girlfriend to talk to, and hang out with. I have me, and i’m enough, but it would still be nice. I suppose that’s part of why i’m here right now typing this.

    I just felt a gush of love and appreciation for my man. I appreciate that he tells me when he needs time by himself. I appreciate that he is open. I love him as he is. I feel content with being at home right now…I look forward to more frequent “me time”. I understand where he is coming from.

  204.  #205Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Thanks Annie.
    HS has demoted me to roommate in the last few months after 5 years (some stormy) as girlfriend.
    The deal with OW is sexual, but not so emotional. But she does gush on him.
    We live together, he flirts with me, and he has hidden this OW from me and our friends. The only person he has introduced her to is the one friend out of dozens that he never introduced me to–his “double life” pal.
    She was the gf of the tenant in the trailer in back. She was always rude to me and overly friendly to HS. She took her time to sink her hooks in. On purpose. She knew about me. The only thing she had to recommend herself to him was convenience. She has a crappy little job, an old car, and last spring I once got this creepy feeling that she resented me having the big house up front. I think she is a real gold digger. But is thinking with the wrong head. And he has his head so far up her p888y that he can’t see me. I feel invisible.
    When I busted him on this 10 days ago, he said he felt like he was cheating on his wife. I used feeling messages but did not demand he stop.
    He is still hiding her, still lying to me.
    We threw a huge party and it was a great success. I know how popular I am.
    But–there is still a knife in my heart.
    The suggestions in the link will likely work in my situation as well.
    I am getting a great car this week, while I am away dog-sitting.
    I am going to join the local gym. I was about 20 pounds overweight. Now I have lost 10 from losing my appetite.
    I am going to use feeling messages in the moment. I am going to out girl.
    I am going to concentrate on me.
    He has never cheated like this before–but he has run me off and then dragged me back in several times,
    I am waiting for his head to spin back around before I give my speech. It wouldn’t even register right now.

  205.  #206Olympia on July 30, 2012 at 4:42 pm


    I feel so happy and relieved that I found this site. I wanted to introduce myself and say hello since it has been so helpful to read these blog posts and comments. I have learned a lot of lessons from the past men that I have been with, and the last one was a doozy, but also motivated me to make changes and love myself, so for that I have to be faithful. He was twice my age (60), a widower, and I was overfunctioning to the extreme. I gave and did everything I could do to try to create stability in his feelings for me. Now that some months have passed, I have been on a quest to get to know myself, do the things that make me feel good inside.

    I have been making baby steps towards online dating, but I still want to make myself feel good first. The other day I was feeling like I had a glowing ball of warmth in my chest, and that anyone who was around me would feel how special and wonderful I am, but it’s so easy to get tripped up! I found out that my ex’s ex-girlfriend just got married and I felt like a crumpled piece of paper. I want to break the habit of comparing myself to other people because I know I’m on my own path, but it’s hard!

    I think that I need to start actually dating, because I’ve been practicing using the tools around my guy friends (a few of whom I like only platonically but there are a couple I would love to date!) Unfortunately, I could tell that it really does make a difference, but only on the guys that I am less attracted to! I have been leaning forward too much I think, initiating contact with a couple when I know I should just lean back and let the new me radiate on them, but I’m impatient! I just feel so ready to be loved by a kind, giving man.

    There is a lot to learn here! Thank you for your gifts!


  206.  #207Dominique on July 30, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    bloom-ing – #172 – Playing the what if game will get you into trouble most every time. Try being right here, right now, enjoying each and every moment instead of wondering, what if…..

    K and I have never fought, and there has only been tension between us less then a handful of times. I have never felt bored with him.


  207.  #208Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    He walked out on my Bday. And we weren’t fighting. Except the one he picked on purpose. He picked the fight to try to justify this totally unacceptable behavior.
    The next day he came up behind me when I was working with a client and said “I’m going to the store–What are WE having for dinner tonight?” It is crazy making.
    If he is so clear that I am the house mate and his “friend” there would be no need to avoid my birthday and be a d*ck head. And no need to hide OW.
    It is clear that he is not clear.
    So my only choice is to “work the program” and see what happens.

  208.  #209Rori Raye on July 30, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Blue Rose – You did GREAT!!! So forthright, and you learned SO much – the part of you that was all shut down around this, and couldn’t bring yourself to talk to him about your discomfort…Love, Rori

  209.  #210Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Sometimes when I see pictures of new men and read what they write, I feel scared. It’s about the danger in the stranger. I feel safer with people I know. I feel vulnerable as a single woman.

  210.  #211Rori Raye on July 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    blooming – Thank you so much for this gorgeous poetry! Love, Rori

  211.  #212Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    So–there are a couple of nice men in the over fifty singles meetup I created and am the leader of.
    And a couple from online.
    a couple are actually promising.
    After I get the car I intend to CD openly.
    Then we shall see how things really stand with HS.
    According to Rori this is THE most effective test.
    I was afraid it wasn’t fair to the other men, but now I understand that as long as i show up with an open heart it is fine.

  212.  #213Rori Raye on July 30, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    k2012 – What has to happen here is for you to get my ebook, use the “Translations” and Feeling Messages – and put together a “speech” of everything you’ve said to us here, making it very short, and allowing spaces for him to speak. It’s important for everyone to know exactly where things are at all times – so you can know the truth and feel comfortable. And he’s clearly stating that you are NOT exclusive – so get out there and Circular Date!!! Love, Rori

  213.  #214Rori Raye on July 30, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Olympia – online dating is a major part of this – and it’s worth you putting some serious BOY effort into. Then there’s and all kinds of places in your neighborhood where there are men. Find them and practice. Targeting Mr. Right is my program for all of this…

  214.  #215MissStix on July 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Just got a very nice text from my guy…Thanked me for my “sweet note” and will call me when hus free minutes kick in.

    Feeling very, very good about making this decision for myself.

    Couple promises i’ve made myself in recent weeks…
    I will do what’s right for me at all times. I will trust that what feels good to me is right, and what feels bad is not. I will express CLEARLY, and (as always) without blame what is or isn’t right for me. I will take action to enforce my decisions.
    I will not passively allow something to happen if it feels wrong. I will not go into “complaining mode”.

    My biggest struggles.

  215.  #216Linda on July 30, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    I am inspired by the post from Rori… Thanks Rori!

    I have read thru the thread. Love the girls chattin’

    #19 Jasmine said…””I can’t let go of the thought that he will come back to me and acknowledge all of the things he’s done wrong. Nobody can be so emotionless. I just can’t think anybody can go through life like that “”

    Yes they can, it happens all the time. Their brains are wired differently than ours our. Sadly it has been experience that men have the capacity to not only not acknowledge things that were done wrong but flip it so they not only can justify behaviors but their unappolgetic living as well ! For example: I had a man tell me that his last wife had the police come and remove him from the house and all he could grab was his shoes, the clothes on his back and his computer that was by the door. awwwwhhhh I did feel shocked at that and offered my sympathy to him. He said, “she was such a controlling bit#h…took him 2 years to get his things from her and even then she kept some of his stuff”. So he painted himself the victim of this terrible woman….. Well the truth came out later bit by bit thru his own mouth that …he should have never married her and he did not ever lover her, but was on depression meds and was easily lead and manipulated…(gave himself an out for not keeping his word becaue he was on meds) hmmmm…he told her he did not love her (after knowing him and his daily behavior that was probably the straw that broke the camels thin back because she was enduring all of he lazy, disengaged, etc etc behavior)…. and when she discovered that he was dating websites … then the next day the
    police showed up and removed him from the premises…

    So in his mind he was wrongfully thrown from his own home by the controlling bit*h he was married to, seeking my sympathy, when in reality he was cheating on her and and trying to meet other women while he was still married to her (honestly I would have done the same thing or worse!) So… has twisted his place in the story (wrongly) so he can justify himself and his place in the story.

    My point is… If you are like me or I was, (and I did this for a long time), I just wanted a simple acknowledgement of wrongs, or appolgies that never came and I gave my own chance to move on and healh away to the person that has wronged me. It just kept me tied and stuck to all that bad stuff. It is a type of validation and closure seeking. There stuff is out of our control… I can only do my stuff and I dont want to give them any powere over me.

    I had someone suggest that I “reframe” my story today. Instead of me telling or re-living my story focused on identifying all the bad things in it… I am going to reframe them positively. It feels like a good path to take for me and if feels like freedom to me.

    I particularly love this one thing Rori wrote and am putting my name in it today…

    I, Linda, am fully equipped to release any condition that is no longer appropriate in my life…it is safe for me to do this now, ( am adding this to make it fully mine)….because I love and respect me !

  216.  #217Daria on July 30, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I’m feeling smily writing this and soft

    Yay I had sex. It felt nice . With fave Cd 🙂

    Feeling pleasant and lovely now

  217.  #218Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    Awww I was just watching A Walk To Remember (old movie yeah).

    My heart feels so warm. Movies like this lift up my spirit. I feel so happy and motivated… especially when I heard this quote

    “Love is always patient and kind
    it is never jealous
    Love is never boastful nor conceded
    it is never rude or selfish
    It does not take offense
    it is not resentful”

    Awww… I feel too much peace. I am so ready for love. It’s such a beautiful feeling.

  218.  #219Vi on July 30, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    here we go. as a result of cding i have a bunch of nice guys talking and writing to me (i tell them i am married and it would feel good to make some friends in the area and practice my english) .. and i notice since i have so many nice contacts out there I feel anger and resentment at M (my husb.). I know he is not relevant and that i am being angry at me as i feel how invested i am .. i have never felt like that and it feels uncomfortable and i feel sad in his presence and it feels painful … and he does HIS best to make me feel happy .. and i feel it and i don’t feel the way he would like me to feel .. and i feel guilt and shame that i feel this way with him … and i feel completely shut down .. and i feel an urge to “resolve” all that … i feel afraid … i feel curious what if i just live with it for a while … omg .. there is so much in me to embrace.. and love and .. hug! : )

  219.  #220Vi on July 30, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    and i feel loved by the way! and i feel turned off! *feeling curious* .. and giggly : )

  220.  #221Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Silly Q department–
    If I stay, how do I out-girl the intruder?
    If I leave, do I say something? Move while he is out and leave a note?
    I know it is hard to believe, but we still have a peaceful home life. I am not sure if he will understand my exit.
    I was thinking of staying just long enough for boot camp to make me look great.
    One more thing–when I moved back in 6 months ago was when he shut me out sexually. I had made it clear I am not into friends with bennies, and he was/is still unwilling to commit. So, I moved across the hall. But–I also let him know I was not at all cool with him “dating” i.e. banging someone else, no matter what you call it.
    If he weren’t hiding the whole thing from me I would think that he genuinely believes what he is doing is OK and should have no bearing on me.

  221.  #222Starla on July 30, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    I still miss CF, I want him out of my head.

  222.  #223Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 6:39 pm


    222 – It happens lady

  223.  #224Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 6:45 pm


    216 – I really liked this post :=)

    It is all so true. They flip things to their convenience.

    Right now I am working on nurturing myself with my own self. I’m working on not worrying about him anymore. And I feel so inspired to make myself a better version of me.

    I can only get better 🙂

    This is good. And I’m going out tonight.

    I feel pretty.

  224.  #225Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    218 – Instead of conceded I meant conceited.

    Bad google spelling.

  225.  #226Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Miss Bells,

    I can see clearly how hurtful your situation is. Mine isn’t as extreme, but emotionally, I am staying in a comparable situation with R, where he is clearly saying I am just a friend. Crumb taking.

    I don’t have the guts to walk away.

  226.  #227Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    If we had always just been friends it wouldn’t be crumbs.
    He is involved with me–he is just f***ed up. And–he is still giving me double messages.
    I wish I truly understood what is happening here.
    My friends are so p*ssed at him they can’t be objective.

  227.  #228blue rose on July 30, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    #209: Rori Raye

    🙂 thank you Rori. That means a lot.

  228.  #229Daria on July 30, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Wow I felt triggered at times…

    I was so lost and far from… I am a Goddess I deserve to be worshipped

    And I could tell he could HEAR EVERY THOUGHT IN MY HEAD

    And it felt challenging to stay w thoughts focused on me receiving and feeling all about me

    A few times I got angry and didn’t take it out on him at all

    What RORi wrote in an article about how he turns me on and therefore I feel ‘weak’ and actually feel angry and blaming of him for this hehe

    Got me back in touch w what was going on for me

    And I love having my car door opened everytime now

    Not only for the gesture, but that it keeps me aligned w ‘He’s leading’


    Yay it felt good and I had nice receiving sex a d pleasured him in the way that felt good to me and I feel lovely

    And a bit lonely now as I’d like to go out

  229.  #230R.N.AmazingMe on July 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    hello sirens!! Glad to see u all, i am having trouble sleeping….Had an interview at a closer psych hospital and I belive it went well so 2 jobs now,yayyyyy

  230.  #231k2012 on July 30, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    “It’s important for everyone to know exactly where things are at all times – so you can know the truth and feel comfortable. ”

    Well, well, Rori this part hit me like a ton of bricks. I want to tell you something. Someone told me the exact same thing about a week ago that her boyfriend does. Every once in a while, she says her boyfriend asks her if everything is okay with them as he cannot assume. So if there is anything he needs to know or if anything has changed, he needs to know right away. He says he has to ask.

    We just spoke about it again tonight and I told her to tell her boyfriend that I am definitely going to adapt this strategy with the next guy. (Don’t know if my boyfriend has abandoned me so I have to think this way, so i say with the NEXT guy).

    I just said that it seems like every once in a while, I will have to ask that question so as to make sure we are both on the same page. Excellent advice. Real good strategy. I will certainly use this. I also take the point about not being exclusive. IF he calls before returning to the U.S.,I am planning to just speak calmly to him and if he comes back to visit me, then i will talk to him about the matter. I am not talking to him about it over the phone.

    How can I get your e-book with the areas you suggest i read? I will definitely have to buy it now. Thanks for your advice.

  231.  #232Starla on July 30, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    the really hot guy is contacting me tonight and is so sweet and sincere and it feels so hard for me to receive from him

    i feel unworthy

    i would really really really like to heal this

    and i think it will be okay as long as i keep circular dating and treat them all equally.

  232.  #233Butterfly Wings on July 30, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    Hi everyone. Phew what an emotional morning…

    We finally had our talk and TH told me that despite the fact that what I’ve put him through over the last year has been due to the side effects of BCP, he just doesn’t want to deal with it anymore and wants to take a step back.

    His idea of stepping back is go to back to dating (ie. no more relationship). I obviously wasn’t happy with that and said I want to be with somebody who is prepared to support me though tough times and he insisted that he would still be there – as my friend. Ick.

    So no. That’s not something I’m prepared to accept and I told him as much.

    So after a lot of talking I suggested that we give it two months, and if things aren’t any better by then, at least we know for sure and can go our separate ways.

    I really didn’t want to become the “convincer” but I didn’t want to throw the last 2.5 years away either. And giving it another month or two will allow the effects of the BCP to reduce and hopefully we will see the changes in time…

    So he’s thinking about that suggestion right now. Yay… kept hanging again…

    I’m letting him have his space to think though, and hopefully he’ll see what he will lose if he takes that step back.

    I hope you’re all having a better day than I am.


  233.  #234Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    I just had a great time with my friend!!

    Tomorrow we’ll go to my favorite place for lunch and then to the pool.

    I feel so excited. And good.

  234.  #235Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    I wanna watch a movie to keep lifting up my spirit.

    I’m such in a good mood!!

    This feels awesome.

    What movie tho? I don’t know…

  235.  #236MissStix on July 30, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    You are worthy of all your hopes and dreams!

    I don’t know how to help you with words…I’ve been there. You just have to forgive yourself for believing you are anything less than amazing. Truely forgive yourself. Forgive anyone you feel you need to.

    Go ahead and be amazing! Let go, relax, laugh, love and always put yourself first! There is no shame in it. Only beauty.

    Don’t know how else to explain a transformation in self esteem…

  236.  #237MissStix on July 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm


    dirty dancing is a fave of mine!

  237.  #238Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    I feel too weak to break away from R, and yet here I am taking crumbs as a friend. I feel miserable. I can’t live without him. Yet I am losing my personal power by staying his friend.

  238.  #239Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm


    237 – Mine too! And Ever After, Never Been Kissed, Working Girl, 7 Days, 7 Nights, and so many others!

  239.  #240Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 9:20 pm


    Is that a movie? I’ve never heard of it. I might just google it 🙂

  240.  #241Jasmine on July 30, 2012 at 9:21 pm


    238 – LOTS of hugs to you!!!

  241.  #242Vi on July 30, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    happy new boundaries to me! (((((((((((((Vi)))))))))))))))

  242.  #243Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 9:23 pm

    My whole bent for three years was to get emotionally healthy enough to where I was a magnet, not a repellent. Now I feel emotionally healthy, but I guess I have been too joanie on the spot and he just isn’t attracted.

    To walk away on my own is the opposite of what I want to do. I know it’s what I need to do if I ever want to be more than a friend. But I don’t have the strength. I feel pathetic about that. I feel weak. I don’t want to be just his friend. Yet I don’t want him out of my life.

    He is my closest friend. I feel connected with him as I have never felt connected with another man. How, how, how can I walk away?

  243.  #244Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    238: ((((Rad-Love))))If you don’t live with him –tell him what you told us–in feeling messages–and then don’t pick up when he calls.
    It takes boundaries–and support from others. Come here and process it out. Call girlfriends.
    You can do it!!!
    In my little drama, I can’t physically move YET.

  244.  #245Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 9:31 pm


    233 – I feel so sad with you! I know this is so painful for you!

    I just followed your example and suggested to R that we step back for one month (not two) and decide from there if we will continue our friendship.

    I am so sorry! I love you!

  245.  #246Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    The way to avoid crumb-taking and still be in his presence (for now) is by getting tons from myself and others, so I have no time for him. So I can sweetly turn him down when he decides to bestow his largess on me. So that GETTING MY attention for the length of a netflix is a special occasion for HIM, not me.
    He is bopping a woman who was with the trailer guy six weeks ago–with two weeks in between. She does not have a lot to commend her. Her ex–our trailer tenant, says they broke up because she is made of ice inside and is damaged emotionally.
    If i stick to my plan, things may turn around. If they don’t, I will have more time to transition to a new house.
    My dance card really WILL be filled without him. If I start dating openly he might feel differently. You never know–he has not felt another man’s presence since we’ve been together. If not–I will still be ahead of the game.
    If that doesn’t grab him, nothing will, and I will just waste more time.
    And I may meet a much better man. You never know…

  246.  #247MissStix on July 30, 2012 at 9:39 pm

    Good for you Radlove!!

    Take some time for you. It may be hard but being in an un-equal relationship is so terribly hard too.

  247.  #248Radlove on July 30, 2012 at 9:40 pm

    Miss Bells,

    244 – Thanks! He readily agreed to one month of no contact. I feel better about it. Better than continuing when I am so in love with him, and better than breaking it off completely.

    This gives me back my personal power, yet I still have something to look forward to. Ouch, this is hard.

  248.  #249Miss Bells on July 30, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Just keep talking to us, not him. It is hard to maintain no contact.
    When you get an urge–call a pal or post something. Like quitting cigs.

  249.  #250P-lala on July 30, 2012 at 9:49 pm


  250.  #251P-lala on July 30, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    I just got home from an amazing day at Elitch Gardens (a local amusement park) where I felt:
    cared for
    twisted and tuned
    embraced and

    Wow, it was a great day, even the part where I was calling myself a loser when my “check engine” light came on in the car. I’m pretty sure that it’s because I need engine coolant…I’ve not been good about keeping on top of that stuff. K will check out my car tomorrow to see what is really wrong…I will not let the NVs get the best of me.

    Hope you’ve all loved yourself well today….I’ll be back after an epsom salt bath and a good night’s sleep.

  251.  #252Daria on July 30, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    im feeling pooped now and glad to get ready to rest again

  252.  #253Daria on July 30, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    ive been feelin glad for my new tools – affirmations of

    “men respect my time”

    and “men respect my money”

    reminding myself of the first helped me answer messages and check my voicemails when i feel overwhelmed and pressured and obligated…

    they will respect my time when i dont get back to them

    a lot of the ‘guilt’ ‘fear’ that they will ‘feel offended and leave’ cleared up with this reminder that thy respect my time

  253.  #254Tereana on July 30, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    Halloooooo sirens!

    It has been a very long time, and tonight, I just wanted to check into the blog before I went to sleep.

    I love Rori’s affirmations!

    It felt so good to read them, and to put my name in place of hers, and just see what that was like.

    Lately I have been getting really busy with work, and have had a lot of exercise in how to go easier on myself so that I don’t get over-exhausted.

    Men, and money and good things keep coming toward me. Several men/CDs from my past have contacted me recently. And I received their communications with a lot of equanimity.

    I notice that observing my own boundaries is always becoming easier. Feeling and talking about my feelings is becoming easier, too. Noticing and accepting What Is feels more natural. And doing what feels right to me, in spite of others’ opinions or expectations feels more and more like the best choice.

    I know I am on the right path. Even though I don’t know if my partner is in my life right now, I know that he is, because I can feel it. And if I can feel it, them I know it’s true. And there he is – he’s right there! All I need to do is have faith that it’s true, even though I don’t know what it looks like right now….

    And since I have faith, too, about my business, and in myself, to succeed and do the work that I need to get there, I now have a goal and an intention to own and purchase a brand new Mini Cooper (in a light blue-green color) by the end of the year. I can totally make this happen! No, better yet, I can receive this happening! It feels do good and exciting already. I can literally smell the New Car smell and feel my hands on the steering wheel. I know what the car feels like all around me, and how the gas pedal responds under my feet. I know how great it feels, too, to have the sense of accomishment, that in a very short (relatively) time, I’ve been able to manifest so many things that I need and desire, thaty business has responded so psotively to my work, and intention, that I can support myself, pay down my balances, AND let this new car into my life. I can’t wait!!!!


    Hope all sirens are feeling lovely!!

  254.  #255Butterfly Wings on July 31, 2012 at 12:14 am

    (((Radlove))). Yep it’s hard, but cutting all contact is going to be a lot easier than remaining friends, especially because you feel so strongly about him. I’m feeling the same about TH.

    Have you thought about trying to convince yourself that CDing is about finding some more R’s out there? I’m sure there ARE more R’s, but because you’re only focused on that one, you’re not open to meeting the others.

    What do you think? xxx

  255.  #256Butterfly Wings on July 31, 2012 at 12:20 am

    TH has decided he doesn’t want to give this one or two months, but still wants to go back to “BR” (before the relationship).

    Here’s the gist about how I replied to that one:

    “I cannot understand how going back to “dating” is going to fix anything. It would feel better if you just chose to stay at your place a few nights a week instead, to get some space. But if no longer being in a relationship with me is what you want, then I have to accept your decision.

    I still love you and think the world of you, but just cannot face being stuck in the middle of a not relationship and an actual relationship again.

    Especially not now. What I need now is stability and security. I won’t get that with what you’re proposing.”

    I’m not sure how sireny that response was, but it’s true that I cannot face being in limbo with him again. Either we are in a relationship, or we’re not. And if he chooses to end the relationship (which is kind of what he’s done – although he’s still here), then he loses me completely. He doesn’t still get the perks of a p/t girlfriend.

    I know he still cares deeply about me, but obviously not enough to give this a go, considering all of my emotional issues were out of my control and will rectify themselves once the hormones leave my system. Darn that BCP! 🙁

  256.  #257Smile on July 31, 2012 at 12:20 am

    Jasmine- 218

    This quote is from the bible. I have just funnily enough laminated two copies for the readers at my friends wedding on Friday. I suggested it to her when she was looking fir her reading. Its a verse i shared with strumming man when we were going through a tough time emotionally together.

    I shall think of you receiving all this love as it is read out during the ceremony on Friday.

  257.  #258Smile on July 31, 2012 at 12:29 am

    Jasmine- 240

    have you never heard of dirty dancing? I seriously hope you get to watch it! In England it’s probably been watched at least 10 times by every person lol! Definitely get hold of it! It has some fab sound tracks too! I was dancing to one in a club on Friday with my girl friends.

  258.  #259ruth on July 31, 2012 at 12:39 am

    Butterfly Wings, what you said to TH feels authentic to me
    You spoke your truth and you set your boundaries

  259.  #260Ella on July 31, 2012 at 1:09 am

    Hey Radlove,

    Regardisng your CD tha u were posting about…

    Ok, for me, the way a man spells has NOTHING to do with how he will treat me and his cope for taking care of me and responding to my emotions. And in fact many people these days are recognised as dyslexic and they can’t spell AND they are really intelligent. Just something to think about as I used to feel the same way pre-Rori, until I dated an amazing man who can’t spell.

    Regarding the sex talk, ok yeah, pretty icky feeling, although men are sexual beings and its also kind of flattering that they want us so much right? Nevertheless it turned you off. I have noticed this one seems to come up quite a lot for you, maybe something to work through here?

    Regarding paying, from what you posted, it looked to me like he changed his stance and was willing to pay.

    Just some stuff to think about in general.


  260.  #261Dancing Siren on July 31, 2012 at 1:12 am

    Ok, I have had my coffee and dippy eggs.

    Now going to get ready for my first client.

    And then the pub :-/

    Then another client and then back here for a mini break/rest before Zumba tonight…

    This is my last busy week halleluja.

  261.  #262Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 2:37 am

    (((((((((((((Butterfly Wings))))))))))))))))))

    RadLove I believe you have the guts to walk away. You have done it before, though short term. You just keep talking yourself out of it.

    Today it just seems like all the exclusive situations are falling apar.

  262.  #263Butterfly Wings on July 31, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Thanks FW… I told my daughter tonight. She cried and said she didn’t want us to break up.

    He’s now saying I was being hasty (he actually said he wanted to break up etc) and was still thinking about it… huh?

    I have no idea how that man’s mind works. Anyway, he asked for some space and I’m now giving it to him…

  263.  #264Annie on July 31, 2012 at 4:14 am

    Miss bells another post. on cheating.

    Feel unsure if this applies in your situation.
    If you both have not agreed to sexual exclusivity.

  264.  #265Goldenflower on July 31, 2012 at 4:29 am

    Thankyou for these Rori, so useful and I believe affirmations really do work.

    It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied.

    It’s safe to be all that I am
    There’s plenty of time for you to be, do and have everything you’ve ever wanted
    I forgive myself now for even thinking I’ve ever done anything wrong.
    I am willing to receive a man who really loves me –
    I am willing to receive all of the love coming to me now.

    I had a successful date on saturday with BM :))).
    I asked him out by msg, in order to find out if he was interested. I just dropped a casual- do you fancy a drink into a message. And he responded right away and wanted to meet me that night. So in no time we were on a date. I know it is initiating but a male pal told me I should just do it, and I felt strongly that I wanted to know if he was interested so I could move on if not. It’s not like he was on a dating site, or that we were likely to bump into each other again soon. I just felt that I wanted to stop wondering about him.

    The date was wonderful, he treated it like a proper date and paid for all the drinks, the club, the cloakroom, without any question. He introduced me to his uncle who was playing a gig and some of his friends who were also at the gig.
    We had an amzing adventure together and had so much fun, and chemistry was certainly there. I feel bubbly about it. Lots of amazing kissing.

    One question I have is that he wanted to high five me a couple of times after we had danced, and after we left the club etc. I kinda refused on the second occasion, I told him I just wanted to be a girl and held his hand.
    How do people feel about the high five thing???, is it too much like saying you are a buddy, or is it a useful way of bonding with a man? I felt it wasnt very feminine energy so I stopped it.

    Next question: he has texted and wants to meet again. I said Wed or Fri and he said: he cd think of lots of activities for an intrepid duo on either night, to let him know my predilications/ movements. (he’s very wordy and witty) I havent properly replied yet as I need to script out a way to get him to lead where we go.
    I am thinking of a witty list of my general tastes and then … surprise me, I am happy wherever we go.

    What do sirens think?
    I am also meeting a second CD this week, so i keep in balance.

  265.  #266Annie on July 31, 2012 at 4:31 am

    “A man who cheats on a woman is unlikely to be faithful to that woman forever.

    The reason for this is that there is something unfulfilling at the core of this relationship and the cheating is/was a symptom of that core mismatch.”

    This is the bit that stands out to me.
    And where doing Roris Commitment blueprint.
    Circular dating,
    and Dr Margaret Pauls inner bonding to help process all the stuff that comes up has helped reconnect me with my core/soul and reverse the energy exchange and dynamic of all my relationships.

    Still revert back on and off, but is getting less and less.

  266.  #267Annie on July 31, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Tam says.

    “And always the men make the women out to be a little mad – every single time. And I am just not buying that anymore, a man who says it’s all the ex’s fault has not worked through his own stuff, ”

    It doesn’t ever feel good to me when I hear stuff like this.
    This is what Orna and Mathew Walters have to say about stuff like this.

    When we become concerned with how other people are talking about us, or attempting to “brain wash” others against us we are involved in a losing battle.

    What your boyfriend’s ex-wife says and does is quite frankly none of your business and not any of his business either. A relationship with his children is all that is really all he needs to be concerned with.

    With some tender tough love we want to encourage you to disengage from the conversation if your boyfriend brings up what his ex-wife may be saying or doing, particularly when it is about you and his relationship with you. There is absolutely no reason for you to even know about it.

    Additionally, if this man is the good man that you say he is, and the commitment, connection, and conversation is good with him then there is no problem between the two of you unless the two of you allow it.

    Create your own relationship with his children – one based in respect and kindness.

    We also encourage you to NEVER speak a negative word about his children’s mother, to him or to the children. If your boyfriend speaks negatively of her to you, you can request that he not do so, or simply respond in such a way as to not engage as in, “I hear you.” Or, “I can see how you feel like that.”

    Stay out of their relationship altogether, it won’t do you any good and will only cause problems in your relationship. Focus on creating a positive relationship based on goals and dreams for the future.

    As Marci Shimoff shared during our Love On Purpose Revolution sessions, positive thoughts in our brain are like Teflon and negative thoughts are like Velcro. Take the time to focus on POSITIVE things in your relationship. Be grateful for being in relationship with this wonderful man that you say you are connected to and love.

    Do not concern yourself with the actions and words of those you have zero control over (which is everyone except yourself). Leave the judgment and criticism to others because how they behave will be a reflection of who they are, not of you. Trust that you will be seen as who you truly are because you are showing up as your highest and best self.

  267.  #268Goldenflower on July 31, 2012 at 6:16 am

    “Do not concern yourself with the actions and words of those you have zero control over (which is everyone except yourself). Leave the judgment and criticism to others because how they behave will be a reflection of who they are, not of you. Trust that you will be seen as who you truly are because you are showing up as your highest and best self.”

    I really love this idea. Show up as your highest and best self!!! Yes, this feels like the right mantra for all days. Holding my heart and loving me. I can feel a tug to my bridge when I have doubts about my own ability to Cd without pinning all hopes onto one man. I hold my own heart and trust myself, I trust myself. I feel love for myself, for my heart. I am strong and can take care of myself always, I have proven this already and I no longer have to prove it either to myself or to others. It is safe to just know I can take care of myself, and take care or any emotions I feel and feel them all myself. I feel trust in my proven record of caring for myself. I feel happy in the present moment. I feel the present moment. When i feel scared that my intense feelings for a Cd may overwhelm me then I can simply feel them and hold my own heart. I love myself beyond any other person. I care for myself as my own best friend.
    I feel good expressing this.

  268.  #269Goldenflower on July 31, 2012 at 6:28 am

    I have an issue I would invite any insight on. From the ebook and targetting mr right, I recall Rori suggests we make a boundary for how far we will go sexually then stop.
    I am very much in the camp of waiting as long as possible to have sex. And I do have amazing self control.

    However I struggle so much with the hormones/ chemical reaction my body has, is it oxytocin? It takes me a long time to return to normal control after kissing/ fooling around with a guy I really like. It seems like it would even be easier to deal with my own frustration by not even doing more than kissing, and always being in a date situation, rather than at someone’s house.

    The main issue i found with last guy I dated was that even though i gave him the speech about waiting til i felt comfortable, taking things slow. The hormones were still triggered anyway and i/ we couldnt have a normal conversation , all we were doing was making out anyway. So I was too distracted by this myself physically to fully see how his character panned out and to find out if i trusted him. So the going slower thing didnt really work out.

    And yet for me the problem is that I absolutely can’t have sex with a man i like, without me falling for him. So I’m not sure how/ where to make the best boundary line. And here comes a test of it very soon.

  269.  #270Jilly on July 31, 2012 at 6:31 am

    Rori…I just LOVE these affirmations…beautiful 🙂

  270.  #271Jilly on July 31, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Rugby Man and I went camping this weekend and I feel super refreshed. We slept by the river, and I could hear it all night…it felt so soothing and peaceful.

    I recently learned that we feel so peaceful by water because of it’s negative ions. Like after it’s just rained or by a waterfall or river, lake and ocean. It balances our energy…

    I want to live by the water now 🙂

  271.  #272ruth on July 31, 2012 at 6:56 am

    Do not concern yourself with the actions and words of those you have zero control over (which is everyone except yourself). Leave the judgment and criticism to others because how they behave will be a reflection of who they are, not of you. Trust that you will be seen as who you truly are because you are showing up as your highest and best self.

    Wow thats fantastic!

  272.  #273Linda on July 31, 2012 at 7:00 am

    I was thinking this morning about my experience with the last CD. THe one that came on so hot and heavy the first week we met and was so crude and vulgar at times.

    I am not actually thinking about him but thinking about me. This Is me Re-framing my experience with him. Yeah!

    I am so happy that I stayed on my bridge with him buzzin around me.
    I am so really happy that I did not go against my gut feelings about him.
    I feel perceptive and rational again ! It all felt off…. I picked up on his neediness. His flattery was over the top and sexual.
    I stayed connected to my feelings when I was with him, but was able to just be me! I remained present and in the moment with him.
    I had a feeling that he would poof and I was right. I am happy that I could perceive/feel that too.

    I am so happy that I dont feel rejected becasue he poofed. That shows that I am loving myself better and have grown.

    This is my reframing…. that experience way different that I used to do.

  273.  #274Linda on July 31, 2012 at 7:02 am

    Ahhhh Jilly… I did not know that !!!!. I am so drawn to water, it is positively shocking to me. I want to sell my house and move somewhere by the water, just so I can walk out my back door and sit by it all the time.

    I need it! My midnight swim the other night was just heavenly!

  274.  #275Annie on July 31, 2012 at 7:02 am

    “Starla says:”

    I thought we were talking about separated, not yet divorced men.

    Divorced men are of course available. They’re not married, lol.

    I never mentioned divorced men in the unavailable category.
    I feel positive that would depend on the individual man as with all single men. A divorced man is single again.

    Where as ALL MARRIED and ALL SEPARATED men are unavailable for a real relationship with another woman whilst they are still married and separated men are still married.
    Even if they have decided there is no chance of reconciliation until those divorce papers are signed they are in the unavailable category.

    It is none of my business what others want.
    If they want an unavailable man that is up to them and their life choice.
    I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I don’t want any man that is unavailable.

  275.  #276Linda on July 31, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Daria I was looking for the thread and comment you made about what you said to a man who was wanting to have sex with that evening and you were not feeling like that is what you wanted to do.

    I really need to re-read that but cant find it.

    I do wish that I had said what you wrote instead of what I said. Could you tell me where it is or re-write it?

  276.  #277Jilly on July 31, 2012 at 7:10 am

    Linda…I know, right!! 🙂 Me too!!! I have always felt amazing when I’m on/by the water…

    oooohhhh…a midnight swim would feel magical!! I feel smiley reading that!! 🙂

  277.  #278Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 7:12 am

    I feel so angry and stopped up!

    so, remember all that stuff I was talking about yesterday with Jack CD? How I’ve been shutting down and freezing out?

    well, guess who’s there? happy and receptive and feeling?

    So-called friend.

    she was feeling really sad on that night that I was freezing out, and he went straight to her.

    and she told me about it, (she hasn’t told him) and I can totally understand why she’s sad, and heck, I feel sad for her.

    and she was talking to me about how she likes this other guy, but she was following Jack CD around all night like a lost puppy dog. giggly needy and affirming and adorable.

    and i just felt weird…and scared…and was just trying to breathe in and out.

    and I feel like I’m spiraling right back into that horrible place I was in a few months ago.

    and the sick thing is that I actually talked to him about the way he was acting that was not coming across in a very good way.

    and I did it so respectfully and used feeling messages and told him how wonderful I thought he was, because I do think he’s wonderful.

    and he totally stepped up and became more authentic and wonderful then ever.

    which she noticed, of course…

    and now she’s in this deliciously vulnerable place where she needs him, and she leans forward, and he likes that, especially since he’s not getting what he wants or needs from me, but is feeling my frustration and fear and anger and confusion, I’m sure,

    and I just feel so angry and frustrated at myself and at her (even though she really does need comfort and sympathy at this point in her life)

    and I feel so guilty and so scared.

    like she is going to just feel and fall apart in front of him…and he’ll be there to comfort her…and they’ll connect on this really deep emotional level…

    and I’ll be over here like a stopped up idiot…

    and she’ll feel guilty knowing my feelings for him, but what will she care?

    She’ll have him, she’ll have his masculine comfort in her time of difficult, and I’ll just have to deal and move on and feel lonely and start over all over again…

    I feel such sadness and despair and I feel stupid.

  278.  #279Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 7:16 am

    I read this

    and felt so unbelievably triggered and out of control.

    so what I have to do is get happy! but I don’t feel happy, i feel insecure and jealous.

    and worried about this new job I’m trying to get.

    and angry at myself and angry at the system and the errors that are causing a delay in the system….

    and angry at so-called friend,

    and guilty with myself because she really is going through a hard time…

    and so confused and scared of losing Jack CD…again…I’ve barely had him back!

    I feel like a good punching bag session…but I don’t have one and I don’t know where one is without an expensive gym membership that I can’t afford right now!

  279.  #280Goldenflower on July 31, 2012 at 7:21 am

    273: Linda
    Yay! 🙂

    Inspired by this I think I shall reframe my CD experiences thus far too.

    I am taking my time to get to know and trust someone.
    I am keeping my options open.
    I am letting each Cd be a lesson for myself in how to feel and be open and honest about feelings. I am welcoming love to my life.
    I am receiving love from others to my highest and best self.
    I am allowing my feminine girl energy to be free and to feel and to receive.

  280.  #281Annie on July 31, 2012 at 7:22 am


    “And yet for me the problem is that I absolutely can’t have sex with a man i like, without me falling for him. So I’m not sure how/ where to make the best boundary line. And here comes a test of it very soon.”

    I don’t believe there are many women who can Goldenflower yes due to oxytocin which will bond you to that man.
    And many women get bonded to a a bad core match for them.

    I don’t want to get bonded to the wrong man for me . I only want to be bonded to the right man for me who has proven consistently that he cares for my heart with his actions matching his words and is offering me what I want and can meet my core needs.
    And we don’t really know anyone until we have has conflict with them.
    How do they behave in conflict with us and others?
    If we aren’t able to solve conflict and find resolution we are not able to be in a real true loving relationship with them.

    What are your core needs and wants?
    Does he want what you want?
    Are you a good core soul match?
    Is he able and available want to and offering to give you what you want?

  281.  #282Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 7:25 am

    I still give her advice. I’m older. she’s my friend. what the stink else am I supposed to do? I love her! Of course I’m going to do that!

    and I feel like she takes it and uses it.

    I can’t even take my own good advice!

    It reminds me of when I used to study with this guy for an hour before our class together.

    and I would tell him all these memory techniques and he would use them and do better on the tests then I would!

    I feel really pouty and angry and teary and sad…:(

    and immature!

    and I feel like it would be cute if I was 21, but since I’m 27, it’s not cute, and that’s not fair!!!!!!!

  282.  #283Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 7:26 am

    I seriously feel anger and tension and sadness in my stinking arms as I’m sitting here typing like a stupid maniac!

  283.  #284Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 7:27 am

    I want someone to comfort me but I don’t have anyone!

  284.  #285Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 7:33 am

    you know what? I wish I had someone like me when I was her age! but I didn’t have someone like me. I didn’t have anyone.

    It just sucks. now I feel guilty for feeling sorry for myself.

    and I feel jealous of her perfect unbroken heart. and how she still talks to the only person she’s ever been in love with.

    he didn’t run off and get married right after her.

    I feel so inadequate.

    Like, if I’m so great, why is it so easy to leave me?

    am I just too difficult?
    do I just block you out too much?

    and now I’m sitting here crying at work.
    I shouldn’t even be on here, but I just needed to get this all out of my system, so I can stinking breathe properly.

    the tears feel soooooooooo good.
    It feels soooooooooooo good to cry.

    It’s like unreal.

    Did you know that crying is the body’s way of releasing stress hormones?

  285.  #286Goldenflower on July 31, 2012 at 7:38 am

    281: Annie says:

    What are your core needs and wants?
    Does he want what you want?
    Are you a good core soul match?
    Is he able and available want to and offering to give you what you want?

    Thanks Annie. I will set these questions into my head and recall them when I feel the chemical reactions. It is far too early for me to know this yet, but I hope to find out over time. And meanwhile I just need to find an effective way to stay balanced and clear headed when I spend time with a man I am very attracted to.

    My core needs are:
    A stable considerate man. A man who wants marriage and the possibility of children. a man who wants to take care of me and make me happy.

  286.  #287bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 7:50 am


  287.  #288Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 7:52 am


    255 – Thanks.I am CDing. Trying to keep an open heart. Finding a lot of duds, as usual. But still trying.

  288.  #289Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 7:54 am


    262 – Thanks for believing in me. I just feel so sad when I think about no R from day to day. It was really keeping me going. Now I feel like I have nothing pleasant to look forward to.

  289.  #290Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 7:56 am


    257 – Awwww thank you!! My heart felt so warm reading that!!!

  290.  #291Miss Bells on July 31, 2012 at 7:57 am

    HS is TRULY commitment-phobic.
    I know we sometimes say that when they won’t commit to US. He is 63 and has never made a real commitment to ANYONE. He will be sexually exclusive for a time but that’s it.
    I am re-reading Men Who Can’t Love. It explains the nature of the phobia. With some ideas of what to do.
    They say that distancing yourself calms the phobia so they feel safe to engage again. I have found this to be true.
    By distancing I mean something much more extreme than just leaning back. To re-engage a commitment phobe you must actually and clearly reject THEM.
    And you must keep the rejection up intermittently. Just being still and leaning back is not enough. They can GET close but they can’t STAY close.
    I can do that but I am not at all sure it’s WORTH it!

  291.  #292bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 7:57 am

    jilly, i just read that about negative ions too : ) i went out this weekend & found some water.

    & femininewoman, thanks for posting the radical-love take-care-of-yourself reminders. i had a nice slow walk after work to get the office smell out of my hair : )

  292.  #293Goldenflower on July 31, 2012 at 7:57 am

    I have just realised i feel fear around losing myself to someone.
    I love my fear. There is no need to feel fear, I have all i need to love myself and heal myself if necessary. I attract positive high minded souls. I attract good positive energies. I trust myself. I love my confident radiant self, I am enough. I am beautiful and golden. I am made of love.

    I am the yummy pie. 🙂

  293.  #294Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 7:57 am


    258 – “Dirty Dancing”

    What year is that movie?

    I fell asleep last night hahah, didn’t watch it.

  294.  #295Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 7:58 am

    I feel like all the married people my age at church can see how broken I am, and I feel like they feel sorry for me, and it makes me feel ashamed.

    and I feel uncomfortable around married men my age that I rejected, who are happily married now, and I’m still alone.

    I feel so sad and hopeless.

  295.  #296Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 8:01 am

    ((((((Radlove my darling!!!))))))))

    We are strong women here. You are BEAUTIFUL and FANTASTIC. First days are tougher but everyday will bring you more strength.

    I trust you can do it 🙂

  296.  #297Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 8:02 am


    260 – Thanks for your feedback! I think poor spelling is a trigger for me because I think if a man isn’t sensitive and intelligent enough to learn basic English, then he won’t be sensitive and intelligent enough to understand me. I don’t think anything of a misspelled word here and there – I’m talking about not even trying: little punctuation, words with no spaces between them. slaughtered spelling in almost every word.

    As you all know, I have dated men on disability and in prison. So I don’t mean to be judgmental when I say he works as a dishwasher at a restaurant kitchen. But it just makes me wonder why, in combination with his poor English skills. To state it directly, I have found by experience that if a man isn’t intelligent and sensitive, he is not going to understand me. And that is centrally important to me, to feel understood.

    About sex, if I am posting for sex, lay it on. But if I post specifically talking about wanting to meet a man who will take the time to get to know my heart, and he starts making jokes left and right about me wearing a teddy, I don’t feel understood.

    About paying, that was low on my list. God knows how many thousands of dollars I have sent to men in prison over the years. It was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

  297.  #298bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 8:03 am

    radlove, have you ever checked out the christian singles groups online? that sounds like it might feel better to you than the unfiltered sea of craiglist fish : ) what do you think?

  298.  #299Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 8:05 am


    296 – Hugs back to you! Thank you so much for the encouragement! I did send him one simply text early this morning:

    B: One last thing: Healthy relationships are about real love, not about power.

  299.  #300Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 8:06 am


    247 – Thank you!

  300.  #301Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 8:08 am


    299 – I feel a little curious, why did you send him that? Did he say anything back?

  301.  #302bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 8:09 am

    radlove, i know you’re a writer – do they have any meetups in your area for writing ? I went to one in my area & i didn’t really enjoy it so much : ))) but you might have better luck …… i feel romantic & spooky writing up in those northeastern hills…. : )) out here in the mountain/desert…. it feels more “survival mode” than anything LOL : )

  302.  #303Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Sooo today I’m going to the pool, it feels nicely warm 🙂

  303.  #304bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 8:19 am

    omg jasmine you have to watch dirty dancing !

    “nobody puts Baby in the corner !”

  304.  #305Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 8:24 am


    301 – It seems like a lot of R’s tactics in our relationship are to be in control and have power over me. More often than not, I feel like a mouse between the paws of a cat who has caught his first mouse.

    K has loved on me enough for me to know that I should feel like a princess with a man. R talks about treating a woman like a princess, but I rarely feel like one around him.

    Rori talks all the time about how we as women are the prize, and the air he breathes, and the yummy pie. She talks about taking back our personal power.

    That is what I am trying to drill into myself. No, he didn’t respond, and I don’t expect him to.

  305.  #306Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 8:28 am


    304 – Haha seems like I will!!! This afternoon when I get back from the pool.

    I wonder what year is that movie?

  306.  #307bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 8:31 am

    i have this weird dreamy pretend idea that i only date celebrities…. or even that celebrities are created by me ??? idk it’s just a slow post-ice-cream-type sugarland coma kind of daydream : ) & now even the people that weren’t famous when i kissed them are all getting famous. GIDDYUP let’s see what happens when i pick 1 & stick with him for life : ) lol : )))

  307.  #308bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 8:32 am

    jasmine, 1987 – a good vintage if i do say so myself : )

  308.  #309bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 8:33 am

    i have a fear that i’m committing myself to a life with ghandi & that seems TERRIFYING but i can do that & also i can live alone, just crying in the dark all day. i can do anything : )

  309.  #310Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 8:33 am

    “It seems like a lot of R’s tactics in our relationship are to be in control and have power over me.”

    What I have come to accept is that the most important thing to men in relationships is feeling respected.

  310.  #311Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 8:34 am


    I think R is that way probably because he feels pressured with you. He might feel that you’re expecting him to treat you like his woman and therefore he behaves that way. Might it be defensiveness?

    I think.

  311.  #312Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 8:37 am

    “What WON’T Work To Bring Him Close
    You cannot bring him close to you by WANTING him more. You can not excite him, attract him, or make him WANT YOU more by pressing him.

    Even THINKING about him makes your “vibe” seem needy, clingy, and desperate to him. This is simply not attractive to him – and it makes your self-esteem take a nose-dive.”

  312.  #313Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 8:37 am


    308 – LOL that’s ok with me. I will still watch it.

  313.  #314Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 8:39 am

    “Take Your Focus Off Of Him, And Do This…
    Find something really, really important to you to focus on (work, volunteering, art projects, school…) and focus on it.
    Schedule time to just hang out with yourself in your own home so you can learn to ENJOY your own company, tolerate your fear and loneliness when you’re with yourself, and raise your self-esteem and your Degree of Difficulty.
    Schedule time to get out, go places, do things on your own or with friends that are really INTERESTING – things you enjoy, that you can learn from, and that are FUN for you – AND where there are men.
    Smile at these other men. Remind yourself to breathe. Make eye contact and keep it for 5 seconds (it feels much longer than it sounds).
    Let them come up to you and start conversations. Let them ask for your phone number. Give it to them. Go to coffee with them. Go to lunch with them. Go walking in a park with them.
    Learn to do Feeling Messages. You can learn this in all my programs and my eBook.
    And feel comfortable in your own skin around men – men you find attractive and men you don’t find attractive. Just get out there and practice and learn.”

  314.  #315Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 8:40 am


    302 – That’s a good idea! I had looked into meetups for singles but writing would be just the ticket! Thanks!

  315.  #316Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 8:44 am

    As a “yes woman” you are telling yourself that you don’t count, that a man’s interests and opinions are more important than your own.
    The outcome is that you chip away at your self-esteem and that just leads to more “yes woman” behavior.

    That’s not what you want for yourself and it’s not what a man wants from you!

    No man wants to be with a “yes woman,” it’s not sexy, there’s no challenge — no growth.

    When you take a stand for yourself that challenges a man it creates that spark of attraction that can grow into a bonfire of love.

    If who you are and what you believe make him turn away from you then you have your answer: you’re not a match.

  316.  #317Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 8:54 am


    I just signed up for a poetry group.

  317.  #318Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 8:55 am

    “Tammy, as long as you are unwilling to feel the painful feelings of the breakup, you will attempt to avoid them by obsessing about him. Obsessing is an addictive way of avoiding your feelings. You are asking me how to stop obsessing about him, but until you are willing to feel your authentic painful feelings, you will avoid them—and reality—with obsessing.”

    “But I don’t think I can handle those feelings.”

    “Right now, if you are willing, I will teach you how to handle these feelings. Are you willing?”

    “Yes, I’m willing to try.”

    “Okay. Breathe into your heart. What are you feeling in your heart?”

    “My heart hurts. It feels broken.”

    “Tammy, find a place within you that feels very kindly toward your broken heart. Be very gentle, very compassionate with your broken heart. Can you be compassionate—kind, caring, gentle and understanding toward your heartbreak?”

    “Yes, I can.” Tammy starts to cry.

    “Embrace your tears, your heartbreak, with deep compassion for yourself. Let the pain move through you with your tears.”

    Tammy sobs deeply for about 5 minutes.

    “How are you feeling now?” I ask.

    “Better. Calmer. I’ve cried a lot before but somehow this time I feel better.”

    “That’s because the other times you cried as a victim, but this time you took responsibility for yourself by being compassionate toward your heartbreak. You named it, acknowledged it, and embraced it with compassion. This is what allowed it to move through you.”

  318.  #319turquoise on July 31, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Hi Sirens,

    I had a long talk with Mr. Conversation last night and we are in a pretty good place. Which mostly feels like friendship and mutual support and encouragement, and that is all he can do right now. He’s got some serious legal stuff going on with his divorce, and his focus is there. Which I totally understand. He doesn’t want to date anyone else, but said he understood if I did. It’s funny though, because I can’t remember the last time someone made me feel that they really want me in their life this much. I told him I didn’t know if I could just be friends, at least right now… and he basically refused to hear it. He doesn’t want to just be friends, but can’t do a serious relationship (which I wasn’t even asking for, he is assuming) He wanted to know what was in the middle, and I said dating! To keep me on my horse, I have two dates planned this week. Tonight with the chemist for a movie or dinner, and Thursday with Tom for dinner. He keeps popping back up in my life. He wanted me to go to his place last night, but I told him he lives too far away. He offered to meet me for drinks somehwere, but i said it would feel better to plan ahead and let him know the first day I was available was Thursday, but also for the weekend. So, he asked me for dinner on Thursday and if he should come over after work. So, he’s coming to pick me up, will pay, he never let me pay for anything… and I’m going to have a good time. Be present and in the moment.

  319.  #320Tam on July 31, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Miss Bells, everytime I say to MrU that it would be best we stopped contact and don’t want to be friends, he will move heaven and earth to make sure we don’t lose touch.
    When we get close, he runs after a while.
    I am not sure it’s worth it and rejection in order to get him back seems like game playing to me.
    They will only change if they want to and as with the old dog learning new tricks….not sure.
    I believe the right man can commit. The wrong guy will keep on doing this dance because they have a fear of attachment….engulfment, whatever.
    I want a man who has no fear of committing to me

  320.  #321bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 9:09 am

    oooh, radlove, poetry sounds fun : ))))

  321.  #322Miss Bells on July 31, 2012 at 9:11 am

    There are men that will never be able to commit to anyone.
    The problem is that these same men are good at beginnings, and good at reeling women in.
    I will be very careful and insist on a slow pace from now on.
    I want a marathon runner, not a sprinter!

  322.  #323Miss Bells on July 31, 2012 at 9:18 am

    There are things I could say to HS that would really hurt him–hit below the belt.
    You know–one of the worst things you could say to a man. The size thing.
    It might FEEL good in the moment to say it.
    But–I won’t. Doing to him what he did to me won’t solve anything.

  323.  #324Daria on July 31, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Linda – oh I’m sorry, I don’t remember Goddess

    I say something like

    ‘ I feel better to get to know a man first by dating and see how I feel. ‘

  324.  #325Daria on July 31, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Ouch Radlove – I would feel so unseen and sad getting a text like that :(. Implying that i dont know what relationships are about and that I’m not about love but power. I’d feel horrible.

    I feel sad

  325.  #326Daria on July 31, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Salt lamps also give off negative ions if heated and they feel so enchanted looking at them lit in the dark.

    It’s a block of salt w a candle it lightbulb in it.

    Counters the positive ions from electronics.

  326.  #327bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 9:37 am

    LOL, daria, you will like this.

    i have a friend who was a big ol’ “Player” his whole life…. he just closed his facebook, so i was curious what was up. he made a NEW facebook, that is him & his lady combined. i KNOW what that was about LOL, but he did it for her & no sweat & they’ve been dating now for a few years : ) cuuuuute that’s what i say : ) my friend used to say he was “dirty” but i always thought he was just too sweet & too in love with women, just looking for the one who really connected with him : )) actually for a bit he connected with me, & my friend thought it was so funny & embarrassing for him to pursue me…. & i was gentle, accepted his gifts, responded to his txts…. because i believed in his ability to be a wonderful man & wonderful partner, without judging him for his “behavior”.

    miss bells, i’m thinking of what you’re saying… & i just don’t feel sure about if there are really men who “cannot” commit… but i’m not sure what else i think about it…. (((((missbells)))))

  327.  #328bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 9:38 am

    oooh daria i have a salt lamp ! but i haven’t lit it in a while…. thank you for the idea!!! yum !

  328.  #329Daria on July 31, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Wow and I see the mirror trigger. I do this to men when I tell them how relationships Should be.

    They seem interested and I feel strong wise and better than.

    And I don’t consider that it’s disrespectful and in a way a put down.

    And it might have an effect of emasculating my man.

    I feel so glad to be noticing.

    I feel sad.

    I feel afraid I won’t feel amazing and wise if I stop telling men what I think.

  329.  #330Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 9:54 am

    I ate some spicy california rolls and some blue corn tortilla chips with guacomole for lunch. I feel so much better.

  330.  #331bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 9:54 am

    but daria, you can share your ideas & still say what do you think ? to get the “other side” of your ideas… the dark side of the moon lol : ) yum

  331.  #332Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 9:55 am


    325 – Thank you for your feedback. What would be a good thing to say for damage control?

  332.  #333Emoticon on July 31, 2012 at 9:57 am

    <3 this

  333.  #334Dancing Siren on July 31, 2012 at 9:58 am

    I am feeling confused.

    And a bit horrid.

    I worked with S today.

    It went ok for me. He gave me my reading book back at the end of the shift and he was crying. He held my hand and told me he still loves me.

    I feel like such a cold hearted b8tch right now.

    I mean what about being there for someone when they are having a hard time? What about supporting someone who says they want to go into recovery?

    This is what I feel confused about.

    I am the one he has admitted to that he has a problem.

    I feel as though on a human level should I offer to be there for him as a friend, as someone he can talk to about this?

    I feel confused.

    Ok, he was my man, and we are expected to trust them to do what they have to do… offers of help can seem like us not trusting them as men and saying they are incapable.

    But this just feels so cold.

    I feel all scrambled.


  334.  #335Daria on July 31, 2012 at 9:58 am

    I’m feeling dizzy and tired.

    I feel sad and queasy. I love my fizzy and tired feeling.

    I live my sad and queasy feeling.

    Loving my emotions feels good 🙂

  335.  #336Daria on July 31, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Blooming – well in light of how I received the comment on the blog, I won’t be Sharibg what I think.

    It felt awful. I do t want to treat my man that way and emasculate him.

    I read a really awesome book that touches on how people get disempowered, and, besides the concept of ‘reward’ which cripples inner resolve and intrinsic satisfaction ,

    Telling people and directing them in what they want to do , unsolicited, cripples ones sense of personal power

    I feel lost but suffice to say no way.

    I will be using Fm’s.

    I’ve had enormous success now with Ask For IT In Feeling Messages. I started being vigilant with it and am getting way more care and intimacy.

  336.  #337Ella on July 31, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Radlove re 2977

    I feel really unheard.

    As I said it is not my experience that spelling has anything to do with how sensitive a man is. Some men just can’t spell. Its feel triggering to me because like I said the man who was the most senitive and loving to me was the one who couldn’t spell for toffee, and I do mean that, all the things you said, no punctuation, most words mispelt etc…

    However you have the right to say no if spelling really bothers you.

    Also feel unheard re the sex thing… yes you said that you had stated you were looking for connection etc, and it appears as though men often approach with a sexual viewpoint. So what I am saying is do you think this keeps coming up as there is something to work on here?

    Nevermind any 1 man… this is just what came up for me reading your posts.

  337.  #338Ella on July 31, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Oh, I meantb 297! Lol

  338.  #339Daria on July 31, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Radlove – the best ‘damage control’ is doing nothing, and no contact. Anything else is adding more lean forward energy and damaging more, no matter how I manipulate outwardly. Energy is not going to get ‘tricked’

    Also I would solidly solidly commit to feeling messages.

    What helped is actual translations.

    It’s felt challenging for me, I noticed for me: gimme that. Do this.

    We’re what I equated with intimacy. It felt scary to translate that… I felt concerned I would ‘lose’ that special intimate 2year old and regal part of myself. That feels so intimate speaking that way,

    And It’s been worth it, I’m discovering New ways of being!!!

    So I would translate that text to Fms to be better prepared for next time. That will put me on a FM vibe too and it’s totally taking care of me.

    So how would you translate that text to Fm’s, if we were the only ones (no men) reading it ?

  339.  #340Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 10:12 am

    See what you all think of this about Circular Dating:

    I started emailing Todd last night from my list of about 100 responses to my post. He lives about 2 hours away and has 3 kids. Those aren’t deal breakers, but they’re not turn ons, either. So I give him my phone number this morning. He writes me basic statistics about job, age, and says he is serious about finding love, long term. I said me too.

    Then he texted: Do you date more than one man at a time

    B: Yes, until I am committed. What do you think?

    TD: I mean I respect how do your thing

    What would you respond, if anything? So far a half hour has elapsed.

  340.  #341Tam on July 31, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Bloom-ing, I am kind of with you on that one, I find it hard to believe that there are men who won’t commit. But maybe there are men who ‘commit’ to what feels safe for them, i e to an unavailable woman – so the relationship can never get too serious. Because there are indeed men that remain ‘free’ or ‘eternal bachelors’, as it were, just flitting from flower to flower like a bee collecting nectar. And never committing or getting married. I know a man well into his 60’s, the sweetest loveliest guy you can imagine. He was once hurt very badly, 20 years ago – and he will even say to you: I am not going there again. Ever. Never a relationship again. And he hasn’t had one since…but he sits and looks at women, or follows them around to watch them.
    This is terribly sad because he is very lovely…but it is what it is.
    MrU even told me that he is not sure he can do the ‘relationship thing’ because he is a ‘hermit’. This is not strictly true, but it’s his view. I see that partly this pains him, but partly it is exactly what he wants. He wants a lady with him – but on his terms. And the ones who attract him are those that are long distance, married etc.
    So I do think every man has it in him to commit, of course, but some will choose not to, ever. My uncle is one of those eternal bachelors too.
    Kinda sad because the guys I know like that are very sweet but they all had some kind of trauma either childhood or with a bad relationship, or some kind of addiction (alcohol, gambling) – which comes before any woman.
    This made me feel sad.
    ((((man in his 60’s))) ((((MrU))))) ((((my uncle))))

  341.  #342Miss Bells on July 31, 2012 at 10:14 am

    #327: There really are such men. I have known a few. They may even get married but have still not truly committed.
    They are time wasters at best and ego/heart destroyers at worst.
    It is a true phobia for them–they are not happy men. They are to be pitied, but avoided romantically.

  342.  #343Tam on July 31, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Radlove – the best ‘damage control’ is doing nothing, and no contact. Anything else is adding more lean forward energy and damaging more, no matter how I manipulate outwardly. Energy is not going to get ‘tricked’

    Well said, Daria, I am taking this onboard too.

  343.  #344bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Dancing Siren, it seems to me in my imagination that you will feel easier to know what you “should” do when you feel good just being you again… & you are doing that…. so when you feel good, then you will see how to act in accordance with your feelings & your heart…. what do you think ?

    also, the time you give him is time for him to problem-solve. maybe he will bring you the solution if you allow it…

  344.  #345Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 10:21 am


    339 – I really appreciate your rich feedback! Here is how I would translate it into a feeling message:

    I feel challenged sometimes to remain warm and soft in the way I relate to you. At times, I feel like a mouse between the paws of a cat who caught his first mouse, and I don’t want to feel that way with you. What do you think?

    (instead of:)

    Healthy relationships are about real love, not about power.

    Daria, what do you think/feel about that FM?

  345.  #346Ella on July 31, 2012 at 10:23 am

    Re 345,

    It feels blamey.

    Like you are blaming him for your situation? When it is always us who choses our situation… and puts ourselves between the paws…

    I think.

  346.  #347Dancing Siren on July 31, 2012 at 10:26 am

    Blooming re 344,

    Yes, I expect so.

    Just feeling so confused nasty and heavy right now.

    So shall I just sit with these feelings?

    I *think* I am a mean and nasty person because I have abandoned him to his problem. I feel mean and heartless, or maybe they are not feelings, maybe they are judgements about myself.

    I feel lost and hollow and grasping inside right now


  347.  #348bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 10:31 am

    ((((((((((Dancing Siren)))))))))))

    you are wonderful, gentle, loving & inspiring : )

    you are NOT abandoning anyone. you have not walked away for no reason.

    you are a sensitive woman who leads with her heart unzipped ! you are vulnerable !

    i think it feels right & good for you to go “home” & go “quiet” for “safety’s sake” after you shared with a special man that it felt very good with him… but there were things that did not feel good…. the “bad” feeling persisted, so you have taken a step back.

    you don’t have to “ignore” him – but you can if you want. you don’t have to “send” him arrows of love… he will feel your heart from any distance… but you can if you want. you are free & you flow in your life & it’s all wonderful & you aren’t hurting anyone else by keeping yourself happy : ) that is what men who love you want for you anyway; your happiness is paramount : )

  348.  #349MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 10:35 am


    I can feel your intensity…It’s not a good vibe.

    My ex-husband cheated on me with an 18 year old and I was 26 at the time. I had a very honest arguement with my then-husband. The last argument we ever had.

    Me: She’s 18 and CUTE and fun! She drives a nice car and is willing to do anything with you and won’t say no! How the hell am I supposed to compete with her??

    Him: Well you can’t you’re not the same people so maybe you should just stop trying! Why do you think she’s better than you anyways?

    Me: Repeat the above list of the tiny blonde girls attributes.

    Him: holy sh*t just stop!

    Me: But I want you back to myself! I don’t want to share you. I want to win you back and I don’t know how I just keep comparing myself to her!

    Him (I will never forget these words): WHY THE F*CK do you want to win me back? Why do you want me now? Don’t you get it? YOU ARE BETTER THAN ME. You are better than her! Do you think i’m doing this because I feel good about myself with you? You say you’re lonely. You have more friends than me. You say you’re not good enough. You’re better than me. I couldn’t live up to what I thought you deserved so I found someone who made me feel important, and big, and cool and funny. You can’t do that for me anymore.

    I know my mouth was agape. I walked away. I left him at MY house. With all of our things that I paid for. I took off in my car. The car I had used to chauffer him around. And I realized my 27 year old waiter husband was cheating with the 18 year old hostess at applebees. She wasn’t the first either.

    I stayed at my parents for a month and told him he had to leave. He did. I started on this journey of loving myself.

    When he lost yet another job I let him move back into my place in the spare room. Everyone thought I was taking him back. I had no motives other than to help him. I was thrilled when his new girlfriend let him move in with her.

    I had learned to love me! I still loved him, but I loved me so much more that he no longer had the ability to hurt me. We remain friends to this day.

    The lesson was that only YOU have the power to make yourself feel worthy. Only YOU have the power to make yourself feel unworthy.

    He married me because I gave him stability and un-questioning love. He cheated because I was more of a man and a better human being than he thought he ever could be, and yet I still picked myself apart and cut myself down and hated myself.

    Phewf. I have never told anyone these things. It feels good. I hope my story helps…Anyone!

  349.  #350ruth on July 31, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Miss Stix, i feel full of admiration reading your story

  350.  #351bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 10:42 am

    “Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked at all times.” -Betsey Johnson

    i love betsey johnson & i want to dress just how i want – ribbons & butterflies in my hair & absurd skirts & heavy necklaces & patterned tights : )))) YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I LOVE IT : )))))))

    i once had a professor in college. & she dressed so “freaky” i just loved her more than anything. i started feeling inspired….. wearing my school marm booties with purple fishnets & a pink tutu & a collared blouse……… I LOOKED SO COOL : ))) & my best friend was makin fun of me & stuff because i would get so flipping excited for that class……. even do all the reading ! gasp ! & take notes !! double gasp !!! lol………….. & at the end, my idol told me i was the best dressed, smartest student she ever had. WHAT ???? i mean, i was just feeling inspired : ) wasn’t even “trying” — that’s the good shxt right there little girl : )

  351.  #352Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 10:44 am

    (((Dancing Siren))),

    I feel lost and hollow and grasping within myself right now, too.

  352.  #353Daria on July 31, 2012 at 10:44 am

    Radlove: to Todd, I would send a 🙂

    Also I would put more effort into responding with feeling messages (instead of just yes, until I’m committed: yes, I feel better to until I’m committed)

  353.  #354ruth on July 31, 2012 at 10:45 am

    And dancing siren, please take care of YOU

    thats all that matters right now
    S will either sort himself out, or he wont

  354.  #355Daria on July 31, 2012 at 10:48 am

    B: One last thing: Healthy relationships are about real love, not about power.

    Translate : I’m feeling out of control and powerless. I feel like blaming you for it.

  355.  #356Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 10:49 am


    353 – Thank you! Sounds good.


    346 – Thanks for your feedback. It may sound blamey. I guess I just feel sad right now.

  356.  #357P-lala on July 31, 2012 at 10:51 am


    Wow…I know you didn’t write that post for me, but it was very powerful and I got so much truth from it. My heart feels open to believing that I am the only one who defines my worth. I need to be quiet and let this all sink in.

    Thank you for your courage to share your story.

  357.  #358Starla on July 31, 2012 at 10:53 am

    miss stix
    you’re a pretty great writer:)
    that felt super compelling to read

  358.  #359Daria on July 31, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Thank you for sharing Miss Stix… That felt powerful

  359.  #360Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 10:57 am

    If you look around and see a lot of what you
    don’t want in your life, you’re experiencing
    “negative attraction”

    Debt, bills, stress, a job that leaves you
    unfulfilled (or perhaps no job at all) –
    strained relationships, lack of passion or

    Nobody “wants” these situations or problems.

    But most people spend a lot of time THINKING
    about them.

    And we know from the law of attraction that
    what you think about – you attract.

    So how do you stop thinking about your
    problems and start attracting your desires?

    The answer is here…

    The law of attraction (combined with Inspired
    Action) makes it possible for you to turn
    things around, to find love, to lose weight,
    to attract abundance…

    To create a new life rich beyond imagining —
    no matter where you are now.

    But if your mind is focused on your problems,
    on what’s not working – if you spend time
    feeling bad about yourself, about your life,
    angry towards others…

    Then what you’ll attract will be in alignment
    with those thoughts and feelings.

  360.  #361FlowerChild77 on July 31, 2012 at 10:59 am

    ((((Dancing Siren))))

    Only you know what is best for you and I understand why you feel like you’re being mean and uncaring. I think that’s why it’s called “tough love.” It’s not easy to give someone’s problem back to them because it does not belong to you. He is the only one that can take care of him and clean up his life.

    Unfortunately, if there is nothing at stake, he may not find the motivation to change the road he’s on. Right now he’s on a dark and dangerous path. You are on a path of light and life. Does this make any sense?

    I thought of a situation that may apply here…I’ll e-mail you <3

  361.  #362Miss Bells on July 31, 2012 at 11:06 am

    @349: I know HS thinks I am better than him.
    And I know that this OW is kinda trashy and plain. Luke warm intelligence.
    Your post drove home something I suspected–that he wants to feel superior and he CAN’T with me. And the commitment phobia…

  362.  #363Tam on July 31, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Miss Stix, what a post..and what an interesting insight into the mind of a man also…thanks for sharing!!

  363.  #364Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 11:18 am

    From Bob:
    Did you know that love is not necessarily a guarantee that a marriage will last? Here are some key factors that can predict a marriage’s success.

    1) A couple’s age (a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife or who marries before the age of 24 is more likely to divorce)

    2) Couples who are in their second or third marriage.

    3) Having a child before marriage.

    4) Finances.

    Factors that don’t have much of an impact on the success of marriage are:

    1) The number of children or their ages.

    2) The wife’s employment status and the number of years a wife has been employed.

    Featured Topic: How To Get Him To Want To Know How You Feel

    Why is it that men get quiet when they are upset? For many women the silence of a man can cause more doubt and fear than a raised voice. It’s the wondering that makes it so hard when your mind starts asking these questions – “Is he mad at me,” “Is he going to leave me?”

    I use to think that women were just too sensitive about a man being silent. I understood what it meant when my buddy got quiet and I assumed that the reasons were just as obvious to women as well. Fortunately for me (and my marriage) I realized that most women really don’t know what men are really thinking when he stops talking. Let me give you the 2 main reasons why men get quiet and emotionally pull away.

    1) He doesn’t know what’s wrong – Strange as it may seem often times men simply don’t know what’s bothering them. This happens when they are under a lot of stress. It isn’t one particular thing that feels overwhelming, but the combination of everything.

    Their boss is fussing at them, their bank account has less money this month than they had hoped and you (the wonderful woman in their life) have been reminding him that he’s not paying enough attention to you.

    Now there could be a dozen different reasons for any man to feel overwhelmed, I just picked those three. If this is the reason he’s quiet it means he feels that he needs to concentrate on making things better and he doesn’t know how. Talking about it may make him feel better but in most men’s mind he won’t feel better until he sees his circumstances change.

    2) He’s mad at you and he’s punishing you – When you ignore someone you get the best of both worlds. You get to be angry and the other person does all the work but asking, “What’s wrong?” You don’t have to be vulnerable. You’re free to sit in self pity while the other person feels the pain of being ignored. Most men know that ignoring a woman is easier than talking to her when you’re upset. It’s childish and mean, but a lot of men do this at times – including me.

    What should you do?

    When you notice him being quiet simply ask him if anything is wrong. If he says, “nothing” then ask him once more. If he still remains quiet then do this. Fix him his favorite drink and tell him, “I’ll be in the next room if you need me.” (Or if you’re dating you’d say, “I’m going to go home now.”)

    Here’s what that does. If he’s really upset about something and not mad at you he’ll be thankful that you have left him alone so that he can focus on is problem. He’ll also be glad that you’ve told him where you’ll be so that he can find you should he want to talk.

    If he’s angry at you he’ll be upset because his desire is to punish you. You will be training him that you will ask him what’s wrong but you won’t beg him to tell you. You are modeling for him that if he’s upset with you he can talk about it, but you are not going to be around him while he’s sulking

    Bob Grant

  364.  #365MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Wow thank you everyone!

    I have changed so much since then and I just KNOW that any woman can enact the changes I made.

    Forgiveness is most important. For yourself, and then for others. Knowing (really knowing!) you ARE beautiful, and wonderful and worthy comes next.

    I stumbled a lot, and still do, but it gets so much easier. I’m at the place now where my mean little inside voice is most often silenced with the thought “oh give me a break you’re gorgeous and you know it!”. :p

    It hurts my heart to read some of the posts on here because I have felt your feelings and been in your situations and I want to reach through the screen and hug you all and tell you all how beautiful and amazing you are! How you deserve happiness and sensuality and love!

  365.  #366Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 11:28 am

    Dancing Siren – I agree with FlowerChild. Also a friend can lend an “ear” and choose to only say “bummer”

  366.  #367MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 11:33 am


    Yes…He was very honest with me once he could no longer lie. He could have easily just called me fat and bitchy and said he could no longer put up with me so he found a cute young blonde (what was going on in my own head).

    “Why the f*ck do you want to win me back?” is what did it. Because I couldn’t answer his question. After everything I just couldn’t provide a sane answer.

  367.  #368Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 11:36 am

    A Great Catch Lets A Man Give To Her
    Inspiring a man to see you as the one woman he wants to be with forever is all about you being able to receive love.

    Men fall in love when they give to you, not because of how much you give them or do for them.

    When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.

    When you’re open to receiving from a man, you’re sending a message that you value yourself – you believe you’re worthy of his time, attention, gestures, and ultimately his love.

    So resist the temptation to prove your worth by giving, and instead create the space for him to give to you.”

  368.  #369Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 11:37 am


    355 – Frighteningly accurate. Thank you for helping me see that. That’s something I want to heal.

  369.  #370Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 11:40 am


    Surprisingly, R responded just now to my doesn’t-work text:

    R: I don’t know what the heck you are talking about. You are tripping!

    B: I’m sorry about that last text. I’m feeling out of control and powerless. I feel like blaming you for it.

    Wow, that was hard to write.

  370.  #371Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 11:50 am


    337 – I just saw your post. I heard you about spelling not affecting the relationship. I just see it differently. My experience has been that it DOES affect the relationship. As an extreme, I love my dogs like children. But that is not to say I feel fulfilled in my relationship with them. I love them and they love me. But I can’t have a meaningful, two way conversation with them.

    About sex, I think I just need to quit posting on Craigslist. Men on there seem to equate “Woman” with “Sex”. Sorta like if you want to find zucchini, don’t go to a fruit orchard.

  371.  #372bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 11:53 am

    miss stix, thank you for sharing… how lovely that he was able to express that to you…. & that you were receptive to understanding him…. wow : ) that’s amazing

  372.  #373bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 11:56 am

    radlove, your response sounds authentic ! you go! that’s awesome…

  373.  #374Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I feel almost completely shut down. My rent is due tomorrow and I can’t pay it. My landlord is outside doing yard word, painting, burning trash, and I just am sitting here feeling paralyzed and frozen. I shut all the blinds on that side of the house for privacy.

    I am praying for a miracle for tomorrow, so I am not yet ready to tell him I don’t have it. I feel scared of him because when my previous neighbor was 2 months behind on his rent, my landlord played dirty.

    He removed the sheriff’s notice from his door about eviction court, so he missed the court date. He accused my neighbor of stealing the boat and trailer which my landlord himself had told me had traded to him. He accused my neighbor of stealing furniture he had freely given him. He called my neighbor’s wife and called her a wh-r(e, repeatedly. He posted my neighbor’s car for free on craigslist, giving my neighbor’s phone number. He got so many calls he had to change his number.

    I don’t want to operate in fear. Courage is the willingness to act in spite of your fear. I am hiding on the blog today. I need to face my real life issues, and it feels really scary.

    I don’t want to keep having the same issues repeating. It took me a long time to get to this point after I was homeless 5 months last year. I am on the verge of losing everything.

  374.  #375Daria on July 31, 2012 at 11:57 am

    those beliefs feel bad to me:

    ‘men who dont spell well won’t take care of me’

    ‘Craigslist men are only looking for sex’

    I have some traces of these beliefs… It feels like a tightening tummy

    I want to heal this.

  375.  #376Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 11:57 am


    372 – Thank you!

  376.  #377P-lala on July 31, 2012 at 11:59 am


    Forgive me for butting in, but I have a thought about the spelling thing that might be helpful. I, too, have found myself profoundly turned off by men who are poor spellers and inept with grammar.

    This one time, though, I decided to give K a shot. He is, seriously, a problem speller. I let is slide until we met and then have just refrained from written communication since then. That’s the key…we don’t communcate in a method that is difficult for him and triggering for me. I have discovered, though, that he is an amazing verbal communicator…and a great kisser…and neither of those things are impacted by his spelling issues.

    I’m really grateful that I gave him a shot, but I do understand your hesitancy.

  377.  #378Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 11:59 am


    311 – Probably. That sounds likely.

    Do you and other newer Sirens know about a private group we have on FB? If you would like to join, please email me at

  378.  #379Daria on July 31, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Radlove – the majority of men I interact with bring up sex quite a bit, in the first conversation

    It’s up to me to share how I’m feeling, comfortable or not

    Not judging the men helps Me a lot

  379.  #380FlowerChild77 on July 31, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    #360/FW Thank you for posting that. I’m trying SO hard to think about what I WANT instead of what I lost. It’s not easy…

  380.  #381Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 12:02 pm


    374 – Yeah, when you put it that way, I see it’s probably not cool. So shall I do some more soul searching and formulate some more embarrassing feeling messages?

    I feel powerless to have a relationship with a man with whom I feel understood and respected.

    How’s that?

  381.  #382Daria on July 31, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Wow Radlove you are brave writing that to R.

    I feel scared myself. Lol 🙂

  382.  #383Daria on July 31, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Radlove wow that’s great!

    I love when my fm’s feel embarassing /vulnerable. Cuz it means I’m healing!

    Next time my power has grown and I can feel it!

    Such a different aftermath from embarrassing myself leaning forward

  383.  #384Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 12:10 pm


    378 – That feels healthy. I like that.

  384.  #385Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 12:12 pm


    376 – You aren’t butting in and you don’t need to apologize. When I post on the blog, I am posting for anyone to comment, no matter if it’s addressed to a certain person.

    That is good you gave him a chance. I will process this trigger of mine a bit. I see that it is rooted in the perfectionism which was demanded of me growing up. And perfectionists drive themselves and everyone around them crazy.

  385.  #386Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 12:12 pm


    382 – You said that well. I agree.

  386.  #387Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 12:16 pm


    381 – LOL!!! I didn’t expect that response from you! Feeling messages really ARE powerful. When I read your translation, it hit home. I felt the truth of it in my core. So I reclaimed my personal power by unzipping my heart.

    I feel attuned and harmonious with the universe when I speak my truth. I didn’t even SEE my truth until you wrote that.

  387.  #388Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 12:16 pm


    377 – Is everyone publicly on that group?

  388.  #389Daria on July 31, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    I am noticing more and more that when I get the urge to control and shame someone for their behavior it’s

    When I’m feeling shaky and unsure about my own self

    Likely I hold the same beliefs and behaviors and am really just not seeing them

    Until I put down the punishment stick and let myself look and heal

    Thank you for being here to assist my healing everyone

  389.  #390bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    radlove, also… my dear grandaddy is an avid reader. he has probably read most anything you’ve heard of… spent his life collecting books : ) he has opened & operated 2 book stores that are now in our family…. but the man can’t spell! to save his life lol… when he moved, i saw a stack of boxes labeled “kichen” hahaha… but he’s a dear man & fully capable of being a loving partner : ) &&& of course, he is well-read & educated : ) ………………….. also, also, i have an idea that some men……. maybe in particular Nerdy, Smart men who are a smidge “past-prime” ? ……. who may be “dumbing down” or even “young-ing down” to sound “hip” & “with-it” …. LOL… do you know what i am saying ?? haha : )

  390.  #391Starla on July 31, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    my favorite cd right now is extremely intelligent, HOT as h*ll, college educated, an IT professional for the department of transportation, a martial arts master, world traveler


    dyslexic. can’t spell at all

    i have a degree in linguistics and can out-spell anyone.

    obviously i’m going to let the spelling thing go;)

  391.  #392ruth on July 31, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    some powerful stuff on here tonight

    I am learning

    In respect of the spelling
    Mine is perfect
    But-i cant trype that well

  392.  #393Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    blooming that reminds me of a very smart man I met some years ago. He was a lawyer and for the life of him it seems he had a hard time figuring out the simple things in life. Things like breaking his programmed pattern of parking in the same parking spot. If he came up and the spot was taken he would get flustered and couldn’t see the empty one next to it.

  393.  #394bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    gang starr speaks the truth:

    Wherever I go
    I want to take nothin less than the best
    Whatever I choose, I choose to do
    I have to stand out from all the rest
    Whatever I do, wherever I go
    I want to take nothin less than the best
    Whatever I choose, I choose to do
    I just wanna stand out from all the rest
    And all the girls they want to spoil me
    My honey annoits me with oils G
    After work she greets me, and treats me like royalty
    Works with me, giving herself, by my side
    She don’t sweat me for loot, my fame, or my ride
    A lot of ladies out there, be lookin lovely
    But they don’t got no control of the their life, inside they’re ugly
    Word to Bugsy, and to Red Alert
    Sway and Tech, and Funkmaster Flex to make your head jerk
    Chicks go beserk when they see us in the spot
    K-Ci, JoJo and Primo, creepin to the top
    And to the sweethearts out there breaking hearts
    While we’re takin part of this hip-hop art
    Listen yo, the best way, it ain’t always the fast way
    And yes the best way, it ain’t always to act nasty
    I’ll open up the door always before you pass me
    Baby Doll, because you’re royalty

  394.  #395Starla on July 31, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    RIP Guru, thank you for sharing bloom-ing

  395.  #396bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    what i take from those lyrics:

    men are ambitious. they want to be the best, they want to be good, they want to be strong.

    it feels good to have 1 woman – a reliable, safe, loving woman who is there in good times or bad.

    woman fawning over men is Yummy – but going straight for sxx thinking that’s the way to get heart will get you hurt.

    women want women who respect other women.

    men want the woman who gives them a foot rub at the end of the day & who requires that her Man treat her the same – because a Queen makes a King

  396.  #397bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    femininewoman, that story makes me Laugh Out Loud…. i’m imagining him getting all furrowed-browed about it… hahaha thank you : )

  397.  #398bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    starla, i been oil pulling n my little pearls look like baby teeth now : ))

  398.  #399ruth on July 31, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I am feeling so stuck

    My situation seems impossible

    yet, i have to find a way to live with it

  399.  #400bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    & i meant *men* want women that respect other women.

    i can’t find josh martinez’s lyrics for the song “women loving women” but it’s on youtube.

    but here’s a portrait of a Man (“BC Trees”):

    they say i’m just some hippy, mama’s what’s wrong with me,
    i never say stoked or trippy, but i do any drxg they slip me.
    this is a glimpse into my life and what i like and what i do
    when i’m not riding my bike i look out the window and watch the view.
    i live in a city in a rainforest next to ocean,
    and the mountains look real big to this native nova scotian.
    most of the time i write rhymes in the confines of my bedroom.
    i like chilling in this city, but most of all i like its legroom.
    i like how people here do whatever they please.
    vancouver, bc, i like them big huge trees.

    you know i won’t stop thinking. i can’t stop drinking.
    i want a real woman not just some chick to put my dxck in.
    but in my room it’s high noon, and there’s a showdown at sundown
    i love the high i get from a gxnfight but can’t stand the comedown.
    when you become a rapper you open up your life to people,
    everytime i do a show, i show a little more shoulder
    hold the mic like a lighthouse, keeping watch over the landscape,
    give my man an ezra pound, the 5th element is the handshake
    gxddxmmit i can’t stand it, too many folks so serious,
    it’s simply too easy to have fun and be a comedian
    and ride the median between raw and delirious,
    oh it’s mr. magic, he’s so mysteriuos.
    synonymous made muse, i am contagious when i choose
    to be deluding the authorities and their outrageous views
    i’m one of those whose paid his dues, but got a few screws loose
    see i’ve made the best use of booze and bodily abuse
    the boys meet to eat the breakfast at bon’s off broadway.
    another shot there budd…well yeah ok, why not?
    a lot what i put in my body is shoddy and cheap,
    but i can’t afford to eat that well and still have a place to sleep.
    i keep good company and hang with the totally insane,
    i love living this lifestyle where nothing ever stays the same.
    with change comes the rains and everyone goes through growing pains.
    i want to do my laundry but i can’t remove the stains.

  400.  #401Mel on July 31, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    I’m just about to finish work and head ‘home’ for the first time. Not Mr A’s place… but home. Our place.

    Wow, that feels kinda magical and strange and also a little normal and anticlimactic at the same time.

    Hee hee, I feel happy. 🙂

  401.  #402bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    ruth, do you live with a man?

  402.  #403Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 1:04 pm


    390 – That’s a good example! I feel happy for you!

  403.  #404bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    (((((mel))))) that sounds exciting : )))

  404.  #405MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    I can’t get away from this blog today lol


    I really admire you last text. Cudos! Your honesty is palpable. Being honest and authentic isn’t just good for the men in our lives…it’s good for us! You will never feel shame in the end if you act and speak honestly and without blame. It’s hard and a little nerve wracking, but never shameful.

  405.  #406T-Girl on July 31, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Not to harp on the spelling thing but my J cant spell very well either but he is practically a genius that went to Mensa meetings and is the most kind and loving man.

  406.  #407MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    I can’t get away from this blog today lol


    I really admire you last text. Cudos! Your honesty is palpable. Being honest and authentic isn’t just good for the men in our lives…it’s good for us! You will never feel shame in the end if you act and speak honestly and without blame. It’s hard and a little nerve wracking, but never shameful.

  407.  #408Daria on July 31, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Yay Mel 🙂

  408.  #409ruth on July 31, 2012 at 1:20 pm


    yes and no
    Its very complicated and I would be afraid of being judged if i got into specifics

    Thankyou for asking though, I feel heard

    I will keep lurking

    wel, actually, i have to go and run now, but later

  409.  #410Starla on July 31, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    yeah baby
    a hot guy i have a big crush on who i just met sent me a friend request on facebook 🙂

  410.  #411MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Apologies for my double post!

    I feel like sharing a little about my day/last night. I will call him G from now on called as he saidhe would. We had a great “shoot the sh**” kind of convo full of laughs. We hung up to eat dinner, and he called me back a little while later because he was “bored with no one to bug” lol. Another great convo! I was watching an especially funny episode of family guy so he put it on and laughed with me.

    Today I feel whole. I am spending the evening at his house tonight, but it feels good. I am here because I want to be here, and I was at home because I wanted to be there. Feeling very in control, and very in love. Very loved. Tonight will be good 😉

  411.  #412Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 1:30 pm


    404 – Thank you!

  412.  #413T-Girl on July 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Fw, thank you for posting the article about what it means when men go silent. I needed to read that.

  413.  #414Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Ok, being who I am, I didn’t feel content to just let it drop with Todd when he wasn’t cool with me Circular Dating! So, 3.5 hours later, I texted…

    B: When I job hunt, I job hunt until I’ve had a job offer. The employer holds the power. He conducts the interviews. I go on as many interviews as I can and keep on sending out resumes until I hear,, “I want to offer you the job. Will you accept?”

    T: What’s the job description?

    B: LOL, to be a wife and a mother.

    T: I thought you was offering me a job LOL.

    B: I’m the applicant. It’s like a dance, one leads, the other follows. The employer leads with hiring. The employee follows by either accepting the position or not. But she can’t pressure the employer to offer her the job, so she applies for several jobs. The one that has the best offer, first, is the one she says yes to. Only then does she stop job hunting. Up until then, she feels free to job hunt because there is not yet a contract. What do you think?

    T: Yes I feel

    B: Cool

    T: So I want love and long term

    B: So do I. Are you offering me the position?

  414.  #415bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    (sorry for spamming rap lyrics……they feel good to me today & also true & also very revealing about men)

    atmosphere’s “Good Times (Sick Pxmpin’)”

    this next one goes out
    to all the depressed women in the house
    Whether you’re taking the prozac the xanax or the paxil
    Whatever the hxll they put into that capsule
    i want y’all to come up to the front of the stage
    and grab me a shot of something along the way
    put a smile on the front of your head

    you know why she’s sitting by the window
    she’s waiting for her prince to come
    and here i am on the opposite side of the room
    trying to pretend that i’m not that dumb
    it goes older bold and full of cold
    but did i mention that it’s well deserved?
    no let’s make a mess,
    no let’s make a baby,
    no let’s make some hell on earth
    do you mind if i turn out the lights?
    if i’m going to be alone i’d rather do it in the dark
    so i stare at half of a beer half wishing that the transmission would stay in park
    she keeps the music down, so her neighbors don’t complain
    keeps the drama up
    so she doesn’t forget the pain
    i keep my momentum inside my reaction
    and hide my pride inside of my laughter
    it goes…

    got a thing for the women that don’t love themselves
    so either loosen up your hair or tighten up your belt
    and this time, this time is a good time
    for good times

    and i’ll never forget the day you woke up
    to find a whole different world underneath your socks
    forgot to check your pockets before you the checked the cost
    yes ma’am, i saw the sign, no ma’am i couldn’t stop
    drop off, now look who got water on the lung
    Whatever it takes to calm your tongue
    if this living room fills with anymore faults
    i’m going to cut my finger, i’m going to paint these walls
    if anybody watched us
    they probably called the cops, cause
    it’s obvious that neither one of us can adjust
    Discussion becomes disgust
    if luck was a lady I doubt she would save me from the bumrush
    enough is enough, but how much is too much
    Why am I still just a sheep to your touch
    why can’t i ever fall asleep at dusk?
    why do i need to see everything crushed?
    it’s a big map girl, it’s yours if you asked
    if it don’t wash up to the shore you won’t discover it
    stand to get hotter than your head with that other shxt
    swallow it to chase and follow the suffering
    but i’m still smiling, still up to no great
    still trying to relocate
    somewhere i’m going to find some work that matters
    till then all you get is my smirk and my laughter

  415.  #416Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    I used Daria’s feeling message from earlier:

    T: Yes I am. Are you willing to be faithful

    B: I feel better to get to know a man first by dating and see how I feel.

    T: Ok cool

    B: 🙂

  416.  #417Daria on July 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    Radlove I would let him be the hunter hunting to be the man to take care of me forever 🙂

  417.  #418Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 1:41 pm


    389 – Another fantastic example of how spelling isn’t important. Thank you!

  418.  #419Tam on July 31, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    398 (((Ruth)))
    I understand that you might not want to share your specifics, but it feels sad to think you are stuck in a situation seemingly not able to change it and having to live with it.
    I would like to think that there is something you can do to change/improve whatever it is you have to deal with and I wish you strength for that.

  419.  #420Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 1:42 pm


    416 – Every analogy breaks down somewhere. I will try to work that in. I was just trying to give him a feel for the concept of CDing, and that’s the best I could come up with.

  420.  #421MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Thoughts of self forgiveness flowing through my mind.

    I would dance around the house in shorts and a tank not caring how I looked. I would let positive self love start in my brain and feel it flow through me like water. In my head I would picture turning it into a warm, electric aura surrounding me. My love for myself, my forgiveness to myself for the hateful thing I said to me. My love for others. For men. My forgiveness to anyone I felt harmed me. My forgiveness to myself for allowing it. I turned it all into something I could see in my mind, feel in my body and project out into the world in a way I felt I could almost touch. I cried. Alot! Happy, sad, overwhelmed with hope. I took those feelings and put them all out into that aura. I did this consciously over and over. Until I only became conscious of when I wasn’t doing it.

    I feel a little silly about sharing but it did wonders for me. For having the ability to really know what i’m feeling and why, and turn it all into a positive energy I feel surrounded by.

  421.  #422ruth on July 31, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Thank you Tam
    There *will* be stuff i can change

    Mostly related to how i deal with all this

    Just, well, bit tricky

    I would like to run away from it all and do my own thing I am ok on my own but this isnt an option

  422.  #423Daria on July 31, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I trusted my dad more than my mom cuz he seemed more sincere, and when not in a rage, fair

    I didn’t trust women or want to be close to them.., unless they were tomboys like me

    Because I didn’t trust my mom or feel safe to be close to her

    She’d always betray me by treating me less than in public

    Or turning and gossiping about me and telling someone else in a twisted way what I had just shared w her heart to heart

    Ouch my jaw I know I do this too

    I want to heal this

    I feel better my mom and I are getting happier

    I feel scared

    I feel mistrustful, dead, heartclosed

    Sometimes she ignores me

    I feel so excited to be seeing and healing this

    Wow me

    Healing myself I let the wonderful was of my parents natures=souls out too

    Wow this feels deep and healing

  423.  #424Daria on July 31, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    I trusted my dad more than my mom cuz he seemed more sincere, and when not in a rage, fair

    I didn’t trust women or want to be close to them.., unless they were tomboys like me

    Because I didn’t trust my mom or feel safe to be close to her

    She’d always betray me by treating me less than in public

    Or turning and gossiping about me and telling someone else in a twisted way what I had just shared w her heart to heart

    Ouch my jaw I know I do this too

    I want to heal this

    I feel better my mom and I are getting happier

    I feel scared

    I feel mistrustful, dead, heartclosed

    Sometimes she ignores me

    I feel so excited to be seeing and healing this

    Wow me

    Healing myself I let the wonderful was of my parents natures=souls out too

    Wow this feels deep and healing

    This feels wondrous

    Wow I feel scared, paralyzed

    Wow I’m seeing the vision

    Oh I have compassion for us


  424.  #425bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    ruth, hm well i really Believe that you will get a golden situation……. you sound so full of love & patience & grace…….. that looks to me like a carriage woven around you…… so you are always, already safe & comfortable………. : )

  425.  #426ruth on July 31, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Sounds good Miss Stix

    Yoga helped me a while back to release stuff

    I need to go and find some classesa again
    preferably DRU Yoga

  426.  #427Daria on July 31, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Wow now that I got so into myself CD called me and instead of all into relationship I feel all deep so I’m like I feel all deep

  427.  #428Starla on July 31, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    i love me so much:)

  428.  #429Daria on July 31, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Ruth – thanks for mentioning DRU yoga, I felt curious and rad about it, feeling excited and curious

  429.  #430bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    thanks, missstix : ) that is an amazing exercise & i feel so excited to try it “your way” YUM thank you : )

  430.  #431ruth on July 31, 2012 at 1:54 pm



    To me, my post looks desperate and lost and pathetic
    as far from “grace” as you could hope to be

    thats a lovely thing to say, but i dont feel it is me
    well, not right now anyway
    Something to aspire to

  431.  #432ruth on July 31, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    DRU yoga is amazing
    But be prepared to cry like a baby when you are doing it
    That is quite hard in public, especiually in Britain!

  432.  #433Tam on July 31, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    421 – urgh Ruth, I am sorry you can’t just be by yourself and run if that is what you would like to do. However, having said that, from the perspective of someone who always used to run because she was ‘happy and ok by herself’…I am fed up with that now..guess the grass is always greener….
    I am so determined that in my next relationship I will not run when it gets complicated but actually try to resolve complications with some of the help I got from here.
    If and when that relationship comes..I am in no rush..

  433.  #434turquoise on July 31, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Miss Stix, I enjoyed reading your post as well. It’s amazing how easy it is to read someone elses words and have the “Aha” moment. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    Bloom-ing… why did you change your name? Your writing style is oh so unique… I’d recognize you anywhere 🙂

    Radlove, C wasn’t the best speller either. He’s gotten a lot better, but he still makes mistakes. The man has two master’s degrees, controls a multi-billion dollar budget for the Pentagon, is a high ranking army officer, and a great provider. It really bothers me too when I see bad grammar, and I’ve dismissed many because of it if I didn’t find them attractive. This is a good reminder to me to give everyone a chance. I know that I prefer an educated man though.

  434.  #435becki on July 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    i have been reading a lot of the blog and i’m trying to figure out which program i should start with (right now thinking modern siren?) i have a complicated situation. i would hope my post would not cause harsh judgment or criticism towards me (seems like everyone on here is pretty much non-judgemental which is why i am choosing to post this) how best to put this? it started 12 years ago when i was dating a wonderful man but felt he really wasn’t that into me. seems like he was enjoying single life and dating (at least one other woman at the time) so i started dating another man. for a few weeks i was seeing both men and although unaware i was able to get pregnant (long story) i did become pregnant. The one i first started dating (i’ll call him VP) had already told me he accepted a job offer and in a few months would be moving 3 hours away. the other one was nice enough and i liked him but he wasn’t “the one” (I’ll call him UD for underdog) well my periods are irregular so no idea who was the father but according to missed period it was VP. later an ultrasound swung more towards UD. i chose to let VP go not mentioning possible fatherhood (was 24 and very immature in some ways, selfish really) and let UD claim her. Everyone says she is spitting image of UD (i can’t tell) anyways after several years we married and now 12 years later i am miserable. i will be leaving in the next 2 months to go out on my own (please again, i feel guilty enough already) since new years i started seeing VP again about 2-3 times a month. (He still lives 3 hours away) UD suspects something but im not ready to break his heart (not in a position where i can afford to move out for another month or 2) well ive discovered im madly in love with VP and he knows my situation. He’s ok seeing me but i think my situation causes him to withdraw somewhat (He still is unaware there is a possibility he could be a father). when we are together it’s amazing, but when im back home the contact is not very much. fb messages every week on average. i told him 2 visits ago that i didn’t think he was into me so i let him go and got pregnant and settled but he was always the one. told him i didn’t know what we have and im ok with that now but one day i want his heart (i am not ok with it but given that i am still married what can i really expect from him) he never responded, just hugged me. i left and have visited once since. he held me more the next time and was much “loving” but still no mention. he pulls back a lot, and then will come around again. it’s not all about sex either. i want to know basically how i can 1. keep him around until i can move out, 2. keep him interested after i move out, 3. help him to see once a cheater always a cheater is not true. he knows i am not in love with my husband and did it for my daughter. i dont make it a habit to cheat but this man has my heart and i would do anything for him. BUT i know i need to learn how to lean back at the same time. i always visit him which is normally a no no i think, but i am married and living at home so him coming here is a no-no as well. he really is a great guy and in my eyes he is “the one”. i never stopped thinking about him in all these years and hate i chose the path i did but i feel like with help i can turn this in my favor. so which program would you think i need?

  435.  #436Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Radlove – hunting imagery and siren imagery are KEY for both my self esteem and energy as the prize, the attractor, the desired

    And for a man to appreciate his masculinity, hunter, hunting, chasing are all great images for masculine energy

    That one felt disturbing to me as in the polarity felt off

    He wanted to turn it to him masculine… Did u notice?

  436.  #437Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 2:00 pm


    433 – Wow!

  437.  #438turquoise on July 31, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Radlove, I missed some of the posts and will try to catch up tonight, but I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry you are having a rough day and worried about finances. That is one of the worst feelings for me. I wish I had the money to help, but I’m pinched pretty tight this week with extra monthly expenses for my girls with camp and cheer. The end of the month is always tough for me though, so I’m going to work through my budget and find a way to feel more secure all month long. Anyways, leaving work now, but just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you!


  438.  #439Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Well that was my guess, when he asked is he getting the job

    These images are great help to me and Rori uses them a lot

    When I read the interaction, I felt disturbed …

    It seemed he was being made the mermaid and you the prince

    I remember reading before that you’d prefer to be feminine energy, and well that imagery felt uncomfortably off for me

    Your passion n emotiins nonetheless was coming through beautifully and that felt attractive despite the icky feeling imagery

    to me

  439.  #440ruth on July 31, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Thank you Tam
    ya cant flush 25 years down the pan just like that

    Sometimes i would like to
    And, I *am* ok on my own
    Always have been

    Anyhoo, its my problem to own.
    Just got to come up with something that works that I can live with
    Not the Rori way, I know

    But some things you are stuck with
    Gotta make the best of it

  440.  #441Iamabutterfly on July 31, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    @349 Miss Styx – I feel extreme sorrow reading that. Thank you for sharing. I think I understand. No man will ever be good enough for me, if I’m not good enough for myself.

    and it sounds like he didn’t feel good enough for you, like you were mirroring each other’s unworthy feelings or something.

    I feel so sad for you, but I feel glad that you’ve healed.

    wow, I need to like, meditate on that or something.

  441.  #442turquoise on July 31, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Yeah… I know… WOW is right. He’s extremely career oriented, was a problem in our marriage, but I do admire all he’s accomplished. And, even though we aren’t together, he works hard to give us as much as he can.

    Have you considered joing christian dating groups? I have a feeling the men would be more respectful.

  442.  #443bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    ruth, yoga helps me feel “connected” too : ) YUM

    in all the posts to other women, you are gentle & kind & “hearing” & sensitive… & rori postulates that “how we are on the blog is how we will be in relationship” so i imagine that you are that way with yourself & with others : )

    i read what tam wrote as well & i feel curious about the “fine by myself” idea… i always tell myself that. & actually i find myself romanticizing the idea of “loneliness”…… yesterday i tried to imagine my ideal relationship/home-life….. & it was so funny to find myself instantly more drawn to images in my heart of suffering & loneliness……. jane eyre / wuthering heights / sense & sensibility type-scenarios……. with lots of rumbly dark days & howling lonely nights……… : ) so i’m giving myself permission to really explore something that feels “right” for me……. & still beautiful…… but that allows companionship, help, love, ease, …….. dare i write it ? ……… splendor : )) i can barely even want those things i notice……. but i do believe that will feel better to me than the gloomy doom i love to read & write about : )

  443.  #444Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 2:07 pm


    436 – Thank you!

  444.  #445ruth on July 31, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    “It’s OK to be sensual, sexual, successful and satisfied”
    Very much okay in my book

    Not an option

    *hollow laughter*
    Right, i have siad too much as it is

    back to lurking

  445.  #446Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Omg Miss Stix – I feel so empowered w ur radiate into my aura tool

    Wow this feels amazing and I’m learning about me thank u!

  446.  #447bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    turquoise, hi! : ) thank you : )) it’s nice to “see” you… : )
    i just wanted a “shift”…… : )

  447.  #448Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    What an amazing feeling way to get into the soup

  448.  #449Starla on July 31, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I only dismiss the otherwise good guys with bad grammar if they are complaining about people with bad grammar in their dating profiles while using it incorrectly… or worse, spelling it “grammer.”

  449.  #450Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    ‘But some things you are stuck with
    Gotta make the best of it’

    Oh that feels horrible

    I hate that you believe this

    I feel so crushed and powerless and so angry!!!!!!!!

    Can’t you see u are hurting all of us and our family by believing this!!!!???

    I want to hit u and Shake you

    I want to intimidate you and run at you and yell at you

    Stop believing this shit!!!!

    And beat u till you’re senseless till you don’t move

    Or resist so I can force you to change your belief but I don’t want that

    That sounds like. Horrible abuse trauma and not what I want in our relationship at all

    I feel guilty now for wanting that

    For sharing that I feel afraid

    U r too weak to hear this I’ve damaged u I hurt you

    I feel guilty

    I feel sick in my funny pouty in my mouth


    I want to heal all this

    Thank you for helping me

    I feel sad

    I feel ‘stuck’ in pouty mode



    I give myself permission to love my poutynesd and now I’m smiling 🙂

  450.  #451ruth on July 31, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Thtas ok daria

    I havent been specific about my situ, and i am not going to be, sorry

    But some things *are* fixed for me
    I appreciate your feelings and see whee you are coming from
    I wont say anything more about it, i can see it would distrub the good vibe on here , and for that i feel sorry and bad

  451.  #452FlowerChild77 on July 31, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Ruth…Rori says in her LoveScripts program that if you are in a committed relationship/married, etc. that you need to find a way to make it “ok for you.” (And this program shows you how.)

    It sounds like you already believe you have no choices. If you read more (or tell us what’s up) there may be some Rori advice and/or tools that you just don’t know about yet.

    Just my two cents <3

  452.  #453Dancing Siren on July 31, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Tonight I felt very, very hungry.

    I have eaten a chicken keiv with creamy peppercorn sauce, mashed swede/potato, cauliflower cheese, cramed spinach.

    LOTS of creamy stuff, and lots of calories.

    And its just what my body was telling me I needed. And what I felt I wanted.

    And now I feel really full up.

    Probably a bit too full up.

    But that is ok.

    And actually it would really feel quite good to have a cuddle.

    But that isn’t going to happen tonight I don’t think. Will go to bed in a minute and cuddle my teddy bear.

    At Al Anon (which I have been to in the past) they have this thing called HALT, which means stop if you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. I realised I was feeling all of these.

    Well, I have definitely taken care of the hungry bit! Lol… I still feel a bit angry, tired will get taken care of in a minute. I feel a bit less lonely talking on here, on Facebook and my Mum is in the lounge with me (although she is sleeping).

    Its not so bad.

    For the first time really I have thought that I am missing S.

    Oh I feel sad.

    But its important to remember all the icky feelings too, the fear and the crazy making knowing/feeling something was off but not really knowing what was going on.

    I miss going to his though.

    Oh well, other stuff will come along.

  453.  #454Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    I could take myself out…

    Nooo I have no shoes to wear

    It will feel boring

    It will take too long

    I dont want to get up

    I dont want to brush my hair

    I do t want to do it by myself! :,(

    I feel heart pain. Desperate sad powerless abandoned

    I feel awful

    I feel amazed I didn’t know I felt this way

  454.  #455Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    I don’t want to be left alone!

    I feel desperate and powerless


    I feel sobby

  455.  #456Olympia on July 31, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Hope everyone has been having a good day, and hugs to those who are struggling. These affirmations have put me in a mood since yesterday to be gentler to myself.

    I am meeting a guy I like at a bar tonight to see a band. I know I leaned forward by asking him, so I need to conjure my feminine energy for tonight!!

    MissStix’s story was incredibly moving. I feel like I do the same thing to myself (tear myself down even though I have a lot going for me – blind to how others see me) Thank you for sharing.

    OK, time to go shower and get beautiful feeling for tonight!! 🙂

  456.  #457Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Ruth – all about my mom, not you. Thank you for sharing and helping me heal

  457.  #458Jasmine on July 31, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Awww I’m such a sweetheart

  458.  #459Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    I feel guilty reading that someone feel bad… And that’s triggering my rage and defensiveness right now

    I feel rageful I feel not seen not heard

    I feel controlling

    I feel powerless

    I feel desperate

    I feel terrified

    I want to heal this

    I can barely handle feeling like this

    I want to blame someone

    I feel tight in my head

    I’m giving myself peisiiion To love feeling this way

    Wow cool that felt easy


    I feel scared again

    I feel out of control and powerless

    I feel insignificant

    I feel ‘weak’ and ashamed and paralyzed and panicked

    I feel on verge of trauma

    I feel intensed

    I give myself permission to love feeling this way


    I feel smily

    U feel chocked

    I give myself permission to love feeling this way



    That feels really good 🙂

    Wow Daria

    Hehe 🙂

    I feel compelled to think back and worry and feel bad again

    I give myself permission to love feeling that way

  459.  #460ruth on July 31, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    thank you flowe child and daria

    i just had the nastiest e mail and text and so i am going to try and deal with that
    I feel reallyhelpless now
    And angry, but nothing i can do


    Anyway, thank you

  460.  #461MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 2:45 pm


    Thank you for your comment. Looking back I believe you ate right. I can’t really pinpoint where it went wrong, but there is a lot of truth in what you said. We fed off each other in many ways and our feelings of inadequacy were definietly a part of that.

    Ahh first love…Can be beautiful and bright and heartbreaking and dark…

  461.  #462Daria on July 31, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Ruth – it feels so heartbreaking to read.the thoights of hopelessness and powerlessness
    I feel terrified my mom won’t heal, and I’ll never feel happy thinking of her

    I feel sobbing

    I feel so powerless

    I feel so A

  462.  #463Femininewoman on July 31, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    RadLove I use real estate. Keep the house on the market for the best offer.

  463.  #464MissStix on July 31, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    Feeling suddenly overwhelmed.

    I feel pride, and a slight sadness for my past self. I don’t keep a journal (maybe I should), so releasing things into words is having an effect today.

    I will do yoga. I’m glad it was brought up! It’s a new found love of mine. I started for my degenerated discs, and found peace, energy, and a languid body feeling yet un-matched by anything.

  464.  #465Sunshine on July 31, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    I’m feeling powerful and fearless and calm and tranquil.
    Today my iPod was stolen from my office. I almost didn’t report it to security because it has features that we aren’t allowed to have and I was afraid I might get suspended for a week.
    I embraced and breathed through all of the feelings about my precious iPod being stolen, then breathed into all of the feelings and images that were coming up around being afraid of “getting in trouble”. I chose not to act out of fear. I welcomed waves and waves of thoughts, feelings and emotions, and let them go.
    I called security and reported it, and ended up having a wonderful conversation with the guard on duty and we talked about love and yoga (which is very unusual given the area where I work)!
    For a while I amused myself with wondering what the person who has my iPod now would think about my crazy woo-woo music. I laughed and felt some embarassment as I thought of all of the conversations and arguments with myself I had recorded recently. I wondered if he/she would listen to any of my music and like it, or just erase it.
    And I got back to work, mellow, not a big deal…a few pangs of loss here and there but it’s so interesting to notice I almost feel like something is wrong because it just is No Big Deal. Meh. Goodbye sweet iPod, I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford another…how does it get any better than this?

    I wonder if this is what it’s like to live in peace, without being manic or obsessive or in pain and trauma all of the time? I thought of my Big Dream of creating a sacred birthing center in Hawaii that supports gentle birth and ocean birthing and of being a midwife…and it doesn’t have quite the pull, meaning, I don’t feel like it’s some unattainable thing that I’m longing for. I feel curious…I wonder what life will bring? I wonder if this is what the LOA teachers mean when they say when you are in vibrational attunement the ‘big’ stuff is just the next thing you are doing, it’s natural and easy and isn’t a huge leap.

  465.  #466ruth on July 31, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    But you are not responsible for your mom

  466.  #467bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    ruth, i don’t feel afraid of you or for you. i don’t feel afraid of hearing more or not knowing more : )

    i do want you to feel Powerful… & not helpless : ) but that’s only because i know you are ! : )))

    worst case scenario…..i’m going there in my mind….. still i can feel good because i know that i can always care for myself by breathing consciously, standing upright, taking it all in – a heroine of my own epic poem : ) you can be strong with words or with silence, with action or with inaction…. hmmm………….. feel a bit “lost” because i sense my own strong desire for “rapid change” – but i give up control. it’s just me in this life in my small body – but i’m connected to everything & nothing can hurt me… what a wonderful, exciting story. this life… very mysterious.

  467.  #468Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 3:06 pm


    461 – “RadLove I use real estate. Keep the house on the market for the best offer.”

    I feel unsure…are you referring to my house? I am a tenant, not an owner.

  468.  #469Daria on July 31, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    im feeling smily… i wrote a long post that got lost, and cried a lot

    this has been feeling so healing and i touched on feelings that i have felt afraid to touch


    🙂 smily mhmmm

  469.  #470FlowerChild77 on July 31, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    (((((Ruth))))) <3

  470.  #471Ella on July 31, 2012 at 3:12 pm


    Re 449,

    If you want to keep your situation to yourself that is totally your choice and fill your boots 🙂

    However do not worry about upsetting the good vibe on here… getting triggered and working through stuff and giving mutual support is a big part of what we are all about.

    And I personally have gained a lot this way. The women here are amazing and can sometimes see perspectives I wouldn’t even have thought of on my own.

    Anyway, as I said your choice, howeverr just feel free and not restricted.

    Rori even suggest we can use an alternate hidden identity here if we want to…


  471.  #472bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    you say, nasty email & txt ??

    i’m thinking…..”i feel angry hearing those words directed at me… i don’t want to engage with that energy right now, it just feels too draining for me”…………later maybe in person…… “i feel quiet when so much is said like that… i’m feeling a bit word-less at the moment, actually… i think i’ll take some time to walk down the road” ……….. come back ……… someone wants to keep talking…… “i hear you that you are feeling X & Y… but i’m still feeling Z….. i want to sit somewhere quiet & enjoy a glass of wine… what do you think?……ok thank you……” ……….. conversation starts peacefully… maybe days later…… “i feel what you’re saying… i feel it deeply…… & i do want to share with you so we can both feel good….. i’m feeling a little confused when you say A…. it would feel good to talk a little more about that…. i really want to understand you”…………….conversation gets tense……”hmm wow that is interesting… & actually i can tell that you have a lot to say about this…. i’d feel better to take a break right now. thank you for sharing & talking with me… i think i’ll go out & run some errands… it would feel nice to keep talking about this later… thank you” it can keep going forever… but there is no regressing ! there are no steps backward & it’s all progress. i believe that !

  472.  #473Dancing Siren on July 31, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Feeling a bit lonely tonight.

    And my muscles are aching.

    Actually feeling VERY lonely.

  473.  #474April Rose on July 31, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Today i had a second date with a guy who looks old enough to be my Dad, but who I perceive to be a good and masculine man!

    On the first date I kept telling myself that CDing is for the purposes of healing and for discovering myself in a man’s presence. I *decided* to like him, whoever he was, and to agree to a second meeting.

    Today I felt out of control, vulnerable, desperately teary.
    A mild asthma feeling had come into my chest as I was looking at clothes shops before the time of our appointment.

    I saw him approaching me at our meeting place. He was on the phone talking. He waved. I felt scared about my physical predicament. I was struggling to get a full breath. I had no medication with me. I stood next to him as he spoke on the phone, but I looked away, struggling with my feelings and my shortness of breath.

    He stopped talking on the phone after a couple of minutes, saying it was his daughter he’d been talking to. He’d touched my leg (to reassure me) whilst on the phone.

    He asked me how I was. I said I didn’t feel too good and felt like fainting. He said sit down and take deep, slow breaths. I felt panicky. I asked him to walk me to my bus. He said he would drive me to his house. I felt even more panicky then.
    I realised my brain was searching for a way to rescue me. I was looking for an escape.

    He asked my some humdrum questions. I felt the effort of talking was weakening my breath further. I began to feel angry. Why couldn’t he sympathise better with my physical distress?

    I began to cry. I felt so lost and hopeless. And weak.
    My brain began to tell me this must look weird to him.
    I couldn’t help it.
    I carried on crying and feeling sad and helpless, and catching myself feeling surprised to be weeping there in front of an almost-stranger in the middle of a busy city centre!

    He stayed very calm and encouraged me to sit quietly and relax.

    I also felt shocked at my judgement of him. In the first meeting I gave him the benefit of all doubts. This made me feel strong and compassionate and powerful.
    Now, I allowed the doubts, the ‘what-ifs’.
    What if he is not quite the gentleman he seems? What if he is trying to get me to go to his house?

    I felt afraid. I felt a self-preservation strategy coming on. I agreed to hang out for an hour having a drink before the next bus. I stated firmly that I was going to take that bus.

    He walked me to the bus. On the way, I judged him and his conversation as boring. I could see my vibe was affecting him, but he carried on chatting to me about this and that.

    He mentioned taking me out again. “Not likely” I whispered to myself under my breath.

    I got on my bus, glad for the peacefulness of my own company and solitude.

    I feel silly. For going out with him again. I had actually looked forward to it. I felt so awkward. I hate feeling like that. I felt cowardly for not accessing and expressing all of my true feelings.

    I was able to express some of my feelings to him. But I found myself beating myself up for feeling unable to express myself further in feeling messages.

    April Rose, please love yourself and congratulate yourself on your babysteps, sweet girl. Rome wasn’t built in a day.

  474.  #475Radlove on July 31, 2012 at 3:27 pm


    Me too.

  475.  #476bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    dancing siren… this probably sounds super weird, but i’m up at strange hours sometimes & i lived alone for a long time & i’d be writing & just start feeling so desperately alone… & there is a website called “chat roulette” that randomly connects your webcam with another webcam… it is USUALLY creepy LOL…. many men with their parts exposed…. lol…… BUT it is also USUALLY full of totally normal random humans from around the world : )) some people will have it at a party or a couple of kids at a sleepover…… LOL i’m probably going to get in trouble some day because of stuff like this, but it’s a fun easy way to make yourself cry laughing & to instantly “connect” with other people : ) ((((((((((DancingSiren))))))))))

  476.  #477FlowerChild77 on July 31, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    ((((Dancing Siren))))

  477.  #478bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    someone brought me some calamari salad (??lol) at work today…… so i’m going to take my laundry to the laundromat & go have a glass of wine & eat the remains of this silly salad & read an Oprah magazine. i feel disproportionately excited about this very simple plan… : )

  478.  #479bloom-ing on July 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    (((((April Rose)))))

  479.  #480Daria on July 31, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    Thanks Ruth – i feel anger for all the times i didn’t feel loved or encouraged by my mom due to her having believed beliefs that felt bad and that incapacitated her

    i feel furious and like ive been robbed

    it feels really challenging for me to just feel this and not blame anyone