Are You High Strung? So?

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attentionHere’s the definition of “high strung”:

Adj. 1. high-strung – being in a tense state
jumpy, nervy, overstrung, restive, uptight, edgy, highly strung, jittery, tense – in or of a state of physical or nervous tension

To me, this was the worst.

I did NOT want to be this “tense, jumpy, uptight woman I thought I was.”

And then….something interesting occurred.

I ADORE the author Richard Bach. His Jonathan Livingston Seagull” is my “bible,” has been for more than 30 years, and I’ve read everything else he’s ever written – Illusions, One, The Bridge Across Forever, the ferret books and the airplane books….

And – what I wanted for myself was the marriage he talks about in One and Bridge Across Forever…the real marriage he had with Leslie Parrish, that he described in his books from the beginning to their soaring, incredibly powerful and intimate moments together – the depths in which they worked together and lived and loved together.

And then they got divorced.

I was broken-hearted. Shocked. As though the framework for my entire personal and spiritual life had cracked.

And, though neither of them said much about it at all, it destroyed his fame, made him suspect among his fans like me, and brought up real stuff.

Like – the descriptions I found of Leslie as “high strung.”

Now – I NEVER, from the books, would have described her that way. She seems forthright, firm, strong, emotionally deep, expressive and responsive.

And – it occurred to me – no matter what Richard thought, or anyone else thought about anything – if Leslie could wear the title “high strung” out in public, even if it wasn’t “true” (whatever that is where a judgment and label is concerned) – so could I.

So – I accepted myself as “high strung” too.

And then I went about breathing into myself, loving myself, forgiving myself – and the tension started to melt.

Once I noticed it, where it was, and how it could be seen and felt as my “vibe” – I didn’t “judge” it, the way I once would have, or got defensive about it, or decide it didn’t exist, or was or wasn’t true – I just loved the part of me that surely WAS tense, perhaps high-strung, and let her be.

Just let her be.

I proudly would have put the name tag on myself of “high-strung” if that’s what someone handed me.

So – now I wear a hundred nametags.

Whatever I once accused myself of and tried to “fix” – I now just “wear.”

And I do what I always do, I breathe and forgive myself for even THINKING there could be something “wrong” or “bad” in whatever nametag I “think” (or someone ELSE thinks) I “wear.”

I love my nametags, and I love YOUR nametags – and if you’d like to FEEL more relaxed, less tense – the way to do that is to notice, breathe, forgive, and move from judgment to curiosity.

Channel that energy that goes into punishing yourself and use it to uplift yourself.

As you uplift yourself, you uplift everyone and everything around you, and love flows in.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 7:30 am

    high strung – no

  2.  #2Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Gotta go back and read that book. I read it during my high school years.

  3.  #3Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:33 am

    Whoo, a new post! I never get in this early! 🙂

  4.  #4Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:39 am

    A comment about Abraham from the previous thread really spoke to me, and I think it’s relevant here:

    “Nothing needs to be fixed. Everything is unfolding perfectly.”


  5.  #5Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Haha! Very apt!

    Highly strung – YES definitely!!

    YES I should / could just wear it well!

    I think I am going to try this…

    This article resonates with me…

    Thank you Rori

  6.  #6Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 7:50 am

    …I think my feelings of being highly strung come from my fear of missing out, so I want to try EVERYTHING and I get all panicky and lots of knots in my tummy ALL the time…

    I feel very stressed…


  7.  #7siren song on January 24, 2012 at 7:52 am

    yep, i am high strung!

  8.  #8Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:53 am

    This week, in my CoDA group, we were talking about “caretaking” – about that thing where you pay more attention to someone else’s feelings than your own. And you “take care” of them to try and “fix” their stuff. But really you are just trying to manage yourself – through them.

    Well, I am struggling with that with Jc right now.

    Because I expressed some feelings, or at least I thought I did, and he swept them aside. And he’s done it before. Not in a mean way. Just dismissive. And then he went on to tell me how HE was feeling. And I *wanted* to know how he felt. I knew that was lurking in the background. It felt good to know. But still I thought, “why am I now paying attention to *his* feelings when mine are so strong, and I really wanted some attention on them?” (I gave myself attention, of course, but still…)

    And I had to keep telling myself, “don’t fix. There is nothing to fix…”

    But I still need to say *something.* I feel a need to take a stand for myself.

    So I’m composing an email. And I am hoping that it is not too blamey. Funny, I find the line between FMs and blameys to be very thin, in places. Because if I felt such-and-such when he did or said x and y, how can I not mention that? Argh. I don’t want to make him wrong….but I don’t want to make him 100% right, either.

    Also, there’s been a yellow flag with him. He’s mentioned in the past that some women were “dishonest” with him, or that they were “lunatics.” It’s always bothered me when he says these things, and I’ve tried to discourage it. When he says it, it’s always with the sense of “that’s them, not you.” But I know guys, and I know if I guy thinks that about other women, then it can turn on a dime, and any woman can fill that space. Which is exactly *why* I haven’t become too attached to him….

    Funny, though. When he said that about the “lunatics,” I said, “Yes, and I am a total lunatic. I like to think it works in my favor…”

    To which he replied, “Lunacy is cute on you.” 🙂

    Which is great. But things were all good then. Now he is out of sorts. And look how much real estate on the blog I am giving to a guy I’ve never met!

    I am so amazed that so much has come out of a simple email exchange, and a message that he sent me, on a whim. I can’t believe the levels of intimacy that we’ve shared, and maybe it’s just a lot. Maybe I am getting stressed by this, too. And I don’t want to be.

    I want it to be free and easy and fun. I want to waterwheel him – have the goodness coming back to me and pouring all over me…I don’t need to keep giving him my good stuff when he’s not giving me much back in return. urgh.


  9.  #9Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:57 am

    yes, and I can affirm that I am high-strung, too. Only i am sneaky high-strung. I have a war inside myself sometimes between the super-cool, relaxed, chill, always-together me, and the nervous, anxious, anything-could-go-wrong-any-minute-and-it-has worrier. Could I change that “worrier” to “warrior”? Like Xena, Warrior Princess? Hm….:)

  10.  #10lk on January 24, 2012 at 8:08 am

    @Tiffany 8

    I don’t want to date “Boys” lol : )

  11.  #11Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 8:30 am

    I am having a weird day. It feels like no one (none of my CDs) is responding to me. I feel ignored. Invisible. Unimportant…

    I don’t like this.

  12.  #12Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 8:33 am

    @lk – yeah, me neither!

  13.  #13Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 8:37 am

    Tiffany this totally resonates with me, and I feel like I find myself in these sorts of situations a lot..

    “Because I expressed some feelings, or at least I thought I did, and he swept them aside. And he’s done it before. Not in a mean way. Just dismissive. And then he went on to tell me how HE was feeling. And I *wanted* to know how he felt. I knew that was lurking in the background. It felt good to know. But still I thought, “why am I now paying attention to *his* feelings when mine are so strong, and I really wanted some attention on them?” (I gave myself attention, of course, but still…)”

    How do you feel about this?

  14.  #14Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Also, are you sure he hasn’t swept aside your feelings in a mean way?

  15.  #15Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Feel free to tell me to mind my own business! 🙂

  16.  #16Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 8:52 am


    RE: #8-9 – I really relate to what you say. I am always trying to find the right balance with Ryan. His thing is so deep, and I find it fulfilling to deal with because spiritual encouragement helps him, and spiritual things are my favorite topic.

    Yet my big issues are depression and loneliness, and just because of the area of relationships being so closely tied in, I guess it’s not appropriate to address with him. Because my loneliness is intense and needy. I want to accuse him, “You’re starving me for attention! Of course I feel needy and lonely!” Yet I know that is not his job. And I have to deal with myself. And that if I discuss my issues everything goes haywire with him.

    So I guess for me, saying, “I feel lonely” is not cool. Even tho it’s my gut level, bottom line truth. And not being able to say that leaves me feeling lonelier still.

    I love what you said about changing from a worrier to a warrior! Did you make that up?

  17.  #17Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Anyway, yesterday and today my loneliness is raging, and I am lonely for Ryan, not just human company.I feel stuck. I feel stuck. I feel stuck. I feel stuck.

  18.  #18lk on January 24, 2012 at 9:06 am


    Hm… when i have the feeling of “waiting” for a man… or being Lonely For Him…. i sometimes do a Count-Down on a calendar where i put a date down for 90 days away & then mark the days…. so it feels very Sacred & Special. & i promise myself that if i get to that day, & still feel like he is Special & Necessary to me, then i will contact him & tell him all my feelings.

    in the in-between, i focus on meeting new people & being my best self & accomplishing my goals.

    but i’ve never once reached the day & still wanted to do anything about it : )

  19.  #19lk on January 24, 2012 at 9:08 am

    & until i get to The Day, i promise myself No Contact & i tell the man i can’t be with him 1-on-1 & i minimize incidental contact (like prayer meetings, etc.) & just smile & don’t allow “intimate” conversation beyond what i would engage in with a casual friend

  20.  #20Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 9:10 am


    I will use the calendar idea, but you are a stronger woman than me. I’d be doing good to cover three days right now.

  21.  #21Spiral on January 24, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I lamented to my sister once that I felt like I was a “crazy woman”. She replied, “Yeah, but it works for you. Own it!” LOL

    Also, recently a guy told me I was “difficult”. I said, “Yes, I am. I’m not going to make it easy on you. You’ve got to earn me, honey.” 🙂

  22.  #22Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Spiral says ““Yes, I am. I’m not going to make it easy on you. You’ve got to earn me, honey.”

    I am wondering how I would respond (just for practice) “thank you but I think of myself as picky because I know what I want. Muah”

  23.  #23Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 9:18 am

    This is going to sound like a judgement, but in my experience *men* are very selfish.

    My ex-boyfriend was. He would talk and talk about himself like I barely existed. Even when I stood up for myself he just looked shocked – like he couldn’t believe he was doing anything wrong.

    He would constantly berate me for NOT listening to him.

    However, I did *notice* that he was like this with his friends as well. So I figured it was just a pattern with him.

    To this day I DON’T think it was malicious – BUT it wasn’t RIGHT for me.

  24.  #24Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 9:20 am

    I am so highly strung. I can’t concentrate on anything…

    I feel I have Attention Deficit Disorder… I DRIVE myself crazy…

    I can NEVER stick to doing ONE thing at a time!

  25.  #25Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Cat Blue with guys like that I now say “I feel like a talking pole. Sometimes I can’t even get a word in edgewise”.

    Sometimes I might put my hand up and ask “can I say something please”. This tend to get the guy’s attention.

  26.  #26Iamabutterfly on January 24, 2012 at 9:23 am

    That was beautiful, Rori. I feel moved. I can defintely feel “high strung” at times, and that’s okay!

  27.  #27Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Hi Feminewoman, thank you for your advice.

    I did try that, and he acknowledged that he would *try* harder to pay more attention to me, but it just wasn’t there.

    In the end I realised how hard he was *trying* – you would see the expression in his face crunch up as he tried very hard to listen to me.

    BUT I realised the issue was with me. He was offering me the best he could BE but the problem was I wanted MORE. So I moved on..

  28.  #28April Rose on January 24, 2012 at 9:29 am

    A case of “what you resist, persists”?

    So, yeah, call me highly strung, demanding, fantastic, beautiful, ugly, sly, witty…anything at all.

    The great ‘I AM’ is all those things. It’s fantastic for being an actress…fluidly wearing each thing… none of them sticking.

    Like the rose petal soft sand fairy dust shores to which no man, no label, no emotion gets trapped.

    Flowing to and fro and between……
    Endless mystery, fun, fascination…….

  29.  #29Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:31 am

    I am high strung about a lot of things. CF accepts this about me. He has actually noticed when I’m fighting with myself over having high strung feelings/correcting myself when I get upset with him, and he tells me I’m allowed to have feelings, and reminds me when it’s all over that he accepts me from toe to head. It feels nice.
    I think it helps that most of the time I am not blaming him for my feelings. So I’m enjoying total acceptance.
    Sometimes he takes it really personally when I get high strung, though, which is a combination of work he needs to do and me needing to control my trigger responses a little better.

  30.  #30Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 9:39 am

    I think that *one* thing that I try to remember is sometimes it takes people a while to *get* me… (male and female) And I say SO WHAT?

    What we don’t know we are wary of, and quickly pass judgement.. rightly or wrongly. It is hard to stay curious and open when our back is against the wall..and someone is coming at us with new opinions and a new ideas.. Not sure if this makes sense?!

  31.  #31Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Sirens, do you remember last week when MyGuy emailed me saying he’d like to apologize to me in person, and I didn’t want to see him so I wrote back and told him I was sorry too and as far as I was concerned, I forgave him, and i don’t want to be in touch and I wish him all the happiness in the world?

    That was probably the 4th time I had said as much to him since August.

    Well, he wrote me again today, telling me it seems like I don’t forgive him. I don’t get it. How are you going to write me over and over saying you just want to apologize, and when I won’t meet up with you, give me a huge guilt trip and try to bait me into talking? I said over and over that i forgive him, even when he was saying he hates me because I won’t get back with him. I have been so loving and peaceful towards this man. I just don’t. want. to. get. back. together.

    Here is his letter. What do I do? I already said no a bazillion times, and I said I forgive him. I thought he was so gung ho on apologizing, and I said it’s okay I forgive him, no need to meet to tell me how sorry you are. but now I see he wants to rope me into drama, I think:

    “You say you don’t want to be in touch with me and that really hurts. The thing that I keep on thinking of, is that I can’t understand how things got so bad between us. I honestly don’t think that we could be together in a romantic way again, that boat sailed, and I’m good with that. But I still see you as an amazing person who I care about very much. I truly have respected your wishes to not have contact for a long time, hoping that over time any bad feelings that we might have had for each other would wither and we could talk. Hearing that you don’t want to be in touch really spells out for me that I have done something horrible, or that I am something horrible that you really have no wish to even to talk to, and that I am not forgiven.

    It’s not that I’m so conceited that I can’t tolerate someone not liking me, or not wanting to have anything to do with me, I can be good with that. But not understanding why really consumes me. I think about you a lot, every day in fact. And when I do, I get scared, because I fell in love, and knew so strongly in my heart and my head that we were meant to be together. You made me feel so good, but then things fell apart in such a bad way, that I feel hopeless. I don’t think I’ll ever find a woman who was more perfectly suited for me than you, and that you don’t even want to speak to me feels devastating for more reasons than I’ll bother to type to you.

    I just want to talk Starla. If you really don’t want to talk to me, at all, then would you please try to give me sort of explanation of why it is that you don’t want to talk to me. Even if I don’t agree with what you have to say, at least I’ll know why it is we can’t be in touch, and maybe I can just put “us” behind me. As it is now I’m really torn. I am doing great in every other aspect of my life, I’m successful in work, in school, and in just about everything else I’ve been up to lately. But this thing between us is still unresolved. I just want to fix that. Let me know your thoughts.”

  32.  #32Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 9:40 am

    “She seems forthright, firm, strong, emotionally deep, expressive and responsive”.

    I wonder if men see women as high strung when they embody these characteristics?

  33.  #33Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Ooh and equally vice versa… I have judged too.
    BUT hay-ho life goes on..

  34.  #34Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Maybe I should write back,
    Hi MyGuy, sorry for the huge misunderstanding — I really meant it when I said “everything is okay,” and “I forgive you,” and “you haven’t done anything horribly wrong”!! I kept saying those three things hoping you’d believe me, but I can see you didn’t digest any of that. Please take my word for it.

    Or I could write back,
    I thought you wanted to apologize. I guess you just want to do drama. You suck and this is why i don’t ever want to talk to you, even as a friend.

    Or I could say nothing, since I said a bazillion times everything is okay, I just don’t want to talk.

  35.  #35Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:48 am

    He said “I truly have respected your wishes to not have contact for a long time, hoping that over time any bad feelings that we might have had for each other would wither and we could talk.”

    Not true. he’s contacted me about a dozen times, and I either ignored it completely, or told him I didn’t want to be in touch.

    This guy sucks. Leave me alone!!!!!!

  36.  #36Mel on January 24, 2012 at 9:49 am

    I would generally not describe myself as high-strung. I tend to be super easy-going and sort of go-with-the-flowy. However… I would say that I am really sensitive. In the past, when I felt sensitive about something, I kept it all inside… which may have translated into me appearing high-strung. Now that I am learning to express myself well, things just seem to flow away from me like the outgoing tide.

    A perfect example… Mr. A was saying that his son’s behavior seems to worsen when I’m around (he’s ADHD). He said that he can see his son “competing for attention.” I felt a little knot form in my tummy. This felt bad to hear. I don’t want to create weird dynamics. I don’t want to be the cause of misbehavior. I normally would have let this fester, or stayed away so as not to cause “problems,” but instead, I said quietly… “Um… I feel bad hearing that. I don’t want to get in the way or be unwelcome.”

    He came over, looked me in the eyes and said “No, Mel… I never want you to think you are unwelcome. I want you here. He wants you here. It’s just a dynamic to be aware of. You being here makes me so incredibly happy.” Then he gave me a big kiss.

    It’s the letting out of the little worries, fears and sensitivities that keeps us from being high-strung, I think.

  37.  #37Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Starla it is my feeling that he is missing you. He might even want to move on to another relationship but can’t – like Lilybelle’s guy. Also I am sure that you understand by now that when you don’t want a guy it seems that is the receipe to have them wanting you. He says in his gut he feels you were perfect for him. Remember that is not an everyday occurence for most of us and that when guys feel that and want relationships they will cast themselves into danger to get what they want. He, I believe, is acting out of his fear. My understanding from a lot of guys is that they believe there is this one girl out there that can make them happy and they live to connect with this one girl. If he believes that you are that one girl I can imagine him being fearful that the rest of his life will be miserable. I had one guy say something similar to me, after going in and out of my life for over 20 years. He left me for another girl and the marriage did not last, she threw him out. He told me he told her that she was wicked because “she stole another woman’s man and did not want him”.

    His letter also suggest that he personalizes things so I am not convinced you can say anything to change his mind. He will try to pick your logic apart. This is just my impression.

  38.  #38Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:52 am

    This was what I said to him last week:
    Hi MyGuy, thank you for thinking to apologize to me for last time, and I just wanted to let you know it’s all okay as far as I’m concerned. I am sorry, too, for any time I was less than kind to you. While I don’t want to be in touch, I truly wish nothing but good, wonderful, amazing things for you, from the bottom of my heart, because you deserve it. Take nice care,

    Like seriously….leave me alone, guy. I tried the nice route, and I meant it, but he is pushing it.

    I don’t want to psychoanalyze, but he was raised by a cult (yes, a cult) with a serious disciplinary side, and I have often felt that he pushed until he’s being scolded by me, because he was raised to VALUE harsh discipline. It feels awful and tricky to be in this position.

  39.  #39Francesca on January 24, 2012 at 9:53 am

    FW, that’s a good question. Then I must be high-strung, which I know I am.

    But my man is ok with that, I’m not.

    I wish I was calmer, softer, more “flowy” and that I could speak my mind in a sirenyn way instead of mirroring his boy energy all the time.

    It’s like I want to compete.

    Got to give that up.

  40.  #40lk on January 24, 2012 at 9:55 am

    ooh i feel a little magical today : )

    also, a little heavy & tired-eyed (o)_(0)

  41.  #41Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 9:55 am

    By the way Starla when my guy kept calling me and sending gifts I just kept saying “I have moved on with my life and I believe you should do the same. I know I am worthy of the best so I am not in any hurry to rush into a relationship with anyone because I know that anyone who gets me will wake up every morning feeling like he is the luckiest man alive. I have a lot to offer and so I am going to honor myself”. He eventually stopped calling.

  42.  #42Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:56 am

    last time he said “I’m really sorry about all the bad things that happened between us, especially the last time we crossed paths. I never wanted to act like that. I have more apologizing to do, and I would really like to talk to you.”

    Um, guy, you’re acting like that again.

    I feel like he’ll only act decent if I’m giving him what he wants. He only apologizes when it means he’ll get what he wants. It’s. really. annoying.

    CF would NEVER pull this sh*t on me.

  43.  #43Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 9:57 am

    Gosh, saying all that has made me sound / feel like I am a really cold person.. Heartless maybe? I don’t WANT to be like that.

  44.  #44Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 9:58 am

    “he was raised to VALUE harsh discipline”

    If that is the case then he would find it attractive, is what I believe.

  45.  #45Starla on January 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

    I see serious problems with this guy. If I’m so perfect and wonderful, why did he tell me no repeatedly and then shut off his phone when I was attacked on the street and called him to come to me? And when I wanted to go for a hike outside the city to get away from the triggering city environment that i was just attacked in, did he show up at 6 am to tell me i’m not allowed to go? Why did he refuse to hug me when I was so triggered I couldn’t stop crying, and I’d just beg for a hug? Why did he dump me by unfriending me on facebook without a word, and then harass me months later for not chasing after him? Why when every time I didn’t accept his last minute invitations or make other plans when he didn’t confirm any time or anything, did he dump me on the spot?

    Enough is enough is enough is enough.

    And ohhh how awful I treated him for all of it, because I could never fully walk away. It was the wrong relationship for me. being with him showed me how much work I had to do on myself. He was Dorothea’s last boyfriend.

  46.  #46Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Mel my guess is that the son senses the love from his father going towards and it might cause some stress for him. He might just need some reassurance that your presence will not take away from what he has with his dad.

    Also honestly I really despise those ADHD labels they put on kids. It is my belief that those things result from diet and the advanced technological environment. But that is my belief.

  47.  #47Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 10:07 am

    Hi Starla, it sounds like you really *don’t* like this guy. I can hear in your tone how much he is annoying you. I don’t know the history of what he did to you but could you try being *honest* with him – IT sounds to me like you are pacifying him – AND not TELLING him the truth when he’s asking you if he did anything wrong.

    You seem very angry with him so he is obviously unleashing some pretty powerful feelings in you.

  48.  #48Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Starla I remember you and how you used to write about that situation. I am not sure I would encourage you to keep in contact with him.

  49.  #49lk on January 24, 2012 at 10:09 am


    that’s funny : ) my ex from high school/college that i dated for 3 years just contacted me over the weekend wanting to get lunch…

    hmmm it will feel really interesting to discuss this with CD…. i feel curious about what he will think

  50.  #50Mel on January 24, 2012 at 10:09 am


    Yes, I agree. This weekend it was just the 3 of us. But I have noticed that when his sister is also around, his behavior seems to improve with my presence. Having the extra adult around to give him attention (rather than him having to compete with his sister for dad’s attention) he seems to be more content. But I guess with just the 3 of us, I turned into competition. Funny.

  51.  #51Cat Blue on January 24, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Mel – I guess when you go out with someone who has children these issues will occur. I think it is very sweet that he is taking care of his son’s interests – by making sure you are aware of them. Sounds good to me – a very thoughtful father.

  52.  #52Starla on January 24, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Cat Blue, I am angry because we’ve been over this more than once since August. I told him what the deal was when he came back to me 2 months after dumping me by unfriending me without a word on facebook. I thought everything was resolved. Then I ran into him one night and he asked for me to give him another chance. I said no. he said he hates me and sped off in his car. He left me standing there alone at 2 am in the middle of a bad neighborhood.

    Even then, he kept contacting me, and i just said, hey don’t beat yourself up, it’s all okay, i understand how hard these things are, i just don’t want to be in touch.

    but nothing is enough, it seems.

    So yeah, i’m starting to get angry, because i feel like he won’t rest until I’m back to being angry and mean, like how i used to be with him.

    I don’t do “mean” anymore.

  53.  #53Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Mel I also imagine that he might be having mommy issues. Kids tend to find it difficult to let their parent allow someone else in their life. I get that sense from my son. He is laser focussed on guys who come around me, I guess because of his protective male instincts. But truly, for the most part, his assessment of their personality is spot on.

  54.  #54Starla on January 24, 2012 at 10:15 am

    FW, I am sooo doing my damnedest to not be in touch with him. I’m not sure what else to do except ignore him. maybe that’s what i’ll do.

  55.  #55Goodheart on January 24, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Starla, tell him you’re pregnant.

    That should do the trick 🙂

  56.  #56Mel on January 24, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Mr. A has told me repeatedly how much his son likes me. He said I had “favorable reviews” and he was impressed at how well he responded to me. I also feel like his son and I get along well, we have a similar sense of humor, sometimes gang up on his dad together, etc. lol

    Perhaps he’s having “mommy issues,” but to me it doesn’t appear to be the case. Who knows though. I don’t feel too concerned about it.

  57.  #57Goodheart on January 24, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Sorry, that was a bad joke, but I actually had to do that once to get a guy to leave me alone.

    Worked like a charm.

  58.  #58lk on January 24, 2012 at 10:20 am


    this guy & i have had ongoing conflict about maintaining contact after our relationship. i couldn’t do it when the break-up was fresh (he wasn’t respectful of my new relationship) but then sometimes i did go to meet with him when i was dating HT but i haven’t seen Jx since HT & I broke up…

    it always feels like re-opening a wound…. tears & “why we broke up” chatter comes……… but i don’t feel that way or wonder about that……. but i think i prefer to chance a re-wounding for the opportunity of miracle healing : )

    so i do want to go & meet him for lunch. it could be Difficult or Dramatic but it could be Nice & Calming & Restorative : )

  59.  #59Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 10:20 am
    Flower Child 77,
    RE: #316 from above thread:
    “Brenda…do you think that maybe you are expecting too much of yourself in this situation?
    I know how deeply you feel about Ryan and I’m wondering if it’s really possible for you to be truly authentic and still insist that it’s fine with you to “just be friends.”
    Are you willing to do anything to keep him in some part of your life—even if it means being disingenuous to/with yourself?”
    FlowerChild, I found out Aerosmith had a different acrostic for “FINE”:

    Fu(ked up
    Neurotic and

    Where I’m concerned with Ryan, BOTH acrostics apply, LOL!

  60.  #60Goodheart on January 24, 2012 at 10:24 am

    “It’s the letting out of the little worries, fears and sensitivities that keeps us from being high-strung, I think.”

    I love this, Mel.

    I so agree & am learning, little by little, to do this.

  61.  #61Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:27 am

    Mel I believe they have internal conflicts about having a parent replaced especially when they are trying to find themselves. My daughter who is 14 seem to be okay with possibility of me having someone permanently in my life. My son who is a year younger, on the other is ambivalent. He goes back and forth. Sometimes it is really interesting the comments he makes after sitting aside and listening to conversations and watching the dynamics between myself and different guys. In one instance he said one guy was “empty headed”. This is the guy who keeps talking as if it is a monologue and there is no one in front of him.

  62.  #62Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Mel I don’t think you have anything to be concerned about though. It is just something to be aware of so you pay attention to the son when you are around him and can be compassionate towards him.

  63.  #63Mel on January 24, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Interesting FW. Do you think it matters that their mother has already “moved-on” (or rather moved-in…) so to speak? To me, if I were the son, it would seem quite obvious that the two of them were not going to get back together. But I guess the feelings could still be there.

    At least he seems to like me though… no “empty-headed” comments in my direction! LOL

  64.  #64Laughing Goddess on January 24, 2012 at 10:34 am

    As yourself: “Is it more important to me to be loving to myself and others, or it is more important to get love?” This is a very important question to answer for yourself, because your intent determines your actions – and it’s only the intent to be loving to yourself and others that has positive results.

    Margaret Paul

  65.  #65FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I just got done reading the last thread (whew!) and want to respond some before I get started on this one.

    Emerson…you are right. I read all your (and everyone’s) posts, even if I don’t post/respond. You are heard <3

    Also…I understand not wanting to use valuable time you can use for yourself with your friend who is not ready to leave her abusive bf. On average, it takes seven or eight times of leaving (actually LEAVING/breaking up–not just thinking or talking about it) before a woman is able to find the strength and personal power to leave the situation.

    I had a 12 year marriage to a very violent man and know this to be true. I've also worked at domestic violence agencies for many years. (I have a background in social work/human services.) Maybe you can give her some information about a local women's safe house and/or crisis line phone numbers so she knows she has options—-and then tell her have to get going because you have xy and z to do. (Not getting stuck in a long conversation.)

    ALSO…you made me laugh when you described the man as, "moody, morose and mr. grumpy pants." 😉 I can say the same for my guy. I'm learning to laugh at it and just let it be, instead of trying to "fix" or taking it personally. Although it IS hard to not take it that way when *I* am having feelings and he turns it around 'back to him' as you say. I understand, but find it hard to "outgirl"—-That is something I need to learn more about.

    Turquoise…Thank you so much for talking about your vision boards 🙂 I remember making one right after I saw 'The Secret' and nothing ever came of it. I had great pictures and ideas….but not the feeling/vibration behind them to make anything happen. (The movie was a wonderful introduction and brought awareness, but was not very helpful when it came to the actual 'doing' the LOA.) Then I sort of forgot about that tool (vision boards.)

    Now I'm all excited to make another one–only this time I know a lot more about it and believe I will see some results! 🙂

    STS—I feel SO envious of you with the babies. I ACHE to hold a baby sometimes. The feeling is so intense. It must take a lot of energy to have several very small children at once to watch. When I think back on when my four were young, I can hardly imagine having the energy to keep up with them all day, every day. <3

    FW (last thread) Thank you so much for your post about me leaving when I don't like how he responds and him saying I'm "running away." I see where the WAY I do it must wrong.

    It's not an angry, dramatic 'walk away' (although there have been times in the past where it was—when he'd said something particularly hurtful or mean.) I need to say what I'm doing and include that it's only for now, until I feel better. Is that what you mean?

    You have such a good grasp of what's going on with us. I really appreciate your input. Thank you.

    Brenda…I'm glad to see you have a sense of humor about your "cravings" 😉 I think about sex a LOT. (I mean a LOT!) Sometimes I wonder if I'm more like a man in that sense. I just think we're healthy and have very vivid imaginations! 😉

  66.  #66Laughing Goddess on January 24, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Hello sirens,

    Just wanting to drop in and say hi!

    I’m feeling a mix of emotions.

    Part of me feels very excited about a freelance interior design job I’m starting tomorrow with a dear architect friend of mine.

    This is what I went to school for and it’s been a while since I’ve done this kind of work and I feel very excited.

    I feel happy about the dynamics between the architect, the client, and I. I feel really excited about this project.

    Another part of me feels really sad about what is going on with my mom.

    Surfing the waves of life!

  67.  #67Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Mel it could be obvious and he could have to a certain extent accepted that it is over but I have come to learn that children sometimes feel responsible for the break up. You know how Rori says that our emotions get formed as children. Many times when we are able to reconnect somehow to our past experiences we realize how silly the story was that the child inside of us believed? We will never know what is going on inside him but to me the best way to handle it is to acknowledge his feelings and give the kids space to “act out” until the child can figure out how to deal with his own emotions. It is just one of those mysteries of life I believe.

  68.  #68Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Yes FlowerChild it is something I learned from InnerBonding as a way of taking loving care of oneself. I believe I have also Orna Walters write something similar. It seems like signalling to the other person that you cherish your emotions and that there are times when you need to take a break away from them to do that so that they feel blamed or responsible. Gay Hendricks also has a story about the same kind of thing.

  69.  #69Femininewoman on January 24, 2012 at 10:55 am

    FlowerChild see LGs comment No. 64. It is from InnerBonding.

  70.  #70Iamabutterfly on January 24, 2012 at 11:05 am

    @ Starla – I tend to agree with Cat Blue and Feminine Woman. If it were me, I would let him know how angry I feel about his persistance. but for your own safety and sanity, it may feel best just to ignore him…

  71.  #71Iamabutterfly on January 24, 2012 at 11:07 am

    @ 37 Feminine Woman – I can understand why my posts from the previous thread might’ve triggered you after reading this. it feels good to understand you better…

  72.  #72mali on January 24, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Oh, wow… this post really speaks to me!! =)

  73.  #73Mochaberri on January 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

    @ Starla

    I recently had this happen to me about a month ago where I told the guy that I appeciated his wanting to apologize and it was accepted. He wanted to take me out to dinner to make up for his behavior and I let him know that I could not go because I did not feel safe after what happened and needed time to get past it and also I did not feel that communicating was approriate at this time.

    And it sounds to me that you have done all the right things – what I did to insure he did not contact me is that my cell phone company allows me to block up to 5 people free of charge – so you may want to check into that if that’s how he’s contacting you. And if it’s by email mark it as spam.

    What do you think?

  74.  #74Mochaberri on January 24, 2012 at 11:37 am

    I have the ability to be high strung at times and I totally embrace that part of me

  75.  #75Sweetpea on January 24, 2012 at 11:42 am

    Great article and timely, as usual. I’ve started accepting this “name tags” as Rori calls them, rather than shrinking from them, stuffing them down, or trying to get away from them.

    But…I’ve been slacking off on that of late. Great reminder to keep accepting ourselves – even the parts we consider ugly. We are who we are – and we are beautiful! All of us…

  76.  #76Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Boys like to stick their penises in girls’ vaginas.

  77.  #77FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 11:48 am

    (((((Brenda)))))…I think being able to laugh at ourselves can be very helpful and healing sometimes. I would encourage you to be kinder to yourself and not apply the Aerosmith acrostic to yourself. I think the other one is more gentle and does not use negative labels.

    Also, your post #16….I don’t know if you realize it, but you have grown significantly in your outlook regarding the situation about Ryan! 🙂

    I was SO happy to read what you wrote in #16 about your loneliness and owning that. Knowing what it is that consistently “derails” the conversation is major progress.

    Since what you want is something he is not able/willing to give you, I think what you’re “lonely” for is an ‘idea’ rather than Ryan, himself. Does that make any sense? <3

    I like the idea of choosing a date on the calendar as a goal to check in with yourself, but I'm thinking that for you, right now—-getting through 'one day at a time' might be more realistic—more 'do-able.'

    If there are times when you have to do it hour by hour, then do it that way. Whatever works for you.

    I believe God can bring you the perfect man—the man that can be your husband and lover. But you have to "let Him." <3

  78.  #78Starla on January 24, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Brenda, 76
    I don’t understand, is there something else you’re trying to say?

  79.  #79FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    LG/FW–Thank you for posting that. I am working on loving myself first and need to be reminded how important this is. I know that no one can ‘fill up’ that space where self love belongs.

    I am learning to take care of myself, emotionally, so that I may sincerely ask (and receive the answer to) “How can I give/be of service?”

    I’m going to go review my Margaret Lynch Inner Bonding Lessons.

  80.  #80mali on January 24, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I love me just as I am.
    And the Universe has my back.

    I feel so lucky and blessed!!

  81.  #81Aurora Girl on January 24, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    78 re 76

    Ditto….what’s up with that comment?

  82.  #82Iamabutterfly on January 24, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Thought this was interesting from yesterday:

    “Next time your boyfriend or husband is feeling stressed, sick, or pissed, rub his shoulders, hold his hand, or give him a quick back massage. Sure, it’s a nice gesture, but you should do it for purely selfish reasons too. Researchers just discovered that when a woman provides physical comfort to a guy in need, the reward center of her brain lights up. It’s the same region of the brain that typically responds to chocolate, sex, and money.

    The study, which was conducted at the University of California-Los Angeles, consisted of 20 couples in “good relationships”. The boyfriends received painful electric shocks (we really hope they were compensated monetarily for this) while the girlfriends either held their man’s arm or didn’t touch him. The women, who were hooked up to MRI machines, showed “increased activity in the reward-related regions of the brain” whenever they were touching their electrically-shocked significant others. The girlfriends also reported feeling more connected with their guys when they were touching during a shock. Whereas, when the woman didn’t offer support in the form of an arm touch, those regions of the brain showed decreased activity.

    The researchers concluded that “support-giving may have stress-reducing effects for the person who provides the support”.

    Then scientists then compared the brain scans of the women who touched their boyfriends during the electric shock with the brain scans of the women who touched their boyfriends not getting shocked. And guess what they discovered? The women didn’t feel nearly as rewarded, de-stressed, or connected when the guy wasn’t in pain.

    This isn’t to say that our entire gender is masochistic and we enjoy seeing our guys suffer. The scientists took the findings to mean that we get pleasure out of being there for our men and giving them physical support and comfort. Awww.”

  83.  #83FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    Brenda…I remember you saying that you post things like #76 as an outlet for those kind of feelings. Did I remember correctly?

    I certainly do relate to thinking about sex often and in a very vivid way. 😉

  84.  #84Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 12:29 pm


    RE: #78 – That’s my silly way of trying to put myself in a good mood. I am feeling rotten. Thanks for asking.

    One little ray of encouragement: I just got an email and phone call out of the blue for a job possibility! I have an interview friday to be a technical writer. And it’s only a half hour from my new job!

    I miss Ryan so bad. I miss him, miss him, miss him! I am so in love with him.

  85.  #85Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 12:29 pm


    RE: #83 – That too! I’m a healthy American woman who loves SEXXX!!!!

  86.  #86Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 12:31 pm


    RE: #77 – Thank you! Yep, an hour at a time for me.

  87.  #87FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Brenda…even though you are still having a hard time (no pun intended!) can you see that you are making progress in your thinking? I hope you can. I do (#77)

    I will be remembering you in my prayer/meditations. Congratulations on the new job opportunity!! Yay Brenda!! <3

  88.  #88Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm


    Thank you, yes, I am having a rapid growth spurt…Just hoping I can maintain my sanity at the same time.

  89.  #89Daria on January 24, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    ohhh that makes sense that we go to overfunctioning as a way to give us those good bondy feelings

    cuz i ‘took care’ of a guy last nite by letting him use my 5 dollars, and now i cant stop thinking about him hoping he’s ok he still likes me feeling insecure and attached

  90.  #90Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    High Strung??

    Ya’ tha’nk?? LOLOLOL!

  91.  #91Mochaberri on January 24, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    I ran across this post on another blog and feel it may be somewhat insightful to some of us here.

    Just Can’t Leave Him Alone”

    You know you need to leave. Staying with him is causing you to compromise the essence of who you are and what you believe. You feel that if you stay you may lose yourself forever and become an empty shell of what you used to be. Yet, every time you think you are ready, you find that you just can’t leave him alone. Something pulls you back and keeps you wanting more of him, even with the expected cost of your peace, happiness and possibly your self-esteem.

    I have been there and I know many women who can say the same. Once you’ve given your heart, soul, body and everything else you can possibly give you are suddenly bound to this person and you don’t even know why. You think you love him but you even question that because you don’t like him much anymore. It feels like being with him has you locked in a jail cell and you don’t even know how long your sentence is. You wonder when it will end. Will it get better? Will he change? Will I ever be able to walk away for good? You say you’re done but you know that you are not in complete agreement with that statement. What will it take to close this chapter forever?

    Perhaps you aren’t even committed to him, but you enjoy the attention that he gives you. You like having someone to keep you company, take you out and share a meal or fill the silence with sweet words that boost your ego. He’s not your man, but you are having so much fun that you don’t care. You may not realize the pain you are causing and the way that you are blocking yourself from receiving the relationship that was intended for you.

    The truth is, the longer you stay involved with someone who is not good for you, not intended for you, or belongs to someone else, the worse you feel about yourself. You begin to condemn yourself for being in the situation. You harshly judge yourself and begin to wonder if maybe you deserve to be in dysfunctional relationships since you don’t seem to know how to change or stay away. You begin to accept the conditions you find yourself in as if they are normal. The longer you stay you start to forget how much of a prize you are. Intellect, beauty, talent – you don’t seem to have any. You wonder what happened to it because you had so much potential years ago. You wonder if your life will ever get better.

    Too often we give our emotions the power to control our lives. Try observing your emotions without reacting to them. If you are feeling very emotional about something, sit quietly and do nothing. Silently experience the feeling of sadness, anger or happiness. Close your eyes, breathe and watch those emotions rise and fall. Open your eyes. You are still alive! You didn’t explode or fade away. You are still here. Our emotions can sometimes give us this urgency that we misinterpret. Emotions are part of life; they can be enjoyable and even helpful as flags that signal us to be cautious, but too often we allow them to drive our actions and reactions without pausing for thought and prayer.

    The only thing stopping you from leaving is you. There may come a day when you fully realize this. Most people seem to have a breaking point, but hopefully you can speed up your own process by knowing that you are hurting yourself by prolonging the goodbye. The problem is that being with the person has become a habit. It is now part of your routine and you know that something will feel like it is missing if you leave. That may be true, but what you have to gain by walking away and reclaiming your life will far outweigh whatever it is you think you will miss.

    We fear feeling the pain of separation but don’t realize that fear is the worst part of the process. Pushing past the fear may be the most difficult step and once you have done it, healing can begin. You may experience a temporary feeling of loss. You have grown accustomed to the relationship and all that it added or subtracted from your life. You may wonder how you will fill the gaps left by the missing person. You may sometimes think you made a mistake in letting them go because you momentarily forgot about how unhappy you were in that jail cell.

    This is the part where you need to pray. Acknowledge that you need help and ask God for it. Why lay around for days, weeks or months depressed and miserable over a relationship that was no good for you to begin with? Pray and ask God to give you the strength to never look back and ask Him to take the pain away. Ask Him to fill the voids in your life and give you the help, guidance and support that you need. I have prayed this and God never failed me. He sent all the help I needed not to continue the patterns of brokenness and not to linger in sadness. Since God is no respecter of persons, I know He will do the same for you. Just ask.

    After you pray, walk away. Just walk away from the relationship and keep it moving. Take all the necessary steps to remove this person from your life. I wrote about this earlier in The Naked Wolf posting – delete his information, delete the photos, ignore the calls and get authorities involved if he won’t respect your wishes to cease contact. It gets easier to separate yourself from the moment you commit to doing it. The Lord will help with the rest if you ask Him. Don’t allow your emotions or the other person’s emotions for that matter to push you around. You deserve peace, happiness and a full life, now go ahead and claim it!

    I also encourage you to seek support. Do not isolate yourself; rather look for resources that will build you up.

  92.  #92FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I’m wondering if ‘high-strung’ and super-sensitive are somewhat interchangeable concepts. Or is ‘high-strung’ the reaction/behavior that comes from being super-sensitive?

  93.  #93FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    >>>”ohhh that makes sense that we go to overfunctioning as a way to give us those good bondy feelings”<<<

    Daria—-that makes perfect sense….thank you for putting it that way….

  94.  #94FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    I didn’t finish my thought….the overfunctioning/overly giving gets used to “make something” where there isn’t…to make ourselves feel better. We are uncomfortable…so we try and fill-in-the-blank. Hmmmmm…..

  95.  #95Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    #84 Brenda

    Fingers and toes crossed for the job!!!!!!!

  96.  #96Jenny on January 24, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    I’m feeling very beautiful and clean, it felts wonderful taking a shower, I felt warm and skimering when I saw water touch my skin. I felt magical, I felt like a mermaid sitting under a waterfall.

    I feel happy and a little sad. One of my toworrow CD just gave me a notice he cant make it, since change of plan at his work.

    So I just told him:
    “I feel a little sad, I was looking forward to meet. I feel happy, it feels good getting notice in advance. Thank you for letting me know”

    ..and, and it does feel good when they say in advance that they cant come. And this CD is a young boy, 20 🙂 Even if I’m dating for the fun of it – I totelly love it when they step up, are good men 🙂

  97.  #97Daria on January 24, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Francesca – im feeling a little defensive reading your post on the other thread

    i feel tense – i get the impression im being blamed for someone’s personal inner triggers to a conversation with me…

    i didn’t want you to feel bad

    and i also feel angry to have it kinda be put on my responsibility

    i dont want to get labels like tough cookie and i don’t want to take responsibility for other peoples stuff…

    my lil voice is like “its not my fault you felt like you needed approval for me, and that you felt all disappointed i didnt agree with you at first – i have a right to not agree! and i have a right to change my mind!

    and actually it felt great to be able to air out my concerns…

    and find that some of my fears didn’t hold…

    im sorry if my expressing triggered you to feel insecurity and uncomfortableness about being approved of or validated – i can see how that could happen

    and i dont want to take responsibility for that

    that is not my stuff and i dont want to feel like … i feel pressured.

    well i feel scared im gogin to come out looking bad for not being able to control how someone else is feeling… and THAT is my stuff… “

  98.  #98Queenbee on January 24, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Hey Sirens,

    Quick question – please help.

    If things are not going so good with a man and he keeps insisting he wants to see you and he says he loves you more than one time, is it okay to ask him why he loves you?

    Or would that be over-functioning or an unfair question?



  99.  #99Rori Raye on January 24, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Hi all – Just need to put out a general moderation guideline…this is the hardest thing I have to do in my work: If I receive a letter that sounds suicidal, or talks about ending life, or not being able to go on… – I cannot answer. I can’t answer privately, or alert anyone, or reply here. I have to send it to the trash. I used to send them on to my company, and they just trashed it there after talking with the company attorney – legally I just can’t do anything without endangering myself or my publishing company (If you’re an attorney, perhaps you have a different idea about this – but for now, I have to abide by my contractual obligations in this and many areas…) so – if you’re a woman in pain, and you’ve sent me a letter or put a comment here that ended up in moderation and I didn’t approve it and answer you – you know why – and I’m supremely sorry.

    My advice would ALWAYS be – if you are actually in so much emotional pain that you’d consider not going forward with life and learning new skills and experiencing new things – then please get immediate professional help. There’s so much of it out there – and so much for free. In my darkest days, I used the hotlines, and still recommend them…

    And if this is not the case, and you’re truly only flirting with the idea in your mind and never would really consider it – then please consider, instead, talking to yourself differently, and framing your situation differently and try posting again in a way I can publish and the community here can help you…wishing you love and blessing you who’ve written…Love, Rori

  100.  #100Daria on January 24, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    urh im feelin so insecure! he probably thinks im selfish!


    i want to focus on ME!

    im the prize!!!

  101.  #101Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    I believe I was highly strung when I was younger and married to a man whose behaviour “made” me feel that way, now I am older and hopefully wiser, I believe I am a lot more mellow and grounded.

    Maybe that’s why I have such a trigger with all the angry and furious posts on here at times, like hey just chill out and……..breathe……….and relax…….

    Sometimes it can be like a time/age thing, you know I am 40 and not married and I don’t have children and the clock is ticking my life away.

    I can remember when I got divorced at 49 and feeling this URGENCY that OMFG I am 50 next year and I am going to be on my own for EVER……..OMFG what will I do?? I have to meet somebody like NOW!!!!!!!!

    And yet here I am at 58 and I don’t feel like that anymore and the funny thing is my job now entails me working with (mostly) women a lot older than me and they tell me how young I am (ha!!) and I look at them and I have soooo many years ahead of me all that urgency and angst and the driven way I felt have dissipated.

  102.  #102Daria on January 24, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Queenbee – yeah! that would be the WRONG way to go

    it woudl be like “askign the innocent question”

    it sounds like the truth is more like

    “im feeling… unhappy with… being a gf/the distance/stuff between us… what do you think we should do?”

  103.  #103Mochaberri on January 24, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    @ Queenbee @98

    I feel that if it were me I would first figure out what was triggering me to feel that things weren’t going well and woerk through that.Then I would feel what is happening within my body when I hear him telling me I love him and try to udnerstand why I’m feeling that way

    Hope that makes sense!!

  104.  #104Iamabutterfly on January 24, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    @91 Mochaberri – I love this. Thanks for posting it. Feels super helpful.

  105.  #105Daria on January 24, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    omg im wanting to call him omg omg

    uff how do i NOT do this?

    he might never contact me again

    i want to be With him right now!


    i feel so uncomfortable feeling like this! its cuz i softened up and ‘took care’ of him and now im feeling all ‘high strung’ and

    responsible for him feeling good and afraid he wont like me or think im nice and hell think im selfish

    evn tho i gave him 5 dollars


    cuz i hesitated

    and id dint feel totally taken caer of all nite, i mean on his own he didnt ask me what i want as far as water

    but he Did wind up getitng it for me

    AND he took me home ooohhhh that was so sweet i want to call him!

    well i wish he was calling me sigh


    feeling all outta sorts with these into hisself a lil bit men ima SLAP HIM

    he said he likes being slapped so thats perfect lol

  106.  #106Mochaberri on January 24, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    @Iambutterfly – you ar most welcome!! I found it to be inspirational to me!!!!!!!!!

  107.  #107Queenbee on January 24, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Thanks Daria @102, and Mochaberri @91. Yeah, it’s HAman. We met again after 7 months, still had feelings, kinda connected, I slept with him… all in a week. This was just before Xmas and he had plans to go to the Coast with some ‘friends’ – Two guys and two girls and where they stayed in a beach house for a week. I felt awful. We talked about it before he left and I told him I wanted out. I feel he’s unattentive and unavailable. that’s pretty much it. When he does pay me attention it’s great… but then it’s not as much as I need….

    He’s never really taken me anywhere. Ended last time coz he went on Easter vacay alone, without me, after asking me….

    I still feel things for him. He’s been asking to see me since after New Year, and I’ve just felt bad and not wanted to do it.

    I guess for me it’s also a red flag, I need someone who I can spend holidays with. I don’t know where he was during New Year… he didn’t contact me…. 🙁

    It feels like FWB… and I suppose I got caught up too soon.

    But, I don’t really know what to believe, since I don’t actually know him all that well, despite having met a couple years ago.

    So, just wondering what to do? Is a man like this even worth it?

    I just feel confused.

    What do you think Sirens?

    Thank you!!


  108.  #108Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 1:30 pm

    On another note ladies next Monday I will be starting on Atkins at least I hope I will as I try to psyche myself up to no CARBS (nooo bread!!) booo hoooo!!

    I have done every diet under the sun and then some, I have even done Atkins before though half heartedly I will admit.

    But just this past weekend I found on Amazon you can download the Kindle for your PC or your Android and I went to the bookstore and bought this book:


    written by a very well respected scientist Gary Taubes.

    He talks about the very worst fat you can have is around your middle (me – the typical apple) and how it can lead to diabetes, heart attack and strokes and unbelievably as this may seem to some of you I am not even interested in this (!!) My main concern is vanity 🙁

    The world is getting fatter as we eat more low fat diets……………we follow the pyramid principles as set up by our various governments, so why is this so, why are we getting fatter?

    Even if you don’t buy the online Kindle book go and read the reviews.

    As I said I am still trying to psyche myself up to it, but I can see no other way and at my age I am really not up to strenuous cardio and weight lifting every day as in the past or those low fat counting every calorie feeling miserable and hungry every day diets.

  109.  #109Daria on January 24, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Queenbee – if i was there id say “worth what?”

    is he asking me out? how do i feel about going ?

    then share that

  110.  #110Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Sorry for my last 2 posts not being about men, not Sireny posts – it’s all just about ME ME ME LOL!!

    Oh and I did reply to Mr Antonio Banderas lookalike who lives in Portugal and is way too short and young for me, but hey I took your advice Lizka. 🙂

  111.  #111Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    More responses to comments later. For now, here is what I sent to him:

    “[Hello, Jc – blah blah blah.]

    Anyway… The bottom line is, I’m really sorry that you’re feeling crappy. I hear you and I understand. But that doesn’t mean it is okay to take it out on me. I’m feeling a little pissed right now. Maybe it is selfish to ask that my feelings be heard, but I don’t think so.

    You are certainly entitled to your feelings. There is nothing that I can or want to do to “fix” them. But I also don’t feel like enabling you to be a crappy person to me because of it. And I don’t feel like taking care of you when my feelings are just as important.

    So if you want to take some time and be Mr. GrumpyPants on your own, that is fine with me.

    I would rather have a conversation with you when you are a little more ready.

    Take care,

    I feel so nervous about sending that. Right away, my NVs started acting up, saying “he’s going to hate you, you are ruining this relationship, blah, blah, blah.”…although, now that I’m writing about it here, I feel better. Whew! Heck, even if it *does* ruin the relationship, I know that it’s not because I didn’t speak my mind and say how I felt. And that feels good! So if he’s not able to respond to that in an adult way – and keeps acting like this bratty 2-year-old, well, then…that is not my fault! Who knows what’s going on with the guy. I certainly don’t. And I DON’T need this to keep bothering me when I have a lot more important things to think about, and people who are right in front of me who need my attention – including me!

    I was going to ask him, last night, what he would do if I had to come to Toronto for some reason (say, a job interview, wink, wink). Would he want to see me? He said to ask him, but I decided not to. I’d much rather ask him that question when he’s in a good mood and not being like this werewolf person. lol

    Thank, sirens. You are awesome!!

    Go non-codependency! 🙂

  112.  #112Daria on January 24, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Tiffany – did you send that? i feel a lil concerned… i woudl encourage you to now translate it all to feeling messages – line by line

    OMG that will be a huge babystep and do so much for realting/communication growth

  113.  #113Daria on January 24, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    More responses to comments later. For now, here is what I sent to him:

    “[Hello, Jc – blah blah blah.]

    I’m really sorry that you’re feeling crappy. I hear you. And.. I feel kinda defensive and like I’m being blamed. I’m feeling a little pissed right now. I’m feeling a little unheard about my feelings.

    I don’t want to be treated crappily. I don’t want to take care of a man emotionally… im just a girl here… I want my emotions to feel treasured and taken care of first.

    I don’t want to date a guy that doesn’t put my emotions first.

    I feel open to talk to you when I’m feeling good and safe… what do you think?


  114.  #114Daria on January 24, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    “I Feel Overwhelmed”
    By Dr. Margaret Paul
    January 23, 2012

    When you feel overwhelmed, do you believe that it is about external circumstances? Discover why this might not be true.

    I often hear from my clients that they feel overwhelmed. Generally, feeling overwhelmed means one of three things:

    •Overwhelmed by their feelings
    •Overwhelmed by time pressures
    •Overwhelmed by how to do things ‘right’
    The feeling of overwhelm is generally caused by how we are treating ourselves and what we are telling ourselves.


    In my Skype session with Peter, he told me at the beginning of the session that he felt overwhelmed.

    “Peter, please breathe into your feeling of overwhelm and get present with it…….do you want responsibility for being the one causing this feeling?”

    “Yes, but I don’t think I’m the cause. I think it’s because I have so much to do and I don’t have the time to get everything done.”

    “Is this what you are telling yourself, which is causing you to feel overwhelmed?”

    “Yes, but it’s true.”

    “Peter, lets go a little deeper with what you are telling yourself. What are you telling yourself will happen if you don’t get everything done?”

    “People will be upset with me.”

    “And what does it mean if they are upset with you?”

    “It means that I’m not good enough.”

    “How do you think your children would feel if you said to them, “You have all this to do and not enough time to do it, and if you don’t get it done people will be upset with you, and their upset means that you are not good enough, so get to work.”

    “I would never say that to my children.”

    “But this is what you are telling yourself – the little boy within who is your feeling self. So of course he feels overwhelmed, just as your children would feel if you said this to them. Peter, please open to your higher self and ask what the truth is.”

    “……………My higher self is saying that I always manage to get things done and that putting pressure on myself just makes it harder. And he says that I am a loving soul – and that is the basis of my worth, not whether I get things done or whether or not people are upset with me.”

    “So, while it may be true that you have a lot to get done, everything else you have been telling yourself is not true – and this is what is causing your overwhelm. Ask you higher self what else you can say to yourself that will release the overwhelm.”

    “My little boy inside needs to know that I will love him even if we don’t get everything done. I’m telling him that right now, and he feels so much better!”


    Janna was feeling overwhelmed by her feelings of loneliness and heartbreak after her boyfriend broke up with her; she had been over-eating and eating junk to numb the feelings.

    “Janna, breathe into these feelings and see if you can get totally present with them……now focus in your heart and invite into your heart compassion for these feelings – kindness, gentleness, caring. Imagine that you are sitting with your hurting child within, embracing her with deep compassion. Just keep being fully present with these very painful feelings with compassion, until you feel ready to release them to Spirit.”

    It only took about five minutes before Janna felt ready to let the feelings move through her. Each time the painful feelings came up, Janna embraced them with compassion and allowed them to move through her rather than getting stuck in her. Her desire to over-eat vanished, as she no longer felt overwhelmed.

    I hope the next time you feel overwhelmed, you fully embrace this feeling with compassion, so that you can either learn about what the overwhelm might be telling you, or you can manage the underlying painful feelings with deep kindness toward yourself.’

  115.  #115Sun Goddess on January 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    I have this huge sense of urgency regarding a purchase and I just called LP and told him about it and asked what he thought and he said it was my call. I feel scared that I might be jumping into something I shouldn’t but scared I will lose it if I don’t. I also feel weird for having told him about my urge.

  116.  #116Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    I am on a massive carbfest this week knowing I have to let go of it all next week.

    Why do I do that?

    Is it my inner teenager rebellion pissy side coming out?

  117.  #117Goodheart on January 24, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Queenbee, the answer is in how you feel.

    When you are with a man who is “worth it” you won’t feel confused or neglected or any of the other bad things you are feeling – not on a regularly basis. Overall, you will feel taken care of & cherished.

    Once you really believe that you deserve all the attention & consistency that you aren’t getting right now – really believe it – you’ll get it.

  118.  #118Mel on January 24, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I often “bargain” with my inner child regarding bad food choices. Like “Ok, I’m hearing that you’d like a treat… but eating that whole pie seems a bit excessive. What if I washed some blackberries for you and drizzled a bit of honey on top? Mmmmm! yes, that sounds delightful!”

  119.  #119Dominique on January 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    Queenbee – Yes that is not so much an unfair question but no one that can be answered. A man lovs you because he loves you, because you are uniquely you. To focus on one thing or another is not loving you. Make sense?

  120.  #120Dominique on January 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Queenbee – Yes that is not so much an unfair question but no one that can be answered. A man loves you because he loves you, because you are uniquely you. To focus on one thing or another is not loving you. Make sense?

  121.  #121Dominique on January 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Queenbee – Yes that is not so much an unfair question but not one that can be answered. A man loves you because he loves you, because you are uniquely you. To focus on one thing or another is not loving you. Make sense?

  122.  #122Mel on January 24, 2012 at 2:35 pm


    Sounds like he’s a yummy “snack.” Rori wrote a post about this…

    He’s super tasty and delicious, but he simply just can’t provide you with all the nourishment you need. So you have an option…

    Pack him along on your horseback ride, enjoy his yummyness, but supplement him with loads of other CDs. Then…you might find someone who gives you all the nourishment you need. Maybe it will be him even!

  123.  #123Dominique on January 24, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    why the triple post? sigh


  124.  #124Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    Hi sirens! I just posted on the previous thread cos I didn’t realise another one was up. Oops!

    Hope you’re all great and will try to catch up later.


  125.  #125Queenbee on January 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    Thank you Sirens (and Dominique for the triple post 🙂 ). Yes, it does all makes sense.

    Love to all!!

  126.  #126Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Sweetie Babe says “Buck up, Honeybee.”

  127.  #127Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    I think he said “buck…”

  128.  #128Mel on January 24, 2012 at 3:20 pm


    ROTFL! 😀

  129.  #129Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    @18: lk says:
    “…Hm… when i have the feeling of “waiting” for a man… or being Lonely For Him…. i sometimes do a Count-Down on a calendar where i put a date down for 90 days away & then mark the days…. so it feels very Sacred & Special…”

    Yay! One of my calendaring tools… works for me and I discussed it last year.

    I’m watching very intently to see what happens next.

  130.  #130Camille on January 24, 2012 at 3:28 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Update…..T left Friday if youll remember I stayed leaned back the I heard from him Sunday night just enough of a conversation for him to tell me he is coming to get some things on Monday.

    Monday came he got some clothes and his Camper and went to stay at our friends house in Idaho. Apparently they are trying to work on some jobs and snowmobiling etc. because of T’s construction work he has been laid off……no biggie cause he works so much and saves. SO…..he told me he was depressed and thought he was going to leave for good because we dont seem to be happy. Were not fighting or arguing but its just not blissful. So he thinks maybe he should leave.

    He said hed see me in a couple of days?

    Anyone want to help me out with that! I was doing so well but now that I’ve seen him. Im longing for him and it hurt that he was cold when he came by.

    I dont know what to do??? As far as, how long do I allow this to be up in the air. I dont know what is ok for me.

    I want him to step up and make this thing work. And realize everyone has problems you get through it and become stronger.

    But I dont know if he has it in him…….it certainly didnt feel that way when he came by to get more clothes to go visit our friends.

    Yuck, Yuck, Yucky……….

  131.  #131Camille on January 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Update…..T left Friday if youll remember I stayed leaned back the I heard from him Sunday night just enough of a conversation for him to tell me he is coming to get some things on Monday.

    Monday came he got some clothes and his Camper and went to stay at our friends house in Idaho. Apparently they are trying to work on some jobs and snowmobiling etc. because of T’s construction work he has been laid off……no biggie cause he works so much and saves. SO…..he told me he was depressed and thought he was going to leave for good because we dont seem to be happy. Were not fighting or arguing but its just not blissful. So he thinks maybe he should leave.

    He said hed see me in a couple of days?

    Anyone want to help me out with that! I was doing so well but now that I’ve seen him. Im longing for him and it hurt that he was cold when he came by.

    I dont know what to do??? As far as, how long do I allow this to be up in the air. I dont know what is ok for me.

    I want him to step up and make this thing work. And realize everyone has problems you get through it and become stronger.

    But I dont know if he has it in him…….it certainly didnt feel that way when he came by to get more clothes to go visit our friends.

    Yuck, Yuck, Yucky……….

  132.  #132Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Iamabutterfly re #82 –

    First off, I.a.b., I have to admit that I have been reading your name wrong for a rather long time. since most of it is lower case, I’ve been reading “Lamabutterfly” and I thought “what the heck does that mean??” lol. But now I know better…You are a butterfly. hehe.

    Anyway, your post from #82 really struck me. It struck me in a way that made me say, “darnit!!” I totally identify with that.

    And it reminds me of what’s been going on with Jc in Canada. He’s been having a really tough time, with what, I’m not so sure. And when he’s told me this stuff before, I’ve offered him “support,” in the form of virtual hugs, etc. I feel frustrated right now because, even when he confessed to me how he was feeling, and I felt like I wanted to offer something like that, it just didn’t feel appropriate this time, for some reason. But I really, really, wanted to. And if I had been there in person, I definitely would have, and that would have been so great. But I’m not.

    I feel so frustrated with an almost-real, fake relationship. It’s fake. It is totally in someone’s imagination – mine, or his, or a combination of both. Only sometimes it gets real. And I want to respond in a real way. And then reality says, “Nope. You’re not there.”

    I don’t want a fake man. I want a real man. Flesh and blood. Right in front of me, beside me, behind me. Supporting me all the time, so that, when he gets his little “shocks,” it will be so easy and natural to just reach out my hand and steady him. And if he’s not real right now, I want him to at least WANT to get real.

    I feel a little bad that, instead of being supportive, like Jc probably wanted, I basically told him to take a “time out,” like the two-year-old he was presenting himself to be. And I don’t want to come across as being like his mother. But I also really don’t want him to take advantage of me, emotionally.

    If he is not giving ME support, and being nurturing, and making me feel safe, then I don’t have the resources to do the same for him. Fact of nature.

    There we go.

  133.  #133Francesca on January 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Daria, yes, I get you.

    It’s fine and I’m not upset.

    I’m letting it go.

  134.  #134Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    @128: Mel

    Anyway the message was I am too blessed to sweat the small stuff.


  135.  #135Daria on January 24, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    tiffany – im sorry… i wrote to you from a place of “worry”

    and fear based action stuff is not what i want

    its lovely that you are opening up to share waht you feel with that guy

    i was reading another article on being right (whcih im taking it to mean for me, being accurate – in my perception etc,) vs being happy

    realizing that i may have thought i was “right” about changing to feeling messages but that doesnt feel happy or encouraging! 🙁

    instead it would feel encouraging to say yeah ! its great that youre taking steps to share your feelings!

    i can even ask if youre open or interested in tweaks from my pov…

    not just trhow em out there outta worry and fear (and i feel so triggered when my mom communicates with me from a wrory and fear place…

    and i forgive myself! )

    love to me!

  136.  #136Daria on January 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Camille – “how long do I allow this to be up in the air”

    forever. read the “no closure” post…

    the more its up in the air, the more you’re leaving the door open for what you want to show up

    meanwhile – dont wait for a man, ever. not even 20 minutes

    Circular Date. that will shift everything.

  137.  #137Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    @101: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…I can remember when I got divorced at 49 and feeling this URGENCY that OMFG I am 50 next year and I am going to be on my own for EVER……..OMFG what will I do?? I have to meet somebody like NOW!!! …”

    I know, I know…. the things people say. And they think I think like them… I actually have heard and read the strangest things… insulting too… “I wouldn’t want to be alive if I were you”…kind of stuff… “I could never be happy…”
    I skipped over to “70” to see what it looks like.
    Cool… 8)

  138.  #138Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    I want Love.

  139.  #139Francesca on January 24, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Wow, SLV, what these people said to you is something else. Talk about missing a chance to just shut up if they haven’t anything nice to say.

    I’m curious…

    What did you reply?

  140.  #140Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    @Cat B – re #13

    How do feel about him being dismissive?

    It feels – yuck. Icky. Gross. I don’t want that. I want to be heard. I want to be felt. I want to be acknowledged. I want to be cherished. I feel frustrated, invisible, dismissed. I don’t like it.

    How do I feel about paying attention to his feelings?

    Well, not that bad, actually. When it came up, I realized that I kind of swallowed what I had going on and it just seemed that, whatever was going on for him in the moment was too huge for him to deal with me. So I let it go (kind of). And it didn’t feel too bad to be listening to him, because I’m used to it, and I kind of wanted to. But on the other hand, I was aware that I really needed some of the attention that he was asking from me.

    But then – devil’s advocate style – I have to wonder if it’s possible that I have been ignoring him? Have I been dismissing my feelings first and then his? Hm….will have to ponder this some more.

    Not saying it’s my fault. But if it bothers me, then it could be that there is something I need to notice about myself…that whole “taking responsibility” thing…

  141.  #141Camille on January 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Thank you for your response. And I get that, And I started Cding Saturday!

    I meant up in the air as far as his things being at “our” house. If hes moving out for sure. I don’t know how long I want his things around if hes truly leaving for good.

    (Thinking Outloud)
    I just feel funny around that.???? I’m angry thats how I feel why should he just get to leave and say im thinking about it while I look at all his stuff! Im not a storage shed, I dont want to be patient.

    OOOOhhh maybe this is a way that I think I can control the situation and his reactions or pressure him. Thinking I could call him and say “come get your stuff out of my house and yard”

    Yep I think this question in my head is a control thing….lean back think of myself and if he wants his stuff hell come get it. Men do what they want to do.

  142.  #142Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    @Brenda – Thanks for that. Yeah, loneliness is a big thing with him, too. He keeps talking about how he is lonely, and complaining to me that all his friends have hooked up and he just “wants someone.” And yet, there is nothing I can do. Here I am, talking to him online. And yet it doesn’t help him to feel less lonely. To me, it seems that he is choosing solitude. He is choosing loneliness – kind of like we do – not realizing it. But there again, I can’t really help him….*sigh*

    The fact is, I feel lonely, too. I just don’t feel like “dumping” my lonely feelings on someone else who can’t be reasonable expected to do anything about it.

  143.  #143Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    @108: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…I will be starting on Atkins at least I hope I will as I try to psyche myself up to no CARBS (nooo bread!!) …”

    Have you considered Suzanne Somers’s way of eating? Very low sugars and you can go down to NO added sugar if you choose but you get all the food groups, including fruits and whole grains. Recipes galore especially in the older books.

    Anyway I’ll catch your back and support whatever you do. I was soliciting some support and encouragement for “body work” but I caught an “odd job” kinda vibe on the blog. I get healthier and also lose 50 pounds.

    s’OK… I’m cool with it now. I’m very determined.

    James Bond: Goldfinger-Oddjob’s demonstration

    Yeah, I saw the original film… tee hee. good’un. Sean Connery.


  144.  #144Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Daria – Thanks for the response, and your translations into feeling messages. I actually don’t feel like it was too fear-based or worrying. I liked it. Unfortunately, I have sent the message already (and this after several hours of serious, heavy editing – if you think that was blamey, you should see the outtakes! Yikes!! lol)

    But here’s what I like:

    “I’m really sorry that you’re feeling crappy. I hear you. And.. I feel kinda defensive and like I’m being blamed. [Not quite accurate to how I was feeling, but maybe an appropriate one here.] I’m feeling a little pissed right now. I’m feeling a little unheard about my feelings. [DEFINITELY]

    I don’t want to be treated crappily. I don’t want to take care of a man emotionally… im just a girl here… I want my emotions to feel treasured and taken care of first. [That last part – yeah, definitely!!]

    I don’t want to date a guy that doesn’t put my emotions first. [Well, I’m not going to date him, so it’s a moot point – but talk to, maybe?]

    I feel open to talk to you when I’m feeling good and safe… what do you think? [yeah, for sure]


    I appreciate that a lot, and it feels good to see it written out that way. As written, I wouldn’t feel totally authentic about sending it. But maybe with a few tweaks of my own…I can always rewrite it for myself and do it differently next time!

    Maybe I could have done it better, but it was so important for me to get these things off my chest. I couldn’t concentrate on anything! 🙁

  145.  #145Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    I cut and pasted and somehow “want to get healthier and lose 50 pounds…” was abbreviated.

    … but maybe it’s a sign… the Universe considers it happening now. If not a done deal, it’s a happening deal.


  146.  #146Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    139: Francesca says:
    Wow, SLV, what these people said to you is something else. Talk about missing a chance to just shut up if they haven’t anything nice to say.

    I’m curious…

    What did you reply?

  147.  #147Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 4:30 pm


    Fu(ked up
    Neurotic and

    Kenny made up a new one for me:

    Naughty and

  148.  #148Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    @139: Francesca

    Oops 😳

    Reply? Those would be time wasters usually.

  149.  #149Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    @139: Francesca

    Oops 😳

    Reply? Those would be time wasters usually.

  150.  #150Daria on January 24, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Wow Camille that feels inspiring how honest you are with yourself

  151.  #151Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    #118 Mel

    I like the bargaining tool. 🙂

  152.  #152Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Okay, and now I just got the most angry email back from him. I feel bad about this. I feel shaky. He said he wants to end our email correspondence. I don’t like that. But I also don’t like that he said I “don’t have a right to be pissed” at him. What does that mean? I don’t even understand!

    I feel – a harsh, cold feeling around my head. I feel misunderstood, and it seems to me he is reacting hotly, and I don’t know why. Well, I might know why. Maybe I could have been “nicer.” But he wasn’t being very nice to me! now he is going to go around saying that I am “lunatic,” like the other women he branded “lunatics.” I knew this could happen any moment, at the drop of a hat. And I don’t want it to go this way.

    I need to think, before I respond. If I respond at all.

    I don’t understand fully where he is coming from.

  153.  #153Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    #137 SLV

    I now feel a little more like that Louis Armstrong song “We Have All The Time in The World” 😀

  154.  #154Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    Ugh. I am so hungry, I am starving. and shaky. So shaky…why is his affecting me so much? I want to cry.

    I want to eat, but the moment I put food in my mouth, it feels disgusting…

    Daria, I am going to try and compose something back to him that is more feeling-based.

    I don’t want to convince him of anything. I just want to express myself and be heard.

    Maybe this isn’t the right relationship. And maybe I knew all along that it would come to this. But I never saw this. Never in my dreams…well, definitely not in my dreams!

    And now I feel blindsided by all this. First, that lovely, wonderful, comforting dream. And now this harsh, cold reality.

    This is not a TEST. THis is an opportunity. An opportunity to go somewhere with all this that I haven’t gone before. I need to get comfy…and sit and feel my feelings….

  155.  #155Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    #143 SLV

    Thank you and I will support you too and yeah gotta love the original James Bond though Daniel Craig comes a pretty close second. 😉

  156.  #156Daria on January 24, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    dang i feel so disappointed

    this guy who was supposed to come through i guess his engine overheated

    i called 15 min after he was supposed to get here

    i feel so disappointed and mad – noticing im mad at other men too in my thoughts when they come up, not just him

    like irritated

    i wonder if i wouldve felt less mad to not have called (i think so)

    i felt scared tho to make other plans without calling since he was coming from outta town somewhat, well like an hour and a half away

    i dont want to do that to myself anymore

    now i have NVs telling me today is gonna be a no fun day

    i feel sad

    i dont want to have a no fun day

    i could call a guy back that just asked me what i was doing today and i said i wasnt free
    ctually 2 guys

    but i dont really want to call them back


    i am sitting with my feeling

  157.  #157Daria on January 24, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    im experimenting wearing the label “coward” as that is one of my most triggering ones


  158.  #158FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    Oh, ((((Daria))))—-Don’t think of it as cowardly—think of it as leaning back 😉

  159.  #159Daria on January 24, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    i feel glad i hung up on that guy when he asked me to hold on

    now im feeling calmer and more forgiving… engines overheat, someone might not think to call me right away

    i dont like it, but it can happen, i dont feel all punishing towards him as much

    i ate damn near Binged on steelhead fish and baked bellpeppers…


    i wonder if food is really desired or is it stuffing?

    it felt like my body really wanted the food…


    i walked and danced a lot yesterday… and just now took a long apple vinegar bath…

    nutrition yummy

    feeling a lil better

    still sad

    it must mean goddess has an even better idea of fun for me

  160.  #160Daria on January 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Flower Child – hmm nice concept…

    im just saying relating to the post in general, about wearing labels

    one i always fight against myself with is about cowardly

    and still your comment applies… im starting to see its ok and healthy to walk away

    theres no actual cowardice in existence just like theres no selfishness (i dont believe in it)

    im gonna notice when i label myself cowardly/weak/punky etc

    and just love it, not try to act like it doesnt exist… like Rori in the post

  161.  #161Daria on January 24, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    thank you for the hugs

  162.  #162Daria on January 24, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    So – now I wear a hundred nametags.

    Whatever I once accused myself of and tried to “fix” – I now just “wear.”

    And I do what I always do, I breathe and forgive myself for even THINKING there could be something “wrong” or “bad” in whatever nametag I “think” (or someone ELSE thinks) I “wear.”

  163.  #163Daria on January 24, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    im pushy, and a punk out, and one who chokes up in conflict, and annoying, not fun to be around, disgusting, sad, pathetic, a danger to my friends and family,


    frogive myself for even thinking there is somethign wrong with this

  164.  #164Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Oh Antonio Banderas man has kinda got a little mad at me cos I never replied right away to him LOL!! How funny are these guy!!

    Aww poor boy he must be so mad at this Siren. 😀

  165.  #165Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    He called me “Narcissistic” in his email!!!!

    Ah – I just got distracted by the pretty colors in the sunset…yay. 🙂

    But seriously. I think this would have to be an “I’m rubber, you’re glue” moment. Because if anyone is going to be engaging in name-calling, then I’m pretty sure the name just bounces off and sticks to the name-caller…

    Not cool. And *really* not mature.

    (And that rubber-glue thing is about at mature as the name-calling..)

    I asked him one time why he was still single. And I am truly beginning to see why. However…I still want to practice being “present” in any way I can. I won’t respond to the name-calling. I won’t get angry back. But I *will* express my true feelings….

  166.  #166Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Gosh…how can I express myself authentically and not a) kiss a** or b) be excessively mean or condescending?

    FMs I guess….whew. This is clearly a weak spot for me.

    I thought I was getting so much better at expressing them out in the world, with friends, etc. But when feelings and emotions get involved, it all seems to go out the window and not make sense…((hugs))

    I give me me-hugs.

  167.  #167Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    36 Mel – OMG you are my hero! I’m not sure I could’ve come up with a FM like that, but you did it and he responded beautifully! You have some such a long way! 🙂

  168.  #168Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    #166 Tiffany

    Just be authentic and true to yourself, no hidden agenda, just attached from the outcome…….

  169.  #169Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    On my way home to eat breakfast for dinner or maybe I’ll just hit of the McDonald’s on the way there…

  170.  #170Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 5:50 pm

    Oooops detached obviously……

  171.  #171Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    @168: Silver Moonbeam

    I think I will have Mickey D’s losing weight style.

  172.  #172Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    46 FW – You know, I kind of agree. I have a friend who’s son’s supposed to have ADHD. But he has absolutely NO problems focusing on computer games! He will sit there for hours playing and you won’t even know he’s there.

    So does that mean it’s ADHD only when he’s not doing what he wants to???


  173.  #173Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    #169 SLV

    Well as from Monday Macca’s is off the agenda for me, not that it was ever on the agenda LOL!!

  174.  #174Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    #46 & 173 re ADHD

    I too have a problem with all these labels, how come when I was at school nobody acted up in this way? I don’t know if it’s about food colourings or discipline but I sure know it’s quite a newish phenomenen.

  175.  #175Mel on January 24, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Awww, shucks…thanks Butterfly Wings! I feel all smiley now! 🙂

  176.  #176Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    108 Silver Moonbeam – you might want to look at the Insanity workouts too (you should be able to find them on Google). I have been doing it for only a month and am getting great results, even though I don’t really need to lose “weight” as such, but rather “fat”! But it seems i need to eat more because my weight keeps dropping!

    It also comes with a great menu plan. You have to eat 5 x per day (and you’re allowed bread!!!), and in the menu planner, you have 10 choices for each of your meals.

    So you basically have 50 choices of meals per day.

    And most of the recipes look yum!

    For breakfast today I had an omelet (2 eggs plus 2 egg whites) with spinach (their version had mushies), and one slice of whole grain toast with all-fruit preserves on it.

    Morning tea (which I just ate and it was delish!) was no-fat yogurt with an apple and walnuts mixed in. They say plain yogurt and add honey but I bought a banana and honey one and it was yummo!

    I’ll have a steak and salad wrap for lunch, then TH and I are indulging tonight so will eat whatever I want! 😀

    I’m not strictly following the eating plan and I allow myself at least two indulgences per week and the weight’s still coming off.

    Thought that might help – and the fact that I lost an inch off my waist and my hips in only two weeks! I’ve not weighed or measured myself in the last week or so though – but I KNOW the fat is coming off.

  177.  #177Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Oh and yes it’s tough, but you can go at your own pace and slowly build up. He keeps saying to slow down if you need to or take a rest when you need to.

    Totally worth it for me though. 🙂

  178.  #178Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    lol, Thanks, Moonbeam!:)

  179.  #179Zara on January 24, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    ***137: Senior Lady Vibe 
    101: Silver Moonbeam***


  180.  #180Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Uh…yeah, here’s the other thing. I still haven’t heard from K about Friday. We talked last week, and he said he wanted to hang out then. Sent him a quick email the other day, and he *still* hasn’t responded. I don’t know if it was a definite or a maybe. It felt definite, but I don’t want to assume. And maybe part of me is feeling kind of meh about it, because I’m not even sure what it is I want to talk to him about….

    But I will say this, whenever I check in with myself about him, I definitely still feel that there is something there, in my heart. I’m not sure what it is, or what it means, or even if it’s a good thing. But there is some-thing.

  181.  #181Luzydel on January 24, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I told him; I cried when I did, but I needed to let it out. Now I do not care if he contacts me again…well maybe I do, but there is nothing I can do to control that. I was feeling so tense around him, so jittery and fake.

    I told him that I was still feeling hurt for the things he told me once, that somehow those things changed me inside. That I was not looking for him to fix anything or do anything, but that I needed to let it out because it was not letting me move on to whatever is ahead of us, meaning being together again or go our separate ways.

    He told me he was really, really sorry for what he said that he cares about me etc. Now I feel so light inside, I can look at him and not feel so tense.
    Another step ahead for me…

  182.  #182Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 6:11 pm


    RE: #142 – It’s considered healthy to talk about inner feelings. But it is a social taboo to talk about loneliness. Oh well. It doesn’t change the fact that


  183.  #183mali on January 24, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Yes, own it Brenda! It may be a social taboo, but I LOVE people who are real about their emotions and feelings… We rock!!

  184.  #184Starla on January 24, 2012 at 6:59 pm

    Wowwwwwwww CF left me a beautiful voice message. It’s 2 minutes of sincere, wonderful compliments. I was having an awful day and I feel like there is someone in the world who sees me for who and what i am, and appreciates it and knows how to encourage it.

    And George Washington CD just emailed me a nervous, clever, page long request for another date.

    I feel so treasured and precious.

  185.  #185Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    A friend of mine just posted this on her FB wall and I thought it kinda related to someone in particular (you know who you are) and to all of us here:

    ‎”How does one become a butterfly?” she asked pensively.

    “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

    Deep huh? 😉

  186.  #186Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    Hi Brenda – I didn’t know it was a social taboo to speak about loneliness! I guess that’s why we have a million songs….

  187.  #187Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    BW – I love that from FB! So relevant to your name! 🙂

  188.  #188siren song on January 24, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    Sometimes I feel guilty about cding. I want to heal this. I feel bad when men get angry at me about it. I know this is coming up to be healed. They aren’t asking me to marry them, so I am going to keep cding. Sinking into this yucky guilty feeling…

  189.  #189Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Ok, I am going to rant here for a minute about Jc – this is so that I don’t *actually* rant to him, somehow, accidentally, by email….

    OMFG!! The man/boy fights like a freaking child!

    I mean, it’s not just the name-calling. He’s all, “I do this, and you never do that,” pointy-fingers, blame, blame, blame.

    Trust me, *I* am not the one being super blamey here. Not that I couldn’t have been more gentle in my message. But still. I don’t think what I said quite warranted the horrendous, deeply personalized response that it got. In no way, shape or form did he even ATTEMPT to give me credit for anything I *did* do that he asked for, nor did he take responsibility for anything he might have done or said that might have hurt my feelings. He simply said that I was 100% wrong, and that he was basically right.

    Right, right, right. All he wants to be is right….grrr. Well, if it’s so important to him. Humpf.

  190.  #190Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    He sounds like hard work Tiffany! Thank goodness you have us to vent to, otherwise I’d be letting him have it if I were you! lol

  191.  #191LILI 41 on January 24, 2012 at 7:33 pm


    Hi Starla,

    That’s what I did with my ex stalker: Ignored him.
    I deleted his texts without reading them and I stopped answering his calls.
    It took 2 years for him to stop, until he met my new B by fluke.
    He told D “you have a great lady, take good care of her.”
    He started seeing someone he’s really into and is finally leaving me alone.

  192.  #192Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    This bit resonated strongly because I used to be that caterpillar:

    “You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.”

    Sometimes it seems easier to stay the caterpillar than it is to become the butterfly, because becoming the butterfly means jumping out of your comfort zone and doing something you’ve not done before. It’s uncomfortable.

    Even though being the caterpillar totally sucks, you’re used to it, you’ve been one for so long, it’s “normal” to you… as much as you hate it…

    And one day something will spark a fire in you and you will finally believe that being the caterpillar is definitely NOT the way to live, and you finally become that beautiful butterfly! 🙂

  193.  #193FlowerChild77 on January 24, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    (((Brenda)))…I don’t think it’s taboo to talk about being lonely. I think it’s painful and self defeating to take those feelings to someone who is not able or willing to ‘go there’ with us.

    (I say this because you said, earlier, that you were lonely “for him” not for other human contact.)

  194.  #194Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:39 pm

    Cat Blue – what you wrote about your ex being selfish and constantly berating you for NOT listening to you – that really struck a chord with me.

    I’ve been listening to Jc all along! He is ALWAYS complaining about what is going on in his life. Sometimes telling me good stuff, too. But the fact is, I listen to him A LOT. And I listen well. I am non-judgmental. And I don’t try to offer advice or “help.” Yet now he tells me I don’t listen.

    However, that said, I am going to make an effort to listen to what it is he is telling me right now, and try to respond in a way that feels good to me…

  195.  #195tenny on January 24, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    I want to express my feelings to CD Song, I want to tell him how he makes me feel, but I don’t want to use the word “you.” I could only come up with words. Spoke to a sister siren on the phone to get her take on it. I feel scared of the love I see in his eyes, but when I’m not feeling scared, I feel such wonderful things, and they are there on the tip of my tongue, but I remain silent, knowing my eyes give me away. I feel


  196.  #196Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    @BW – lol. Yeah, I tried that! Well, sort of…But it did not go over well. I am not good at being angry!

    I suck at communicating anger. That’s my worst. Always, no matter who I’m talking to, if I say the words “I feel angry” or “I’m pissed” or any variation thereof, the next thing I know, I’ve really got it coming at me. Like if I thought I was angry, suddenly whoever I am talking to is 12 times angrier than I am – AT ME – for BEING ANGRY. Sheesh. This is the story of my life.

    I KNOW there is something in this I need to heal, I am just not sure exactly what yet. I have worked so hard to be “less angry.” But I can’t BE less angry if I’m angry. If I am angry, I’m angry, right? How is it anybody else’s job to tell me the rightness or wrongness of how I feel????

    And forget expressing it…hm. Well, maybe I just need to go punch a pillow or something…

  197.  #197Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    BTW, Brenda – yes I *did* make up the worrier/warrior thing! Maybe I should trademark it! lol I don’t even know what it means…it was just coming to me on the spot. !

  198.  #198Starla on January 24, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    awww i just hung up from a nice convo with CF, and now he’s texting me nice things.

    a few days ago, i used rori’s tools and feeling messages during a very tense moment with him, to let him know how good it feels when he leads, and that i TRUST him to lead (after demonstrating it repeatedly by not overfunctioning, too!), and he just turned it around immediately once he “got” it.

    I feel really safe and taken care of.

    I feel so grateful for Rori’s tools…you really can have the relationship you want with them.

    *lovey sigh*

  199.  #199Starla on January 24, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    i am releasing this MyGuy stuff. that is the lesson here.

    to let the guilt go. and to let it go without righteous indignation. let it go to keep my vibe right.

  200.  #200Turquoise on January 24, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Feeling very, very sad tonight. When I got separated we had two 1 year old golden retrievers. My ex kept 1 and the other went to en employee of my inlaws. I couldn’t keep her, we were staying with my mom and she didn’t want a dog, plus I knew I’d be renting and usually you can’t have a pet. My girls were so small, I felt overwhelmed with a fiesty one year old, large dog who needed lots of exercise. Well, about 7 months after we separated, my ex volunteered to go to Iraq, thinking it would be a 6 month assignment. It ended up being 16. He left the male with a friend, but it wasn’t working out, so his mom found another temporary home for him a few weeks after he left. When he got back, the dog was deeply attached to the new family, and he was moving to DC, no way he could have a large dog. The woman who fostered him wanted to keep him, and she became like family, so he still gets to visit with the male when he’s in town. He texted me tonight to tell me the dog has 4-6 months to live. He has a 7 inch tumor on his spleen. If it burst before that, he’ll die immediately.
    I feel so wretchedly awful. I feel so sad for the dog, he’s an absolute sweetheart and a gorgeous, gentle creature. I feel exceptionally guilty, as this is another being that was harmed by my marriage falling apart. He had a good home, but they fed him too much people food, he didn’t get enough exercise, they just didn’t take the same care of him that we did. I know it doesn’t do any good to wonder what if… but if he’d had a healthier diet, or if we’d had him and taken him to a vet sooner, maybe we could have helped him.

    This is the first event that I’ve been seriously upset about in a long time…. I am sinking into my feelings, with tears streaming down my face, my heart hurts. I haven’t told the girls yet, still feeling hopeful C will take him to a different vet, that he could have surgery, be saved.

    I don’t know what my ex is feeling, beyond sad, as he sent me a few texts, but I didn’t speak to him. Even though he isn’t “our dog” anymore…. but hearing that he is sick, brings up a lot of old memories, and feelings…. knowing my failed marriage changed all our lives so much.

    My sadness feels like my throat burning, wanting to swallow with no relief.

    My sadness feels like cool tears sliding down my face, one following the next, I don’t even care to wipe them away.

    My saddness feels like sore eyes, a lump in my throat, and shallow breathing.

    My sadness feels like guilt and disappointment in myself, reminding me of all the “should haves, if only’s, I wonder whats…”

    My sadness feels a little worried. What else will go wrong? Did I have too much happy lately? Will C be ok? He’s been sad lately too, I feel it in his voice, I see it in his eyes. Will his guilt bring back old emotions for him too? Will he withdraw again? I feel terrible for L too… she fostered our lovely dog, fell in love with him, and now she’ll lose him.

    I feel sad, disappointed, guilty, sick… blah.

  201.  #201Butterfly Wings on January 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    (((Turquoise))) I’m not sure there’s anything I can say that would make you feel better. I love dogs too and can only try to imagine how awful I would feel if my dog ended up in the same situation, so I’m just gonna send you a hug from down under and tell you to focus on how happy he’s been, with a family who loves him – that’s what really matters. xxx

  202.  #202Turquoise on January 24, 2012 at 8:16 pm


    Sorry to hear your ex is being a pain. I’d give some variation of this.

    Dear ______,

    I feel frustrated that my wishes to not be contacted are not being respected. I have forgiven what happened, and am moving on with my life. Continuing to discuss the past, feels bad, and I don’t want to do anything that feels bad any longer. I don’t feel it’s good for either of us to focus on the past. I am sorry that things worked out the way they did, but I feel confident that something better is ahead for each of us.

    Take care,


    Wow… really hard to leave the word you out!

  203.  #203Starla on January 24, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Thank you for feeding me peas and meatballs
    thank you for taking me to the gym to work out my frustrations
    thank you for filing that paperwrok
    thank you for being brave in telling cf about my bad day. i know it is hard to vent to men and very triggering, but we did it!
    thank you for buying me wonderful water to drink
    thank you for taking nice care of me.

    let’s go read a book and drift off to sleep.

  204.  #204Starla on January 24, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    ohhh turquoise, you are so sweet to take the time to help me even though you are feeling bad yourself.

    ohhh sweet turquoise. i’m feeling SO cared for, thank you.

  205.  #205Turquoise on January 24, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Thanks Butterfly Wings. I appreciate it, and he was very loved and very happy in his new home. She was a dog groomer, so he got to go to work with her, be around other dogs… he was happy. He had a fenced in yard, slept in bed with her and her husband… and had two other dogs at home to play with. He is such a sweetheart of a dog. My ex wanted a dog to run with him… instead we got this big baby with warm golden fur, who would get to the edge of the yard and sit down… the female was much more athletic and fiesty, just like her darker red coat. 🙂 It feels good to remember them as puppies…. just the cutest things ever. We also bought them at a terrible time. A dear friend was killed in Afghanistan. We travelled 10 hours to be at the memorial and show our support to his wife, one of my dearest friends and their two children. Amid all that grief, we found a golden retriever breeder and had dozens and dozens to choose from. We picked the male, but the female chose us… we only planned on getting one, but the little red female was so darling, we couldn’t leave without her. I still miss having them, even though we have a miniature schnoodle… who is a complete love bug.

  206.  #206Starla on January 24, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    team stop procrastinating
    need to get off the computer and brush teeth/wash face/all that nice stuff!!

    be back to report!

  207.  #207Turquoise on January 24, 2012 at 8:33 pm

    Thank you Starla… sounds like you’ve had some wonderful and stressful days recently. I’ve been thinking about you a lot and feel confident everything will work out really well. I feel inspired by the growth I’ve seen since summer, and really encouraged that I can get my finances in such good order. XOXO

  208.  #208Turquoise on January 24, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Get my finances in such good order as you have Starla…

  209.  #209Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 8:48 pm


    RE: #186 – You said you didn’t talk about your loneliness.

  210.  #210Starla on January 24, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    I feel soooo good having them in order, like there’s a soft, safe place for all the money that’s coming my way to land.

  211.  #211Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 8:49 pm


    RE: #197 – I love it! I want to be a Warrior.

  212.  #212Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    Hi Starla – This is pretty old news by now (things happen fast on the blog!), but I wanted to say thank you for sharing that letter that your ex/MyGuy wrote to you.

    What struck me the most about it was how much it sounded like – well, I don’t know about you gals – but at least some of the monologue that goes on in my head about guys if they do a similar thing to me. Like making justifications, and saying (or at least wanting to say), “I’d just like to see you to say blah, blah, blah. I just want to know why…” etc.

    And it struck me even more how useless it is! And of course, you are terribly annoyed by it all. So I guess, when we’re being like that – beating a guy’s door (or cell phone) down, because we just want to say “one more thing,” or wanting to have “closure” etc. – that’s what it looks like!

    Wow. What a mirror.

    Thank you for sharing that!

  213.  #213Turquoise on January 24, 2012 at 8:54 pm


    I can’t wait until my extra money isn’t going to credit card bills and car repairs.

    I did get a really great piece of news… my nephew is getting married and when he was planning the menu with the caterer, he told her I make candy and will be doing all the candy for their wedding. She said she’d be very interested in getting my business cards and that she is the exclusive caterer for that location and could get me a lot of business!!!! My candy business has taken a back seat since I moved, just too busy. BUT, life is slowing down a bit and I’ve been wondering about what I could do to generate more income on a regular basis. I’m very excited to go talk to her, see what might materialize! 🙂

  214.  #214Starla on January 24, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    Turquoise, I’m so sorry about your dog! You are actually the 3rd person today to tell me about their suddenly very sick dog, which is really strange, but it shows me that dogs do just get sick…it just happens (or doesn’t) even when we try to prevent it (or don’t), like it happens with all living creatures. Any clarity the dog’s illness brings to the topic of your marriage and how it fell apart should not be taken lightly and is a gift in this whole sad mess of his illness, but really it’s a coincidence that the dog that came out of your failed marriage got cancer. Sooo not your fault, turquoise.

    I’m sure you probably realize this already, though. But I want to give you some support around this, in case.

  215.  #215Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    Brenda – Yay, warrior sirens!

    I think I said what I said about loneliness was that I prefer not to talk about it much. I did talk about it once with Jc (after he mentioned his own feelings). I am sure that I have talked about it before. I don’t see it as a bad thing, per se, or like a taboo – it might be. Talking about it sometimes seems to create more loneliness. I am VERY lonely. A lot. And I don’t like being lonely, but I do enjoy solitude.

    I think my point was, I don’t want to be hanging out with a guy and say, for example, “I’m lonely,” apropos of nothing. It would be like an invitation for cheap sex. I think we are *all* a little bit lonely. It is part of the human condition, and keeps us searching for company.

    To talk about real loneliness is fine. But to say it to someone out of the blue could seem or look like an invitation to have them fill your loneliness. So I believe it should be used with caution….

  216.  #216Starla on January 24, 2012 at 8:57 pm

    Tiffany, at the rate things happen on this blog, I don’t consider anything “old news” until about 700 posts, haha.

    i’m happy to share. i share just about every romantic challenge i encounter on this blog, even the really ugly stuff, so i’m glad it is of value at times!

  217.  #217Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    Turquoise – that sounds so awesome about the candy business! And I’m impressed that you can do that – it sounds so difficult. But also rewarding, I’m sure!

  218.  #218Turquoise on January 24, 2012 at 8:59 pm

    I agree Tiffany, I thought the same thing, about it being a mirror. Thank you Starla for sharing!

  219.  #219Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Turquoise 213, that feels so exciting to read!

    I was feeling blocked on income/more money coming my way the other night, but then I had clear sources of money appear right before me! That I actually had access to the whole time!

    There is so much opportunity and abundance everywhere. It could be anything – stuff to sell on craigslist, starting a coin jar, finding extra work, calling the cable company to see if they’ll lower your bill…

    so many simple things to increase how much money we have.

  220.  #220Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    Okay, so I’ve written out (I think) a pretty good response to Jc. It’s a bit long, so I don’t know if I want to cut it down. But I don’t want to leave anything out, either – I’ve already edited out a lot…

    I am just going to let it sit and percolate overnight before I send it, so I can get some rest and see it with fresh eyes in the morning. I’ll do the “FM” test – check every statement and see if it’s a feeling message, or if it’s in any way blamey or thinky. And if I still feel good about the letter, then I’ll send it.

    meanwhile, I wanted to say it felt so scary to be called a narcissist. That’s a really big fear for me. I’ve wondered before if I had that problem, and I told my therapist at the time, who said that a narcissist would never say something like that. The real narcissist in my life is my mother, and that’s for certain. She *definitely* would never say that about herself! lol. She thinks she is the most generous person ever. but she is so stingy. And she never – EVER – listens. Even when you are talking to her, it is like talking to a cement wall. She’ll parrot back what you say, but it doesn’t really sink in. Okay, I’ll give her some credit – she’s getting better. But it’s still like pulling teeth to talk to her, and I swear that even if she does listen, she still really only uses that to bolster her ego.

    Being raised by a narcissist obviously means that I’ve probably absorbed some of her unhealthy habits…

    It’s so weird how this person I have never met, and only emailed with has triggered so much in me about both my parents (he was reminding me of my dad not so long ago).

    So, okay. I still need to heal something about those relationships in me.

    And I can’t believe I’ve spent so much time on the blog today. But I really needed this. I needed to write this all out and process what was going on. I feel so grateful for the blog right now. And I feel so – SO – much better than I did this morning. Thank goodness!

    Hopefully, I will get a good night’s sleep and tackle more stuff in the morning!

  221.  #221Tiffany on January 24, 2012 at 9:15 pm

    Oh, and, speaking of tomorrow – I feel like glowing about this a little: Tomorrow evening, I am going to a women’s business meeting near where I live, where we are hosting – get this – SARK *and* Amy Ahlers. Yeah, I’ll be chillin’ with them. How awesome is that?? I’m sure I don’t even know yet how awesome it is going to be…. 🙂

  222.  #222Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    Team stop procrastinating
    I gave myself a well deserved facial instead of just passing out without taking care of myself:)

    now i want to stay on the blog but i’m just procrastinating some really needed beauty sleep.

    goodnight sirens. leaving much love behind tonight. xxoo

  223.  #223blue rose on January 24, 2012 at 9:22 pm

    #99: Rori Raye

    there is a hotline: 1-800-suicide

    or call 911.

  224.  #224Starla on January 24, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    You are so not a narcissist, girl. i’m not a professional but i find that the ones who scream “narcissist” at others are generally freaking narcissists. he sees you trying to protect and care for yourself and feels resentful and threatened.

    also, plenty of us raised by narcissists have tendencies, because u have to take a narcissist stance at times to protect yourself from them…but we are aware of the tendencies as adults, and better, are working to stop them with an open mind and heart and commitment to enlightenment and happiness, and we live joyful lives in the end for the journey.

    You sound so brave and good. I’m glad you tried telling him how you were feeling. It really made his true colors come right out. yuck.

  225.  #225Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 10:04 pm


    RE: #200 – I feel sad with you. Now that you have a house, could you care for the dog in his last days?

    I know a lot of people would disagree, but here is my theory: I think a lot of dry dog food is very low quality and is causing tumors in dogs left and right. I had two dogs die of tumors.

    Then I found a naturopathic vet who brought one of my dogs back from death’s doorstep. He had liver and kidney failure. The vet (quantumvets dot com) “prescribed” raw hamburger and nine supplements.

    The dog went from barely eating, drinking, or going to the bathroom to doing all three. Within two weeks, he was shiny and energetic.

    The vet showed me a picture of a wolf on a magazine cover with his mouth open, saying, “Do you see any plaque on his teeth? He eats what a carnivore is naturally intended to eat: raw meat. They also eat the bones and the contents of the stomach of their prey. They can’t live on meat alone, like cats can.”

    I now feed my two German Shepherds a lot of raw meat. A friend from Russia said that there is no such thing as dog food in Russia. All dogs get “people food”, and they live to be 20-25.

  226.  #226Brenda on January 24, 2012 at 10:06 pm


    RE: #215 – That sounds healthy. When I say lonely, I am more talking about soul loneliness than sexual loneliness.

  227.  #227Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    @173: Silver Moonbeam says:
    “…#169 SLV
    Well as from Monday Macca’s is off the agenda for me, not that it was ever on the agenda LOL!! …”

    TWO MacDoubles, no catsup. Throw away all four nasty white buns, add slices of fresh tomato and onion, wrap in curly green lettuce leaves. A bit of mayo or special sauce (mayo with no-sugar-added salsa and dot of Dijon mustard)

    Lots of cucumber slices with EVOO vinaigrette and/or green beans vinaigrette.

    Rootbeer floats….. ( I only had lemonade because I need a blender!)


  228.  #228Senior Lady Vibe on January 24, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    @179: Zara says:
    “…***137: Senior Lady Vibe
    101: Silver Moonbeam***

    Thanks! I look forward to watching later this morning when I can get the fast signal. JF was on a recent Dr. Oz tv show but I only saw the last couple of seconds.

  229.  #229Silver Moonbeam on January 24, 2012 at 11:54 pm

    #28 April Rose

    “Like the rose petal soft sand fairy dust shores to which no man, no label, no emotion gets trapped.

    Flowing to and fro and between……
    Endless mystery, fun, fascination…….”

    I love this. 🙂

  230.  #230Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 12:03 am

    #176 BW

    Sounds good and well done, but I will be doing Atkins (she says still trying to psyche herself up) after reading that online book it all just makes so much sense.

    I think your diet would be OK if you didn’t have much to lose like yourself, but I need to lose about 30lbs a lot of which has slowly crept back on me since I moved back to the UK, all those yummy cakes, biscuits and chocolates……….:(

  231.  #231Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 12:06 am

    #137 Zara

    Thanks I will check it out later.

    Now there is one helluva good looking older woman, I know she has had some surgery, but still….

  232.  #232Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 12:34 am

    #192 BW

    Me likey this analogy.

    Yes it is scary to creep out of your cocoon, for sure.

  233.  #233Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 12:52 am

    #211 Brenda

    If you want to be a Warrior, then be one!! We can choose any role we like and get to be whoever we decide to be.

    It’s all up to you sister. 😀

  234.  #234Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 12:56 am

    #227 SLV

    Wow you better not come here we don’t even have half of those ingredients LOL!!

    Catsup = tomato ketchup – we call tomato sauce 🙂

    EVOO vinagraite, never heard of it lol!!

    No rootbeer here at Macca’s either.

    I am not really a fast food kind of person to be honest, except maybe fish, chips and mushy peas with loads of salt and vinegar, oh wow I am salivating thinking of that!!

  235.  #235Cat Blue on January 25, 2012 at 2:14 am

    52: StarlaNo Gravatar says:

    Cat Blue, I am angry because we’ve been over this more than once since August. I told him what the deal was when he came back to me 2 months after dumping me by unfriending me without a word on facebook. I thought everything was resolved. Then I ran into him one night and he asked for me to give him another chance. I said no. he said he hates me and sped off in his car. He left me standing there alone at 2 am in the middle of a bad neighborhood.

    Ah, I see what you mean. Sounds horrendous and I can understand why you don’t want any contact with him. Yuck.

  236.  #236Daria on January 25, 2012 at 2:40 am

    do i be ‘right’ or be ‘happy’ about the mystery of EVOO vinagrette

  237.  #237Daria on January 25, 2012 at 2:45 am

    ok congratulations daria youre home

    i had a first meeting with someone and i did not push to have him stay longer

    i felt MORE relaxed taht way actually.

    noticing i do not desire to call and hang out at T-mans house

    no mas i felt turned off last time

    also CD from last nite who i gave the 5 dollars to hasnt called

    i grt the impression he thatough *I* was selfish and i fell into a funk for awhile but now realizing

    i want to be more PROUD and SELF ASSURED that i dont pay on dates, and that this is GOOD

    and this was a wayh for me to see

    whats going on with me )))

    AH YES

    progress —

    todays meeting i coulda spaced out but i insisted on eye contact

    usually i let it go cuz im “shy” but now i really want to practice and notice how much more safe and connected i feel when i look them in the eye when they’re flirting with me or even when i feel embarassed

    aslo said something defensive to him and saw him withdraw.. asked are you amd, he said no, but i could tell it actually AHD bothered him im like whoa guys are sensitive

    and waht it was was ME had gottent defensive!

    instead of fming and telling the real



    im progressing and taking some Big and Subtle babysteps that will make a huge difference for me

    now off to tout my new advantage – i dont pay on dates!! this is my new good and attracting quality and i intend to talk to men happily and directly about it’


    i will be That woman that feels entitled to be treated well on dates!

  238.  #238Ella on January 25, 2012 at 2:49 am

    Love this post.

    I am going to wear the nametag ‘sl8t’ today.

    He he 🙂

  239.  #239Ella on January 25, 2012 at 2:52 am

    Great Big Sl8t.

    Yep, wearing it wih pride.

    This label is the scariest one for me… I want to own it.

    Daria – I still want you to design a clothes line with it written on…


  240.  #240mali on January 25, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Sl8t… I love it! What an awesome tag 😉

  241.  #241mali on January 25, 2012 at 3:33 am

    Day #3

    Dear Universe, I intend that on Valentines Day, I will be on a date with MedCD and A.
    One after another.

    I can feel the excitement of having MedCD in my life. And I can taste the hot chocolate I’ll drink when I’m on my date. Almond syrup… yum 🙂 I can feel the excitement of flirting with him, and the deliciousness of being feminine and leaning back… basking in myself. Feels so good!! And he’s so hot!

    A… he’s come down to see me. And I feel so flattered and like such a siren.
    I can feel his charm… and I feel so comfortable, and cherished and loved. He is such a gentleman… and the fact that he knows that I like him.. it means I feel so free… the energy is just flowing.

    I’m having fun working at _______. I knew I’d get the job there. And my body: WOW. I feel so sexy and sleek and like such a SIREN!

    Universe, I trust you. Thankyou for having my back!

  242.  #242Daria on January 25, 2012 at 3:55 am

    “i am not as alpha as my sister” and guys notice this and treat her better and me as less worthy

    it happend with ny cd

    it ‘happens’ when i get ‘punked’ in public or in front of my CD

    it shows my weakness and my ‘low’ social status

    stuff i want to tap on

  243.  #243Daria on January 25, 2012 at 3:57 am

    i had a realization that today with CD i reacted defensively >>> disconnect

    so im committing to not criticizing anymore

    wearing my labels and forgivving myself for even THINKING there could be somethign wrong bad about being

    “cold” or “ruthless” or “weak” or “pushy”

    yum me

  244.  #244Daria on January 25, 2012 at 3:58 am

    i had an instnat o the no n critical state of mind and i felt so safe!

    i want to keep on to that!

  245.  #245Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 4:04 am

    Good morning Sirens!!!

    Hehe guess what girls? I think so much about speaking in feeling messages lately that I had a dream in feeling messages last night! Haha too funny!!! 🙂

    Silver Moonbeam – sorry that Mr Antonia was not your style 🙁

    Tiffany – I got your email. I couldn’t respond yesterday cause I was too busy at a conventum AND being a siren (hehe) but I will answer tonight and send you all the infos I have for you!

    I had a fun siren story, don’t have time to write it now because I have to run to get ready for work, but I’ll try to write it while in the bus a little later.

    xoxo Sirens!!!! 😀

  246.  #246Daria on January 25, 2012 at 4:06 am

    theres no need to be “accurate” or correct or criticize

    tweak? we’ll see how it all plays out – for now, encouragement!

  247.  #247Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 4:06 am

    Oups Silver Moonbeam, that was I typo, I did NOT mean to say Mr Antonia. Lol lol. Mr Antonio, of course. 🙂

    And don’t worry, there is older and taller Mr. Antonios. And they don’t all probably live in Portugal!

  248.  #248Daria on January 25, 2012 at 4:12 am

    Daria you are teh bomb!

    you do so many nice things for me!

    lean back my energy and reframe swtich perspective when i had thrown myself off the bridge

    put focus on me and my deserving everything i want no matter what someone else woudl THINK about its appropriateness

    thank you for brushing my teeth

    thank you for brushing my hair

    thank you for smoking my joint

    thank you for making eye contact with men and smiling

    inspired by rori sying be wamr to him smile at him


    thank you for insisting on food

    thank you for asking for dollars in a feeling message way!

    thank you for commiting to encouragement

    than you for takniga na bath

    thank you for noticint i feel slepey

  249.  #249Emmie on January 25, 2012 at 4:30 am

    So sorry for what I’m about to write….

    I have had a shocking day. Everything was going ok. I went on a date with this guy I really liked online- he seemed perfect for me, but then when we met something didn’t feel right, we didn’t click. Now he really likes me, is wanting to take down his online profile because I have (I only did because I don’t feel comfortable being on an online site) and he keeps messaging me. It feels nice that he likes me, but I’d be more than happy to walk away now and this makes me feel sad for him.
    WHen I got home I was feeling as though I wanted to go out so I rang my two best friends (they are boys). But both were heading to the gym with my ex and didn’t want to do anything tonight because they are having a big day tomorrow for Australia day. A party at another of my best friends house (another guy) which I have not been invited to because my ex will be there. This made me feel so lonely and secluded.

    I don’t know what went through my head but I decided to consult a pyschic to answer some of my questions. In the end I thought it was a load of trash because everything he said was general although he did say that My ex was never coming back and made an interesting comment that he is suffering but is being vindictive and is trying to steal something off someone (i put this down to either the dog we share which he has taken from me and I’ve no idea if/when she will be back and im 2 grand in debt for vet bills from when she was hit by a car…but also I have this feeling he is ‘seeing’ my ex best friend who I got rid of two years ago because she was telling him all these lies about me and trying to sleep with him). However, he did say that the date 12th of feb (i’d set for me and my ex to meet again if ‘we felt any love or another possibility’) was going to be a success and i’d see my dog again – I didn’t tell him either of these things had anything to do with my ex so I was confused by him saying my ex would never come back, but yet the two things my ex may be involved in were to happen….so this made me feel RUBBISH and I was feeling really depressed. My friend rang me, who’d id spoken with earlier and told me to come over so I went to their house and put on a brave happy face….half way through the night my ex rang them both to find out what time they were going to the party tomorrow. This made me feel awful and I made the mistake of asking if the girl would be there and also made a comment about how hurt I felt that I wasn’t invited. One of the guys said ‘well all you’d do is fight anyway’ and I replied ‘it still hurts im not allowed to be with my friends tomorrow’ and he replied ‘ well i cant do anything about that’….my heart sunk. I feel awful!!!!!

    I feel so confused, so hurt, im half way between tears and anger. Why does my ex get to have EVERYTHING. my dog, the job i got him, the friends i made and shared with him, the power and control over my feelings. I want to hate him so badly!!

    And it’s topped with more confusion because yesterday he changed his profile picture on facebook to a picture I know he likes and he initiated indirect communication (he unfriended me on fbook) through a comment that I had liked…and I know him, I know this isn’t coincidental. And im hanging onto it to make me happy, but now I feel awful.

    I’m sorry to write this here…I have no one else I can tell about it and I just feel so cheated and used and not seen for who I am. I AM A KIND PERSON, I AM LOVING, I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM…

    I dodn’t really want to hear how awful he is, I know it annd I can see it….but I also know he is a gentleman, and he is kind and loving and I messed up….I made the mistakes that sent him away and yes his actions have been awful since the break up…but….oh i dont know… I really want to crawl into a hole and never come out. It hurts so much….

    I am so sorry to write this here. I just don’t feel very sireny and I need some advice, please. Do i follow my instincts that I AM POSITIVE he will be back…do i follow the bloody stupid psychic i consulted, do i keep my word and not make contact when all i want to do is show him im hurting and i love him and i am changing for me, for the better….all i want is him to hug me and tell me it will be ok.


  250.  #250Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 4:30 am

    #247 Lizka

    Oh I just found his reply sooo funny, cos you know I am such a Siren I don’t reply back to men right away LOL!!

    Here it is. 🙂

    its ok B…i could see by your late reply that you are also too busy…anyway it was always a pleasure to exchange some words with you…all the best babe…just to let you know that i go to England thousands of times as my Brother live there…lol lol


    jose alberto x x

  251.  #251Emmie on January 25, 2012 at 4:31 am

    oh gosh – i just realised how long that was…im so sorry, i am rambling…i just feel awful tonight and i wish i was able to control myself more…at least I am doing it here and not down a phone line to him…

    sorry x

  252.  #252mali on January 25, 2012 at 4:34 am

    MALI, you are SUCH a Siren! 😀

  253.  #253Emmie on January 25, 2012 at 4:35 am

    * facebook pic that HE knows I like, not the otherr way around , typo mistake 😀

    wow. i do feel better writing this down and letting it out. sorry to take up so much space

  254.  #254Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 4:36 am

    #249 Emmie

    Do you have the e-book? It’s only $20 USD and well worth the small price for the aha moments.

    If you can’t afford any of the programmes at the moment then I would go to the sidebar at the right hand side of this page and start READING up on what to do until one of the wiser Sirens shows up to answer you.

    Take care and try and have a good(ish) day tomorrow for Australia Day.

  255.  #255Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 4:38 am

    #251 Emmie

    ABSOLUTELY no need to apologise for the length of your post at all.

  256.  #256Emmie on January 25, 2012 at 4:40 am

    @ silver moonbeam – i do have the ebook…but when i read through it (i know im meant to DO it) it felt more for people IN relationships…and well, im not…and also im trying to avoid it because it gives me hope…hope is a hard feeling to have if it’s balanced against uncertainty…do you suggest I go back through it?

  257.  #257Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 5:02 am

    Hi Brenda,

    I would like to have the dog if he’s being treated and could recover, but I don’t believe the current owner would want to give him up. She really does love him, and I believe she’s not working right now, so he’ll have someone with him practically 24 hours a day. If it was just to bring him here to die, to wait for his tumor to burst, I wouldn’t do that to my children. I work full time, so he’d be here all day by himself, and if something happened, and they came home after school to a dead dog, it would feel very traumatic, and so scary. I also wouldn’t want them to get more attached, they’ve had a lot of loss to deal with in their short lives.

  258.  #258Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Team Stop Procrastinating….

    I have been, the last two days~! Ugh, but back on track. Last night I unloaded all the stuff I got from my stepmom, which had still been sitting in there since Sunday night. Normally when I get my oldest up for the bus, I lay back down for about 20 min. while she gets dressed. This morning I came downstairs, did some laundry, took out the trash, washed my dishes and put a bunch of stuff away. It feels soooooo good to see clean, flat surfaces in my home, and only took about 40 min. When I get home from work today I will vacuum, dust and start unpacking the stuff I got from my step mom, which is all still down in the gameroom.

    I can’t stay and chat this morning, need to get my youngest up, ready for school and drop her off on my way to work. I still feel very sad about the dog, but not as badly as I did last night. It’s not my fault he’s sick, I won’t blame myself, he’s a wonderful animal and I hope something can be done to help him. I pray my ex will have better news when I next hear from him.

    Make it a great day sirens!!!

  259.  #259Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 5:12 am

    250 Silver MoonBeam

    No way?! Didn’t I said something the other day about his brother or sister living in England?! Wow!! I feel impress (by myself), lol!

    I must do clairvoyance or something… Hehe, just kidding.

  260.  #260Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 5:18 am

    Emmie 256


    When I read the ebook, I also thought that they were tools for girls in relationship too. My opinion is that in the book, Rori put the accent on women in relationship and gives a lot of ”marriage” issues, wich did not applied to me.

    But I came here anyway and I spent a lot of time reading how the other single sirens were using the tools and that’s how I learned that the ebook (and probably all the programms) ARE NOT meant to be read only by married women and that the advices can be use by everyone. Really. Maybe EVEN MORE, by single gals.

    So I suggest you take some time reading how all of us (specially the single ones) are using the tools in our lifes. 🙂

  261.  #261mali on January 25, 2012 at 5:29 am


    My friend left some money for me on the table a few days back for the rent (my father is the landlord), and I was to pass it onto him. The money was lying there yesterday afternoon according to my other flatmate, but wasn’t there in the evening. I left in the morning for university, and so when I looked the table yesterday, I saw that the money wasn’t there.

    So where has the money gone?! Apparently it was there yesterday, it wasn’t there at night…. And my housemates don’t know what’s happened to it.
    Logically I can’t understand.
    Emotionally I’m scared, because that’s rent money for my father.

    Erm… oh dear.

  262.  #262Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Soooo! The story!!!

    When we had our office Christmas party, I met this cute guy from another branch of the company. We talked but I was just a little siren in that time and I was not very Rori experimented. Lol. He added me on facebook (or I did?) but we never talked. Oh yeah I think one day he invited me to a party where he was mixing (he’s a DJ too) but I never answered because it sounded like he send this to many people (even if my name was in the message. Anyway, just didn’t feel like it.

    And yesterday we had a big conventum and I saw him. Actually, HE saw me. He was talking to another girl but he waves at me. And later, at the cocktail, I was at the bar, talking with some other collegues, and he came. And we talked for about an hour! And we (I believe) flirted… I was so much more sireny than last time. I think he was impressed. I practiced some tools but it was hard because I have had a little alcohol. Anyway, he said he would invite me to one of his party and later he said we’ll sre each other soon anyway. I said “Yeah, at the next Christmas party!” and he did a cute face that sounded like “no, way before”.

    Anyway, what I am really proud of is, it’s that when I felt that the conversation was going down, instead of staying and taking the chance that he says “that’s it” and goes talk to other people, I grabbed one of my collegue and said we were going to go smoke and I escaped.

    Later that night, I saw him looling at me. Yay… We’ll
    See what happen… I don’t really mind if I don’t see him again, but it would be fun! 🙂

  263.  #263Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Emmie I agree with Lizka also you can watch the little Rori videos on here and youtube and get your little aha moments from there and you will see where you have probably going about things the wrong way, the way we were taught that was how women are supposed to act………until we arrived here onto Siren Island and learnt that there are better ways.

  264.  #264Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 5:38 am

    #259 Lizka

    Oh yes oh clairvoyant one, can you please read my future (and make it a good one!!) 😀

  265.  #265Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2012 at 5:53 am

    @132 Tiffany – aw, glad you figured out my screen name! (I cleared it up for a bunch of people in a previous thread and it definitely produced some giggles.) It feels really good to know that you found my post helpful. 🙂 I hope you feel better about the JC situation. If nothing else, he can be good practice for you, and maybe help you figure some things out. But don’t feel afraid to wait for what you feel like is “real.” You deserve it! <3

  266.  #266Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 5:54 am

    Ohhhh!! And also, during one of the presentation, I felt sleepy so I started going through the pictures
    in my phone an I found a pic of the citizenship card of S. Lol. I took it that night when he came meet me at one of my office party we had in December. The night we ended up together. Justfor you to remember,S and I have “lightly” dated in 2007 and then we become friends. He is E’s best friend too.

    So I took that picture because, hum hum, he is very young on the picture and has long hair and… Well isn’t too cute on it. So we were drunk amd we both made fun of the card that night (he actually started), so when he didn’t look, I took a pic.

    And yesterday, almost 2 months later, I found it.

    So I sent him the picture in text message and wrote “I’ll use it against you onr day”

    And he was like “hey how did you get this picture” haha and I explained and I thought it would have end there but no! He started chatting with me and asked questions about work, my trip, my weekends! Yay!

    And for probably the first time, I FEEL VERY PROUD THAT I ANSWERED ALMOST ONLY IN FMs!!! Wouhou sireny me!!!! And once he sent me a mesaage that was not a question and instead of trying to pick up the converdation by trying to find something to say (that often feels awful!), I just turned my attention back to the presentation and didn’t abswer. That’s right, I let him hanging! A few months ago, I would have never done that!!

    So now ai bet he feels all intrigurd because I was all funny and feeling and… Poof!

    And I know I leaned forward by sending the pic but it felt fun and I really had a good feeling. But now I’m leaning way back again… And we’ll see what happens!!

  267.  #267Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2012 at 5:54 am

    @ tenny 195 – feels so good to read that someone CAN feel like that! I’ll pray for your courage. You can do this! 🙂

    @ 200 Turquoise – I feel so sad reading that and I feel so sad for you. (((Hugs)))

  268.  #268Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 5:54 am

    : Are You What He’s Looking For?

    I’d love to help you meet and keep a wonderful man. Not just any guy, but the one that’s a great match for you. In fact, I bet that you feel the same way as many of my clients who can tell me in crystal clear detail exactly what they’re looking for in a man. What’s always interesting to me is how they respond when I ask this question:

    “What do you think the man you want is looking for in a woman?”

    Honestly, most women just pause and say, “Well, um, I’ve never thought about that before.” They often haven’t taken any time to consider it from his perspective other than say a man wants someone that is attractive. I can tell you that it’s more than that.

    The man you’re dying to meet and be with has qualities that he finds irresistible in a woman and he doesn’t want to settle either.

    When I say this, the most common response I get is a woman saying that she needs to be perfect. That’s not how men think about women, but here’s how to think about your future soulmate:

    “Am I the woman that the man of my dreams for is looking for?”

    Does your personality fit with the type of man that you want to be with? Are there any bad habits that you need to improve upon? Have you made excuses for the way you’ve acted in your past relationships?

    When I ask these questions to a client, sometimes I get a defensive response like “You act as if it’s all my fault.” Let me tell you now that I don’t think it’s all your fault. In fact, if I could speak to all the men you’ve ever dated I’d gladly tell them what they’re doing wrong.

    The problem is that they won’t listen to me, which leaves me with you. I don’t want to leave your future up to luck or chance. I want you to experience the love you were meant for. So please, ask yourself these 3 tough questions:

    1) What does the man I want desire in a woman?

    2) What qualities inspire him that I’m not practicing?

    3) What can I do to acquire these desirable qualities?

    Spend some time on these questions. Dare to have the relationship you’ve always dreamed of by beginning to change the things that you know you need to change and you’re on your way to a wonderful relationship.

    Bob Grant

  269.  #269Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2012 at 5:57 am

    also, I just feel really good and centered today. I “love” my new CD, seen-me-cryCD. I feel so good and calm with him. He seems really humble and I love the way he laughs at the silly things I say. Feels good to be getting to know someone new. 🙂

  270.  #270Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 5:58 am

    So the best thing of that day is that I was so busy being a fantastic siren sitting on my rock thhat I almost didnt have time to think about P!!that feels goooood!

  271.  #271Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 6:00 am

    RE 200 Turquoise that was beautiful I know you feel sad but I am not mourning with you. I believe this was meant to be. Such a great opportunity to experience deep feelings. Though this might sound morbid, it might be the Universe sending you the catalyst you need for the next stage in your life. Is this a juncture to accept what is?

    I see it as an opportunity to share those deep feelings with your ex. An opportunity that could possibly get him going deep into his emotional body and sharing that with you. An event that could deepen the emotional bond between you.

  272.  #272Silver Moonbeam on January 25, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Oh wow Zara I can’t thank you enough for introducing me to Oprah’s Masterclass series, I’m not sure if it’s just clips on the website or whole stories, but I am just loving what little I have seen so far.

    I can so relate to Jane Fonda being outside herself when she left Ted Turner, and of course I didn’t have the glamorous lifestyle she did but I did have a pretty nice house with swimming pool etc. and then one day I became what I call the “observer” and I knew I had to leave my husband when I looked at him from “another place” like I had stepped outside of my body, and I too moved with my daughter into a much smaller place………

  273.  #273Mel on January 25, 2012 at 6:06 am


    “the best thing of that day is that I was so busy being a fantastic siren sitting on my rock that I almost didn’t have time to think about P”

    Yay! Good for you sweetie! Sounds like you are rocking Rori’s tools. You may even find yourself starting to feel bored with P even! 😉

  274.  #274Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 6:28 am

    Ohhhhh again! And I also called DjCD at the end of the night because I never feel guilty of call him because he calls me often and he seems to appreciate when I call and its more friendly calls anyway.

    So I called him and we talked and when we were about to hang up, he did this sound of kisses with his lips. It just felt sweet and cute.

  275.  #275Nadia on January 25, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Rori, this was beautiful. It keeps with my recent practice of accepting what IS in my life as a part of some divine plan. And that includes who I am. Thank you.

  276.  #276Mel on January 25, 2012 at 6:33 am

    Yesterday I was really surprised… and I was also reminded that often people treat others how they would wish to be treated in any given situation.

    This week I have been really busy at work. 12-hour days and a little bit of stress (but the exciting fun kind). Mr. A knew this, and as a result was not “bugging” me with emails/texts or asking me to come over. In his mind, he was trying to respect my time and not be too demanding or inconvenience me in any way.

    Meanwhile, I’m thinking: Mmmmm! I miss him…. gee I wish he would ask me over tonight. It would feel so nice to get a back rub or a big hug after my long day! And I’m feeling kinda disconnected because I do so love to get texts from my Mr. A!

    So last night, right as I was going to bed, feeling kind of lonely, my phone rings and it’s him. Now, you should know that he almost NEVER calls me. He HATES talking on the phone… with ANYONE. No joke… if the phone rings at his place, he will not answer it. People know that they have to call him like 3 times in a row if it’s some kind of emergency or he just won’t pick up. He just expects them to leave a message and he will call back when he feels like it. The guy doesn’t even have a cell phone. So the fact that he was calling me was like a very rare event.

    And what does he say? “Hey Mel… I’ve been trying to leave you alone this week, but I’m really missing you over here and just wanted to hear your voice…”

    Soooooo sweet! He also told me that he would really like me to come to stay with him as soon as I could because he really misses seeing me and talking to me and being with me.

    The funny part is that he thought I would want some space… likely because he would want it… but was really missing me. At least I know what he would appreciate when he’s got a really crazy busy week. We can learn a lot about how to treat others by how they treat us, I think.

  277.  #277Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Mel you are such a smart cookie.

  278.  #278Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 6:49 am

    Breathing Life Into Your Soul Mate
    How do you begin your day? Do you jump out of bed, dash to the gym, and then rush to work from there? When the alarm wakes you from slumber, do you give yourself a moment before the mad rush of your day takes over? You have so many responsibilities between work and family. Most of the time you are rushing from one place to the next without stopping, then fall into bed exhausted at the end of the day, or lie awake with your thoughts spinning with all you did not get done. Who has time to find Mr. Wrong, let alone Mr. Right?

    I’d like to suggest that you try something new. Let him find you. Put the Law of Attraction to work for you. Wake ten minutes earlier each day. For those ten minutes, breathe slowly and deeply. As you do this, smile and feel the pleasure in your body and mind. You are giving yourself several gifts in these ten minutes.
    You are filling your body with nourishing breath, releasing tension and relaxing your body and mind. At the same time, you are also energizing your cells bringing the deep fresh oxygen in and taking toxins out. You are also setting your day in a positive way. You will be centered, relaxed, and energized from a sense of calm rather than a frenzied mad dash. You are creating healthy cells for a healthy body. You do want to feel great when you meet Mr. Right, don’t you?

    ‘This is all well and good, but how is breathing deeply at the start of my day going to help me find Mr. Right?’ you may be thinking. The answer is simple. While you are breathing you will be focusing your attention on that which you are creating, in this case a loving and healthy relationship to enjoy. You will be feeling how wonderful this is and expressing gratitude for the opportunity to invite love into your life. This will trigger joy in your body, and you will begin your day in a happier state. Over time you will experience this happiness through more of your day. Happy people attract happy people.

    More importantly, by deep breathing and focusing on your breath, you quiet your mind from the constant chatter of thoughts that reside there. So your mind is receptive to new thoughts, which translates into a newer energy. You are less resistant to holding onto the old non-supporting thoughts that go unnoticed most of the day, yet take up residence in your energy body and mind and create your experiences.

    You will program your sub conscious with loving thoughts of being ready for love. After several slow, deep breaths, begin repeating, “I am love. I am ready for love.” As you exhale repeat, “I am love. I am ready for lasting love.” Use any affirming words that resonate with you. Do this for ten minutes every morning, and raise that energetic flag to the universe to send this message of readiness to your soul mate.

    You are engaging your energy in a positive and loving way. You are speaking to your subconscious mind and creating a new thought pattern, which will create new pathways in your brain. These pathways create a network that spreads into your cells, creating new cellular memory. In addition, activating all of these energies in your mind and body raises your vibration and this energy is felt in the universe.

    That’s why it is so important to be mindful of our thoughts and feelings. What we put out is what we receive. By activating the feeling and visualizing being in love and happy in a healthy relationship you begin to create that reality by design. Beginning each day in stillness, breath and visualization meditation is one way to do this.

    So stop chasing after Mr. Right and start activating your energetic attraction tower to invite him home to you.

    You can check out the many benefits of deep breathing in the article, “18 Benefits of Deep Breathing and How to Breathe Deeply?”. Another more in depth article boasting the health benefits, is Deep breathing — the truly essential exercise.

    Cheri Valentine

  279.  #279Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 6:58 am


    RE: #257 – Totally makes sense. I feel your pain. I have had a lot of loss in the dog department. My heart goes out to you.

  280.  #280Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Silver Moonbeam,

    RE: #233 – Love it! Yep, I choose to be a Warrior!

  281.  #281Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I love you ladies so much! Thank you for being there for me! Out for the day with Lucy!

  282.  #282Mochaberri on January 25, 2012 at 7:13 am

    @ Mel #276 – WOW!!! i’m feeling really connected to you with this post. The same thing happened to me last night. A couple weekends ago – KR and I went on a date that he planned and we had the most amazing time.

    Anyway, I reached out to him last week just to check in and say hello – I leaned forward a little – I know. Things for me have been a little hectic and I’m really getting the hang of CD’ng myself so that was the only call that I made. Since my phone call I had not spoken to him because I was focusing on me and at first it felt a little weird but as time went on that went away. I found myself getting a bit anxious – I was missing him.

    Well last night he called me!!! He said that he couldn’t sleep and was sorry for waking me up. I said that it was really great to hear his voice and I missed him. I teased him about not being sorry for waking me up as if he missed me and he said isn’t it obvious that I do. I said that feels good to hear and that I was joking about not being sorry – his response was I know.

    We chatted a bit more and he said that he wished that I was there to help him go to sleep. He then said he would call earlier. There were a few breaks of silence and the old me would find things to say to fill them up – the siren in me did not – what I did was take care of me by breathing and streching which got to him in a good way because he asked me why was I making those noises – I told him what I was doing and he let me know that they were turning him on – Yay for me exercising my femininity!!!!!!!!

    So I do agree with you on your view of treatment of other people.

  283.  #283Mel on January 25, 2012 at 7:21 am


    Also… something else that I can take with me from this experience (as can you) is that just because we don’t hear from a guy, doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking of us!

    So the next time my NVs whisper at me because I’m feeling piney or hormonally attached or needy… I’m just going to picture him sitting there on his couch thinking “I’m really missing you over here Mel!” Because he likely is! 😉

  284.  #284Mel on January 25, 2012 at 7:37 am

    This one’s for you Camille… 🙂

    A cute story about accents and Mr. A.

    I am from a different part of the country and have only been living in my current city for two years. The English speakers here (I think) have a bit of an accent. I notice it most in the way that they pronounce some vowel sounds. For example the ‘ar” in ‘car.’ It sounds a bit more nasal, like how a pirate says Arrrr! I have been teasing my Mr. A a little because his “accent” is quite apparent to me. I get all giggly and try to imitate him and we have a good laugh.

    He has been trying to convince me that I too have an accent. But he’s been unable to give me an example of a word he finds that I say strangely. This morning, I get a text from him that says: ” ‘certain’…. this is an example of your accent coming through!” I don’t believe him though. We will have to do some comparisons when I see him tonight.

    Cute! I can just picture him driving to work this morning, thinking of me (of course!), and wracking his brain trying to come up with an example. We’ll see if it has any merit! 🙂

  285.  #285Camille on January 25, 2012 at 7:50 am

    Awww Thanks Mel,
    I needed to hear a cute story today.

    Im having a difficult time this morning.
    Im focusing on all the wonderful things about “T’ im gonna miss. I dont know why IM doing that to myself. I just am.

    Have a heavy heavy feeling in my stomach, on the verge of tears.

    Regretting that I ever “made waves”

    I hope this passes.

    IM thinking things like what I was griping about wasnt so bad, and after being on POF………..he really looks like a great guy………feeling so sad

  286.  #286Sondra on January 25, 2012 at 7:55 am

    So . . . I have been on several more dates with my new Match guy and Wow! He is extremely attentive and seems interested in making me happy as his number on goal in life! Last night he told me that he loves me and that it is scaring him to death! He asked me how I managed to make him fall for me so hard and so fast . . . I actually said, leaning back and smiling, “I just unzipped my chest and let you see my heart” . . .

  287.  #287Camille on January 25, 2012 at 7:57 am

    eeek……..NV’s are in full force today.
    Thinking some other woman is gonna meet him and get everything he offered me and some other woman would appreciate him so much more than I did.

    He wont even miss me..

    Bluck, that really makes me wanna cry.

    Is any man gonna do what he did for me? And why would they want to?

  288.  #288Camille on January 25, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Go Sondra…..that really is a beautiful to say

  289.  #289Starla on January 25, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Now another guy is harassing me. Another guy who disappeared passive aggressively, and then flipped out when I wouldn’t bend to his beck and call. I want him to leave me alone. This morning he’s acting like i “accidentally” texted him, and even made up some bogus content of the text i supposedly sent. I feel judgmental, like ‘what a loser, grow up!’

  290.  #290Tiffany on January 25, 2012 at 8:07 am

    @Starla – thanks for what you wrote in #224. Whew! That feels like such a relief. sometimes I feel like I am being gaslighted by the people who call me “crazy” – or whatever other kind of label. But really it has more to do with them, and it just activates all this fear in me….

    Right now I am doing a little dance with myself – to respond to his message or not to?

    I’ve written out what I believe is a beautiful letter of response, which gives him some attention, but is mostly soft and about me and how I feel (not in a harsh way at all).

    The problem with narcissists (and I know this because of my mother) is that they demand love and demand it, and demand it. But you can never really satisfy them. I could give him every single thing he says he needs, and he could still come up with something that is missing and hold me “at fault” for not supplying it (as if I should know) – if I set myself up to be in that position. You can throw love into the void, and if you do that, you have to be willing to let it go, because it sure as heck isn’t coming back to you. They absorb it and turn it around so that they suddenly need more love….

    This is my experience. And maybe he isn’t like that. But I’m starting to see that he might be. And so I’m wary. I want to send him something, and I want to end on good or better terms than I feel right now. But I don’t want to send too much. I don’t want to “give out” more than I feel comfortable with, because I can’t know for sure that anything is coming back to me.

    Thanks so much, Starla. I feel incredibly validated to hear that those who cry “narcissist” are probably talking about themselves….

  291.  #291Starla on January 25, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Tiffany, sorry for not being more in the loop, but how do you know this guy? how many dates have you gone on?

    he sounds like someone i would just. stop. talking. to.

    the universe might be sending him your way to teach you how to withdraw entirely from drama baiting. don’t get hooked in. it’s all your choice.

    have you had a tendency in the past to get baited into tiring dramas?

    i’m totally projecting my own experience on you, so if i’m way off, please forgive me!

  292.  #292Tiffany on January 25, 2012 at 8:11 am

    @Brenda 226 – yes 🙂

  293.  #293Mel on January 25, 2012 at 8:13 am


    You didn’t make waves. As a siren, you know what you need in a partner. Sometimes giving yourself the ‘right’ to having that perfect relationship causes short-term pain. We have to let go of what is familiar (but not necessarily the best for us) to have the room to allow something better to flow in. If ANY waves were created, they were just ripples of love coming towards you; cleansing, nourishing, caressing ripples.

  294.  #294Rose on January 25, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Feeling sick, home for the 2nd day today..I think it is some sort of stomach virus..

    Just wallowed in my sick an sorry for myself feelings, felt resistant to help from r..he wanted to come over..

    Today i feel good about him coming over to bring me things and help maybe..feeling so tired and weak..

    I realize I always feel resistant to accepting help from him when I am sick, like not feeling comfortable about him seeing me not at my best..I look pale and have dark circles under my eyes..I don’t have energy to put on my concealer..

    I am open now for help, feeling appreciative and welcoming it today hmmm

  295.  #295Jessie1000 on January 25, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Rori, in reading what you wrote about suicidal letters, I felt very bad. It must be difficult to have so many women in contact with you but be limited by the anonymity of the internet! WHile face to face limits how many people you can reach, the internet is boundless…however, you can do that everything.
    FUnny thing, you know how I found your website? Me and my husband had just broke up, he moved up and my little son was only 4 months old. I was so sad, and in the depths of despair…honestly. I had my laptop and I typed in google: “how to get over a break up” and for some reason your website was the first server that it picked up. I opened your website and I have been reading it ever since. Every second I read it helped and I threw away my self help books…except for Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner because she is right on the money too….and now look at me! Doing my PhD! Raising my son with the help of friends now and he is fine and 5 years old. Got lots of new boyfriends and opportunities to marry if I want and everything has been up since then. Strange thing eh? At least, long story short, you help the “suicidey” in me lol thats what my oldest son calls his little brother when he tries to leap off things or be dangerous…we joke about how theres some of that in everyone but its up to all of us to keep each other safe…not just one person! Your forum is helping and all the people on the forum help each other!

  296.  #296Camille on January 25, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Thanks Mel,
    Thats just how I’m feeling today. Im feeling the loss. And Im wondering if it even bothers him (which I should not be doing) any of this.

    I just am.

  297.  #297Mel on January 25, 2012 at 8:32 am

    It’s okay Camille. You feel how you feel. Don’t resist it, just feel it. Cry, grieve… get out those emotions so that you can clear a space for new feelings to creep in.

  298.  #298Starla on January 25, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Jessie, thank you for sharing! I felt the same way reading Rori’s post. I actually found Rori because I was so su*cidal trying to figure out how to get a toxic, abusive man to just love me right, and I discovered how toxic I was myself. Fast forward a few years and I was at that same place, feeling su*cidal cuz I was with the wrong man, and even worse, I was putting all the responsibility for my happiness on him.

    I really was su*cidal so I started seeing a therapist, but Rori’s been the biggest help, and the least expensive, too! Managing your emotions is a huge part of Rori’s work. Love you, Rori, thank you!!

  299.  #299Lush_Oasis on January 25, 2012 at 8:35 am

    G’morning Siren Island!

    Just a bunch of random thoughts here:

    Quote for the day [reminded me of Iama’s message about her friend’s FB status. Interesting the timing on these ‘coincidences’]:

    “A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future. You must break out of your current comfort zone and become comfortable with the unfamiliar and the unknown” – Denis Waitley

    I received a catalog in the mail the other day with a wide variety of clothing, “symbolic jewelry, and fantasy artwork”. I felt inspired by many of their products; though I’ve never ordered from this company and can’t speak to their quality, etc. I suppose its more of the symbolic / metaphorical aspect that intrigues me.

    I felt tickled by their comment that “[They] offer Goddess sizes at no extra cost!” It doesn’t apply to me; but my first reaction was ‘its nice to have a company acknowledge us as goddesses’ and then ‘its nice that a company doesn’t upcharge for this’ 😀

    They also have jewelry with a stone for all of the Chakra’s 🙂 [Daria, I thought of you first when I came across this page]

    Brenda; there’s a bracelet saying that made me think of you but is so universal for all of us Sirens. I’m sure you’re well aware of this one already, but its uplifting just the same: “Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not rejoice in evils but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres” I Corinthians 13:4-7

    Iama and many others: “NEVER GIVE UP: Just when the caterpillar though the world was over, she became a butterfly”

    “Not all who wander are lost” — this one is on a ring; I liked the phrase; and couldn’t single any one Siren out — it fits many of us 😀 They say its from Gandalf in “LOTR”

    Daria and many others, a quote inscribed on a ring for men or women from Gandhi, “Nobody can hurt me without my permission”

    Ok — I’m off my soap box now. I just felt moved to share those quotes with the other Sirens here 🙂

    Hope everyone has a great day!

    T-Girl — how’s your daughter? Hope all is well
    Brenda — your posts feel stronger each day; {{ }} yay!
    Liz — congratulations on the open house
    Turquoise — I feel your sorrow and pain; {{ }}

  300.  #300siren song on January 25, 2012 at 8:48 am

    I feel so sick today! I hate colds.

  301.  #301Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Lush thanks for sharing that.

    The magazine sounds like something that would have some gems for a vision board.

  302.  #302Mel on January 25, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Here’s another great Rori article about “labels” this one’s a goodie!

  303.  #303Tiffany on January 25, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Hi Starla – No, I don’t think you are way off. This is total drama out of nowhere, and I think I did just get baited. That is because of my essential desire and nature to please. *sigh* But I can’t help who I am, and if that’s who I am, then I just have to love it.

    I did end up sending my lovely message, and I saw that he wrote back (he usually does, pretty quickly), only I am afraid to read it, because I just have this deep sense that, regardless of anything I said, he is still going to say, “No way, I don’t want to talk to you.”

    Which is kind of lame because – ugh – I nearly didn’t even write back to him at all, because *I* don’t want to talk to a guy who isn’t treating me well. blech. Maybe I am just getting overly worried. And maybe it’s just that a big part of me is SOOOO ready to just let this go. I wasn’t begging. I wasn’t pleading for him to stay in contact. I AM ready to let this go. Because I am SO tired of putting myself out there and then just getting hurt. (yeah, I’m a masochist, too, apparently). I do it, and I don’t even realize it.

    So I feel like that’s what I’ve done – given my best, and it’s just going to hurt. Well, I guess I’m ready for the backlash. And since he’s been unreasonable already, I am just going to not take it personally. I know that he has his own issues, entirely separate from me.

    Maybe this was a nice distraction, and it IS time to move on to something better – more real.

    Here’s the thing you probably missed, Starla – he lives very far away from me. He’s mentioned once or twice vague intimations of being closer, or wanting to be. But overall, he’s balked at any real connection or intimacy. We’ve only spoken by email, and a few times by chat – but that was too much for me, because it was too close and personal for someone who wasn’t making the effort to come closer.

    Well, there you have it. He’s probably a big waste of my time, at this point. And it doesn’t matter. I have so many bigger fish to fry today, and so many things to worry about, that I am going to put it in the back of my mind – take as long as I want to get around to reading his message. And then I have to commit myself to – gulp – maybe not even responding to him, if what he says isn’t nice, and doesn’t agree with me.

    Thanks for your support!!!

  304.  #304Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Rori Raye Relationship Tip:

    Is A Relationship Supposed To Be Easy?

    Is this true: The ONLY thing that gets in the way of a relationship being easy is our own stuff?

    I say yes. That it’s…

    …Our own fear of intimacy that derails love.

    ***Where we actually don’t FEEL it for a great man who loves us, where we try to create obstacles, where we shut down, where we want more (or less, or different…)

    Where a man has stuff going on (moods, sexual issues, etc..) and WE’RE making it about US and are afraid to talk about it with him.

    The truth is – and every one of my relationship coach friends says the same thing from their own marriages and client’s experiences:

    With the right man – – it’s easy.

    And – to help more – WHY is it easy?

    Because the “right man” has a simple equation:

    His love for you and desire to make you happy and keep the relationship going strong is MORE important to him than his own comfort zone.

    He’d rather be embarrassed about his mistakes and “issues” than lose you or have the relationship decline and you be unhappy.

    He’d rather talk through stuff (and he’s able to do that) and work through stuff and make discoveries and changes than watch you be unhappy and frustrated and lose the relationship.

    It’s really simple. To Mr. Right: YOU are GREATER THAN his concerns about himself.

    Your happiness = his happiness

    On a day-to-day level, it might not look like this. On some days, his personal pain, fear and issues may block his love and he may run.

    Same for you – you may not receive his love when he gives it because you’re feeling angry and resentful and stuffed feelings down – and you may block him in other ways (by focusing on men or other things “out there”).

    But when push-comes-to-shove – with Mr. Right – you KNOW he’s going to come through.

    You KNOW he loves you.

    You KNOW – because of the collection of all his ACTIONS in your relationship over time – that he’s going to put the relationship ahead of his issues and you’re going to be able to work through ANYTHING.

    Therefore – the “working through” may not be easy because it requires US looking inside and exposing ourselves and rising above our OWN defenses and comfort level!


  305.  #305Mel on January 25, 2012 at 9:16 am

    And here’s the “snack” article… one of my favorites and one that really motivated change in me…

    Just felt like sharing today before I go to lunch. 🙂

  306.  #306Starla on January 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Tiffany, so this man tells you he doesn’t want to be in touch (even if he’s wrong), you say OKAY you’re right. Or say nothing.

    Don’t you dare martyr off your self esteem for idiots like that!!!

    Sorry for my intense tone. Again, projecting my own experiences!

  307.  #307Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Mel I find it interesting that labels are coming up again.

    “What happens when we “label” a man? Meaning – labeling a man “toxic” or a “sociopath” or a “narcissist,” as we do sometimes here, and as I do in my Toxic Men program.

    The “Law of Attraction” concern is that if we start thinking about men in those confining ways – we’ll create more of that in the world, and sort of fulfill our own expectations around attracting men we label with those “qualities.”

  308.  #308sensual on January 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

    @249 Emmie i feel touched and sad to hear your story, but also I feel hopeful and positive for you because only 2 years ago I had moved to the other side of the world partly due to a relationship and after the relationship ended, all my new friends in this new place were invited to my ex’s house on xmas day for a party that went through to the evening. I ended up alone and crying on xmas day. I had lunch with one man who is a friend and 2 of his friends i had never met before, and then I spent the evening alone while all my friends were at the party at my ex’s. Your story reminds me of this, but I will say that time will heal all of this. It takes a little time to be friends with or completely get over an ex and I wish for you to go out somewhere fun, even to the movies or on a CD or even have a relaxing evening in with your self and some indulgences and to feel happy knowing that it will all turn out great in the end 🙂

  309.  #309kristin on January 25, 2012 at 9:27 am

    I normally don’t post here, been reading all of your wonderful insights and learning so much but not speaking up. I was always the “shy” type. In fact, this is the reason I am speaking up on this one, ironically.

    This idea of embracing EXACTLY who we are, and creating our own definition or label of what that is, instead of accepting others labels rings SO true I have to comment. It allows me to love my shyness instead of feeling bad about it and ironically creates a new opening for me…I can now share!

    Rori, you are amazing. I have bought most of your programs because they have resonated with me more than any other therapy…and I have had a lot!

    Your messages have taught me HOW to love myself, ALL of me, not just the popular parts:) And I am able to shift the focus from my 2 ex husbands and several past failed relationships off of THEM and take responsibility for my own part. What an amazing gift, and true empowerment!!

    I attract men that treat me poorly, don’t take me seriously, look at me as “high strung”, do not respect me, don’t show alot of care for me, etc etc… And, my response in the past was to SHOW them how great and loving I can be. I am a very sensitive person(parents actually made fun of me for this) and I have so much love in my heart that I spent all of my 20s and 30s showing men what I could do for THEM. And, the jerks that showed up easily took it and gave nothing in return but heartache and abuse.

    But the interesting part is…there were some guys that weren’t so jerky and I had NO attraction to them.

    Now single and alone in my mid 40s(not feeling so gorgeous), Rori comes along and teaches me to look at MY relationship with MYSELF. What are the labels that I put on ME, forget everybody else. How am I judging and evaluating myself?

    And I found out…OH!!! I don’t think I should be respected, OH!!! I don’t think I am capable, OH!!! I don’t believe I am worthy, OH!!! I don’t think I am attractive enough. OH!!! I think my sensitivity needs to be hidden. OH!!! I think I should be ashamed that I am shy. OH!!! I don’t think I am worthy to be cherished and loved and should “hide” certain things if I want a relationship. OH!!! I think I am the lucky one if a man comes into my life. And, it goes on…

    Rori, from the bottom of my heart- THANK YOU. It doesn’t even matter to me if I find that “ONE” anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally open to a mutual loving, satisfying , nurturing relationship with a man, in fact I intend on it. But, it isn’t a requirement for me to feel whole anymore. ONLY I CAN DO THAT. Got it.
    The great relationship is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself:)

    So, I’m not dating right now. Instead, I am devoting the next few months to practicing LOVING and APPRECIATING me. Even the parts I have thought are not so great. Not having fear to express it all, open my heart and let it shine. And it feels so amazing! I have always had it and shown it to others- but to have the acceptance for yourself like that, such a relief.

    I have panic/anxiety disorder, so you can imagine what a difference this also makes in my health and well-being. Rori, I don’t even know you, but I love you!! thank you!

  310.  #310Starla on January 25, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Trying to convince someone that they are acting wrong to you is the behavior of someone with low self esteem who doesn’t feel strong/brave enough to take their own happiness and esteem into their own hands.

    If you had a narcissist parent, this is totally common. We’ve been told our whole lives we’re not even qualified/good enough to have standards for how we’re treated, and as adults who know better but are still wounded in this very way, we often resort to convincing behaviors to reconcile the two perspectives.

  311.  #311Rori Raye on January 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

    Kristen, Thank you so much for this, and if I may – I’ll post it as a whole post – I think it’s so helpful to every one of us – you make it so very clear! Love, Rori

  312.  #312lk on January 25, 2012 at 9:51 am

    thank goodness, a fight of sorts with CD.

    we have gotten twisted minorly & we are still stuck, though it doesn’t feel too bad. i really will have to dig deep & find the courage to open up to him soon. like, tonight o_0 eek

    chicken tacos for dinner? yum. he rubbed my feet & fed me chocolate last night & when i kissed him goodbye this morning he went practically skipping off…. but i still feel Afraid…. & Tense.

    i feel afraid of frustrations & arguments. i also feel hopeful that we can do this without so many arguments…

    i wonder about risks & remind myself there are always risks…..

    i feel slower now & softer about some boundaries… & more firm about other boundaries.

    i live my life. i flow.

    i feel impatient & weak. i feel dissatisfied & polluted.

  313.  #313lk on January 25, 2012 at 10:04 am

    awww & he went Man Cave while i was there which felt sweetening to watch… like… oh, he IS a man with man-fears & man-pain…. & he still was kind & attentive to me, while still being emotionally withdrawn. it felt interesting, but i didn’t ask for more because i reminded myself how i fill myself & also how he gives to me so much….

    & i also “heard” him complaining in his mind… that sounds weird but i Heard him saying almost like out-loud about how he bought groceries & worked hard all day & had bought me a bag of gifts & how he cooks for me….. & then i felt how unappreciative it felt for me to let him pay for pizza i suggested. like, i hear him saying, you couldn’t do that 1 thing for me… but when i “heard” it, i just softened & felt “back” to him, “you silly boy, that isn’t how this works. i’d love to buy you pizza some time but i’m not a mind-reader & i don’t know you’re feeling drained unless you tell me” but i didn’t say anything & i didn’t reach out or anything. after he reached out to me i did rub his head for a minute. & this morning i rubbed his back. it felt strange for him not to cuddle me, but it felt uplifting to not require it for myself to feel loved.

  314.  #314siren song on January 25, 2012 at 10:22 am

    FW 278:

    Love the Cheri Valentine post!

  315.  #315Mochaberri on January 25, 2012 at 10:23 am

    @ Mel #283

    I totally agree!! When I first tried leaning back or as I’ve heard from my therapist “practice resistance” with KR he said to me – “it may sound strange but when I don’t hear from you or see you I think about you more and more” so it’s some truth to the absence makes the heart grows fonder theory.

    I’m also learning that when I lean back and take care of me and I don’t let my NV take control of me and get me going – I have much better success with KR

    I like your visual when the NV kicks in – and I’m going to start using it if you don’t mind 🙂

  316.  #316lk on January 25, 2012 at 10:24 am

    & this morning i said i feel really tense & he said about work & i said a little & he said about us & i said a little & he said please tell me why & i’ll try to make it easier. but i couldn’t & i had to say, “i don’t even know my own feelings well enough to form words right now… but i want to share with you….”

    i don’t trust myself right now. i feel like a novice. oh but that’s good ! is there an Answer to this Question? no. there is no Answer.

    i dreamed i had a baby & i was joking with the baby how her head was as big as her body lol

    i feel agitated.

    oh but he asked me to call so that will be nice to call & get a new Read on the situation. & also to give a new Read in my vibe.

    i have to talk to him about jx too.

    & moving in.

    i want slow easiness & i can create that.

    i can say, “i am curious to hear what you think about this, but my ex from high school/college invited me to lunch & i want to go. i feel hopeful that i can heal a minor wound in my relational life…. what do you think?”

    & also, ” i want you to feel more important to me than my ex, so if you’d feel uncomfortable, i want to honor your feelings ”

    & then also, ” i feel scared & overwhelmed when i imagine Moving In with you…. that feels like a huge deal to me…. what do you think?”

    then we can just talk about it & be easy. i’m not in a rush & i can create what i want in my life. i want slowness & gentleness…

    here’s what i want today: i want to drive up to his house & i can call if i need help lol. then i can dance alone while he walks the dog & then we can dance together & have a drink on the porch & grill chicken : ) i want alone time & i want physical release of energy & i want easy conversations about complex topics.

  317.  #317Cat Blue on January 25, 2012 at 10:26 am

    @ 309: Kirsten

    “OH!!! I think I am the lucky one if a man comes into my life. And, it goes on…”

    A-ha lightbulb moment TING!…
    This is how I feel..

  318.  #318Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 10:27 am

    I feel a little bit sad. And also a little bit stressed. Because I haven’t have any sign from P since Sunday night…

    I know I shouldn’t. I know it’s only my stupid NVs that are telling me that he won’t call me again…

    At work today, I heard a conversation of a woman collegue who was saying she was going to lunch with him. They are very good friends. I am not afraid of anything. I just feel sad that I am not getting an invitation from him myself..

    I just don’t have a good feeling.

    I keep repeating to myself that only 3 days ago, he wrote “Absolutly ;-)” after HE said we will talk soon… But I feel sad an anxious that things are going slowly… I wan to have results faster. I feel impatient… 🙁

    And I have absolutely no plans for thr weekend except waiting for the cable guy. Lol, nothing like a date. I so want him to invite me for the weekend…

    I feel like leaning forward… 🙁

  319.  #319sensual on January 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

    I’m feeling so happy and light today sirens…i had a really tough last 2 days due to various things, men drama, car got towed, argument with friend, job stuff…but today the moon has moved from aquarius into pisces (a very romantic place for the moon) and I have a date with newmanpotentialCD this evening and i am feeling very positive and exited that the wave is on it’s way up again 🙂

  320.  #320lk on January 25, 2012 at 10:28 am

    @Mel 302

    wow thank you that’s helpful right now : )

  321.  #321siren song on January 25, 2012 at 10:29 am


    awesome post!

  322.  #322Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 10:33 am


    Thanks a lot for sharing. I see so many paralells to my own life.

  323.  #323sensual on January 25, 2012 at 10:35 am

    @lizka have faith he’ll come when he’s ready and it will feel so much better than if you lean forward…and it will set up the energy exchange in the right direction for you both for moving forward. So feel free and positive knowing it’s coming in it’s own time, try not to dwell on how long it takes coz the important thing is to get that energy flowing in your direction for moving forward

  324.  #324Starla on January 25, 2012 at 10:37 am

    lk, have faith in yourself and him, but especially yourself. I go through these tense moments sometimes with CF, but after 6 months everything is still beautiful.

    It’s hard, to feel so much beauty about someone, but have to deal with the human part of disagreements and misunderstandings and being individuals with your own negative feelings at times.

    I think if anyone can find a way to peace and love in these situations, it’s you! and CDcd, cuz he sounds pretty interested in peace and love.

  325.  #325lk on January 25, 2012 at 10:42 am

    i’m a fairy princess! i’m sweet & being around me is like playing on glitter clouds lol

    i’m going to call CD & be calm & happy in myself

    oh, good. my woman is getting up to stand with my girl. the girl is so babyish today, it will be nice to feel protected & cared for.

    the woman says, i move for no man. the wind moves through me, i sing a thousand songs without a single movement of my tongue. i am over & over again nearness & space at once. yes.

  326.  #326Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 10:43 am

    Crystal Bopp asks:

    “I’m wondering how many of you out there consider
    flirting cheating? what are your thoughts and/or opinions on this . . . ?”

    Hey Crystal,
    Great question with a complicated answer, so here we go in handy numbered form:

    1. Personally I think that STOPPING non-serious flirting with other people (at least in a playful way) is downright deadly to a relationship.

    I deal with a LOT of men and women every day who talk about how “dead” they feel sexually and emotionally after a few months or a few years together . . .

    How they just don’t feel attractive to the opposite sex anymore.

    Or how they feel suffocated by having to shut that flirty, fun, sparkly side of their personality down.

    And relying on just one person to appreciate you emotionally and physically while denying that kind of energy from everybody else can really be toxic.

    So in a weird way, flirting can actually be GOOD for
    a long term relationship. Done right, it’s a little like stopping by the gas station for some “passion fuel” and “self esteem oil.”

    (Wow, that’s the worst metaphor I’ve ever written.)

    2. That said, there’s flirting and there’s flirting:

    The kind of flirting that’s good for a relationship is
    pretty light. I call it “appreciative” flirting. It’s a quick
    glance or a funny double entendre’. It’s you or your
    partner PLAYING a little bit with their sexuality and
    their attractiveness to the opposite sex.

    The key is really in the intention: If you or your
    partner are flirting knowing full well that nothing is
    going to happen (and not actually WANTING anything
    to happen) it’s really no big deal.

    If you’re “hunting” or actually trying to seduce somebody?

    Well, that’s a whole other ball game.

    The actual limits of what “acceptable” flirting is are going to vary wildly by relationship.

    Personally, I’m a huge flirt (which is probably pretty obvious.)

    And even though I’m in a committed (and awesome) relationship, I have no problem at all commenting on how beautiful a female friend of mine looks, or sharing a moment of attraction and playful tension
    with a woman. (I also make it very apparent from the beginning that I have a girlfriend and that I’m in a committed relationship with her.)

    My girlfriend isn’t terribly bothered by this because ..

    A. She knows 110% how I feel about her, how I lust after her, how much I love her.

    B. I make it totally apparent that when I’m “flirting” it’s just a game and I’m not actually trying to seduce a girl.

    C. She’s secure enough to know that the fact that I’m a guy who other women want to in some way flirt with actually reflects REALLY well on her.

    The same goes the other way, by the way. When I catch another guy checking out my girlfriend, I don’t freak out about it like a jealous beast . . . I just kind of smile because I know I’ve got a beautiful, sexy woman in my life and I know she’s coming home with me.

    Not a big deal if you don’t make it a big deal.

    Again, though, there’s a big difference between playful flirting (or just “appreciating” someone)
    and actually trying to attract or seduce them and you need to talk to your partner about where that line
    is in your relationship.

    C. As for whether flirting is “cheating” I’d say it’s
    a pretty definitive “No.” Is over-the-top-flirting-with-the-intention-of screwing-someone’s-brains-out dangerous to a relationship?

    Sure. But it in and of itself is not cheating

    Michael Fiore

  327.  #327lk on January 25, 2012 at 11:03 am

    ok that was nice & he said it sounds nice to walk the dog alone while i stretch alone

    breathing, intending slowness & easiness & flow… yum

  328.  #328kristin on January 25, 2012 at 11:11 am

    thank you everybody!
    getting acceptance feels good.
    but even if i don’t get it…i’m still going to share my heart out, cause what is true for me is true for me…what is true for you is true for you….what is true for him is true for him….i am so getting this! 🙂
    i love days like this!!
    thank u and love to you all

  329.  #329sensual on January 25, 2012 at 11:19 am

    @326 wow feminewoman I was thinking about this only this morning, IMO how secure you feel about your relationship is the key here. and that can obviously be related to how secure you feel about yourself…and also communication with your partner about the topic perhaps

    I was thinking this bc ScorpionCD had always flirted so so heavily with me and complimented me and called and texted me while he was in a relationship with someone else…and then they broke up in September and we got together and then he went back to her…..and even though we barely saw each other since, he still has flirted heavily with me on the odd occasion’s he’s seen me and he texted me at midnight on new years eve. and now they are broken up only just…and he’s already flirting and complimenting me and I wonder…could i ever trust him now anyway? He was pretty good with not cheating with the physical stuff when he was with her although we did kiss a bunch of times the first time when he had decided he wanted to break up with her for me…he would not have sex with me until they were over, but he still expressed deep feelings for me all the way through their relationship and that makes me feel scared and untrustworthy if I were to be with him in the future

  330.  #330Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 11:29 am

    sensual that sounds to me like a man who has maintained an emotional relationship with another woman while in a relationship. I can’t say I have an answer but my sense would be that for some reason he did not feel emotionally safe with either of you. Or he is a man with issues that need to be healed. Your work would be in trusting yourself, forget about trusting him. Only you can decide if you are okay with a man who might have a deep emotional connection with another woman while he is with you. Only you can know how you feel in his presence taking into consideration that this thought might cross your mind.

  331.  #331lk on January 25, 2012 at 11:36 am

    i feel


    i want


  332.  #332sensual on January 25, 2012 at 11:45 am

    yes FW i agree… and no, i don’t feel ok with being with someone while they have a deep emotional connection with someone else. and no, i would not feel ok if he were to behave with someone else the way he has with me over the last year…..and my only answer at this point is to communicate that with him if/when the time comes…and also to hope that the only reason he did this was bc their relationship was not right …and now that I am a siren and more open emotionally, who knows what the future can hold for us. 🙂

  333.  #333lk on January 25, 2012 at 11:56 am


    thank you : )

    it is weird & hard : )

  334.  #334mali on January 25, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Aww kristin… this made me smile inwardly and on the outside.

    YES, we ARE loveable exactly as we are (YES WE ARE!!) 😉

    Sending you love…

    And I feel like such a goddess today! Universe, I love you!

  335.  #335Iamabutterfly on January 25, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    @326 Feminine Woman – I like it. 🙂 Thanks for sharing!

  336.  #336Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Thank you sensual. Your messages makes me feel a little better and less worried. But I still feel sad.

    And I feel sick also. I have a terrible stomach ache. Maybe the coffee (I get that often when I drink coffee) or maybe the stress. Stress because of negative things that happens at work, or stress because of P. I don’t know. Maybe a little bit of everything. But I feel awful..

  337.  #337lk on January 25, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    i want it to be easy to talk about what isn’t working

    i want the focus to be on solutions, not problems

    i want to feel slow & easy, not strained & tense

    i want to feel safe & heard

    i want patience & discipline

    i want openness & understanding

    i want promises, guarantees, numbers & data

    but more than that i want serenity, satiety

    wow, i notice i have stopped believing in happiness…

    that is heavy darkness & i feel glad to See it here…

    poor girl, what’s wrong ? people everywhere rushing around trying to buy new clothes to look fancy to impress someone to let someone know what’s going on, who’s on top, waiting in line in the grocery store, most of what they sell isn’t even edible, the news is horrible & politicians don’t dream anymore. people use plastic condoms & poison pills to keep babies away. children starve. homeless people sleep out. i’m self-destructive & often don’t pay attention. i’ve had it Too Easy, so no one cares what i say. i haven’t worked hard enough & now I’ll be punished. people are counting on me because they think i’m bulletproof. my thoughts get caught on a circular track & i’m back again & again to the same questions.

    what do i want out of a partner ? what do i want with a relationship with another human ? ?

    i want sex. i want warmth. i want nearness. i want understanding. i want voices in the morning & breathing at night. i want help. i want to help. i want to tell stories. i want to be taught. back rubs. sharing. i want to ask the hard questions out loud.

    those things are happening for me but i feel discontented.

    i want super-openness. i want beyond-talking. i want unity.

    wow, lk. that’s not really what 1 person is for. that’s YOUR relationship with everything else, not your shared relationship with 1 other person. really? i think so. i think that’s true….

    no, no. 1 person forever is for practice for everyone forever i think. oh, i like that. this is just practice. i’m a happy baby. i feel scared though. why?

    fear? i feel fear ? i don’t want that & i don’t even See what i Fear… hm.

  338.  #338Daria on January 25, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    hmm mi didnt dance or give other men too much flirty eye when i was out with RastaCD…

    even tho they came and bodylanguaged me…

    i wonder if i wouldve felt better to flirt and come back to my date…

  339.  #339Starla on January 25, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    lk 333
    it is weird and hard, but you are expanding with this. You are both expanding. Imagine that expansion encompassing you both, binding you energetically to a mutual compassion and patience and understanding.

    I believe in you two so much. I can see you bonding over mutual compassion and understanding, instead of so sensitive to each other in such a way that one person’s mood will affect the other equally, and you’ll be stuck on a broken record of bad feelings and conflict.

    I am projecting my experience onto yours, disclaimer! But I understand the fear. Both our favorite CDs are enlightened enough men to “ride” this into something even better. Safe, heard, patience, discipline, openness, understanding… you are so clear on what you want, and so this man has been drawn to you to participate in that.

    Pat yourself on the back for being brave. I feel amazed by you, lk! You are doing so good!

  340.  #340Starla on January 25, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    339 lk, also, when you hit a block or a wall, and you feel stuck or disconnected, just know you can’t expand too quickly, or you’ll rip! You can’t just botox the sh*t out of these things, so I almost think it’s good that you’re feeling a little disconnected. Steady, steady, comfortable, brave even when you’re just being brave enough to say you feel scared, you got this!!!!

  341.  #341Daria on January 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    “& i also “heard” him complaining in his mind… that sounds weird but i Heard him saying almost like out-loud about how he bought groceries & worked hard all day & had bought me a bag of gifts & how he cooks for me….. & then i felt how unappreciative it felt for me to let him pay for pizza i suggested. like, i hear him saying, you couldn’t do that 1 thing for me…”

    omg this So happens to me, and a lot of times i get scared cuz i know they thoughts are right on. im picking them from his field if not his brain

    and still they are still thoughts they are mouldable

    if i reach my rock and reach my thoughts like “i am the air i need to breathe” i can shift teh psychic space to mine

    but it still feels scary and

    its about unworthyness or sex pushing or… the stuff i feel insecure about thats probably how since my boundaries arent firm the thoughts are getitng trhough to my reality

  342.  #342Starla on January 25, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I feel a little triggered giving you unsolicited encouragement, lk, i hope i’m not overstepping or making you feel worse.

    i felt such urgency to encourage you, because you have beautiful thoughts and feelings and tempo, and i can tell CD has that too, in his own way.

    And, well, in my gut and heart and soul I can FEEL the magic that’s happening, especially now that you’ve had your first ‘fight’.

  343.  #343Starla on January 25, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    341 daria, lk, this happens to me, too.

    it causes a lot of problems for me. but i care what he’s thinking about me. and i care about if he’s unhappy even independent of me.

    so i overfunction and ask questions. it feels sooooo tiring.

    i am leaving space as much as i can now for him to speak up as needed. i want a man to trust me to do this, so i can lean back and be the girl and not have to play psychic.

    i get so tired playing psychic. like need a nap before lunch tired.

  344.  #344lk on January 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    i don’t want to share strong feelings because i feel afraid of them suddenly changing… like, me “coming to” & realizing i don’t want this anymore.

    that would be the case regardless of the human…

    ummm but i feel like, what if he Changes Suddenly ? & also i feel like testing him dramatically. i wonder if i was doing that last night? i basically had been wanting to test him. that is disrespectful. but i apologized & also, if i did bait him, that wasn’t my conscious intent.

    i feel like testing him with Tough Topics of conversation or Life Together themes… lol…. wow i can be silly & manipulative.

    i can just say i feel overwhelmed & scared & go from there. even scared to discuss it because i feel so overwhelmed by the variety & surprising nature of my own emotions in this situation. also that i feel both excited & safe with him… & also that i feel good imagining him as a partner for me…..& imagining living with him… but that i feel unsure that how he is in my imagination is how he Really Is. & i don’t want to end up Realizing i’m trapped in an Imaginary Relationship & stuck in someone else’s house !!!

    but that won’t happen to me. i have already decided not to live with someone without feeling ready. & i have thought about what it means for me to live with someone.

    i can say i feel afraid to be talking about houses & leases…. which maybe for him signals Forever…. but for me i want legal paperwork because of children & hospitals & funerals. so i want to talk about legal marriage before anyone Moves anywhere. because i feel afraid of being convinced to do something because it sounds so nice & ignoring or sacrificing a boundary that will make myself feel weak & afraid.

  345.  #345Daria on January 25, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Yay Mochaberry! it sounds like things are really starting to shift for you! woo hoo i feel excited

  346.  #346Starla on January 25, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    new article from zenhabits on “the habits that crush us” and ways of coping apart from these go-to habits.


  347.  #347lk on January 25, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    thanks, starla !!

    i feel really afloat

  348.  #348Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    When a man is exclusive with a woman but won’t commit, he is waiting for his perfect soulmate to show up in his life. If you see each other sporadically and he swears that he doesn’t see anyone else, this means that he is not actively looking, but that he isn’t sure he has found his perfect match.

  349.  #349Ella on January 25, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    Feeling shaky.

    MWC has just been exposed as a liar.

    I feel so shaky.

    I have pulled in a man with an addiction again.

  350.  #350Daria on January 25, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    today i woke up with a shift. suddenly i feel very safe sharing with men that i want to be paid for on dates and want them to cover food for me and fun too!

    and that i dotn want to plan and am evaluating Them on how well they care for me and how their plan works (it can be walk in the park or picnic for those with no cash but it has to be a clear and good plan and not leave me out by myself all high in dreamy land still )

    and all that feels soft lovely and not mechnaical at all

    and the words are morphing right now in my brain so they come out soft and lovely

    and i am easily attracting men who want to massage me as long as i want and assist me with my stretching


  351.  #351lk on January 25, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    he’s going to freak out on his own tonight i bet & make shxt happen. what am i talking about thinking about bringing things up ? i don’t want to row the boat.

  352.  #352Ella on January 25, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    I feel teary.

  353.  #353Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Soulmate Secret Newsletter #139 January 25, 2012

    Dear Soulmate Manifestors,

    When it comes to manifesting a soulmate the single most important thing to have total clarity on is how you desire to feel when you are with your beloved.

    For those of you who are hyper focused on the “form” of the coming relationship, I am inviting you to shift into the “feeling space” and for just now, let go of your wish list regarding the physical form (on all levels) you think you need. (the Divine may have something in mind for you that is beyond your ability to conceive of right now)

    Here’s a little exercise to try every morning for the next week that will assist you in having laser-like clarity on this:

    When you begin to wake up, before you even open your eyes, imagine that your beloved is lying in bed, sleeping quietly and peacefully.

    You can sense the warmth and weight of their presence but they are not touching you.
    In this moment, how are you feeling? Loved? Happy? Safe? Serene? Excited? Relieved? Filled with gratitude? Content?

    Allow yourself to experience the depth of your positive emotions for your love connection with your soulmate.

    In your mind, whisper to them words of love, appreciation and gratitude for all the ways they enrich your life.

    You do not to know how or when this reality came to be.

    It’s not important to know their height, weight, income level or job description, just feel the deliciousness of their divine presence and breathe it in.

    Thank them for the gift of sharing a life with you.

    Tell them that you now know and trust that they are on the way to you.

    Put a big smile on your face, swallow the smile and let it land in every organ of your body, and when you are ready, gently open your eyes and begin your day.

    It is the consistency that you commit to that will get you results. Every day for a week. You can do it.

    Wishing you love, laughter and magical kisses,


  354.  #354Camille on January 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    better thought!

    Sometimes its so hard to lean back Im having a hard time with that right now too. But I’m doing it.

  355.  #355Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    The way I see it Ella, it is a shift from angry.

  356.  #356lk on January 25, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    thanks, fw 353

    that feels reassuring to read.

  357.  #357Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    I feel teary too Ella… *sigh*

  358.  #358Ella on January 25, 2012 at 1:31 pm


    Although it is about as far from ideal as it could be… I feel in a slightly better place about it all than I did last time…

    Although, Ow. just even typing that feels kinda scary.

    Like what if its an illusion and really it will all be as dramatic as before.

    I feel scared.

  359.  #359Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    “I feel in a slightly better place about it all than I did last time…” Yes I feel the pond is settling. Internal shifting is taking place.

    “Like what if its an illusion and really it will all be as dramatic as before.” This thought can be shifted with a better feeling thought as it serves no purpose. Otherwise it could keep you stuck.

  360.  #360Starla on January 25, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Ella, you didn’t pull any of anyone in. big hugs. this is not your fault.

    Now you just romantically cut the ties. That is probably the recurring lesson here, to truly not blame yourself but take responsibility for walking away, instead of trying to navigate relationships with lying addicts.

    So sorry this turned out to be a bust.

  361.  #361Starla on January 25, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    lk 351 yay i’m glad you arrived here. i didn’t want to say anything but i was sensing overfunctioning, not trusting, not letting things unfold, and above all, a desire to *control*

    you are a wise siren:)

  362.  #362Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    My life feels like a mess right now. I know it’s not a mess, but that’s how I feel it.

    P is not contacting me.

    I feel so not motivated at work because of events that are happening. It’s not like a permanent lack of motivation, but right now I feel disguss by my work…

    And I feel not supported by my friends. Lately, I realized that if I don’t call them, no one contacts me. I feel teary writting that… None of my friend (really NONE) has take the initiative to invite me OR to contact me just to chat in like… 2? 3 months? I don’t know. Probably more than that. I don’t want to call anyone anymore. I don’t need frieds like that.

    I feel extra lonely.

    I want to go home and stay in bed for a week with my phone off (who will call me anyway? Not my friends, not P, not E… Maybe some insignifiant CDs…)

    I feel lile I’m doing all this work for nothing. No one is seeing the shift. Maybe the shift is in my head…

  363.  #363Femininewoman on January 25, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Ella I saw this response from Dominique to someone else on the questions thread. I thought you might find some comfort in it:-

    “Little bit by little bit you can rewire your addiction connection, and your wounds will heal. Filling your life with work you love, hobbies which fulfill you, girlfriends with whom you feel good, and lots and lots of journaling are wonderful ways to begin and sustain your healing process.

    This is a time to take really, really good care of YOU, being kind to YOU, gentle with YOU, patient.”

  364.  #364Starla on January 25, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Hugs, Lizka, I hope you take nice care of yourself tonight and shower yourself with love and affection and goodness.

  365.  #365Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm


    Most of the men I’ve dated, want to pay and plan. It feels bad to think I need to tell them that upfront. Are you giving them the chance to step up and take care of you, or do you tell them that before you meet them? I’m curious as to what your pattern/routine is like when chatting with men before dates.

  366.  #366Starla on January 25, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Daria, I feel hopeful that you’ll heal this who pays/money thing too. It is never ever a question for me anymore either.

  367.  #367siren song on January 25, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I feel so stressed out at work! My job is crazy and I feel like I am getting really sick! I keep comparing myself to the woman in the office next to me. She always seems so chilled out. I feel jealous. I feel bad, like a a stress case.

    My NVs are driving me crazy today. I feel worn out.

  368.  #368siren song on January 25, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Yay daria,

    I want a shift like that!

  369.  #369Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    This might sounds like I’m making excuses… but I’m not sure it is… Actually I don’t know…

    Since I know what feminine and masculine energy is, I was never sure if P was really a 100% masculine energy… Don’t know how to explain it… Just a strong feeling… He never took the lead, even at the beginning, even when I let him take it….

    This time HE is the one who asked me out last week, HE step up again on Sunday with a text message… In my opinion, as far as I know him (for 2 years now!), that’s A LOT for him…

    Wondering if just a little over functioning from me would really hurt… or if it would help a little…

    I know I shouldn’t think like this, but since he showed me interest twice in a week, shouldn’t show some interest too, just a little? Not propose a date, but just a warm text message or something…

    I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should…

    He said “if everything is simple and beautiful”…

    If I wait for him all the time, I’m afraid that he will think that I’m playing a game…

    I feel lost.

  370.  #370Tiffany on January 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    Hi Starla – Once again, thank you for your support.

    I feel a little intense about your harsh tone, but I also realize that you are concerned about me, and that you haven’t seen the message I sent.

    First off, what he actually wrote was not entirely definitive. It was more of an “If…then” statement. i.e. “if xyz, then I don’t think we should keep writing.” It was kind of an invitation, kind of not.

    So, my response to that was. “Okay, if you think that’s best.” I left the option open to him. But – I do still have my boundaries. I know I am not going to tolerate bad or abusive behavior from him.

    Also, as I’ve thought more about what I wrote, and about “drama baiting” as you said, I realized something. Which is, to be entirely fair to myself, I actually did NOT respond to the drama. I responded to HIM. But I did not respond to any of the comments that triggered me, nor did I mention any specific action or inaction on his part. I simply kept it to me, to what I was feeling, how my experience was, and left it at that.

    I expressed gratitude and appreciation for what he DID do that I liked. And I made absolutely NO requests for anything in the future, positive or negative. I left it open, light-hearted, and I feel good about what I wrote.

    My only concern is that HE might not be in a mature or centered enough place to appreciate what I wrote. Which means it could have been wasted energy. But if nothing else, at least it was good practice. For me, it feels like part of a practice of letting go. I’m not even sure if I am at a place where I WANT to keep communicating with him (as I’ve said.) And my letter makes no indication of anything I want or don’t want, now or in the future, regarding our correspondence.

    So, not that I need to reassure you. But I am not martyring myself for anyone, and certainly not for this guy. He doesn’t deserve it!!

  371.  #371Tiffany on January 25, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Once again – I am about to go see SARK and Amy Ahlers! I am so excited!!! Whooohooo!

  372.  #372Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    I would not do it today that’s for sure. I must have an incredible bad vibe right now. And I would be afraid that he feels it. I want to send something fun and cute and warm and inviting. Not a fake happy message…

    I might think of it for a few days and if I still feel the urge, I’ll send him something over the weekend? And maybe in the meantime he will have send me something…

  373.  #373Starla on January 25, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    hugs, siren song, you haven’t had a nervous breakdown yet, though! pat yourself on the back, and resolve to find deliberate ways to de-stress 5 or 10 minutes at a time during the day.

    sometimes i listen to relaxing music/videos on

  374.  #374Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    Thank you Starla…

    I know I should take care of me tonight… But I feel so clueless that I don’t even know what to do to take care of me. I feel so tired and don’t want to move and even eat. My god, I rarely feel like this… but it feels awful…

    Sorry everyone for spamming the blog with negativity and my sad mood…

  375.  #375Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    Hi Tiffany,

    I haven’t forget you darling… My head is just really somewhere else right now. I’ll do it later, I promise. xoxo

  376.  #376Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Lizka, lean wayyyyyy back. A little overfunctioning may not hurt, but it will be a temporary fix if you do talk to him, or hear back. If you don’t, you’ll feel worse. Men get what they want, nothing stands in their way. If he wants you, he knows how to reach you. How about turning your phone off for the night just because you feel like it. I had a friend who would do that. If she was having a bad day, didn’t want more dissapointment from not hearing from a guy, she’d just take away the possibility altogether, focus on herself, go to bed early, and hope the next day would be better. Hugs! I know it’s hard! All I’ve heard recently from my ex has been about the girls, girl scout cookie sales, and then about the dog. I want to reach through the phone and say… are you even thinking about me?????? But I’m not.

    Please don’t lose faith. You’ve sounded wonderful lately. Focus on you, through yourself into your work, plan a girls night to reconnect with those friends. They may be going through something too. With the holidays, the cold weather… even just you sounding so happy, if they feel crappy, can cause people to pull back.

    Hugs!!!! Everything will be ok 🙂

    And, another thing… I read online today that reading others happiness can make us feel sad. It’s great to read the happy posts here, those who are in relationships and can share how well Rori’s work helps them. Yes, we are happy for them and hope we’ll have that too… but it can be disheartening when our own romantic lives aren’t measuring up. CDing ourselves, our mothers, our friends… not the same as having that spark with someone special who is loving us back. Take care of you, and try not to think about P. He’s just a man, he’s not in front of you, so he doesn’t exist!

  377.  #377Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    @234: Silver Moonbeam

    That was a quickie low-carb lunch/dinner “diet” menu :
    A little breakdown:

    All meat burgers are allowed. I usually pan grill turkey burgers but in this case I cheated a bit with the McD’s.

    Tomato catsup is not allowed unless no sugar added but mayo (diet mayo is a no-no because of the additives) and dijon mustard are OK.

    In the U.S. we also have tomato sauce, tomato puree, tomato paste all three usually used as cooking ingredients but catsup (ketchup) is a condiment. Tomato and onion are allowed veggies (most are unless they are high on glycemic index… probably same as what you are doing.)

    EVOO = extra virgin olive oil. It’s one of the healthy fats and desirable to consume it. Trans fats are the bad ones so I avoid those and have real butter instead of the hydrogenated fat found in margarine.

    The “rootbeer floats” are homemade and an “allowable dessert.” The only ingredients are sugar-free rootbeer, heavy cream and ice (crushed ice is best.)

    Got any good recipes to share from your eating program?

  378.  #378Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    All I want to do is smoke cigarettes, cry and sleep right now… don’t think we can count it like “taking care of me”…

  379.  #379Goodheart on January 25, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Lizka, no.

    You would be doing it with an expectation attached – never a good idea. You’re trying to get a result (him replying, giving you attention).

    When a man wants a woman, he goes & gets her. He doesn’t need prodding or encouragement. It took me a looong time to get this.

    Leeeaaan baaack. Emotionally, just let go. Do things to pamper yourself. He will come or he won’t. The important thing is not letting it matter to you.


  380.  #380Goodheart on January 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    I think I’m channelling Turquoise 🙂

  381.  #381Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Geez…. I’m american and I am not even using the right words….

    Throw yourself into your work Lizka! 🙂

  382.  #382Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    Haha Goodheart… we must be kindred spirits! 🙂 (Or, just on this blog so long we all say the same things in the same scenarios!)

  383.  #383Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Thank you Turquoise. Really. Thank you for taking time to reply to me. I feel supported.

    I know you’re right about leaning back. I will… but might change my mind in a few days if the urge is still there. Just a little little possibility…

    I use to do that too. Turn my phone off and even leaving it in a jar where I don’t see it. So far away from the temptation to open it to see if I have a message. But right now, my wifi connexion (for my computer) isn’t working. So I use my phone internet connexion for my computer and I have to leave it on if I want to use the computer… Maybe it would be a good thing to turn off the Internet too…

    About girls night. No, really I can’t. Just to think of calling a friend for the 100th time, I feel embarrassed and ashamed. They must not care if they haven’t call me for months…

  384.  #384Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    Thank you Turquoise…

  385.  #385Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I don’t understand… I NEVER lean forward with P, and almost never with my other CDs… I’m almost the Queen of leaning back. Or at least a Duchess of leaning back.

    And I get nothing. Nothing…

    I see every day girls writing here that they have lean forward with a CD… and nothing bad happen to them. And even the opposite.

    Why am I always leaning back and nothing good is happening to me…?

    That feels so unfair…

  386.  #386Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Oups in 384 I meant “thank you Goodheart”. But thank you Turquoise too!

  387.  #387Ella on January 25, 2012 at 2:52 pm



    I do feel angry!

  388.  #388Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    SLV and Silver Moonbeam,

    When I did Atkins, I lost 7 lbs. the first week. Unfortunately, the diet didn’t last much longer, it was too hard to stick to. And, then I gained the weight back, plus more.

    One recipe I loved was similar to your rootbear float SLV, but instead of heavy cream and ice, I used frozen cool whip. It’s very low carb, and any diet soda (must be caffiene free though for Atkins) and voila…. a YUMMY sweet amid all that meat, cheese and veggies. Ranch dressing is much lower carb than italian if you use prepared dressing.

    Another thing I liked was the atkins peanut butter bars. They were quite good.

    I’ve thought about trying the diet again, at least when you have a steak and cheese and butter, salad with bacon and dressing… it’s satisfying… just hard to believe eating like that helps you lose weight! What I missed most was the crunch of something crisp. I love tortilla chips and flatbread crackers!

    I’ve lost 5 pounds in the last 2 weeks by eating breakfast, counting my calories and not eating late at night. I also started drinking a lot more water. I’m getting more exercise than usual, but most of it’s been just getting stuff done around the house, shoveling snow, stretching, doing squats and leg lifts, pushups against the wall… nothing excrutiating. 🙂

    Just eat less and exercise more, and it will start coming off! 🙂

  389.  #389Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Could you share a link for the goddess catalog if those items are online?


  390.  #390Starla on January 25, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    Tiffany, thanks for writing back to me:) Sorry for being so harsh/intense, lol. And thanks for being so open about your experience, even though people like me might jump all over it:P

  391.  #391Daria on January 25, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Lizka – the purpose of leaning back consciously is to allow self to see that she doesn’t HAVE TO do anything to ‘get love’

    in fact trying to Do something to ‘get love’ will not work and will feel bad!

    but, sometimes the way is to experiment with the leaning forward (experience the feelings after) and next time they’ll be more experience and gut level knowing about the choice

    sometimes i know intellectually that leaning foward will feel bad … but i still WANT to because i dont realy kno kno, i get the thoughts about how it seems fine for others, or even how it was fine that one time…

    the problem is that leaning forward is kinda like a Vote that i WONT get what i want (without doing)

    i experiment with leaning forward sometimes when i feel like im punishing myself not doing it –

    i always get even more comfortable with leaning back after, an there is a babystep less tug of war inside me about it

  392.  #392Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    @307: Femininewoman says:
    “…and as I do in my Toxic Men program….”

    Do you have a program online? For sale or on web site? I’ve been checking out a few. After reading some things last night I think I’m in magic making mode.


  393.  #393lk on January 25, 2012 at 3:01 pm


    hmmm i feel that leaning back is a way to keep the men who can’t give you what you want away from you – it’s a tool to keep you safe – not to lure men in : )

    HOWEVER, the RIGHT men will be lured in by such a fascinating creature : )))

    so i want to feel happy when men erase themselves; i think it shows well on me that i’m more Difficult than those BoyMen can bring themselves to pursue & that saves me time & energy so that i feel healthy & rested for the Good Men

  394.  #394Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    @309: kristin

    You are oh so right. Taking care of ourselves comes first.

  395.  #395Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Oh thank you Daria!! You’re message feels incredibly convincing to me!!!

    I definitely KNOW that it will feel bad after and OMG you are so right with “the problem is that leaning forward is kinda like a Vote that i WONT get what i want (without doing)”

    You’re right. I want to vote for “I am a super and wonderful siren and he won’t be able to help himself to call me very soon.”

    But a small (medium…) part of me is still feeling afraid that he forgets me, that he won’t call me, that… well, you know…

  396.  #396Daria on January 25, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    smoke cry and sleep sounds like a lovely way to take care of me actually

  397.  #397Daria on January 25, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Yay Lizka im glad you feel uplifted somewhat and that my words had something to do with it!

    i lean forward sometimes – and then take my poor bruised heart and love it

    and you know what, after that, it becomes Easier not to lean forward

    cuz i was Experimenting, and being Aware how i feel the whole time (not doing it mindlessly which wouldnt help me not wana do it again if it feels bad)

    then next time, im like NAH, i still remember how bruised my heart was feeling after the leaning forward with Getright last year

  398.  #398Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 3:09 pm


    🙁 I don’t want to have him away from me… and I don’t have to lure in ONLY the right man… And I don’t want P to erase himself… That feels bad to think of…

    But I know what you mean and I know you probably wanted your message to feel hopeful… Thank you…

  399.  #399Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    @353 FW
    “..When you begin to wake up, before you even open your eyes, imagine that your beloved is lying in bed, sleeping quietly and peacefully…”

    He’s been sleeping with me every night since March 2011… except for a couple of days between Thanksgiving and Christmas when I got really busy and forgot to “inquire”… maybe he was there anyway. I’ve told myself he probably went out of town for family business or… a funeral…

  400.  #400Goodheart on January 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    Yes, Turquoise, we are Roribots 🙂

    In a good way.

  401.  #401Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 3:13 pm

    I’ll go smoke, I’ll eat a peanut butter toast because I guess I need to eat, I’ll remove my make up and wash my face and I will go for a long sleep, turning my phone off and not looking at it before the morning so I won’t feel disappointed of not hearing from P or any friends…

    And while I fall asleep, I will ask the Universe for a better day tomorrow…

  402.  #402lk on January 25, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    hmm feeling pulled to either Be Nice to Make Him Love Me or to Shut Down to Show Him What It’s Like To Lose Me….. what a fabulous pattern, lk !

    hmmm what do i Want To Do ?

  403.  #403Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    But how can I show him what it’s like to lose me? He already doesn’t have me…

  404.  #404Starla on January 25, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I have a 45 min bus ride to an appointment, so i am going to spend that time writing out positive visualizations, weee i love me

  405.  #405Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    {{{Lizka}}} sounds like a good plan. 🙂 I’d add a bath to that plan, and it would feel perfect! (lol, except the smoking for me!)

  406.  #406lk on January 25, 2012 at 3:21 pm

    lol @Lizka

    i’m laughing & i feel sorry for laughing…. i’m hearing you say you WANT men who don’t want to give you what you want or treat you like you like to be treated !

    but i don’t Believe you that that’s what you want… hmmm……

  407.  #407Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    🙁 Turquoise. if I had a bath, i would feel incredibly good right now. Baths is one of the thing I love the most in the whole world. But I live in an old and small apartment, and there is no bath… 🙁

  408.  #408Goodheart on January 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Lizka, it took me awhile to understand that the concept of leaning back is more about how we are feeling about every single man that comes into our lives (and about ourselves). It’s about loving & trusting ourselves so much that it literally doesn’t matter one wit if a man calls or not.

    If he doesn’t, he’s simply a step on the path to the right man.

    If he does, he’s still a step, but possibly a step leading to himself 🙂

    Trust the universe & yourself. Appreciate the good things in every man you see. Thank you Universe, more of THAT please. And aahhh, he wasn’t the one, but he is getting me closer to the one. Oooh, thanks, I can feel it. I can feel him. Getting closer. These morsels are pretty taste, but the real meal will be so yummy!

  409.  #409Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    No lk that’s not what I want. But I feel so lonely.

    Tomorrow I’m probably feel very stupid about everything I wrote tonight here…

  410.  #410lk on January 25, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    i don’t want to Shut Down OR Be Nice….

    i want…. to body brush, take a fast cold shower, moisturize, put a pretty nightie on, ask for a shoulder rub, dance in the living room alone in the dark…. eat some ice cream…. eat some salad….. drink some tea… watch Angela Anaconda & have slow romantic touching in the dark. truths will be told all along tonight i suspect.

  411.  #411Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Lizka, it’s the possibility of losing you, that you don’t call him, he notices you aren’t reaching out, that maybe he texts and you don’t reply back right away… Unfortunately I think it looks like game play though too, especially if once you have him, you lean forward, over function, etc.

  412.  #412Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    @388: Turquoise says:
    “..SLV and Silver Moonbeam,
    …I used frozen cool whip. It’s very low carb,
    …Ranch dressing is much lower carb than italian if you use prepared dressing.
    …What I missed most was the crunch of something crisp. I love tortilla chips and flatbread crackers!
    …I also started drinking a lot more water…”

    Thanks, Turquoise. When I see it in writing it rings a bell! Like “check it out!”

    I’ll check out the cool whip idea. So far, it’s heavy cream because low carb, organic no additives. Because of high fat, a tablespoon or so reallly satiates… well you know the drill. But I’ll check the cool whip too and see what’s in it but trying to avoid additives if possible… but I might break down and get some sugar free jello.

    The only “store bought” dressings I use are two I found with no sugar: Paul Newman oil and vinegar (and it’s not all that pure either but handy to have a couple bottles in the pantry) and also a Ken’s Italian with no sugar added. It’s amazing that almost all dressings and pasta sauces have added sugar!!!

    Maybe I’ll try to make parmesan chips in the microwave. I couldn’t figure out how it would work. I do know how to melt and crisp cheese in skillet… I used to do that to make “faux bacon” like crisps when I was lacto-ovo-vegetarian.

    I need to drink more water, thanks for reminding. I’ll put a daily portion in fridge tonight for tomorrow.


  413.  #413Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    I feel a little more calm. Outside smoking.

    All your messages feels so good to me ladies. I don’t know how to thank you.





  414.  #414Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Hmmmm… a guy I barely know from college is on POF, we emailed back and forth a bit a few weeks ago. He gave me his number and said to call or text anytime. I replied with mine back… even though wasn’t thinking romantically, will practice right?
    Well, tonight he texted me and said he’d sent a couple texts, hadn’t heard back and realized he had the wrong number 🙂

    So, we’ve been texting back and forth about cooking mostly…. sounds like he’s an amazing cook and he’s making me hungry. Wondering if he’s going to offer to cook for me???? Hmmmm….

  415.  #415Daria on January 25, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    You are who your pretend to be so be careful who you pretend to be -kurt vonnegut

  416.  #416Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    SLV, maybe you could just freeze your cream in ice cube trays?

  417.  #417Senior Lady Vibe on January 25, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    @416: Turquoise

    That will be great when I get a blender. Yay!

  418.  #418siren song on January 25, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Thanks starla, for the soothetube (did I spell that right?) I do feel better already. Eating properly helps too, which I haven’t been doing. Just made a healthy meal.

    I’ve been trying to work to max, write and practice music every day for a month or so with no break. AND I’m being super-hard on myself about performing perfectly at each of these things. Perfectionism seems to always be lurking, waiting to pounce. I don’t even notice it sometimes. But I caught it today!

  419.  #419Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    That’s it. I ate my hastronomic peanut butter toast with a big glass of milk. I removed my make up, washed my face and put my creams on.

    I turned my computet off and I’m about to turn my phone off too. I’m in bed (it’s 7.15 pm here, lol!), lights off, with my dog and I even took my ear pluggs so i will not get waken up by stupid neighbours or stupid wind or anythink stupid wanting to disturb my beauty sleep…

    I feel a little better. I stopped crying at least…

  420.  #420Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    Gastronomic*, not Hastronomic. 🙂

  421.  #421Lizka on January 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    My phone will be off in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

    Good night sirens. Please send me some good vibes from everywhere around the world during the night.

    May the Universe hear me (us). 🙂


  422.  #422mali on January 25, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Starla: Thankyou for the soothetube link- I loved it!

    Tonight… my male friend took me out tonight. We’d been planning on meeting up, but it was out of the blue, really… and we went to a posh Indian restaurant (he suggested it, and told me to order anything I wanted… I was so touched, he was such a gentleman!!), we had so much fun!

    I don’t know him too well, but I’m pretty sure part of him likes me. Throughout, I didn’t initiate unless I just suddenly had the urge to share something because of excitement (and I FELT like a rockstar), and I leaned baaaack… I didn’t really use feeling messages, though…

    But I had so much fun!! Universe: thankyou for sending me such amazing people!

  423.  #423FlowerChild77 on January 25, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    ((((Lizka)))) You probably won’t see this until tomorrow, but nothing you’ve posted here is “stupid.” <3

    I know that feeling, though 🙁 I've been in those down moods where nothing feels good and I just cannot see anything good, no matter how hard I try. I think all the Sirens here understand and are sending love your way tonight.

  424.  #424mali on January 25, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Lizka: Sending you loving, AWESOMETASTIC vibes!

  425.  #425Sun Goddess on January 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Just popping in to say that i miss you Sirens! What an overwhelming week and it is only half over. As much as I want to, I don’t have the energy to read many posts tonight. I am in phase two of the application process for the new job I applied for over the weekend. I have worked late every night this week and tomorrow is another twelve hour day and at some point I need to get my tire fixed. Hope you all are well and less stressed than I am.

  426.  #426Aurora Girl on January 25, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    LIzka and Sirens…

    ohhh pnut butter toast is soo good….

    and nutella toast is also soooo good…

    and a morning at the salon is so good…..

    even on a work day….lol….why not….

    so to top it off I just had a Goddess hot bath with my beautiful tabby Queen Cat on the rug relaxed beside the tub, looking up at me reassuringly on occasion……with a Goddess juicy fruit ice smoothie with a slice of pineapple and strawberry to decorate the rim of the glass , made by my daughter…….. and now I”m wrapped in a thick warm terry robe that my son gave me for Christmas….listening as my children study quietly for their exams and my youngest sleeps……it’s almost 8pm….and the snow is falling gently outside……

    another Siren day…..another magical Goddess day……

    make every day a Day fit for the Goddess you are


  427.  #427Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    I am a warm, soft, free, open, sandy beach.

  428.  #428Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    How? How? How?

    The Text Monster is eating me alive!!!

  429.  #429Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    I am slurpy, confining, restrictive, swallowing, drowning, grasping, down-for-the-count quicksand! Cum a little closer, my dahling!

  430.  #430siren song on January 25, 2012 at 5:24 pm


  431.  #431mali on January 25, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    @ Aurora Girl:

    That sounds absolutely magical… melting here =)

  432.  #432mali on January 25, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    Hmm, I just received this from the man who told me he was looking for a committed relationship


    Hows your week going?

    I’m in a frivolous mood…give us a kiss! (A virtual one of course)

    I got the impression I wouldn’t be hearing from him again! Feeling a little confused and annoyed…

  433.  #433FlowerChild77 on January 25, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    We’re here for you, Brenda. Spam the blog if you need to 😉

  434.  #434mali on January 25, 2012 at 5:35 pm


    Jenny, Starla, and the others who remember reading that intense guy’s message?

    I received this from the same guy today.

    your not a hot goddess mali, you’re just a naughty little girl that needs spanking, that is all.

    Bitter much? On the one hand, I’m amused… on the other, I’m really angry.

    Like- who the hell are you to say this to me?!

  435.  #435mali on January 25, 2012 at 5:37 pm


    Mali isn’t happy!!! Do I even bother replying to him?!

  436.  #436Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    No Mali, just block him. Replying will be encouraging.

  437.  #437Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    &Rumi Boy! Get over here. Sit down. Let me get a better look at you. Yes, you will do quite nicely, blending with my gene pool.

    Ask me out. Text me. Call me.

    Call me! Do you hear me, Boy? Pick up that phone right this minute and call me! You do what you’re told!

    Brenda, let go. Stop.

  438.  #438Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    So the college guy just asked if I’d like to go out… I said sure, wonder what he’ll have in mind….. I was good friends with some of his friends, but he dropped out early on, so I didn’t know him well. Feels good to be asked out though.

  439.  #439mali on January 25, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    @Turquoise: Thankyou… for some reason I’m raring to have an argument with him, though… I wonder what that’s about…

    @Brenda: I love reading your riffs- they’re so authentic!

  440.  #440Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    Not being with Ryan = Torture

  441.  #441VW on January 25, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Mali #434:

    “you’re just a naughty little girl that needs spanking”..

    Something about what this man said …resonates “true” to Mali – at a deep level…the subconscious…; and, i have a hunch, it is not recognized and embraced/loved by Mali just yet…maybe, she sees it as “bad”…”inappropriate”…”scary…”…

    I would search within myself and recall who/where said these to me…and why i believe them…:) connect to the intensity of your emotions that these thoughts bring out…

    This is a moment to cheer Mali! Yay…healing form Mali!

    warm hugs,

  442.  #442mali on January 25, 2012 at 6:02 pm


    It feels bad to read, like I’m being put down… like a parent putting down a child…

    But the thing is, because I know how much he liked me, I’m not hurting so much… because I know it’s his own bitterness coming in the way..

    Hmm maybe it’s actually hurting me more than I realise? I don’t know…

  443.  #443Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Being with Ryan = Heaven

  444.  #444Sun Goddess on January 25, 2012 at 6:04 pm


    I know what you mean! I miss LP so much and I want so bad to be there for him right now but I am giving him his space to grieve.

  445.  #445mali on January 25, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Maybe I am a naughty girl!! Maybe I do need to be spanked!! But I love the naughty girl within me, even if she leads people on… she is a child. She is carefree and true to herself… she is a child-goddess!

    She feels scared being told she is naughty… but instead of roaring back- she says, maybe I am a naughty girl who needs to be spanked… I don’t like hearing that… but I love my feelings, I love me…

  446.  #446Aurora Girl on January 25, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    442 mali and vw

    and then again it could have little to do with you mali and more to do about this guy..

    it reeks ugly and a certain frame of mind…a certain type of sexual energy that some men like…..the ones who like to slap women or think they need a spanking…….they sometimes like a sadistic take on things….it can be a form of sexual control……it can be light or it can mean more…….

    the main question is ”

    “is that what you want in your life”…in a relationship?

    if not…..

    turn the other way and keep going….
    and no need to reply…

    love to you…

    trust your gut….sometimes it just is what it seems like too…


  447.  #447Luzydel on January 25, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I think I’ve ruined the chance I had to work things with “S”; I have been reaching out too much and I was aware of it. For me reaching out was not about control, but about saying something that needed to be said, but not finding the correct words. I did and today “S” told me that he know how I feel, because a year ago he was the same way, that I need to relax and let things happen on their own; That he wants to work things out with me, but he doesn’t know if he can be a committed partner and that is why he is holding back.

    For some reason some heaviness in my chest got out and cut the conversation. I admit I have been awful, needy, clingy etc. I could have stopped at any time, but instead of looking for the answers inside of me I decided to sabotage and annoy “S”… Oh well… he said he wants to talk to me face to face this weekend. We’ll see if he calls. In the mean time I set up a date with another guy “R” from POF, we will be having lunch on Sunday. I need to CD so I don’t make a fool of myself…

  448.  #448Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 6:16 pm


    Ty. R u going to respond to him?

    I caved. I texted Ryan.

  449.  #449Sweetpea on January 25, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    Turquoise @ 200,

    Check out K-9 Immunity. My rott had lymphoma – 4-6 weeks to live. I got her the K-9 Immunity and it put her into remission. I didn’t keep her on the maintenance dose (you’re supposed to keep them on the lowest dose once they’re in remission), and still got two more happy, healthy years with her.

  450.  #450Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 6:27 pm


    I love you, Cupcake! Been running all day and not at my keyboard.

    Huggie wuggies! Cupcake Two

  451.  #451VW on January 25, 2012 at 6:40 pm


    First off…:) i feel good when you speak your mind…including not feeling good about what i said…that’s very healthy…please do so…:)

    Second…i have a sense that you were looking for some sort of validation about this guy’s note…and yes, it could trigger many of us…i used to 🙂

    But, the issue is not what he says…ever…but rather how do I react to what he says…:) that’s were the healing opportunity comes from…Did I react with anger/judgement? or just feeling disappointed…or “whatever”…”okay”..and “thank u” type of feelings…

    As long as I focus on the meaning of what a man says to me and take it personally,…i lose focus from myself…and of course, the opportunity to grow and heal from it…

    warm hugs,

  452.  #452Sweetpea on January 25, 2012 at 6:41 pm


    Easy answer: someone who’s happy. With herself. And easy for him to keep happy.

    Simplistic, but a good start.

  453.  #453Sweetpea on January 25, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Check this out, ladies! I posted an article on my blog about feminine power and included in it the bit about the most attractive thing to a man in a woman is… a smile. And how all men really want is to make us happy.

    I woke up the next morning to a new follower – my first male follower. Seems guys are getting hungry for us to find our feminine power as well…

  454.  #454Sweetpea on January 25, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Mel @ 276,


    But now, he’s changed things up. Do you think he’ll still want to be left alone during a really busy week? Just feeling curious.

  455.  #455Sweetpea on January 25, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Cupcake Two,

    Love you back, you silly, lovely, adorable little goof! 😀


  456.  #456VW on January 25, 2012 at 6:48 pm


    aww…so sweet of you to post the link to that post…awesome…gosh, i literally forgot ab it…

    as i was reading through it…it was my 1st connection with Daria off blog…:) aww…our 1st “date”….okay…that sounds naughty…:) we are not “like that”…lol…ups, i feel scared…Daria, are u triggered?

    good times indeed…thank u…i feel happy the content of the blog stood with me the past year…:)

    warm hugs,

  457.  #457FlowerChild77 on January 25, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    You sound rather happy, Brenda. So I’m assuming you feel ok about “caving.” Just know that we’re here for you no matter what happens.

  458.  #458Emmie on January 25, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    i love this quote. I can’t remember where I found it but I just came across it on my computer.

    “Look around you. Wherever you live, whatever circle of society you are part of, you will notice that the vast majority of people lives in the world without. Those who are more enlightened, however are intensely involved with the world within. They realize that the world within creates the world without”.

  459.  #459Starla on January 25, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    siren song – are you a musician too? tell me more!

  460.  #460Starla on January 25, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    Team Eat Something Already
    Okay, time to make meatballs and broccoli. gotta just eat something already!

    i’ve eaten pizza for lunch for two days in a row (gross! i love pizza but dairy makes my skin break out and bogs down my precious ovaries) because the office orders it in our busy times so we don’t have to leave for our own lunches.

    tomorrow i intend to eat something healthy for lunch. even if they order pizza. i’ll let them know…i can’t eat pizza 3 days in a row. Let me order something else off the menu or I’ll be back in 20 minutes with something of my own.

  461.  #461Brenda on January 25, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    I don’t know what to do with my love for Ryan. I can’t contain it.

    FC, no, I’m not happy. I fear attack.

  462.  #462Starla on January 25, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Brenda that riff up there was gorgeous

    ooooh i feel poetically inspired.

  463.  #463Starla on January 25, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    461 “I don’t know what to do with my love for ryan. I can’t contain”

    ooooooh turn it toward YOURSELF, yum! all that love!
    oooh i want to show myself this much love tonight.

    Starla, want me to cook you some broccolis and meatballs? Yeah? I would love to, cuz I just love you so much, and you look hungry and I don’t want you to ever feel hungry or lacking.

  464.  #464Memulo on January 25, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    I feel confused -) Had a wonderful romantic date last night, just like I ‘ordered’ lol, with flowers, looking in the eyes, delicious food. First date. He was funny and sweet and very smart and said speak soon and kissed me at the end, but I didn’t hear from him today. I know it’s against the rules, but maybe should have sent him a little something? Like photo of his flowers in a vase? I didn’t.. probably a good thing. But what if not??

  465.  #465Laughing Goddess on January 25, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Oh! Thanks for the reminder, Starla. I’m going to eat something right now!

    Fish cakes, chevre cheese, not sure what else. I’ll see what looks yummy.

  466.  #466siren song on January 25, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Yeah, starla, I play lead guitar and sing in a band and sing in another. Between the two bands I play out at least once a week. I’m trying to get the first band in a position to record this summer. Sooo much work! But it feels good to do something I love.

    What about you??

  467.  #467FlowerChild77 on January 25, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    (((Brenda))) No one here is going to attack you. Are your NVs talking to you? (We are always so much harder on ourselves than others are on us.) Try to be gentle with yourself. So you caved…big deal. Can’t change it now. It’s ok.

    Starla is so right on the money, though. No man can feel the kind of love we crave—-until we, first, feel that love for ourselves. I am learning this in such a big way, lately.

    We fill ourselves up….and his love is the overflow, the extra, the frosting 😉

  468.  #468Starla on January 25, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Food is cooking:)

    Sirens, I feel SO overwhelmed right now with good feelings, radiating and vibrating from head to toe with “love” for and from CF. I put love in quotes cuz it’s not even romantic love, though that definitely makes it sweeter…it’s like a white light, safe and warm and knowing, i feel crazy, moved to joyful tears, with how safe I feel, and how inspired and like myself and happy and in awe of who he is and just like “yessssss i like you, you’re a nice thing indeed,” and i feel my heart leaping out my chest like yesssss Starla this is what romantic relationship is supposed to feel like, yes of course, but it’s more than that.

    I can’t describe it…i don’t know why i even bothered to write this all out now, hehe.

    ohhh look at that i’m trying to shrink my jubilation out of fear of others judging me as a fool. cuz what if i end up getting hurt? then no one will want to support me through it because i should have known better than to feel such intense things from CF.

    I’ve always toned it down here as much as possible because i don’t want you all to think i’m laser focused on him or getting wrapped up. But he makes me really happy. really really happy. As much as he humanly possibly can, the first and foremost thing he cares about with us is making me happy. And in a very healthy way, not out of desperation.

    I feel like I’m explaining and justifying my attraction and feelings here. I feel torn between this amazing feeling and not wanting to express it out of fear someone here will try to squash it down, and say no Starla, where is your ring? If he’s so great, where is the ring?

    Well it’s been 6 months and I don’t expect a ring, and for that reason I don’t exercise exclusivity with him. I feel anxious to talk about the future big time but it’s been SIX MONTHS.

    I just love how I am feeling with him, though. The scary real stuff too, it is all okay, he is on my side no matter what… we can face down the triggers and the scary and the tricky together, even when we could just sweep it under the rug then and there, and we can know in our hearts when it’s okay to put the trigger away…

    we have this amazing thing here between us, and it was effortless. all i did was speak my feelings and don’t wants all the time, even when it was soooo scary, and lean back as much as possible.

    I struggled so much to have anything even half as good up until I met him, and now the only struggle is the fear and awkwardness associated with whether it’ll last and if it will grow. not if it is and has been good and wonderful and safe right now.

  469.  #469Memulo on January 25, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    Maybe I should send a photo of his flowers in a vase? They look very pretty.

  470.  #470Starla on January 25, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    I say lean back:) You can tell him how nice you feel when he contacts you, if you want.

    I noticed guys wait a few days to contact me when they REALLY like me after a first date or meeting. They don’t want to come on to strong or have you dismiss them as too easy, so don’t be surprised that he didn’t call you today.

  471.  #471Starla on January 25, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Memulo, do you feel like you need to make sure he knows how appreciative you are, or something like that.

    I am guessing you showed appreciation for the flowers when you received them, so no need to reiterate, either way:)

  472.  #472FlowerChild77 on January 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    One of the most important things I’ve learned from Rori: Men fall in love with us—loving ourselves in their presence. That really puts the tools and “being a Siren” in its true perspective!

  473.  #473Memulo on January 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Thank you Starla-)

    Btw, why are you dreaming about a ring just after 6 months? Enjoy! You are both very young, right, there is no rush to get married or engaged. Your relationship is way more important than all this official stuff.

  474.  #474Turquoise on January 25, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    Oh I feel tired. My girls wanted McDonalds for dinner, so we went to get that, came back to finish homework, help my oldest study for a history test tomorrow on Mexico. She looked so tired, hope enough sunk in. Finished up our Girl Scout Cookie sales… their dad sold some for them at work and with his bowling league. I sent him a nice text saying we was an awesome cookie selling daddy, and I got back a 😉 . I didn’t believe that words of affirmation was a strong love language for him, but I’m starting to rethink that. He responds warmly to them these days, and it’s nice to know he’s smiling. I read somewhere that you should smile when you answer the phone, have a conversation, etc…. it comes through the message. Made me think about my voice, my body language… that my mood can even come through my texts. 🙂 My ex can be quite serious, feels fun to be a bit flirty/silly with him, loosen him up a bit.

    I feel kinda blah… wish I had someone here to take care of me, rub my back, to hug and snuggle with…. feeling a bit lonely myself sirens. College guy wants to go out next Saturday with some friends. Feels more comfortable planning that, I haven’t seen him in…. probably 17 years! It was kinda cute when he asked me out, he said, wondered if you’d like to go out? Screw those sites.

    LOL. yeah, screw it. Then he said something that was surprising. He lives far away, over an hour, so we are going to meet half way, in the city. and then he said, don’t take this the wrong way. You’ll have a place to stay. ???? In the city, driving the opposite direction back to his house???? I’ll be with friends, so I won’t be driving anyways, I don’t drive in the city unless it’s someone’s birthday and I am the DD! I appreciate that my friends don’t mind driving me, I don’t have the best sense of direction. I didn’t acknowlege what he wrote, but thought it was kinda strange.

    What do you think besides that I should make him come the whole way? Cause I know you are gonna say that!

  475.  #475Memulo on January 25, 2012 at 7:49 pm


    I did come back to flowers several times during dinner. Was feeling more like feeding the connection today.. but that’s probably not right, I know. Though there might be exceptions?