Arguing Done Well Can Deepen A Relationship – But Most Of The Time It Only Hurts

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Here’s a classic situation: Abigail’s man is withdrawing, there are arguments, she’s feeling lost without him…

“Rori, I’m having a few personal issues and hoping to get some honest feedback and advice. I’m 27 years old and I have been going with a guy who I met 17 months ago. The relationship was like a fairy tale story – we lived in different countries and we met at work when I interviewed him.

For the first 14 months everything was brilliant we were so in love and everyone knew it and could see how happy we were! Then I started being insecure in the relationship not through any fault from him but I let my past hurt in other relationships take over this one.

Anyways he went to his home for 3 weeks to see his family and during that time we continued to argue – and when he came back he decided he needed some time and space on his own. Not only were we arguing but his granny as also been diagnosed with cancer and he really wants to move back home in case something bad happens and he isn’t there to say goodbye!.

I understand that paranoia is a big relationship killer and I didn’t realize how far I had pushed him until he decided he needed to move out. I have tried so hard to tell him I love him and things will change and I’ve realized my faults but the only answer I really get is I need time and space. He has told me to move on but said he doesn’t know what the future holds.

I didn’t speak to him for a week which was really hard as we still work together but I tried talking to him yesterday and he speaks to me with so much anger, I’m not sure if that’s because he is truly over me or whether he is hurting and that’s how he is dealing with it. He did tell me he still loves me but feels we aren’t meant for each other. But my heart says we are. Yes we have had our ups and our downs but we have always been faithful and honest an the only problem was the arguing.

I miss him so much I’ve even took this week off work because seeing him makes me feel sick and I have such an empty feeling without him. A part of me goes yes give him time and space because he may realize. But the other part goes walk away because he doesn’t really love me anymore. I sent him a message earlier saying I’m sorry and I love him and now I don’t know what to do to get him back and us back on track.

I think its gone to far, the main issue I have is he is thinking of going back home in June and that means there is no hope for us because we’re apart at the moment.

I really hope you can help me out with this one. This is the first time I’ve ever written to someone for advice but I truly am lost and empty without him.

From Me:

The problem is this, as you’ve stated:  Arguing.

Arguing as a constant in a relationship is a hallmark of immaturity.  Unless conflict is dealt with in a skilled way (where the relationship is HELPED to go deeper) – arguing results in squashing of everyone and the relationship.

There is nothing you can do until you personally discover how to speak to a man in a way that cuts arguments off at the knees, and just doesn’t go there…this is a short journey of Feeling Messages, and a longer journey of spiritually changing the meaning you give things and the reactions you have to things, and the way you choose to be in any given moment.

Learn about this on the blog, and in my programs (start with the ebook…):

http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/ebook

PRACTICE them with EVERYONE – and see what happens.  He may automatically feel more interested…or, for sure, the next man WILL be!

From Abigail:

The arguing sometimes is because he is young he’s 24! He finds it very hard to talk to me he just shouts or has an attitude with me. I was reading your site earlier but what I want to know is ….deep down when a relationship has gone sour and the guy says he needs time and space does that mean it can’t be turned around?

Time and space is that a polite way to say its over? I’m so confused I miss him and I’m trying everyday to keep a smile on my face and be the confident person he was when he met me. I feel I’m at a losing end and I’ll never have him back and I believe he’s the one for me. Abigail”

From Me:

This “time and space” thing is the classic heartbreaker for all of us.

He’s moving away, withdrawing, going elsewhere.

In my experience – as long as he’s in the room, in the house, on the date, in bed with you, on the phone – there’s still life in the relationship, and it can be turned around fast.

If he’s out of the house, down the street, in another woman’s arms, or by himself in a tiny hole somewhere instead of with you – it’s much, much harder.

Men have a kind of “inertia” in life. They kind of get “comfortable” and stay.

They put up with ALL manner of things and treatment to stay where they are.

If a man picks himself up and moves – then he’s either a “moving kind of guy” who is always on the move, or you’re not the one.

OR – something was wrong in the dynamic that overcame his desire for you – and THAT you CAN fix!

But the change has to come from you.

Demi Moore didn’t lose her man because he was young or younger or because he wasn’t attracted to her. She lost him because she started losing herself.

She started to lose her confidence, her serenity, her comfort in her own self – and instead she gave into her insecurities and started leaning on old habits.

She stopped being the amazing woman she’d always been. She stopped being a grown-up. She stopped being a mother.

She wanted her youth back so much she gave herself up to her inner Nasty Voice.

I don’t want you to even head in that direction.

Whatever rehab can do for Demi – start that NOW!

You have to find out how to talk to a man in a way that’s easy, feeling-filled, straightforward, and NEVER combative!  Never, ever combative!

The moment we get involved in something where we contribute to the defensiveness and join in the attack – we lose.

We CAN’T WIN an argument!!!

Yeah – you may win the “point” – you may prove you’re “right” and he’s “wrong” – but you lose.

Even if a man is jumpy and defensive to the point of being toxic – you can facilitate change in that behavior by learning how to speak the truth to him in a way that DOESN’T make him feel wrong or get defensive.

The icky thing here is that when a man wants to withdraw – he’ll often get angry on purpose. He’s trying to make you push him away, he’s trying to start a fight, he’s trying to make it so there’s a REASON for him to leave.

Sort of like how Ashton, Demi’s man, cheated with another woman so boldly, publicly and carelessly. He wanted to cause a ruckus so Demi’d have a good excuse to send him packing.

If that hadn’t worked – he likely would have taken it up a notch…as it was, Demi came apart before he had to turn himself into an awful man in order to NOT be the one calling it off.

There’s no way to know any of this by guessing.

We have to talk to a man.

And that’s what we’re all about here.

Talking Truth without blame.

Love, Rori

Posted in

792 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Wow



  2.  #2Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 6:45 am

    “Arguing as a constant in a relationship is a hallmark of immaturity. “



  3.  #3Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 7:04 am

    “The icky thing here is that when a man wants to withdraw – he’ll often get angry on purpose. He’s trying to make you push him away, he’s trying to start a fight, he’s trying to make it so there’s a REASON for him to leave.”

    Oh yes this is classic. My ex husband used to do this all the time, he would start an argument over something so trivial and I would get so pi$$ed off at him, it would give him an excuse to go on a big night out with the boys (and girls of course).



  4.  #4Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 7:06 am

    Great post Rori. So much truth going on here.



  5.  #5T-Girl on May 10, 2012 at 7:08 am

    Great article. What spoke to me was you can be right and make him wrong but in the end you lose.



  6.  #6siren song on May 10, 2012 at 7:08 am

    “Arguing as a constant in a relationship is a hallmark of immaturity. “

    My dynamic with guy who loves me was pretty immature. i feel kind of sad admitting that.

    but i feel great knowing i have this new perspective going forward with other guys in the future.

    thanks rori



  7.  #7T-Girl on May 10, 2012 at 7:14 am

    I did end up getting a gift for J for our 1 year anniversary and I feel so excited to give it to him in celebration of one of the best years of my life and how much I appreciate and love him. I know he has something planned too.



  8.  #8Calypso on May 10, 2012 at 7:58 am

    This subject brings back so many memories from when I was young. My dad used to pick nasty fights with my mom and he always did it right in the middle of dinner and always on Holidays. I was 10 years old when he finally admitted to me that he had another family living just a few blocks from our house. i thought I was an only child, but I actually have a sister who is a year younger than me – from his affair with another woman.

    My dad would pick the fights so he did not have to feel guilty leaving us and going to spend time with his other family. My mom knew this the entire time and put up with it.



  9.  #9ReceivingGirl on May 10, 2012 at 8:22 am

    I have a question. Mr. Observant emailed me asking how my drawing went. I’m responding with my answer and I know you’ve all said that it’s a good thing that he’s all about me, and that asking how he is, is masculine energy, but I feel rude not to ask and just talk about myself while answering his question. How do I play some feminine energy into this? I feel confused. I guess I’m so used to things not being this way, I am not sure how to act. Thanks.



  10.  #10Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 8:26 am

    If you start with my Have The Relationship You Want ebook and really work with it, you’ll understand how my whole system works from both your inside out to change your “vibe” and strengthen your intuition and boundaries, and from the outside in – to help you talk to men and listen to them in a simple, and very DIFFERENT way, that changes the dynamic in your favor every time. It’ll make you feel so much more powerful.

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/a-toxic-man-can-change-but-he-has-to-want-to/



  11.  #11Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 8:38 am

    ReceivingGirl – he is giving, appreciate it by saying thank you and how cared for you feel by his attention. Maybe even tell him how more confident you felt about submitting including his suggestion. Then maybe play a little by asking “how can I get more of that?” The question is a Carol Allen (another coach) suggestion that could encourage him and tell him how open you are to him while appealing to his internal masculine giver. His energy seems to be turned toward you so I would focus on being as feminine as possible. “aww thank you. I feel all……..



  12.  #12Calypso on May 10, 2012 at 8:45 am

    JP contacted me last night saying he was hurt and confused about why we were no longer talking. We both acknowledged that we had been moving too fast, that we really don’t know each other yet and that it is easy to misunderstand via text with someone you have never even met…

    I tried in the beginning to use feeling messages, but the boy in me won out – I ended up telling him, “This may come as a shock to you, but I actually don’t have to get on a plane if I just want to take a shower with an emotionally unavailable man . . . ” Lol. Apparently he was not offended by that because we kept texting and he has now decided to come see me Memorial weekend.

    I’m happy that he is coming home so that we can meet, since I told him I was no longer willing to fly to him, but . . . there is a catch. He asked me to pick him up at the airport – 2 hours from me. I reminded him that my son is graduating High School the day before and I will have family at my house Sat morning – I asked him what time he thought he would need picked up and he told me that he would get a ride from someone else, since I had so much going on, which I appreciated, but then he told me that since he will be leaving his truck on the job site he will not have any way to get around while he is home and told me that I may need to go visit him – he lives an hour and a half from me in a little bitty town with no restaurants or anything to do … UHG!!!

    The boy in me wants to tell him to rent a damn car!



  13.  #13Starla on May 10, 2012 at 9:01 am

    I just went facestalking and see MyGuy has a girlfriend now.

    It’s like I went off on a mission to make myself feel even worse this morning!

    But hopefully this means MyGuy will stop bothering me, finally! lol.



  14.  #14Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 9:04 am

    #12 Calypso

    It sounds like you started well with not picking him up from the airport, smart move!!

    This is where HE has to work now if he wants to get to see you, he’s a grown man he can figure it out. 🙂



  15.  #15ReceivingGirl on May 10, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Thanks, FW.

    Calypso – I feel he wants you to do all the work. He flew in, but he’s still looking for you to go to him. That feels icky to me.



  16.  #16Rose on May 10, 2012 at 9:20 am

    aw thank you Universe…just love how this all works out sometimes…

    I was checking out this spa online near me that I wanted to try out, I looked really nice..And today I get an e-mail offer for this very spa!!!! I feel amazed..lol

    Feels so good to dream when to schedule my spa mani pedi and massage …yay!



  17.  #17Calypso on May 10, 2012 at 9:35 am

    What if I reply with, “You could always rent a Lamborghini and come sweep me off my feet . . . ” or do I just ignore the email, which is what i have done all morning. he has emailed me on different subjects since then that I responded to, but I have not addressed his comment that i will have to go visit him since he has no way to get around. It’s still several weeks away – maybe I will just let his comment go and see if he figures something out, but what if he doesn’t? How do i tell him I want him to come to me?



  18.  #18Brandylion on May 10, 2012 at 9:38 am

    Sirens, several threads ago I asked for help with my OkCupid profile and I felt weird when I didn’t get any response. If I post each section of the profile in a separate post, are some of you willing to help me tweak it?

    Here’s the first one.

    My self-summary:
    I moved to in August 2010, and I feel curious and excited to explore the city and to meet new people. I like trying new things, especially if I feel a little afraid; I feel committed to personal growth, to stepping outside my comfort zone and either reinforcing that boundary or expanding it. I value deep, meaningful connections with people.

    I feel no urgency to jump with both feet into a relationship, but I do want to be married and to have a family someday. I feel good taking my time and keeping my options open until I find the right partner for a lifelong adventure (or he finds me!). I feel good meeting new people and having fun!



  19.  #19April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Calypso,

    Think of it as a test. Some men can gladly be lazy and not step up. But I believe they feel happier when they are in a stepping-up, problem solving active mode.
    Something like “I trust you to find a solution to your transport difficulty. I know you can fix this”

    A real man feels safe when his masculine powers are encouraged and desired.



  20.  #20Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Calypso I kind of agree with the other commentors but at the same time I believe in your shoes after all of that I would feel comfortable not doing anything. I guess I would tell him I feel open meeting somewhere in between where there is something exciting we could do togIether. Keep it playful (that is me) “awww I feel smiley that the smart man was able to figure that out. I feel excited to meet up with you but the girl in me wants it to feel romantic and driving all that way top you doesn’t feel romantic to me.” Then ask if there is something else he could suggest or what he thinks.



  21.  #21Starla on May 10, 2012 at 9:51 am

    My relationship with CF is over
    That relationship broke and died
    My relationship with CF is over
    That relationship broke and died
    My relationship with CF is over
    That relationship broke and died

    Just trying to get this cr*p out of my system so I can move forward in life into new relationships, whether with new people or people I’ve already dated once before.

    New relationships

    Thank you, universe, for the opportunity to develop even more meaningful and healthy deep relationships
    <3



  22.  #22Francesca on May 10, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Brandylion, it sounds fine to me.

    If you are comfortable with what you wrote, there’s no need to tweak anything.



  23.  #23Calypso on May 10, 2012 at 9:57 am

    How about, “The girl in me craves romance . . . I bet a smart guy like you can figure out how to arrange transportation so you can come sweep me off my feet…”



  24.  #24R.N.AmazingMe on May 10, 2012 at 10:23 am

    @23 NICE…LUV IT 🙂



  25.  #25Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 10:44 am

    This post feels like it was written for me. Thank you, Rori.

    I feel so triggered about the part about Ashton and Demi, though. Sometimes, we do temporarily lose ourselves. It happens to both men and women.

    “She started to lose her confidence, her serenity, her comfort in her own self – and instead she gave into her insecurities and started leaning on old habits.”

    That sounds like it could be written about me…

    “Sort of like how Ashton, Demi’s man, cheated with another woman so boldly, publicly and carelessly. He wanted to cause a ruckus so Demi’d have a good excuse to send him packing.

    If that hadn’t worked – he likely would have taken it up a notch…as it was, Demi came apart before he had to turn himself into an awful man in order to NOT be the one calling it off.”

    How could Demi have turned this around? By taking care of herself? Clearly, she started taking care of herself when it was “too late.”

    That makes me feel really, really sad.

    Isn’t the point of a commitment to COMMIT, even, and especially when it feels difficult? Isn’t the point of having someone there with us in good times and bad…isn’t the point to remind us of who we really are and of all the good we are capable of?

    So, if I lose myself, and don’t have anyone helping me to see that, I just lose him? Lose everything?

    Because he just can’t help but push me away?

    This feels so wrong and icky.

    If my man lost himself, I’d remind him of the man I fell in love with. I’d pray for him. and I’d live the best life I could, hoping to inspire him to do the same.

    In the vows of marriage, I promised him I would be there for him until death parted us.

    Why does no one take vows seriously anymore?

    I feel angry…



  26.  #26Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 10:45 am

    My colleague just told me a great story. Where she works one of the residents told her she was selling up and leaving, my colleague asked “Why, don’t you like it here?”

    She said “No, I do, but I have met somebody off an Internet dating site and we have been courting for some time and we are getting married.”

    The lady in question is in her 70’s!!!!

    Awwwwww how sweet, there is hope for me yet lol!! 🙂



  27.  #27Rose on May 10, 2012 at 10:58 am

    (((((Starla))))))



  28.  #28siren song on May 10, 2012 at 11:01 am

    (((starla)))



  29.  #29ReceivingGirl on May 10, 2012 at 11:05 am

    “The icky thing here is that when a man wants to withdraw – he’ll often get angry on purpose. He’s trying to make you push him away, he’s trying to start a fight, he’s trying to make it so there’s a REASON for him to leave.

    Sort of like how Ashton, Demi’s man, cheated with another woman so boldly, publicly and carelessly. He wanted to cause a ruckus so Demi’d have a good excuse to send him packing.”

    I feel this is so true. In my experience, men do this on purpose to make the girl so mad she leaves, so they don’t have to be the bad guy, or she spazzes out and then he can call her crazy.



  30.  #30Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Calpso it sounds great to me



  31.  #31Lily Medusa on May 10, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Receiving Girl (love the new name!),
    I felt kinda triggered when I read about your fear that not asking how he is would seem rude, because I have gone through the same fears and feelings myself! And I have a few really close girl friends that also struggle with that situation. What went through my mind when I read your comment was: (1) I am not used to receiving attention so boldly, and so it feels uncertain and a little scary, like uncharted territory! (2) I want to control that part of me that has a habit of leaning forward, because I have learned that being feminine and leaned back is so much more rewarding. I want to consciously refrain from leaning forward (i.e. trying to get him to talk about himself) even though it feels awkward for me because I’m not used to it. (In my experience, most men don’t need ANY help talking about themselves, ha ha.) Good luck to you. I’d like to know how it feels if you do refrain from asking him how he is doing! Even these little tiny moments of experience feel so good to me.

    Brandylion,
    I don’t see anything wrong with your OKC profile. I love the good FMs you’ve put in, and it follows Rori’s guidelines. Since you ask for feedback, I’ll admit that I don’t feel very excited reading it. Although I connect with what you say (especially how you feel no urgency to jump in, feel good about meeting people, want to be married), I don’t feel emotionally moved by it. To me it sounds a bit generic. Whenever I write those things, I like to include something a little edgy, a little passionate, something startling or unusual to make it stand out from the thousands of other profiles that people post on those sites. Maybe you already have something on there like that and didn’t include it in this post?

    Starla,
    I feel so proud of you. I feel connected to you. I’m rooting for you! Good work! I feel inspired when I read just about everything you write here.



  32.  #32Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Brandylion it kind of reads like a resume. I would encourage you to put something about romance in there. It would feel fun to meet a man who would romance me.



  33.  #33ReceivingGirl on May 10, 2012 at 11:12 am

    ((((Starla))))



  34.  #34ReceivingGirl on May 10, 2012 at 11:12 am

    @23 Calypso – I like it!



  35.  #35Mel on May 10, 2012 at 11:17 am

    “He’s trying to make you push him away, he’s trying to start a fight, he’s trying to make it so there’s a REASON for him to leave.”

    I’m not sure that this is a “GUY” thing… I’ve seen behaviour like this from both sexes. I think it’s more a matter of character. Some people are simply not brave enough to end things, admit they want to move on, and do so with grace. They don’t want to admit failure perhaps, maybe they don’t want to accept any responsibility, or maybe they are just afraid? It’s easier to force the other partner to give up and leave.



  36.  #36Brandylion on May 10, 2012 at 11:21 am

    Next section.

    What I’m doing with my life:
    I teach high school physics; I feel energized working with teenagers and providing them with opportunities to learn and to grow! I will finish my master’s degree this summer, and I feel both excited to do so and a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work yet to be done. I enjoy playing with my two dogs because I just feel so happy seeing the delight in their wagging tails and lolling tongues!

    I also like running, belly dancing, and practicing yoga because I feel connected with my body and myself and I feel challenged in different ways. In fact, I am training for the Cleveland Marathon, and I feel amazed every week that I am that many more miles closer to running my first marathon! I have also enjoyed rock climbing and ballroom dancing in the past, but I’ve developed new interests; I would feel good doing those once in a while again. I feel good taking care of myself.

    I would like to travel more. I feel curious to explore the world outside the US; I’ve been out of the continental US only twice, overseas once. In particular, I want to visit Europe and parts of the Middle East and Africa.



  37.  #37Brandylion on May 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Next three sections.

    I’m really good at:
    listening. I’ve found that people really open up to me and feel comfortable talking to me. I don’t like feeling like a listening post, though! 🙂

    The first things people usually notice about me:
    are my hair and my smile, given that that’s what I’m most often complimented on.

    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food:
    I like fantasy and science fiction books. I have several series on my shelves that I have yet to feel tired of rereading.

    I like to laugh and to feel amused, so I often see comedies when I’m going to the movies. I don’t like crude humor, though; I prefer subtlety. I also like suspenseful movies, whether they’re action or drama.

    I mostly use my TV for background noise nowadays; my schedule feels very full with work and play, so if I’m sitting on my couch it’s usually to grade or prepare materials! I liked watching Law & Order reruns; other shows I’ve followed in the past few years include House, Nip/Tuck, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle, and Lost. I’ve seen a number of episodes of The Big Bang Theory and definitely liked them.

    I like classic rock, but I don’t mind some pop now and then. I’m not much into hip hop or rap. Country is okay.

    I love exotic flavors and aromas, like Indian, Thai, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, and Ethiopian cuisines!



  38.  #38Brandylion on May 10, 2012 at 11:22 am

    Last four sections.

    The six things I could never do without:
    In no particular order:
    (1) space to dance.
    (2) a close friend and confidante.
    (3) a dog.
    (4) my family.
    (5) a fulfilling job that I love to do.
    (6) good books to read.

    I spend a lot of time thinking about:
    how become the best version of myself. How does my journey impact the world around me?

    On a typical Friday night I am:
    running, then relaxing with a good book or movie.

    You should message me if:
    you feel intrigued enough to want to meet me. I feel bored by long email exchanges.



  39.  #39ReceivingGirl on May 10, 2012 at 11:24 am

    @31 Lily Medusa

    Thank you. You completely read my mind in your comment. I feel so awkward because I always leaned forward. I’m not used to the attention directed at me as a person (not my looks). Don’t get me wrong, he has that lustful look in his eyes, but it’s not the look my body up & down (mmm mmm) look. He keeps his eyes on mine at all times.

    I feel I’m not contributing when I’m leaning back. I feel worried he will think I’m not interested because I’m not asking about him. I have pretty much only leaned back with Mr. Observant and he keeps contacting me, so I guess he must not think I’m being rude.

    I didn’t ask him how he was. I said, “Thank you for asking. I feel happy to be thought of.”

    I told him what my teach said and then I said, “I feel relieved to be finished. Now, I have more time for a life and to relax.”

    That was it. It felt awkward for me, but I did it and I feel ok.



  40.  #40Starbright on May 10, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Brandylion,

    I think you’ve painted yourself in a well-rounded light!

    I would consider flipping negatives such as: “I don’t like feeling like a listening post though” to something more like:

    “It feels really good when there is some give and take in conversations. I love both listening and sharing!”

    Also, if you are going to talk about how incredibly busy you are…add something about how you will make time for dating or even though your life is somewhat busy, you welcome making time to bring in a special someone to share it with…

    It’s good to be passionate about your life and have many things to do however with your master’s degree work and all it sounds like you may be too busy to find any time to date in reading your profile.

    I hope this helps.



  41.  #41Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I feel sad. I miss him. It feels awful that he hasn’t texted or called. I feel scared of seeing him again. I feel scared to look into his eyes, those big blue eyes. I feel scared I’m going to see pity there, instead of desire.

    I feel scared of what I’m going to feel. I feel scared of feeling anger or sadness or fear itself.

    I wish I could feel safe. I wish I could feel comforted. I wish I could feel…chosen.

    I choose you, Butterfly. I choose you with all your insecurity and hesitancy and fear. It feels precious to me, because I know it’s because you have loved deeply and I know it’s because part of you still feels starved for love. You feel scared of feeling hungry for love, and of never getting enough of it to eat.

    I’ll never let you go hungry…
    I’ll be your food.
    I’ll be your love.
    Just stay with me.
    Don’t get scared and run away.
    I’m not going to leave you.



  42.  #42Daria on May 10, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Lana – in my case, it’s because I’m no longer a ‘vow’ masculine energy, rigid kinda girl.

    I still have very strong commitment and willpower, and I’m no longer committed to ‘vows’

    I’ve worked with the Margaret Lynch tapping program and had to tap on unconscious loyalty vows I made that kept me from living fully and being happy.

    I no longer believe in being unhappy due to a vow.

    I’m fully committed to myself and my happiness.

    I believe I’ll have a happier marriage and have more love to share with the world this way, than I would by holding on to the ‘vow’ over myself. Can you see the difference in focus?

    Having my happiness as my priority allows me to be more clearheaded and step away when something feels unhealthy – which is what a relationship needs to heal.

    Having a vow as a bind and focus instead might keep me from the very steps that could heal my relationship. As I’d be focused on loyalty and devotion to another before myself (me personally, I know how much I worship others when in masculine energy). I might not make the space needed if it doesn’t ‘look’ like my vow requirements. I might allow myself to be abused – and the relationship to be unhealthy.

    I’d rather have no relationship than am unhealthy one.

    It feels scary and that’s ok.

    I trust myself and I trust that I’ll be having a lovely and committed marriage without a ‘vow.’

    I don’t need to vow, I simply ‘be’ and things will fall into place for me.

    I know I’ll be hanging on to ME the whole time.

    I commit to only being in ‘healthy’ relationships.

    I don’t even have to worry about the ‘vow’ because in a happy healthy relationship, it’s not necessary.

    For some treason I feel shaky about it. I’m the kinda person who feels safe w vows. Who’d feel solid w a bow of forever and endure heavily for honor and a ‘vow.’. I have strong determination. And I’m not wanting to treat myself like that.

    Me first, even over marriage.

    Me first, I am the heart, I am the first domino.

    It’s simply my role, I am Meant to be first, be put first.

    From that place: I choose relationship.

    And I’m now so sure that it’s gonna be happy – I trust myself to make the choice of relationship moment to moment –

    I’m willing to let go of the ‘vow’ as an overarching authority.

    It’s not a vow for me, it’s an intention. A shared intention to share a life 🙂 And I trust that it will come true.



  43.  #43Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    how can I go through so many emotions in such a short amount of time?

    why can’t I choose him?
    why can’t I ever choose anyone?

    I feel so sad. I know Rori says something about this in her ebook, about choosing…

    I feel really sad. I feel sadness in my forehead and in my arms and in my fingertips.

    I feel so unsure of what to do or what to feel. Can’t I just feel without worrying about what I’m feeling? Like I can pick a wrong emotion or something…

    I can’t pick a wrong emotion. I love, accept, and own all of them, as many and as confusing as they all are.

    I want him.
    I don’t want him.
    I feel so stupid.
    I feel like no one believes me.
    I feel unreal.
    I don’t know what to believe.
    about my experiences and how I perceive those experiences.
    How can he just get over me?
    and I’m not even talking about “him” I’m talking about anyone.
    I am impossible to get over.
    Once you get a taste of me, it stays in your mouth. It penetrates your heart and cuts you open and leaves a scar, it leaves you changed, it leaves everyone changed.
    No one is the same after me.
    I am a force. Of love and mess and passion and mystery.
    I am a dance, of pulling back, leaning back, springing forward, responding, erupting, sliding down the mountain in lava, covering everything, changing the chemical structure of everything.

    You are afraid of me.
    But you can’t resist me.
    I am changing you now.
    as I feel all this, as I write all this, as you read all this, as you wonder, where I am and what I’m doing…

    What am I not doing?
    I’m doing everything. I’m feeling everything.
    I embrace my masculine and my feminine and the whole of who I am.
    I embrace my beautiful, sweet, hot, molten anger.
    I love the sadness sliding down my legs, pulsating in my calves.
    I feel alive and vibrant and glowing…
    I am a volcano.
    I feel heat and rumbling and sometimes I explode and the oblivion is so beautiful and colorful and destructive and it changes everything.
    and it’s so powerful, you can’t help but stare and wonder how it all happens, how she can affect absolutely everything, just by standing there, tall and evolving and ruminating in the distance.
    Approach her and feel her and marvel that there’s nothing you can do about her, but let her change you.
    Let her humble you.
    Let amaze you.
    and I will…



  44.  #44Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    @42 Daria – I hear you, Daria. I feel curious. Do you have a vow to yourself? To always love, cherish, and honor yourself, and to never leave yourself?



  45.  #45Daria on May 10, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Mel – unlike women though, men will usually stick it out and not leave in those scenarios, unless another woman is available.

    I feel sad reading it’s about character or being brave – I feel sad like I’m being put down reading this .

    I think many times people dont even realize they’re doing

    I believe we’re all faultless – its subconscious patterning for us.

    I feel self conscious like I rambled. With a man I woulda said . Ouch that feels bad.
    Then he woulda asked me what and I say.

    I feel bad thinking my character is being judged when ppl get called not brave etc.

    I sometimes think I’m not brave and that feels awful..

    I don’t want to believe that about myself a umpire or about anyone else.



  46.  #46Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Mel I also see it as what some describe as bliss blocking. So when people reach their thermostat setting for how love and positive energy they will allow into their lives they do these kinds of things. So asking “are you angry at me?” or “is there something specific I need to know” can sometimes help.

    When I read those words about initiating a fight I saw some parts of me in past relationships.



  47.  #47Leo on May 10, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    This coincidence is very funny….
    I was wanting to share something with you today and it’s just so funny how well it fits to this article.

    I broke my leg 4 weeks ago. Since then I am staying with my man. He offered to take care of me (in his tiny flat). This put me in a, at the beginning, horrible scenario. He is serving me, and I cannot give anything back except a “thanks” and a smile. I had to understand deeply that he does this because he loves me. Not because I do things for him (as i couldn’t :D)

    This whole matter – small flat, broken leg, work (nightshift, very stressful), money issues- was really hard on him. I know he is a brainer-kind of guy. He rarely has sex with me, when he is stressed. Still, I wondered what the reasons were he doesnt wanna have sex. One time, he actually did ask me what’s wrong with me. I wasn’t at that point able to talk to him about it.

    So two days ago, I was gone all day to doctors out of town. When i came back I noticed that he watched a porn (we share the same computer). This generally is not a problem for me, as long as I am satisfied 😉
    So this then was the tip of the iceberg and I decided to talk to him about it. I did so when we were cuddling before he had to go to work. First he listened, then when I wanted to hear an opinion of him, he (as most of the times) decided to “end” the matter and leave me. But I get better and better at not letting him leave the conversation and at drawing him back. So I kept on talking, only about me and my feelings. Eventually, he came back into bed and listened and tried to explain and we talked.

    Now the fascinating thing:

    When he was at work, we were messaging and he picked up the topic with “you are an extraordinary woman” He then admitted some of his faults regarding this matter (which impressed me). And then…….. He said no woman would “put up” with his behavior for so long as I had (over 4 years). And that I am the first woman who does not make judgements about him or make accusations.
    Hearing this felt so awesome. Because it was exactly was I was trying to do… Not judging him or accusing him, making everything his fault, but being straight, using facts (= my feelings).

    This felt soo awesome… I felt so much verification of my doings.

    If we have an “argument”, we can use it to become a lot closer!!
    This felt so incredible and empowering!

    -Leo-



  48.  #48Daria on May 10, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Lama – its a commitment to myself yes. It’s not necessary to ‘vow’ because I want my freedom each moment to choose it again and again.

    A ‘vow’ is a powerful energy thing that doesn’t take my feelings into account.

    And I choose for my feelings to come first.



  49.  #49Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I’ve had so many guys who have shown interest in me get girlfriend who turn into fiances who turn into wives.

    and at sour points in their relationships, they always want to test the waters with me. and it makes me feel so angry.

    I feel like it’s so pointless to test the waters with me.
    If you’re not going to take the risk and dump her, what’s the point?

    is it because they know how differently I respond when I know I can actually have them?

    that I won’t respond?
    or that I’ll respond with fear and running away?

    I really want to heal this.
    This pattern feels so sad…



  50.  #50Daria on May 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Lama – its a commitment to myself yes. It’s not necessary to ‘vow’ because I want my freedom each moment to choose it again and again.

    A ‘vow’ is a powerful energy thing that doesn’t take my feelings into account.

    And I choose for my feelings to come first.

    A ‘vow’ is something a man might do I believe.

    As a woman, I’m reserving my right to choose relationship. I will not suffer abuse or I’ll treatment for a masculine vow.

    It’s like trying to use a sword to hold water.

    I think many women have been held in slavery by these vows in vastly unhappy situations.

    Not Daria. I’m gettin it now, how marriage is a moment to moment voice made of love, not vows.

    I’ll Choose to be w my husband everyday because it Feels good, feels better than not. Even when it feels challenging, it still feels better than not.

    And if it ever didn’t, Id leave! And he knows and so hes subconsciously forever attracted to me, that I keep myself first. And That is how attraction is created and with connection the marriage is Happy 🙂

    It’s a new marriage a marriage honoring the feminine. A marriage based on love, not vows.

    I used to think I’d rather have a vowed one that lasts, even unhappy. That lasting is more important than happiness.

    No way!

    I refuse that for myself now!

    I now choose happiness all the way – and u know what, I bet this way will also last 🙂



  51.  #51Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 12:31 pm

    @48 Daria – “its a commitment to myself yes. It’s not necessary to ‘vow’ because I want my freedom each moment to choose it again and again.”

    couldn’t you make the same decision with a man? having the freedom to choose him again and again?
    there’s freedom in commitment.
    it’s constant work, just like our relationship with ourself is constant work.
    we don’t always treat ourselves as well as we could. but we don’t leave ourselves.
    we can, but it makes us miserable.
    we can’t live without Who we really are.
    I hope I’m making sense…
    I feel so curious and in awe of all this…



  52.  #52Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    vow – a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment, according to dictionary.com…



  53.  #53Daria on May 10, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Do you honor your vows?

    No I honor myself. I honor my heart.

    I may honor relationship, and honor my man, but not cuz of any vows.

    Ha. The loyalty fanatic grows out of ‘loyalty first’ and uses her strength to trust in love now.

    There’s no need for loyalty when there’s no war or conflict or enemies.

    This feels scary for me!

    I still want men to be loyal to me

    I feel a bit lost I don’t totally understand and that feels scary !

    (((((Daria)))))



  54.  #54Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    OK so here I am with my rubbish internet dating thingie.

    I view lots of profiles, men who favourite you or meet me in POF but have never even contacted you, WTH is that all about?

    And men who have spoken on the forums and you have been interested in what they said, so you go and look at their profile and they have the phwoar factor not because they are good looking or anything but they appeal to YOU, so doing the RR thing where do you go with this? You can’t contact THEM, they may not even be aware you exist unless they view the Who Has Viewed Me thingie………….Gawd when did life get this difficult?



  55.  #55Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    i feel really confused about this choice thing. He chooses you, but you have to choose him too. How does CDing fit into all this?



  56.  #56Daria on May 10, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    I commit to sharing a life w u feels to me like I am making an intention and choosing to continue making it

    I ‘vow’ to make my life w u. Is a much more powerful Feeling for me. It’s like my souls been sucked in.

    It’s an energetic thing for me and it feels crucially .



  57.  #57Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    If we are sticking to the RR rules on internet dating, do men ALWAYS have to make the first move?



  58.  #58Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    @53 Daria – aww, I felt empathy reading this. You are cute!



  59.  #59Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Rori???

    Daria ???



  60.  #60Daria on May 10, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Eitherway Lama –

    For me it’s been a journey from

    Honoring vows and principles over feelings and happiness.

    To: Honoring myself and people and love and health over principles and vows.

    A vow is a have to and a commitment is a choose to to me.

    ‘bad stuff’ punishments happen to those ppl who break vows.

    It’s a way to bind a soul.

    I don’t want to be bound, I want to be free and choosing relationship and being chosen as the one every moment of it.

    It’s a way to NOT put relationship first cuz the vow is there si there’s no need to.

    I’m just glad I’m no longer all about vows. I coulda been that way forever, never vulnerable.

    I coulda never chosen to honor love, to believe everything will be ok and good without binding it and Forcing it. Obligating it. Subjugating it and all that stuff.

    I’m going to have a Better marriage than my patents and grandparents because of this.

    While people are crying about no one celebrating vows and the power of single women to divorce and choose,

    I’m CELEBRATING it because I know this means more honor for women, and

    The putting of happiness first, even above marriage, even above relationship, even above vows.

    Happiness first. They say it’s chaos and we will all perish as sinners.

    I don’t feel afraid, I don’t feel like a sinner 🙂 right now.

    I feel pure and loved and divine.

    I love my commitment to happiness.

    One can’t take a ‘vow’ of happiness. Vows don’t work that way, they’re not designed for fluid feelings. Commitments can.



  61.  #61Starbright on May 10, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    In one of Rori’s programs there is info about contacting men one time on dating sites with a short email with one thing that has caught your eye in his profile and saying that you are intrigued followed by your name.



  62.  #62Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Now I’m thinking about bows more. Wondering about them being witnessed. What a powerful magical spell.

    Is it for others. Can I make a vow to myself only for myself or is it always in relationship to another.

    It’s to assure to prove my commitment

    It’s out of fear?

    On my wedding I would vow to always put myself first and honor my heart.

    I already think I Have vowed this, or committed strongly to it. Hmm.

    I guess I don’t feel comfortable vowing anything else..,

    Like what?

    I know there’s nothing needed.

    Hmm

    I vow to respect you as a man and have u as my mate.

    Hmmm…

    I don’t wana vow that.

    I want it to be freely chosen every moment.

    I allow you to be my life mate. To be my man and to build a life w me.

    Maybe I can do intentions?

    And yet theres something I love about vows.

    I would like to get more about this! Thanks universe!

    (((((Vows))))

    I know is marriage is no longer about vows.

    It’s about Love and choosing to be there every moment because I Want to.



  63.  #63Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    @60 Daria – Daria, I hope I don’t trigger you when I say this, but I have a feeling I might. Have you talked to people who have gone through divorce? There’s a reason it feels so awful. It’s not supposed to happen. Everyone experiences some problems in marriage. It’s inevitable when two completely different people try to combine two completely different lives. But I believe there’s a beauty in the combination, and that harmony can be found, even in the most difficult of situations. and difficult situations always arise. Financial, health, other tempting men and women, suffering, depression, death, and so many other things. We can choose to leave or work those unpleasant things. Because love is a choice. It’s not merely a feeling…



  64.  #64April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Hello Silver Moonbeam,

    I’m feeling all excited…. I just joined a dating site for the first time.

    I am having so much fun sending messages. I sent one saying “I feel embarassed but I just have to say you are cute!” and another saying “I feel gentle and happy reading about you”.
    I sent a big long chatty message to a really fun-looking lady who is bisexual!!!!!

    I want new friends!!!!



  65.  #65April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    OMG. The one I said “I feel gentle and sweet reading about you” has just sent me a wonderful reply, remarking on my profile and saying he’s been listening to birdsong today outside his office.

    AAAAGH! I feel explosive. My tummy is tumbling and my nerves feel tingling out of my skin!



  66.  #66Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    I feel curious. I still feel a longing for SeenmecryCD and I feel like I’m going to be judged for having it. We haven’t spoken in two weeks, and I miss him so much.

    But I’m leaning back.

    We were some of the last people to leave last night.

    A huge part of me just wanted to go over and talk to him, and tell him how much I miss him. I just miss listening to him and talking to him.

    I want to spend more time with him, but I feel guilty for wanting that because of his gf.

    I wish I could tell him that I want to spend more time with him, but I feel scared to get close, because I suspect that I am going to start caring even more, only to have him run off and get married.

    I want to spend more time with Jack CD, but I feel scared because Friend is in the mix.

    why do I suddenly feel so warm towards Jack CD again? I was feeling so angry and so cheap.

    Fear is my problem.
    My biggest problem.
    If I was a Rock Star, I could do anything.
    Nothing would affect me.
    Or would it?

    Can you be a Rock Star, and still have sad feelings?

    I feel so confused!
    I feel so stuck!



  67.  #67Starla on May 10, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    I forgot to mention that Alaska asked for a “re-first” date, since I’ve been friend-zoning him for a while since we started hanging out again. The thing is, last fall when we went out a few times, it left a bad taste in my mouth. He was so negative that I felt like he must not even like me.

    So I’m going to go with him on this date. But I saw him today on lunch and I told him I just got my heart broken and I’m not really even sure where I’m at with that, so I hope that’s okay.

    He said, “yeah, for a while.” lol

    He was very clear that he is looking for a future wife and not just female companionship.

    I start to like more and more about him every time we hang out, but still something feels missing with him.

    I noticed today that he has very nice arms!! He is hiding some serious muscles under his oxford shirt.



  68.  #68Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Lama – i know lots of people who’ve gone through divorce

    it feels better than being beaten and humiliated

    which is what happens with women when divorce is not an option

    i grew up somewhere where divorce was not common. it still isn’t, until this generation

    many marriages are deeply unhappy

    DEEPLY UNHAPPY and has been the standard for thousands of years

    it won’t be for Daria

    i will not stick in ANY relationship that feels unhappy… and Magically – its what actually ENSURES a happy marriage for me

    ‘vowed’ marriages are male organized, male ordained marriages

    it feels trippy to see all those men up there, officiating a male marriage,

    and women just as a bride or in the audience

    they were made for men

    marriages for women – well we’re not so rigid

    we get to choose

    im making my own



  69.  #69Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    @67 Starla – He probably has grown as a person since last fall, just like you have! maybe what is missing is YOU. all of you, not just the pieces of you that you want to give, but the pieces that you want to hold back too…



  70.  #70Mel on May 10, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Hmmm…

    Daria, I do see you as brave, actually. Choosing happiness is a very brave intention.

    I agree that often times people don’t even know that they are sabotaging things. Being brave is a learned character trait, I think.



  71.  #71Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    I don’t need a vow to breathe and i dont need a vow to open my heart .

    i dont need a vow to be there in a happy relationship

    and thats what im choosing – happy relationship.



  72.  #72Iamabutterfly on May 10, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    @68 Daria – I’m not sure I understand what you mean, but I’m feeling some hostility towards MALENESS in general from what you’ve written.

    why is male organized and male ordained such a bad thing?

    by leaning back in our feminine energy, aren’t we allowing the male to organize and ordain our marriages by default?

    and why can’t we turn UNHAPPY marriages into HAPPY ones, just like Rori did?



  73.  #73Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    hmmm

    maybe i would liek a vow from the man

    they like these masculine vowing give u the world things

    that would make me feel solid

    its still really just a commitment though, just an intent with every moment choice even for him

    he can say a vow

    but the important part is

    he is choosing to act on the intent every moment

    if he’s not choosing that

    i don’t want to be there.

    i dont want to vow myself into an empty shell

    i feel so excited and shaky

    theres so much richness here for me

    id like to learn about vows commitments choices universe

    id like to experss in an inspiring way

    my transformation



  74.  #74Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Lama – unhappy marriages can only turn into happy ones if the woman has the room – in her mind!!! and life

    to walk away

    abuse doesn’t turn through non – abuse by staying there and taking the abuse

    it turns to non-abuse when someone consistently says no and walks away.

    Why are male ordained marriages bad?

    theyre for men

    and rather unconcerning in a way

    wahts ‘bad’ is the absence of the female in divinity and in the spiritual ceremony of it

    women are keepers of the sprit

    the men are the leaders in the world

    its us who really hold the spirit, and having only men trying to handle spirit leaves them lost and us feeling worthless



  75.  #75Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    thanks Mel 🙂

    i feel inspired by what you said as being brave being learned

    omg

    like EVERYTHING! 😀 😀

    its not set in stone!

    i can grow my bravery

    omg how freeing! thank you Mel!



  76.  #76April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Another reply!!!!

    I’m falling off my bed, where I’m sitting.
    Are these real people? These men are responding almost straight away!

    Another reply just came in:
    “Not been called cute in a while but thank you, that’s very sweet”

    I don’t mind initiating, cos I’m getting to pick the ones I like! And I will only reply to their response if they ask me a question.



  77.  #77Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Starla I believe when the chemistry you had with CF truly wears off, what’s missing with Alaska will no longer be missing. Alaska seems to have upgraded himself.



  78.  #78Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    I feel shaky and scared that I will be made wrong

    Sorry Lama and Mel if i was making you wrong

    what am i defending?

    the new me getting on her feet

    theres no need to defend

    awwww

    thanks powerful Daria



  79.  #79April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    What I’m realising is that I have feminine knowledge….

    I know how to make these men fall in love with me.

    I feel a responsibility to treat them gently.



  80.  #80Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    SMB/Starbright – It is in Reconnect where the suggestion about contacting men once is made.



  81.  #81Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – Rori says its best to respond to those who contact us,

    — when we contact first, we are going by our attractions — which are based on PAST PATTERNS!!!

    so its better to respond to those who contact us to minimize that

    our work is in Shifting our past patterns.

    I’ve contacted first and felt great and crashed in clear past pattern formation 🙂

    i feel better not contacting first now

    i did it plenty a time and just watched how i felt during my experiment. (warning- i wound up feeling bad, this is how i am ‘getting’ on an Emotional level, that I dont feel good contacting men. its no longer bullshit. i really actually dont feel good contacting them anymore)



  82.  #82Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    April Rose – that feeling responsibility to treat them gently is my relationship killer

    if i can heal that, i can really receive fearlessly



  83.  #83Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    they are men! they can handle it

    even when they seem soooo damn fragile ugh!

    as long as i respect them

    they dont like not being respected, not even a lil bit… ESPECIALLY when they’re falling for me

    just a hint of not respecting the masculine and i can see them withdraw



  84.  #84April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I hear you Daria,

    This lovely guy who I’m writing to back and forth tonight – I kinda wish I’d let him find me first. Yes, I wish that.

    Oooh. I’m learning.
    I’ll see if anyone else writes to me first, before I do any more initiating.
    My profile and photos are totally yummy 🙂



  85.  #85Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    I just got this text from Neighbor CD :

    Daria “Dgirl” [my last name] – “WANTED!” for being “SEXY” and “KNOWING IT!” Considered Her to be “Armed and Dangerous!” “Dont Try to Apprehend Her!”

    hehe!!!



  86.  #86Daria on May 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    (((April Rose))) – yes exactly, I feel excited reading this

    thats what happens to me. I contact them, and if It works well… i WISH they had contacted me first

    then i get all in my head questioning my attraction, him, etc and before i know it… the energy got thrown off

    oops! so much for rockstar!



  87.  #87April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    I think that is what I mean by treating them gently – I mean treating them with respect and honesty.



  88.  #88Starla on May 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    I feel in my heart that I shouldn’t even try dating alaska because he’s just gonna feel led on since I don’t want him.

    He pops pills for anxiety and depression and i don’t like it.

    ugh
    i want to hide.



  89.  #89April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    Well I ain’t gonna beat myself up for contacting him first.

    I love my little girl excitement and enthusiasm about him and wanting to make friends straight away. She noticed he was gentle and musical and loves nature. It feels so refreshing after seeing the profiles of sporty beer-drinkers.

    Please don’t tell me I need to be open to loud, sporty beer-drinkers!!



  90.  #90Starla on May 10, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    fw i feel like the chemistry will never wear off:(

    i hate him and every man ever right now, lol

    my male friend J just flipped on me. He’s asked me over and over to take pictures of myself (i don’t freaking know why, either. he just wants them cuz he likes my face) and i keep saying no. So finally, today I told him to stop asking. And he flipped on me and said I was too snarky and I’m always sending him mixed signals about what is okay to ask about and what’s not, and that i’m always doing this or that. Then he started saying something about his childhood and it’s just a mess.

    I wanted to work through the triggers but in the end i was like “look dude, this is just weird. i just wanted you to stop asking me for photos. now it’s all THIS”. So he logged off our chat in a huff.

    grrrrrrrr



  91.  #91April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    So, I’m feeling kinda clueless.

    I’ve put in my profile that I’m seeing someone and looking for new friends.

    That’s closer to the truth than single and looking for short/long-term dating.

    Hmmm. I’m just doing it thru a feeling of curiosity. I’ll see what happens.



  92.  #92April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    I need a name for gentle, singer, nature CD – the man who has started writing to me tonight.

    His last message was telling me how he feels about creating music and how the depth of him connects thru his voice and guitar. He feels simple and genuine to me. He didn’t ask me a question this time other than asking for more pics.

    He revealed his name. Should I reveal mine?



  93.  #93Starla on May 10, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    my life is easy. no obligations to anyone but myself. i see all these people with babies on facebook, and i wonder how they seem so happy. if i had a baby i’d be a miserable person.



  94.  #94Lily Medusa on May 10, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Re: 39 Receiving Girl
    Wow, I feel great reading that you did that! Congrats.



  95.  #95April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Oh, Starla,
    How can you speculate so?
    If you had a baby… you’d feel a million things…. but I don’t reckon miserable would be one of them 😉



  96.  #96Starla on May 10, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    i have mucho emotions right now
    right now i feel abandoned. and angry at cf for his garbage.



  97.  #97April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    So, I said goodnight and signed off.

    Phew. It’s all feeling very fast and overwhelming.

    Is that how easy it is to meet people? My gosh!



  98.  #98April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    I can’t actually believe I just joined a dating site!

    And met two men in the first visit.



  99.  #99April Rose on May 10, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    I was on a Feeling Message frenzy!

    I find them so much easier to write than to say.



  100.  #100Starla on May 10, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    it wasn’t the right relationship for me
    it wasn’t the right relationship for me
    it wasn’t the right relationship for me

    at least at the time.

    ((((((((((((((((me)))))))))))))))))))

    it’s okay, starla, to miss someone so much. even if they don’t feel the same.



  101.  #101Sarah on May 10, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    Wow! Just reading another blog. This tough love seems a bit harsh to me. Not everyone is up to it. Some very harsh sirens giving so-called ‘tough love’ just seems damn right bitchy to me. One thing I hate about this blog…

    Very scary…



  102.  #102Starla on May 10, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    So scared to get involved with someone else only to have CF come back.

    I would feel so confused, and it has always been a nightmare of mine that i would find a nice guy in life only to have an ex that i deeply wanted come back offering stability.

    I will let men have their hand at trying to make me forget about him, but I will not date just to cover up my feelings that are still raw.

    I am trusting the universe here.



  103.  #103Starla on May 10, 2012 at 3:14 pm

    Dear Universe,
    I trust you.



  104.  #104lk on May 10, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    my NVs are driving the bus today : / lol…. hmmmm….

    we’ll see : )



  105.  #105FlowerChild77 on May 10, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Hello everyone…I can’t thank you all enough for the love and support sent my way—here and on FB. I feel blessed and loved and most of all, understood. You’ve all been wonderful.

    I don’t want to be angry with anyone–him, his ‘sisters’, or with myself. I don’t have energy for that and it won’t change anything. Maybe I’m getting confused between anger/blame and this awful ACHING I feel to have done things differently…to have taken that leap of faith and trusted the Universe. I DID love him—but I loved, more, who I was when I was with him. Just like Rori says….

    I needed to vent. I’m not even angry with the ex-gf. Envious, yes, of course. Who wouldn’t be? (Although he never bought her a diamond ring or asked her to marry him.)

    He didn’t know I’d given notice to my landlord and was coming back now—I was waiting for some time alone with him to let him know (not on the phone, etc.)

    I believe he was giving up on me after all these months. Here I was, expecting ‘dating’ behavior from him—and all he wanted was for me to come home.

    That’s part of the pain inside—that I think he may have died thinking I didn’t love him enough to do this with him. Looking back, I can see he was getting tired…getting sicker, but wouldn’t go to a doctor and wouldn’t talk about it.

    I thought we had time—not forever—but some time. I knew I would outlive him, but I had no idea it would end NOW. If we’d run off to the courthouse and gotten married there would be no question of a will or going to an attorney or ‘whose job’ that was. That’s what he wanted (to get married) and I was making it way more complicated than it had to be.

    I was “all in my head” about it 🙁

    I’m trying to take all this back to myself, not to beat myself up, but because I am responsible for my decisions and actions. YES, I wish he would have been more proactive. But I knew this about him and I loved him and wanted to be with him anyway—my choice.

    He was loyal and devoted—loving and affectionate, very passionate and kept all my ‘secrets’—he never talked about our problems to others (except to happily brag that we were getting married—he told EVERYONE!) I find it hard to imagine finding this type of deep trust in someone else—ever. He is the only man I have ever loved in this completely amazing way.

    I realize I don’t have to beat myself up about it, but I can’t heal if I don’t own my ‘stuff.’ I will never understand why these women chose to be so unnecessarily cruel (my attorney’s words) and shut me out this way. Being told to stand in line with John Q. Public about getting my personal belongings hurts in a way I can’t even describe.

    It really hurts to not be recognized as any more important than strangers. As I said in one of my posts yesterday–she did this exact thing to him when his parents died. (He was only 18.) She clearly has some issue with power and control. My attorney was astonished at how quickly they had everything ‘wrapped up’—said it was unusual to be SO concerned with getting rid of me, as I have no legal claim.

    In all my jealousy about the ex-gf, I try to comfort myself with the fact that he never bought her a diamond ring and never proposed to her. And any time the pension was brought up he said it was “for our retirement.” I really don’t think he expected to die so soon.

    I know I sound like a broken record. I’m sorry. I started taking my vitamins again and I’m trying to eat at least twice a day. I drink LOTS of water. I just have no appetite and most food smells and tastes disgusting to me. Between that and little sleep, I’m doing the best I can. Meditating helps.

    I am so blessed to have you all as friends <3



  106.  #106Starla on May 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    wow now my best friend is pissed at me because she was trying to tell me i don’t need to lose any more weight and i jokingly said to her “you just want me to get fat cuz you’re pregnant and r gonna get fat!”

    and she’s not pissed that i said she’s gonna get fat.

    she’s pissed cuz i said that she wants me to get fat.

    so i apologized and explained to her that i was just being insecure about my weight

    but she kept going off on me

    and then i got defensive.

    then i said maybe we should hang up.

    then she is like “yeah you go on and hang up then” all sarcastically.

    and then i had to go back to work anyway

    so i went in the bathroom and cried my eyes out

    i feel very alone and abandoned today. she is my major source of support. i don’t want her to be mad at me. i also don’t want to have to apologize 5 times and then be scolded for starting to get irritated with being talked over and yelled at.



  107.  #107Daria on May 10, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Brandylion – I LOVE TWEAKING PROFILES!!! HERE GOES:

    My self-summary:
    I moved to in August 2010, and I feel curious and excited to explore the city and to meet new people. I like trying new things, especially if I feel a little afraid; I feel committed to personal growth, to stepping outside my comfort zone and either reinforcing that boundary or expanding it. I value deep, meaningful connections with people.

    **** I feel curious and excited to explore this city and meet new people… I’ve been here only a couple of years so far. I love feeling thrilled and doing new exciting things. In relationship too, I want to feel connected and deep, and feel brave to expand and grow as a person with a man’s support. ****

    I feel no urgency to jump with both feet into a relationship, but I do want to be married and to have a family someday. I feel good taking my time and keeping my options open until I find the right partner for a lifelong adventure (or he finds me!). I feel good meeting new people and having fun!

    ***I want to be married and have a family someday, and… I feel good taking my time keeping my options open until the right man for this lifelong adventure finds me :). I feel good meeting new people and having fun! ***

    What I’m doing with my life:
    What I’m doing with my life:
    I teach high school physics; I feel energized working with teenagers and providing them with opportunities to learn and to grow! I will finish my master’s degree this summer, and I feel both excited to do so and a little overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work yet to be done. I enjoy playing with my two dogs because I just feel so happy seeing the delight in their wagging tails and lolling tongues!

    I also like running, belly dancing, and practicing yoga because I feel connected with my body and myself and I feel challenged in different ways. In fact, I am training for the Cleveland Marathon, and I feel amazed every week that I am that many more miles closer to running my first marathon! I have also enjoyed rock climbing and ballroom dancing in the past, but I’ve developed new interests; I would feel good doing those once in a while again. I feel good taking care of myself.

    I would like to travel more. I feel curious to explore the world outside the US; I’ve been out of the continental US only twice, overseas once. In particular, I want to visit Europe and parts of the Middle East and Africa.

    ***I feel energized sharing my supreme knowledge of physics with teenagers … I teach highschool physics! Im finishing my masters in the fall too – I’ll feel relieved of overwhelming work and can’t wait to feel accomplished and free.

    Relaxing, I feel happy when I’m playing with my 2 waggy doggies, and moving my body. Running, bellydancing and yoga feel challenging and it feels so fresh and alive to feel so aware of my body. Actually, I feel pretty surprised and impressed with myself… I’m training for the Cleveland Marathon this year!

    Traveling feels fun too. It feels like I’m missing out on the world outside the US sometimes! I’ve traveled internationally twice and I feel curious for more. In particular, I’m feeling drawn to explore Europe and parts of the Middle East and Africa. ****

    Next three sections.

    I’m really good at:
    listening. I’ve found that people really open up to me and feel comfortable talking to me. I don’t like feeling like a listening post, though!

    *** Listening. I feel really connected when people open up to me and feel comfortable talking to me. ****

    The first things people usually notice about me:
    are my hair and my smile, given that that’s what I’m most often complimented on.

    *** Mm.. I feel flattered getting compliments on my lovely hair and smile 🙂 ***

    Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food:
    I like fantasy and science fiction books. I have several series on my shelves that I have yet to feel tired of rereading.

    ***Fantasy and science fiction books feel captivating and exciting. I can actually reread them – I have several series – and get that out-of-this-world feeling I crave. ***

    I like to laugh and to feel amused, so I often see comedies when I’m going to the movies. I don’t like crude humor, though; I prefer subtlety. I also like suspenseful movies, whether they’re action or drama.

    ***Movies feel fun when they’re comedies… (subtle feels good. Crude feels bad)… Suspense feels awesome too***

    I mostly use my TV for background noise nowadays; my schedule feels very full with work and play, so if I’m sitting on my couch it’s usually to grade or prepare materials! I liked watching Law & Order reruns; other shows I’ve followed in the past few years include House, Nip/Tuck, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle, and Lost. I’ve seen a number of episodes of The Big Bang Theory and definitely liked them.

    ***Mm i feel a bit busy for TV! Law & Order reruns feel fun. House, Nip/Tuck, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle and Lost feel cool to chill out to sometimes. The Big Bang Theory… would feel open to see more of those episodes.***

    I like classic rock, but I don’t mind some pop now and then. I’m not much into hip hop or rap. Country is okay.

    ***I feel in my element with classic rock, even some pop. Rap and hip hop not so much. I feel open to country.***

    I love exotic flavors and aromas, like Indian, Thai, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, and Ethiopian cuisines!

    ***Mmm.. exotic food feels exciting: Indian, Thai, Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, Ethiopian… ***

    Last four sections.

    The six things I could never do without:
    In no particular order:
    (1) dance and feeling free to do so
    (2) feeling close to a friend
    (3) a dog to feel that special animal kind of bond
    (4) feeling loved by my family.
    (5) a fulfilling job that feels great
    (6) books that feel interesting.

    I spend a lot of time thinking about:
    how become the best version of myself. How does my journey impact the world around me?

    *** How to feel expansive and more me. Feeling powerful and important and loving with the world.***

    On a typical Friday night I am:
    running, then relaxing with a good book or movie.

    ***Feeling up to the challenge running for my marathon! Then feeling relaxed with a good book or movie***

    You should message me if:
    you feel intrigued enough to want to meet me. I feel bored by long email exchanges.

    ***It would feel great to hear from a romantic man interested to meet me in person!***



  108.  #108Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Flower was he ill?



  109.  #109FlowerChild77 on May 10, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    ((((Starla)))) I understand your missing him. And I understand missing him and feeling confused at the same time. It doesn’t make the missing any easier.



  110.  #110FlowerChild77 on May 10, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Ugh…I should proof read my posts a little better..repeating myself, saying things twice…my mind is puddle of mush :-p



  111.  #111Starla on May 10, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    btw, i said this to her 3 days ago. she’s just now bringing it up. i even thanked her for telling me it was bothering her, but when she kept going and going and going and turning everything i said into something offensive, i just couldn’t win!

    i cried so hard:( my face is all puffy, i don’t care.



  112.  #112Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Starla I believe I was emotional, at times to the point of being unreasonable when I was pregnant. If I were you I would not take what she said personal.



  113.  #113Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    mm ok April Rose – i won’t tell you you need to be open to loud sporty beer drinkers

    you just need to be open to every man that contacts you 😉



  114.  #114Sarah on May 10, 2012 at 4:08 pm

    Aaahhh relationship = stress to me!

    Why??

    Why, why??

    Stress, stress..

    I feel so imature and needy…

    I hate the thought of relationships..

    They make me feel sick.

    They bore me to death, and intrigue me to death..

    How can that be??

    I feel scared. I feel scared. I feel scared.

    How do you know what another person is feeling?

    How do you even know what you are feeling??

    Why isit so scary?

    Why does it never work out for me even when I follow Rori’s rules to the letter.

    Maybe I need to accept that it is highly likely that there is NOBODY out there that is rhght for me, that I can imagine growingnold with.

    Why do I always feel so panicky about relationships?

    Why do I always feel so tortered..????



  115.  #115Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    {{{FlowerChild}}},

    I experienced something a bit like what you went thru…except my situation involved a man who I had known only 6 months, with whom I was NOT in love.

    When Christopher in AZ was told he was terminally ill, I visited him every day in the hospital, walking 2-3 miles on foot. When he wanted to come home for hospice care, his sister told me that was ridiculous and let him go to a hospice. I honored Christopher’s wishes and brought him home, caring for his physical and medical needs. I was worn to a frazzle after three weeks in the hospital and 3 weeks at my home.

    Christopher verbally gave me his TV to remember him by, and gave his white guitar to his brother. He had nothing else of value to give.

    I decided to go on a weekend retreat with my church to have a breather, not knowing how much longer he would live. His sister took him for the weekend, and I sent his TV and meager possessions for his comfort. He passed away while I was gone for 2 days.

    His sister heaped accusation on me for not being there for him in his final moments. She told me nastily that I didn’t care about him or I wouldn’t have left him like that. I think she had visited him two times during the 6 weeks I cared for him.

    She insisted that Christopher had given his TV to her son, his nephew. I said with tears that he had given it to me, that it was going to be empty enough at home without his TV being gone. She said, “Ok, if you want to break a little boy’s heart, go ahead and take the TV!”

    She insisted nastily that I give her other brother the white guitar, even tho I never debated it, since that was Christopher’s wishes. I ended up with his favorite shirt, his duffle bag, and his blow dryer.

    Her self centeredness and materialism left me feeling twice as grieved about his passing. It should have been a time when his loved ones gathered together and comforted each other. It is sad when people love things and use people.

    If I had known him as many years as you did and was that close to marriage, it would have felt 100 times worse than it did already.

    I love people and use things.



  116.  #116Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    ACTUALLY OPEN TO EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE AT ALL TIMES

    Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!



  117.  #117Starla on May 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    yeah and i’m pms-ing. we are gonna kill each other. hahahaha. maybe we should just eat chocolate and cry.

    (((((((my best friend)))))))))



  118.  #118Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    not a have to or a need but a “you have the choice to and it feels really good to and the world loves it when u are”



  119.  #119Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    when i read “i love people and use things” i feel sad deeply

    i feel like im being shamed for ‘using’ men the way Rori teaches

    or using people for what they’ve showed up to heal

    i don’t feel good to feel ashamed about that

    i feel sad very sad and not seen and loved

    like im walked over and dismissed and silenced by the cliche, like its pavement just poured over me

    i feel ‘looked over’

    and that feels terribly sad and heartbreaking

    i feel curious and excited exploring this

    and writing my felenigs over this



  120.  #120Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    oh yeah and i love things too

    i feel angry about that

    about the “shaming” feeling along with that phrase

    like saying – its WRONG to use people and love things – to me

    i feel squeezing in my chest in my forehead and in my cheeks

    i feel scared ill easily ‘lose an argument’ about this and

    be ignored and pushed aside

    so familiar stuff!!

    wow i want to heal this, i feel excited to be healing this



  121.  #121Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I FEEL SO MAD — YOU DESERVE DATING BEHAVIOR FROM A MAN!

    ESPECIALLY!!!!! if he wants you to come home

    omg!!

    so furious!!!

    BEING AT HOME INVOLVES CONSTANT ‘DATING’ BEHAVIOR!!! IE HIM TAKING CARE OF YOUR NEEDS AND ROMANCE BEING ALIVE

    thats what were all learning here, that without romance relatinships go unahppy

    UGH

    i feel uncomfortable feeling so angry!

    i feel uncomfortable writing this in this situation

    my nvs say im disrespectful irreverent inappropriate callous inconsiderate

    and i feel mad

    i feel mad being called those things and i dont want to be called those things

    i dont want to feel like im bulldozing someone

    i feel so frustrated feeling this way

    i reallyy really ant all this energy to go into SUPPORT!



  122.  #122Amy on May 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Thank you ladies for your words of strength in the last thread. I feel better just reading the words. 🙂

    I just have one more question I am just curious about… what do you sirens do if he says that he is feeling disconnected from you because you are focusing on yourself and doing things that make you happy? (he doesn’t actually say those words, but he does say he feels disconnected because you have other priorities that seem more important than him)



  123.  #123FlowerChild77 on May 10, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    FW…Yes. Some years ago he’d gone to the doctor and had some tests (he figured he should, as he had insurance at the time.) It turned into more than he wanted to know.

    He had heart disease. After he found out, he took the meds for awhile (Lipitor and something else) until his insurance ran out. He refused to pay for them, so I did. But the scripts were only good for 6 months and he would NOT go see anyone so he could get them refilled. That was eight years ago.

    He was up every day ‘with the chickens’—very disciplined about his life and activities. He didn’t have high blood pressure or high cholesterol so he figured he was “fine.” You’d never have known to look at him–very nice body for a man his age who’d lived, for many years, a little on the wild side. Very thin, no gut—big strong arms….always busy…always working on something.

    I BEGGED him to go to a doctor, but it was like banging my head against a rock. He just kept telling me he had “a very strong constitution” and not to worry so much.

    I’m the first to admit—I was in denial, as well. He had a massive heart attack while we were on the phone, but I wasn’t sure what happened because we lost signal. I found him slumped over on the couch with the phone still open in his hand. Oh my god this makes me feel so sick inside…

    Any time I didn’t hear from him for awhile (which was very rare) I’d get scared. Sometimes I’d go drive by places I thought he’d be or knew he was going— just to make sure he was ok. I didn’t go in or stop–I just needed to know he was all right. (A phone call would have worked but I didn’t want him to know I was that worried about him.)

    Trying very hard not to blame myself…



  124.  #124Queenbee on May 10, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Good evening Sirens 🙂

    Love to all!

    xoxo



  125.  #125Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    fuuuuchk now im feelng doubtful and sad

    i dont want to feel this way

    FEELING MAD!!!



  126.  #126Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    im getting thoughts that im ‘stealing’ peoples emotions from them and expressing them and they dont get to

    ugh

    not true!

    im benefitting everyone by expressing

    even my Ex was benefitting me by expressing the emotions i didn’t

    I FEEL SO MAD!!!



  127.  #127Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    im not ‘stealing space’ im inspirign the freedom in others to take more space

    WHAK

    to my NVs

    i feel like im in a battle and theyre attackiing me in a circle fromt he air



  128.  #128Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Amy – just respond with how “you” feel hearing that

    I would feel bad

    “aww i feel sad hearing that babe”

    or even “aww that feels good to hear babe.. i feel good hearing you want to be with me” – thats what i say when guys say they miss me



  129.  #129Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Amy – DONT ‘solve’ his feelings for him

    him saying htat is fem energy

    you have to OUTGIRL him by responding ONLY with your own feelings and fem energy

    it usually allows it to heal for him right away and he’ll get right back in male energy



  130.  #130Sarah on May 10, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    Everytime I meet someone I like I feel so stressed and scared.

    I can ‘t speak to them. I can’t be myself around them. I start acting like a crazy person. Or I *feel* I am actimg like a crazy person.

    And when I am in thr throes of this infatuation I feel sleepy and drained. All I want to do is sleep. I lose my spark. I lose my drive. I lose all sense of rationale.

    I lose my CONFIDENCE.

    I am WOMAN hear me whimper..

    How can a man make me feel like this?

    Why do I feel like this?

    Terrified and scared. Terrified and scared.. Scared of everything and nothing.

    Why can’t I be a siren and embrave it?

    Why do I feel so pathetic?



  131.  #131Queenbee on May 10, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    HAMan wants to talk to me tomorrow. I’m feeling so stressed and nervous. Fear of intimacy 🙁

    I haven’t even done any of my beautification. Gonna wake up early and do it…

    I’ll listen at level 2

    At first I was feeling excited, then as it got closer, I now just feel sick and like burying my head in the sand, hiding, throwing up… just anything but to be there.

    I wanna heal this.

    I really want to have this experience and be a siren about it.

    Here’s needing love and courage

    Oh Queenbee! I love you! You are the best! Thank you for all the work you’ve been doing and for taking care of yourself so well. You can do this now, just babystep.

    ((((((Queenbee))))))



  132.  #132Dominique on May 10, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Iamabutterfly – #63 – But not everyone gets married for love. There are many unhealthy reasons someone would marry.

    So I didn’t divorce because there were some bad feeling times. I divorced because it was not a good relationship to begin with. I left because when I finally woke up and then took much time to summon the courage to leave, I did so to take are of me, so that I could open myself up and make space for real love to come in.

    K and I were reunited on a blind date two weeks later. We had known each other ten years prior, but our match maker had no idea.

    xxoo



  133.  #133Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    im feeling really bad about myself and about expressing these strong emotions

    im getting images that im being seen as a very attention seeking, overbearing, inconsiderate person and people are looking at me judging shaking their heads like wow how can she do that… how can she really be THAT egotistical and put herself first EVEN when someone has died will she never stop???

    people like that are awful oh man

    this feels so terrible

    i want to feel loved and honored and appreicated and safe adn

    to feel safe expressing myelf

    to feel encouraged and supported and honored and appreciated for expressing myself

    i want to know that if i express myself at anytime, a wedding birthday or funeral, it is ok

    that im not “too much” if i look better than the bride, or have a prettier dress than the birthday girl, or

    if somones man is attracted to me

    i feel sooo panicked and i REFUSE to be in my body right now

    i want to heal this



  134.  #134Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    (((((Queenbee)))))



  135.  #135Daria on May 10, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Daria I love listening to you

    I really appreciate what you write

    you are so considerate, and gentle, and know just what to say to support some one

    you are brave and give voice to express that which is stuffed for me and inspire me to be brave and expressed my own stuffed emotions

    you are generous and loving

    soooo loving

    oh wow

    you are safe to express yourself to me anytime girl

    yiou are always intrinsically appropriate, because the world is aobut you

    and i like it that way

    i give you permission to always express yourself

    to never mind the ‘rules’

    and just be you fully

    that feels so good when you do that

    thank you for creating a healthier world for me



  136.  #136Sarah on May 10, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Maybe I should try and embrace my painful emotions.

    Accept I am not comfortable being a siren.

    How can it work for me?

    I know I cannot fully embrave it. It doesn’t feel like me.

    BE my authentic self? But what if she is a non-siren??

    What if I am a non-siren?

    Scary…



  137.  #137Queenbee on May 10, 2012 at 4:48 pm

    Wow Daria, I love your tweak of Brandylion’s profile. Good one 🙂

    xoxo



  138.  #138Queenbee on May 10, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Thank you Daria for the hugs. That feels good. I’m beginning to feel some warmth and relaxation.

    (((Daria))))



  139.  #139Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Daria,

    That’s not what i meant. The selfish sisters FC encountered is what i meant…not caring about people.

    You are not like that at all. You’re a gem!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  140.  #140Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Radlove – thanks! that saying just feels bad to me… i feel shaming from it and i feel angry



  141.  #141Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    Daria – 113



  142.  #142Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    i dont even want to talk bad or blame those women either

    i can imagine in my family getting all posessive over family stuff and shutting down and getting all fast to take control over the situation so someone else (a gf or spouse) wont get ‘the family share’

    ‘its very common for outside people to take advantage of these situations and we dont want the family to suffer.’ i can hear a voice like my moms saying that

    that defensive thinking it turn, shuts down that person so they wind up being closed off and coming into the situation with a closed heart themselves



  143.  #143Sarah on May 10, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    I feel like a doormat.

    When I’m with a guy I like, I act like a doormat.

    I just smile and say yes to please him because I hate confrontation.

    I’ve had confrontations so many times in the past and its worse than being a doormat.

    How do I change? I know in theory how to change. But it feels like learning to drive a car – it sounds easy but it isn’t.

    Basically, if I don’t like a man he will be all over me. Then the minute I open my heart to him I can’t see him for dust. What am I doing wrong?

    What am I doing wrong??



  144.  #144Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Thanks Queenbee



  145.  #145Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    im feeling upset!

    this guy is all assuming stuff about me and saying mean stuff on text and im feeling angry and upset and sad

    and i also feel pulled to continue talking,

    i dont want to not answer and continue feeling this upset way

    ok i can just assume it will morph and pass and even bring healing!



  146.  #146Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    maybe it was that i sain “im not interested anymore”

    and maybe it was somewhat judging in my head

    that someone who attacks out of insecurity early on wont make a good partner

    even though i Dont want that

    and also, i feel confused

    is it judging to think that

    hmmm

    i mean we all get triggered

    hmmm

    ((((Daria))))

    its ok

    feeling my way thru



  147.  #147Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    {{{Daria}}},

    130 – “i want to know that if i express myself at anytime, a wedding birthday or funeral, it is ok

    that im not “too much” if i look better than the bride, or have a prettier dress than the birthday girl”

    You rock, beautiful Siren woman! I want you to know that if you express yourself at anytime, a wedding birthday or funeral, it is ok…that you’re not “too much” if you look better than the bride, or have a prettier dress than the birthday girl!

    Matter of fact, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
    Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
    It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
    – Marianne Williamson

    What you said to Ravenquille blew me away! I felt so amazed! You sound strong and compassionate and wise!

    You just keep right on shining, Beautiful!



  148.  #148Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Daria,

    132 – Daria I love listening to you

    I really appreciate what you write

    you are so considerate, and gentle, and know just what to say to support some one

    you are brave and give voice to express that which is stuffed for me and inspire me to be brave and expressed my own stuffed emotions

    you are generous and loving

    soooo loving

    oh wow

    you are safe to express yourself to me anytime girl

    you are always intrinsically appropriate, because the world is about you

    and i like it that way

    i give you permission to always express yourself

    to never mind the ‘rules’

    and just be you fully

    that feels so good when you do that

    thank you for creating a healthier world for me



  149.  #149Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Thanks Radlove!



  150.  #150lo.afia on May 10, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    i need help by dating and having a relationship but ..
    your programs are verrrry expensive for me 🙁
    please give some more options like giving out just a pdf for a lower price , instead of all the pdf and cd and dvd’s together …
    so i can use these awesome programs , please …



  151.  #151Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    omg Radlove that feels amazing to read that from you to me!

    wow ! i feel sooo like safe and loved

    it feels different than reading it from myself

    thank you!!



  152.  #152FlowerChild77 on May 10, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    >>>”Her self centeredness and materialism left me feeling twice as grieved about his passing. It should have been a time when his loved ones gathered together and comforted each other.”<<<

    Yes. We could have gotten to know each other and gone through this together. It would have helped me SO much to not be shut out like this. There is no reason, legal, or otherwise for them to have done this.

    I feel cheated out of moving through this in a more organic way—being able to grieve there—where we were together…being able to say good-bye to our life there and all the dreams…to feel a little closer to him for just a bit longer….



  153.  #153Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 5:31 pm

    Radlove,

    I feel your pain about R. I know he was drawing you in, talking intimately with you deep into the night, night after night, for hours. You felt heard, as you felt never as thoroughly by any other person. You felt loved through the time and attention and understanding he gave you, all those long nights you cherished.

    It is understandable how you felt blind sided and slammed when out of the blue, once again, he was saying he didn’t care about you and was ending the friendship. You knew he didn’t really mean it, because he never meant it before. He always came back.

    It is understandable that you felt deep confusion. All you knew for sure was that you loved him, and you had FELT loved in returned. Your love to him was received in all those silent hours that you didn’t air on the blog.

    So I guess it’s also understandable that the Sirens care, but they can’t understand fully, because they didn’t hear all the texts when things were good between you and R. You only started to air it when things got bad…again.

    Maybe no one will ever fully know but God, R, and you. And that’s ok. But now it is time to gently let R go, and to trust him to God. You have done all you can do, like a loved one dying of a disease. Only God has the power to save him now.

    It is ok to hurt, and it is ok to want attention. You don’t need to feel ashamed to want attention. Wanting love, affection, and attention is a basic human need. And you were deprived of that much of your life. If someone else was taught that it was shameful to desire attention, that doesn’t mean you have to receive that shame. Maybe everyone on this blog needs and desires and deserves attention.

    Maybe there is nothing wrong at all with calling at the top of your lungs, “I WANT ATTENTION! I NEED ATTENTION!”

    I love you! Me



  154.  #154Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    THE ANSWER IS YES!

    Ask a question, any question….

    Y E S !!!



  155.  #155Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    {{{Daria}}},

    You’re welcome! I love you!



  156.  #156Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:35 pm

    i just explained al this to a guy – noticint pattern of getting pulled in!

    and also finished w a fm and now he responded positively wow



  157.  #157Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:37 pm

    ((((Radlove))))



  158.  #158Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    wow now hes apologizing!

    guess i can FM without even meaning to!



  159.  #159Starla on May 10, 2012 at 5:43 pm

    My best friend started really just screaming at me and cussing at me and asking me what the f*ck my f*cking problem was, and putting words in my mouth. I said “i feel upset right now,” and she’s like “ohhh so you’re the f*ckin victim now? you want me to apologize? i don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

    and i told her i couldn’t talk to her if she was going to put words in my mouth.

    so she called me dramatic and crazy (in text)

    so i got off the train and called her so we could actually speak to each other privately. i wasn’t scared at all to talk to her on the phone because she’s been my best friend since we were 9 years old and i just love her even if we’re fighting. but when she answered the phone she just screamed and screamed and screamed at me and hung up on me.

    So i texted her cuz she kept hanging up on me when I called, and I said “we don’t ever treat each other like that, so is something else wrong that has you feeling crazed? Are you going to be okay?”

    She said it was just me…that I p*ssed her off

    I said “ok just wanted to check cuz we don’t ever treat each other like how u were screaming and cussing. I’ll talk to u later. Love you bye.”

    Then she sent several texts about how i frustrated her and brought this on myself.

    So I said, “Yeah I can tell ur frustrated. I’m frustrated too. But I’m not screaming and cussing….that’s just degrading and we don’t treat each other like that.”

    She said “okay yeah whatever goodnight.”

    So I said “I hope you feel better and we can talk about this civilized soon, even if we don’t like what the other has to say. We have to respect each other more than that.

    And that was that.

    I don’t know if I handled this the best, but I do feel very proud of not yelling or cussing or name calling. I could have gotten swept up into it. It’s definitely in my nature.

    Now she’s calling repeatedly and demanding in text that I answer my phone, but I don’t want to be screamed at any more. It would be one thing if she screamed her words and then let me respond… but she is screaming and not letting me speak and then hanging up when she’s done talking.

    Sigh.

    I love my best friend.

    And I have cried a lot over this today

    ((((((((((((me)))))))))))))))
    (((((((((((my best friend)))))))))))))



  160.  #160Starla on May 10, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    now she is calling and texting me non stop about how if i won’t answer my phone then she’s gonna think this and that about our friendship.

    ohhh, girl. calm down. take a breather.

    now she’s texting saying to answer the phone cuz she won’t scream or cuss at me.
    ……………..

    now she’s texting saying not to call her until i’m ready to drop it and apologize.

    this is crazy-making.



  161.  #161Starla on May 10, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    now she is cussing at me..



  162.  #162Daria on May 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    ((((Starla))))



  163.  #163Starla on May 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm

    i dont’ think she realizes how scary it is to me that she is kinda dangling a threat of ending our friendship unless i meet her demands.

    she’s like my whole support system. she is the reason i know in my heart that just because my parents abandoned me and no guy ever stays with me, that doesn’t mean people just always disappear on a crazy whim.

    i hope she’s not serious:(



  164.  #164FlowerChild77 on May 10, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    (((((Starla))))) I think you handled that perfectly. I’m so sorry you’re feeling sad tonight.



  165.  #165Starla on May 10, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    Part of me wants to call and just ‘look past’ how she’s acting so i don’t risk losing my closest friend.

    But I know that this screaming and cussing is not okay for either of us, whether receiving or giving it. And we can talk tomorrow when things have calmed down.

    Or maybe she’ll just flip and leave forever like CF did:(

    oh no:(



  166.  #166Starla on May 10, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    i love me
    i love my tears



  167.  #167Daria on May 10, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    🙁 Starla you will be ok no matter what. YOU are your support system. You got this.

    Watching here… I went through something like this with my best friend and I want to heal that



  168.  #168Starla on May 10, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    i feel sorry for myself. she is my only real family.

    i feel like a victim. i feel like everyone leaves me. And the only alternative to feeling victimized seems to be believing that i CAUSE everyone to leave me.

    and that can’t possibly be right.
    or am i just blind and i’m that horrible that not even my own parents could stand me?

    hmmm i’m not sure this line of thinking is actually even at all useful or healthy.

    I guess I’ll just sit here and cry and not worry about the future or the past.



  169.  #169Starla on May 10, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    I am tired of being a brave little soldier. I miss when CF would come around and I could just let go and not have to be the brave one.

    I feel unloved/unloveable right now

    and i’m going to be okay.



  170.  #170Daria on May 10, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    ((((((Starla))))))



  171.  #171Daria on May 10, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    omg one of my friends (girl) just invited me to see a jazz band tonite and shes gonna pick me up in an hour yayy!

    i feel surprised and excited



  172.  #172Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    {{{Starla}}},

    153 – Wow, that hurt! And wow, you handled it like a Siren all the way! Ouch…



  173.  #173Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Starla,

    154- You made a number of attempts to have a mature, respectful conversation. If it were me, I’d turn off my phone and walk away for a few hours…and recommend Rori’s blog when you are ready to talk to her again, LOL!

    You sure don’t need that.



  174.  #174ReceivingGirl on May 10, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    (((Starla)))



  175.  #175Starla on May 10, 2012 at 6:41 pm

    i am seeing my friend’s holding pattern and noticing how i used this same pattern against CF. And i am actually realizing i learned this from her. She’s never been like this with me but I have seen her like this with her boyfriends/current husband. I am not saying this to comment on her behavior or show her to be wrong!! Just noticing that I actually emulated her all this time cuz she was the first to have serious boyfriends and she’s been married 1x before, and I often just referenced how SHE acts when I felt angry and powerless with my men. She is very cute and guys love her, and I think the world of her, so I just figured her way was effective and cool.

    But now I’ve experienced it from the source of where I learned it. And I can see how it can threaten to throw water even on flames of love that have been burning consistently since I was 9 years old.

    For someone who’s not used to being treated aggressively like that, it can feel very very very overwhelming and even like a deal-breaker at the time.

    I never screamed at CF but I definitely got aggressive a couple of times. Things like twisting his words to ‘prove’ he was trying to be a d*ck and that he wasn’t innocent.

    Crazy-making.

    Thank you, best friend, for bringing me this scenario. It is exactly what I needed to process and move away from some old patterns I hadn’t felt compelled enough yet to move away from. I honestly felt like, “well yeah i have a temper sometimes and i try to control it but if i lose it you should love me anyway”

    and yes hopefully people will still love me if i lose my temper (they have)

    but it can certainly be very degrading and abusive to the other person to act very aggressively like that, depending on how their personality type receives that sort of treatment.

    ohhhh i am feeling so much better. like i have been given a gift. I feel very inspired to move away from this sort of aggressive conflict response.



  176.  #176Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Starla,

    159 – Maybe later, when she’s calmed down, you could lovingly send her this thread’s article. It’s not good to test a long term friendship to its limits. She’s abusing you.



  177.  #177Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Starla,

    162 – The women on the blog are your family. You are loved, seen, heard, known, and accepted here. We may be long distance, but we are real people. We care. I care.



  178.  #178Starla on May 10, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    thanks, ladies, i feel soooo glad i have this blog to vent on tonight. (((((((((((blog))))))))))))))))



  179.  #179Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    Starla,

    I love listening to you

    I really appreciate what you write

    you are so considerate, and gentle, and know just what to say to support some one

    you are brave and give voice to express that which is stuffed for me and inspire me to be brave and expressed my own stuffed emotions

    you are generous and loving

    soooo loving

    oh wow

    you are safe to express yourself to me anytime girl

    you are always intrinsically appropriate, because the world is about you

    and i like it that way

    i give you permission to always express yourself

    to never mind the ‘rules’

    and just be you fully

    that feels so good when you do that

    thank you for creating a healthier world for me



  180.  #180Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Starla,

    169 – Wow. Amazing processing!



  181.  #181Brandylion on May 10, 2012 at 7:05 pm

    I feel thankful to you all for your help with my profile, and especially to Daria. I’ll make the changes in the next couple of days and keep you all posted on the outcome!



  182.  #182Starla on May 10, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    okay, i texted her and i said
    “i agree it would be really nice to just drop it, but we both got pretty upset so it’d probably be better to talk to each other when we are both very calm about what went down. we are best friends, we can talk about anything. I hope that’s okay.”

    i remember in the end of days with CF that he wanted to talk and find understanding, and i just wanted him to comply with my feelings and needs. I felt like he was a bad boyfriend for not wanting to just drop things and go back to being boyfriendly.

    now i’m receiving that lovely treatment.

    ohhhh lol. thank you, universe.



  183.  #183Starla on May 10, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    I feel really glad for this opportunity. I have been using the walk away without much explanation (or with BLAMEY explanation) for far too long as game playing and psychological warfare.

    So this way, I have been able to keep contact/the relationship alive, but safely step to the sidelines so I can rest and jump back in. This way I’m not running from the stadium and hiding in the parking lot until it’s “safe” in the stadium (something I can’t determine if I’m hiding in the parking lot, anyway), but instead resting up on the sidelines so I can jump back in the second the trainer okays me.

    Weird analogy but it works for me.

    Okay, Starla… you’re moving toward where you intend to be now:) Very powerful, girl:)

    I can stand up for myself without closing off to the other person or lambasting them. And just as importantly, I can do it in a few sentences.:D wowoohowowowhoooooo



  184.  #184LoveAlways on May 10, 2012 at 7:50 pm

    I feel amber
    I feel soft
    I feel sexy and feminine
    I looked at my arms and my hands as I lay there and realized that I am indeed a very beautiful woman
    I am sexy
    I am soft and feminine
    and I glow like amber

    CD Song and I connected. I mean like I’ve never connected with him before. I don’t think I’ve connected with any man like that before. Nothing like how I thought it was supposed to be – yet it was serene. I can’t describe the feeling of closeness. Like being wrapped up in warm blankets. It was quiet and the only sound that mattered was his voice, and all I could feel was his skin under the smoothness of my hand.

    And now I can’t think! No thoughts, just soft and smooth. No memory of anyone else or any other time prior to now.

    What kind of zone is this siren – I think I like this feeling



  185.  #185Starla on May 10, 2012 at 7:56 pm

    CF did mention that when I behave in that aggressive way it really really pushes him away. Now I can understand how his heart detached from mine because I can feel that after my friend behaved that way towards me. All this time, I felt like he was CHOOSING to push himself away, and it just made me angrier and angrier at him for not moving towards me, which made it all worse.

    He did explain this very very poorly in his letter to me. Now I can see what he was saying, but it wasn’t readily apparent from outside the view of his tunnel.

    It feels very very liberating to finally start to have answers about wtf he was talking about/thinking that could possibly make him stop loving me enough to leave… because that doesn’t happen overnight. It is a build up of a particular thing, and I have been guessing for weeks what the heck that thing was.

    Now I get it. I get “the feeling” after tonight with my friend. I will of course move right on past this and never bring it up again once we put it to rest, and love her all the same. But I can see how a build up of this feeling of being disregarded, even though you KNOW they care about you, could push you really far away without wanting to choose that. And then you just get tired of it and finally consciously choose to more permanently move away from it.



  186.  #186Starla on May 10, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    thanks for the space to process.



  187.  #187Starla on May 10, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Poor CF. (((((((((CF))))))))))))
    He had hoped beyond hope I would be the one to finally “get” him. I’m sure he thought if anyone could do it, I could.

    And there was so much about himself that he still needed to “get,” so it is actually truly impossible for any woman to “get” him either.

    And there was so much about him that I could have “gotten” if I had listened to his whole being at level 2, instead of being endlessly distracted by the terrifying thought that he might not love me as much as I love and want him.

    Listening at level 2 is a good tool I am going to really focus on for a while. It will probably also help my bad habit of interrupting people.



  188.  #188Starla on May 10, 2012 at 8:10 pm

    Poor Starla ((((((((((Starla))))))))))))))

    Poor broken up couple

    Ohhh I want to hug all the broken couples in the world who hoped beyond hope together but then their issues got in the way….



  189.  #189Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Starla hoponono on yourself



  190.  #190LoveAlways on May 10, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    (((((Starla))))

    You are doing so well. Your riffing is powerful girl!



  191.  #191Femininewoman on May 10, 2012 at 8:30 pm

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    Embrace the F-Word – Forgiveness – So You Can Build the Bedrock of Your Own Spiritual Path!

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  192.  #192Starla on May 10, 2012 at 8:35 pm

    Hehehehehe I feel so happy and blessed. My grandpa posted a video of him and my grandma on my facebook wall, and I do have them, and they would never let me perish. I don’t go to them for anything because I do not want to take from them, but I need to start remembering that I have my own people, even if it’s just a small piece of the picture of what I would hope for in feeling supported by a family.

    I’m reminding myself that my grandpa showed up with something to make me feel not alone in the world once i felt peaceful and stopped worrying about it. So many times the universe delivers exactly what I want once I stop worrying it’ll never show up. It usually happens very quickly.



  193.  #193Starla on May 10, 2012 at 8:36 pm

    Also, lol@my grandma swearing obscenely in spanish at the beginning of the video.



  194.  #194Starla on May 10, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    FW, thank you I will right now



  195.  #195Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 8:41 pm

    I’m really thinking deeply about this “wanting attention” thing.

    I wonder how many Sirens are feeling triggered by me saying I want attention?

    I wonder how many Sirens were told it was bad to want attention in childhood? I know I was.

    When I talk about R, it is NOT attention seeking behavior. It is, rather, confiding about things that are very deep and private to me that are often an expression of my “stranger” inside, about which Rori talks.

    But in general, yes, I like attention. I wonder if each of us could get past her judgments surrounding asking for attention if she would find that she wants attention, too.

    I could get attention in many ways. I could choose to get attention in the real world, where people with scary eyes and snapping tempers are in the same room with me. I find the real world people far scarier. Eyes are often angry, and tongues often seem forked, and teeth often seem pointed.

    I hide in the blog. I place a permanent record in black and white, able to be seen by every human being in the world, as a means of hiding from real world people. I feel scared in the world of people, and I want to hide.

    Even tho this blog is worldwide public, it feels safer than being in a room with people. I feel my chest get tight and feel the urge to hold my breath when I think about being in a room full of people. Rooms full of people give me the message that I’m bad, bad bad! People convince me that no matter what I do or say, I’m not good enough.

    If anything goes wrong, it’s my fault. Everyone wants to place blame. Bad, bad, wrong, wrong, no, no! Why did you do that? You shouldn’t have done that!

    I cringe, swallow, apologize, and slink silently away to hide. No one can find me in the woods or fields. When I reappear, I apologize. If I apologize, I feel a phony form of acceptance once again until something else goes wrong.

    Then, no matter what goes wrong, it’s my fault. Somehow I should have known, even tho I was just a child. Bad! Bad! Oh, I must be a horrible person! I must be so stupid!

    Sick mentality.

    This is well on its way toward being healed, even tho it keeps popping up in my subconscious.

    It’s not your fault.
    It’s not your fault.
    It’s not your fault.
    It’s not your fault.

    When Robin Williams said that in that movie, I started crying convulsively.

    When I played volleyball and kept messing up, the best player on the team repeatedly tapped me on the shoulder, saying, “It’s okay! It’s okay!” with a smile. No angry eyes. No yelling. No blaming.

    I went home and cried. It felt so healing to feel acceptance.



  196.  #196Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Starla,

    186 – In reference to your grandparents, there is nothing wrong with letting a need be known. There is nothing wrong with needing to feel surrounded and uplifted by family.

    This fierce push to being independent is not healing.

    I feel humble and vulnerable when I say that scary word, “Help”. But at the lowest moments of my life, I knew I wouldn’t survive without help. I forced myself to say help. It is still hard.

    I would far rather give than receive. But when I receive help, I feel so grateful to those who care and give compassion.



  197.  #197siren song on May 10, 2012 at 8:50 pm

    hmmm…interesting day…

    i leaned forward to guy who loves me to get the last of my things from his place…i went to his office. i felt okay about it. i wasn’t going there to ‘get him’, so it felt fine.

    i used it as practice…we had a great conversation. i used lots of feeling messages, listening at level two, eye contact. we hugged when i went to leave and he wouldn’t let me go. then after i left he texted me that he wanted sleep with me. i just said that would feel good and left it at that…

    i went to a new cute bar with my friend and enjoyed the night and now i’m chatting with guys.



  198.  #198Angela on May 10, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    I’ve been learning for the last few months change does come within the woman. I realize that whatever I do in my LDR he responds to it and the energy can be negative or it can be positive.
    I’m still realizing how much power I actually have. I can make or break any relationship.
    This is an aha moment for me. I’ve always heard of the woman setting the tone but after the feeling messages with my Ld guy the other day. I see things a little differently.



  199.  #199Starla on May 10, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    guys dumping me electronically/”cowardly” and then poofing became my story! for three “more serious” guys now it’s happened basically the same way!

    I have been so afraid of that abandonment and uncertainty that i keep drawing it straight to me! I’ve been afraid of it ever since my mother “poofed” on me when I was a teenager and it is my story. I am a very powerful manifester and of course I draw my beliefstory toward me.

    But I don’t have to be afraid. Because even though “it” happened again, I’m not actually abandoned or uncertain. I just needed to learn how to feel that on my own without anyone else providing me a reference point to prove it.

    (((((((((((((Starla))))))))))))))))
    (((((((((((my endless processing tonight)))))))))))))



  200.  #200siren song on May 10, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    i have a date for sunday!



  201.  #201arrowofthyme on May 10, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    holy crap. this is an amazing entry.

    “a longer journey of spiritually changing the meaning you give things and the reactions you have to things, and the way you choose to be in any given moment.”

    my therapist told me that the wounded man i had just dated would probably one day find another wounded woman (like myself) that he felt understood with, but that she would need to be gentle with him. and that when a man was neglectful or withholding with me, i would tend to shut down and be angry about it.

    changing the meaning of things is my next step. the first steps, which actually helped me create a committed relationship with this guy, were to feel my feelings and not always act on them in the old way. but its such a challenge still.

    the relationship ended and it looked like a blog entry from this site: he worked more, had sex less, and although every friend of mine writes it off saying “hes a douchey. move on.” a part of me knows thats not the whole story. and that i definitely did this: “She started to lose her confidence, her serenity, her comfort in her own self – and instead she gave into her insecurities and started leaning on old habits.”

    it’s uncanny to see how both behaviors affect a man, the good and the bad. its as if they’re reading a script from this site. when really, i should have been. 🙂



  202.  #202Starla on May 10, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    i confirmed a date with another guy=/. I’ve been blowing him off to the point of poor manners, and i recently told him I would definitely hang out with him within the week. So just as I declare I don’t want to date, I have to first go out with these guys, and maybe learn how to be totally honest that i’m not going to be budging from focusing on myself for any man for a while.

    In other news, Alaska is saying silly things like stick with me and i’ll take you to Jamaica, or joking he’ll buy me a car if I make him like me enough.

    This appeals to the security side of me a lot, but it also yucks me out.

    Hmm maybe I should just see it as a man who is trying to show what he has to offer so the human female can hurry up and choose him.

    Awww, cute.



  203.  #203Starla on May 10, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    arrowofthyme, 195, that hit very close to home, thank you sooo much for sharing.



  204.  #204R.N.AmazingMe on May 10, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    I feel withdrawn, frozen here vulnerable and just want to hide. I miss your touch and the way you made me feel so safe. I no longer feel safe, kind of alone. I am putting myself out here on the blog for judgements. I want to cry, I am not strong today, i have held my tears back for too long but all i can do is stare into space. no more tears left to give, feeling numb in my so called life. i need to heal for my children. everyone has moments…low moments. i have been holding up but everyone needs time to just be in the funk and be loved and held once in awhile. I just want to be held and told it will be ok your safe….



  205.  #205arrowofthyme on May 10, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    re: 197 aw thanks, starla. he’s dating a lot now ( we broke it off very recently) and im having trouble not feeling weirdly devastated. i can feel myself getting angry (of course. ugh) and that one line about changing the meaning and practicing choosing who i want to be was big.

    i can do that now. single. with this moment. when really i want to scream. maybe i’ll do both.



  206.  #206Starla on May 10, 2012 at 9:41 pm

    ((((((((((((((((RN Amazing))))))))))))))))))))))))



  207.  #207Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 9:49 pm

    {{{AmazingMe}}},

    It will be okay. It’s okay to drop your sword and cry for just a while. Hugs to you!



  208.  #208Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    I am.



  209.  #209Starla on May 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm

    goodnight <3



  210.  #210Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    Don’t ruffle any feathers!
    What will people say?!
    What will people think?!
    Don’t say that!
    Why did you say that?!
    You shouldn’t have said that!
    What’s wrong with you?!

    this self talk is getting pretty old screaming in my head.

    I’m experimenting with triggering people, so I don’t shrink into myself and “behave” by doing what people expect of me.

    And Daria is my hero, my inspiration…letting that stranger out.

    Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!!!! That wasn’t nice!
    You should apologize!
    No one’s going to like you!
    You don’t talk about stuff like that in front of people!

    Stop! That isn’t nice!
    People don’t act like that.
    Well, if you lose all your friends, you’ll know why.

    Inhibition sucks.



  211.  #211Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 10:06 pm

    It isn’t socially acceptable to say I love you.

    Is it disconcerting? Is it triggering?

    I love you I love you I love you I love you!

    It isn’t socially acceptable to cry in public.

    It isn’t socially acceptable to yell and swear.

    It isn’t socially acceptable to be socially unacceptable.

    That’s unacceptable.



  212.  #212Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 10:12 pm

    I had a phone interview for a tech writer position today. The interview went well, but they are offering far less than tech writers are usually paid. I got some very real world experience in being confident and bold, woman!! I told them I wouldn’t work for less than $15,000 MORE a year than what they were offering!

    She said to me in a snobby way “Then why did you apply, if you knew that’s what we were offering?”

    Everything in me wanted to go belly up and do the people pleasing thing. But instead I stood my ground. I said it’s true that you get what you pay for. If you want a hard worker who will give 110% and do top notch work, you won’t get one for what you are offering.

    Wow! Pattin myself on the back for how confidently I handled it!

    Hahaha!



  213.  #213Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 10:16 pm

    Horrors! You put it in writing that you want attention???

    You will be ostracized! You will be ignored! You SHOULD be ignored! That isn’t what you say!

    Oh you horrible person! God forbid that you be real! Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad!

    Awww, Radlove, you are so cute!



  214.  #214Radlove on May 10, 2012 at 10:17 pm

    I’m laffing cuz I feel em-bare-a$$ed! LOL!

    Good night!



  215.  #215Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    #61 Starbright

    Thank you, not sure if I am brave enough now though!! Pre RR I would have done but sometimes knowing all this post RR stuff makes me confused and dithery lol!!



  216.  #216Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    #64/65 April Rose

    That is so cute reading about your tingly emotions. 😀



  217.  #217Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    #81 Daria

    I REALLY hear you about this and this is maybe why I have this sinking gut feeling about contacting men I am attracted to first………..PAST PATTERNS, you are right, I no longer want those “type” of men again………



  218.  #218Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    #104 Flower Goddess

    It’s good to hear you taking care of yourself. Can I ask how old he was?



  219.  #219Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    #159 {{{ Starla }}}

    I think your friends pregnancy hormones are driving her a little crazy, you may get crazy one day too when you are pregnant, hormones can do funny things to us.



  220.  #220Starla on May 10, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    arrowofthyme, i was just lying in bed, and i thought of something that feels really really important now that i’ve thought of it — that these guys manifested the unfortunate relationship dynamic, too. yeah, we did this or that or let this or that issue get in the way, but these guys were there the whole time, manifesting this dynamic.

    It is very important to recognize that gentleness would have worked better to connect to our men’s hearts, but we manifested our fears and it felt like we couldn’t be gentle. It’s also important to recognize that he was a creator and manifester in the relationship, and he played a big part in creating the dynamic. even if he SAYS he wants x or y, deep down his core beliefs are running the show and drawing insecurity-inspired behaviors to him. he is manifesting that it is impossible for anyone to connect with him, because that is his core belief. You weren’t JUST some insecure girl who let it get the best of her and wasn’t sweet enough. You were a player in a dynamic, with no single player’s role being any less “f*cked up” than the other’s. It may help us both to start looking at our shortcomings as part of a larger relationship DYNAMIC and not beating ourselves up.

    i hope this makes sense.

    love and forgiveness to both of us.



  221.  #221Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    #178 LoveAlways

    I can feel your soft feminity in your words, oh I long to feel like you Siren, all loved up and wrapped in warm blankets skin on warm skin.



  222.  #222Starla on May 10, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    (((((((((((((universe))))))))))))))))))))



  223.  #223Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 11:20 pm

    #206 Radlove

    It feels refreshing to hear you value your own career worth with this job lady, it also feels great to hear you moving up the emotional vibrational scale with your self worth. I don’t think you would ever listen to Abraham stuff, but you may get something from this:

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Abraham-Hicks has come up with a series of emotions that will help you work from feeling bad to feeling better about what ever you are experiencing. If you find where you are emotionally on the scale, and then try and find thoughts that feel just a tad bit better about it. Small baby steps toward Joy.

    This is the scale:

    The Emotional Guidance Scale

    1. Joy/Appreciation/Empowered/Freedom/Love

    2. Passion

    3. Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness

    4. Positive Expectation/Belief

    5. Optimism

    6. Hopefulness

    7. Contentment

    8. Boredom

    9. Pessimism

    10. Frustration/Irritation/Impatience

    11. Overwhelment

    12. Disappointment

    13. Doubt

    14. Worry

    15.Blame

    16. Discouragement

    17. Anger

    18. Revenge

    19. Hatred/Rage

    20. Jealousy

    21. Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness

    22. Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

    From the book “Ask and It is Given”, pg. 114



  224.  #224Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    Oh and Radlove I love that your riffing is all about YOU. 🙂



  225.  #225Tiffany on May 10, 2012 at 11:26 pm

    This was a really amazing article – I don’t think I’ve every read about the arguing dynamic in relationship written in this way before! Wow! It’s really opened my eyes to 1) how immature and irresponsible my parents’ relationship was (i.e. the one I had to watch, 24/7 growing up, which basically trained me *how* to be in a relationship), and 2) How to turn it around.

    I actually think that this writing has “connected the dots” somewhat – or actually, in fact – between what goes on when we are arguing, and what happens when we are confident and NON-combative, and that FEELING MESSAGES are the magic string that causes it to shift from one to the other. Wow…just wow. Thank you, Rori, for explaining it in this way!! I feel so much more empowered to make choices about how I think and act and speak – instead of always feeling that I am “at the mercy” of my triggers and how they “Make” me act in an intimate situation, which is always the worst. And I can see how I DO contribute to the defensiveness and the withdrawal. And how I wish the guys could always just “see through” my behaviors to who I really am – but they are not going to do that unless I TELL them who I am. (as in, communicate what is true about me. This is, of course, my biggest challenge, and this is where my work is…) I said it already, but Thank you, Rori! This article felt great to read!!



  226.  #226Tiffany on May 10, 2012 at 11:30 pm

    P.S. claiming full responsibility: the article also opened my eyes to how irresponsible and immature a lot of MY relationships have been. Maybe even most of them. HA! But, it’s like I said. I have felt “at the mercy” of my parents’ “programming.” But it doesn’t have to be this way!!!



  227.  #227Starbright on May 10, 2012 at 11:32 pm

    I know what you mean Silver Moonbeam about online dating. I rarely contract first. On pof there is a meet me feature where you look through profiles and say: yes, no or maybe. If you say yes the person gets an email that you want to meet them. That feels the easiest to do. Also I noticed that putting up a new good photo can really get more guys contactIng me. 🙂



  228.  #228Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 11:48 pm

    #221 Starbright

    You know I was only just thinking I should get some new photo’s and wondering if I should get my camera book out and read up on the self portrait settings. 🙂

    I have noticed too if I clear out the current shoal of fish and go offline for a few weeks when I get fed up of it, when I come back and reload my profile a whole new shoal swims in. 😀



  229.  #229Silver Moonbeam on May 10, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    The Four Agreements – Don Miguel Ruiz’s code for life

    agreement 1

    Be impeccable with your word – Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

    agreement 2

    Don’t take anything personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

    agreement 3

    Don’t make assumptions – Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

    agreement 4

    Always do your best – Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.



  230.  #230Tiffany on May 11, 2012 at 12:09 am

    Have not been on the blog much, and just checking in before I do to sleep…

    I’ve had what seems like a bazillion “aha” moments today, and in the last few days. They just keep piling on, and I always feel like I want to write them all down, but that would just take up too much space! lol

    I believe I sent V. packing today. (not to be confused with VM, btw – different guy!) I’m not really sure what I did. All I know is, we had a date set for this Friday. And it’s no mystery that this man does not want me for his wife. He doesn’t want *anyone* for his wife. And he doesn’t want kids. He is a successful man with a good personality, and he doesn’t need or want those things. However, I always get something out of it when I spend time with him. But obviously, I’m not getting any closer to a ring or a baby shower. Whatever. I still like the guy.

    So meanwhile, after he goes to all the trouble to set up the date with me – for a Friday, too, which I was feeling excited about. I was happy that he offered me his Friday night, because it’s the first time. He’s been taking me out on Sundays and Thursdays mostly, and I had been hoping for a weekend. Anyway, he sets it all up, and then yesterday, first thing in the morning, he cancelled!

    No explanation, just, he can’t do it. Later he said something about work being crazy. But I don’t buy it. Nobody’s work is so crazy that they would ditch their Friday night date – especially if it was as hot as I am!! lol

    I even jokingly said that I had no idea what could *possibly* be more interesting or important than me (and my birthday) on a Friday night.

    He didn’t respond to that…

    But that wasn’t fully genuine. I finally wrote out today how I was really feeling – which was that I was pretty displeased about our date being cancelled. I wrote that I did not like to be put off for any reason – it feels bad. And also that I only like to make time for men who really want to be there!

    I feel very strong about what I said. I am not afraid of hurting his feelings. And I’m not afraid of his response – or lack thereof.

    The fact is, I feel very non-attracted to him right now. His sexiness factor for me went from like a 10 to about a 2 when he told me he wasn’t going to show up. Because you know what they say, showing up is 90% of the work. Or 80%. Pick a big percentage point. Showing up counts for a lot. For anyone. And it counts for a lot for me. If he isn’t showing up for me, then I don’t want to waste my time. Excuse me, I don’t care how much money you earn, or how fit and cool you are, or how well you dress. All of that means nothing, if you are not showing up and giving me the attention that I need and deserve.

    But I am overall not sad about it. I had other stuff I wanted to do, and within a few minutes of getting his email, I had already written to a friend about making plans. So I am not feeling “left” or bored. In fact, now I feel neutral. Now I don’t have any feelings at all about it, because they’ve been processed. I really don’t care. He can be the sexiest man in the world. And I can reject him if he isn’t giving me the proper treatment. Because I need better than that!

    I can still be open. I can be friendly if he contacts me. but I don’t have to accept dates from him, if it’s not what I want.

    Thank you 🙂



  231.  #231Tiffany on May 11, 2012 at 12:26 am

    I love the four agreements! <3

    Also, I had another enlightening moment today, when I was thinking about my dad, and realizing that I have a HUGE block against telling any guy that I am upset or displeased about something, even in a genuine way. In fact, I don't think I HAVE a genuine way to do it in.

    And I think this is because my father makes himself immune to such comments. He simply refuses to take criticism, or to listen to my opinions. Plus, when I was a kid, his moods were VERY erratic. Some days he would be calm and placid, but when he got angry, he was like the Incredible Hulk. He would become this enormous, raging monster that would just as soon smash you as look at you – even if he had been your friend 5 minutes earlier. (That part of the movie was the scariest part for me. 🙁 )

    I can't criticize my dad because he is always right. And I can't have an opinion, because his is the only one that counts. Everything that is good gets filtered through him for approval. Everything that is "bad" according to him, is rejected out of hand. I almost don't know how to think….It can be hard to make decisions. I know I have good judgment, but I often find myself questioning or second-guessing my feelings, even when I know that I'm spot on.

    What this all translates into is a generalized fear of men and relationships. I am afraid of all men – who they are. Mysterious mood swings. Possible rejection. Mostly, I am afraid to let myself be myself, because "myself" never felt like "okay" when I was a kid. It was only okay so far as he stamped his approval on it. And same with my Mom.

    But I guess this is where my responsibility comes in. Because all I had to do was to ACCEPT those stamps of approval. I collected them, like stamps in a passport. Like i could just open up the book and say, "Hey, look, here I am!" But it doesn't work that way. A personality – a person – a soul – is not built up of a lifetime of approvals and permissions. I am more than the pages, and much more than the gold stars and commendations. Only I don't seem to know how much more. All I can see are the stamps now. They are the only things that feel real about me. Even though I know that they are not really about me.

    It was me who gave my parents the power to decide who I am. But that means it is also something I have the power to take BACK.

    OKay, I am so tired now. Once again, going to bed too late…it has been a long week!

    But I am feeling good. My energy is back up, and I think it's because I went to an extra dance class. So I feel happier now. And do you know what else? My happiness is my priority. Taking care of me is #1, and after that, comes everything else. My energy was low, and I took steps to correct it so that I could feel better. And you know what? That's great!!

    Okay, good night, y'all. xoxox! 🙂



  232.  #232Emerson on May 11, 2012 at 12:26 am

    I’ve really been struggling with/working on reducing my tendency to EXPLAIN (i.e., an obnoxious form of CONTROL).

    I feel frustrated with myself but also patient and loving and proud of me……

    Emerson you talk too much sometimes. Can’t you learn when to cut it off and shhh…..well yes actually, I am getting better!

    I’ve been feeling homesick for my hometown. Also, I’ve been neglecting myself as far as exercising and I keep having memories of exercising in my hometown LOL….

    There is a cute guy in one of my classess…I noticed him on the first day….and I can tell he likes me 🙂 sweet….and some weird (good) stuff happened that I’ll write about another time. It’s fun practicing sireny stuff with him. 😉



  233.  #233Emerson on May 11, 2012 at 12:28 am

    LOL I sound like I’m in middle school “there is a cute guy in oen of my classes”

    Aww Emerson you’re so funny!!

    O.M.G.!!!!!!! EmailCD is sooo annoooyyying!!! I swear I want to change my number. He keeps sending me randome texts, I write back and then he disappears for a few days till I get the next text!!! I don’t know why I even write back???????????



  234.  #234Emerson on May 11, 2012 at 12:30 am

    There are so many Sirens I want to send comments to…but a lil bit too tired tonight…
    (((sirens)))



  235.  #235Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:04 am

    ((((((Brenda)))))) this feels amazing to witness



  236.  #236Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:06 am

    (((((RN Amazing)))) It’s ok… you’re safe.

    🙂



  237.  #237Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:10 am

    Starla – help 🙁 i feel sad! crying! i want to reconnect w my best friend too….

    crying!



  238.  #238Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:11 am

    she yelled at me and i havent spoken to her since

    she called like 3 times after on the same day and left 2 messages but i erased them – i didnt want to hear abusive stuff

    me sad!@

    i ‘cut her off’ and i did this with my other best friend before too!

    help!



  239.  #239Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:14 am

    i dont want my sister and her babydaddy to be broken up

    i feel so sad that they are

    like the hope upon hope couples

    waaaaah

    soo sad



  240.  #240Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:15 am

    Help universe!



  241.  #241Silver Moonbeam on May 11, 2012 at 2:21 am

    #227 Emerson

    If he texts you after a few days do you text right away, or do you lean back for a while?

    I am not having much luck either with these so called CD’s I can’t even really call them DATES as they are soooo slow and it’s like they are a bunch of girls waiting for my boy to row their boat, but I have leant back from every single one of them, maybe they are that used to lean forward girls they think everybody is the same and don’t know how to behave when they encounter a Siren.

    Awwwww poor men. 😉



  242.  #242Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:24 am

    mm i feel good i cried and brushed my teeth and peed

    i realized today peeing is sacred for me

    pissing

    urinating is sacred

    like drinking

    its my blessing to Earth

    its AMAZING

    and deep

    ive always felt really drawn to it

    i LOVE how i find spirituality in my everyday things

    that makes me feel so infinitely wonderful

    even the smallest acts and the most mundane can have the deepest intentions and blessings

    in fact those are the ones that do!

    eating, drinking, pissing, pooping…

    breathing

    s e x

    period



  243.  #243Daria on May 11, 2012 at 2:32 am

    Yay Angela!



  244.  #244Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 3:09 am

    Moonbeam,

    217-218 – Thanks! Interesting about Abraham! Most of my riffing was about me…a lil was about the Ry Guy!



  245.  #245Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 3:36 am

    God give me the strength to deal with another rejection. I feel I am in do much pain. It feels so real. I feel like I can’t go on. Being in love with the wrong person is a painful experience but I feel i cannot help my feelings. How can I let him go. It is so difficult…



  246.  #246Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 4:32 am

    I need to love my stress..

    Ahh it’s so difficult….

    My heart is aching. My pain is surfacing.

    I’m feeling anger and pain.

    I want to love my anger and pain.

    I want to learn from it…

    Feeling relief. How long will it last? Feeling panicky?

    It’s a viscous cycle. It’s a viscious cycle.

    I wish I could be mature, and cool and calm and collected.

    Breath, sigh, breath… Ahhhhhh…… Feel relaxed. Feel loose… Try not to be angry at myself. Notice I am directing anger at myself.

    I am mad at myself for allowingyself to get into a heary breaking situation. I was stupid. I must remember to not be too hardon myself. I am human.

    I need to try and love myself. Forgive myself.

    I need to not let someones treatment of me over ride my own self worth. I gave him the power to hurt me and I feel so angry about that – so hurt, and that’s okay.

    I need to love this anger. I need to embrace it. But how? How do I let go?

    Round and round in my head… In my head.. In my head..



  247.  #247Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 4:50 am

    I have noticed when I like someone then I go into overdrive..

    I feel really ashamed, embarrased and angry about this.

    I do not act calmly. I embarras myself and I over function. I over function.

    I tense up the minute someone starts to like me. It’s like I have a complete personality change. My voice becomes all shrill and I get nervous and jumpy – and I sound nervous and jumpy.. And I feel embarrased and I want to run away and hide. And I think to myself I am a grown up, be cool, be cool. But I am not so I have to hide myself away.



  248.  #248Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 4:51 am

    I was just listening to the World Summit 2012 recording of Taping on Childhood Trauma and Identify and OMG the childhood one brought up such strong emotion.

    I give myself permission to let go of all the baggage.



  249.  #249Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Ahh I need to focus on me, not him. Not him. Not him…

    On me… On me. On me.



  250.  #250Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 4:55 am

    (tapping link removed by request)

    Healing Pain From Your Childhood



  251.  #251Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 4:59 am

    FlowerGoddess thanks for responding to my question. If you can I encourage you to find some tapping for the sadness.



  252.  #252ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 4:59 am

    I’m still playing catch up. Last thread:

    402: Siren Angel says:

    @Angela post 149,

    If an insecure guy thinks you are too perfect, yes he can pull away. Rori tells the story of one woman to whom it happened and he went for a woman so much less than her. Thats, why expressing ALL your feelings including more negative ones (caution here: calmly, no drama, no explaining without him asking, ect) can make you seem so real and connected. example: I feel sad, I feel a little scared, I feel dizzy, I feel tired, I feel upset, I feel dissapointed)

    Do you mean when using FMs to just say, “I feel disappointed.” and don’t elaborate on why?



  253.  #253ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 5:05 am

    Starla

    Congrats on finishing Chinese with an A! Was it a very difficult language to learn? I imagine so. I work with a lot of different companies from Asia. I went to Shanghai about 5 years ago for work. We have recently created a branch in Singapore to help with communication barriers.



  254.  #254Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 5:06 am

    Apparently I’ve been dumped. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!!!



  255.  #255ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 5:08 am

    Angela

    That is a great idea to save advice on your phone. I should start doing that. I was thinking earlier how you all keep track of everything going on with sirens and remember things. Do you all take notes. I can remember some things, but would have a hard time remembering who said it. How do you ladies do it?



  256.  #256ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 5:10 am

    Last thread – 425: Siren Angel:

    ReceivingGirl, very wise name change! very nice.

    Thank you Siren Angel! I like it too!



  257.  #257Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 5:12 am

    Why do I feel so shy and scared of him. Is ut a sign? Should I stay away from him? I don’t have to stay shy and scared – I am a grown woman. Why do I feel so physically and emotionally attracted to men who make me feel shy and scared. This is such destructive behaviour. I am not 15 anymore. I can conquer this. I can conquer this. Why am I attracted to men who make me feel like this. I am like a moth to a flame… Moth to a flame… Moth to a flame.. I want to run away and hide. I want to erase him from my memory. He has got into my head and heart. How dare he. He did it when I wasn’t looking. He just jumped right in. How did he do that. Why was I not powwrful enough to stop it. Mixed signals. Deal with the feelings. My feelings. What feelings? Feelings of love, fear and anger. My anger seems to disappear whenever I think of him. My anger is fake. I want to feel anger. But really I feel blissfilly happy – until rejection hits – and then I feel anger. Anger that I didn’t protect my heart more. Anger that I was too trusting. I feel confused. I feelvery confused. Let myself feel this. Try not to be too hard on myself. Notice my anger. Notice my fear. Notice my love?? How can you love someone who has hurt you? How do I process this?? Do I walk away – pretend it never happened. Feel sad – but try to block my feelings. Feel despair and depression. Feel let down. Feel thoroughly, thoroughly negative and hate myself? Ahh no, that sounds so harsh. Feeling hatred towards myself. I am noticing thus awful feeling of self hatred. Self hatred. Self hatred.



  258.  #258Silver Moonbeam on May 11, 2012 at 5:15 am

    Receiving Girl I have found it WAY easier to remember who is who since the FB group was formed, much easier to put a face to a name now and remember who is who (mostly, but if not I shuffle off to FB for a reminder).



  259.  #259ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 5:22 am

    Last thread:435: blue rose:

    “#422 ReceivingGirl

    “Thanks. I feel bad hearing this. You expressed your feelings to him, he said it wouldn’t happen, but then he didn’t do that. I don’t feel good about this at all. It’s good to hold your boundaries.”

    Thank you for expressing that. I feel understood by you. I talked to my therapist about this, he’s a male. He seemed disturbed by it too. But I kept going, and talked more about the night. And it turns out, we started talking about sex on our second date (something I wasn’t really aware I was doing). and my therapist also pointed out that when i said to him that i didn’t want him to be sleeping with other people, or else I wouldn’t sleep with him, that i kinda put sex on the table. not that this is my fault at all that it went too fast, but i can’t believe things that i think are innocently phrased can be seen as something else by a man. i can be very naive.

    this date is still in contact with me, but all the text messages are very sexual. not the way they were at the begining. i want to shift this if it’s still possible. or else i need to remember that this guy is practice, and if he can’t see me as a lady, then i need to walk away. and maybe with the next guy i won’t be so blunt about sex so early on. it didn’t need to come up. we’re barely getting to know each other.

    rambly answer, but i hope this explains some of what may have happened. i won’t let him take it too far physically, i’ll only go as far as i’m comfortable. he was able to stop, but i was pissed off.”

    Blue rose

    Maybe it is different for guys, but I feel just because you say you are not interested in having sex with him if he’s having sex with other people and talking about it at the beginning, doesn’t mean, “if you agree, I will have sex now.”

    We still have the right to want to take things slow. We should be able to discuss sex without it immediately leading to the bedroom.

    I feel glad you will stick to you guns.



  260.  #260Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 5:28 am

    I felt so flattered by *his* attention. His attention was all I ever wanted. I wanted to feel sexy and attractive and attention from him made me feel that. I came alive. I performed. I am not a siren. I hang my head in shame. But I am human. And I am confused by my own powerful feelings. Feelings that take over me and make me act in ways I feel deeply ashamed of. All for attention. I want attention, and if I don’t get it I will go to extremes. And it makes me happy for a split second. Like a drug I get a high, but then I have a dramatic downer. I am on a downer. How do I get out? How do I stop this cycle. I am jot strong enough to do this. I am a moth to a flame. Something powerful takes over me. In the heat of the moment I don’t care about judgement. I don’t care about anything – anyone – or even my mental well being. I’m like an addict needing a hit. It takes over. It calls to me, and I can’t resist its call. Even though it will cause me pain. Even though I know in the long run it will cause me pain. Help me to find what I need healing so that I can get this cycle to stop. I need it to stop. I want to have a better life. I do not want to be a drama queen. I am so over being like this. Please universe help me…



  261.  #261R.N.AmazingMe on May 11, 2012 at 5:42 am

    @230…tHANK yOU (((Daria))) that makes me feel good.



  262.  #262Calypso on May 11, 2012 at 5:48 am

    Sirens – There is a FB page for us to connect? How do I friend it?



  263.  #263ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 5:52 am

    I have something that needs to be healed. DEGuy’s compliment the other day, “exceptionally attractive woman”, I feel funny about.

    I’ve always felt funny when I’m referred to as “attractive” or “hot” and a “woman”. I don’t receive compliments very well, I feel embarrassed.

    I know people think this about me, but I don’t think it about myself. I know I’m not ugly, but I don’t feel I’m as attractive as most people think I am. I consider myself average. I’m petite and thin and guys like the looks of my body, but to me, I’m skinny fat. I don’t need to lose weight, I need to gain weight, but I am definitely not fit. I’ve been trying to exercise, finding motivation is hard, but I do a lot around my house and yard and get exercise that way.

    Also, I don’t consider myself a woman. I consider myself a girl and I don’t feel comfortable being called a woman. I still feel I’m in high school. Maybe this is because my parents never treated me like I’m a grown-up. They don’t trust me to be able to take care of myself.

    I own a house, I take care of it and the yard, I own a car, I pay my bills, I’ve had a full-time job for many, many years, I am responsible, I am smart, I know how to figure out how to do things, I know I am capable, but sometimes I lack trust in myself.

    I feel scared I will screw something up and there will be my dad saying, “you should discuss things with me before you do them.” It can be something simple, like putting rocks down for a walkway. I did it myself, I didn’t discuss it with anyone, I showed it off when I was done, it looked awesome and he says, “did you put plastic down first?” Me, “No.” Him, “well now you just created a weed garden. Why didn’t you talk to me first?”

    It’s no wonder I don’t trust myself since this is all I’ve ever heard, “you screwed up.” I end up feeling I can’t do anything or make decisions on my own because I will make the wrong one. I’m so indecisive and it takes me forever and a day to make up my mind because of this.

    As for the walkway, it needs to be redone because the rocks are too small & light that the rain drainage moved them into the grass & now it’s all ugly. However, weeds did not grow there.

    These two things are biggies for me. I feel I am never good enough. I feel all I hear is negativity. I’m so tired of hearing it. I feel this is why I procrastinate so much. I feel resentful. I feel annoyed. I feel sad.

    I want to heal this. I want to feel attractive. I want to feel like a woman. I want to feel capable of making decisions. I want to no longer procrastinate. I want to be me and be loved and accepted for being me. Even if I don’t do things the right way…who cares. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t do something right the first time.



  264.  #264Calypso on May 11, 2012 at 5:53 am

    JP was pouting last night because he is not going to be able to make the trip home memorial weekend afterall. It will probably be the end of July before we get a chance to meet in person, but I have a lot going on and I was secretly relieved. I’m working on me right now – I’ll be a better version of my by the end of July!

    I made a decision yesterday to take my ex-husband back to court. I’ve hired a new attorney who is very expensive and i had to borrow the money to hire her, but something huge has happened and this is my chance to ask for the Alimony that I am paying my ex to be eliminated. I pay him $1000/month – keeping that money for me and my 3 sons would be HUGE! life changing. I will be brave and think positive and i am going for it!

    Unfortunately, it means I have to go back through all of my boxes of crap and find all of the documents and emails and evidence that my other attorney already has and help my new one understand what happened – I am terrified to revist those memories, but i will be strong on the inside and pray that the experience does not damage the evolving soft on the outside version of me. I don’t want to be hard and overprotective of myself.

    This is hard.



  265.  #265Starla on May 11, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Daria, 232, this might trigger you to high heaven, be warned!

    to answer your question about your own best friend, there’s a difference between doing the walk away with explanation and erasing people’s communications and not allowing them their voice because you’re assuming it will be abusive. That in itself is actually kind of abusive and very very controlling.

    i was using the walk away before to put people in the dog house and be like “nope, you f*cked up so now you better say and do the right perfect things! cuz you f*cked up!”

    You’re making her wrong and not allowing her a voice when you refuse to hear her without even knowing what she’s saying (guessing what she’s saying doesn’t count). You may not like her voice and maybe can’t listen to her messages immediately because of your fear of their content, but you could always listen another day when you’re feeling a little more up to it, and let her know you listened and you felt x or y, or don’t want to communicate with such hostility to each other. But to flat out delete the message assuming she is doing something that s*cks… that is different.

    I think a constructive walk away would be something like a text back when she’s left a few messages, “hey girl, hate fighting, i’ll listen to your messages tomorrow when things are calmer. i hope that’s okay. love you bye”

    This is a bestbestbest friend, right? So assuming she is abusive and needs to be ignored and put in the dog house and not even listen to her messages ever isn’t exactly congruent with a loving friendship. You gotta be able to know in your heart and be able to in your heart to fiercely love and respect your friend. You can’t just refuse to do it because you happen to feel unloved and disrespected yourself. You have to be brave and not play games and communicate what you’re doing and why.

    If someone just ignored me and didn’t even listen to my messages, i would feel extremely discouraged.

    The thing is, although we all make mistakes and say things we shouldn’t to our friends and family and lovers that start arguments, how the other person handles the argument counts too. I did the walk away, but I offered a rope for communicating later when it started to be healthier and safer. Your friend may have tried in the messages to move towards health and safety in her communications, but you wouldn’t know since you erased them, which isn’t exactly congruent for your desire for safe and open communication.



  266.  #266Silver Moonbeam on May 11, 2012 at 6:44 am

    Calypso

    You will have to wait for either Butterfly Wings, Jenny or Lizka to come online, they can join you up, it’s a secret group and nobody can find your postings on there. We never talk about any RR stuff on each other’s walls, some of us have made separate FB pages with other ID’s.



  267.  #267Silver Moonbeam on May 11, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Calypso

    All I can say is that thank G*d I got divorced in Australia where as far as I know there is no alimony to pay for the majority of people – only child support where you have kids under 18.

    $1000.00 is a hell of a lot of money when you are the one with the kids!! Unbelieavable!!

    p.s. If you add me to your FB I think I may be able to add you to the group. Just look for Silver Moonbeam. 🙂



  268.  #268Starla on May 11, 2012 at 6:58 am

    Daria, I’m not sure my last paragraph makes a whole lot of sense… i typed in a hurry. but hopefully i was able to give u the idea.



  269.  #269Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Receiving Girl,

    251 – Totally relate.



  270.  #270Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 7:01 am

    Receiving Girl,

    251 – Totally relate.



  271.  #271Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 7:17 am

    Emotional suppression is comparable to Chinese foot binding.

    It is like the foot’s appearance is more important than the health and well being of the little girl.

    When we are taught to bind up our emotions, we are taught that appearances are more important than our inner health and well being.

    Emotions are not bad or ugly. They are good and beautiful.



  272.  #272Iamabutterfly on May 11, 2012 at 7:18 am

    I feel so light and easy and free and happy today. I wrote it all down. I released it.

    Receiving Girl, I just wanted to thank you for showing so much interest in my situation!

    I love you! In that online-forum-kind-of-way!

    I bet I’d love you if we knew each other in real life, too. You just seem so cool.

    I feel so open and wild and free!

    I feel curious.
    I feel excited about my life.
    I feel CONFIDENCE.
    I feel sure that no matter what happens, everything will be okay.
    Romans 8:28.

    I love my beautiful life!



  273.  #273T-Girl on May 11, 2012 at 7:19 am

    Sassy – what happened?



  274.  #274Iamabutterfly on May 11, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I also feel bi-polar. My emotions are so up and down lately! But you know what? The more my emotions change, the feminine I become, the more I learn to feel my, accept them, and not let them control me or consume me.

    I feel communicative.
    I feel receptive.
    I feel so good!



  275.  #275Iamabutterfly on May 11, 2012 at 7:20 am

    I also feel bi-polar. My emotions are so up and down lately! But you know what? The more my emotions change, the feminine I become, the more I learn to feel my emotions, accept them, and not let them control me or consume me.

    I feel communicative.
    I feel receptive.
    I feel so good!



  276.  #276Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 7:33 am

    T-girl,

    I’m not really sure what happened! He kept contacting me, asking for my help with different things, (not financially), but he’s sooooo closed off and keeps things to himself, I never really know what all is going on. Anyway, I do what I can, offer suggestions, answers, whatever. He had texted me he would “fill me in” on a specific issue, and then I didn’t hear back. So I forwarded our text convo back to him and said I feel concerned when he asked me for help, I answered, and then I didn’t hear back. I said “ok”, please help me feel better. His response was “ok” and that was it! AGHHHHHHHHH
    I just ended up texting “just forget it, i give up” last night at about 10:40 and went to sleep. My phone shows he read my text at 12:30 and he didn’t respond. I just can’t keep playing these games. They make me feel humiliated and “less than” and that my feelings don’t matter. He wants what he wants when he wants it, but it doesn’t matter what I want, feel or need.
    I know, toxic, toxic, toxic. But it still hurts after almost 3 years. Thanks for listening….



  277.  #277CurvySiren10 on May 11, 2012 at 7:34 am

    What happened Sassy??



  278.  #278Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 7:46 am

    While I realize this doesn’t appear to be “being dumped”, I am strongly following the
    “Actions (or the lack thereof) speak louder than words”.
    He has had no actions…..



  279.  #279T-Girl on May 11, 2012 at 7:47 am

    ((((Sassy))))

    I wonder if he is embarrassed about something that is going on in his life? It doesn’t sound like you were dumped though. Maybe you can say something like “I feel sad about our text conversation. Is there something I should know”?



  280.  #280Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Thanks for the hug, T-girl. Idk, I’m sooooo tired of communicating through text. I haven’t seen him in 6 months. He will ignore me if I pursue it, and that feels even worse. I HATE being ignored.
    So, here we go, leaning back, again. He’ll probably send me a “happy mother’s day” text on Sunday. I feel drained.
    I got alot out of that “tapping for childhood pain” audio. I have to work on that, I have to work on me.
    There was alot of rejection/abandonment in my childhood, and Im tired of feeling this way. I need to heal myself and love myself more.



  281.  #281Calypso on May 11, 2012 at 8:04 am

    Silver Moonbeam – is you FB page the one with the moons and the girl/angel? There are several Silver Moonbeams on FB – don’t want to friend the wrong one!

    Sirens – I would never violate a confidence or post anything about this blog on any of your pages. My FB account is in my real name and all of my co-workers and my sons are “friends” of mine.



  282.  #282T-Girl on May 11, 2012 at 8:11 am

    I hear you there Sassy. Communicating by text doesn’t do it for me either. I fight off lots of triggers when I read sirens talking about texts they get from their CD’s. Maybe I am too old school but I think why isn’t the CD picking up the phone?

    You haven’t seen him for 6 months? Is it a long distance relationship? I don’t know your story but could it possibly be that you are in an imaginary relatioinship? It sounds like you definitely need to love yourself more and start CDing.

    I’m glad that you got alot out of the tapping audio. For some reason I feel resistant to tapping. I wonder why that is.



  283.  #283Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 8:25 am

    I agree about the texting/phone calls also,
    T-girl. I had an hour long phone call with him a few weeks ago.
    I haven’t seen him because he was working in a town about an hour away from here, then he went to California to help his mom who had injured herself. Now he is back, but is not making any effort to see me. He will be going to work in Tn soon.
    Imaginary? Yes, I think it is. I truly love him, but he is all over the map about women and relationships.
    I have CD’d, they just keep “poofing” and it gets old after awhile.
    Maybe the tapping is resistant to you because on some level, you either don’t believe it will work, or you are afraid that it will?
    Thank you for blogging with me about this. I don’t want to waste my time and energy thinking negative thoughts about him. He’ll be back, I just want to have the strength to move forward and stop repeating the same behaviors and hurts.



  284.  #284Silver Moonbeam on May 11, 2012 at 9:08 am

    Calypso

    I have just changed the pic, it is a red background with a heart in flames and says I believe in the magic of kindness. 🙂



  285.  #285Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Grrrrrr at me. Grrrrrr at R. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr at R’s penis! I want it! LOL! 😆



  286.  #286Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Sassy I am reading back through your comments trying to figure out why you think he dumped you. After 3 years if he is keeping in touch but not moving the relationship forward I believe what he is showing is that he wants an uncommitted relationship right now. Some of your suggestions and moving forward might feel masculine to him and he cannot have a romantic relationship with masculine energy. I would move my energy and attention totally away from him.



  287.  #287Angela on May 11, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Receiving Girl #242

    When I used FM’s on my guy I also gave him a brief why I felt that way because he’s not a mind reader just a quick….I miss that we barely talk. I feel bad and not thought of when we don’t talk.
    And that was it. very simple. And he’s completely changed and listened.
    (I’m still learning FM’s so this was awkward for me).

    In my experience I’ve learned that too much elaborating especially with highly intelligent men is a turn off, its condescending to them.



  288.  #288Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 9:42 am

    270: Rori Raye says:
    ash – this “natural progression” statement is, to me, just a buzzword for “I’m going to string out this good thing I have with you as long as I can without showing up for a real, serious, committed, lifelong relationship with you because you’re not “the one” – and even if you were, I’m not capable of giving you what you want…”

    I would never, ever invest in a relationship with a man who was giving so much energy to another woman – regardless of the “sex.” Love, Rori



  289.  #289Rori Raye on May 11, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Sarah – what I’m getting from your letter is an “attitude” that isn’t working for you. Most of us have a thing that limits us (read “The Big Leap” by Gaye Hendrix…). We can call it “negative” – but that’s not it. It’s just keeping our desires in the “safe zone.” Where they’re small, can’t hurt anyone, and keep us in our little box of a comfort zone. If you could see that your panic and fear is crucial to where you are stuck right now, and yet, instead of FIGHTING IT – learn to love it and PRACTICE loving it and forgiving it and embracing it, and yet taking steps to move outside your box (Circular Dating for therapy, not for “results”) – you’ll start to experience a different relationship with YOURSELF and what’s going on for you. – Also – if you’re finding anything “bitchy” on here – please let me know (or let Daria or Dominique know) what exactly those comments are so I can address it. SAFETY on this blog is number 1 for me! Love, Rori

    Love, Rori



  290.  #290Rori Raye on May 11, 2012 at 9:45 am

    lo.afia – start with the ebook – under $20 and the foundation of EVERYTHING. I always start with the ebook with a client…Love, Rori



  291.  #291Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 9:51 am

    I wish I hadn’t given Yorky my full name. It looks like he has done a background check on me and he has not contacted me since. That feels bad. I want people to see my heart, not my past. Who knows what the internet says about me. That doesn’t necessarily mean it is true, and it doesn’t define who I am .

    that’s like saying you know someone just because you read their resume. A resume means little to me. I look at the heart.

    I feel judged. I don’t like it.



  292.  #292T-Girl on May 11, 2012 at 9:56 am

    291 Radlove, consider that he just weeded himself out then. If he found something that doesn’t sit right with him, then would you want him anyway?



  293.  #293Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 10:13 am

    “So – for now, until you get really fluent in Strong Surrender – where you can drop all your defenses and just Stand There in your inner strength, feeling your feelings and expressing them, and leaving the room when it feels too bad..I suggest you stay away from a depressed man.”



  294.  #294Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 10:17 am

    Just being aware of how you work inside, and knowing how to morph and turn and riff bad feelings into GOOD feelings without stuffing down the bad feelings, even just a TINY bit of this will shift your “vibe” so momentously that everyone around you will shift, too.

    WARNING: When you create safety for a depressed man, which means being in touch with and able to express in Feeling Statements your OWN rage – he will begin to thaw.

    And guess what the first feeling he’ll let loose will be? You guessed it – ANGER.

    That means, if you’re with a depressed man, and you create safety for him by feeling comfortable with your own anger – you’re going to hear some anger coming from him.

    He may all of a sudden explode. He may cut loose – instead of with a nasty ‘barb,” as angry depressed men often do (they often get ‘bitchy” along with “moody”) – with real life ANGER.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/your-story-questions-for-rori/how-to-deal-with-a-depressed-man/#comment-213295



  295.  #295Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 10:39 am

    t-girl,

    292 – thanks. i guess so.



  296.  #296Daria on May 11, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Radlove – no worries he may show up later

    The idea is to meet LOTS of men and practice siren skills.

    When the skills are upgraded better men start showing up – its magic.



  297.  #297FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Radlove…I know what you mean about someone ‘googling’ you. I’m sure the sister has done this with my name and seen some past debt from a business he and I had together. Most of it has been paid off, now, but there is one more bill I can’t tackle right now and I don’t think the tax people have changed my public record to ‘paid in full’ yet. (Even though it is.)



  298.  #298Daria on May 11, 2012 at 11:07 am

    Starla – thank u. I agree she may have toned it down. Who knows.

    It felt soooooo bad when I talked to her ( I was nice ). I feel like I can’t handle talking to her if it happens.

    I feel tingly right now all through my body.

    I feel scared.

    Maybe I’m better off without her – thought.

    Tummy turning.

    Ok I can contact her.

    I’m afraid I’ll get a fuchk u bithch.

    That wd feel so painful again

    I don’t wana expose myself to abuse that Feeels si heartbreaking for me.

    One thing I wonder about is that I haven’t ever said to her I feel so crushed being talked to this way.

    My goddess says don’t contact her now.

    Tomorrow is her bday.

    I feel like I’m giving more in the friendship right now and I feel resentful.

    Tapping on these statements I wrote might help me shift my body’s responses and my perception.



  299.  #299Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 11:07 am

    FW, you’re absolutely right, (as usual). I will try my very best to move away from him. And yes, we are flip-flopped, he is feminine energy and I am masculine. That’s why he’s always coming to me for help. I’m gonna try my very best to set back and go into the feminine-for me!!!! I want to BE the girl!
    Thank you



  300.  #300Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 11:13 am

    Thank you so much Rori. I think your blog is amazing and you put so much effort and love into it. I will definitely ‘try’ and take your advice. It seems easy in theory, but much harder in practice. Even though I seem to be absorbing so much I still feel like I am hitting a brick wall. But I do understand about embracing it – it’s just so difficult.

    Re: Tough Love I personally have an issue with this. I had a friend years ago who went through 2 relationships and I wad always there to listen to her night after night. For a whole week she turned up at my flat to talk about her second relationship when it was clear it was on the rocks. When later on I went through something simillar she made me feel like she had done me a huge favour by just listening to my problems once. She kept telling me it was ‘tough love’ yet ai had listenef to her go on and on about her relationships for years. Always givibg her lover, support and advice. I felt completely abandoned by her. She only ever asked how I was so she could critise my behaviour. And it all felt so smug and condescending. I had never been through anything like that before and I needed her love and support and not the so called ‘tough love’ comments. She would not have liked it if someone had spoken to her that way.

    In the end I just realised it was her problem and broke away from her. Whether I wad right or wrong with what I was doing I just needed a friend. Telling me to simply ‘stop’ my behaviour felt scary – and like I had done something wrong. It made me feel immature and childish. And I felt humiliated. It served no other purpose than that. And on top of that it served for my behaviour to get even more out of control as I felt confused. Also, it has made me a very bitter person, it has made me so angry I don’t want to help anyone as no-one was there to help me,



  301.  #301Iamabutterfly on May 11, 2012 at 11:28 am

    a lot of friendship issues on the blog. hmm…that feels curious. If our relationships with men teach us something about ourselves, what do our friendships with women teach us? I feel curious…



  302.  #302Daria on May 11, 2012 at 11:40 am

    :: Transcending Culture ::

    Imagine you’re visiting a strange culture where
    people’s perceptions are quite different from what
    you’re used to.

    They’re offended when you shake their hands, and
    they’re honored when you spit on their feet. They
    believe that a broken mirror brings good luck, and
    they compete over who gets the privilege of cleaning
    the toilets.

    After a while, you cease making any assumptions about
    the goodness or badness, rightness or wrongness of
    *anything*.

    Now you see a little girl start to hit her mother. You
    await the mother’s reaction… Will she be offended?
    Will she be delighted? Will she be indifferent?

    In that moment, you yourself have not assigned any
    meaning to the hitting. It just *is*.

    Congratulations! You’ve transcended culture and
    connected with Reality.

    As you observe your child’s behavior today, pretend
    you’re a stranger in a strange land who doesn’t know
    what s/he is supposed to think about each behavior.
    Then *choose* an interpretation based on how good you
    feel when you think that thought.

    http://dailygroove.net/transcending-culture



  303.  #303FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 11:44 am

    FW—I have been renamed FlowerGoddess, it seems? Ok…I need to change some things, might as well start with that 🙂

    SilverMoonbeam–he was 57. Yes, I am trying to get back into taking care of me. The first 10 days, or so, I couldn’t eat and didn’t think taking my supplements on an empty stomach was a good idea. I’m forcing myself to eat, now. I drink a lot of tea and water.

    I got flowers/plants yesterday to plant outside and I’m making plans to fix up the yard. (That was my goal—fix up this yard with perennials—leave the yard and house WAY nicer than when I came here) and go back home to stay…and start our garden and spend the summer working together outside. We were a good team <3

    It's a sickening feeling (literally nauseous) to know I can never, ever go back there—never be where we were together and never see, tend, nurture all the beautiful things we planted through all these years.

    It's making it difficult to feel really 'good' about working in the yard, here. It was supposed to be the send-off to my happily-ever-after. This yard is small and I miss the homestead— we had many beds to tend, lots of trees, a huge garden— and gorgeous, nearly hundred year old, lilac bushes.

    I miss the birds—there were so many different types of birds out there compared with the few common ones that are here in town. I miss hearing them–I can hear them in my head, but it's not the same.

    I'm trying to 'love' my feelings of missing everything and trying to accept and 'love' this feeling of an elephant sitting on my chest—so heavy I can't breath. I'm trying to accept and 'love' my feelings of regret and sadness. I'm trying to accept and 'love' this immense mix of love and pain my heart.

    I'm behind on all my bills. That wasn't going to be a problem because I'd have only had to pay half the house payment this month. I'd made arrangements to pay off my other bills knowing (at the time) I'd have more money to work with once I went home. I can't change the arrangements–they'll just shut stuff off.

    The attorney said money I gave him or used for US (keeping the house; fixing the house; helping him) will be considered a "gift" by the others and I'll likely not get any of it back. He (D) was always there for me…and this one time, in all of these years, I felt good that I could help him. I was happy to do it. I was investing in US.

    My doubts and insane 'need' to hear words and reassurance blinded me and skewed my perspective of reality. I've always been insecure (though I have made a lot of progress) and was leaning on old patterns instead of living in the moment…missing the forest for the tree.

    Thank you, SilverMoonbeam, for posting the 'Four Agreements.' I'm trying to immerse myself in ideas that will bring me peace and healing.

    I'm going now to try the tapping—



  304.  #304Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 11:48 am

    I will need support, ladies. I HAVE to stop this leaning forward and pining. I drive myself crazy. I don’t want to think about him and put my energy into something that only leaves me frustrated.



  305.  #305Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 11:54 am

    (((((((((((((((((Flowerchild/Flowergoddess))))))))))))

    Much love to you.



  306.  #306Dominique on May 11, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    Sarah – This site is a very loving, open armed, accepting place to be. Some of the women here have been here for awhile and many have established friendships on the blog and off. In other words there is a herstory.

    And sometimes when one of the sirens repeats her patterns over and over, someone else who knows her rather well will try something new to see if this might jolt her out of her holding pattern.

    And some women by nature respond better to a more blunt approach towards her.

    To a new visitor, this may seem like attack, but it rarely is. All that is spoken here is for the most part spoken with deep love.

    If there is ever a time you feel unsafe, please say so, either right upfront (most everyone here is sensitive to this) or to me or Daria as Rori suggested. I too am a coach and Rori’s friend and keep an eye on the site most of the time.

    xxoo



  307.  #307Dominique on May 11, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Flowergoddess – I have been and still am holding you in mu heart. Much love to you.

    xxoo



  308.  #308Daria on May 11, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    im feeling all shook up and turmoiled and sad and unsure of myself and sad and a lil panicked adressing this stuff

    sigh

    🙁



  309.  #309April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 12:16 pm

    “I don’t know how to be your friend. I’m so scared of your anger and being called a b*tch by you. It would feel really bad if you called me that and I’d be scared because I consider you someone I care about very much”



  310.  #310April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    “I own this fear as mine, and I simply want to wish you a happy and joyful birthday”



  311.  #311FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 12:19 pm

    What is the best site, person to learn tapping from?



  312.  #312FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Thank you Dominique. I am very touched by all the responses and love that have come from this place. I feel blessed and cared about.



  313.  #313Emoticon on May 11, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Timely post! Thank you to all the Sirens who wished me a happy birthday from last week and yesterday 🙂 . I thoroughly enjoyed my birthday!!!! It was AMAZING.



  314.  #314Starla on May 11, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    I can vote for me all the time, even when it seems like i can’t. for example, i could be feeling down and like no one is voting for me, and i’m stuck at work or somewhere and there’s nothing i can do about it… i could vote for me by taking a moment to drink some water, or to recite ho’opononoponopomnoooonpnoipop (spelling?) for a minute or two.



  315.  #315Emoticon on May 11, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    One of my plans got cancelled yesterday. I was supposed to (after spending the day at the harbor with my friend) go to one CDs apartment and celebrate with him and my friend and some fo his friends and then spend the night there. I didnt hear from him ALL DAY. I was tempted to contact him because I was actually supposed to drop my overnight bag off at his place before i went down tot he harbor with my friend. I didnt hear from him so I left the house without it and said I would probably come back for it if he contacted me. Well, the day came to an end and I still didnt hear from him, but a new CD that I had just met that day said he would take me for drinks if I was free last night because he works around the corner from my house. Well that didnt materialize either but I did spend the night with yet ANOTHER CD watching NBA playoffs and having sex during the breaks lol :-). So at about 1:30 am i got a text from the first CD with whom I had birthday plans here is the conversation:

    B: Happy bday!
    Me: Thanx. Im feeling disappointed that our plans didnt come thru 2day. Is there sumthing i shud kno?
    B: Ummm no. U ain’t never hit me up, wat I gotta do wit the plans fallin thru
    Me: I dont want 2 argue or play the blame game
    B: Ok. Hope u had a good bday
    Me: Yeah i did enjoy it it was awesome!!
    B: Good! I’m glad

    **end of conversation**

    I figured anything else I said after that would be leaning forward so I left it at that. I wasnt even upset because that CD had told me that I would not be blowing out any candles at his house because he didnt have money. The CD i did spend the night with however, didnt get a cake or anything cuz our plans were really spur of the moment, but it was so sweet, he lit candles in his livingroom, sand happy birthday and told me to make a wish and then i blew them all out :-D. So i really enjoyed my night with the other CD. Didn’t spoil my birthday by worrying about why B didnt call or text all day.



  316.  #316Emoticon on May 11, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    Starla firstly I VOTE FOR YOU …. ur amazing

    secondly lol…. Ho’o pono pono 🙂



  317.  #317Starla on May 11, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    thanks, emoticon:)
    what i like about ho’oponohdsjadhpiuoponopono is that it’s also a vote for everyone else, too.



  318.  #318Emoticon on May 11, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    So true…. i feel different since I started doing it several times a day. I felt my capacity to love EVERYBODY increase and to accept love from everyone also. I feel connected to even strangers and now people approach me SO much more, men women children EVERYBODY. And imagine I was being approached a lot before so now its jus CRAZY.

    3 CHEERS FOR HO’O PONO PONO AND FOR INCREASING OUR CAPACITY TO LOVE!!!!!



  319.  #319Daria on May 11, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    thanks April Rose

    i feel like crying

    this is deep stuff for me under this that gets triggered from my subconsscious

    i feel scared of peoples anger

    i dont know how to be a friend…



  320.  #320Iamabutterfly on May 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    I don’t know why, but I miss my big heartache so bad today. He’s been married for almost four years and I still miss him. I miss the way he loved me. I miss his leadership. I miss his laugh. I miss the way he used to look into my eyes. I miss how excited he would get, how excited he would get over me and how scared and humbled it would make me feel.

    man, that love was deep.



  321.  #321Daria on May 11, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    the men have dried up right now

    there are no texts on my phone this morning or calls

    and only 2 messages on my online site

    i feel worried

    that it will stop

    and i wont be meeting any men anymore



  322.  #322Daria on May 11, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    im feeling really taken down and sad by Thinking about this

    i feel confused

    i don’t knwo if thinkinga bout this is healing for me

    i did some EFT and i trust that is healing

    i want to escape from this feeling

    i feel tight in my cheeks

    i love the tightness in my cheeks

    and that feels like

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    and that feels like

    sinking head down

    i love my sinking head down

    and that feels like

    scratching my head

    i love my scratching my head

    and that feels like

    tinglies in my shoulder

    i love the tinglies in my shoulder

    and That feels like

    tight tinglies in my chekks

    i love the tight tinglies in my cheeks

    and that feels like

    pinching in my right mouth

    i love my pinching in my right mouth

    and taht feels like

    tinglies in my arm

    i love the tinglies in my arm

    and that feels like heaviness in my arm

    i love the heaviness in my arm

    and that feels like

    pinghcing on my chest

    i love the pinching on my chest



  323.  #323Emoticon on May 11, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Daria when I feel that way, it helps when I imagine that there are a hundred men waiting outside my door for me. And I stand at my window with my eyes closed and that vision in my head and imagine cameras flashing (them taking pictures of me) and I blow a kiss back and I feel a whole lot better. Then I leave the house and FLIRT!!



  324.  #324Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    Dominique – thank you for your response. You put a lot of time and effort into it.

    I personally feel very uncomfortable with the ‘tough love’ approach and it is purely based on my own experience and what I have read here on the blog.

    When one siren is pleading with another siren to stop humilliating her I feel very uncomfortable. Especially as others were joining in and no-one seemed to be supporting her. Like she said, she came to this site for sanctuary and rightly or wrongly I felt it uncomfortable to read. Maybe it will work but the barriers of trust will always, from my point of view be broken.

    However, Gordon Ramsey had made a career out of it and it wotks for him. He certainly he does turn peoples lives around, so maybe I am wrong. Maybe I am being too soft and sensitive. Maybe there isn’t a better way to get people to *stop* repeating their bad behavioural problems. Maybe tough love is the only way.

    I just know if I was an alcoholic and someone told me to stop drinking, I would say, Do you think I didn’t think of that?

    With love…



  325.  #325Mel on May 11, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Ooooh, I have to remember to flirt more, it’s fun! Today I caught the courier guy checking me out… so I smiled kinda shyly, but also in a “yeah… I know I’m cute” sorta way. I held it for 3 seconds, giggled and walked past. That felt so fun!



  326.  #326Daria on May 11, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    i feel jealous! i want to feel honored and loved enough by my CD’s to watch basketball with them and have sex in the breaks

    i remember i used to so easily feel honored and worshipped by men a few years ago

    and now im pretty much celibate due to meeting men that are not on the same page w me sexually or else i dont feel emotionally connected…



  327.  #327Daria on May 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    Thanks EMOTICON!!! i lvoe the camera flashing and kiss tool! I feel superstar



  328.  #328R.N.AmazingMe on May 11, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    @323 Agree I also say the loss of trust is huge. It destroyed parts of me I am scared I will never get back. I am starting early wine and strawberries, warm thought to all u mommy’s Happy Mothers Day.



  329.  #329Starla on May 11, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I wish I could find a good video on youtube for ho’oponojdfskjdopono. they’re all really cheezy. maybe i’ll make one that is me just narrating the 4 basic lines over and over on a loop with pretty images.



  330.  #330FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    I’m voting for you, Starla! I think you are fantastic. I am very inspired by you and how you’ve handled your life situations.

    I find the Ho’O Pono Pono (sp?) very comforting also. I wonder why it’s so much easier to forgive others than it is to forgive myself?

    I like your idea of taking care of myself in tiny little ways when I feel “stuck.” Thanks for sharing that…



  331.  #331Emoticon on May 11, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Youre welcome Daria



  332.  #332April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    “I’m hoping that if I ignore this fear for long enough it will go away. Help. It is not going away – I feel it constantly in the background nagging at me and tormenting me underneath everything. I feel paralysed and I feel like there is huge glass barrier between us. I can’t get past it. The fear won’t let me. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I love you.”



  333.  #333Dominique on May 11, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Sarah – No, tough love is not the only way and certainly not the only way used here.

    There also many ultra-sensitive women here who do not respond well to a more blunt approach. I count myself one of them, so when I coach you rarely if ever find me using that method.

    There are all types here, so please know that you can feel safe here, and if you ever feel attacked or that someone is being too aggressive, all you need to say is that it feels bad. The woman in question will likely apologize and soften her tone.

    Know too that this something for you to look at too as something to heal or at least be aware of so that you do not take it personally or so deeply to heart.

    xxoo



  334.  #334April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I’m living on a knife-edge here. I feel drawn to this edge somehow ….



  335.  #335Daria on May 11, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Im tapping on this and I did some tapping on resistance to change too
    a
    nd now i feel all light and free WOW!

    i was feeling AWFUL just a min ago!



  336.  #336Daria on May 11, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    awww April Rose thank you!

    I miss my sister

    I feel cryingness right now

    I feel touched

    I feel excited that I may be able to reconnect with her



  337.  #337R.N.AmazingMe on May 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    I cannot be broken I will still walk with my head held high. You may have taken part of who I used to be but you cannot have who I am now. Thanks to your tough love I feel more distrusting. So much for the master plan, right?! I was happy with who I was and you played on weakness, pain, and past demons. I was set up for failure still piecing together my life. Why didn’t you just leave me alone, let me be. This whole mess for what so you could have a life less broken? Oh lets not blame here it was for my own good.



  338.  #338Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Thank you Dominique, I do feel safe here and I think this blog must help a lot of women. It is very precious.



  339.  #339ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I keep reading about how much power a woman has within a relationship. It reminds me of ShyGuy. Last summer, he told me, “you have all the power and hold all the cards cause you are the woman.” I looked at him like he had two heads. I didn’t feel I have ever held all the cards or had any power. I thought to myself, “if that was the case, me & you would have been dating for 2 years now! I wouldn’t be single!” Maybe he knew more than I thought he did. Maybe he was trying to tell me something in his own way.



  340.  #340April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    “I miss you. I have been too frightened to even think those words. I feel unbearable when I imagine you being angry with me. I can’t bear our connection to disintegrate into angry words, blame, punishment. I have been feeling so punished by my own thoughts and by imagining you talking to me in a mean way.

    I cannot make you be kind to me, but I can forgive myself for putting imagined words in your mouth. I have been forgetting what brought us together as sisters. Now I am remembering. I feel thankful for my memories…”



  341.  #341Silver Moonbeam on May 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    I feel like sh*t now, like Rori thinks I am some kind of b*tch for having words with Radlove when I got exasperated with her, and that Sarah needs some kind of protection from people like me, I feel so sad that anybody would think that I am some kind of attacking abusive person when I am so clearly not, I admit I did get triggered by Radlove, one of the very FEW times I have on here.

    I feel like a naughty schoolchild told to sit in the corner, shut the eff up and don’t make waves.

    I don’t understand that some people can say whatever the eff they like…………and others can’t, is this some kind of clique?



  342.  #342R.N.AmazingMe on May 11, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I feel so alone and so angry and to make it worse I have no one to talk to about it! You know how that feels? When you see me and the blank look and the fake smile. When I look at you but look right past you, in that moment you may see exactly how much you have helped me.



  343.  #343Starla on May 11, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    ((((((((silver moonbeam)))))))))))
    if it is a clique i’m definitely not part of it so we can have our own un-clique lol



  344.  #344April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    I have been too frightened to feel how much I miss you.



  345.  #345April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I miss my Mum and I miss my Dad. Like crazy.



  346.  #346Starla on May 11, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    (((((((((April Rose)))))))))



  347.  #347April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    Regardless of the content of the posting you made to Radlove, the feeling I got from it was one of surprise and “Wow”. I felt your boldness, and direct honesty.

    Whether or not it was a reaction, or tough love, or if you upset someone, you seemed to me somehow more expressive, more spontaneous, less restrained in yourself.
    And now you feel a backlash.

    I would ask is this a pattern of yours? Or is there a fear that there will be consequences if you express yourself without holding back?



  348.  #348T-Girl on May 11, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    (((((Silver Moonbeam))))), we know that what you said was out of love.



  349.  #349Sassy on May 11, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    SMB, we all have moments of frustration with some of the postings on here. I too have occasionally asked myself if I should stay away as if it were a “clique”. But I find such a sisterhood here that I don’t feel in my “real” life. As with any family, there will be frustrations and upsets and anger, but there is also love, support, friendship and happiness. You have amazing grace in your expressions and humour and a sweetness.



  350.  #350Silver Moonbeam on May 11, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    #346 April Rose

    It was said to a sister Siren that I felt love for and that I felt was harming HERSELF nothing more, nothing less, but now it appears I am some kind of b*tch. It has been taken so much out of context from newcomers.

    I will say nothing more. As our American friends would say, I am done.



  351.  #351FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Where did you ladies learn tapping? I’ve looked and there are SO many youtube people and so many links I don’t know which to choose. I know nothing about it—looked it up a few times, but never really got into it.

    I need like a ‘tapping 101’ very basic way to start. I don’t understand how it can work—but I’m willing to try. I’m desperate to find a way to stop this pain.

    I know I must move through it or I won’t heal, but I need some relief in between. I’m inspired by how tapping seems to work for others, here.



  352.  #352April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Silver Moonbeam,

    I apologise for putting my own stuff upon you.
    I have a terror of speaking out spontaneously.

    You said what you said, and I feel grateful whenever a woman expresses herself.

    To me there is only an issue of ‘safety’ when physical harm is implied. We cannot hurt one another by what we write.



  353.  #353Dominique on May 11, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Silver Moonbeam – I feel surprised by all of this. This is not at all the sense I got from it all. I got that you were expressing frustration, and from my perspective, what you said came from your heart and from love. I feel certain I am not alone in the thought that you are not ar all a b*tch.

    And ou are as much a part of this group as anyone else.

    I for one love your presence from the beginning, way back as BarbinOz.

    xxoo



  354.  #354R.N.AmazingMe on May 11, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    @SM that feels bad to read, I highly doubt anyone here thinks you are a b%it^$CH!!



  355.  #355April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    You are a b*tch. I am a b*tch. We are all b*tches.

    Anyone who says they are not is either an undiscovered saint or a fibber.



  356.  #356April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I need to embrace my inner b*tch.

    She is sharp, and shrewd and moves fast and she looks out for me, and for you too.

    She feels so lonely and angry being constantly judged as bad.
    WM loves my b*tch. He says its part of me and so he loves her.



  357.  #357Daria on May 11, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    lol from a guy :

    “Message:
    you want my number? *jedi mind trick tellin her to say yes and give me her number too… lol”



  358.  #358Daria on May 11, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Flower Goddess – i like working with Margaret Lynch’s stuff

    theres are videos on youtube of her and others

    you can also look up ‘basic EFT’ on youtube to get the basics down



  359.  #359Daria on May 11, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    “I feel like sh*t now, like Rori thinks I am some kind of b*tch for having words with Radlove when I got exasperated with her, and that Sarah needs some kind of protection from people like me, I feel so sad that anybody would think that I am some kind of attacking abusive person when I am so clearly not”

    omg! this is how i so often felt here in the past

    i still feel triggered when reading “others can” etc and like its pointed at me

    and thsi feeling that i felt feels AWFUL

    except that unlike SMB i dont feel so sure that im not an attacking abusive person

    i think that i am actually

    hmm

    is that something to heal?

    we all have our attackign abusing patterns

    it does not make me AS A PERSON

    hmmm

    i still feel mad about my trigger of the others are allowed

    i still feel mad at the icky feeling stuff i received myself when spekaing my truth

    ok i feel a sigh

    hmm

    im feeling ‘riled up’ a bit

    i am open to healing



  360.  #360FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    Well…I checked out http://www.tapping.com. I do feel calmer inside after following the video on the home page. It felt very silly while I was doing it, but that’s ok. It’s better than feeling so afraid and sad.

    I realize these feelings will come back, as they are not “inappropriate” or irrational in my situation. I know I can’t heal unless I FEEL the feelings. I understand this, but it is a relief to have the intensity dialed down a notch for awhile so I can breath properly and my mind can stop spinning so fast.

    Does anyone have any tips, ideas or processes to use with the Universe box? I don’t have a real good one right now, so I’m using a pretty little ceramic box my best friend gave me. Do you write what you want/need out on paper and put it inside? Or do you find magazine pictures? I’ve read that this is working miracles for some of you—how did you go about it, etc.?

    I don’t know if me having such a ‘small’ box indicates that I only expect ‘small’ results…kind of confused…



  361.  #361FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Thank you Daria. I will check that out–I was just in a hurry to feel better. I could feel a panic attack coming on.



  362.  #362April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Can anyone tell me what ‘poofed’ means?

    In the UK, ‘poof’ is slang for ‘gay man’.

    So, does ‘poofed’ mean that one of your CDs turned gay?



  363.  #363Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 3:32 pm

    Poofed means disappeared; vamoosed; left; rejected you.



  364.  #364Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    I am missing him so much. I feel miserable. It feels an obsessive feeling of thinking about him all the time. I cannot let go. I’m missing him. I must embrace these feelings and not try to suppress them…

    Interesting…



  365.  #365Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Ahhh anger. I am angry that he is not here. I must allow myself to feel and embrace the anger..



  366.  #366ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Mr. Observant replied to me. “Take the compliments as they come. Looking forward to seeing your drawing. Good job.”

    Now, this is where I would reply, Thanks. Or should I just not reply?



  367.  #367April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    What is a b*tch anyway? It is a label coming from a judgement made about a part of a woman. A part that has intelligence and goes beyond the line drawn by polite society.

    I invite you to be a b*tch to me anytime. Yes, you! You who are reading this.

    It may help me to grow. I intend to grow and move myself beyond comfort zone.

    My comfort zone is defined by polite society. So, can any b*tch here help me break out?

    🙂



  368.  #368FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Sarah…I feel what you are feeling…intense missing, aching to hear his voice, to feel his arms around me, to see him.

    I cannot find it in myself to get angry. How do you get to angry? I’m not even sure I want to feel anger, but I’m curious.



  369.  #369Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Daria,

    295 – “Radlove – no worries he may show up later

    The idea is to meet LOTS of men and practice siren skills.

    When the skills are upgraded better men start showing up – its magic.”

    Thank you!



  370.  #370April Rose on May 11, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Receiving Girl,

    More femininely important than the thought of whether or not to reply is this:
    Can you do as he instructs you? “Take (receive) the compliments as they come”

    Why not spend a few minutes allowing his compliment to be received into your soft surrendered body, and feeeeeel it. Mmmmm…



  371.  #371Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 3:53 pm

    Hi Flowerchild77

    I suppose anger is emotional pain, turbulence, grief or heartache.

    Sometimes anger is just butterflies in the stomach.

    I am just practising noticing my feelings and embracing them, and owning them, no matter how ugly or politically incorrect they are.

    Privately, or publically I jusr need to quietly notice and acknowlwdge so that the feelings can breath and express thrmselves, rather than suppress thenselves.

    The anger might come from somewhere else. Some confusion I have or fear or …?? That is what I am trying to look at and find…



  372.  #372Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    {{{Moonbeam}}},

    341 – “I feel like sh*t now, like Rori thinks I am some kind of b*tch for having words with Radlove when I got exasperated with her, and that Sarah needs some kind of protection from people like me, I feel so sad that anybody would think that I am some kind of attacking abusive person when I am so clearly not, I admit I did get triggered by Radlove, one of the very FEW times I have on here.

    I feel like a naughty schoolchild told to sit in the corner, shut the eff up and don’t make waves.

    I don’t understand that some people can say whatever the eff they like…………and others can’t, is this some kind of clique?”

    Hey, hugs to you. I love you, okay? You can say whatever you want on here. We are friends. Obviously we triggered each other. That’s okay. I felt judged. And I spoke my feelings with you as I would have with any other Siren.

    That doesn’t mean I or anyone thinks bad of you. What can I do to help you feel better? I have let it go, altho I admit I don’t feel free to share what’s really going on with me now. But I have just accepted that on a blog with tens of women, it just might not always land with 100% agreement with me.

    I love you!



  373.  #373Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    April Rose,

    367 – “I invite you to be a b*tch to me anytime. Yes, you! You who are reading this.

    It may help me to grow. I intend to grow and move myself beyond comfort zone.

    My comfort zone is defined by polite society. So, can any b*tch here help me break out?”

    Hey there, you tempt me to take you up on your invitation, LOL! I feel like a good stimulating role play…do you really want that? Is it all part of your dangerous lure?

    I’m laughing over here…wanna fight?



  374.  #374Sarah on May 11, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    I am angry at him…



  375.  #375Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    Flower I put a link earlier to the Tapping World Summit 2012 going on now. I like Margaret Lynch and Terri Cole



  376.  #376FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I know I “should” be angry at him for dying and leaving me as a “nobody.” But I miss him so much I can’t be angry at anyone but me. If I’d gotten my butt in gear and did what we planned sooner, this would all be different.

    Sigh….



  377.  #377Femininewoman on May 11, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    SMB – I say it was a misnderstanding as so frequently happpen with the written word. You were strong and direct but the energy behind the Words was Love. At least that was my sense



  378.  #378R.N.AmazingMe on May 11, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    I think I am bored enough to put a profile back up on POF…i am a lil apprehensive ok ALOT!



  379.  #379Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    Touching Story

    A Dog’s Purpose? (from a 6-year-old)

    18
    MAR
    from my good friend Scott Fornaciari

    Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa , and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
    I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

    As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
    The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker ‘s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

    The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
    Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”

    Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.

    He said,”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The Six-year-old continued,

    ”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

    Live simply.

    Love generously.

    Care deeply.

    Speak kindly.

    Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

    When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

    Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

    Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure Ecstasy.

    Take naps.

    Stretch before rising.

    Run, romp, and play daily.

    Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

    Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

    On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

    On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

    When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

    Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

    Be loyal.

    Never pretend to be something you’re not.

    If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

    When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.

    By: Karen McNeill



  380.  #380Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Moonbeam and FemineWoman,

    377 – I agree



  381.  #381Starla on May 11, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Something that scares me is the general ‘accepted’ wisdom that people don’t change. I change. I don’t want the default assumption about me to be that I won’t change for the better.

    I do change, remarkably so. It’s not always on-command or in time to ‘save’ a situation, but when it (eventually) happens, it is for real. So I always feel hopeful that people do change. But people tell me that is naive of me all the time! So I risk getting burned or at least feel like i do.

    I hope people believe it when they see change in me. I don’t want anyone to think I’m a fraud or kidding myself since “everyone knows people don’t change.”



  382.  #382Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    Starla,

    381 – I feel the same way. I am ALWAYS in process.

    One of my favorite quotes says:

    “Life is not a having and a resting,
    but a growing and a becoming.”

    I saw it on a poster with a picture of a little boy hiding under a farm wagon in the shade.



  383.  #383Starla on May 11, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    i hope my best friend and i go back to normal again soon. But i have this weird suspicion that this won’t actually be easy at all, and this could be the tip of a hormonal iceberg volcano that’s been laying dormant for the life of our friendship, haha. But then I don’t feel scared… I feel kind of honored to actually have someone in my life that has been in a faithfully loving relationship with me for most of my life, like family. And to have the opportunity in such a safe relationship to love unconditionally and use non violent communication in a way that feels authentic to uniquely me and break patterns and take care of myself…

    So I hope we go back to normal soon, but if her hormones are gonna be like this for a while, it is still actually pretty exciting and good for me. Because she’s my best friend with no exceptions. I am not afraid of anything she could say or do to hurt me.



  384.  #384FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Starla…I believe people can change. Some don’t, but those who really want to learn from life and change do. You are one who looks for the lesson <3



  385.  #385Starla on May 11, 2012 at 5:29 pm

    the universe has been very generous in giving to my personal development right now. I fully intended in my whole being to develop and transform this season, and while I’ve made countable goals and been working towards them the universe has brought me everything else i need to arrive to where i know I want to go.

    i feel so aligned and universally supported tonight. I want to tell society that you can undergo a lifetime of transformation very relatively quickly if that is your intention. Do some relevant “material” things to support your intention to transform emotionally/psychologically/physically, like follow an exercise program (for mood and fitness), commit to meditating 5 minutes a day, etc., and the universe will see you flying your flag of intention and deliver everything else you need to get to where you want to go.

    (((((((((existence))))))))))



  386.  #386Daria on May 11, 2012 at 5:33 pm

    Flower Goddess – those ‘butt into gear’ comments are your NVS that keep you depressed

    notice them and

    remind yourself VERBALLY out loud if possible they’re not true

    you were doing the best you can and it is ok to not say yes to soemthing that didnt feel 100% to you

    TRUST yourself

    I for one am glad you didn’t get married before it felt great to you

    there is a lot of healing available during grieving times

    I see you exploring that and with the tapping you will be shifting your entire life experience

    ((((Flower Goddess))))

    if you have means available, I would search for an EFT practitioner you can call that can work with you

    it feels so much easier to have someone working with you sometimes



  387.  #387FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    Thank you Daria. Eventually I will heal, I know that. But right now I am feeling deep, intense regret for not listening to that small voice inside insisting that time was a factor. I don’t expect anyone else to understand.

    I appreciate your help with the tapping and helping me not want to beat myself up. I believe regret is one of the many, many feelings one experiences during the grief process. I can’t even begin to express how I miss him.



  388.  #388ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 6:02 pm

    @231 Tiffany

    I can so relate. My dad is just like that!



  389.  #389Daria on May 11, 2012 at 6:05 pm

    Daria feels sad again thinking about talkin to my friend tomorrow

    i feel mucho better than before tho

    i feel surprised im planning on calling her!



  390.  #390Daria on May 11, 2012 at 6:08 pm

    ohh Flower Goddess – i feel pushed away a bit by the i dont expect anyone else to understand

    🙁

    i dont feel worthy to talk to u during your grief process right now

    its better that i dont say anything

    i ahve a habit of messin shit up

    wow i feel surprised to see these thoughts in myself

    i want to heal this



  391.  #391Memulo on May 11, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    Sirens,

    I have good news.. SmartCD visited and it was wonderful and today I got my papers – finally!- so I am going back home tomorrow 😉 YAY!!!!

    He is a really really great guy, so kind and caring and smart and it felt amazing to get to know him better.



  392.  #392Memulo on May 11, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    #381: I always felt that I change. My values probably did not, but my attitudes did.



  393.  #393Memulo on May 11, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    #366: I would not reply, let him have the last word



  394.  #394ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 6:18 pm

    @258 Silver Moonbeam

    Thank you.



  395.  #395Memulo on May 11, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    There was something interesting that i wanted to share. When he showed up n the hotel I was in the lobby, reading a book. He was calling me from his cab and then he stepped in the lobby. He ran towards me with the words: what are you doing just standing here? Don’t you see I came all the way to see you? — he was joking but implying that he expected me to run towards him too. I felt surprised to hear that;)



  396.  #396FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 6:26 pm

    ((Daria)) What I meant is that I’ve struggled with this ‘voice’ before in my life (intuition, some call it…?) and it’s taken me a long time to learn to recognize it.

    There have been times I’ve ignored it and other times I listened and took action. I regret I was so involved in ‘me’ that I didn’t listen this time. It was loud and persistent—but I mistakenly labeled it as a ‘negative voice’ and chose to continue ignoring it.

    It was the same voice that told me to get in my car and go to him that night when he didn’t answer the phone 🙁



  397.  #397ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    @272 lamabutterfly

    Awww…thank you. I feel so good to read that. I think we would get along great in real life as well.



  398.  #398ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    @287 Angela

    Thank you for that. FMs are awkward for me too. 🙂



  399.  #399sensual on May 11, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    I just wanted to let all the sirens knows that things feel sooo good with my new man …still seeing each other about 4 nights a week. This week I stayed over Tuesday and on wednesday because he didn’t ask to see me I went out separately and posted a picture on facebook of me with another guy “friend”…. he promptly texted me and i said I was just having birthday drinks with an old friend. On thursday as he didn’t ask to see me I went out again without telling him and today we had the most wonderful afternoon together! He was asking a lot of questions about my night out without him and then he started really stepping up and things just feel really great! he wants to take me out tonight and have me drive out to his country place tomorrow night and he asked me to go to see a friend sing on tuesday night! I love jealousy and doing things without them if they don’t ask to see you! CDing is such a great tool!



  400.  #400Daria on May 11, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    i wonder if i can stop making myself wrong – heal the regret – for ‘not listening to my inner voice’ that one time i went to jail

    it actually turned inot a fantastic experience

    but if i had listened….

    hmmm

    this is one of those 4th chakra vows

    *i didnt do it perfect*

    i want to heal this



  401.  #401FlowerChild77 on May 11, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    I’m happy for you, sensual. It feels good to read about inspiring Siren experiences 🙂



  402.  #402ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    @370 April Rose

    It’s funny you say that. I was thinking if he meant more by that sentence than just what my teacher said. He doesn’t know me all that well to know that I am bad at receiving compliments…or does he? It did strike something in me.



  403.  #403ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    @393 Thank you, Memulo! 🙂



  404.  #404Jilly on May 11, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    one of my favorite things about feeling messages is that you really find out what you are feeling 🙂



  405.  #405Jilly on May 11, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Memulo…yay!!! 🙂



  406.  #406ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    I took today off work & spent the entire day weeding & putting down mulch. I barely even made a dent in all the work waiting for me in my yard! There are some thistles as tall as me! I am feeling achy tonight & I know will be sore tomorrow.

    Sitting enjoying my sleepy time tea before I hit the hay. I enjoy being outside in the nice weather all day.

    Tomorrow they’re calling for rain, so I will work on cleaning & laundry. I have so much to do to get ready for my party next weekend. I feel so excited to see Mr. Observant at my party and to show him my drawing. He seems so anxious to see it.



  407.  #407Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    I’m really struggling. I just took a four hour nap. I admit I am heavily in depression. I feel powerless to pull out of it. This R thing is eating me alive. I crazy texted him while i was in bed. The only thing he wrote me is I don’t want to talk to you.

    One thing that was comforting is the 2 week old kittens cuddled with me as I slept, especially the light gray one, who I have nicknamed Cloud. Little sweetheart gravitates to warmth and softness, like I do.

    Why can’t I leave R alone? I feel so discouraged about my house. I love it here, yet it has become completely unmanageable. I know I’m also feeling discouraged cuz I have no money. I feel empowered when i have a few bucks in my pocket. It was a beautiful, perfect day, and I didn’t go outside to enjoy the sun at all. I don’t know what to do with myself.

    I have little to show for my days. I go back and forth between my computer and TV all day as a means of avoiding housework and job-hunting. I guess depression is why.

    I am going nuts. Sometimes the best thing that will get me out of a funk is going out. I felt hung up all day in simply getting myself to the shower. It felt like a monumental task to shower, dress, comb my hair, brush my teeth,a nd put in my contacts. I finally did it in the evening, during Happy Days and part of Dr. Quinn.

    I ran the dogs at the local college out back. Ariel messed it up when she started chasing the security car, of all things! I called and called her, and she ignored me, which is rare for her. So of course the guy told me we couldn’t be there. But I was already in the process of getting them in the car. He just had to throw his weight around.

    Anyway, I feel better being freshly showered and having gone out

    I’ve been texting R off and on all day, and he only gave that one response.

    Now I’m watching Dr. Quinn again, and i am really needing to get normal.



  408.  #408Starla on May 11, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    can you ladies please help me? i feel irritated. the museum closes at 5 tomorrow, so alaska wants to go out at 1:30 and then dinner after that, too… that feels like a bit much to me…so I suggested 2 instead to buy myself some time and still have time to see the whole museum before it closes.

    But honestly i wanted my weekend to relax and float around. not have to rush to get ready a couple hours after i wake up and then be out all day and evening with him and come home tired.

    i guess i had it in my head when he said “let’s throw in dinner and make it a real date” that we’d be heading out a little before dinner time. i don’t know why i assumed this but it was what i was thinking for some reason. i’d be open to one or the other, but not both. it’s just way too long for me tomorrow.



  409.  #409ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Mr. Observant must be a great dad to his kids. He seems so positive, supportive, and direct. I really like that. I also really liked how at the last party, our two friends started fist fighting and he immediately jumped in the middle to break it up.



  410.  #410ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:27 pm

    @Radlove

    Maybe you need to treat R like an addiction and go through some sort of detox. What do you think? How can you detox him out of your system?



  411.  #411ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    @Starla

    Tell Alaska you really need some relaxing alone time tomorrow and doing both would be a lot for you. Ask him if he can choose just one (museum or dinner) and take a rain check for the other on a different day. What do you think?



  412.  #412Brandylion on May 11, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Starla,

    I feel tired thinking about being out all day tomorrow. I want to relax and float around this weekend, and these plans feel heavy. I would feel better going to the museum or dinner, but not both. What do you think?



  413.  #413Daria on May 11, 2012 at 8:34 pm

    Radlove – sounds like me! what helped me the most was not beating myself about not doing job hunting, house organizing, or grooming

    once ‘me’ got that i wasnt gonna beat her up, she started doing those things in way creative ways that were never accessible to me before

    now the room im in is amazing looking thanks to me

    that was never happening in the days of ‘have to’

    i still don’t shower for a week at a time sometimes – it feels better when i do though

    also nutritionally the raw quail egg diet really helped my moods

    that and EFT with the Margaret Lynch program



  414.  #414ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    You know what else I feel good about? He hasn’t deleted my email. He keeps replying using the same email chain even though the conversation has ended a few times already.



  415.  #415Jilly on May 11, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Sensual…I feel smiley hearing your update!! 🙂



  416.  #416ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    I feel happy to be officially caught up on blog comments. That took me a while! (((blog)))



  417.  #417Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 8:45 pm

    Receiving Girl,

    410 – I wish there was someway I could stop.



  418.  #418Daria on May 11, 2012 at 8:46 pm

    im not sure if being friends with my godson’s mom is good for me

    if i contact her to say happy birthday, am i reinforcing a pattern where i get abused and then take the giving role and reach out? i feel drained in the friendship for awhile

    and it might also be cuz of judgements im making on her

    i feel confused…

    and troubled.. sad? heavy minded



  419.  #419Calypso on May 11, 2012 at 8:47 pm

    Sirens – i have seen many references to a dating site: POF, My sister met her fiance on that site. I have been on eHarmony and Match.com, but i am afraid to get on a free SITE. I live in a small town and am a VP over one of our largest facilities in town – it would not be ok for me to be seen on a dating site with guys that work in my facility. Do the free sites keep people seperATE BY INCOME? That makes me sound elitist and that is not the issue, but i am a leader in a man’s world and I have to be careful of who I show my inner girl to . . .



  420.  #420Radlove on May 11, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    Daria,

    413 – Thank you. That helps. I will work on getting rid of the have to. And on embracing myself to give an ok to feeling sad. I guess i am fighting it instead of flowing with it…again.

    Receiving Girl,

    Trying to treat it like an addiction. I feel powerless. I just overeat and need love.



  421.  #421ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    @417 – Radlove – what if you were to turn your phone off and lock it up somewhere? Or if you feel the need to text him, text it to yourself.

    I understand the feeling of needing to text. I’ve been there before. I’ve been consumed by it. You need to allow your mind to be stronger than your urge. I know if you put your mind to not texting him, as much as you are to texting him, you will conquer the urge. Whenever you think about it, turn your attention elsewhere. Focus on something that doesn’t have to do with relationships (meaning no love story movies, or tv programs). My release is drawing and I can do that for hours. Or cleaning. Or gardening. Or reading a non-fiction book. Or cooking, baking, looking up new recipes online.

    There are so many things out there which can distract you. You just need to search them out and allow them to distract you. I know you can do this. I’m rooting for you!



  422.  #422ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 8:58 pm

    Another thing that helps me, Radlove, is to find my anger. R isn’t treating you well. Find your anger, realize you deserve better treatment. This always triggers me into my “I’m thru dealing with your crap” mode. I stop putting forth my effort. I put in my all and he didn’t step up to honor me. He doesn’t deserve me and I deserve better. No one should settle. Life really is too short. Find things that make you feel happy and let go of the things that make you feel miserable. You feel miserable right now. What are some things that make you feel happy? Are there places that make you feel happy?



  423.  #423ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    It’s been over 2 weeks since I stopped talking to BoatGuy. I stopped because I realized it was more important to me than it was to him. I felt angry because I knew this is how things would end up. I told him how things would end up before we even dated. He told me I was wrong. So, I gave him a chance and I wasn’t wrong. He couldn’t step up. I didn’t want to be like that forever. I wasn’t happy. I felt insecure, scared, and lonely. I still feel he is a great guy. He just has baggage he needs to release. He needs to let go of his marriage and his ex-wife. He needs to heal. I needed to let go and move on.



  424.  #424ReceivingGirl on May 11, 2012 at 9:02 pm

    I’m heading to bed…Goodnight!



  425.  #425Starla on May 11, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    i should have just asked if we can just do dinner. i said one or the other. he said dinner we can do any day of the week. that’s true but i don’t want to go to the museum, i want to chill at home all day.

    maybe i should stop being afraid of his reaction and just say we don’t have to do anything fancy or in particular – it’d still feel nice to kick it tomorrow, maybe around 5 for an hour or two… sorry if my wanting to change things seems frustrating.

    yes. do it, Starla. You already told him clearly that you’re not ready for real dating and it’s okay to not be totally strong on the outside.



  426.  #426Daria on May 11, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Starla – just change it. a date is for YOU



  427.  #427Starla on May 11, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    you’ll be glad to know i totally did, daria

    i feel so glad i did.

    wowwwwwww i showed myself a lot of love and i did it without taking his offer of a gift of a date for granted.

    omg this is huge!!! I feel on the verge of tears of joy. and a little terrified but it’s a good terrified, like the first day of school.



  428.  #428Starla on May 11, 2012 at 10:09 pm

    oops i just overfunctioned a little bit but that’s okay. i just responded to his goodnight text with “night:),” nothing major, but noticing my energy. the energy feels unworthy, like he will find me selfish if i don’t make a point to respond positively and eagerly.

    ((((((((((starla))))))))))

    you told him you weren’t dating material right now and are completely open and honest with him. you don’t have to compensate for Your Truth.

    (((((((((starla)))))))))))))

    ohhhhh, dating, how triggering. very good stuff.



  429.  #429Starla on May 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm

    ((((((((((((((((((((starla))))))))))))))))))))



  430.  #430Daria on May 11, 2012 at 10:26 pm

    thank u Daria for waxing my legs

    wow!

    i feel special you put in that effort for me ALL day

    10 hours

    thank u

    and u let me sink into my feelings of sadness

    and got off the phone before getting mean and nasty to that guy

    and said no to friend who was asking u to overfunction

    awww

    ((((Daria))))

    you’re taking such good care of me!!!



  431.  #431Daria on May 11, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    yay Starla



  432.  #432Daria on May 11, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    i got a guy comin now he should be here in 10 to 25 min



  433.  #433Starla on May 11, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Aw, I got a very very unexpected email notification that someone I know around town was promoting my website on facebook to his friends. He called my website awesome and a hidden gem on the internet!! I feel honored that someone I don’t know very closely could see my creativity like *that*.

    I feel buzzy, high, like my dreams are coming true:)



  434.  #434Starla on May 12, 2012 at 12:30 am

    i am feeling like i ought to shrink down. but really i think i’m just tired and the NV is just a signal to take care of myself and rest.



  435.  #435Radlove on May 12, 2012 at 12:43 am

    Receiving Girl,

    421-422 = Thanks, I will try (again) to do all that.



  436.  #436ulii on May 12, 2012 at 1:53 am

    WOW! Today I´m feeling really happy with myself. 🙂 I went to a run with a friend. And we run over 6 km. For me it is huge. As I have never been too much into sports, and usually hated running and would get exhausted during the very first minutes. It’s so much more motivating to go with somebody. Now it has been few times already, and I can feel myself getting more resistant and being able do run longer & longer, the breaks in between getting shorter ( I still need to do some). I feel like hugging me for it:
    (((my little running self))) 🙂



  437.  #437ulii on May 12, 2012 at 2:34 am

    RE Sarah 130 & other posts

    I feel so much identified with how you describe yourself here.

    Me too, going all scared & acting doormat or on the contrary crazy drama queen after somebody really starts to like me. And that turns around the dynamics, where I am clearly overfunctioning & the guy withdraws, rejects me & runs away from me.. After getting to know Rori’s stuff, I have been able to lean back a bit more and put some limits to the overfunctioning. But on the feeling level it’s still pretty much the same. And worse if it’s somebody I really like, of course. I get all nervous & have bodily reactions that I can not control myself. Like my heart beating like crazy.

    I don’t know if I have missed the complete story you have shared already. Could you specify a bit?



  438.  #438ulii on May 12, 2012 at 3:18 am

    RE Daria 60

    Thank you for processing about vows..

    I have felt the same as you here:

    “”It’s a way to bind a soul.

    I don’t want to be bound, I want to be free and choosing relationship and being chosen as the one every moment of it.””

    What you are saying feels like relief to me, freeing and like a way to true happiness.



  439.  #439Daria on May 12, 2012 at 3:49 am

    Starla I would like to see ur website!



  440.  #440Daria on May 12, 2012 at 3:52 am

    Back from a Fresh cd, a retake of one that pissed me off

    it went well

    shorter first CD’s feel better

    i felt awkward after the first 2 hours

    thats what feels good for me first time

    whcih means i dont wana be hi tho

    and so manytimes i DO wana be hi tho

    hmmm

    what do i want

    i want my subvoncsious mind to resolve this for me now

    mmmm

    and i healed about my bestfired
    i sent her a happy birthday text

    and said i wouldnt betray her

    and

    i feel excited for myself and now i wanna do EFT

    i realized that as i ‘mature’ and communicate that way my sis and brother weill too! inspired by me!

    maturity!

    im the older one!

    wow

    im the rolemodel



  441.  #441ulii on May 12, 2012 at 4:44 am

    The blog is so quiet…

    Seems, all the sirens are enjoying a Friday night out or sleeping long on Saturday morning or doing other important sireny stuff. Here where I am it’s already Saturday afternoon and I feel like spamming the blog a bit to get out some anxiousness.

    I have to admit to myself, I’m becoming overly obsessed with NewZealandCD. I guess mostly, because he is the only one of the CDs in my rotation with whom I could feel a possibility of big physical attraction. And I need that. I crave that. I know sometimes it’s not good to me. And I guess someone said (Daria?) that it’s about operating from the old patterns and the work is in transforming them. But I like so much his physical appearance, his face, his body shape, his height, his voice & movements. Although I have not met him in real life, I feel I can sense him right the way he is. And my body feels already thrilled. And I want to feel that with my man. I can not be happy without that.

    We have changed some long mails during the last days about getting more specific about me going there to NZ to see him. Much more deep than our chat conversations up to now. But yes, I do start to feel like I’m overfunctioning already. Because I want to go there to visit him so bad. Because I really want a big change in my life & I really want to go to a totally new place to start fresh. Also in every other area of my life. And I have fallen in love with the country so much as with the guy. And I want to see what and if would happen with him. I want to take this chance that he would provide the tickets for me to go there. I have already stated I am staying in a hotel in the beginning… And in my opinion, we are both being also realistic, as we know we can not know 100% if there would be the spark that is needed before really meeting each other. But I can not wait until next year until he has vacation to come to see me. I am free from obligations, i can go, and i want to go to a new country. Even if it wouldn’t work out with him.
    But I kind of pushed this into more serious mode, as he would not believe until now I really would agree to go there. And so his last mail was all about information and how if I really mean it (he seemed not to believe it still)..then definitely the arrangements have to be made. But he is asking me: what’s your story? what are you looking for? what future plans do you have? And I am a bit worried of how to address this. As we have been talking about this already before. He knows I’m ready for a big change in my life, he knows I want to be married and have a family in not too far future (he’s saying the same). He knows I want a man to romance me and treat me nicely and he has repeated me many-many times how well he would do it. But anyway, it seems he is a bit afraid of me now.

    And he’ll be out travelling with his ex 2 weeks. They are like buddies now. They have been FWB during last year I guess. Maybe they are still. I don’t really care yet, as we are not dating officially yet. But I know it has to end as soon as the plans are set for me to go there.

    Maybe I am totally crazy going into this. Probably I am. Men are my drug. Attention from them is my drug. And relationships have been my drug too.



  442.  #442Angela on May 12, 2012 at 5:00 am

    Calypso #419

    I joined POF about 2 weeks ago. I’ve beein receiving about 20-30 messages a day with only giving the men 1 pic of me. I barely respond tho.
    Maybe if you were to not respond to guys who don’t have pics or guys that have pics that you know.
    POF doesn’t separate by income. They separate by age, location and ethnicity.
    I’m in the same position that you are in in my workplace but I live in a big city. I’ve been off and on match and eharmony for a year now and I haven’t met/bumped into anyone from the workplace.
    But I don’t care if I do find someone from the workplace. I’d just block them from contact and keep going.
    I understand your position that you are in you just don’t want employees knowing your business and seeing you in a different light.



  443.  #443Starla on May 12, 2012 at 7:24 am

    Daria, you can find it on my facebook! 🙂 I am about to post my latest translation up there.

    I am going to create a section soon on the site so I can host guest translators. That would be so cool if you ever wanted to do a romanian song translation.



  444.  #444Ella on May 12, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Flowerchild.

    I have only just seen your post on the other thread about what happened!

    I am so sorry.

    I feel so so sad for you.

    I was crying by the end of your post.

    Sending so much love to you. I wish it can make a difference.

    I am sure that on some deeper level, beyond the material confines of this world, all those years, and all the positive transformation you created within them, is not wasted.

    I don’t know what else to say.

    Take good care of you.

    xoxoxox



  445.  #445Ella on May 12, 2012 at 7:39 am

    Mel,

    I wanted to say Thank You for your suggestions and comment on previous thread about FMs for me to use with MWC.

    You have such a way with words.

    I LOVE your FMs, especially the ones like ‘I felt shaky in my legs’ etc.

    It felt so helpful to me.



  446.  #446Ella on May 12, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Um so just an update that it all panned out ok.

    MWC did get in touch.

    And all was ok.

    I expressed what I needed to and he had been in touch with a specialist addiction counselor.

    So now I will just need to wait and see if he actually goes to the appointment.

    I am not sure what I will do if he doesn’t… some form of withdrawing I suppose, to keep me safe.

    But hopefully he will go.

    He seems to want to.

    I know I have the strength and will be ok to walk away, or withdraw if I need to.

    And it would feel great if it doesn’t come to that.

    So we will see.

    I trust me anyhow to make the best decision for me in the moment.

    And more and more I feel the importance of respecting my boundaries.



  447.  #447Ella on May 12, 2012 at 7:49 am

    So now wanting to address stopping my sugar consumption.

    This is my next challenge.

    It has been a change I have been babytepping and slipping back with for a while now…

    A bit like how I used to be with alcohol.

    And I know how crappy I feel when I do eat it… really sluggish and ick.

    And yet I love the thought of a cup of coffee and a goey piece of cake.

    And I am also working with the idea that no food is ‘bad’ or forbidden, in order to develop a more balanced and healthy relationship with food.

    So not sure how to marry this with cutting out sugar??

    Mostly I want and choose healthy food, and often I crave sugar.

    I have been doing A LOT of exercise within my job recently, and I must be burning a lot of calories, and often times in the afternoon I just want a bar of chocolate.

    I feel afraid of not having enough energy to be able to cope with the demands of my day.

    I know if I cut out sugar and so the chocolate, I am going to need something I can replace that with.

    Any thoughts, ideas, feelings Sirens??



  448.  #448Ella on May 12, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Here is a GREAT book I have found.

    I have only just started it but so far can’t put it down…

    Its called ‘Molecules of emotion’ by Candace B Pert, PhD.

    Scientifically proves the link between thoughts and emotions and our cells and body chemistry, and therefore our health.



  449.  #449Ella on May 12, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Urgh…

    I hate admitting this.

    And I felt that ucky, ucky jealousy feeling again.

    About a female work colleague.

    Not the Chef, but anothe work colleague who I felt threatened by/jealous of before, right at the beginning of this relationship.

    And I expressed that jealousy and felt kinda icky, and then the feeling went away and it all faded, until last night when MWC came back and showed me pics of him at work, and they were messing about, and had found a chef jacket belonging to one of the other chef’s who is rather on the large side, and him and her had both got into it.

    And it triggered that jealousy feeling right back. Just like before.

    Hmmm, but maybe not as strong?

    But I still felt icky.

    It just felt yucky seeing him all pressed up to another female so close…

    🙁

    And I immediately felt ‘stiff’ and unfun… and not part of the game.

    Not part of the gang… which also triggers old stuff for me.

    And then next pic was of him and her and that other chef (the one who I have had massive issues with) all in the jacket.

    Urgh.

    But I just didn’t feel like I could say anything this time cus I feel like I am ‘always complaining’ although MWC has not said this… it is a voice in my head.

    I feel so heavy sometimes with all this feeling my feelings…

    Although I do laugh and joke with people inc MWC too.

    I just feel so left out sometimes.

    But I wasn’t even there.

    And I want him to have fun.

    My logical voice tells me not to mind, it is no big deal… and my feelings tell me ‘uck, that feels kinda bad’.

    But I know he loves me and was not doing it to upset me.

    Plus I know that he will encounter other females in his day to day life and that can actually help bring him closer to me.

    I don’t know whether I will express about this one or not… maybe if it comes up I will just say something like ‘oh hon I felt kinda jealous seeing you all pressed up to another woman! It feels so good to have you pressed up to me and I don’t want to share’

    But only really if it comes up.

    Other than that I feel ok at work at the moment.



  450.  #450ReceivingGirl on May 12, 2012 at 8:14 am

    @435 Radlove – just take baby steps…it will work for you little by little. 🙂



  451.  #451ulii on May 12, 2012 at 8:14 am

    RE 447 Ella

    For me dates & figs are the thing to replace chocolate, at least ..eating them I feel I meet the need of “something sweet” that I do have in my body quite often.



  452.  #452Ella on May 12, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Ulii,

    Thank You.

    I will try them…



  453.  #453ReceivingGirl on May 12, 2012 at 8:16 am

    @437 Ulii and Sarah

    I can relate too. I have this thing when I get really nervous, my chest breaks out in hives. It’s awful!



  454.  #454Ella on May 12, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Sirens,

    Any ideas for me for getting busy in my life and being out, having fun, without spending any money (I don’t have any spare right now – am getting myself straightened out of a debt hole) or actual dating?

    I would love to fill my life with fun things and just get stuck for ideas… without money.

    Some things feel very dull and boring to me… And a lot of my friends frequent the pub… which I don;t want to do so much anymore.

    I think I am way to available to MWC atm and would love to ramp up my own life and feel more fulfilled in this.

    I LOVE my work but don’t want to work all the time as this eventually becomes stressful feeling.

    Any suggestions appreciatively received

    🙂



  455.  #455Starla on May 12, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Ella, I made a list of things/dates to do under $5 (US). Want me to send it to you? Maybe it will inspire you.



  456.  #456T-Girl on May 12, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Ella, I have a hard time with jealousy too. They are replaying a speaker on how to overcome jealousy at the Love on Purpose Revolution right now.

    http://www.loveonpurposerevolution.com/



  457.  #457Starla on May 12, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Ella, I fb’d you the list in case you want it, i better get up and feed myself, omg team eat something already



  458.  #458ReceivingGirl on May 12, 2012 at 8:37 am

    @447 Ella

    What if you cut out sugar, but allow yourself some dark chocolate in the afternoon. Dark chocolate it healthy for you too. I cut out sugar last October, but I still allow dark chocolate. Although, this past couple of weeks, I’ve been eating more sugar and I need to curb that again. There is an awesome organic dark chocolate with currants and hazelnuts. I think it’s made by Black & Green or something like that. It’s the most delicious dark chocolate I’ve ever had. Just 2 little squares is enough for me.



  459.  #459Ella on May 12, 2012 at 8:39 am

    Wow Girls.

    Thank you so much!

    You are all amazing.

    🙂

    Feeling very happy Ella with lost of practical suggestions to try!



  460.  #460Ella on May 12, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Yes… dark chocolate can work for me…

    Maybe along with some dates and figs…



  461.  #461Sassy on May 12, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Just how does one find the strength, courage and conviction to walk away?



  462.  #462ReceivingGirl on May 12, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Feeling extremely sore today from all the yard work yesterday. Every muscle in my body hurts!

    I feel annoyed & irritated. My cell phone service is lousy at my home and it’s my only phone. I switched carriers to save $45/mo. Service was ok during the 30 day trial period, but now I keep dropping calls and cutting out. My dad has been telling me to sign up for Skype for a couple months now, but I feel it’s just a pain in the arse to have to call someone to tell them to do Skype. I also don’t care to be on video.

    So, this morning I signed up for Google Voice. It’s free, I can call people from my computer without have to jump through hoops. I was also going to get Skype just to stop hearing about it from my dad EVERY time he talks to me. My dad is a huge Google hater, so my mom just called to say, “Dad says he will not use Google ANYTHING!!” I said, he doesn’t have to. He’s yelling in the background all about Skype and how he keeps telling me yadda, yadda, yadda. Then, says you can’t video with Google, to which I replied, yes I can! I said, I can just call your phone directly from my computer. Now, I don’t even want to get Skype cause he just irritates the h3ll out of me with it. I just want him to leave me the F alone.

    I was on the phone earlier with my mom and I told her how I was going to make some homemade oreos for my party. She says, “isn’t it easier just to buy Oreos?” In her “what a stupid idea that is” voice. I said, but these are homemade and will be better. She said, “don’t you have enough things to do? Well, IDK, I guess maybe you will find it fun doing that. Whatever.”

    Why can’t she just ever say, “oh, that sounds good.” or “that is nice.” Ugh!



  463.  #463Starla on May 12, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Receiving girl, I think your mom is defending what her preference would be or how she would do things, and kind of making you wrong in the process, because she is defensive herself of her own self esteem. Does that make sense? When she hears your going to do something that would make her personally cringe (cuz she wouldn’t want to bake oreos if she could just buy them at the store, she would just cringe at having to make all those little damn oreos), to her psyche it somehow equals her preferences being questioned, result in her defending them in this way.

    This is your mom’s own way of being on eggshells, constantly internally defending herself and it manifests like how she talks to you about some cookies you want to make, probably cuz your dad sounds even worse than her at saying his way is the best way, so she’s developed a pretty defensive personality that manifests itself/transfers to you in this manner.

    I sure hope this is making some sense!

    It is really irritating when our grown-ass parents don’t take some responsibility and control over their triggers and defenses, and treat us like we’re not good enough as a by-product. Thinking about this reinforced my new-found intention to love myself and my loved ones enough to take responsibility for anything in me for which a by-product is them feeling not good enough in our relationship.



  464.  #464Starla on May 12, 2012 at 9:27 am

    gingersky, lucy, sweetpea, to name a few
    i hope everyone’s doing great:)



  465.  #465Starla on May 12, 2012 at 9:34 am

    My period is a week late
    I feel lethargic, and maybe depressed?
    But also like I NEED to be resting like this.

    I think I judge my body for needing rest and I interpret that feeling as depression.



  466.  #466ReceivingGirl on May 12, 2012 at 9:45 am

    @463 Starla

    Thanks. Yes, you are making sense. My mom has very low self-esteem, my dad has very high self-esteem and thinks he’s always right and perfect (probably narcissistic), and she thinks he’s always right and perfect too (at least that’s what she says).

    My mom has never been suzy homemaker. Baking & crafts were for at Grandma’s house. Now, she has a new grandbaby (1st one) and she feels she won’t be a good grandma because she doesn’t do those kinds of things that Grandma’s do.

    I would never expect her to do this or want to do this. However, I am & I do. I do these kinds of things all the time. I enjoy it and I feel my homemade oreos would 1) be healthier than processed store bought oreos & 2) probably taste better. My friends will enjoy them and I will feel good.

    My mom doesn’t care about eating healthy. She makes faces, comments and thinks I’m weird for eating peanut butter on brown rice cakes. If I told her I eat quinoa, she would again give me that look of me being an alien.

    I feel exhausted from constantly being judged and told what to do. I can’t ever just have a nice visit or conversation with my parents. I dread seeing them and talking to them.



  467.  #467Lizka on May 12, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Hi ladies!

    I’m feeling sick today and last night too and because I felt lonely and sick, I leaned forward a little too much with MOdelCD and ATW…

    But ATW is different now. Thursday night, he texted me “sweet dreams”, I wanted to reply in the morning but I forgot, and he ended texting me “Have a good day Kitten”. So after work, I had a BBQ at home with a few friends, and I called him to invite him over. He said he already had plans but proposed something for today, but couldn’t confirm. I’m disappointed that he couldn’t make it official but at least we are a lot of steps forward with all the good night and good day messages and the unofficial invitation. I prefers to focus on this than on my disappointment. We are going in the good direction I think. Slowly but we’re in the right direction.

    He’s suppose to call me to see me today. I’m not sure he will, but if he doesn’t it’s ok because I’m sick and I think it would be a good thing to stay home, take care of me and rest. I don’t want to get super sick because it’s the marathon in 2 weeks and I need to train…



  468.  #468Starla on May 12, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Lizka, what if you flipped the priority of your unconfirmed plans and of your being sick around, where you put YOU first?

    So instead of – “it’s okay if he blows me off, because actually I’m sick and need to rest”

    How about – “Actually I am sick and need to rest, so I am going to text him that ‘I know we talked about getting together today but I’ve been feeling sick and want more rest. What do you think?'”

    Then he can say not to get together, or suggest to come over to relax and rest with you, or any of that. So he is leading and you are taking care of you no matter what, not waiting on him and not making him wrong for waiting on him.



  469.  #469FlowerChild77 on May 12, 2012 at 10:18 am

    Thank you Ella…I am overwhelmed by the love and support coming from the blog, here, and all the Sirens who responded to me.

    I always associate coffee with something sweet (also cuz I LOVE that flavored creamer.) I replaced my morning coffee with Oolong tea—Bigelow is the best tasting brand I’ve found. It’s an acquired taste, for sure, but now I love it. It’s supposed to help your metabolism.

    Except for that one cup in the morning, all I drink is de-caf and/or herbal teas and lots of water. Maybe that will help with your sugar craving? Also RG’s suggestion about a little dark chocolate.



  470.  #470Starla on May 12, 2012 at 10:37 am

    If I had an issue with sugar cravings, I would eat fresh fruit, almost like my daily inoculation against refined sugar cravings before they can happen.



  471.  #471Starla on May 12, 2012 at 10:38 am

    #470, basically i would make it a “duty” to eat an orange or something every day before the sugar cravings can even hit.



  472.  #472FlowerChild77 on May 12, 2012 at 10:46 am

    #461/Sassy This probably sounds crazy, as I am sick with grief now—but what helped me do the walk-away summer before last—was Rori and what she teaches.

    No arguing, no anger, no bitterness—just an attitude of, “Thanks for letting me know” [that this isn’t what I want/need and if we can’t work on it, I need to take care of me.] I did the ‘I don’t want to be a life-long girlfriend’ speech and used FMs about what I wanted/didn’t want. (After 11 years, I was not ok with the status quo.)

    He cried like a baby—but wouldn’t say anything. We still saw each other often and he called me a lot. He was very nervous any time we were together. He admitted he was scared to death he’d lost me forever. (I didn’t respond to that—but deep inside I knew I couldn’t date or see anyone else–I was still deeply in love with him.)

    It didn’t take long for him to admit that being without me, “humbled him” (his words) and made him realize what a good life we had together and how much he loved me. After about 6 months he was asking what he could do, how we could make this work, IF we could make it work….and please, please, please don’t leave him for good.

    I left it up to him and we were able to start over from scratch. Even though he was borderline ‘difficult/clueless’ in Rori’s Toxic Men program, using FMs worked like magic. I changed—-and how he responded to me changed.

    What really gave me the strength, courage and conviction to walk away was knowing that staying wasn’t working….that there was NO chance of fixing anything or making it better or getting what I wanted and needed unless I did the walk-away.



  473.  #473Starla on May 12, 2012 at 10:54 am

    i’ve had a few guys call the feeling things I say “insinuations.” I don’t want to be confusing and insinuating.



  474.  #474Radlove on May 12, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Receiving Girl,

    Thanks for all the ideas and encouragement!

    One of my hangups is communication. In order to not text R, I seek out communication like a parched person in the desert. So that takes the form of lots of phone calls, texts to other friends, and internet contact.

    This is kinda embarrassing, but sometimes I carry around my phone like a friend. I cradle it in my hand. It gives me comfort. I am really, seriously lonely. And now I feel vulnerable. I have few local friends who are close.



  475.  #475Daria on May 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

    Radlove – my phone gives me comfort too!

    I def feel comforted holding it in my hand, and used to feel uncomfortable not. My friend and I called it phone anxiety



  476.  #476Starla on May 12, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Radlove, it might take longer than you like, but if you stay committed to not leaning forward to R, your neediness will pass. You have this blog to vent endlessly and process about him, so don’t worry too much about bringing this to your friends so you can get support. they have probably been hearing about R drama for a long time and have done their part pretty extensively, if you know what I mean. Imagine how great you’ll feel in 6 months when your friends start to notice that, actually, you haven’t talked about R in a long long time, and you get to tell them, “oh yeah, I left that all behind me.” Woah, big shift.



  477.  #477Starla on May 12, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I get phone anxiety, too, though I wonder if my body and brain actually are addicted to the microwaves.



  478.  #478Daria on May 12, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Ulii – I’m meeting many men to where I actually meet ones that turn me on (mr desire from Targetting Mr Right) pretty frequently.

    So the urge to hold on to One Man has lessened, cux I know they’ll be more. And, I’ve noticed how these Mr Desires don’t necessarily have the best intentions or treatment of me.

    Rori says we can Create Attraction… That that thrilled feeling comes from us, and unlike men, we choose wat turns us on (by opening our heart in front of someone, we get the thrills). I’ve experienced a touch of that before too (feel scared of intimacy to really full power on this).

    The result is that I’m now more attractive to the Mr Desirables, and I can treat them like regular men! Yay so far!

    And… I’m more attract-Ed to the other types now, I can look at them in the eye and let them touch me… And I can treat Them like regular men too!

    Yay!



  479.  #479Radlove on May 12, 2012 at 11:13 am

    This feels embarrassing too, but what I need to heal is this thing from childhood….

    I felt ignored and rejected a lot by my two older brothers when I was growing up. I developed this unhealthy habit of acting obnoxious when they were mean to me.

    I feel half horrified at my behavior that I tend to do the same thing with R. I don’t know how to heal it. I mean, just telling me “stop doing that!” isn’t going to heal it. I want to just quit annoying him, but it gives me some level of pleasure and I”m not sure why.