Are You Accidentally Adding Ingredients For One Result – When What You Really Want Is Another Result?

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The Question:

“Rori, the man I am currently exclusive with did end up reaching out this morning. I sent him a happy feeling message about having breakfast w a friend. We chatted a bit about what we had going on for the day, and that was that.

After the fight I know I have some concerns and boundaries and I would like help navigating that conversation. I dont know when the opportunity will arise but its not something I want to sweep under the rug. Sad…

The Answer – From Coach Beth Ellen

Hi “Sad”…, it feels awful seeing that you’re hearing how wrong he thinks you are and for so long at a time. I’m sending you hugs.

I want you to know that no one is perfect, and that you are not doing anything wrong.

You may be applying ingredients for one result, even though you desire a different one…

…if I make a fruit salad, I won’t add carrots and onions.

So, there may be a few tweaks you can make to feel better:

Based off what you wrote, it seems that you’re both trying to communicate with each other.

Maybe you can begin from the “here and now”.

He reached out and you told him it feels good to hear from him… you sent a picture… now maybe leave it there and see what he does.

In the meantime, practice sharing more feeling messages… not to get him to do anything in particular though.

Focus on your day and how you feel.

Do things that contribute to you feeling better (not focusing on what went wrong between the two of you).

When you hear from him and he asks what you’re doing or how you are, you can reply with a feeling message about your day…

Find something that feels good about today or yesterday, and share about it when you next hear from him.

From Rori:

If the concept and Tool of Feeling Messages is new to you, just go to the “Search” field at the top right of the website, and put in Feeling Messages – you’ll get a whole bunch of articles to read through!

Also, be sure to download the Jane And Jim free guide from  – it’s literally a complete short course in how to turn around a relationship, and how Feeling Messages work.

Love, Rori

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