Note from Rori: Courtney Schand is an awesome coach – and this is one of the best, most helpful articles I’ve ever read…! 

From Courtney:

“I was speaking with a friend, who is also a coach, the other day.

She mentioned that the challenges in life are the sand in the oyster that create the pearl.

It made me realize, how often I’ve heard our life experiences are like revealing the layers of an onion.

I was the queen of the onions, wanting to cut through all of the layers of every onion.

It felt like that, a smelly job- layers and layers of dirty work.

Truthfully it felt so tiring and I was weary of looking for the core of this smelly onion.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, you may be able to relate.

I want to offer a flip that has been really powerful for me.

What if I were a pearl instead of an onion.

What if I saw each layer that was added as a beautiful, shimmery feature… increasing my value as it grew?

Each experience polished me and provided more rarity and value than the last.

Every time I had to re-experience a challenging situation and made it through, I added a layer.

Can you feel how differently that feels than thinking there is a core “issue” you’re trying to resolve.

That is a very masculine approach- very results oriented.

Oysters are not results oriented, they take the grain of sand- the initial irritant- and spin it as a way of protecting themselves from the abrasion, actually.

The result of how this creature has protected itself reveals a soft, beautiful gem.

This isn’t to say therapy isn’t a helpful and beautiful uncovering of yourself and that analogy is still very fitting, but if you’re like I was and struggle to make the shift to seeing how valuable your experiences make you, you may be ready to stop peeling and start shining.

You see, men love pearls.

This is the belief we are so afraid to admit to.

In fact, it may be buried so deeply that you weren’t aware of it.

If you were to trace your experiences back through your life… and even if you found the root….

It’s the way it’s shaped you and colored you that makes you most attractive to the right man.

It’s ok to stop mining for what’s “wrong” with you.

I know that’s a stretch, you’ve probably gotten really good at peeling onions.

So I’d invite you to try on this switch and see how it feels for a while.

Each time you’re in front of a man, try thinking “he adores everything I share with him”.

Notice how your body language shifts.

Notice what you instinctively want to hide about yourself.

See if you can soften that- the body part you’re embarrassed about, the story you are afraid to tell, the way you snort when you laugh if you don’t hold it back…

These are the very characteristics that men are craving.

They want to know you.

They value the unique color and shapes of this pearl that is you.

Have you ever seen pearls that are oddly shaped- not perfectly round- or brilliantly colored?

They’re totally lovely.

In this way there really is no competition.

Each pearl is unique, they may start with similar material and yet each pearl is perfect for the right buyer.

As you sit with this thought, you may notice that you’re able to fall in love with parts of the story that is your life.

Start small.

Maybe you choose a moment in your day today that you can “fall in love with”- the way the coffee tasted, the way the sun warmed your skin as you drove to work, the way you prefer to have your desk arranged or leave your bed unmade.

You do these things for a reason, in a way that is unique to you, so it’s worth loving.

The more you can do that, to see your experiences as a gift, the more a man will begin to see you as the prize.

It takes an incredible amount of confidence to do this work- to see yourself and your life as valuable.

And it creates an exponential amount of confidence.

No one can shame you for something you love.

You have no reason to feel embarrassed or hide if you are proud of something.

It’d be like someone saying you’re a purple saber tooth tiger… like, “excuse me? You must be confused!” *brush it aside*

People, not just men, will take notice.

I’d encourage you to observe how your outer world shifts as you start to fall in love with your own story.

What do you think?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Write to me and let me know one thing that you’re committing to seeing as an asset instead of a liability this week.

More love to you,


Another Note from Rori: As an RRCT – Rori Raye Coach Training – alum, Certified personally by me, not only can Courtney help you with your love and relationship situation, she’s also a “Nourishionist” (and Registered Dietitian), who can help you develop your “Nutritional EQ” and build a healthier relationship with food, once and for all. Nourish your Love Life – Courtney Schand Coaching

Because Courtney is also a Siren coach – you can get private sessions with her at a great discount through my Siren Circle Private Coaching program here->