Are You Addicted To Love?

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love adviceHere’s a guest post from Orna and Matthew Walters – my amazing, lovely, fabulous interview for April in my Interviews With Relationship Experts series:

This week’s question comes from Sharrie:

“Hi there! Love your weekly notes! How about addressing love addiction? Very little is written or researched on this topic.”

Dear Sharrie,

Thanks for asking about love addiction. We feel that this statement in itself is an oxymoron – these two words just do not go together.

The LOVE we speak of and support people in creating cannot be connected to “Addiction” – there’s no room for it.

There certainly are many ways to avoid feeling our feelings and addiction is a way for a person to avoid feeling negative emotions.

Whether we’re talking about sex addiction or so-called love-addiction… this is all a faulty program for coping.

When we have sex, particularly when we orgasm, there are an enormous amount of “feel-good” chemicals that flood our entire system. It’s a rush that is very similar to the rush from many drugs and it is possible for a person to become addicted to this rush.

As with any addiction issue, a new way of dealing and coping with life must be created in order to live a balanced and harmonious life.

The help of a professional is very important so that one does not give up one addiction for another.

All of our behavior has positive intent – meaning that we all want to receive love, approval, and acceptance, as community and connection are our soul-based desires.

HOW we go about attempting to receive these feelings can become dysfunctional at a very young age, setting the stage for lifelong problems.

It is possible to exercise our free will and change these programs, just remember that a person does not stumble into them, this transformation requires dedication and commitment.

Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew

From Rori:

To get to Orna and Matthew, get their free “Love Notes” and get the incredible help they offer all over their site – much of it for free – – just go to creatingloveonpurpose—>>>

Be SURE to absolutely watch their video when you get to the page – watch how they listen to each other, how attentive Matthew is, how still and simple and just THERE with him Orna is (you don’t see her wheels turning while she’s waiting to speak – she’s truly hearing him).

It’s as though they’re so in tune, really attentive, that they just know with “signals” when to listen and when to speak.

It’s all kind of effortless and, I think, magical. This is what you want to copy! And this is what they teach and talk about.

(You’ll see my testimonial and love letter to them on the page, and know this – I hardly EVER do that for anyone, friends or not. I really believe these two walk their talk.)

Having them in the same room during the interview – I could SEE how this works.

Not only do they have this amazing connection and real intimacy, rawness, truthfulness and attention with each other – there’s absolutely NO tension. The amazing thing about that, for me – is that they WORK together.

They live together, they work HARD together creating programs and doing interviews and running their business and coaching TOGETHER – and so they’re CONTINUALLY working things out – and what they’re doing with all this is creating DEEPER intimacy.

I watched them NOT shut down, NOT compete, NOT raise their hands or pushing against each other.ย  What I saw and felt was a true, organic TEAM.ย  You’ll love this interview, and Orna and Matthew…

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 6:55 am

    Maybe I am

  2.  #2Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 6:56 am

    “What I saw and felt was a true, organic TEAM”.

  3.  #3Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Happy birthday in advance FW!! Yes we’ll celebrats. I’ll have a sip of champagnr and think of your birthday while celebratin my new life. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4.  #4Starla on April 2, 2012 at 8:49 am

    aaauuuuggghhh, CF is emailing me saying he wants to make it work but he can’t “chase” me.

    well then, commit;)


    it feels terrible getting a long email like this at the beginning of my work day. i’m going to ignore this one until i have some real free time.

  5.  #5Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 8:50 am

    (((((((( Starla )))))))

    “retard” lol


  6.  #6Silver Moonbeam on April 2, 2012 at 8:54 am

    “There certainly are many ways to avoid feeling our feelings and addiction is a way for a person to avoid feeling negative emotions.”


  7.  #7Starla on April 2, 2012 at 8:59 am

    ugh i feel ill again

    i’m so tired of talking about this.

    what do you mean you’re not into the “chase me rule”? so you don’t want to chase me, you don’t want me to pressure you to see me more, you don’t want me to date other men……

    grow up, dude. this is how it works. you can take all the time you need to decide if you want to REALLY be with me and if you are able to give me the relationship i need (3 days a week), but no, you can’t expect me to chase after you. i told you how much i wanted you and how into you i am, and you backed away as a result. and now you want me to chase you? basically you’re asking me to put my self esteem on the chopping block.

    grow up.

    i feel FURIOUS.

    leave me alone with this drama at the beginning of my day.

  8.  #8lk on April 2, 2012 at 9:09 am


  9.  #9Brenda on April 2, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Although abuse is hurtful, it is the abuser who has issues. So abuse is not personal. I want to win them over, not win over them.

  10.  #10lk on April 2, 2012 at 9:17 am

    i’m about to lose my shxt too… i feel really sad & helpless.

    yet, i know things change so fast

  11.  #11Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 9:20 am

    ๐Ÿ™ So much sadness here today… I feel bad for feeling good… Don’t know if I should share my happiness…

    ((((( lk )))))

  12.  #12Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 9:25 am


    Thank you for asking. I am not sure what you mean in ‘what changed with your guy’ but the change I feel almost sick about is that I have not heard from him this weekend. We parted on Friday morning, he hugged me tight, said ‘I will see you soon, have a nice day!’ and this was it. I feel bad because he normally contacted me daily, maybe would skip one day but rarely, this time it’s 2 days so far.

    I don’t know what to think, I think the worst and feel strong inside and ready to take the worst.

  13.  #13Starla on April 2, 2012 at 9:31 am

    i’m going to post his email, because i am at a total loss here.

  14.  #14Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 9:32 am

    I love April babies ๐Ÿ˜‰

    My son is an April baby!!!!

  15.  #15Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 9:33 am


    Can’t wait! Btw I love your vibe today girl ๐Ÿ˜‰

  16.  #16Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 9:35 am


    Go ahead, share your good news!! We feel happy for you plus it’s a great reminder that sometimes you get a zebra pattern in your life and have to jump on a black stripe before you hit the white one ๐Ÿ˜‰ Share and make us smile!

  17.  #17Starla on April 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Dear Universe, please forgive me for posting this man’s letter. All traces of identity have been removed to protect the parties involved.

    Also, universe, give me some peace of mind even if it’s not from him, because i’m tired of feeling ill and i am not sleeping at all at night:(
    Hey there…

    So I’ve been putting thoughts to words, and–assuming I transfer them over from my written notes to this e-mail correctly–I’m ready to explain how I’m feeling about everything… but first, lemme apologize again for my squirrely, emotional nature on the phone Saturday; I wasn’t quite ready to talk about anything yet, and I shoulda just said that, but… I didn’t.

    So… I’m not used to taking the lead. In fact, this relationship dynamic that you’re requesting of me (the whole thing, not just the seeing you more part) is something I’ve never tried before, and it’s been a struggle, especially given my normally antisocial, isolationist nature. Still, you’re freakin’ awesome, so I felt that it would be in my best interests to give it a shot and see what happens–so I’ve been “chasing you,” as you call it, since we began dating. Still, taking the lead isn’t what I’m used to, and it’s been difficult for me to wrap my head around fully. Thing is, when I’m not doing something right, you’re quick to remind me–and no matter how politely you put it, I still get all butt-hurt when you call me out on not doing this “chasing” thing correctly.

    What’s really compounding my feelings, however, is that the “chasing the girl” relationship dynamic isn’t just something I’m not used to–it’s really not ultimately what I want in a relationship. I’m looking for a two-way relationship, something where we chase each other. I’m more than happy to do a good percentage of the chasing, of course, but when I hear things like you not wanting (or having) to chase me at all, or that it doesn’t feel good to chase me… well, it doesn’t feel right to hear that, or to continue on with that dynamic. I figured that if I chased you for awhile, the scales would balance out a bit and we’d work towards the ideal “50/50” dynamic that I’ve been looking for. I think one of my greatest errors was being too afraid to state that before; I’ve also been running on the faith that we’ll get to that point if I’m patient and play by your rules for awhile. My other great error was moving away from Denver; I figured I’d just have to put more in to keep it going, but with the relationship dynamic still in the “I need to chase you” phase, I set myself up to fail–I can’t do 100% of the chasing over this great of a distance. That’s something I didn’t think ahead about, and I’m sorry for that.

    Starla, you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met in my life, a record that may well stand till the end of my days. And I want nothing more than to make to feel that way, to let you know how amazing you are. But I’ve decided that I don’t like the “I chase you” rule, as it just doesn’t feel right to me this far into a relationship… but if that’s what you want, I can’t fault you for it. I just needed to let you know that it’s not what I want out of a relationship…

    I’d like to find some middle ground, some understanding, that could make this work… but first I had to get this out in the open. Trying to make it work by your rules, when I didn’t agree with the rules in the first place, simply wasn’t a healthy route for me mentally… I was internalizing emotion to the point of explosion, and it’s something I can control, so long as I’m up front about how I feel.

    I hope I haven’t ruined everything here… but I do know that not talking to you, avoiding the problem, was a much more surefire way to ruin everything. I prefer my chances with this e-mail ๐Ÿ™‚

    You’re wonderful, {Pet name}… no matter what, remember that ๐Ÿ˜€

    Um… I guess let me know what you think…?

  18.  #18Starla on April 2, 2012 at 9:42 am

    i’m not looking for a ‘chasing’ based relationship either, but we’re not even in a freaking relationship! we see each other once a week! are you out of your freaking mind????????????????

    he can’t honestly believe this sh*t he’s saying?

  19.  #19lk on April 2, 2012 at 9:48 am

    i want to write CD a long email. but i probably won’t.

    first of all, i felt blessed that we moved all my stuff & cleaned/organized/decorated the main rooms with almost NO drama – like…. that’s great, i think. i have drama with MYSELF organizing like that normally ! anyway, so i was so excited about our good communication….

    so after dinner… i said (don’t know why i started this… just found it on my mind), ” we really need to get the kitchen thing figured out… like… it seems like i feel criticized a lot & you feel like i’m silencing your opinions…. & i don’t want either of us to feel that way”

    well, let me point out that both cd & i are stubborn, ocd freaks who know just how we want things done. however, he’s older than i & has more experience, so usually i’d say he can contribute to my strategies…. & we have similar aesthetics & standards for “neat-ness” lol…..

    well, what in the wide world do you think he said to me ? at first he started all friendly-sounding, “ha ha how cr8zy do you think i am compared to you ? ” so i said lol baby, maybe a 5 or 6, what do you think?

    & he got all randomly serious & was like, ” i’m afraid to answer that question because i’m afraid it will affect your mood ” UM WHAT ?! that is honestly so rude i think ! it implies a) that i’m cr8zy & b) that i’m too weak to handle someone telling me that (even in a joking way). i feel honestly totally pxssed. & THEN — i started trying to talk to him, but i was basically “down for the count” – i just felt sad & kicked, so i couldn’t really really communicate. finally, i got some toe-hold on reality long enough to basically shout, “i have no idea why you’re acting like this is somehow my problem when everyone in your life, from you best friend to your sister to your mom, constantly joke about you being “xnal” & “stubborn” — UM HELLO !?! it is SO unlikely that i have invented this whole problem myself.

    then he was just like, “you’re right. this is my business. this is what my ex & i used to fight about all the time” UMMMMMM i also do NOT want to hear about his ex while we are discussing OUR relationship.

    1) i want the kitchen problem solved
    2) i want him to apologize for the “cr8zy” comment & how it was so “gotcha” & there was no way for me to take it in a good way.

    anyway. there was lots of love & cuddles later… but i just felt SO disappointed because we worked so hard all weekend & it looks so nice & feels so nice & we didn’t get to have a “perfect” first night in our bedroom all decorated. FEEL SO SAD : ((((( poor girl (((lk)))

    & i did have a nice morning this morning…. until i got to work. project (super-delayed already) is further super-delayed & i am just going to feel so dumb telling my boss about it (even though it is due to his own “idea” )

    & i still feel mad. & scared ! like…. well, baby…. how are you going to call me cr8zy & tell me you don’t feel safe to have honest communication…….. & then act all “i told you so” when that comment hurts my feelings ! ?! ?!

  20.  #20lk on April 2, 2012 at 9:52 am

    you’re awesome, Lizka !!!!!! Keep posting ! I seriously just keep thinking of YOU when i’m feeling frustrated : )))))))) & i get all smiley & excited : )))

  21.  #21Starla on April 2, 2012 at 9:56 am


  22.  #22Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 10:01 am

    So I bought a mini bottle of champagne and 6 macarons and I am enjoying my vacation and my new life (and my 2 weeks of Challenge!!) in the sun of my terrasse!

    I posted a video on Siren Island for those who are on the FB group. xoxo

  23.  #23Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Wow lk, of me? Seriously? I feel surprised and touched. ๐Ÿ™‚ that feels really warm.

  24.  #24lk on April 2, 2012 at 10:05 am


    “I figured that if I chased you for awhile, the scales would balance out a bit and weโ€™d work towards the ideal โ€œ50/50โ€ณ dynamic that Iโ€™ve been looking for.”

    this comment really triggers me. i feel excited to share this with you actually.

    i don’t want a relationship that is “50/50” – because then there is counting & every percentage point has to be accounted for… if someone only does 43%, then you only have 93% of a relationship left – & that’s assuming the other person is doing their math right !!!! cr8zy-ness !

    well, i want a relationship that is “100/100” where both people give 100%. both people say, yes, i want this relationship 100%. i’m investing all my Relationship-“dollars” in This Relationship – in Our Relationship.

    i do my best. i show up. i stand up. i open my heart up. i love you. 100%

    you do your best. you invite me along your path. you sweeten me. you listen & share with me. you love me. 100%

    wow…. the other stuff gets me too….

    Starla, he’s feeling sick too. & really sad. & i don’t think he’s saying he wants to “end” it with you either. i think the opposite.

  25.  #25Starla on April 2, 2012 at 10:11 am

    i’m probably not going to answer this email for a few days and hopefully it doesn’t eff things up even more but i can’t handle any more of this “i only halfway want you” feeling stuff all the time these days. i only got 1 or 2 days a week before of the good stuff…i don’t want to be giving/getting 5 days a week of the bad stuff now.

  26.  #26lk on April 2, 2012 at 10:14 am

    best worst day ever ?

    this project delay is now sending me on an ~2hr journey out of the office in my new car with my ipod to listen to : ))) thank the good lord lol

  27.  #27Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 10:25 am

    Wow news go faster than expected… I quit my job 4 hours ago and ATW already texted me!

    He wrote “Big move beautiful” …

    Will wait a few minutes before answering!

  28.  #28Starla on April 2, 2012 at 10:25 am

    best worst day ever for me too — i can take a half vacation day cuz ain’t sh*t goin on here:)

    and go home and rest and maybe sm0ke and go see my best friend and go to ikea and buy furniture:)

  29.  #29Silver Moonbeam on April 2, 2012 at 10:32 am

    #25 Starla

    The vibe I am getting from CF’s letter is that he is not used to doing the chasing as women of today are much more forward and chase the men because that’s what we all learnt from the womens liberation movement, we are your equal we can do anything as well as men, the same jobs, handyman skills, anything you can do we can do better, even chase after you, ask you out on dates, ask for your phone numbers in bars, etc.

    I see it all on the time on the POF forums, men are so USED to women doing the running.

    You are probably the first female in his life who has leaned back and he is confused………………maybe CF is in the soup right now.

  30.  #30lk on April 2, 2012 at 10:32 am

    i keep feeling all this angry “punishing” energy come up inside me & it’s making me feel really bad & poisonous

    i suppose i could forgive him, no strings attached.

    but i value even my sad feelings enough that i will not abandon them.

  31.  #31Starla on April 2, 2012 at 10:45 am

    he really didn’t seem to mind the “chasing”. he called me every day and made all the plans. he also did all of the cancelling and flip flopping. lol.

    it wasn’t until i tried my hand at chasing that he started freaking out, so i said hey this feels like chasing and i want to take the pressure off.

    i feel so confused.

    it’s just a huge mixed message, it seems

  32.  #32Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 10:46 am

    Ahhh I am feeling the urge to propose to ATW to come celebrate with me. Noooooo!!!

    We exchanged a few messages, I was all into FMs (I feel released, I feel festive, I feel confident). I so want to ask him “so when are we doing something?” or “let me know if you want to celebrate the new beginning with me” but I know it would be leaning forward big time and totally anti-challenge.

    Can I say “I have to go now, but I feel impatient to see you” ? or “to celebrate with you” ?

    Is that leaning forward? It’s being authentic for sure, but is it leaning forward?

  33.  #33Starla on April 2, 2012 at 10:47 am


  34.  #34Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 10:50 am


    To me it sounds like a good sincere email. I would ask him what part of ‘chasing’ makes him feel uncomfortable, I’d ask him to explain what he means.

  35.  #35Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 10:51 am

    No? Saying “I feel impatient to see you” is leaning forward?

    Ok I won’t do it. I feel strong enough to stop here. ๐Ÿ™‚

  36.  #36Starla on April 2, 2012 at 10:51 am

    you are doing so good on your challenge

    and you’re in a transition period now, between two jobs (MAJOR!), and even though it’s a positive thing, it opens up this huge vulnerable void that we want to fill with leaning forward.

    don’t do it, girl! don’t mention anything about wanting to see him. only if he says he wants to see you, then you say that would feel nice.

  37.  #37Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Maybe I could say just “I feel impatient to celebrate”, and removed the “with you” part? And see what he says… or is that trying to control the outcome? I don’t know?

    Or I stay here and stop moving? I can do anything you know, I am a very strong siren now. ๐Ÿ™‚

  38.  #38Starla on April 2, 2012 at 10:55 am

    yes it is leaning forward!!!!

  39.  #39Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Ok so I will not answer than ๐Ÿ™‚

  40.  #40Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Oh wow Starla, that email…… hmph! Maybe he is a feminine energy type of guy?

  41.  #41Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 11:03 am

    The last messages we exchanged was:

    ATM: Wow enjoy [after I said I was celebrating with champagne and feeling festive] ๐Ÿ™‚ I think you made the good move

    Me: Yes, me too. I feel pretty confident!

    Him: Yeah! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Should I end it here and not reply or just say have a good day or I’m off to celebrate with my friends (which is true!) or something?

  42.  #42Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Lizka I would not respond.

  43.  #43Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 11:08 am

    I’m feeling so confused right now and feeling like changing my boundaries when it comes to sex, cuz somethings just dont feel safe anymore.

  44.  #44Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Congratulations Lizka… and i didnt know there was a FB group. I want to see it.

  45.  #45Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 11:14 am

    Ok no response. That’s it. Next?

  46.  #46Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Starla maybe Rori encourages the word “chasing” in a program I don’t have but I personally don’t like that word and try to avoid using it. I have the image of the picture she uses on some of her articles where the woman is chasing the man. For me the word conjures up an image of someone chasing and the other running away. That to me leaves me feeling uneasy that the person chasing will never be able to catch the other who wants to be caught.

    I can see where CF is coming from and it seems to me like he is trying to negotiate the terms of the relationship. I would tell him I want to deeply surrender into a relationship with a leading man. I believe any man who has the picture of always chasing after his woman will feel tired of the perceived effort he might have to put out. He definitely needs some encouragement to keep moving forward. He might be sensing that everytime he gets close to winning the rules of the game change or the goal posts move. Every man wants to have control of his life and his domain. I don’t know of one who just rolls over to every request of his woman. When the sense they have no choice they pull back and rebalance themselves. I believe this is what CF is seeking to do here. It seems like a power struggle and with men’s ego I am not convinced it is best to try and one up man them in the power struggle. I would want to know what he is going to do to entice me into surrendering so he no longer has to chase. So we can then work on stablity and building.

  47.  #47Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Memulo I still can’t see where the issue is in your case. I would let him be and continue with my life. After 2 months even if he is settling in, I can’t see why he should be contacting you everyday. He had a life before you. Also it is in the thinking that a lot of men fall in love. If you are in front of them all the time then he is likely to tire of you. Remember attraction works differently for men. When they pull away on their own and come back on their own they seem to be intense with the reconnection if we are not demanding anything. Also what you are thinking in the time that he creates the space will spew out when he comes back so it is best to keep it positive. If you are cdating he will feel your vibe and smell that you have been around men and find you more enchanting because you know your worth.

  48.  #48Veronica on April 2, 2012 at 11:26 am

    Hey Rori and ladies!! I wanted to get your opinion/advice on a little situation I have been dealing with.

    So I work with this guy, in a very professional setting. I am 26, he is 31. We have gotten extremely close as friends and both definitely like each other. Nothing has been said about our feelings, but I can just feel it. We hang out a lot with another coworker of ours, but we never flirt too much in front of this coworker, because we don’t want suspicion of anything to be the center of gossip at work. When we are alone, we constantly flirt, but he has not even tried to kiss me yet. He is kind of a passive guy, I can be very hard to read, so I get the feeling he is nervous to initiate anything because he is scared I will reject him, and then things would be weird at work.

    I definitely have a more aggressive personality, and have thought about making the first move, but held back. I feel like he is the guy, and should be the one to initiate something. I was alittle hesitant to even think of getting involved with anyone I work with, because it could become complicated, but after really getting to know this guy, I would be an idiot to pass him up. He is a great guy and the chemistry between us is something I have never had with any other guy I dated.

    I am totally enjoying the flirting – it makes things so much fun, but I am really starting to like this guy. Am I doing the right thing by letting it naturally take its course? Or am I not being proactive enough?? What do you girls think?

  49.  #49Daria on April 2, 2012 at 11:28 am

    omg the way Orna and Matthew listened to each other felt so peaceful and FULFILLING to watch! I feel inspired!

    I want to do this with my mom! and my dad! and my men!

    and my women friends!!

    I feel elated to have these beautiful inspiring resources in my life!

  50.  #50Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 11:36 am

    So i just told the one CD that i have been having sex with that I no longer want to have sex with anyone im not exclusive with. He responded “oh ok. Understandable”

    I really feel the urge to lean forward and text back and say SOMETHING, but im just not going to do anything. I feel scared that I won’t see him much anymore because of my decision and it makes me want to cry. Should I tell him that?

  51.  #51Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 11:38 am

    I like sex, but thats not even what I feel sad about. I do a pretty good job of pleasing myself. I just feel scared that we won’t be spending any time together, cuz already we barely spend time together. To share that info, or to keep it to myself? HMPH, idk what he’s gonna say but i might jus tell him. wtf, we already dont see each other~

  52.  #52Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Yes Emoticon, we made a FB group called Siren Island where we share pictures and videos. It’s secret so you can’t access it. But do you have any other siren as contact on Facebook? They could invite you to join the group…

  53.  #53Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 11:44 am

    Lizka, thank you, I will ask Starla to invite me ๐Ÿ™‚

  54.  #54Rori Raye on April 2, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Veronica – this “work” thing has pitfalls. You have to be strong enough to withstand it and be civil to him if it doesn’t work out, and it has to be okay with your company. Think Alicia from The Good Wife…
    The way to do it is: Find out if your company has any rules about dating other people at work. Then TALK to this guy: “I noticed we have a lot in common. I asked, and there aren’t any rules about dating people from work. I feel terrified to encourage this because we work together, but I’d be very open to a walk and a cup of tea with you outside this office. Oh my, this feels so embarrassing…I’ll go back to my office now…” Love, Rori

  55.  #55Orna Walters on April 2, 2012 at 11:52 am

    Hello Sirens!

    First off I have to say THANK YOU RORI!! I have tears in my eyes from reading what you shared about Matthew and I from your own perspective… it means so much to me that there are no words to express… my heart is full with love…truly thank you!

    Secondly, I want to share with everyone that YOUR True Soul Partnership will not necessarily look like the one I have with Matthew. We joke that our relationship ought to be stamped, “For Professionals Only – please do not try this at home.” ๐Ÿ˜‰

    We do spend an extraordinary amount of time together and it works for us to live together, be married to each other, AND run a business together – but this arrangement is not for everyone.

    In order to see what your True Soul Partnership looks like you must walk into your blind spot – without a veiled heart from the pain of the past, beyond the programming of how you learned to receive love, and really see the beauty of how your soul desires to connect with your beloved.

    What I can share is HOW to really listen – not just to your man, but to anyone. The KEY is to not be forming your reply, or keeping any kind of dialog in your head as you listen.

    This new way of being requires PRACTICE. Similar to meditation when the brain starts “thinking” and you simply notice and bring it back to the breath… the same is true for listening. When you find that you are forming a reply, or keeping some sort of score, or in dialog with yourself… STOP – and go back to really listening.

    See if you can tune in beyond the words that are being said and take in everything about the person – their physicality, their energy, their emotion. Allow yourself to take them in on every level.

    TRUST that when it is your turn to speak that you will share all that needs to be said. Its not about how you felt last week, yesterday, or 2 minutes ago – share how you feel right NOW – as you speak.

    I’d love to invite you all to join us for the Love On Purpose Revolution 2012! Matthew and I are hosting TWENTY-FIVE top experts in Love, Dating, Sex, Relationship – EVERYTHING that you need to bust the myth that love is supposed to happen by accident!

    Register for FREE today:

    I feel so blessed to do the work that I do in the world and to of Service alongside my beloved, Matthew.

    Love and Abundance,

  56.  #56Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    Emoticon, I’m not sure Starla is a member of the group. If you don’t have anyone else, send me an email at and we can become facebook friends and I will gladly add you!!

  57.  #57Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Thank you Lizka

  58.  #58Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    Yay I am at home

    FW, what is so frustrating about him talking about chasing me as a my rule, is that i never said that. what i said on friday was that if he wasn’t ready to offer me the relationship i need by spending time with me about 3x a week, that i understand and i don’t want to pressure him and he can take all the time i need, but that i’d feel better if he made the plans, because otherwise id just feel like i’m chasing him since we’re not in a committed relationship.

    and he took the semantics of it, spun it around, and is using it “against” me now.

    i never told him to chase me.

    i did tell him i’m old fashioned and like to let the man lead.

  59.  #59lk on April 2, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    ok, i’ll try just saying,

    “baby…. i feel a little shaky……. is now a good time to talk ?………. aww…… i’m just feeling a little “off” & disoriented…. & i don’t want to feel that way around you… our conversation last night made me feel way off-balance & confused & shaken……… i feel afraid hearing you say that you feel afraid to speak openly to me…………. i want open, safe communication in my relationship…….. & i feel really scared hearing maybe that you think i’m “cr8zy” – i do not want my partner to believe that about me………………. i want really deep connection & intimacy & strong understanding of boundaries…… & i don’t want that with someone who doesn’t consider me a wise & responsible person…….”

    the thing is, i really don’t think that fight was “our” fight. i think it was an old fight between Him & His Ex-Girlfriend —- LAME.

  60.  #60lk on April 2, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    actually, i’m pretty positive that he was fighting with her… & just I was in the car. hmmmm….

  61.  #61lk on April 2, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    & actually…. i see how upset he was getting & how he does not want to lose me for the same reasons he feels he lost her. & i can access my empathy for him much more easily….. imagining his fear…. & imagining his fear projected at me as anger for ” bringing up an old fight ”

    wooooooosh that feels way better. i’ll keep working on it : /

  62.  #62Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Oh I am so excited. This has nothing to do with my love life but I am going to apply with this company who organizes bands to perform at hotels since they are looking for female cover singers. I would LOVE to do that. I’m not sure how it would work with school and what not, but I’m feeling so excited and so compelled to apply for it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  63.  #63Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    On the way home I was thinking about how it’s funny, because I’M actually the one who’s done most of the chasing. he just makes the plans.

    I’M the one who chased him when last week he freaked out to melt down point and called him all night to make sure he was okay, even though it forced me to put aside my need to talk about seeing each other more.

    i’m the one who even brought up spending more time together

    i’m the one who initiates every serious conversation, from “where is this going?” to apologizing when i “mess up”… he never brings up anything, not even him being upset about something, i do.

    i feel lonely and misunderstood by him:(

    i wish i could take it all back at this point, because i didn’t think telling him i wanted to see him more would cause me 10 times more pain than the pain of not having him around. i thought he would jump for joy and say omg i am so relieved you want to always see me! but everything happens for a reason…

    and i thought if it were a problem to see me, he’d jump right into problem solving.

    i didn’t even see all this coming.

    he’s still coming at me so defensively, like i’m trying to steal from him when he’s not looking. like i’m not worth anything because HE’S got issues

    and then i’m expected to magically be perfect and sweet and open even when this is all leaving me feeling extremely worthless and rejected in his eyes. and i expect him to magically do the same

    so we’re acting like a bunch of children

  64.  #64Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I know I haven’t been on the blog in forever, but uuuuggg…I just need it today.

    Lately, I’ve been really seeing what an amazing guy SeenmecryCD is. He’s really calm. Humble. Funny. Morally upstanding. and fun.

    So, he went with me to this…religious debate thing. and I completely lost my marbles with anger at something a religious group said. He said my reaction was “touch and go there for a while.”

    I felt so sad and angry and outnumbered and I just lost it. In front of people I don’t know very well at all. From the looks on their faces, it’s like I went from cool girl to psycho in a matter of an hour.

    I could feel myself “losing control” of my emotions. I tried to stay calm, but I felt overwhelmed with anger and sadness. Angry and sad at a system. Not at the people in the system…

    I didn’t notice until two days later, but the night I lost my cool, SeenmecryCD put up that he was in a relationship with another girl.

    I feel so sad and so angry at myself.

    I was definitely allowing myself to feel my emotions, but I think I lost and they won.

    Where do you draw the line between feeling your emotions and controlling your emotions?

  65.  #65Rori Raye on April 2, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Starla – I’m pretty damn fascinated by this.
    If I were coaching you privately, I’d ask you to consider this:

    Feel the anger you’re feeling – but don’t let it take charge here.
    How about:

    “Okay – what would my chasing you 50% look like? I really like you, and I’m ready to take up my share of this.

    Since it’s not what I’m used to, either, though, I’m going to need help to tell the difference between doing my 50% and coming on too strong – are you game for that?

    Can you give me an idea of how you see this, considering we only see each other once a week? How do you see this going? What’s your time frame?

    As my friend, what would you suggest I do during the time when I’m not with you, and how could we see each other more often?”

    In other words – try asking him to solve the problem, instead of telling him what you want him to do – and take his letter as INSTRUCTIONS to follow (should you choose to..)

    You’re Circular Dating anyway – so – how does this feel?

    Love, Rori

  66.  #66Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    @63 Starla – are you still CDing other guys?

  67.  #67Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Ahh Starla, lk, I feel sad for you two… I wish I knew what to tell you. You both were always so helpful with me…

  68.  #68Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    well, hopefully i’m allowed to take some time to go into my cave too.

    i feel like i’m getting crushed under all this drama:(

    i feel rejected, it feels like i’m going to fall over all the time… like i can’t remember to breathe and i feel tense in my chin and lower jaw all the way down through my heart and i feel like i need to cry until my body spontaneously reverses its poles and my organs are suddenly on the outside.

    all of this is feeling so business transaction like with CF. I hate it. That’s what has been pushing me over the edge this whole time. He didn’t come to me with the loving attitude that said “building a relationship that’s good for us.” Instead, the attitude was really business-y and like he was a cocky CEO who only cares about not getting f*cked over and makes it really clear.

  69.  #69Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    Hi Iamabutterfly! Welcome back!!

  70.  #70Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Cultural comment:

    I feel like in the time we live in, the really amazing, good-looking guys have learned that they don’t have to do that much to get their needs and desires fulfilled by the women they want.

    They can do less and expect more, because we have made it that way for them.

    So, when they feel like we expect too much of them, they just move on.

    Meanwhile, we can get any average guy we want, because they don’t have the same mentality as really good-looking, amazing guys.

    Of course, this is just my theory…

  71.  #71Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    RORI! *Thank you* for your response. Your input is essentially the most valuable resource here.

  72.  #72Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    @69 – Thanks, Lizka!

  73.  #73Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    “Feel the anger youโ€™re feeling โ€“ but donโ€™t let it take charge here.”

    This advice fascinates me. How do you keep anger from taking charge?

  74.  #74Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    I am going to have a drink with a guy friend who was telling me his relationships issues the other day. He thinks he is very modern but I told him that women are sirens who are having fun and singing all day on their rocks and men are seamen who would do anything when under the spell of the sirens. Lol. He was like WTF?

    It’s fun to discuss relationships with him and I told him I would tell him more about my new life style. Lol he will think I am out of my mind.

  75.  #75Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Lizka, I emailed you btw.

  76.  #76Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    I’ve been majorly outgirling Jack CD, and am starting to wonder if he IS a girl.

    Not there’s anything wrong with girls…

    I’d just like to BE the girl here, seeing as I am one…

    Meanwhile, MajorlyyoungerthanmeCD has been stepping up. He is wonderful, but the age difference does make me feel a little off balance…

  77.  #77Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Rori, it feels good in a lot of ways. I feel weird, though, because now I actually NEED some chasing to feel like how i was feeling before, which was excitedly waiting for him to talk to me about us being more of a partnership in this way. I feel so rejected… we’ve been fighting for over a week and he’s been all over the map and I feel like I’m flickering out like a dying flame inside of me when I feel rejected from mixed signals. And I just want to let my flame burn big and bright and stay away from going near him with it when it feels like he’s been blowing at my flame. I want him to put wood on my fire. My heart feels really malnourished.

    I’m not sure what to do with all this?

  78.  #78Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    @74 Lizka – this cracked me up. I can totally hear a guy saying that…

  79.  #79Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I told CD abt my fears of not us not seeing each other anymore. He responded ” Nah. lol. U’ll still see me :-)” i said “okay :-)” Now i lean back, may not hear from him for the next couple days, but thats fine I have new book to read lol, and a few other CDs (whom i dont hear from every day either). Surprisingly, I’m okay with not hearing from them everyday. I guess my vibe has changed, because before I would have definitely freaked out and been like “what u been up 2 all day?” but now, as i fall asleep I just say “hmph i ddnt hear from _____ or _____ 2day, oh but i did spend time with _____ and got a phone call from ______” and when i wake up I see a random “hey i kno its late but i was just thinking about u” text from one of those i didnt hear from, and it feels good to know that while I’m asleep, someone out there is up and 3 am thinking about me. I’M ADORED and i like it that way. *continues leaning back* (8 days and counting)

  80.  #80Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    “women are sirens who are having fun and singing all day on their rocks and men are seamen who would do anything when under the spell of the sirens.”

    hahaha ๐Ÿ˜€ i am not sure they know it is a spell Lizka!

  81.  #81Layla on April 2, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    #18 and #68 – Hi Starla, I think his email was actually a good sign. Think about it – he feels safe enough with you to express his feelings and he says several times that he thinks you are awesome. He sounds like a CEO because he’s a guy. When you feel better, re read the email and look for all the positives in it. Rori gave you excellent advice. Also, maybe you are frustrated because maybe you haven’t completely stopped trying to control or lead the dance. Just a thought.
    Again, I think the email is a positive sign on his part. And you don’t have to do anything but invite him to solve the problem and take the lead. It may take awhile, so you better keep CD’ing yourself and others while you wait. Good luck

  82.  #82Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    I probably just need some time, for one. the urgency p*sses me off. Sending me an email first thing when i get to work monday morning p*sses me off.

    then Rori’s advice in 65 should go over pretty well feeling-wise for me.

    And it wouldn’t hurt if he said or did something/anything nice whatsoever in the meantime. i need love:( that was the whole thing that started this.

    but expectations, blah blah blah;) (i know better)

  83.  #83T-Girl on April 2, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    I really enjoyed the previous Love on Purpose Revolution and am excited they are doing it again!

  84.  #84Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Layla 81, hi! thank you for showing up and responding to my situation, girl!!!!

  85.  #85Starla on April 2, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    my beautiful best friend is here so i gotta run!
    be back tonight:)

  86.  #86Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I got a gratitude journal this monring

    Thank you Feminine Woman for the idea (i believe it was you who posted about having one)

    Its brown and red and green and I’m going to write in it as soon as I get home because I have a lot to be thankful for for today specifically and for th epast weekend and for my life in general. I had a HUGE shift this weekend, and i read Rori’s whole ebook again yesterday and felt so much better but a little turned off by a conversation I had with my best friend. She called me to complain about her boyfriend, and how he couldnt eat with a knife and fork and I told her that would not bother me about a man. She said it bothers her because etiquette is important to her and that she finds it embarassing and he would not let her teach him.

    I got tired of trying to explain my point to her and was tired of hearing her complaints. Then when i finally decided to say something again (can’t remember what it was) she said I dont see why I can;t call my best friend to complain about my boyfriend. I said I have no problem hearing your concerns (i seem to be the only single friend who people feel the need to dump their problems on and say it is because I offer “good advice”) i told her but if its not something you absolutely need my help with i do not want to sit on the phone and entertain you talking bad about your boyfriend.

    She developped this “what do u kno? youre single” attitude.

    Hi, I’m single, but I am happy. Do I have ONE major complaint (or one complaint at all) abotu any of my former lovers? NO. Do I have any complaints about any of the men in my life? NO. I’m happy and I enjoy the men in my life and men in general and I dont want to sit on the phone dissing guys, and dissing your boyfriend and just being all negative on a nice weekend like this, or AT ALL.

  87.  #87Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I feel so sad and abandoned by SeenmecryCD and angry at myself for losing control…

    I want to believe that the right guy for me would understand and not be freaked out by my reaction.

    He was agreeing with me in everything I was saying, just not in the way I was saying it…

    But I’m questioning my reaction. WHY did it make me feel so sad and angry?

    I know one reason I was angry.

    They outnumbered us, and didn’t prepare us for that.

    There were no women present, and the women in this religious group NEVER seem to know as much as the men, and that makes me feel extremely irritated.

    I was the only woman there.

    I felt unheard.

    The girl he is in a relationship with is younger and skinnier and shorter and I can almost guarantee that she has never reacted like that about anything and likely never will react like that about anything.

    I doubt she’s ever been deeply in love or had her heart ripped out or over-reacted about anything.

    I even got to meet her once. So short and quiet and skinny and soft.

    Not wobbly and fiery and and passionate and shaky and volumptious and stumbly with words like I am sometimes.

    I know I shouldn’t compare myself with her, but it feels difficult not to.

    It just makes me feel so insecure and crazy.

    You know what, little Llama?

    I love you the way you are. Fiery and volumptious and with deep convictions and with a deep love for people, a love that’s so deep that when you see complete strangers living in a way that you know could be improved that it makes you feel sorrow and anger and you try desperately to reach people even if you look a little crazy doing it because YOU CARE.

    You are love.

    The opposite of apathy.

    The opposite of mediocrity.

    You are a well of emotions and experiences and your heart is so big it can’t even hold everyone it wants to love.

    I forgive you for losing your temper.

    I forgive you for “losing” SeenmecryCD to another girl, because if he can let you go and run into the arms of another girl because of one slip-up on your part, then he is not worth it anyway.

    I know that’s hard for you to believe right now, because of the guilt you feel over losing it, over “losing” him.

    but don’t regret it. You let your guard down. You felt your emotions. You felt drawn to a cause, drawn to a pursuit of higher truth, to discussion, maybe argument yes, but argument helps us see higher truths, does it not?

    Let it go.

  88.  #88Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm


    Thank you so much for your response.

    I’ve contacted both potential CD’s. It made me feel more in charge of the situation.

    Another good news is that I got the feedback from my Thurs interview and it is very positive and both people said they were impressed with my knowledge and the way I present myself. They are meeting other candidates this week, so the next step will be only announced next week.

  89.  #89Dominique on April 2, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Iamabutterfly – May I ask you a question? Why can’t a man who maybe doesn’t necessarily make your eyeballs swoon be AMAZING.

    There are many great, sweet, kind, generous, affectionate, all you could want men out there who maybe don’t look like your fantasy image.

    I let this go consciously when K came to call, and here we’ are about to celebrate our ten year anniversary. I feel so happy I didn’t reject him because he didn’t exactly fit what I normally would have been attracted to.


  90.  #90Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    she eventually just got off the phone, and i felt relieved. She is the last one who felt oepn to come to me to bash men and hopefully now i no longer have that problem. I need to beign her to this blog because all of the problems she was having, (i realized again, after re-reading the e-book) can be solved by simply shifting her focus. Because i really dont see why a man who loves you, cares for you, is respectful and considers your feelings for the most part should be put on the chopping block because he can’t use a knife and fork. I know we grew up using them but we can’t go around judging everyone who didn’t!!

  91.  #91Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    I am giving myself until friday to get an impressive application together for the singing job. This week I will work all week on gathering my videos, pictures and resume, till i think it gives them the best view or myself as a performer and as a person. The pearl that I am, they should pay me to jus sit on stage and smile ๐Ÿ™‚ lol

  92.  #92Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    @89 Dominique – I know. I’ve met many. I just feel mad because I felt extremely attracted to this one guy, and I’m just feeling sad and “of course” because he’s taken now.

  93.  #93Zara on April 2, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Oprah’s Lifeclass: Oprah and Deepak Chopra

  94.  #94lk on April 2, 2012 at 1:01 pm


    & also a lot of this is just my random, soup-y fear….

    i’m ready to “give up” though : )

    (((((lk))))) it’s ok baby, you’re wonderful : )

    wanna say…

    hey babe… : ) awww i love you : ) …. can we cuddle & talk for a minute ? i’m feeling sort of overwhelmed about last night….. & normally i feel so amazed because it feels good talking to you about anything, or any problems i’m having… & i feel so safe & taken-care-of with you : )))) & i love you dearly…. & i felt sad last night hearing you felt unsafe to share with me…. & that feels so bad because our open, honest communication feels so incredible usually & i love that about our relationship…..

    whoa just got wayyy mad again thinking about something….. that will happen when i’m talking to him & i think when i start to feel anger “heating up” i can maybe just let it “melt” me – a good visual, we’ll see how it works in practice lol : )


    & ….. i do love that about our relationship, & i really want to find a good way to communicate about the kitchen because it feels like both of us hold a lot of energy there & i really want us both to feel safe & helped in our partnership…. what do you think we should do ?

    ugh i feel ill ! this is really ok & i will be ok : ) it’s scary to share…. & difficult also… but i can.

    & listening ! i can listen & stop planning my “next move” & he will solve everything, right ? : ) lol

  95.  #95Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    “There are many great, sweet, kind, generous, affectionate, all you could want men out there who maybe donโ€™t look like your fantasy image.”

    I love this Dominique!

    For me, I find men more attractive when they are affectionate towards me. Weird but i like it that way, I’m less likely to fall into the pit of unrequited love.

  96.  #96Layla on April 2, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Hello You Sexy Sirens!

    Here’s my latest Siren Story:

    I feel so good today….it is a crisp, clear, smog free, spring day in southern California.
    I had an amazing weekend…on Friday I went to the spa with my girlfriend and had a body scrub and massage. Afterwards my skin was so amazingly soft, I felt so sexy and sensual.
    On Saturday, I went out with my girlfriends. We went to an event in downtown LA called the Blanc et Noir party. Everyone had to wear black and white. We got a room downtown and drank champagne and ate strawberries and chocolate as we got dressed. I actually had more fun getting ready then at the party. We looked so amazing and gorgeous…true Siren Goddesses….I knew men were going to fall at our feet and they did… We were all on the same vibe, complimenting each other, no insecurities no competition. They were tons of men, so many to choose from.
    One man danced with me and bought me a drink. He kept trying to leave ( I imagine to see what other ladies were available…I didn’t blame him…I wanted to see what other men were available) but he kept coming back to me. Everytime I turned around he was there. Guess it was my sexy Siren song. I’m friends with one of the hosts and he gave me passes to the VIP area. The passes were green armbands. I saw the guy “BW” standing a short distance from me. I walked up to him and put band around his wrist(ok, I leaned forward but I’m a Goddess dammit! I can do what I want as long as it feels good) and told him to come see me in VIP later. He smiled and I walked away. Later he text me and told me he was waiting for me in VIP. Long story short… we danced and talked. We kissed on the dance floor and it was so nice. We sat in VIP and talked. He started moving fast, telling me he was looking for a relationship, telling me about himself and asking me too many questions. I just smiled and nodded and answered what I wanted to. After the party, he called and texted that night(or morning actually) to say how happy he was to meet me. I know alcohol played a part but I didn’t care because I was just circular dating and I didn’t care if I ever saw him again. Well on Sunday, he tried to see me but I couldn’t. We had a long convo though(different post) and today Monday, he text me and told me he was thinking of me and wanted to see me soon.
    Anyway, just wanted to share my sexy siren story and it feels good to share it.

  97.  #97Layla on April 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Where is Siren Island on FB? I can’t find it.

  98.  #98GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Wow… everyday I have so much to say here & am impeded by my phone`s limitations. Starla & lk, I feel for you both. I also see where your guys are coming from, which has nothing to do with judging who`s “right” or “wrong” imo. Starla, do you wanna work w this man on all this bc you love & desire him in all his glorious & flawed humanity? Is it him you want? Imo it`s all about the Tools which are really ime Truth, and like a Dao of relationships… The Way Things Really Work. It sounds like CDing isnt part of your practice really, and he`s feeling the presssure under the surface. It also ssounds to me likke he prizes you in a way that imo doesnt work: he says you`re awesome & this & that, but that sounds to me like he`s picking cereal off a shelf (my all-time metaphor for this). I`d wanna say, I hear that this relationship doesn`t feel so comfortable or certain for you (that`s not admitting or defining anything either way, just is in the moment) . I`ve communicated as best I can, & I see you`re doing that too. Thank you for doing that! And thanks for reminding me how awesome I am! That feels really encouraging.” And move away from him w warmth, breeziness, self-care & very little contact unless theres reason or agreement for more contacct from you. BUT I WOULD *NOT* JUDGE HIM. Period. Then if he comes back around trying to step up, as best he can, don`t just give in and get relaxed into this connection again till it`s established for a long time, like 9 months or more imo. Take good care of YOU, give to yourself, ride off on your horse w him on back& CD your brains out!!! (well, not to the point of losing your brains, but you know what I mean N U KNOW WHAT I MEAN ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

  99.  #99Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    I promise I’m not shallow. I just really like him, and he did and DOES treat me really well PLUS I’m super attracted to him, and now he’s got a gf and I just feel so icky about it all…:/

  100.  #100Iamabutterfly on April 2, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I’m feeling sad about an old CD who is now engaged. not stereo-typically good-looking at all, but absolutely beautiful to me. One of the most amazing guys I’ve ever met. A leader. Hilariously funny. So considerate and gentle and affectionate.

    He’s engaged to someone who I’ve been told is a lot like me, just a newer, calmer, “better” version.

    I’m beating myself up.

    I need to stop this.

    I just feel rejected yet again.
    I just feel sad. ๐Ÿ™

  101.  #101Emoticon on April 2, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I love my life. The good, the bad, the ugly….and most of all the absolutely beautiful, and beautiful-feeling moments

  102.  #102Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Starla I feel love and vulnerability in his email. It sounds like he is so afraid to disappoint you.

  103.  #103GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Starla, apologies for any weirdness in typing, it takes me 30m – 1hr to type a message this size on here, & I cant see part of what Im typing during the process. So to continue in my presuming of giving advice to you, which i didnt ask you if thats okay… hope all this does *not* feel harsh, as I dont at all mean it that way! I wanna add that i dont know you, him or your whole relationship dynamic, BUT his saying how awesome you are etc doesnt sound *personal* to me. Do you feel you love him for who he is, or bc you want him to make you feel a certain way? And why is he with you? Some1 asked me & NSM Sat night what drew us together. I said “we dont have time for that bc I could go on & on & on!” NSM said “bc she was moving” The asker said “what do you mean by that?” He said “it was better than the [death mood] i was in & it seemed like being with her for awhile would be a good new experience that Id enjoy” ” Well, he loves me in many ways, but I cant make a real & good relationship out of that! (at least not right now, if ever – plus I leaned forward *TON* for over 18 months & he`s scarred lol) **And I cant *judge* him on his truth.** (& still be in clear, truthful, loving, healthy & *untwisted* energy, tho imo it`s essential to express your judgments here etc to get them out!) It`s like, yes, I know I am awesome in many ways, but WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO ME IN YOUR MIND? Why are you with this man? Why is he with you? Do you love & value him in enough conscious & *explainable* ways that it motivates you to keep working with it all regardless of what he does? Does he? Can you cease expecting him to make you feel good & just move away from him if he doesnt, and take the pressure & expectation off him, & put it on your inner boy – without exoecting that doing so will then control HIM to do as you wish in the end? He seems to be leaning back SO FAR that its impossible to lean back w him without falling on your tail! imo that sounds/feels kinda yuk. But that doesnt make him *wrong*!! It simply makes him who he is.

  104.  #104lk on April 2, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    i just heard in my voice how it SOUNDS to “drop my stance”

    CD called just as i was feeling a tiny bit bummed that i hadn’t heard from him & he wanted me to come home early & do some fun things together : )

    & i love him & feel sweetened….

    but i still want to talk. but i think it will feel easy today, not hard like i thought.

    so funny, they just gave me the option to talk to the “night watchman” LOL that is so dated

    & this other guy is all cute-sounding & even though he isn’t the “right” person to talk to (not even in the right department) he told me to call him anytime LOL

    & i love calling on the phone actually & would not mind if this was a part of my next job : )

  105.  #105GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    lk, fwiw it sounds like your guy feels likely pressured & judged too? And perhaps controlled by your moods?

  106.  #106lk on April 2, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    yeah, he is defensive about a few “problems”

    they are all “problems” he had with his last girl & she just emerged “out the woodwork” & wanted him to really Know & Realize how much he effed up their relationship…

    so now when those same issues comes up, feels like he freaks out because he assumes that “women leave” because of those things… super self-hate + defensiveness + fear + old patterns of communicating….

    at least, that’s my take

  107.  #107lk on April 2, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    wow… i really have a “story” going there….

    i don’t know anything. i have no expectations.

    i don’t want to have communication barriers in our relationship & i want to feel safe & loved, even when i don’t do things Exactly Right lol

  108.  #108GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    ((((Iamabutterfly)))) How I wanna keep commenting here, but I gotta go into a long meeting in a moment. Starla & lk, please share w me if/how my words felt good or bad for you if you wanna take the time. Say anything:) **Much love!!!**

  109.  #109Dominique on April 2, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Iamabutterfly – I hear you, yet the universe is infinitely wise. Things unfolded as they did for a good reason and in your best interest.

    Sending hugs and love.


  110.  #110lk on April 2, 2012 at 2:53 pm


    yes, thanks… my posts in 106/107 were @you lol : )))

    ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm but i don’t know what to say, except yes, i hear you that he may feel those ways. but i realize, i don’t know how he feels & it doesn’t matter very much… i just need to share my feelings with him (as openly as i can, just telling him, not blaming him, taking responsibility, not tell him he “made me” feel any particular way…) & if i can i want to feel very happy : ) i love to feel happy : )))

    & yes, i can feel happy right now : ) & i feel nervous to talk to cd but good still too : )

    k bai : ) love y9ou all

  111.  #111Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Rori Raye says:
    “…I watched them NOT shut down, NOT compete, NOT raise their hands or pushing against each other. What I saw and felt was a true, organic TEAM. Youโ€™ll love this interview, and Orna and Matthewโ€ฆ
    Love, Rori…”

    SLV: I’m looking for a similar team model as a soulmate life partnership.

  112.  #112Starla on April 2, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    got the rejection letter from grad school.

  113.  #113Sun Goddess on April 2, 2012 at 3:38 pm


  114.  #114Senior Lady Vibe on April 2, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    A wish from previous thread..

    @747: Frances says:
    “…I feel like I need plastic surgery, but I am virtually penny-less…”

    Instead of: “I am virtually penny-less…” Try this…

    “I’m interested in a little procedure and it costs $XXXX so I’m putting $XXX aside each month which is about the same as a $XXX costs.” (a Starbucks coffee, blouse, ten gallons of gas, whatever)

    It’s important to use real dollar numbers and set an intention. One year, two years, five years, ten years… whatever you decide, you will know what it costs. This way we internalize that what we want is obtainable…

    I hope this helps.


  115.  #115Dominique on April 2, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Starla – xxoo

  116.  #116Starla on April 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    luckily my best friend is here with me already:)

    CF told me a long time ago to call him the second i got the letter, but it just feels like i would somehow screw everything up further.

    so i guess i’ll just commiserate with my friend, and hope he’s not hurt when he finds out i didn’t tell him right away.

  117.  #117mali on April 2, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Oh, Iamabutterfly…

    I love you! Sending you a bazillion hugs <3<3<3

  118.  #118mali on April 2, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    (((Starla))) Thinking of you.

  119.  #119Sassy on April 2, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Take care of your big and little girls. No one can do that better than you. There is a reason for all that is coming down on you right now, maybe you are being prepared for so much bigger, brighter and better things and people.
    I know how much you’re hurting sweet siren. We are all hurting right along with you, but we are also in your corner, cheering you on, supporting you, and sending you the best of our love and good, happy vibes.
    Much love

  120.  #120Starla on April 2, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I really was qualified. At least for the masters program if not the doctoral program. It’s not THAT competitive. But they coldly rejected me. Gave no reasons or comparisons to other applicants… it may very well be my role in our state as a mariju*ana legalization activist. sigh. but i’ll never know since they didn’t give a reason in the slightest. They didn’t invite me to reapply, and said they hoped i would find a program that was a “good fit” for me.

    it’s not that competitive. I got a 4.0 in my major and minor, which is the same topic as the doctoral degree, am a professional researcher of 5 years, and have really strong leadership and writing experience. My recommendation letters were all glowing. My GRE scores were in the 93rd percentile. My essay exuded passion. But working my ass off to change mariju*ana laws probably worked against me. my family and friends warned me this could happen, but i told them i would never be ashamed and always boast of my accomplishments because they are huge, even if it has to do with drug policy. i probably shouldn’t have even mentioned it in the application. But it’s what I did for the first year and a half after college, and i did some BIG things while i was there.

    i feel silly even saying all this, like you guys will think i’m just making excuses for not getting accepted that don’t have to do with my merit.

  121.  #121Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    (((((( Starla )))))) noooooo! ๐Ÿ™

    Emoticone: i’m not home now but going there soon. As soon as I get there I’ll read your email and add you to facebook and to siren island.

  122.  #122Starla on April 2, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    gingersky, thanks for taking the time to type to me on your frustrating little mobile device, hehe.

    i know why cf and i are into each other. it’s huge. mountain-moving huge. i know with my heart and soul actually why we are into each other. me into him, and him into me.

    he DOES sound rather impersonal and scientific there. lol. he’s an avionics teacher and typed it during the break of his morning class, lol.

  123.  #123siren song on April 2, 2012 at 4:24 pm


  124.  #124Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 4:36 pm


  125.  #125Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    I get a little wondering voice once in a while suggesting to call him and ask what’s going on. But it’s probably a bad idea.

  126.  #126Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 4:38 pm


    Where are you applying next?

  127.  #127Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Wow I had a super busy day, no time to think of leaning forward with ATW.

    I quit my job, drank champagne and ate macarons, went for a drink on a terrasse with my best friend and a guy friend and now another guy friend is coming to drink vodka with me at my place…


    But I don’t know why, I am feeling anxious about drinking vodka with that friend (or with any friend actually). Like I’m gonna have fun tonight but I’m gonna be hangover and I’m gonna have to cancel my fabulous plans for tomorrow (good bye lunch at my old job and shopping)…

    Hmmm what to do?

  128.  #128Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    Awww Starla, I’m sorry about school and how badly you are feeling about your man. I didn’t see his letter as being bad though. I really like Rori’s advice to you, and encourage you to take a step back and see how you are feeling later or in the morning. I don’t believe he wouldn’t have put that much energy out if he didn’t want to make this work with you. Maybe he’s feeling like it all has to happen and be on your terms, which then really isn’t letting him lead. It’s all going to be ok. I really believe that.

    LK, I am really impressed with how you handle things when you are upset, and what thoughts come to you to express when we are hurt or disappointed. Your 100% post to Starla was fantastic. I feel really inspired to think more deeply about what I’m feeling and how I can express it so clearly. Thank you.

    Lizka, sooo happy for you, and Way to go on not leaning forward with ATW, it will be the second time today you shocked him!!!

    FW, I’m not sure if I commented about your dad or not, things have been crazy here for me lately, but I meant to if I didn’t. I’m very sorry to hear he’s not doing better. My dad is 79 and it scares me.

  129.  #129Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    RamadanCD texted me and asked about if I quit my job and how it went.

    Lol he is cute, He asks me about how I felt. He wrote: “Did you feel good? And when you walked away, you felt free?”

    Lol maybe cause I’m using a lot of FMs with him…

    I’m getting pretty good at FMs I think. Yay me!

  130.  #130Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    Turquoise –

    Second time I shocked him? You mean by not answering to his “yeah :)”

    I have to confess that one hour later, I wrote “yeeesssss. Talk to you soon”

    I just wanted to return the eternal “soon”. I see it more as mirroring than leaning forward so I can live with it. Plus it was one hour later…

  131.  #131Healing Waterfall on April 2, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Starla, I am sending you big hugs……i feel so bummed for you that you did not get into grad school, but you sound good that you see why they did not let you in….if it was me, i would call them and ask to speak to the dept chair about your application so you understand their decision. He/She has to agree to speak with you if you request it. That way, if it is because you worked for cannabis legislation, then you know that’s it, or if they just had two spots or some other little thing..
    And you have to feel good to hear from Rori, I feel so sure you and CF will work it out.


    wow, what a day for you too.

    well, i am not sure if i blew my no leaning forward challenge to day or not, because i could not find my tax voucher and i needed another one from him. I just texted him and first he texted me back and then he called me! And I talked to him for awhile… was so nice to talk to him….

    And then, true confession, I texted him an hour after talking to him because when i applied for the jobs today, on one application i put him for a reference, they asked for 5 and I couldn’t think of anyone else and he is reputable in town and i thought it might be good for me, so i texted him that i put him down as a reference, but did not hear back from him.

    So did not hear back from him on that. But now recommitting to leaning back, because of leaning back, I got tons of energy to look at my finances and start applying to jobs. And had an awesome talk with him where he was really interested in what is going on for me with my cash flow, it was really sweet and it felt so supportive.

    Way to go Lizka! You are amazing.
    Thanks everybody here.
    You are all so special and sweet and inspiring.

  132.  #132Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 5:55 pm


    I don’t know what in the world is going on…. but Ohioguy is stepping up and talking about his feelings, and is so open and honest and making me feel adored already! Wow, I almost don’t want to meet him Saturday and risk this all ending. We talk everyday, for over an hour. I didn’t want that, because I didn’t want to get attached before meeting him. He texts me first all the time, except I did lean forward Friday night to say have a good time at the concert. He’d already texted me earlier in the day, and I had no expectation of anything, and he texted me several times during it. Here are some of the texts I got from him today…..

    We’d been texting for awhile by this point, but this is the feeling part…

    him – You seem excited!

    me – to meet? I am.

    him – I too am excited to meet you. I like your voice, your personality and pictures. You have the sexiest eyes.

    me – thank you, feels very nice to hear that.

    him – and I love your hair

    me – I love my hair too lol

    him – should I continue?

    me – definitely. making me feel much better.

    him – I hope we found each other. If it’s right, we go from there.

    me – I just said a similar thing to my best friend.

    him – inside, I hope we are right for each other, it just has a nice feeling to it. Normally I don’t spill my thoughts, at least not before we meet.

    me – Yes, it’s hard not to think about the what if’s. I really enjoy our conversations.

    him – I do too C.

    me – I like that you can talk about your feelings

    him- I told my friend you seem like a keeper, he agreed. (he told me that at the concert he was showing him my pictures and profile)

    me – Wow, you just made my day. I think I’m blushing.

    him – lol, awe

    Then I asked when his birthday was and he asked mine. I said I read his horoscope. So then he looks up our sign compatibility and sends me the link. Apparently sagittarius women and aquarius men are a good match. : )

    “Sagittarius female/Aquarius male: Both signs are likely to cherish and love each other. Both of them love their freedom and independence which they extend to each other. Their mutual love and enthusiasm for life make their lives full of fun and excitement. This watery and fiery match could be the best romantic match possible for a sagittarius female.”

    Shortly after that we talked for a long time, and everything is just clicking. I keep reminding myself that I haven’t even met him yet, words all sound nice, but so much to wait and see on.

    I’m kinda feeling freaked out. Talking to the universe is a serious thing. He’s a lot like what I’m looking for and what I was asking for before I started asking for my ex back.

  133.  #133Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Tonight I had drinks with a guy friend. It was not a date. We dated twice, first time when we met when we were both working in a summer camp (in 2003, I was 18), and last summer. I am not going back there. I am not feeling attracted at all.

    Anyway it was not a date but I really got to practised listening at level 2. I was listening to him, and never interrupting, and really looking at him and looking at every details in his face and practising not giving my opinion or advices. Just listening and also being ok with the silence.

    I have a feeling that he really appreciated my listening. He was happy and he said he loved me (as a friend of course…) and thanked me.

    Wouhou siren Lizkaaaaaa!!

  134.  #134Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 6:04 pm


    I really didn’t mean it, but I pocket called DjCD… I hang up and forgot about it and he called me back! lol, we haven’t talk for WEEKS! He was nice though, asked me how I’ve been, and I told him about the job and we chatted for 3-4 minutes. I ended the conversation first which I feel proud of.

  135.  #135Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    When I talked to C yesterday, I told I’m I’d send in the tax appeal paperwork today because it was the deadline, and he’s travelling and didn’t do it. So today I took a picture of the certified mail envelope and sent it to him so he’d know it went out. He texted me back later to say,

    Thanks C. I really appreciate you doing this for me. I should have made it a priority to get done.

    I replied back, you are welcome. Feels good to do something to help.

    Sooooooooo still loving that man, even though he’s not saying all this wonderful stuff Ohio is. I don’t imagine it’s really going to go away, guess it will just change, or maybe loving someone else will shift my focus? Or maybe I’ll always want him. Fudge, I felt all high and elated thinking about Ohio and future possibilities…. and now I’m just thinking that a future possibility with someone else means and ending with him…. and that hurts my heart and makes my eyes tear up. Maybe I’m not ready for all this. Or maybe I thought I’d meet someone who wouldn’t live up to my wants and needs, so that would encourage me to keep telling myself C was best for me.

  136.  #136Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Woooow Turquoise I’m happy for you!

    The guy seem great! It must help to removed to focus from your ex, no?

    Awww that must feel good. ๐Ÿ™‚

  137.  #137Jessie1000 on April 2, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Oh starla! I was rejected 24 times before i found the school I am in now….Try canada! My school, one of the professors is a working prostitute and advocates for sex workers….you would fit in nicely! My grad. applications cost me literally a fortune and sometimes over 5000 people apply for these programs, my uni, allows 1 person from each province….so if a whole bunch of people applied from say British Columbia, you have alot of competitors for only 1 seat!! Dont give up….use a new proposal, workshop your proposals with other professors, save your money for application fees for next year and keep on keeping on|!
    YOu can do it….if you are absolutely sure that you want to do this degree….there is a solution to everything….you have to find a school that likes your politics….where I am from ….my politics are radical and none of the schools near me wanted me or wanted to give me funding…but this school says I am a prize and Out of 14 students, most have dropped out because of sheer exhaustion….so be careful what you wish for….these degrees are terrible hard and very challenging for the social life!
    Hope to hear you will keep trying….

  138.  #138Jessie1000 on April 2, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Lizka….sometimes I get a buzz from a few beer and then i drink like monsters and red bull so i feel happy and up but no hangover the next day….dancing and stuff needs energy and drinks but my kids make me nuts every time I try to rest….anyway, thats what I do??
    SO glad to hear you are going to be OK|!

  139.  #139Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Yes Yes Yes Starla!! Go to Canada!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  140.  #140Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Jessie, our plan was to “drink like there’s no tomorrow, russian style and everyting”, lol… I WOULD have be hangover for sure! haha

    But I decided that I wanted to do my fun plans tomorrow and to reschedule with him. I said I felt bad to cancel and he said “heyyy no worries, I love you, we’ll reschedule”

    Lol two men (that I both consider only as friends btw) said “I love you” tonight… Must be my incredible vibe.

    I’m open to receive more more more love Universe!!! Bring it on!

  141.  #141Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:19 pm

    3 days with no contact

  142.  #142Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    It was never like this before. It just wasn’t.

  143.  #143Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    It is helping Lizka, because I’m so busy chatting and talking with Ohio that I don’t have time. But when I go to bed at night, I always think about him. He really is in my heart.

    But it does feel really good to know there could be someone else out there that is a really good fit for me. Someone who will want to make me happy, will call and text, and wants to plan fun things to do and vacations, and a future. Feels like it could feel hard to resist. And he doesn’t come across as desperate or anything, is nice looking, has a lot going for him… so doesn’t feel needy or clingy or anything.

  144.  #144Jessie1000 on April 2, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Starla, another thing….do you think neglect is abuse?
    Because sometimes by ignoring your feelings, not spending time with you, avoiding a break up with mixed messages that leave you hanging….I might consider that a form of emotional abuse
    Perhaps you think that is is more “good” than an abuser but I think physical abuse is easy to spot and emotional abuse is a tricky one….sometimes people can be very angry when they think of you planning to leave but not want to let you go….so they might cheat, or yell, or break up, or lie, or play with your head????
    My kids father was terrible, angry about housework, angry about the sneakers I wore, why didnt i dress up, angry over bills and then never coming home and he had a nother woman….he was “seeing” her but nothing serious and I will never forget how after him
    I promised to never ever blame myself for a mans wierd or mean behaviour cause they may be just NO GOOD.
    NO good men, get kicked off siren island and can go back on their boat and paddle away
    not that i know anything

  145.  #145Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Awww Turquoise!

    I know the feeling of thinking of him when you go to bed after not thinking of him all day. I do that every night with ATW… and sometimes I cry. But I tell myself that tomorrow is gonna be another exciting day and that one day, one night, I’m not gonna think of him, and than one other week, it’s gonna be 2 or 3 nights in a row… ๐Ÿ™‚

    …or maybe he’s gonna feel that I am getting far and he’s gonna come see where I am, who knows!

  146.  #146Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:27 pm


    I just logged in to the dating site where we met. And I see that he was there an hour ago.

    I didn’t go there for almost 2 months

  147.  #147Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Awe, Lizka. I love that. Of course you are loved!!!!!

  148.  #148Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Awe Memulo. ๐Ÿ™ I’m sorry.

  149.  #149Jessie1000 on April 2, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    memulo….so sorry to hear that….dont feel bad though, sometimes boys act like that and its nothing at all to do with you….Once I had a guy drop away and i thought that he hated me and guess where he was?
    REHAB lol!!!
    He called it a “course” and it was over xmas and they let him out for xmas day and it was court ordered and he is forbidden to contact anyone while in there….they dont know if your their friend or a drug hook up
    NOt that I went back with him but it was so nice to know that it wasnt me!!
    Maybe your decision is good for you and you only but that doesnt mean that your not free and clear to meet someone worth keeping and worth getting with!
    remember if a decision we made is good for us….then its the right decision
    No man pleasing….as rori would say and that is a wierd hat to put on when your used to having your ears cold and hangin out in the frost!! lol
    Hope u feel better

  150.  #150Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Jessie.. what decision? What do you mean by ‘decision’?

    I guess this can mean that he didn’t necessarily meet someone thru friends like I feared and is considering playing the field? Well I don’t know how long he’s been doing that, right.

  151.  #151Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    But Memulo… you logged to the website too… no?

    Don’t jump too fast to the conclusion. He might just wanted to check if YOU logged. lol. There might be 20 thousands reasons.

    Please don’t focus on that.

    (((((((( Memulo ))))))))

  152.  #152siren song on April 2, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    oh, memulo. sorry to hear that

  153.  #153Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    I shouldn’t have gone out with him last week.

    When we met he told me that he was contacted by other women.. I asked jokingly – so how did you find them? He said – I didn’t talk to them, I’m going out with you. That was on 2nd date.

    Maybe people wrote to him and he logged in and checked it out.. You never know. But he is not contacting me, that’s for sure.

  154.  #154Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    I logged in yes.. I was talking to a gfriend yesterday and she said: I’d take a look if he is online. And I thought can’t be, but just now I got an email from there all of the sudden, so thought maybe it’s a sign to take a look lol.

    Now he can see that I logged in too. I don’t feel happy about this.

  155.  #155Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    I can’t even check my emails there.. I am not a paid member.

  156.  #156Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    What is it that he was unhappy about with me?? Omg, what is it? What did I not give him…

  157.  #157Daria on April 2, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    omg Starla so sorry

  158.  #158Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Isn’t this insane? To bring his boy to me unannounced, to give me a concert at home, to care, to act like I belong there, to suddenly show me his childhood photos, show me his whole family, to hold me the whole night, to have a wonderful bfast, to listen, so look me in the eyes, to make me feel so comfortable and at ease and just disappear?

  159.  #159GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    ((((( Starla ))))) There`s a school & a man who would *both* kill to kiss you! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Your place is out there & you`re being lead right to it thru circumstances imo. Maybe both are right under your nose, or maybe not but you *are* awesome & and Sirens support you!

  160.  #160Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    Memulo – remember that men needs space after intense feeling.

    He’s maybe caving for 3 days now just because he was feeling so intense with you and he needs to see where he is.

  161.  #161Daria on April 2, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Frances: this company’s products really work to tighten skin and even heal scars of burn victims (i’ve been reading the forums of user’s experiences over a few years and have just ordered them and started a week ago and they are POWERFUL)

    I believe they can DEFINITELY make a huge difference in tightening your skin

    they have inexpensive trial packs:

  162.  #162Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    Memulo, stop it. It’s not what you didn’t give him. Either it clicks or it doesn’t. Maybe he’s not ready, maybe he wasn’t honest about what he was looking for, maybe he misses his wife, you could maybe yourself to death. All that matters is that you know what kind of relationship you want and need, and right now, this man is not giving it to you. Focus your attention on down the road, across your bridge… where do you want to be?

  163.  #163Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    There was just one thing.. I don’t remember how we came down to it but I said that my family calls me by a childhood name.. and he asked – what is your name? And I couldn’t say it. He asked – you wouldn’t tell me your name? I said oh you never call me by my name anyway-) He said: do you call me by my name?I said no! and we went on talking about something else. Shortly after in bed I told him that I liked him.. and I always kiss him, his arms, head.. I am affectionate.. I do it if I wake up for a min and he is touching me, I would always do it.

  164.  #164Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Turquoise but we click.. we really do. And no, it’s not the ex.

  165.  #165Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    I’m sorry if that sounds harsh. I don’t mean to be. There could be a lot of reasons why you haven’t heard from him in 3 days, and that isn’t the end of the world, but I know it sure doesn’t feel good.

  166.  #166Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Heyyyy are you all out of your mind? The guy just logged on a dating site and didn’t call for 3 days. It’s so NOTHING!!! Am I the only one to see it?


    Memulo seriously it’s really nothing. It doesn’t mean that it’s over or that he changed his mind or anything! My god NO!

    Keep leaning back and focus on you and try not to think of it (after a good cry maybe?) and you’ll see, he’ll come see in a few days where you are.

    I’m 100% sure of this!

  167.  #167Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    Starla I believe things happen for a reason. We don’t see it at the time but eventually we do. This rejection is because there is some other thing out there for you. You will eventually understand. Just a few days ago Lizka was crying about what her current boss had said to her and look at the outcome. I believe something better will work out. Something connected to your purpose on the planet.

  168.  #168Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    But Lizka, don’t you get tired of not hearing from men for 3 days or more? I do think that means something. If we are ok about that now, isn’t that teaching someone how to treat us? What about the boundary? Look at what Starla is going through now, 8 or 9 months into a relationship, and still having to ask for more time and attention.

    If we aren’t ok with going days without talking to them, yet let it go, act likes it’s nothing when we are upset about it, or wanting more… is that being authentic? Is that being true to ourselves?

    I know leaning back works, but I think it’s the inspiring them to step up that is really the hardest.

  169.  #169Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Memulo/Turquoise – this is only 2 months old. I am pretty sure he still considers you a stranger. He is entitled to do what he wants with his life. If he chooses to go on the dating site that is his business. Even if there was a commitment and he chose to do that it is still his business and he is entitled live his life the way he chooses. I am sure he is also assuming that you (Memulo) is doing what you want to do. Do he ask you to take down your profile and stop dating other men?

  170.  #170Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:22 pm

    Thank you girls.. Thank you Lizka and Turquoise.

    Check this out – at bfast he suddenly remembered that he was wearing the same shirt that he gave me the night before as I was cold and with a shy smile he lifted it a bit a put his nose in it because he thought it would still have my smell.

  171.  #171Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    Now I am feeling majorly nervous about my date on Saturday. What the flip…. too much conversation too soon, too many sweet things said, now ALL this expectation, and this is exactly what I was trying to NOT do. I asked him to send me another picture, and it’s blurry, and he looks big.. but his profile pics are a year old, so can’t look that different, and he’s always walking the dog, cutting the grass, going to the gym…. I don’t want to be caught up on looks, but I think I am. Crap I’m what’s the word, superficial?

    I’m really starting to panic now. Deep breath in, and out. It’s just dinner. It’s just a date. He’s just a CD…. I’m not committing to him…

  172.  #172Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:26 pm


    When we had the exclusivity talk he said he didn’t know, but he assumed that we are only dating each other. If I need exclusivity to progress further, he agrees.

  173.  #173Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Oh it’s only 2 months??? OHHHH…. ok, well, 2 months is usually a hurdle for me. For me, somehow that always is the point where it starts to feel real, and they often pull away. They do reappear later, usually about a month later.

  174.  #174Daria on April 2, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    my weekend felt amazing and powerful

    really amazing and powerful i feel moved

    i feel sad to encounter a belief that i wont be heard and felt

    i felt HUGELY healed smoking marijuana and doing EFT belief shifts on saturday… and my powers have carried through

    i can shift any belief now – i just shifted the one i mentioned encounering a couple lines up

    and am giglling now as my body an energy align

    my mind feels so powerful

    i have healed fear.

    today i tuned inot my CAT and i felt HIM. and tehn i healed him. with EFT. he started giving off powerful vibes and behaving energized and connected to me.

    and i feel moved to treat him worhshipfullhy and clean and bless the places to eat and offer him food and be open to his love

    I will share some of my written expressions and revelations from my healings

  175.  #175Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    RE 158 Memulo it is not insane. Men do those things all the time. Men live in the moment and will respond to how they feel in each moment. He knows you will there waiting for him when he returns so his mind might not be preoccupied with figuring out how to win you. So possibly he is out seeking another challenge? Remember when there is nothing to win guys tend to get bored. Is he teaching you a lesson?

  176.  #176Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    He knew last time something was coming my way. He said: see you soon and have a nice day. He NEVER wished me a nice day before. See you soon I don’t remember either.

    Ok, I am going to stop analyzing and rethinking every word. I know he can do what he pleases. I am trying not to feel heart broken, I am.

  177.  #177Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:30 pm


    I don’t know how to be a challenge to him now.

  178.  #178Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:31 pm


    They never reappear.

  179.  #179Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    How dare him assume anything? I don’t believe that.
    Men know that we owe them nothing unless they make a commitment. He knows he has no claim on you until he specifically asks you.

  180.  #180Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Trying not to feel broken hearted is counterproductive. Sink into your feelings. It is teaching you something about you.

  181.  #181Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Turquoise I agree with what you are saying in 168, but like FW said, these things CAN happen and we should not over analyse and beat ourself up about what we did or didn’t do. He’s just caving. I saw lot of girls here having their men caving and coming back loving them more and being 100% ready to commit after caving for a few days and explore other options… No? Look at Siren Angel, she was freaking out about her M still having his profile up on Match and not calling her for WEEKS!! She leaned back and he came back and is stepping up big time now and I think they even considering to move in one day…

    I like thinking that this is what is happening with ATW…

    Exactly two weeks ago, we had a talk about “us”, than I started my challenge. In two weeks I had one date and two times only he contacted me. Yes of course that’s not my ideal relationship, but I AM NOT in a relationship with him. So I like to think that he is taking his time to be ready with me… or that I AM taking my time to be ready for something else (if his process is longer than mine…).

    Everything’s gonna be alright in any case.

  182.  #182Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    I didn’t think I wasn’t challenging to him but who knows. Even with the last exchange I leaned back, did not return calls/texts or not right away and he went crazy calling and texting the whole day, then suddenly came over with the boy.

    Isn’t there a time when we can be a little more trusting and let the challenging part relax?

  183.  #183Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    Wow I feel surprised about my own words. Lizka is that you writting these words? You are amazing Lizka and you are growing so fast. I love me ๐Ÿ™‚

  184.  #184Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Turquoise think of him as Scooby Doo, begging for a snack. Or with his pants down on a stage in front of an audience.

  185.  #185GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Memulo, the way you describe how you loved on him, kissing him all over etc, sounds like loving on him in your male energy, like how a man should be loving on a woman as she simply *receives & responds*. This is *just* like me. I learned from Rori`s materials that it doesn`t work. It`s leaning forward, & it puts a man into his female energy, ungrounds him & makes him uncomfortable imo, no matter how much he may “like” it… & it drives them away. And it makes us into sleeping-together material but not step-up or commitment material usually. A tiny bit of it may be fine occasionally, i speculate (& hope) after a committed relationship? But I had to shift this way of being & found amazing results happened when I did.

  186.  #186Daria on April 2, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    i am a huge spirit and i am accepting that

    i had a belief that that meant everyone was less than, and that felt sad… and i shifted that an i feel open to be wowed at the magic now of being amazing in a web of amazing beings

  187.  #187Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Also Memulo if him not calling for 3 days creates so much internal storm for you what would happen when a week or month goes by?

  188.  #188Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Lizka, good advice. Way to go girlie. I guess that is the point, not actually in the relationships yet, just on the way there.

    I’m just starting to panic. It’s been a really long time since someone has said such nice things to me. Part of me feels so excited and ready, and part of me feels terrified.

    And part of me doesn’t want to let go of C, so I’m holding myself back. AND, I notice me not wanting to let go at all, until I meet Ohio, and see if I feel any chemistry in person, like just in case I don’t, I won’t have lost anything, but I don’t have anything there to lose, so not sure what the heck I am doing and thinking.

  189.  #189Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Lizka, good advice. Way to go girlie. I guess that is the point, not actually in the relationships yet, just on the way there.

    I’m just starting to panic. It’s been a really long time since someone has said such nice things to me. Part of me feels so excited and ready, and part of me feels terrified.

    And part of me doesn’t want to let go of C, so I’m holding myself back. AND, I notice me not wanting to let go at all, until I meet Ohio, and see if I feel any chemistry in person, like just in case I don’t, I won’t have lost anything, but I don’t have anything there to lose, so not sure what the heck I am doing and thinking.

  190.  #190Lush_Oasis on April 2, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Wow…. FW …. I feel a bit shocked with the intensity behind your messages. Phew. Hope everything is ok?!

    Memulo — as difficult as it may seem, truly, try to pull yourself out of his bubble and keep the focus on you.

    I was recently in the same predicament as you are currently. Recall that my CD totally talked the talk and walked the walk, but when I mentioned one of my boundaries, he became instantly defensive and accusatory and disappeared for a couple days and then returned and tried to believe that those conversations never took place.

    Needless to say, I stood my ground and stated my feelings and desires blah blah blah and told him I wasn’t comfortable with the relationship as it was and wished him well. [note: this is totally edited, and a lot of information was left out for the sake of posting here, but the point remains the same]

    I know you have this “exclusivity” concept agreed to in your relationship. Is it one of those statements that you told him you wouldn’t sleep with anyone without being exclusive in the relationship (or some other wording similar)?

    If that’s the situation, then read it from the boy’s POV (point of view) … you’re not asking him to be exclusive and you’re not telling him to stop doing what he’s doing. What that does say is that you’re choosing for yourself to not sleep with anyone else if you are choosing to sleep with him.


    At this point … I’d say CD as much as possible — even if it is just with yourself. Find yourself again … get out of his head … get out of the habit of thinking that he usually does XYZ (oh, and by the way .. my CD that was totally all in to me and wanted to move in together and marry always made it a point to write to me every day .. didn’t stop him from doing what he chose to do on the side.)

    Have fun with your life .. not his … each day is a new beginning. No one knows what you’re able to do until you do it …. get busy … {{{ Memulo / FW }}}

  191.  #191Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 8:07 pm

    And I have my period, and the seriousness of a lot of what Ohio said to me is sinking in. Talking about marriage, and weddings, and family vacations, and living together and moving here and being each others dreams come true, and on and on and on…. it’s just too much too soon. It’s fun in the moment, and he really does sound amazing and open and friendly and ready for a commitment, but I am not where he is yet. I just want to go on a date, with no expecations and be surprised. This is ALL practice!!!!

    Earlier today he told me that on that horoscope link it said Aquarius men like to plan dates and made decisions, and I sort of cut him off to say that I liked that. He said really? I said yes, It feels really nice to be taken care of and have someone else make the decisions and plans. I feel open to discussing it or sharing ideas. I then said, and it doesn’t have to be some big extravagant thing, even going for a hike or getting a drink, and he said, “but you’d be open to it right? (meaning the big and extravagant) and I said, Oh yes. Feels nice to have that too.

    He’s nervous now too…. wants everything to be perfect. WTF, we talk too much. Tomorrow night my friend is coming over, going through a horrible time with her daughter, so we need some girls time. Wed. night the girls have gymnastics, and I’m going to work on the garage when we get home. Need to shift my focus back onto me and what I want to do with my time. He’s going to think I’m changing my mind. I might need help with a good feeling message here. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but I am not responsible for them either. I feel like the guy.

  192.  #192Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    RE 185 I agree with Gingersky there. I felt triggered at the question about what didn’t I give him. Men want to give to a woman. I have accepted that giving to a man could shortcircuit his emotional process.

  193.  #193Femininewoman on April 2, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Turquoise I think it is a bit presumptions or even disrespectful to think that you could hurt his feelings. Let him take care of his feelings is what I say.

  194.  #194Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    I feel a little weird about ATW texting me today about the job… Like he was spying or something… I know he was probably being really sincere when he said I made a giod move and blah blah blah, but why did he popped up after not texting me for 5 days (and before that 3 other days), chit-chatting about the job and nothing else, no asking to see me… I guess he’s not happy with the no sex and he has no reason to see me anymore if I don’t sleep with him…


    Lizka darling, these are just NVs. Please re read the beautiful message you wrote to Turquoise about what you like thinking of when you think of ATW. Maybe the space is to create a relationship. He said it himself “we need to both be autonomous before we can be together”. He said that he would not have be sitting at that bar with you if he didn’t care… 1+1=2. he’s trying to see if you can be autonomous. In the mean times he pops up once in a while to see if you’re doing well. That’s it.

    Please sirens don’t pop my bubble if you think I am wrong thinking like this. That’s the only way I can feel good and keep going through my challenge…

    If I am wrong and all this is in my head, at least the challenge will just give me time to forget about him.

    I only see positive endings possible here. I like that.

    My heart and my troath are feeling a little tight though…

    I think I’m gonna go to bed not to go deeper in the sad thoughts.

    Day 14 was definitely the best so far since I strted mychallenge. I love the way I treated myself with champagne and macarons in the sun of my terrasse. I love myself for doing that.

    Day 15 (wow 2 full weeks already!!) is gonna be fun too! I am going to have lunch with my new ex-coworkers for my good bye lunch and also I am gonna go shopping for sprig clothes and gonna go run at night. I want to use these two weeks to put my training back on track!

    Good night sirems, good bye Day 14!

  195.  #195GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Memulo, we can let the challenging part go now, but it means practicing the Tools. Period:) No matter and what. To be in our femme energy is relaxed – and powerful! You dont need him to *do* or change or be *anything* different. He`s just showing you where you need to step up for you. I hear a lot of Sirens trying to figure out what to do & how to handle the men… just use the Tools & practice them, whichever ones you can gain awareness of. It`s *not* about the men, it`s about *us*. Hugs!

  196.  #196Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Daria, I’m happy to hear you had a powerful feeling weekend and feel that healing is happening for you.

    I am painfully aware of a lot of people really hurting and going through hard times right now (in my personal life) and I wish I could help/save/fix them. But we all really have to do this for ourselves. I’m learning a lot here about that, and while support and encouragement and even a little tough love are needed/helpful, we really need to heal ourselves. I’m also learning that my way or idea is not the best fit for everyone, and I don’t want to judge how others process and grow. I don’t always agree or understand your point of view, but I respect that you are doing what is right for you, and feeling the reward of it. I’m happy you sound happy.

  197.  #197Memulo on April 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Is it a bad idea to sign up again and go back to the dating site? Or should I wait for a few days? I’m not really in a dating mood anyway

  198.  #198Lizka on April 2, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    Everything is gonna be alright in any case Lizka.

    You can do it. Go Day 15!!!!

  199.  #199Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Fear is Not Natural. ย We are infected w it and itโ€™s affecting the animals.

    We can heal it.

    We have believed the lie that fear protects us from death for too long. ย And itโ€™s not true! ย We donโ€™t need protection from death! ย We are conscious divine beings!

    We can heal this disease of fear and then we can heal our pain โ€“ sadness.

    Then we will see if we can heal our anger โ€“ our revenge!!


    And we will โ€“ if we can heal fear, we will have already healed revenge.

    Trust myselfโ€ฆ I will not bring destruction upon humanity but forgiveness and healing. ย I choose love and without fear the choice to heal or destroy is mine. ย I choose to not fear my own choice. ย I choose to trust myself . ย I choose to know no matter how evi*l I look I am hol*y and pure love. ย Without fear I cannot make a wrong choice because I will trust my knowing wothout doubts. ย I choose to heal my fear out of my being I choose to see and live the truth that I am a divine being. ย 

    I can notice fear as it is healing and honor that which is healing. ย I give myself permission to take however long it takes, to heal it gently and comfortably. ย I am looking ahead to a healed empowered life , where I heal mine and others pain.

  200.  #200Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I feel good when a guy’s hella responsible so I can be irresponsible. ย But I don’t wana be put down for my role, I want to be admired and honored.

    I feel good when a guy takes care of business / my needs so I don’t have to – so I can play and enjoy and be pleasured.

    I feel good when ย a guy’s in hella control so I can surrender control.

  201.  #201Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    I don’t need a soulmate. ย I’ ll take a mate in this life.

    I don’t care if me and u have never made love before, galaxies past… We can make love now…

    Be soul mates in the next life… If we want

    I want to feel it good this life

    I can make it happen w any man. ย Wassup. ย Who’s down to worship me.

    I’m not easy to be around. ย 

    I’m a diva.

    A super powerful goddess being to swallow you upย 

    R u ready to not be scared

  202.  #202GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    #192 Well, FW. I gave & nurtured NSM like *crazy*… judged & blamed him, made him look bad in front of other people (not at all realizing what I was doing!). I caretaked, coddled, adored, loved on, corrected gave feedback, made suggestions, got triggered by & totally freaked him out. I blew this passionate, soul sex, depthful, fun, vulnerable amazingly close relationship up with my overfunctioning. He loves me as much as he can & has stood thru all of this… but I def shortcircuited his emotional process & have paid the price (tho there are other complications based on who he is too that have nothing to do with me). Sirens, this is good advice. Shortcircuiting his emotional process is a perfect description for what happens to a man when we overdo it & dont practice the Tools. I am heeding this now!!

  203.  #203GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 8:29 pm

    #201 ((((((( Daria! ))))))))

  204.  #204GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    #192 FW I meant to say “well said!”

  205.  #205Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Girgersky, I feel curious as to what type of community you live in. You often mention meetings. Is that something you feel comfortable to share? IT’s so amazing to learn about all the different sirens here, what their daily lives are like, I feel very connected through our common goals for love and relationships. You give a lot of really great feedback also. Very positive. Thank you.

  206.  #206Jessie1000 on April 2, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    ohhhh daria….im always easy to be around….i think thats why i am anti-social….lol
    How do i stop?
    Be cantankerous?
    be crabby?
    I feel tired and cant sleep….
    need the gym

  207.  #207Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Starla you are too big for that school, those people will be drawn to apply to YOUR STARLA organization, and your applying to them didn’t work cuz you are more amazing than you see with your mind.

    You can always get a hold of their curriculum and study it on your own.

  208.  #208Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Thanks Turquoise ๐Ÿ™‚

  209.  #209GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    #180 FW Right on. That`s what I`m doing here mostly. It`s key.

  210.  #210GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    #207 Daria Right on!! Starla, by weeding you out, that school merely weeded themselves out of your life & got out of your way! Your ideal school is simply waiting for you to discover it! How will that feel? ๐Ÿ˜€

  211.  #211Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Thanks Gingersky for the hugs ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hi Jessie ๐Ÿ™‚

  212.  #212Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Starla – sorry, more amazing than can be seen with the mind right now , felt bad to read that i told you what you can see

    also i feel a bit empowered and relieved and also scared about this situation. on one hand i feel better about myself like ok, im not the only one who gets rejected from schools, and i feel HUGE guilt about that and so uncomfortable to share. I dont want you to think im a secret hater although i judge myself as being a secret hater and i dont want to be.

    ok just shifted that belief. I love you starla and im sorry if my mind judges and hates on you sometimes. I do not want to do that and im in charge and i promise to embrace all of me and also share love and not judgement and blame.

    Also i feel concerned that i will get rejected from a school i have pplanned to apply to now

    I want to heal this whole situation

    I feel scared. oh yeah that means fear around this is healing now wow! since ive commenced healing all fear

  213.  #213Turquoise on April 2, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Good night sirens. Lack of sleep is finally catching up to me. Off to catch some zzzz’s…. good night all! Sweet dreams!

  214.  #214Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    i just hung up on a cd that was having all these background conversations that didnt feel good to me

  215.  #215Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    yay for me doing that

  216.  #216Daria on April 2, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    im feeling angry now… now im practicing the “be his anchor tool”

  217.  #217Daria on April 2, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    oh yeah the one i hung up on called back now and now hes still gonna come visit me lol

  218.  #218Starla on April 2, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    la la la

    Jessie, thanks for your experience with applying to grad school. yes, it is what i really want. one year set-back doesn’t change anything. and in the meantime i have been hoarding money like crazy in preparation for losing my job to go to grad school, so i can afford to keep applying. i feel so appreciative of all this dang money i have hehehehehehehehe I’M RICH!

    What scares me the most about not going to grad school this fall is i don’t actually like my current job. it’s a paycheck. and i haven’t been giving it 100% because i felt certain i would be quitting soon.

    So tomorrow, I’m going to start focusing on my job more, since I’ll be there for another year and a half as far as I know, and it’s one of the best jobs in my industry so I would like to hold on to it unless I choose to leave. I have been avoiding being emotionally present at my job because my heart was dreaming of something else, but i still have a lot to learn about finding joy in the work day. Today I was so distracted by CF and wondering about grad school, I completely spaced out in a meeting and my coworker had to answer a question for me and i didn’t even notice them commenting to me about it. It’s the only time I’ve done that and my boss was on vacation and I’m sure it’ll be okay, but it showed me that I needed to get my head and heart back into the office with me.

  219.  #219Daria on April 2, 2012 at 9:32 pm

    wow im geting a lot of CD’s wanting to see me tonite… mm feels nice id love to relax w a man tonite

  220.  #220Starla on April 2, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Daria, you got rejected from schools?

    I can’t even believe it!

    The woman who replaced me at the legalization organization i used to be a director at just told me that she applied to that same school (as her safety school) and got rejected, but got accepted by a far, far more prestigious school (her pipe dream), and she feels very strongly she got rejected from her safety school cuz of the mj job stuff.

    it probably doesn’t help that we ran a successful referendum with the students at this school to equalize mariju*ana and alcohol penalties on campus. I figured my application would be so compelling that none of that would matter. It’s not SUPPOSED to matter, at least. Everything I did was lawful and organized and big big leadership stuff.

  221.  #221Starla on April 2, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    going to bed to be super present at work tomorrow:)

  222.  #222Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 9:42 pm

    Hello Sirens
    Regarding Rori’s post on 65, WOW. That is very interesting and I’d be curious to try it.

    I’m going to keep it in mind for a rainy day.
    I have to admit it feels very very foreign…even as I read it, I was like whaat I/m supp to ask that???
    But then Im like ahh…doing something DIFFERENT….

  223.  #223siren song on April 2, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    daria, you rock

  224.  #224Daria on April 2, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    thank you Daria

  225.  #225Tiffany on April 2, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    Lizka – I’ve missed most of the drama, or whatever happened with your job. Hope you are doing well!!


  226.  #226Daria on April 2, 2012 at 10:00 pm

    thanks siren song . i really really rock and it feels like whoa ๐Ÿ™‚

  227.  #227GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    #205 Thank you ,Turquoise for your inquiry & your positive feedback ๐Ÿ™‚ I am wallowing in your words bc they all feel so good! My community is experimental & based on honest communication, working w irrational beliefs & emotional triggers etc & other similar pieces. The “leader” is a bit both brilliant & challenged/challenging, as is the case I`ve experienced w all uber wise & unusual people who act in favor of a specific belief or passionate lifework & cause. So being here can be very challenging. We`re developing protocols for both living in community & creating models of relating & communicating that can be used in families, schools, workplaces & in communities at large (hence the reason for some of the many long meetings also there arent many people yet as is typical to many ICs, people dont stay long bc it requires getting a big paradigm shift). We`re also working toward group decision-making rather than having a “leader”, as well as creating land trusts & farm areas, & participating & contributing to alterntive enrgy sources, etc. I have bits of various holistic health & psychology background of many types, and some communication & other background pieces I bring. I love learning about Sirens & their lives, where they come from in life & what thoughts they`re into as well, a lot!

  228.  #228Daria on April 2, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    Starla – being asked that by you felt good like really encouraging that you would be surprised i got rejected from schools..
    i got rejected from Stanford … was my first choice…

    i now look back and wonder if it’s cuz my main application essay was about hating my Town and suburbia and my bf and I’s hypothesis that it’s cuz the resident’s are actually pod people

    mmm this was pre columbine i believe and pre 911 but i am laughing now imagining them thinking … wHOA …. danger…

  229.  #229Tiffany on April 2, 2012 at 10:09 pm


    “Where do you draw the line between feeling your emotions and controlling your emotions?”

    I don’t think feeling your feelings/emotions IS controlling your emotions. It’s just the opposite. I think (at least for me) the problem comes when I TRY To control my emotions. Because the truth is, we cannot always control them, at all. They are kind of like a wild part of nature. We can only control how we *respond* to the emotions we receive. Feeling, them, however, doesn’t have to require any response….does that make sense?

    I’ve only read a few posts on this thread, so maybe someone else said something helpful about that already.

    And by the way, I think your cultural comment in #70 is spot on! I’ve actually heard/read that somewhere. There was a Slate article a while back, basically to that effect – that men can basically be slackers and get all their sexual needs met without needing to commit to anyone. And that’s basically a result of women being able to work and take care of ourselves. So we don’t need men to do that for us. And men aren’t as motivated to commit – unless, I suppose, they are less “good-looking.”

    But I think there are always exceptions to that “rule.” That is just a general trend. There are still lots of good-looking, strong, available men, who really do want a commitment. Maybe it just takes a little something “extra” to get them over the bump of not feeling like they really have to….that’s why we CD, I guess. To make them remember that they have to commit to us if they want to keep us around! ๐Ÿ™‚

  230.  #230Daria on April 2, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Starla – yes the mj stuff. they know they’re not big so you would Literally represent them, and they feel threatened.


    you don’t even need ANY school girl… you ARE wisdom and learning and expansion

    and if u are choosing to congregate with these school people it will work out in a way that will feel transformative and whoa

  231.  #231Tiffany on April 2, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Btw, thanks for all the nice responses from the last thread, everyone!

  232.  #232GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    #212 Daria, I really like what you changed about what you`d said to Starla in your 1st paragraph… bc it felt bfad for you to tell her what she could see. Yeah. And good words flowing from you tonight… and from others, ^ cant post that much to respond to everyone though, so assume yourselves to all all be counted in my appreciation!

  233.  #233Daria on April 2, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    i feel moved like i was feeling unworthy “crumpled” and vulnerable and sad with thoughts expecting attack and instead i got love and hugs and encouragement and i feel trembly and like im unnumbing myself


  234.  #234Daria on April 2, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    Starla – have you read this? his writings were part of our studies at UC Berkeley Literacy Education courses as well as Race and Ethnicity in America’s Schools…

    I’m reading the book now and it feels like whoa… glad i can receive this and shift my paradigms

  235.  #235GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    #228 Daria, residents of your town being pod people etc, oh how I get that! We had a little convo around that today here too, lol. I *love* this comment!! Maybe pod people are those who havent felt their feelings bc they think it`s not okay & it`ll kill them? And so they default to controlling others instead of healing themselves? Either way, we have to choose whether to come out of those pods & into brighter light (Plato`s cave)?

  236.  #236Daria on April 2, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    thanks Ginger Sky i feel acknowledged and encouraged

  237.  #237GingerSky on April 2, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    #186 Daria, a web of amazing beings… no one is less than… & we are amazing & precious beings all, yes… that`s some of the thought I want to go to sleep on. That feels really good… so glad I too got out of my less-than paradigm.

  238.  #238Tiffany on April 2, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    Speaking of CD, I think it’s about time for me to end my “guyatus” now. Of course, I suppose I would have had a dinner date for last Saturday, but I already had plans with a girlfriend. Now I’ll have to wait a bit.

    It’s nice to hear that I’m “sexy” from K, but I also know that he’s not really “relationship material” at the moment. He’s just a big cutie-pie who still likes me. And that feels nice. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Chit-chatting back and forth with OM continues, and it’s civil and friendly, and the messages are short. I keep not expecting to hear from him, and then there he is….

    This morning, I woke up thinking that I was going to write him the message, that I want to have a conversation with him about something, and I feel nervous – I don’t know how to start it – but when might be a good time for him, on the phone, or in person? But that’s the kind of thing I only really think of when I am in an adrenalized half-awake state, and feeling randomly anxious. As soon as my hormones normalized a bit, the urge went away (also, having major PMS this time of month….)

    Tonight, though, when I responded to one of his emails, I practically wrote that I missed him a little. That’s true, I guess. I miss the gchats every day. I miss the phone calls, and the cute pet names. And him wanting to see me and spend time with me, of course.

    But I know he’s just a little bit too much like my dad. Funny how you can go to a wedding with about 200 people there and the guy you like, who also likes you and is talking to, turns out to be the guy in the room who is also probably the most like your dad. (Okay, besides the fact that he’s Indian and my dad is not, lol). He likes photography. He’s both creative and smart and nerdy. He watches documentaries for fun, and loves building things. And even though he’s great at cracking jokes and being silly and making me laugh when I am upset, and that feels good because it diffuses the tension for me, on the other hand, I see now that it was a sign that he was really ill-equipped to handle emotion at all. As soon as he sees an emotion on the horizon, he will do whatever he can to derail it, or head it off, or just plain get it to go away. The thing he can’t do is ACKNOWLEDGE it, talk about it. Forget about understanding it. He doesn’t want to. All he wants is for the scary emotion to GO AWAY.

    And I’m not making a judgment here. I am just saying that that his very much how my dad is. For most of my life, I though my dad was GREAT at taking care of me, emotionally, because he would let me cry sometimes for no reason, and he always seemed to understand. But he would also joke my feelings away. And when it comes to emotions that have to do with relationship, he simply can’t deal, can’t talk about it, can’t understand. He is inept in that regard. Kind of like a missing limb or something.

    My mom thinks he has Asperger’s, and he might. In fact, I’ve wondered if I have a little bit of it, too. But even if I do, then, just like him, whatever I have is “normal” for me. My sensitivity is normal for me. My being a woman is normal for me (I know, that sounds random. Sometimes I think I am just self-conscious of the fact that I’m a woman, as if that were somehow not okay. And I don’t know where that comes from. But I know that having my period makes me feel very uncomfortable and “wrong” – and I’m sure I’m not the only one….) My being introverted is normal for me. I “feel” like there is something wrong. But really there is nothing wrong. I only am who I am.

    And some man – maybe even the orchid man, maybe some other man – loves me, or wants to love me, just as I am. If only I opened up, relaxed, became vulnerable without shutting down, without shutting him out…I wonder what that would be like? I wonder if I shut OM out, and that’s why he closed down, too? I wonder if he is really incapable of interacting with emotions, or if it’s just that he is a guy, and the job of feeling the emotions is mine. His job is to think, to solve, to fix. So what if maybe he had the wrong tactic? Maybe it was the right tactic – to him, at that time, at least?

    I feel so tense, and that’s all coming from me. It all feels better when I relax.

    I gotta stop thinking about OM…there are so many other guys out there that I can date!!

  239.  #239Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    217 yay Daria

    ๐Ÿ™‚ I have learned that men can be so “forgiving”…

    I decided to do something different for myself…and not RUN from feelings/fears…so I called NewCD….

    I called becuz woke up today and realized really waht happend was I shut him down and didn’t give him a chance to redeem himself the other day for the details about our date…with the texting stuff back and forth and I got annoyed….

    I thought OMG Emerson you’re kind of a b&tch! And you are cheating yourself. Why are you throwing him away…he wants to meet you and you want to meet him.

    So I called him, he answered and was really really nice like nothing happened. ๐Ÿ™‚ I told him sorry about the other day I feel really frustrated texting back and forth sometimes and I reacted. he was like oh ok no worries, ….hee hee LOL

    It felt so nice talking to him ๐Ÿ™‚ And I feel better and not like I compromised or leaned forward too much.
    I think I was being too rigid and reactive and I wanted to change that.

    He’s trying to plan another date with me even tho our schedules are a bit crazy.

  240.  #240Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Regarding this article about love addiction…
    In teh past, I’ve taken online quizzed for it and I have some/quite a few of the traits…got me thinking and FEELING…and on a growth path.

  241.  #241Daria on April 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    Gingersky – ๐Ÿ™‚ when i read of Plato’s cave … i thought of psychedelic mushrooms lol… ๐Ÿ™‚ and it felt fun

    im writing this and remembering what plato’s cave was about… the psychedelic mushroom vision felt more fun though ๐Ÿ™‚

  242.  #242Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    112 (((STARLA))) Aww man…I’m sorry. You will end up exactly where you are supposed to be, I truly believe that. Smart girl ๐Ÿ™‚

    I love your insights about being soft and communicative, it is so helpful to think about and so positive and non defensive. I’m very defensive sometimes.

  243.  #243Daria on April 2, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    i have shifted. im not leaning forward with men, even in my vibe.

    i can feel it. im not stressed to get them to pick a time to see me,

    or… stressed that i dont have a date

    or… worried that im losing out on life

    or that im not cool

    ive healed my loneliness

    go #teamhealloneliness

  244.  #244Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    239 I meant I was being too rigid and reactive the other day…the phone convo today was not like that at all. Sorry NewCD for being a diva as I learn how to be a Siren (softer than a diva not harsh and demanding)…
    I kept the convo short, and kept reminding myself that “explaining” is “controlling” and just kept it short and simple and feeling messages. Then I kinda felt akward talking to him cuz I odn’t know him and it’s always akward at first for me… ๐Ÿ™„
    Gah Emerson it’s ok!!!!!!!!

    Also I’ve been missing Recycled and feeling all AWW toward him…..I know I said this before but what I said to him prob left him nowhere to go with me…I toldhim I don’t want to spend time with men seeking friendship but maybe that is all he can handle, in which case HE IS NOT FOR ME.

    Still hurts tho…and Imiss him….and I don’t even know if any of that is even true and I should be focusing on me and my feelings and sirenyness instead…

    Yay me.

    It’s ok Recycled I still care about you and want you to be happy…I haven’t thrown you away or forgotten you….I still love you tons and sending a silent wave hello with my energy….

  245.  #245Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 11:05 pm

    Aww it feels good to be soft toward NewCD and Recycled…not just acting soft but feeling soft and all awww…..
    Silly guys and sweet men…want me to love them and are desperate for an emotional connection…they are learning and searching too…

    I do want to connect to their hearts and share my heart with them…a safe pool of gold for them to dive into…men have feelings too just like us…remember that Emerson…they need to connect too…

  246.  #246Daria on April 2, 2012 at 11:06 pm

    hehe a CD wants to fly me out for the weekend to Phoenix to see a comic perform… ๐Ÿ™‚

  247.  #247Daria on April 2, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    lol he doesnt want to “waste money on hotel room”


    wow i feel mad

    and turned off and disappointed.

    and amused and happy

    and so relaxed ๐Ÿ™‚

    “5: just let me know
    dgirl: sure i would feel open to that
    5: really so u would let me fly u out this weekend for the show
    5: thats awesome
    5: i think that would be a greak weekend together
    5: r u positive?
    5: well u can fly out friday or thursday night and leave sunday or monday its up to u
    dgirl: as long as i would have my own hotel room and return tickets id feel open to the adventure
    dgirl: hehe
    5: i can look at tickets tomorrow at work
    5: well u will have ur own return ticket…but since i dont live in phx we would prob. share a room but we can have sep beds
    5: i mean it would be more expensive for me to get ur ticket and two hotel rooms and the show u know
    dgirl: mm no i wouldnt feel comfortable with that
    5: ok sorry i just dont want to spend money for no reason u know…its just a place to sleep
    dgirl: that feels bad
    5: thats an extra 300 dollars u know
    5: we wouldnt even b in the room much u know
    dgirl: i don’t feel good when a man’s not generous with me
    dgirl: and i really dont feel comfortable to share a room with a man i dont know well
    dgirl: esp out of state and for more than one nite
    5: ok it was just an idea bc i was going this weekend…..i will plan something to come see u when i can…it was just something i thought would b a good idea
    5: its no big deal i can respest the room thing
    dgirl: okay
    dgirl: yeah i feel disappointed
    dgirl: and kinda mad
    5: its ok…dont b pretty lady
    5: i do understand the room thing and i wont pressure u to come
    5: i should b able to fly out there at the end of the month
    5: i just thought u would like the show thats why i brought it up
    5: didnt mean to make u mad

  248.  #248Daria on April 2, 2012 at 11:21 pm

    thats the first time i took a babystep to sahy that “i dont feel good when a man’s not generous with me”

    it felst scary. i dont want to come off closed/blamy

    i feel empowered too

    i want to check Rori’s script on that, where she says oh wow i feel good when a man’s generous what do you think?


  249.  #249Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Wow Daria I am impressed by your words ๐Ÿ™‚

  250.  #250Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    Aww I like that

    “I feel good when a man is generous”

  251.  #251Emerson on April 2, 2012 at 11:27 pm

    I am wondering about recycled and what he thinks after I sent that text about friendship…..
    He never replied. Did I shut him down?

    Yes I am still processing this…I want to learn from it.

    I want a relationship and I want to learn how to do that. Not run. Not shut down. Not say hhmmppphh pppffffttt.ttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  252.  #252Silver Moonbeam on April 3, 2012 at 12:53 am

    Just finished catching up.

    Lots of Sirens “in the soup” last night, hoping all turns out feeling better sooner rather than later. ๐Ÿ™‚

    FW I am sorry to hear about your dad, hoping he gets better soon.

    BW did you have the talk yet about the overseas trip?

    Brenda you are unusually quiet lol!!

    SLV where are you and all the other Sirens MIA??

    Turquoise, I hope this man is not a big disappointment to you, you are doing well trying to stay detached and not get swept along with it all, no expectations right? OMG I have been there so many times with these men on dating sites. Did you ask him how old his main profile photo was? I know I should have asked a few of them………….

    Starla – I’m so sorry to hear about your Uni rejection, next!!

    Not much happening for me, I changed my age settings on POF, man that was hard to find!! Now I barely have anybody contacting me……….all too young and too old ‘uns banished………

  253.  #253Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:53 am

    Was thinking to write to him that I don’t like no contact and I saw him logged to the dating site, so it’s not the relationship I am looking for and I too will date other men.

  254.  #254Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:14 am

    I feel that sometimes sirens are so tough on me. I appreciate the support, but then if I feel bad again I get all this ‘you are too nice’ for him, you were overfunctioning, of course he left you, he couldn’t possibly fall for you. I say we had an agreement about exclusivity and then someone says you probably just expressed that YOU will be exclusive lol.

    I don’t know what to say. ‘Too nice’ for being who I am, having certain moral values, responding with kindness? That feels diminishing. I don’t want to accept this. I know I am hurting from what happened with him, but this is just adding salt to the wound, really. How about him being non-committal and betraying my trust? How about him instead of looking me in the eyes and saying I am not ready, I want to play the field, I changed my mind going silent on me – it’s hard to respect this, at least for me.

    Yes, I know that with his ex who wasn’t nice to him, who was fighting with him all the time he spent yeas and years and this just feels awful.

    I keep on reminding myself – this is not my life. Focus on me, I need to get out of his bubble – these words feel so right and I can do it, need to do it fast.

  255.  #255Silver Moonbeam on April 3, 2012 at 2:17 am

    #171 Turquoise

    My mantra before meeting a CD for first time

    It’s just a cup of coffee (or a drink)
    It’s just like meeting a friend
    No expectations

  256.  #256Femininewoman on April 3, 2012 at 2:24 am

    Memulo his ex seems to create drama, he might be attracted to women who do that.

  257.  #257Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 3:26 am


    Right, who knows. It’s funny how this site is all about not creating drama and yes there are men who fall for this. Or the site is all about leaning back and accepting courtship, but then there is CF who has a hard time coping with this.

  258.  #258Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 3:28 am

    Actually when I didn’t respond/call back or was slow to respond he ran miles to fix it. Now that I think about it.

    Ok, so in this situation it makes sense to lean forward and say something?

  259.  #259Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 3:30 am

    Though actually only 2 weeks ago he called me ‘so cool’.

    I lost 4 pounds since Sunday and I eat fine! Yay SmartCD is helping me to look prettier for the next man lol.

  260.  #260Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Maybe something happened and I should call him??

  261.  #261Siren Angel on April 3, 2012 at 4:58 am

    Memulo, i am so sorry about SmartCD. However, if you want him back it is possible. You need to lean back. I have learned the logging in to the dating site can mean they are just keeping ‘one foot in the door’ before they commit. I have not been keeping up with the blog so maybe i am missing some info and I am writing from my blackberry. Men’s’relationship tempo is much longer than women’s.

  262.  #262Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Good morning Sirens,

    I got some much needed rest and feel much better this morning. No more freaking out. It’s just a date, I’ll be fine, taking this week one day at a time, which is my usual anyways. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I feel good that I got up, cleaned up my kitchen and did some laundry.

    I only have a few min. to catch up on the blog, but hope everyone has a beautiful day!

  263.  #263Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Emerson – I like what you are writing about!! I like it a lot.

  264.  #264Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Siren Angel,

    It feels wonderful to hear from you. Sorry the occasion could be happier lol. How are you doing? What’s happening with you?

    Thank you, your advice is very comforting. what happened is that we had a really close warm date but now is day 4 of no contact, I have not heard from him since.

  265.  #265Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:15 am


    Really, it’s just meeting someone new for a couple of hours.. New people are so much fun to meet! Plus the guy is really eager to see you. Couldn’t be better!

  266.  #266Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Memulo, I wouldn’t contact him. I’d go about my life, and focus on myself. Just take it one day at a time.

    It feels to me like you really know you shouldn’t lean forward, or you wouldn’t post it here, because you KNOW we are going to tell you not to! You don’t have a ring on your finger, you don’t need closure, you don’t need to fix it. I know you are disappointed, but divorce is a very stressful thing, and who knows what’s happened in his life since Friday, but he needs to fix it for himself in order to give you the kind of relationship you want.

    A man will do just about anything for a woman he is really into, until we teach him that we’ll put up with and endure, and lean forward when he doesn’t. I am the same way, always nice, forgiving, understanding….. and have been single a long dang time. That is the part that doesn’t feel challenging to them. Several of the guys I’ve dated, have since gotten married, a couple have kids…. with the next woman they dated after me. I know all about being the nice and kind girl. It just unfortunately hasn’t gotten me far in the romance department.

    It’s ok to be a little selfish, focus on you and what makes you happy. You are the most important person in your life!

    Way to go on losing 4 pounds!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  267.  #267Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 5:25 am

    It’s 5:01 a.m., and I am awake, having crampitty cramp cramps on my couch.

    I’ve noticed that when something feels “off” or uncomfortable, or painful in my body, it shows up as words in my head. It is as if the physical pain brings up unresolved emotional pain or issues that I probably never properly dealt with. I start to want to communicate to the people who were involved in whatever the issue has to do with.

    For example, when I woke up at 3 a.m. and the cramps started, I immediately wanted to write a note to A.

    I want to tell him: It feels weird to hear from you, and then you don’t make plans to see me.

    But really I’m just kind of mad, because I would have felt great to see him last weekend when he texted me, but didn’t make plans (he said he might go snowboarding. WTF?!), and now I feel gross, because I have my period and I don’t want to see him. (He had suggested doing something “during the week,” and I said I don’t like to go out on weekdays, which is true.) And I won’t be able to see him for another two weeks, minimum. Although, it could be months before he contacts me again…

    I also went right back into how I want to “talk” to OM. Emerson, thank you for reminding me that “explaining” is “controlling.” I want to “explain” what happened – meaning that I probably want to control something about it.

    But I still feel unresolved about the whole issue. I feel bad and angry that he broke up with me, with no warning, over email. Not even in person. Nobody ever breaks up with me in person anymore. It is always via text, or email. Not even a phone call. No chance for discussion. No acknowledgement that what we did meant anything. Just the opposite. It feels so bad.

    But even though I want to “resolve” it, I am concentrating on leaving that package open. Leaving the ribbon untied, and even loosening the paper a little bit. It’s not ready to be “wrapped up.” It wants to rest, and I can take my hands off it, if I choose to.

    I just feel these cramps….it is like my uterus doing somersaults inside my pelvis. Moving around and being in my body helps. When I get into my body, the thoughts disappear, and then I realize that I was “in my head.”

    I think I might have an obsessive disorder. (No one here is surprised by that, right?? lol) No, really. I was listening to a radio program the other day – at a time when I don’t normally listen to the radio – and I just happened to turn it on in the middle of a discussion about OCD. I actually asked a therapist once if she thought I had OCD, and she said no, definitely not. But I don’t think that necessarily means anything. Because the program was about how the disorder is very often misunderstood, and sometimes overlooked. And there is also a version of it, called “Pure-O.” Basically, just the “O” without the “C.” Most people think OCD means you wash your hands or “check” things constantly. But it can also mean that you irrationally think yourself in circles about unproductive topics. Hm…sound familiar? lol I know I do this – A LOT. And in some ways, it’s just human. We all do it a little. I guess it gets to be a “disorder” when it interrupts your life and prevents you from enjoying and participating in relationships. Which is pretty much what I think it is doing for me.

    It felt kind of good to recognize myself in this way. I self-diagnose a lot, but this idea really seemed to fit. Even if I never get a confirmation from a doctor or psychiatrist, I still feel like this explanation of my behavior makes sense to me, and just thinking about that, eases the pain and loneliness, just a little bit. And that feels nice. ๐Ÿ™‚

    However, it *would* feel good to be treated for it sometime, I think. Well, it might not feel good at all. But I wonder if it would help, and I wonder if it would improve how I live and my relationships and my experience of life. I just wish that I had a health insurance plan that would cover it…:( I don’t want to treat it “away,” though. Sometimes, my obsession can be a good thing! When it’s put to good use. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  268.  #268Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 5:25 am

    Silver Moonbeam, after he sent me the blurry, picture where he looks big and like he has a mustache, (he doesn’t) I did ask how old his profile pictures are. He said a little over a year. THose are head shots though, can’t see his body…. so a few extra pounds may be a lot of pounds.

    It’s just a date. It’s practice. It’s going to be fun to get out. Hopefully it will give me something else to focus on this weekend while C is in town. Maybe it will improve my vibe.

    And maybe my prince charming isn’t going to look the way I imagined like Rori and Dominique said. I might not look like his dream girl either. I know I’m not perfect.

    Ok. have to rush and get out the door to work….. LOVE this blog though and wish I could stay home today to drink tea, chat on the blog, decorate my home and pamper myself. Off on Friday…. whoo hoo for a 3 day weekend!!!!!

  269.  #269Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Who was the siren on here who said she is a personal stylist, or something like that – am I remembering correctly? Starla, was that you, or someone else?

  270.  #270Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Thank you Turquoise-) Good luck on your date!!

    Felt a little sad that since I was all these things – nice, kind, considerate, maybe I lost it for sure? Well can’t do much about it now.

    Just got an email from EMK. Here is what he says men crave (just quoting a few lines from his email):

    ‘Men want freedom.
    Men want excitement.
    Men want a challenge.
    Men want to be accepted.
    Men want to be left alone.
    Men want to not have to explain themselves.’

    That’s pretty clear, thank you EMK ๐Ÿ˜‰

  271.  #271Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:36 am

    Tiffany, I think it was Coco. Starla does statistical research as far as I know.

  272.  #272Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Hi Tiffany!!

    Don’t worry about my job, there is no “drama”. I actually quit yesterday because I foud something (better I hope) else!

    Hi Siren Angel! Long time I haven’t see you here!!!

    Hello Turquoise! I’m happy you’re not freakig out about the date. It’s onlg practice after, you have to focus on that. When is the date? Tonight?

    Good morning everyone!!!

  273.  #273Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 5:48 am

    And HELLO DAY 15!!!!

    I feel so excited to see you!!! Wow 15 days of perfection!!!

    So many things to dotoday I don’t think I’m gonna have time to think ofeaning forward again. I am just waking up, I’m gonna get ready and go downtown to have lunch with ex collegues. They have organize it for me. Awww I feel lile it’s my birthday!! Than I’m gonna have a loooong shopping session and will pass by the spa to reserve and than come back home to do my jogging.

    Tonight I’m going to relax, and maybe pedicure my poor feet who really need it. They’re all sad and white, they need some love. ๐Ÿ™‚

  274.  #274Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:51 am

    I just tried on a new top that I got a while ago but couldn’t wear because I was too fat! Now it fits perfectly, even a little too big. I will look so nice in it ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Lizka you sound great! Enjoy your day.

  275.  #275Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Thanks Memulo!

    I’m happy for you that you lost weight! I wish Incould be serious about it too ๐Ÿ™‚

  276.  #276Silver Moonbeam on April 3, 2012 at 6:02 am

    Turquoise, wow you only get a 3 day weekend? I just checked on Google and I see that is not compulsory even in all states!!!

    Here in the UK we get Good Friday and Easter Monday as compulsory holidays so it’s a 4 day break for us and Australia too!!!!!

  277.  #277Starla on April 3, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Maybe I should purchase some coaching with Rori. I have the money now since i’m not hoarding it for school. because i feel like CF has taken my request to see him more and turned it into a power struggle. it would feel good to talk about what kind of relationship each of us wants, yes, but he has completely checked out until i agree to compromise, and even though things aren’t perfect, i need my man to be there for me… we worked hard together on my admissions essay and he was so supportive, and he was the only one who really understood how much it meant to me to go. and now i’m not more important than some businessy email about compromise

  278.  #278Starla on April 3, 2012 at 6:06 am

    it’s not necessarily true that’s it not more important, but i have a feeling i shouldn’t call him and tell him because he doesn’t care enough about me anymore to say “hey i’ll be right down tonight to hang out with you, i’m so sorry you got rejected from your dream”

  279.  #279Luzydel on April 3, 2012 at 6:25 am

    I am addicted to loosers; I have the opportunity to date an amazing man, good job, decent, educated, willing to give me anything; And I feel like running away, then I meet a looser (a very obvious one) that just wants me for sex, is fake, superficial, dumb, that will obviously hurt me, a fixer upper man! and there I am trying to fix it, addicted to the crumbs he gives me, filled with addicting emotions and suffering. Ugh!

  280.  #280Femininewoman on April 3, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Memulo Rori has written an article about the kind of man that likes drama. One thing I learned from it is to look at the ex. See what she did to keep him hooked and how much he seems to talk about her.

    Also when we are nice guys can “feel” what is happening under the surface with us. That know that we are being superficial. And many times they are scared of what will happen if we actual get angry because we have never showed that side of us.

  281.  #281Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Good morning Sirens ๐Ÿ™‚

    Starla…that sounds like a good idea…I feel happy Rori responded to your posts.

    Luzydel…at least you are seeing this pattern and you aren’t falling for it. yes you may be more engaged but that is totally different than being unconscious of it ๐Ÿ™‚ yay for you!!!

  282.  #282Femininewoman on April 3, 2012 at 6:40 am

    RE 253 Memulo I don’t believe I would write that to him. Maybe if he come towards me again I might use the opportunity to tell him that but my experience have taught me not to. I have done it in the past and caused the guy to shrivel up and withdraw again. Now I just accept that men are entitled to do what they want in their lives and have become a strong believer in cdating. I want a relationship, not any one particular man. That concept has been so freeing for me and it has allowed me to carve out in my psyche the kind of relationship I want.

  283.  #283blue rose on April 3, 2012 at 6:40 am


    what a rotten day.

    about CF, i was thinking maybe you could ask him what his fantasy is of your relationship, what did he imagine it would look like when he moved away, because he mentioned that what you have is different from that. i also wonder what his definition is of chasing, because he actually sounds like he loves it, so maybe you two have different definitions. And he means something different. again, his expectations are not clear from that email.

    about school: people get rejected. and the more education you get, the more you will be rejected. i’m at a point in my life where no one i work with has not been rejected several times in their life. my mom made me save my rejection letters so that one day when these places ask me to work there, i can throw the letters back at them ๐Ÿ™‚ i wouldn’t do it, but it’s a funny thought.

    i was trying to find who said “Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.”
    and they said Confucius, but other authors have been given credit as well.

    and i found this website. i hope you read some of these ๐Ÿ™‚

    it’s important to be rejected, it gives character. i would know ๐Ÿ™‚

  284.  #284Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Turquoise…thank you darling! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I know it is crazy what has happened in a year!! I was thinking just recently of all the sirens that have come and gone and what makes some of us stay. I love this blog and the community.

    I have not talked to Pipeliner in a long time. Since October I think. I sometimes wonder what he is up to but I have no feelings of “what if”. Hotpilot moved to Denver.

    I hope you can enjoy your date with Mr. Eager ๐Ÿ˜‰

  285.  #285Butterfly Wings on April 3, 2012 at 6:47 am

    86 Emoticon – I have a gratitude app on my phone and my ipad. I LOVE it!

    I also have a handwritten one. I really should use the more, so thank you so much for the reminder!


  286.  #286Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Daria @243 awesome!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  287.  #287Butterfly Wings on April 3, 2012 at 6:50 am

    112 Starla – I’m so sorry to hear that. But I realise that often these things are blessings in disguise, so I hope something fantastic happens for you soon.


  288.  #288Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 6:50 am


  289.  #289Femininewoman on April 3, 2012 at 6:51 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    In order to heal and get over someone we must release the hope of a future with them.

    “Hope is the first thing that comes into a relationship, and it is the last thing that leaves us when it doesn’t work out. Releasing hope gives your heart the space to mourn the relationship so you can heal and move on. When we hang on to hope at the end of a relationship, we are prolonging the pain of the break up. Take time to mourn, feel your feelings, and allow hope to die. Only then can hope be born again in a new relationship.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew

  290.  #290Starla on April 3, 2012 at 6:58 am

    i can’t stop crying this morning and i have a nasty migraine coming on and i feel so much stress in my little body and i need to leave for work in 15 minutes and i feel super duper alone and i feel not good enough for CF’s comfort just because something is unresolved between us right now and i kind of hate him for it. not that i even told him the news yet.

  291.  #291Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 7:00 am


  292.  #292Butterfly Wings on April 3, 2012 at 7:02 am

    FW, I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you. In the last thread you said:

    “BW I am wondering of some of Michael Fioreโ€™s texting stuff could help while he is away? My thought is that if things are really good between you two and you are stuck in his head in a way that he canโ€™t get rid of he will be so longing to get back home that a woman would not be able to entice him that much. Look for ways to make an imprint on him, your voice, your perfume, your touch etc.”

    This has made a HUGE difference to my mindset and that’s exactly what I’m going to take on board!

    The thing is, I KNOW he wouldn’t go there with one of those Thai girls. Even in a strip club the strippers don’t really do it for him. We went there with friends and although he didn’t mind the view, he definitely wasn’t turned on by it all. He even said that he’d never paid for a lap dance and never intended to because it did nothing for him.

    So I’m just going to lean back and be the kind of woman he cannot resist and can’t wait to see again! ๐Ÿ™‚

    And so far so good! We’ve had a fantastic day today and I feel so reassured and happy now. Phew!

    Thank you sooo much FW!!!!


  293.  #293rashmi on April 3, 2012 at 7:05 am

    all i want to say is, Rori, love u for wht you are doing. ๐Ÿ™‚ God Bless you. tonnes of hugs and love. ๐Ÿ™‚

  294.  #294Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 7:05 am


    Thank you, I appreciate it. I need help and support, I feel so happy and grateful that you are offering it and so does everyone else here.

    Reading #280, I hear you. Perhaps it’s too late for that and I really don’t know what’s right or wrong, but I vote for myself. With all my heart I vote for myself.

  295.  #295Luzydel on April 3, 2012 at 7:07 am

    SO I am here stalking “S” FB profile, he has no job so he is constantly posting, he is someone who seems trashy (I know I am being negative) lol; but I m so different than her. I am clean cut ,sweet girl next door look, she has earings everywhere, and seem a little bit hard core. He doesn’t even has tattoos on him! Well I guess I wasn’t edgy enough for him and I know I can do so much better, but I still feel anger.

    My anger comes from, me accepting every single defect he had and then he still did not want to continue, then he wanted me to use me to his advantage….

    I am learning that I am not mean or superficial if I tell someone I cannot accept certain things about them… talking to a guy not and when he told me he likes to go to church I felt turned off… not because he goes to church, but because I am not a church type of woman, and I don’t want to talk about religion…

  296.  #296Butterfly Wings on April 3, 2012 at 7:10 am

    268 Turquoise – TH is/was obese! And while I’ve never ruled obese men out, I’ve never been attracted either. I wasn’t even attracted to TH in the beginning.

    Mind you’d he’s lost over 30kg in the last few months and is starting to look really good (he makes me go to the gym with him almost every night! lol) so he’ll just be one very solid young man before long!

    But it’s not what he looks like that I’m attracted to – it’s his generous nature and intelligent conversation mostly. And probably other stuff too…. sigh….! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m glad you’re staying open to this guy – you just never know! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  297.  #297Starla on April 3, 2012 at 7:13 am

    sorry i’ve been bringing mostly sadness to the blog. blah

  298.  #298Starla on April 3, 2012 at 7:16 am

    ok going to work:)

  299.  #299Butterfly Wings on April 3, 2012 at 7:20 am

    No need to apologise Starla.

    I think we’ve all been stuck in a pit at some point before and used the blog to “let it all out”. So keep doing that – it’ll definitely help, as those before you have experienced!


  300.  #300Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Does anyone on the blog do permanent cosmetics?? particularly eyebrows??

  301.  #301Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Well, my cramps feel a little better. I put on my comfy robe and got out a blanket and squishy pillow, and was able to get some sleep on the couch. After a bit, the voices (and my uterus) seemed to quiet down a bit. My kitty even cuddled with me a little. : )

    I am always afraid that a man will not understand what I’m going through when I have my period. He probably won’t. I am afraid that he’ll be afraid. I am afraid he will think I am “weird” or that I’m not “tough” because it affects me so deeply. But actually I AM tough – BECAUSE it affects me so deeply. That’s what he probably won’t understand. Because he’s a man. And to a man, “tough” means something different than it does for a woman….

  302.  #302Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Lizka – I’m glad you found something better! Yay! I guess your company won’t be bringing me to Toronto anytime soon then. ๐Ÿ˜‰ But maybe I’ll get there another way. Who knows. I don’t feel quite ready to leave the Bay Area yet. I’m still just getting started with some projects, and I don’t think now is the right time to uproot myself and go…I still like the idea of living in Canada, though! And I know I’ll have at least one or two friends in Toronto ๐Ÿ˜‰

  303.  #303Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 7:52 am


    I wouldn’t worry about a man not being understanding…infact almost every man I’ve ever dated or worked with has been understanding.

  304.  #304Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Jilly – I don’t do much of anything with eyebrows. Except massage them. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I know a few estheticians, though! They might know something about permanent cosmetics. I don’t know if any of them do it personally….

  305.  #305GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 7:55 am

    #300 Tiffany Oh, i had such **horrible** cramps when i was younger. I hate that youre going thru that! xox! I`d very much love to talk on this with you if you would email me: My heart is with you… and a good man will understand & care – and help.

  306.  #306Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 7:55 am

    and I hope you feel better…I get really bad cramps too.

  307.  #307Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Aw – thanks, Jilly. You’re probably right. I guess maybe the fear that they won’t is bigger than the truth that they do understand, more than I give them credit for. Thank you for that. That felt good to read…

  308.  #308Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 8:00 am

    the first day is always the worst!

    thanks, Ginger! I might have to make a Siren email ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Also, I remember now – I think Starla is the linguist, am I right? And Starla, sorry to hear you didn’t get into the school.:( Are there other schools you can apply to? I suppose it would take more time. But if it’s your dream, and you really want to pursue it, then one school not taking you isn’t the end of the dream. It’s just a challenge to find a school that suits you better. ๐Ÿ™‚ Kind of like dating – a little, bit, I guess…

    And I SOoo know what you are feeling with CF. : (


  309.  #309Tiffany on April 3, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Speaking of dreams, I am wondering who the stylist on the blog is, because I suddenly realized that I want to be a stylist myself, and it’s within my reach. I’m not planning to give up massage, or anything that I’m doing right now. I just want to explore it and see what happens. I want to do something FUN that feels like ME, and this just feels right – even though I haven’t done it yet. But I have some good experience that will back this up, and so far, everyone I’ve talked to has give me some great ideas.

    Would love to hear more from someone who does it for a living!


  310.  #310GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 8:04 am

    #296 Starla, i personally feel great about you saying whatever`s up for you on the blog, seriously. I welcome your whole self here, and in fact, you`re saying a lot of things that I`m feeling too, and that helps me *hugely*. I encourage you to look at why you feel guilty or whatever about being you & feeling what you feel… all that`s happening for you probably is that old hurts, fears & so on are coming *up* so you can clear them & lighten your load in life! Don`t stop now! Let it all out I`d so love do a session with you in person if you were near me. I love all your sad feelings & your angst & upset, I love it all. Big hugs. You are loved – all of you:)

  311.  #311Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Starla…I really didn’t DO anything to get my hormones balanced. I just feel more balanced all the way around.

    There was a stage in my life where I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me. And it made me feel even more anxious. I feel sure that just being more relaxed about life and not trying to “make” things happen in any area has really helped me. And not being a firefighter anymore…getting enough sleep, eating better food, less stress…yes I think it all adds up for me ๐Ÿ™‚

    I wish I had some “process” I did…but I don’t.

  312.  #312GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 8:10 am

    And Starla, sometimes when all that sadness happens in life & it brings up the old unhealed parts of us, it`s a *lot*. That can feel frightening or discouraging or make us feel we`re overwhelming everybody. It just feels that way, & people who can walk that road with you won`t feel overwhelmed by it at all. They know the road.

  313.  #313GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 8:20 am

    #300 Tiffany I love what you said about toughness being a different thing in the eyes of a man than it is for a woman. This is a profound thing for me, and has come up in relationships, esp w NSM. I could write a book on this… how men who do understand are so different fundamentally from men who don`t. I have a new woman friend who`d wanna write on this too. And it makes me think of The Vagina Monologues (my boy housemate`s gf was in the play recently. I love that play! It`s been a bit of a topic around here lately.) I want men to understand who we are as women and to get it & see how tough we are in our woman-ness & what that`s like for us. I want us to understand & get the same about them. Oh, ho happy that makes me feel to think about!

  314.  #314GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Lol, I of course meant “how happy” that makes me feel. Kind of a meaningful pun tho ๐Ÿ˜‰

  315.  #315GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 8:25 am

    #310 Jilly, you were a firefighter!? Wow. I guess I forgot that.

  316.  #316starlight-32 on April 3, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Hi, i’ve been told to re-post here as the thread i posted in was a lil old…

    Thanks Bonnie, iโ€™m just starting the circular dating and i understand changing habits itโ€™s not always easy, iโ€™m just so used to talking how i want which is in a give and receive format.

    Its just iโ€™m not finding much info on how to have a general convo via mail before the initial phone call or date.

    itโ€™s just basic things like if a man says โ€˜hi, hows you?โ€™ iโ€™m i allowed to say โ€˜i feel great thanks, how are you?โ€™

    or just โ€˜iโ€™m feeling great here laying on my soft cosy bedโ€ฆ.โ€™

    or questions like โ€˜whats your ideal match?โ€™

    Do i say โ€˜i feel i need someone loving, ambitious, thatโ€™s emotionally available and ready for a serious relationshipโ€™

    or just say โ€˜i feel when i meet him i will knowโ€ฆโ€™

    I think maybe i should just write down some things to say, i know iโ€™m gonna make mistakes,i just wanna feel a little prepared, until i get used to this new way of dating.

    ohhhh another thing what about if men ask me if iโ€™ve been on many dates before or personal questions like that do i just answer, if i feel ok to or do i just say i donโ€™t feel comfortable answering that question? to me the shorter answer always seem cold and uninterestedโ€ฆ.i suppose iโ€™m supposed to be leaning back but i still want to seem like iโ€™m interested in them also because i am i wanna know moreโ€ฆhow will i know there right for me if i donโ€™t ask questions? its quite easy for some men to ask all about you and never reveal much about themselves.

    But most importantly with online datingโ€ฆ is it ok to see a profile of someone you like and make first contact?? or send a wink or let that person know your interested in getting to know them?

    Do i HAVE to date guys iโ€™m not attracted to (please say no lol) i get so many of them. Ones i know i wouldnโ€™t wanna kiss or hold hands with, much less anything elseโ€ฆ.i donโ€™t even wanna respond to there mail… just being honestโ€ฆ

  317.  #317starlight-32 on April 3, 2012 at 8:32 am

    Is there a blog here with success stories of women actually using this technique and getting a serious commitment or married??

  318.  #318Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 8:32 am

    GingerSky…yep ๐Ÿ™‚

  319.  #319Brenda on April 3, 2012 at 8:40 am


    RE; #252 – Hey, thanks for thinking of me! I have been getting back in the groove of my life after being at the conference. Yesterday I just took it easy, a day of rest.

    Today, I am working on getting my life re-organized, and regaining balance. I’ve been majoring in emotional stuff again, and I need to keep a balance of spiritual, intellectual, physical, financial, and household, Mom, and all that takes time.

    But I’m feeling good, and I am right where I need to be! I’m going to the wharf almost every day now that it’s spring. It is about a half mile from my house, and I love to walk out over the water and just take it all in! Wind, water, and an awesome view of the tip of the Chesapeake Bay!

  320.  #320Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Starla really shouldn’t apologize for bringing sadness to the blog. I am doing it much more. I feel truly terrible ๐Ÿ˜‰

  321.  #321Starla on April 3, 2012 at 8:44 am


  322.  #322Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 8:45 am


    Welcome!!! You will love it here ๐Ÿ™‚

    and in my experience men LOVE the softness, warmth, openness and vulnerability that comes through our vibes ๐Ÿ™‚

  323.  #323Brenda on April 3, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Starlight 32,

    Welcome! This blog is full of success stories, this one and that one marrying! But they are all mixed in! I have been listening to Rori for 3 years, and on the blog for 2 years. It is some really awesome stuff and awesome women! I have learned so much; gained so much healing; and learned so much quality relational skills that will serve me for the rest of my life in all my relationships!

    When a man asks an invasive question, I answer from the heart, “I would feel more comfortable to answer that after I get to know you better.”

    I try to keep it brief on email and phone before meeting. If it drags on and on, inevitably, it gets weird. I get in touch with how I really feel inside, and then do my best to express it by saying, “I feel …”

    There is an endless supply of material contained within the filed blogs on the right bar of this, and it takes time to search them out. And I highly recommend Rori’s programs!

    Targeting Mr. Right is probably a good one for the details of Circular Dating.

  324.  #324Brenda on April 3, 2012 at 9:03 am


    RE: #269 – Coco Kisses is a personal stylist. Not sure if your question was long since answered.

  325.  #325light heart on April 3, 2012 at 9:20 am

    76 Iamabutterfly

    “Iโ€™ve been majorly outgirling Jack CD, and am starting to wonder if he IS a girl.”

    In fifty years, we’ll all be chicks.

    light heart

  326.  #326starlight-32 on April 3, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Thanks Brenda, i’m gonna go have a look, maybe i got the wrong program? I have love scripts for dating, i mean there is some useful info and it does cover most scenario’s but i thought it would have step by step guidance on how to conversate during dating in every situation. i.e how to have a general chat that’s embedded with questions, how to respond to general topics men ask you about ect its quite easy to forget the goddess in you and get all masculinity when talking about subjects your passionate about, or even just having an opinion, i’m i supposed to act like i don’t have one?

  327.  #327light heart on April 3, 2012 at 9:26 am

    hey Jilly,
    I’ve had permanent eyebrows done.
    I liked them a lot for a long time. It saved
    make up time and they looked nice and
    filled in. Essentially, they are a tattoo,
    and will fade over time, especially due to
    using product, like cleansers, toners, masks,
    etc. and the interaction of the enzymes and
    other chemicals coming into contact with the
    ink. If you are careful to avoid the area when
    using the products, or put vaseline around them,
    they should last for a while. Plus, they charge
    less when you want a touch-up. I am back to
    brow powder at this point. Hope this helps!

    light heart

  328.  #328Starla on April 3, 2012 at 9:29 am

    just cycling through and feeling the anger right now.

    i did text cf and tell him i got rejected from the school yesterday. i will try not to expect him to do anything or be there for me. but at least now he knows why i’m not prioritizing answering his email.

  329.  #329starlight-32 on April 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Hi Jilly, thanks for the welcome xxx

  330.  #330Starla on April 3, 2012 at 9:51 am

    he’s saying sorry and asking what i’m gonna do

    shouldn’t he be here with me? this is so lame.

  331.  #331Starla on April 3, 2012 at 10:14 am

    ugh what a selfish assface. just because we’re in a deep convo about compromise for the last week, i don’t get no support?

  332.  #332Starla on April 3, 2012 at 10:20 am

    ok, i told him in feeling messages that it’s hard to respond to his email when i feel such coldness

  333.  #333Starla on April 3, 2012 at 10:24 am

    i said
    “i want to respond to your email, but i feel like i’ve been left in the dust as your lady who needs hugs and affection, just because we need to talk about something, and i don’t want to feel that way. it feels cold and it’s hard for me to set that aside to respond to you. what do you think?”

    i probably could have done it better but it coulda been worse, lol

  334.  #334Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 10:24 am

    omg…what is a pod person? Pod people–Daria, sounds so fun! Do you live in a Pod? Secluded away from society? Are u permanently green, if you are a pod person? Wow, this must not be a canadian thing….what does it mean?
    That expression made me laugh out loud!
    Guess what everyone! I dumped my Beau!
    And it feels wonderful…sorry sorry, I know that sounds wierd…but Im usually one of those people to try to change the man….oh your lazy, I will help you get motivated and get a job
    Oh your sloppy, I will either bitch at you or I will clean everything myself….Oh your a bad dresser, I will go shopping with you….but I NEVER never just let the men be who they are….so trying to take roris advice…which i find excruciating
    I looked at my Beau and hes so perfect, and pretty, and muscular…cause we go to the gym like 6 days a week, and kind of dumb…lol for my tastes but very good manners and very interested in me….and I thought if he was exactly like he is forever, would I want him to be with me?
    Does he offer me what I want?
    He cant talk about his feelings….hes been cheated on, hurt, divorced twice….lol and he is as tight lipped as a vault…
    not that he doesnt DO a million things that are nice for me ….fill my car with gas, bring me food, sit with me, support me on my exams…hold my hand, very smiley and happy
    and I mean this is a big BUT
    after 5 straight months together, he has never even once said that he likes me
    His words are cold as stone…closed up like a vault….
    I passed my exam everyone, yesterday and I was so happy and he was texting me….asking me if I passed and I did…
    and he said good then I want to come over and F***
    you tonight….NICE EH?
    I felt like his personal whore….(not that there is anything wrong with being a whore but its not my choice and wow….I was pissed)
    THE OLD JESSIE, and the old patterns would have ragged him out and had a big fight but instead I thought, wow
    This is not what I want, but I cant change him, so I leaned back, declined the gym
    declined a visit, told him I felt like your s*** by how you spoke to me and shut off my phone
    I dont care
    I dont want garbage in my life
    I dont want to cry ever over any man
    I was crabby and went to bed crabby
    but I feel good today cause IM FREE
    and IM not letting any crap in to this SPACE of mine anymore
    I plan to go back on POF once I get bored again, probably next weekend and IM NOT TALKING anymore….to him
    Cause hes boring
    and I cant change him
    I cant fight with him
    I cant make him see what I felt and I dont even want to try
    BIG TIME bad vibe
    BAAAAAD and I need protecting
    not him
    I spent a lifetime protecting everyone else and their feelings…too sensitive to even break up with a guy!
    When he asks why??? IM going to tell him

  335.  #335Starla on April 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

    “i know it’s complicated, but i’m not sure how to put it aside to respond to you openly and warmly”

    ok now lean back, starla.

  336.  #336Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 10:28 am

    starla….i wouldnt even answer….silence is a golden tool, it makes them think alot more than if we spell it out to them….thats just my thought, not that I know anything….seriously, try it….its wonderful and such a zen move cause then you dont say stuff when your angry or sad and let them have any power over you!! Lol
    its a decision…to not respond and sometimes a gentle way to say ASSFACE
    I like that word….
    is he one of those POD PEOPLE TOO?

  337.  #337lk on April 3, 2012 at 10:30 am

    well…. magically all my brain-drama melted & i felt amazed by the time i walked in the door… & CD was grinning & the fire was lit… & he was all clean & fresh-looking : ))) & he cuddled me & warmed me up after the long day…… & somehow… i forget… there was a mention of the Discord from the evening before, but all i said was, “baby, communication is SO important to me & i feel so amazing when you tell me everything you think, ok ?” & i know he doesn’t think i’m cr8zy. & i don’t have to drag him around behind me, punishing him : ) & also we will “solve” this problem… i sense the solution really close by actually & developing ! i got it Big last night a few times while we were out : )))

    then he drove us on an adventure… & then we were running errands at target & he said, you want anything, baby ? & i said, i want some underwear : ) & he said from target ? & i said, well since we’re already here… & then we literally just turned the corner & were in a mall ! & i was like, ohhh ok we could go somewhere fun : ) & the first store we passed was this cr8zy store where everything was cr8zy-cheap & fun & sexxxy : ) & i bought like 12 things for $50 ! & we bought a fun movie & got some soda pop lol

    & then we got home & i said actually i want to take a quick shower will you make me a drink & cue up the movie…. & he came in while i was trying on this new cute pair of boyshort underwear that look like denim shorts with hot pink stitching (LOL – because i asked cd to pick out some things & he has the most hilarious taste in lingerie !!! so much fun actually, as i now own some really cute things that i never ever ever would have chosen for myself… lol, see above) & we both got in the shower together with our drinks : ))) we ran the water away from us so it was all steamy & i was still wearing the shorts & i was all sexxxy feeling, all oiled up lol to heal my poor dry skin : ) & we were just chilling, making out… felt like on vacation : ) & then we made really silly food & kissed & cuddled & watched “diary of a wimpy kid” on the couch lol… & cd was saying something about my body… i forget…. & i was all surprised, like, really ? that’s how that seems to you ??? & now i am totally re-envisioning my body & it feels cr8zy & really interesting

  338.  #338Starla on April 3, 2012 at 10:33 am

    jessie, too late. =/ you’re right i probably should have just said nothing.

    also, i’m sick of how everything i say makes everything worse. i wish he would quit being a f*cking mutant about everything.

  339.  #339lk on April 3, 2012 at 10:34 am

    (((((((Starla))))))) i love you so much & you are so wonderful ! i’m so excited for you to find a great Next Step in your Dream : ))))

    also, i think you’re doing great with CF & if you just assume that he is DYING to be with you – because you are the most amazing woman he’s ever met – HIS WORDS : ) – & if you just stay open & vulnerable & soft…. you will feel happier like cr8zy almost instantly, i swear. you are so valuable & you will have what you deserve : )

  340.  #340lk on April 3, 2012 at 10:36 am


    he wants to be Winning again – & he feels he’s Losing whenever you’re less than Happy : (

    & he thought he was going to Logic-Win with that email about “chasing” – but you didn’t “buy” it lol

    i’d just say, ok baby whatever you want : )

    because he’s so amazing & so are you & he knows that & he can figure it out. don’t worry about it.

  341.  #341Starla on April 3, 2012 at 10:39 am

    lk, my daily breath of fresh air… <3

    glad you had a nice night:)

  342.  #342Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 10:40 am

    DAY 1 of having no studying
    Felt very bored already,
    had nothing to study on the eliptical and the time went so slow
    fixed a nail in my tire, was at the garage way too early…lol like 830 am
    went to walmart, got garbage bags….needed them for 3 weeks
    sat on facebook, reading wierd statuses and cartoons by friends
    procrastinated alot of marking
    thought about my mother
    she asked me if she had alzheimers when i called her on saturday cause she wakes up stressed out in the middle of the night and feeling depressed….I laughed and told her if you are able to worry about having alzheimers, then you likely dont have it….her mother had it….I told her she prob. had anxiety because she doesnt walk alot now…her pup died and she has the beginning of parkinsons
    ….I worry about everything when im not in books,
    i worry cause my oldest son started smoking weed
    I worry when my kids fight
    i worry when my kids get along (thats worse cause they usually trash my house)
    I worry that im not normal cause i cant handle being bored (esp. mentally)
    i worry that i am normal and im just worrying for nothing
    I worry cause I worry
    I sit in my basement like a groundhog cause I find it hard to meet women….the women I like seem to think Im too educated and out of their league
    the women that i work with are boring and pretentious
    I wish I could go for lunch with someone and gossip about how to meet men
    or how dumb men are, or how cute they are
    I wish I was 22 and back in the CLUBS lol
    It was the best place to have fun and never need a man and the girls would all come over and wed get dressed and drink and put on makeup and plan our night and who we are going to run into and how we were going to dance and dance and run around and when the taxi came we would hardly want to leave the house
    Im addicted to men….
    I have been single all of 16 hours and already, I want another one
    I love finding them
    and meeting them
    and kissing them
    Im not going to think about him….my poor Beau
    Cause im all that
    Im better than I was, im not going to let myself be sick or sad for any man ….anymore
    starla, lizka, all of you sirens, its tooo funny

    ITS CALLED…Im not going to think about her–its how I feel lol

  343.  #343lk on April 3, 2012 at 10:42 am


    wow i’m loving reading your comments : ) it feels really ” fun ” to do things the way you do them… LOL i love picturing you feeling kind of cr8zy at your Man & playing video games & turning your phone off & throwing it in your “junk drawer” for a couple days… & answering, “hi, babydoll : )” lol i love it : ) that’s how i would want to be too : ))) love-ly lol…. & also i love the idea that complaining every day about something until it changes is wayyy better than Stuffing It & having to have a Serious Conversation (read: “Fight” lol) later on down the road….. : ) i’m gonna be complaining about something for the next couple weeks, but i bet it changes right around super-quick for me : ))))) lol

  344.  #344lk on April 3, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Lizka…. you just wait, lady : ) i’m feeling all inspired & i’m going to be posting in a couple weeks about my own macaroon & champagne party, i think : ))))) love you ! enjoy your free time : )))))))

  345.  #345lk on April 3, 2012 at 10:49 am


    i’m going to have to come back & read all your healing posts. i feel intrigued & moved & happy & strong : ) love you, thank you for sharing so much

  346.  #346Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Hi lk
    u live with your man? I assume? Ive never applied roris stuff when i was living with a man….I was just starting to use it with my 3rd husband but then I moved for school and he chickened out and didnt come with….we were in aholding pattern of fighting for a year but when i finally told him I was going to sleep with other people and how lonely I felt, he was after me like a dirty shirt…
    wierd…u r so lucky cause at least you can apply them with ur man….i found it so hard to try to change my old patterns but with the new Beau (that i just dumped lol) …I used rori stuff right away….no texting him or calling him, saying no to anything that wasnt him spoiling me….
    My third husband wants to come to my town and spend the summer here….and im kind of digging it….cause i still love him and he was with me since my littlest son was only 3 months old (WOW BIG EMOTIONAL HOOK …that is) and Im afraid I wil go backwards and revert back to my old ways….
    What is it called if you go rori and then go back to the old habits?
    WOuld I be a pod person?
    OmG…I might be the opposite of a siren….

  347.  #347Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:00 am

    siยทrenโ€‚ โ€‚[sahy-ruhn] Show IPA
    Classical Mythology . one of several sea nymphs, part woman and part bird, who lure mariners to destruction by their seductive singing.
    a seductively beautiful or charming woman, especially one who beguiles men: a siren of the silver screen.
    an acoustical instrument for producing musical tones, consisting essentially of a disk pierced with holes arranged equidistantly in a circle, rotated over a jet or stream of compressed air, steam, or the like, so that the stream is alternately interrupted and allowed to pass.
    an implement of this kind used as a whistle, fog signal, or warning device.
    any of several aquatic, eellike salamanders of the family Sirenidae, having permanent external gills, small forelimbs, and no posterior limbs.
    of or like a siren.
    seductive or tempting, especially dangerously or harmfully: the siren call of adventure.

    Siren is always a great word to know.
    So is hero. Does it mean:
    one of a class of woodland deities, attendant on Bacchus, represented as part human, part horse, and sometimes part goat and noted for lasciviousness
    a being of godlike prowess and beneficence who often came to be honored as a divinity
    verb (used without object)
    to go with the siren sounding, as a fire engine.
    verb (used with object)
    to allure in the manner of a siren.
    1300โ€“50; Middle English sereyn < Old French sereine < Late Latin Sฤซrฤ“na, Latin Sฤซrฤ“n < Greek Seirแธ—n

    Related forms
    siยทrenยทlike, adjective

    2. seductress, temptress, vamp.

  348.  #348Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Guess what the opposite of siren is?

    bothering, disenchanting, disgust, repellent, repulsive

    I guess that is my fear!

  349.  #349Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Jesse1000…I totally believe that silence is the golden tool ๐Ÿ™‚

    lk..your night feels magical and shiny and bright and new and fun and crazy and loving…YUM!! ๐Ÿ™‚ I love what you said to Starla too. “ok baby whatever you want” he probably wouldn’t even know what to think next …I love that ๐Ÿ™‚

    Starlight 32…it’s all practice…and just being aware of the feminine vibe and way of being is amazing..I don’t think you bought the wrong program…I don’t think there is a wrong program of Rori’s. They are all brilliant and magical ๐Ÿ˜‰
    You will get lots of help here if you stick around ๐Ÿ™‚

  350.  #350Starla on April 3, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Jessie, you broke up with your beau?

  351.  #351Starla on April 3, 2012 at 11:12 am

    He said

    “Yea, i understand…I guess I’m in a similar boat, afraid to set all this aside and just open back up to you… i guess it’s an emotional defense mechanism of mine.. I just wanted to let you know how i feel about the relationship, and was waiting for your response before i opened back up… but then I guess we’re at an impasse=/. What are you doing tomorrow after work? we could get together, hang out, maybe talk about things in person?”

  352.  #352Starla on April 3, 2012 at 11:14 am

    wow, i feel acknowledged and not emotionally irrelevant to this relationship now. and i feel safer knowing how he is feeling, and he didn’t do it in a way that made me the wrong one… and he was really honest and vulnerable with me and he took steps to make it right. that is some nice sh*t right there, no?

    i have an appointment tomorrow, though, and i can’t get together with him, lol. but i’ll be answering his email a lot easier now.

  353.  #353Starla on April 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

    actually, i’m still pretty angry. treat me like i’m the most important thing in the world, d*mnit

  354.  #354Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

    I broke up with my Beau

  355.  #355Starla on April 3, 2012 at 11:22 am

    did i miss what happened, jessie?

    how r u feeling mdear?

  356.  #356Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:23 am

    and shut my phone off….declined the gym and made my kids go to bed early ….at like 830 cause I was crabbbbbby

  357.  #357Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:24 am

    when one man goes, another 20 fall all over themselves to fill his place lol

  358.  #358lk on April 3, 2012 at 11:25 am


    “Im afraid I wil go backwards and revert back to my old waysโ€ฆ.
    “What is it called if you go rori and then go back to the old habits?
    “WOuld I be a pod person?
    “OmGโ€ฆI might be the opposite of a sirenโ€ฆ.”

    LOL. & actually, i can pretty much guarantee you won’t “revert” because i did that for about an hour on Sunday & my man came with me (i.e. became un-enlightened & a pain in the bum lol) but as soon as i got back in my siren-ity : ))) we were on again & smooth-sailing ! so… at least *I* will not be “going back” anywhere…

    although, i have to say… i think that most of this IS ACTUALLY INSTINCTUAL – like, i think we KNOW not to ever contact a man first…. call/txt/email etc…. & when we were in pre-tech-revolution courtship days, there were almost no opportunities to do so – so we’d just “lay back on our island” relaxing & pining away – with no “temptation” – LOL ! i’m imagining Jane Eyre Pursuing or Contacting Rochester LOL it just wouldn’t work ! it would be SO MUCH outside of the social norms…… & when she does go, it’s SO DRAMATIC AAAAAHHHH ok ok anywayz……ummmmmmmmm

    i was saying i think this is all instinctual. i know i behaved exactly according to RR “rules” when i was a mere girl of 16. i’ve never really watched television & i’m super shy & not all…social butterfly i suppose : ) lol : ) so….. i don’t think i had a lot of “ideas” about Courtship or anything, beyond reading a ton of literature, so just random bits here & there….. but when a Man i liked started pursuing me, i wouldn’t even send him an instant message first. like…. i never ever made a move toward him, beyond normal “passion” bits that can’t be contained, like when i txtd him one night telling him that there was the most amazing moon every & he absolutely had to go look at it immediately – & THAT IS WHERE THE MAGIC IS : ))) actually i believe that when we DO lean forward, that is magic. just like jane eyre. just like me waking up in the middle of the night one night & calling CD when we’d just had our first date & saying, i really feel like taking the day off & going on a day trip… & then him Stepping Up really hard & making my day perfect…. & now i love him & i live with him ! amazing !

    but the Instinct to Lean Back has to be Strong – built up like a muscle – because otherwise, the magic of the forward-leans feel weak & more like “wavering” than like “intuition” or whatever : )

  359.  #359Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:26 am

    now he can run through all the conversations he just had with me to figure out what he did wrong….lol\

  360.  #360Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:29 am


    Signs and Characteristics of Love Addiction:

    Lack of nurturing and attention when young
    Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
    Compartmentalization of relationships from other areas of life
    Outer facade of “having it all together” to hide internal disintegration
    Mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships)
    Hidden Pain
    Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost
    Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
    Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
    Highly manipulative and controlling of others
    Perceive attraction, attachment, and sex as basic human needs, on a par with food and water
    Sense of worthlessness without a relationship or partner
    Feelings that a relationship makes one whole, or more of a man or woman
    Escalating tolerance for high-risk behavior
    Intense need to control self, others, circumstances
    Presence of other addictive or compulsive problems
    Insatiable appetite in area of difficulty (sex, love or attachment / need.)
    Using others, sex & relationships to alter mood or relieve emotional pain
    Continual questioning of values and lifestyle
    Driven, desperate, frantic personality
    Confusion of sexual attraction with love (“Love” at first sight.)
    Tendency to trade sexual activity for “love” or attachment
    Existence of a secret “double life”
    Refusal to acknowledge existence of problem
    Defining out-of-control behavior as normal
    Defining “wants” as “needs”
    Tendency to leave one relationship for another. (Inability to be without a relationship.)
    Attempts to replace lost relationships with a new one immediately

    Many of these symptoms are also elements of codependency and intimacy dsyfunctions resulting from childhood abandonment, emotional and / or sexual abuse. For this reason treatment and therapy for Love Addiction often includes trauma recovery work. Read what others have to say about love addiction.

    facing_love_small.gif (6923 bytes)

  361.  #361lk on April 3, 2012 at 11:30 am

    ((((Jessie)))) well, i agree with you 100% regarding the estimated 20:1 ratio of men who want to fill your baskets with rose petals to men who want to get kicked out of your house LOL

  362.  #362Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 11:37 am

    light heart…

    I did get my eyebrows tattooed yesterday and they are too dark :/ I want them to fade…I want my eyebrows back….why did I create this contrast?? I love me and don’t want to change anything else! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I feel happy hearing that you loved yours. Mine are a great shape though so that’s good. I feel better reading your response to me ๐Ÿ™‚

  363.  #363Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I never had a tool in my body that was like rori’s suggestions…i was homeless and kicked out of my parents house at 15…needy and desperate since young lol
    I felt dizzy and confused when I read rori and about not being man pleasers and not chasing men…i always did that and I always wanted to fill my loneliness void….at all costs.
    I hate to hurt any ones feelings…my own usually dont matter but lately I have been much happier, less dependant and suprisingly every guy that I have put in a time out came back and came back sooo strong that I dont know which one to pick…i have constant attention now, i have learned how to flirt and date…i used to be terrified and i also stopped almost completely drinking cause now i work on being open and free without alcohol and trying to be as crazy and fun without needing the crutch of beers to be that person….im much less inhibited…and
    the only thing worrying me is that with a five year relationship –i had a lot of bad habits with my third husband….i loved to spoil him, do everything for him, let him tease me, do his homework for him (god i was such a suck) and cook for him, cause i freakin adored him
    and he was really nice to me….super nice but leaning back from him almost kills me….if he calls me then i just want to run back to my old town, quit my school and be a kept woman (yuck yuck)
    and I feel so much internal pressure when i try to lean back…way more than i did with my Beau

    Im not sireny with him
    im boring
    and my emotions run wild….
    cause we had these wierd old patterns where i chased him and he rewarded me big time for it
    i dont want to do that anymore for any man
    even if this one has me in his pocket….
    lk thanks for ur advice…but i WISH it was my second nature….i think i was born needy

  364.  #364GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 11:40 am

    I`m so happy in the midst of ongoing sadness! My friend F says she can give me a ride home after our meeting today, which means I can go (busses stop running to early here for me to get home). I thought she might be too busy, & without a ride back I would have to stay home as I live on the property thats a few miles from the hub of this community & NSM doesnt want to break up his day to give me rides anymore (plus it feels bad for him to just be doing that when we`re v attracted but not together or in harmony on romantic-level etc). I`m feeling that good feeling Daria described on past thread re people wanting me around enough to be willing to give rides! This feels *so* good! Esp since not having a car brings up felelings of being a burden on people & wondering how much they really want to spend time. This is deep childhood stuff for me & I still need much reinforcement to not feel that all the time lol. So I felt fear, but I reached out for what I want/need & took the risk to take good care of myself & to *create* an opportunity to get that reinforcement! Yay me. We meet w F almost weekly just for purposes of kicking around whatever creative ideas come up, problem solving and just bc meeting is grounding & stimulating for us. Yay I feel so happy. Even though I`m *extremely* sad & missing personal connection w NSM. Also had hours of talk w Beloved Ex today & we`re brainstorming on creating some new groups on a certain issue we care about (and telling each other how awesome we are lol). Will hafta pull in certified experts & get grants though. Wow maybe we can pull this off. Maybe we should ideally start small. I`m passionate about this tho I still have lots of feelings saying all is futile, life is empty etc… I dont try & fight those feelings anymore, just gently observe, *breathe*, see what they relate to & where they are in my body etc & let them be & be with them so I can *heal* truly instead of jumping out of them in desperation.

  365.  #365GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

    #361 ((((( Jessie1000 ))))) Thanks for sharing about you & your life so honestly & passionately… I relate to tons of this & it`s healing to read. Love to you.

  366.  #366Jessie1000 on April 3, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    oh gingersky! Right back at you…my friend m. always tells me that she loves it when I tell people about my husbands …she says it makes her feel better cause she had a hard life young too….she says the story about my monte carlo is her favorite…
    I used to have very big breasts and a small skinny body….now i have had a reduction….but in the small town we came from guys used to call me “tits”
    so rude…eh not even behind my back…and my neighbour used to party and drink and him and his five brothers…all not so savoury type of guys, asked my 1st husband if we wanted the monte carlo painted….and just for the price of paint….
    so they took it and they had it for weeks, drinkinng and painting, and i used to visit it and them and they were like “t***! how u doing?
    and finally the last touches ….they asked if they could air brush the word monte carlo on the back….it was supposed to replace the decal and i said sure and u know what they did?

    They airbrushed me completely nude on the back of my car….my hair, my parts, sticking out, with huge clouds and i was floating on a heart….lol
    i almost died….
    My friend m. says its the funniest story cause I have pictures of the car…it was famous in our town and i was too scared and shy of those boys to paint over it and my father told me if i drove that car to his house he would move out of town….lol
    hope it makes u smile…gingersky
    i wish we all could have coffee!!!!!

  367.  #367Luzydel on April 3, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Sometimes I feel things and externalize them, and try to find them in another person, like I want them to give me some kind of relieve. I cannot longer use people as a”tylenol” for my heart ache. At any given moment when I feel hurt, lonely, desperate and hopeless, I have to remember that I have ME…

    I met someone new, not dating him nor I know if we will get that that level…But he is the symbol of moving on, of rebirth, of I am not broken…it feels good someone is there to hold your hand in your journey…

  368.  #368GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    #365 Luzydel, this is profound & well-said imo. And awesome that you`ve found someone who embodies that for you.

  369.  #369GingerSky on April 3, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    #364 Jessie1000, omg! LOL! That is hilarious! It does make me smile! And aside from the obviously unsavory parts & how kinda bad it feels to be called “t*ts” etc (I grew up around a mix of unsavory, awesome semi-savory, intellectual & other mixtures of men myself too) this feels good to read! And the best-feeling part for me is to now see you here & connect w you & know you`ve lived thru all these hard & crazy times, & to see who you are inside truly, & get to know you:) Yes, I wish we could have coffee too (tea or smoothie for me) & just sit on couches & talk & laugh! LOL! WHat ever happened to that car?!

  370.  #370lk on April 3, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @Jilly 360 my mama got hers done & they have faded a bit over time : )

  371.  #371siren song on April 3, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    i am so inspired by lizka’s challenge that i gave myself one…and signed up to this website called 21habit that makes you stick to a challenge by charging you money (21 bucks) if you don’t meet your goal for 21 daays in a row…i will lose a dollar for every day i lean forward.

    i used the same site to get myself to practice guitar scales more regularly.

  372.  #372Anais on April 3, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Hi starlight-32,

    I’ve been working with Rori’s tools for about 3 months and although my Mr Right hasn’t shown up yet, I definitely feel a difference in my vibe which I also can tell that men feel too. and my dating experience has felt fun instead of a chore like it used to be!

    when email convos go on too long with someone who might seem ok to meet otherwise, I just stop keeping up with them consistently if they aren’t taking it further. in my next reply, I tell the man “It feels good to chat with you but I seem to not have much time to exchange long emails. What do you think?” And so far everytime that’s happened he’s asked me for my number (or given he gave his, in which case I use the appropriate script that will inspire him to call me instead).

    When they ask me about my dating history too early or just too personal about it, I tell them “I don’t feel comfortable talking about the past right now, I want to be with what’s going on in the present”

    But for the most part the feeling messages seem to help inspire them to take things offline faster than in my past experiences. I inject feeling messages when I talk about my opinions and passions, so it doesn’t feel so… mechanical and more sensual. It’s such a powerful tool! I also recommend the Targeting Mr Right program. That along with the Love Scripts have been the most helpful for my online dating experiences..but all of the programs are fantastic and have something to offer

  373.  #373Starla on April 3, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    jessie, i left home in high school too. not my choice – got kicked out. I was a good kid, too! you remind me of myself a lot, so maybe this is why;)

  374.  #374Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Hi Sirens!

    I had a great day going to lunch with my dear ex collegues who were really sad to see me leaving the company. Than I went shopping and walked downtown and bought so much stuff it feels crazy! I bought the nicest skirt ever, super flashy pink, a t-shirt, a pair of nude shoes so “duchess of Cambridge”, a scarf, a pair of earrings, a bracelet… Hmmm I think that’s it?

    It feels cool because at my new job I can dress more casual that at my old one so I don’t have to split my shopping budget within casual clothes and business outfits. I can buy 2x more casual clothes! Wouhou!!!

  375.  #375Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    But even if I was busy with lunch and shopping, often today I thought of ATW… I know the weekend is still far away, but I feel sad to think that he might not suggest to see me for a second weekend in a row…

    So the Challenge is a little hard today… It’s Day 15. I went through 15 days already and some of them were way harder than this one. I can do it. ๐Ÿ™‚

  376.  #376Starla on April 3, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    yay lizka

  377.  #377Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    I was thinking – even if he lost it for me, he prob notices just a little bit that I am not chasing him now?

  378.  #378Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Omg I just got a smiley from him.

  379.  #379Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    I can’t believe it. I am going to think that it’s meant for someone else. For 2344780903756 girls from the dating site, not for me

  380.  #380Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    It’s clearly a mistake. No need to say I am not responding.

    I took a sleeping pill last night (something that I do once a year on average) and I didn’t close my eyes. I ate 2 oranges today and had to make myself eat them

  381.  #381Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    I tried to stay away from the blog today because everything I had to say sounded beyond terrible

  382.  #382Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    omg I just got an email from the company where I applied that they apologize for the delay with my offer, someone was on vacation and they will take care of it soon.

    Both things happened like under 5 mins apart. At least this one must have been for me since it has my name on the email.

  383.  #383Starla on April 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    memulo, of course the smiley is for you. and you don’t even need to respond back:) just receive and go about your day

  384.  #384Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    Memulo, why don’t you just receive the smiley like it’s for you? Of course it’s for you sweetheart!!

    I would just mirror him and send a smiley back. And see what happens. Be true to yourself. If you feel excited to have this smiley, no need to pretend that you aren’t and not reply. But if you’re honestly mad, you can not answer I guess…

  385.  #385Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Ahhhh ATW why can’t you stay away from my head today?????

    Go away I say!

    Ok I’m off to a few kilometres of jog…

  386.  #386Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Girls, Starla and Lizka,

    Thank you! I feel so mad, I am not responding to a smiley after 4 days and the whole weekend of no contact. plus I want to understand what he was doing on the dating site if we had an exclusivity agreement.

  387.  #387Anais on April 3, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Hi Memulo,

    IDid that particular guy ever ask you to be exclusive? I may have missed whether or not he did. If he made it clear that wanted to only be with you, there is no reason you can’t continue on dating sites. I’m new to RR’s tools but I’m seein how it really is best to continue CDing until one is sure he wants you. If you’re dating others and keeping a busy schedule with your hobbies you won’t even notice as much that you haven’t heard from the “main guy” in a few days. And 2 months is often a pretty short time to really feel like you know what’s going on with a relationship

    Also I stopped analyzing what guys say. They do and say nice things in the moment because that’s how they feel at that time. And when they say something good, I just receive it to make me feel good. Their actions, and whether or not they are consistent, are what show their feelings more. And even that, I don’t really “analyze” it anymore and keep the focus more on me…I think it’s best to not get caught up on checking on him .e.g. if he logged into the dating site. But since you have, look at the positive side…He may see that you logged into it and that may make him feel intrigued as to what you’ve been up to. Men are like rubberbands and sometimes they pull away when their feelings are growing. They become attracted to you more when there is space…. he may come back.

  388.  #388Dominique on April 3, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Starla – How about this…this is all new to him. He’s fumbling around trying really hard it seems to do the right thing, be the man you want because he really does care about you hugely.

    He’s really making an effort here. Can you cut him some a little slack?

    In response to that wonderful e-mail where you felt totally acknowledged and accepted and not made to feel wrong, please tell him, and gush about it. Tell him how heard you feel. THANK HIM.

    He needs to know when he got it right, so he’ll do it more.

    You’re doing awesomely by the way even it if doesn’t feel like it sometimes.


  389.  #389Brenda on April 3, 2012 at 1:56 pm


    RE: #325 – “Thanks Brenda, iโ€™m gonna go have a look, maybe i got the wrong program?”

    LoveScripts is good. No loss there. Another good one for step by step is Commitment Blueprint, my favorite.

    “…its quite easy to forget the goddess in you and get all masculinity when talking about subjects your passionate about, or even just having an opinion, iโ€™m i supposed to act like i donโ€™t have one?”

    Nope, you get to be fully feminine and fully genuine! What I try to do before interacting with a man is work on some visualization tools first, which I learned mainly from Modern Siren but they are throughout this blog. then I do my best to physically lean back, whether I am in his presence or just on the phone. It naturally relaxes me and also reminds me to stay in feminine and use feeling messages.

    Then if he is talking intellectual stuff and I have an opinion, I might say something like, “That feels bad to hear. I like to think …..” It is a thing of turning it from a factual observation or opinion into how you feel about the topic.

    I feel, feel, feel, and it feels so beautiful to be fully in touch with my feelings from one moment to the next.

  390.  #390Starla on April 3, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    thanks dominique:) i will tell him right now

  391.  #391Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Starla I am 100% with Dominique on #386. When I am reading CF’s communications I can almost feel how much you mean to him and how nervous he is not to make a wrong step. Almost like you with not saying a wrong thing.

  392.  #392Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    Hello motivation? Where are you???

    I want to go run to stop thinking of ATW but I can’t get out of the couch… lol

    I want to take care of me tonight. Run, cook something good on the BBQ, watch TV and give myself a pedicure… that should help to remove my focus from him.


  393.  #393Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:09 pm


    Thank you so much -) You are right on every point but I am a hopeless romantic and I take pretty words for real. Maybe because I wouldn’t say them without a deep reason, but that’s my problem;)

    The guy did not ask me to be exclusive, but when he suggested intimacy I said that I can only do it if we are exclusive. He said he didn’t know, though assumed that we were dating exclusively, so since I asked specifically he accepts.

    I was just going crazy because I got used to his pretty much daily contact.

    Are you suggesting not to bring the exclusivity up again since I saw him on the dating site?

  394.  #394Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:13 pm


    Your plan sounds great. I am pretty sure that jogging will help, I always feel so much better after swimming. Even if I look like ghost with 2 nights of no sleep and on 2 oranges-)

  395.  #395Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    Haha thanks Memulo, yeah I know, I always feel so much better after sports. Must be the endorphins!

    ” Even if I look like ghost with 2 nights of no sleep and on 2 oranges” – this made me feel giggling. I know what you mean!

  396.  #396Starla on April 3, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    it’s so funny with CF, cuz every 3 out of 4 things I say to him is something about how good he makes me feel. I gush constantly. He is super sensitive to f*cking up, that me complaining one or two times over the course of a long while can really set him off.. So am I…i’m sensitive like that too. I hope we can get over this.

  397.  #397Femininewoman on April 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    When you said exclusivity Memulo did you clarify exclusive sexuality or exclusive dating? Do you find out what exclusivity meant to him?

    RE 384 that is why some guys think about commitment as in terms of the ball and chain. He has only taken a fly around for a few days to make sure he feels his freedom. If you go at him with your anger I imagine he might shrivel up and withdraw again. He has not yet agreed to be locked up in a cage so I would just express surprise and maybe sadness to be hearing from him. There is something deeper under the anger or you might be angry with yourself but he might wonder what you are angry at and end up confused.

  398.  #398Starla on April 3, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    i’m having a hard time crafting my little positive thank you feeling message. i think it’s cuz my head hurts so bad.

    so far it’s
    ‘ohhh [pet name] i feel acknowledged, thank you! and valuable and not made wrong. it would feel so good to spend time with you and feel your arms around me, it always makes me feel so safe and connected, but i have an appointment after work tomorrow. what do you think we should do?’

  399.  #399Healing Waterfall on April 3, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I just popped on and have not had a chance to catch up on posts….sorry
    I have been applying for jobs and preparing for class…
    but i really, really want feedback on appropriate responses to this text from my crush, who is out straight with tax season…..

    i needed to get another copy of my state taxes, which was not great, it was problematical, he is super busy and i can’t remember if i sent my state taxes in because we had all that other stuff going on when i picked up my taxes, so to make a long story short, i needed another copy to send in so i don’t miss the filing deadline….

    i am feeling vulnerable and upset and weepy about my money crisis and that i am needing to apply for part time work that is not professional, but i am also really looking forward to some stable income i can count on, since teaching varies from semester to semester and clients are happy, but right now few and far between.

    Good news, a client called me today to say she has shifted to more energy in the afternoon and thanked me!!!!!

    So back to the text:

    he texts me this:

    I am sorry that you are stressed and crying. I wish I could find a time to talk with you about it.

    What is a sireny response to that?

    I just texted him.
    Thx, you r a sweetheart. Thx for getting me my taxes and not getting too mad at me for that…It would feel really good to spend time with you when you get a window.

    But what i really feel like saying is:

    It feels really empty to read that message. I really feel like I need support right now….

    but i didn’t write that….

    thanks for your feedback….i have to go teach, but i will catch up on the blog later and reply this evening, so please give me feedback!

  400.  #400Femininewoman on April 3, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Starla remember you feed off each others emotional energy through your amygdala.

  401.  #401Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm


    I did not specify which exclusivity, but he said ‘dating only each other’ so I guess it’s the dating one.

    I don’t feel the urge to reply to a smiley? He is not asking anything, it’s like you said – the man wants to give, why not to let him.

    You don’t think it’s ok to talk about exclusivity again? I’d like to and also I want to ask what it means to him and express what it means to me (it does not include logging into a dating site).

  402.  #402Anais on April 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Re Memulo 392: I understand. I’ve been naturally sensitive to words before as well and I’ve had to really train myself to not attach “relationship meaning” to men’s words and just take it in as him admiring the siren I am. It’s defiitely easier said than done though.

    I would continue dating other men even if you hear from him again. I agree with Feminine Woman, also clarify what sex and exclusivity means to him, and what it means to you… if it hasn’t been done

  403.  #403Femininewoman on April 3, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Memulo my opinion is that he is entitled to visit the dating site if he wants to, at least for now. He might even have been testing you to see if you would go into overfunctioning and chase after him. You just never know. I would ask myself what is the message here for me?

  404.  #404Starla on April 3, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    fw, that’s just barbaric and gross. I would never eat his amygdala. I’m more of a pancreas/liver girl myself. brains are too chewy and always get stuck between my teeth, yuck, never again!

  405.  #405lk on April 3, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    @healing waterfall

    i feel so sad reading about asking for “time” & “support” from a man who sounds so Empty & Exhausted – he does not feel strong enough to leave a “bad” relationship…….that feels like a “Vacuum” to me; not a Supply. what do you think?

  406.  #406lk on April 3, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    @starla 402 i’m dying lol

  407.  #407Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:39 pm


    I’ve been asking about the message for me for the past 72 hours (non-stop). And I decided that I’ve been too easy to pursue lately. Just a bit more drama wouldn’t hurt. At least I feel good about not chasing him (I’m not bad at leaning back and he never complained that I never text/call myself, so I am assuming he is ok with it).

    When you say it’s ok for him to visit the dating site – do you mean it’s until the time he asks me to remove my profile from it? In this case I can say that he is more than welcome to be logged in 24/7 and I am going to do the same – nicely;)

  408.  #408Dominique on April 3, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Starla – your potential e-mail is good.


  409.  #409Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:42 pm


    Thank you;) Yes, I just got a smiley from him, which doesn’t make me feel overly obligated to reply, but since I did not expect to hear from him at all at this point I feel overly excited.

  410.  #410lk on April 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    @Healing Waterfall

    “Thx for getting me my taxes and not getting too mad at me for thatโ€ฆIt would feel really good to spend time with you”

    this feels sad to read to – like, he is an ACCOUNTANT – of course you should expect him to assist you with your finances without “getting too mad” – & WHY would you accept or expect behavior like that, to be grateful that it doesn’t exist ?

    feel sad ! i feel like crying !

    you’re such a wonderful woman…. & i feel confused why you turn to this Painting of a man – an Image – a “window” – a window image across the street – like you’re “window shopping” lol – & there are so many meaty Men who are ready to take you in their arms without a moment’s hesitation !!!!!!

    ok…..i want to think of a message that feels Siren-Y to me… : )

    he texts me this: I am sorry that you are stressed and crying. I wish I could find a time to talk with you about it.

    I just texted him.
    Thx, you r a sweetheart. Thx for getting me my taxes and not getting too mad at me for thatโ€ฆIt would feel really good to spend time with you when you get a window.

    But what i really feel like saying is:
    It feels really empty to read that message. I really feel like I need support right nowโ€ฆ.

    i hear a siren-y message say, “aw, thx for tax info! feels much better to be “safe” & secure : ) …. feel really sad reading your note that you don’t have time for me….. noticing in myself a deep, deep longing to be held by a man who knows my value & feels good with me in his arms as his Prize…. & feeling curious to see how the Universe will deliver! : )))”

  411.  #411Dominique on April 3, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Memulo – First I think it’s too early to be thinking so much about what’s going on with him, something you really don’t want to to do anyway.

    You don’t have any idea why he was on the dating site if indeed he was. Any story you come up with will make you feel bad and likely is not anything like the truth.

    Also remember boy time doesn’t look anything like girl time. Four days to him could very well feel like four seconds, especially if he’s busy or preoccupied.

    He sent the smiley. Accept it; try to feel good about it. It’s his way right now to let you know he’s thinking about you. This is a GOOD thing.

    There’s no need to respond though.


  412.  #412Starla on April 3, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    thanks dominique, i sent the text.

  413.  #413Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Thank you Dominique!

    Yes I feel very excited about the smiley ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I know we may feel the time differently, but I really don’t want to be in this situation again, it felt awful. I don’t know what to do about it yet, but I am not eager to reply to communications right away (if he sends anything else I mean).

  414.  #414Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Yes and I also decided that home-made dinners can wait.. till the clients are begging for my food on their knees. Till then I’d rather be taken out.

  415.  #415lk on April 3, 2012 at 3:02 pm


    m.i.a. for 4 days is SO EASY for men !!!!

    i’m obviously in no position at all to say this to you, so i apologize for the sass : ) lol ……. BUT……. just want to say that i think your “message” is very silly. you think you have been too easy to pursue ? so… you have decided to become unpleasant to be around, punishing yourself & others ???? sounds terrible, lady ! sounds really bad !!!!!!

    if **I** see a “message” here, i would see that it’s very silly for me to let some “bad-ness” with a man reduce me to a self-hxting monster !

    “errybody cuddle with they own self-hxte” lol

    i hear you asking, “what did *I* do ?” nothing, baby! you’re all good !

    i hear you saying, “he has a million other women.” actually, as far as you know, you’re the only date he’s had in months ! lol

    i hear you wanting to “raise your vibe” with Punitive Actions — NO —

    i feel worried that you are controlling food to control your feelings

    if you feel afraid you have no partner — so ?

    YOU HAVE YOURSELF – be your own Ideal Partner !

    FEED YOURSELF – SLEEP – STOP HXTING ON YOURSELF !!! you are a big beautiful wave of energy…… riding through the universe…. infinitely : )))

    love you !

  416.  #416Starla on April 3, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    you know what’s so whack? is when CF and i talked last week about seeing each othe rmore, he mentioned he wanted it to be ‘like a fairy tale for me’ where i ‘wouldn’t have to worry about money or how he got there’

    and i never asked him for that

    now he’s like “you are a demanding chick” (paraphrasing lol)


  417.  #417lk on April 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    wow lol i sound impatient/agitated today. wonder what that’s about ? i do feel “impatient” to go home ! lol

    sorry Memulo & Healing Waterfall if you caught a heavy dose of that : )))

  418.  #418Starla on April 3, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    i put those quote marks in the wrong place

    ****”be like a fairy tale” for me

  419.  #419lk on April 3, 2012 at 3:15 pm


    that isn’t what he’s saying – he’s just saying, “please, god – let there be a way that this can work without destroying me financially & emotionally” LOL

    i say, he knows what to do. i know you “don’t want” to “chase”…………. but that’s not even “what he’s talking about” – you know ? he’s “talking about”…. wanting to do things His Way – to Show You How Good He Is ! —- which means….. He WANTS TO LEAD lol sorry for the caps, don’t know why i’m so Loud & URGENT today…lol & also HE DOES WANT YOU TO FEEL EFFORTLESS & SPOILED LIKE A PRINCESS – he super wants that. like… more than he wants bacon or banging tunez.

    it’s seriously important to Assume The Best – even though it’s a vulnerable place…. in some ways, it’s actually an in-vulnerable place : )

  420.  #420Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    FW –

    “Starla remember you feed off each others emotional energy through your amygdala.”

    Really? What about those who had their amygdala removed??

    I wonder if ATW still has his…

  421.  #421Dominique on April 3, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    Starla – I think you are big time making stuff up about what his intentions/thoughts are.

    If you’re going to make it up, make it up good. Remember this, one of my sayings?


  422.  #422Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    lk…I am loving your posts today ๐Ÿ™‚

    and this is 100% the best way to live …”Assume The Best” and it’s actually an in-vulnerable place…

    Just like following your feel good…you can’t go wrong when you follow what feels good…

    just like my eyebrows haha!! i felt good about it…so I’m just going to trust that I’m going to love them ๐Ÿ™‚ I know it’s a silly analogy ๐Ÿ˜‰

  423.  #423Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    Wow!! The 6K run was efficient! Haven’t think of ATW at all during these 40 minutes and now I feel so much more relaxed and happy… ahhh I can finish this day without any worries…

    Leaning back still, la la la !!

  424.  #424Starla on April 3, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    you’re both right, lk/dominique.

    ps blah blah blah

    totally going home tonight and having a spoiled brat tantrum though:D. just to remind myself that i’m worth all the high maintenance.

    i’ll leave him out of it, promise!

  425.  #425Starla on April 3, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    jilly, i think strong eyebrows are beautiful

  426.  #426Jilly on April 3, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    thank you Starla!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  427.  #427Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    LOL LK!!!!!!

    Thank you ๐Ÿ˜‰

  428.  #428Starla on April 3, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    lizka, are you thinking of APPENDIX, not amygdala? heheheheheheheheh baguette croque monsieur

  429.  #429Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    So no one thinks that I can mention feeling lonely during these 4 days? well today is day 4 technically.

  430.  #430Dominique on April 3, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Starla – ๐Ÿ™‚ a puffy puff wouldn’t hurt either. It might help your caffeine cessation headache which by the way is exacerbating everything you are feeling.


  431.  #431Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    Lol Starla, I just googled “amygdala” and realised it’s something in the brain…

    In French, “Agmydale” is “tonsil” (???). Lol, and we can have them removed! Lol.

    Poor ATW, hopefully he still has his amygdala.

    Hahaha I’m laughing.

  432.  #432Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    lol lol I can’t stop laughing at my ignorance. It feels good to laugh at myself!


  433.  #433Starla on April 3, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    thank you for the love and encouragement, ladies:)

    cf has not texted back. he’s probably stunned by my sweet attitude

  434.  #434Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Ohhhh after so many days of leaning back amd almost no news except a few joke exchange, ModelCD texted me and suggested we watched movies tonight! Yay!!

  435.  #435siren song on April 3, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    LK, i feel really into your posts this afternoon.

  436.  #436Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Hmm maybe it’s because of my incredible vibe and the endorphins amd everything!? Woohoo I’ve got a date!!

    Lol maybe I should answer to him first…

  437.  #437siren song on April 3, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Yay lizka!

  438.  #438Zara on April 3, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    ****In French, โ€œAgmydaleโ€ is โ€œtonsilโ€ (???)****

    Yes “amygdales” or “tonsilles” in French are called “tonsils” in English. But the part in the brain called “amygdala” in English is also called โ€œamygdaleโ€ in French.

  439.  #439Ella on April 3, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Hello Sirens.

    I have added new pics to my ‘before’ and ‘after’ on my weight loss page.

    You can have a look here:

  440.  #440Dominique on April 3, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Memulo – How about saying, “it feels good hearing from you,” or “I missed you, I feel so happy you texted me (contacted me).

    This turns things into a positive, so he won’t feel blamed to made wrong, and it also helps you feel better about things.


  441.  #441Ella on April 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    And also have added some of me doing Pole Fitness to my Pole Dance website.

    You can see here:

  442.  #442Dominique on April 3, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Lizka – c’est trop marant. t’es mignonne.


  443.  #443Brenda on April 3, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Love is the most powerful force in the world.

  444.  #444Healing Waterfall on April 3, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    hi lk
    thanks for your message
    yep, it’s a learning curve for me.
    just even to say what it is i want.
    but i liked your way of saying that and i will repeat that to myself and see how it feels.
    this is actually an improvement for me, this friendship, you should have seen the way i let others treat me before this….
    so thanks….
    i feel so sad that you don’t have time for me since i long to be held in the arms of a man….that’s honest and it is stating my needs….

  445.  #445Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    Thank you Dominique.

    If he texts/calls again I will say that I feel good hearing from him.

  446.  #446Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 4:16 pm


    These are beautiful photos! And you look so sexy ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I took one pole dancing class and my legs got all bruised lol and I had such a hard time holding a pole with my knees. Started wondering if a pole is for me ;(

  447.  #447Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    It’s more funny to think that we connect emotions through the tonsils. hahahaha It would explain a lot of things if ATW didn’t had tonsils… lol

    Merci Dominique, j’essaie trรจs fort. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  448.  #448Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Lizka what movie are you going to see?

  449.  #449Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    OMG ladies… I laughed so hard when Lizka realized it wasn’t tonsils… and even thinking that ATW had his removed, SO CUTE! LOL. LIZKA, I say KISS that model CD, see if there is even any chemistry girlfriend. ๐Ÿ™‚ Enjoy yourself.

    LK and Dominique, THANK YOU for the fresh perspective, positive spins, and excellent word for word advice. Some of us need the word for word suggestions on what to say~!

    BW, thank you for sharing about your man’s weight and how you felt in the begininning. I’m hoping it’s just a bad picture though, because even though he looks a little thick in the others, he is handsome. Has dark black hair, nice brown eyes, he’s tall, broad…. could feel quite good being hugged by him.

    He texted me several times today, but not as much or as heavy… was very busy with work, but wanted to let me know he was thinking of me… so that FELT really good. No pressure, it’s just a date. He was really leaning forward though, already is making plans for summer, something special he wants us to do in December, and when I mentioned saving money to take the girls to Disney (which I’m supposed to do with my ex) he told me he has money saved, got a bonus, etc. and LOVES Disney… so if I ever wanted to go…. wants us to do a cruise… plan family dinners… he’s really hoping this all works out. Which, I do too. I want to be ready for a committed relationship with future potential. So, this weekend, when I see C and say goodbye, I’m really going to try and let my hope leave with him. It’s going to be sooo dang hard, but like what FW posted, it has to happen… and I’ve never really let that go. If my hope dies, then whatever is meant to be, will be… and I won’t be trying to control anything or make anything happen… it’s just going to work out.

  450.  #450Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Hi Dominique! I just saw today that you emailed me off blog… I’m sorry, I don’t check FB every day. I’ll get back to you later tonight. My friend is supposed to be coming over tonight… haven’t heard from her since yesterday, so trying to get this figured out, and CM has some homework I need to help her with. She’s outside playing with the neighbor girls and her sister on the trampoline. I love hearing all the giggles and squeals and little voices. I hate to make her come in and do homework. Giving her 15 more min.

  451.  #451Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    He never sent me a smiley before. Never. He always says something in words. Maybe he was responding to someone else??

  452.  #452Zara on April 3, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    445 Lizka

    Lol ๐Ÿ™‚
    Actually I think he did have his amygdala removed lol. A man has got to have lost his mind to have met you and yet not feel crazy when away from you…

  453.  #453Sensual on April 3, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Ohhh I made a leaning forward error I’m trying to figure out what is best to do now.

    ScorpionCD means so much to me, he’s still trying to make things work with his girl tho they have so many problems and he reaches out to me once in a while respectfully. Most recently on Saturday he texted that he was way skiing and that he thought of me.

    Saturday evening I ran into a friend of his and his gf. It turns out that scorpions gf has been chasing after this guy sooooo much recently. And while scorpion was away she was trying to get this guy to scorpions house late friday night. Right in front of me she was blowing up his phone – she called/texted this guy 50 times and I just felt sick. He told me she’s been doing this a lot lately.

    On Sunday my emotions got the better of me and I texted scorpion. We were meant to go hiking recently but it didn’t happen so I said “maybe we could hike this week?… friends……some weird things happening. I’d really like to catch up” I don’t know what I was thinking. I feel terrible to even think about getting involved. He responded “I’d like that. Are u ok? I’m away til Thursday but do u want to talk by phone? U have me worried.”. I realized my error and I said “let’s try to catch up when ur back. I’m ok pls don’t worry tho. I go away on Saturday. ”

    He of course then shut down a bit and said ” ok let’s aim for Friday or Saturday then. I’m off to bed. Goodnight!” to which I didn’t reply.

    So now I have to figure out what to do and I feel terrible about starting to say there was a problem, it’s obviously not my place to get involved. I didn’t use FM’s, I leaned forward and when he tried to problem solve I shut him out and said I’m ok. Ughhh trying not to beat myself up but I need to figure it out for Friday!

  454.  #454Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Sensual, if your motivation for getting involved is because you care about him as a friend, and you’d want a friend to tell you if they saw something like that, then I think it’s ok. If your motivation is to prove how wrong she is and how right you are….. then that feels bad to me. I am sure other sirens will say to not tell him. It’s probably the drama side of me who would want to share that info…. but my nephew recently found out that his live in girlfriend (they’d dated 6 years) cheated on him… and other people, very close people, knew about it and didn’t tell him. He was devestated. He knew it put them in a tough position, and isn’t mad at them that they didn’t tell him… but the way the whole thing went down when it all came out, was bad.

    Memulo… I doubt it was for someone else, but maybe he wanted to test the waters and see how you’d respond after his silence. I don’t buy the 4 days feels like 4 seconds. They know what they are doing, and if that is true… and I don’t cross their minds for 4 days, I sure don’t feel like having sex with them, responding to them, or even being too kind. It’s one thing when you are just dating, but sleeping together, I’m sorry. I’m going to be a demanding biatch in that department. If I am giving you sex, you better be making me feel wanted and loved. Might be something there I need to heal, but I don’t think that is too much to ask.

    I wouldn’t respond to the smiley. It’s not enough.

  455.  #455Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Awwww Zara that’s sweet!

    Memulo – We decided that we’re too tight in time for movies, so he said meet me at xy metro station (he didn’t had time to pick me up but promised he would drive me home) there is a “surprise”.

    Lol wondering if it’s a real surprise or just drinks at his place. Lol

  456.  #456Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 4:43 pm

    And I know the others gave you better, more positive advice… but I’ve been in that position and I know how bad it felt to not be called for 4 or 5 days by someone I was dating exclusively, who wanted exclusivity… but that is probably the most important thing I learned here. Exclusivity and commitment are two very different things.

  457.  #457Sensual on April 3, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I’m considering just being politely busy On Friday and then I’m away for 8 days so it will get forgotten. However, that feels like shutting him out again.

    However It would also be really nice to hang out together and catch up as friends. I have been considering moving out of state recently and have been feeling quite lost here. I feel like I’m just floating along here, between work and socializing and I haven’t met anyone who really means anything to me, since him 1 year ago. And I’ve been thinking about moving. Perhaps I could meet him and just choose to talk to him about this instead. …but is it too inappropriate and pressure-like to tell him that I haven’t met anyone who means something to me since him.?

    My other option is maybe to simply say that I’m feeling much better now and sorry for worrying him on Sunday but all is ok now. But if he’d still like to hike and catch up generally that would be fun. ….I just don’t like shutting him down when he is trying to fix what I presented as being a problem though

  458.  #458Sensual on April 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Turquoise – id love for someone else to tell him. But because of our history, yes there is motivation involved and it would probably be very obvious. I know I can’t tell him. I just need to choose what to do instead now

  459.  #459Sensual on April 3, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    It would be wrong for me to tell him. For sure I can’t do that.

  460.  #460Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm


    YES thank you ๐Ÿ˜‰ I was definitely going to start again slow and state my boundaries about how often we talk and see each other in order for me to feel safe having sex.

  461.  #461Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Turquoise –

    Maybe I’ll kiss him… I’ll go with the flow!

    When is the date with OhioCD? Sorry if I missed it. I am in a rush to go meet ModelCD so I don’t have time to read all the posts…

  462.  #462Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Yay Lizka, surprise should feel so good! Are you ok with drinks at his place too?

  463.  #463Butterfly Wings on April 3, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    447 Turquoise – Gimme a huge guy over a teeny tiny skinny one any day! lol ๐Ÿ˜‰ He gives the BEST hugs too, although with all the weight he’s lost he’s not as cuddly!

  464.  #464Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    Yeah I am ok with drinks at his place. We did it already. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Ok I have to run, got 45 minutes to get pretty!! I’ll logged in when in the bus. xoxo

  465.  #465Francesca on April 3, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Hi everyone, long time no see.

    I’ve mostly been reading these days, don’t have much to say but I’m glad everybody’s fine. I am too.

    Lizka, c’est cool ta nouvelle job! Bonne chance!

    Starla, I believe things will get better and better for you. Just believe it too!

    Ella, looking good! ๐Ÿ™‚

  466.  #466Brenda on April 3, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    When I feel lonely, sometimes I look at personal ads. Then I feel nauseated. I feel more at ease just writing or talking with my friends on facebook. I seriously hate dating.

  467.  #467Coco Kisses on April 3, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    Peacful Greetings to all of you sirens. Just popping in to say hello. Today I have been feeling sort of irritated, but I think it'[s because I have oo much energy from the B12 shot I got yeserday…..

  468.  #468Brenda on April 3, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Siren Women}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Hugs to all of you!

  469.  #469Turquoise on April 3, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    My date is Saturday night. I’m not sure what we are doing. First we were planning to meet for dinner, and then he said he’d come here and could go for a drink, if that goes well… go to dinner, and then yesterday he was talking about his horoscope saying he should make the plans and I said I liked that, and he sounded a little surprised, like oh crap… I don’t wnat to make all the plans, so I elaborated and said it doesn’t have to be anything big, even going for a hike or to the park. I like having options, but feels good for someone else to take the lean and make plans. And he said, But you aren’t against it right (meaning the elaborate plans) and I said oh no… that’s feels really nice too. I’ve also mentioned how good it feels to be spoiled, lol. So, I’m thinking he’s going to come pick me up and take me out for a nice evening…. on a proper date. He said he feels nervous, wants to impress me…. really hopes we’ve found each other. He’s very sweet.

    BW, I don’t date skinny guys, ever. I don’t even really like average guys. I like broad shoulders and someone that makes me feel like they are the man, the rock I can lean on. But I’ve never dated anyone significantly overweight. So, just being open to what sounds like a really nice date and going from there.

  470.  #470Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Thank you Francesca! Been missing you here!

  471.  #471Starla on April 3, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    Brenda, i get nauseated looking at personals too. granted, i feel uncomfortable out in the real world, but i feel much better meeting people “IRL.” Or at the very least, a friend of a friend on facebook.

    I also get nauseated meeting men in bars.

  472.  #472Sensual on April 3, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Decision made …I’m going to politely decline meeting and postpone til after my trip so what I said gets forgotten about.

  473.  #473Lizka on April 3, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    I love dating ๐Ÿ™‚

    I’m feeling excited about my date with sexy ModelCD…

  474.  #474Healing Waterfall on April 3, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    I feel like i totally do not rate.


    i feel bad about how frustrating i seem to you sirens.

    i feel like i care about what goes on in your lives and it feels invalidating to ask about a text and one siren responds….and lk is definitely frustrated with my apparent lack of progress and it feels like if i was a better siren, then i might get cheered on. maybe i don’t post enough or i don’t say the right things, i just feel so f*ing insignificant….

    everytime i post, it feels like i need a response or i want someone to say hi to me or i need someone to say they love me…..

    it does not feel fun to be in my skin right now…..but actually i feel better just venting….

    and i understand i just might not be very compelling, i always have been so invisible, even though i am pretty, fit, smart, actually fun and likable, i always have had this feeling that i would get found out, that really i was a little piece of t*rd, so i know you guys like me, but my family didn’t and i just talked to my ex-husband and he is so overwhelmed with parenting, it is unbelievable, i mean i had to leave him when my son was going through chemotherapy and leave a nice house and land, because his attitude was so negative that i was afraid my son would not make it if i didn’t get away……


    well, i want to heal this.

    i want to feel like i matter in the world.

    and i don’t want to take it personally, because lk

    you took the time to respond to me. you wrote that way because you don’t want me to accept crumbs and wow, that’s sweet of you, and i am so programmed to take crumbs, believe me that’s all i got….

    so lk please tell me we are okay, i felt a little hurt but that is because i don’t EVER want to feel disapproval and i feel like i overreacted.

    you are actually brilliant with your feeling messages….

  475.  #475Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:54 pm


    I feel so bad I did not respond to you, but then lk did and she did it much better than I would do. I’ve been totally selfish today going from graveyard moods to feeling so excited.

    I always enjoy reading your posts and hope you would write more. And please don’t forget we are all learning here and different things come naturally to different sirens and other don’t. I remember FW once said that the best is when we get triggered, then we really see how we respond and what needs to be healed. It is work in progress for everyone here for sure ๐Ÿ˜‰

  476.  #476Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    The good thing about men in bars is that you can say oh it’s so noisy here and helplessly look around and if they like you they will say why don’t we go someplace else where we can hear each other ๐Ÿ˜‰

  477.  #477Memulo on April 3, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    When I am on a dating site I take a couple of nights per week to read profiles and then write initial hi emails to a bunch of guys. Other days I just respond to the ones who wrote back.

  478.  #478Starla on April 3, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    healing waterfall, i’m really sorry! there is so absolutely nothing wrong with you and you’re not a bad siren:):):):):). i’m just full of myself and my own sh*t right now, not giving back a whole lot=/. if you are interested in my thoughts (though, i feel like a bad siren these days myself), i’ll happily comment to you!!

  479.  #479siren song on April 3, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    HW, i feel that way sometimes as well. i feel that way during conversations at work too and i feel super-triggered, like nobody’s listening or that i’m not cool enough or smart enough. i think it’s mostly my own NVs for me, but i am very sorry that you feel bad.

  480.  #480Healing Waterfall on April 3, 2012 at 6:19 pm


    i just caught up with the blog….
    jessie how did your exam go?

    you sound so confident, it feels good to read your posts.

    lk, i read your posts again…and i lost my state tax form or mailed it and did not remember, so i felt like i was inconveniencing him.
    because i was, he had already done the work once.

    and then i saw what you said about vacumn and supply. i get it….

    i am glad to read that your kitchen talk turned into a lingerie outing…..

    i can’t believe that someday someone might actually treat me that well….

    but when i read all your stories on the blog, i see what is possible.

    turquoise, i feel so excited for you that you have/had this date with ohiocd…..

    lizka go tomorrow is day 16….

    i am on day 6 and i guess i am doing it.

    it is so incredibly hard, it really has me looking at myself differently.

  481.  #481LoveAlways on April 3, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    CD song was upset the weekend I spent with CD assertive. I feel him pulling away a little. My intuition would take me as far as to say he is spending time with another woman . . . but it’s okay. I’m going to lean back and let things happen as they may. Deep down this seems like a natural process.

  482.  #482Healing Waterfall on April 3, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    thanks memulo, starla and siren song
    i already felt better just venting and i totally get that you two (not siren song?) are in your own soup…..i get that…..but i needed to just vent all those feelings before i could be more adult about things.

    which is to say that i feel your feedback would be awesome to me, i would feel heard and supported and i feel like this is the hugest growth period i have ever had….and if it weren’t for this blog, i would be feeling so alone, since my son is at his dad’s house right now….

    i just don’t have a ton of guys who want to date me, i know lk said that…..but the crush is the most attention i have received in years…..

    ahh, maybe i am just under a bad astrological transit….

    thanks for saying you would like me to post more memulo….

    well, what am i grateful for today?
    i am grateful for food, i had my favorite sourdough whole wheat/sesame with butter for breakfast….so good.
    i am grateful for my son and that he is starting to sound good on the trumpet and he taught himself the star-wars theme.

    i am grateful for my students, we had fun in class, we went to a health food store for a field trip and looked at the healthiest versions of foods for when we have cravings…..

    i am grateful for my friend who gave me a skirt, dress and 3 sweaters that don’t fit her well.

    i am grateful for my credit card, because i was able to buy tights, since it was too windy and cold to wear that new skirt without them today.

    i am grateful for this blog and all of you who share your journeys

    i am grateful for dominique, because she says to say i feel grateful, so i am not necessarily a quick learner, but it does eventually click in

    i feel grateful for leaning back because it shows me where i feel uncomfortable.

    i feel grateful for myself because i am feeding myself and i am working and i am getting exercise and i give my son hugs.

  483.  #483lk on April 3, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    (((((((Healing Waterfall)))))))

    i felt myself all wire-y today & bristled & i think that my UP TIGHT feelings came from a late-in-the-day-latte … & i don’t want to pass those feelings along

    actually, i want us both to feel soft & breathe just so calm & natural like the ocean, so that it lulls the whole thing into peace. i come from there & go back & the whole thing is peace

  484.  #484LoveAlways on April 3, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Brenda says:

    “Love is the most powerful force in the world.”

    Beautiful Brenda!!!

  485.  #485lk on April 3, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    (((Healing Waterfall)))

    i feel sad reading “i just donโ€™t have a ton of guys who want to date me”…… & i feel Certain that it this is not a “true” Belief !

    i feel curious if you feel good having an online dating profile ? love you