Baby Steps To Circular Dating

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I’m still jumping off Lisa’s comment that she can barely look a man in the eye, much less even consider “dating” one.  To get her, and you – started – here’s some  new baby-steps…and I’ll keep working this into the idea of a “Road Trip” to love.

Try this for now:

Baby Step 1- Make Friends.

This is a “beginners” way to ease into “Dating” – and it IS actually Circular Dating – since Circular Dating is all about interacting with a man – wherever you are – without trying to “label” it something, even not bothering to label it “flirting” or “eye contact.”

This is where you use all my Tools around CURIOSITY.

Get curious about people out there.  Notice when you’re stuck in your own head, your own thoughts, your own fears – and see if you can get interested in what might be happening with other people.  And as you get curious about “people” – you can gradually allow yourself to get more curious and interact with “men.”

Baby Step 2 – Open Your Eyes

I’ve actually never talked about this before – (think I’ll turn it into an eletter Tool).

See if you can notice when your eyes are looking inside your head.  See if you can catch yourself looking down at the floor, or into your shopping cart, or at signs and newspapers and small things.

Although these small, wonderful objects will ground you…and I want you to use them…for this Tool, I want to see if you can catch yourself “narrowing down your vision.”

See if you can catch yourself making your eyes, your PERSPECTIVE, your attention – small.

Now – just Open Your Eyes!  Just lift your head up and look straight around the room.  Scan everything in the market, or the bookstore, or the dry cleaners, or wherever you are – everything you can see at your natural eye level, standing in the Rori Raye Dance Position. Take it all in.

This may feel scary for a minute – it’s sort of looking out at the entire vista when you’re at the top of a roller coaster, instead of looking “straight ahead” – but breathe, use my Tools to sink into yourself and soften up and open your heart, and see if you can just BE wherever you are, looking around.

Be sure to ground yourself into the floor so you don’t fall over…

Baby Step 3 – Smile

See if you can, while you’re feeling a bit woozy just standing there taking in what’s around you – as far to the ends of the room or the park, or wherever you are that you can see – Smile.

Smile to the space. Don’t worry about who’s in front of you, and if you feel silly – try to enjoy that feeling of silliness.

Now – even if all this only lasts a second or two – you’ve started moving forward!  This is how it’s done.  It will shift your perspective, your attitude and your “vibe” just enough to let you know that you have so many more possibilities out there and inside you than you’re believing in right now – and it will get you started believing in them.

AND – remember to LOVE YOURSELF while you’re doing all this!

Here’s to Open Eyes…

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Maria on March 30, 2009 at 11:10 am

    OOkei, Linny and Ag, first post!!!

  2.  #2Maria on March 30, 2009 at 11:12 am

    Hit on the nail, this post clicks to the rythym of my life cos today is the VERY first day l took courage to start making baby steps toward circular dating and lm just about to get my very first ababy steps. Hold my hands, mamma Rori and girls!!!lm very scared!

  3.  #3Maria on March 30, 2009 at 11:14 am

    l signed myself to a site and lm emailing back to some people as l speak…..

  4.  #4Maria on March 30, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    lm scared….lm afraid l bring the monster out again….what should l do?

  5.  #5Daria on March 30, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    Maria it’s ok to bring the monster out! Especially online! It’s really safe there (assuming it stays online).

    So go for it. Remember what happens with the particular guy is practice!!! Practice practice! Doesn’t matter that he turned into a monster… thats GOOD… you get to practice healing this monster thingy… then next time you’ll feel better and can try something else … until the thingy just fades away on its own because it no longer triggers you or you have a revelation or simply doesn’t seem to come up anymore…

  6.  #6Linmayu on March 30, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    Maria beat me to the punch! I’m loving the concept of baby steps to circular dating. Smile, make eye contact, make friends. I have had a few bad, awkward first dates…and it feels good to now have a couple men who may be potential dates, but we’re intentionally starting as friends. Lowers expectations right off the bat, lowers the awkwardness factor, lowers the fear factor on my part. In fact…yeah. I’m not going to date at all. Just make friends with a whole bunch of like-minded, wonderful men, and unexpectedly find myself married again. What do you think?

  7.  #7Winks on March 30, 2009 at 3:55 pm

    Linmayu, friends sounds like a great way to do baby steps and practice and get free therapy. I love online dating for the resource of all the men! 🙂
    Eventually though, I’ve had the experience that unless there is a sexual spark in the beginning it doesn’t progress much beyond friends. Or at least not for the distance. The steady flow of men is also good for practicing flirting, no?

  8.  #8alias girl on March 30, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    i feel very proud and supportive of you maria. i like online bc i feel safe while i am still in my frog stage. i’ve had men express anger and hostility at me (not a lot but just scary when it happens) and it’s email and they don’t even know who i am so i feel safe. just stay emailing within the dating site because that way the man doesn’t have personal info on you until you want him to. some guys will email their personal email but i always stay with the site until i feel safe.

    linmayu i don’t know. i feel confused. rori used to say don’t be friends with a man so? not sure. ?

  9.  #9Linda on March 30, 2009 at 5:23 pm

    I have been reading several of the last emails from Rori offering relationship tool for the week.! I have had an epifany!!! Oh my gosh!

    I have been circular dating. It has been good for the most part for me. It has stretched me. I am listening to all of their messages. Taking note of them and how I feel, and my how my body feels. Such good advise and barameter for me. Who would have known. Thanks Rori!…My confidence is growing and I am feeling pretty good about myself, what I have to offer etc. The men I have met pretty much say the same thing to me..You are geniune, beautiful, and easy to talk. Glad they noticed! lol I am all those things and much more.

    I have met this one guy, I am attracted to him on many levels and he is to me it seems but he is warm and cold at the same time and this triggers negative, leaning forward behavior in me. After reading the last few relationship tool emails I know what to do!

    I have dreams and a relationship I want. I could slip back into changing my dream to fit him but… yesterday I put into words a vision that I have for my life. While there is great potential for us… he has disqualified himself with me. The last email put it into words. I have choices and I wont slide into a relationship and make it fit. He is going to have to fit me. My options are open and I am still communicating with other men. In fact, I got a great email from someone that caught my eye a week ago… I thought that was great! In that one it said… you are a classy lady whos knows it! YEP! he gets it.

    So between that reminder, my vision for my life and the last email from Rori, I have my plan. I am going to have the relationship I want, I like this guy but he has to step up and I am not willing to put my life on hold on him to make up his mind. He seemed so decisive and now it is as if he backpeddling.. so I guess using feeling messages and communicating… ” I know what I want in my life and have dreams and a vision for it, so many of the things that we have talked fit that vision… .”I want a committed, real, and solid relationship” to start making that dream a reality” . Where do you see this going between us?….. Okay is that too forward ? I felt good to type the more I think about it actually saying it I dont know…Is this something I keep to myself and let it run my inner attitude… and men will pick up on it?

    We just seemed to flow at first and now we dont. He was so warm and forward with me now it stalls and he offers crumbs. Timing is everything I think sometimes. All I know is that I am leaning back going not going to make my dream fit an imaginary relationship. I cant live my life with my eyes wide shut!..

    I am new at this, so much to learn… I guess since I actually met a guy I liked I lost my inner strength.. at least the posts and emails have helped me anchor again.


  10.  #10Ann on March 30, 2009 at 6:06 pm

    I would like to share how I circular date. As I said before I do things I enjoy. I’ve also been looking for other things that help me feel good.

    I try to pay attention to my vibe when I’m out. Do I feel closed off? Are my arms crossed? Am I leaning forward?

    If I feel closed off I will literally shake my arms trying to loosen up be more open. If I notice my arms crossed I uncrossed them, let them hang at my sides(or in another comfortable position) with palms facing forward.

    If I feel like I’m leaning forward or moving forward I lean back.

    I make eye contact with men, if they nod I nod back. If they speak I answer. If they compliment me I say thank you.

    If they flirt and I feel like it I flirt back. That feels uncomfortable to write because as most of you know I’m married. But at the same time I trust you ladies and I know my truth. I’m not leading anyone on I’m having a good time and appreciating the moment.

    I have a mail email buddy who is almost 20 years my senior. He thinks I’m beautiful but at the same time he knows we are just email buddies. No expectations.

    That’s the basics of my circular dating.

    I would like to share a little story tho. My daughter reads this blog too and uses alot of the tools. She doesn’t quit grasp circular dating tho. We were talking about it the other night. Rori if I gave her the wrong info please correct me here.

    I told her dating was about nothing but having fun, practicing the tools. Focusing on herself and things that feel good to her. That Rori even advocates married woman circular date. OMG ladies you should of seen the look on her face. Sorry baby girl I’m laughing with you.

    Anyway I told her(I read her mind there) whoa, she advocates dating myself, having fun, doing things I enjoy. Speaking my truth to men, enjoying their compliments etc… I could feel her relax lol

  11.  #11Dorothea on March 30, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    So! Tonight I decided to try a little online dating. Actually, it started as me posting a joke ad poking fun at all the bad spelling and grammar on the dating site, cuz my boss and I were just having some fun (I proofread for him professionally so we’re total snobs and expect a decent level of respect for grammar. BTW, all the goddesses here type very well and with decent spelling and grammar!).

    But I got tons of positive response to my silly joke! It feels like so much fun to have all these men trying to get my attention cuz I made a joke in my authentic style! However, they ALL are like “you should keep my email around” or “I should give you my private email if you want to talk more” or things like that. THEY DON’T MAKE A MOVE after a few emails back and forth. They don’t say they want to talk to me more but instead suggest that if I would want to talk to them more, I know where to find them, and that doesn’t feel interesting to me at all. I’ve BEEN talking to them. If I didn’t want to talk to them, I wouldn’t have replied again and again.


  12.  #12Dorothea on March 30, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    I am new to this but I responded to the most interesting one who said I should save his email or get his other email address so I can chat with him again by saying (paraphrasing, here) “I took your suggestion and saved your email so now the next time you email me I won’t have to wonder to myself who the unfamiliar email address belongs to.”

    This feels like so much fun because I feel safe to experiment with my communication and feelings.

    Another guy said “Keep in touch, maybe we can chat on gmail some time. Good luck with your paper.” I responded to the body of his email and signed it “keeping in touch” with my name. In hindsight, this is very Leaning Forward. I can see that I felt desperate to get the ball out of my hands and back into his as quickly as possible here!

    Am I always going to have to try to put the ball back in his hands? This turns me off. I believe in equality but at first I really just like to see where the man leads me. If I have to gently push every man in that direction, I am going to start feeling tired of it:P

  13.  #13Tracy on March 30, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    i feel circular dating really helps us to open us and be ourselves
    I realized that i really have a big problem speaking my truth..yet whenever i feel uncormfortable or sad the guy i am with gets the vibe..i feel that i shud do more of listening at level 2 catching my feelings and expressing them to my family and friends….
    I feel that by speaking my truth,i feel more cormfortable and i feel more of me coming forward…
    baby steps but i feel excited that i am able to catch myself not saying out aloud how i truly feel…
    I feel i should start with those people around me then with time i’l learn to do it with even strangers…
    I loved Rori’s e-letter about having a vision and mapping out the relationship you want and waiting upon the guy to fit into your dream if he can.It was a light bulb moment for me…..
    it felt so relieving to finally get it… takes time to practise but i feel happy that i am slowly getting it…
    i feel excited about being feminine circular dating and waiting for the right guy to step up…i feel that he will…

  14.  #14Daria on March 30, 2009 at 8:10 pm

    I feel kinda sad…

    I got a call from ex #1. This is good. (I thought he was calling me back about the message I sent him about needing reassurance about a money situation I helped him with… he said he hadn’t heard my message).

    I said hi. He said hi. I said I feel so glad to hear from you. He said silence… I felt honestly glad and rushed and really wanted to get reassurance on the business thing… so I said so whats going on with the thing? … ? did you get my message? He said no… oh you’re calling about That

    (well actually he had called me right now… and yes I was calling about That at the time I called which was 2 days ago). So he brings me up to date and reassures me about the situation.

    Also mentions that he went to the hospital to see what his child is going to be… I felt sad … so I guess he is having a baby after all… I feel deeply sad right now… I feel pressure pressing from the crown of my head down through my nose and my lips feel pouty and my eyes feel watery and my upper lip area stings and my face feels hot… I love my feelings… I love feeling deeply grieved…

    I did feel a little surprised and weirdly even a tiny bit happy for him. I did not ask about what his child is or say anything…

    he kept telling me about the money situation and I shared my part and how I felt scared and stuff about it…

    At the end I said Im feeling kinda rushed I have to go to work but I feel glad to talk to you and maybe I can talk to you later … (I was feeling rushed and didn’t get the last part all feelingy)

    He said yeah.. call me… I said ok (oops…I’m not actually going to call and said ok… drat)

    so anyway I feel sad… I feel heavy in my jaw and it feels tight… It feels like I want to feel sad and tell myself a story… I want my boy to help me picture a good Un-Dissapointing scenario… It feels sad in my tummy too

    I feel all slooooowed down… I kinda like this feeling… targeting Mr. Right has helped me a lot with feeling and okaying and shifting my feelings… as I was sharing yesterday…

    I just feel sad that he is not with me? for me? I love him and I don’t want to not have him in my life… that feels sad…

    I feel sad…

    I feel afraid of not meeting anyone better and I feel hopeless. I’ve been circular dating for a long time…

  15.  #15Daria on March 30, 2009 at 8:46 pm

    Btw I should mention that I actually feel pretty good. I feel tired because of not sleeping much last nite…

    However… I feel pretty good and am doing a lovely job of feeling my feelings and not focusing on ex #1 and his upcoming child witha nother woman that TRAITOR. Which is awesome.

    (that was a joke sortof).

    Anyway I feel very even keel and actually think that will feel much better after rest. Wait I do feel good. I feel excited to go on a mini date with a guy new
    in about 30 min.

    Um so I don’t feel that bad at all. Actually right now I feel tired and good and calm. Wow. I mustve been having mega breakthroughs and am at a new normal.

    This is a time of the month (mid cycle) when I usually feel good though…

  16.  #16alias girl on March 30, 2009 at 8:53 pm

    i feel you daria. my ex#1 is around doing what he does. whatever that is. i feel very happy when our energy is connected to each other again.

    last night i was thinking of telling him i don’t want men in my life who i feel punished by.


    however as i was considering this two things occurred to me;

    1) i also Punish him when i get scared, or triggered or i can’t control him, or things don’t go my way

    2) maybe i do want to be punished. i know it sounds weird. it was an odd thought to come up. i still feel weird that it may be true. but i think it is. it feels true. i like it. i like to be punished by a man i love. okkkkeeeeeeeee. wha?

    exactly. so that’s what i’m sort of sitting with. do i or do i not want to be punished? the answer still seems to be yes.

    so today when ex#1 texted i texted him back.

    i feel confused about us.

    he texted back basically that this is nothing new and what am i confused about now.

    i texted that i felt love for him. i feel bad when i can’t control things. i feel confused about what i want. what does he think?

    he stopped texting.

    and one would think i would be angry that he didn’t respond. but i was highly amused. i still feel chuckling laughter about it.

    so my point is i have no idea what i want or what is motivating my choices.

    oh and that i relate to you daria.

  17.  #17Daria on March 30, 2009 at 9:06 pm

    Thanks alias Girl. I love when you respond to me… I feel very connected and kinda admiring of you.

    I felt interested when you said that u weren’t convinced I was a genius before… I actually felt kinda flattered but also concerned…

    because it seems I LIKE (some) men who don’t accept or recognize my “good qualities” at face value and like I kinda want to “earn their love/trust/respect.” Of course you are not a man but I thought of that. It also kinda reminds me of what you said about wanting to be punished, for me it’s like I want to Earn…

    like part of me said GOOD Alias girl did not think I was a genius but NOW I won her over. And also a part of me did feel a little indignant that I was not thought of as a genius before…

    A lot of times I catch myself wanting to show how smart I am or how “cool” I am by saying something “cool” about a situation or talking too loud on the phone… I feel teary eyes in that weird not sad way right now…

  18.  #18alias girl on March 30, 2009 at 9:24 pm

    i feel amused. i feel connected to you also daria and alos admiring. aometimes i feel jealous. (and sometimes better than.) sometimes even smarter (yo!) and sometimes not as smart. i feel bad i have all this comparing going on but it is what it is. i am not fully evolved. i still feel very insecure in the world and am constantly trying to see how i measure up and if i’m good enough. (or better than unfortunately)

    anyhoo. i find it interesting with my new epiphany that i like to be punished. and the men i pick appraently like to be punished also bc we both keep coming back for more. i mean that’s not all there is to it obviously but it is certainly a strong dynamic. i like to push up ag=nst them and see if they fall over or go scimpering away. healthy? porbably not. but i LIKE it.

    🙁 how am i going to end up with mr right? my mr right is oddball like me.

    oh dear. i feel concerned. i feel perplexed.

    anyway yes i could tell you were sharp daria but genius hadn’t even occurred to me until you mentioned it. it’s like that movie director stanley kubrick used to have people refer to him as a genius and he was self referring to himself as a genius (oooh sorry about the grammar there grammar cop (kidding!)
    then it just caught on and now people think he is a genius. kubrick = genius. if you google it you will probably get alot of action.

    but i am partly teasing you right now daria.bc i feel i can get a rise out of you.

    oh dear. i feel concerned i am taking things too far and no one will get my humor.

  19.  #19Daria on March 30, 2009 at 9:30 pm


    actually I use that technique if you can call it that… it’s part of my people skills… I’ll call myself something or say something about myself repeatedly and when I hear the next person say it I know it’s caught on…

    I feel weird teary eyes… thank you…

    I had just paused my targeting mr right to say that

    Whoa… He called me. I mean I did call like 2 days ago and leave a message but he called me.

    Yeah… that’s kinda cool. I guess they’re all showing up for me to practice on.

    I want to do trauma resolution… I feel I was traumatized in middle school by people teasing me and feeling betrayed, hopeless, alienated, lonely. And I taught myself to numb it out by staring at my fingernails. Which i do now too…

  20.  #20Daria on March 30, 2009 at 9:33 pm

    I meant he called me earlier as I mentioned. Not right now.

    I love feeling totally goddesslike aroudn men now. I’m starting to feel more and more goddess like even by myself.

    Also today I woke up not feeling bored or lonely.

  21.  #21Daria on March 30, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    So I have been noticing that I kinda “dissociate” at random times during the day. Like my vision is not focused narrowly or outwardly, it’s like all fuzzy and unfocused and I’m actually thinking about something else not in front of me.

    What does this mean? It doesn’t feel good right now when I catch myself doing it… What do you think?

  22.  #22Daria on March 30, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    Ok so I’m posting here which I’m realizing I could have done earlier for safety:

    Right now I’m meeting a guy named Farhaod I met from myspace… he lives by san Jose and I think goes to san Jose state…

    I’m going to try to remind myself to post info here when I have dates with new men I don’t know that well.

  23.  #23Linmayu on March 30, 2009 at 10:14 pm

    I’m loving all this wonderful energy here. It feels like some kind of floodgates opened up and there’s all this flow and change and awesomeness going on.

    AG, I know Rori said don’t be friends with men, andI think that was for specifically when you’re in love with someone and he wants to be your friend. In my situation, I’m currently specifically looking for friends and not someone to love, not yet. If one of these friend seeds happens to grow into a lover plant over time, then fabulous…but I don’t feel settled enough with myself to be serious about any man. Not to mention, I’m not yet living in the part of the world where I want to settle down. I cannot have a repeat of the situation where I married someone and *then* found out that he didn’t want to leave Chicago, EVER. I love this city and my roots are here, but I am not someone who can just stay put somewhere. Not without at least the means to travel frequently.

    I feel really head-oriented right now…

  24.  #24Daria on March 31, 2009 at 12:31 am

    Yay Travel… I like travel and that feels scary like I will never get to rest or live and have a home for sure somewhere where it will be forever and rooted into the ground. Ahh

    Scary feels yum

  25.  #25Daria on March 31, 2009 at 12:36 am

    IM so freakin triggered by the littlest thing… Im always freezing or fighting or fleeing. Whatt.. I am going to thaw this out… if this changes for me I Am going to turn into a superhuman Goddess… is that ok? that feels scary and euphoric filling with power and glory… whoa… ok… feels scary because of fear of excess… fear of being gross… fear of being evil… I love my fears… I love my disgust for myself and I love myself… ewww… I feel gross… I love my grossness and I feel really weird… I’m having images of people beating themselves in a monestary… gross.. ok… like im selfflaggelating myself… that feels disturbing and gross… every time I write the word disgusting it’s like I feel a little electic shock prod somewhere… I love my amazing wild feelings… thank you uncontrollable feelings… this is really amazing if you think aobu it… golly i think I just “fleed” that intense scene… lol… maybe this is a good way to flee from some obsessive thoughts… yay for flee.

  26.  #26Daria on March 31, 2009 at 1:34 am


    So Im watching mr right and practicing riffing.

    For One of my wants I used an example of rori’s:

    Problem: I’ll never have the man I want.

    Flipped want: I want Mr. Right. (rori’s words)

    So I feel really repulsed by the words Mr. Right. I feel disgusted and repulsed. That sounds so corny and NOT RIGHT to me… why do I have this ?

    When I was younger I was grossed out by the idea of marriage or sappy love… kinda

    Umm… so I feel gross wanting Mr. RIght. I feel like If I had Mr. Right I would feel unbearably bored and I would destroy myself with alcoholism or depression or just waste away of hopelessness and boredom… It would feel like a trap like a shallow hopeless existence… kinda like Madame Bovary but worse… I feel it would feel awful, way more awful than suffering and trying to relate to bad boys or mr not quite so right but maybe we can do it together…

    I dream of an im difficult youre difficult and its just us together… that doesn’t sound like mr right… it sounds so natural and beautiful… too natural and beautiful for me says my voice… my kind of girls dont get love like that… Im not worthy enough, not holy enough, not real and natural enough, not goddess enough…

    hmmm… I feel judgement of myself and wishing I was a different kind of woman… a naturally beautiful queen woman that no man would ever question her womaness or her dignity or her right to the world…

    the women I picture like that don’t look like me…

    I want to picture ME as the beautiful goddess and it feels like I have to fight for that… and that my goddess will be alone… and not be feminine and natural … more like cold like a vampire… i don’t want to be like a vampire i want to be an island kinda girl with natural grace beauty and a tropical feeling…

    I feel disappointed … oh yeah we’re supposed to love what we have… I do feel I am pretty glowy… why can’t I GET A GOOD PICTURE OF MYSELF IN MY MIND!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I feel so angry11 and I feel a weird taste in my mouth and I almost cried… I squeezed my eyes shut and it feels like something is pinching my spine at the base of my neck and my lower back and my cheekbone and hand and ribs oh my…. I love all of that… lol… I feel amused… I feel like I am santa claus… ho ho ho… I am jolly… I am jolly and safe… not feminine and alluring… you can love me… ARRGHTTTAGGHHHH… I feel so weird… I don’t quite understand what I am talking about… and I love myself… I love my weird feleings … and that feels like hmm… good… yeah… andt hat feels like tingling… so now I’m going to listen to some more targeting MR. GROSS

    Mr. Right = MR. Gross to me

    I hate that word. MR. Right… sounds like a horse… YUCK GROSS… yuck… ufgguhufff

  27.  #27Daria on March 31, 2009 at 1:47 am

    I’m watching Targeting Mr. Right and one of the women was riffing and I felt so moved I have been sobbing all through it… I can’t tell if I fel so sad for her pain or so happy for her possible joy I cry when I read happy reuniting stories and when something happens that someone loses someone they love that makes me feel SO SAD. I do NOT want to lose people I love. THERE IS NO COMPROMISING. I do NOT want to. I do NOT WANT TO.

    Ok thank you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I do not know or understand much of this part of myself that cries and what or why and I feel kinda weirded out but also proud that I am able to do this.

  28.  #28Daria on March 31, 2009 at 1:50 am

    I love my rudeness.

    Sorry for overposting.

    Get it?… its ironic

    I love my rudeness.

  29.  #29Daria on March 31, 2009 at 2:00 am

    I wanna say something… I feel compelled…
    I feel worried that all the riffs everyone thought were so great I did so intensely because I was high. Because smoking pot really intensifies some emotional states and trances and gets really imaginative and energy and power.

    I am saying this because I do not want to feel ashamed of my smoking pot and I DO. I And I LOVE MY SHAME.

    I LOVE IT>… RAURGGH…. I feel like a biblical man on a clif ripping his white cloth outfit with one hand on a mountain top and screaming at the sky with insanity/desperation. Hmmm. Very weird visions.

    I now expect everyone to judge me for smoking pot. I feel tense in my shoulders and hunched forward and VERY alert and on defense. I feel like apologizing to everyone. I am not who you thought I was. I actually smoke pot and am a loser, a good for nothing person in society… that’s why I hate society. I am going through some strange voices right now people.

    Anyways just so you know I smoke all the time so almost all my posts that you thought were interesting before were me being high. I feel like everyone is criticizing me although I am typing to myself. Umm… so I guess I have really build a huge deal out of this issue by avoiding it. I really need to love myself . I love that I smoke weed. I love that I’ma weed smoker. I love what that means I love myself. I love myself smoking weed. I love myself smoking weed. I love myself smoking weed. I love myeslf smoking weed. I love myeslef smoking weed.

    Yes I know you want me to not say this on a blog (who am I talking to???))) but I don’t care. I ma total misfit and I am graffitting this blog with talk of doing DRUGS… yes drugs… marijuana drugs… I Feel scared I am going to get in big trouble for writing this… wow… I feel embarassed of being a dork… I feel triggered by dork… Um I have a bad story about being called a dork that sucked…

    I feel humiliated and angry and NUmb thinking about it…

    I feel tense in my neck and shoulders… dude… the stress I give myself over smoking WEED… omg I just triggered the shit out of myself…


    ok this is kinda fun… trigger game… its like zapping myself with an emotional stun gun

  30.  #30alias girl on March 31, 2009 at 2:02 am

    i feel bummed that i missed this great newletter that linda and tracy were talking about. so i signed back up for rori’s newsletter. i don’t want to feel left out on something good.

    dorothea i attracted that alot with the the men that you feel you’re bottoming from the top. or is it topping from the bottom. anyway is a totally crude saying and i should use a different analogy. but i feel pretty confident it will shift for me. rori says we will attract more masculine men as we become more godessey/diva like. she doesn’t say it exactly like that.

    i feel sad. 🙁

    i feel very stuck in my head yet i feel a fleeing from my thoughts but i can’t get in my body so i feel like i am trapped in some sliver of existence that doesn’t even really exist and it feels gross. and like i am trying to run from being electrocuted. flee flee flee from my own self. ugh. i feel very wanting to be able to feel sensations in my body like daria describes and i can’t bc i’m barely in my body. i feel sadness. i feel tears and some wierd twitching shoulder and a weird set jaw. and a tightness in my forehead. it’s that tight metal band around my head.i feel angry. oh surprise. i love my anger. i love my sarcasm about my anger. i feel sad. i feel weird eyebrows moving up. i feel a twitching in my left temple. arrrrrrrggggh. i feel some weird thing with my pelvis. wtf. i feel angry and sad at the same time.

  31.  #31Daria on March 31, 2009 at 2:05 am

    I feel shocked at how mean I was to myself just now… zapping myself with an emotional stun gun?? whoa… I don’t want to do that to myself… I give myself a hug… that was very brave to go there… thank you… Im sorry you felt attacked… thank you… I love you and I’m here for you and I’m in charge… and I embrace you… and I’m going to go on feeling better and doing what makes me feel good, and what makes me bigger and happier so I can have more love and compassion to share with you and with the world. And I won’t abadnon you. I promise.


    I feel like I over did it with hugs… that’s too cutesy… I feel grossed out judgemental about the corneyness… and that feels like tightening in my rihgt lower hip and my shoulders… and I love the tightening in my hip and my shoulders… and that feels like leaning back and yawning and more tightening in my upper spine and neck… and I love my tightening in upper spine and neck and In my jaw… And that feels like half burping and I love my burp and the feeling of disgust I feel in my stomach…

    trigger word of the day: disgust… ahh I can feel my cheekbones tighten and that feels like … um I mean I love my cheekbones and back and lower hip…. and that feels like smiling a little bit ok lets stop NOW

  32.  #32alias girl on March 31, 2009 at 2:07 am

    i feel a twitching in my foot. i feel energy in my left foot. i feel like i just want to pummel something with my fists. i feel like i wish i was a bear in a bear fight with another bear over a female bear. two males. i saw on tv once. intense. OVER A FEMALE BEAR. heeeheee. that makes me feel good. i feel shakey inside.

    i feel angry.the one bear took a dump during the fight he was so scared. i feel numb. i feel oooh weird i feel my legs want to run weird. where? why? i feel sad. i feel really weird. i feel like stopping. whoa.

  33.  #33alias girl on March 31, 2009 at 2:11 am

    hee. daria. i feel like i already knew this. i feel like you subtly already gave us this information. i still feel impressed with your riffs. stoner. 🙂

  34.  #34Daria on March 31, 2009 at 2:19 am

    lol I did. I just didn’t really put it out there in a post. I just kinda tested the waters. at first I kinda felt terrified that my mom would look up the page and read the blog. which could still happen. so i guess the point is im taking a baby step toward being more authentic.

    I also need to work on it well actually now feel freed to work on it because I Feel absolutley embarassed writing about it like im gonna get kicked off the blog or something. Which I know won’t happen or at least I hope not… that would rock my world in a not feel good way…

    well i feel stressed about it a lot becuase I hide it from my parents and i feel inauthentic about taht… and it carries over to how I relate to people… especially when I have smoked (when I’m high… ugh that feels so triggering to say to a “polite”audience) and how I perceive people would judge me if they knew and it’s basically a big issue stressor for me

    I feel like I have to hide that I smoke marijuana.

    Flip: I want to feel comfortable with myself no matter what I’m doing, even smoking marijuana. No I don’t. What if this voice is tryina protect me… what if feeling comfortable with myself would mean I was a junkie and would continue behavior that could hurt me… I don’t want to hurt me… I don’t want pot to hurt me… I think it mostly should could be ok every once in awhile… I want to feel ok and clear on what I really feel is the TRUTH dammit!!

    Bang bang hand on the table.


    Tgat feels fun. Imagining banging my hand on the table. Yeah… that feels powerful. Bang Bang…

    Tiem to sleep

  35.  #35alias girl on March 31, 2009 at 2:19 am

    whoa. weird synchronicity with the timing of comments there. i’m praising daria’s riffs at almost the exact same time she is zapping herself about her riffs. weird.

  36.  #36Daria on March 31, 2009 at 2:22 am

    <} Alias Girl

  37.  #37Dorothea on March 31, 2009 at 2:53 am

    Quick question for everyone…Do any of you girls feel silly and phony sometimes when you’re using a lot of feeling messages? Like..”any minute now..he is going to catch on and realize every other sentence starts ‘I feel…'”

    I’ve only had a man catch on once, and he showed it by mocking me. That FELT awful so I never saw him again even though he was nonetheless begging for another date. Hah. I feel ironic.

    Daria, thanks for taking the time to address my comment even though you were feeling all that intense stuff. Also, I really, really, really feel there is no shame in smoking mj (really, REALLY! smoking it isn’t shameful, being a loser when you can do better is shameful. The two aren’t actually directly related. It depends on the person, like a lot of things that are perfectly legal – EG BEER), but I feel hesitant to offend anyone by bringing this up. I feel like you and I are alike in a lot of ways. I feel grateful, therefore, to have your insight around.

  38.  #38Tracy on March 31, 2009 at 7:41 am

    For me i felt uncormfortable at first trying to use feeling messages all the time…but with time the more you focus on expressing your feelings the more the words just come out naturaly…i stil have a problem talking in feeling messages especially with guyz but i feel that i am now focusing more in expressing how i feel about situations and trying to process it all.Like just now i got so triggered by my Ex…
    I felt sad when i saw him leave,and i felt he should have talked to me more,discussed us…but he was in a hurry to go home…it really triggered me…I felt sad and withdrawn and left out….i felt alone…i love my sadness and loneliness and right now i feel i should just process thorugh it…i feel i need to be loved and cherised by a guy who is actually and physically there for me…I stil like this guy maybe even love him but i feel i deserve better i feel i can get better…
    wow…feels much better now…

  39.  #39Priscilla on March 31, 2009 at 7:51 am

    Dorothea, I feel really silly when I use feeling messsages so I try not to overdue it. I think Rori mentioned somewhere you don’t have to use them ALL the time, only when you want your man to hear you. When you are communicating how you feel. I don’t think you have to use them in everyday conversations unless you feel like you need to express youself. I feel silly only because it’s new to me so I don’t use them too much. I don’t want to come off looking like a phony because I’m trying to make myself use feeling messages. Then, it’s not authentic; I’m in a role and that’s not me.
    Daria, your confession was great! I don’t think anyone here wants to judge you. But I know this site is all about healing yourself and being the best woman you can be. I want you to ask yourself this question: Am I healing myself, taking care of myself, being a Siren and a Goddess and being the best woman I can be by smoking marijuana? I feel you are a wonderful person and I would hate to see such class and beauty go to waste.

  40.  #40Rori Raye on March 31, 2009 at 12:28 pm

    Welcome, Winks – and thank you for your encouraging and lovely comment, Love, Rori

  41.  #41Daria on March 31, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    Hi ladies…

    this issue of being “caught” using feeling messages has come up before a few weeks and posts ago.

    I try to use feeling messages all the time. In fact I naturally do use them a lot now, especially in easy casual conversation. I love the FEEL of them it puts me in a feeling and relaxed feminine state.

    I have been “called out” by guys and am not hte only one. In fact a couple of difficult exes used to bug me… you always FEEL something, what’s wrong with you, that can’t just be your personality…

    well… 1. The I feel statements “worked” on them anyway

    2. the first few times I freaked out… and felt awful! I felt inauthentic and caught! Now such comments flow off me like water… yes I use feeling statements, I use them all the time, and if a guy notices this and makes an unsupportive he is just teasing me the way he would about something else and … I don’t stop using them, and I don’t have to feel bad about it (but is ok if I do). I bet he’ll be a lot more drawn in and appreciative when i say… I feel uncomfortable right now… instead of … silence or Why do you have to do that?

    The point is that I now naturally incorporate feeling statements so they really ARE part of my personality. It’s softening even my family relationships.

    I even use a word we don’t use in our family … I feel furious. That has really helped… and I think I heard my mom use it after!

    What I say when I am “cornered” and really flat out asked to explain feeling messages is that… well…

    I want to exprss myself truthfully, and what I feel is always true (and of course it’s always ME, MY feelings, even if I did learn the language from an online relationship site).

    Feeling messages really work on guys… I think them calling it out on us is like

    US trying to call them out if they are doing something that we like. Like giving us a sexy look or being very gentleman like escorting us and opening door. We may tease the guy about it or even be sarcastic but we fall for it anyway. EVEN THOUGH WE KNOW HE’S DOING IT ON PURPOSE.

  42.  #42Linda G on March 31, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    I have had one guy remark negatively/mock my feeling messages in an email. I took it as his being a brute and toxic. The good guys I have dated have said they really enjoyed meeting/being with a woman who was so passionate and feeling and was warm and soft. These are the guys I want. Ironically, I just got IM’d from a guy who asked about dinner. I said “dinner feels good” and he said “are you going to sit on it?”. He’s a real comedian. I said “it will sit in me first.” we both laughed, I assumed he was just trying to make a joke.

    I cannot bear a toxic and callous man. I recently, well not so recently, broke off with a guy after a year who was callous. It was not fun, always trying to please him, making excuses for his mood. I consider myself lucky when I catch this early in a new guy.
    Linda G

  43.  #43Linda G on March 31, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    I have only had one guy call me out on using feeling messages. I took it as his being a brute and toxic. The goods guys I have dated have said they really enjoyed meeting a woman who feels things so passionately and is so soft and warm . These are the guys I want. Coincidentally, I just now got interrupted by a guy IM’ing me about dinner. When I answered “dinner would feel good” he said, “are you going to sit on it?” (he’s a real comedian). I said it would probably sit in me. we both laughed and I realized he was trying to be funny, I hope. I can bear to be around callous men. I had a one year relationship that broke my heart with a callous guy and it was miserable, always trying to please him, excuse him his moods. Not fun.

  44.  #44Dorothea on March 31, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    I feel triggered by Priscilla’s comment to Daria about smoking pot detracting from the pursuit of your Diva self. I feel like smoking pot is one of the ways I am nice to myself in the Goddess tradition. I feel very strongly about this. I cook with marijuana, I smoke marijuana, I make candies. I love it. I love marijuana. It feels wonderful. I love how natural it is and how it helps me a lot. It didn’t always help me. When you are going through especially precarious emotional waters, you can find yourself stuck in a stoned anxiety loop for a few hours. That feels awful. That is your brain/heart/body’s way of telling you that it’s not time for smoking to feel better, but rather it’s time for some real coping, so that opening your mind through the use of marijuana doesn’t lead to a flood of self-directed negativity and doubt. Sometimes these doubts are appropriate but when they are intensified by marijuana, they feel awful and scary to me! It has been a long time since I felt this way. I think participating in and reading this blog has been a constant factor in my new-found calmness, and for that I am really grateful.

    Anyway, I feel like I need to defend smart and ambitious stoner girls everywhere! I don’t feel suspicious or angry with Priscilla for expressing her feelings on the topic (in a very non-judgemental way) but I’m here to say loudly and proudly that I enjoy marijuana furiously. I prefer it to booze x10 and feel proud to have contributed to the successful electoral campaign that led to the decriminalization of marijuana possession for adults within my city and county’s limits.

    The keyword being SMART stoner girls. That means you’re smart enough to know when you really enjoy something in your life but just feel guilty because of society’s influence in your upbringing, and you’re smart enough to know when the thing you enjoy is hurting you. So if Daria is ever in town I challenge her to a blunt rolling competition.

    I wonder if the other posters feel ashamed of my comment. Like “OMG, these young ladies are out of freaking control!” Ok let me say it one more time and then I’ll drop it – I smoke pot every day and I get straight As and have a truly wonderful long term job. I am active in my community and socially. I loveeeeeeeee smoking weed. Yeah. Buddy. 😛

  45.  #45Dorothea on April 1, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    Oooh one of these dating site guys is smart, fine, and witty. Ain’t he lucky to have found his match today.

  46.  #46Dorothea on April 1, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    i mean met his match…as in, i could take him. bring it on!

  47.  #47Linda G on April 1, 2009 at 1:03 pm

    So let’s talk about this circular dating thing. A guy has been promising to come up and see me from DC to NY this weekend. He promised once before and cancelled and I was ultra bummed out. So this time, I said to myself, I am going to be sure to have as many dates as I can between now and then to act as a buffer. Well, I have not heard from him to confirm. Plus, one of my buffers cancelled on me! Argh! But, half an hour later, I received one IM and two phone calls from different men who want to meet me. So you know, it’s okay that one guy, or two guys even flake out. When there’s another comin’ round the bend, it’s still a bummer, but it’s easier to atke. I am looking at the guys’ flaking out as an opportunity for me to expand my horizons and time for new dates.

  48.  #48Daria on April 1, 2009 at 1:24 pm

    YAy Dorothea… I feel so good and happy and excited and smiling reading your comment!!1

    I love how you said that marijuana didn’t always help you. I am trying to (and finally making some progress on) learning how to use it to help me only and not hurt me.

    BTW Priscilla thank you for the very insightful question to ask myself:
    Am I healing myself, taking care of myself, being a Siren and a Goddess and being the best woman I can be by smoking marijuana?

    I can use this question to find what is best for me overall and also at a particular time.

    I did feel a little sad and weird reading that you are worried about my class and beauty going to waste. I felt a little triggered by the idea that something like that can “go to waste,” although I can see that happenign for an alcoholic person in movies or so on, or a crack addict on the street… where it feels like they are helpless and hopeless. I’m feeling weird now…

    Dorothea it would feel great if you share more about how you use mj to help you?

    I have experienced negative effects such as the anxiety loop and before used to smoke too much? maybe because I would wind up feeling cranky and tired, and also get cravings for it…

    I feel like I use smoking as a way to socialize because it feels really comfortable to go smoke with a guy or a friend… it is an easy reason to get together and have an activity…

  49.  #49Linmayu on April 1, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    I’ve never been called out for feeling messages…YET…but I have noticed, men around me sure use them a lot. The first time I said “I feel blablabla” out loud I felt like I was jumping off a cliff! And then my husband jumped all over me and yelled at me so hard that I might as well have been going off a cliff. It is not so terrifying now, but I only really feel comfortable using them over e-mail. In real-time, I still have to Try.

  50.  #50Micki on April 1, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    Been busy lately, and haven’t had a chance to read here for a while, but I appreciate this article so much! I had been confused about what “circular dating” was, and especially how it applied to me as a married woman, but this article was helpful.

    I think I already have a circular dating mindset, but didn’t realize it. I’ll put it this way: I love men, I really do, and I love talking with them and getting to know them, and I find most men a lot of fun to just kick back and hang out with. I almost always feel an “energy” with men. Men tend to like me, and I have had a lot of male friends tell me my husband is “lucky.” (Or my husband tells me about friends who tell him he is lucky!) It always makes me feel great and feeds my confidence, but since I’ve never really been attracted to anyone else since getting married, it hasn’t been a problem.

    That is, until I met this one particular man with whom I had an emotional affair with (it’s over). I WAS attracted to him. (His looks and mannerisms totally reminded me of my celebrity crush, and I melted. This, at a time that my husband was being a complete jerk to me.)

    The affair probably started because of this mindset I have, but I ended up getting hung up on him because he was bolder than any man I have run into in the past (after all, he pursued me, a married woman), and since I was attracted to him, I lost myself and got hung up on him.

    I think the reason men can find me attractive has a lot to do with my attitude–BECAUSE I’m not available and I know that to begin with–it’s not like I’m ever worried about attracting anyone or trying to get a date. I’m just having fun. Does that make any sense?

    I have to wonder if once I realized how attracted I was to this particular man, once he had “reeled me in” so to speak, if my “energy” changed? I probably lost the confidence and “cool” attitude or energy that I normally have. I don’t know. I’m a woman; I analyze everything! LOL

    I worry that if my husband and I do end up separating or divorcing (which is not unlikely) that I will never make it in the dating world…. I feel like I have a better chance attracting men as an unavailable, married woman than as a single girl!

    What do you do when you find yourself genuinely attracted to someone…even while circular dating…surely there is that “one” man you are hoping to snag. How the hell do you keep your cool?

  51.  #51Dorothea on April 1, 2009 at 8:02 pm

    We had a guest speaker tonight in class on the topic of translations. He said “I feel” 18 times. I feel lucky. I feel grateful. I feel comfortable. etc.

  52.  #52Dorothea on April 1, 2009 at 8:09 pm

    I just started online dating so I went back to an online dating post on this site for help with how to reply to men and you linked to your myspace in that post. I love your myspace. It feels so sexy, cool, and authentic. I have always joked about being too cool for myspace but I think you may have inspired me to make my own sexy, cool, and authentic myspace page to let the admirers roll in some more. It felt great seeing your page because I see that we have this “street” thing in common (I feel so silly typing that here…like freaking cheesy), and this is part of my personality I have kept out of conversations here because I felt like it would be out of place, so I would be happy to talk to you more about reefer and the anxiety loop. Do you think this is a good place to talk about it?

    How do the other women here feel about this thread of conversation? Maybe we can talk about it when I get my myspace account up.

  53.  #53Daria on April 1, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    Yay Dorothea! I feel freakin EXCITED!! I felt absolutely TERRIFIED linking my myspace at first because of this “street” thingy. I also kept it out of the blog convo for feeling afraid to be judged or whatever reason… I have only now kinda started to open up with it, first by posting my myspace and now by this mj post.

    I feel it would be ok for us to talk about anything here… (lol I feel a lot safer now if it was not just me). I do not know how the other sirens would feel… I feel interested about that.

    I feel liberated! Kinda like I do after reading an Alias Girl post when she nonchalantly and elegantly addresses something that feels terrifying to me.

    I also feel surprised that we would have that in common since you are obviously so educated and successful (as am I). That is so freakin cool to me. I feel really happy. Yay. doing a happy dance.

  54.  #54Daria on April 1, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    By the way I get 99% of my dates on myspace. I mean they are just rolling in. hehe!

  55.  #55Dorothea on April 1, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you the most important thing! I saw in your comments a man asking you “how are you ‘feeling’ today?” I busted up laughing.

  56.  #56Daria on April 1, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    haha yes… I was going to comment about how I actually got “busted out” for feeling on myspace…

    fortunately like I said it no longer bothers me at all… I guess it’s not really a trigger for me any longer…. yay for improvement…

  57.  #57Dorothea on April 1, 2009 at 11:38 pm

    I think what he asked feels like something you ask a goddess. Like the whole point is how the goddess is feeling. I have an image now of him fanning you with exotic giant feathers and asking you how you are “feeling” today like how you are feeling is the most important thing in the world.

  58.  #58alias girl on April 2, 2009 at 10:48 pm

    hi micki. rori says circular date and treat them all equal until one guy steps up and claims us And we choose him. if we don’t Choose him then we don’t have to be with him just bc he Chose us.

    treat them all equal but we can do sexual exclusivity with one man at a time if we want.

  59.  #59Linda G on April 3, 2009 at 4:30 am

    I am going to quickly post here to let off some steam. My long distance foirst date that is suppose d top happen tomorrow has not contacted me to confo=irm details. I am trying to just focus on other things, even though I have been planning my outfit for weeks, going to the gym getting my hair done, etc all ij anticipation. I know I should not focus on him, I don’t know him. But the anticipation has led me to the importance of always being “ready” for the good one. Still, I have scared I have been fooled again, even though Rori says until a guy meets you, he has no feeling for you. It is just so ingrained in me that a man should be the center of my world, I always fall back into that pattern, especially awful when it’s completely imaginary, though emails for weeks and weeks doesn’t feel imaginary. It feels romantic. I was confident he would show up,tried to get connected with as many other dtaes as possible, but I was hopeful. Even though he’s the furthest away, does that make him safe? I suppose. But he is the first guy I truly enjoyed, at least in writing. I feel like if I look away he will come, but I feel Iif I stop, he will come. It’s up to him. Who am I kidding? yuck.

  60.  #60Linda G on April 3, 2009 at 5:18 am

    I have other dates lined up but I’m just not excited about them. The hardest part of this scenario is treating them all equally. I feel it’s been so long since anyone even appealed to me. yuck again.

  61.  #61Dorothea on April 3, 2009 at 8:33 am

    I was kind of really looking forward to something tonight with a Boy and he never called me to actually make it happen. Since I didn’t have plans tonight after all, I agreed to meet myself for a study date when I asked me this morning. It was so sweet, I even came by my place to ask myself out properly, in person like the old fashioned way. So now I’m totally way too distracted thinking about tonight’s new date to feel bad about that Boy not calling me.

    At first I wasn’t sure if I should agree to the study date tonight because it’s a little short notice to ask me this morning if I would be interested in joining myself on a date the very same night, which i HATE, but I practically begged myself and it felt good to feel all that energy coming towards me from myself, plus I’m really good company so I knew that even though it was short notice I would show myself a good time, plus I am really smart so it could be helpful to study with myself before the next big exam we have – maybe I can help myself figure out the material that has been challenging me. Also, I read the post about expectations and I didn’t want to come at myself like I was expecting me to “disappoint me.”

    I’m a little nervous about this date though because I am really hot and smart, so I feel all nervous when I talk to myself or take myself out on dates. It’s so funny how I can be a cool girl until I’m around someone I’m really into. This is no ordinary frog date, and I am no ordinary frog! I don’t want to send myself running for the hills because I am so weak in the knees whenever I come around myself! I also feel a little nervous about ending the date tonight, because even thought I think it would feel fun and hot, I want to try to abstain from jumping my bones too early, so I hope I don’t notice how awkward and nervous I feel about all that when I’m walking myself to my door at the end of the night.

  62.  #62Linda G on April 3, 2009 at 8:37 am

    Absolutely adorable! Thanks for the smile and the great attitude!
    Just remember to breathe and do your tools tonight.

  63.  #63Dorothea on April 3, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    He texted me. He’s never called, how does he know I have text messaging? So what do I do? Tell him I have plans? Ignore the text? I told him to CALL. I always feel pretty irritated when I say calling is good and they do something else like text or email. Am i too sensitive about this?

  64.  #64Daria on April 3, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Hi Dorothea…

    it’s up to you. If it was me if I feel too much effort to return text I don’t. Otherwise if I don’t want texts from him I write back I don’t like texting.

    Or maybe I don’t like texting, it would feel nice to talk to you.

    Not too sensitive about anything even if it doesn’t make sense… how do you feel?

    I felt judged by a guy today and he was not making judging comments. I text I feel judged what do you think. he said oh I don’t know why you feel that way I think you’re pretty and like you… I felt better…

  65.  #65Dorothea on April 3, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    i decided not to. he emailed me to get together (got my email address through the class listing at school) and i said call me on thursday if you want to kick it on friday. then he TEXTS me a day later.

    too much effort to text back, for real. thanks for responding to my little query

  66.  #66Linda G on April 4, 2009 at 4:15 am

    What do we do when a guy does not show up for a meeting? First scenario, we were not that interested anyway, can he tell? Second, we are very interested and he has disappointed/canceled before. Do we contact and ask what happened, as in I felt so disappointed when you were not at Starbucks today. Or do we do the Diva thing and just forget it as if it doesn’t matter? This happened twice this week to me. When a cool guy, we think he’s cool, cancels once, and then does not firm up plans he initiated, do we contact him and ask if we are meeting or just let it go, because we have so many other options it doesn’t matter? Truth is, I am feeling angry about this, I feel disappointed/let down, my feelings are hurt. As in, the guy who was supposed to drive miles and miles to see me, to his insistence, has not contacted me with time to meet today.
    PS any tools to suggest to get through this nonsense?

  67.  #67Dorothea on April 4, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    hey linda g girrrrl, i just posted on this topic in the twilight thread, maybe you should paste your comment again over in there and we can figure out something that feels good this afternoon for both of us.

  68.  #68Daria on April 5, 2009 at 11:25 am

    Hi Linda G…

    If that was me I would feel dissaponted and let down. I would NOT contact him (his worth would be going down in my book because I did not feel good about being stood up). I might not even respond to his first contacts because of feeling annoyed and not wanting to talk to him. Then when/if I did respond to his contacts I would write/say:

    I’m feeling really dissapointed that our meeting didn’t happen. I feel really foolish getting ready for it and really angry/furious. I do not want to feel this way.

    And see what he says and continue expressing my anger “I’m still feeling angry” or “I feel better” depending on how I’m feeling after his responses.

  69.  #69Linda G on April 5, 2009 at 11:38 am

    The guys whio just stood me up by not showing to our first meeting never contacted me again. Fine with me.
    The guy who was supposed to drive to see me from DC emialed and apologized profusely that he could not come and see me. He had complications from a recent serious injury. assured me he was not playing games or seeing someone else, and understood if I as furious and never wanted to hear from him again.
    I responded with feeling messages and how I felt about stuff. I posted my response to him on the Twilight spread, if you really are curious.
    Anyway, a guy who stands me up is just an inconsiderate idiot in my book and not worth a second thought. I am beginning to finally not take it personally, though it does make me feel bad, like how can I present soworthless? It only takes the acute attention from a good guy to make the bad guy go away, and the bad feelings. Hooray for circular dating.

  70.  #70Linda G on April 5, 2009 at 11:55 am

    Daria, thanks for your input. I will try to remember to respond as you suggest next time, should it happen again. In other words, you are right.