After 35 Years Of Marriage It Ends Badly – What Now?

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“Hi Rori, I feel so helpless. I was happily married for 35 yrs, when one day my husband made some bad business decisions, involved my family in it, and our marriage was destroyed. I had a childhood friend that had gone through a divorce of 33 yrs and I was trying to help him through it for a year before my divorce. When I was going through my divorce he was my strength and we talked day and night.

He had a live in girlfriend that he complained so much about I couldn’t figure why he kept her. One week he came into my city for training and we both felt sparks.It was so intense for me I couldn’t believe it. He went back moved his girl out and asked me to marry him. We live 12 hours away from each other and our talks continued. Our first disagreement he moved her back and said he regretted it…but kept her.

I started dating someone else and he got jealous..I tried to love this new guy but all that kept me tied to him was that he kissed just like my first guy. He felt it and it ended. The moment my first guy found out he wrote me a long love letter and said he would not risk losing me again and again marriage plans were made. The date was set and we met for a beautiful weekend at the beach where he was to give me my ring.

Instead I found out he hadn’t told his live in girl about his decision and even said “Give her some dignity” needed time..I broke it off and ignored him for 4 months but I can’t let him go. I have tried so many times..No one compares to how I feel for him. I know you will say let him go…but how???? Please tell me how..We have so many things in common..I wish I could date a lot of men like you say but at 56 it is hard..We are ‘friends’ now but he knows how I really feel. He says he is confused.Everyone tells me I am a fool..I am addicted..help! Millie”

My Answer:

Dear Millie,

There is no such thing as a “confused” man when it comes to love.

At least not a confused GOOD man.

Your man seems perfectly content to play you like a yo-yo.

Though it seems he can’t seem to choose between this other woman and you, it seems to me he’s playing each of you off the other.

It may seem like she’s the one getting the short end of the stick, and that he loves you but is simply “confused,” – but to me it seems like his relationship with that other girl is the one that’s sticking, and you come into the picture only when that one goes bad for a spell.

Ignoring him is the only way to go, so I congratulate you.

And dating other men is the only way to go.

Believe me – 56 is young!

I work with women of 66 and up, and they have as much or more success than anyone.

It’s all in your attitude, and how willing you are to use my techniques.

***This is pretty much a conversation starter.

Have you ever felt addicted and completely “out-to-sea” like Millie? Can you feel for her – or is your immediate instinct to judge her?

I identify totally with the humiliating experience of ignoring all kinds of signals, getting taken in, and fooled – though not this close to a “ring.”

How about you?

Love, Rori

647 Comments

  1.  #1Daria on August 1, 2011 at 7:39 am

    first111



  2.  #2Daria on August 1, 2011 at 7:39 am

    lol

    that felt triggring



  3.  #3Daria on August 1, 2011 at 7:41 am

    my first instinct – judge her

    now what?

    feeling agressive today



  4.  #4Daria on August 1, 2011 at 7:42 am

    i also feel for her

    also this reminds me of my situation with Guywho when he had a live in gf



  5.  #5Daria on August 1, 2011 at 7:58 am

    fuchk fuchk fuchk!!! i feel like cussing!!! i feel energetic and RARRH and i don’t even know what this is about!!!

    im feelking confused about it it might not even be my energy!!

    but RARRRGH

    i feel like attacking just because i feel like RARRGH

    get off me how dare you attack me ugh

    feelig ANGRY eff fu

    efff u u fake ass traitor!!!

    eff u

    i love me



  6.  #6la chiquita bonita on August 1, 2011 at 7:59 am

    I feel angry. I feel angry because I can relate. Its so frustrating when I am stuck and when I want something so bad. Its like our head plays all kinds of tricks on us when we love someone..we could find an excuse for all the bull that a man can do. Its clear cut like rori says a good man isnt confused when it comes to feelings. But when we cant accept that we get all “psychologist” and want to explain/ rationalize/ and understand the man so that we feel good and fill in the empty gaps with creative information that we made up. “hes scared” “he really loves me thats why he wont commit because of how scared he is to that love” “hes just being patient and letting a good thing take time so that he wont mess it up” ” he saving me for later and having his fun now might as well let him so he can get it out of his system” ” we are meant to be because we tie our shoelace the same lmao” …
    I feel angry with myself because I am her and have been her many times. Its annoying and Im just frustrated to have to work so hard inside my thoughts. I feel better thinking its my creativity energy tunneled in the wrong way, i should just focus on my music and dancing and fun creativity and put the men to freakin work let them sit at home trying to figure out how to get me not the other way around!



  7.  #7Daria on August 1, 2011 at 8:00 am

    fuchk u for not getting my dreams!

    fuchk you for not gtting me meme emmememe and turning on me when i fuchkin LOVED u ugh i HATE you now and i want to calll you a bitch but i won’t becaus i FUCHKIN like the word BITCH

    its so fchikn powerful and earthly WOLFESS sexual BITCH

    UGHH

    i can’t even use it as an insult

    BUAAAHHHH

    EFFF UUUU



  8.  #8Daria on August 1, 2011 at 8:02 am

    i like that about my creativity energy tunneled the wrong way – i conceptualize the same – love your wording



  9.  #9la chiquita bonita on August 1, 2011 at 8:42 am

    thanks Daria! yeah i learned it in therapy I feel really good about it too because it turns a neg to a positive I was beating myself up because I start to circle around my thoughts and also “fill in the space” with my own ideas that I make up…especially in relationships.
    When the therapist told me Im really creative I wanted to hug her because I felt so good to feel like Im not atleast that crazy and it can be a good thing if channeled the right way. I feel good telling you this I feel healing and I feel you are a great person to tell. I feel excited with this concept!



  10.  #10Patricia on August 1, 2011 at 8:43 am

    I can totally relate to “Millie’s” situation Rori….getting out of a marriage is perfect breeding ground for a quick intense affair to help us feel better…..we attract what we think we need but it’s often a rebound relationship…..and it often involves someone who’s just as confused, though it may be from different dynamics in their own situation….after my separation there were a couple of men (unhappy in their marriages) who got involved with me……it made me feel better…..made them feel better……and it was intense! but after a few months it felt unsettling especially when it becomes clear that things aren’t all we imagine them to be……this can be very painful…..

    I think once there’s a separation there needs to be individual time to lick one’s wounds and heal…..6 months to a year of well invested time in ones self to reinvent life……….divorce proceedings can get held up and delay things…..but a clear mind and clear open heart is the only way to begin anew in my view…….

    just my two cents…. 🙂



  11.  #11alias girl on August 1, 2011 at 9:04 am

    thank you, rori, for providing this information in the way that you do with the love that you do.

    omg. i feel so appreciative.

    my life feel so full of potential to me so often.

    and almost all (all?) the men i interact with that poof or do weird things… come back to try again.

    thirdtry cd just texted and asked if i wanted to go for a hike?

    huh?

    and i feel so ok with all this. even the really weird ones who would have felt super toxic before now it’s more like i cock my head and think “hmmm that is some interesting behavior.”

    and i feel compassion and sometimes amusement because i have displayed some very interesting behavior of my own at different moments… lol.

    i feel accepting and appreciative and excited to start my day today. 🙂



  12.  #12Camille on August 1, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Good Morning Sirens!
    Just wanted to post I had a major breakthrough yesterday………..was able to stay grounded and use Roris tools through out the day (which could have turned ugly at several moments had I not been AWARE)………IN A NUTSHELL………used the tools and my evening ended with making love (its been a while) and a good morning kiss and “have a great day”……..its been months since that occured. I am so excited and happy ……….ITS WORKING! ITS WORKING! AND ONCE IT CLICKED IN MY MIND IT IS EVER SO EASY!



  13.  #13Nadia on August 1, 2011 at 9:09 am

    I can relate to Millie as well. From my experience, it sounds like she is putting too much importance in having a man, rather than finding happiness within herself. To commit herself to a confused man, one who doesn’t have clarity about the certainty of his love for her, sounds like settling. Millie deserves no less than to feel cherished and adored by her man, without sharing him.



  14.  #14Corin on August 1, 2011 at 9:14 am

    My first instinct was definitely to judge this lady, firstly for the way the end of her marriage was described and then for getting into a new one when he had a live in girlfriend. I have ignored signs that all was not well in the past. My most serious ex was taking me to look at houses to buy, discussing how far they were away from schools for our future kids, etc. Then he broke up with me in a manner that I told myself was completely out of the blue and in a very cold manner. I then continued telling myself the story that I’m the girl who always gets dumped for the next two years and subsequent break ups. It’s really only in the last couple of weeks that I’ve been able to more fully accept my part to play. Often the men were simply the ones who had the courage to say what I was already feeling.

    I’m starting to believe that this only occurs when we remains in our heads and keep telling ourselves some fantasy of what’s going on rather than remaining in our feelings and being honestly present with what actually is.



  15.  #15Camille on August 1, 2011 at 9:15 am

    now for a second post, on the topic. LOL
    I can so relate to Millie also and completely agree with Patricia, at the end of a marriage it is so nice to fall into the first possibility of a relationship and they are intense because we are so emotional at that time and so yearning for everything we were living without for so long. I know for me some PASSION was a biggie. And just as the universal law states I attracted some, everything I attracted was extreme…….extremely good and extremely bad in other areas. I think when you are going through a divorce its such a great time of self discovery again and looking back when I was searching for my self……I found it all the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it, but I’m thankful for every single experience I had with myself, it was such a wonderful discovery.



  16.  #16Nadia on August 1, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Corin, you said it. Being honestly present with what is going on is key for me. I’ve lived in the fantasy of potential way too often. This seems to be what Millie is stuck in now. Once I began to value myself and what I really wanted for myself, it made it easier to stop dating men for their potential because that only got me frustration. But doing so requires honesty with yourself and with others!



  17.  #17DE on August 1, 2011 at 9:33 am

    I don’t feel like judging Millie…I feel like giving her a big bear hug…filled with compassion and love…her story reminds me of parts of myself…

    It feels beautiful to be able to love…to fall in love…
    even the pain that comes from feelings of disappointment, hurt, etc…it feels cleansing…it takes you to a different realm of understanding and compassion of yourself and others…if u soo choose…



  18.  #18DE on August 1, 2011 at 9:34 am

    ups…subscribing



  19.  #19Emoticon on August 1, 2011 at 9:34 am

    What a coincidence.

    I feel so happy and relieved that this is the post for today. I jus got through texting this guys “other girl” and I feel so happy that we can see eye to eye and help each other.

    She let me know what he was saying to her and I let her know what he was saying to me.

    I feel relieved that i no longer have to waste my time on him n his bullshxt. Like i told her he has a lot of growing up 2 do. He is confused and not fit to be wit me at all.

    She agreed wit me and said she is done with him. So am I. I do not feel good about having to be in a situation where I am sharing a man with another girl every time he goes down south on vacation.

    I can definitely relate to Millie. I do not judge her at all. I feel very sympathetic for her. I feel grateful to Rori for addressing this today. I wish i could send a link to the girl i was talking to. I feel like really sending it to her. Because a GOOD man is not confused about his feelings and we both deserve GOOD men. I feel like she is a great girl and feel bad for both of us being lied to and played like that.



  20.  #20Senior Lady Vibe on August 1, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Hello world. I’m thankful that August has arrived and I’m feeling happy and excited.

    Yippee! Going to read Rori post now…

    😀

    xoxo



  21.  #21DE on August 1, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Brenda:

    Gosh, i read your post on the other thread 🙂 I feel sooo happy to hear that !!!! Yes, yes, yes…it’s happening!!! Abundance and happiness for Brenda!!

    Warm hugs,



  22.  #22Camille on August 1, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Alias girl,
    I was reading your older post from this weekend about riffing and I wanted to share, dont think that putting those feelings out there are detrimental “riffing” is very much like doing a wheel of appreciation” to get back into the vortex. just keep going until you find a better thought, and the next better feeling thought. Its necessary to feel all the emotions because that is your guidance scale for being in the vortex



  23.  #23DE on August 1, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Wowwww…

    I read some posts here and compare it to mine…gosh, so revealing…

    I notice feeling judgmental of others behavior when i have unfinished “business” and negative energy within myself around an issue…

    Now, I finally connect with the place where Tinque’s love and acceptance comes from…how beautiful and peaceful it feels…



  24.  #24Areial on August 1, 2011 at 10:34 am

    WONDERFUL POINT!!!!!!!!!!!!! (needed this)



  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on August 1, 2011 at 10:50 am

    @689: la chiquita bonita
    Playing around with makeup sounds like fun. I plan to do that soon…

    @676: ice Princess
    IMHO, pass on that guy. He’s married with children and baggage. He also might be one of the guys who makes a hobby of collecting photos of women online…

    @Jade
    I’m not in a clique on the blog. I missed the “free offer” you referred to. I didn’t comment on your post about your LD relationship because you mentioned it had already ended.

    However, on second thought I’ll say that if the guy was limiting your contact to one phone call a week due to distance, that is not necessary. I might jump off on this topic with a long post later this summer. Although keeping flames burning bright might require face to face physical presence, there can be a lot of ember fanning to keep things white hot in the meantime. Skype is very easy to use and free. You could “have coffee together” every morning if you wish…

    😀

    xoxo



  26.  #26Patricia on August 1, 2011 at 11:14 am

    SLV
    “Although keeping flames burning bright might require face to face physical presence, there can be a lot of ember fanning to keep things white hot in the meantime. Skype is very easy to use and free. You could “have coffee together” every morning if you wish…”

    I appreciate these comments……reminding us that relationships have more options than ever to help us stay connected…..

    well….I opened myself up to more dating this summer after reading Rori’s material…..I live in a smaller urban centre about 75,000 people and the next bigger city is easily 3 hrs away….no one was showing up in this city for me and my job leaves a good number of them “off limits” due to conflict of interest…..so lo and behold I got back into eharmony and after a month or so after 30 matches….a fellow who lives 7hrs away has taken great interest……..after emails and some texts and first phone calls…he now texts throughout the day, emails when we feel like it (which is almost each day…sending photos etc.) and we chat nightly/every second nigh or so……and HE”s amazing! And I don’t mean that I [‘m projecting all this stuff onto him…I’m following many of Rori’s ideas and they work marvellously…and he responds in kind. We will meet (he is driving here) in less than two weeks and it feels promising….yes with both feet on my ground…..his words were “there is something at the end of this road that I’ll travel on to see you that I find very interesting and I’m not going to let distance get in the way”……wow……if we meet and it goes well……I’m going to have to think about my hesitation for LD relationships….you remind me that in this day and age they are not the same as they were 10-20 years ago………there’s something actually modern about them for a middle age couple that each has a business to run, an elderly parent to be near……can’t just up and move right away….have to let life evolve….I like the idea of letting relationships grow organically like has been explained here on the blog…….

    SLV I hope you jump off with this topic here on the blog sooner than late summer!!!

    🙂



  27.  #27Corin on August 1, 2011 at 11:15 am

    23- DE.

    Yes, that’s very much the awareness that I’m currently gaining. I will be able to release judgements when I have acceptance of my own stuff and stop giving my power away to men and hating on them for abusing what they did with what was not theirs to have anyway.



  28.  #28alias girl on August 1, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    #22 camille thank you. 🙂 i feel ease and smiling to read that and i resonate with what you wrote. i like how you tied riffing back to abraham and the focus wheel or wheel of appreciation. i feel more solid that riffing is beneficial to get back to happy. 🙂 and i feel happy about that!



  29.  #29Emoticon on August 1, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    Never ME again. I feel like he has done this b4. I’m the the “constant one” but every time something goes wrong he runs 2 the arms of someone else n then comes back apologetic and begging for forgiveness and TRUST> How can I trust U? how can any of these girls trust you? At the end of every break u 4get about them and your back here?? You have no place here any more. i am IGNORING the SHIT outta him henceforth.



  30.  #30alias girl on August 1, 2011 at 12:37 pm

    i had a meeting today at ten that was really for tomorrow but it had been a miscommunication and

    and

    i responded in a way that i feel really good about and i got a really nice gentle, respectful, response back.

    and

    it worked out perfect because i ran into this person that felt great to catch up with and i wouldn’t have seen her if not for the ‘error.’

    aw. i feel so cared for.

    oh and i was trying new behavior and this girl was sharing all these things with me and i started to go back to “only a listener” mode and started to feel bad.

    then when there was a nice opening i shared that i felt panic about a certain situation in my life and this person was so kind and encouraging and generous with her time. and i felt POSSIBILITY within human relations again.

    and i felt very proud of taking a risk, opening up, being vulnerable and receiving.

    yae. 🙂



  31.  #31Luzydel on August 1, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    I cannot identify how I feel….maybe hopeless. I just feel tired of meeting men who are “screwed” up emotionally. I am not here to heal a man. I know we all have issues, but when can I meet a man with self awarness and no hidden agendas who is willing to have a relationship with me. I don’t mind cding, but I feel frustrated and lonely, but I cannot jump into a mans arms if he is not healing like I am.



  32.  #32FlowerChild77 on August 1, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    I didn’t feel the need to judge Millie. Being married for 35 years must feel like a ‘lifetime’—and I can only imagine how hard it is to move on. Becoming so deeply attached to to the first man she gets involved with afterward seems very understandable. I think it’s wonderful that she found Rori!

    FW, you posted a link in #397 in the last thread. When I click on it, I get a blank page with the link you gave in the address bar. It seems to be a pdf document. I’m very interested to know what it is that you posted. 🙁

    Brenda…I’m SO happy for you! Your post about your latest CD made me really smile!

    Jeannette…((((HUGS)))) to you. My first husband passed away at 41 and I still miss him to this day. Of course it does get easier as time goes by, but the feelings are still very real. We were also young sweethearts (he was seven years my senior, but I was only 14 and still in HS when we met.) We had two sons together and my oldest son, now 31, looks SO eerily like his dad that it ‘spooks’ me sometimes. I do believe he was my soul mate and I can very much relate to what you must be feeling. (I don’t believe in just one soul mate for each of us—that would be crazy…and quite depressing. There are many, for each of us to choose from.)

    He was also ill and I try to remind myself that he is no longer suffering and that he loved me so very much that I know he would want me to be happy and have a life full of love. And I’m sure the same thing is true about Steve for you… >3



  33.  #33Senior Lady Vibe on August 1, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    @FlowerChild77, I read Rori’s newsletter and it seems there is an indication that “questions” are OK, at least in some situations. The following wise words from Rori seem like something that I would do.

    I’d like to know that a man cares about my feelings. I’d like to know what he thinks about my expressed desires. I believe the question “What do you think?” is often included as part of an “FM.”

    Rori Raye: “Change Your Words To See If He’s Worth It” [excerpt]

    …You can talk about what it is you FEEL — that you feel good and warm when you’re connected in person and on the phone, and you don’t feel good when you’re not connected.

    You can actually come right out and say, specifically, that seeing him and hearing from him by phone at least four days a week is really important to you.

    Then you ask him where he is about that. You can ask him what he thinks. Ask him if he thinks there’s some way to make what you want and need happen for you.

    HIS ANSWERS WILL REVEAL WHAT HE’S TRULY CAPABLE OF

    If he doesn’t even want to make an effort to figure out how to make you feel better, then there’s your first clue that this man is not capable of real relationship…

    In fact, perhaps there is no “wrong.” Perhaps the way he is and the amount of effort he’s willing to put out for a real relationship is fine for some other women, but if it doesn’t do the job for you (and I don’t want you to tolerate not getting your needs met!), then it’s just not possible that HE’S for you…

    ~ Rori Raye
    ———————————
    😀

    xoxo



  34.  #34Daria on August 1, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Q: so tell me
    why is a beautiful woman like yourself on pof?

    dgirl: 🙂
    thank you for the compliment
    well it would feel great to meet men that are interested in me that i feel good around

    Q: i hear you on that
    shouldnt be hard but the problem is
    most guys on that site have zero manners and dont know how to treat a woman

    dgirl: ohhh
    that doesnt feel so good to hear

    Q: thats why i was wondering why u were on it

    dgirl: (headshake)
    it doesnt feel that bad to me

    Q: so i take you are talking to a lot of guys then
    ?

    dgirl: lol
    it feels weird being asked that
    !
    i dont feel good talking about other guys with a man

    Q: lol ya well guys dont feel good talking to a girl that may be talking to a bunch of other guys

    dgirl: really
    ouch

    Q: lol not an insult to you hun

    dgirl: that feels bad

    Q: just the truth

    dgirl: oh
    i feel turned off

    Q: want me to leave you alone?

    dgirl: im not sure what to say

    Q: well i wrote you because im interested in you
    but if you already arent interested in me or im bothering you
    just be honest and ill leave you alone

    dgirl: hmm
    i feel uncomfortable
    i did feel interested in you

    Q: i see

    dgirl: but i feel judged a bit and a bit angry

    Q: well i wasnt judging you
    but like i said
    if you really want me to leave you alone just say it

    dgirl: im feeling confused

    Q: idk why
    ur talking to a really great guy who has a lot going for himself and a lot to offer and you are ready to throw it out the window over a truthful statement?
    im the one who should be confused

    dgirl: im feeling confused
    and a bit defensive
    i dont want to stop talking if i will feel better
    and i appreciate very much your telling me the truth
    and.. im an attractive woman and single… and men in general seem to like me
    i dont want to feel judged about that

    Q: well i like you very much
    and i never meant to offend you
    but i am a professional athlete
    and i dont really wanna waste time talking to someone if they are talking to liek 20 other guys
    and thats not aimed at u, just in general

    dgirl: okay

    Q: u can understand where im coming from

    dgirl: im not sure i understand
    but i am single and there are way more than 20 men that are interested in me
    and im not looking for a boyfriend
    i want to be married and have a family
    so i plan on being single and open to meeting people until something serious comes up

    Q: do you have a cam?

    dgirl: yes

    Q: would u like to cam with each other?

    dgirl: okay 🙂 that might feel better

    ****

    Q: hey hun
    im sorry for being a jerk to you

    dgirl: aww
    thank u for apologizing
    that feels really good

    Q: i just didnt wanna feel like an idiot but i didnt mean to make u feel bad
    i really do wanna get to know u

    dgirl: aww 🙂
    (h)
    i feel smily
    i feel like shocked… ina good way



  35.  #35FlowerChild77 on August 1, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Wow, Daria! <3

    A perfect example of:

    Trust your boundaries
    Feel your feelings
    Use your words and…
    Be surprised!

    I'm happy for you and thank you so much for sharing the conversation. I like having examples to learn from 🙂



  36.  #36DE on August 1, 2011 at 3:03 pm

    Daria:

    Wow…that’s sooo awesome 🙂

    I love the part where u stay true to you…

    “but i am single and there are way more than 20 men that are interested in me
    and im not looking for a boyfriend
    i want to be married and have a family
    so i plan on being single and open to meeting people until something serious comes up”

    Yay…very inspiring 🙂

    Been using the no gf speech a lot lately…it felt so scary at first…now, i feel so much softer saying it…very nonchalantly and purrring my way through the speech…:)

    Warm hugs,



  37.  #37luzydel on August 1, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    So I get this eamil form an idot at POF!!! I feel so angry at it, Ifeel judged!

    “wow- you have been on this site for years- i cant believe your still on here .there must be major baggage there! ”

    Excuse me? I have been on POF for maybe about a year…Men can be so frigging judgmental…and who is he anyway? I don’t recall having any interaction with him.



  38.  #38Camille on August 1, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Daria,
    THANK YOU FOR SHARING! What a beautiful example
    I felt excited and smily just reading it and wanted to shoud YOU GO GIRL!



  39.  #39DE on August 1, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    Sigh…

    I didn’t respond to my ex message on Sat morning…till today…and i said:

    “it feels bad to read J visit is an inconvenience (he said he was at a loss as in inconvenience for having to have J for a week – which he offered to our son not to me; i initially agreed to 3 days my son is on a training schedule) …i appreciate the thought to help…yet the best help one can give is first asking what is needed…if you can make arrangements to visit with our son beginning sat or Sunday please let us know by Wednesday…thank you”

    His 1st response was “go to hell” for not breaking my boundary and giving in to his “preferable schedule”…

    and then he followed with “I can’t understand your broken english (not capitalized). J is not an inconvenience – u are. if monday is no good for u then I am sorry for J and disgusted by u. Using J as a pawn in u sick game of life between u and u false god (not capitalized).”

    In the past, my heart will beat so fast…and anger will build up so much…it would turn into severe headache…:(

    And now, after all these years…i feel sad…a bit tearful…responding to his message “wow…i feel attacked and disrespected…” it actually made me feel better…also not giving in to accommodate his schedule and create uncomfortable moments for me it makes me feel grounded… (sweating on a Monday early morning for him to make it on time after driving over 150 miles drive…or cancelling the last minute sooo many times…)

    Nowadays, I often find compassion for him…the aggression/anger twds me is actually twds his own failures (projections of self)…and for that i only can offer compassion…but to maintain this compassion I have to honor at all times what feels right and good to me and our son…otherwise, the resentment will build up…and with that a growing and poisonous anger…



  40.  #40Daria on August 1, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    DE – wow that sounds so difficult to interact with him…i feel for you

    and… some tweaks, since you are going to be dealing with this man around your son…

    you attacked him by telling him what to do “and yet the best help is… ”

    and so that energy likely triggered him to an attack response

    with difficult men it feels so challenging… the smallest shift in energy triggers them…

    and sometimes even if we’re open and soft… theres still no controlling the outcome… and we feel awful when we feel attacked



  41.  #41tinque on August 1, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Hello Gorgeous Goddesses, I started a FB fan page. Would you please LIKE my page. Thank you…

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Tinque-Sex-and-Heart/152539834823777?sk=wall

    xxoo



  42.  #42Daria on August 1, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    thanks ladies! i felt really good about the convo!



  43.  #43Daria on August 1, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    luzydel – i would go into my feelings with “wow i feel angry”

    even if i didn’t answer him



  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on August 1, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    @34: Daria says:
    “…dgirl: im not sure i understand
    but i am single and there are way more than 20 men that are interested in me
    and im not looking for a boyfriend
    i want to be married and have a family…”

    Go, Daria, go!!! 😀

    xoxo



  45.  #45luzydel on August 1, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    Yes Daria I feel angry! I had a stressful day at work, Two guys I like are giving me mixed signals and I am feeling confused about; and all I wanted was to read a nice email from POF and feel hopefull again…



  46.  #46tinque on August 1, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    luzydel – Yuck. This kind of message is just not worth your energy. It’s as much a lie as the nvs in your head. Next. Move on. Please don’t allow someone you have never met to tap into those lies.

    xxoo



  47.  #47Senior Lady Vibe on August 1, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    @37: luzydel says:
    “…’wow- you have been on this site for years- i cant believe your still on here .there must be major baggage there! ‘…”

    You have experienced a message from a deviant who arouses himself by sending these kinds of notes to random women; I doubt you have had any contact with him in the past.

    It’s nothing to do with you… just the hazards of online dating… like stepping in a little mud puddle after a rain shower in a lush green garden.

    😀

    xoxo



  48.  #48Daria on August 1, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    SLV – lol thanks!



  49.  #49Daria on August 1, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    luzydel – great for feeling and expressing those feelings

    i think Rori says to go with “aww” with those men… they LIKE US! and the only way they know how to relate, poor things, is to attack us and say stuff like that! poor dears



  50.  #50Daria on August 1, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    doesnt mean we actually have to engage with them

    but just take the attitude that

    1. they like us

    2. they are really doing the best they can

    3. we are of course awesome

    4. they’re like big scooby doos who don’t know any better way to relate



  51.  #51Daria on August 1, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    i just got a triggering message too

    i dont even want to type it

    mmmff



  52.  #52Daria on August 1, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    people are reallly loving my coaching!

    i feel so much more confident about being able to share in a way that inspires and resonates!

    go meee



  53.  #53Daria on August 1, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    meaning live people that i talk about this with offblog



  54.  #54Daria on August 1, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    not that my live blog ladies are not… live and soulful

    *muah*



  55.  #55luzydel on August 1, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Thanks Girls, I got other nice emails, but some how I felt triggered with this one. I blocked the guy and left it alone. I just feel a bit sensitive today, I feel lonely because my kid is spending this whole month with his father; I miss the contact of a man’s skin, but I know I get hung up with sex so I rather wait on that. I feel like crying for no particular reason, I just feel I have so much to offer and share and Cding is good, but I want more sometimes.



  56.  #56DE on August 1, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    Daria #40:

    Yes, thank you for your feedback…

    I really appreciate being heard and valued for my efforts Daria; dealing with incapable men is often more difficult when u have a history with them than when u do not 🙂

    I admit, sometimes I feel afraid I would only get the “not good” feedback 🙂

    I totally agree that me stating “yet the best help one can give is…” triggered the attack…

    I believe it would have been better had I stated “it would feel better to be asked what I need; i don’t like when my needs are assumed…” or something like that…

    What do u think?

    warm hugs,



  57.  #57Lilybelle on August 1, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    37:

    Luzydel~

    HE has been there for “years” obviously, too.

    Next.



  58.  #58FlowerChild77 on August 1, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Oh my gosh, Daria!! I’m laughing, here!

    >>>”4. they’re like big scooby doos who don’t know any better way to relate<<<"

    I understand what you mean and I'm thankful for this example from luzydel and your answer…but this just makes me chuckle! 🙂

    Thank you…I really needed something like this– a li'l pick-me-up! I'll be smiling for the rest of the evening!

    Seriously, though—I really appreciate how you explained it. I feel empowered now! 🙂



  59.  #59FlowerChild77 on August 1, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Yes, Lilybelle! I didn’t think of that right away—how does he know she’s been on there for “years” if he hasn’t been also?! With comments like that, it’s no wonder, too! 😉



  60.  #60Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Luzydel,

    Ick!

    Yes just like a gremlin NV! What a STUPID thing to say!

    I agree with Daria… poor dear, like the boys at primary school who used to ping elastic bands at us to get our attention when they liked us!

    xoxoxo



  61.  #61Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    One of my CDs said this to me:

    ‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift – that is wy we call it the present!’

    Awww.



  62.  #62Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Daria,

    I LOVE your responses to your guy from POF…77I have encountered so much similar stuff from guys recently… and had some of the answers, but reading your conversation there feels like filling in the blanks.

    I love how you stay totally in your feelings the whole time and don’t get drawn into any intellectual discussion or judging – feels brilliant and Sireny.

    I probably do FMs about half the amount you did there, and even then I feel afraid to do them. I keep expecting them to leave when I use my FMs and I keep being suprised when mostly they stay… 99% of the time.

    Or go and come back later.

    Oh and I love the version of the No Girlfriend speech. I esp like the bit about how you are not going to be exclusive until ‘something serious comes up’ this feels so much better when talking to a new guy than just ‘until I am married’… I always got stuck on this bit.

    Thank you – I am going to use that.

    xoxox



  63.  #63Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    Noticing how when I have nights out and I get those ‘urges’ to do whatever, I am inevitably in my masc energy, and trying to control everything.



  64.  #64Lilybelle on August 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Hot30yearolddude STILL is texting me and wanting to throw me down.

    I denied him….again.



  65.  #65Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Noticing how when I was on night out with J before in group and he was socialising with everyone else not me, and I was feeling hurt, angry and just bloomin awful really.

    And then when he did approach and offer me things I had a barrier up, and instead of expressing how I really felt I said I was ok.

    I did manage to express how I really felt later… but the night had been pretty icky by then.

    Noticing how then I started drinking tequila with his brother, instead of saying ‘I feel … and then trusting him to find a solution’

    And later he offered me sitting on the beach together as he was running out of money and I turned it down because I was feeling angry.

    I completely forgive myself. I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself and I feel glad that I am noticing.

    Noticing how men try to connect with me sometimes and the barriers I put up when I do not feel safe or strong enough to express my true feelings.

    What is good for future with men is to stand my ground and say how I really feel.

    That would look like the first time he made eye contact and mouthed ‘are you ok?’ and I nodded and pretend smiled and looked away, instead I would say ‘No’ and shake head.

    If he came to me I would express how I was feeling without blaming.

    ‘I am feeling a bit alone and uncomfortable at the moment. I am feeling pleased to be here and I’m enjoying the music and I am feeling really disconnected from you. I don’t want to be disconnected. What do you think?’



  66.  #66Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    Noticing how I am feeling angry in general and how I was feeling angry at J that he couldn’t or wasn’t doing what I wanted him to do.

    Expectations.

    Wondering how that angry energy vibe might feel to a man… how that may push men away.

    Wondering about this and about letting it go.

    Wondering how I can do EFT around this and just accept things exactly as they are and feel grateful for all the nice things men are bringing me…



  67.  #67DE on August 1, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Ella #66:

    yes, yes, Ella…this is IT!!!!

    Realizing these same things ab myself while in interaction with men and even people in general…is soooo healing…:)

    Each time I do it, the next time becomes easier 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  68.  #68Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    DE – Yes felt quite like an AHA moment for me…

    Now if only I can just remember and hold that idea… or maybe it will just sink down into my psyche anyway.

    Any ideas for what I could say to do EFT on healing that anger and accepting and appreciating what is being offered now?

    What words could I use when tapping?

    xoxoxox



  69.  #69Ella on August 1, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Dropping that anger and expectations like a lead ball.

    People can do what they want.

    If it feels nice I can say thank you I appreciae that.

    If it feels bad I can express or I have the option to leave.

    They don’t have to change what they are doing for me.

    And luckily I don’t have to tolerate anything I don’t want to.

    I am free as much as they to make my choices.

    🙂



  70.  #70Emoticon on August 1, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    I sent her the link. She commented on the blog. I don’t feel angry anymore. I don’t feel sad anymore. I still feel relieved. Like i was telling my friend, I need to either b with somebody better or be single. I can date around or not. I just need 2 b happy. I owe myself that much. So right now im jus gona do anything 2 make myself happy



  71.  #71DE on August 1, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    Ella:

    I noticed my anger builds after my “expectations” are not met…

    And weird so…nowadays, my expectations often steam from what people/men claim to do…and they for whatever reason(s) they chose not to…

    Yesterday evening for example, one of my CDs who is coming on strong with very “serious” statements and i feel blushing talking ab…made a statement about calling me later afternoon for us to do something…

    okay, so the following is a bit cheesy and i feel blushy sharing it…but i worked through it…and i really feel proud of myself…

    I spend my afternoon and early evening with my son…when he texted me and didn’t call as he said…i noticed feeling weird…then sad…he asked what was i doing…i responded…he then asked…are u now home?…i responded yes….he went on something ab wanting his evening kiss…yet, no plans, etc…

    i noticed tension building within me…i felt annoyed…

    i pondered over what i really felt…and where in my body…and i responded saying…”it’s beginning to feel bad this indecisiveness and back and forth texting”…
    at which he responded…”please don’t worry…everything will be fine…”
    i responded “wow…”….he said “ok”

    i felt pretty bad and a bit angry after…why? because i did not fully expressed my feelings …i didn’t want to rock the boat by saying to him what i was actually feeling…”i feel unheard, actually patronized, and kind of pissed…”

    So, next I really paid attention and really sink into my awful feelings…i felt tears and melting…then, i felt compassion for myself and forgiveness…which i then expanded twds him with my thoughts…and told myself…”back on my horse, back on my horse…”

    I felt soo good this morning…had four other CDs wishing me good morning including the guy i felt disappointment from…

    I created and felt the shift…it felt awesome…

    for every breakthrough i create for myself…i hold the feeling sooo tight…as a reminder to what it feels to get it right 🙂

    warm hugs



  72.  #72FlowerChild77 on August 1, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    DE, Ella…this is what I need to learn. I can so relate to the sinking feeling inside at the deep disappointment around not getting what I need. And after I realize what it is I’m feeling (and how he didn’t have a clue)–I’d get sad and feel helpless because it’s usually too late to backtrack and “fix” what I didn’t say, etc.

    Then I’d get angry and feel my face get all red and it felt like steam coming out of my ears because I’d be trying so hard not to cry and act like nothing was wrong. That’s the tipping point for me—if I don’t keep that in check, the next thing that happens is for me is…..DRAMA.

    You know…when they ask, “What’s wrong?” (or some version of that) and I try to stuff the feelings down, down, down because I feel embarrassed and humiliated. And by that time, if I try to utter any words at all they’re all the drama of NOT saying my truth. 🙁

    I’ve been practicing and using FMs and trying to stay authentic and it feels SO good. But I have so much more to learn.

    Thank you all so much for sharing how the tools are helping you. I’ll be able to order, probably two programs this week. I think because of my history it would be wise to get ‘Toxic Men’ for sure.

    I want to make sure I’ve healed all that needs to be healed so that I don’t make mistakes with xbf, as he is wanting me to come home (and I’m feeling like I want to go home, too.) But I’m STILL ‘free’ and I still have all the choices in the world! 🙂 I just want to make sure I am not ‘operating’ from old patterns and unhealed hurts.

    I’d like to hear if any of you have ‘Toxic Men’ and how it’s helped you. I’m very excited about being able to actually order this. My history with toxic men goes back to birth…I just can’t seem to shake it, and I thought I did with this man. But now I’m not sure because I found Rori and all of you—but I’m willing to learn so I can find real love and intimacy. I need to make sure the man I love so much is really able to do relationship….or if I’m fooling myself. I’m not sure if the hesitation I feel is “my stuff” (fear of intimacy) or if it’s because he isn’t able to be what I need. I can see/feel that he’s really trying, but….I have to be sure.



  73.  #73DE on August 1, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Flowerchild:

    Yes, yes, get the Toxic program…it was mind blowing to me…i discovered so many patterns and beliefs about myself…Rori does an amazing job at painting the picture for me ( i am very visual) and also tactile…where her tools help me go within myself and connect to a part me of i ignored or was afraid to accept…

    yes, yes…strongly recommended!!!

    warm hugs,



  74.  #74Lercomari on August 1, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    lol. Millie is my mother’s name. 🙂 I can relate to her. There is a guy who I had a conflicted, complicated non-relationship with for three years. He and his gf have been together for eight years…at least I assume they’re still together. We haven’t really talked for months…but god, I still love him. He’s the first person I ever loved and he loved me just as crazily in return.
    Mine sounds just like Millie’s sitch…instant chemistry, marriage plans, the other girl in the picture..except I was still married when we met. At the breaking-down, tail end of my marriage, but still married nonetheless.
    So after a lot of arguing and back and forth and dramatic movie-like climax, he just stopped contacting me…except when he friended my mom on FB a month ago and wrote HER a note asking how she’s doing. Still not sure what that was all about.
    Even now I’m still not sure what to do about my feelings for him. He lives in Ghana and even today I was thinking about calling him and letting him know I’m coming there in October…in the hopes that something had changed…
    In any case, I don’t understand why Rori is saying there’s no such thing as a confused man…isn’t it human to be indecisive concerning decisions at times?



  75.  #75alias girl on August 1, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    #71 DE lovely. i feel appreciative of you. 🙂



  76.  #76Virginia Feingold Clark on August 1, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    Hey Rori, I so agree with your comment about “no such thing as a confused man” Confusion is just an excuse for not having to making a decision. As long as he’s confused, he doesn’t have to do anything…



  77.  #77Lercomari on August 1, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    I haven’t heard from Techie in a couple days. He went out of town to Atlanta for the weekend. I don’t know if he’s back or not. I should consider he’s been helping his friend relocate across the country and he mostly likely is very sorry he missed my birthday. He said he bought me a present…but I still feel angry at him for not doing better. I feel disappointed because I wanted to spend my birthday with him. And I feel angry AND disappointed that I’ve barely heard from him at all in the past three days. Thinking about it makes me teary-eyed.
    The Banker, the guy from three years ago (Smiley), and Techie…of all the men in my life that are nuts about me, I click most with the three who are most unavailable. Augh. Though I will say that the Playwright feels good to me. And Zuo feels even better. I feel happy thinking about seeing them in October when I go to Ghana.



  78.  #78Lercomari on August 1, 2011 at 10:02 pm

    @Alias girl, English woman,

    Thanks for reading my last post. I feel happy knowing it made you both feel good. I also feel happy that I’m learning so much.



  79.  #79DE on August 1, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    Alias Girl # 75

    Aww…i feel touched 🙂 Thank u dearly lovely Goddess 🙂

    warm hugs,



  80.  #80DE on August 1, 2011 at 10:18 pm

    Just returned from a lovely walk by the river with T…the CD I felt disappointed with last nite…

    We had awesome conversations…i felt calm, open and warm…

    I followed up on a statement he made to me last Sat…that he never dated a woman like me before…so open, warm, big goals, etc…and that makes him feel nervous but in a good way cause it keeps him on his toes…and he likes that …

    i took his explanation as a compliment…although i expressed feeling a bit concerned that because of it he may withheld from being himself…

    i feel/felt good for expressing my concerns…and very relieved…:)

    kissing felt ‘formidable”…and noticed the hand holding became tighter and stronger towards the end of our walk…:) i felt so attracted to him 🙂

    it was a good day overall 🙂

    giving myself a tight hug tonite!!!

    thank u DE for making wonderful choices for us today 🙂



  81.  #81English Woman on August 1, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    #6 la chiquita bonita

    Some very good and valid points (excuses made for men) in your post. Haven’t we all done it though? I sure know I have. 🙁

    I came here last night and wondered why the blog was so quiet, I didn’t realise you had all moved onto the next one LOL!! Time to catch up!!



  82.  #82English Woman on August 1, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    On another note, I just had an email from my son (36) telling me that his ex is getting married to another man next month, and he seems a bit upset about it, and is asking “Why do I pick the wrong women and get so hurt” type of thing. He is like some of us women who fall deep……….

    I am just wondering if I can somehow help him with words without telling him what to do??

    Anybody know of any good resources for men?



  83.  #83English Woman on August 1, 2011 at 11:34 pm

    #14 Corin

    “I’m starting to believe that this only occurs when we remains in our heads and keep telling ourselves some fantasy of what’s going on rather than remaining in our feelings and being honestly present with what actually is.”

    YES YES YES!!!!

    Thank you for this gift.



  84.  #84English Woman on August 1, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    #26 Patricia

    Here’s hoping!! Do please keep us updated 🙂

    I didn’t get to the Zumba class last night it was on from 6pm to 7pm and I didn’t get home from a busy day until 10 to 7 🙁

    Never mind I have found another for Thursday night, I WILL get to the Zumba ball LOL!!



  85.  #85English Woman on August 1, 2011 at 11:49 pm

    #34 Daria

    Wow oh wow!! Thank you so much for sharing that convo, it showed me how this stuff works, thank you for your gift. 🙂



  86.  #86Daria on August 2, 2011 at 12:00 am

    🙂

    am feeling lovely today!

    noticing i often feel anxiety around my mother and father… OFTEN

    sometimes i feel good and loving around my mother,

    but very often i feel anxiety and am expecting an attack or to feel neglected/ignored

    her ‘mood’

    i wonder …

    perhaps to start expressing that i feel anxious?



  87.  #87Daria on August 2, 2011 at 12:31 am

    sugar tastes so strong and overwhelming to me after a week of not having it, or breads either



  88.  #88Daria on August 2, 2011 at 3:43 am

    yay i self hypnotized myself to feel sexual pleasure and it felt so good to have an orgasm! yay me i felt more gentle and loving

    i feel glad i inspired myself with self hypnosis… i can use it for many things



  89.  #89Daria on August 2, 2011 at 4:49 am

    there is Nothing

    but *beauty* at the end of time …

    and *I* am there

    give me the spiral

    the beauty in the garbage and the ugliness

    the sickness is the way of healing

    will i be sick forever? molesting and torturing soulness

    i grow wide and my anger lights up my outer circle boundaries with fires

    i am green and purple i am putrid

    mother earth will eat me

    and spit me out at the end of time

    writhing celestial

    with the worms

    the cat that ate the kittens

    and the phoenix that did not let him in

    i cannot bear i cannot bear

    brrr goes the bear

    we are just birthing

    through sticky tunnel that we’re flying by

    helpless and magnificent

    for an instant i saw

    the shiness in the blackness

    there were more than two

    less than one

    for an instant i grew

    for an instant i rocked the child

    i feel frustrated with myself

    and my complications

    for an instant i gave up

    i feel like i cant take this

    i am bursting i am little pillows

    i am torn apart now

    i am laugh

    there was the end of time

    and *I* was there

    and *I* am here now

    and i feel sick

    and i feel like i can’t take it

    and *I* am at the beginning

    laughing

    i stuck my foot in the mud

    my foot got dry

    and now im footless

    my tail swung me over

    and i bashed my teeth

    and now im toothless

    and i feel like i cant take it

    my heart aches my heart aches!

    i shake my fist at you ME

    where is the love

    ah yes

    the love like a fruitrollup

    i razor it down with my new rodent razors

    i feel tired

    my heart beats

    the fur on my butt shines light brown

    i feel warm

    i give up



  90.  #90luzydel on August 2, 2011 at 4:49 am

    I was feeling all low yesterday, nostalgic, lonely missing male companionship. Today is just another day; I had 10 messages from POF 🙂 I want to meet a serious guy that can give me what I want, but in the mean time I will just CD since he has not arrive yet.

    D tetxs me some times, I respond nicely, but I do not ask him for anything, nor I am expecting him to jump over a bridge for me anymore. He is somewhere in my life and was special…time to let go. FB_relationship guy is sort of giving me the cold shoulder. He contacts me, but it feels so cold and I feel blocked by him. He is not over his GF, even when he said he is when we met and talked last Saturday…time to let go.

    we will see what messages these next guys will bring to me.



  91.  #91Mel on August 2, 2011 at 5:29 am

    Is it typical for a man to start dating immediately after separating from his wife?

    I feel so sad about this. I feel like perhaps I didn’t really mean a whole lot to him. He told me he’s not ending the marriage because he’s interested in anyone else. He said that a relationship is the last thing from his mind. Yet, he’s already dating. This feels horrible.

    Perhaps we have different ideas around the “why” of dating. For me dating would be to find someone I want to have a relationship with.



  92.  #92Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 5:37 am

    Mel I believe dating is for fun that could help with boredom. Rori teaches circular dating for therapy. Some people use dating to get clear on what they want in a relationship and end up going back to their ex when they realize it is going to take a long time for new people to get to know them and for them to feel like they can be themselves.

    I have also read you have to know what you don’t want to be clear about what you really want.



  93.  #93Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 5:38 am

    Don’t know if it is typical but I have seen it. I have also come to accept that some guys just need to be in a relationship.



  94.  #94English Woman on August 2, 2011 at 5:44 am

    #91 Mel

    I believe it IS more common for men than women though I have no idea why, maybe they miss the TLC they got used to…….

    I know you are still living in the same house as your stb ex but that is really insensitive of him.

    When I got divorced my ex and I were 49 and the next thing he had a 25 year old girlfriend!!!! Although I did NOT want him back I have to say it sure didn’t feel good…..:(



  95.  #95Mel on August 2, 2011 at 5:50 am

    He’s probably just out looking “for a good time.” Hopefully the girls he’s dating know that. Because I think that although there are always exceptions, most women date (even if they are dating many people) because they are trying to find their “one.”



  96.  #96English Woman on August 2, 2011 at 5:56 am

    On another note ladies, I was listening to Abraham this morning and Esther said in regard to relationships it’s not so much that we want somebody to love US but that we want to love another, so we should be loving all around us which kind of ties in with Rori’s vibe…….and I was wondering how that works in relation to loving yourself? Besides looking at yourself in the mirror and telling yourself you are loved, buying nice gifts for yourself, bubble baths, etc.

    Does anybody else have any good ideas here on how to get into the vibe of feeling as good as when you are in love with another and just feeling it as good for yourself?



  97.  #97Emoticon on August 2, 2011 at 6:04 am

    I get it when i get manicures and pedicures, when i get my hair done. When i just take a bunch of webcam pics of myself. when i just lay in my blanket and hug myself…. or read something on how i can improve in any aspect of my life. When i work out or do anything for myself really. Thats how i love myself and make myself feel loved. Thereby feeling loved and loving all at once



  98.  #98Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 6:25 am

    When I dance and just get into my body I feel really good. Also when I connect with kids. I just love babies.



  99.  #99Corin on August 2, 2011 at 6:38 am

    On the theme of things we can do to make us feel loved/ loving. I’m reading ‘Calling in the one’ at the moment and she suggests a yoga/ meditation thing of sitting crossed legged on the floor, closing our eyes and opening our arms from a forward stretched prayer position to arms like wings and saying ‘I open my heart fully to give and recieve love’. That gets me into a great vibe and I’ve also started saying it when I get out of bed.

    Any type of yoga also helps me with that feeling, although bikram yoga especially. Riding my bicycle, going swiming and enjoying feeling the power of my body working just for me. I’m going to my first adult ballet class for absolute beginners tonight and I’m hoping that will help me fall in love with myelf a bit more!



  100.  #100Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 6:38 am

    @76: Virginia Feingold Clark says:
    “…Hey Rori, I so agree with your comment about “no such thing as a confused man” Confusion is just an excuse for not having to making a decision. As long as he’s confused, he doesn’t have to do anything…”

    My take on the “confusion issue” is that all humans can be confused from time to time. However, as long as the man says he’s confused, and the woman believes it and/or accepts it, he doesn’t do anything whether or not either of them believes he “has to.”

    Men sometimes say they are confused…when they are not. Sometimes sirens do too…

    xoxo



  101.  #101Lele on August 2, 2011 at 6:43 am

    I connected with a guy online and we have had some fantastic chats. Now he says he values that connection too much and does not want to loose it so does not want to meet.

    I’m thinking he is doing this on the down low and already has a relationship.

    putrid puss filled rot
    fresh skunk stink
    week old rotting fish heads
    this rots
    suck a moldy lemon
    creepoid

    tired, I need to play. sigh!!!!



  102.  #102Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 6:47 am

    Piece from an interesting email I just got:

    What good will it do us to simply think we are Superman?

    Here is where science comes in…..this is the part where you will be AMAZED when you learn about the supernatural powers “YOU” already possess!

    Best-Selling author and M.D. Dr. Deepak Chopra tells us that our brains make certain chemicals called Neuro Peptides . These are literally the molecules of emotion. (Fear, Joy, Love, Etc.)

    These molecules of emotion are not contained in your brain only, they actually circulate throughout your entire body.

    Your immune cells which are protecting you from diseases like infection and cancer, and many other illnesses, are also contained throughout your body.

    Deepak tells us that the amazing part about of these cells of emotion and immune system support is that they are intelligent cells.

    They are thinking cells!

    He also tells us that these immune cells which are protecting you from disease are constantly eavesdropping on the conversation that you are having with yourself.

    …Your self-talk.

    They listen in and adjust their behavior based on what they hear from you….their master.

    So imagine what would happen if you started to think like Superman.

    Here are some of the thoughts you might have during the day:

    ” I am indestructible”

    ” The challenges I face day to day are easily overcome, after all I am Superman/Supergirl”

    ” I have supernatural powers.”

    ” I have incredible strength.”

    “Nothing can stop me…..nothing.”

    The billions of thinking cells in your body listen.

    Their mission is to complete the picture of you they see when they hear yourself talk.

    They must obey.

    Since you are “Superman” you cannot get sick.

    Your immune system cells are now fortifying themselves to make sure of that.

    They are making you stronger everyday!

    You have the ability to fight off all attacks, physical, disease, illness, etc.

    Superman is confident, your cells of emotion relating to confidence will now create more NeuroPeptide chemicals that promote feelings of power.

    Superman is fearless so your cells of the emotion relating to fear will now create more NeuroPeptide chemicals that promote feelings of well being…

    A feeling that you fear nothing.



  103.  #103Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 6:47 am

    @91: Mel says:
    “…Is it typical for a man to start dating immediately after separating from his wife?…”

    I say “yes.”

    “…Perhaps we have different ideas around the “why” of dating…”

    Yes, again…

    😀

    xoxo



  104.  #104Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 6:51 am

    I believe confusion is also a stress “flight” response. I have a girl in my life that I see use it all the time.



  105.  #105Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 6:52 am

    @101: Lele says:
    “…Now he says he values that connection too much and does not want to loose it so does not want to meet…”

    Guys. LOL 😆

    Go take yourself out and have a good day. 😀

    xoxo



  106.  #106Mel on August 2, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Neat article FW! I also was talking to my friend (a biology teacher) about something similar. Epigenetics / DNA methylation and how traumatic experiences can effect it. Interesting stuff!



  107.  #107Mel on August 2, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Cool! I found a “lease transfer” site where people who want out of their car leases post their vehicles. I found one with only 10 months left (a great amount!) and a low monthly payment. That way I can drive a good, reliable car but have no commitment past 10 months if I go overseas next year. If, on the other hand, I decide to stay, I get a great car and there’s only like $4000 to buy it at the end of the lease. So essentially, THEY would have paid for most of the vehicle and I get all of that equity. Neat hey?



  108.  #108Daria on August 2, 2011 at 7:04 am

    regarding separating/divorced spouses dating – it is normal and healthy

    of course Rori encourages us to start CDing right away

    men often show a very instinctive and healthy way of taking care of themselves that we can learn from



  109.  #109Daria on August 2, 2011 at 7:08 am

    i feel worried now that my opinion on that will feel bad

    what i was really feeling was horror and oh no and concern

    i feel concern that Mel – you are not dating –

    i think from my understanding of Rori’s material –

    that would be the way to go here to either get this marriage back or get yourself healing as fast as possible



  110.  #110Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 7:09 am

    The real questions are these…

    How do we learn to release some of the guilts and regrets we have?

    How do we learn to accept ourselves, even when we feel so completely unacceptable?

    In the context of the metaphor… how do we learn to neuter those negative thoughts?

    What I propose is, rather than looking at it from the perspective of accepting ourselves, or of not feeling certain negative emotions because we’re not “supposed to,” instead apply the “Trap and Release” to our thoughts. How, you might ask? Try this…

    The next time you have a thought that isn’t pleasant, observe it. That’s it, just observe it. After a moment, let it go.

    For example, let’s say that somebody says something that hurts your feelings, but inside you know they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. You end up telling yourself, “I shouldn’t feel hurt. I know they didn’t mean it.” The challenge we have with this way of thinking is that we end up judging ourselves (“should” is usually an indicator that you’re judging) for how we feel instead of understanding it. This judgment ends up causing us to feel even worse about ourselves… after all, what’s worse then feeling bad? Feeling bad *about* feeling bad!

    We end up trying to “kill” the thought by fighting against it… but fighting against something only serves to bring on another fight. Every time we say “I should” or “I shouldn’t” we are fighting against ourselves and only serving to reinforce and build up our weapons against ourselves.

    Internally, this has the same effect as a country fearing war so they start a draft and spend more on defense. Then another country sees this, they become fearful, and they start building up their defenses. Eventually, there’s so much fear and so many weapons that people not only forget the original reason why they were fighting in the first place, but if somebody even sneezes wrong it could cause World War 3.

    So now back to an example with ourselves…

    In that moment, rather than say you “should” or “shouldn’t” feel whatever it is you’re feeling or thinking, instead just accept the fact that you feel hurt without trying to change it. Pause for a moment and just allow without judgment.

    If you feel you can’t avoid judging yourself, then offer to give yourself a temporary “cease fire.” Say to yourself, “While I am observing this thought/emotion, I choose not to judge myself. However, in another five minutes I’ll let any judgments I feel come into my awareness.” The point behind this is to allow yourself to be accepting of that thought or emotion you are observing, at least for that moment.

    What is the point of all of this?
    If you continue to observe each of your judgmental thoughts (we all have them, even if it’s something as simple as, “I don’t like the way I feel right now” or “I wish that person would talk less.”), you will begin to see the thoughts as they are.

    You will begin to understand that the judgments you carry now, the negative thoughts you have today, are many times not because of what’s happening in the present moment, but because what’s happening in the present moment is poking at something painful or upsetting from your past.

    If you want an extra challenge…

    After pausing, ask yourself why you feel the way you do or had the thought you did. From our example, you might ask yourself, “Why does this hurt even though she didn’t mean to hurt my feelings?” Be honest with yourself in that answer, and again remember not to judge your answer but just to accept and observe it.

    Logically, you know you are not hurt because of what this person said (since they didn’t mean to hurt you), but that you’re actually hurt because this situation reminds you of something in your past that hurt. Maybe you are consciously aware of this thing in the past which hurts, but more than likely, you’re not conscious of it (otherwise it probably wouldn’t hurt when an unrelated event in the future causes this pain to be brought back up).

    Eventually through this practice, the “wild cats” (i.e. negative thoughts) come in, become “neutered,” and then go back to their “neighborhood.”

    Any way you look at it, though, by trapping, observing, and releasing your thoughts, you are allowing and accepting the natural flow of energy instead of impeding it. By stopping the “fight” within yourself, over time you will notice a progressively increasing sense of peace as you become more understanding of yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings.

    This happens because as you allow yourself to be as you are, warts and all, your need to defend yourself… against yourself… becomes less and less prevalent.

    You will feel less and less need to build up your arsenal of weapons preparing for war, and instead allow the weapons to be dismantled and set aside. They’re still there, but they’re benign and ineffective.

    Eventually so much so, that you’re able to walk across the boundaries of the war zone, shake hands with those you once feared…

    With yourself you once feared…

    And relax in peace.

    Your Partner In Transformation,
    Chris Cade
    Liberate Your Life



  111.  #111Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 7:11 am

    RE 107 Yeah, neat. I just know things will work out Mel.



  112.  #112Mel on August 2, 2011 at 7:13 am

    Hey daria,

    No offense taken! I’m not sure I feel “up” to dating just yet. Maybe once I feel more settled and other things in my life are less stressed? I am open to coffee/lunch with male coworkers and very casual things. I guess that’s a start right?

    I went for ice cream with a guy from work last week. It was nice to be invited. I noticed that he didn’t do things like hold doors open or let me walk in first, or offer to pay. That’s okay, since I’m not really interested in dating him, but it was interesting to notice that that bothered me. I want men to do those things for me.

    He did send me an email later to say “we should do lunch again! 🙂 )



  113.  #113Brenda on August 2, 2011 at 7:15 am

    I just read this post, even tho it was posted yesterday. You all know without me saying that I relate like crazy to Millie because that’s how I feel about Ryan.

    And, last night I had a meltdown. York hasn’t called back, and I just have to wait and see if he will. That has me bummed, so yesterday I was on craigslist almost all day contacting men’s ads, emailing, texting, and then I finally placed my own ad. I felt shocked that I got about 45 responses in less than an hour! I mean, the heading read, “Queen-Sized Woman to be Treated Like a Queen”! Yet I had even a 19 year old come out of the woodwork, even tho I am a BBW (Big, Beautiful Woman)!

    I went on a date last night. The date went well, but I was not remotely attracted to the man. He liked me but I am not going to see him again.

    Then I was left in the silence of my memories and feelings, and I just wanted Ryan.

    I know, you’re all sick of hearing about Ryan. I cried convulsively, as I haven’t cried in a long time. I’m just weary of being single. I proved that I could have a date every night of the week if I chose to, but none of them are Ryan. And, I finally met one man who I was attracted to, and he has hit the trail.

    Like Rori said, the answer is to keep dating other men. But my heart just isn’t in it now. I just feel discouraged. I know loneliness isn’t the solution, tho, so I’m going to push myself to meet some of this pile of men I unearthed. Joy. 🙁



  114.  #114Daria on August 2, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Mel – okay… i feel glad you ARE dating

    the idea is to date up a storm right now at this crucial time!

    and of course… it feels challenging when its this exact time that feels so dang overwhelming



  115.  #115Brenda on August 2, 2011 at 7:23 am

    Daria,

    RE: #89 – Wow, you are quite an abstract poet! I don’t know what it all means, but it sure is artistic, creative, and beautiful!!



  116.  #116Mel on August 2, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Daria,

    What types of men my age (in 30’s) use dating sites? I really have no idea, so I’m just curious. I would consider setting up a profile, except I’m not interested in anything serious… yet I definitely don’t want men who only want sex.



  117.  #117Brenda on August 2, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Daria,

    RE: #34 – Superb, exemplary dialogue!!! Thanks for sharing.



  118.  #118Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 7:32 am

    Anybody having a problem with Ustream tv? Weird stuff going on…



  119.  #119Brenda on August 2, 2011 at 7:34 am

    I just read most of this thread, and you ladies are just precious! I love being here! I love each of you!



  120.  #120Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 7:50 am

    RE 99 That is one of the things my zumba teacher does when we are stretching in a seated position during the cool down. She incorporates a little of everything in the routines.



  121.  #121Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 7:55 am

    Mel regarding the things you noticed, I would encourage you to take babysteps in speaking up about them. I speak up about opening doors to guys in my office. Try to think of something that feels authentic to you and maybe complements them. Guys have big egos so some of them will step up.



  122.  #122Mel on August 2, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Just out of curiosity FW… what do you say to them about opening doors?



  123.  #123Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 8:18 am

    I might be old fashioned but I admire men who open doors for women. It makes them look real masculine and I feel really taken care of. I just love chivalry. Or something around that in a playful way. I comment when I see other guys doing it, not necessarily the one I am with. I will hang back and allow the one I am with to do it. They usually step up. I have come to realize that I tend to just go ahead and many times they actually have to stop themselves because it is like an automatic reflex for them. Just that I am too swift.



  124.  #124Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Mel I also feel a little concerned about your question “what type of men”. I would encourage you to elaborate about what you mean as it could possibly unearth some belief around internet dating or even men.



  125.  #125Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Dorothea if you are still reading you have been on my mind. I hope things are going well with you.



  126.  #126Mel on August 2, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Around the “what type of men”

    Well… since my husband had a profile, I guess that’s a concern for me. Not interested in married men.

    Also, when I was trying to understand what would compel him to have a profile, I noticed that a lot of guys were just interested in NSA sex.

    Many others were interested in serious relationships, which I don’t really want right now. IF I did this, it would only be to experiment with Rori’s tools… since I’m kinda feeling resistant to date without actually wanting a relationship. Sort of an experiment.

    So in a nutshell… I’m just curious if these sites generally have decent guys that just want to “date”… nothing more?



  127.  #127Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 8:31 am

    @113: Brenda says:
    “Queen-Sized Woman to be Treated Like a Queen”!

    Nice heading. I like it! 😀

    The today’s Tuesday newsletter from a male dating coach has wise words and encouragement to continue online dating even though we have disappointments. Take a look if you have it.

    xoxo



  128.  #128Susan on August 2, 2011 at 8:35 am

    RE: 126: Mel

    There are as many different types of men on dating sites as there are men. Stay away from the ones that want NSA sex or who have no photo. They are very likely married. The ones who say they want a serious relationship might be posting that because that is what most women want and they are trying to improve their chances. I used to meet and date the men who stated they wanted a serious relationship and I have found that they are just guys who would like to meet women. Those guys are in the pool of men that I used to take a chance on. The guy I have been dating since October is someone I met on Match dot com. They are just people. Some are nice and some are not. You have to sift through to find a good one, but the sifting can be fun. 🙂



  129.  #129Brenda on August 2, 2011 at 8:49 am

    SLV,

    RE: #127 – Thank you, and thank you! I’ll check it out.



  130.  #130Mel on August 2, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Thanks Susan… very helpful answer! 🙂



  131.  #131Susan on August 2, 2011 at 8:58 am

    MORE ON DATING SITES:

    This is my opinion, and only my opinion.

    eHarmony – For the marriage minded. It is like hiring a matchmaker and you do pay for that service. They have a high success rate BUT they also accept only a narrow range of people. They would not accept me because I have been divorced twice and I am not a Christian and I am not seeking marriage. If what you want falls within their parameters, they can be a big help but don’t be surprised if they match you with someone who lives hours or days away.

    Match – You pay for it, so the people there tend to be slightly more serious about finding a match than on the free sites. The guys there also tend to have enough of an income to date. Free sites tend to attract the unemployed or underemployed. There are fewer married guys there because the charge would show up on the credit card.

    Free sites (specifically POF) – POF is a pretty good site, IMHO. I’ve seen the same faces there as on Match for the guys who are seriously trying to reach as big an audience as possible. One has to be pickier on any free site. Avoid all profiles that do not have a picture or men who state they are separated (their wives would be shocked to read this about their husbands.) Avoid all men who seek NSA sex. There are plenty of others to choose from.

    And finally, Craig’s List – CL seems like a big meat-market type bar to me, but without the smoke or loud music. I have met nice men there and I have met total jerks there. There are also teen boys posing as men and sexual sadists there. Be as cautious as you would be if you met that man in a night club. Still, there are a few gems to be discovered there…



  132.  #132alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 9:08 am

    i can’t remember ever hearing a man saying the words “i’m confused.”

    it’d be like a man driving saying “i’m lost”

    it just feels like a really rare occassion.

    i wonder if sometimes women are just attributing these words to a man’s behavior.

    ?



  133.  #133Mel on August 2, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Alias girl:

    For me I interpret the phrase “I don’t know what In want, I need space to figure it out.” to mean “I’m confused.” Perhaps this is not the case though.



  134.  #134Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 9:15 am

    RE 132 alias girl you have a point there. Now that I think about it, what I have heard from guys suggest that they either feel it for you or they don’t.



  135.  #135Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 9:21 am

    @126: Mel says:
    “…So in a nutshell… I’m just curious if these sites generally have decent guys that just want to “date”… nothing more?…”

    There are all kinds of men… and I do men ALL KINDS… that frequent online dating sites. There are different kinds of dating sites (with different tones) and within those dating sites there are different categories.

    Are you saying you are looking for a “decent guy” who dates married women?

    Mel, for my part I’d get a really clear focus on my intention in dating before a focus on the type of guys. I’d probably spend a few days exploring many sites, and their forums if any, until I found a few with vibes that felt comfortable. What might be cool for one woman, even a siren, might not be best for me.

    I’d check out meetup.com or its local equivalent and the “strictly platonic” section of CL personals. But I would not be surprised to also find ads from guys who are looking for more than platonic… or don’t know what it means. 😀 But I’d first place an “SP” ad for myself to see what turns up.

    I am guessing that you aren’t looking for NSA but there are also many guys, some married some not, who are looking to provide that for married women.

    xoxo
    P.S Here’s a link to a page I swiped from a male dating coach. There are about a hundred or so… I didn’t count… online dating sites and resources.

    Online Dating Links
    http://www.evanmarckatz.com/links.php

    😀



  136.  #136alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 9:25 am

    is interesting huh? it just occurred to me and seems something to consider in the conversation of this post.

    men will say ‘i don’t want a relationship. i don’t think this or that’. or stuff.

    but i can not recall a man saying “i feel confused”

    being confused for a man would be a dangerous place to go…if you consider evolution and stuff. a second of mulling around in their “confusion” could lead to a bear eating them.



  137.  #137Mel on August 2, 2011 at 9:26 am

    To be fair SLV… I would no longer consider myself a married woman. Separated, yes. I won’t be putting up anything until I am moved out.

    I had hoped he would do the same, out of respect for me… but alas, having ‘expectations” about anything is what causes me trouble isn’t it?



  138.  #138alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 9:29 am

    i am feeling very “aw” about men. they are so cute. like little puppies.

    why get angry at a little puppy for displaying puppy behavior?

    just train them so they know what they need to do to get the good stuff. (ie goddess good stuff like hugs and dates and smiles and stuff)

    and then enjoy the love they so want to give.



  139.  #139alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 9:30 am

    i am running lllaaaaaaatttteee because i am on this BLOG!



  140.  #140Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 9:31 am

    @128: Susan says:
    “…They are just people. Some are nice and some are not. You have to sift through to find a good one, but the sifting can be fun…”

    So true. We really don’t know until we meet them and get to know them. I like your attitude; thank you for sharing your experience.

    😀



  141.  #141alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 9:32 am

    oh mel … about the car leasing…. what about the end of the lease fees for scratches and dents, mileage, and stuff. would you be responsible for those?

    they can really add up to A Lot.

    ok. crap. i gotta GO!!



  142.  #142DE on August 2, 2011 at 9:34 am

    Ella #66 & 68

    Sorry, I didn’t get to answer u question about EFT on anger and expectation…

    I would get more clarity on the source of your expectations. Anger, to me, is just the vehicle…Behind anger there is a deeper feeling(s). Finding the real feelings behind anger is the key. I would list a few statements around anger and expectations…

    In this moment (can’t think of any other right now), I sense two sources of expectations…one steaming from me and one from the other person (based on a “perceived” promise he/she made);

    Expectation in itself is not bad; to the contrary, it helps me create boundaries……however, the judgment we create in our minds about expectations is bad and that’s when we create walls…

    For example,
    I have an expectation to be treated well by a man…stating it like this feels bad to me…because I immediately judge myself (oh, u are demanding, bossy, controlling);

    however, I noticed that stating as “i feel comforted/appreciated from being treated well by a man”, it takes away the judgment…;

    or I can EFT the initial statement “Even though I have an expectation to be treated well by a man…and that feels demanding, controlling…I deeply and completely love and accept myself”….

    Ella, the more specific is the issue (in your case u can use u situation with J) the higher the emotional trigger (when u assign a value of 1 to 10) and thus, much better results from tapping…and that’s my experience.

    If you can list of some of the issues with J and the expectations and feelings associated with it, I might be able to help u target the right formula of EFT…

    Let me know.

    Warm hugs,



  143.  #143Mel on August 2, 2011 at 9:42 am

    Re: 141

    Thanks Alias Girl… I’ll check into that!



  144.  #144Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 9:55 am

    @Mel says:
    “…. I would no longer consider myself a married woman. Separated, yes. …”

    Well…separated, yes but still legally married. That’s something to consider and I expect men will consider that too. I dated when I was “separated” but had filed for divorce. Are you at that stage yet?

    I’m curious if statistics were charted (maybe OKCupid has done this already they have done many others) whether men who date married women have a higher poof rate at the time of the women’s divorces. IMHO and anecdotally…. yes. But life is always a little complicated somewhere, isn’t it? 😀

    Re: expectations. I have them; I’m disappointed sometimes but I still have expectations.

    Every now and then there is a story of a married guy, a politician or someone who is otherwise in the public light but still has ads on CL or a dating site! Don’t they ever learn???? LOL 😆 Guys. 😆

    xoxo



  145.  #145Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 10:03 am

    http://www.innerbonding.com/show-article/2876/feeling-disconnected-from-your-partner.html

    When your heart is closed, you have disconnected from yourself. The heart is the channel through which you can feel your feelings, so if there are feelings you don’t want to feel, you close your heart in order to not feel them.

    What are the feelings you don’t want to feel?

    It took me a long time to understand why I would close my heart. I had been closing off from some very painful feelings for so long that I didn’t even know what the feelings were. Upon exploration, I thought that I might be closing myself to avoid feelings of anxiety, fear, hurt, guilt, shame or anger. But with deeper work, I discovered that it was actually my disconnection from myself – my closed heart – that was causing my anxiety, hurt, guilt, shame and anger. So, if I was causing these feelings by closing my heart and staying in my head, and by judging myself or by turning to various addictions, why was I closing my heart in the first place? What was I avoiding feeling?

    It took me years of inner inquiry to discover the deeper feelings that my closed heart was protecting me from feeling. These were the feelings of intense loneliness I had experienced as an only child, with distant parents and no siblings to play with. These were the feelings of heartbreak when my mother screamed at me daily, blaming me for her misery, and the heartbreak of my father’s attempts to have sex with me.

    Emotional Connection

    The challenging truth is that we cannot connect with another until we connect with ourselves. This means that we need to open our hearts to feeling and learning from all of our painful feelings – the wounded feelings we create and the core existential feelings of painful life experiences.

    When you learn to fully embrace all of your painful feelings – with a compassionate intent to learn – you will be able to keep your heart open with your partner. When your partner is also able to keep his or her heart open, the two of you will connect.

    Connection with your partner will occur easily and naturally when you and your partner have the courage to fully embrace all your feelings with a deep intent to learn. You will easily and naturally connect with each other when you are both openhearted and connected with yourselves.



  146.  #146Mel on August 2, 2011 at 10:14 am

    SLV

    Here you have to do a “legal separation” for one year and then you can have a divorce. So I’m in that phase.



  147.  #147Susan on August 2, 2011 at 10:24 am

    Where I live, a person is legally and morally available to date as soon as the divorce papers are served (the divorce process has officially begun.)

    When I was in that situation, I purposefully sought out men who were in a similar situation. I figured we were both the walking wounded and would have limited expectations from each other and could offer each other compassion and physical relief. I found ONE and only one that fit what I was looking for and he and I helped each other through a rough time. We both knew it wouldn’t last and we are still friendly with each other. After 5 years, he still isn’t officially divorced because no one can agree on custody. While they are fighting over it, he is raising his two boys alone (his former in-laws want custody and that is what the fight is about.) He is a good person and a good dad, but isn’t truly available to date in the traditional sense. He told me 5 years ago that he expected to remain legally married because of this until the youngest boy turned 18. A man in this type of situation is good for a temporary connection.



  148.  #148Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 10:52 am

    @146: Mel says:
    “…Here you have to do a “legal separation” for one year and then you can have a divorce. So I’m in that phase…”

    Mel, We are pulling for you for whatever makes you happy. 🙂

    @147: Susan says:
    “…When I was in that situation, I purposefully sought out men who were in a similar situation. I figured we were both the walking wounded and would have limited expectations from each other and could offer each other compassion and physical relief…
    ….I found ONE and only one that fit what I was looking for and he and I helped each other through a rough time. We both knew it wouldn’t last and we are still friendly with each other…
    …. A man in this type of situation is good for a temporary connection…”

    Susan! You are a wise woman. It’s very generous of you to share and helpful for other posters on the blog.

    Thank you. 😀

    xoxo



  149.  #149Mel on August 2, 2011 at 11:06 am

    SLV,

    “We are pulling for you for whatever makes you happy.”

    Me too! I just wish I knew what would make me happy! LOL.

    I suppose I can be legally separated but still open to reconcile if the opportunity presents itself. And if it doesn’t, it won’t matter because either way I need to move forward. Even if we ended up together again, it would never be the same marriage.



  150.  #150Mel on August 2, 2011 at 11:22 am

    I think that’s why I really LOVE Rori’s horse analogy. I don’t have to completely give up on him. I can keep my heart open to all and ride into the wind. He’s welcome to be one of many that rides with me or falls away. I really like that.



  151.  #151Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 11:29 am

    Mel the possibilities are endless. You are young and have age on your side. I feel so happy to see that you are willing to stay open to the possibilities. Keep your heart open no matter what. A hardened closed heart is not the easiet thing to reopen. I can tell you that from experience. I believe in you and feel teary eyed everytime I read about your situation but I know the end is going to be better than the beginning.



  152.  #152Daria on August 2, 2011 at 11:35 am

    Mel – i would not focus my thoughts on any labels ‘separated, divorced’ or outcomes ‘will the men stick’

    Rori doesnt advise dating for an outcome, but dating for therapy.

    There are many men who will date you, your status not important to them – as long as you consider yourself available.

    You do not have to date married or separated men. Even unmarried men can be attached emotionally.

    Your goal here is therapy therapy therapy, and shifting your vibe romantically, focusing on you.

    Feeling like owing others – ‘i wont date/ be on a site until… Something regarding a man’ – is the kind of thought that keeps your vibe closed and is keeping you from attracting your husband or a wonderful man.

    You must do a 180 turn around and put yourself first, drop notions of fairness and obligation, cherish yourself and open up – that might save your marriage if at all possible.

    Waiting until, thinking of what men will think of your status, etc – will just hold you back here.

    Forget everyone and treat yourself as an availabe irresistible goddess – you are.



  153.  #153Mel on August 2, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Thanks Daria!

    I will have to baby step into it though, because this is all very new territory for me.



  154.  #154Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    I’m looking at Arielle Ford’s new wabi sabi something-or-other. I think I’m already doing wabi sabi as a way of life. Who knew?

    Now, wabi sabi love… I will explore this.

    I just did a kind of wabi sabi at the supermarket this afternoon. I thought I was buying one box of lemonade Crystal Lite and one plain iced tea Crystal Lite… but I got two iced teas, one of them peach…. I guess I’ll wabi sabi and love the peach tea.

    But, since I am me…. wanting what I like and they are on sale, I’ll go buy two lemonade boxes later… so much for wabi sabi… hmmm, 😛

    Seriously, lemonade aside, the wabi sabi does sound interesting.

    xoxo



  155.  #155Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    Mel remember that post I wrote in 110 above? The suggestion is it is about the “self talk”. I would tell myself I am “an available irresistible goddess” over and over again. Your brain will eventually get it. Remember you can be married but have a closed heart so you would not even be available to your husband.



  156.  #156Emoticon on August 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    whats wabi sabi?



  157.  #157Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 12:15 pm

    @156: Emoticon says:
    “whats wabi sabi?”

    Something I just saw in Arielle Ford’s promo piece(of “soulmate secret”) email.

    The book:

    WABI SABI LOVE: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships

    I might check the web site later. But she only offers one chapter for free.

    http://www.wabisabilove.com



  158.  #158Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    OOps 😳 I didn’t write that correctly. It’s Arielle Ford who is “of Soulmate Secret book”.” The promo e-mail was for the “Wabi Sabi” book.



  159.  #159alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    aw, “no, puppy, don’t sh*t on the rug” lol.

    thirdtrycd is angry because i told him i didn’t feel the way i want to feel with a man and didn’t feel interested in going further.

    aw. poor puppy is acting out and is texting about giving me oral sex and then called and started about it. i said, ” i understand. i wish you the best.” click.

    puppy needs to go back to puppy school. to a different trainer though. i done.

    aw. puppies are so cute. even their misbehaving amuses me. as long as they are not sh*tting on My rug.

    i had four puppies text me already today. which is weird since i told the puppies i don’t text. lol. so some puppies even tried texting AGAIN.

    aw. puppies are so cute.

    but if a puppy wants to connect with me puppy needs to dial and call.

    aw. i love puppies!!



  160.  #160Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Curious, I began reading about this exotic sounding phrase. Wabi Sabi is the ancient Japanese art form of finding perfection and beauty in imperfection. The urn in the photograph was, in the world of Wabi Sabi, even more beautiful and valued because of the crack, because of its imperfection.

    It would take me another few years to realize the true significance of what I read in that article two decades prior…that Wabi Sabi was the answer to the universal dilemma and struggle of living and ultimately loving another person! (A flawed person, I might add, but aren’t we all?). Wabi Sabi was the answer to finding beauty and grace in things modest, humble, and unconventional. It was the way to finding these things even in the ordinary. Simply put: Wabi Sabi held the key to everlasting love.

    The truth of how this art form relates to soulmate love didn’t come right away. Still, the impact of seeing Wabi Sabi as it related to beauty and life was immediate for me. So many things began to make sense. I mean, I knew I wasn’t perfect and wasn’t capable of perfection, but I had never entertained the idea that not only should I NOT strive for perfection, but that my imperfection is and was in its own way more valuable than perfection itself. In terms of my own personal growth and wisdom-seeking, this was a huge emotional and spiritual payday! I decided then and there to become a Wabi Sabi artisan.

    I found it relatively easy to practice Wabi Sabi. I could choose to enjoy and appreciate the little quirks and imperfections of my friends, clients, and employees. Or, I could choose to eliminate them from my daily life altogether. Once I manifested Brian—my soulmate—I wanted to see if two people could apply and integrate the deeper principles of Wabi Sabi into their relationship, while still preserving the juicy joy and magic that brought them together. This became my mission and also the topic of my next book WABI SABI LOVE: The Ancient Art of Finding Perfect Love in Imperfect Relationships (HarperOne, January 2012)

    I can’t wait to share more about Wabi Sabi Love in the coming month’s. I’ve just launched a new website and blog about Wabi Sabi Love. Please visit and you can download chapter one for free and see if you choose to become a Wabi Sabi Love artisan!

    http://www.wabisabilove.com

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,

    Arielle



  161.  #161Emoticon on August 2, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    can i get a link to the website? i feel interested in the wabi sabi!!



  162.  #162Femininewoman on August 2, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Emoticon look at the bottom of the post, the link is there



  163.  #163Ella on August 2, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    I went to the pub to see my friend who I have not seen for ages…

    I had a pint of lime and soda (no alcohol). Feel good about that.

    The pub is opposite the petrol station where J has his new job. I have not been in there to get fuel recently – have been choosing to get my fuel elsewhere, although I do usually use that station.

    I just didn’t feel ready to see J yet being as how I feel about him not making contact.

    And sitting opposite the petrol station my mind began to wonder if he was in there or not.

    And a feeling of sadness came up.

    Which led to lonliness. It felt heavy like a lead blanket.

    If I trace this feeling back to source I beleive it is more about the underlying belief that nothing better and more fun will come along.

    I feel lonely and scared with this thought.

    Ok flipping it, something better will definitely come along.

    And generally in my life this has proved to be true!

    I am at home now.

    Have been feeling generally very upbeat about things.



  164.  #164Daria on August 2, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    Mel – this is one time where i would say… Move decisively, and move big!

    Change your hairstyle, you mentioned you were blond – try a strong red! Change your makeup! Go dramatic here.

    Get a profile up on POF – its easy – and use your best pictures.

    Do it now.

    Go out with any pleasant man who asks.

    There is a big chance your husband will notice, perhaps get angry… And u can unearth some of that and rekindle the attaction.

    No matter what, you will shift your vibe this way and be into your new powerful life.
    These are babysteps… You can do this!



  165.  #165Daria on August 2, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Feeling angry pow pow! Dont feel good to feel hit by the wall! Ugh i feel furious!



  166.  #166English Woman on August 2, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    Brenda

    I only just saw your reply to me on the old blog about your living arrangments!! It’s so hard to keep up at time on here LOL!!

    Hope all went well for you and you have found your own place to live. 🙂

    Take Care
    Barb xxx



  167.  #167Corin on August 2, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Help really appreciated from all Sirens here!

    I’m getting back into CDing again after my ex.This time I want to do it more ‘by the book’ and CD for longer before agreeing to be exclusive. I want to get married and have a family.

    Just got off the phone with a potential CD from a dating site. In the conversation he spoke about “women whose biological clocks are ticking so loud you can here them”. I don’t think I responded as I want to with hindsight. I replied jokingly “well I better not wind mine up until after we meet so you don’t here it”. Uuuugh. Now wishing I said something like “that feels uncomfortable to hear. I know I defnineitly want children and that is somehting I’m looking for in a partner”.

    How do I now backtrack on this? He said he will call again in the week, maybe to meet up Sun.

    My NV’s/ limiting beliefs tell me no man will still want me if I’m open about this. It’s almost as if I believe I have to lull them into security and then persuade them to have kids with me later. Uggh, ughh.

    I want to be open and sireny on this!



  168.  #168Corin on August 2, 2011 at 1:26 pm

    sp. ‘hear’ not ‘here’



  169.  #169Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    heh heh heh 😆 Sometimes you just have to laugh.

    Does this help?

    xoxo



  170.  #170English Woman on August 2, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    #113 Brenda

    Hey Siren, 45 men!!!! It only takes just one 😀



  171.  #171Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    @164: Daria says:
    “…Change your hairstyle, you mentioned you were blond – try a strong red! Change your makeup! Go dramatic here….”

    Maybe I’ll go red too. I was looking at red the other day; it was intriguing. And peacock eyelids. Add eyelashes and ready to go!

    xoxo



  172.  #172Daria on August 2, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    SLV – plase link peacock eyelids! feeling inspired!



  173.  #173Corin on August 2, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    Hmmm. If he calls again I’m thinking of saying.

    I’m feeling uncomfortable bringing this up and a bit nervous. Since we spoke last time about women and their biological clocks, I feel it is important to say that I do want children and for me to be exclusive with someone, that would have to be a prospect for us. What do you think?”

    Ughh. Not that’s not it. I did say later that I want children but would rather wait and adopt with the right person than rush into biological children with the wrong person.

    I guess maybe it’s my judgements of this guy that are calling out the uncomfortable feeling. Ijudge him as a commitment phobe who is too scared to take the responsibility of fatherhood.

    When he spoke about being like Chandler from Friends I did ask if this extended to being commitment phobic and his reponse was along the lines of being 38 and never married so what did I think.

    Hmmm, if i was dating purely as therapy and not to get a result (marriage and kids) with this man then I would practice being open about what I want. I think I kind of did this. Overthinking! the only thing I didn’t share was my discomfort/ judgement about his statement.



  174.  #174Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    @167: Corin says:
    “…My NV’s/ limiting beliefs tell me no man will still want me if I’m open about this…”

    That “clock” statement did cause me to catch my breath when I read it. Very early on guys will tell all kinds of truths about where they stand on things. Sometimes it’s the way they talk about a movie, celebrities, friends, all sorts of attitudes come out.

    But sometimes guys make little chit chat jokes when they are nervous, similar to your response. I’m curious which this was. I can understand your desire to be upfront about what you want in a relationship. I want that too.

    Perhaps some variation of the “girlfriend” speech would be helpful so that the guy knows what you want but that you do not intend to pressure him to “make him ‘the one'” I think Daria has a first dates kind of speech for this.

    I think these days guys don’t want to feel pressure; I guess I wouldn’t want to feel pressured about anything either. That’s not too much fun and I want to have fun on dates. And I wouldn’t want to be made fun of either or derided for seeking a particular kind of relationship. There’s something to be said for both sides.

    I look forward to your dating success stories.

    xoxo



  175.  #175Corin on August 2, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    I’m feeling scared. I’m scared that I’m going to be attracted to another emotionally unavailable/ unwilling to commit man again.

    I want to heal the part of me that is drawn to men who hold me at a distance as this is ALWAYS what causes me so much unhappiness and eventually for the relationship to end.

    If my relationships are a mirror of my relationship with myself then it means I’m emotionally unavailable with myself? I’m hiding from the hurt of disconnection as a child or drawn to that hurt again. I read somewhere that we are drawn to hurt an old wound again and again if we believe that the full extent of the pain has not yet been fully acknowledged by others. Kind of a way of shouting out “it hurts! It really, really hurts!”

    Hmmm, to heal that I must connect with that hurt myself so I no longer need others to trigger it. I can soothe that pain myself as I’m the only one that can really heal myself. Then when emotionally unavailable/ distant men turn up, I will be bored and so welcoming of emotionally available men that I don’t even notice them.

    I know exactly what to do intellectually but it’s so much harder than that!



  176.  #176Corin on August 2, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    SLV, thanks for commenting. Yes, I agree that men will be very truthful at first. He did tell me that his last serious rel ended because she wanted to have kids and he said he wasn’t ready. He said on reflection it was more that he didn’t want to have kids with her. I think I will try a version of the no gf speech if we do have a first date. That would be a more natural place to bring it up.



  177.  #177Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    @172: Daria says:
    “…SLV – plase link peacock eyelids! feeling inspired!…”

    Me too! I called them that but the makeup palette and routine is called something else. Did you use the link I gave you? The video is in her group. I’ve discovered a large world of makeup on YouTube.

    username: colouredbeautiful

    I’ll look for it later tonight and I’ll post the link but you might find something you like if you surf her YT channel.

    These are young women in their 20s and 30s but I pick up things from everyone! I love all those girls and I’m learning a lot from them! There are a couple of individual eyelashes applications tutorials as well. 😀 !

    xoxo



  178.  #178Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 2:21 pm

    2 August 2011 @ 1:36pm

    @173: Corin says:
    :….Hmmm, if i was dating purely as therapy and not to get a result (marriage and kids) with this man then I would practice being open about what I want….”

    Is this what you meant? Because if instead of “therapy” you want “marriage and kids” I think it’s really important that you are open about what you want.

    xoxo



  179.  #179Corin on August 2, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    No I want marriage and kids! I was remembering something written here about the ‘Rori way’ and how we should not focus too much on the outcome. If he doesn’t feel ready for this then he’s not the one for me. I guess I now feel guilty about wanting a family sooner than later. I’m 30. I have time to wait if I meet the right person but I fear that I will meet who I believe is the right person, wait years for him to be ‘ready’ and then it will never come. ‘Not being ready’ may be an excuse to avoid commmitment. I guess there is a big difference between someone saying they want to marry me and have kids with me but want to kids to wait a couple of years.

    Ooooh, I’m scared that MY biological clock is ticking so loudly that men I’m dating can hear it. I suppose it actually is. That’s not a bad thing though! If guys think that’s a bad thing then it’s their loss that they don’t get to father my amazing children!



  180.  #180Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    @175: Corin says:
    “…Then when emotionally unavailable/ distant men turn up, I will be bored and so welcoming of emotionally available men that I don’t even notice them….”

    It might become boring…eventually… and…I might be setting a bad example but sometimes the Unavailable ones are cute and lots of fun as long as they aren’t the toxic ones. It wasn’t a problem for me to date “confirmed bachelors” because I didn’t want to remarry either. So now that I’m open to commitment, I have some retuning there too…. LOL 😆

    You can be a “mother”–one way or another– at any age, so don’t pressure yourself either. Babies grow up and are gone very quickly and then there you are with the guy… for years… so you’d better like him a little bit. 😀

    xoxo



  181.  #181Daria on August 2, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    the therapy – is the way to marriage and kids



  182.  #182Corin on August 2, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    SLV, yes I would much rather wait 10 years to have an amazing rel and adopt than settle and end up tied to somone through children when I had lost respect for him. I feel very strongly about this.



  183.  #183Corin on August 2, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Daria,

    Can you give me some tips on first date no gf speeches? I have 3 first dates lining up this week so will get lots of practice! i want no exclusivity until marriage and kids are being seriously considered but will be exclusive before the actual ring. I want a period of full exclusivity to see how we cope with that before I agree to marry someone.



  184.  #184Daria on August 2, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    thanks SLV – ill look for it in her channel



  185.  #185Corin on August 2, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    I guess if I fully believe in my siren-ness then I will not have to wait 10 years anyway! Even thinking about 10 years to find the right man feels sad. There are men out there right now who would love to marry me and have a family with me. I simply have to open up and allow them in. It’s not the effort in doing that I need to focus on, it’s the effort in allowing and healing and creating from within. He can do all the doing and hunt me down



  186.  #186Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    @179: Corin says:
    “… I guess I now feel guilty about wanting a family sooner than later. I’m 30…”

    So young. I had in mind you were 39 with a real ticking clock and trying to make the next five years count.

    Maybe guys your age are “too young.” What age groups are you dating? If this was a big issue and I was 30, I’d head straight for the 35-40 year olds and I wouldn’t look back! I wonder who those would be… I guess all the guys born in 1971-1976.

    I’d probably start with a couple of 40 year old’s just to see if the vibe is right… as in no more clock jokes.. and they are wanting to start a family too.

    xoxo



  187.  #187Daria on August 2, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    wooo hoo just talked to my previous student and he sounds so mature… looks all grown up and handsome

    super handsome!

    and i feel good! woo hoo



  188.  #188Corin on August 2, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    SLV,

    My last boyfriend who I broke up with last week was 41 and I’ve never really gone for men less than 5 years older than me. I find it’s less about age and more about emotional availability. Actually I would be happy to wait a few years for kids but i feel so scared it will be too late. I want to work on that fear as it’s certainly not helping me in any way at all. It feels good to hear that you think 30 is young in this respect!



  189.  #189FlowerChild77 on August 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Plum/last thread (about finding out he lied and the phone issue)

    I don’t want to argue with you and I know you are just trying to help, but even when I read your posts to others, I feel a bit defensive and somewhat like you’ve ‘attacked’ what was said or described, as though it’s somehow not true and that you (without even being there) know what “really” happened.

    I am trying to learn to trust my ‘gut’ and it feels like you are telling me I am wrong to listen to my intuition. I could understand this if he was a habitual liar and I was always suspicious and doubted everything he said, but that isn’t the case. It’s the very reason I am concerned about it!

    I know I’m relatively new here and that I don’t know all the Siren stuff that those who’ve been here longer know. I am open and willing to learn. I just really feel kind of aggravated when I read some of your posts.

    If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with this man, I need to know I can trust him. (And up until now, I have—completely.) I’m going to drop the subject and work this out myself. I feel like a small child who’s just been scolded. I feel foolish, and underneath that is just plain old anger because I felt like was making some progress and you pretty much told me that I’m ridiculous and “shouldn’t” feel the way I do.

    I’m sure you meant well and I’m just being too sensitive, but part of my journey is learning to speak my truth. I’m just doing my homework.



  190.  #190DE on August 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Alias Girl #134:

    U said “i wonder if sometimes women are just attributing these words to a man’s behavior.”

    I totally agree…very astute of you 🙂

    I don’t recall either ever hearing a man “I’m confused” either…and it’s us, women, making the judgement …when we try to find an “excuse” for our behavior (accepting crumbs, for example )

    I recall dating someone about 4 years ago…i learned a valuable lesson …

    After several dates expressed he was ready to be in a committed relationship with me and he wants me to think ab it and let him know…

    Long story short, I agree to it…Eight months into our relationship, i discovered lots of IM conversations with various women…one in particular that catched my eye…and discovered he was dating her while he was dating me…yet, he chose me…but they continued to chat/flirt/talk private stuff about us…and at one point he even cheated on me (we had a fight…where he of course, called her to have a good time);

    Finding this out, I asked him…why? he told me…if you had two guys…one that is 1st place and the other happy with a 2nd…wouldn’t u keep both?

    The bottom line, men are not confused…as long there are women willing to accept 2nd, 3rd, 4th place in his life …he will sure take it…he is on the receiving end…

    My theory is the more women learn to act as Goddesses, the less men act like Gods…

    warm hugs,



  191.  #191alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    i lost the recipe to my PERFECT CHOCO MUFFINS! and now i am going to have to go by memory. lol.

    and i REFUSE to get sucked into old crap. i can hardly even pay attention to my NV. they feel useless and like static on a radio and i am just turning the dial to

    FUN! AND LOVE! AND CONNECTION! AND FUNKY AMAZING THINGS HAPPENING THAT MAKE GREAT STORIES THAT I CAN TELL ABOUT MY FANTASTIC LIFE!

    THANK YOU!

    for example!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    yesterday i went to this screening of The Closer (TV show) and twelve members of the cast were there and i got there early to get a good seat but apparently a lot of other people got their MUCH earlier than i did.

    and i was walking into to the room and a man asked if i had validated my parking and i said no. and he held out his hand. in the past i would have Done It Myself. because you just stick the paper in the slot and it makes a noise and walha – done.

    but i handed my paper to him and he stuck it into the slot and then handed it back to me. i commented on the number of people. he asked if i needed a seat. i said yes. he walked me to THE VERY FRONT ROW and pointed out a seat.

    “these say Reserved” i said.

    it’s ok, you can sit there.

    we went back and forth me feeling worried that someone would oust be just before the screening started then i would be stuck with no seat.

    he assured me several times.

    and i sat in the fron row a stone’s throw away from kyra sedgewick and the rest of the cast. (which included a HHG!! oh, i just got distracted from my story. lol.)

    anway i felt like wow. i am really doing something right! and i felt a little teary and i assured myself that the rest of my life is going as easily and smoothly.

    EASY BREEZY! That’s what i LOVE!



  192.  #192alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    #190 DE i felt good to read some of your words. some men will keep a #1,2,3, and 4.

    I, in my present life, in fact, am looking for a #1,2,3, and possibly 4.

    however i do not feel the need to swindle people or mislead them or straight out lie to them.

    my experience is that all people lie. to varying degrees about varying things.

    i like to pick the men where i can tell when they are lying. and then i don’t call them out on every lie so they don’t catch on that i know when they lie. lol. and i pick the ones that i can deal with the kind of lies they tell. lol. i feel very funny and a little embarassed to write that.

    also my experience is the more goddessey i become the more amazing the men become. even the exes and people i have known from before. i am the source of my own experiences.

    even toxic thirdtry cd i know i brought out some of his best behavior and am helping him become king which is why he cannot help but keep being drawn to me.

    “i have way more than 20 guys interested in me…” – daria.

    lol.

    words to live by.

    —-

    oh, and when the other night when i had sex with my friend i asked him if i have four boyfriends if he wants to be one. he shook his head no and said something to the effect that if he was in the #1 there would be no 2,3,4. lol

    but in regards to your ex. he lied to you. although then you found out and still went along with it so he has a bit of a point as far as what HE wanted.

    i adore you DE. i don’t always express things ‘delicately’ or in a way that people feel good about.

    i don’t want anyone to feel bad.

    i want to relate to what you wrote.

    i feel hopeful i did ok but am very open to honest feedback as i enjoy conversing with you. 🙂



  193.  #193DE on August 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Alias Girl :

    Aww…gosh, i feel adored 🙂 thank u 🙂

    yes, i let go of the expectation of speaking the truth…
    cause…what is truth? is relative…

    i also agree, the more healing I experience, the more I honor my feelings, people around me heal too 🙂

    I love the way u expressed it 🙂

    About the statement “but in regards to your ex. he lied to you. although then you found out and still went along with it so he has a bit of a point as far as what HE wanted.”…

    I feel tempted to explain… on a 2nd thought, i don’t feel its necessary…it’s past…it’s over with…:)

    I welcome your interaction…thank you.

    warm hugs,



  194.  #194Senior Lady Vibe on August 2, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    @88: Corin says:
    “…It feels good to hear that you think 30 is young in this respect!…”‘

    Plenty young, my sister had her first (and second!) child in her forties. Don’t even worry about it. You could be married in two years and having children two years after that, plenty of time for honeymoon year and then two or three children!

    xoxo



  195.  #195Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    I haven’t posted in about 6 months because I forgot my handle and password.. not to mention haven’t had time to sit down and do things online much.

    What do you all think about this?

    I have been seeing my baby’s father, since he returned from out of the country in December, when I found out the baby was his.

    We have been immensely happy. He knows that I am not anyone’s girlfriend but that I intend to be married at some point. It seems this really took the pressure off him knowing that I keep my options open, and that he is so happy that we have a baby together – because our relationship has really bloomed in the last several months. 4 months ago he even wanted me to move there with him til we move back to my town. But I don’t want to give up my “home” space here not being certain of any commitment to anything.

    I haven’t really been dating anyone other than the man I currently live with, and truly am not all that concerned about that either since Man-I-Live-With doesn’t seem to intend to commit exclusively to me anytime soon. I don’t have the time or energy for dating right now really. Nor money for babysittters. So I try to go out to events as much as possible if I’m not “dating”.

    Baby’s Father lives 2 hours away currently and will be moving to my town soon when he has money saved. His family lives nearby there, including his mom who is in chemo right now. We visit as frequently as possible – at times a whole week, other times just the weekend- and all but two or three times, he has come to visit ME. He is very good to me, takes me out, always pays, brings things for baby, etc etc. He is more a man of actions than words. When he visits we sleep in the same bed, have incredible amazing sex. When apart frequent communication via email, text, phone, sharing videos and photos, etc.

    Recent visit three wks ago it came out that he thinks I have been in an open rlsp all this time – which is irrelevant except that he thought I would be interested in it I guess. We were discussing something and I said that I was not interested in open relationships and he said that’s too bad, because he is kind of interested in them. We were driving at the time.

    I told him that broke my heart a little bit – just a tiny bit!!(he said “just a hairline?”) but glad I heard it now than later!…that hearing that just makes me lose interest….

    I may have made him feel it was his fault by saying this, I don’t know. It got VERY quiet in the car, and then I turned out of a non-turning lane .. ugh heart thanks for for giving away my disappointment!

    UGH, I am so frustrated with men right now I don’t even want to bother with any of them unless I know they intend to be in a committed relationship. What is wrong with everyone around me and why don’t they want a real relationship? I am seriously considering not having sex anymore until I am married. grrrr. I am angry and frustrated!!

    I INTEND to feel like my energy and time are being invested in something of value, someone who has the courage to take the risk of committing to love me!

    He said sorry I don’t like him anymore – I cuddled with him and said it’s not that! – I love him very much -but I have thought about that a lot and it’s not what I want. there is too much room for trouble, and hearing those words just turns me off. I said it was only fair to let him tell me what he means by “open relationship” but he said “I don’t know” in a dismissive tone indicating either regretting saying anything or just not knowing/not wanting to talk about it.

    This was 3 wks ago – I stopped initiating any contact (as I had been because he FREQUENTLY contacts me). He seemed to do the same. Last three weeks, no real communication other than to arrange visits, or “how are you” “how is the baby” and liking something here or there on facebook or vimeo. etc. His next two visits (each weekend) he brought his sister, then his mom – gut told me he was avoiding spending the night here/having sex/discussion about relationship.

    I was supposed to visit there this week. Before his last visit he told me that he could come pick me and all my things up and if I needed to be back by a certain day he would bring me back -or if I wanted to bring my car I could. Basically he told me that his mom wanted to visit regardless, so just let him know and he could get me anytime. “it’s all about you” he said.

    During their visit his mom wanted me to wait til this last wknd so she would feel well enough to see us too.

    So Saturday night (i know, last minute but it was kind of pre planned) I texted him to see how he was, tell what baby was doing, ask what he was doing Sunday.

    He said he was so tired he passed on going out with some friends that night, and Sunday he was cleaning up his dads before their return from a trip, going to lunch with a friend, and then working at his moms at night- asked what I was doing.

    I said I was thinking maybe if he wanted to come out of the sunrise and take me home… but.. it sounded like he wasn’t going to be free 🙂

    No response. That is unusual. In fact he didn’t say ANYthing to me from Saturday until TODAY (other than to ‘like’ some quotes about love on my facebook).

    I am suspecting he may be seeing someone else now – prodding the questioning and comment about open relationships 3 wks ago.

    The last three weeks since that comment he has just been less connective, communicative, …

    He is usually all about me, very responsive, … We have been so happy and things have really bloomed between us, we have opened to each other so much.. and now this.

    Now TODAY he texts me “I was thinking about coming to visit this weekend if you are free”.

    How do I handle visits now?

    Should I even act happy about him wanting to visit when I thought I was coming to visit THERE this wk and he didn’t say anything about it –
    and after I’ve told him I felt like we’ve been interacting less (when he has contacted me, after the “open relationship” comment) and I miss it -but no change of anything from him..

    I am not sure what my feeling message is.. or what to do. He caught me by complete surprise.

    Do I stop having sex with him (or ask if he’s having sex with anyone else? – because we don’t have any agreements)

    Do I just stop “seeing” him because he has indicated an interest in open relationships? I feel like any idea that I will tolerate that now should be nipped in the bud.

    How do I handle these visits… at least he has asked me several days in advance for this weekend.

    Maybe I should say “of course! you can come visit this weekend” – and just remain happy and light and see what he brings up while he is here.

    if he were any other man I would just make myself less available. But I can’t make myself unavailable if he wants to visit baby since the baby is nursing, and has a lot of separation anxiety also at his just walking/teething stage.

    I feel weird, anxious, angry… confused.
    I feel ok with him not knowing what he wants but not really ok with seeing him if he’s going to see others.
    Definitely not ok with having sex with him if he is not exclusively having it with me.

    And this definitely doesn’t make me want to move there with him. I have this small fear that if I don’t, instead of us moving back here TOGETHER, he may move here and see other women.. since there are a lot more women here than there.. when instead, moving together could have been a positive step. But I’m afraid it also could be harmful to live together without being committed to each other..I don’t want to move in and then have to move out again. Giving up my “home” space here in Austin without certainty of anything. I don’t want to find myself in this situation again – I have once already.

    I am feeling so unclear right now and having such a difficult time with my baby..it is so hard for me to even think clearly with the baby around..it’s hard doing it mostly by myself here. Hope to hear from all you other Sirens and hoping later tonight I will feel more clear about all this. completely blindsided by this all….

    Now what to say to his text…..



  196.  #196alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    #193 DE aw. it feels good to interact with you.

    it also feels a little uncomfortable for me too because of my own issues with my own self.

    i feel bad i misunderstood part of what you wrote.

    i want to support you and interact.



  197.  #197Ella on August 2, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    Just be with my man.

    Stay with ‘I feel’ … Not ‘I feel … and I want you to do such and such about it’

    Take care of myself first.

    Turn around and walk away if that is taking care of myself.

    Don’t ‘make good’ or pretend.

    What would that look like?

    what different consequences might that bring?

    Be an invitation.

    Find things that make me happy day to day.

    Smile at him (if I feel like it, and lets be honest I probably do even if I am really angry) and appreciate what he brings to me.

    Thank you, I appreciate what you bring.

    You may lay it down on my alter with all the other offerings! 😉



  198.  #198Ella on August 2, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    Focus on making myself happy.

    That is my ONLY job.

    Wow what a relief.

    Reckon I can do that!



  199.  #199flower on August 2, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    congratulations to the author of the letter and to daria for being first to comment 🙂

    and i dont know what it was that made the ‘my head stuck on guy’ be in front of me today in town and coming over and stopping for a minute and saying hi etc and now im not blocked on facebook anymore either , hah they all show up again at some point for whatever reasons dont they



  200.  #200Daria on August 2, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    wow just talked to this guy who does this kinda teasing i ALWAYS used to do, and maybe still do sometimes when not conscious of it (decided to stop as i noticed it might not be what i want to do)

    ex… i say something positive about myself… or i say i want something… like massages

    and hes says “oh i bet you do”

    so i used to do this kinda thing all the time constantly with men

    it was my way with relating

    and it feels bad having it directed towards me!

    but it also feels familiar and FUN!! (because its the way my dad used to play with me)

    but inside it still feels kinda bad!

    so i practiced saying it doesnt feel good to be teased

    and he said a lot of ‘im not teasing you, thats YOUR stuff, etc’

    and i did a lot of … ‘that feels bad, i feel sad”

    and i feel glad for the practice

    i wonder what he showed up to heal?

    i bet its around this stuff!

    i still DO tease people this way, but mostly friends of mine

    hmmm

    i wonder why it triggers me so much now?

    i mean, ok i dont do it anymore cuz its teasing

    and maybe its one of those ‘oh-so-subtle’ ways to put someone down and us up that rori talks about

    i feel curious about this

    i would like to heal this

    thank u



  201.  #201Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    Alias Girl:

    “and i REFUSE to get sucked into old crap. i can hardly even pay attention to my NV. they feel useless and like static on a radio and i am just turning the dial to FUN! AND LOVE! AND CONNECTION! AND FUNKY AMAZING THINGS HAPPENING THAT MAKE GREAT STORIES THAT I CAN TELL ABOUT MY FANTASTIC LIFE!”

    and–

    “also my experience is the more goddessey i become the more amazing the men become. even the exes and people i have known from before. i am the source of my own experiences.” >>>>

    YES, YES.

    I love the way you put that in caps- that is how I talk to myself. I add as much emphasis to Feel Good thoughts as I can to get myself tuned in.

    I love your thought about the more goddessy you are the more amazing the men become..

    Also
    “even toxic thirdtry cd i know i brought out some of his best behavior and am helping him become king which is why he cannot help but keep being drawn to me.”

    this feels good too. Can you elaborate on “helping him become king”?



  202.  #202Ella on August 2, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    From here is a girl who is not comfortable with herself… to here is a girl who loves herself unashamedly, and knows she is just fine how she is.

    She loves and accepts herself.

    Send love to every part of me.

    And my body, just as it is.

    Cus it is just fine.



  203.  #203Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    I love how much of an inspiration you all are. Everytime I find time to visit this site, I feel better the more and more I read! I start to hear YOUR voices replacing old habits and voices.

    Thank you all for your time and energy posting your experiences and thoughts!



  204.  #204Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    Flower #199:
    “hah they all show up again at some point for whatever reasons dont they”

    YES they DO.



  205.  #205DE on August 2, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Alias Girl #196:

    oh, so sweet…i appreciate the thought…

    okay, since u feel bad, i feel curious why and what part of my initial post re: my cheating story with my ex…appealed to u to give me some sort of “validation” …where u said “he lied to u, etc..”:)

    this might help u find out why u feel bad…i really don’t feel bad…:) i shared the story (short version of it) to introduce how it came ab him accepting attention from more than 1 woman…even though he wanted to be in a committed relationship…:)

    and please don’t take it as an assignment…:) if and when u want to look into it…and want to share…it might help me as well 🙂

    warm hugs,



  206.  #206alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    #201 teresa. wow i feel so heard and uplifted. thank you. 🙂

    well, DE had used the word “gods” and i sometimes interchange all those words

    Siren=queen=goddess etc

    God=king=major step up guy

    so i was expressing that my goddess self and behavior was undeniable to him and will trigger different responses in him on his way to kinghood. my goddessness helps him become king.

    i always in my head think that. if a guy comes to me i think he too is trying to become a god or he would not be drawn to me. no matter where he is at in his path, inside that must be what he wants. that’s what i believe.



  207.  #207alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    DE i felt bad i had misunderstood YOU and thus you had said you felt a need to explain (but then didn’t choose to.)

    like maybe i assumed you knew about the other girl when maybe in reality you had not. and i had misread that and responded in a way that felt not accurate to you.

    i intially responded to you because you addressed me personally.

    i feel awkward. like maybe i am not doing this well. lol.



  208.  #208Violet on August 2, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Hello, Sirs and Sirens.

    I haven’t commented in a while. I feel I need to get some ‘stuff’ off my chest.

    I don’t feel Siren-ly any more. When I practiced Rori’s tools, I felt great at the time. When I got home, I felt I wasn’t being genuine.

    I’m 55 and feel like I don’t even know myself. Men rarely approach me. I have a really good male friend who told me that I’m intimidating.

    I know I have a strong personality. Perhaps men are turned off by that?

    I literally don’t feel I have energy (or don’t want to have energy) to try finding ‘Mr Right’.

    I don’t even know how to let my heart be open.

    I feel stagnate. I feel that I won’t have true love.

    Any suggestions, thoughts, and/or comments are greatly welcome.

    ~ Violet ~



  209.  #209Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    oh wow! learning

    when he says stuff like “i can tell you’ve got game”

    and “i can tell you’re the kind of woman that men give you what you want, ”

    etc

    and it reminds me of when a certain… familiar cd said those things

    i actually feel unseen!

    like one part of me is like NO, im not that woman (she’s shallow and has it easy and therefore does not deserve love)

    ive struggled so hard! I DESERVE THROUGH STRUGGLING!!

    and another part is … like well i WANT to be that woman! yes so what

    and ok good thats the kinda woman i want to be…

    but

    i don’t feel seen!

    i don’t feel “got”

    i don’t feel liek this man sees the weak the needy the emotionally soft parts of me

    and i feel.. .Lonely! and unseen and disconnected… and sad!

    AND>>> now i get something else >>> how some men – that i think – have it all – always have women, and i just Adore them, and think they are the shit – how tehy might feel, with my vibe

    like oh she doesnt get me

    she doesnt get my vulnerability, and that well, im not all that really, i mean i have pains and struggles, and im not perfect

    she thinks i AM perfect

    shes being fooled by my appearances and that i AM successful

    but shes so into me and thinks im so all that that she doesnt get “ME”

    the inner me!!

    omg!

    this poor man!

    i am going to comment and encourage him on his music on facebook!



  210.  #210Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    so i just signed in to comment, and i see he’s like commented on 3 of my things!

    i remember i just gave him a compliment yesterday though…

    (so thats why 🙁 )

    thanks nv!

    but now i get that a man wants to feel accepted, not adored

    thank u thank u



  211.  #211Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    okay and he’s teasing me, but i feel smily lol

    now im feeling confused



  212.  #212Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    DE:

    I was JUST thinking about asking you all about EFT and if anyone has any certain techniques that have worked well for them. I have done a lot of EFT today on a lot of issues … feeling under a lot of stress. It seems to be helping…

    I have only done it once before and it was amazing – but it was a technique I found on youtube that was pretty involved including certain breathing/humming, eye rolling etc lol –
    It seemed very effective, though.



  213.  #213Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    now that cut my desire to go encourage him on his music

    i will just not

    taht is overfunctioning anyway

    i can just keep accepting me, and i bet that will heal this



  214.  #214DE on August 2, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Alias Girl:

    Oh, yes, soo revealing to me, thank u 🙂

    Out of comfort, I choose to write under one post things that pertain to me…:) i will certainly keep that in mind…

    also, well…not sure about misunderstanding…cause i didn’t look into it…my temptation to explain resulted from not including in the post my share of mix messages i gave him…reasons he felt unsafe with me…:) so, yes he cheated/lied…for the 1st 4 months of our relationship (till he was sure i was really in)…:)

    that’s the reason i felt tempted to explain…i wanted to own my share fault in the problem…these days, it won’t be one…cause i won’t commit and keep my options open with all men…till on steps up …:)

    thank you for working on this with me…

    warm hugs,



  215.  #215Ella on August 2, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    @ Daria

    “but now i get that a man wants to feel accepted, not adored”

    Yep it will serve me to remember this too.



  216.  #216Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    #206 -Alias Girl-

    I am so pleased you felt uplifted! Which is what I always hope to do for others… encourage and edify.

    “i always in my head think that. if a guy comes to me i think he too is trying to become a god or he would not be drawn to me. no matter where he is at in his path, inside that must be what he wants. that’s what i believe.”

    Thank you! I love the way you explained this. It feel easy to remember.

    He too is trying to become a god or he would not be drawn to me….



  217.  #217Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    hey i just read a breaktrhough about money

    i feel desire for it

    yes i dont believe in it! and I desire it!

    ok what i desire with it is to impress my parents and have them think oh daria is amazing and wonderful and we respect her and admire her

    so i really desire THAT

    and…

    i desire safety medicinally that is that i can easily have access to wonderful healers and medicines

    AND

    that i can travel around comfortably and freely

    and protection and feel safe from being taken up and locked in a cage

    hmm i love me

    so i desire those things, and i desire moeny also so i know that I CAN pull lots of it in

    so i desire to feel confident about my ability to manifest power and status and

    i feel a bit confused again cuz it seems i dont want money but i guess i do and i guess i see how it can just be distorted

    i mean yeah its great that we live in a world where basically we just offer our talents anyway and are given all we want

    however who says having money exist has to alter that it doesnt

    its still a mind thing

    hmm

    feel a bit lost however it feels good to think about not judging my desire for it

    my desire mind knows what its doing



  218.  #218Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:30 pm

    money not source of greed ok



  219.  #219DE on August 2, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Teresa:

    welcome back! u little one has grown sooo nicely …it feels good to see pics of u all on fb 🙂

    About EFT…i read and viewed quite a bit of Carol Look and Margaret Lynch…also Erika Awakening had great helpful videos and information 🙂

    I then worked on my own issues…by writing them down …and listing the EFT session to help me with it…I am a hands on kind of learner 🙂

    warm hugs,



  220.  #220luzydel on August 2, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    So why do I act so deffensive?

    This guy emailed me saying…I hope you don’t think I am an A-hole, but I just don’t know about you take care…” this was the guy i went on a date last sat, I thought we both felt a connection and he even said we should go to the movies on Friday…Men are such Hypocites LOL

    Well My response was “No I don’t think you’re an A-hole at all’ I think I am just too stable for you. You gave me the impresion to like Darama quess and women who like to give you a Hard time :). I am looking for someone more stable and mature. Take care”

    OK so I wanted to have the last word and I problably offended him. So he did not feel it for me. I could Have said “I feel dissaponted that things did not work weel for you, but I appreciate your honesty” or something like that, but I didn’t and I am not going to torture myself for being a bit of a bitch…I got mad because I got mixed signals.

    I am only Human and I love my frustrations, I love my anger and I love my inner bitch…Time to let go



  221.  #221Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    Violet – the heart open thing – you can approach this in a physical way

    lean back, palms open to the front at your sides, one foot behind the other, like there’s a treetrunk in your back… release your shoulders, your tummy your pelvis – expand it sideways

    now , imagine theres a zipper on your heart, unzipper it, let it breathe

    everyone can see your heart now, they dont have to see it, its just visible

    also helps me to imagine theres a little firelight glimmering in my heart

    everyone can see it, like im transparent

    it feels cool to imagine i can see other people’s firelights too



  222.  #222alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    #214 DE i’m glad you shared that. it gives me a wider perspective.

    i feel a little confused in this convo and that feels bad. it just feels confusing and i don’t want to make sense of it. i actually feel a little angry.

    i am not sure why. i feel like backing off. and i do not know why. it feels complicated and i feel non understanding and blech.



  223.  #223Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    luzydel – you could also go with… ‘whoa that feels bad! i feel kinda angry… and i appreciate your honesty’

    that would feel bad to me (like when handsome man said “i dont think we’re looking for the same thing’)

    anyway handsome man is back now



  224.  #224Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    159 Alias Girl:
    “aw, “no, puppy, don’t sh*t on the rug” lol.
    thirdtrycd is angry because i told him i didn’t feel the way i want to feel with a man and didn’t feel interested in going further.
    aw. poor puppy is acting out and is texting about giving me oral sex and then called and started about it. i said, ” i understand. i wish you the best.” click.
    puppy needs to go back to puppy school. to a different trainer though. i done.
    aw. puppies are so cute. even their misbehaving amuses me. as long as they are not sh*tting on My rug.
    i had four puppies text me already today. which is weird since i told the puppies i don’t text. lol. so some puppies even tried texting AGAIN.
    aw. puppies are so cute.
    but if a puppy wants to connect with me puppy needs to dial and call.
    aw. i love puppies!!”>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Thanks for posting this. I love this.
    I fear that saying I love this makes me sound as though I think less of men or look down on them, but I feel bad also for judging myself. I like this because it helps me stop putting men up on a pedestal unnecessarily. PUPPIES. Training. Students. I am the trainer, the teacher. And men, like the Cells FW posted about, will create the picture you direct them to with your speech and actions.

    >>>104: FW: I believe confusion is also a stress “flight” response. I have a girl in my life that I see use it all the time.>>>

    Interesting, probably true at times. Just caught my eye because I am feeling confused right NOW.

    >>>>>102 FW: He also tells us that these immune cells which are protecting you from disease are constantly eavesdropping on the conversation that you are having with yourself.…Your self-talk.
    They listen in and adjust their behavior based on what they hear from you….their master.>>>>>>>>>

    Thanks for sharing this FW!

    >>>>>99 Corin: ‘I open my heart fully to give and recieve love’.>>>>>>>>
    I think I will add this to my meditation or EFT.

    >>>>>>35 flowerchild
    Trust your boundaries
    Feel your feelings
    Use your words and…
    Be surprised!>>>>>>

    I love this… It sounds easy!!

    34 Daria –

    Thanks for posting your conversation with professional athlete! I like to see this in action… helps me learn

    88 daria
    yay i self hypnotized myself to feel sexual pleasure and it felt so good to have an orgasm! yay me i felt more gentle and loving

    What technique did you use to self-hypnotize?



  225.  #225Daria on August 2, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    okay so i am feeling a bit confused

    i was just feeling bad feeling teased by one man

    but it feels good feeling teased by this other one (who im really into – but im kinda into man 1 too)

    it reminds me of my lil brother teasing me, and sometimes even guywho

    and my sister

    and i dont feel that bad about it or too insecure cuz i feel very secure about the ‘look’ they are laughing at

    and yet

    DO i feel a lil bad that he’s making fun of my look instead of saying

    omg you look amazing?

    i dono

    i think my lil bro who teases me often is into me and would date me if he could

    i dono!

    i feel confused

    !

    it just feels good to have his attention

    and also worreid that this is teasing ‘freind’ attention adn taht it Will feel bad or at least confuseing

    yes it feels confusing!

    eff it



  226.  #226Daria on August 2, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    okay now i feel like i miss his attention

    i miss that smily feeling i got when he posted that thing on my wall

    but he was TEASING u

    i used to feel that way sometimes when Getright would call me and say somethign silly

    just get a big smile

    okay so i am being paid attention to, but will this work for me?

    i dono cuz apparently i start missing it the instant its not constant

    and why doesnt it seem constant?

    i dono

    i love me

    oh yah! i saw a post about another girl he wrote too
    hmm
    okay i love me

    i wonder what this is here to heal?



  227.  #227alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    i am painting my toe nails purple right now.

    my vibration is

    work.

    work
    work

    i don’t ever want to work again unless it feels good.
    and i want to PLAY and to me PLAY involves other people.

    damn. i was going to go for a hike but i just did my nails.

    POOR PLANNING. because my sneakers and socks will ruin the pedi.

    b*tch.

    i wanna play. i want earth to be my giant playground with fun around every corner and playmates wherever i go.



  228.  #228alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    i’ll wear flip flops on the drive over and hope they dry by the time i get there to squish them in socks and sneaks.

    or f*ck it, i’ll just redo if i have to.

    i hope i have FUN!



  229.  #229DE on August 2, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    So…tonite, feels like it’s gonna be interesting 🙂

    I supposedly have a meeting with a CD around 7:30pm…yet, he hasn’t confirmed yet 🙂

    we talked last nite and we agreed on the time 🙂 so, maybe it’s supposed to be a done deal 🙂

    anyhow, i feel mellow…and since is a wonderful weather outside, i am going to visit one my stores (i need to look for something)…which is near where we are supposed to meet…if he txt/calls, then i am in the area…if not, i accomplished something anyway…getting out and searching for what i need in the store i need to get to 🙂

    gosh, i also feel horny…:) i haven’t’ heard from T all day…:( that feels a bit sad…but, i know he will 🙂

    got me a date a jazz place date outing on Friday…a 2nd date…very interesting man…even though not feeling the chemistry from our 1st meeting…

    we shall see…



  230.  #230Brenda on August 2, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    I took a nap until 9 pm. Now I’ll probably be up half the night.



  231.  #231ice Princess on August 2, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    I’m so annoyed with all the women commenting on LPs fb page tonight. I know he can’t control who and what is posted but it is still very triggering to me. Ugh!



  232.  #232Lilybelle on August 2, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    229:

    Have fun tonight, DE.

    I have two CD’s lined up for tomorrow and Thursday evening. Whew.

    Up first is ProFishingDude ($$$$) for tomorrow evening. TOTALLY not what my “type” has been but I am practicing being open. BIG time. At first glance, I am not attracted to him physically but his personality is larger than life and that is what sucked me in.

    Up second: GentleDude…Also not my “type”. Again, being open. This one seems to want to be completely focused on his sig other…

    BOTH made the plans, neither asked me anything about it…just what time I was available and then went from there.

    Two CDDudes, neither my normal “type” so yea, I would say I am opening up…

    I am certainly open to being surprised as I practice NOT having a type.

    *Gulp*



  233.  #233ice Princess on August 2, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    I think I found the right mind set about the fb postings on his page. I am better than those girls and if he doesnt see it then he doesnt deserve me. What do you think?



  234.  #234Susan on August 2, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    RE: 233 Ice Princess ~

    Think of it this way… Those women posting on his FB page are LEANING FORWARD.



  235.  #235luzydel on August 2, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    So after a long consideration, Idecided to disable my online profiles. I have been dating for five years and not a single relationship has come out from Online dating. I have been in over 100 dates aand met around 60 men I am just exhausted and I am about to cry, ot os taking the best of me and I need a loong break.

    I Want to meet people differently, but I have to figure out a way. I feel angry, sad, frustrated and rejected. I dont want to give up hope but everytime I joine online dating and I meet these men I feel angry, and hopeless.



  236.  #236ice Princess on August 2, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Good point. I didn’t think of it that way. Thanks, Susan!



  237.  #237Susan on August 2, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    RE: 235 luzydel ~

    I understand your frustration and disappointment. You might consider trying Meetup.com and Events and Adventures. Neither is specifically designed for dating. Both are designed to allow people with similar interests to attend events together. Through Meetup I have a group of ladies I play darts with and I joined a sailing club. The sailing club is a singles club but they just hold events. You go and interact with whomever you wish. I am committed with my guy now, so I frequently attend the sailing events with him but sometimes I go solo and practice being open to talking to men. There is no disappointment because there is no expectation. And I do meet men this way. Should my current BF wander off, I already know which men might be interested in me.



  238.  #238Violet on August 2, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    @ 221: Daria. Thank you for the feedback! What you suggested sounds like it would be relaxing to my inner spirit. I’ve been feeling out of touch, lonely, stressed from work and home, depressed, and just about any other ‘essed’. I hate feeling lonely! Since I rarely get asked out on a date, it seems unlikely that I’d have chances to CD and practice any Rori tools. When am I going to stop being so tired!? It seems like my ‘get up and go has got up and went!’ I would appreciate more ladies giving feedback. Thank you, Violet



  239.  #239Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Ok, since I don’t really know what to say to him about visiting this wknd, I am going to just …. say… of course you can come visit this weekend! and be happy about it, and then if he comes and asks how I feel, I will tell him… confused.. or.. something. I will work it out. But for now I will just text him Yes about the wknd.



  240.  #240DE on August 2, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    Lilybelle:

    thank u for your support 🙂

    Yep, staying open with men we aren’t attracted to feels weird doesn’t’? but yes, i noticed if i sense a fun, open, interesting personality, i feel more inclined to meet 🙂

    Can’t wait to hear details 🙂

    warm hugs,



  241.  #241DE on August 2, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    So, no meeting tonite …

    I haven’t heard from him…and of course, i didn’t follow up either 🙂

    My energy feels low as in tired…cuddling in my bed with fav book feels like Heaven 🙂

    I feel grateful for the opportunity to rest 🙂



  242.  #242Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    then again, I don’t know. maybe I should let him wonder for a minute. I am kind of pissed off – he hasn’t even written me back in response to my letter (which he said he would..three weeks ago…)

    …..

    I feel bad though, like I should be nice, love unconditionally… blah.



  243.  #243alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    i feel bad to be so polite that it erodes my authenticity.

    because i am intuitive i can often get a sense of what is going on

    and

    i used to caretake A LOT and basically

    eat a lot of sh*t
    other people’s sh*t

    and so they walked away feeling fine and i walked away feeling awful.

    and one day
    i just stopped doing it
    and then i stopped doing it even more

    and i stopped so much and started to feel so good
    that

    i couldn’t go back

    it’s like living under a bridge in a dirty paper box eating garbage

    and then you get a chance to live in a fine home with a big kitchen and gourmet ingredients

    and i would just

    never go back

    even if it means

    no one “likes” me

    and anyway that is a ridiculous NV
    and i laugh carelessly at it
    hohohoho ha

    people do like me
    people do respect me
    people do want to be my friend

    until
    a moment comes
    and things get weird with them too
    and oh well

    i just move on
    i no longer care if my “friendships” or “relationships”
    or “any kind of set-up between humans” doesn’t last forever.

    i care that i feel good.
    i care that i am authentic and true to myself.

    and anything else
    comes later
    if i have time
    or desire

    it’s a big world
    with a lot of experiences
    and so many people
    and geographical regions

    i will never run out of new people
    to try out my authenticity on and
    see if they can
    get wit it

    just like
    i will never run out of men
    or money
    or food
    or clothes

    it’s literally impossible for me
    at this point
    thank you.



  244.  #244Plum on August 2, 2011 at 8:50 pm

    189: FlowerChild77

    I do not argue what you are saying of your situation, I am putting a different light because you asked us to do so.

    I do not comment posts unless we are asked to or I am addressed directly.

    I have no business in arguing others’ life or others’ way to express themselves or others’ way to interact with others. I talked to you because you asked us to.

    I have no business in telling you how you talk to others or absolutely nothing of what you do is my business and you will not see me commenting anything unless it is about me or addressed directly to me or asked to me or to sirens in general.

    I talked to you only because you asked for our feed back and I felt sorry that only one siren addressed your worry.

    I will talk on this post to you about only you and me. You complain to me about my style with others. I am sorry I will not follow you there, I will not send this ball back to you by commenting your conversation with others. It would be minding what is not my business. I don’t do gossips.

    On this post, I will only speak of you and me and do my best to clear the misunderstanding you point out.
    You asked our point of view, I gave you mine.
    You described a given situation and you asked our feed back
    I gave several rational explanations to what you described. I have not denied what you described.

    If you remember, you wanted to ask him about your doubts and wondering how to do that.
    In answer to your question, I worked on YOUR own words. I have no business in doubting your own description.
    You gave facts. And as it is often done on here, I gave several very different interpretations of these facts. I worked, based on the facts you gave, I did not deny them.
    Among the facts that I did not deny was the non denied fact that he was seen ONCE playing cards on a night he said he would stay home.
    You were wondering if you should interpret the facts as the sign that he lies to you, and you said you were not sure and you did not know how to interpret. Among my several interpretations of the facts given by yourself and that I did not deny, there was the possibility that he lies and also the possibility he simply changed his mind that night and went.
    You could have taken your pick among all the possibilities I cleared up for you, nobody is denying anything, on the contrary the light is put on more possible interpretations of the facts given by yourself and that I did not deny.

    I don’t get into your mind or in your business, I don’t tell you what to believe or what to feel or what to do, I give interpretations of facts given by yourself because you said you don’t know how to take these facts and you asked our feed back. Take what fits you, if any, and leave the rest. A thank you would have suffice.
    Now if you wanted me to validate one specific interpretation, I could not do that because I did not understand that’s what you wanted.
    Had I understood before now, I would have kept silent like everybody else.

    To this break down I did for you, you answered with a post that says you are sure he lied and he lied several times opposed to the first post where you said you don’t know if he lied and he was seen playing cards only once.
    I told you “I am lost”. You surely read it, it was clearly written “I am lost”
    and I told you where I was lost
    I did not deny your facts, and did not comment your feelings, I was telling you I am lost, I don’t understand anymore. The facts are different from one post to another. I had nothing else to say, I don’t comment what I don’t understand. I told you sincerely I was lost.
    On the same post you tell me what you are afraid he is doing, which made me realize I had understood NOTHING of where you were coming from and I should have never answered to your request for help. I did not deny your fear, I said I don’t understand the logic between the new facts and the old ones. I had nothing else to comment because I don’t comment what I don’t understand.
    You surely read it, I wrote sincerely “I don’t understand what you are trying to tell me”.

    ***I’m sure you meant well and I’m just being too sensitive, but part of my journey is learning to speak my truth. I’m just doing my homework. ***

    If your truth includes abusing a poster for answering your request for help, then you have not done your home work before you spoke.
    I was not practicing with you, I was sincerely answering your own request for help until I realized I don’t understand what you are telling me which I sincerely told you and I left it. I don’t comment when I am lost. My sentence was written using *I* which means it was about me, I was lost. I said nothing about what you are or what you should feel or do or think. I spoke of myself and I said *I* am lost , *I* don’t understand.
    I don’t want to be abused for practice, I will not answer to your request for help anymore.
    A tip for the home work: own your stuff before you accuse. Try to see what is your stuff that makes you feel bad and try to see if it is really produced by others or by your own interpretation and reaction to others.

    ***I feel like a small child who’s just been scolded. I feel foolish, and underneath that is just plain old anger because I felt like was making some progress and you pretty much told me that I’m ridiculous and “shouldn’t” feel the way I do. ***

    You are judging yourself and want to make me own the judgments your express yourself about yourself.
    You judge that you are ridiculous for some reason that I will not ask, and you judge that you should not feel the way you do. Your home work would be to work on not judging yourself and when you judge yourself, because we all do and for ever as much as we try not to, if you try to make me responsible for the judgments you make of yourself, you cheat yourself.
    Own your feelings and you will be able to switch them to better ones. Catch your judgments before you accuse.



  245.  #245alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 9:10 pm

    and my toes look wonderful, dahling.



  246.  #246alias girl on August 2, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    i feel free. i’m gonna make some choco muffins with some made-up-from-memory recipe.

    wish me luck!

    LUCK!

    everyday i feel more and more free.

    and i realize

    i agree with abraham:

    the basis of my life is freedom

    the reason is joy.

    i feel like a beautiful ray of sunshine.



  247.  #247Teresa on August 2, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    DE: Good to see you here too! Thanks for the comment about the little one. 🙂

    Sorry your date didn’t come through tonight, (too bad for him) but yeah. I would rather curl up with books in bed myself. What are you reading?

    🙂 Hugs to you too!!



  248.  #248Daria on August 3, 2011 at 1:23 am

    i feel pinched in my heart

    i love the pinchedness in my heart

    and that feels like smiling

    and i love my smile

    and that feels like hehehehmm

    and i love my hehehehhemmm

    and that feels like yawn half

    and i love my yawn half

    and that feels like

    hehehhe

    and i love my hehehe

    and taht feels like

    tightness under my thighs

    and i love the tightness under my thighs

    and that feels like almost yawn

    and i love my almost yawn

    and that feels like

    pinching in my throat

    and ilove the pinching in my throat

    and that fels like yawn

    and i love my yawn

    and that feels like pressure in my forehead

    and i love the pressure in my forehead

    adn that feels like giggling

    and i love my giggle

    and that feels like pressure on the back right of my head

    and i love the pressure on the back left of my head

    and that feels like itching in my butt
    and i love the itching in my butt

    and that feels like squeezing around my hips

    and i love the squeezing around my hips

    and that feels like giggling

    and i love my giggllinga

    and that feels like a ywan

    and i love my yawn

    and that feels like smile

    and i love my smile



  249.  #249Jade on August 3, 2011 at 3:11 am

    @Jade
    I’m not in a clique on the blog. I missed the “free offer” you referred to. I didn’t comment on your post about your LD relationship because you mentioned it had already ended.

    However, on second thought I’ll say that if the guy was limiting your contact to one phone call a week due to distance, that is not necessary. I might jump off on this topic with a long post later this summer. Although keeping flames burning bright might require face to face physical presence, there can be a lot of ember fanning to keep things white hot in the meantime. Skype is very easy to use and free. You could “have coffee together” every morning if you wish…

    #25 @ Senior Lady Vibe:

    He doesn’t have a computer, he’s still techno-retarded, he doesn’t even know how to send a text message from his cell.

    Anyhow, I figured out in the last few days that a couple can’t build a real relationship when they only see each other once a month. I need to find someone closer (after I let that little child grow inside of me, of course).



  250.  #250Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:29 am

    okay.. .i am now back from looking at NYguy’s pag for like the past couple of hours… and listening to music

    but okay

    i love myself anyway

    and i see him i feel all lit up and smily

    so i want to feel that way all the time that would feel great!!

    ok now i know

    thanks NYguy

    so what do I do now?

    i can do some other fun stuff



  251.  #251Corin on August 3, 2011 at 3:38 am

    Well ‘biological clock guy’ texted me this morning. I replied saying that something was on my mind after the discussion about biological clocks and i felt nervous and embarassed to express it but I was looking to get married and have children and the person who i agreed to be exclusive with would also share that dream for one day.

    I feel so much relief of pressure now I’ve sent it. Part of me is waiting to hear his response if he does respond but a really big partof me feels taken care of me by myself. I wont allow men who share a different dream to me to take me off course.

    All last night I had weird dreams where i was feeling anxious, falling off my balcony etc. I think i was feeling scared and worried that i wasn’t taking care of myself and instead was stuffing and trying to impress a man who might not be good for me. I’m not trying to impress anyone anymore. I’m taking care of me, expressing my truth in an authentic and vulnerable way and that allows men to see how i truely am and if they can offer me what i need. if they can’t then they will release some space for men who can love me that way i deserve.

    Not chasing/trying to impress/ hiding parts of myself I fear people won’t like etc feels so freeing! I can be as happy around others as I am when I’m alone and cherishing myself.

    xxxx



  252.  #252Lilybelle on August 3, 2011 at 4:03 am

    240:

    Yes it does and if I am being honest, DE, I feel icky in my stomach about ProFishingDude. You know, that knawing in the pit of your stomach that tells you no, no, no…..

    It could just be fear of stepping out of my comfort zone into an unfamiliar area but I have to try it, at least once and if it feels icky still after, well then I will know that what my tummy and subsequently, my intuition is telling me is true and not a fear based feeling.

    I want to feel happy about going out on dates. I don’t feel happy about this one tonight.. CDating is supposed to be fun as well as healing and this one doesn’t feel fun to me. I feel dread.

    Yet, I am forcing myself to go, to be curious and be open to being surprised.



  253.  #253Rosa on August 3, 2011 at 4:08 am

    Note to Brenda,

    Brenda, I feel what you are feeling .
    The hopes rising, the joy, then the dump.
    The sadness, the questioning, the tears, the disillusionment.
    Then, Brenda, the harking back to the past and the despair.

    Take heart Bren. You are a winner.
    I feel so much changed with you lately. The whole vibe is one of confidence and persistence and ATTRACTION.

    The little relapses to the old “ryan’ loops are normal because you are not stuck there now and your ACTIONS ( Craigslist ad , dating ) are those of a woman who is attractive and present for a good man to find.

    I am just so heartened to read this .
    It inspires me to get back on my horse.

    I have settled in to dating 2 men currently who are loyal , constant FRIENDS. I like them both but I am not “in love” or even in lust with either , and they dont touch me.

    A friend told me i need to say to them that i am looking for a man who wants all of me and all my femininity and I should move on.

    I would lose two great friends and activity partners if I did this and on top of my move, this loss would be difficult.

    I met a man through work who is very attractive to me , absolutely not available due to our work relationship and his marriage which i totally respect and have worked with him to improve. Rather , it just shows me that i CAN still be attracted and I CAN still feel feminine despite the events of the last 8 months.

    I also realise I am fooling myself continuing to CD men who are friends only and too scared to touch me.

    It feels bad to give them up. It would feel worse to have “the talk” and berate them for not coming on to me , then dump them.



  254.  #254Rosa on August 3, 2011 at 4:15 am

    I have moved from an Imaginary Friends With Benefits Non relationshp situation to Friends Without Benefits dating ..

    its so odd to consider 🙂

    It would feel good just to be wanted for all of who i am by a good man who i liked and was attracted to. It doesnt seem too much to ask.



  255.  #255Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 5:03 am

    @254: Rosa says:
    “…I have moved from an Imaginary Friends With Benefits Non relationshp situation to Friends Without Benefits dating ..
    its so odd to consider
    It would feel good just to be wanted for all of who i am by a good man who i liked and was attracted to. It doesnt seem too much to ask…”

    I’m going to accept that there are many beings in my soulmate tribe, I probably won’t meet all of them, some of them might be the same gender as I, older or younger, even furry or feathered and I don’t have to marry all of them or even be “romantic” with all of them.

    😀

    xoxo



  256.  #256Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 5:05 am

    I must have been tuping too fast and the italics queen has returned. 😳

    Off to find tink…

    xoxo



  257.  #257Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 5:10 am

    @254: Rosa

    I’m going to accept that there are many beings in my soulmate tribe, I probably won’t meet all of them, some of them might be the same gender as I, older or younger, even furry or feathered and I don’t have to marry all of them or even be “romantic” with all of them.

    I hope that is better…

    And to add… I don’t think there are any finy or scaly members of my soulmate tribe but maybe I’m wrong about that.

    😀

    xoxo



  258.  #258Corin on August 3, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Rosa,

    I’m trying to consider in what ways my relationships with others are a mirror of my relationship with myself. How much do you view yourself as you believe others are viewing you? How can you overcome this and love and accept yourself more?
    xxxx



  259.  #259Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 5:23 am

    @249: Jade says:
    “…#25 @ Senior Lady Vibe:
    …Anyhow, I figured out in the last few days that a couple can’t build a real relationship when they only see each other once a month…”

    Perhaps I can; however I’m taking a lot of range with the interpretation of “see each other.” My group of possibilities is smaller so I aim to broaden it.

    😀

    xoxo



  260.  #260Mel on August 3, 2011 at 5:30 am

    I have a question (and a frustration).

    Lately it seems many people in my life (family/friends, ex) act as though they have zero confidence in my ability to take care of myself.

    For example, I was telling my dad about the apartment. First he starts off by questioning if that’s what I really want to do. Then he starts saying things like ‘hmmm… a basement suite… uh… are you sure it’s not going to leak?… hmmmm… is it in a safe neighborhood?… did you make sure that the lease is okay?… Oh really? you’re not going to have room for a couch?…Are you sure you don’t want to do _____?” It drives me nuts! As if my every decision needs to be questioned.

    It makes me feel like people think I’m a complete idiot. That’s not a feeling… okay… It makes me feel unheard and disregarded. I feel like my decisions don’t matter and that I’m being judged and corrected.

    Did this happen to any of you? Did your well-meaning family/friends offer unsolicited advice on even simple mundane things? How did you handle this?

    Last night I said “I don’t want to talk about this any more. I have to make a decision based on the current situation, not on what may or may not happen in 2 months. I am an adult and I know how to take care of myself. When people question my every choice, it makes me feel like they don’t have any confidence in me. I feel exhausted having to explain and justify things to everyone, because it’s not just you, but virtually everyone I talk to. It feels like the same conversation over and over again and that feels tiring.”

    My dad said it’s just that he’s worried about me and cares about me and wants to help. How do you say that meddling isn’t helpful?

    He said the thing is that he just doesn’t know what to say or how to act. I told him just to act normal. LOL.

    Also husband this morning rolled his eyes at me when I was saying something and then gave his opinion on the matter. Major trigger. Eye-rolling = you think I’m an idiot. = I’m going to shut down now. = I’m not going to listen to a word you have to say even if it’s good advice = up goes a BIG wall to keep you out. I really hate eye-rolling. Especially since I’m feeling really sensitive to judgement and criticism right now.

    I think I did an okay job of telling him that felt bad. That I felt unheard and corrected and judged.

    Second trigger= when you say how you feel and people EXPLAIN why they did it rather than acknowledge your feelings. I would rather no response than an explanation of why my feelings are wrong. Husband is notorious for this. Now I’m feeling more unheard, I feel 2 inches tall. I feel angry. Even if I didn’t intend to do something, if I learn that what I did made someone feel bad, I still think it appropriate to apologize. … I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, that was not my intention. Now I’m mad at myself for expecting anything different of him. Expectations get me every time. I just want to be treated kindly and respectfully. I deserve that. Not really sure how to communicate these boundaries. Perhaps I just need to start walking away. He doesn’t want to hear how I feel.

    I am definitely noticing a theme though. I am constantly being triggered about feeling incompetent and stupid. I must be worried that I will make the wrong choice, that I don’t know how to take care of myself. But I DO!!!!!!



  261.  #261Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 5:33 am

    @172: Daria says:
    “…SLV – plase link peacock eyelids! feeling inspired!..”

    It was “peacock” after all… “peacocky” to be exact. I watched the vid last night and I was disappointed. I had seen the final look and I liked it but
    “Peacocky” video did have the kind of instruction that I’d seen in Ebony’s earlier vids.

    An example is the one linked below. You might like to experiment with that look too… It has kind of a shimmery siren look…

    78 Palette: Chartreuse & Purple Look
    http://www.youtube.com/user/colouredbeautiful#p/u/12/akA4clK3Mc4

    😀



  262.  #262Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 5:35 am

    And here’s the peacock one too…

    Exotic Peacocky Look (MAC)
    http://www.youtube.com/user/colouredbeautiful#p/u/106/p9nkKwhvWYM

    😀



  263.  #263Corin on August 3, 2011 at 5:36 am

    Mel,

    I’m really working on noticing that people in front of us simply reflect how we are with ourselves. How much do you trust that you can take care of yourself? If I was in your situation after 10 years of marriage I would definitely have some fears and concerns. How can you cherish that part of yourself that if fearful (if that is the case, just a suggestion it may be something completly different) so that it feels soothed?

    If we are bothered by somone else’s actions I find it is ALWAYS because it shows something in ourselves we are struggling with. If that was not the case then it wouldn’t bother us so much.

    xxxx



  264.  #264Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 5:40 am

    That should be…

    I had seen the final look and I liked it but
    “Peacocky” video did NOT have the kind of instruction that I’d seen in Ebony’s earlier vids.

    well,,, you’ll see… it’s kind of a fast forward application without the narration as in some of the other videos. Still… it’s intriguing…
    *)

    xoxo



  265.  #265Corin on August 3, 2011 at 5:52 am

    Wow, biological clock guy responded in such a positive, open and equally vulnerable manner! I’m really starting to get results from the whole strong on the inside, soft on the outside concept. I also love to focus on myself as shining out my siren-ness and having no more work to do than that. I don’t need to convince/chase/suppress anymore. That feels so good.

    However I do have a lingering fear that this all goes well until I get more deeply involved with someone and our defences come up. This is the route my relatioships always take. My ex used to say that he loved my emotional vulnerability but he still wasn’t making me enough of a priority in his life for me to stick around. I’m only responsible for my side though. If I focus on vulnerability and honesty no matter what, good things can keep rolling in, even if it means I walk away to find something even better.



  266.  #266Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 5:58 am

    Corin I am thinking that though the clock comment might feel icky, it might be worthwhile to bring it back to yourself. Is there anything you might have said in your profile or your conversation that could have given this off? I would explore that and if not then you have nothing to worry about. If it comes up again I might even find a playful way to find out from him if he hears mine and see if he could tell me how loud it is ticking to him. It might be just his fear of commitment issue because he migth have experiences with other women who immediately want to grab onto him and put him in a cage. If he senses that you are keeping your options open for the best man who will offer you what you want he might feel less pressured. My guess is that he will be okay if he senses you are in the dating pool for fun while keeping your options open until the one man who will walk off in the sunset with you shows up. Daria’s previous post with her conversation where she told the guy there are more than 20 men interested in her and she is not looking for a boyfriend but plan on being open until something serious comes up might be the way to go.



  267.  #267Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:02 am

    Mel I have not finished reading your 270 but just wanted to quickly suggest that you consider this the Universe returning the Waterwheel with love towards you. People can only do the best they know how. Appreciate their comments and let them know you will consider it but will do what you feel is best for you.



  268.  #268Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:03 am

    Sorry Mel I meant 260.



  269.  #269Rosa on August 3, 2011 at 6:03 am

    Brenda, from Evan Marc Katz
    Have you recently had a bad date that, at the end of the night, when you curled up in bed, the only thought coursing through your head was “I hate dating!”

    Have you recently ended a relationship that left you hollow inside, either because he turned out to be world-class jerk or because he was a man with a ton of potential who never lived up to it?

    Have you ever taken these experiences and decided that the best move would be to take a semi-permanent break from men?

    If so, I feel for you.

    It’s painful to put yourself out there again and again, only to end up in the same frustrated, lonely place you were before.

    So you draw the most logical conclusion in the world: if I don’t date, I can’t get hurt.

    It’s foolproof in its logic.

    Truly, if you don’t date, you can’t get hurt.

    You also can’t fall in love.

    And that’s where your semi-permanent “guyatus” is a TERRIBLE idea.

    If you’re truly sick of having guys break your heart, the answer is not to quit, it’s to persevere with a new perspective and attitude about dating.



  270.  #270Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:14 am

    RE 260 Yes Mel it feels somewhat like judgement but I would ask myself, where am I judging myself.

    Eye-rolling can be handled with “I noticed the eye rolling when I said and I am wondering how you felt about what I said?”

    Mel I also noticed that after you repeated yourself a couple of times you did not choose to walk away from the conversation that was making you feel unheard. “I feel like a child being scolded and I don’t want to feel like that with you so I am leaving to take care of myself”.

    Second trigger – I was reviewing CCarter’s book last night. He says men have different emotional potential and he seems to believe that some have none because he describes them as a dry well. He encourages women to leave those men alone otherwise one have to be very patient to draw out the emotionality in such men. Your husband’s potential might be very low. He might also be wanting to help you but is feeling helpless because deep inside he either knows you don’t want his influence or he is feeling badly for putting you in this situation. He might be trying to explain because he is taking what you are saying personal – maybe even feeling criticized by it.



  271.  #271Susan on August 3, 2011 at 6:14 am

    RE: 260: Mel ~

    When I divorced after 21 years of marriage, I was also treated as incompetent. And the eye rolling thing also triggers me. (So does shoulder shrugging.) Every decision I made was questioned and every new thing I tried to leaned was loudly cautioned against (as if I were accident prone and unable to learn anything.)

    My solution was to let the people I love know about things AFTER THE FACT. Several people loudly doubted my ability to figure out how to install a ceiling fan. I told them I had already done it AFTER I had installed 3 of them in my house. It was hard to learn, I admit, but I did manage to learn. It was the same with the time a huge limb broke off a tree and blocked the road in front of my house. I bought a chain saw, cut it up and stacked it for pickup. In the snow. It was hard. I had bruises. When I told my mom what I had done, she immediately said I couldn’t handle a chain saw. I laughed and said it was a good thing I didn’t talk to her BEFORE I handled the problem, and that it had been handled properly.

    I was told I could never learn to sail a 22 foot (or larger) boat. I took a 20 hour on-the-water course and I am now certified by US SAILING and I sail 22 foot racing sloops. I am 55, by the way.

    These are issues where you just have to let your inner boy handle things.



  272.  #272Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:18 am

    Mel you said you would rather him acknowledge your feelings. CCarter says be the change you want to see in the world. I know you are in “separation” mode but I would try acknowledging his feelings to experiment with what that would result in. This is a husband so I believe to a certain extent the context would still be “team-like” and in any event it would help clarify for you the impact you can make in another relationship. Next time acknowledge your father’s feelings or whoever feelings first just to see is what I would say.



  273.  #273Rosa on August 3, 2011 at 6:22 am

    Thank you SLV and Corin.
    Speaking of furry and fun , just been wrestling with 16 yr old son ,homo sapiens and 10 yr old doggus gorgeosus 🙂

    I am probably a walking talking “Beware ” sign ..how does one know?

    I must be ! the one nighters have disappeared from my horizon and the only guys around would seem to be as happy as if i were their Grandma!!!

    So am i projecting Grandmaishness?
    Well lets start with nots.
    i am NOT sending sexy wink wink texts .
    I am NOT on the free websites .
    I am NOT promising future delights if they date me now.
    I am NOT pretending anything.
    I am NOT unavailable.

    I am , like Brenda, tired of the dating and tired of not being a real woman who is sexually desirable…hot even!!!!…exciting and pursuable…

    I FEEL hot
    I FEEL desirABLE
    I FEEL worthy.



  274.  #274Corin on August 3, 2011 at 6:24 am

    266- FW.

    Yes he is definitely reflecting a fear of mine right back at me! I have considered ‘settling’ to have children in the past. This is very much a fear that is holding me back. Thank you. I will do some EFT on it today. I’m imagining holding my beautiful child with my loving husband beside me right now xxx



  275.  #275Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:27 am

    RE 271 Susan in the case of men I believe this chainsaw type of thing is the thing we can use to hkelp them feel “needed”. Some have that need. I have not been the type to ask for help but I am learning now. I helps some guys feel like they can be our heros sometimes.

    Having said that they also appreciate that we can be independent so taking a balanced approach is the best way to go is what I believe. With the loud cautioning type of thing now I ask myself if there is anything I might have said that suggested to them that I need validation.



  276.  #276Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:29 am

    Re 274 That is fine Corin make peace with that picture. That is what you want. It is a lovely picture and I am sure any man would want to be in that picture. He just needs to know that it does not have to be him. Your relationship is more important than the man himself,



  277.  #277Corin on August 3, 2011 at 6:30 am

    273- Rosa,

    Yay! You are hot and desirable! How does it feel when you imagine that being seen and appreciated by men all around you as you go about your daily life? Radiating hotness! Is there are fear or discomfort when you imagine this?



  278.  #278Mel on August 3, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Re 272:

    Fw…

    So would that look something like “I know you guys love me and are concerned about me. I appreciate your support. I want to be independent and do things on my own, and you can support me best by showing confidence in my abilities.”

    Is that what you mean?

    How would that look for husband? It’s harder with him because I don’t really know what he’s feeling. AT ALL. Sometimes it seems like he hates me. Sometimes he seems ashamed. Sometimes he seems helpful. Sometimes he seems friendly. Sometimes he seems utterly annoyed with me. I just never know what emotion is going to come out.

    So… “I noticed an eye roll while I was talking and was wondering what you were thinking. I appreciate your advice, and know you want to help, but in this moment I’m feeling disrespected. Are you feeling frustrated about something?” Hmmm, I don’t know because the last bit would only be my best guess about what he was feeling. Maybe how I would feel if I were to roll my eyes at someone.

    What do you think FW?



  279.  #279Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:35 am

    By the way Mel, I was thinking about a past relationship where I told the guy if he left me for the other woman (I was young back then) that he was settling for second best and that he would not find another woman who would love him as much as I do. We were effortless with each other. I guess because of youthful indiscretions he went. 20 years later he came back to try at least twice after she left him. He told me he felt he would not be happy until he got me.

    I am thinking that at some point when you are feeling at your most sireny you should suggest something to that effect to your husband. Finding someone who really “gets” you and want to be with you does not happen overnight. I am sure he is aware of that. Maybe at a point where you sense he is doubting his decision might be a good moment to suggest something while wishing him the best in his life. You never know, he might allow it into his subconscious where it might come back up to haunt him in the future while you are having a fabulous life.



  280.  #280Mel on August 3, 2011 at 6:35 am

    Susan (Re: 271)

    LOL! AFTER the fact is a great idea! 🙂

    If I want advice I can say “I’m thinking of _____ what do you think?” and if I don’t, I’ll just do it and say “BTW I did ______.”

    Sometimes I still get “You SHOULD have done ______.” though, so I’ll have to work on that one too. 🙂

    The picture of you out there with a big chainsaw made me smile! 🙂



  281.  #281Mel on August 3, 2011 at 6:38 am

    FW: Re 279

    Yup, I just have to make sure it doesn’t come across as me “reaching” for him. I’d have to be sure I was in a sireny mood for sure!



  282.  #282Rosa on August 3, 2011 at 6:40 am

    SLV , thinking more about my soulmate tribe..thank you for that thought.

    My human soul mates are valuable to me , and doc man is one for sure …the difference is i dont feel like the Special Sauce. I want to enrich , add flavour , and texture and SPICE to my mans life . In my 50’s that feels like life, being the sauce.

    If i am not saucy and spicy and not any man’s DISH, then I am less than myself , and if my kids are comfortable tnd dont need me, then i could be DONE. And I am not into being done !Cuss and swear!! ***&&

    I feel i am MORE , not done, I am scarred sure, cancer does that.., but i am still lovable .

    I am resisting



  283.  #283Mel on August 3, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Corin: Re 263

    Yeah for sure! I can definitely reflect that back on me and say… wow I must be worried I won’t be able to take care of myself or this wouldn’t bother me so much.



  284.  #284Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:40 am

    Mel I would go slowly, one sentence at a time to allow him to absorb it and give him time to respond.

    With the eye rolling rather than thinking I would ask about the feeling or maybe look for a word to say “are you feeling insignificant”. I suggest ask about the feeling under the action or what he is saying because I noticed Margaret Paul at Inner Bonding suggesting something similar recently. Also in the Emotional Intelligence course I did earlier this year it was recommended. I used it with someone recently and it magnitized him so close to me sometimes I feel uncomfortable because he tends to come too physically close but I take it as helping me to open up to intimacy.



  285.  #285Susan on August 3, 2011 at 6:41 am

    RE: 275: Femininewoman ~

    At the time, there was no man I could ask to assist me. If I didn’t do it I would have had to hire it done. I didn’t have the money to hire it done, so I just took care of things.



  286.  #286Brenda on August 3, 2011 at 6:41 am

    Rosa,

    RE: #253 – I really appreciate your encouragement! You really helped me see where I currently am in perspective. You’re right – I am growing, and my vibe is improving. And I can’t just give up every time I hit a bump in the road.

    It takes a lot of emotional energy to meet each new man. I don’t think I could ever sustain 5 in my rotation. Maybe 3. I guess I’m already somewhat filled because I have Kenny and New Jersey on the phone with me every day. I still have only met New Jersey one time, after about 3 months. I invited him to a party this Sunday – let’s see if he comes.

    I still feel really bad that York hasn’t contacted me for a second date. I feel like contacting him, and I am resisting.



  287.  #287Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Dr. Paul says that a man who uses “should” a lot is an indication of someone who has weak boundaries.



  288.  #288Rosa on August 3, 2011 at 6:44 am

    Mel Hi and blessings.

    I am amazed by your immediacy and presence …well done.



  289.  #289Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:45 am

    RE 281 Mel the thought of “reaching” for him suggests to me that you are questioning your siren skills and your belief in yourself as a goddess. I have read that in the presence of a siren other women are not competition for you. I believe it is in the attitude we exude. You have to believe you are a siren Mel who can magnitize any man to you. You are a goddess who any good man will want to scoop up.



  290.  #290Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 6:46 am

    #260

    half hour riff Whew. I can use some caffeine now…



  291.  #291Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:46 am

    RE 285 Yay Susan, you independent woman you. I would have second guessed myself on the chain saw deal.



  292.  #292Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:49 am

    Mel whatever choice you make it is just a choice, neither wrong nor right. It is an experience that you will learn something from. Not right or wrong. Life is just a string of experiences. Choose to just experience life. I believe Rori has a post that says something similar.



  293.  #293DE on August 3, 2011 at 6:49 am

    SLV #261& 262:

    Wow…thank you so much for sharing these videos…i looove it…:) i am always interested to find new looks…

    warm hugs,



  294.  #294Mel on August 3, 2011 at 6:53 am

    SLV… LOL! 🙂 I’ll make you an espresso if you want to stop by!



  295.  #295Rosa on August 3, 2011 at 6:53 am

    286 Bren , love your resistance …I Do !

    I love all these MEN occupying your mind space . I love that they are energising you 🙂



  296.  #296Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 6:55 am

    @271: Susan says:
    “…These are issues where you just have to let your inner boy handle things.,,,”

    Every day… LOL 😆 I think I’m going to refer to this as my “inner me.”

    (singing) All of me…. all of my inner me… la-la-la…

    😀

    xoxo



  297.  #297Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:55 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/love-life/to-get-more-love-take-in-more-love/#more-2010
    The solution is to PRACTICE opening your heart, little by little, baby-step by baby-step, and letting like and love in without trying to fend it off, push it back, or make it small enough for your inner misery voices to tolerate.
    The solution is to get your inner Nasty Voice to quiet down a bit and not feel so scared and activated by getting it slowly USED to your being loved!
    You can do this by simply starting with loving YOURSELF!
    I know it seems too simple – but really – how much time do you spend totally appreciating YOU! Dressing you to feel good? Making you pretty and happy and soft and humming along? Giving PLEASURE to yourself every way you possibly can?
    Taking every opportunity to tell yourself how much you love you and to smile at yourself and pat yourself and make love to yourself and sing to yourself and dance for yourself and slow yourself down so you can take all this love in….?
    Try starting here – with you loving you…and then expand a bit.
    Include the children and old people and strangers you encounter out in the world. Let their smiles get into your heart, and let your smile OUT.



  298.  #298Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:04 am

    Mel RE 292 I think this was the post that came to mind, don’t know if it is relevant.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/be-an-investigator-of-experience/#respond
    We are not detectives of “thoughts” we are investigators of experience, through the medium of feelings — Rori Raye
    This sort of came out of my mouth during one of my teleclass support group sessions, and I quickly wrote it down, because it’s pretty much the bottom line of what we’re doing here.
    Instead of searching for a “result,” instead of living in the place where you’re striving for your “goals” – we’re about experiencing the moment, using it as an opportunity for awareness and illumination and practice, and letting the future unfold.



  299.  #299Brenda on August 3, 2011 at 7:04 am

    Rosa,

    RE: #269 – “Guyatus”! Love it! Thanks for posting that!



  300.  #300Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 7:05 am

    @273: Rosa says:
    “…the only guys around would seem to be as happy as if i were their Grandma!!! So am i projecting Grandmaishness?…”

    Hmm, don’t know. Could it be you are projecting what you think “grandma-ish” is? I’m a grandmother… a “hot” one, I think. Or at least semi-warmish. LOL 😆

    You have dates, so there is no “beware” sign. IMHO, you have what you need right now in this time and place. Perhaps the “hot stuff” is up ahead and will be there when you are up to full steam. Yeah, I think so…

    xoxo



  301.  #301Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 7:12 am

    @282: Rosa says:
    “…then i could be DONE. And I am not into being done !Cuss and swear!! ***&& …”

    Definitely… NOT… done… LOL 😆

    xoxo



  302.  #302Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 7:19 am

    @293: DE

    They are fun. I’m exploring… I might not go as “colorful.” For me, less might be “more.”

    The individual eyelashes application and eyebrows makeup videos really interest me. I might have to master those because my eyelashes and brows are rather sparse.

    Fun, isn’t it? 😀

    xoxo



  303.  #303Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 7:24 am

    @294: Mel says:
    “…SLV… LOL! I’ll make you an espresso if you want to stop by!…”

    Thanks! I’ll walk over to one of my local Mickey D’s and bring back a couple of the coffees; theirs are weak enough to be just right for me. It’s more an excuse to take a walk. I need to learn to work my coffee maker but it’s more fun to go out.

    xoxo



  304.  #304Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Mel a reminder of a speech Rori recommended to someone. I believe you could tweak it a bit for your situation. If anger I believe it can show on your face but the energy cannot be more intense than the situation

    “1. don’t like being talked to this way. I feel very upset and angry. I want to hear you and i cant do it well when I feel attacked. And I don’t want to tolerate this so I am leaving/going in the other room. That looks like. I don’t like being talked to this way. I feel very upset and angry. I want to hear you and i cant do it well when I feel attacked. And I don’t want to tolerate this so I am leaving. “



  305.  #305Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Another reminder

    “Factor #3: All of my relationships support me to be my best me and to live the life I want, or I don’t have them.
    This can be one of the hardest milestones, because it means putting a big stake in the ground for yourself. It requires honoring yourself SO much that you only have relationships in your life – friendships, romantic partners, even relatives – that give respect, trust, unconditional love and truth”.



  306.  #306Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 7:29 am

    @299: Brenda says:
    “…Rosa,
    RE: #269 – “Guyatus”! Love it! Thanks for posting that!…”

    Hi! That was in the newsletter I referred to yesterday. I hope you got a chance to read all of it. I knew right away he was talking about him self with the feminized pseudonym… hahahaha… I’d read all those “bad date” stories before. 😆

    xoxo



  307.  #307Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:32 am

    “It would feel great to be with you. I
    feel awkward and excited even talking about this.
    And I don’t want… a boyfriend or a live-in
    relationship at this point in my life. I’m looking
    to be married and be a mother. So, until you’re
    sure you want marriage and fatherhood, it would
    feel better to just date and keep my options
    open.
    “I feel so much love in my heart when I see your beautiful
    face” – then EXPRESSING it (without any caring at
    all what happens or what he does after we express
    it) has to be ALL we want. If there’s even a tiny, tiny bit of expecting
    him to do the same – then we’ll push him away.
    He won’t feel our love, he’ll feel PRESSURE.
    He won’t feel our open heart and body and
    passion just ready for him to dive into – he’ll
    feel our expectation.
    He’ll feel that we want something from him.
    And that feeling of being pushed and pulled
    will send ANY man running for the hills.”



  308.  #308Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:34 am

    This is another one I keep going back to

    “1. Love is freedom. The freedom to let go off control.
    We experiment love, we feel love, we share love, we are love.
    We don’t control love. Life without love feels scary, unsafe, it felt like i was always being dismissed… my attempts to feel close…
    1. I feel judged for being me, for being true and open and raw and ugly and messy. Loving all of the features we have — the perfect, the quirky, the downright ugly — is one decision that creates beauty.” I honor myself. I feel confident that honoring me and expressing all my voices is the most honoring thing I can do fort family and humanity.”



  309.  #309Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Corin from my saved archives, something you might be able to tweak for the biological clock guy

    “I’m having a really awesome time with you and you are sexy as heck.  That’s why I feel like I need to tell you that I’m looking for my happily ever after man not just a boyfriend.  I feel like I’m ready to make that kind of commitment and to have someone to love and share my life with and have a deep connection that grows stonger with time. So I would like to see things go to the next level. What do you think?”



  310.  #310Mel on August 3, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Hey Lilybelle,

    I wish you a great old time with fisherman CD tonight! Maybe pack your hip-waders just in case! 😉

    Seriously though, it sounds like you are being SO open and sireny! I’m feeling really appreciative of you right now because seeing you be such a rock star inspires me daily!



  311.  #311Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:52 am

    Got this in an email
    “Anne Sullivan, teacher of Helen Keller, tried again and again to teach her the concept of words. The gifted tutor worked tirelessly to draw out of Helen the treasures buried deep inside her. She literally ‘willed’ Helen to succeed. Watching this relationship in the powerful play The Miracle Worker, you see Helen begin to blossom and develop gifts that would inspire the world for generations to come. Praise, practical help, encouragement-all of these flow out of us naturally and genuinely when we begin to see, as Anne Sullivan saw, the untapped potential buried inside each individual.
    To be effective, your praise should be immediate, specific and genuine. Dr William Mayo, co-founder of the famous Mayo Clinic, used praise to encourage young doctors. One of them said, ‘You’d read a paper at a staff meeting and afterwards he’d see you in the lift or the hall, and would shake your hand and put his hand on your shoulder with a quiet Good work, and a straight, warm look that made you think he meant it. Or perhaps a day or two later you’d get a note from him, just a short one, saying something like, Dear ________, I learned more about _________ from that paper of yours the other night than I ever knew before. It was a good job. Believe me, a fellow prized those notes.’



  312.  #312Daria on August 3, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Mel – :eye rolling:

    ‘wow that feels bad… whatsup?’



  313.  #313Daria on August 3, 2011 at 9:36 am

    the context – what happened before the eye rolling – is important here…

    how did it come about?



  314.  #314Daria on August 3, 2011 at 9:44 am

    Mel – do not go up to and talk to the husband at all, unless he is adressing you.

    In this situation approaching him, telling him anything, is leaning forward and overfunctioning. (LIke a recent Rori post where Laura brought him the mail)

    Do not do anything other than responding to his initiations.



  315.  #315Mel on August 3, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Hey Daria,

    I was talking to him about my apartment lease. I don’t recall who started the conversation. He wanted to give some legal advice on the lease, which I would have accepted. I just don’t like that he rolled his eyes (as if he thought what I was saying was useless) before he offered the advice. Yuck.



  316.  #316Brenda on August 3, 2011 at 10:13 am

    I used feeling messages in an email with a potential landlady, and she called me a simple fool! LOL! She had a fixer-upper, and I said she talks like her hovel is the Taj Mahal!

    She wrote back insulting me some more, signing off as The Maharajah, LOL! It was fun, so I am going to post it:

    Rental Ad: Seeking motivated, determined, skilled and qualified tradeperson(s) with initiative interested in a (furnished or not) private, single country property requiring renovation to call “home”. Terms to be negotiated. Contact XXXXX for more information.

    B: I am interested! Can we discuss this further? I am at XXXXX

    M: The current tenent has until Aug. 31 to move. The house will require, as stated in the ad, someone very skilled, determined and motivated. It is located in the country on a private lane and needs a lot of work. I’m interested in qualified tenents and what they can bring to the table. There will be a first and last month’s rent, security deposit and renter’s insurance required. Approved pets permitted. Exact terms to be negotiated as also stated in the ad.

    Tell me of your current situation: what do you and your husband do for a living; where are you living now for how long and why do you seek to move; are you smokers; etc.

    B: I feel yucky about such strictness when I am in the middle of TRYING to negotiate with you, and you are apparently unwilling to talk about it on the phone. What I hear is, “I’m renting out a total dump and I want to make you sign your life away as if it’s the Taj Mahal.”

    No thanks.

    M: Get over yourself. You weren’t anywhere near the middle of negotiating. E-mails and not telephone calls are the initial contact venue to weed out would be applicants, and it definately worked here. Your attitude has put you in the “junk” pile. Fortunately for me, you won’t know what the situation involved silly fool. There are several people interested in the property and you couldn’t even get past the first hurdle. Your rudeness is unacceptable. Your situation does not constitute an emergency on my part. The only thing you got correct is no thanks, as in my, “No thanks to you”.

    B: I have a right to express my feelings. And I did so gently…What you wrote here feels really bad. Your rudeness and ridiculous requirements didn’t get past MY first hurdle. You see, when people are renting, they care what kind of landlady they have, as well. I pity your future tenants who will live in your hovel.

    M: Yes, everyone has the right to express their feelings but you were as gentle as a freight train. You were the rude and ridiculous one. I think the concern for care would be mutual from both tenant and landlord, and my thoughts regarding you apparently are correct. Unfortunately, your “yuckiness” is contagious but happily short lived.

    The Maharajah

    B: Most Honorable Maharajah,

    Life gets spicy when we strip away the polite veneer, doesn’t it? LOL! 🙂

    I believe every healthy relationship has disagreements. Perhaps you’d like to hire me to put the fear of God into your tenants! 🙂

    Her Exalted Highness,
    Brenda

    😆



  317.  #317Daria on August 3, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Mel – please don’t start ANY conversations with him at all. This seems small… and it’s not

    something happened before the eye rolling…

    if you recall the words you used in the conversation, I can help you tweak it



  318.  #318Mel on August 3, 2011 at 10:27 am

    I think he just didn’t agree with what I was saying. Then he rolled his eyes and said “No, you should say this…..”



  319.  #319Daria on August 3, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Brenda – thanks for sharing your convo!

    i noticed some things that were helpful to me…

    are you aware that along with the excellent initial feeling message… you used some judgements and attacks?

    ” you are apparently unwilling to talk about it on the phone. ” this was a judgement

    “What I hear is, “I’m renting out a total dump and I want to make you sign your life away as if it’s the Taj Mahal.” – this was an attack!

    That would definitely trigger most people to close off…

    I know her desires seem unreasonable… and yet she doesnt know you personally… I wonder what triggered you?

    this seems a great opportunity to tweak communication for better results

    perhaps changing small things here can shift other communications with men and relationships that feel more important and intimate than this one



  320.  #320Daria on August 3, 2011 at 10:35 am

    Mel – since i dont know what words you used, my guess is you were probably stating an opinion …

    I wouldn’t go there at all…

    just go feeling message all the way – initiate nothing – (so that it would always be clear HE started the conversation)

    oh thank you that feels helpful! i feel so glad to have your help

    oh wow thank you, i feel resistant… i dont want to do that



  321.  #321Mel on August 3, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Yup, I’m really going to stick with the no convo initiation whatsoever.

    “oh wow thank you, i feel resistant… i dont want to do that”

    I like that one. It’s a good way to say I don’t want to do that without triggering him.

    Thanks Daria!



  322.  #322Brenda on August 3, 2011 at 10:47 am

    Daria,

    RE: #319 – LOL, thanks for your feedback! yes, I was aware they were attacks. In all my apartment hunting, I have identified things landlords say that are a turn-off to me, and I did not want to pursue this one. I will admit they were attacks BECAUSE I didn’t know how to put that in feeling messages, beyond the “I feel yucky”. But I also didn’t really care at that point and was just venting in an area where it couldn’t come back to bite me…venting for all the other landlords I’ve been bending over backward to try to convince them to let me in with my 2 dogs and 4 cats!

    If you would be so kind, will you please suggest tweaks so that I can practice? I wasn’t sure how else to word it in feeling messages. But I had fun letting my hair down, LOL!



  323.  #323Brenda on August 3, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Daria,

    319 – P.S. What triggered me is all the control-freak landlords I’ve had in the past who are wayyyyy to invasive! I am doing my best to find a rental where they are not micro-managing me!



  324.  #324Mel on August 3, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Ok Daria…

    What if I actually want to know his opinion on something? Nothing to do with the relationship, but like something practical that I need to do or would like advice on?

    If I started with “Can I ask your opinion on something?” Would that be leaning forward too much? Is it best to just leave him out of stuff unless he asks to be involved?

    Like, for example, if I want to know how we’re going to organize the move (moving truck, for example), or if I want to negotiate the division of the furniture, etc.



  325.  #325Susan on August 3, 2011 at 11:03 am

    RE: 316: Brenda ~

    I found this to be highly entertaining! And I can’t think of why any “motivated, determined, skilled and qualified tradeperson” would want to improve someone else’s property.



  326.  #326mali on August 3, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Re: 316 Brenda

    That is hilarious! I’m still LOL-ing 😀



  327.  #327Mel on August 3, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Ok, you know how yesterday we were discussing whether or not guys feel “confused” about a relationship?

    So here’s a great example. Yesterday he tells me that he’s going to get a moving allowance and instead of using it to hire movers, he’s going to just rent a truck and do it himself so that he can use the allowance to “make sure I’m settled.”

    Now to me that’s a REALLY loving and considerate thing to do. Something you wouldn’t do for just anybody.

    But yet, despite all of the care he obviously has for me, he still wants to not be married. To me this says confusion. Or maybe it’s just MY confusion! LOL.

    I guess for me I can’t see how I could love him and also NOT want to be married to him.



  328.  #328Susan on August 3, 2011 at 11:14 am

    I have a question. I am interested in everyone’s answers, especially Daria’s:

    I understand using feeling messages with men and letting our inner siren interact with men we may be interested in. What I don’t understand is interacting with other people as a siren and using feeling messages with everyone. Please explain the advantage of this. Seems to me our inner boy gets very bored with nothing to do…



  329.  #329Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Mel guys are different from women. Also I understand that some guys will choose their freedom over being in a relationship. That is what I have learnt from CCarter. Because we feel complete or fulfilled when in relationships we assume that guys feel the same way. Some value their freedom more.



  330.  #330Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 12:05 pm

    Susan Rori also talks about switching hats. I practice going back and forth with both boy and girl, especially in the office. Talking about feelings come as a natural part of being a girl. I have paid attention to people around me and that is what I have realized. I also see where men use it too. For me being sirensque means speaking in feeling messages most of the time, not necessarily all of the time.



  331.  #331Susan on August 3, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    RE: 330: Femininewoman

    This makes sense to me. I have a very strong and capable boy and using feeling messages is new to me (new as of around Christmastime) and I find feeling messages VERY helpful with dealing with my guy. I honestly believe he wouldn’t still be with me had I not found Rori. He responds pretty much word for word as Rori says he will and I have been astounded by what has happened with our relationship in the past 8 months. But when he isn’t around, I tend to let the boy take over. He knows how to get things done. I haven’t tried using feeling messages with other people. It might be worth a try. My boy does like controlling part of my day, though. He gets things done and is proud of it.



  332.  #332Letitshine on August 3, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Hola everyone! I hope you all understand, but I had to take a break for a while as I noticed, no matter how much I wanted to, I kept posting information about my ex (the one who said he got spooked, wanted to be friends, wishy washy) and by posting and reading , reading posts, no matter how hard I tried, it just made me think of him more. So, recap and lot’s of posts coming (beware :). Sorry I wasn’t here to help you if needed but honestly, I couldn’t of helped because I was too invested.

    Recap: friends doesn’t work… I finally gave in and said I would try it but I didn’t know and didn’t think it was a good idea… one visit..wasnt friends although I didnt sleep with him..(yeah me).. that was 3.5 weeks ago. Good thing, I did try the Stopyourdivorce method of agreeing with him and it worked a bit for those who wonder if it will. He was saying something about no other men being out there and I didn’t respond and then something about me being married and not hanging out with him. I said “your right. we will never be married”, “why” he asked, “don’t know, just think your right” I said… he said “I’m not marriage material”, I said ” no you are, just won’t work out” he said “oh because I have a fear of love and intimacy” and he said “maybe in 4 years we can be married after I resolve all my issues…maybe I could take a crash course”.. Anyway, see how he pulls me in and I listened… it may be true and it may not…I DON”TCARE ANYMORE… he texted next day how he thinks of me and we’d talk later and that he doesnt understand how he can hang out with his other ex and not feel attracted to her but he can’t seem to keep his hands off me… Ah DUH.. anyway.. 9 days goes by and no call… I finally GAVE UP and thought I would give Match.com a whirl. I had been hesitant because heard bad things.. Of course that’s when he contacted me again wanting to go to lunch. I said ok but not today as I have plans (I did..not a date but he didn’t need to know). I got an ok and nothing else. Well, I decided I had had it. I didn’t want to wonder anymore about if or when he would call. So next night I texted him and said I enjoyed our time together but I felt it best if we both move on and I requested he never contact me again so I can move on. I got an ok. That was 2 weeks ago. Yeah. I think I’ll be home free in another 2 weeks.

    HOWEVER, I was really hoping match.com would provide the opportunity for me to get back out there and date.. not to find the one.. but to work on me like Rori says. Well here is what has happened:

    2 weeks on Match:

    451 profile views
    1200 views

    150 winks

    about 50 emails

    I responded to 10 or so and the results I have to say SUCK. I was all excited but today am not feeling so great.. WTF is wrong with some of these men.. I know someone will show up someday but geez, I didn’t expect it to be so hard to get one date.

    1 talked on phone, he asked me out for later the week and never called me.

    1 we texted… seemed good.. never heard from him

    1 guy..I think this was a fake profile..weird vibe and he was boring and his profile had conflicts.. so I didn’t respond after a few texts.. plus he never mentioned meeting at all after a few texts so figured..married

    1 guy…texting 2x a day.. then before ever met called me sweetie..and I said that was too fast..

    2 guys say they loved my profile, wrote long emails, I responded, 1 asked me out for coffee for this week and now haven’t heard from either of them..

    WTF.. I keep telling myself it is not me ..honestly I am a pretty good looking girl, funny, I think my profile is honest and sincere..but I have to admit..I did get that NV today…saying..maybe I do have something wrong with me or my profile… Okay..so there it is..I know brush it off…but ugggh. I just wanted to go out on one date…

    I don’t contact anyone and I don’t respond to winks anymore as those are free I discovered and don’t waste my time… if they can’t email..forget it.

    Well, I have given myself a hug and tried to paint myself in love .. but honestly, I think I’m going to create my own dating web site..I’m trying to just focus on me…my work…my Jazzercise..me me me…but I don’t know how I’m suppose to CD when none of them follow through…



  333.  #333Letitshine on August 3, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    So the guy I said I wasn’t feeling more than friendship, emailed back saying he still wanted to get to know me as friends and who knows. I feel like well, he is the only one responding so maybe I should go out with him..,but I would feel bad..that is using him.. which I have to admit…someone help me as I know this isn’t the right way to look at things but sometimes I feel the CD is using men and I wouldn’t want to be used like that so why should I do it (go out with them if I’m really not interested etc). So would love to hear thoughts on that…just curious..

    Oh and there is one I said I wasn’t interested but would be friends and I meant only friends (said it nicer of course)…is it bad to contact him to vent about the site and to get some insite into perhaps my profile or his experience with the site??? I don’t want to mislead anyone.



  334.  #334LobbyStar on August 3, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    332:

    “I feel discouraged when men ask me out and flake, because I want to be with a man who follows through.”

    That’s what I said to a guy I met on a dating site who asked me out not once, but twice, and flaked on me both times… and THEN asked me out again. He said he got scared, because he never met anyone from an online dating site in person before.

    “I feel sympathetic to that, but I want to be with a man who is serious about wanting to meet someone.”

    How’d I do, sirens? This girly stuff is so hard for me!



  335.  #335FlowerChild77 on August 3, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    Plum/#244

    I sincerely apologize for not using the right words/way to express how I felt. I don’t think we are supposed to be sorry for what we feel—but, apparently, I did not express it properly. I am sorry.

    I thought that by saying I know you were trying to help me, it was understood that I was just saying how I felt (albeit, not the right way.)

    I am such a ‘baby’ at trusting my instincts that when I read your post (the one I spoke of in #244) all I could “hear” was that I was wrong and making a big deal out of nothing. I was feeling so proud of myself for taking my ‘gut feeling’ seriously–and then (even if by accident) finding out my intuition was, indeed, trying to tell me something.

    I grew up in a home where my feelings were constantly ‘erased’ and denied. Any time I dared express feelings of any kind there was a litany of verbal abuse thrown at me. Eventually, I just shut down and became a very somber, terrified and nearly ‘mute’ little girl. I cannot remember a time when I was not called, “…a selfish, ungrateful little bitch” (among many other things) and reminded, on a regular basis, that anything I had was WAY more than I deserved. I had lots of trouble in school because I was afraid to speak.

    I do not share this as an excuse (actually, it’s humiliating and makes me cry to type it.) I’m just saying how MUCH I know I need to heal and why I’m so desperate to be able to trust myself and my intuition.

    Again, I apologize—though I’m a little confused, as I have seen many, many back and forth posts where Sirens argue and disagree with each other, call each other names, etc. Post after post after post of nasty, negative comments, digs and insinuations (some very thinly disguised as “riffs.”)

    I feel really clueless and ignorant, because I don’t see how me saying I feel angry (and why) is so very much worse than these other women’s very lengthy spats. And I don’t recall any of them being accused of abuse.

    I am very mixed up and, honestly, had no intention—what so ever—of causing a problem here on the blog, of making anyone angry or feel bad—and least of all ‘abusing’ anyone.

    I thank everyone who’s tried to help me, and respectfully choose to ‘bow out’ before I get myself in any more trouble. I’ll be back when I can learn how to express myself “correctly.” 🙁



  336.  #336tinque on August 3, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    Flowerchild – There was nothing at all wrong with how you expressed yourself…Please stay.

    xxoo



  337.  #337Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    RE 335 aaww FlowerChild please be gentle with yourself. We are all human and don’t always get it right. Rori has said we have to make mistakes to learn. Please don’t go misunderstandings happen in life.



  338.  #338Letitshine on August 3, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    @11- Love this attitude!! Thanks. I’m posting to my “life pick me up poems” I read when I’m feeling down!!

    @31…I feel your pain and I feel angry at times too about this situation…I am trying not to say frustrated because Rori said somewhere (can’t remember which program)..frustration is really angry that you can’t get something you want when you want it…I would agree..I have noticed this and am trying to see what I am angry about

    NEED HELP ON HOW TO CONNECT QUICKER TO FEELINGS:
    What I have learned from my ex that I need to work on…when the guy goes wishy washy or withdraws, I have a harder time connecting with my feelings..I usually will be more silent to things a man says and only later do I realize how I felt and wonder or get angry I didn’t say how I felt in the moment..but it is because I didn’t recognize it I think..or I know how I feel but can’t get that third part of the mantra…”choose your words” quickly enough… anyone have any ideas on how to improve on this?

    Okay..will check back later..I must work!!



  339.  #339Susan on August 3, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    FlowerChild,

    I’m hoping you don’t leave. I’m not a perfect fit here and feel closer to others who feel the same. Plus the web is devoid of the facial expressions and tone of voice that we get with face to face interaction and I think we tend to supply those as we read. Sometimes something gently written doesn’t seem that way when we read it.



  340.  #340Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Letitshine I would encourage you to read under Rori’s Communication Category to your right on the blog. Everything is spattered with examples of how to speak with feeling messages. In the meantime I would start practicing putting my attention to my body parts such as stomach, chest/heart area, hands, back of neck. See if your heart flutters, your hand get sweaty, if the blood rush to your head in certain instances, if you experience a lump in your throat or if you feel nauseous. This can help you get aware of your feelings.



  341.  #341alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    #335 Flowerchild77 i feel compassion. almost all the sirens here have “quit” the blog at one time or another because it can be very triggering. but my experience is that it is a very safe place to work through triggers, to fumble around with awkward expressing, to practice the tools, to experiment…

    sirens are triggering each other left and right. lol.

    but i believe there is a deeper understanding, forgiveness, and openness here than there is in many other places.

    it has been an invaluable place for me to practice being who i really want to be. and i have gone to far extremes and made many “mistakes”.

    i feel encouraging towards you.
    i feel compassion for this situation and from my outside perspective i see a clearer picture of the breakdown in understanding between plum and yourself.
    i respect both you and plum, i am not taking “sides” (i felt a need to say that)

    I feel encouraging…

    if you decide to go, you can always come back. i feel welcoming on that statement.



  342.  #342aspiringsiren on August 3, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    i accidentally posted this on an old thread a few hours ago.. i was catching up on some posts and totally forgot i was on an old one!
    ___________________________________________________

    haven’t been on here in quite some time but was just dealt a huge blow and i need some advice …..Please!

    i spent the weekend away with this guy (before i went i told him that if he wanted to work on things then i would agree to go) who has been in and out of my life for the past few years. we had a great time and he asked me to call or text when i got home. i did and he didn’t say anything back.

    the next morning i sent him an email saying it doesn’t feel good to me to be ignored. had a great time with you this weekend but think i may be having expectations and then setting myself up for disappointment. what do you think? (yes i used it from one of rori’s emails)

    he responded that he wasn’t ignoring me and wasn’t sure what expectations i set up for myself. that he had a great time too but if i wanted honesty and thought that there was going to be a relationship between us then yes i was going to be disappointed but if being good friends is what i was looking for than that sounded good to him

    i thanked him for his honesty and told him that i have feelings for him that are beyond friends and i don’t want to be just friends with him

    he responded and said …i really don’t know what to do, but i’m being honest. If you can’t be just friends, then i understand that. I’m sorry but i can’t do more than just friends.

    i didn’t respond at all …. i’m completely crushed.

    we have not been in a committed relationship in the past. we live several hours apart and there is this cyle of him making contact, persuing me, talking a lot and maybe seeing each other(twice a year at the most), something happens (usually he does something that i don’t want to tolerate) and we stop talking or i tell him to get lost and he does for a few months and he makes contact again and the cycle starts over. i try to move on and he contacts me again.

    he is the man that i want to be with more than anyone and i don’t know how to break the cycle. this is the first time he has said he just wants to be friends and i feel fine with my response to him. I don’t want to be in this never ending limbo with him.

    what does it sound like to you guys is going on ?
    did i handle it the right way?

    please help me break this cycle. i want to get the guy but not at the expense of what i want for myself

    what do i say if he contacts me again to be both warm and open but also with better boundaries to ensure that i’m not setting myself for disappointment again ? i’m usually just so happy to hear from him when this happens that it’s like everything goes out the window and i forget about everything else and we end up back in the same place

    please help!

    femininewoman already responded to that thread! I appreciate it! she also asked if i was cd’ing and this was my response

    – FW- in what context do you mean “why am i here?”

    cd’ing – not really. I don’t get out much to meet new people and seems like the guys that want to ask me out are way young or they haven’t foudn the one yet but still want to start a family (i’m already done w kids and don’t want to waste anyones time)
    and i’ve always been the …meet a guy start talking and leads into dating exclusively or meet a guy talk to him for 5 minutes and realize that i don’t want to date him at all. i know, i know… it’s worked out real well for me so far. I don’t know cd’ing just feels weird to me. I wish it didn’t but it does.



  343.  #343Lilybelle on August 3, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    341:

    Very well put, AG.

    I agree.



  344.  #344Wildflower on August 3, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh I feel sooooo angry at myself right now. I can feel my heart closing up. I want to stay open I just feel like a siren failure right now. After coming to pick me up the other night the guy I’m dating said he’s making something for us for dinner that requires monitoring the oven and asked me if I’d be willing to drive over to his place. It kind of took my by surprise since I had already told him how if feels important to be picked up and instead of speaking the truth I sort of blanked and got tongue tied and in my head and said “ok” (since that seemed like the “reasonable” response). He didn’t even tell me he was making the dinner special for me or anything. Just that he was planning to make it. Now I feel ANGRY and RESENTFUL and mostly dissapointed in myself for not sticking to my boundaries. Why is this so darn hard for me?? All I had to say was, “Wow I so appreciate you making dinner and I feel excited to see you but it feels so much more romantic and important to me to be picked up by men. I feel so good around you and I don’t want to become resentful.” Or something like that. Now instead I’m beating myself up. Ok I gues it’s good I”m at least realizing I do this instead of telling myself that I”m just really “laid back” about stuff and stuff doesn’t bother me–which is what I’ve always done. I still deeply and profoundly love myself. I just feel dissapointed and worried I will never get it. I love my worry. I can do this…I can. No one particular man is so important that I can’t express myself and stay true to myself. Even if he decides to never call me again I WILL be ok.



  345.  #345Teresa on August 3, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Alias Girl #243- I like your post about feeling bad to be so polite that it erodes your authenticity.

    Re: everyone talking about the no girlfriend speech..
    When Baby’s Father asked me what I wanted … I said “I’m not trying to be anyone’s girlfriend… I intend to be married and have a family, etc” – and apparently it sounded funny to him or was memorable because in the last 8 months he’s repeated it several times “I’m not TRYIN’ to be anyone’s girlfriend”… lol

    #307 FW
    “I feel so much love in my heart when I see your beautiful
    face” – then EXPRESSING it (without any caring at
    all what happens or what he does after we express
    it) has to be ALL we want.

    yesss. working on this all the time.

    #309 FW
    “I’m having a really awesome time with you and you are sexy as heck.  That’s why I feel like I need to tell you that I’m looking for my happily ever after man not just a boyfriend.  I feel like I’m ready to make that kind of commitment and to have someone to love and share my life with and have a deep connection that grows stonger with time. So I would like to see things go to the next level. What do you think?”

    I like that..but this would be leaning forward, unless he asked something or initiated this, yes? just wondering. I haven’t read the rest of the conversation with Corin.

    ps if I post here with the same email address but change my name, will i have to wait to be re-approved? hope not. I think I wanna change it.



  346.  #346Teresa on August 3, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Okay…
    In response to baby’s father’s text about coming up to visit saturday.

    I said…
    “Thanks for planning ahead. =) I am confused, I thought you wanted me to come down this week. What days did you want to get together in Austin?”

    ——-”oh, I wasn’t sure you were still coming down. I was going to come up there Saturday.”

    “Yes, I worked it out so I could, except no car. (he had said he would come get me)… “I thought you guys wanted me to wait til the wknd, for mom to feel better. That’s why I mentioned it Sat. nite.”

    ——”yeah but she’s out of town now. She won’t be back until at least the 6th”
    (…umm.. i didn’t realize that had that much bearing on it — I thought HE wanted to see us.)

    “only saturday, or sunday too?” I am happy you have gotten to be with us so often lately. =)”

    ok saturday is all good. are you spending the night?

    ——-”i’ll have to go back sunday. I’m not sure if I’m spending the night yet. – Me too, it’s been really nice to see ya’ll so often. :)”

    So I told him in the beginning, “I’m confused”… even though he didn’t ASK how I felt, he came to me texting ME about coming to visit. Is it still leaning forward to tell him how I feel in this case?

    I also felt like I should have followed it further when he said his mom was out of town… because I thought he wanted us to come.. and we kind of planned it, ish.. I am usually laid back but since he has been so non communicative and withdrawn lately I am kind of pissed off.

    but why be pissed off, just move on, right? Well, I see that I need to put more feeling messages out there, but just not sure what to say.

    When he is here we’ll see how he acts/what he says. If he doesn’t approach any of this or continues to be withdrawn, it just makes me lose interest.. this is difficult since I HAVE to see him.. to let him see the baby.

    But. It will not remain that way forever. The baby will eventually be older and ready to be away from me. And Baby’s Father is going to be in my life for a lonnnng long time. Plenty of time for him to step up. As someone mentioned yesterday, they always come back. He’s been around for EIGHT YEARS, and has seen me even through other relationships.. (which he did not tell me, but I believe, mainly due to a few comments I’ve heard him make before – in the past I know he had a difficult relationship with a live in girlfriend because he wanted to still see other people).. But in the last eight years he has run wild, while he moved all around the country and had other girlfriends, even when he lived HERE we saw each other AND other people. Because I was more involved elsewhere. But I am the Goddess and I have decided I feel like something more serious.

    So now I am feeling sad, because I INTEND to be married, and this has all come together so perfectly and we bloomed so beautifully… I hope I can get us past this hump of “i might be interested in open relationship”.. because it seems to have thrown a wrench in things…. since he is not talking to me much.. the last 3 wks since that comment, I can’t tell what he’s thinking, all I know is I feel sad.

    I love how our relationship has bloomed lately. It’s just this HALTTTTT record scratching sound I hear when he said “i am kind of interested in open relationships”… though he failed to elaborate on this.. I don’t know WHAT to do so I think I will just lean back and do… NOTHING. brilliantly NOTHING. Let him lead here. …. ??

    I hope I can be the Goddess that allows him to be the man I need.



  347.  #347Susan on August 3, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Wildflower ~

    Look at it this way… A man is making dinner for you!



  348.  #348Wildflower on August 3, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Susan,

    Thanks you made me smile 🙂



  349.  #349Corin on August 3, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Flowerchild,

    I’m feeling sad that you might leave although I respect that might feel like the best way for you to take care of your feelings at this moment. I’m finding that on here can be a really good place to do something different to ‘life on the outside’ where I would shut down and withdraw.

    Your comments about your childhood were so open and vulnerable. Thank you for trusting us enough to write that.

    xxx



  350.  #350Corin on August 3, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Wildflower,

    Sounds like you may be beating yourself up for not following Rori ‘perfectly’. Simply noticing your feelings is great! There is still time to express your feelings later if you still wish to do so
    xx



  351.  #351Daria on August 3, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    im feeling so disappointed that life seems so boring here

    after two years of feeling bored i feel just longing remembering the awesome amazing times i used to have here

    ugh!

    i HATE that feeling that ‘the time has passed’ and that there is no more fun

    ew!

    thank you daria for practicing matching your vibration ABE style to what you wanted

    thank you daria for acknowledging your feelings

    this is such a familiar feeling for me though!

    i feel grateful i have the computer where i feel energized and fun even though i judge it

    i love me so much

    i feel so excited to move to Brazil

    i feel so disappointed that my home is starting to feel as bored and ‘standardized’ as places i judge

    i love me

    this feels very triggering for me

    i feel feelings of despair underneath pleasantness

    i love my despair

    i love my pleasant cover

    i love my hardened heels

    even in new york i did not have the amazing dance fun i imagined

    and even there i sat alone in times square and was wondering where the exhilarating excsatic euphoric dancing connecting people were

    and its ok because i am starting to generate some

    and i bet they are in brazil and these are all ways that are helping me get clear on going to brazil

    i love me

    i love my loneliness

    i love my crumpleness

    i love my despair

    i love my frustration

    i love my trying and trying

    i love me i love me i love me

    i love my tears

    i love my tightening scrunchy face



  352.  #352Corin on August 3, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Just had a text from potential CD who wants a first date tomorrow. He works as an anaethetist and as such has long hours and probably is not what I’m looking for long term (I broke up with my ex because I felt insiginificant in comparison to the focus on his job).

    He initially asked to meet at 9pm which for me is later that I would ideally like but as he said this was due to work, I agreed. He’s now texted asking to have the date moved back 15 mins as expects the shift to be busy.

    Can anyone suggest FMs for this? I’m still planning to go but am holding in my mind that this shows even more that we are probably not right for each other. I feel a bit annoyed that the date is being moved even later but also understand that he has important things to do. I feel worried about saying I’m annoyed when I know it’s a perfectly reasonable request. Also feeling less interested in him.



  353.  #353Daria on August 3, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    i bet NYguy never feels lonely like this

    i feel so jealous

    ugh!!!

    this is probably not true but that’s what i think about the men i feel attracted to

    i am attracted to their unloneliness

    so jealous

    FUCHK YOUO!!!!

    i feel so jealous i feel ANGR?Y

    and frustrated

    RARRRGH



  354.  #354Wildflower on August 3, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Corin–thank you. Feels nice to hear you say that.

    I just went through and used my boy energy to answer a bunch of emails on eharmony. I’ve been putting it off and feeling blah because of it.



  355.  #355Corin on August 3, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Does anyone else have a pattern of dating AlphaMale types who struggle to balance work and relationships? I’ve just got off the phone with another one (biological clock guy) where I was able to express that I broke up with my ex for this reason and felt anxious that his long hours at work would be a problem for me. He gave a really positive response so feeling happy about that!



  356.  #356Daria on August 3, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Corin – lets first shift your focus on dating… CD is for therapy, so don’t even go there with thinking long term…

    the attitude here is “yay! a man to PRACTICE WITH FOR AN HOUR” – AWESOME!!!

    “I wonder what he showed up to heal??!”

    – your HEALING is the focus of this

    now as far as expressing yourself – great healing opportunity…

    here’s some ideas to use… but go short

    how about… hmm… i feel kinda weird… i was feeling hesitant about 9 pm as it feels kinda uncomfortable for me to meet so late for the first time… and…

    i feel like i might be kinda high maintenance here… i notice im feeling a lil put off at having to change the time… i like to feel like an important priority to feel romantic… i don’t like to feel second to a man’s job…

    what do you think we can do so it could feel good for both of us?



  357.  #357Daria on August 3, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    i might even say…

    wow … im feeling kinda triggered… i felt second to a job with a man in my past and i dont want to feel that way… and i notice that coming up for me here and im feeling a bit turned off… and i dont want to feel that way with you

    what do you think we can do with planning so this can feel romantic?



  358.  #358Corin on August 3, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Wow just facebook stalked my ex and he has downgraded my access to his profile so I only get restricted access. I feel angry, sad, teary, want revenge, want to attack!

    How dare he????? I’ve been hoping that my dating others would draw him back in, more prepared to make an effort with me than before but now I feel crushed. I’ve been reading of other people always having exes returning and now I’m thinking why not me????? I feel so sad. I feel insignificant and unloved and embarassed.

    I still have some stuff of his at my place that he said he would be in touch to collect. Now I want to burn it and send him an angry e-mail telling him that’s what I’ve done! I know Rori speaks against closure or any final desperate act but I want to express and feel respected by him but don’t know how to do it.



  359.  #359Corin on August 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    I don’t even have access to pictures of us he took when we went to Paris. I feel so sad and really rejected.



  360.  #360Letitshine on August 3, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Wildflower

    I feel the same way you do…. they say hind sight is 20/20…i suppose there is a reason for this..I struggle with the very same thing..I feel something and stuff it down..sometimes I’m aware I’m stuffing and sometimes, I just can’t think quick enough..I don’t want to be trying to think of the right thing to say all the time… ugggh..exhausting!!!

    I’m going to try my mom’s advice…”There’s always tomorrow Scarlet”….. and be a broken record inside my head…not sure that helps!! good luck!

    *******************

    I was feeling sad a bit ago and almost had a big crying spell..feeling overwhelmed…kids gone whole week = lonely..but getting projects done= yeah; computer almost crashed= panic. but I got up and went and did some laundry..yeah me..I am feeling a bit better.

    I’m also feeling angry: Is it possible to send the “I want a date” too bad via email? Honestly, maybe my mom is right..I focus too much on finding dates…but if you don’t…and you sit in a closet (like a friend of mine)…how you ever gonna grow and eventually find a partner??? WHAT the FUCK is so wrong with looking?? I’m tired of people saying “oh, when you least expect it, it will happen” HMMMM..,that’s why there’s 10,000 new people signing up on Match.com everyday… (hah- another good reason to develop my own dating site…anyone interested..who would create a better one that all the sirens on this blog..I’m not there yet but someday hope to be)

    But now… I’m gonna be my broken record.there’s always tomorrow Scarlet… maybe I will watch a movie and forget for a while… I love getting caught up in a movie..



  361.  #361Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    well at least thats the impression i have of NYguy

    and i bet, thats the impression people have of me!

    theyre like, D, you always have guys, etc

    and really i feel desperately lonely like all the time!!

    ugh!!!

    I HATE that feeling!!

    i love my hate

    i love my feelings

    i love my loneliness

    i love every piece of me even though i feel like ripping myself apart right now

    i love my rarrrgh

    i love my anger frustration

    i love my im gonna fuchkin burst if i dont explode feeling
    !!!



  362.  #362Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    @316: Brenda

    Oops 😳 Perhaps I missed some of the messages; I see you throwing the first stone…

    What in the world happened here?????? Some past difficulty with this woman? Ouch!!!

    Hugs.

    xoxo



  363.  #363Letitshine on August 3, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Wildflower

    I feel the same way you do…. they say hind sight is 20/20…i suppose there is a reason for this..I struggle with the very same thing..I feel something and stuff it down..sometimes I’m aware I’m stuffing and sometimes, I just can’t think quick enough..I don’t want to be trying to think of the right thing to say all the time… ugggh..exhausting!!!

    I’m going to try my mom’s advice…”There’s always tomorrow Scarlet”….. and be a broken record inside my head…not sure that helps!! good luck!

    *******************

    I was feeling sad a bit ago and almost had a big crying spell..feeling overwhelmed…kids gone whole week = lonely..but getting projects done= yeah; computer almost crashed= panic. but I got up and went and did some laundry..yeah me..I am feeling a bit better.

    I’m also feeling angry: Is it possible to send the “I want a date” too bad via email? Honestly, maybe my mom is right..I focus too much on finding dates…but if you don’t…and you sit in a closet (like a friend of mine)…how you ever gonna grow and eventually find a partner??? WHAT the F&*&(&^ is so wrong with looking?? I’m tired of people saying “oh, when you least expect it, it will happen” HMMMM..,that’s why there’s 10,000 new people signing up on Match.com everyday… (hah- another good reason to develop my own dating site…anyone interested..who would create a better one that all the sirens on this blog..I’m not there yet but someday hope to be)

    But now… I’m gonna be my broken record.there’s always tomorrow Scarlet… maybe I will watch a movie and forget for a while… I love getting caught up in a movie..



  364.  #364Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Corin – just don’t contact him… feel the urgency and the humiliating feelings and hopeless awfulness and love yourself… you will heal a lot if you don’t lean forward now



  365.  #365alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    #343 lilybelle. thanks!!!!

    #345 teresa. i feel supported. i test out new behavior here that feels SCARY sometimes. and then i see how i feel. then i adjust. babystepping toward my expanding goddessness which feels very fulfilling. 🙂 i feel excited by your feedback because sometimes posting on the blog is like posting into a vacuum. lol. and i feel good to have a postive effect.



  366.  #366Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    @325: Susan says:
    “…I found this to be highly entertaining! And I can’t think of why any “motivated, determined, skilled and qualified tradeperson” would want to improve someone else’s property….”

    Some options that might be up for negotiation could be….a lower rental cost for the renter, an in lieu down payment if option-to-buy is on the table and allowable in that state. A part time job, if the property owner owns other properties… All kinds of things…

    xoxo



  367.  #367Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    and you know what else feels disappointing

    sex

    like fuchkin, i know it felt amazing to get head when i first got it, and then amazing a few times with Transformer man, and amazing one time with Dman

    and fuchk!

    what happened!

    ti doesnt even feel that good with transfomer man

    its like, it feels so frustrating to think about that

    and then sex sex, it mostly just feels sore and irritating!

    blah!

    oh it felt good with Guywho, thats right

    i forgot about that, no wonder i was so into him

    i feel angry frustrated

    diappointed at life

    maybe next lifetime sex will feel good cuz apparently this one IT SUCKS!!

    i love my anger at sex

    i love my non enjoyment feelings of sex

    I HATE HTOSE

    i love my hate

    i love me



  368.  #368Corin on August 3, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Thank you Daria,

    I’m allowing myself to cry and am certainly not leaning forward. I think I will hold onto his stuff until the end of the week and then if he hasn’t been in touch to get it, i will chuck it. I don’t like holding onto it indefinitely as it feels a bit like holding onto him and i feel resentful.

    I texted doctor guy saying that i felt awkward meeting late and if it was any later than this then i would prefer to reschedule. That seems like a baby step towards the full truth.

    How do you manage to stay so in the moment? I know that I get really focussed on thinking how much I want a husband and children and this must come accross as pressure to men. I would love to learn to soothe this part of me as it is probably very unattractive or even desperate.



  369.  #369Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    SUCK MY ?DICK LIFE!!!

    mmph

    i don’t have a dick!

    ufff

    what i mean is

    i feel so angry at you life!

    i feel so angry and frustrated and just powerless!!!



  370.  #370Corin on August 3, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Awww Daria,

    I’m sorry you feel so frustrated. What do you want to happen?



  371.  #371Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    @353: Daria says:
    “…i bet NYguy never feels lonely like this
    i feel so jealous
    ugh!!!…”

    Or… he could be sitting in a subway train that has unexpectedy gone out of service, and has been sitting on the tracks for ten minutes with A/C shut down. tee hee… 😆 You never know…

    UH-oh, train moving… but now he has to get out and wait for the next one! 😀

    Ah, life… the little quirks and pitfalls… there they are everywhere we go. And there we are, everywhere we go. Might as well have fun…

    xoxo



  372.  #372Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    Corin – i just tell them i want a husband and children right away

    i actually don’t feel very much pressure towards that (in fact i feel scared of it)

    but to me, this makes me in my mind instantly 1000% more attractive to men

    they LOVE hearing that!

    so, i kinda cheat and make sure i let them know



  373.  #373Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    maybe i will have better luck to tell the truth and tell them i still feel scared of it!

    WOW !

    that is a great idea!!

    i want to be married and have a family, and actually, i feel kinda scared of it too… i feel scared ill feel bored and unfulfilled

    wow!

    i feel scared ill start to want to date other men and have sex with other men if i have a husband who really adores me

    and i still want a husband who really adores me

    and i feel totally confused

    soooo.. what do you think?

    well… to me, i feel scared THAT will scare men away and turn them off

    but maybe thats the way to go

    they pick up the truth in my vibe anyway

    hmmm

    coool…

    i feel scared i won’t like it, but i do want it, and i feel afraid it will shut down something i really enjoy which is to feel paid attention to by lots of powerful and attractive men

    wow this is helpful!!!



  374.  #374Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    i stay in the moment pretty well because of practice practice practice

    oh yeah, and, when i feel powerfully attracted, i start thinking ahead too

    so i am also talking to myself

    its just practice with NYguy daria

    its just practice with that other guy you felt weird with

    ha! so easy to forget its just practice when i feel attracted to them

    totally forgot

    i thought the point was to make them fall in love so i can know i am incredibly attractive and have amazing sex

    oops

    actually its just practice

    i am incredibly attractive and i do want amazing sex

    thanks Daria



  375.  #375Daria on August 3, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    ‘i don’t have the patience to have amazing sex with myself’

    hmmm



  376.  #376Teresa on August 3, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    #364 Alias Girl : #345 teresa. i feel supported. i test out new behavior here that feels SCARY sometimes. and then i see how i feel. then i adjust. babystepping toward my expanding goddessness which feels very fulfilling. 🙂 i feel excited by your feedback because sometimes posting on the blog is like posting into a vacuum. lol. and i feel good to have a postive effect.

    I actually felt very inspired and spoken to through your post, because I am struggling with being nice also.

    Like Man-I-Live-With.

    Something is wrong with his car and can’t get it fixed right now. I am struggling with my car payment and he offered to pay a third of it plus the car insurance for this month.. if he could use the car. We have lived together as a family and I usually consider things “ours” or try to be fair. I have no problem whatsoever with him using the car. But then he uses it to go to this girls house (a 40 year old CHILD) whom he has cheated on me with recently – and that should be ok?

    A couple of times I almost took the use of the car back, or thought about telling him I would drive him wherever he needed to go.

    But I didn’t. I decided that I do love him unconditionally and if that’s what he wants to do, then so be it, why should I care? I haven’t got time for a second thought about someone who would rather be there than here.

    I don’t know if I’m doing it right, but that’s what I felt at the time.



  377.  #377Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    I’m in the library. Yikes, it’s so noisy here. I’m used to blessed quiet when I’m at home. I’m trying not to by triggered by this guy four stacks away talking LOUDLY on his not permitted cell phone. And the security guard is way over on the other side… I don’t even see her…

    Sometimes people are so yucky!!! Yucky…

    He’s still talking… Ewwwww.

    xoxo



  378.  #378Corin on August 3, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    Daria,

    Talking about those fears around raising a family and being married sounds good. Very vulnerable. It would be good to hear how that goes!

    Ok, on all my dates this week I’m going to tell myself ‘It’s only practice’. I’m now feeling worried that doctor guy won’t want to know me after this. However that means I’ve weeded out someone who is not right for me and that is a good thing as it means I’m closer to the right guy. All I have to do is keep shining my goddess self and they will come.



  379.  #379Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    @367: Corin says:
    “…then if he hasn’t been in touch to get it, i will chuck it. I don’t like holding onto it indefinitely as it feels a bit like holding onto him and i feel resentful.,,”

    Closure is not required but I believe you will feel better about yourself if you do not chuck out his stuff. That seems a little petty and vengeful. I’m calling it that, you might not. I’d put every little bit into a cardboard box so that there would be limited access and time when he comes to pick it up the box. Then I’d send a one line e-mail and ask him to pick it up (at a time convenient to you.) You don’t have to be there either if a close girlfriend will help you out.

    If he didn’t respond right away, I’d probably stick the box in back of a closet for a while.

    xoxo



  380.  #380Corin on August 3, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Yay,

    Expressing feelings works! Doctor guy has rescheduled to friday when we both have the day off. Biological clock guy has just sent me a list of things he likes about me which feels really good to read. I’m remembering how bad I felt with my ex; so let down, shut out and rejected. I’m following happy, cherished feelings and walking away from sad, rejected ones!



  381.  #381Mel on August 3, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    Corin,

    “I’m remembering how bad I felt with my ex; so let down, shut out and rejected. I’m following happy, cherished feelings and walking away from sad, rejected ones!”

    That feels good to hear! 🙂



  382.  #382Corin on August 3, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    SLV, Thank you. Yes it is petty and those thoughts are not a part of me that I like! They are attacky, victimy, vengeful and unloving.

    I have already put some of his stuff away in a cupboard and will do the same with all the rest. Maybe one day things like his DVDs will prove useful on a future date with someone else!



  383.  #383alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    #375 teresa

    i feel unsure if your post is expressing yourself and your questions, rhetorical.

    i feel unsure if you were asking for feedback from me or just expressing

    i get confused if someone addresses me at the top of the post and then goes on to write something more.

    i feel personally addressed to the entire post as there is no delineation. this is what happened yesterday with DE.

    i don’t want to give feedback if no one is directly, personally, asking me for it.



  384.  #384Camille on August 3, 2011 at 3:58 pm

    RE: Teresa #375
    eewwww! Your live-in borrowing “your” car to drive and see the “other” woman really triggered me! I read that and felt angry angry and wanted to tell you oh HAIL NO! that really triggered some things from my past. I am not for sure as I am a fledgling Siren but (anyone jump in here!) is that not overfunctioning or over doing? I have done similiar things in the past and then regretted it and felt resentful and used……..Teresa not saying you should feel those things just expressing how that statement triggered me personally Hugs to all



  385.  #385Mel on August 3, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    I’m feeling worried and sad. Like maybe I CAN’T do this. I sign the lease tomorrow and it feels so final and sad and lonely thinking of living there by myself.

    My birthday’s next month and I don’t want to spend it alone. What will I do for holidays? Thanksgiving? Christmas?

    I’m feeling sad that my life didn’t turn out the way I expected. And I feel a bit stalled here in a place I don’t really want to be.

    I’m feeling sorry for myself. 🙁



  386.  #386Teresa on August 3, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    #382 Alias Girl

    Yeah just expressing myself and the first “being nice” example that came to mind, although others are much less extreme.

    Wasn’t asking for advice directly but on the other hand ALL of my posts are open to any observations or constructiveness that anyone wants to offer. That’s why I am posting here. I am growing and I do that via everything I come in contact with.

    #383 Camille:

    Yeah I thought the same thing at first but then decided why do I give a f***? I don’t. Why waste energy caring. When he’s not here that’s my opportunity to do other things. If he wants to be around he can be around. Right this minute I don’t feel like exerting that much of my energy.

    But it definitely has an effect, don’t get me wrong. It definitely causes further disinterest on my part.



  387.  #387alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    #382 teresa thank you for the clarification.



  388.  #388alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    “i don’t want anyone to feel bad but i feel weird when strangers make sexual or sexy comments to me before getting to know me.”

    i just wrote this to a guy on POF. i feel really good about this because it took many different practice opportunities with different men to finally get the wording i like.

    some women like to be approached this way. i do Not. and many men do this and i shut down and feel turned off to them. but now after expressing this i can remain open. yae!!!



  389.  #389ice Princess on August 3, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    He is at the baseball game in a suite! If only I wasn’t sitting at home alone then I wouldn’t care!



  390.  #390Corin on August 3, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Mel,

    You’re so brave! Have you ever lived alone before? I’ve lived on my own since the breakup from most significant ex and honestly it’s been such an amazing, growing experience. Yes there are moments of loneliness, sadness but I feel so much stronger as a person. Is there anything you can feel excited about? I remember looking on line for things to put into my home. Even tiny, cheap things would really help me to feel happier at the time. You can have the space exactly how you want it, no compromising whatsoever with another personson’s opinon!

    xxxxx



  391.  #391Emerson on August 3, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    Hello Sirens!
    I don’t know how it would feel to have a marriage crumble after 35 years. How devastating. Yuck! I feel sad thinking about it.



  392.  #392Emerson on August 3, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    132: alias girl says:
    i can’t remember ever hearing a man saying the words “i’m confused.”

    Alias girl, I have heard a guy say those words. He said he never wanted to be married to his wife, so I asked him why he went through with the wedding and said I DO…etc..and he said he “went along with it because he was confused…”

    eeek….



  393.  #393Emerson on August 3, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    alias girl says:
    “i don’t want anyone to feel bad but i feel weird when strangers make sexual or sexy comments to me before getting to know me.”

    I like this wording. I may steal this from you alias girl. 🙂



  394.  #394DE on August 3, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Brenda #322:

    Gosh, I love it when u let u “hair down”…

    Do it again, do it again!!!!

    I felt humored by it tremendously; thank u for the laughter!!!!

    Warm hugs,



  395.  #395Emerson on August 3, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    I noticed last week when I was with recycledCD and I started feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, I just went totally quiet like I almost completely shut down. It was like I froze and I didnt’ want to do that, but I finally did get a feeling message out and his response felt a bit insensitive.

    I felt disconnected from him and wish I would have verbalized that.



  396.  #396alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 4:50 pm

    #391 emerson. i feel curious. was this man, in your opinion, mostly in his feminine energy or masculine when relating to women?

    #392 yayah! i was excited to finally come up with it and i felt happy to share it here.



  397.  #397LobbyStar on August 3, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    I met this guy on the dating site who bears an uncanny resemblance to S (my ex, who broke up with me, after which I ended up buying one of Rori’s programs and visiting this blog every day). I showed a pic of him to some friends, without mentioning the resemblance, and they all commented on it, so I know it’s not my imagination.

    We are conversing through the site, a message or two per day. He is not triggering me to use FMs at all with his words, being very respectful and even-keel.

    I don’t get the vibe that he’s really interested, but I suspect that may be NVs talking. After all, he’s still writing to me. But those NVs are being triggered not by anything he’s said (or not said), but rather by his S-ness. “S dumped me, so this doppelganger will too.”

    Go away, NVs. Nothing good can come from listening to you.



  398.  #398Mel on August 3, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    Corin: Re 389

    No, actually I’ve never lived on my own. This is perhaps why I feel so emotional. I got married young at 21 and right out of university. I went straight from living at home to living with my husband. I’ve always been very independent and responsible, but I’ve never lived alone. For two summers during university I did some international exchanges. But even then, I wasn’t really “alone” because in one I was a camp counselor and the other time I lived in a dorm with a roommate. So now I’m almost 32 and will be living by myself for the first time. It feels a little scary and overwhelming. Especially since I do not have any family (or too many friends) close by.



  399.  #399alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    i feel complex ..a little.. sexually. i like when the guy is super respectful and not assuming i am a sexual “go” with him until i have decided. and this happens every single time we meet up. i can’t help it. that’s how i am wired.

    so especially with guys i haven’t even met yet. i don’t like when they say “you’re so sexy”. i feel like my boundaries are being crossed.

    but then once it is a “go” sexually with a man, i like him to be the aggressor and would love to hear how sexy i am.

    aw. no wonder men don’t know which way is up with me sometimes.

    although i just had a conversation with the man i last had sex with. i told him i like sex to be dirty. if it’s all lovey dovey then it doesn’t really do it for me.

    i mean obviously i want to undercurrent to be love but i like a little edge to it.

    lol. i feel weird sharing that. i feel a little inhibited when talking about sex.

    i feel curious how a long term committed sexual relationship would feel. i kind of have a feeling it would be pretty fun. i feel kind o eagerly anticipating just writing it.

    i feel weird again.



  400.  #400Teresa on August 3, 2011 at 5:18 pm

    #394 Emerson

    I noticed last week when I was with recycledCD and I started feeling uncomfortable with the conversation, I just went totally quiet like I almost completely shut down. It was like I froze and I didnt’ want to do that, but I finally did get a feeling message out and his response felt a bit insensitive. >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    I think I do this also. feel bad, freeze up, close down.



  401.  #401Ella on August 3, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Ello Lovely Sirens,

    I feel really excited.

    I have been working away on my website tonight and Tinque has written a piece on sex which I have now published.

    You can view it here:

    http://www.redsirens.co.uk/sex-and-sexual-health.html

    Also, I have added some yummy and healthy/low fat recipes under the nutrition section.

    I can especially recommend ‘Julie’s Spring Chicken’ for a healthy summer meal and the muffins for a treat, but then of course I am biased!

    🙂



  402.  #402alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    i was just talking on the phone for the first time with a new POF guy. and i felt bad i had to ask him who he was because i don’t even keep track anymore.

    so my current profile i am looking for Short Term, Casual, Dating.

    and so immediately i feel like i am being interviewed to see if i qualify for the girlfriend trap.

    and i am answering all his questions honestly because

    i like who i am
    and i am not going to be ashamed of my truth

    and he asked about friends and i told him i don’t have any friends.

    and i could feel his vibe shift. and i could feel and hear all these subtle judgy blah blahs. and so then he got back on the interview track about “so does this mean you are just looking for short term casual?”

    YES! YES IT DOES! EXACTLY HOW I STATED IN MY PROFILE. wtf.

    anyway i kept using feeling messages and he said

    “it seems like You are just looking for the negative”

    ?? me? i am? dude.

    i am expressing how i feel in this conversation. and then he basically said blah blah not on same wavelength nice talking to you. click.

    i feel a little amused that he couldn’t even wait for a proper ending to the phone call because he was so triggered (by his own self and behavior- same what happened to thirdtrycd)

    because i don’t eat people’s sh*t anymore and they are left with their own stuff.

    anyway. i feel amused because i feel like he’ll probably be back. !!!!!! that feels kind of neat to me.

    and i said to myself after he hung up “dude, there are like a thousand guys in line behind you. whatever.”



  403.  #403kaitlyn on August 3, 2011 at 5:51 pm

    Getting on a plane to get the heck out of l.a. for a month. I just decided this 2 days ago. My friend is subletting his apt and I lined up some work there. Boarding now.



  404.  #404Lilybelle on August 3, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    384:

    No Mel!

    You CAN do this and I have no doubt about this at ALL! Come one girl…think about how cute you can make your new home…how much fun it will be to decorate it the way you want, how much fun it will be to find little treasures to place in it that define YOU.

    You no longer have to think about two different styles, you can really define your own! You will be busy, doing you own thing, having get togethers with friends and not have to answer to anyone..

    You CAN do this and it will be fun. It’s an adventure.



  405.  #405DE on August 3, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Kaitlyn #402:

    Sending u beautiful, wonderful thoughts! Hope u find kindness and love for yourself…just as I feel for u…

    warm hugs,



  406.  #406alias girl on August 3, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    funny. what i had feared often– pre rori –is if i expressed myself authentically people would get angry and turn it around on me. (family of origin trauma)

    and now that it happens it’s not so bad. because i have built up my self esteem and practiced in baby steps. sometimes my reaction is like “oh, hmm.”
    sometimes i still get triggered but i am making such awesome improvement and feeling so good about myself…

    i feel irresistable as my authentic self.



  407.  #407DE on August 3, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Ella #400:

    Congratulations Dahlings to both of u 🙂 What a beautiful inspiration 🙂

    warm hugs,



  408.  #408Lilybelle on August 3, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    384:

    And Mel, it is just simply ONE day at a time, one step forward followed by the other. You don’t have to take a look at the whole picture…just one day at a time.

    My birthday is next month also and I am busy thinking about what I want to do. Most likely, I will find huge enjoyment, having adult beverages and CDing the ENTIRE place.

    I so believe in your strength. Join me in this.

    xoxox



  409.  #409Lilybelle on August 3, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    402:

    Kaitlyn~

    So happy to see you. Sending you lots of well wishes and happy thoughts for your adventure!

    I feel excited for you!



  410.  #410Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    RE 345 Teresa I was just cutting and pasting some FM examples from some Rori enewsletters and yes they do have a context.



  411.  #411Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Aspiringsiren that is one of the tough questions you ask yourself when you are with a man who you feel bad with or when you are in an unsatisfying relationship. It helps you clarify for yourself whether you want to stay or not.



  412.  #412Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    Does anyon else get a survey when they log on?



  413.  #413Emoticon on August 3, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    what do u sirens think about cursin my ex out… he jus pissed me the f*ck off



  414.  #414Lilybelle on August 3, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    I did it! I went, I listened really, really well..and he talked a LOT! I would see him again for practice as there wasn’t really a chance to use FM’s on him…he talked so much.

    BUT, he dropped VIP Box seating to a Pro Golf tournament on me for Saturday… Two passes and parking. I have never been to a live tournament and while it isn’t the “now” guys, it is some of the classic, GREAT golfers.

    Box seating on the 18th hole. WOW. I was so appreciative and girly when I accepted this… I didn’t say no, I accepted with grace.

    Now, I need to get someone to go with me. That shouldn’t be hard. Oh, and I don’t golf but love the heck out of watching a good tournament. And, no camera’s, dang it!!!



  415.  #415Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Curse him out and you convince him he was right in making you an ex. Hold on to your dignity it is the most attractive quality.



  416.  #416DE on August 3, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Emoticon:

    I agree with FW on # 414…

    use it as a great opportunity to riff and use feeling messages instead…

    warm hugs,



  417.  #417Emoticon on August 3, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    I dont even want him or any man of his type to see me as attractive to be honest. But i see what you mean. I’ll calm myself down and ignore his stupid self. I jus feel sooooo angry right now!!



  418.  #418DE on August 3, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    Lilybelle #413:

    Hell Ya….biatcha!!!! U worth it!!!

    warm hugs,



  419.  #419Emoticon on August 3, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Thanx FW and DE but i think i’ll choose to stay silent on this one. It’s okay to just say nothing right now. I’ve told him I’m angry and right now i just do not want to be having any type of conversation with him



  420.  #420DE on August 3, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Emoticon:

    It’s absolutely OK to be angry…upset…go behind the anger…what do u feel? afraid? disrespected? unheard? unworthy?

    how do these feelings feel in u body?

    explore them…this is awesome!!!!

    warm hugs,



  421.  #421Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Emoticon the important thing is that you see yourself as attractive. You don’t have to express your anger to him, it might release too much stress hormones in your body that could make you sick. Your anger can be expressed here.



  422.  #422Mel on August 3, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Thanks Lil! How was your fisherman CD?



  423.  #423Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    Read this today

    “Negative attention is still attention. It lets a man know he still has a hold on you”.



  424.  #424Emoticon on August 3, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    … I feel unheard and disrespected….. i feel taken for granted…. i feel light headed. I do feel scared. I feel scared that i don’t know what is going on and what I’m gonna do now that everything has come to pass.

    I know i keep telling myself that no matter what happens i will be ok… and as attractive as I am I feel like I still need him … sadly, for the sake of my image.

    I feel ignored, unimportant. I feel degraded, like all I have is sex. Like i have nothing else to offer. >:( and that feels horrible like a strange pain in my chest that won’t go away. I keep replaying his words in my head and that pain just gets stronger and i feel tears welling up. And since I feel so scared to let myself cry i jus feel like cursing him out. :'(



  425.  #425Lilybelle on August 3, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    421:

    Mel~ See 413….

    I can feel your energy….



  426.  #426Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Emoticon I would encourage you to find the courage to cry.



  427.  #427ice Princess on August 3, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    An old FWB ( from over 5 years ago) contacted me on Facebook and told me that he missed our passion. I feel so energized hearing that.



  428.  #428DE on August 3, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Emoticon:

    Yes, yes, yes…now, go to the next level…how does it feel in u body????

    this is sooo important…

    i feel sooo proud of u for working through it…and yes, less those tears out if u feel them…

    warm hugs,



  429.  #429Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    Read this on another thread today:-

    He must feel you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him. Only then will he perceive you as an equal partner.

    Act like a prize and turn him into a believer.

    A man takes a woman for granted when he will he’s interested, but will no longer go out of his way.



  430.  #430Ella on August 3, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Alias Girl,

    Re 401,

    Only have only really caught a few of your posts recently and I know you are trying some new stuff.

    I do feel curious and some of your posts have left me feeling like ‘eh?’ kinda confused…

    Like ‘is this Rori stuff? Or something else?’

    These are the questions in my head that catching bits of your posts have triggered.

    I wondered about he bit in your profile about short term, casual, dating… are you not looking for a husband etc?

    Also I felt curious about the statement that you don’t have any friends. I would love to understand this as for me as a Siren/woman/person my friends are important and help me feel loved and supported.

    xoxox



  431.  #431Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Ice Princess opportunity to practice FM and some confidence. “I know you miss it because I am a goddess who knows how to enjoy herself. You won’t find that anywhere else”. fan fan myself whew I’m so hot.



  432.  #432Senior Lady Vibe on August 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    @389: Corin says:
    “…You can have the space exactly how you want it, no compromising whatsoever with another personson’s opinon!…”

    Yay! What can we do? Anything we want, isn’t it wonderful!!! But having a guy to share would be nice too… I think… sometimes I’m not too sure. I’ve been trying to practice to get the feel of having a guy around the house all the time. I’m not too sure how well I’ve done with this.

    I have an “invisible sweetie” (don’t ask… LOL 😆 ) to remind me how it would be to have a man around, to make space for him and to anticipate what we could be doing. I think I might be a failure at that because I kind of forget about “him” most of the time… Practice, practice…

    xoxo



  433.  #433Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Er whenever I think about the law of attraction in relation to stuff happening in my life my brain immediately jumps to all the stuff I don’t want to happen… a bit like when I say ‘don’t think of a banana’

    And then I feel panic in my stomach and can’t seem to turn my thoughts to what I do want.

    And that exascerbates the panic because I think ‘help, I am attracting all this bad stuff with my powerful mind! Ahh!’

    Ideas anyone?



  434.  #434Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    RE 432

    Maybe it is a bit like why Rori is not a huge fan of affirmations, and instead suggests set intentions?

    I don’t know would love some help on this because I do believe in the LOA.



  435.  #435ice Princess on August 3, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    FW,
    While it felt good to hear, I can’t bring him back into my life because he is now married. Now if only I can attract available, normal guys.



  436.  #436Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Just because he is married doesn’t mean he is not attracted. He might be coming back to help reinforce your belief that you are a magnet that can attract men.



  437.  #437Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Hmmm a guy on POF just said to me in an e-mail ‘You don’t look in bad nick for 30’

    Err, ok! Er thanks? I guess.

    Hmmm.

    He is 39!



  438.  #438Emoticon on August 3, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    I jus feel like my heart wants to explode or it wants to at least come out for a little air…. it jus feels heavy and my whole body feels heavy actually… especially my heart and my stomach. I feel slightly light headed tho and i feel my eyes burning…. like the next big exhale is gonna get the tears flowing 🙁 ugh… 🙁



  439.  #439Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    “Now if only I can attract available, normal guys.”

    Lol – I hear ya IP!

    xoxox



  440.  #440Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Emoticon re 437

    Wow! Great riffing and feeling work.

    Well done.

    xoxox



  441.  #441Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Ella I feel curious why he would say that. I wonder if it is because he feels that he looks bad for his age?



  442.  #442DE on August 3, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Ella:

    I noticed from many of u posts…when u appear to be riffing…to actually switch quickly from a “bad feeling” to a good feeling by using words of affirmation…

    That is very dangerous to me…u have to feel the vibration and intensity of the words u choose…or otherwise would backfire…

    I suggest begin with gratitude when we feel sad/lonely;…only after we acknowledge these feelings (sad, mad, lonely, etc) can we show gratitude…and only after gratitude…possibly using words of affirmation if u can imagine and feel what u are saying…

    does it make sense?

    warm hugs,



  443.  #443Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Daria re 373

    Love it!

    Thank you. xx



  444.  #444Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    DE re 441,

    No sorry I feel confused.

    🙁

    xoxox



  445.  #445Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    DE I so resonate with what you are saying about gratitude. Even though sometimes I get negative thoughts and feelings I still feel grateful that I am alive and experiencing myself as a human being and at the same time learning to create life the way I want it.



  446.  #446Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    FW,

    No, he looked ok.

    There was only 1 pic of him.

    xoxox



  447.  #447Plum on August 3, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    402: kaitlyn

    Ha ha Kaitlyn! I swear I was lying in bed and thinking of you, wondering how things were going for you. Then I got out of bed and came here to leave you a message and found yours 🙂

    In a plane, that’s life! Have a great month 🙂

    xxx



  448.  #448DE on August 3, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    FW #444:

    Exactly…and only from this place we can create positive affirmations…

    when we bypass the gratitude stage…u are faking it…because we are asking for abundance from a place of scarcity and not wealth (being happy/appreciative of what u have)…We can only attract abundance from a place of feeling “abundant”…that’s the vibrational frequency we want…

    Ella, this is my answer to u…as to why u are tempted to have negative thougths when u try to apply the LOA…

    thank u FW…

    warm hugs,

    Now, does it make sense?



  449.  #449Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    Ella that doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel bad about himself deep inside. Remember most of the times it is not about you. I feel compassion for people as I assume they are talking about themselves.



  450.  #450Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    I keep reading the beginning of Mille’s letter above and find myself disagreeing with her in my mind. How could she say she was happily married for 35 years and on decision on his part destroyed everything? I find myself saying “her intuition must have been speaking to. I wonder if she was ignoring it?”



  451.  #451DE on August 3, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    I feel fabulous…i feel rich…i feel Goddessy…i feel Queen…yes, darn it…I sooooo feel it tonite!!!



  452.  #452Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    DE I think I understand what you mean

    My question about LOA I guess was a fairly light hearted one… and yet it has been on my mind.

    I see what you mean about it has to come from a place of abundance.

    And I do practice gratitude A LOT.

    The negative thoughts don’t terrify me I just wish I could switch them off sometimes, not stuff, just choose positive thoughts instead of my mind always jumping to scarcity thoughts.

    I can see the sense in practicing gratitude when this come up.

    When I riff I do sometimes flip my bad thoughts/feelings and bring them round to positive.

    It doesn’t feel dangerous to me.

    Because I am acknowledging the bad feelings, and feeling them and letting them be.

    And then sometimes something just shifts, and there is enough of a space for a positive thought.

    And then sometimes this just morphes the feeling, and it lifts and changes to something lighter, or more positive.

    Somtimes it morphes back again too.

    I like to flip it when I know my negative feelings are caused by negative thought loops and I can interupt these.

    It doesn’t feel fake to me.

    Sometimes fake it till I make it in terms of thoughts, but always aiming for authenticity with my feelings.

    I feel a little bit triggered by the words about ‘you are faking it’

    And its ok.

    I definitely want to improve my vibrational level.



  453.  #453Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    DE

    Forgot the kisses

    xoxox 🙂



  454.  #454ice Princess on August 3, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    “Red flag guy” just texted me “what’s a man have to do to get to know you? It’s almost as if you’re too shyer just don’t know what to say. You told me your trip was good then that was it.”.

    I don’t really want anything to do with him but part of me wants to put him in his place. What do you all think?



  455.  #455Femininewoman on August 3, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    DE My dance teacher said something tonite that I have read from a coach. She said touch yourself as you dance, love yourself, feel your goddess energy. All the while she was touching her face, her hair, crossed her hands over her chest saying “love yourself’, touching her hips “yeah feel sexy”. She said it is something that dancers do. I felt any energy shift when I did it looking at myself in the mirror tonite in the dance studio.



  456.  #456Ella on August 3, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    IP you could hit him with a FM…

    that usually shuts up the complainy ones… makes them have to stop and think for a second.

    What do you think?

    xoxox