Are You His Doormat Puppy Dog?

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Here’s a letter from Laura – a new client. She’s only had one conversation with me so far, and we’ve discovered how much of a “doormat” she’s been, how needy she feels and acts, and how she has no life but the one she’s built around her husband.

And her husband has an emotional relationship with another woman.

He’s also becoming increasingly nasty to her – almost in direct proportion to Laura’s increasingly needy and clingy “vibe” and behavior.

One of the options we’re discussing is what it would feel like to “leave” him – because the thought of leaving him and being alone is so terrifying to her it’s paralyzing her and draining her self-respect.

My goal with Laura is to raise her self-esteem and her belief in herself so she no longer feels she needs to crawl on the floor, holding onto her husband’s leg as he drags her across the floor – as she’s doing right now every single moment of her life with him.

If you can’t walk away from a man, you will forever be at his mercy. This is not about leaving, it’s about being ABLE to.

“Dear Rori,

My husband has been holed up in our spare bedroom (which he uses as a sort of office) since the day before yesterday, and has not spoken to me. I just brought him some mail and he asked me how I am. I leaned into the dance position and said I feel lonely. He said I should get a dog. I turned around and left.

I know you are trying to get me the emotional strength to leave him, but how do I act towards him in the meanwhile? Should I just have left his mail for him to find? Should I have said I feel fabulous? I don’t!!!

Thanks so much,
Love, Laura

My Answer:

Laura, first – I am so PROUD of you for turning around and walking away!

Before, you might have tried to continue the discussion!

And you know what I’m going to say about how you GOT into that situation:

I feel angry with him for responding to you so coldly, and yet that is the predictable response, which you set yourself up for by Leaning Forward, overfunctioning and bringing his mail to him in his “hideaway” space.

I don’t want you to blame yourself for anything that’s happening here – and yet, I DO want you to take responsibility. To feel how powerful you are to keep things going the way they always have, or to change them for yourself.

How every time you do or say anything – it has a result.

And how the results you get are the same when you continually do and say the same things you always have done and said.

I want you to see the patterns.

And change them.

Dogs bring newspapers and mail to their owners.

Is that what you want to be? A puppy dog?

If he wanted to come out and be with you, he would, and it doesn’t work at all to wonder why he’s not out of his “cave” and being with you.

Some Steps For You:

***Please go to a lawyer and find out what you need to know about separation and divorce if it comes to that.  Arm yourself with information so that you can feel calm and logical when you are making choices for yourself.

Not knowing what you need to know, and not facing what you need to face only makes you feel more awful and more scared.

***And then – work on having such a great life – no matter WHAT he does – that you no longer CARE what he does!!!

***I want you to start taking care of yourself in a PRACTICAL way!!! You need a man to take care of you. And right now – that man is YOU. Find your stalwart BOY inside you, and enlist him to help you get out in the world and love yourself better!

You should never, never, never approach him at all – and you MUST FOCUS and getting YOURSELF HAPPY no matter WHAT he’s doing.

Anything you say to him should be about you that reflects what you’re doing that’s making you happy. Share how you feel about the weather, or the book you’re reading, or the class you’re taking. Stop making everything about HIM. Just as we worked on in class.

Saying “I feel lonely” is a wonderful feeling message.  But if your man has demonstrated over and over and over and over again that he doesn’t CARE that you feel lonely – then stop sharing that.

Unless he asks.

And then you’re in a conversation, which feels completely different than your walking in to his space and sharing something meaningful – pretty much knowing he won’t respond well.

Doing that is pretty much like you walking over to him, handing him a hammer and asking him to hit you over the head.

You cannot have a relationship with a man who is not participating.

At the moment – you are seeming like not a complete, whole human being – and that’s what you have to work on. He is irrelevant right now.

Basically – your need for him is not “regular” – it comes from you throwing yourself at his feet, holding onto his ankle, needing something from him. He feels this and it just feels unattractive and icky to him – And he feels so intensely GUILTY (if he is, as you say, a decent man (or was) ) – that turns into ANGER for him.

Stay away from him unless he approaches you – and focus on being happy.

Love, Rori

Posted in

1 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 6:49 am

    OMG what a title.



  2.  #2Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 6:53 am

    ” But if your man has demonstrated over and over and over and over again that he doesn’t CARE that you feel lonely – then stop sharing that.

    Unless he asks.”

    Wow. But in this case I thought he asked.



  3.  #3Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Mel I believe this just reinforces how well you are doing in your situation.



  4.  #4Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Rusty hope your wife’s wrist is on the mend.

    Lucy how is your daughter doing?



  5.  #5DE on July 21, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Great post Rori!

    Gosh, my heart is with this woman 🙁

    This does remind me of Mel’s situation. I feel soo happy noticing her growth and strength …U are doing awesome Mel!!!



  6.  #6Lilybelle on July 21, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Mel~ You SO have it going on.

    WE are not puppy dogs or lap dogs.

    We are fabulous, wonderful, Goddess-y Sirens.



  7.  #7Senior Lady Vibe on July 21, 2011 at 7:46 am

    Hello, world. I am thankful for you know what.

    😀



  8.  #8Senior Lady Vibe on July 21, 2011 at 8:01 am

    @Rori

    As Mr. Big would say: “Abso*******lutely!”

    Every bit.

    😀



  9.  #9Lilybelle on July 21, 2011 at 8:05 am

    7:

    Love whatever “you know what” is.

    Hmmmm, sounds yummy.



  10.  #10Lilybelle on July 21, 2011 at 8:05 am

    9:

    *I* love whatever……



  11.  #11marina on July 21, 2011 at 8:37 am

    how do I get from behaving like a puppy dog too being a Siren Goddess? I think all I do is enable bad behaviour in myself and others and I think I am sooooo addicted to all the ‘benefits’ 50% of me just doesn’t want to change anything at all… and it seems so scary and like so much work and I don’t know how to do it. weeeeeeehine 🙁
    I think it is resistance to change.
    and it is fighting the other half of me that is so bored and fed up with the current situation and wants to move on.
    m
    jeeez how do I get both sides to work together and get on board?



  12.  #12Lilybelle on July 21, 2011 at 8:47 am

    OMG!!! I hope this doesn’t trigger anyone but this is funny, I don’t care WHO you are.

    Got this email from this larger man who commented on my “bedhead”…and then said, “I have a condom with your name on it if you want it”.

    I went with my immediate thought and replied:

    “Not even with someone else’s vag.”

    I had to do it.



  13.  #13Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 8:49 am

    4: Femininewoman says:

    Rusty hope your wife’s wrist is on the mend.

    ____________________________________________________

    it is feeling a bit better, likely because of the 3 way combination of the splint immobilizing and supporting it, the drugs, and the ice pack I have been getting out for her at night and wrapping in a thin towel before wrapping it around her wrist.

    Asked her this morning and she said it is feeling better.



  14.  #14Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 8:51 am

    12: Lilybelle

    That IS funny.

    Some men are an embarrassment to the rest of us. They just don’t realize that there simply are no shortcuts.



  15.  #15Lilybelle on July 21, 2011 at 9:03 am

    14:

    He didn’t get it at first. And then, he wanted to know if I was a lesbian. I blocked him.

    Please, loser.



  16.  #16Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 9:05 am

    Yes Lilybelle funny. I read it as being in the moment and being in the zone. You go girl.



  17.  #17Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 9:07 am

    Marina have you read Rori’s self esteem category? You deserve much better.



  18.  #18Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 9:08 am

    SLV I see you are into Sex and The City. That’s great, hope you are learning from it?



  19.  #19Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 9:10 am

    15: Lilybelle says:

    14:

    He didn’t get it at first. And then, he wanted to know if I was a lesbian. I blocked him.

    Please, loser.

    __________________________________________________

    Should have given him the web address of a good psychologist. Seems to be a lot of pent up anger with that one. Definitely a screw loose that is mucking up the works.



  20.  #20Mel on July 21, 2011 at 9:14 am

    I love, love LOVE this article!

    “But if your man has demonstrated over and over and over and over again that he doesn’t CARE that you feel lonely – then stop sharing that.”

    I think this is why feeling messages didn’t help me in my relationship. He simply doesn’t CARE how I feel.

    I disagree, however, that my need for him was not ‘regular’ as Rori suggests to her client. I think every wife deserves to have a husband that wants to spend time with them, wants intimacy, wants connection. When these things utterly disappear in a marriage, it is quite a normal response to feel anxious and “needy” around this. That being said, I can see (now) how this natural response just pushes men away further.

    What I wish I had realized earlier is that “you cannot have a relationship with a man who is not participating.” This statement also apples to friendship. I can’t force him to be a “friend” if he doesn’t want to (which his actions and treatment of me have demonstrated).

    I will continue to take this advice:
    “Stay away from him unless he approaches you – and focus on being happy.” I have no interest in “fixing” the relationship at this point. But I do think this great piece of advice will see me through the rest of the summer until I have found my new path.

    Thanks for your encouragement everyone! I spent the morning filling out job applications, and still have some to do! 🙂



  21.  #21DE on July 21, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I recently signed up for home gym 70 days challenge…My friend is the VP of this new company…I believe in the concept and product…

    This is the 2nd week of the challenge…i am supposed to work out for 15-20 min 5 times/week (they give us the workout online to view every day and it is different every day)…well, i did it twice last week and only once this week…the Monday one kicked my butt 🙁 and after the pain was the excuse to rest …:(

    Anyhow, this morning my friend was following up on my progress and I shared with him I’ve been slugging…

    He responded being disappointed 🙁 Gosh, that felt bad 🙁 That is why I didn’t really want to participate because i know myself for being inconsistent…and now, I feel sad ab it…

    Been thinking of this…and I realized in everything i accomplished in life I had a drill sergeant behind me :(…I feel tearful saying this…My mom was one…I pushed myself to get into college back home just so I can get away from her mouth…and negativity…

    Then, I married my ex…who sure reminded me every single fricking day of his contribution to my tuition…:( I started college from the bottom again after 3 years already wasted in my home country… So I pushed myself to accomplish a degree in a short time…even though it was not what my heart desired…just so I can get my independence from him…and get him to shu*t the f*uck up…

    And here I am…with so many passions within me…I get enthusiastic ab them…and then…I STOP…and look behind me…where is my drill sergeant?

    There is some healing to do around that…abuse is what used to get me motivated…I need something else within me to motivate me to pursue my passions….

    Wow…so revealing…Sigh 🙁



  22.  #22Daria on July 21, 2011 at 9:56 am

    Man crack I feel addicted to it

    Ok

    I have more ‘evidence’ that leaning forward and giving in on the things I want does not bring me great long term results….

    But… Sometimes it feels so good in the moment!

    Like I really feel connected…

    Sooo

    I dono

    I just won’t lean forward

    I can do it

    Even tho I miss him so much and thought of the cleverest thing to say to get him to respond to me

    And even w hawkman who I also lean forward with… Well he’s still pursuing me…

    Yeah but the aftermath mostly sucked

    I feel sleepy!

    Tired

    I’m doing an Abraham thing that this will miraculously turn the way I want it.



  23.  #23Susan on July 21, 2011 at 10:10 am

    The situation Rori described here reminds me so much of my marriage. (I’m now divorced.) I feel tense and anxious just reading it.



  24.  #24FlowerChild77 on July 21, 2011 at 10:16 am

    I’ve been hanging on by a thread in many areas, but continuing to focus on gratefulness and options and hope for the future.

    I learned from some friends at church that there may be a house to rent, although she could ask for WAY more than I can afford except she doesn’t want any kids and it’s a 3bdrm.–so that cuts down on her choice of renters in a big way. (It’s also illegal, so she has to be careful about advertising it, etc.)

    She did say that she’d let someone have pets–which means I could get a puppy. I really would like to have a nice ‘protective’ type dog–but not sure I have the patience and energy to train a puppy. My youngest daughter is a dog fanatic and somewhat of an expert on training and she said that in order to have the dog be the most protective and bonded with you it’s best that you train it yourself from a puppy. (I’m talking about a mutt, here. German shepherd/lab mix–something like that. No rottweilers or bull dogs or anything scary or dangerous! 🙂 )

    Anyway…at least it’s a possibility and helps me to be positive and hopeful about the future. Some things have also fallen into place financially, so I feel a great relief knowing I can pay some long overdue bills and get my car fixed. (The A/C doesn’t work this year and the heat has been in the 90’s with heat index up to 115 yesterday. Ugh…) VERY excited about getting that repaired. 🙂 Yay!!

    I can’t use an air conditioner in the house because it blows fuses every few minutes. I just keep the shades pulled and have a fan. It’s tolerable, but I’d prefer air conditioned air right now since we keep getting “air quality alerts” and I get severe migraines–which are made worse with this weather.

    I just keep reading Rori’s stuff (I have the book open on my computer all the time so I can refer back to it and remind myself of things.) I’ve been listening to lots of good stuff. Right now I’m going to listen to last night’s call with Orna and Matthew Walters.

    I love reading all your posts and I keep you all in my heart–I’m learning daily. 🙂

    Ella—-I read your post in the last thread about J and the friend who is loud and brassy and gets lots of attention. You said you felt uneasy about her being there. My thought was that while she may get lots of ‘attention’ with all her masculine energy–could you try to think of it like this?: Your feminine energy will be that much more beautiful in contrast to her bold loudness. Instead of thinking of it as competition–think of it as a spotlight on your feminine vibe and how the men (and J!) will see the difference and feel more drawn to you because of it.

    Also, I think I’ve read about trying to be “one of the guys” usually results in girls being put into the friend category straight away and isn’t in our best interest, as Sirens! 😉 Yay for you, though. I hope you have a great time on the outing and maybe even make some new friends 🙂

    P.S. ALSO—I will be able to order some of Rori’s programs!!! I am SO excited about that–I can’t even express how badly I’ve wanted to be able to get some of them. Not sure which would be best. I know that I want the Scripts for Love (or LoveScripts) and thinking I may need to get Toxic Men. Do any of you have suggestions about what programs are best or ones that helped you the most?



  25.  #25Daria on July 21, 2011 at 10:16 am

    Does anyone think it’s a good idea to call or text him?

    Yes, I do…

    It will feel giddyfying and good if he responds in a fun way!

    But what if he doesn’t respond ? Ick!

    That will feel bad.

    This energy will shift I know it. Good things are afoot.

    I think I’m just missing some hugs and words of affirmation. That made me feel better the other day.

    Hmmm.

    Love me hug me.



  26.  #26Mel on July 21, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Feeling SO excited today! La, la la! I LOVE applying to jobs in foreign lands that I am super qualified for!

    One more to go… this one’s closer to “home.” But good to keep all doors open! 🙂



  27.  #27marina on July 21, 2011 at 10:49 am

    thnx FW I will check out that the self esteem part.

    DE I think I understand what you mean… I just thought about Rusty mentioning some women want a leadrr and right know I am also thinking I need a leader or a drill instructor to actually make me do things…

    I know its not true actually. The first 3 weeks of my unemployed I made a list of the +200 things I wanted and needed to do and I checked off a lot of them. My inner boy was taking care of that. but after 3 weeks I collapsed. and now I am thinking I am not strong enough and need somebody else to tell me what to do…

    well I read on Barbara Shers website about success groups (thnx SLV). People comjng together sharing their dreams making their dreams come true and helping and encouraging and inspiring and motivating eachother to make their dreams come true. with amazing results. I think that kind of buddysystem will work for me too. My Mum and I went to the unemployment centre together and I feel glad that we did. I am back on track with my jobhunting. I am also going to help her with her LinkedIN profile.next week I will meet with some of my former colleagues some of them are still unemployed too. and I am thinking about a get together every 3 minths with some of my friends to not only have fun but talk about our dreams and business plans.

    do you have any friends that you can form a buddygroup wiyh? ofcourse you can also share here and we can cheer upon you and help you.

    Xxx marina



  28.  #28marina on July 21, 2011 at 10:51 am

    sorry for typos…



  29.  #29femenergylove on July 21, 2011 at 10:56 am

    an absolute fantabulous post 🙂



  30.  #30Camille on July 21, 2011 at 11:10 am

    well here goes……….I have been reading this blog for about a week now……..have learned so much……purchased the “Siren” program about two weeks ago and am well on my way to sireness and goddess! I feel like posting my current situation as I have seen in this blog sometimes looking in on someones situation without “rose colored glasses” and “emotional connection” is so extremely beneficial. I am hoping some of you may take at look at my situation and give me your honest “siren” opinions and advice. I would also like to purchase another of Rories programs wondering about committment blueprint……….what do you think?

    I have been in an “on and off” relationship with the same man for 8 years! We have been friends……friends with fringes……..husband and wife……..enemies………ex-husband and wife……..dating other people……..and now are “living together again trying to work things out!” Sounds insane I know…….every time he has left I now see that it has been me “leaning forward” and “over doing” absolutely without question. Last year when we reconciled I was totally “un-consciously” leaning back and being siren-like………with my “newly gained understanding” I see that the reason things went from having “the man I have always dreamed of” to “wow hes changing and I dont think this is gonna work AGAIN!!” I know its because I have slipped into old patterns and am leaning forward. I am currently in the “mistake” of letting him move in…..and right at the moment (starting where I am currently at!) HE HAS THE POWER! I want to re-gain my power and have him eating out of the palm of my hand again like he was a year ago…….flowers every friday delivered to my office, foot rubs, acts of service, absolutely adoring me! Unfortunately I have turned it into me calling him, me working, cooking, laundry, and him contributing some $$$$$ He seems very emotionally distant again and I am seeing us slip into the pattern of breaking it off once again……until I get on my “single” feet and we get back together! I feel anxious……..foolish………overwhelmed……..but excited that I have knew knowledge and tools to rectify my situation in whatever way it takes for me to be my happy, artistic, laughing, vibrant self again!

    Thanks for letting me purge! LOL



  31.  #31DE on July 21, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Marina #27:

    Thank you for sharing and relating to my “story”…I will check the site u talked about…

    I don’t really have a drill sergeant around me…..sometimes Daria is my sergeant with a Fairy Godmother’s touch …lol

    Wooo…feeling a bit afraid for saying this now 🙁

    Warm hugs,



  32.  #32Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Hey Camile thanks for sharing your journey and good luck for the future.



  33.  #33Daria on July 21, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    I get it ! I want to reach out to avoid feeling some feelings!

    And it’s all old stuff and he’s a new face on it!

    Yay!

    It’s really helping to have him on my horse saying nice stuff to me and

    Even to remember my horse knows where to go, for me, I just have to ‘give myself’ to the horse.



  34.  #34Mel on July 21, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    I miss turquoise3! I wonder how she’s doing with the big move?



  35.  #35Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Me too Mel. When I saw that post Ithought it was her initially but then felt a little disappointment upon reading it. I hope the move is providing some adventure and opportunity to practice being a siren.



  36.  #36tinque on July 21, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Is anyone else melting?

    xxoo



  37.  #37FlowerChild77 on July 21, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    YES!! As I said in above post, I can’t use an AC here because the electric is so old that it keeps blowing fuses. It’s 86 degrees in my house and it feels horrid. It never got below 80 all night long–and this is on the lake shore where it’s usually so much cooler than everywhere else. Yesterday we had a heat index of 115.

    I’m melting, all right. I just wish it was pounds I was melting off! 😉 If the AC in my car worked I’d go for a long ride just to cool off….

    I hope there’s some relief in sight….Sigh….



  38.  #38Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    34: Mel says:

    I miss turquoise3! I wonder how she’s doing with the big move?

    ——————————————–

    I have a feeling that it won’t be long and we will all be wondering what you are up to and wondering how your move is going. 😉



  39.  #39Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    This heatwave reminds me of the one in 1980. Can’t remember, but I ran in long distance races back then and I chose to run a shorter race during that heatwave because of the heat. I could have run the 10K but chose the 5K instead.

    I’m just glad I don’t hear a lot of global warming hysteria connected with this, and I’ve even been watching CNN almost exclusively. Maybe for good reason…we’ve seen this before.

    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    The drought and heat wave conditions led many Midwestern cities to experience record heat. In Kansas City, Missouri, the high temperature was below 90 only twice and soared above the century mark (100 °F/38 °C) for 17 days straight and in Memphis, Tennessee, the temperature reached an all-time high of 108 °F (42 °C) on July 13, 1980, part of a 15-day stretch of temperatures above 100 °F (38 °C) that lasted from July 6–20, 1980.

    In Dallas/Fort Worth, Texas, high temperatures exceeded 100 °F (38 °C) a total of 69 times, including a record 42 consecutive days from June 23 to August 3. Dallas/Fort Worth reached an all-time high when the temperature hit 113 °F (45 °C) for three consecutive days on June 26-28. In all, the Dallas/Fort Worth area saw 29 days in which the previous record high temperature was either broken or tied. Seymour, Texas, would hit 119 °F (48 °C), a record for Texas at the time and still the second-highest temperature ever recorded in the state. Seymour also holds the record for the coldest temperature ever recorded in Texas (-12).
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    And I am willing to bet that the warming period that allowed the Vikings to settle in Greenland saw even higher temps here, but the, we weren’t here yet, and nobody was recording temps here. 😉

    I actually wish I were on the West coast during this though, it would make going to the beach more of a relief with the cooler water. The water here feels like bathwater. In fact, I am sure it feels even warmer than bathwater. Last time I went to Key West during the summer, the water actually felt hot when I got in.



  40.  #40Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    just checked the temps in Jacksonville right now, and I should note that the temps here right now are actually lower than what they were when I ran that race in Ohio in 1980. I was a kid then though so I am sure the heat wouldn’t have affected me as much then as it would today.



  41.  #41Lilybelle on July 21, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    The humidity broke here during the night. We have been having temps hovering at 98 with heat indexes of 115ish or so. Ahhh, MN. Where else can you have such wide ranges of temps? -30 – -40 below in the winter sometimes and this…

    It has been a very melty week.



  42.  #42Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    Just found this on another board and it struck a chord with me.
    +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
    The weather is changing, somehow, indeed, the temperatures are getting higher and higher in summer and we’re complaining about the fact that we can’t breath when going outside after a whole day in A/C environment… but how about thinking of adapting ourselves a bit to the new conditions?

    What I mean is:
    – A/C at work
    – A/C in the car
    – A/C at home
    A/C everywhere, in fact. Then when we go out we’re feeling like breathing fire but this is perfectly normal. Our organism cannot adapt in a matter of one or two hours and the more we stay in a A/C environment, the more we will suffer.

    Since 5–6 years ago, I decided not to use the A/C anymore, neither at home, office or in the car. I started to go outside in the heat, gradually, not exposing myself too much at first but “telling” my body “Here, this is how it will be, let’s try to adapt, okay?” And guess what, now it’s about 103 degrees outside and I am able to take the bicycle and ride it for 10-15 miles in the sun, without any adverse effect excepting sweating like a pig but with enough water and a bit of salt, I am really enjoying the heat.
    And let me tell you, I’m not 16, but 43 y.o. so it’s not a matter of age; our organism is smart enough to adapt itself. Just let it do it, don’t fight with nature.
    ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

    I think back to that heatwave of 1980 and remember that we did not have A/C back then. So my body had adapted to the heat. Now I like to live with A/C set to fairly cool temps. I find I do not tolerate the heat as well now.



  43.  #43Senior Lady Vibe on July 21, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    @18: Femininewoman says:
    “…SLV I see you are into Sex and The City. That’s great, hope you are learning from it?…”

    😀 It’s a fun entertainment for me. I enjoy the writing and also watching for the multi-story plot points. Most episodes are well written and directed. Like good fiction of all types, there are always joyful moments of recognition, affirmation and SATC is funny. And I like the clothes too… 😆

    I recently went through the first season again. I read the book a while back which the first season covers. Time to order more episodes! I had a huge stack of videos to go through and ended by returning some unseen with lots of library fines… 😥

    The last DVD I saw was “The Social Network.” That was a good film. Did you see it?

    xoxo



  44.  #44marina on July 21, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    hello dear Sirens and Sailorman 😉
    I am back from climbkng with two male climbing buddies. Haha I am practicing some Rori tools on them. Smiling looking in the eyes and not trying to be one of the guys. They both have a GF and are totally happy. But they did give me a lots of compliments on my climbing technique and the way I dress and how I look. And all in the nice way. And I was telling myself ‘say thank you, smile, don’t start to say things like you ate kidding me or no my climbing technique is not that good just say thank you’. So I did and they kept giving compliments. Dear Universe thank you. Please will you keep sending me more to practice? Next step I want to really receive and accept those compliments like gifts or like someone giving me a hug and melting and enjoying it. Let the moment be there and fully enjoy it.



  45.  #45Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    And I like the clothes too… 😆

    ————————

    Manolo Blahnik or Louboutins?



  46.  #46Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    44: marina says:

    But they did give me a lots of compliments on my climbing technique and the way I dress and how I look. And all in the nice way. And I was telling myself ‘say thank you, smile, don’t start to say things like you ate kidding me or no my climbing technique is not that good just say thank you’. So I did and they kept giving compliments

    —————————————————

    More and more I am convinced that the main reason men stop giving compliments to their wives is that the wives don’t receive them well. I know this is not the case in every marriage, but I am willing to bet that in a lot of them, the wife, for whatever reason, simply starts responding to those compliments in an improper manner. Not talking FAULT her. She may have had very good reasons for doing so. Maybe she put on weight and so assumes she is not worthy of those compliments. So she disqualifies them. Pretty soon he stops, and she assumes that this is proof that she was right. In fact, he may have simply stopped because it didn’t feel good to him to have his compliments trampled on and discarded as meaningless.



  47.  #47Susan on July 21, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    TO: FlowerChild77 POST 24

    I got a dog when I got out on my own 5 years ago, but I know I didn’t have the patience for a puppy. I went to petfinder dot com (where all the rescue organizations show their animals) and I found a wonderful 2 year old rescue dog that I adopted. She is wonderfully behaved and is an excellent watch dog, but is not violent at all. Please consider giving a rescue dog a chance to have a loving home. My doggie is part lab and part border collie and is truly a part of our little family now.



  48.  #48FlowerChild77 on July 21, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Thank you Susan….I’m sure if I do get a dog it will have to be housebroken and trained somewhat. I just don’t have the energy to do the puppy thing—although I “ache” to hold a baby (a human one, that is) and would love a puppy for those reasons—but the whole thing about having it ‘do its business’ in the house and chew up my stuff is not appealing at all. 🙁

    Thank you for sharing that site with me. I know it’s kind of silly, as I I live in a very small rural community and don’t ‘need’ a protective dog for any real reason. I’ve never had anyone stick up for me or protect me in any way—ever. I just like the idea of feeling cared about enough for it to matter—even if its just a dog doing the caring.



  49.  #49marina on July 21, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    hi DE,
    I am sorry I didn’t address the abusive part you were talking about. I don’t think I am qualified or in any way experienced enough to give you advice. Perhaps there are Sirens who can help you with that. If that really is a big obstacle for you to be happy and it needs to be healed, please do so.

    I don’t think you need a drill sergeant to get up and keep going. I know you can train a dog with punishment or treats. Wouldn’t you rather like to train yourself with treats (not saying you are a dog!)?

    I think that Rori but also the Flylady give great examples on how to be kind to yourself, not be hard on yourself take babysteps and enjoy it.

    I think that what is great about a buddy or a group of buddies is that you are standing next to eachother instead of one being above the other. I think it will feel good to share your dreams and ideas. You can even make agreements on what you should have accomplished the next time you meet.

    But this is just my opinion. Please find something that works for you.

    And if Daria is your drilling sergeant….so be it!:-P

    Xxx marina



  50.  #50Mel on July 21, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    I did something nice for myself today. 🙂

    I hardly EVER treat myself to things. Especially things that are not practical. But, I deserve it!

    For the longest time, I’ve wanted an Irish Claddagh ring. The elements of the ring are said to correspond to the qualities of love (the heart), friendship (the hands), and loyalty (the crown). Depending on the finger you wear it on and the direction it is turned, it means different things.

    For me, it would be on my right hand with the heart pointing outwards, it means I am unattached. I liked the symbolism because it will remind me to have an open heart.

    I also purchased a silver and amber pendant in the shape of a bee. I’m really sad to have to leave my bees behind. But this is to remind me not to give up on my dream.

    In total I only spent around $65, so it’s not like I splurged that much… but I am very happy with my purchases and what they mean to me. 🙂 Just thought I’d share.



  51.  #51Susan on July 21, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    RE: FLOWERCHILD POST 48:

    I know what you mean about longing to hold a baby (I’m 55 with no grandchildren) and I assure you that doggies don’t mind being ‘stand-in’ children. They like being hugged and held. A dog that cares about you is no small thing.



  52.  #52Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Mel,

    Maybe you can incorporate beekeeping into a teaching job? I could see it being well received in Europe, especially if you put in terms of teaching the kids the important balance of nature.



  53.  #53Mel on July 21, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Rusty: 🙂 That would be great!



  54.  #54Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    Probably have to buy new bees though. I can’t see them allowing you to bring bees from one continent to the others.



  55.  #55Mel on July 21, 2011 at 3:39 pm

    Definitely not! And poor bees! That would be very stressful for them.

    I was thinking that even if I can’t have my own when I’m abroad, I’m sure I could contact someone through a local association and volunteer to help them out. It might even be a good way to meet people!



  56.  #56Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    That would be awesome Mel. I am sure they would be glad to have the experienced help, and maybe sharing of ideas, methods, etc…



  57.  #57Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    RE 50 Mel what matters ism that it makes you feel good. Thanks for sharing



  58.  #58Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Not sure I have seen the Social Network. I don’t pay attention to the titles.



  59.  #59Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    RE 36 The heat is just as bad here in New York. I have been walking for half hour to home but today I took the bus. I went out at lunch time and I was dripping soaking wet. Yes I kept saying I was melting. And I understand tomorrow will be worse here



  60.  #60ice Princess on July 21, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    I’m feeling a little betrayed right now. My best friend is going to a concert tomorrow night with two other girls and didn’t think to invite me. I invited her to a different concert and she said no. Last week she told me she would be upset if I weren’t around anymore but she sure hasn’t tried to make any time for me. Should I say something to her?



  61.  #61ice Princess on July 21, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    Oh wow, writing it out and seeing it there makes me feel like I am a little crazy and needy. 🙁



  62.  #62Jules on July 21, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    Please help! I am (was?) engaged to be married on September 10. Dated fiance since February 2010. He asked me to marry in April of this year. Bought beautiful ring. Deposits everywhere (he paid for everything) and honeymoon flight tickets booked. He sold his house in a week and moved into mine in May. Memorial Day weekend got in HUGE argument over his female friend (he told her something very personal about the two of us and I felt very betrayed). Ever since then he has said he loves me, but something didn’t ‘feel right” and he didn’t want to get married. He has gone back and forth. My self-esteem and behavior has been so sad, clingy and needy. After a great getaway last weekend, he said, again, that he loved me but couldn’t go through with wedding in September. (A lot of things are already booked and paid for). I asked him to go to a hotel for a week and see what it was like to be without me. I lasted until Saturday night where I called him at the hotel and asked him to come home. Cried. He got cold and distant. Refused. I didn’t contact again. Today he texted me and asked me to go to dinner. I asked him to call me and we made plans. I cried AGAIN just when hearing his voice. I did tell him several times that it felt good to hear from him and that I missed him. He said he missed me once; but was very casual. Furthermore he implied that he would continue staying at the hotel and not be coming home tomorrow night. I have NO idea what to do when I see him after a week. I have NO idea what to say. I love this man. My heart is breaking. Our beautiful wedding is most likely off. I can’t imagine life without him, but I know I am driving him off by being so accomodating. I don’t know what to do…



  63.  #63Senior Lady Vibe on July 21, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    @58 FW
    The Social Network,
    Won 3 Oscars, including screenwriting award to Aaron Sorkin. Another 87 wins & 79 nomintions.

    Storyline:
    The story of the 2003 creation of Facebook by Harvard undergrad Mark Zuckerberg.
    “A mere six years and 500 million friends later and Zuckerberg is the youngest billionaire in history… ”
    ~imdb.com

    Interesting. 😀



  64.  #64Senior Lady Vibe on July 21, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    @45: Rusty says:
    “… Manolo Blahnik or Louboutins?…”

    I’m not much a shoe person, mainly the clothes.

    😀



  65.  #65Daria on July 21, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Omg no fucin way he called me. ..when i just forgot about him…

    And he soumded all dissaponted and clueless that i was leaving in an hour

    This abraham stuff works!!!

    And this rori stuff does too! Duh

    Oh i said next time i want to stay at his place
    … i was implying jokingly that hell have his own. ..

    And he says yeah just let me kno ahead of time! “” whaaa

    I am one smily feelin girl !

    And i feel embarassed that i said some witty sex stuff i had wanted to say and… im sure it was charming



  66.  #66luzydel on July 21, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    So, I feel hormonal today, I feel lonely but my son and I will have a short vacation next week.
    D contacts me sometimes, it seems like he doesn’t want to let go (perhaps me neither) he keeps saying about meeting, but I don’t believe it anymore, so I just answer “sure let me know when”.

    So this is my official txt relationship, until I get myself a real one; I’ll take it as it is. I cannot push him away no matter how much I try, he comes back, and I cannot bring him closer because i don’t know how or if it is really possible. So it is what it is…I am meeting men from online also, but noone to make me hold my breath yet…sometimes I wonder If I ever be in a relationship again…What is holding me? I have gotten so close many times and then it all falls apart…



  67.  #67Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    RE 66 Luzydel I wish I could get you out of that cloud and really connect. You always seem so distant and in your own world.



  68.  #68Daria on July 21, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    I rock! Feeling excited on plane to romania



  69.  #69Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    RE 63 Will look it up. Been so busy lately not even watching tv.



  70.  #70kaitlyn on July 21, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    This article just depressed the hell out of me.

    I work a lot or spend my time alone reading. Not only do I no longer speak with Adam, but my bff no longer talks to me except for here and there if he needs a restaurant recommendation. He’s really into only hanging out with positive thinkers now, so that leaves me out. I went to a party last night and was back to my usual standoffish self, which was fine because the guys there were gross anyway.



  71.  #71Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    RE 62 Truthfully Jules the energy in your words feel draining to me so I can only imagine how it feels to him. Please read Rori’s article above and the Power and Self-Esteem category. I believe if you want that wedding you will have to pick yourself up out of that pit. Maybe you have some feeling still stuck in your body around the feeling of betrayal that needs attention?



  72.  #72ice Princess on July 21, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Kaitlyn–
    I was wondering how you were doing today. I was hoping things were going good since you weren’t posting.



  73.  #73Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    kaitlyn I was wondering where you were? When will you start working or opening your heart and being warm?



  74.  #74kaitlyn on July 21, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    73 AND look where opening my heart and being warm got me. No thanks.



  75.  #75Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Ice Princess it suggests to me that there needs to be some boundary building. She said no to you and it seems you might be having trouble accepting no from her.



  76.  #76Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    Okay kaitlyn.



  77.  #77Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Ice Princess if you feel needy and “crazy” embrace your craziness and pour some love over it.



  78.  #78kaitlyn on July 21, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    FW I’m warm and open to my friends



  79.  #79ice Princess on July 21, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    I am having a real hard time with it. I don’t understand why I was not included and why my concert was not goog enough.



  80.  #80luzydel on July 21, 2011 at 7:20 pm

    RE 67 FW

    Those words seemed to be spoken by many men who came into my life (including D) like they want to come in, but I am not really letting them. I can sense “d” and other men trying to no avil to open me up, to tell them How I feel, but I can’t I get stuck and that is when they run; and I either act aloof or clingy afterwards…

    How to open up and let them in? How can a brin a man closer?



  81.  #81Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    RE 78 I am wondering if you ever checked in with them to see how you come across or how they experience you? Just our of curiousity…..

    I remember reading from Christian Carter that the way you are in any relationship is the way you are in “the” relationship. I also see several coaches encouraging woman to be warm to everyone. Things don’t always go the way we want them to but warmth begets warmth, maturity inspires maturity and the same with standoffishness. Emotions are contagious. There is a physical part of our brain that facilitates the bouncing off of each other even without verbal communication.



  82.  #82Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    RE 80 I actually feel shocked that you responded. Rori has many tools that help with that such as using the word feel, it felt. Getting out of your head by touching physical things around you. Putting your attention in your body to identify your feelings that sharing them, journaling about them get them moving around so you can actually feel them and be capable of putting words to them and then sharing them. My experience of you is that you spill or as Rori say you talk at rather that talk with. I said something to the effect before and DE I believe suggested she felt the same way with you but you never responded.



  83.  #83Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Luzydel my sense of you is that you are jaded because of the hurt you have experienced. That is normal but to really connect it is best to notice your feelings, sink into them and really feel them. It is scary as hell, at least that is my experience but so worth it to feel them and to share them. It has helped me to lift the aloofness, be vulnerable and end up feeling powerful just knowing that I could share it. For some reason I end up feeling proud of myself when I share the feelings.



  84.  #84Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Luzydel it might help you to just fall on the floor and cry. Just crumble under the weight of all the feelings you have trapped inside you and then let them out.



  85.  #85Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    Ice Princess it was good enough, she just chose not to go. Do you want to create a codependent relationship with her? Are you saying she can’t have her freedom to go someplace without you?



  86.  #86ice Princess on July 21, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    FW, I see what you’re saying. And, I appreciate your perspective. I will let it go and not be upset with her for declining on me and know that I can decline things she offers if I want.



  87.  #87Jules on July 21, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Re: 71 – Thank you for your observation. You are absolutely correct. I do feel betrayed and I don’t know how to get “unstuck” or move out of the pit. I have watched “The Commitment Blueprint” every night since Saturday. I can’t figure out how to put into practice, tomorrow evening, what I have been hearing. In my head I want to believe I will be okay and can move on; but my heart knows differently. I do feel drained. My energy is gone after living these past eight weeks in the “unknown” – not knowing from day to day whether to keep planning or not. He is the sweetest, most generous and loving man and I feel like I have driven him away. I don’t want him to walk out of my life…



  88.  #88Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Luzydel articles like this one I believe is a gem that can be of great help

    http://www.coachrori.com/articles/newsletter/Out-of-My-Head-and-Into-My-Heart–January-24th-2006.10.html

    So, I`m suggesting something new. Practice wonder. Practice curiosity. When we`re actually out and about (as opposed to practicing CoachRori tools at home alone) instead of imagining, instead of picturing putting ourselves in a safe or romantic place (just because we`ve managed to think ourselves into numbness way too much), sink down into What Is. There`s a face in front of you. There`s a child in front of you, a dog, a cat, a butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker, an old woman, a beautiful car. There`s a sunset – not the memory of the sunset you shared with someone who broke your heart, but the one right now. It has colors, and shapes. It`s a new memory.

    This may sound woo-woo, and it`s anything but. It`s about sometimes getting out of the la-la land of our brains (no matter how attractive and obsessive our thoughts can get) by getting down into reality. We`re all afraid that reality is ugly. Actually, most of the time, it`s what our brains think of reality that can be ugly. We all know people who are great at turning lemons into lemonade. What if what we often assume to be lemons simply aren`t lemons at all? There is much in life that brings pain. There`s much in life that brings joy. Instead of believing I will walk into pain and try to think it into joy, I choose to believe I will walk into joy and it will just simply…be…joy.



  89.  #89Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    RE 86 Ice Princess remember it is in the crucible of relationships that we see ourselves, that we grow as human beings. I have learnt from Tinque to always bring things back to me. Don’t project onto to her be curious about yourself and look for the lesson in the experience. What did she come into your life to heal? These are things I do for myself.



  90.  #90FlowerChild77 on July 21, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Is anyone else listening to the calls (or recordings the next day) from Orna and Matthew Walters? I’m learning a lot and I’m just curious about what other Sirens think and/or are getting from the calls.



  91.  #91Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Feel like you have driven him away is not a feeling Jules. Feelings are in your body, anger, fear. What are you really feeling?

    Are you saying that your heart is telling you that you will never be okay?



  92.  #92Jules on July 21, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Re: 91. Fear. Loss. Grief. Stupidity.



  93.  #93Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:52 pm


  94.  #94Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    RE 92 Jules it seems that you would benefit from riffing. I would write here like journaling how I really feel. I feel fearful of facing the future alone. That feels like………….. look through previous articles. They will help you. Just writing out the feelings will help you to release them and really see yourself. Plus other sirens will help you through it.



  95.  #95luzydel on July 21, 2011 at 7:58 pm

    FW
    thanks,

    I thinks this is one of the biggest issues with me right now. How to loosen up and let men in. It is like they perceive this wall but can also see something good through it, that is why I get into this limbo with some of them.

    They wont leave totally, but wont get closer either…



  96.  #96Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    64: Senior Lady Vibe says:

    @45: Rusty says:
    “… Manolo Blahnik or Louboutins?…”

    I’m not much a shoe person, mainly the clothes.

    😀

    ————————————————

    At $600 per pair, I wouldn’t be a shoe person either. 😉



  97.  #97Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 8:03 pm

    Jules read through these past posts and comments. I would focus on this category if I were you
    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/turning-around-disappointment/#respond



  98.  #98Rusty on July 21, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    60: ice Princess says:

    I’m feeling a little betrayed right now. My best friend is going to a concert tomorrow night with two other girls and didn’t think to invite me. I invited her to a different concert and she said no. Last week she told me she would be upset if I weren’t around anymore but she sure hasn’t tried to make any time for me. Should I say something to her?

    ————————————————–

    Ice, Ive seen this kind of thing before. Usually it is something as simple as the other girls she went with may be friends with her, but not so much with you. In addition, her choice of who to go with wasn’t personal if it was like the times I have seen this in action. She likely chose simply on who she wanted to see.

    I could be wrong, but I think this is very likely. I am going to assume that it will all blow over.



  99.  #99Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    RE 95 I would assume they are waiting to feel safe. Until you are safe with your own feelings and safe in your own skin this might keep happening. The aloofness suggest you are feeling something but not sharing. You are uncomfortable with the feeling so you are covering it up and pretending to be aloof.



  100.  #100Jules on July 21, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Re: 94. Thank you. I feel so many things. Too many things… when I start feeling them I start tearing up. I feel grieved that someone I love so much doesn’t know if he wants to even be with me after just proposing only 15 weeks ago. I know I can face the future alone. I can, and have, taken care of myself and my child for the last 14 years, alone. I have a great career and make good money. It’s not that… I feel so fearful of losing the love and companionship and physical intimacy with someone I love and respect more than I ever have before. I haven’t allowed myself to experience that with a man since my divorce 13 years ago; and I never loved my husband like I love this man. I didn’t even date until four years ago because I was so fearful of being hurt. He is the first man I have allowed into my life; into my son’s life; into my heart and into my bed. I can’t imagine my life without him now… knowing how good it has been with him. I don’t know how to behave with him tomorrow. What to say. What to do. How to just “be” without being needy.



  101.  #101Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    I am curious to know if Rusty has read your posts Luzydel and what he thinks.



  102.  #102Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 8:08 pm

    Jules how much do you love yourself?



  103.  #103Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    RE 100 Jule can I encourage you to read your words and see if you can sense desperation in them?



  104.  #104Jules on July 21, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    Femininewoman… Your question (102) moved me so much that I am in tears now. More than I used to… (gained 50 pounds, and wore dowdy clothing after the divorce and then lost it when I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone)… but a lot less than I should. It’s easy for me to love and give to others. I do it for a living with my patients, and with my loved ones in my personal life. I don’t know about myself though. I will read the above link. Thank you.



  105.  #105Jules on July 21, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    RE: 103. He gave me everything I had ever wanted… more than I ever dreamed of… and then just suddenly took it all away. I feel like it’s my fault. That I did it.



  106.  #106Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    Jules until you can deeply love yourself I am not sure he will have the directions how to love you. We teach people how to treat us. I have learnt a lot since I have been on this blog including how to love myself and that men want us to love ourselves more deeply than we love them. I have learnt to stand in front of a mirror and say I love you to myself. I have learnt to hug myself and go around reciting in my head “I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself”. I have recently experienced people coming towards me and exclaiming how good I look and feel. Even today a guy, a stranger was openly flirting with me and trying to get personal info. I go around with a smile on my face and with warmth in my heart just knowing I can do well in my life and don’t need a man to complete me. I am focussed on doing things that bring out passion in my life and things that I have wanted to do but never did. All of this thanks to Rori. It is not a quick fix. It is a process but if you could read through these articles and the categories to the bottom right of the blog you will get valuable information to help you. Loving yourself is key to building the relationship you want. I would encourage you to make that your first go to place rather than desperately trying to fix things for tomorrow night. The fixing of the relationship is the man’s job. Rori teaches to totally let go of control and go into feminine energy. Trust him to lead and that his next step will be to truly love you and give you the relationship you want. If not, believe that there is someone out there that will be willing to give it to you. Your first husband left and when you were ready this one showed up. This is enough proof that you hold the power and that you can do it.



  107.  #107Femininewoman on July 21, 2011 at 8:43 pm

    By the way Jules you have a valuable resource in the Commitment Blueprint. When you mind is settled enough to stop pining over the man and absorb the material you will find how helpful it is. Right now I believe you need to bring the focus on yourself you can share how you feel, what you want and what you don’t want in your life. Remember too it is a relationship you want not that particular man. That wanting him might be too much pressure for one human being to handle.



  108.  #108alias girl on July 21, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    am considering a new experiment.

    what if…

    i go on a date with every single man who asks (unless he’s way creepy)

    why yes, i know this is exactly what rori recommends but i haven’t been doing it.

    and now considering it, i feel Very resistant.

    i just catastrophically imagine the most boring dates with men i feel no attraction for. 🙁

    or men who get ATTACHED in a milisecond and i feel overwhelmed.

    OK

    I feel up for this experiment.

    i feel ready for it.

    i have practiced enough that maybe i can do this.

    i feel very close to trying this.

    ok.

    maybe,



  109.  #109alias girl on July 21, 2011 at 9:22 pm

    OK! the experiment has BEGUN!

    i just emailed back to a man that i wouldn’t have before.

    YEs! this wil be FUN!



  110.  #110alias girl on July 21, 2011 at 9:24 pm

    oooohhhhh my numbers are gonna go Way up.

    MY VIBE IS GOING TO BE OUT OF THIS WORLD!

    a new level of goddessness.

    aw. yae.



  111.  #111ice Princess on July 21, 2011 at 9:30 pm

    #98, Rusty,

    Thanks, for your perspective. After sitting with it for several hours I think I am projecting things from my relationship with LP onto my friend which isn’t fair to her.



  112.  #112alias girl on July 21, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    since i am now stepping out of my life of cheap into Extravagance…

    starter items to practice extravagance:

    the burt’s bees sulfate free shampoo. i really want to try it. it’s only 7.99. but for me this feels extravagant.

    a concert ticket… could be what $60 $80 ? i don’t know. plus parking. this feels kind of extravagant to me.

    a trip to catalina. this is going to be $100 bare minimum and who wants to go to the island and then not doing anything? i would love to spend $500 here!

    a freaking computer. maybe $1500.

    these are my starters. i feel tight in my chest. i lttle despair. embarrassment. that feels like tight cheeks and a fidgety face. and a pout. anger. at self. that feels like where’s my flog for self flogging. lol. didn’t they used to do that in the 1800’s or something?

    i feel a deep breath. it’s ok. it’s going to be fun. i’ve already started saving. 🙂

    oh i just felt a heavy drop. hopelessness. NV. it will be no fun alone. why spend all that money at catalina ALONE? crtical voices. SCREW OFF! I’M GOING! AND IT’S GOING TO BE FUN!!

    but summer’s almost over. you should spend that money on other things. you’ll regret that impractical behavior. 🙁

    shut up NV.

    i feel conflicted. a little loser-ish. embarrassed.

    some people would laugh at $500. some people spend $500 on a blouse. and for me it would be this BIG THING.

    i feel embarrassed and crying. i feel embarrassed.



  113.  #113English Woman on July 21, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    FW you seem to have lots of good advise on here for the Sirens and you seem so Sireny yourself. 😀

    I do have the RR e-book and one of the sets of DVD’s but they are in storage in Australia (can’t remember which set I got now?)

    I have read HUNDREDS of self help books, CD’s, DVD’s, had counselling, been on seminars, retreats, etc. since I got divorced and am in a hell of a better place than I was 8 years ago…………however…………

    I would like to get to the level you are at, to have that much self love and I have a real problem with that, do you have any pointers on where to start as I just saw you telling Jules how you had been through a process to get where you are now, I have tried looking in the mirror and telling myself how I love me, but I don’t……….and how the hell is anybody going to love me really when I don’t even love myself?

    When I remember I do the Louise Hayes type affirmation “I love and approve of myself” but that’s about it really……….

    I did the SLV thing yesterday of buying myself a gift and bought a bunch of red roses because they are the symbol of love (and also because they were only £2 :D)

    I haven’t read any of this blog for at least 6 or 7 months as I got on with moving countries etc, but I feel I want to really get this RR stuff this time as my last time around I only dabbled as it were………….



  114.  #114English Woman on July 21, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    Oh and of course if anybody else has any great advise to give, my ears (and my heart??) are open……



  115.  #115alias girl on July 21, 2011 at 11:56 pm

    i feel so much more open with this online dating now. like i don’t have to scrutinize and judge and eliminate men anymore because pretty much if they ask, i will date them. my vibe is SO much more open now. i can feel it.



  116.  #116English Woman on July 22, 2011 at 12:21 am

    #115 Alias Girl

    I am very interested to see how this pans out for you, I hope you share all the ups and downs with your fellow Sirens. 🙂



  117.  #117Lercomari on July 22, 2011 at 12:22 am

    You need a man to take care of you. And right now – that man is YOU. Find your stalwart BOY inside you, and enlist him to help you get out in the world and love yourself better!

    This statement makes me feel angry. I don’t want to NEED a man…I feel like this contradicts all I have been learning from Rori, that I should be able to find my worth from myself and not from men or anyone else. Now this statement says to me, “You NEED a man, even if you have to muster up all your boy energy and be that man to yourself.” I feel triggered and mad at Rori for suggesting that no matter what I NEED a man!



  118.  #118Lercomari on July 22, 2011 at 12:25 am

    @alias girl 115

    I feel the same way too…relieved that I’m not scrutinizing men so much and just being open to receive from them, no matter who they are.



  119.  #119English Woman on July 22, 2011 at 12:32 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/get-more-love-by-doing-less/#comment-137281

    I’m sorry I can’t remember the name of the ladie on the previous thread where we were talking about making dinner and rubbing your partner’s back or whatever and it was called overfunctioning……I just came across this old blog this morning, wow oh wow!! SOOOOO much to learn have I!!!!!!!



  120.  #120alias girl on July 22, 2011 at 1:34 am

    #116 English Woman. Thanks! i feel supported. YES i will share the results. i feel nervous! i’m going to treat them all equal like rori suggests. schedule them in and anyone who gets to date status, gets to date me.

    #117 Lercomari i get what you’re saying. i feel curious. maybe rori was saying from laura’s perspective that’s how laura is acting. like “laura feels she needs a man to take care of her” and so rori is speaking in her paradigm and saying ‘right now, that man is gonna be YOU.’ ?

    and #115 oh, yeah, it was an immediate shift that i felt. like when emailing i feel so much friendlier and more curious. have you been cding a lot?



  121.  #121alias girl on July 22, 2011 at 1:37 am

    #113 English woman

    feel messages were, (for me), the single most powerful tool of rori’s. i would still like to use them even more than i do. but baby steps is perfect.



  122.  #122Lercomari on July 22, 2011 at 3:23 am

    @alias girl 120

    Yes I can understand, if she is speaking to Laura within her paradigm. It makes more sense when explained that way. But it still bothers me, because Rori has mentioned “Boy energy” before and I feel like she’s saying in this blog post, that boy energy is there to make you feel like you have a man in your life. I always thought the boy energy was the more rational, productive part of yourself, not a substitute of the man that you need in your life. That is how I’m looking at her statement.

    And as for CD-ing, there’s an online poetry group that I belong to and I know a lot of the guys are into me…so I’ve been talking to them more. I haven’t been dating offline though. I’m reluctant to start anything with anyone local right now (The poetry group I belong to is based in Ghana, W. Africa and i’m planning to travel back this year. I was hoping I’d have a few dates waiting for me when I arrive).



  123.  #123Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 3:31 am

    I am going to go out with (almost) every guy who asks…. why almost? I have a history of thinking that I am too good for EVERYBODY. Still getting over it.



  124.  #124Butterfly Wings on July 22, 2011 at 4:51 am

    Emoticon I love it! It’s not all bad thinking how you are. I suppose I’d rather think I’m too good for everybody than to think I’m not good enough.

    But the downside of both of those extremes is that you could probably end up alone, so a happy medium is a good thing! 🙂

    After reading the article here, I could see myself with my first ex hubby. I clung to him like you wouldn’t believe! So many times he threatened to end it with me, and each time I would act pathetic, begging him to change his mind… yuk!

    I don’t recognise that girl anymore, and funnily enough, the quality of the men in my life has improved significantly! Thank god!!! 😀



  125.  #125Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 5:11 am

    Hi Sirens
    Just catching up on the blog this morning…so many posts resonated with me. It’s hot here in Canada too and we are all managing aren’t we? I say beach, golf, tan lines………cause the snow will come all too soon!

    Ladies I turned 49 yesterday and it was good! I spent the day with my children and feel so lucky they are in my life………..I divorced their father some time ago and I can relate to the topic of this blog………..when I was married to him one of his favourite phrases was “why bark when you’ve got a dog?”. He thought it was funny. His friends and his father did too. It always made me sad and over the years it just spoke to me louder and louder…..and when he threatened to leave I would just “PANT” and overfunction even more. Until one day he said he was going to leave and I said “I think that’s a good idea”. I totally called his bluff and stuck to it and though it was a hard road for a while it was THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF and my children for that matter. It has take some years of baby steps back to self love but I am arriving and so happy that I can say at 49 I think I’m getting it.

    I love Rori’s work because it helps so much to “deprogramme’ the old stuff in new ways. I have slowly been coming up to speed with the CDing ….it doesn’t happen all at once. Some feel like friends, some not appropriate…some fall away and just stay in touch by email….even (as I’ve mentioned) I find the siren energy attracts married men as well…….and they help me strengthen my boundaries which feels great! I can trust ME! And I’ve been open to all of it…..men miles away who want to get to know me (via meeting online) and the guy in the supermarket that’s glancing my way…..all of it…..trying with baby steps to play and experiment with all of it…..and feeling triggered and taking time to move through that……oh what a great difference………I am so looking forward to turning 50 ha!

    and then golfed in the evening.



  126.  #126Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 5:14 am

    Happy birthday Patricia. Welcome to the club. It is fabulous.



  127.  #127Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 5:14 am

    the golf….why do I mention that? because it’s a new totally new sport for me that I am learning…..,along side the CDing it reminds me that anything new takes undoing, doing, practising, experimenting…..fortitude….feeling the yuck when it doesn’t go well…..feeling the little victories when it does…..so the learning with the CDing doesn’t feel “lonely” and I can see it happens with anything new we learn! My running I’ve done for years and I love it….but to do something new…..baby steps, growing pains…….new surprises……at any age!!!!



  128.  #128Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 5:15 am

    FW thank you! Girls the second half of life is fabulous….what a ride…….!



  129.  #129Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 5:16 am

    and……off to work……it’s such a pretty sunny warm day here….I hope to check in later….. 🙂



  130.  #130Butterfly Wings on July 22, 2011 at 5:25 am

    What I’ve learned with TH is that when I completely let go of any expectations, things work my way.

    For example, a while back he had feelings for someone else. They had an “affair” over a year ago and he still had unresolved feelings.

    Of course that felt just awful for me, and I really didn’t handle things very well. AT ALL…. And he didn’t respond to my actions all that well either… obviously…

    But eventually I got to a point where I really didn’t care whether he was in my life or not anymore, knowing I’d be ok either way. If he was, then great. But if not, then I get to go and find somebody else who wanted to be with just ME! There were positives to both!

    I said to him a couple of months ago, “You know what? If you want to be with her then go. I don’t want to be with a man who would rather be with somebody else!”. I tried several times to get him to just go but he wouldn’t for some reason.

    I expected him to thank me and then turn his back on me and go for her. But no. The complete opposite happened to my surprise.

    Now he’s hanging out at my house several times a week, buying me gifts, cooking me dinner, massaging my neck, giving me amazing cuddles, and really just trying to prove to me that he’s been worth the wait.

    I feel very happy and content right now and that’s because I changed my vibe. I was no longer focused on him, I knew I’d be ok without him and I honestly didn’t care what the outcome would be – I just wanted one or the other.

    Interesting how things turn out when you detach from the outcome….



  131.  #131Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 5:28 am

    Butterfly Wings I was listening to an ad today of music from the 70s about teenage love. Looking at some of the titles Run to Him,Breaking up is Hard to Do, I will follow Him, Everybody’s Somebodies Fool, All Alone Am I, Don’t Break the Heart that Loves You, listening to the words and thinking about the lies about romance in the Brothers Grimm in the Cinderella story and some others I comfort myself knowing that we were deluded by the media for years.



  132.  #132Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 5:34 am

    love it butterfly wings!!!



  133.  #133Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 5:35 am

    RE 117 Lercomari I totally get you and I do believe it is a good thing to feel that way. It tells me, at least, that you are beginning to feel that you are enough and that you are complete in yourself. Just take it as a lack of choice for better words. You go girl. Invite and inspire them because you want them.



  134.  #134Butterfly Wings on July 22, 2011 at 5:36 am

    OMG yes so it seems FW! No wonder us women are so confused these days…. :-\

    The hardest thing for me has been to step out of the masculine energy and into the feminine. I still struggle with that.

    And I think the chasing has a lot to do with needing to have control. I have learned sooo much! 🙂



  135.  #135Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 5:42 am

    @Butterfly wings, not just chasing but suggesting activities, calling etc. You are right it all has to do with trying to control the outcome



  136.  #136Butterfly Wings on July 22, 2011 at 5:44 am

    @Emoticon Yep so true, I used to do all of that too!



  137.  #137Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 5:47 am

    Butterfly wings. @130

    ……..yay!
    I so totally agree!

    I felt joyful and a sense of release and freedom reading your words!
    they feel so right!



  138.  #138Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 5:56 am

    RE 113 English Woman trust me I have a long way to go. I have done Louise Haye, Abraham Hicks, read a ton of stuff on emotional intelligence and read a lot from relationship coaches. Many of them say the same things and Rori’s Power and Self-Esteem category has tons of gems that I have gone through over and over again. I am a work in progress but I am determined to stay committed to loving myself because I rejected myself for too long. I continuously look in the mirror and talk to myself, I continuously hug myself, I continuously tell myself that I forgive myself for the past mistakes and forgive people who have hurt me in the past. I go through the names one by one and say it out loud. I am fiercely committed to myself and to seeing what I can create and re-present myself to the world to the point where some in my circle don’t even recognize me. One day my son said out loud “you are so fake” because he did not recognize me after making a public speech. My vibe is so much softer now and most of the anger he felt growing up is now gone. He is only 12 but he feels the difference and comments. I no longer hear the fake comment any more and both my kids are now aware of their love languages because of the book “The Five Love Languages” I read. There is so much out there to learn and to absorb but I am fiercely committed to changing my life – for the better. I have learnt a lot from Rori’s Interviews with Relationship Experts. I particularly loved the EFT with Susan Quinn http://susanquinn.net/blog/eliminate-blocks-to-establishing-a-relationship-using-an-eft-technique/2011/04/18/. It helped me a lot and where I first heard Rori say the words “I completely and profoundly love and accept myself”. These days I spend a lot of time walking, even though I am melting, and I say those things aloud and in my head when I do. I also imagine my heart opening and pouring love on myself and radiating it outward. It is amazing to see and feel the energy of people coming towards me. I had one negative experience this morning but I recognized that it was not about me. I was able to respond with compassion because I realized that she was rejecting herself.



  139.  #139Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 6:00 am

    RE 134 Butterfly Wings I no longer think of “struggling with it or that it is hard”. I believe that type of thinking builds up beliefs in head that eventually becomes blocks for me to overcome. I just practice relaxing into thinking of myself as a cat who just lazes around purring and waiting for someone to come pet me. When they do I just express how I feel. Feels silly sometimes but it is easy and something I never did because I was always giving and feeling angry. It feels peaceful most of the times now and even when I have to express my anger I can do so without feeling out of control or that I will be misunderstood.



  140.  #140Butterfly Wings on July 22, 2011 at 6:02 am

    137: Patricia says:

    Butterfly wings. @130

    ……..yay!
    I so totally agree!

    I felt joyful and a sense of release and freedom reading your words!
    they feel so right!

    ————————–
    I’m so glad you felt that way after reading what I had to say.

    I could write a book about my life and the last year in particular, and I have learned so much. The letting go part and just detaching from the outcome works every time to bring you what you want. In my case is was calm and happiness, which is how I’m feeling now. 🙂



  141.  #141Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 6:13 am

    RE 112 alias girl I just love your riffing. I am experimenting with that too. Just yesterday I bought some stuff for $58 though I kept telling myself I can’t afford it but I figure I can make it up by the end of next month, plus I deserve it.



  142.  #142Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 6:13 am

    101: Femininewoman says:

    I am curious to know if Rusty has read your posts Luzydel and what he thinks.

    ————————————————-

    No I haven’t. Only been skimming while taking a break from my Biology class.

    Which post?



  143.  #143Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 6:18 am

    Rusty 66, 80 and 95.



  144.  #144Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 7:13 am

    Well, it seems that at least she recognizes that it is something she is doing, which puts her way ahead of the game because most people tend to want to put it all on the other people. Usually, if everybody is treating you the same, you have to recognize that the common factor there is you.

    Like I told my daughter, if all of your teachers are saying the same thing about you, the common factor there is YOU, so you can’t just put it off on the teacher.

    Something I noted in the first post, she said, “Nothing to make me hold my breath.” This always triggers me and I know my message has been completely misunderstood, and I understand that is my fault. I have not stated it in terms that people can understand.

    However, there is a movie that I liked that Tom Hanks made a long time ago. he was an advertising exec, and I think it was called “Nothing In Common.” Yes, that’s it. Anyway, Tom Hanks is a bit of a Playboy and an up and coming advertising exec. His dad even asks him, upon learning he is in bed with a woman, “Anyone you know?”

    In other words, Tom, like most Playboys is looking for something that doesn’t exist. A woman that makes him hold his breath. A perfect woman.

    Meanwhile, there is another woman in Hank’s life. If I remember right, she is either an Ex-wife, or an ex-fiancee, or an ex-GF, but they are still very good friends.

    At the end of the movie, they are sitting together on a park bench talking to each other and they reach out and hold hands and agree that “This is comfortable.” In other words, they come to the understanding that chasing after excitement isn’t what it is all cracked up to be, that in a mate, “comfortable” is going to be able to stand the test of time.

    With Luzy, I wonder if there isn’t an added element. She knows she is reaching for the stars and so something inside of her tells her that, “It will fail” so she never allows herself to become comfortable, and thus the man never gets to become comfortable.

    My thinking is that either she has to address that, or maybe find guys that she feels comfortable with. This will allow a real relationship to bloom.

    Just my humble opinion based on the limited amount of info in those three posts.



  145.  #145Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 7:21 am

    English Woman thought I would share this that I had saved from another coach.

    Carol Allen

    The more you know how to harness your body’s Heart Intelligence, the more peaceful, happy, and grateful you are.And this makes you VERY attractive! Others can FEEL the energy of your heart. (Like MEN!) It’s been proven that by just standing near someone, they can sense your heart energy for good or bad…And when you touch someone, you send an electrical signal from your heart to their brain that also can make them feel good or bad. These ways of interacting with others, which cannot be sensed intellectually or physically, can be FELT by a man and attract him to you in that deep, spiritual way… or put him off.
    If you’re in a “good” heart place, he’ll feel at ease when he’s with you. It will invite him to be in his own good heart energy. This will allow him to feel more like himself. He won’t know why, but he’ll know that he feels great around you. But if you’re not in a good heart place… Well, then, you know…Here’s the GOOD NEWS about Heart Intelligence: It’s something that can be consciously improved. This will make everyone in your life more impressed with you. And when you do meet HIM (or when you’re around that special someone you already know) he will be, too. He’ll be drawn to you, but he won’t know exactly why. He’ll crave your company and feel energized by your presence.



  146.  #146Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 7:35 am

    lol yeh I agree about he Heart Intelligence and the vibe it puts out……..the siren vibe…….like a flower people can scent and are drawn too…..it’s powerful stuff when we start to exude it…..attracts all kinds……which can be fun……………the question I have ladies is how much are we responsible for what happens because of it? lol imagine the guy who drives into the shrubs because of the beautiful woman walking by……..I like to think we are responsible for wearing it well…..but can’t always have a say in who is attracted and why………….they just are….!!!
    🙂



  147.  #147Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 7:37 am

    RE 144 hhhmm really interesting in depth analysis.



  148.  #148Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Patricia your comments remind me of these that I had saved from someone’s comments in the past

    “- I am the rarest, most delicate and most fragrant of flowers, drawing you with my intoxicating scent, to come close and to inhale.
    My heart is a magical forest of light and shade, of all the emotions . . . raising the desire in you to explore and get to know every little detail, every nuance . . to identify and to be healed through my heart .
    My body is a golden sea of pure pleasure, inviting you to swim . . to play . . to freedom . . to ecstasy . .”



  149.  #149Mel on July 22, 2011 at 7:41 am

    So how does one get to a “good heart place?”



  150.  #150ice Princess on July 22, 2011 at 7:46 am

    I’m wondering what you all would do in my situation. I left things with LP cold and closed off so I have a feeling he fears contacting me. Should I re-open the line of communication or let things go altogether? And, if so what would you say to open things back up?



  151.  #151Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 7:52 am

    FW @ 148

    oh wow how beautiful…………..and so much fun!



  152.  #152Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 7:52 am

    RE 149/150 I saw a message from tinque on another thread to someone else that he feels it in the “ether” as we begin to do things that our hearts desire, as in Mel going after the overseas jobs, and our hearts begin to sing, to feel lighter we move closer and closer to that place because our hearts become softer and peaceful. As we move into our creativity our lives become happier because we are honoring our heart and our feelings, is how I understand it. As we open our hearts and this begin to happen for me I find I don’t have to reach out, people are “magnitized” toward me. Earlier this year I had an ex call from overseas saying he deeply felt something but don’t know what it was. Just that he needed to connect with me to let me know he was ready to move forward with me. I was practicing my siren speeches out loud “I am ready for marriage” etc. I was shocked when he called after not hearing from him in years. He told me in one trial he was able to pull up my number from his brain.



  153.  #153Mel on July 22, 2011 at 7:55 am

    That’s cool FW! Thanks. 🙂



  154.  #154Camille on July 22, 2011 at 7:56 am

    I dont know if any of you read my previous blog…..but maybe these last comments answer my question……Is opening my heart and becoming more open all that I need to do when I feel like I want to express my feelings to him……….is stillness and openess the better approach than sharing how I feel about our conversation last night?



  155.  #155ice Princess on July 22, 2011 at 7:56 am

    So, FW, you think continuing no contact and doing my own thing is the bes thing?



  156.  #156Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 7:58 am

    @152
    as this relates to this thread
    I agree……..I have had more and more experience with this heart energy recently than before……it’s not like a switch, it ‘s about feelings and when I”m in it it feels more like waves………..and it comes and goes………probably because I’ve spent so many years in my head…………..and during the day I do have to be in my head or boy energy……..organizing children, work, etc. but too much of it feels draining………I have to consciously move towards heart energy and vibe again and usually things that do it are non verbal/spatial/kinda feeling things like certain music, art, environments, being in nature, dancing, day dreaming, mindful things like paying attention to smells, colours…..and it comes back and I feel it and I love it…..it’s receptive, welcoming……easier, flows……..dynamic, unexplainable….and yes men who pick up on it often say they feel allured…….drawn in and can’t explain why……..they sometimes move into it and then sometimes it surprises them and they stop for a minute if they feel it’s at the wrong time or inappropriate because they ‘re married…….but they can’t help themselves……and I know that ‘s about them not me….some of them can only take it in certain “doses” ……..but they always want more….they’ll say things like “it’s tough to be good around you” or ” I feel drawn to you but don’t know why”….or it’s a look they give you……etc..



  157.  #157ice Princess on July 22, 2011 at 8:09 am

    Ooo…I can’t wait to get to that place Patricia!



  158.  #158Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 8:13 am

    I agree….but I will say and this is just based on my experience…it’s not something you can force or set up…..in the true spirit of the nature of it itself you have to be open to it……..imagine keeping a part of you open to it and surrendering to it….when it starts to flow and then letting it happen……..not analyzing it but trusting it……….creating a safe space within you for it to want to be there…………..to want to grow…….setting the inner landscape up for this heart energy to thrive……imagine doing things that set up this inner landscape….like the music, like the sensual environment………inviting it in……….when its’ ready………..you’ll sense when it shows up because everything relaxes in you………everything feels ok……..it almost feels like “life force”..that’s the best way I can explain it and our job is to be ready for it and invite it in and let it live in us……….and radiate………others totally pick this up and want to be in this space too………..



  159.  #160Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 8:18 am

    RE 155 Yep. My own thing now includes dancing, letting them music in and letting it move my heart.



  160.  #161Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 8:19 am

    wow great that this was reviewed on the log before! I love it…..if anyone is open to mantras there are some beautiful ones out there that are easily accessible…..here is one that I really love and when I shared it with a good guy friend of mine (who is a scorpio by the way and when I shared it I told him I was letting him into a private side of me……and he was open to it and fell in love with the music)

    it’s

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d63COahIpVM



  161.  #162Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 8:21 am

    it’s a piece of music I love and really helps open me to heart energy



  162.  #163marina on July 22, 2011 at 8:23 am

    FW wow that is beautiful!

    just a quickie…
    I knew I would come to the blog today but not why… I just ran into an old classmate from high school… omg I feel like I did everything wrong… he has become so hottt… And I got all nervous and starting to talk ab bad experiences with work and all and he was so friendly and saying do you feel concerned ab that etc.



  163.  #164tinque on July 22, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Lercomari – The way I interpret that statement is that we have boy and girl energy inside, and we NEED to utilize one or the other depending on the situation. We don’t need a man. We need the same kind of energy. When it’s called for.

    Make better sense?

    xxoo



  164.  #165Camille on July 22, 2011 at 8:29 am

    Patricia, Thank you for sharing that, absolutely exquisite—beautiful. Thank you



  165.  #166ice Princess on July 22, 2011 at 8:41 am

    I’m starting doing stuff for myself by heading out to the beach.



  166.  #167Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 8:52 am

    oh yes Camille and do share, share share the wealth!!!



  167.  #168tinque on July 22, 2011 at 8:55 am

    Hey Everyone – I am having a party over on my new site to launch its newly revealed gorgeousness. It’s a Treasure Hunt game complete with prizes. Anyone who successfully completes the game wins something. If you would like join in the fun, go here:

    http://sexandheart.com/tinques-treasure-hunt-enter-your-email

    xxoo



  168.  #169Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 9:06 am

    YAY Tinque!! Doing it right now!!



  169.  #170Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 9:42 am

    @Tinque – what word are we unscrambling. The answers to the clues are many words



  170.  #171Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 9:42 am


  171.  #172Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

    This is from Bob Grant
    Regardless of who the enabler was, a man who lies is used to others taking responsibility for HIS choices.

    If you’re involved with this type of man, here are three things to remember:

    1) Every time he lies, treat it the same as if he slapped you in the face.
    If he slapped you, I’m certain you wouldn’t tolerate it. You wouldn’t make excuses for that behavior. If you didn’t leave him, you’d certainly make it clear to him that if it ever happened again you’d leave.

    2) Expect Him to Get Angry
    Since men lie to avoid unpleasant circumstances, expect him to get upset when he realizes that you won’t tolerate his lies. He may try and blame you or call you names but don’t accept those excuses.

    3) Remember this rule with men
    Men won’t tell you this, but I will. Deep in the heart of every man, they believe this: “If you can’t handle me when I’m rude or disrespectful, then I can’t trust you when I’m scared.” It will likely feel scary when he gets upset, but he needs to know that you won’t tolerate or make excuses for his lies.

    Will he leave you? Sometimes men who lie do leave a woman because they don’t actually want to be involved emotionally with an adult woman. Instead they want someone who loves them no matter how they act – like a mother does with her 3 year old son.

    If he stays, he’ll start to look at you differently because you were the one woman who stood up to him, the woman who wouldn’t tolerate his bad behavior.



  172.  #173Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 9:57 am


  173.  #174Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

    I got it Tinque. It was fun!! By the way the site looks and makes me feel sexy. Still have it open, browsing interested in reading old blog posts and following the blog.



  174.  #175DE on July 22, 2011 at 10:00 am

    Got on Pof for the 1st time in my life on Sunday…

    Not bad …

    I had contacts immediately…and lots of requests to meet/talk/etc…Again the same feeling as before on Match, I felt overwhelmed…

    I felt panicky…and negative voices reminding me “u don’t have time for this…or they would think u are a player if u don’t agree to meet soon…:(”

    I feel reluctnat to back and forth emails for more than 3 for me…i prefer phone conversation and meeting in person sooner than later…

    Anyway…I agreed to a Wednesday meet up…I told him it would feel good to have confirmation in the day of preferable in by noon …

    He called around 3pm…and he didn’t leave a message…for two days he txt morning and evening…yet, not on Wednesday 🙂 I felt a bit amused to notice…
    So, he didn’t leave a message…and I didn’t call back…so we didn’t meet…
    Yesterday, I get a txt from him “how am I doing?” I felt in a good mood so I answered “I feel great, how about u?” He asked again “when we are meeting?” I answered “i would love to meet with u…we were supposed to last nite…” he answered…”well, yes, i called u but u didn’t call back…”
    and then he called me…i could not talk right then, so i called him back in a couple of hrs.
    well, i expressed to him that it doesn’t feel good to me to call people back when they don’t leave a message…it feels like assuming…when it could have been a simple error…or nothing important…
    i could feel his energy building up…he said “when u have agreed to meet someone…and they call u to confirm…at least u should call them back…”
    I was quiet…i really wanted to feel the uncomfortable feeling…:( and i did…he asked “are u there?” i said “yes…i feel uncomfortable and actually bad about this conversation…i would like to end it…” he answered “i don’t want to talk to u no more…”…i answered…”okay…good bye…”

    hmm…how did i feel ab it? hmm…i felt a bit sad…but no longer uncomfortable…maybe relief…oh…some confusion and doubts maybe i am tooo linned back…



  175.  #176tinque on July 22, 2011 at 10:02 am

    Emoticon – When you go to the location where you find the answer to the questions, the letters will be there.

    xxoo



  176.  #177DE on July 22, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Got on Pof for the 1st time in my life on Sunday…

    Not bad …

    I had contacts immediately…and lots of requests to meet/talk/etc…Again the same feeling as before on Match, I felt overwhelmed…

    I felt panicky…and negative voices reminding me “u don’t have time for this…or they would think u are a player if u don’t agree to meet soon…:(”

    I feel reluctant to back and forth emails for more than 3 for me…i prefer phone conversation and meeting in person sooner than later…

    Anyway…I agreed to a Wednesday meet up…I told him it would feel good to have confirmation in the day of preferable in by noon …

    He called around 3pm…and he didn’t leave a message…for two days he txt morning and evening…yet, not on Wednesday 🙂 I felt a bit amused to notice…
    So, he didn’t leave a message…and I didn’t call back…so we didn’t meet…

    Yesterday, I get a txt from him “how am I doing?” I felt in a good mood so I answered “I feel great, how about u?” He asked again “when we are meeting?” I answered “i would love to meet with u…we were supposed to last nite…” he answered…”well, yes, i called u but u didn’t call back…”

    and then he called me…i could not talk right then, so i called him back in a couple of hrs.
    well, i expressed to him that it doesn’t feel good to me to call people back when they don’t leave a message…it feels like assuming…when it could have been a simple error…or nothing important…
    i could feel his energy building up…he said “when u have agreed to meet someone…and they call u to confirm…at least u should call them back…”

    I was quiet…i really wanted to feel the uncomfortable feeling…:( and i did…he asked “are u there?” i said “yes…i feel uncomfortable and actually bad about this conversation…i would like to end it…” he answered “i don’t want to talk to u no more…”…i answered…”okay…good bye…”

    hmm…how did i feel ab it? hmm…i felt a bit sad…but no longer uncomfortable…maybe relief…oh…some confusion and doubts maybe i am not doing the right thing…i am not being fair…i dunno…

    will ponder some more…

    giving myself some self-love…and hugs…



  177.  #178tinque on July 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Okay good. Never mind above then. It feels good having you come visit Emotican. 🙂

    xxoo



  178.  #179DE on July 22, 2011 at 10:04 am

    Gosh, the site “stole” my comment without me sending it…:( arghh…i wish there was the option to just delete some…:(



  179.  #180DE on July 22, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Oh, another one who’s been calling me for over a month…poofed too…or maybe not…he deleted me on fb though…lol

    Last nite, i had another meeting…it was okay…but like he said…”i might be too wild for u…”…i smiled 🙂 there was no need to answer it…:)

    Tonite, I am supposed to meet another one…i am not feeling too good today…so, i might reschedule it…

    i am not active on pof no more…still have plenty of guys to respond to on emails…will see…



  180.  #181la chiquita bonita on July 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

    Dear sirens and Rori Raye,
    when I feel an urge to tell am man that I am bothered by something, or that there was something that I dont tolerate, or anything with a negative connotatican on to it….I hear it back to myself before I say it and it feels incredibly dramatic. I dont speak dramatically and I can say thing in a calm tone but for whatever reason a little voice inside my head says that if I say these things they will be a TURN OFF and that it will be dramatic and that I am some kind of irrational diva. How can I fight through this? I feel stuck. I cant somehow say when something is bothering me to a man because I fear it will make him annoyed, discomforted, frustrated and will then leave me. this is a really powerful feeling and I am just so frustrated and sad at the moment. Any advice? many times I cant even pick up on my anger until a couple hours later when I playback the situation, thats how much I block negative feelings from showing



  181.  #182Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 10:11 am

    RE 179 It was great reading. Interesting guy, maybe has a big ego.



  182.  #183Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

    RE 181 Say it to a man you are not attracted to that way there will be no fear of him leaving you.



  183.  #184DE on July 22, 2011 at 10:23 am

    Hmm…i think i did a no-no by Rori…:( I mentioned about the meeting we were supposed to have …we are not supposed to remind them ab the past…

    but, he asked when we should meet…i felt a bit awkward…ya…that’s right…i felt awkward…and i didn’t say it…

    i should have responded …”oh, i feel awkward …it was my understanding we were supposed to last nite…”

    but instead, i responded with a fact and i didn’t use a feeling message in addressing his request to meet…

    also, answering to someone when u are busy (and i was pretty occupied) doesn’t help…

    it’s okay to take my time to respond…

    yes, yes, that’s it…



  184.  #185la chiquita bonita on July 22, 2011 at 10:26 am

    femininewoman, I have thought about that but its too bad I am so fixated on the ones I do care about. The ones I dont care about I just brush it off because I think I dont want to hurt their feelings this is so crazy I think I do alot of projecting. Im so glad to get this out Im gonna speak up with those Im not attracted to no matter what Im tired of always thinking about the other person before me, thanks



  185.  #186la chiquita bonita on July 22, 2011 at 10:33 am

    o my gosh I just figured something out the reason I dont like to express my anger and even other feelings at times is because through rori raye I actually figured out that this stuff actually works. It really does and it brings the man closer…I start to wonder…what if I dont like him and like someone else? isnt it messed up to bring him close and lead him on?
    because I know that expressing my feelings will bring a man close I feel that it will lead him on and I feel bad. I feel bad that hes so into me. How strange…its like im aware that I actually do have the potential for someone to fall in love with me I have that inner confidence and I feel bad because what if hes not the one? what if I like someone else?



  186.  #187Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 10:41 am

    RE 186 Could this be fear of intimacy?



  187.  #188Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 10:48 am

    o my gosh I just figured something out the reason I dont like to express my anger and even other feelings at times is because through rori raye I actually figured out that this stuff actually works. It really does and it brings the man closer…I start to wonder…what if I dont like him and like someone else? isnt it messed up to bring him close and lead him on?
    because I know that expressing my feelings will bring a man close I feel that it will lead him on and I feel bad. I feel bad that hes so into me. How strange…its like im aware that I actually do have the potential for someone to fall in love with me I have that inner confidence and I feel bad because what if hes not the one? what if I like someone else?

    ————————————————–

    That is a dilemma. You practice on men you aren’t interested in. You learn to do things right, he responds correctly and falls in love, you send him packing as soon as he does, because after all, you were just practicing and do not want him.

    So now this man carries that experience with him and it affects him in the future. his feedback will be that the way he acted does not work for him. His experience will make him not trust the next woman who acts similarly, though she may want to have a LTR with him.

    Thinking about this, I am pretty sure that Rori would not want you to practice with a man such that you lead him on into thinking that he can have a relationship with you.

    The practicing I have seen mentioned is just flirting and being open to men you meet. Even though you know you don’t want them long term.

    I don’t recall seeing anything about practicing making a man fall in love with you with men that you don’t love, and won’t love.



  188.  #189Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 10:55 am

    Rusty can you tell me how to “make a man fall in love”?



  189.  #190Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 11:03 am

    I can think of a few ways. LOL 😉



  190.  #191Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 11:05 am

    I would love to know what they are!



  191.  #192Mel on July 22, 2011 at 11:12 am

    Should I get Sirens, targeting Mr. Right, or Love Scripts?

    I can only afford one… which would you sirens recommend for me?



  192.  #193Mel on July 22, 2011 at 11:13 am

    I would like to know that too Rusty! 😉



  193.  #194Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

    Rusty, do u have a blog?



  194.  #195Lilybelle on July 22, 2011 at 11:28 am

    C’mon, RMan.

    We are listening.



  195.  #196Femininewoman on July 22, 2011 at 11:30 am

    Commitment Blueprint seems to be most people’s favorite and was recommended by Daria when the same question was asked by others at least twice.



  196.  #197Brenda on July 22, 2011 at 11:39 am

    I’m finally getting caught up, and, embarrassingly enough, this article by Rori probably resonates more with me than any other. I feel like, “Gulp!” with embarrassment, realizing (oncest again) that is so how I have interacted with Ryan. I see the dynamics just a little more clearly.

    But I am loving myself through all the deep inner growth and realizations, because I can only start where I’m at. And recognizing where I’m at is half the success.

    Thank you again, Rori, because with the two years I have been studying your approach, I have filled my life with other activities. I can’t say my life is outright happy, but at least I am surrounded by a lot of good people and have lots of productive activities: going to church 3 times a week, which is the highlight of my week; visiting my Mom; swimming; walking; and the list goes on.

    Now Ryan is back in my life, and it’s time to work even more deeply on not puppy-dogging to him like a doormat. Baby steps.



  197.  #198Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 11:46 am

    Amen, baby steps…. the take you far, believe it or not



  198.  #199Senior Lady Vibe on July 22, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    @117: Lercomari says:
    “…Now this statement says to me, “You NEED a man, even if you have to muster up all your boy energy and be that man to yourself.” I feel triggered and mad at Rori for suggesting that no matter what I NEED a man!…”

    Not to worry. I take that to mean… I need me, all of me. I can use all of me to keep me happy. I can call it my little boy, my boy side of me, even my “Sweetie.” I have many parts. I will use all!

    I like the way Luzydel CDs herself also: “me and myself.” I also have… “me, myself and I.” Three! If
    “me” is unavailable, “I “can always take “myself” on CD.
    LOL 😆
    😀



  199.  #200Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    195: Lilybelle says:

    C’mon, RMan.

    We are listening.

    ———————————————–

    My handlers tell me I am in big trouble if I give away that kind of info. Very top secret stuff right there. 😉



  200.  #201Senior Lady Vibe on July 22, 2011 at 12:17 pm

    @125: Patricia

    Happy Birthday!
    from me and the guys…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztoSUhbNntQ&feature=related

    😀



  201.  #202Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    194: Emoticon says:

    Rusty, do u have a blog?

    ______________________________________________–

    Nah, sorry, but I do not.



  202.  #203Senior Lady Vibe on July 22, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    @128: Patricia says:
    “… Girls the second half of life is fabulous….what a ride…….!..”

    I’m still in my first half although I’m a little older than you. Wheeeeeeeee!

    😀



  203.  #204Senior Lady Vibe on July 22, 2011 at 12:57 pm

    @62: Jules says:
    “…Please help!

    …Memorial Day weekend got in HUGE argument over his female friend (he told her something very personal about the two of us and I felt very betrayed)…”

    This is a red flag of a serious boundary issue–a breach of intimacy–that must be addressed. It’s important that your feelings and expectations be expressed and acknowledged and that both of you agree to live on the same page.

    You are in an engagement period now and you have time and space to resolve these difficulties. I suggest you do not let them go forward into your marriage. Bad feelings are a clue that something is wrong. Pay attention to how you are feeling. That is the major rule that Rori stresses.

    “– Bought beautiful ring.
    –Deposits everywhere (he paid for everything) and honeymoon flight tickets booked.
    –He sold his house in a week and moved into mine in May…
    –My heart is breaking. Our beautiful wedding is most likely off…”

    Stuffing down your feelings and telling yourself it’s your fault in order to keep your wedding plans intact is not the way to go.

    Texting, arguments and staying in and out of hotels are just distractions. Do not focus on them; they do not repair discord. A “wedding” is a wonderful celebration but it is a party, an event. A “marriage” is your life together. Getting that right is the important thing.

    xoxo
    ~



  204.  #205Daria on July 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    Daria really wants to create an herbal first aid kit for herself

    freakin… i was feeling so happy that my burn was healing Exceptionally well… and then i started covering it up for aesthetic reasons … and… it got infected!

    more each day and it was growing and tea tree and small applications of acv didnt seem to be helping right away (next time i would try long term applications but i was so busy running around new york)

    so now that i just got to Romania i went to the emergency room (free) and they cleaned it with iodine i think it was…

    and gave me local anesthetic shots and now bandaged it up and gave me an antibiotic, i think its kinda like a cypro

    to take for 5 days

    so i feel pist but it felt good taht my lil cousins at least felt me on the antibiotic concern

    so i will just drink a liter of fresh yoghurt each day and i have probiotics with me

    i had just cleared up that yeast infection

    so who knows maybe this antibiotic thing will help clear any remaining uti bacteria or what not (cuz i was feeling a touch of that on the plane)

    i felt EXCELLENT on the plane

    i am learning about this medicine thing

    i want to have yarrow tincture or a salve thats what i wanted to make sure to heal an infection

    i love me!

    and at least the creme she prescribed seems to be a kind of sulphur/silver mix and i can get down with that

    i am going to research plant name translations cuz this is the place to stock up on oils, im gonna get a BIG bottle of St John’s wart oil at the pharmacy and maybe find some other stuff



  205.  #206Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    oops no i don’t send men packing as soon as they are in love
    they actually leave on their own



  206.  #207Ella on July 22, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Hey Sirens,

    Well J text me back last night. And I was feelinglonely and bored and I text him back and leaned forward and asked him to come over and see me. I used the exact words he used before when we were talking on IM and I said no…

    He was always the one I had decided I would be ok to be flexible with my no hang out boundary.

    And he said yes. And he came over.

    And I am having a fling! 🙂

    He is still gorgeous, and he is still very young, lol, and I feel really good with him.

    He stayed all night and we were sexual and then he stayed all day and we spent the day in bed cuddling, kissing, talking and being sexual.

    It felt great.

    A LOT of stuff came up for me.

    Lots of NVs, esp around the sex and at one point I just tensed up and became overwhelmed and I couldn’t do it. So we stopped.

    And I felt so AFRAID and akward.. And I wanted to shut down and cover up how I was feeling and I laid there quietly for ages processing my feelings and then finally I expressed.

    I was convinced he would make an excuse and leave… and he didn’t.

    And when I told him how I was feeling he went all soft towards me and held me.

    And a LOAD of stuff came up to heal… including my issues with sex, and my vagina tensing up. And I can trace all this back to when my last relationship (wih the guy I was going to marry) became sexless and he shut down and stopped sleeping with me without telling me why.

    Well all the insecurities popped up and I felt stupid ad awkward to have so many hang ups.

    And I expressed how I felt without ‘dumping’ and amazingly it just drew him in closer to me!

    Seriously I never ever expected it would work out like this.

    And he offered me a relationship… and I decided to give him the no girlfriend speech.

    And it felt scary but I see that this is a fling, not the committed relationship I am holding out for.

    But what an amazing, lovely, healing fling.

    And he didn’t stop telling me how beautiful I am and kissing me.

    And OMG he is SOOOO good in bed I actually felt intimdated, but he stuck with it through all that which allowed me to gradually feel relaxed. And when I did I began to feel Rockstar.

    And I am actually considering having sexual exclusivity with him and taking him as a lover.

    I feel free and fun when I am with him.

    We are going clubbing tomorrow.

    And I also caught myself quite a few times when I was making stuff about him instead of me, and when I was thinking of him as thr prize a couple of times!

    Now my practice is keeping the focus on me, remembering I am the prize and he is lucky to get time with me…

    Also gotta watch the leaning forward.

    Re-address the balance.

    And keep my vibe totally Rockstar and about me.

    I am seeing him tomorrow to go clubbing with the group.

    I am glad I leant forward this time and now I will practice leaning back BUT staying OPEN!!



  207.  #208Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    hey hey hey! i feel good!

    i have been doing AMAZING practice… feeling my star energy swirling and keeping my lens open really works for me out of Love Scripts

    the other night in new york i actually manifested a man last minute to take me dancing, but then it got siderailed…

    AND I SPOKE UP THAT I FELT ANGRY ! i felt tihg tin my body

    and i decided to leave! peacefullly! wow and he even walked me and it felt amazing that i moved so quickly!

    i also ended my previous CD that day with YonkersMan early, I was the one who decided to leave

    and i was able to be open and talk about sex, and keep my heart open! wow

    ive been doing AMAZING
    with leaning back feeling feelings and letting the energy shake through me

    weee

    and so ive been feeling healthier as in this plane ride felt fun and amazing and i feel healthy

    woooo!

    i really like “giving myself up” to the horse too

    and it felt really fun watching the movie Tangled on the plane. i know Rori said she rescues him a lot… she does… but other times her fun energy feels so feminine and infectious

    yum

    also Gnomeo and Juliet felt fun

    and “just go with it”



  208.  #209Ella on July 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Overall making love with him felt GREAT and loving and connected and when we were making love a couple of times I felt disconnected and it felt like it was just about the sex and a couple of times it stopped feeling good and I didn’t express.

    And at these times I felt like I was betraying myself.

    But I caught myself.

    And then I spoke up. And I stopped, even though I felt afraid that he would judge me for stopping, it is what I wanted to do.

    And I practiced finding my voice and asking him when I wanted him to be gentler etc…

    I wanted more eye contact during sex and I understand that is very intense and connected.

    And there was some.

    And overall the sex felt really good, although I am babystepping to speaking up sooner and ALWAYS putting me first.

    Babysteps.



  209.  #210Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    wait Rori was talking about “Enchanted”… i wonder what Rori would think of “Tangled” … she rescues him about a thousand times, and … he rescues her too! he sacrifices himself for her! ohhh

    and hes a lll a bad ass daredevil and not bad at getting stuff done himself

    awww

    it felt so FUN to watch



  210.  #211Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    ok im reading an article and Yarrow may heal the surface to quickly too (which is why i didn’t use the Comfrey once i noticed an infection). Ive never had anything get infected before…

    but now i know heat & humidity plus covered up vulnerable skin is no bueno

    so i woudl go with Plantain to suck up puss then

    ew hehe

    i love me



  211.  #212Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:31 pm

    i feel like crying that i can learn about these herbs and have them to use… and how amazing when i start making my oil

    thank you Goddess thank you!



  212.  #213Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Ella – yay ! go you ! for your new lover and healing ! yayayay



  213.  #214Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    I feel so happy and sexy when i work out. I started working out again this morning. I am so happy 2day, spent the day with family and my brother is a newly wed. He treats his wife so well, but i notice how much of a natural siren she is. They only met 2 yrs ago but they got married sunday. He had no reservations about it. When he said his vows i was brought to tears. I felt so much like he really meant it and they way he speaks about her jus makes me so happy. I can sense love from a mile away. I am learning from their relationship. He did mention that she contacted him in the beginning to hang out. which means its okay to lean forward just a little, cuz guys can be discouraged sometimes but no more masculine energy after that.

    He does EVERYTHING for her. He cooks, he takes care of their baby, he does the groceries and EVERYTHING. I feel so hopeful seeing this!! Soooo hopeful!!



  214.  #215Lilybelle on July 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    200:

    First FBI Profiles, now Special Op’s.



  215.  #216Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    i am a brave goddess!



  216.  #217marina on July 22, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    I am just walking along here… I thought that meeting my old classmate was perhaps some practice for the after work drink I was going to. But apparently it was not. I went there with a friend of mine. I thought it was going to be fun. But the minute we walked in there she statted to talk about the kind of people who were there and that they were all dumb shallow peeps and just coming there to score and get laid. We did have a fun time watching those people and talking about what was going on. But I also felt so naive. I always think everybody deserves a change and I should be polite to people. But she could just see through them. And I wish I could just see the true nature of people like that . Of acknowledge that we have very little in common and I don’t always have to adept and try to fit in….. Whats it gonna be Reality or Ideals???



  217.  #218Daria on July 22, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    yay Emoticon ! – yes as long as the vibe is siren, the outside stuff doesn’t seem to matter – rockstar!

    however the vibe really really has to be authentically self loving… its a feeling really…



  218.  #219lm on July 22, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    daria @ 65:

    can you tell me what you mean by ‘abraham stuff’? i feel curious…



  219.  #220marina on July 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    I feel a bit disappointed in one of my other ideals too. The Perfect Relationship of my male BFF…. I really thought they had the perfect love and marriage together. He says she is a princess and I always thought that she is such a goddessylike natural Siren.. I was always a bit afraid of her bc I thought that if I would be with her others would see even better the big difference between her Sirenness and my cluelessness… Now I just feel compassion for her. I hope thst they will find a way to work it out together.
    I wonder why I felt intimidated by her Sirenness and felt lesser than. This happens a lot actually. Like I think yhere is a quota of Sirens and if you don’t make it to be in…you are way out. Hmmm crazy thought. There is enough space in this wlrld for every woman to become and be her own unique Siren.
    yeah that thought feels better 🙂



  220.  #221Ella on July 22, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Thanks Daria 🙂 xx



  221.  #222Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    marina – that sounds like you had some awesome practice indeed!

    i wouldnt buy into the ‘judging people’ is better, otherwise im naive belief…

    but i know i sometimes have it, and i imagine most humans do



  222.  #223Ella on July 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    I am at home having some time to myself.

    And I am feeling tired.

    And I love my tired.

    And I am feeling fear that if I don’t accept a relationship offer from J that he will go away and it feels scary and like wanting to cling.

    And the truth is its ok if he did go away and anyway he loves me and wants to be around me because I am an amazing Siren.

    And I am practicing recieving attention from a man who I consider to be really good looking, and more hotties have been showing up recently – yay!

    I feel tempted to say ‘Yes’ to a ‘for now’ relationship with J, and actually that would really be crumbs… if very tasty ones!!

    Because it is not what I want.

    I want to be married.

    I love my fear that I will not get what I want.

    I LOVE ME!



  223.  #224Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    215: Lilybelle says:

    200:

    First FBI Profiles, now Special Op’s.

    ——————————————

    I’m a man of many..*ahem* ..talents. 😛



  224.  #225Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    Ella, I’m glad things appear to be working out for you. I’m very happy that J seems to be much more mature than his age would suggest. He might be young and not know for sure what he wants in the long term, but he seems to be a great guy and seems to care deeply about you. That is a very good thing in my opinion.

    It also reinforces my opinion that if you just open up in a vulnerable way to a guy who cares about you, it allows him to be his genuine self. No chess games, not trying to figure out what is going on. He can just meet you where you are at. If he doesn’t then he isn’t for you. J seems to want to meet you were you are really at.



  225.  #226Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    IM – yes, ive been listening to Abraham Hicks on youtube now and then… alias girl and laughing goddess among many are often mentioning it

    one of the things Abraham teaches is that when our vibration – feeling state – matches that of HAVING what we want, then we’ll receive it!

    so i practice imagining what i would feel like to already HAVE what i want (for me its not usually exhilaration, but more like peace, like oh ok i got it what now… ‘hehe’)

    and then i pretend i have it in my mind… sometimes i think what color does this feeling state bring to mind…

    and then when contradicting thoughts that change that feeling come up, i redirect my mind to the color (makes it non verbal)

    well ive manifested quite a few things this way! yay for manifesting!

    so far its been amazingly working! like.. really!



  226.  #227Ella on July 22, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    He is very welcome to worship me and he can step up just like any of the others at any time. If he is able and wants to.

    And tomorrow I will talk to him about sexual exclusivity – he already offered this to me after he offered relationship.

    And I feel afraid of ending up in a friends with benefits situation of my own making by turning down relationship.

    How is a lover different from FWB except maybe that it is benefiting me not the man?

    Can anyone clarify this?



  227.  #228Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Ella – ive checked out some of your FB and found J and he’s indeed very good looking 😉



  228.  #229Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Ella – yup its benefiting YOU

    there is still romance (not pining after a friend who you want more with… ick… burr i felt my body shudder hehe)



  229.  #230Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    i don’t have to try to ‘plan’ and ‘prepare’ my life

    for me that shows up as control, and anxiety

    i can just give it up to the horse;.. i know my horse knows where to go , its taking me through experience to healing

    i can give up trying to prepare what i will do in the worst case scenario if this infection started getting worse and digging INTO me instead of out and healing…

    yup, its ok daria, give it up to the horse, you went to the hospital on your horse even though you felt the tension (there might have been another better feeling choice)… but its all for healing always…

    i dont have to plan what to do in case that man that is Not attractive and may be a drug addict on the train speaks to me… i can lean back and let it happen

    i dont have to plan exaclty how to act and look to get home

    i dont ahve to plan or prepare with a man either!

    or with life

    just giving it up to the horse

    mmm

    feels so good

    🙂

    thank you rori



  230.  #231Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    im SUPPOSED to be here right now!

    cuz the horse took me here!

    really im supposed to be RIGHT HERE! not somewhere else, doing imagined amazing things…

    that feels profound

    wow



  231.  #232Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    im supposed to be here clicking back and forth between listening to Rori, and typing here

    and NOT asleep and preparing to be tired tomorrow

    im supposed!!! to be awake! right now!

    and yes i give myself permission

    and that means… i give myself permission to feel good tomorrow morning too!

    yay

    mmmmm

    amazing



  232.  #233Mel on July 22, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    Daria: Re 226

    Thanks for this exercise. I like giving a color to it!

    I think that you have used a lot of Rori’s programs right? Which one do you think would be best for me right now? From the descriptions, I was thinking either sirens or targeting mr. right. What do you think?



  233.  #234Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    i feel so much grief when theres heartbreak in a song or movie

    i just SOBBED my way in the dark airplane to Tangled and Gnomeo and Juliet

    with tears… mmm it felt so good and i felt so alive

    i feel grief deeply

    i am profound

    i am amazing

    i am really in love with myself



  234.  #235Ella on July 22, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Daria re 228 – yup 😉

    Re 229 – There is definitely that! He wants to please me and do stuff for me.



  235.  #236Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:46 pm

    Mel – oh DEFINITELY modern siren!!!

    i think you already know a lot abut circular dating (as therapy) from reading us on here and from your practices opening up

    MODERN SIREN!!! amazing!!!



  236.  #237Ella on July 22, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    Re giving it up to the horse – that feels good.

    I am finding ways to stay in the moment too.

    xxxxx



  237.  #238Lilybelle on July 22, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    234:

    I so need to see those two movies. Putting them on my list!

    Daria~ You feel AMAZING to me.

    Off and running, back tomorrow.



  238.  #239Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    i feel shut down and icky ashamed fondling my breast

    thats probably why i created the “dirty old man” voice for myself

    hehe

    yeah i feel icky! i love my ickyness

    i intend to feel amazing and in love and pleasured by ME



  239.  #240Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:49 pm

    I notice touching myself like that i feel like im a boy doing something im not supposed to be doing… like… going up and fondling a sleeping woman



  240.  #241Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Lilybelle – thank you!!!

    love you 🙂



  241.  #242Ella on July 22, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    When I wake up in the mornings now the first thing I do is feel love and appreciation for myself and CHOOSE that I am going to revel in that feeling, rather than thoughts jumping sraight to everything I have to do that day.

    This feels so much better a way to wake up.

    Feels yummy and sets me up for the day.



  242.  #243Ella on July 22, 2011 at 2:52 pm

    Today I am enjoying my flat stomach and slimmer figure and feeling grateful 🙂

    I am appreciating my lovely body.

    Tomorrow morning I am teaching Zumba then have afternoon off to get ready to go out in the evening.

    I am looking forward to choosing my outfit and painting my nails.

    Yay for me.



  243.  #244Lilybelle on July 22, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    OH~

    I wanted to share what happened with a CD I hadn’t met yet but am scheduled to see for tomorrow.

    This guy~ AirlineDude~ I’m digging his vibe.

    While he didn’t outright “plan” the evening tomorrow, he offered it to be where ever I felt comfortable; I may have already mentioned that part.

    I feel back into worrying about HIS distance, HIS comfort to the point that I felt frustrated trying to figure it out.

    I expressed that to him today…”I feel frustrated trying to figure this out.”

    His response: “Let me help.”

    At which point, I felt my entire body relax and everything was fine.

    I did chose the venue, gave the address and he said, “Don’t worry about me, I’m a big boy and can take care of getting there to see you.”

    I liked and found it so interesting how paying attention to how I felt was key to getting this worked out.

    I do not want to appear difficult and it seemed as if I was. It wasn’t until he said for me to let him help, did I realize that I wasn’t really taking care of me at that point and the focus was on him.

    Very interesting…



  244.  #245Lilybelle on July 22, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    241:

    Love you, Daria.



  245.  #246Lilybelle on July 22, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    207:

    Nicely done, Elle.

    Applause, Applause, Applause…

    xoxo



  246.  #247Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Lillybelle – oh my! i do that too, trying to figure it out and feeling frustrated when its about His effort, his comfort

    babysteps… oh feels so scary!

    that he will think im stuck up and therefore to my judgement not a good person if i dont make it really easy smooth and comfortable for him to meet me!

    and so what
    i love me



  247.  #248Daria on July 22, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    also noticing that “its not gonna work out for me” are ATTACK THOUGHTS!

    and i can choose others!

    yay!

    that is a familiar belief that comes up for me

    “its not gonna work out for me”



  248.  #249Daria on July 22, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    “its not realistic, its not practical” goes along with that

    ouch it feels SO bad! and i can feel it blcoking my manifesting

    for example “its not realistic to expect some male attention right now at 1 AM in romania”

    and yet time and again miraculous things shift!

    i didnt think it was realistic to hear from Nyguy and feel good with him, like TWICE!!

    and it did somehow happen!
    somehow unexpected, but yeah

    hehe 🙂

    i wonder how my guy that i like is going to be released from prison unexpectedly and wonderfully … ive been practicing manifesting that one mucho much 🙂

    and i get so TRIGGERED when people talk about “realistic” yup! its one of my ‘umphs” and i love me and my magical mind

    i love how my mind works, and this amazing energy it uses, well it means it will be even MORE amazing when i channel it for feeling good and healing!!

    thank you my beautiful mind!



  249.  #250Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Lillybelle

    Thanks! xx



  250.  #251Daria on July 22, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    realizing i enjoy feeling touched by a man

    i enjoy affection

    FEAR

    fear of… NOt enjoying affection and feeling icky and turned off and GUILTY and i love me

    itchy throat

    i LOVE My itchy throat

    mmmm

    ive been making sounds too alone, to let energy release

    loud, sounds i used to hold it for embarasssment

    like UAGGHHH, ummmghhh

    like going pee i will want to do that, sometimes not peeing just sitting down, sometimes just throwing my head bakc and moan howling

    and i feel embarassed talking about peeing yes i do and i LOVE me

    sooo muchy



  251.  #252Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Re 249

    Yep I’ve had that a lot recently!

    ‘Its not realistic to expect that a guy will marry you without you being his girlfriend first!’

    Oh really?? I say phooey to that!

    xoxox



  252.  #253Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Hmm have niggling fear that J will disappear again 🙁

    But I can’t control that.

    And wouldn’t really want to.

    Feel scared and NV saying this because it happened before.

    SHUT UP NV!

    In the corner with you with the others and munch some cookies.

    Its ok I know you are trying to look out for me but seriously not needed. I got this one!

    I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.

    I will be fine no matter what cus I love me and I got me!

    And I am going to REVEL in the moment. xx



  253.  #254Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    Owww, there is an NV about being a sl8t!!

    Oww, yes NV imagining J thinks I am a sl8t because I had sex with him quite quickly.

    Off you NV – into the corner with the others… crowded over there today huh?

    I deeply and profoundly love and accept myself.

    And I love my freedom to have sex with whom I want when I want.

    Attraction has NOTHING to do with mind judgements.



  254.  #255Daria on July 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    what would i say to Nyguy if i could say everything, without censor right now?

    —— i really feel like im falling in love with you. i feel so lit up when i hear your voice, even though i dont understand you on the phone and i feel scared youre gonna get frustrated with me and hang up or snap at me or get annoyed… and i dont get the impression you like me as much as i do you… but sometimes i DO think you DO like me…

    and i would even be down to marry you but i dont know how we would make it

    i feel scared when i dont see a man having a steady much money

    i cant even imagine and ive never actually had a man with money

    and what if you could reassure me and want to go to brazil with me and were showing up everyday and we DID make it!

    ooh that would feel so fun

    i just love being around you and i miss the way you were holding my hand and the way you kissed me last time

    mmmm

    you are a good kisser

    will you go down on me? i feel scared you wouldnt and i feel low self esteemy about taht

    i love you so much!

    mmmm

    i adore you

    you are just awesome!

    you are smart and funny and sweet and cool oh my

    you are great



  255.  #256Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:26 pm

    I LOVE my NVs …

    soothing an healing them right now. xx



  256.  #257Daria on July 22, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    i feel scared that if you WERE super into me id get bored and not want to be with you the way i think i usually do
    and i feel hopeless anf furstrated RARRGH



  257.  #258Daria on July 22, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    i noticed with that CD that i left to go home, the ONE TIME i said a non feeling message or dont want statement “well then how come we didnt wind up going like the plan was”

    then he responded with an attack

    and im like wow!

    i really really gotta stick with them!

    i felt it in the vibe too, the difference of clingy/blamy

    amazing how powerful it is!

    love me



  258.  #259Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Oww, Daria re 255 – that feels fun!

    What would I say to J if I could say everything unscensored right now:

    I feel as though I could be falling in love with you. I love being around you and feel great in your prescence.

    I feel afraid of these strong feelings. I feel afraid of getting my heart broken.

    I feel uncertain being with a guy who does not have the financial means to support me.

    I see this as an amazing ‘for now’ fling together and I still feel full of love.

    Feels good and I don’ want it to finish.

    I wish I could stay in the moment more instead of worrying about the future so much.

    Maybe I can!!

    I feel tired now and going to go to slee soon. xx



  259.  #260Daria on July 22, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    his response: oh wow umm well i like you too

    me: i dont feel GOOD hearing that! its not enough, i feel unsure, i dont FEEL it! i wnt to feel it!

    show it!

    *
    i love me
    and now i wanna lay down

    yay horsey



  260.  #261Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Another NV coming up for some attention and cookies… thats ok…

    ‘No-one wants a person with so many hang ups about sex!’

    And ‘You are not as good as him at sex! You are a bumbly mess instead of super sexy and slick’

    Well F8ck you NVs…

    People DO want and love me, and I AM sexy, esp when I can relax and let go.

    And do you know what J said today… ‘it is not all about sex…’

    Yeah, rah! – its about emotional connection, and that is what makes the sex GREAT!



  261.  #262Mel on July 22, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    Cool experience.

    I told my family that I don’t want to talk about the separation anymore. I said I feel exhausted talking about it and thinking about it. I told them I want to focus on positive things. It would feel good to focus my energy on my future and making that as happy as possible.

    Today I spoke with my dad (had been avoiding calling since the last time) and he was really good. He didn’t treat me like a child that needs to be told what to do and he didn’t ask a million questions.

    He even said he has been looking for a car to buy me so that I can be more independent and get around. I told him that would be a really nice thing to do, but to wait until I know for sure where I will live. That felt so good! I felt so cared for and loved and heard!

    It still would be my preference to move overseas, but at least moving back home doesn’t feel so sinking and smothering.

    Yay! 🙂



  262.  #263Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Yay for me when I said ‘I don’t want to hear about other women’

    And there was a bit where he was asking me about politics and I don’t know ANYTHING about polictics and tend not to watch the news because it makes me feel depressed and I have other things I want to focus on.

    And I have an issue with this as I often feel silly when I don’t know the political stuff other people do… in fact often I feel EMBARRESSED, ashamed and darned stupid when this comes up.

    And I get myself in a stew about, like I used to with maths at school,

    And today J was asking me questions teasingly and I felt myself tense up and panicky and less than.

    And it would have been better to say ‘this feels bad, I feel tense’ instead of trying to answer the questions

    And then when I felt tense he jokingly asked me who was the President of the USA…

    And of course I know but my mind totally FROZE. And I couldn’t remember at all.

    And it just looked like I didn’t know and I feel so icky about this.

    And then I did remember but I said the surname wrong.

    And I felt SO stupid and wanted to say stuff about being blond and ditzy…

    And I felt so less than.

    And I love my percieved ignorance and I truly love and accept myself anyway.

    And I refuse to change the way I live just to appear clever in the eyes of others.

    But I wish I hadn’t frozen up.

    Oh well, more healing.

    Wow – so much healing right now.

    Woohoo!

    Love ME

    LOVE ME

    LOVE ME!



  263.  #264Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Re 260 –

    Daria – Cool speech! xx



  264.  #265Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:50 pm

    He he… it almost sounds like I didn’t enjoy this last few days… but I did, just very trigggering and LOADS of stuff coming up to heal.

    Processing here.

    Overall feeling good/sireny if a little tired!



  265.  #266LobbyStar on July 22, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Wow, Ella! I’m am loving reading your posts today!



  266.  #267Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    I intend to be a MASSIVE warm invitation. Flirty, up vibe…. and then I am going to skip off in my Siren way.

    And they will have to follow me cus they can’t help it… they are drawn to me.

    But what if I can’t shift my vibe like last night when I was feeling antsy and alone before J showed up?

    Yeah but Ella, J SHOWED UP! At just the right time…

    So maybe this can always happen.

    Something, someone or me energy shifting can always heal and shift my vibe if/when I next get low, antsy and lonely.

    I can handle this.

    Its ok to be not perfect!

    I LOVE you Ella. xxx



  267.  #268Ella on July 22, 2011 at 3:55 pm

    Lobbystar – cool!

    How are you? xx



  268.  #269LobbyStar on July 22, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    Learning the balance between my boy/girl energy… and leaning forward and back. Struggling with identifying my feelings in the moment.

    CD #1 blew me off after date 2, and I leaned forward a bit with a brief text. A couple days later, he texted and asked me out for date 3, which was amazing and romantic.

    CD #2 blew me off after date 2, and I leaned forward a bit… sent him a very brief email. (Pattern here?) Then he wrote back that he thought I was the one who blew him off! It was a misunderstanding, so we’re back on track and planning date 3.

    Happy with my 2 CDs, but I’m still seeking my third. Date at least three… 🙂

    Ella — it was your dilemma with texting J that encouraged me to lean forward a bit with both of these guys. I feel great that we both had positive results!!



  269.  #270FlowerChild77 on July 22, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    (((Ella))) I’m wondering what you mean by ‘so many hangups about sex’ (and not expecting you to answer.) Your comment about him being “better” than you makes me wonder if you’re thinking of sex in the sense of performance.

    I used to worry about being ‘good enough in bed’ and was all into “doing.” What I’ve learned is that (for us Sirens) it’s about RECEIVING. Just like the waterwheel tool. If you can just melt into the experience and accept him loving you physically— with NO goal or expectation whatsoever—you would be absolutely amazed at what you can experience 😉

    Don’t worry about him. Concentrate on you and just let your body take you. Also, if you can experiment with yourself so you know what you really like and how you like to be touched, you can share that with him. But it’s still all about receiving.

    I’d be happy to talk with you more about this through e-mail if you’d like. What I’ve learned from Rori has completely changed my sexual experience (and I didn’t think it ‘could’ get any better than it already was–I’ve never had any complaints about that part of my life.) I hope you don’t think I’m some kind of weirdo for offering…but I’ve been able to heal some really deep stuff through my sexuality. (Let me know and I’ll give you my e-mail address.)

    I’ll be thinking of you and hoping you have a great time tomorrow night.



  270.  #271Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    Ella, I have to admit that I am liking this J guy. e seems to really like you. A lot! Seems to be a good guy too. I am very happy for you. It seems all he needed was to know that you want him. Seems that way to me, reading your posts.

    He seems to be able to deal with your fears and things, so long as you are just honest and up front. Seems like you have really turned a corner here.

    Way to go!



  271.  #272Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    244: Lilybelle

    You are going to have to tell him to get lost when I get my Harley. 😉 haha



  272.  #273FlowerChild77 on July 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Ella….One of the calls from the ‘Love on Purpose Revolution’ with Orna and Matthew Walters taught me a really neat tool that might help you with your NV and opening up your heart.

    You put your hand over your heart and breath in deeply, and let it out. Then you continue breathing deeply, but imagine that you’re breathing in through your heart (instead of your nose) and after a few times of doing this you can actually ‘feel’ the love flowing in and out through your heart, and you can’t help but smile!

    I also like the tool Rori talks about where you breath in and while you exhale imagine all kinds of sparkles coming down from the top of your head all over your body. It helps me feel beautiful and loving and open. 🙂

    Just sharing some random things floating around in my mind that may help you. You are amazing and I am inspired by your journey. <3



  273.  #274Plum on July 22, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    186: la chiquita bonita

    As FW said, your question might be a false problem, tending to make excuses to not allow any man to tame you?

    Anyway you can’t lead anybody on if you don’t lie.

    This blog is not about MAKING MEN FEEL OR DO ANYTHING.
    It is about discovering who you are and practicing to tell your truth step by step.

    YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR OTHERS’ INTERPRETATION OF YOUR FEELINGS.

    This is a blog where women with low self esteem come to heal. Their feelings and interests were never acknowledged even by themselves.
    The last thing you want to do on this blog is to worry about the man’s feelings; you learn to honor your own feelings and to protect your interest.

    PRECISELY BECAUSE YOU MAN WILL FIND YOU AND LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

    All type of people write here, so take with a pinch of salt the comments that push women even further away from themselves and send them back to the old patterns which is to focus on the man’s feelings and keep her from healing.

    Don’t worry about men falling in love or not.
    Take care of your own feelings, they’ll take care of theirs.
    Most problems come from people interpreting and assuming other’s feelings and acting according to what they think the other thinks instead of enjoying the moment with no agenda and being honest.

    If the woman tells how she feels, her date knows she is all about herself, and he knows he is not in her heart. He is attracted, yes, but he knows she is not tamed at all.
    He is totally free to not come back.
    And he is also totally free to come back because he felt she could have exactly what he wants. THAT’S HIS PROBLEM, HIS NEED. HIS EXPECTATION. Nobody forces him, you can’t change who you are to save him from wanting you! It is his decision to meet you again and to try to tame you. Let him own it.

    A woman can grow in love with ANY man after he works at taming her.

    You did not tell him “If I date you I promess to love you!”
    You date, and he knows you could fall in love with him and you could not fall in love. He is a big boy, he knows lol
    You can’t mind a man’s business, he does what he wants. Your business is to know if it feels good to accept his invitation again, with no agenda, no reading into his mind.

    He will learn from it too, it helps him get in touch with the best in himself.
    He discovers himself thanks to the courting, which will bring him huge benefits in his life at all levels.

    If he does not tame the woman at the end, he still feels bigger, he is proud of the way he treated her.
    He has discovered the knight in him.
    He experimented as much as she did.
    He will feel better and do better with the next woman.
    Chances are he will pick up a woman better suited for him next time, the dating process is the same for the men as for the sirens.
    He comes out with more knowledge of what he wants and what it looks like, and what he can.

    Don’t worry about the type of men who date only if they are sure the woman already wants them lol
    They don’t stick around very long.
    That’s another super good point about circular dating. Coward men weed themselves out, they are scared of competition.

    xxx



  274.  #275Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    201 SLV
    you totally rock that so made my day…………….!!!!
    I love being 49!
    xo
    🙂



  275.  #276Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    274 Plum
    pleaaaaaaaaase explain what you mean by taming her?
    I am open to this idea just want to understand what you mean



  276.  #277Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    who is on facebook?



  277.  #278English Woman on July 22, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    #138

    Thank You 🙂



  278.  #279English Woman on July 22, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    AND #145 🙂



  279.  #280tinque on July 22, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    “heal some really deep stuff through my sexuality” – This is the core of my work. This is how I began my journey, and it continues to unfold in some amazingly wonderful ways.

    xxoo



  280.  #281English Woman on July 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    Rusty

    Not being disrespectful but I ALWAYS scroll through your posts without reading them and I feel less than safe about posting here on Siren Island with a man who disseminates and talks so much about what is in his head…….is that a trigger of mine? Or are you in a place that you “shouldn’t be?”



  281.  #282Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    281: English Woman says:

    Rusty

    Not being disrespectful but I ALWAYS scroll through your posts without reading them and I feel less than safe about posting here on Siren Island with a man who disseminates and talks so much about what is in his head…….is that a trigger of mine? Or are you in a place that you “shouldn’t be?”

    __________________________________________________–

    Your personal issue? Yes, I think so. But please feel free to continue to scroll through my posts. It matters not to me. Free country and all, at least for now.



  282.  #283Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    lol can we vote someone off the island?
    🙂



  283.  #284Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Patricia u feel uncomfortable in Rusty’s presence?



  284.  #285IamSweetViolet on July 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    @ 281: English Woman

    I do not discount your feelings and comments towards Rusty or anyone else.

    I do not discount anyone’s feelings and comments on this blog (or anywhere else)

    Last time I checked, The Constitution of the United States was considered viable.

    As far as I know, Rori’s Blog does not disqualify anyone from commenting.

    I apologize if I sound rude. I can be blunt, however, I try to temper that with diplomacy.

    Please do not take my comments as a personal affront as they aren’t meant to be.

    I appreciate the constructive comments, questions, feedback from women AND men.

    Men give perspective and validity that coincide with Rori’s point of view.

    While there are cases where we won’t all agree, there is still commonality that surpasses gender, race, religion, intrinsic values, beliefs, etc…

    I hope we can all learn and grow. Each for their own path and in support of others’.

    ~ Violet ~



  285.  #286DE on July 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    I feel a bit amused recollecting details about my last nite date…

    He asked me what I do for a leaving…initially, I said…”stripper”…

    His state of shock felt very amusing…:) but he saved it nicely saying…”oh really? honestly, the last 3 dates i had end up being strippers…”…i said..”oh really?” would u date one?…he said…”if she is honest ab it…and i decide i like her…sure…as long as she is honest…” i smiled…big smile…it felt good to notice he was accepting and not judgmental of others ….:)

    then, of course, i had to break it to him…and he literally burst into laughter saying “oh no….really?…u guys got me!!! i knew it!!!!” i laugh as i write this…

    he kept saying “i knew it!!! while laughing hysterically, and saying repeatedly, u guys finally got me…”..

    anyway, his tone/demeanor changed after…it seemed cautious…lol

    although, i assured him i wasn’t…and jokingly said…did u do something bad?

    anyway, we both dropped it…but i could sense his energy as in tense…funny 🙂



  286.  #287Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    a person can indeed say what they wish here….no doubt….
    I have not had any exchanges with Rusty thus far. What I have done is read some of what he writes as it’s posted publicly…….for the most part it does not interest me one ounce……..so I don’t engage…..but I can be playful with it…….and lightly let it bounce off like a feather………..
    🙂



  287.  #288Rusty on July 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    287: Patricia says:

    a person can indeed say what they wish here….no doubt….
    I have not had any exchanges with Rusty thus far. What I have done is read some of what he writes as it’s posted publicly…….for the most part it does not interest me one ounce……..so I don’t engage…..but I can be playful with it…….and lightly let it bounce off like a feather………..
    🙂

    —————————————————

    That’s the spirit! 😉



  288.  #289Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    Wonderful Patricia



  289.  #290Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    Actually that was my heart talking 🙂



  290.  #291Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    thats the good part…. u said what u truly felt 🙂



  291.  #292Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    not my spirit so much…….



  292.  #293Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 6:33 pm

    well Sirens I feel tired…….I have to head to bed soon………..I”m just curious…….when you think of siren island…………what do you think of? I think of an exotic island with fruit trees and beautiful birds singing…….and a campfire by the seashore in the evening…….and someone singing beautifully in the distance……….with the scent of flowers wafting through the night air…………sensuality and possibilities……and a white feather……….floating effortlessly on the breeze………………..

    good night.
    🙂



  293.  #294Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 6:41 pm

    I think of an island with cool air and walls with vines and large rocks with us standing on them touching our smooth shiny skin and singing and humming tunes. The sun is always hitting our skin perfectly giving us all a lovely golden glow….I think of the water hitting the rocks and splashing us with a little water sporadically!



  294.  #295Starla on July 22, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    I have a picnic date tomorrow:) how cute! i feel happy about and impressed by the plans he made.



  295.  #296Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    i just said something 2 my friend which actually shocked me

    “but lets not think of that right now i jus wanna focus on right now n how happy i am in this moment, 4get anything beyond this”

    Thats the Siren right there. I am giving up my need 2 control outcomes …. like i really am. I am shocked and surprised and my outlook on life right now.



  296.  #297Patricia on July 22, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    so I see an Island of Sirens focusing on how happy they are in the moment…being totally supported by the sun, the moon, the splashing water…….the universe………and the universe knows the Sirens will nurture life force……..a flow……….and the water wheel of love amongst those stone walls and vines, the water flows to them and they receive it and they give some in return……..and there is plenty of laughter………..



  297.  #298Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    I feel so serene just reading that description Miss Lady!!



  298.  #299Starla on July 22, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    About working out (and sorta in response to DE’s comment closer to the top of this thread):

    I realized that if I wanted to exercise every day for 15-20 minutes, but wasn’t doing it, it is because 15-20 minutes is way too much when I don’t even have the habit formed of exercising daily (or the actual fitness to do it hehe). So now I am doing what this article/site suggests (http://zenhabits.net/4-simple-steps-to-start-the-exercise-habit/) and exercising daily for 5 minutes for one month. Then I will go to 10 minutes every day for a month, then 15, then 20.. then maybe from there pick only a few days a week to do longer workouts. It seems odd to do so little for so long but I realize the only way I will ever successfully have an exercise habit (where I can one day realistically participate in fun fitness classes and activities on a regular basis when I want to) is to start achievably small and grow from there. It felt so uncomfortable and lazy at first to stop planning on longer workouts, but I ultimately wasn’t ACTUALLY following my plan anyway. So I’m putting all judgment aside and doing this instead.



  299.  #300Starla on July 22, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    it’s not a discipline or a motivation issue. it’s about whether the habit actually exists or not to regularly exercise. ahhh i feel so light and relieved to slip this old belief out, and actually GET started with having fitness be a part of my life exactly how i envision i. babysteps! i like my new paradigm



  300.  #301Starla on July 22, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    I didnt read all the comments on this page so i hope i’m not just repeating what someone else already said



  301.  #302Plum on July 22, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    285: IamSweetViolet

    Would you be projecting?
    English woman did not say a word about Rusty being a man or American and she did not tell him to go away.

    This is internet, not the USA and Barb is speaking to rusty as rusty. Barb is too smart to imagine all men are like him.
    Barb is having a personal interaction with Rusty where she applies what the blog is about: she tells him she feels unsafe with his posts. And she asks him to wonder if he belongs here.
    Not as a man, as a poster, not as an american, as a poster.
    Barb did not tell Rusty to go away, others have said so and have stopped posting, although they were the one in need of this island and although they are the one giving their money to Rori.

    Barb is also a client who bought the products and wishes to understand them through the blog with no interference from personal points of view opposite to the work done on here. Yet she did not tell him to go away. She let him know her feelings. Feelings can’t be judged or censured.
    Barb is using the freedom Rori grants her to tell her feelings on the blog and she is not touching the freedom he grants himself.

    Xxx



  302.  #303Emoticon on July 22, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    U kno reading this stuff I am realizing all my bad habits little by little n eliminating the sh8t outta them. This Siren is so different from the girl she was 2 months ago….



  303.  #304DE on July 22, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    Marina # 49:

    I love your posts…very revealing, relatable to myself, and often informative 🙂 Thank you…

    I noticed I missed responding to u post 🙁 Thank you for being so kind to address my “abuse” issue…so sweet of u…but can i say this…u don’t need to apologize ab it…cause I didn’t ask 🙁

    Sometimes I use the blog to express myself…and while i do it…i figure myself out, keep myself accountable…and yes, feedback helps often…but it is not an obligation…even if i ask for feedback 🙂

    U said: “I don’t think you need a drill sergeant to get up and keep going. I know you can train a dog with punishment or treats. Wouldn’t you rather like to train yourself with treats (not saying you are a dog!)?”

    This an awesome observation 🙂 Thank you…u are so right…

    The only issue i’ve had for the past few years (after my son’s recovery from cancer, my perspective about life changed dramatically, so money no longer had “value” to me)…is that i’ve learned to super “spoil” myself …:( habit that got me in trouble with spending…

    So, now, I am finding new rewarding activities that would inspire my heart to grow and feel good…:) And opening my first charity organization is a start in that direction 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  304.  #305Starla on July 22, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Oh NO i accidentally put “my guy”s (who i havent talked to in almost 3 weeks now) favorite tshirt in the dryer. I didn’t realize I was even washing it cuz it was inside out, and now it’s shrunk terribly!
    🙁 i feel yucky and horrible



  305.  #306Daria on July 22, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    im feeling peaceful and a lil tired 🙂

    hello morning



  306.  #307Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    Re: 119 English Woman thanks for posting this link…

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/marriage/get-more-love-by-doing-less/#comment-137281

    I like the part where she says to stop nurturing and let the guy flounder a bit until he figures out the relationship thing..and he will if he wants it.

    I really like this advice, because it reminds me that I don’t have to “fix” an akward moment as I am sooo inclined to do (learned from my Mother) and I can let an akward moment/situation go by and it is OK!!! I’m not going to die!!! LOL….

    This has been tough for me, but I’ve tried it a few times and practiced, it’s so much LESS stressful actually, because I’m not overfunctioning!

    Hmm…recycled CD has been so nice to me this past week, and even helped me financially a lil bit. I have been focusing on me and taking care of myself, and he’s giving more. Now I just have to keep it up, NOT because I WANT to take more from him, but because I want to strengthen the connection and encourage the exchange of love and affection between us.

    I did notice a change in his demeanor (for the better) this last time I saw him!! It felt REALLY great!!!!

    Also….I have a date with a new CD tomorrow!



  307.  #308Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    Sirens, remember I mentioned father of three guy that I accepted a date with? I was kinda excited? Well we planned over email a couple of weeks ago to meet up tomorrow, and I just NOW heard from him today via email. He said he’s not feeling well and can we reschedule? I have not replied yet….

    I have to admit, I did lean forward a bit initially and that sparked us making plans…so maybe he wasn’t really into it…but he leaned forward originally to spark contact with me. I am still kinda annoyed that he left me hanging though.
    To be honest, I kinda forgot about our date because I have so much other stuff going on!
    Now I don’t know how to respond to him. Any ideas??



  308.  #309Daria on July 22, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Emerson – how sweet that he remembered you had a date and contacted you to let you know he can’t make it…being sick sux! … i would really appreciate him letting me know and feel surprised to hear from him…not having contact for so long doesn’t feel good



  309.  #310Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Thanks Daria I like that angle…. I will keep this vibe which is OPEN AND WARM…..when I reply to him!!

    I feel judgmental toward myself for judging *him* because he is really, consistently bad at spelling, it annoys me because he’s educated and has a high paying job!

    How come he does not know that ‘SPRANG’ is not the same as SPRAINED…..
    I feel ashamed that I am so judgmental toward him, and I will strive to be more OPEN…it’s ok that he cannot spell LOL!!!!!



  310.  #311Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    The father of three LITERALLY asks me for advice! I think he may have some fem energy going on….



  311.  #312Starla on July 22, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    Hehe Emerson maybe you should stop talking with him in text form and then you won’t have to judge anyone by their ‘spelling’. tell him you’re burnt out on text forms of communication but it would still feel great to hear his voice. this might help you to see his ‘intelligence’ in a different life.



  312.  #313Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    Thanks Daria for your positive spin..I just replied to him that I feel fine about rescheduling and we can touch base as the date gets closer…and that I appreciate him letting me know.



  313.  #314Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 11:03 pm

    Starla, yes, this is a good point you make!

    It’s almost comical because they are words that sound similar to the word he is trying to use, but it’s a different word!! For example, he said “I’m not as nibble as I used to be…” he means NIMBLE, and he capitalizes random words here and there in a sentence. WTF?? So trivial, I know!!!
    Ugh. I’m such a grammar police, hard to believe because mine is not perfect on here, I know I know@!!!! LOL 🙂



  314.  #315English Woman on July 22, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    #302 Plum

    Thank you for saying what I would have said so much better than I am able.

    No indeed this is not the United States, it is after all the Internet accessible from any country in the world. I am here to learn from other Sirens and I feel unsettled reading Rusty’s interchanges with others on this blog as I have been reading through the archives.

    That is my own personal feeling, like it or not.



  315.  #316Brenda on July 22, 2011 at 11:20 pm

    One thing’s been eating at me about Ryan…he said that two years ago, July 2009, when he did his fake proposal, he was seeing another woman and on the verge of making love with her. I feel nauseated about it. It’s like one last knife he is sticking in my heart after all the hurt of that month.

    And I’m asking myself, two years later, if it matters now. Apparently it does, cuz it’s been eating me alive for a week, since he told me. He reminded me how near the end of our relationship, he no longer came over every single night, like he did at first. I didn’t think it was possible to generate one more iota of pain from the most painful event of my life.

    What do I do with that?

    And now we’re friends again, as of last Saturday, and true to form, I haven’t heard from him since then. What a great friend. 🙁



  316.  #317Turquoise3 on July 22, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Mel and FW…. so nice to be missed, thank you!!!!
    I think about you all, and try to check in at least a few times a week. Mel, never heard what happened with the woman your husband worked with who wanted to meet, did you talk to her? So excited to hear about your overseas plans… really hope that works out for you!

    Things here are hectic, busy with my girls and work, some family stuff…. trying to enjoy a little of our summer, but also dealing with this unbelievable heat, oh so draining.

    I have been so stressed lately with work, planning the move, my closing is much later than I’d hoped, not til Aug.26th, just stressed. I notice myself complaining, feeling overwhelmed, frustrated….
    I tend to have bouts of self pity… the it’s not fair I’m single and have to do everything myself, am tired of being single, blah blah blah…. and reading tonight reminded me that I can use my boy energy to get things done, stay on top of work, family and the move. I love my boy energy, and it used to show a lot. I’ve tried to surpress it for so long now, to be feminine, open, warm…. will feel good to just take charge of what needs done, make a plan and stick to it.

    I haven’t dated at all…. not even running into any hot guys in my day to day life. It’s like it’s completely off my radar, and to be honest, I feel completely fine with it. Right now I just want to focus on my move and have decided that when it’s all done and I’m settled, I’m planning a weekend getaway. I feel like my summer is slipping away, but the house is such a good thing, totally worth it.

    I still use my feeling messages when dealing with my ex about the house. It’s great, no fighting. I want to start using them with other people too… I struggle with that.

    I’ve had a lot of opportunity to share what I’ve learned here My sister recently started dating again, and this is all new to her. It’s sinking in… I’m getting it, it makes sense… feels great to see my growth.

    Mel, I’d get Modern Siren too. You have learned a lot about how to communicate and CD’ing… would be great for you to focus on yourself. It’s the one I want as well. 🙂

    Hugs, totally exhausted, middle of the night here in Pittsburgh. So happy it’s the weekend!

    Oh and welcome Camille! It’s my name too… but I only have one L. 🙂



  317.  #318Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 11:30 pm

    316 Brenda, I’m sorry to hear about this news regarding Ryan and I can imagine it’s very painful. That would feel horrible to hear from any ex!
    I feel compassion for you ((hugs))
    I don’t know what the point was of him telling you, I think guys sometimes do that to ease their OWN conscience, while completely not considering your feelings.

    Also, I’ve felt that men say “insensitive” or “mean” things to me to CHASE ME AWAY. I’m not saying he’s doing that, but that’s how I’ve felt in the past, like someone just wants to RUIN it so badly that I don’t even want to talk to them. Ever. And it’s worked. And it was SAD. However, I have to remember it is THEIR issue and not mine. It has really nothing to do with me that he’s telling me this or what his intentions are….I am still ME and it’s not about me. It’s about him and how he feels bad…not ME….

    does that make sense….



  318.  #319Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    I love this post about not being his puppy dog, because it’s for me, again, a reminder that I don’t have to be my man’s servant or bring him his newspaper, mail, etc…or be at his beckoned call…which is so my tendency!!

    I have to really deprogram from this habit, which is why I LOVE this blog….and thank you sirens for your support and love as I learn more and more….
    I feel thankful for you all

    I am thankful, soo thankful!! to learn that the right way to interact with a man is to not give give….I’ve had it wrong all these years and no wonder there was so much anger and weirdness coming at me. I was giving off the vibe of being needy.

    Recycled CD even told me I was needy in the past! and guess, what, I used to GIVE to him, birthday presents, cooking him meals, getting him little stuff….ugh….I love my former self for stumbling and it’s ok because I didn’t know and I was trying to show and receive love….just a bit off the kilter, but it’s ok I love me anyway!! 🙂 I’ve been so much nicer to myself!



  319.  #320Emerson on July 22, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    In fact! I just remembered something! Recycled CD told me that his ex/wife used to buy him stuff, bring it home and say she was thinking of him or what not…and he expressed how he was indifferent/annoyed/unimpressed/yucked out by it…I don’t know why he told me about that but it is interesting now that I think about it. Gah!!!!



  320.  #321English Woman on July 23, 2011 at 12:05 am

    Emerson

    I can so relate to what you are saying, I am the poster girl for GIVING, GIVING, GIVING………..but not any more even though it makes me feel selfish to feel like this, I can see where I have gone wrong so many times………mmmmmmm



  321.  #322English Woman on July 23, 2011 at 12:11 am

    #138 FW

    Thank you for this post, I really need to make this self love a priority in my life, I can see that.

    Thanks again for your reply.

    p.s. Susan Quinn was my sister’s name in her first marriage. 😀



  322.  #323English Woman on July 23, 2011 at 12:16 am

    #138 FW

    I like the cat analogy. 😀

    Even though I am not a cat person, I can see the beauty of slinking around, purring and waiting for a stroke and if I don’t get it, then I will just lick my paws and take care of me, myself and I………



  323.  #324marina on July 23, 2011 at 2:02 am

    My heart goes out to all the (young) people who died or lost their loved ones in Oslo and Utoya in Norway 🙁

    I don’t think ideas or ideals should ever be an excuse for taking other peoples lives. I think this guy was sick…



  324.  #325Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 2:03 am

    Emerson,

    RE: #318 – I guess it makes sense. It feels a little better knowing that sounds bad to someone else. I wonder if he was trying to turn around the conversation to hurt me at a moment when he thought I was about to accuse him, when I wasn’t.

    I’ve been half dreaming about writing that on the blog for the last few hours, dreaming that there was a way to plug in and listen to each other’s comments.

    What really stands out to me more than anything is that, even in opening back up our friendship, I am still feeling hurt, over and over. And I think it is psychological abuse. And I have promised myself I will no longer be in abusive relationships.

    It’s so subtle tho, and he denies so much that I feel confused. Yet I come back to what Rori says: If it feels good, keep doing it. If it feels bad, stop doing it.

    It feels bad.

    Now I just need to keep up the strength to not do it…yet I feel myself falling…I feel like the doormat puppy dog. That’s such a weak position to be in.

    I wish I could just write off men and never feel this horrible pain again. I’ve tried, and I can’t.



  325.  #326Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 2:07 am

    Marina,

    I just read the story – how horrible. It didn’t say why he did it…what was his reason for killing people?



  326.  #327marina on July 23, 2011 at 2:08 am

    ugh I keep losing track of all the comments in the mobile version.

    I feel glad that next week my laptop will be send home and it will be so good to use it again.

    Also I was thinking could Rori change the comment section? I have seen on other blogs where you can directly reply on a comment. if there are replies on a comment you click on + and you get a list ir can immediately read the replies… I think it would make the commentsection a bit more efficient. what do you think?



  327.  #328ice Princess on July 23, 2011 at 2:10 am

    Brenda

    Thanks for posting that. It made me realize a lot about my “relationship”. As much as I love and care for LP and want to be with him, I have noticed that the past few days of no contact have made me feel better about myself even though I am missing speaking with him. When we try to do things together or even talk on the phone someone ends up hurt because we are trying not to repeat old mistakes. Hmmm…to give it up or to try and figure out why I am feeling and acting that way?



  328.  #329Lercomari on July 23, 2011 at 2:29 am

    @FW 133

    I get your point…the post did say that Rori didn’t necessarily want Laura to leave but actually wanted her to have the strength to leave. Thanks for your observation. 🙂

    @tinque 164 yes that makes better sense to me. Maybe I just took issue with the way the statement was worded
    Off topic: I read your article on female ejac. It was SO insightful! Thanks so much for it.

    @SLV 199 I like the idea of looking at yourself in parts…sometimes I feel like there’s different parts of me so it makes sense it would fit in this situation too.



  329.  #330alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 2:32 am

    just emailed back to a man i feel ZERO interest in.

    i feel —blank. i feel crossing my fingers he doesn’t email back!

    this experiment of mine feels BAD right now. lol.

    i feel very ew about him. 🙁 and then i feel bad for feeling ew.

    i feel shameful and embarrassed. i am going to find a way to feel good about this. i am going to just tell myself it is not about dating. it is like bootcamp. and these men are not suitors. they are an obstacle course i must master and be adept at.

    i feel nutty thinking outloud on the blog.

    “nutty” lol.

    nutty.

    lol.



  330.  #331Emoticon on July 23, 2011 at 2:35 am

    This is pretty interesting, and you, Mesdemoiselles, have some VERY interesting analogies. I always call myself a cat (lol, i know) and even claim to have been a cat in a past life. I say this because I feel like one a lot of the time. I crave affection all the time. But lately, i was acting like a puppy-dog (smh)



  331.  #332Lercomari on July 23, 2011 at 2:35 am

    I feel scared, anxious, worried right now. I’m talking to Techie on MSN messenger. Techie asked me if I said we should see other people because there is someone else I’m interested in. The question came as a surprise to me. I told him I’m not really interested in anyone in particular right now, but there are a few guys I talk to and they’re interesting enough. But for the most part I just don’t want to be exclusive with someone when I’m not really in a relationship with them.
    Then he went quiet…after a few minutes I typed “Hello?” but no answer. I’m not sure why he’s not answering. Did I upset him? Did he get a phone call? Am I being cruel to subject him to this? I know he wants a relationship with me, but he feels he can’t have one right now because of his other commitments. I feel ashamed for making him feel this way. Because thusfar there has only been HE and I in the situation. Now I’ve introduced OTHER GUYS. When I know there’s no other girls in his life. What have I done? How does that make him feel? Augh. :'( I shouldn’t have said anything.



  332.  #333marina on July 23, 2011 at 2:37 am

    Hi Brenda it is horrific.
    I am not sure. At least he is still alive and the Norwegian police can try to find out. All I know is that he was a rightwing extremist conservative who was against the multicultural society and who said to be inspired by conservative islamophobic political parties… how sad… one of those parties is currently also in the Dutch government. I hope we will get to vote soon… before they have completely broken down the social services and all. life is getting unnecessary hard here for a lot of people.



  333.  #334Emoticon on July 23, 2011 at 2:38 am

    I dont think you have anything to feel bad about Lercomari!!! That is what CDing is isnt it?? And i agree that you should trust YOUR boundary to not be exclusive with some1 u r not in a relationship with. U r doing good girl, dont make urself feel guilty



  334.  #335alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 2:40 am

    oh.

    he emailed back.

    when he had said he wanted to “chat” he meant IM.

    every cell in my body is say nnnnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

    🙁

    experiment. obtacle course. i need to get in man-ready-shape so i can GET WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE.

    ok. i can do this.



  335.  #336marina on July 23, 2011 at 2:44 am

    ooh Alias Girl I think you are brave

    I love your approach 🙂



  336.  #337alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 2:45 am

    #332 lercomari for me, it’s not about how a man feels. It;s about how I feel. ME. and MY HAPPINESS. and MY HAPPILY EVERY AFTER. just my half a cent.

    i emailed this man back. i told him i don’t IM. which is true and what i would tell any man.

    treat them all equal.

    i feel a little creeped out by him for no reason.

    i don’t think i can do this.



  337.  #338alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 2:51 am

    #36 marina. thanks. wah.

    if i can go on a date with any man that gets to date status.

    THEN I CAN DO ANNNNYYYYYYYTTTTHHHHING!

    seriously. walk through walls. telekinises. you name it.

    yae. now it feels fun again. it is a challenge. lol. my man side is pleased with this perspective.

    oh he just asked for my number or offered to give me his.

    i swear i am going to start crying. 🙁

    WHY IS HE STEPPING UP SO QUICKLY? MOST MEN ARE LIKE DUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH *POOF* when i say i don’t want to IM.

    i’m going to give him my number. 🙁



  338.  #339Lercomari on July 23, 2011 at 2:52 am

    @344 Emoticon, yeah, it works well in theory, but in application it can potentially hurt like !*@#
    I don’t want to see him hurt..I know I hurt him with my words. Rori mentioned that he should never feel like he’s the only one I’m seeing…so that’s why I said the bit about talking to other guys..but now I feel like I’ve hit him with razor wire. 🙁 In theory I did the right thing, but it just doesn’t feel good at all.

    @377 alias girl

    I have to care about how he feels because I care about him…I daresay I love him…I’m beyond the point of treating him like a faceless individual, I’m involved and when he hurts, I hurt. 🙁 Kudos to you though for sticking to your no-I.M boundary. Good job. 🙂 Remember:

    Trust your boundaries
    Follow you feelings
    Choose your words
    Be surprised



  339.  #340alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 2:53 am

    i feel on the verge of tears. nope. make that actual teary eyes. and crinkle between my brows.



  340.  #341alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 2:56 am

    #339 i so understand lercomari. when i love a man i feel so one with them that them hurting is like me hurting. i so get that.

    and i also know that if i don’t make my happiness a priority, then the man can not love me. even if he wanted to. it’s just weird science somehow.

    it could probably be documented in experiments.



  341.  #342alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 3:03 am

    I FEEL ANGRY that i am practicing openness NOW when all those other chances with men i was FAR more interested in contacted me.

    okok.

    obstacle course.

    quality will improve as my skill level improves.

    quality will improve.

    or i will have a new skill of walking through walls.

    one of the two.



  342.  #343alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 3:05 am

    i have a feeling this man is going to get to date status quick.

    he’s actually probably really nice. maybe.

    it’s just his pants. they are pulled up so high with a tucked in shirt and belted. and and and…oh….i could go on. 🙁



  343.  #344Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 3:09 am

    Good morning Sirens!
    I was thinking more about siren -ness qualities…….I posted a link to a soft meditative song yesterday that I find opens heart energy…….but I think sirens can be vixens too……..playful and fun…..and I thought it might be fun to post this you tube video………this chickie is a siren in my books……I dare you not to giggle…….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LuSP4QaXiQ



  344.  #345Butterfly Wings on July 23, 2011 at 3:19 am

    343: alias girl says:

    “i have a feeling this man is going to get to date status quick.

    he’s actually probably really nice. maybe.

    it’s just his pants. they are pulled up so high with a tucked in shirt and belted. and and and…oh….i could go on. ”

    ROFL! Oh you’re a much better woman than I am AG – I don’t think I could get past those pants!

    In saying that, I’ve been on a date with a guy who did NOT attract me at all, but I still agreed to meet him.

    When he did my heart sank. He was a good foot shorter than I am, had missing teeth and wore this weird hat! Oh and his personality was sooo not what I’m after!

    But our meeting was just lunch in a local food court, so it was pretty casual and I was able to get away quickly because I had to get back to work!

    Good luck with that one! 😉



  345.  #346Lercomari on July 23, 2011 at 3:22 am

    @341 Alias girl,

    I understand…part of loving myself is just refusing to put my life on hold waiting on someone who is still trying to decide what to do in life…I don’t want to be unsteady like that….like a boulder balancing on the tip of a peak in a Wile E Coyote cartoon. I want to be steady and balanced and grounded…still, I feel hurt that he is hurting.
    Thank you for helping me despite your tears alias girl. ((hugs))



  346.  #347Daria on July 23, 2011 at 3:24 am

    Lercomari – what helps me when i get NV’s about “i hurt his feelings” when im honoring my boundaries

    is remembering parts of Rori’s e-letter where she talks about…

    how thinking that *I* have the power to “hurt his feelings” is actually a very disrespectful stance to take in respect with a man

    it assumes that im above him that i can “hurt” him … as if he’s a little boy



  347.  #348Daria on July 23, 2011 at 3:26 am

    I am now able to feel good with and curious about ANY man I am cding.. even if he was 40 years older… even if he’s the world’s dorkiest

    yay!



  348.  #349marina on July 23, 2011 at 3:36 am

    wow I like that Daria. I think it will help me feel less or not guilty when I am honoring my boundaries. with anyone. actually I am also learning to respect it when somebody else is clear on their boundaries…



  349.  #350Daria on July 23, 2011 at 3:37 am

    I feel frustrated a bit I can’t find the e-letter (i remember i recently saw it… maybe she mentions it in Love Scripts too)

    where Rori talks about how important it is to respect a man…

    and how that’s not happening when we think about “hurting his feelings”



  350.  #351alias girl on July 23, 2011 at 3:38 am

    #345 butterfly wings. oh. my.

    still though… you did it. you went! ok.

    i can too.

    #346 Lercomari aw. (hug). aw. i feel reserved but i like the hug.

    yes, rori says “no waiting”.
    there are men in my past that i would give another try with but —no waiting. so they may miss out. i feel bad for them.

    or, another perspective… as this article says… it’s hard to have a relationship with a man who is not participating. lol. story of my life. lol.

    i used to be Queen of imaginary relationships. WAITING… always waiting….

    just like i waited for my father to have time for me. and he just

    didn’t.



  351.  #352Daria on July 23, 2011 at 3:38 am

    yay Marina!



  352.  #353Daria on July 23, 2011 at 3:47 am

    it really helps me Before the date to say to myself…

    yay! a chance to practice the tools! I will practice … this…

    Curiosity for example, and staying open in my body

    /I really enjoy that i am able to do this and practice tools and heal something for myself every time!

    its actually with the super attractive ones, that have been showing up BAck to BA?CK! lately, that i tend to forget that its just practice



  353.  #354marina on July 23, 2011 at 3:51 am

    hi DE,
    I feel curious about your charitative organization 🙂

    Thnx for your reply. Something in your comment triggered me to reach out to you. I understand you use the blog to process and heal.

    For me it is also learning about how to respond to others (Sirens). I am learning a lot here. Thnx for your feedback.

    I hope you did enjoy what you treated yourself with 😉

    I have been a shopaholic for the last 6 years and I love all of my beautiful clothes. 3 years ago I gave myself my first set of earrings. I bought a big red heartshaped cushion where I hang all my earrings on. I am in a different situation now. I don’t feel guilty about indulging myself like that.
    But I think I will be happier from a career switch education and contributing to the world. Eew that feels scary to write…I feel afraid it will just stay hot air. I feel vulnerable writing out my needs. One being contributing to the world. How, what and why use such big words like contributing to the world. It tingles in my stomach.

    Xxx marina



  354.  #355Daria on July 23, 2011 at 3:54 am

    alias girl – i feel really uncomfortable to bring this up… I really felt good cosidering you a friend and i feel shutdown when i think of the past interacion we had… i feel icky and angry about it and scared that our communication will stonewall

    it feels icky to me to post in tandem and feel scared to communicate directly



  355.  #356Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 3:59 am

    @351 alias girl

    “i used to be Queen of imaginary relationships. WAITING… always waiting….

    just like i waited for my father to have time for me. and he just didn’t.”

    ___________
    oh wow, major ding for me when I read this…………reminds me of so long ago……lol imaginary friends when we’re little turn into imaginary relationships as women I suppose……..

    ….trying to make the shift from imaginary relationships to real ones….I have many email guys…..love to check in and flirt…….and most recently on eharmony a man has struck up regular emails and is calling and he has a lot of attractive qualities……and flirts as if we’ve known each other for years and as if we’ve been sexually involved already……describing scenarios and wishes to get together……….what he would have done for me for my birthday……..etc…….and we’ve only been emailing for two weeks!!!!! He’s got quite the imagination! I was getting pulled in too! Why? Because this is familiar to me……an imaginary lover……here we go again…….why…..because he lives over 7 1/2 hours away and talks about making this “thing we’ve got” work if both want it too….I could so slip back into this and I know that if I do….I’ll be projecting……waiting……(yes, much like when I was a little girl…for affection from dad-who was a good guy, just not affectionate at all)…..oh no more long distance relationships for me…..oh no…….this needs to be healed……

    thank you alias girl for those words….

    Daria I can’t help wonder if your strategy of being open to men to show up in 3D, right in front of us is a way to heal and transition from imaginary relationships to the real deal…..just how to make that happen when what’s showing up is long distance…….or just not my type (at least at first glance)?



  356.  #357Daria on July 23, 2011 at 4:00 am

    waht are my desires that i feel embarassed to acknowledge?

    well they are that i will be a famous and admired public figure

    and get invited to lots of partiesand have men adore me

    and maybe that will include sharing my gifts like acting, or rapping and dancing and etc

    and i will be able to fly anywhere i want whenever i want first class

    i want to be seen and noticed and famous

    maybe i want to teach and share my wisdom with the world

    i feel afraid that this will conflict with creating a wonderful relationship and family

    because i want all men to want me basically

    hmmm

    and maybe it wont conflict…

    orna and matthew did a session with me where we orked on this and i feel pist that its unresolved

    alhough other stuff from that session helped me like the idea of validating myself and that taking child fun dates will relieve my loneliness



  357.  #358Daria on July 23, 2011 at 4:05 am

    Patricia – the idea Rori teaches is not to judge or have a ‘type’ but be open to whoever shows up… as long as they want to please us and they don’t scare us

    not necessarily in 3d right away , in fact men who show up online are great, because we had nothing to do with it (did not lean forward and therefore its not based on past toxic attraction patterns)

    then we want to move from online to in person, so we dont spend time communicating online very much

    at first maybe men will show up who are not so great – such as long distance men – , and we keep practicing and telling the truth and respecting our boundaries – such as not talking online to a man for very long because we want in person interactions – and the quality of men improves

    men are like a river, flowing in and out of our lives, lots of them

    our triggers and past patterns come up all the time so we can heal heal heal



  358.  #359Daria on July 23, 2011 at 4:07 am

    Patricia – also we want to be open to men who seem to REALLY like us right away…

    men often talk to me now within the first conversation about what they would want to offer me… and our lives together…



  359.  #360Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 4:14 am

    right Daria…………so it moves from online, to phone…and then he says “hey I was just thinking out loud we could meet half way.” ……I start feeling uncomfortable…..I have done this before…….at first it was fun.. but I remember one trip when the weather turned bad and I had to turn back because driving wasn’t safe…..and he was long gone……not even reachable by phone….I took care of myself…no problem there….got a hotel room on my own….had a hot bath….but oh my body was shaking it was so anxious…….I was nauseated….oh I told myself no more……..I want him here in front of me………I don’t want to manage schedules and wait 6 weeks because we’re both off work and blah blah blah……I can’t help wonder if relationships should be so much easier and flow……I’ve had a few long distance relationships……….

    I appreciate your reminder of not judging…..I think what you are saying is stay with the feeling and feel free to express that………I know when I am in my heart energy…..it’s easier to do that………I think those previous LD relationships kick start my head into thinking again…………oh yuck I much prefer the heart energy…………maybe I’m still learning how to communicate with it to a man………maybe I have desires that I”m nervous about acknowledging and expressing too!!!!



  360.  #361Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 4:16 am

    I”m curious Daria ….when they begin to speak to you about what they want to offer you………how did that make you feel some time ago…..is there a shift in how it makes you feel now?



  361.  #362Daria on July 23, 2011 at 4:35 am

    Patricia – this is what jumped out at me (and its very very common of men in my experience)

    “so it moves from online, to phone…and then he says “hey I was just thinking out loud we could meet half way.” ……I start feeling uncomfortable…”

    Woman :”oohh im feeling uncomfortable… I don’t feel good driving to meet a man”



  362.  #363Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 4:44 am

    funny……..for sure i hear you……..just funny because he said in a way as if to say he was thinking it out loud and not really directly asking me yet…..almost like he was testing the waters first……….

    I almost feel like I should acknowledge my desire that I don’t want to drive to meet a man………well that’s not entirely true….I’d drive a little bit….even 45 minutes…………but no longer…………and then I say…..”Patricia why drive even 45 minutes….if he wants to see you that’s not much longer for HIM to drive now is it? ”

    I know why I do this……..it’s because my ex husband was so demanding and expected me to accommodate him over everything and I did. In the end I realize it didn’t secure anything….the marriage was doomed to disintegrate if I was to be healthy……..and it did….and I am!

    Funny these little tweeks….are necessary….I don’t have to drive to see a man………..I don’t have to drive to see a man………I feel uncomfortable driving to see a man………..I don’t feel good driving to see a man……..I want to feel good….. 🙂



  363.  #364Daria on July 23, 2011 at 4:57 am

    Patricia – yeah its one of Rori’s suggested boundaries… don’t call a man, don’t meet him anywhere (but she says first time is ok half way for 30 min)

    i actually don’t even meet them halfway the first time…

    that is when i don’t lean forward and break my boundaries… but so far when i have i realize id feel better to just hold my boundaries next time



  364.  #365Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 4:59 am

    wait….if I’m really honest with myself I have to own that I do this and not blame it on my ex husband…..I set that up…….and not blame it on a dad who was emotionally unavailable……thinking I needed to step up and prove I was lovable or accommodate to earn lovability……….

    I have to love parts of myself that have felt unloved over the years…………I feel relieved that maybe now I can see this…………..I feel scared because I ‘m not sure what comes next……….I’m trying to let my heart energy lead the way………I feel brave that I can trust it………….



  365.  #366Daria on July 23, 2011 at 5:00 am

    Patricia – before when they did this, i would “block” it somehow… and assume they were lying and/or icky depending on if i felt attracted to him or not

    i still sometimes feel mistrustful and shocked hearing it…

    however im starting to think that men feel it in the moment and say it… and so its feeling better and easier to accept it…

    i am actually feeling flattered that so many men now express interest to me this way…



  366.  #367Daria on July 23, 2011 at 5:01 am

    Patricia – you are doing so awesome!



  367.  #368Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 5:02 am

    yeah….don’t need to drive to him….don’t need to initiate calls…..but returning a message is ok…..on my terms when I’m ready……don’t need to initiate emails…….don’t need to make the first move on eharmony…………by doing that I weed out the guys I wouldn’t be interested in anyway……….I have to remember that……..lean back………easily and effortlessly……..

    thank you Daria……xo



  368.  #369Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 5:07 am

    yes! me too……hearing it felt icky…..like he was drumming up a fantasy about me or about us already…….and I for sure didn’t trust it……it was like “ok what little role is he setting up for me in his life….he doesn’t even know me yet…..he wants me to “fit” a fantasy he has at my expense”……..oh yuck….yes this is what comes up when they start offering ideas too early or talking out loud…….talk is cheap ha! that’s what I start to think….

    but is that judging? is it all just part of the beginning? hmmmmmmmmmmm

    how is it that you have come to feel flattered around it…..do dish dear siren sister….. this feels trustworthy to hear from another siren……



  369.  #370Daria on July 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Patricia – Rori says its our feeling unworthy that keeps us from being open to believing that men will really want us that much

    that men feel the attraction strongly right away (unlike women who ‘open up’ to start feeling attracted… unless the attraction is based on past toxic patterns)

    so i just practice assuming that of course they want me… im amazing

    and accepting their expressions of adoration and desire

    and yet… im not gettng invested… what facilitates me opening up is a man who steadily comes a me over time



  370.  #371Daria on July 23, 2011 at 5:20 am

    the “right man” will likely come on strong as well – he’ll probably KNOW right away that he wants me – and continue coming and coming closer as time goes on



  371.  #372Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 5:23 am

    So Daria it sounds like you’re saying their attraction is quick and strong initially so that’s how they act on it….where as women perhaps open slowly and attraction grows for them over time with consistency and his perseverence……

    … and a woman can feel her way through it morsel by morsel…..perhaps seeing his expressions as morsels to be savoured as slowly as she likes instead of thinking or feeling she has to take it all in at once…….and of course as he continues to deliver….she can continue to enjoy…..and if he stops…….no loss…..because no investment yet….just enjoyment…….just playfulness…….just heart energy………flow…….

    love it!

    🙂



  372.  #373Mel on July 23, 2011 at 5:35 am

    Wow Patricia! (Re 372)

    I love how you said this. I have enjoyed reading the exchange between you and Daria. 🙂

    Daria: “The “right man” will likely come on strong as well – he’ll probably KNOW right away that he wants me”

    This is comforting and encouraging! It also helps reinforce to me how my soon to be ex is NOT the right man!



  373.  #374Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 5:41 am

    lol
    you know sometimes I get so caught up in my day that I loose track of these things….

    I find this track by siren Christina A is a great kick start to get me out of my head and into total diva/siren sensuality…….a bit steamy? lol for the morning but hey……too much fun!

    I totally love the part where she is dancing in the rain with all the men around her….

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wt-tHcQR67Y

    lol…….ok now I have to go do my morning 10km /6 mile run….ha! I’m going need every mile to process all of this lol!



  374.  #375Mel on July 23, 2011 at 5:48 am

    Hey Turquoise!

    I’m so happy to hear from you! I’m glad that things are starting to fall into place with the move and think it’s a great idea to treat yourself to a getaway when it’s all over!

    It’s crappy to move awhole household alone, but I’m sure your “boy” will take care of it! Being married doesn’t necessarily mean help with a move either. 😉 When we moved last year I packed up the entire house by myself, gave items away, took photos and sold items we didn’t want, and then when we arrived I organized and unpacked everything. My husband was too busy at work to be involved in any of it. I know how overwhelming it can be!

    I’m going through that all over again now… only this time my difficulty is in deciding which precious things I can’t do without as I can only take very little with me. Then I come across things like old love letters, photos, or my wedding dress and I wonder what the hell I should do with them. We have no kids so there’s no reason to save it for anyone. Part of me would like to burn them, but part of me feels sad at the thought of that. So I gat stalled and end up packing nothing.

    You asked about the work colleague… I gave her many options of days I could meet and she said she was not available. I left an open invitation of “if any time is freed-up in your week, give me a text and I’ll try to make it work.” So far nothing. It appears that she doesn’t have an urgent need to meet with me after all. Some have suggested that maybe she chickened-out. Or perhaps found out that we are separated and thought it was no longer necessary to tell me. It’s also possible that she was just being friendly but didn’t have very much time left in her schedule before her move.

    I wish you much happiness in your new abode! And love will come to find you when you least expect it!

    Hope you stay in touch!



  375.  #376Starla on July 23, 2011 at 7:22 am

    picnic date:) pretty, long plain green tube top tunic and jeans, flip flops, manicured toes with little flowers painted on, earrings with gorgeous angel wings, long straight hair

    OH YES, look out:)



  376.  #377Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 7:23 am

    @376

    go Starla!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  377.  #378ice Princess on July 23, 2011 at 7:24 am

    Starla, A picnic date sounds so fun!



  378.  #379Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 7:39 am

    I thought the Ryan with another woman issue through all night, and here is what I concluded.

    He could be lying, in order to cover up his fake proposal. If he is lying, I don’t want to continue any kind of relationship with him.

    If he is telling the truth, that he was with another woman, right during a time when he was making generous hints left and right that he was about to propose to me, then I don’t want to be with him either.

    Both are a huge breach of trust.

    Now watch me walk away from him…this is where I turn back into the doormat puppy dog. I feel stuck. I am so attached to him. Praying for strength. After two years, you’d think it would be easy.



  379.  #380Ella on July 23, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Getting ready to go out and not feeling so Rockstar anymore.

    Feeling a lil nervous.

    And not feeling so amazing about J atm…

    He has not made contact to discsuss plans for tonight. Although he does not have to that always makes me feel safe and good.

    I’m just feeling a lil scared and NVs coming up that he doesn’t want me.

    Hmmmm…

    Its ok Ella. All men want me!

    Partly because energy exchange is not quite right yet… Ie: I leant forward some… and its not him coming at me always.

    So tonight my goal is not around him.

    My goal is to practiceleaning back and still being in my power.

    It is about being magnetic to whoever shows up.

    Its practicing the waterwheel and sparkles on my body and just generaly being a great Siren.

    Its about letting my personality shine through and feeling strong inside whilst still being fem energy and leaned back.

    Ow, starting to feel excited again.

    Have been toying with the idea of not having him come back after… but I don’t know yet.

    Not sure I want to have sex… it feels to triggering and I feel scared.

    Ok Ella, I love you – breath. Breath.

    xoxox



  380.  #381Ella on July 23, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Owww, and I feel angry.

    Maybe I went to far out of my comfort zone having sex?



  381.  #382Emerson on July 23, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Starla super cute outfit!! Have fun!! Can’t wait to hear how it goes!



  382.  #383Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Ice Princess,

    RE: #328 – I’m glad you can relate.

    Ryan has caused me more pain than any human being I ever knew. He himself said he doesn’t want to hurt me anymore, and the best way he can do that is to stay away from me until he gets healing from schizophrenia. I need to quit pushing it, just because I miss him. Because just when I think he has dreamed up all the ways possible to hurt a woman, he finds another.

    In my heart of hearts, I really do think he is lying about having been with another woman during that time. He always made a point about each of us being totally loyal and devoted to each other.

    I dated him from Dec 24, 2008 to Nov 7 2009. I started listening to Rori’s programs Apr 2009. I was finally getting solid about circular dating in the autumn. It was at that time that I told him I was going to start dating other men until I had a ring on my finger. At that time, that was the first time he started making references to looking at other women. And, I am pretty sure he said that only to hurt me, in retaliation for me telling him I was going to date other men.

    I want a relationship built on deep honesty. That is missing here.



  383.  #384Emerson on July 23, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Brenda, I think you had your heart open to Ryan because you are a forgiving person and kind, and you want so badly to have a friendship and connection with him. Not that I should assume that you do feel bad about it, but don’t beat yourself up for wanting this…I believe it’s common and it’s not easy to just cut people out of our lives.

    Just like you said, if it feels bad, STOP. I understand your desire for wanting a friendship/warm exchange with him, but he’s proved to be toxic in how he treats you. I also remember you shared that he is on psych meds and struggles with mental illness….this is so challenging and my heart goes out to him, but maybe he’s still getting that balanced out and is not “available” to be a “safe” friend/relationship for you.

    Not that I’m saying all mental illnesses deem a person unable to relate, I just know it’s a struggle sometimes to get the meds right, and treatment helps alot.

    My ex is bipolar and I had to “cut him off” because he was not seeking treament after we split up and couldn’t be friends anymore because he would switch to a really abusive persona.

    Maybe focus on you like Rori suggests, CD yourself and those cuties you have been meeting at church! You have some exciting stuff happening on the horizon, I feel excited to see what the future brings you!! 🙂

    What do you think?

    hugs,
    Emerson



  384.  #385Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Emerson,

    Thank you! I totally agree with everything you said. It helps me stay reality-based to hear feedback like that. I feel sad, tho.

    Before he told me that, what I had been telling myself is that I’d open up a friendship with him again as long as it remained friendly and non-hurtful. The pain is the red flag. I felt nauseated when he first told me he was seeing another woman that month. THAT month, of all months? That was the month when he gazed at me for 20 minutes silently, finally saying, “I care for you, Brenda.” And I could go on and on about all the romantic moments we shared in July of 2009.



  385.  #386ice Princess on July 23, 2011 at 8:14 am

    It is really sad to think of not having anything with someone you love and care about that much!



  386.  #387Ella on July 23, 2011 at 8:18 am

    Hmmm, not feeling so good… like uncomfortable and unsure in my tummy.

    Hmmm,

    I just want to go and have a good time and I don’t feel secure enough with J.

    And thats ok, just noticing.

    I feel off balance a lil bit when I am not with him… and Rori says what we want is a guy who we feel consitently good with, both when we are with him and when we are not.

    But tonight I just want to decide and go and have a good time regardless of any men!

    I intend to do this and it is so difficult sometimes.



  387.  #388Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Hugs to all of us. I hope and wish and pray each of us find a wonderful man!



  388.  #389Emerson on July 23, 2011 at 8:38 am

    I really want to make some changes…I need to fast for a couple of days, but I’m having a hard time figuring out how to do this. I used to buy some medically approved protein shakes to do this, but they are so pricey, I cannot afford it. Maybe I’ll just make smoothies with fruit and ice cubes andyogurt for a few days….and start there. Anyone else try to fast for 2 days or so? Im not doing it as a crash diet, more as a cleansing and digestive “break”…



  389.  #390Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 9:14 am

    I’ve been spending my life watching other people live their lives. I feel like grieving the loss of my life! I’ve watched other couples in my life, longing for the intimacy they shared with their husbands and children. I’ve majored on movies and romance novels.

    When Ryan came along, I felt more alive than I ever felt. I felt so excited and happy: at last I was living MY life!

    Now I feel myself gravitating to movies again to feel the fulfillment I am missing in my life. I feel weary of trying with men.



  390.  #391Plum on July 23, 2011 at 9:16 am


  391.  #392Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 9:18 am

    I used to lose myself in movies. I still do. But more and more, they feel like a waste of time. I want to be living my life. Yet my life is not filled with ONE wonderful man who I have fallen in love with and who has fallen in love with me.

    Everyone keeps telling me to be patient. I’ve been exceedingly patient all these years. I have my limits. I don’t want just sex, tho. I don’t want just a lover. I want it all or nothing at all. And, nothing at all is where I’ve been for far too long, and it’s a lonely place to be.

    I feel so disappointed in Ryan.



  392.  #393Plum on July 23, 2011 at 9:18 am

    379 Brenda
    *** Praying for strength.***

    Praying with you.

    xxx



  393.  #394Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 9:30 am

    Thanks, Plum…

    I need it. Right while I am saying all this stuff, it is taking all my emotional energy to not contact him. I love him, dammit! Why does he have to be such a jerk? He was the most romantic man I ever knew.



  394.  #395T-Girl on July 23, 2011 at 9:36 am

    Brenda – it breaks my heart to hear you talk like this, to give all your energy to one man that in the past you have said has “emotionally raped” you. You deserve so much better than that but I don’t think your heart realizes that yet or more importantly, you won’t LET your heart realize that. You will only find love when you are ready and open but now your energy isn’t ready.

    I encourage you to listen to the Love on Purpose calls that are going on each day and are free. You can also listen to the playback for up to 24 hours afterward if you miss it. I haven’t been able to listen to them all but the ones that I have listened to I have been getting so much out of them.

    http://www.LoveOnPurposeRevolution.com



  395.  #396Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 9:37 am

    Emerson,

    Fruit and juice are terrific for cleansing! When I lost weight in the 80s, I ate nothing but fruit and juice for 23 days, and I never felt more energetic in my life! If you add protein powder, you will feel less hungry. I use “LifeTime Life’s Basics Plant Protein Powder (Pea, Hemp, Rice, with Chia Seed) with Greens”. It’s the highest quality protein powder I’ve ever found.

    Ideally, use fresh fruit and juice.



  396.  #397T-Girl on July 23, 2011 at 9:40 am

    I also want to mention that the theme of the Love on Pupose telesummit is to break they myth that love happens by accident.

    So, Brenda, what comes to mind is people are telling you to be patient. Well, while you are being patient is when you do the inner work on yourself to prepare yourself to be open to finding the one.



  397.  #398Plum on July 23, 2011 at 9:44 am

    A good English summary of the scientific aspect of life, love, relationships and death…
    http://fora.tv/2010/08/05/John_Gray_Venus_on_Fire_Mars_on_Ice#fullprogram

    xxx



  398.  #399Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 9:46 am

    RE 373 Mel I am not sure what I am sensing but I want to encourage you to do whatever you can to know yourself. To become completely intimate with yourself so you know what you want in a man.

    I guess I feel a bit concerned about the comment the right man will come on strong. Most of the times new relationships are exciting so I believe it is normal for guys to come on strong at first. If we focus on that at least I have learned that I don’t pay attention to what I am feeling and get caught up easily in the chemistry initially. I would also assume that your husband came on strong. Maybe reminiscing on those good memories could help remind you that you have the power to create a passionate relationship.



  399.  #400T-Girl on July 23, 2011 at 9:58 am

    I took the comment about men coming on strong as they “know” when they have feelings for someone. The book The List says that an alarm goes off in men when they know, and usually it is right away. On my 2nd date with poker player, he told me that I was the first person he felt like he could spend forever with. It is so hard to grasp how they could know so fast and I questioned him on it. He said it is just a feeling. I hope its right!



  400.  #401Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 10:08 am

    RE 339 Lercomari I believe that emotions are contagious so yes when he hurts I hurt. However, I have the power to turn that around because guys forget, we all forget. If your words did not bring shame to him that would permanently damage his ego you switching back into loving you and flirty girl when he contacts you can immediately change his mood. I have come to accept that women are the emotional leaders in relationships and when the guy wants to be there he looks to the female to lead in that and he feels good with what he is feeling things can change in an instant. That is one of my beliefs why focusing on myself and my happiness has to be a priority. If he wants me he will come along for the ride.



  401.  #402Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 10:14 am

    RE 400 Yeah I do believe it is just a feeling, I have heard it enough from guys to believe that. I also believe that guys are mostly in their body so they know how they feel even if they don’t know how to verbalize it. However, I have been walking along the street doing the All That Tool, smiling and just loving myself and had a guy call me over. He told me if he was older he would marry me. The first time I walked past him he just said hi. This was the second time he spoke to me. Just two days ago I had a stranger on the train coming on to me. He was of a different race so I felt initally shocked but when I thought about Rori’s teachings I just dropped all the voices in my head and enjoyed the experience.

    My take is I have it in me to create this with everyone. So them knowing it early on is just them responding to my energy.



  402.  #403Senior Lady Vibe on July 23, 2011 at 10:22 am

    Breaking News from ABCNEWS.com:

    “Singer Amy Winehouse Reportedly Found Dead at 27” [12:53 p.m. ET]

    Life is short. Be happy, healthy and wise.

    xoxo



  403.  #404Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 10:26 am

    RE 332 Lercomari people interpret our words the way they chose to. I would encourage you not to make up stories about “you making him feel” any particular way. He hasn’t said anything. He might just have gotten distracted by something else he had to do. I would bring it back to myself and check on the guilty feelings that seems to need healing. He is a big boy he can take care of himself, he does not need a mommy in you. I believe you did great with the conversation. It is fine to have other relationships and I believe it is fine to admit to them with the caveat “nothing serious”. That communicates you are keeping your options open while taking care of your own needs. That takes the pressure off of him if he is not ready. What I have learned from guys is that they want to know that their woman is attractive to other men. It subconsciously tells them also that you are choosing them, with all your attractiveness and all the other guys wanting you. I imagine that must be a huge ego booster for him. I had a guy in my past tell me I am happy you chose me because you could be with any of these others. I didn’t understand him back then but I do now. Looking back it seems he felt honored that I chose to be with him.



  404.  #405Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 10:29 am

    RE 346 Lercomari I love that boulder analogy. I imagine you sharing this with Techie in a playful manner. I might even borrow it myself. Life is too short to do that when there is so much fun out there to be had.



  405.  #406Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 10:32 am

    RE 342 Alias Girl I just love how you express yourself. I feel excited thinking about developing skills that allow walking through walls. It feels adventurous and fun.



  406.  #407FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Emerson…I understand the ‘idea’ of cleansing/de-toxing, etc.–but the truth is that we really don’t need this. I am huge fan of Dr. Mehmet Oz and he, along with other doctors, say this is kind of a scam for selling products and that our bodies are already made to ‘detox’ and cleanse our systems. Digestion and waste leaving our bodies is that system.

    Of course if you’re ‘backed up’ then maybe some probiotic yogurt (Activia is one brand, and there are others if you read the label carefully. Yo-Plait makes one also) can get your system ‘moving’ in a regular way in less than two weeks of regular use. (And I eat yogurt anyway—so it’s not an extra purchase.)

    I’m sure I’ll get some arguments about this, but eating right (enough of the right kind of fiber) and keeping the right environment in your digestive tract (probiotics) is enough. No need to ‘starve’ ourselves….



  407.  #408Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Dr. Gray is saying when our hearts are open what we see is potential reality. When we fall in love we fall in love with a man’s potential of what he could be. It is stress that clouds that vision and forget his potential as we get amnesia. In moments of high stress we forget the good things he has done. If you want a happy relationship with a man you have to let go of all your expectations of how he should be. He says when we give love unconditionally we are happiest. He is speaking of it as it relates to oxytocin. Thanks Plum.



  408.  #409Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Dr. Gray: The more a man loves a woman is the lower his testosterone goes. He goes to his cave to rebuild his testosterone. A guy at rest is rebuilding his testosterone, translate watching tv. Wow. Seems to play into tinque’s theory on porn also.

    He even talks about how protein affects our brain.



  409.  #410Senior Lady Vibe on July 23, 2011 at 11:16 am

    @285: IamSweetViolet says:
    “…Men give perspective and validity that coincide with Rori’s point of view…”

    No, they don’t. Like any other humans, sometimes the perspectives of male posters match Rori’s viewpoints, sometimes they don’t, big time! If you read through the archives you will see this. At any rate, as far as I’ve seen, although Rori has welcomed many posters she has never required validation from any of the males who have posted here.

    xoxo



  410.  #411FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 11:17 am

    #299/Starla Thank you so much for posting that link. Due to some health issues, I’ve gotten out of the exercise/yoga habit and the article you shared is JUST what I need. I found other helpful articles there, also.

    And what great timing! I’ve been feeling like I’ll never get the ‘oomph’ to get going again. (‘veI have been a regular at yoga and Pilates for about six years.) This is great 🙂

    I’m feeling better each day and things/people are showing up in my life so that I have “options” to think about. I was starting to get pretty stuck on the fact that I’d really like to get back with xbf. But, I’m stubbornly sticking to my Siren promises (to myself) of not contacting him (he still calls nearly every day) and not asking him for anything when we do talk and not leaning forward in any other way.

    I love him with all my heart, but it may just have to be from afar (at least from the back of my horse) while I take other steps to move on and forget about ever having a life with him again. (It makes me VERY sad to even of think of that…)

    I’ve tried taking some pics of myself with my phone and ladies (and gent) I’m telling you I am NOT photogenic (never have been.) I like what I see in the mirror–I have beautiful skin and I love my hair–but when I’m in a photo I look SO awful! Even people I know say I don’t look like myself at ALL in photos–that I don’t look like what they see in person. So, I know it’s not just me or my mind playing negative tricks on me 🙁

    And while I don’t want my photo up on my (future–to be) profile, I have to at least HAVE some decent pics of myself if they ask (available on request.) What to do….? Has anyone else had this problem with photos? Any suggestions? Glamour shot type photos are out of the budget for me. I need some Siren help, ladies.



  411.  #412Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 11:18 am

    Unconditional giving causes oxytocin to be released in a woman’s body and causes our stress level to go down.

    Competition reduces stress for men and increases stress for women. It increases testosterone for men.



  412.  #413Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 11:21 am

    RE 411 Have you ever thought of saying photos don’t do me justice but I promise you will not be disappointed in the real deal?



  413.  #414Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 11:32 am

    “The only trouble is, gee whiz, I’m dreaming my life away…”



  414.  #415Senior Lady Vibe on July 23, 2011 at 11:33 am

    @310: Emerson says
    “…How come he does not know that ‘SPRANG’ is not the same as SPRAINED…..
    I feel ashamed that I am so judgmental toward him, and I will strive to be more OPEN…it’s ok that he cannot spell LOL!!!!!…”

    This is interesting. Is it possible that it’s not a misspelling and your guy is using an archaic meaning of the verb “to spring?” As in “be careful, don’t spring your leg.” Is your guy a “mountain man?” It probably doesn’t matter much; I’m just always curious.

    😀

    xoxo



  415.  #416Brenda on July 23, 2011 at 11:35 am

    T-Girl,

    Thanks!



  416.  #417Senior Lady Vibe on July 23, 2011 at 11:39 am

    @314: Emerson says:
    “…For example, he said “I’m not as nibble as I used to be…” he means NIMBLE, and he capitalizes random words here and there in a sentence. WTF?? trivial, I know!..”

    OK, I got it… there’s no archaic use of “nibble.” 😆
    This is education as well as cultural. But you get to see the man as he is; that’s a good thing! Nibble by nibble…

    😀



  417.  #418Senior Lady Vibe on July 23, 2011 at 11:46 am

    @316: Brenda says:
    “…What do I do with that?…”

    What I would do is leave it in the past where it happened. I’d also consider it a vote of confidence that I was doing the right thing by staying on my horse and CDing!

    I’d give myself a little hug too…. {{{{{Brenda}}}}}

    xoxo



  418.  #419Senior Lady Vibe on July 23, 2011 at 11:59 am

    @325: Brenda says:
    “…It feels bad….”

    I do not think there is anything wrong with saying…”it feels bad listening to you talk about seeing another woman when we were dating. I don’t want to hear any more about it. I’m going to hang up now…” or go now… or whatever it is.

    And then I’d go and do something fabulous for myself. Something that was on “the list.” “The List” = Little things I have in mind to do, buy or experience… They could be Big Things too but it’s difficult to spend the day in the Louvre at a moment’s notice… 😆 So I’d go someplace local and maybe get a few new art supplies too instead.

    😀



  419.  #420Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    Emerson – i’ve fasted before by going totally vegan.

    no meat or animal products… it feels challenging in the US

    i think the idea is actually to NOT have a lot of protein during this time

    the lower fat lower protein content of the meals gives the liver and digestive system a ‘break’ and strengthens the organism

    I would make veggie shakes… just take a whole buncha salads and blendem… you can add agave syrup, apples, or cantaloupe if you want it to taste like fruit instead of veggies… but i get a certain pleasure from drinking the earthy tasting veggies – kinda like eating a real mud pie! hehe

    also eating good quality not chemically processed seaweed copiously at this time would do Amazing things for the body… that would be my ideal… Maine Coast has great seaweed… i like the dulce

    if you just want to fast for a few days, you can definitely do this…

    you can drink fruit juices like you spoke about, or veggie juices meanwhile… make sure to stay hydrated, and rest… you may get headaches if your body detoxes quickly (although i would expect that to start a lil later in a longer fast)

    i have gone vegan for much longer times… like 6 weeks… with no problem



  420.  #421Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Go FeminineWoman! your experiences with men sound awesome!



  421.  #422Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    omg ! amy winehouse passed away??? whaaat *feels shock*



  422.  #423Senior Lady Vibe on July 23, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    @348: Daria says:
    “…I am now able to feel good with and curious about ANY man I am cding.. even if he was 40 years older…”

    Nah, send those to me…. so I can be the younger woman… 😀

    xoxo



  423.  #424Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Flower Child : re: photos…

    I have the “im not photogenic” issue going on too… whether its just a belief that shows up … i dono

    a webcam … they are sometimes as cheap as 10$ usually around $20

    is GREAT… because… it shows just what I will look like ON SCREEN while im snapping the picture

    that way I can turn myself to an angle that I appreciate… and look awesome in

    another idea that is not as successful for me but reasonably useful sometimes is to stand in a mirror and hold my phone … which also shows what picture its about to take…

    and look and adjust the phone from an angle pointed at the mirror, not at me… and take the pic that way…

    the phone will be in the picture but OH WELL! 🙂

    glamour shots, pro shots, can also be like $8 bucks a package sometimes at busy malls



  424.  #425Emerson on July 23, 2011 at 12:18 pm

    Thanks Brenda Flowerchild and Daria for your feedback about fasting… I like the idea of going vegan for a bit becaues it will force me to really look at what I’m eating, if nothing else.

    I will let you know how it goes.

    SLV re 415…LOL no he’s not a mountain man, he is hispanic but born and raised here in US, and I just find it kinda amusing that he’s spells random stuff wrong! I went to academically obsessed schools where we would never ever get away with such errors without being totally humiliated, in a way!! LOL…but it taught me well.

    At any rate, I struggle with one thing with him and that is that he tends to ask for my advice frequently…sometimes I just bypass the question completely, and not sure how to handle this. Any ideas ladies???

    Well I’m off to go meet some friends and enjoy the sun. I am having a wardrobe crisis, almost to the point of staying home….(gah!!) but just decided to wear whatever I have and just go have fun.



  425.  #426FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    #413/FW Yes, I may have to do something like that. I feel bad, though, because I want to see pictures of them! :-p Although I suppose I wouldn’t not meet someone because he didn’t have a photo. I’m just more comfortable having some idea what they look like.

    Also, does the phrase, “photos don’t do me justice” have a snobby ring to it? Like I think I’m “all that”? And there’s always a chance I would be a disappointment. Oh, well…I guess it’s not very Sireny of me to think like that is it?

    Thank you for the suggestion. I’m a little nervous about making a profile and VERY nervous about my mini speech to xbf about CDing. In one way I don’t feel like I need to tell him about it…because I know he won’t like it. Hell, I don’t even like it!



  426.  #427Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:22 pm

    I would feel surprised if you liked the one im thinking of

    wouldn’t go there to introduce you to my best friend OG Bill either… he’s a lil wild and crazy 🙂 … and icky and messy…

    I bet at that age lots of men would be involved in ‘clubs’ and stuff regarding their hobbies…

    like chess, or maybe Boating! or … bill likes doing home repairs, collecting CARS!! oh boy yes they do this… and probably church stuff

    Bill goes to Jehova’s Witness study to pick up on a lady there (yes he does… on his ex wife’s sister) *shaking my head*



  427.  #428Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:23 pm

    427 was to SLV



  428.  #429Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Flower Child – you ARE all that, this is actually a tool “the im all that tool”

    try the webcam, it worked wonders for me to take 300 pics in 20 min and pick 3 good ones



  429.  #430Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    RE 426 So what if you think you are all that? So what if you want to see him and don’t want to share a picture? Why would you think you would be a disappointment? Could it be something coming up for you to heal?



  430.  #431Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Flower Child
    Oh I can so relate to the issue of posting a photo…..I can be self conscious about it and think no one will be attracted …..but the reality is that pictures are plays with light….and so the approach I took was to play and take lots of different types of photos and see what happened……
    my daughter who is 15 is fun…and she loves photography with her little digital camera….one day for fun we took each other’s photos and when we were down loading them to see them on the computer I started to get self conscious again…..she then said to me….”mom try this” and she showed me the website http://www.picnik.com and there (it’s free) you can upload a photo and play with the effects…you can change the saturation of colour, texture, airbrush…..all for fun….she took some of my photos and said watch….and voila it was me but better! It didn’t feel fake at all…..after all it was me….she said she and her friends do this all the time and that it actually boosts their self confidence….and she was right!
    I find it fun to do black and whites (in the little booths at the mall), digital shots….webcam shots….etc….a whole array of them…and post a few that you’re most happy with and then change them up……men will see that you are playful and have a variety going…….and some sites like eharmony let them know (if they are a match) that you’ve changed your photo….kinda nudges them to notice your siren…….it’s a little flirty…..

    I hope you might find some playfulness in this ….it will help with the CDing and the nervousness……. 🙂



  431.  #432FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 12:30 pm

    Thank you Daria—My daughter offered to help me take some pics with our phones. She said the same thing (although she also knows of the nearly unrecognizable ‘mystery person’ who shows up when my photo is taken)–that we have to take many, many pics and out of that we can find a decent one or two.

    This is scary…. :-O



  432.  #433FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    #431/Patricia Thank you SO much for sharing this link! This may be just what I need 🙂

    Yes, I am going to try and have fun with this. It’s the only way out of this stagnant place I’ve been stuck in for too long. The more options I see out there for me (many things, not just men) the less disappointed I feel at the possibility of losing, forever, the life we had together.

    Thanks for the encouragement 🙂



  433.  #434Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Brenda I have felt insulted after commenting on the Ryan issue in the past so I know I am going out on a limb here. In any event, when he reemerged recently I said to myself here we go again. Yes I know it is judgemental but to me it seems you keep putting yourself on the merry go round of victimhood. It seems that most of your life from the stories you post here you have lived out a programming of victimhood. I have read in Gay Hendricks book about the programs we play out in our life, maybe Conscious Living and The Big Leap. It is my humble opinion, and I own that, any man you invite into your life right now might be invited to rescue the victim as well as to continue to beat her up. Until you build up the strength to climb off that familiar merry go round, even if it is only in your imagination, I believe you might continue to do this. I recognize that life has been overwhelming to and am wondering if there is something in childhood that needs to be healed so you can move forward from the stuck place.

    I have gone through a whole gamut of emotions reading your situation and this time I skipped earlier but after reading Daria addressing alias girl so bravely I realized I had a fear to heal also and it is the reason I have re-read and am now addressing you. I wish I could bring something to the table that could help you move through your fears, love your self and raise your vibration. Ryan might have come back for you to help this victimhood thinking. I believe until we really learn our lessons life keeps repeating them to us. This might come across as a lecture but god I want to see you overcoming.



  434.  #435FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    #430/FW I guess I have this OVERLY developed sense of what’s “fair.” You know, the old “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” idea. Why should I expect blah-blah-blah when I’m not willing to ______or when I don’t have___ or I’m not_____?

    I do need to start thinking better of myself. I’ve come a long way, but still have a ways to go. All the more reason for me to hang out on Siren Island as much as I can! 🙂



  435.  #436Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    286:

    I am totally going to use “stripper” next time a man asks me what I do for a living.

    Stealing this from you, DE. I hope you don’t mind. 😉



  436.  #437English Woman on July 23, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Maya Angelou (God I love this woman :))

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqOqo50LSZ0&feature=related



  437.  #438Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 12:44 pm

    RE 431 Patrica thanks for that link I feel excitement building just thinking of playing around with it. I am going to share it with my daughter right now.



  438.  #439Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    RE 435 Who started that “what’s fair” belief with you?



  439.  #440Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:47 pm

    FlowerChild – drop “fair” altogether… just imagine it as a masculine way of looking at things that doesn’t belong in romance

    that’s what i did. it really helped. i used to LOVE fair. wow. i feel like shaking my head thinking of the way i used to try to make things “balanced”

    i would even go as far as to do something somewhat attacky towards him to “balance” something awful he did … because to me if it was “even” then it was ok…

    anyway… dropping the idea of ‘fair’ really helps in romance

    romance is more than fair… its lovely and romantic…



  440.  #441Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Flower Child – my *mystery person* looks like a bedraggled drug addicted…man hehe

    i sometimes keep those photos just to practice loving me… finding a little something i appreciate in the photo… like maybe my eyeball…

    loving and not judging really reshapes the perception… i am practicing this with my voice too… giving myself permission to sing… and when i think it goes “off” saying this is still ok… and keep telling myself i sound good, my voice is lovely, and something that triggers me about it is not necessarily ,mean ‘i can’t sing’ or ‘im bad’

    i know this will eventually heal my singing

    and i bet something similar would heal my non photogenecity

    hehe



  441.  #442Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    317:

    So happy to see you, Turq. I figured you were extremely busy with packing and all.

    Just think, in a little over a month, you will be living in your new home. How exciting is that?! I can tell you that I was in total boy energy mode for about six weeks while I was getting ready to move and then, moving. TOTAL boy. I didn’t even have time, it felt, to take a long bath…quick showers, in and out, running around…boxes everywhere. I wasn’t even thinking about boys so much. I think I had one or two dates during that period only.

    And really, I am feeling like I am just now getting my vibe back up. All work and no play, you know…

    I’m excited for you…



  442.  #443Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    RE 438 My daughter said I know about it already and started showing me pics she recently took lol



  443.  #444Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    Lilybelle and (DE) – i feel a bit concerned about the ‘stripper’ response…

    this kind of playfulness can work fine… but it can also be a little “clever” and block a heart connection

    if you want to go this way, don’t forget you are going to go with how it FEELS to be a stripper (even if its made up, humourous, whimsical)

    ohh i feel so turned on when i grind on my pole, im a stripper… comes to mind… lol



  444.  #445Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    RE 434 Brenda I omitted to include that after going through the gamut of emotions after reading your posts I finally arrived compassion, which is the reason I decided to be brave and write. I will also admit that the energy behind the words felt heavy and draining to me.



  445.  #446Daria on July 23, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    wow Feminine woman i feel honored and surprised to read that you thought i was brave in that… i felt like throwing up before and after… and i feel amazed that it was perceived as brave

    thank you for writing that i felt got and affirmed where i needed it



  446.  #447Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    335:

    I don’t “chat” (I do not like that word) or IM.



  447.  #448Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    RE 444 CCarter actual encourages that kind of playfulness to initially get a guys attention as in sit up and listening. He says it break the normal boring response that guys get from girls. He also suggests that guys bond through playfulness and teasing and it is a no brainer way to bond with a guy. He also suggests that guys get it when we use the opposite of what we mean. They know that it is a joke and usually pick up the ball. If I am not mistaken I believe he suggests similar examples to build attraction.

    I get what Daria means about the energy behind the word though. So I would use it wiht an old flame for instance rather than a new cd, maybe to get his imaginination going. It is all about experimenting to see what we can create.



  448.  #449Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    RE 446 You are welcome. I believe we can move through our fear or any emotion the way we choose to regardless of how we are feeling. I totally know the feeling of throwing up or nauseousness, I’ve been there.



  449.  #450Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    RE 323 English Woman I got that cat analogy from
    Virginia Feingold Clarke another coach that Rori introduced us to.



  450.  #451Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:17 pm

    RE 321 English Woman I just learnt through a link that Plum posted that giving raises our oxytocin level and helps to reduce stress. It feels good to us when we give unconditionally so I can find ways to give to myself or to animals or others less fortunate than myself. I am now seeing “it is better to give than to receive” in a new light.



  451.  #452Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    RE 320 Emerson from what I have learned from different guys such things tell them that the woman is focussed on him and lowers her status in his eyes; I have been told “I don’t want a woman focussing on me” by a guy while talking about another woman. I guess some guys, not necessarily all. Some guys want a trophy that they can shine up and show off. I used to take offense to that thought but now I tell myself that I am the trophy that he has to compete for and he will work the rest of his life to keep sparking so he will be willing to give and do.

    Another guy shared with me that it causes him to feel obligated as if he has to do something in return or give something. I have a guy in my office who gags over this kind of thing on Valentine’s day and Father’s day. He hates it when he gets stuff and comes to the office and grumble through it every year because he ends up feeling obligated. It seems he just wants to give. He even told me recently that he told his daughter not to give him anything. His only concern is that she is happy and he will be happy.

    My take is that the relationship dance is different with each person and if we pay attention we can stay in step in how to dance with them.



  452.  #453Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 1:25 pm

    374:

    Loved this vid, Patricia.

    When I was watching that, I thought more than one time, that I desire to be that Siren-y/Goddess-y. I desire to have a bod like that AND I would very much like to have all sorts of hot, yummy men around me..

    I would also like to have her pipes. That girl can sing…

    Whew!

    I desire to take vocal lessons. I love to sing and haven’t in years, publically. I want to do that again.



  453.  #454Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    444:

    I thought if I said it, I would say it with a wink and a smile, keeping it totally fun and playful. Almost “hot” even.



  454.  #455Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Turquoise great to see you here and thanks for the update. What is “fair” anyway? I just learned that our oxytocin helps reduce stress and that giving increases the oxytocin level. What I would suggest to you to do is hug your kids a little longer when you do to increase these good feeling hormones in your body while you plan and pack for the move. Maybe find someone less fortunate to give to once in a while also as giving raises those hormones as well.



  455.  #456Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    376:

    Smokin’, Starla.

    Can’t wait to hear about it. I have a basket and wine in my head…sprawled out on a blanket with laughter, mine and others, in the air..

    It feels great.

    Universe, I would like a picnic date too!



  456.  #457Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    RE 453 Lilybelle doing that could raise your passion for life and give you something new and exciting to talk about. I am having that experience with dancing. Imagine me doing ballet. My zumba teacher is experimenting with all kinds of things. She is a dancer since 6 and she is so goddessy and sireny in the way she walks, talks, purrs and images she creates with words. All the time with her man sitting in the next room hearing her. Her energy is yummy.



  457.  #458Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    RE 454 I would say Lilybelle if the intention is doing it for yourself, why not?



  458.  #459Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    While she takes us through some moves she talks about thinking of ourselves as Goddesses, embracing the positive energy and pushing away the negative energy, hugging ourselves and loving ourselves, talking out loud to the Universe to bring things into our lives. I really thank Rori for directing me to live a happy life because I am seeing around me in living color things I have learned from her.



  459.  #460Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    403:

    Awwww, bless her…



  460.  #461Lilybelle on July 23, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    432:

    I am also one of those who shows up as “Who in the hell is THAT” in photographs.

    SO not photographic.



  461.  #462Learning on July 23, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    I was you two and a half years ago. I was such a doormat that my husband actually said it was easier to not be around me. He did everything he could to get away. He would take the kids and run to his mother’s house throw them at her and sit and watch tv. I was in medical school at the time, and when I was off, he didn’t want to be with me. I started reading Rori, and changed our life. I followed her steps, and quit thinking about my husband at all. He would put the kids in bed with him so there wasn’t room for me, so instead of getting mad, I went to my daughters room and made myself a nice cozy nest with my favorite books, and tea, and little lamp, and loved my space. Three nights later when I got home from med school the kids were in their own beds, and I had no choice but to move back to our own. These tiny steps changed everything within a few months, and now I would say we are better than we were when we were engaged. I was diagnosed with stage III breast cancer 7 months ago. I have had a mastectomy, chemotherapy, and am now in radiation, and I am still bald. When I was diagnosed my husband cried with me, and held me, and has been my biggest supporter. This is a million miles from the man that would place the kids between us so he didn’t have to talk with me. I left medical school three months after beginning Rori’s advice, and am home with my children, and fighting cancer. We have a new relationship, and I have grown so much. He is starting to grow now, and I see some of the anger issues and doormat issues I had in the past that pushed him away coming out of him as he grows. Last night he got mad that I cooked him carrots because it isn’t on his Atkins diet. Mad to the point of storming out of the house and going out to eat. The old me would have cried and apologized, chased him out the door, felt terrible for days straight. The new me knows, it’s not about the carrots, and if it is he is being a baby. I finished cooking dinner. I had a wonderful dinner with my daughter and sister’s family. I snuggled in bed and read a good book. Basically quit thinking about him except for a quick prayer to God to help him through whatever stress he is experiencing (Cancer is stressful, even for the spouse of the sick one) but I moved on. I know he felt terrible about his outburst this morning, because he had picked up donuts before I even got out of bed, and he came with me to do the shopping this morning, and right now he is out taking the kids swimming. I can’t go because I am too burnt from radiation. I am relaxing and enjoying some me time. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! Whenever I feel myself start heading in that doormat direction, because old habits die hard, I come to this web-site, and remind myself of some tips and that I matter too! I also remind myself that I need to take care of me, or I can care for no-one else. I have high hopes for you, and if your husband started out good, you can have him back better. You wouldn’t believe how bad we were before turning it around, but he was a good guy to begin with, and that man showed back up!



  462.  #463Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Wow Learning I feel blessed to be able to share in your story. I encourage you to read the link with Dr. Gray. He shares information about the link with cancer and oxytocin. Thanks for the encouragement that things can change for the better with good information.



  463.  #464Daria on July 23, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Lilybelle – i dont want to discourage fun and playfulness… go ahead and experiment with the energy and words of that

    going for that as a ‘clever’ ‘hot, winking, provocative’ approach is actually a masculine style (David DeAngelo teaches it to men)

    in a feminine energy style, as Rori teaches, is about connecting from the heart: express not impress

    does this resonate?

    you can still try it if it appeals to you! i would encourage you to try feeling messages about it

    ‘oh it feels amazing to be admired and adored while dancing… im a stripper’ can still feel really fun and playful

    then you can even say later ‘oh it felt so fun to say that’

    going for the wow fun factor without connecting with the heart is not going to work – that’s my take on it – and this is my ‘fallback stance’ that i practice softening up

    it makes great man friends though!



  464.  #465ice Princess on July 23, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    LP called and tried to invite me to lunch but I purposely left my phone at home when I went swimming today so I replied hours later with “Already had lunch sorry”. Then he called to see if he could pick up some of his things and I told him he could but after I got home. When he did come for his things he told me that he felt confused that I took his “I’m not healthy for you” speech to heart when it was followed by what he called a good afternoon together. I told him the ball wasin his court but only if he felt like he was healthy for me for if he doesn’t believe it then he couldn’t possibly be. How do you guys think our interaction went? I feel like he is trying to reopen things but I am fearful that he will go back to his old self of only contacting me at his convience and for his gain rather than a give/take relationship.



  465.  #466Daria on July 23, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    way to go Learning!



  466.  #467FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Oh, Daria/#441…I think your pic on here looks beautiful! But thank you for sharing that you’ve had some experience with photos of yourself that you don’t like. It makes me feel better.

    I believe that growing up in the years that I did has something to do with my concept of “fair.” I grew up in the wake of women’s rights, civil rights and later on I felt (still do) strongly about equality for ALL people. And while younger folks may see the world as fair and equal—racism, bigotry, and hate still exist. I lived through the 1967 riots and the nightmare of “bussing” (an attempt to bring segregation to public schools.) I watched kids fight, carry weapons and stab each other in the lunchroom. I had friends become victims of hate crimes and/or discrimiation because they were gay or “not white.”

    I listened to my parents talk about how “they weren’t prejudiced,” while at the same time saying there was ‘no excuse’ for the riots and how they didn’t want ‘coloreds’ to buy the house down the street. (Even as a child, I knew it was about way more than people breaking rules. It was about oppression and survival….and so, so sad.) The city I grew up in is still one of the most segregated cities in the United States–not physically segregated—but in attitude. I still have contact with a professor from college and we talk about this from time to time.

    So, yes. I have a very distinct idea about what’s “fair.” And I am learning from Rori—I think this is correct—that what works out in the world does not work in relationship/marriage. I’m not sure how I will get over my attachment to “fairness.”

    Sirens….?



  467.  #468Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    RE 465 That may be the case but if you are cdating you might not notice.



  468.  #469Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    464 resonates with me.



  469.  #470Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Learning
    @462

    Oh my gosh your photo is beautiful……when I read your story it was even more beautiful!
    Your story radiates strength and I was so excited to read it……wow



  470.  #471Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Flower Child
    @467

    …to be clear….I hear your story about HOW your concept of fair evolved….but to help us out here…can you describe your concept of “fair”…..I’m trying to understand….what do you see as “fair” ? what do you see as “unfair”? I”d like to hear more if that’s ok?



  471.  #472ice Princess on July 23, 2011 at 2:24 pm

    #468-FW,

    You’re right I might not notice, but I guess my question is, is it something that I should allow to happen?



  472.  #473FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 2:27 pm

    Learning/#462…welcome. Your story is inspiring. I will remember you in my prayers/meditation. This is a wonderful place to come for support. I hope to see/read you again… <3



  473.  #474Daria on July 23, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    FlowerChild – i feel chills reading that because it resonates SO much for me. Equality for all people – i feel SO SO SO SO SO passionately about that

    i fel heat rising up and shakes and sobs going through my body right now just writing that

    as far as how to let go of ‘fair’ in relationships…

    are pink and blue equal?

    masculine energy is masculine, feminine energy is feminine

    and at the same time – magically – somehow feminine is encompassing masculine as well

    non duality so to say

    so what feels good to a woman, what brings romance, is MORE than fair… its healing embracing and magical

    does that help?



  474.  #475Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 2:32 pm

    My understanding of Rori’s teaching is to allow everything to happen unless it feels bad, the guy is creepy or something puts our life at risk. Every experience is for opening me up and learning about myself. It reminds of a married guy at work who always complements me but I have always felt dirty in his presence. For years he has told me that I look good, even when I gain weight. I know now that it is because I feel turned off in my body around him because sometimes his energy feels sleazy. I now play with it to open me up as I accept that I am a Goddess and ask myself why wouldn’t any man be turned on by me? Why would I want to put up walls around myself, when I am now working to take them down. I can get something from a man I am not physically attracted to, to raise my self esteem. Just yesterday he was doing it again, lowering his voice and saying it. I accept it that I have felt less than so I cannot possibly look good. He was offering a massage and another guy who I am friendly with walked up and suggested that I accept it, just to see what he would do. I played along with them that yes one of these days I will. The guy began to laugh and then walked off. In my mind, his bluff was being called.



  475.  #476Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Ice Princess I see my experience as this guy pushing my boundaries which I sense is similar to your experience. Every man comes with a message and for me this one is to become aware of myself so that rather than retreating in fear I trust boundaries, stay strong on the inside and accept what feels good to me. I will not allow any man to get me off my horse or my bridge to happily ever after.



  476.  #477Emoticon on July 23, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Something keeps telling me 2 contact my ex. Maybe my intuition but its def not my Siren intuition. But Sirens go by intuition…. hmmm what to do?

    Like im really not expecting anything, jus feel the need to contact him. I guess its ok 2 contact him if im not expecting anything from it 😐 or is it?

    Fellow Sirens help me out??? plz…



  477.  #478FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    #471/Patricia Well, I feel that if a relationship is two equal partners then what’s expected of one should go for the other. I also was married to a violent, physically abusive man and that also added to my sense of fairness (what’s good for one is good for the other) because it was so VERY UNfair living that way. I still have permanent physical injuries and he owes me over $40,000 in back child support, but I’ll never get it because he had kids with other women after me and they are minors (come first in court) and the IRS has leans on anything he owns. I have forgotten all of this and have even forgiven him—because it was hurting ME to carry around that anger and resentment.

    As much as I believe in Rori’s teaching—I still even feel that us CDing and not wanting them to is not fair. BUT–I wouldn’t be CDing (or planning on it) if he knew what he wanted and/or committed to it. So, I do see that it’s because we are ready and they are not, but still want to keep us committed to them (or at least exclusive.)

    I guess I am somewhat confused/mixed up about the fairness issue, but I really want to use the tools correctly and in order to do that my mind has to be in the same place or it’s not authentic. I realize I have a lot to work on.



  478.  #479Patricia on July 23, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    this is totally unrelated, please excuse this sidebar, but does anyone know how we can upload our photo beside our name where the pretty flower is now by default?

    thanks so much…
    🙂



  479.  #480Femininewoman on July 23, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    Emoticon if you feel like a Rockstar yes. My only take on that is that it might produce short term success. I believe Ella and Daria’s recent posts spoke of examples of guys they reached out to. The other thing is that some guys have a pattern of going into their caves. It is a pattern in different areas in their lives. The John Gray link I listened to earlier suggest they do that to rebuild the testosterone in their bodies. I have recently read some writing from Rori that suggests that when we reach out it translates “for friendship”. Some guys see this as us wanting/”needing” something from them. When they reach out it is likely for passion and romance. So if I am comfortable with being put in the “friend zone” I will reach out to a guy that I initially had romantic interests in. For me it is a masculine energy pattern I have played out most of my life because I was so afraid of rejection or maybe even intimacy.



  480.  #481FlowerChild77 on July 23, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    #477/Emoticon I think it’s ok (by Rori’s rules) to contact him if you have no expectation whatsoever. If you will feel ok no matter how he responds or acts when you do, then I don’t think it matters that you contact him. I understand what you mean about following your intuition 😉



  481.  #482