Beautiful Quotes For Love And Pain

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ribbonheartI read science fiction. I read science fiction, fantasy romance. It’s my favorite way to find inspiration. I also pretty much only read female authors — (Though I do read Orson Scott Card, having adored his Ender series for those of you who are a bit geeky like me….and Asimov…)

The series of four I’ve just finished, by Lois McMaster Bujold — “The Sharing Knife,” is full of beautiful images, characters and dialogue. I usually forget to write these down, but this time I saved the page numbers, and let’s use them to start talking about things and developing some tools around them.

Reach For lightness, bright spark (the hero of the story calls the heroine “Spark”). You do not betray your sorrow to set it aside for an hour. It’ll be waiting patiently for you to pick it up again on the other side.

Time wears grief smooth like a river stone. The weight will always be there, but it’ll stop scraping you raw at the slightest touch. But you have to let the time flow by; you can’t rush it.

What I love about these is the idea that you don’t have to live by your pain.  If you are in pain, you don’t have to haul it around with you everywhere — and you don’t have to give it up, either.  It can stay with you as a “weight,” but you can put it down and pick it up at will. You can look forward to an end to the “scraping,” no matter how long you carry the “weight.”

And that, although the pain may feel “dark” – you can still “reach for lightness,” rather than give in to the consistent dark voice.

I think pain adds to our sense of the profoundness of life.  It makes us deeper, it makes us feel as though we’re deeper, it makes us feel more deeply, and feel more deeply for others who are in pain.  This is not a small thing, or something to be sniffed at or dismissed.  It’s something to love yourself even more for, not beat yourself over the head for.

So – some of us make pain our calling card.  It may be what links us to other people,  what identifies us to ourselves.  It may be the identity we go by — “I am a person who comes from pain.”

And some of us stuff down our pain and make ourselves the opposite — the cheery, upbeat, stronger than anything, energizer bunny who looks down on our moments of “weakness” and vulnerability and beats ourselves up for not being able to “move on” whenever we stumble.

Some of us steer ourselves deliberately or subconsciously into pain over and over again, because we’ve been unable to experience and accept our old pain.

And some of us, if we work it out for ourselves,  just see pain as part of the picture, and can weave in and out of the experience of pain and joy as if they are experiences to experience — while STILL reaching for the lightness of joy, and PREFERRING the experience of joy just because it FEELS good.

If we’re  fortunate this way, we get to hang out in joy much of the time, still with the weight of pain — ours, our loved one’s, the world’s — in our pockets and our hearts just bringing us deeper, but not into darkness. We get to be bigger, this way…more stretched out.  Reaching for the light, living in the light, and living in the deeps, too.


I’m already as full of joy for you as my body can hold, and there you go and put more in. Downright wasteful, I say. It’s just going to spill over…

Just a plain-old lovely thing for a man to say to a woman…


He wasn’t sure if it was worse to be loved yet not valued than valued but not loved, but surely it was better to be both.

I thought this was a huge truth about what many of us feel.  We felt valued for our contributions, our potential, our abilities — but love always felt conditional that way.  And so we keep looking, unaware, for a man who demonstrates this, too — exhibiting our abilities, showing our potential, offering our contributions — and yet yearn to simply be loved — for nothing.  Nothing at all.  Just because.  Just because he loves us.

And…you can have that.

As long as we go around trying to get love by offering our value, we will never believe we are loved for nothing.

Today…try going around being aware of what you’re offering. See what it feels like to offer nothing.  See what it feels like to do nothing but respond, and see what happens.

I love you for no reason…I just do.  And it makes me happy to love.

A man feels the same way.  Believe it, and let me know how it goes.

Love, Rori

Posted in


  1.  #1alias girl on September 22, 2009 at 6:02 pm

    i feel overwhelmed with gratitude to be loved for nothing. but i also feel thrown off balance. like certainly i must start Doing something. i feel weird to be loved. sincerely. it feels foreign . i feel good about experiencing this new way though. i feel curious how easy it is for a man to love a woman.

    thank you rori for such a lovely little wonderland of quotes and prose and love all woven together.

    i feel so grateful.

  2.  #2Linda on September 22, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    I have come to accept pain and joy as equally important. Good, bad, happiness, sadness, accomplishment, failure… they all have their place. Each creates. Each an opportunity to learn and grow. I used to be self loathing. When things turned sour or out badly for me I w ould be so angry, or blame.. not others but myself. If I had only shut up or not done that… yada yada yada. I put such pressure on myself to be perfect, say just the right thing, do just the right thing…. how nieve of me. I wanted to avoid pain. Dont we all?….. 50 years into this life of mine I have now come to realized that no matter how hard I try I just cant be perfect, say the right thing, do the right thing all the time. All my failures and successes are mine. They make me who I am today. I have learned the value of embracing all my experiences, every last one of them. I love who I am now in all my successes and my failures. I allow myself to try and fail and succeed.., I dont have to be perfect anymore… I give myself grace to try again and learn. \

    I feel like the velveteen rabbit somedays. You know you are real when you worn, tattered, an eye loose.. stitching coming out… and fur rubbed and ruffled. Life is messy…painful and joyful. I wanna be real! I love all of me…. tatters, blunders, pain, triumps and joys… and all.


  3.  #3Linda on September 22, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    I want to give and be given the gift of being loved just because. …… what a wonderful thought and goal.

    I think I will start with myself.


  4.  #4tinque on September 22, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    “pain adds to our sense of the profoundness of life. It makes us deeper, it makes us feel as though we’re deeper, it makes us feel more deeply, and feel more deeply for others who are in pain.’

    I love this. So true, yet it’s an acutely sensitive place from which to live, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
    The more open you become, the more you can feel, but that means all of it, pain yes, bliss oh yes. 🙂

  5.  #5gina on September 22, 2009 at 9:05 pm

    I feel pain about the disconnect between me and my dad. i feel his love so completely, but I sense that I don’t satisfy his needs when it comes to love. I sense that my mom doesn’t either, but it seems like he is somehow more comfortable lavishing love on me and expressing his need for attention, and even more willing to be “rejected” by me. I don’t even like talking about it. I feel a ton of gratitude, and love for my dad. I think he’s the greatest. I’m so proud of him. i like people to meet him cause I just know they’ll love him. But I feel comfortable with my mom cause we have “an understanding.” we don’t say I love you, but at the end of every conversation, she says “see ya.” and I know she means “love ya.” when I have a problem, she’ll analyze it and get back to me. She cooks vegetarian versions of meals just in case I stop by the house. Those are all expressions of love I’m super comfortable with. And when it’s mothers day, a birthday, or Christmas, I make her some kind of a craft, and she appreciates the time, effort and thought I put into it, and she know’s it’s an expression of my love. But with my dad, we feel unsatisfied by eachother’s expression of love. and I don’t know if it’s something I want to “fix” or change. I feel pain about it though. I dunno. I feel sorrow. i have tears streaming down my face. I’ve always had a super tender spot for my dad and the way he loves me, but I don’t like to show him – it just feels like too much. And I think I’m uncomfortable loving a man who I’m not romantically involved. i guess it’s the erotic component of the relationship that I’m aware of and I feel uneasy. that feels weird to admit. but it’s part of the truth.

  6.  #6Tracy on September 22, 2009 at 10:43 pm

    This post feels really deep…..I never quite thought about being loved for nothing…but then again i am coming from a place where i have always felt the need to give in order to receive….
    I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it…i feel exposed allowing it to happen…i feel like crying….sounds really deep….
    I feel that i have tried to run away from pain all my life…i felt as though it was a bad disease i wasn’t supposed to contract…I tried to be religious in order to run away from bad things that i felt would happen to me if i was a bad person..i was afraid of pain…and yet it kept coming back and kept feeling frustrated and now i feel tired of running away from pain…I feel that its part of me and i need to learn to live with it and find some sense of joy in that………I feel exposed admitting my pain and humiliations…i feel opened…
    i feel connected to the chair i am sitting on…feels weird..and i feel connected to the words i am writting down…wow…i am starting to feel me….feels strange..

  7.  #7Daria on September 23, 2009 at 12:05 am


    I feel sooo flattered!

    so apparently I found out from one of my online men… that one of the Other men that had contacted me…
    is this super famous rapper here that everyone knows and has been listening to for the past basically 20 years!!!


    And i did not know… he was calling me and texting me, but I felt annoyed, because he kept trying to get me to come to him, while I said i don’t drive to men… so i told him in feeling messages i don’t want to do that.., but he kept inviting me… even when i got back from my Romania trip… so i just stopped answering the texts

    now i find out that hes the famous rapper, and what feels SO HILARIOUS and cool, is that I always said that I wouldn’t go for that rapper, he’s too arrogant, and I feel tired listening to his music after several songs because he seems too rude to women

    and this is just like the vibe he gave me on the phone and in the texts… (he’s like.. oh xyz doesn’t move to anyone) so I’m thinking ok well xyz obviously isn’t the man for me lol

    so I tell the guy who told me, no that’s just a guy who acts funny… LOL

    turns out he’s this famous rapper LOL the one I always said I wouldn’t date… and I DIDN’T



    he freakin was like texting me everyday hahahaha before I stopped answering his texts altogether


    im a super Goddess… famous people are finding me online looooooooooool


    happy dance for me lol


    I DIDN”T EVEN KNOW IT WAS HIM LOOOOL!!! oh my gosh… hilarious… this man calling me now must be like wow… this girl is amazing… she has super famous guys writing her and is not even like fazed by it

  8.  #8alias girl on September 23, 2009 at 12:34 am

    so we were holding hands andwalking down hollywood blvd and this man dressed up as spongebob makes a comment as we walk by and asks me if i was with my first born “is that your first born?” he yells out.

    later in Th Gap i say i’m still thinking about what that spongeguy said. i feel angry. what do you think he was trying to tell me?

    i think he was trying to tell Me to go kick his ass. he said.

    i feel laughing about it still. tee hee hee. tee hee hee.

  9.  #9Katja on September 23, 2009 at 2:50 am

    This is just beautiful! That’s just exactly what I feel right now…

    Thank you,Rori.


  10.  #10Tracy on September 23, 2009 at 6:10 am

    i Have a deep fear that i hold for money…
    recently my friend failed to pay some money he owed me and he kept taking me round…I felt angry and i still do make a point of reminding him to refund me back…i hope he does so by the end of the week…meanwhile i have resolved to use my savings to recover the loss…
    My concern is all the feeling all these has brought up….
    I feel limited in my finances and all of a sudden i feel as though i am spending too much and wasting money and that i am going to find myself in huge financial problems soon.I feel so much self doubt and i feel afraid of spending money…
    I did EFT on this and i realized that i felt the same fear when guyz my dad owed money to came over to our house…It was really often and i remember that each time I’d hear a knock on the door i would feel afraid that someone was coming to reprimand my folks on money owed…I feel so ashamed of this…
    I still have these fears stored in the back of my mind….and the pain and humiliation that my parents and we went through is still there…I don’t blame my parents because i know they tried their best…Its just that when the pain comes in i feel overwhelmed and i don’t know what to do with it…i feel stuck…and the same feeling of helplessness creeps in and i feel doubt….doubt in how i am handling my finances…i guess i am scared of repeating the same fate…and that is why i feel so angry when someone else owes me money…because i feel as though they are sinking me to a hole i once inhabited…it feels so frustrating and i feel angry that i feel inadequate and financially unstable…Yet i have savings and i have funds to last me a while…I just want to learn to handle my fear…based on my past….i acknowledge that its there and i feel the confusion it creates and the sadness that creeps in when i start to doubt myself….I choose to get through this…

  11.  #11FEMENERGYLOVE on September 23, 2009 at 8:31 am

    i do want to be loved for nothing.i sent a feeling msg to a guy i’m dating telling him i did not appreciate not hearing from him,but only heard from him in an email sent to me and another person about some info i i’m the third party in some info email.i’m tired of trying to do things to be i will do nothing.nothing.that word feels so good,so empty,no extra effort.i’ll have a twix to that 😉

  12.  #12Daria on September 23, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    Thank you Tracy for speaking on this… I’ve noticed in the past year when I feel like “I don’t have money” it really affects me all day and I feel bad and sad, and I wouldn’t even have realized it before… but it was the money… just affecting everything…

    thank you for sharing how this affects you too and how EFT has helped you… I will try EFT more on this too, I have some new EFT “tips” to implement like speaking more emphatically and breathing

    because sometimes when i feel down i kinda whisper half deadedly and then feel like maybe not much is happening

  13.  #13Daria on September 23, 2009 at 3:20 pm

    Alias Girl your guy sounds like he rocks right now

  14.  #14Daria on September 23, 2009 at 3:41 pm

    so last nite I met another guy online who asked me my number because he wanted to text

    it texted a little bit answering his text questions… then he said what do you want to know about me?

    i wrote: i dont like texting right now… it would feel good to hear from you

    then he called

    i was mostly quiet… he talked a bit… then he said what do you want to know about me…
    i said how old are you… (he had asked me earlier) he said 22
    then he said… well what else?

    i said.. pause (mostly pause when i talk now)

    what is your mission in life as a man?

    (i got this from another dating coach a long time ago, as a q to ask a man in dating early on, to make him feel like you are a deep authentic woman… obviously it feels super interesting to find out what the man says)

    so he said he didn’t know, well he didn’t want to work, he thinks people work all day and then are unhappy, he wants to be happy, but doesn’t know quite what, he feels down, he feels like he’s trying to change and no one else around him is, now he has to help his mom, he never knew his dad, he has a child on the way, he feels judged by people on his appearance and his ethnicity, he feels trapped, no one helps him and now he actually has to help his mom, but its part of being a man…

    so this whole time i just said hmm, and ok, and yeah… listening at level 2. It felt good that he can say these things to me when he just met me… i know if I were to lean in (and at one point i tiny bit did and he cut me off and i realized he wanted to be heard) I felt really powerful just listening and realizing HOW DEEP this listening stuff really is…

    I did at some points say stuff like… oh that feels sad to hear… I would feel bad thinking that … etc… and i feel worried hearing that… and then he would answer that

    he said he didn’t like how women want him to show all the interest… i said i feel worried hearing that

    but i felt really TRUSTED…

    then at the end i said i don’t drive to men, he said ok, he would come pick me up, like tomorrow actually, and i felt good…

    then he went to look at my pictures again, and said he felt turned on, and then I felt turned on… so i said I felt turned on and then i said i was going to sleep

    so he said ok call me tomorrow and i said… hmm… i will wait until i hear from you… and he said hehe ok

    yay i felt good

    i didn’t worry about dater who hadn’t called me before

    but now i did get a text and missed call from that dater this morning too

    and then the famous rapper guy out the blue texted me too (I’m not Totally sure it’s really famous rapper guy or the other guywho told me thought so, but hey. I am totally open to it being him)… so anyway same thing… i was saying my feelings he says : Stop being so senstive and come over when you’re ready to see me

    I said… well it would feel good to see you… and I don’t want to drive to men its a major turn off… and actually im feeling a lil annoyed

    so then he says im weird bye


    so amusing

    I feel so good holding my boundaries it feels so EASY… feeling messsages and silence feel so EASY


  15.  #15alias girl on September 23, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    thanks daria.

    well today i Feel differently. 🙂

    i feel better to keep dating and i feel sad that i can not tolerate uncomfortable feelings in relationship to other people.

    so i will just date many many many men and they will ALL fill my needs and that is how i will live the rest of my life and finally feel some relief from hoping to find just one guy.

    ugh. ideally, romantically i would love to have just one guy. MY GUY. but if i do not feel capable and i do not choose men who are capable then i am setting myself up for pain. and ick to that.

    so i feel good to have at least five boyfriends (up from three) and so yes. i will tell this to my 21 year old —i will be your girlfriend but i am going to have other boyfriends.

    because he said he was going to call this morning and he did not. and so i feel majorly turned off and sad and well i’d rather just meet more men and who cares if they call or not?

    i met this man at the bboy event sat night and he said to me the next day on the phone, “you look like the kind of woman who loves hard.”

    i said i do love hard.

    he said that’s what i need.

    yuh. ok. you and everyone. but his whole focus was on how i seemed to fit his needs and well i didn’t feel the same way back. he said something about how he needs more than just a woman who will cook for me and have sex. i felt like he was trying to get me to fill in all his blanks and prove i could be what he needed.

    yet i did not feel the same way about him. i just said i felt overwhelmed and like we were not on the same page. I also mentioned that I don’t cook.

    he is still calling but i don’t want to pick up the phone.

    so yes i will date and have at least five men as my boyfriends. so what is a female polygamist? that is what i will be except for the marriage part. and not because this is what i want. but because i feel Soooooo insecure and do not want to have my heart broken. i feel pretty sure this is part of the reason some men can not be faithful to a woman is because it is too scary and triggering for them and they feel at the mercy of someone who might betray them. so they do it first. oh i feel sad. oh oh oh.

    oh well.

    i feel sad that i feel so needy. i love my neediness. i love my capability to love. i love that i am open enough to feel hurt.

    i love that i can not be destroyed and all that truly exists in the world is love. and i do love hard. and i can love MYSELF hard. and i feel good about that.

    i feel good to have a great many boyfriends. lie lie lie. i feel like crying. i just want one. 🙁

    i love my sadness. i love the heat rising up my body as the energy gets released. i love my tears. i love my quivering lip.

    ah. i just blew my nose. i feel better.

    thank you for my happy ever after. i feel amused that it does not look like other people’s happy ever after so they might think ugh how can she be happy. or whatever.

    but i feel pleased that my happy ever after shows up in the way that pleases ME most. i feel grateful. i feel good to stay open to my feelings as they are my most trustworthy compass to staying on my Happily Ever After road.


    for some reason i feel super desirable. i feel tickled to have that feeling.

  16.  #16Daria on September 23, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    one of the men i’m dating just wrote a song for me including stuff he’s mentioned to me and some of my preferences and then called and sang it to me…

    now him and his friend are recording it in the studio


    and i took his call with my mom right here… my mom and I’s relationship feels good much improved, i feel SUPPORTED

  17.  #17alias girl on September 23, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    maybe you can sing with him daria! 🙂

  18.  #18Ann on September 23, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    Darn I thought I’d suscribed to this post. Oh well I will now.

  19.  #19alias girl on September 23, 2009 at 7:04 pm

    YES! yes! yes! yes! yes! i have cracked the code. hah! finally. i have done it!

    hah! I can have the relationship i want. i can i can i can and I WILL!

    i feel sooo happy. i feel so relieved. i feel so excited. yes! omg. finally! hah! i feel thrilled! i do not have to have a harem of men if i don’t want. BUT I CAN AND WILL IF I WANT.


  20.  #20Daria on September 23, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    Alias girl –

    its weird you say that because I was singing downstairs. My singing voice sounds much better. My whole life i thought I would never have a voice and wanted one badly… and now somehow it just is cool

    this rocks

    maybe i will
    I want to sign up for the personal singing lessons

    Also a lady just invited me to join her business on wellness products which i know very much about… a lady from Toastmasters… also she’s a rolfer, which is a kind of bodywork (like massage but more about fascia tissues etc which I needed to have for my stretching dvds etc) so she can help me witht hat

    hello wonderful synchronicity

    i downloaded this thingy called 13 moon calendar, which is a diff calendar of the year, supposed to get you in touch with synchronicity… it’s been working… it’s cool to get in touch with time a different way… i already track full and new moons etc , this is not based on that but its cool to see how different calendar of time affects the experinece of life…

  21.  #21Daria on September 23, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    Alias Girl that rocks about your success with the relationship. Rocks a LOT. yay

    Thank you God for all this wondeful healing stuff for everyone… yay

  22.  #22FEMENERGYLOVE on September 23, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    i dont know how to love my neediness,i dont know how to keep myself busy and keep my mind from wondering to why i have not heard from him.i feel frustration in my shoulders.i’ve given my feeling message but cant help but expect a response even when giving feeling messages doesnt mean you expect something back.i feel anger towards myself for not having it together 🙁

  23.  #23Tracy on September 23, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    I feel so glad that someone else identifies with this…..
    I am working with these feelings and using this opportunity with the guy to feel more relieved….
    I realized that when i focus more on ways to make more money and be more financially stable i feel more at ease and less concerned with the money……
    I have been writting down my goals and i applied for a Master’s course and my French Exams are coming soon…
    I feel that i can work out a good plan to make even more money instead of focusing on this small repayment issue…feels much better looking at it that way…
    I guess my fear stems from my past and childhood memories and all the fears i have stored inside myself but i feel glad that i can embrace and accept myself and use those fears to light my path to a better place…
    My new affirmation is ……i am whole,i am perfect, i am strong,i am powerful,i am loving,i am harmonious and i am happy….baby steps…

  24.  #24alias girl on September 23, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    i feel good to read of the sirens’ baby steps progress.

    i feel good i met a man tonight. i feel good almost any time i go somewhere now i meet a dateable man. (and this man was extremely well funded) he totaly approached me. i had my nose in a book in a bookstore. i hadn’t even seen him. he ended up talking with me AND he bought me the book !

    then we chatted for an hour at least by his fancy sports car. hee hee. he said can i drive you to your car? i said, “in your fancy sports car? yes!”

    and then we talked a bit more and he said he’d call.

    i’m going to date ALL of these men. until one shows up like i like it. and if one shows up like i like it and asks me to be his girl and then starts doing things backass then i am reverting my girlfriend status to OPEN and i will let other people have me as their girlfriend too.

    oh did you say girlfriend? i didn’t know you meant Exclusive. because i would NEVER be exclusive with a man who doesn’t call me when he says he will. i mean you can do that behavior and all but it doesn’t feel great to me and isn’t really anything i want, so i can’t be exclusive to THAT.

    haha the guy i met tonight just texted me.

    i feel Very Goddessey.

  25.  #25alias girl on September 23, 2009 at 11:30 pm

    FEMENERGYLOVE i just keep loving all the feelings that come up. if it’s anger that i am not together than i can love my anger.

    i feel angry that i
    am angry. i love that i am so passionate and fiery. i feel fed up. i love my hopelessness. i love that i have such big dreams that they seem too big to come true.

    no matter what the feeling is i just keep loving myself.

  26.  #26alias girl on September 23, 2009 at 11:33 pm

    daria i have decided that i am just going to tap in somehow on the singing thing. somehow i am going to be divinely touched or something and blessed with a good singing voice. and i will just go for it and it will work out.


    we can collaborate. 🙂

  27.  #27The Daily Reviewer on September 24, 2009 at 1:15 am


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  28.  #28Katja on September 24, 2009 at 2:09 am

    I feel so siren-y these days…

    I love to lean back and just being. It feels so powerful. I am just floating and let life,the universe,god carry me to whatever is meant to be. It took me a long time to come to this point,a lot of pain crossed my way but now I feel like something big is in front of me and I’m just like “surprise me,life,I will lean back and focus on myself and love myself and everything will work out”. I feel so relaxed and so satisfied. There is no worry,just feeling good and loving life. And,it works! Not only with men,with everything…

    All the best to all of you!

  29.  #29Daria on September 24, 2009 at 2:37 am

    My new dress is so Fuckin beautiful I feel breathless looking at myself!

    THank you thank you thank you

    I feel teary

  30.  #30Tracy on September 24, 2009 at 4:06 am

    Hey Katja,
    I feel the same way!…..yay……I just reread the post and i feel so happy and relaxed….i thought the only way i’d feel this way was if i had a man around…it feels really good to just make myself feel better….carry on with my pain and frustrations but still grab the light and have faith in myself….
    I feel that the greatest lesson for me is that all the love i ever wanted was right here inside of me and it feels good to finally feel all that inside…i feel blessed and alive….

  31.  #31Mercedes on September 24, 2009 at 8:30 am

    “I think pain adds to our sense of the profoundness of life. It makes us deeper, it makes us feel as though we’re deeper, it makes us feel more deeply, and feel more deeply for others who are in pain. This is not a small thing, or something to be sniffed at or dismissed. It’s something to love yourself even more for, not beat yourself over the head for.”

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!! It so accurately describes how I feel about childhood trauma. This is what happens when you move from victim to survivor. This is why I can counsel young girls. This is exactly why I can say “I would never wish my childhood on anyone but it did shape who I am today”. I don’t live in pain…but I do still have it and I use it to become stronger and stronger. I pick it up sometimes. I put it down most of the time. I would never want it to be gone as I sincerely doubt I would be able to feel deeply at all without it.

    Thank you so much Rori! This was absolutely beautiful….amazing…

    Much Love,

  32.  #32Rori Raye on September 24, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Tracy – I’ve been where you are…panic over safety and security. So glad you’re working your way through this. What worked for me was to slowly start trusting myself to take care of myself. As you experience yourself taking care of yourself in small ways — listening to yourself and your feelings instead of to what others say — you will start to feel stronger…Love, Rori

  33.  #33FEMENERGYLOVE on September 24, 2009 at 9:43 am

    thanks alias girl.i’m feeling dark and moody.i feel failure at yet another relationship.i feel alone.i feel that i ask for the impossible.i felt love from alias girl and that felt good.

  34.  #34Rori Raye on September 24, 2009 at 9:54 am

    Femenergylove, doesn’t it feel great to let go of having to DO something to get a man’s attention? Now – to tweak your message (assume email?) – You can’t “tell” a Feeling Message, it’s a “sharing” thing, and saying you do not appreciate something is not a Feeling Message. Saying you do not feel appreciative is fine. And sending any message at all unless it’s in response to him, is leaning forward. Keep working at this inside yourself…Love, Rori

  35.  #35alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 10:43 am

    katja and tracy i feel so lovely reading your last cooments. xxoo

    you go daria in your breathtaking new dress!

    yae mercedes!

    femenergy baby step by baby step i learned to feel better and love all my feelings and love myself hard.

    rori i feel deep gratitude

  36.  #36Nikita on September 24, 2009 at 12:03 pm

    Alias girl!

    I feel like you are writing ALL of my feelings!
    I decided to build a harem ( I call it my starting 5)
    I don’t feel like being married anymore but I feel like I can change that…..if I feel like it. I would love one boyfriend!
    But…….oh well 🙂

    I feel so much resonance with every single post you wrote here….
    Haha! You said it all. That feels funny and fun.
    Feels like I might have to alert the genius squad :)))

  37.  #37alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    hahaha nikita i feel really swelled up anytime the word genius gets thrown around my name. hahahaha. i feel laughing. ah i feel the saying “the taller they stand the harder they fall” coming into my mind. hahaha.

    would you feel guilty having a harem. i feel guilt. i am so used to just laser focussing on one man. i remember in ninth grade after my boyfriend and i broke up i felt Guilty for like a year later to be with anyone else. weird.

    i feel guilty. part of it is i feel hmmm i’m not sure why. disloyal? deceptive? fearful? i feel bad when men like me and i don’t feel romantic back towards them. i feel happt to know men have this same guilt. yes i feel really happy to know that. so if a man says i don’t want to hurt you and is continuing to have sex with someone well i would feel wise to really listen to what that man is saying.

    i feel excited i am in new territory. oh alias girl the heartbreaker. all these men crashing on my shore and wishing i could be their girl. and i get to be open to receiving their love and energy and gifts and caring. i can holdhands and kiss different men.

    i get to choose

    my hero
    my king
    my guy
    my partner
    my friened

    i get to Choose the best man in the world.

    that is my perspective. my paradigm. these men are Lucky to get to spend time with me. to even spend time with me and stand in my goddess mist.

    last night the man cashier at the book store said i had a really good vibe. and the man who was buying the book for me agreed and said, doesn’t she.

    i said thank you.

    and the cashier guy said yes i kept looking over and kept feeling myself drawn over thhere (i had been standing in a corner the whole time)


    i get to Choose. and i needn’t focus on men who are not this or that.

    i focus on what feels good. how do i FEEL IN THis man’s presence. how do i feel receiving what this man is sending me?

    i feel content and relaxed right now.

  38.  #38Nikita on September 24, 2009 at 1:21 pm


    Harems. I feel a major lack of guilt 🙂
    feels like freedom for all. Free to think
    Free to feel
    Free to take our time making decisions
    Free to explore our options. Free to call or not call hehehe
    Floating. Everything in time. All is for the best. I’m learning too.
    I feel really content blossoming into myself instead of hiding some aspects, e.g.; my quirky spirituality, wandering mind, indecisiveness….my ” I don’t feel like its’ “.

    Question; can you elaborate for me that thing about
    The guy saying “I don’t want to hurt you” and then sleeping with someone? It felt coagulated to me……I feel confused and I was understanding so well….

  39.  #39FEMENERGYLOVE on September 24, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    thanks for the clarification rori,i feel much better.going to bed in this part of the world.Ciao!

  40.  #40alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 2:42 pm


    well like cookie once quoted a man she knows (her boyfriend?) about well a man will take waht’s there and being offered

    even if he doesn’t feel the same way as a woman. even if he knows the woman wants a relationship

    but the woman is still offering sex (probably in an overfunctioning, *imaginary* relationship way)

    but the man will take the sex

    but often a man will feel guilty. and he’l say stuff like “i don’t want to hurt you” “i don’t know what i want” “ilm not in a place for a relationship right now”

    but he’ll keep taking the sex and other good goddess stuff until the conflict in him becomes too great or the woman gives an ultimatum or whatever.

    so i feel guilt when a man is offering me time, attention, gifts etc in hopes of winning me (or sleeping with me) and i am not sure if i am going to choose that man. or sleep with him. i might. i might not. the guilt is unneccessary. asis the man’s i suppose. i mean if i am being honest and the other person still chooses to give then all is ok in my mind.

    plus in my opinion (this is all just my opinion) men feel good to give to a woman they are attracted to even if they never get the woman. as long as they are giving from a pure place of man woman. if they are giving just to get i suppose they might feel resentful. or if they are giving to a deceptive woman or etcetc on negative scenarios.

    i feel good to just practice receiving from a place of purity and honesty.

    like “look i have four other boyfriends. if you want to be number five then ok”

    what do you think nikita (or other sirnes)?

  41.  #41alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 2:44 pm

    i feel rather excited to have five boyfriends. you know maybe i am trying to conform to ideals that just are not right for ME.

  42.  #42Nikita on September 24, 2009 at 4:41 pm


    Great clarification and it felt super soft sounding….I feel like reflecting for a bit….

  43.  #43Simply Shannon on September 24, 2009 at 7:33 pm

    Well I feel silly. Somehow missed the newest post! Signing on so I can follow. Post again soon. Night all!

  44.  #44Rori Raye on September 24, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    Nikita – I don’t know the whole story…but he said he “didn’t want to hurt you.” He didn’t say he “wouldn’t.” So sorry, drop him from your rotation. “Next!” Love, Rori

  45.  #45Rori Raye on September 24, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    Angelina, lovely site, thank you very much. Rori

  46.  #46alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    my idea right now is i am going to open up a booth. people ALWAYS approach me and tell me their deepest secrets and problems as it is so i’l just open a booth. i won’t even have to advertise or anything since these people are magnetically pulled towards me. and i’ll charge $40.00 / hr. and people can just talk to me.

    that’s it. that’s my whole job. oh and i am going to dress super cute.

    i am 100% not kidding.

    this is my new job. i feel i am on to something here. i am very close.

  47.  #47alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    i am going to be like a hostess into well being. you know you walk into a restaurant and the hostess greets you then guides you to your table. i am going greet people. ask them for 40.00 and then gently guide them into well being.


  48.  #48alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    all the time all the time all the time people want to talk to me and i have to cut them out and off because otherwise i’d be all used up. but if people pay me for my obvious talent than well we both win!

    this would be the easiest job in the world for me. i have been training for this my entire life.

    and then i could do that for $ while i get my singing dancing career off the ground.

    i feel deleriously excited about this idea. i feel curious to see what will come of it.

  49.  #49alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    rori congrats. in my opinion your site is #1.

  50.  #50Nikita on September 24, 2009 at 10:53 pm


    my rotation is free from excuse having men at the moment 🙂
    I just felt difficulty following Alias girl’s monologue….

    Alias girl,
    I’ve reflected on it….if I haven’t committed to anyone I feel fine with the harem thing. Guilt feels like something unexpressed to me. I do feel good about accepting stuff … last bf- I couldn’t imagine being intimate with him but I let him take me out and in a few months we had some great kisses! And more….later.

    Plus, just imagine…being the woman we are the turn on. My guys get to think about me when they….you know-take care of themselves intimately 🙂 they get certainty(turned on) and variety(uncertain about closing the deal) feels pretty exciting to me. I feel flattered. A real girl is so much more enthralling than a paperdoll or DVD :)))

    You’re already providing so much. Just showing up. My harem gets restless….i’d rather stay in with a book than show up-but the dates just get better. They keep upping the ante until I’m enticed away from my book….heavy competition! I’m super honest, I just say keep saying “I don’t know”. That’s how I feel right now. We shall see what happens but I feel excited not knowing just watching the men unfold themselves.

    I read lots of Rumi too 🙂
    I feel in love with life as it is and it feels like it seeps out to the ethers….I try to stay congruent-I like that word a lot. Erika wrote a nice post on it…..I want congruent men in my life so I try to be that….guilt free for me. Sometimes we can be shooting stars in someone’s life and just enjoy the relating as it is :)))

    Nikita xx
    Big kisses A.G. Thx again for clarifying.

  51.  #51Nikita on September 24, 2009 at 10:56 pm

    P.s . That I don’t want to hurt you stuff sounds like a guy that was cornered or asked for something. Maybe there was some leaning forward there. Some pressury stuff. Just my feeling.

  52.  #52alias girl on September 24, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    oh yes nikita thank you so much. i feel appreciative of your response. i feel a sense of joy in reading it. i feel good. i feel curious that you actually after some time experienced a desire for a man that you did not initially feel desire for. just as rori says is possible.

    ah yes rumi. rumi and sham.

  53.  #53Nikita on September 24, 2009 at 11:20 pm

    It was the best sex thus far 🙂
    I was attracted to him…I felt good with him, he made me laugh a ton and he was a gentleman/chivalrous. But I’d feel my mind wandering too…”this poor guy, I’ll never sleep with him”.
    Sometimes I’d meet him and he’d smile so big I’d think; “wow he’s kind of ugly, or weird looking LOL ! Sometimes he felt really sexy to me because of his masculinity but I still had thoughts….naaah not Haha! Joke was on me I caught a massive lust crush after four months and at eight months I practically threw myself at him :)) so that experience did teach me a lesson…”it’s any man’s game”. :)))

    Nikita xoxo

  54.  #54Tracy on September 24, 2009 at 11:21 pm

    Thank you………….I am going to work on having more faith in myself and listening to my feelings…..
    I feel that i am beginning to understand more deeply how to listen to my feelings and use my guidance system to lead me to even better feelings….Thank you so much….I feel liberated!

  55.  #55Tracy on September 24, 2009 at 11:22 pm

    I feel so happy……You sound so excited and i feel that anything that makes you happy is worth trying…..Yay to you…..I feel Good things are following your way every step of the time….Hugs!

  56.  #56gina on September 25, 2009 at 12:11 am

    nikkita – I feel so curious and almost worried…what happened with that guy??

  57.  #57alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 12:49 am

    aw tracy thanks. i feel supported in my enthusiasm and that feels great. i feel supportive of you as i witness your baby steps to freedom and liberation and happiness by learning to follow your feelings!

    nikita i feel totally wow! oohhh that feels really exciting to me. yae! ok. so if the guy is williong to hang in there while i don’t want to have sex with him then maybe i can be willing to hang inthere with him too. wow. i feel so happy and grateful this came up and you shared your experience. thank you!

    i just had text sex with my ex. ew. gross. i texted him: thank you for helping me feel clarity about what feels loving with a lover and what does not. thank you for providing contrast so i can choose the best man for myself.

    i feel really clear now. which is terrific. and i also can literally feel how much pain he is in and is acting out. but it doesn’t feel personal like it did when i was trying to change him into a suitable partner for me. i just feel clarity. and also i feel like i just had detached sex with an ex. i do not feel he would be good in the boyfriend rotation since boyfriends i would choose have qualities of chivalry and kindness and compassion and caring and taking me out to have fun and stuff. i feel he is fallling into the category of “i wonder whatever happened to him. i hope he is well.”

    i really feel like i am ppplike last night something clicked in for me about being triggered by certasin things guys do. and i feel like well like i can’t explain it but i feel very excited that i can now move through the trigger and proceess it and thus deactivate and

    yae i got the chance tuesday with 21 year1 old and i got the chance tonight on a different issue. and the good news is i feel like these two major triggers won’t be major triggers anymore THUS I CAN STOP ATTRACTING THEM as i will no longer be activating them.

    i feel very in my body. 🙂 i feel very grateful.

    thank you for helping me become a match to the best man in the world.

  58.  #58Daria on September 25, 2009 at 1:05 am

    I feel interested in being turned on in front of anyone and everyone. That is turning myself on. Mama Gena talks about this, turning yourself on in front of “nerd.”

    I felt myself getting turned on today in the car when i thought about soemthing a guy had written me, but then I shut it down after like 2 seconds. It was like whoa no im driving not having sex. It just shut down automatically and I couldn’t get it back.


    I would like to have the power to turn myself on, and allow myself to feel turned on.

  59.  #59alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 1:08 am

    i just made a sign for my new business.


  60.  #60alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 1:28 am

    aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i feel like throwing a party.

    come to my party
    come to my party
    come to my paaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrttttttttaaaaaaeeeeeeee

  61.  #61alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 1:31 am

    $40.00 is a good number to start too. i won’t really need change unless they give me a fifty or a hundred. but that’s a quality problem to have. 🙂

    and maybe i will offer refunds if people do not feel satsified?

  62.  #62alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 1:32 am

    alias girl, party of one. your table is ready.

  63.  #63alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    i believe in miracles. and i am not the only one walking around this planet who believes in miracles. people Experience miracles Everyday. miraculous overnight cures in their bodies. all kinds of miracles.

    i believe in miracles.

    some man just found a BURIED TREASURE with his freaking metal detector. ok. some unemployed man just found a VERY VALUABLE BURIED TREASURE. ok. this is the stuff from magical movies.

    i believe my life can be a magical movie. my life IS a magical movie. i believe i can be the type of person who is balanced and in so in touch with source/love that i no longer get triggered in that weird unpleasant way. I BELIEVE THIS. i am already there practically.

    thank you for my blissful life full of fun and surprises and also so much variety and contrast so that i may contiually pick and choose and create what i like and what i might like to experience.

    thank you for providing me with super cute outfits. omg. thank you. thank you for my wholeness and peace and fun and adventure and prosperity and health and laughter and GOOD SEX and love love love love connection to love.

    thank you for harmony and laughing

    i feel smiley.

  64.  #64alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    my ex texted me today to let me know— how hot the weather is today.

    i feel true and deep compassion for this man and myself also. i texted him back some honesty.

    he must be addicted to my honesty because he must like to heal or something.

    i must like to heal too because i continue to respond to him when he comes to me.

    i feel i am in my body – as well as connected to source.

    thank you for guiding me moment to moment. thank you for miracles and healing. thank you for prosperity and fun and laughter and health and fun fun fun.

  65.  #65Nikita on September 25, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    Hi Gina,

    Just saw ur question…I feel confused, why are you worried? I’m really curious ….

  66.  #66alias girl on September 25, 2009 at 11:08 pm

    i feel megapixel confused.

    my ex called. wants to see me sunday. ?? wtf. i told him i feel like someone just shook me up. like a scrambled egg. i told him i felt like someone just put their d*ck in my mind.

    i feel confused. i mean. i don’t even know what i want. the good news is i feel non attached. which feels weird.

    he’s like ‘you never call etc etc etc.’ i’m like ‘I’m a female. if i chase you down and throw you in the cage do you know what will happen?’

    and he got all excited like it was a sexual thing. i was like ohhhh nnnnoooo.

    he wants to be my lover, nothing more. i told him that even that did not feel good last night. i told him it just keeps feeling worse and worse and i imagine eventually the pain will get so bad that i will just stop.

    i feel like i am just tearing this man down. like he is just seeking punishment. all i can do is criticize (using feeling messages) but it feels like criticizing though. and it seems to be what he is comfortable with. so together we can punish each other.

    omg. is there a way out of this and into something good with this man? i don’t know. all i know is i am far less triggered than i used to be. but i do not feel trust in his words. he says he wants to see me sunday and he’ll call me. ok? he says.i reply, “it was nice talking to you.”

    because i don’t want my mind to go to some sort of expectation or agreement on something that may or may not happen. something i haven’t agreed to. something i don’t even know if i want to happen.

    i also told him about the guy that asked him to be his girlfriend on the first date.

    i felt it was very “tactic” of me to tell him this. but i feel like he doesn’t see value in me and i just wanted him to be clear that other men do.

    ‘i just want to illustrate the contrast’, i told him, ‘about what i am experiencing with you and what my experience is with others.’

    all my rori tools feel like soggy plants with this man and i resort to tactics and criticizing. 🙁

    i just want to be honest. to be honest about the pockets of crazy still residing in my psyche that welcome this man in.

    “So I let Crazy
    pull me in
    Then I let Crazy
    take his spin
    Kicked off my shoes
    Shut reason out
    He said “first let’s just unzip
    your religion down”

    – Tori amos

  67.  #67alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 12:04 pm

    so i let me ex know today that:

    something feels off for me about getting together sunday. maybe some other time?

    i feel good about this. i feel much better now.

  68.  #68alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    hi response:

    ur funny. i guesss i’ll just wait for your call. take care, sexy.

    my response:

    take care.

    i feel good about this. there are so many other men in the world who feel good to treat me like a goddess. there are so many other men in the world who i can date and make one of my boyfriends and who are happy to FIGHT to keep their space in my life. there are so many other men who like to pursue me in a way that excites me and feels good for me.

    i feel good to turn towards the men i feel good with and feel possibility and potential and fun and being cared for. i feel good to receive the energy of positive men.

    i feel good to be with men who actually CARE for me. they care how i am doing. how things are going for me. how i FEEL. i feel good to be with men who are Giving so I can be in the feminine and Receive.

    thank you. i feel self loving.

  69.  #69alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    i feel super goddessey. i feel a little bit devilish as well. i know i have just raised his attraction to me and it was already kind of high to begin with.

    maybe it will get so high it will kick him into gear. or not. is not my business.

    as abraham hicks says —someone can “harrass” you into expansion but then you have to go there. you can’t keep using that same person now as a reason to not expand or you will end up feeling bad.

    the contrast of this man’s behavior has caused me into expansion and now since he is not at that new level of expansion i must be open to men who are OR i would be angry at him and using him as my excuse not to be in my new expanded goddessness.

  70.  #70Rori Raye on September 26, 2009 at 1:48 pm

    Alias Girl – be real firm with yourself, here. A man says all he wants is sex. Don’t go around in your mind trying to figure that one out. It does NOT compute with your goals, so the answer is NO. Simple. The only “fuck-buddy” that’s appropriate is a man who’s in love with YOU…and who YOU consider a “friend.” A man who you KNOW would be there for you no matter what. Love, Rori

  71.  #71alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    thank you rori. i feel i am back in forth in my mind about what i really want partly because of my fears and partly because of my love for freedom.

    so in the moment text sex felt ok to try. and then the way he just dropped off after i felt bad so i was like ok that felt bad. yet because of that experience i felt greater clarity about how i wanted to be treated as a ‘lover’.

    and then when he called i felt unsure and confused. and then once i knew what i felt, i shared it with him. then i felt better. then i really felt better i had made that decision after experiencing his response to my decision.

    i can really only be in the moment on this stuff as i am only just really feeling what i like and want —as i go along.

    maybe having a lover without a full blown “relationship” would feel ok. ? i feel unsure. all i know is how i feel in the moment. i feel ok to make ‘mistakes’ or leave myself open to experimenting as long as i follow my feelings.

    so i feel open to sex/lover as i am not 100% positive of my exact goal. my goal fluctuates. sometimes i want a relationship with just one man. sometimes i want five boyfriends. ultimately i will choose whatever Feels best to me. (moment by moment)

    so sometimes sex without the whole shebang sounds ok and sometimes not. if a committed relationship with the right man for me came along i would certainly be a part of that opportunity. yet i can only be where i am at, right now, today, in the moment. and since i am not in a relationship and yet still want sex i feel open if that ‘right opportunity’ for a lover comes along as well.

    i can really only be in the moment and trust my feelings. and i do trust my feelings to guide me to my happy ever after.

    rori i feel deep love and appreciation for you. i feel so excited to see women rediscovering their love for themselves. 🙂

  72.  #72alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    my goal is to feel happy and blissful and prosperous and fun and loving and compassionate and accepted and celebrated and adored and goddessey and joyful in as many moments of my life as possible.

    this is my goal. i feel good to have clarified this for myself.

    i do not feel attached to how this comes to be.

    in regards to the man-aspect of my life i do not feel attached to if it turns out to be one man or five or twenty-five in my rotation.

  73.  #73alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    i feel accepting. i feel floaty. i also feel bummed i don’t get to see my ex. i like him. i want to spend time if it FEELS GOOD. why is that man still saddled on me horse?

    hmmm. i feel smiley. right now i feel good he is there.

    i feel amused. i feel a deep breath. i feel good about the man (men?) i end up with because that is what will feel best for me.

    i feel good on my own anyway. so is all good.

  74.  #74Ann on September 26, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    Alias Girl I really like reading your comments. They feel so positive and encouraging. Thank you for sharing.

  75.  #75alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    aw thank you ann. i feel a little embarassed that i comment so much but i receive much benefit from it. so i feel happy to know someone else does as well. i feel less embarassed now. 🙂 thank you ann. your words are often so supportive and kind. i feel appreciative of your presence here on siren island.

  76.  #76Ann on September 26, 2009 at 9:26 pm

    Thank you Alias Girl. It feels good to be appreciated. I’ve been observing more than posting lately just something I’m going through. I learn alot from you and others here.

  77.  #77alias girl on September 26, 2009 at 9:59 pm

    yes i noticed that ann. i respect your process. i feel supportive whether you feel like sharing or not.

  78.  #78Ann on September 26, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    Thank you Alias Girl I really appreciate the support.

  79.  #79Tracy on September 27, 2009 at 7:45 am

    I feel like your post was reading my mind….
    I felt confused by the whole process of being in touch with myself and knowing what i wanted…..then the guy would come back…we have sex and i am back to the whole i am not sure what i want….maybe i don’t want a committed relationship….then the anxiety would creep in and confusion and i would wind up feeling bad about myself…
    Then i would read a comment from Rori and feel more clarity and i honestly feel though the process has been slow i am getting out of the system of getting mixed feelings and the uncertainty that creeps in..
    I feel more authentic and in touch with how i feel and i finally managed to tell my guy it didn’t feel good anymore…and i am actually starting to feel better…baby steps..

  80.  #80alias girl on September 27, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    tracy i feel so good you were able to follow your feelings and do what is right for you. truly nothing feels better than when i care for myself. 🙂

  81.  #81Jennifer Porter on December 1, 2010 at 6:49 pm

    Relationships are challenging at the best of times, but when you are on a roller coaster of happiness and sadness it becomes a no win situation. I have a rule that if your relationships do not bring the best out in you then it is not a healthy union.