Are You Flypaper?

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I came up with this image today on a group coaching call – Are you like flypaper?

Where you attract all these men, they buzz on in to you – and then you trap them?

You hold onto them?

You care whether they stay or go?

If this feels like you – just caring too much what happens with any one man – just pave over your flypaper.

Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches.

Make it soft. Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! –Β  to leave more footprints. And…perhaps stay awhile.Β  Or forever.

Leave it up to him.Β  Stay or go.

Put plants around your mental and emotional self. Plants that will give you shade to your thoughts and feelings and nurture and feed you – and invite a man in to sit in the shade and share your bounty.

Don’t ask him to “stick.”

Don’t be afraid of him going.

Change your flypaper to lovely, sweet, feeling-filled YOU –Β  and change your life.

Love, Rori

 

493 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 10, 2011 at 6:22 am

    A Flypaper?

    Interesting



  2.  #2Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 6:24 am

    Am I actually first lol



  3.  #3Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 6:26 am

    Oops I guess FW was a few seconds earlier than I lol. I found the word flypaper interesting



  4.  #4Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 6:28 am

    The first time I heard the term flypaper being used 2 describe someone is with a girl talking about my ex. She was with him after me and she was somehow arguing with one of his other exes. She told me abt it n she told me he was “flypaper” lol



  5.  #5Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 6:30 am

    Btw hope every1 has a good week!!



  6.  #6Femininewoman on October 10, 2011 at 6:32 am

    1. Stop trying to impress him and enjoy your relationship in the moment.

    Too many times we use the wrong strategies when we try to get a man attracted to us. Trying too hard to impress a man is a transparent game that men see through.

    The easiest way to impress a man and make him take an active interest in you is by being yourself.

    I know, this is no rocket science and you’ve heard it before.

    But if this is the case, how come so many single women still try so hard to impress a man?

    When you try too hard, a man will see it.

    When you try to show off your smarts, brag about your career and accomplishments, show him your possessions, dress up in the latest and greatest fashion and designer labels, he will see through it.

    What he is going to think is – wow! She’s trying too hard. I wonder why she feels the need to try so hard to impress me. I wonder if there is something wrong with her that she has to work so hard to get a man.

    2. Take pride in who you are without constantly competing with other women. There is nothing wrong with being competitive when it comes to career,
    education and sports. But competing with other women for the man you want is the fastest way to repel a man.

    When you feel the need to compete with others what you are saying to a man is that you aren’t good enough, and have to prove yourself in order to get his love.

    Men are pre-programmed to compete with other men in order to get women. When you start competing with other women for a man this sends him an instant signal – there is something entirely wrong with this relationship; it just doesn’t feel right.

    The good news is that once you stop trying to compete with other women for his affection he will feel that there is something different about you. He will become curious about you, and he will want
    to know more about you.

    He then will want to spend more time with you and to get to know you better.

    He will think, ‘hmmm, there is just something different about her; I don’t know what it is, and I can’t put
    a finger on it; but I want to invest more time in her and explore it further.’

    3. Stop playing repulsive mind games.

    When you play ‘hard to get’, or ‘mind games’ men know it. When you play hard to get what you show
    a guy is that you aren’t good enough to genuinely attract a man, and that you are so ashamed of yourself the way you are that you have to pretend
    to be something you are not in order to hook a guy.

    Your good intentions become a ‘hidden agenda’ as far as he is concerned. And sensing a ‘hidden agenda’ is the greatest men repellent.
    Kindest Regards,

    Elaine M.D.
    The Dating and Relationship Author



  7.  #7Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 7:07 am

    Goodmorning πŸ™‚

    I love Rori’s visualization tools…they are brilliant!

    I’m starting to think that I do have intimacy issues…that I’m the opposite of flypaper…what would that be??

    Pipeliner wants us to be committed and to move forward…but I don’t feel sure about him…he wants marriage and I don’t at this point…he said that as soon as things get “real” then I run. I would like to believe I’m following my intuition

    Hotpilot and I went to dinner on Friday night and it felt really good…then yesterday he came over and I asked him to go to Bikram Yoga with me…and it felt AWESOME! I love that he is game to do those things with me πŸ™‚ Things feel good…but at the same time I WANT to date other men

    NoCall NoShow man from last Friday night texted me yesterday saying “I am so sorry…I had to leave the country at the last minute…I just got back..Can I please make it up to you??” and he said he is not the type to stand someone up…
    and he actually sounds legit!! (they all do don’t they lol) but I have nothing to lose so I agreed to let him call me tonight πŸ™‚



  8.  #8Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 7:18 am

    FW…I like post 6…
    just an update..I did end up calling Familyman and using a soft inviting voice shared how I was feeling and that I wasn’t playing hard to get and that I felt vulnerable with him but I want us to be able to communicate …not over text..

    I never heard back from him…I feel ok about it though…down the river he goes…

    sometimes I think men think I’m “playing” hard to get when I’m just being my siren self and not initiating

    I just don’t think they are used to women having a high degree of difficulty?? but I feel good having learned the “Rori Way” πŸ™‚



  9.  #9Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 7:30 am

    So Pipeliner had totally stepped up…he’s trying to get a job in my city…he wants to talk on the phone and text every day…he always tells me how much he loves me…

    I don’t feel the same way…sometimes I feel smothered…I do share that with him…

    I have tried to “end” it a few times because I don’t want to lead him on…but he won’t have it…he has made up his mind that I’m the one..

    Do I just keep going with this?? Hoping that things will change for me? I don’t know what to do….I feel drained by this…he deserves more than I can give him…(am willing to give?) I feel like I worry more about his feelings than mine…that feels icky!



  10.  #10Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 7:32 am

    I meant “has” πŸ™‚



  11.  #11Camille on October 10, 2011 at 7:44 am

    Hey Sirens,
    This article is very interesting to me. The visualization of flypaper is definitely “icky” and I dont want to be flypaper LOL. But I know that I have been in the past, not wanting them to go away.

    It seems “holding on” to anything never works. Not just men.



  12.  #12Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 7:46 am

    Yes Camille n flies jus die when they get stuck on the paper. Even the word “stuck” feels bad. I don’t want anybody feelin stuck with me



  13.  #13Camille on October 10, 2011 at 7:46 am

    Jilly,
    Is he a natural gas pipeliner?



  14.  #14Camille on October 10, 2011 at 7:47 am

    Me neither Emoticon. I dont want to feel stuck or trapped like a little fly nor do I want my man to feel that way. I think the flypaper is a great analogy



  15.  #15Camille on October 10, 2011 at 7:50 am

    Jilly,
    It is YOUR feelings that are most important and you should not be worrying about what you can give him. How long and how much have you dated?



  16.  #16VW on October 10, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Wow…this is beautiful Rori!!! I love it!!!

    Thank you, thank you, thank you πŸ™‚



  17.  #17Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 7:53 am

    I agree Camille. I don’t wanna be with any man who’s fly paper either. I want a relation that feels like sum1 covered the flypaper in temur pedic material so me n my man can rest on it and then fly around 2gether 4 a while then come right back 2 lay on it 4 a while, before me go out flying again!



  18.  #18LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 7:59 am

    522; from the previous thread

    Gingersky! Put my name on the waiting list!!! Book me in for the 1st retreat!!! LOOOVVVE your idea!



  19.  #19Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:00 am

    Camille…thanks πŸ™‚ and yes he is a natural gas pipeliner πŸ™‚

    he was in my city a year ago! for about a month…and it’s been long distance ever since…we’ve known each other exactly one year and I fell hard for him…in January I would have married him if he had asked…I still continued to CD and in March I met Hotpilot…and became exclusive with Hotpilot and “ended” things with pipeliner and he then decided that he loved me and hasn’t given up since and we’ve seen eachother 2 TIMES since March LOL CRAZY!!



  20.  #20Camille on October 10, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Just thought I would like to share…..Since learning Rori’s tools ……… one of the most challenging things for me has been to do nothing, Ive always been a very independent and action oriented woman. And I mistakenly have thought how “refreshing” that should be for a man. WRONG

    This weekend I got to practice with a biggie and it all went so well I was astounded. My car broke down this Saturday and the “boy” in me started taking action to get it all taken care of then I thought Id try some techniques…so I took a breath and called my man explaining what had happened and didnt suggest nothing. Within minutes he was there to pick me up with a tow truck on the way and a mechanic called to fix my car. He picked me up with a smile on his face loaded my things out of the car took me to my home arranged a vehicle for me to drive while my car was out and took care of everything! It was fantastic. In the past I would have done all those things before I even called to let him know what had happened.
    It was easy and I felt taken care of! My pride wouldnt have allowed me to let him take care of all of it in the past! It worked and it felt great……….I love doing nothing!



  21.  #21Camille on October 10, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Jilly,
    Im wondering because My “T” is a pipeliner. We had a long distance relationship also. It can present a challenge when they are in that line of work.



  22.  #22Femininewoman on October 10, 2011 at 8:04 am

    Jilly I don’t believe you can do anything about Pipeliner. My experience has taught me that as long as the man feels good he will stay there until he is convinced that he has no chances with me. I can’t say or do anything that will change his behavior. He has to want to move on. They do when they are convinced.



  23.  #23Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:06 am

    I feel like a stuck fly with Pipeliner πŸ™ I want to be a free little fly flying around leaving sparkly fairy dust wherever I go

    I feel really angry right now
    my jaw feels tight and my forehead scrunchy
    and my tummy tight and twisty

    he’s texting me right now
    telling me he missed talking to me last night..
    he wanted me to call him and I didn’t
    grrrr
    I didn’t want to so I just texted him last night
    it feels draining “talking” or “not talking”
    I feel bad that I didn’t WANT to call him
    that feel unfair to him
    and unfair to me too



  24.  #24Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 8:11 am

    I have always been the type to do nothing. And when I say nothing I mean nothing lol. It was working well for me till I got with “ex turned CD” he called me a spoiled brat once n when he did I started trying to do for myself and for him, even everybody else, like I was really tutoring his friends!! All in the hope of getting more from him. Well all I can say is that experience really taught me!! I’m so glad I’m over that phase and back 2 being ME! The pampered little princess. I love the feeling of being pampered n my CDs facilitate!! πŸ˜€



  25.  #25Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:12 am

    FW…I agree with you..that makes sense…it just feels bad to know he is hurting…I don’t want to go into his feelings…I feel drowned by them…feels super heavy πŸ™

    Camille…yes the long distance thing..I’m not a fan of and I never “agreed” to it…no thank you! Sorry I haven’t been on here too much this summer because of work and school..(almost done with work yay!) so is “T” your man? what’s your story? πŸ™‚



  26.  #26Femininewoman on October 10, 2011 at 8:13 am

    Jilly you are thinking it is unfair. It feels draining so you were taking care of yourself by exercising your choices and honoring your feelings. Seems like now you are trying to talk yourself out of doing that. Remember you get to create the frame through which you look at things. He is a big boy, he can take care of himself. He feels good being with you/communicating with you so he wants more and more of that and is taking care of himself.



  27.  #27Femininewoman on October 10, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Camille I guess one of his needs is “feeling needed”. Was listening to an interview this morning that suggested asking what he needs to be/provide in the relationship.



  28.  #28Daria on October 10, 2011 at 8:19 am

    i love this… and i love the images of what to cover it with… ohhhhh

    yes i do this flypaper thing,

    i will be practicing covering it with sand gold dust, rose petals



  29.  #29Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:20 am

    FW….. YES YES YES πŸ™‚ thank you…feels good to hear that…I can and will take care of me…he’s taking care of him….no need for me to take care of him

    that’s been a BIG pattern in the past..when “breaking” up..I would start thinking about how bad they felt and then I’d want to “fix” it…



  30.  #30LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 8:20 am

    From the previous thread:
    A lot happened here while I was sleeping. Have a lot of catching up to do this morning. Luckily for me, it’s Thanksgiving day in Canada.

    SWEETPEA:
    Thank you for sharing! It feels so soothing to read about your weekend.
    I’m having a somewhat similar experience about myself and you’re helping me sink in it without you even knowing it.

    ALIAS GIRL:
    I feel so happy reading your vibe experience. It’s very uplifting, and you write filled w expression.

    EMERSON:
    I have no previous alias name. Lili 41 is my 1st identity here. However, I am thinking of changing it since I’m in a whole different vibe than when I first joined the blog.



  31.  #31Camille on October 10, 2011 at 8:21 am

    FW………he definitely needs to feel needed….he has verbally expressed that many times…..in fact in the past before I started doing nothing he used to say………You dont need me or any other man. LOL

    Even though Im letting him do more for me……..I still know I dont NEED a man



  32.  #32Camille on October 10, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Jilly…….no fixing, no fixing

    I can so relate I used to be a fixer.

    no fixing



  33.  #33Camille on October 10, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Hmmm…..feeling like I should re-state………..
    I used to ‘THINK’ i was fixing LOL

    All the supposed “fixing” I was doing ……… didnt fix a dang thing! LOL



  34.  #34Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:26 am

    about a week ago when Pipeliner was working in New Jersey (I’m in Utah) I shared that I needed space…he’s like I’m 3000 miles away…I said “Cosmic Space” I feel smothered…he gave me some space and it felt better more like a dance in the relationship bubble…

    so anyway it’s the “vibe” we can feel …so I know men can feel it too…feels interesting…even across the freakin country πŸ™‚



  35.  #35Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:28 am

    yes…no fixing!! πŸ™‚ cause it doesn’t fix anything



  36.  #36Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Trying to fix felt like chasing 2 me this weekend πŸ™



  37.  #37Camille on October 10, 2011 at 8:30 am

    Jilly,
    How synchronistic, “pipeliner” and Im in Utah also! hehe



  38.  #38Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 8:33 am

    Flypaper, yes! Fairy dust and rose petals! Exactly the tool I need right now. I was feeling in awe last night about feeling scared to really let a man in and then realizing I can do this. Just like with TTG, I can love a man and it doesn’t mean he’s the “be all, end all.” Wow! I just commented on all of this on the last thread – about this big epiphany I was teetering on and then like magic, today I get the perfect tool to baby-step me through this. I feel excited! Thanks Rori! Woohoo! This is an amazing journey I’m on!



  39.  #39Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:34 am

    Emoticon…yay for feeling pampered…I love feeling like a pampered little princess πŸ™‚

    Camille…lol too funny



  40.  #40Camille on October 10, 2011 at 8:36 am

    So Jilly, so you are not exclusive with Hot Pilot right now? or exclusive with any of them. Your CDing right?



  41.  #41Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Lili41,

    Thank you! Nothing feels so gratifying to me as knowing that being open and sharing not only helps me, but is also helpful to someone else. Being open is something I’ve had to consciously work on – not just with men, but sharing of myself in general. I can’t believe how much more open I feel toward everyone, and toward love in general these last few months. Your experiences have been speaking to and helping me as well! Thank you for sharing!



  42.  #42Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 8:45 am

    Camille…yep…no exclusivity here…just CDing πŸ™‚

    Hotpilot and I were exclusive from March til Junish…I didn’t think we were on the same page so we went our separate ways until about a month ago we’ve been back in touch and I thought he just wanted to be buddies until last week he told me he really liked me and wanted it to work…so he’s been super romantic and attentive…it feels good right now…

    I’m not sleeping with him…the sex wasn’t very good between us…and I’m a pretty sexual woman πŸ™‚ so that’s really important to me… I feel best waiting to sleep with him as of right now…but he is super duper sexy to me… feels kind of weird to have that combo



  43.  #43Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Jilly – I feel like I could write a lot to you about your situation and how you’re feeling. But right now, all I want to say is, I understand exactly how you feel. We WANT a guy who wants us so much that he wants to be with us and talk to us all the time. But at the same time, it can feel “smothering.” Hopefully, with the “right” guy, we will feel wanted and loved, without feeling smothered. But you might look into your feelings and see if there isn’t some kind of “fear” going on there – fear of intimacy, or of being loved, or anything like that. It may help you relax and just enjoy the fact that he likes you. Because I am guessing that if you ran away or pushed him away, you wouldn’t feel any better. Sounds like you are doing the right sireny things!



  44.  #44Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 8:55 am

    FW, re: 6 – Also something I needed reinforced this morning. Thank you for posting it! Showing my authentic self feels “wow!” to me right now. Being authentic feels vulnerable to me and vulnerability is something I had very low tolerance for in the past. Vulnerable still feels scary to me, but scary in an exhilirating, free way – like learning to fly. Hmmm.



  45.  #45LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Sweetpea:

    Think of the hawk, look at it and listen to it. How do you feel when you hear it and look at it? What feelings does it inspire? What does it represent to you?

    To me, it’s got a noble posture. It’s strong and focused, it inspires me to respect it. It’s voice is clear, makes me want to stand still and listen. It’s free to fly wherever it wants to find what it’s looking for.



  46.  #46alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 9:10 am

    rori uses the most lovely imagery. i just love this.

    xoxo

    i mean what man wouldn’t want a little fairy dust on his shoulder after visiting with us? a little refreshing mist on his face from our fountain?

    to feel loved and accepted for exactly who he is…



  47.  #47alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 9:11 am

    #2 emoticon

    burned! lol.



  48.  #48Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 9:12 am

    @ Alias Girl LMAO!!!! Second place isn’t all that bad πŸ™‚



  49.  #49LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 9:15 am

    Hmmm…The 1st thing that comes to mind reading this post is the expression “Catch more flies w honey”.

    I’ve had the flies w honey in my head for years, but I keep using the flypaper.

    I spent the 1st 7 years of my childhood on a farm. The family I was with were the “catch more flies w honey” type of people. However they had flypaper hanging all over the house. So many flies attracted to a dairy farm!



  50.  #50alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 9:16 am

    #9 jilly i feel curious about your situation. i feel good you shared.

    how does a siren deal with such a situation?

    i liked tiffany’s response. didnt tiffany used to be someone else. all these sirens changing names. i cant keep track. i feel bad.



  51.  #51Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 9:18 am

    Tiffany…awww…thanks πŸ™‚

    yes..I have gone around and around….is this me and my fear of intimacy?? or is he really not the man for me??? is this timing?? or is this me? if he did this different would it feel different???

    lol….uggggg …big deep breath…

    I think it’s a little of both to be honest…I don’t know that he’s the one for me…I do feel some worry about pushing him away cause there is a part of me that fears intimacy…



  52.  #52alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 9:19 am

    #20 camille that is so beautiful!!!! thanks for sharing!



  53.  #53Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 9:21 am

    Lili 41,

    Noble, yes. Strong. Mostly I find it ironic that I was feeling like I was letting my authentic self out of the cage in that moment, then heard the hawk. In an unexpected setting. Mostly when I dig deeper into that, I think they’re a prey bird. A fantastic, amazing, but ruthless and accurate hunter. I’m not really sure how I feel around that imagery. They’re wild and beautiful and free, but they can be tamed and trained to an extent. Hmmm. My feelings have felt like some wild, caged creature for a long time. I always kind of thought of them as a bunny, locked up safe and tight. Maybe they’re not so helpless as a bunny. Maybe they’re more like a regal, strong hawk and can take care of themselves. Interesting. Thanks!



  54.  #54alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 9:22 am

    #30 lili 41 THANK YOU!!! πŸ™‚



  55.  #55LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Feel like I had honey in the head and flypaper in the heart.

    Notice I wrote “had” – in the past. I feel my heart filling w sweet soft gooey honey right now, pushing out the sticky stiff flypaper.

    I want to swich it around where the honey is in my heart and the flypaper in my head, so I can FEEL the honey but see the flypaper for what it is.

    I feel weird about what I wrote. Like you all wont understand and think it’s weird. That’s OK, I love being weird and different.



  56.  #56Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 9:26 am

    @20, Camille – Wow! I love that feeling of being looked after. I feel in awe of and inspired by this. Very cool!



  57.  #57Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 9:32 am

    AG…thank you πŸ™‚ It feels good to share πŸ™‚ I like reading your posts πŸ™‚

    So I texted pipeliner

    I don’t want to be in an exclusive long distance relationship…I’ve never agreed to it..but I feel like thats what we are..I know you are trying to make it not long distance but that could take years..I dont feel good about waiting..and I’m not willing to do that even for a day…it doesn’t feel good to me πŸ™ and I don’t know if it would work out even if you were here..that feels draining and confusing..I want to feel relaxed and just enjoy each other

    HIM: All I wanted to do was talk to you? why do you always make it so much more?? its waaay simpler…just talk with me. That’s it…while all that other stuff is important..I just want you to talk to me..you make it like this overwhelming thing..why can’t we take it one day at a time?

    awww…part of me feels melty reading his text…this is what has kept us dating…

    then there is the part where he says “take it one day at a time” but it doesn’t “feel” that way to me πŸ™ Is it because I’ve moved on…and most of the time I just have “friendship” feelings?

    I feel all soupy..good bad sad happy confused meh hopeful scared….



  58.  #58Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 9:35 am

    LILI 41 @49….catch more flies with honey…I love that! πŸ™‚



  59.  #59Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 9:35 am

    His response made me feel good too Jilly lol



  60.  #60Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Emoticon..ya…like WOW! πŸ™‚



  61.  #61Esteemed on October 10, 2011 at 9:52 am

    I have been super glue flypaper for far too long. I’m going to become a sandy beach. Nice, vacationy place to visit, welcome to come or go, soft and warm.

    Bye, flypaper. You did your best for a very long time. But I like being a sandy beach by the bay better. No one likes to be caught in flypaper.



  62.  #62Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 9:55 am

    esteemed..how can anyone resist a soft warm sandy beach??? πŸ™‚ I like it



  63.  #63Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 9:59 am

    I just responded to Pipeliner that I felt happy and melty by his response…and I like feeling that way πŸ™‚



  64.  #64Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 10:06 am

    Jilly,

    This is my feeling around this, not to be mistaken for how I think you’re feeling, or what you should do. Just something your situation is bringing boiling up to the surface for me.

    I’ve been feeling resistant to the moment by moment. I want to know where things are going. I keep wanting to jump ahead to the end of the game! But there is no end to the game. I keep thinking of marriage as the finish line – “whew! I’m here. I made it!” But it’s not the finish line – it’s just the beginning. What comes after that, are the moments together, the moments shared, the life to live. What my life is now, is moments – moments that feel like they’re passing too quickly when I look back at them, but for now they’re perfect.

    I’m having a hard time verbalizing this and really this is another one of those epiphanies that I feel like I’m on the precipice of. For an example, this weekend, I kept wanting to jump ahead – to know where this is going or where it’s not going. I want to read the end of the book to decide if it’s worth starting in the first place (which I never do in real life, because that just spoils the rest of the book). And thinking ahead of where I was at is what was scaring me. I almost ruined a wonderful weekend and some very good therapy because I was scared to know where it was going, but I wanted to know it was going somewhere. When I forgot all of that, and just settled into the moment, where I’m at now, how I was feeling in that moment, I felt calm and peaceful. The reality is, I don’t need to know where things are going, and I don’t want to skip ahead. This isn’t anything I was cognizant of at the time, but once I let all the thoughts of future go, just sunk into my feelings and just let myself be in the moment, that’s when the magic happened. That’s when I felt myself relaxing, all the tightness leaving my body, and the real growth begin. I let go, not of any expectations of the outcome so much, as just letting go of the outcome, period. What I felt in the moment, once I let go of all the fear around things moving too fast or moving too slow, or maybe not moving at all – of becoming emotionally involved when I don’t even know how things will turn out or where they’re headed, is when I felt free to just be me. To be, in that moment, able to appreciate simply being alive and nurtured. It freed me in an intense and significant way, to just be myself and not try to be some future version of myself. It was lovely and much more meaningful as it turns out, than any time with any man I can recall. Because I’ve always been trying to rush to the end of the book instead of enjoying the chapter I’m currently in.

    There’s still a lot that’s coming of to the surface for me, and I suppose once it all boils up and I understand it better myself I’ll be able to express it better. Thank you for bringing to my attention another big transformation brewing in this Siren.



  65.  #65Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Jilly,

    πŸ˜€ Reading your comments brings to mind a rose unfurling it’s petals in the warming sunlight of spring.



  66.  #66Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Maybe this is something that I need to heal…this going into “his” business…like Byron Katie talks about…

    I need to worry about his feelings is it true? yes
    Can I absolutely know that it’s true? no
    who would I be without this thought? I would feel free, I would feel more soft and loving
    can you find a reason to keep this thought? no
    turn it around
    I don’t need to worry about his feelings
    I don’t need to worry about my feelings
    I don’t need to worry about feelings
    I don’t need to worry

    I need to worry is it true…yes
    can I absolutely know that it’s true…no
    who would I be without this thought…FREE, expansive, happy, loving, trusting, abundant
    can I see a reason to keep this thought…no
    turn it around…
    I don’t need to worry

    hmmm I don’t feel the release of the “need to worry”
    I love my worry lol
    there it is ….I look forward to worrying lol I felt the release there
    I enjoy worrying πŸ™‚



  67.  #67LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Wooowww SweetPea!

    I was overwhelmed w fear last night after having spent a wonderful 3 or 4 days of receiving the results of my shifted vibe.
    Your sharing is making me feel more secure.
    Fear of the outcome turns me into flypaper.



  68.  #68Jilly on October 10, 2011 at 10:28 am

    Awww.. Sweetpea..thanks for sharing about your weekend…it felt so open and authentic and beautiful…I feel happy you were able to “let go” and just enjoy…feels refreshing..I love that feeling of being on the “edge” of something (precipice) πŸ™‚



  69.  #69Femininewoman on October 10, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Jilly I spent a lot of time worrying in the past. I have found it has not changed anything for me and I feel more peaceful letting go of things now.



  70.  #70LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 10:47 am

    As many of us, The Notebook is a very inspiring movie to me.
    Today, I just feel like staying on my cushy sofa in my PJs sinking into such a movie.
    The Nb started playing on tv within half an hour of waking up on Saturday morning and I stayed glued to it. I have the dvd, but I would like to see a new one that would inspire me to sink into and make me feel all warm and cozy.

    Does anyone of you know of such a movie comparable to the Notebook?



  71.  #71LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 10:53 am

    I brought work home w me so I could get ready for the 4 day week ahead…uuurrrkk. I don’t feel like it at all.
    I would feel much better and more energized if I just took advantage of this day off to rest and get all absorbed into myself. I will be quite sollicited in the upcoming days and it will feel good to treat myself to a relaxing me day today.



  72.  #72Camille on October 10, 2011 at 10:54 am

    Such a great “vibe shift” when you dont attach your self to the outcome. Or try to figure things out. I am so much more at peace when I dont try to “make” things happen a certain way or predict an outcome. So relaxing to just be.



  73.  #73Camille on October 10, 2011 at 10:57 am

    Lili, I love the notebook, I also feel inspired when I watch “Meet Joe Black” theres another one called “the holiday”
    ooooh so many that I love Ill keep thinking



  74.  #74Camille on October 10, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Lili,
    how about “A walk to remember”



  75.  #75LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Thanks Camille! I’m on the web looking for the trailers and descriptions right now.

    Went chanel surfing on tv and found – Ryan and Tatum, The Oneils…Father-daughter reunion where they are trying to reconnect and reunite after a 25-year fallout.



  76.  #76Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2011 at 11:33 am

    Hello, world. How did all these people get ahead of me? LOL
    πŸ˜†

    I’m still thankful.

    xoxo



  77.  #77LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Camille,

    Just saw the trailer for A Walk to Remember. I’ll go out to the video store & rent it.

    Thanks again!



  78.  #78Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2011 at 11:59 am

    From another thread:

    832: Rick says:

    I am a man, I saw your site and thought a woman would probably be my best help. So here it goes. I am married
    for 27 years. For the past 10 years my wife and I grew apart. We talked about it, went for counseling and realized we are not in love any more. We live like best friends and roommates. Not like a husband and wife. My wife also over these 10 years has lost interest in sex, she blames it on early menopausal issues. So we decided to divorce. We are both fine in all this. Here is the problem, I met a woman 4 years ago and started a friendship with her that grew into a love relationship between us. Even though it was against both our principles we made love and fell in love. My girlfriend knew all up front,except shethought our divorce would have been faster, which is my fault because I wanted my wife to initiate the process. Before I met this woman four years ago my wife said she wanted a divorce.
    So I waited for her to initiate the process, not knowing I would fall for another woman. The reason for the delay in our divorce was financial, too many things hit all at once.
    You name it it happened, my daughter was going to college, the economy got bad, my investments tanked on me, and job loss. So now I am in the process of my divorce but my girlfriend feels she fell out of love with me. She feels I should have moved it faster for us to be together. Now she tells me that she does not want sex which we have been holding off of any way and says get the divorce and we will see how she feels after this. Now in between all this she has been true to me and I true to her. She mentioned that somebody was interested in courting her and asked me how I felt? I said I am in love with her and her only and asked her not to let anybody in between.
    I want to marry her and have a family with her. So far she has not let anybody in. As per her request, she just wants to see eachother as friends which is what we are doing. We get together play tennis, go to a movie, have dinner etc. Her rule is no intamacy till I am divorced, I agreed. I am in love with her no doubt, I know she loves me no doubt.
    I just wonder can she fall back in love with me? How do I handle this? I don’t want to lose her. How do I keep her without pressuring her? I don’t want to smother her yet I want her to know I am there for her. How do I reassure her of this as I go through the process of divorce. I am finding my relationship with her tougher than the divorce because as a man I don’t know if I am reading her right. I lover so much and she knows it, yet I feel I could lose her if I don’t play my cards right. I hope you can help me. Signed, Rick, A man lost in love as he goes through a divorce.

    Monday, 10 October 2011 @ 10:45am

    833: Rusty says:

    Rick, I haven’t been to this site for a long time but this thread I am subscribed to so I got an email showing your post. What you need to do is post this in the latest blog.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/

    Go to the top blog post and click on the comments and you will get to the comment section on that blog post that is just like this comment section. The ladies here basically move to the comment section of each new blog post. Very few if any will even see this comment, so copy and paste it in the newest blog’s comment section.

    Good luck with your situation.

    Monday, 10 October 2011 @ 11:11am



  79.  #79Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I love The Notebook so much last time I watched it I watched it twice!



  80.  #80Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 12:03 pm

    Rori’s analogy reminds me of something my dad used to say: “you’ll attract more flies with rotten meat.”

    So I’d say, “yeah, but you’ll catch more flies with honey.”

    (I think that’s the more traditional phrase.)

    Not that we really want our flies drowning in honey. But maybe if we’re not too “sticky,” they’ll keep coming back for more… πŸ˜‰



  81.  #81alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    #76 SVL burned 75 times!!! lol.



  82.  #82Mel on October 10, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Sweetpea,

    Thanks for the book analogy! That really hit home for me. I love to read and would never think of reading the last chapter to see how the book will end. Sometimes I even stop reading a good book for a while because I don’t WANT it to end!

    I want my life to be like that. I want to be curious and open to whatever unfolds. I want to appreciate every moment- even the sad ones. I want to try out new things, even if I fail. I want to receive love and kindness and allow others to experience joy being in my soft feminine presence. I want my life to be an adventure because it’s the only life I have. I want to be a book without an ending.



  83.  #83Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    Camille I saw a movie on TV recently with Catherine Zeta Jones called “No Reservations”…it was really good! I think it’s one of those made for TV movies…but maybe you could find it anyway. I would totally watch it again, and I usually don’t like those types of movies.



  84.  #84Senior Lady Vibe on October 10, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    @81: alias girl

    Awwww, that’s OK. I always show up…sooner or later…

    πŸ˜€

    xoxo



  85.  #85Esteemed on October 10, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    Lili,

    I found A Walk to Remember very sad and depressing.



  86.  #86Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Jilly & Lili41, Thank you. This is all still unfolding for me and I feel excited about it.

    Mel, Lol! Exactly. I don’t put a book down to prolong the experience, but maybe that would be good practice.

    All,

    I just found out my good friend and dogsitter passed this morning after a short (but painful) fight with liver cancer. He went into Hospice Thursday and I only found out about it because I had a feeling things were bad & contacted his son. (My ex-bf, TTG and current casual CD – no benes – sent a sweet text & then called to let me know that he passed. I didn’t really expect him to be available for hugs through this, but look at that! Here he is).

    Funny thing is, on Thurs, I felt like Ken (my friend) wouldn’t make it through the weekend. Then this morning, about 10, it felt like he was here saying “so long” to my dog (hey were actually much closer than he and I were). I’m feeling kind of numb, but teary. I’m off to meet with a mutual friend and I guess comisserate, even though he’s no longer in pain and in a better place now. This has all happened so fast – just 2 months ago he was dog-sitting and sharing pics with me of my dog doing cute things. I don’t know how I would have made it without him this past year. And now he’s gone.

    I’ll be back later to this lovely serene moment, but no I’m off for some moment-to-moment that I’m not looking so forward to.



  87.  #87Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Jilly & Lili41, Thank you. This is all still unfolding for me and I feel excited about it.

    Mel, Lol! Exactly. I don’t put a book down to prolong the experience, but maybe that would be good practice.

    All,

    I just found out my good friend and dogsitter passed this morning after a short (but painful) fight with liver cancer. He went into Hospice Thursday and I only found out about it because I had a feeling things were bad & contacted his son. (My ex-bf, TTG and current casual CD – no benes – sent a sweet text & then called to let me know that he passed. I didn’t really expect him to be available for hugs through this, but look at that! Here he is).

    Funny thing is, on Thurs, I felt like Ken (my friend) wouldn’t make it through the weekend. Then this morning, about 10, it felt like he was here saying “so long” to my dog (hey were actually much closer than he and I were). I’m feeling kind of numb, but teary. I’m off to meet with a mutual friend and I guess comisserate, even though he’s no longer in pain and in a better place now. This has all happened so fast – just 2 months ago he was dog-sitting and sharing pics with me of my dog doing cute things. I don’t know how I would have made it without him this past year. And now he’s gone.

    I’ll be back later to this lovely serene island later, but now I’m off for some moment-to-moment that I’m not looking so forward to.



  88.  #88Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Oops! Sorry for the double post – ignore the first one – the second one is the edited version.



  89.  #89Sweetpea on October 10, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Lili 41,

    I like Under the Tuscan Sun.



  90.  #90Camille on October 10, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Oh yes sweet pea thats one of my fav’s too! Love that movie.



  91.  #91Camille on October 10, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Sweet Pea………sorry to hear about your dog sitter. Hugs to you and your dog.



  92.  #92LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Thanks for the movie ideas Sirens!

    I spent a whole hour at the movie store. 3 older movies for 5.99 and I can keep them for 7 days.

    I was going around the isles checking out the dvds…and came accross a cute guy in one of the isles. He checked me over and then started to suggest movies to me. He asked which ones I had picked already and gave me a quick commentary about all of them as he already saw them…and they are romantic comedies πŸ˜‰

    D better keep steppin it up. Hmmm, he’s gone all week and single coworker’s coming back from vacation tomorrow…hmmm, hmmm, hmmm. πŸ˜‰

    Nice to know I still got it πŸ˜‰ I had just thrown on my most comfy clothes: yellow t shirt, jeans shorts, silver sandals and a white purse…all mismatched colours. I had just washed & dried my hair, it was a big puffy dry frizzy mess. and no makeup.

    I just don’t know what it is, but it’s been that way since I seperated from the last comitted relationship 3 years ago. Guys come to me everywhere: at the supermarket, at the movie store, at work, in a nightclub. I haven’t been as self conscious about my looks and I don’t doll-up as much since that splitt up 3 years ago, but for some reason I attract a lot of men. I mean from all over…I had a man pursue me at a weekend seminar and dated him for a month…I met D through friends…I litterally mean everywhere!
    and they stick if I let them (until it gets serious, that’s when they poof).

    When I got divorced 10 years ago, I found myself to be a lot more attractive physically than I am now and I would pay a lot more attention to my appearance…and no one would approach me, not even on a dating website!

    Those vibes are a funny thing, and in my case, they have nothing to do with fashionable looks. OK, I look fine, but don’t put as much effort into it now.



  93.  #93LILI 41 on October 10, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    So I got:

    He’s Just Not That Into You
    A Walk to Remember
    Sex in the City 2

    Thanks SweetPea, but I already saw Under the Tuscan Sun.

    I’ll let you know what feelings these bring out.



  94.  #94Ella on October 10, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    CD1 took me on an afternoon date today. He is the one who I met in the petrol station and he hasn’t stopped calling or texting since (which feels great).

    He is the one who said he misses me even though we hadn’t been on a date yet.

    Today we did.

    He asked me a few times before last minute to meet up and I was busy, so this time he booked me in advance.

    Today he called me and just asked for my address to come and pick me up… none of this ‘where shall we meet, who is coming to who’ malarky.

    So he came and go me in his car and then we went and walked around a reservoir and then sat in the car for a bit.

    It felt nice.

    He said he really likes me and he can’t understand why I am not married yet.

    He asked me loads of questions about me.

    And then I found out that he is still living with his ex.

    Also, the man in the petrol station is a bit of a gossip and was asking questions when he saw us together and then said to me ‘he is a bit of a ladies man’.

    Hmmm.

    Ok.

    Well the official story is that he and his ex are not together and something about how the house is massively in negative equity and or something…

    I don’t know wasn’t really listening as much by then.

    So I am asking myself about this one… like do I continue to CD him?

    They are not and never were married.

    I think my answer is yes for now, and as long as it feels good WHILST still CD-ing others.

    Because the point is he can lavish attention on me, take me on dates etc… and none of it matters as I am not his until I have a ring on my finger (or some such comittment). So I can allow him to do that and recieve, until such time as it begins to feel bad or the above.

    Hmmm, feels like a weird new way of doing things, however feels good too.

    I feel powerful and like my heart has protection from CD-ing because I know I never belong to a man until there is comittment, so it makes everything else so much less important, all except how I am feeling and practicing.

    And I think this is going to be a great chance for practicing recieving and feeling worthy because of how he has treated me so far.

    There is also a lot of physical contact from him, in way of cuddling, hand stroking, affection etc. And a lot of eye contact.

    And he said few things about feeling connected in a way he hadn’t with a woman before, and also about feeling excited about a possible new relationship.

    So it could all just mean he is a very experienced ladies man… however it doesn’t really matter, as long as it feels good and is all practice.

    Great chance for me to work on my self esteem in the presence of a man, esp as he has money and I can sometimes feel ‘less than’ around people with money.

    I feel fascinated by him and so far good in and out of his prescence, although slightly uncomfortable and suspicious of his situation (which I told him)

    Feeling Happy, Contented Siren right now.

    Feeling warm and cherished after the date.

    πŸ™‚



  95.  #95Ella on October 10, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    Oh and he is older… 41. And not the type of guy I would normally go for at all.

    And yet I do find him atractive.

    Really attractive! Yum πŸ™‚



  96.  #96Ella on October 10, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Oh and CD2, who I had a date with last week and then he disappeared over the weekend, he showed back up with a text, and a pretty good excuse I have to say in that he got a stick in his eye at work and had to be taken to hospital and operated on.

    Luckily he has not lost his sight.

    He texted today and I was so busy working, and then with my date, that I did not respond until really late this evening, which I felt a little bit guilty about… and I just didn’t have time!



  97.  #97Ella on October 10, 2011 at 5:10 pm

    No other real CDs in rotation at the moment I don’t think, although there are a few stragglers hanging on around the fringes… which is fine.

    I feel excited that I have drawn in some different men this time and feel curious to know what messages they have for me.

    Thank You.



  98.  #98Daria on October 10, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    I am feeling sad a bit

    I love my sadness

    I am feeling frustrated

    I love my frownstruataion

    that feels like yawning

    i love my yawn

    that feels like a quick smile,

    i love my quick smile

    that feels like hehe

    i love my hihi

    that feels like hihihi

    i love my hihihih

    that feels like ywaning

    i love my ywaning

    that feels like

    hehheh

    i love my ehehhe

    that feels like

    hehehee

    i love my hehehhee

    that feels like a BIG yawn

    i love my big yawn

    that feels like

    hehehuhh

    i love my heheheuh

    that feels like neck popping

    i love mhy neck popping

    that feels like yawning

    i love my yawning



  99.  #99Starla on October 10, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    Soft golden sand! Yes! Shimmering and warmed by a a late afternoon sun that sets only when I ask it to.

    Yum, thanks, Rori!

    Now imagining that there is a cool ocean all around me and my soft, golden, sandy heart-scape. I’m basking in the sunlight that reflects off the water. I can see a small sailboat’s silhouette not all that far in the distance.

    I am literally siren island now, hehe.



  100.  #100Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    94 @ Ella
    I feel scared and wide eyed reading about that the guy still lives with his ex. 😯

    I’ve had that situation before and it never turned out well. I don’t want to tell you what to do or burst your bubble at all, but I felt a sinking feeling reading it.

    Recycled is “roommates” with his “ex” that he only dated for “two weeks” but they are supposedly not together. I didn’t know about this roommate situation when we reconnected. He has all kinds of financial reasons for it but then apparently the girl stopped paying rent, and he wanted her out. Well she is still there. I feel annoyed that he puts a roof over her head but not MINE. So that’s why we are not having sex.

    Then I read on the blog about how guys can change how they feel about us on a dime…from bad to good, etc…, and I wonder is it that way with “her” too? I hate it.

    That’s part of why I’m so annoyed with him. It feels bad. Very bad.

    I wish I could just cut him off and walk away. But now I’m attached.



  101.  #101Starla on October 10, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    Where’s Mel:)? I dunno if we’re still officially Team Lean Back, but I’ve been leaning back anyway :D. Noticing the desire to lean forward rather than take care of myself first. I am going to take care of myself and see how I feel then.

    I haven’t leaned forward all day but I sure do miss him (CD1)!

    Was daydreaming about him coming over, spending time with me, making me feel yummy all over as usual. And that’s okay! It’s a great sign when you daydream about spending more time with a certain someone who likes you and treats you well! It can be just that, a sweet snack to carry me over until the next time there is a man in front of me. In the meantime, I must take care of myself! And not let something so sweet turn into anxiety and fear of my daydreams not coming true, like I used to!

    Gosh I have shifted so much! I can feel my heart opening, and feeling grateful for the yummy daydreams as opposed to feeling angry or afraid or sad that I wasn’t getting all that at that exact moment when I wanted it. Afraid that I had these yummy thoughts that would turn out to be foolish fantasies that would never come true. I was soooo afraid. It made me act really unattractive and ungrateful. Still, these men persisted. But I never felt quite right. What a shift!

    How lovely that circular dating has finally shifted this!



  102.  #102Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    Starla and Mel. Can I join team lean back? I will feel less inclined to lean forward knowing I will be giving you Sirens my report because I would wanna have a good report. I leaned forward over the weekend



  103.  #103Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I actually don’t mind leaning forward when I am all Goddessy abt it. But I did it in a needy way lol.



  104.  #104Starla on October 10, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Emoticon, I lean forward in goddessy ways too. I come here to post when I feel like leaning forward out of neediness. I row the boat sometimes, so I am finding men who enjoy rowing the boat but aren’t turned off by how I enjoy rowing the boat every once in a while and how good it makes me feel.



  105.  #105alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    i feel like running far away.

    i feel overwhelmed.

    i feel forcing myself not to.

    i feel like spitting.

    i suddenly CANT STAND this cd stuff.

    because men want to meet
    and get close
    and are interested
    and it is bringing up
    all kinds of uncomfortable feelings.

    like

    wanting to spit. lol.



  106.  #106alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    im actually kind of glad my phone is broken.

    i probably did it unconsiously on purpose somehow.

    i mean, the timing of it does seem uncanny. lol

    i ordered a new phone online today. it will take a few days to get here.

    i dont mind. even though i do hope this one works!



  107.  #107Starla on October 10, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    CD1 just called and I felt familiar dysfunctional pangs of jealousy!! He is up in the mountains at the casino with his family! And even though he called while out and busy cuz he was thinking of ME, I thought “omg, why didn’t he invite me? what if he meets another girl up there? what if he and his family are talking about me??” But I didn’t let the trigger control me! I got off the phone when I was ready and now I’m going to take care of me. And feel great that my man called while he was busy cuz he was thinking of ME! Lovely me! hehe. And not scared and insecure like I used to!

    Seriously, ladies, I’ve caused some major drama with this trigger.

    Hahahahahah B*ITCHES (not you guys, the proverbial “b*tches”)!!!! Hahahah! I can catch me in my triggers!! I don’t have to turn into a big insecure mess! Hahahahah I am so winning at this!

    I know in my heart and mind and soul that there is absolutely nothing to be jealous of in this situation and I feel great!



  108.  #108Starla on October 10, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    106 alias girl

    sometimes my phone breaks or loses service when I don’t pay the bill on time (i’m a flake and a half), and I LOVE it. It feels like I have more air to breathe.



  109.  #109alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    wow i just shared honestly with a guy and i thought ok, this is definitely going to turn him off.

    but he was ok and relaxed and easy going and i feel relief and that made me feel more attracted to him. like was wasnt trying to flypaper me.

    which i do feel a little of with the “step up” guy. i’ll have to name that cd. i will call him…. seemslikeagoodguycd.

    oh i hope my new higher quality cds i am attracting are all like this… just easy going and understanding and not trying to lock me down.

    i dont want to feel overwhelmed or trapped.

    i need slow and easy breezy.



  110.  #110alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    #107 starla yes, catching myself before i REACT to my triggers feels really good to me too. like even just now i just sat with the feelings instead of just shutting down and fleeing. and then i shared what was REALLY going on with me. and it worked out nice.

    yae for you for all your siren progress! it is joyful to watch and hear about.



  111.  #111alias girl lol on October 10, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    ok, one tiny babystep for my siren self. go self! i am going to take a break now from being online!

    i cant WAIT til my life does not revolve around being on this computer! that will feel ssssosoooooooo good.



  112.  #112Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Ella
    I feel self conscious about what I wrote in 100,,,,
    I know you are an intelligent woman and can figure out the situation for yourself. And no two situations are alike.
    Hoping you are not offended.
    πŸ™‚



  113.  #113Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    It feels bad when a guy tries to flypaper me. I don’t like it at all. Will think about that next time I try to flypaper someone.

    I love flypaper. It’s so gross and disgusting to look at with all the flies stuck to it hanging from the ceiling, lolololol, but it makes me laugh. Haha the flies are caught and not in my sandwich….lololollolololololololo



  114.  #114Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    Go AGlol…you have it going on girrrlll…..
    with all ur CDs!! 😯
    Loving the updates….

    Gawsh I wish I had known about CDing before when I had so many guys trying to get with me….I need to get that vibe back and meet some more guys. LOL I used to meet a lot of guys in nightclubs! I actually met two short term “boyfriends” in my 20s that I met at a club!!

    They were nice guys too. I met many more…and now I am a lil bit older I don’t go out that much.

    MAYBE I SHOULD!! I like meeting guys at a bar rather than online. LOL LOL LOL



  115.  #115Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    I like meeting guys at the store lol idk y



  116.  #116Achoo on October 10, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    I’ve been reading a lot but I’ve never posted – I’m totally new. But… I need help.

    P and I had our first date three months ago. We had sex about a month in, probably after 10 or so dates. In past relationships, I’ve always insisted on exclusivity before sex, but for some reason with him, I didn’t. I thought we were on a really great, open path, and that the conversation would happen soon enough. He is always available to me, and we’ve spent time together 2-4 times a week since we met.

    Despite his eagerness to spend time with me, I still feel like he’s holding me at arm’s length, and the exclusivity conversation never happened. I made an attempt to start it once – A few weeks after we started having sex, I told him that if he was having sex with anyone else, I’d be concerned for my health. He said he wasn’t having sex with anyone else, but didn’t ask me the same question in return… and it certainly didn’t prompt the conversation I wanted.

    We haven’t talked about our ‘relationship’ at all, and I’m filled with anxiety because I want exclusivity with him, but he’s not bringing it up. I don’t know if he’s being guarded (something he said to me once when we were drunk – about comparing what I do with what he does… why would I want to be with him? he said), or if he literally has no interest in a serious relationship with me. I’m thinking the latter and I want to know and end things because my boundaries are not ok with having a casual sexual relationship with someone I care about deeply.

    Per Rori’s advice, I have continued to date others (much to the dismay of my friends, who know how much I like P). P knows I’m dating other people, yet he does nothing about it. I do not think he is dating anyone else – he’s never sketchy and never unavailable, and I just don’t get that “feeling” that he’s seeing anyone else. But he’s certainly not all over me – sometimes he doesn’t answer my texts at all, which drives me up the wall. I back off, but he doesn’t fill the void, and I feel like I’m being manipulative.

    At this point, I feel like we need to have a conversation. I have no idea what he wants. I want to be in an exclusive relationship with him – I always have. Can I ask him if he wants to take it to the next level? I feel great when I’m with him, I feel like crap when he ignores me. I am not comfortable continuing a sexual relationship with someone who I don’t know is interested in ME and sees a future with ME. I’d rather be alone than cry about this all the time.

    Ask me questions…anything… help!



  117.  #117Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Emoticon, I love that idea! Oh thank you for that. Why not?! πŸ™‚



  118.  #118Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    116 Achoo ((hugs)) aww thank you for sharing your story….do you know about the “no girlfriend speech” that Rori talks about?



  119.  #119Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 7:07 pm


  120.  #120Achoo on October 10, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Is the no girlfriend speech different than the no boyfriend speech?



  121.  #121Violet on October 10, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    The premise of this blog couldn’t have come in a more timely manner!

    I could sense wanting this one man to show interest in me.

    The good news is that it’s getting ‘somewhat’ easier to let that feeling go.

    On a completely different note. I’ve finally learned to love myself. It took 55 yrs of self-doubt, seeking the approval of others, lack of confidence, etc…

    I’m proud of myself for getting the where I am.

    ~ Violet ~



  122.  #122Mel on October 10, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    I’m here Starla! And welcome to team “lean back” Emoticon!

    I’ve been a really good sireny goddess Satrla. I’d make you proud!

    Did my double Thanksgiving. Went out with a new CD tonight (the “dirty” texter). Flirted with the baristas in the coffee shop whilst on my date with dirty texter… LOL

    He actually was smiling at me admiringly as I did that! πŸ™‚

    Tomorrow is another regretful architect date. Hoping that I may start to feel something for him… I still do feel a little hung up on sexy sarcastic. Unfortunately, for me he’s been pretty distant. He’s a smart man… he’ll come back! πŸ˜‰



  123.  #123Starla on October 10, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Yay Violet!!! Yay!!



  124.  #124Starla on October 10, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Woohoo Mel I feel proud of all of us. And I feel honored to have Emoticon on the team! I admire her and your natural siren-ness so much!



  125.  #125Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    YAY Starla and Mel thank you



  126.  #126Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Mel – I want to steal your “he’s a smart man…he’ll come back! ;)”



  127.  #127Mel on October 10, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Hey Tiff,

    Steal away! πŸ˜‰

    I’m practicing the flypaper thing here. I’m not going to force him to spend time with me. But any smart man would know that there’s nothing quite like time with Mel!



  128.  #128Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    Where are kaitlyn and laughing goddess? I haven’t seen them in forever on here…..
    Did they change their names too ?? πŸ™„ I dunno…



  129.  #129Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Things are tense with my family right now. πŸ™ I don’t like this feeling. But this morning I just let myself sink into it…the anger, sadness, pain. And then I went on with my day. Now I’m so so so tired…I do think I’ve been carrying it around with me.

    I think I’m going to do my NAILS!!! Yes, as AG says, when all else fails, do your nails. πŸ™‚



  130.  #130Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 7:42 pm

    Tiffany I know who YOU are πŸ™‚ lol lol lol



  131.  #131Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    No, I am not flypaper. I am not not not.
    poof fly away lil fly….no need to be sticky stuck here…if you don’t wanna…bye bye bye….
    I have little patience for little boys…waahhh…no thanks. If I want a little boy I will adopt one! Oh maybe I really WILL!! AWWWW!!!! I want to.



  132.  #132Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    Hi Sirens –

    I just wanted to share a great piece of wisdom I got from a “CD” yesterday. It wasn’t a romantic meeting, but I’m calling it a CD anyway. (and I’m the one who told him that I don’t want it to be romantic.)

    Anyhoo, I was telling him about TDH (not in great detail, but more than I would probably tell an actual date). And he said, “Well, if you want it to work out, just give it some time.”

    Truth be told, I’m not sure that I *want* “it” to work out with TDH. last time I saw him, it was nice, it was pleasant, but in end, I just felt like we were friends.

    So I’ve decided, it’s not worth it for me to put in any real effort there. Not putting the effort in to me.

    But I thought that was just a great thing to keep in mind with guys, generally.

    I think this guy (quasi-CD) was speaking from experience. his “relationship pace” is approximately on a par with cold molasses, apparently. He really takes his time getting to know someone. Like, Really takes his time.

    Which made me think…we get all bent out of shape, wondering about what a guy is thinking and doing, and this and that, when all he’s really doing is Taking His Time.

    And I started thinking about that, like “His Time,” Because I think we often feel it as if he is taking OUR TIME. (Guilty? My hand’s up!) Seriously. That’s how it feels, right? But to him, that’s not what he’s doing.

    And it seems to me this accounts for like 90% of our problems here… lol

    (Yeah, and, as a side note, TDH *is* in fact a smart man. I could even call him, Tall, Dark, Handsome and SMART. So, given that he’s so smart…he totally will come back on his own, if he likes me! not that I’m holding my breath for it or anything. I meant what I said about him earlier…thanks for that one, Mel! πŸ˜‰ )



  133.  #133Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    @Emerson – Oh yes, you do! It’s no secret! (xox TMizz. Hiya! πŸ˜‰ )



  134.  #134Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    re: #129 – Nails. Yes!

    Mine are pink polka dot right now.

    Sephora. Love it. Highly recommend it! πŸ˜‰



  135.  #135Deb on October 10, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Thanks for this Rori, it was somehow *exactly* what I needed to read right at this moment!

    I have an awesome cd that is getting more and more regular. I was feeling the need for a bit of space this weekend and not wanting to bring him to every single friend event… I also thought another CD was going to be at the get-together… and I’m just so used to being “single girl.”

    I started missing him though! This is actually really good news for me that I like him enough to miss him. In the past I have been turned off by “good guys” so I feel glad that this doesn’t seem to be the case.

    I think I used to be Queen of the Flypaper – haha!! So, I don’t have time to add more details, but this post reassured and reminded me to breathe and keep soft πŸ™‚



  136.  #136Mel on October 10, 2011 at 7:56 pm

    “And I started thinking about that, like β€œHis Time,” Because I think we often feel it as if he is taking OUR TIME. (Guilty? My hand’s up!) Seriously. That’s how it feels, right? But to him, that’s not what he’s doing.”

    OMG Tiffany! That’s SOOOOOO it!!!! There’s nothing worse than feeling like my time/energy is being wasted! But it doesn’t have to be wasted does it? It’s only when I focus on the negative energy that it’s thrown away.



  137.  #137Mel on October 10, 2011 at 7:57 pm

    Dirty texter is back to his old tricks now that I’m home from our date. The funny thing is that he was not at all “dirty” in person. LOL



  138.  #138Lele on October 10, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Hello fellow sirens. I hope all your nights are wonderful and full of sparkles. I was chatting with 3 guys and two have backed off for different reasons. I have not met any of these fellows. One is still around and I don’t feel good about this. He has told me that he is the only one at work that does any work and his coworkers are trying to undermine him. I really do not want to get involved with someone who has not learned something about getting along with people. I am walking the path to my own self discovery and I need someone who at least has some idea about himself. But he keeps saying he is interested because I’m the only nice girl who has talked to him. Not sure if that is a complement. I just do not have a good feeling here. Thank you for reading. I would love some feedback here.



  139.  #139Lele on October 10, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    He seems to be a decent fellow. but I don’t feel comfortable, not even met him and my skin feels askew. difficult to describe.



  140.  #140Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    Achoo – Your name makes me want to say “Bless you!” (and I love it, so please don’t change it :))

    I just wanted to say that I think you are experiencing one of the most common problems that we have here!

    So you’re in good company….

    The trick is to stay in yourself, and notice how you feel. And communicate it when you can. But nothing here is designed to “get” a man to do anything. Because you can’t do that. A man will either have the conversation with you or he won’t. If you’re not comfortable having sex with him until you two are committed, then all you can do is tell him that – without making it about HIM, but about the Kind of Relationship you want (i.e. committed)

    Does that make sense?



  141.  #141Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    Mel – #136

    Yes! Totally! And our time doesn’t have to be wasted, because we can be doing sooo many other things…

    Which just gave me another insight: WE are the ones wasting our time thinking about it.

    OMG, I think I just blew my own mind. Can you handle it???

    lol



  142.  #142Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    @Lele – if your skin is crawling, that is *definitely* your body giving you what I would call a Message. Like a huge, big flashing neon warning sign. If something doesn’t feel right, that means it isn’t

    second guess/ignore it at your own discretion….



  143.  #143Mel on October 10, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    “OMG, I think I just blew my own mind. Can you handle it???”

    Tiff… you just blew my mind too! LOL

    G’night siren island!



  144.  #144Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    @ Mel – your dirty texter sounds interesting! some guys are like that, I guess. they’re totally comfortable being sexual or “dirty” in writing, but face to face makes them more nervous or self conscious. I think that sounds kind of cute. tehee πŸ™‚



  145.  #145Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 8:57 pm

    LOL, – g’night, Mels!



  146.  #146Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Goodnight Mel



  147.  #147Tiffany on October 10, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    I actually have a little tidbit that I haven’t shared here yet, but it makes me so tickled.

    When I was on my first date with TDH(S), we went out to a tiki bar after dinner, where we ordered a drink for two that was called the “Malakani Siren.”

    As if that weren’t sireny enough, it came with a “pearl” in the drink (not a real one, but good enough), and I got to take home the bowl the drink came it (has a mermaid on it). He was so happy to give those things to me, too…

    I have to remember that a guy really falls in love when he’s giving to a woman.

    I can be so good at that at first, but then it gets hard to keep up that receptive stance. I want to lean forward. But no. It is better to lean back, back, back….

    But I always feel so smiley whenever I look at the bowl. It’s a good reminder of my sireny-ness, and the fact that I don’t have to do ANYTHING to receive what I want. Just be who I am πŸ™‚



  148.  #148Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Can anyone recommend an incense that they like? I have nag champa but I dunno what else…I want to switch it up now and then. The Autumn makes me want to use incense!!



  149.  #149Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    147 Tiffany that is so cool about the siren drink with the pearl and the mermaid??!! How perfect!!

    I want to go to a tiki bar!

    I like what you said that a man falls in love when he starts giving….it’s a good reminder…



  150.  #150Nikita on October 10, 2011 at 9:39 pm

    Sage



  151.  #151Nikita on October 10, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    And cedar if u can find it….cedar smells amazing



  152.  #152Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Thanks Nikita



  153.  #153Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    where is everyone!?



  154.  #154Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    I’m here!!! πŸ™‚



  155.  #155Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 11:05 pm

    Hi Emoticon πŸ™‚



  156.  #156Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    Hey Emerson. I’m feeling so sleepy, but if ure still up pretty soon, all the European Sirens will be here



  157.  #157Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Hi, I’m so tired too…I should go to sleep! Ah yes…the Euro godesses!! They will be awake soon. G nite Emoticon! Sleep well



  158.  #158Emoticon on October 10, 2011 at 11:25 pm

    @ Emerson thank u! U too! Gnite! Xoxo



  159.  #159English Woman on October 10, 2011 at 11:39 pm

    Wow I am soooo far behind, flypaper!!!! That’s an interesting concept LOL! πŸ˜€



  160.  #160Alicia on October 10, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    I am like soft easy breezy fly paper with my guy friend that I am not attracted to. I even asked myself.. Why does it work so well with Mikey?

    I know it’s because I am always just responsive…. I never even feel like I have to lean forward even an inch. Sometimes days go by and we dont talk and I never really think about it but, I might start to miss him a little and just know I’ll hear from him soon. He is always saying or doing something sweet for me and this has gone on for two years.. I wish I could be like this with all men.

    I do acknowledge that being able to let go and let them fly around totally works… they come back.

    Nobody wants to feel held down. I have felt that way from a guy too and it made me want to get far away. I can see how men would easily feel that way.



  161.  #161Emerson on October 10, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    Hi Alicia! Yes, they do come back, don’t they! It’s the one I PINE for that causes me grief…ugh, I don’t like waiting..

    Ah, English Woman… there’s the first European siren to appear πŸ™‚ We were just talking about the ladies from your side of the pond! That you’d be awake and on the blog soon! πŸ™‚



  162.  #162Sweetpea on October 11, 2011 at 12:06 am

    I wanna jst go hone w/ TTG & forget about anything else. But I think JC’s here too. Whatever, it’ll work.



  163.  #163Ella on October 11, 2011 at 1:56 am

    Hey Emerson,

    No not offended at all.

    I also felt scared and wide eyed when he told me…

    Cd-ing will protect me.

    We shall see.

    xoxox



  164.  #164Ella on October 11, 2011 at 1:57 am

    Hi Alicia,

    Nice to see you! πŸ™‚



  165.  #165marina on October 11, 2011 at 4:43 am

    Hi Sirens!
    Emerson I looooove your red shoes! They totally inspire me to see if I can find some beautiful feminine business shoes with a little heel. Today!
    πŸ˜€

    Xxx from The Netherlands
    Marina



  166.  #166poppychianti on October 11, 2011 at 5:40 am

    Hey all,

    I’m new on this blog I literally just finished reading, have the relationship that you want and I’m started to put it all into practice.

    Circular Dating frankly terrifies me because I suffer from a lot of guilt and co-dependency crap. I’m fresh out of a long term relationship with a man who I lived with and who was seperated but not divorced. As soon as I left him HEY PRESTO he’s down on one knee and will do anything to save relationship but the decision and guts it took to leave have left me exhausted and I’m not ready to suddenly pick back up as I wasn’t happy. That was 7 mths ago since then I’ve been seeing someone else who is equally a bit of a man who comes and goes and I’ve tried EVERYTHING to get him to stick, and have driven myself tonto in the process so now I’m agreeing to go on other dates letting go, using the sand in the hand analogy x I now believe that the tightest grip IS an open hand as counter intuitive as that feels. The bit I haven’t managed to do is the I feel, I want, what do you think conversation. The first of which I’m planning to attempt tomorrow night YIKES X so great to read everyone’s stories and thoughts on here



  167.  #167Lele on October 11, 2011 at 5:49 am

    skin is not crawling just feels like it doesn’t quite fit in places. which, I suppose, is it’s own message.

    LOVE the red shoes but I cannot wear those heels anymore. I do have some low heel metalic burgundy dress shoes. Love Them!!!



  168.  #168Achoo on October 11, 2011 at 6:25 am

    I definitely don’t want to pressure him or flytrap him into something he doesn’t want. I’m just wondering – since he hasn’t brought it up, isn’t that telling me that I shouldn’t bring it up either? Is it even worth having the conversation, or should I just move on?

    On the other hand, I feel like I need to know if we’re on the same page.

    I am afraid to talk to him and afraid of what he’s going to say. But at least I will know.

    The other guy I’m dating, I’m not afraid to say anything around him, because I really don’t care if he is scared off. Of course, he’s not scared off, and only wants more of me.



  169.  #169Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 6:55 am

    This morning I feel very pessimistic and the NVs are telling me I missed my opportunity to have a husband and family. I know it’s not true. I just feel very negative when I wake up in the morning sometimes.

    It feels good to get it out of my system writing it on the blog.

    I’m scared because I’ve held on to this twinge of hope that RecycledCD may work out after all but the more I think about it, he’s indecisive and I don’t know if I can count on him, do I want to be with that? No, I don’t. Unless he really does some stepping up…

    I have had a step up guy in the past, he was consistent about wanting to be with me, but I never felt that spark for him. I tried to and really wish I had, but he always just felt like a friend. He had a great job. I didn’t even really like kissing him. But, I could have been married with ten kids with him by now and financially secure with ten years of shared history with someone. That’s what makes me sad too is not having a shared history of my life with a partner. I mean, I knwo it’s not too late, but there’s something special about that and I feel I missed out on it.

    Then I’m really hard on myself saying well if I had done things this way or that way things would have been different, and calling myself stupid, etc. for not saving more money when I was younger and for spending too much time with the wrong guys. I was struggling and so lost because I didn’t really have the support of my family. πŸ™

    Thanks for listening sirens. I am just working through all these thoughts/feelings so I can feel clearer and move on with my life. I am getting tired of waking up in the morning feeling like this and hearing these bad thoughts. It helps having your feedback and reading about your experiences too.



  170.  #170Mel on October 11, 2011 at 7:01 am

    I feel a little disappointed. Sexy Sarcastic is not stepping up. He suggested Wed (tomorrow) to see each other again, said he needed to double-check his schedule, but I haven’t heard back from him. I don’t want to lean forward to check on the status of tomorrow…that feels like chasing and I don’t want to feel that way. I dam not a sticky fly trap. He’s busy buzzing about, and that’s okay. I want to be a soft landing pad when he’s ready to change his flight path. But I still feel disappointed. I don’t like feeling brushed-off or forgotten. I can easily make other plans… and I will! I would like him to make plans with me in ink again. That feels better. I want a step-up man.



  171.  #171Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 7:03 am

    RE 169 Emerson I am wondering if there is a practice that you could develop in your life that could help you to focus on something good at the end of your day. Maybe if you create a scrapbook of your dream life you could review it at the end of your day while in bed. Or maybe at the beginning of the day create something that will help you focus on what in your life you are grateful for. Most mornings when I wake up I take time to practice deep breathing and sending the breath to all my organs as I appreciate my body for being healthy. While I focus on my breathing I try to think of things in my life that I am happy for. Thought I would share that with you to maybe give you an idea of something simple.



  172.  #172Mel on October 11, 2011 at 7:04 am

    Hugs Emerson!

    Everything is as it should be… your step-up man, one that you feel attracted to, is on your doorstep. I can feel it! πŸ˜‰



  173.  #173Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 7:06 am

    Mel I have an interview with Rori and I believe Greta Hassel where she says use the feeling of disappointment to focus on you. Acknowledge that there are needs you have that are not being met and find ways to meet your own need. I understood from her that the disappointment helps me to become intimate with myself as it can help me to know myself better.



  174.  #174Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Achoo what I do is if I bring up things I try to find a fun way to do that or wait till I have a “whatever” attitude before bringing it up. Just bear in mind though that bringing up things in the context of asking him where it is going suggests he has all the power. Bringing it up and letting him know what you want to create in your life and what you are willing to do to get what you want is coming from a totally different place.



  175.  #175Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 7:16 am

    poppychianti Hi. You can use the blog as a sounding board to practice your message if you want support and to build your confidence prior to using those feeling messages.



  176.  #176Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 7:18 am

    Hi Alicia good to see you again. Great to know you are still practicing the tools.



  177.  #177Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Achoo I believe that is the type of relationship he wants. He is keeping it that way because that is what he wants. I believe the only way to change that is to emotionally walk away from him. Talking to him won’t cause him to feel more love for you. He might need to miss your energy.



  178.  #178Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 7:33 am

    Thanks FW I will try it. I had a vision board but maybe I will start over or just add to it…I have to dig it out. I am in a transition of sorts at the moment too…I should be “excited” about the future prospects that I have but I feel lonely in the process.
    πŸ™

    Mel thank you for your words and I keep trying to picture / feel what it would be like to be with that person. Often it’s kind of fuzzy and I don’t even know what that would feel like! I know I want to feel safe with the person I’m with.

    Sorry to hear about SexySarcastic and I hear you about feeling frustrated when they tell you a day, and them zzzzz no contact to confirm. It’s frustrating. Maybe he is rubberbanding??
    Sometimes I have a feeling message scripted for when the guy does eventually make contact (and I am confident that he will contact you eventually) letting him know don’t want to be left hanging and it feels bad….then asking him what do you think?



  179.  #179Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 7:37 am

    177 FW I know this was not directed at me, but I’m doing that with RecycledCD right now, I’m emotionally walking away and I feel scared that he may not even care. πŸ™ but I will be ok either way.

    I just keep comparing Recycled with the guys I’ve had that contacted me regularly and there was nothing that could get in the way of making plans with me. He is all over the map right now.

    I kept making excuses for him (and he uses it as an excuse too) because he’s going thru a long and complicated divorce, but I think maybe he is just that way in general. Now I am putting too much focus on him.

    Maybe it’s a mirroring thing.

    He’s indecisive. I can be that way as well. Eeek.

    I want to heal this.



  180.  #180Cougar on October 11, 2011 at 8:20 am

    Achoo, I’ve been dealing with the exact same thing as you & this past weekend I decided to walk away. I told him I felt like his booty call & I’m not a whore & that I want a relationship with someone & that he can’t give that to me. Of course, he said he doesn’t think of me as a whore but he also didn’t fight for me to stay. It’s hard because I will miss him terribly but I know I did the right thing. Good Luck!



  181.  #181Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 8:45 am

    180 Cougar Hugs to you and you’re strong for walking away. It is NOT easy to do.



  182.  #182tinque on October 11, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Hey Everyone, I’m back from my retreat. What an amazing, incredible experience and to have been able to share this with K felt even more special. Our tent was right in front of the big meditation hall. The grounds were gorgeous, near Peakskill NY, the weather glorious, couldn’t have been more perfect, cool at night, 80s during the day though the first night we froze. K kept me warm, prevented what would have been assured hypothermia, but after that, it was perfect.

    I have heard TNH speak many times in LA, so to be right there in his presence a few feet away, to hear him speak every day for hours at a time, was truly profound.

    And who knew the monastics could be so much fun. Beautiful, beautiful beings. If any of you ever get the opportunity to attend one of these or at least hear him speak, please do.

    And Emerson, though nag champa is my favorite, anything with sandalwood I love as well. Some independent boutiques or craft fairs will have hand made ones, often locally crafted.

    Sending love…

    xxoo



  183.  #183Daria on October 11, 2011 at 9:56 am

    wooo hoo! i got the giant space heater and im not afraid to use it



  184.  #184Mel on October 11, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Thanks Emerson!

    The challenge for me is to resist the urge to “do” something about it and either email in a needy “are we gonna do something?” way or to get angry and be like “dude, did you drop the ball or what? Please let me know if I should put my attention elsewhere. Thx!”

    I’m just going to experiment with the let it be technique and feel weird and uncomfortable doing that. I love my discomfort…. FW… not sure what it is I’m not giving to myself… I’ll have to reflect on that a bit.

    Today is adventure date with architect. He’s emailed me like 5 times in the past two days to tell me how excited he is and stoked that I’m coming. That feels kinda sweet. I’m going to just try to enjoy the evening… perhaps turn off my phone and not check my emails. If SexySarcastic happens to contact me, it wouldn’t hurt for him not to get an instant response.



  185.  #185AmazingMe on October 11, 2011 at 10:32 am

    You know I may not be totally Rori when I say this but I definately been this way with dating. If I even get to a date or chatting online if they stop contacting me I just keep walking looking for what I wanted. Now if one in particular but it has happened more than once one will keep contacting me and just sticking close those are my real choices. I want someone that will work to have me.



  186.  #186AmazingMe on October 11, 2011 at 10:37 am

    It feels really wierd to me Rori has tought me to and how to love myself sink into my feelings…she has done so much for me! Thank god it is easy to not be flypaper…More like skyscraper…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1seHLosZIVE



  187.  #187Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 11:04 am

    Welcome Tinque. I feel happy you enjoyed your camping trip.



  188.  #188Mel on October 11, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Starla,

    I swear, this is taking soooo much mental energy to restrain myself from contact. This is HIS job… not mine. I will not chase… I will not chase…. πŸ˜‰ This. is. so. hard!



  189.  #189Daria on October 11, 2011 at 11:51 am

    black and red Goddess I thank you and honor you

    mud blood lava flows in the marsh

    thank you

    i feel teh power and i see what you show me

    show me

    i feel powerfull and limp like a rag

    sopping sopping

    i want

    i want

    i want

    smush me and eat me chocolate

    bitter

    fleshy fantasy

    fuchk me

    uproar

    ugh

    more more more

    iw ant more

    receive i am

    i take i fill me

    rurrghh

    sdwing hips snake drops splatters symbols

    hahahhahaa

    i wrote it in blood

    smoke

    peaceful breaths on the wetness

    i love i hunnker

    MON

    ster

    GODDESS

    rich

    alive

    slow

    putrid

    fresh

    mix

    cooking

    living rock life living living expanding changing

    becoming

    SHAAAAA

    hot throaght

    teeth of the bitch

    I hot



  190.  #190Esteemed on October 11, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Dudettes,

    With R, I wasn’t just flypaper…I was a prison guard with handcuffs and shackles!! Yikes!

    With each new tool and/or visualization she comes up with, Rori helps me open my eyes increasingly to the error of my relational style with men.

    I am really going places internally meditating on being a beach! I am soft, warm, open, spacious, free! At the beach, a man can make love, have a picnic, walk, jog, play volleyball. Inotherwords, the beach is a fun place where a man can take a vacation from his thoughts and problems for a while!

    And then…he can freely leave the beach and come back some other time! Wide open space that welcomes him again…again…and again!



  191.  #191English Woman on October 11, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Wow ladies I am still on the pathways of Sedona, can’t keep up LOL!! πŸ™‚

    Heading back off to catch up on the adventures of the Sirens.



  192.  #192Esteemed on October 11, 2011 at 11:56 am

    Daria,

    RE: #189 – You a poet, woman! That’s some cool stuff you write on the fly!



  193.  #193English Woman on October 11, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    Do you believe that this RR stuff works on every single man, and those that don’t well they are just Toxic Men?

    Or is it just too much to expect all men to be pigeonholed into one category or the other?

    Like there are 12 signs of the Zodiac, so we all fit into our own neat little category.

    Or that Warrior/King thing can’t remember now but you are only one kind of 4……

    On the whole planet??

    Just having some doubts this past week lady Sirens…..



  194.  #194Daria on October 11, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    English Woman – any man who primarily feels good “feeling like a man” will feel attracted to a feminine woman



  195.  #195Daria on October 11, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    thanks esteemed



  196.  #196Daria on October 11, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    sad eyes and quiet loneliness

    i feel your soft caresses on my cheeks

    like child’s hands

    i feel the waving through my hair

    i hear the laghter

    pulsing my blood

    mmm

    what a delicious cake i am

    to the darkness



  197.  #197Daria on October 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    English Woman – I feel smily imagining your future dating adventures



  198.  #198tinque on October 11, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    English Woman – As long as you can keep your heart open, warm, inviting, and loving, as long as you can keep your primary focus on you, most men will be attracted to you.

    Some may act on this attraction, and some may not for various reasons.

    The freedom of attachment to any man who is not committed to wanting you and only you, allows you the freedom to choose.

    xxoo



  199.  #199Achoo on October 11, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    I think i will say this:

    I feel great when I’m with you and I’m glad we’ve gotten to know each other these last three months.

    I’m not here to criticize you or pressure you or talk about anything negative. Actually, I just want to talk about me. For me, I have to feel a lot of great feelings about someone to want to be sexually intimate with them. And if I’m going to be sexually intimate with someone, I want it to be in a relationship where both people are committed and exclusive to one another. I want the person I’m in a relationship with to see a future with me, and vice versa. I am not interested in a sexual relationship that lacks any of those things.

    … And just leave it at that. Maybe ask, “What do you think?”

    If he says he doesn’t want that with me, that’s fine. I will acknowledge that it’s been great to get to know him and that I am happy that we are both now free to pursue what we want.



  200.  #200English Woman on October 11, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Reason I ask is that I pointed this RR stuff out to my gf when she was going through some bad stuff with her man, so she takes herself off for a 2 day break on her own last week to focus on herself…………she gets back to her man, who yes he missed her, but in the meantime had written a 10 page letter to his ex wife about the guilt he felt over ending the marriage and now my friend is devastated and I feel just awful for pointing her in the RR direction………….maybe not all men are in either or the other category……….Toxic Men or Keepers…………..mmmmmmm dunno what to think here…………..



  201.  #201Ariadne on October 11, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Okay, Sirens!!! I need your help!!! I want to access Rori’s blog that was cited about speeches. I am computer illiterate. What exactly should I type in to access this? I tried https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/catagory/speeches-for-communicating-with-a-man and it didn’t come up for me. Please ,someone let me know exactly what I should type and where. Thank you!!!!!
    With Love, Ariadne



  202.  #202tinque on October 11, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    English Woman – This doesn’t mean this man is toxic necessarily. It could be he’s just not ready to move. Maybe he never will be. It’s better your friend know now then keep being strung along.

    Also leaning back doesn’t necessarily mean physically leaving though it could. It’s an energetic thing, keeping the focus away from the man, thoughts, the urges to do, chase after, wonder what he’s thinking, doing, pondering what this or that meant, and so on.

    xxoo



  203.  #203kenneth on October 11, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    hi im kenneth and roni i want to ask why cant i find a good woman to love i need to be loved i want love will you give me a call now #304-890-3071 please call me.



  204.  #204Daria on October 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    Ariadne – “category” was misspelled in that link
    try it now it will work

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/speeches-for-communicating-with-a-man



  205.  #205Senior Lady Vibe on October 11, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    @201: Ariadne says:
    Please ,someone let me know exactly what I should type and where. Thank you!!!!!
    With Love, Ariadne…”

    Your citation works for me… when I …

    –use the “archive page” link at bottom of monthly archive list (see right sidebar)

    –then input the file name only, not the full URL…for this one:

    speeches-for-communicating-with-a-man

    –Click submit or search, whichever is there to input that string.

    I hope this helps. πŸ˜€

    xoxo



  206.  #206Daria on October 11, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Achoo – actually, that sounds great.

    a bit lengthy to say all that at once,

    you can try to shorten it like,

    “I feel so incredibly good with you, and I’m realizing I don’t feel comfortable being sexual with a man unless I’m in a committed relationship. I don’t want to pressure you, what do you think we should do?”



  207.  #207Daria on October 11, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    hmm maybe “i don’t want to put pressure on the relationship, instead of ‘I don’t want to pressure you'” would work better



  208.  #208Daria on October 11, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    anyway, any version of that will work great to communicate what you’re intending



  209.  #209Ariadne on October 11, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Thank you SVL and Daria!!!!! Love to both! A



  210.  #210Achoo on October 11, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Thank you so much everyone! Tomorrow, I will let you know how it goes.



  211.  #211Senior Lady Vibe on October 11, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    @193: English Woman says:
    “…Do you believe that this RR stuff works on every single man…”

    I believe imagery and awareness is meant for me. I stay away from “working on a man…” Sounds kind of hoodoo-voodoo…. and not needed.

    …so said by woman who has had “invisible Sweetie Babe” sleeping with her every night for over six months… hahaha LOL πŸ˜†

    Hmmm, but what I’m doing is “working on ME” so I’m still happy and moving forward.

    πŸ˜€
    xoxo



  212.  #212Ella on October 11, 2011 at 2:25 pm

    Achoo I may be a bit late with this and I wouldn’ bring up the subject of comittment with him (or asking him where’s its going or say how you feel about things) until he brings it up.

    If it was me I would start CD-ing and take the focus off him.

    That might even create the space for him to think of comittment and bring it up with you!

    What do you think?

    xoxox



  213.  #213Senior Lady Vibe on October 11, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    @193: English Woman says:
    “…Or is it just too much to expect all men to be pigeonholed into one category or the other?
    Like there are 12signs of the Zodiac, so we all fit into our own neat little category.
    Or that Warrior/King thing can’t remember now but you are only one kind of 4
    On the whole planet??…”

    12? 4? That’s a lot of choice. πŸ˜†

    Some would have you believe there are only TWO…. masculine and feminine. Always and forever, saying and doing one of two predetermined lifetime scripts… defined by someone else.

    My point of view is … I love “the possibilities…”

    Big “thank you” to my parents!

    xoxo



  214.  #214Ella on October 11, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Emerson @ 169,

    Hugs.

    I felt like you a few months ago… and still do sometimes.

    And mostly I feel a lot more positive and appreciative of what I have now.

    Most of my friends are married too and I had the same doubts and questions when I would get into a negative hole as you are saying.

    And what I am realising more and more is that life is made of moments.

    And actually I have had some AMAZING moments and continue to have them, and seemingly more and more great moments as I learn to appreciate what I do have more.

    Even my past crappy relationships have given some great moments!

    And when I look at some of my married friends their loves are far from perfect.

    In fact I can imagine that I would feel far from satisfied and fulfilled in their relationship.

    So I don’t think being married is the be all and end all.

    I don’t know if any of this helps its just that I am feeling much more peaceful these days, now that I am focusing on what I do have rather than what I don’t.

    Although my mood can change daily.

    πŸ™‚

    xoxox



  215.  #215Ella on October 11, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    EW re 193,

    I think Rori’s tools are more fluid than that and are primarily to help raise our self esteem and feel good about ourselves. And to be true to ourselves and stay in touch with our feelings.

    And I think it just so happens that this then draws men in.

    It just so happens that we also get good results with men too πŸ˜‰

    But I think that any single tool may or may not work on a man, depending a lot on the man or the situation.

    Also I see Rori’s tools now as more of a long term solution, so they may not ‘work’ instantly in the moment, however long term they will bring us the greatest goodies.

    For example the leanback, works a treat with some men, and not really so much with fem energy guys or those who are distant and uninterested by nature or by virtue of not being into me enough…

    However what the leanback has done for me is boosted my esteem right up.

    Like wow, look, Ella doesn’t chase men. And I really don’t – I simply don’t need to.

    And that feels so powerful and good to me, because I know I am strong, and that I don’t NEED a man to feel good, although I am happy if he wants to help me feel good.

    In fact change that I do need a man, however I am fine anyway.

    And leaning back helps me feel good about me.

    xoxox



  216.  #216Daria on October 11, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    Ella – i feel jealous… i would like to be so gentle and inspiring in my expression as you are…

    that is so cool

    that means i will be

    yay!

    happy daria



  217.  #217Ella on October 11, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    EW re 200

    Wow that sucks.

    And I can understand it would be easy to feel a bit doubtful and even guilty and this is NOT YOUR FAULT.

    Nor does it in anyway prove that Rori stuff doesn’t work.

    And no I don’t think men fall into only those 2 categories.

    I mean most people are a mixture of things, and what might be toxic to me may not be toxic to another woman.

    It sounds like your friend’s relationship has some issues. I mean it can’t be blamed on Rori tools that when a woman turns away for one minute to take care of herself he writes to his ex wife!

    So that would mean she could never, ever take time out for herself. That doesn’t sounds so good to me.

    Hmph, just noticed I am feeling quite ruiled up, tense and yes possibly a little angry about this sitatution. I want to give your friend a hug!

    I think she will need Rori stuff more than ever.

    xoxox



  218.  #218Ella on October 11, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    Daria,

    Thank you.



  219.  #219Daria on October 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    wow i feel like i got kinda electrocuted and stuck in place

    like omgosh i am one of those people looking at it as masculine and feminine

    i feel shame!

    and then DEFEND

    hmmm

    practicing calming down my heart rate

    my buttocks and thighs gone all tight

    sigh

    i don’t really have to say what i think at all

    i mean i could,

    i definitely feel compelled to

    and it does feel fascinating to look at the pretty pictures in my mind

    of you know, male female mating rituals in animals

    predetermined by somone else? why does that feel bad to read

    u know stuff like nest building to impress females

    is there like a penguin who says, ok YOU male will hatch the egg

    and then the female penguins are like, why does my male hatch the egg

    i want to hatch the egg

    this is not fair

    i do think its predetermined, in a way, but that could be total bullshit too

    could be just the narrator’s interpretation of what’s going on

    maybe its not that simple at all

    i like the thoughts of masculine being attracted to feminine

    it does make sense, like penises going into vaginas

    i mean they dont have to, and theres lots of otehr stuff we can do with our sexuality definitely

    but i like the penis in the vagina stuff too

    i like the male coming to the female stuff

    sigh

    im still feeling confused why it felt so bad

    it felt like having a rug pulled out from under me and then getting hit with spikes like through my heart and pinned to a wall

    i mean i feel angry!

    and sad!

    and confused

    and afraid

    lots of afraid

    i feel kinda powerless

    i mean, is it HELPFUL? to think, we are male and female

    primarily masculine and feminine

    and yes there do seem to be biological attractions and behaviors

    that seem to distribute way more heavily one way and the other

    but maybe its bullshit

    and we’r not male and female

    i mean i heard lots of people are born hermaphrodites

    hmmm

    and still im pretty used to thinmking in terms of male and female

    it does help me to think that masculine is attracted to the feminine

    and then be feminine

    ‘being feminine’ feels so good!

    it feels like being the maryln monroe and all the men thinking im amazing

    i like that

    i like the worshipping thing

    just running away running away wtih wrods from this shame and fear feeling and this anger

    this drive that wants to blame and attack

    i love that!

    HEY!

    i don’t want to be made fun of!

    i don’t want to feel like im being slammed up and pinned against the wall

    WOOOSH

    i feel like pushing

    pushing offf

    pushing aWAAAAY

    from me

    and i feel sad

    i feel heartsad

    i don’t want to feel attacked

    i dont want to feel lonely

    feeling like crying

    sobbing

    more sobbing

    no more sobbing now

    wow feeling excited to have sobbed

    feeling curious and interested

    feeling tight above my teeth

    feeling a lil sad

    feeling a burp

    still feling angry

    and now giglgy
    and now hiccup

    here comes voice: “don’t think about it”

    thanks voice

    its ok

    i dont have to disassociate

    i can disassociate if i want to

    but i dont have to disassociate

    this is effortless

    it feels like my forehead is gonna burst kinda

    wow lots of giggles ot my nose

    i love my horsey self

    thank you for healing all this stuff i asked to be healed Goddess

    yawn



  220.  #220alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    182 tinque. i feel so good to hear of your wonderful time and that you got to share it with k. i just feel so good to read that and ponder it.



  221.  #221alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    190 esteemed shackles. lol.

    nice though, i am enjoying the beach visualization



  222.  #222alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    203 kenneth needs a phone call.



  223.  #223Daria on October 11, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    feeling exccccited now

    this mirrored another situation where i got into a debate with some people trying to share about

    well that bascially sharing feelings builds connection

    but they seem to be looking at it as “burdening” someone else or that it’s better to “hide the feelings in the interest of the relationship”

    and i got stuck

    with words in fragments

    and no fulfilling satisfying expression for me

    and

    i felt all that

    for the past what day or two

    and the anger!

    ugh it feels like my heart is squeezed

    i am on wmy way to expressing myslf without trying to MAKE people get what im saying

    and ti feels overwhelming

    so i didnt say anything then

    that was my experiment

    and i felt kinda sad and heavy

    and now i felt similar

    and i love my feelings

    i am healing all this stuff

    a lot of the stuff im healing now, reminds me of really really old school feelings

    like from bieng a baby

    that is fuchkin awesome!!

    ok so onwards to other stuff i want to write about

    which is

    i dont think i can have what i want

    which is a man that supports my spirituality and creating the lifestyle i want

    AND

    that will make me milk baths with rose petals

    and massage me

    like everyday massage me

    and also spend a lot of time at home with me helping me with our family raising

    i dont even know if i want that

    i feel scared of hta tlike ill feel smothered

    but thinking of doing it alone feels overwhelming

    i mean i really like my sleep and my fun and

    i dont want to get all neglectful or irrtatated with my kids

    and i feel all sad thiking i don’t hav like a huge support network of likeminded peopel living around that i could say oh yes they can watch my kids

    and treat them the way i want them to be treated

    AND PART of me is like
    YES i CAN have what i want

    i really really CAN

    oh and i want good sex

    good sex with lots of different orgasms and not all this soreness and getting irritated and pain and boredom

    just amazing orgasms

    and like yeah ALL that amazing stuff

    pyshical

    even spiritual but im afraid to ask for that cuz im afraid it would mean lots of boring sex

    and i dont want boring

    i haven’t had great feeling sex too much in my life

    i think thats one of those things i would try to flypaper a guy for

    like if he gave me amazing sex id be trying to SNATCH

    him

    and i dont want that

    i want to have amazing sex with anyone

    just cuz i naturally and easily have amazing sex!

    yeah!!!

    πŸ™ thats not possible

    yes it is

    ok im culturually taught thats not possible so it got stuck in my head that girls women dont really liek sex

    that much and that its not easy to find a man who has good sex

    but then ive been able to observ other women having lots of lovly orgasmic sex with anyone

    i mean look at porn

    !
    and i don’t mean fake orgasm porn

    i mean like real orgasm porn

    and like my friends who had lots of sex

    this is totally possible

    and i want that!

    yay me!



  224.  #224Tiffany on October 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Daria, 183

    “got the giant space heater and im not afraid to use it”

    LOL! πŸ™‚



  225.  #225tinque on October 11, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    alias girl – πŸ™‚

    xxoo



  226.  #226Esteemed on October 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    I feel so safe and secure coming to the blog. This place feels like home

    I feel especially insecure after getting a call from the spca this afternoon. I had left my dogs chained in the front yard. I didn’t do anything wrong , and nor did my dogs. I feel harassed. I left work early for nothing. I’ve been pumping adrenaline for 2 hours straight. Thank god there was no problem… But this isn’t right either.

    I often feel so very vulnerable in this world. Even when I’m trying to do my best, I often feel attacked. I feel scared. I feel so unsafe with the government, Because its so overgrown and steps on our rights and privacy.

    At moments like this, It would feel so good to be in the arms of a man who I love and trust. I guess I’ll just go to bed early and cuddle with my dogs.



  227.  #227Tiffany on October 11, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Lele #167:

    I love your description of your skin not fitting just right. It’s so tactile and specific.

    It’s almost like your skin is telling you that HE “doesn’t fit.”

    At least that’s what it sounds like to me…

    Often it is so hard to understand these messages from the inside, because we become so distracted by what our “egos” and our conscious minds want. But our bodies REALLY are smart. I mean, REALLY smart. She’s trying to take care of you. And deep down, we always already know what is true and right. Sometimes we just don’t want to acknowledge it. I know because I’ve been there so many times. It still happens. And I often have to get an outside opinion myself.

    So I’m not giving you any advice or telling you what to do. It just seems to me that, from what you wrote, the way you wrote it, and the fact that you brought it here, I think you already know the answer to your question…

    <3 T



  228.  #228Daria on October 11, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    im feeling ab it lonely

    i love my lonelimness

    i want to spirit journey

    that would feel awesome

    and amazing



  229.  #229Daria on October 11, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    im feeling lonely. i love my loneliness.

    mm

    thank you daria for reading interesting things



  230.  #230Lele on October 11, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    #227 Tiffany
    Thank you. Needed to see that in black and white from someone else.

    There is so much that colors the sky
    Wind tossed clouds comment on the day
    I sail my boat alone
    The watery path is lost
    In muted relfections of light
    Other boats slip near
    Then drift away
    We each atone for our own

    I feel tired today. I live in a more rural area and am looking for a job because the plant closed. The opportunities for a job or to meet men are not as much here. I’ve been online for a couple of years. Not much going on with that right now. I’ve started up selling cheesecakes. My own recipes that I’ve worked on for many years. Those who have tried them, love them.

    I know it will all work out somehow. Just wish it would get better sooner. It is a good sign that I do not get into a panic about it all like I use to. Wishing for better times and someone to share it with. Thanks in part to all the sirens who dwell here. πŸ™‚



  231.  #231Tiffany on October 11, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    So, TDH(S) texted me this morning.

    He’s so funny. Just out of the blue, “good morning :)”

    So I responded. I was friendly. He didn’t ask me how I was, or what I was doing. We barely had a conversation. But I was still tickled to hear from him.

    And I can honestly say I’m not too worried about it. If he wants to make plans with me, he will. And one thing I like is that I feel absolutely no “drama” with him. And I feel no urge to make it. So that’s kind of…different.

    Just waiting to see what happens. having literally no expectations of anything, either way.

    Just here. Open hand. Not sticky. Going out for burgers with one of my girls. And no, we will not make out! πŸ˜‰ lol



  232.  #232Sweetpea on October 11, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    @ 67 (-ish) – Lili,

    Getting all wrapped up in the outcome has turned me to flypaper in the past too. I feel pretty good about where I’m at now as far as that goes – so far. It’s a bit of a moment-to-moment thing sometimes, sometimes day-to-day. But really, in the last 6 weeks or so I’ve only had one day where I was feeling a little panicky and overanalyzing like I used to do like crazy in the past. And it feels great to be able to remind myself to knock it off instead of dwelling on it and going in circles in my mind like I used to, so I have hope that it will become more and more rare for me to do. I feel really nervous about how well I’ll do with it in a relationship when that time comes though. I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it I guess.



  233.  #233Sweetpea on October 11, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    I’m beginning to think I need to stop CDing for my own good right now. Sheesh! All these guys are so sexy and I feel like I have 15-year-old boy hormones right now. Faw!



  234.  #234la chiquita bonita on October 11, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    i feel so anxious, proud, ackward, worried, determined, excited, because im practicing not doing at all when it comes to men. no calling, no texting, no reaching out, no facebook. today at the university i saw someone i dated earlier in the year and it was haaaard not to say anything to him, not to smile, not to go out of my way because quite frankly i dont want to smile and im just being…he hasnt come to me at all so im determined not to. it feels really weird!! but i aslo feel good im done trying so hard!



  235.  #235Tiffany on October 11, 2011 at 5:25 pm

    Sirens, I am wearing these in pink polka dots right now. Plus they have a lot of other patterns. They rock! πŸ™‚

    http://www.sephora.com/browse/product.jhtml?id=P292310&categoryId=B70



  236.  #236Tiffany on October 11, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Lele #230 – that was beautiful! Did you write that?



  237.  #237Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Feeling…like I have enough time on my hands for a couple more CDs



  238.  #238Lele on October 11, 2011 at 5:50 pm

    #236 Tiffany:
    Yes, just now.
    Thank you.



  239.  #239Daria on October 11, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    yay good for you chiquita bonita!

    and smiling at men 5 second looks are ok, unless its a guy that you feel bad seeing (maybe that’s the case with this guy?)



  240.  #240Daria on October 11, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    more than ok!

    5 second smiles are a tool



  241.  #241Sweetpea on October 11, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    @91 – Camille,

    Thank you! It was a little harder than I expected, but it was good to have the support of friends. TTG hung out with me all night, gave me hugs, made me laugh – and he must have bought me a bunch of shots. I don’t remember much of anything after about 6:00 lol. Glad he was there to “babysit me” at least. I’m sure the raw emotion contributed some to my memory lapse as well.



  242.  #242Daria on October 11, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    i just ralized iv been a bit dismissive of this one online guy and i was thinking to myself “he’s draining me” and don’t look forward to talking to him

    but now i realize i can TLL him that…

    i don’t lik online typing … i feel open to calls or videocalls but just chatting feels draining

    that wouldve cleared my energy to receive and not push him away



  243.  #243Daria on October 11, 2011 at 6:01 pm

    i love Daria i love Daria i love Daria i love Daria

    i love Daria’s cells

    I love Daria’s DNA

    i love Daria’s ancestors

    i love Daria’s traumas

    I love Daria’s grief

    I love Daria’s powerlessness

    i love Daria’s shame

    i love Daria’s helplessness

    i love Daria’s confusion

    i love Daria’s heartbreak

    I love Daria’s desperation

    I love Daria’s overwhelm

    I love Daria’s dor

    I love Daria’s yearning

    I love Daria’s longing

    I love Daria’s fear

    I love Daria’s dissapointment

    I love Daria’s shock

    I love Daria’s betrayal

    I love Daria’s humiliation

    I love Daria’s betrayal feelings

    I love Daria’s humiliation feelings

    I love Daria’s sadness

    I love Daria’s pain

    I love Daria’s nausea

    I love Daria’s chokeyness

    I love Daria’s sinking

    I love Daria’s cold back

    I love Daria’s sobbing

    I love Daria’s hmfff

    I love Daria’s squeeze in the brain

    I love Daria’s tiredness

    I love Daria’s smile and laugh

    I love Daria’s body and soul



  244.  #244Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 6:17 pm

    I’m remembering the advice you sirens gave me about my friend with the obsessive boyfriend. I wanna be there for her as a friend but it is really draining for me. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel judgmental. She doesn’t have a phone and I feel smothered because he keeps callin mine, and she has to ask me for it all the time to check in with him. She keeps making excuses and looks to me to validate her opinion. I just try to stay silent. But I feel like ARGH!!!!



  245.  #245Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Emoticon it is ok to have boundaries and not let her use your phone if it’s not feeling good for you. If he wants to talk to her so bad, HE CAN BUY HER A PHONE.

    It’s not fair for them to put you in the middle. You are trying to be a good friend (sweet) but they, perhaps, are abusing your generosity. Just my opinion that you deserve better. Focus on yourself and let them figure out their drama. πŸ™‚ xoxo

    Hugs
    Emerson



  246.  #246Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    In my experience “obsessive” boyfriends are the ones that are cheaters and mistrustful because they are unfaithful themselves. I’m just sayin’…..



  247.  #247Daria on October 11, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Goddess I want to understand this whole money thing and how it could be of joy to me

    and i want to heal up any feelings of powerlessness and less than ness regarding it

    I was thinking that I could just receive an easy comfortable usable 20,000 $ as a sign that im totally able to engage this energy however and whenever i want and i have – i was thinking power over it – but that doesn’t quit feel good….

    yeah i do want to have power over it wow!

    ok that it doesn’t have “power over me”

    that i don’t have to feel scared of it

    i don’t want to feel scared of it

    thanks Goddess

    id like to heal this thank you!



  248.  #248Daria on October 11, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Goddess i feel ashamed and scared that I want MORE stuff

    I want to feel inspired to sing in ways that get me awesome worshipful attention

    and that make me feel good

    i want to feel moved to sing and rap and make music

    and i want to feel satisfied and good by what i’m making

    thanks!



  249.  #249Starla on October 11, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Okay, woah, Rori’s tools work too well.

    So I’ve been doing my darnedest to lean back with CD1 aka crack fix, and it’s been working great.

    CD1 asked me to come to his thanksgiving dinner. And starting about a week ago, he has been calling me and texting me and trying to see me every day. He keeps going on and on about how much he misses me when I’m not around, and he is really opening up to me and showing me how in love he is falling with me and how at my mercy he is.

    Woah. It. Feels. Intense.

    I have all the power here.

    And when I realized I had it today, I thought…omg I don’t want this power. I feel turned off! I see him as weak and that feels yuck, like every other man I’ve ever dated.

    Pattern for me with a 100% batting average. It can’t be that all these guys are weak, but something deeper.

    It is bringing up so many triggers. I will heal this.



  250.  #250Daria on October 11, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    I want to be acknowledged as an equal and honored

    I want to be supported and admired

    I want to be noticed for the wonderful things about me that I may not even notice



  251.  #251Starla on October 11, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    I know if I continue to lean back, he will not feel so shaky, but in control himself, and we will both continue to turn each other on in this way.

    I have a tendency to lean forward when guys get all whipped over me, because I feel like it’s safe to run the show finally, and that leaning forward won’t drive them off.

    But it still causes problems in our dynamic. Big, big problems. This time, with this man especially, I am going to lean back extra hard!!

    And spend lots of time taking care of myself and focusing on me and CD’ing!! Especially circular dating! Until our relationship is heading toward marriage. I can do this at least until the the end of the year. I can so do this.

    I dont want another great man to end up in a dysfunctional relationship with me.

    I don’t want to go from us thinking the world of each other to wondering when we’ll ever be happy together.

    I know I can heal this on my side. And I trust any good man to heal this on his:)



  252.  #252Daria on October 11, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    Go Starla Go!



  253.  #253Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    She told me he’s doing it because he is in love and doesn’t wanna get his heart broken.

    I know exactly what you mean Emerson, love means mutual love and respect in addition to the affection and communication. Tonight he was mad because we were at the library with some guys because she has a midterm tomorrow. I would like to know that my boyfriend loves me and wants me to do well at school. I think she feels special that he’s scared to see her around other men.

    Now I feel weird because I feel like she wants me to tag along with her when she’s away from him so that he’s able to contact her 24/7. Yet if I ask her to go out, hang out or go to a party she can’t go because she doesn’t want to offend him. I need to keep away from her for my own sanity.



  254.  #254Daria on October 11, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    I feel like I want to be acknowledged as the best and better than other people and I don’t want that

    I don’t want to create separation

    I want to be awesome and I want to be acknowledged for it and i want other people to acknowledge for being awesome

    and i feel scared!!

    and ashamed and confused by my wanting to be the best

    wanting to crush em, be better than them

    i love the crush em, be better, be the top of the pyramid, win the tournament, kill your enemies me

    i feel my tummy turning on that last one

    sigh

    thank you for writing that Daria



  255.  #255LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    246:

    Had one of those obsessive possessive types…you have a point there. He was suspicious that I would take more than 20 minutes to do the grocery shopping…all the while he was chasing his ex.



  256.  #256Daria on October 11, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    I feel like i want to be competitive and I feel ashamed of that

    and confused and dismayed!

    i want to heal this!



  257.  #257LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    249:

    Starla, you are a champion Siren!!!



  258.  #258Daria on October 11, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    Thank you for feeling what I feel

    and allowing me to heal

    Goddess knows what is real

    what my soul will reveal

    Goddess knows what is real

    what my soul will reveal

    Goddess knows what is real

    what my soul will reveal



  259.  #259Daria on October 11, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Goddess I know i said 20, and you might like to give me 21 thousand dollars, or maybe 21, 213 dollars and 23 cents!!

    its ok!

    go for it you know what i mean

    i want to learn about numbers!



  260.  #260Daria on October 11, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    i fi was life i would give 223379 o h lala

    put a point cuz so much feels scary, feels turny in tummy!

    don’t want to get sick! whatn to feel GOOD!!

    yes yes 22335.79 like the leaf on a tree witha house in it

    smelly sappy leaves



  261.  #261Daria on October 11, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    okay i want to live somewhere where i feel free to bring my guests and where i feel WANTED

    and supported and yet Comfortable and healthy and beautiful

    and i want to feel like a blessing there

    and i feel afraid that i’m not a blessing and that people will turn against me and resent me and suddenly when im not feeling powerful or free or able to easily make me leave!

    and that i will feel uncomfortable!

    and i don’t want that!!

    i want to feel like im a blessing!

    and i feel guilty to think about having guests!

    oh i want to feel that its easy and deserved and GREAT

    mmmmm

    i want to see this feel this goddess

    i want help to see it

    i feel the resistance in my nausea tummy tunr and tight teeth

    i love my tummy turn and teeth



  262.  #262Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    253 Emoticon
    I feel that is a good thing – keep your own sanity by keeping your distance.

    I’ve been caught up in similar drama with people (in my younger days) just trying to “help” and later realized I should have been focusing on my own life…and when I needed help, they weren’t there for me at all. Live and learn.



  263.  #263Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Lili he might have had trust issues because of past experiences



  264.  #264LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    I just had a long talk with my best friend.

    She is such an awesome Siren!

    She said to me that she doesn’t understand why she can be so in love with a great man, and still be so well grounded and not let herself be totally wrapped up in him.

    She’s able to tell him that she loved her time w him over the weekend, but felt tired and exhausted from being w kids all weekend. Allthough she absolutely loves him and the kids, she expressed that and then told him she needed to get back home early in the afternoon to be by herself to rest and be ready for the hectic workweek ahead. She needed to regain her energy to have a good workweek. While she is totally in love w this man and he is totally in love w her.

    I said to her : You’ve had 4 years alone in casual dating, of disappointments and heartaches, that all brought you to FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF. You now love yourself too much to abandon yourself.

    That’s her way of leaning back, and there’s nothing this man won’t do for her. She never knew about Rori, but uses her tools without even knowing it. She just suffered enough.

    After 5 months together, he already brought-up moving in together.

    She’s my idol. No wait, my 2 best friends are my Siren idols, the 2nd one just got back from her honeymoon.

    I am so blessed to have these great examples of 2 women that have been through many failed relationships, loneliness, and finally found the right man who wants to comitt.

    What I have found in these 2 sirens is that they both firmly stand up for themselves in a soft loving way and they lean back. But they both fell in love w themselves before these great men came along.



  265.  #265Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Yes Emerson. I def don’t want to help as much as I feel bad abt how things are. I feel like nothing I do or say will change anything or matter at all. I need to just remove myself from the situation.



  266.  #266Emerson on October 11, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    ((Hugs)) Emoticon it is obvious that you are sweet and care about others. I feel soft and smily thinking about you and your kindness…and you’re studying so hard in school. πŸ™‚



  267.  #267VW on October 11, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Awww…I love you Goddess Daria πŸ™‚ I feel sooo inspired and supported by your wisdom and friendship!!!!

    Believe it and it would happen!

    warm hugs,



  268.  #268Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 7:36 pm

    Thank you Emerson. I appreciate you and your comments so much. πŸ˜€



  269.  #269LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    263:

    Hi FW!

    No, his ex actually called me and let me know that he was chasing her behind my back…like he once did to her. He was also very possessive towards her, while chasing someone else. He’s a very controlling person w even his friends…which don’t stay around for very long either. I only dated him for 3 months until he drove me insane.

    That’s OK, I learned a lot about what it does to someone when they are not trusted and they are controlled…like that’s what a man feels like when I am being the flypaper.



  270.  #270la chiquita bonita on October 11, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    just got on ok cupid dating website again…i dont know what it is about online dating…i feel lazy like i dont want to meet these strangers ugh but I feel hopeful to meet someone. I feel lazy and i dont feel excited about circular dating and dating even the ones i dont like eck…should i try it? I just feel so bored and confused…I feel angry im so attached to someone and thats why im doing this bs..ok i just need to focus stay on my bridge!!



  271.  #271Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    LILI 41 I would go CRAZY! In that situation you were in. I am sooo turned off my clingy guys because they smother you from the very beginning and that’s a big red flag for me because I feel like they can only get more possessive. I Do Not, by any means want to be with a possessive man. Any1 who knows me knows I’m loyal, but at the same time VERY free spirited. Any man who doesn’t trust me enough to let me be my free spirited self can never me the one for me because I won’t feel happy at all!!!



  272.  #272LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 7:46 pm

    265:

    Sorta like the drowning women pulling down the lifeguard, and drowning the lifeguard who’s trying to save her.



  273.  #273Starla on October 11, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    LILI thank you for sharing about your walk with your friend. I love this idea of falling in love with myself! I think I am falling in love with myself…that is what has been happening with me for the last 3 months.

    Oh gosh, I really have! Wow! I thought it was this one man…but it’s really just that he’s given me the space and respect for me to fall in love with myself!

    And I am so much happier than the old Dorothea these days. πŸ™‚



  274.  #274Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    La chiquita bonita, CDing guys you don’t like is not as hard as you may think. When I get all Sireny, I actually see them as being interesting or attractive or even just ok-looking. But the Siren-Goddess Emoticon, always finds SOMETHING desirable about men that seemed undesirable.



  275.  #275LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    271:

    Yep, me too Emoticon.
    Can’t believe I lasted 3 months. But that was 2 and a half years ago and I got over it lickety split.



  276.  #276Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    Yep LILI thank goodness for red flags lol



  277.  #277Starla on October 11, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    Emoticon, sometimes I power speech my friends, but in a really really humble way.

    “Hey, okay this might sound totally strange to you but if you would just hear me out I would appreciate it so much…I don’t want you using my phone all the time to stay in touch with (his name) whenever we hang out. Like I said, i know i might sound like a nut here, but I’m starting to feel all uptight and pissy and I don’t want to feel that way cuz I like hanging out with you and I don’t want to stop! I know he’s important to you so is there anything we can do about this?”



  278.  #278Starla on October 11, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    I had a friend always using my phone to cheat on her husband, so I told her after a bit of this that she couldn’t do that anymore with my phone and I meant it.

    Then her husband found out later about her affair, and he beat the crap out of her.

    My friend said if I had been a better friend, I would have stopped her from cheating.

    Um, hello??

    Some people…



  279.  #279Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    Starla Thank you! I feel a little scared to do it, in case it is taken the wrong way but I need to stop being a pushover. I can’t just sit there irritated.



  280.  #280LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    273:

    You R such an inspiring Goddess yourself Starla. Please keep sharing.
    You are 1 more proof that Rori knows what she’s talking about.



  281.  #281Femininewoman on October 11, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    Lili I still believe he has trust issues. It is unlikely that a person keep running the same program in his life without a past being connected to it. I don’t believe it is about you or his ex.



  282.  #282LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    277:

    FMs work with friends too.
    I actually said that about my newlywed friend : She could be pissed at you and telling yu off…and you still feel loved by her. Then I realized that she always speaks in FMs even w her friends.



  283.  #283Starla on October 11, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    Emoticon, if you’re gonna end up blowing this girl off anyway, the least I would do is practice this new communicating thing with her. It’s the least she owes you, anyway, for all those times you let her use your phone hehe.

    The worst thing that will happen is you’ll end up not being friends anymore, which is where you’re headed anyway. The best is that the situation will improve, and you can focus on more positive time with her.

    Most people don’t WANT to be self absorbed vampires. They need a safe place to realize they don’t HAVE to be.



  284.  #284Starla on October 11, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    Oh and of course either way you get to practice communicating!!



  285.  #285LILI 41 on October 11, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    281:

    Definitely FW, childhood abandonment.
    He is so desperate to not be alone, that he grabs on to 2 at the same time to have 1 on standby in case it doesn’t workout with 1. He’s always got 2.
    Crazy scared of ending up alone.

    But that’s his business. I’m glad I’m out of his business.



  286.  #286Starla on October 11, 2011 at 8:30 pm

    gnight sirens:)



  287.  #287Tiffany on October 11, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    Lele – clearly you are an artiste! I hope the cheesecake thing works out for you…yum. I love cheesecake! πŸ™‚



  288.  #288Emoticon on October 11, 2011 at 8:40 pm

    Thank you 4 the words of encouragement Starla. Will work on. FM πŸ™‚



  289.  #289Tiffany on October 11, 2011 at 8:53 pm

    Starla (149) – I know how you feel!!

    “I don’t want this power. I feel turned off! I see him as weak and that feels yuck, like every other man I’ve ever dated.”

    I have felt that so many times….

    And what I really want is for a guy to be in love with me and for me to respect him at the same time…arr.

    Good night!



  290.  #290AmazingMe on October 11, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    @234 You are so right. I mean I feel the exact same way!! Done trying so hard, I look at men and smile and try to carry myself with a good attitude. I feel wayyy less stressed! ..



  291.  #291AmazingMe on October 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm

    Well sirens I finally made it to PORT CHARLOTTE. Yay I am in a room where dolls are starin at me ewww….but appreciate to see my dad. I got lost a little on way, Dang GPS. My test is Thursday..Yay excited and nervous. Feelin like i want to vomit but trying to sink into this material and what I need to focus on…..XOXO



  292.  #292AmazingMe on October 11, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    OMG…These dogs bark at everything and the worst is one barks at me and chases me trying to bite my toes..lmao…



  293.  #293English Woman on October 11, 2011 at 10:29 pm

    Ella, SLV, Tinque and Daria

    Thank you for your replies re my friend and her man. And “work” was definitely the wrong word to use I see that. πŸ™

    She took herself off for a little break to see how she felt and was focusing on her own needs as she works very long hours (nursing). And to come home to him having written that letter was just awful. But I suppose it had been on his mind all this time and better to get it out into the open now rather than years down the track.

    I was just having doubts about RR stuff because I felt bad for my friend and guilty about leading her here, although she loves the e-letters, maybe this is more about my own doubts than anything else. And my impatience and feeling blah over the dating sites yet again, so I kept off the island and now I am WAY behind on the blog. Time to catch up. πŸ™‚



  294.  #294English Woman on October 11, 2011 at 10:31 pm

    #291 Amazing Me

    All the VERY best for your exams on Thursday, I am sure you will do just fine!! Think positive and all will be well. πŸ˜€



  295.  #295alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    i feel like i want to have the no girlfriend speech with this dude and i havent even met him yet. but he feels very up my ass with his “i miss yous” and future talk and i feel like pushing him out of the plane.

    like stop.

    just stop.

    u dont even freaking know me,

    ANNNNNDNDDDDDD more importantly I DONT FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU

    maybe yet
    maybe never

    just back off

    i dont know how to say it



  296.  #296alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 11:15 pm

    ok this is what i just emailed him

    dear lovely man who has crashed upon my goddess shores (i did not write this i actually just wrote his name here)

    i feel uncomfortable.

    i feel unsure what is the solution.

    but i feel these words i read are farther ahead than i emotionally am feeling at this time.

    i am open to meet people. i am dating. if more develops naturally, great. but i dont want to feel pressured or locked down.

    what do you think?



  297.  #297alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 11:22 pm

    so i bought this little blush in a pot, loose powder blush—in a little pot. and i started opening it in my car but it was really weird like

    i couldnt figure out how to get it to come out. so i was using the tip of my car key to flip open the plastic thing and

    wooooooppppphhhffff

    red powder blush EVERYWHERE. on my jeans. on my pretty shirt. on my car seat. on my car carpet.

    suckmya**. sucker.

    boo.

    still though. i wasnt that mad and it was kind of funny.

    even though i saw a big pile of it on the carpet as i was getting out of my car.

    yae.

    i’m awesome.



  298.  #298alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 11:45 pm

    so he wrote back

    “what do you mean?’

    and i felt soooooooooo turned off.

    i wrote

    “i feel confused why someone wouldnt understand what i wrote. i wrote clearly.”

    He write back

    “have a good one πŸ™‚ ”

    ——–

    are you serious?

    one minute you’re all flypapering me. next minute you dont understand language enough to understand what i wrote. and then the next minute it’s goodbye.

    just like that. no convo. one minute you miss me. next minute goodbye.

    i think some men just flypaper out of insecurity. they’ll go hard just to lock you up but they arent really CHOOSING the goddess they are just keeping her on lockdown to soothe their inscuirites while they decide.

    whatever. good riddance. glad to have him out of my hair and out of my rotation.



  299.  #299alias girl lol on October 11, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    i actually feel relieved and lighter.

    lol. ah free therapy.



  300.  #300Butterfly Wings on October 12, 2011 at 3:45 am

    Hi everybody! Phew what a week! TH has been staying here the last week and went home yesterday (he is on leave from work so just stayed here while I worked – my dog was thrilled!).

    Things have been ok. We had a little bit of an argument on two occasions over the weekend. He was telling me what to do and I was triggered and got really angry, although I didn’t yell at him. I just calmly asked him to leave me alone.

    Later, after I’d calmed down I told him I felt angry and didn’t want to be told what to do. I then dropped it because I wasn’t looking for an outcome or an apology – I just wanted to express that I didn’t like it and how I felt because of what happened.

    Within an hour we were back to normal. The old me would have stuffed my feelings and pretended it was ok, and nothing would have been said – all because in the past I was so afraid of confrontation. But I told him how I felt and I told him I didn’t like it – and no confrontation! Wow! πŸ™‚

    It’s been almost 24 hours since we last spoke – I attended an event for businesswomen last night and stopped by his house (at his request) on my way home. And nothing since I left. Yep and it’s only been 24 hours and I’m not liking it! lol

    Oh and also, a friend of his told me she was including me on an invite to her birthday party which is this coming weekend. It’s going to be quite a classy event I believe. I know he received the invitation and I know that he knows I was on the invite (thanks to a post on FB when she asked if he was coming and was I joining him). But he’s not even mentioned it to me, so I am trying SOOOO hard not to bring it up!!!

    The thing is, I have a gf who wants me to do something with her, but I don’t want to say yes, because I’ll be letting the other girl down who told me about this party over a month ago. And of course I’d really like to go to this party with him too – if he ever asks! Argh!

    I know that if I hint by asking if he’s bought her a present, or if he has plans this weekend, that’s “asking the innocent question” and that’s a big no-no right??? Blah!

    Anyway, I have so much to do tonight and I’m so tired too, so having him as a distraction is NOT a good thing right now and I should focus on these other things!

    I’ve just finished watching DVD#4 of the Commitment Blueprint (or is it #3??), and I am LOVING it so far!

    I think I’ll do my initial watching of each DVD then go back and write down some daily “reminders” for myself because I do often forget. I have a fabulous App in my phone that would remind me of this stuff too. Yay!

    Alright, it’s getting late and I have lots to do. Take care everybody! xxx



  301.  #301Mel on October 12, 2011 at 4:30 am

    So it’s the day of our tentative “maybe we should get together” plans. Still haven’t heard anything from him at all. Do I just let today go by? Do nothing? Send a text that says “So?” or “Curious…” I have back-up plans, but would obviously prefer to see him… only if he WANTS to see me too.

    What do you think?



  302.  #302marina on October 12, 2011 at 4:41 am

    hello dear Sirens!
    I found the perfect pair of classy black leather open shoes with a little heel.
    Feels good to be finally able to finish my outfits with these beautiful shoes (instead of wearing black sneakers…lol)

    Also bought some dark purple brownish shoe polish for my other pair of open shoes. They look like a new pair of shoes now!

    And I am getting new heels for my leather boots.
    So it’s almost like I have 3 new pairs πŸ˜€

    Feeling happy!

    Xxx



  303.  #303Starla on October 12, 2011 at 5:07 am

    Mel:) MORNING, LADY!

    Hehe I’m never up this early but I’m going to take a grad school entrance exam that lasts something like 5 hours. LOL! Ridiculous requirement.

    Anyway, I’m curious who you have tentative plans with? I always struggle with this, but as far as I know, we can have a hard and fast boundary, like “I feel so disappointed! When I didn’t hear from you further about getting together today, I made other plans!” You have to decide for yourself by when you’d like to hear from men to firm up plans, and then stick to it, unless they call up super apologetic talking about how a pelican ate their cell phone and all that so they couldn’t call but would still love to see you. And then you just go with how you feel, kinda like how you went with how you felt about architect dude requesting a date after dissing you.



  304.  #304Mel on October 12, 2011 at 5:13 am

    Good luck today Starla!!

    It’s with sexysarcastic (man-crack). He’s been MIA. πŸ™ So should I just be silent unless he contacts me? I feel sad. I really wanted to see him!

    On a positive note architect has been TOTALLY stepping up. I still don’t feel entirely receptive though. Thankfully he’s not pushy.



  305.  #305Daria on October 12, 2011 at 5:15 am

    @mel

    well if that was me, what im practicing now is feeling worthy of full pursuit

    so i would not ‘nudge’ him in any way

    since he didn’t contact me the day before at least to firm things up with a time i’m already busy with all the fun things I have planned for myself today

    and if he calls i will let him know i feel so disappointed and i already have plans now… and i miss him and it would feel lovely to see him



  306.  #306Mel on October 12, 2011 at 5:16 am

    Just heard that Blackberry has been down intermittently for the past four days. Could this explain something? We do most of our communication with bbm.

    Ugh! this just makes me want to email him MORE! In case he’s been trying to be in touch and thinks I’m ignoring him!



  307.  #307Daria on October 12, 2011 at 5:16 am

    YAY Starla



  308.  #308Leo on October 12, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Hi Ladies!

    I hope one of you could help me finishing up with my script…

    I miss my Man initiating sex during the day. And at night he often is too tired, and he actually apologizes. So why not just do it during the day when we both are awake and dont really have much to do (except like getting groceries, which one can do a little later, no problem)? πŸ˜‰

    My script goes something like this…

    Hi Honey… I’m feeling sad, untouched, unwanted right now. Can we talk about it? I now a good time, or rather later?
    (If he agrees to talk about it, i would go sth like this…)
    It would feel so great to feel more wanted by you, to have more making out time, to have more sex.
    What can we do about it?

    And here I am lost….
    I mean, if he says something like “Well…at night i am just so tired” I feel like snapping at him “Well, lets do it during the day!”
    But if he doesnt come up with this solution….

    How can I lead to this? How can I ask so he migth get it?
    I am not supposed to make suggestions. So I am lost to how i could go on with my script.

    Thanks a lot!!!

    Greetings from Germany… Leo



  309.  #309Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Leo I would start with asking if now is a good time to talk about something you just realised. Also that physical touch is important to me to feel loved. I would leave out unwanted. I would include something where he could visualize what we had before and tell him that I miss that and the sex. If you are living together I would also include lightly touching him on the shoulder when talking. I would also include lowering my voice and shoulders.

    If he is tired, he is tired and snapping at him will not change anything. If anything he might withdraw further. He might need a half hour or so when he gets home to unwind and relax before connecting. I would include something in there during the conversation to see if he needs that. Also as this might be an intense conversation there will be a need to really pause during the conversation to allow him to process what you said and then to respond. Just bear in mind also that he might be upset about something and might go into expressing that.



  310.  #310Mel on October 12, 2011 at 6:46 am

    OK, ladies… need your help!

    I got a message from him that’s sort of feeling unexcited/uninspired. Basically, he’s been crazy busy and then he says “I am certainly able to do something tonight..not feeling top shape though..I feel bad for feeling so unpresentable!”

    Not really sure how to respond to this.

    What I want to do is express my understanding about the being crazy busy part. I totally get that. Life happens. So that’s where I wanted to start.

    But… I wanted to also express something like…

    It feels like perhaps today isn’t a good day for you, and I want to have a fun time when we go out, so maybe it’s best to reschedule? What do you think?

    Also… I wanted to say something like…

    But because you’re so busy, and I don’t want to feel pushy it would feel best if you got back to me when you’re more up to it. Otherwise, it feels like I’m chasing after you, and I don’t want to feel that way.

    Please help with the tweaking!



  311.  #311Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 6:46 am

    RE 306 Mel consider that if you are aware that bbm was down he most likely will find that out also.



  312.  #312Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 6:49 am

    Mel I prefer this “I sense that perhaps today isn’t a good day for you, and I want to have a fun time when we go out, so maybe it’s best to reschedule? What do you think?

    The second part seems to much about him, imho



  313.  #313VW on October 12, 2011 at 6:50 am

    Leo:

    I would say something like:

    “Hi honey, something is been on my heart bugging me for a while…when would it be a good time for us to talk?

    after he agrees to the time, i would say:

    “Lately, we haven’t had sex and gosh, I feel a bit needy and wanting that closeness to you…:( what do you think we could do?”

    If he says about the nite being tired, i would say…

    “Sweetie, i feel open to experiencing closeness during the day too…what do you think?”

    something like this….:)

    what do you think Leo?

    warm hugs,



  314.  #314Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 6:51 am

    Mel “I feel bad for feeling so unpresentable” this suggests to me that he is feeling a sense of obligation and I wouldn’t want someone to be feeling that way about taking me out when we go out. It might dampen the excitement. I would also include that I can do…. or that I have some other plan to enjoy my day.



  315.  #315Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 6:56 am

    VW is feeling needy a feeling? I tend to prefer using I feel turned off.



  316.  #316VW on October 12, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Mel:

    I would not say as much as you been “thinking” to say πŸ™‚

    If I were in this situation, i would say:

    “Oh…wow…i feel a bit sad reading the message, yet happy to hear from you…and I admit, I feel a bit unsure of what we should do…I feel open though to hear what your suggestion is…:)”

    and then, I will accept the suggestion that feels the best for me…what do u think Mel?
    warm hugs



  317.  #317Mel on October 12, 2011 at 6:59 am

    So I should leave out the part about not wanting to chase after him?

    I should just trust that he knows that it’s now up to him to reschedule with me if he wants?

    How should I close it?

    I look forward to seeing you soon… ??

    I don’t know…



  318.  #318VW on October 12, 2011 at 7:01 am

    FW:

    the word needy for me …opens my heart and creates a vulnerable space for me to express…:)

    each one of us connects to certain words more than other…my “neediness”…can be a “feeling” message…:)

    hope it makes sense…i stopped looking for “rightness” in the word…but rather connection and feeling to the “word”…

    warm hugs,



  319.  #319Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 7:02 am

    Mel after reading Jilly’s boyfriend comment about the chase it clicked in my head that chasing involves someone running away. I would not want to paint that picture of myself to a man I was interested in. Neither would I want to suggest to a man that he needs to be running away from me.



  320.  #320Mel on October 12, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Thanks VW…

    I like how you put it! I may go with a combo of FW’s and your message.



  321.  #321VW on October 12, 2011 at 7:04 am

    Mel:

    That feels great Mel!

    warm hugs,



  322.  #322Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 7:05 am

    VW I asked because I had a cd once talking about a male who he described as being very needy. He face and body language exuded very negative energy. So I made a mental note that he in particular experiences it as negative and make a conscious effort to express actual feeling with him or to use comparisons of things to create a picture.



  323.  #323Mel on October 12, 2011 at 7:06 am

    I’ll let you know how it goes! πŸ™‚ Thanks for the “emergency assistance” ladies!



  324.  #324VW on October 12, 2011 at 7:09 am

    FW:

    My experience is when i admit to feeling “needy”…i would melt and purr :)…and men…all men i expressed it to…were going “gaga” over it…

    So, one is for us to admit feeling this way…and another to be perceived that way…

    We can be perceived needy when we “think” we have it all going on…:)

    I intend to own my “shit”…:) there is no game…and i sure love my “neediness”…:)

    warm hugs,



  325.  #325Senior Lady Vibe on October 12, 2011 at 7:17 am

    @293: English Woman says:
    “…Ella, SLV, Tinque and Daria
    Thank you for your replies re my friend and her man. And β€œwork” was definitely the wrong word to use I see that…”

    I don’t believe the word is necessarily wrong. I use “work” all the time, in the sense of “working on myself.” This is something I learned from my mother and grandmother and the women in the family still are strong believers. As they would tell us… “she ‘gave him the air’ [their old-fashioned phrase meaning she dumped his butt!] and worked on herself.”

    And “working on self” doesn’t have to involve a man at all because it’s just for the woman. Often, it’s health and beauty glamorizing but also going back to school for Master’s degree or something else, starting a social club, taking dance classes, art classes, cooking classes, starting a business, traveling, taking up all sorts of new friends and interests.

    Your friend did not do anything wrong, nor you! You were helpful to her. It’s great to have friends who are concerned with our feelings and well-being. She’s lucky to have you as a friend.

    If she now “works on” being happy rather than only “getting” any one particular man, she’ll be in a better place.

    πŸ˜€
    xoxo



  326.  #326tinque on October 12, 2011 at 7:20 am

    Leo – Did you try out any of the several suggestions I outlined for you?

    xxoo



  327.  #327Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Thanks for explaining VW



  328.  #328Lele on October 12, 2011 at 7:24 am

    ok, this is a new one for me! was chatting with a guy on one of the dating sites and he turned on his web cam. OMGoodness! He stood up, did not have any pants on and started massaging himself!!!!!!

    Eeeeeeeeeewwww!!!!! Silly me, i could not just close the window. lol I had to type ‘Oh no. Good bye.’ before I closed. ick ick ick ick ick

    I feel icky, wicky, yuck!
    I’d rather tangle with a skunk than have someone violate me like that!



  329.  #329Mel on October 12, 2011 at 7:25 am

    I also wanted to fill you in on my date with the architect yesterday.

    He collects these retro designer chairs (yes… a very odd hobby! πŸ™‚ ) and asked if I would like to accompany him on a short road trip to go pick one up. It was located in a cute little historical town, which I’ve never visited, and he said he’s love to take me out to eat there after we picked up his acquisition.

    So keep in mind that I’m new to this area and have no real idea where anything is….

    He asked if I wouldn’t mind being the navigator. I did amazingly well! πŸ™‚ It was actually super fun to just rely on my “instincts” and common sense. I was able to get us exactly where we needed to be and he was super impressed! No maps… just relying on what “felt” right. LOL. For example, we were trying to find the downtown waterfront and I suggested turning left because it was going downhill and I sensed that the water would be at a lower elevation. I also have super good vision and have a knack for finding tiny road signs that others could easily miss. he said I’m better than a GPS and wishes he could bring me on all of his adventures. Funny!

    Anyway we picked up his chair and stayed to chat a bit with the older couple that was selling it. He ended up going through their house and helping them determine the authenticity of various pieces of furniture they owned. He sure knows his stuff! He would be like “oh… that’s a replica because the seams are stitched with the wrong kind of thread…” etc. It was amusing. It was kinda cute to see someone so passionate about something.

    Then we went out for a nice dinner, and had an enjoyable time.

    Even though it was a fairly long drive… it didn’t feel too awkward, which is good. Again, though… not feeling a whole lot romantically. I don’t feel bed spending time with him though, so no reason to cut him loose.

    Anyway.. that’s the story of my interesting day. LOL



  330.  #330Mel on October 12, 2011 at 7:27 am

    bed=bad. lol πŸ˜‰



  331.  #331VW on October 12, 2011 at 7:29 am

    Freudian slip Mel maybe???…;)



  332.  #332Lele on October 12, 2011 at 7:34 am

    I feel angry, tired, sad
    I want to be treated with respect
    I don’t want to be meat
    yammer, jammer, hammer, suck mud
    bottom feeding, slack jaw, slug
    He’d drown in a shower ’cause he’d forget to close his mouth
    I feel pain, sad, bad
    turd head
    I feel I want to push everything away
    ick ick ick ick yucky ick



  333.  #333Leo on October 12, 2011 at 7:34 am

    Thanks Femininewoman!
    And sorry… i feel a little defensive right now. Dont get me wrong.
    I would not snap at him about him being tired. I know this doesnt get me nowhere. Its just that i kinda feel like doing so.
    And yes, I would def. give him some time to respond to what i am saying.
    Oh and it’s not like I am all over him the minute he comes home from work πŸ˜€ Of course he gets time to unwind, I know he needs that.
    I am rather talking about a pretty relaxing weekend, not much to do, maybe getting groceries, cooking, watching a movie or going out.
    And then sometimes at night, he says he si too tired (cause of the hard week at work).
    Then i just dont understand why he did not initiate sex during the day, when he was still wide awake?
    And yes… the physical level is important to me feeling loved…
    Thanks for those words!



  334.  #334Leo on October 12, 2011 at 7:38 am

    Oh, thank you VW !!
    This sentence helped me so much
    β€œSweetie, i feel open to experiencing closeness during the day too…what do you think?”

    I thought of something like… “i love being physical with you during the day too… what do you think?

    Just afraid that its too much suggestions.
    But it sounds good.
    I will have that in mind.



  335.  #335Leo on October 12, 2011 at 7:40 am

    @ Tinque:
    Leo – Did you try out any of the several suggestions I outlined for you?

    Sorry…but… what do you mean by that?
    What do you mean by outline?
    I am missing something… sorry



  336.  #336Lele on October 12, 2011 at 7:42 am

    I was feeling good.
    Drove around yesterday taking backroads to find a house that a friend wanted me to look at. Enjoying all the fall colors in the sparkling sunshine.
    lol…. wouldn’t ya know it, the sun just went behind the clouds. it is amazing what a little bit of sun can do to lift the spirits.

    scum eating varmit

    I love myself for feeling angry
    I love myself for not feeling responsible
    I love me for handling this
    i love myself
    i love this icky feeling
    i love me
    I am beautiful
    I am worthy
    I am deserving of respect
    i am beautiful
    I love me



  337.  #337Mel on October 12, 2011 at 7:47 am

    331 VW:

    Yup, that’s exactly what I was thinking! LOL

    ” I don’t feel bed about him” heeheehee πŸ˜€



  338.  #338tinque on October 12, 2011 at 8:01 am

    Leo – you got a copy of the recording where one of the questions I answered was yours, this question, yes? if not, I’ll send it to you again.

    xxoo



  339.  #339Leo on October 12, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Tinque,
    gosh… I feel so…embarrassed.
    I dont know were it went.
    Would be great if you could send it again!
    Thanks!

    Yes, I wanted to address how I like I would enjoy having sex with him during the day. But before I got the chance, there was a weekend, where he kinda turned me down 3 times. On monday then he apologized, but there was just so much on his mind. And I told him that i felt sad and that it would make me feel better if i knew this beforehand then it was easier for me to “handle” him (lacking words here. sorry).

    And after that it got of my mind. I had a 3rd re-take of a test in university, so either pass it or you’re out of this study. But there was no other option for me personally.

    So now i just got back to it, and I just re-read a couple of our emails…
    I want to try out the “do-it-myself in his presence”. Liking that one!!!
    And i did ask him again about watching porn together, but… well… he just doesnt understand what i was expecting of this, what my goal was. He just didnt seem fond of it.

    So i guess I will adress how I would enjoy being physical with him during the day, too.

    And hoping, something will work out.
    (What bugs me the most is just… he used to want to have sex with me any day time. not anymore though. maybe i got to much a “mother” for him)



  340.  #340Mel on October 12, 2011 at 8:50 am

    So he replied to my “I feel open to hear what your suggestion is…” with an actual invite to do something specific on Sunday. I’m not feeling thrilled about the fact that it’s Sunday- not a prime dating real estate day. Hoping that doesn’t mean anything… but at least it’s something concrete. πŸ™‚



  341.  #341sammie sighs on October 12, 2011 at 9:00 am

    #328 Wow I had an ex like this we broke up few times and as soon as we got back together I would click webcam on and he would have it wipped out massaging it quicker than I could say hey how’s it going!! I felt turned off by it like that’s all it was! Needless to say we didn’t stay together long I was fed up with opening pictures and webcams to have that constantly staring at me lol I want to be romanced, loved, listened to and respected!!!



  342.  #342Roxy on October 12, 2011 at 9:23 am

    I am glad I read this today. I have a difficult time letting people go. I recently met a man who said all the right things, the electricity is amazing. We’ve only known each other 2wks when like a switch he turns off. He apologizes, says all he said was true. He crashed and is under a lot of stress and just not a good time for him right now. Instead of accepting this and feeling bad for him, I become the victum, I am hurt, I feel mislead, why did this person put themselves out there and say what they said to me. Now what, what do I do? Just walk away? Wait for him? What. Like I said I know it was only 2wks but I am crushed. I don’t want to push him away. I want him in my life. I don’t know what to say or do..



  343.  #343Senior Lady Vibe on October 12, 2011 at 9:27 am

    @340: Mel says:
    “… I’m not feeling thrilled about the fact that it’s Sunday- not a prime dating real estate day. Hoping that doesn’t mean anything… but at least it’s something concrete…”

    I don’t know if yours is day or night but I find Sunday afternoon dates are yummy, especially the rambling about kind you had with your architect guy! And I love a guy with passion like that. One who wants to explore.

    This other guy will probably be fun too.

    It’s a joy to read your posts. I got a chuckle out of the “not bed” thought too… LOL

    πŸ˜€

    xoxo



  344.  #344Mel on October 12, 2011 at 9:34 am

    SLV,

    Yeah it’s Sunday afternoon with sexysarcastic. A Sunday drive in the country to a small town bazaar. It does sound fun, actually… now that I think about it! Especially since I haven’t had my “man-crack” fix from him in a while. I guess I was just hoping for an evening date, if you know what I mean! πŸ˜‰

    I agree about architect’s passion. I found it endearing to see him being the “expert.” and appearing so happy that I joined him on his excursion. I am definitely starting to notice some nice qualities in him when I remain open. Perhaps chemistry will develop over time, and I WILL feel “bed” about him. LOL



  345.  #345Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 9:38 am

    Leo I mentioned it because I was listening to a Rori interview with Kaye Porter where it was mentioned. I have also heard from CCarter about the hunter needing to decompress when he comes home initially. Not suggesting that you would be all over him. Feeling like snapping at him is how you feel and being aware of that is really positive in my opinion because awareness can change everything. Initiating during the day is your thinking and he might get defensive if you mention it because it could be interpreted as you trying to fix him or making him wrong. Tinque asked if you tried out her suggestions but I don’t see where you have responded to her yet.



  346.  #346Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Mel I have heard at least one coach who says if it is Sunday you are in. It is the day before the work week and most people just want to relax that day.



  347.  #347Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 9:40 am

    Sorry Leo I am now seeing your reply to Tinque



  348.  #348Mel on October 12, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Hmmm…. I am feeling fortunate, upon reflection, to have been taken on some pretty interesting and creative dates this past while. I feel lucky and appreciative of what men are giving to me. I feel valued. Like these men know I am spunky and full of life and adventure. And they want to show me a good time.

    Perhaps this is why sexysarcastic has been distant. I sense his energy level is low and stress level is high right now. His comment of “I am certainly able to do something tonight..not feeling top shape though..I feel bad for feeling so unpresentable” makes me think that perhaps he wants me to see him at his best… and make a good impression. he’s been distant because he didn’t want my amazing sireny self to be disappointed with his low energy or lack of creativity.

    Yes… that’s a good turn-around! He just wants to give me his BEST!

    I like it!

    πŸ™‚



  349.  #349Mel on October 12, 2011 at 9:42 am

    FW… Yay… I’m “in!”

    LOL



  350.  #350Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Lele that must have been shocking but the good part is that he showed you what he is about before you went out with him and possibly got invested.



  351.  #351Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 9:45 am

    RE 348 Yep Mel. My experience is that guys tend to work to impress us.



  352.  #352alias girl lol on October 12, 2011 at 10:08 am

    all this talk about prime real estate and i am realizing my hot papi ex used to use prime real estate nights with me.

    he also used to stay late on nights he had to work the next day.

    doesnt alter the fact that he had very little to give. but he knew that. guys know when they are not ready for relationship.

    i trust him when he says that.

    its not like he was courting someone else with time and roses.

    still. i want what i want.
    and i deserve time and roses.



  353.  #353alias girl lol on October 12, 2011 at 10:18 am

    i put a little coconut oil in my hair last night and then slept in it. then this morning i washed my hair twice with (SULFATE FREE!) shampoo and my hair looks AMAZING!!

    it looks like hair in a commercial. almost.



  354.  #354Camille on October 12, 2011 at 10:45 am

    Ooooh Alias Girl…..I bet it looks and smells great!



  355.  #355Tiffany on October 12, 2011 at 11:06 am

    Mel – I am much agreed. Sunday is not the best day for me on dates, either. But nice that he got back to you! πŸ™‚



  356.  #356Lucy on October 12, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Hi everyone. Remember a few days ago when I asked for help about my guy using passive statements instead of asking direct questions when he wanted to know about something? Well, it turns out he says he learned it from me. Hehe. He said he noticed that I did that and he really liked it and thought it was a gentle, loving way to communicate, so he decided to communicate with me in that gentle, loving way too. So… I told him why I communicate that way and he quickly recognized the energy exchange issue, and it sounds like he plans to switch back to a more direct approach.

    It makes me think of how Tinque often says that when we grow and heal, the man often does too. He was so willing to switch to a communication style that he perceived as more loving and open because he saw me being so loving and open with my heart.

    Also, this really does show how much the feminine communication style IS perceived by a man as gentle and loving and something that draws him to a woman who has that feminine authentic vibe.

    I feel so blessed that we have found each other, and so grateful to Rori and all of you for teaching me so much so that I can actually have the relationship I want. πŸ™‚

    <3
    Lucy



  357.  #357Tiffany on October 12, 2011 at 11:21 am

    Argh. I woke up today thinking about the guy from the beach. In a small way, I almost feel like I “miss” him. But darned if I’m going to contact him, or anything like that. Sheesh. Why is it always the toxic ones that I get so attached to?

    They’re toxic for me, but they feel so “right” in the moment. I get attached to them, and they become attached to me, and I can feel it. It feels so good.

    But at the same time, their toxicity bothers me on a very subtle level. Eventually, even the little things they do begin to tick me off, and I end up rejecting them. The rejection hurts ME, and I’M the one who ends up feeling bad (not to mention that I probably hurt them, too, because in addition to being toxic, these guys are more sensitive. And my compassionate nature feels empathy for them, even though I know that how they feel and respond to me is not my responsibility).

    This isn’t a major, earth-shaking feeling that I’m having right now. It’s just kind of a gentle, fluttery thing that is there. I wonder if I could have done something different, but feel certain it would have ended with the same result. He can’t be the right man for me. He’s my ex-fiancΓ© all over again.

    It just raises the question in my mind: are these men really bad for me, and I’m doing a good thing by rejecting them? Or are they really, fundamentally GOOD for me, and I am rejecting them out of fear, unworthiness, and the extreme discomfort I feel at being the center of someone else’s world and someone else’s attention? That is what I want, but then when I have it, I suddenly don’t know what to do and I turn into someone else I don’t even know or recognize.

    πŸ™

    But maybe there is a third option. Maybe there is a type of guy who actually IS good for me. Maybe there is a type of guy who will care for me and love me for ME, but who won’t make me feel smothered or oppressed, or turn me into a raging, controlling, insecure b*tch. Haha. I certainly hope so! πŸ™‚



  358.  #358Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 11:42 am

    Lucy thanks for sharing that. It tells me that when we are willing to change ourselves it can inspire change in others. Just that I am now wondering if can draw out the feminine side of a man.



  359.  #359Lucy on October 12, 2011 at 11:57 am

    FW, yes, that was my concern as well, which was why I wrote about it here a few days ago. I didn’t realize at the time that he had learned it from me, and I was concerned that he was being passive. But the thing is, he is very much in masculine energy most of the time, so it was really just the communication style. And the key I think is not responding to it with masculine energy. Somehow it worked out for us.



  360.  #360Emoticon on October 12, 2011 at 11:59 am

    my CDs are awesome! The type of men I’m attracting into my life right now>>> lol. I could use another tho!



  361.  #361Mel on October 12, 2011 at 12:01 pm

    Yay Emoticon! I’m feeling fortunate today too…



  362.  #362Sarah on October 12, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    Hi ladies! My husband and I got in the stupidest fight this morning, but it is still bothering me 7 hours later. It was the fact that I was running late for work and he still wanted me to let the dog out before I left. Which I said if the dog needed to go out I would, but I didn’t have time to force him out (the dog is 13 so it isn’t an easy task to let him out in the moring). I got in the shower and as I was getting dressed I kept hearing my husband say, “its ok, she will be right there. YOu will go out soon.” This went on for 20 minutes while I got dressed. I come out of the bathroom and was like, ” are you waiting for me to let him out?” He was like, “yeah I was.” I told him that I felt annoyed and I was late for work and I would have felt less stressed and rushed if he could have let him out. He got mad and said that if I didn’t want to help that was fine, but I shouldn’t have told him that I would help and he won’t ask me again. I said when he says that I don’t want to help it hurts my feelings because I do want to help, but if the roles where reverse and he was in teh shower getting ready and I kept waiting for him to take the dog out he would have been just as annoyed. I told him that I simply said I felt annoyed not that I wasn’t going to let him out and I have the right to feel annoyed about this because it is simply my feelings. I also said that it doesn’t make me feel good about the situation when he acts childish simply because I said no to something.

    My question is: should I have done things differently?

    Thanks ladies πŸ™‚



  363.  #363Ella on October 12, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    Evening Sirens from the UK.

    Its beautiful here right now… I love Autumn.

    He he… one of my CDs just sent me this IM message ‘I promise I am not a cereal killer!’

    Ha ha ha ha ha, looool!

    It took quite a lot of restraint not to point out the spelling mistake.



  364.  #364Starla on October 12, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    I killed that exam:) Like really really. I’m so getting my doctorate paid for. It’s happening.

    That’s what’s up!!!!!!!!!!! BAM.

    I know I type like a 13 year old here, and have tantrums like a 2 year old, but I’m one really freaking smart person! Holy cow!



  365.  #365Mel on October 12, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Woohoo Starla!!!! You’re awesome! πŸ™‚

    Cheers… let’s celebrate!



  366.  #366Ella on October 12, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    Well CD1 called up earlier.

    The one with the live in ex.

    And we were talking on the phone and I was asking him questions to try and catch him out a bit…

    And I didn’t even realise I was doing it! And the phonecall felt a little off.

    And when I came off the phone that is when I realised that I was feeling suspicious.

    Like really suspicious. Like making up stories about how this man is trying to trick me and fool me

    πŸ™

    And then I was feeling bad about feeling suspicious, and angry in the mix too.

    And then when I realised how I was feeling after I came off the phone I felt all ‘aha’ and I really wanted to tell him!

    And then I realised obviously that would be leaning forward and so I stopped myself.

    And I just really want to talk to him to express this however he is not calling atm…

    Hmm.

    Oh well, it can wait.

    I do feel suspicious, and that is tainting our interactions atm…



  367.  #367English Woman on October 12, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    Catching up Sirens!!

    Well I just finished reading the Sedona blog and soooo many Sirens with headaches, well I have one too just at the bottom of my skull on the left hand side where the head meets the neck and it’s so throbby, what’s all that about? I don’t sleep with a cell phone under my pillow, so have no idea what is going on here?



  368.  #368English Woman on October 12, 2011 at 12:34 pm

    And sooo many great posts from the Sirens on the Sedona blog, Ella I loved the big post you did and of course Daria and Amazing Me you are sooo pretty and it was lovely to see Esteemed so excited about her new house and oh yeah I just loved it all, adventures galore!! πŸ˜€



  369.  #369Ella on October 12, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    It just reminds me of a situation in my past, pre Rori, where a man gave me all the smooth talk, and I fell totally into an imaginary relationship.

    And got really caught up in it. Slept with him and everything.

    And then saw him out on NYE (when he said he was out of town) out with another woman. And he hid, and then left the bar.

    And I went a little bit mad for a while. And loads of horrendous, dramatic humiliating e-mails followed with me flipping between furious and hateful, to sweet and pleading.

    It was one of the most humiliating dating experiences of my life!

    I felt totally broken and in pain. I was a mess.

    And this situation just triggers memories of that.

    However now I have Rori! And Siren Island.

    And I don’t really know if this situation is the same at all.

    But I do know that it is a GREAT chance to practice… maybe even a do-over. And that feels GREAT!

    I actually feel excited to see how I handle this.

    With expressing and Rori tools and CD-ing.



  370.  #370Ella on October 12, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Hey EW,

    Owww, what big long post did I do?

    I may go and take a look πŸ™‚ xx



  371.  #371Ella on October 12, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Owww, my new CD who I would never normally pay attention to, seems really sweet.

    And he is going to come over one time and we are going to play ‘floor pool’ which is a new game we just made up, played on the floor using rolled up socks and a vacum cleaner tube.

    I feel quite excited!

    I have never played floor pool before!

    He he.

    πŸ™‚



  372.  #372Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    Did You Know:
    Studies show that happiness is contagious and that potential dates find it hard to walk
    away from happy people. One of the biggest turn-offs during a date is negativity.
    Source: Janis Spindel



  373.  #373Femininewoman on October 12, 2011 at 12:54 pm

    Her reaction to feeling nervous was to do something that made her feel in control, so she “tested” him. She performed her pole dance because she figured if
    he liked it, wonderful, but if he didn’t then it was his fault because he couldn’t “handle her.”

    What do you do when you’re nervous? When you’re first getting to know a guy, it’s important that you know how you tend to act to cover up your anxiety.

    Do you become overly talkative or perhaps get completely quiet? Or maybe you are too sensitive to criticism and you become defensive. When someone is nervous they often do things that they aren’t even conscious of, but others are. The best way to find out how you act when you’re nervous is to ask your close family and friends because they will give you an honest answer – without being mean.

    Once you know what you tend to do, you can make a conscious effort to not let these nervous behaviors take over when you’re out with a man. Don’t be like the woman who pole-danced for her date because she decided to give into her feelings of anxiety. Simply
    being aware of your tendencies and not acting on them will set you apart from most women.

    Remember the secret to looking confident isn’t trying to control your feelings by not having any fears, rather it is in managing your anxiety. Everyone gets nervous but it’s how a woman handles her anxiety that determines whether a man thinks she is confident or
    insecure.

    Bob Grant



  374.  #374English Woman on October 12, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Off up to the top of the flypaper blog, hope I catch up one day soon. πŸ™‚



  375.  #375Daria on October 12, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    thanks English woman πŸ™‚



  376.  #376English Woman on October 12, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    What about man crack men that are the flypaper and YOU are the little buzzy fly trapped and wanting to get off the sticky flypaper?



  377.  #377Mel on October 12, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    English Woman RE 376:

    Help! Must…fly….away! LOL

    So true!



  378.  #378AmazingMe on October 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    @376 @377 so true right! Like ok relax sink into your feelings and when you have the strength fly away!!!!



  379.  #379Ella on October 12, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Re 372

    Just be happy

    πŸ™‚

    Although if I feel negative I am still going to express it. If he’s for me he will handle it.

    Although if he is for me maybe I will not feel negative.

    I am enjoying feeling happy right now.



  380.  #380tinque on October 12, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    YAY Lucy…

    xxoo



  381.  #381Ella on October 12, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    Hmmm except that my man crack men don’t cling on to me… And yet I still get stuck onto them sometimes!!



  382.  #382Camille on October 12, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Hey Sirens……..question….if I may
    What is a good sirenly way to say “You are misunderstanding me”………That statement seems to be an accusation to my man. He “seems” to take that statement as me putting fault on him……..which is not my intent. SO…..help me girls with a statement that may seem less accussatory when he does not understand what I mean when Im explaining something.



  383.  #383English Woman on October 12, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Just deleted them ALL off POF, young, old and in between and I feel so happy to be shut of the lot of them LOL!!

    My inbox is empty and I feel good!! πŸ˜€



  384.  #384English Woman on October 12, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    #381 Ella

    I hear you!! πŸ™



  385.  #385alias girl lol on October 12, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    364 good job, starla!!!



  386.  #386Ella on October 12, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Ew re 383,

    Cool if it feels good.

    And I am just wondering how come? I think Rori tends to advise staying open and not shutting off men unless you feel unsafe.

    However as its all one big experiment I am all for doing what feels good.

    Just curious thats all.

    xoxox



  387.  #387Daria on October 12, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Camille – i use “i feel misunderstood”

    and i check with myself to not get into ‘explaining’ with my man – explaining is a form of control… so that may be part of the set up for what’s causing the issue



  388.  #388Ella on October 12, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Camille

    What Daria said and also I might use ‘I feel unheard.’

    xoxox



  389.  #389Ella on October 12, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    EW

    I just wanted to say I have had times of experiencing massive doubts too.

    And then I get past the ickiness and see clearly the whole picture again and the doubts melt away totally.

    And then I can see that however icky it felt at the time it was healing for me.

    And I have come so far.

    And you know what – usually the doubts are actually about me feeling frustrated, or lonely or annoyed.

    Don’ know if its like this for you?

    xxx



  390.  #390Ella on October 12, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    CD1 I felt suspicious… and than I felt bad for feeling suspicious!

    PAUSE.

    And then I felt a bit angry somehow.



  391.  #391Ella on October 12, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Just me here.

    Going to take care of me by snuggly down now.

    Night night quiet Sirens. x



  392.  #392AmazingMe on October 12, 2011 at 4:16 pm

    BIG TEST IN MORNING!!!! GOD BLESS ME SIRENS AND YOU TOO!!!!! I CAN DO THIS BECAUSE I AM A FANTASTIC NURSE AND THIS IS WHAT I WAS BORN TO DO!!!



  393.  #393AmazingMe on October 12, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    Siesta Key one of the prettiest beaches in Florida after my test I am going to go there and write I passed in the sand! I love my inspiration!



  394.  #394Lucy on October 12, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Camille,

    I try to also look for what my feeling is underneath the thought that I am being misunderstood, and then express that:

    “I feel concerned because it seems I am being misunderstood.”

    “I feel sad because it seems like I have been misunderstood.”

    “I feel confused…”

    “I feel frustrated…”

    Whatever the genuine emotion is underneath my perception that I have been misunderstood – I share that. It connects us wonderfully.

    Also, sometimes it feels good to add: “I don’t know what to do” or “What do you think we can do about this?” and be Open to what he has to say in response and to the solutions he offers. (I especially like “I don’t know what to do.”) I learned these from Rori.

    This really gives the man the opportunity to hear your feelings without feeling defensive, and enables him to go into masculine energy mode to solve the problem/misunderstanding.

    <3
    Lucy



  395.  #395Daria on October 12, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Lucy – i really like that , thank u

    I usually use my tone and pauses to convey what im feeling along with misudnerstood

    and i kinda didn’t notice or think about sharing that i do that

    actually sharing in words how i feel aroudn feeling misunderstood – would work really well too to help me express too

    thank u



  396.  #396Daria on October 12, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    im feeling so excited, this flypaper tool is SO helping me, when it’s time for guys to say goodbye im not feeling all weirded out anymore, woo hoo it feels wonderful i am using the visual and it feels soft warm relaxing



  397.  #397Daria on October 12, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    I don’t know what to do…

    what do you think we can do about this?

    oh super LOVE the helpless cuteness omgosh i luv this and this surrender speech



  398.  #398Starla on October 12, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    Thank you Daria, I am going to use the flypaper tool for when they’re saying goodbye too. What a great idea!



  399.  #399Starla on October 12, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    CD1 gave me a shirt of his that has a great black metal band on it, and I wore it today, which got all sorts of hot metalheads talking to me. CD1’s gift to me is attracting even more CDs. I love him for this. He is the gift that keeps on giving hehehehe.



  400.  #400Esteemed on October 12, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I’m feeling totally good vibes my new job! I’m getting smiles from all my supervisors! Plus I feel confident about my document skills and I know I’m doing a good job! I feel so excited about moving into my new house! It’s so pretty inside!



  401.  #401Starla on October 12, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Yay esteemed, I hope you take pictures for me when you get it all unpacked:)



  402.  #402Esteemed on October 12, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Daria,
    It’s like, I knew already I wasn’t supposed to put handcuffs and shackles on my man.
    I’m feeling a big shift with the new flypaper tool too!

    Envisioning myself as an expansive warm beach has given me the strength almost better than anything to not contact R! I’m sure it’s also the accumulation of all the baby steps I’ve taken over the last 2 and a half years In learning rory’s tools. With a new tool I just feel a clarity that is beyond anything I’ve ever felt! I’m not a prison! I’m a beach! And I feel so excited about my new life!

    Thank you all for your love and support! I love each of you!



  403.  #403Esteemed on October 12, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Starla Starla Starla,

    Thank you! Yes, I’ll take pictures ! I am going to plan to get a moving truck not this weekend but next weekend! They said I can start dropping belongings off before november first! I figure it’s going to require a moving truck to move my 100 feet of fence, so I’ll just get a big 1 and move my storage out all at once too!

    Then after that I can stop by after work everyday and unpack! By the time november first comes, All I will have to do is drive my pets in and go to sleep! I feel so blessed and fortunate!



  404.  #404Starla on October 12, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Esteemed, you are doing amazing, and I can feel the shift in you even through the interwebs:)

    I’m feeling proud of you, girl!



  405.  #405LILI 41 on October 12, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    363:

    Ella, that’s so cute…”cereal” killer. lololololol πŸ˜€



  406.  #406Esteemed on October 12, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Starla,

    Awww! Thank you so much!



  407.  #407Lucy on October 12, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Daria, πŸ™‚ I’m glad you like that. “Helpless cuteness” is a great description! It really brings out a masculine helping response in my guy… and often the words “You are so adorable.” Hehe. The best part is, it’s *authentic.*

    I’m glad you mentioned tone and pauses… And another thing is that I allow my facial expression to match the emotion too… not in an overly dramatic way at all but in a very natural congruent way. I remember you writing about that, too – having your face match your feelings.

    <3
    Lucy



  408.  #408LILI 41 on October 12, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Hi 5 for the exam Starla!!! Good 4 U !



  409.  #409LILI 41 on October 12, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    Where is everybody? I got nothin left to read.

    OK, I guess I’ll go to bed on time now for once.

    Now the word “bed” reminds me of Mel πŸ™‚ lol

    …and “cereal” reminds me of Ella πŸ™‚ lol

    Goodnight sister Sirens xox



  410.  #410AmazingMe on October 12, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    OOps and yes Starla I hope I rock it out like you did great jon girl!!!..XOXO



  411.  #411Tiffany on October 12, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Sarah (#362) – Welcome!

    I’m not sure that I am the person to say anything. I have never been married, and I’m not sure that I would have handled your situation any better than you did. In fact, seems to me you did pretty well, just stating how you felt.

    The only thing I might have done differently (that is, if I were being my perfect, awesome, totally connected and goddess-like self in the moment), would have been to reply to my husband – after he asked me to take the dog out and *before* I got in the shower – “Gee, honey, I’d love to take [Sparky] out, but I’m running late for work. Do you think you could do it for me? That would be sooo helpful.”

    Heck, I felt good just thinking about saying it!

    Of course, there’s no guarantee I would have said that. But I do know that men just love to be helpful – and appreciated for it. There’s probably a lot going on in your relationship that we don’t know here. But if he’s a man (and I assume he is), chances are that, regardless of what he says, what he really wants is to help you and please you and give to you.

    What do you think?



  412.  #412Tiffany on October 12, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Rori’s flypaper has me thinking of another analogy that I’ve heard recently.

    And now I can’t remember who or where I heard it from. Probably it was another relationship expert. lol (If I think who it is, I will credit them:)

    But I love it.

    They were saying that being in positive energy is like being “teflon.” Nothing sticks to you. Not bad stuff. Not good stuff. Things roll and slide off you. People can come up next to you and they can move away. There is freedom.

    When you are in negative energy, you are more like “velcro.” You have these little hooks that grasp onto everything. You become STICKY (like the flypaper). People feel “stuck” when they are near you, and so they try to get away. Nobody likes that prickly feeling. plus, YOU tend to feel “stuck.”

    It’s a bit like that rhyme when we were kids, “I’m rubber, you’re glue – whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!.”

    The “rubber” person has positive energy that is immune to negative comments and feelings, but the person giving that energy becomes glue – to whatever they say, and to what other people say as well.

    food for thought. At least, that’s the food my brain’s been snacking on for today…tehee.

    well, g’night, ladies!



  413.  #413MovingMagic on October 12, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    Hi ladies, I was just reading Roris “fly-paper” analogy, and all of your wonderful responses/stories. It made me think of a yogic/philosophy article I read which spoke of “letting go”…not being so attached to situations and outcomes. It commented on looking out for the greater good in all situations, whatever it might be. I feel like it really tied in with Roris blog subject.

    Perhaps, if we are able to look at the bigger picture in a situation…staying open to the lessons that come our way, knowing that life hands us what we need so that we may grow, we’ll start to lose the tendency to be like “fly-paper”. I would prefer to be the bank of a clear spring. Flowing, refreshing, and life giving. Being constant, but with boundaries. Knowing my limits, so that others may know as well.

    What do you think?



  414.  #414Tiffany on October 12, 2011 at 10:20 pm

    MM, I think that sounds *Amazing.



  415.  #415Esteemed on October 12, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    E-how.com pays you to write self-help articles.



  416.  #416Esteemed on October 12, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    Who looks outside dreams;
    Who looks inside awakes.

    Carl Hung

    Rori’s blog and Rori’s tools are a place of coming awake. I feel such deep gratitude for all my profound awakenings.



  417.  #417Esteemed on October 12, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    Hung = Jung



  418.  #418Esteemed on October 13, 2011 at 12:00 am

    I’m finally starting to get it!

    I think this flypaper tool gave me a deeper understanding of a man’s outlook. Something clicked.



  419.  #419Esteemed on October 13, 2011 at 12:14 am

    The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up.by Paul Valery



  420.  #420Starla on October 13, 2011 at 1:02 am

    I had a really intense CD night with 2 different CDs bringing me the same gift as a congrats for finishing my exams, and men circling around me like crazy. I felt dizzy and sick from it and actually excused myself to go home.

    I’ll come back to tell you all about it tomorrow, but eeeesh this Rori stuff works too great. I’m beating them off with a stick at this point. And it’s bringing up sooo many triggers because these men are so generous and giving and I feel unworthy and like a bad girl to receive it all at once from all of them. Like I said, I excused myself and left.

    Goodnight!



  421.  #421Leo on October 13, 2011 at 1:03 am

    Hi Sirens!

    I was just sitting here in my room and scripting another scenario. And Rori said in her program how we will know what he will answer. Oh… and I sure do. Which brings me to a problem…

    The mother of his child (they never really were a “couple of love”, stayed together for the child for 2 years) really is a bad woman. She only attacked him, blamed him, told him what to do or not do, chriticized him 24/7. She even did so after they parted (of course still contact now for the child). Around the time we became a couple he was finally able to stand up to her for himself.
    But he still has this baggage on him. Meaning…

    When we get in discussions (or nowadays I state my feeling messages) he gets defensive immediately. Sometimes it just doesnt get into his head that I dont want to criticize, blame him or put pressure on him. Then I walk away till he calmed down.

    To become precise…
    Me telling him that I feel sad. I like sex and I miss it.
    First he becomes the fixer, when there is no easy way, he becomes the defender, defending himself.
    I tell him how I dont want to put pressure on him or the relationship. He answers “Well, me knowing how you feel of course puts pressure on me and us. How could it not”

    This pressure there shows me how he would rather have me be happy. And when he notices I am not, its immediately about him (not always, and he has gotten better, just sometimes) and he becomes defensive.

    Does any of you have a piece of advice what I could say to him, or do in those situations?

    “This doesnt feel good to me. I love you very much. I just feel sad and want to work something out together with you. I never wanted to attack you.”
    Thats what I usually said…

    Thanks Sirens!

    Love, Leo



  422.  #422Ella on October 13, 2011 at 4:02 am

    Amazing Me,

    Good Luck with your exam! I’m sure you’ll do well and do let us know!!

    Esteemed – Yay, what exciting stuff! I feel happy and excited to hear about these new positive things in you life.

    Lucy, thanks so much for your input! I love that.
    ‘I don’t know what to do, what do you think?’ It makes ME melt! Lol.

    xoxox



  423.  #423Ella on October 13, 2011 at 4:28 am

    Feeling really low mood today and achy in my pelvis and lower back.

    Last night I ate LOADS of food and was feeling really hungry. Got up in the night and ate 2 rounds of sandwiches.

    I wonder if I am due my period?

    I am going to treat it as a blessing if I am.



  424.  #424Daria on October 13, 2011 at 4:52 am

    Esteemed yayayayay! i can feel the shift in your vibes too!!!

    wooooo



  425.  #425Butterfly Wings on October 13, 2011 at 4:54 am

    I just want to cry. It seems I am NOT invited to the party (well, the hostess wanted me there, but TH doesn’t). So yeah that feels like a rejection and a half, and I expressed as much to him before walking out and coming home… πŸ™

    I don’t need this and I deserve a LOT better!

    I’ve already made tentative plans with a gf for Saturday night now, so hopefully that will happen and I’m not sitting at home wallowing in my misery while he’s at the party I was invited to but he didn’t want me at… Instead I’ll be out having a great time!

    I can’t believe I’ve been accepting this for so long. I KNOW so much better, and I’ve helped women get OUT of situations like mine! Why can’t I take my own advice and just run for the hills????? ARGH!!!!!!

    HELP! πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™



  426.  #426Daria on October 13, 2011 at 4:57 am

    Esteemed – can you give me a link or something of how to get to where they pay for self-esteem articles? I didn’t find it yet… that feels exciting to me…



  427.  #427Daria on October 13, 2011 at 5:02 am

    Butterfly Wings – awww πŸ™

    im circular dating, and it’s so much easier to run for the hills when i KNOW it’s what’s best…

    when theres only one guy the alternative woudl be like, huge loneliness to my imaginative brain. and ironically all the scenarios of how HE is going to feel alone crushed helpless without my love

    but circular dating well, i can take him back as many times as i need to to really get clear and get babystepping on what i’m healing and what his message is…

    and cuz theres other men, it also helps so much to see he’s not the only one to benefit from my love – its like that ‘help his wounded self’ drive gets soothed – somehow it gets more manageable



  428.  #428English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 5:41 am

    #325 SLV

    Thank you, I hope I am a good friend, well she is really going through it now as she is in a big panic over taxes to be paid. πŸ™

    It’s funny how when the vibe is bad as well as good, it seems to attract all kinds into our lives.

    p.s. Still not caught up on the blog due to friend above phoning me last night….sigh…..



  429.  #429English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 5:50 am

    #384 Ella

    Don’t know really just got a little tired and bored and am overwhelmed with other stuff in life like work, lack of money, home situation where I found mould in the bottom of the wardrobe all over my going out shoes and on some clothes, then I started searching and found it was everywhere, I phoned the landlord and he came out the next day and seems some tiles are missing over the bedroom window and need fixing, so I showed him my stuff and told him I read on the Internet the best cure is a de-humidifier, so good enough he brought one around and so far I have taken 7 (!!!) containers of water out and my lease is not over for about 3 weeks and I really can’t afford any more rent than I do now, and I just can’t be bothered with any of this CD stuff until I sort my life out…………



  430.  #430Daria on October 13, 2011 at 5:50 am

    u guys im getting a crystal put on my tooth tomorrow!

    wooo hoo i feel excited!!!!!

    omghosh

    super giddy



  431.  #431English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 5:51 am

    #417 Esteemed

    Hung? A Freudian slip perchance? πŸ˜‰



  432.  #432English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 5:52 am

    #430 Daria

    Don’t get a green one or it will look like spinach stuck in your teeth lol. πŸ˜€



  433.  #433English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 5:55 am

    I think it was Mick Jagger who had an emerald put onto his tooth and had it removed because people kept commenting on the spinach on said tooth………



  434.  #434English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 6:11 am

    MOVIE for Lili 41

    The Bridges of Madison County

    Out of Africa

    The Holiday

    πŸ™‚ sigh……



  435.  #435T-Girl on October 13, 2011 at 6:27 am

    I am so happy today – it has been 5 months now since I have been with my wonderful guy.



  436.  #436Femininewoman on October 13, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Congrats T-Girl



  437.  #437Femininewoman on October 13, 2011 at 6:46 am

    BW hugs. My sense is that he needs his freedom, even while in the relationship. Give it to him, open your hand and let him fly free. If he wants to he knows where the landing pad is and will fly back. I have come to accept that is what some guys need until they decide that they want to be caged. When they realize their lives are easier with both options available to them, then they move closer.



  438.  #438Femininewoman on October 13, 2011 at 6:51 am

    Leo that reminds me of how CCarter says men take things personally. Your not being happy translates in his mind that he is a loser. I would not keep telling him, just to try something else. I would go out a find something that helps me to be happy. It seems like talking about it is not changing things for the better.



  439.  #439Daria on October 13, 2011 at 6:56 am

    heyyy u know sfanta parascheva a saint i used to talk about awhile back that i felt inspired by and then it felt overwhelming and now it feels inspiring again

    is here in romania – well her bones are and people make pilgrimages there, actually right now its like really full apparently and you can barely get thru to see her coffin cuz so many ppl are there

    wow i didn’t know she was here so crazy how i felt inspired by her in particular she was talking to me i hear you girl1!!



  440.  #440Daria on October 13, 2011 at 6:58 am

    saint parascheva was born in a wealthy family and when she was like 6 she saw a poor family and gave them all her nice clothes

    and then her family said not to but she kept doing it

    and then she ran away to somewhere by jerusalem and then came back and (well died on a mountain but i bet she lived happy heheh) and apparently she’s Here on the mountain, i didn’t know she was here

    ha



  441.  #441Femininewoman on October 13, 2011 at 6:58 am

    MovingMagic I love your analogy.



  442.  #442Esteemed on October 13, 2011 at 6:59 am

    This is addressed to several of you below. And thank you all for your encouragement! I’m feeling good these days! And, yes, feelings are everything!

    MovingMagic – RE: #413 – Love the bank of a spring visualization. Yes, boundaries are needed!!!

    Daria – RE: #426 – The correct website address is http://www.ehow.com. I was half asleep and writing it with my android early this morning. I found a list of positions here: http://www.demandmedia.com/jobs/

    I heard about it on John Tesh Radio. Maybe his website would have more information. He specifically stated they will pay you for writing articles for their website. I see they have videos too! I want to try, too, once I get a little settled.

    English Woman – LOLOLOL! Yes, I chuckled after I saw “Carl Hung”! My android will automatically change words it doesn’t recognize. So I blame the Freudian slip on the android! Naughty Android! LOL! πŸ˜†



  443.  #443Esteemed on October 13, 2011 at 7:00 am

    This is addressed to several of you below. And thank you all for your encouragement! I’m feeling good these days! And, yes, feelings are everything!

    MovingMagic – RE: #413 – Love the bank of a spring visualization. Yes, boundaries are needed!!!

    Daria – RE: #426 – The correct website address is ehow dot com. I was half asleep and writing it with my android early this morning. I found a list of positions here: demandmedia dot com/jobs/

    I heard about it on John Tesh Radio. Maybe his website would have more information. He specifically stated they will pay you for writing articles for their website. I see they have videos too! I want to try, too, once I get a little settled.

    English Woman – LOLOLOL! Yes, I chuckled after I saw β€œCarl Hung”! My android will automatically change words it doesn’t recognize. So I blame the Freudian slip on the android! Naughty Android! LOL!



  444.  #444Femininewoman on October 13, 2011 at 7:02 am

    RE 394 Lucy Wonderfully put. I have an interview from Rori with Kaye Porter where Rori says she teaches women to say “I don’t know”. It seems like it is one of the hardest things for us women to say.



  445.  #445Butterfly Wings on October 13, 2011 at 7:06 am

    427: Daria – well I’m already “kind of” CDing and have two very willing men who would be more than happy to step in. BUT… I am soooooo not attracted to either of them! I enjoy chatting with them (which I do regularly) and I met up with one recently for a drink, but I don’t want to lead them into thinking there could be more with me because that would be unfair. They both know about TH and both keep asking if we’ve broken up yet! lol

    And of course I CD my gf’s all the time too, and am making extra effort to say yes, regardless of what I think TH might be doing at the time!

    He’s trying to justify why I’m not invited, saying that he wasn’t sure he was going and is still unsure if he is. I asked him not to invite me if he does go because I’d know he was only inviting me because I was upset. Hmmm…. :-\

    And I just said something really mean… Ick. Wish I hadn’t… but he took it ok actually. Probably because he knows what I said is right… Phew…!

    Ok going to finish this conversation with him and go to bed. Night sirens and thanks Daria for your insight! xxx



  446.  #446Butterfly Wings on October 13, 2011 at 7:20 am

    437: Femininewoman – that felt good to read. Thank you. πŸ™‚



  447.  #447Femininewoman on October 13, 2011 at 8:41 am

    BW he could experience this “I asked him not to invite me if he does go because I’d know he was only inviting me because I was upset” as him being unable to win with you. You tell him what you want, he does it and you are still not happy. I have seen Rori write about this kind of thing before.

    “Probably because he knows what I said is right… Phew…!” I would check in with myself to see if I have an unconscious commitment to be right rather than to be happy and make a conscious commitment to happiness.



  448.  #448Senior Lady Vibe on October 13, 2011 at 8:48 am

    @362: Sarah says:
    “…Which I said if the dog needed to go out I would, but I didn’t have time to force him out (the dog is 13 so it isn’t an easy task to let him out in the moring).
    My question is: should I have done things differently?..”

    Poor doggy. Does he have a newspapers or other “place to go” inside? So that he doesn’t have to wait until someone lets him out?

    xoxo



  449.  #449Senior Lady Vibe on October 13, 2011 at 9:09 am

    @417: Esteemed says:
    “..Hung = Jung…”

    Who knows… maybe he was. Probably was…

    πŸ˜€

    xoxo



  450.  #450Daria on October 13, 2011 at 9:14 am

    Bw – what i do is take myself out where there are men, especially my favorite dating sites…

    I usually have lots and lots of cds, i dont count them, but definitely more than two or three over a longer period of time. I have great feeling message profiles and pretty and sexy pictures so i get lots of men contacting me online. I also quickly move to give them my number and meeting – I get excited before every date for a chance to transform myself by practicing tools and celebrating every little success with the tools…like that i expressed myself in an uncomfortable situations, i tracked my body and kept my heart open, or i opened up and got curious

    If i only had 2 or 3 cds and i continued not feeling attracted i would definitely be using my boy to think up new ways to
    meet men! I want to feel attractive and satisfied… And i want my self-transformation my practice



  451.  #451Senior Lady Vibe on October 13, 2011 at 9:34 am

    @421: Leo says:
    “…Does any of you have a piece of advice what I could say to him, or do in those situations…”

    I would immediately eliminate from my thinking all stories about “the other woman” and my man’s resulting baggage and defectiveness as the cause of our current situation. That kind of thinking might taint the way I communicated with him.

    And I say he would be under a lot of pressure if he then had the idea that he’s not satisfying me romantically. So I wouldn’t pressure him.

    Your man is a couple of decades older than you; take that into consideration. Sometimes men are very well rested and easily affectionate first thing in the morning. If he likes coffee, I’d start buying some exotic coffee blends and brewing them in the morning.
    πŸ˜‰

    xoxo



  452.  #452Lucy on October 13, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Leo – my guy and I had to work through that kind of thing re: defensiveness too. He would often automatically assume I was blaming him (when I was only expressing my feelings) bc he was so used to his ex doing that. I felt compassion and was patient about it. When he finally realized that I truly *wasn’t* doing what he was so used to, he was and has continued to be filled with amazement and joy and gratitude. πŸ™‚ Keys: 1. make sure there is no blame even in your heart/mind. 2. use feeling msgs and no “you.”



  453.  #453Susan on October 13, 2011 at 11:08 am

    re: 425: Butterfly Wings:

    Aw… I just want to hug you.

    Just so I understand… the hostess wants you there but he doesn’t? And he knows you have been notified about the party and have been in contact with the hostess?

    If this is true, he sees you as someone he casually dates. And he is taking someone else to the party. Seems kinda cruel to me, being you know about the party and the hostess has been welcoming to you.

    I think that would be more than I could handle. I would let a man go over that. If you find a way to handle it, you are a better woman than I am.



  454.  #454GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    #451 Lucy I just posted a comment to this but it appears to have disappeared…

    …it feels good to read about a man actually changing and seeing that what he thought was fact was not, and feeling the truth of it. I don’t tend to experience this w men much. I’m very happy for you both!

    I am feeling rough here again… missing old connection w NSM… he has been difficult again last night, and in front of people… how can someone spund so insulting/disrespectful and yet be truly not able to get that that’s how they sound?

    Oh, well… as usual, just to say something on here about where I’m at leaves me feeling miles and miles better… Siren sisters, I thank you.



  455.  #455GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    #450 SLV Such good advice… and one thing I’m struggling with here as I am in a situation to have ongoing contact & interelatedness w NSM is that, as w last night, when he starts going on and on and on about things that make him uncomfortable concerning me, leaving NO outs, actual sharing, room for humanity etc, I finally get triggered and overloaded and start giving him smart/sarcastic comments… it’s like all that on and on and on (30… 45 mins… an hour or more… of him holding court and delineating what doesn’t work about me, my character, who I am, what I do, how I do it and why… my parents used to do the same thing… I’m reliving this pattern!)… causes me to LOSE my cool and lean forward in defensiveness… I want to be so good at this leaning back that I can do it even in the most difficult of times.



  456.  #456GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    #438 FW “Leo that reminds me of how CCarter says men take things personally. Your not being happy translates in his mind that he is a loser. I would not keep telling him, just to try something else. I would go out a find something that helps me to be happy. It seems like talking about it is not changing things for the better.”

    This is much of what’s happening/ed w NSM, as my life is still not on track financially etc, and he feels that his care, love and efforts have not helped but only hurt. Instead of just accepting me as we both struggle… together… steadily… in support…

    I know, I know… I get it. And I learned too little too late about leaning back… and he’s toxic… I know.

    Such good advice. So true.

    Y’all, my living situation (and my office) may not be stable anymore… I am going to be moving to another building on a different street in 2 weeks, as NSM wants me to do and for practical/financial/construction purposes too. If anyone prays, I will appreciate any and all prayers. I need my own stable comfortable suitable place(s) to live & work… so I can grow my practice more without stress in the way, and have all the time and room I need to comfortably absorb and practice the Tools, and continue shifting my vibe etc, and making a new good life for myself.

    Oh, and today (after talking w my beloved ex #1 a lot about all that’s happening here… so great to have someone I can share honesty back & forth with, a new experience, not on my own anymore all the time), I walked to the store and saw the headlines about Demi & Ashton (!) Felt very very bad for her… but also felt that if she can go thru all that, with kids, and a long, close marriage, and in front of everyone in the world with all the feelings of loss she surely has, I can get thru this… and actually my situation is not as bad (except opposite financially).

    This blog helps so much… to see/hear & connect with classy, sassy women with depth and taste and heart, triumphing and getting thru challenges while being real…

    …I’m letting me feel my feelings (instead of hiding from them or switching them in an unhealthy way)… as well as seeing better things ahead in faith… and keeping my frequency good without being inauthentic… it’s very strengthening.



  457.  #457Butterfly wings on October 13, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Aww thanks Susan. I don’t think he knew I was invited and if he goes at all, it will be alone. I know he has nobody in his life apart from me. But at the same time I also know he has feelings for somebody else. Sadly for him she is married and as I pointed out (again – I wasn’t very nice about it either) last night, if she really wanted to be with him then she would be.

    I sent him an apology this morning. I felt really bad for being so horrible and he did react well considering. He emailed me back this morning with a link to a YouTube video about the new iPhone upgrade because he knew I upgraded my phone last night. No acknowledgement of my apology but I think it was his way of reaching out.

    Daria, after what happened earlier this year (met a really dodgy guy who somehow got a job in my area and now it’s really uncomfortable!), I’m staying well away from dating sites. But I do go out partying with the girls to places where there are lots of men. And I have no trouble meeting men either!

    TH knows I’ve made alternative plans now, and I know it worries him because he knows how much attention I get when I’m out. I feel powerful when I think of that! πŸ˜‰

    Time will tell how this drama unfolds I suppose…!



  458.  #458Butterfly wings on October 13, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    446 FW: I can see I’m very much doing things all wrong here with him. And as part of trying to maintain control I keep suggesting ways to end things and leaving the door wide open for that.

    I really just don’t handle uncertainty well at all and need to work on that.



  459.  #459GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    #429 EW I feel you…

    About the mold (mould πŸ™‚ I use Tea Tree Oil (essential oil) on my shoes and everything possible to stop it… an fine atomizer/mister spray bottle with about 8 – 10 oz of water, about 60+ drops of oil (yes, you’ll want to count them most likely, it’s meditative lol), and a small drop of washing up liquid.

    Spray shoes, and everything… I’ve never had it damage anything (not even silk… though use at your own risk and discretion… and besides, it couldn’t be worse than the moud, right?).

    You can also spray it in the air in your home, and/or buy an essential oil diffuser of some sort… to make the Tea Tree less hard to deal with, as it’s a sharp smell, I mix with 20 drops lavender and a drop or two of geranium or ylang ylang oil. Then it smells quite nice according to most people (I used to sell this stuff).

    Hope it helps!



  460.  #460GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    EW I mean to say, about 30 drops of Tea Tree, not 60 drops.



  461.  #461GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    #183 Daria LOL! U go!

    Are you now staying in the garage situation? I care, and am interested, and sending all best and highest energy to you!



  462.  #462GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    #382 Camille The way I’ve been successful with this moment (when I’m catching myself and not too triggered or careless and leaning forward etc) is to first be *sure* I’m nto holding any judgment toward him over it (regardless how good-natured I may see my judgment as being)…

    And then to say something like “Oh… it doesn’t feel like I said that very well… ” or “Oh… it feels bad how I said that… would you mind if I try again?”

    #387 Daria Very good advice.



  463.  #463GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    #427 Daria Yeesss! The loneliness and helping him drive, the crazy imagination-engagement… I get this, exactly like me… I’m at least CDing w 2 trusted & beloved exesas well as life in general and dating myself more and more (*very* healing)… no one else I know to CD with in small town, and POF etc offer *nothing* of interest in my area…

    Does anyone have knowledge of dating sites for people into psychology, who are serious writers, like more cerebral-minded and “sensitive” types? All (literally all) the men on POF anywhere near my area are a) all about being “just a regular guy looking for a nice lady, love my fishing, and my boat/motorcycle etc”… NOT my crowd. AND they are OLD looking/sounding/acting even though they’re my age or younger.

    Are there any free sites specifically targeted towards interest areas, education level, etc? Spending so much time going thru all these hundreds of “matches” on various sites is making me feel empty, hopeless, and taking a ton of my precious time, and I’m seeing all these men’s faces & profiles in my dreams… not feeling good *at all*.



  464.  #464GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    I’m from a largely blue collar family, but I’m a nerdy sensitive type… where are the men who fit my vibe??? (Certainly not in my geographical area, that seems clear so far. Not able or interested in moving… family ties… etc) What has been your process on this kind of issue, Sirens?



  465.  #465Daria on October 13, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    GingerSky –

    I would start dating some of those ‘not my type’ men. I need practice, not to find a match.

    I find that my attraction opens up A LOT everytime i get brave enough and take a risk to spend time with a man that’s not my type – usually for me it hasn’t been attraction for the actual guy I go on the date with, but after that I’m more open to guys with similar qualities



  466.  #466Daria on October 13, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    GingerSky – I am in Romania still with family. I am going to California on tuesday. To my parent’s house.

    Going to be open to see where to go from there… might just launch into staying with men that are welcoming me, and seeing where the horse next takes me



  467.  #467Daria on October 13, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    Butterfly Wings – meeting 1 dodgy guy (or 5) is not a “helpful to what you want – to meet men” reason to stay away from an entire dating site with millions of men

    can you see how you’re working against yourself here?

    don’t limit yourself – let yourself expand! give embraces to those parts of you from your subconscious that come up to try to keep you back in your old patterns, and holding the status quo



  468.  #468Sweetpea on October 13, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    Hi Gingersky,

    As far as CDing goes, somewhere Rori said (and I can’t find it now) something to the affect that it’s not in executing the tools perfectly that they shift us, it’s simply in doing the best we can with them where we’re at – i.e. Baby-steps. Don’t. Know why I felt compelled to add that. The point is, when I first started CDing, the guys I had absolutely no interest, no chemistry, no attraction, nada to any of them. But I went out with them anyway – anyone who asked and practiced the tools. Most of them I never even saw more than once, but the longer I made myself do it (and it did feel like a chore sometimes) the more I saw the quality of men improve. Now, more and more, I’m being approached by guys who I’m really interested in – and that involves other complications. But that’s a subject for another post…



  469.  #469Daria on October 13, 2011 at 5:49 pm

    Gosh BW – it feels bad to read about ‘drama’ and talking about how things will affect this man, rather than how it will affect YOU

    this feels bummering!

    i feel guilty and uncomfortable to write this cuz i’m judging myself for ‘being judgmental’ and ‘all out of my business’

    and i want to practice expressing myself

    even if “this is a sucky way to express myself and will likely trigger others’

    i say yay to me for babysteps

    i need these

    thank you Daria

    i actually know all this resistance I’m seeing is part of healing

    babysteps babysteps

    for everyone

    it’s easier to ‘see’ it here,

    and it feels challenging when things seem ‘so important, so life or death’

    sigh

    im all twisted up and hot in my guts and my arms

    i love my feelings

    thank u daria for paying attention to ME



  470.  #470Daria on October 13, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    GingerSKy – it IS possible to leave the room/ hang up the phone as soon as you notice the conversation feels bad

    even if it seems ‘dramatic’ its SO worth it for the relationship and for self esteem

    that’s what i will be practicing in lieu of going to defense

    i feel tahnkful for myself for noticing even when i go to defense

    babysteps

    sigh



  471.  #471GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Thanks Daria… I will meditate on that… I’ve dated hundreds of men in my life already in the past… honed my radar and know who vibes w me and who doesn’t, plus most men are not at all interested in my type of woman, and that’s fine, I don’t judge or worry about that.

    I can’t even keep up a conversation for 2 minutes with most men I meet, nor would either of us want to.

    Maybe I’ll have to use e-Harmony when/if I have the income…

    So, I’m babystepping my way thru this… and thinking about it with my boy energy… I want to do this, just can’t see how, and my way of getting colser to doing what you say is to talk out my objections here and then I’ll feel better to do it. I do definitely need the practice, of course.

    I tried opening up my geographic area, but found almost all of the men only want to connect with women near their area. I will figure this out, and your advice is helping…

    Glad to know your plans… and hope California will wrap you up in it’s sunshiney arms! Even if it’s winter.



  472.  #472GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    #467 Sweetpea Thank you, hearing how it is on the ground feels very… well… grounding! And more. Feels good.



  473.  #473GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    #468 Daria Aahh… reading that unfolded some knotted areas in my guts. Now my arms are cold and shaking… now it’s going, and warm returns. Guts looser.



  474.  #474Daria on October 13, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    i like dating sites having heard Rori talk about it taking some of our decision making out (we don’t have much to do with WHO approaches us – no preselecting ) and so our old patterns are pushing less men away

    tho i wonder if in my case since there’s hundreds of guys who write me and i choose only a few to respond to, well am i canceling that out?

    i hope not!

    i do try to be more open than just writing the ones i would find instantly attractive

    **

    heat and tightness

    im noticing tightness in my throat often, and on my tongue

    i wonder if that’s ‘throat chakra’ stuff if so i haven’t really ‘got’ it or been aware of it so isolatedly till now

    kinda cool



  475.  #475Sweetpea on October 13, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Daria,

    Lol! I like this: “that feels bummering.”

    Gingersky,

    Even just taking the step of responding to guys in feeling messages helped me progress, I believe. In fact, I still kind of like the ones I’m not all attracted to because it makes it easier for me to respond “gut level.”



  476.  #476GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    #473 Daria That is enlightening… and also conversely explains why my pattern is different perhaps? (I don’t wanna be different, believe me… it’s lonely… just have to deal with what is. I have an odd mix of personality traits or something. BUT I need to take this advice, and to figure out how, using my boy energy to serve my girl… how to do this.)

    I don’t push men away *at all*… I am and have always been too wide open, unable to block anyone out… ever. It’s just not in me to do it it seems, in spite of trying. I got the reputation of “easy” when I was still a virgin in my teens, and not involved with anyone, just bc I was always soo friendly with men… all men.

    It feels like I’m not at all taking care of me to continue being this way. I’ve dated *tons*, paid hard dues, logged in lots and lots of time, and learned that the more I be my true self, the more people will be drawn to me who fit with me… but not many people fit with me…. and that’s the truth.

    BUT I get what you say in all your good points shared about engaging all men in order to break our patterns, and to practice (did some of that w the Venus & Mars work several years ago online dating, and it really did majorly break lots of patterns and teach me a whole new way of talking etc)… and what Sweetpea says about how the vibe changes after you get going.

    So thank you ladies. I’ll see what develops.



  477.  #477Sweetpea on October 13, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    Gingersky,

    I hope you find a solution that works for you whatever it is.

    This is a bit off subject, but I know you are knowledgable about herbs and such. I caught a whiff of rose a bit ago and immediately thought, “I need to burn rose incense.” Do you know what the significance of rose is?

    If not that’s ok. Funny thing is, I lit three sticks in my tiny little bedroom and now it’s so smoky in here I keep having to check to make sure I didn’t catch anything on fire. Lol!

    Daria – do you know what rose signifies by chance?



  478.  #478Sweetpea on October 13, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    …And then there were none. πŸ™



  479.  #479Butterfly wings on October 13, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    Daria don’t feel concerned about voicing your view. I may not agree with you every time but you do get me thinking about things in a different way. And that’s a good thing because we’re all learning and it’s up to us to decide if we want to act on that advice or not.

    Now, as far as the dating sites go, I really don’t like them. I’m not saying they’re bad – they’re just not for me. I am also very private and don’t want my colleagues or family knowing I’m even on a dating site. And not only that, I have no trouble meeting men in a social situation anyway so don’t really need to go on one of these sites.

    I told a gf where I’m going this weekend and she said “omg they’ll be hanging off you there!”. So I know I’ll be fine.

    I’ve tried the dating sites and had the dodgy episode of course but also I was inundated with men contacting me. It was just too much! I am too busy to juggle 10 guys at a time. I’d rather just focus on three or four max. And that’s kind of what I’ve been doing without it being “proper” dates but rather catching up after work for a drink or meeting for coffee on a Sunday. And in between times we chat.

    Also too, TH and I get together almost every single night – he instigates each time – and he nearly always comes to me. We’ve had one day where we didn’t see each other in the last few weeks!

    And that’s where some of my confusion comes from. He initiates spending time with me nearly every single day. So he MUST like spending time with me at least! He’s often turned down a night out with his friends to stay home with me too… Argh. Confusing man!



  480.  #480GingerSky on October 13, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    #478 BW Agreed on what you said to Daria. I ditto that for sure |smiles… hugs to Daria|

    Well, I found some seemingly great dating sites for special interests (green living, intentional community, and much more I think/hope) . And one I esp have fallen in love with, OKCupid.com. Has special interest areas within it as well! Wow… it’s kinda like what I always wanted to design as a dating site, only much cooler in some ways. It’s great, been on it a lot answering endless yet enjoyable Qs, and you have the option for commenting on each and every Q – PERFECT for me.

    What I’ve dreamed of… at last. *Thanks* a ton for your encouragement/pushing (like pushing a little scared and grumpy bird out of her nest so she might fly more), Daria and Sweetpea, everyone… Can I just marry this dating site? (It is attractive, a good listener, asks all the right Qs… feels very good to interact with… |winks|

    Aaah… there really *is* something, somewhere (and someone?) for everyone. This feels so good, and I never would’ve looked for it if you two hadn’t pushed a bit. I used to be too adventurous. It feels good to be more to the center now… to be pleasantly pushed instead of always leaning so far forward and pushing everybody around me all the time. This felt good, though I seriously need rest, and didn’t get much work done, and neck hurts, lol.

    At my Siren Retreat (Lili41) when I get funding for creating it, we will have free shoulder masssages for online daters and bloggers, lol!

    And now NSM emailed me earlier about how he’s missing me (though I know he wants to stay broken up and is just processing his feelings… yeah, we’re good together… it’s a seriously good connection isn’t it, boy? In spite of any problems… though yes the conflicts are hard. In my book (and on my family’s coat of arms, love prevails. But it’t too hard for him, and he winds up being abusive/toxic to people… which feels bad.)

    It felt good to hear, though, and lifted my doldrums of rejection-feelings, lol.

    Reminds me of a scene from a favorite movie… Roberto Begnini’s Johnny Stechinno, where he’s looking into the window glass, and you can see his reflection, dismally staring out at the rain… she’s gone… and then she calls… and his face immediately turns to a huge huge smile!

    I told him I missed him too… felt heavy etc all day, wanting to share autumn trees and laughs and more with him… but trying to get over it. And that I hoped he was doing well on that front as well (like “I hear you, thanks for sharing”… perfect…?)

    We are so connected in this world… and so easily turned around by another’s goodwill or lack of it… at least until we get to be stronger Sirens!

    Anyway, I *highly* recommend that dating site. Has anybody tried it? I saw a friend on there too… he had a serious crush on me years ago, though I was not interested. I’ll probably get hold of him on there and maybe he can let me practice on him… ran into him recently after many years. A small world here.

    Please tell me what you think of OKCupid… for good or bad. I’m interested.

    xox everyone… hugs to all in Siren land.

    (Daria, Romania seems fascinating to me… very gritty and beautiful, ethereal yet passionate perhaps… I know a bit about it, esp as far as modern times… am I making all this up? Do these words fit Romania to you? If you even wanna talk about it here at all. xo )



  481.  #481English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 10:57 pm

    #458/459 Ginger Sky

    Oh thank you for that about the tea tree oil, I didn’t know that! I will look for some this weekend, not as easy to get here as it was in Australia where you can get it at every supermarket!!



  482.  #482English Woman on October 13, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    Oh and ylang ylang is one of my most favourite oils!! I mix it with patchouli and orange for my own little burner blend, yummy!! πŸ™‚



  483.  #483Sweetpea on October 14, 2011 at 7:03 am

    GingerSky,

    I really like OKCupid! I’ve talked about it on here before – I refer to it as OKC. The questions are fun, the tests even more fun IMO. But I’ve always liked personality quizzes.

    Just out of curiosity, do you have a response to #476? I feel really interested to unersand my sudden compulsion for and attraction to burning rose incense.



  484.  #484tinque on October 14, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Sweetpea – Rose is all about the heart.

    xxoo

    An exerpt from my book:

    Rose

    This warm, soft, soothing very womanly, goddess like fragrance and oil is an amazingly POWERFUL HEART OPENER and SOUL SOOTHER as well as an APHRODISIAC. It helps to build and restore trust, and it helps to support you when facing emotional traumas, such as grief, resulting anger, sadness of any sort, and depression.
    Rose is excellent for soothing and softening dry skin, regenerating an aging skin.
    It’s expensive in its pure form, yet I prefer it this way. It’s best if not essential to dilute it, not only to make a little go much farther, this also brings out the rose’s incredible aroma so much more.
    I dilute it around ten to one in rosehip oil which does have a nutty smell, yet it seems to work very well anyway. Coconut oil is a good one to use as is jojoba. Any good quality, organic carrier oil works well as long as it does not have an odor that will override the rose. Rose oil can also be purchased in pre-diluted form.
    There are numerous varieties of rose oils available. Again trust your nose and your intuition to guide you to the right one for you. If buying online, read the descriptions carefully, and go to where you are led.
    Apply a drop or two on your heart and/or your heart chakra area once or twice a day or more. Massage in circular motions gently. Inhale deeply its beautifully calming fragrance. Seal the residue on your fingers by applying hand cream over it.



  485.  #485elle_emm on October 14, 2011 at 11:03 am

    this is totally brilliant! this is exactly how i feel…like flypaper.



  486.  #486GingerSky on October 14, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    #476 Sweetpea I didnt see your question till today. Wrote a long reply, but my omputer hung up & it never sent/posted. Will keep trying to post it, or will try & recreate it later I agree w Tinque, and I added some other hopefully useful info too. Check again later O see if it posted.



  487.  #487GingerSky on October 14, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    (This was from my phone)



  488.  #488confusion on October 14, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Hi everyone I was wondering if anyone knows details about having a phone consultation with Rori- I cant find any of that info on the page thanks



  489.  #489Patty on October 16, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Hi All! I just found this website today and I am really excited!! Finally some explanations as to why I am always at the loosing end of a relationship….stranglehold??? That would be me! No more…I have actually gotten quite a bit better than I once was but I still have a long way to go. Is it neccesary to buy the book or can I get just as much from the blogs, etc?? Excited to be here!!



  490.  #490Patty on October 16, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Gingersky, Can I ask where you find all those men? Maybe I am looking in the wrong places!!



  491.  #491Esteemed on October 17, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Patty,

    Welcome! Most of us write on the newest thread… https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/. It will be the one at the top, and a new one just went up this morning! There is an abundance of growth tools in this blog. I am beginning to think it will take a lifetime to digest it all!

    However, it will be far more meaningful to you if you have the structural framework of Rori’s book and seminars on which to hang all the information and tools! I highly recommend “Commitment Blueprint”, especially.



  492.  #492Esteemed on October 17, 2011 at 8:25 am

    Patty,

    P.S. I’ve been on the blog for 2.5 years, and I only come to love it more!



  493.  #493TinaB on October 23, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Hi Rory. I need help! I had been with my boyfriend for two years. Suddenly he broke up with me. We’ve been through break ups before. I just need to get him back! I love him..