Backing Away Is Meaningless – It’s Your VIBE That Counts

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Here’s a letter I wrote to my client June. She was looking for the exact “words” to text to welcome a man who’s being very confusing, very hot and cold, very non-commital, and very short on time for her – home from a business trip:

The hardest part of loving a man – or anyone- unconditionally, is accepting the fact that he’s making his own decisions. He’s either feeling it or he isn’t.

The power you have (and it’s considerable) – is in influencing the way he thinks and feels about you through the safety and thrills your presence in his life provides him.

A woman’s best (and often only) chance in ramping up attraction with a man (and that’s what this is all about) is feeling more secure and comfortable inside herself, less like she has to “do” anything to “get” him, without damping down her enthusiasm for life and for him.

So – if you’re “acting” enthusiastic, but really feeling needy and desperate inside – that won’t work.

Texts, by themselves – may be wonderful, and written in the best Feeling language – but, essentially it’s not ABOUT that.

It’s about “Where you’re COMING from.”

THAT’S what a man picks up on.

Yes!!!! See – sometimes it has nothing to do with us. (Most of the time.)

And if we make it about US – we do damage.

He can smell fear, he can smell it when a woman puts him at the center of her life – he can feel the pressure.

Backing away in itself is meaningless.

It’s whether or not it helps YOUR energy and “vibe” to do so.

When you’re overcome by need, or feeling compelled to DO anything – it’s always best to back off, settle into yourself, feel what your feeling, own it, and wait to “do” anything until you can communicate authentically and show up as free of tension and agenda as you can.

Often – actually saying straight out that you feel shaky and weird and insecure is the BEST thing you can do in a tense moment.

If saying those things out loud sends a man away then “so be it….” It’s better to find out early if a man can “DO” relationship and partnership.

And just SAYING how you feel is always a tremendous act of confidence.

You’re very new to all of this. See if you can let all these concepts, ideas and tools flow around inside yourself so you can begin to trust your instincts and intuition, and not ACT from defensiveness and discomfort and fear.

I hope this makes some sense – I know it sounds a bit poetical…

And the answer is to LOVE your terror. Love the fear. Love the ugly.

Can you see what a difference this would make?

LOVE your mistakes…stop telling yourself yu suck at anything, and when you DO tell yourself that – love the part that’s telling it to you!

It’s all about integrating your system harmoniously. Building it all around self-love no matter what. Then everything shows up better. Love your insecurity. Love it all. That way, no one can shake you up when it happens….

I have utter, total faith in you….just keep watching me do the Tools on the programs, listen to them, do them 24/7 – just let them do the work for you in getting out of your brain.

These things work on a subconscious level, on an emotional level.

What you can do with your intellect around “shifting your vibe” is pretty minimal.

But if you just practice this constant slowing down, being aware, tracking, shifting your thoughts…it’ll just all fall into place for you.

Love, Rori

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1 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 6:48 am

    My vibe my vibe



  2.  #2Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 6:52 am

    The hardest part of loving a man – or anyone- unconditionally, is accepting the fact that he’s making his own decisions. He’s either feeling it or he isn’t.



  3.  #3Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 6:55 am

    “without damping down her enthusiasm for life and for him”

    This is where I have my challenge. I have to pay such close attention to not slamming the door on my boundary and shutting down emotionally. Many times it feels safer to so because my comfort zone is playing the tough girl persona. I am choosing the pause now more and more and the walk away.



  4.  #4turquoise on October 4, 2012 at 7:05 am

    #3 fw, I’m challenged with that also. It’s my pattern to walk away (permenantly) and close down emotionally, and shut off my feelings… which makes it all ok. It makes it my choice, my decision. (in my mind) It also makes me lonely and grumbly feeling. I’m pausing too. Thinking things through, feeling my feelings, but not acting on them immediately. It does feel better. I haven’t had any oh shoot I blew that, feelings in a long time.



  5.  #5turquoise on October 4, 2012 at 7:17 am

    “Backing away in itself, is meaningless.”

    My vibe, you know what… I’m not beating myself up about yesterday with Mr. C. My vibe was open and vulnerable and honest and emotional, and I stayed calm for most of it. I didn’t raise my voice or walk out and slam the door. I felt my feelings, did my best to express them and be authentic to myself, what felt good and what didn’t.

    It’s not easy to talk about that kind of stuff. I only want space and distance because I hope it will make me like him less. To leave room for someone else to appear and for me to like them. But the truth is, it’s not easy for feelings to go away.



  6.  #6Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 7:21 am

    wow. I feel like this post was written for me. I feel hopeful and calm again. I feel curious, but not in a desperate “I-don’t-understand” kind of way. I feel curious about myself and what I’m capable of.

    I feel as though I’m going to be okay no matter what happens.

    oh, and Jack CD?

    Every single one. I think I just need to calm down and relax. Take care of myself. That always feels great!



  7.  #7Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 7:21 am


  8.  #8Tereana on October 4, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Yay, I’m in the beginning of the thread! lol

    I “should” – wait, switch that – *could* be getting ready for work right now. But I need a minute to write. It helps center me. Better to start my day centered!

    Many thoughts have been floating through my head….all my CDs have been silent the last two days. But probably they are working as well. (Ok, vman replied to a funny text yesterday, but that was it).

    I had this thought before I went to sleep last night, as I was journaling to myself, and I wrote it down: “Where is the rest of me?”

    The question came up, because I feel, inside me, as if there is some big piece of me missing. And I know I have felt this way for a loooooong, long time. In fact, I’m not entirely sure if I know of a time when I *didn’t* feel this way.

    I’m sure it began in puberty, when you begin to feel “self-conscious.” Because the only time I can remember not feeling incomplete, or “missing” somehow is when I was younger than 10 years old.

    So I don’t know what that means. I know that looking for love is not the same as looking for the lost parts of yourself. The problem is that anyone who falls in love with me now (as with my fiance in the past, and others), is falling in love with an incomplete picture. They may like what they see. They might even love it. But it’s not the whole deal. And the reason that *I* can’t go through with it, is that I know that not all of me is there, present in the moment.

    So I look around in the present moment. And I see me there. I feel me there. But I’m wondering – Where’s the rest of me?…



  9.  #9Tam on October 4, 2012 at 7:30 am

    Hm, when I read this I feel that I made a mistake by sending the email to him yesterday….but I love my mistakes also, and that is what I felt like doing in the moment and I did not let him have it, I told him how I felt.
    It probably had a needy and blamey vibe, but what’s done is done and in a way, nothing matters anymore.
    It was an experiment because I don’t want what he has to offer right now, so if I didn’t send the perfect email then who cares?
    I don’t anymore.
    Ok, better now that I have come clear on this!
    Happy that I shared my feelings without lashing out.
    I made it all about me.



  10.  #10Tereana on October 4, 2012 at 7:35 am

    “The answer is to LOVE your terror. Love the fear. Love the ugly.”

    That’s it. I think Rori gave me my answer…

    :`



  11.  #11Tam on October 4, 2012 at 7:38 am

    flooded with text messages from CD’s…and I don’t feel like writing back to everybody and speaking to them right now. I just feel like working or sleeping.
    One texted at 1am last night. What’s that all about?
    I hate all this manic texting, BigCD has already sent tons and then he sends follow ups too..WTF



  12.  #12Tam on October 4, 2012 at 7:43 am

    Much like ‘I guess my texts to you didn’t get through, so I will ask you again now’….I feel like saying ‘all your 10 texts in an hour got through, but I don’t feel like answering them all’.
    I get such a needy vibe from that guy, it shows me how they must feel when a woman does this.
    It feels yuck.
    The clock has not struck 11am and I already had 10 texts, many with questions that can’t be answered in a text message. I feel irritated 🙁



  13.  #13Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 8:12 am

    , it’s Jonathon. I hope you are feeling great and
    enjoying these tips!

    *********************************************************
    Understand Men Tip #51

    Men find a woman who takes care of herself sexy.

    He likes the look of your nice manicure on his skin.
    He likes your hair to look a little messy and sexy.
    He likes a little makeup but not overdone.
    He likes that you take care of your body and exercise.
    He likes that you’ll put on heels and a dress for him.
    He likes that you recognize your femininity!

    Johnathan Aslay



  14.  #14Sangelina on October 4, 2012 at 8:16 am

    The hardest part of loving a man – or anyone- unconditionally, is accepting the fact that he’s making his own decisions. He’s either feeling it or he isn’t.

    I love this! Hard to accept but I have to.



  15.  #15Tam on October 4, 2012 at 8:20 am

    now he has tried to call me, I am sorry this is crazy. I am turning my mobile off. I believe he thinks he is in an imaginary relationship with me.



  16.  #16Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Here Are Some Warning Signs That He’s Not In It For The Long Haul, And Will Never Marry You:

    1. Your dates fall into a rigid pattern of dinner and going to bed.

    There’s little deviation from this routine or little if any interaction with other people.

    You start to feel you’re expected to go to bed with him every time you’re together, as though buying you dinner gives him the right to go home with you.

    2. You want to see him, so you let it be on his terms.

    When he calls for a date, it’s always at the last minute.

    He expects you to be available to see him whenever he wants.

    He has plenty of excuses why he can’t plan ahead and you only get together when it’s convenient for him.

    He won’t commit ahead to parties, family get-togethers or holiday events and usually ends up being a no-show at the last minute.

    3. He tells you he’s not ready for a serious relationship but you’re really special and he really likes you.

    It seems really into you and he wants to spend time with you.

    In fact, he can’t keep his hands off you (flattering).

    He acts like a serious suitor, paying you lots of attention.

    But there’s a big difference: He told you he’s not ready for a relationship.

    No matter how he treats you, men who are open to finding true love will not tell you that

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/3-signs-hes-not-going-to-marry-you/



  17.  #17Annie on October 4, 2012 at 8:30 am

    Tam.

    Re mocking.

    This appears to be trigger for you.

    So this is from your past.
    For you to work with.
    He is a do over.

    Who else in your past used to do that to you?
    Who does he remind you of?

    If he found your hair not to his taste, it’s getting to the place of so what
    I wanted my hair like that.
    Or I wanted to try that style but it’s not me now.

    It’s like Rori says it’s the vibe not letting anyone else define who you are.

    By doing the tools and healing you will get to that place.



  18.  #18Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 8:33 am

    Men want to feel ATTRACTION.

    And I don’t mean that they want to talk about it or analyze it so that it makes “sense”.

    They don’t want to listen to what a woman tells them is going on and then come to accept and understand how and why they should be in love.

    No. That’s not how men work.

    Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.

    Get where I’m going here?

    If you don’t make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside him to win you over and be with you for the long term, then there’s no amount of talking, sharing, or SEX that can change his mind.

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/why-men-sleep-with-women-then-pull-away/3/



  19.  #19Annie on October 4, 2012 at 8:35 am

    Jade.
    No matter what he says you’re great!

    This is one of my favorite stories, and you may have heard me tell it before – but I wanted to hear it again myself! So…

    American’s Next Top Model is one of my favorite shows. It’s been a bonding thing for my daughter and I to watch for years, and we look forward to it every season.

    And – I’ve learned so much from it.

    What? you might ask – can I learn from watching models pose?

    A lot, I say.

    Here’s what I learned from Tyra Banks – modeling is not all about “posing.” It’s all about “being.” Specifically – being “fierce” – and yet “soft.”

    The technical aspects of modeling require that you “pose” physically – that you find a way to use your body that hits the mark where the photographer wants you to stand, that shows off the clothes and shoes the way the designer wants them seen, that makes you stand out – but the clothes stand out more…AND – it’s more than a “pretty picture.”

    What the competing models learn is that what shows up on the film is what’s INSIDE them. If they are in their “heads” – nothing much of interest shows in the photo. You can SEE them “thinking” – there’s nothing emotional or powerful or commanding – nothing that DRAWS YOU IN there.

    So – she teaches them how to be vulnerable. To stand there, technically in what’s often a very, very difficult position and that requires them to be creative about how they stand, sit or lie, and where and how they place every leg, arm, toe, finger, even to the way they tilt their head – and to know where their “light” is and how to best use it. – AND – at the same time – to be open, vulnerable, raw, emotional inside, real.

    To be who they are, and let that show on the outside.

    As the season goes on – what we see is that the ones who grow in confidence show that confidence by being even MORE vulnerable. Just as I talk about here – they become stronger on the inside, and so softer on the outside.

    Now we’re to the story of Jade.

    This woman was tough. Really, really tough. Chip on her shoulder. And, as the show went on – she surprised everyone by learning how to be soft.

    She simply opened up, watched how the other women were doing it, and used her skillfulness at posing, at the technical aspects (and her skills were and still are considerable – I’ve seen her in a few magazine spreads since…) and then just …let go.

    Her fierceness was there, but her eyes were soft. Her chin and jawline were soft. Her arms and hands were soft. She was this completely interesting tough girl with a totally soft exterior. I loved it.

    And one day, they had a challenge (you know how those reality shows work…). They fooled the models. They sent them to a fake “call” for a modeling agency…where they were to show the three “important people” behind the desk their photo portfolios and talk with them. Only – the trick was – the three people were to totally RUN DOWN the models…Tell them awful things about themselves and their photos.

    One after another, the women came in feeling happy and confident, and as they sat there and heard that their chins were too sharp, their eyes too small…anything the fake important people could think up…you could see their faces fall. The women looked horrible when they left.

    To cement how this was – they took pictures of them as they came into the office, and then pictures as they left. It was like before and after a horror show.

    Except for Jade.

    They threw everything at her. They said her face was “hard.” They said her hair was awful. They said her mouth was too full…they laid it on…and this is what Jade said to each nasty remark:

    “Oh…yeah – isn’t that cool. ” She AGREED with them, and then turned it around – like, “Yeah…I have such a strong face, that’s sort of my signature…” (And she was smiling – genuinely – the whole time.)

    Everything they threw at her, she turned into a positive. Right there, without even thinking, she took each comment and turned it around.

    And she didn’t really seem to know what she was doing. It wasn’t like she had some “elevated” or “false view of herself.” It wasn’t obnoxious – it was endearing and powerful.

    What was so powerful – and you just FELT it – was her absolute refusal to let anyone else define her. She was totally okay with herself.

    She didn’t need to defend or explain. She simply rejected any negative INTERPRETATIONS of her. She made her OWN interpretations – and shared them.

    SHE chose what was the BEST interpretation – to her. The truth was that some of her features were different from many other models. They made it a “bad” thing. The interpretation she chose was that it was a GOOD thing. She made up GOOD stuff, instead of buying their BAD stuff.

    And I want you to do this.

    Whatever your mind, or someone else, or your fear is screaming at you about you…Just say..”Oh…yeah…so glad you noticed…” Try: “Yeah! I do have that gray streak in my hair…isn’t that cool…! …and I love all those new hair colors they have – I can’t wait to try them all…what fun!”

    As silly as you’ll feel – I tell you – it looked GREAT on Jade. And she was someone you didn’t want to like…but you just respected the heck out of her, and wanted to be just like her in that moment.

    My daughter and I were whooping during that minute Jade was dealing with the negative people – and we never forgot it.

    Now, all we have to say is….”like Jade…” when anything negative happens…and we laugh and turn it around.

    Let me know how the Jade trick works for you…

    Love, Rori



  20.  #20Jonathon Aslay on October 4, 2012 at 8:36 am

    Comment #13

    Thanks Feminine Woman for the post.

    I’m working on new tips for my blog, please write me at JA@understandmennow.com if you would like to contribute.

    This is my way of saying thanks.

    jonathon



  21.  #21Goddess Lily on October 4, 2012 at 8:37 am

    I feel weird. I’m getting to a place of so what with profCD but not in a good way. I realized yesterday that Ihadn’t heard from him in three days but I didn’t care. I don’t think I’m healing though. I think Ijust don’t want him as much.



  22.  #22Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 8:43 am

    Johnathan I felt like jumping out of my skin when I saw your comment to me.

    You are welcome, I will write. Thanks for the invite.



  23.  #23Goddess Lily on October 4, 2012 at 8:43 am

    I reject any negative interpretations of myself! Thanks Annie.



  24.  #24Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 8:43 am

    I absolutely love the Jade trick. Thanks for reposting Annie



  25.  #25bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 8:59 am

    feeling like crying a bit haha & feeling smile-y too… hm… easy slow girl easy slow easy happy breathing & opening up & enjoying all that… this… hehe aww ok



  26.  #26Annie on October 4, 2012 at 9:05 am

    How very true re vibe.

    When I am in that place of expressing this what I want without being invested in if that person gives it me that feels amazing.

    Yep and it can’t be faked.
    Feels so weird.
    The other person even knows in a email.
    They just know.
    Weird weird weird!



  27.  #27Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 9:11 am

    Mindset/Attitude – I want you but I don’t need you.



  28.  #28Ulii on October 4, 2012 at 9:14 am

    @ Annie

    Thanks!

    I really liked the Jade story too. Needed to hear that today. 🙂



  29.  #29MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 9:23 am

    ((((all sirens))))



  30.  #30Annie on October 4, 2012 at 9:25 am

    I am finding it difficult today from not going into the pit and sadness pulling me down.

    I am in and out of it.
    One minute feeling tingly and have some drive to do stuff that makes me feel good.
    And the next feeling sad.

    I have some stuff today re girlfriend.
    I know the difference when someone genuinely wants your company and wants some fun time together.
    I love this with a couple of my girlfriends.

    I feel so sad about another one.
    She only contacts me when she wants something from me.
    Not genuine fun times.
    What is this about.
    I do not know.
    I feel unable to process this trigger.
    I feel bugged by it.

    I feel sad about it I feel used.
    I have been allowing myself to be used.
    I said no today, but did not speak my truth.
    I made an excuse that was semi true.
    I don’t feel good about that.
    I didn’t feel up to rocking the boat with this one.
    bummer, I guess I will be getting that one back fro another time then.
    I don’t feel good in this persons energy or company.
    Wish i new the message.
    I usually get the message quicker than this.
    feel frustrated.



  31.  #31MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 9:26 am

    Can I let go of wanting or needing it?

    Yep.

    Is this why it is all just falling in my lap? Interesting.

    I really don’t “need” any of the good stuff going down right now. I feel very happy to receive. I feel very grateful and like “wow”. But I imagine if I received nothing I would humph and hrmmmm a bit and then go about giving to myself.



  32.  #32bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 9:26 am

    i choose my reality ? is that true ? lol i think it is…. yummy



  33.  #33bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 9:27 am

    (((ulii))) thanks for the sweetness : ) feels good to read



  34.  #34MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Talking about home businesses with G feels promising. A bit scary. A bit hmmmm. It feels…A little odd.Don’t really have the words for it. Solid solid.

    Questions. What? and how? But not why? I know why. We feel weary of slaving away…We feel confident and capable. Intelligent and aware. So maybe the real question is why not?

    I think I want to write. Write and write and help people. So many thoughts.



  35.  #35bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 9:40 am

    imagine it & then forget about it



  36.  #36bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 9:40 am

    get happy with imagining & get happy with what is



  37.  #37bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 9:42 am

    wish i could remember my silly dreams. remember part but it’s not enough for me to make sense of it, though i remember the last feeling & the “whole thing” at the end, so i feel fine thinking that & actually super duper intense happy lol because i solved a little imaginary number problem lol



  38.  #38Annie on October 4, 2012 at 9:43 am

    I no it isn’t personal.
    It is just what that person does.

    What they do is none of my business.
    My business is do I want to accept that in my life.

    Yayyy I feel better becoming aware that it isn’t personal.
    I just don’t want or need that in my life as it doesn’t feel good to me and I want to feel good.

    So feels best to turn my energy towards something that feels good.



  39.  #39Tam on October 4, 2012 at 9:43 am

    Annie,
    good point.
    My mother and my grandad always found something to criticise me.
    ‘you are stupid’
    ‘you are too fat’
    ‘you are too thin’
    ‘you don’t walk right’
    ‘I don’t like your long hair’ (!!)
    My grandad had all my hair cut off when I was 6 years old. I looked like a boy. He wanted a grandson.

    Last year when we were boating, I honestly thought I had my grandad on board. MrP told me to tie something and I tried but failed (he then tried and broke something hah but beside the point). And he said ‘ahhh, God, you’re not an outdoor kinda girl, are you?’. And I am a totally outdoor kinda girl, I am just small and not very strong.
    So I just felt tears come up in my eyes and I snapped at him and said ‘I am not here to be criticised, I am here to have fun’. And he was really nice afterwards, actually.
    He met me when my hair was chin long and I had the intention of growing it. He went on and on about how much he loved long hair on women and how every man does and women shouldn’t fool themselves and think it’s attractive when they have short hair.
    I said to him that I would rather my bf loved me for who I was, so that I could be sure when I got old and wanted to wear my hair short, or when I got ill and lost all my hair, that he would still love me.
    He started to lay off the hair thing.
    However, occasionally he will say ‘why don’t you wear your hair down and look like a woman’. Peeves me off a lot. It’s the objectification of women also, he triggers everybody, his friend’s wives also, because he animates the men to check out other women constantly. One wife came up to me and asked me how I could put up with it as she finds it totally disresrespectful. I felt the need to explain to her that we were just friends and that I accept the way he is which does not mean I like it very much.
    oh well.
    If I had had a proper longer term relationship with this man, there would have been a lot of fighting and conflict because it’s all his way or the highway, his opinion or no opinion.



  40.  #40Annie on October 4, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Ty for the want and need reminder FW.



  41.  #41Annie on October 4, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Tam yayyy. A lot of stuff to work with there honey.



  42.  #42Annie on October 4, 2012 at 9:54 am

    your dysfunctional subconscious family love imprint re Mother and Grandad.
    And you subconsciously being attracted to Mr P who does the same.

    Hugs.



  43.  #43Calypso on October 4, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Hi Sirens!

    sorry I have not been on here in a while – I have been stuck home sick, but back to work now and of course very behind, so only a minute to let you know what is going on with me and to try to read about all of you real quick!

    I leave for the beach with JC tomorrow at lunch. This will be our first get-away as a couple and I am looking forward to seeing what it feels like to be alone with him out of town like that. We both really want to relax, have some fun aand enjoy being away with each other. We have been dating for 6 weeks now and it feels nice and easy. No drama. I’m starting to trust that it can be good. We have not discussed the future – i don’t want to – I have no idea what I want – I certainly don’t want to feel the burden of what he might want right now – who knows what could happen if we both just relax and let it unfold without any expectations. I don’t want/need any promisesof forever, because I’m not ready to make those same promises.

    At some piont tonight or tomorrrow, i will post on FB about going tot he beach – I know GM wills ee it, which is one reason I have not posted about it yet. I don’t want a reaction from him. I’m starting to feel like I am safely on my horse riding in a new direction – I don’t want him using his damn lasso on me . . .

    huggs to Sirens – wish me romantic, fun and relaxing times at the beach 🙂



  44.  #44Ulii on October 4, 2012 at 9:59 am

    @ 30

    ((((Annie))))

    I can so relate.

    I used to seek for approval & love and the good feeling being “needed” gave me by making favours to these kind of friends, acquaintances, some family members and later also in work context. I was looking for their validation & love that way, but at the same time feeling angry at them & at myself… And also feeling really exhausted and without time to do the things I really liked and being with the people I really liked to be with. But speaking up my truth was so difficult. It was easier to escape to another town or even to another country. Only to find myself surrounded by similar situations again.

    Just recently I have started to speak up for me more, say no…Just because…and trying not to feel too guilty about it.



  45.  #45bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I HAVE A GAMER PROFILE hahaha i feel so pleased & happy & cheerful & round – round i feel happy & round – how are those connected ? i like it ROTUND HAPPINESS reminds me of the circle rolling missing a piece…. what happens in that story ? reminds me of those antidepressant commercials that played when i was younger…. dusty church smell & the lonely feeling & trying to be quiet on carpet, just to not get “caught” in a one-on-one interaction….. hehe feels funny to imagine tiny girl playing “count steps” or “walk grid-lines” with such fear. hehehe she’s so cute ! & silly & scared hugs little girl aww i laugh with you, let’s laugh about it baby : )) ummmm & then the story at camp… oh & also the platonic dinner conversations ? ? ? what was that ? lemme google that ish real quick…. amazing. all i have to do is type “platonic dinner conversations romantic love ideals” & i can get that it’s the Symposium…. weird. why would i ever have to remember anything if i can search archives & emails like this… lol, ok, brain – empty thyself. no one needs you anymore. hahaha ok ok…. calm girl. drink water. relax your face. jump up & down. hahaha ok ok ok ok



  46.  #46Tam on October 4, 2012 at 10:01 am

    Annie, but the strange thing is that I never before attracted that kind of man. I had such lovely and respectful bf’s that came from intact families. As I get older, I realise that many of those guys are now in happy marriages, and the guys that I meet are often either very needy (like the guy who cried on our second date and is sending me a text every half hour), or very independent and non-committal (MrP and others). I know people say it is a cliche that all the good men are taken, but many are. And they are in marriages that are working, usually, at least my ex’s are, so it does get more difficult.
    Also we each carry more and more baggage as we get older…it is difficult to overcome it all sometimes.
    I try not to feel hopeless…



  47.  #47Tam on October 4, 2012 at 10:03 am

    My friend who is also a psychologist, said that it’s not necessarily about attracting such a man but because I have had to deal with narcissism and bipolar and harsh people in my family, that I can ‘take’ them, i e I bother with them when other people would have given up.
    She said that I am too understanding because I grew up with people who had the same pattern which means I can tolerate a lot more than maybe others.
    She also said, however, that because of this I have to be careful not to lose myself trying to understand someone else, and I am totally with her on that.



  48.  #48Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Limiting beliefs

    people say it is a cliche that all the good men are taken, but many are

    Also we each carry more and more baggage as we get older…it is difficult to overcome it all



  49.  #49bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 10:04 am

    it’s so weird…… but cd i am learning from him… how ? idk……………… & he is learning from me ? & it feels so JUMBLY & confusing hahaha… & bubbly & no-hard-edges….. underwater, i can spin a hundred flips, backwards or forwards. do the twist twist down all the way to the bottom, corkscrew down in gravity-kicking bubbles hehe yummy



  50.  #50LiliBee on October 4, 2012 at 10:06 am

    I’m feeling sad 🙁

    The weekend is around the corner, and I have no plans.

    I felt a small urge to lean forward by calling D.
    He said warmly “We’ll see each other real soon.”
    I feel an urge to call and ask when.
    Then I start feeling the pressure and tension of that wanting to know, to controll the outcome.
    Reaching and grabbing on.
    I don’t want to feel that way anymore.

    It feels much better when things happen without my forcing them.
    I don’t have to put out so much energy to only feel exhausted afterwards.

    Hmmm…What would make me feel good?
    Hiking, cooking, wishboard, hanging out with my bf.
    I am great company right now 🙂

    Relaxing, just letting things happen and ‘doing’ for ME.



  51.  #51Tam on October 4, 2012 at 10:08 am

    48 re-phrase: it takes conscious effort to overcome the past hurts and trust people, who themselves are overcoming past hurts and find it hard to trust.
    It’s not so much a limiting belief as a fact that I have learnt from CDing. Every man I have met first tells me about what has caused them to date again, failed marriage, failed relationship and then they go into what has hurt them etc.
    It feels a little exasperating at times.

    This was definitely not a topic in our 20’s.



  52.  #52LiliBee on October 4, 2012 at 10:10 am

    Rori mentions something in 1 of her programs about our left side being our feminine side and the right being our masculine side.

    I’ve noticed when I stand, I lean on my right side by habit.
    I am trying to tap into my feminine energy by shifting my body to lean on the left side.
    It feels odd.
    I feel off balance when I do it.
    It’s the opposite of what I’m used to.

    I will try that for a while and see what happens.



  53.  #53Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 10:12 am

    This absolutely cracked me up! It actually makes me feel more warm towards men:

    http://www.ivillage.com/translating-man-speak-what-he-really-trying-tell-you/4-a-283613



  54.  #54Lisa on October 4, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Rori,
    I am stuck! Literaly stuck! I have been married for 18 years. I made a really bad decision to have an affair with someone I knew from my highschool days. I found that I still had strong feelings for him and may even be IN Love with him, but I am still married. My husband and I have been having difficulties for the past few years and things have been falling apart. I guess that is why I decided to do this horrible thing I swore I would never do.
    I love my husband but not IN love, and I truely feel strongly about this even before I hooked up with this other guy. Now that things have escalated into a mess the other guy has now backed away, making me feel very used and violated. We are “friends”, I hate that word, cuz it dosen’t mean what I want it to mean. I feel that he is dating other women, which I also hate, but I cannot expect anything else since I have not made the decision to leave my husband.
    I am so confused as to what is really going on anymore.
    Lisa



  55.  #55MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 10:30 am

    Iama

    That article is missing the only 2 parts I really wanted to read :p

    But it was amusing.

    Although I don’t believe if a man says “I need space” he is really saying “I am this close to dumping you…”

    I think he really just needs space.

    To man cave.



  56.  #56Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 10:31 am

    LiliBee I wonder if it means your leading/dominant side? I wonder if it means the same for left handed women? That the left side is the masculune side?



  57.  #57MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Now…If you don’t give him that space…Thats another story 😉



  58.  #58Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 10:32 am

    @54 Miss Stix – what 2 parts was it missing? @55 – agreed. 🙂



  59.  #59LiliBee on October 4, 2012 at 10:33 am

    I feel open, warm and inviting.
    That’s enough, I am enough.
    I don’t need to do anything, I don’t need to prove anything.

    Leaning on my left side until I feel comfortable with it.



  60.  #60Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 10:34 am

    Leaning on the left side sounds like a way to consciously choose the feminine.



  61.  #61LiliBee on October 4, 2012 at 10:37 am

    Leaning back, leaving space for the man to take the lead and leave him feeling like a man.

    That thought feels good 🙂

    I feel centered again.

    Keeping leaning on my left side eventhough it’s not comfortable yet, as I am sitting on my chair here.



  62.  #62Goddess Lily on October 4, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Apparently practicing the tools in profCD’s presence makes me look psychotic. He asked me more than once if I was ok.



  63.  #63Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 10:45 am

    I doubt that Goddess Lily. I would look back to check how I felt. I would hazard a guess that you might have been feeling a wee bit uncomfortable or second guessing whether the tools were working.



  64.  #64Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 10:48 am

    According to you
    I’m difficult
    Hard to please
    Forever changing my mind
    I’m a mess in a dress
    Can’t show up on time
    Even if it would save my life
    According to you

    But according to him
    I’m beautiful, incredible
    He can’t get me out of his head
    According to him
    I’m funny,irresistible
    Everything he ever wanted
    Everything is opposite
    I don’t feel like stopping it
    So baby tell me what I got to lose
    He’s into me for everything I’m not
    According to you



  65.  #65Calypso on October 4, 2012 at 10:49 am

    Odd note about JC that I just noticed – he refers to his house as “home” when talking to me – I get there and he says, “Welcome home” and just now he texted asking me to dinner and when I asked where he wanted to meet, he just said to meet him at “home” – awwww . . . JC wants to play house – isn’t that sweet? He must feel really comfortable with me leaning so far back – lol. he is definately in the “Convincer” role. I like this – I can relax. I feel safe.



  66.  #66Rori Raye on October 4, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Lisa – I would like to encourage you to get personal help with a therapist or coach to figure out what it is you really want. There pretty much is no such thing as a good man who will be with a married woman and then “take her away” from her marriage and be her life partner. I’ve heard of it in reverse, a woman taking a married man away from his wife and marrying him – but not the situation you describe. His heart and mind won’t allow him to believe that if you cheated on your husband, you won’t cheat on him – it’s just a bad “vibe.” Men lose interest all the time, even after coming on hot and heavy. This situation is so high risk-low possible return. I suggest that if you love your husband, you can fall in love with him. Love, Rori



  67.  #67LoveAlways on October 4, 2012 at 10:59 am

    “Backing away in itself is meaningless. It’s whether or not it helps YOUR energy and “vibe” to do so. When you’re overcome by need, or feeling compelled to DO anything – it’s always best to back off, settle into yourself, feel what your feeling, own it, and wait to “do” anything until you can communicate authentically and show up as free of tension and agenda as you can. . . It’s all about integrating your system harmoniously. Building it all around self-love no matter what. Then everything shows up better. Love your insecurity. Love it all. That way, no one can shake you up when it happens…”

    These words make me feel light and soothed. Thanks Rori



  68.  #68Tam on October 4, 2012 at 11:00 am

    …oh, I just re-read my email from last night and realise, amongst the feeling messages it was quite blamey…oops…well, what’s done is done.
    Love your mistakes, Tam.
    Coonsidering what I had on my tongue that didn’t come out, I didn’t do too badly…
    I can be blamey once in a blue moon and I forgive myself for being blamey once every now and then. I have been doing rather well, even if I say so myself. 😉



  69.  #69Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:03 am

    I found a man to cd with! My work place is all female staff. No men 🙁 but in my new role I get to interact frequently with the football coach, he’s emailed twice and came into my room to see me. He’s very attractive 🙂 I’m not seeing it in a date way, but how Rori describes to cd even with the butcher! This man just happens to be single, and I’m a little attracted to him. I smiled lots and flirted discretely. He looked at me straight in the eyes! It felt delicious!



  70.  #70MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 11:03 am

    Iama

    The top lies a man will tell, and how you know if he really loves you.They seem to be missing…Or I did not see anthing written?



  71.  #71MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Right on calypso 🙂

    And keep noticing those little words!

    I kind of used to pick and choose what I heard. Now I listen to all of the words. It makes a huge difference!



  72.  #72Tam on October 4, 2012 at 11:05 am

    Smile!! Yay!!! The football coach. Yummy!!
    I like fit men 🙂



  73.  #73Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 11:10 am

    @70 Miss Stix – Give me a second. I’ll look those up. (I already read them!) 🙂



  74.  #74Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 11:12 am


  75.  #75Daria on October 4, 2012 at 11:13 am

    57: Sad says:

    hi! although i have more questions, currently i would love to know the best response to give my husband for this situation. i have been practicing the lean back (works awesome), going with it when he does show interest and actually talks (nice), etc. he is having sex with another woman, and i sort of lost it the two nights ago after yet another roundevou with her. i simply stated the facts that i knew he was seeing her. then last night on phone with him he told me i was a fool and did not have any idea what i was talking about. i told him both he and i know what he is doing and it is not right and not fair. if he needs to be with her then that is what he needs to do. dead silence on phone. end of conversation for the night which was fine with me. he did come home to sleep as always. here is the question: he keeps texting me that “he does care” and i don’t know a good response. at this point i don’t even now if i want to try to get him back or not. thank you!!

    Thursday, 4 October 2012 @ 5:27am

    58: Rori Raye says:

    Sad – If you were my client – I’d fill pages and pages with instructions for you. Get your mojo back. Circular Date. Take classes. Make money. Volunteer. Date men and sleep with them if you want. Live your life. Let this man make the decision to either come crawling back and beg you to take him back – or if he’ll just stay in limbo like this forever. So – stop WAITING for him to wake up or stay asleep! Please – your whole life does NOT depend on any ONE man!!! Love, Rori



  76.  #76Daria on October 4, 2012 at 11:13 am

    1554: Josh Giffard says:

    Do you have any suggestions from a man’s point of view, as in Men are looking for love too, its not just a woman thing, some of us men want to find that wonderful woman we can’t live without, sometimes called a soul-mate ?? Just kind of frustrating that dating these days is so hard for older men and women, well especially men, Since society says that men in their late forties are supposed to be at the top of their game and on the well off side, well what happens when this isn’t so for whatever reason ?? Does that mean that Love and the non well off man are doomed or isn’t going to happen ??

    Thursday, 4 October 2012 @ 12:17am

    1555: Rori Raye says:

    Josh – I’m letting this one comment (I don’t generally allow men on the blog, it usually ends badly no matter what!) through because I want to help you. If you lurk here, you’ll learn how women think and feel when you’re not around. We have an inner world that’s very, very different from yours. And this blog is about illuminating our inner world so that we can bond on a profoundly deep level with YOU. Once you stop trying to figure us out, and just “get” that we’re different, that we’re emotional, and decide to LOVE that and not feel frightened of it – you’ll be rolling in women.

    What you need is a combo of non-judgment, cherishing of a woman no matter WHAT, learning to facilitate her opening up to you emotionally so that YOU can open up to her, creating safety from your end by being a good LEADER – and BEING and ACTING like a good leader (personal authority and leadership skills is what sets one man apart from another. It fulfills the romantic “bad boy” attraction while creating the maturity a man needs to be with a woman and get the respect he needs and deserves in order to make the whole relationship work.

    Try googling David Cunningham – he’s great. He writes, he’s got a book – it’ll help you a lot – and also go to David DeAngelo (Eben Pagan) at http://www.doubleyourdating.com. What you want are his LATER programs like “Man Transformation” and the piece he just did with his wife where he teaches intimacy from a man’s point of view. Love, Rori

    Thursday, 4 October 2012 @ 11:04am

    1556: Rori Raye says:

    Also, Josh – you don’t need to be well-off. You just need to be able to take care of yourself, and be willing to handle an independent woman who can take care of herself. Love, Rori

    Thursday, 4 October 2012 @ 11:05am



  77.  #77Tam on October 4, 2012 at 11:15 am

    ‘Live your life. Let this man make the decision to either come crawling back and beg you to take him back – or if he’ll just stay in limbo like this forever. So – stop WAITING for him to wake up or stay asleep! Please – your whole life does NOT depend on any ONE man!!! Love, Rori’

    wuhoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! I’ll subscribe to that 🙂



  78.  #78Daria on October 4, 2012 at 11:18 am

    Hmm that feels weird to hear. My next door neighbor ‘ran away’ out of the country with a married girl… actually i think she hadn’t been married very long though, maybe only a few months.

    She divorced and married him and they’re together and very in love.

    I don’t know, maybe they already had domething going and she only got married out of family pressure… i feel unsure.



  79.  #79Daria on October 4, 2012 at 11:19 am

    also i don’t know their relationship and what it looks like or if it will last

    but clearly from what i’ve heard he was VERY in love with this woman, and risked even reputation since they are part of the same community…



  80.  #80Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Tam, he’s good to distracted my attention off strumming man/ turtle man!



  81.  #81Daria on October 4, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Also, another (married) family friend got involved with a woman who was married to another family friend in my parent’s circle.

    She got found out by her husband, and moved out. He divorced her. The man moved out of the house with his wife (he never seemed adoring of his wife) and in with the woman. They are in a relationship. He does not want to go back to the wife.



  82.  #82Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:23 am

    I’m living my life!!!



  83.  #83Daria on October 4, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Also…. lol jk 🙂



  84.  #84Tam on October 4, 2012 at 11:23 am

    80 turtle man..haha…I am tortoise woman….I stick my head out a little bit, MrP pokes me on the nose, and I go straight back in not to come out for ages.

    It’s like my tortoise that was scared of cats particularly. He was pretty funny when he saw a cat (must have got scratched?)..he just hissed, retracted (like me), and then did not come out for like 10 minues…and only reeaallly slowly, first the little eyes made sure nothing bad out there…
    You know, it does make sense for tortoises, maybe not so much for humans 😉



  85.  #85Tam on October 4, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Smile, shame you are so far away…I could give you some of my CD’s for distraction. I can’t cope anymore…I need to whittle this down, my phone is driving me nuts.



  86.  #86Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Tam, I’m curious why he didn’t call me back or text instead. Hm maybe he was busy after he tried to call… Not thinking bout it really but it’s a niggling thought. I have a NV keep coming up that he called me by mistake.



  87.  #87MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Iama

    Thank you 🙂

    And lol! I don’t hear those lies because I don’t ask the questions that lead up to them, nor do I care one way or the other :p I know my man thinks about other women. I know he appreciates other women’s beauty. I know i’m not fat and I love me even if I was. Ewwwww I would not want to use his razor haha I’m a fabulous cook 😉

    And the biggest one to me is “we’ll talk about it later”

    Why then, am I always hearing “talk to me, lets talk about this, I would hope you’d share with me” and etc etc?

    Mmmm rori’s tools. Yum! And I picked a gooder I think.

    Maybe i’m over analyzing something that is simply fun and amusing, but it seems to me these lies spring mostly from a man trying to assuage a woman’s fears, and bolster her low self-esteem.



  88.  #88Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:33 am

    He he, I feel a little jealous. I’m feeling longing for attention right now. But it feels good I’m not laser focused on strummingman. My friend always manages to date how she describes as needy. At first I thought why doesn’t it feel good to have a man chase that much? But I can see the red flags in it now.



  89.  #89Tam on October 4, 2012 at 11:34 am

    86, nooooo way. Maybe he felt in the moment and wanted to tell you something and later on got entangled into something else.
    If you have to make up a story, make up a good one.



  90.  #90LoveAlways on October 4, 2012 at 11:36 am

    Going to lean back to achieve a little disconnect. Not feeling so comfortable in this space with HScd right now. Don’t know if it’s me or him, so this feels right for now.



  91.  #91Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 11:38 am

    uggg, I can’t find how you can tell a man is falling in love, but here’s another good one:

    http://www.ivillage.com/bored-your-man-20-ways-fall-love-again/4-b-477638



  92.  #92Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:39 am

    Tam, this is why I love the blog! That’s exactly what I’m going to do! I like how you flipped it for me. Thanks. I felt instant relief, like all my NV’s flying away.



  93.  #93Tam on October 4, 2012 at 11:43 am

    92 🙂

    There was a point yesterday when I was watching the movie with the old ladies that I purposely imagined MrP sitting at his ladies night with his chums (‘meeting’ ha ha) feeling bored and missing me. Totally not the reality, he loves looking at the women there (I get to hear it all the time, yuck), but I chose to believe that and it made me feel smiley 🙂



  94.  #94Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 11:44 am

    I don’t know if this is it or not, but:

    http://www.ivillage.com/10-signs-hes-love-0/4-a-283763



  95.  #95bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 11:49 am

    miss stix, i feel curious if you can share more about this, “:p I know my man thinks about other women. I know he appreciates other women’s beauty.” ….. my little girl would appreciate a lullaby to that “tune” & any inspiration you can provide would feel lovely : )



  96.  #96Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:51 am

    Right now it would feel good to imagine my perfect relationship, what it would look and feel like, as Rori advises. I feel dreamy thinking about this. Can make up some great stuff that would feel good!

    Also gonna do a bit of imagining about mrfootball! Or soccer for American ladies!



  97.  #97Smile on October 4, 2012 at 11:54 am

    Ex of two years never got back in touch. He texed after hols to ask if I had a nice time. That was it. I then bumped into him with his girlfriend, but I didn’t make eye contact, just walked past and smiled, said hi to them as a group as he was with mutual friends too.

    I will prob ‘bump’ into him more when I move.



  98.  #98Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Tam I hear ya.
    I don’t really want to hear the “stories” but at the same time I want to know his story… So I endure it. I don’t know. I have people telling me to stay single. Why do people say that?



  99.  #99Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 12:02 pm

    @87 Miss Stix – I totally agree!



  100.  #100Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Another one of my guy friend’s got engaged this week. He’s been moved away for over a year now, but he’s back in town for a visit, and I happened to run into him. He lit up like a Christmas tree, gave me the biggest hug, and told me how great it was to see me. and I felt so happy for him. All I could think was “Now, THAT is how a man should act when he’s engaged!” He’s thrilled to be alive, and it shows…:)



  101.  #101bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    iamabutterfly, 100 WOW ! that is so different from the experiences you’ve been describing : )) wow, i agree, how lovely to see & feel that energy !!! : ) yum



  102.  #102Annie on October 4, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    66: Rori Raye says:

    “Lisa – I would like to encourage you to get personal help with a therapist or coach to figure out what it is you really want. There pretty much is no such thing as a good man who will be with a married woman and then “take her away” from her marriage and be her life partner. I’ve heard of it in reverse, a woman taking a married man away from his wife and marrying him – but not the situation you describe. His heart and mind won’t allow him to believe that if you cheated on your husband, you won’t cheat on him – it’s just a bad “vibe.” Men lose interest all the time, even after coming on hot and heavy. This situation is so high risk-low possible return. I suggest that if you love your husband, you can fall in love with him. Love, Rori”

    I feel confused by this Rori, I wanted to know if that if a man did have an affair with a married woman which led to her leaving her first Husband to marry him that he is a bad man?

    Have I got your thoughts on this right.



  103.  #103Smile on October 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Strummingman just texed, he apologised for missing my call too. I tried to call him after I realised I’d a miss call from him.

    I’m not going to respond there is nothing to respond to…



  104.  #104Tam on October 4, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    Emerson, not sure. I really have met a lot of bitter people rearding relationships. And then they always blame it on the wife/gf. And when I am out with them, they talk about all their other ‘female friends’ and whatever else that feels triggering. It triggers me usually to be on the side of the ex-wife or ex-gf and wishing I’d never be in their shoes.
    This happened quite a few times lately. I try hard not to get judgmental, but then I feel so turned off by some stuff.
    It is definitely easier to stay single. But I do want a nice relationship again…seems like golddust.



  105.  #105Smile on October 4, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Lamabutterfly, that feels good to read! I want a man who feels alive! Who makes me feel alive!



  106.  #106Daria on October 4, 2012 at 12:18 pm

    Annie – me too…



  107.  #107Starla on October 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I told WarriorCD on Monday that I wasn’t gonna text/chat anymore but that it’d feel great to hear his voice any time. I didn’t hear from him since, until this morning when he texted me to ask if I wanted to go to First Friday Art Walk in my city for the date he proposed last weekend for tomorrow night.

    I didn’t answer. No text means no text.



  108.  #108Annie on October 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    I have always loved the story of Edward and Mrs Simpson, how he loved her so much he gave up being King.

    Was he a bad man? 🙁



  109.  #109Smile on October 4, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Oo this is new territory for me but I feel smily at my non response like I’ve raised my degree of difficulty!

    Like if you want more give more? Hm… How does this sound??



  110.  #110Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 12:23 pm

    @101 bloom-ing – aww, I feel smiley. I’ve been waaaay too negative lately, and I feel guilty about that!

    I noticed that I’m so sensitive to eating (or not), sleeping (or not) (or too much!), and movement. (or not) (or too much!)

    I actually got less sleep last night, and feel a zillion times better! (I think I was over-doing it trying to get “enough.”)

    aww, it feels great to understand my sensitive self better. I’m going to take good care of her so that she’s balanced and happy. 🙂



  111.  #111Daria on October 4, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Rori I have a q:

    “102: Annie says:

    66: Rori Raye says:

    “Lisa – I would like to encourage you to get personal help with a therapist or coach to figure out what it is you really want. There pretty much is no such thing as a good man who will be with a married woman and then “take her away” from her marriage and be her life partner. I’ve heard of it in reverse, a woman taking a married man away from his wife and marrying him – but not the situation you describe. His heart and mind won’t allow him to believe that if you cheated on your husband, you won’t cheat on him – it’s just a bad “vibe.” Men lose interest all the time, even after coming on hot and heavy. This situation is so high risk-low possible return. I suggest that if you love your husband, you can fall in love with him. Love, Rori”

    I feel confused by this Rori, I wanted to know if that if a man did have an affair with a married woman which led to her leaving her first Husband to marry him that he is a bad man?

    Have I got your thoughts on this right.”

    78: Daria says:

    Hmm that feels weird to hear. My next door neighbor ‘ran away’ out of the country with a married girl… actually i think she hadn’t been married very long though, maybe only a few months.

    She divorced and married him and they’re together and very in love.

    I don’t know, maybe they already had domething going and she only got married out of family pressure… i feel unsure.”

    79: Daria says:

    also i don’t know their relationship and what it looks like or if it will last

    but clearly from what i’ve heard he was VERY in love with this woman, and risked even reputation since they are part of the same community…

    Thursday, 4 October 2012 @ 11:19am

    81: Daria says:

    Also, another (married) family friend got involved with a woman who was married to another family friend in my parent’s circle.

    She got found out by her husband, and moved out. He divorced her. The man moved out of the house with his wife (he never seemed adoring of his wife) and in with the woman. They are in a relationship. He does not want to go back to the wife.”

    “108: Annie says:

    I have always loved the story of Edward and Mrs Simpson, how he loved her so much he gave up being King.

    Was he a bad man? ”



  112.  #112Daria on October 4, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Annie I’ve copy and pasted our comments on that topic and sent them to Rori in moderation as a q



  113.  #113Smile on October 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Daria, he, I felt giggly at the fact I imagined you sending Rori an email full of swearing so it would go into moderation lol.



  114.  #114Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    @107 Starla – I can guarantee you he didn’t get the message you were trying to convey.

    He won’t get it by you ignoring his text either, I can guarantee that as well.

    If I were you, I would simply text back: Call me, please.

    It’s straight-forward, urgent, and leaves no guessing for him to do.

    then, when he does call, tell him how thrilled you are and how great it is to hear his voice. “Can you call me instead of texting me? I feel really tingly/excited/turned on/melty/soft when you call me and I can hear your voice.”

    He’ll be calling again…

    Texting is likely an unbreakable habit for him, a preferred mode of communication, and the thought of picking up the telephone to actually CALL you might even terrify him.

    I myself prefer texting. Telephone conversations tend to bore me.

    I have ADD and get distracted EXTREMELY easily when trying to listen, and then when the person on the other end senses my distraction I feel really guilty, so I prefer texting, because I can give the message my full attention when distractions are limited or non-existant.

    What do you think?



  115.  #115Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    @105 Smile – I know, it makes me feel so happy and hopeful. 🙂



  116.  #116Smile on October 4, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    Sometimes, once I send a message I read it back and want to change a part of it, like a feeling word should have been disappointed rather than sad.

    It’s Ok, I’m learning, I’ll know for next time.



  117.  #117Starla on October 4, 2012 at 12:37 pm

    lama, you’re right. i’ll text him when i’m off of work.

    i also don’t want to go to the art walk, lol



  118.  #118Starla on October 4, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    or maybe i could just ignore him until he goes away.



  119.  #119Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    @116 Starla – haha. 😀



  120.  #120Starla on October 4, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    i mean, i was pretty clear saying i was BOYCOTTING texting but that it would feel great to hear his voice any time.

    i feel like this man is testing my limits a little bit. and he’s actually admitted to doing this before with me (testing me)



  121.  #121Belle on October 4, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    51
    Tam
    “Every man I have met first tells me about what has caused them to date again, failed marriage, failed relationship and then they go into what has hurt them etc.
    It feels a little exasperating at times.”

    Tam, I read this, felt giggly and laughed, imagining taking a cue from you and saying, “I’m not here to be your therapist, I’m here to have fun!”

    I did actually ask a man once if he had considered therapy and suggested he could probably use it.
    He was spilling massive emotional pain all over the place, his wife had just lost a baby (open relationship, I met and had the blessing of his wife), another lover had unexpectedly broken up with him, and he was talking about having another baby asap but not getting connected to it until after it was born, and talking about childhood abuse and abandonment pain. On date 1.

    Ouch.
    I’m feeling pain all up in my shoulders just thinking about how much pain he was in that night…
    (((Belle)))
    slathering love all over me 🙂



  122.  #122bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 1:01 pm

    lol “therapy” as dating… i definitely had a first date with a man who INSISTED – after telling me he was “no longer in date-mode” hahahaha – on walking me around & around an old wind-y neighborhood to deconstruct all my spiritual barriers to intimacy……. omg. thanks, cute men. you’re weird & i love you lol…



  123.  #123Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    I want to respond with a smiley face.

    I Want to acknowledge his text.

    He didn’t acknowledge my returned one so why should I feel the need to?



  124.  #124Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    I’m sitting on my hands!



  125.  #125Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    Now going to read my book to take my mind off it.



  126.  #126bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    he told me to call him anytime & that he would happily coach me ? on something… lol it was something really funny…. he thought i needed to drink more ? lol….. & he thought…… he was talking about how he was a Warrior Man & how i was “putting” my own ? “burdens” on the idea of a partner ? i was putting the weight of my own… like “Completions” ? or something….. felt very surreal. very magical & weird feeling night…. hm. i’d feel interested to recover my full memories from that conversation.



  127.  #127Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:06 pm

    Flinging disappointed he sent me a non responsive text 🙁



  128.  #128Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    *feeling

    Heard from him the last 2 evenings, but not actually engaged in conversation or text.

    I want more.



  129.  #129Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    By not responding when it doesn’t require me to, am I breaking a pattern that isn’t serving me?



  130.  #130bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    i remember feeling sad for him… kind of like, “aww, baby, you don’t have to be like that to win a woman” & also at the same time i felt like, “woah, i did not realize that is how a man might perceive me” hmmmm…. this feels good to remember. he felt “older than” me in a lot of ways, like i felt like i was speaking to my father. however, i also remember feeling like i was his mother & he was “just venting” & i felt like just accepting that that was how he saw it. hmmm i wonder where i can use this in my Relationship ? yummy ! yummy yum yum lol : ) hehe i feel surprised ! awww sweet cracked-open feeling haha



  131.  #131Daria on October 4, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    thanks Daria for loving my sadness and honoring it

    thank you for showering me

    thank you for shaving my legs

    and putting lemon on them

    and wiping off when it stung

    thank u for getting me a bandaid for my booboo



  132.  #132Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    I love the debate in my head ((((my thoughts))))

    Looks like crossed paths all the time. Im looking for his lead if he wants the paths to meet.

    It would feel good to hear him. I miss his accent. A missed call feels like a step up from a text but now feels like the step up has been over shadowed with a text message requiring no response.



  133.  #133Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:26 pm

    His normal response if I’ve been busy and not replied is… Hey, did you get my text?



  134.  #134bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    smile, i feel curious about not responding….. that was always my Modus Operandi… “does this require a response ? ” if it didn’t, i rarely sent anything. just because i don’t like winding text-y conversation that doesn’t lead to Fun lol….. : ) i feel excited to text ! & then i feel let down if it doesn’t end up with a really really fun thing at the end, so that’s why i stopped doing it. felt like a treasure hunt where you like have to wait days to know what the next clue is. BORING hahaha…. ummm but i wouldn’t Not Text just because i wanted him to Act Differently, since that feels like game-playing or a control play or something…. what do you think ? i’d do what you straight up Want to do…. only making sure that “what I Wanted to do” was really in line with what i Actually Want lol… so, like, i wouldn’t text some guy that i really liked but wasn’t sure when i was going to hear from him, because what i Actually Want – more than to hear from him – is to See How He Treats Me : ) what do you think ? i feel curious what you will decide : ) feels fun to text & date & meet men : )))



  135.  #135bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    smile, “backing away is meaningless – it’s your VIBE that counts” : )))



  136.  #136MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Ohhh hmmmm

    Bloom-ing 95

    I feel a little stumped. hmmm And all I can say right in this moment is: All women are beautiful in their own way. And I do know men appreciate and admire this feminine beauty. And so do I 🙂 and I know, I think about many people. Women, men. I may think “Ohhhh that man looks good!” and I might have a hot flash of a fantasy or I might think “Oh isn’t she pretty and I like her lips!” (this one from a pretty lady I saw today). All are blessed with their own thoughts and feelings and I think…It does not harm me for my man to think “She’s hot!” about the girl walking by. Her hotness diminishing me…Does not compute.



  137.  #137Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Blooming, thanking you kindly. it wouldn’t feel good to respond to a text that didn’t require the response, so I won’t. I only Want to respond out of politeness like, hey, yeh I got your text. But It feels like effort to start a conversation and I don’t want to do that. If he wanted to talk more, I trust he would have initiated it more.



  138.  #138MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 1:39 pm

    I notice pretty girls when out with the man and I notice him NOT noticing. I have never asked but I can only assume he deliberately does not look. I guess it means he probably does notice, but he does not admire. And it doesn’t feel “safe” like…”hey my man doesn’t look or notice and he must not notice anyone but me!” but more “appreciative” like…”Wow. My man consciously and deliberately looks straight ahead. Isn’t he awesome? What a sweety to consider me like that.”



  139.  #139Daria on October 4, 2012 at 1:40 pm

    im feeling sad

    and sleepy



  140.  #140Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Blooming…

    I’m compelled to lean forward to text a smiley face.

    This bit of the article helps, thanks for reminding me about it.

    When you’re overcome by need, or feeling compelled to DO anything – it’s always best to back off, settle into yourself, feel what your feeling, own it, and wait to “do” anything until you can communicate authentically and show up as free of tension and agenda as you can.

    I have no agenda, other than to be polite and acknowledge a text. I kinda feel a bit rude not responding, I feel like I’m ignoring?

    I feel secure and comfortable inside myself, less like i have to “do” anything to “get” him,



  141.  #141Smile on October 4, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I feel happy and comfortable now to rest, relax then sleep.



  142.  #142Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    Not very Siren-y, but it still felt intriguing to me:

    male privilege is “i have a boyfriend” being the only response that might actually stop a guy from coming onto you, because he respects another man more than he respects your actual opinion/lack of interest.



  143.  #143Iamabutterfly on October 4, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    memory: I was driving down a country road one afternoon at sunset, and I stopped at a light. and there was a man. he looked into my car, smiled with an obvious sexual appetite, and then made a gesture that I knew meant, “will you come have sex with me?”

    I was 19.
    I felt terror.

    I shook my head no. He mouthed “why.”
    I mouthed “Boyfriend.” and drove quickly away…



  144.  #144bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    “plans” all time quarterback

    Would you ever thought of this, a split at the seams
    And I was careful enough to keep my questions to
    The least level of what I thought you could handle

    And I was 17 and you kept on changing the plan

    Breaking into houses for the sheer thrill of a crime
    Was funny at first but then I turned 13 and it got
    Harder to not get caught with the goods

    And I was 17 and you kept on changing
    Plans were more complex cause the cop cars
    finally stepped up to bat.



  145.  #145Tam on October 4, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    Ladies, I feel a little silly right now. I know now what the misunderstanding was yesterday, and if he had actually said a few more words I’d have understood. OMG. ‘this is not a date’ is the clue here…yikes..ha!!
    I made this all about me, being the new princess I am I thought ‘of course he wants to see me why would he tell me three days in a row that he will be up here?’
    In fact, he was meeting with buddies. He was informing me where he was going. NO MORE.
    Then I gave the whole speech about needing plans in advance and wanting to be picked up (making this all about me, like a date) – hence he said ‘this is not a date’ – and I misunderstood completely….hehehe…like I was from another planet.
    He wasn’t much bothered if I was going to be there or not, but if I was ‘out anyway’, I could have tagged along and he could have shown me off as his ;friend Tam’. That’s all it was.
    OMG, I am embarrassed but I also feel amused with myself for not being able to see that that was all it was. I was in ‘Princess Tam’ mode…thinking he wants to see me badly….too funny.
    He wasn’t bothered to see me…and there was me going on and on ‘it would feel nice to see you, it would feel good to be picked up’… I feel cringey.
    It was a simple misunderstanding.
    Just that.
    I swear that before this Rori stuff I’d have realised this, but now I am like ‘yeah, meeting or not, I am the yummy pie and the magnet and he is desperate to see me’ – but he wasn’t. Not at all, he was out and it was like ‘see ya or not’ .Oh dear.
    I feel giggly and also embarrassed.
    DUH!!!!!
    Well, I will never assume anything again now, Jeepers.
    I am the yummy pie still though 🙂



  146.  #146Starla on October 4, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    I tell men “i am not interested” instead of “i have a boyfriend.”

    they usually take it pretty well.



  147.  #147Tam on October 4, 2012 at 2:03 pm

    I briefly felt like informing him that it was a misunderstanding, but actually, there is no need because now I am even more turned off as he should be begging me for a date and not make vague plans for me to turn up as a groupie on his boy’s night.
    Now I am supremely turned off.
    No need to explain anything, he gets the message.



  148.  #148Tam on October 4, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    OMG OMG. He just wrote to me and said it was a meeting for my benefit…..
    well, how the hell was I supposed to know that????
    hsjrhfgawulyrgfjs,hfgwulayergfvwaj,rlhgfawufgvc
    AAAAAARGH
    Silly man.
    He also said there are things like taxis but that he understood, economy bla bla.

    And he said that he is an introvert and that I must not end up like him.

    And now I want to cry again. Urgh.

    I quickly wrote back that I was sorry as I realised already before his email that he had a misunderstanding and felt embarrassed.
    I also said that it would feel better to have a more clear communication because I feel exasperated having to read between the lines and potentially getting it wrong.

    Oh man.



  149.  #149bloom-ing on October 4, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    “Yes !” Coldplay

    When it started we had high hopes
    Now my back’s on the line, my back’s on the ropes
    When it started we were alright
    But night makes a fool of us in daylight

    There we were dying of frustration
    Saying, “Lord lead me not into temptation”
    But it’s not easy when she turns you on
    Since they’ve gone

    If you’d only, if you’d only say yes Whether you will’s anybody’s guess God only God knows I’m trying my best But I’m just so tired of this loneliness

    So up they picked me by the big toe I was held from the rooftop, then they let it go If there’s any screaming let the windows down As I crawl to the ground

    If you’d only, if you’d only say yes Whether you will’s anybody’s guess God only God knows she won’t let me rest But I’m just so tired of this loneliness I’ve become so tired of this loneliness



  150.  #150MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    I wrote a silly poem in my head on my drive home from work…

    I am just me.
    and she being
    “more” than me
    does not
    make me
    less than me.
    But to be
    the bestest me
    I can be
    I must!
    Love the she
    who is just…
    me

    🙂



  151.  #151MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    Yeahhh

    I got soul but

    i’m not a soldier.



  152.  #152Starla on October 4, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    Ooh I want to share a poem I wrote! It’s inspired by the Autumn season
    ————————–
    Deciduous Me

    I am a tree,
    Deciduous in nature,
    In that my coloring will change until
    It is finally shed completely.
    As I leave bits of myself
    All over your lawn,
    Two obvious options
    Present themselves –
    You can leave my shed, colored parts
    Ignored to turn brown, crumble, and rot
    (interrupted only by the trampling footsteps of your neglect),
    Or you can sweep them promptly into
    Lifeless garbage bags for disposal.
    If I were more than just a tree,
    There is a third way I’d urge you to consider –
    Which involves taking the time to appreciate
    The varied layers of colors I bear within me,
    Neither ignoring nor disposing of the nuisance
    Of bits of myself shed all over your lawn.



  153.  #153MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    (((tam)))

    Can you say “ooooopsie” 😛

    I still feel confused? The meeting was for your benefit?…Or a guys night?

    Jeeez Mr! No wonder Tam is so confused! I’m STILL confused!



  154.  #154Dominique on October 4, 2012 at 2:35 pm

    Annie – 108 – I feel concerned about the bad man reference. I saw it earlier too.

    I don’t think there are bad men just as there are no bad women. There ARE men who are deeply troubled, have not come to a place where they are ready to look at their stuff and begin the healing journey.

    They may do or say some awful things, but I don’t think they are not bad.

    All are good at heart. Sometimes life beats some of us down too far to have the energy to get up again. This kind of response I believe is a combination of personality (innate) and upbringing (societal influences). The nature/ nurture thing.

    xxoo



  155.  #155MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    I dunno…I really like your msg Dominique. Very nice!

    But I could not stop my brain from saying “Can we exclude child molesters and cold blooded murderers?”.

    But I laugh now cause I think that’s a given…



  156.  #156Dominique on October 4, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    Maybe I missed something. If I did, I apologize.

    xxoo



  157.  #157Tam on October 4, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Yeah well, same old, he also said he doesn’t want friction – the usual cop out line. He sees friendships and relationships as potential for friction and he doesn’t want any of it, he would rather stay alone. We have been through this 3 times already, now he is saying because of his impending Europe thing, before it was for other reasons.
    I feel sad. He will disappear now, the usual pattern.
    That was that with MrP.



  158.  #158Tam on October 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    Miss Stix, yeah, I think he was trying to get me a job or business opportunity. I just wish he had told me.



  159.  #159Miss Bells on October 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    I am back down in civilization. My beautiful 1993 Mercedes 300e is sitting outside, running like a top.

    I sent HS an email stating that I am back in range, and to call if he still wants to talk to me.

    I feel a little nervous, but also peaceful. Contacting OW IS a dealbreaker for me. That is my boundary and my truth. Being “friends” feels AWFUL to me and I won’t do it any more. THAT is my boundary and my truth.
    I will miss him. But with time I will feel better.
    If he steps up he will have his work cut out regaining my trust.



  160.  #160Miss Bells on October 4, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    Now I feel very hungry!



  161.  #161Dominique on October 4, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    MissStix – No I don’t think you can exclude them. They are even more troubled, most of them severely abused themselves.

    This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it does give another perspective. I can’t hate them. I can’t hate anyone. I can feel compassion for them. and I can feel just fine keeping them away from where they can inflict harm, eg. prison or an asylum.

    xxoo



  162.  #162MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I’m just in a really weird mood today…

    I feel…

    Fluffy. A little bit of a light texture. White, but not loke clouds. More like a nameless substance not in existance. Smooooth and soft and low density but not transparent or gaseous. Solid. Kind of bouncy rubbery bwoing bwoing but like big huge bounces and I hear the sound…Deeep. And now I see red. But to me red is not “angry” or “furious” or “hot”. Red is receiving and vibrant and welcoming ohhhh Yes. Hello! Aren’t you wonderful? Welcome to my life. I think you’ll find i’m pretty wonderful too! Isn’t that wonderful? And now blue! Wonderful blue. Just so uprising and aaaaawwwwwhhhhhh like angels singing in harmony. You feel dazzling! mmmmm and dazzling burnished gold infused with some kind of chunky iridescent glitter. ohhhhhh he11z yeah. Omg. orgasmic.



  163.  #163MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    Tam 157

    Ohhhhhh! kay. That makes sense….



  164.  #164Dominique on October 4, 2012 at 2:59 pm

    MissStix- 161 – Yum.

    xxoo



  165.  #165MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Tam

    And yeah…He is who he is. And only you know if he is right for you. I see you leaning towards not, and I feel happy to read about your abuntant options 🙂



  166.  #166LiliBee on October 4, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    161:

    lol Miss Stix,

    The 1st thing that came to my mind is the merengue on my mom’s butterscotch pie…You are the yummy pie! 🙂



  167.  #167MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    ohhhh meringue!

    Yum! Lemon meringue is my favourite yummy pie. Gramma’s to be specific…It’s just the best!



  168.  #168Rori Raye on October 4, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    Daria – oops – I didn’t mean to paint “good man/bad man” – I was referring to a good man as one who loves you and stays clear in his intentions toward you – I didn’t mean it to paint his general “character” – so now, perhaps I shouldn’t use those words at all! And thank you for the example I was missing. So now I HAVE heard of this working out for the woman – so, that leaves anything as possible even in my mind.



  169.  #169CurvySiren10 on October 4, 2012 at 3:22 pm

    Thank you for that correction Rori. It means a lot to me personally. I felt very icky reading those original words.



  170.  #170Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 3:41 pm

    ((((((((((((((((Tam)))))))))))))))))))))))

    Tell him English is not your mother tongue and the microscope you were using to read between the lines was feeling so heavy you had to put it down so you feel a little silly for missing the hints



  171.  #171MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Dear MrP

    Please say “Hey Tam, i’m meeting up with some buddies to see about opportunities for you. Wanna tag along?”



  172.  #172Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    Nice Starla



  173.  #173MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    Ohhh

    I like the poem starla.

    And I scrolled up further and I also like “i’m not interested.”

    I have been argued with and heard “So what?” so many times to the “I have a boyfriend” line…Maybe it’s a cultural thing, or a regional thing?



  174.  #174Starla on October 4, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    thank you fw and miss stix 😀

    i think the not interested thing is really a vibe thing more than a cultural or regional thing. i say it peacefully and without criminalizing them for showing interest in me.



  175.  #175Linda on October 4, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    Dominique.. 153… Bingo!

    I believe whole heartidly what you wrote ….

    I don’t think there are bad men just as there are no bad women. There ARE men who are deeply troubled, have not come to a place where they are ready to look at their stuff and begin the healing journey.

    You words have put into alignment some thoughts and feelings inside me. The last man.. my last relationship was with such a man. I loved that last man… but it was the man “under all his layers of stuff” that I loved. I could not live or be with the version of the man he offers. He just has the doors to his true self bolted shut. Once in a while he peeked out but never opened the door. I feel settled inside embracing this emotion in me. I wipe an occasional tear away when I think of him and his unwillingness to begin his healing journey. We would have been awesome together if he had.

    Well… with this said I am ready.. to move forward.

    hugs to you



  176.  #176Linda on October 4, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    I will also add… that at times I felt like a failure with him… not good enough etc etc… none of that is true. He simply was not ready or willing to begin his healing journey. It feels freeing and releases my personal blamey voice towards myself.



  177.  #177MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Sorry for confusion I meant the response to “I have a boyfriend”. I recall seeing another post where someone said they back off at “I have a boyfriend”. But I found men argumentative at that.

    But I have not been “hit on” since I decided to sink more into my feelings around men. Which is interesting…Because I don’t get looked at or talked to less by strangers. Just in a different way…



  178.  #178Linda on October 4, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    When I read this new thread my first thought was… oh you are failure at this stuff.

    No I am going to shift that right now… and say I am trying and working on all of this …. I started my healing journey a long time ago and still moving forward.

    Yeah! hugs my self and determination !



  179.  #179MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    hrrrnnmmmm like shoestore-guy….

    I know as little as a few weeks ago he would have asked me for my number or what I was doing later and I would have felt awkward and weird and hot and irritated and blown him off. But instead he chatted with me, flirted. And someone he knew came in and asked him how he liked the job and he said “How could I not? I get to talk to beautiful women all day.” and smiled and then said to me “Well I guess maybe I haven’t been working retail long enough if I still feel that way.” and we laughed and just simply parted ways. And it felt REALLY fun and good!



  180.  #180Linda on October 4, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    THe very wording… using the tools… appeals to the masculine.. fix it side of me. YIKES interesting thought. hmmmm



  181.  #181Femininewoman on October 4, 2012 at 4:15 pm

    Tam maybe he sees them that way because that is what he experienced in his life?? Maybe even from childhood. Even more reason to be the Siren. Leave him be. Drop

    the conversation. Get out there cdate to improve sense of sself. See that there are other men out there. Grow opinion of self and shift vibe.



  182.  #182Annie on October 4, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Ty Daria, Rori and Dominique.

    I am wanted to explore my feelings now and soul re bad.

    Do I think believe child molesters and me who beat women and children are bad?

    mmmm, ponders.
    Gosh my heart hurts with this one.

    My answer, they are not all bad no as no one person is all good or all bad.

    Those actions though abhorrent to me.
    Those actions are bad.
    And they have free will.
    I believe in free will.
    Oh gosh can I really say they are not bad.
    Well just because they had done good things and are good in other ways some acts are just too heartbreaking and abhorrent for words to me.

    Can I have empathy with these men, yes I can put myself is their shoes and see where they are at and see it from their point of view.

    With child molesters and pedophiles though they have something missing. They all share the same character flaw. They have no remorse. some feel guilt. But they all lack the ability to see and understand the victims pain, to truly empathies with their victims.
    And see and understand the damage they have done.

    Are they bad?
    I am not able to put my hand on my heart and say they are good men even if they have done some other good things.



  183.  #183Dominique on October 4, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Annie – I was going to bring this up and opted not to, but since you have I will chime in.

    Yes I also believe some, though I would imagine very few, people do have something missing as you put it. I believe these people are born this way, and some maybe manage to compensate if they receive the love and nurture they need. And there are those who do not get this and never manage to make these connections in the brain. And then there is a very tiny percentage of these who even though get all the love and care any child would want and need, still never make the connections and still go on to do things most would find despicable.

    I think I understand your feelings of confusion.

    xxoo



  184.  #184Annie on October 4, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Tam it’s hard to see what is happening when we are emotionally in it.
    That is why stepping back is good so we can become aware and see th wood from the trees.

    As an observer it looked to me if he was offering you friendship not a date.

    And I got the impression that you two had only ever had friendship but you were wanting him to step us and to date you become one of your cds.

    If you do have any romantic feelings towards him and would like him to ask you out on dates, do you think it is a good idea to stay friends with him?
    Hugs.



  185.  #185Annie on October 4, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Ty Dominique.

    I also believe those connections just haven’t happened.
    I believe it is more than a brain connection though.

    Something else going on as well though
    I believe they are disconnected from spirit.



  186.  #186Annie on October 4, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    xx



  187.  #187Annie on October 4, 2012 at 4:46 pm

    I don’t believe it is very few Dominique.

    At least One in three women and one if five boys are victims.

    So I believe it is more than we want to open are eyes and ears to.

    As the truth would be too heartbreaking to face.



  188.  #188Dominique on October 4, 2012 at 4:53 pm

    Maybe, Annie, maybe. I don’t think stats are all that accurate though, skewed to whatever direction those running the survey are biased. I have to also ask where do those responding to a survey come from, what questions are asked and how for starters.

    I have not led a sheltered life, and I am not young, and in all my time here, I have met one child molester and never a murderer. I have met a lot of people. And my eyes are wide open.

    xxoo



  189.  #189MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    My grandfather was a convicted pedophile. I never met him…But I know the story too well. And…I find it near excruciating to find compassion for him. The search continues.



  190.  #190MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Sorry I should re-word that. A pedophile and a convicted child molester. 7 kids…That they knew of.



  191.  #191Annie on October 4, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Dominque.

    “I have met one child molester ”

    One that you know of.

    I believe you will have met many and not known as most go unreported.



  192.  #192Annie on October 4, 2012 at 5:42 pm

    Stats come from victims reporting and asking for support from help lines.



  193.  #193MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    I want to change the subject…

    No, I feel urges to change the subject. I feel sick in my gut thinking about it. And my heart aches for those little kids. Maybe there is just no room in all those feelings for compassion for the man. All of those feelings go to the children. And I suppose I could give nothing to the man. And they are out there…But I can’t stop them. So…No energy to them. Positive or negative. Just positive energy to the victims. Hmmm maybe there is a way to help victims? Good question. Good idea!



  194.  #194Miss Bells on October 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    #75
    YES!!
    If this is good advice with cheating husband–it must be even better for cheating long term live-in.
    I moved out after the first episode. But not all the way.

    Then she came back+the Match gals. No real dates–just him trolling.

    On Tuesday I left “the note” and moved all my good stuff out while he was gone. Then I went out of cell range.

    He called three times. Two of them to protest his innocence because he was alone on Sunday and Monday.

    He didn’t mention getting into a jealous rage over Trailer Girl when she came to visit her ex-boyfriend (or IS he ex?) Trailer Man, on Saturday night. Trailer Man is his tenant in the trailer in back.

    In fact, he lied right to my face when I said I knew she was back and he was in contact with her.

    The note said I can’t do this anymore, I can’t be friends. Among other things.

    He also emailed me when he couldn’t reach me by phone. So I emailed back that I was back in phone range. Call if you still want to talk.

    Now—except for retrieving the rest of my things, I am really as done as I said in the note.

    He will certainly try all the old tricks to get me back. But I have already done this TWICE before.

    If he doesn’t go to the moon for me this time I can’t believe him, even if he does start putting attention on me again.

    So–for all intents and purposes he really has lost me, and I really am single.

    I know I tend to talk about him on the blog and to friends. I am allowing one day for adjustment. Then, by Saturday–I don’t think or talk of him. The thinking will be as much as possible. I am not sure I can eliminate all of it.

    I have a car. I will post and attend meet-ups, and do whatever appeals at a given moment.

    I will read mystery novels.

    I will clean my closets. And write my darned book.

    I am sitting in my turret with about two thirds of my worldly goods around me.

    I will sort my stuff out and put it away.

    This too shall pass.



  195.  #195Miss Bells on October 4, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    #188
    I spent part of my life in pretty tough places.
    I have known more than one murderer. And I’m sure I have met one or two that didn’t say.
    Also–men who have killed though it wasn’t murder.
    Men who killed plenty in combat….
    As for child molesters–don’t kid yourself. Most get away with it, and they ain’t talking.



  196.  #196Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 6:49 pm

    104 me too tam
    I haven’t given up.
    I’d like to f



  197.  #197Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    Oopsies
    Hit the button. I’m on my phone!
    I’d like to find a relationship that feels cozy and fun.



  198.  #198Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    194 & 195 ((((miss bells))))



  199.  #199Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 7:00 pm

    I come to this blog and feel thankful that I am reminded to start new things rather that recycle the past (aka recycledCD)…
    I feel tempted to reach out to him but I feel it’s not my best option. He’s unavailable and I need to accept that. He even told me once that his ex wife met a guy on match and that I should try it too. Thinking of that makes me sick.



  200.  #200Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 7:03 pm

    I feel at odds with my family and betrayed by some things that happened over the summer. It feels bad to feel this way. I am furious with my siblings still over something they his from me. I don’t keep secrets from them about family stuff and believe me they always make sure they know the scoop. Then left me out of the loop. Im still mad.



  201.  #201babysteps on October 4, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    “Backing Away Is Meaningless – It’s Your VIBE That Counts”

    “He can smell fear, he can smell it when a woman puts him at the center of her life – he can feel the pressure.

    Backing away in itself is meaningless.”

    I am still struggling with the vibes, from sending out needy vibes and from sending out vibes of pain and being lost….

    How DO we love our terror?

    i am stupid, i feel dumb that i am not getting even a tiny glimpse of understanding on how to….



  202.  #202Tam on October 4, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Thank you Miss Stix, FW and also Annie.

    Annie, we never had a straighforward friendship, there was always more in the mix because we are attracted to each other and it has always been him who initiated it. We had an imaginary relationship for 6 months and since then it has been on/off. The only reason why we are not physical is because I told him that I don’t want to have sex with someone who is not my boyfriend. And he has told many times that he is a loner, hermit and worried that he won’t be able to have a relationship. It is heartbreaking but I have accepted it. And I am on my horse.

    I also know that he has been trying to find a way for me to stay here and that this has been first and foremost on his mind, hence this ‘meeting’ had somehow something to do with it but he won’t ever reveal anything much. Sadly.



  203.  #203LiliBee on October 4, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    Zumba completely depleted my physical batteries tonight.
    My whole body feels limp and lifeless.
    I felt my hips loose and flexible during the last 2 classes.
    But tonight, they were back to feeling stiff.
    I feel the stiffness in the entire pelvic area.
    I wonder what’s up with that.
    Must be stuck energy in that area.



  204.  #204babysteps on October 4, 2012 at 7:16 pm

    i feel like a faker, someone pretending to be who she isn’t. i am leaning back physically but my vibes are all over the place, i don’t feel i’ve gotten one bit better. i tell myself and everyone that i’ve made it to Week 1… but have i really grown ?

    am i deceiving myself as well everyone here? cos my heart isn’t willing to let go… and i do not want to lean back at all…. not one bit…

    i am faking the leaning…..



  205.  #205LiliBee on October 4, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    204:

    Hi babysteps,

    I know that feeling.
    Modern Siren or the Heart Connection toolkit of Rori’s really helped me feel less ‘lost’ with all this new learning.



  206.  #206Brandylion on October 4, 2012 at 7:41 pm

    So the guy who was so hot to trot last weekend and didn’t ever get back to me with a place to meet me for Sunday texted me tonight. I haven’t heard from him since Saturday afternoon. Here’s the exchange:

    TD: Hey brandylion

    Me: Hi TD.

    TD: Brandylion can you please talk to me? At least give me a chance to see you and see if we are connected I like u and very much interested

    Me: I thought we were going to meet last Sunday and I felt very confused when I didn’t hear a firm plan with a place to meet.

    Me: I am not free again until next weekend.

    TD: Well sweetie takes both to make it happen

    Me: Oh, you’re so funny! I don’t chase men. I feel turned off planning dates.

    Me: I don’t feel interested in men who don’t take the lead. I feel bored with them.

    TD: Well are u seriously interested in me? All I am asking you when are u free so I can do the planning

    Me: I am not free until next weekend. I am out of town for a race this weekend, and I can’t squeeze dates into school nights.

    TD: Ok

    I feel pretty turned off by the pleading tone at the start. I haven’t been ignoring his texts or calls–there haven’t been any since his last one on Saturday when he said “Cool” when I said we could meet for an early dinner on Sunday.

    I feel angry at the condescension/patronization in “Well sweetie takes both to make it happen”. Am I misreading that? This is the second time he’s called me sweetie, and I really hate pet names in general, but especially from strangers. They imply a level of familiarity and intimacy that isn’t warranted, and I feel really uncomfortable. Do I tell him that, or just tolerate it as an “arrow of love” that he’s giving me?



  207.  #207Daria on October 4, 2012 at 7:43 pm

    Tummy churning me up. Well all the stretching will shift and heal my 1st chakra… Till I can walk they walls even with or without a body. And even iron loves me and serves me.

    All this sadness ocean. I’m feeling that huge water movement side to side feeling.

    It feels ‘too much’ for a little human. I want to play and feel good. Is there a way to do all this doing that?

    Or is this ‘craving to touch my most deepest parts, to feel profound’ & joy?

    I feel confused and sad.

    Dragged along on the horse laying down.

    ‘I just want it to be over’

    I just want it to be fun.

    Sneeze bless you.

    Sneezing from the inside triggers.

    I want my mommi to take care of me.

    I feel fara vlaga. Soft, back boneless, tummy turning.

    🙁

    I want to feel taken care of.

    I don’t want to make the effort.

    I don’t want to make an effort.

    I feel icky, uncomfortable. It feels better to lie here.

    And die.

    Sigh.

    I know. It was another life.

    I honor this. I give myself permission to transform and heal this.

    ((((((Daria))))))

    Choices of where to be, in what world. Infinite choices.

    If I choose happy. It’s ok. Ok I choose happy.

    I feel sad and disappointed to be choosing happy.

    I heAr you. I’m here for you always.



  208.  #208Daria on October 4, 2012 at 7:47 pm

    Wow this is great for me:

    ‘I don’t feel interested in men who don’t take the lead. I feel bored with them.’



  209.  #209Daria on October 4, 2012 at 7:49 pm

    Though for me the truth migh be, I feel annoyed and insecure with them. And I don’t want to feel that way.

    A confident woman feels bored w them. Well I do too actually a bit. I feel bored w men who don’t put in effort. Ha.



  210.  #210Daria on October 4, 2012 at 7:53 pm

    I feel truggered, icky at ‘it takes both’

    Rather than sweetie. I feel turned off before w sweeten and honey, I’m ok w sweetie now some, honey still feels icky.

    It gives me a creepy porno vibe from a guy. Ew.

    Some women don’t feel triggers by that vibe tho but to me it feels so Ew.

    Am I being culture/background phobic? Hmmm

    I think so, but that vibe thing may not even be in the word. I may have just encountered in correlated that’s all



  211.  #211Daria on October 4, 2012 at 7:57 pm

    It’s ok to seek out triggers for joy.

    Yes it always is, even if it gets me out of deep sadness. I will continue healing .



  212.  #212luzydel on October 4, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    This is why I don’t like asking how to say/write a feeling message here; because it doesn’t feel authentic and it feels like having a hidden agenda e.g manipulation. (this just how I feel about it though)

    I rather don’t say anything and leave or just say what ever I am feeling in the moment, if the man runs away then he doesn’t get me. I have said weird, “bad” things to men and some of them did not run away. So being authentic for me is the way to go even if I screw up.

    The RIGHT man will stay…



  213.  #213Daria on October 4, 2012 at 7:58 pm

    I’m being held by me :).

    Yawwn



  214.  #214MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 8:04 pm

    ((((babysteps)))))

    Just keep swimming. And believe it…You will get there!

    Faking it is a part of making it…It is practice, and learning. No one expects you to just do anything at the snap of fingers.New hurdles and obstacles will keep popping up for the rest of your life but you will be more and more aware and healing will come exponentially faster and more free. <3



  215.  #215luzydel on October 4, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    Someone has been checking me out and I just realized today. I went to the vending machine to get some chips at work and behing me was this man waiting, I felt his eyes on me, so I turned and smiled…he said wow I am surprised you didn’t get your M&M’s today…hmmm?

    I usually go get my peanuts M&M’s but today I got chips lol weird, first time I notice the man ( a bit older but very handsome) 🙂



  216.  #216Daria on October 4, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Where an I often complaining to someone about my experience w them or complaining outward about my community?

    I complain in my head

    But to someone’s face?

    Is it a subtle thing?

    I feel so much anger im stepping on

    I feel so angry being complained about to.

    Ouch.

    Thigh tingle

    Is this my complaining?

    I feel EXTREMELY triggered and am stuffing.

    Thank you do much for this opportunity!

    I see where I stuff this in r l.

    And it feels so good to have expressed a bit.

    I still feel a lot if anger.

    I felt my heart drop and my tummy get grabbed.

    I feel like punching someone for triggering me to feel this way.

    Wow

    I don’t want to be told I’m not good enough.

    I feel very angry.

    Hmmm

    I want to be spoken to w appreciation.

    Pinches! I love you.

    Sleepy

    I love you.

    Tight tingles. Anger.

    Oh

    No ones fault

    This is so cool! I get to heal by noticing and practicing on blog stuff that feels So triggering… I might not catch or change in real life

    Wooh
    I don’t feel mad at anyone.

    I feel celebratory.

    My thigh is tight and Pinchy feeling.

    My tummy feels tight.

    I love these feelings.i love my anger!

    Hehehe

    I love my joy and giggles.

    Ugh

    I love my grunts.

    Hehe.

    I feel tickled.



  217.  #217MissStix on October 4, 2012 at 8:16 pm

    Hmmmm

    It’s not about getting anyone to do anything. It’s about actually being capable of expressing myself. Good and happy outcomes for all involved are yummy! Negative outcomes are felt and reflected upon. How can I deal with my own self better next time? And yeah, conversing. yea my new word. It is no longer talking it is conversing. Because I feel gross when I talk “at” someone. I just won’t. ewwww. Used to be lucky if I would talk at all. Just internalizing everything and feeling so angry and hateful and bitter. Mostly of myself. Looking back now…Now I can just say out loud “I feel annoyed” or “I feel so happy”. It’s nice! I actually shudder a little to think I would be with a man I could manipulate. No thanks. I just want a man who wants to hear me, sees me, works with me. I do want effort, but I give effort in so many ways. Not too much to ask for. Nope.



  218.  #218luzydel on October 4, 2012 at 8:26 pm

    hmmm … Maybe there are lots of handsome men checking me out and I don’t notice them because I’m chasing men who don’t really want me…

    I need to empty my horse carriage of men that don’t want me and fill it with yummy handsome men who notice my taste in M&M’s and my dimples and the fact that I left my hair curly … I like when I random man says wow “you have an amazing smile”, or said “cute dimples” or any nice compliment…I feel shy and blushing, because I feel guilty of receiving compliments; like if I say thank you I must be vain and If I believe them I must think I am “all that” and I feel ‘cocky’… but maybe I am all that… especially for the men I did not notice before, but are showing up everywhere… mmm…



  219.  #219babysteps on October 4, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    LiliBee and Miss Stix,

    thanks.. i guess we fake it until we make it… but that’s to others. i don’t feel right faking to myself and to the Sirens.

    One step forward and 2 steps back LoL

    I am looking forward to the weekend by myself though…



  220.  #220Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 9:04 pm

    215 aw luzydel that sounds intriguing !!



  221.  #221Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 9:50 pm

    I started a new job and it’s really stressful. I’ve been trying to clarify what I see for my future … Do I want to move? I dont know. Yes but no.

    I feel time slipping and I know it’s just an illusion …. I insist on enjoying each day.

    I feel most valued/accepted by my family when I am “providing ” for myself and not needing help. It feels awful. I feel guilt when I’ve asked for help.



  222.  #222Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Why do I feel low status and terrible when someone is helping me? I feel I don’t deserve it.
    I’ve been dreaming of dark meadows and paths. I walk through them or sometimes I’m on a horse but I’m not scared. The paths look very halloweenish… Dark and drippy…like a Disney scene. I know what’s around the corners. I’ve been on these paths many times in my dreams. I wonder why? There is a clearing and a fence and hats the turning point. Next time I’m “there”, I will look around a bit more closely. Maybe there is a message.



  223.  #223Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    *thats the turning point not”hats”



  224.  #224Emerson on October 4, 2012 at 9:58 pm

    It sometimes reminds me of where i used to ride as child in Europe



  225.  #225Butterfly wings on October 4, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Babysteps, the best thing you can do from now is to find ways to shift your focus so it’s off him.

    Is there something you can do that will require your focus, even for a few minutes? Then gradually build up the time. Find something else that requires a little more focus, then more again, and so on.

    This is a learning process and nobody (except you it seems!) expects you to get this right first time.

    You’re doing great and this WILL get easier!

    xxx



  226.  #226Butterfly wings on October 4, 2012 at 10:39 pm

    It was TH’s birthday yesterday. I didn’t buy him anything (which I feel bad about) but I did give him “me”! 😉

    What a lucky man he is! lol



  227.  #227babysteps on October 4, 2012 at 11:42 pm

    Butterfly Wings, thanks.

    I have been focusing on small tasks and also doing things for myself. Simple things like giving myself a good scrub etc. My conscious focus is not on him 24/7, he just flitters in and out of my mind… mostly more often than I like. I haven’t been able to take my focus off for a full day.

    Babysteps can’t vouch for her subconscious mind cos of the feeling in my heart.. which makes me suspect that I am “thinking” but not fully aware.

    I feel impatient, impatient that I am such a slow learner. All I need to do is to focus on myself, love myself, lean back and give up control of the future. It’s really THAT simple.



  228.  #228Tereana on October 4, 2012 at 11:58 pm

    Lillibee – re your hips – you could try belly dance : ) and I don’t mean Zumba belly dance. That’s great. I mean real belly dance. That will get your hips loose! But it’s not as easy as it looks….



  229.  #229Tereana on October 5, 2012 at 12:07 am

    Alright. I know this topic is boring to y’all by now, but I’m going to use the blog for it anyway…

    I’m giving things a few days before I contact vman again. If I do. I’ve initiated a couple of convos recently, so I think it’s a good time to back off. Even though I’ve got good things to say. I can wait. He’ll contact me. He always has and he always does.

    I like the feeling of being able to trust that someone will be there. It feels nice. Like warm fudge. Solid and sweet. I am having fun practicing with this feeling. It feels better than trying to reach out and “do” something. That actually feels like “running away,” oddly enough….



  230.  #230babysteps on October 5, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Tereana, it is never boring. I mostly don’t comment cos i don’t feel comfortable saying anything, esp since i’m a new to Rori and struggling myself…

    if there was a like button or a hugs button, you will see my name on it ^_^



  231.  #231babysteps on October 5, 2012 at 12:26 am

    Tereana, it is never boring. I mostly don’t comment cos i don’t feel comfortable saying anything, esp since i’m a new to Rori and struggling myself…

    if there was a like button or a hugs button, you will see my name on it ^_^



  232.  #232Tam on October 5, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Why do I have to CD? Because the man who has feelings for me and would move heaven and earth to help me in my life, has told me in roundabout terms that he is afraid of relationships and doesn’t think he can do it.
    So I CD and focus on me and spend all my time with men that don’t interest me, or bother me with clingyness, in the name of learning and growing.
    Why does it have to be like this?
    That;s not what I signed up for.
    I signed up for meeting someone who loves me as much as I love them and being able to have a relationship. I didn’t sign up just for the first half of that sentence, or just for the second half.
    I feel so frustrated because I am having dinner dates with guys and want to stay happy and open and all the while I’d rather hang out with someone else. Someone who has the same interests as me, the same level intelligence, who doesn’t engulf me and it feels good.
    Ok, got to get back on my horse…
    I don’t want the ‘relationship I want’ with a man I don’t want – I want both. I don’t understand why this has been so elusive in the last 4 years. I feel soo impatient. 🙁



  233.  #233Daria on October 5, 2012 at 3:20 am

    Hi tummy turning sick and sad feeling.

    I love you!



  234.  #234Daria on October 5, 2012 at 3:29 am

    Uh oh I feel truggered w self doubt.

    I’m wondering if — I’m not addicted to attention

    That I enjoy CDing so much. I feel myself sinking in sensuality as soon as I see a man on a CD for me. Ive gotten an anchor trigger that date — equal pleasure, relaxation,

    Writing this I know I cannot be addicted to attention, cuc there’s no such thing . It was just an old control judging paradigm, about stoic ness . Yay. No more,

    I feel a lil sad not gearing from No Name CD. I feel a lil guilty.

    I feel a lil relieved.

    I feel a lil shame. I feel defensive. I love my feelings.



  235.  #235Daria on October 5, 2012 at 3:36 am

    I feel a lil panicked when I read about others not enjoying CDing.

    I feel all frenzied and want to jump in and ‘help’ them / control them ?

    The tummy turns I have thinking just about scheduling my time here… I feel ugh. It’s an awful feeling like that one when you’re about to go on trial. What is up w that. I felt it again, hot in my tummy.

    Ohh I feel so uncomfortable feeling this way.

    I love my feelings.

    Am I getting confortable s these triggering feelings?

    Is that what’s going on?

    Do I have cancer?

    Or did somebody die?

    I love my questions.

    I’m healing. I choose to be healing.

    I feel a little down.

    I feel all tingly.

    I love all my feelings.



  236.  #236Heart on October 5, 2012 at 3:40 am

    hi Sirens – online for a little while -yay!
    scrolling up and about…



  237.  #237Tam on October 5, 2012 at 3:42 am

    I enjoy CDing sometimes, but it doesn’t feel good to be obsessed about by those men I don’t like.
    I don’t want to have to turn my phone off in order to work. I don’t want to be engulfed and seen as a ‘gf’after the first date.
    It feels yucky.

    I believe that MrP can do relationship, as long as we call it something else, like ‘pizza’ or ‘icecream’. He can even do marriage, if we call it ‘for the papers’. It’s like a silly game.
    I don’t want pizza or a marriage for papers though. I want the real deal.
    And I don’t want to be Mummy, who has left him and gets tested now whether she really loves him. My Psych friend says he behaves like an adopted child, who will rebel and push/pull to see if his new parents still love him afterwards. The talk about other women, the ‘put-downs’ etc. ‘oh and she is still there’. She is still there, open and staying curious but on borrowed time.
    When he realised I had a boyfriend he stepped up. ‘oh she might not be there anymore soon’.
    Stepping up for fear of losing someone…is only temporary. I feel scared.
    I don’t need to feel scared, he is not making any plans to see me. Ok. I feel better.
    I don’t need to think about this.
    I have a dinner date. And another one maybe tomorrow…and maybe a lunch date on Sunday and maybe a party Sunday night.
    All the glitzy restaurants and parties, and I just want to get scruffy and dirty on a boat and rip off my fingernails, get bad hair and sunburnt and laugh genuinely.
    Oh man, I feel so sad.
    It’s like I have to go to work when I should be having fun 🙁



  238.  #238Tam on October 5, 2012 at 3:47 am

    Solution number 1: find another fwb (friend with boat). Make an advert on craigslist for an activity partner.
    That takes care of my outdoor little girl.



  239.  #239Tam on October 5, 2012 at 3:50 am

    Hello Heart, so nice to see you 🙂



  240.  #240Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 3:55 am

    Tam,

    Is this the same guy that invited you out and didn’t come get you? I know you said you misunderstood his invite but I feel confused. I need to go back and reread the story of Tam.



  241.  #241Daria on October 5, 2012 at 3:55 am

    Hmm why don’t I connect icky dating experiences with ‘CDing’ in general ?

    Oh ok cux I see how I grow and am challenged. Saying I feel uncomfortable with so much contact, I don’t want to receive many texts and calls right now.’. Feels scary and I know I’m growing taking these steps. And That feels exhilarating and exciting.

    Yay me.

    So what am I going thru now, when I haven’t been pitying myself out there to meet men. Hmmm



  242.  #242Tam on October 5, 2012 at 3:57 am

    Goddess Lily, it is confusing. I feel confused also.
    I choose today to take my mind away from the confusion and onto the concrete things in front of me.



  243.  #243Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Good choice Tam



  244.  #244Tam on October 5, 2012 at 3:59 am

    Ok, so let’s flip.
    I feel flattered to be a magnet for all these men.
    I don’t want a text every two minutes so I turn off the phone.
    It feels good to have an abundance of dinner invitations, which means I don’t have to go shopping so much and I have company.
    hehe.
    Better already.



  245.  #245Tam on October 5, 2012 at 4:01 am

    Thank you FW 🙂
    I feel love coming at me from a lot of sources, not always the way I want it to look but love nevertheless. I see this as a positive and as abundance, not as ‘lack of’…
    Yeah!



  246.  #246Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:06 am

    I met with AwwrCd (laundrymat guy) this week and we had a really cute coffee & snack date…And he was a total gentlemen and he held stuff for me, got me some etc (and he paid)…But he’s younger than me by a couple of years!…Hmmm…Oh well I’m experiencing and exploring.

    Daria – I am enjoying CDing!…SO FAR

    Also, I realized I don’t have a problem contributing to the bill with CuddleyGrinch…CudG actually makes me feel really cared for when we’re out. He is in grad school and can’t afford to pay for everything but CudG has spent more money on me that my other ( not that it lessens the others but it’s just something to take into consideration when unfairly judging him) CDs even though he doesn’t pay for it all since we go to nicer places – and there is a more romantic vibe. Also, he puts effort into planning the date.

    SO I appreciate CudG for making me feel cared for..
    in that sense

    And I appreciate AwwrCd for making me feel cared for too.



  247.  #247Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 4:07 am

    Impressive flip Tam. You may still be surprised by one of the ones you’re dating in the interim. They might turn out to be better than MrP.



  248.  #248Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 4:09 am

    You literally have all the arrows Rori talks about coming at you right now. You’re living the program.



  249.  #249Vi on October 5, 2012 at 4:12 am

    I notice I feel a little tension in the right side of the body when I’m around mom. I also expected I’d feel defensive and pist with her but I don’t.. I feel surprized.



  250.  #250Daria on October 5, 2012 at 4:13 am

    I’m not getting enuf B vitamins — big sadness. Dread

    Not Enuf protein – tired weak

    Not enuf omega 3 fish – dry brain. Confusion dizzy.

    Eat Processed oils – racing thoughts, anxiousness

    Antibiotic and unhappy animals – ‘dumpy’ feeling

    I love All my feelings.



  251.  #251Ulii on October 5, 2012 at 4:15 am

    Ok. So, somebody who has hurt me is sending me a mail “Miss you.”

    I cut contact with him 2 weeks ago, as chit-chatting with him got me to a bad place emotionally.

    Actually I feel all heavy and bad receiving this kind of little mail. I do miss him too. But he has a long distance girlfriend and he was not breaking up with her to be with me or stepping up any other way.

    The last thing I said was, I feel open to have contact with him again when he’s single. But he’s not saying anything about that. Hm..

    He has not asked me anything. So.. I guess I´m not saying anything. Still, doesn´t feel good.



  252.  #252Emerson on October 5, 2012 at 4:17 am

    I feel invisible and I feel self conscious like maybe I’m not interesting enough
    I feel shame to admit this



  253.  #253Tam on October 5, 2012 at 4:18 am

    Thank you Goddess Lily 🙂



  254.  #254Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 4:20 am

    I see you Emerson!



  255.  #255Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Babysteps – I feel Mermaid-like and earthy and airy and centered and soothed when I practice the tools.
    I feel so into myself…and softer and more authentic.
    I fear you might be approaching this in a mechanical sort of way…I feel compassion. We can all fall into that trap.
    I sometimes feel fake too…I will try to explore that fakeness the next time it comes up.

    Sometimes just doing the Tools puts you in automatic lean back mode for most of the time.
    Also spending time in nature really helps…taking hot baths, meditating…If you’re feeling fake maybe you should spend more time connecting with your Feminine self.
    I have moments when I feel more real and when I feel fake too.
    I suppose it’s all growing pains.



  256.  #256Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 4:23 am

    My ex (profCD) keeps saying he misses me. I couldn’t come up with an appropriate feeling message other than it feels good to be missed. But he caught on to the fact that I wasn’t reciprocating the feeling. I don’t really miss him but I don’t want to say that. What do I say?



  257.  #257Daria on October 5, 2012 at 4:24 am

    I’m wetting a big batch of seaweed that will heal all this depression. Yum!



  258.  #258Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:25 am

    3239 – Hi Tam

    BigCD SOUNDS obsessed!
    Ruuuuun …lol 😛
    but really Give him a little chance…maybe he showed up to teach you how to receive affection…?



  259.  #259Linda on October 5, 2012 at 4:26 am

    206… I like very much the words and strength of boundries stated in that text exhange.

    I am currently dealing with a seeming flock of men that FEEL like “hobby daters”. I feel bored and uninterested.

    One has said for two weeks he wants to meet me when we talk even mentioned he was thinking Friday(which would be tonight) on Monday evening when we talked last. Have not heard a thing from him since. pfffft (he is the only one that I have spoken to lately I would have any interest in meeting actually). now… well I actually feel irritated at him. I told him in our last conversation that last minute, tenative type plans dont work for me. If he is like this my impression here is not favorable.

    I have another man who wrote a great email and when I responded he asked if we could me and wanted me to pick the place that I would feel comfortable with. I remember something the Evan Mark Katz said about this from a mans point of view… so even though I want a man to plan and row and put it together…. I. and picked the place and asked what do you think? He wrote back and said it would have to be next week cause he was out of town this week end going to a race.. Said he would contact me Monday …. ok we will see. I will hold him to his word.

    Now ladies… I take men at their word and hold them accountable to them. Is that wrong? Is that not a reflection of character to you?



  260.  #260Daria on October 5, 2012 at 4:28 am

    I got accused of waning to ‘control ‘ the family. And I wonder if that comes up in my vibe w my godsons mom and dad too when I took them on as family .

    Hmm
    Maybe my thoughts of wanting desperately to ‘help’ come out as ‘control’ under my awareness.

    I feel scared of this. I want to heal this.



  261.  #261Tam on October 5, 2012 at 4:28 am

    258, Heart, yes, I have my alarm bells…it’s more possession than affection. He told me that as soon as we started interacting on the internet, he stopped his search for anybody else….and he is expecting me to do the same so it seems, just some things he said…why would I? I am not even attracted to him, so why should I stop CDing? Total nonsense…he is super jealous already. After 2 dates. It feels yucky.



  262.  #262Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:30 am

    Also – I have heard from CudG in 10 days…

    I feel ok.
    I miss him.
    I feel bad for not going on the last date.
    I feel good for not going on the last date…
    I feel confused by the pulling-away-again-and-so-soon-after-the-first-pull-away
    I feel hopeful with regards to the future
    I feel a little hopeless….
    I feel oceanic…

    I feel curious about the ebb and flow in my chest…
    I feel happy to know that these are just emotions and they do not run me…
    I feel bored…



  263.  #263Daria on October 5, 2012 at 4:30 am

    I feel hungry!



  264.  #264Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:31 am

    #261 TAM – wow maybe BigCd is a lesson to all of us…on how yucky it feels for men when women start having expectations and making demands too soon…



  265.  #265Tam on October 5, 2012 at 4:34 am

    exactly what I was thinking Heart…admittedly I am also a woman who does not need her man to send 10 txt messages and call 3 times a day.
    I have a life. 😉



  266.  #266Daria on October 5, 2012 at 4:34 am

    I feel overwhelmed to feed mysef properly waaaah I feel sad and angry and anxious



  267.  #267Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:34 am

    (((Emers)))



  268.  #268Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:37 am

    #265 – Tam – fm?

    Dear bigCd,
    I like hearing from you but I feel over-
    welmed by too much attention. I want to take things slow. What do you think?



  269.  #269Ulii on October 5, 2012 at 4:38 am

    (((((Emerson)))))

    Not invisible at all! I always smile when I see your name and your shoe. 🙂

    Feeling similar feelings towards my family too.

    I’m in a stressful situation of no job & looking. And away from my family to not deal with their judgement too much. I judge myself though….



  270.  #270Daria on October 5, 2012 at 4:39 am

    Soon as I start cooking I feel happy 🙂



  271.  #271Heart on October 5, 2012 at 4:39 am

    #262 I Haven’t heard….not I have,,,



  272.  #272Tam on October 5, 2012 at 4:40 am

    268 Thanks Heart..I kind of tried that and got a ‘I am offended’ vibe.
    But I don’t care too much.



  273.  #274Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 4:56 am

    Hello Sirens

    I am drawn to being here on the island as I have actually started dating!! Yes me!! I have flown my safe and secure little next and decided to venture out again now I am settled down.

    I had a date on Wednesday night, very nice man but only left his “wife” (which is what he still called her, not his ex) in May far too soon and he has young children and is going through a custody battle, far too much drama for me. I tried my hardest to remember the RR stuff but when I was doing my lean back he thought I was frightened of him (!!) and I had done the whole thing of letting him choose where to meet, where to go etc and he remarked that I should choose things myself which made me feel a bit dumb TBH. Another Siren has said it is probably because I was “different” to most women in that I am using Siren ways…….

    I had another man phone me last night but I was on the phone to my gf (the one with big man drama’s I wrote about, when something is too good to be true, it usually is) anyway he texted me this morning so I thought I need to get on here today and start re-learning the things I have forgotten.

    I have missed you all. xxx



  274.  #275Tam on October 5, 2012 at 4:57 am

    ooh cringe, this resonates:

    ‘Do you see where she mentions that he’s “shared personal information with her that no one else knows”? And his “trust issues”? This is one of the most common mistakes most of us women have made at least once. We think that being a man’s “friend” through the hard times will cement the relationship and turn it to passion and love in the future.’

    eeeek….



  275.  #276Daria on October 5, 2012 at 4:57 am

    My brain feels like I poured soothing goo on. Mmmm. Thank you omega 3 butter. Mmmm it tastes soooo good I eat plain butter it’s sweet and I can taste the healing. And thank you egg yum . And thank you seaweed.

    I’m feeling happy I feel like dancing!

    And last nite I talked to my amygdala and said what if you could feel better what if you felt good… And she heard me and my scary thoughts stopped right away.

    ((((((Amygdala))))))



  276.  #277Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 4:58 am

    I wish there was a like button on here like Facebook. 😀



  277.  #278Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 5:01 am

    Yayy SMB



  278.  #279MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 5:04 am

    babysteps

    We all have our own pace 🙂 it’s been over 2 years now for me since finding rori after my separation. I didn’t really get it for a long time. ESPECIALLY the loving your feelings part. I mostly wrote that off for a long time cause I didn’t get it and I had not been on tge blog yet. Loving my feelings like JUST came within the past couple months.

    Does not matter if we are slow learners or fast. As long as we are learning.



  279.  #280Daria on October 5, 2012 at 5:06 am

    What a huge difference . For real. No more big sadness.

    Now I want to go out.

    My plan is to vacuum, then do stretchy movements.

    🙁

    Awww

    Yes this is our experiment. We also feel excited about it.

    Ohhhh I feel surges of Joy!!!! Thank you thank you thank you for these lovely chemicals helping my brain feel good!

    Why am I such a shaman !

    Why am I sooo amazing and powerful.

    It feels like one life is not enough to contain this mystery depth amazingness and power.

    Maybe I can shift that .

    Fear.

    Heart squeezes.

    Hhhhmmmgh

    I love my feelings

    Mhhh



  280.  #281MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 5:06 am

    and pardon me for seemingly repeating myself lol it’s 5 am.

    I’m up from reflux 🙁 icky ewwws and ouch.



  281.  #282Heart on October 5, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Silver moonbeam – I feel curious
    Where you afraid of him?
    Seems to once again reiterate the sentiments of the main article…

    Leaning back, backing away etc doesn’t work if it’s a strategy or trick…it really is about changing your vibe…maybe he sensed your fear?…your fear of leaning forward…your fear of scaring him away?



  282.  #283Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 5:12 am

    No Heart, I wasn’t afraid of him at all, I am a pretty confident person. And I wasn’t worried about scaring him away either as I have my dazzling personality to keep them interested lol!!

    Seriously I was quite taken aback that he thought I was frightened……



  283.  #284Annie on October 5, 2012 at 5:12 am

    261: Tam

    Oh Gosh Tam that feels yucky to me.

    I had that with a man who took me out once.
    I had been at social occasions for a few months and danced and chatted with him.
    Then he asked me out on a date.
    It was a fairly fun date an by me leaning back and using feeling messages, he opened up loads and was completely himself.
    Running women down, making derogatory remarks about them being masculine, rough looking and being scared how they might pounce on him.
    A right eye opener.

    After this we just met at dance social occasions and he was ‘planning’ another date wanting to get to know each other better, which I surprisingly, still felt open to. to see what the message was with him.
    But then at the end of the night and we were not even on a date just at group social event and ‘not in a relationship’ another man who I have dances with and is an acquaintance was just chatting to me and he walked behind him and pushed him looking daggers at me.
    I felt freaked out and turned off and scared.
    I may have liked it a little if I really was his woman 😉 but this was different. Not sure I would have liked it in my imagination anyway.

    Any way after this the following week when we were dancing again at social even he starts rubbing his hands up and down my back at public event as if we were lovers and together, which we were not.
    And I felt myself freeze. No flight or fight or expressing in a healthy way I feel sad to say.
    Just freeze.
    And from that moment I believe we both just new something was off.
    As after that he backed off as did I and I gave no eye contact, avoided and no welcoming smiles as an invitation and he backed off.
    Whew, I felt relieved.
    Although do wonder if I will get that one back as I never expressed my truth with that one and let my body language do the talking.

    Still feel a bit creeped out, shudders, if I think about it, so my guess is I haven’t healed with that one and it will turn up again.

    Actually deep down I know it will and he triggered me.
    I am now able to consciously know that I was scared of offending him by speaking my truth as I was subconsciously scared of what had happened when he pushed another man who was talking to me.

    I believe he was indirectly threatening me by pushing him and giving me a dirty look.

    Gosh! I have managed to tell other men who touch me in a way that is crossing my boundary that I don’t like it and won’t tolerate that. But obviously am not able if I am scared of them as I freeze.
    That makes me feel sad. 🙁
    As I know that if I were in a truly helpless place such as being a hostage or like that would most likely be my best chance of survival.
    But this wasn’t the case we were in public and I wasn’t helpless.

    T



  284.  #285Heart on October 5, 2012 at 5:14 am

    #283 Silver – I feel smily after reading your response..:)
    Kay…Guess I was off in my interpretation then…glad to be wrong..



  285.  #286Daria on October 5, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Big sadness replaced my big happiness. I feel sooo happy. Giggling and so smiling, excited about vacuuming which I Love ! Yaaayyyyyyy

    Heheeee



  286.  #287Daria on October 5, 2012 at 5:16 am

    Ohhh Aaand… 🙂 I notice I have an excellent assimilation. As soon as I eat , shifts occur. Oh rolling my eyes back feeling teary



  287.  #288Tam on October 5, 2012 at 5:19 am

    Annie..eeek!!! 😉



  288.  #289MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 5:28 am

    Silver moonbeam

    I feel curious too…

    Were you leaning back, or pulling back?

    And hmmm…I wonder if anyone else practices this or is aware of the difference cause i’m having a hard time describing it this early. It too is all about vibe and I could see how a “pull back” could be seen as “frightened”.

    Can anyone help me describe this to SMB?

    Lean back-relaxed, breathing, shoulders rotated back and down, chin a little down. Vibe is? Like…mmmmm ahhh I feel very aware and juicy.

    Pull back-tense, shoulders up (i noticed for me personally one shoulder goes farther back than the other), kind of feels a little ohhh and woah gotta “lean back” now but really can feel it’s pulling not leaning.

    Meh. That’s the best I can do!



  289.  #290MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 5:33 am

    I went to the mirror and I imagined the man I love coming towards me with a kiss…Bam! Auto lean back.

    Then I imagined a man i’m not so comfy with coming towards me with a kiss…Auto pull back. I saw and felt very aware of the difference! The shift…The opposite energy. The “ahhhh mmmm” and then the opposing “woah there!”.

    Practice practice!



  290.  #291Heart on October 5, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Silver moonbeam- oh he could have just been a feminine energy man?

    But really leaning back on dates REALLY helps in making me feel cared for…Nearly all the men I’ve dated eagerly filled the space…I think you’re story sounds a little strange…



  291.  #292Heart on October 5, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Miss Bells – Very brave! Good luck!



  292.  #293Heart on October 5, 2012 at 5:40 am

    your story not you’re….lol



  293.  #294LiliBee on October 5, 2012 at 5:42 am

    Silver Moonbeam! 😀
    I feel so happy to see you!
    I missed you!



  294.  #295Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 5:55 am

    The only way to see if this man can switch from friendship to romance is to emotionally walk away. Tell him he’s right about the “friends” thing. Agree with him. Step away completely. That means no talking, no lunch, no dinner because you have to DATE OTHER MEN and you don’t have so much time in your life for a male friend.

    The scary part about this is to realize that he can’t, is not ready or is not willing.



  295.  #296Tam on October 5, 2012 at 5:55 am

    I feel happy and excited…I made 2 adverts on craigslist, one to offer language lessons, and one to look for activities partners to go boating.
    I love the possibilities for my life.
    I don’t need to wait for anybody or anything…I can go and be pro-active 🙂



  296.  #297Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 5:57 am

    What language Tam?



  297.  #298Tam on October 5, 2012 at 5:59 am

    295, yes FW, that is the scary part indeed.
    Or to see him fight with himself to overcome the fear, only to run again. Feels sad and a little hopeless.
    Oh well, onwards and upwards 🙂
    We are humans and we are all different. The key is acceptance and not trying to change people but take what they are willing to give, and stay aware that people come in and out of one’s life for a reason.
    There is no ‘flogging a dead horse’, or ‘leading a horse to water’.
    There is understanding, compassion and moving away when it’s the healthiest thing for us to do. Not easy but the only way.



  298.  #299MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 6:00 am

    FW 295

    love!

    I also think if a man really is just a friend in our own mind there is very little contact.

    I only see/contact/get contacted by male friends a few times a year.



  299.  #300Tam on October 5, 2012 at 6:01 am

    I don’t want to say Goddess Lily, as I am afraid to be totally unanonymous then….are you on Siren Island?
    It’s a European language anyway 😉
    One of the biggest countries..



  300.  #301Tam on October 5, 2012 at 6:04 am

    hmm..what if a man asks you specifically for advice and you want to help him but not destroy the romantic vibe and turn it into a ‘friends vibe’.
    How does one do that?



  301.  #302Tam on October 5, 2012 at 6:06 am

    299 – Miss Stix this is true both ways.
    My male friends keep in contact, but like once every 6 months…it’s only those that are romantically interested that keep in close (daily, weekly) contact, or at least that’s how it feels to me 🙂



  302.  #303Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 6:15 am

    Thanks Sirens, great replies as always and much food for thought!!

    Hello to all me old Siren mates from dear old Blighty!! ^^^^^ waves 😀



  303.  #304Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 6:16 am

    RE 301 – Tam I am learning to ask myself why would I do that? Why do I want to give a man advice about his life? Does that make me feel powerful?



  304.  #305Annie on October 5, 2012 at 6:17 am

    Tam says “it’s more possession than affection. ”

    I feel in agreement.



  305.  #306Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 6:19 am

    Well – what if “bitch” is just what happens when we stuff down our FEMININE energy? What if it has nothing to do with acting like a man at all? What if “bitch” is just our screaming Feminine using “bitchy” WORDS?

    Why “bitches” seem to get more attention from men than “nice girls,” and even when a woman gets labeled a “bitch” she also seems to get a bit of RESPECT from a man, is because, at least, the REAL Feminine is COMING OUT.

    It may not be pretty, it may not feel good to him, but he GETS that it’s REAL FEELING.

    We’ve all learned to be so careful, we’ve almost made it impossible for a man to see who we really are. We’ve almost made it impossible to be “Imperfect,” and so it’s hard for a man to feel HE can be Imperfect AROUND us. It’s a pretty complex system, and we HAVE TO TEAR THAT SYSTEM DOWN!

    Being “bitchy” is just not knowing the words to truly express your Feminine Energy in a way that a man can hear, and that feels SAFE, lovely, inviting and SEXY to him.

    To learn how to be a feminine “poet” instead of a masculine “reporter,” be one of only 10 women in my “You Get Love” Coaching “Gym” right here==>>

    http://www.coachrori.com/teleclass/

    Love, Rori



  306.  #307Iamabutterfly on October 5, 2012 at 6:19 am

    I have got to make myself eat breakfast!

    I broke down last night because I lost something important. Really important.

    In a stereo-typical-scatter-brained moment.

    and I felt so angry at myself, so unloveable (who is ever going to love someone who can’t simply “keep it together?” my NVs yelled at me.)

    Such a trigger for me.
    Losing things, messiness, scatter-brainedness.
    I hate that about myself.

    How can I love that about myself?

    I’ve been verbally put down so much by people I’ve been close to because of those qualities in myself.
    by my Mom and an ex-best friend.
    and I didn’t know what to say to defend myself, because I feel like I “deserved” the verbal put downs.

    “How can you take care of a husband and family when you can’t even take care of yourself?”
    My Nvs say.

    and I don’t know how to answer them…



  307.  #308Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 6:20 am

    Well – what if “bi!tch” is just what happens when we stuff down our FEMININE energy? What if it has nothing to do with acting like a man at all? What if “bi!tch” is just our screaming Feminine using
    “bi!tchy” WORDS?

    Why “bi!tches” seem to get more attention from men than “nice girls,” and even when a woman gets labeled a “bi!tch” she also seems to get a bit of RESPECT from a man, is because, at least, the REAL Feminine is COMING OUT.

    It may not be pretty, it may not feel good to him, but he GETS that it’s REAL FEELING.

    We’ve all learned to be so careful, we’ve almost made it impossible for a man to see who we really are. We’ve almost made it impossible to be “Imperfect,” and so it’s hard for a man to feel HE can be Imperfect AROUND us. It’s a pretty complex system, and we HAVE TO TEAR THAT SYSTEM DOWN!

    Being “bit!chy” is just not knowing the words to truly express your Feminine Energy in a way that a man can hear, and that feels SAFE, lovely, inviting and SEXY to him.

    To learn how to be a feminine “poet” instead of a masculine “reporter,” be one of only 10 women in my “You Get Love” Coaching “Gym” right here==>>

    http://www.coachrori.com/teleclass/

    Love, Rori



  308.  #309Iamabutterfly on October 5, 2012 at 6:21 am

    I feel angry again. I feel sad that I feel angry. I want to know why it feels more acceptable for men to be messy and scatter-brained than women. Like, how come they can be brilliant and leaders and messy and it’s completely okay?

    but if a woman is a million wonderful things, but messy, she’s disgusting, she’s a failure.

    why do I have this belief?



  309.  #310Tam on October 5, 2012 at 6:26 am

    304, FW, yep. I don’t want to, exactly. But what if a man persists and wants to hear my view on things and my advice. I can’t just say ‘It feels bad to give a man advice’, when I actually know a lot about the topic in question..it would come across as very weird if I was to refuse.
    So how do I handle ‘giving advice’ without it being unromantic??? This has come up a few times for me and I feel unsure about this.



  310.  #311Annie on October 5, 2012 at 6:35 am

    Tam,

    301: Tam says

    “hmm..what if a man asks you specifically for advice and you want to help him but not destroy the romantic vibe and turn it into a ‘friends vibe’.
    How does one do that?”

    That’s a difficult one.
    I would love to know the answer.
    Especially if our personality is to help.
    I believe romantically it will turn both us and him off.
    As no masculine energy man wants that from the woman he chooses to spend his life with.
    And as women we want our man to be able to do this without asking us.

    It makes us and him feel like we are mummying him. YUCK!

    So if he specifically asks.
    Well after reading doing Roris tools.
    It would feel best to me if I managed to catch myself in time wanting to answer in my habitual learned way to stop.
    Then slow down and tune back into my feelings around it, state how I felt, maybe what I wanted and then ask him what he thought.

    The vibe is the key though.
    As if I do this wanting to manipulate and get him to do it the way I believe is right, he will feel it.

    Where as if I do this from a place of well this is what I feel and would want but only you know what is best for you as I am not you.
    We then may not like what he chooses and may not believe it is the best and wouldn’t be what we would do.
    But we are not him.

    Not so easy to do.



  311.  #312Belle on October 5, 2012 at 6:40 am

    301

    Tam

    I just say no to giving advice.
    As a matter of fact, I found a journal entry from a couple of years ago, and one of the things I felt best about the whole day was saying “no” to giving advice to a man I was dating.
    It was an honest no and I can remember now still how good it felt to say no….ahhhh….easy.



  312.  #313Daria on October 5, 2012 at 6:45 am

    Tam – I feel curious about this. I would like to give some answers if you can give some more specific, even if hypothetical examples ?



  313.  #314Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I was just about to ask about the context Tam



  314.  #315Tam on October 5, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Thank you Annie and Belle…hmm….saying ‘no’ seems just such a strange thing to do. Let’s say I am an archaeologist and the man I am dating is digging out foundations and asking me for advice about what to do when he hits on an ancient monument or finds artefacts.
    I mean, wouldn’t it just come across as totally insane if I said ‘ I am not giving advice to a man’??
    This is just an example of the type of advice I do get asked sometimes, of a subject that I am knowledgeable in yet the man is not.
    In such a case I would consider it rude to say ‘no’…wouldn’t you??



  315.  #316Tam on October 5, 2012 at 6:48 am

    Daria and FW, great minds think alike, I had not even seen your responses and typed an answer 🙂



  316.  #317Belle on October 5, 2012 at 6:50 am

    I mean, I say no to requests to me for advice, not no to others giving advice, that would be giving advice 🙂

    Even with friends…for example,
    a friend asked my advice on repainting her kitchen, she didn’t like the color she had just painted it.
    I asked her,
    “How long did it take to paint it?”
    M: about 2 hours
    “How much time have you spent hating it?”
    M: About 3 days. Oh, okay, we’ll just repaint it this weekend.

    So she got to answer for herself, and when I’m not around she likes to tell me she wonders, “What questions would Belle ask?” to help her sort out her thoughts.

    I feel more relaxed with this dynamic.
    Giving advice, usually feels like “not equal” to me and I tend to gravitate more and more to feeling “equal” with others, it feels more like “true to myself”.



  317.  #318Belle on October 5, 2012 at 7:00 am

    314

    Tam

    I feel curious and wonder if the question about advice is revealing something deeper? Fears of being seen as “insane” and “rude”?
    Whatever is true for you is true for you – if you feel comfortable, then you do, and if you don’t, then you don’t.
    I wonder if it wouldn’t be very vulnerable to say, “It feels so good to be asked for advice on this subject and I like giving it, and yet, I cherish the romantic vibe I feel with you and want to preserve it,” or something along those lines.



  318.  #319Iamabutterfly on October 5, 2012 at 7:01 am

    @309 Tam – I feel curious about this as well. I had a date with a guy several years ago where he asked for my advice. I felt really weird having a man ask me for advice. but, I think he was just “thinking like a man.” I got the impression that he really wanted to get in good with me. He knew that he liked it when a girl asked him for advice, so maybe a girl would like being asked for her opinion?

    that’s the impression I got, at least.

    what do you think?

    how do you feel about that?



  319.  #320Iamabutterfly on October 5, 2012 at 7:08 am

    almost as though to let me know he respected me. I hate when I’ve been un-Rori like in the past, trying to get answers from a man about why he was behaving a certain way, and all he can do is sit there and tell me how much he respects me, when i’m in love with him, don’t care about his respect, just wanted his love.

    now, both feel equally important, oddly enough…



  320.  #321Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 7:08 am

    300- Tam

    I thought of that right after I posted. My apologies. Yes, I’m on siren island.



  321.  #322Tam on October 5, 2012 at 7:14 am

    318..lamabutterfly…yes, I believe also men sometimes ask for advice to make us feel special and that they trust us and see us as ‘intelligent’

    Goddess Lily – no no, don’t apologise, I felt flattered that you asked me 🙂



  322.  #323MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 7:25 am

    Tam RE: giving advice

    I love to say “Wow that’s a predicament.” and “hmmmm I really don’t know what to say to help you. And I do feel confident in you. I beleive you have the ability to solve this.”



  323.  #324MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 7:30 am

    First I had to address my fear of not knowing the answer… I believe it’s easier to shrug out of giving advice if we simply admit

    “hmmm I really don’t kniw the answer…”

    And this could be a GREAT lead-up to belle’s problem solving questions.



  324.  #325Tam on October 5, 2012 at 7:33 am

    322 Miss Stix – excellent!!



  325.  #326Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 7:34 am

    I feel torn down and hopeless.  The old lady upstairs told me she was praising me and my work to somebody and they said “you just don’t know her.”   She won’t tell me who it was that said that.  What have I done to people?  I try so hard to be nice to everyone and treat them how I want to be treated and yet there is still somebody (or possibly multiple somebodies) walking disliking me.  Then if that wasn’t bad enough, the old lady found out about my breakup and she said “have you ever thought maybe the problem is you?”  I wanted to scream “Of course, I always think it’s me and I’m not good enough.  Thank you for reminding me!”  I tried rejecting the negative interpretations thing, didn’t work.  I still feel horrible. I feel tired of trying.  Tired of caring.



  326.  #327Tam on October 5, 2012 at 7:35 am

    One of my really nice CD’s knows I don’t have a car and has asked me to meet him downtown….at a very nice place nonetheless…but now I need to tell him that no, i do not have $60 to spend on a taxi and no, I do not feel like waiting 1/2 hour for a bus and arriving there sweaty and dishevveled…the public transport here is very unreliable…eek.
    But then if he wants to keep on partying and I want to go home, I’d be dependent on a lift from him back home…hmmmmm….



  327.  #328Tam on October 5, 2012 at 7:36 am

    ((((Goddess Lily))))
    You are perfect, she is projecting her own problems onto you. Don’t get sucked in!!



  328.  #329Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Tam my thinking is if this something you know about and he doesn’t it might be a little different. Also I believe it is okay to say that you feel uncomfortable being his teacher because it feels too masculine to you. That you feel more comfortable being feminine. If he insists then I would find a way to tell him how I feel about the topic at hand. Then maybe add a body language kinda eww shaking at the end and say that feels so masculine to do. Okay now I am slipping back into being all soft and girly like. Maybe even make a gesture of switching hats and letting him know that is what you are going to do before and after.

    Yeah I know. I am silly.



  329.  #330Tam on October 5, 2012 at 7:44 am

    328..that’s actually good stuff FW



  330.  #331Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 7:45 am

    I know the old lady’s heart is in the right place. She cares about me and doesn’t want me to end up alone like her. But I could’ve dealt without her telling me about this person going around our job tarnishing my reputation if I can’t do anything about it. And as far as her being a mirror, that’s why I’m on this blog. To learn to be the best me so there’s no question when somebody challenges that.



  331.  #332Scarlet on October 5, 2012 at 7:49 am

    I am feeling rejected. I thought I could remain friends with someone who said they still loved me but was unable, at this stage, to give me the love I deserved and wanted. He now phones me twice a day and for a few days I have coped ok with that. But today, he said after the second phone call “I feel happy now I’ve talked to you’. But the fact that that is all it takes for him to be happy made me feel triggered. I want more than just to talk on the phone. Originally I said I wouldn’t be his friend because, although he continually says he loves me, he doesn’t want me and it hurts. But the problem is when I have cut all contact, the pain is so bad that I fall into depression. So I thought this way would feel less painful, but now I am not so sure. I don’t know what I should do now.



  332.  #333MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 7:59 am

    I feel on the ball today! Yes. 🙂 It feels like a big round rubber ball under my feet and sometimes it’s unstable and like woahhhh foreward, back woah woah woah but as long as I stay on top I feel proud and accomplished. Today it feels like dancing around on tippy toes on top of that ball and it is just moving and rolling and dancing to my tune. Yum! He11z yeah 🙂



  333.  #334Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 7:59 am

    Scarlet it seems he feels emotionally connected to you when he talks with you, Maybe that connection can grow? ? I don’t know but if you want more it seems to me that practicing saying “it would feel good to go on a date”. Or “I want to feel special, romanced, and pursued and I don’t feel that way with just calls. I feel interested in dating. What do you think?” Then listen to him . If he says no, then
    maybe “I really like you. Probably too much to be just friends. This is why I am not sure we should continue this situation unless you feel the same way”.

    This is a combination of Daria and CCarter FMs. Also remember that you can seek out therapy/counselling for the depression. A bad feeling situation in my humble opinion could make depression worse.



  334.  #335Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 8:01 am

    MissStix you have me rollling around with you on that ball. Feels like a circus employee but fun fun fun.



  335.  #336Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 8:06 am

    I want to turn my back to pain. I am feeling tension. numb pain in my breasts. Sometimes I believe it is shifting hormones but I don’t know.



  336.  #337bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 8:06 am

    iamabutterfly,

    306 ? i think ? i sometimes have thought my “klutziness” is a way that i neglect my self-care & recently as i had to pay a couple late fees in a row for things that i didn’t take care of right away i was also noticing myself asking if maybe i couldn’t love myself a little more by organizing myself a little in a way that feels good to me…

    lol i brought back my “trick” of keeping a physical to-do list in a ziploc baggie that has a little reminder about what i want to do & any time i get a moment i sift through the trinkets & see what i feel like doing & then i literally feel lighter afterward, since i get to dispose of a physical item lol : ) & it feels fun to sift through & organize the treasures, even if i don’t get anything “done” lol sorry i feel embarrassed i notice. but this feels good for me to do & helps me stay organized : )



  337.  #338MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 8:08 am

    ((((scarlet))))

    You are worth more than just being there for him to feel better. Being friends with an ex lover can feel very intense and it’s only “good” for us if we are gaining something from it. Some kind of learning, or growing.

    Have you released your feelings about this to him?

    A good start might be to say something like “I feel sad. I don’t want to be just friends with a man I feel in love with.”

    And even though the feelings are intense and painful cutting off contact may be what is best for you…Only you know. But if you do remain friends with him you will have to see it as a learning, a forgiveness, a release of bitterness and an acceptance of your feelings and a way to walk through them. If you don’t feel capable of seeing it that way, and do remain friends you could get stuck in a very viscious, painful loop.



  338.  #339MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 8:11 am

    I used my ex-husband. Yep. I did. I used being friends with him to show myself “I can do this! and I can forgive and I can feel this and I will be ok!”.



  339.  #340Tam on October 5, 2012 at 8:16 am

    So MrP and I managed to resolve our conflict and are on speaking terms again. Now I do feel a little sad that he is not making plans. On the other hand, I feel grateful that I am getting bombarded with invites for dates..dinners etc.
    Tonight I am going to a super nice place in a town north of here with EnglishCD. I feel good about that.



  340.  #341MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 8:25 am

    Tam

    And now that it is worked out, and he knows you need more direct communications…If he slips and goes vague on you, don’t forget this amazing little FM: I feel confused!



  341.  #342Tam on October 5, 2012 at 8:27 am

    Miss Stix, you are on a roll today, I feel a knowledgeable FM vibe from you 🙂
    Like it!



  342.  #343Tam on October 5, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Mind you, he is the master of indirect or ‘no’ communication and expects people to mind-read. Well, I was a bit like that too. Before I realised why (walls).



  343.  #344Scarlet on October 5, 2012 at 8:29 am

    Thanks for your reply Femininewoman and Miss stix, I have expressed that I want more and that I can’t be friends. What that has done is make him panic because he truly does not want to lose me from his life so he promises that he can step up and he tries for a few days and then is honest about that fact that he cannot and just wants us to be friends. So I don’t want to provoke him into promising what I know he cannot deliver. So the alternative is to say what I feel – that I cannot do the friends thing because of how if makes me feel, and then when he panics and starts promising, what do I do then? Not answer the calls? I don’t know if I am capable of doing that and it will be so painful for him to be totally gone.



  344.  #345Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 8:34 am

    I got an “I’m so sorry I didn’t call you and take yo with me Sunday email,
    sweet and chatty–
    “call me!”
    LOVE HS

    How he signs himself is a big indicator with him:
    Ciao–take care–Love–or sometimes nothing in that space.

    But NO mention of the actual content of the note.

    I am willing to see him. I would like to let him know my boundary–I’m not sure he actually HEARD it (not sure I said it exactly right) and I want to make sure he knows how i feel and what it will take to be in a relationship with me.

    I was going to call me (he asked for that insistently) and just let him talk for a bit.

    If he says he wants to see me–He can come to me.

    Then–just work the tools–especially the ones about focusing on me.

    When he makes a move for more contact:

    My feelings for you are too strong to be “just friends”. If you are being romantic that would feel wonderful.

    AND

    You are free to contact any and all the women you want–but if you do–it just feels AWFUL to me, and I won’t stick around.

    What do y’all think?
    I know this is a “moment” and how I react can change things. I haven’t responded yet.



  345.  #346MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Scarlet

    An example script:

    I feel sad. This feels very difficult for me. I don’t want to be just friends with a man I feel in love with.

    When he “tries” to step it up (temporarily-also something my ex husband did) your job is to lean back and allow it. You can express your feelings like this:

    “I feel so appreciative of your efforts to step up. I still feel confused and wary of trusting this, but thank you.”

    Keep on keeping on. Lean back. Feel your feelings and find your love for them. CD and keep busy. Remain open and be surprised and receptive of the good and positive. Feel it, sink into it. Release the FMs. Work through any difficulties you may have being receptive. When things feel negative. Feel it, sink into it and release the FMs.

    Rinse, repeat.



  346.  #347MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 8:48 am

    Scarlet

    PS. It’s all about you!

    How does that feel 😉 Be honest. It’s ok if it feels selfish or uncomfy. It’s also ok if it feels powerful and good.

    Important stuff.



  347.  #348MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 8:52 am

    I wonder what it is about today? I am in advice mode. Feeling knowledgeable. Hmmm

    I also want to throw it out there that we never have to have an explanation for our feelings. And I think, in fact, better if we don’t!

    “Why do you feel that way?”

    “Dunno exactly why. I just do…” I say this to G a lot.



  348.  #349Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 8:52 am

    You are free to contact any and all the women you want–but if you do–it just feels AWFUL to me, and I won’t stick around.

    I don’t want to be a girlfriend right now. I feel like being married. You are free to do what you want and I don’t want to put pressure on you but I feel awful knowing you are contacting other women. I feel my heart drop to the ground and so not enough. And I don’t want to feel that way with you.



  349.  #350Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 8:56 am

    Scarlet when he starts stepping maybe remind him about what he recently said and ask him if he has changed his mind and what he sees for you in the future?

    Maybe his timeline is different than yours. In that he sees you permanently together in 5 years but you can’t wait that long? Are you clear on your boundary around time?



  350.  #351MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 9:01 am

    FW 348 & 349

    Good stuff!!!



  351.  #352Belle on October 5, 2012 at 9:13 am

    323

    yes….!!
    I love love LOVE the ‘not knowing’.
    I feel so RELIEVED not to have the answers for other people!
    My friends get a kick out of the way I catch myself sometimes,
    “What you *need* to do is xyz…wait, no, wait, I don’t know WHAT you need so I can’t say for sure but one *possibility* that I feel all excited thinking about is…” I crack me up, too, because I feel all hummingbird energy when I talk like that
    🙂



  352.  #353Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 9:18 am

    (((Scarlet))))
    The answer the sirens gave you is also perfect for me.

    I my case there is contacting of OW. Deal-breaker for me.

    So–receptivity and FMs.
    And boundaries. And focus on me as center of my life. And leaning back.

    I think that is about it.



  353.  #354Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 9:27 am

    RE 340 Tam have you looked at the interactions through the lens of separating your issues from his? What were your issues that either fed into or created the conflict?

    That kind of introspection could help you build emotional fitness.



  354.  #355MS on October 5, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Scarlet,
    I’ve had a similar experience to yours, where I tried to be there for someone who was not giving me the affection I wanted, but assured me he wanted our relationship to continue. Every time we talked about it he blamed his emotional distance on his work situation or stress about his parents’ health. I tried to be understanding and we saw each other at least 4 times a week but this unhappiness I was experiencing by being understanding and overfunctioning while ignoring my own needs went on for around 6 months before I got to the point of saying that I needed to know how he really felt, at which time he said he needed time apart. Then when we last met he mentioned feelings of ‘deep friendship’ – at that point I said ‘no friends’ and was ready to walk away, but he persuaded me that he did want more and let’s meet again. I fell for it because I wanted it to be true, but I was back into limbo. Then the same pattern of disappearing for a while and saying when he texted he was having ‘difficult times’ and sorry for not being in contact. Eventually after another month of no contact I trusted my gut feelings which told me the relationship I wanted just wasn’t there, and words not backed by actions meant nothing. I sent him a note only yesterday to say I need to move on. I couldn’t stay friends because the thought of him being friends and meeting someone else and telling me about it would just be too much – could you handle that? It was very hard for me to cope at first because I felt a deep sense of loss, but I remembered how miserable I was being in limbo and realised it would just keep happening as per previous times if I didn’t walk away. It was very painful being alone at first, but believe me it gets better as you spend more time doing things with true friends or on your own which you wouldn’t do with him. I am plucking up the courage to circular date, and a few days away with a friend has filled me with feelings that I am deserving and will be my authentic self in any relationship. Look after yourself first, he can look after himself but it is easier for him to guilt trip you – that just says how little he is thinking about you while you are worrying about him. Hope this helps you.
    MS



  355.  #356Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 9:30 am

    Miss Bells – You are free to contact any and all the women you want

    I hate the “giving” of men this kind of idea/instruction. Most women who I know that do these types of things live to regret it. He will feel free to contact them and you will be surprised when he tells you that you gave him permission to do it. I have seen this over and over again.



  356.  #357Iamabutterfly on October 5, 2012 at 9:32 am

    @336 bloom-ing – thanks, bloom-ing! I think you are wonderful!



  357.  #358Belle on October 5, 2012 at 9:33 am

    Yesterday I had a fun interaction with a guy at work, it felt really good!
    He was standing behind me, looking at my a$$ and I heard him say softly, “oh, thank you so so much for not wearing those heels today,” (he feels really turned on by a particular pair of wedge heels I wear occasionally).
    I felt mischievous, and turned and said, with a grin, “Does D not give you enough to do that you can sit in here looking at my a$$ all day? I can call him, if you’re bored…”
    He said, “Hey…noo!! Wait a minute, I’m your friend!” as he hightailed it out of the office.
    It felt really fun to see him as being in “rascal” energy, instead of feeling threatened and scared and not knowing how to respond. It just came out effortlessly and I felt powerful and secure in myself and I felt this sort of “shoo! get on out of here with yourself!” playfulness that acknowledged, welcomed, respected, accepted and appreciated all of our sexual feelings and did…I dunno…*something* magical with them that left us both feeling good.

    These little acts, one after another, all day long, feed and feed the positive feelings and my self-esteem, they are what my soul has been hungry for, it feels like nourishment for a part of my deep inner core that feels like it’s finally “arriving”! Hello! I’m here! My awesomeness is here! Isn’t it beautiful, my inner beauty? Isn’t it lovely, this true me? Isn’t this whole “innocent love” thing so delicious and bouncy and bright and doncha just wanna do cartwheels now??



  358.  #359bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 9:40 am

    miss stix, i feel happy reading what you wrote : ) lol for some reason i feel kind of super freed-up actually & amused…. you “chose” a little different angle on my question than i originally intended & now i’m seeing other potential interpretations & i wasn’t aware there was so much space this around this, even just in the words…. lol, so i’m just sitting there. but thanks for sharing your perspective too : ))))



  359.  #360MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 9:45 am

    Belle 351

    Thumbs up sista!!!

    It is ok if we don’t have all the answers. We are still cool cool and worthy women 🙂



  360.  #361MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Bloom-ing (I think you’re referring to yesterday’s talk about men thinking about other women?)

    Sweet. 🙂 I felt like I was not hitting the nail on the head and kind of denting the wood, but wanted to express my views nonetheless!



  361.  #362Starla on October 5, 2012 at 9:51 am

    So I never texted Warrior back. I just didn’t feel like it. And then he texted in the evening
    “hey how is your week going? how is belly dancing?”

    and then less than an hour later “Guess what. I won a cruise for 2 to the Bahamas :D”

    I dunno. I was very clear that i wanted to be called. and I got this overwhelming sense like he was testing my boundaries.

    And ummm in general actually I am thinking lately like I don’t want to be dating at all.



  362.  #363Starla on October 5, 2012 at 9:52 am

    i got this vibe off his texts like he was kind of freaking out. and it made me feel powerful, cuz i usually feel kind of ‘ho hum’ in his eyes, like he could take me or leave me.



  363.  #364MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Belle!!!

    Yummy yum yum delicious! I DO want to do cartwheels now! I wonder if my old bones could handle it 😉 I might just try! Seriously 🙂



  364.  #365Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 9:55 am

    #356
    You are free to contact them but if you do continue I won’t be in your life anymore.

    He already IS contacting them. That is why I moved down here. It’s not a long ways to go from here to No Contact with ME.

    My words are to tell him that if it continues I will be absolutely gone.

    So, if he does–I won’t be there to know.

    We will stay broken up. The end.



  365.  #366bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 9:58 am

    “Pyramid Song” by Radiohead

    I jumped in the river and what did I see?
    Black-eyed angels swam with me
    A moon full of stars and astral cars
    All the things I used to see
    All my lovers were there with me
    All my past and futures
    And we all went to heaven in a little row boat
    There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

    I jumped into the river
    Black-eyed angels swam with me
    A moon full of stars and astral cars
    And all the things I used to see
    All my lovers were there with me
    All my past and futures
    And we all went to heaven in a little row boat
    There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

    There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt
    There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt



  366.  #367MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Starla

    First…Jeez! I feel curious how you feel about having a trip to the bahamas put “out there” without an invitation and in the context of crossing one of your boundaries (seeing it over text).

    And second I feel good to see you feel powerful and did not take his bait.



  367.  #368bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 9:59 am

    keep imagining myself singing a sexy song to my man & kind of dancing ? feels really really embarrassing to imagine but i love to sing & that sounds hot to me lol if i can actually do it without feeling weird…… hm

    my imagination is getting a workout these days… hm.



  368.  #369Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 10:00 am

    #356
    Not giving him advice or permission.

    Maybe I should say–It feels awful that you are contacting OW in any way–and I don’t want to feel this way. If this is just the way it is I am leaving.



  369.  #370MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:02 am

    So I did do a cartwheel! giggles. And I felt pain in my shoulders a fibrous tingles in my legs behind the knees. It felt crooked and awkward and a little oooofy! But it felt fun! and I wonder if I would feel less pain if I try one not in the morning…Maybe after yoga when i’m feeling loosy goosy and my center of gravity is lower and more anchored in my feet.



  370.  #371Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Any Sirens online?



  371.  #372Tam on October 5, 2012 at 10:09 am

    354 FW the interaction was based on non-communication and assumptions. And worse, I was the one who assumed only the worst…I feel gutted that I am still stuck in that fear of intimacy cycle of always assuming the worst. It’s ingrained so it seems.
    His issue was just ‘no’ communication. He didn’t want to give anything away, the meeting supposed to be about my stuff (well), but still, if he wanted me there he could have picked me up. I suspect he was being resistant to me ‘demanding’ to be picked up. I just said it would feel good…but anything that he sees as pressure, he runs.
    It *has* to be his idea, like the *I’ll get you from the airport* – if it is his idea then driving an 80 Mile roundtrip is ok.
    So the lesson I learn from that is: never assume anything, least all the worst.
    And to lean back completely and not even ‘suggest’ anything, even with feeling messages – won’t work with him.
    So that leaves me with only one option, which is to get back on my horse. I have a date every day for the next three days, with a different CD. I feel bland about this but it will be done.
    Actually, I feel sad.



  372.  #373Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:09 am

    you are contacting OW – this though is focussing on his behavior which is likely to create defensiveness, I believe.

    Maybe I feel shut down and turned off when I think of you with other women. I want to feel special and I don’t feel that way when it seems I am just one of a crowd. (This one is thanks to Daria)



  373.  #374Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:09 am

    you are contacting OW – this though is focussing on his behavior which is likely to create defensiveness, I believe.

    Maybe I feel shut down and turned off when I think of you with other women. I want to feel special and I don’t feel that way when it seems I am just one of a crowd. (This one is thanks to Daria)



  374.  #375Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 10:10 am

    I just found a message on my phone from guy who texted me this morning it was sent 2 hours ago, he said he is at home all evening and for me to call him when I am free, how do I turn this around for him to call me, we have only had a few mails on the dating site and a few casual texts, we are both in our 50’s not teenagers!!

    I feel good when the man takes the lead, I am free after 7pm or something like that??????

    I prefer it when the man phones first, I’m kinda old fashioned like that, I’m free after 7pm??

    HELP!!



  375.  #376Starla on October 5, 2012 at 10:11 am

    missstix

    the bahamas thing was for sure just testing me to see if i’ll respond.

    i didn’t realize he was that juvenile lol

    ((((((((men)))))))))))



  376.  #377Tam on October 5, 2012 at 10:15 am

    A man does what he wants to do and when he wants to do it and if that means he doesn’t want to see me he won’t.
    The irony of it is that I have men coming out of my ears right now. Literally. Phoning me until my ears bleed. Ah well.



  377.  #378Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:22 am

    I feel better when the man is the leader and I can relax and be a goddess. What do you think?

    It doesn’t feel good chasing you by phone. It feels good to let you lead the communicating. It feels good to hear your voice.



  378.  #379MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:24 am

    ((((men))))

    Ummm but yeah. Just because we love to receive does not mean our boundaries can be ignored entirely or even “tested”. It is damn near a direct insult.

    Could you imagine? “Bahamas what?”. (((starlas so not neediness)))) 🙂

    oi.

    I do love men. but jeez. :p



  379.  #380Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:28 am

    Starla I am not sure if it is juvenile. Some men fear that some women aren’t interested in “them” the human and are more interested in what they have or the material things they bring to the relationship. Afraid of being a rescurer and breadbasket and end up in a relationship with no romance and fun.



  380.  #381Heart on October 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

    Tam – I feel Mr. P is probably surprised that you stuck to your boundaries and is now trying to make amends by saying he set it up for you…hoping it will redeem him in your eyes…
    I could be wrong.
    Don’t beat yourself up for being angry…He was being a jerk.



  381.  #382Starla on October 5, 2012 at 10:29 am

    a lot of times when men tell me to call them i’m just like, ‘it’d feel great to hear from you tonight, cool. i’m at xxx-xxx-xxxx’

    lol.



  382.  #383Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

    He was being a jerk – Do you really think so Heart. I wonder??



  383.  #384Starla on October 5, 2012 at 10:31 am

    fw you might be right

    i did say clearly i was done texting (actually i said i was BOYCOTTING it) and that it would feel great to hear his voice. so at this point it is just a wee bit juvenile. and to pretend like he won a trip just to get a rise out of me… silly test.

    i am ALSO being a bit juvenile, because i don’t want to see him tonight.



  384.  #385MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:32 am

    Siren style:

    Mmm “I feel so much more at ease to receive a phone call than to make one!”

    Diva (maybe close to b1tch) style:

    pffft “I don’t like it when I am “requested” by a man to make a phone call. I feel adored when a man just calls if he wants to talk to me.”

    Needy style:

    Say nothing and just call and chase because we’ll take whatever we can get!

    Toying with this feels fun! Thank you Silver Moonbeam for giving a lighthearted scenario for us to play with! Have fun with this one!



  385.  #386Heart on October 5, 2012 at 10:37 am

    #383 – FW – He said he had to laugh at one of Tam’s commentd….and then he said it was a meeting not a date….

    Came across as unnecessarily Harsh imo.
    Of course he’s a free guy and can date/not date who he likes but still….his message was plain Rude.



  386.  #387Starla on October 5, 2012 at 10:38 am

    with the guys saying to call them thing, i just seriously assume i heard them wrong because of course the man calls, and give them my number and say it would feel great to hear from them lol

    you will find a lot of men actually ‘break down’ here. they will text you for hours agonizing to you about how you never called them, instead of picking up the f*cking phone and calling you.

    i feel a little at the end of my rope this morning, lol.

    like this guy who only calls after 11, and i haven’t had the chance to call him back in 24 hours cuz i’m busy. so he texts me while i’m sleeping “lame.”

    ummm YOU’RE LAME, guy. don’t insult me.



  387.  #388Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

    I have one man who tells me to call him any time. He also says “don’t be a stranger now” because I don’t call.

    Another doesn’t bother to suggest anything, he just calls. Sometimes he disappears for a week or so but he always calls.

    Another will disappear for months at a time but he eventually calls. He says thinks like my phone isn’t ringing as much these days. Or text I miss you.



  388.  #389MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Hmmm FW and starla

    I don’t know about the juvenile either…However I do believe (it looks like) he is trying to bait her with the prospect of a trip. And he could have phoned to share his excitement with her (if that’s all it was). It feels insulting to me. Mildly. Because I do have compassion for him and he probably is working on a sub-conscious level. Craving her attention and not having the male “toolkit” to get it in an appropriate way.

    To me this is the equivalent of me saying “i’m h0rny” to a guy, over text, after he has told me to stop texting him.



  389.  #390Tam on October 5, 2012 at 10:40 am

    381 Heart and FW, perhaps we can swap the word ‘Jerk’ with the word ‘obstinate’, which is perhaps more accurate.
    I did enjoy your post though Heart, because I hadn’t thought about it that way. But just the fact that he mentioned this meeting to me three times, and tried to set it up for Sunday first, makes me feel a little smiley…and a little niggly voice says that he did try to do some wheeling and dealing…he has been trying for ages to find a way of setting me up here.
    Particularly since I split up with the boyfriend who was going to marry me, I feel the vibes of ‘I am a little responsible for that’ coming from him and he has been trying to fix that, so far without success. So it isn’t too far fetched that there was something in it for me, but for sure they met primarily for fun…it was at a bar after all 😉



  390.  #391Smile on October 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

    He he, I just had a viewing for my house. When I opened the door I was instantly attracted to him, I felt all giggly and beamed a big smile at him. I lost the ability to speak properly! When he wanted to see in the garage as he has a motorbike, I couldn’t undo the locks, i could see him about to offer help, I just let him be my saviour without asking, then I said I’m feeling all girly and we laughed. I didn’t think about what I was saying it just came out.



  391.  #392Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 10:41 am

    Thanks ladies, I’ve just patched it together:

    It feels good to let the man lead the communicating, it’d feel great to hear from you tonight. smiley face

    How’s that? God that was scary ha ha!!



  392.  #393MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:43 am

    lolz

    Diva starla! I feel like doing the finger-snap-turn-and-walk-away reading you 🙂



  393.  #394Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:43 am

    I believe we are social beings and one of the basic human needs is connection. It might be juvenile or a silly test but I choose to see it as a cry for love. It seems counterintuitive to me that if I want love and connection others might want the same thing too.



  394.  #395Tam on October 5, 2012 at 10:43 am

    386, Heart, I now understand this:
    ‘He said he had to laugh at one of Tam’s commentd….and then he said it was a meeting not a date….’
    He was trying to convey to me that it was a meeting…just that…and what he didn’t say was that it had something to do with me….
    But it makes me even more smiley because this would mean that every other time we meet ‘is not a meeting’, i e it’s a date. Ha ha ha. This makes me feel pretty giggly now.



  395.  #396Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 10:44 am

    #391 Smile

    I had the same girly thing last week with a fireman that popped into my work for a talk, I was giggling like a teenager and I’m 59 ha ha, hubba hubba hubba!!



  396.  #397Tam on October 5, 2012 at 10:45 am

    anyhow, he is back in his shell now…and I am playing with the other turtles while he’s stewing.



  397.  #398Tam on October 5, 2012 at 10:46 am

    SMILE!!!! Yehaw!



  398.  #399MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:49 am

    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    mmmm girly giggles and clumsy feelings and yum! Hubba hubba!

    And I have a memory of witnessing an accident when I was single and there was this HOT HOT HOT fireman talking to me and we were flirting a bit and he turned around and his firemans jacket said “Naughty” on the bottom, over his bum and I giggled uncontrollably! I did not know they had there last names on the jackets. And when I found that out I was like “ohhhh my g0d! Even better!!”



  399.  #400MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:50 am

    *their



  400.  #401Mel on October 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

    ((((Men))))

    I have learned about my guy that he absolutely hates talking on the phone. I just mostly feel indifferent, so it doesn’t bother me. Personally, I feel like as long as the guy is stepping up, making plans to see me, and not making me feel annoyed by incessant texting, I’m okay without proper phone calls.

    But I know this is a personal preference, and I certainly wouldn’t feel good about a just texting, no actual dates arrangement.

    Starla, him ‘baiting’ you after you expressed your preference feels super twitchy and tense brow and frowny to me. Grrr Mr!

    BTW way, I like your OK cool… you can call me at 555-5555 response. Very rockstar! 😉



  401.  #402Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:51 am

    I lost the ability to speak properly!

    Smile that could possibly indicate emotional hijacking when you are flooded with whatever that creates attraction for you. It is something to take note of for cdating because it will likely show up again. It causes some of us to feel high and do silly things with bad boys that we regret later.



  402.  #403MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:52 am

    PS it was a minor accident 😉 No one was seriously hurt. Don’t wanna sound totally insensitive.



  403.  #404Goddess Lily on October 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Ha ha, Mr. Naughty!



  404.  #405Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Hee Hee MissStix 😀



  405.  #406Heart on October 5, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Tam – I feel skeptical of your interpretation. I just can’t understand why he wouldn’t tell you if he went through the trouble of setting up a meeting…He Would have to be crazy
    Shell? Maybe he went back to his mental asylum…too takr his looney pills….LOL!
    I feel bi!chy

    Anyway….you seem to be enjoying Cding! I feel happy to read that…



  406.  #407MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:55 am

    Ahem hem

    Yes. FW. You are right 😛 snapping back to reality here. They know when they have this effect on us too. So, feeling this and sinking in. Being aware. Acknowledging it. Getting cozy with it.



  407.  #408MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

    But I am still giggling. 😉

    ohhh. Best ever.



  408.  #409Heart on October 5, 2012 at 10:57 am

    omg…I can’t believe I missed out on the Jim episode!



  409.  #410CurvySiren10 on October 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

    I may be late on this topic but I feel really triggered about the “not giving advice” topic. I don’t get it. I am an intelligent, accomplished woman and my man LOVES this about me. He has told me so many times that my intelligence and savvy is a huge attractor for him. He values my opinion and often advice on things. He has also given me a ring and committed to a life with me. I have learned SO much from Rori and her tools; one of the greatest things being to be my authentic self in relationships. That often includes sharing knowledge, experience and know-how. I CAN’T pretend that I don’t have an opinion to make my man feel all big & important.

    What am I missing here??? Any thoughts are welcome. This is an interesting topic for me.



  410.  #411Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 10:58 am

    Tam I believe in treating/thinking of all men/people well. I am not saying I achieve it all the time but I keep that in the forefront of my mind. Reason being is that I believe “jerk” or whatever other descriptive we use in our minds towards men/people have a way of creeping out or affecting my vibe. I am practicing catching myself with those “descriptives”. The tartwords or oneupmanzingers have not served me well in my past love life.



  411.  #412Smile on October 5, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Tam,  my response to your message won’t send! If I delete even one thing it deletes the whole lot!

    I’m just gonna have tea, love how my routines are so predictable lol then I’ll turn my laptop on and type it up. It’s working fine on blog though.

    Happy Friday!!!



  412.  #413Smile on October 5, 2012 at 11:01 am

    Yikes FW thank you!

    I totally wasn’t prepared for my feelings. Hit me as soon as I opened the door!

    I shall look into this more.



  413.  #414Tam on October 5, 2012 at 11:03 am

    May I just say about ‘so-called’ bad boys or players, FW, that they usually turn me off so much that I am completely Rori-like in dealing with them…or even offstandish. I can smell them 100 Miles against the wind, always have done, and there is something about a Gigolo or Ladies man, that makes me want to vomit.
    I saw one of those in the bar yesterday, we have known him for years. On the beach he puss out his chest. In the bar he is hitting on anything that looks remotely female. of course he is married, and he once said to me ‘although I am married, I consider myself single because my wife works away this week, can I show you my $5 Mio house?
    EEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK. Ok, he is very good looking and charming but that sentence alone made me want to grab the next Martini glass and hit it over his head.
    How can any woman marry THAT?
    You can see it in him within the first minute.
    Pfffffff…I never got why some people are attracted to players.
    In fact, that was the biggest misunderstanding I had with MrP on our first date and the reason why it took us forever to meet again (I had no desire to). I thought he was a player too, but he is so not. And he had a really shy vibe…and I remember my intuition telling me that this is a sweet and shy guy, and the stuff he said just turned me off completely…he was nervous and his usual obstinate self ‘men like this, men like that bla bla’. All defense and front, playing the hard man. I realised after our second meeting that this man could never be a player even if he tried. He he he…he is too shy to hold hands. Jeepers, sometimes it feels like teenagers, honestly. Ugh.
    Not a player, no…at least this!! 🙂



  414.  #415Tam on October 5, 2012 at 11:04 am

    stand-offish



  415.  #416Starla on October 5, 2012 at 11:05 am

    fw again you’re probably right it’s just a cry for love, but i feel soooo wary of “interpreting” guys who don’t step up as just crying out for love.

    this is his own sh*t. He’ll figure it out. I told him how I prefer to be contacted and how good it would feel. Any of this behavior is him struggling with his own insecurity, and also feeling his own projection of how he’s kept me at an arm’s length in terms of showing me he’s very into me.

    He’s smart and I have faith in him that he will process this and ‘get it’.

    and if he doesn’t, no big deal.



  416.  #417Heart on October 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Do you Sirens think I’ll hear from CudG?
    I feel confused by his absence…



  417.  #418Tam on October 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Hi Smile…you know, I get speechless too when a really attractive guy stands in front of me all of a sudden…maybe it’s a little normal…hm.
    Aw, thanks for the message that didn’t send, how frustrating 🙁



  418.  #419Tam on October 5, 2012 at 11:06 am

    417, Heart yes I do but it’s odd that he always takes so long, eh?



  419.  #420Annie on October 5, 2012 at 11:08 am

    369: Miss Bells

    “#356
    Not giving him advice or permission.

    Maybe I should say–It feels awful that you are contacting OW in any way–and I don’t want to feel this way. If this is just the way it is I am leaving.”

    I feel in agreement with FW.

    Miss bells How do you really feel?
    Jealous?
    Disrespected?
    If you sink into this?
    What is it you really want or don’t want?
    Is it to share a man?

    Are you able to go deeper and then reword but make it about you.

    The last sentence sounds like an ultimatum to me.
    Can you reverse it?
    And you have already left, so that makes no sense.



  420.  #421Tam on October 5, 2012 at 11:09 am

    410 CurvySiren!!!! Yes, yes!! I agree. I have always been with men who were attracted to me also for intellectual reasons and we would debate and also on occasion advise each other on things that the other person asked to know…or needed input on. It never really sabotaged the relationships, to the contrary.

    I believe that ‘being bossy and telling men what to do’ (BAD) is different to giving advice when it is asked and wanted.



  421.  #422Heart on October 5, 2012 at 11:11 am

    well it’s the second time he did this…and I don’t get it….I mean Wow..what is he trying to show me with this pulling away?
    Is he really going to just come back and act casual again…

    Not sure if this is what I want….
    I like having space too…
    But I feel disconnected.
    I feel like he just left me hanging Again…
    Our connection is disintergrating…



  422.  #423MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Curvysiren

    This is great for you! If it is authentic you and it works then don’t change a thing!

    For me it’s more like…Giving him advice makes me feel big and important (or it used to) and I was actually fearful of not having an answer. And if I were “wrong” and told so I would just beat myself up and feel totally useless. I just simply feel more at ease if I remove myself from giving advice to my man at all. That does not mean I don’t share my opinion…And he is big and manly enough without my help 😉



  423.  #424Heart on October 5, 2012 at 11:15 am

    disintegrating



  424.  #425Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 11:17 am

    Tam that is awesome how you react to bad boys.



  425.  #426Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

    Starla I am wary too.



  426.  #427MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 11:19 am

    And I do not beleive “not giving advice” diminishes my intelligence. On the contrary…I think it is a testament to my intelligence that I can say “I don’t know” instead of searching and searching and coming up with words that sound more like orders (when advice is not solicited) or questions (when it is solicited).

    You should _____and ____ ____

    or

    Maybe if you ____ and ____?

    For example.



  427.  #428MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 11:20 am

    Believe

    My spelling is all over the place today! 🙂



  428.  #429Annie on October 5, 2012 at 11:21 am

    We give our power away to them when we focus on their behavior and not on what we want.

    I can so see how we as women are trained to focus on that one man and make him the center of our universe.
    And as an observer can see this going on Scarlett Tam, Miss Bells.

    I do it to, most of us do it.
    years of social training.
    It’s what we have been taught.
    It’s getting our focus back on us and what we want and the relationship we want rather than a particular man.
    And the RIGHT man for us will then come along and want to and be able to give us what we want.



  429.  #430Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Love it MissStix. I always wonder about this “insult my intelligence” line.



  430.  #431Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 11:26 am

    OK–it’s a date.
    He called me back.
    I told him I talked to Trailer Man and I know all about what happened… OOOOHHHHH he says.
    He is very embarrassed about the whole thing.
    I know THAT is over.
    He is definitely choosing me–but for what?

    I said the thing about ALL OW–match gals, etc.
    He said–well YOU are online and have the singles meetup group. I said–I was only there because you redefined me. I am willing to drop all of it. But only if it’s the right thing to do….for me. In other words, we are a couple and he drops all profiles.

    He said he was waiting for my call– but then “I guess I have to be the one to initiate contact with you.” Uhhh Huhhh.

    We talked about him coming down, but the HS house is STILL comfier than mine for the time being. And more private.

    He was talking all this work stuff. I said “do you just want me to come work? Cause that doesn’t feel good to me…”

    NOOOO. I want you to just come—I have a movie.

    OK–I don’t want to cook.

    I’ll figure out something–or we’ll go out.

    I said–It feels awful to be “just friends”. I really don’t want to do that. I don’t know what to do.

    What do you think–you don’t need to answer right now–but I have to tell you how I feel. Saying how I feel is the only way for me to keep it real–even if it’s uncomfortable.

    There were lots of long silences. I didn’t try to fill them. I said hmmmmm a lot.

    I said–I have things to do–I won’t be there till 3 PM.

    Now I have taken a soak and washed my hair. Maybe go to Bed Bath and Beyond and use my coupon.

    Then go up there.

    Breathe–sink-in–lean back— receive.



  431.  #432Tam on October 5, 2012 at 11:26 am

    427…yes, no ‘you should’ – that feels bossy.

    but when advice is expressly asked, how about a:
    ‘when I was in that situation, I did…., what do you think?’
    or:
    ‘if it was me, I might…..but you will know best as you have your own priorities’

    That is not bossy, right?



  432.  #433MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Tam

    Hmmm…. I like the first approach best!

    This is similar to the approach I think I have sunk into on the blog etc. I find this very hard to do out loud though…I am not a “talker” more like a space cadet thinker 🙂 When i’m really thinking and feeling and in a moment my sentances are very short. Kind of …”clipped” I suppose, is a good word. Although not abrupt. Very “thoughtful”. I probably come off as speaking from “within myself” a lot. furrowed brow and hmmmm and all! I can tell a decent story, I think, and converse pretty well with people I know. But I am still working on my shyness and my need to “exit left!” from conversations with strangers.

    Getting much better though! It is feeling less and less “forced” and more and more easy.

    And digressing! :p

    Both are good options for if your advice is requested! The second option seems a little more….Wave of the hand. To me. A little brushing-off…But could be good in the right situation!



  433.  #434Annie on October 5, 2012 at 11:41 am

    Scarlett, Tam, Miss Bells.

    As an observer I feel able to see that what is happening is energy going out to a man and making that mans behavior the focus.
    Making him the centre

    I do this to as do most of us as that is sadly what we have been socially conditioned and trained to do.

    It’s getting the focus back on ourselves and making us the center like Rori says. On what we want and the relationship we want not focus in on or making any ONE MAN our center.
    And then the RIGHT MAN for us will come along and want to and be able to give us what we want.
    And that is what Rori means by this thread and VIBE.

    When we chose our words and give these speeches we have to be at the place and coming from the vibe that this is my speech, this is how I feel and what i want.
    And not be in a place of needing and wanting it to be HIM that gives us that.
    He will feel it if you are coming from that place, that vibe.



  434.  #435Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 11:42 am

    #420
    Yes– I agree–I need to pinpoint exactly what I feel and say it.

    I did leave–He is pursuing me.

    If he is serious after I express my boundaries as feeling messages–if he is willing to meet my terms–then we can date and see what happens.

    It has to be romantic–not friendly– and he has to express this to me–and-I won’t share him with any OW.

    If that doesn’t happen–I am so far towards completely leaving that it will just mean picking up a small truckload of stuff.

    Right now–I will not pick up the oars.

    So– he has invited me on a date. We will spend time.
    I am willing to receive and be surprised.

    Maybe I will drive home later in the evening. If he offers the guest room I will likely leave.

    If he offers his bed–hmmmm- Maybe we could just snuggle. Not sure about that.



  435.  #436Radlove on October 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Miss Bells,

    433 – May I offer a suggestion?

    One thing I would change if I connect with R in the future is to not let him in that quick after I’ve been hurt. I would let him work for it.

    What do you think or feel?



  436.  #437Tam on October 5, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Interesting thoughts Miss Stix…believe it or not I am bad at face to face communication, especially feeling messages..and over the phone even worse, I hate speaking to people when I don’t see their faces.
    This communication stuff is a big and scary deal for me…. 🙂



  437.  #438MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Mills bells

    I’m getting this imagery of you, kind of centered in your world. And there is this faceless buzzing man coming at you and then retreating irratically…Like a fly. And sometimes you’re kind of shoo-fly don’t bother me! (in the image, not in real life)

    It feels neither positive nor negative. And I’m not entirely sure the image is a vision of how I think you are…or how I think you could be? Donno if that makes sense, but wanted to share.



  438.  #439Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 11:52 am

    #434
    He has been sitting there stewing for 3 days.

    And–been hurt–maybe, but I also have never been clear with him. I have not been honest about my feelings.

    I am will to try something new. But if he doesn’t lead–I will wander off and that will be that.

    If he finds a way to express deep love and appreciation and adoration–we can keep talking.



  439.  #440MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 11:52 am

    lol miss bells

    But I say mills bells out loud and it sounds kind of juicy…



  440.  #441Radlove on October 5, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Moonbeam,

    375 – I would say, “I’ll be around from X time to X time. My number is XXXXXXX.” Then just leave it at that.



  441.  #442Starla on October 5, 2012 at 11:57 am

    miss bells
    when i think of a “long time” i think 3 months, not 3 days. that feels about right to me. or longer.



  442.  #443Tam on October 5, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    I’ve got to change my vibe again. See, now I know why I was so nervous before coming back out here, because I just knew that I would feel like this again.
    Feeling longing.
    Ah, I was doing so well.
    Must work on my vibe.
    I choose to believe that MrP is peeing his pants because I am the love of his life and he just can’t handle that. Ha!!!
    And I choose to believe that all these men are breaking my phone with their texts and phone calls and I shall bill a new phone to Rori, because it was the magnet tool which caused all this 🙂
    And I choose to believe that tonight’s date with a man I am not at all interested in (sorry folks) is going to be so amazing. Because, let’s face it, it is amazing that I have been able to find a man who seems to be even shorter than me. Oh Universe, thank you, thank you!!
    It’s the dwarves night out. 🙂



  443.  #444Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    3 days is nothing in boy time



  444.  #445Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    lol Tam you are funny

    dwarves night out. Cool think that and fun fun fun and you are to have an easybreezyhotgirlvibe



  445.  #446Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Aside from that Miss Bells *you* are going to him.
    Translate – Making it easy for him.



  446.  #447Tam on October 5, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    443..hehe FW..I am going to be a hot girl dwarf…except now I am worrying about heels, I will be ‘dwarfing’ him…hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..



  447.  #448Starla on October 5, 2012 at 12:14 pm

    So I was thinking again that I want to withdraw from the dating scene.

    And I think a lot about what has been said here about the best therapy being dating and all that.

    And at the same time, I think that underlies a very deep neediness, like I can’t be complete unless I’m searching for/finding my Forever Guy, or even validation and entertainment from the opposite sex.

    It just feels wrong and needy. For me, at least.

    And I feel inspired to go on a spiritual journey. I want to fill my free time with meditation and time with loved ones. I want to become a Reiki practitioner. I want to develop my intuition further.

    I feel like I need to ‘let go’ of the boy energy that is running my dating show by being on dating sites and whatnot. I feel like that energy is actually preventing my soul mate from flowing into my life.

    I do feel faith that if i just ‘let go’ of dating, he will come.



  448.  #449Starla on October 5, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    i also want sex, and i’m not sure how that fits in there, but i have faith it will all work out perfectly



  449.  #450Tam on October 5, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    446 Starla, the more I CD, the more I feel like what you are writing there…but I am going to continue a bit and see..



  450.  #451Heart on October 5, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I had some cheap wine…now I feel chatty.
    I remember some post by Distant two threads ago ….I think Rori responded to her.

    Anyway – the man she was talkinh about – except for the age – sounded a lot like CudG…
    His longest relationship was 1.5-2 years and it didn’t work out because “he couldn’t give her what she wanted” ….He and the guy Distant was talking about used the same line…

    Anyway – we were talking about relationship- love- stuff and he said “he never felt that way about a woman ”

    I found that to be fascinating…and then I read this post by this Distant person and he sounds so much like CudG…
    There must be a psychological term or grouping for these kind of men…
    I feel curious….I feel like – wow that cant be a coincidence…
    Any info would be appreciated…



  451.  #452Starla on October 5, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    I feel like the place to meet men will be at social functions with friends, or in communities where i want to be more involved, like spiritual communities. Like I need to just stop ‘trying’ to meet men, and live my life and enjoy my friends and my interests and before I know it, he will show up.



  452.  #453Starla on October 5, 2012 at 12:27 pm

    Cheers, Heart 🙂



  453.  #454Tam on October 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    449 Heart, MrP also said to me once ‘we don’t want the same thing’ and he is ‘not sure if he wasn’t maybe meant to be by himself’
    Kind of similar.
    Maybe ‘commitment shy’ might be a name for it?



  454.  #455Heather on October 5, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Hi Rori,
    I am not sure I am posting in the right place but I thought I read to follow the most recent thread. So here it goes. I am unsure of what my next move should be, as I am pretty sure my ex will contact me soon. I read your e-book and have the modern siren CD’s. Circular dating is tough in my town, because it is small. I feel that I have already sampled any decent men here. I was trying it out via the internet, and that is how I met my ex. I quickly learned that he was not going to hang around if I kept seeing other guys. That only worked for about 2-3 weeks and then he started feeling rejected. He wanted me to be his girlfriend and did see a future with me. He told me he was emotionally available and not afraid of commitment. So I told him I would be his girlfriend exclusively. He was way into to me really fast. In fact I wasn’t really ready for the kind of pressure he put on me, but of course I was flattered. I had a tough schedule at the time and he was often frustrated that I didn’t have time for him or that I would turn him down sexually a lot because I was tired. He lifts weights and his libido was astronomical. I was working a lot and tired a lot. Then I always felt guilty. Also I was holding back, because I felt something was “missing” all the time. I was in constant conflict, but felt he was a great catch and I should try. He felt rejected by me a lot but really I was just trying to take my time. He is 39, just out of a 10 year relationship in which the woman cheated on him with a friend. He was deeply devastated, and I believe still is. He has been to counseling and does a lot of personal work. He works out almost every day. But he has no long term goals. That does bother me a little. He is doing this “day to day” thing.

    I am 34 and very much want a husband and a baby. I do have long term goals and dreams. At first he said he could see all those things with me. He was really sweet, loving, and excited about me. Then it all shifted. I opened my heart, stopped having conflict, and allowed myself to fall in love with him. During this time though we were having some arguments, mostly about me feeling too much pressure or not wanting to have sex. Or sometimes his bluntness would hurt my feelings, just about random things. He began to say he was unsure about a baby and his path, and worried he would hold me back down the road from achieving my dreams. He began to become conflicted about how he feels about me. He saw that I was becoming depressed, and I will admit I was becoming depressed, having issues at work and my self-esteem started to plummet. I lashed out at him a few times when I felt too much pressure. I realize this was a turn-off, but all this drama and pressure with him wasn’t helping, and I think he can be sensitive as well.
    Then we broke up and tried to keep “dating”. I waited for him to contact me and he did. He way backed off on the pressure and it felt much better, but we still had some communication issues. The sex however was improving as well as my libido. We slowed down on seeing each other because of the arguments and wondered if it was a compatibility issue, then tried one more time. I always felt it was just a communication issue. Meanwhile my feelings were growing stronger but he was becoming less loving and affectionate, but yet he didn’t want to seem to let me go.

    In a nutshell, now we are broken up for real, and he says he still has feelings for me, is very sad, yearns for me sexually, but “something is missing”. Yet he still doesn’t want to date anyone else or let me go, but he doesn’t want to get back together with me either. I can’t tell anymore if I still feel that something is missing or not, or if I even want a life with him, I am too emotionally wrapped up. I miss him a lot. I do know I care about him deeply and yearn for him as well. I want to know if there is any chance with this guy, or if he is just still too hurt from his last relationship, or if it is just over. At this point he has only been single from his big bad breakup for a year, when we met it had only been 6 months. I recognize I made some mistakes. I got needy toward the end and very emotional all the time. I am very sensitive. I am willing to and have been working on that stuff. Our communication has actually improved, we no longer argue like we did, but I think he has sort of lost hope for us at this point. I still have it though, but it hurts. I saw him last week and that was the last time. He is leaving the “ball in my court” at this point because he doesn’t want me to be hurt. He seems to want to be my “friend”, because he does still have feelings for me and I think part of him does want it to click into place. But it now seems my feelings are stronger, or more present, and I know I can’t be his “friend”. He says he can handle having me in his life and not being able to act on his attraction for me. I have a feeling he will text me or call in a couple of weeks to say something dumb like “I still think about you” or “care”, because this has been his pattern. Or he may even want to hang out. I am not sure how I should respond if he does. Should I try to rekindle the relationship at that point or just be done? Sometimes I can really imagine a future together, other times I can’t. My friends really loved him at first and everyone told me to go for it, then when I did it backfired! Now they say move on, but they always say that when someone is hurt. Everyone agrees he is a great guy, maybe just not great for me. But I can’t tell that right now, and it won’t register anyway unless I believe in whatever choice I make. I want to let go if I can find someone more ready, and/or just need to do more work on myself. I am always doing work on myself though, and would really love to just have fun and fall in love; and both people at the same time!

    Thank you for reading. This really was one of my shorter relationships, but feels very powerful. This is the first guy I met in a while who I really saw a possible future with.

    Thanks again for any help you can give me,

    Heather



  455.  #456MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    Starla

    I do like this way of looking at it toi! And I wonder why it feels like talking blasphemy!

    But I see a woman in you who loves herself and has good self esteem and your own way of being and it’s not “hurting” you. This other way you have…It could spit out a really good guy for you. Though it might take longer…Or not! I could happen tomorrow. But hey, as long as you are remaining open and receptive, and you have a good head on your shoulders to know him when you see him…Why not? 🙂



  456.  #457Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    I am going to go feel it out.
    I am going to have a nice meal.
    I am going for joy and pleasure,
    We shall see.



  457.  #458Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    #446
    Starla–that is exactly what I meant when I said I was taking my profiles down.
    I don’t feel the need to put anything out there.
    If they want to they will come to me.
    If they want to know if I am available they will ask.
    If they want to ask me out they will.
    I am taking the sign down.
    Let them figure it out.



  458.  #459bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    lol… i was going to give up online dating too ! cd was my “last date” i was accepting new online dates from… actually, he fell a bit after my “cut-off,” but i was feeling giggly over his message & it looked like he was out of town, so i just sent a little response anywayz. lol : )



  459.  #460smile on October 5, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    silver moon beam @396

    oo firemen, as it happens I have a trip to the firestation booked in for next friday afternoon! purely work related, but i cant belive the fire ‘men’ aspect of the day escaped my notice! thank you for reminding me! I feel giggly I wasnt focused on the men i will have chance to interact with.



  460.  #461Daria on October 5, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    wow Silver Moonbeam! awesome and personalized!



  461.  #462Heart on October 5, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Starla – cheers 🙂

    Tam – CudG and I have never talked about commitment …he was just telling me about his past relationships. He was in a commited monogamus relationship with her though….it just didnt lead to marriage..



  462.  #463Starla on October 5, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    aw bloom-ing that feels so cute.



  463.  #464bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    aw fxck it. that’s what i say.

    please help me ! i want to be easy & i feel unsure.

    awww my tiny brain just told me to buy a new journal & she promises we’ll work it all out…. mm i feel moved



  464.  #465Silver Moonbeam on October 5, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    #439 Rad

    I already sent the message I patched together, and it’s now 9pm here in the UK and he never rang. I would say it’s too late to call a person you have never spoken to before. He already had my mobile as he had given me his, and I did the RR thing of here is my number blah blah

    #458 Daria

    Not quite my own words, pinched off the Sirens….didn’t work but hey I am getting there as scary as it is!!



  465.  #466MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    My blood is boiling right now. I feel so angry. Heart pounding hard. Urges to cuss out one of my tennants. Breathe breathe. My cheeks are so hot!



  466.  #467bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    BANANASSSS wanna type BIG & SMALL HOORAYYYYYY WANNA JUST LEAVE ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MY LETTERS OUT OFF THE END OF THE WORDSSSSSSSSSSSS JUST HANGINGGGGGGGGGGG i’m imagining it like yelling

    YELLING YellING yelliNG yelliNg yellinggg that last hang-off from the echo…

    ANGRY BABY RED FACED HUMAN but i’m not ! i’m sitting calm & prim balanced on a ball & typing with the very tips of my fingers like the automated clicking of a I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MACHINE IS

    machines & numbers & math

    sigh

    RIP SKIN sadddddd girllllllllllllll what the EFF !? !? !?

    feeling guilty & i love my guilt.

    NOTEBOOKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! writing always feels like “the answer” to me…. sigh

    SOMEONE SAVE ME lol. awwwwww poor little human screaming awww i feel so confused by you ……. what in the world could you be wanting ???? ooh ouch the world feels tiny these days. the globe feels all squished & covered in trash & hollowed-out….. awww little girl…. easy girl, easy baby… time ? time passes… hmmm…

    “time passes, love waits” that’s something i read once & my college bf & i used to save it written down until one day without any ceremony or warning, he tore it in half to do something with part of the paper… i almost had a hear attack, but i didn’t say anything. feels happy for some reason remembering it…..

    i want to love myself well. i feel scared to. seems mean. lol ok. that’s such a normal & boring response to that. i feel annoyed at myself. hahaha ok ok whatever. i’ll buy you a journal & get you the belly dance costume. everything else is pretty much on you lol…. ok : )



  467.  #468Daria on October 5, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    oh no i feel so 🙁 to hear about sirens not dating

    i feel sad “nothing i can do”

    ‘i dont have the words’

    feels sad

    sigh

    im sorry im making you feel sad D

    im here for you while you feel this

    i support you

    i see u

    i love you

    tight heart i love my tight heart

    and pinched booty

    i love my pinched booty

    hmmmh

    🙂

    i feel more smily



  468.  #469Daria on October 5, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    im gonna keep taking care of me, and keep dating and keep putting myself out there so i can be seen!

    i don’t have to hide myself yes! or make myself harder to see.

    or cut off my favorite practicing and healing bringer

    or a way of receiving yummy fun

    ack i feel pushing against a membrane

    i want my thoughts from the other day when i finally got it about “marketing”

    that is its not lessening my value, its taking care of me,

    putting my goddess sphere somewhere it can be seen! a place of honor, an ‘unprotected’ not behind the wall place

    speaking well about her, creating beautiful words and images about her

    ah there was More i was getting about it

    and i felt like i saw it for the first time

    more on this



  469.  #470Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    ((((Daria))))
    Maybe we date differently.
    I am in contact with men every day. I am practicing with them. It’s just about HOW it happens.
    I am doing the things that make me happy.
    I am focusing on me.
    I am curious about the world and the people I meet.
    I have almost 5000 FB friends and 3000 fans.
    I just don’t want to “manage” it all, so I just let it happen.
    What you do seems perfect for you or you wouldn’t do it.
    We each have our own ways.



  470.  #471Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I am going to put on my makeup now. I am getting dressed for the evening.
    Off I go. An adventure.



  471.  #472Belle on October 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    410

    CS

    If it works for you then don’t change anything!
    That’s why I said to Tam, “Whatever is true for you is true for you – if you feel comfortable, then you do, and if you don’t, then you don’t.”

    Asking provocative questions seems to be my natural gift, I was just thinking about the first time I experienced it and it was so amazing. I didn’t know why I was asking what I was asking, or where I was going with it…if you’ve seen Limitless and heard the guy talk about how after you take the drug, you just KNOW what to do, it was like that.

    I always feel so magical when I’m in that space of asking questions and standing in the tension until the answer emerges.

    I feel a little amused, because for so long I wanted to be a midwife but more and more it seems like my path is to midwife possibilities into being. I’ve noticed that it is very very difficult for some people to sit with the tension, waiting, while someone else struggles with their own answer. I find it to be so exciting, and when I do sessions with people I feel so much joy and laugh and laugh when they arrive at their own conclusions, they always get so excited 🙂

    That being said, I’ll just put out my disclaimer that I have been known to contradict myself and do things I claim not to do…it’s a practice 😀



  472.  #473Daria on October 5, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    more, i want to remember from that way of thinking where it all Made Sense yes

    ok so im getting now that its a way of worship yes its not about outside or getting from/control its about

    letting it Be seen and maybe it came from the Harvard 1st world language thing

    i mean we don’t ‘need’ it right? ouch not feel good , its not about needing, we don’t ‘need’ anything k

    no its about why NOT give myself a new language

    why not let myself be heard in this knew language mmfffff

    i feel panicked that i don’t remembr

    i don’t remember clearly but i GET the message in my body yes

    i GET about looking good and dressing well i GOT it in that thinking

    and maybe it was about dressing well and how i want to dress well and when i feel not so good i don’t

    and why WOULDN”T I WANT TO DRESS WELL?

    WHY WouLDN”T I WANT TO BE SEEN?

    that DOESN”T make sense and there it is

    no reason to prove im complete or worthy by not dressing well ouch no ugh

    am i still worthy if i treat myself bad?

    no no

    that no feel good

    i am worthy!

    i treat myself good!

    i put myself and my beautiful sphere out where it can be seen, the Yummiest place

    ah still feeling sad im not ‘ermembering’

    ah i feel so panicked when i forget

    ugh

    i dont have it to share cuz i forget

    i KNOW it tho i GOT it inside yes

    i GOT why to market myself well

    dress myself well

    treat myself well

    i want MORE

    more ‘getting it’

    🙁

    sigh

    i feel so sad when ‘i have no words’

    i feel stuck on silent

    and powerless

    sigh

    when i have words i feel … radiant. powerful. easy.

    beautiful

    i feel sad, small, not dressed well now

    oh yes it was about SHOWING more of myself,
    like revealing!

    rather than even ‘trying’

    ‘revealing my feminine energy’

    revealing my grandeur!

    ok

    majestic

    yes this feels exciting

    🙂

    clap clap clap clap clap

    more more insight more



  473.  #474Daria on October 5, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Miss Bells – thanks for the hugs!

    i feel disappointed that a Siren wouldn’t use all her avenues to be seen!

    it also feels uncomfortable being ‘explained to’ i feel kinda tightened up with that

    so frustrated you’re going over to that man’s house also!

    🙁

    hope you experience lots of joy and healing that you desire!



  474.  #475Daria on October 5, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    Daria – I feel sad. can you tell me more?



  475.  #476bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    & my other bf “broke the cookie”…. omg we like never ever recovered from that fight. we baked cookies together & two hearts like melted together & he got mad later & cracked it in half OMG he was crying so hard. aww i can’t believe they let the babies fall in love like that….. eeeeeee sad girl in the kitchen… & that was the last time i got turned on by kissing him….. we like never even kissed again really. what a sad end to a happy relationship. so so so much hurt. he literally told me he couldn’t make space for me in his life like i wanted because he was “becoming a man” awww how sweet…. he wanted us to remain together, but just not “date” like actually go on many dates or spend much time together ? sigh. i feel so glad to not live with that man, though i feel lots of gushing love toward him & also sadness that we aren’t friends anymore. & also i suppose a tiny bit guilty or reverse-jealous or something about giving my ex so much attention in my mind, BUT ! it’s all “Just stories” & i think about him just about as often as i think of everyone else i know. lol “just taking inventory” comes to mind & i just remembered that yesterday i decided to actually STOP taking inventory of my brain & memories, because that leads to story-telling & analyzing & assuming… & instead, i can take each fresh moment as it’s own unique Practice, & here i am doing it ! hoorah ! i’m Practicing Practicing – i’m practicing my Practice – do do do round round round feelings, like safe, like “we know where this is going” mmmmmmmmmmm tiny tiny humans i love you all SQUEEEE i hug you even though my arms are small, i hug everyone all the way around lol yummy i feel like i’m made of stretch-goo like those old dolls hehe…. mmmmmmmmm I LOVE YOU : ))) hehehe : )



  476.  #477Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Daria
    sometimes I feel TOO seen.
    Overwhelmed.

    I am going to look-listen-feel- and speak my feelings.

    I expect to be treated like a Queen!

    He did offer to come here–but I am still in disarray and need my private space to be mine alone for the time being.

    If he EVER gets to be with me in my turret he will be a lucky man indeed.

    I am so new to actually expressing my feelings.
    Rori says they can turn on a dime when you really do “you” in a completely authentic way.

    Maybe I haven’t inspired him up till now.
    Maybe this is a tremendous opportunity to heal me and get the relationship I want.

    If he still doesn’t step up–I will know what to do. and it won’t be stand there and beg him–or wait silently in the shadows. It will be to move on with my heart.



  477.  #478Miss Bells on October 5, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Facebook alone could take 8 hours a day if I let it.



  478.  #479bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    i’m seeing a bit how weird i am. i feel afraid to trigger people, but i just want to try to say this & see how it feels or if it feels true.

    a lot of the time, around many men, i have felt “irresistible,” even around taken men, even when i was taken.

    i have felt that if i allowed at all, it could have been “on” YET i also do feel that always, i never ever ever gave even Yellow Light on that…

    & i don’t trust other humans with “that kind of power”

    oh ok, that’s not so scary. i mean, it’s flipping TERRIFYING lol, but a lot of it is just, ok, well trust yourself & trust your man, & trust all the humans anyway – who cares, right ?

    right ! that’s my “easy way” go-to answer, right ? “aw, who cares ? you can’t MAKE anyone “behave” eh ? so just assume everyone’s already doing what you want & then when they aren’t you can choose your move.

    awww WEIRD

    ok well if that’s so easy then, what about my poor skin ? ouch awww baby i don’t know why we do that…..



  479.  #480Tam on October 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Jeepers, men everywhere here..one just flirted with me as I came out from the gym, me sweaty, him in suit… I said that I apologizse and feel soo bad to be all sweaty and him having to share the lift with me..he says: ‘you are obviously from England’
    Tam batting eyelashes and saying ‘kind of’…
    He was asking me all sorts of questions and then had to get out…just as well as I have too many CD’s as it is, hmmm but he was niiiiceeee….
    It’s raining men..every specimen…la la la la



  480.  #481Belle on October 5, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    I’m feeling defensive and feeling the need to explain myself and
    “fix” the perceived “contradictions” and do damage control
    I feel a wave of shame in my belly
    I feel scared
    what if I’m not good enough?
    good enough for what?
    for life
    well, what if?
    doesn’t make sense does it
    no
    ooooohhhh
    people can see my flaws
    want to cover them up
    quick quick!
    make excuses for them
    explain them
    oh sh!t! she’s not perfect!
    shame

    show me this pattern…
    a big golden cave
    do you want to change?
    the entrance collapses
    a whole friggin reality tunnel just collapsed!
    how interesting, I just thought of a woman I hadn’t thought of in ages, and of getting in touch with her.
    (wake up! and be a beneficial presence on the planet!)



  481.  #482Starla on October 5, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Everything’s gonna be ooookay:)



  482.  #483Daria on October 5, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    ok.. one message is to just sink into my sadness for now

    hmmmh



  483.  #484Daria on October 5, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    ok i want to feel flooded and joyed with lots of inspirations and actions of mine to ‘market’ myself and put myself out in this way i ‘got’ that nite that feels good

    i feel scared ill just keep sinking and feeling sad and i waon’t get swept up by this wave i want!!

    booohooo hooo hoo

    🙁

    panicked feeling Daria i love you



  484.  #485smile on October 5, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    aw strummingman is poorly 🙁

    He has arranged to see me lots. He rang to say he wishes he had me to take care of him right now, he complimented me on how caring I am as a person and this makes him feel good. He described what a scene in our living room would look like together. He talked about lots of plans he wants to do. He said smile, your always happy! your such a happy person, it makes me feel happy to be around you. He is coming round next Friday, he can’t eat well at the min as he’s poorly so he’s offered to take me out week after for that! oo it would feel great to get dressed up and eat out!



  485.  #486bloom-ing on October 5, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    weird weird weird. i don’t have any problems, but my mind keeps making them & packaging them, & piling them up in front of my door…. hmmm……

    ahhhh ! i have a big AH HA

    that’s that same thing about the marianne williamson quote ? am i saying her name wrong ? anywayz. the girl who says (paraphrasing) not afraid of FAILURE, afraid of Power. hm, sure, i “buy it” … & that makes sense why i would just get overwhelmed by that energy — because it really is already everywhere !!

    everyone already is entirely irresistible, like magnets, lol awww i love magnets ! aww it’s ok little girl…. i promise it will be ok. if you get pulled one direction, it will be ok; if cd gets pulled one direction, it will be ok. for right now, why don’t you just do yourself an imaginary favor & picture it like 2 cute magnets stuck together 4lyfe : ) lol : ))) yayyyy



  486.  #487Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    still not sure why i feel so triggered. thank you for the trigger tho.

    it feels great to feel so panicked and triggered lol.

    im getting a chance to be with my feelings

    also looking forward to taht wave of insight and creativity that i know is coming



  487.  #488smile on October 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    sirens, how would you respond to a man who said “I found the love of my life but I messed up…”
    I would love to hear what you think?



  488.  #489Heart on October 5, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    Yup I’m very tipsy now…
    Would feel blissful if magic could rain down on Siren island….and we could all find our soul mates….and we could all feel adored and cherished and cared for…and loved…
    and men would just be into us and faithful and magicians and kings and protectors and providers and men…
    and there would be white horses or magic carpets or whatever you’re into…
    and we would never have to feel sad or abandoned or jealous or not good enough or afraid…

    all that would be so beautiful…
    I feel happy sad.



  489.  #490smile on October 5, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    heart, sounds lovely



  490.  #491Tam on October 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    oohhh Smile, is that what he said???? That he found the love of his life but he messed it up???
    Ooooooooooooohhhhhh…I feel all warm, happy and excited reading that. Nobody has ever said anything like that to me…aw aw aw.
    How special!!



  491.  #492Heart on October 5, 2012 at 2:15 pm

    #485 Smile – you cant mess up with the right woman? …



  492.  #493Femininewoman on October 5, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    Smile maybe just (hand over heart) aaaaawwwwWw



  493.  #494smile on October 5, 2012 at 2:30 pm

    I responded by not saying anything actually, just smiled (I know he could feel this down the phone) and kind of made a nice noise with my breathing. Hard to make the noise on the blog, but My heart felt warmed.
    night sirens x



  494.  #495smile on October 5, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    P.s Tam you’re such a magnet!



  495.  #496MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    I feel blah flat right now and “I don’t care anymore” and “whatever”. Talked to moms. She’s awesome and very cool and I love her. And she says a man actually wants to buy the building and if we can get 850 K for it what do I think? And I said SOLD! and now I feel giggly because I would love to “let it go” and just buy me a little one bedroom and loft and live in lonesome bliss!



  496.  #497Tam on October 5, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    Why do I feel like a failure right now?
    I feel sad and hopeless and like I have been unable to change the old patterns by blaming. Pretending in feeling messages but the blame was there.
    I now feel that I am to blame for the push/pull and hot/cold and I have the urge to fix it, but it’s not fixable and it’s not my place.
    I feel inadequate and sad and sorry that my issues got muddled up again with his and the mess is perfect. I feel exasperated and hopeless for this to ever change.
    Stuck.
    Stuck stuck in this pattern. Forever and ever.
    Well, at least I tried to change something.
    (((((me)))))



  497.  #498Radlove on October 5, 2012 at 2:42 pm

    Today I got a certified letter in the mail. My lease ends October 31st, and I am required to leave by then. As it stands now, my only option is to stay in the basement of my friend 2 hours away. which is 3 hours away from my friends, family, and church.

    I dread moving and packing. I dread dealing with my nasty landlord. I feel heavy hearted and overwhelmed. I feel heavy hearted.

    On the bright side, I got calls for 6 new technical writing positions.



  498.  #499Tam on October 5, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    The other thing that made me feel super sad was just seeing that my exbf is on POF and how he has changed. He looks grotesque to me and I just felt sad, he looks very skinny and he must have died his hair from grey/blonde to dark brown..he does not even look like himself and I barely recognised him.
    He looks weird.
    (((((exbf))))) you’re a good man.



  499.  #500Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    wow Radlove ! 6!



  500.  #501Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    i feel kinda sick from the position im sitting in

    i will feel better after i do my movements

    i don’t want to do my movements yet

    i feel SAAADDDDDD
    because of my secret thing

    ok because i set my intention to be feeling Happy to call and say Happy Birthday to my Godson on Sunday and

    i still feel kinda sad, scared triggered

    wayyy better but still feeling angry and ahead of time pist and… this is a pattern

    ((((Daria))))

    thanks horse im healing



  501.  #502MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 2:47 pm

    But now I feel kind of NOOOOO I put my blood, sweat, and tears into it and it’s mine and you can’t buy it humph. Even if some silly girl is a pain in my rear.



  502.  #503Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    Daria

    you let me down a lot but youre also there a lot

    youre just not good enough for me

    but youre all i got

    i feel stuck with you i feel frustrated

    sometimes i dont want to live with you

    sometimes i feel ecstatic to be living with you

    i want to have you NEVER let me down what you think?



  503.  #504Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:49 pm

    I think i can’t do that

    ok then I don’t want you. I want to be someone who NEVER lets me down actually

    so im gonna lean back and take care of myself



  504.  #505Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    ok I can do it, i can NEVER let you down

    hmm you’re lying just so you can be close to me

    i know i am im desperate please dont leave me

    ok i won’t

    im taking you with me



  505.  #506MissStix on October 5, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    My happy bedroom with the deep dark hardwood I layed with my own hands. purple and black and silver. I could paint again…I could do it all again? I dunno. So much work. Only one place though…Not 3. The whole thing would be just mine and owned outright. Oh that might feel nice…I will never live with a man again? Whaaaaaat? Why do you say that brain? Well…This man I love, he ain’t movin into a place you own. Urrrrrrggggghhhhh why do I believe this even still?



  506.  #507Annie on October 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    sigh.
    Oh Joy.
    I felt rage been bubbling for a few hours then bam.
    Out it came.
    No catching it for me today.
    Nope out it came.
    I feel glad I wasn’t on the receiving end of it.
    Oh well it is what it is.
    So now what?

    Projected thought expressed as feelings at me.
    I feel you are rude.
    I attacked big time.
    Not at the thoughts of me being rude.
    I don’t care too hoots if anyone thinks I am rude.
    grr but how can someone say ” I feel you are rude” That’s their bleeding thoughts, projections and judgments about me not their feelings.
    I wanted to attack so badly and did.
    So when challenged then admitted that they were angry because they thought I was rude.

    I feel open to hearing that.
    Only thing is I really do not care that they think i am rude and apparently I should.
    I just wanted to lash out, doesn’t feel good that I hit the point of no return though and didn’t catch it in time.

    I wanted to push them away.
    I didn’t want them anywhere near me.
    Shouted for them to get out
    OMG I wished them bad.
    I hoped they got cold and wet and chocked on their food.
    WOW. I really meant it too.

    Reality I am not nice!

    I feel calmer now they are nowhere near me.
    Such rage.

    WOW.

    I feel a bit shaky inside.

    And breath.



  507.  #508Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:53 pm

    I don’t like myself very much



  508.  #509Daria on October 5, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    I don’t LIKE being with my feelings i don’t want to

    ok i WILL feel better after i do my movement stretches

    wwaaaaaaaaaaaaaah booty tight i dont WAAAAAAAAAAAANT TOOOOOOOOOO

    i love your tantrum

    how are you feeling

    DESPERATEEEEEEEEe

    i love my desperation