Anxiety Is Often The Clue You Need That Something Good’s About To Happen

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Here’s part of a conversation with a client I’ll call “Toni” – where she’s moving (at the speed of light, truly…) from overfunctioning, controlling, anger-filled and resentment-filled communication, fighting, arguments, blaming…everything going wrong – to ease, harmony, smiling, affection, love, laughing…everything going WELL!

This letter is happening at the point where Toni’s making a real effort to put the Tools into practice and experiencing both great results, and the fear that ANY “change” brings…

“Hi Rori-

I wanted to send you an update. I have so much going on and I need to get it out.

Things in the relationship are up and down.

They’re really good one day, and then really bad the next. I continue to do things (on purpose and by accident) to trigger arguments. Today has been really hard because I am starting to feel a LOT of anxiety lately. More than I have felt in a really long time.

I feel scared! Scared that things won’t work out and scared that they will. It’s crazy. I want to cover it up with anger, but it’s harder to do for some reason.

I am terrified to be away from him. Like everything is on the brink of falling apart. We have been bickering a lot the last several days, and had two really big arguments last week.

Last Thursday I couldn’t stand him and was pretty sure that I was done. Then by Friday evening I was wondering how I could ever be without him.

I’m all over the place. (But I had really pulled away on Thursday and he stepped up and was very loving and kind and supportive. So I got close again, and then Sunday was bad again).

I’m having some good insights. I had a moment of clarity where I totally understood that all I had to do was be true to myself and my feelings – which doesn’t mean criticizing, blaming, etc.

It all made total sense. Very empowering.

Then I got freaked out because I felt more independent and separate.

I’ve had a nagging sense for years that I keep things on edge emotionally because I (in bold capital letter) can’t handle intimacy. It’s been a vague fear that if I’m not the one pursuing, I’ll lose interest.

So I keep myself in this fragile place emotionally because it keeps me feeling connected somehow, and allows me to act in ways where I get rejected and then I feel inadequate and wrong and unlovable.

Then I put up with things that I know I shouldn’t – but I also know that somehow I’m creating them because I’m more comfortable being rejected and trying to fight my way back in.

(This feels very powerful. I’m crying and feel very sad. Like I’ve really abandoned myself.) I’m not sure where to go with all of this. I feel very anxious and alone and scared.

I want to start working on how to talk about some of the big issues for me in our relationship. I also need to work on the anxiety I am feeling that causes me to want to start a fight just to release some energy.


From Me:

Toni…You sound fantastic!

I know it feels crappy – but here’s the truth – things feel chaotic and stirred up right before you leap into a new level of consciousness and experience.

The trick is to ride the wave of the anxiety and other feelings rather than trying to figure them out.

Just EMBRACING everything you feel, sitting with it – not trying to DO anything about it.

It’s natural to bounce around out of fear… – yes, we all fear what we want, and intimacy is the number one fear of all of us.

We fear merging, and want to merge – and intimacy feels like merging – but it isn’t.

You have to stay whole enough to be intimate – so that’s the trick.

You are DOING this!

For you – not “spewing” out the energy that’s welling up inside you is key – write it out instead, or talk to yourself in the mirror.

Breathe, practice going inside, and way outside rather than hanging in your head.

Touch things, dance, move…

What I think would be the best thing for us to do is script.

We could take ever single conversation and argument you’ve had, and redo them differently.

Just keep doing what you’re doing… and fear is part of the teacher, here….

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1Starla on April 26, 2012 at 6:56 am


  2.  #2Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 7:00 am

    Anxiety hhm

  3.  #3Francesca on April 26, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Hmmm, that’s interesting.

    I never thought of looking at anxiety as a clue that’s something good is going to happen – that’s kind of mind boggling.

    I always saw it as something “bad” or at least something I didn’t necessarily want to experience.

  4.  #4Francesca on April 26, 2012 at 7:21 am

    I talk to myself in the mirror often.

    I always knew that was helpful.

  5.  #5Francesca on April 26, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Although there are times when I don’t like the things I’m saying to myself! πŸ˜‰

  6.  #6Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Love this. Feel like I’ve been going through it with Jack CD, and more importantly, with myself. I feel hopeful reading this. Thanks, Rori! πŸ™‚

  7.  #7GingerSky on April 26, 2012 at 8:00 am

    I resemble this blog… (and esp resemble the last one, but not sure my comment posted about that)… only unless I`m feeling extremely secure or conversely, am just so triggered I get reckless, oftentimes what I do to release the energy is to pull overly close to the man… I hide & run from my empty self & the scary world into the “intimacy”… but that`s not healthy or truly intimate. I don`t know what to do about this. I think I`m getting better… but by slow degrees..

  8.  #8lk on April 26, 2012 at 8:00 am

    this feels really good to read. i do believe there are break-throughs after break-downs : )

    & i know i cycle through the anxiety & i love myself for going forward, forward : ) go go lk i can do that

    awwwww ((((((VALI))))) saying “oh, yes, you can do that ! ” & “kiss your feet – they carry you all day – you can kiss them !”

  9.  #9GingerSky on April 26, 2012 at 8:08 am

    I want to be with a man who also understands that anxiety can show that something good`s about to happen… I want to be in relationship w a man who`s wise & not have to carry all that by myself all the time. NSM was the first or second one for me like that. I really do well w a man who understands human dynamics well, bc it`s such a big part of who I am & what I do in the world. It`s just a matter of having a man in my life who`s interested in the things I`m interested in… but pretty challenging when I lack the education to go with it… I look forward to meeting this man though. I look forward tto continuing to meet myself & not hide.

  10.  #10Starla on April 26, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Still just blown away by not understanding why the f*ck CF disappeared of the face of the planet and is avoiding me like the plague. Sorry to keep bringing this up, but I feel stuck. I hope that’s okay.

  11.  #11Starla on April 26, 2012 at 8:51 am

    I think I am hurting myself with a belief that he will never speak to me again, when I have no evidence of this since it hasn’t been forever yet:P
    Perhaps I can switch my belief to “he will contact me when he’s ready.”

  12.  #12Starla on April 26, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Can I please let go and give it up to the universe. Please, Starla. It’s okay.

  13.  #13Emerson on April 26, 2012 at 8:56 am


  14.  #14Jan on April 26, 2012 at 8:59 am

    “but I also know that somehow I’m creating them because I’m more comfortable being rejected and trying to fight my way back in.”

    That’s me! I never really got it until just now!

  15.  #15Emerson on April 26, 2012 at 9:01 am

    I don’t want to get in this mindset being negative about men or people or relationships.

    I hear a voice telling me “men are different nowadays they don’t want to committ and will never be consistent from one day to the next” but I don’t want to believe that.

    I also feel super sensitive about someone not watching my back or being my advocate because that’s what was lacking with my parents.

    I feel like my man should be very protective but often those men are also OVERprotective…that I attract.

  16.  #16Emerson on April 26, 2012 at 9:02 am

    I feel anxiety around these issues, so I hope that does mean that something is about to change.

  17.  #17Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Starla, sweet girl, I know you are going through a rough time, but it has been such a joy and encouragment to see you work through your healing in a healthy way. I just wanted you to know that and send you some love! <3

  18.  #18siren song on April 26, 2012 at 9:22 am


    this post is totally resonating with me.

  19.  #19mali on April 26, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Ahhh, this feels so good to read…. I feel hopeful.

    So for those of you who know about hoodie guy, I feel so anxious about it at all… I went through that phase of “What’s he thinking? He kissed me (it was my first kiss, he was partly drunk), took me to a rugby game with his friends… WHY?!”

    And then I was in a state of anxiety for about two weeks before finally leaning forward and telling him about something that made me think of him.

    And then I felt awful.

    and so I resolved that I was going to move on. And I felt free! So free!

    Ofcourse the next day I see a response from him asking me how my holidays are going… ofcourse.

    I respond a few days later, and it’s fun; and he calls me but I’m busy so I don’t pick up. And I come upstairs to see his miscall and a text telling me his pocket dialled me, oops and sorry.

    And Im laughing. Because I can feel this guy/boy/wannabe-man’s fear and insecurity… and I feel relieved. Because I feel like Im in control.

    *sigh* Need to heal this.

    And I respond a few days later telling him it’s okay and that I had been *slightly* happy to see he’d called πŸ˜‰

    And he calls again, but Im catching up with my housemate who’s just arrived back… so I dont pick up again.

    And he texts me sayinf “fine, dpnt pick up then! :)” And carries on the conversation.

    I respond a few hours later teasing him saying that I was sorry, I thought his pocket was dialling me πŸ˜› And to call back.

    Which he doesn’t, and so I feel scared and anxious that I won’t hear from him again.

    So I call. And we talk for an hour; and I feel happy. He’s a good listener.

    He tells me that he’ll let me know when he’s back at uni, and we’ll do something.

    And I believe him, but now I’m super anxious that I won’t hear from him, that he didn’t mean it.

    I’m feeling this anxiety and I know it’s okay. And yet I’m reeling guys in too, which feels gooooood.

    Yesssss =) Whew. Revelling in this <3

  20.  #20Starla on April 26, 2012 at 9:27 am

    siren song, you seem so strong and amazing lately, with your main guy freaking out on you like that. how are you doing today?

  21.  #21ulii on April 26, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Thanks for the article, Rori.
    I feel anxiety all over me these days… So much, it’s really hard to sleep & have a normal life rythm & study… I post here again what I posted to the end of the last thread, in case someone might read & feel to comment:

    778: ulii says:

    hi sirens!

    Today I’m feeling a total mess. Like I’m not ready to deal with the life that’s coming on my way.

    NewZealandCD, with who I’m only in a online chat-relationship up to now, is asking me to go to see him. He would buy me the tickets to go & I could stay with him. As it’s really to go to the opposite part of the World, it would be few weeks minimum, maybe even over a month. I have said it would feel better for him to go to me, but he could not get away from the job until next autumn at least, while I’m kind of free after finishing my studies within a month. I have really started to like this guy, a lot (while I’m also CDing other guys in my town, but no special attraction to anyone these days).

    Other thing is, my ex M is coming to visit me for a week. Starting tomorrow. And I’m kind of freaked out about it. I was waiting him to come so long, although right now I feel I don’t care anymore. (We are in different countries right now, after our break-up last summer we have seen us once in February, and everything is still unresolved). I feel I might accept getting back with him out of loneliness and fear. Or maybe I still do love him a bit. But I feel I don’t know what love is anymore.

    I don’t know how to deal with this.

    What should I do?! I really want to go To New Zealand. But I’m also afraid how it would turn out.
    And I’d like to come to a solution with my ex which wouldn’t hurt anyone more it already has (our relationship ended as I was with somebody else, he’s still feeling hurt because of it.)

    I would be grateful for any input from a fellow siren!

    Thank you so much…

  22.  #22Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Epiphany – the more secure I feel in myself, the less I expect/need/want from my men. I feel relaxed and they feel relaxed, knowing that whatever they do is appreciated and whatever they don’t do is not a big deal.

  23.  #23lk on April 26, 2012 at 9:44 am

    ooo buried treasure : ) lol

  24.  #24CurvySiren10 on April 26, 2012 at 9:46 am

    It’s all okay Starla. Feel what you need to feel. Say whatever the heck you need to say right here. I think I can speak for everyone and say that’s what we are all here for. You are doing amazingly well.

  25.  #25Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 9:49 am

    @21 ulii – How far are you from New Zealand? Have you met this guy in person yet? Regardless of the answers to these questions, I wouldn’t visit him unless I had a friend or two come with me. This would take pressure off of the relationship during the trip, as well as keep you safe and entertained on your travels. What do you think?

  26.  #26Starla on April 26, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Thank you, CurvySiren

  27.  #27siren song on April 26, 2012 at 10:00 am

    hey starla!

    thanks for asking. CDing has been amazing. i have been out every night and leaning back like crazy…not an email, not a call initiated by me. feels awesome.

    i’m being really honest with the guy who is angry about how i get that he’s feeling angry but i don’t want to feel attacked…he seems to be turning it around a bit…no weird emails today. and he said he wants to go to counselling so he can deal with his anger ‘and move forward with me’.

    we’ll see.

    i have let go of the outcome. it’s kind of crazy…i thought i was before, but i totally wasn’t at all. i was saying i was letting go, but doing it to control the outcome…does that make sense?


  28.  #28ulii on April 26, 2012 at 10:02 am

    @25 Iamabutterfly

    thank you for the response! πŸ™‚
    I am in Europe. It would be over 24 hours flight with changing planes somewhere in Asia to get to NZ.
    I have not met him in person yet, but we have been chatting on and off since January, and I believe more or less he is how he shows himself.

    I could not afford right now to buy the ticket myself as for a trip to go with my friends (although I would like it, of course). Nor would most of my friends, I think. NZ CD wouldn’t invite my friends I guess.

  29.  #29Starla on April 26, 2012 at 10:04 am

    yes, i totally get what you mean by “letting go to control the outcome”
    i think i’m still there. but i’m faking letting go until i make it:P

  30.  #30Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Ulii that is an imaginary situation as you have not met. I couldn’t handle long distance dating with maybe a once/twice a year hook up. I could only travel sucg distance to be with a spouse.

  31.  #31Emerson on April 26, 2012 at 10:07 am

    I feel worried about you going to stay with a man you have never met in person in a faraway country. If you could stay in a hotel nearby, that would sound safer to me. If he was weird or turned violent you would not be out on the streets….Either way sounds risky and scary. I would not recommend it.
    Sorry to sound negative.

  32.  #32Emerson on April 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Also, he may not even be the person in the pictures! You never know….

  33.  #33Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 10:09 am

    RE 32 – so true

  34.  #34GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 10:22 am

    @21 ulii

    I agree with lamabutterfly. I wouldn’t want to go alone for safety reasons. You haven’t met him, so you just need to watch out for yourself.

  35.  #35GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 10:34 am

    “So I keep myself in this fragile place emotionally because it keeps me feeling connected somehow, and allows me to act in ways where I get rejected and then I feel inadequate and wrong and unlovable.

    Then I put up with things that I know I shouldn’t – but I also know that somehow I’m creating them because I’m more comfortable being rejected and trying to fight my way back in.”

    I fear this may be what I do.

  36.  #36Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 10:47 am

    by Dominique

    Embracing life is to welcome all of it with love and open arms. Experiencing the deepest lows allows for the highest highs. You cannot know one without knowing the other.

    An open heart has an inexhaustible capacity for love to flow in and out, but it also must make space for pain, hurt, and sadness to flow through just as readily.
    Growing Through Hurt To Love

    You grow through hurt; your heart, mind, and soul gain depth through pain.

  37.  #37GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 10:53 am

    When a guy is coming on strong and asking you a bunch of questions about yourself, do you just let him do his thing, or do you also ask him questions? Or is that masculine?

  38.  #38Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 10:54 am

    @36 FW – Thanks for sharing that. Great prose, Dominique! I feel so enlightened reading it…feels good.

  39.  #39Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 10:56 am

    @37 Giving Girl – I would just answer him in honest feeling messages. and tell him how his questions make you feel. “gosh, all these questions feel so strong and over-whelming and flattering (or too much, if that’s the case.” I don’t think it’s masculine to respond to his questions with questions about himself, but just mirror the types of things he asks you…I feel good that will keep the balance…

  40.  #40Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 10:56 am

    Discovering a more profound sense of my sensuality and my sexuality became my vehicle for working through my fears which led to an unveiling of a love for myself as well as a love for my man. I OPENED myself up in a way I’d never even imagined was possible. And in this I HEALED. And as I was doing this for myself, my relationship with my man turned into something SPECTACULAR.

    Tip #2: You MUST start believing that you are enough for him.

    In fact – that you’re more than plenty for him.

    You do this by taking your mind and focus OFF of him.

    Get involved in anything that feels good to you. Fill your life with all the feel good activities you can imagine, your work, your hobbies, or start new ones. Treat yourself really, really well be it a spa day or a luxurious bubble bath or a fancy bauble or a cheap trinket or whatever it is that makes you feel SENSUOUS and gorgeous, goddesslike.

    And then you MUST keep telling yourself over and over again how fabulous you are.

    It’s true anyway. You ARE fabulous!

    Every time you pass a mirror, smile at yourself. Blow yourself a big kiss. Caress yourself.

    It may feel strange at first. You may not believe yourself, but the more you do this, the more you will come to own this. You WILL believe how lucky your man is to have such an incredible woman in his life.

  41.  #41lk on April 26, 2012 at 10:59 am

    thanks, fw : ) that feels good to read (((((femininewoman)))))

  42.  #42Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 11:00 am

    GivingGirl if it is someone I have dated more than once I would ask questions too and let him know how naked, exposed or vulnerable the questions make me feel.

  43.  #43GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 11:00 am

    @39 lamabutterfly

    I tend to get nervous and I will answer his questions, but I don’t always think to question him back. For example, he asks what I do for a living and I tell him, but that’s it. I don’t bother asking him and it’s not that I don’t want to know, I’m just so nervous my mind kind of goes blank. I need to work on that.

  44.  #44GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 11:02 am

    @42 Femininewoman

    I was more referring to an initial meeting. A man you know nothing, or not much about.

  45.  #45GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 11:05 am

    @40 Femininewoman

    I love this and need to practice it more! πŸ™‚

  46.  #46Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 11:14 am

    GivingGirl depending on the question I tell him how I feel about the topic

    H: What kind of job do you do

    Me: I feel honored and challenged to work in the auto industry. How about you?

  47.  #47Starla on April 26, 2012 at 11:24 am

    basically, i need constant reassurance. ((((((((starla))))))))

  48.  #48Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 11:25 am

    @40 – Thanks, Feminine Woman! Beautiful. Brilliant.

  49.  #49Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 11:29 am

    40 is Dominique’s writing. You can click on the link to read the whole thing.

  50.  #50Daria on April 26, 2012 at 11:34 am

    im feeling a lot of anger after my interaction with NeighborCD yesterday and I can feel it iin my energy and responses to men in general

  51.  #51Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I also ask questions like “do you enjoy your job”? What do you do for fun? If he says he likes traveling I ask what is the most memorable trip he took.

    Complementing a man’s watch/electronic gadget, shoes, tie usually opens them up and get them talking about themselves.

  52.  #52Daria on April 26, 2012 at 11:37 am

    im feeling “annoyed’ and ‘cant be bothered’ with all of them

    i would label this ‘anxiety’

    so now waht

  53.  #53Mochaberri on April 26, 2012 at 11:41 am


    You are doing great with your healing!!!!

    You give me inspiration to heal my issues with KR which is dead on in this artilce – anxiety that I experience more than I can imagine.

  54.  #54Mochaberri on April 26, 2012 at 11:41 am


    You are doing great with your healing!!!!

    You give me inspiration to heal my issues with KR which is dead on in this artilce – anxiety that I experience more than I can imagine.

  55.  #55Mochaberri on April 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

    How can I have an open herat when I’m experiencing anxiety??
    Or is that even possible?

    Any suggestions on how to keep my heart open

  56.  #56Iamabutterfly on April 26, 2012 at 11:43 am

    @43 Giving Girl – I understand. I can be the same way. I find that the more I practice listening at Level 2 with guys, the easier it is for me to feel curious about them and ask them related questions. Good luck!

  57.  #57Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Mochaberri I go around thinking of my heart with a light in a plastic ziplock bag. As I go through especially when I expect to interact with some one I want to connect with, I think of unzippering the bag and allowing my heartto breathe as I imagine the light shining through and flickering as if communicating with the other person’s heart.

  58.  #58Starla on April 26, 2012 at 11:59 am

    aaauuughhhh i feel so stagnant, f*ck this! going to move a bit and walk to lunch.

  59.  #59Dominique on April 26, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman – Sending love and big, big hugs, as well as some extra finger healing energy.


  60.  #60Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    i feel so mad and sad

  61.  #61Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    ohh im doing the Star supernova tool from love scripts

    i get it, ive been depressing my emotions

    let them fleow!

    ooh! i feel relief!

    i feel pounding heart

    i feel powerful

    i feel ouchie

    i feel pain

    i feel sadness

    i feel disappointment

    i feel anger


    i CAN handle all these feelings

    im a bursting star!

    with magma star lava

  62.  #62Dominique on April 26, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Mochaberri – Yes it is possible to keep an open heart and feel anxiety, anger, hate even. Not so easy though. It’s a process like anything else.

    What works for me is being aware of the anxiety, fear, anger, whatever negative feeling; feeling it, and then actively put a brake on it, and feel into my heart, deep into my heart where love always resides.

    It may pop back into the negative feelings again, and this is okay. Do it again, and again and again and again.


  63.  #63Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    i feel amused smiling happy!

  64.  #64Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    Mochaberry I am doing it right now with the Star tool

  65.  #65Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    i feel so excited that this is working for me!


    my heart felt pained and nwo im feeling FREE and open again! weeeeeeeheee

  66.  #66lk on April 26, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    happy happy happy i feel

  67.  #67lk on April 26, 2012 at 12:12 pm


  68.  #68Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I personally don’t ask questions just remain open and feeling messages

    when i do ask, i want to make sure im coming from a curious, and not evaluative: does he fit into my plan for life – energy

  69.  #69Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    thanks LK πŸ™‚

  70.  #70Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    all the previously ‘jerky’ cuties are coming around now and wanting to see me πŸ™‚ yay!

  71.  #71Daria on April 26, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    And im way less stressed now that i AM answering texts and not rolling my eyes at every text i get and ignoring it

  72.  #72Starla on April 26, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    hmph, pout.
    i love me
    and i deserve to have big love in my life!
    *crosses arms*
    *stomps feet*

  73.  #73GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    @46 Femininewoman

    You sound so cool and collected. I’m just a nervous mess.

  74.  #74Starla on April 26, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    that’s okay

  75.  #75Starla on April 26, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    (thank you everyone for your supportive comments to me, too)

  76.  #76Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Right ok.. so new dilemma haha

    Everything was going fine today..

    until my bf suddenly asked me about a mans name?

    Appraently he’d seen on my facebook that he’d writeen on my wall but I’d deleted it..

    The guy was someone who my friend knows who was out one weekend when I was and he’d strangely wrote on my facebook wall asking when we were all going out again.. It was harmless but it looked bad so I deleted it..

    Well I tried to explain this to my bf but he now seems to think Ive een up to something when I clearly havnt..

    He’s having none of it and has told me to leave him alone for a bit..

    So I said fine..

    I’m not too upset over this as I know I havnt done anything wrong but can you give any advice on what I should say/do next as I dont want to leave him stressing over nothing..

    It’s silly really..

  77.  #77Starla on April 26, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    i am just not okay. thursday seems to be my “not okay” day. i wonder why that is.

  78.  #78Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    ..Im actually now thinking maybe this has been playing no his mind all week and maybe thats why he hasnt been sending the nice texts aswell.. hmmm

  79.  #79Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 12:52 pm


    It feels so freeing and empowering to just flow in feelings! I feel fully woman when I feel, and I operate in my every day life with so much more purpose and power! I love to let go of boy energy and just feel who i am and what I need to do.

  80.  #80Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    GG you are not. I believe you just need to stay aware. Also talking to yourself helps, “what am I feeling”?

  81.  #81Turquoise on April 26, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Starla… What really helps get your mind off men/cf? How about a new piece of furniture? If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist right? When I feel obsessive, I get lost in a project, movie, a book, work, just something to shift my energy. Eventually…. I realize more and more time has passed without me feeling awful, and it starts to get easier! Hugs!!!!!! I know it’s hard.

  82.  #82Starla on April 26, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Thank you, Turquoise! What makes it hard is being stuck at the work desk here in the office. Otherwise, the energy moves out of me.

  83.  #83Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    wow the cuties are also smart!

  84.  #84GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    @51 Femininewoman

    Yes, I noticed he wasn’t really talking about himself. After I answered his question of things I like to do, I said, how about you? (This was the only question I asked him). He replied, with each thing I said and said, yea, that’s ok or I like that, but didn’t elaborate on his own things. He likes hockey, I know that cause it was on the TV. And he read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People for his job, but that’s pretty much all he said about himself.

  85.  #85GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    I decided I want to have a party soon. I sent a message to Mr. Observant and asked for his email for the evite. He always comes to my parties with my other friends, so I figured I would invite him for real.

    He replied, Thanks for thinking of me. (email address)

    He seems so nice.

    BoatGuy is still just being random.

  86.  #86Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Slippin Goddess – actually , he has YOU stressin over nothing

    you deserve to be instantly believed and you deserve to do waht you want to do and have anyone write on your wall!

    i feel angry for you , i would want to be on a pedestal treated royally

    its great that your man is sharing his anger and it Doesnt feel good to be treated that way

    id love to in your situation keep my focus on me instead of going over into his head and feelings and mommying him

    i feel angry! i feel bad! i dont want to feel this way

  87.  #87GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Thank you, lamabutterfly! πŸ™‚

  88.  #88Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    i feel so mad about this… and i feel all desperate like something is slipping through my fingers

    i feel shaky

  89.  #89Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    thank you for being honest, and i want to honor your anger, and this feels bad… i dotn want to be treated this way

  90.  #90GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    @68 Daria

    Good point. Curious, not evaluating.

  91.  #91Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Ahh I wish Id have read your comment a few minutes earlier Daria, you’re right..

    I sent him a message saying “I dont want you stressing in work. Just so you know theres no need to.. You can trust me..”

    Mommying him like you said I guess..
    If he just ignores me now then that is probably going to make me angry.. and I havnt done anything! haha
    but then I would probably be funny in his situation and jump to conclusions.. So I’ve got to look at it from both sides I guess?

  92.  #92GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    Slippin Goddess

    That is tough. In my experience, if you don’t defend yourself, it may seem like you are guilty, but if you defend yourself too much, it will seem like you are guilty too. So, find a middle ground to let him know there’s nothing going on, but don’t be too worried about it that it comes off as covering up something.

    I had a similar situation with BoatGuy and he avoided it, didn’t want to talk about it, and it made him look guilty. Now that I am aware he runs away from the first sign of conflict, I see it may not have been anything. So, play it cool and he’ll see that you mean what you say. Just be honest and forthcoming and he’ll be able to read that.

  93.  #93GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    @80 Femininewoman

    Oh, I am. I feel myself tensing up and holding my breath. My mind freaks out a little. I’m not sure if that’s how I come off to him, but that’s what I feel inside. I do talk and my voice is not quivering or anything, but I feel like a mess.

    I do need to stay more aware and not so much in my head with my racing thoughts.

  94.  #94lk on April 26, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    i’m all…. virtual & 2-Dimensional now : ) lol

    & i updated another picture & it makes me feel like i’m…. Modern & ……. like there is paparazzi LOL : ))

  95.  #95GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    @82 Starla

    I find work to be the hardest too. At least at home I can find enjoyable things easier. Work is a bore and I can’t get lost in it.

    You are doing so well though. It’s ok to have an off day. You can take care of you better when work is over.


  96.  #96Starla on April 26, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    maybe i can just start planning thursday as my depressive day.

  97.  #97Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    (((lk))) your picture reminds me of me! yay that feels nice

    im giving myself a compliment and you too heheh yess easy!

  98.  #98Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    Now I am starting to feel upset and angry seen as hes ignoring me..

    arghh! Men!

  99.  #99Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Slippin Goddess – I don’t have to look at it from both sides, or be ‘understanding’

    all I gotta do is stay focused on my feelings. I can trust your feelings. they have already included and taken in consideration ‘his side’ too…

    i can shift my perspective too

    like yay, this is actually a GOOD thing that he’s stressing this way, it helps him get closer to how much he wants me

    and my anxiety is GOOD , just like in Rori’s article

  100.  #100Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I am procrastinating. I don’t want to do what I need to do. Lil girl, you can slow down the task and make it a romantic, taking care of yourself task.


  101.  #101Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Radlove – ooohhh i love that, slow down the task and make it romantic… i love when ive been doing that! it feels so good to see the way you wrote it out!! Thank you…

  102.  #102Jessie1000 on April 26, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Slippin Goddess
    I would be like ….ohhhh your jealous! U like me? What Im not allowed to have friends? Ohhh this is fun! When you are jealous over my friends then I feel so good! Oh are your feelings for me making you get paranoid? lol
    I always tell me Beau that he is paranoid and its so fun when he tells me that he wants me all to himself…lol
    Dont defend unless you got a ring on your finger…
    In fact, my Beau the other day tried to give me a car so I could give back my expensive lease and I teased him and said….oh your not my husband so I cant take that stuff from you….
    his reaction?
    I am too lol
    I still didnt take the car….because he has to pop the question before I take on any kind of ties with any man…lol

  103.  #103Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    i got SO many men and 3 that i would feel all cool being seen with hehehehehe

  104.  #104Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Jessie – i would so take the car! that is a gift not a tie!

    receiving receiving

    mm i ‘rejected’ a car offer once too and caught myself and took it back

  105.  #105Jessie1000 on April 26, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Thinking about anxiety…I actually get extreme anxiety when leaning back…terrible
    I hate it what my mind goes through and at first when I started the Rori tools, it was so profoundly painful that I thought I would never put them into practice…but now, after some positive feedback from guys about how different I am now and different I am from other girls, and seeing them come back even when i dropped away cause they bugged me….
    the anxiety has lessened alot and when I get my WAY! omg I feel so good and so relaxed~
    My way means, they come to me, they text me off the hook, they talk about commitment when I dont even whisper it….so I feel for once that Im not controlling things but good is still happening
    and im much sexier to myself and them when i dont overfunction….passion is around all the time….so
    be aware that the anxiety may be very intense when changing things at first….but wait and let the universe surprise you with goodness! and see how much people like you without you lifting a finger!!!!

  106.  #106Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    heee + i felt connected to one of the fly ones, AND to antoher that is also kinda fly and down to earth

    AND its all cuz of the shift in ME! i know how to answer them now while keeping myself on the pedestal and also opening up



    πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  107.  #107GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    @105 Jessie

    Reading that felt so nice and encouraging! πŸ™‚

  108.  #108Jessie1000 on April 26, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Daria…lol, It was so flattering when he offered the car…he sells cars for a living and it bothers him that I have an expensive lease when he could just give me one for free…
    But i want him…not a car
    I want him to marry me or at least Want to marry me
    I think he is avoiding saying that he wants me flat out by offering the car instead
    Is it easier for men to offer money or things than really speak their feelings….?
    I want him to say he loves me and he wants to be forever…..with me….
    (even though half the time i get really terrified of it but it is still nice when they say it …even if I am an emotional basket case….lol)
    What do I do about that one–Daria?
    Can u think of a feeling message for me that I might spit out….?

  109.  #109Jessie1000 on April 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Hugs Giving Girl
    I wish it wasnt such a painful process….
    I didnt even know I was so insecure until I tried something new
    I didnt even think that my way with men might be backfiring….
    I hope you get through it all honey cause its a process….

  110.  #110Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    @ Daria

    “this is actually a GOOD thing that he’s stressing this way, it helps him get closer to how much he wants me”

    If thats true, then I like that!

    haha It makes me feel good, thanks


    I like your vibe! Thankyou

    He’s just ignored me though since telling me to leave him alone a few hours ago..

    I dont take well to being ignored

    Its funny Ive leaned back and just been relaxed all day and hes been practically begging for me to go down..
    Funny how quick things can switch..

  111.  #111GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    @ Jessie

    That’s the hardest part to get them to speak their feelings. Sigh

  112.  #112Jessie1000 on April 26, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Ohh starla…that sucks when you said you plan for thursday as a depressive day…lol
    I just fell asleep in a committee meeting at school and the girl beside me kicked my chair and coughed lol
    when they adjourned the meeting I said praise the lord and ran out of the room…it was so freaking boring….
    maybe you are just a genius and you get bored with ur job?
    sorry to hear that and I hope you feel better soon…working while having men troubles is so extremely difficult….

  113.  #113Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    im his anchor

  114.  #114Daria on April 26, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    yay jessie πŸ™‚

  115.  #115Starla on April 26, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    jessie (and everyone, really), your posts always make me feel brighter:)

  116.  #116Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Mine gave me a flash car to use aswell.. We kinda share it but I have it most and he lives over an hour away so its practically mine..
    Pays a rediculous amount on insurance aswell having me on there..
    Bless him..

    Anyways.. back to hating on him.. ignorant twit πŸ˜‰

  117.  #117Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Jessie – i would accept the car, maybe his love language is gifts and your is words of appreciation (so is mine)

    then when he gives it to you and you RECEIVE it, he falls even MORE in love with you and you will get more of what you want

  118.  #118Jessie1000 on April 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Me and my beau have been sleeping together now…no sex but he stays the night in my house now….
    it seems to have slowed down our ability to talk for some reason
    why is that?
    I guess before it was a very emotional situation but now it seems like the physical is so lovely but now I think….that he thinks he can SHOW me instead of speaking to me…yuck
    but he does give good hugs and is very respectful and the extra time alone makes me feel very secure and he kicked me off POF and had a fit about it
    Like a big fit ….lol and said that he was super serious and didnt want me to see anyone else….so here is where i sit…

  119.  #119Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    not accepting the car seems to come with a judgement that he’s offering a car INSTEAD of himself and he probably won’t feel seen or appreciated in that energy space

  120.  #120Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Jessie – it sounds like its time for the no Gf speech… he’s asking for exclusivity and not offering commitment…

    here comes NO GF speech yay!

  121.  #121Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    What if you became their girlfriend before you knew about the ‘no gf’ speech? haha

  122.  #122Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Slippin Goddess – yes, thats how it works from rori, when we lean back they figure it out themselves how much they want us… and their getting angry over other men is GOOD! that really gets them clear on how much they love us

    this is a great opp for you too to notice your feelings – your anger is always proportional to how much you ‘invested’ leaned forward in the relationship

    if you no lean forward… you won’t feel so angry!

    now that you did… you DO feel angry!


    and its ok (((Slippin Goddess)))

    just experimenting!

  123.  #123Sun Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    I leaned way forward with music man today. His being quiet was driving me crazy. I invited him to take tomorrow off and he was all excited sounding but he doesn’t have any days left, so I guessing I am going into work tomorrow…boo!

  124.  #124Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Slippin Goddess – then you find yourself in the gf trap!

    and your man (most commonly) will stagnate the relationship and you’ll have to give the no gf speech i want to be married anyway

    if its progressing towards marriage at a pace your comfortable with, then you can continue exclusivity for maybe 3 to 6 months (before he proposes, and if he doesn’t no gf speech)

    also share w the man that you want to be married and a mother (if thats true) and what YOU want for your happily ever after – and FIRST… you want to IMAGINE and get aquianted with your happily ever after

  125.  #125Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    (((Sun Goddess)))

  126.  #126Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    That makes perfect sense.. So true!

    Daria.. you’re ace! πŸ˜‰ ..your words and advice make me feel SO much better.. always!

    Any suggestions on what to do now?
    Leave him and just ignore back now.. or send a feeling message before bed?

  127.  #127Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    sooo many guys are wanting to see me today WEEE

  128.  #128ulii on April 26, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman, Emerson, Iamabutterfly, GivingGirl for your comments and worrying for my safety!! It makes me feel looked after & good! πŸ™‚

    I don’t really believe there is a safety issue with this guy. Believe me, I have been quite a traveler already.. and done many things that have been crazier considering safety: hitch-hiking all over Europe with friends & alone, walking hundreds of kilometers pilgrimage roads all by myself & took a plane to go to see a lover, who did seem suspicious (at the end he was ok, just that this only physical adventure wouldn’t be what i wanted after all)…

    With NewZealandCD, although I have not seen him in person, I have seen his childhood & family pictures.. We have been talking a lot during many months. Also by skype. And I feel he is safe. What worries me, is if the real attraction would be there and if I’d stay in his house, how it would affect the dating life (he has offered me a room of my own). We both agree we have to see each other, before we can say there’s something real. But there has been talking of marriage & children etc. So for me, the question is, do I even start this adventure by accepting the invitation. I might consider staying in a hostel first days, to see how it’s going. He is from Europe too and planning to come back within a year, so i guess there’s no problem in that we would return at some point, if we’d be together.

    And if it doesn’t work out, I could stay there for my own reasons too. I am actually considering going some foreign country again, far & totally different from where I have been living before. Find work there etc. And eventually return to Europe within a year or two.

  129.  #129Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:19 pm

    Slippin Goddess – ohhhh this is your opportunity to experiment with shifting the energy… whats cool is that no matter how much you ‘messed up’ leaning forward etc, as soon as YOU actually switch your vibe to leaning back, the energy ON ITS OWN rights iteself and the connection feels good again (even froma distance)

    so now, I would experiment with this leaning back… def no more contacting him… and Choose the belief that this is GOOD! and healing and will bring you closer together that he’s all mad and grumbly and to himself, and also that you’re feeling anxious (as per Rori’s article)

    and NOW… REALLY LEAN BACK… by putting your attention out the window, and behaving lke this man does NOT exist (unless he’s in front of your face) and doing NICE STUFF FOR YOU!

    Be his Anchor!

    you be you, in your space, as he drifts away from you, you remain solid, stable, yet deep in your goddess space, and he will be anchored to you and come back to you refreshed and recharged!

    (ps be aware that he may come back spewing anger at you, you want to facilitate that : “oh thatnk you for letting me knwo how you feel I hear that you’re angry, thank you for being honest with me… (AND IF IT FEELS BAD: and this feels bad, i don’t want to be talked to this way, im gonna go now (if it doesnt shift to better after the first ‘i feel bad’))

    and wow! the whole relationship can shift forever to wonderful from thereon!

    and remember… its just practice !

    you always get another chance to experiment again

  130.  #130Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    if hearing his anger feels good and you’re not feeling bad/blamed/attacked : “i feel so honored that you’re sharing this with me, it feels so good taht we can talk about this… i so appreciate feeling connected to you this way, this feels deep and cool, etc”

  131.  #131Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    GGirl I say again I don’t believe you are a mess. Those are your feelings. It seems to me you are talking bad to yourself.

  132.  #132Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    ulii – i would not go stay in his house… that would be the ultimate gf trap… i forgot why he’s not visiting you instead (work?) … i would let him visit, OR ask him to book you a hotel room for you to stay in (he might not want to but oh well)

    circular date men around you! that you can see face to face… get a chance to practice the tools live on many many men! and i mean more than 10, something like hundreds! then you get your RELATIONAL SKILLS up to par to have a great relationship with a man who wants you

  133.  #133Slippin' Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Perfect Daria, thank you so much! πŸ™‚
    You’re advice makes so much sense!

    I bet Rori’s proud of you!

  134.  #134Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    thanks Slippin Goddess … i feel all smily!

    I bet she is too!


  135.  #135Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    this guy is wanting to ‘help me’ with my artist career and i feel all steamroolled
    i want to receive and if eel terrified
    i mean potentially if i can see it as good thing this can be good!

  136.  #136Daria on April 26, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    this older than me man, 49, has been pursuing me on this site for EVER and i havent really given him any attention but lately i started to a bit and nwo he wants to see me heheh so cute

    also neighbor cd is like 41 or 42 i think

    go me! i got em from 18 to 49

  137.  #137Starla on April 26, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    i am actually feeling an urgency to try to contact CF! wow! I wonder how long I will feel this for. Don’t worry, though, I shant.

    Maybe I should create a Challenge for myself, like Lizka. The “get over CF” challenge. Yesterday was day 1 and I did a good job:). I worked on my translation blog and cried for the first time at therapy and learned about how it’s perfectly normal to be a total wreck for a month or two after getting your heart broken. I cooked myself food and took care of me.

    Today I’m going to the gym:)

  138.  #138Starla on April 26, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    And I’m going to go home and luxuriate in the shower and straighten my hair in the morning and get really gussied up for a date tomorrow night.

    Alaska is my “date” but he’s also in friend territory, because *I* put him there, so as not to move too fast with a rebound.

  139.  #139Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Any news from Kenya?

  140.  #140Starla on April 26, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    I also stuck him in the friend zone cuz he needs to earn anything more. I used to date him and it felt awful. Being buddies feels better, although I can definitely soak up his romantic energy and it’s nice that he pays for things sometimes:). And I can practice being a rockstar on him.

    He’s basically my big experiment. And I appreciate what he is bringing to my life right now.

  141.  #141Starla on April 26, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Kenya hits me up from time to time for drinks but never when I’m free. He last said, “Dang, girl, I’m gonna need to make an appointment with you.”


  142.  #142Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    I am feeling profoundly proficient, proud of myself and all smiley at how good I am doing now feeding myself with my left hand.

  143.  #143Femininewoman on April 26, 2012 at 3:27 pm


  144.  #144GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    @128 ulii

    You are much braver than I! It is a tough decision. I would agree with not staying with him the first night. What if things don’t seem right? It’s best to have an out just in case.

  145.  #145GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 3:40 pm


    Reading your advice always feels good.

  146.  #146GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    @131 FW

    Thank you! πŸ™‚ Yes, I can be harsh with myself.

  147.  #147GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    @142 FW

    That’s good to hear. I hope you’re healing up fast.

  148.  #148Sun Goddess on April 26, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    Yeah, music man is trying to see me tonight now!

  149.  #149Daria on April 26, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    wow! while i was in the shower Getright man called AND LEFT A VOICEMAIL!!! to call him back wow!

    he sounded drunk tho

    and … Neighbor CD has been texting me! i haven’t answered

    and now i gota smoke meeting coming up with that one older guy


    i love hanging out with guys i thought were ‘creepy’ (i used to thnk that of Neighbor CD) it really helps me grow my truth telling and perception shift skills!

  150.  #150Daria on April 26, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    nieghbor cd is crakin jokes and complimenting me! on text wtf lol im looling

  151.  #151Lucy on April 26, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    How am I always the last to know when there is a new post? πŸ™‚

    I read all the comments – Sending love and hugs to everyone. <3

  152.  #152GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    I’m so used to overfunctioning & leaning forward, I’m not feeling confident as to what I should & shouldn’t do to not do those things.

    Do you think I should reply to Mr. Observant’s message or do I not have to? Cause I feel like I should, but I’m not sure if I should. I don’t want to be rude though.

  153.  #153Daria on April 26, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Thanks Giving Girl! that feels lovely to read

  154.  #154Daria on April 26, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Giving Girl – rule of thumb is to let the man have the last word…

    what are you replying about?

  155.  #155GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    @154 Daria

    Then I should leave it be.

    I messaged him on FB asking for his email for an evite. My friend usually brings him along, so I thought I would invite him this time.

    He replied with his email & said “thanks for thinking of me.”

  156.  #156Jessie1000 on April 26, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    daria…im afraid its worse than that….hes offering commitment but i shut him down so many times and got so so freaked out that i think he stoppped…
    he showed up with a “surprise” had an obvious ring box in his pocket, then he asked me if i really liked gold or not (since i wear alot of silver) lol
    and i told him i hate jewelllery and that I throw it out….he looked so sad
    I asked him later about his surprise and he said he didnt have one….poor thing
    im so afraid to get married again
    so I frigged it all up and now
    instead of trying to convince me (lol who would???)
    i think hes trying a round about way
    like buy me off
    or something else
    im so so so afraid to be in love
    or make promises
    or live together
    and now we almost live together
    it makes me feel like im stuck in an elevator
    and the ceiling is crushing me at the same time
    and my jeans are too tight
    terrible feeling lol

  157.  #157Lucy on April 26, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    My guy and I always get along better when we are broken up…. am feeling soft and loving and tender toward him. I wonder if there is a way to carry this into a relationship…..

  158.  #158Daria on April 26, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Jessie – sounds like it might benefit to imagine your forever after… what that would look like for you… and pick some images from it to immerse yourself in the feeling of them

  159.  #159Daria on April 26, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    GivingGirl – personally i WOULD respond with a “:)”

    or a “sure :)”

  160.  #160GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Awww (((Lucy)))

  161.  #161GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Thanks, Daria. πŸ™‚

  162.  #162GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    His reply just feels so sweet to me…made me smile.

  163.  #163Daria on April 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    heee this exciting sounding guy asked me out for Sunday all manly and decisive like πŸ™‚ yay

  164.  #164Daria on April 26, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Giving Girl – then how about “aww that feels so sweet πŸ™‚ i feel smily”

  165.  #165GivingGirl on April 26, 2012 at 5:15 pm


    Yay for you.

    I replied, Sure πŸ™‚

    I don’t want to be too friendly cause he’s going through a divorce & I’d rather wait till it’s final.

  166.  #166Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 5:56 pm


    156 – Perfect love casts out fear. Baby step by baby step, I hope you can let down the walls of fear and let in his love.

  167.  #167Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 5:58 pm


    I am thinking about you. Everything will work out as it should. We should get together soon. I miss you.

  168.  #168Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    I got the basics done that I needed to today. My friend, Cassandre, gave me a whole carload of stuff to sell at a flea market. It helped her by getting rid of it easily, and it helped me immensely, because I got the pick of it for free, and I get to sell some.

    So instead of trying to do it all which was more than I could handle in one day, I just kept it simple and got the flea market stuff sorted. I still need to take photos of the more valuable stuff and put it online to sell. If it doesn’t sell there, I’ll take it to the flea market.

    I am really excited about going to the flea market. It is one of the few times I will get out in my new neighborhood. I look forward to dolling up and meeting new people…maybe some men?!

  169.  #169Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    I’m applying for a lot of jobs, some with pharmaceutical companies, and some with human services organizations. Today I applied to be an addictions counselor. i would really be good at that.

  170.  #170Lucy on April 26, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Radlove, the addictions counselor job sounds awesome! I would like that too – and I agree you would be great at it!

  171.  #171Brandylion on April 26, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Oh sirens, I feel so amused! A college-age guy struck up a conversation with me on OkCupid. This morning his message said that he runs about 4 miles max. This afternoon another message said he might try to run the same marathon I’m doing in 3.5 weeks as preparation for a wrestling event at the end of May.

    I kind of want to pinch his cheeks and say, “Oh look how cute you are, trying to impress me with your manly prowess!” Except I am just SMH–I don’t think he realizes yet that I’ve been training for this since January! LOL!

  172.  #172Turquoise on April 26, 2012 at 6:35 pm Girls! Look at what I am going to!!!!!! Whooo hoo!!!!!!!! So excited! I love what’s coming into my life!

  173.  #173Starla on April 26, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    yessss my workout felt great
    It is such a great outlet for me

    we BOXED! my knuckles are all so bloody but I feel proud of my toughness. I didn’t know I could box!!

  174.  #174GingerSky on April 26, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    lk, what a beautiful picture!

  175.  #175Starla on April 26, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    i want to do a big change to my hair color, but i feel scared and unsure of what to do. I want something dark, i believe.

  176.  #176Starla on April 26, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    I’ve been thinking about Lizka all day and how she is my inspiration to focus on myself and take care of me and lean back:)

  177.  #177Coco Kisses on April 26, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    I understand how u feel, last night i cried so hard u would have thought domebody died. It felt good tjough to release the negative feelings…i too am embracing every emotion that comes with divorce and allowing myself to be vulnerable..lately i have been feeling angry

  178.  #178Starla on April 26, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    ((((((((((((((coco kisses)))))))))))))))))))))

  179.  #179Turquoise on April 26, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    (((((Starla))))) and (((((coco kisses)))))

  180.  #180Starla on April 26, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    dark dark brown it is
    +grey contacts
    will be my reward in a few weeks if i keep up with my fitness plan:)

    i feel soooo excited for a drastic, fun change that i can wear around without feeling self conscious about being too ‘out there’.

  181.  #181Starla on April 26, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    I feel so curious if I will feel any different when I have my bikini body and new hair and whitened teeth and maybe even nicer skin.

    Speaking of, has anyone here had any experience with peels for the face? A dermatologist recommended them to me, but she was pretty coked up and freaked me out…seriously…

  182.  #182Starla on April 26, 2012 at 10:07 pm

    i never really concerned myself extensively with this vanity stuff beyond clothes and makeup and my hair. When I was a kid, I was picked on for being “ugly,” and now that I’m older and people instead tell me they find me beautiful… So I feel curious about, as opposed to cornered into, making myself over as much as possible, just to see what it feels like.

  183.  #183Dominique on April 26, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    Starla – It depends on many things, your skin type, what issues if any you have with it, what type of peel, what you are looking to achieve…and so on.

    Why do you want to do a peel?


  184.  #184Starla on April 26, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    Hey Dominique:). Because i have enlarged pores and scarring from acne. i still have a little acne, but it’s the old marks that are making my skin look worse than it actually is. It also makes it hard to wear any sort of believable face makeup, since the texture of my skin is a dead giveaway that I’ve caked makeup on it. What do you think?

  185.  #185Radiant Rising on April 26, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Hi Starla,

    I actually started to get facial extractions and peels starting at the age of 27 (34 now) and my skin is awesome now. I used to suffer from terrible horrible acne. Right now I am working at the spa where I fixed my skin because the owner of it was my esthetician and she and I became very good friends. Just today a client walked in and said I had beautiful skin! She asked my friend/esthetician/boss what my secret was. I simply said it was her! So the point is, getting professional skin care and peels gives your skin a great healing boost that it deserves.

    I got extractions, and enzyme peels, like pomegranite peels, and later worked up to a strong vitamin a purity peels. These are all from the Cosmedix brand. In conjunction I also used the products she recommended (from the same brand company) for my skin type, as well as a huge change in diet. My diet changed to 60 to 70 percent raw fruits and vegetables (eating fruits on an empty stomach) and brown rice, seiten (wheat meat) and fish. The more anti-inflammatory the better. So yes, I had great experiences with enzyme as well as chemical peels. Hope that helped some. πŸ™‚

  186.  #186Dominique on April 26, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    Starla – I’m not a big fan of extractions, sorry Radiant, unless there is cyst or there are blackheads or whiteheads trapped in the skin, and even then you need someone with great experience, so your skin is not damaged.

    Microdermabrasion would be good for the pitting and scarring, and I would start with lactic acid peel, see how you do, then try salicylic acid peels, the glycolic. The latter two come in varying strengths and also combined (alpha/beta peel). Start slowly. All are good peels, but be aware of excessive itching, stinging, burning, redness.

    Lactic acid is the most gentle and can be used daily. The others require more care.

    Let me know if you have more questions.


  187.  #187Starla on April 26, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Wow Radiant, I feel very happy for you and your positive experience!

  188.  #188Radiant Rising on April 26, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Hi Dominique,

    extractions were for me because I did have cystic acne. My post was outlining my experience, not saying Starla should get them. If and when she decides to see a professional they will analyze her skin and let her know what treatment she needs, which is not always extractions. I just wanted to let her know that I have had experience with it professionally and they have done wonders for my skin. There are lots of options. Thank you.

  189.  #189Radiant Rising on April 26, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Thanks Starla There are tons of options! πŸ™‚

  190.  #190Starla on April 26, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Thank you to both of you for all this information!!

    I think I know just what to do now:) I feel excited.

  191.  #191Dominique on April 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm

    Yes Radiant, I understand, and I too feel good knowing you had a positive experience.


  192.  #192Radiant Rising on April 26, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Thanks Dominique! I feel warm and gooey on the inside. πŸ™‚

  193.  #193Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 10:55 pm


    RE: #181 – “Speaking of, has anyone here had any experience with peels for the face?”

    I heard on TV that Kate’s secret for her glowing skin on the royal wedding is something she got from Camille:

    Bee venom applied to the face like a mask!

    I can’t imagine!

  194.  #194Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    P.S. They said some have even used snake venom.

    Noway for me! Eating fruit is my number one facial treatment. It is good for cleaning teeth too!

    When i was doing major amounts of fruit in the early 90s, I got my teeth cleaned. They asked how long it had been since I got them cleaned. I said 3-4 years, feeling embarraasssed.

    They said 3-4 years??!! They have virtually no plaque! That was cuz of eating raw fruit. They didn’t believe me I don’t think .

  195.  #195Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    I’m watching Wild Russia on Animal Planet. I wish losing weight was as easy as hibernating 6 months like a bear, LOL. I want to be a bear. πŸ™‚

  196.  #196Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    Why do they think narrators for animal shows have to have a boring monotone and an English accent? LOL. I far prefer the enthusiasm of Steve Irwin on the Crocodile Hunter. The world lost a great asset when he went.

    Brenda, go to sleep.

  197.  #197Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    I’m glad I don’t live in the ocean tho. I would feel so scared and claustrophobic. I think best of all I would like to be myself.

  198.  #198Radlove on April 26, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    I feel lonely. That’s why I don’t want to go to bed.

  199.  #199Daria on April 26, 2012 at 11:33 pm


  200.  #200Daria on April 26, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    have you tried those margaret lynch videos? they make me instanteneously HAPPY

  201.  #201Daria on April 26, 2012 at 11:35 pm

    it makes me feel closer to God

  202.  #202Daria on April 27, 2012 at 2:33 am

    hmm hypnosis i have feels so good… it feels really restful to me

    also… my singing feels really emotional and moving

  203.  #203Daria on April 27, 2012 at 2:51 am

    talk to me blog

    Daria I love how you are even when you are out the window around the men, and just enjoying your surroundings and not looking at him… and if he’s talking at him you can take him in at level 2 and 3

    you are peace you are honor you are love you are healing you are freshness moisture nature joy


    you are deep you are wave you are stirring you are mmmm

  204.  #204Sirenity on April 27, 2012 at 2:59 am

    Hi Daria , SINGING feels amazing to me. I have found it again after a ten year gap and found a new teacher. I sing classical. I love the emotional energy of singing. I love the feeling in my chest when i sing.

    I am going to sing later today. My son has left and gone to his dad’s , Me and doggy here alone. Singing fills some of the emptiness.And I love the challenge of doing it really well. It feels joyous and I feel excited when i create lovely sounds.

  205.  #205Sirenity on April 27, 2012 at 3:02 am

    I have a CD for the weekend with a short man (shorter than me) . Its great practice with receiving .He stepped up to drive 90 mins to me for lunch. We have quite a lot in common. I dont feel so attracted to him but he has a nice voice.

    Those deep male voices thrill me. His isnt so deep.
    I am more attracted to Baritone CD and we are talking about singing together soon.

  206.  #206Daria on April 27, 2012 at 3:11 am

    (((Sirenity))) amazing… i sing something i call “heartsong” like Happy Feet the music

    what is classical like ?

  207.  #207Daria on April 27, 2012 at 3:12 am

    it feels exciting to connect through singing here πŸ™‚

  208.  #208Sirenity on April 27, 2012 at 3:35 am

    Classical feels very emotional . I am currently singing in German and French and despite the language or whether it is two hundred years old the FEELINGS are universal. Hearts soaring or breaking , sounds carrying the feelings. Its also an old fashioned “accomplishment and I feel connected to my grandmother and great grandmother when i do it.

    Yours sounds FUN. I will check it out.

  209.  #209Daria on April 27, 2012 at 3:53 am

    hehe Sirenity you can check it out when i record it… its just my personal singing i called it ‘heartsong’ myself inspired by the Happy Feet pinguin kids music

    here’s a song healer lady that i first felt accepted to sing by:

  210.  #210Sirenity on April 27, 2012 at 4:09 am

    Love the water song.

  211.  #211Daria on April 27, 2012 at 4:25 am

    πŸ™‚ im feeling inspired and checking out different types of tuning and discovering stuff about myself and my cultural music it feels … profound… deep… ancient soul(ing)

    right now im feeling pulled in by this guy playing in this scale:

  212.  #212Aurora Girl on April 27, 2012 at 4:37 am

    Good morning Chickies….

    well I’ll just jump right in….lots of anxiety and wanting to withdraw and old patterns last few days…

    Sweety called me a name in jest, which I knew was derogatory. He thought it meant something else, which it didn’t. At first I let it go. Then I raised it briefly how I was surprised he used the word and again he said he wouldn’t call me any thing negative and that he was sure it meant something else. It bugged me so I looked it up to be sure. It wasn’t what he thought…it was indeed a yucky name.

    So I let him know….”hey you might want to update your vocab” …..and that I don’t want to be described that way….and then I was neutral in my texts….”have a good day” type thing….but he sensed my discomfort……but made a stupid attempt to be funny to cover his own anxiousness which didn’t work….when he sensed I was just flat he opened it up again thru text, to which I responded but then he replied how awful he felt and how text wasn’t working……oh lovely little circle of confusion.

    Silence on the front. I felt yucky.

    But I just sat with my feelings and felt them.
    It felt anxious like described above.
    I just sent him a good night text saying I just felt numb. He replied he felt like crap.

    Somehow this morning feels a bit lighter. But we’ll see. I don’t feel like driving there this weekend, but for the sake of growing and not giving up, I probably will.


  213.  #213Aurora Girl on April 27, 2012 at 4:41 am

    I recalled some work that Gay and Katie Hendricks are doing around relationship processes and how to avoid old pit falls of resentment and anger…especially as the relationship moves from romance to what they call “the inevitable” when love and closeness raises up the unhealed and unresolved in our hearts……they just talk about it being a choice point when these things happen….

    that if we with hold or withdraw or project we get the same old anger and resentment and often broken ties….,.

    but if we stay open, wonder, allow things to reveal themselves and appreciate… open to growth….new things can happen….and it can be healthy and healing……

    so I’m just trying to place my feet in the second direction…..toe by toe…….don’t have a clue what it will look like,…but trying to trust it……

    just sharing….


  214.  #214LoveAlways on April 27, 2012 at 4:49 am

    Good morning Sirens:

    Rori, I totally understand the anxiety Toni refers to! My relationship with CD assertive is basically over and I’m leaning back and he is not stepping forward. So it shall be. I am still anxious about what to do next, though. Then I realize, do nothing. All I can do is sink into my feelings. The anxiety does NOT feel good, and I have to work through it often, but I know that being in touch with my feelings is the best thing to do.

    Finishing week 3 of just taking care of me and so far it’s going well. I’m going to listen to Targeting Mr. Right this weekend because in couple of weeks I’m going to update my online dating profile and start a whole new rotation of dating.

    Still dating a few of my other CDs here and there, but no one is stepping up and I’m getting tired of being alone (indeed, I was actually alone while I was dating CD assertive, I realize that now).

    I said before I wasn’t ready for marriage or happy ever after and needed time to think about it. Now I understand I wasn’t ready for marriage or a happy ever after with any of the current CDs I have!!! Yeah, that was a revelation. Nothing negative towards, them, because they each have a special connection with me, but I understand that it wasn’t the direction of my life that I was sure about – but the people I was considering sharing it with. It’s not about any man being wrong, it’s about the choices I made. For the ability to understand just that little bit, I am grateful.

    Now how to get through this anxiety I’m feeling this morning . . .

  215.  #215Daria on April 27, 2012 at 4:50 am

    (((Aurora))) wow … feels deep… and in tune with this article… you are changing your patterns by remaining aware and choosing feeling messages and openness

  216.  #216Aurora Girl on April 27, 2012 at 4:51 am

    Love Always…

    I found the Targeting Mr. Right Program very helpful……and it worked for me….lol now I’m trying to be in relationship with Mr. Right….. and there’s anxiety there too….but not so dark.

    sending you good vibes….


  217.  #217Daria on April 27, 2012 at 4:52 am

    (((Love Always))) it sounds like you are doing well too… also very deep… also in tune with the article… wow… big ocean moving for the Sirens

  218.  #218Aurora Girl on April 27, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Hi Daria

    Firstly thanking you for sharing you posts above and the reply to mine…and for your hugs….

    oh boy there were times yesterday night when the nvs in my head were running rampant….mad, ready to run….scared…..I just let them flow but didn’t absorb any of it….didn’t latch on to any of it….just waited it out like a storm…..but from a safe and grounded place……

    ironically there is strength in remaining open……wow it builds the self confidence….

    and (I know I’ve said this before)

    I just kept saying to myself….”what would love do”….even if I didn’t know the answer…..just saying it was like a mantra…..


  219.  #219LoveAlways on April 27, 2012 at 5:00 am

    I’ve also been assessing my own Diva Dating rules. Feeling what feels right to me. It seems that more important than not calling or leaning forward is not being available. It feels better to not be available rather than to just lean back. This is keeping my “me time” to myself. Like when I’m working out, I cannot be reached for about two hours. I should not have to explain or detail why – it needs to be clear that I am not available at certain times because I’m doing my me stuff. I intend to increase these time periods to a nice healthy balance this time around and keep it place.

  220.  #220LoveAlways on April 27, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Hi Daria!

  221.  #221Radlove on April 27, 2012 at 5:06 am


    RE: 199-201 – Thank you! No, I need to carve out some time for Margaret Lynch.

  222.  #222Daria on April 27, 2012 at 5:06 am

    this feels so moving to me i cry … starts at 2:20

  223.  #223LoveAlways on April 27, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Hi Aurora Girl

    I listen to Targeting Mr. Right again and again from time to time. I’m now in the mood to script so that if CD assertive comes slinking back around I have the right scripts to express my feelings and keep him low in rotation. I don’t have Love Scripts for relationships, but since I am not involved with CD assertive anymore, figure the dating version should suite my purposes.

    I’m currently listening to Commitment Blueprint (my absolute favorite Rori program), and started the week with Modern Siren.

    Listening to Rori’s programs has now become part of my “me time.” I can talk about it with other women, but I see that in the end, many people don’t rely on the tools when the going gets tough. That’s why I keep them in my portable so that when I’m feeling stuff – like the anxiety now

  224.  #224Daria on April 27, 2012 at 5:07 am

    here’s a girl who looks like me and sounds like me with my accent doin her thing this feels so inspiring… so glad im into this tonite

  225.  #225Daria on April 27, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Radlove – what i like about the videos is that they’re like 15 min… and the tapping is only like 5 min of that… so i pop em in and shes talking and soon its time for tapping… its over so FAST! and instant feel better

  226.  #226Radlove on April 27, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Sirenity and Daria,

    I attended a “Goddess for the Day” seminar once, and I participated in a workshop for healing sounds. As we harmonized and sang syllables together, I felt amazed at the power it had to bring out deep emotions. I found myself crying for no apparent reason. I would definitely enjoy exploring that more deeply again.

  227.  #227Daria on April 27, 2012 at 5:10 am

    you probably dont have the videos downloaded but I will be putting them up to share w friends again soon and let u know

  228.  #228Radlove on April 27, 2012 at 5:11 am


    225 – Cool, that makes it so much more doable.

  229.  #229lk on April 27, 2012 at 6:12 am

    hi, aurora girl : )

    love to you. it’s nice reading your perspective : ))

    thank you!

  230.  #230Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 6:43 am

    lk is that you in the pic?

  231.  #231Jan on April 27, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I woke up this morning feeling sick to my stomach, despairing, lonely, hurt. It has been two weeks since I started “leaning back” with my man of interest…and nothing except a few very generic friendly emails. One or two sentences.

    I know that I am wanting to settle for crumbs here (as Rori would say). I don’t know how to stop. I mean, I understand intellectually. I can walk the walk– on paper. Just not in my heart.

    The hardest thing is to just let this (probably imaginary) connection go. No commentary, no fight. I feel so miserable right now.


  232.  #232lk on April 27, 2012 at 7:18 am

    it is me : )

  233.  #233Starla on April 27, 2012 at 7:21 am

    I’m right there with you. You sound good, though, in a way. Like you’re voting for yourself, even if it feels unnatural and lonely right now.

  234.  #234Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 7:26 am

    I feel so good and secure today. I took really good care of myself last night, and spent some time alone. It felt sooooo good.

    and lk, your new picture is gorgeous!

  235.  #235lk on April 27, 2012 at 7:27 am

    oooh i just felt really nervous & got a wave of fear

    i’m picturing how having an open heart lets the fear just pass

    & make room for what comes next : )

  236.  #236Starla on April 27, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I am working from home today.
    Bad office monkey didn’t want to come into the office.
    I have a bad attitude, not a whole lot going on at work, an upset stomach, and free will. And I’m choosing to sit in bed all day. πŸ˜€

  237.  #237lk on April 27, 2012 at 7:45 am

    daria & sirenity, i’ve been singing too recently : ) makes me feel happy & rooted & expanded : )))

    this is the song i was singing today : it’s called There Is So Much More by Brett Dennen :

    When I heard the news, my heart fell on the floor.
    I was on a plane on my way to Baltimore.
    In these troubled times it’s hard enough as it is.
    My soul has a known a better life than this.

    I wonder how so many can be in so much pain,
    while others don’t seem to feel a thing.
    Then I curse my whiteness and I get so damn depressed.
    In a world of suffering, why should I be so blessed?

    I heard about a women who lives in Colorado.
    She built a monument of sorts behind the garage door,
    where everyday she prays for all whom are born
    and all whose souls have passed on.
    Sometimes my trouble gets so thick,
    I can’t see how I’m gonna get through it.
    But, then I’d rather be stuck up in a tree
    then be tied to it.

    There is so much more.

    I don’t feel comfortable with the way my clothes fit.
    I can’t get used to my body’s limits.
    I got some fancy shoes to try and kick away these blues.
    They cost a lot of money but they aren’t worth a thing.
    I wanna free my feet from the broken glass and concrete.
    I need to get out of this city.
    Lay upon the ground stare a hole in the sky,
    wondering where I go when I die.
    …When I die.

  238.  #238lk on April 27, 2012 at 7:58 am

    i love the idea of “personal singing”…. & “connecting” to ancient culture through accessing art traditions….

    i remember a couple years ago i used to dress up & go outside with my jump-rope & ” dance ” & “do tricks” & Practice…. LOL & i felt that it was very Irish – i imagined myself dancing on the door, ringlets bouncing….. even though i was doing it to like… Aaliyah : )

  239.  #239Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 8:08 am

    lk you look beautiful

  240.  #240Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 8:11 am


    Welcome to the path many of us have walked. Don’t freak out, just rest assured you are enough for him. You might be able to inspire him if he sees you living a full blown happy life.

  241.  #241Coco Kisses on April 27, 2012 at 8:14 am

    So Sirens,

    I feel happy, because my husband called me today for what seemed like a innocent chit chat. I felt like he was missing me. We talked for like 2 hours about randomness and we laughed, it felt good. I was really missing just laughing and talking with him. I feel a bit apprehensive though, because I don’t want to read too much into this. At the end of our call, he said it was really good to talk to me, and he was going to come over on Sunday to visit, and so we can talk….also he mentioned he spoke to an old friend of his yesterday, who owes him some money, and he told me that he did not tell his friend that we were getting a divorce and that he was not living here at the house, because he did not trust his “friend”, because he thinks this guy is the type to come over and try to “get” with me or give me some comfort, and that if the guy comes over to bring the money, he asked me not to tell this guy that he is not living there……??? Any thoughts or comments on this call? I made sure to use lots of feeling messages, and I was very open, genuinely open? Let me know what you guys think, especially those who have been following my divorce drama

  242.  #242Coco Kisses on April 27, 2012 at 8:21 am

    ((((Jan)))), I undersatnd what u are going through..just trust the process. It is hard at times,
    ……I have been bawling my eyes out this week, but it is a process that is necessary….I don’t know where I read this at, but it was a relationship book and it said something like doesn’t even nature teach us that men should chase a woman…the sperms chase and race for the egg, the egg isn’t chasing down sperm…..kind of a weird analygy, but it hits home and makes the point. You are a diamond. We all are, sometimes in our sad moments like this, we are so focused on the guy being the “prize” we forget that we are really the prize….do something good for yourself today, today I’m getting a pedicure πŸ™‚

  243.  #243Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Coco it is a fear that men have. I would not dwell on it to dictate my actions. I would take it that he is still feeling attraction, wants to protect his territory and might need to feel competitive to change his actions towards you. If the opportunity aarises I would flirt as this is about lifting your vibe to feel like a prize. He will feel that and it could help him come to terms with how he truly feels about you.

    I feel a bit tensed up in my stomach about him telling you what to do. However, if I were you my focus would be on feeling good and living my life. When he shows up be as warm, friendly, open and playful as much as you can muster. Keep turning your attention away from him. He was responding to how he was feeling in that moment and I believe will do the same when he sees you again.

  244.  #244Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 8:29 am

    The crying helps to release stuck energy. Physically shaking yourself could help to do that too.

  245.  #245Coco Kisses on April 27, 2012 at 8:29 am

    My boss is in a 5 year relationship, with a married man, everytime i see them together it triggers a lot of anger in me….then on top of that, she still sleeps with other men, her dysfunctional relationships make me feel disgusted and not want to be at work sometimes,especially while I’m dealing with my own realtionship crap with my husband. It feels YUCKY!!!While i am going through my own healing process, it just feels nasty to witness someone living in an eomtional cess pool. I know that my boss is a hurting woman. She has been divorced 3 times, and now she with a married man who has been stringing him along for 5 years (he’s been married for over 20 years)…….although he says he’s really getting a divorce this year. I have no words other than it feels yucky, it feels disgusting, and it’s hard to respect her as woman

  246.  #246Coco Kisses on April 27, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Thanks Feminine Woman…I will flirt and smile and laugh all day, who knows with all these sirens singing laley, I might have a glee moment of my own and break out into song and dance.

  247.  #247Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Coco I appreciate how you feel about your boss but I have learned to ask myself where am I judging myself the way I am judging other people. It might also help to ask yourself if you have control issues around other people’s behavior. The feelings can be very instructive.

  248.  #248lk on April 27, 2012 at 8:41 am

    ((((Coco Kisses)))) i’m getting a pedicure today too : )

    i like your description of us as the Diamond….

    reminds me of a vision i have….

    where…. men are the Sun…. & all the Ice melts away to reveal Me – as a Diamond : )))


  249.  #249Jan on April 27, 2012 at 8:47 am

    Thank you guys for the positive comments. It is so nice to not feel so alone in this sea of emotions. The hardest thing I am having to learn is to feel them! In the past I haven’t put much faith in life just working out the way it is supposed to on it’s own. I am so thankful to have found this site and am able to learn from all of you amazing women. Thank you- Jan

  250.  #250lk on April 27, 2012 at 8:54 am

    awww thank you, Femininewoman : ))

    i feel pretty : )

    i am thinking of ways women “carry themselves”……

    i have seen women carry themselves in ways that make them look Invulnerable… but who also Radiate Smiles & Gentleness &…. Slowness – like, slow-ness to reach conclusions…… slow-ness to pass judgements……. slow-ness to Make A Decision…. i feel comfortable & safe & respected around these women & i aspire to & intend to carry myself in ways that make other people feel Empowered & Respected & Loved

  251.  #251lk on April 27, 2012 at 8:55 am

    (((((Jan))))) : )))

  252.  #252lk on April 27, 2012 at 8:57 am

    someone on my Facebook had their status as

    “surround yourself with people who say ‘ Yes, And ‘ instead of ‘ No, Because ‘ ” & i felt inspired : )

  253.  #253GingerSky on April 27, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Wow… I can`t possibly post all the joy, depth, & gratitude I feel from reading this thread… so will just say: Sirens are wonderful, amazing, wise & I am so enriched reading all these comments today. Many thanks to each of you & I`m deeply grateful to be sharing cyberspace w you all… (((((((( Sirens ))))))))

  254.  #254Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 9:06 am

    @245 ((((CocoKisses)))) – I understand. You care about people and how things affect them. You care about yourself. You have a compassionate heart. It’s beautiful…

  255.  #255Slippin' Goddess on April 27, 2012 at 9:06 am


    Havnt heard from my bf for nearly a day now.. longest time ever..

    Been out all day so it hasnt bothered me but now im home its starting to bother me and I feel angry and hurt because I havnt done anything wrong..

    Is the ignoring thing some kind of punishment?

    Im so tempted to text.. I feel like we’re both ignoring each other now because I havnt text him since last night when I probably usually would

    What do I say? πŸ™

  256.  #256Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 9:07 am

    aw, (((GingerSky))), that feels warm and connected.

  257.  #257Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Coco – this is all up in his business but it just occurred to me “wonder if the feeling of loss” makes him tick or feel a sense of urgency?

  258.  #258Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 9:13 am

    Slippin Goddess it is during such times that attraction builds.

  259.  #259Slippin' Goddess on April 27, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I feel upset.. We’re usually in contact at last every cpl of hours so a day might not seem a ig thing but to us it is..

    Starting to feel like me not getting in touch with him has dragged this on.. I dunno πŸ™ Not feeling good.. at all

  260.  #260Starla on April 27, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Slippin Goddess, I would just say how nice it feels to hear his voice when he does call.

  261.  #261Starla on April 27, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I hope CF misses me enough to contact me soon. I still feel like someone cut off my legs or something, lol. Sorry if I frustrate anyone by still hoping for this. It’s just how I’m feeling… I’m not going to ‘act’ on it.

  262.  #262Lucy on April 27, 2012 at 9:29 am

    I feel sad to say that it appears to really be over now. I feel like I can’t please him no matter how hard I try to do things “right” (RR way, NVC, etc etc), without completely abandoning myself. I feel heartbroken.. and angry some…. and discouraged… and really sad, because there were some really great and wonderful things going on between us.

  263.  #263Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 9:32 am

    @255 ((((Slippin Goddess)))) – I would try not to say anything, and try leaning back and exploring your feelings.

    One day isn’t that long of a time.

    He may have just been busy, or his phone might’ve died, or he may have lost his phone charger, or any number of things.

    Try to explore what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling it.

    You say you feel angry.

    Do you feel fearful as well? The two are often linked…

  264.  #264s on April 27, 2012 at 9:39 am


    i feel frustrated and a bit confused
    also sad

    i am wondering what to do.
    if he asks you to run an errand, and you do, is that leaning forward?

    should i agree to this, what should i say?

  265.  #265s on April 27, 2012 at 10:24 am

    what if you share you feelings over text and all he says is “ya” :'(

  266.  #266Starla on April 27, 2012 at 10:41 am


  267.  #267GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 11:08 am


    Hi (((Sirens)))!

    Been a pretty quiet day. Glad I finally had a good night’s sleep last night. I’ve been completely leaning back with BoatGuy. I have a feeling things will just fall by the wayside without a word, but maybe he will want to get together tonight. I’m not sure what I will say. I feel I’m the one who keeps this thing afloat and I’m not doing it anymore.

    I want to send out my party evite, but will wait until tomorrow. I want to see what tonight brings (if anything). I’d like to have things settled by my party, so I feel more comfortable with how I will act with Mr. Observant, since they are both on my invite list.

    (((Starla))) I hope CF contacts you soon, so you can have closure or so things can move forward.

    (((Slippin Goddess))) I agree with lamabutterfly, lean back and give him a little space.

  268.  #268GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 11:10 am


  269.  #269Silver Moonbeam on April 27, 2012 at 11:17 am

    {{{ Jan }}}
    {{{ Lucy }}}
    {{{ Starla }}}
    {{{ FW plus her poor fingers }}}}

    Watched The Notebook today and am feeling sooo sentimental lol, oh why doesn’t Noah turn up for me?

    LK I clicked on your initials last night and it took me to your blog, wow you are sooooo pretty, I had you down as some mousy little creature for some reason and wow I was blown away by your good looks and your gorgeous hair!!

  270.  #270Starla on April 27, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Wow, I am brave… and I take care of myself whenever I need it the most. Love to me love to me love to me:)

  271.  #271Silver Moonbeam on April 27, 2012 at 11:26 am


    Re the skin issue.

    At one time on one of my MANY health kicks I was taking Spirulina. I did notice an improvement in my hair and nails, my grand-daughter was taking it at the same time for teenage acne and she noticed a big difference in her skin.

    If you take the powder form as I did, you need to mix it with apple juice in a blender, this seems to neutralize the flavour of what is basically algae, very smelly and seaweedy. My grand-daughter took it in tablet form.

  272.  #272Silver Moonbeam on April 27, 2012 at 11:27 am

    Don’t know if this will help but it can’t hurt. πŸ™‚

  273.  #273coco kisses on April 27, 2012 at 11:29 am

    So I sent a text to my husband I said hey I felt really good talking to you today I really appreciate the conversation thanks

    He text me back same here, thanks for being nice….I’m like huh, that sounds like friends vibe ……..ahhhhh

  274.  #274GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 11:34 am

    @271 coco kisses

    Hmmm, maybe he’s holding back because he fears you two will just fight? Maybe you need more friendly, nice conversations like that.

  275.  #275GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 11:35 am

    I just bought some multivitamins with Spirulina in them. They taste very green! I hope it does wonders for my skin and hair!

  276.  #276Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Coco I beliwvw it was because of the masculine leaning forward text. He couldn’t help it maybe. When lean forward the vibe changes to friendship.

  277.  #277GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    I’m curious. How do you know when a man is ready after a divorce? Especially, when I think his wife was his high school sweetheart. That has got to be tough.

  278.  #278Starla on April 27, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    I am done working for the day. I feel stuck. I don’t know what I need. Mostly I just want to disappear. I’m not sure what that means.

    Perhaps I just feel extremely uncomfortable with showing myself love when I need it. For example, I decided to take it easy today, but I just feel guilty and pathetic and weak and like I’m going to be in a lot of trouble.

    I have a sneaking suspicion that I really need to be showing myself a lot of slowness and kindness and forgiveness right now, even though it feels like I would be deluding myself. Just do it anyway because those are the new rules and obligations — to always come back to loving myself as an absolute default.

  279.  #279Starla on April 27, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    My boss actually just emailed me a very nice you’re-not-in-trouble-at-all message and wished me well. But I STILL feel like I’m in trouble and there’s something terrible about me. I am sinking into that feeling now.

  280.  #280lk on April 27, 2012 at 12:09 pm


    it probably depends on the man.

    when i met CD he had ” just ” (my words / perception) gotten out of a long-term (6-year) relationship with a live-in girlfriend 6 or 7 months before we met.

    he described it to me “in my mind we were essentially married & i would never have left her”

    i felt very afraid !

    but…. moving gently through some Loaded Territory (for both of us)….. & he has been so open with me

    in particular, after we’d been dating about 5 or 6 weeks, he described to me the process he had employed….. of carefully noting his actions & “removing” all the old habits…… Re-Learning ways to do things Alone……

    & he was open when i expressed my vulnerable feelings…. & he has said, yes i thought it was the worst thing, but meeting you, i see it was the best thing…. & if i have a Spiritual Wife, it is you….

    for me it all came down to…. do i feel safe ?

    : )

    & BTW when his ex-girlfriend heard that we were moving in together (she had tried to call & he requested that she not call the house anymore since i would be living there), CD made me very comfortable, offering to let me read his correspondence with her, etc. etc. & really putting our relationship first : )

  281.  #281lk on April 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm


    remember when Lizka was on her challenge & still some days she would come & post her frustrations ? BUT STILL that vibe sounded so high, eh ? love to you. keep going. seriously amazed by you DAILY.

    there is a phrase that i like a lot…. ” I hope the light at the end of this tunnel isn’t a Train ! ”

    LOL for some reason it always makes me feel happy…..

  282.  #282GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    @278 lk

    Awww…that feels so nice and thoughtful. I can understand why you felt afraid and vulnerable. I feel happy he understood that and made sure to put you first.

    I think Mr. Observant is ready because I noticed he signed up for a couple singles meetup groups last weekend & then was hitting on me. He seemed pretty open, as well, even though we weren’t talking about him. I didn’t get the vibe that sharing information about himself would be a problem, but who knows.

    It seems like his divorce is open news cause all the friends talk about it freely. Most say his wife is just awful and psycho. His wife’s brother loves him to death and just said they just weren’t right and fought all the time. They all say these things right in front of him, but he doesn’t comment. He seems like the strong, silent type, but was very direct and forward when talking with me.

    If he comes to my party, I will need to try and get more information out of him.

  283.  #283Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    I feel nervous. I feel scared. I feel excited. I feel swirly in my lower abdomen and stomach and chest all the way up to my neck.

  284.  #284Starla on April 27, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I feel like a control freak about my emotions.

  285.  #285Starla on April 27, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    lk, thank you, and thanks for not judging me!! I feel self conscious of my own feelings and want to control them so bad, because I am paranoid CF can “feel” a psycho obsessive vibe from me.

  286.  #286GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    @283 Starla

    I know exactly what you mean. I was thinking that about BoatGuy too. I mean, I know I feel vibes from him, not sure if they are just in my head or my imagination. So I was wondering if he could feel vibes from me.

  287.  #287Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    2977: Rori Raye says:

    TAz – go take him to the movie β€œThink Like A Man” and then talk about it – ask him what he thought, and just listen to him…really see how the women (I know it’s a movie – but this works in life with a man) are so kind and supportive and loving – but not in an overfunctioning way – and without LOSING THEMSELVES or settling for being unhappy. It’s a great Siren combo – all of them (even the hard-nosed CEO type softens up, but doesn’t lose the β€œedge” that makes her herself….) The thing here is to talk, create intimacy on a deep emotional level – and THEN see how THAT feels to you! I love the questions Steve Harvey asks: If you make a lot of money, does HE have to? If you have a home – does HE have to? In other words…is what you’re looking for, and the standards your setting really, truly what you want and need? Love, Rori

  288.  #288lk on April 27, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    @Giving Girl 280

    LOL sorry but this sentence cracked my up :

    ” If he comes to my party, I will need to try and get more information out of him. ”

    LOL that sounds like The Definition of Pressure & Expectations….. & Assessment & Judging……

    if he mentions something about her or his relationship, maybe you could just express your vulnerable feelings…

    one time… i remember i almost freaked out because CD was describing to me how intense the breakup was…. but i really really really really went deep on it ( i had to excuse myself to “hear” my Real Feelings – past the Angry Triggered Reaction…. like… why are you telling me this ? why am i here ? )…. & all i ended up saying was, ” i feel terrible imagining you that sad ” & i felt amazingly connected to him when i said that & experienced his response.

  289.  #289Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    I feel like I’m going to throw up! In a good way? this feels confusing!

  290.  #290Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I feel nauseous and dizzy would be a better feeling message…

  291.  #291Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    I feel so unsirenly lately.

    It seems like I’m going backward.

    I am just now starting to feel better physically (after my stomach/back thingy). I started eating yogurt about 2 weeks ago & maybe that is helping. But now my chin is broken out like I’ve never seen it! I’m afraid it’s the yogurt but I don’t know why that would be. And I don’t want to feel yucky in my stomach again so I don’t want to give up the yogurt.

    And the stress is making me cranky as heck.

    And I feel unimportant. And unsexy.

    I’m feeling like a roommate.

    I want to feel like a siren.

    I want to feel like a seductress.

    I want to be adored & wooed & courted.

    I want to – relax.

  292.  #292Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    I want to fall in love with myself again.

  293.  #293Starla on April 27, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I’m gonna watch the vow in bed right now. Haha, daring Starla!

  294.  #294Lucy on April 27, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Thank you to those who gave me hugs! <3

    I am feeling pretty angry. I don't like the way he treated me in this conversation today. Sigh. It feels awful. And so sad because most of what we had was so good and wonderful…. but today's issue was the same one we've had again and again …… πŸ™

  295.  #295Lucy on April 27, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I actually feel REALLY angry. Almost at that “hate” feeling…. πŸ™

  296.  #296coco kisses on April 27, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    @ feminine woman….u r right ….. I thought there would be no harm in a feminine thank u text….. I’m ok I didn’t have any real .expectations….I’m just glad he called….I really was missing him….back to focusing on me…..going out tonight, getting that pedicure.

  297.  #297Gemini on April 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    Hello lovely ladies…just saying hi! I’ve been hip to Rori’s tools for a few months now, just discovered the blog and I’m loving all the comments, support, and love here! And yes, as I’ve slowly been making the switch from giving to receiving, and letting go of trying to control outcomes by doing, doing, doing…I’ve definitely noticed some anxiety. Realizing it’s fear-based…”if I don’t call him, he might not call me, so I better call him…” lol so over it! Opening to receive… πŸ™‚ bless

  298.  #298Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    I wonder if what I really need is some outside passions?

    I feel like I need more of a life outside my relationships in order to take some of the pressure off.

    I just don’t really have any passions. Omg that sounds rather pathetic.

  299.  #299lk on April 27, 2012 at 1:39 pm


    i was just thinking about you & wanting to find a picture that shows what i think about you LOL

    & i google-image-d “business brunette fashion” ohhh metadata… lol but that is how i would “tag” your “vibe” lol

    there are a lot of images with that brown /grey combo too : ) sounds fun !

  300.  #300Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 1:40 pm


    “I’ve been thinking about Lizka all day and how she is my inspiration to focus on myself and take care of me and lean back”

    Really? Wow that feels so nice to read!! I feel surprised to be an inspiration by that but really really happy to be one.


  301.  #301Love Actually on April 27, 2012 at 1:42 pm


    I have tried posting once before, but it seems that it took a long time in moderation (perhaps there are rules somewhere I should have read *grin*) and everyone had long moved on before it was posted…so trying again.

    I think anxiety is my middle name these days, and I can relate to so much of what you talk about here, I just so need to vent and ground myself right now.

    I am trying to lean back and use feeling messages with a fellow I have been seeing for the past couple of years and IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY. I feel so strong and relaxed one day and freaking out and like I could cry nonstop while laying on the floor the next.

    Yesterday I leaned wayyy forward and called him and basically told him to step up and NOW or forget it. It actually felt good in the moment…we had made plans a week or so ago to meet for dinner that evening before going to a communication class we are taking together and he hadn’t confirmed so I decided to take myself out – I sat in the sun, enjoyed a cold beer, read my book – it felt fantastic! I wasn’t sure if he would show up for the class and he did, which also felt good. He said he had tried to call me. I said I didn’t get the call and hadn’t been home for a while as I went ahead with dinner with myself. I felt frustrated that he didn’t try to call my cell though. He made it to the break in the class and then said he was going to go as he wasn’t getting anything out of it. I felt devistated and struggled not to cry right there in the middle of the class…I had to go outside for some air and he was still outside and came over to tell me that his stomach was upset and he gave me a cherry blossom flower that he had picked and came back in to let the facilitators know he was leaving…i waved goodbye (I felt numb and couldn’t think what else to do) and turned to go back into the class…I felt his hand reach out behind me on my arm and back as I was walking away and I think I turned to smile at him but cant’ remember exactly…that felt so good and so confusing at the time…I just don’t know what he wants, I don’t think he knows. I am trying to respect the masculine and I am realizing that I feel really really vulnerable when I do this…is this related to trust? Trusting me? Trusting him? This seems ironic because in my imagination it is my wildest crazy fabulous fantasy to be with a man who is decisive and creative and takes charge and respects my thoughts also and feels good enough about himself to hear my ‘that doesn’t feel good’

    We had plans made for tomorrow also and I am killing myself to know if he plans to keep them, as he hasn’t confirmed that either and things have been so up in the air, and it is taking everything I have not to call him and demand an answer…I am so habituated to wanting to control the outcome of everythng. I spend so much time thinking and driving myself crazy. I am trying to fill up my time with fun things for me…like dinner last night and I had a pedicure today, I joined a softball team, but tomorrow afternoon is looming like a great gaping hole and I don’t know when to make my own plans as I really want to see him (and making plans when you feel crappy isn’t always that easy), but I also don’t want to have it be ok for him to not confirm…so maybe I will call him later this evening and just say ‘i’m feeling a little confused and it would feel good to know what your intentions are regarding our plans for tomorrow’

    I feel crazy, anxious, sad and hopeless. I signed back up on Plenty of Fish, which makes me feel guilty because I have not told my fellow…and so many of the men that email me just make me feel yicky – they say things like ‘maybe we cud meet up cutie’ I feel ewwwww. I struggle alot with thinking about going on a date if I don’t think I might have an attraction to them…does this get easier?

    It would feel sooo good to connect here, rather than just reading. I hope all my ranting makes sense I feel so frazzled right now.

  302.  #302Iamabutterfly on April 27, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    @295 Goodheart – I’ve been there. What do you talk about on dates?

  303.  #303Love Actually on April 27, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I am just experimenting with a short comment, as the last two comments I posted have said ‘awaiting moderation’ and i’m wondering if it’s because they are too long.

  304.  #304Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Hi ladies!!

    I have been really happy in the last two weeks, since I started my new job. Almost only good things happened to me and it helps to keep my vibe up.

    I have make new friends, 15 of them! In 2 weeks only!! My whole training class is so nice. We all went for lunch today and all couldn’t stop saying how we were a cool gang and that we all get along so great! Yesterday, two of the girls and me went to an opening of a new very trendy bar downtown and I felt so glad to finally have girl friends who likes to go to the same kind of place as me. We drank champagne and talked cosmetics and all the stuff I like to talk about. Awww πŸ™‚

    And finally it started moving a little faster in my dating life. Some of my CDs have started waking up. Well tonight I have this date with RamadanCD and today, the car dealership owner texted me and invited me to his cottage this weekend!! So I’m going to spend the day there with him tomorrow. He already made a very structured plan, walking in the woods, cooking dinner, making a fire. So cool πŸ™‚

    I’ll need to find him a CD name now… will think of it.

    And GoldenYouthCD has texted me too today asking if I was at this bar last night (my friend posted pics on Facebook( and he said he was there too and it was too bad that we missed each others and that we will definitely meet soon.

    So cool, finally something seems to be happening.

    So my weekend is pretty busy, and now I wish I had more time for me, lol. The only day I am going to have is Sunday and I’ll have to do all my things, long run training, big clean up, manucure, grocery shopping… no time to relax with this new life πŸ™‚

  305.  #305Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 1:57 pm


    “But now my chin is broken out like I’ve never seen it!”

    Chin break out is due to hormones. Not to yoghurt. When it’s due to digestion, the breaking out is gonna be on the forehead and between the two eyes.

    Hormones can be you are having your periods? You have change your pills or contraception? You are feeling new emotions? Change of the seasons (cold/warm/humid), and anything that affects the hormones.

    Hope it helps πŸ™‚

  306.  #306lk on April 27, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    lizka, i saw that cute pic of you at the bar – you ladies look like a picture out of a fashion magazine : ))) so pretty : )))

  307.  #307Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Iamabutterfly, I’m in a relationship now, but when I was dating I talked about hiking, decorating, movies, that sort of thing.

    My bf has something he is passionate about (other than me :-)) & sometimes I feel like I want to be that passionate about something. But I can’t force it.

    It just has to come naturally.

  308.  #308Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Lizka, yes you’re right definitely hormones. I’m not taking any pills. Regular periods (yes, the breakouts coincide with that, but this time, yeesh!). Could be the stress from not feeling well & all that’s been going on with my mom.

    Thanks for your input πŸ™‚

  309.  #309Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:02 pm


    “remember when Lizka was on her challenge & still some days she would come & post her frustrations ? BUT STILL that vibe sounded so high, eh ? ”

    Wow. Once again, I feel really really amazed to be an inspiration.



  310.  #310Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    lk 301

    Wow thank you!!!! πŸ™‚

  311.  #311Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    For all the sad ladies who don’t know what they need and what they want, I just recommend to find a new job. Lol it totally shifted my life!!

  312.  #312Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Oh!! I just remembered that day where my old boss told me they were not happy with me and they put me in probation!! I remembered that that night, I felt asleep on my back, my face offered to the universe and my palms opened, telling the universe that I was ready for something new!!


    Since that day, everything seems to have gone so much better! The next day, my current job called me and booked me in for an interview, I got the job, quit my old job, got a lot of love from my old collegues, had 2 weeks to relax and take care of me, started a new job, bought a car, made more money to do more fun things and buy new stuff, made new friends, made new girl friends, started going out more like I was so missing, started to have more contacts with ATW, E called me after so many months of no talking, got a lot lot lot of attention from a man (Ramadan), got booked by 2 CDs for the same weekend…. and I guess it’s not over!!

    Wow magic!!

  313.  #313Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:20 pm


    “I’m curious. How do you know when a man is ready after a divorce? Especially, when I think his wife was his high school sweetheart. That has got to be tough.”

    I think I would just not think about those things. It’s not actually your business. You don’t NEED to know if he’s ready or not. You just take what he can gives, and if it’s not enough, you move on. And you can over analyse as much as you want and ending up thinking he’s not ready and it might be totally not true, you never know. Thinking about this kind of things is just a lost of precious time where you could be smiling to life instead and do some fun things for yourself!

    RamadanCD is separated for 1.5 years or something but not even divorced yet. I know all the sirens would say “woooo crazy girl don’t go there”. But (so far), I don’t think of it. And you know why also? Because I am CDing. I have no idea if he’s going to divorce or not, but I think that it’s not about him being ready or not. I think, let’s say he totally falls in love with me and thinks I’m the one, I guess he’s gonna rush for the divorce… If he doesn’t, it’s just because he’s not in love. Anyway, we’re not there yet. πŸ™‚

  314.  #314Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:26 pm


    I feel really interested in this Spirulina thing. I am wondering if we have this in Canada. I want to try it. Will go see at the pharmacy. Thanks for this πŸ™‚

  315.  #315Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:29 pm


    I feel sorry to read that CF still haven’t contact you. I feel really surprised too… I think you are doing great Empress Starla πŸ™‚

  316.  #316Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Hmmm I just realised also that leaning back is kind of becoming something natural for me. Just like breathing and crying…

    Yes I have lean forward with ATW a little bit in the last weeks, but it was really with no expectation. It was just for fun. Not to show him anything, just to share my happiness.

    And besides that, I haven’t lean forward with anyone without even thinking of it. It just happened. I just lived my fun life and appreciated every moment of it and smiled at how great and fabulous I am. Wow!

    And now that I think of it, even with my friends I have lean back most of the time.

    I feel surprised to realise that leaning back is like breathing now. Maybe this 3 weeks challenge I had really helped me to make an habit of it.


  317.  #317Lizka on April 27, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Anyway I’m taking off ladies,

    I have to go meet RamadanCD downtown!

    Talk to you later!!


    PS it felt good to come here and write and read your posts. I’ll catch up more later tonight or this weekend. xoxo

  318.  #318Starla on April 27, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Thanks, Lizka.. I still feel surprised which is probably not helping to “unstick” myself. It’ll wear off in time hopefully:)
    Thanks, lk, for the googling inspiration. I feel stoked about dark hair! I am feeling a bit “washed out” by my natural hair color.

  319.  #319Starla on April 27, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    It felt good to watch The Vow and cry. It reminded me of CF in a depressing way, but ultimately I was just crying because I *always* cry at those movies. It feels liberating to cry about something different! I wonder what else I could find to feel intensely about that has nothing to do with him.

    Now I feel ready to move my ass and do my homework and take care of myself. Yay for crying.

    I always feel like I am up against some appointment or to-do and I can’t let myself cry, but today I had hours on either side to finally let some out. Now I feel soooo glad and appreciative that I took some time off to take care of myself.

  320.  #320Gemini on April 27, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    “awaiting moderation”?? how long does this usually take?

  321.  #321Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    I feel hopeless right now. And scared.

    Like I’ve created this I-can-never-make-her-happy-attitude with my bf & I don’t know how to turn it around.

    It’s like he’s the best one day & the next he sucks. Why am I doing this?

    Why can’t I just be happy?

    I am angry at myself. And mostly sad & scared.

    Seriously, I just want to let myself be happy. Lighten up already.

    There must be something (still) that I am not accepting about myself. How do I heal this? I feel like crying.

  322.  #322Starla on April 27, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Aw, I am going out with Alaska tonight, but just now George Washington texted me to go out.

  323.  #323Starla on April 27, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Flirting with these guys is making me feel uncomfortable. Like they’re expecting something out of me… but I’m nowhere near ready to give any part of my heart away.

  324.  #324GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    @288: lk

    LOL I didn’t mean it like that! πŸ™‚

    Mr. Observant felt perfectly comfortable asking me questions like:

    Where do you work?
    Do you like your job?
    How long have you been there?
    What do you like to do for fun?
    Are you in a relationship?
    With BoatGuy?
    How long have you been dating?
    How old is he?
    How old are you?
    Age difference really isn’t a big deal.
    So, you are hinging everything on what he does?
    But, what do you want?
    Do you want kids?
    Do you like hockey (cause the playoffs were on the TV and he was watching)?
    Do you like going to the movies?

    I don’t even remember what all he asked me and this was just one night.

    I just meant that I would have to ask him questions about himself at my party, instead of just answering his questions. And, if his relationship with his wife comes up, that’s ok. I’d like to get a feel for what is going on from him. No interrogating!! πŸ™‚

  325.  #325GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    @291 (((Goodheart)))

    It may be the stress making you break out. That happens to me.

  326.  #326GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    @297 Gemini

    Hi! Good for you!

  327.  #327Radlove on April 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    “The road to success is always under construction.”

  328.  #328GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    @301: Love Actually

    Your ranting has made complete sense to me and I’ve felt how you feel before and not all that long ago. I’ve stopped and so far, he hasn’t picked up the ball. It’s hard to do, but I think it’s the best thing to do. I wouldn’t call him, let him call you. Make plans and if he doesn’t call you in time, sorry, but you didn’t hear from him and already have other plans. If he wants you, he will come to you. I know it’s hard to not call, because you worry if you don’t, he won’t. I’m so guilty of that. However, if he doesn’t, then do you really want him anyways?

    Good luck!

  329.  #329Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Dominique, I wonder if you have any suggestions – I took bc pills for a number of years to keep my skin clear & they worked beautifully. I stopped taking them just over a year ago & now I breakout (mostly on chin) right when I get my period (but they last for weeks afterward). This month is particularly bad (large ones).

    Since this is tied to hormones, is there anything I can do or take to help balance me out? It seems that I must I have some sort of imbalance that is causing this. Teenagers usually get them because of the raging hormones & most grow out of it, but for those of us who don’t, I’m guessing we have something wonky with our hormones. I have had years where my skin was clear & then, bam, it would start breaking out again. I don’t want to go back on the pill.

    I have heard Evening primrose oil may help?

    I also wonder if the hormone thing may be why my emotions seem all over the place too.

    I just really want to heal all this. I want to feel good inside & out.

    Thanks Dominique. (and anyone else, if you want to jump in))

  330.  #330GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Lizka, so nice to hear things are going so well. 15 new friends!! Yay!

  331.  #331T-Girl on April 27, 2012 at 4:50 pm


    I can relate to what you are going through. For me, I think it is my fear of being with someone for a long time and the love goes away (since I was married for 20 years).

    But I have to remember that in my marriage I didn’t have the relationship tools that I have now. So when I get to that place where I am so in love one day and then the next I’m looking at him like he is an alien, I remind myself that the good stuff far aways the bad stuff by a mile. No one is perfect, everyone has their own personality traits that may be different than what we like.

    I recommend Guy and Katie Hendricks – they have some short new videos out now that help (free) and the book “Wabi Sabi Love” by Arielle Ford.

  332.  #332GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    @313 Lizka

    Thank you. Very good insights and yes, I have to break my overanalysing habit. I do it a lot.

  333.  #333Healing Waterfall on April 27, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    i miss being on the blog and connecting with all of you.

    i like rori’s post a lot. I feel anxiety too before a big shift.

    Today and yesterday i treated myself to a facial and a massage with birthday money from my mom and my dad.

    I felt so special taking care of myself that i feel much less obsessed, as in not at all and this lack of obsession makes me feel anxious… hey, it’s a good thing.

  334.  #334Goodheart on April 27, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Thank you T-Girl, your words made me feel better & understood too.

    It’s like I want to blame this on something (this up & down in me) like my hormones so I can just take a pill & be cured.

    I guess I know it will take more than that. And I know, very much in my heart, that all the good far outweighs the bad with my bf, so I get very frustrated with myself when I am critical. He is a good man, truly.

    I just need to somehow remember to use the tools more – much more. And stop myself before I say things. Argh. Just stop.

  335.  #335Starla on April 27, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    I am starting to feel full patches of total acceptance without any attachment to outcomes!! For the last couple of days!!

    It’s been so bizarre just observing myself and going through the highs and lows instead of “acting” to cover it up. Such a huge difference for me. I feel like I can see things clearly and really know myself through and through at times.

    And then other times I feel completely confused, but slowly the pieces are coming together for me:)

  336.  #336GingerSky on April 27, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    ((((( Starla! )))))

  337.  #337GingerSky on April 27, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    I am… river & deep woods …I am worthy of songs from the man I adore, and mature undying devotion… in *every* form, seranades, soliloquoys, protection, mutual inspiration, understanding, sharing, appreciation, passion, challenge, delving, sparking & cherish… I am worthy of all this & more. I am a woman who does not need a mask.

  338.  #338siren song on April 27, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    Letting go of attachment is awesome!

  339.  #339GingerSky on April 27, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    #320 Gemini, moderation seems usually to take a day or two ime… you may have gone into it bc of something innocuous you said that happens to be a buzzword of something Rori`s had to block or watch out for bc of past blog issues/conflicts. Sorry thaat happened to you πŸ™‚

  340.  #340Dominique on April 27, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Goodheart – Depending on your age, under forty evening primrose is great for hormone balancing, motherwort is great at any age, more for mood balancing (take in tincture form), over forty, experiment with black cohosh, red clover infusion, chasteberry/vitex, false unicorn. Please try one at a time, and give it a good month or so.

    Good for you no picking. But sometimes when your hormones are going through a change, cyclical or age related phases, this will happen, and there’s not much you can do but wait it out, and try the herbs to see if it helps or at least minimizes it until the phase passes.


  341.  #341Siren Angel on April 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Hello Sirens,

    I texted M today after a hair color appointment ‘Ooh la la I feel Golden’ (just had my new golden/brunette color as he calls it refreshed)

    He replied: ‘u r so precious’

  342.  #342Femininewoman on April 27, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Gemini hi.

    Love Actually welcome to the juicyness of femininity.

  343.  #343Starla on April 27, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    getting ready to go out with Alaska, and ahhh!!, my knuckles burn from boxing. It’s gonna be a slow going, funny dressing time.

    feeling so jittery and like something bad is going to happen. going to welcome the trigger and ride it! yay free therapy.

  344.  #344GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Mr. Observant replied to my “Sure :)” with “Have a nice weekend.”

    Nothing from BoatGuy. Debating on whether or not to include him in my evite. I’d say we are over. We were friends first and I always invited him. Part of me feels like I should because we have so many of the same friends & that way it won’t be awkward, but it will be and do I want to have awkward when Mr. Observant may be there.

    This would be a good time for me to work on not overanalysing. I’ll just invite him and not worry about it. He probably won’t show anyways.

  345.  #345Brandylion on April 27, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Ugh. What did you not understand, DeliCD, about “I prefer evening calls, no later than 10 pm?” Yes, 12 minutes after 10 is too late. I feel tired, and I am already winding down for the night. I am not going to engage in a conversation at this time or night unless you are one of the most important people in my life.

    Boundary tested and reinforced!

  346.  #346GivingGirl on April 27, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Good for you, Brandylion.

  347.  #347Turquoise on April 27, 2012 at 8:43 pm

    Hi sirens! Catching up on the blog… Looks like a slow day here. Lizka, happy to hear all your good news! Starla, so glad you are getting out sweetie… Fake it til you make it, and soon it won’t feel like faking! Lucy, time and distance have become my very best friends! I hope you can take some space for yourself. Hi Silver, I want to try that herb you mentioned, I have adult acne that was worse than when I was in college. I started using a Clinique moisturizer and my skin looks much better, and seems more balanced. If I don’t use it, I get very oily. I am going to sit in my tub and try the yogurt. I just ate some too… Beauty from the inside out also:). Starla, your post about beauty and makeovers inspired me to stop at my favorite day spa and book a facial πŸ™‚ the owner is a good friend I’ve barely seen since I moved, so really looking forward to spending time with her too! She kept commentingon how gorgeous I looked, felt so nice to hear that!

    I had a date with carpenter CD today and it was nice! He’s not my normal type, has both his ears pierced… But cute, interesting and fun to talk to. Plus, he knows how to build houses from the ground up, so I love knowing done one handy! He’s also has several degrees, including a graduate degree in forensic science…. So I enjoyed talking to him about all sorts of stuff. I didn’t feel a romantic connection…. But he was cool. I’d like to get to know him better.

    Chemist texted me a little today. Was nice enough, he’s on his way to NY for the weekend. So ready and I are going for dinner and a movie tomorrow, and he got the concert tickets for 2 weeks from now. Looking forward to that.
    I took the girls out to dinner and my BFF met us to catch up. Was a great evening.

    The best part of my day though was seeing my friend the spa owner, and the genuine shock on her face at all the changes she sees in me since August. I quickly told her about my 4 guys, lol, that’s definitely new!

    Oh, and my boy got out today to cut the grass.. Even though I really didn’t want to. It looks so much better, glad my boy didn’t procrastinate!

    Oh, and I had a really long and pleasant talk with C today on my way home from happy hr with carpenter. It felt nice, like friends. All my urgency is gone around him. I feel free.

  348.  #348LoveAlways on April 27, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Feeling everything tonight – but not unsettled because I’m in my soup. Next to anger is joy and serenity. I feel healthier than ever and thankful for the relationship blows I’ve experienced. I feel out in the cold, so I went outside (in the cold) and enjoyed the feeling all the way through. But what I feel the most is my own energy. Positive energy, feminine energy – then I also feel suppressed energy, like fire sometimes, like ice other times – and I don’t know how to classify it . . . is it love, lust, the essence of me that emerges when my heart is touched? It’s so powerful yet so bewildering and the beauty of it all is that I have NO control over it. I can’t feel it coming or going, I only know this energy when its engulfing in me, stirring my soup and mixing up all these feelings swirling around in me. So what do I feel right now? I feel like being loved, deeply, honestly, earnestly, Always.

  349.  #349Lucy on April 27, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    Thank you Turquoise. <3

    We are now "officially" broken up.

    I feel heartbroken.

    So disappointed.

    I had felt hopeful that he was my partner for the rest of my life.

    I've never felt this bad initiating a break up before.

    I loved him so much.

  350.  #350Love Actually on April 27, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    @320: Gemini

    Yay! My messages didn’t get stuck in moderation for as long this time, only a couple of hours (last time was about 24 hours). I feel so glad and relieved that I can chat here.

    @342: FeminineWoman

    Thanks for the welcome! It feels so good to be here.
    Juicy is exactly how I want to feel all the time!

    @327: Giving Girl

    I feel really acknowledged by your words and I think you are right about not calling him and I always feel better when he calls me and makes plans. I feel so much admiration for your strength to not call him.

    I broke down and called my guy afterall and we went in circles for a bit and he did say he would call me tomorrow. I feel hopeful and scared. I’m pretty sure that he really does want a relationship with me and right now I’m pretty sure that I am the one putting up barriers. In the past 2 years together we have been through some pretty extenuating circumstances and he made some choices that really, really hurt me and have affected my feeling safe and like I can trust him 100%. I feel terrified of being hurt again, but meanwhile I am keeping myself in agony – no irony there.

    I have read in several places on the blog that I just have to decide to trust him and see what happens if I want to be in the relationship or I need to choose to walk away. I feel too scared to walk away and I just keep losing it in terms of staying calm and riding my own emotional roller coaster without wanting to involve him, the longest I lasted was 2 weeks and then I got all freaky again. I need to learn to handle my triggers in the moment better I think…It seems to take me a day or so to process it when I am really triggered.

    I am not working right now and I don’t think that is helping either in terms of building my own happy, full life…

    We are now in a place where he thinks that no matter what he does it will never be enough to make me happy. And sadly, he is right. I just make a bigger deal out of what is wrong rather than what he does right. Uggg! I feel impatient with myself. I try to tell him when I appreciate the things I love and somehow I still keep doubting that he is sincere and that he is keeping ‘something’ (not sure what) from me and get all controlling again, trying to get reassurance that he loves me and isn’t hiding anything.

    In some ways I think I am beating myself up because I think if I just set a time limit and followed all the rules in the ebook and let it fall wherever it falls, then I would know for sure and it would either feel good or not and I could decide if I want to continue…I just don’t know how to control my own emotions and crazy, paranoid thoughts.

    I feel pretty calm right now and hopeful that I can be a vibrant, confident siren! I feel grateful to be able to read the experiences you all describe here, I am learning so much – now just to remember it when I am engaging with my fella.

  351.  #351lk on April 27, 2012 at 11:57 pm


    hi : ) feeling a little “stuck” in weird feedback loops as well….. but intending gentle treatment of myself & also allowing myself to try new ways…. : ) experimenting feels fun

    i like your mantra : ) i did it today with a situation at work & i felt so happy & pleased with the whole thing : )

  352.  #352lk on April 27, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    there is no way to happiness ; happiness is the way : )

  353.  #353Starla on April 28, 2012 at 12:23 am

    Back from my night out with Alaska. Getting out and being around other men really helps take the edge off of being wrapped up in one particular guy. I felt like sort of a woman again by the end of the night. I have 5 other CDs all trying to lock down some time with me, and I think I’ll go ahead and give that to them. The company feels nice. I am feeling better and better about my new CF-free life, even though I just hate to imagine that this is just how it is. But this is just how it is. “Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together.” Wise advice. I know that when the morning comes, I will feel like a got hit by a ton of heart breaking bricks, but tonight I am feeling free.

    I feel so proud of myself for going out tonight with that guy. I really did a nice job of letting him distract me for a while. And I truly enjoyed myself. ((((((Starla))))))))))) Good job.

  354.  #354Starla on April 28, 2012 at 12:33 am

    Wow, I sure have a lot of men lined up and waiting for me pretty quickly. Like magic. (((((((men)))))))) Thank you for coming to show me appreciation and attention and kindness when I need it the most.

    The universe truly provides.

    I feel almost out of bounds pouting almost possessively over one man in particular, when I am already provided with appreciation and attention and kindness from many sources. I don’t want to discount all my blessings by feeling miserable that they just so happened to show up in a different form than the specific one I was hoping for.

    Oh Starla, you are figuring this all out. You will get there. Your heart is opening wider.

  355.  #355mali on April 28, 2012 at 5:48 am

    I’m letting go of control, and… it feels so good. Easy breezy, airy fairy. Light. And free. Whew, I feel like an innocent, playful child of the universe. hee hee! *gurgling giggles*

  356.  #356Siren Angel on April 28, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Good morning Sirens! I am taking a little ‘me’ time this morning, then joining M and his kids for the weekend in the afternoon. Feeling very anxious about his custody trial coming up… He’s high emotion right now too so I feel I have to be cautious at everything I say and do.

  357.  #357Siren Angel on April 28, 2012 at 5:49 am

    Thank you Universe for cupping me in your hands. I am so very grateful in every moment.

  358.  #358Siren Angel on April 28, 2012 at 5:50 am


  359.  #359Siren Angel on April 28, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Yeah Starla!

  360.  #360Jan on April 28, 2012 at 5:58 am

    Starla- You are so courageous! I find you and your journey very inspiring! -Jan

  361.  #361GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 7:00 am

    @350: Love Actually

    (I tend to write long, so sorry in advance.)

    You’re welcome. I feel the need to share it’s not really strength that’s driving me to not contact BoatGuy. I tend to give numerous chances & if I still am not getting what I need, it’s like I flip a switch & it takes a lot to flip it back. My switch has been flipped & it feels really good. I’m still thinking about it, but not obsessing like I was. I’m bothered he isn’t even attempting to find out what changed with me. I think it will never be brought up & I will just see him somewhere & it will just be like before when we were just friends. Almost like it never happened & I dreamed the whole thing. Doesn’t feel good.

    It’s a combination of me getting fed up, not wanting to feel like an FWB, needing more from him & I’m tired of asking for it, & I’m mad about so many things. It’s more pure stubbornness, but it’s good for me because he obviously won’t be able to keep me happy. I’ve let go of the outcome. I’ve let go of letting all the “good times” color the bad.

    I haven’t quite figured out what my love language is, I don’t really fit nicely into any of them. However, I need to feel wanted & important. That’s what drives me. This includes being contacted, being displayed & not hidden, being taken care of, being talked to, him to be around in person & when not in person. I want to feel connected.

    I’ve always had a problem with feeling like I don’t belong & being left out. I was always one of the last one’s picked for a team game in school. I never made anything I tried out for in high school. I can recall so many times when I was younger, waiting by the window for my friends to pick me up & they were always late. Each & every time, I was worried they forgot me. I would just sit by the window holding in my tears. They always showed up, but I always secretly worried they wouldn’t.

    I want to feel like I belong. I want to feel like he cares about me & my wants & desires. I really don’t like it when I want to do something & he says no cause it’s just not his thing. I’m willing to do many things that aren’t my things, if he enjoys them. I feel it’s part of a relationship, enjoying each other, accepting each other, etc. (When I say he, I’m talking about any guy, not just BoatGuy).

    One of my ex’s gave me a bday present when we were just about to be broken up, but trying to work through it. When I opened it, it was 2 tickets to a magic show. He said to me, “It was between this & George Strait concert, but I couldn’t bare to sit through a few hours of country music, so I got these instead.” I felt so unimportant & angry. I loved country music & this was a birthday present for me & he opted to get me stupid magic show tickets over something he knew I would enjoy? And, this was when he was on good behavior.

    That is one of the reasons Mr. Observant really affected me. It wasn’t just his hot & sexy “I’m so attracted to you, I want to kiss you right now” stares. He actually put all of that aside & wanted to know about me. He wanted to know what I wanted, how I felt, what I enjoyed, what I did for fun. When I asked what he liked to do, he brought it back to the things I said I liked to do & what he thought about them & didn’t say no to anything. At the end of the night, he told me he hopes I get everything I want.

    I’ve never experienced that before. Most men who have the look in his eye that he had, look me up & down, right in front of me. I’m sure you all know that look. Not him, his eyes never left mine. When I am standoffish, most guys try to convince me. He didn’t try to push, he sensed it, & backed off. Actually, almost every guy I’ve dated had to talk me into it. Guess I have a pattern there. I still feel the desire to thank Mr. Observant for his conversation with me.

    Anyways, I’m saying all of this because I feel you aren’t getting what you need, but you haven’t accepted it yet. You want things to work out so bad, you don’t really want to go there. I suggest taking some time, sit down & really feel what feels bad to you. How long has it felt bad? For me, it felt bad the entire time, but then there were times it didn’t feel so bad, so I clung to those. Think about what would need to happen for you to feel good. Is your man able to do that?

    I know how it feels to want to hold on to something because you’re too scared to let go. There will always be more men & what if you didn’t feel these bad feelings with another man. What if he could make you feel secure and safe?

    I hope I’m not being too forward. I feel taking time to think about these things will be helpful. You may come to the conclusion that your man can give you this. Or you may realize what you need to feel safe & secure. I feel you’re blaming yourself for your feelings when your feelings are not wrong…they are yours. Find a way to make them work for you.


  362.  #362Healing Waterfall on April 28, 2012 at 7:00 am

    here come’s a post that no one has to respond to, i am just getting out some icky feelings.

    i am the invisible siren
    i don’t feel like a siren anyway
    it doesn’t matter if i post here, no one probably even wondered about me, that’s sort of the story of my life

    ohh, i hate that story line…..
    it’s such a huge part of my psyche from my childhood and i know it’s not true….it’s just i grew up so neglected that i have such a hard time shifting…

    but shift i will, i do start a new job on monday, just a brainless one to bring in some extra bucks as i build my practice and to fill in the holes from lapses in teaching contracts…

    i do love reading up on your adventures everybody

    ((((turquoise)))))) you are so amazing, that is great you have so many cd’s….

    last night it felt so good, i went to the store and had on a new to me red skirt with some pink and a man (who is married) walked up to me and told me how nice i looked….it felt so incredibly nice to receive the attention and just to bask in it and we had a conversation about wearing clothes that looked kind of western….

    giving girl….hope your skin gets better, it felt fun to read so many great suggestions for your skin and i just wanted to add one more as a health coach, that hormones and skin indicate that your liver is a little backed up and right now i am leading a small 4 day short cleanse that can help clean out the liver and jumpstart burning your own fat…… can click on my name and contact me through the website, you don’t have to fill out the whole form….:)

    ((((((starla))))) you sound good…..i am just curious what is the homework you are working on?

    today we are raising money by doing a car wash and there is still snow on the ground from yesterday, just a little white….

    so i need to sign off, i have been super busy, end of semester and doing self care, moving away from my crush, although when we see each other and talk to each other, the fire is still there.

  363.  #363Healing Waterfall on April 28, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Hi Giving Girl
    I read your story about waiting by the window for your friends to show up and they were always late….
    it sounds like you are really drawing in a man who is really interested in you and what you have to offer…

    i like your name, why did you pick that name?

  364.  #364GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 7:05 am

    I feel happy reading your posts, Starla!

  365.  #365Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 7:42 am

    I love this


    Remember what I said about all the messages and input a man receives in a day?

    All of us are continually being bombarded day in, day out with tons of facts. This is especially true in our digitally-driven world.

    And a man doesn’t “multi-task” the way we women do.

    He gets distracted. He gets focused on things that SEEM important in the moment and then can easily let YOU and your needs fall by the wayside.

    So what he needs, in the middle of all this mental activity and bombardment is for YOU to offer him FEELINGS. Emotions. Real, honest, gut- level feelings – expressed in a way he can HEAR – that can return him to being a human being.

    Feelings are very different from what he’s used to. And your success at getting through to him and creating connection is all about HOW you express those feelings. What you say as well as what you don’t say.

    There’s a quote that goes like this:

    “It’s the space between the bars that holds the tiger.”

    And so it is with a man. When you know which words to say – and which to leave out – you create a safe space for both of you.

    A safe space to express your true feelings, and a safe space that will HOLD a man in a way that feels blissful to him.

    Creating and “holding” this “space between the bars” for a man is a skill.

    And once you learn the skill of knowing what to say and what not to say – you give a man the chance to be the hero he WANTS to be for you.

    When you deliver your thoughts and feelings in a way a man can truly hear, he’ll be yours forever.

    Love, Rori

  366.  #366GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I took the 5 love languages quiz and I scored:

    Quality Time – 11
    Acts of Service – 8
    Physical Touch – 6
    Words of Affirmation – 5
    Receiving Gifts – 0

    Yep, gifts do nothing for me. I guess that’s why I don’t wear jewelry given by ex bfs.

  367.  #367Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 8:00 am

    GivingGirl I also believe this name you chose for yourself and Acts of Service might be significantly tied in some way to your overfunctiong?

  368.  #368Jan on April 28, 2012 at 8:04 am

    OK. I am confused.
    I just got Rori’s newsletter in my email about how to frame what you need to say to a man to express your feelings. So if you are leaning back can you then also express your feelings? Is it that you don’t initiate that conversation yourself?
    I am feeling so frustrated with the not contacting…maybe I am just trying to make excuses for wanting to send an expressive email. ;p
    I feel miserable about it today!

  369.  #369GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 8:20 am

    @367 FW

    Yes, I feel more comfortable giving than receiving. I think I fear receiving because I fear no one wants to give to me. I fear not being thought of and forgotten. So, I give instead.

  370.  #370GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 8:22 am

    I’ve signed up for Rori’s newsletters a couple times, but I haven’t received any and they are not in my spam. Not sure why.

  371.  #371Starla on April 28, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Thank you everyone for your sweet comments to me.

  372.  #372siren song on April 28, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Giving girll: ‘I feel more comfortable giving than receiving. I think I fear receiving because I fear no one wants to give to me. I fear not being thought of and forgotten. So, I give instead.’

    I feel the same way.

  373.  #373Starla on April 28, 2012 at 8:46 am

    I woke up to a dream about CF. Well, more of a nightmare, really. It was just me trying to get him back and him rejecting me. I feel lousy.

    In my dream I called him, so I had to check my phone when I woke up to make sure I didn’t sleep-call him. So annoyed.

  374.  #374GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 8:58 am

    @372 Siren song

    It feels good not to feel alone on that.

  375.  #375GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 9:00 am


  376.  #376Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 9:05 am

    3) He fears he isn’t enough

    This one is often the hardest one for women to notice, but every man has this fear. Some show it often, while others never admit to this fear. This is why most men feel a strong drive to produce and accomplish things. It validates their masculinity. Men need to prove to themselves that they are strong, competent and in control of their environment. Yet, regardless of a man’s talent, there will always be circumstances that catch him off guard, and he will experience doubts about his masculine power.

    What to Do: Most women try and comfort a man when they see that he is discouraged. That is often not helpful. Even though your intentions are good, that isn’t what he needs. Instead focus on his ability to overcome his problem. Use this as a guide. When you see him upset or overwhelmed by a problem, find a way to say, “I know you can fix this. I don’t know how, but I do know you.”

    If you say that, or something like that to a man that is discouraged, you may not get an immediate reaction or he may even dismiss your compliment. But I promise, he’ll feel it. It’s what he was hoping someone would say. As a result, he’ll feel a special devotion to you, the woman who knew just the right thing to say when he had doubts

    Bob Grant

  377.  #377Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Jan the problem with leaning forward is that for the most part we are expecting something (controlling the outcome). Men experience it as icky, chasing and a slew of other things we don’t mean because of our vibe. You can “experiment” with leaning forward when you don’t care what happens, he might become defensive or run away. You are comfortable with him ignoring you and not giving you what you want. IMHO, otherwise your self-esteem takes a hit.

  378.  #378Starla on April 28, 2012 at 9:12 am

    FW, I feel good reading 377. I can’t wait to have my vibe back on straight again!

  379.  #379Starla on April 28, 2012 at 9:20 am

    I need to get an old fashioned alarm clock set up in my bedroom and shut my phone off while I’m sleeping. I’m such a stormy sleeper that I really will call him in my sleep. I even dialed his number in my dream, probably cuz I’m trying so hard to forget it in my waking life! LOL, I feel amused.

  380.  #380Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Read More > > >


    Great question…

    Part of your dilemma is cultural. Has anybody noticed, in the United States and possibly in similar cultures like UK and Australia, a sort of “third date” sex expectation or pressure? So you’re facing that challenge, too.

    As you know, sexual attraction and flirtation don’t have to involve the sex act. If the guys is mature and if the attraction is strong, he’ll be able to hear the word “no,” especially when said in a conspiratorial spirit that communicated “hey, I really like you, I just want to take it slow.” (Cue Janet Jackson!)

    What might help is having some dates during the DAYTIME…like lunch or a visit to the park or art museum. Make the date END during the day (i.e. “I have to go visit my aunt tonight.”)…and there will be less sex pressure AND you’ll be able to use your 7th Sense training to assess your friendship potential with the guy and his maturity level.

    Not every date has to be a “hot” date at night. Throw some “cool” daytime dates in there. You’ll also preserve his sense of pride and level of masculinity by turning your observations to a positive – for example, simply telling him that “not talking about sex is the sexiest thing of all, and patience with it…” Then hopefully he’s smart enough to take the hint and save face…

    And…we can’t say enough about masculinity and femininity. The more feminine you feel, the less you’ll “need” sex early on. The more masculine you make him feel through 1) flirting and 2) cheerleading him, the more likely he is to shift from “wanting” sex NOW to instead, “anticipating” the lovemaking without putting undue pressure on you.

    Paul Dobransky

  381.  #381GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 9:27 am

    @376 FW

    Thanks for sharing!

  382.  #382Jan on April 28, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Thanks FeminineWoman for writing that. I am putting it up on my computer to help me from emailing. It’s sooooooooo hard.


  383.  #383Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 9:29 am

    Do you take courageous action on your own behalf? As women we were not really taught the value of courage, that was something reserved for boys. But being fully committed to loving someone and being vulnerable (which true love requires) demands that you have courage. It’s not easy to trust another human being with your deepest self; it can feel like a risk. But once you dive into a romantic relationship, it will require courage to hang in there to face the ups and downs. Other courageous actions you will need to take are: speaking up for yourself, honoring your boundaries, and telling the truth.
    Your mindset to find love will change as you take action

    Your mindset will be your greatest ally to help you find love and at the same time it will help you improve every area of your life

  384.  #384Starla on April 28, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Feeling amused that a few days feels like weeks to me.

    Also finally consciously noticing how much I panic about preventing breakups in the warmer months, because I have this controlling idea that we absolutely must bond during this time!! One of my biggest “fears,” around not seeing CF anymore is that we won’t have a summer romance this year.

    Aww, I love summer romance.:)

  385.  #385Starla on April 28, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Gosh, it feels good to finally start to extract some external factors contributing to my heartbroken feelings beyond our actual relationship. Those are the easiest beliefs to render powerless and lessen the overall sting.

  386.  #386siren song on April 28, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I feel really really anxious today. I feel like i’m going to throw up. I feel really lonely and ignored. I went to a party with an old cd last night and he spent most of the night flirting with women who were much much younger than me. I felt so triggered.

    I ended up calling the guy who is angy at me (big mistake). He hasn’t returned my message. Ugh. I knew i shouldn’t have called. I feel gross now.

    I miss when he would ask me our for friday nights and we would go out and have a great time. I feel so sad.

  387.  #387Starla on April 28, 2012 at 10:25 am

    ((((((((((((siren song)))))))))))))))

  388.  #388Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 10:38 am

    siren song it was not about you. He might have wanted to know he’s still got it. Maybe he thinks he is not good enough for them and was working to quell his own fears and insecurities. I would encourage you to speak up and walk away next time, if this happens again. These situations help us to notice ourselves and grow.

    warm hugs

  389.  #389siren song on April 28, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Hmm…my reply didn’t show up…

    Thanks for the comments, starla and fw. Love to you (and your fingers, fw)

  390.  #390Turquoise on April 28, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Hi sirens…..

    Healing Waterfall, I feel so badly that you feel so invisible, but I’m glad you know it’s not true. I have felt that way before, but realized it was my nv’s and I just shoo them away when they come around. Everything will be ok.

    Starla, I know exactly how you feel about the summer romances, sigh. I don’t n ormally have one, but always wish I did. You are in my thoughts, and I’m so glad you are getting out.

    I did the yogurt mask last night, felt wonderful and I believe regular use will help my skin. I see a slight improvement already.

    Getting ready for my date and feel it’s going to be a really nice second date. I’m excited!

    C is on my mind, more than he should be….. But I am working through it.


  391.  #391siren song on April 28, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I feel so sick for having called guy who is mad. Now i can’t stop thinking about my phone. Ew. I totally wanted something from him. I wanted him to make me feel better. I wanted him back.

    I felt triggered and sad having nobody pay attention to me last night and today. I feel tiny and alone.

    Am i addicted to male attention or something?

    I feel totally weird.

  392.  #392siren song on April 28, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I have a belief that i need male attention to have a good time! Omg. That’s what’s going on.

  393.  #393siren song on April 28, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I can trace this back to being 14. It never entered my mind that i needed boys to have a good time until then.
    I feel good. And scared.

  394.  #394Starla on April 28, 2012 at 11:08 am

    ok, i pulled myself nicely together and off to lunch and class and work i go. be back tonight, sirens (((((((((blog))))))))))))

  395.  #395Femininewoman on April 28, 2012 at 11:11 am

    siren song it is more than just the attention. It is the adventure, masculine strength, their very presence that brings that feeling of aaaahhhh (home). When I acknowledge that and stopped hiding from it I was better able to bask in the abundance out there.

  396.  #396Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Starla, I love summer romance too….

    Oh, that makes me think of that sad sad Keith Urban song When Summer Comes Around…. I think that’s what it’s called…. πŸ™

  397.  #397Coco Kisses on April 28, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Today I feel very sad…..i had to put down my beloved dog who was suffering from bone cancer….i am heartbroken…not only that, yesterdsy wiyhout any wsrning, my boss informed me and my coworker that she had to let us go, because she could no longer afford to pay us…so now i have to start all over again from scratch with no clients ..i know that god doesnt give u more than u can handle but can i please have so joy and success in my life, and more importantly, some true love

  398.  #398Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 11:40 am

    FW, I love this:

    “it is more than just the attention. It is the adventure, masculine strength, their very presence that brings that feeling of aaaahhhh (home).” Mmmm.

    And this:

    “Other courageous actions you will need to take are: speaking up for yourself, honoring your boundaries, and telling the truth.”

    I feel proud of myself for having that courage this time around. I feel sad that the outcome wasn’t different, but it feels good that I was brave.

    Thanks for sharing these, FW. <3

  399.  #399Jennifer on April 28, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    *facepalm* I’m an arse.
    my brother gave my number to a guy at work. We went for coffee….he’s at the start of a divorce and totally tensed out. Stressed to the max.
    We had a two hour chat about our lives, advice was exchanged all and all a nice chat.
    But totally no chemistry.
    I feel like such an arse hole.
    He’s texting me, telling me he thinks I’m beautiful and smart and great to be around and I’m thinking….blah. Don’t touch me.
    *sigh* I wander around in circles, complaining to anyone who’ll listen that men don’t see me. I’m invisible. If they do they’re jerks, they only want one thing.
    This guy shows up…complimenting me and listening to me and on and on…and what do I do? Grey out.
    I’m an idiot.
    This is ridiculous.
    Fer cryin out loud….

  400.  #400Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    ohhh Feminine Woman I love what you wrote about masculine strength and adventure….

  401.  #401Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 12:31 pm


    Trust Your Boundaries
    Follow Your Feelings
    Choose Your Words
    Be Surprised

    “Because I know what I will not tolerate, because I can feel what I feel, because I’ve stated clearly what I feel and don’t want, I can let go of control.” (Rori Raye)

    I love Rori. I feel such deep and joyful gratitude for her work and her help, even in the midst of my grief.

    Even though this relationship did not go the way I had hoped, the experience of it – my first relationship that began after learning Rori’s work – has created a sense so strong inside myself that Rori’s ideas really are a bright light shining on the path of lasting relationship and love.

    Of course I did not do everything perfectly, or even close, but I have no regrets.

    I feel peaceful and joyful about the feeling of integrity I have for not going down the blame/control/explaining path I went down with my ex-h.

    Yes, I did some of that, but only a teeny tiny fraction compared to the past.

    Giving up “explaining” has been the hardest, and where I faltered most – yet I stopped myself so many times and made different choices, miraculously much for me!

    The RR mantra is incredible when you put it into practice – it “works” – not to “get you everything you want,” that’s not what I mean by “works”….

    It works to make you feel congruent with love –

    both love of yourself, and love of the other.

    It makes you feel peaceful, not panicky.

    It makes you feel proud and respectable, not ashamed and guilty.

    It makes you feel strong inside while soft and vulnerable outside.

    It makes you feel competent.

    It makes you feel alive and free.

    It makes you feel joyful, even when you are hurting.

    I feel so grateful. I feel a great deal of pain and sorrow right now and am grieving the loss of some really special moments and the promise of more to come with this particular man.

    Yet I feel hope. I feel courageous.

    I still love him and always will.

    My life goes on, and I will continue to trust myself, follow my feelings, choose my words, and be surprised.

    Life is good.


  402.  #402Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    (((Jennifer))) Thats how it is at first, I was not used to receiving and opening up to any men that were not part of my past patterns..


  403.  #403Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:36 pm


  404.  #404Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    guy i went out with last nite kinda went on a rant how its not worth it for him to take that risk (he had a couple drinks but he was ok ) and drive so far late nite and he would get a hotel but doesnt want to pay for it and stay alone

    basically to me it seemed he was ranting over me not staying iwth him

    i had alredy told him i wasnt

    before we left

    to go there

    so now i feel a bit scared and put off and disappointed

    im like ok this is how come i had that boundary of not oging out of town w men the first tiem (and this wasnt far it was still close)


    yeah that felt bad and i notice i wanna ‘punish’ him by not seeing him again and ialso feel all open

    i lened back and he did say well its not your fault this is me and my planning

    but gosh i dnot wanna hear bout it while im there i felt bad and pressured πŸ™ and turend off and


    and i feel glad im writing about it wow


  405.  #405Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    I had fun going to a poppin bar just like i had been wanting to go!!

  406.  #406Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    now im being invited to hang out at an after party with my guy friend!

    wow my life is takin off like Lizka!

    for me it was the healing of that kindergarten moment thing that shifted my everyday state of being/ feeling

    i feel so easily included in stuff now and like its easy to chill w cool people and they want me to

  407.  #407Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    Thank you Daria. (((((Daria))))) <3

  408.  #408Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    oh yeah GetRight called AGAIN yesterday and wanted to see me

    he was still in his gruff voice and i actually LISTENED TO HIM (i realized in that moment how i would just get annoeyd and nto listen)

    and relaized of course as i knew all the time – IT IS A JOKE!! his roughness is a joke the whole time and i wasnt getting it

    i was at first but then started gettinga ll ‘serious’ and was missing the joke

    now it was easy to say awww hehe i feel flattered yes i miss u too

    he probably even found a ride for me (i considered then declined going to him on my own, though he had suggested my taking the bus)

    but i already had accepted a date with guy from last nite so i didnt pick up that call


    my energy has opened

  409.  #409Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    yesterday i woke up and cried for hours over dead friends and the way it felt meeting them and now im thinking of Guywho (he knows them too)

    and i cried over those moments and how incredible it felt and prayed to have that feeling wehnever and i feel more open and fly now… more open towards Guywho too and ike i can bring in that feeling of amazement i had with him in my everday whenever i want


    Im feeling lovely to have this

  410.  #410Daria on April 28, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    it felt good and profound to really bring in the moment of being with those friends and connect with them

    i dont usually cry over my passed away peoples so i felt surprised and deep

  411.  #411Jennifer on April 28, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    He just didn’t do it for me. He’s smaller than me. Like he’s 5’5″ maybe 140 lbs. I’m 5’7″ and 200 lbs. I don’t feel attracted to men who are smaller than me. Which is dumb. Their height does not translate into their masculinity.
    Ima jerk.

  412.  #412Daria on April 28, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Jennifer – thats ok, see so much to practice with here…

    first off chance to love on myself and the guilt i feel not beign attreacted to someone and the jdugemetns on myslef about the reason i think – its petty, bad, shouldnt be an issue etc

    this is BIG for me, i used to not be attracte dto ‘big’ or ‘nice’ men babystepping to not judging myeslf AND realizing its not that actually and i AM attracted to some and it was something else that was turning me off all along! while i was judging myself!

    so thats something to embrace and shift and heal right there!

    then theres all the ‘he HAS to do it for me pressure’ i do feel so much better when i don’t put pressure on myself fo rthe guy to do it for me!

    my ‘boyfriendiest’ Cd, Neighbor CD … STILL doesn’t do it for me yet, and yet our rleationship is feeling the closest yet and he contributes to my life in ways that feel good!

  413.  #413Daria on April 28, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    its all about the practicing the tools with the men yay!

    go Daria…

    im feeling anxiousness and wanting to find some guy to take me out, really i can take my own self out

    i feel afraid of ‘tension energy’ w my parents as they’re wroking something out for me in my closet adn i dont want to be treated bad and i feel scared of it


  414.  #414Daria on April 28, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    im feelin kinaa sad now


  415.  #415Jennifer on April 28, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    ok…what’s this? The he HAS to do it for me pressure? Doesn’t he have to do it for me? Isn’t that the whole point? I feel confused.

  416.  #416GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    ((((((((Coco kisses))))))))) I’m so sorry.

  417.  #417GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 1:47 pm


  418.  #418GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    ((((Daria)))) I feel bad too when men try to use guilt to get me to change my mind. So many do that.

  419.  #419Radlove on April 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I am beside myself with this R thing. I know he will contact me again. But I’ve messed it up so many times, and he has pushed me away so many times that I am beginning to think I’ve used up my 70X7, know what I mean?

    I just fell asleep at the computer. Totally zonked. I don’t know if I want to take a formal nap cuz there’s a party in West Chester at someone’s home at 7, and what I really need to do is shower, change, and cook something to take for the pot luck dinner. Something! But I guess I don’t even feel like cooking for that. I guess I feel discouraged from cooking because I am so sick of food bank food.

    The only reason I have gas money is cuz I returned the brakes yesterday that my neighbor didn’t install. And if I go tonight, that means no gas for church tomorrow. So I am feeling stifled. I really want and need to be around people tonight tho. Ugh.

  420.  #420LoveAlways on April 28, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    Good afternoon Sirens:

    I feel bad that I am not able to catch up on the blog these past few weeks. I just don’t feel the attention span to read. I’m so deep into my feelings, every minute, each whim, I feel like a bouncing ball. But it’s all good. I miss conversing with you all and responding to your posts – please be patient, I need some time – I just jump on the blog to imprint my feelings, and you know, it’s also the process of sharing.

    Anyway, Just wanted to share that for the first time, I’m sitting down, by myself, deep in thought . . . SCRIPTING!!! Woo Hoo! It has been a major metal block for me for the past 7 months since I’ve been using Rori’s programs. I just couldn’t do it. Especially with CD song. No script seemed to work, he is just mean and surly sometimes and does not respond. Well, I haven’t gotten up the energy to tackle that lion, but I am scripting for CD assertive.

    Never got to Targeting Mr. Right this weekend because I keep listening to Commitment Blueprint. I was even getting a pedicure with my ear buds in! Something Rori said in this program that got me feeling something totally different, in the blink of an eye – she was talking about stepping away and seeing him in a different light and then realizing that he turns you off. That struck a nerve with me, and it changed the scripts I was writing. Had to get deeper into my feelings – and I realize that I can’t determine the outcome of this situation – he has to. So I’m spending a lovely saturday afternoon with a lovely view, a pen and pretty yellow notebook.



  421.  #421Radlove on April 28, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I am not feeling very compassionate with my weak parts right now.

  422.  #422Aurora Girl on April 28, 2012 at 2:04 pm


    Re FW’s post about men, their fears, their need to have someone validate and reassure them they can do it……

    yes….I think true in many cases……and if they’ve erred they need our noting it (….”I feel sad when I’m called a “…”….”I don’t want to be called that…..) and then they need to sit with it and fix it…and we need to let them feel it and correct it for themselves too…..and not rescue them or find blame or personalize it for ourselves….

    my sweety and I spoke about an issue that came up this past week (I wrote above it way above…when he called me a derogatory name thinking it meant something else)….it was hard but we are moving through it…..I am trying to keep the nv’s from taking hold…..

    decided to go ahead and drive to visit him this weekend….he has been doing 85% of the driving this winter……damtnt didn’t I get a speeding ticket! yuck….didn’t see the slow down signs on a minor highway…….:(

    trying to stay positive and grow up instead of down….



  423.  #423GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I was at my parents house to drive them to the airport. My mom is always super critical of my dad. She was walking at the back of the house and said, “didn’t I tell you to bring the toothpaste?!” My dad got a smile on his face and said, “uh, yes, you did.” in a tone knowing he forgot. She got all mad, “I only asked you to do one thing and you couldn’t even do it!”

    Then, we’re getting ready to leave and he finishes his coffee and puts the cup in the dishwasher. She says, “you just couldn’t leave it clean!”. He’s all confused, “Leave what clean?” She says, “the dishwasher!” He said, “do you want to wash the mug?” She said, “no!” He said, “well then?”

    I don’t ever want my relationship to be like that.

  424.  #424Aurora Girl on April 28, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    …going to go watch a movie with his 80 year old mom this evening when he is at work….girls night she is otherwise all alone this weekend as her family is away……

    she’s already called me her daughter in law…..very cute….but not so sure I’m comfortable with it yet.

  425.  #425Radlove on April 28, 2012 at 2:08 pm


    Thanks for sharing! I relate. Glad you are progressing.

    Lately I feel like I am regressing. I feel so frustrated with myself. I have been brainwashing myself with Rori’s tools and all this healing stuff for three years now. Mentally, I GET it.

    But emotionally, when I feel sunk in isolation, I just forget it all and just reach out to R like I am drowning…in desperation. And I just keep messing up with him with my needy vibe.

    I’m lonely. Sorry for existing men, but I feel way to da*n fu*king lonely.

  426.  #426Aurora Girl on April 28, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    love always….
    can you elaborate on this :

    “got me feeling something totally different, in the blink of an eye – she was talking about stepping away and seeing him in a different light and then realizing that he turns you off.” That struck a nerve with me, and it changed the scripts I was writing. Had to get deeper into my feelings – and I realize that I can’t determine the outcome of this situation – he has to.

  427.  #427Aurora Girl on April 28, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Giving Girl
    I felt sad when I read the exchange between your parents….I’ve heard it so many places….between sibs…between parents….between parents and children……

    ((((Giving Girl))))


  428.  #428Daria on April 28, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Jennifer – mm i used to think so, and maybe a part of me still believes that (((that part of me Daria)))

    what its about is not necessarily that now for me, more abotu RECEIVING what each man offers to make my life better…

    not so much about whether he is turning me on sexually … just opening my heart and receiving and trusting that the turning on thing will happen at a time that is good for me

  429.  #429GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    @426 & 427 Aurora Girl

    Thank you πŸ™‚

    426 is what I just went through with BoatGuy. I decided to take a step back and I felt very turned off by his actions (or lack thereof) and a little embarrassed I’ve been allowing him to fly me like a kite at his whim. I no longer felt the need to keep things alive and contact him. He was giving me what I didn’t want and not giving me what I wanted.

  430.  #430Aurora Girl on April 28, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Giving Girl

    I can see…..stepping back and seeing in a different light…..moves us to shift our approach…..

    I find it tricky sometimes….I can see someone in one light one moment….and in another in a different moment…..I struggle with this sometimes…because no one’s perfect……men are not perfect….they have these great sides to them….and not so great sides to them……my “deal breakers” don’t shift….(the stuff I wont’ tolerate-abuse…..heavy substance use….etc.) but sometimes the little things teeter totter….annoying…understanding….annoying….understanding…….lol

  431.  #431s on April 28, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    can someone help me.. he just broke up with me and i miss him so bad what do i do :'(

  432.  #432Radlove on April 28, 2012 at 2:42 pm


    Fall to the floor…..sink into your feelings…allow yourself to cry your heart out. Journal here until your fingers cramp. Cry some more. Call your girlfriends. Cry some more. Paint yourself in love, caressing yourself like a fragile porcelain doll as you shower. Cry some more.

    try to not contact him….

    I know, it’s hard.

    Hugs, Radlove.

  433.  #433Aurora Girl on April 28, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    (((((((((((((((((((((( s ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    …….love to you.
    …….shoulders to lean on…
    …….sirens that understand…………..

  434.  #434siren song on April 28, 2012 at 2:51 pm


  435.  #435Daria on April 28, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    (((((s))))) accept attention from other men… make an online dating profile immediately… attention from other men is one of tho most soothing energy shifts for me… it helps me so much and im learning to feel good about receiving it instead of judging myself for enjoying it and having it feel so pwoerful for me

  436.  #436Radlove on April 28, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    I wish I could will myself to just not like men. Durn! πŸ˜†

  437.  #437LoveAlways on April 28, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    “Lately I feel like I am regressing. I feel so frustrated with myself. I have been brainwashing myself with Rori’s tools and all this healing stuff for three years now. Mentally, I GET it.~But emotionally, when I feel sunk in isolation, I just forget it all and just reach out to R like I am drowning…in desperation. And I just keep messing up with him with my needy vibe.~I’m lonely. Sorry for existing men, but I feel way to da*n fu*king lonely.”

    I am so with you! This is what I feel sometimes, LONELY, and I’m with my CDs but I’m lonely. I love CD assertive, but I’m lonely, and so this has to do with my reaction to these men and how it makes me feel. There is no easy answer – that is what I’m learning, but I also have to keep feeling.

    I understand your feeling about brainwashing because you think it, you understand it, you practice it, but you keep having the same reactions. For me, the best I can do at this point is to stay in my feelings, and THIS is a whole new ball game for me in my quest for love (oh, and I just admitted to myself that I AM looking for love). So I’m curious, are you in your feelings Radlove? Whether it’s desperation, neediness, loneliness – how does it feel after you get into that feeling? I’M FEELING CLUELESS!!!! But I think it’s okay, because I’ve never had this end result feeling before. It’s normally pain or feeling stupid/embarrassed/alone that I feel, but this time it’s all different. I’m clueless and I don’t know what else to do but feel, and script and strive to stay positive, but then I want to be held and kissed and there’s no one to do that for me what means anything real, and I’m back to crying into my sleeve that I’m a grown woman looking for love like a teenager still.

  438.  #438LoveAlways on April 28, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Aurora Girlsays:
    # 426 – “love always…. can you elaborate on this : β€œgot me feeling something totally different, in the blink of an eye – she was talking about stepping away and seeing him in a different light and then realizing that he turns you off.” That struck a nerve with me, and it changed the scripts I was writing. Had to get deeper into my feelings – and I realize that I can’t determine the outcome of this situation – he has to.”

    CD assertive and I are not speaking to each other, and it’s probably over between us (and it’s a stupid misunderstanding). So I was listening to Commitment Blueprint to figure out how do I step back and what do I do when/if he does a turn around. I’m not lifting a finger to make things right, etc. But then, when I heard that section of the program about the turnaround, Rori says you take a different look at the guy and you see him differently. So at that moment, I did, and I didn’t like him, and I was turned off. And I realized that deep inside I was feeling like this is not going to work out because I’m not liking how he makes me feel and that his actions lately make him unattractive to me. Literally turned off. So, he has to turn around, lean forward and I’m still not sure how I’m going to feel about me and him, but I do know that if he does nothing, there will be absolutely nothing, because he wont be hearing from me or anything – that’s what I meant by it’s up to him. My scripts changed because I’m ready to share these feelings that I don’t want the type of relationship we are in and I have no way of knowing what is going to happen when I use these scripts, but I can only speak my truth. His responses will ultimately determine the conversation and the outcome.

  439.  #439LoveAlways on April 28, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Get into your feelings and break up with him (even if you don’t tell him). Release yourself from that feeling of being pushed away. Start a plan to circular date (see Daria’s post to you). Even if you can’t get yourself going on it, at least plan it out. The workbook in targeting mr right has a great section in it for planning your circular dating.

  440.  #440Starla on April 28, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    wow, so many male eyes on me today:)
    I felt pretty when I left the house. This superfine guy stopped to talk to me and it lit me up even more and it just carries and carries. Men have always been very drawn to me. I feel magical.

  441.  #441Starla on April 28, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    recently happened to me.
    Just start by sending lots of love to yourself. I put on a broken record in my head that said “love to me love to me love to me,” even if it felt fake or like a lie. This set a really good tone. Now, no matter how desperate and alone and confused I’m feeling, I have enough self-love in place to keep me from turning to HIM for relief.

    Imagine how you can use this time to reinvent yourself or just focus on you.

    Embrace your freedom.

    Try to think of the sh*tty things your BF did, too. When guys break up with us, we suddenly forget how lame they were to us.

    Spam the blog if you need to. Just vent and cry here. It’s all good. <3

  442.  #442Brandylion on April 28, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Lizka, (and any other marathoners)

    I read this passage in the marathon training book I’m following, and I felt so inspired that I wanted to share it with you:

    There is a start and a finish, and in between you just run. That’s when you find out who you are and what you’re made of.

    The guy the authors quoted had some other good stuff to say too, but that is my favorite part.

    Also, I emailed your gmail account so I can be a FB siren too. πŸ™‚

  443.  #443Luzydel on April 28, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Second meeting with “parkguy” again, no strong over the top chemistry, but it feels good and connected, and he does step up and respect my boundaries of no sex until I feel safe; so i let him touch me subtly and he gave me a small peck in the lips before saying good bye. He seems to understand what I am doing so far. I am treating all Meetings equally this time, so no “X” rated stuff :). Another guy wanted to go out today, but I had previous plans and I told me that tomorrow I was available; he hasn’t return my message.
    Another guy call me today also, no meeting scheduled yet. “parkguy” is the only one who has kept contact after a first meeting and now second meeting, The others just faded away; but new ones are coming in.

  444.  #444Lilli on April 28, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    @Toni: I can totallt relate to what you are writing, I feel so the same way. How you intellectually kno and can see yourself, and yet emotionallay you get all stired around.

    Im intrested in how you are handeling it. And how it goes.

    Me myself right now, am feeling so confused. My head its spinning and my feelings and thought are all over the place. Cant seem to be able to spell even… (and yes I am also in Europe so this isnt my own language πŸ˜‰ letters all twirl around..


    I have been with a man for one year. Its my first long and better relationship since me and my husband after an eight years marraiage seperated. I was then heartbroken for a long time and went in to some kind of hibernation for years to follow – in order to heal and find my own ground again.
    This new man. Is a good man. We are both in our 40’s we both have grown children. And we have been having an excellent communication and emotional/spiritial understanding and on top of that surprisingly tender and intimate sex. In other words I truelly feel that I in this man have found apart from a good man (and great dad to his children) actually a good partner for my self… with someting to pay attention to and grow.
    And yet… the last months.. I just keep crying and arguing with him. Mainly because I keep feeling “second”.. or in other words of less importance.
    He has while we have been dating been in a separation with his wife since twenty years back. According to him (and his friends) they been only holding it toghether the last 6 years for the childring, simly being parents then husband and wife… and when I meet him that was also a feeling that I got from him… that in many ways he wasnt in a emotional chaos (depsite the divorce and moving situation) but he seemed calm and well aware of his feelings..

    I have had the worst possible dates the last years. πŸ™‚ Picking men that on all possible ways have been confirming any negative idea I might have on men..
    So when I meet this man, thru coomon workfriends, I was surprised of how mature he seemed and yet liked me (you can notice my pattern here.. eh… of low selfasteem, willing to surpass myself into the catagory of: inadequate and unlovable ;-). And tho I had second thought on his yet unfinished marrage, thru those overboard in order to open up to a man.. that perhaps actually would be able to penetrate my armed shelters. And he did.

    With kindness and tenderness – he saw me, and quitely wondered why if I truelly needed to stay armed at all times.

    He has been good to me. And I to him. We truelly have been caring and attentiv friends to each other. And passionate lovers.

    And yet, like I said… I feel secondary. I feel as if he is not truelly enagged in me. And when I think about it coldly, I can very well see that what he needs is time to move into his new flat, and find his own way, alone, with his children. Before he can engage in a new relationship further then just friendship and bedtimepartners…

    Sight… !!!!!! And I know Rori will now tell me, that I have corned my self in, and that I should circulair date, and focus on me. Wont you? πŸ˜‰

    But I so badly want it to work out! I dont want to fuck it up. (sorry the language) I refuse to loose!

    And there…. there is the problem. I see it. I hear me. I so desperately want to be in a loving relationship that I squeeeeeze the life out of it.
    But I truelly dont know how. I have previously either been pursued (in love) or dedicated myself and made things work (in work and motherhood). I dont trust that things will work out if I let go, if I go soft, if I dont stir things. If I beleived he was ready, and willing. Then maybe… but I dont think he is. I think I need to let go in order for him to figure it out on his own. And then, I feel all alone, and lost again. And tho I know I am neither. I am a strong self suffient woman who has raised a beutiful and warm son, and made a carrier as a travel journalist.. I am not lost in the world. And yet……………… I feeeeeeel lost. I feeel so utterly undecridebel alone. And it makes me feel so frightened – actaully paniced. That its going to be like that for even more years to come. And that I will get old and ungly and… even more alone.

    And of course, feeling all this feelings and seeing them come and show up showing of their little ugly faces.. knowing in my head it is likely not to stay true.. makes me feel even more like a basked case. And well yes.. acting like one too.

    So today: he asked me if I wanted to meet up this evening. I said yes. Like always we didnt do any certain plans (he doesnt seem to know how – and loves to “surprise and show up”) so I when time ticked and he dint get back to me on when and where, made my own plans. I dint exclude him, but i didnt sit around getting sader and angrier. I went for a walk in the setting sun, I bought berries and planned to make a pie. I even planned what movie to see i he wouldnt call me until even later. And I felt good about myself. I felt that I was doing my thing, and that felt nice. And then he called, apologiezed for not getting back earlier but explained it with that he and his kids had fun playing fotboll. So he wondered if we could meet out. I said that I was not in the mood for going out, and that I was in the middle of pie making. He seemed stunned..

    I asked him what he thought.. He said he thouhgt we had plannes to go out. I explained how I had experienced our communication and how that made me feel. He said that he hadnt been thinking. (still sounding stunned – I guess I usally am on stand by, and that this behaviour was knew to him/us) I said I had been looking forward in meeting him, and that he was welcome. He said after a long paus that he was looking forward in going out for a beer.

    This conversation on the telephone goes on for a while.. Im getting more and more angry, he is quite.
    I try to stick to my feelings. But I also explain way too much. Inside of me Im feeling pissed. For him asuming that all day I should have been on stand by, and now when I here he doent choose to meet me, but do “his thing”. So I tell him I am going to hand up, beacsue I am way to upset to continue talking.
    He says ok. And thats it.

    I hand up, and cry my eyes out. Idiot! … but who is the idiot – he or I? He forbeing such and selfish ashole not willing to change his plannes, or I for even thining that this guy just because he has his things together means he is devoted and engaged in a relationship to me?! Right, he is not? No man in love would choose an anomymous bar and a beer above good company of a loving partner.

    Or is it me? I know I have trust issues, we have spoken about them many times before (and I have thought that his behaviour previously have been beacsue he choose his ex-wife above me, or he wanted to be open and flirt with pther women… but that isnt the case. I am sure of it. He simply.. doesnt get it or doesnt want to get it.) So what about me….?
    Do I leave him, focus on me? Being open to others and to him if he would match up. Because I dont think I can. I cant stay a little open, my damm cracks open… I feel as if I have to keep myself all closed to function.

    Final sight… πŸ˜€ Thanks for the ear.

  445.  #445GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    430: Aurora Girl

    I hear ya! Every one has issues and no one is perfect. I don’t think it’s really about that. I think it’s about what meets your needs. Some people just are not good for each other.

    I was starting to feel like an FWB, more than someone he was dating. I’m not comfy with FWB & he knows that. Last time I saw him was Easter & before that was St. Paddy’s. I stopped contacting him and he’s text me a couple times, just randomness, but haven’t heard from him in 2 days. He can tell there’s a difference in me and honestly, I don’t expect to hear from him.

  446.  #446GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    (((S))) It’s ok to be sad. Time will be your friend. It helps to come here and just talk about how your feeling.

  447.  #447GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    @438 Love Always

    I’m feeling that exact same way right now.

  448.  #448Brandylion on April 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Sirens, I reposted my OkCupid profile last Saturday, and after an initial flood of men (7 in the first two days!), only one more new one has contacted me and most of those first ones have poofed. I feel weird that maybe there’s stuff in my profile that is turning men off, especially since I added stuff during the week and haven’t put anything in about what I’m looking for.

    I’d like to tell myself that only the wrong ones will be turned off, but I would feel better if someone who has CDed before would take a look and email me feedback. If you’re willing to do that for me, my user name is brandylion37 and my email address is that same name at Thanks!

  449.  #449siren song on April 28, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    did some of byron katie’s ‘the work’ on the angry guy and how much i think i want him suddenly today.

    i feel much better.

    i feel like he does love me and did try very hard to make it work. i feel happy that he’s on my horse. i want him to be happy and me to be happy.

  450.  #450Starla on April 28, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    siren song 448, i really like this post. It got my gears turning in a different direction and it feels much better.

  451.  #451Radlove on April 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    I’m at a party with 60 to 70 people, yet I fee/ closely connected w my email and internet on my phone.

    What’s wrong with this picture??

  452.  #452Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    Hugs to all the sirens tonight… including (((s)))

    I am feeling … hmm…. lots of things… weird and a little smiley and slightly annoyed and somewhat exasperated and confused and full of love and heartache and bewilderment and more smiles … due to my guy who is no longer my guy POKING me just now on facebook! What?

    Radlove, I wish we lived closer – it would be great to be able to get together last minute for loneliness emergency teas. <3

  453.  #453Radlove on April 28, 2012 at 6:45 pm


    Ty, me too. At least he is being kind.

  454.  #454Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    I was just studying Rori’s tool kit again… the control/surrender words… and I found an answer to something that has been bothering me:

    I have used the words “I don’t want to be treated like this” several times in my relationship, and I always felt a little uncomfortable with the way it sounds/feels….

    and here in Rori’s chart I found something I like better:

    “I don’t want to tolerate this.”

    The old one feels slightly victim-y,

    and the new one feels more like owning the responsibility and power.

    How do other sirens feel about this?

  455.  #455GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    @453 Lucy

    It feels parental to me. I like, “I feel like…..I don’t want to feel like that.”

  456.  #456Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Giving Girl…. thanks… hmmm. .. that feels interesting that it feels parental to you…

    I like your idea.. yet for me, it gives me a bit of a helpless feeling…. “I don’t want to feel like that…”

    because we can’t have an expectation that he will “fix it”… although I am thinking now, maybe we can add:

    “I feel like…..I don’t want to feel like
    that. What do you think we can do about it?”

    How does that feel?

  457.  #457Jessie1000 on April 28, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Hi Radlove
    When Im at a party…I pick out the oldest person in the crowd….the older the better….they are always the most uncomfortable and the most willing to make conversations usually….i go right over and be very friendly….hope it helps?
    Kisses honey
    Hope things are welll

  458.  #458GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Lucy….hmmm, I don’t know. I’m not saying it expecting an outcome. I’ve been thinking about this in case BoatGuy contacts me and I was going to say, “I feel more and more like an FWB and I don’t want to feel like that.” I’m not expecting him to fix it. I feel it’s my way of saying it’s not what I want, which means I won’t be participating.

    How does that feel?

  459.  #459Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 8:11 pm

    Giving Girl, I see. So you’re basically telling him you’re not going to do what you’ve been doing anymore, is that right?

    In my case, it’s about the times he made critical or accusing or blaming statements to me (okay, well, my perception that they were that way)…

    So if I said “I feel bad hearing that. I don’t want to feel like this”

    I would have to just leave anyway, so as not to hear it and feel that way.

    But really, I would have liked us to find a way to help each other…. and i tried to say that… and I did say it really, but maybe not in words that he was able to hear.

    Maybe it would have helped if i had said, “I feel bad hearing that. I don’t want to feel like this. What do you think we can do about it?”

    I guess I thought I had said basically that, but not in exactly those words, and it seemed like he just changed the subject/focus, and didn’t offer any solution (other than more words about how the problem is me, because he’s NOT criticizing/blaming/accusing and it’s my issue.)

    So, in the end, I just had to walk away.

    And that’s okay.

    I guess I’m just trying to see what I can learn about doing better next time I get in a similar situation, with whomever.

  460.  #460GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Lucy, yes, that is correct. Although, I don’t think I’ll have to say it because I don’t think he’ll contact me. He runs from stuff like this and I have not been acting like usual, so he knows something is up. I think he’ll just walk away without a word and that’s what I will do too. I’ve already said how I feel so many times.

    I don’t know. It’s tough. What if you were to say, “I will not be spoken to this way.” and then walk out of the room? How does that feel?

  461.  #461Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    uh oh

    What do you all think of this?

    Complaining is not supposed to be a good thing for anyone to do, right?

    Well, I looked up the definition

    “to express grief, pain, or discontent”

    Um. Doesn’t that sound like a Feeling Message?

    So does that mean that when we express “negative” feelings we are Complaining?

    I feel possible disappointment about this.*

    (*I was making a face that expressed how I was feeling but couldn’t identify the feeling in words, so I asked my daughter to look at my face and tell me what it looked like i was feeling. She laughed and then said “Disappointment… or possible disappointment – like you might be disappointed but are hoping maybe you won’t be.”)

    I find that my face is naturally very emotionally expressive, yet I don’t always know what words to use for my feelings. (That’s part of why I don’t like talking on the phone.)

  462.  #462Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    “I will not be spoken to this way” — hmmm…. well, now that feels parental to ME. πŸ™‚

    Funny how we all have different associations with different word combinations, isn’t it?

    Makes it really tough! because maybe the guy’s associations are way different from ours too. :/

    Thanks so much for talking about this with me, GG.

    Gotta go for now.


  463.  #463GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    @460 Lucy

    Yes, I believe most people feel anything negative is complaining. There’s no way around it, but everything can’t be perfect and positive all the time. I feel people who would call it complaining are the one’s who don’t want to understand and deal.

    I’m also very expressive with my facial expressions. I don’t even realize it sometimes.

  464.  #464GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    LOL, I guess it does sound parental. It’s true though, we all feel different things, that’s why things are so hard to figure out!

    Have a good night, Lucy!!

  465.  #465Starla on April 28, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    My horoscope warns me that tomorrow I will feel an impulsive urgency to contact an ex or spend a lot of money. I know it’s just some silly horoscope, but I am going to shut my phone off tomorrow and just take a day in all to myself and go really into myself.

  466.  #466GivingGirl on April 28, 2012 at 9:12 pm

    Mr. Observant is on FB & it would feel so nice if he would chat with me.

  467.  #467s on April 28, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    wow.. you girls are really awesome.. thank you so much.. i feel scared to try the whole circle dating thing.. i seem to get attached so easily.. it’s not good πŸ™ at times i feel like i will be fine, and then i get a burst of hopelessness. grr..

    thank you again for all the responses.. it really helped me to read those even though it made me cry.. makes me feel that we are all in this together.. everybody deals with heartbreak at some point right..
    feels good to know i’m not alone

    doesn’t make it suck any less!.. πŸ™‚


  468.  #468Starla on April 28, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    aaaand I just shut off my phone for bed time and put it somewhere hard to get to, since I have such vivid dreams about calling CF.
    LOL “crazy” Starla. You poor dear. You miss him terribly but at least you’re doing the sensible thing in making it as hard as possible for you to “go there.”

    Ohhh (((my brain)))))

  469.  #469Lucy on April 28, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    I just saw this intriguing quote:

    When a girl says “I’m done,”
    it usually means “fight for me.”

    Aw. That really resonates deep in me.

  470.  #470Starla on April 28, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    Lucy, that resonates for me too. And I try to remember that it is also a mindf*ck and a half. I always try to remember to tread lightly with that one.

  471.  #471Emerson on April 28, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    Healing Waterfall
    I”m sorry you feel like an invisible siren.
    Thank you for expressing and being authentic…

  472.  #472Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 5:55 am


    You probably feel that CF is someone who really cared about you unlike many people in your life who were supposed to care about you, but were too unhappy/busy with their own problems. What if I tell you that you will meet many more people who will care about you, maybe even better. They are out there, men and women, you just need to meet them, have faith and give them a chance.

  473.  #473Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 6:17 am

    I feel unhappy about the way I handled a conflict with SmartCD last week ;(

    He was calling me every night and we we had really nice long conversations. He asked for my address to send me flowers/visit and I didn’t give it right away, but on Friday morning I texted it to him. He called and asked: is it for a visit or for gifts? I said – a visit would feel really nice. We started talking about something else and talked for a while but there were no plans for him to visit, so I got upset at some point and said ok, I have to go. He asked – why do you have to go all of the sudden? I said – it would feel really good to see you. He said – ok, what if I come over next weekend? Is next weekend good? I felt all happy and said ok, next weekend is good.

    Then we hung up and shortly I texted him: ‘only next weekend’. He replied immediately: ‘is it a question or a statement?’ I felt angry and upset and didn’t understand his question, so I didn’t reply. Only the next day, in the afternoon I texted back: ‘Oh it was a feeling of regret’. and then told him that 1st part of my application process got approved and they submitted my papers for the 2nd stage. I haven’t heard back since..

    I feel bad that was taken off guard somehow when we were on the phone and didn’t say how I felt about him not visiting and even yesterday instead of texting I could call and express my feelings.. double stupidity πŸ™

  474.  #474Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 6:29 am


    I felt sad when I read your post…..because it seemed like the texting might have been met with some misinterpretation, first his trying to clarify and then you trying to clarify….and oh then some yuk?

    and nvs that run rampant?


  475.  #475GivingGirl on April 29, 2012 at 6:37 am


    Yes, sometimes texts are taken out of context. I’ve experienced it many times. Not understanding if a statement or a question, or when they are being humorous, but I feel it’s a dig. I feel bad when that happens. Maybe a phone call would make you feel better?

  476.  #476Radlove on April 29, 2012 at 6:57 am

    {{{Healing Waterfall}}},

    RE: #362 – I grew up feeling emotionally neglected, too. I really enjoy your posts, and I appreciate it when you respond to my posts.

    I think it is unfortunate that we can’t click to “Like” here, like you can on facebook. Because there are hundreds of posts I read that I never comment on, only because it’s just not practical in terms of time and energy. And I feel sure that is true of all of us.

    I especially like your name, and I have long identified with a waterfall. I am a water fanatic to begin with, and I love the image of a waterfall.

    Hugs! Radlove

  477.  #477Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Thank you Aurora and GivingGirl,

    Yes I thought at first that he was joking and it didn’t feel like a good joke to me. But now that I texted him yesterday in early afternoon and haven’t heard back anything, do I need to call??

  478.  #478Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 7:02 am

    Giving Girl

    yes I agree…and I experienced it this past week…..oh it just brought up yuk….that couldn’t really be resolved well until my sweety and I saw each other in person…….

    Memulo….I found that just holding on….not giving into NVs and breathing through the tension and staying open and aware was oh so helpful….even though i didn’t know the outcome….

    ~~~~****~~~~good vibes to you..

  479.  #479Radlove on April 29, 2012 at 7:02 am

    I had a rough night. I was more upset than usual (LOL) and I slept all night with the volume on the TV on, which I don’t usually do. It makes for a horrible night’s sleep.

    So no more of that! On the positive side, I have a litter of kittens that are 3 weeks old. They live on my bed, and it is so precious to wake up and find them cuddling with me or crawling on me! They get so tame by raising them this way!

    It so helps me to write. I just write and write and it seems there are never enough words to fully express the world inside me. I just wish it were easier to find healing. I think if I had someone to cuddle with again like I did R in 2009, I would just cry and cry a waterfall and it would bring healing so much faster.

    I just need to be held so badly. Nonsexual cuddling would be so healing to my little girl. But there is no one with whom to do that. It is just too weird in most relationships. It is why I wish I had that unlimited relationship of marriage.

  480.  #480Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 7:05 am

    and if you’re feeling clear…..and have something to say that’s open and warm…….and can hold back rationalizing and blamey stuff (hard to do sometimes)…and it feels right to call or leave a gentle message…..then sure, why not. (I don’t find the “lean back, don’t call, don’t respond strategy always feels the best…especially if I have something kind and open to say that could help resolve something….. I just need to keep my NVs in check and stay open to do it)…

    hoping this works out for you…….and that you can have a new experience…..


  481.  #481Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 7:05 am

    The way I feel about him not being so eager to visit is that if in one month me being away we can’t pick a couple of days to get together then I don’t feel that I am a priority and that makes me feel sad. Not to mention that it is not a pleasant situation for me and I would have appreciated his support, especially since I expressed several times already that I’d like for him to visit.

  482.  #482Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Aurora, thank you, but on the other hand he knows that I regret he can only start planning for the next weekend? So he knows I am not happy? and doesn’t do anything to fix.

    What do you think?

  483.  #483Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 7:08 am

    478 Radlove

    visualizing that cuddler…..imagining him in your mind in every detail…..can be so healing……imagining the masculine man inside of you taking care of your girl……can be so good….and I find total self care also helps…..warm baths….so the water holds me….basking in the sun on the ground so the earth, sky and sun hold me too….very comforting…..,and good food…..nurturing me from the inside….very self loving…..wonder if any of that resonates with you too?


  484.  #484siren song on April 29, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Woke up thinking about guy who is mad at me. I feel sad that in the end he was not willing to step up. I miss him today. I haven’t felt so lonely in a long time. I love my feelings.

    He is a beautiful man and i am afraid i will never be as attracted to anyone the way i was to him. I am afraid that i will never find someone i feel good about who wants to take it to forever.

    Why do i feel so bummed out this weekend?

  485.  #485Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 7:09 am

    Memulo….meaning he is not available this weekend and you have to wait?

  486.  #486Radlove on April 29, 2012 at 7:12 am

    A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, walking in the door, he found …an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel… She looked up at him, smiled and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, ‘You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world do I do all day?…
    ”Yes,” was his incredulous reply..
    She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.’

  487.  #487Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 7:14 am

    485… love it!

  488.  #488Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 7:16 am

    Aurora, yes, he did not plan to come and see me this weekend on the whole week (his job allows him to take time off even in the middle of the week, he doesn’t have to wait till weekend).

    While he was sick and called me every night at some point he said ‘if I get better before you can come back I will come to see you’. I acted all so happy and surprised and told him how happy and great it would make me feel to see him. But he is back to normal and only said ok next weekend when I pushed. So perhaps my ‘feeling of regret’ is just so subtle and can easily be neglected.

    On the other hand I feel mad to call him on top of my text and disappointment over the phone.

  489.  #489Radlove on April 29, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Aurora Girl,

    Re: #482 – Thank you, yes it resonates with me. I don’t like to sound like the negative complainer, but how I really feel is that I’ve been doing visualizations like that all my adult life. After so many decades, it just feels empty, and my craving for relationship remains.

    I continue to do those things, and they help me cope. What helps most is pets, because they are real and live and I feel an emotional connection with them.

    But what is unhealthy in my life is the extent to which food is love. It is beyond nurture. I eat because it is one of the few things in my life that is readily available and feels good. I know it is self sabotaging yet I feel out of control with eating. This food bank thing has been going on for 6 months off and on and I so appreciate food banks. But it is really messing me up to not be able to choose what food I bring into the house. I really hope I get a job soon so I can have a predictable income and predictable choice of food.

  490.  #490Brandylion on April 29, 2012 at 7:19 am

    I feel sad and scared. I feel afraid to open myself up to someone new. The last time I did that, I fell in love and he didn’t, and then he dumped me because he was unhappy.

    I feel blah about all of the guys contacting me. One of them called yesterday, and I’m just not interested in him at all. I knew that before I gave him my number, but I thought I needed to practice a couple of those Es so I did it anyway. All of the others have poofed or seem happy to carry on an email exchange. The new ones that have asked me a question in the last two or three days don’t really appeal to me either. I feel bored.

    Is this the way online dating works? That you have long email exchanges, most of which never actually result in phones calls or meetings? At what point do I just send them a message out of the blue telling them I feel bored with email? How do the rest of you get guys to actually call you and then take you out?

  491.  #491Radlove on April 29, 2012 at 7:22 am

    I don’t like to say it, but I feel relieved I didn’t bring my Mom home permanently. I feel glad i tried, because it finally got the notion out of my head. My therapist from 2008 was right – it would have been emotional suicide.

    It has been about 2 weeks I think, since I took her back to the nursing home. And even now, I am still recovering from the emotional setback. I am still hearing her voice in my head, that I worked so hard to get out of my head, criticizing me about every little detail of my life.

    I have been seriously struggling with discouragement ever since she left. That feeling I grew up with of being a horrible person has tried to come flooding back. I am not trying to put down my Mom – she has her own issues that led her to be this way. But its effect on me really is bad for me.

    I am just glad to have my house back to myself.

  492.  #492Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 7:23 am

    I think you are wise to be in touch with your anger and to then not call if you are still angry. I think it would make things worth.

    Do you recall Rori talking about taking the laser pointer off the man, loosening expectations and focusing on our own self care…….letting him take the lead regarding when he can and cannot do and loosening our logical “wanting to line things up and plan” side…

    And do you recall Daria’s comment above about her just being open to what men can share and want to contribute to our lives and valuing that?

    It sounds like there may be some things that your guy has to attend to , at no fault of your own….which could mean he has a full and responsible life….

    I know for me if I look at what “isn’t” and only look at the gap between what i expect and what shows up I always get disappointed..

    When I focus on the gifts, the sharing…..let go of expectation and be ‘”surprised” as Rori says…….accept what comes I feel better.

    When I leave my care and comforting to myself….mostly…when I take responsibility for my feelings and looking after myself and filling my schedule with things I like and being my own best care taker I feel loved and self confident…..and everyone else is off the hook……


  493.  #493GivingGirl on April 29, 2012 at 7:32 am


    I feel unclear and a little confused regarding the communication. I feel when you said, “only next weekend.” He didn’t understand if you were asking, only next weekend? as if you wanted more, or if you were telling him only next weekend and there wouldn’t be more. I’m wondering if when you said about feeling regret, if he took it as only next weekend and no more because you are feeling regretful about his visit.

    I feel there’s a lot of miscommunication. I know the last post talked about not explaining, but sometimes, I feel the air needs to be cleared when there are misunderstandings. I feel a phone call may be a good thing for you.

  494.  #494GivingGirl on April 29, 2012 at 7:34 am

    (((Siren song)))

  495.  #495GivingGirl on April 29, 2012 at 7:43 am


    Aurora’s comment has a lot of good points.

  496.  #496Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Aurora, GivingGirl,

    Thank you.. I don’t know, perhaps I will explain if I hear from him? Also, he is smart and he knows me and I never gave him ultimatums in the past, what are the odds I am ‘ordering’ for him to visit ‘only next weekend’? Just thinking outloud – why would I feel regretful about his visit if he knows I want him to come? And why not to respond to my text with good news that my case is moving along?

    I don’t know, if there is still a misunderstanding, can’t he call and find out what’s going on?

  497.  #497GivingGirl on April 29, 2012 at 7:54 am


    I’m curious, why are you using “regretful” instead of “disappointed”? To me, regretful means you wish to take it back.

    “Only next weekend” without a ? seems more like a statement.

    Its’ all in the way he perceived what you wrote. In texts, there is no tone or facial expression and lots of times things are taken incorrectly.

    I’ve done it too. I don’t remember what BoatGuy said to me this one time, but I took complete offense and couldn’t believe he said it to me and I replied, “why don’t you just turn that dagger in my back a little more?” He replied, “there is no dagger.” After our miscommunication was over, I reread what he wrote and realized I took it the wrong way. He was trying to lighten the mood, but because of how I was feeling, I thought he was being mean and insulting to me. He wasn’t. I overreacted. When I realized this, I apologized.

    He’s not a mean and insulting guy. Even though I knew that, at the time that is how I felt.

  498.  #498Turquoise on April 29, 2012 at 9:04 am

    Memulo, is English your first language? Sometimes it feels like that could be the barrier here.

  499.  #499Aurora Girl on April 29, 2012 at 9:04 am

    “can’t he call and find out what’s going on?”

    of course he can……but this is only one of many possibilities……


  500.  #500Jan on April 29, 2012 at 9:17 am

    OK. I have spent the last week living minute to minute to not lean forward with my man of interest. (He is the guy that was my ex from the past…we got together…then he pulled back. All of this long distance) You guys have been so much help with this excruciating learning curve!

    I have a question about facebook. This guy is my facebook friend, and when he told me he was “too stressed” to plan another visit together but that everything else was still the same, I kept him on there. It feels to me like he wants to keep me around as a “friend” in case things work out for us at a later date. I have been reading all of the stuff on this website saying that is bad bad bad..and to be truthful it feels yucky to me. So in all this leaning back, do I leave him as a friend on my facebook account? It feels like if I do, then I am waiting…and if I don’t that I am leaning forward trying to get a response. I am so confused! I feel hurt, and lonely, and like I just want to reach out to him. I miss his friendship, and yet I know that is not enough for me…I will always be wanting more. I have loved this man since I was 16 and I am now 40, newly divorced, and all messed up.

    Did I mention that I am confused?
    Any advice, guys?

  501.  #501Turquoise on April 29, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I am sorry that you are hurting. It’s hard to be alone. You remind me so much of my sister. It wasn’t until she found a good job, let go mentally of her ex husband (he’s an addict) lost some weight and made the choice to really focus on moving forward, that she met someone, she is no longer lonely. The relationship isn’t perfect, but they are both trying.
    I truly believe that good things happen when we get to where we want to be.

    You know how much I wanted things to work out with C, but he doesn’t, at least not now. So i’m letting that go and really trying with my CD’s. I don’t want to be alone either.

    But I have focused mostly one. The move was a fresh start for me. I’m improving my finances, relationships and am believing in myself. If I am happy with me, I can be happy with someone else.

    I hope you find a job soon. I believe that will make a world of difference for you.

  502.  #502Starla on April 29, 2012 at 9:34 am

    siren song 483
    I know EXACTLY what you mean.

    I’m sure you’d say that’s ridiculous for me to feel that way. That I’m an interesting, fun siren, and there will definitely be even better guys for me. So I’ll say the same for you:).

  503.  #503Starla on April 29, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Jan, my experience with FB might be different, because I have 400 some friends and got my start on there for business reasons, but I don’t think being friends on facebook means anything, unless that person is truly toxic. One of my exes unfriended me out of spite one day, so when he came back to ask me if I’d re-friend him, I said no, because I don’t want to be jerked around like that.

    Otherwise, you can block him from showing up in your news feed. I think it’s called “unsubscribing” in current FB lingo. And don’t click on his name.

  504.  #504Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 10:01 am

    GivingGirl, Turquoise,

    English is not my first language. I said ‘regret’ maybe because ‘disappointment’ felt like a stronger accusation?. I definitely did not mean it as ‘taking it back’.

    He often texts me without any punctuation.. which I don’t like, but I was feeling hurt so I did the same with ‘only next weekend’, couldn’t even imagine it may cause a misunderstanding.

    Doesn’t Rori say not to lean fwd to explain anything? I am feeling confused now. He may be silent because he is busy or because I pushed him away.. I don’t know. Though why would HE be pushed away if he knows I am waiting for him and he is not giving me what I want?

  505.  #505TNT siren on April 29, 2012 at 10:12 am

    I feel simply amazing today. I learned so much about myself the past week. I was seeing a gentleman who has a very sarcastic humor. He was sweet and kind and shooting me arrows all the time. I heard and felt good with his humor until it was used on me. I froze. He felt it. He immediately said he was sorry and wanted to hug me. I backed away and said “wow! I feel offended.” We continued the conversation and I felt great. I hugged back. This was huge move for me. I was one who would not say how I felt about things. A week later he called me and said we are not compatible. I felt relieved and good with that. I felt relieved because I did not do the running I used to do. I just lived the moment and felt pride in myself. I felt good with it because I learned so much from him. Keeping my sunshine flowing…..the light and warmth illuminating from me.

  506.  #506Luzydel on April 29, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Practicing being a rock-star; I have leaned forward a couple of times with a few men, to see. No difference in their behavior…

    I guess…

    leaning forward with expectations = not good
    Leaning forward with no attachment of an outcome = rock-star!

  507.  #507Radlove on April 29, 2012 at 10:23 am


    RE: #501 – Thank you. Yes, I hope I get a job soon too. I’ve been applying left and right.

    About R, I guess I’m not ready to move on. I still believe in my heart that he is my Soul Mate, and I don’t see that belief changing any time soon. He has issues, and so do I. But his good qualities are astounding to me, and no other man I’ve met has come close.

    I’m just trying to get in the mindset of being an eagle, flying alone. I don’t have many in person friends, and I am working on that. That will help too.

    I like connecting here on the blog, but in some ways, I’m perpetuating a lifelong pattern of connecting to people long distance, with whom it is impossible to get close, to stay at a safe distance.

    I am playing with the idea of starting at a new church that is close to my home. My current church is an hour each way since I moved in November, which means each time I go it’s $20 in gas. It’s an issue.

    I am trying to feed myself positive thoughts. I am not sure if people like me, and I think maybe they don’t.

  508.  #508Starla on April 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Oh my goodness, I think I found the PERFECT car for me. It has fancy woodgrain and leather interior and looks great! I can feel it that this is the the kind of car I should be getting. One that feels beautiful and tidy and sparkly… I want to feel magical and abundant when I’m going to the grocery store.

  509.  #509Luzydel on April 29, 2012 at 10:56 am

    What if a woman drops the idea of commitment and marriage, that there is no resistance to just meeting men and being surprised?

    I am Cding, but I don’t have marriage or commitment in mind, heck I am not even expecting to be contacted again (though some do contact me again). I am just letting love happen. It is sort of like I am dating myself in a way, It feels so relaxing and I know I will be happy no matter what.

    Yesterday “parkguy” hinted that he really want to be intimate with me, but that he is a gentleman and that he wont push it. Then he started saying he has not time, and that he wants to “make it happen”, because he knows that there will be weekends he may not see me; all I said, a day has 24 hrs, there is always time. Then he said I am leaving the ball in your court…I didn’t respond to that… Just because he i a man, that does not entitle him to my vagina, I will have sex when I feel like it, no pressure welcome.

  510.  #510Memulo on April 29, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I feel really torn apart. Should I call him? did I push him away? is it nothing, he is just busy and I need to wait for him to contact me?