Are You Too Smart For A Man?

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Are you feeling like you’re too smart for a man?

Like you have to hold yourself back and make yourself small?

All of my clients who came to me “hung up” on a man are so much more brilliant, beautiful and successful than the men they’re hung up on.

Is this a pattern of yours?

Are you drawn to men with “black clouds” hanging over their heads?

Not necessarily bad boys, but wounded boys?

Love, Rori

 

 

 

 

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1 Comments

  1.  #1April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Yes! I’m finding this…



  2.  #2Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Sometimes I do because I have been an achiever all my life



  3.  #3April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 7:01 am

    I’m practicing going deep into my feelings in their company.
    Makes me feel good about myself. Especially with new men. I have no history with them, so I can start right away being in feeling, sensual, present moment awareness.



  4.  #4April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 7:15 am

    I feel as if my new date sometimes ‘tests’ me about my smartness and capability. I feel like giggling. I say “oh, I don’t know about any of that stuff!”
    I could so easily take the bait and get into a technical or political discussion. But I feel turned off by that these days.



  5.  #5Brenda on January 5, 2012 at 7:21 am

    He is smarter than me, but he’s wounded.

    I’m out w my Mom at a doctor appt and then a second effort to get my license renewed after technical difficulties yesterday.

    Missing Ryan, and he’s got me salivating like one of Pavlov’s dog.



  6.  #6memulo on January 5, 2012 at 7:57 am

    FW, and so you don’t stay with these men, you are trying to find equals? For the long-term?



  7.  #7Mel on January 5, 2012 at 8:03 am

    I feel all melty….

    I had an awesome experience sharing positive complimentary FMs yesterday.

    I told Mr. A…

    Me: “S*x feels so good with you. And I think it’s because you make me feel so relaxed and comfortable.”

    Him: I’m so glad you feel that way. Is it because you trust me?

    Me: “Yes, for sure. But it’s more than that. It’s just the way you are with me. And the way I feel around you.”

    Then he just said Awwwwwww and made a purring-like noise and gave me the biggest squeeze.



  8.  #8Liz on January 5, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Hi,

    What a great question…..I like accountantCD because he IS smarter than me and I know he could really open me up with his focussed male attention…..but he is preoccupied with a dark cloud, an unfulfilling relationship, so that makes me smarter than him? Because I am more conscious? Thanks…this is true and I feel like intending to the universe that i receive conscious and loving male attention!



  9.  #9Liz on January 5, 2012 at 8:05 am

    Hi Daria,

    I answered your posts to me on the previous blog….sorry i missed them….completely get what you are saying about the intake form…..skip that and just send me your email? that is if you want to contact me?
    Hugs,
    Liz



  10.  #10Emerson on January 5, 2012 at 8:05 am

    I think people have different types of intelligence. If I’m “smarter” in one area, others are better at something else or more knowledgable. That’s what makes relationships interesting (friendships or romantic ones) because we learn from one another.

    I feel that wounded men are drawn to ME…I may not even KNOW that they are wounded at first…but they pursue me hotly. Some have damaging and hurtful behaviors due to their wounds…

    But I’m hoping to shift that attraction because it’s too exhausting for me. They find something comforting in me and want me to sort of be their “mommy” and make it all ok. I am very nurturing and affectionate. But with that sometimes would come my “boy hat”…

    But I don’t want to be mommy to them.

    I want to be wife and partner and lover and siren and goddess.

    Perhaps as I’m becoming more sireny I will change my attraction pattern. Right now, I’m in a bit of a dry spell. So I don’t know what I’m attracting right now.
    We shall see.



  11.  #11mali on January 5, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Yes, I do feel this way sometimes. It’s one of the best things about me.

    But I can use that in talking with men- in conversation. My empathy of other people, my emotional intelligence, makes me the great person that I am.

    I’m just more careful of how I show it with men.

    I don’t get into arguments with them. Instead, I listen to them when sharing things, when sharing knowledge, and I absorb it. And I praise them for it. If I’m told things that were contrary to what I thought, I react in wonder. I love how I can integrate the feminine in all of this.



  12.  #12mali on January 5, 2012 at 8:18 am

    @Brenda: From the previous thread- I’m glad my post helped you. I used to be an extreme people pleaser, and I have to be quite careful now that what I do is for me… to get in touch with ME, and see how I feel, and gently say no when I don’t want to do something.

    I do find it difficult, but I’ve made a lot of progress… and I do find it difficult, with many things, to find a balance. But that is one of our challenges. And we are so much better off and aware being here and KNOWING that this is one of our issues, and of knowing how to heal this.

    Love to you!



  13.  #13Starla on January 5, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Hi, I had sex with CF. We couldn’t wait any longer. I tried, lol, but even with my roommate 5 feet away on the other side of a joke of a wall (poor girl, we’ll never do that to her again lol), we couldn’t stop ourselves..

    it was wonderful but i look forward to when i can breathe as loud as i want to and we can shake the bed lol.

    i wasn’t “ready” emotionally how i thought i needed to be, but i felt fine after, and i feel fine this morning. oddly, LESS attached than before. more peaceful, if anything. i realized that i can just always tell him how i’m feeling moving forward about sex, especially if i’m feeling uncomfortable or pressured.

    i hope he finds us a hotel room or something soon, lol



  14.  #14Starla on January 5, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Yes, all my men have clouds over their heads. Me too, in a way, but my light shines very bright. I find that I have nothing in common with the non-cloudy men. They like me fine but they never “get” me.

    Now I look for the right balance of light and cloudiness. Dating metalheads with decent jobs has delivered this to me, lol.



  15.  #15Lizka on January 5, 2012 at 8:38 am

    Awww Starla i’m happy that you feel good after sex with CF. :$



  16.  #16Mel on January 5, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Yay Starla!

    “We couldn’t wait any longer. I tried, lol, but …, we couldn’t stop ourselves..”

    That’s how it happened with me too. I’m glad I waited and didn’t jump into things too soon, but one day it just happened and it felt great afterwards. I was also surprised that I even felt a little LESS attached. A little release of sexual tension sometimes goes a long way. 😉



  17.  #17Liz on January 5, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Sounds great Starla to go with the flow and let it satisfy you……sounds soooooo good…….



  18.  #18Lizka on January 5, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Hi ladies!

    I’m writing live from the airport! I’m going home!!! Yay!! I don’t feel regretfull about my family trip. I don’t feel like something was broke (like I said a few days ago) with my father. Aftrr a deep examination of my soul, I just realize that I guess there is people so different then you that you just can’t stay around and feel good. Is that possible? Is that being judgemental? Two days before we left, I heard my step mother tell her son that I was “mean. Mean and just crying all the time.”. She didn’t know i was there. I don’t think step mothers are suppose to think or say this about the child oftheir loved ones. those of you who have kids, wouldn’t you feel weird earing your lover say something like that? I don’t think I can love that woman. But I forced myself to be nice anyway, justfor my father, because he seems so sad.

    Jilly, if you ever read this, your idea worked wonderfuly. For the last two days I had left in Florida, I focus on what I wrote that night and it made me feel better and helped me enjoy the rest of my vacation.

    But finaly I’m far from my step mother, I’ll be home in less than 6 hours!! I still feel guilty for leaving the rest of the family (well… My father at least) drive all the way back to Canada. I feel guilty for having the money to travel by plane… But I know I shouldn’t. My father is a big boy, and he is with his girlfriend. I think he thinks I’m mad at him and that makes me feel sad because I am not.

    Ok lets think of something fun because thinking of my father makes me feel teary.

    Yay! I can’t wait to be home. Can’t wait to see my mom. To pet my dog. To call my friends. To go back to work. To do my grosserie. To circular date again!!!!! Yaaaaaay! I’m happy and glad I survived these vacation. I think I’ve learn a lot.



  19.  #19Lizka on January 5, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Ahhh I can’t wait to circular date. I have this little nasty voice thought. She tells me that my CDs will not try to reconnect with me after 2.5 weeks of being away…



  20.  #20Starla on January 5, 2012 at 8:55 am

    thank you Mel and Lizka:)

    I realized this morning that I was trapping myself in this idea that once we started having sex, i was obligated to always have it with him, and that would be all we ever do because we already can’t keep our hands off of each other.

    but then i was like, “oh wait, this is all up to me and how i feel.”

    i would really really really like it if he would get us a hotel or something so i can have sex FOR REAL with him.

    i thought i would feel like eternally attached but i really really don’t. it’s weird… i always feel more attached and more insecure after. maybe this “no big deal” feeling is how it’s supposed to feel?



  21.  #21Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Mermulo I am not sure what your question is connected to but just to let you know I am allowing everyone who wants to come close to do so, while I get closer and closer to what I am sure I want for the longterm. It seems I learn something new in every interaction.



  22.  #22Starla on January 5, 2012 at 8:59 am

    thanks liz, it felt weird to go with the flow and not be a control freak about it.

    i felt scared a little bit because i wanted us to have this earth shattering moment, esp. since he predicted that’s how sex would be with me, but instead it was like…shhhhh don’t be too loud. lol. like kids.

    MORE. i want more!!!!!!!!!!

    hahah i also felt concerned that i didn’t have that lustful feeling for CF when I woke up, but i guess that was only temporary.



  23.  #23Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 9:13 am

    ooohhh, I am feeling so much better today. Finally getting out of my funk.

    Abraham really helped me to get back in the vortex.

    I just downloaded the Flylady audiobook and I’m going to listen to it while cleaning.

    The weather here has been amazing lately. It feels like spring.

    Things are feeling better between sweetie and I. The last week has been kind of rough.

    Yay, I love me. Everything is gonna be okay.



  24.  #24Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 9:14 am

    T girl and FW from previous post

    thanks for your thoughts…..maybe sadness is there……this LD relationship doesn’t feel like past relationships….it feels more real and grounded…which is good…we are in mid life so reality is here……it sometimes is hard to hold the joy or it feels dampened or short lived….that’s ok…..I have seen so much pain in my life working in prisons, mental hospitals……in my work now……..a lot of people suffering and some they do to themselves…their thought patterns are relentless…they are so reactive…

    I think that’s what I was experiencing on siren island…..yesterday….sirens turning on themselves…turning against each other……

    it made me sad

    xo



  25.  #25Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Lizka….safe travels to you….

    xo



  26.  #26Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 9:22 am

    RE 24 Unfortunately, sometimes we lose sight of the bigger picture.



  27.  #27April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Starla,

    I know what you mean about wanting that first sex experience to feel earth-shattering.

    Waiting a while before having sex also means to me that the run-up is gloriousy intense and anticipatory and full of excitement. Sometimes I wonder if the lead-up is the best time of all. Like Christmas Eve!



  28.  #28Lizka on January 5, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Aurora thank you! I’m back to our dear Canada. 🙂



  29.  #29Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Do I feel too smart for a man?

    I have. When I do my ego is in full gear. I might feel good for a while…..but it feels like a protective wall.

    Instead I like to think we all have things we’re good at, things we know, things we don’t know, some stuff we learned in school, some stuff we learned in life…..and we all have healing to do on some level or another…this I think is true.

    I don’t think we have to be matched on things….for example my LD did not finish high school and left home in his teens to work. This was common in the 60s, not so much today maybe. He learned a trade and makes good money now as a seniour employee in an industry that’s doing really well right now. He’s a hard worker and a jack of all other trades…….he’s a good cook, has his black belt in martial arts and is a good dad to his grown son and loves his mom and his sister’s family. He’s never been married and he lives 6 1/2 hours away (sorry T-girl or FW I meant to share that with you when you asked). He is amazing at yoga and pilates and is very funny

    Me….lol I have a PhD, work with people in the mental health field, worked in prisons, etc and now privately. I taught at university. I like to cook too, I like to think I’m a good parent and a hard worker. I can’t stretch to save my life but will try the yoga. I like to run. I was married for 17 years and have 3 kids under the age of 18.

    If one tried to match us on paper it would be a no go. But eharmony matched us based on our values and preferences and bingo. Most relationship coaches and literature suggest its values and stuff anyway that holds a relationship together.

    And I think Rori is right on….it’s how you feel with each other and how open you are …..

    and I believe none of it’s written on any one’s forehead….you have to get to know someone to see for yourself!!!

    xo
    Aurora



  30.  #30lk on January 5, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Do I feel too smart for my man?

    Not this guy, actually lol… he & I know about very different things… but… we have a ton of overlapping interests…. so…… we just go back & forth like, well that’s amazing & did you know this alternative method for achieving the same goal ? oh, yes, i can imagine that because of X chemical reaction & oh yes, did you know about this to improve that & no i hadn’t heard that wow thank you



  31.  #31Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 10:10 am

    FW from last post

    being vulnerable instead of being strong…….baby stepping away from patterns……..

    so……soft on the outside…..strong on the inside?



  32.  #32Camille on January 5, 2012 at 10:45 am

    I dont necessarily feel “smarter”…but alot of times with many men when they are trying to suggest that I do something else or it would help if you did this….I feel like……How can you be so arrogant to assume what is best for me. When I have made the decision based on what I feel and what is good for me!” Many times I feel I know what is best for me….and they couldnt possibly because they dont know me.

    Hmmmm something interesting to really sink into



  33.  #33Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 10:52 am

    32 Camille

    oh I can so relate! I think it depends on their delivery sometimes….if they insist their way is better….that feels icky…but if they mention it kinda like you say lk……then I feel more receptive to it……

    funny this past NYE my LD and I were in the liquor store getting a few things…..I love a certain type of cream liqueur on ice, in coffee, etc. And I picked up a small bottle….my LD said….”Oh you have to try this…..and directed me to another type/brand”….of course I was polite and said “sure we can try that”……..and I put the other one back…..but right then and there a part of me felt left out…..and left behind…….so as we returned back towards the cash I picked up a tiny bottle of my favourite and made a game of it and said…..”hmmm we should try a taste test for fun”………which we did later…but it was also my way of standing up for myself because I know what I like….

    hee hee hee ……mine is still my favourite….

    xo



  34.  #34Camille on January 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Come to think of it, I dont respond well to unsolicited advice from men. I dont like their advice unless I have asked for it. I should heal this …. giving advice doesnt mean someone is arrogant…..hmmm where has this come from?



  35.  #35Camille on January 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

    This has to stem from my ex-husband who every time told me what to do and I listened against my better judgement I ended up in a mess. And fixing a situation that I knew in my gut wasnt a good idea…but thats my fault because I DIDNT HONOR MY FEELINGS….I let him coerce me….and I caved because I had old belief’s that men should lead.

    My father is a brilliant man and in my perspective rarely makes poor decisions so I listened to him alot….but he never gives advice unless I ask

    So its alot about me being willing to recieve I think?



  36.  #36Camille on January 5, 2012 at 11:00 am

    Aurora Girl
    I would have felt the same way….but Kudos for you for getting the one you wanted too….in the past I wouldnt have done that, but I think in the same situation now I would have done what you do. I love the way you made it playful and into a taste test game though! How sireny



  37.  #37Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

    35 Camille

    I can relate to an ex husband being controlling…I also dated a man for a short while who just made it a habit of sarcastically joking that women don’t know what they’re doing….oh yuk…..

    I think all kinds of people (men and women) are out there wanting to give advice….some are controlling…some do it by habit…..some know what they’re doing….some clearly NOT!

    I’m similar to you…I prefer to not be given advice unless I ask…..but sometimes people assume I want it or maybe I give off some body language that I’m asking..?

    I make it playful as a way to not hurt someone’s feelings I guess…and so they don’t get defensive when it’s not necessary….or maybe to be open?

    I really like being around someone who waits for me to ask……….and I like when they know what they are talking about and share it openly without a big ego….yay!



  38.  #38lk on January 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

    CDcd called me last night after i went to do my grandmother’s nails. we chatted for an hour while i cleaned my house : ))) looks much much better now.

    & also i felt really good reading Dominique’s article this morning about letting go of Drama : ) since last night & yesterday i was practicing just being like, oh, lk, you want to be upset about that ? why ?? you know that you invented that problem, right ? & it was actually pretty amazing : ) i know – like Hard Factual Evidence – that the 2 things i was freaking out about are NOT REAL…. so it was funny that i was like… practicing making feeling messages around them : ) it was nice to just say, ohhh lk that’s just imaginary : )

    also, it was nice when he said, “i hope i can put my new clothes together in a way that looks nice” & i said, “you will look good….. you look good” : ) i’m nice lol

    &&&…. um he wants to go to this thing for my co-worker that i was nervous about going to alone : ) & then he’s making reservations for us to go to the fun place for dinner & i can wear my new pretty dress & be cute with my shaved armpits & legs : )))



  39.  #39Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 11:30 am

    39 lk

    “& i can wear my new pretty dress & be cute with my shaved armpits & legs : )))”

    too cute!!!!

    hope you have a blast!



  40.  #40Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 11:38 am

    No, not hung up on that…I’m just as brilliant. I’m looking for a yummy, comfy guy not a bad guy. Of course, we could be a little naughty together…
    😀



  41.  #41Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 11:42 am

    From previous thread (oh, will I ever catch up??? I’m writing off-line so maybe my comments are no longer relevant…)

    @561: Brenda says:
    “SLV,
    RE: #556 – Thanks! I’m mostly sugar free at this point! Been doing it for a few weeks! Is this what you are referring to?..”

    It was the 28-day program in Oprah’s magazine. I’ve been trying to find the magazine. I want a little formalized “kicking off” for 2012. And “28 days” covers the remaining days in january…or maybe up to first week February if I start by this weekend.

    Update: I found it! Lots of little inspiring things to do. I’ve always loved the “quick start small” kind of projects… one of my “trademarks.”
    .



  42.  #42Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 11:44 am

    @763: Emerson says:
    “I’m trying to make that cute blush face that SLV always does…”

    : oops : without spaces = 😳

    : cry : without spaces = 😥

    8 ) without space = 8)

    Enjoy. 😛



  43.  #43Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    @816: Turquoise says:
    “… Oprah created an empire by working extremely hard, being driven, and NOT focusing her energy on what a man could give her…”

    Another thing to consider: Oprah Winfrey did this by being herself. Earning a living by being yourself is THE BEST!

    Making my way by… being ME!

    SLV



  44.  #44Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 11:47 am

    @1002: Ella

    I commented on that topic for anyone who was looking for a little more information.

    🙂



  45.  #45siren song on January 5, 2012 at 11:51 am

    this is me. i sometimes feel really bored and not turned on when i’m with stable, nice men. i want to heal this.



  46.  #46April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 11:58 am

    I feel lonely and needy.

    Got a cold in my nose… it won’t stop running… ugh.

    Spent the last two days thinking about a man – my new date, EM. I told him it felt good that he’s taken the pressure off. But now I miss his frequent calls.
    A voice in my head – my Dad’s? – says “typical woman. Can’t make up your mind what you want”.

    I am pleased that EM has listened and is doing what I said would make me feel better.
    Now I’m regretting it, though.

    Where is the big sexy April Rose who pays no thought to men, but puts her energy into fabulous projects?
    She’s snivelling in her pyjamas with a cold, feeling sorry for herdself and wanting to be taken care of.



  47.  #47lk on January 5, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    also… he had said earlier that he wanted to come some time to my house for the night. & last night i said, so when are you going to come over here ? : ) & he said, well you have to invite me. so i said, you’re invited. LOL & he said, well i’m not just going to invite myself over to your house. you’ll have to invite me for a specific time. so i said, ok, you want to come over tomorrow night ? & he said, you just said you wanted to be alone tomorrow… & i said, you’re right. i suppose you’ll have to find a different time to come ? & he laughed & said, ok, ok, i’ll just suggest a plan another time : )))) yayyyy lk



  48.  #48Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    April Rose sounds to me like great practice, getting to know yourself.



  49.  #49light heart on January 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Hung up on a man who is not available, willing or able, for whatever reason, to be in a loving relationship based on shared values?

    H*ll to the no way!

    No one should have to change their reality to satisfy me, and vice versa.

    If I see our potential together, but they don’t get it,
    then what’s the point?

    Well, I can’t say for sure that there will never ever be attractions of mutually compatible disowned selves, which is both familiar and exciting at the same time, but, I have a choice whether to act on it or not.

    How is it serving me?

    Am I looking for an instant remedy to a feeling of emptiness? Thrills and chills, but not much else?

    That is what makes me feel smarter/stronger than many men.
    They don’t know there is a choice.

    I like the strong on the inside, soft on the outside concept vibe for me.

    🙂
    light heart



  50.  #50April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    I actually feel bored.

    Life was much more interesting when EM was coming on strong and trying to kiss me.

    I felt out of control. Is that why I panicked? I was quite harsh “I’m not going to kiss you” I said.

    I wish I could have been calmer and explained that kissing would make me feel attached.



  51.  #51light heart on January 5, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    45 siren song,
    “this is me. i sometimes feel really bored and not turned on when i’m with stable, nice men. i want to heal this.”

    i’m helping myself heal this too. getting back the parts of myself that I disowned and pushed into the shadow in order to earn love and acceptance. to know that what excites me most about the men who are wrong for me, or ‘bad boys’, is that they are like daddy, and they give me a chance to go back and try to win daddy’s love and acceptance for me, once and for all.

    The only thing is, something lost can never be found out there.

    Love with the nice guys is exciting and un-boring, too.

    🙂



  52.  #52Dominique on January 5, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Thank you so much lk for mentioning one of my articles. I feel curious if you read it on my site or on LRR.

    If you haven’t been to my Sex and Heart site yet, I have free downloads, e-book and videos. I would love to have you drop by.

    xxoo



  53.  #53lk on January 5, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    i realized last night that when i’m around my dad i really want to be (& also *think i am*) a Boy. i feel cut-off & rejected if he acts like i’m a Girl. i feel devalued… like, hey, dad ! but aren’t we friends ??? why are you making me separate from you ?



  54.  #54Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    @5: Brenda says:
    “…Missing Ryan, and he’s got me salivating like one of Pavlov’s dog….”

    Sounds exciting, just avoid bells, and don’t drip on him… tee hee
    😀



  55.  #55lk on January 5, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    i also notice that i make my dad feel “wrong” a lot : (

    and also that i *do* have the ability to be feminine & gentle around him & that maybe that is the best way to love him & let him know that i think he is usually very “right” : ))) but… it’s hard !



  56.  #56Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    I read the article too Dominique. Really interesting take on drama. It is amazing the things that can fly under the radar of our consciousness.



  57.  #57Daria on January 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Omg! That’s right! Abraham !

    I got a vision for what I want, and it’s gonna happen.

    In all fuchkrd up right now and was thinking about killing myself … Not seriously or in detail, more like to imagine if my sister would be sad…

    My heart feels icky… I feel frustrated…

    Maybe I haven’t exercised like walked in awhile.

    I still feel tired

    Men have been contacting me and I’ve had a last minute cd every nite.

    But they don’t seem to really be hugging me…

    I dono I just feel fuchkrd up.

    I didn’t get my period when it was due last week either…

    I wish my free eft lady who was the best one I worked with would answer her emails but she’s not.

    She could help me be less fuchkrd up.

    I will probably contact Liz.



  58.  #58light heart on January 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Oh my dad and I get along great, because I understand him and his self-loathing.
    I have infinite patience with him and we laugh
    a lot together.
    I know he can’t really love anyone else unconditionally if he can’t love himself, and he projected that self-loathing on to me growing up, through no fault of his own, but I didnt know that then and I never really felt loved and accepted.

    I got that from my grandparents, and maybe a little from my mother, but she had her own issues with me, she was afraid of my psychic abilities and early sexuality.

    Being that I understand this better now, I can have more compassion for myself and the men if I get involved with them. But hopefully I won’t need to.

    🙂

    light heart



  59.  #59Daria on January 5, 2012 at 12:39 pm

    Who gives a fuchk how I feel… No one really

    I get up and check my world w a mental finger and it feels icky

    Not that my dreams were much better

    Is there anything to look forward to ?



  60.  #60Daria on January 5, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    I don’t wana smoke I feel tired of smoking.

    Then what?

    Really nothing.

    There is no one close to me.

    Oh wait yeah my cousins kinda

    I am fuchkrd up

    What do I feel ?

    Sad. Sick… Kinda like nauseous

    Weak

    I hope I don’t have cancer or something cuz I really do t feel like my energy is together to heal stuff



  61.  #61lk on January 5, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    i’ve been telling my dad all when i’m psychic & he likes it : ))) it’s kind of something special between us that he knows my mama “rejects” in me, but he is able to “accept” it for both of them : ) it’s really nice : )

    i told him about the smell thing yesterday & then… my aunt confirmed the other thing i had told him last time !!! lol

    total side-note, i was just really deeply realizing yesterday how anger & resentment & suspicion of others hurts ONLY me. not my mom, not my boyfriend, not my friend, just ME. it doesn’t Prove That I’m Right either. it just hurts.



  62.  #62siren song on January 5, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    a cd emailed me saying: ‘i don’t understand why you never call me. i wonder what a relationship counsellor would say about that. no communication. nothing.’

    ew. i feel sad and misunderstood. i told him i ‘feel good’ when he calls me. i am very receptive and open and i always respond warmly. i feel almost guilty for not chasing him. it feels gross.



  63.  #63mali on January 5, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Wow, I’m sensing negative vibes, and really sensitive.

    My boundary on POF is that I don’t share my facebook with people I’m dating or could potentially date.

    One man wrote in his profile that he wouldn’t take people seriously who didn’t want to share their facebook. That it means they can’t prove who they say they are.

    BUT I’M ME!!

    I’m 21 and a student, facebook is a normal form of communication. I’ve had quite a few ask me for my facebook and I’ve said exactly the same thing. I had a guy on POF ask about facebook… he’s cute, and at my uni as it happens.

    I’m scared I’m being prudish and uptight. It’s my boundary, but I’m feeling scared of judgements, and insecure… 🙁



  64.  #64Starla on January 5, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    it’s starting to look like i’ll work till midnight or later today, so I emailed my bosses gently asking for a way out of this fate… i feel so proud for trying to take care of me. I know how I am…I have about 10 hours of work in me and then I go a little unstable… I need to respect my own physical limitations, lol

    please everyone send me good vibes re: not having to work so late.

    🙂



  65.  #65siren song on January 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    a cd emailed me saying: ‘i don’t understand why you never call me. i wonder what a relationship counsellor would say about that. no communication. nothing.’

    ew. i feel sad and misunderstood. i told him i ‘feel good’ when he calls me. i am very receptive and open and i always respond warmly. i feel almost guilty for not chasing him. it feels gross.



  66.  #66siren song on January 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    a cd emailed me saying: ‘i don’t understand why you never call me. i wonder what a relationship counsellor would say about that. no communication. nothing.’

    ew. i feel sad and misunderstood. i told him i ‘feel good’ when he calls me. i am very receptive and open and i always respond warmly. i feel almost guilty for not chasing him. it feels gross.



  67.  #67siren song on January 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    oops! i don’t know why that posted so many times.



  68.  #68lk on January 5, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    gahh i said the B word lol & also those things actually do hurt others, just mostly me : )



  69.  #69Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    RE 62 Elle emme he is entitled as a human being to his own opinion about stuff, is what I think. I would tell him “I am just a girl here and I need lots of attention before I feel safe and taken care of. I feel drained and turned off/rensentful when I put a lot of attention on men before they give to me first. I don’t want to feel that way with you, what do you think we can do about this?”

    Just another opportunity to practice using the feel tool…..



  70.  #70Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Starla

    sending you good vibes re: not having to work so late

    🙂



  71.  #71Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    @63: mali says:
    “…I’m scared I’m being prudish and uptight. It’s my boundary, but I’m feeling scared…”

    Don’t give it a second thought, maybe don’t give that guy a second glance. You are moving in the right direction. Proceed at your own pace and don’t let guys goad or bully you into anything else.

    You only have to read some of the posts here to see how premature “FB friending” creates problems more than it solves them.

    I like a man who’s more concerned about me trusting him! etc etc

    😀



  72.  #72Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Mali he is entitled to write in his profile whatever he wants to write. It is his. People are entitled to their opinions about facebook. So are you. Do they live on facebook? Well you don’t have to.



  73.  #73siren song on January 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    yeah, FW you are right. he totally is entitled to his opinion.

    i like the feeling messages you suggested. i’ll practice using them if he contacts me again.

    thanks!



  74.  #74Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Also Mali sorry if this triggers you but if they are your age or close I would assume some level of immaturity on their part. Aside from that you are a part of the techie generation so it should be expected to a certain extent.



  75.  #75Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Starla….Done



  76.  #76Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    From Mike Robbins via the oprah.com

    How do we enhance and deepen our capacity to speak our truth with kindness, love and authenticity? There are lots of things we can do to accomplish this. Here are three to think about:

    •Stop managing other people’s feelings. I know this one well, as I can be the king of trying to manage other people’s feelings. It’s arrogant, manipulative and somewhat ridiculous to think we have the power to manage other people’s emotions. We also use it as a cop-out to not really speak our truth. We can be aware and mindful of other people and how they might feel (so we don’t end up being mean and hurtful on purpose), but when we let go of taking care of others in a condescending way, it frees us and them up to be grown-ups and have adult conversations, which sometimes can get a little sticky or tense when we’re speaking our truth.
    •Be real, not right. This is huge when it comes to speaking our truth. When we focus on winning or being right, we no longer can access the deepest places within our heart, which is where our real truth comes from. When we let go of our attachment to the outcome of a conversation, what the other person thinks and our erroneous obsession with always having to be right, we give ourselves the opportunity to get real. Being vulnerable and transparent are the key elements of speaking our truth, not dominating the conversation and the person (or people) we’re talking to.
    •Practice. Like anything and everything else in life, the best way for us to get better, deepen our capacity and grow is to practice. In this case, as we’re talking about speaking our truth, it’s not about role-playing per se (although if that helps give you the courage to have a difficult conversation, go for it). It is about speaking up and stepping into your life with your truth. Will you mess it up? Of course! Will you say the wrong things sometimes? Yes. Will people get upset, offended or defensive at times? Absolutely. This is not about being perfect, it is about being yourself and speaking authentically.

    Have empathy and compassion with yourself as you practice—this is not easy for most of us. Even for those of us who have really worked to expand our capacity to speak our truth and have had many experiences of doing it in a powerful way, remember that each situation is always new and different. And, in certain areas of life (or with specific people), speaking up can be incredibly scary and challenging for us. Even if your legs shake, your voice quivers or your heart races (all of which usually happen when we get real and vulnerable), take a deep breath, dig down for the courage you have within you and be willing to speak your truth. When we do this, we can watch our relationships and lives literally transform.

    http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Speak-Your-Truth_2/1



  77.  #77Daria on January 5, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    Starting to feel a bit better



  78.  #78Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    74 FW and Mali

    I have to agree….the 20 somethings know well how FB, texting etc. has impacted the social scene and everyone seems to have their own assumptions on how it should all work….saying “if you’re not on FB you’re such and such….. or means this and that”…those are just beliefs….not solid truths…..depends on the guy I think

    .in my age group 40-50 somethings it’s hit and miss….some have FB, some not, some email, some text, some not……some skype some not……

    I do know one thing……as great as FB is…..I have seen it cause ssssssssssssoooooooooooooo many problems with misunderstandings!!!

    good side and not so good side with it?

    xo



  79.  #79Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Big thank you Sweetpea



  80.  #80Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I just heard on the news recently that facebook is being cited in a huge percentage of divorce cases.



  81.  #81Daria on January 5, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    total side-note, i was just really deeply realizing yesterday how anger & resentment & suspicion of others hurts ONLY me. not my mom, not my boyfriend, not my friend, just ME. it doesn’t Prove That I’m Right either. it just hurts.

    Nice. I don’t want to hurt myself I just felt my perspective give a big lurch

    Toward feeling free and like things will be well



  82.  #82lk on January 5, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    @siren song

    lol… : ) i feel giggly that he’s so twisted up about that : )

    i’d say, “wow… actually i feel horrible reading that… & like i’m being accused of being incapable of a mutually giving relationship actually ! that feels so scary & guilty…. but… i do feel good being with you : ) & i do feel good when you call me…. i just don’t want to pursue men… though maybe if you invited me to call you at a specific time, that might feel fine to me… what do you think?”

    & then if he’s like, “oh whatever lady this is 2012 & that’s bxllshxt”

    i’d want to say, “oh… yes, i do want to feel like an equal in my relationship…. but it feels confusing & scary for me to call men so i want to date men who feel comfortable calling me & making plans : )”



  83.  #83Daria on January 5, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Lk – wow…. I’ve felt like a boy most of my life… Till recently

    I think I still think I’m a boy around my dad too

    Hmm

    I want to feel happy in fem energy there

    Sometimes I just feel playful girl and highly tho aww



  84.  #84Daria on January 5, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    *giggly not highly



  85.  #85Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Help! Haven’t heard from LP since Monday. I am not as bothered by that as I once was and now know if I wanted to or had to I would be fine without him around. Now, my problem lies with the issue that he owes me money and has something I would like back. Please don’t yell at me because he owes me money. I used to borrow from him all the time and I know he is good for it. But, I don’t know how to ask him for these things without him thinking I am having a fit. His words for when I want these back or want him to get his things from me. How can I ask for these things without seeming like I am upset or “throwing a fit”???



  86.  #86Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    I’m being naughty and I want a man who will appreciate my naughtiness in all its glory…
    😆



  87.  #87Daria on January 5, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    i’d say, “wow… actually i feel horrible reading that… & like i’m being accused of being incapable of a mutually giving relationship

    … Ohhh I love this! Except for the mutually giving part. I would just say mutual relationship or relationship

    I’m def not Abt giving

    But wow I sooo like the wow.. Actually I feel horrible reading that



  88.  #88mali on January 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    @71: Thankyou SLV- that felt really soothing… I’m still new to this, so I really appreciate parenty- type support.

    @72 and @74: Yah FW it did trigger. He is perfectly entitled to his opinion, I don’t dispute that, and he can express and write all he wants. But my feelings are my own, and I felt insecure… I can’t change that. I do appreciate your input, but logic-based advice doesn’t help me… I’d love more gentle, or feelings-based advice from you.

    And yes, these age guys are likely to be very immature, and I’ve always known I’m extra mature for my age… *sigh*



  89.  #89Starla on January 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    yay it worked, thank you ladies, i feel relieved and easy



  90.  #90Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    @88: mali says:
    “…@71: Thankyou SLV- that felt really soothing… I’m still new to this, so I really appreciate parenty- type support…”

    You are welcome!
    😀



  91.  #91Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    FW @ 79 and 80,

    Funny that you should mention Facebook. Part of the reason I even read that article is because now that I’ve got things going right with a man (and much of that I contribute to authentic communication with him, which feels easy with him, thank goodness), I have all this stuff coming up for healing with other people in my life. My dad, for one.

    Where FB comes in, is one of my dearest, longest time friends is on my FB account. She hasn’t responded to anything I’ve sent her in the last year. Since I’ve decided that my NY resolution is to give and receive unconditional love and… I’m still not sure what to do with those I don’t feel it from…regardless, I sent her a message telling her that it feels sad seeing her on there and, in short, if we can’t come to some sort of understanding I may have to “unfriend” her.

    She sent me back a very compassionate message and talked to me about boundaries (hers and mine) and encouraged me to continue to express mine. So I’m feeling much better about that, but she also made mention that perhaps I should hash things out before I make decisions and perhaps things will “look different in the light of day”.

    Knowing what I know about FMs, I used them with her, but I still don’t feel all that authentic when I use them, so when I came across the above article, it gave me a little more clarity.

    Anyway, it resonated with me quite a bit because not only does it reinforce for me what Rori’s doing here, I had mentioned to my friend that I feel I need to practice my delivery in stating my boundaries. And there it is, confirmed for me – practice, practice.



  92.  #92Daria on January 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Mali – many times men will write stuff like that in their profile on a dramatic moment, but once they contact and pursue me it doesn’t matter anymore to them…

    I might even bring up that I felt uncomfortable about it

    But most men so far like 99% have just continued pusuing



  93.  #93Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    SLV @ 86,

    Lol! Keep that intention – it’s out there. MM not only appreciates my naughtiness, he encourages it. (And no, I’m not just talking about in the bedroom, ladies). Lol.

    I’ve told him when I drink tequila, my personality gets colorful and even sometimes confrontational and pugalistic. He’s insistent that he wants to see that side of me (I think he’s crazy, but…?). That kind of naughty. All my friends are thinking they need to give him a warning call. 🙂



  94.  #94Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    Starla @ 89,

    Yay!!!!



  95.  #95Starla on January 5, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I get almost all my dates off of FB:)

    But I was a public figure for a long while and so I had a bunch of random friends.

    I found CF after 12 years through FB.

    Guys always be mackin on me thru facebook. I just got asked out today by a facebook friend:)

    facebook feels boring and weird these days though.

    and has caused a lil drama, but not too much lately.



  96.  #96siren song on January 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    LK: “oh whatever lady this is 2012 & that’s bxllshxt”

    that’s pretty much what he just said! sigh.



  97.  #97Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    @93: Sweetpea

    No fisticuffs for me but I’ll take a sip of the teguila. I’ve haven’t had any in ages… in might knock me over.
    😳

    My present moment naughtiness is of the geeky variety. Still naughty… “Mission Impossible” style… I can almost hear the theme song in the air above my head…

    Geeky guys can be bad boys too, sorta but I think they’re sweet.



  98.  #98Senior Lady Vibe on January 5, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Just wondering, does anyone know if Rori wears stilletos?



  99.  #99Daria on January 5, 2012 at 2:09 pm

    Siren song – ‘this feels bad… I feel unheard… I don’t want to date a man that’s not comfortable being the one pursuing me. What do you think we should do ?’



  100.  #100Daria on January 5, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    I wish I had a strong man to take care of me right now.

    A strong man to make love to me w his beautiful big dick while I’m facing him on the car seat. And hold me while I sob a lot to heal my broken heartedness.

    Who is strong and will actually take charge to solve my problems like even call up my brother and my sister and talk to them and get my sister to get it together.

    So maybe she feels paid attention to by my man and relaxes about her drama.

    And he protects me as his lil girl

    And isn’t scared or disinterested to actually talk to them till the whole thing is solved and feeling better.

    Wow sigh.

    That would be so wonderful but I don’t think is possible.

    My brother once did stand up for me and call my ex who was harassing me and tell him that if he touches me He will beat me up and that he can consider that I’m His gf now (I wasn’t but he stood up for me like that).

    Weird cuz I didn’t ask him to.

    🙂

    That would feel grat.

    I haven’t met many men tho that I think would be able to or want to do that for me.

    Most men are as reluctant to actually resolve this kinda drama by taking as I am.

    I’ve felt Very dissapointed in the past wishing somebody would resolve it for me – like my lil bro my sis baby daddy – not even close he made it worse.

    His behavior is the reason thus got triggered off anyway.

    His older brother is not much more help.

    🙁

    It’s all back on me

    And I can’t.

    I don’t wana put myself out there where I might be yelled at or threatened or get my heart broken.

    So no I’m not talking to her.

    People are like u shd just talk to her already.

    F u.

    One day I’ll have a man who cares And is able to solve my problems

    But not in this lifetime

    No these are my responsibility.

    Everyone knows that.

    ‘no one else can solve your problems for you’

    Right?

    And I sure as fuch can’t solve em.

    Rolls eyes.



  101.  #101lk on January 5, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    @siren song 96

    lol, well that’s fine : )

    honestly, he doesn’t sound willing to listen to you, to support you, or to help you — so no loss, right ?

    i do think you can continue to practice vulnerable, soft feeling messages with him (not like, I Like Strong Traditional Men You’re A Weak Modern Man Bad Boy Bad Boy….. like, I’m Just A Girl & I Want To Be Soft & Open & Say How I Feel & Feel Supported & Feel Valued) : )



  102.  #102Daria on January 5, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    I’m obsessing about my sister

    I don’t even wanna call her that now

    About my friend the mother of my godson

    Fuch this bit*ch

    This is too much emotion for me to handle

    That’s y it got me all fuched up.

    Oh yeah Abraham vision

    I feel so angry at this point on the river towards it



  103.  #103Daria on January 5, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Soren song – I like lk’s vibe about this

    My message was more like ‘do u wana get lost now loser?’

    Hers feels warmer and softer.

    I feel doubtful of myself wondering if my upset mess is permeating everything and I have this push away vibe.



  104.  #104Starla on January 5, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Daria, you said “A strong man to make love to me w his beautiful big dick while I’m facing him on the car seat.”

    ummmmmmmmmmm so can you explain the logistics of this? is there really room in the car to do this? please help me. We can literally hear each other breathing through the walls of my house, and i need to go somewhere else to have sex, like the car maybe? lol.



  105.  #105Starla on January 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    i’m doing a real good job of leaning back today?



  106.  #106Camille on January 5, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    (Camille is riffing)

    OOOH my goodness…Im so tired feeling literally exhausted on the inside of listening to the whining of how bad you have it and how unbalanced it all is and how you give and give and never get. Well all I can say is you dont recieve because you refuse to recieve or you refuse to see it as recieving and you dont want to see acts of service as a gift and your caught up in monetary and inanimates things and the only value well then I have nothing left to say……but I feel bad for you, I really do, I want to open eyes for you and see the goodness in your life for you but I cant and I wont and I leave this here off my chest and out of my head and out of my heart……THANX



  107.  #107Starla on January 5, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    i’m doing a real good job of leaning back today***
    no question mark, oopsies! it’s a statement, a lovely fact, yes yes:)



  108.  #108Camille on January 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Starla there is definitely room in a car to do that…..thats why they make seats move back! lol



  109.  #109Hopeful on January 5, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    FW #80 Regarding Facebook Divorces.

    Yep, I have heard this too, especially now that the over 35 crowd is on Facebook in droves. You don’t have to wait for High School reunions etc, to look up old loves anymore. You just type in their name and poof, there they are. You can have an imaginary relationship with them online, then an affair, and poof, you can leave your spouse for the cool new romance….

    And then if you are lucky, you learned from your last relationship, and it lasts. If not, you are back to your old patterns again.

    Our great mechanic, who seems like such a nice guy lost his wife because she had an affair with a friend of a friend on Facebook. Really sad. Would love to set the guy up with one of my friends, but he is wounded and angry now. But he is the most honest mechanic I have ever known.



  110.  #110lk on January 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    LOL yeah, i actually feel unreal hormonally charged & angry today…

    exCD came up to me while i was working & shook the chair i was sitting in……. well, you better believe I JUMPED up, saying, “WHO is that & why would you ever do that ? ” then i see it’s him & i take a step towards him & I LITERALLY SAY OUT LOUD IN MY OFFICE “OH MY GXD I’m going to kill you. seriously, you deserve to be kicked in the bxlls.”

    yup, i assume that’s a fire-able offense lol…. but he felt really bad…. & i instantly profusely apologized… wow that was intense



  111.  #111lk on January 5, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    @Starla

    oh for sure possible : ) back seat OR front seat LOL



  112.  #112Starla on January 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    i’ve never had sex in a car

    i was going to tell him i don’t want to do it in the house again, and that it would feel good to have the privacy of a hotel

    but actually it would feel fun to do it in the car too.

    hotel AND car! yes yes.

    i just wanna be able to slow down and be totally myself in sex, without outside factors affecting me, like a lack of privacy or lack of space to move in the car.



  113.  #113Ella on January 5, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Sirens Hey,

    So Zumba classes starting tomorrow.

    So I am intending to do lots of visualizing of my classes being full, busy and exciting.

    I have some new dances to teach and I feel excited.

    I have ordered some new dance trainers and will be getting a new bra and trousers soon too.

    I feel relaxed and good living at my Mum’s. I feel contented right now.

    I felt tense at work today.

    I feel very nervous about when aggresive customer CD eventually comes back in and how that is going to be, but I am doing my best to stay in the moment instead of dwelling on it.

    I SOOOO often still feel really nervous inside arouund guys I am dating, like really nervous and scared and panicky.

    I realise I have always had this feeling, bubbling away under the surface, but I got used to stuffing i so much I was hardly aware of what I was feeling, and it just created a general heavy/bad feeling a lot.

    Now I can identify it as ‘nervous’ and very, very often, unworthy, not good enough feelings.

    And then I tell myself I am the prize and I am interested to notice lots or resistance coming up… Like immediatley voices and resistance to argue that statement, maybe I could try using my ‘intend’.

    I still have so many NVs and just early I managed to get them to STFU completely because I totally saw them for what they were, but also how wrong they are, and how little power they could have over me.

    I may do some tapping on feeling not good enough.

    Although I am noticing all this stuff, generally I am feeling pretty good.

    Would just like to feel a little less mushy, and a bit stronger inside.

    Thank you.



  114.  #114Daria on January 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    I am seeking out creative ways to tap on this ‘problem’

    I have decided : ‘I’m not gonna forgive myself’

    I feel really good about that when I say it.

    Like good a relief I don’t have to.

    Because I WILL NOT!

    I’m not sure what that ‘means’

    Why or what’s up with that.

    I just know I feel really good and strong and safe when I tell myself ‘I’m not gonna forgive myself’

    Don’t worry Daria, hang on, I will Never let you down. I am strong and will so be with you. I will NEVER forgive myself so u don’t have to worry.

    Kiss.

    Wow!

    All that strength I could employ otherwise.

    I am tapping on this vow to Never forgive myself.



  115.  #115Daria on January 5, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    I can see the conflict in this for me lol



  116.  #116Daria on January 5, 2012 at 3:09 pm

    I’m safe because I have integrity for not letting myself off the hook. Ever. For anything.



  117.  #117Daria on January 5, 2012 at 3:17 pm

    It was about having high moral standards and being fair and equitable cuz that loving and sharing love.

    I’m willing to see if forgiving myself might not make me even More honorable.

    :). Giggle yay for tapping



  118.  #118Daria on January 5, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    Omg I feel excited to feel myself being that new me.

    I beat myself up so I hired my sister to. Wow.

    Lol.



  119.  #119Ella on January 5, 2012 at 3:24 pm

    Well male work colleague asked me out again.

    I feel all shy and giggly around him.

    Its not him, its me!

    I don’t even know why.

    Don’t know what I am thinking sometimes.

    I feel a lil weird about going out in public with him… I know that sounds weird, its just he is shorter than me… and just totally different from any guys I would ever usually date.

    When I ‘think’ about it I don’t feel attracted. My mind brings up all the reasons I am not attracted.

    When I stop thinking and ‘feel’ I just feel good.

    At the moment anyway.

    There is a red flag or so… however I am not going to tell you guys at the moment because I don’t feel comfortable to do so.

    Lets just say I am aware.

    I am watching.

    In other CD news I have a few booked in from POF, and I just feel so underwhelmed.

    But I will go, cus it is part of my comittment to me.



  120.  #120Ella on January 5, 2012 at 3:26 pm

    I think I am healing.

    I feel so much better than I used to.

    I may review Modern Siren soon.

    Or I may watch a horror film… owww, choices, choices.



  121.  #121lk on January 5, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    also @Daria…it feels mean to say ” I Forgive You ” sometimes… like, i have this power over you & also like, you did a bad thing that i have to go use my magic now to Forgive.

    i remember when i was little & the chaplain at my school taught us that “sorry means you won’t do it again” & that after you say “sorry” the other person should say, “I forgive you”

    & then apologizing at school became the worst thing ever. because i then i was a Sinner & saying sorry became a Vow & forgiveness was actually Retaliation or Revenge



  122.  #122siren song on January 5, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Thanks for the feedback, lk and daria and fw! Xo



  123.  #123Daria on January 5, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    right someone else was talking about sorry meaning you wont do it again

    and rori surprised me to htink that sorry mihgt just be like sorry you feel bad not a vow not to do it again

    hmm

    maybe thats why i wont forgive myself? cuz i dont want to not do ‘it’ again?



  124.  #124Daria on January 5, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    i can do anohter tapping round…

    i feel tired and sleepy right now

    mmm



  125.  #125lk on January 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    uh oh i have bad short emails going with CDcd. i hate short emails. bye, CDcd! sorry but i have to ignore you now even though you’re trying to do something nice for me !!! i like you a lot though : )))) i’m so excited to see you tomorrow & have a romantic, fun, social time out on the town & ooooh won’t you be surprised that i don’t have hairy ‘pits anymore oooh lk is fancy : ) lol

    i’m going to go swimming now : )

    & my boss just tried to give me a super hard long task……. but then i solved the problem really easy & was like, well, i guess you don’t really need my help now do you ? it will only take you 5 min now instead of the 5 hour long task you just tried to invent for me, eh ??

    & then he’s like, if X is happy, i’m happy. if you’re happy, i’m happy. (which by the way is my FAVORITE thing to hear a man say lol) ……….. & i go, “OHHH that’s why you’re never happy” LOL & he cracks up & is like, “yup, just waitin’ on everyone else” lol i love that grumpy guy : ) he’s a good boss



  126.  #126Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    I just changed my fb profile pic from a pic of me and LP to just a picture of me. Can’t describe how I feel right now, but I think it was the right thing to do.



  127.  #127lk on January 5, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    @SG

    i don’t get how LP owes you $ since he’s been putting $ in your account ? right ?

    love you : ) & your new pretty picture : )



  128.  #128Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 3:54 pm

    No,I think thats BW you’re thinking of?



  129.  #129Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Thanks lk. I wonder if my vibe will change now and a new man will come into my life now that I am operating “single” on fb.



  130.  #130Starla on January 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    still leanin back, took really nice care of me by not pushing myself to insanity trying to meet a somewhat unimportant deadline. feeling so proud of myself for doing that, cuz that’s so outside my comfort zone.

    going to meet my old workout buddy tonight for a work out at my gym… our friendship doesn’t seem to move past working out together, even after 3 years! That’s okay with me, because she is the only one who ever keeps me motivated to work out.

    ummmmmmmmmmm i love me:)



  131.  #131Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Sorry Mali I will stay away from giving you logic based advice. But just for the record I basically only said that based on what I heard in Reconnect. Rori said he is entitled as a human being to treat you any way he wants to even if it means treating you badly. Just that you are also entitled to not engage with him.



  132.  #132Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Sun Goddess did you unfriend him? It feels so sad reading your comment.



  133.  #133Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Ella your comment about the guy brought a memory of Charlotte in Sex and the City with her lawyer who was totally not her type but in the end made her so happy.



  134.  #134Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    88 Mali

    “appreciate your input, but logic-based advice doesn’t help me… I’d love more gentle, or feelings-based advice from you.”

    I know this was directed to FW…..but can you explain what you mean by “feelings based advice? “…how would that sound…….?

    I’m genuinely asking……..

    xo



  135.  #135Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:11 pm

    Oh no I didn’t unfriend him. I just changed my profile picture from one of us to one with just me. I do feel angry at him right now though like he is not even a good friend at the moment, but I am going to go clean something and sink into this feeling.



  136.  #136Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    SG I would do something that feels good instead. Hugs



  137.  #137Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Oooo Sun Goddess is this a pattern? Do you stonewall when you get angry? Do you turn your emotional energy away from him? Or is it that I am missing something, did you break up?



  138.  #138Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    I do these things to protect myself. Oh gez, should I put the picture back before he notices? We always go bad because I act out in anger. Why can’t I let something good happen?



  139.  #139Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    FW, thank you for posting that. I changed it back. My nerves are attacking telling me that because he hasn’t called in four days there must be something wrong with *us*. The truth is there is something wrong with me. I’m so scared of getting hurt that I almost always end up hurting myself.



  140.  #140Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    I wouldn’t necessarily say so. It is important to notice your patterns and how you fight. Rori encourages us to change our patterns to something he is not expecting. Maybe it could be an opportunity to let him know that you felt so angry and did not know what to do with the anger? The change could get his attention and start a conversation that you could use to really tell the truth and be authentic.



  141.  #141Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I almost feel like I should call him. Ugh, I don’t know what to do now.



  142.  #142Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Nothing my dear continue leaning back and believing that love is coming towards you. As a matter of fact this can be something you look at and laugh at yourself for being silly.



  143.  #143Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Has he given you any reason to believe that things have changed?



  144.  #144Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Is it Dominique who has shared a story about how she almost drove herself crazy when her guy hadn’t called in a few days?



  145.  #145Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Okay, this is good. The anger is going away and a bit of peace is coming. But I still feel like I need my stuff back. Maybe that is me seeking some sort of closure.



  146.  #146Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:32 pm

    Also it is your fb page and you are entitled to do whatever you want with it. My mind went back again to how exclusivity can cause us all kinds of problems.



  147.  #147Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    143, haven’t talked to him since Sunday and when we left each other things were fine. He even called on the way home. He is probably swamped at work after having been off for so many days. He eats, breathes, and lives work when his kids aren’t around.



  148.  #148Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    Ask yourself why do you need them back?

    Is it to punish him or to get even? Be honest with yourself.

    Is it really true that you “need” them back.



  149.  #149Dominique on January 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    SLV – #98 – No she definitely does not.

    xxoo



  150.  #150Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    So he is a man with focus and purpose. And as per CCarter when in a committed relationship men tend to really get into their purpose because now they recognize that their is a woman they have to take care of as well and they do not want to fail or look like a loser in your eyes.



  151.  #151Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    I don’t need them at this very moment and it would feel punishing to him if I requested them ALL and all at once. It is a pattern for me. I do at least need the money though sooner rather than later.



  152.  #152Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    150 interesting…he works for his kids though.



  153.  #153Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    I would try to find calm around it so I communicate that I need it without spilling anger. You are entitled to what is yours, plus it was a loan.

    Did you negotiate the terms of your exclusivity so that he knows you expect a call every ………. days?



  154.  #154Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Well we have been through this calling thing before. I’m going to call and see what happens.



  155.  #155Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    SG he might be busy and can’t pick up the call. Then what?



  156.  #156Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    Okay, bad choice. He didn’t answer.



  157.  #157Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Now check in to see how you feel.



  158.  #158Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    I’m okay actually.



  159.  #159Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    I am reading something from Orna Walters, she says
    “Hold your hands on your heart, close your eyes and picture the person you wish to forgive (it could be you). Say to that person, pleased forgive me, I’m sorry. Thank you. I love you”. Use the affirmation “I I love and accept myself” “I am worthy of respectful love”.



  160.  #160Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    SG I encourage you to check in with yourself to see where the urgency and panic came from. Also reflect and see how many times this kind of thing happens, what triggers it and what actions you take when you feel this way. It might help you identify a pattern.



  161.  #161Rose on January 5, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    149 & 98 SLV & Dominique

    aww She’d look cute in stillettos too 🙂



  162.  #162Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 4:56 pm

    Even though it has been eleven years and I have healed somewhat there is still a lot there to heal. I fear opening up to people. I fear people laughing at my feelings and saying how silly I am. Why wouldn’t they when my own mother does that!?



  163.  #163Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    And my family gives things to get love. So that is all I know. I have been working on thy one for a while now.



  164.  #164Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    #159 Thank you for posting that quote from Orna Walters, Feminewoman, that feels good to remember..xoxo



  165.  #165Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    Ouch,it does feel bad to be ignored when I can see him on Facebook.



  166.  #166light heart on January 5, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Speaking of Orna and Matthew, I just got to hear the second half of their live interview call with Allana Pratt.
    Now THERE’s a romantic relationship!! They are just precious together! Great enthusiasm for each other and the work they do. At the end, they were asked what they were each present to, to say to each other, and he said, “I will never, ever, ever, leave you” (she had had abandonment issues) and she said, in French, “You are the love of my life”.

    (swoon)

    🙂

    light heart



  167.  #167FlowerFairy on January 5, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    I have a question?… I feel like the girl in He’s Just not that into you. Meeting men who are just way below what I want. Men who play games… emotional games. my girlfriends say that i am who i am. when you talk to me via phone email text online. it’s always me. was married for 14 years.. now a single mother of 3 kids. dating now really sucks and is a completely different than it was in the 90’s. i wanted to know what advice you have if any.



  168.  #168April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    I fell totally and utterly intrigued by the short exchange
    between SLV 98 and Dominique 149

    Does Rori wear stilettos?
    No she definitely does not.

    What’s the interest SLV?
    And how are you so sure, Dominique?

    And what is the subtext? Is there something I don’t know? I feel a bit silly. Am I ignorant? Are stilettos bad things to wear? Should we be talking about such personal aspects of someone’s life unless the question is asked directly to them?

    Go on, ask me if I wear……? Fill in the blank.

    Weird!!!



  169.  #169Dominique on January 5, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    I think it was asked April Rose because it’s a sireny look though I can’t speak for sure for SLV. I think it was an interesting pondering.

    I know because I know Rori, am friends and more with her.

    xxoo



  170.  #170Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    FW, thanks for working with me and my silly nerves. He called me back and I bought his excuse for not answering or calling for days. He said we can do the money thing maybe tomorrow. I told him that I felt forgotten a nd that felt bad when he asked if I was mad at him. I feel better now.



  171.  #171April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    Do you wear stilettos, Dominique?



  172.  #172April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    I’d love to wear stilettos.

    But my men are between 2 and 4 inches shorter than me.

    I love short men. There is something special about them.

    I love tall men too. But not as much as short fellas!



  173.  #173Dominique on January 5, 2012 at 5:40 pm

    Absolutely, April Rose, LOVE them…

    xxoo



  174.  #174April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Do you wear stiletto heels, SLV?

    What the heck, let’s do a survey on one of a girl’s favourite subjects; shoes.

    Which of you sexy sirens wears killer heels? And can you walk in them without crippling yourself?



  175.  #175Dominique on January 5, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    I don’t think men shorter than I exist. But I love tall men anyway, well one tall man lol.

    xxoo



  176.  #176Dominique on January 5, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    I have ballet feet April Rose. Helps a lot with the walking issue. I find them comfortable as long as they fit well.

    xxoo



  177.  #177Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:45 pm

    Yumm yummmI love stilettos..I think they look super hot on all ladies 🙂 they are hard to walk in long distances of course..so just special occasions for me or when I know I am not walking a lot. Just recently went nuts and got a pair of 6 inch platform stripper heels for a dance class…..After an hour my feet were killing me, actually after the first 15 mins lol but so worth it



  178.  #178April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    I am internet shopping now, looking for kitten heels.



  179.  #179Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Yay April Rose! 😀



  180.  #180April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Rose,
    What kind of dancing were you doing in 6″ platforms?



  181.  #181Rose on January 5, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    April Rose, its a Strip Dance class, not pole dancing but more exotic dance moves, lap dancing etc…
    I took it for fun, not my next career lol at least I think lol



  182.  #182Aurora Girl on January 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Heels…..

    yes….on boots…..good winter boots….fun….and to wear them with jeans in the spring and fall as well…

    and on open toed sandals….very fun with the right colour nail polish!

    a good shoe, even a stiletto heel, if it’s made well, won’t hurt your foot….might have to pay a little extra….but worth it……I’m already 5’10 and will still wear the heels…..my LD is 5’11 and when I wear my heels he wears his boots that have a one inch heel making him 6 ft…..

    he loves the heels….on the street and at home….paired with a good pair of black stockings or hose……

    with or without me having clothes on….lol



  183.  #183Daria on January 5, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    I will not forgive myself for not standing up for myself or taking action or talking

    i will nto forgive myself for nto being able to just call and feel calm and talk this out

    if i forgive myself it means i will never change and be that persno who does those things effortlessly



  184.  #184FlowerChild77 on January 5, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Heh heh…I don’t think there are any men shorter than me, either Dominique! I’m 5’0″ and get teased quite a bit as all my grown children are taller than I am. My oldest son is 6’5″ and the younger one is 6’2″ and daughters are also taller, though not as much. People are always amazed to find out I’m their mom.

    I’ve never been able to wear heels (never really wanted to.) I find them uncomfortable and even the slightest heel (at this point in my life) wreaks havoc with my knees. I have to wear Skechers Shape Ups or dress flats. At least the Skechers make me an inch or two taller! 🙂

    I envy women with long beautiful legs who can tolerate wearing heels. 😉 It is so very sexy. You lucky girls, you!

    I’m thinking that SLV asked because she often comments on fashion and ‘looks’ and shares youtube videos about make up and hair and such. Just a fun thing…am I right, SLV? 🙂



  185.  #185Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Sun Goddess I would flip that thught about ignoring on facebook. He was doing his thing. Also would you prefer to be cyberstakled (as per my 14 year old daughter)?



  186.  #186Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Sun Goddess I would flip that thught about ignoring on facebook. He was doing his thing. Also would you prefer to be cyberstalked (as per my 14 year old daughter)



  187.  #187Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 6:32 pm

    Sun Goddess I would flip that thought about ignoring on facebook. He was doing his thing. Also would you prefer to be cyberstalked (as per my 14 year old daughter)



  188.  #188Daria on January 5, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    i want a man to write poetry for me



  189.  #189lk on January 5, 2012 at 6:38 pm

    yayyyy i went to the gym… i thought maybe i might do a machine for a bit to get hot & then jump in the pool… but i forgot my flip flops & i hate walking on wet tile : ( so i went to the machines… it felt so overwhelming & i just noticed this door behind some machines that had a quiet, empty room with big mirrors & balls, so i thought i’d sneak in & just play until someone kicked me out… but there actually was someone in there : ) & it felt so nice & quiet & she had some fun-looking props out (bands, half-ball, pole, free weights, mat) so i was like, oh is this room free ? & she said, no… this is a class. it starts in 5 minutes. it’s really fun cardio! so i SPRINTED out of the room, got dollars out of my wallet, bought a water bottle from the vending machine, ran back, grabbed equipment, & was just set up in time for class : ) there were lots of ladies & it was really hard & fun & felt challenging : )))

    i feel really healthy & happy now… especially since i missed my yoga class this morning : (((( lk feels scowly remembering that >: (((( furrowed brow. tight mouth angry.

    i woke up this morning a total sweaty wet noodle !! like fever dreams !!! i feel like freaking out just remembering it. i think it’s this birth control. just waves of hot anger sometimes. it’s pretty bad…. oh well….. i know it’s ok : ) & my body will absorb & adjust.

    i did look hella-cute in those big mirrors! i never see myself full-length or really ever look at my body in a mirror & i really look womanly !!! i used to be so skinny but i’m looking more & more like those Hindu goddess carvings : ))) i love those sensual goddesses….. yummy ! pretty & confident lk is going to kiss a handsome man tomorrow night : ) yayyyy



  190.  #190Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Oops sorry. I see esc did not work for me.

    Giving to get hhhmm I see this as a way to control

    hhhmmm “I felt forgotten”??? “I need attention”?
    “I’m just a girl here and like every other girl I need attention. When I don’t get attention I feel bad and I feel turned off. I don’t want to feel that way with you.” (Rori FM)



  191.  #191Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    FC I thought it was the other way around. It thought it was the shorter women wore heels. At least that what I saw when I was growing up. Have you tried wedges?



  192.  #192lk on January 5, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    but none of my old pants can really accommodate this bodacious body o_0 lol…. when i told my mom my hip measurements…she about died. LOL baby got back. seriously. yummy & i want bigger & bigger titties !!!! lol maybe the birth control will slip me a little something extra if you know what i’m sayin’…. i won’t mind : )

    now i’m feeling so sexy. i’m going to do some bum lifts & push-ups to assist the universe in this manifestation of Divine Sensuality lol



  193.  #193lk on January 5, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    oh & sorry SG ! you’re right : ( i got confused bc of the name change : ) i’m glad you got things fairly sorted : )



  194.  #194FlowerChild77 on January 5, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    SG/#162…I can really relate to what you said about how hard it is to change patterns when your own parents didn’t/don’t accept you.

    I grew up in a family where I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to have feelings. I became invisible so I could survive the emotional abuse. If I cried I was accused of “faking it” and being manipulative. As far as they were concerned I had no “right” to feel anything but eternal gratitude and happiness—anything else meant they may have to look at their own alcoholic, mentally ill issues—and we sure couldn’t have that, now could we? (Sorry for the sarcasm.) They used to tell me that anything I had was WAY more than what I ever deserved and I was an “ungrateful little bitch.”

    My mother never liked me or accepted me. It’s so hard to believe anyone would want me when my own mother didn’t want me. (I’m an only child.)

    Sorry for going on and on…I just wanted you to know I totally get where you’re coming from on that.

    I try to focus on the fact that we are all one–we are all connected—and that I ‘belong’ through consciousness. I survived my past and I have so MUCH to look forward to. I need to get much clearer on what I DO want, but it’s all out there for each of us. 🙂

    Thank you Rori and thank you Sirens. I feel so blessed to have found you <3



  195.  #195FlowerChild77 on January 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    I’m sorry….I must have said something bad. My last post is in moderation.

    I apologize for whatever it was I said…. 🙁



  196.  #196Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    It’s okay lg….and thanks



  197.  #197Daria on January 5, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    just cuz its in moderation doesn mean its bad

    Je*sus
    fuc*K
    bitc*h
    pl*um
    are in moderation right now



  198.  #198Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    FW, the funny thing was that his computer was still logged into fb and he was napping from his long work week (could tell from his voice he really did just wake up). I love (and hate) my silly silly nerves.



  199.  #199Femininewoman on January 5, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Rori says when we analyze or read between the lines we are almost always wrong. Men are direct.

    Wonder if he fell asleep at the computer?



  200.  #200FlowerChild77 on January 5, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Thank you Daria…It must be that I quoted what my parents used to say to me all the time…it included the b word (bit*h).

    Ok, now I feel better knowing what did it. 🙂



  201.  #201Sun Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    lol he is knew to do that



  202.  #202April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    I think I had a reaction when Dominique answered SLV with “No, she definitely does not”

    It sparked up the memory of my confrontations with feminism in the late ’80s, and I felt an old fear of being judged weak.

    In the radical activist movement of that era it was looked upon very badly to wear make-up or anything attractive and feminine. ‘Poor women’ who did. They were weak and needed to find self-esteem through dressing for men. Aaagh. It makes me sick to think of the controlling mindset, which I am sad to say I got hooked into.

    Please be witness. I CAST IT OFF! That whole mindset – begone!

    And I embrace all things gorgeously feminine. Including stiletto heels and fabulous underwear and having doors opened for me by men and expensive lipstick and feeling my feelings…..



  203.  #203tenny on January 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Yes, Yes, Yes!! My ex was damaged goods. When I read about the dark clouds over his head and realized – yes, that’s me – I should have stepped back once I saw those clouds, but I didn’t!! There are such better men out there, and I discovered that by CDing. Love the post Rori, thanks for sharing.



  204.  #204lk on January 5, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    why are these potatoes soft, but have no eyes sprouting ???

    are they good, are they bad ? they’ve been in my kitchen… it seems like forever lol… i don’t really like potatoes : )



  205.  #205lk on January 5, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    @FlowerChild77 198

    …. ummm …. i thought “the b word” was “boyfriend” ?

    lol



  206.  #206lk on January 5, 2012 at 6:57 pm

    @Dominique i saw it in the LRR newsletter & also Thank YOU !!! : ))))

    & also i just have girl-crushes on you & Rori : ) & others but i wouldn’t want to make anyone feel left out so I’ll be hierarchical & just leave it at the Queen Coaches with Websites & Programs : ) much love !



  207.  #207lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    @April Rose

    “It sparked up the memory of my confrontations with feminism in the late ’80s, and I felt an old fear of being judged weak.

    “In the radical activist movement of that era it was looked upon very badly to wear make-up or anything attractive and feminine. ‘Poor women’ who did. They were weak and needed to find self-esteem through dressing for men. Aaagh. It makes me sick to think of the controlling mindset, which I am sad to say I got hooked into.”

    Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been feeling ambivalent toward all things “beautifying” …. as though…. indulging in them is similar to judging myself as “imperfect” or “ugly”…….. although sometimes i just ENJOY those things… & even though i’m glad i grew my body hair out & stuck with it & bared my hairy self for an amazing man…. i was SO excited to shave ! like i thought i’d be sad, but i was just ripping through my closet trying on dresses & lingerie & nightgowns & admiring my bare armpits lol : )

    anyway, thank you : ) i feel accepted & loved : )

    i also enjoyed showing CDcd my makeup : ))) because i actually LOVE makeup, though i hardly wear it… & he got excited with me lol. i was like, yeah, i know this is all toxic & whatever but it’s SO FUN like art supplies !!! & i showed him my gold/chartreuse eyeshadow & my bright pink lipstick & he was like WOW those colors are amazing : ) & also felt loved & accepted : )



  208.  #208lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    SPAM THE BLOG. i’m a real fighter. persevering in the face of dire odds.



  209.  #209tenny on January 5, 2012 at 7:13 pm

    My play on the Facebook issue:

    One of my rules is not to friend any of my CDs on facebook. I have peace, comfort and positiveness on my facebook now. No more editing, searching, or limiting my expression. My facebook is private and it’s actually like a blog because there is a lot of stuff that I limit to “only me.” My close friends are in my contacts and we share pictures, uplifting words, feelings messages and just whatever. It feels good to have my love-interests not reading my thoughts and feelings as I blog, or checking when I’m on, or who I’m friend’s with. I’ve made it personal and it’s beautiful.



  210.  #210Starla on January 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    I was thinking more about this part of Rori’s post:
    “Like you have to hold yourself back and make yourself small?”

    I have felt this way with almost everyone i’ve dated. Some were worse than others, in that they would actually do or say things to derail me from getting too big. That is a really simplified way of putting it but essentially they wanted to keep me close and in their control so they tried to make me small. I doubt any of them realized they were doing it or even why, but after enough of it, i noticed what was going on with this guys.

    Then I started dating CF and every man I encounter since him is SUPPORTIVE….at the very least they don’t try to get in my way. It’s such a 180 from what my old patterns were, and now I wouldn’t be able to even tolerate anything less.

    I would like to say CF is particularly supportive, but actually all the other guys have been really supportive too.

    I noticed that CF doesn’t try to get me to hold myself back or make myself small emotionally, either, which feels different and great and scary

    He and India let me be when I was studying for a big exam. And CF kept reassuring me i was crazy or a failure when I was feeling stressed out by having so much on my plate. He never told me to take a break or slow down on my ambitions. Just that I am “one of those rare people who set out to accomplish big things, so there is going to be really crazy hard days sometimes” but that he would always be there for me when I needed him.

    Awwww, puke.



  211.  #211April Rose on January 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    lk,

    I am loving the image I have of you excitedly showing your chap your make-up, and him getting all into it too. Gorgeous!
    I too adore colours, especially pinks and golds.



  212.  #212tenny on January 5, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    I have a new CD. I’m going to call him CD loving because he likes to use that word! I felt triggered at first, but I can manage one date. Wow, these guys are really into the “instant relationship” stuff. Leaning back, keeping my boundaries, choosing my words, being surprised. I can handle it – bring it!



  213.  #213Starla on January 5, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    thank you starla for doing 20 minutes of cardio
    thank you starla for getting me a lot more time to do that thing at work
    thank you starla for not answering CF’s closed-ended text because i did feel a tug towards him and anyway what i was feeling excited about was a phone call from him..i don”t want to text. it was a sweet text
    thank you thank you thank you
    YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME!
    Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve it
    But please don’t ever stop
    Love you



  214.  #214tenny on January 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    CD loving
    CD assertive
    CD wisdom
    CD poet
    CD tennis
    CD smoothy (he’s actually out of rotation because he got back together with his ex, but I always lean back, smile and unzip my heart when I see him. He seems to thrive off of those moments. He hugs me really tight and sincerely now).



  215.  #215Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 7:25 pm

    I’m feeling really good. I spent a good part of the day listening to Flylady and cleaning the house. Then I started to feel overwhelmed, so I meditated and took a nap.

    I highly recommend the Flylady audiobook for anyone who might be interested. It’s only $17.

    She reminds me of Rori in a lot of ways. She is really into babysteps.

    The first babysteps she recommends are
    -shining your sink and always keeping it clean
    -and getting dressed to your shoes

    Keeping the sink clean is kind of symbolic. It’s committing to keeping at least one part of the house in order…which becomes contagious and spreads throughout the house.

    Also, getting dressed first thing will be very helpful for me because I work from home. It’s very easy for me to stay in my pj’s and look frumpy all day.

    Getting dressed will help me feel better, I just know it.

    I love when my house feels clean and orderly. It is really one of my favorite things. I feel peaceful and at ease and able to deal with the rest of my life.

    I feel committed to establishing a healthy rhythm for my life. Right now, this feels like the best cd-ing I can do.

    And I love how FLY stands for Finally Loving Yourself.

    yum!



  216.  #216tenny on January 5, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    oh yeah, forgot, another new CD. Will call him CD hood. Yup, just like what it sounds 🙂 Kinda like him though 🙂 He is real with it all!



  217.  #217Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    Starla! You inspired me!

    Thank you, Lg, for letting me rest when I was needing it.
    Thank you for contemplating buying that nice new bed I want. I have always wanted a bed just like that.
    Thank you for taking vitamins. They really do help improve my mood.
    Thank you for working for 15 min and then taking a 15 min break. That really helps me to not feel overwhelmed.
    Thank you for treating me to those audiobooks.
    Thank you for thinking about uplifting things.
    Thank you for feeding me and drinking water.
    Thank you for treating me so you
    You deserve it!



  218.  #218Starla on January 5, 2012 at 7:30 pm

    typo above, i meant to say that CF reassured me that i WASN’T crazy, lolololol big typo



  219.  #219Daria on January 5, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    dang i feel bad for i woudl be one of those people encouraging starla to take a break

    it wouldnt be cuz i dindt care about her though

    shrug

    i hate the world

    like raelly

    lets all die

    no i dont really wanna

    ok

    well then

    waht

    i feel ashamed and misudnerstood and hopeless

    and ashameda more

    like who am i to get in someonds business

    obviously i dont ‘get’ them the way they want me to

    ef it

    who CARES!!!!!!!!!!

    i dont want any fuchkin friends

    good cuz i dont have any anyway ha



  220.  #220lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:38 pm

    oops… i need advice…lol

    i made myself a problem & i feel confused about fixing it…

    CDcd & i are going to this place after we go to a birthday happy hour for my co-worker.. he emailed me today saying should i make reservations? i said Yes. he said, what time ? i didn’t answer. then i tried to just call him… but didn’t leave a message & he only has a land line.

    now…. should i email him & say, i saw your email & tried to call but i’d prefer to talk about what time with you because i don’t know ? or do i just wait for him to maybe see my name in call ID & call me ? ? ?

    humbug



  221.  #221lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    lol @ daria…. i also was just thinking, oh I have no friends, i’m so alone… but then i was thinking that’s awesome because i can be equally connected to EVERYONE : )))



  222.  #222Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    I’m coveting this bed right now. I have always wanted bed just like this. It’s much more than I feel comfortable spending, yet if I really wanted to, I suppose I could make it happen.

    I would have to do it on my own though, as I’m pretty sure sweetie wouldn’t be down for spending that much on a bed.

    We just got an amazing new organic latex mattress with a wool topper and we need a new bed frame for it as our last bed was a queen and this new one is a king.

    I feel best just sitting with it for a bit. I will look for deals in the meantime.

    Maybe I could take a risk and trust that the universe will bring more abundance?

    I dunno, I still feel very uncomfortable about the price, yet I feel good fantasizing about it and one day it could become a reality.

    Am I willing to let this level of luxury into my life?



  223.  #223tenny on January 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    I want CD assertive to call me. I’ve been leaning back all day. I know he is expecting/wanting me to call. We are getting very close now, but I’m leaning back. This is something I’ve never done. The more I lean back, the more he is turned on – it’s amazing. This is HOT HOT HOT!



  224.  #224Daria on January 5, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    maybr im feeling so sick cuz i havent walked in like 5 days and cuz ummm

    cuz i am not showered

    and i havent been brushing my hair

    and cuz im a lil hungry

    it may have quite a lot to do with not having walked tho without my realizing it

    oh and also cuz i skipped my peezy when it was due

    i hate everything!

    rarrrh

    rarrrh

    not quite everything

    theres some cute stuff going on



  225.  #225lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    it’s really awesome that the food that CDcd packed for me actually TOTALLY fed me for the week! like… i think i bought a coffee & a breakfast burrito 1 morning. that’s it. now i’m having salad, an apple, pistachios & broccoli soup. i’m in actual Heaven lol.

    now if the boy would just psychically tune in & call me!!!! let’s see if i can ask him ?



  226.  #226Daria on January 5, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    “The Trouble with Bright Girls

    Heidi Grant Halvorson

    Successful women know only too well that in any male-dominated profession, we often find ourselves at a distinct disadvantage. We are routinely underestimated, underutilized and even underpaid. Studies show that women need to perform at extraordinarily high levels, just to appear moderately competent compared to our male coworkers.

    But in my experience, smart and talented women rarely realize that one of the toughest hurdles they’ll have to overcome to be successful lies within. Compared with our male colleagues, we judge our own abilities not only more harshly but fundamentally differently. Understanding why we do it is the first step to righting a terrible wrong. And to do that, we need to take a step back in time.

    Chances are good that if you are a successful professional today, you were a pretty bright fifth grade girl. My graduate advisor, psychologist Carol Dweck (author of “Mindset”) conducted a series of studies in the 1980s, looking at how Bright Girls and boys in the fifth grade handled new, difficult and confusing material.

    She found that Bright Girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up; the higher the girls’ IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses. Bright boys, on the other hand, saw the difficult material as a challenge, and found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts rather than give up.

    Why does this happen? What makes smart girls more vulnerable and less confident when they should be the most confident kids in the room? At the 5th grade level, girls routinely outperform boys in every subject, including math and science. So there were no differences between these boys and girls in ability, nor in past history of success. The only difference was how bright boys and girls interpreted difficulty — what it meant to them when material seemed hard to learn. Bright Girls were much quicker to doubt their ability, to lose confidence and to become less effective learners as a result.

    Researchers have uncovered the reason for this difference in how difficulty is interpreted, and it is simply this: More often than not, Bright Girls believe that their abilities are innate and unchangeable, while bright boys believe that they can develop ability through effort and practice.

    How do girls and boys develop these different views? Most likely, it has to do with the kinds of feedback we get from parents and teachers as young children. Girls, who develop self-control earlier and are better able to follow instructions, are often praised for their “goodness.” When we do well in school, we are told that we are “so smart,” “so clever, ” or “such a good student.” This kind of praise implies that traits like smartness, cleverness and goodness are qualities you either have or you don’t.

    Boys, on the other hand, are a handful. Just trying to get boys to sit still and pay attention is a real challenge for any parent or teacher. As a result, boys are given a lot more feedback that emphasizes effort (e.g., “If you would just pay attention you could learn this,” “If you would just try a little harder you could get it right.”) The net result: When learning something new is truly difficult, girls take it as sign that they aren’t “good” and “smart,” and boys take it as a sign to pay attention and try harder.

    We continue to carry these beliefs, often unconsciously, around with us throughout our lives. And because Bright Girls are particularly likely to see their abilities as innate and unchangeable, they grow up to be women who are far too hard on themselves — women who will prematurely conclude that they don’t have what it takes to succeed in a particular arena, and give up way too soon.

    Even if every external disadvantage to a woman’s rising to the top of an organization is removed — every inequality of opportunity, every chauvinistic stereotype, all the challenges we face balancing work and family — we would still have to deal with the fact that through our mistaken beliefs about our abilities, we may be our own worst enemy.

    How often have you found yourself avoiding challenges and playing it safe, sticking to goals you knew would be easy for you to reach? Are there things you decided long ago that you could never be good at? Skills you believed you would never possess? If the list is a long one, you were probably one of the Bright Girls — and your belief that you are “stuck” being exactly as you are has done more to determine the course of your life than you probably ever imagined. This would be fine, if your abilities were innate and unchangeable. Only they’re not.

    No matter the ability — whether it’s intelligence, creativity, self-control, charm or athleticism — studies show them to be profoundly malleable. When it comes to mastering any skill, your experience, effort and persistence matter a lot. So if you were a Bright Girl, it’s time to toss out your (mistaken) belief about how ability works, embrace the fact that you can always improve and reclaim the confidence to tackle any challenge that you lost so long ago.”



  227.  #227Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 7:45 pm

    lk

    I would maybe email something like…

    I feel unsure…(of what time to make the reservation)

    and not mention the call

    and then if he asks, just say you were calling to talk about the reservation.

    I probably wouldn’t mention the call unless he brings it up

    I would be sure to throw a feeling message in there.



  228.  #228Daria on January 5, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    dont get near DARIA!!! RARRGH!!!!!!!!!!

    BACHK THE FUCHK OFF!!1

    i will FHCUHK YOU UP!!!!!!!

    FUCHK YOU BIATCHHHHHH



  229.  #229Starla on January 5, 2012 at 7:46 pm

    217 Daria, they encourage me to take a break because they ultimately want me to stop having stress that they have to deal with or have to be supportive about it. They try to stop it and control it..it makes them uncomfortable.

    you don’t encourge me to take a break anyway…you just say you believe in something different.

    u don’t belong to the group of people i was talking about who dont support me



  230.  #230Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 7:48 pm


  231.  #231Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1x1UBKlCU&feature=player_embedded

    I feel moved. Wow!

    This is a 2 min clip of a little girl. So inspiring!



  232.  #232Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    I love heels! I can actually run faster in them than I can in sneakers. Or at least I used to be able to. MM laughs at me when I wear flats because I stagger in them, like I’m drunk. I’ve been wearing heels almost exclusively since I was 13, so I guess I’m just used to them.

    Wedges are the bestest. I wear heels year round. Summer, Spring, Winter – it doesn’t matter. I’m only 5’5″ but for some reason everyone thinks I’m 5’7″ or 5’8″ – must be the heels! 😉 Even MM, who sees me barefoot lots thinks I’m taller though – and he’s 6’3″… *shrug*



  233.  #233Starla on January 5, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    oooh i like lk’s idea of “asking” him to call psychicly. this feels different than wishing he’d call for some reason…different on the vibe-o-meter.



  234.  #234lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    thanks LG – lol i’m a dork. i just tried to take your advice but i guess i forgot my FMs !! lol… hopefully he will call & i can dose him with a little emotion before bed : )



  235.  #235lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    DXMN @Laughing Goddess – that is a sxxy bed : ))



  236.  #236Daria on January 5, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    “Spend a week becoming aware of how often your inner critic runs the story, “could done that better!” and stop in that moment and recognize you just told the universe that you don’t deserve yet. So I want you to say outloud, “Oops, I mean I love learning and improving and I am totally deserving right now, even before I learn and improve! I love myself right now and I totally deserve to feel good!”



  237.  #237Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    lk: ‘dose him with a little emotion’

    love it!



  238.  #238lk on January 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    love it, daria. i just “caught” myself saying, “bad, bad lk. why don’t you just DO THINGS ? ”

    ahhh oh yes because i’m learning right this second : )



  239.  #239Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    Starla @ 208,

    LOL! C’mon girl – that’s sweet! No puking to it.

    It’s funny how when we switch our vibe, the way lots of people treat us changes, no?



  240.  #240Daria on January 5, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    i want to ask my sister psychically to forgive me but pyschically i feel like i dont deserve forgivness

    i rememberd tlaking to CD last nite about a time i got mad at./ and shut out my old best friend for doing something that to inner me looks quite similar to what i’ve “done” to my sister

    im really taking on guilt here

    whoa

    mm

    i feel guilty for gogin cold on best friend for it

    and i feel guilty for ‘doing’ it to sister

    and i still want to do ‘it’ because its not actually anything bad just sharing love and familyness

    ugh
    puke

    love me



  241.  #241Starla on January 5, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    i <3 heels. I should go buy some expensive ones in hopes that they'll be more comfortable.



  242.  #242lk on January 5, 2012 at 8:00 pm

    omg though for real i don’t have a problem. i’m going to bed soon i feel exhausted.

    WHOA just realized it’s been infinity moments since i played my stereo loudly – going to do that & stretch before i melt into my bed

    & also, thank you Universe for sending me the nicest landlords ever who just think it’s funny that i can’t for the life of me ever pay my rent on time… i told M today that i had recruited a couple people to remind me when they were paying their rents so i could remember & she offered to txt me reminders too if she remembers : ))) awww i feel so safe right now.



  243.  #243lk on January 5, 2012 at 8:01 pm

    by i don’t have a problem i mean that there is no dire need for a reservation : )



  244.  #244Tiffany on January 5, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    mmm…smartness.

    I am so amazed and impressed that Rori has managed to include so many ideas in so few words!

    (I need to work on that…;)

    But this really does speak to me.

    I’ve realized, in recent year/s that “smartness” and “being smart” are very important to me. If people don’t think I am smart, or if I feel like they don’t, then I feel all squirmy. I don’t like it. I feel offended, even.

    And all I remember is, growing up, I was always rewarded for my smartness. As in, when I was “smart” in some way, that’s when my parents showed me lots of love and affection. If I was smart, or if I was sick. lol. So basically, those are my two ways to “get love” I suppose.

    Even though someone loving me has really nothing to do with my intelligence. But that’s the correlation that’s been set down in my mind.

    And I love it when guys are smart. But I don’t limit myself to “smart” guys. As one woman pointed out, there are many different kinds of intelligence. I appreciate the difference between my brand of smart and someone else’s. But I suppose I have little patience for someone who exhibits a lot of true “stupidity” in a way that wastes my time. Plus, I like to be able to hold an intelligent conversation with someone. So if I’m not able to connect with him, then it won’t work. But I certainly don’t judge based on IQ.

    However…I do wonder. I notice that I do a thing sometimes – with anyone – where I make myself “smart” and the other person “stupid.” Or at least not-as-smart-as-me. It happens in a split second with what feels like an innocent comment. And only afterward do I realize what I’ve done.

    lk, what you said about being with your dad resonated with me. I always wanted to be my dad’s “friend,” too. I wanted him to think I was “cool” and of course smart. If I had my dad’s approval, life was good. If I didn’t, then obviously I needed to make some adjustments!

    Just recently, I noticed that my dad often makes me feel “stupid” when I talk to him. And I’ll call him on it. But just like when I do it, I believe he has NO idea. He makes comments that for him are just conversation. But the effect on me is that I feel like the biggest idiot on earth. And then I spend a lot of energy defending myself and my intelligence to him, to get back on the hallowed ground of smartness again. And he’ll usually deny having lost any respect for me. But the feelings are POTENT.

    I suspect that he sustained a lot of “you’re stupid” type comments from his parents when he was younger. I have no way to prove this, of course. And he barely talks about his childhood. But it’s just the way things come out. He’ll call himself and idiot, all the time.

    Oy. So here we go. Daddy issues and smartness.

    It is so hard to leave the idea of being smart behind because I feel so attached to my dad. (And my mom was in on it, too. Double trouble. But I don’t put much value on her opinion.) And because that has become such an endemic part of who I am.

    Although, to be fair, even if no one loved me for being smart, I would probably still be smart. Let’s face it. I’m a nerd who always loved books and just couldn’t wait to go to school. It’s true. And I love being smart. It feels good. But it makes me sad to think that being smart means that someone else has to be stupid. It really doesn’t work that way. 🙁



  245.  #245blue rose on January 5, 2012 at 8:02 pm

    yes to rori’s question. i have often felt like i had to be less than what i am around a guy. in fact, i’ve even generalized it – sometimes i even allow girls i pity to put me down.

    but i’m working on it. i don’t want a guy i pity. i want a guy who is madly in love with me.

    the guy who i’m the craziest about right now is very smart and masculine energy, but he might not be that into me. but i don’t pity him at all, and i know he likes that i’m smart, and that he thinks i’m beautiful.

    i once dated a guy who was so ugly, and he had the nerve to comment on my love handles! i’m not fat, i feel like he just said that because he was insecure.

    but yes, i’ve done that many times.



  246.  #246Susan on January 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    RE: 63: mali says:

    “My boundary on POF is that I don’t share my facebook with people I’m dating or could potentially date.

    One man wrote in his profile that he wouldn’t take people seriously who didn’t want to share their facebook. That it means they can’t prove who they say they are.

    I’m scared I’m being prudish and uptight. It’s my boundary, but I’m feeling scared of judgements, and insecure… 🙁 ”

    Mali,

    There is nothing preventing you from having a second FB. you could have one just for CDs and potential CDs. Just a thought.



  247.  #247Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    I’m not super into heels but I love boots!

    Oh yes, I could wear boots with everything. Sexy, sleek, sporty boots, yum!



  248.  #248Tiffany on January 5, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    Also – it is dangerous to go into a relationship with the idea that you are “too smart” for a man.

    Especially if the idea is that ALL MEN are too stupid for women.

    THAT one I got from my mom…



  249.  #249Starla on January 5, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    lk i get a cashiers check for rent made up around the 20th or so for the next month…i still pay my rent at the last possible second, lol. that’s nice that your landlords think it’s cute. mine just put threatening notices on my door hahaha but they dont scare me



  250.  #250Tiffany on January 5, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Ladies, I just had the cutest conversation with my Canadian pen pal this evening!!

    We actually got into a kind of a “fight” almost. lol.

    He said something that I overreacted to. I sent back a bunch of emails – not all of them related – but then after a few, I realized it was too much. I apologized for overreacting and I stopped.

    Then he told me what he really meant and recommended that I take a breath before taking things so personally (he does have a point;) . Part of me wanted to defend myself and make lots of excuses, but instead I just apologized – again.

    And then I added, “Is there anything more you need from me?”

    Those were like magical words, I swear…:)

    So basically, we fought and made up. Over email! lolol

    For me, it’s just good practice. Even if it’s not “for real.” I still get to practice different kinds of communication, and appreciate the fact that he likes me – even if it is just email!

    I feel all girly and warm and soft and squishy inside 🙂

    And my throat’s a little scratchy so I think I’ll go to bed early tonight.

    sweet dreams, ladies! xoxo



  251.  #251Daria on January 5, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    i am a really fuchked up friend.

    like i would not want a friend who does that to me

    and my CD talk kinda got me thinking in that direction.

    and all of this is just like judemetn and untrue and a whole lot of judgemetn and unworthiness and ish



  252.  #252Dominique on January 5, 2012 at 8:55 pm

    April Rose – Reading back what I wrote about heels and RR, I realize that it could have been read as a harsh tone. There was a reason I used the word definitely, and maybe it wasn’t the best word choice, for it’s not my place to share why, but I want you to know that this is not how I meant it to be read.

    How is that for a run on sentence. lol

    One day I want to own a pair of Christian Louboutin heels. sigh and smile

    xxoo



  253.  #253Daria on January 5, 2012 at 9:09 pm

    yay Daria thank you for showering and feeding me 🙂



  254.  #254Daria on January 5, 2012 at 9:16 pm

    you know I think that i am a coward

    i was in the shower thinking i feel realy mad at you DAria, for not doing the stuff i want you to do to protect me

    (actually mad at an imaginary man but its really me)

    like man, you were supposed to call up my sister and talk to her clearly and frimly and le ther know wthat we respect and that Daria loves her, but that talking to Daria in thea way hurtrs her feleings and you dont like that

    and that Daria is not trying to fuchk with her babydaddy

    and Daria loves her very much

    i feel so mad at you for not taking care of this and letting me suffer through this awful feeing of fear.

    More.

    the reason i dont want to not stop haniging with my brother is this feels so uncomfortalbe to say, cuz of our friend group

    it makes me feel cool to hang out with friends from this group (all guys except for… ME!)

    and be honored by them

    if i cut out my brother then no one will honore me and ill lose a way to secure my standing in the gourp

    and i dont want that

    like so much of my self esteemed is tied up into that ‘they’ these cool ass they have ‘asllowed’ me in to their group

    and also a lot in that this woman who is so cool actually has decided to call me her sister

    who am i without that?

    a sorry ass nobody like everyobody else, nothing cool to brag about, no cool, gangsta novel type life,

    just wasting away hoping for the chance to fnid somebody cool to take me in

    kinda like i was all through midle school

    just praying for one chance that the popular kids will want to be my freind so i can be cool and popluar

    and maybe its time to heal this

    so i want ot heal this

    likethis WHOLE huge thing

    i am asking for all the help i need to heal this



  255.  #255Daria on January 5, 2012 at 9:18 pm

    you know what that 7th Chakra tapping opened me up to praying so i was able to pray right now for all this to heal

    yay

    that felt warm and comforting and good

    mmm



  256.  #256Daria on January 5, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    Starla i do <3 you i did not mean to imply i didn't consider you a friend.

    i feel like i don't have any friends here likein touchy local form



  257.  #257Starla on January 5, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    lol@ “touchy local form”

    palpable pals



  258.  #258Daria on January 5, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    u know what i feel scared writing about this but

    i feel really mad

    liek

    i felt humiliated to have this woman VW hate on my efforts to share healing with the world

    like right now even when i donate cash to margaret everyone will be like

    reticent to accept the program for me because

    of her efforts to make me look bad

    no matter i do this woman has like pissed and shitted all over me with her tears about how much its hurting her

    that im doing sometihng with a gift i received

    like its none of her business how does she even know that 2 other people didnt gift me that program

    like ist his take back gifts time…

    and then at the same time it feels bad to see a gift given to someone else

    but still

    this wasnt about that this was about sharing

    and now its all sabotaged cuz of someones limited beliefs and ish

    i feel really hateful and separate

    everyones looking at me like mean daria and they propbably would feel awful to accept stuff from me now because of her

    this woman who got hella stuff from me then went and like pissed on me

    wowowwwww!

    i hate this woman!

    like looking at me, i would totally judge me and not trust me

    like look at evil daria, ignoring someones tears!

    that ALWAYS happens to me and i get put in that villain position

    cuz i shut down when people are crying and at the same time trying to control me

    and i look really cold

    but i was actually trying to share healing with the world!!!

    WTF!

    i want to heal this already

    i feel angry at like everyone judging me

    i wish all judgers would disappear from the earth

    wait no

    ok

    i just wish we all stopped that!

    ok im doing it now so its all in my mind

    i just wanted to write it out my anger as it came to me to see if i got some healing from it

    and you know what FUCHK everyone and

    actually i feel pist that people were all writing her and apologizing like she has a right to control and they have a right to be in my business about this!!

    wow

    and people are so weak and snivvely

    i hate that shit!

    i hate women!

    really!

    i DO HATE WOMEN

    CANOOT trust them

    FULL OF DRAMA

    ALWAYS TURN ON YOU

    I WANT TO HEAL THIS

    there HAVE to be some cool women

    mmmm

    im sure there are cool women

    they will probably turn on you too

    i will probalby turn on people cuz im a woman

    wow i suchk

    this doesnt feel good hmmm

    i intend to heal all this judgement and anger

    what do i feel !!!

    rage and powerlessness

    and sad

    and fear

    isnt it cray!!!!!

    and now in the future when i share my gifts with people i expect that there will be poeple out there trying to sabotage me just like this

    I CANT BELIEVE THIS WOMAN REALLY LIKE REALLY SUCCESSFULLY SABOTAGED AN EFFORT TO SHARE HEALING WITH PEOPLE

    OH
    M
    G

    that just feels so damn unfair

    i feel so frustrated and powerless!!!!!!!

    now i just want to shut down and say who cares

    who cares about the other people wanting healing

    i mean if they really want it they will ask

    im glad i can heal me

    and no more trusting women?

    that doesnt feel good

    i dont want to make that vow

    im just sitting here with anger

    twiddling my thumbs

    that doesnt feel good!

    i wana do something violent

    i wanna cut them off in some way

    thsi is SO ME

    mmm
    i love me

    makes me smile

    i feel terribly unsafe

    i TOTTALY judge me for being strong unyielding and cold



  259.  #259Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    Daria: I wonder if you are abandoning yourself in some way…ala Margaret Lynch.



  260.  #260Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    i mean Margaret Paul



  261.  #261Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    “Start paying attention to your feelings, and whenever you feel angry or resentful, notice what you are telling yourself and how you are treating yourself that is causing these feelings. I know you believe these feelings are being caused by others, but this is not true. They are being caused by your own self-abandonment: giving yourself up to please others; judging yourself; turning to alcohol to numb your feelings rather than taking responsibility for them; and blaming others for your feelings.

    “Imagine that you have an older, wiser self whom you can turn to for the truth. We have all been programmed with hundreds of false beliefs about ourselves, others and the world, and these lies cause us much pain. When you become aware of one of these lies, such as ‘I’m not good enough’, or ‘No one ever appreciates me,’ imagine your older wiser self and ask ‘What is the truth?’ and ‘What is the loving action toward myself?’ As you learn to appreciate yourself and treat yourself better, you will find your anger going away.

    http://margaretpaul.com/self-improvement-personal-growth/no-one-appreciates-me



  262.  #262Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    and while im at it that woman AG really pissed me off too

    i hella looked up to her and ish and felt like she supported me and then shes all like
    ohh yourse suchkin my energy

    um what?

    make up your fantasiez with someone else woman

    that shit suchked

    and what shuchked too was not responding and just basically swallowing mya nger

    im like ‘ if eel angry’

    but just yelling and talking sih like this feels better right now

    it feels like a river

    then it usually feels bad after tho

    everyone is all ass kissy like oh you sound so soft and ish when i dont attack people

    but if i dont attachk people … I JUDGE MYSELF AS WEAK

    and i cant really handle too much of that

    SO GET UP OFF ME

    im being irritable with CDs on the phone like what do you want mothafuchja!!!

    even this morning i told a cd look you can call but im done texting

    FUCHK THAT MAN!!!

    ESSSHHHHHH

    RORI SHOULD ASK ME TO LEAVE CUZ I AM NOT BEING NICE

    I AM ATTACHKIN EVERYBPDY

    well not everybody

    everybody i feel attachked or judged by

    scorchem with the fire scorcher

    rarrrgh

    i msure lots of people will push their glasses otu and peek out from behind their dogma books and say

    “sniff, well, oh my you dnot say… i really think this shoudl be outlawed, dont you dear? ”

    lets throw her in jail!

    (thats what they do to outlaws you know its violence and slavery)

    who is they?

    the sniffly people’s bachkup which is

    who?

    some fools trained to think they’re fighting ‘bad guys’

    and since i think that way – but in the opposite form

    im trained too!

    lovely!!

    ?JUST FANTASTIC

    SCRAMB:E

    PUT DOWN THE VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER

    and press start over

    i want to choose a different world now



  263.  #263Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    ok so judging myself and blaming others for my feelings is causing my feelings

    ?

    that last one is a lil circular margaret paul

    i mean, youre saying, i know you blame others for your feelimgs, but they’re actually caused by blaming others for your feelings

    so its like… wait but before i blamed them i alraeyd felt em

    :/



  264.  #264Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    im like on hte verge of a nevrous breakdwon these days



  265.  #265Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    i like this me

    this me that ‘loses it’

    i respect this me

    shes strong and real and hones and driect and doenst care aobut others feelings

    i like it when people can do that

    not like me who is always like omg they feel bad, oh i gotta make sure they feel ok , oh no, oh wah wah

    im gonna listen to them talk shit to me but not say nothing so THEY dont get mad



  266.  #266Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    what is the truth?

    the truth is i feel really upste

    what is a loving action towards myself?

    writing this ish down here is a lovnig action

    yayy



  267.  #267Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Luahging Goddess – yes im sure i am

    i mean for sure im blaming others for my feelings

    and also im judging myself

    and im damn people pleasing in some of the instances and im judging myself for that

    so me blog yelling and blaming is actually NOt people pleasing which feels really empowering right now

    im looking up to daria like Whoa thats a bad bit*ch

    i like that!

    i WANT to yell at peopel and be mean

    maybe ill just embrace that?

    how about that!

    thats what my sister does!
    ha!

    i also like to be kind to people

    AND i like to yell and be mean

    nice

    hmmm
    interesting



  268.  #268Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    Sorry to hear you are feeling bad, Daria. I can relate as I’ve been feeling a bit on the edge of a nervous breakdown too.

    Things will get better though, I promise. They always do. The dark times will pass.

    I would just say, keep loving yourself as much as you possibly can.

    Keep believing in yourself and your dreams.

    I know that VW is an open and loving siren. I’m imagining she got triggered because of her own beliefs around what is the right thing to do. I can understand where she is coming from. I feel okay trading programs with a few close friends, but not with a ton of people. It just goes against my personal belief system. Not to say it’s necessarily wrong, but I feel bad about it.

    I’m imagining that she felt guilty by association.

    I understand and respect your beliefs and desires around money and gifting, yet not everyone has those same beliefs.

    And our beliefs are always in a state of flux as we get new information, have new experiences, and new problems to solve.

    Which is a good thing, because it means we can change those limiting beliefs but it also means we can’t cling too tightly to our beliefs or expect others to have the same ones as ours.

    Gosh, I’m noticing that I feel really scared to post this for fear that it will just p*ss you off.

    I hope not.



  269.  #269Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 10:21 pm

    Starla @ 241,

    They don’t have to be expensive. Think: Nordstrom’s Rack, DSW, Ross (good shoes are harder to find at Ross these days, but the other two – no prob). Especially if you hit the sale aisle at DSW and the sale tags at NR (I think they change the color every week), you can get some killer deals.



  270.  #270Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:21 pm


  271.  #271Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    Omg! I love grandma dancing in the background!



  272.  #272Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    just imagiing these triggering people as parts of me i judge and

    yes lik ei said i judge people who attack and threaten like my sister

    and i judge me for doign it… like right now!

    ANDDDD>….

    i also judge myself when i feel upset about somethign and “ruin” a good thing for a whole group of people

    and i think i judge myself for not being grateful and loyal even when it hurts as mucgh as they want to those who helped me

    like my sister

    hmmm

    i wanna heal this



  273.  #273Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Hmmm…. Authentic communication. I feel pleased when Sirens communicate authentically here.

    I feel weird that I don’t always speak authentically.

    My dad just kind of blurts out whatever he’s thinking with no heed as to how the other person will be affected by it. I’ve noticed that for a long time. And I don’t want to be like him. I feel alienated from him when he does it and apparently, so do many other people.

    So where do I draw the line on authentic communication? If it bothers me to read what someone posts, do I just not read it, or do I tell them I feel uncomfortable?

    I think, if I can do something (such as get away from the situation, like I am with my dad, presently), I should do so. Only if someone is in my face do I communicate how I feel.

    I’m not sure. I’m feeling conflicted on this. On the one hand, being authentic is important to me. On the other, I don’t have to say everything I think and feel.

    Eventually, I will let my dad know what’s up. When I can be authentic, transparent and vulnerable. Right now, I feel too angry. I can appreciate him – I feel grateful for the things he taught me. He has many traits I value, but I don’t believe having a relationship with him serves my highest good. I feel too bad for too long when I feel like he turns on me.

    I’m still processing all of this, and practicing on people I know won’t be mean. Baby steps.

    It feels supremely effed up to me that since the time I was 16 I’ve built my own little family of friends. I feel more supported and unconditionally loved by them than I do my dad. I feel safer and more comfortable with them than I do my dad.

    I feel want to disown my dad and designate my brother as my honorary father. Is that horrible?



  274.  #274Starla on January 5, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    thank you starla for showering
    thank you starla for shaving
    thank you starla for washing all my clothes
    thank you for finally trying sweetpea’s dryel dry cleaning suggestion and dry cleaning a sexy sweater dress for your dinner date tomorrow

    errrrrrrrr looking forward so much to my dinner date feels bad

    probably because he hasn’t confirmed
    but after 6 months of him always showing up i suppose i should just count on us having dinner plans if he says so earlier in the week.

    maybe i should make a backup plan so i feel less shaky



  275.  #275Sweetpea on January 5, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    Grandma rocks. That’s awesome!

    Thanks Daria.

    Good night Sirens.



  276.  #276Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 10:45 pm

    Goodnight, Sweetpea
    sweet dreams!



  277.  #277Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    oops writing that i had a glimpse how this is not about VW at all

    sorry VW!

    she probably will be too triggered to forgive me but hey

    (thats something else i want to heal )

    and i judge me for letting down and being mean to people that were being nice and supportive to me (like my lil cousin… so guilty for yelling at her once years ago)

    hmmm

    and i judge me for bieng too self involved to see its all my stuff

    like here!

    i SO judge me for having written those posts !

    instead of instantly realizing this is about me!

    and i judge me for getting jealous over a man

    and i judge me for accusing my friend of spending too much time wiht a man i like

    i mean i judge me as being controlling and pathetic and gross energies

    but this biatch almost kisssssssed guy who!

    i judge me for liking and kissing guys she liked before

    wow

    i want to forgive msyelf

    i want to heal ALL THIS

    this is TOO MUCH TO HEAL DARAI!

    NO !!!

    Goddesss i want to heal all of it even if i have those thoughts that its too much to heal

    thanks

    ohhh

    and i judge myself for punking people when i have all the bachk up

    AND i judge me for using people as friends for status

    and security

    and i want to heal that!

    im still feeling mad at AG

    i feel kinda scared of VW

    ok i also feel cold shut off from lilybelle on the blog

    so i must judge myeslf for being scared, for not taking responsibility for what i say/write, and for judging people that supported me

    hmmm

    i want to heal all this!!

    ok how do i feel now

    i feel scaerd VW wont forgice me or be close to me so

    i must judge myself as unforgiving and cold and self righteous

    and falsely outward warm

    and wanting to be close to people for my personal benefit

    yes i DO

    judge myeslf for this

    i want to heal this!!!

    ok now how do i feel?

    ohhh i feel sad i wrote those things that will be so triggering to read!

    so i judge myself for not being able to let go of anger and forgive

    omgosh yes!!

    ew i do NOT want to forgive whatshername who got with Getright

    i feel scared that will bring her back in my life and i kept feeling icky and turned off and suspcious and closed off and judging mysefl as cold hard and villainous hanging out with her.

    so i must put people in the villain postion and i judge myself for that

    mmm i do Do this!!!

    like blaming them!

    i just did it

    i want to heal this

    ok how do i feel

    i still feel really stony cold towards AG

    i will NOT forgive that hoover vacuum description of me

    ok maybe its true then? maybe i suck peoples energies/?

    ummm ok yeah like absorbing them yeah

    i feel sad

    like not seen tho

    hmmm

    sigh

    i hate peopel that turn on other people just cuz their reptuation is at stake

    and I SOOO DO THAT!!

    i did that just now with VW cuz i was mad that my reputation looked bad

    wow

    i want to forgive msyelf

    i dont want to judge me

    i want to heal this

    mmm

    i judge people for not loving me enough to not want to hurt me

    so i judge me for not loving people enough to not want to hurt them

    omgosh!!

    i judge myself for not loving my sister or vw enough to not want to hurt htem

    wow!!!!

    ok now how do i feel

    … distracted!!!!



  278.  #278Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:50 pm


  279.  #279Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    “On the one hand, being authentic is important to me. On the other, I don’t have to say everything I think and feel.”

    Reminds me of part of the Rori Raye mantra…choose your words.

    I’m questioning my thoughts and not believing everything I think. As a part of that, I am also being more conscious of what I say. I do believe words have power. Why feed negative thoughts further by expressing them outloud?

    It can be a fine balance for us people pleaser types, though. And I do feel envious of people like your dad, Sweetpea, who blurt out everything. But ultimately I don’t want to be like that.

    I hope things get better with your dad. I’m going through some tough stuff with my mom too. I’m really questioning whether it is healthy for me to have a relationship with her at all.

    At the same time, I am wanting to see this from different perspective…see the spirituality and connectedness of such a deep and important relationship in my life.

    I imagine that if I can get past feeling so triggered by her, some very deep healing could happen.

    RIght now though, I am taking space and not interacting with her. I am meditating and praying for healing though. And visualizing her sending me lots of love and me back to her.

    xoxo



  280.  #280Daria on January 5, 2012 at 10:53 pm

    now how do i feel

    well now i actually feel kinda calm and ish

    KINDA

    im still judging my sis for not seeing that all i want is for us to be a family and for her to be happy

    ok so i judge me for not seeing that all someobdy wants is for us to be a family and me to be happy

    ohhhhhhh like my parents

    hahahahaa

    magic mirror!

    i want to heal this!!!



  281.  #281Daria on January 5, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    LG – i dont feel pist off

    i do feel somewhat defensive as i was sahring the program with a few interested goddesses..

    not a ton of people

    althought to keep it real i do want to experiment with sharing with a whole lotta people too

    like have a den of free healing materials kinda like my blog has

    and if someone has a problem with me sharing healing cuz they feel enttitled to restrict it they can suchk it
    (and that’s something else to heal… aagh)

    i fele a lil overwhelmed

    ok so where do i judge myself for wanting to restirct and keep to myself and get reward and profit from my stuff instead of freely sharing with the world?

    well i guess with my art and expressions i judge myeslf for not wanting to let go of ti

    that and my silver power bracelet

    and not letting people sleep at my house

    well family house

    cuz at my hosue i did

    actually let people stay there for free

    hmmmm

    i want to heal this!

    but i feel boreD!!!

    id rather read the blog a lil more right nwo



  282.  #282Daria on January 5, 2012 at 11:04 pm

    sweetpea and starla, i feel so curious of thedryer dry cleaning suggestion !



  283.  #283Laughing Goddess on January 5, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    Daria:

    Thanks for pointing out the phrase ‘a ton of people’ was triggering.

    That crossed my mind and I don’t know why I left it in. I can see how it isn’t exactly accurate.

    I’m seeing how when I say little things like that, it sometimes shuts people down to my overall message. Something I can be more aware of.

    I’m getting ready to listen to this abraham on Why Do We Exist while I finish tidying up the kitchen. Feeling excited about it.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VH4g-dfjuQo&feature=related

    Sometimes I wonder what my purpose is in life.



  284.  #284Starla on January 5, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    it worked great…it brightened up and freshened up the clothes. I feel super happy for how great it worked. i bought mine at target, dryel makes it.

    I feel paranoid bad right now…like cf isn’t gonna confirm our date, he’s gonna blow me off, and he didn’t call me today either just texted really nice things… i feel anxious as though it already happened. i feel afraid he will do this and it will sabotage everything. i would feel really bad for a long time if a man just blew me off for a couple days after the first time we have sex after almost 6 months of dating blah blah blah and really bad if i got ready for a date that never ended up happening oh myyyyyy goodnessssss

    my brain is probably trying to protect me from getting hurt.

    i get scared when i have these paranoid thoughts because i worry that i will feel them (manifest them) into existence!!

    hmm i guess i’m not supposed to run from the thoughts and feelings but sink into the feelings.

    cuz the alternative is feeling like i need to somehow run from myself and my thoughts, and this feels so dang lame.

    i’m going to go do that, goodnight sirens



  285.  #285River Girl on January 5, 2012 at 11:34 pm

    Daria,

    “now how do i feel
    well now i actually feel kinda calm and ish”
    and
    “i want to heal this! but i feel boreD!!!”

    I know I am taking these comments of yours out of context and I haven’t been reading your posts very closely but I do feel curious about your process. I felt smiley when I read that you felt bored and chuckled a bit.

    I also feel a bit naughty to ask this as it feels a bit like stirring a hornets nest and might trigger you… gonna ask anyway. Are you really as angry and hurt as you say you are? Or are you just a bit bored and wanting to add a bit of drama to the day?

    Please don’t take these questions as an attack coz they aren’t intended that way. Just me wanting to understand a bit better. I totally accept your way of processing things.



  286.  #286River Girl on January 5, 2012 at 11:47 pm

    LG, I love flylady!

    She is spot on, all about Finally Loving Yourself.

    She helps me take better care of myself by helping me create the environment I deserve.

    I have a pattern of letting my home get into a bit of a mess, then feeling bad about having people see my home (read “see me”) in such a mess.

    Flylady’s funny little ways help me make a nice space for myself where I can relax and lean back. Yep, so in line with Rori!



  287.  #287Daria on January 5, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    wow river girl!

    that feels horrible and beyond infuriating (that replaces an attachk here)

    first of all

    second of all

    um yah

    i feel shaky that it must look to people like im not

    wow

    roolls eyes

    why cant anyone FUCHKIN SEE ME!!!!!



  288.  #288Daria on January 5, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    man FUCHK YOU



  289.  #289Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:00 am

    im thinking about leaving this blog

    fuchk thes bitc*hes

    i dont think i can handle this



  290.  #290Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:02 am

    and i dont mean everyone if you think i love you then i do

    unbelievable

    you must be the one who makes up drama for her boring days

    wow

    this ish takes away my fuchkin peace of miind and makes my body sichk you expletivE!!!



  291.  #291Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:07 am

    wow wow wow wow wow

    uhm do you need some drama in your day?

    i have fun days where men pichk me up everyday
    and i sleep the rest of the time

    and chill on the computer

    i dnot want drama

    unless im like glorified in it

    and this isn’t glorifying

    well

    acutally me attachking people does feel kidna glorifying

    it might feel kinda horrible tomorrow

    but uhm really

    LIKE

    WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO SAY THIS

    /BUT IT F?UCHKNI HURTS MY FEELINGS THAT YOU WOULD THINK IM ADDING DRAMA TO MY DAY

    WHENN IM FEELING ALL FUCHKED UP !!!!

    i feel like punching you in the teeth

    **

    i dont think you would give a fughk about my feelings

    (no daria i do give afuchk really )

    rolls eyes

    especailly after i just attachked you

    so just

    go away

    with your stupid judgements

    i hate you and hte world and people like you

    who can’t see me

    HATE them

    i hold them responsible for like genocide and slavery and all violence

    so there



  292.  #292Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:11 am

    oh i get it… and i still feel mad

    you read something about me feeling bored after my process and ilke you said took it outta context

    well dont do that then

    read the posts if you care or dont ask me fuchked up questions

    you knwo what

    im buot to just talk shit to people like

    my angry self just does

    just to see what happens

    im sure it will be horrible cuz it is for me with other blurters like my dad and godsister

    soooo

    it will make everyone get away from me

    but it will be cool to see and write down how my mind processes

    but i feel scared 🙁

    i dont want everyone to go away!

    AND…

    i don’t want them to feel bad

    well realy maybe i dno’t care very much right now

    but i know im supposed to care cuz they’re reflections of me

    so maybe i feel nto very caring about myself right now!!

    ohhhhh!!!

    wow!

    maybe its about that, like not caring about myself right now and instead abandoning myself to blame others!

    i want to heal this



  293.  #293Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:13 am

    RiverGIrl i feel VERY mistrustful of you in particular based on my impressions of you

    you seem like a judgemental analytical, in your head stuck on masculine ways of thinking kinda dry and tight lipped person



  294.  #294River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Sorry Daria, I didn’t mean to upset you, honestly. Just exploring, and genuinely curious because that is how you riffs appear to me sometimes. I see that is not the case so I apologise.



  295.  #295River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:14 am

    Yes, I am in many ways



  296.  #296Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:17 am

    and people like you vote for tougher laws and the death penalty

    and i DONT like that

    and i think i wish i could beat them all with a sack of potatos

    i feel very powerless right now i thin

    i feel kinda safe cuz i know SOMe people on the blog support me

    i normally woundt discolose that!

    so it gives me this safety blankness feeling

    but i think after a while they wont so i will be on my own

    again

    and i think im tending toward that

    throught my actions

    and that they support me is like an us vs them feeling

    and i want to heal that

    tho i think its impossible

    love to me

    ok im supposed to love me through this

    i LOVE you daria

    and i forgive you for attachking everyone

    i forgive you for taking their words personally

    i forgive you for thinking less of yourself

    i forgive you for allowing me to be wounded

    i forgive you for not attachking them and for attachking them



  297.  #297River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:19 am

    Actually Daria, people like me are totally opposed to the death penalty. I feel defensive.



  298.  #298Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:24 am

    people in my life grt killed or in danger and this biatch asks me if i want to add more drama to my day

    smh

    wow bit8ch!

    live in my shoes one time

    can u get our cousin outta jail?

    do u wanna fight my sister?

    do you want someone all in your business defaming you for trying to help people heal?

    do you want to be constantly harassed by police pulled out of cars to sit on the curb for hours for the driver not using the green light turn signal?

    do you want to see your man who has a prosthetic leg thrown to the ground on the floor?

    welcome to my drama free world bit8ch!

    this how my MONTH has been how bout yours?????????????

    i hate this world

    i hate people like you

    and i hate MYSELF for not having healed this to see past it

    and i HATE myeslf even more for not communicating in a way that i can be SEEN AND HEARD!!!

    and bi*tches just quickly dismiss it like,

    oh yeah um, something shallow

    i

    HAVE

    SO

    MUCH

    RAGE



  299.  #299Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:26 am

    i wish i could stop seeing Opressed and opressors

    i KNOW all poeple are the same but some of them look so snobby and fake and shallow to me!

    and i hate them and blame them!!!

    omgosh!!!!

    and i know its a mirro

    its a mirror

    where am i snobby and shallow and fake and not remotely able to relate to the lives of people who are full of rage and feel opressed?

    NO I DONT AWNT TO LOOK AT IT

    i AM RIGHT ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!

    i am digging in my heels!!!!!



  300.  #300Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:28 am

    whoa sorry RiverGirl …

    just got quicksee glimmer instant that this is not about you

    (tricked by my mind again )

    i do feel VERY mistrustful of you tho

    and judgemental



  301.  #301River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:30 am

    It’s not fair that all those things are in your life Daria, but is raging against the world helping?



  302.  #302River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:31 am

    I feel mistrustful of you too sometimes Daria which is why I usually keep quiet. I notice things you do but I don’t judge you anywhere near as hard as you judge yourself



  303.  #303Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:36 am

    cant focus

    midn spinning!!!!

    a lot of the people i learn wonderful things from and love and respect are caught in this

    us vs them battle

    its like, impossible to avoid when i feel opressed!

    but its not impossible

    thats just the part of it

    its a trick

    thats how it starts

    but who to blame

    where did this COME from

    does it matter?

    i feel mistrustful!!!!!!!

    mffff

    i want to heal this!!

    when i heal it i wont see it

    and is that good?

    if i dont see it wont i just turn into one of those shallow “useless” people that dont see it

    maybe ill vote for the dath penalty then or something

    ok i kinda ‘know’ that won’t happen

    ok i want forgiveness

    for everyeone and peace and love

    and i have a LOT of my identity and love invested in being a Warriro for the Opressed

    and if no one is opressed then what

    then i can rest heal and play with my family

    i am down

    ok

    i went wayyy off path

    and thats ok

    i wanted to speak my mind so i can SEE my mind

    its easier to see it on written out

    i want to heal all of this

    Goddess is not strong enough to heal it or else all this opression wouldnt have eneterd the world in the first place

    mmm

    argue that…

    im waiting

    that was then, this is now

    ok so if it was all in order to grow

    bit8ch you put me through all that to grow???!!!

    i mean you like straight up betrayed me

    and let horrible shit happen to people

    so much pain!

    wtf

    i don’t get it

    i mean i get it

    but i don’t want to accept it

    no, pain in people is not like muscles tearing and rebuilding

    you know what

    im still MAD

    and im RIGHT ABOUT THIS

    AND I DONT WANT TO LET GO OF THIS

    YOPU CANT MAKE ME

    ok if its gonna feel good for me then maybe yeah

    ok i wanna heal it

    ok im open to see wht the divinity is in it

    ouch !

    i feel curious ok?

    fine

    i hope im not being tricked again…



  304.  #304Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:40 am

    i geuss raging the world is helping

    me not explode or get depressed



  305.  #305Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:41 am

    i am crying now

    thats always a good thing



  306.  #306River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:43 am

    I didn’t start to feel better until I stopped raging.



  307.  #307Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:45 am

    i feel hesitant in my heart to say this

    but thanks River girl

    i still feel kinda mad and closed off so i hesitated cuz i dont want to show more love than i feel

    but i felt surprised and opened when you just said some not so attacky things right now

    tho im not sure about that thinga bout judging me, i was like shrug how do you know what really?

    and i felt kinda annoyed when you asked if raging against teh world is helping cuz im like duh thats what we’re learning here

    but along with that (besides that) it felt very calming and safe

    .

    i feel all throat tightened about saying all that
    mfff

    oh i feel vulnerable thats what it is



  308.  #308River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:52 am

    That thing about judging me, yep, I felt that too.
    Thank you for being gentler with me. I feel so uncomfortable around rage. I usually leave.



  309.  #309Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:56 am

    well i learned to do it on this blog

    showing rawness



  310.  #310Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:57 am

    ((Rivergirl))



  311.  #311Daria on January 6, 2012 at 12:58 am

    i feel vulnerable and kinda afraid to show and surprise dthat i feel all open and loving now



  312.  #312River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 1:04 am

    Thank you ((Daria)) I feel safe when you are soft.
    Guess I need to toughen up a bit eh?



  313.  #313River Girl on January 6, 2012 at 1:06 am

    No, I don’t need to toughen up. I have spent way too long looking after myself and being tough.. no bldy wonder I’m on my own



  314.  #314Daria on January 6, 2012 at 1:06 am

    next step for me is translating to feeling messages

    i dont want to feel like im LOSING soemthing

    losing power energy meaning

    by translating.

    itsa fear.

    hmm.

    but i can get MORE power once i do that

    babysteps



  315.  #315Daria on January 6, 2012 at 1:07 am

    i guess i do feel kinda shaky and judgemental about my raging

    i dont want to feel that way

    if i accept that i can do great boundaries w pepople who do it tome!

    love to me

    🙂



  316.  #316Ella on January 6, 2012 at 1:37 am

    April Rose and other,

    I do sometimes wear big heels… they are soooooo pretty!

    I do totter a bit in them though… it seems harder to walk easily as I am tall.

    I get on better with sexy boots, and wear these regularly. And I wear kitten heels for work (the pub not my Zumba classes! Lol).



  317.  #317Daria on January 6, 2012 at 1:37 am

    “Moon in Capricorn

    If you have a Moon in Capricorn, you were conditioned to believe that suffering, hard work, and religion was placed above your personal enjoyment. Therefore, you tend to either overwork yourself or not engage in activities for leisure purposes because you believe that you are not allowed to experience joy. Many times, children who have this Moon were forced to give up their childhood and take on many responsibilities. Could be due to either having an ill parent and you had to help out excessively. Perhaps the other reason could have been you had a very strict upbringing. If you were raised to work, and you worked since you were a child (child labor) and never had a chance to experience life as a child, you would have never known what joy really felt like. The feeling of never experiencing joy left a huge karmic imprint on your soul at the time of your death in your last life. Many of those who have a Capricorn Moon end up realizing that it is okay to experience joy of some kind after they reach middle age, or after raising a family. Others can be inspired to work hard at achieving their goals by your presence.”

    http://www.pastlifeastrology.net/2011/01/31/what-your-moon-sign-reveals-about-your-previous-lives/



  318.  #318Daria on January 6, 2012 at 1:38 am

    mmm… me tryina hurry up…

    i “made” a family to caretake so i could be ready…

    and i learned its ok to feel good



  319.  #319Daria on January 6, 2012 at 1:41 am

    ‘when you play by the rules, only those around you are happy’



  320.  #320mali on January 6, 2012 at 2:35 am

    @92- Daria: I agree, and understand. Still feels scary though 🙁

    @131- FW: Thankyou 🙂

    @134 – Aurora Girl… How you felt reading my post. If telling me that he is entitled to write whatever he wants to, I already know that on a logical level… but the way I feel about it is different.

    I felt scared reading him saying that a person who can’t share fb isn’t who they say they are… I would find a response to my feelings (being scared) so beneficial.

    I.e. why are you scared, mali? Why is it triggering you?

    Or even validation- Don’t feel scared!

    @246- Susan:

    Thankyou for the suggestion! =)



  321.  #321Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 2:50 am

    Mali I am assuming that you don’t want any more feedback from me but I will give just this last one. I have learned that we can make a vow never to be like our parents which has a shadow side to it. That is a commitment to be like them. When I read your first comment it sounded controlling to me. Now I read what you wrote to Aurora Girl about what would be beneficial and again it sounds controlling. However I did not sense you asking for that in your first comment so now how would someone know that is what you want. Also if that is what you want I guess you could also give it to yourself. Now I go to the comments about your mother who from my experience of what you have written have been controlling and smothering you? And I say to myself hhhmm I wonder if telling people this is the only way you should talk to me is a bit controlling too? I wonder if you are (eeekkkk) mature enough to bring it back to yourself and see if you can see your mother in you here?



  322.  #322Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 2:55 am

    Now that I have written that I feel scared



  323.  #323mali on January 6, 2012 at 2:59 am

    @321- FW

    Oh, no- it’s not that I don’t want any more feedback from you. and I don’t want to be seen as trying to control a person.
    I can’t control what a person says or does, and I don’t want to… but I do want to be able to express what I need. And you are under no obligation to do as I ask.

    But it is what I want, when I am spoken to. And it is how I want to feel. And so it is important that I say what I want directly. However whether a person does that… that is not upto me.

    The idea of being like my mother scares me so much though!



  324.  #324mali on January 6, 2012 at 3:02 am

    Also, please don’t fear how I will react! I really appreciate your honesty with me, FW.

    And what I was going to write to you, but forgot… you don’t need to say sorry. What I’m realising is that triggers aren’t caused by a person… my feelings are my own, and so if I feel a certain way, that’s my stuff coming up. More than anything, I should thank a person for triggering me, because it’s showing me where I need to heal… So thankyou, FW.



  325.  #325Daria on January 6, 2012 at 3:02 am

    ‘That’s the secret of “having fun in time” – bringing up the intensity, and the frequency, of good times being had, with a will, and with a vengeance!’

    Sylvia Hartmann

    ohhhh ok! i want MOER so i will bring up the intensity of mine with some boy energy (maybe)

    or some girl

    and just REALLY get into them



  326.  #326Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 3:04 am

    It scares me too but as I get more aware I have to admit that I keep seeing myself in her. It is the work here that has helped me to look at her through eyes of compassion that she was doing the best she knows how. She still triggers me yes, but I feel more empowered now to change my patterns from what I learned from her. She had no help to do any better, I do so I am trying to change myself for our generations in the future.

    That felt soothing to write and acknowledge.



  327.  #327Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 3:05 am

    That you too Mali for helping me to deepen my healing.



  328.  #328Daria on January 6, 2012 at 3:05 am

    FW – i feel put off reading “mature enough” cuz to me its awareness

    i guess it has to do something with maturity but there are plenty of old people who don’t use awareness to bring it back to themselves

    not sure if you could call an 96 year old immature…

    i feel kinda uncomfortable reading “mature/not mature” that directed toward Mali… it feels unfair and seems a bit shaming



  329.  #329Daria on January 6, 2012 at 3:07 am

    i guess my intention writing that was to ‘help’ you FW and get you to stop saying that word to Mali

    sorry for doing that totally in your business controlling

    but i did think that you might Want to hear tweaks on that but maybe not

    overall the tone of your comment felt warm and comforting to me



  330.  #330Daria on January 6, 2012 at 3:09 am

    that quote might not be directly from sylvia after all

    ! ha i knew there was a reason i didn’t feel like putting her name on it



  331.  #331mali on January 6, 2012 at 3:16 am

    @ FW- 326: that gives me hope… I could see, when I was younger, tendencies of being a perfectionist.

    I’m also VERY sensitive to things- emotions, sights, sounds, energy… just as she is.

    I’m quite sure that when she was younger, she would stuff her emotions, which led to her nervous breakdown, and so now she can’t contain any negative emotion without usually a very big outburst. I’m trying to make sure I am not the same when I am older. Trying to set a boundary of caring for myself first, acknowledging what I need, and then others. And expressing and honouring my feelings.

    As for the controlling streak- it runs in our family… I was in Dubai for a couple of weeks, and my Mothers’ father has a controlling nature… and my mother now has that.

    *sigh* I’m going to make sure I’m more aware of this, and ensure that I can express my needs and emotions without making them feel as though they have to do that.

    For me, I sometimes feel that expressing our feelings in FM’s is like magic- it’ll make a man do as we want him to. But that’s not the case- I need to be able to express how I feel, and leave the space for him to step up if he wants to or not… and if he doesn’t, I need to be okay with it.

    Hmmm….



  332.  #332Daria on January 6, 2012 at 3:42 am

    im feelin better now!

    im feelin all steady and stable and not like somebody stabbed me

    yay!!!



  333.  #333Daria on January 6, 2012 at 4:56 am

    online man: you bear a striking resemblance to the girl i lost my virginity to. im willing to make the same mistake twice if you know what im saying…

    LOOOL! 🙂 hahaha



  334.  #334Jilly on January 6, 2012 at 5:20 am

    Lizka….YAY!!!! 🙂 I ready your post…so glad things went better for you the last two days…I feel happy hearing that!!!

    Sirens…

    I am practicing seeing the relationship bubble as “me and the universe” if I’m leaning forward then I push the universe out so it can’t help me as much and I’m not open to receiving as much, unless I’m being a “rockstar”!!!. I see this as another combination of Rori and Abraham 🙂 So it really helps me manage my VIBE in all areas (the Art of Allowing)…this feels brilliant to me!!!! And I’m seeing how everything feels a little different.. even better…exercise, work (getting clients), networking events….this feels beautiful 🙂



  335.  #335Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 5:26 am

    RE 331 Mali that sounds like your younger self was very into her 2nd Chakra and experiencing the world from there, through her senses. It would be great if you could get back there where you are so sensitive to the outside world. My sense of Rori’s teaching it is that she is encouraging us to go back there by telling us to bring our thoughts to our pelvis, relax all the muscles down there, lean back, bring our attention down there and feel what our bodies are telling us. It seems to me that if you can get a clear image in your mind of that little girl and going back to her and how she felt before she experienced things that caused her to shut down would be priceless for you.

    Yes we have to learn expressing our needs so someone else can hear us is the key, is my opinion. We tend to assume that just because we say it or we believe that we are good communicators people understand what we are saying. Sometimes I believe, they have to process it internally before they can really absorb or understand what we are saying. We have to give them that space to do so.

    I have to say I am really proud of you for paying attention to these things so early in life. I feel like I went through my whole life before becoming aware.



  336.  #336Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Jilly not sure I understand. Are you saying you and the universe are in the bubble? Or are you saying that the Universe is the bubble?



  337.  #337April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 5:29 am

    Mali 324 says
    ” I should thank a person for triggering me, because it’s showing me where I need to heal”
    Thanks Mali. Simple, clear and true.

    Dominique 252,
    Thanks for the (unintended) trigger. It brought up something that I most definitely want to heal. I want it to be witnessed by you glorious sirens that I open and embrace the magical, goddess world of the feminine and all the feelings there are. Including the delicious sensation of stepping forward and seeing my own foot in a gorgeous, sexy high-heeled shoe.

    p.s. Dominique, you have intrigued me no end by saying that you can’t say something.

    So, Rori – wouldn’t you consider wearing some outrageous heels?



  338.  #338Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 5:33 am

    BTW Mali in Reconnect Rori encourages us to stomp around in a room, or shake our hands to move the energy around when we are angry rather than stuffing it down because we really don’t have to say anything. That is a way of feeling our feelings and taking care of ourselves. No need to think that there is only one way to take care of ourselves, in other words expressing it.

    As a matter of fact I have taken up shaking myself to express my feelings in front of men. I find it causes them to die with laughter. I have done it with different people and pretty much got the same response. Seems that men can feel it or understand it.



  339.  #339April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 5:37 am

    River Girl,

    I’m feeling a lot of love for you. For hanging in with Daria.



  340.  #340Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 5:45 am

    It seems I have vowed not to have need, to get even with my parents who never seemed to have enough money to give me when I was growing up. I always wanted to grow up to earn money for myself so I would have no needs. I also have believed that I have to work hard to make money and to prove myself worthy. I also believed that I had to fight for everything because I had to take care of myself because no one else would.

    Yesterday my kids wanted me to spend and I was being resisting. Then it occurred to me I would love to be able to spend money on them just for fun. So I went ahead and bought what they wanted just for fun. It felt really good.



  341.  #341Jilly on January 6, 2012 at 5:47 am

    FW…lol…I know it may seem confusing…well the universe IS the bubble when we are “in” the bubble with a man…and this visual helps me so much that after reading almost all of Abraham-Hicks’s books I realized that I can apply towards the “Art of Allowing” too and if I can imagine the universe as a space (like a human) inside the bubble with me then I can FEEL my vibe with EVERYTHING and I LOVE this…it takes so much pressure off of me 🙂 Anyway I just thought I would share because it’s helped so much in ALL areas of my life 🙂

    AND by the way…you were right with E…he is/was testing my boundaries…he told me that he would be willing to drive down lol…but I had school that night 🙂 But he said that I seem so sweet through texting he wants to reach through and HUG me and hold me 🙂 awww…the magic of feeling messages 🙂



  342.  #342April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Be surprised!

    Feels great.



  343.  #343Jilly on January 6, 2012 at 5:49 am

    FM…yay…I feel happy reading that you spent money just for fun and it felt good! wahoo!!



  344.  #344Jilly on January 6, 2012 at 5:53 am

    ooops…I meant FW 🙂



  345.  #345Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 5:55 am

    Thanks for sharing that Jilly. Regarding E, I learned the boundary testing thing from Dr. Paul Dobransky. I would say that might be a pattern for E and it likely will come up again as he moves deeper and deeper into commitment and his fears start coming up. I believe you have CCarter’s From Casual to Committed, right? That’s where I heard this type of thing.



  346.  #346Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 5:56 am

    This year I am looking for opportunities to enjoy frivolous fun.



  347.  #347Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:03 am

    I am wondering what images the word carefree create for other sirens and what sensations it create in your bodies?



  348.  #348Jilly on January 6, 2012 at 6:11 am

    FW…do you have Dr. Pauls 7th sense program? just curious…I do and I love his philosophy 🙂 and yes I have Casual to Committed…I think I have every program out there lol…

    I can sense that E doesn’t quite know how to take me lol



  349.  #349Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Good morning Sirens..

    ……..catching up on the posts from last night….busy night…….want to comment on a couple of them..but wanted to wish everyone a peaceful day…..an open day….it’s Friday here before Monday when many things start up again for the new year (like school, work for some of us)……….I feel like I want to make it last as long as I can! lol

    xo
    Aurora



  350.  #350Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:14 am

    No I don’t have that one. It came across too “head” focussed and maybe too deep into psychology, though I keep reading his writing.



  351.  #351April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 6:18 am

    FW,
    In the UK the word carefree became a brandname for some pantyliners, so I’m looking past that filter to feel the word.

    I feel the breeze against my cheeks, and a light cotton dress caressing my thighs. I breathe. I’m in a summer field with a long, long hazy day of sunshine ahead. A picnic basket and a lover on a blanket next to me. Mmmmm……

    Carefree – no traffic, no fumes, no phones ringing…



  352.  #352Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:24 am

    @ 262 Daria

    I know this is yesterday’s news……..I’m not sure if I’m that “AG woman”…….maybe unless you meant the other AG on here…..it’s ok……

    I just want to say thank you for sharing that…I felt moved that you would be genuine and open about expressing how you felt, even in the midst of anger and all the other things you mentioned you felt.

    I think that takes courage.

    I feel good that I can express myself here too….even if it’s about sadness and the things that trigger me…..I know they are always about me and what’s moving around in my heart……no one is sucking my energy…….I am the gatekeeper of my heart and soul and mind…..I know that…..sometimes I forget and lose sight of the bigger picture…but I always try to come back to it. And when I do I feel better…

    so my dear Siren, yes I support you and all the sirens here….even when there is a whirlwind of activity and lots of emotions flying…..even in the midst of our darkest vulnerable moments there is support here….even when we don’t see it….it’s here……

    I think that’s the main point for me in relationships with men, other people, the universe for me…..there is always good,….there is always wellbeing……there is a wealth of support to guide me, love me, direct me…..

    if I let it.

    xo
    Aurora



  353.  #353Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:29 am

    Oh we have it here too April Rose.

    Thanks for the image. I am looking for things to embed in my unconscious mind so I can go to when I feel tense on dates.



  354.  #354Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:32 am

    RE 352 Aurora Girl I felt that in every cell of my body. I feel cells vibrating with peace and calm having read that. Thank you.



  355.  #355Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:35 am

    How are you feeling today April Rose?



  356.  #356Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:38 am

    @320 Mali

    “I would find a response to my feelings (being scared) so beneficial.

    I.e. why are you scared, mali? Why is it triggering you?

    Or even validation- Don’t feel scared!”

    Thanks for clarifying that Mali…….I see that you and FW moved through more on that and I appreciate what both of you wrote….

    I am hesitant to tell someone “don’t feel……” as in “don’t feel scared”…….that doesn’t sound like validation…it sounds like me trying to control how they feel………and not acknowledging how they feel…..

    For me….validating how they feel would sound more like “wow I hear your fear”……”it’s ok to be afraid……”…..”it’s ok be be aware that your’e afraid” and maybe even something about how their fear is touching me……”I feel open and want to support you as you feel afraid….I am here”….or sometimes “yes, this makes me afraid too”…….

    just as an aside……Sometimes I spin around trying to understand why I feel a certain thing……..one thing I’ve let myself do is “park” the “why” (ie, don’t worry about the why for a while) and just feel the feeling itself……like it’s energy that showed up and I just want it to move through me……..being the channel for it to move through me…..and then it does (it never lasts forever) and then later I can figure out why when my head and heart are clearer…….it’s such a relief to give myself that break for a change rather than trying to sort it all out in the moment……

    it helps me make healthier choices in relationships with men for sure….especially when I get triggered….cause I sure do!

    xo
    Aurora



  357.  #357April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 6:44 am

    FW,

    Wow. I feel so happy that you ask. I feel surprised too, and a warm spreading honey sensation in my chest.

    I’m feeling light and hopeful about my life.

    I feel snotty with cold, but not so bad as yesterday.

    I feel so many things. About myself, my date, the man I live with, what’s been happening on this blog…..

    Mostly I feel warm and happy that you asked.



  358.  #358Daria on January 6, 2012 at 6:46 am

    ((AuroraGirl))

    Felt good and acknowledged

    It was triggered by the other ag, alias girl, she hasn’t posted in awhile



  359.  #359Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:49 am

    I was just looking through a site Weddings of Distinction. It was interesting to see in the pictures where the woman was leaning back how far forward the guy was leaning into her.

    It was also interesting to note the energy building in my heart and vibrating with the feeling of excitement and exhilaration. I can see how this can help me bring my passion from inside me to outside into the world.



  360.  #360Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:50 am

    345 FW

    Good morning FW! Again thanks for posting your exchanges with Mali…..thank you for those!

    I am prone to forgetting those key points myself when things get busy and stressed in my life or when I feel vulnerable….I remember your comments about trying to be soft and not hard and strong on the outside all the time….thank you for those words too……I know you are right……and those are wise words….

    lol in my vulnerability I forget them! how ironic is that! 🙂

    so I have little things that help me remember…including this blog…..and I also wanted to share this video again (I think I posted it a while ago…so my apologies for those of you who may have seen it already.)

    …I do love it though..one of the Abraham videos…..one of many little reminders I need in my life…..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D4zWBHFCmXM

    xo



  361.  #361Jenny on January 6, 2012 at 6:51 am

    “Are you feeling like you’re too smart for a man?”

    No, I see it more as they have their strenght and weakness and the same goes for me.

    Some day ago I notice something in my mind and heart.

    I havent heard from J since sunday and yes he is in the back of my mind. And yes my NV says bad things…but in my heart, my guts just feels good. No matter what he does, dont do, say…I will feel fine, becourse I feel fine.

    Another thing I been thinking about. Well I was on a date 2 days ago. It was a man I have been t lking on the internet and the phone with, I had never meet him IRL..and to be honest I didnt feel anything for him through the mail contact or the phone. But I live after the rule; date men who ask me out, as long as they dont make me feel afraid.

    And when we met, he tried to hug me…and I just felt. “no” – there was no spark from me at all, no attraction at all. It just felt so wrong. Should I let men hug me, even if it feels wrong? I’m thinking about Rori talking about let men kiss us when they tries to…to recive.

    Ok me being in my head right now…that man who tried to hug me, and I didnt want to. Well I can admit he was too hunting after me, he could send 5 mail/day, telling me how wonderfull I was, how much he already liked me, lots fo kisses and hugs. I toke it as gift, recive…but I also felt a little bit trigged, as if he tried to buy me, talk me into like him. And on the same day for the date…he sent me like 6 mail about how much he looked forward to meeting me, and also telling me. “Now the time is 1430, I will soon get into the car to drive to you”

    Ok those I didnt see untill I came home, becourse I had already left my home some hourse before.
    But I dont like when ppl keep giving me too much information, it makes me feel like them also want me to give hour report of what I’m doing. I feel trapped.

    So maybe that feeling of “No” when he tried to hug me was my guts giving me red flags – that he wasnt something for me.
    Hmmm and here I answered my own question 😛



  362.  #362T-Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I was listening to Love Scripts yesterday and Rori said something that stood out and something that I really need to explore for myself. But basically she said that the need to be separate from our partner is only our fear of intimacy.

    I know I have mentioned in the past about not knowing if I ever want to get married again – part of that stems around the fact that I like to have my alone time – it sort of makes the time I am wih my guy more precious. I never really looked at it as being part of my fear of intimacy.

    I really need to explore this deeper.



  363.  #363Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:53 am

    358 Daria “Felt good and acknowledged”

    …..more of this good stuff to you Chickie!!!!

    xo



  364.  #364Francesca on January 6, 2012 at 6:54 am

    @AG #352

    “so my dear Siren, yes I support you and all the sirens here….even when there is a whirlwind of activity and lots of emotions flying…..even in the midst of our darkest vulnerable moments there is support here….even when we don’t see it….it’s here……”

    I know I said I wasn’t going to post but I just got to say thank you, AG. I needed to hear that. I don’t quite see the support but I want to feel it. I’m working hard on it. Something is blocking me and I don’t quite know what it is. But I’ll get to it someday.

    Thanks again, AG.



  365.  #365Daria on January 6, 2012 at 6:56 am

    ‘I’m feeling a lot of love for you. For hanging in with Daria.’

    Wow this felt bad. I feel like I’m some kinda monster… Well Im judging myself that way

    ;Daria reminder: write only for myself ((pushy Daria)))

    ((Daria))

    Mm interesting.

    I can totally see how it might not be meant that way.

    And that feels a lil better.

    But at first I felt like

    Whoa!

    Then I thought ‘I deserve it!’. Self punishing

    Cool to notice my patterns

    In def doing stuff different and moving past what I have seen of myself in the past… Seems getting to some intense feeling stuff that feels scary and that I feel scared to see

    Love to me



  366.  #366Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:57 am

    T-Girl do you mind sharing what she meant about the need to be separate from our partner? I am having a hard time wrapping my head around need to be a part of him all the time. I just want to understand it more clearly.



  367.  #367Daria on January 6, 2012 at 6:58 am

    I feel scared and unworthy to write this but…I felt moved

    ((Francesca))



  368.  #368Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:58 am

    364 Francesca

    I would love to hear what you have to say…….when you are ready……..I think we all need to hear what you have to say……you are a part of us too…….

    xo



  369.  #369T-Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Oh, and one of my fears came true last night. My guy was looking at my table computer and this blog came up in the autofill when he was searching for something on Google. He goes “Uh oh…I just saw what you were searching for on Google. Does this mean you don’t have the relationship you want?”

    I felt bad that is what he thought…but I think I handled it rather well. I told him that I always read the articles because I am learning since having a successful relationship is important to me. He seemed to like that answer.



  370.  #370Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Daria sometimes I experience you as a reflection of my inner self-centered narcissit.



  371.  #371Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 6:59 am

    365 Daria “love to me”..

    yes! yes! yes!
    lots of love to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    xo



  372.  #372Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:01 am

    ‘can apply towards the “Art of Allowing” too and if I can imagine the universe as a space (like a human) inside the bubble with me then I can FEEL my vibe with EVERYTHING and I LOVE this…it takes so much pressure off of me ‘

    Omg thank you!

    Bout to try this feels amazing!



  373.  #373April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 7:02 am

    Daria,

    I felt that River Girl was brave. To stick with you and exchange with you through all the hateful ranting.

    I saw it as hateful ranting. I am full of hateful ranting which I never express.

    Maybe I’ll go some rounds on it with you when I’m feeling less fragile. Maybe I won’t.



  374.  #374Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 7:04 am

    T-Girl the more we learn to greater the possibility to grow and expand. I like what Gay Hendricks promote – the openness to allow as much love and positive energy as possible to flow through me. Seeing the Universe with unlimited possibilities I see that the more I learn is the more I grow and expand. I am not sure that there is a point to arrive at where I just stop. The Universe is so vast, with limitless possibilities and I kind of see each relationship in this light.



  375.  #375Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 7:05 am

    Rori says she believes we have deep wells of rage that most of us are afraid of.



  376.  #376Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Femiminewoman – that felt kinda not so good

    But also exciting and good because part of the reason I write out my ish is that others feel freer and more accepting of their ‘ugly’ parts

    I learned that here and when I see others doing it sometimes I’m like Wow I do that too! It must be OK and I judge myself less

    It makes it safer to show the parts we/I judge about myself

    It feels bad to think of myself as a self centered narcissist tho

    Unless what that means is a feminine energy (self centered) diva (narcissist)

    I do see that for myself

    But I guess I judge myself and that part of me as a self centered arcissiat in order to attract and feel triggered by those words

    I feel secure that I am healing this



  377.  #377T-Girl on January 6, 2012 at 7:06 am

    FW – I may be taking it out of context and applying it to my fear so I will have to listen to that part again to see if I truly understand the message she was trying to give.

    But how I took it was that I have my own life and he has his and then we have our life together. Each are separate.

    I like the part of my own life that doesn’t include him, but I think that is because I am afraid what it would be like if we lived together or were married. Maybe if he was with me all the time he wouldn’t like me so much. How would he feel if he knew that on my Fridays off I like to drink coffee and hang out on the computer for a couple of hours. Or would he care if I like to watch The Bachelor on Monday nights.



  378.  #378mali on January 6, 2012 at 7:10 am

    @ 335 & 338- FW: Thankyou so much for this… I felt so supported reading your posts, and telling me you feel proud of me made me shine =) I felt shiny, glowing-like!

    as for the shaking-thing… it sounds hilarious, but I’m going to try it! Really want to try and just “feel” my feelings without internalising or stuffing, or even analysing them (I’m very good at understanding emotions and psychology… which works against me often…)

    @356- AG: Yes, that’s it! That’s it exactly. I felt all soft reading that… we’re so used to avoiding feelings, to just get rid of the bad, icky feelings. I forget sometimes, that the best way is just to FEEL it instead of blocking and trying to understand it.

    It’s funny, when I read your post, I felt slightly resistant. Like, oh- I’m wrong. I hate being wrong… But when I stopped thinking with my head and ego, and simply felt with my heart, and let the words soak in… I felt so good. Just reading the words you would use made me feel good and gentle, and loved.

    Thankyou 🙂



  379.  #379Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:12 am

    I have been the selfless martyr

    Dies that make me better, to my judging side yeah

    Love to me yeah

    I am choosing to put myself first and to hold on to that like a bucking bull in the face of judgements and shaming and crying and anything basically

    All stuff my old patterns bring up to bring me back to before

    I love my mind for caring

    And I love my self for not abandoning me

    And I want all this to heal

    Lots of love for me!

    I am actually putting myself through the wringer but I’m worth it and it feels effortless even tho it feels scary and awful triggering

    Hmm

    Like birth

    I wanted to post an inspiring love heart feeling birth video



  380.  #380Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:14 am

    ‘me so much. How would he feel if he knew that on my Fridays off I like to drink coffee and hang out on the computer for a couple of hours. Or would he care if I like to watch The Bachelor on Monday nights.’

    Wow these don’t make any logical sense but it feels tingly to see how our NVs work w the most innocuous things



  381.  #381Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Ouch I feel 🙁 and shaky to read hateful ranting about my words.

    Again my voice says well it was.

    I feel bad anyway tho.

    Hmm I feel curious about this. I wonder what’s up

    I felt defensive and unsafe and judged reading April Rose’s post.

    But the part about having it inside felt a bit exciting

    Still right now my face looks like this 🙁

    And I feel tense and tingly in my nervous system.



  382.  #382Starla on January 6, 2012 at 7:21 am

    wowwwwww i feel bad
    CF didn’t call yesterday, just a couple of very nice texts

    and this morning he just sent a pic message of the sunrise and texted that he wished me a nice day and said he couldn’t wait to see me tonight.

    i feel BAD. i want to hear his voice. i feel like if a man doesn’t call me the day after we have sex the first time, or before he sees me again, then he doesn’t want to talk to me at all or something!

    ughhh i dunno i feel sad, disconnected, and rejected

    i didn’t text him any of this because he is teaching a class right now and as upset as i feel, i don’t want to send him ‘negative’ texts like that while he’s working, cuz he’ll check them right during class lol.



  383.  #383Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:22 am

    Oooh! I felt scared. Triggered!

    I was ‘bracing’.

    That’s what the tightness was.

    Mmmm

    Feel dissapointed

    Poor me is getting activated.

    Awww I live my poor me.

    I see you honor you and thank you Daria.

    And you are so brave.

    And you know what… I think you’d be surprised to hear this from your NVs… But your movingly kind.

    I really appreciate you and your words here on the blog.

    They help me heal everyday.

    (((Daria)))



  384.  #384April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Daria,

    Whatever YOU felt about what you were feeling and writing, I felt SCARED.

    Time to acknowledge that you HAVE AN EFFECT on other people.

    I know, I know, I am responsible for my feelings and judgements. But I’m scared that you and I have forgotten that WE AFFECT EACH OTHER.

    Love to you. Tons and tons of Love to you. And to me.



  385.  #385Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:24 am

    ‘I feel bad. I’m feeling insecure… It would feel so much better to hear your voice’



  386.  #386T-Girl on January 6, 2012 at 7:25 am

    382 Starla – I wouldn’t worry too much. Just remember that men have to go into their caves and the best thing to do is to let them. This is were their intimacy grows and it is also giving him a chance to miss you. Their love for you grows when they are missing you.



  387.  #387Dominique on January 6, 2012 at 7:28 am

    Mali – I feel your fear and confusion around your mother, becoming like her. This is something I’ve struggled with for a very long time. I can remember times seeing her in me through a gesture maybe I caught a glimpse of myself doing in a mirror or a facial expression, let alone the actions.

    I found for me that the more I let that go, the more I learned to embrace her for who she is and for her own struggles, the more I healed myself, the less I saw of those “things” of hers which frightened me, which I didn’t want for me.

    I don’t have a close and loving relationship with here, and I’m okay with this now. We are not estranged. We have as much together as we will likely ever have, and I’ve made peace with this.

    And you know, she made YOU, so she’s okay in my view for this alone.

    Sending you love and healing around this.

    xxoo



  388.  #388Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 7:29 am

    RE 376 Daria while I was doing tapping around that you were the person that came to mind. Afterwards I started laughing because I could see myself in you and I felt myself accepting that ugly part of me. And yes healing. I was even able to visualize other people in my life who was judgemental to that part of me and I effortlessly imagined myself shrugging off the judgements, as in water on a duck’s back. It feel really liberating. So yes, thank you for exploring on here and helping me to heal.



  389.  #389Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:30 am

    April Rose – its not time to do that for me

    For me it’s time to disengage from trying to control/manage others feelings

    Feels bad

    I don’t want to be told what time it is or given suggestions like that.

    I feel tight jawed

    ****

    Ok I’m done expressing in feeling messages and don’t wants but what now?

    I still feel bad

    I feel tight in my lower spine – 2nd chakra

    Someone is trying to hook me/control me – warning! That’s what it says

    And in my buttocks, first chakra

    I love all my feelings

    Thank you Daria for noticing

    It feels uncomfortable! I don’t want to feel this way!



  390.  #390Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:34 am

    My left buttcheek is tight and the cheek on my face is quivering

    I noticed I’m intending ‘drama’ w this statement – to impress…

    How upset I am

    Express only : I feel unseen sad and vulnerable

    And I don’t want to tolerate that

    Time to skip future posts!

    Big breath in out! I love my breath

    The skip future posts thing again I said also to punish /warn/ show how upset I feel (tho I really do wana to skip future posts if I read smother one that feels bad)

    I love you hot ball of 1st chakra center!



  391.  #391Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Starla – I feel bad not hearing from you, especially after having sex. It is important to me and it would make me happy and feel so cherished if I could hear your voice the day after”

    It is great that you know yourself and ask for what you need so it helps him get to know you and help to satisfy your needs. Remember “you are the tour guide of you”.



  392.  #392April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 7:35 am

    I’m frightened of being pulled into exchanges with Daria.
    I’m also sensing that I’m getting closer to something in myself.

    “I felt defensive and unsafe and judged reading April Rose’s post.

    But the part about having it inside felt a bit exciting”

    Yes, I did judge you Daria. It is my lifelong habit to judge everyone and everything. I am becoming more and more conscious towards expressing the raw feelings instead of the judgements.

    Having rage inside me DOES feel exciting. I want to channel its fire into creative expression.



  393.  #393Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:40 am

    Don’t worry Daria, I won’t let them attack you and treat you like a stone slab just cuz you’re brave and powerful.

    Well I can’t prevent Them but I will take great care of us and won’t subject I to any posts I know feel bad.

    How’s that sound?

    Well I feel sad daddy that they don’t like me.

    They are just scared of themselves baby don’t worry.

    And me?

    You are wonderful. And getting more exponentially.

    I love your tingly tight nerves,,, it’s like glittery metal pretty



  394.  #394Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:41 am

    Ohh I like that Femiminewoman more clear expressing just what’s going on



  395.  #395Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 7:43 am

    T-Girl Putting “But how I took it was that I have my own life and he has his and then we have our life together. Each are separate” through what I know Paul Dobransky, it is interdependence. Going in and out of intimacy which is healthy.

    “Maybe if he was with me all the time he wouldn’t like me so much”. My understand from Rori is that this is the kind of thinking that indicates to us that we think we are not enough. I believe I have picked up the same thing from Dominique. It is one of the beliefs that feeds our fear of intimacy.



  396.  #396Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Starla

    similar to what Daria suggested above…

    I’ve tried this with my LD and it works both for me (I express what I feel) and him (he knows where I’m at and can decide what to do)

    if I haven’t heard from him and I’d like to and feel myself getting anxious I’ll text him :

    “I feel sad (or whatever the feeling is) that we haven’t spoken in a while (it could even be for a couple hours lol)….I love chatting with you and hearing your voice……I can’t wait to hear it soon”

    Starla inevitably he texts me right away to see if I’m not too busy to chat (he often assumes I am and doesn’t want to bother me or take up too much of my time) and he calls ….

    Starla sending you hugs on this one….,.xo



  397.  #397Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Wow FW feels a lil insecure that I was your shadow side! Wow!

    I love my insecure ness.

    I am feeling chuckle highly and excited that you gave me the idea of tapping on shadow self w my sister as it.



  398.  #398Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Thank u too



  399.  #399April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Recently when I communicated from my ‘wise, loving, grown-up’ character, I notice that my actor friend responded in his ‘seven year-old angry rebel’.

    This went on for days. The more compassionate and loving and ‘good’ I was, the more he reacted with “I refuse to do what you want me to do”.

    ????????



  400.  #400Rose on January 6, 2012 at 7:46 am

    #377 T-Girl

    Wow this post spoke to me..It made me realize fear I have around getting married again..about sharing my everyday life with someone..

    Hhmm fear yes I am fearful..

    Of sharing my personal habits maybe, me too I like being alone sometimes doing exactly what I want to do, spend a couple hours doing what I want, playing a game..etc..

    I can still have that even in a marriage/living together relationship..I want that..

    I love and accept my fear..



  401.  #401April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I was never a rebel. I was always so good for my Mummy.

    I want to shout
    “NO. I”M NOT DOING WHAT YOU WANT ME TO. GET OUT OF MY FACE.”



  402.  #402Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:49 am

    Whew that didn’t feel bad to read April Rose. I feel relieved.

    Takes April rose off the no fly list. Lol jk.

    I ft excited cuz that’s what I got out of it when people went raw here… To be ok that I have that too.., and I felt excited that that may have inspired the same for you… Cuz it dwelt sooo revolutionary and freeing for me and it feels good to think of sharing that



  403.  #403Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 7:50 am

    April Rose maybe you should allow yourself to get pulled into it with Daria. You might experience some of that powerful rage inside yourself that you find scary. It might help you to speak up for yourself in your world. Raaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr



  404.  #404Rose on January 6, 2012 at 7:52 am

    # 395 Putting “But how I took it was that I have my own life and he has his and then we have our life together. Each are separate” through what I know Paul Dobransky, it is interdependence. Going in and out of intimacy which is healthy.”

    Yes this is what I want to think about and work on for myself..



  405.  #405Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:54 am

    And no I didn’t get this one from VW .

    – that’s my snarkyness coming up later . I do this all the time w men. Acknowledging it. I want to heal this.

    Sorry Vw for any triggers



  406.  #406Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Note to self : stop acting compassionate loving and good, people resent that when they know they’re treating you bad.

    My sister is really appreciating my boundary of distance right now then.

    Wow.

    Thanks April Rose.

    I have def noticed this as well.



  407.  #407Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 7:55 am

    RE 399 Wow April Rose seems like you pushed an emotional button for him. Maybe his mother telling him what to do?

    Maybe appealing to his adult side, appreciating him for his own smartness and respecting his ability to know what he wants for himself, and accepting his no could possibly do it?



  408.  #408Daria on January 6, 2012 at 7:59 am

    ‘Whatever YOU felt about what you were feeling and writing, I felt SCARED.’

    This felt Bad skimming up again and I felt all tightened up again.

    It said like fuchk your feelings. Here’s mine.

    Well I would’ve felt open to them and at the same time what’s with the whatever you felt.

    That threw it off.

    Don’t do that to men – note to self.

    Now feeling scared of triggering April for picking on her words. And judging them.

    Not using all fms.

    Wow that is what triggered me in her post and now I’m doing it.

    Okie wow cool mirror world.



  409.  #409mali on January 6, 2012 at 8:03 am

    @ April Rose- 401

    WOOHOOOOO!!! I feel so invigorated reading that- Hell to the YEAH, feel the anger, let it all out!!



  410.  #410Daria on January 6, 2012 at 8:03 am

    I was being really brave writing that in witness but not everyone saw that. They saw it as like effortless rant. It was rather effortless but exposing it felt scary.

    I wonder if it’s the same w my dad and sis and in their world they’re being brace to finally state their boundaries

    ((dad)).

    ((sis))



  411.  #411Daria on January 6, 2012 at 8:08 am

    FW – I feel moved and almost crying reading about spending on your kids for fun and it feeling good

    You might like some of the unschooling ideas too they seem to fit well with Rori (tho they don’t kno about fem masc energy and fm’s … )

    I like sandradodd.com/unschooling



  412.  #412Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Re 401 Not sure if I was the rebel at a younger age but I definitely was as a teenager with fighting words and threats to report physical abuse, though it was my siblings who suffered the most. I have always beleived that it was my caustic tongue that protected me. hhhmm wonder if I had decided to be a biatch long before I thought………

    Boy that feels scary in my stomach. Now I feel myself pulling myself away from that realization and trying to stuff that down.



  413.  #413Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Re 411 I have meant to check it out Daria but never have. I guess I am ready for the lesson now. Thank you I will definitely try to do that this weekend. Would love some help holding me accountable to that commitment.



  414.  #414April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 8:12 am

    C’mon then Daria, let’s go…..

    I’m so tired of so carefully watching what I write in case I trigger you.

    So, if we’re gonna fight, I just want to be clear at the beginning.
    This is for healing.
    When I say ‘YOU’ I am actually talking to a part of ME.

    Okay?
    Please don’t agree with me.
    How else can we start a fight if you agree with me.

    SO DON’T

    BI*TCH



  415.  #415Daria on January 6, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Sleepy time! It’s Daria’s rest time at 8 am haha I feel cool and interesting



  416.  #416April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 8:15 am

    Yeah to “whatever you felt, THIS iS WHAT I FELT”

    DON’T IGNORE ME

    It’s all about YOU YOU YOU



  417.  #417April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 8:16 am

    YEAH GO TO SLEEP

    BI*TCH



  418.  #418April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 8:22 am

    what happens now?



  419.  #419April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 8:24 am

    I’ve been stuck to this effing blog for days.

    I want to go out and have a conversation with a sexy juicy MAN.

    Bye!



  420.  #420Sondra on January 6, 2012 at 8:30 am

    I’m hung up on a man who is so wounded from the way his exwife treated him that he does not think he will ever be able to have a good relationship again. We met online in March and dated exclusively for several months – we fell for eachother hard and fast, but one day he just snapped and said he was afraid and didn’t want to hurt me, but couldn’t be in a relationship with me or anyone ever again because of how afraid he was of getting hurt again. We still see eachother about once a month, but I recently tried to use some of the scripts I’ve been learning and all it did was reinforce his message back to me – guess I need to walk away, but it is so hard because we really do love each other and i feel wonderful when we are together. Below is our last enteraction – you can see I went off script after I got his reply – hard not to when you are bawling . . .

    I SAID:
    How I Feel
    Gary,

    Wow – I feel so worried and scared to send this to you, but I can’t keep these feelings bottled up inside of me any longer, it is making me crazy! I know I should have tried to talk to you about this in person, but I just really enjoy being with you and it never feels like a good time to bring up feelings that might leave me feeling sad or rejected before a long drive home . . . I’m not very good at conveying my feelings anyway – I’m trying to get better, so here goes . . .

    I feel loved and happy and secure when I am with you, but when we are apart, I start to feel insecure. I feel like I need to keep reaching out to you and then I feel like I’m 13 years old acting like I have a crush on a guy who wishes I’d just go away and leave him alone. I got on Match.com to try to distract myself from my feelings for you and to stop feeling so sad and lonely because we were apart.

    I have to tell you, I hate the thought of you with another woman! It seriously pisses me off and makes me want to punch you, or rip your heart out with a damn spoon!!! Of course I would never do that . . . but I don’t like the way it makes me feel to want to do it either.

    When we talk, I feel like you want me to yourself and that the thought of me dating another man would make you unhappy. Honestly, I have absolutely no desire to date anyone but you. My last date was a movie on Thanksgiving night and I ended up telling him I couldn’t see him again – he was a great guy, but he wasn’t you. So I reached out to you again and here we are . . . except I don’t have the first clue where we are.

    Having sex with you is absolutely my favorite thing in the entire world – I have never felt so attracted to a man and so much like the woman I want to be than when I am in your arms. But – when I am out in the world without you afterward and I start wondering who you are with, it makes me absolutely bat-shit crazy! I literally can’t stand myself when I feel that way.

    I don’t know what to do. I want an exclusive relationship with you, but I don’t get the impression that is an option for me. I’ve decided to start dating other people again and I feel that it is important to tell you that before I do it. I would never do anything to hurt or mislead you in any way. I can’t imagine myself being intimate with anyone but you and right now, I will tell you that I plan to be exclusively yours in that area, until the time when you tell me that you don’t want to see me any more or until you tell me that you are being sexually active with someone else or seriously dating someone that you care for – really, just typing these words right now is making me want to vomit. I do not want to share you in any way!

    I just know that I can’t lose myself to the feelings that overtake me when I am missing you and wondering what is going on. You told me in your text last night that I should live for today – that is what I am trying to do, but I need to feel loved and desired and needed – today. I do not want to put pressure on you or on our relationship. I think the best way to handle this is for me to just see other people and learn to relax and take things as they come and leave my options open so that I can be myself and enjoy your company when you want to get together, but not sit at home going out of my mind when you don’t.

    You are an amazing man, Gary, and I truly love everything about you.

    What do you think?

    Sondra

    HE SAID:
    RE:
    I wish things could be different but as I told you I dont believe Iwill ever be in a serious relationship again If Iwas it would be you.Thats why I cant and wont lie to you about my feelings, anyone else I wouldnt care .I dont know what to tell you but you need to do what you said about dating and Idont blame you a bit and will never be mad at you Iwant you to find happiness and love you deserve to be happy Ienjoy spending time with you I also feel bad about are intimacy because Iknow how you feel and it isnt fair to you that Idont .believe ME when Isay Ihave the most fun when we go out we have a blast .Ifeel like a heel after we make love because Icare about you and dont want to hurt you these other people that i have met dont mean shit Icould care less if i ever see them or hear from them again You are the dearest person in my life and dont ever want to hurt you if it means that you rather not talk with me because of the way you feel towards me Iunderstand but Ihope we can be friends for a long time .Iwould rather be your friend for life as to have a relationship and loose you. thats why Ithink you would be better off . Iknow you think guys say all this shit for a cover up but Ihope you know me better than that .You know things about me that no one else will ever know Im sorry for any pain Ihave caused you and dont blame you if you ever talked to me again but knowing you has made me a better man Im not the man you want me to be Iwill always LOVE you

    I SAID:
    RE:
    God! I feel horrible reading your message. It makes me feel lost and sick and like running away, but with nowhere to go! My chest feels tight and my throat feels like someone is squeezing it shut and my damn eyes won’t stop leaking!
    Waiting for your reply, I felt terrified that I would never hear from you again or that you would just tell me to go to hell. I feel like I have spent my whole life building up walls and pretending to be stronger than I ever wanted to be.
    I do feel better having shared my feelings with you. I love getting unexpected text messages and phone calls from you. It feels thrilling when you ask me to do something with you and I feel happy just hanging out with you, meeting your friends, hearing your stories, watching your beautiful blue eyes flash with excitement when you talk and the best part is when you smile at me – I feel tingles run all through me and then . . . when you laugh, it’s like the crack of a shotgun and my body feels a shock of electricity run through me. How am I ever supposed to replace those feelings?
    You just told me you will always love me . . . how am I supposed to recover from that, Gary? God Damn!
    I can’t be just your friend. I love you with all my heart and soul. I won’t pretend that I don’t.

    And that was pretty much it – I have not heard from him again, but I know I will get weak and text him or email him within a couple of weeks if he doesn’t contact me first.



  421.  #421lk on January 6, 2012 at 8:39 am

    @Daria … i have a secret : ) one night a couple months ago i felt really messed up & i went on your website & tried to call you… no answer… but i feel teary remembering that i felt close enough that YOU were the person i wanted to talk to when i felt afraid of everyone else. my throat feels tight but i feel happy : )



  422.  #422lk on January 6, 2012 at 8:43 am

    @April Rose 414

    “I’m so tired of so carefully watching what I write in case I trigger you.”

    i feel triggered by this comment. defensive, like HEY THAT’S MY HOMEGURL BXTCH.

    lol but yes… though i do feel scared of *hurting* some people on this blog….. i don’t want to feel scared of *triggering* someone, since the triggers show us our wounds so we can heal them. if i were Daria, i’d want you to trigger me : )



  423.  #423lk on January 6, 2012 at 8:47 am

    i’m so excited about my date tonight!!

    @Starla… dude, are we living the same life ???? it’s so messed up. i have my new cute sweater dress on at work right now & i feel pretty great.

    HOWEVER, i’m noticing that as soon as i started shaving, i was back to thinking old pattern thoughts again about men & how i have to Look Good & Be Sweet to Win A Man’s Heart…. lol….

    but i’m living my own life. i’m the queen of my personal universe & i bow to the kings & queens i encounter as i travel. CDcd, Starla, Daria, April Rose, all the ladies & all the men: i bow to you, humbled by the beauty. i’m truly amazed & in love with you all.



  424.  #424Brenda on January 6, 2012 at 8:51 am

    Daria,

    Finally got the internet working…for the moment…

    RE: #289 – I am not up to date on all your posts, but I would feel lost if you left the blog! You ARE the blog, LOL! I have come full circle, and I love your presence on this blog! I learn mucho from you, just by reading your posts! I admire your courage to put yourself out there!



  425.  #425Starla on January 6, 2012 at 8:54 am

    I feel shaky, i don’t want to go out with him tonight if i feel like this. maybe i just text him the truth:

    “i feel sad not hearing your voice since our time together the other night…almost scared to go out with you tonight.”



  426.  #426Francesca on January 6, 2012 at 8:55 am

    @Daria #367

    Thanks. You and me both….moved, unworthy, afraid of judgements from others. Incapable of finding the right words and/or feelings and deliver them properly. But I’ll get there. We both will.

    ((Daria))

    @AG #368

    Thanks, I’m posting a little bit now. 🙂

    @FW #375

    “…wells of rage…” yes, I have that but I’ve been conditioned to ignore how it’s brewing at the bottom, how hot it can get.

    How do we get rid of that rage without seeming aggressive during and exhausted afterwards?



  427.  #427Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 9:00 am

    Francesca I would not encourage you to think “get rid of” but sink into the rage, feel it. Put your hand on the body part where it is located and ask yourself what am I angry at, also send love to it. Stomp around when you are alone in a room, shake yourself or do the vampire scream – open your mouth and scream the he!!ll out if you are alone or if not do it without sound.

    Your rage is your powerful energy that allows you to experience the world and life. Only certain people can trigger that powerful experience and you can love them for that – this concept I learned in Rori’s interview last month with Charu the tantra teacher.



  428.  #428Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:00 am

    “i feel sad not hearing your voice since our time together the other night…almost scared to go out with you feeling disconnected and impersonal like this.”



  429.  #429Francesca on January 6, 2012 at 9:02 am

    My man is wounded. I can totally see it now, after 9 months.

    Then again, so am I.

    I want to learn how to talk to him from the heart.

    Just writing that made me feel better.



  430.  #430Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:04 am

    i feel anxious, is this a red flag? do i need to write him off? i wish i hadn’t slept with him now. i feel small and alone 🙁



  431.  #431Brenda on January 6, 2012 at 9:07 am

    FeminineWoman,

    I have been meaning to say this…I did not have a smirk on my previous photo. It was a 90 degree day. I was sweating like crazy and the sun was in my eyes. I was stressed because my dogs were with me and they are dog aggressive, and there were dogs all around us. I feared a tragedy while getting a professional photo taken with my dogs.



  432.  #432Francesca on January 6, 2012 at 9:09 am

    FW, I wish I could scream but I don’t think my neighbours would appreciate it that much!

    I can shake, I can do that.

    I do scream when I’m outside though, mostly at bad drivers. And it feels good.

    I know why I’m angry. And I know I’m not angry at nothing. I’m angry at lots.



  433.  #433Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 9:12 am

    Starla he texted you. Some guys totally disappear. He will relax in the relationship when it turns the corner into a real relationship. He is likely assuming that you know he loves you and he does not need to prove himself anymore. That is the type of energy that can drag down the relationship as the make or break moment. CCarter says men expect women to freak out at this point. Can you help yourself to not do the predictable female drama?



  434.  #434Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Open your mouth wide and scream – without the sound. That is Rori’s vampire scream. I even do it at work at my desk.



  435.  #435lk on January 6, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Dear Starla,

    hmm i feel sad that you feel sad… but i feel warm thinking that CF is emotionally processing & “recovering” from a very intense experience… but men process differently from women i think…. so maybe he wants to be respectful of the new intimacy & give space to the intensity of the experience…

    i love you & i love him : )



  436.  #436Brenda on January 6, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Starla,

    RE: #424 – What I am learning about myself is that after an especially emotional time with a man, where I feel intimate and bonded, my emotions are like raw and exposed. I feel hypersensitive for days.

    I felt that way after my amazing time with Ryan 1/1 to 1/2! I felt rejected that he didn’t contact me for a few days afterward (he has now, and I feel fine!). I went thru a plethora of emotions.

    I have decided that next time I will just sit with my emotions, and matter of fact, right now, I am about to seriously work with Rori’s tool in today’s email article, to TAKE MY TIME painting first a plant outside, and then myself, with LOVE, as I take a shower!

    I will take care of my raw, exposed, vulnerable, lovely emotions, both pos and neg. For me at least, it is a process of GETTING TO KNOW MYSELF! Where Ryan is concerned, I feel repeatedly astounded at how often I reach new places in myself that have NEVER BEEN TOUCHED!

    Lord, it is a beautiful process! I am discovering deeper levels of myself as I discover deeper levels of Ryan!

    Is it unsureness over your new level of intimacy with your man? Or is it unsureness over your new level of intimacy with yourself?



  437.  #437lk on January 6, 2012 at 9:20 am

    @Brenda 435

    “Is it unsureness over your new level of intimacy with your man? Or is it unsureness over your new level of intimacy with yourself?”

    i really like this – thank you : )



  438.  #438Brenda on January 6, 2012 at 9:23 am

    Francesca,

    RE: #431 – You said, “I do scream when I’m outside though, mostly at bad drivers. And it feels good.

    I know why I’m angry. And I know I’m not angry at nothing. I’m angry at lots.”

    Wow, can I relate to this!!! I scream at other drivers, too, in the privacy of my car. My intention isn’t to get their attention and fight. My intention is to vent loads of pent-up anger in a safe way. 😆



  439.  #439Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:24 am

    your feedback here is really really calming me the f*ck down, thank you!



  440.  #440Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:26 am

    love you too lk



  441.  #441Ella on January 6, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Starla – sorry your feel bad.

    I don’t think there is anything to worry about. Men don’t think about these things the way we do.

    He has kept in contact, he still feels the same.

    If you guys hadn’t slept together I bet you wouldn’t be batting an eyelid about not recieving a call for a couple of days.

    To me if feels quite romantic that he sent a pic of the sunset.

    Probably time to sit with and take care of your emotions again.

    Having said this, when you do see him, you could let him know vulnerable you feel after sex and how good it will feel to actually hear his voice.

    What do you think?

    xoxox



  442.  #442Rori Raye on January 6, 2012 at 9:28 am

    Sondra – Welcome – Wanted to answer this because it’s such a totally universally painful thing – and you are brilliant – you have Feeling Messages down really well – now – GET AWAY from him!!!! I don’t want to be hurtful – but he likes you, he cares for you – but he’s NOT in love with you. He is not your one. Believe what he says. Yes, it feels awful, and you can function just fine feeling awful…you have other feelings, too – ones that feel more whole and joyful – find those and feel them too. Use your skills and your heart, get on match.com and you are ready to find the man who will do the job for you now. Love, Rori



  443.  #443Brenda on January 6, 2012 at 9:32 am

    I feel myself getting all melty inside, thinking about Ryan.

    That’s what it is: he has touched the little girl inside, and we are now relating almost full time straight to the soul. My walls have fallen all away, and it is heart to heart with Ryan! It is beautiful! I feel like every nuance of my emotions are understood and responded to by him!

    No walls, no anger, no blame, no he said-she said, just beautiful, tranquil harmony! He has won my heart, and I just want to bask in his presence! He has done something beautiful between us. I don’t fully understand him yet (he is now freely revealing himself to me, as he didn’t in 2009), and I don’t fully know where this is going, but it feels beautiful and right and loving!

    I can’t wait to see him again! He has my heart as no other man ever had it because he took the time to look into my soul and get to know me. He knows me more deeply than any other human being on earth, the good and the bad. And he has been a catalyst for my inner healing as no one and nothing ever was!

    He has becum a role model to me, and I want to be like him! He is a healer, and I want to be a team with him to help people find healing!



  444.  #444Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:33 am

    432 fw, i love that you’re always here with your awesome wisdom. and that you always encourage the drama-free route.

    i really like the feeling message i settled on, but i am going to save it for when we’re in person and talking about sex.

    i actually went to the bathroom to text it to him, and then for good measure and practice decided to hold off for at least 30 minutes. i was feeling so anxious and urgent, it occurred to me that it might be a bad motive to text the man.



  445.  #445Mel on January 6, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Starla,

    I’m speaking for myself here… so not sure if it applies.

    I think sometimes I expect others to act in the way that I would act in any given situation. From MY perspective, it’s how things should happen.

    So after sex, I would expect a phone call or contact because that’s what I would do. He’s probably giving you some space because that’s what HE would want… 😉

    He’s not ignoring you though, which is a great sign. He seems like quite a sweetie from what I’m reading of you two.

    I feel so happy for you Starla!



  446.  #446lk on January 6, 2012 at 9:35 am

    i have felt SO SO angry today… lol…. i was kind of freaking out in the shower just getting so mad at my landlords because of how old my shower is… but that’s dumb. that’s just fine. i should clean it up & make it shiny this weekend : ) that sounds nice : )

    & also I got freaked out by 2 drivers today who honked at me (i delayed at a green light & i cut someone off lol) but they absolutely LAY on their horns ! hahaha… i need to be a more aware driver & also people should not lay on their horns!!! btw the dude i cut off… i HAD to get over & i’d been signaling for a while. safe maneuver, but still aggressive… eff that guy ! lol

    i hope i can keep my cool today… i keep getting SO mad these days !!!! hormones hormones hormones hormones hormones. hello, hormones ! can you please find your way around my body & do what’s needed of you & can the excess ones please say goodbye ? thank you !!!! : ))))



  447.  #447Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:36 am

    Ella, my love, I think you are so right. Thank you for being here for me this morning.

    Now if Mel would weigh in, we’d have the quinfecta (not a word, but i like making ish up, morphology is fun)



  448.  #448Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Mel says “He’s probably giving you some space because that’s what HE would want”.

    This is the kind of concept I learned from the 5 Love Languages book. Wise comment Mel.



  449.  #449Mel on January 6, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Oh… and it’s been a big goal for me to release these expectations. To be aware of when I am expecting things to happen a certain way and let it go. I am really enjoying living more in the moment and being surprised.



  450.  #450Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:39 am

    haha there is mel. nice.



  451.  #451Mel on January 6, 2012 at 9:41 am

    We were all posting at once! Starla 445 is for you! 🙂



  452.  #452April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Pathetic, wasn’t it?

    My attempt at a fight with Daria.

    🙁



  453.  #453April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Here’s something interesting to notice, April Rose.

    The more I try to be soft and kind and NOT trigger someone, the more likely they are to get angry.

    Whoah…



  454.  #454Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:51 am

    it sure would have been nice though if he had called to talk to me.
    :'(

    i don’t want to sleep with someone regularly who isn’t going to call me after. i need to feel a lot more remembered than that.

    so i guess we have to have a dumb talk about sex, and not sleeping with others, and feeling more attached, and all that, BLAH



  455.  #455Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Alias Girl never came back after she got so angry with me. I kept telling her she was misunderstanding me, but she just kept saying “you always do this, you always do that, and you’re a bully,” etc. And the irony was she was bullying ME and just going on and on and on and on even though i said sorry, please stop, lol…

    i wonder if she left because she felt truly victimized, or if she left because she felt embarrassed, or what…



  456.  #456April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Yeah Starla, you need to talk with him. Doesn’t need to be dumb, though.

    In LOve Scripts Rori says about having the conversation
    “SO, what does sex mean to you?”

    And then she goes on to script “To me it means I’ll get attached and maybe at times insecure, maybe jealous…”

    Saying it softly



  457.  #457Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:56 am

    April Rose,
    I’ll f*cking fight you.

    actually, maybe not. it’s fun to pretend to be feisty but i quite like you

    well, this sucks.



  458.  #458Starla on January 6, 2012 at 9:57 am

    i have love scripts, i’m going to listen to it while i get ready for our date tonight, thanks for the nice reminder!!!!

    btw, he never confirmed a time. so i am just going to go with our “usual” time of 8. 8 feels good.



  459.  #459Mel on January 6, 2012 at 9:59 am

    It’s kind of crazy… it feels like Mr. A is picking up the tempo again. I feel like he is in hot pursuit. When we first started dating and I was all non-chalant, I could feel that same intensity. Then as I started to like him more and more, the intensity dropped off a bit. No that he wasn’t trying or anything… but things felt less fast-paced.

    Now suddenly it feels like he can’t get enough of me. He’s asked me to stay over every night this week. Since getting home from my xmas visit, I have only slept in my own bed once. Tomorrow he wants me to meet his sister. The other day he actually referred to me as his “partner.”

    I feel excited and happy… but I also need to remember to listen to my little girl who is saying she still needs some time to herself. Sunday is going to be a “me” day. In a way, I feel a little relieved that next week is his week with the kids. There will be less time for each other. Ballet is starting again, I want to go to the gym, I have some things I wanna do around the house, some hobbies that need doing….

    T-girl, I definitely know what you mean about wanting to keep that little part of you separate. I think it’s healthy. In my marriage, I think I really lost myself, and now that I have her back, I don’t want to lose her again!



  460.  #460memulo on January 6, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Read the blog briefly and I liked Starla’s text that she hasn’t sent.. can’t relate to AR #456.. I feel that Starla was speaking her truth and that was beautiful. Whether I would send it or wait to express it till I see him – don’t know. Depending on the spirit of the relationship which I have no idea about. Would not have acted out of fear of what he would think since he expects me to freak out in some way.. even if he told me himself he expects me to freak out lol.



  461.  #461April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Hey lk,

    You want some of my scarey fight talk? Lol

    @April Rose 414

    “I’m so tired of so carefully watching what I write in case I trigger you.”

    i feel triggered by this comment. defensive, like HEY THAT’S MY HOMEGURL BXTCH.

    I’m gonna paste you and your homegirl all over cyberspace……

    Does that feel like being threatened by a teddy bear?

    Sigh…



  462.  #462Starla on January 6, 2012 at 10:07 am

    460 it felt so urgent to send it to him so for that reason i am going to wait. also, he is working, and i don’t want to get in the habit of ‘talking’ about feelings and relationship while either of us is working.

    i feel bad waiting to tell him, too, because it’ll be like i was ‘stuffing’ it and waiting to let him have it, so i’ll let him know i felt weird not saying anything sooner but that i would have felt bad distracting either of us from our work days.

    awww he is sweet, he will be fine and so will i.

    i sound good now but i reserve the right to flip my script in like 2 minutes and get back to posting about how i feel terrible lol



  463.  #463Sondra on January 6, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Rori – Thank you soooo much! I KNEW you would say those words to me, but I needed to be sure. I am on Match.com. we actually met on EHarmony back in March and then we both got off. I got on Match 6 weeks ago and when i told him about it, he got on there too and of course we are a “Match”, so I am forever looking to see if he has “viewed” me or if he is online. Ugh. I’m trying out my new Love Scripts skills on some other guys on match now (I have dated 4 men in 6 weeks of being on there, but none of them were Gary and I wasn’t ready to move on, but now I think I am!). So today I sent out 3 different emails to good looking men using my feminine voice – we will see what happens!

    Thanks for being there for me today – It felt so wonderful to read your email! wow! 🙂

    Sondra



  464.  #464T-Girl on January 6, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Wanting to keep part of me separate sort of reminds me of the Sex and the City episode when they were talking about their “secret single behavior”.

    LOL, my secrect single behavior is watching The Bachelor and soaking up relationship related books and such.



  465.  #465Starla on January 6, 2012 at 10:14 am

    my secret single behavior is singing mantra and dancing and listening to abraham hicks lol



  466.  #466April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Not everyone gets triggered by me. I’m imagining it must have to be someone who has a certain kind of fire in their belly. I am afraid of those people and their huge size and the raging of their fire.

    But the fire in my belly wants to engage with them and clash with them in an intense volcanic smash-up, a filthy mesy explosion of debris and guts and flame, burning and purging and consuming everything that exists, including all the teddy bears



  467.  #467April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 10:22 am

    You could smash me.

    Your judgement can crush me, annihilate my existence.

    This is the power you have.



  468.  #468April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 10:24 am

    And so I will be as good as I can be.

    Make efforts.

    Keep you sweet.



  469.  #469lk on January 6, 2012 at 10:27 am

    LOL

    CDcd is picking me up @ 4

    our CEO just called saying he has a Secret Mission for me & wants to meet at 3……

    well, LK is a baller & won’t be bossed around.

    i said someone is picking me up today . what time should i tell them i’ll be available ?
    he said, what time did you tell them ? i said oh 4/4:30, he said that’s fine : ) you can finish monday morning : ) YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY



  470.  #470April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 10:33 am

    462 Starla,

    Thank you for the reminder to hold back on those urges that feel urgent. The very urgency of the feeling is the reminder to not do it.
    Takes self-discipline. Nice one, lady!



  471.  #471lk on January 6, 2012 at 10:34 am

    @April Rose 461

    “I’m gonna paste you and your homegirl all over cyberspace……

    “Does that feel like being threatened by a teddy bear?”

    that feels terrible & violating & scary o_0

    i feel hurt & sad… i want to say, i’m just riffing here : ) i’m not out to fight. i don’t want to fight. i don’t want to feel angry or scared. i love you, April Rose !

    sometimes i want to fight…… i feel really scared thinking of this…. i want to express myself when i disagree or when i get triggered into deep feelings. i want to riff it & heal it….. i don’t want to fight to fight. i know i can fight, but i don’t want to unless it’s necessary.

    i don’t want to fight. i feel like a target & like i accidentally stumbled into a war zone : (



  472.  #472April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 10:36 am

    Aw. lk,

    There’s no fight with you. I was just kidding. You have just made me feel all soft. I love you too.



  473.  #473Francesca on January 6, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Expecting that things will occur as you want them to occur.

    Wow, I can totally relate to that. Tomorrow is my bday and I am not going to call my man first, he has to do that. I’m sure he’s just going to come and pick me up at my work later tonight but I can still hope he will call me today to confirm.

    Yes, this is how I would like it to be.

    But I’m pretty sure he won’t do it that way.

    I might as well live with it.



  474.  #474April Rose on January 6, 2012 at 10:41 am

    lk,

    You’re so cute and real.
    If I was your man I’d go all mushy over you.



  475.  #475lk on January 6, 2012 at 10:43 am

    @ April Rose : )



  476.  #476Starla on January 6, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Just. Stop. when the urgency comes.

    I used to email, IM, and text with my guys all day long, ESPECIALLY when i was feeling bad about something specific.

    it was always a disaster.

    i will bless him with my feelings later, in person.



  477.  #477Starla on January 6, 2012 at 10:56 am

    i feel really appreciative of all the support yall gave me today

    i feel so different now, wow.

    thank you:)



  478.  #478memulo on January 6, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Feels good to see that you are making your own decision Starla based on everyone’s input -) You sound strong and confident and true to yourself



  479.  #479Starla on January 6, 2012 at 11:07 am

    thankyou memulo

    i like your name here, because it reminds me of my grandpa’s nickname, memo. short for guillermo



  480.  #480Laughing Goddess on January 6, 2012 at 11:09 am

    grrrrr, I woke up to a bunch of nasty texts from my mom.

    vampire scream!!!!!!!



  481.  #481light heart on January 6, 2012 at 11:31 am

    I love how it feels when I use all that luscious anger rage energy towards expansion….creation….that abraham vid that LG posted is really moving me…in many senses of the word….Life is all about existing for the joy of existing, and I don’t ‘have to’ do anything, I only have to do what i want
    When life calls more through me to keep finding out more who I am, and I don’t go, I suffer, when life calls more through me and I do go, I Triumph!
    I feel so joyful and thrilled and loved today, even though yesterday I was feeling very sad and like a failure in relationship…I feel very aligned today and had some very very sweet relatings with random people while walking my dog today

    🙂



  482.  #482light heart on January 6, 2012 at 11:40 am

    It feels tricky sometimes to distinguish between feeling suspicious about someone because of my stuff that I can do something about or if it’s legitimate red flags…

    the things I can change, the things I can’t
    ….the wisdom to know the difference

    I want a tough guy who can handle every part of me, and loves me FOR it, the good and the bad, not in spite of it, one who doesnt have to take everything so personally, even if I may seem like I want to be mean….so I will have to be just as accepting

    i sense that i need equality in terms of authenticity and transparency…hmmm…maybe an inbalance there makes me feel too vulnerable…

    🙂

    light heart



  483.  #483Starla on January 6, 2012 at 11:43 am

    i still feel a little worried/upset. i feel like there’s no good time to talk to him about this. unless i wait until maybe the end of dinner, when we’re happy and full, but i don’t want to pretend like everything is okay if it’s not.



  484.  #484Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I am looking for the link from Laughing Goddess but cannot find it. Do you mind reposting?



  485.  #485light heart on January 6, 2012 at 11:45 am

    I love how it feels to let myself be more and more vulnerable..it feels sparkly and starry and joyful and very light i feel it as a sense of well being, being in the stream of well being, this delightful life source energy coursing thru my body…i love that unzip your heart image

    🙂

    light heart



  486.  #486light heart on January 6, 2012 at 11:47 am


  487.  #487Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 11:49 am

    So just tell him you want to talk but want to wait until after dinner. Rori says while on the date keep repeating FUN FUN FUN in your head. Start telling yourself it is EFFORTLESS to wait til after dinner.

    Also I have seen CCarter says to wait till he is in a god mood and open to bring up difficult issues in a good context. If you bring it up before the dinner then you risk dragging down the mood for the rest of the night. Been there done that, got eyerolling and detachment. Will never do that again.



  488.  #488Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Thanks Light Heart



  489.  #489Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 11:50 am

    In a “good” mood.



  490.  #490Aurora Girl on January 6, 2012 at 11:51 am

    473 @ Francesca

    “Tomorrow is my bday and I am not going to call my man first, he has to do that. I’m sure he’s just going to come and pick me up at my work later tonight but I can still hope he will call me today to confirm.
    Yes, this is how I would like it to be.But I’m pretty sure he won’t do it that way.I might as well live with it.”

    Happy Birthday Siren Chickie!!!!!!!

    this is how you’d like it to be…..that’s cool to have that thought ….or even intention……..and then there’s this idea that we can leave a window open for the breeze to blow in and be open to a surprise…..other possibilities…….

    who knows?

    keep us posted?

    xo



  491.  #491Susan on January 6, 2012 at 11:54 am

    River Girl,

    I like the way you handle things. 🙂



  492.  #492light heart on January 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Starla, just reminding…I believe Rori recommends setting up for a talk like this, saying something like there is something you’d like to talk about related to your sleeping together, and is now a good time?
    Can you be OK enough with waiting until after dinner and enjoy yourself completely for the moment without letting your worry/upset take over?

    🙂

    light heart



  493.  #493Femininewoman on January 6, 2012 at 11:59 am

    Starla BTW when you bring it up sandwich the tough issue with telling him first how good you felt during the …………then tell him what you want and how you believe that would make you feel. Begin and end on a positive note. Remember it is his choice to give you what you want but you can inspire him.



  494.  #494T-Girl on January 6, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    483 Starla, if you do talk to him, don’t forget to use the words “I’m just a girl”. I used those words the other day and wow did they work.



  495.  #495light heart on January 6, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I like the beginning and ending on a positive note idea, and inspiring him. because focusing only on the negative creates defensiveness. If they get testy, just agree with them. Like, if I say, Oh, I felt sooo good with you in bed and now I feel a little off balance because I didn’t hear your voice the next day like normal, and they say something like, oh, what are you, needy? u can always say something like, yes, i suppose I am feeling a little needy…i’m just a girl here, needing a little reassurance, that’s all

    🙂

    light heart



  496.  #496light heart on January 6, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    haha T-Girl we said i’m just a girl at the same time

    🙂

    light heart



  497.  #497Starla on January 6, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    thank you ladies, you’re helping me so much…
    i am going through a rollercoaster of emotions today but i still feel my feet on the ground. thank you



  498.  #498light heart on January 6, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    you know, instead of getting defensive or explain-y,
    like, no, i’m not needy, it’s just that…..

    stick to the feelings and what you want,
    no counter arguments.

    in my experience, the counter argument thing doesnt work too well.

    🙂

    light heart



  499.  #499lk on January 6, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    @Starla 483

    remember he hasn’t done anything “wrong” — though i agree you should share your feelings. i think you could share them early on in the evening – maybe right when you see him ! – & in a way that is not making him “wrong” or even chastising at all !

    i think you could even deliver it as a compliment : )

    like….
    awwww it feels so nice to hug you….. honestly, i was feeling kind of disconnected after sex & then not really “hearing” you … though i do love to get your sweet txts…. it feels so amazing to feel your body & hear your voice…. & it’s especially important for me to feel connected after sex…. : )))

    & then i bet he’ll say AWW Starla HUGSSSSS : )



  500.  #500turquoise on January 6, 2012 at 12:11 pm