Allana Pratt Interviews Me

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intimacyYou know I love Allana Pratt – I’ve known her for a very long time (she was one of my first Monthly Interviews With Relationship Experts, and I’ve watched her become one of the most popular and amazing coaches, relationship writers, and intimacy experts in the entire world…Allana’s the Intimacy & Relationship Expert who coached Leeza through Dancing with the Stars, who’s interviewed Whoopi Goldberg, who’s known as the Sexy Mom…

I have a general “no interview policy” just because I couldn’t possibly handle all the requests from other relationship experts – and I made an exception for her.

So, if you’d like to hear it, and some of Allana’s great “Intimate Conversations” with other relationship experts – take a look here – OH – Be SURE to sign up for her mailing list if you haven’t already – her newsletters are among my very favorites – I ALWAYS read them the instant I see them in my inbox…!

She’ll be interviewing me on March 29th, 2012 at 4pm Pacific for her upcoming “Intimate Conversations” call series.

You can register for free here:

Her series has amazing folks from all walks of life – many of whom you know, have heard of, and would be extremely interested in – and they’ll be “Getting Intimate” with Allana, too.

I love Allana as a person, as a mother, as a woman – I love the way she coaches and I just love the way she runs her life.

I especially love the completely open book she is – how transparent she is in her letters, how, as a coach, she doesn’t try to create a “persona” of being an “expert” who’s “beyond” anyone else – she really lets it all out.  You’ll be able to identify with her, because she’s totally heartfelt and lets herself be seen.

On top of that, she’s funny.

I always feel better after connecting with Allana.

You can sign up now for the entire “Intimate Conversations” call series for free…and once you do, you’ll have access to the Free download of my call and  ALL Allana’s Intimate Conversation shows dating back to May 2011.

My interview goes live today, March 29th, 2012 at 4pm PST, and you can get access to it anytime after that, too…

(This is not any kind of affiliate link – just wanted you to know. You’ve probably noticed I don’t do any affiliate marketing anywhere in my business or on the blog…I just love Allana…)

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I think I’m already on the list. Lots to think about.

  2.  #2Zara on March 29, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Eating prickly pear marmalade today 😉

  3.  #3lk on March 29, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    just looking at pictures of allana is inspiring : )

  4.  #4Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    46: Senior Lady Vibe says:
    @35: Spiral

    Hi, my name is SLV and I’m self-centered.
    Thursday, 29 March 2012 @ 1:50pm


  5.  #5Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    @2: Zara

    No jam for me today but I had a coffee with heavy cream…

  6.  #6Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    So CF and I “made up,” and his first action following the makeup was to CANCEL our plans for tonight. He didn’t even say sorry.


    moving along now… nothing to see here…

  7.  #7Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    I suspect this dude thinks I’m giving him the “glad eye” eye gaze because now he’s grinning at me. Oops

    I was actually just looking away from computer while something downloaded. i guess I usually have a big ole smile on my face or silently giggling about something.

    Maybe this looks odd. Like the lady village idiot. Or something. Last week another guy got “the eye” but I was really trying to look stern because his cell phone conversation was very loud and… personal… oops.

    He left after the security guard walked past; I think someone complained… BUT he came back, and sought me out and struck up a long conversation. BUt I was NOT eye-gazing him. Eye gazing must have some kind of magic power. He was a 25 year old actor… there are a lot of them in this area… Kind of cute couldn’t wait to show me his SAG card and insisting I try out his new ipad…

    So many men, so wrong for me… Oh, well… I take my “CDs” as they fall across my path. Just for fun…


  8.  #8lk on March 29, 2012 at 2:04 pm


    LOL. that shxt is too much. poor man… he must be craving his man-cave. i bet his eyes are all swollen from crying last night & today…. : (((( poor boy (((cf))) lol though men crxck me up ahaha my bad puns do too : )

  9.  #9lk on March 29, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    seriously, starla. i bet he cried. & i’m telling you…. chemically, tears are an entirely different affair for men than for women. i feel great after i cry. i notice (& i’ve read a few articles about this as well) that after my Men cry (what can i say…lol…it’s pain to date me o_0 )… they are Destroyed. like, for about 36 hours they WILL NOT go into their emotions again. it’s like a “no-touch” healing zone or something…. & so if my man cries, i don’t expect very much affection or super-deepness for about 2 days. it helps me a ton & makes me feel less blame-y towards myself (for “making” them cry….)… poor men lol

  10.  #10Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    lk, seriously, he didn’t even say “i know this is what we JUST got done resolving, and it’s not supposed to go like this, but i can’t come down, i’m really sorry.”

    instead it was like “i’m so glad we made up and this won’t be a problem anymore. also, i don’t think i will be coming down tonight. i don’t have gas and blah blah”

    yesterday he was going on and on about how he had big hugs waiting for me, if i could just wait one day. and when i said last night maybe i didn’t want to hang out, he was like nooooo i want to see you!

    i don’t like him right now:( i don’t even want to think about him, because i had a rough night and really tried to turn everything around with him, and i’m exhausted today and am just done.

  11.  #11Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    lk, he cries all the time. we were crying on the phone together.

    he didn’t even have any remorse. it is like the biggest mixed signal i’ve ever experienced in my life.

  12.  #12lk on March 29, 2012 at 2:16 pm


  13.  #13Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    starla got herself a burrito and limeaid and takes nice care of herself:) but she wants someone else to want to take care of her too:(

    or at least keep their word:(

  14.  #14Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    thanks for the e-hugs, lk!

  15.  #15Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    for the record, i responded with feeling messages and asked what he thinks we can do.

    i’m not completely shut down, but he better make it good, lol!

    like coming down saturday AND sunday

    or saying “hey you are so right, i typed that up too fast and should have let you know how sorry i was, what can i do to make it up to you?”

    and i don’t want to jinx it, but i doubt he will… 🙁

  16.  #16Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    and i think i might actually have a beer tonight, for once in my life, because the safer alternative is not available to me by easy or legal means and i think that’s what god made beer for, lol

  17.  #17lk on March 29, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    gah, starla… i say, forget him for 2 days. he’s “broken” right now & who knows if he remembers how to “fix” himself…. he’s the only one who’s ever read that manual, you know ? …. ummmmm…. yeah. i’m sure you’ve been broken. maybe you can forgive him for being broken, say a prayer that he remembers to fix himself, & then move right along to making sure YOU don’t “break”… though…. if you’re having a breakdown, you’re about 72 hours from a breakthrough, they say : ))) love you

  18.  #18Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    love you too, lk, i love your voice, even if what i really want is someone to say “that is not fair to you starla! you deserve better!”

    maybe it’s cuz you’re so dang pretty i just can’t take issue with what you saying to me hehehehehe <3

  19.  #19Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    hey lk, when you say forget him for two days, do you mean ignore?…or what does it look like to forget him, i mean…

  20.  #20Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    A male dating coach says:

    “…If there have been no phone calls or dates where he takes you out and spends quality time (and money) on you, guess what?
    You’re the booty call…”

  21.  #21lk on March 29, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    i mean “forget” like… if he came up to you or called you, you’d be all like, ” hello ? ooh you sound/look sexxxy…. ” lol, like all this “drama” never existed… & he’s just a dxmn cute Man who is just your flavor : ))) but if he didn’t call or see you, you wouldn’t know the “lack”

    i think it’s so flipping funny to hear myself called “pretty” lol though i do think i’m pretty & everyone else too. in fact, i Believe we are All the PrettiEST : ) ummmmm lol….. but it’s nice & funny to remember that I am totally chill to stop riding the “desiring to become pretty” roller coaster… LOL which i feel like American Capitalism hinges upon : )))

  22.  #22Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Ah yes, the Woman Tax. Thanks, Capitalism!

  23.  #23Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    i wonder if taking the advice in 21 makes me a doormat? i feel scared of that.

  24.  #24Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Hi lk! Hi Starla! Hi SLV!!! 🙂

  25.  #25Senior Lady Vibe on March 29, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    @24: Lizka

    Hiya! On my way home and will try to catch the Allana/Rori call…


  26.  #26Starla on March 29, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Yay Rori, thanks for sharing about this cool interview!

  27.  #27Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    The company I had an interview at yesterday called me this afternoon. They really liked me and they are running the criminal backcheck and professional references tomorrow and if everything goes well, I’ll start on April 16th…

    Well of course everything’s gonna go well. I’m not a criminal and the professional reference is a good friend of mine who was my boss at my last job…

    So, I already started to empty my desk at work. hahaha I have like 20 pairs of shoes under this desk, I took a few home tonight so on Monday if I have to quit, I won’t be stuck with all these shoes.


  28.  #28lk on March 29, 2012 at 3:01 pm


  29.  #29lk on March 29, 2012 at 3:07 pm


    you won’t be a doormat… if he doesn’t step up in ways that you like, you won’t feel interested to accept the offers that he makes to you… that doesn’t mean you can’t be warm & flattered by his advances. you have so many men pursuing you….. it would feel silly to try to punish a man for Not pursuing you – or at least not in a way that feels good

  30.  #30Starla on March 29, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    lk, it’s hard for me to wrap my head around that, cuz i feel like we’re an item in a way and if i go backwards he is going to notice if i don’t explain!

  31.  #31Memulo on March 29, 2012 at 3:10 pm


  32.  #32Starla on March 29, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    I wish Daria were here:)

  33.  #33lk on March 29, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    @starla…….hmmm….. if you feel him in your heart like he matches you – like you’re a set – then you definitely won’t be a doormat. you feel he messed up. when you mess up, i bet you want him to take you in his arms, like he would never consider dropping you for a “wrong move.” your boundaries are strong, even when you are soft

    i have this feeling too a lot. i don’t want to be a doormat. HOWEVER. the assumption absolutely has to be that he is a Good Man & he is Doing His Best (otherwise, you could decide you have a Toxic Man & drop him immediately) & then you have to decide if “His Best” makes you feel amazing & safe. BUT it’s hard to do “Best” if you feel “in trouble” already. so…. make it easy on him – give him a chance to prove you right – “drop your stance” etc. etc. & just love him & love yourself & love yourself & love him & love yourself

  34.  #34Starla on March 29, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    lk 33, you are a really really lovely person

    (no homo, etc.)

  35.  #35Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    D@mm the test that they are making me doing is a psychometric test and the questions are in english. There is words that I don’t understand. So I clic “french” and it’s the worst translation ever. I feel angry at them. lol

  36.  #36Memulo on March 29, 2012 at 3:45 pm


    SmartCD was texting me the whole day, asking when can he see me, then asked to give him the day, can it be tonight. I said ok. Then after my meeting I texted that it went well and I feel happy and open to be spoiled 😉 He asked what I want – spa, dinner, etc. Then asked where I was.. I said almost home. And 20 mins later someone is ringing my door and it’s him WITH THE LITTLE BOY!!! We never talked about me meeting the cutest most adorable (and very talkative for the 3 y.o. lol) person! They stayed for 15-20 mins, he apologized for coming unannounced, his cell died and ‘they were close by’!!
    He said the boy is going to Mommy’s house and then he will see me – very soon!

  37.  #37Starla on March 29, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    lk, he’s not responded to my email even though he said he would be riiiight back to respond. i’m getting more silent treatment, blah!

    round and round we goooooo

    i feel a little detached and amused. like eager to just forget all this mess and relax at home alone or out with a CD.

    btw, he said he’s not okay with me CDing. cute.

  38.  #38lk on March 29, 2012 at 3:46 pm


    what i would do….just complete the test & directly afterward send an email to them letting them know that you selected the French translated option & felt disappointed by the quality of the translation, but that you hope any confusion on the test will not reflect poorly on you. stay very neutral & non-blaming.

    you are a good girl & you are doing great !!!! : ))))

  39.  #39Starla on March 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Lizka, est-ce que c’est tu peux lire vivelafrance examen psycometrique baguette croque monsieur?

  40.  #40lk on March 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    (((Starla))) awww he wants you to be His : )))

  41.  #41Starla on March 29, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    lol i crack myself up

    i’m looooosing it

  42.  #42Jilly on March 29, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    lk #33 that felt beautiful and BRILLIANT to read!! wow 🙂


    SLV 🙂

    Lizka…yay…awesome!! 🙂

  43.  #43Jilly on March 29, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Memulo…that wow…that’s feel dreamy that he has been like that all day and brought the boy…what a turn around 🙂

  44.  #44Jilly on March 29, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    sometimes I type too fast ….lol

  45.  #45Daria on March 29, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Daria tools i used … sitting with my legs open

    channelig my fantasy image of my online friend who lives on a rez

    that steve pavlina heart thing… focsuing on my heart when i speak

    and opening it

  46.  #46lk on March 29, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    feeling a bit “mad” that cd’s ex is talking ish

    but i feel very Amped Up — to see how my man responds to someone who is directly “attacking” Our Relationship (*if* you Believe in “attacks” : ) lol)

  47.  #47Liz on March 29, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Congrats on your job interview Lizka!


    All I can say is I am leaning back. That’s all I can say.
    It feels very different, very strange and very empty.
    I don’t like it, it feels uncomfortable.

    And I went to get a slice of pizza today and the universe prompted me to and i ran into crush in the parking lot and he doesn’t seem to know what to do with me either. Leaning back is a much different energy. I feel lonely leaning back, so it is going to take some getting used to.

    But I feel it is allowing me to know myself better and trust in my own femininity bringing in the male attention instead of my putting all the energy out there to make it happen.

    And since i didn’t try to make anything happen when i saw him, i just said hi, i am having the urge to connect with him. But I won’t since Lizka started me on this challenge.

    And he texted me last night, but i was already asleep, so I just texted him a very short reply this am. I just mirrored. And didn’t ask any questions. And I could tell he was wondering what was up with me.
    Well, we will see what happens i guess.

  48.  #48Memulo on March 29, 2012 at 4:13 pm


    Thank you 😉 Yes I thought that it will be a long time till I get to meet the boy, if ever;) at least I thought that it may not help his situation to introduce the boy to me, etc.

    Yes, be surprised is soooo right for an advice!

  49.  #49LoveAlways on March 29, 2012 at 4:16 pm


    That is a cool article!

  50.  #50Memulo on March 29, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    I think I did something really stupid.

    🙁 ;( ;(

    I had a job interview today too. And I thought it went really well. And then the recruiter for the position called and I told her my positive feedback and then I said that I am in a hurry, that I have a timeline and it would be really helpful if they decide within like 2 weeks.

    Now I am thinking – what have I done??? before even hearing their feedback. My timeline is legit, but to put pressure on them like this was really stupid of me. Plus in my industry it takes 2-3 rounds of interviews 🙁 What was I thinking??? ;(

  51.  #51Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    I did the 1st test.

    Go with the second one. Is anyone here good with marketing concept??

  52.  #52LoveAlways on March 29, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    Trying to catch up on the blog again. Wow, there are like two new blogs going on at the same time!

    HUGS to everyone who reached out to me during my turmoil lately. I spoke to CD assertive to break things off and he is strongly resisting. I’m just going to lean back. Maybe I am emotional because I’m sick and stuck in the house, but I feel the need to lean back from him and CD assertive for a while – I just don’t know WHY I want to lean back. Need to explore this more . . .

    [from two prior threads ago]
    # 905 – Thank you, it feels good to know I’m not just imagining this as my feelings are all over the place. He says that I am misinterpreting his words and making things more complicated than they are. I’m just going to lean back. I’ve spoken my peace.

    # 690 – That feels so sweet that you and your guy have that kind of closeness. I just loved reading out it!

    # 689 – “or if you can learn to speak to him and hear him in new, more effective ways…” Thank you for sharing this! I have something to think about as I have not considered hearing him in a new way. Is this in Commitment Blueprint or Toxic Men?
    # 685 – yes, thank you for the feeling messages. I need to work on speaking in more feeling messages to take that next step from being in touch with my feelings after feeling where they are in my body.

  53.  #53LoveAlways on March 29, 2012 at 4:41 pm


  54.  #54LoveAlways on March 29, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    Congrats siren!!!!!!!

  55.  #55Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 5:16 pm


    I wouldn’t worry if I was you. I am a recruiter/headhunter myself and I know how managers works. If they like you and want you in their team, it’s not a small thing like that that’s gonna turn them off.

    It’s like dating, lol. If he’s the one, you can’t mess up!! 🙂

  56.  #56Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    it’s very quiet. Are sirens chatting on the other article?

  57.  #57Daria on March 29, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    i felt so sad reading that coment about the blog on the other thread

    i feel so unloved

    and now i feel limp and sadnessy

  58.  #58Daria on March 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    ‘thats how the world sees u. they will never see u.

  59.  #59Starla on March 29, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    lk, he wrote me and said i was right, that he was violating the one thing i just tried to make him understand, and then he said he’s just feeling broken right now.

    are you psychic?

    or maybe he reads the blog:P:P:P:P

    i’m starting to get suspicious of this. but actually i don’t think he has the patience to follow me around the internet. He doesn’t even log in to facebook ever. so maybe we have a psychic connection of sorts.

    anyway i appreciate your perspective (again!) and i will say a prayer for him and a prayer for me and have myself a lovely evening:)

  60.  #60Starla on March 29, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    he said he bottomed out emotionally last night worse than he has in years. and it made me feel really kinda hateful like “that is a disproportionate reaction to what happened and completely unfair!”

    and i feel mistrusting and like it’s a cheap ploy, like a trump card or something? awww i don’t want to feel this way:( i am a bad girl.

  61.  #61light heart on March 29, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    I felt understanding for the commenter. I can empathize with her frustration. It has to do with unmet expectations. It’s kind of like how we might feel about how a man is supposed to be doing a relationship. Her vision for the blog and how it is supposed to meet her needs isn’t what she sees happening. She wants the women that post to post in such a way so that it does meet her ideas of the kind of posts that should appear here. So I’m also feeling kinda amused right now, because you might as well try to herd cats! There isn’t any moderating, and I think the blog flows exceptionally well without it and encourages free expression. I like the variety, so I don’t have the same reaction she does, but neither do I feel attacked or sad or moved to fade it or change it or fix it (how she feels).

    light heart

  62.  #62Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Day 10 is over.

    I did not lean forward again even if I felt tempted this afternoon…

    I actually sent a funny picture about an inside joke to ModelCD. I swear there was no romantic intention in that and I had no expectation. It was totally friendly. He laughed, we chatted a little and later in the day, he sent me another funny picture. 🙂

    But this was not leaning forward I decided.

    I can continue to lean back. I know I can. I have to admit that it’s getting harder. Breathe Lizka, breathe.

    The weekend is coming and it might be even harder. But I think if I can go through a whole weekend and not contacting ATW, he’s gonna be really surprised.

    I have no expectation of him contacting me or wanting to see me this weekend. It hurts a little bit in my breast and throat when I think of him not contacting me… But I understand that it can take more time. Way more time. I have to be patient. This is the Challenge of my Life. I am learning about myself and growing in it. I have to be patient and I have to take care of myself.

    So I have made plans for my weekend. Tomorrow I’ll do my grocery shopping. Saturday I’ll run and do my cleaning and maybe go to hot yoga. And Sunday, I’ll run more and go to the spa. It’s true, I have to reserve the massage and spa. 🙂 So I’m pretty booked.

  63.  #63Starla on March 29, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Lizka, you are inspiring me, girl!

  64.  #64Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    My god Starla I feel surprised to read that. Lol. I don’t feel very inspired by myself right now. Feeling a little bit down. Just repeating myself that I can do it a little more.

    It’s like when running a long distance. When I run a half marathon (21,1K), when I get to 12 or 13K, I want to give up. And I feel bad, and I want to vomit, and I just want to go sleep in the green and fresh grass and stop running. But I tell myself, come on, just do one more KM. And than do another one and you’ll give up when you’re there. But than I get to 15K and I tell myself, one more, one more, you can do it. Etc. And at one point, I am at 19K and I feel so bad but I look forward and there is only 2K left and even if it’s incredibly painful, even if I tell myself I am never gonna do this again, and I am beating myself up for putting myself in such an extreme situation, I tell myself that I am almost there. That if I give up, I’m gonna feel regretful. I am almost there… And when I get to the finish line, I can finally sit in the fresh green grass and I feel proud and everyone including me admire me and I feel so peaceful.

    Right now, I am like at 8K. I am not feeling the pain yet, I’m just getting a little little bored. And I can see that I’m gonna suffer soon… So I keep repeating to myself that it’s gonna worth the pain.

  65.  #65T-Girl on March 29, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    I can’t get to the link of Rori’s interview 🙁

  66.  #66Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    By the way, I like our way to use Rori’s blog. Just saying 😉

  67.  #67Lizka on March 29, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    I’m off to bed. Tomorrow is Day 11.

    You can do it baby Lizka. I believe in you. Yes you might have a few crying on the floor episodes this weekend, but you can definitely stay at your leaning back position with ATW and other CD. Keep the focus Lizka!

    Turquoise and HW, hope your Challenges are going great.

    Good night to all the sirens.

    My heart feels a little sad right now. I’ll be ok. I’ll send love to me and fall asleep while smiling. After all, I have a wonderful shoes collection! 😉

  68.  #68GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    #4 SLV Love this… Hi, my name is Ginger & I`m learning to be self-centered 😉

  69.  #69GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    #7 SLV Hilarious, & more power to you… your fem energy lean back vibe has snagged a(nother) young`un?! lol “i take my cd`s wherever they fall” lol!

  70.  #70Daria on March 29, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    thank you Daria ((((Daria))))

    its ok to rest now

  71.  #71Daria on March 29, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    i am starting to feel ok with feeling sad!

    ive been noticing that it actually does go away

    so i can just feel it and be ok with taht

    even though boy does it feel SAD when i feel sad

    at the time

    im ok with it

    like i felt sad

    and then i felt it

    and then i got sleepy and nappie and i napped

    and im feeling ok

    when i first felt it iw as like oh no!

    that awful feleing agan

    and now im like ok

    and i noticed it over th weekend with parents too

    and it didint last

    wow this will feel powerful

    my heart can feel sad and then i know it will pass wow

  72.  #72GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    I want(ed) NSM to engage w me in a way of not always expecting me to meet him on his side of things, but to do what to me is normal relationship reaching out, personalizing, celebrating/commemorating us, like to squeeze my hand or something (like we used to) after time apart on heels of closeness etc… to meet each others little needs around daily life w gladness once in awhile etc, & to care what I`m feeling in a simply supportive way without always ignoring or challenging so much of the time… BUT he sees this as enabling. Lovingness that i see as normal, he sees as “enabling” a love-addiction or something unhealthy, though he`s backpedalled on that many times when he thought it would make him lose my attention. He truly is just geared to like his relationships to be very impersonal. I am NOT so geared. I know he is missing me tonight. I can feel it. I find this feels very satisfying & only a little though (poignantly) sad.

  73.  #73Starla on March 29, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    I noticed I’m feeling a little self conscious since reading Spiral’s post on the last thread. Actually I always felt self conscious but I stuff it and ignore it, this just boosted it…

  74.  #74Starla on March 29, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    where are ella and butterfly wings and silver tongued siren

  75.  #75GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    #8 & #9 Love your posts, your attidue, Sireny-ness *and* your bad puns LOL! xoxox

  76.  #76GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    #10 & #11 ((((Starla)))) This totally reminds me of NSM, crying together, acting like he wants to see me & then disengaging… the pattern is a bit different w him, but the feelings & basics are the same. Do you think maybe your not focused enough on your life & he feels some of the weight of being too primary? Like, just in a vibey way? Whatever it is, I wouldn`t try to figure it out… but let him go on & do your thing & give less attention energy to it all? It`s hard for me, and I hate doing that sometimes, but it heals, & usually helps the relationship.. I wonder what Rori would say. I experience that a lot of men just *need* to be able to be breezy & waltz in & out of connection w us. Imo it`s partly or entirely a need to not feel controlled that is *essential* for them, & esssential in their being able to love us. I dont like it either though & i guess it`s a matter of whether he`s doing what we like & if not we can kind of just drift away a bit ourselves & be like, aw, I dont have time for him so much. Maybe later, if Im in the mood. It works. I know it`s “playing aloof” (Celestine Prophecy Control Drama) but it really seems to work if engaged with warmth & no judgment. What do you think? Am I repeating stuff you`ve already been down the path of?

  77.  #77GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    #73 ? Starla, it makes me feel triggered that you`re feeling that from Spiral`s post. I don`t want Sirens to feel blocked here! I feel a trigger that wants to express & clear itself by wanting you to post extra personal stuff just so you don`t wind up feeling blocked! That`s my story. But regardless, I trust you are using it to heal your own feelings that came up around it. I`m really feeling for you tonight in this disengaging energy you, and it feels so close to home for me, it feels really intense in a way to read. which is good but I`m deflecting onto you my own pain, like in caring about you I`m escaping a little and also caring about me too baby steps.

  78.  #78GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    I *love* my Beloved Ex. It doesn`t matter if i lean forward with him. He still experiences me as leaned back for the most part, & is so very masc w balanced fem energy that he likes my opinions & so forth. I can call him or text him, & it just feels good to him. He needs so much connection yet can deal w being alone after all he`s been through that even if I texted him 100 times, he`d just call & say, “Baaabe, are you alright?! What can I do?” We almost got married. Too many differences & other factors. But we love each other thoroughly & unconditionally.

  79.  #79GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Where`s everybody?

  80.  #80Starla on March 29, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Hi Miss GingerSky:) I’m going to bed soon but I feel happy to see your posts:) lk said something that feels really similar to what you said, though you both said it differently.

    i was feeling mopey, mostly out of exhaustion from being up all last night and somewhat from caffeine withdrawl and hormones, but then i said to myself “i feel too wonky to even brush my teeth and wash my face.” And then I just started LOLing at myself cuz it sounds just silly and also laughing at Conan Obrien whom I rediscovered tonight on TV and who has somehow been nonstop hilarious since I was 14 years old:). and I got up and ate a couple bites of the frozen kefir i bought myself for dessert that i hadn’t gotten to, and i brushed my teeth and washed my face and put on my creams and before i knew it I was feeling lovely:). I just want to wrap myself up with mucho love:)

    How are you feeling tonight, GingerSky?

  81.  #81GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    I like my posts to Spiral on the other thread… am technologically challenged to cut&paste them here… i want people to read them. I`m wondering if everyone`s listening to Rori`s interview right now. ((((sirens))))

  82.  #82GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Starla, I was typing a reply to you when Beloved Ex called & it knocked my reply offline & deleted it! It was almost done & was eloquently quirkily honest & it felt good to read/write. Poo. Well, short answer is I`m feeling mopey & that`s a good word. I feel that a lot since being with NSM. I feel mopey & angry & sad & embarassed (about some foolish things I neglected to do concerning him & this community, and bc he has gone into some new lala land of emailing 10 preople at a time about our relationship & its ending etc, with gushing wordplays about his new adored woman friend, the one I wrote about last year who I was afraid he`d have an affair with. Theyre just friend soulmates but it was all very disgusting to me & I dont like this lets-be-clever-&-artsy all over the place w our gushingness etc… so I feel disgusted too. ALso peaceful & like I`m gonna make it thru this once & for all, & scared about all the many traits I need to occur in one man for me to vibe with him. I want to find MY tribe. I hope you dont feel sorry you asked me how I feel since you got this long mopey answer lol! Overall i feel resigned & peaceful & strong inside in lotsa ways. Trusting. It feels *very* good to read that you felt better from doing those things, I like that. And Im gonna now do the same after talking to BE again:)

  83.  #83Starla on March 29, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    i’m totally glad i asked:) goodnight!!

  84.  #84Brenda on March 29, 2012 at 9:40 pm


    Seventy three…When someone tries to stifle my hard won childishness, I make a point to bee extra childish, or extra “selfish”, just to keep from being controlleded.

    Free hugs! Free hugs! Come one, come all! Spiral, free hugs for you, too!

    Like Daria told me, which was VERY healing, and she said it in more than one post:







  85.  #85GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Omg, Brenda, LOL, I was *just* this moment having an imaginary conversation w NSM bc he wanted a hug from me yesterday after our group meeting w everyone watching… his latest cad action was to assess charges to me for using his fridge/kitchen $2, $5 for a ride anywhere of any length (I hardly ever get rides from him & any I do get are a few blocks to 3 miles & he runs biodeisel etc) and he`d said “no more free rides!” and so on. He`s being a curmudgeonly & grumpy ass bc of my not engaging in relations w him & for several other pieces of irritation for his demanding/dominating tantrum-laden perfectionism. This has all felt BEYOND BIZARRE for me as you can imagine!! So in my imaginary conversation I told him that I`d be glad to give him a hug, but it would cost him $5 & no more free hugs! Then I felt the need to log on once more before sleep & saw your Free hugs! Free hugs! That felt weird & synchronicity & HILARIOUS!!! LOLOLOL!!!

  86.  #86GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Yay for Brenda`s little girl! Top of the world! 😉

  87.  #87GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    #83 ((((((((Starla)))))))) /tears & smiles/

  88.  #88GingerSky on March 29, 2012 at 11:16 pm

    Brenda, I remember during my childhood (which had abuse/fear/control/confusion/boredom all thru it most all the time) I`d intentionally try & hold onto what I now know to be my inner child & what at the time I could only know to refer to as “being spontaneous”, which even for this early reader was a big word in a way back then. I`d imitate other kids, esp those from New York etc or on TV, like on Zoom & Electric Company… omg. Oh my. I just walked headlong into a deep lagoon of realizing some *huge* reasons I mysteriously often fall for guys from that culture, esp NSM & an ex he reminds me of… and others. Omg. It`s that New York piece, it felt like freedom & safety, love & spaciousness. This is really deep & multi-faceted for me… this is huge & has many roots & branches. That vibe felt like the *only* thing that could keep me from danger, endless dry cramped days, stunted growth & deadly seriousness. Bfrenda (I`ll leave that typo bc it fits 😉 ), I meant to simply share how I relate to what you`re saying & say “hard won” indeed, but I`ve stumbled onto this piece, this revelation. No wonder I had such a hit to get back out of bed & to log on once more here. Aw, I love me! Sweet little girl that I am, in all her strength, has been reaching out to get whole & stay safe – in the only way she knows how. I love & hold her now. Such deep wholeness & tender vitality.

  89.  #89Emerson on March 29, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Hi everyone, I’ve been spamming the other thread by myself (almost)

  90.  #90Silver Moonbeam on March 30, 2012 at 12:42 am

    I feel stifled and don’t feel like posting, I feel like it’s wrong to share personal stuff for fear of offending other “readers” I don’t want to feel bad.

    I feel angry at readers who think it is childish or obsessive to comment gleefully when you are the first poster.

    I feel like I am in school and being told to sit down, shut up, fold your arms and pay attention.

  91.  #91Daria on March 30, 2012 at 1:35 am

    Smb – we can still practice…

    What does feeling like its wrong feel like? Is it uncomfortable… Scared… Sad… Stiffened?

  92.  #92Silver Moonbeam on March 30, 2012 at 1:55 am

    Daria it feels uncomfortable and unsafe to vent or to post in case you talk about eyebrows or shoes or something “trivial” like we are supposed to be serious students or good girls who shut up and be quiet, like children should be seen and not heard.

  93.  #93Daria on March 30, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Silver moonbeam – that feels sad . I feel glad you’re looking at that. I love your unconfortable unsafe feelings and the lil girl that feels scared and judged and unsafe to express herself awwwww (((silver moonbeam)))

    It’s totally ok for her to express herself now. No matter what

  94.  #94Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 3:39 am

    Hello Day 11 of the Challenge of my Life!!

    Today is Day 11. And it’s Friday. And it is possibly my last day at work… Maybe! That feels a little scary… Ok, focus on Day 11!!

  95.  #95Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 3:50 am


    I hate that you ate feeling like that and I am feeling super angry at the “thing” that makes you feel like that.

    This is gonna sounds agressive and maybe it is. I feel very very trigerred by the post about “we’re doig wrong here”. We are NOT doig wrong. 1. There is no rules and 2. If we were doing wrong, it’s to Rori to tell us.

    Last night, I tried to say nothing about this post because I’m prcticinh being lesa defensive (it has triggered a lot of people around me and I had trouble with it) so I said nothing. Bu now I feel pissed that it makes my sirens sisters feeling bad and wrong. I don’t want sirens to stop expressing their creativity here because they are feeling afraid to be judged (and by someone that they don’t know and who will most probably never post again anyway).

    So, as for me, I’ll keep posting about my shoes, my runs, my men, my dog, my mom, my work, my thousabds of lists, my fears, my excitement, and I don’t give a sh*t on what is gonna be said about it, unless Rori tells me that it’s not blog related and that I have to stop. I doubt she will, I’m sure she knows it’s shoes and runs and work are all part of my healing process.

    I love you sirens and i am happy we have this place here to laugh&cry and to share cosmetics advices.


  96.  #96Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 4:26 am

    Woooooaaa Lizka I feel your power>

    SMB did I miss something?

  97.  #97Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 4:32 am

    FW I think it’s about Spiral’s post on the last thread…

  98.  #98Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 4:46 am

    Seems like a lot of triggered Sirens here .

    I am most interested in your big reactions to a new Sirens comments . I feel curious how you all feel angry and criticized and defensive +++. I wonder if you who are writing frankly unpleasant and intolerant comments to Spiral have tried sinking into the soup of your triggeredness and being “with ” your feelings on this.

    I also feel that all Sirens are free to express their opinions and I agree with Spiral that it would feel good to discuss the topics posted .

    But mostly I challenge those angry defensive Sirens to breathe and feel their feelings instead of lashing out.

  99.  #99Daria on March 30, 2012 at 4:52 am

    I’ve been feelin amazing… I’m tapping w the Margaret lynch videos and rewinding it back again n again to tap web I don’t feel resolved before moving on to the next round. And I’m changing the words to say what’s true for me.

    I feel si empowered

    2 days ago I was tapping on the heart chakra and realized I’m Not a coward not that I believe that there is such thing

    I believed that when I didn’t say my angry feelings when feeling scared of my dad very you g

    I coulda still said it no matter what. Terribly unreasonable but I have huge superheroine standards as I am a superheroine

    Then as I was tapping something came up about not saving my 4 children from a fire. This felt unforgivable as to save myself and not the children. I kept crying and tapping and since it was a past memory and not tied here it shifted easily. I realized I was in the hospital dying and shaming blaming myself. I died feeling that way. Then adter snother round realized actually was nothing I coulda done I wasn’t even there but I was overwhelmed with grief.

    It felt amazing to transform that and I feel so much more worthy and powerful.

    Also I thought I wasn’t committed enough since god woulda come thru for me if I was… Not being there was no excuse for this woman.

    I see how I blamed myself there and thought that i was not good enough and didn’t forgive myself for not creating a miracle and bras king thru my limiting beliefs in an emergency

    I feel a bit squirmy writing about this but I go have a diff perspective now. I see love for Myself would heal everything and it’s also not just about this life. People are free to die if they choose and I can always connect w them

    I’m feeling a lil confused vague about this right now but at the time of tapping it felt clear to see and empowering

    That’s clarified through in my subconsciousness since then

  100.  #100Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Thanks Lizka.

    Sprial and Layla I can totally understand where you are coming from. Being self-centered won’t necessarily work in every context out in the real world. However, as women most of us are other centered. So being self-centered here I believe gives the ladies here a space to just be and to change themselves. It gives us the opportunity to really become aware of ourselves and to learn about ourselves. I have as a result discovered deeper parts of myself and parts that need healing. I assume you both need some healing too and that is one of the reasons you might have sought out this type of resource.

    I feel triggered sometimes too around the gleeing about being first on the blog. I have even felt slapped around a bit for being first some of the times (make that maybe most of the times in the past). However, I take that feeling as my body telling me that I have issues and things to heal as well. One of the ways I look at it is in the context of “You are a child of the Universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to here”. After being squished most of the time as a child, I have learned to squish others too. I am now unlearning that and learning to allow people to be who they are in the world. Or people who they want to be, even my children. It has been an adventure. I am happier now because I am not moved to lash out most of the times when things trigger me. I can look and laugh at some of the things that used to. But you know what, I am feeling more peaceful and calm that I have in years.

    I welcome you both to continue sharing (though this is not my blog). I take the comments as a cry for help, a cry for connection and I also assume that you have some healing to do. I know, it is presumptous of me but you know what, we are all one and we all “need” each other. I has been healing for me to watch people transform here and I would love to experience your transformation too.

  101.  #101Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 5:08 am

    BTW I do understand that people who read the blog comments can experience the self-centeredness as boring. I feel that way sometimes and I admit I have kind of slapped Daria around in the past about it.

    I apologize
    Thank you.
    I love you.
    Please forgive me.

  102.  #102Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Sirenity I feel mixed feelings. I feel unseen and judged reading ur post. I feel sad and angry and scared to feel that way. I also feel glad and excited and supported for the guidance to be w feelings

    I also feel warm and encouraged

    I feel interested in how the word choice of the post triggers me.

    I feel curious how you all ( the all triggers me and I feel unseen and judged)

    And I feel confused about the how whether its like … How dare you feel like that, it’s not warranted

    Or is it a how are you feeling? Tell me more …

    The +++ at the end also feels triggering and scary a bit like it doesn’t really matter what my feelings are they are just part of this group of feelings being judged as inappropriate.

    Spirals comment felt awful to me, I felt so sad and angry…

    I felt like I was being spit upon and put down and humiliated

    It triggered my NVs of ‘you’ll never be accepted into or be able to heal the world’. This is proof that what you’re intending is not happening

    I’m choosing not to believe that now

    Also it felt bad to read the labels of the responses to spiral.

    It triggers my beliefs in fairness…

    Thoughts that say since spirals post felt si bad, counter attacks are understandable. However it still feels bad, noticing this.

    Fairness is made up, feeling bad is the truth of what I’m experiencing

    I feel sad and judging myself/holding back/ feeling sad telling myself I can’t…. Say something to spiral that would heal and attract

    I feel sad. I love my sadness.

    This reminds me of my EfT stuff around courage. I feel excited that I can do more and empower myself even more that way.

    Will feel so wonderful to trust myself that my words are always enough and always healing

    I Am powerful I am the source of my universe

  103.  #103Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Aww Femininewoman thank you

  104.  #104Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:11 am

    Yay FW! Well said! 🙂

  105.  #105Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Thanks for expressing that Daria. You have helped me to put words to my feelings while reading Sirenity’s comments. I also felt afraid of expressing them because I was telling myself that I would not express my feelings “correctly” and she might rant. I apologize Sirenity.

  106.  #106Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:19 am

    Ok not taking this personally but realized I felt triggers by the wording ‘slapped around’. I realize it wasn’t intended to trigger me

    So I felt kinda braced like wait a minute no one slaps me around. I feel humiliated to be seen as being slapped around. I also felt triggered reading in the bible any jezus being slapped and that actually had me put off and only reading the old testament until a few years ago. I judged it as sissy weak Ew gross. I liked fairness and eye for eye and was big on ‘balance’ bejbv even and keeping score.

    Sometimes I noticed I did stuff mean back to someone just do I could forgive then, cuz otherwise it didn’t feel ‘even’ and I couldn’t let it go.

    I want to heal this.

    Thus is deep. Feels unconfortable for me to look at.

    Perhaps there’s a lot if humiliation coercion trauma in my ancestry… Like all humans but I know thus area was enslaved/conquered for a long time.

    In fact our commonly held cultural / national identity comes from being conquered and colonized by Romans over the indigenous tribe the Dacians. We all learn that we ‘come from’ this defeat and perhaps that’s why we have this language (u question that now though it’s ‘standard knowledge’)

    In short terms : this Fuchs w our patches and self esteem.

    Love to me.

    I want to heal everything. Nothings too big or too small and I have some more evidence of that now that I did that lady w children in the burning house tapping.

  107.  #107ulii on March 30, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Lizka! Wow! You got the job! Congratulations 🙂 !!

    You are leaving your old job already and have some weeks off?

  108.  #108Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:20 am

    FW, sometimes I feel bored reading some stuff here. But this is not abou the others, IT’S ABOUT ME feeling bored and not want to read about their stuff. So no need to be blamey (i’m not saying that you are being blamey FM, I’m talking about the comments that we had last night), amd when we feel bored of what is written here, we should do like men, and just walk away, do something else, and come back when we’re ready to read. When I feel bored, I just don’t read the blog. I mean, I don’t HAVE to read it all, no? I read the parts that feels good and I leave the rest. I think if we could all do this in the world, there would be no war anymore. 🙂

    Imagine Hitler taking what feels good for him (the aryans) amd leaving the rest alone. We could have avoid the Holocauste… Imagine Staline taking what feels good for him (Eastern Europe maybe?) and leaving the rest of the world, what is triggering him (the West being capitalist maybe?) alone… We could have avoid the Cold war… Imagine…

    Lol, historian Lizka 🙂

  109.  #109Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:25 am

    Lol fuchks w our Psyches!

    And there’s so much Moee history than this…in our area

    Like the Amazons! Powerful women

    And peaceful matrifocal societies full of goddess off drunk ga, the Danubian delta

    I feel so sad all that is dismissed as myth speculation / unavAilable too old to be part of us

    And it’s There and real!

    I love my seeing eyes that find wisdom and healing

  110.  #110Turquoise on March 30, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Good morning sirens.

    I remember feeling the same way about the posts on the blog when I first came here. I didn’t get it that few were related to the topic, and most seemed like private conversations, several going on at once, and i could get confusing. I realized a lot of women were using it as a place to get advice from those who had the different programs, and shared what was working for them, and how sometimes it was hard to change their habits or learned behaviors. So I jumped in, and started sharing too. If there are too many different conversations going at once, I skim for certain sirens posts, and skip over the ones I feel I don’t understand or know the whole story.

    If we had to stick to the topic, I feel the threads would be short. They don’t apply to everyone, and we’d run out of things to talk about.

    For instance, I missed the interview, so not sure what all I could say about it. I don’t have the interview cd’s from Rori’s program, so I don’t even know who this coach is. But th posts I do relate to, I comment on and then catch up with my friends.

    Lizka, congratulations on the job!!! That is wonderful! I’m not doing so great with leaning back. I’m doing it perfectly with Ohioguy, but C emailed me back about the taxes and asked me to remind him, was being cute and sent me a wink, so I leaned forward to ask what his plan/schedule was for next weekend when he’ll be in town. This is very common, he rarely has a set schedule, sometimes I don’t know what he’s planning until a few days before, often the plans change, and even when he tries to plan ahead (weeks) they usually change. So, I’ve let go of a lot of expectations, stress, irritation, etc. around that. But, I love to plan ahead. I like to know when I’ll have free time, or when I need to be here so he can get the girls. And I don’t think it’s too much to ask to know because my time is valuable too. He told me what he’s thinking, still trying to get an extra day off work, we discussed switching the girls for Easter and he was very accomodating, even though it’s also his birthday. So, it went well, but I feel bad that I leaned forward and asked, since I’m not supposed to be leaning forward. Going to be hard with him because so much of our relationship is over the phone and email.

    Oh well, it’s a fresh day, will be an easy one at work because it’s Friday and we close up early. I am planning to come home and clean, but then might go meet up with a friend later since the girl will be at camp. I often feel like i need to take advantage of my free time, since I don’t get a lot of it!

    I have to finish getting ready for work, so I can’t post a few more things I wanted to…. but I’ll be back later!!

    Happy Friday Sirens!!!

  111.  #111Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Um wow eastern Europe huh that does not feel good.

    Ok wow I feel unseen

    Wow anger that I’ve learned not to express not even to feel

    Hmm excellent trigger.

    Haha I’m already starting to heal what I intended to

    Feels big overwhelming scary and ESPECIALLY numb

  112.  #112Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 5:30 am

    “She ” isnt prone to ranting actually FW .

    “She “however i, that is “I ” feel very interested in blog dynamics and I feel amused sometimes when Sirens “gang up” against each other in petty ways . The jostling for position and being the most Sirenly Siren feels draining to read.

    It feels bad watching people being excluded and elbowed out by others because they feel threatened by that persons opinions.

    I feel so much better now for defending Spiral’s right to speak her opinion .

  113.  #113Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Ulii, no I haven’t get it yet, but I am in the end of the recruitment process. Criminal backcheck and references… Since I am not a criminal, I am feeling pretty confident.

    Since I work in sales, at my job, we have a non compete thing and when someone is giving her two weeks notice, the company nicely tell her/him to leave righ away (and thy pay 2 weeks of work!) so they can’t contact their clients to tell them they are going to work for the competition and they can’t steal the datas from the database (client’s contacts infos, etc.).

    So let’s say then new company calls me today to make me a verbal offer, I will take monday off to go signed the offer letter, and Tuesday morning I’ll tell my boss I am givig my two weeks notice but they will ask me to leave. An since I will be starting only on April 16th at the other place, I am going to have 2 weeks off paid by my old company, PLUS my vacation of last week that haven’t been paid yet… If I had just a little more money, I would go to Rome during these two weeks… Hmmm mayne I could go down south… It’s cheap at this time of the year, no?

  114.  #114Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:37 am

    ‘I welcome you both to continue sharing (though this is not my blog). I take the comments as a cry for help, a cry for connection and I also assume that you have some healing to do. I know, it is presumptous of me but you know what, we are all one and we all “need” each other. I has been healing for me to watch people transform here and I would love to experience your transformation too.’

    This by FW feels inspiring

    I’d like to express here too invite to healing from a ‘cry for help’

    I feel paralyzed often at this pony and numb and wordless ‘they won’t hear you ‘ numbs it out.

    I want to remember this and heal this. And… No urgency. I don’t want to judge myself as I’m noticing myself doing.

    It’s ok to feel numb and paralyzed and powerless.

    That seems not true and I choose it to be I know it is.

    Really? It’s ok to feel numb and paralyzed and powerless?

    but that’s how you miss out, get dissapointed, let children die, let yourself go unhonored.

    Hmm I don’t ‘see’ how but I know it is ok. Choosing to trust and I will ‘see’ later

  115.  #115Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Hmmm Daria, actually I did not expressed myself in a good way saying “easter europe”. I was more thinking about russian speakin countries, excluding Romania, Hungaria, East germany, Kazakhstan and all the other -stan countries. Sorry if I triggered you little romanian Daria.

    Maybe not te best idea to talk history/politic here though. Sorry 🙂

  116.  #116Starla on March 30, 2012 at 5:40 am

    lol sirenity, the irony of your comments is killing me. you know you’re, like…not any better than us with the way you comment? have you read your comments? have you recognized your own defensive urges and triggers that are bubbling up? or are you just in the business of pointing out other people’s flaws?

    if i say i encourage you to look at that, like how you say it, does it make it all okay?

  117.  #117Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 5:46 am

    ‘I welcome you both to continue sharing (though this is not my blog). I take the comments as a cry for help, a cry for connection and I also assume that you have some healing to do. I know, it is presumptous of me ” ..FW

    I feel a little patronized reading these presumptive assumptions FW . Spiral and Layla may not wished to be discussed this way in their absence..who says its a cry for help? This feels very bad to me !

    Thank you for apologising to me FW but I am not sure why you did. I am not attempting to blame you or make you wrong ,but I feel uncomfortable that you are assuming those new Sirens are crying out for help and in need of healing because of their comments.

  118.  #118Starla on March 30, 2012 at 5:47 am

    I’ve even seen you recently post unsolicited comments about other sirens flaws and then end them by saying “and if you are triggered, that is your problem.”

  119.  #119Starla on March 30, 2012 at 5:50 am

    And post about me 3rd person repeatedly one night in telling other sirens what not to do (um, ouch?), and when i asked for more clarity, i was just ignored.

    but, i encourage you to look at your defensiveness here today. also, if you are triggered, that is not my problem.

  120.  #120Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 5:54 am

    I am sorry that you feel that way Starla.

    If in fact you feel bad. I cant tell by your blamey talk.

    I am sorry if you feel your flaws are pointed out by my comments however this is your interpretation.

    I feel calmly supportive of all Sirens rights to speak here , especially so the new Sirens and I dont like to see them shouted down and patronised.

    I also feel good that I have defended those Sirens who dared to speak out. Who knows if that was the first time they felt free to speak an opinion, or whether they live in countries where freedom of speech is banned ?

    Long Live the Blog!

  121.  #121Starla on March 30, 2012 at 5:59 am

    no sirenity, i don’t feel bad, i’m okay:), i just am curious what it is that’s so appealing to you to post to people in this way, all up in their business about how THEY’RE triggered and THEY’RE defensive, and even adding in a defensive disclaimer that if it bothers them, it ain’t your fault… so i tried it on for size. and i don’t quite like it myself so i’m probably gonna give up on this experiment in a minute…it feels exhausting.

    i do feel interested in reading your posts about your love life and your personal issues you might need support with, btw!

  122.  #122Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 6:01 am

    118 and 119 I am unsure what these accusations refer to Starla , as I dont recall conversing with you on the blog for 18 months or so when we were both known by other names.

    At that time you also seemed mightily triggered by one of my posts as i recall.

    I agree to calmly disagree . It is not about being “right”.

  123.  #123Starla on March 30, 2012 at 6:02 am

    i still have a freaking headache from quitting coffee a week ago.

    does anyone have any idea when this will go away? i asked google, but google’s holding out on me.

    and i feel so excited to have easily given up this vice! and i gave up smoking over 4 months ago.

    btw i never did have that beer last night. i only talk a big game about having a drink…i never actually follow through. I ate spinach instead.

  124.  #124Starla on March 30, 2012 at 6:04 am

    sirenity, i had a feeling you used to post here under a different name!! Your style and tone feel soooo familiar to me, but I can’t put my finger on it though…what was your last posting name?

    the posts i am referring to were probably like a week ago or so.

  125.  #125Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 6:09 am

    Some people are interested in process and dynamic Starla and less so in the nitty gritty detail of other peoples lives. We all read the blog for different reasons.

    I have shared plenty here about my personal life under other names .

    The blog only feels good to me some days and usually posting feels draining because people are dumping their daily stuff and not conversing about process , that is the subject matter of Rori’s posts.

  126.  #126Starla on March 30, 2012 at 6:11 am

    ohh sirenity, i was just saying, if you want to post about your own stuff and not other people’s stuff, that would feel interesting to me. i was saying it because i don’t want to come across as having the desire to shut you out in that arena, since that is not the case!

  127.  #127Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 6:17 am

    I have to get going now ,and I hope that Spiral and anyone else who wants to discuss Rori’s posts , or group blog dynamics feels welcome here.

    Thank you Starla for your comments . My identity changes now and then for privacy reasons .

  128.  #128Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 6:28 am


  129.  #129light heart on March 30, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Hi Starla,
    I feel curious about why you call coffee drinking a vice.

    I hear and read all kinds of conflicting information, and have pretty much concluded that coffee is not bad for you and is actually beneficial.

    But like anything else, one has to experiment with using it well, because it is something that is easy to cross the line into harmful if it becomes an addiction and drinks too much.

    As for the headaches, did you quit caffeine cold turkey?

    It might have been easier if you eased off.

    it’s a vascular issue, and something your body will get used to, according to individual settings.

    light heart

  130.  #130Starla on March 30, 2012 at 6:33 am

    thanks light heart:). It’s a vice because i couldn’t wake up without it, and because i was very addicted to it, in that i’d have a headache by the late afternoon if i hadn’t had coffee. What’s lame is I often didn’t even drink a whole cup of coffee, but was completely hooked on even that. And there was a fine line between energized, jittery, and anxious that I could never seem to master. So I decided to get rid of it entirely.

    i quit cold turkey..guess that was a big mistake! haha. maybe in a few days i’ll feel all better then:)

  131.  #131ulii on March 30, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Lizka 113
    Ok… sorry I misunderstood about your getting the job. Although I’m sure after all these checks are done you’ll be getting it! 🙂
    Maybe you could really go to Rome for these 2 weeks?

    I also have an off-topic question to all the sirens. I have heard there’s a group of sirens on Facebook. How could I find it/ join, and are you there under your real names? Is it a private group?

  132.  #132Brenda on March 30, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Ginger Sky,

    85- That’s wild! I don’t even know where that came from about free hugs.

    How awful about him charging for gas and frig! He is no friend! I wouldn’t receive from someone like him.

    But I’d still give him free hugs, cuz I offer UN conditional love.

  133.  #133ulii on March 30, 2012 at 7:10 am

    About the Eastern-Europe thing.

    I am actually from the part Stalin did “took” and my country was over 50 years part of the USSR. Although I feel myself more northern European or even Scandinavian, I know that the Baltic states are still considered Eastern .. And sometimes I do get triggered as I feel to lot of people from Western Europe it seems to mean also something negative & suspicious to start with. And the women are considered prostitutes or else as “easy” and “after men & their money” ( I have experienced this trying to find a flat to rent out in Spain, also while studying in Finland or working few months in Norway).

    But these negative experiences are minority, coming from elderly people mostly, also sometimes my own negative belief, and actually there are lot of people who are interested to get to know the real me, to know about my country & its people & history and often the stereotypes are just because there’s not been enough time or will to get real information or it’s difficult to obtain, as many history books are, as they say, written according to the winner’s view of what happened….

    And I have to admit, I often don’t have the time to get thoroughly informed about the histories of many-many countries that are far from me. So I try to not take a negative attitude personally, whenever I might encounter it.

  134.  #134Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 7:11 am


    The Facebook group is super private, none of your none-sirens contact can see what is posted and neither that you are member of this group.

    If you are friends with any siren on FB, you can ask her to invite you in the group.

    Some of us have create profiles only for this used so they protect this privacy, some others use teir regular profile. I feel safe there so I use my real name. We have an agreement to never post on each others walls about Rori, the blog, or some keywords related to the blog.

    It’s like a little secret society. 🙂

  135.  #135Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 7:15 am

    Oh Ulii I hope you didn’t get triggered about my post aabout Eastern Europe. I think we already discussed it and you know I have a super deep interest and passion for this part of the world and I respect this people very strongly. Most of my friends are from there an sometimes I like to pretend that I from there too. 🙂

    About the fb thing, if you don’t have any sirens as friends, send me an email to and I’ll give you my real name so you can add me.


  136.  #136ulii on March 30, 2012 at 7:20 am


    no, don’t worry, I didn’t get triggered now at all, because i know that you are really interested 🙂 I remember we were writing about this a bit, yes.

    I guess I just wanted to show I also understand the “not feeling good” from Daria, and recalled some of the moments I have felt triggered before.

    Thanks for the mail address, I will use it, as i don’t have any siren FB friends yet, and I’m really interested to be part of that group. 🙂

  137.  #137Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Lizka “secret society”? oh hum maybe I am old school but I refuse to believe that anything Internet related is secret.

  138.  #138Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Anyone in touch with Emoticon? I feel concerned about her move and current living situation.

  139.  #139GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 7:34 am

    #101 FW I see what you mean, & it feels very good to read your words to Daria. And imo neither you nor anyone else should feel overly guilty (not saying you do, but using your post as a jumping off point) about anything we say here… bc as I`ve said before, this blog is by nature & default a kind of healthily narcissistic exercise in exploring our own reactions, hearing & taking in our own & others`s truths, receiving witness & encouragement thru other people, and feeling we can offer such, and that it & we matter. This is, to me, therapy at one of its literally highest & most ideal levels! (doctors of psychology etc have written extensively I think on this kind of interaction as ideal therapy fwiw.) And one can engage it in almost any way that feels right & works for them here. Everyone literally matters *equally*, and riffing & other self-talk (and reading others` riffing) is part of the serious, deep (& fun) healing! I could go on… and I`ve considered pretending I`m in sociology class & writing a mock paper on what I see happening here, bc I find it phenomenol, esp as I`m dedicated to intentional community. I dont have skill, time or energy for that tho. But this IS a kind of an IC imo, & instead of sharing bathrooms, kitchens, gardening together & working thru deep shadows/triggers/masks/denial/honesty/communication issues by sharing physical space, we are doing the same & other even more incredible things here i believe, by sharing virtual space & sharing the space inside ourselves. If we know that thart sort of experience is what`s happening here, and that the self-focus IS the good part etc, then I see that we can *really* make huge and amazing things happen for ourselves & others. Just like a physical IC.

  140.  #140GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 7:39 am

    There`s a Facebook Siren group?! Maybe I`ll hafta start using Fb more again 🙂

  141.  #141GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 7:43 am

    I very much like & endorse the boundaries described about the Fb blog (didnt catch whose post that was) as far as not posting about Rori & identifiable keywords about this site etc. Well done imo, Siren sisters!

  142.  #142GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Yeah, Lizka, I thought it was you. Thanks for posting that.

  143.  #143GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:01 am

    #133 Ulii, omg, it feels so sad & upsetting to me to read that that stigma is attached to women in your country! I feel for that. That hits home for me in many ways, about being see that way & discriminated against. I hate it when people dump their shadow onto another to that severe of a degree. I have a male friend who`s South Korean, living now again in South Korea, & he can`t rent an apt get a job, receive respect or date Korean women hardly bc he is… drum roll… wait for it… SHORT! And as a wise martial arts old school amazing last-of-his-lineage guy, he also has long hair, very beautiful, which he refuses to cut. So he is *very* persona non grata in his own country. I do not mind criticizing that part of South Korean culture online… the “lookism” there is widely publicized from both pro & con sides online, and am glad to have anyone respond to me about it. My US bff, who he is in a relationship with, said she saw there that anyone living in a nation in which there are no other people groups to engage in “racisim” against, will find someone of their own culture to denigrate.

  144.  #144GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:09 am

    #106 (((((Daria))))) Hugs, respect, admiration, kudos & just, yeah, you & your journey are awesome. Real. This post is awesome.

  145.  #145GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:18 am

    #98 Sirenity, wow! GingerSky`s hackels are up! I see no one as being at all inntolerant of Spiral in any way here. Just expressing whatever comes up. Your post feels EXTREMELY judgmental, directive, petty and intolerant, as well as critical in an inappropriate way to me… I feel triggered & defensive & protective of other Sirens & myself. Thank you for bringing up this trigger for me. I think you are Spiral.

  146.  #146Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Ginger 142

    It was me what? I don’ understand…

  147.  #147Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 8:27 am

    RE 145 Very insightful Gingersky.

  148.  #148Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Lizka: Gingersky was responding to your post about FB

  149.  #149GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:31 am

    #116 Starla RIGHT ON, AND THEN SOME! If i had time & didnt have to go now, I think I`d spend all day gleeing, trying to be first & most Sireny, lol! And talking about make up! Yay! Daria, lots of stuff is coming up for you today… sending you all good energy & you ARE the Amazon of healing imo! Love to all Sirens…Sirenity, I suggest you go start another blog that`s more to your liking since this one is to immature for you, lol. But I`m glad you`re here bc you`re helping us deal with our trigger material. For free! Whee heee! Roll on into a great day, Sirens, & respect, healing & comfort to be yourself be manifest to ALL of you/us on this day. I need love & I get it here.

  150.  #150GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:33 am

    #148 Thanks, (((FW))) 🙂

  151.  #151Starla on March 30, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Gingersky your energy feels kind of adorable today:)

  152.  #152GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Before I totally log off here, ((((((SMB))))) 🙂

  153.  #153light heart on March 30, 2012 at 8:48 am

    I was reading a bit from the mr.unavailable and fallback girl site, there’s lots of helpful insightful stuff, and it’s not just about blaming the guy, there is a lot about taking responsibility for your part

    I have the sense reading the blog sometimes, that some of us do actually make excuses for bad behavior and code amber and red flags…things that are pretty unacceptable to us and it’s unlikely he’s gonna change, unless he sincerely wants to….for one thing, we’ve invested time, energy, emotion and keep hoping for a return on that investment, losing some objectivity in the process…

    anyway, here’s a significant tidbit:

    Unconditional love does not mean
    love without limits

    Think of parenting…

    btw, I listened to Rori’s interview and enjoyed it very much and recommend it. Lots of clarifications.
    She mentioned that she got a lot of her inspiration for her coaching methods from good parenting books!!

    There were a couple points that I don’t see eye to eye with her about, but it’s more a matter of differing individual esoteric opinion, than anything about communicating in feeling messages or other foundations of the philosophy itself.

    light heart

  154.  #154Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Gingersky…#145 very perceptive 🙂

  155.  #155Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I’ve been babysitting my nieces the last few days and WOW…I feel so much admiration for stay at home moms! 🙂

  156.  #156Starla on March 30, 2012 at 8:57 am

    I feel sad, but I don’t want to drop into the soup. I’m scared of it. I’m scared I’ll never come out. I’m scared scared scared.

  157.  #157GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:57 am

    #151 Thank you, Starla! I feel more coalesced today in this sadness re NSM & my life etc. I`m disengaging of his retaliatory energy, & breathing deep etc. Need to look at my own in that mirror for sho. And learning from his ex how he is just very triggered whenever in a romantic relationship at all, but balanced if it becomes just friendship, like he can`t deal w being that close w anyone, like attachment disorder stuff etc, as I`d seen, in him & me in some ways. I share this in case it helps anyone here. I`m still kinda blamy toward him & his little (or big) controlling attacks etc, & how he feels *anything* I do that bothers him is an attack even if it`s just a normal tiny tiny daily thing (like leaving a glass on the countertop or something etc), & he won`t grow from it but insists on always being right. I know I have my issues & some of them are very difficult, and I need support. & to take *much* more initiative in my life, & to learn how to even do that. Thanks for your comment/feedback, it feels *very* grounding to hear, & I take it inside myself & let it grow & live! Love to you!

  158.  #158Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 8:59 am

    light heart I was not able to listen. For some reason it won’t allow me to select my gender.

  159.  #159Starla on March 30, 2012 at 9:01 am

    I just blocked a friend on chat who is very depressed today and has been some shade of depressed for a looong time. I don’t mind talking to him, but today I just don’t want that energy. Even though I have it myself.

  160.  #160light heart on March 30, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Feminine woman, did you try to go to Allana Pratt site and access the recording?

  161.  #161light heart on March 30, 2012 at 9:06 am

    Starla, I feel happy hearing you taking care of yourself in that way…wise energy management

    light heart

  162.  #162Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 9:06 am


  163.  #163Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 9:07 am

    where is Goodheart? I hope she is feeling better….

  164.  #164Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 9:09 am

    159 (((starla)))
    It’s ok you need to take care of you

  165.  #165lk on March 30, 2012 at 9:09 am


    i feel amused reading “jostling” for Top Siren position… lol & i’m imagining it happening… like, pushing each other on the rocks… lol there is a scene i think in the little mermaid that is like that : ) i think…

    i don’t want to defend myself…. i feel really good posting my personal business on this blog… it feels really good to get in the habit of typing fast fast fast in my stream, in my “mode,” without double-checking myself….. & then i post & then i look at it & i can SEE my process…. in my own “ramble” …. lol & now i’m like, “bramble” & i’m thinking the rabbit in the briar patch & how many stories we hold… like, i’m imagining myself as a really thick, tight-bound stack of worn leather & faded paper…. i can carry that around, or i can stop thinking “the difference between the volume & the table-top on which it rests” & i can think “this slivered perception of infinite energy & absence of energy, & the absence of energy moves on and with the energy, so no part is separate from the energy”

  166.  #166Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 9:15 am

    I’m really starting to feel annoyed now and actually angry at New CD for not telling me where we are meeting today. WTF we are supposed to meet in just a couple of hours.
    I feel disappointed and impatient. I feel let down and upset that I planned my day with this date as part of my scheduling, and now I don’t even know what is going on.

  167.  #167GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 9:15 am

    #156 OH, (((((((((((((Starla)))))))))))) I almost didn`t see this! Yeah! It feels like that for me too, esp when I ever first started doing that. The “secret” is that going into the soup gets you out. Seriously. Hope this isn`t annoyingly geekish, but my way of sharing on it is this: the human organism tends strongly to *balance* itself, regardless of & in the midst of the entropy in the universe on this temporal plane of existence. SO going into the soup is imo like a wormhole. Going in*takes* you out, IF you sit with it & dont try to run away, cover it over w prettiness, etc. It`s just how we operate. The avoidance is what keeps you in, like if you were balanced on the rim of a scary-looking wormhole out in space, clinging to the edge & being buffeted by G forces etc. Or stuck in doldrums in some cases Going into the soup is dropping into & surrendering to a slipstream that allows the balance & release & healing you are designed to create. I hope this helps! I really gotta go now, glad I saw your post & thanks to Sirenity/Spiral for initiating the word “soup”, & bringing all this up! It`s all beautiful, even when it isn`t.

  168.  #168Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 9:19 am

    I’m going back to bed for a while and resting. I’m not going to rush and get ready for unconfirmed plans.

  169.  #169light heart on March 30, 2012 at 9:20 am

    “It`s all beautiful, even when it isn`t.”

    I love reading that

    light heart

  170.  #170light heart on March 30, 2012 at 9:22 am

    “It`s all beautiful, even when it isn`t.”

    I love reading that

    light heart

  171.  #171light heart on March 30, 2012 at 9:27 am

    that reminds me
    pain is inevitable
    but suffering is optional

    light heart

  172.  #172light heart on March 30, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Going into the soup feels so damn exhilarating
    and heart cracking open wider and wider
    light heart

  173.  #173lk on March 30, 2012 at 9:31 am

    oops, my b – i forgot what i was talking about

    but i want to continue lol : )

    i feel really really excited to see how CD is responding to his ex girlfriend being in contact & i feel really warmed & safe by how he is putting me first…. & i feel overwhelmed by how loaded it is….

    he was saying he feels scared because the things we “fight” about are the same things that she & he used to fight about & i laughed & was like, ” oh, that you’re bossy in the kitchen & stuff ? ” & he was like, yeah & i was like, baby everyone can be a pain in the xss sometimes : ) i love you & i was like, i know i’m annoying…. i hear it all the time : ) & i told him that i will not hide my negative feelings from him & that i will be honest & open…… & i do feel very healthy & “given to” to hear that he is concerned that he may be “wrong” sort of about some ways he deals with things… because even though i do not think he is “wrong” at all, because we are so very different, it is good to hear from him that there is “space” for compromises & changes & agreements & negotiations….. so that we can have peace : )

  174.  #174T-Girl on March 30, 2012 at 9:33 am

    I don’t know why, by Alana Pratt’s website doesn’t work right on my computer. I can’t get to Rori’s interview and when I pull up the website it doesn’t have scroll bars so I can’t explore her website further.

    Did anyone listen to the interview?

  175.  #175lk on March 30, 2012 at 9:41 am

    every “fight” i have, i feel better & better afterwards because i learn to love myself & i learn to love others. i want to be a really good girl & be sweet… help please

  176.  #176T-Girl on March 30, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Is it normal for me to be curious of how an old CD is doing these days? Should I feel worried that I want to say hi?

    What the heck is wrong with me. I am so in love with J, but lately I have been thinking about S and what he has been up to.

    I have been trying to sink into my feelings to see why it is so important for me to know. It’s not like I have feelings for him anymore. He was one I was really into but he fell off the back of my horse when J came into the picture.

    I don’t know what is there for me to heal. Closure? Or could it be the need for me to say “ha, ha, look at me now”?

    On one hand I don’t see anything wrong with being friends. I believe J may have an old girlfriend or two that are still friends. But on the other hand I wouldn’t want to do anything that would hurt J.

    I am not going to act on this need I am feeling.

    Someone please tell me this is normal…

  177.  #177lk on March 30, 2012 at 9:50 am


    maybe *he* is thinking of *you* & you are just feeling it ?

    i’d just “wave” to him (energetically lol), smile & go back to what you were doing : )

  178.  #178light heart on March 30, 2012 at 9:51 am

    173 lk
    because even though i do not think he is “wrong” at all, because we are so very different, it is good to hear from him that there is “space” for compromises & changes & agreements & negotiations….. so that we can have peace : )”

    Yeah, I know what you mean about not thinking he is “wrong”. I find that challenging with some things. I got triggered by his with-holding important information, deceptive kinds of behavior, fudging, etc., because it seems so self-serving to me, not taking my feelings or situation into account,e ven though he was aware of them. I realized that underlying some of it was the man’s pride, he was protecting his own wounded pride. However, it was also a way to control the situation for the primary objective–to get what he wanted, first and foremost, without taking my most significant wants into consideration hardly at all…it was like as long as we agreed on everything we were good to go, but if not, discussion, compromise, negotiations were very hard to come by. so that just isn’t going to fly with me

    So, yes, it IS good to hear from him, lk, that there is the space for all kinds of dancing together, whether it’s in the mud or under the stars…

    light heart

  179.  #179lk on March 30, 2012 at 10:03 am

    this morning also i was so heavy when i woke… & cd asked me if i’d pet the dog yet lol & then a few minutes later he asked me to pet the dog… & i felt so upset. so i said to him a minute later, ” i feel weird hearing you say that… like you think i’m a wicked stepmother …. i do want to pet the dog & i do pet the dog ” LOL that i was such a baby. but then he just said, “thank you” & left the room to do a chore & i felt so sad & resistant to petting the dog, except also lonely & wanting to pet the dog… lol… so i stomped my little foot & sat down next to the dog & started cuddling with her, saying to myself, “awwww poor girl…. no one cares about ME” LOL that i’m such an infant !!! but when he came back from his chore, cd stooped down & kissed me & said, are you ok ? & i said, yes, i think i also felt a bit untouched this morning & that is why i felt weird being asked to cuddle the dog… i want cuddles too ! & he said ok & then we finished our chores & cuddled a lot on the couch & in the bedroom & we had a hug that was minutes & very healing….

  180.  #180T-Girl on March 30, 2012 at 10:07 am

    177 lk,

    I so LOVE your perspective! Thank you. I am going to wave in the air, thank him for being in my life and wish him the best and a happy life. And then I am going to hug my man real tight tonight and melt.

  181.  #181T-Girl on March 30, 2012 at 10:17 am

    180, I just did it and I felt a wave a relief and sadness flush over me at the same time.

  182.  #182Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Aww lk I love reading your processes and thoughts, feelings etc. I feel inspired.

  183.  #183Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 10:34 am

    I’m feeling turned off by NewCD more and more each minute. I don’t even care about meeting him anymore. I’m moving on to the next.

  184.  #184Brenda on March 30, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Ginger Sky,

    RE: #88 – “Bfrenda (I`ll leave that typo bc it fits ), I meant to simply share how I relate to what you`re saying & say “hard won” indeed, but I`ve stumbled onto this piece, this revelation. No wonder I had such a hit to get back out of bed & to log on once more here. Aw, I love me! Sweet little girl that I am, in all her strength, has been reaching out to get whole & stay safe – in the only way she knows how. I love & hold her now. ”

    Awww, I really like that “Bfrenda”! Thank you! I have had cute things evolve from my name over the years, and this typo is especially creative!

    When I was slender and involved in pro life work, my friend nicknamed me “Slenda Brenda the Child Defenda”! Another person said “Brenda Renda”, like rendering my heart.

    I especially like this line of yours: “Such deep wholeness & tender vitality.”

    Yes, I relate! Love and heal that lil girl!

  185.  #185Brenda on March 30, 2012 at 10:42 am

    One of my favorite men from my church, 1.5 hours away, is here at the conference. He is too young for me, but I am getting some good CD practice.

    I observed how I automatically offered to share some of my snacks and drinks (boy energy)…and how automatically he withdrew! I FELT it, instantly, and he has avoided me on breaks.

    So now I am back into leaning back mode. And it is a lesson for the future.

  186.  #186Starla on March 30, 2012 at 10:48 am

    i am involuntarily spiraling down into sadness and i want like hell to make it stop and cover it up and numb it

  187.  #187Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Got the job! La la la!!!!

  188.  #188lk on March 30, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Congratulations, Lizka !!!!!!! Enjoy your time off : ))))) wow i feel excited & inspired

  189.  #189lk on March 30, 2012 at 11:00 am


    sometimes the sad is my nest – a cave when it is stormy – it’s healthy & normal, just don’t lose sight of where you came in. let me know if you need a candle …….

  190.  #190T-Girl on March 30, 2012 at 11:04 am


  191.  #191T-Girl on March 30, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Yay Lizka!!!!

  192.  #192lilybelle on March 30, 2012 at 11:04 am



    Just caught your post..

    I think it’s natural to “wonder” about people we have cared about in the past but no longer interact with. I know that I feel that way about some of my guys, after all, they had a part in making me who I am today. I’d actually really like to thank them for sharing part of their lives with me.

  193.  #193lilybelle on March 30, 2012 at 11:05 am


    That a girl! Way to take control of the situation!!


  194.  #194Starla on March 30, 2012 at 11:07 am

    lizka you rock!

  195.  #195lilybelle on March 30, 2012 at 11:11 am


    lk, I adore you, reading about you and cd and your unfailing support. But this post, really moved me..

    and this line…”let me know if you need a candle”..

    awwwww, I feel so cared for and it wasn’t intended for me, even. But WOW, how wonderful to know that someone will be there for support.

    Starla… I just really feel the need to hug you, even if it is only cyber-ly… (((((((((((Starla)))))))))))

    As AH always says…there is much love for you here….

  196.  #196Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Lizka Lizka Lizka!!!!!!!
    One door closes another one opens.
    You will have the life you want
    You will have the relationship you want
    Their threat was just the Universe’s push to get you closer to your dream life.
    I believe that Rome trip is going to work out.

  197.  #197Mel on March 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Yippee Lizka!!! 🙂 I feel proud of you girl!

  198.  #198Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Awwew thank you girls! Thank you FW for your kind words. They feel so good.

    I am way too excited!!

  199.  #199Mel on March 30, 2012 at 11:24 am


    So funny about thinking of past CDs. I was just thinking of sexysarcastic the other day. Just feeling curious about what he’s up to, nothing more. I have this feeling I’m going to run into him.

  200.  #200Starla on March 30, 2012 at 11:33 am

    thank you lk and lillybelle

  201.  #201CurvySiren10 on March 30, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Yay Lizka!! The Challenge of Your Life has helped you manifest this wonderful life change, I’m sure of that. Congrats!! 🙂

  202.  #202Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 11:43 am


    199 @ Mel, you prob will run into him! That kinda stuff happens to me too…and then I end up running into the person or they email me or text me or something!!!

    Lizka I’m so happy for you and I feel inspired by your success! You are so Rockstar!

    Speaking of Rockstar….where is Ella these days…
    wondering what she is up to.

    lk I like what you said about giving a (proverbial) wave to a former CD if we think of them…that’s a nice thought. 🙂 And I like your comment to Starla about the candle too….

  203.  #203CurvySiren10 on March 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Starla, I feel sad and anxious reading about how YOU are feeling right now. Wish I knew how to help, but I wanted to send hugs as you work through this…

    I have a strong instinctual feeling that you and CF *will* get through this bump in the road, but I know it’s hard to see that when you’re in the soup. (BTDT)

    Keep talking to us! We are all pulling SO hard for you…

  204.  #204Daria on March 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

    ladies!!!! i woke up and did Rori’s sensual meditation in bed cuz i was feeling kinda icky and noticed my mind wanting to go down a path of CREATING stress thoughts and didnt really have anything to stress about lol

    so im like, what about sensual mediation and YUm i feel good

    it feels lovely to read yall today

  205.  #205CurvySiren10 on March 30, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Lizka, what will you be doing in your new job?

  206.  #206Daria on March 30, 2012 at 11:51 am


  207.  #207Daria on March 30, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Yay Lizka!

  208.  #208Starla on March 30, 2012 at 11:53 am

    thank you curvy siren:)

    i feel thankful for this support group

    and a little pathetic that it’s all i got right now=/

    cuz i just want cf’s hugs?:( and on wednesday i was pouting to him saying i needed them, and he promised to deliver them as promised the following day, but he didn’t come through.

    and i am sad that i don’t like any of my ex boyfriend’s enough to go crying to them lol. cuz i need hugs:( so if my boss will let me out of here early, i will go sit with my best friend at her retail job.

  209.  #209Starla on March 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

    i miss my mommy:(

  210.  #210Daria on March 30, 2012 at 11:54 am

    :: Creator, or Reactor? ::

    An understanding of *power* is needed to become an
    effective human being. So children are instinctively
    driven to discover the nature of power, and they look
    to their parents for clues.

    Our children especially notice our *reactions*.
    When we react to something, that thing appears to
    have power.

    Whether you react positively (like when someone gives
    you flowers) or negatively (like when you see a big
    spider in your house), you are teaching your child
    that those things are powerful.

    * When you worry about a possession,
    you give it power.

    * When you are offended by certain words,
    you give them power.

    * When you react to something in the news,
    you give it power.

    * When you react to your child’s behavior,
    you give it power.

    Today, notice your reactions and consider what they
    might be teaching your child about power.

    By being creative rather than reactive, you
    demonstrate that Authentic Power comes from within.

    –> More at

  211.  #211Daria on March 30, 2012 at 11:56 am

    omg! and this one… i feel sad and frustrated initially … and i know with practice ill take babysteps and really feel this more! i feel it some today! my bed and desk and earthg and parents love me! all men love me!

    :: The Love Game ::

    Think about how good you feel when someone tells you
    they love you — *really* love you. Wouldn’t you like
    to feel that way more often?

    The object of today’s game is to rekindle that feeling
    *all day long!* Here’s how:

    No matter what your child does or says to you
    today, *interpret* every expression as if s/he
    said “I love you!”

    This may seem frivolous or even crazy, but don’t knock
    it ’til you’ve tried it! 🙂

    You can make up reasons if you like. (Example: “My
    child loves me so much, s/he’ll do *anything* to get
    my attention.”) But there’s even more power in
    perceiving love for no reason at all.

    Immense power and pleasure are available to you by
    deliberately choosing interpretations that feel good
    *to you*. Before long, you may discover more Love than
    you know how to let in.

    Remember that love is your birthright. You don’t need
    an excuse to let it in. Love is always there for you.

    Just breathe and let it in!

  212.  #212Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    209 Aww Starla….
    I feel teary and so moved reading “I miss my mommy”….sending so much love and hugs…

  213.  #213Emerson on March 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    I’m feeling sort of stuck in a circle of repeated circumstances with a lot of false “starts” with both jobs and relationships…

    It seems there is all this interest in the beginning and promise and hope for a new prospect…and then ppfftt… fizzles out and poof….it’s GONE. I mean, totally poofed…nada nothing no how…

    I’m starting to feel hopeless and like i am stuck in this circle of events over and over…

    Now with NewCD it just happened again…where he didn’t come through…and I was not expecting that, or was I? No, I don’t think so…

    I felt triggered because he has continued to text me (I feel unheard) instead of calling and also he said he didn’t call to firm up plans because was busy at work….then he still didnt call OR firm up plans.
    That is sooo triggering for me. Dude I don’t even know you. Bad first impression.

    How am I manifesting all this dead end-ness?

    I want circumstances that actually manifest a lasting relationship or job and not waste a bunch of effort on something that goes nowhere.

  214.  #214Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Thank you Daria:), Thank you Emerson:)

  215.  #215Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Emerson, maybe you’re just “noticing” it too much that there are dead ends, so they are manifesting continuously. I just plucked that from a vague memory I have of an Abraham Hicks audio I heard once upon a time.. but maybe? 🙂

  216.  #216Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Daria thanks for posting 211. I need that today. My son is starting to talk to me in a very dismissive, demeaning way even when I try to work with him with things he wants. It kind of boiled over today about the movie Hunger Games he wanted to attend with his friends today. He wanted me to inconvenience myself but then he changed his mind repeating that he did not want to go two days ago. I went as far as trying to coordinate with another parent but then the timing was too inconvenient because of something else he has to do tonite. He started backtalking and verbally being rude even when I was reminding him that I had offered for him to go with his sister somewhere closer to home.

    All in all I am telling myself that it is abusive of me to withdraw from him emotionally when he gets rude and blameful like this. I feel triggered when these things happen but also want to implement what I am learning here about disengaging without building emotional walls. So that when he does come back I can talk about behavior without being angry or having to struggle to break down my own blocks to him.

  217.  #217Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Curvy Siren –

    The new job is marketing&sales for the biggest web marketing company in Canada!

    Feels fun!

  218.  #218Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Emerson – not to worry all that fuzzy wiry buzzy happens and when its over, the pond clears and the energy coming to you has been Upgraded

  219.  #219Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    If Spiral is still reading this, I just want to apologize for my “gotcha” comment yesterday.

    I’m soo good at them=/. I see hypocrites everywhere. I’m not sure pointing out hypocrisy helps anything, though.

    I don’t like this human thing today as I don’t feel that I excel at it.

  220.  #220Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    oooh Starla – i don’t always feel a pull to this but when i do do it it does feel good… Abraham Hicks! so you can shift your perspective to feels good!

    you can make this mean something really good!

  221.  #221CurvySiren10 on March 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm


    All we can do right now here is offer cyber hugs. Just know they are loving and heartfelt. My heartstrings really feel tugged at your post about missing your mommy. 🙁 (as the mother of an amazing daughter…)

    CF will come to his senses, emerge from his cave retreat and step up for you. I really believe this. But if he doesn’t, it’s okay cause you WILL have the relationship you want. You are working SO hard on making yourself ready for it.

  222.  #222Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    ((((((((((feminine woman)))))))))

  223.  #223Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm


  224.  #224Mel on March 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm


    I always want my mommy or step-mommy when things are feeling terrible. I can be the most strong, independent woman ever, but then I get the flu, or have a horrible day or something and I turn into a mama’s girl.

    When I was feeling all “in the soup” recently, I spent 3 hours on the phone with my step-mom. It feels especially hard that my family lives so very far away.

    And yet, I’ve learned that sometimes, I can be my own “mommy.” A mommy to my little girl Mel, who just needs some tlc. I think of what my mom would do for me and I do it for myself.

    And I really loved what lk (I think) said about a breakdown meaning you’re on the verge of a breakthrough.

    You’re so on the verge of one…. soon-ish. 🙂

  225.  #225Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Emerson your comment reminded of Arielle’s feelization and Abraham Hicks. It seems we cheat ourselves out of success sometimes when we are on the brink of something and we don’t sink into the good feelings of them and realising it into the Universe. It seems that when we hook into the negatives with our mental focus and how we feel end up creating that in our physical reality. I consciously choose now to try to believe that all is well around me no matter what is happening and I try to focus my mind internally on good times/feelings. This is not always easy to do depending on how fast my runaway brain train hooks into the loop of the negative. However, it is becoming easier and easier to hang back before reacting so I can engage more of my being into creating my reality.

  226.  #226Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    Starla – also, besides human, what being would feel fun to be today?

    I would like to be a badger today

  227.  #227Emoticon on March 30, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    I wish I could read all the comments. But I have so much to do right now :-(. Duty calls!

    I feel much better by the way and am back in my city. I have moved into the new house and like my new roommates (all girls). I am happy to get out of my last living situation, I cannot fathom living with a young couple in a troubled relationship again. That sh*t can rub off on you. I am so excited about redecorating the room, as the rest of the house is very well decorated (good job roomies) and in my taste too!

    How is everyone doing?

  228.  #228Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    “All we can do right now here is offer cyber hugs. Just know they are loving and heartfelt.”

    thank you!!

  229.  #229Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    lol f*ckin a daria you made me choke on burrito laughing lololololololol “i would like to be a badger today”

    but hmmmm seriously i’ll have to think about it. i never considered much being another animal, except for a cat, and i would be an unhappy cat with no one to pet her.

  230.  #230Mel on March 30, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Ooooh, Starla!

    Put CF into your “universe box”!!!!

    That feels exciting to think about, actually. Just let her figure this all out for you. 😉

  231.  #231Emoticon on March 30, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    oooooh Starla, I’m a cat too lol…. n even if no one pets u, u can stretch n roll around under ur covers n it feels nice too.

  232.  #232Emoticon on March 30, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Oh my goodness i love being on this blog, i wish i could stay… i have to leave though (sighhh) I wish everyone a good weekend (including myself), hopefully there’s some sex in my weekend, that would be awesome. I think i need a sex toy, I havent had sex all month long!!

  233.  #233Mel on March 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    @ Daria, Starla

    I wanna be a honey badger. lol That youtube video cracks me up! 🙂

  234.  #234Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Mel, whats a universe box? Gracias

  235.  #235Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Starla i ffeel all laughy and deligthed and got up laughing that you laughed at the badger thing yay!!!

    i love laughing with freinds omg i lov eit

  236.  #236Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    it feels so good! i say it as one of the dating q

    what do you like to do ?

    i feel good talking and laughing with people 🙂

    weeeeee! :3

  237.  #237Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 12:34 pm


  238.  #238Mel on March 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm


    I think it was Goodheart’s suggestion (but sorry if that’s inaccurate).

    You get a box and you put stuff in there that you want to hand over to the universe. Like a way to just surrender to it and trust that She will help you figure it out.

    A couple weeks ago I was all like “boo!” I hate my apartment and I’ll never be able to afford to buy anything nice… And then I felt all blamey and resentful toward my EX because my “home” wasn’t supposed to look this way… And I had a little pity-party and let myself feel terrible. And then I just gave the word “house” to the universe, because I was a little tired of thinking about it.

    And there you have it… 🙂

  239.  #239Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Yay Lizka!! Congrats!!!!

  240.  #240Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    is it a real box?

  241.  #241Mel on March 30, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Mine was a real box! It wasn’t even pretty. I emptied a little box of paper clips got a sticky note and wrote “universe” on it. lol The mice can be very literal sometimes… 😉

    I just wrote some words down on little bits of paper, crumpled them up and put them inside. I suppose there are many different ways of doing it though.

  242.  #242Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 12:40 pm


    Thank you for replying to my post yesterday! I just read it and it made me feel warm and more grounded.

    Can I ask you something else – been waiting for an offer from a different place for 2 weeks now. Last thing I heard from them on Wednesday that it should be ready ‘shortly’. It’s Friday lol. Is that normal? I thought ‘shortly’ means a few hours!

  243.  #243Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Mel – whats the youtube video?

  244.  #244Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm


    I spent a fantastic time with SmartCD at his place 😉 He was playing piano for me and taught me things about music, and he ordered dinner, and we were laughing and talking and relaxing. And then he was touching me the whole night (something that he hasn’t done before) and I am not working today, so he took me out for breakfast and we talked and laughed more.

    He told me that yesterday he and the little boy where dining in my neighborhood, so that’s why they stopped by. It’s just soo bizarre because it’s like a 20 min drive from where they live and the restaurant is really nothing special, I hardly ever go there though it’s a 1 min walk from my door.

  245.  #245Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Emoticon – i feel jealous! i want to have sex too, it sounds like you have it regularly *pout* i want taht, yummy Goddess worshipping pleasure healing and fuflilling sex

  246.  #246Daria on March 30, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    OH i just rememberd i am my own lover too and i can definitely give myself sex aawwwwww Love me

  247.  #247Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 12:53 pm


    Sometimes, it can take them a while to “write” the offers. Specially if it’s a big company. Sometimes they need aproval from different departement, HR and finance and this is why it’s long. I don’t think 2 days is that much. Right now, I am dealing with a candidate with who I made the cerbal offer on Monday and still don’t have the official one. It’s as stressful for me than for him but there is things that doesn’t depend on me. He WILL have it, just don’t know when.

    I would say, if you haven’t hear from them within a week, it’s totally normal to send them a polite email to ask them where the process is at.

    Good luck!

  248.  #248Starla on March 30, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    I want sex too but not with a man i only see once a week:(

  249.  #249Brenda on March 30, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I’m at a conference in yet I don’t feel normal unless I connect with you ladies.

  250.  #250Starla on March 30, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    I am feeling so bratty and my period is latelatelate

  251.  #251Starla on March 30, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Memulo, supposedly I should have gotten my grad school acceptance/rejection by today, the last business day of march. but nothing. eeeeee i feel your pain girl

  252.  #252Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Thank you Lizka! I am telling myself to be patient, CDing other companies and be surprised 😉

  253.  #253Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Yes Starla, I remember we were both waiting, just thought about it the other day. Am complaining about 2 weeks, but your wait is waaaay longer, right.

  254.  #254Starla on March 30, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    thank you ladies for being supportive and tolerating my whining for the day

  255.  #255lk on March 30, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    i missed mine last month, but i took 2 tests – no babies yet o_0

  256.  #256lk on March 30, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    hi, brenda! enjoy the conference : )))

  257.  #257Starla on March 30, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    i feel like i must not even be good enough to merit a rejection notice. they must be laughing at me. dumb pot advocate thinks she can hang with the doctoral kids. but i can! i really can! i was the very best in my classes and i am a spectacular researcher!

  258.  #258Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 1:37 pm


    They’re prob mailing it out till March 31st. Which means that early next week it will be delivered.

  259.  #259Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    RE 257 Starla that is not a feeling and I believe you know better than that. Tell those rats in your brain to go take their tired old self and jump in a river.

  260.  #260Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Lol Memulo

    It’s good to CD other companies and keep your options open until you have the ring (sign the offer letter) !

  261.  #261Starla on March 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    they email decisions as they’re made. and there’s an online status system that says “your application is being reviewed”

  262.  #262Starla on March 30, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    cf and my grad school are acting the same…responding positively to my email inquiries about when i can expect something, and then not keeping their words. psssshhhhhh they can all go fly kites, yep!

  263.  #263Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    This time I took 5 extra mins at his place to make sure I am not forgetting anything. He said at least don’t take your toothbrush. he said someone else might have had a theory about some hidden agenda behind my leaving my stuff. I asked who is that. He said: Freud (he IS smart). I said that I have a theory about his theory. And that I like flowers because they are beautiful and I feel romanced when I get them, not because they mean someone’s presence at my place and I am not big on symbols anyway. He immediately said that he knows I was leaving in a rush and at odd hours and I was not doing it on purpose.

    Errr he forgot his coat when he was visiting back in Feb.. that was really funny actually.

  264.  #264lk on March 30, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    i’m feeling weird. like……. what is it to dress “sexy” ? & ……. what do **I** want to look like ?

  265.  #265Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Day 11 is hard. I wish I could text ATW to let him know about the job… Maybe he would invite me to celebrate? But this is expecting. I am not leaning forward. Go go day 11!!!!!!

  266.  #266Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm


    When he finds out he will feel so puzzled you didn’t make the point of letting him know

  267.  #267lk on March 30, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    when do ***I*** feel sexy ?? i want to be all “posh” kind of, but then i don’t know what to do with myself & i feel weird………………

    oooooh sexxxy lk is coming out — lol, she was all, “i want to wash my hair every other morning & get my legs a little tanned & never scrape my skin…. & tousle my locks & “do” my hair…. & put lipstick & eyeliner or mascara on sometimes” YEAH. what now, bxtches.

  268.  #268lk on March 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    oooh i feel afraid now

  269.  #269Daria on March 30, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    i feel so glad Lizka you have this insider info about interviewing and job hires

    its something ive felt intimidated and humiliated by in the past

  270.  #270Daria on March 30, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    feeling hungry and making myself food

    it feels so good to observe me taking such easy good care of myself now

    heheheee new normal

  271.  #271lk on March 30, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    she says, “i want hoops”

    lk…… i don’t know what to tell you…

    i’m kind of allergic to most metal & most makeup : (

    & I compulsively scratch my skin

    so i don’t know how to “do” pretty

    i stop myself. i start myself. i start myself : )

    i feel beautiful – i have long, smooth hair & long, smooth legs : ))) mm & smooth skin & no stress & breasts & hips that inflate with my breath – light, easy, slow, goddess….. eyes thick lashes….. go go go !!!! (((lk)))

  272.  #272lk on March 30, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    beauty girl – no scratching : ))) i love myself !

  273.  #273lk on March 30, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    @Daria – what kind of brush do you use for your hair ? i feel curious……

  274.  #274Starla on March 30, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    lk, platinum! i wear platinum hoops! my ears are sensitive too. if you go to tj maxx, or ross, or kohls, you can find them there for a low price. And save your receipt in case they hurt your ears and can’t wear them:)

  275.  #275Starla on March 30, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    oh now cf wants to come down last minute to talk to me. no. i’m feeling pissed and jerked around and honestly he might change his mind while he’s driving down, with the way he’s been changing his mind on me every two seconds, and i don’t f*cking feel like being nice at all so i think i’ll just ignore him like a big baby:D

  276.  #276Starla on March 30, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    i’m tired of f*cking talking. really. this was all supposed to just be us talking about spending more than 1 day a week together. this is f*cking stupid. i want to hit him. i don’t want to talk about anything except how he’s going to see me more.

    go see you’re f*cking shrink if you have other thoughts you need to let out. i’m tired of being jerked around and i feel shut down

  277.  #277Starla on March 30, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    oh wait, that’s right, you just wanna respond to anyone calling you out on your bullshit with your poor me life-long victimhood story, and refuse to talk to a professional cuz “they don’t listen.”

    i feel used up and i’m f*cking pissed

  278.  #278LiliBee on March 30, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    I looove Allan Pratt!

    Someone once posted a link to one of her interviews here…It was incredible how it helped me let go of the past. What a breakthrough I had!

    Thank you Rori for being so generous with your friend coaches. You are a wealth of resources in so many ways.

  279.  #279lk on March 30, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    @starla – thanks – i’m seriously heading to kohl’s now : )))

    & regarding CF……. if you can melt your anger & get to the Sad – that you really really really really really want to see him – then maybe it would feel nice to see him tonight. what do you think?

    love you, i hope you have a fabulous evening !!!

  280.  #280lk on March 30, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    oh… i just had a vague memory return to me…. my mama bought me earrings recently…… a few months ago & i remember posting here about them actually…. but i don’t think i’ve ever worn them – where are they ? they are hoops…….. bah

  281.  #281LiliBee on March 30, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    La la la!!! Lizka!!!

    My little ray of sunshine rises to the occasion once again!

    So your job frowning on you may very well be the blessing in disguise!
    Woohoo! Way to go Sunshine! 😀

  282.  #282Starla on March 30, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    i can’t see him tonight because i have a chinese presentation to prepare for:)

    i’m going shopping myself and then heading to see my best friend:)

    talk to you ladies later and thank you for letting me vent

  283.  #283lk on March 30, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    (((((Starla))))) Have fun : ))) good “luck” on your project

  284.  #284Daria on March 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    lk – actually i feel sad cuz i wanted to buy a brush today but realized it was not THE top of the line and then felt bad

    so i stopped

    here’s hwere i get em:

    oh yeah, and the scalp massager is VERY important for me before each brushing

    it feels amazing and i no longer have to wash my hair if i massage and brush 3 times a day

    last time before washing i hadn’t washed for 6 months

  285.  #285LiliBee on March 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    I would like to express my gratitude to BW again for posting about the meetup groups.

    I no longer feel at the mercy of a man to take me out and have fun. I can have my own life with or without a man. I feel so much lighter and free.
    Free of being hooked on a man bc now I know I can have a life without one.

    There’s hiking tomorrow and rollerblading on Sunday with the meetup groups.
    I can’t wait! I’m all siked! 🙂

  286.  #286Healing Waterfall on March 30, 2012 at 4:44 pm

    Good evening!
    Well, i think i made it through another day without leaning forward……i had to bring him my 1099 that was amended, but that was not leaning forward, that was just taking care of tax stuff.

    This is the fourth day and it still is hard, but I have made it through some of the icky feelings and now I feel more connected to myself.

    It feels funny the way that works….but I notice a shift in myself, that my errands and my day to day stuff is really important and i feel so much more grounded and I am at home now, in the evening.
    what to do now?
    I feel exhausted and just want to curl up with a book and let the dishes wait until a little later.
    I felt really super lonely yesterday and just hung out with it.
    I really want a man who will do the dishes for me when i taught all day.

  287.  #287Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Memulo 266 –

    “When he finds out he will feel so puzzled you didn’t make the point of letting him know”

    I think so. You’re not the first to tell me this (I don’t remember who was the other siren…) so I guess it’s true. And it makes sense too! Yay!!

    I don’t know about RamadanCD. When we talked last time he said again “let me know what happen” but I feel weird to text him and tell him I got the job… I don’t want to lean forward… oh well, last time I was wondering if I should contact him about the interview and he ended up texting me before I took my decision, he might do the same thing again!

  288.  #288Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Wow I just realised how many sirens have congratulated me today about my new job! I feel so loved. awwww

    Thank you Lili, Memulo, Daria, CurvySiren, Mel, FW, Starla, T-Girl, lk…

    (hope I didn’t forget anyone)

    Oh! And also BW and Siren Angel on the Facebook group!

    Really it means a lot to me to have all of you supporting me. Wow. I feel so blessed!!

  289.  #289Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    HW!! Congrats on your 4th day my darling! Wow, I feel happy for you that you already noticed the shift!!

    I’m at day 11 and I haven’t lean forward either again. It was hard today cause I wanted to share my good news with ATW but I didn’t do it!

    He have texted me only one time this week and haven’t make plans for the weekend. It feels sad to think of ot so I’m not gonna stay long on this thought. He needs time. More time. And me too I think…

  290.  #290ulii on March 30, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    RE 187, 288 Lizka

    Congratulations from me too, Lizka! 🙂 You’re doing wonderful!

    I did write you an e-mail before about the FB-group. Did you get it? Maybe it went to spam?

  291.  #291Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Oh Ulii I forgot you in my lists of thank you. I think you did congrats me!

    Sorry about the email, I don’t use this address often so I forgot to check it. Going right now!!

  292.  #292Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Ulii, I couldn’t find you, go see your emails, I sent you my name, maybe you can find me?

  293.  #293Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Lizka and ohter ladies i feel inspired by your sharing about your leanbackness

    i am also leaning back and opening my heart and it feels wonderfu

    it feels really good to not be on the dating site anxious to set something up for TODAY… though i was often able to i also felt anxious and stressed

    now i feel so at ease taking care of me

    ever since ive decided im gonna doll up like im going on a big date everynite

    so tonite im gonna bathe and do some of that

    i also been feeling inspired and vacuumed the office yesterday including behind the dressers which i moved to get there

    it feels fun when i am not feeling rushed pressed obligaated

    a lot of NVS used to come up for me with “chores’ like, youre not doing it right etc just STRESS my mind would spin and it would feel bad

    since i stopped forcing me to do any more… i leave th vacuum in the middle of the room if i feel like it

    theyve so quieted and it feels FUN

    yay what huge blessings

  294.  #294Daria on March 30, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    also, im having visions about money as a man

    he’s so sad and sorry that he’s been abused and tricked and enslaved

    he was meant as a magic loving helper for the goddess and he got used as an instrument of opression and he feels soooo bad and

    im openign my body and heart to him so that he can be healed through my heart just like every man

    i now see the GOOD in him and not just what he was used for by some (the suffering visions and fear id have thinking of him)


    thank you for being there and caring for me wonderfulness

    you are amazing and lovely and healing and healed and i accept and love you and i appreciatte you and your energy and support and love and inspiration and encouragement and creation and assurance and the phyiscal things you bring me like places to rest and food and you are just wonderful baby


    so much sadness in him thinking he was ‘broken’ and icky and dirty and bad and scary awwwww


  295.  #295Healing Waterfall on March 30, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    thanks Lizka

    thanks for being my inspiration!

    I am so excited you are starting a new job, congratulations!

    I am applying for a few part-time jobs now also, so I can take the pressure off my business and let it grow more organically…..

    yes, i definitely feel a shift….

    i mean, I did feel a real happiness in my heart when crush told me to come over and bring him the 1099 and the happiness lasted for a few hours after seeing him…..but i did not contact him or text him and he is incredibly busy with taxes and he said he could not lose his focus….that he would love to spend time with me, but he was really busy….

    i did have to send out a general email about the fundraising bottle drive to businesses on the street, but that was not anything other than if you have bottles to donate to our kids, leave them outside your office….

    so it really wasn’t leaning forward, it would be wierd if i left him out.

    Lizka, what fun things are you going to do to celebrate your new job and are you going to be making more or less money?

  296.  #296Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Gingersky /Jilly/FW sorry but I am NOT Spiral, never had anything to do with her. I have been around this blog for 2 years now. I tend to speak up when I see bullying behaviors and people and its not always welcome, but I feel very uncomfortable when people are picked on for an opinion, people who may not understand the blog.

    I love how you all instantly pack down like the front row in a tough Rugby game, getting ready for the push and shove ..all because one of you made a wild assumption about my identity.

    And all because you dont like my comments about freedom of speech for all.


  297.  #297Healing Waterfall on March 30, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Hi FW

    I really admire your post about your son and how you aspire to stay open to him when he is being rude… must be a lovely mother.

  298.  #298Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    Hmmm I haven’t think about what I’m gonna do to celebrate. I texted one girlfriend today “I have a new job. Let’s party?” And she just replied a very dry “I’m working”. I feel sad thinking of it 🙁

    I can not say it too out loud right now because I haven’t quit my job so it’s not 100% official and in case something happens over the weekend… we never know…

    I’m most probably gonna have 2 weeks off before starting the new job and I just got a bonus at my work so I have a few money. I thought of going down south for a week… Not sure I have ENOUGH money though… But maybe my mom would lend me a few 100$…

    If not, I’m just gonna stay home, wake up late, get my marathon training back on track, maybe visits a few museums and exhibitions, go shopping and definitely go to the spa and get a massage while I still have insurance with my company.

  299.  #299Sirenity on March 30, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    I wanted to post something personal about dreams.

    Last night I dreamed about my ex ,( who has been ex for 4 years and who I have maintained as no contact for 18 months). I dreamed a lot about him and I am amazed how strong all the old feelings were in the dream, feelings of love , sex, closeness, misunderstanding, betrayal, loss , fear and then the whole cycle repeated , just as it did in real life.

    I feel washed out and wrung out after one night of those feelings, and i dont know how I survived so many years of that ! (And I never intentionally give him air time in my thinking through the day.)

    I am also very very curious because whenever this has happened in the past ,( intense feeling dreams about him) I have discovered later that he is physically close by, in my country, even in my town last time.

    I would love to hear any other Sirens intuitive experiences about their loved ones.

  300.  #300Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    And also, yes, the new job is more money (a lot!) and I have to re-do my budget, but I am planning to keep the extra money to buy my own apartement downtown in a few months… there is this wonderful condominium building downtown where my friend use to live with a pool and a jacuzzi on the roof top, and some tanning chairs, and BBQs, and even a fire place. It’s my dream “house”, even if it’s not really a house. And while you are swimming, you have an amazing view on the city. It’s a beautiful place. I think I am going to meet with a Finance adviser this week to see if I can afford an apartment in that building. Wow, that would feel so nice. 🙂

    So it’s more money, but I am loosing one week of vacation (I had 4, I’m gonna have 3 now…). But I am gonna have a pension fund, which I didn’t have. And it’s a super good company to get better at sales and eventually go work as an account manager for a cosmetic company, which is my second dream job after “anything in history”.

    Also, it’s more far, about 50 minutes/day more of public transport travelling, but I am working 1 hour less everyday. Gonna be starting at 9.30 instead of 8.30! And maybe with the extra money, I’m gonna be able to buy a car. That could be cool!


    Si I am pretty happy with it I think with it, even if it’s not my DREAM job, it still help me to get closer to my dream life… I think it’s a good opportunity!

  301.  #301Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    And also I was bored with my job. I didn’t liked my collegues too much anymore. Only 2 or 3 of them. And working there was remembering me of ATW every day. At a new job, I will not have to hear about him all the time and it’s gonna be easier to lean back in my thought even more than I am doing now. I am also gonna meet a lot of new people since it’s a very big company (10 floors building!). I think personally, it’s also an opportunity to grow. 🙂

  302.  #302Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Wondering if I should text RamadanCD about the job… he said “let me know what happens” last time we talked…

    Any thoughts?

  303.  #303Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Speaking of Rugby…I can not wait for Rugby Man to get here!! I feel ready for some cuddles and snuggles…everything still feels amazing and lovely 🙂

    I do feel hesitant to post about how great it is I don’t bring it up too much…but I feel happy and want to gush a little 🙂

  304.  #304Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Lizka…I’m a little late to the party but congrats!!! 🙂

  305.  #305Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    Awww thank you Jilly! And I’m happy to read about you and Rugby Man!


  306.  #306Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    FW…I also think it’s amazing how you are learning a new way to be/awareness with your son no matter what is going on or how he is being.

  307.  #307Jilly on March 30, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Thank you Lizka!! 🙂

  308.  #308blue rose on March 30, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    #263 Memulo

    the guy i’m crazy about forgot his underwear here. and i didn’t find it for like 3 days, it was under a pillow! how does someone forget underwear??

  309.  #309Daria on March 30, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    wow i notice i actually filled out some parts of that and i feel shocked and impressed by my level of clarity honesty and wisdom

  310.  #310Daria on March 30, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    oh here’s what i was talking about … went into moderation first cuz of the word bit*ch… most of it is the article and also some of my answers filled in


    ‘foudn this article in my old files… first time i understood what “passive agressive” meant cuz i looked it up

    What is passive aggressiveness?
    I act in a passive aggressive way when I:

    say I agree with something but don’t follow through because I really don’t agree with it.
    act opposite to what others are expecting.

    act one way, which is true to my inner feelings, yet say another.

    am angry but afraid to show my anger, so I quietly take my revenge by doing the opposite.

    What are the typical reactions to my passive aggressiveness?
    When people recognize my passive aggressiveness they:
    get angry

    are confused by my behavior.
    get frustrated by the inconsistency in my behavior.

    begin to do battle with me, resulting in a conflict greater than the one I originally tried to avoid.

    get upset and fly into a rage and this damages the relationship.

    feel challenged by me and in their competitive reaction become more adamant in seeking to achieve what I had originally verbally agreed to with them.
    What irrational thinking keeps me being passive aggressive when I disagree with others?
    There is no use in opposing them, they are much more powerful than I am.

    I never get anywhere by showing my anger openly.

    I will never “win” in this situation; why try?

    I’d rather back down right away to minimize the damages a fight could bring rather than tell people how I really feel about things.
    Feelings don’t count. It is better to deny my feelings than upset another person I am in disagreement with.
    How can I recognize when someone is being passive aggressive with me?
    I can tell that people are being passive aggressive with me when they:
    take every opportunity to “put me down” in a humorous or sarcastic way.

    demonstrate behavior inconsistent with their words.
    show a consistent pattern of exerting no effort toward improving our relationship.

    tend to patronize me and try to make me believe that I am just imagining problems between us.

    continue to deny that a problem exists when all the evidence points to the opposite.

    How can I confront a passive aggressive person?
    If others are being passive aggressive with me I can:
    point out the behavior that indicates passive aggressiveness on their part.

    point out the inconsistency between their words and actions.

    pay attention to their actions rather than their words, then give them feedback as to what their actions tell me about their feelings.

    ask for their true feelings reassuring them that there are no right or wrong feelings, and that it is OK to share negative feelings.

    ask them what has them so intimidated that they fear sharing their feelings with me.

    reassure them that we can reach a “win-win” solution in our communication if we are willing to compromise.

    defuse the competition in our relationship. It doesn’t matter “what” we are discussing as long as we respect how each of us “feels” about what we are discussing.

    remain open to any negative feelings they have and let them know this.

    begin to trust what they “do” rather than what they “say” and let them know that I am doing this.

    make myself more accessible to them.

    help them lessen their fear of rejection from me by reassuring them that I really do care.

    If I find myself being passive aggressive, how can I correct this?
    To avoid being passive aggressive with others I can:
    try to be assertive, open, and honest with my negative feelings or anger.
    warn people to “read” my behavior rather than my words if they want to know my feelings.

    confront myself with my inconsistent behavior and challenge myself to explain it.

    take the risk to confront my anger assertively and “on the spot” so that I can bring my behavior in line with my feelings.
    work at making my behavior consistent with my feelings.

    change the way I interact with people and make my relationships more honest.

    admit that I have been a liar.
    work at being more honest with people even if it results in a conflict.

    identify the irrational thinking that prevents me from confronting people when I am angry.

    learn how to become assertive with my negative feelings.

    accept that it is OK to have conflict and disagreement.

    learn to compromise and come to a “win-win” solution.
    Tools for Anger Work-Out

    Eliminating Passive Aggressiveness
    What is passive aggressiveness?
    What are the typical reactions to my passive aggressiveness?
    What irrational thinking keeps me being passive aggressive when I disagree with others?
    How can I recognize when someone is being passive aggressive with me?
    How can I confront a passive aggressive person?
    If I find myself being passive aggressive, how can I correct this?
    Why is it useful to eliminate my acting passive aggressive?
    Steps to eliminating being passive aggressive

    What is passive aggressiveness?
    I act in a passive aggressive way when I:
    hide my hostility by seeming to be nice to someone I dislike, and am unable to be honest with the person.
    say I agree with something but don’t follow through because I really don’t agree with it.
    act opposite to what others are expecting.
    quietly manipulate to get my own way after voicing a completely different opinion, just to keep the peace.
    seek revenge by agreeing and looking “good,” but never following through on my promises.
    tell people what they want to hear, even if I don’t believe in what I am saying.
    try to please people by agreeing to their plan of action, yet actually doing the opposite.
    act one way, which is true to my inner feelings, yet say another.
    am out of touch with my inner feelings; the only way to know how I feel about something is to observe my behavior, don’t trust my words.
    hate something or someone but am afraid of letting my true feelings show.
    feel pressured to act or believe in a certain way when I really don’t want to.
    avoid conflict at all cost by giving in to others, then procrastinate and never do what I agreed to do.
    am angry but afraid to show my anger, so I quietly take my revenge by doing the opposite.

    What are the typical reactions to my passive aggressiveness?
    When people recognize my passive aggressiveness they:
    are surprised.
    get disappointed.
    get angry.
    are confused by my behavior.
    confront me on my actions.
    realize that I lied to them.
    get frustrated by the inconsistency in my behavior.
    begin to do battle with me, resulting in a conflict greater than the one I originally tried to avoid.
    get upset and fly into a rage and this damages the relationship.
    no longer trust me.
    resent me for being dishonest.
    act in a similar way with me and our communication winds up at a standstill where neither of us “wins.”
    feel challenged by me and in their competitive reaction become more adamant in seeking to achieve what I had originally verbally agreed to with them.

    What irrational thinking keeps me being passive aggressive when I disagree with others?
    I must avoid an argument, fight or conflict at all costs.
    I never “win” in confrontation.
    There is no use in opposing them, they are much more powerful than I am.
    I must please people by telling them what they want to hear.
    I never get anywhere by showing my anger openly.
    It’s bad to get angry.
    No one wants to know how I feel.
    No one will understand how I feel.
    My problems are unique; I need to hide them since no one would understand.
    I am a loser and failure anyway; why try to defend my position?
    I will never “win” in this situation; why try?
    I enjoy seeing people get blown away by my agreeing with them and then my doing the opposite of what I agreed to do.
    I’d rather back down right away to minimize the damages a fight could bring rather than tell people how I really feel about things.
    It’s so hard to be honest with people about how I feel when what I feel is counter to what they want me to feel.
    It’s important for people to like and accept me and I say anything just so long as they like me.
    It’s not what I do or how I act that is important to people, it is what I say that influences them.
    People will never know I’m angry and disagree with them.
    I hide my feelings well from others.
    Feelings don’t count. It is better to deny my feelings than upset another person I am in disagreement with.
    I’d rather lie than get into an argument with someone.
    If I lie about how I feel, others will never know the truth.

    How can I recognize when someone is being passive aggressive with me?
    I can tell that people are being passive aggressive with me when they:
    always agree with my point of view, even when I am being narrow minded or blind to other alternatives.
    never disagree or argue with my point of view.
    take every opportunity to “put me down” in a humorous or sarcastic way.
    never confront me with their negative feelings.
    avoid discussions about unpleasant topics.
    are always cheerful and upbeat to my face; yet I hear from others how negative they are about me behind my back.
    “yes” me constantly never disagreeing with anything I say.
    consistently do the opposite of what I thought they agreed to do.
    withdraw or pull away from me whenever I confront them with my anger or negative feelings about them.
    deny that they have any problems with our relationship.
    talk about others in a negative or disparaging way, yet are nice and friendly to their faces.
    demonstrate behavior inconsistent with their words.
    make me feel foolish for expecting one thing from them when they deliver the opposite.
    make me believe I can count on them to do something for me but they never follow through.
    talk with fantasy and magical thinking about how they are going to change, yet the change never occurs.
    show a consistent pattern of exerting no effort toward improving our relationship.
    talk or act irrationally in dealing with a problem, as if it were very easy to overcome and correct.
    minimize the extent of the problems facing us in our relationship.
    tend to patronize me and try to make me believe that I am just imagining problems between us.
    continue to deny that a problem exists when all the evidence points to the opposite.

    How can I confront a passive aggressive person?
    If others are being passive aggressive with me I can:
    point out the behavior that indicates passive aggressiveness on their part.
    point out the inconsistency between their words and actions.
    pay attention to their actions rather than their words, then give them feedback as to what their actions tell me about their feelings.
    ask for their true feelings reassuring them that there are no right or wrong feelings, and that it is OK to share negative feelings.
    ask them what has them so intimidated that they fear sharing their feelings with me.
    reassure them that we can reach a “win-win” solution in our communication if we are willing to compromise.
    defuse the competition in our relationship. It doesn’t matter “what” we are discussing as long as we respect how each of us “feels” about what we are discussing.
    remain open to any negative feelings they have and let them know this.
    begin to trust what they “do” rather than what they “say” and let them know that I am doing this.
    make myself more accessible to them.
    help them lessen their fear of rejection from me by reassuring them that I really do care.

    If I find myself being passive aggressive, how can I correct this?
    To avoid being passive aggressive with others I can:
    try to be assertive, open, and honest with my negative feelings or anger.
    warn people to “read” my behavior rather than my words if they want to know my feelings.
    confront myself with my inconsistent behavior and challenge myself to explain it.
    take the risk to confront my anger assertively and “on the spot” so that I can bring my behavior in line with my feelings.
    work at making my behavior consistent with my feelings.
    change the way I interact with people and make my relationships more honest.
    admit that I have been a liar.
    work at being more honest with people even if it results in a conflict.
    identify the irrational thinking that prevents me from confronting people when I am angry.
    learn how to become assertive with my negative feelings.
    accept that it is OK to have conflict and disagreement.
    learn to compromise and come to a “win-win” solution.

    Why is it useful to eliminate my acting passive aggressive?
    By eliminating passive aggressiveness when I am angry I could:
    have deeper, more honest, and longer lasting relationships.
    feel less stress, anxiety and depression in my dealings with others.
    learn to be clear and consistent about my feelings.
    reassure others that they will no longer have to guess how I “really feel.”
    stop resorting to lies about my feelings.
    develop self-respect, self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth.
    have more energy because I would no longer be defending myself from “powerful, intimidating” people.
    have clarity of focus and purpose, working on the things I want rather than what others want for me.
    have fewer people venting their rage on me.
    experience a sense of harmony in my life.

    Steps to eliminating being passive aggressive
    Step 1: First, I must begin to recognize this behavior when it occurs. To do this, I will answer the following questions in my journal:
    A. What is my usual response when I disagree with someone who intimidates me?
    Be quiet, get choked up. Numb emotions.

    B. How do I feel when I am angry or upset with someone who intimidates me?
    I feel angry, my throat tightens. I feel afraid.

    C. How often do I agree with these people rather than confront them just to avoid conflict?
    I agree when I feel stuck.
    D. What benefits do I derive by avoiding confrontation?
    I avoid the possibility of a physical fight where I can get hurt. I avoid making that other person not want to be my friend
    E. What are my feelings after I have backed down from someone who intimidates me?
    I am very angry at myself.

    F. From whom have I backed down? How successful was this? How often did I go ahead with what I had planned, ignoring what these people wanted me to do? What usually resulted from my failure to follow through with my part of the plan?
    I have backed down from Jodi, Obi, Walt, Steezo, my dad. It was successful in that I didn’t get in a physical fight at the time, however I did get in a physical fight later sometimes. It was not successful in that the feelings were there to hurt me for a long time and it made me feel like shit. I did what I had planned anyway in the Jodi and Steezo case. They kept asking me to do the same thing still.
    Another time I didn’t say anything to that bi*tch Jenna Bent. It was unsuccessful because I should have said something and I was embarassed in front of Rajeev. I did say something about her later, so at least I felt better in that she heard about it and reacted the next day but I didn’t let her get to me this time.
    G. What do I do now after I’ve backed down from a disagreement? Am I still passive aggressive? How can I tell? What are the results? How often does this happen?
    Now I try to turn my anger at the other person into understanding. I am still passive aggressive because I don’t accept my anger and am afraid to express it. The results are those people still intimdate me in the future, and I sit and think about it. This happens Every TIME.
    H. Under what circumstances do I resort to passive aggressiveness?
    I do it when I have to say No to people. I am afraid they will think I’m selfish.

    I resort to it when I’m intimidated by the other person because I think they have power to hurt me socially, or I’m afraid they will not be my friend, or I’m afraid they’ll physically hurt me bad, or embarrass me by doing something to me physically.
    I. What is involved in these situations? Why do I resort to passive aggressiveness?
    Fear of another person. Fear of being hurt and getting my jaw smashed. Fear of losing a friend. I resort to it because I am afraid.
    J. What are the negative results of my passive aggressiveness?

    The problem tends to reappear. I beat myself up really badly about it for so long after. People think I’m a sucka.
    Step 2: If I find that I am resorting to passive aggressiveness, then I need help to recognize the negative impact it has in my life. To do this I will record the following exercise in my journal.
    My Passive Aggressive Ways
    Write a story about five separate incidents during which I acted passive aggressive. In each story, detail:
    When it happened.
    With whom it happened.
    What I was angry about or over what we disagreed.
    Why I was intimidated.
    What I did later to show I was being passive aggressive.
    The reasons I acted the way I did.
    How others reacted to my passive aggressive behaviors.
    How others confronted me on how I was acting.
    What they told me about my behavior and how they felt about it.
    The final outcome of the situation.
    Step 3: I am now ready to confront my past passive aggressiveness and ways I could change it. Complete the following exercise:
    The Other Side of the Story
    Write a sequel to each of the five stories from Step 2. In each sequel include:
    What I did differently when I first recognized that I was angry or had negative feelings.
    How I honestly confronted my feelings as being different from my behavior.
    How I made sure that my actions were consistent with my expressed feelings.
    How I gave others permission to “call me on it” if I deviated from my expressed feelings.
    How others handle my being assertive with my anger and/or negative feelings.
    How we resolved the conflict or disagreement that resulted.
    The impact this confrontation had on our relationship.
    How the stress and anxiety of intimidation and power games was eliminated from our relationship.
    How I felt about learning to handle my anger and/or disagreements in a healthy way.
    The benefits of my being direct and assertive in confronting my anger and/or negative feelings with others.

    Friday, 30 March 2012 @ 6:26pm

  311.  #311Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    LOL Blue Rose!!

  312.  #312Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    OMG blue rose!!

    I was about to say how funny it is that someone left your place without his underwear…

    And I am chatting with a guy (who’s definitely just a friend now) I was seeing last summer… and he said “we have to do something soon… I still have a ring and an underwear that belongs to you here”.

    Hahaha I feel so embarassed!

  313.  #313Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Hahaha omg he said it’s a joke!

    Eeeeeeee!!! I got really scared!

  314.  #314Memulo on March 30, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Jilly #303,

    When is he coming back?

    I know girl, I went for drinks with a gfriend and she was asking a lot of questions about SmartCD. I was foolish enough to tell her that I met someone wonderful like 2 months ago. Since then avoided any questions (answers really) which was easy to do over text/email, but tonight it was just her and me , though I thought it was supposed to be a bigger gathering. These questions were like bullets – how old is he, where does he live, what does he do, did I meet his friends, does he take me out on Sat nights. Never mind that I said several times I don’t want to talk about it, questions just wouldn’t stop. She wanted to know his name (!) – of course I am not disclosing it. For some reason she was calling him ‘x’ boyfriend. I said we are not calling each other that yet and she switched to ‘x’ prefix, like a ‘semi’ thing. I just said I was feeling tired and rushed home. She has a husband, but I just hope she doesn’t meet SmartCD, who knows what she will be telling him – she is very smart too and she doesn’t give up.

  315.  #315Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Sirenity I did not pack down with anything or anyone. The tone and style of writing seemed similar and that was my first impression so when I saw the suggestion I realized I was not the only one who had it so I commented. I am known for being outspoken and usually stand out. I don’t need a pack to speak my mind. Which is one of my strengths that some people can’t handle and one of the reasons I came to the blog to learn how to honor that part of myself while giving people the space to be themselves also.

  316.  #316Femininewoman on March 30, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Lizka I am surprised he did not discard them. That could be trouble if he has a girlfriend and she found it in his place.

  317.  #317Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Lol FW, don’t worry, he was making fun of me. He only has my ring. 🙂

  318.  #318blue rose on March 30, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    #312: Lizka

    that’s funny!

    okay, more than anyone on here wants to know, but a guy i was seeing years ago stole my underwear. i didn’t believe him until he came over a few days later and pulled them out of his backpack.

    that relationship didn’t last long. i’m have a low tolerance for underwear theft 🙂

  319.  #319Daria on March 30, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    Sirenity it feels terrible to see sirens being judged that way – the rugby comment – and the fakeness of the “i love” sarcam

    it would feel so great if you toook your own advice and healed your triggers and expressed your feleings around this rather than judgements defenses

    i personally felt bullied by spiral’s post… but i didnt’ attack her not once. High 5 daria.

    im feleing really mad though reading your posts and i will call in for rori if i keep feeling attacked

    i appreciate your concern for all sirens here and it would feel great to read sirens being spoken to with non – blame respect and feeling messages as is the intention and practice of the blog

  320.  #320Daria on March 30, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    grrr i feel disappointed and frutrated… i feel shut down and closed off and like im talking from a wall and my head…

    and it doesnt feel good

    i want to feel loved and loving and open

    i feel sad!!!!!!


  321.  #321Daria on March 30, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    Sorry sirenity for coming at you like a moving wall…

    the truth is i feel sad and angry reading those comments and… i dont want to feel that way

    i wish we could all feel good right now

    im sorry you felt bad for spiral

    i felt really upset reading her posts, and i felt closed off

    i efel like im whinining and explaining now

    i feel sad and innefectual, i feel kinda powerless and scared of being staemrolled and attacked

    feels sad

    i dont want to engage in this anymore

    feels sad to see sirens attacked booooo 🙁

    i dont want to see that

    i can skip the posts…

    jus feeling sad

  322.  #322Turquoise on March 30, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    Yeah Lizka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so impressed!!!! I’m wondering if I should start looking for a new job. There isn’t much room to grow at my current one, but it’s so close to home, I love that. It can’t hurt to see what else is out there right? The place you want to live sounds amazing and like there would be lots of people there to get to know and socialize with~!

    I didn’t have any plans for tonight except to clean, but I felt bored with that and wanted to enjoy my free evening, so I went shopping and bought a really cute dress for the wedding shower Sunday. It’s long, slinky, dark purple fabric with sort of a ribbon or the fabric making a floral type pattern on the bodice. It’s so super cute and when I was pulling dresses off the rack, I said… I am going to find the perfect dress. This looks great, fits perfect, and best part, it was on clearance for $10.99!!!! I had other dresses in the cart that were over $60.00, but didn’t like them as much. I also got the girls each these little camping chairs that I couldn’t find at Target earlier today, a bath brush, some special shampoo, soaps and lotion and this HUGE diamond paperweight. I love diamonds. I want more diamonds. I’m going to make a universe box too, quite excited for that. My diamond might sit on top of my universe box. Mel, I love your universe box with post its and a paperclip box. Universe doesn’t care if it’s pretty, just that it’s out there. 🙂

    I am not doing good at leaning back with C. But it’s wierd, seems the more attention I pay to him, the more he gives me. He called me tonight, filled me in on a bunch of stuff, told me his plans, where he was headed, when he’ll be in, how long he’s staying, (which some of this he’d emailed me) but he was being really friendly and open. Told me to have a good night, talk to me tomorrow…. so I don’t know what to think. He’s told me many times the phone works both ways. Maybe leaning forward when our vibe is good doesn’t feel icky to them.

    Daria, I laughed at the badger too….lol. I’d be a cat like Starla… a spoiled little flame point himalayan with ice blue eyes like my cat Belle, or a blue cream persian with golden eyes like my Sabrina. They just laze around, sleep… stretch and demand to be petted. Such lucky little girls. 🙂

  323.  #323Daria on March 30, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    sorry Sirenity for my whole tone and push away vibe 🙁

  324.  #324Turquoise on March 30, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Oh and Ohio guy has been texting today. His last one told me I was so cute and sexy, I just replied…. I’m blushing, lol. He’s at a concert with a friend in Pittsburgh.

    Starla, everything is going to be ok. I’m sorry you are hurting and wish I could do something to help. If I was your mama, I’d ask you to tell me what’s wrong, give lots of hugs, and then sit with you and watch a movie, stroking your hair and sending my love back in to fill you up, until you went to sleep. I hope you are having a good time with your friend!

  325.  #325Daria on March 30, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    hey ladies… where do we go to log in online to love scripts? i can’t remember how to find mine…

  326.  #326Lizka on March 30, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    So Day 11 is over. I still haven’t lean forward with ATW, which was the main goal of the Challenge, but I admit I have some tweaking to do with other guys amd friends. Starting tomorrow, I’m going back to 100% leaning back mode and will focus on me only.

    Tomorrow I’ll go to the yoga class and than will do my jogging and cleaning. No one has invite me to go out yet so I might just spend the night with myself but I’m still open to last minute plans if one comes up.

    For now, I’m gonna end my Day 11 with a little bit of reading and I’ll go dream of my pool on the roof top.

    Good night wonderful sirens… xoxo

  327.  #327Turquoise on March 30, 2012 at 8:38 pm


    I’m thinking of you as I watch an episode of Little House on the Prairie! 🙂 Whoo hoo, I’m having a BIG Friday night! lol. I love it though, we had a big storm, I have the fireplace going…. pets are sitting with me and I finally ate some dinner. I feel so safe and happy. Hugs to you all!

  328.  #328GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Well, NSM came over tonight & *apologized*. And it was a long, detailed, engaged apology (which to his credit are the only kind he ever does, *when* he apologizes, which he doesnt do ime unless he sees he really did something amiss, and has gotten past his triggers). I took responsibility for my part too, which was easy, as i`d made an obvious though understandable mistake that set him off and I said I`d`ve said that at the time easily if I hadn`t gone into freeze-mode bc of his sharp & dominating reaction. Well, goodwill prevails once again. And fwiw, I knew he was missing me last night cuz I could totally *feel* the knowing of it on the Psychic Soul Link, lol :} Goodwill is what I want right now. And this was good practice. I leaned back pretty awesomely tonight.

  329.  #329Daria on March 30, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    found em! 😀

  330.  #330GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    #169 – 172 (((((light heart))))) Wow, I”m having trouble getting comments to post with my phone tonight. So many of you I want to respond to. Hope to get online tomorrow… went down hill to town today but not enuf time to sit in cafe & log on. Good day though. May not try & post more tonight, ak. Frustrating, but though I imagine Rori may post a new thread tomorrow, I`ll speak my thoughts on this one anyway, if anyone`s interested. XOXOX (((((((SIRENS)))))) 😀

  331.  #331Brenda on March 30, 2012 at 9:14 pm


    327 – Thanks for thinking of me! I got pooped at the conference, too many hours sitting in a tight, hot room. I spent the whole evening laying, sitting, sleeping, and watching Little House in bed in the hotel! It felt really good and was physically necessary, even tho I felt bad missing part of the conference.

    At least tomorrow I’ll be fresh, and I just took a shower. I miss my pets. My neighbor texted me just to let me know they are all right.

  332.  #332GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    #296 Sirenity, it`s okay for me to say that i think something. I`m not interested in censoring myself 😉 My thoughts & my expression of them are okay by me, and I feel very very good about them. And fwiw I would not find it triggering if someone said they thought I was someone else, bc of writing style & similar opinions & similar-sounding triggers, or any other reason. What others think of me is none of my business. It`s about them, not about me. I thought you were Spiral. That was an honest statement from me. If you think I`m something or someone, I welcome you to say it here or anywhere. It`s your business imo. This is free space 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  333.  #333GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    #294 Daria, this is *awesome*! I had a convo around money w an amazing woman here today, kinda w a bit of a similar idea… she would love this! She may be moving next door to me in a month or so. Would you feel okay if I shared this post with her perhaps? She`d vibe your thoughts. No pressure.

  334.  #334LoveAlways on March 30, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    I am in the pits, but this is good.
    The goddess in me demands that I work to show her inside and out

  335.  #335GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 10:36 pm

    #310 Daria This is totally fantastic imo. This is the kind of thing that we`d put in our community files for people to read & use. Do you know who wrote it? (or did I miss that part?)

  336.  #336GingerSky on March 30, 2012 at 10:41 pm

    Starla, how are you? I`m looking for comments from you tonight. I`m glad I can post again on my phone:)

  337.  #337Starla on March 30, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    i typed a lot about what happened with cf tonight but then started to annoy myself with how long it was getting. i guess i’ll type more tomorrow.

    but i feel much better:)

    and i bought two AWESOME dresses. really cute and so me. and SHORT. i want to show more of these beautiful legs in my life

  338.  #338light heart on March 30, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    OK, ladies, a client of mine inspired me tonight to step it up on the online dating, so I went and spruced up my profile, un-hid it, and had a wonderful IM chat with the first guy who popped up, he was really a dream with a clue! I stuck to this feels good, and that would feel great, etc., and keeping it light and breezy, and when he gave me his phone number I gave him mine and said I’d prefer the man calls first, and then I left the chat first, leaving him wanting more!! Yeah, baby
    And we have quite a lot in common. So i bet I hear from him. Cause I felt sad today feeling that maybe I never really mattered to x, but I got over it quick, because I matter to me, and that’s the most important thing, that, and, never lose your child-like innocence….

    light heart

  339.  #339GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 12:00 am

    Today I felt alive & in harmony. It has taken a lot of attentive work toward undoing triggers & judgments & old habits & spiritually aligning myself with Creator more… not perfectly but more. I got rides, rode bus, paid gym bill in person w cash, had great talks w great people, cooked a big meal for myself tonight, cleaned my messy kitchen from me & mhy sweet boy housemate, listened to good records on his old stereo w *incredible* big old speakers, walked, received apology from NSM & gave same, made decisions, felt goodwill 🙂 & talked w Beloved Ex a lot, ate carob chips mixed w peanut butter chips (my favorite) and more. Lol, now GingerSky is going to be a cat badger under her covers & go to sleep, with comments to Sirens dancing like spring sugarplums unwritten in her head. I am praying for my bff as her bird escaped while she was on a long trip & may probably never be found again. She is outside right now at her friend`s house shouting into the treetops for it. She has had it a very long time. Am also praying for someone I love who`s an addict to not relapse. And also for my brother who has toiled long & hard & is now opening a new church in a ghetto suburb area od South Chicago this weekend in a neighborhood where they`ve had at least 5 kids killed in gang violence… they want to help gang kids return to their innocence. I have totem animals of turkey vulture, wren, vole, dragonfly & others… and am working some serious groundhog medicine right now… hence sleeping lots & well (w covers over my head)! Congratulations on your job, Lizka! (?) 😀 FW you are brilliant. Starla, you are loved & you can whine all you want, we love you & your whining isnt whining imo, it`s *healing*. Every one of you is in my mind-heart tonight & that feels good & is giving me good dreams already beginning. as soft rain falls here… I have a hawk family in my backyard… I never had or ever seen that before, omg, they`re *amazing*… I may dream tonight of Sirens as dignified animals like in one of those beautiful old paintings of all the animals gathered together in one accord.

  340.  #340GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 12:04 am

    One of the new & *amazing* women here (we`re getting more women around the community at last! Maybe some will stay awhile) told me a wise person told her a quote from a book, “You need to let your lion lay down with your lamb.” Like, let the strong & possibly defended parts of ourself lay down with the gentle, vunlerable & possibly victimy parts. I like that. Peace, all.

  341.  #341GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 12:10 am

    #338 (((light heart))) Yeah, baby! Every word of your comment is yeah to me… right on!

  342.  #342GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 12:15 am

    #337 Starla, right in time I see your comment 🙂 It feels really good to know that you feel better… so I`d ask you to please love my Siren friend Starla very well bc she deserves it, lol! You made me feel *tons* better… & I`m sending you good thoughts & energy… sleep well! You are awesome.

  343.  #343Starla on March 31, 2012 at 12:25 am

    gingersky, i feel so touched reading your comment, thank you:)

  344.  #344Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 1:00 am

    Ick. Feeling bad still about the fact that TH is planning his overseas trip with his buddies.

    Meanwhile, my sister’s going to Thailand with her man (they only met last year), my niece is also going to Thailand with her man (they met like a MONTH ago), my gf is going for her second trip overseas with her man later this year, and another girl at work is doing the same thing with her man (they’ve been together only a year or so).

    It’s really making me wonder if TH is only hanging around as a means to bide his time until something he perceives to be better comes along…?

    I suppose I am used to being with guys who want to do stuff with ME! Am I expecting too much???

    He’s in a cranky mood right now so I’m not going to bring it up just yet. Maybe later. I really do need to get this off my chest…. 🙁

  345.  #345Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:01 am

    Ginger Sky – i googled the first few sentences and found this article … though i actually had this piece from a site way before the date of the article…

    but it also includes step 4

  346.  #346Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:05 am

    Ginger Sky – sure you can share with your friend…

    she might also like this and this woman about treating money as a man…

    i found it tonite..

  347.  #347Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:12 am

    Butterfly Wings that would feel awful… my dad would not be going on a trip with his buddies without my mom… but he does encourage HER to go with HER friends!

  348.  #348Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 1:25 am

    I think that the only way I’m going to feel better about this is if I plan my own trip after I’ve told him how I feel.

    I probably can’t go overseas though (not enough money saved yet), but I could maybe travel north and spend a few days sunning myself and just relaxing maybe….

  349.  #349Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 1:26 am

    You know, sometimes I just wish I was single and didn’t have to worry about this cr@p… :-\

  350.  #350Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 1:34 am

    He’s mad at me now. Because when he wanted to go for a walk I was in the middle of something and needed 5 minutes. WTH???!!!!

    Honestly, I’m sure he’s got PMS!

  351.  #351Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:41 am

    Butterfly Wings i wonder why you tolerate all this feel bad stuff and drama

  352.  #352Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:43 am

    maybe u think u wont fidn better

    or since you are wary of marriage now that a committed relationship is supposed to be crappy and feel less than a marriage

    feels sad

    i feel angry reading about it actually


  353.  #353Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 1:44 am

    Oh I’m not “tolerating” it. I’ll be talking to him about it later, after my daughter has gone to bed. There’s a time and a place and now is definitely NOT the time…

    Things have been so great lately, so I’m wondering if he’s picked up on my icky vibe. I’ve not yet told him how unhappy I feel about the trip yet and it’s eating at me…so maybe he’s unconsciously picking up on that…

  354.  #354Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:47 am

    you dont even share finances but are committed…feels so like demeaning to me

    theres like no way for this to grow cuz the foundation of what a woman wants and the vision for happily ever after is not in place…

    teh guy has nothing to lead you too, so he’s just gona flap around doing his thing

    i feel glad you have people around you that are receiving better treatment so at least you have some perspective that you’re getting less and tolerating crumbs

    for no reason at all it seems to me.

    it seems that as soon as you set some real boundaries, this man would feel THRILLED to meet them and have a woman in his life who actually cares about herself to inspire him

  355.  #355Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:49 am

    you dont even share finances but are committed…feels so like demeaning to me

    theres like no way for this to grow cuz the foundation of what a woman wants and the vision for happily ever after is not in place…

    teh guy has nothing to lead you too, so he’s just gona flap around doing his thing

    i feel glad you have people around you that are receiving better treatment so at least you have some perspective that you’re getting less and tolerating crumbs

    for no reason at all it seems to me – having it all is only llike a step away

    it seems that as soon as you set some real boundaries, this man would feel THRILLED to meet them and have a woman in his life who actually cares about herself to inspire him

  356.  #356Daria on March 31, 2012 at 1:50 am

    its not just that Butterfly Wings… its the trip… and .. Everything

    you deserve better from yourself. htis man can give it to you if you just require it

    thats all

    i feel sad

    maybe im talking and preaching to cover up my sadness

  357.  #357Silver Moonbeam on March 31, 2012 at 4:08 am

    Emerson from the last thread.

    I have never heard of Rori saying to wear a pearl bracelet, that’s a lovely idea and I am going to make myself one this weekend, thank you for sharing. 🙂

  358.  #358Silver Moonbeam on March 31, 2012 at 4:09 am

    I feel sad about TH going away for a holiday without you BW, and I don’t like he bought you all those dresses to soften the blow………..

    Hoping the “talk” goes well.

  359.  #359Silver Moonbeam on March 31, 2012 at 4:10 am


    I’m a little late catching up, but big {{{{{{ HUGS }}}}} to you from the UK. I am sooo sorry you had such an awful mum.

  360.  #360Silver Moonbeam on March 31, 2012 at 4:12 am

    I can’t open the Alanna Pratt page either, it just freezes halfway down the page, yet the bottom of the page says done, but you can’t click onto any of it. Daria maybe you can let Rori know that lot’s of us seem to have trouble accessing the page……..

  361.  #361Silver Moonbeam on March 31, 2012 at 4:36 am


    Warm, soft, different colours and sizes, glowing, unique, expensive, wild or cultured, all beautiful every one of us, soft on the outside but strong on the inside. 😀

    A Siren’s natural birthstone must be a pearl as it’s produced out of a shell on the soft, warm sandy beach here in the little known Hawaiian Island of Sirens where the beautiful Sirens frolic and play in the warm Pacific waters.

  362.  #362Femininewoman on March 31, 2012 at 5:04 am

    BW I feel bad about reading about what is happening. I have been feeling off since you wrote about those 7 dresses because I believe that has been a pattern for him that you have not acknowledged yet. It seems he knows he can buy you things to what he wants. I even feel a bit off balance about that talk you want to initiate now.

  363.  #363Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Good morning
    I am on my fifth day of leaning back and I really slept well two nights in a row. I feel lonely a little and restless and it is going to be challenging not to lean forward in my thoughts to my crush, since i am here in my apt and the village, organizing the bottle drive in town for fundraising for the OM trip and working on getting my financial life together and he will be in his office, but i told myself that i will not be spending time thinking about him and that i will be creating space for myself to earn more money and taking care of myself feels much better these days, like i feel inspired the same way i feel inspired to take care of my son….whoa that is wild, but i just realized that i have felt more inspired taking care of my husband, my son or my parents than mySELF…..but maybe because of this awesome LIZKA challenge and this blog and all the work i have been doing, I will start to see that taking care of myself is totally inspiring….
    well, keep me in your thoughts today, sirens, and it will help me not to impulsively reach out to that crush……
    i am building my own sirenness and my financial foundation today.
    thanks for thinking of me and vibing good thougths to me when you read this….
    it is really important, it seems small but it is actually probably one of the hugest things i have ever done.

  364.  #364Sassy on March 31, 2012 at 5:13 am

    SMB-I love that pearl description! My mom gave me her strand of freshwater pearls that my dad gave her many years ago when they were in Hawaii. I’ve never worn them, but they are beautiful, just like all of us sirens.
    Last nite (well actually at 1:30 am) JT texted me. I ignored it, then he texted again at 3:30 or 4:30 or something. I ignored it again and deleted them this morning. I’m over being used and taken for granted. I deserve to be treated well. It’s time for me!!!
    Much love

  365.  #365Brenda on March 31, 2012 at 5:47 am

    I feel so happyyyyy!

  366.  #366Lizka on March 31, 2012 at 6:26 am

    GO Day 5 Healing Waterfall!!!

    And Go Day 12 Lizka…

    But I woke up feeling weird and sad and wondering why ATW is not making the effort. Was this relationship reconnection all in my head?

    13 Days ago (I started the challenge the next day), we met to talk about our situation and I told him my boundary of no sex and we discussed and we agreed we need space before reconnecting but that we can keep dating without sex…

    And at some point we talked about the frequency he calls me and I told him it feels bad to have so less contact and he agreed…

    ANd in 12 days, I haven’t contact him ONCE, I gave him all the space and even in my thoughts I was pretty much leaning back most of the time…

    And we saw each other at Day 5, than no contact until Day 9 when he told me he was inspired by me following my passion and he will do the same. Since then (3 days), no news. No explanation either about his new fantastic passionate plan…

    Like I really believe he doesn’t give a sh*t about it. He said he understands that I need more contact… So why only one very short contact in 1 week? Why can’t he just take his phone once in a while and say “hi”. He KNOWS it’s gonna make me so happy, so why doesn’t he do it? It must really don’t care about my happiness… Otherwise he would step up just a little, no?

    Leaning back on this Day 12 feels so impossible… like I want to call him and scream and shake him WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS??? Really, if he doesn’t want me in his life, why doesn’t his SAY it instead of letting me work on it alone?


    Crying and big heart here… 🙁

  367.  #367Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 6:29 am

    I wonder if it’s ok to lean fwd a little and send him a link to a very cute cartoon? I know the baby is with him till tonight and he played with a toy character from this cartoon at my house, without knowing where it’s coming from.

  368.  #368lilybelle on March 31, 2012 at 6:35 am


    No leaning forward, of any kind, Lizka. Not even a cute cartoon. And the reason I say this is because you have angst surrounding this right now and are not in no expectation mode.

    Sweetie, this leaning back with him isn’t to “get” him to do something, it isn’t to “make” him come back…it isn’t designed to do any of that. The sole purpose of Rori’s tools are FOR you to find YOUR happy. That is my interpretation of it and by giving him so much thought…it is making you miserable. I would toss him on the back of my horse and move forward..

    I want you to think about the last few rock star days you had.. how effortlessly the new job came as soon as you put your mind to it, took the focus off ATW and put it on YOUR needs. Remember how you felt?

    Focus on YOUR life, your happy and do not lean forward with him.

    I believe in you!

  369.  #369Lizka on March 31, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Thank you Universe.

    I was feeling lonely, and you sent me this girl friend with tickets for TWO cosmetics sales (where everything is 2$!!!) for today !!


  370.  #370lilybelle on March 31, 2012 at 6:40 am

    And the not leaning forward thing is hard to break.. I know but now, I am the Queen of not leaning forward…ever.

    I will also tell you, when you meet a step up man, you won’t ever have to worry about contacting him…he will do it all. And then, all you have to do is melt and be open.

    You will even get texts that say something like this.. (mine from this morning that Harley sent me..)

    ..have I told you how beautiful you are lately? If not, I’m sorry. You are special and I want you to feel that way…

    I PROMISE you this, Lizka.

  371.  #371Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Hi Lizka
    Lillibelle is right. You are going to have a great life.
    I don’t know why he is not contacting you and we just don’t know what he is thinking. But we know that he is not and that you have a ton of things going for you. And you would feel bad if you called him…..
    hang in there and i know just how you feel.
    i am feeling the same way….crush told me how much he wants to spend time with me and it doesn’t really matter that it is tax season, he is not working 24/7….he could contact me, but he is not. so actions speak louder than words….and so i am going to meditate now and i am going to take care my finances and build myself a life that is dependent on me not anyone else….
    have you scheduled your massage yet?
    go celebrate!

  372.  #372MsTerry on March 31, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Hi there sirens, I wondedered if any of you could help me out with a problem. I am feeling very sorry for myself at the moment. I rarely connect in a physical way enough with anybody to have or want a relationship with them. Is there something wrong with me? I am nearly 40.

  373.  #373lilybelle on March 31, 2012 at 6:49 am

    And Lizka, you have been doing an amazing job of not contacting him. I feel so proud of you!

    And Healing Waterfall, you are right. I am HUGE on actions over words…that is how I measure how I feel about a man.. He can tell me all the pretty words he wants to but unless his actions meet up..they are just that, pretty words.

    When the two match up…WOW!

  374.  #374Lizka on March 31, 2012 at 6:50 am

    Oh thank you Lilybelle.

    I will keep this advice in mind. But I am already feeling better. I’m gonna go spend in cosmetics!!

  375.  #375lilybelle on March 31, 2012 at 6:55 am

    That’s our girl. You so have this and I just want you to know that I am steady cheering you on!

  376.  #376Lizka on March 31, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Wow thanks Lilybelle and HW. Your messages feel really good and are cheering me up. You are right. I have great things happening in my life right now, the job, my two vacation weeks, more money than usual coming up… I will focus on these good things.

    Thank you for your help!!

  377.  #377Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 7:23 am

    Thinking that just a cartoon without any outcome attached should be alright.

    On the other hand it feels so cool that I don’t contact him first…

  378.  #378Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Hi Memulo,
    you can always send it to him after he contacts you….it will feel better.

    I am feeling a little chaotic here organizing the bottle drive, but not having a truck….
    so i am just now sitting down to meditate.
    But i had to report and this is so huge for me,
    i have not looked out the window to see if crush’s lights are on in his office…
    i really feel resolved today to make my life work first.
    i feel really proud, i just am focussed, i am going to apply for that part time job at the dog daycare down the street, maybe it will just fit into my schedule and let me have a no stress job that gives me extra money
    and then i will also apply for the tutor registry and maybe i will get some jobs as a tutor.
    and reapply for insurance and pay my credit card and bills and work out.
    it will be a busy day and i don’t have time to go chasing down or leaning forward….
    hey turquoise, i feel such a shift in your space, and this CD sounds intruiging that keeps texting you.

  379.  #379Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Ladies I never ended up meeting NewCD yesterday. I had not heard back about finalizing plans for our date, so I leaned forward and said I was not sure where we were meeting, etc…

    He wrote back that he didnt call me because work was busy (yawn, I’m soo over that excuse from people) and then he still did not specify a time to meet and made the time later…even thought I had told him my schedule was tight. AND he took a long time to get back to me anyway.

    And you know how I feel about texting. so by that point I was just feeling fed up and turned off so I told him we need to reschedule because my schedule doesn’t work with that time, and it feels tiring texting back and forth about making plans etc. and reschedule for another time when we have set plans ahead of time. I also sent another text that said Ifeel disappointed because I was looking forward to it.

    No reply.

    Needless to say, I feel completely fed up and annoyed and angry and out of patience for this kind of crap.

  380.  #380Starla on March 31, 2012 at 8:10 am

    i feel a little sad:(. after everything, i doubt cf will come this weekend. i need hugs and physical touch to feel connected. but i have to just accept what is and open myself up to life and all of love’s possibilities, even if it’s not with him. but i wish it were him right now:(

    ah i am crying

    i am trying to be strong here and not let my life fall apart over a man but it feels lonely and wrong, like my heart is broken a little bit…but i will be okay…if not him, someone else is bound to come along. i am a lucky girl….luck always finds me.

    but i want it to be him:(

    i want him to love me and desire me as much as i love and desire him

    and i think the best way to show love to both of us right now was for me to back off my request for more time and just go back to how it was before with the no gf speech, as i’m not settling and being understanding doesn’t mean settling.

    so that’s what i did and i do feel much much better.

    and i feel lonely and heartbroken right now but surely i will be okay.

    and so i am freaking out momentarily here, because i don’t know how such a simple request turned into something so awful, and why he wants to just stay in negative mode and not lead us somewhere better, as i left the negativity behind but he isn’t ready for that…i guess he wants to spend time being upset.

    ohh ladies!! i felt so strong and i guess i do still feel strong but i love him and i feel like my heart is breaking a little bit this morning. all i wanted were more hugs and kisses and out of all this talking about it, here i am, feeling lonely and unwanted and unhuggable and unloveable and it’s not his fault but it’s how i feel:(

    and it feels good to have a good cry about it because i can’t carry this pain around forever

  381.  #381lilybelle on March 31, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Oh Starla…if you were here or I was there, I would hug you tight.

  382.  #382Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 8:16 am


    ooohhh, how dissappointing that must feel…..
    i know how you feel about him…..

  383.  #383Starla on March 31, 2012 at 8:18 am

    he just wanted to talk more and more about his negative feelings. i just snapped and stopped caring about seeing him more. not at that price. so i gave him the no gf thing, but i feel defeated:( because i still want to see him and i still want his hugs:(

    i don’t want anyone else:(


    it’s okay sweet girl

    it’s okay to make mistakes

    it’s okay to need hugs

    it’s okay to cry and cry

    and i’m going to get some water like daria always recommends for our crying.

    love to me love to everyone love to this planet love to cf love to his parents love to my parents love to the universe, i know i am love, pure love, so why do i feel so sad?

    i’m a lonely girl in this world=/

  384.  #384light heart on March 31, 2012 at 8:20 am

    360: Silver Moonbeam says:



    Thanks to you and Emerson for sharing,
    I think there’s a pearl bracelet around here

    light heart

  385.  #385Starla on March 31, 2012 at 8:25 am

    i mean his negative feelings associated with my request to spend more time and the fight that we had about it…

    i hope he feels better soon too

    ohh sweet starla, i love you and i’m sorry you’re hurting so bad this morning

  386.  #386Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 8:25 am

    i finished meditating and it was a visualization i listened
    to and the teacher talked about 2nd chakra and emotions and passion….and owning the 2nd chakra for tuning into our own emotions, not other people’s. I really felt so much calmer….
    and now i am going to go pay my bills and apply for those two jobs and get a little workout in
    and i just want a step up kind of man like Lillibelle manifested….who knows, maybe it could be my crush, but i just want to leave it open that i can bring in a guy who i will feel emotions and passion for.

    and who will want to spend time with me….
    that is key, the spend time with me part….

  387.  #387light heart on March 31, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Feminine Woman,
    I love how you are interacting with your son
    and your intentions
    what lovely goddess mother energy

    I hear so many women say that their husband
    is like having another kid,

    maybe it’s true that they are always like
    little boys in some ways, and will always
    need a little ‘mothering’, but not too much,
    of course, to take the romance out

    even my client said, she has to tell him what
    to do around the house and stuff, but it was
    in a very endearing way she said it, and it made
    it feel endearing to me, too, i really do love
    men so much

    light heart

  388.  #388light heart on March 31, 2012 at 8:27 am

    ((((((((GingerSky))))))) 🙂

    thank you

    light heart

  389.  #389Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 8:28 am


  390.  #390Starla on March 31, 2012 at 8:28 am

    i’m really tempted to call him right now and say, “i’m so tired and sad from all the fighting, it would feel really good if you’d come down tomorrow or tonight and i could feel your arms around me again…what do you think?”

  391.  #391Starla on March 31, 2012 at 8:38 am

    i called my friend that recently moved out of my place instead:) but she didn’t answer. she’s likely to call back though.

    gawd i hate feeling like if i ask for what i need when i need it from CF that it somehow HURTS us.

  392.  #392Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Starla I am so sorry.

    I don’t know what the best thing is to do, but I feel your pain. I have so been there. I’m not in the soup as they call it…but I feel I could be at any moment when I think about Recycled too much. I still hold a torch for him even tho I try to CD others. It’s so hard.
    I know what you mean about saying you want him to love and desire you. I feel the same. And it hurts when they don’t come around to make it all ok so we will feel better. So that leaves it to ourselves to make us feel better.

    Perhaps pamper yourself for a bit today, (I know that sounds trite) take a bath and get your nails done….those things always make me feel a teeny bit better.

  393.  #393Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 8:41 am

    I’m sorry you are crying Starla and feeling sad. 🙁

  394.  #394Starla on March 31, 2012 at 8:43 am

    my friend and i now have plans for after i go to class

    which i suppose i will freaking go to, even though i have no desire whatsoever.

  395.  #395Starla on March 31, 2012 at 8:45 am

    she was actually down the block when i called, which is funny cuz she lives miles away…so i guess the universe always has a hug available to me. and then i realized i had no time for hugs, lol, i have to get in the shower and go to class really really soon.

  396.  #396Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 8:46 am

    Yay Starla…that is good…not to be alone.

    I hope your day gets better.

  397.  #397light heart on March 31, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Oh Starla, sweetie, I feel ya
    This could just be a bumpy part of the road for you and CF
    or, he could be the one who, by not being there to match your vibration, makes it much more clear to you what you want and deserve and will not settle less for…this part he plays makes him SOoooo attractive to you…
    sometimes…and I am not saying this is the case, only a possibility,,,, that is what they are there for, and because they strengthen our desire, we want them to be IT, but, for whatever larger reason, most likely nothing to do with YOU, they can’t

    I hope you’ll focus on your other passions to take this edge off…and to be good to yourself….and do them for their own sake, because you love them so much…..which is what makes you so attractive to him!

    light heart

  398.  #398Starla on March 31, 2012 at 9:03 am

    thank you ladies

    it felt good to cry and let some of it out

    and i keep contemplating skipping chinese class… it would really hurt my grade but then again i am just taking it for fun.

    and maybe i should just go and do things normally, but i hate that class:P.

  399.  #399CurvySiren10 on March 31, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Starla, I hope your day gets better and your friend provides some solace from your sadness. I also hope you make it to Chinese class, for the distraction if nothing else.

    I’m not sure how this cf story will ultimately be written, but for whatever reason, he’s choosing to make it very complicated right now. He may be scared due to his intense feelings, his fears of being able to take care of you financially etc. It could just be a big a$$ rubberbanding episode…OR it could be him demonstrating that he can’t be the step up guy that Starla needs, wants and deserves.

    Time will tell, but for now just keep taking care of yourself as you do SO well. You are SO strong and SO smart… just keep feeling what you feel, hold your boundaries…. and the rest will be revealed with time. ((Hugs))

  400.  #400Luzydel on March 31, 2012 at 9:41 am

    I am feeling inward today…it is cloudy and while in the bathroom I cried. I felt angry! I never said things I should have said, sometimes I just get stuck and don’t say anything and later on I realize I should have said something. I have this gut on my chest and I feel frustrated. I wish there was a surgical procedure where I can remove the part of me that makes me desire men. Gosh that will be so relieving…

  401.  #401light heart on March 31, 2012 at 9:46 am

    I would wish for what would remove the suffering that accompanies the desire for men, not the desire itself,
    because the desire is beautiful, it is the suffering that produces the feeling of limitation that feels unnatural

    light heart

  402.  #402Starla on March 31, 2012 at 9:52 am


  403.  #403Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 9:53 am

    I’m reminding myself that even though Recycled and NewCD have let me down, there are so many other men out there.

  404.  #404Turquoise on March 31, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Hi Sirens,

    I’m a busy bee today, cleaning and getting ready for the shower. My sister and soon to be niece are almost an hour late, so I am sitting down and taking a break. Not much left to do, just clean one bathroom, run the sweeper and then set up, oh and dust. But I’ve been cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing my kitchen, emptying kitty litter, taking out the trash, cleaning my girls rooms, oh it goes on and on. I feel like taking a nap! But no time for that, so I poured a cold diet pepsi, am heating up some lunch and stopped to check up with all of you.

    Ohio CD asked me out. We are going to have dinner next Saturday night. He texted, asked if we could talk and called this morning, we talked over an hour and a half. I hope it doesn’t feel like a mistake to have spent so much time talking when I meet him. But, we have a lot in common and I’m enjoying getting to know him. He definitely doesn’t seem to have a fear of commitment because he brings up marriage pretty much every time I talk to him. Today he said, if we get married it would feel really nice to have our parents over for dinners and get togethers. It would feel really good to entertwine families. He even uses I feel statements… haha.

    Part of me hopes I really really like him. It would be so different to be with a guy who wants to plan a future together, rather than wanting a man who doesn’t want that, or can’t admit he wants it.

    It’s just soooo hard because my gut instincts are telling me he wants me too. But maybe that’s just wishful thinking or dreaming or not wanting to let go of my past.

    Ohioguy looks and sounds a lot like my idea of a dream guy. If he had green eyes, I’d feel sure. I feel kinda scared and heart fluttery thinking that the universe might be bringing me what is best for me and not who I thought it should be.

    I feel a little quivery thinking about it all. But..I haven’t even met him yet, so this may be all premature. It’s always good in the beginning.

  405.  #405Starla on March 31, 2012 at 10:02 am

    i guess all i can really do is take extraordinary care of myself while i feel so lonely and sad.

    all other options that bring him into it run the risk of creating drama.

  406.  #406sophie on March 31, 2012 at 10:09 am

    i am feeling confused and put through the wringer by the relationship or 8 months which is now breaking up – i have been trying to use Rori’s tools so much and feeling messages have been a great help – in fact getting in touch with what my feelings are has been a great help – but the relationship has crashed and burned and i’m now observing the wreckage and wondering if there was something I could have done better ala Rori or if this was one just to teach me whatever it was here to teach me – is it always just a combination of the both? I met him whilst CDing and my vibe was high – I probably stopped CDing other men too soon (within a couple of months) but carried on with my own things – I did a really bad job of leaning back when he seemed to be stalling with regards to me meeting his family – in all other ways he was moving the relationship forward (keeping in contact/being in love). He would invite me then univite me, or invite me and then arrange to go without me. I didn’t know where I stood and expressed this in feeling messages but before long he was saying that it felt like pressure and I was feeling panicky and sick everytime a weekend approached and I didn’t know if he’d made plans without me. It has now ended after he invited me then uninvited me at Easter to his family’s in another round or horrible abusive attacks from him. He calls me horrible names etc and says that he can’t do anything right and all I do is take take take . Sirens, I feel so sad. I feel heartbroken. I feel devasted to do the grieving and moving on but I am so happy for theRorisms and that I can just stay on my horse and keep on riding. Is the advice now for me to work on myself? Feeling good about myself? Hasanyone got any advice about what this messenger may have been sharing with me? Any advice much appreciated – I love hearing the support you offer each other xxx

  407.  #407Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 10:13 am


  408.  #408Coco Kisses on March 31, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Hey sirens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  409.  #409Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 10:23 am

    well i feel like curling up into a little ball

    i feel so deflated.

    i bought a new little flip skirt at the thrift store across the street and i saw three of my really old friends and i realized that i don’t feel loved by them, that i am leaning forward with them all the time so i can feel loved and if i was just quiet, i would feel left out.

    so i came back home and i felt really stupid for trying on the skirt and i feel like i don’t know what to do with myself….

    i guess i could call a friend and i can always meditate and that will make me feel better.

    crush drove by me in his truck and i was talking on the cell phone organizing the bottle drive and he flicked his lights on once and i didn’t wave, so he flicked his lights on again, so i gave him a little wave…

    oooh, i feel so shameful for trying to look pretty, i really want to just curl up and hide….i want someone to tell me they love me and i am pretty and i am lovable…

    i think it was when my friend said she was at my good friend’s birth that i started to feel really lost.
    Because i really felt so alone during my pregnancy and i hired this friend to be my doula but i really didn’t feel like she wanted to be there for me and i felt like i irritated her.

    these are all feelings i would have from my mother and so i am just going to give myself some extra lovin

  410.  #410Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Aww HW…I’m sorry about your friends.
    I think it is great that you bought the skirt! How cute and girly. I love that you did that for yourself.
    I bought myself 2 maxi dresses at a discount store and they are so cute and girly and I love them! I always get compliments.
    You should go out today and wear your skirt perhaps! Show off your legs pretty mama…

  411.  #411Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Hi Coco Kisses 🙂

  412.  #412Daria on March 31, 2012 at 10:36 am

    644: Lisa says:
    Hi Rori

    Im not sure but I think it is working I have your e book and your siren series. I have been doing the same thing for years and years, not only with the men in my life, with everyone! I’m a very emotional person and my negative emotions have always led me to shut off, put up walls, throw tantrums and be an out right bi*tch. I also saw him drifting away so I clung on tighter. I would cling on so tight I’m sure i would have licked the dirt off his shoes just so he stayed.
    We had a fight on friday night. I read your beautiful informitavie insights on sat afternoon. I used feeling messages (badly, im new at this) and he offered tomake me a coffee on Tuesday at work I was surprised!! I watched your siren video and i loved it! I made the mistake of going to his place the next friday and saying “I want to be with you tonight”
    I left feeling guilty and he texted saying he wanted to be by himself and couldn’t handle another friday night like last week. I accepted the NO! I told him i felt OK with that and that i felt guitly about pressuing him and that i felt happy to be by myself. I left it a that.. he texted me at lunch time on sat saying “hey you how’s your day” I texted back ” today feels great… how was your day?” he sent a msg back that i did not respond to as i was too busy with my girlfriend and then another, starting it with Hey Gorgeous!! I feel empowered and I thank you! I lost myself in him and now I have found me! baby steps… baby steps and LOTS of love for ME! Thank you Rori Xx

    Saturday, 31 March 2012 @ 10:20am

    645: Rori Raye says:
    BRAVA Lisa – Will use this your comment in a post – Keep doing what you’re doing! Love, Rori

    Saturday, 31 March 2012 @ 10:24am

  413.  #413Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 10:39 am

    I’m confused there are so many threads going on at once… ? 🙄

  414.  #414Rori Raye on March 31, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Wow – Daria – Thank you for this – and I’m going to assume this is okay and print it all as a guest post from you instead of a comment! I’ll get it up as quickly as I can. Love, Rori

  415.  #415Starla on March 31, 2012 at 10:45 am

    aw look at us all….hugs to everyone here who needs it.

  416.  #416Starla on March 31, 2012 at 10:46 am

    i took a shower and i felt sad but then i put on my new dress and grapefruit lotion on all over my body and good music and pretty eye makeup and my curly hair looks gorgeous and before i knew it caught myself dancing!

    <3 to me

  417.  #417Starla on March 31, 2012 at 10:49 am

    and i’m going to walk part of the way from school to myf riend’s house, and catch a tan in this pretty, short dress, and stop along the way at the italian market for an orangina and a little snack:)

    and i have so much love for me and the whole world and everyone in it, especially those who are closest to me:)

    no villains! there are no villains!! not even me:)

  418.  #418Coco Kisses on March 31, 2012 at 10:51 am

    @ Sophie…..

    I’m sorry to hear that u are going through this…lean way back, cut off contact with for. While,
    Et him come to u,,in the mean time do YOU. This has helped me out during this difficult time of my pending divorce…..I still haven’t called my his and and there is a part of me that thinks he won’t file for divorce. His feelings are just hurt from me leaning back, he doesn’t want to pick up the oars in the boat.

  419.  #419Daria on March 31, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Starla – i ermember reading soemwhere, i think it was in Rori materials or related coach…

    about saying… i need us to see each other ; x amount of times a week to feel comfortable in dating. and that it was ok to be very clear with numbers on that

    one “new york” style woman was so high prize – this was a pos example of diva –

    she said that oh over here i let men know i need to see them at least 2wice a week wiht add phone contact to date them

    and 3 times a week including weekends with daily phone contact to be sexually involved

    that felt inspiring 🙂

    she said that “new york” women wouldn’t date men with any less than that requirement

  420.  #420Daria on March 31, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Sophie – if he’s saying horrible things, he’s not the man for you,, he’s a toxic man. please RUN not walk.

    And keep on working here to find out what YOU need to heal that has you attracted to a man who treats you this horrible way. and im not KIDDING.

    You can shift these patterns, and we’ve all done it… babysteps

  421.  #421Daria on March 31, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Coco Kisses – nice! its possible after he gets thru his processing he will have the space to step up! maybe the first time ever! yay!!

  422.  #422Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 10:57 am

    I’m feeling invisible and sorry for myself, NVs telling me that that my issues or my feelings are not that significant or interesting enough to be commented on.

  423.  #423Luzydel on March 31, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I am going to take a shower and go out, it is nasty out and all cloudy, but I need to observe human behavior. I have gotten so used to being alone that socializing is becoming awkward. Weird thing is that people come to me and reach out to me…sometimes I just don’t know what to say without sounding fake…

  424.  #424sophie on March 31, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Thank you coco kisses and daria i need to hear it – he has been so loving and kind and we fell in love and now so cruel and mean and nasty – i do need to cut off contact – feel so cross with myself to be in this place again – I guess that’s not the way is it? I will give myself a big hug and allow myself to make mistakes – thank you all for being here and for being committed to helping and sharing your healing experiences xx

  425.  #425Daria on March 31, 2012 at 11:23 am


  426.  #426Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I went out in the sun and treated myself to a nice lunch and hot coffee with my son and i feel much better.
    Emerson, thanks for your sweet comments….i feel heard….
    you heard me and saw me and that is the best feeling…
    i saw your last post and you are definitely not invisible, you gave me feedback and permission in your sweet way to be a girly-girl, which is HUGE for me, for a girl whose father wanted her to run around without a shirt on and throw the ball like a boy and play baseball all day….
    so i feel really grateful for you seeing me..

  427.  #427Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 11:41 am

    I like what you wrote in response to Starla.
    About it being okay to have needs and to say that if I am going to be sexually involved with you I need to see you on the weekends and another day and I want daily phone contact…..that sounds like a juicy woman who believes in her worth…..

    i am going to shoot for that…..

    Starla, i feel glad that you are enjoying yourself and i feel that only good is going to come out of this with CF. Either you will have space freed up for a man to come into your life who WILL make time for you or CF will step up and be there. Either way, it IS going to happen for you.

  428.  #428LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Hi Sirens:

    After being sick for a week, I am dedicated to getting healthy again and getting back into shape. I’ve dug into the back of my closets and pulled out some sexy clothes that I do not fit into anymore. These are my goals!! I have a range of sizes, so as to be realistic in my progress, and I will reward my self with NEW SHOES Stick out tongue each time I fit into a different size. Lofty goals for someone who is laid up in bed, but inspiring none the less!

  429.  #429LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    * :p

  430.  #430sophie on March 31, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    (((Emerson))) thank you for acknowledging me it felt supportive xx

  431.  #431Daria on March 31, 2012 at 12:33 pm


  432.  #432Daria on March 31, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Healing Waterfal – it was at least THREE times a week including at least one day of weekend. 🙂

  433.  #433Sun Goddess on March 31, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Hmm…I was just watching a cartoon show with my kids and one of the female characters made the comment that she does something because it brings out the only feeling she has left–pain! I guess I was a lot like this (and probably still a little). Before I would just go about life getting attention from toxic sources because at least then I was all alone even if pain was the consequence.

    Some people may now call me selfish because I do things because they feel good to me, not because someone else expects it from me.

  434.  #434Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Emerson, I didn’t see your post the first time about NewCD…..he definitely showed up in that way for a reason for you.
    because there is a part of you that feels invisible and that is the part he showed you….but tell me and all of us ways in which you have been visible and seen and heard and that you felt safe….

    i still have not gotten my bills paid.
    my son came back and wanted me to snuggle him so he could nap….he had a sleepover last night…..
    i need to get my finances in order.
    when my son was sleeping i did the waterwheel exercise and i think i need to change the characters in that play, since crush keeps on being the one in my imagination who is filling me up with his love…

    i really like the imagery of all i have to do is open up and receive….that seems so simple and it makes me feel open, vulnerable and scared… breathe into it and feel the love, baby!

  435.  #435Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    I feel like a sucker and “disrespected” that NewCD dropped the ball and never replied back. What an idiot! I feel so annoyed and mad. I think I’m done with meeting guys online for a while. This is not the first time this has happened.
    Feeling angry.

  436.  #436Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    FEELING ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  437.  #437Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Hi Emerson,
    Please do not take it personally. It is just an online encounter, but i think it is good for you to feel angry….

    feeling is good.
    now you know what you want from an online thing, so you can be clear with yourself next time.

    oh, i am feeling so insecure….why do i have to see my crush all the time?
    i was calling me ex on my cell phone walking outside near his office and my crush was standing in his office talking on his cell phone and i felt like a huge hole in my heart, i want him to talk to me.

    why is it we women get stuck on these guys?
    all i know is that i feel happy when i am around him….so i am just going to stick with that feeling happy feeling and Emerson, i am going to put on one of my new skirts and go to Barnes and Noble and get a coffee and sit in a chair and read a book for one of my workshops…..maybe i will even go to nice bar and see if I get any flirts…..

    this will make me feel better.

    i am sending you a big hello Emerson, i hear you that you are feeling angry.

    i feel so grateful for this blog, i feel so safe being myself here, all of me, my insecurities, my deepest wounds and my joys….

    thank-you so much, you beautiful women….

  438.  #438Daria on March 31, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    2953: Dina says:
    First of all I would like to say to birdcherry, I feel so bad for you. I have so been in your place and it hurts even now to read about it. Concentrate on yourself and your children. He doesnt seem very nice.
    Dear Rori,
    I have a problem in my ‘relationship’. I am with a man who has told me in different ways and I get a constant vibe from him that looks are VERY important to him. Now I have always been confident in my looks, get lots of comments,etc. Since I have been with him, I feel less confident and sexy. I am a size 8, but he has told me at times that I am fat, in a joking way, but it still hurts. It got to a big argument a few months ago and I told him he doesnt make me feel good. He told me his ex was very thin, smiling as he said it, and sounded proud! But then he told me he really likes the way I look and refused to talk about it. I decided to be mature and let it go. In the past week, once I was washing dishes, he was looking at me, then he said, ‘your body has changed, it doesn’t look like a girl’s body anymore, it looks like a woman’s body, your bum has gone lower down’! Again I decided not to even grace that with a response and ignored it. Today we went shopping, I was looking at some skinny jeans, and he told me’ those are for people with skinny legs like her’, and showed me a girl the same size as me. I was furious this time. Deep down I feel he wants to be with a very skinny person and I am worried that he will not find me sexy in the long run, if that is what he desires. Now I feel fat and not very sexy and I dont even want to talk to him about it because we have had a couple of arguments over this issue already. How do I deal with this? If I just ignore his commnets and feel sexy in me, will it make me feel better? will he cheat on me eventually with a thin girl? Thoughts going through my head, please help, thanks, Dina

    Saturday, 31 March 2012 @ 10:53am

    2954: Rori Raye says:
    Dina – I don’t get this at all. I know my husband would like more “butt” on me – and besides doing the “glut” exercises (which is my responsibility to do, just as it’s his responsibility to stay in reasonable shape) – I can’t change certain things. Even Goldie Hawn’s butt dropped. And so what? This all just isn’t the point!

    It’s just simply not feasable for a woman to be with a man who doesn’t adore every inch of her.

    What you do for yourself and to fulfill your personal responsibility to your body is one thing – what you do to make him feel more attracted to you is another – and there are LOTS of things it’s totally your responsibility to do! Hair, makeup, clothes, working out – whatever you did when he met you, and whatever you need to do to stay healthy – but never, never, never the “constant vibe” you’re talking about here.

    If it were me – I’d make an effort to do what might make a small difference for you that might mean a HUGE difference for him – just as you’d want him to do for you – but, my guess is that you will NEVER placate what he thinks he wants, and so Circular Dating – at least in the “dating yourself and flirting with other men” sense is the way for you to go here. Just so you can feel your way through what you want to do here…Love, Rori

    Saturday, 31 March 2012 @ 2:18pm

  439.  #439Healing Waterfall on March 31, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    well, i am feeling so shy about heading out alone with a skirt on….

    but i think i will

    i am going to go put on a skirt and look pretty and head out….

    ok…..before i go i am going to ground out any of those feelings in my 3rd chakra that say it is not safe….

    ok here i go in a pink skirt, pink top and black boots….oh my god….the tomboy is no longer…

  440.  #440Brenda on March 31, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Go, Healing Waterfall!

    Sounds pretty!

  441.  #441Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    437 thank you HW

    439 sounds like a HOT outfit 😉 have fun

  442.  #442Sun Goddess on March 31, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    My work friend just called me and asked me to come meet this guy tonight. I have my kids, so I don’t think I can. 🙁

  443.  #443Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    I have not heard from SmartCD today. Which means that he needs his Sat night for other plans. I don’t feel upset, but I am starting to wonder if I should address the fact that he doesn’t think he needs to let me know why we are not together on the weekend.

  444.  #444Tiffany on March 31, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Just popped onto the blog again – trying to catch up. I have a new phone, and it’s so much harder to read the emails on the new system. Each message comes in as an individual message, instead of a long thread I can just scroll through – ugh. I’ll probably just end up reading it on my phone’s browser….Anyway.

    Starla, I haven’t read through everything, so I don’t know if there’s been any outcome, but I TOTALLY feel you on the mixed messages. And especially when I guy cancels on you and you were really expecting/hoping he would be there for you. That feels the WORST.

    But, I found myself examining my own motives and behavior – especially with regard to OM recently – and I just had to ask myself, where were my expectations coming from? Why did I “expect” him to show up in certain ways (and, when he wasn’t or didn’t, then it was like a “bad” thing, and I wanted him to be different?) Expectations are basically the enemy of relationship. CF, confusing as he is being, and as much as he is sending mixed signals, is just being himself. That’s of course easy for me to say when I’m sitting on my couch, and I’m not being surrounded by the feelings that your having. But I know what those feel like.

    So that’s why I think lk said to “forget” about him. And I know what that kind of looks like. Or maybe does look like. I remember one day when I decided to “forget” about P (my first Indian CD – tehee!). I was kind of upset about him, and realized that he probably wasn’t going to give me what I needed. So I sat down, got really comfortable. Did a few deep breaths and whatnot. Then I concentrated on remembering him, but believing that in that moment, he did not extist….it was very freeing.

    The other aftereffect of doing that was that about 5 minutes later, he texted me. But don’t expect that sort of thing. Because the only way it helps you is if you don’t. You just want to get yourself out of the cycle of concentrating on him and what he’s doing….

    Oh, and btw, ladies, I just realized that this month is the one-year anniversary of my tatt!! 🙂

  445.  #445Tiffany on March 31, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    I dressed HOT last night for Friday services, and it was awesome. I got hit on a ton. A friend of mine even asked me for a date – sweet! I know he’s been checking me out for a long time, and it was great. I feel super blase about it, like I couldn’t care less what happens.

    And also I jumped on the blog to basically share just one interesting thing I noticed.

    Last night/afternoon, I talked to my mom. And I noticed that when I approached the conversation in a different way, she had a different response. I was coming from a place of more self-confidence and self-love. And she was more supportive, more creative, and less attack-y. Also, when she was trying to “control” I simply noticed and backed off – instead of “attacking” like I might have in the past. It was a very interesting experience. It made me realize that my mom is only human, too, and responds to my energies and “vibes” the same as everyone. Even more incentive to keep my vibes UP as high as possible! : -)

  446.  #446Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 5:32 pm


    You sound good 😉

  447.  #447Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    One thing I noticed is that he is not as crazy about me sexually as he used to be. He is kind of comfortable and tender and passionate of course, but he doesn’t have to jump on me every 2 mins. Is that bad?

  448.  #448Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    I think if I get a random text from him tomorrow I will tell him that I felt lonely today. And if the conversation will go further I will say that to feel happy in an romantic relationship I need to see my partner at least twice a week and be in a daily contact. Hmm should I ask what he thinks?

  449.  #449LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 6:05 pm


    I felt that was happening with CD song, so I just made it where I did not sleep with him as often as he wanted. Made him miss me. So far he is on week 3 . . .

    BTW, are you circular dating? Especially so that you are not feeling like you are waiting to hear from him.

  450.  #450Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 6:18 pm


    So CD song hasn’t been intimate with you for 3 weeks? Is he complaining?

    I am not CDing and our last date was really close and intimate. He even surprised me and introduced his little son to me. Just I feel wondering why I was not contacted about weekend plans.

  451.  #451LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 6:24 pm


    Yes, he is complaining a lot, that I don’t call him, that I have not been over, and I pointed out that he does not take me out or do things with me. I did lean forward and call him yesterday though. I feel he was getting comfortable with me rather than desiring me and needed to realize that I am not instant steady sex for him.

    Do you feel it’s not right to date other guys if you are intimate with him. I did read how he stopped by with his son because they were in your neighborhood – that was sweet.

  452.  #452Femininewoman on March 31, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    LoveAlways I feel good to read that you are feeling better and are no longer sick. Being sick has been on my mind recently. My dad was recently hospitalized and diagnosed with congestive heart failure. It is hard to watch him deteriorate like this. Since he has been back home even more so. For the first time today I had to share the heaviness in my heart with a male friend and ended up crying in front of another female friend who came over a bit unexpected while I was in the conversation with him. Though we all want to connect with that right man life sometimes send us challenges we are not prepared for. I for the first time experienced my father needing to use the bathroom but cannot make it and my mother having to having to clean him up. His body language told me that he was uncomfortable with me witnessing it but it kind of brought some reality to me. I have been asking myself which man would I feel safe and comfortable enough with to have him do that for me or that I would be able to do that kind of thing for. My dad can be very harsh, blameful and critical even while she is trying to help at times. She overfunctions and offer help even at times when he doesn’t want it and is very clear about wanting to be left alone. But that particular incident he needed the help and asked for it. So I found myself wondering how comfortable would I be doing that kind of thing. Would I feel resentful if asked. Or if I could unconditionally love anyone so much that I could give in such a sacrificial way

  453.  #453Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 7:21 pm


  454.  #454Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 7:24 pm


    It would not be ‘anyone’, right? It will be your romantic partner. And yes, I believe that love is unconditional.

  455.  #455Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    453 (((FW))) and (((FW’s Father)))

  456.  #456Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 7:30 pm


    You called yesterday to let him know that he needs to make an effort if he wants to see you?

    Yes, I don’t feel comfortable dating others, not even because we are intimate. I feel that we are taking each other seriously and I just don’t want to break the trust, even if he never finds out, I just don’t want to do it. I may smile and flirt with guys in the street, but I don’t feel like going on a date.

  457.  #457LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 7:30 pm


    Thank you for sharing that. I took care of my dad during his sickness, but he was alone, so I did it gladly. What came to my mind at that point was unconditional love. What a child has a for a parent, and what a parent has for a child, is Unconditional love. I’ve also pondered if there is or could be a man that I could love unconditionally. And you know, it’s at that moment of need that determines it sometimes. I’m sorry your dad and you and your mom and are enduring this, but you are showing him that unconditional love just by being there.

    Can we love a man unconditionally? I don’t know, but having been in that position, and having seen other people go through it, I believe we can.

  458.  #458Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    TH and I had our talk. One thing I love about him is that he never yells and he listens to what I have to say – I don’t feel ignored. This is a nice change from both my marriages!

    Anyway his response to my concern about the overseas holiday was “I never said you weren’t invited – it’s only just being talked about”.

    So although I’m not sure that inviting me was something he had on his mind, I’m sure he’ll be thinking about that now! I’ll now drop it and see what he decides to do.

    I also mentioned a few other little things that were bothering me and now I’m feeling much better about everything.

    My eldest is now gone for a month and my baby will be here only every couple of weeks. We also have this week off work so we’ll have plenty of alone time coming up!

    We’re going out tonight for dinner and drinks with his friends. I’m really looking forward to it. He also told me that the reason why he bought me the new dre

    We had lots of cuddles last night and then went for a walk to the markets this.

  459.  #459Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Oops lost part of my post!! As I was saying, he bought me the dresses because he said we have a few events coming up (I have no idea what) and he knows I have nothing to wear (my poor wardrobe is not very well stocked).

    So yeah. I feel much better today. And he is right now cooking me lunch. Yay! 🙂

  460.  #460LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 7:36 pm


    I called him after the conversation we had. I called him because I felt bad that he felt I wasn’t interested in him (my not coming around to be with him) and I have been home sick. He wanted to make a connection with me and so I called to connect with him as he asked in the prior conversation. It was really nice, and I could tell he really wanted me to reach out to him. He was a like an over happy puppy in a way. I felt bad leaning back, but I knew it was important.

    Do you CD yourself, like go out on the weekend or take trips so that you are busy? If he could not rely on your being available any or every weekend, maybe it would change the energy when it comes to his approach to weekend plans. What do you think? In Commitment Blueprint, in the Chapter 5 section 7 in the “husband story” Rori talks about the impact of CDing yourself – not just going out with other guys.

  461.  #461Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Do I have to tell him that I need to see him on weekends and at least once during the week.. do I need to put us on a schedule. That feels weird, not romantic.

    Btw I mentioned Monday show that he ignored. We were sitting at bfast with restaurant windows overlooking the theater-) I said – oh I didn’t tell you about the show! It was fantastic, so interesting, so well done, I felt wonderful. He said at first – what show? As if he forgot (but I could see it was a defense, he did not forget). And then he looked a bit puzzled that I was happy about the show and didn’t even ‘notice’ he ignored it.

  462.  #462Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    I am watching old Madonna videos 🙂 It’s making me feel happy. I love her music. It’s also bringing back memories of going through a really tough time ten years ago…and I want to hug my ten year younger self ((((Emerson))))

  463.  #463Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 7:39 pm

  464.  #464Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    Sorry to hear about your Dad FW. xxx

  465.  #465Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    461 Memulo perhaps he was jealous that you went to the show

  466.  #466Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    ((((FW’s Mom))))

  467.  #467Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 7:44 pm


    That is wonderful about you and CD song! It sounds like he will want to make you happy.

    Yes, I am CDing myself, I go out with friends. What makes me wondering is that he did not tell me ‘I will be busy this weekend, I won’t be able to see you’, he just disappeared. Maybe it’s for today, maybe for a few days – I don’t know.

    If I silently won’t be available weekends I am not sure it will help him realize I actually want to see him weekends. Maybe I should tell him and if it doesn’t change, do something about it. Actually we just spent Thursday night and a long Friday morning together. But I have not heard from him since.

  468.  #468Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 7:46 pm


    He knew I was going and I said he could come along if he gets his own ticket and he never continued this conversation. Sirens here advised me not to make a big deal out of it.

  469.  #469Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    468 Memulo
    That sounds good, maybe he’s jealous anyway, not your fault at all just an observation. 🙂
    It’s prob not right but I kinda like when they get a lil bit jealous….

  470.  #470Emerson on March 31, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    FW you and your Mother sound like amazing women and your Father is so lucky to have you both around to help him….
    It is so hard to see our parents ill…

  471.  #471Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    While I was visiting last time he got a text from his ex that he should consider himself to be the luckiest ex-husband.
    He sighed and said – delusional.

  472.  #472LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 8:16 pm


    If you are busy on the weekends, he will discover that you are not at his beck and call once he tries to hook up with you. I’m suggesting to be busy on the weekends for yourself because he is not stepping up to see you on the weekends. If this is something that is important to you, and it seems to be contrary to what he wants to do, then maybe you need to feel how you really feel about that. Do you want to control him? Do you want to make him do what you want to do?

  473.  #473LoveAlways on March 31, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Hi Emerson & BW

  474.  #474Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 8:22 pm


    I can’t generalize actually. Last weekend and the one before that he spent with me. Further back I just don’t remember-)

    I don’t want to control him. That’s for sure. I feel that I want to know we are spending Sat nights together by default and if not I want to know why.

    I am thinking to tell him next time I hear from him that I felt lonely (meaning that I was not with him, because actually today I went to a big brunch that took most of my day, but he doesn’t know that). Is it too early to be at the point where i want to know why we are not together this weekend?

  475.  #475GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    #215 Starla, this was *so* helpful to me tonight to remember to care for where my focus goes (& why things happen/repeat for me… that feels good)! #345 (or #354?) Daria thank you!!! I will engage with all of this! 😀 #388 light heart, hugs needed & received! Mmm!

  476.  #476Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    What happened is that on Thursday when he was calling/texting and I could not respond he asked at the end – when will I see you? Can it be tonight? Just give me the day. And I said ok, tonight. So perhaps he planned something else on the weekend.

  477.  #477Lizka on March 31, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Day 12 is over.

    It went pretty well I must say. I woke up feeling sad and lonely, and finally I spent the day outside with a friend who invited me to go to TWO cosmetics sales (spent a lot of money but got A LOT of stuff!), than we went for a small lunch and smoothies on a patio since it was so sunny outside and we went to the hot yoga.

    But the yoga gave me a huge headache so I couldn’t do everything else I wanted, running and cleaning. I just rested and slept all night (from 6 pm to 10.30!!).

    I feel a little bit sad that ATW still haven’t contact me, not even for a “Hello”. I’m thinking more and more that this leaning back challenge is gonna bring me to forget it. I really think of him less and less, but now, this is making me feels sad still. Maybe in a few days/weeks it’s gonna feel less painful to realise that I am not thinking of him…

  478.  #478Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Hi LoveAlways! xx

  479.  #479Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Memulo, to be honest, I think that CDing is probably the only way you’re going to be able to change your vibe with him. He’s not stepping up this weekend, but I can bet that if you had a date with somebody else, he’d be suddenly feeling the urge to get in contact!

    I did this with TH a long time ago. I was sick of never having plans in advance with him, so I did CD for a bit – and TH totally turned things around. Now we’re practically living together! He KNOWS that if he leaves me to my own devices, some other guy is going to snap me up quick. And he knows that I know it too!

  480.  #480Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    Awww! TH just baked me a pie for lunch – with a little love heart on it! 🙂

    Will post in Siren Island for those who aren’t FB friends!

    He was grinning as he handed it to me and I was wondering why. And then I saw the little heart in the middle! Sooo cute!

  481.  #481Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 8:44 pm


    But did you tell TH that you had ‘other plans’?

  482.  #482Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Yay BW! That sounds so sweet!

  483.  #483Memulo on March 31, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    On one hand I want to state my wants and don’t wants, on the other can’t a guy have some time for himself lol? I am not sure what to do..

  484.  #484Tiffany on March 31, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Thanks, Memulo! I feel good! And I can’t even really explain why….hm. I must have been doing a lot of good “work” so far! Or something….

    Emerson – I love “old” Madonna!! I often listen to Immaculate Collection when I need a little “lift” 🙂

  485.  #485Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 8:54 pm

    I think I told him beforehand the first time (because he asked what I was up to and I told him I had plans), but another time I didn’t tell him at all. But he later contacted me (while I was out), asking what I was up to. I told him I was out with a friend. He knew my “friend” was male without me saying so. And although he said nothing, I know he hated it! 😉

    But it’s not about whether he knows or not – it’s about your change in vibe. While I was out with another guy, I wasn’t thinking so much about him. And he picked up on it and it was quite amazing just how much it shifted things for us.

    As Rori says in one of her programs, even THINKING about a guy is overfunctioning. So that’s why CDing is so great, because it takes your focus off that one guy while you’re with the others.

    If you don’t need to date other guys to move your focus, then by all means do that, but from what I’ve observed, even though you’re making your own plans with friends etc, you’re still very focused on him. CDing (even if temporarily) should fix that.


  486.  #486Butterfly Wings on March 31, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    The pie was delish! He’s such a great cook! 😛

  487.  #487GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    #409 Aw, Healing Waterfall, I SO know that feeling/knowing of realizing you`ve been leaning forward with your “friends” & if you were just quiet, that you`d be left out (and how it relates to mom stuff!!) Oh, that is so lifelong familiar to me. Well, imo it simply means those “friends” are not your *tribe*. And if you keep taking good care of you & being Sireny with yourself, find a way to mix with more people whether you go to them or draw them to you with activities etc, then the vibe of who you *really are* will radiate naturally out from you & fill the space around you & out into the world, and you`ll start to attract your tribe… people who really like you, wanna go to trouble to spend time with you & seek you out. (Same info I wanna say to Lush Oasis, if she`s around here… though her situation may be more challenging in her town etc?) I`m available to help think, plan or process around it if you want. It`s been a *huge* challenge in my life & in my town, but it`s do-able, amazingly. And esp combined with the wisdom in Starla`s #215 post. Hugs to you, you deserve good friends who feel you are a treasure and want to share laughs, make memories & stay together! You are a good person to spend time with, and your thoughts are are valuable! xo

  488.  #488Lizka on March 31, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    You have to believe Lizka. 🙁

  489.  #489Tiffany on March 31, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    One area where I think I still need some “work” is in communicating my needs. This still makes me nervous. I am just getting used to the idea that I *can* state my needs (and wants/don’t wants, etc.) Being able to *know* them is the first step. I still feel afraid sometimes that they are going to be “shot down” or just not fulfilled. Logically speaking, that would not be the end of the world. But we are not talking about my “logical” brain, here…

    I can feel a slight shift in my heart, though. When I feel better about myself, then it doesn’t MATTER if my needs/wants are met (i.e. by a specific person, in a specific time or place). But it can still be okay for me to HAVE them and to SAY them.

    But expectatation matters here, too. Because I am noticing that I often come from a place of expecting them NOT to be met. For whatever reason. But it would seem to me (and would make sense) that people who communicate from a place of EXPECTING wants and needs to be met are much more effective at communicating those needs. And it just bypasses the fear completely…I want to be one of those people. That is my goal. If I can only find a place in me that EXPECTS and KNOWS that its needs and desires will be fulfilled…that place feels good. And that’s the place I want to come from when I am asking for what I need….not the wounded part of me that “thinks” its needs haven’t or won’t be met….

  490.  #490GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Oh, and Healing Waterfall, you might wanna try using Rori`s Waterwheel tool on the friend thing…? What do you think?

  491.  #491Tiffany on March 31, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Memulo – Maybe it is not that he is “less passionate” or “less into you.” But maybe his change in lovemaking is a sign that he is getting more comfortable with you. He doesn’t feel like he *has* to jump on you every two minutes. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you. To me, it sounds like more of a “settling in.” He may be comfortably attached to you. And if he’s introducing you to his son, then he’s probably showing you that he wants you in his life! That sounds nice 🙂

  492.  #492GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    #485 ButterflyWings “even thinking about aa guy is overfunctioning” THANKS for this reminder! I have *such* a long way to go on it… I feel an energy shift just thinking about not thinking about a guy… it feels scary & also comfortable… lost & yet like I`d be grounded & magnetic, centered. I like the thought that I can just feel his presence on the periphery, and not be *thinking* about him… though I love all the details of him! There`s a line of balance here I believe. This feels scary but good.

  493.  #493GingerSky on March 31, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    #452 (((((( FW ))))))

  494.  #494Starla on March 31, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    um ladies, i kind of goofed and called CF and told him how sad and awful i felt, and how i just wanted to actually see each other and make up in person and have some good vibes going like how we always do when we get together, and at first he quickly said okay tomorrow, what are you doing? and then i asked if he couldn’t come tonight, and he got defensive, and then i got more defensive, and then we were just fighting again.

    and i started being pushy again, but then CF reacted by saying he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to be in a relationship with me… and i just felt even more rejected, and like it is a really mean thing to say…

    and he said he’s still coming, but that he’s so confused and doesn’t know what to say about whether he even wants me (i’m paraphrasing), so i’m not sure what the point is? so i said well actually now i guess i need to think about if it is a good idea

    because i just want to lay down good vibes… and he is probably just gonna come and tell me how me and my dumb little feelings of rejection and being left in the dust are pushing him “violently” away:(

    and i hate him right now and i am trying to think of how to text him to tell him some dumb lie about how actually i forgot i had an appointment or something. cuz i don’t think there’s anything for me tomorrow and i dont’ know why we should even get together…just so i can be on edge for a few hours about whether he is going to dump me?

    and all i wanted was some hugs and attention, but it turned into a big battle again.

    and i haven’t even gotten a rejection letter from the school i applied to, and i’m feeling not good enough for anyone to even just come out and reject:( like so worthless not even worth the time to say “sorry you actually suck too bad”

    but my friend tonight said that it just sounds like we’re still in our fight, and he’s acting defensively but it’ll blow over

    i don’t know how everything got so twisted so fast:(. All of a sudden i’m just awful in his eyes. he feels like nothing is good enough for me and that he doesn’t want to have to pursue me, that such a relationship wouldn’t feel right to him… and he was on cloud 9 last i checked

    so f*ck him:(

    i don’t mean that.


    i hate this and i should have never ever ever ever called, i was feeling way too rejected going into it and wanted him to fix it then and there. foolish girl starla

  495.  #495Starla on March 31, 2012 at 9:52 pm

    I said some pushy things about how it would be good to just be positive and try to move through this, and the more i said that, the more angry he got. and the more pathetic and beggy i felt and i feel like my dignity is in the toilet and i only want to date men who really really want me. so why am i wasting my time getting caught up on him? probably because i know this is just his ugly side that i never seen before.

    and it was just some fight, and i know i’m being annoying or whatever, but jeez do you have to be so cold?

    anyway he said it was fine for me to think about whether i still did want him to come down, cuz he would “try” to be positive or whatever, and that he would keep his phone near him all night to answer my call…and that if he didn’t hear from me he would be down here as planned. so that was kind of step-up-y. and i really appreciate it. but i feel too weak to go through the back and forth of whether he wants me tomorrow, even if it’s just in my own head:(. And I know I partly did this to myself but i still can only handle so much…

    and he also suggested we’d go to lunch and i said “you know, if you didn’t always take me out to eat, we could be seeing each other a lot more” (the gas expense is his main reason for not coming to see me more). and probably that somehow hurt things too. because everything i do f*cks it up more, because when it’s working, i get scared of rejection even more and start to act really needy.


    my friend hung out with me all night. it was nice to spend time with her and she was really loving toward me in her own cold, journalistic way, and kept me in the sunshine and with food and entertainment and beer, and i feel really appreciative.

  496.  #496Starla on March 31, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    i guess i am feeling angry at myself and angry at him because we’re both creating this environment where the most likely result will be that we do stuff that makes us feel angry at each other and ourselves.

    i can’t fix this:(

    all i can do is JUST STOP

    how quickly someone’s feelings can change.

    but again, my friend said this is pretty standard crazy person fighting material. and that we all have these crazy blow outs sometime and someone always says “maybe this isn’t the right relationship for me” or some stupid sh*t like that.

    which is a wh*ck thing to say and i myself don’t want to say anything like that anymore.

    but i’m actually pretty sure if we DO