Are You His Inquisitor? Making Him Feel Safe And Loved Is All About YOU

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Here’s a great letter and my answer from Sheri:

Hi Rori!

My name is Sheri, and I have been following your readings for over a year now. You have helped me through a great deal of pain, misunderstandings, and have provided me with the patience I need in order to grow.

I have a question now regarding my current relationship. I’ve been involved with a man now for over a year. We’re in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, and have been living together for quite some time. I should also point out that we’re both in our late 20’s.

We’re in the same place emotionally — meaning that we want the same things from a long term relationship. We’re done with “dating,” and have been looking at each other as the one.

My boyfriend has learned to internalize his feelings (as many men do). He bottles up all of his emotions and rarely shares them with me. (I should point out that he bottles up emotions that have to do with me or our relationship. He has no problem sharing about a rut he’s in over something work-related, etc. He just can’t share his feelings about us).

If I can tell he’s in a mood, and ask what he is thinking, he gets defensive, believing that I should just “know,” as if I am able to read his mind. He believes that because I am not a psychic, and cannot read his mind, that something is wrong with us.

The more he internalizes, the farther away I feel from him. Occasionally, when he has confronted a feeling about us, I typically react “negatively,” with hurt feelings. He then tells me angrily that -this- is why he bottles things up… because I become defensive and upset. I try to explain calmly that I am only human, and the things he says affect me.

I have every right to feel my emotions, and that I don’t want a relationship that isn’t honest. Now, I should also point out that I am a very easy going person. I rarely get “angry,” I just feel hurt. And my hurt feelings, nevertheless, prevent him from opening up to me.

This has also caused him to keep other things from me. Such as when an old flame or two contacted him during our relationship, and they had a back and forth email exchange. It might sound harmless, but being an honest person, I always tell him if and when these things happen to me. When he does not tell me, it makes me wonder more if he’s being dishonest.

Even if it hurts me, I’d rather know the truth. It also makes me feel that he only tells me things to appease me. Such as when I’m feeling most vulnerable and feel that I need to confirm his feelings, he will tell me lovingly that he is “not going anywhere.” I question all the time whether he is being honest or just telling me what I want to hear to prevent confrontation. Needless to say, I feel unstable in this relationship most of the time.

I would like to know how to get him to feel vulnerable and comfortable. Every woman wants their man to open up to them. I have read my things from you about remaining calm, feeling my emotions in the moment, and doing nothing. However, now, my boyfriend already made up his mind that he cannot tell me how he is feeling due to fearing my reaction.

And he is also the first one to tell you that people can’t change. So, how can I change his thinking? How can I consistently create an environment for him to want to share his deepest feelings with me, even if they make me feel hurt?

We got into an argument yesterday, and it caused him to open up a little for the first time. My reaction was a little defensive, and I told him I was hurt, but still encouraged him to share his feelings. He then told me that he refuses to open up, and that -this- is why I’m not at -that- level with him, because my reactions are negative.

Despite our argument, and my hurt feelings, I already feel closer to him than I have in a while — because he opened up. How can I communicate that to him without him wanting to back away?

This issue has been on my mind for months now, and I have been desperately trying to understand it.

Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my worries. I look forward to hearing from you and beginning the journey to heal my feelings.

Best,
Sheri

***

My Answer:

Sheri, I want to give you a huge hug and ask you, depending on your finances – to consider these resources:

1. My Modern Siren program – it’s all about creating SAFETY and thrills in your relationship…

http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/modernsiren/

2. My Love Forever Client Membership program… only my clients or women who have written to me have access to this…

http://www.coachrori.com/love-forever-program/

The next teleclass will be in mid-July – and until then, there’s over 6 sessions and 9 hours of audio help (all downloadable to your itunes and ipod ) – and the first 2 Sessions of it is what my clients get when they work with me – specific homework and techniques to steady you, change your entire perception of your relationship, and shift your vibe.

3. Private coaching. Can be expensive – but can also help you tremendously. In addition to me, there’s Virginia Clark at www.itsnevertoolatetomary.com,  Dominique at www.sexandheart.com, and Orna And Matthew Walters at www.creatingloveonpurpose.com

All are excellent.

4. The thing is – this is about YOUR spiritual journey, and about YOUR maturity and solidity with YOURSELF.

His job is NOT to be emotionally open with you.

His job is to think and be a man.

YOUR job is to get to know yourself.To learn…

…how to stop automatically going to “hurt” whenever you’re “triggered”

…how to deal with your emotional self

…how to go deeper into yourself

…and most important – how to create a safe space for yourself and for him in the relationship.

If you can at least get WORKING toward this…things will turn around immediately.

Books I can recommend are: This Thing Called You by Ernest Holmes, Trusting You Are Loved by Lew Epstein…and finding perhaps a non-denominational or new-age church or temple where you can start feeling stronger inside…

He clearly feels like you are a natural inquisitor, that you “need” him for something and that he’s failing at it…

Love, Rori

Posted in

535 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Ha



  2.  #2Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 6:59 am

    YOUR job is to get to know yourself.To learn…

    …how to stop automatically going to “hurt” whenever you’re “triggered”

    …how to deal with your emotional self

    …how to go deeper into yourself

    …and most important – how to create a safe space for yourself and for him in the relationship.



  3.  #3Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Are you his inquisitor?

    Reminds of the Roman Inquisition.



  4.  #4nellie on August 9, 2012 at 7:10 am

    hi, pls how do i send a private email to Rori?



  5.  #5bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 7:35 am

    hahaha…. i haven’t even read this but fw’s “ha” & my own guilty voices are making me laugh already. yum giggles in the morning. all the men help me & all the women are safe : )) yum



  6.  #6Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Not Asking a Man Questions

    A well structured cool woman is a sex bomb
    She needs to respect men’s feelings and to stay out of their boundaries
    No suggestion of what he could do, no questioning why he does whatever. In fact, no questions at all.
    Questions are intrusions into men’s mind, it freezes them.
    Plus questions are opposite to cdating.
    Cdating is about focusing on Me, opposed to paying attention to what he does when he is not even in front of her
    So she stops the emails type ”hello, how are you doing or what are you doing”
    she also stops adding a friendly question at the end of the answers she sends back to them.
    it took her all these years to understand:
    NO questions
    She is detached, so logically, she does not feel curiosity, she does not ask.
    She is doing him a favor answering as it is, but that’s it.
    He needs to find what else to say , if he really wants to keep the convo going. But she must stop pulling the rug from under his feet, with her questions. Questions is an emotional castration.
    lol
    Who would have known?
    Questions are shortening the vital distance between the man and her. He panics away.
    She thinks she is getting it.
    She needs to overcome the need to KNOW everything, to control. Respect and trust for the other.
    Thus, she needs to also overcome the need to explain.
    No questioning, no explaining.
    wow all she needs is to be simpler a lot simpler.
    Stop feeling and thinking for others. It is none of her business.
    Stick to what he writes. Answer to it, don’t add anything, don’t step off tracks, don’t over do it.
    Listen to what he says, speak back in his same track, follow him, don’t take a new track by asking or explaining or advicing

    FeminineWoman Feb 2 2012



  7.  #7ruth on August 9, 2012 at 7:56 am

    5.Radlove, reading that I am amazed i have had any relationships at all.

    I am the nosiest woman on the planet



  8.  #8bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 8:06 am

    humbug crunchy old grumbling man in my brain : ))))
    lol i’m laughing at it now & patting him on the back ((((old man)))) (((((your old bones))))) picturing that hard way spines get…. curvy soft like ivy, ladies of the garden, climb the wall….



  9.  #9Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 8:12 am

    What’s frustrating is that IF R IS grooming me to be his future wife, my only option is to jump thru his hoops. Because he won’t tolerate talk of us being anything other than friends, and any time I suggest that I am being tested and tried, etc, he flat out denies it and tells me I’m insane.

    I know enough about him to know this MAY be a ruse. I mean, i want to be my best self, but I don’t like it if he is indeed holding out himself as the ever-dangling carrot until I become slender, well-mannered, not too needy, etc.

    The way he operated in 2009 was to try to get me to believe he was only interested in friendship, when he was clearly interested romantically. Par for the course tells me my theory may be correct. But I don’t know.

    But I do know I’m terribly in love with him. 😆



  10.  #10bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 8:19 am

    kept getting scared this morning… almost “mad” : ) but i just didn’t & actually cd resolved everything for me. i think he always does, if i let him… if i’m quiet & allow him to “finish his sentence”… hm : ) don’t mind i’m just me just me walking, talking just me bee bop idk what he is thinking. idk what he is doing. human human, hoorah. tense all your body, wiggle it out. no problems & the men help me & i don’t have to attack, or defend……… triggered by my own ideal of the nxked woman lying by the side of the lion……… hmmm………. like, ok are you ever going to get up & do anything. ants in my pants. restless. “lazy” judgement. hmmm…. books, buying books on spring break. the only week of the year i’d wear makeup. go to the restaurants & i’d pretend i was “old enough” & maybe my mama was pretending she was “single” & we’d wake up new people every morning…… & fight all the time & forgive each other right away because i knew she loved me & did everything for me & she knew how hard it was to love a diva mama…. (((my heart))) romance & passion, water. i love water. i almost can’t stand the fear of the unknown when i think of promising a life with someone….. what if they hurt me ? is it all a waste ? (((little girl))) no worries, it’s all good…. defensive. divorce. help. don’t want. help. scared little girl at camp, waiting for packages from home. poor girl. poor girl. some humans get “sent away” to camp because they’re bad – some humans have to “earn” money & get “good grades” to go to camp & then they all get put in the same room. (((humans)))



  11.  #11bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 8:31 am

    oh yeah…….. ivy ladies on the wall – the caves…. the carvings…. the caves. shinto sculptures full of artifacts. stones & trees. my breath, my spine. i’m magical.

    who the eff cares about the ideas. i don’t. i’m in it for the feeling….. the “space”…. like….. trying to hold your fingers “apart” – yet “close”……….. feels like magnets, feels like the foam people use for floral arrangements. feels like…………… “ambiguous” – touching – are we touching ? are we not touching ? feel the heat between us….

    now i’m k-os. now i’m a rapper. my daddy had to tell me it was “k-os, sounds like ‘chaos’…” i’m a dork – judging myself. maybe my dad is just cool. maybe there are just different drawers in my brain, so those 2 ideas hadn’t been sorted yet to be near enough for my brain to notice the association.

    in florida, i was 17 & wearing really tight jeans. i was saying, “what is that soap called ? the blue & swirly soap ? ” my boyfriend was laying on the bed laughing so hard saying, “i don’t know…. what is called when you hit the buttons on the phone ? ” i’m like ” DIAL. geez weirdo. but what is the name of the soap you like ?? please tell me it’s driving me cr8zy” do you know what i am saying ??? lol… hm



  12.  #12bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 8:48 am

    staying up all night drawing dark, thick marks with a ballpoint pen in the rubayat of omar khayyam. saw copies of it in the store this weekend, made me nostalgic so i bought gold prismacolors from the wall of sorted boxes & touched all the pencils. touched all the pastels. compared prices on paper & metal leaf & clay tools. yum i want rooms full of materials. the earth is an art box. judging myself. judging myself as “cliche” lol…… idk why. nature & art ? lame. lol…. UM well…. “nature” isn’t a trail walk or a morning drive or summit-ing 14ers………………….. it’s just everything all the time & what i mean is if i don’t have pen & paper i have my body & my voice. if i don’t have paint & brush, i have mud & rocks. love to me. peace within me, peace without me. dirty hippie judgment. love my sassy judgmental voices. love my academic. love my scientist. careful lk i don’t want to beat you up………. careful. gentle careful. what is it ? i’m a little scared in this world. awwwwwww girl……. you’re so small & it just means that you don’t have to worry. technically, you don’t exist. technically, you’re inextricably linked to every particle universe-wide, just by virtue of having ever imagined it. wave-like, i’m not measuring you (((hugs))) this is just time. hugs just right now this one moment….. what NOW. hm ok. bad lk wants to go her own way out in the world. john the baptist deserts & locusts. driving across town to get an emissions test in the summer without air conditioning, trying to explain the word “locus” used like “center” – used to describe the heart of an issue……. so frustrated. like, are you trying to make me insane ? (now i’m thinking, or was i just making you sound so stxpid that you figured, why bother try to understand this wxtchy girl…hugs to us both…)…… will i always be scared in this world ? no, sometimes, we are all quiet & still……. hmmm……..



  13.  #13Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Ruth,

    6 – LOLOL! 😆

    I continue to feel confused on the topic of asking men questions. I can see what that article is saying, that I posted, but yet when I follow it, I can tell men think I’m very self centered, because I think it’s common courtesy to ask, “How are you?” when asked the same…and so on.

    What I found in 2009 when I answered R’s probing questions, is that he NEVER volunteered information unless I asked. So I felt very uncomfortable and vulnerable, because he was breaking me down psychologically while I was quite in the dark about him.

    The way I handled it was technically inappropriate: I ended up on the phone with his Mom quite accidentally, when I hit automatic redial one time, not realizing that R had called his Mom from my phone.

    We both felt it was “meant to be”, and we both felt curious to meet and talk further, which we did. She answered many, many of my questions about the mysterious R. I told him this year that, even tho he didn’t like it that she meddled, I wouldn’t have even continued to meet with him, because I felt downright unsafe with the NOT KNOWING about who he was. He was the most guarded, secretive, untrusting person I ever met.

    Since then he has opened up to me in an astounding way. I still feel a lot of mysteries, but I have the gist of who he is, and I really like him. Of course no one’s perfect.

    So I feel more at peace about asking no questions now. I am using this article and my re-posting article as a reminder to not ask him so many questions.

    The other night I merely asked him, “Did you go out today?” after he asked me what I ordered at McDonalds when my power was out. It was a totally benign question, especially given that I already know he goes out every day – it’s part of his routine!

    Wow, did he get defensive! First he asked, “What do you mean?” I detailed did you go out to a restaurant, bar, coffee shop, etc?

    He asked, “So what if I did??” Wow! When he realized I was just making polite conversation, he said I’m sorry, I thought you meant something else.

    So that’s why I’m re-convincing myself to not ask him questions.



  14.  #14Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I love the photo Rori used with this article. The man is totally wrapped up in his video game, and the girl looks bored and put off. Like what do I say? What do I do? How do I connect with this creature, LOL?



  15.  #15bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 8:56 am

    lol………. googled in search of the original sentence…. it was foucault’s madness & civilization & i think it was “madmen were confined in the holy locus of a miracle.” feel bad for trying to make the poor boy help me understand the sentence…………….. feel bad sassing him about what the words meant. I JUST WANTED TO UNDERSTAND (((little girl))) & i thought he could help me…… he probably knows now : ) i bet he’d tell me now : ) i love men & mysteries….. i wouldn’t ask him now anywayz. if he had a thought about it worth sharing, he’d share it….. “madmen were confined in the holy locus of a miracle.” lol help !



  16.  #16bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 9:09 am

    “Patience” by k-os

    Swing high, then swing low
    I know we all know
    Swing high, then swing low
    I know

    I was rushing to the end
    Touching everything I saw. Again.
    And hoping to pretend
    I was knocking on heaven’s door, my friends.
    But I was just a fool, caught up in the game
    Everything was cool, believing in my name, instead of his
    And when the sun came out
    I couldn’t find the shade, I am not afraid
    Of the light anymore

    Patience
    Heaven’s on your side
    Be patient
    The universe is wise
    Patience
    Everything is grand
    Use patience
    And you can understand

    Now everyone knows we hold the key
    Deep in our souls we are living a life
    On the surface y’all
    What is the purpose of
    living lies, somebody tell me
    Some hearts are made of stone
    They’ll find their way back home
    I know I walk the path of life eternally
    To be free, its all time

    Patience
    Heaven’s on your side
    Be patient
    The universe is wise
    Patience
    Everything is grand
    Use patience
    And you can understand



  17.  #17bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 9:14 am

    LOL, radlove : ) yes yes i was feeling judgmental of a video game that cd was playing, but he invited me back to sit with him after i moved away & talked to me for a while about video games & even talked to me about the harassment of female gamers story that had upset me on the radio… HMMMMMMMM (((hugs))) hope your pets are doing well today : )



  18.  #18Rori Raye on August 9, 2012 at 9:16 am

    Nellie – so sorry, there is no way to privately email me anymore – legally I can’t answer you! And if I used your letter on the blog – I’d need your permission anyway, and it wouldn’t be private. If what you’d like is a private phone coaching session with me, let my client scheduling assistant Melanie@CoachRori.com know, and she’ll send you paperwork. She can also tell you where to reach the coaches I refer to…Love, Rori



  19.  #19Francesca on August 9, 2012 at 9:18 am

    “His job is NOT to be emotionally open with you.

    His job is to think and be a man.”

    I can’t help it but everytime I read or hear that, I get triggered.

    I don’t know if anyone else feels the same way about this, but it is my deepest wish to see and hear my man open up emotionally.

    As Sheri said about her man, my man has no problem “sharing about a rut he’s in over something work-related, etc. He just can’t share his feelings about us).”

    I know this is the way it is supposed to be but I still feel frustrated about that.

    I feel it would be so much easier if men could open up too, at least a little bit more.

    Life would be so much easier.

    I think I’m asking too much, though…



  20.  #20Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Foucault! That’s who I was trying to remember! The book on jails and dreams. Thanks Bloom-ing.



  21.  #21LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Oh my! This article is so what I was thinking about all evening yesterday and this morning!

    Yikes, the Universe does provide 🙂
    I feel somewhat relieved about the Universe.

    Speaking of the Universe providing:

    I was terribly worried and bugged about a huge issue with my work.
    It felt like a huge weight on my shoulders.
    I kept communicating it.
    2 supervisors listened attentively and tried to do the best they could, but had to step aside.

    I felt sad, overwhelmed and alone.
    No one was available to help solve my huge issue, to which I did not have the proper authority to solve it on my own.
    I felt sometimes impatient, sometimes angry, but mostly sad to feel helpless, powerless, abandoned, forgotten.

    A new (3rd) supervisor came in with all the best intentions, then put my issue on the shelf for a whole month until today.
    So needless to say, that all these emotions and feelings were going on for me at work, were the same going on for me in my relationship.

    Put on the shelf to sit and wait, then be forgotten.

    This Morning 🙂 I got called in my s’s office.
    He wanted a detailed account of my whole issue inside and out.
    He agrees that this is a ‘monster’ issue and badly needs resolution.
    He shared how he plans to tackle it.
    He seems to feel very proud to take care of it.

    I told him that I feel very relieved to know that he’s on it, and now I can work feeling peace of mind and focused knowing it is moving forward 🙂

    I felt very judgemental of him and got to feeling angry for being abandoned a 3rd time.

    This morning I find out that while I was sitting on the shelf waiting, he was thinking about it a great deal and even met with my former s to get his take on it.

    Lessons:
    Nagging or leaning forward will only take their focus away from thinking on their own.
    Men need time to ‘think’ on their own.
    They come back feeling ‘proud’ and manly when they are allowed space and time to come up with solutions.

    The Universe is on my side even when it does not look like it at the moment.



  22.  #22Daria on August 9, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Esteemed – so you’re mad that someone (R)wants to keep their emotional distance until a potential partner (you) is emotionally healthy?

    Isnt that what you’re also saying about him ?

    That you want to wait until he’s ‘healthy’ ?



  23.  #23Francesca on August 9, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Speaking of dreams, I had one really weird dream last night.

    Perhaps I should say nightmare, actually.

    I was with a group of people on a bus, sort of sight-seeing places, and a nasty clown was following us around.

    Sort of like the clown in Stephen King’s movie “It”, you know?

    We all knew he wanted to kill us so we tried to run away from him but he always caught up with us.

    He even went as far as grabbing a metal bar under the bus to keep following us.

    Somehow, I could see him in the rear-view mirror (don’t know how I could’ve done that, but I did).

    That’s when I woke up and willed myself to stay awake in order not to “fall” into that dream anymore.

    I woke up feeling so tired this morning, even slept through the alarm, which is actually the radio playing.

    I like to be gently woken up by voices on the radio, no loud screeching noises for me, thank you very much.

    But I somehow woke up 15 min. late.



  24.  #24Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 9:33 am

    5 was a cut and paste repost of Zara formerly LP



  25.  #25Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 9:34 am

    That was supposed to be “6”



  26.  #26bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 9:38 am

    i find it very difficult to understand why or how i am not a famous rapper / singer. i KNOW that i’ve never tried something like that…… i did write some songs & they were performed & recorded, but i didn’t get credit for them. i have a Huge Resolve to never get credit for things like that, as i fear rejection. so it’s easier to see someone else get positive feedback than for me to get negative feedback (((lk))) it’s ok. i still prefer it like that kind of. wish it hadn’t been “Men” who “stole” my treasure, but it’s ok anywayz. oh yeah, started in 3rd grade. weird. bad feelings still. shame & anger & defensiveness…. hm. also knowing “what happens to artists” (dead in the gutter, dead by their own hands) hmm…. sylvia plath. help. scary stories. poe. sherlock holmes shows how it goes too. poor man. (((men))) hmmmm

    well i don’t want to get on stage & rap. oh, maybe i do. weird. “i’d only want to do it if i KNEW i were good” hm eek that feels like a scary belief to hold…. then i’d never even try anything once, right ? eeeeeek though imagining getting on stage & doing “my thing” feels really mortifying in my mind…..

    oh. hm. stage fright. weird. i should take some improv classes. judging myself. eek. “lame” eek. but that sounds fun.. hm. feel up-ended & dissatisfied.

    what could i do ? what do i want ? play time lk yay : )



  27.  #27Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 9:41 am

    “Did you go out today?” It was a totally benign question.

    This is the kind of thing I have heard Rori talk about as innocuous to us and that men experience as disrespectful. Regardless of how sweet our tone might be. For some reason I feel myself fitting Memulo into this persona because of all the contant wondering questions.

    This particular question feels like mothering to me.



  28.  #28Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Very astute Daria



  29.  #29Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 9:51 am

    grooming me – this feels so disrespectful and disapproving of self. As in “not good enough” so willing to twist into a pretzel at the snap of someone’s finger.

    Par for the course – feels very masculine and competitive/combative and like it has no business in relationships let alone a romantic one. Also like waiting for the shoe to drop so always in defensive mode with sword drawn.

    Am I the only one who feels totally turned off by these terms?



  30.  #30Daria on August 9, 2012 at 10:03 am

    Femininewoman – for me it feels icky and blaming of the guy cuz it reminds me of child molesters ‘grooming’

    That’s where I’m used to hear this term though



  31.  #31Daria on August 9, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Thank FeminineWoman 🙂
    And now even more astutely:

    This reminds me of feeling mad at Guywho still for not wanting me for a wife even tho we were best friends … Although I was not loving myself or knew how to keep anenergy balance at the time



  32.  #32Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Ick



  33.  #33Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 10:07 am

    The whole point of all this is to talk about what
    I call “The Myth Of Prince Charming.”

    I’ve gotten thousands of emails from women asking
    when their Prince is going to come.

    Where he is.

    Why he hasn’t found you yet.

    But Prince Charming is a myth peddled to you by
    Disney movies and Cosmo magazine is a myth.

    There is no perfect guy with perfect hair and a perfect, perfect love.

    What there are instead are men.

    Real men.

    With problems. And desires. And dark dirty secrets.

    And the only way to have the fairy tale romance
    you’ve always wanted . . .

    Is to let go of the fantasy man and learn all you
    can about how real guys work.

    Best,

    Mike Fiore



  34.  #34Dominique on August 9, 2012 at 10:11 am

    I talk about this a lot. Instead of wishing/hoping/aching for words from him, how about listening to his words that might not be vocalized. He could very well be telling you everything you want to know but in other ways, eg. the way he looks at you, holds you, touches you, what he does for you, how he looks out for you.

    The “innocuous” questions need to be mostly erased from your vocabulary, for there is usually an agenda hidden under there, and he can feel it. For example, “where did you go today,” can often really mean, who did you see/meet i.e was it a woman.

    If he has something to tell you that he thinks is interesting, he will tell you and maybe not until weeks later.

    I do ask K how his day was, but I don’t really expect a response aside from our usual exchange, our inside talk, “it was exciting,” meaning he was bored silly though it could mean he had a fun day too, and it will come out later when he feels more like chatting. Or not, and either way it doesn’t matter. I “hear” everything I need and want to hear because I keep my “ears” open all the time which could be my eyes or my hands or my heart or all of these.

    xxoo



  35.  #35Tam on August 9, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Memulo, post 724 from the previous thread. Firstly, thank you 🙂
    Secondly, I actually agree with you totally, and I have no motivation to ‘heal him’. I have motivation to heal myself. That’s a big enough job considering.
    If he shows up again, that’s an if (it’s probably a ‘when’ though), and he hasn’t shifted of his own (he showed a lot of signs of a shift last time which was surprising me), then maybe…just maaaayyyybeeeee, I might agree to meet him once.
    And to see where he’s at.
    In a public place and for a short time only.
    If I feel completely comfortable 100%, and don’t feel triggered, ‘less than’, or being judged or anything else that makes me veer off my path….then it will have been the last time.
    I no longer have a shred of hope that anything will ever change, so unless I see concrete evidence to the contrary (actions), I am staying well away.



  36.  #36bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 10:13 am

    dah, femininewoman. now i want to be single forever. hmmmmmm what a weird feeling to have. i have it & i know it don’t. i allow it gently, & it breathes out again. hm. feel scared of “real men” who are dark & secretive lol…. everyone has dark parts ? (((hugs))) help! thank you



  37.  #37Daria on August 9, 2012 at 10:19 am

    I like ‘bad’ boys… As in free men who are healing their thinking and not wanting to live in a way that doesn’t feel good… Like me!

    Yay yes I like that brave to be themselves even in from of the NVs and committed to freedom

    And me healing and he learns about healing thru my heart huh

    🙂



  38.  #38Carlie on August 9, 2012 at 10:21 am

    To Annie (from the previous thread #740)

    Fully agree with what you said. It’s funny, before 9/11 I had this casual off and on boyfriend and even though we didn’t live in NYC I feel like that brought us back together… he called that week to check that I was ok, and then we started back dating again more seriously than the previous times. In retrospect he was the wrong guy for me, but it’s interesting how the survival instinct sort of played a part there. Not that we were in danger but you know what I mean…



  39.  #39Daria on August 9, 2012 at 10:23 am

    What if all men who confirm to do things that they don’t want to do and to not move towards healing are the ‘bad’ ones

    Def ‘bad’ ones for wild woman

    Some women may choose to spend this lifetime in that model of lifestyle and these men can help them and be for them

    And for me who am about freedom and healing and life I want one who supports that



  40.  #40Carlie on August 9, 2012 at 10:30 am

    To MissStix (#722 from previous thread)

    That’s a cool story! Sounds like it happened very naturally and organically. Do you want to get married again?

    I’ve heard similar stories of women meeting their guys after having gone through a cheating partner, or just being fed up with years of dating and not meeting “the one”. These were girls who before had done things “by the book” in terms of leaning back, not chasing, not having s*x without a commitment, etc… But it’s funny, when they just relaxed and went with the flow that’s when they met their husbands. They gave up on the idea of meeting someone or ever having kids, and decided to just have fun and be in the moment – no expectations. That’s when things came together!

    I SO wish I could get to that place myself but I’m not feeling open to other guys right now and incredibly afraid of being hurt, so I can’t imagine having s*x and not caring where the relationship is going. Or giving up on wanting to be married and have kids. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself!

    As for “my” guy (I wouldn’t call him mine at this point) we met in January and dated for a couple months before the back and forth started. It was in April that he was about to buy a ring, so he said.



  41.  #41LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 10:31 am

    9:

    Radlove,

    This is all being in his head instead of where you belong: In Your Feelings.

    I feel a little triggered, as I see myself doing this.
    I got proof today that I what I thought and judged was all wrong.

    All my vibes and energy went towards my assumptions further feeding the story I made up for myself…and my assumptions were wrong.

    It’s your own story you are creating feeding expectations.
    I’m realizing that expectations are not ‘real’ and not open to ‘what is’.

    Maybe ‘What is’ cannot transform if it is not acknowledged and allowed to be?



  42.  #42Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 10:31 am

    So-with all that is off limits in a conversation with a man–what SHOULD we talk about, and does this apply if you really are JUST FRIENDS?



  43.  #43Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 10:39 am

    by Christian Carter

    Here’s a tip to capture a man’s attraction and desire to love you – and it’s something you might not have thought to try before –

    It is actually opening and sharing more of your deeper FEELINGS, instead of your busy THOUGHTS.

    THINKING Statement:

    “You’re either dumb or insane if you think you can show up here 30 minutes late and not call and I won’t be angry at you. What’s your problem?”

    FEELING Statement:

    “I feel upset and confused because I don’t understand why you didn’t call.”

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/attraction-advice-how-to-make-him-love-you-more/



  44.  #44Iamabutterfly on August 9, 2012 at 10:48 am

    I had a dream I was trying to get a job at a gas station last night. But, I had to buy something at the gas station to get the job. So I was going to pay for my item (with cash, because I know the guy doesn’t like me to use a card there) and I dropped a whole bunch of pennies and dimes. and then, as I was trying to figure out how to make correct change, it was like I couldn’t remember the values for pennies and dimes. Like, I would try to give the guy dimes, and he would say “no, that’s too much. try again.”

    and then I would try to give him pennies and he would say “no, that’s not enough.”

    and the whole time, I was just trying to make correct change, and I just felt inadquate and embarassed and childish.

    and I thought “I’m never going to get this job.”



  45.  #45CurvySiren10 on August 9, 2012 at 10:49 am

    29 FW- I feel extremely turned off by it too. I would want no parts of being “groomed” by anyone to be anything different/more/less/better/worse than who I am. I can’t imagine accepting that concept for myself nor being told I should have better manners, be more slender etc. Very triggering and what seems to be like a recipe for disaster in any relationship with the resentment I’d be harboring.



  46.  #46bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 11:07 am

    ((((((((((((iamabutterfly))))))))))))) lol : )



  47.  #47Dancing Siren on August 9, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Radlove re 9,

    I feel icky and uncomfortable reading that post because I hear you doing what I sometimes do, and it feels really icky when I do it too.

    Making stuff up (making up stories) about a man, that are not based in any evidence… and even if they were it is still a waste of time imo.

    Feels uncomfortable, because why aren’t we just listening to what they are telling us with words and actions?

    R is telling you with both that at this time he wants friends, not romance, with you. He is also telling you with words and actions that he may never want those things.

    What do you think?



  48.  #48Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 11:31 am

    We all look and long for others to love us – it’s a natural part of the human journey. And most of us have a romanticized notion of what partnership and marriage look like. If you are spending a lot of energy looking for “the one” or hoping the person you are with will become “the one,” consider that the person you truly long to commit to with a promise of unconditional love and self-care happens to be you.

    When you take care of yourself mentally by choosing positive self-talk and eliminating negative beliefs, you are able to see others through eyes of unconditional love and acceptance.

    When you take care of yourself emotionally by accepting responsibility for your upsets and compassionately tending to your feelings, you no longer project your upset onto others or expect someone else to make you feel better.

    When you take care of yourself financially by having healthy boundaries with money and let go of any misunderstandings about your worthiness, you are creating more abundance in the world and therefore will have more to give.

    When you take care of yourself spiritually by deepening your connection to God and elevating your consciousness, you are able to shine your Light even brighter in the world and make a meaningful contribution.

    When you say “I do” to yourself, you are taking a powerful vow to be the best partner you can be to yourself first, which will in turn make you a more loving lover, spouse, friend, daughter, son, mother, father, colleague, sister, brother and stranger.

    You are your best investment. Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is self-honoring. You can exhaust yourself looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than yourself and you will not find that person anywhere. Take a vow of self-love today and say “I do” to you!!

    Love,

    Christine Hassler



  49.  #49Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 11:32 am

    “To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” Oscar Wilde

    “When I loved myself enough, I began leaving whatever wasn’t healthy. This meant people, jobs, my own beliefs and habits – anything that kept me small. My judgment called it disloyal. Now I see it as self-loving.” Kim McMillen



  50.  #50Dancing Siren on August 9, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Ok, last shift at the pub done and I am feeling TIRED!

    It went ok.

    Well in fact.

    S was very sweet, I was sweet, and the pub had got me a huge bunch of flowers delivered.

    That’s about it really.

    Feeling empty space now but that’s ok.

    And a CD from way in the past contacted me, out of the blue, literally hours after I finished the pub shift. Feels kind of uncanny somehow.

    Its been about 1 year sine this particular CD poofed.

    And really I have no interest in contacting him back. He is a poofer, and I don’t feel there is anything left for him to offer me.

    I don’t think.

    Well I spose I could CD him.

    But probably not.



  51.  #51bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 11:53 am

    dancing siren, feel so inspired reading your words & i feel excited too : ) ooooh flowers 3 times in a week ? luck girl !!! yum : )



  52.  #52Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 12:00 pm

    “There’s NO BULLET TO DODGE!!!

    He’s trying to find out if you’re hung up on another guy, if you have a main man and “using” him – he’s trying to keep himself safe – he’s NOT trying to do something bad to you.

    I want you to REALLY listen for anger in yourself and confess THAT instead of ACTING from it.

    Make any sense? So – Here it is – re-scripted!

    He says: Uh, are you seeing anyone?

    You: Uhhhh…I feel…I’m not sure how to answer that…

    He: Uhhh…just…are you seeing anyone…you know…

    You: Ummm..Do you mean…am I seeing someone seriously? Or am I dating anyone at all – besides you?

    He says: Well, uh you know. I … I just want to know.

    You: Ummmm…well…I feel…I’m not seeing anyone seriously. And I feel best not being exclusive with anyone quickly, so I accept a lot of invitations when I get asked out…what do you think about all that?

    He: Well, I’m not seeing anyone seriously – and I don’t know how I feel about dating someone who’s dating other guys too. Kinda strange.

    You: Yeah. Dating feels weird sometimes. How bout you?

    He: So – you want to go out with me again?

    You: Sure. I had a good time with you the other night. It would feel good to see you again. (Or, if you don’t want to…say, you know, I feel so awkward, but I don’t feel like we’re a good match, so, no…)

    He: Well, okay.

    You: Okay”.



  53.  #53ruth on August 9, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Evening

    Well, it is here

    Oh Radlove, are you sure that you are not creating a fantasy world and whiling away the time waiting for R to step up?

    How long will you wait?

    You are worth more

    Thre IS someone out there who will not want to test you, will just want you for you

    I feel pain for you

    (and i dont even really know you)

    You are so strong in all the other life advers events and you have so much to give—-

    Domique, thanks

    yes, non verbal communication is so important too, and yes, when i ask questions i do often have an agenda
    Thats a useful trait in my work, but probably not in my relationships, and yes it does make men withdraw

    Must let go of the need for control. cos i dont HAVE control.
    The only thing I can control is me and my feelings, but Im not very good at that

    I am learning SO Much

    I had never considered these thngs form another point of view



  54.  #54Dancing Siren on August 9, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Blooming I know!

    I am drowning in flowers recently and I LOVE it!

    I feel so special and appreciative and loved.

    🙂



  55.  #55Belle on August 9, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    Oooohhh…so the guy at work and I are feeling comfortable with each other again. I have leaned way way way back.
    Today he came and found me and said, “I just want to tell you that sometimes, I really struggle with talking to you, with what to say to you, because I don’t want you to think I’m weird.”

    What the voice in my head was saying was “are you kidding me? I work in a refinery in Hicktown, USA and have crystals in my office and a rubber duck on my printer and I hula hoop in the parking lot when I need a break and taught you things you never wanted to know about the finer points of zoophilia! Weird?? I LOVE WEIRD!!”

    I grinned and my hand went to my heart and what actually came out of my mouth was, “That feels so good to hear. It feels like sunshine in my heart.”
    Which was totally cheesy but I was nervous and struggling with how to describe the big golden ball of yummy feeling I suddenly felt spreading in my chest.

    He was smiling and said, sort of boyishly, “I told you I’m sensitive.”
    We both went back to what we were working on.

    After a few seconds I realized I also felt nervous and felt the same, that I struggled with what to say to him, too, because I want to say the right thing and not screw things up with him.

    The moment had passed though and I’m just going to leave it as is.

    He is such good practice for me! Even though we have different values in other areas we value whatever the heck we have between us. We both felt a long time ago a security with each other, that whatever happened between us we would work it out. We’ve both had to adjust and adapt our behaviors and expectations along the way and now I feel more tears, like we crossed a bridge and it feels so beautiful.

    It has been SO FRIGGING CHALLENGING to not constantly turn my head whenever he passes in the hall, he’s so boisterous and makes so much noise (wears lots of jingly stuff – industrial environment), but it’s been pretty easy to stay out of his office for anything other than business stuff, and I always lean back when I talk to him.

    I’m going to get back to work and also back to some of the exercises in Ror’s “Power and Self-Esteem” posts (I have TONS of free time here) and move my focus back to me.

    What do you think about the not saying I felt nervous, too stuff?



  56.  #56bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    i feel excited & scared… poetry & books & art. “found art” – finding art all the time as a discipline. don’t wanna “convince” – don’t wanna “prove” – don’t wanna even “argue” – but i do want to “discuss”

    man in the coffee shop brought me cake yesterday & today asked me to attend a dance class & asked me to attend live music…….. he “knows” i have a “boyfriend” – triggers me into being afraid & jealous of cd’s “loyalty” – however, i’m not tempted by this man at all. i don’t “believe” he is “trying” to get anything from me. i DO believe that he sees me as a vulnerable woman & would like to help me if he can. that’s nice. however, i wouldn’t want vulnerable women to see cd as a strong man & ask for help from him or lure him into providing help……. HM. listen to sirens talk about getting CD energy from Married/Committed men & feel triggered as well…. curious human. i love my anger, hurt, sickness. i hug myself aww human…. rrrrrawwwwwr stretch my insides out & open my heart. k what’s up ? just want to be First. i can only be First with Me – & even then, only if *i* allow it…. hmmmmmmm gentle light a candle…… my baby is so sweet to me. he saw me distressed & followed me down & came across the room to talk & help me & make sure i felt good (((((((((((cd))))))))))) ok that’s all i know really. i don’t know the answers to the other questions. & that’s ok ((((((((((((((me))))))))))))))) (((((((((((mysteries))))))))))) i know it’s happening right now. this life & all the Opening & chaos. rumble rumble booooooom yum lol stormy yum up & down & the space between the breaths – the top of the inhale, the bottom of the exhale – stillness



  57.  #57Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    You wrote:

    “…I’m worried that my hair is falling out.
    Maybe I’m angry that my parents kept cutting off my hair when I was a child.
    Maybe I’m slowly poisoning myself and killing myself by stuffing down all my toxic emotions.
    Maybe I CAN achieve perfect health– and maybe I’m afraid to go for it…

    Now add:

    I’m worried that my hair is falling out, and it’s so okay that I’m so worried, I must be trying to protect myself, how sweet I am to want to protect myself, oh, I really care about me, I love that I care about me, and my hair is falling out – how interesting is that – well, if that happens, it will be okay with me, because that’s what will happen, and I yet – what I want is lots and lots of hair – I want glorious hair – I can go on and on about this for awhile – imagine all the wonderful hair I can have – and it’s okay for me to want such beautiful hair, yes I want it and I deserve it and it’s okay to want something so much, and every time a hair falls out I feel so upset, and I love my upset feelings……..

    Can you see how to do this? Just take every negative, turn it into an okay – even a good or great or powerful – thing, see with the WANT is on the other side of it – make the negative okay – you love even your fear and negative feelings – and then make the WANT okay – and then take off on that, and just love the heck out of everything.

    Take everything, accept it, and then turn it into a GOOD thing, a COOL thin

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/targeting-mr-right/power-self-esteem/coaching-yourself-to-power-and-self-esteem/



  58.  #58ruth on August 9, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Belle

    Id be delighted if i could do a spontaneous feeling message like that



  59.  #59ruth on August 9, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    57 FW

    That sounds like what i say to my patients at work-that its okay to have the negative feelings

    I feel angry

    Why cant i tell myself that



  60.  #60MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Carlie

    Yep I guess it does happen that way sometimes. I was (and still am) in such a whirlwind of finding myself at the time. The thought of committing to anyone put me off. At the same time his actions and his genuine giving nature told me he was worth the effort! And it really is effort because i’m not totally healed. I get closer every day. I have to trust him completely because if I question his integrity for even a second everything seems to go bad and fast! We’ve had some explosive fights…

    I will always say NOT to do it the way I did. But you know, if you meet a really and truely worth while man it can work. He absolutely MUST be on the same page as you, have true information about what you’ve experienced and what you’re going through. He must understand and be patient and have strong feelings for you or he’ll just see a crazy person and back off.

    I go back and forth on marriage. I don’t like talking about it…It frightens me and triggers me. I was hurt so badly so shortly after my wedding (within 2 months). I’m not there yet. Much more work to be done! My bf did ask me to move in with him…I want to say about a year ago, but I declined. I told him I was not ready to give up my own room in the home I own with my brother. I still need that private girly retreat. I’m sure i’ll be ready some day but not yet.

    I’ll bet some free time forgetting about men altogether and just being you would work wonders for you. Sounds to me like you’re already walking down the right path…



  61.  #61bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    i love my anger & squeezy feelings – i’m trying to keep myself Safe – & i love my obsessive ideas that a “rubric” is possible – i love my fantasy that happiness & safety could reside in a “checklist” or a “ritual” HOORAH for me for loving my scritchy little tiny micro managing pick apart every detail get it see what it is run an analysis – back to the lab for further testing ! lol i love my drama queen. i love my “i’m right” scientist in goggles & a white coat. i love my academic nervy girl who is so sure everyone else must be Really Smart & she is “just memorizing” hugs to that judgment hugs to my desire to forge new things & make new paths & do new things & hugs to my Belief that “everything has already been” sassy cynical meanie hugs to that judgment easy peazy easy no worries gentle human breathing – life & death – dance. male & female – dance. self & other – dance. ideal & actual – dance. “dancers are the athletes of god” spooky action at a distance. we’re all dancing always YUM : )



  62.  #62Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    Ruth,

    53 – Thank you. I want to move on. I feel stuck. One thing K says to me a lot is that I am the only woman for him, and that there will never be another woman for him. That is how I feel about R.

    Yet I don’t want to go on like this. I wish I could just fully thrust myself into my life, and just forget about men for a while. But I go crazy being forever alone. I feel so weary at a deep level. I don’t want to be alone. Yet I feel bored with other men.



  63.  #63ruth on August 9, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    Radlove
    Do you think if you persist long renough with the otjer men, and stay away form R, that eventually you might just move

    (I know how hard it is)



  64.  #64Daria on August 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    53 – K says to me a lot is that I am the only woman for him, and that there will never be another woman for him. That is how I feel about R.

    This is beautiful addictive drama.

    Those things are not true.

    There are millions of people for us.

    We can shut ourselves down to worship longing suffering and pain – i have that as a ‘romantic’ notion…. Wasting away for a ‘lost love’

    I used to break my heart with it all the time…

    Sometimes it pops up again , and when I notice it I feel Greatful for Rori for helping me get the power of creating my life the way I want



  65.  #65bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    feeling myself getting anxious about everyone else’s thoughts & worries & opinions. what do *i* need ? a manicure, a pedicure. rub my legs. rub my neck.

    EEE i sent an email offering to make dinner. i have a fun idea for black bean burgers & corn/potato soup YUM yum i want that : ) yummy yum i eat a lot today because i ate nothing yesterday. weighed myself & i’m a baby again. tiny human. wimpy ouch bones out at the hips & i knock into everything because my limbs aren’t so heavy & fly around & ouch me (((ouch))) messy klutzy girl ((((((girl)))))) poor humans. other humans all the humans help. dinner. spicy yum. big belly. heavy eyes sleepy safe yum cuddle coddle i’m ok



  66.  #66Belle on August 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Radlove

    I wonder if questioning the belief, “there will never be another man for me” would be interesting to you? It is, after all, only a thought. If it’s not working for you, you don’t have to believe it.

    Have you done Byron Katie’s “The Work” before?
    http://thework.com/thework.php

    I wonder if you are feeling lonely for yourself in your own life?

    (((Radlove)))
    How wonderful that you got help and your kitty is okay!
    How does it get any better than that!?



  67.  #67Daria on August 9, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    You aren’t the only woman for K. I bet when he comes out of prison, he will move on and find another woman quickly.

    Coming out of prison changes much of how men view the world and women.

    There’s just so million choices in the world!

    And men are not loyal to what has been given them. They’re loyal to their hearts.

    I see it as a reflection of my own imprisonment, that my worldview matches that of this man in prison who has me as his only contact.

    I can Babystep out my prison.

    I can let it be ok to do so.



  68.  #68bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    yum daria !
    “We can shut ourselves down to worship longing suffering and pain – i have that as a ‘romantic’ notion…. Wasting away for a ‘lost love’

    “I used to break my heart with it all the time…”

    yeah, i found myself recently “desiring” the situation where jane discovers rochester is already married & flees, impoverished, out into the wild…. friendless….

    chills : ) so beautiful…. but yes i do want something different for myself : ))



  69.  #69KaliMa32 on August 9, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Dilemma- and it pertains to not being inquisitive….

    My boyfriend- my spectacular, caring boyfriend of 9 months- is going away for five days to another state to attend a family wedding. He is taking an old female college friend as a date- I’m cool with that…she is engaged and energetically- though I have never met her- I can just feel that they are old, lovely friends. Another college friend- we will call her Friend 2- is also going to the wedding as my boyfriend’s brother’s date. Friend 2 does NOT feel energetically ok to me…she has sent my guy photos of her in a bikini for Valentine’s Day and texts him often…sometimes referring to him in said texts as “Babe” or “Handsome”. Plans for this wedding were made before I was ever in the picture…but I am so not feeling good about Friend 2 being present. I have plans for this weekend…a nice siren-y girls weekend at a beautiful beach….but I feel like I am going to have to sit on my hands and possibly sew my mouth closed when he gets home….
    I have told him that it makes me a bit uncomfortable that Friend 2 will be there, and he has reassured me that she is just an old friend. I trust him…I do NOT trust her. Feedback? Any?

    I am struggling big time….



  70.  #70Daria on August 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Felling sad and scared

    I love mu sad and scared

    And I want to feel powerful and happy

    And I feel smily with that

    I love feeling powerful and happy in this situation

    Wow that would feel like smile, like deep even breathing,

    Like expAnding, warm heart

    I love my expanding warm heart feelings



  71.  #71Daria on August 9, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Blooming – 🙂

    Rori got me when she talked about leaving behind the notion of pain and stilettos as romantic

    And instead creating romantic as healing and life supporting and loving and gentle

    Mmmmmmm

    Healing



  72.  #72Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Yum Daria

    Feeling powerful and happy as the leading character in my own love story. The star of my own life.



  73.  #73Calypso on August 9, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    After posting my POF rant on here the other day and making myself giggle over how good it would feel to actually post that on the site, I started missing GM all the more (Of course he is the Ex-lover I refer to in that pretend POF profile update).

    I broke down and texted him last night. I sent him a pic of me and my girlfriends with the caption, “Greetings from Ladies Night”. He knows all of my friends, so not a strange thing to do (Since we are “Friends”) – lol

    We texted back and forth a minute and then I told him I needed to see him pretty soon to get my “fix”

    He repled, “There are a lot better men out there for you to look at than me”

    Me: “Looking is not what I had in mind – lol”

    GM: “Wow!”

    Later I texted him: “It feels good to laugh with you”

    I know I need to leave the man alone, but I just really don’t want to ~ sigh.



  74.  #74bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    this morning cd told me he wanted our children to speak spanish & not learn from outside the family, learn at home… felt so triggered i almost spit out “well go find a mexican girl then i guess”….. took a breath… i thought, ok, sure. i want that too. i speak spanish pretty well already. i want the babies to speak all the languages. then he commented later on that my parents would judge us for “our home-schooled hippie kids playing in the mud” & i really felt warm in my heart : ) didn’t share it but i will when i get home. felt stuck triggering around my parents. tried to tell him, listen, but he said, excuse me, i shouldn’t pretend to know what your parents will think. i don’t know them as well as you do of course. yum. thank you.



  75.  #75bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    & the best part about that “star of my own love life” is that i’ve read enough novels to know that….. just when you think it’s bad………. really bad, no seriously, everything is about to go horribly horribly wrong (omg jane is ACTUALLY considering going with st. john)….. JANE ! a voice across the universe calls to us! mmmm shaking crying laughing trying to do normal things at the same time hoorah



  76.  #76Daria on August 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    ‘smoke and stilettos’ something like that. I really got what she was talking about…

    Social programming from Paintales this ‘lost love’ notion

    I’m healing



  77.  #77ruth on August 9, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Hm
    I feel stuck and a bit confused
    these tools are so good.the advice on here is so good
    so why are so many of us still stuck on the one man, and not exercising our choices

    (i include myself in that)

    But, hmmmmmm



  78.  #78bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    OMG i got so triggered this morning actually. even told cd “mmmK & yeah, just so you know” (i know, so sassy lol) “if your mama came to live with us, she WOULD NOT be in charge of the kitchen, ok ? she WOULD NOT be cleaning, cooking, or telling my kids what to do OK ?” & he was like, yeah, definitely, you’re right. yum sigh of relief lol…. poor sweaty heavy-breathing defensiveness lol….. love you…..



  79.  #79Belle on August 9, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Daria

    I feel like I’m standing on a pier looking out over the ocean with the wind blowing through my hair when I read your posts 🙂



  80.  #80Belle on August 9, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    I can’t post the link to the vid from work, but definitely take the time to look it up!

    It’s been a difficult road for me, getting in touch with reality and when I first started realizing how lost I was in fantasy, I must have listened to this song a couple of hundred times and played it in my head even more. It’s still a practice for me, and getting easier with each breath …love and hugs to ME for coming so far!

    “Precious Illusions”

    Alanis Morissette

    You’ll rescue me right?
    In the exact same way they never did..
    I’ll be happy right?
    When your healing powers kick in

    You’ll complete me right?
    Then my life can finally begin
    I’ll be worthy right?
    Only when you realize the gem I am?

    But this won’t work now the way it once did
    And I won’t keep it up even though I would love to
    Once I know who I’m not then I’ll know who I am
    But I know I won’t keep on playing the victim

    These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
    When I was defenseless
    And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

    This ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armor
    This pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like water

    But this won’t work as well as the way it once did
    Cuz I want to decide between survival and bliss
    And though I know who I’m not I still don’t know who I am
    But I know I won’t keep on playing the victim

    These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kid
    And parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend

    I’ve spent so long firmly looking outside me
    I’ve spent so much time living in survival mode

    This won’t work now the way it once did
    Cuz I want to deside between servival and bliss
    Now I know who I’m not
    I don’t I still don’t know who I am
    But I know I won’t keep on playing the victom

    These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
    When I was defenseless
    And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends

    These precious illusions in my head did not let me down
    When I was a kid
    And parting with them is like parting with childhood best friends



  81.  #81bloom-ing on August 9, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    calypso, i feel curious what you think about the name you chose…. in the story, i remember… calypso tries to get odysseus to stay, but… after years with her, he finally gets the gods to help him leave so that he can return to penelope… idk, what do you think? & you know why i think it didn’t work ? he was Mortal; but she was a Goddess : )) yum



  82.  #82Dominique on August 9, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Belle – #55 – I think this was brilliant!!!

    xxoo



  83.  #83Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Daria,

    67 – I really like what you wrote, how you turned it into a mirror of stepping out of our own prisons.

    I can’t speak for K, but I felt surprised when I offered a few times to place personals posts for him, and he got indignant! He truly didn’t want me to, even at times when I had ended our friendship.

    But I will focus on me and baby stepping out of my own prison.

    I wonder what my prison looks like, and what it is?

    Rather than focus on that, I wonder what I would look like, and who I would be if I were totally free of my prison?

    I would be slender, outgoing, confident, and men would flock to me because I’d be so attractive and full of life and love!

    If R texted me, I’d text him back briefly a few hours later, saying, “Sorry, I was booked all evening.” He’d have to make plans if he wanted some of my precious face time. I would have no time for texting. And I’d feel so fulfilled by my social life that I wouldn’t feel a need to contact him.

    Then I’d be in a happy, committed relationship, and if R wanted me, he’d have to run to claim me and treat me like a Siren before I got another man’s ring on my finger.

    About 20-25 men responded to my most recent post on CL, and so far I’ve only met one, the dud date. A few have given me their numbers and I’ve given a few my number. So far only one actual phone call, which lasted about 45 minutes. I really liked the man, too, but he hasn’t called back. The only thing I didn’t like is he talked a blue streak and I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I wonder why that’s the case with most people? I feel sick of being the sounding board for everyone since I’ve developed such deep listening skills.



  84.  #84Iamabutterfly on August 9, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    @46 Blooming – Thank you for that. Seriously. I feel laughter-esque. Ps – what’s a good feeling message for I feel like laughing? Besides giggly. Giggly is not the right word…



  85.  #85Iamabutterfly on August 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    @34 Dominique – This was so helpful. I wish someone would have told me this YEARS ago. xxoo



  86.  #86Calypso on August 9, 2012 at 1:55 pm

    Bloom-ing – I chose Calypso because I was furious and wanted to rip GM’s heart out, put it in a box and bury it on a desert island . . . and make him do my bidding for all eternity! Lol



  87.  #87Starla on August 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Hi ladies:)
    Just sending love.
    Don’t have much to say.



  88.  #88Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Belle,

    66 – Yes, I’ve worked some with Byron Katie’s material. I am not saying that R is conclusively the only man for me. That is just how I feel, because I just haven’t found another man who fascinates me, etc the way he does. I refer you to the post I just made addressed to Daria.

    Thanks about my kitty. She’s sleeping and purring next to me at the computer! It is such a miracle! The first vet I found that was willing to take delayed payment would have kept her until half the bill was payed. What a nightmare! instead, a place said they would do it for a fraction of the usual cost. They were only 5 miles away, and they literally had her in and out in an hour flat! I feel so grateful to have her alive and home!



  89.  #89Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    Ruth,

    63 – I hope so! I sure am trying! I really defined what I’m looking for in a man in my most recent post, and I got much higher quality responses.

    But I remain discouraged at how few men actually step up. Well, that’s partially my busy schedule. One invited me out for lunch yesterday, but yesterday was crazy.

    Speaking of which, I tried for emergency rent assistance today. They said they needed a copy of a court ordered eviction. The letter from the landlord stated they had filed in court, but when I inquired, she said they hadn’t actually done it yet.

    In the meantime, I gathered about 5 more names and numbers of organizations that may have rent assistance. I am praying I can keep my house. It is so essential for the wellbeing of me and my pets.

    I feel a lot of pressure from creditors, and it’s getting to legal measures for some of my bills. What can I do?

    Just what I’m doing: apply for jobs and assistance.



  90.  #90MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    Hi starla!

    Love back xxx <3



  91.  #91ruth on August 9, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    You are taking control radlove and doing well as far as i can see
    I pray things resolve soon for you

    Hm, in your perfect life, R would not even feature.You would not be bothered

    You would have your Mr right and a ring on your finger



  92.  #92ruth on August 9, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    And Starla is too busy having fun
    🙂

    Which is as it should be

    I feel happy to see that



  93.  #93MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    daria

    smoke and stilettos…dark and sexy. Dangerous.

    I see shiny black stilettos, feet apart rising up to fishnet stockings. Knees touching. Elbows on knees. Seated on the edge of a bed in a dark hotel room smoke escapes as red lips part…

    O O O

    And a soft knowing smile touched with cynisism.

    Shiny hot pink fingernails click, click, click before raising the hot glowing phallic to rest again between those slick lucious lips.

    Standing. Moving languidly. Hips swaying. Fuzzy tacky leopard print jacket swung over the shoulder. Open. Close the door on the nameless, faceless shadow under the musty blanket…



  94.  #94MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    daria

    you inspire me to write some weird sh@t!

    🙂

    fancy free and sexuality burn the back of my mind…



  95.  #95Green Tree on August 9, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    Hello Ladies & Rori:
    How I can understand and relate to Sheri. I feel somewhat different nowadays, given that I am now a good 10 years older than Sheri…but it is so easy to find myself in that place!

    I wonder if Rori and the ladies might have some input on this…. I have been seeing this gentleman I met online for a little while. We haven’t been able to spend a lot of time together due to family schedules. But he contacts me daily and makes plans with me whenever we both are free. I have been working on leaning back, feeling messages, second level listening and using the love script principles. However, we are not “boyfriend/girlfriend” aka “exclusive”. I am actively doing circular dating, and boy, is it hard to stay on this path! I feel very challenged re: circular dating…I find myself feeling resistant… I had a date with another guy a couple nights ago, and another date with someone else later this evening. I find myself feeling disinterested, and possibly giving off the vibe of that…. because I am feeling special with someone else…. how do you ladies do it? And Rori, what are your words of wisdom re: this? I have no ring on my finger!!

    Thanks!



  96.  #96LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Starla,

    When are you getting internet back at home? 🙁

    I miss you during the evenings 🙁

    I am happy to see you busy and about dating though 🙂
    I feel happy for you.



  97.  #97MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Journal entry #5:

    “I lay alone in your bed. Enveloped in softeness and a spring assaulting my thigh. Breathe in deep, so deep the smell of your hair on your pillow reaches inside me and tickles my soul.

    Feelings and feelings and feelings of erotic times beyond my concious ability to manifest. Desires to force the searing hot electricity bouncing off me over and over and over my head straight up into the heavens I soar! Sighs and groans and squeals of delight escape my mind through my lips touched by your kiss.

    Solid bodies wrapped up in legs and arms and sweat trickles cool down my neck resting in your armpit.

    Delightful, embrace me in your heart and mind and arms wrap around my soul. Dancing away…back and forth and side to side you gain ground and we sway under the moonlight in my eyes.”

    My mind rolls around the idea of reading to G from this entry but butterflies assault my belly!



  98.  #98LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Aha! I found it! The answer to an enigma I had:

    I felt so pretty and girly with long nails over the springtime.
    It was the 1st time in my life my nails grew so fast and so long, and they would stay that way.
    No splitting, no breaking, no chipping.

    I thought it was the yogourt.
    But then with the start of summer (coïncidently with the restart of my relationship), they started breaking and chipping again as soon as they grew the slightest.
    So back to naturally short nails 🙁
    And I was still eating the yogourt.

    Now my nails are growing crazy and they don’t break even if I try.

    I had stopped eating ‘legumes’ at the start of the summer. I’ve started eating them again 3 weeks ago, and my nails are growing crazy fast and long!

    Woohoo! 🙂
    I feel more feminine with naturally long nails.



  99.  #99Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Which legumes?



  100.  #100LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    I feel my body loosening up.

    Maybe the zumba in the rain helped get it loosened.
    That felt so awesome! Magical!
    The park maintenance guy in uniform climbed up on stage with his mop and mopped the floor around the 2 zumba instructors.
    The instructions kept happily dancing away ignoring the guy and laughing.

    They make alot of smiling eye contact with their regulars, and wink flirtingly (it’s a guy and a girl).
    I usually can’t hold eye contact.
    Last night I forced myself to, and smiled and giggled.

    I had been feeling a real tight ball of knots right at the heart chakra, in the front right through to the back about the size of a grapefruit.
    I still feel it, but feeling it loosening up.
    In the back, it now feels sore like muscles healing after overworking.
    I hope it means I’m healing.
    I want to heal.

    EFT would likely loosen it up.

    I feel frozen even to get myself to do that.



  101.  #101Annie on August 9, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    Receiving girl

    “I don’t enjoy being around them or talking to them.”

    So it doesn’t feel good and make you feel happy?

    Rori would say for you to ask yourself why are you there
    when you feel like this.



  102.  #102MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    lilibee

    I love your rain dancing zumba story!



  103.  #103LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    97:

    Hi FW 🙂

    Any and all legumes.

    In the spring, I was hooked on this big sized ready made lentil soup from the refridgerator isle at the market.
    I would have it 1x or 2x a week.
    It’s made by a vegetarian health brand here in Canuckland called “Commensal”.

    Now I’m eating organic red kidney beans and chickpeas with chopped peppers in 3 colors and celery.
    I stir in olive oil, apple cider vinegar, a bit of garlic and a mix of herbs.
    It’s a nutritious healthy cold salad for the summer an it feels refreshing going down.

    I bought a ready made legume salad at the market yesterday, and they made it with all of the kinds of beans.

    They are high in fiber and high in iron.
    Since I’ve been eating yogourt regularly, I don’t bloat anymore when I eat legumes and I feel satiated until the next meal.

    I use them to replace red meat which is bad for the glycemic level in the blood.

    I got rid of belly fat by staying away from anything that spikes the glycemic level in the blood.

    I have also replaced potatoes with sweet potatoes.
    Sweet potatoes don’t spike the glycemic level like regular potatoes do.

    I feel good about my body this summer even with doing zumba only 1x every 2 to 3 weeks.



  104.  #104MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Lilibee

    thx for the tip! eating gelatine is also great for nail strength!

    Long nails are essential for me and for my nail art hobby.



  105.  #105MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    oh oh ans “sally hansen hard as nails” clear topcoat is THE best affordable strengthener!



  106.  #106LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Legumes are a very good subsitute for red meat bc they are high in iron and keep you just as satiated as red meat bc of the high fiber.
    Red meat is high in iron but bad for the blood sugar level.

    So my nails seem to thrive on iron.
    I always thought it was the calcium from the yogourt.
    Kept the yogourt and cut out the legumes and my nails stopped growing and started splitting and chipping.



  107.  #107ruth on August 9, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    I feel a bit small

    have to have short nails for work

    Not that they grow so much anyway



  108.  #108ruth on August 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Not really quite sure why red meat would alter blood sugar level either, though I do understand why people might not wish to eat it for other reasons



  109.  #109LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    103:

    Hi MissStix 🙂

    ‘Sally Hansen’s hard as nails’ have made a good living for themselves with me lol.



  110.  #110MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    hmmm

    my nails tend to peel a lot rather than breaking so I keep them painted with at least the top coat i mentioned…when I don’t have time for designs.

    Gonna try adding some more legumes! I don’t eat a lot of red meat either.



  111.  #111ruth on August 9, 2012 at 4:20 pm

    I feel really triggered.And unheard

    But its way past bedtime in the UK, so i think I will go to bed and worry about it in the morning.
    Things will feel better in the morning

    Good night



  112.  #112LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    106:

    Hi Ruth 🙂

    When given a list by dieticians, diabetics have the red meat on the ‘definite no-no’ list.

    I don’t know why it does that either.

    For the nails: I never ever had long nails in my life until last spring (in my forties).
    But I would glue on the fake ones I bought at the drugstore. There are some that are the sporty shorter length.
    I would glue those on for a special occasion, and they looked so pretty. They made me feel feminine.



  113.  #113LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    108:

    Yes, mine were also pealing at tips.
    They haven’t since I started legumes again.

    109:

    Aww (( Ruth )),
    I feel bad that you feel triggered and unheard.
    I feel that way alot too.
    Goodnight



  114.  #114Rori Raye on August 9, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Green Tree – this is the challenge! If you’re “hung up” on one man, you can’t be available to whatever possibilities are out there for you – and the vibe you put out to the man you want is SO much weaker and less attractive. Be determined to treat them all equally, and to find interesting things, to be curious about – every man, woman and child who crosses your path. Love, Rori



  115.  #115Rori Raye on August 9, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    KaliMa32 – We’re with you on this! I don’t quite understand why the old college friend is going instead of you – but it’s okay. AND – I totally think you ROCK!!!! I wouldn’t worry a minute about friend #2 – have the best time you can, stay as cool as you can, and be as amazing as you can when he gets back. I’m hoping you have a fantastic time on the beach and go dancing with beach boys – and know that feeling angry, off, resentful, mad, frustrated, afraid – and everything else is totally what we’d ALL be feeling. Still doesn’t mean a thing. If he’s true-blue, he’s true-blue. And if he’s not (he sounds like he is) – there’s nothing you can do about it. Celebrities have to go through this kind of thing – think of Brad and Angie – you can DO it!….Love, Rori



  116.  #116Annie on August 9, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Your recipes sound yummy Lilibee.
    Am just getting into Low Gi food.



  117.  #117FlowerChild77 on August 9, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    ruth…I don’t have long nails, either. I can only let them get so long (not very, compared to other women) and they start ‘getting in my way.’ I actually feel better when they’re short and filed. I always wear nail polish, though—even if it’s just a quick clear coat. Otherwise I just wear very subtle colors…less and less intense as I get older. (I find the darker shades tend to make my hands look “older.”)



  118.  #118KaliMa32 on August 9, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Thank you so much Rori! I like to think I rock 🙂

    Yes, I am feeling all of those things…mad, angry, frustrated….but I am leaning back and just breathing alot. My game plan is to turn the phone to silent and NOT bring it to the beach with me…won’t be calling him, won’t be checking the phone to see if he calls me…

    I love this blog so much…thank you all my sane and sexy ladies!!



  119.  #119Annie on August 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    I feel exasperated. It feels so difficult to not get sarcastic when people misquote what I have said.
    Grrrrr What I want to do is shake them, call them bad names poke them in the eye blah blah blah.
    That will nor work though.
    Why does it feel still tempting to do what doesn’t and never will work.
    Why do I want to do this?

    Why is it so tempting to respond when someone is doing their best to rile you and draw you into an argument.

    How come even when I only express my feelings I still get attacked.
    I know it is pointless to engage whilst the other person is in this place. Why does it feel so difficult to not respond?

    Is it my need for closure.
    I no longer need people to agree.
    Have respected their POV and agreed to disagree.
    This is not good enough for them, they are angry at me and want me to change my view.

    It feels difficult not to say cutting things back to get them to go away.
    I know my tongue is razor and would end it if I lashed out from my old reactive habit.
    I feel judgmental to myself that I look weak when I don’t respond.

    Does ignoring really work?
    What is happening at the moment is they are just upping the anti to get a reaction.

    It does feel more peaceful to me on the inside not to respond though, now the anxiety and adrenalin have settled down. 🙂



  120.  #120luzydel on August 9, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    so today I “saw” an effect of the inner work I;ve been doing… D told me, “I am seeing changes in you… before you used to want things to happen right away with us, now you are calmed I like this new you better”

    Well I’ve been Cding other men, and myself; I know that no matter what happens I’ll be ok, and that he is not the only one in this world, there is always next time…

    So a man has noticed the changes, nice!!



  121.  #121luzydel on August 9, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    An no there is no promise of commitment, D and I are having a casual thing going on,with the ” if things develop further then good kind a attitude” I admit that he is the best lover ever, lol after the S fiasco that made me feel so lame with D I feel like a woman, we are so compatible sexually, right now that’s what I want…



  122.  #122LiliBee on August 9, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    120:

    Good to hear from you Luzydel.
    I’ve been following your evolution.
    You look great from here.



  123.  #123Memulo on August 9, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    Posted good news at the end of the prior thread. He won he hearing today and called me several times to tell me the details – the connection got interrupted. After the last time he didn’t call. It was like 5 hours ago. Do I send an FM that I feel happy?



  124.  #124Linda on August 9, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    34… Dominique Thank you for that post. Well said !

    You articulated exactly how I navigate thru conversations and interactions with people. There are so many things to take in …… ( I “hear” everything I need and want to hear because I keep my “ears” open all the time which could be my eyes or my hands or my heart or all of these. )

    I pick up lots of information this way. It has given me the ability to even discern things at their “root” , meaning that not only do I pick up on what the person is telling me, but I often gain a deeper picture of that person by understanding what nourishes that in that person. Picture a carrot. All you see when it is in the ground is the green leafy top, but underneath out of easy sight is the reason that top is visible. They can be good and bad things but they all make themselves visible if you look and use a bit of familiar intuition. I must add though that it is very important to not make assumptions / presume or make judgment until you spend more time and with a person. Their will be patterns in speech or behaviors that will bare the person out in time. Some more quickly than others. It has worked well for me. I guess it is like a VIBE… but it is more than that, a lot more descriptive and accurate.



  125.  #125Memulo on August 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    Dominique said no need but it feels kind of cold. Any suggestions? I have their photo together that he sent me months back, can send it and say I feel happy looking at them.. Idk



  126.  #126Linda on August 9, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    From last thread 787… MissStix

    Thank you for sharing what you do with “meloncholy”
    I will try it the next time. So insightful.

    For me Meloncholy has always been a downward spiral and just leads me to feeling a room full of negative voice, and shoulda coulda woulda’s. I believe I can turn that around too. I want to embrace all my feelings and give them space in me. I just have never thought flipping those from feeling loss into feeling more.

    hugs



  127.  #127Linda on August 9, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    In regards to listening to people and what they say…I also want to add that I listen to what they say to me about me. You actually get honest feedback about yourself to. Can be a bit scarey, but if you are willing to listen with an open heart it can give you pointers about what issues you have that are affecting you and where some work needs to happen or where you can feel accomplished and good about yourself too.



  128.  #128Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    Ruth,

    91 – Thanks. I want R to put a ring on my finger tho. 🙁



  129.  #129MissStix on August 9, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    memuolo

    Go ahead and tell him you are happy for him. There is nothing wrong with that!

    You can wait for him to contact you i’m sure he will!



  130.  #130Linda on August 9, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    I am re-playing that “every man has a gift for you” thought right now.

    I have a huge long list of “dont wants” cemented in my heart. Which makes it easier and easier to recognize what I “do want” and who I want to be.

    Which leads me to Mary Poppins ! The song “It takes a Spoon Full of Sugar, to to help the medicine go down…… This forum and community is my spoon full of sugar.



  131.  #131Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Daria,

    22 – “Esteemed – so you’re mad that someone (R)wants to keep their emotional distance until a potential partner (you) is emotionally healthy?

    Isnt that what you’re also saying about him ?

    That you want to wait until he’s ‘healthy’ ?”

    You make a good point, but I feel attacked. Let me reframe your post…

    “Esteemed – What I hear you saying is that you feel so mad that someone (R)wants to keep their emotional distance until a potential partner (you) is emotionally healthy.

    I wonder if that is what you’re also saying about him,
    That you want to wait until he’s ‘healthy’ ?”



  132.  #132ReceivingGirl on August 9, 2012 at 6:54 pm

    Memulo – YAY!! So happy to hear court went well 🙂



  133.  #133Femininewoman on August 9, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Thanks Lilibee



  134.  #134Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    I’m interested in the dreams I’ve seen posted here today. Francesca (23) and Iamabutterfly (44), do you mind if I butt in and offer my thoughts? I’m curious to see if I’m close at all…



  135.  #135Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    Francesca,
    I think the evil clown is something from your past. That’s why you could see him in the rearview mirror – images of where you have been, a place you have left, a person who harmed you, or a belief you used to hold. You are aware of this thing and you consciously want to get away from it, like you don’t want it affecting your life any more.

    The evil clown strikes me two ways:
    1) The clown is an archetype for “not what it seems.” A clown is a human, dressed up in a flouncy colorful outfit and covered with bizarre makeup to make it look almost “not human.” In pop culture today, there is also the irony of clowns being terrifying despite their original purpose (to entertain children). So the thing you are running away from is something “dressed up” to seem otherwise than what it is. It could be your mind dressing it up, or it could have been in disguise itself when it first presented in your life.
    2) I’m coming up with a couple common things I’ve seen or heard of clowns doing: (a) To get hurt, making others laugh at the spectacle of their suffering; (b) to do magic tricks or fool the mind into believing what is not really there; (c) to terrify people. What do you think your clown symbolizes?

    The clown wanting to kill you: You know this event or belief from your past is harmful to you, and you are aware of wanting to escape it.

    The other people on the bus could be people in your life who may be or have been affected by the same event/belief/fear. Or they could be different aspects of yourself.

    The clown chasing the bus and grabbing the bottom bar on the bus to stay with you: this is how some part of your mind is still in the “habit” of having this event/belief/fear/person/clown/??? around. And the “clown” grabs every opportunity to hang on? To not get kicked out of your life?

    The great thing is, this dream implies that your heart is aware of this struggle. And I think once you’re aware, you’ve won at least 80% of the battle.

    Thank you.



  136.  #136Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 7:42 pm

    Ooh, my dream interpretation went into moderation and I feel surprised! I wonder what word(s) I used that got it put in there?



  137.  #137Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Ohhhh, I think I know. Hee hee. Hopefully it shows up soon.



  138.  #138Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    I’ll post my interpretation of Iamabutterfly’s dream after I get home from my walk.



  139.  #139Emerson on August 9, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    My porential cd keeps sending me inspirational advice via text lol it’s actually good stuff and I find it helpful. But I get tired of telli g guys I don’t want to text. & when we did talk on the phone it was akward. We need to meet in person to get to the next level but he has not asked



  140.  #140Daria on August 9, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    wow Esteemed – i feel so moved!

    what i really really want is to be able to assist people without having them feeling attacked

    i don’t know the words for this and what you wrote feels so warm and comfortable

    i am going to save it and practice

    thank you



  141.  #141Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Well, it seems that OW is not off to LA.
    HS and I have very similar red phones, and I grabbed the wrong one.
    She called him today and they spoke for 13 minutes, then he called her back 10 minutes later.
    He is planning to go camping very soon. I don’t know if with her–he goes alone a lot.
    The thing is, since I am not supposed to know this I can’t say anything.
    And–i don’t want to shift my vibe.
    Soooo-I am going to go visit friends for a week.
    He won’t camp more than a few days. Especially if I am not there to run the business. This falls short of moving out–but is leaning back. And makes me the unavailable one.
    And gives me time to think.



  142.  #142Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    I went to the club alone and it felt awesome

    and i felt worried that i might get liked by a guy and

    when that happens sometimes i get ‘stuck’ with him

    cuz somehow its this thing i do, like i can’t leave him cuz i feel guilty

    and i didnt…

    this other dude offered me smoke and i was going and the first guy was like sure and i felt so awesome and then

    the second guy didnt show!

    and i felt so sad the first guy said theyre not letting him back in and

    i felt MAD at the first guy for ‘running off’ the second guy in my mind… i felt more ‘attracted’ to second guy

    and thenn he showed up! and hes like u were dancing with First guy and i dindt want to interrupt

    i felt truned off! cuz at first i felt awesome that he Did interrup me and first guy!

    and i felt still weird and im like i will come find u

    and then i didnt, i went for a walk with first guy

    then i kept wanting to fing Second guy all nite to smoke (i think, or maybe i just wanted to feel that free feeling of being open to all men)

    but he was no lnoger looking at me directly he was avoiding my eyes

    and then i felt “stuck’
    again all nite

    but i still had fun and i practiced some self awareness

    i feel disappointed in myself

    and i also feel good with myself

    ((((Daria))))

    i love my disappointment

    i dont want to beat myself up

    “but you let First guy stop you from SMOKING! thats what you wanted… and cuz of HIM you DIDNT!”

    i feel guilty for letting my guilt of making first guy jealous stop me from getting what i wanted

    🙁

    and i really want to heal this and feel comfortable meeting men without feeling like im locked down instantly once one likes me

    it feels so uncomfortable

    i was worried about it BEFORE i even got to the club

    and then it happend

    🙁

    love to me



  143.  #143Memulo on August 9, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Thank you girls 😉



  144.  #144Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    #140
    I wish I could just ASK about this–but I can’t.



  145.  #145Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Miss Stix – 🙂



  146.  #146Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Miss Bells – if i were wanting to use Rori’s tools and that happened to me i would def not want to be pretending

    it woudl feel really uncomfy for me tho

    i might say like hey, this feels awkward, i accidentaly grabbed ur phone and then got all curious and looked in it… and i saw some messages with ath woman and now im feeling…



  147.  #147Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    wow Belle – i feel my mouth open to read that post to me thank u

    i feel like YESSSSSSSS

    i feel like im validated for my amazingness

    mm thank you for that image i feel clumsy writing this and i feel honored



  148.  #148Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    145
    Daria– I am thinking about that.
    He is super defensive on that subject, and he is still HIDING her from me.
    I don’t want to move right now. And that is where we go when I confront–and he would consider that a confront at this point.
    I could also work out my feelings on my own, and lean waaaayyyy back.
    When he is in my presence he is attentive and flirtatious-but still insisting it is over for us romantically.
    I feel so confused…



  149.  #149Memulo on August 9, 2012 at 8:31 pm

    Guess what, I sent him my happy text, he responded he is still not happy about something and when I asked what he went silent 😉



  150.  #150Memulo on August 9, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Daria, how’s Vienna?



  151.  #151Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    I get so excited to interpret dreams. A couple of months ago someone on here encouraged my dream interpreting and I felt so excited and motivated. I felt so fascinated by the dreams posted here today and I had ideas about what each of them could mean. I guess I’m feeling a lil’ scared because dreams are very personal and I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes by interpreting their dream if they didn’t want me to. It’s okay that I haven’t seen any response to my question about whether I would be welcome to offer interpretations of other people’s dreams here… I guess I’ll optimistically assume no one will be offended. I’m also optimistically assuming that if someone posts her dream here she is open to feedback on it. If I’m wrong, please tell me… otherwise I will go on to interpreting Iamabutterfly’s dream (44). Earlier I wrote some thoughts on Francesca’s dream about the clown (23) but that comment is still in moderation. (((Iamabutterfly))) (((Francesca))) (((((((((((me)))))))))))) I love you.



  152.  #152Tereana on August 9, 2012 at 8:37 pm

    I need to read this article – I’ve only skimmed it so far. but first I want to write…

    Because now…well, I guess I do feel in a “safe space” for myself. I’ve expressed myself. I’ve said what I needed to say. Now I am waiting for him to make the next move. Or not move. I have no expectations.

    My one point of inquiry in the whole debacle is, did I really make a big deal out of nothing? Was I triggered and went immediately to “hurt” and made it all bad? Now am I making him “take care” of my feelings, and it’s not really his responsibility?

    How do I back out of this without backing down on my boundaries?

    Yesterday, I received a really nice email from him. He was all apologetic, and it really softened my heart. It made me not want to be too mean toward him. And yet I think I was.

    Well, first, I opened up and said that I had been heartbroken by some news I learned on Monday – this was true. And on Tuesday, I really just felt like I needed a hug, and that’s why I wanted to see him.

    Then I asked what he thought.

    Then I decided to clarify what “deal breaker” meant to me. To me, it meant that we did not have a “deal.”

    See, his idea – as he told me – was that he could ditch me on Tuesday and still “catch up” with me on the weekend. But I feel like – uh-uh buddy. You don’t get to ditch me one day and then still have me on the weekend. If you want to see me the next time, then you have to come through *this* time.

    I’m not sure if he got the message.

    But basically, I just told him that, as far as I am concerned, we have no plans this weekend. I don’t feel like making plans with him. If making plans with me is not all that important, and he is going to wander off to whatever other fun things comes up in the moment, then I don’t need that stress. I know what I want to do this weekend, and I want to let loose and have fun. I don’t want it to feel like an obligation, or like I am giving him my time, when he couldn’t bother to give me the time of day on Tuesday when he said several times that he would.

    BUT – on the other hand – am I being too harsh??? I mean, seriously, could I just give the guy a break?? He’s apologizing out the wazoo (he just hasn’t DONE anything to make it up to me – only said that he wants to, and that he wants to “get the chance”). Only I don’t know if it’s necessarily my job to “give” him the opportunity. Maybe it’s some other girl he is going to have to practice on. Because he might have lost me through this. And it’s definitely his loss.

    He was really into me. He liked me so much, and said how beautiful I was and how much I turned him on. He really wanted to sleep with me, and now I don’t feel that I want to – at least not right now. Now I’d have to wait until I felt more attraction.

    But I feel like I am doing my old thing of “punishing.” Why do I feel the need to “punish”? he already knows he was bad. He knows he did the wrong thing. Why am I trying to control the situation, control the outcome? I can’t control it. That much I know.

    In my heart, I feel open. I feel not need to control or direct. I feel a slight longing – I do sort of miss him. I did like him. He’s a ridiculous sweetie, and the things he said were really spot on. But they didn’t match up with what he did. That’s the one sticking point for me. And so it makes me kind of want to stick to my guns. And maybe I shouldn’t give in to guilt right now. Because I think that’s what this is. I’ve told him what’s up. He can respond how he wants to. I am being authentic to me…and I really need a night off right now!!

    xoxo
    T.



  153.  #153Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    Miss Bells – I would not confront

    I would Confess and Apologize



  154.  #154Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    Memulo – Vienna feels lovely… And very Safe

    I feel jealous

    It feels fun and peaceful at the same time

    Quiet while lively

    I feel good here!

    The museum felt awesome

    Food feels yummy

    I feel constantly triggered judging people worrying that they’re racist Abt me being Romanian – I want to heal this

    Some of the men here are so attractive! They are dressed very well



  155.  #155Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    He would still over react–jeopardizing my living situation.
    He is not really with me right now.
    I am walking a thin line.
    I am also looking on CL every day for a place to move to.



  156.  #156Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    (((Miss Bells))). – I choose to believe authenticity and non blame will heal everything, even bad housing situations
    It feels really challenging to trust sometimes



  157.  #157Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    It’s been working’ miracles for me so far in getting what I want

    Yes if he’s not available romantically, I might also not mention it



  158.  #158Daria on August 9, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    My girl pointed out years ago that when we smoke marijuana regularly both our nails were growing really fast



  159.  #159Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    157:
    Not romantic right now.
    Has been on and off for 5 years. I would like it to be on again and stay that way.
    I just need to follow the bread crumbs and see where they go…



  160.  #160Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Iamabutterfly #44…

    I feel fascinated by this dream! I find a symbolism in it that relates to Rori’s philosophy and her Tools. Tell me whether this resonates with you…

    I just realized that I am actually interpreting this dream for myself here. This is the message it has for *me* – I realize that it may not have the exact same message for *you*… but I’m curious to know what you think…

    First, a disclaimer: I realize this is only my opinion and others are free to disagree or add, but I think it is possible to give back too little in a relationship. Different women have different wants and expectations around this. Some women may want to literally do nothing, just sit there being adored. And that is fine and wonderful and they will attract men who want nothing more than to facilitate that! I personally feel best when I am giving something back to the man who is making me feel so good. Rori has taught me how to give something that actually benefits him. Masculine giving, which includes doing things for him, thinking for him, having expectations of him are harmful in excess. In my feminine energy, what I “give” into the relationship are my feelings, my trust, my joy, and my open heart. My feminine gifts are soooo much more valuable to the relationship. Nonetheless sometimes it feels good to do an action “for” the man, and it feels good as long as I feel his love and energy flowing toward me. Of course, when I “do” or “give” TOO much, I feel drained and horrible. And since I’m relatively new to Rori Raye and the whole world of feminine energy, I sometimes find myself in my head, analyzing “am I giving too much now? How about now? Now??!!?? Then sometimes my NVs kick in… Love to me. ((((((((((Lily Medusa))))))))))) I feel so good that I am growing through this. I am now receiving everything good.

    And this is the meaning of the dream for me. This dream is about reevaluating how much you want to give into a relationship. The man behind the counter is the men you are practicing on. He is also YOU – your sense of emotional balance. He may be the masculine score keeper inside you. What feels like too much vs what feels like too little?

    So the coins are how much you are “giving” into a relationship. You give too much and that feels wrong, so you feel uncomfortable. Then you try again, this time giving too little, and that feels wrong too.

    Your thought “I’m never going to get this job” may have some truth in it. And as you practice on men and make mistakes with men, maybe some of them will walk away. (Don’t worry, the right one won’t walk away.) I feel amused in a compassionate way – maybe a job at a gas station isn’t the best job you could get right now… and maybe the men who you practice and mess up with aren’t the best men you could get now. So if you don’t get the job, it’s for a good reason. Good things are coming to you!

    You mentioned feeling inadequate, embarrassed, and childish. I have good news – I think that the discomfort you feel in this dream is evidence of your growth. You are growing, learning, finding your boundaries and your balance. You are doing great!!! Love to you. In my opinion, the essential message of this dream is that you are on your way to finding your center and feeling good in a totally open, feminine way.

    Thanks for reading and I hope I haven’t been too presumptuous in interpreting your dream. I’d feel very curious and excited to hear your feedback.



  161.  #161Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 9:06 pm

    Tereana – You expressed your feelings, which is the most important part. Go you! I’m proud of you for that. I bet he will make it up to you in a lovely way. Sounds like he’s really into you.



  162.  #162Lily Medusa on August 9, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    I noticed my comment about Francesca’s clown dream is out of moderation. Thank you!



  163.  #163Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 9:14 pm

    I am going on a dinner date with TH tonight. I am going to pretend it’s our first ever date – no past, no baggage.

    I am going to listen at Level 2 and I will remain curious.

    I feel kind of excited about this – it should be fun!

    Tomorrow he will be visiting a friend down the coast and thankfully I will be occupied on a girl’s night out on the town! Woohoo!!!!!



  164.  #164Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    Oh and today I decided to wear a fabulous pair of shoes that I know he loves but I’ve never worn.

    I walked past him earlier, barely acknowledged him and received a txt later, saying “Nice shoes…”. Hehe!

    I kind of feel powerful right now because from what he’s said to me a few times lately, he is very attracted to me physically. Not enough to inspire true love, but despite my depression, he’s still there. That’s got to mean something although my expectations are zilch…

    I’m going to wear a dress tonight (despite the cold)… And he’s hoping I’ll wear these shoes. Maybe I will…! 😉



  165.  #165Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    156,
    Daria–If I were completely authentic I would say “I am still in love with you and this “friend” thing doesn’t work for me. So I am moving.



  166.  #166Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    (((Miss Bells))) – I hope you find somewhere soon. I read your posts and I get this feeling of being trapped or held hostage.

    It would be so awful to have no other options than to have to stay around a man who clearly doesn’t want a relationship with you.
    Xxxxx



  167.  #167Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    166
    Not so clear. He still treats me like a wife. And he DOES want a relationship with me. Just not the type of relationship I want, at least not at this moment.
    His signals in both directions are equally strong.
    And he has flip-flopped 3 times,
    But–it;s true I am a bit of a hostage.



  168.  #168Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    166
    On a daily basis it isn’t awful–it’s home.
    I need to do what will turn this around or set me free.
    I just don’t know what.



  169.  #169Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    166
    If it really WERE clear, I would know what to do.



  170.  #170Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 9:53 pm

    How does he treat you as a wife, Miss Bells?

    I mean this with the best of intentions because I’ve had my fair share of bad/toxic relationships.

    If you were open to an “open” relationship then maybe, but it’s definitely not something I would be open to.

    Like I did with TH early on when he also had feelings for somebody else, I told him (in a not very sireny way, I’ll admit) that it was me or her. I would not tolerate him doing ANYTHING with her. Ever. And I was more than prepared to walk away.

    He chose me.



  171.  #171Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Your guy chose the ow. Because that’s what he wanted to.

    As Rori says, men will do what they want to do.

    They will also have their cake and eat it while we allow it to happen.

    We have the choice to stay there and allow it to continue to happen, or we can turn away from it. We are powerful in that way – we have choices usually.

    Unfortunately your living situation makes things much more difficult but not impossible.

    xxx



  172.  #172Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    170 Butterfly wings
    For 5 years we have been living together as partners MOST of the time.
    I am not supposed to know about OW. He didn’t tell me about her and is hiding her.
    I run the house and we have a good home-life.
    He spent the day fussing over my new car and checking the oil etc.
    Since all this started I have STOPPED doing the wifey things. Like shopping and cooking. Which means I am not eating much because I have to cook to afford eating.
    She is kept on the back burner.
    I am very tempted to just leave, but I really can’t afford to.
    I want to do the thing that will turn it around if it is to be turned around.



  173.  #173Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Daria,

    140 – You’re welcome, and thank you! 🙂



  174.  #174Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Miss Bells, I suppose for me I always had a VERY strong boundary about other women. If he wanted her, then good luck to him – but he’d get nothing from me.

    But back then we weren’t living together, so it was much easier to enforce that boundary.

    Even now that he has retreated, I have expressed to him that if he plans to date other women then he can’t date me. I know he had no intention of doing so, but I wanted to make that clear.

    If you lived here, I’d let you come and stay with me!! It must be awful. Hugs. xxx



  175.  #175Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    I go swimming at the bay almost every day now, and it is the highlight of my day…beautiful, peaceful, refreshing, healthy, and I meet people.

    Tonight an older man was there. He greeted me as I arrived, and after my swim, he invited me to join him for a beer under a pavilion. I don’t drink beer, but I just lightly told him I’m more into girly fruity drinks, and I sat down. We chatted for about 20 minutes, and it felt like good, healthy CD practice like Rori talks about.



  176.  #176Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Woohoo! Go Radlove! That’s what I like to see! 😉



  177.  #177Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 10:19 pm

    Then R texted me briefly after 2 days of not texting me. Usually when he texts, it goes for an hour or two. Before I caught myself, I said something about him leaving the conversation so quickly. He said he was just checking in with me to see what I was up to. I felt disappointed.

    I emailed him the photo posted on Siren Island:

    “It is better to be alone,
    than to be with someone who makes you feel alone.”

    Maybe not the most Sireny thing to do, but I did it. I feel sad.



  178.  #178Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    #174
    I just wish I knew whether he is in love with me but it’s just covered by anger over past issues, or if he isn’t (and never really was). If he was ever in love with me (it felt like it, and he says he was) then it can be turned around. Knowing which it is would help me decide what to do.
    I had a strong boundary about this to–and it didn’t start out like this. If I knew it was a dead issue I would be gone in a flash.
    I have people to stay with.
    I require a comfortable home, and I have one.



  179.  #179Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 10:22 pm

    I got a whole lot done today. Oodles of jobhunting and seeking assistance. Plus I did dishes, mowed the lawn, and swam. The swimming I know I already mentioned, but I feel so grateful I have the bay. It is my favorite form of exercise by far! Because I don’t have to get hot and sweaty! I can feel cool and relaxed while getting a fantastic workout!

    I saw very close to me, a falcon swoop down and snatch a fishy out of the water! Then he circled over my head with it, and I could see it in his talons. Pretty fascinating to see that in person!



  180.  #180Miss Bells on August 9, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    While he is camping I am going to put all unsorted boxes into storage to make it easier if I need to bail.



  181.  #181Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    BW,

    176 – Thanks! Another CD contacted me by text after one so-so date and no contact for about 2 weeks. I just wasn’t feeling it, so I didn’t respond.

    I am emailing a lot of other men right now. One is clearly a scammer and the others are just moving like molasses in January.



  182.  #182Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    177 Radlove – by sending him that pic, you might as well have said “R, YOU make me feel alone”.

    He will either withdraw in response or he will defend/attack.

    Hugs to you. I know this is hard, but like I’ve also had trouble with, you need to move your focus back to YOU and off him.

    He does not have a gun to your head, making you stay. You choose to stay. But you can also choose to walk away and focus on these new CDs who seem to be appearing in your life right now. I wonder if the universe is sending you a message? xxx



  183.  #183Coco Kisses on August 9, 2012 at 10:48 pm

    Well this article is sooo timely and much needed. I felt really good, and comforted by hearing it’s his job to think and be a man…..my job is to feel and deal with my emotions. LOVE IT.

    Update one…my brow & nail salon will be opening in 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YIIIIPPEEEE!!! the website is up, so if you sirens could check it out and give your opinion it’d be appreciated
    http://www.beautifulbrowsorlando.com

    Update #2: My husband did a surprise drive by, and long story short (cause I’m super sleepy), after a bit of arguing, I decided to stop, get back in control of myself,surrender, be open about how I was hurting about the divorce and our marriage, and we actually made a connection, he told me that he still loves me, and is willing to take baby steps to work things out, and go to counseling and listen to relationship tapes etc…I’m feeling nervous, happy, and unsure all at the same time. I told him I felt happy about his decison. I’m still going to lean back…Any advice sirens? Any programs you can suggest? Let me know – Coco



  184.  #184Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    Miss Bells, he will continue to do what he is able to get away with.

    If he loves you, he will do whatever it takes to keep you, if you give him a reason to (eg by leaving).

    Right now, it seems he can continue to do what he wants, and unfortunately he is also in control of your living situation.

    But it’s great to see you preparing by packing boxes etc. this may prompt him to feel some fear that he might lose you.

    xxx



  185.  #185Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    OMG Coco yay! I’d consider either commitment blueprint or reconnect. Both are great and will definitely help.

    xxxxxxx



  186.  #186Butterfly wings on August 9, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    Will look at your site later. Can’t from work and hard on the phone.



  187.  #187Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    BW,

    182 – You’re right. Yikes. Now I wish I could withdraw it.



  188.  #188Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 11:17 pm

    Coco Kisses,

    183 – congratulations! It looks fantastic!



  189.  #189Radlove on August 9, 2012 at 11:18 pm

    (((Miss Bells)))

    This is a hug for your heart. I know you are in pain. I feel sad with you.

    ((( Your precious heart)))



  190.  #190Rebecca on August 9, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    Miss Bells

    Your directness might shock him. You could say something like

    ‘I really want us to be more than just friends, and sometimes I get the feeling that you do too. If you don’t that’s fine but I need you to know how I feel because I am feeling tortured living in this limbo.

    I would like us to start seeing each other but in order for this to happen I am going to move out so that we can start afresh.

    If you don’t want that it’s cool, but I need you to know how I feel so that I can move on with my life’

    I’m not sure whether this is any good for you?

    Please feel free to ignore if I am barking up the wrong tree.



  191.  #191Rebecca on August 9, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    Hmm… A friend of mine is treating me like I am her ‘boyfriend’. At least that is how I feel. I don’t know howto deal with it. Every time I ask her a question she is coy and elusive. When I pull away and show a lack of interest she comes on really strong. I really like this friend. I feel likeshe doesn’t know how to stop being like this…

    Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated…



  192.  #192Rebecca on August 10, 2012 at 12:23 am

    My finger nails grow very quickly, but they are the oddest, most unfeminine finger nails you ever did see… I hate my masculine finger nails… Wished I felt all girlie and pretty… Dainty… Ahhhh…. I never feel dainty..



  193.  #193Elizabeth on August 10, 2012 at 12:51 am

    Rori’s tools really work. If you use the tools the way outlined, you will see. Focus on yourself and still be warm and open. Ive seen my guy turn around quickly with this and most importantly I feel better about myself. It is true, you must love yourself first and focus on yourself. Its not really about whether you call first, or initiate something or ask questions. Its really about the intention behind your actions. If you are coming from a needy, unfulfilled place, that is what is communicated to your man and that is what he feels and reacts to.



  194.  #194Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 2:29 am

    Just to say I am feeling REALLY insecure this morning.

    I know it is best not to, and even though we are not friends on Facebook anymore I still look his wall sometimes. Except that this morning he has blocked my main profile.

    So I looked from the other one.

    He has taken down the 2 pics of us.

    He has also made friends with an ex of his from nearby who I believe has been contacting him!

    🙁

    I know I am the one walking away but I still love him.

    I feel afraid that all those ‘I love you’s’ didn’t mean anything.

    He has said many times he wants to marry me.

    And he sees me as his future wife.

    And that he has to overcome this problem (alcoholism) first.

    But this is the first time he has ever stopped pursuing me.

    It feels uncomfortable and I feel scared.

    With him he was a man who truly loved me, and wanted to sew me up in a commitment. I feel afraid of losing that.

    I know I have to find a way to keep letting it go, babystepping away.

    It feels a bit hard today.



  195.  #195Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 2:32 am

    The ONLY reason I was withdrawing was the alcohol issues.

    Urgh.

    I h8te this.



  196.  #196Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 2:36 am

    Yayy CocoKisses you have discovered what works with him. Continue doing it



  197.  #197Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 2:40 am

    DS remember men live in the moment. I also believe he is not in a place to offer any woman any kind of consistency. If it is love I don’t believe he will be able to turn it off like a light switch



  198.  #198Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 3:56 am

    Lily Medusa @ 135

    Thank you so much for your interpretion of my dream!

    I was thinking about it on and off all day yesterday and I’m still wondering what it all meant.

    I don’t have time to give you my thoughts about it now because I have to get ready to go to the driving school soon but I’ll come back later on to comment on it.



  199.  #199Annie on August 10, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Love the dream interpretation.

    I know it’s not a dream but

    I feel scared of clowns and ventriloquist dummies and some dolls. EEEEEK!

    My worst recurring dream is that I go the live in Australia and get bitten by a snake a die.

    I feel terrified of snakes.



  200.  #200Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 5:39 am

    Coco, you might just want to go into your dashboard, click on Settings, then update your blog title, so it doesn’t come up as “Your site name” as it is in Chrome for me at the moment. And the very first post “Hello world!” is just the default first post in Wordpress. You can delete that too. Other than that, it looks great! Congratulations!



  201.  #201Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 5:40 am

    DS, you are going through probably exactly what I (or anyone else) would be going through in the same situation.

    Take care of yourself and I agree with FW – he’s just not in the right space to give you or anyone else any kind of consistency right now.

    xxx



  202.  #202LiliBee on August 10, 2012 at 5:40 am

    193:

    ((( DS ))),

    I keep saying it: I hate FB.



  203.  #203Annie on August 10, 2012 at 5:41 am

    Oh Gosh, the picture in this thread makes me feel so very sad.

    It’s like I have been that girl and still am at times.
    It feels awful like I don’t exist am a ghost or an object not a person when I am in that place. 🙁



  204.  #204Iamabutterfly on August 10, 2012 at 5:42 am

    @160 Lily Medusa – You are too cute! I LOVED your interpretation of my dream. 🙂 and it actually feels spot on. I’ve always struggled with the feminine “giving” aspect of relationships. I really struggle with opening my heart “the right way.”

    Letting a guy experience little parts of me, gradually, as almost a “payback” for giving to me or working hard to get my attention. Sometimes, I feel like I share too much of my heart, and feel that it’s not appreciated.

    Other times, it’s like I don’t want to open my heart AT ALL, or show interest towards guys I AM interested in, because I feel scared of rejection or of giving away too much of myself to a man who really isn’t worthy.

    and I LOVED the part you suggested about a gas station not necessarily being “the best work.”

    that’s so ironic, because I was talking to a friend about one of my guys and trying to figure stuff out with him, and she was like

    “I think you want to like him simply because there’s no one better around right now.”

    Wow, I feel kind of amazed…thanks Lily Medusa! I feel curious and smiley. 🙂



  205.  #205MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 5:44 am

    Uggggh What a crappy morning!!!

    I shouldn’t eat any kind of food before bed ESPECIALLY candy! But I did eat candy and now i’m wide awake at 530 am with the worst reflux i’ve ever had 🙁 I took a shower and started to violently hiccup and burp up acids…

    I understand why my Dr won’t put me on acid blockers. I’m still young and he doesn’t want to mess with my system. I only get it if I eat before bed. It’s my own darn fault and now I feel pressure and pain. It won’t go away being upright, which is new.

    Ick.

    I am determined not to let this ruin my day off. I just need to b1tch a little….It feels aweful 🙁



  206.  #206Iamabutterfly on August 10, 2012 at 5:46 am

    “In my feminine energy, what I “give” into the relationship are my feelings, my trust, my joy, and my open heart. My feminine gifts are soooo much more valuable to the relationship.” I LOVE THIS. I want to write it in one of my pretty journals, in pretty ink, and remember it always. <3



  207.  #207Iamabutterfly on August 10, 2012 at 5:48 am

    @204 MissStix – Pepto Bismal worked for me when I had heartburn like that. The cherry flavor feels good going down. What do you think? ((((MissStix))))



  208.  #208Annie on August 10, 2012 at 5:50 am

    Hugs DS.

    You say this makes you feel insecure, uncomfortable and scared..

    The question is do you want to be with a man who you feel insecure uncomfortable and scared with?

    What do you think is the best way to process this?
    And what is the best way to get your focus back on you? X



  209.  #209Iamabutterfly on August 10, 2012 at 5:55 am

    @198 Annie – that made me feel giggly. 🙂



  210.  #210Iamabutterfly on August 10, 2012 at 5:58 am

    @193 (((((((((Dancing Siren))))))))))) – I feel so sad for you. 🙁 may I make a suggestion? Stay off of facebook. I have found that facebook does nothing for me but make me feel curious about nothing, paranoid about nothing, and obsessive about other things. Try to get out there and get busy doing things you love and feeling good. And my advice would be to stay away from the computer for a while. Hugs to you!



  211.  #211Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 6:00 am

    I just got home from my date with TH. It ended earlier than I expected, but then I remembered he said he was going to get up at 5am to go to gym, so fair enough I suppose!

    So… the night started off well, and we drove around for a bit before we decided on a place to eat. And then silly me mentioned that I was getting my b00bs done next year and he started to lecture me for most of our meal about how irresponsible that was.

    I got a little upset, although I was able to contain myself, and after dinner we sat in the car and talked.

    I told him all of the reasons why I wanted to do this, and how none of my reasons had anything to do with him or money or even any other men – it was purely something I wanted to do for ME.

    For the first time in almost 30 years I am in a position to correct something that has annoyed me for sooooo long! I want to feel FEMININE! I am sick of having the figure of a boy!!!

    So at this point he’s reassuring me, saying how amazing I am and that I have NOTHING to worry about, and how he’s always thought I was beautiful etc etc etc and I told him how great it was to hear and how great it would have felt to hear those words months ago.

    By this stage I was kind of crying but not over the top, just speaking from my heart and telling him that more than anything, I need something to look forward to in the short term, and that I felt so excited about this because I’d waited so long for it.

    And then something changed in him, and he’s kissing me, and he’s basically all over me. It was like I’d flicked a switch! I can’t work out what happened!? He just “softened” or something – I could see this change in his face. I can’t explain it…

    So then he asked me if we could catch up on Sunday, and he was holding me, and I thanked him for dinner saying that apart from the lecture, I had a really nice time, and he said same here and that I looked amazing, then he was gone…

    I don’t think I’ll ever understand that man! But it ended really well and I feel happy.

    But I’m still not attached to any outcome. I’m living my life as though he may not come back into it, and I’m not even bothered that I won’t see him tomorrow.

    But that’s probably because I have a HUGE night out planned! He doesn’t know I’m going out, but I’m sure his friends will tell him once they see me tagged on FB or something…



  212.  #212Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 6:03 am

    Humph.

    I don’t know.

    Just had enough, feeling grumpy and fed up.

    But I have got some ideas for focusing on me.

    I have blocked the other profile on FB now so that I can no longer look at his… cus it is obviously just going to trigger me.

    I know I have to ride on my horse.

    I can focus on that.

    Gonna have a cup of coffee now and put on my make up ready to go and work with another client.

    Then go to the bank and get somne food.



  213.  #213Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 6:04 am

    Butterfly Wings what he saw and felt was a feeling woman so he felt safe. Just yesterday I was reading an article Rori wrote about a woman crying in front of her man and that was when he changed.

    She says in Reconnect that a man wants a woman who can feel. TH saw that part of you tonite.



  214.  #214Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 6:06 am

    MissStix ar you sure it is not the sugar?



  215.  #215Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Lily Medusa it felt awesome and eye opening reading those dream interpretations. An awesome gift you might want to look into sharing with the world. With the Internet you should have all kinds of possibilities. I would seriously explore it if I were you.



  216.  #216Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 6:25 am

    You could be right FW… I’ve not been a very good siren in so long…

    He’s talking to me online now, trying to tell me how “wrong” my decision is. I’m agreeing with him, and saying that despite how right he is, I feel so excited about it. 😉



  217.  #217Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 6:34 am

    And yet – the moment we think about the result being “getting the man” – we demolish the whole process.

    It’s a serious, frustrating “glitch.”

    The process is totally counter-intuitive.

    What does “counter-intuitive” mean here?

    Well, first – it doesn’t “feel” right. At least it doesn’t feel the way you THINK it’s supposed to feel.

    For so many of us – the way that we think is right, the way that instinctively “feels” right – actually feels CRUMMY.

    It feels bad.

    Yes, it feels safe and comfortable and familiar and exciting for the moment – but often “safe, comfortable, familiar, exciting” ACTUALLY feels like PAIN.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/heal-your-heart/shifting-your-vibe-is-counter-intuitive/



  218.  #218Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 6:35 am

    BW would you feel open to using “I get why you see it that. I’d see it that way too if I were you. But I am me so I see it differently”.

    To kind of appreciate his concerns, validating his thinking and agree to disagree while honoring yourself



  219.  #219Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 6:36 am

    YES FW! That is so true, and I know I’ve been guilty of feeling like I need to “get” him or win him over.

    It should be the other way around, and we get to choose if we actually want THEM!

    🙂



  220.  #220Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 6:38 am

    And yes, I did that FW. I said to him that if it makes him feel any better, if we switched places and I was him and he was me, I’d be saying the same thing. 🙂



  221.  #221Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 6:40 am

    BW I felt my head kind of thrown back as if I am slapped reading ” I said to him that if it makes him feel any better”. It feels kind of condescending and insultive to me. Brings back memories.



  222.  #222Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 6:42 am

    He responded positively FW, so all good. He’s being quite sweet, and definitely still “softer”.

    Will just take this one day at a time.
    xxx



  223.  #223Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Understood BW. I still encourage you to look at the intention behind those words. Just to get clear about yourself.



  224.  #224MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 7:29 am

    Thanks for your caring responses

    (((Iamabutterfly)))

    Pepto definitely works best for me and I like the cherry flavour! I am out 🙁 G gave me a little $$$ to get some before he left for work.

    (((femininewoman)))

    Candy and chocolate do the worst number on me so it’s got to have something to do with the sugar. My mom is diabetic but we share the same Dr and I have had a few blood tests. My sugars were very slightly elevated (along with high BP) before I lost 50 lbs but I have leveled out since. He tells me everyones acid production reacts uniquely to different foods.

    Dr thinks it’s most likely something called LRD (laryngoesophogeal reflux disorder). It feels more like painful bubbles of pressure than actual heartburn.

    I get hiccups many times every day and i’m constantly hoarse and clearing my throat. Food sometimes gets painfully stuck in the back of my throat when I try to swallow. But as of now the actual reflux only happens when I eat before bed.

    On the bright side… It has subsided and I feel good! My body is cool with coffee so i’m enjoying a cup and taking in the pretty morning!

    Thx again for your responses!!! I feel cared for 🙂



  225.  #225MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 7:49 am

    BW

    It is so respectable to come from an emotional place of feeling but to still be firm in what you want and need for you and only you!

    Props!

    I suspect this is what clicked in him. Men are funny creatures and I believe they get caught up when a woman is soft, yet strong at the same time. You definitely PROVED you want those b00bs for you and only you. Nowhere do I see you hedging or swaying because of his opinion. There is no “Do you really think so?? Well maybe I could re-consider.”.

    Now I can picture him working his damn hardest to convince you to change your thinking. lol Don’t you let up! Say whatever you want but don’t play into his opinion…If he says you’re already beautiful say “thank you”. No ifs ands or buts! 😉



  226.  #226bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 7:59 am

    i have a tummy ache… i wrote last night for a while while cd & his buddy were hanging out. i wrote “playing” i see them as children i suppose lol boys playing in the dirt. my favorite part was when cd exploded sauce everywhere & i cleaned it up really fast & his friend left & changed clothes & it was like nothing happened. i saw all the meat on my plate & i couldn’t eat any of it. i ate just a bite of bread & then removed myself to the couch under the soft blanket & slept. i slept so heavy last night & cd holding me. i don’t like it when anyone moves the covers. i don’t like to hear people moving in bed. i find it disturbing. i lay with my arms under my chest & my poor hands all crumpled like i’m trying to get arthritis. i felt mad at the man & didn’t stop for coffee because i don’t want to be expected like a regular like don’t ask me why if i don’t come in sweet grumpy girl eating cereal yum cd cut me a big watermelon slice after i cleaned the house & was about to leave. his lips are soft. i’ll just have one cigarette today. felt weird last night thinking i had ruined the blog, writing on an old thread, thinking i was chasing away the women. picturing it like a disgusted exodus from a controversial art performance. ewwwww she ate rats onstage nxked ? gross ewwww all the women run away disgusted (((shame))) poor girl



  227.  #227MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 8:05 am

    bloom-ing

    I had the same thoughts when I was writing in the previous thread!!

    Go look if your bored lol think I said something about posting comments out of place. I thought I was a thread killah slaying the important feeling posts of tge beautiful souls on this blog!

    I feel connected to you. I like your writings! They are so unique and scattered. Just like mine, but not like mine. They are yours and they are gorgeous! Sadness, beauty, pain, darkness, love, whirlwinds, and hyper zig-zagging energy bounces around your writing! <3



  228.  #228MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 8:10 am

    Bloom-ing

    I see you as cute and brooding. Pouty but gorgeous. As if if I knew you in real life I would do anything to get you to giggle and shine that light on me.



  229.  #229Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Lili Medusa,

    So I’m back from my driving lessons and thought about what you wrote me. I re-read your interpretation and I can’t really answer your question re. what does this clown represent to me.

    I really have no idea.

    Mostly, clowns leave me cold – meaning, I don’t find them funny, I don’t find them scary, just bizarre. Like a travesty of some human being.

    The clown representing something from my past: again, I don’t know, since I pretty much moved on from everything and everyone from my past.

    The way I see it now, it’s not that I’m afraid of something that’s behind me, it’s actually stuff that will happen (or not) in the future that I am nervous about: getting my driving permit and moving in with my man.

    The other people on the bus were all strangers, so they might represent other versions of me.

    All I know is that we all felt threatened by this clingy clown.

    I don’t know if any of you have seen that movie I mentioned above (“It”, based on a Stephen King book) but even though I saw it years and years ago, I still think about it from time to time.

    It’s a disturbing movie.

    Looks like it’s kind of stuck in my subconscious.



  230.  #230bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 8:22 am

    yum, miss stix, thank you : ) i feel happy being talked to & i feel happy talking to you : )))))) YAY. i would give you some of my cereal if you were here & maybe we could go compare our manicures & have a cigarette together. idk what i used to think smoking a cigarette was about. also, i carry women around like totems in my heart – like fetish objects – touch them in my mind to access my own power through them – do you know what i am saying ? starla helps me. she sits with me rides with me. daria helps me. she speaks with me & rages with me. i feel good connecting with other women & seeing how other souls wind ….. picturing how they grow – unfurl – blow & change…. yum. i feel like maybe i “should” apologize & even writing that feels like more explaining than i want : ) feels like i’m intruding on your space & on all the women’s space, but i don’t want to imagine it like that : ) so i’m just giving myself permission to take up all the space (like a gas fills its container……) & i’m thinking this is easy & getting the good warm fuzzy in my chest : ) Sunshine ? belle said sunshine : ))))) YUM warm & light how love-ly : ) yum



  231.  #231bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 8:26 am

    awwwww yummy pouty & brooding, cute & gorgeous…… yummy i love pouting & brooding….. silly silly dark human – like holding your breath for fun maybe lol ………….



  232.  #232Daria on August 10, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Aww blooming I feel touched 🙂

    Sometimes I Pretend I’m you hehe



  233.  #233bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 8:34 am

    francesca – i love the movie “It” : ))) i love to watch scary movies……. but i suppose i also hxte to watch them : )

    i hear you saying you don’t feel like it’s “about” your past….. but that movie is like the ultimate Child Horror movie……… where like the thing you feared most most most as a child gets going again full swing…. i feel curious about how scared you little girl may be about learning to drive ? living with a man ? EEEEEEEK i just scared myself. i’m terrified to live with a man lol & i’m terrified of driving as well EEEEK hahaha…. nervous laughter…. weird now i’m all wound up as well : ) hugs to you & hugs to me, sweet girls ! yum : )



  234.  #234CurvySiren10 on August 10, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Miss Stix, it sounds like you need something like Omeprezole or Prilosec (OTC version of it) to control the acid. The hoarseness is a tell-tale sign. Pepto and that stuff is like putting a bandaid on a broken leg when you have that type of reflux. Just my opinion! 🙂 I know that miserable feeling well….it’s SO much better when it’s controlled properly.



  235.  #235Daria on August 10, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Yay Coco Kisses ! Woohoo I feel so happay



  236.  #236Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 8:41 am

    I read this, and I don’t have to send another email – I already know it’s a scam. I feel tired of these people wasting my time.

    Hello,
    How are you doing!!!! Am ken brown, 52yr of age, I’m from LA, Calif I came across your profile on craigslist, and..i must say it”s splendid meeting a pretty lady like you. if you do not mind i..would love to know more about you, and may be we can make a good relationship, and move along together….. because I’m a single, looking for a long time relationship that can lead to married,If you have become interested in me please kindly reply me, so I can tell you more about myself…I am new to the computer and I just signed up on here.
    I hope to hear back from you sooner,
    best regard
    ken.



  237.  #237MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Ooomg

    Sometimes I just love being a girl!! To sit with legs crossed caressing the stem of a goblet on one side raising a smoke to my lips on the other. Lounging languidly on a patio with shades and those who notice me think “Who is that girl?”.

    I know they think it because strangers like to talk to me. They say “You’re a curious one.” G says “who ARE you?” and “where did I find you?”. My mom talks and talks and talks and I listen and listen and listen. It feels like hot rage sometimes but it doesn’t show. If i’m so curious don’t you want me to tell you about it? She….they just keep talking. I can’t tune out. Why not? Why must I really and truely be listening to everyone all the time? Nod and say uh huh? Not possible. Maybe they would stop if I did that. They would know I wasn’t truely listening. But I inquire. I look into eyes. I smile. I laugh. I pout and say “oh no! that’s awful!!” and I mean it!! I really do. They really do get inside me and irk me and twirk me as if their problems are my own! Be quiet and let me tell you what i’m thinking! That’s why I love this blog. You talk I listen I feel you and connect with you but then I TALK TOO!!!

    Big italian family always talking all at once and shouting boisterous and negative and laughing all at once. I don’t want to shout but I listen to all all the time and I speak so seldom.



  238.  #238MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 8:56 am

    curvysiren

    Thank you!!! I’m working with my doctor. I haven’t asked about any OTC meds yet so thank you for that suggestion!

    The scrip meds according to him will eventually inhibit my natural acid production. At 29 he doesn’t wamt me to do anything drastic yet. So far I generally control damaging symptoms well enough with my eating habits.



  239.  #239Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 8:57 am

    bloom-ing,

    I don’t even remember that movie that much, only bits and pieces of it.

    The rest if pretty vague.

    The scene I remember the most is the one where the guy commits suicide in the bathroom and there’s blood all over the place…yuck.

    I am terrified of moving in with my man, especially since he can be very broody and wants to be left alone often.

    I remember when we first spoke about it, my legs were all shaky. lol!

    Usually, I get shaky legs when I’m scared, shocked or excited.

    I’ve pretty much made peace with my past, so I’m kind of confused about what could be scaring me there.

    As for driving, it’s not the driving per se that scares me, it’s the other drivers I’m afraid of.

    Lots of people with bad driving skills here.

    Out of 10 drivers, I would say about five of them signal when turning left or right.

    So I have no idea where they want to go and have to wait for them to make a move.

    I was telling my instructor earlier how it would be great if a lot of them should get refresher courses and she agreed with me.

    I mean, I’m making all the efforts to learn to drive properly while other drivers are all over the place.

    I don’t find it fair.



  240.  #240Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Radlove,

    Yeah, scammer.



  241.  #241Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 9:01 am

    Among many other things, this blog is like emotional food for my heart! And many times spiritual food for my spirit! Not only do I have friends here from around the world, who I love, but I feel so enriched coming here! Thank you all a million times over!



  242.  #242MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 9:09 am

    bloom-ing

    That image makes me smile! I want to share your cereal and our manicures. I want to sit with you and watch people and listen to their conversations and laugh and make comments.

    You pique my desire for a girlfriend to go about with. I am a goofy, flighty, giggly mystery all alone with no real life girls I connect with. Only boys.

    Those girls I know don’t really include me. They’re such a clique. My cousin called me the other day!! Yay that makes me feel content. 🙂 We clashed and didn’t talk for 2 months! such torture. Who’s gonna crack first? She’s my mentor. My big sister. My best friend. She held me as a baby. Protected me from bullies. Shared my bedroom when home was scary. Took me to my first real party. No way could I call first!! She made up an excuse to call. She missed me. I missed her.



  243.  #243MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I asked my mom the other day why I struggled so desperately growing up? Why was I cast out by child and adult alike? I was a good kid who just wanted acceptance…

    She said:

    “Sweetheart…It was like they’d show you a picture and you saw whatever it was you wanted to see, and no one wanted your opinion.”

    “I get that mom… I see the forrest for the fairies and glittery mist and the trees are ancient spirits.”

    “You were so intense with everything you did. Just this intense deep little girl. If you were collecting rocks they were the most beautiful and important thing in the universe. No one could understand you.”

    I remember collecting rocks and washing them and lining them up on the grass around moms garden.

    I stole a stone from the Acropolis on my honeymoon. Bad girl…But it is ancient and vibrant and I had to have it!



  244.  #244bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 9:25 am

    miss stix, i “fought” with my cousin too – that is, we took it differently when my grandmother passed & …. something wrong. idk. i’m not very good at remembering what happens & telling if people are offended. i just project it if i’m offended & ignore it if other people are offended. i’d apologize, but i wouldn’t remember to.

    no girl friends only boys. i feel isolated trying to get into that mood with the sunglasses – the glamor girl. i don’t know about that. i feel ugly in makeup & sad in lipstick. i feel like a forest sprite & i feel…… dirty, country bumpkin, skinned knees, hm very embarrassing…….



  245.  #245Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Right,

    I have decided.

    This wallowing will not do anyone any good.

    I am officially going to stop now.

    So, feeling a little tired but pleased with how MY day has gone so far today.

    I have trained 2 clients. One who was at the end of her course of sessions has re-booked me for 2 more sessions.

    Then I have put petrol in the car, been and payed money in at the bank, and bought some yummy, healthy food for myself for this evening.

    Did a little bit of paperwork.

    I am going to have a pampering evening this evening. Having a long bath and re-doing my nails. Hair mask for my hair, moisturiser for my body etc.

    Doing my washing too soon and sort out of some clothes.



  246.  #246Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 9:29 am

    I spent a whole summer dirty with skinned knees and muddy hands and I thought I was beautiful “outside in” because I was so happy doing what I was doing.



  247.  #247Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Right now I feel “ugly” because I’m selling plastic things overpacked in too much plastic things.

    This is so against my convictions. 🙁



  248.  #248bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 9:36 am

    i feel like i’m braiding : )

    yum

    i don’t want to know why no one liked me. i went alone & ran experiments. i ran social experiments in first grade. love to my poor isolated scientist. love to my methodology : ) love to my “control”

    my parents were too old to play with me, but my dad believes in magic & he’d get down on the floor or turn off the lights & make up new games. i drew out in the yard every day. my dad brought old things home from work for me like tracing paper or markers makes me feel choked up like bubble laugh tear.

    ick my tum hurts.

    i put the rocks in my Mouth ! to wash them… & then i SOLD them. no joke. 5 year old lk makin bank in the playground. lol. i only sold the “crystal” ones. could never spell that word. hmm.

    i snuck around the acropolis because they were on strike, so it was mostly closed, but some strangers took me to Delphi omg melting my heart geeeez how lovely…. & i found a pearl & mounted it on the locket. the locket was open, you know – & i wound embroidering thread through the filigreed gold to weave colored patterns. it looks lovely. i feel happy & sneaky to think of it because i hide secret seeds for good things to come to me yum



  249.  #249bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 9:45 am

    people like me more now, but i’m still weird. it’s cuz i’m so soft now i think i just cry & open my heart & cry. i cry anytime anyone tells me anything. i’m a cry-er

    i used to be so bossy but that gives me a tummy ache & it feels hard to do that so i don’t & i don’t ever want to do it

    my tummy hurts now & i just want to go home. i think i can go home early today & i feel happy thinking that. i hate to throw up & i feel scared to throw up here at work because i don’t want to make sounds or touch anything or look at anything in the bathroom. “maybe i should quit” am i a silly human ? maybe i should. maybe i should. i will have to eventually because i’ll be too busy doing relaxing wonderful things. thank you lk i like my imagination

    open skies yummy blues & nice open air.

    lk still my tummy hurts why are you not helping ? i would have to throw up & i don’t want to. ick. i really don’t want to.



  250.  #250MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 9:47 am

    For me girly stuff is like plaing dress up! I get to be a whole new person.

    Old ratty sweats and hair ties and t-shirts. No bra thank you. Video games and beer and smoke a bowl and laugh and talk about hot women! Kim Kardashian looks better with some plump. The boys agree! Big t1tties and a soft belly they said. I laugh. I love men too…Just one of the boys.

    Mascara and lip gloss and glittery coral blush. Sundresses and flip-flops and loli-pops. Coconut mango body butter! mmmmm Flowers on my fingernails on a cruise ship with my cuz. Men look when we pass by. Golden tans and chinese fans on deck with pina-coladas in our hands. Kneel down and pose on the beach in my swim suit. Feeling sexy! I’m such a girl!

    black and silver leopard print shoes! Eyeliner and lipstick and dior perfume. Rye and coke and cigarette smoke swirl with pumping bass. Dancing and sweat and alluring smiles…Mysterious seductress going home with none of you playas!!

    So many possibilities!



  251.  #251bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 9:47 am

    i can leave at 2:45 & now it’s 10:45 – 4 hours

    OF DOOM

    lol i love my whiny tired baby voices…



  252.  #252MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 9:51 am

    This comment went into moderation so I edited it…

    For me girly stuff is like plaing dress up! I get to be a whole new person.

    Old ratty sweats and hair ties and t-shirts. No bra thank you. Video games and beer and sm0ke a b0wl and laugh and talk about hot women! Kim Kardashian looks better with some plump. The boys agree! Big ta-tas and a soft belly they said. I laugh. I love men too…Just one of the boys.

    Mascara and lip gloss and glittery coral blush. Sundresses and flip-flops and loli-pops. Coconut mango body butter! mmmmm Flowers on my fingernails on a cruise ship with my cuz. Men look when we pass by. Golden tans and chinese fans on deck with pina-coladas in our hands. Kneel down and pose on the beach in my swim suit. Feeling se-xy! I’m such a girl!

    black and silver leopard print shoes! Eyeliner and lipstick and dior perfume. Rye and coke and cigarette sm0ke swirl with pumping bass. Dancing and sweat and alluring smiles…Mysterious seductress going home with none of you playas!!

    So many possibilities!



  253.  #253MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 9:51 am

    bah…both comments awaiting approval! Wonder what I said?



  254.  #254Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 9:54 am

    (((bloom-ing)))



  255.  #255bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 9:55 am

    francesca, thanks for saying that. i feel dxmb & plastic-y too right now. i had to take off my belt but i look very “chic” i know. idk what to do or how to do it.

    weird sometimes i imagine quitting this job & then i really want to stay “that’s not love; that’s stockholm syndrome” LOL thanks, rori…… yummy human voices in my brain ! I AM NOT ALONE – that’s for sure. i have my grandparents, even my great grandparents that i never met ! i have all the victorian & gothic writers. yum i have jesus & the buddha. daikini fairy land yes thank you yummy



  256.  #256MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Ouch

    Love to your belly bloom-ing!!



  257.  #257bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 9:58 am

    HAHA @ missstix i just went into moderation for “jxsus” lol i forgetted : ) hoorah i feel dizzy & pumped up. my friend brought me a dr. pepper & it has The Hulk on it & it’s making me feel “popular” & “modern” yummy i feel cute & explosive & magical & secretive & like doing something really dramatic….



  258.  #258Belle on August 10, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Francesca – dreams are something I play around with a lot and host a dreamshare group and we do a lot of fun things with dream characters.
    First – general rule of thumb is anyone chasing you is a disowned aspect of your personality or feeling.
    If you want to know more about the clown, you can sit down and write out a dialogue with him and ask him who he is
    or
    you can pretend you are the clown and chasing yourself from his perspective and notice what comes up (LOVE doing this in dream theater!!)
    or
    if you have an intuitive, adventurous friend, you can be the clown and have your friend ask questions or vice versa.

    I also use the Feeding Your Demons process with threatening dream characters:
    http://www.kapalatraining.com/fivesteps.htm

    They are all wonderful ways to get to know your inner self more intimately.

    I’ve found that the ones that seem “evil” will always become allies with a little inquiry, attention and inquiry.

    I’ve been thinking about Stephen King’s “It” fairly often recently, as my own inner clown is finding her expression in laughter yoga. Do you remember how it ends? All of the kids stand up to their childhood terrors and vanquish the monsters using their imagination.
    Interesting, yes?



  259.  #259Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 10:15 am

    Daria,

    64 – I just found this response to me. I am on board with Rori saying we can create the life and love we want. My issue is that with all my CDing, and yes, there is a lot I do that I don’t necessarily put on the blog, I just am not finding men who are nearly as high quality as R. I see that he is not ready for a relationship, and I WANT to move on. I am making serious effort toward CDing.

    It would feel so good if one of these men would just be the kind of man for which I am holding out for. I WANT to create my happy ever after. But I don’t want to marry just for the sake of marrying.

    I don’t want the suffering and pain. I just want a good man who will interest me and treat me with respect and love for the rest of my life. Right now I’m having a tuff time having just one date with a man who will interest me and treat me with love and respect. I feel extremely discouraged, and, at many junctures, downright disgusted.



  260.  #260Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Ok, I feel impatient with me, and frustrated, and even so I am still going to post this.

    This is what I would say, IF I was going to contact S, which I am not.

    But I just want to say it, to the universe instead:

    “This is really hard. I have never felt so far away from you since we started seeing each other. I HATE it.

    I see you blocked me on facebook and I blocked you on the other account because I kept looking at your profile and I knew it wasn’t doing me any good.

    I miss you so much it hurts and I have to keep reminding myself of all the reasons we are doing this.

    I know I am as much addicted to the emotional ups and downs, as much as you are to the alcohol. And I KNOW that I really do have to let go, and focus on MY life and making it the best it can be, and that is what I am doing. And still, it is so hard cus ALL I want is to be cuddled by you again.

    I can’t BEAR the thought of you with someone else.



  261.  #261Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 10:34 am

    MissStix,

    242 – I really relate to being sensitive and imaginative and dreamy in childhood! What you described was beautiful!



  262.  #262Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 10:38 am

    Ummm, so I know this is all this true blue stuff Rori tries to help us avoid.

    And I KNOW this is the ickiness resulting from laser focusing on 1 man.

    And I do miss him.

    But whatever I am going to carry on.

    I love ME, the most.

    I am the most important.

    I feel SO out there now that contact has truly ceased… I mean this is the first time since January that we have not been in contact.

    And I KNOW logically, that men always come back, unless they really can’t.

    It has been proved time and time again.

    And I KNOW, that how I behave in this time, and how I handle myself, and how I work on ‘my’ life makes ALL the difference.

    There hasn’t been a time when a man has really liked me that he has not come back (although of course there are no guarentees)…

    And I also know I cannot wait on that.

    And I won’t.

    And also, I still want to remember that.

    That they come back.

    Ok cool.

    What do *I* want to do now?

    Well, I want to pour myself a glass of wine, and count the money I have saved up to see whether I can afford to book a hair appointment.



  263.  #263Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Yeah Dancing Siren get yourself a new hair style



  264.  #264bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 10:44 am

    awww dancing siren (((((((((((Dancing Siren)))))))))))



  265.  #265Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 10:46 am

    (((Dancing Siren)))

    255 Me too.



  266.  #266bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 10:50 am

    omg chatroulette in the news lol :

    “This is spectacular…. Watch a hairy man in a bikini get a bunch of random people on Chatroulette to lip-sing along with him to “Call Me Maybe.” VIDEO: http://slate.me/NkCybH



  267.  #267Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 10:51 am

    This has moe meaning to me now than the first time when I read it.

    “. RADICALLY REJECT BEHAVIOR THAT DOESN’T MEET YOUR STANDARDS

    I observed something FASCINATING about people and relationships a few years back.

    When we’re in a situation that causes bad feelings and friction of some kind, there is always some kind of “payoff” for one or the other person…and that’s why they persist in sticking with the bad situation.

    Here’s what you’re getting out of the “casual” thing…

    You get a safe and risk free path to get close to this guy. Even though technically you’re not “close” at all.

    I call this “working it from the ‘friend zone'”.

    After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front, BEFORE you slept with him?

    You might be disappointed or rejected, or you would be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now.

    And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy and low-quality that you’re “tolerating” now.

    But if you look deeper, you’ll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface. Therefore, I doubt that you could have been “just friends” with him anyway, even if you never slept together, without you feeling gypped in some way.

    That’s why you have to show a man that you’re strong and you know what you want, and you won’t settle for scraps or second-best or “good enough for now.”

    My favorite way of thinking about how to do this, is to be like a “velvet hammer.”

    Be strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time.

    Say, “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way.”

    If you can say this in a way that doesn’t include BLAME or guilt or pressure from you, the response a man will give will be MAGICAL.

    He’ll open up and meet you at the level of honesty and respect you’re coming at him with.

    And as tough and as “bitchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, this is exactly what you need to say to a man if you really want something more with him.

    And doing this, and only this, can get you out of your “friends with benefits” situation and into a great relationship.

    Trying anything else is almost sure to end up in a series of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

    But you might be thinking – WHY does this kind of language work with a man?

    Because it sends a strong SUBCONSCIOUS signal to a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life and her world.

    There’s nothing that triggers more intense “long-term” attraction in a healthy and mature man, than a woman who he CAN’T control and doesn’t get thrown off-center when her needs aren’t met”.

    CCarter



  268.  #268Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 10:54 am

    This has moe meaning to me now than the first time when I read it.

    “RADICALLY REJECT BEHAVIOR THAT DOESN’T MEET YOUR STANDARDS

    I observed something FASCINATING about people and relationships a few years back.

    When we’re in a situation that causes bad feelings and friction of some kind, there is always some kind of “payoff” for one or the other person…and that’s why they persist in sticking with the bad situation.

    Here’s what you’re getting out of the “casual” thing…

    You get a safe and risk free path to get close to this guy. Even though technically you’re not “close” at all.

    I call this “working it from the ‘friend zone'”.

    After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front, BEFORE you slept with him?

    You might be disappointed or rejected, or you would be unable to continue the “friendship” that you have right now.

    And maybe having to start over alone might actually be worse in your mind than having something crappy and low-quality that you’re “tolerating” now.

    But if you look deeper, you’ll probably see that your desire for something more was there all along underneath the surface. Therefore, I doubt that you could have been “just friends” with him anyway, even if you never slept together, without you feeling gypped in some way.

    That’s why you have to show a man that you’re strong and you know what you want, and you won’t settle for scraps or second-best or “good enough for now.”

    My favorite way of thinking about how to do this, is to be like a “velvet hammer.”

    Be strong and assertive, but warm and gentle at the same time.

    Say, “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way.”

    If you can say this in a way that doesn’t include BLAME or guilt or pressure from you, the response a man will give will be MAGICAL.

    He’ll open up and meet you at the level of honesty and respect you’re coming at him with.

    And as tough and as “bi!tchy” or self-centered doing this might sound right now, this is exactly what you need to say to a man if you really want something more with him.

    And doing this, and only this, can get you out of your “friends with benefits” situation and into a great relationship.

    Trying anything else is almost sure to end up in a series of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

    But you might be thinking – WHY does this kind of language work with a man?

    Because it sends a strong SUBCONSCIOUS signal to a man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life and her world.

    There’s nothing that triggers more intense “long-term” attraction in a healthy and mature man, than a woman who he CAN’T control and doesn’t get thrown off-center when her needs aren’t met”.

    CCarter



  269.  #269Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 11:00 am

    “Your need for your guy’s APPROVAL is your worst enemy right now.

    To him, what you’re doing is actually the complete OPPOSITE OF ATTRACTIVE.

    I’ll give you an example…

    Have you ever seen what it looks like when a man is shamelessly seeking the approval of a woman?

    As he’s just getting to know her and he sees that she hasn’t completely made up her mind to want to be with him, what does he do?

    He buys her gifts.

    He calls her all the time.

    He offers to do favors and errands for her.

    All these are attempts to prove to her that he’s good enough to be with her or to get her attention. This is also known as the “really nice guy” approach.

    Women just never seem to quite “feel it” for the super nice guy. Not because of the gifts and flowers and favors, anyway.

    A guy can already be attractive AND do nice things. Agreed?… But doing nice things doesn’t MAKE a man more attractive.

    Instead of feeling attracted to a guy you weren’t too “into” at first, you start losing respect for him when he goes overboard and tries too hard with the calls, favors and gifts.

    You lose respect because you know you can CONTROL him.

    This isn’t conscious, either. It’s just how you feel, and feelings are pretty powerful forces.

    Ever stop to think that the same thing might work in reverse between a woman’s behavior and a man’s? That a man may feel like he can “control” you if you’re running around trying to please him or do favors for him or be “nice” to him in order to get him to want you?

    Interesting…

    For men, approval-seeking behavior KILLS the spark that comes from the uncertainty of not knowing exactly how the women he’s with is going to think and act.

    If he can predict what you’re going to do and feels like he “has” you in the palm of his hand, what is he going to wonder about when it comes to you?

    And what if you start acting predictably NEGATIVE?

    Think about it…

    It’s a “natural tension” and challenge of not having CONTROL and uncertainty that creates strong ATTRACTION in men.”



  270.  #270Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 11:02 am

    ‘Let me ask you a question…

    If you were an attractive man, would you want to find a woman that you had to TEACH how to make you attracted and feel good… or would you want a woman who just “got it” on her own… “naturally” and everything flowed?

    Duh. (there’s that scientific word again)

    You’d want the woman who already “got it.”

    So, more likely than a conspiracy against women, men just naturally respond to women who GET IT, and DON’T respond to women who DON’T.”



  271.  #271Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 11:23 am

    I’m going to be ok.

    I feel excited about taking my bath.



  272.  #272bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 11:33 am

    usually i have something unpleasant in my “obsession box” in my mind….. right now, i just checked & it was just saying, “oh, ummm lemme think about it… ummm, oh, you could compare yourself to famous actresses & models ?” LOL… that’s a pretty “weak” one… the rest of the box feels pretty empty right now & that is nice & shiny : ))) hoorah, i can ruminate on emptiness yummmmyyyyyy so peaceful here between my ears weeeeeoooooo yay sounds yay waves yum



  273.  #273Memulo on August 10, 2012 at 11:41 am

    I did somerhing not smart ;( He called me several times and I was between meetings and could only talk for a few minutes. He was unhappy, they keep on coming up with excuses not to give him the child. He asked me to call once I’m done with meetings. I did.. he didn’t pick up. I texted that I am done and had to sort something out in his neighborhood.



  274.  #274Memulo on August 10, 2012 at 11:45 am

    No response;) the bad part is that I didn’t even know if I wanted to see him like this and now I made myself super avasble and he us not responding;(



  275.  #275bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 11:47 am

    just read my horoscope & it has me feeling wander-minded & flex-y…….. doodle body human – what is it that you want ? easy early mornings, very early like i like it – tea, quiet, meditation, pillows, isolation – alone not lonely – mmm berlin (i’ve never been)… vienna, barcelona. anger times in spain – oh, new memory hello – we layer you & heal that travel… mmm now i don’t feel wxtchy – controlling – old. now i feel young, nxked, sun-kissed : ) aw yum that was really love for some reason that i don’t “get”…… were they both ? of course, baby……… gentle, ooooooh mmmm i love to walk the cities…….. i don’t like coffee, but i like the feeling of sitting with a warm mug. i don’t much like tea either. i don’t like having a “regular thing” i like whole milk. i like teapots. i like kettles on the stove. i don’t like to hear the whistle – i like to catch it just before it really blows…. i’m a quiet human & i like the feeling of being a bxdass. i like to annihilate things. i’m really small & that’s actually my advantage. my tiny fingers. my mama says hands like a child & i think she loves me more now than she did when i was young…. i do believe i am “old” & have been also, since the beginning. told someone, yeah, SASSY VOICE, so what – i acted 80 when i was 5, so i’m acting 5 for the rest of the time, ok ? chill ? chill. calm easy no anger you don’t have to defend…. righteous shaky loud anger like thunder in my heart – it’s big love, turned on itself – love the love, love the anger & it can be large & expansive & not tumble around my heart like zippers in the dryer. all my insides are a bit wonky right now. i scared myself the past few days. i’ve been thinking all October, cats & spiders… mmm the dark, the rich soil, the peeling bark…. i love the trees. i feel scared of large animals & i’d like a gxn : ) WEIRD & i feel excited thinking that …….. hm hm hm…….



  276.  #276bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 11:50 am

    i have so many words, that even if i get alzheimer’s or dementia, it’ll be a while before i run quiet…. thank you



  277.  #277bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 11:51 am

    my breasts feel larger, i really i wouldn’t mind the heavy fruit…. peachy girl…. pin-up – blush !



  278.  #278bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 11:58 am

    it’s friday afternoon…. girls in my imagination run out the door right at 5 – dash into the corner store for a new color of gloss – ooh pick up the magazine for saturday morning in bed with a hangover – someone famous & an idea for a dress. shower, shave, soap, double wash, double moisturize, double-check the shape of the brow – the dip of the gloss – nervous laughter in the car on the way, trying to seem all “oh no i do this every friday” – rush to open the door before it seems like “waiting” for the old chivalry. that old chivalry feels like dusty date rxpe now…. chills down the spine – should i really be out at night with a stranger ? legs so long & no stockings. reminds me of my brother. dxmn his wife & all her gentle patience. dxmn them for asking me “how are things” & “how’s the dating scene”…. & now the man is asking questions & i’m trying to listen without shaking my smile…. trying to think without my eyelashes coming uncurled….. what is the answer ? how do i get to that safe gentle place of fighting about bank loans, pushing dropped cereal around on the floor with my toe, trying to listen…



  279.  #279LobbyStar on August 10, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    I added another CD to my rotation, only to find that’s he’s terribly boring (and by that, I mean that he doesn’t do well keeping a conversation going and will try to begin a new topic by saying something like, “I just had some popcorn. Yum,” or “Do you use bleach on your colors?” I have to work too hard to maintain the conversation.) And also he’s a bad kisser. Otherwise, he’s a nice enough guy who can’t wait to see me again. I am struggling to treat him equally.

    Please opine.



  280.  #280Iamabutterfly on August 10, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    “I really like you. Probably too much to be JUST friends. This is why I’m not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way.”

    I love this. Feels freeing…



  281.  #281bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    i still haven’t made it past tea… i’d like to walk in the woods, but i feel afraid to go alone…. reading a book. is like traveling. turning the pages, like touching the mortared stones…. the smell. i love the stones & the smell of “decay” feels sad that words has “negative” connotations…… decaying blossom…. lovely yum thank you…. hurt hallow evening fall durable. yes that’s true the weather is taxing. the space by the window feels safe & good to watch. the feeling of hours of solitude – unbroken. a full day. the sun sets. still the house is still & i don’t mind if no one brights a light…. dark feels like hugs… the space by the window still – forehead against the glass like jerusha abbott – & the whole night is bright with the weather coming…. the skies look orange here before a storm & i get the feeling that zeus is just feet from my bedroom……hm….



  282.  #282bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    tell your kids, it’s not ok for them to drink so much they can’t wake up in the night to use the bathroom or to drink so much they can’t tell someone how they want to be treated.

    feeling like sobbing thinking of “funny” stories from my sorority of girls wetting the bed or forgetting where they were. so shockingly appallingly common & i’m not trying to judge that behavior at all. it’s not the girls, it’s the culture. thank you.

    the boys used to joke that our president couldn’t write an email……she’d…..drag…..the…..whole thing out through ellipses. i tried to hxte her for it for a while (who doesn’t love to hxte a powerful, beautiful woman right ?) but now i just feel soft like goo when i think of her & sad to imagine anyone like her feeling sad or hxted….

    getting the “is it ok to write this?” feeling & bypassing the idea or the analysis, just posting, & moving on



  283.  #283MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    I really wish my comments awaiting approval would pop up. I wish the comments I posted earlier didn’t disappear. I hope this comment goes up.

    Feel stiffled and frustrated. Meh…

    I have so many errands to run and don’t feel like it. I want to hole up in this house and hide today. Fake it fake it fake it!!

    Get dressed. Put on a smile. Put a bounce in my step and go grocery shopping. Boooooooo :p



  284.  #284bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    what else is good – i want to sew & arrange everything into geometric softness. thank you. yum i love love to eat & i love to cook. i love olive oil. i crave it deeply. i want goats. you’re so weird i’m getting mad i can’t do all this for you — no, actually, just listening is nice. thanks. ok, i want goats & chickens & everything & i don’t think i mind taking care of them. used to think that was someone else’s job, but pretty sure it’s mine. i don’t cook meat & i won’t cook much meat unless it’s just to do it a way i like if i ever have a way i really like & if i ever want to stop or not, i just will : ) thanks ! that feels really great ! thank you! thank you for not eating anything last night. i would’ve been sick & i feel happy that i didn’t eat the meat. hooray ! oh i’m really psychic LOL yes, ok, so what ? idk. just thinking of gambling. oh yeah LOL lol yeah, i wanna play high-stakes blackjack & win…. haha…. hm i am pretty good at that game, at math, & i’m psychic. those aren’t the reasons i want to play though. i just want to. i want to sit with my drink & my dress & my long hair & laugh while i win money…. haha that’s fun….



  285.  #285Iamabutterfly on August 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    @bloom-ing – I love reading you! You read like a really good, surprising novel. 🙂



  286.  #286Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Its Friday evening here.

    I have just done the washing up!

    Yay Me.

    Off for that bath in a min…



  287.  #287Femininewoman on August 10, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Miss Stix I had that happen today too. So I just changed the word that caused it to bi!tch and reposted and it showed up.



  288.  #288bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    my tummy still hurts if you can believe it but i haven’t thrown up & i feel happy that way. maybe i’ll throw up when i get home. poor sick human. wonder what’s “the matter” hm

    i feel excited now : )) i walked through the building & i didn’t have a cigarette at all anyway & didn’t think of it beyond a few times, but i don’t care about, want it, or even “Poetry” it lol… but i did brush my teeth because i like that & i had a soda. i had a yummy lard-y burrito that a lady brought & she laughed because i sprinted up to her…. it cost more than i thought & that made me feel sad. i have some things to do & i’ll do them, then i’ll relax & feel happy : ) i like to do things like that & feel happy. i feel mad when i think of money & how it costs money to have a family these days….. i feel excited & happy & free & like talking big… bobble head, twist to the side, a curious bird



  289.  #289Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Feeling like cra7p!

    🙁

    Blech.



  290.  #290MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    FW

    i tried editing and they both wait in limbo lol a few other posts just simply vanished into oblivion..

    ‘sall good 🙂



  291.  #291Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    TH asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him this morning. I’ve said yes, and mostly because my counselor said I should be exercising regularly to help me heal.

    And our last gym session together was really good.

    He’s going down the coast late this afternoon, and I have my girl’s night out tonight, which I KNOW is going to be VERY interesting, as they always are! One of the girls I’m going with is very “out there” and while not overly attractive, she draws the men in like FLIES!

    Should be fun! 😉



  292.  #292FlowerChild77 on August 10, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    (((Dancing Siren))) <3



  293.  #293MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Ahhhh Relief to be finished my errands! 🙂 It’s really a gorgeous day and the sun chased away any sticky icky lazyness!

    I see radlove was a fanciful child like I was. Big squshy hugs to her! <3 I believe children like we were crave that acceptance of who they are. I know I did, and I never really understood why it never came…I definitely blamed myself. It can be a lifelong struggle.

    I am happy to be the person I am today. My struggles are finally triumphs and anyone who doesn't like me can go win a million dollars! 🙂 I would kiss them on the cheek and say "Good for you!", and mean it.

    I am worthy of love and so are all the beautiful sirens!

    I wish every person on the planet could have one day where everything just goes right and feels right and all their worries just disappear.

    Siiiiiigh…Not the way life is.



  294.  #294Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    Ok, in the present.

    I can feel tension in my shoulders.

    It feels like sadness.

    I feel overwhelming lonliness, in my shoulders, and that feels like

    wet tongue, sloppy, and that feels like slightly tinlgy arms at the top, and anxious in my tummy.

    Thoughts, thoughts trying to push in.

    Crowding.

    Head feels like a loop and my mind wants to rationalise.

    Feel lonely.

    I feel very, very lonely.

    It feels like big, empty space.

    Like a HUGE billowing space in tummy,

    and that feels like tension in right shoulder.

    And wine tongue.

    And sleepy.

    Wondering about bed soon?



  295.  #295Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    BLAH, BLAH,. FECKING BLAG.

    RAH RAH RAH.

    K, K, K I surrender.

    Whatever you think is right.

    I’ll do it.

    I give up.

    I have no control anyway.

    I wish I hadn’t blokced him off my FB, but nothing makes any difference really.

    Cathc thought.

    Feeling?

    Numb-ish, prbably the wine.

    still tensions in shoulders.

    ok then.

    Thats fine.



  296.  #296Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    I dunno.

    I know nothing.

    Doesn’t matter.

    Feel alone.

    Icky.

    Sad.

    But feels so mych healing too.

    I know I am sooooo much better.

    Than I used to be.



  297.  #297Lily Medusa on August 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    Coco 183 – I love your website. The “contact” link seems to be broken though…?



  298.  #298Lily Medusa on August 10, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Annie – hee hee – snakes could be phallic symbols! Is that what you’re afraid of? Wink, wink… just kidding 😉



  299.  #299Lily Medusa on August 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Femininewoman, I felt wonderful reading your words of encouragement. I wonder if there is any way I could actually make a business of dreamwork.

    I just borrowed a new book on dreams from the library. I feel so excited.



  300.  #300Lily Medusa on August 10, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    Francesca, I feel a little bummed that my ideas about your dream didn’t resonate! (I’m even feeling a little like I want to apologize!) hehe but that is my stuff and it’s okay. I do not claim to always be right. Yes I have seen the movie “It.” (I love Steven King.) That movie didn’t scare me all that much though, but I only saw it last year. I imagine it would have had a much scarier effect on me if I had seen it as a child. I was kinda disappointed by the giant spider thingy in the end – didn’t quite get that.

    (((Francesca))) If I knew you personally I would probably have clearer ideas about what it could mean to you. Darn!



  301.  #301R.N.AmazingMe on August 10, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    You know what I was triggered just reading things. I mean NEVER would I lose weight for anyone but myself. Which I am doing now lost 21 pounds in 30 days go me!!lol… but really i am an overfunctioner well not so much as before work in progress. my sister’s ex notice i say “EX” told her she could get a ring and proposal if she lost like 30 pounds or something crazyyy like that. Who in the heck does a man think he is, we all have our flaws and I understand health reasons but that is insane. Tell these men to shove it where it hurts. No one is worth that but yourself. You are worth getting healthy and more confident and being what you want to be. A man must except you for that if not he is no man you want in your life.PERIOD< NO FRIEND )..nothing.



  302.  #302R.N.AmazingMe on August 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I love this blog ladies I have learned a lot. I mean it takes a lot of work on our own to get to this point but how amazing it feels. To “GROW” and “GROW UP” make decisions on what is best for you and your kids..well talking about me. I have came soooo far and have the rest of my life to learn but now day by day I take one step at a time and am really just listening to my heart. Staying away from what brings me down or makes me feel bad. I say I want to date but really the hassle of dating is not what I want to deal with right now. I am in love….with my children and me..the real me the only one that knows my reality. Thank you sirens and AMAZINGME you are all my heroes!!!



  303.  #303bloom-ing on August 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    (((((((Dancing Siren)))))))



  304.  #304Francesca on August 10, 2012 at 4:49 pm

    Aww, Lily Medusa,

    Please don’t feel bad!

    Like I said, I can’t see anything in my past that would bug me so much that I would have such a disturbing dream about it.

    Like I said, I’m nervous about things coming up but not enough to freeze me.

    I’m doing all that I can to get these things done and over with and once they’re done, I’ll be glad I had to go through the learning process.

    I really do appreciate your interpretation and I feel fascinated that you can do that.

    I know I can’t and I wish I could.

    You wrote some very interesting stuff and maybe someday, something will just click and I’ll say: “ah, Lily was right! There it is! I can see what she was talking about now!”

    But then again, don’t you think that dreams can be totally random too sometimes?

    I’d like to hear your thoughts about this.



  305.  #305Dancing Siren on August 10, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    Going to bed!



  306.  #306Daria on August 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Radlove – hey in case you haven’t noticed.. im not married either!

    but dating feels fantastic for me becuause i notice how I’m changing MY behavior around men

    and that feels lovely and worth it

    i love me



  307.  #307Daria on August 10, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    Radlove – for me it’s really a babystep process… I noticed in some of your exchanges areas of shutdown/defensiveness/blame… and also on the other side of the coin… not honoring boundaries

    as well as some lean forward stuff

    if you’d like, im open to practice scripting with you so that you can get to the next level threshold with men who are a little more pleasant to be around



  308.  #308MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    BW

    Oooo have fun! I love ladies nights. 😀



  309.  #309MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Happy weekend sirens!

    Wherever you are I hope you are free and feeling and living your life for you!

    Friday night with G tonite. He was in such a grumpy funk after working an hour overtime without be asked in advance. Asked if there was anything I could do? “No. B33r shower talk later…”

    “ok cool.”

    Didn’t talk, or probe. let him be at his comp for a while and saw he had no beer yet. Gave him a beer. No words.

    “thanks”

    “your welcome” all smiles.

    5 minutes later i’m in the bedroom…and hear “where’s my amazing girlfriend?”

    He comes in and grabs me and kisses me! And says…

    “You’re the best”

    Good start 🙂



  310.  #310Memulo on August 10, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Daria,

    I just saw your response to me about Vienna 😉 Yes, I only spent limited time there, but it felt great to me too! I heard that Salzburg feels like a fairy tale, let us know what you think if you decide to visit.



  311.  #311Memulo on August 10, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Coco, you website looks amazing!! Best of luck with your business and you don’t really need it 😉



  312.  #312Memulo on August 10, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    It feels so good to know that Starla is out there living her dream 😉



  313.  #313Memulo on August 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Still have not heard from my guy. I don’t know ‘what works’ for him using FW’s expression lol. I lean back as much as I can and yes I made a mistake today, but no matter if I do or don’t I am not getting closer to the situation of him planning dates in advance or actually giving me any indication about when we will see each other next time. Probably it’s due to his stress and all, I just wish it was easier for me.



  314.  #314Daria on August 10, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    After all, how vulnerable would you be if you shared what you REALLY were looking for up front, BEFORE you slept with him?

    im really looking to look cool to people i know and those i dont on the street, i want you to be one of my boyfriends and look fly with me so that i can feel special that im getting treated well by this fly guy and i want to go out with you in public and stunt and feel good aobut myself and how cool i am

    i feel guilty!



  315.  #315Memulo on August 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    something bad happened again today, the ex is trying to do anything she possibly can to prevent him from seeing the child. He was supposed to have him today, but as of this afternoon she found an excuse not to let it happen. Maybe that’s why I don’t hear from him.

    I can’t even say she ‘found an excuse’. She just says whatever comes on her mind and then court needs to get together and decide whether it’s a valid concern or not. Last time the court said her concerns don’t have any ground, so she came up with the new one;)



  316.  #316Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    Daria,

    300-301 – Yes, I see the truth in your observations about my relational level.

    I feel DEEPLY grateful for your offer to help me with scripting! Yes, I would LOVE to. You are so, so good at that! Thanks again!



  317.  #317Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    MissStix,

    287 – Big, squishy hugs right back atcha! LOL! Thanks!

    You mean life isn’t all calm, peace, joy, and fun??

    Please don’t burst my bubble! 😆

    I love to get lost in imagination….sigh! 🙂

    Are we deceived by fairy tales?
    Or have we abandoned fairy tales?

    Here is a little piece of unfinished poetry I wrote:

    When it’s quiet enough to hear a clock tick
    And my thoughts take me to you
    I lie alone and caress myself
    Imagining your hands on my breasts

    When it is quiet enough to hear my heart beat
    I know that it is beating for you

    When it is quiet enough to hear my own breathing,
    Every breath sighs, “I love you!”



  318.  #318Daria on August 10, 2012 at 6:24 pm

    Radlove – 🙂
    ok ill be a guy, give me a scenario that gives u trouble that seems to come up repeatedly



  319.  #319Rori Raye on August 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Elizabeth, you’re so right. If you’re a Rock Star Free Spirit – you can do anything! The thing is – if your confidence and self-love needs lifting, putting some rules in place for yourself is a great way to create some different experiences that will help you…Love, Rori



  320.  #320MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    radlove

    That’s very beautiful! So heartfelt. It feels good to me to write those kind of things down…Like I don’t have a need to say it anymore. As long as it’s put out there in words.



  321.  #321Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 7:02 pm

    Hehee! A long time FB friend just asked to date me!!!! I’ve been waiting for about a year!



  322.  #322Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    List of Questions from one of my CDs:

    – What do u like in a Man?

    – Are u single or divorced?

    – Do you have kids?

    – What you do for a living?

    – What is your favorite food?

    – What types of music do you like?

    – Tell me more about yourself ?

    – Whats your bad experience in a relationship?

    – How long have you been searching.

    – How long have you being on that site we met? Any response there yet?

    I thought this list might be of use for anyone who wanted to prethink answers to typical dating questions. My, how I dislike playing 20 questions! How weary I feel of dating. I don’t want to date anymore.

    I want my knight to come rescue me from dating! LOL!



  323.  #323Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Hey! Where you be??



  324.  #324MissStix on August 10, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Wow lol that’s a lot of questions all at once! It feels so forced…Maybe he’s not a conversationalist? :p No wonder you’re weary!!

    What dating sites are you using and what is your profile like? A really good profile can make it easier to progress into conversations and meeting!



  325.  #325P-lala on August 10, 2012 at 8:20 pm

    Radlove,

    Whenever I got questions like that, I felt so turned off. Ugh…so turned off.



  326.  #326Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    MissStix,

    Here is my latest post on craigslist:

    BBW Seeking SINGLE, Christian Man for Serious Relationship – 48

    Hi.

    I feel weary of being alone. I am not looking for a quick fling. I would like to meet and marry the right man. Not to say I am wanting to rush anything.

    I just don’t want to be single the rest of my life. I am intelligent, compassionate, called to ministry, and in love with Je/s=us.

    I wonder if there is a man who is looking for someone like me? I feel open to meeting men of any legal age, any race.

    I am white, 5’8″, extra buttery, beautiful, and I love swimming, biking, walking, conversation, and more.



  327.  #327Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 8:25 pm

    Miss Stix and P-lala,

    I feel turned off too. I haven’t even responded to the guy yet. I don’t know if I will. I probably will, but I am already wondering if he’s another scammer, and i don’t want to put too much energy into it. Yet.



  328.  #328luzydel on August 10, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    So I need two superficial cd’s; guys I can txt to talk and go for coffee without the intimate part. D is so masculine and not really the Macho type masculine, but he takes his ma role serious, not just in bed… I do not want to fall for him like a dummy again, I want him to fall for me first, then I’ll follow… but he is so strong, manly man… he said he likes being respected and that he is dominant, but that I can feel safe because he will take care of me as long as I let him lead… That sound sexy, but I also feel scare…

    he is not violent at all, not rough, actually he is very gentle, but he keeps saying he wants me to do what he says, that he owns me, to be honest it kinda turns me on…I just doesn’t want it to go too far where he end up being possessive and or jealous.

    I feel excited because I am letting it be and he is being stepping up, but also scare because I don’t want to get attached too soon, or become clingy and loose my confidence, since I have been working so hard to get where I am… I know it is not my work to make him feel anything, he will or won’t eventually, but I admit that I want him to love me…I want a man to LOVE me Like I am loving me… haven’t met any other cd yet and I had to let virgo guy go, because I wasn’t feeling the attraction…



  329.  #329Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 9:00 pm

    Turn-off!

    Ok, I just talked to a new CD for about 20 min on the phone this afternoon. He just texted me, and here’s how it went:

    CD: Hello. How r u doing. I’m sorry for the late hour. Thought I’d take a chance and see if u were awake.

    B: Hey CD, it feels good to hear from you.

    CD: TY. It feels good to hear back from you also. What r u doing

    B: Just unwinding, half watching TV.

    CD: Sounds nice. I’m get off from work in few. I got to thinking about u. I’d love to just hold you in my arms.

    B: Awww, that would feel warm n cozy.

    CD: Yes it would. We could meet tonight. I know it sounds crazy. But we’re so close together. Just minutes apart. Can I call u

    B: I’m sorry, I wouldn’t feel comfortable with that, nor at this time of night, for a first meeting. I thought you were just imagining some.

    CD: Can I call u for a min

    B: Ok

    We just had a decent conversation, and that’s ok. He said on the phone he didn’t mean for sex. But I felt like saying, “Yeah, I bet.” (LOL. I didn’t). 😆



  330.  #330Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Radlove, that comes across as a little negative to me, and also a little desperate.

    Instead of saying you feel weary of being alone etc, why not try rewording in a positive way (and replace my words as you see fit – I’m not great at this!)?

    Any other sirens want to give input? I’m supposed to be working, so can’t put a lot into this…

    Eg.

    Hi

    I am looking for long-lasting love with the right man.

    I am intelligent, compassionate, called to ministry, and in love with Je/s=us.

    I wonder if there is a man who is looking for someone like me?

    I am white, 5’8″, and I love swimming, biking, walking, conversation, and more and I feel open to meeting men of any race. (any “legal” age smells of desperation to me – you can always check their age later)

    This is only rough and is just a minor tweak, but it removes the negatives.

    Hope that helps.

    xx



  331.  #331Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    ANOTHER MEN’S LOCKER ROOM REVELATION FROM JONATHON ASLAY… 🙂

    Dear Friends,

    Marriage

    The ultimate commitment.

    The declaration of love and the desire to spend a lifetime together.

    To be in partnership.

    To have each others back.

    Through thick and thin.

    The prize.

    Some of you might be single.. “never married”

    Others might be divorced and seeking long term commitment.

    When it comes to understanding men and the relationships we choose, knowledge is key.

    Knowing how we choose marriage (even if you don’t want to remarry), will help you achieve your desired relationship goals.

    Men choose long term relationships, the same way they choose saying “will you marry me?”

    Let’s face it, times have changed when it comes to how most men view long term commitment.

    The old saying “why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”

    It just struck me that this is an old saying, yet in the past (over 60 years ago) most married before the 10th date.

    Today relationships can drag out for years before serious talk of commitment is discussed.

    Today some relationships feel like a slow death walk.

    A waiting game.

    Constant doubt if he’s into you.

    Walking on eggshells.

    Holding back your true heart.

    Feeling bottled up inside.

    Feeling the need for security.

    For most women the need for security can be just as powerful as the biological clock ticking.

    Now for some of you, you might be saying: “I never want to get married again”

    That’s cool, I get it… divorce sucks.

    Have you heard: “The antidote to divorce is never marry in the first place.”

    Who cares what others say, what’s most important is what you want.

    Companionship is a human need and for some the ultimate expression is marriage.

    “Ok Jonathon, I get it….how do men choose marriage?”

    Good question.

    This past week I was at the gym working out.

    I tend to be a bit of a chatter box and love connecting with people.

    The gym is great place to make new friends and learn more about human nature.

    (yes it’s a great place to meet single eligible men too)

    The locker room is my laboratory for understanding men.

    It’s all guys in the locker room.

    Yes another locker room declaration.

    So after getting to know one of the guys while we were at the jacuzzi, we shared our stories.

    He’s a doctor, married his high school sweetheart and have been together 26 years.

    They dated 8 years before they got married.

    So I asked him: “how did you choose your wife?”

    He said the following:

    We are best friends
    We laugh all the time
    We have regular intimacy

    Actually, he said regular HOT SEX.

    When I began writing this post I thought I would change the terms to protect the innocent.

    Let’s face it, girls prefer calling it intimacy and guys just call is sex.

    When I called him on the sex, he actually confessed they have a strong emotional connection.

    This emotional bond led to his true answer of why he chose to get married.

    He said that: “when I realized that not having her in my life would be more painful than my fear of commitment, that’s when I made the choice”

    Men often fear commitment because it means giving up freedom.

    Freedom is just built into our hard-wiring.

    Freedom allows us to seek our purpose.

    Freedom to conquer the world, allows us to chase YOU.

    By contrast, nesting is also built into men.

    Men love to nest when they feel content.

    By nesting, I mean they are not going anywhere.

    When a man is happy in relationship, there is no need to go anywhere else.

    Men commit and choose marriage much like workout buddy in this story.
    After interviewing hundreds men and asking them the question, what made you say “you are the one”? they all said the same thing.

    We are best friends
    We laugh all the time and have fun
    We still have the hots for each other

    Each man has his own style of relationship that leads to commitment.

    Each man has keys to his kingdom.

    Before a man even considers marriage or long term relationship, he must choose his relationship.

    What do you mean Jonathon, choose his relationship?

    There are 7 Types of Relationships Men Choose

    Whether you are single & looking or in a relationship, learning these types relationship will save you time and heartache.

    When you learn these SEVEN types of relationships, getting to “I do” is much closer than you think.

    CLICK HERE to learn which relationships that will have him saying “will you marry me?”

    Wishing you all a FANTASTIC weekend.

    Sending smiles

    Jonathon



  332.  #332Radlove on August 10, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    BW,

    330 – Thanks for your feedback



  333.  #333siren song on August 10, 2012 at 9:45 pm

    i have dates like crazy! golf date with country guy tomorrow and a drink with a music producer on sunday.

    eeek! i feel nervous and excited!!!



  334.  #334siren song on August 10, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    and 3 different guys asked me out tonight. i went out with one, then another and said no to the one who wanted to hang out last minute.



  335.  #335Lily Medusa on August 10, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    I feel excited about something that happened and I want to share it and maybe the Sirens here will feel inspired too.

    To make extra money on the side, I sometimes work catering for a restaurant in my city. Yesterday I took a big food delivery to a software company. A guy met me at the door and showed me where to set up. He hung around and chatted with me while I arranged the food, and I used as many Feeling Messages as I could squeeze in.

    I gave him the bill. He took it and disappeared into the big boss’s office. I sat down in a chair, got comfortable, and leaned way back. I opened my heart and visualized money flowing to me. I visualized all good men wanting to give me money. A moment later he was back asking if the total bill included a tip. I smiled and said no, it didn’t. “How much do you think you deserve?” he asked. “A lot!” I responded and winked. He went into the boss’s office again and came out with the signed credit card receipt. On the tip line was written $75! Not bad considering the fact that my total working time was barely over an hour.

    Rori, you are a genius. Your Tools work in so many situations. Thank You!!!!



  336.  #336Rebecca on August 10, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    ..you know I came to the conclusion tonight that it’s okay that I want to spend 20, 30 years with one man. If I’m lucky enough to meet a man. I want security and love and intimacy… And I’m working on not finding that thought too restrictive and boring. That there is someone out there that I’ll want to lovr for ever and ever… And more importantly he’ll feel that way about me. That would feel so go…



  337.  #337Jenny on August 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Rad love

    Be careful not to just apply this to online/email dating. To have a long term live in relationship there will have to be conversation, and usually conversation includes questions and explanations.

    People differ, but some men love to talk. Some men don’t.

    I do agree that a woman should respect a man’s boundaries. I don’t think it’s questions that are the problem. It’s the needy questions. The ones that are trying to get him to “do” something. Like trying to get him to “be” with her, or “think” about her, or “love” her more.

    But random questions about life in general or things that just open up a conversation, and that don’t have any strings attached, can actually be beneficial. It keeps the conversation flowing.

    But yes, all people have a right to their own time and space. Women who are like “where are you?” “what are you doing” “what’s going on” are serious needy cases. I’m sure that is a super fast turn off to any self respecting man…cause it would be a turn off to me. I may be a girl, but I already have a mother…and guys already have their own mother’s too. They don’t want a mother for a wife.



  338.  #338Butterfly Wings on August 10, 2012 at 11:19 pm

    Is it possible for a man to be “addicted” to a woman?

    I was just wondering this because TH is the one who ended it things with me, but it’s HE who keeps initiating contact. I’m not even tempted to initiate contact with him, and if he dropped off the planet, I think I’d be ok because I’ve come to terms with it now…

    Will continue to ponder this one while I start to think about what to wear tonight. I’m thinking a cute little dress! 🙂



  339.  #339Tam on August 11, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Hi Sirens!
    Just checking in with you. I have been busy and after 4 months finally having some more good moments than bad. Phew.

    No contact for 3 weeks with Mr you-know-who..I am not tempted to get into contact at all.

    My little part time job is lovely and I get paid for doing stuff I love, my hobby basically (so I don’t get paid much but who cares, i am happy)

    I have been asked to contribute to various blogs set up by a psychologist, on relationship matters. She loooved my first entry and I might even get paid for that once I settle in. Right now it is fun, fun, fun.

    Yes, I still have bad moments, especially when I wake up. Yes, I miss the guy also, but having been busy and having had so many friends telling me how they miss me and can’t wait for me to get back to Florida, offering help etc….I realise how lucky I am to have good friends. And really, I believe that a relationship is like someone once said ‘friendship on fire’. So for now I take my friends and no fire in my life. But that’s quite alright.

    No dating for me this weekend, doing cultural stuff and meeting a girlfriend which is a rare occasion and I look forward to it very very much.

    Love to you all



  340.  #340Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 1:19 am

    Hey Tam, I was wondering where you were 😉 I feel you’re on the way to find your peace.. it feels comforting to see that.



  341.  #341Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 1:28 am

    He ended up seeing the child yesterday. Texted me afterwards. More crazy stuff from the ex.. I want to tell him that I need a romantic break. I need it to be about me for 2 hours. I want to be looked in the eyes and told I am beautiful. I want to feel girly again and not just supportive and understanding.. Is it too much to ask?



  342.  #342Butterfly Wings on August 11, 2012 at 1:37 am

    Memulo, being a mother myself, I have a pretty good idea of what he’s going through right now.

    Please be careful of how much pressure you put him under. It might just be that with all that’s going on, he doesn’t have the energy to deal with his child AND your needs.

    Once everything settles down, then maybe things can return to “normal”, however it’s up to you if you choose to wait for that or not.

    I know it’s hard. But what he’s going through is also really tough.

    xxx



  343.  #343Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 1:51 am

    BW,

    Thank you. I thought that after a daily contact on his stuff I can state my needs but maybe you’re right.. He is hurt and angry and upset about something he found out, so went back to texting again as opposed to calling. So maybe not a good time to pop up with my FM’s 😉



  344.  #344Dancing Siren on August 11, 2012 at 2:38 am

    Oh gosh,

    Feeling the emptiness this morning.

    Just sitting here but will be getting up and packing my bag in a minute ready to go and teach and then stay with my friend this evening.

    Loving the feel of the sunshine on my skin though.



  345.  #345Daria on August 11, 2012 at 2:39 am

    Memulo – it sounds lively to share how you miss looking into his eyes and told you’re beautiful … Youre feeling disconnected… and it would feel so good to do that again

    Dominique has great words to use for this, feeling messages are really important to share how you’re feeling rather than demand he meets your needs… This is pretty subtle stuff to share…

    And no letting myself go unfulfilled is not a way I would want to be treating myself

    (and of course, I would circular date)



  346.  #346Dancing Siren on August 11, 2012 at 2:40 am

    Tam,

    Your post makes me feel inspired.

    Thank You.



  347.  #347Dancing Siren on August 11, 2012 at 2:44 am

    Does anyone have any healthy breakfast ideas they can share?

    I tend to end up eating the same old thing for breakfast…

    I have felt inspired by Lilibee’s ideas about legumes.

    Thanks.



  348.  #348Daria on August 11, 2012 at 2:47 am

    I’m feeling sad sometimes reading of the ladies here and

    Just feeling kinda angry at my inability to see healing consistently

    🙁

    I feel so guilty I’m not helping my great aunt w exercises for her health

    It feels overwhelming for me

    And my NV says I’m ‘letting’ her die

    She is old

    She wants to die I think cuz she hasn’t been feeling good

    The exercises I know would have helped her feel better but I didn’t speak to her about it

    Cuz I don’t believe I’ll be heard and also it would take consistent effort from me maybe and I feel overwhelmed and I feel guilty and ashamed

    And also it’s not my fault

    I haven’t been asked for help

    Sigh

    I want to heal this

    I just asked spirit and spirit said No

    I guess they really want my auntie to die cuz she is wanted there

    That felt relieving yet I’m set on feeling giltu

    I am getting comfort out of this guilt feeling

    It has me feeling good about myself that I care

    I feel guilty for that

    Sigh

    I love myself

    I feel smily now



  349.  #349Daria on August 11, 2012 at 3:01 am

    Breakfast for me is usually smoked steelhead (fish like salmon) or salmon and half an avocado w salt n pepper

    Another option sometimes I like free range or otherwise organic eggs, boiled or fried by me in good oils or fat to look like eyes… On the side w tomatoes and cucumbers and bell peppers…

    Orrrr I LOVE having leftovers from the nite before… Yum



  350.  #350Daria on August 11, 2012 at 3:03 am

    Also lately I’ve eaten fruit for breakfast, a melon or else 2 Peaches or a lotta strawberries 🙂



  351.  #351Dancing Siren on August 11, 2012 at 3:10 am

    Right,

    Have given my car a drink of oil 🙂

    Now for me to have some more coffee.



  352.  #352Radlove on August 11, 2012 at 3:18 am

    Written by Katarina Phang:

    The secret of of him wanting to spend more time with you is you always leave him wanting more…of you each and every time. That means you never overstay your welcome. That means, be happy and upbeat when it’s time to leave or when “he’s done with you” in the moment. That means not to feel left out when he’s busy with his friends (you are a romantic interest, don’t want him to treat you like one of his buddies which means at times you will need to be “left out” because you have a special spot in his heart which isn’t in a friend zone). I consistently do that and as the result he won’t let me go. When you leave him wanting more of you: that’s what he remembers of you. And this is the very best way to ensure that you will continue to see more of him. Remember, a man falls in love when he’s not with you. When he realizes he’s missing you and keeps thinking about the fond memories of you: your sweetness, your hearty laugh, your feminine softness and goofiness. As I said, when you leave the door unlocked, he’ll feel safe to come closer and closer to you. That’s a quality in a woman that he rarely finds these days.



  353.  #353Dancing Siren on August 11, 2012 at 3:22 am

    Thanks Daria,

    I love the eggs to look like eyes idea.

    With vegetables!

    Ummm 🙂



  354.  #354Radlove on August 11, 2012 at 3:31 am

    I just posted a long post about fruit smoothies for breakfast. It’s the second post that’s disappeared.



  355.  #355Daria on August 11, 2012 at 3:33 am

    Remember, a man falls in love when he’s not with you

    🙂 hmm that feels exciting



  356.  #356Radlove on August 11, 2012 at 3:37 am

    Daria,

    What should I do to get started with you helping me with scripting?



  357.  #357Tam on August 11, 2012 at 3:46 am

    Memulo, Dancing Siren..thank you 🙂



  358.  #358Dancing Siren on August 11, 2012 at 4:03 am

    Ladies,

    Can you help me with this please?

    I have been feeling triggered these past few days wondering if I left the door open for S.

    I mean I intended to, but not sure my behaviour would let him know this.

    Ie: unfriending him on Facebook, and removing all my things from his house and posting back the key through his door while he was not there. That was the night he had attended his first AA meeting, and then went and got wasted, and the final straw for me.

    I acted in anger, but also to protect and take care of myself.

    I think it was probably right to remove each other from facebook as it is too triggering. However we never actually spoke about this, and I can see how it might have felt to him.

    We did speak via text after that night, and saw each other at work.

    And the final goodbye was at work and he held my hand and looked into my eyes.

    When I say final, I mean there has been no contact since then, a few days ago.

    I feel so anxious right now.

    Wondering if he knows, that I would consider a future with him IF these issues are addressed. Which is what he said he wanted and he was going to do.

    The day I left he had told the bosses at work he is an alcoholic.

    I feel scared to think he might not know the door is open, should he choose that path (of getting sober) and it triggers me to want to lean forward, to let him know.

    Although I have said that to him in the past.

    That was before I actually left.

    I know the relationship is not my job.

    And this is the first time he has ever ‘given up’ on me or on us. In the past he has always kept up contact, no matter what.

    I know I pushed him away some.

    And I also know if I didn’t I would still be hopelessly entertwined in this situation, more so than I am now, totally invested and in daily contact.

    Struggling.

    Can we sort this out so that I have it straight in my head pls?



  359.  #359Francesca on August 11, 2012 at 4:47 am

    My post-workout breakfast usually consists of plain low fat yogourt, dried cranberries, maple syrup, cinnamon, Ezekiel 4:9 cereals and coconut milk.

    Sometimes I’ll throw in a banana if I have some.



  360.  #360AllLoveAlways on August 11, 2012 at 5:04 am

    Hello Everyone~

    I’m feeling like I want to come out of my shyness and post after reading the blog for a couple months. The Sirens here have been so inspiring for me. I realize now that I have so much healing to do. Wow! I never realized how much until reading Rori’s articles and newsletters. I bought the ebook and really wish I could afford the programs. So, I’m now on this journey of self exploration. I have 3 CDs (plus an imaginary CD I like, but he’s across the country, I thought I should mention in case he comes up in the future,,, he’s writting to me right now. I’m saying no way, no way, no way! that I feel totally weird doing. My ex picked up on it, I think. And led to the finality of what little crumbs I was getting out of that. It still hurts though. Started taking the most awesome mindful meditation class. It feels so good to be doing stuff for me! 🙂
    Things I want to begin healing… hmmm. I think I have trouble with my anger. The last thing I said to my ex was to “ef” off, deservedly so. But I’m not proud of it. I want to learn how to speak up for myself in healthy constructive ways. I was emotionally and verbally abused and never told him how bad it felt. And he kept doing it. I’m telling my CDs now, if something doesn’t feel good. But, there is this fear I have that they wont like me if I say it. Or if I’m even saying it correctly… like a siren. 🙂 My ex, I’ll call D, brought out a lot of jealousy issues. I’ve work hard in the past to overcome. As he saw it was his right to openly see other women, but was extremely possessive and jealous of me to the point I couldn’t even talk to my (girl) friends, and lost a lot of them because of it. It feels great to be here. 🙂 I want to soak up all the knowledge and good vibes I can. You all are so helpful and caring to each other. I’m not really in any crisis mode like I was when I first started reading. I feel kinda lost and alone. I feel open to any suggestions that anyone might pick up on something, anything I’m missing. This is just some stuff off the top of my head. There’s more, I’m sure.



  361.  #361LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 5:05 am

    357:

    Dancing Siren,

    We always see others’ situation alot clearer than our own, looking in from the outside.

    That’s why I feel OK to allow myself to give my 2 cents worth:

    You did the right thing in Rori’s book I’m sure.
    Once you’ve delivered all your FMs about it, if the situation keeps up and keeps feeling bad, you need to step away.
    That’s what Rori says to do.

    That is EXACTLY what you have done.

    You have made your feelings crystal clear with everything you have done.
    You made your boundary very clear.
    You gave yourself a very valuable gift: Integrity, which is priceless.

    People with integrity are taken seriously.
    No matter how you love him, and care what happens to him, and how much of a good time you’ve had, you showed him that you will not sacrifice yourself at any price.
    You are more important to you.

    He now has to take your boundary seriously and he knows what he has to do to have you.
    He now knows he has to work on his issue before he can be with you.

    As long as you stay by his side, he has no motivation to heal his addiction.
    I would agree to see him only if I feel safe that he is thoroughly dealing with his addiction.

    That’s what I told myself that I would do when D told me he would do therapy.
    He would call me, and I would ask if he kept his appointment.
    I told him that I would not see him if he didn’t keep to his therapy.
    I saw him after only 1 session of therapy, and then I got all wrapped up in him again.
    He stopped therapy coz he didn’t feel the need to, now that he ‘had’ me.



  362.  #362Dancing Siren on August 11, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Lilibee,

    Thank You.

    And this is the exact thing I did with S.

    He had started therapy, and admitted to his issue, and had made contact with AA.

    And I agreed to see him again, and felt all invested.

    And then it all collapsed.

    Because it was too soon.

    Not enough time had passed, and neither of us had changed enough.

    Aha.

    Ok.

    Thank You Lillibee.

    Well today I am doing ok.

    So far I have repaired a lot of my personal stuff that needed repairing, and eaten a healthy brunch.

    And out my make up on.

    Packed a bag ready to go and see my friend, and now I am off to do some exercise.

    And then a client.

    I feel ok.

    Hugs Lilibee.

    Catch you soon.

    xoxoox



  363.  #363LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 5:17 am

    Dancing Siren,

    Ask yourself what he could do that would make you feel safe to be with him, and hold him to it.

    Tell him in FMs, even if you already have, keep repeating them:
    When you go on a binge, I feel….
    I don’t feel safe.
    I don’t feel safe being with you like that.
    I don’t want to feel that way with you.
    I don’t want that kind of relationship.
    What can you do? What do you think?

    I think it may be a good idea to keep the door open to communication, but not to see him until you feel really safe that he is truly dealing with his problem.



  364.  #364LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 6:07 am

    D and I had a talk last night.

    I told him that I basically feel disconnected in our relationship, and it makes me feel cold and lonely.
    I want to feel connected.

    ” I have asked 3 couples who have been together for years and are close, what the secret is.
    They all say the same thing: Constant open and honest communication.
    I want to feel connected with you in that way.
    But I don’t, I feel isolated.
    What do you think? ”

    He said ” Yeah, communication is really important.”

    Me: ” Your sister and her bf have busy different schedules, and they manage to do it by setting a time once a week devoted to each other without any interruptions. They look so close even while having both their own seperate activities. What do you think about that idea? ”

    D: ” I think that the ideal place would be at a restaurant where we can be quiet, no phones, no interruptions.”

    Me: ” That feels good. (silent pause)…
    I blamed your lack of time for our communication problems. But looking back wondering what went wrong, I realize that I started seeing you again while feeling doubtful and I didn’t share it with you.
    I felt confident and strong about myself, but I didn’t share my true feelings about us.
    I told myself that I would just focus on having fun for the summer and not have any expections, that I would take it 1 day at a time.
    Well, I did have lots of fun with you this summer.
    It showed me that I do love you, and I do want a real relationship with you.
    When I keep that wall up, I feel stopped up.
    The feelings I keep behind that wall keep rising.
    Then the wall breaks apart, and I feel the flood of emotions raging out of control.”

    He hugged me and kissed me, and that was it.

    He asked me if I would like to join him and his son in an outdoor physical activity in the woods.
    I said I have been wanting to do that for years and never had the opportunity.

    I feel so good that he wants all 3 of us to have fun together 🙂



  365.  #365LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 6:13 am

    This morning I was supposed to go to a golf tournament with him and his family.
    I was too sleepy and tired, and the forecast called for heavy rain.
    He went anyway and I didn’t.

    Now I feel disappointed with myself that I didn’t take the opportunity to spend a fun day with him.

    I just checked the forecast again, and now it says the rain will only start later in the afternoon 🙁

    I always put myself in a place of “missed opportunities and feeling leftout.”

    Well I can’t blame him for my feeling that way. I kept myself home.



  366.  #366LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 6:16 am

    354:

    Funny I read that after I wrote my last post.

    I’m not sure that he will fall in love while not with me today.
    It’s more like I’m a drag for not joining in the fun.

    I feel down on myself for being a party pooper.



  367.  #367LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 6:38 am

    I’m isolating myself.

    Maybe it’s best I slept in taking care of myself, bring my vibe up, then go join them at the party afterwards.

    I hate being the party pooper.
    I felt depressed all week and it exhausted me.
    I want to be fun and spontaneous.

    I just sent D and his sister a text to ask them to send me the address for the party as soon as they can.

    Meanwhile, I’ll go wash my hair to feel pretty.



  368.  #368Femininewoman on August 11, 2012 at 6:51 am

    LiliBee it seems to me you keep



  369.  #369Femininewoman on August 11, 2012 at 6:53 am

    LiliBee it seems to me you keep choosing not to join in. Then second guess yourself. Then choose to show up. Then things are out of your control so you get angry. It seems to me there is a need to review if you are choosing relationship.



  370.  #370luzydel on August 11, 2012 at 7:22 am

    POF is dead lol no one single email, been thinking about D and all, but I don’t want to sit here and wait for him to show up and tell me his fallen for me, especially when I know this is casual at this moment.



  371.  #371ReceivingGirl on August 11, 2012 at 7:29 am

    I will have to catch up later on the blog. I have to not procrastinate and get some homework done! 🙂

    I had to post and say, what are the chances of running into BoatGuy twice in the same day? Mr. Observant & I went to dinner at a place I rarely go to and yep, he was there.

    Mr. Observant asked me, “what ever happened between you too?” I said, “what do you mean?” He said, “Did you just never talk about it?” I said, “Yep, pretty much, we just stopped talking.”

    Haha…yea. So, we didn’t really acknowledge each other, but it wasn’t really awkward either.

    I had seen him that morning driving to work and we waved.

    I also was thinking about why I’ve always felt like I needed to give in order to be liked. I learned it from my parents. Yes, they do it all the time. They are always putting in more money for things than required. Or giving gifts when not needed.

    Such as, family party, order pizza, $6/person, my mom pulls out $40 for 2 people. People tell her no. She insists. They argue. She wins.

    What I’ve noticed is it irritates my other family members. They don’t see it as her being generous. My Aunt said, there she goes again always putting in way more than needed.

    Now, I don’t do this. I don’t give away my money. However, I would bake cookies or make some food and I would give it away to friends. Same principle, I guess.

    I haven’t done that in a long time. Now, I give away food only if I think I won’t eat it before it goes bad. Or, if I don’t like it.



  372.  #372LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 7:30 am

    367:

    Yeah FW.

    I’m looking at that right now.

    Things won’t be out of control today coz I am taking responsibility for myself.

    I am struggling between taking care of myself and my emotions and being in the relationship by just going.

    I’m responsible for keeping myself from going.
    I wanted to take care of my tiredness.
    I didn’t feel good about being in the rain all day feeling so exhausted.
    At the same time, I regret not having kicked myself in the rear and taken a strong coffea to go.

    I am missing out, and I see how it is my own doing, MY OWN CHOICE.
    I can’t be blaming him by spewing my feelings on him today.
    I don’t want to miss out on having fun with him, but at the same time, I want to take care of myself when I feel exhausted.
    This is a time I discern by own responsibility.
    I am responsible for my feeling left out.
    I am also responsible to honour myself and my tiredness.

    When he left, he said “you can join us later at the party.”

    When I next see him, I want to say ” I felt so exhausted, I feel cranky and moody when I feel so tired. I felt really bad to miss out. I need to take better care of myself to be more energized.
    While you were out there, I took care of myself by sleeping an extra hour and I feel good to be here at the party with you.
    So let’s party! ”

    I am getting in the party vibe having a good honest discussion with myself about my feelings.
    This popped up: You silly girl! He told you last night that he couldn’t afford to go to the hockey tournament in October. Then he tells you he is taking you away for your week’s vacation in 2 weeks.
    He could have decided to do cheap activities around here to save his money for his passion.
    But he decided to spend alot of money to take you on a trip so we could be alone uninterrupted!

    That thought shakes me up to wake me up and shifts my vibe to a party vibe!

    So maybe this alone time this morning will allow me to ‘wake up’ and smell the coffea about my own barriers to a relationship.



  373.  #373LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 7:32 am

    369:

    You are learning alot about overfunctioning Receiving Girl.



  374.  #374LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 7:36 am

    I am using this time to take care of me instead of beating myself up.

    What would make me feel good right now, is being ready to go when he does call to give me the address.

    Meanwhile, I can do a load of laundry and some cleaning so I won’t have any excuses to pull away tomorrow.



  375.  #375MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Radlove

    Good morning! I have some constructive criticism for your add!

    First…the good stuff!

    I love how you finish it off! “extra buttery” made me giggle and you definitely come across as body confident. So important! No good man wants a woman who cuts herself down and lots of men love big beautiful women!

    Love how you state the activities you like! You sound free and sure of yourself when you talk about you and what you like to do!

    Negatives: as BW said the “weary” stuff and “any legal age” stuff comes across desperate. As a woman I know EXACTLY what you’re saying but it’s not right for this purpose.

    So…How to re-vamp?

    Think of the positives I mentioned-talking about you and how you seem free and your body confidence. Lets carry those throughout the ad…

    And it goes a little something like this 😉

    “Hi!

    I’m a big beautiful woman on a mission to find a partner to share my life with! (don’t abbreviate bbw! it’s too “porn” style)

    I love life, feeling free, and I live life to the fullest. I feel a deep calling to the ministry and I love and trust in j-e-s-u-s!

    I feel ____ (add your own positive feeling) when I am swimming. It is a joy of mine. I also love biking, walking, ___, ___, (add a couple more), and conversation. I very much enjoy spending time with interesting people and talking and learning how they view life, all it’s wonders and all it’s hardships.

    I’m definitely searching for that one man I feel a lasting connection to! However, I am open to meeting and talking to just about anyone. Every person has a valuable story!

    Have a gorgeous day :)”

    Light, free, zero desperation. Open, receptive, but selective! If you have questions about the tweaks and the purpose of each one just ask!

    Morning hugs to all!



  376.  #376MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Oh and please by all means write it in your own words OR copy/paste. All up to you! Purely an example so you can really get a feel for profile/add writing.



  377.  #377Beatrice on August 11, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Which is the right blog to post new questions or comments to?



  378.  #378Beatrice on August 11, 2012 at 7:57 am

    368: luzydel – Re: POF is dead…. have you tried Circ.les – (dont search for it via google chroime though) but it’s a new dating site completely NOT like the rest.



  379.  #379MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Beatrice

    Are you new? I’m rather new so I never know who is old/new lol

    The answer to your Q is whichever blog post is most recent!!

    The comments are a total mishmosh of questions, advice, journal type writing, feeling messages and updates on our days weeks and relationships.

    Pick the most recent blog entry and comment to your hearts content!



  380.  #380LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 8:01 am

    375:

    Hi Beatrice! 🙂

    Right here is the right one!
    Everyone hangs out on the most recent one.

    Rori will pop in often and respond to the new bloggers’ questions.

    Experienced sirens here will likely try to help you out until Rori gets here.



  381.  #381Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 8:02 am

    RG,

    ‘Now, I give away food only if I think I won’t eat it before it goes bad. Or, if I don’t like it.’

    Somehow I don’t believe you 😉 Like if you’re throwing a party I feel you are doing your best in terms of feeding your guests. And this feels lovely and warm.



  382.  #382Francesca on August 11, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Beatrice,

    You can post your question(s) here or on that thread if you prefer:

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/new-questions-and-stories-from-you/#comments



  383.  #383MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 8:06 am

    luzydel

    If POFis dwindling for you it’s time to make a new profile. Even uf you copy the old one word for word. Making a new one with a new name will pop you onto the “who’s new” list so new members will see you more readily.



  384.  #384LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 8:08 am

    346:

    Dancing Siren:

    I’ve gotten a new addiction to this with Dr. Oz’s recommendation:

    0% fat greek yogourt.
    It’s loaded with protein to leave you feeling full up until lunch.
    I top it up with granola cereal which is loaded in fiber, which also leaves you feeling full for a long time.
    Then I add on berries, especially blueberries loaded with antioxydants.



  385.  #385LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Dishes are done.
    Load of laundry washing.
    Hair washed and dried.
    Off I go to eat a good breakfast.



  386.  #386P-lala on August 11, 2012 at 8:12 am

    Dancing Siren,

    I eat Paleo, so no grains, soy, dairy, sugar or processed foods…lots of protein, saturated/healthy fats, veggies and nuts.

    Breakfast is usually organic, grain-free eggs and unprocessed bacon with a side of tomatoes. Mmmm!



  387.  #387MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 8:14 am

    When G makes breaky I eat ham, an egg, 1 piece of toast and random fruit.

    MY favourite breaky is half a papaya with seeds scooped. Fill that up with 0% greek yoghurt and top with granola YUMMY!!



  388.  #388T-Girl on August 11, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Luzydel, I remember back when I was on p o f, if I changed my picture I would get emails again. Even people that never contacted me before would email saying they liked my new picture.



  389.  #389Dancing siren on August 11, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Lilibee. But I feel unsure if I have left the door open? Do I need to say anything more to him or not?



  390.  #390Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Thank you Daria. I’m thinking of what I can say.. also I absolutely never know when I will see him again or talk to him again.

    I want to say something positive and still supportive of course but bring some focus back on me, I miss it soooo much!



  391.  #391ReceivingGirl on August 11, 2012 at 8:25 am

    @379 Memulo

    Haha, well, I feel throwing a party is different. Of course I’m going to have food for my guests! Is that overfunctioning? If people offer to bring something, I will let them. 🙂



  392.  #392P-lala on August 11, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Memulo,

    What are your thoughts on CDing? All of these issues could be resolved by receiving attention from men who DO have the time and energy for you.



  393.  #393MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 8:27 am

    I am not doing so great today 🙁

    I felt like I tweaked my neck yesterday but wasn’t too worried about it. I do it a lot and usually it feels better after a while…I have been feeling so strong since starting yoga.

    But I awoke in the middle of the night and couldn’t lift my head off the pillow. This is terrifying because i’m already hard up and I JUST finished my return to work last week. I am completely fxcked if I can’t work again.

    I exhausted my EI injury money. They only give you 15 weeks here. I was denied WCB because I can’t prove it happened at work.

    I have a shift booked today and 5 booked next week. Why did it happen on a sat? Grrr they never take you seriously when you cancel a sat evening shift.

    I am feeling very worried, and apprehensive. It feels like tight knots in my belly.

    I have to breathe and I have to cancel my shift 🙁 I have to take care of my body or it will be wrecked for life. These discs will not regenerate. I have to protect what I have left.

    How much I wish I could be a photographer right now and not have to keep learning and building experience.

    I feel so desperately sad to admit this….I can’t do my work anymore. Being a personal care attendant is to physically demanding for someone with my condition.

    Oh sigh. How to work through this one?



  394.  #394ReceivingGirl on August 11, 2012 at 8:27 am

    I feel a little curious. If men are supposed to give and women receive, can men ever overfunction?



  395.  #395LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 8:30 am

    387:

    No, I wouldn’t say anything, allthough I would definitely feel tempted to.

    D had crossed over my boundary in a big way last winter.
    I had done something like what you did.
    I left the door completely closed.
    He found a way in by asking my friend if she thought he could still stand a chance.
    I told her it was over for good, but she still urged him to call me.

    My point is:

    Let’s say he thinks the door is closed.
    He knows very well why it is closed.
    He knows very well what you need to have it open.
    If he is capable of doing what needs to be done, he will find a way to come to you regardless of wether you left the door open or not.



  396.  #396LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Eat a healthy breakfast. Check. Done.

    Off I go to prepare by bag for the party.
    The golf tournament will be over between 1 and 3pm.



  397.  #397LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 8:47 am

    391:

    ((( MissStix )))

    I wish I had magic words for you.



  398.  #398Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 8:51 am

    P-lala,

    I feel it is important that I receive romantic attention from him. Even if it’s 20% as opposed to 100% and regardless of attention I can get from other men.. I feel that it’s important that he gives it to me. I feel tired of feeling invisible. Well maybe it’s an exaggeration but for our relationship and since things are slightly better for him now I’d like to tell him that it’s important to me.



  399.  #399Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 8:55 am

    He will enjoy it too



  400.  #400MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Your hugs are enough, and thank you.

    I feel like wallowing and blaming life and the universe…My work is really important to me. More than just money. It’s so hard to think about letting it go. So many caregivers are burnt out and I was back rested, recovered (i thought) and letting in some fresh air the home where I work. I love the people I care for and had missed them.

    Ok brightsides…I will go back to school for nursing. My mom will help me financially so long as i’m in school. Being a nurse won’t be nearly as bad for my injury. I can teach? Yes I believe I could teach, or work in public health! No spinal stress. I will continue on my photography path at the same time. I don’t pay rent as our tennants cover the mortgage. So I have a roof, food, a car, love, and a free life.

    I am ok.



  401.  #401Femininewoman on August 11, 2012 at 9:05 am

    “I feel tired of feeling invisible” is your own issue to take responsibility for and resolve. No human being is responsible for your feelings and might only perceive this as demanding and needy.



  402.  #402Femininewoman on August 11, 2012 at 9:13 am

    LiliBee just remember if you get to the party and see anything that causes anger or disappointment. You job is to either sink into those feelings and really feel them or speak authentically from a deeply connected place with power. If you choose not to speak after sinking deeply turn your attention away to do something that makes you feel good or to better feeling thoughts.

    I say this because a pattern has been established with him around parties.



  403.  #403MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 9:13 am

    I read a quote a while back that comes to my mind right now…

    Something along these lines..

    “Successful people are people who know they may have to spend years working hard for nothing to have it all.”

    It feels uplifting and I can see my life 4 years down the road and it looks good!



  404.  #404bloom-ing on August 11, 2012 at 9:26 am

    the 2014 olympics are in Sochi & arshile gorky paints “garden in sochi” 3 times. i like the no-hands in the artist & his mother. i like the “i give up” makes me feel amazed & like worshipping men. like the scrub scrub scrub the paint like the action. like the do it again, like the try this, like the newspaper over the face with a pen sketch revision. “pretty good” i used to have a four year old friend who said that to me. once i made her a kaleidoscope & it took me like two hours & she just turned it over in her hands….. her tiny dirty hands ! that have only held like 2 kaleidoscopes in her little life…. & she just goes “pretty good !” lol……… i have a bursting joyous feeling of Queenliness thinking that i say “my friend” & mean it when speaking of children. told cd “my friend says that’s her favorite movie” so he put it on…. after like 15 min, he’s like UM, who told you this was a good movie ? i’m like, oh, haha, yeah, she is 2. lol….



  405.  #405bloom-ing on August 11, 2012 at 9:29 am

    omg femininewoman, i tried the “i can see how you would see it that way…… but i see it differently, because i’m me” : ) just a simple way, not too contrived – i felt nervous to use it – but it changed the whole conversation. i like it. thank you!



  406.  #406LiliBee on August 11, 2012 at 9:55 am

    400:

    Thank You so much FW.

    I also have to remember that I chose not to go, and I have to be responsible for my feeling left out.

    The 2 parties are annual events which have taken place for years, and he’s always gone.
    The people there are such warm funloving people.
    That women with whom he had a flirting history with, was far away from him at that party and he was paying no attention to her.
    So that seems to be resolved.

    I would felt icky and not good about myself holding him back.
    That’s what I was trying to do last time.
    I was manipulating to hold him back, and he was manipulating to be there.

    He does greet me with a happy smile when I do show up, and he introduces me to people I don’t know.

    It wasn’t what he was doing at those parties that triggered me.

    I would feel happier being happy that people like him so much. He does want me there with him.
    Last time I felt overwhelmed from missing his attention for so long.

    There is another woman at the golf today with wich he had a flirting thing with.
    I believe his flirting days are over, he hasn’t done it even when he could have and he didn’t even know I was coming.

    I chose to pull myself back and not go.
    Sometimes, I have to own up to my responsibility for not claiming my space next to him.



  407.  #407MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 9:59 am

    lilibee 370

    I like your attitude in this post! I love the “shake me up to wake me up” and “my own barriers..”. I love how you speak of taking care of your own issues.

    Great insights!



  408.  #408luzydel on August 11, 2012 at 10:14 am

    So I am reading a book about making anyone falling in love with you”… truth is not everyone can fall for you…

    But is the attraction is there, then that’s the first step…
    According to the book, “Love is just like any other psychological emotion you experience and so it can be controlled.” www . 2knowmyslef.com…
    So for the writer anyone can fall for you as long as these things happen…

    1. I have what you need

    2. Meeting Criteria

    3. Does Trying Harder Work? (it depends on the “target’s personality”)

    4. Program his Subconscious Mind

    etc etc…

    do you girls agree? is love just in the brain and can it be controlled?…hmmm



  409.  #409MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Lilibee

    Reading your posts today I get a strong sense that it can work with this man. You’re so on the right path!

    At some point very soon, and once you have discussed the issues you will have to set those old feelings free and shift into the newer happier relationship with D. Shift the focus back to present and future.

    My last big blow up with G was a few months ago so i’m going through that shift now. I owned my issues. Stopped blaming him, talked it through and started to walk forward again.

    We’re all behind you!

    Some uplifting conversation between G and I…

    He asked me outright why i’m typing so much lately and I was honest with him…

    “I found this really great dating site and support system of women”

    G: “You need help dating?” Followed by mutual laughter.

    “I wouldn’t say that but as you know my last relationship kind of sent me into a spin, and it’s helping me get a handle on having a better relationship with you.”

    G: “So that’s it?? I noticed you are a little easier to be around!”

    Then we laughed!

    I am less up and down lately!



  410.  #410Rori Raye on August 11, 2012 at 10:19 am

    AllLove – Welcome, and here’s my suggestion – go find CODA meetings in your area. This is toxic co-dependency, and what you describe is CLASSIC. You can DO this! So many women have broken out of this pattern, and you’ve already taken the first step writing here and joining the community. Love, Rori



  411.  #411Rori Raye on August 11, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Welcome, Jenny – are you a coach or therapist? I usually ask everyone to stop giving advice and use the blog to share in Feeling Messages and Riff, and generally expose their own emotions and practice speaking them in a safe place where “making sense” is not important (see “Guidelines” over in the sidebar)…. AND YET- I seriously ENJOYED and appreciated your beautifully written comment, do not feel the vibe of “judgment” – and so, even though, if you’re not a coach, I’d love to have you join us in a more vulnerable way, I welcome your voice however you’d like to show up here. If you’d like to show up coach-like, I’m happy to have you. Love, Rori



  412.  #412luzydel on August 11, 2012 at 10:25 am

    I like the idea of ‘dropping’ the control and being about myself, truth is that I have met plenty of men and most of them are totally gone out of my life, but I am still here, so it is about me in the end, about me being happy, secure, safe… I have provided those things for me…I have being my lover and friend when all id gone and when men had disappeared… How easy is to abandon myself when I chase a man, thinking that he has what I need, but truth is that I have what I need… a man is part of my life but not the center of it… I am the center of MY life…



  413.  #413AllLoveAlways on August 11, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Thanks for the welcome (and advise) Rori!

    Hello Everyone! My post is #260, just a general blurb and introduction. I have a CD in an hour I need to get to… will check back later!



  414.  #414AllLoveAlways on August 11, 2012 at 10:49 am

    oops, it’s #360



  415.  #415Femininewoman on August 11, 2012 at 11:13 am

    LiliBee you sound so good and I so agree with Miss Stix.

    I learned on this blog some time ago that even when other women are throwing themselves at my man I can stay energetically attached to him by standind behind him with my hand in his back pocket while leaning back so he can feel my energy. Or I can choose to stay physically connected to him by touching his shoulder lightly. I have unconsciously done something similar in the past by standing in front of him unruffled and feeling confident while an ex had tried to practically past herself on him by sitting next to him almost under his arm. I stayed detached flirty and continued having fun. I couldn’t figure out how to get her out of the picture and got tired of feeling her hating energy so I detached from him totally although we still remain friends.



  416.  #416Femininewoman on August 11, 2012 at 11:19 am

    AllLoveAlways hi. Do you feel open to sharing about the mindful meditation class? It is the first I am hearing about it so I am wondering how it helps in life generally and specifically in relationships if it does.



  417.  #417luzydel on August 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    I read this in another forum and it gave me a wake up call!!!

    “Trust comes primarily, from knowing that you will be okay even if the other person does screw up”

    So yes, it is not about knowing a man will leave, cheat, disappoint me, break me…It is about knowing I will be fine regardless. And that makes me enjoy the relationship whatever stage it is right now, because I will rise from it. I have to trust myself and know that I will be fine… That is all I need to know!

    My life is starting to become so uncomplicated, that for some people it will be so hard to understand. Just like water, my life is getting so simple that it will be hard to grasp by some… Im hungry time to feed me 🙂



  418.  #418Tereana on August 11, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    Ha! You’ll never guess what happened!

    About 5 minutes after I wrote my last post (151), there was a knock on my door. Frickin’ Sweety showed up! Unannounced, at my door, on a Thursday evening. He had Friday off from work, and he wanted to see me. He cooked me dinner – we cooked together – and it was delicious.

    We spent the night in my bed, but we did not have sex. We also spent all last weekend together and did not have sex, either. Not that he isn’t totally turned on by me – he is, ridiculously.

    Of course, it is not all totally hunky dory.

    In the morning, we were cuddling, etc., and all of a sudden, he starts telling me that he’s “not ready for a relationship.” To which I responded by getting out of bed and taking a shower (which was difficult to do, because he was trying to hold me back, but I told him to let me go. Then he wanted to talk to me the shower, but it was too stressful. I was shaking.

    So afterward, we had a better discussion on the couch. He told me how much he liked me, and that if he wanted to date anybody, it would be me. But he wants to “slow it down” right now.

    I swear, he could have been reciting lines out of EMK’s playbook (or Jonathon Aslay, or any one of the experts out there, I guess). Almost word for word, he was telling me how spending two days together, or cooking together “doesn’t mean anything,” etc.

    I guess he is in his “indecisive” phase, or whatever. He knows that he likes me, he just doesn’t know what to “do” with me yet. And I didn’t tell him this, but I kind of want to tell him, Rori-style, that until he does know what he wants, then he can’t have me all to himself. But it’s not like I want to scare him into thinking that I’m all into “dating other people.” Maybe that’s just something I can do for me. Keep my options open – for me. And be firm and clear that if he doesn’t know what he wants with me, then he doesn’t get to sleep with me – even if I like him and I want to sleep with him, too. That doesn’t mean we should. At this point, it would be more meaningful to wait. So when he’s ready, it doesn’t have to be a big commitment. But if he at least knows that he wants to make a commitment, and has shown me that he is reliable and trustworthy and wants to be there, then we can take that next step. And I think it will be nice.

    But I feel like honoring his need for space right now, too. Maybe, since he showed up last night, I wanted that to mean that we would spend Friday and Saturday night together, too. And maybe that’s not the way it’s going to happen. That doesn’t feel great to me. But in a way, it’s good. Because I get more time to take care of myself today. I’m cleaning house and doing laundry, and maybe get a pedicure later. Then I’ll go out dancing with friends tonight, and I don’t care if I see him at all. Then, on Tuesday, I’ll be in his neighborhood, but maybe I won’t mention anything about it. I’ll do my thing and wait for him to make the next move.

    I told him that I’m going at “his pace,” so I’m letting him row the boat. It may not be at “my” pace, and/or on my schedule. But it doesn’t have to be, right? Nevertheless, I can live(love) at my pace, and be on my schedule. I can make my own choices, and decide what’s right for me.

    Right now, I am weighing the good against the “bad” – the parts I like with the things I don’t. When he is there, and when he is speaking to me, and communicating with me, it is absolutely wonderful. When I’m “freaking out” or getting angry, he is calm. And knew how to calm me down yesterday, when I got so upset about what he was saying.

    But then, I had a right. If he doesn’t want a relationship with me, then why spend time with me at all? Because he likes me, is what he said. So I get to believe him. And trust that he likes me, and still wants to see me and learn more about me. Just at a slower pace.

    Which is actually kind of cool, now that I think about it. If he were rushing, and trying to do everything to get into my pants, I know that it would be over as soon as that happened. And yet, I don’t think that’s his goal. He’s talking about more than just that. And that feels pretty good. It’s just different. And that means that I don’t need to rush, either.

    I actually feel pretty grateful that he’s not pushing for sex. And given my experience with Vman, it feels great to be in bed with someone who doesn’t mind cuddling all night, listens to me when I say I don’t want more, and doesn’t push for more, even though he’s turned on. He even asks permission. Wow!

    So I guess I shouldn’t be too judgmental, or overthink anything at all. It just is what it is. I can do what I do, and watch and see what happens. So far, he’s surprised me in lots of lovely ways. I can’t wait to see how he surprises me next!

    Or maybe I’ll get surprised by someone else. I guess we’ll see! lol 🙂

    p.s. sorry for the long message. It feels good to be back on the blog!! xox



  419.  #419MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    luzydel

    Wondrously simple and so true!!

    My mom says (after 40 years of marriage) “I am here because I want to be here. If I wanted or needed to leave I would be ok.”

    She was my rock during my divorce.



  420.  #420luzydel on August 11, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    @ 418: Tereana

    Like Rory says I am not here to give advise and truth is I am not, but if that was me in that situation I would take it as he is not that into me… That doesn’t mean I am less than, on not attractive or anything, but deep inside he doesn’t feel it in his guts for me. Man/women are always ready for a ‘relationship’ when they feel it in their guts and they feel it is right. He may be “testing” your boundaries and checking to see if he can get some sex while he find his Mrs. right… lots of men do this believe me… Once a man tells me he is not ready for a relationship, I take it as he is not ready or willing to give me what I want… No I don’t give him space, because that subconsciously prevents me to move on and date others without guilt…I move on, I drop him… Most likely he end up being ready for a relationship with someone else and that is his prerogative, be he cannot have what he isn’t “ready” to have so I wont put him on hold, or give him “space”…I drop him… if he wants me, he will catch up with me or he will loose me forever…



  421.  #421Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    FW #401,

    I feel this way because lately it’s all about him. Or most of it is. I understand, just saying as his situation is improving I’d like more balance.

    Speaking of which I still have no idea when I will see him again 😉



  422.  #422Jilly on August 11, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    grrr…I feel so hormonal 🙁



  423.  #423Daria on August 11, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    WHOLISTIC DECISION-MAKING or How to Get Through Life Without Making More Karma

    http://byregion.net/cgibin/users/articles_viewer.pl?id=1715

    When we automatically react from habit, we may find that we have not considered all of our options. That’s when we are burdened by ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’ regrets. Even when you must respond quickly in a circumstance, you can take control of your instinctual patterns of reacting. In a few moments, you can access virtually all of your decision-making capabilities, and become ’cause’ rather than ‘effect’. To feel more in control of your life, try this process for wholistic decision-making.
    July 27th 2012 – Is life demanding more from you these days? Many people say life seems to be speeding up. How can we stay centered and peaceful in our hearts, yet move along with life, even at its increasing pace? How can we be empowered when we are reacting to life’s events? How can we be sure we are making decisions that won’t add to the stress, but will allow us to be in harmony with what is natural, healthy and loving?

    When we automatically react from habit, we may find that we have not considered all of our options. That’s when we are burdened by ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’ regrets. Even when you must respond quickly in a circumstance, you can take control of your instinctual patterns of reacting. In a few moments, you can access virtually all of your decision-making capabilities so that you make wholistic, empowered decisions. Life may not get easier, but it will be more fulfilling when you become ‘cause’ rather than ‘effect’. To feel more in control of your life, try this process for wholistic decision-making.

    The most basic, automatic way that we react to life’s challenges is through the function of the oldest part of our brain, what is called the reptilian brain. It is the source of the urge to flee, fight, or play dead. Its function is to ensure survival of the physical body and it is most useful when we are in actual physical danger, like when an accident is occurring. Thankfully, most of us have little need to rely solely on this function on a daily basis. However, life is stressful, so the reptilian brain can be inappropriately activated and influencing our non-life-threatening decisions.

    If you are not in physical danger, the first step in the wholistic decision-making process is to ask, “Body, what is dangerous in this moment? What do you want to do?” You don’t have change anything—just become aware of your body’s response. Notice where any tension is building up or being held in your body. Place your hand there and breathe. You can do this without anyone noticing. If you are alone, you might allow your body to move into whatever position it wants to. Just go there with it and breathe. This is an opportunity to honor your body’s amazing ability to survive under the most challenging conditions. Thank your body and reassure it that it is safe.

    Much in the same way that our reptilian brain reacts from habit or programming, our emotions can cause us to respond automatically in ways we learned early in life. As adults, especially in business, we are always being told to keep our feelings in check, keep our emotions out of our decisions. The fact remains that they are a functioning part of human life and must be acknowledged if we are to become ‘cause’ and not ‘effect’. Examining our feelings can be helpful in making wholistic decisions.

    The second step in this process is to recognize the emotions that come up around the decision you are making. You may find that your feelings are connected to your physical reaction, or not. If possible, close your eyes, then ask, “What is just one emotion I am feeling right now?” Then address that emotion directly by asking “[Feeling], what do you need?” Don’t change anything—just quietly notice the answer. All emotions are valid and deserve to be acknowledged. Is this need something that must be met by the decision you are making? Your feelings may or may not be appropriate in your decision-making process. By acknowledging your feelings, you can move past the automatic responses. This can take the pressure of fulfilling your emotional needs off the decision. When your most basic physical and emotional needs are met, you can function from your higher levels of perception.

    The human mind is a complex system that includes memory, reasoning and ideas, among others. Just like the physical body and the emotions, the mind is a tool for us to use in experiencing life and relating to others. It is a tool that is being refined and honed our whole lives. It is like a computer—some of the programs are hidden behind the scenes to run the basic functions, some are used daily in our life tasks, others we have acquired are not useful to us in particular, and some may even be harmful. When assessing the role of the mind in our wholistic decision-making process, it is helpful to remember that the mind can only process information according to its programming. The mind never really has the whole picture.

    The next steps in this process address the complexities of the different parts of the mind. First, ask, “Memory, what information do I already have to help make the decision?” Make a list of pertinent information that comes forward to your conscious mind. You will be surprised at how one memory can lead to another when you are focusing on a specific task. If memories cause your attention to shift back to the physical body or emotional responses, go back to Steps 1 or 2, as needed.

    If you are trying to make a decision about something in which you have little or no experience, you may need more input in order to make a wise choice. Then you can ask, “Do I need to find out more about this?” If you have enough information, you may be able to go forward with what you do know.

    The next part of this process utilizes our wonderful capability for reasoning. Ask, “Logic, what makes sense?” This is the time to sort your list of information from memory. Can you group certain bits of information you have based on their relevance to your decision? Can you rank them in importance to making the decision or its outcome? The creative mind may be able to see new options through this step.

    There is another part of the mind that allows us to live in harmony with each other. It is the social mind, and is where we get our sense of ethics from. When we are trying to make a decision that benefits us without taking away from another, we can use this part of the mind in our process. In his book, Whatever Happened to Justice, (Bluestocking Press, 1993) Richard J. Maybury presents two fundamental, natural laws underlying all other laws created by mankind. They are:
    1. Do all you have agreed to do; and 2. Do not encroach on other persons or their property.
    When assessing the ethics of your decision, ask, “Social Mind, is this decision in agreement with the two natural laws?”

    There is one more aspect of the mind that is meant to ensure our survival: the ego. Its job is to move us on through life by giving us a sense of self-importance. It is a common misperception that the ego is who we really are. That is the ego just doing its job. We are so much more than the physical body, feelings, thought processes and ego. The sum of the parts does not even come close to being the Whole. How can we sidestep the ego and make our final decision from the True Self? Ask, “Heart (or Spirit), what would unconditional love do in this situation?” Here is where you will find a decision that gives you peace and the confidence to go forward.

    As you practice this technique over time, you will notice how easy it becomes to peel away the outer layers of your perception to reveal your True Self and get to the heart of the matter. The questions to ask in the Wholistic Decision-Making Process are:
    1. Body, what is dangerous in this moment? What do you want to do?
    2. Feeling, what do you need?
    3. Memory, what information do I already have? Do I need more information?
    4. Logic, what makes sense?
    5. Social Mind, is this decision in agreement with Maybury’s two natural laws?
    6. Heart (or Spirit), what would unconditional love do?

    This technique separates the components of humanness from your True Beingness. It ultimately provides you with a heightened point of view from which you can observe all of the influences and options and make a decision that meets the needs of your whole self in harmony with Life.

    Patti Towhill is a holistic counselor and energy medicine practitioner in Atlanta, GA. Patti is offering a FREE TELECLASS for Byregion Healers New



  424.  #424Daria on August 11, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    this feels so helpful to tweak from!

    my body really relaxed when i asked it stuff



  425.  #425bloom-ing on August 11, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    i’m eating potato chips with hot sauce & a big cup of water in my superheroes cup. i feel pretty cool. this is an easy zone for me. i’m “boy” on the weekend – so relaxed, no need for bossy Man lol, no men around, so no need to do girl-y things. i’m watching Cars 2 lol… i’m so boy right now… i had a beer earlier with some jalapeños filled with cheese & they were whole with the stem & battered like hush puppies so i’d like to cook those some time i feel suddenly warm washed like butter sun hello fat mama – that southern love is in the kitchen (& the girls cry & vomit in the bathrooms) ((((((((humans)))))))) it’s both ways, it’s all both ways. i’m super girl i guess cuz i’m just on my whimsy. i’m wearing a pretty skirt & pretty top with embroidery. i was wearing a prettier shirt but it’s see-through & cd is coming back soon with a friend. i’m under a blanket on the couch. i wish i’d get up & behave like a woman but i don’t want to. i wish i’d make coleslaw. i made the bed & straightened the rugs & this movie is really good & so are these chips. i put valentino hot sauce on lay’s potato chips. cd says they are “healthy” because they only have 3 ingredients. i like the salt & the crisp & the vehicle for hot. mmmmmm feel happy & fat feel really happy for the mornings & for my mama…….. i will see my grandma & my mama tomorrow…. i wonder if rori has read jiddu krishnamurti….feel silly about stuff like that… my hair’s all down & stringing gold on my belly puffing out the top of my skirt – i love my woman tummy. here we girls go – drops of ink like tears – fountain up, bxtches —- this shxt is important.. maybe…



  426.  #426AllLoveAlways on August 11, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    FW, it’s my pleasure to share what I’ve learned so far from the class. I’ve enjoyed and learned so much from what you share. I feel happy to and it also gives me an opportunity to think about my codependency issues… why I feel so happy to do this. It’s almost a compulsive need to want to please people. Not that this is an unhealthy situation for me. But, certainly interesting to observe (mindfulness in action?) my nature. And I AM very happy to share with you! I’m still very much learning, so will do my best to explain.

    For me, it was wanting to reduce my stress levels and get some balance in my off-kilter life. My struggle to quit cigs, walking on eggshells w/ D, even going on dates felt overwhelming. Almost immediately I felt so much more happier. The class is sorta a combo of zen, buddhisim and we even do yoga. Hmmm, trying to think of a way to explain mindfulness, simplified… I think it’s an awareness of our breath, thoughts and the spaces in between the thoughts is where the magic happens. And there is a myriad of health benefits too.

    For relationships specifically, I’m not sure. Here’s something from a handout in class:

    “Mindfulness is a lifetime journey along a path that ultimately leads nowhere, only to who you already are. Mindfulness, cultivated for even a few minutes, draws the heart towards itself. It invites the intimacy we yearn for and that is calling to us because, ultimately mindfulness is intimacy, with ourselves and the world.”

    I know everyone is not interested in this. My apologies for being so long winded.



  427.  #427AllLoveAlways on August 11, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Daria, that felt very helpful to me! Thanks



  428.  #428Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    He contacted me after his day with the child and asked when we could meet. It turned out he didn’t mean tonight, he is too exhausted after the last couple of days, so he was making plans in advance!!



  429.  #429Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    Blooming, I understand you are a writer, do you actually write to get published? I am asking because I find your writing to be amazing and I am not easy to please when it comes to literature:) seriously, if you are waiting to be ready for a Big Piece perhaps you don’t need to and short pieces are just as meaningful and I feel you’re so ready;)



  430.  #430Memulo on August 11, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Tereana,

    I’m with luzydel on this.. I just can’t imagine if I value someone to tell them ‘ I don’t know what I want with you’. It is not necessarily that he is not into you, he can very well be, but he is allowing himself to tell you not to rely on him. In my experience when this happened to me the only thing that helped was to stop any contact.



  431.  #431Nik on August 11, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    Hello. I wanted to get some advice on my “speech” and I couldn’t find the blog post where I’d meant to share this so I hope it’s alright to do so here.

    My situation is this: I was seeing a man for a short time, it was all pretty fast, we fell in love, he was amazing in every sense, and then I make some very big mistakes that I think I’m too embarassed to admit here. Bottom line, he broke up with me, got back with me, broke up with me again, and then when I pleaded to get him back again he said he just can’t do it anymore and maybe one day we could try again but not now. That he had really wanted it to work and that’s why we got back together after the first time but he can’t be in relationship like this (ie. someone who did the stupid things I did).

    Since then we’ve been friends. Strictly. I tried to force the “us” talk after things we’re going well again and he completely shut off for about a week. He came around again and since then I have been overexerting myself most of the time, and sometimes I’ll back off. He tried to fool around with me but I told him know and he apologized and said he understood why I wouldn’t because we don’t really know what’s going on with us. I said I appreciate his understanding and that was really the end of that convo. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, I sleep over at his place (we also have 2 cats we adopted together when he was my bf that both live with him), he’s done some things that make me think we’re going places again slowly but surely, and then not so much. We flirt and have serious conversations and help eachother talk through other things in our lives (not about “us”). At times it really feels like we’re together (minus kissing and sex) and it all feel great for the most part. But I can’t keep denying that my needs and wants are not being met. I want to be back together with him, I want him to adore me again and be intimate and be courted. I also need to stop feeling like I have to CONTROL and then feel resentment towards him because I cannot.

    Fast forward to today: I have not heard from him the past 2 days. We, for the most part, talk every single day and see eachother 3-5 times per week usually. There will be occassional times where a day or 2 will go by and (I let him inititate contact then). The last couple of times we hung out everything was great. About this now 2 days of no contact — I am not worried, it happens.

    I did some searching and came across Rory. I purchased the ebook and read the whole thing today..I couldn’t put it away. A lot of feelings came up and I cried 3 times, once for joy during one of the exercises when I imagined the perfect day, and twice at times when I felt my mistakes have ruined things with this amazing man who I feel is so “right”.

    While a lot of what I read turned on my light switch, I’m also feeling confused about what I read and hesistant. I know for sure I need to get back to focusing on me. I have been out of that mode for a while now. I also need to stop making everything about him – harder to do than say I’m guessing. At least for me, right now.

    I feel I should take this important step and start putting to practice what I have just learned and am still trying to process and sort through in my mind. My first order of business, I see it fit to deliver a speech. I am worried and scared because the last time I did this it didn’t go over well at all, granted I said all the wrong things. Regardless, I feel safer NOT doing it in person, and instead expressing myself in a text message (although impersonal and childlike as this sounds to me) especially since we haven’t talked in a couple of days. And I don’t want to do the “can we meet up and talk” for I feel like that builds anticipation and tension given our history with this kind of conversation. Anyway, here is the speech I have come up with. Please provide your feedback on this and anything else you picked up on in my long venting of a message. : ) Thanks.


    Hey. I’ve felt nervous to say something to you lately because that last time it didn’t go well. I feel better saying it this way.
    I’m not comfortable with our situation. I know you’re apprehensive about us getting back together and I don’t want to push you or try to convince you of anything. But I feel confused and uneasy. I don’t like feeling like I’m on hold.
    I want a relationship and something serious that has a future, not just a friends whose bed I sleep in. I still have very real feelings for you and we can still see eachother but I need to be open to other possibilities.
    What do you think?

    ___
    JUST AS I WAS TYPING THIS TO ALL OF YOU, he texted me “hi”
    Funny how that happens. Anyway, the quicker the feedback I get on this the better… I have a feeling he’s going to ask me to come over and hang out (it’s 9:30pm) and as per usual, expect me to sleepover. I don’t think I should….but I’m unsure of my next steps in this situation.

    Go over there and hang out like usual, and deliver my speech as I announce I’m going home and will not spend the night?
    Or, just send him my speech now via text and start the lean back process and self-discovery this very minute.



  432.  #432Emoticon on August 11, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    So i just got back from an overnight stay with a CD at a hotel. It was a very nice hotel BUT i dont feel good about the overall stay. I did get to relax and to watch cartoon catch up on my sleep etc. I got a nice massage from him and he was very affectionate. We even took a shower together and soaped each other up.

    Now let me be clear, he is not the most physically attractive person to me so maybe that also set him up for failure but I thought I should give ti a chance anyway.

    He told me to pack nothing, he would bring everything, just bring myself. When he said everything, he meant eveything…. down to a toothbrush (even if i walked with one just in case).

    He went down on me last night and got some really nice room service and we slept naked so i didnt need clothes but when he was in the shower the next morning i did peek and see that he packed me a whole suitcase full of brand new clothes.

    He gave me a new swim suit to go swimming in the morning but didnt get any more food or give me a new outfit to wear so I was in my towel all day :(. Then when we were leaving I had to ASK for something to put on and he put a dress over me (very nice dress) but I was sort of annoyed that I had to ask. We eventually got to eat something at 7pm (even if i expressed my hunger all day long and ended up snacking on chocolate until then).

    During dinner he blatantly told me that he did not give me any more of the clothes because I am selfish in the bedroom and did not return the favor when he went down on me. I really felt disgusted by that liek today was a whole big day of punishment and that f*ckin sucks. I never ASKED him to do it, he did it because he wanted to. I just want no type of relationship with this man, because it feels like i have to trade sexual favors for good treatment and that just feels so UNromantic, I have never heard more BULL in all my 22 years.



  433.  #433Radlove on August 11, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    Miss Stix,

    375 – Thank you very much! I really appreciate you taking the time to do that with my profile, and for your feedback! I will give it some thought and give you feedback later. Not really ready to repost right yet, and I’m getting a lot of responses already, more than I can handle.

    You are most of all right about not saying “any legal age”. For real, I didn’t expect all the responses from 24 year olds and even one 74 year old! My goodness!

    I just got home after a long day out so don’t feel ready to focus on it too much right now.



  434.  #434Butterfly Wings on August 11, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    347 Dancing Siren – I have a couple:

    1. Breakfast burritos – egg or just egg whites scrambled, spinach and tomato, in a wholegrain wrap.

    2. No fat yogurt, one apple and a tablespoon of crushed walnuts, all mixed together.



  435.  #435Butterfly Wings on August 11, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    364 LiliBee – I like what you said to him there. It looks VERY much like the kind of thing I should be saying to TH.

    xxx



  436.  #436Layla on August 11, 2012 at 8:22 pm

    @#6 Radlove:Great advice from Femine Woman.



  437.  #437Butterfly Wings on August 11, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Tereana and others who responded to her – TH told me early on that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.

    Looking back, I’ve worked out it’s because he just has a MUCH slower timeline than I do – plus he wasn’t really compelled to offer me more.

    The night he did make it official, was the night that I was 100% prepared to walk away from him and was getting ready to tell him it was over.

    He probably guessed that if he didn’t step up, he’d lose me – so he decided that keeping his freedom was much less important than keeping me.

    I suppose that’s why CDing is such a good thing – it keeps your options open and it spreads your focus so it’s not just on one guy. xxx



  438.  #438Radlove on August 11, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Emoticon,

    431 – EWWW! That is horrible! That is so sick! It started out so beautiful, so idyllic! What a jerk!

    I feel sad for your precious heart.



  439.  #439MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Kickin’ around in a football jersey brings thoughts of hogh-school-cheerleader-ra-ra-ra! I had such a roly poly loungy nap, and feeling lavish. Gonna have drinks with the man and eat and watch “Wanderlust”. I’ve decided this whole day and night is about leaning back. I get to…Broken girl with aches and pains. So stiff. Look left…Nope. Look righ…Nope. Can’t do it. Ewww dizzy! Sasquatch looks with his whole upper torso. I turn like sasquatch. I want to write in my journal…I don’t. I don’t want to be asked to read from it again. He can stop asking now! Keep saying no…Spew these thoughts and feelings out into letters and words and pen and paper. I don’t want to hear them out loud from my mouth to his ears. Type them out and he’s less likely to ask. I’m not feeling playful enough to be mysterious. As if if I said no to him now it would be hiding something. I want to eat and laugh at a movie and not speak with fingers twirling in my hair on my head in his lap…Hmmmm That looks nice in my head and feels light on my shoulders.



  440.  #440Rori Raye on August 11, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    Nik – I’m not sure what “stupid things” you did – but – have you worked to eliminate those? Or are they not really so stupid?ARe these things we can help you with? If you want to redo this – don’t go over there. Don’t get in your car and drive to him. Either he comes to you or not. AND Circular Date, please. Love, Rori



  441.  #441Nik on August 11, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Here is what I did that I said was stupid:
    1. I invaded his privacy and looked through his phone
    2. I freaked out when he told me his ex showed up to discuss their breakup and get closure and I even went over there in a rage. I didn’t take it any further than that but my actions scared him and I was obviously not in control of my emotions.

    We are either always at his place (because I live at home with my parents), or he will take me out and we go back his place. My options are to go there, or go out. The past couple of months he has been studying really hard and with long hours to take an exam to advance in his career, which didn’t leave much time (or energy on his part) to do much “fun” stuff outside of the home. He did take me out a few times but most often we just got dinner, I drove to his place, and slept over, the mornings after he’s off to work while I sleep-in and shower, eat, play with our cats, relax, etc. all at his place. And leave mid-morning and start my day. I do not have keys to his place, however. Just a parking pass lol

    Knowing the circumstances I’ve shared (that coming to my place as not really an option, and my prior mistakes) does that make any difference on how to move forward? I feel nervous and unsure HOW to change the current situation. EX: we have an understanding that we go out and/or go to his place, and I always sleep over. How to I pull back out of that. I feel like the first time I say I’m not sleeping over I’m not how to express why I won’t. Or if he asks me if I want to come over, which means drive to his place, do I suggest I’m not driving to see him and if he wants me to come over to pick me up instead? Or do I suggest we go out somewhere (which has him drive to me) and then asked to be taken home instead of going back to his place?

    Maybe you can clarify a few of these things for me.

    Much appreciated! I’m enjoying learning about all of this very much.



  442.  #442luzydel on August 11, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    Nik,

    You need to have some time for yourself, It seems you care more about how he feels than your own feelings. Pamper yourself, take a long bath, go out with friends and give this a break; don’t ask him what he thinks about you dating others, he broke up with you, he doesn’t need an explanation, nor you need his permission.

    It feels like you have made this guy the center of your life; time to get back to you; you are the one who needs the space right now.



  443.  #443luzydel on August 11, 2012 at 9:46 pm

    My suggestions felt masculine… hmm I kinda like to show my masculine side sometimes 🙂



  444.  #444nik on August 11, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    Luzydel..good point. If I focus on me and leave him be without sharing my feelings…I don’t think I’d be making progress with us. Am I coming at this from the wrong angle by looking at it that way?

    How do I express my sudden complete shift in behavior which I know he will ask about. Is that only time when I should opt to share my speech? And until he prompts it, I just don’t make time for him, say I don’t feel like hanging out with him, or don’t want to do anything he suggests, that I already have plans, etc..?



  445.  #445Butterfly Wings on August 11, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    The trick is to make sure you ARE busy, nik.

    So when he invites you over, you really do have other plans.

    That’s what CDing is all about – raising your degree of difficulty and therefore your value.

    xxx



  446.  #446Butterfly Wings on August 11, 2012 at 11:15 pm

    TH asked to see me again tonight (he asked me on Friday), and I’m not sure what we were going to do – just hang out I suppose.

    I think he must have just got home from his night away (he’s just appeared online), and he’s not messaged me yet to discuss time etc, so I am going to go about my afternoon, assuming he won’t contact me at all. I’m going to go and buy the ingredients to cook a yummy roast dinner regardless! 🙂

    My daughter won’t be home either – she’s going to stay with her grandparents for the night, so it’ll be just me and the dogs.

    I’m sure he will contact me, but it’s been soooo long since I last cooked a roast that I really don’t care if I see him tonight or not.

    Haha I am happier to have food than him!

    This IS progress, because there’s NO way I’m giving up this dinner! 😀



  447.  #447Sunshine on August 11, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Hello Sirens
    I am new to all of this, but I so enjoy the blogs I have been reading the past month in hopes of helping me improve me, my marriage and mostly me! I have Rory’s reconnect your relationship CDs that I try to listen to. I get it, (do I?) but have trouble doing it! I slip back to the insecurity, trigger-induced fights and neediness. It’s tough to juggle work, nightschool, daughter & activities, household, hubby and me. (sadly in that order!)
    Thanks for inspiring me!



  448.  #448Sunshine on August 11, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Hello Sirens
    I am new to all of this, but I so enjoy the blogs I have been reading the past month in hopes of helping me improve me, my marriage and mostly me! I have Rory’s reconnect your relationship CDs that I try to listen to. I get it, (do I?) but have trouble doing it! I slip back to the insecurity, trigger-induced fights and neediness. It’s tough to juggle work, night-school, daughter & activities, household, hubby and me. (sadly in that order!)
    Thanks for inspiring me!



  449.  #449MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    BW your words resonate! I watched a good movie and it was nice but if I had tonight alone i’d be watching the meteor showers and connecting with the universe!

    I will spend tomorrow night at home, alone. There are meteors tomorrow! Feels exciting and fun!



  450.  #450MissStix on August 11, 2012 at 11:51 pm

    G is not adventurous the way I am. We have a music festival weekend in 2 weeks. We went last year, and it was INCREDIBLE! I know he will let loose and have a good time and be free…But on a regular basis he’s such a home body. That is ok. I love him and accept that, but I can’t loose that part of me again. I am firm. I will continue to persue my passions in my own if need be.

    That feels cleansing and comforting and freeing.



  451.  #451Dancing siren on August 12, 2012 at 1:44 am

    Subscribing



  452.  #452Butterfly wings on August 12, 2012 at 3:35 am

    MissStix – yes I want to watch the meteor shower too! It’s cold here though so I might just turn out the lights and look out the window!

    TH is here, so yep he contacted me eventually. I told him I was cooking a roast and he was welcome to join me. Of course he said yes! He’s not silly!

    I think he’ll end up staying the night too – things have been a bit “steamy” around here… Lol

    I’m still not sure where this is going to go, but we are definitely getting on a LOT better than we were and we’re also talking more.

    Time will tell on this one. We have agreed to talk about the relationship again in 4 weeks. So until then I will just go with the flow as long as it feels good. 🙂



  453.  #453Femininewoman on August 12, 2012 at 3:35 am

    Emoticon I believe it is time you got clear on what you are looking for or wanting and what message you are sending out. The post does not read like a relationship situation to me. Though I don’t know the whole story it felt like a pay for favors hook up to me. I feel concerned about you taking care of yourself and not bein so available for these guys.



  454.  #454Femininewoman on August 12, 2012 at 3:40 am

    BW it seems from over here that he is not really getting a chance to miss you so he knows for sure he wants you in his life. He is working to keep things normal because that is easy for him and he is getting what he wants regardless of what he says.



  455.  #455Butterfly wings on August 12, 2012 at 3:49 am

    FW I totally get what you’re saying. He and I won’t see each other much, if at all this coming week anyway, because I don’t want him coming over while my daughter’s here or it will confuse her.

    So he will have plenty of time to miss me this week which I know is a good thing!



  456.  #456Femininewoman on August 12, 2012 at 4:00 am

    BW it reminds me of Turquiose and C it then actually started dating. Confidence will allow him to go do what he says he want to do. I believe it were me I would see him outside the home and outside the steamy. In other words when he turned toward me it would have to be proper dates. I believe I would tell him I would feel more comfortable going on dates if he wants to continue seeing me. What is happening is pretense that there is a relationship.