Asking For Help – Positive Or Negative?

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As women – we can’t seem to say what we feel and what we mean without feeling like we have to backtrack the moment we make someone else unhappy.

This is your “sorry.”

Get rid of “sorry” and say “I feel bad.”  “I feel guilty.”

This is the Words part of all this that makes a huge difference, and this is what I mean by ORGANIC.

We’re talking authenticity here.  We’re talking truth.

Now – we need to talk more about WORDS, and how the words we use are either out of our masculine selves or our feminine selves, and this judging thing – how it works.

If you are judging another – you’re judging yourself.  Period.

If you’re feeling judged – you’re judging. Period.  That’s how it works.

So – What Is Judging?

Let’s make it simple: Judging requires the use of your brain.

It’s a masculine energy experience.

It’s taking an uncomfortable FEELING – and out of a need to control, or do something with that feeling other than FEEL it – we go to judging that feeling, or that person who’s feeling that feeling that’s triggering us…it’s all a circle of control.

It’s a way of resisting FEELING.

So much of what we do to ourselves is about resistance – that’s where all the pain is – and that’s why I encourage you to let your feelings flow here – not as downers, but as part of the path you have to travel.

Here’s where the Rori Raye Mantra works with “Be Surprised.”

Let’s add a helpful thing:  Curiosity.

I talk about this all the time, and the Trauma Therapy I recommend with Emily Van Horn – it’s all about curiosity.

About touching the deepest, darkest, most frightening places in ourselves – and instead of succumbing to judging the feelings, or running from them by numbing out, you just get “curious”!

That’s all you have to do – get curious about your sensations and feelings – they are not the end result!

Feelings are like fuel.  Like gas in the car of your life.

Also they’re the rudder of your ship – they’re the compass, the direction finder.

Try to see the FLOW of all this…see how we bounce around from feeling to feeling to thought to thought.

What we’re trying to do here is INTERRUPT the OLD PATTERN, and build a completely new process for ourselves.

An organic process that will become automatic as you practice it.

This is a lifelong practice.  Start now.

You fabulous ladies are ahead of the game right now.

Keep going, and don’t allow yourselves to worry about the impact you have on anyone else.

Strive for truth – YOUR truth – and stay away from advising anyone and getting into your brains.

That’s where we all run into trouble.

Just talk about how your feelings are moving around, how you’re getting triggered – and if you get triggered in a negative way – that’s the time to process through it, and then get to a channeling moment.

I want this blog to be all positive and uplifting – but when you’re sad, I want you to say you’re sad.  Let others know you need help.

And if you hear someone ask for help because she’s sad – say how sad you were and now you’re feeling better and so will she!

Share what YOU did, instead of telling her what to do – and we’ll all stay in our feminine and get the most out of this support group we can.

I want new women to come here – and I want them to feel free to tell us all we’re brilliant and fabulous, or to tell us all we suck.

That’s the only way we’re going to approximate the real world and continue to lift each other up no matter WHAT.

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Calypso on April 16, 2012 at 6:11 am

    Thank you, Rori!

    I try to do this when I start feeling sad – I try to give myself a minute to be curious about what has triggered me (If I don’t already know) and then I work on releasing the feelings to the Universe. Yesterday was a funky day for me. I could not shake my sad feelings and so I went outside to water my plants. I then spent an hour just watering my grass with a hose . . . my son’s know this is a sign that Mom is getting some much needed personal therapy time . . .

  2.  #2Daria on April 16, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Calypso – I also get curious about my feelings themselves, not always what I think triggered me (I do get curious about that when it comes up too!)… and that really works for me too like the Rori body riffing…

    I get curious about how my feeling is feeling in my body and whether its moving or staying still and what it might look like

    I feel inspired to do this more now!

  3.  #3Daria on April 16, 2012 at 6:39 am

    I feel more empowered having options… I actually do feel VERY curious and delighted to have images and insights about past triggers and traumas, and I also imagine I might feel stuck if I didnt have the body riffing to set me up for that… I practiced that body riffing for years and I felt empowered… it was THE FIRST EVER THING I EVER DID THAT ACTUALLY **CHANGED!!!** HOW I FELT IN THE MOMENT

    it really takes me from sad to happy and it lasts even in horrible feeling things that i feel totally stuck with!

    wow Daria that feels wow to write hehe i really feel curious about doing more body riffing now

  4.  #4T-Girl on April 16, 2012 at 7:03 am

    I need to ponder this: if you are feeling judged then you are judging.

  5.  #5Starla on April 16, 2012 at 7:03 am

    oh ladies, someone emailed me saying they hacked my account and have nude pictures of me, and if i don’t send them more pictures of myself, they will send them to my whole contacts list! I would take it as a bluff but this recently happened to my friend and i did, in fact, receive his photos. i don’t know what to do. i have 700+ contacts in there, most of them business.

    they also threatened me if i tell anyone.

    if anyone gets something from me in an email, please let me know here.

  6.  #6Calypso on April 16, 2012 at 7:07 am

    Daria – I never thought about being curious about how my feelings felt . . . yesterday i think they felt like I wanted to rip someone’s heart out with a spoon . . . lol – Ok, I’m still not focusing on how they “Felt” . . . gonna need to practice that some more. They felt icky and clingy and heavy – like I had swallowed an old wet dog blanket!

  7.  #7Mochaberri on April 16, 2012 at 7:13 am

    So – What Is Judging?
    Let’s make it simple: Judging requires the use of your brain.

    It’s a masculine energy experience.

    It’s taking an uncomfortable FEELING – and out of a need to control, or do something with that feeling other than FEEL it – we go to judging that feeling, or that person who’s feeling that feeling that’s triggering us…it’s all a circle of control.

    It’s a way of resisting FEELING.

    I got it now!!!!!!!!!!!

  8.  #8Calypso on April 16, 2012 at 7:18 am

    Starla!!! Wow! That is horrible! I would go to the police if it was me. I feel outraged on your behalf!

  9.  #9Starla on April 16, 2012 at 7:21 am

    i am going to go to the police.

  10.  #10Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 7:21 am


    RE: #983 on the last thread, about your Mom. I feel your pain. I can relate in many ways. My Mom did her best, but she has told me she directly she was jealous of me because my Dad loved me more than he did her. And she tried to protect me from the world by oversheltering me. She meant well, but it left me missing so many rites of passage as I grew, and so clueless about how to live adult life.

    She has always made me feel guilty for doing anything for myself, and she tried to make me feel guilty all week while she was here. I FELT the tension every time I came in my room to use the computer or watch TV, even if I invited her to join me. She was not going to let me feel at ease unless I was focused on her every moment she was here.

    If I did something else, she sighed or cried or mumbled criticisms under her breath to show her disapproval the entire time. It all felt really bad.

    I think I can love her more effectively from a safe distance. I need my quiet, peaceful, joyful home to stay that way.

    My heart goes out to you, and I hope and pray you find deeper and deeper healing and peace as you mother your own tender child now in adulthood.

  11.  #11Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 7:26 am


    In my state, there is a specific cop who handles internet crime. Most definitely tell the cops. So sorry this happened to you!!

  12.  #12Femininewoman on April 16, 2012 at 7:26 am

    Starla I feel outraged and helpless reading your comment about the hacking. Whenever I read stories like that I love my old fashioned self even more. I hope the cops can do something about it. I am also wondering if the site that hosts your emails has a “security” area that could track the intruder down.

  13.  #13GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 7:28 am


    How would they have nude photos of you? That’s unsettling.

  14.  #14GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 7:31 am

    I’m just starting to try and not use my brain so much and accept myself and my feeling. I do tend to judge and I want to stop and be more authentic.

  15.  #15GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I had a lovely dream about Boat Guy last night and I woke up feeling all happy and really missing him.

    So, I text him, “U were in my dreams last night. I feel all warm & fuzzy.”

    He replied, “U funny. Warm and fussy.”

    Now, he doesn’t always spell correctly, so I’m not sure if he changed fuzzy to fussy on purpose or if it’s just his spelling.

  16.  #16light heart on April 16, 2012 at 7:44 am

    Daria 1041 from last thread
    “That’s why its better not to get into these convenient for men exclusive situations, and instead remain open for the men who want and WILL pursue you because they KNOW they want YOU … FOREVER… and they are willing to do WHATEVER IT TAKES to have you.”

    thanks for your reply, great reminder and way of putting it.

    Yes, It IS better for me not to get into these situations, because, for one thing,
    if they don’t know if they want me forever, then I don’t know if I want them forever, because that is a requirement of mine for exclusivity. so I want to keep my options open makes a lot of sense to me, since I choose to use my time wisely.

    light heart

  17.  #17Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 7:44 am

    I feel happy…I feel welcomed when Rory writes ”I want new women to come here”… I sometimes feel guilty and-or selfish ask for help on the blog because I dont feel like an ”active siren” on here …
    But all those articles and commentary are having such a wonderfull impact on my life write now, way behond the male-female relashionship issue…I feel stronger and brave…I feel empowered…

    I can share that the tools are working for me…
    I’m soooo impressed with there simplicity ….yet it is so hard to just BE…. simple…true…sincere…direct…and sharing from your heart….I have been experiencing being like that with a new man in my life…a men I would have never have the courage to date before since I would have thaught he was ”out of my league”…Yet every day I’m astonished and surprised when I see he’s still there…wanths MORE and is completely ”into me”

    I feel so ”girl next door meets superman” !
    I have been ”fearless and brave” sharing how I feel with him all the way…sometimes I think ”ho my good!! how can I have the guts to say someting like this to a men like that !!…but then I remember that I am FIRST COMMITED TO ME ! and I am doing it out of love and respect for myself FIRST…and it always brings him closer…like magic….

    I still have some ”nice doormat” in me…its like incrusted in my cells…I can feel right away the change in him when my doormat acts …nothing bad … I feel if I stayed like that he would not mind it..part of him would LIKE it…but not the GOOD part of him…not the part I wanth to FEED…

    I feel completely responcable for my relashionships (in general) now…I feel there is no more room for victimism…I GET IT and I feel FREE….

    Wings of juicy, positive power opening up…setting me free…

    And thats the scariest part for me : the POWER part…I have a love-hate relashionship with it…
    having power is a delicate thing…abusing power is an ugly thing…handling power with true love and compassion is a wise persons thing…I feel scared of not using my power wisely…I wanth to feel powerfull yet beautyfull…no feelings of yuky-ugly power abuse for me nop….

    I feel this is all a wonderfull, great learning experience for me…life is fun when you learn, make changes and grow !

    P.S : spelling awfull…I am french…

  18.  #18light heart on April 16, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I feel happy reading this article this morning and feel excited about focusing on interrupting judging masculine controlling patterns and building an organic process using surrender speak, that will soon become automatic!

    I also feel a little nervous that it will be difficult to do especially when put on the spot, or especially triggered, but I love myself completely and unconditionally anyway. I feel welcoming of success!

    light heart

  19.  #19Iamabutterfly on April 16, 2012 at 7:58 am

    Thanks for this post, Rori. I feel curious about the things discussed here. I love feeling my feelings, even the ones that don’t feel good. As I explore my feelings, I feel wiser and more enlightened.

    and @ 17 Rachel R. – I feel connected to you about the power thing! When I realize my power and feel my power, it feels scary. I don’t want to abuse it, but I want to channel it and use it for good. Use it to realize my full potential and to be everything that I am…!

  20.  #20Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 8:15 am

    @ 19 lamabutterfly…

    Yes…”Use it to realize my full potential and to be everything that I am…! ”….I feel like that also…!

    Rory’s tools are VERY ”powerfull” and they scared me at first…I felt like ”wow…this can not be for good use…”
    then I realised I was seeing and touching someting inside MYSELF…thath I have that part in me that could ”abuse it”….that I have free will and its up to me to choose how I use it….
    Then I felt really light and at peace with it…
    I LOVE Rory’s work…

    sirens are wonderfull…and powerfull…. and they can choose to be beautyfully powerfull 😉

  21.  #21GingerSky on April 16, 2012 at 8:19 am

    Rori, this is right in line w part of what we`re doing in my intentional community, & what I never even heard of till the past 2 years w NSM. I still am barely learning & need lots of help & coaching. Also one word I use for some of the judgements is “characterizing”… NSM used to characterize me & speak for my feelings for me without giving me an opening to do it, & he said it was my energy coming back at me. Regardless of his (well-intentioned) monomania or whatever, I realied he was right, I was constantly characterizing & categorizing my feelings instead of feeling & experiencing & letting them breathe! I`m want to copy your post here & include it in our on-site library/notebook materials w credit/citations if that`s okay.

  22.  #22Healing Waterfall on April 16, 2012 at 8:21 am

    I posted these response to you lovely sirens on the last thread….

    Hey Daria and Giving Girl
    Thanks for your feedback….i am glad it made you laugh and i am feeling better that i was not too lean forwardy….

    I am going to get on my bike in my bike shorts and look hot and ride by his office on my bike…

    Tomorrow i hope i have a date with a new guy from match….

    thanks so much for commenting on my text and i feel less like i was overfunctioning….i just really want the guys to come toward me like that waterwheel….

    it really felt so good that he texted me first….

    this other guy wants us to meet at a town halfway distance between us both, but the only way i can make it tomorrow is if he drives all the way to meet me….so i said that, i would love to meet him, but i had to be at work at 9:30 where i live, so could we meet then?

    thanks for helping me navigate these male female interactions, i just want to build the intruige and the chase and not be too available…

    Monday, 16 April 2012 @ 8:02am
    1123: Healing WaterfallNo Gravatar says:

    oh, memulo, you helped me feel much more confident, that i am learning to be different in my interactions, i guess this means i am valuing myself more!

    giving girl
    female competition energy is huge and it is so hard when we encounter it in our own mothers….this means to me of course that i must want to work on being comfortable shining in my own skin in this lifetime if i manifested a mother who is jealous of me…..

    I HATE IT when i look pretty and i feel another woman feeling less than me…..and my previous modus operandi was to dress like a tomboy and not be threatening….

    but that’s not good, i want to feel sexy and beautiful too.

    love to my mom, love to your mom, i feel compassion that they were not getting the love and admiration they deserved and needed from themselves and their husbands….may all women be healed and feel loved and honored and treasured…

    i am going to go ride my bike in my hot little bike shorts by his office and i hope he gets a hard on!

    ha ha

    Monday, 16 April 2012 @ 8:16am

  23.  #23Lucy on April 16, 2012 at 8:29 am

    I feel confused abt the “don’t say sorry” in the article. So if he says he feels bad about something (maybe even something we did/said) we shouldn’t say “Sorry it feels bad”? What if we don’t actually feel guilty or bad, but just want to express that we care that he feels bad. Hmm, say “I care that it feels bad”? Oh, I so want to automatically add sorry! “I care that it feels bad. Sorry.” :/

  24.  #24light heart on April 16, 2012 at 8:29 am

    17 RachelR

    I feel so delighted to hear and see you and that you shared that the tools are working for you!

    “I’m soooo impressed with there simplicity ….yet it is so hard to just BE…. simple…true…sincere…direct…and sharing from your heart…”


    I know, it feels hard to just BE, sometimes it is because the little kid in there still believes she needs to wear different kinds of masks in order to get the love and approval she believes she needs in order to survive!

    But if I truly have my own solid love and approval, I can just be who I am, moment to moment, because I am not trying to get that from a man, what I want is the beautiful, delicious relationship based on authenticity, where we fall in-TO, love…together!

    About abusing power….that is called force, as in forcing something to happen, and that’s not at all what just being who we are without attaching to outcome is….

    light heart

  25.  #25Healing Waterfall on April 16, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Hi Rori and everybody
    I feel really grateful for your intentions for the blog Rori.
    i really really am going to feel into the giving advice thing and the judging thing…

    i so want to express my feminine self and let that male energy come to me…

    when i write that i feel all tingly in my genitals and my heart just opens up like a flower….

    thanks so much for saying that….

    but is it giving advice when someone asks for feedback and clarification about the leaning back and overfunctioning…..for those of us who have been in masculine energy and overfunctioners for years, it truly is babystepping and it feels so useful for me to pick apart conversations and interactions….

    bye off to ride my bike….

    how do i ride my bike in feminine mode….i just get so excited and pedal those pedals hard …..maybe just really feel the sun on my face and feel the wind in my ears and drink in all the colors…

  26.  #26April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Hello Rachel R,

    Thanks for bringing up power. Power is something I feel a fascination for, I feel very turned on by a powerful look in a man’s eyes.
    My own sense of personal power goes up and down and sometimes disappears.

  27.  #27Starla on April 16, 2012 at 8:37 am

    i feel sick. now i have to warn everyone, including all my business contacts, and CF. sigh.

  28.  #28April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 8:37 am

    I too feel outraged and violated that this is happening to you. It feels awful. I hope they get found and strung up by their giblets.

  29.  #29April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 8:48 am

    I woke up feeling happy for the first time in ages.

    I woke up and felt joy upon seeing a man’s face in my mind’s eye (now, Rori, is that thinking? Or feeling?)

    I felt happy about my romantic and sexual feelings towards the man, EM (man in the woods).

    I have to force myself to feel bad and guilty on account of WM (man that I’m living with). I have genuine twinges of feeling bad, based on judging myself as being wicked/cheating.

  30.  #30GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 8:48 am

    @18 light heart

    I, too, feel worried that in an instant I won’t remember how I want to communicate. It is hard to not control and not use my brain! LOL I’m seriously trying though.

  31.  #31Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 8:52 am

    @ light heart …I fell really touched ….
    I could quote your whole comment…
    … more inspiration to stay true to myself…

    @April rose…ya I feel you..mostly the look in the eyes part…very dangerous for me …I feel I wanth to get away from that, I feel I wath to choose and experience LOVE…and look for kindness in a mans eyes 😉

  32.  #32Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 8:55 am

    lol @ 25

    ”how do i ride my bike in feminine mode….i just get so excited and pedal those pedals hard …..maybe just really feel the sun on my face and feel the wind in my ears and drink in all the colors…”

  33.  #33April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 8:55 am

    I want to get closer to authenticity.
    I’m struggling to feel open and warm towards WM, when all I want to do is spend time with EM.

    I’m feeling out of my power.
    When I was in my power I told WM that I was doing dating because I wanted to enjoy myself. I felt happy going on dates.

    I’m back to not doing dating. How did I let that happen?
    It was when I told WM that I’d cuddled EM. He said he felt insulted. He said he’d given himself and his life to me.
    I feel bad telling you that. I’m judging myself as an ungrateful brat. An ungrateful brat who wants to have her cake and eat it.
    Why shouldn’t I?
    I want my cake. I want all the cake I want, and I want to feel proud to declare it.

  34.  #34Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 8:56 am


    I feel confused about sorry vs I feel bad, too, because Rori recently had an article about the value of saying I’m sorry. Hmmm.

  35.  #35April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Rachel R
    I feel uneasy. I love dangerous men. I feel ashamed, coz I want you and I to agree.
    I feel bad because I already have a man with kind eyes but I crave the company of the man with the dangerous eyes.
    He has a very kind side, by the way.

  36.  #36light heart on April 16, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Giving Girl @30

    I feel glad to hear you’re seriously trying ! I need this support group!

    know what you mean about being difficult not to use brain and control, I am an intelligent lady. I feel encouraged that it is getting better for me, mostly because it feels so good NOT to analyze, opinionate, go toe to toe, etc. When I do that, I feel like there’s less air in my body, more constriction.

    I’m feeling less worried about not remembering how to communicate, because it’s not like I need to scramble around in the moment to construct a good feeling message, all I have to do is sink down into how I really feel, breathe, get my bearings, and choose words to match that.

    I fully intend to stick with it! How about you ?

    light heart

  37.  #37GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 9:03 am

    @22 HW

    Thank you. My Mom definitely doesn’t love herself and my dad loves her so much. She has bouts of depression and he tells her not to talk like that, but it doesn’t matter what he says or what he does, she does not feel confident in herself. She feels like she has a man’s neck because it’s very thick, she doesn’t like her figure, her eyelids, her hair, her feet, etc. Her self-esteem is very low and she likes to throw temper tantrums often.

    She suffered from migraines during my childhood, so she was often crabby and horizontal on the couch. We were constantly shushed, lots of negativity, lots of judgment, yet we had to be the perfect family to the outside world, kids should be seen and not heard, we weren’t trusted & still aren’t.

    Sometimes I felt like my parents had kids so we could serve them. I followed all the rules, so it’s not like I was a bad kid. I was better than most because I wanted my parents to love me. I basically felt like the black sheep and hid in my bedroom behind a locked door.

    I never heard my parents tell me they loved me until I was an adult and when they said it, I didn’t know what to do with that. Lately, my dad has started giving me hugs when I come and go and it feels very uncomfortable for me.

    I guess this explains why it’s so hard for me to feel my feelings since I always just stuffed them down. I never cried as a kid either. It’s about time I work through this and move past it. I’m just not really sure how to do that.

  38.  #38lk on April 16, 2012 at 9:05 am

    wow i’m really noticing how much i do ” expect ” my Partner to Carry Me When I’m Sad – & that’s unfair, because in my sadness, i endow myself with infinite density & i cannot be lifted ! so i give my Partner an impossible task & punish them for failing : (

    (((lk))) i can take care of myself : ) love to me : )

  39.  #39April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 9:10 am

    Lucy and Radlove,

    I think what Rori is highlighting here is when we apologise for a feeling statement, which we perceive has upset someone. Saying sorry takes the juice out of our feeling message, and makes us small and unconfident.

    It’s different to apologising for an action or a behaviour.

  40.  #40Femininewoman on April 16, 2012 at 9:10 am

    RadLove/Lucy – as it is all just practice I feel open to experimenting with choosing to just say how I feel without saying sorry as well as choosing to say it when I sense I did something wrong. I feel okay with each choice as I get to pay more attention to my feelings and what I create when I use either choice.

  41.  #41Iamabutterfly on April 16, 2012 at 9:11 am

    @22 Healing Waterfall – I feel so curious about the jealousy of mothers for their daughters. I’d imagine they envy their youth and opportunities, but are failing to appreciate their own wisdom and life experience.

    I feel so curious about how we, as women, can shine as everything we are without feeling jealous of each other?

    I find that when I’m secure in myself, I can say and do and be and feel anything. That I don’t feel threatened by other women, and usually, I feel warm towards other women, which melts their jealousy towards me…

    that we could all shine without feeling jealous…that would feel so empowering…!

  42.  #42Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 9:13 am

    @ April Rose…
    I feel all teary in my eyes…I also looove the dangerous men …I will NOT choose him anymore…I will choose simplicity and kindness over passion and fire….because It FEELS better to me and I feel it is better for my SOUL…

    I will keep being vigilant and honest with myself about wath I consider being ” kind” to make sure it is not comfort and lazyness keeping me there… I will choose wich makes me grow be and do better…

  43.  #43Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 9:13 am

    @ April Rose…
    I feel all teary in my eyes…I also looove the dangerous men …I will NOT choose him anymore…I will choose simplicity and kindness over passion and fire….because It FEELS better to me and I feel it is better for my SOUL…

    I will keep being vigilant and honest with myself about wath I consider being ” kind” to make sure it is not comfort and lazyness keeping me there… I will choose wich makes me grow be and do better…

  44.  #44GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 9:13 am

    @36 light heart

    Yes, I intend to stick with it too. I think I will feel so much less stressed out if I can learn to calm down my brain. Right now, it runs a mile a minute! I overanalyze and I project. I want to be able to be soft and feeling and express myself in good ways, not just when everything is all built up and I’m feeling terrible. I want to be able to accept myself completely.

    I also think Boat Guy is trying to bring that out of me too. I hope he’ll be patient with me and that when he sees this change in me, it may also help him with his feelings. I think he also stuffs his feelings down. From his childhood stories, I think he also has issues of not being accepted for who he is. Our parent stories are similar in lots of ways, yet different in many as well.

  45.  #45Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 9:20 am

    April Rose,

    Re: #39 – thank you, good clarification.

    About wanting a man with dangerous eyes, I continue to feel concerned. And I relate. I have had numerous men in my life with dangerous eyes. I have been hurt and misused plenty of times too.

    Is this something you want to heal? If getting it out of your system means dating someone with dangerous eyes, and you end up raped or maimed, will it be worth it? What is going on there inside of you? I know we discussed this a little in the past, and I admit my memory is a little foggy on what you said.

    I have always been drawn to dangerous men, too, and I think it is unhealthy. I don’t want that anymore. I now consider myself a dangerous man whisperer tho. I have learned to talk to them to bring out their gentle side and help them find healing.

  46.  #46Starla on April 16, 2012 at 9:31 am

    my friends and the tech guy at my job are trying to calm me down, saying it’s likely he is just bluffing.

    i don’t know. they did successfully do this to my friend.

  47.  #47Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 9:34 am


    What I am seeing now is if we say a FM and it is not well received, we do not apologize, because we did nothing wrong. We simply stated how we felt.

    What I often say when it isn’t well received is, “I don’t want to make you feel bad, but I don’t want to feel bad, either, and I want to honor myself by stating how I really feel.”

  48.  #48Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 9:35 am


    RE; #46 – So did you tell the cops? I think better safe than sorry.

  49.  #49light heart on April 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

    I’m haven’t been attracted to very dangerous men. For me, it was the ones I felt were good stand-ins for dad, who I never felt love, acceptance and approval from growing up. He was a victim of his own self-loathing and ‘passed the savings on’ to us kids. The men I would choose would be just withholding and disparaging enough to give me that challenge so that, gosh darn it, I could get it right this time, I could make him love me, and fix him while I was at it. What a deal ! Since my relationship with my dad is pretty much healed. I don’t have to do this pattern anymore, whew, and instead, now can help them to love themselves more just by being a good example.

    light heart

  50.  #50Starla on April 16, 2012 at 9:37 am

    i will. i’m at work. i am scared because of the threat. i just read all these news stories about women who did tell, and then the hackers put up all the photos on their facebook pages.

  51.  #51RainbowRose on April 16, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Hey I am one month out of a relationship – my guy left me for my ex-girlfriend (she betrayed me to get t him but he was attracted too) and it has been hell to think about – today is the first day I feel that I am half-normal. I suffered. Now, He ‘s like all friendsy and I thought I wanted that too but I am still in love with him, so I am trying to cut loose for my own self-respect – In truth, I guess I secretly hope a reconciliation and I KNOW that I must walk alone and not be all friendsy – I want to be attractive to him again and break out of the “nice” girl doormat mode. He asked me to sit his dog so he could take his new gf out for the weekend last week – I said, ” I had plans” – and this is the first time I’ve said no to him – he texted me to see how my weekend was – I was evasive – I replied “busy” I need support in pushing forward and not pursuing because I miss him soooo much. The pain is very raw. Any suggestions? I am really struggling because it feels like I just lost my BBF and lover – which is true.

  52.  #52lk on April 16, 2012 at 9:55 am

    man. this stuff is hard. i seriously…. well… i love myself & i intend to feel AMAZING : ) & i love all the humans & i want them to feel amazing too !

  53.  #53Femininewoman on April 16, 2012 at 9:56 am


  54.  #54lk on April 16, 2012 at 10:06 am

    i feel afraid to trust humans. it feels “stupid” – but i really Believe that there is no “Wrong” that can be done against me, so there is no need to say anything about “wrong”-doing or “forgive-ness”

    & i feel afraid to believe that i am “perfect” or at least… “imperfect-ion”-free ? right ?

    i have a Belief that Infidelity is “inevitable” & I have a Fear that this is The End of Love : ( awww lk, that’s a bit silly i know.

    i wonder where that last one comes from, as i’ve never cheated or been cheated on…. but actually, i did end both my previous 3-year relationships basically “for” another person. & both times, the “other person” was Just Cute – not a Potential Forever Partner. HOWEVER LK YOU MUST REMEMBER that this came after laying down boundaries, taking space, & making choices on what felt good to YOU. this was never about another person. it was just that at a point, the remainder of the relationship was Less Than whatever fleeting whimsical attraction you had to those Bridge Boys lol

  55.  #55Starla on April 16, 2012 at 10:07 am

    thank you, ladies, for the hugs and words. at least they’re excellent photos of myself *kim kardashian moment* but my contacts list has all my business stuff, my bosses, campaign stuff, and all the gradschools i ever inquired to… life would go on but it would never be the same.

  56.  #56April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 10:11 am

    Oh, Lk,
    I’m at a three-year itch.
    Someone else is looking so attractive.
    Is it a pattern of mine I need to heal?

  57.  #57Barbie on April 16, 2012 at 10:12 am

    Hi Rori,
    I am new to this blog and feel excited and encouraged to be here. I’m just beginning to accept and acknowledge my feelings and have been practicing feeling messages with everyone I come in contact with. It feels awkward and strange but empowering at the same time.

    I’ve been using the tools in your ebook and also the Modern Sirens program. I feel so happy to be working on myself so I will be open to an amazing relationship with a truly remarkable man. Just saying these words makes me feel so happy as I never thought I would be open to love.

  58.  #58lk on April 16, 2012 at 10:12 am

    wow, that feels so horrible to read or think about. i know that is how JX sees the ht thing… though i did not even “go” for HT until months after… but he thinks i cheated, traded him in, upgraded him….. i see that really clearly & i’ve never been able to convince him that that wasn’t what happened…. & i have a fear that it is so easy to just lose that anchor-feeling….

    but it isn’t. that was after ~6 months of bxllshxt lol. you did your best, baby. it’s ok (((lk)))

    & i have a fear of being “traded in” or – worse – being Cuckolded : ((((((( ahhh my love of literature is reminding me that Shakespeare might be a) responsible & b) the cure

    lol i’m thinking if i re-read othello & a winter’s tale, i might be able to See The Light – & also remind myself that Fiction depends on Excitement (better facilitated by Infidelity than Happy Marriages lol) & is not necessarily representative of reality…

  59.  #59April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

    I feel scared reading your speculations of being raped or maimed by a man.
    I don’t imagine any two men are the same. I feel regretful of describing my friend as having ‘dangerous eyes’. This seems to have set up a judgement and given you an idea of who he is completely.
    I like my description. It gives me a feeling of tingley anticipation. It is only one aspect of the man, however.

  60.  #60lk on April 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

    can i get hypnotized out of believing i will be cheated on ???

    oh well. i actually just imagined Finding Out about my partner cheating… & my feelings were more like, “oh… gross… i feel bored & like i want to leave the room”

    & i realize that i control only my part of the relationship. i can bring trust, but i cannot bring any Guarantees… & also that i do not control the actions of anyone but myself.


    babysteps, lk : )


  61.  #61April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 10:27 am

    I’m starting to formulate a manifesto of what I want. So that a man can decide if he is willing to give.
    First up – I want to be taken on two nights out and a day out per week.

    EM (dangerous eyes man) would step up to this no problem, because he wants it too.
    WM (loyal, kind man) is a workaholic who struggles to come up with an outing for me once a month.

  62.  #62Healing Waterfall on April 16, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Starla i hope they are just bluffing and they don’t really have photos of you…what a creepy feeling…

    i feel so much more comfortable with leaning back now and i feel more secure in myself, knowing that i don’t have to chase…
    it’s like a flower knows that its petals and its nectar will lure a pollinator…

  63.  #63April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 10:34 am

    I don’t like the feeling of ‘threats’.

    Threats of being cheated on. Threats of being raped or maimed. Threats of him wimping out.

    Threats, I DEFY you. You are merely the speculations of my mind. And as such, you are made of masculine energy.

    When I am in feminine energy I feel no threat at all.

  64.  #64lk on April 16, 2012 at 10:38 am

    anyone got any good tid-bits on NVs ? i feel Eaten Alive right now ! lol

  65.  #65GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 10:44 am

    What are some examples of a man showing feminine energy?

  66.  #66lk on April 16, 2012 at 10:53 am


    oh, anyone who receives nxdie-pix of Star-la-la-la is a lucky human : )))

    no sweat ! tech-sabotage is totally trendy right now

  67.  #67April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 10:53 am

    I feel like I am snaking aound and manipulating.

    If I felt powerful I’d be declaring my wantings.

    I feel desperate to stay ‘safe’. Declaring my desires would be dangerous (I judge). That’s where the danger is. Not in the man’s eyes. But in declaring my desire for the man.

  68.  #68April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Getting out of comfort zone = saying what I want.

  69.  #69Calypso on April 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I just signed up for Rori’s Toxic Men program. I took the quiz and GM is “Difficult” . . . Lol – no kidding! I just thought since we are about to spend 3 days together at the beach, this would be a great time for me to brush up on what i should and should not do if i want to turn our relationship around. We are going as “Friends”, but I don’t want to just be friends and i hope I can learn some things about myself and my reactions to this man so that I can be calm and a true siren while we have this time together. I really want to know if we have a chance to make a life together or if I need to walk away (again) . . .

  70.  #70GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

    If he comes over to take me to dinner and gives me two options, one which he stopped on his way home from work to pick up a menu so I could see it before I decide, and then tells me to choose which one we go to.

    If when I go to clean up my plate after dinner and he takes it from me and says, “baby sit down and relax, I’ll take care of this.” and then does it.

    Is that him being masculine or feminine?

  71.  #71Dominique on April 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

    lk – try shushing them, putting your hand over their mouths, stick your fingers in your ears and sing la, la, la, la, la really loud. try handing them cookies, and ask them to stay in the corner. try escorting them outdoors. tell them thank you, but no thank you.

    and my favorite, summon up a really good feeling memory or make on up if your prefer, and revel in it. act as if it is. it’s real and right there in front of you right now.

    if all else fails, try taking a nap.


  72.  #72Goodheart on April 16, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Radiant, thank you! I believe I felt the yellow light you sent me this weekend & I truly appreciate it 🙂

  73.  #73Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 11:03 am


  74.  #74Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 11:04 am

    I agree with lk #64 😉

  75.  #75Dominique on April 16, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I can’t speak for Rori, but if it was me differentiating between sorry and expressing an “I feel…” or rather how to use them alone or together, is through your body/your feelings.

    How you feel comes first, and when you are in touch with this, whether it be sad, bad, mad, etc., this can be expressed or not, but when the sorry is expressed, the feeling behind it will be there and felt by the other person.

    So yes please say sorry if it feels right to you. Add the feeling message before or after if you feel unsure what you feel or if you just want to.


  76.  #76Calypso on April 16, 2012 at 11:06 am

    GivingGirl – I have a million examples of a man using feminine energy, but it is because my ex husband was a bigger girl than anyone I know and so . . . my comments will be tainted by those negative feelings.

    He cried more than me, took longer to get ready to go out than me, fussed over his hair and his clothes, talked about his feelings until I was nausiated, etc. This makes me sound like a real cold-hearted bitch, I know. He was a girly-man. Yuk.

  77.  #77Dominique on April 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

    I want to add my thank yous to Turquoise and Tiffany along with all the other birthday wonder wishes.


  78.  #78Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 11:07 am

    He called again and it turned out he is sick and I asked if he had fever, so he immediately checked and said that his thermometer says he is hot and s-xy ;))))

  79.  #79Dominique on April 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

    And lastly for now, I want to remind you how precious and how fragile life is. I came home last night to find a beautiful, yet incredibly painful letter from my dearest friend in the world.

    She had one of those amazingly, intimate, special relationships with her husband, the kind most of you dream of having. They came together later in life, she in her late thirties, maybe forty; he was fourteen years older. He died yesterday from sudden onset acute leukemia. He died in her arms.

    My heart is breaking for her. It feels so real as if it’s right here in my life, yet it is her pain, not mine. I feel SO very fortunate to still have my special man to hug on, love and kiss on. And though I don’t ever take him for granted, I want to hold him just that bit longer and just that bit tighter. I want to look in his eyes so deeply and tuck him into my heart for always.

    This post is to remind you whether you have a man or not, whomever you love is just as dear and precious. So please tell them so; please hold them close; please love them fiercely.



  80.  #80Jilly on April 16, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Good afternoon Sirens 🙂

    GoodHeart…I feel happy to see you here 🙂 I felt sad reading about your mom…I feel very close to my mom too.

  81.  #81GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 11:22 am

    @ Dominique

    That is such a heartbreaking story. I’m so sorry for your friends loss. I can’t even imagine how difficult that is for her.

  82.  #82Jilly on April 16, 2012 at 11:31 am

    awww…Dominique…I feel so so so sad and teary reading that. Tears have already started and I can’t stop them.

    I had a client at school who just lost her husband to cancer and it happened very quickly and they were so happy together.

    It reminds me of Titanic…

    Rugby Man is my Jack Dawson…he feels like my biggest dream come true…

  83.  #83April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 11:31 am


    NV’s are Sons of Thinking: they are little males.
    Maybe sit them in the corner and give them a soft porn mag to read!

  84.  #84April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 11:34 am

    I feel sad often, imagining EM dying suddenly and me never having expressed to him the passion that I feel for him. Or that I love him.

  85.  #85Jilly on April 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

    This weekend we stayed with a couple that Rugby Man knows right on a lake out in the country. It felt so romantic and cozy.

    During the day yesterday he was helping his guy friend build a deck. I was able to get some work done and then I went out and wandered around. I could tell they were in “work mode” so I just observed and then went back inside…

    Within 5 minutes Rugby Man came inside and found me and snuggled up to me asking if there was anything he get for me and how I was doing. I feel so taken care of.

    Then later on he showed me a house he wants to buy and wanted to see what I thought of it.

    We ended up talking about money…I shared some of my dreams…and he said “baby, I’ll take care of you when you are with me”

    I love that 🙂

    I feel shaky talking about money…I always have and I feel so vulnerable opening up…I feel nervous and scared…but it feels freeing too…

  86.  #86Dominique on April 16, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Giving Girl – I think it was you who among a few others asking for information on yogurt masques. I gave the detailed low down on them in the last thread. If you need instructions, I did write them out earlier in thread but if you need them again, please let me know. I can rewrite them.


  87.  #87Iamabutterfly on April 16, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Dominique, thank you for reminding us of the brevity of life. (((Hugs to you and your precious friend.)))

  88.  #88LoveAlways on April 16, 2012 at 11:58 am

    Hi Sirens:

    This Post by Rori really hits home for me today because I spoke my truth, told CD assertive that how he has speaking to me does not feel good and told him that I will not be dating him anymore. I’m not bragging, because I don’t feel good. But I do feel relieved, just a little sad (as is expected). I took that step, and for that I feel good. He has been moved to the very bottom of my rotation for now. I plan to take the next 4 weeks off from CDing and regroup my siren ways. Going to upload my profile at the end of the 4 weeks too

  89.  #89GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

    @ Dominique – Thank you. I did the yogurt masque yesterday. However, I didn’t buy the full fat. Have to get that next time. I do have Greek yogurt and I saw Starla post that would work too. How often do you do the masque?

  90.  #90LoveAlways on April 16, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    ((((((((April Rose))))))))))

  91.  #91GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    This Brad Paisley song seems to make a lot more sense since I’ve been reading Rori’s blog. I always loved this song, but now it means even more.

    “Little Moments”
    Well I’ll never forget the first time that I heard
    That pretty mouth say that dirty word
    And I can’t even remember now what she backed my truck into
    But she covered her mouth and her face got red
    And she just looked so darn cute
    That I couldn’t even act like I was mad
    Yeah I live for little moments like that

    Well that’s just like this last year on my birthday
    She lost all track of time and burnt the cake
    And every smoke detector in the house was goin’ off
    And she was just about to cry until I took her in my arms
    And I tried not to let her see me laugh
    Yeah I live for little moments like that

    I know she’s not perfect but she tries so hard for me
    And I thank god that she isn’t ’cause how boring would that be
    It’s the little imperfections it’s the sudden change in plans
    When she misreads the directions and we’re lost but holdin’ hands
    Yeah I live for little moments like that

    When she’s layin’ on my shoulder on the sofa in the dark
    And about the time she falls asleep so does my right arm
    And I want so bad to move it ’cause it’s tinglin’ and it’s numb
    But she looks so much like an angel that I don’t wanna wake her up
    Yeah I live for little moments
    When she steals my heart again and doesn’t even know it
    Yeah I live for little moments like that

  92.  #92Healing Waterfall on April 16, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    I am a spring beauty wildflower with white petals and pink stripes leading pollinators to my sweet nectar. When they drink my nectar, they spread their pollen on my receptive stigma and I invite their pollen grains to germinate on it and grow towards my eggs, just waiting for the little guys to come get me….

  93.  #93Dominique on April 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm

    Giving Girl – Like I said the greek one is likely fine. I don’t see why it wouldn’t be. Likely a bit less messy since it’s thicker. I just prefer using the original.

    You can masque as often as you like, every day even. I do it at least once a week though I aim for twice. I also do a whole body masque with it at the same time. I’ll either use my clarisonic with it or just lay in a dry tub for as long as I can stand it. Then shower it all off. I don’t use any other cleanser when masquing.


  94.  #94Neeta on April 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Dear Rori and Sirens,

    I feel awful, very sad, want to cry but lost the will. I’m unwell with an upper respiratory tract infection, just started antibiotics yesterday. I have a 5 days course away from where I live and I left to stay with friends as my husband didn’t even realise I was that unwell.
    We have serious communication breakdowns and that’s due to the fact that we are still not living together.
    I mentioned this before on another thread, but he is still married to his first wife and lives with her and their 2 children (I know I know). When I discovered Rori it was well too late for me to not get involved with a married man as we had already got married 7 months ago.
    The first wife doesn’t know about me, though she knows there’s another woman who was in her bed (I made sure she knew, don’t ask). Their relationship ended before I met him, but she suddenly changed her mind about divorce. He looks after them financially, so she is saving a lot of money just by being there. Sadly no one his end knows anything about me, except his children (3&2). They still aren’t able to tell anyone anything yet!
    Being I’ll makes me very sad, very vulnerable. Him staying away and not communicating with me daily feels awful, I feel mad and angry that he doesn’t have the guts to finally leave. His stupid excuse is that he doesn’t want to face the storm (her family). I am full of anger and just now tears have come to my eyes. When we’re together everything is just perfect, but when he leaves, life is very empty. I focus too much as I’m currently out of work, but hopefully should return next week.
    I have many conflicting feelings inside me towards him and this marriage that’s still on hold. He promises everything will change when we leave the country as we planned to, but I’m getting very impatient and don’t want to wait. I want the change now.
    His parents want him to leave her too, and from what he says they’re also getting annoyed with him complaining about their relationship, but sadly nothing is happening.
    I’m sick and tired of all this and I’m truly sad. I’m hoping when I return to work I feel better and less attentive to everything in the background and he would feel my absence.
    I wrote a good feeling messages email to him today touching on how I feel physically and emotionally, and when he called we agreed to try and sort out communication as it’s very bad. He repeated to try and be patient as he’s not happy either but he wants to wait till we leave. He says he wants what’s best for his children. But where am I from all this?
    I know that when he argues with her he comes running, and otherwise he’s just keeping himself busy with the children and the house chores (he’s off work now). I’m very confused as to how this will all end and whether I really should be patient and wait for the move or not.
    I’ve gone through every possibility in my head up to divorce, but I love him a lot and know that I will be sad if I left, though not for long.
    Not sure anymore, just venting my thoughts and feelings.

  95.  #95GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    @ Dominique

    Thank you. I will try the whole body one too.

  96.  #96Starla on April 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm


  97.  #97lk on April 16, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    hm i tried to write about “heaping praise” & going all gush-y… but i feel weird & grumpy doing it.

    simultaneously like, “ugh this is gross & personal & annoying” to post & also like, “this is wayyy private” — so a “privacy” reaction from the perspective of Myself & My Relationship & also from the “audience” lol….

  98.  #98GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 1:26 pm


    I feel you are in a terrible situation. It’s not exactly the same thing, but I was dating a man who had an ex-wife whom always called him for money. He had adopted her 3 children. He always sent her money.

    Well, later I come to find out that they never divorced. They were separated for many years, but he never divorced her because he didn’t want to pay child support for children that weren’t his. He felt like his mother pressured him into adopting the kids and he really didn’t want to.

    I decided, she lives in a totally different state, so I continued the relationship. Then, after we purchased a house together, mistake no.2, he ended up cheating on me. He claimed he loved us both and just couldn’t decide. I decided for him, I had him refinance to get my name off the house and I moved out.

    After that, I learned from his sister-in-law, that he actually had a girlfriend when he started dating me and told his whole family to keep their mouths shut.

    From my experience, the only advice I can give you, is to take care of yourself. You need to do what is best for you. I believe, deep down, you already know what that is.

    I hope you find happiness for you.

  99.  #99Neeta on April 16, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Thank u Starla…. I really need so much TLC, feel so sad to have to ask for it 🙁

  100.  #100lk on April 16, 2012 at 1:29 pm


  101.  #101Neeta on April 16, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Giving Girl,

    Yes I sadly do know, but not in cross roads, do I give him a chance till we leave, or simply leave now? It’s very painful, hurts deeply but I must take care of myself.

  102.  #102lk on April 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm


    the only way to really get that Good Feeling i think is to heap the TLC on yourself : )

    love to you


  103.  #103Neeta on April 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    I meant to say Now in cross roads.

    lk thank u… need all the hugs as I cry myself to sleep tonight.

  104.  #104Daria on April 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    Starla – to be safe, I would copy and paste my contacts to a text doc and ERASE all my contacts from the account. Tadah! Who u go a send to now, sucker. Also you can upload every email somewhere else ie (into outlook). And erase every email ever received or sent. Then they can’t even do it the painstalking way of looking it up.

    Then, don’t use that email for awhile, don’t Evers save contacts out of outlook… And transfers d erase any new emails on the spot. That will drastically reduce the issue.

  105.  #105GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    I’m sorry to be so blunt. Right now, he is choosing his other wife. It doesn’t matter what he says, look at his actions. He is living with her. You need to choose yourself. If you give him a chance until you leave, what happens if he keeps delaying leaving? How long will you give him a chance? If he really wants to be with you, he won’t want you to leave, and if he sees that you are ready to walk, it may light a fire under his butt and if it doesn’t, then he isn’t the guy for you.


  106.  #106Neeta on April 16, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    @ lk how do I do that with so much pain? Being ill makes me feel very emotionally vulnerable. I’m trying so much different things to do. Why can’t I get rid of this sadness cloud?

  107.  #107Daria on April 16, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    I feel sad. I woke up from a dream now. . I feel hot.

    No calls on my phone, not really gettin hit up online as much…

    I noticed even e shifted circumstances I still have my ‘feelings’ there from past wounds, and now I can feel them directly, not covere w thoughts about my circumstances.

    My heart upper part and my throat are healing now… It started from the bottom and I had a lot of wired nerves, then nausea healing through my lower chakras.

  108.  #108Starla on April 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    daria, thank you. they do already have everything in their possession.

  109.  #109lk on April 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm


    maybe it’s cf & he’s just tryna get his hands on some new material ?

    sorry about it. & sort-of-sorry about me teasing you… but i hope it will all work out & even if everyone sees you lookin cute… no sweat : ) love you

  110.  #110GivingGirl on April 16, 2012 at 1:49 pm


  111.  #111Neeta on April 16, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Leaving was his idea and to be honest I’m delaying it coz I’m hoping things can change here before we do, but more importantly coz I’ve got an important review in July that I can’t miss. This is the first time I’m being selfish.
    I also start work next week after almost a year at home, so no chance am I going to waste the opportunity to get back to the person I once was, very confident, too busy to notice anyone who can’t communicate.
    He’s seen that part of me when we first met, though I quickly was madly in love with him and just melted.
    I intend to be strong on the inside, not let my weak shell give in. I intend to love myself more and take care of myself. I intend to refuse everything that will upset me and make me sad.

  112.  #112Daria on April 16, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Starla – they said they copied the contacts? They may have been lazy and just waiting to log in again to use the contacts from the site…

    Then again, dang if they did savem.

    Maybe this is a not too comfy way for the uni to transform u into someone who’s comfortable showing her body and sexual stuff and who is ok w feeling embarrassment and fear etc

    I know my last DUI for example changed my life in such a great way. I was never into nature before And now rainforest girl.

  113.  #113Daria on April 16, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    And that’s only part … I also learned to walk long distances, keep myself warm, ENJOY cleaning houses and even bathrooms, and do gardening.

    Also comfortable picking up garbage from nature areas.

    And.. Men are coming to me now everytime w no problems. Before, I was having trouble getting anyone to come to me for a couple years.

  114.  #114Daria on April 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Ok so last note I was gona ride out w a pimp and my ex and his wife were there and I was making up w her and almost took her until he showed up. I wanted to piss him off and feel powerful takin her just like ol times . He said some stuff to me alone in the store. The pimp guy pickin me up was kinda cool I felt excited to be riding …

    Mmmm. I guess I do love pimps I was watching some videos w them lAst nite. I feel scared like its bad but it can’t be bad If I feel it I trust it leads to transformation and good stuff.

    All I know is IWantSomeoneToPickMeUpAndRideOutShowinOffWMe

  115.  #115lk on April 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    (((((Daria))))) i feel afraid of how Cool you are : )

    & i feel SUPER INSPIRED too : ))))))) yummy ! i intend to Bow Down all day to the Glory that Surrounds me : )

  116.  #116Daria on April 16, 2012 at 2:06 pm

    If this was regularly happening w me how would I feel? Way kinda woman would I be wat would I think about and wat would I do in the morning

    I’d probably get dressed up all fly everyday since I’m riding out…

    Oh yeah that was my channeling too I was gona get dressed everyday like u have big dates… I haven’t been doin that now wonder my energy lagged…

    Yay I can do it today!

    Gonna look so fly!

  117.  #117Starla on April 16, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    lk, you’re fine… but it’s not me lookin cute. it’s me lookin cute naked. and i don’t need my bosses, the grad schools i inquired to, or campaign contributors receiving them.

  118.  #118Daria on April 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    Lk – thanks! It feels surprising and great to be called cool cuz that’s what I perpetually want to be seen as.

    I judge it as coming from wounded self but that’s just my judgement and may be holding me back from bigness so no more… Babysteps. Michel Jackson was cool. I’m cool dammit I like it.

    The last nite stuff was a dream – very realistic and certainly did happen plenty in wakin life .

    Lk – if u don’t mind what did u find cool about me?

  119.  #119Starla on April 16, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    and my grandma, and my grandpa, and my uncles…

  120.  #120Rori Raye on April 16, 2012 at 2:29 pm

    Rainbow Rose – you’re doing GREAT!!! We all support you doing what you’re doing! New man will show up fast if you stick with loving yourself and saying no to the old stuff…Love, Rori

  121.  #121lk on April 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    daria, i was feeling all PUMPED UP reading, “I noticed even e shifted circumstances I still have my ‘feelings’ there from past wounds, and now I can feel them directly, not covere w thoughts about my circumstances.” : )))))) feels SO EMPOWERING to read ! because i was feeling so desolate this weekend… feeling mope-y & sad… & no Full Way or Solution to pull me out of it…. but that’s ok. i have some Sad. no big deal. no need to “solve” it like i was trying to make myself do….. just see it, touch it, feel curious about it…. & keep Traveling On….. i don’t know. feels like all i can do is pray & sing & keep loving…. i try. & i keep trying… feels Way Big… also, Like Nothing ?

  122.  #122Starla on April 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Alaska’s been stepping up and checking in on me and helping me and seeing if i need cheering up.

    it feels really nice to have someone care for me.

    i miss cf more than ever, because he was always there for me. except this last time with grad school rejection, lol.

  123.  #123lk on April 16, 2012 at 2:36 pm


    ooooeeeee girl ! that sounds like a rodeo. but you are such a cowgirl !

  124.  #124Daria on April 16, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Thanks Lk 🙂


    Whoa that feels even more surprising as I thought u thought it was cool that I was gona ride out w pimp dude or that I wanted to create competition drama w my ex Abt his wife but instead I’m reading it was about shifting and feeling emotions haha


    I’m giving myself permission to have the coolness come from inside myself and express out

    Rather than have to have it acknowledged approved or mentioned by others

    I actually feel cool now and excited about the fly outfit I’ll wear today

    I feel excited I’ve hit on something as fly outfit itself will bring energy to go out and be seen

    Omg 🙂

    I did it I got it I got the secret I’m IN :). I feel thrilled !!! And a bit teary

  125.  #125Jessie1000 on April 16, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    Healing waterfall…u are so poetic!

  126.  #126Daria on April 16, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    yeah im winning winnning!!!!

    swag !!! im winnin

    everyday im winnin!!!


  127.  #127Daria on April 16, 2012 at 2:55 pm

    hehe’ gangsta pimp daria’ is coming to empower and swag out and integrate and get seen ‘peaceful transformation healing daria’ 🙂

  128.  #128Jessie1000 on April 16, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    I constantly worry that I will get cheated on. I dont know why. When I am married, its worse, cause then I like them so much that Im afraid of the devestation before it has happened?
    The more I like a guy, the more Im sure, he will cheat….its like if I think hes desirable then everyone else must think he is desirable too….lol
    Makes no sense.
    I think it has to do with my checking behaviours.
    I like to check he loves me
    THen I annoy him cause im always worried and not confident
    then I annoy myself, cause I hate having something that I feel I might lose
    Only the abusive ones I dont worry about…i never worry about cheating….I used to wish my second hsuband would cheat on me! .

  129.  #129Jenny on April 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I feel sad and angry and quilty.

    Once CD from some weeks ago, wich I didnt feel anything for:

    Well he said to me before the date; he couldnt pay for anythings for me on ower date, since he had no money: well this is ok by me, i have had bad economey in my life so I can totelly understand this…
    But on the date he tells me he work 100% and is saving money in order to buy his own resteraunt in the futher…and that made me feel very small.

    Secound I couldnt hear all he was saying, he spoke very low.

    So I didnt get any attrakction, noir “I want to meet you again feeling”. So I thanked him for the meeting.

    The day after he wrote and wanted to know when we could meet again, so I told him I dont want to meet him, since it dont feel good.

    And then he was like; “was I that ugly, must been my ugly face”

    …So there is one answer why i didnt feel good; he is too insecure and seek aproval from other ppl.

    Anyway I just told him, I liked his eyes, but I I’m not intrested in see him again.

    Now 3 weeks later, i got a mail from him: “I luve you” (yes he spelled love wrong)

    And I just wrote back: “I’m sorry, I dont know how to respond to this”

    Got back; “I cant stop thinking about me, please meet me again, I love you”

    So I wrote: “I’m sorry. I feel unintrested in meeting you again”

    He: “why are you soo cruel?”

    Me: “I’m not feeling any intrested in you, I’m sorry. I cant do things that feels bad to me.”

    Not any answer…so far …but this made me start wondering;

    How do you siren handle a man who says he loves you after one date?…I do feel cruel but at the same time I feel good about myself for being honest. In my head I’m starting to be thinking; maybe I could have said it in a better way? maybe give him a seod chance?…”Oh hell no” my guts scream. So thats the answer to that question.

    I feel a little quilty, this aint the first who wants me soo much, being obssed over me after one date. I feel both good and bad, feel afraid, feel darn nice – of course they want me, I’m a F*** siren 😛

  130.  #130Jessie1000 on April 16, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Im not sure why the sirens were talking about dreams but I have had a constant dream for a week…
    I dream I have a baby goat living in my back yard

    She is super cute, similar to a little goat that ran under a fence at this zoo in NS and followed me to my car….prob. cause I fed it like 10.00 in corn from the pay machines….and i was so tempted to steal it and put it in my yard…

    Anyway, she keeps hanging out in my garden dream and I dont know why…lol

  131.  #131lk on April 16, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    @jessie 1000

    ooh ! i am going to have 2 goats : ))) & a chicken coop : )

    idk about the fear of men cheating… it is a very big fear.

    possibly, instead of saying to myself, “oh, it would be the end of the world…” & thinking about leaving & stuff…. maybe i can give myself permission – if that happens to me – to deal with it then. to make the Big Decisions then.

    then my Catastrophe Fear can go back to napping : ) lol

  132.  #132lk on April 16, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    like… who knows ? maybe i will actually feel empathetic or grateful or something totally surprising ! ooh i feel a little shift just thinking that : )

  133.  #133lk on April 16, 2012 at 3:13 pm


    i am not trying to semantically invite this “catastrophe” !

  134.  #134Daria on April 16, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    mannn i am the flyest bit*ch out in the bay area today

    n everyday

    wooooooo hoooo

    they all get at me 🙂

    hehe i feel amused i was missin all this before when i was focused on the size of my friend’s ass rather than


  135.  #135Lizka on April 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Yay my first day at my new work went super good!

    Met all the other new people (we’re a class of 18 at the training!) and they’re all my age and all pretty cool. I think we gonna have fun during this 5 weeks of training!

    We’re 5 girls and 13 guys. No cute one though… But when I told that to my best friend she said “You didn’t think ATW was cute at first”… eh that’s true… lol. And anyway there’s way more than these 13 guys, it’s a huge company!

    I feel happy with the job.

    Still a little bit stressed with my car. But it should be ok.

    And also stressed with my old job who doesn’t want to pay me last year vacation. Arrggg

    I have to deal with so many things lately and I can’t wait for all this stress to pass and life to become normal again. A normal job (that doesn’t feel new), a car that I don’t have to fight with the credit for), and my vacation pay in my account so I can pay my bills!!

    Nothing is happening with none of my CDs. They’re all very very very low profile lately… Maybe they are giving me spaces to fix all my job/money/car issues?

  136.  #136Starla on April 16, 2012 at 3:43 pm

    omg, talking to a guy friend about CF, and he says to take him out on a date, and pay for everything! lol! he says that’s how i demonstrate that i’m open to a partnership.

  137.  #137Lush_Oasis on April 16, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    This was a part of the relationship articles … I felt a connection with the article findings and wanted to share with other Sirens, too. 😀 At least now I can understand why I much rather prefer trail walks in the woods and not in a concrete gridlock town.

    “”In Japan, researchers have long studied what they call ‘forest bathing.’ A walk in the woods, they say, reduces the level of stress chemicals in the body and increases natural killer cells in the immune system, which fight tumors and viruses. Studies in inner cities show that anxiety, depression and even crime are lower in a landscaped environment.” “Why Trees Matter,” New York Times, April 11, 2012″

  138.  #138Lush_Oasis on April 16, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    And, then, this was also a part of the article, and I thought of you, HW, as you mill about town on your bike pedaling as a Siren and being open as a flower [paraphrased, totally] …

    “”The earth laughs in flowers.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “If you journey with your imperfections…you ask them to show you what they really want to tell you, you find out everything that you need to know about the incredible mystery of your own soul that you didn’t invent but was graciously given to you….at your deepest level you don’t belong to yourself, but you belong to the divine.”

    “The Goddess loves your awkwardness.” both quotes from John O’Donohue, speaking about the Creative Imagination”

  139.  #139GingerSky on April 16, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    I’m online today, but for a short time. I see that Sirens have emailed me:) That feels really good, and I should be back online & reply to you all tomorrow.

    Meanwhile, NSM & I are getting along well through the sadness & loss of our romantic connection… esp as long as I let go of my story of us being monogamous & forever & stop blaming him over who he is. He’s been sad too.

    And I’m noticing amazing reactions from several men in community & in public bc of my Siren-y energy coming back… trying to be in open(ended) relationship w NSM that (while amazing, often constant & rich beyond belief, sweet, tender, beneficial, healing, honest, passionate & close) would come & go, and isn’t grounded, & in which I couldn’t rely on being referenced as his woman consistently, identify w each other, take for granted certain things about being in each others’ space physically/emotionally in a regular way, build a more regular life together, feel sure he wasn’t willing to be open to other women & maybe someday start a new relationship bc he needs lots of relationships over his lifetime, etc, was me giving away my power. It felt awesome to be w him, but that part felt bad.

    Men have been treating & relating w me in *amazing* & surprising ways… & I’ve leaned forward subtly & in tiny moments w each of them… but I’m learning thru experience what that feels like & what it is I’m doing.

  140.  #140GingerSky on April 16, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    More later re my processes & experiences/plans etc.

    #138 Starla, lol! This man sounds to me like he wants to be a woman. I dont mean that to be judgmental, LOL! My smart*ass side would be tempted to ask him if he thinks you should also ask CF to wear a dress to such a date! Ba ha haaa! Poor man.

  141.  #141Grace on April 16, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Hi Ladies,

    I need your help/advice on how to handle this situation or if I am just overreacting. My husband went out today with his friends (no biggie) at 9:30 this morning to go to a baseball and go out for a little bit afterwards. It is now almost 7pm here and he isn’t home yet. He called me at 5:30 and said that he was going to another bar. It is Monday (a holiday here though) and we have to work tomorrow. I missed the call because I was getting my nails done. I tried to call him back but he isn’t answering. He has been out drinking now for 10 hours and I have no idea how to handle this. I am hurt/jealous because he would never spend this much time out with me (we tried to spend the day yesterday together and he wanted to go home after 2 hours), scared because we have been down this road before with him not coming home because of drinking (he got it under control though…or so I thought), and mad because I don’t understand why a 36 year old man needs to be out for 10 hours drinking with his buddies. Normally I am laid back about this stuff…hanging with his boys. I dont care if he does, I am glad he does…I hang with my girls too (I did today), but there shoudl be a balance of boy time and wife time. There also should be the respect of not staying out for 10 hours drinking when you aren’t single…you have someone to come home to. Am I just being needy? How would you handle this type of situation? Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you 🙂

  142.  #142GingerSky on April 16, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    #134 ((( Daria! ))):-}

  143.  #143Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Sirens!!!!! Holy heck…. the universe is drowning me in men. I’ve never had this!!!!

    Ohio- wants to plan fun stuff to do in my city, all stuff I love and am looking forward to… baseball game, the zoo, seeing the sites, eating out, etc.

    Diver, texted me a bunch at work today and seems really sweet. Wants to know when we can get together!

    Chemist texted me some too… he’s not as much as a conversationalist as I am, but we have a lunch date Saturday and I’m looking forward to meeting him!

    BUT OMG!!!! I have a 4th CD to add to the mix, and this one I’m calling Pilot, because he has his own plane and is FLYING me to dinner Saturday night!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He wants to take me to the beach, NYC and Niagra Falls!!! I’d love to go someplace really special for a first date, but the reality is that I’d feel safer staying closer to home since it will be the first time I even meet him.

    I asked the universe for true love, I now have 4 very different men in front of me… and I think the true love is going to be with ME!!! I feel sooo happy and excited, like I’m drugged on endorphins, thinking about all the fun I’m going to have this weekend!!!

  144.  #144Sun Goddess on April 16, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Wow, CDing is amazing when done properly. For a year I sat and read this blog and told myself I couldn’t do it, then I finally did. I now have LP and two CDs and they are all keeping me so entertained that I don’t think too much about any one of them.

    I rode with a friend today and we ran out of gas. All three men offered to help, but none of them made it there faster than roadside assistance. It feels good to know that they would help. 🙂

  145.  #145GingerSky on April 16, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Still can’t figure how to sign out of the last Gravatar acct I was signed into (I have two diff accts there) so can sign into the one I use here & put my real face on the blog for awhile… still wanting to peep out between my ginger leaves for a bit, lol.

    I sent an email to Gravatar support to ask how to do it. Does anyone here know? If I don’t get a reply from them soon, maybe I’ll try starting another acct…?

    Daria, that photo you sent me in email was **beautiful** …and totally inspiring… aaah.

  146.  #146lilybelly on April 16, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    Turq!! I feel SO excited because you are so excited!!

    YAY You!!!!

  147.  #147GingerSky on April 16, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    #142 Turquoise, are your CDing poster child for the month?! 😀

  148.  #148Mel on April 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Yay Turquoise! I feel so happy (and proud) of you!!


  149.  #149Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm


    RE: #59 – I am not judging your man. Just maybe trying to give you an idea of what you might be attracting if danger in the eyes is one of your criteria.

    I have been in dangerous situations with dangerous men in my past. I have observed that predatory men have a tendency to seek out women who are easily victims of abuse.

    Just concerned about what you are looking for in men.

  150.  #150Sun Goddess on April 16, 2012 at 4:28 pm

    Yeah, Turquoise I’m so happy for you!!! I feel the same way.

  151.  #151Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    @ Rainbow rose…

    wow…he asked you to babysit is dog so he could go on a date with is gf !
    w.t.f……stick with it…stick with your self respect and toss him …do it for all of us lol


  152.  #152Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    Thanks sirens!!! I am so excited 🙂 41 seems to be the magic age too, Pilot and Chemist are…lol. I’ve heard from a bunch of other guys, they are 41 too. I don’t think I could handle more than 4 that I’m actually seeing… but maybe keeping in touch through email with a few others… I don’t know yet.

  153.  #153April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    I was not looking for a man with dangerous eyes.

    When I first met EM, his blue eyes were twinkling softly as he playfully engaged me with his unique brand of humor.

    It was only a few months later that the depths of the danger appeared in his gaze. I felt shocked. And I felt surprised at how turned on I felt.

    I am 44 and have never seen this in a man looking directly at me before.

  154.  #154Luzydel on April 16, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Weird, suddenly all the men who were pursuing me went MIA; like magic! nothing weird happened so I guess is hockey season; Baseball season etc. so they are busy lol. Going to date myself and rest, I am tired.

  155.  #155April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:04 pm

    The fear I feel is a fear of his ‘knowing’ and how he will use it.
    He seems so intuitive, knowing what will frighten me, and takes me to the very edge of that fear.

    The very weird thing is I feel terrified but also trust him totally.

  156.  #156April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    LoveAlways, thank you. Your hug meant so much.

  157.  #157Luzydel on April 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    I feel afraid of ending in a bad relationship or with a man who treats me bad, I want so much freedom and space, not to date other people or do anything crazy, but just be myself. I feel afraid that I end up doing the same thing and oppress myself just to be with a man.

  158.  #158April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    I don’t know for sure, but I don’t think he has ever murdered a girlfriend.
    But then none of them have been like me – elusive and difficult to pin down.

  159.  #159Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    April Rose,
    I feel curiuos about ” It was only a few months later that the depths of the danger appeared in his gaze.”…Wath where the signs ? do you have exemples?
    I feel it could give me clues for myself also…

  160.  #160April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    I understand. I fear the same thing. I hate to feel restricted in any way by other humans, particularly romantic partners.
    This fear makes me refuse to commit. So, I figure it is something I need to heal.

  161.  #161Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 5:13 pm

    @ Luzydel….
    I feel the exact same… I wanth freedom and space, without dating other people or do anything crazy…I feel unsure if I’m fooling myself or not…

  162.  #162April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Rachel R,
    Yes, it happened as i sat in his house drinking tea. He was looking right at me intensely. He lifted one eyebrow and the look he gave me made my stomach tremble.
    I got the feeling that he knew the effect of his gaze.

    Of course, the ‘danger’ judgement is all in the eye of the beholder (me). I judged his look to be penetrating and merciless, like an S.S. officer.

  163.  #163Daria on April 16, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    i get it.

    ok so i saw blonde golden hair curly hair boy with jeans and black sun glasses and i was like omg thats fly

    and i pursued boy when what i really wanted was to BE that

    so I can blonde curly my hair now and finally allow myself too i ben wanting it since i was 6

    im 29

    i got you daria… i know the color jeans skinny jeans and u gona be so fly

  164.  #164April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    Above all it was the *intensity* of the gaze that intrigued me.

    This is a Pluto force, for anyone interested in astrology.

  165.  #165April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    There is something in me (my belly?) that craves intensity.

    Can I give myself the intensity I crave?

  166.  #166April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:28 pm

    Please sirens,

    Help me to plan here my course of action in which I’ll nourish my feminine energy with the amount of intensity she craves.

    I’ll start with looking fantastic (fly, like Daria).

    If I don’t feed myself with intensity I fear it won’t be too long until I give in to this man, and that might not be the way to go.

  167.  #167April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    He had me pinned down by the arms on his kitchen carpet tonight. But he didn’t make a move beyond giving me a soft kiss.

  168.  #168April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    I didn’t struggle against him, although I do like a wrestle now and again.

    Something about him inspires a deep surrender in me.
    I love that feeling. Giving myself over, melted, to the man.

  169.  #169T-Girl on April 16, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    OMG Turq! How exciting!

  170.  #170Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    when I crave intensity (witch I crave a looot) I usually try not to feed it…
    I focus on breathing, calming myself down and getting busy with simple thing like gardening or cleaning or reading…witch is intense in its own way for me…I feel more ”fed” when I do this…or things that feel really good for me is dancing or training my body ….intense in a positive way…
    And sometimes I do give in and then I usually feel empty after,,,

  171.  #171LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    – Get rid of “sorry” and say “I feel bad.” “I feel guilty.”-

    I did that on Saturday.
    I have an issue with being on time.
    I always have D wait, I usually show up 15 to 30 minutes late.
    I always used to say I’m sorry, but Saturday I was 10 minutes early.
    He said “what’s up with that?”
    I said “I feel bad when I make you wait.”
    He’s been alot more smiley since 🙂

  172.  #172Daria on April 16, 2012 at 5:43 pm



    weeeeeeee 🙂

  173.  #173April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    For me intensity is neutral, not a positive or negative thing. Simply a strong desire for life and aliveness.

    I really like your suggestion about dancing.

  174.  #174Daria on April 16, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    this nonjudgmenet thing is realy takin me places!!!

    yayyyy me!!!!!


  175.  #175April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 5:46 pm


    I feel f***ing thrilled by all you are bringing into your life right now.
    Go, siren!

  176.  #176Lizka on April 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    I leaned forward and I called ATW because I was too excited about my new job and my new car and I shared all the news with him and he seem pretty enthousiastic. I told him that I could show him the car tomorrow when I get it and we started talking about something else and when we hang up he said “if you pass by tomorrow I’ll be very happy.”

    So that’s it. I don’t feel regretful about leaning forward and actually I feel pretty good about it because my energy and my vibe were super high and that’s what I wanted to share. I had no other expectation than sharing my vibe and it went great. So why not!

    I prefere leaning forward with a good vibe than leaning back with a cold vibe that I can’t help.


  177.  #177LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm


    Holy moly Turq!!!

    You’re like on The Bachelorette tv show! You’re a sizzling siren!

    I feel so happy to see you having fun 🙂

  178.  #178April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    I’m gonna be fly too, Daria. (What does that mean exactly? Does it mean gorgeous-looking?)

    I’m going for my first ever eyelash tint. And first ever highlights in my hair (which I want tinted blue).

  179.  #179Radlove on April 16, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    April Rose,

    I relate to you a lot. Let me share some of my experiences. I have corresponded with men in and out of prison for 23 years. I met a murderer friend who was being released, and I slept with him. I slept with a rapist. I felt drawn to the lure of danger, and I liked the feeling of vulnerability at his mercy. I played with fate.

    I bared my soul to a gangster with mafia ties. I slept with a bank robber. I was in love with a man who spoke favorably about Hitler. I brought home another non-inmate man and slept with him the day I met him. I moved him in right away. My loneliness drove me to just indiscriminately let men into my life. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.

    A week after I moved him in, we were watching TV after he got us each something to drink. He said, “Let me tell you what is about to happen. I poisoned your drink. You are about to be overtaken with a feeling of warmth all through your body, and then little by little, you will stop breathing. In 5 minutes, you will be dead.

    I panicked. I felt the warmth flash all through my body, and I knew I had pushed the danger in a stranger idea too far one time too many. I sized up where the phone was, to call 911. It was on the other side of the room, on the other side of where he was sitting.

    He saw my eyes go to the phone, and he said, “What, are you thinking of calling 911? It’s too late. Even if you could get to the phone before I stopped you, you would be dead before they arrived.

    I started crying uncontrollably, knowing I should have listened to my Mom all the times she had warned me about men who I couldn’t trust. I was screaming, asking him why he was killing me, what had I done against him?

    He said, “Here, I put the antidote in my drink. Drink this, and you won’t die.” I drank it, not knowing what else to do. Then I curled up in a ball on the bed crying convulsively, just waiting to see if I was going to die or not.

    He came over on the bed and started rubbing my back, saying, “You’re all right. You didn’t take any poison. It was just a joke. I just wanted to see how you react. I’m sorry.”

    That was Christopher, the alcoholic with whom I lived 6 months before he died of advanced stage liver disease. You would think I would have finally learned my lesson from that incident, but a month after his passing, I moved another man in with me the day I met him. My loneliness and self worth just led me to do reckless things again and again.

    Even with Right, there was danger, because he and even his mother cautioned me early in the relationship about his mental illness, and I rushed in anyway. But now I know what I am dealing with there, and it is under control.

    For me, it came down to looking at my appetites. What was I thirsting for? Was it worth the risk? I like intensity too. I am learning safe ways to find intensity AND intimacy with a loving man.

  180.  #180LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 6:06 pm


    Oh wow SG,

    Funny about road assistance, lol 🙂

    When I got off work to go home today, my car wouldn’t start.
    I went back to the building entrance where I ran into 3 guys from my work.

    1 of them was on break and had to go back to work, but he said “Hey you guys, if you don’t have booster cables, go in my truck and take mine.”

    The 2nd guy said “I’m sure your battery died, I’ll help you out and boost it for ya.” He was wearing a crisp white shirt (yikes going under my hood)

    The 3rd guy came along and helped out.

    I said “at a time like this, I feel so glad and thankful I work with such a bunch of great guys!”

    The 1st guy went back into work and told my “old flame”…who texted me “why didn’t you tell me you were stuck? I would have helped you!”

    I called D, he immediately said “I’ll go right away!”
    I said “No no, my car is fine now, I got coworkers to boost the battery. I just wanted to know if you can pick me up at the garage, I’ll leave it there so they can install a new battery.”
    He said “No way, I’ll go buy you a battery and install it myself in no time. Just go home and I’ll meet you there.”

    He showed up with his son, it’s his father-son bonding night.
    It took him 10 minutes.
    He was leaving to take his son out to dinner.
    I hugged him, said a warm “Thank you”.
    AND, I said to his son “Thank you for lending me your dad on your time.”
    He gave me a big grin 🙂

    I was thinking about it afterwards and noticed:
    I loved having all these men’s attention, I felt comfortable…and never once did that old NV say I wasn’t worthy!
    I used to feel uncomfortable and unworthy having even 1 man’s attention and getting his help, nevermind a bunch!
    That is so new to me! Yey for healing! 😀

  181.  #181Rachel R on April 16, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    mmm….I feel triggered…like in a good way…making me dig in and feel wath it is I feel about intensity…
    Intensity to me ,yes, feels neutral in its pure state at an energetic level….than i feel i can use it for good or bad…like any ”force” …Its like playdo…I feel i can mold it as I wish…

  182.  #182LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 6:21 pm



    I love how you make your own way.

    You always have Rori’s guidelines and tools in the back of your mind, and if you feel like doing different, well then that’s what you need to do.

    If leaning forward was not the right move, then you will experience the bad feeling of it and it will bring you to a new learning level.
    If leaning forward was the right move, then you will feel like a rockstar.
    There is no right or wrong in my book, just how it makes you feel about it and how you deal with it.

  183.  #183Daria on April 16, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    the only thing i ever wanted men for was to raise my flashy status,

    i never was into getting protected i thought that would mean i wasnt enough or brave or powerful

    and i do remember even before that flash which was the first time i Wanted and chased

    i liked this boy who was quiet downstairs and he was kinda absentlike i think and i was grimacing thinking that smiling would look sexy to boys at my 5th birthday


    now that ive gotten at the root of my desire for flashy status and ive chosen not to judge it i can FEED IT

    and heal it and

    be open to something new

    a man that is not for my wounds but just to build with

    why not?



    i might be a lesbian after all who knows after i heal all this!

    likely not tho

  184.  #184Daria on April 16, 2012 at 6:27 pm

    Aoril Rose – fly means fly , you know?

    it is sister w gorgeus looking cool and flashy

    its FLY its own adjective 🙂

  185.  #185April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    Whoa, Radiant,

    That ‘poison’ joke. That triggers me to feel panic. I judge that as coming from a sophisticated and twisted sense of humour. Can’t help but feel some admiration for it too. Yet it seems cold and devoid of compassion (again I notice I am judging). But it could be that he simply delighted in seeing the effect (large reaction from you) without any thought of malice on his part.

    Is there something in you that loves these men, more than ‘milder’ men?

  186.  #186Daria on April 16, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    im realizing this is my pomba gira goddess no wonder shes into pimps and flashyness and magic and gyspsy travel i SEE U POMBA THANK YOU!

  187.  #187Daria on April 16, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    an my bellydancing and interest in exotic stuff and all that

  188.  #188Daria on April 16, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    April Rose – fly is when someone or some object is particuarly magical and it has that shiny attractive GLOW and it looks almost Wet… another word for fly

    like in the books when everything is drab but just one object is all glowy and sparkly and you know its special and magical and it just draws you and you go WOW omg

    and you feel it! feel like exhilarated and drawn to it

    that feels fly

  189.  #189Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 6:40 pm

    Thanks sirens!!! I feel all tingly and excited. It’s the horomones and endorphins…. but wowza!

  190.  #190LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 6:42 pm



    That thought still crosses my mind.
    I used to be so afraid of that, that it paralyzed me in all my relationships and the guy ended up feeling like I wasn’t interested…and I always ended up in a bad relationship.
    OK, some guys weren’t right for me, and I ended up staying just to be with a man.
    Some guys were good for me, and ended up being bad bc I seemed disinterested by being paralyzed in fear.
    So either way, that fear is no good for both reasons: It keeps you ‘from’ a good guy, and it keeps you ‘with’ a bad guy.

    That fear still creeps up on me a little bit, but it no longer overpowers me and paralyzes me.
    Men all around are being much warmer and friendlier towards me.
    Just the fact that I have more men around is a sign that my healing changed my vibe to attract them.

    My gf and I were talking about being afraid of feeling oppressed.
    We vowed to never oppress our need to be with the girls sometimes and do girly stuff together.
    She told her man that she wanted to go visit with her old friends by herself over the weekend.
    She just needed a break from the routine and get back in touch with herself and her old ‘pre-man’ friends.
    He reacted really well and was quite supportive.

  191.  #191LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 6:43 pm


    Daria, you are so fly! 🙂

  192.  #192Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    Yay Turquoise!

    Did you talk to the plane guy over the phone? I’m a very careless person but I think I’d like to meet someone first if I am going on his plane.. assuming he is not the pilot.. but if he is – how good is he??

  193.  #193Susan on April 16, 2012 at 6:48 pm

    I know I haven’t posted in a while…

    Things are going very well. Sweet Man and I have decided to move in together starting in September. We are waiting because he doesn’t want to make my daughter feel uncomfortable by moving in while she lives with me. She moves out to go to university in August.

    He behaves wonderfully towards me. I feel so fortunate.

  194.  #194Starla on April 16, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    wowwww ladies, i did it, i went to this fitness class and i actually did it all. and all the guys are so fine and helpful. i felt like they wanted me there. i will definitely be back.

    i’m not gonna lie…i am pining like crazy for CF. it’s actually getting more and more intense as the days go on.

    i’ve leaned back completely, though. i want this pining feeling to kind of die down before i make any moves (if i do). i need to keep taking care of me.

    going to throw a salmon in the oven and stretch my poor muscles!

    i could barely even walk up the steps onto the train! lol!

    lizka how do you work out so much? haha i wanna be like lizka with a hot hot body. minus the 20 mile runs. f*ck that 😀

  195.  #195Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    I am wondering – should I lean back after our nice and long phone conversation today or ask how he is feeling tomorrow? He sounded pretty sick.. and I do want to be pursued 😉

  196.  #196Lizka on April 16, 2012 at 7:01 pm

    Awww thank you Lili. What you said feels good. I did it really because I had no expectation and I didn’t feel like I was chasing. Like I did not propose to show him my car as an excuse to see him, just because I wanted to show my car to someone. I think I did a good thing. He responded very nicely to it. Anyway, I feel good and so far, nothing wrong came out of it. It’s better than overanalyzing on this and that. I felt like doing it so I did it. Yoou are right. If it was a wrong thing to do, it would have at least be an experience.

    Starla – you are cute. You can run just a few miles and I’m sure you’ll get good results too! And I feel a little fat lately. I had a foot problem and I haven’t run in a week… It still hurts so I don’t know when I’ll be able to run again… This weekend hopefuly. In the mean time, I try to eat better so I don’t gain to much wait. xoxo

    Good night sirens, I’m off to bed! Tomorrow I might have my new car if everything finally get fix with the credit!


  197.  #197Starla on April 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    call up daria at 1800-im-so-fly

  198.  #198Lizka on April 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    And PS Lili, right now, I do feel like a rockstar. 🙂

  199.  #199Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    Hey Radlove – i found myself judging myself in my choice of men and ppeople too!

    and thinking ok THIS time i shoulda listened to my mom when she told me to be scared… and careful

    and you know what! ITS NOT TRUE FOR ME!

    i am attracted to this because i really can connect with the soul of humans and i can see through the judgements on them!

    and im ALIVE and HEALTHY and HAPPY now and I STILL connecte iwth peopole that others might feel scared of

    its a GIFT and a BLESSING and its actually SAFE and WONDERFUL!

    Im looking forward to getting even more joy out of my gift of not getting fooled by appearances or what is said to be

    I have so much passion and actaully TRUST IN LIFE AND IN MYSELF AND IN THE LOVE OF HUMANITY due to my experiences

    somehow i always knew that the people people say were ‘bad’ and ‘dangerous’ are actually ‘good’ and have and share love too!

    it’s just a sham, that fear stuff!

    it really really has been worth it and amazign and i feel BLESSED and HONORED to have this GIFT of being drawn to what’s called bad and seeing the love and innocence in it

    I LOVE MY BROTHERS, I LOVE ME! I LOVE nature, I love wild animals, I love spiders, I love my SCAR!

    I am for real and Im TRUSTING me more babysteps and babysteps

  200.  #200Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Thanks Lilibee!

  201.  #201Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Hello 🙂 you called Daria at 1 800 im so fly 🙂

    it feels great to hear from you !!

  202.  #202April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Thanks Daria.

    I feel fly on the inside!

  203.  #203April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Just gotta get the outside to match!

  204.  #204Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    Memulo – I would lean back and create lovely thoughts of myself of him healing and being drawn to me “My words are medicine for your soul”

    “I am the air you need to breathe”

    Then when he contacts you, the energy will feel so romantic, you’ll feel feminine and great!

  205.  #205April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    I don’t look so fly in my flower-patterned PJ’s.

    Night night. Sweet dreams of true love….

  206.  #206Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:09 pm

    April Rose – flyness ALWAYS shows on the outside so its already glowing all through you !

    Magical April Rose!

  207.  #207Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Starla…. hope the email/photo thing blows over…. very good reminder to me to NEVER send any pics I wouldn’t want my mother to see!!! Speaking of my mom, I called and we had a very nice chat tonight and I told her about all my upcoming dates and we laughed and talked and reminiced (sp) about some of the guys she dated before she met my stepdad. It felt fun to connect with her woman to woman. She’s going to keep my girls Saturday night, so I can go flying with M!

    Memulo… he did call me and I asked how long he’s been flying, he said 6 years and he told me about his instructor. He teased me first and said 2 weeks and I said I wouldn’t be putting my life in his hands then. 🙂 It’s a little scary and thrilling and I’m sure I’ll be nervous…. but I am so looking forward to a new experience! I haven’t been on a small plane like that in years…. and one of my biggest passions is travel, and here is a guy who offered to take me to the beach, NYC (which I have never been to) and Niagra Falls…. all in one conversation! I may not get further than Kent, Ohio which is where we are going Saturday night for dinner, but it feels so fun to think about, and such a reminder that we really don’t know who all is out there for us.

    I have to admit to still thinking about C a lot and still wishing he’d come home, but wishing and thinking about him aren’t going to make it happen. I feel ready to have some fun, and put CDing into practice~ 🙂

  208.  #208April Rose on April 16, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Oooh, Daria,

    I feel warm and shimmery and seen.

    Love you.

  209.  #209Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 7:14 pm

    Memulo, liked that he joked with you about being hot and sexy. Why don’t you wait and see if he calls you tomorrow before thinking about if you should call him. Just see what happens, and be surprised. 🙂

    Lizka, so glad you like the job!!!! And sharing your excitement with ATW sounds like it went well. 🙂 Can’t wait to hear about your new car! Post some pics on FB! 🙂

  210.  #210Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm

    Turquoise, enjoy your date!!

  211.  #211Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:18 pm

    April Rose – i bet you do!

    Im looking fly in my plaid pattern pjs! Pjs are the flyest!

  212.  #212Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 7:19 pm

    Daria and Turquoise,

    Thank you for a good advice 😉 Leaning back is fun!

  213.  #213LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 7:20 pm

    I reread Rori’s post.

    Ya know, the best friend I ever had, with whom I felt the most comfortable with…was never judgemental, but rather curious.
    She would ask me questions to make sure she ‘got’ me.
    She would always ask me “how do you feel about that?” and “how would you feel if you did this or that?”
    It was always about how I felt with her.
    And she was always about how she felt.
    She’s very inspiring, has miraculously shifted her own life by following her feelings.

    I miss her. OK, I need to call her sometime very soon.

  214.  #214Memulo on April 16, 2012 at 7:21 pm

    Niagara Falls – Canadian side is the best lol. Don’t miss the butterfly conservatory and the botanical garden 😉

  215.  #215Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    this is so cute! one of my favorite online papis who talked to me on the phone and made me feel way better when i was upset

    hadnt contacted me in awhile

    and now he did and hes like, i lightweight miss u but u made me mad

    and im like i feel shocked… thank u for letting me know… wahtsup?

    and he’s like

    “you told me to call you and when i did you picked up and hugn up on me”

    AWWWWWW (((papi)))

    i feel so touched and warmed hehehehee



    i feel so good

  216.  #216LiliBee on April 16, 2012 at 7:26 pm


    So good to get news from you Susan! 🙂

    It feel good and inspiring to see all is still going well in your love life.

    Thank you for sharing and giving us all hope.

  217.  #217Daria on April 16, 2012 at 7:26 pm

    heeee 🙂 cute message from another man:

    “i see ima have to message you first…lol i was trying to wait it out and see if you was going to hit me but i see thats never gonna happen…lol whats up with you though im very much interested”

  218.  #218Starla on April 16, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    i did it i did it i did it, yay, love to me!!! i keep picking myself up and keep on trucking. because i deserve a beautiful, wonderful life, and to try to be as happy as possible even with a bunch of nightmares happening.

  219.  #219Starla on April 16, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    i put up a beaming and excited facebook status update about how excited i am about the gym, but now i feel self conscious and like i’m ‘trying too hard’

  220.  #220Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    Starla, you can always delete it if you don’t feel good anout it now.

  221.  #221Starla on April 16, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    i did. well…actually…i made it so only i could see it. because the enthusiasm really is just for me. so now i can bask in it and enjoy the status update as a reminder of how nice my life can be without worrying what other people will think.

  222.  #222Daria on April 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm


  223.  #223Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 8:23 pm

    Perfect Starla!

  224.  #224Tiffany on April 16, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    Radlove – Wow, thank you! (#10)

    That felt really validating, and I am amazed at how several of us have had similar experiences with our mothers. I feel warm, accepted and appreciated on the blog right now, even for feeling the way I feel, and that feels great.

    I can definitely understand needing your own space and quiet…it makes a big difference for me.

    (((hugs))) to you, too 🙂

  225.  #225Tiffany on April 16, 2012 at 8:38 pm

    Ladies, I am so proud of myself!

    Okay, tere’s this guy, J, whom you may remember, who I saw once – once! I went to his house, and he gave me food and we made out, and he was very hot, but we did not have sex. Later on, I made a painting of him, because he just had this beautiful face that I wanted to remember…

    So, mostly I keep the painting to the wall, so that I don’t have to look at it. But, without fail, whenever I turn it around, he always “shows up”! It’s true. This time, it took a little bit longer, but lo and behold, he sent me an email yesterday!

    And this is the guy who lives half an hour away, and has a car, yet he expects me to always go out to see him (even though I don’t have a car, and it takes me well over an hour to get there). And then he always acts disappointed when I say no. as if! lol

    So this time, it was the same deal. He said hi. Then he said he wanted to get together. I said sure. And then he expected me to go to his house. Whatever.

    The reason I feel proud of myself is that, whereas in the past, I’ve gotten all worked up about it, and felt he was being unreasonable and this and that, and usually got upset and “stormed out” of the conversation (as much as you can do that over email…) This time I remained much more calm.

    He’s been incredibly persistent in asking me to come to him. But I’ve just calmly held my line. I even wrote, “Sweetie, you know I can’t do that…” I called him “honey,” I called him “darling.” I’m being so super nice. But I’m simply not going to move my boundaries for him. I told him he can come to me, if he wants to see me, and that’s it.

    So then he proceeded to call me “stubborn.” Haha. Which, of course, is funny, because the way I see it, he is being rather stubborn, I must say. A case of projection, perhaps? 😉 (though I didn’t say this to him, I just thought it.) And anyway, he contacted me. So I simply told him that, that being the case, I expected him to make an effort, and without that, I had no way of reciprocating.

    Well, we’ll see if the message gets across. I’m not holding my breath. I’m just enjoying my quiet evening to myself… : )

    It’s funny because, as you may know, I’ve been in the mood for some random sex, and I’m pretty sure he would be a good hook-up (though a lousy boyfriend – ha!) And yet, I am still not so desperate that I am going to haul myself all the way out to his house, just because he wants to see me…

    Oh, and I forgot to mention – I do actually have my friend’s car this week. I could, technically, go out there. But you know what? I don’t have to. And I don’t want to. And I’m not going to. So there. Just because I have a car, does *not* mean I get to drive to him.

    I’m the girl. He gets to come to me. 🙂 That’s how it works.

    And if not, then…see ya later! 🙂

    adios muchacho


    I feel pretty good about that…

  226.  #226Tiffany on April 16, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    Oh yeah – and right now, I am flirting with a cute little 26-year-old from the Indian dating site. teehee! : )

    Actually, he’s probably not that little… 😉

  227.  #227Tiffany on April 16, 2012 at 8:51 pm

    Here’s the other weird thing about J…

    This morning I woke up with a puffy left eyelid. It’s just kind of randomly puffy, and it hurts. So I’m doing salt water on it, and all that. I have no idea, maybe a little something got in there and irritated it.

    But it’s weird, because the last time I had a puffy eyelid (the same eyelid), it was the day after I made out with J at his house.

    At the time, it felt like my body was trying to tell me something – like, hey, this guy is not good for you. Pay attention.

    This time, it’s almost like my body is preemptively telling me not to get involved with this man….Not like I was ever going to his house anyway. I might have considered it for like .00002 seconds, but No way! That just feels bad to me….

    And he suggested Skype. But I am not doing Skype… I got better things to do tonight!

  228.  #228Starla on April 16, 2012 at 9:07 pm

    i am starting to give in more to what is and feeling good about it. everything is perfect as it is.

    good night, sirens:)

  229.  #229Starla on April 16, 2012 at 9:08 pm

    Tiffany, my body tries to warn and protect me too!

  230.  #230Turquoise on April 16, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    So all the hoopla and excitement has worn off…. and I’m sitting here with my feelings, and still missing C. Sigh, I love me and my real feelings.

  231.  #231Daria on April 16, 2012 at 10:24 pm

    omgosh… was feelin sad gettin flaked on …

    and the sky had gone gray and i didnt feel like goin out

    and i didnt get into my fly outside outfit

    but now i went to clean my shoes for my fly outfit and i was feelin way better!

  232.  #232Daria on April 16, 2012 at 10:28 pm

    now my hand feels tired of scrubbing

  233.  #233Daria on April 16, 2012 at 10:38 pm


  234.  #234Daria on April 16, 2012 at 10:45 pm


  235.  #235Daria on April 16, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    feelin so lonely

    what are the thoughts goin?

    mm im still not really cared aobut or included

    ok shifted that did actually feel better

    now also

    everyone always has fun stuff to do and people to hang out with and studios to be at but not me

    if i was a guy i would get swooped up by my firends

    i hate these fake bit*ches


    ‘you’re pathetic’


    i just shifted some of these beliefs and im feeling all much better



    not feelin sad no more

    jus kina smily

  236.  #236Daria on April 16, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    wow I AM good

  237.  #237Daria on April 16, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    i shifted the belief “i should be doing somethign fun out the house”

    and i felt way better 🙂

    i mean im really feelin all chill an ish!

  238.  #238Jessie1000 on April 16, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    You know what…maybe Im not afraid he will cheat on me. Maybe I am afraid he will forget me.
    Like i guess an overfunctioner works so hard to deserve love.
    So not working hard to deserve love makes me think all the time that I am going to be forgotten if I take time for myself.
    My counsellor suggested that in the first 6 months I should only see one guy 3-4 time a week….to lower the intensity.
    So last friday, i pretended I was super tired. I yawned alot and actually whenever he wants to see me, I swear, I cant sleep if I tried. I could hear his call, be asleep on the couch, wake right up and jump up and put on make up…(im disgusting for his attention lol)
    All Friday night I had the worst thoughts. Panic! Terrible. I thought for sure by pretending to be tired that one night, he would forget me, leave me, shag someone else, and totally hate me the next time he saw me….lol
    It was completely Irrational.
    I rested and then saturday when I saw him…I couldnt stop sucking up to him….LIKE i had done him wrong!
    He really didnt care.

    Breaking patterns…hate it.
    I actually thought at one point of the night that I might lose it…lol
    Saturday I was insecure and gross and needy and I couldnt believe what was coming out of me….then he was kind of backed away cause I was all over him …like grateful he still wanted me…lol
    He totally had the power that night and was kind of chuckling at me cause I am usually so cool and play it so quietly….
    The day was like agony.

    Oh well, I lived through the first night of breaking a pattern.
    I didnt realize how engrained it was to never take time for myself….im sure i do it to my kids too and I am going to think about that now….cause I often would rather do anything but take time for myself rather than do things with the kids…I slave for them and my friends always say i am so unbalanced….lol

    I feel good that I very poorly came through the first night of operation–4 times a week only

    Sunday I pretended that I had big plans with my friend M. and so I made it through week 1 of only 4 times a week.

    I wonder if I feel so scared because it reminds me of how my parents forgot me
    I worry that anyone I leave alone will forget me like my parents have cut me off.
    I worry too much.
    Im still going to try though….4 times a week if it kills me….No changes in him yet but im hoping that it pays off soon…..
    he hasnt really noticed….

  239.  #239Silver Moonbeam on April 16, 2012 at 11:44 pm

    Wow Turquoise!!! I am SOOO impressed at your CD’ing, and your date with Pilot has to be the FLYEST, coolest, most exciting first date I ever heard of, sounds like James Bond or something!! Hope he looks like Daniel Craig too 😉

  240.  #240Tiffany on April 16, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Dominique – what a beautiful message you wrote in #79. 🙁 My heart is breaking for her, too – but breaking in a good way, if you know what I mean. It’s like they say, sometimes when our hearts break, they break open…

  241.  #241Tiffany on April 17, 2012 at 12:07 am

    Dang, I just finally finished doing my taxes online, and I’m very proud of that. But then there was a snag in filing. Luckily, I can take care of it tomorrow morning – I hope! My eyes hurt…

    Good night, sirens!

    Btw, I read the message from VM, and I have to say that I didn’t like it at all. He said we can talk, but that he doesn’t want to “lead me on” that we might have a relationship. Wtf?? I don’t want to lead HIM on – I don’t want a relationship!! So why do I want to talk?? I don’t know. Maybe I don’t. Maybe I’ve forgotten whatever it was I wanted to say to him. I kind of have. It doesn’t really matter. He said call him after Sunday, and it’s after Sunday. And I don’t want to call him. I feel tired of this. I don’t want to drag it out.

    Maybe I’ll write back to him tomorrow. We’ll see. I just want to move on from this. It was all really devastating, and maybe part of me just still wants him to “see” me, but that’s probably not going to happen. I know he’s not right for me. I haven’t said as much to him yet, but I know it’s true. I really liked him. I was excited about him, when he was coming toward me. But he’s not, and he’s not “there” – and I don’t WANT him. I feel utterly turned off by him now. There’s nothing there.

    So maybe there’s not any point in “talking” even if all I do is express myself in feeling statements, etc. Especially since that could just be torture for me, being that he seems to have a deficiency in addressing emotions. So i may be just throwing myself on the fire there, which I really don’t want to do.

    But I’m not making any decisions right now. I’m too tired, and I have work tomorrow.

    Good night, ladies!!

  242.  #242Radlove on April 17, 2012 at 1:09 am

    I recently referred to an Elvis Presley movie where he took a low position so a woman would choose him for him, not for his money.

    It is on right now: Clambake! I think this is the one.

  243.  #243Daria on April 17, 2012 at 2:16 am


    Thank you for loving me .

    Thank you for putting me wherein can find me : online.

    Thank you for starting to wash my shoe

    Thank you for makin me a bath

  244.  #244mali on April 17, 2012 at 3:53 am

    Oh, Dominique… your post in 79 was so beautiful, you have such a way with words in expressing emotion. Thankyou <3

  245.  #245Turquoise on April 17, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Good morning sirens,

    I woke up feeling kinda blah. Like I didn’t get enough sleep, could care less about my dates coming up and feel like being really introspective today. Feel like concentrating on disecting these feelings and getting to the root of what they mean.

    Am I just tired? No… actually feel awake, alert….

    Am I lonely? I wish I had someone to snuggle with at night. My bed feels empty.

    Am I excited about my dates? While it will be fun to go out, meet new people and try new things, I don’t feel like any of them are my one. I know that’s limiting, I haven’t even met them yet…. maybe they’ll blow me away…..

    But my heart is aready given to someone else and I need to get it back. The best way to do that, love myself MORE than I love him. Yes, I will love myself more than anyone else today. That feels relieving. Like a plan to put into action. Something to get me through my day.

  246.  #246Turquoise on April 17, 2012 at 4:27 am

    Rori, I like this article, good reminder of how to talk with other people, to not tell people what to do, how being triggered is about me, and what I need to think about and figure out.

  247.  #247Turquoise on April 17, 2012 at 4:31 am

    One thing I do want to focus on, is something I put in my universe box….. the word RAISE! I got my raise at this time last year….. and while the company is pretty broke, I’m really hoping we get raises again. Gas prices are ridiculous here, we’ve been super busy lately, and I need to make more money, to save for a car. Somehow things always seem to work out when I really need them…. so I’m going to trust that this will work itself out also.

  248.  #248Turquoise on April 17, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Hi Silver Moonbeam…. Thanks for the excitement about my date, should be fun and definitely a unique first date! Unfortunately, he doesn’t look like James Bond, and he’s short lol…. but he has dark hair and green eyes, which I love.

    He and Ohio both call me baby sometimes though, and I don’t know if I like it. C never called me that, his words were honey and dear, so it’s different. I’d like to figure out why that’s triggering me, just a little.

  249.  #249Turquoise on April 17, 2012 at 4:54 am

    Where is everyone this morning???? Hope you all have wonderful days!!!

  250.  #250Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Good morning, Turquoise! 🙂

  251.  #251Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 5:28 am

    So, Jack CD recently told me that he has been praying for me. and instead of using a feeling message in response, I just kind of gushed “awww, that’s really sweet! Thank you!”

    Jack CD has been stepping up and instead of feeling happy, I feel so scared. This is an old pattern and it HAS to stop. My fear is a huge part of what sabbatoges my relationships.

  252.  #252ulii on April 17, 2012 at 5:29 am


    I´m glad your first day went well! Sure you’ll have a fun training period with the group! Hope to see a picture of your new car in FB.

    Regarding to call ATW, i agree with LiliBee, the feeling tells you. 🙂

    And, I’m going to start running today. Thank you Lizka & Starla for the inspiration! Although I’m really quite out of shape. So starting with a really short distance and maybe walking in between.
    Otherwise I turn all red in my face — well, probably I’ll be read anyway, as I have this white sensitive skin that reacts to all external factors as heat, cold, physical effort, alcohol really strongly. I might try that yougurt-mask really soon too. Thank you for the advice to Dominique & Starla!

  253.  #253Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 5:33 am

    Hi Turquoise, I’m here for a bit!

    So after all there was something that EC wanted to tell me, but it wasn’t that “profound”, unfortunately! lol!

    I forgive him for not being able to express his feelings, I just hope it will come in time.

    Anyway, he felt “off” the other day because he’s anxious to start working. He’s fed up with being on unemployment and feels like he’s wasting his time.

    I can’t totally get that. He’s been out of work since November 19. Last year, he started working on March 6. So yeah, a whole month and a half is a big gap. It’s just that they have to wait until the temperature gets warmer to start working.

    In the meantime, though, we worked on the flower patch in front of his house yesterday. It was fun, I love getting my hand dirty!

  254.  #254Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 5:35 am

    I mean “hands”, of course.

  255.  #255Turquoise on April 17, 2012 at 5:35 am

    Good morning butterfly!

    Chemist texted me: 4 days! – he’s counting down until our date.

    Pilot texted me: Good morning beautiful. I just wanted to wish you a happy day.

    Awe, the attention feels good…. and I feel like this is uncharted territory for me, to date 4 men at once, lol… so it’s ok to fall in the soup, because this is different for me, and I have to feel my way through it.

    Sigh, love to me. Love to my feelings! I have two crabby little girls this morning, not helping my mood, but, love them to pieces, even when they are crying and pouting over hair (9 year old) and rolling their eyes at me (11 year old) about bra straps NOT showing.

  256.  #256Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 5:37 am

    Well, I just thought that I shouldn’t say it wasn’t profound, I feel like I’m judging him that way. Obviously, it means a lot to him and I have to respect his feelings about that.

    Sorry (((EC))). Love you!

  257.  #257Turquoise on April 17, 2012 at 5:43 am

    Just completed an emergency bangs trim on my 9 year old…. the tears have ceased, lol. Then I broke a glass. Not sure what this day has in store for me, but please be gentle!!!!!!!

    Good morning Francesca! I know being out of work can be really tough on a man, and a relationship. I remember how hard it was on my parents when my dad was out of work. That is wonderful you can be supportive, and understanding. And, working in the dirt, to make something grow, sounds like a fantastic way to spend time together to me. 🙂

    I am off to work, will try and check in from my phone. Miss chatting with you ladies. All this chatting with men, is taking up a lot of time!!

  258.  #258Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 5:45 am

    He’s been listening to me and asking my questions about my past relationships, and I feel safe with him when he does this (I normally don’t feel safe when guys try to talk about past relationships. I normally feel scared and threatened and get really defensive. Maybe because I felt like guys would do it too soon, but the timing just feels right when Jack CD asks…)

    anyway, he’s helped me to realize something about myself. I’m so used to guys doing ALL of the work in relationships that I usually fail to hold up my end of the relationship by RESPONDING.

    At first, it was because I was genuinely oblivious.

    Later, I would know without a doubt that a guy was interested and even cared about me deeply, but I would throw up my emotional walls and not let them in because of my terror and fear of intimacy.

    and I would always be in these long and emotionally intimate “friendships” that would end with me heartbroken because I had failed to open myself up enough.

    and Jack CD has been helping me realize this.

    I’ve never had a guy notice that about me, or tell me that he noticed it about me, or at least ask things about me that would help me realize it about myself.

    I talked to Jack CD about this one guy I liked when I was a teenager that I was absolutely crazy about, and Jack CD just listened and asked me questions about our entire relationship without getting jealous, which felt really unusual and nice.

    and he made me realize that that the guy cared a lot more about me then I ever realized.

    and he made me realize that my mom tried to sabatage that relationship.

    the guy was a lot older than me, and she was probably scared of losing me, I don’t know.

    but looking back on my relationships or non-relationships, as the case may be, I can really see this pattern, and I don’t know if I would’ve seen it if it weren’t for Jack CD.

  259.  #259Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 5:47 am

    @254 Turquoise – awww, crabby little girls. Someday, I hope I can have some crabby little girls.

  260.  #260ulii on April 17, 2012 at 5:52 am

    Yesterday I had a really low-feeling day. All NVs getting loud in my head. How I am not worth anything, how I never get anything done or how I´m not good at anything. How unlikable, unlovable and invisible I am, etc etc.

    I know this is not true, but often I tend to feel these feelings that result in being stuck. And it also results in me concentrating my attention elsewhere and not dealing with my feelings (I guess it was you Healing Waterfall to say that sometimes you just cathegorize the feelings instead of feeling them? – I think that’s also what I’m doing).

    So I just decided to start slow with baby-steps. But I want to start to love myself more and take good care of me. (Here I find Starla’s post with thank-you lists to yourself really inspirational.) First to find out what are some little things I could do to start to like myself more.

    And I found the first things are good sleep, healthy food & physical activity. So I got some healthy food (more green vegetables, fruits, organic products), today I´m going running and yesterday night I already went to sleep half an hour earlier I went the day before. Still too late, but even that half an hour is a baby-step to taking better care of myself.
    Today I´m feeling much better. 🙂

  261.  #261Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 5:56 am

    Yes, Turquoise, it’s tough for him…and for me. Some days, I’d like him to be gone so that I can get back into my routine and perhaps feel the same way I felt when we started dating, even though we saw each other only once a month.

    But it’s been a year now, and things have changed.

    I know he will be happier when he gets back to his 10-hour work days! 🙂

  262.  #262Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 5:57 am

    Ulii, there are days like that. Somehow, they make you appreciate the good days even more, right?

    Gotta finish get ready for work. TTYL!

  263.  #263Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 6:00 am

    I feel sad for all the guys in my past.

    I feel sad for my past self, and how she didn’t know much, or how if she did know, how she was too scared or confused or too busy hating herself to open up.

    I feel in awe of Jack CD, for figuring me out and for being so brave and perceptive.

    I feel shy to see Jack CD again, because I feel forgiveness and love and curiousity and wonder bubbling up for him.

    I feel sad for how bad I used to treat men, and I feel even more sad for how bad I treated myself.

    I forgive you.
    It’s okay.
    They forgive you too.
    They can see your pain.
    YOU can see your pain.
    You’re letting it go.
    You’re letting yourself go.
    Today is a new day.

    To love yourself.

    and to love all the people who’ve been desperately trying to love you, but who you wouldn’t let love you.

    Dear butterfly, dear everyone:

    I give you permission to forgive me.
    I give you permission to love me!

  264.  #264Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 6:03 am

    @259 Yay, Ulli! I’ve had those feelings too. I feel so proud of you for taking care of yourself. It feels inspirational to read about!

  265.  #265Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:05 am


    You sound wonderful, have a nice day too 😉

  266.  #266Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:06 am

    I wonder where FW is.. i may have missed a few posts but I don’t remember many comments from her lately and I hope she is just taking her time away temporarily and everything is well in her world.

  267.  #267Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 6:07 am

    Thanks for asking about me Memulo. All is well.

  268.  #268Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 6:09 am

    I feel so warm and happy seeing Sirens support each other. ((((Memulo)))) ((((Femininewoman))))

  269.  #269ulii on April 17, 2012 at 6:10 am

    Thanks Francesca & Iamabutterfly! I feel acknowledged!! 🙂

  270.  #270Starla on April 17, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Life feels heavy but I just keep on keepin on. I miss CF terribly. But then again, I feel good about all this space to make big changes in my life for my well being. I think about him sooooo much, every day more and more.

    When I was working out yesterday, I don’t think I thought of him even once!

    I’ll just keep on keepin on. I have faith that even though I think a whole lot about him and feel really sad without him, that I can still be me and I can still have a fabulous life and experience on this planet.

    I didn’t want to go to a concert tonight because it would remind me of CF and I can already feel how hard it will be to resist contacting him when I am that strongly reminded of him, or just to tell him about the amazing concert that he would have enjoyed. But my buddy is insisting that I come out. That it will be good for me and that he wants to go to this show with me and introduce his friend.

    But I feel tired and sad and don’t want to go to this show.

    Ack, I don’t know what to do with myself! lol

  271.  #271Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:14 am


    I wish I could run too lol. Staying with my parents translates into eating and eating because I am being fed non-stop. But I can’t run really due to an old sports injury so you’re a lucky girl if you can, make the most out of it 😉

  272.  #272April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 6:14 am

    I feel shakey.
    Full of hopes and dreams, unmanifested.

    Full of feelings, raw and joyous. Despair and defeat.

    Full of judgement. I am bad. I am selfish. I am useless.

  273.  #273Amy on April 17, 2012 at 6:14 am

    Hi ladies, I have been reading this blog for a while, but have never posted on it. Today though I am at a lost and I need some real help. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years…we live together (have been for about a year). I thought we were going pretty well, except I don’t feel as if we are close to being engaged/married and I won’t lie, I really want that. I am ready…I am 31 and he is 36. I have been trying to CD myself, hang out with friends and family, do things that make me happy, etc. Most of the time I do feel happy and good with things, but these past few weeks I have been feeling quite sad and disconnected. Both from myself and boyfriend. It is really weighing on me that we aren’t taking those steps to be married…and he did tell me back on NYE that he doesn’t see himself marrying me because of the way I clean the house. (Yes he really said that) So that brings me to my problem…. Last night he said the same thing to me. He had been drinking all day, but he started to talk to me about what has been weighing on his mind and he said that he thinks a lot about how the house is messy and how I don’t clean the way he thinks it should be done…I half a*s it. I asked him how he thinks I half a*s it. He said I half a*s a lot of things and that I don’t make things happen for myself. Again, I ask why and how he felt like that. He said he didn’t know, he just does. I said do you not think I work for things in my life…he said I did. So I asked again, what do I do half a*s. He said he didn’t know, but I don’t clean the way he wants to and that he couldn’t think of raising kids with someone that doesn’t have his same values. I said what about cleaning and doing things full heartly. He said yes. I this really about cleaning? He said yes it was a deal breaker to him. I am lost… I don’t understand at all. I clean the house at least once a week, but he comes right after me messing it up again. The house looks the way it does because it is his stuff all around it….clothes, work receipts, newspapers, etc. I am always finding papertowels etc all around the house. Well, I decided to get a cleaning lady to clean the house so that neither of us have to worry about it,but I still don’t feel like this will solve the problem. He obviously has deep rooted issues…whether with me, himself, both of us, etc. I asked him if he thought that he was projecting how he felt about himself onto me because everything he was saying I could say about him too. I aslso asked if he thought that he was just trying to push em away because he is so afraid of getting divorce that he wants something perfect so that it can’t be broken (which doesn’t exist in people). I just don’t know…and now I am rabbling so I will stop…but I would really appreciate some advice on what I should do next. I am just feeling so lost. Thank you!

  274.  #274ulii on April 17, 2012 at 6:14 am

    @Iamabutterfly 277, 262

    “Later, I would know without a doubt that a guy was interested and even cared about me deeply, but I would throw up my emotional walls and not let them in because of my terror and fear of intimacy.

    and I would always be in these long and emotionally intimate “friendships” that would end with me heartbroken because I had failed to open myself up enough.”

    I really do relate to this.
    I have messed up by being so afraid & and clused down and treating guys badly, because I was not ok with myself. In fact, I’m still not… but I’m on the way.. 🙂

  275.  #275Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Yay FW! We missed you here 😉

  276.  #276Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:17 am


    Why don’t you just go with the flow and attend the concert? Save resistance for a different occasion 😉

  277.  #277Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 6:20 am

    @272 Thanks, Ulii! It feels so good to know I’m not alone…

  278.  #278Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Tiffany so much of what you wrote resonates with me today.

    Regarding J, he seems like a boundary pusher so good practice holding to your boundaries and building self esteem by saying no to going over his house. Your puffy eye experience reminds me of a story Gay Hendricks told about breaking out the first time he made out with a particular woman. He also said that he should have paid attention to his body because it was an early warning sign of troubled times to come. Of course he ignored it and paid dearly later on.

    I also finally sat down and did my taxes Sunday. When I was done I asked myself again why am I so afraid of doing them and keep procrastinating. For some reason I keep telling myself that I will do it wrong somehow, it will take a lot of time and focus so I have to set aside a whole day to do them. Again I was surprised at how straightforward it was when I finished and felt really proud of myself yesterday when I put it in the mail. I am making a commitment to myself (AGAIN) to do early next time around and keep revisiting the commitment during the year.

  279.  #279ulii on April 17, 2012 at 6:23 am

    @ 270 Memulo

    In fact! I am staying with my parents too. 🙂 Luckliy thay don’t feed me too much, as everyone mostly is making their own meals due to different time-schedules, but it does get irritating sometimes…as they tend to treat me similar to my little sister who is 17 ( I´m 31). Always asking where I´m going & with whom & why I´m not sleeping yet etc. It’s after being out 10 years (4 in university and 6 living abroad).. Really annoying sometimes, but I take it as it’s funny more than triggering. 🙂

    But I’m sorry for your sports injury. Maybe walking quickly for some exercise would be ok though? I try to find parks & beaches to go to run, as it is really important not to have hard-pavement. Have to go a bot further from the city center where I live.

  280.  #280ulii on April 17, 2012 at 6:25 am

    @ 269 Starla
    I would go to the concert too.

  281.  #281April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 6:27 am


    Have you ever tried giving up sugar?

    I manage it for two or three days at a time, and by the third day (if I manage it!) I feel so much better.

    I was doing well, but just ate a piece of strawberry and white chocolate cake that I made.

  282.  #282Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 6:29 am

    @271 (((April Rose))) – You are good. You are self-loving. You are useful.

  283.  #283Coco Kisses on April 17, 2012 at 6:34 am

    I LOVE this post, this is exacly what I’ve been focusing on this week, just how to get out of my head, nd into my heart, feelings and navigate my life through this mode. It feels so much beter to express feminine energy.

    I have to say sirens, I feel mostly happy about my husband being gone. I realize he brought a lot of negative energy my way, and my overfuncioning was what was keeping the relationship going (not ha a good lovi8ng realationship feels like to me). I realize that I couldn’t share my dreams with him, and that he wasn’t supportive of who I was as a woman, he didn’t really want a future with me, which is one reason why he never wanted to make plans for our family’s future, he always made excuses like, let’s just see what happens. OMG I feel like screaming for joy that he is gone. I feel so relieved that we didn’t have any children, property, accounts, or anything of real importance together!!!! I feel open and very excied about all the beautiful things that are coming my way. I feel it!!! I will have a love of a life time. It is sad and hard when something that you wanted goes away, but in my case, after much reflection & prayer, I realize this was the BEST thing that could happen to me. Best of all I’m still young, and at the age I can have kids with a man who is IN LOVE with me, and wants me to be the mother of his children!!!! I am BLESSED, I don’t know my future, but I feel certain that i will be all sorts of shades of wonderful!!

    I choose happiness, and nobody is resopnsible for MY happiness except for ME ME ME.

    If God has removed something or someone from your life,it is for a reason, and HE is the best of planners, and best beleve he will replace it with something better.

    Love all you sirens.

    I am feeling so much love, light, joy, peace, and relief in my heart today!!!

  284.  #284Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 6:35 am

    @269 Starla – (((Hugs))) I would go if I were you. It could be a healing experience. It will probably feel a little sad if you associate going to concerts with CF, but if you keep going to concerts because it’s something you enjoy doing (which I assume it is,) you’ll start to create new memories and maybe even meet someone new when you are ready. It’s okay to feel sad and it’s okay to take it slow. But don’t not go. Don’t not live your fabulous life! *sending love your way*

  285.  #285Amy on April 17, 2012 at 6:37 am

    @282 Coco Kisses: Aww this is just what I needed to read today! Thank you!!!

  286.  #286Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 6:39 am

    Starla your friend’s advice in 136 makes sense to me if CF was offering you friendship and that was the only way to figure out what is happening between you two. I believe I saw Rori give a similar advice to someone else on the question thread.

  287.  #287ulii on April 17, 2012 at 6:42 am

    Well… I have not yet even started with the actual activities to treat myself really good, but something in my vibe must have changed.

    I got a mail from a really old flame. Actually the one I considered “the love of my life” once. I really loved being around him then, mostly because we shared a very similar sense of humor and it was really funny.
    We were friends, but I was in love and considered him my soul-mate. He treated me something between little sister and friend, and I suffered a lot. It was 10 years ago. Then I suddenly got a romantic interest in me, but it was really unexpected to me and I freaked out. There was lot of confusion & everything ended bad. Many years we didn’t see or talk to eachother. Now we have been facebook-friends for a few years, but exchanged nothing more than happy birthday-wishes.

    The mail I received was that he has been thinking about me and it would be nice to see me. He’s also looking someone to go to a little travel with him soon to France.

    So now I’m feeling quite confused and intrigued. I know during these years he was having a live-in girlfriend (maybe even wife) and a child. But I don’t know anything more about it.

    Although I still have some bittersweet memories about him, lately I didn’t have any more expectations to have connection with him ever again. So I feel quite relaxed. But I am afraid this might change. I still feel a bit fragile in being a real Siren.

    I don’t know what should I respond and if i should meet him. What do you Sirens think??

  288.  #288Starla on April 17, 2012 at 6:42 am

    ooh, fw, do you remember which question thread/what i could search for to find rori’s comment?

  289.  #289April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Thank you for the hug. It feels so good and so soft to be held in your butterfly wings.

  290.  #290April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Coco Kisses,

    I feel uplifted reading your post. You sound so sweet and happy.

  291.  #291April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 6:46 am

    Coco Kisses,

    I feel uplifted reading your post. You sound so sweet and happy.

  292.  #292Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I don’t remember which it was to be honest but I tend to read the latest one on Your Stories and Questions. However, I clearly remember the guy was inviting the girl to hang out but she was second guessing because she was not interested in friendship.

  293.  #293Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 6:51 am

    @281 Coco Kisses – I feel really nervous to write this to you having never been married myself and also not knowing more about your situation, but I feel so sad for you to give up on your marriage.

    Do you think he felt like he could share his dreams with you? (It doesn’t sound like he was sharing his dreams with you)

    were you really supportive of him as a man?

    Do you know for sure that he didn’t want a future with you?

    If he didn’t, then why did he marry you in the first place?

    Does he know that you feel like he didn’t want a future with him?

    Maybe he didn’t want to make plans for the future without more input from you.

    Maybe he felt like he was a failure because he could feel your expectations and didn’t know what exactly to do about them because not enough communication was taking place?

    Again, I don’t know much of anything. But I lost an amazing man because I was so busy in my own insecurities and desires that I failed to see HIS insecurities and desires. Praying for you and your husband. Remember that answered prayers come in a variety of forms…


  294.  #294Coco Kisses on April 17, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I’m havng another dinner party at my house this weekend, nothing like FOOD, FOLKS, & FUN, to boost your spirits!!!

  295.  #295Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 6:53 am

    Your girls want to show their bra straps? Lol that made me chuckle. I have two boys. I would adore two little girls (god I actually cried when they told me my first was a boy! i was so disappointed)

    Zee often tells me in the morning, just when Im a wreck usually, that I cant cook and if I have heard from my third husband, I break stuff all day. I now buy my dishes from the dollar store cause its not worth it to invest in anything that I will break.

    Me and my 5 year old picked worms in my garden yesterday for 2 hours….lol hes so into bugs.
    I was digging my heart out to burn off energy –gross eh?

    I know that feeling though, its like if we dont smile, the kids feel it or something subconsciously and stress out lol. Mine are little mamma boys –my 14 year old cant take his socks off unless I either help him pull them, or I at least watch him do it…I swear–he is so strange. (He says it just feels better if I help him…lol)
    How do we do all this and still raise kids?

  296.  #296Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 6:57 am

    RE 281 CoCo this might rankle you a bit but when I read the comments about your husband it struck me as creating a story about him being wrong and I wondered if you could recreate the story. A lot of it sounds like you saying that he is the reason the relationship didn’t work out. I understand about negative energy because when we change that about ourselves it is very jarring to be around people with that type of energy so it could feel like it is no longer a fit. If that is really the case and we bring back things to ourselves I wonder if we can identify how we might have put that out there in our vibe and our intentions. As such things just naturally fall into place where it just is what it is? I don’t know if this makes sense but in accepting what is can it be that we feel free and flowing with the Universe?

  297.  #297Tiffany on April 17, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Had a dream last night that there was an older man (50s or 60s, but much older than me in the dream, and with grey hair and old skin), who forced himself on me, when he was supposed to be taking care of me, and broke my pubic bone.

    When I saw him later with a group of people, I wanted to avoid him, and considered him a not-good person, but there was no “charge” to it. I simply remembered what had happened.

    I almost think he could represent VM, or some part of me, or a composite individual. He looked like a stranger. I don’t really know what it means…

  298.  #298April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 6:57 am

    I would like to take some moments to honour myself, and appreciate me for the being that I am, who finds herself upon this planet, often bewildered.

    April Rose, I feel your struggle and your desire for love. I hold you and love you when it gets tough, when loving two men feels ‘wrong’ to you.
    I will be gentle with you when you panic.

    I will remind you that you are a being made of starlight, and that you can create. You can sing songs and write beautiful plays and star in them. You can sew and print and bake cakes and experiment with non-sugar sweeteners.

    April Rose, you are my world. Through your flexible body I can dance and move in this life. I can express m feelings through my physical shapes. I never need to keep still if I don’t want to!

    Through your feelings I know that I am alive! And that I can begin again at any moment.

    I love you April Rose. I love that you have friends here who create a beautiful shared heart. I am thankful to be a part of that.

  299.  #299Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Coco I believe that recreating the story could free up some energy for a new relationship and release yourself to become curious about whoever shows up next so you can find things to appreciate

  300.  #300Mel on April 17, 2012 at 7:00 am

    Interesting revelation…

    Yesterday, Mr. A was a bit grouchy/”off”/having a crummy day… you know, just his stuff.

    I was feeling super snuggly and cuddle deprived. I commented: “It doesn’t happen often, but it feels frustratingly sucky when I’m feeling super cuddly and you’re seeming all ‘needing of space’ because it feels like we’re in two different places, and I feel lonely even though we’re in the same room.

    And he said: “Curious… I wonder if the two are related?”

    Me: “Hmmm?”

    Him: “Well, if I’m a little distant (and I probably have been…so sorry!), I wonder if you need more snuggles as a sort of comfort/reassurance?”


    Wow…. smart, smart man.

  301.  #301Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 7:01 am

    coco kisses
    Good for you girl! I was so afraid to let my second husband go…god knows why…he had a really big emotional pull for me…but once he was gone, I swear, I had no idea how much of a downer he was!
    And within a month, he came crawling back and I couldnt even remember why I wanted him!
    I went camping, dancing, fishing, clubbing, shopping, eating, I filled my friends faces with wine and good food, I found a day care for my little one, I got into my masters (he would never have let me do grad degree) OMG…so much good came later.

    Im so happy to see you feeling better and once you “break the seal” which is what my friend M. calls sleeping finally with someone cause you gave up on your Ex. lol, you might feel a whole lot better too.
    And if you have done that then good for you cause I was like my own C*** Blocker for some reason for a month and when I finally couldnt take it anymore, and made out (with my roommate lol, how inappropriate but we got married soon after)
    omg it was fantastic!

  302.  #302GivingGirl on April 17, 2012 at 7:07 am

    I haven’t had a chance to read through comments since yesterday, I have a lot of catching up to do! 🙂

    I’m feeling very happy this morning. Boat Guy text me some pics while he’s on vacation. It put a big smile on my face and just wanted to share.

  303.  #303Tiffany on April 17, 2012 at 7:11 am

    Hey, FW – thanks for the feedback!

    This guy J is definitely a boundary-pusher! lol And I’m kind of relieved, actually, that he didn’t change his mind and decide to come and see me. He’ll often lead me to believe that he’s about to, but he never does. I don’t know why he keeps asking me. I’ve told him unequivocally many times what my position is, approximately, oh, the last 5 times he’s contacted me and it hasn’t changed! My best guess is that he’s charming and attractive, and he’s used to people just doing whatever he asks. He probably doesn’t understand why *I* won’t come to him! But he doesn’t need to. It’s not important. I’m just staying comfy where I am. : )

    And the tax thing – this year I procrastinated because I was super afraid that I was going to owe a bunch of money. Turns out I’m getting a $1K refund!! lol

    All of that waiting for no good reason… 😉

  304.  #304Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 7:17 am

    April Rose
    I felt shivers when I read your post. You have a beautiful way to express yourself and it sounds so sincere–that you are in the moment of self love (wow that sounded bad lol)
    Your self reflexivity is very attractive because so many people are so self disparaging…prob. without even realizing it.
    I cant even write those words.
    I dont know why.

    It makes me feel like I will cry all day long.
    I used to drink on weekends, just so I didnt cry.

    I felt like my heart was swelled so much with emotion that it would burst if I tried to release it.

    I want to love myself.
    I want to nurture myself but I feel like being a single mom there was just no time to try.

    I want to fold up and cry and praise myself but the voices of criticism in my head just seem to drown out the little person inside me.

    Stop therapy never helped.
    Doing stuff that was kind to others always made me feel good.

    Leaning back seems to be so difficult
    Its the opposite of my nature.

    It says that I must live without overfunctioning and O.F. was my coat and I wore her till she was rags.

    I read once that children of abuse learn to care for their parents needs and never learn to be nurtured.

    Being nurtured is so strange for me…I feel dizzy and uncomfortable and like the person is trying to crawl into my head and rip me out of my nothingness.

    I feel affect. affection. buzzing. hurting. dependancy. shock. shaky. slipping. tears. aching. upset. burning. when I feel.

    April Rose, I hope you always stay in that place of love and i felt overjoyed for you today

  305.  #305Coco Kisses on April 17, 2012 at 7:24 am

    @ I am butterfly

    RE # 290

    I did not give up on my marriage. I tried EVERYTHING in my power to make it work. My husabnd gave up on our marriage and left our house, even after I told him let’s go to counseling, go to marriage seminars, etc. THis did not happen over night.

    I was a very supportive wife, I moved to my husband’s country to support him, because he wanted to be closer to his mother to give her support while his step father was dying. I left all my family, friends, and career opportunities here in the United States to support him. When we got there, he did nothing but belitle me, call me a stupid B**CH, and make me feel so bad. I never called him those names or treated him like that , I would tell him how I didn’t appreciae being called names like that and he would tell me well, you should piss me off……everytime I would try to approach him for sex, he would tell me he was tired, hen he finally came out and said he doesn’t believe that a woman should approach for sex, so I stopped approaching him for sex, and so we would go weeks without sex. He would say oh its the way u wear your hair that’s turning me off, so I would change up my hair, then he would say oh you’ve gained weight, so I’d try to drop a few pounds, then he’d say oh well you lost weight, but your butt is getting smaller (he likes big round butts). It was always an excuse for why we weren’t having sex. in the 5 years that we were together (we are still legally married), I can count on both hands the number of times my husabnd paid me a compliment like you look pretty, or that dress looks great on you. Me on the oher had, I was always telling him how handsome he looked, that he was my king (even when he wasn’t acting like one). I gave him massages, and foot rubs after work, when he came home I left notes on the door telling him that appreciate him ( I tried o compliment him on the little things he did, instead of focucing on what he didn’t do). I read relationship books, I read Men are from Mars Women are from Venus, and a plethera of other relaionship books, to work on ME and what I could be doing to contribute to relaionship books.

    I asked my husband about when we could start having children, you wnat to know what he said to me ??? He said I don’t trust you to have my kid, you are to irresopnsible, and when I asked well in what way I’m irresponsible, he couldn’t even give a saright anwser. I felt overcome with all sorts of emotins, and I asked him WHY DID YOU MARRY ME?!?!, what kind of person marrys a person they can’t see having children with. He said he married me because he ddidn’t want to lose me (I broke up with him a few years ago and told him let’s be friends, because he was making excuses about getting married, and I wanted to move on with my life).

    I always asked him what his dreams were, and whenever I would share my hopes and dreams, he’d tell me they were stupid, or that it wasn’t going to happen.

    I supported him during for 3 years when he didn’t have a job, and it was hard finding one. I never once complained, or made him feel bad about not bringing money in. I did his resumes for him, and I was the one who pushed him to go back to school again to get his degree as an aircraft mechanic. I’m the one who told him babe you are soooo smart and talented go for it.

    When he finally go a job, he didn’t pay ONE SINGLE BILL in this house. When I would ask for money, he would tell me he didn’t have it, he was tight, or he had other finacial obligations. When I snuck and checked his bank statements those obligations (besdies child suppor) were going to burger king and buing expensive electronic gadets….When we went out to dinner he would ask that I pay one time, then the next timehe would pay, and he didn’t want to pay for my daughter (who he helped raise from the age of 9). RIght before he left I checked hi bank statements he had 4,986.50 in his account. But yet he could even helkp me pay the water bill..oh he did buy his OWN grocceries which he took to work, and he even said well since I don’t eat here that should save you some money.

    His major excuse for not going to marriage counskeing was that WE couldn’t “afford” it, however he can afford to move out and pay half the rent with his roomate from school….here are many other things that have transpired in our 5 year relationship

    I don’t believe in divorce except for cheating, physicall abuse, sexual abuse, serious things like that. I prayed for my husband and marriage, I did spiritual fasting for my marraige. I talked to people, and even started going o counsling by myself to work on my issues in the marriage. My concious feels clear about this marriage. I did not give up, and I my heart is still open to him should he decide to step up and be a man.

  306.  #306Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 7:31 am

    Coco kisses
    what a road you had with that boy
    u were so loving!
    its nice to go to sleep and feel that you did everything you could but it would be even nicer if the person you were with was reciprocal!
    my heart goes out to you ….that feels like you had a traumatic few years…
    omg thats all i can say.
    I hope you find everything you are looking for
    and i hope you heal
    cause that would sting alot to me

  307.  #307Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 7:32 am

    go girl
    i hope you dont have too many bills and you can use some of it to pamper yourself!
    either way, i am so happy for you!

  308.  #308Brandylion on April 17, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Lizka, re 195: I had a foot problem a few weeks ago and had to take a week off from training too. I got it checked to make sure it wasn’t a stress fracture (it wasn’t, and I felt so relieved!), and I was told by the doctor to get a better pair of shoes. I did, and my running is just as good as it was in my older, not-as-good-fitting shoes, but without the foot pain that set on suddenly. In what marathon are you running?

    Turquoise, re 206: You live in my neck of the woods! I feel so excited knowing there is another siren not too far away! NEOH represent. 🙂

  309.  #309Amy on April 17, 2012 at 7:37 am

    In reference to my post 272: now he texted me and said that he wanted to wish me a great day and that he loves me.

    I don’t know how to react….I have so many mixed messages, my head is spinning!

  310.  #310April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 7:39 am


    Thank you for your words, and for opening up even more about yourself.
    I wish for you that one day you will let yourself cry for as long as you want. All day, and the next, if that is what Jessie feels she wants to do. Let her cry. She has never been allowed to do that.

  311.  #311Coco Kisses on April 17, 2012 at 7:42 am

    I’m not blaming my husband for the failure of our marriage, actually I take the bulk of the responsibility. My husabnd was just being who he was, I had all the power but I didn’t realize it until it was too late. I ignored a lot of warning signs that he wasn’t that in to me but chose to keep moving forward in the relationship. I also was overfunctioning in the realionship which kep a lot of the problems going, to be honest, my overfunctioning cause many of the issues we had. Wish I would have known about Rori a few years ago 🙁

    Perhaps my husband didn’t feel open to me, of course I was working without Rori’s tools at the time. I’ll never know for sure now.

    I always tried to make him feel open and welcome. I would ask him how he felt aboiut our future together or what did our family look life 5 years from now. He never said much except that he had a picture in mind and that he wanted to keep it to himself.

    Was I perfect? No
    Was he perfect? No

    I have always felt that a realtionship is where you grow and heal yourself. Always. I went into this marriage with that concept in mind.

    When my husband left, he said to me ,Coco, your a good woman, I don’t even know why I’m leaving, except that I don’t feel like being here anymore.

    The day he approached me about leaving ( we had had an argument a few days before over something kinda stupid, followed by 3 days of silen treatment), he asked me what I thought about him leaving. I said I don’t feel good about it and would like to work on our mariage, I don’t feel we have tried everything. He said he didn’t want to work on it any more. So from that point, I told him, you have to make this decison, I can’t make it for you.

    I do not feel guilty at all for the state of this union. I have taken responisibilty for my stuff.

  312.  #312Tiffany on April 17, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Coco – that sounds sad, but you sound very strong about what’s happened! And having a good attitude makes all the difference, because it’s your experience, and now you’re setting yourself up for the good stuff! Yay! 🙂 ((hugs))

  313.  #313Tiffany on April 17, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I’ll tell you what feels good to me – I’ve been feeling my sexual energy very strongly lately. Many guys have come on to me. And I want that! I want to experience touch and pleasure. However, I DON’T want to experience from a man who isn’t giving to me – a man who expects me to come toward him.

    So it feels good that, even though I have this desire, I’ve actually turned down propositions from men who weren’t offering me what I wanted (i.e. they wanted me to go to them, instead of them coming to where I am.) And that’s not acceptable, but it’s not a big deal. I simply didn’t go to them!

    I am the prize, and a good man will be more than willing to show up for me, and come toward me and show me that he loves me. And that will feel so much better than me leaning forward and going out of my way for just random sex that will satisfy me in the moment (maybe), but not overall.

    Yay, me!! 🙂

  314.  #314Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 7:49 am

    oh Coco Kisses, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. ((((((((Coco Kisses))))))))

  315.  #315Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 7:50 am

    April Rose
    Once, my Beau wanted to give me a back rub…lol
    He should since he works my ass like a dog in the gym….seriously, we do some hard core weights (for a girl, I lift quite heavy stuff and long 2 hour workouts)
    and I felt sooo creeped out
    Literally, i have given 10 000 back rubs but I couldnt even sit for 10 minutes while my Beau did his thing…lol
    I creeped him out too …he was like what is wrong with you!
    I jumped up, put my shirt back on and wouldnt let him hug me or nothing….
    now its funny to say
    but its unimaginably painful to have such terrible feelings well up inside yourself just because someone wants to actually intimately touch you….not for sexual pleasure but just cause they like you….

    I dont even know what Im afraid of…
    I think attachment or dependancy
    Alot of my dependant situations went wrong…
    i dont like to feel sometimes too much for anyone…like i need them cause i feel the same reaction….like i want to jump up and put my shirt on….

    Maybe I should ask for another back rub?
    Maybe I should try to redo these things….
    and see if I actually die, like i think I will if someone is nice to me….

    I think I try to avoid intimate sex too when im married and make it all like a joke or not making love cause that feels wierd too
    im wierd
    I will love my wierdness/insanity today

    Its out. the sky hasnt fallen….lol

  316.  #316Tiffany on April 17, 2012 at 7:51 am


  317.  #317Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 7:53 am

    Coco Kisses – in light of this post, I feel bad for not knowing. I feel guilty. ((((Coco Kisses))))

  318.  #318Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 8:10 am

    RE 307 Coco – I believe you did very well. Your comments suggest that you are very aware and working through healing yourself. You sound strong. I feel happy that you don’t feel guilty. I feel happy that the comments helped you to journal your experience. I would continue to do that if I were you and somehow realise it to the Universe. In releasing it you will unravel the hold it has over you an dyou will be able to read your own words and see for yourself whether it is something you really want in your life. I really hope that this experience journaling that relationship helps to fast forward your healing.

  319.  #319Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Coco I used to think I don’t believe in divorce either. I don’t wish it for anyone but after finding Rori and reading her advice to someone else I had to change my thinking. If holding a rigid belief that might end up with me essentially being in “prison” I would want to at least give myself the mental space to choose to move on out of a relationship that has become dysfunctional.


  320.  #320Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Also Coco I don’t feel regret for triggering you. Looking at the comments about your experience I believe it is a good time to ask yourself “why was I there”? What were you getting out of the relationship that you stayed so long in light of this revelation? Also why would you want to work on it and get it back?

    These are tough questions but ones that might help you become clear on how you work?

  321.  #321Mel on April 17, 2012 at 8:26 am

    Re: 297

    Hmmmm…. I feel curious what would be a better way for me to get comfort and security without seeking it from him. This is an interesting pattern that he has helped me to notice. Ideas?

  322.  #322Amy on April 17, 2012 at 8:31 am

    Hi ladies, I have been reading this blog for a while, but have never posted on it. Today though I am at a lost and I need some real help. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years…we live together (have been for about a year). I thought we were going pretty well, except I don’t feel as if we are close to being engaged/married and I won’t lie, I really want that. I am ready…I am 31 and he is 36. I have been trying to CD myself, hang out with friends and family, do things that make me happy, etc. Most of the time I do feel happy and good with things, but these past few weeks I have been feeling quite sad and disconnected. Both from myself and boyfriend. It is really weighing on me that we aren’t taking those steps to be married…and he did tell me back on NYE that he doesn’t see himself marrying me because of the way I clean the house. (Yes he really said that) So that brings me to my problem…. Last night he said the same thing to me. He had been drinking all day, but he started to talk to me about what has been weighing on his mind and he said that he thinks a lot about how the house is messy and how I don’t clean the way he thinks it should be done…I half a*s it. I asked him how he thinks I half a*s it. He said I half a*s a lot of things and that I don’t make things happen for myself. Again, I ask why and how he felt like that. He said he didn’t know, he just does. I said do you not think I work for things in my life…he said I did. So I asked again, what do I do half a*s. He said he didn’t know, but I don’t clean the way he wants to and that he couldn’t think of raising kids with someone that doesn’t have his same values. I said what about cleaning and doing things full heartly. He said yes. I this really about cleaning? He said yes it was a deal breaker to him. I am lost… I don’t understand at all. I clean the house at least once a week, but he comes right after me messing it up again. The house looks the way it does because it is his stuff all around it….clothes, work receipts, newspapers, etc. I am always finding papertowels etc all around the house. Well, I decided to get a cleaning lady to clean the house so that neither of us have to worry about it,but I still don’t feel like this will solve the problem. He obviously has deep rooted issues…whether with me, himself, both of us, etc. I asked him if he thought that he was projecting how he felt about himself onto me because everything he was saying I could say about him too. I aslso asked if he thought that he was just trying to push em away because he is so afraid of getting divorce that he wants something perfect so that it can’t be broken (which doesn’t exist in people). I just don’t know…and now I am rabbling so I will stop…but I would really appreciate some advice on what I should do next. I am just feeling so lost. Thank you!

  323.  #323Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 8:46 am

    ouch–I would feel hurt…so hurt if love and commitment was boiled down to house work
    Maybe hes saying that he needs to bark orders and you obey for him to get married.
    Maybe he needs complete control of you in order to be happy?
    Even, if it means you do stuff that you dont want to do…like house cleaning.
    Who would raise the kids? you? or would he help or just sit on his butt and criticize you on how you do it right or wrong?
    What a long investment of time for you! wow that would be hard to walk away from tooooo
    omg i feel for you girl cause love…to me….has nothing to do with looks, or housework, or money in the bank (although that is helpful)
    it has to do with passion
    not obedience.
    As to what to do…no one knows that but yourself….by either how much you think you deserve his comments or not…
    do you think you want to do more housework?
    why doesnt he do it himself if he likes it a certain way…lol
    (they often wont but somehow they think it is ur unpaid job….)
    If it was me i would tell him…lol bitch pay me $20.00 an hour and I will clean this place until you can eat off the floors
    do you work?
    does he?
    did you agree to do all the housework and he will pay the rent? (that agreement is kind of sticky)
    is he fantastic to you otherwise? Dating you?
    loving you? kissing you?
    i would feel devastated if i were you and if you do, i send you much love through the universe cause it sounds like a rock and a hard place

  324.  #324lk on April 17, 2012 at 8:46 am


    “good sleep, healthy food & physical activity”

    thanks for the reminder : )

  325.  #325Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 8:58 am

    RE 318 Amy it sounds like him giving excuses to string you along. After 7 years if he doesn’t know what he wants I would take it to me he does not want me. I feel such a charge reading your words that I want to ask you why are you there?

  326.  #326Amy on April 17, 2012 at 9:03 am

    @ 320: Because I love him… I know it should be a better answer, but it is the truth. Other than that I am asking myself the same question.

  327.  #327Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 9:07 am

    Mel I couldn’t help but wonder if it is the estrogen/testosterone imbalance that have not yet occurred? Or whether he is feeling overwhelmed by too much estrogen?

    In any event I would experiment with asking him if there is anything he wants to tell me during those times and choose to get taken care of outside of him if it has shown itself as a pattern between you two. Until he chooses to help balance things out. It seems like you are still learning about each other. His words sound to me like he is saying this is a pattern and what came to mind is CCarter saying that we want what we can’t have. It is human nature?? or is it human psychology?? I am also wondering in times like these you could use your imagination to bring in an image of a cat and lion all snuggled up together and how that would feel to you. Maybe thinking about it and basking in that could communicate your intentions/energy without you having to say anything and he might feel it. Otherwise it might be good to figure out a way to be with each other in those times so both of you get your needs met. If not could you find a way to go take care of yourself separately?

  328.  #328lk on April 17, 2012 at 9:09 am


    i would feel happy & scared going to the concert : )

  329.  #329lk on April 17, 2012 at 9:11 am


    wow. that sounds like a very frustrating situation.

    i feel a little curious… do you feel happy in your life, outside of your relationship ?

  330.  #330Starla on April 17, 2012 at 9:12 am

    ladies, i feel just horrible. like i need to call him asap and ask him if we can get together and just talk. i am busy for the next couple of days, but on Thursday, it will have been 2 weeks. I think I’m going to just pick up the freaking phone and see if he’ll meet me this weekend.

  331.  #331lk on April 17, 2012 at 9:16 am

    starla….. maybe wait an hour ?

  332.  #332Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 9:17 am

    Amy I would ask myself if that is true. Add 20 years to your life and see how if you can figure how you would feel then if you are still with him giving you these excuses and not having what you want in your life.

  333.  #333Starla on April 17, 2012 at 9:17 am

    i mean call him on thursday. he is at work right now

  334.  #334lk on April 17, 2012 at 9:18 am

    i don’t mind what you do though, of course : )))))

    i want what you want, baby !!!!

  335.  #335Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Starla have you considered how you would feel if he does not answer?

    Or if he says he has moved on and believes that you should too?

    I am just asking…….

  336.  #336Amy on April 17, 2012 at 9:19 am

    @324: lk, good question! I do feel happy outside my relationship and in the last 7 years I have felt happy in my relationship, but our problem is how to communicate I think. He wants everything to be the way thinks it should be, but not the way it necessarily is. He owns his own business so he is use to calling the shots and it seems to me (I could be wrong) that he carries that over to our/his relationships. Also, as part of femininewoman post, I think I stay because I know there is so much more to him. He says this “excuses” but then two seconds later he acts like he wants this life with me…making plans for our future, our childs, etc It is such a bag of mixed emotions. Even this morning, he texted me to say he wanted to wish me a great day and he loves me. I know I am not ready to leave (even if I should), so what else do I do. I spend a lot of time with my friends, doing my own interest, having fun, etc. (That is one thing he did say last night…I have lot of other priorities and he doesn’t feel like our relationship is one of them, but I do make time for us…I do try to balance…and he changes those plans and then when he is comforted about something uses them to throw back at me).

  337.  #337Starla on April 17, 2012 at 9:20 am

    330 fw i think i will feel a little better.

  338.  #338Starla on April 17, 2012 at 9:21 am

    and if he doesn’t answer i’ll just hang up and try again in a couple of days. he’ll probably pick up or call me back. honestly, we haven’t spoken yet and he said he was willing to talk to me.

  339.  #339Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Remember you have an outcome in mind Starla. Are you sure?

  340.  #340Amy on April 17, 2012 at 9:22 am

    @327: That is a very good point femininewoman, I don’t think I will be waiting around for 20 years though… I know I won’t be. I want to be happy in my relationship, but at the same time I think that it is not as easy as black and white (I wish it was). I don’t want to just always walk away…I want to work at something and see if it can really be healed/fixed. I don’t need 20 years to know that…but it is like all 7 years has been bad…or any years…just we have bad days or a bad way of communicating I think. I don’t…maybe you are more right than I want to admit and I need to really look at that.

  341.  #341Mel on April 17, 2012 at 9:25 am


    I feel curious what you mean by the testosterone/estrogen imbalance? Does this mean maybe I should stay away for a bit?

    I did do just that (before my comment about the needing cuddles) and he explained about some non-Mel stuff that’s been weighing on him. I told him I felt happy that he shared with me, as I could sense his distance and that it felt uncomfortable and a bit uneasy for me.

  342.  #342lk on April 17, 2012 at 9:26 am

    oh, narnia, starla. he will call if you give him time.

    whine baby. sorry you can ignore me. but i, myself, do NOT speak on the phone with ex boyfriends until

    a) more than 3 weeks have passed

    b) i have teased myself into mild attraction for someone Else

    c) i feel neutral (not giddy-excited or gloomy-depressed) when i imagine talking to them on the phone or running into them

    d) i feel excited about my life

  343.  #343Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Amy I got the following responses Rori wrote to other ladies on the Your Story and Questions thread at the bottom right of the screen. I believe if you scroll through you will see some similar circumstances as you and might be able to pick up so advice that might work for you.

    “1. 230: Rori Raye says:
    Flipper and Uschi – here’s my take on WOW and your letters. Everything in life must be prioritized. Work, play, love, meditation, exercise… Everything needs time and ease. If you are focused on getting a real live relationship going, then you’ll want to spend all your time in real life, Circular Dating. I’d classify WOW as play. Using it, however, to learn stuff sounds fantastic, so it does double-duty. (By the way, if any of you are good with Second Life and would like to help bring Rori Raye to it…let me know…). Please just know–online, email, phone, games of all kinds are not LIFE — and the more you let your head consume the time in your life, the less practice time you can give to being present in the world where you can physically TOUCH someone. Just keep it in mind. Men online behave differently than men do in real life. that’s where to focus your practice. Love, Rori

    1. Debbie, try staying calm for a few days, do not call or text. He will do so for sure. When he does, you need to be prepared, loving, warm, easy-going, and simply ask him what he wants – that you’re just a girl here, and you were starting to feel insecure about where things are going after almost a year, and trying to take care of yourself so you don’t get clingy. You don’t want to put pressure on him – so, what would he like to do? – if he gets mad and starts blaming you for giving him an ultimatum…back off, and say…Bill, I love you, I adore you, I’d like to spend my life with you, I cannot imagine a man as wonderful as you or as right for me as you. I’ll leave this in your hands, and have faith that you’ll work this out for us. And then listen to him, and say goodnight first, and stay soft. Love, Rori”

  344.  #344Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 9:29 am

    @ 331 Amy – I feel so sad that you are hurting. It sounds like he is terrified of marriage.

    I would try telling him how bad you feel that he hasn’t given you a commitment.

    Give him the “No boyfriend” speech.

    And then, get out there and CD other men.

    He’ll figure out EXACTLY how he feels about you by feeling the loss of the good energy you’ll be radiating from taking such good care of yourself by receiving attention from other men.

    and if he doesn’t want to marry you at that point, some lucky, amazing guy will! (((Hugs)))

  345.  #345Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 9:31 am

    Amy, commitment blueprint sounds like just the program for you…

  346.  #346Goodheart on April 17, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Mel, that is an interesting question. And I guess the answer to it (and all questions) is that whatever we need we can always find within ourselves.

    That being said – it’s so much easier to type that than to live it because we are human & crave that kind of comfort & touching & affection from others (I love that actually).

    I had a very similar incident this weekend. I’ve been feeling just about the yuckiest ever with my mom being sick (she has to have radiation & chemo for several weeks) & I have an ulcer or something (had to have blood test & ultrasound – all normal – but the stress & fear just took over my life for weeks). Anyway, it’s been hard to keep my vibe steady, let alone UP & suppressing stuff did not work because it just comes out whenever it wants to & this weekend it did. I was in a grump-a** mood, but trying to hide it, & at one point my bf & I were at a coffee shop & took seats opposite each other because that’s all that was available. He said, “It’s nice that we don’t feel the need to be on top of each other anymore. It’s like we’re more secure. That’s a good thing.” Well, I felt like I’d been slapped! I just sat there for a minute and then said quietly, “I don’t think it’s a good thing. I don’t think it’s a good thing at all.” He just mumbled something & then we sat in silence until I suggested we leave. I felt just awful, knowing I was not handling things well.

    As we were walking, I had my arms folded & he said, “aren’t you going to hold my hand?” And I said, “Well, if we are leading up to less & less affection then I better start getting used to it!” And, of course, then he got defensive & I shut down. It just spiraled. Yuck.


    We gave each other space because we really do know each other really well. We went to sleep & I accepted his cuddling with warmth. The next day I said, “Babe, I want to understand what you meant yesterday about feeling glad we don’t have to be so affectionate anymore. I love that we’ve always been affectionate & that’s the kind of relationship I want. I want that kind of affection even if we’re together 50 years.” He took my hand & said, “I want that too. And I was saying everything wrong yesterday. I meant that it feels good, for me, to not feel freaked out if we’re not right on top of each. It’s a security thing. I used to be so insecure &, with you, I know & trust you so I don’t feel insecure if we’re not touching every second.” I smiled, kissed him & said, “Ok, because I still itend for us to be all over each other most of the time.” 🙂

    It’s really made me look inside myself & accept that I’m a very touch-feely person &, thankfully, so is he, But it’s ok if one or the other of us is feeling “off” for whatever reason. It happens. And it’s not that I necessarily have to go & seek that attention anywhere else. It’s more just knowing that’s it’s “there” & he would gladly have given it to me right there in the coffee shop (well, not that kind of given it to me!).

    All I had to do was reach over & take his hand & say, “Babe, I love that we’re affectionate.” And he would’ve taken care of the rest. He was just trying to reassure himself in that moment that it was ok that we weren’t on top of each other right there & then. Funny how we filter things & put our own perspective on it depending on our mood.

    I intend to put a sunny, positive perspective on the majority of all of my interactions with everyone. I want this. My life will improve. I know this. And it reflects my own security within & love of myself when I always think the best.

  347.  #347Amy on April 17, 2012 at 9:35 am

    Thank you Femininewoman that actuallys helps alot…both of them are great advice! Thank you!

  348.  #348lk on April 17, 2012 at 9:36 am

    LOVE IT @Goodheart !

    “I intend to put a sunny, positive perspective on the majority of all of my interactions with everyone. I want this. My life will improve. I know this. And it reflects my own security within & love of myself when I always think the best.”

  349.  #349Amy on April 17, 2012 at 9:37 am

    thank you Iamabutterfly! I need to be able to say that and be ok with saying that… no fear…

  350.  #350Goodheart on April 17, 2012 at 9:37 am

    I really want to cd the world more.

    I’ve felt so very off lately & I want to start creating magic again.

    I know just putting my positive, lovely vibe out there will have that ripple affect that will create magic in ways I can’t even dream of right now.

    I want to create magic.

    I am magical.

  351.  #351Starla on April 17, 2012 at 9:42 am

    maybe just a text – “it would feel really good to talk about all this, but I’ve just needed some time. Maybe next weekend? What do you think?”

  352.  #352Mel on April 17, 2012 at 9:43 am

    This has only happened once before with us, and at that time I shared that I was feeling a little unwelcome, and that I did not want to feel that way with him.

  353.  #353Starla on April 17, 2012 at 9:50 am

    I tried typing up a letter for Rori but it was so hard to summarize everything.

  354.  #354Mel on April 17, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Awww… thanks for sharing your story Goodheart It felt nice for me to hear your perspective.

    We weren’t having any sort of disagreement. I could just sense him being off and I asked if there was anything on his mind he felt like sharing. He explained about some crappy stuff and I thanked him for sharing.

    We got to talking a bit more and that’s when he wondered if being “extra cuddly” could be a sort of physical reaction to the discomfort I was feeling. I don’t think he meant it in a bad way. It actually felt good to be able to have a very vulnerable conversation like that with him.

    Right after, he gave me the hugest cuddle until i fell asleep, and was happy to do so. I just wonder if there’s got to be a better way to get comfort from within myself in “uncomfortable” times.

  355.  #355lk on April 17, 2012 at 9:57 am

    i want to teach & care for small children : )

    just reminding myself that i don’t forget

    also, i intend to write always.

  356.  #356April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 9:58 am


    What hit me like a hammer when reading your posting, was that he complains about HOW YOU CLEAN the house.
    I feel angry!!!

    I would gather together a nice speech, something along the lines of “You’re right, honey. I feel overwhelmed by the task of cleaning. Why don’t we swap chores for a while. I know you’d make a better job of it than I could. What do you think?”

    Have you got Rori’s Love Scripts program? There’s a great section in there on negotiating household chores.

    And it is so often these domestic things that cause the most conflict in relationships.

  357.  #357Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I feel bad, my stomach is all tight up in knots, like something bad is going to happen.

    It’s like I’m in panic mode and I keep taking deep breaths to let that feeling go but it just won’t go.

    Arrghh, I hate that.

  358.  #358April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:00 am

    I have really backed off on how much I ‘do’ around the house, particularly washing dishes and cooking.
    WM has taken up the slack, and actually it seems to improve his mood the more work/responsibility he has domestically.

  359.  #359Starla on April 17, 2012 at 10:01 am

    lk, when? when will he call? eeeeeeeep

  360.  #360April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:02 am

    What’s happening?

  361.  #361ulii on April 17, 2012 at 10:04 am


  362.  #362April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:05 am

    I feel sad. It looks to me like you are afraid to allow yourself to feel cherished.
    I feel hopeful, too…
    How exactly did you feel when your Beau was rubbing your back?

  363.  #363Amy on April 17, 2012 at 10:08 am

    @ April Rose… thank you! That is the part that gets me teh most angry too… it just seems so trivial, but exactly it is what alot of conflicts revolve around.

    I don’t have Love Scripts, but I will look into getting it.

  364.  #364lk on April 17, 2012 at 10:12 am

    when will he call ?! ! ? ????

    i saw this fantasy show last night & there was this one Bad Guy & the main guy’s Pet Buffalo shot the guy across the ocean, skipping like a stone ! it was awesome

    so… miracles happen. just channel your inner giant buffalo:

  365.  #365April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:13 am

    I’m curious why you keep doing it, then?

    What do you think would happen if you said (sweetly)

    “Honey, I feel bad not being able to please you. I feel awful making all my cleaning efforts when they are not good enough for you. I don’t want to clean any more.”

    And just stop. Stop cleaning.


  366.  #366Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 10:13 am

    April Rose, I don’t know.

    Everything is alright in all areas of my life, I don’t feel stress or pressure from anyone, I’m at work and it’s pretty quiet.

    I kind of feel like an animal feeling a disaster coming on, although I have no idea if animals get that sort of feeling.

    Thank you for the hugs! Feels good!

  367.  #367Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Ulii, thanks for the hugs too! 🙂

  368.  #368Starla on April 17, 2012 at 10:17 am

    hmmm lk… buffalo? hehe

  369.  #369ulii on April 17, 2012 at 10:18 am

    @ 279 April Rose,

    by suggesting giving up sugar you meant for feeling better physically or also emotionally?

    I have not really ever tried it. I imagine for me it would be so difficult, as I like to have at least something sweet every day. And what I’ve heard about artificial sweeteners, is that they sometimes are not good or might be even dangerous.

    I do try to have honey instead of sugar inside my tea. And if I have sugar have not-refined organic cane sugar. And eat dried dates or figs instead chocolate. But I do crave for sweet food.

    Anyway, could be interesting to try a little sugar-break. 🙂

  370.  #370April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:18 am

    I get that feeling when I drink coffee.
    Could it be something you ate or drank? It may just be that a glass of water might settle you.

  371.  #371Starla on April 17, 2012 at 10:26 am

    the universe has locked me out of my email, which i am taking as a sign to wait for now.

  372.  #372Goodheart on April 17, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Mel, I understand. I’m not sure what the answer is except maybe just adjusting your inner dialogue at those times. Really tell yourself loving things (gosh my hair feels really soft today, the outfit I’m wearing feels sexy! – stuff like that). I do that sometimes when I notice my vibe needs lifting. I try to pick things that really feel true.

    And I’ve noticed that the world usually responds. If I’m feeling needy & I’m away from my bf, lots of times just thinking loving things about him gets me a text or phone call 🙂 OR someone else will just say or do something that makes me feel good.

    When we heap love on ourselves, the universe responds in kind. Just be open to the different ways it can come to you. And since you know Mr. A is just topnotch, he will come around quickly, and in the meantime you still have the love & attention you crave 🙂

  373.  #373Amy on April 17, 2012 at 10:29 am

    April Rose,

    It is funny you say that because I did stop cleaning that is where this fight has come from. I stop cleaning for about a month or two now. I pick up after myself, but that is it. It is why I stopped cooking too because he never liked what I would make… and he would never be on time for it so it would eb ruined or cold.

  374.  #374ulii on April 17, 2012 at 10:30 am

    @ 337 lk

    Really good points here to keep in mind. Thanks!

  375.  #375Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 10:30 am

    I’ve been drinking lots of water since I got to work, I always do and no, I don’t think it’s something I ate either.

    As for coffee, it sometimes makes my heart beat faster but it doesn’t usually play on my stomach that way.

    I don’t know what it is but I sure hope it goes away quickly because it feels uncomfortable.

  376.  #376April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:35 am


    You are taking more care of you and this is when his anger has come up. But deep down he is also noticing your self-respect. Time will tell if he can step up or not.

  377.  #377April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:46 am


    I find that giving up sugar (as advised by Rori) helps me feel tons better emotionally. It feels like a heaviness lifts off me. I drop the ‘gloom’.

    I don’t use artificial sweeteners, but instead there are some lovely natural sweeteners like stevia and agave syrup. They can be used in baking and in tea/coffee too. I’m still experimenting. I’d like to try making a sponge sandwich cake without sugar.

    And I’m going to make some sweets with chopped dates and crushed cashew nuts.

  378.  #378lk on April 17, 2012 at 10:46 am

    working out (pushups, situps, bum lifts, leg lifts, dancing)
    driving slowly/listening to music
    snacking/driving slowly
    playing stretching
    making art

  379.  #379Mel on April 17, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Wow, Goodheart! Thanks so much for that!

    I’m thinking too about Rori’s story of sitting on the floor with her daughter and enjoying her time and putting her focus elsewhere.

    Applying what you’ve said and Rori’s tools to me:

    So I’m feeling he’s a little distant and/or I’m feeling needy of attention…

    Step 1. Resist urge to get attention/affection

    Step 2. Give myself some loving complements

    Step 3. Focus my attention on something that brings me joy… Read about bees, go for a walk with my doggies, work in the garden, call a loved-one, take a bath, work on a project…

    Result= Little girl no longer feels needy. 🙂

  380.  #380April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 10:56 am


    You’ve just reminded me. A few months back I made a list of 100 things I love, including things I like doing, and places I love being in. Was this one of the first exercises in Reconnect? I think it might have been.

    It’s a good thing to refer to when obsessing over man-stuff or when feeling needy….

  381.  #381Goodheart on April 17, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Mel, that sounds like the perfect formula.

    It sounds like you already communicate so well with Mr. A so this is all just about reinforcing your own self-love. Maybe when you feel a bit needy it’s because you’ve been denying yourself something? Or not being as gentle with yourself as you could be? Focusing on “flaws”?

    I’m not really sure. I just know that it’s always about our own stuff.

    Hehe – I think I’m going to write “my own stuff” on a piece of paper & put it in my universe box 🙂

  382.  #382April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I’ve just started reading my list of 100 things I love, and they are way more exciting, fun and gorgeous than worrying about men!!

  383.  #383Mel on April 17, 2012 at 11:04 am

    “I’ve just started reading my list of 100 things I love, and they are way more exciting, fun and gorgeous than worrying about men!!”

    Love it April Rose!

    “I think I’m going to write “my own stuff” on a piece of paper & put it in my universe box’

    Great idea… Meeeeee too! 🙂

  384.  #384Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 11:05 am

    I feel anxious. I want to lean forward with Jack CD sooooo bad. I miss him. I want him. I feel angry at myself for not responding. I do respond, but with him, whenever he does stuff, I just feel really quiet and happy and shy and a little scared. and I don’t know how that makes him feel or if he knows I’m feeling that. I don’t say “I feel quiet and happy and shy and a little scared.”

    I need say these things so he knows what’s going on with me!

    When I feel quiet though, feeling messages just don’t want to flow out of me!


    Jack CD, please don’t give up on me, even though my communication skills SUCK.

    wow, I’m judging myself.

  385.  #385Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 11:10 am

    and I feel nervous about seeing Seenmecrycd with friends tonight.

    and friendCD stares at me which makes me feel uncomfortable and exposed.

  386.  #386Dominique on April 17, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Amy – I wrote you a long response in case you haven ‘t checked back.


  387.  #387lk on April 17, 2012 at 11:18 am

    i made breakfast this morning : )

    i’m a good girl : ) i keep going & trying & i get up every morning & that’s what i do

    my mama asked me about my ideal job & i told her, ” oh, X’s job is so neat but she is so amazing at it, i can’t imagine them letting her go anywhere ! ” & my mama told me “insider info” lol that the girl may actually get promoted soon !! because my mom knows the girl’s boss wants to retire. wow ! that would certainly feel easy breezy if i got that job : ) maybe even they would let me work from home 2 days / week or something ?

    i am a DREAMER : ))))))))))

  388.  #388Jessie1000 on April 17, 2012 at 11:23 am

    April rose
    When he rubs my back…
    Ive never been molested so its not that kind of feeling, i swear, its like hes trying to do things to worm his way into my feelings so he can take advantage of me….like he wants to play head games with me….like i cant trust anyone to relax enough to do that to me….I felt like i was suffocating and couldnt breathe and my head hurt like i was stuck in an elevator….lol
    crazy thoughts…
    I think i often touch him first so he cant touch me first cause it makes me feel wierd…and i hate it also when my kids want to lay on me and touch me and rub me when I havent asked for it…omg im crazy…i often feel like i need to do stuff with the kids so we are busy and out doing stuff cause when we lay around and chill i feel like they are going to drive me crazy lol….like bees buzzing around me and im not in control…lol
    i sound like a terrible mother but honestly, sometimes when i feel depressed, i have to make myself hug them and kiss them cause i know they need it but its forced and i would rather be by myself and just do nothing…oh life of a single mother…no time for depression…no time to be sick, no time to do anything…sometimes i come out of the bathroom and both boys are like waiting for me….and i cant get any space to even pee….lol

  389.  #389lk on April 17, 2012 at 11:24 am


    the “other other woman” — the second in command below X’s boss — ACTUALLY had just gotten in touch this week for a favor (that FEELS LIKE a ” work test ” even though she could not possible know i want to work there in that capacity……..) SOOOOOO now i will be doing that Favor as though it were a Job Interview : ) & certainly i will share my feelings of how much i love to do certain kinds of work & how i am feeling open to a change…….. magic magic magic !

    swirl my wand – punctuate my dance with scepter-kinetics ! (((lk)))

  390.  #390lk on April 17, 2012 at 11:29 am

    when people say, “& how are you liking work ? ”

    or whatever

    i can say, “awww : ))) i’m loving it. it feels so exciting to learn about such a dynamic industry… & actually i’m feeling SO excited because i’m feeling more & more ready to make a change ! & i have no idea where that will lead… but i’m feeling really open to all possibilities! ”

    “luck” is the intersection of Opportunity & Preparation

    that’s what i heard the other day

    i think sort of like that….. like…. well, how are you going to see it if you aren’t looking for it ?

  391.  #391April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 11:43 am

    I’ve searched for your answer to Amy, but can’t find it. I don’t think it published.

    p.s. Happy belated birthday. I missed the boat with my good wishes on the day. Really hope you had a beautiful time.

  392.  #392Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 11:43 am

    Dominique I don’t see your response to Amy

  393.  #393Starla on April 17, 2012 at 11:45 am

    I feel so needy. I want people to tell me about how everything is going to be okay. I feel scared people are tired of my pining.


  394.  #394Neeta on April 17, 2012 at 11:48 am

    @ Starla

    I’ve been feeling needy for the last 7 months dear. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been really thinking about divorce and I am preparing all my msgs to when we get together after my course.
    I hate this.

  395.  #395lk on April 17, 2012 at 11:48 am

    starla, everything IS going to be wayyy better than OK.

    first of all…. can you IMAGINE that this is truly the way that you are dealing with a break-up with CF ? amazing.

    secondly, he will call. easy peezy, lady ! how could he possibly never see or speak with you again ? ?

    thirdly, who cares what happens ? it’s either: you make up OR you break up…. & if you make up, then you are together with a Good Man you Love. & if you break up, then you will be together with a Good Man you Love who is BETTER For You than cf !!!! CAN YOU IMAGINE ??????? my mind is blown.

  396.  #396April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Surrender is the most wonderful state of being I have yet to discover….

  397.  #397Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Mel I understand that when men and women come together the hormones balance out each other. Apparently it is one reason some men say that when they settle down they don’t feel like themselves because the woman’s testosterone level rises while the man’s estrogen level rises.

  398.  #398Dominique on April 17, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Amy wrote to me earlier the same on my site. I responded to her there. It’s here if anyone wants to read.


  399.  #399Mel on April 17, 2012 at 12:10 pm


    Love it lk!

    And….. not only that, but when he does come back to “claim” you, he will do so with a step-up kind of vengeance. And then you will either give him another chance and he will be your forever man or you will be so bored with him and swept off your feet by your REAL forever man, that you’ll be like: “Um…, no I actually don’t feel like going out for ribs with you.” Ribs? Really? That’s how you try to win me back? LOL… true story…

  400.  #400Starla on April 17, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    i just feel this sense of dread, like he thinks i just want him to do everything ever and that i don’t want to be in a more partnership type deal. i do! i feel like i should clear up the confusion.

  401.  #401Starla on April 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm

    i went to the gym to get my ring i forgot there last night, and the trainer complimented me on how well i did last night. it made me feel great. maybe in the middle of the day i can start going to his classes to distract my d*mn self. f*cking chr*st. *cusses up a storm*

  402.  #402Mel on April 17, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Thanks FW! I wonder if this hormone exchange could also account for a woman’s taking up the oars and rowing the boat when she shouldn’t?

  403.  #403Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 12:40 pm

    Starla, I think it would be really cool if you took CF on a date to show him you’re in a partnership. Make sure he has a night free, drive the hour out there, blindfold him, and then treat him to whatever would make him happy!

    I feel really good about this idea. In normal circumstances, I wouldn’t, but with your specific situation, I think it would make CF feel really safe and good and surprised.

  404.  #404Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    I think it would also make YOU feel really safe and good and surprised.

  405.  #405lk on April 17, 2012 at 12:44 pm


    actually, when you put it that way, i’d feel good calling him when i felt ready.

    maybe not “calling” actually… FW’s warning about No Answer (even with totally normal causes….) really gave me the Jolt. i don’t want to get No Answer reaching out to a man i Love…..

    i think maybe txt would be good ? that’s what i’d do. that would feel safest to me, i think…

  406.  #406Starla on April 17, 2012 at 12:46 pm

    lk, what do you have in mind for a text?

  407.  #407lk on April 17, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    bah, starla.

    good thing you have weeks to think of something, right ? ; ) lol

    oh i cannot think. how do you feel ? i want to read what you really really really really really really really authentically feel.

  408.  #408Coco Kisses on April 17, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    @ Feminine Woman…Thank you for all your comments, they challenge me to dig deeper, and I don’t mind that at all :)…….It feels good to be triggered, and helps release the negaive energy, and make room for somehting that feels better, more peacful….

    @ I am butterfly…don’t feel guilty, you had no way of konwing, and I ws not angry with you as a wrote some of what transpired in my marriage. On a blog type forum its is hard to get into sooo many’d be like writing a book…lol.

    I am now asking myself why I didn’t sand up for my self sooner..I also went throug a period were I felt guilty/angry/sad for not having the knowledge that Rori teaches early on. but kow I feel good, my heart feels open, and I am realizing that things happen when they are supposed to happen. I do not hate my husband, I learned so much about myself, life, and how to grow up in this marriage. Who knows maybe he might come back pursuing me, but at this point I’m not even thinking about that. I am circular dating, and finding that there are plenty of men who think I’m absolutly gorgeous. I am setting my standards, learning to feel sure of who I am on the inside so I can be soft and gooey on the outside. It feels so good to be around male energy that alone is making me feel good!!!

  409.  #409lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:05 pm


    cf… i feel nervous to send you a message… & i felt nervous even choosing how to message you because i feel all tender & sensitive about you. but i just feel shocked & also gloomy that we have so much silence between us & it would feel lovely to hear you voice! what do you think?

    or just send him a heart : )

    like <3 by itself ?

    risky, but Cool : )

    i don't know. i can't Strategize about it. it feels weird & also like "So Not My Business"

    but also, you will do what you will do & you will do it perfectly ! : )))

  410.  #410lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    OR you could just txt him & say

    hi! i noticed myself truly pining for you… & it would feel so nice if you would accompany me to dinner this friday……eek i feel terrified to ask you out… what do you think?

  411.  #411Coco Kisses on April 17, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Thank you to everyone for all your e hugs (((((( HUGS)))))) back to you 🙂

  412.  #412lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    starla, you are seriously doing so amazingly well…. you need to do what you want & follow your feelings. BUT you need to make sure that your Foundation (YOUR foundation – your own emotions) are Solid, so that you can truly Detach from the Outcome – otherwise, the invitation or outreach will hold Pressure like cr8zy i think. or, i “imagine”

  413.  #413Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    The importance of showing appreciation: one of my co-workers who I don’t know very well was in front of me at the water cooler. He saw me in line and just got a squirt, and then let me go ahead and fill my bottle. while I was filling my bottle, and I looked at him and said “a squirt was all you wanted?” and he smiled and said “no.” and then I went: “awwww, thank you so much for letting me go ahead of you!” and I deeply felt gratitude, and deeply felt happiness, and he lit up like the Christmas tree in Rockfeller center seeing my appreciation. Why can’t I just do that more with guys I’m dating?

  414.  #414lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    i feel so inspired to put myself First… my healing, my feelings, my issues, my little girl…..

  415.  #415Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    Starla I believe you need to do something different to break your pattern. Two weeks is a short time. Remember boy time and our time is different. He might not even have registered in his head that it has been this long. I have tried the reaching out thing and I find that he feels flattered and appreciative yes but still disappears after. I believe it might come across as controlling. Remember it is only how the man feels that matters now. Remember also that you want to appeal to his emotional mind not his logical mind. He needs to miss you and pine for you enough to want to reach out. Then I believe he will do it. When you reach out to him, you shortcircuit his process. What I use to keep my sanity was to really feel what I want when I reach out. For the most part it is to create reconnection. As I am invested in the outcome I just let it go.

  416.  #416Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    actually i am feeling really peaceful thinking about the idea of calling him up (in a few days) to ask him out, and just renting or borrowing a car and driving up to see him. I’d blindfold him, but then he can’t see how hot i look:P

    I know this is not Rori stuff. I know it is leaning forward. But i have faith in my heart that if I fix my part, he will fix his. We just hit this stand-still.

    And lk, you are so right, I HAVE been doing amazingly well. no contact at all. just one sweet message and then I turned around and took nice care of me.


  417.  #417Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    lk/Starla I am not sure I would use the eek I feel terrified line if I was Starla. Reason I say that is because I believe she was very expressive maybe even intense in expressing her emotions to him. “eek I feel terrified might bring back the feelings he had over the time they were interacting”. I would be more focussed on creating good emotions/good experiences if I should reconnect with him. He chose to walk away for a reason. I believe Starla can reach out, only when she is in the place when she can truly take it or leave it.

  418.  #418Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    fw, you are right. i was pretty expressive about all of my emotions. at first he really enjoyed it, but it turned into a way of making him feel like he couldn’t do anything right all of the time.

    as time goes on now, i can see how both of us were contributing to this. i just want to own my part, demonstrate desire to own it, and go from there.

  419.  #419Emerson on April 17, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Hello Sirens,
    I feel strange…..I feel numb…..I don’t feel unhappy…I just feel…..BLAH and disconnected from everyone. I don’t know when it started exactly. Even with family members I don’t feel “love” I just see them there like another human moving around near me. It’s so weird.
    I also wonder if it’s cuz I’m so into myself right now..I’m not “relating” very well. I dunno. It’s mostly just a feeling of numbness, with intermittent crying when thinking about things from the past waaayyy back when…kind of piney but still the numbness….

    What is going on???? Sirens, Dominique…what do you think…???

    Also, in other strange news,
    It seems Recycled has lost his magical powers over me….and I feel FLAT actually…that’s the best way to describe it.

    We’ve been in touch off and on during the past couple weeks and he wanted to see me…so I finally said yes. We met up earlier today for lunch and althought it was nice to see him I have my guard up so much that I didn’t even feel that magical twinkle that I always did before. He was kind and sweet and generous and a gentleman and very complimentary but I’m not reading into anything.

    He’s also kind of a sad person sometimes. So I left feeling like I took some of his sadness with me 🙁 and it felt weird/off.

    I do feel like there is healing taking place though.
    I did the waterwheel, “I’m all that” and listening at level 2 while I was with him…

  420.  #420Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    i am getting more in touch with these awful feelings today and realizing it is all due to the confusion and misunderstanding. that i can’t just wait him out until he is desperate enough missing me to set aside what he essentially put forth as boundaries. it’s not going to work. i need to make it clear to him that it was just a misunderstanding and that i understand his needs. he always tried so hard to cater to mine but i made it really difficult and often shot him down because of my own issues. i’m going to start talking with my therapist tomorrow about why i do this.

  421.  #421lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    right, starla. i think you are doing it right.

    so if you decide to contact him, i feel confident it will be Rockstar & full of self-love : )

  422.  #422Iamabutterfly on April 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    starla – Feminine woman is right on. Don’t listen to me! Lol…

  423.  #423Emerson on April 17, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Recycled is kind of blue/melancholy/serious. I’m the opposite. Now and then, he can be funny and let loose and be goofy too but I don’t see him laugh out loud too often. Just an observation I noted after seeing him.
    I still care deeply for him and I feel like I am SUPER NOT attached to the outcome whatsoever.

  424.  #424Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    if he agrees to see me next weekend, it will have been a month since we last saw each other.

  425.  #425Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Starla I believe Rori would advise you to allow him to come to you. I also believe she would advise that he has to experience you as new.

    Which is one of the reason she recommends we change up our drawers, change up our hair and change up our patterns.

    Owning your part is one thing. But if you are bordering on begging him or trying to convince him you have changed I would encourage you to listen to Reconnect before going there.

  426.  #426lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    the only thing i’d say is…. if i invited him somewhere… i wouldn’t want to have a Relationship Talk… or “re-hash” & “explain” & blah blah….. i’d just want to Be With Him.

  427.  #427Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Lama/Iamabutterfly<3, I think what I need here is a healthy balance between your and FW's input. I deeply value everything everyone has to say to me here. Thank you soooooo much. I love all the perspectives, and I think I need to start trusting my heart more when it comes to handling this stuff.

    I am re-finding my inner tree trunk and roots and compass, and feeling MUCH better now.

    And I feel really proud of myself for taking care of me and taking space. I COULD have called him the next day, like he offered, and probably had gotten him back or instead called it a "break." But in my heart I knew I needed time for me.


  428.  #428Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    fw, me driving/taking him out will for sure be TOTALLY new to him. he’ll be shocked.

    i’ve gotten guys back in the past this way many times, actually.

    sad that i keep getting dumped though, lol.

  429.  #429LoveAlways on April 17, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Having a really hard time leaning back today

  430.  #430Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    the fact that this always works to get guys back and keep them (until months later when we never resolved the underlying issues), shows me that i make guys fall in love with me easily but leave them feeling unappreciated.

  431.  #431lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:55 pm


    i kind of imagine it like trying to yo-yo…. & the string gets messed up & you have to re-wind it & everything… but then you get going again & it’s super smooth & Cool….. then you slip up again… re-wind it…. then maybe you want to learn a new trick – you have an idea, a vision, an “improvement”, or an “excitement” – & you drop the flipping yo yo like 90 million times. but then you get it going again, you master the trick, all smooth & cool : )

  432.  #432lk on April 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    “feeling unappreciated”

    poor men !

    i have such infinite empathy for the poor men. we want them to be All Male – like 100% male – but All Friendship-y too (POOR MEN) & also…. all helpful & Domestic & shxt…. like, i get all huffy if he asks me to move *my* dirty laundry. (((lk))) lol

    poor poor poor men !


  433.  #433Starla on April 17, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    i’m not sure if it would even be leaning forward if this is what he is asking for.

  434.  #434femenrgylove on April 17, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    i feel scared that i first spoke my truth in what i THOUGHT was a non judgemental way…got no reply…it quickly spiralled into another email in which i stuck with wht i said but was more vulnerable and was not critical,i also mentioned i was proud of all the new changes he is making in his life.still no reply…and this is when i usually feel i should say something else.but i will not,i have to own my feelings and say them without being afraid.Friday is his birthday.and..who knows what will happen?i feel like i was open and true.and i am glad i was.

  435.  #435Starla on April 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm


  436.  #436Lizka on April 17, 2012 at 2:06 pm


    This year I’ll be running Ottawa and Montreal’s marathons (in Canada).

    Thank you for the advice! I think I am due for a new pair of shoes, before Ottawa’s marathon for sure…

  437.  #437femenrgylove on April 17, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    i want to apologise,for makin him a victim of my issues,my process of healing,that it is not him,but that his behaviour triggers me.tha i feel bad that i lash out at him when i feel tirggered and that i am working on it.can i say this?

  438.  #438lk on April 17, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    when i was dating my first boyfriend…one day i cried all through dance team practice & then went to talk to a friend/teacher & he told me that my boyfriend was not ever going to break up with me, & that any relationship i had with him was my choice.

    it was a pretty silly thing to tell an 18-year-old girl….. but, i think it’s what i’ll tell my daughter. don’t worry, baby. no one is ever going to decide they don’t want you.

    because dating “as if” he will never ever break up with me is very similar to Never Walking On Egg-Shells it seems

  439.  #439Lizka on April 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    There is a cute guy in my training session. He’s from another city though. About 2.5 hours drive from my city… Hmmm maybe the Universe sent me a new car so I can date men from other cities and have more CDs? Hehe that’s funny.

    So the cute guy… he’s been nice with me, but I don’t think he was nicer than with anyone else yet. Just friendly nice. Wondering how I should BE so he sees me more than just like another coworker…

  440.  #440lk on April 17, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    awww : ) lizka, just be Yourself : ) ummm duh !

  441.  #441Dominique on April 17, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    Emerson – I used to think maybe it had to do with deep processing, i.e. when digging deeply, sometimes it can feel intense or overwhelming, so you shut off some to give time to integrate. I don’t not think this anymore, for this could very well be the case.

    But sometimes it just is; sometimes it just happens, and it will pass and morph into something else like all you other emotions.


  442.  #442ulii on April 17, 2012 at 2:26 pm

    Lizka! Continue to be as amazing Siren as you already are.. :)!

  443.  #443ulii on April 17, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Leaning back, being in your feminine energy (as much as possible in work), appreciating him…

  444.  #444ulii on April 17, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    I feel it works mostly when he sees the difference between a siren and a no-siren, which it this context would be work-buddies…

  445.  #445lk on April 17, 2012 at 2:43 pm


    how do you share that this is happening for you with an important man ? it feels difficult to say, “i’m feeling unhappy & dark & i can’t pull myself out” … it feels like the other person would feel unsafe ?

  446.  #446Lizka on April 17, 2012 at 3:08 pm

    Thank you Ulii and lk! 🙂

    You are cute!

  447.  #447Neeta on April 17, 2012 at 3:19 pm

    He txt me and asked if I loved him, and I said I feel surprised u’re asking, then he said he felt i was off him. I said i wasn’t. he was happy and txt something funny which made me smile.
    I then said good night and he asked if i needed to go, though i didn’t, but I said yes.
    I don’t know if it’s coz i’m leaning back or not, but whatever it is, I am happy tonight.
    I planned to go out tomorrow with my best friend and just chill out. I need to look after me and I have every intend to do so.
    Good night to all of you lovely ladies and thank you for all the wonderful and gr8 stories and advice u write here.

  448.  #448Starla on April 17, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    ok now i am thinking maybe i don’t want to contact him at all..

    ohhh starla, you and your rollercoaster <3

  449.  #449Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Starla, when in doubt, eat.

    Then again, maybe not.

    That might make you sick on your rollercoaster.


  450.  #450Starla on April 17, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    hehehe, francesca, i do need to eat more regularly. always gets me.

  451.  #451Dominique on April 17, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    lk – Men can handle our feelings much better than you might realize, and much of the time you don’t need o say anything at all unless you are feeling weird about feeling this way or if it’s been going on for awhile.

    So you simply say, “I’ve been feeling weird (or off or numb or disconnected or whatever feeling it is)lately.” If he asks why, you can say you don’t know if it’s true, for sometimes you just don’t know. \

    Or you can say you’ve been working on some inner stuff, and it’s been bringing up feelings.

    And your feelings will pass, as they always do.


  452.  #452Neeta on April 17, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    OMG, my landlord just txt me and I replied back with feeling msgs. He txt back and I did the same thing again.
    I feel naughty I am kinda flirting, but equally have a big smile on my face. I feel good…

    I think I’m going to sleep and wake up on that thought.

    Good night again Sirens xxx

  453.  #453Siren Angel on April 17, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Hi Sister Sirens! I hope all is well with all of you and read often to catch up on bits and pieces. I will read blog a little tonight as I am a few hours before seeing M.

    I just want to say that things are going great, M is talking more and more about when we will move in together AND MARRIAGE!!!

    He is finalizing custody next month and divorce in a few months. I know he is waiting to have all that settled.

    He refers to me as ‘the one’!!! 🙂

    I am a GODDESS!
    I am a total SIREN!
    I am THE ONE!

  454.  #454April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 4:01 pm

    Daria, i love what you wrote in 198

    “i am attracted to this because i really can connect with the soul of humans and i can see through the judgements on them!

    and im ALIVE and HEALTHY and HAPPY now and I STILL connect with people that others might feel scared of

    its a GIFT and a BLESSING and its actually SAFE and WONDERFUL!”

    I am with you on this path.
    EM, who I described as having a dangerous look in his eyes, stood out for me because of a strong integrity that he exudes. I melted in his arms and said “I feel so safe with you”. That was way before i noticed the ice-cold look of a murderer in his gaze!!!
    I still trust him.

  455.  #455April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    Wow, Siren Angel.

  456.  #456Starla on April 17, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    i just rockstar invited a guy to a concert and offered to buy his ticket if he brings the beer.

    let’s see what he says

  457.  #457Francesca on April 17, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    Siren Angel, that’s great!

  458.  #458Starla on April 17, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    ooh, i feel nervous. i tend to feel nervous when i invite people places and i want them to say yes. i’m such a needy lonely girl, awww!

  459.  #459Siren Angel on April 17, 2012 at 4:13 pm


  460.  #460Siren Angel on April 17, 2012 at 4:24 pm


    It seems to me you are doing everything you can and he is in that period (after you stop DOING) where he will complain and rant about it. Don’t start doing again because of his complaints. It’s great you got a cleaning lady. You should continue to use soft FMs with him ‘I feel so good someone is taking care of cleaning the house, it makes me feel pampered’ ect.

    Also, in Reconnect, Rori suggests making some changes such as clothes colors, nailpolish, jewelry, hair color or style. I would try this. But you have to do it FOR YOU. Then he will sense your vibe is different and feel intrigued.


  461.  #461Feethevillain on April 17, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    last nite I told Heat how I feel win he pulls back. I just said it no drama. im ready to live 2gtr but he is not. I didnt make him the bad guy n I made it real. Then I leanef back if I was leanin back I woulda feel over on my but. thats how cool I am rite now. it works patient is hard but it really pays off. it

  462.  #462April Rose on April 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    Relationship and love. Are they the same thing?

    “WM, I love EM too. I feel guilty.”

    “EM, I love you. I also love WM as you know. I feel awkward.”

  463.  #463LoveAlways on April 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm

    siren angel, that’s wonderful news!!! That feels so good to read about a guy stepping up! I feel very happy for you! Marriage on the table !!

  464.  #464Feethevillain on April 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    last nite I told Heat how I feel win he pulls back. I just said it no drama. im ready to live 2gtr but he is not. I didnt make him the bad guy n I made it real. Then I leanef back if I was leanin back In real life I woulda feel over on my butt thats how cool I am rite now. it works patient is hard but it really pays off. it

  465.  #465Goodheart on April 17, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    I want to be more flirty. (flirting with the landlord – I love it!)

    I want to keep up the feeling messages & the flirtiness, even if I feel “settled” in my relationship.

    That’s why I come here. You’re all so good at it! And I feel inspired.

    Thanks ladies 🙂 (I think I just flirted with you)

  466.  #466LoveAlways on April 17, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    lol. Goodheart, that was cute. Flirt on 🙂

  467.  #467LoveAlways on April 17, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Cd assertive just text me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t like what I feel

  468.  #468LoveAlways on April 17, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    But I must face my feelings and embrace them

  469.  #469Starla on April 17, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    sweet, he’s coming, and bringing me beer. and says he wants to pay me for the ticket. i told him his money was filthy and i didn’t want it. lol. i’m a weirdo.

  470.  #470Siren Angel on April 17, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Turquoise @142,

    So happy for you you are CDing men who seem so great!!! Yippie! You are a true SIREN!!!


  471.  #471Siren Angel on April 17, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    LIZKA!!! I’m excited for you! Your first car and a new job! YEAH!!!


  472.  #472Sun Goddess on April 17, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    No contact from any of my CDs today. So sad….but I do have a lot to do around the house and I am exhausted from staying out too late with ANcd last night.

  473.  #473Starla on April 17, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    AUGH. almost called him just now.

  474.  #474Starla on April 17, 2012 at 5:12 pm

    i did call. from my office. i’m sure he doesn’t even know the number. it was sent to voicemail. i didn’t leave a message.


    don’t judge me.

  475.  #475Starla on April 17, 2012 at 5:25 pm

    actually, that felt good. it’s not so scary.

  476.  #476Starla on April 17, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    lol i’m such a tardo. (((((((((STARLA)))))))

    i really love me.
    no big deal.

    that was a great baby step. i felt so much pressure off my shoulders.

  477.  #477Emerson on April 17, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    436 thank you Dominique
    my thoughts were along similar lines about deep processing…this may be partially true….

    I like what you’re saying about feelings passing and changing….

    I feel happy and sad that seeing Recycled didn’t have a “profound affect” on me …I think I crave the intensity, but I’m not “friends” with the pain that accompanies it, so perhaps I’m not willing to go there with myself any longer. Which is good. I hope I can approach from a healthier perspective.

    I’ve realized more and more that we are all growing and learning. …constantly evolving…

    (((Recycled))) (((Emerson)))

  478.  #478Emerson on April 17, 2012 at 5:41 pm

    One thing that was really really nice is that I realized he does care deeply for me…he told me so and also he was just being very caring and nice and thoughtful, and it felt so genuine. I kept (physically and verbally) leaning back….and waterwheeling, practicing open heart….and he kept heaping it on with kindness and compliments. WOW

  479.  #479Emerson on April 17, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Wow Starla your vibe has really changed….I can hear it in your “voice”…. (((Starla)))
    I know things will feel better soon for you, you’re on the right track.

  480.  #480GingerSky on April 17, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    Been in bed all day w stomach issue… feel bad but getting better. Doing pretty well leaning back w NSM, & v diff from my usual. He responds & I feel I`m doing well! (If only I`d known 2.5 years ago what I know now… it feels good to say that, like there`s cause & effecct & I can take responsibility.) I ***miss*** his touch & more… we talk on lots of stuff tho, which is *way* better for me, gentle, healing, honest, connected. But I feel half a person & like I`ll crawl out of my skin w out his ***awesome*** touchy feely, constant touching & loving on me etc. I need that Starla you told him his $ is filthy?! How come?! 😀 Wtf?! Lol!

  481.  #481Emerson on April 17, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    I realized a lot of things lately…maybe I am doing some deep processing indeed.

    I realized that it was not ok to epress feelings in my family. My parents were always loving and kind but if you got upsset or cried or craeted boundaries around helping your anger then you were shut out or shunned or ignored or lowered in the “ranks” (at least thats how I saw it)

    My Mom still does it to me now…when I expressed a boundary she clammed up and raised her eyebrows and said “nevermind” when she was actually going to tell me something before I expressed my boundaries….so I was like OMG Emerson no wonder you felt you had to shut it all in and put on a pretty smile.

    I thought about this because of what lk said about crying through dance team practice and then talking to a teacher/friend about it. I admire this as courageous….cuz I would NEVER have dared cry at school or or confide to a teacher for fear of being ousted or kicked off the team or shunned or shut out somehow….

  482.  #482Emerson on April 17, 2012 at 6:15 pm

    GingerSky I’m sorry you are not feeling well….I hope you feel better soon

  483.  #483Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:49 pm


    Wonderful news and I missed you here 😉

    Is M getting the full custody for the children?

  484.  #484Femininewoman on April 17, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Emerson I experienced the same kind of thing and now believe it is emotionally abusive. I express my anger so my kids know but I don’t shut down my love towards them at those times. It is only through awareness that I got to this place so I feel compassion towards my parents because they knew no better.

  485.  #485Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:54 pm


    In my own past I didn’t do too well when I planned to call ‘him’ XX days later. For me it works better when I decide and call or decide not to and don’t.

  486.  #486Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    I was wondering the other day how long it took sirens like SA or lk to get so fluent in FM’s. I am just so slow at this. In the morning he texted: ‘Thinking of you’ and all I could come up with was ‘that feels so good to hear’. Isn’t it kind of pathetic

  487.  #487Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 7:04 pm

    Also for myself Starla I decided long time ago that at really important times I would never email/text. I would pick up the phone and leave a message if they don’t pick up, a short one, just a request to call me back. I am telling you it doesn’t feel great and waiting for the call back doesn’t feel great either. Still I can’t trust my heart to a one-line text.

  488.  #488Healing Waterfall on April 17, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    Hello Sirens!

    I went on a coffee date this morning. He was cute! I felt like it was pleasant. When it was time to get the coffee at the counter, I had to dig for change in my purse to pay for my coffee, he did not offer and I did not feel like saying I wanted him to pay for my coffee.

    He was nice enough, but I couldn’t imagine being sexually attracted to him at all. I walked home from the bakery and felt so pissed at the universe for bringing me another CD who did NOT distract me from my crush…..

    I felt so angry that my crush was not taking me out for coffee, I came home and threw a few things and slammed a few doors…..well at least tax season is officially over today.

    So sirens, WTF?

    I got this message in my mail tonight from my coffee date….

    what do I do with this?????????????

    “Thanks for a very pleasant meeting and coffee. I guess these things are always awkward, so I should not be surprised about that. I really did not know what to expect.

    I did get the feeling that you were not entirely comfortable. Perhaps I spoke too much. I am prone to doing that, maybe out of just being nervous…Maybe I need to be more comfortable with silence.

    I am feeling ambivalent about this, and you need to let me know how you feel. No hard feelings, I hope. I would meet again, if you would like, perhaps closer to my home, next time. You need to let me know.

    Take care.”

    Liz Perkins

  489.  #489Healing Waterfall on April 17, 2012 at 7:10 pm


    Please could you erase Liz Perkins from post 481, this is a mistake…

    thank-you very much.

  490.  #490Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Also showing up unannounced is very risky. Especially in a no-communication situation. I don’t know if I would feel brave enough to do it. But as I said, I get scared easily.

    There was an old romantic movie that said there are days when everything works out for people in love. Even the most impossible things. it’s when you don’t try you are the first one to give up on it. This referral was made to a guy though.

  491.  #491Healing Waterfall on April 17, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    and then post 482 also…..


  492.  #492Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 7:19 pm


    I stopped reaching out for my purse. I just hang there and smile. He looks at me, I look at him and smile. If they say – so miss it’s $3 for your coffee I nod to them, look at him and smile. No matter how long it takes for him to pay. No matter if I want to see him again or not.

    FUNNY: once a guy said I am out of cash (1st date). I said oh sure, no worries, I will wait till you go to the money machine – and smiled.

  493.  #493Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 7:23 pm


    If you want to practice with this guy you can always say it would feel nice to go out again, but I prefer it to be closer to me again.. thank you, I appreciate your romancing me or something along these lines.

  494.  #494Healing Waterfall on April 17, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Hi Memulo,

    That’s funny. I like that. Wow….you just hang there and smile, that’s good….

    I feel so vulnerable doing that….

    i feel like I did when my dad paid for anything when i was a kid, TERRIBLE….

    I always wanted to pay for everything myself, so I would not have to feel bad for making him lose money over me….

    thanks, you helped me realize this about myself…

  495.  #495Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 7:27 pm


    You are helping him to create a romantic experience for himself 😉

  496.  #496Memulo on April 17, 2012 at 7:29 pm


    Just wondering and apologies if you said this before – you are not from UK by any chance?

  497.  #497Healing Waterfall on April 17, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    Thanks Memulo,

    It probably would be good for me to practice with him….

    I can’t imagine kissing him though….

    how about if i say

    It would feel good to see you again. Thank-you for driving to meet me, it made me feel special that you drove all that way to meet me.

    It didn’t feel good that on our first date I paid for my tea. I feel more comfortable considering a relationship with a man if he pays on dates….

  498.  #498T-Girl on April 17, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    481 HW – wow, his message is kind of a turn off? Especially with him wanting to meet closer to his home next time.

    Maybe say “Yes, I did feel uncomfortable because I am used to men paying on dates.”

  499.  #499Healing Waterfall on April 17, 2012 at 7:37 pm

    No, from US.

    I think your fm when you got the text was fine….i probably would have said the same thing.

    maybe i might have said also….. I feel curious, what part of me were you thinking of?

  500.  #500T-Girl on April 17, 2012 at 7:40 pm

    HW – I have had that happen in the past where men did not pay for my coffee either. It really is an uncomfortable situation and I know I didn’t handle it right. But those men never got a second chance either.

    Actually, one of the guys is a friend of mine now (he instantly went into the friend zone). His take is that he has so many meet and greets with women he meets online that he feels a first coffee or soda date he shouldn’t have to pay for in case it doesn&#