Being Brave With Honesty – Alanna Levenson

Untitled design (14)

If you subscribe to my monthly Interviews With Relationship Experts CD program – then you’ve just received the March interview with Alanna Levenson – and I thought she was so spectacularly great on the interview, I wanted to give you more from her. Here’s an article she wrote for us:

A few months ago I was at an ATM doing a simple bank transaction when I felt a familiarity nearby. I looked to my left and standing there was a man who I met 5 years ago, who I’ve run into at least once a year since then. It was one of those moments when you haven’t seen someone in a long time when you say their name, they say yours, and the unspoken reaction is “fancy meeting you here!”

When we initially met, we had an instant, comfortable, and friendly connection. We had an easy time talking and could engage in deep conversation about life, dreams, and what we’re up to for hours. Our chance meetings over the next few years would always reflect two people who were excited to see each other, talk about getting together and then for some reason, there would be no follow-up.

This time it was different. He was more specific in his expression of suggesting we get together by this time saying, “ I’d like to take you to dinner sometime” with a very flirtatious energy. In the past I have to admit, I don’t know if I would have said yes since I wasn’t sure of my attraction to him, but this time, I just couldn’t say no.

He did call, we had a great conversation and we then had our first official date. The conversation was of course nonstop. When our evening together ended , we said goodbye with a nice warm hug and he suggested another date. I was really intrigued about why this man kept popping back up in my life and was curious what it was all about.

After our second date I realized I still wasn’t sure of my attraction to him and at the same time, I really enjoyed our fun conversations and was aware of how safe I felt with him. After our third one, I became extremely frustrated because I had to admit to myself that I just wasn’t attracted to him. What happened next became one of the biggest lessons about being honest with myself and being honest with others, especially with men I’m dating.

I had been telling him about how I was working on updating my website and when I launched it, I sent out an email announcing it to everyone with excitement. He sent me back a really exuberant email congratulating me and invited me out to dinner again. In the body of his email he specifically asked me if I liked champagne. I just didn’t feel right about accepting the invitation when I wasn’t feeling that “spark” I wanted to be feeling.

I knew I had to be honest with him but was dreading having that conversation. So after playing phone tag for more than a week I decided to leave him a voice mail. I expressed to him with awkwardness how I thought he was a wonderful person, that I enjoyed getting to know him in this way but unfortunately didn’t have those kinds of feelings for him. That although it’s the old cliché, I would love to continue getting to know him but as friends and that if he didn’t, I COMPLETELY understand.

I was afraid of what his response would be, which is why we most often don’t express our honesty…but I did and felt relieved about it! What surprised me was that he not only called me back within an hour, but he thanked me for how honest I was which made HIM realize how he had never been that honest with women he dated. He still suggested we go to dinner and reminded me that I never answered his question about whether or not I liked champagne. I had to listen to the message a few times just to make sure that was what I heard.

We did go to dinner and not surprisingly, talked for hours. It was such a pleasure being able to learn more about him and we even talked about the honesty exchange we shared and how refreshing it was. In some ways I think I was lucky in how things turned out and wonder if it had something to do with how I approached it. I spoke from the heart and let go of any attachment of a specific outcome. In knowing that you attract who you’re being, it was a nice reminder of how true that can be.

Alanna’s a terrific Certified Life Coach, Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner, Master NLP Practitioner, Hypnotherapist and Learning Specialist – (I was truly interested just finding out what a couple of those things are!) You can find out more about Alanna and what she does (lots of info on her site) here:


  1.  #1Turtle Girl on March 12, 2010 at 10:54 am

    This is exactly what I have been going through lately. Struggling to be totally honest with my feelings.Finding a way to do it in a kind way, and not worrying about the outcome or having any sort of fear attached to it. wow.

    The CD really helps with this because I am not so focused on one man and if that doesn’t work, then I go crazy. And that breeds just is a breeding ground for dishonesty because I am afraid to let the one go…..oh so grateful I am not in that place any more.
    Thank you for this Rori.

  2.  #2Daria on March 12, 2010 at 11:26 am

    ohh i forgot my “So what!” tool.

    So what

    so what!

    woo hoo So what to the fear

  3.  #3Rori Raye on March 12, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Turtle Girl, so glad this sang to you — I also want to thank you for mentioning the CD of my Monthly Interviews with Relationship Experts…I have to say, and you know I don’t like to push my products and programs out there, because their value stands on their own – but my Interviews this year absolutely, totally rock. I just went out there and discovered these amazing women that no one I knew had ever heard of before – and one after the other, they’re just gangbusters. Orna, Alanna – and next is Dr. Meg (we’re doing Inner Child and Rohan therapy stuff with her) and then Christine Arylo, and…really – just phenomenal pieces to hear over and over again… I wanted to mention the series, because when you get anything of mine, you’re offered the series, and I don’t make much of it as a program on its own (though you get to keep for totally free the Christian Carter interview and the interview for the month you sign up, even if you stop the subscription later on) – but I should. I’m very, very proud of these interviews – I had tingles and chills most of the time I was recording them – they’re really, really special. Okay, enough of that….Love, Rori

  4.  #4Georgia on March 12, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    “In knowing that you attract who you’re being, it was a nice reminder of how true that can be”

    I love this Rori. Thanks for sharing this post

  5.  #5Tina on March 12, 2010 at 7:22 pm

    How do you know what it is your being?

  6.  #6Georgia on March 12, 2010 at 7:51 pm

    when you connected to your real feelings deep inside.
    off to dentist 😀

    love your policeman’s story. You rock gal!

  7.  #7Tina on March 12, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    Knowing what I attract, is what I mean. How do I get to this knowing place.

  8.  #8Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    Like how do I know if I am correct in my answer? does that make any sense? like my neighbor , he said “did you gain weight? I was not feeling offended by the question at the time, then I told my sister what he said and she called him an asshole or something like that. I asked her why, she said most women are touchy about their weight. I was like oooh ok then I felt offended lol, I was on the treadmill at the time and I am losing my inches I gained over the winter. I love my winter fat! I feel like a bear grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

  9.  #9Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:09 pm

    So what did I attract?

  10.  #10Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Did I attract him taking shots at my self esteem? do I do this? do I take shots at peoples self esteem ? My dark sub conscience mind does? Do I shoot one back right at him, just for a test? Did he do it deliberately to shake my confidence? or not? My neighbor has or at least from what I can see, he has a need or a sub conscious one to fix women or he attracts ones who “need fixing”

  11.  #11Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    I do need fixing or do I have that same sub conscious need to fix men?

  12.  #12Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:34 pm

    My “dark side” can be quite ruthless 🙂

  13.  #13Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    I love my anger 🙂 I feel ruthless 🙂 I could fck him up! my dark side is a ruthless C-U-N-T 🙂

  14.  #14Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Does that mean he is a ruthless C-U-N-T ?

  15.  #15Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    Does he see me as a sneering ruthless (you know what) I could fck him up rather than fix him up!

  16.  #16Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:43 pm


  17.  #17Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:45 pm

    I’m actually eating an apple right now lol. I feel INTENSE ANGER/RAGE.

  18.  #18Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:54 pm

    I”m going to shave my legs:) and my youknowwhat hehehe.

  19.  #19Tina on March 12, 2010 at 8:57 pm

    Crazy B needs some um supervision 🙂 bbl.

  20.  #20Tina on March 12, 2010 at 9:42 pm

    I was feeling really intense and I think I kicked myself off line 🙁 anyway, ok so now I’m in my “give him the benefit” state ugh! My kind feminine warmth , Asshole! anyway, he could be just a clueless man? yeah? Now that I think back, I do feel like he is taking digs at me. I dunno…or is it me? am I just feeling my feelings? was I not feeling my feelings?

  21.  #21Tina on March 12, 2010 at 9:47 pm

    and what does this have to do with honesty?

  22.  #22Daria on March 13, 2010 at 12:52 am

    shake your sushi rolls

  23.  #23Jennifer on March 13, 2010 at 5:35 am

    ok, this post is timely for me a little too.
    I have been messaging back and forth with a guy from plenty of fish. I’m not *terribly* interested in him but following the idea that he could be free therapy for me I’ve continued.
    Now he tells me he is “between” jobs. He is exploring job options.
    I feel judgemental about this.
    I also feel bad.
    He said to me “will you still chat with me now that you know I don’t have a job? I’ve had problems with this in the past”
    I felt immediatly guilty and said it was no problem.
    But I’m not sure. I’m not serious about buddy anyway but if I was having no job is a big red flag.
    So..then is it worth it to back track to be honest? Or just let it go?
    And really…Rori…how the HELL do you managae to post about stuff that i’m dealing with right now? Geeze, what are ya, psychic?

  24.  #24Lori on March 13, 2010 at 6:45 am


    Although I understand the economy is bad and alot of people are out of work right now, I also feel judgmental when a man tells me he’s unemployed. I had a coffee date last week with a man who told me that and I also just felt “EWWWWW”.

    I feel that it’s because I have had periods in my life where I was “in between” CAREER type jobs, but I always did SOME kind of work. I once had 3 horrible part time minimum wage jobs while I was looking for another “real” job. If someone has a helluva savings, severance or unemployment check from their last job and can afford to take the time off, I don’t mind it and even feel it can be a good thing to take time to recharge. But if a man is complaining about not being able to find a job and money being tight, I always feel judgmental. I just feel that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do and if you have to flip burgers or clean toilets when you’re in between jobs then you should.

  25.  #25Jennifer on March 13, 2010 at 6:51 am

    hey Lori…me too
    I always have a job…sometimes two or three..even when in school. So it comes off as lazy to me.
    Plus, when I met him … B was “working” for his dad…dead end…then was unemployed while we lived together…while I worked two jobs.
    So I have some baggage around that.
    He now is an officer in the military and I feel it’s due in part to the support he recieved from me. Financial and emotional.
    I am absolutely not interested in going through anything like that again.
    At one point I was working two jobs and we were still broke and he screamed at me that there was no money for my birthday.
    So I feel ewwww…….but also like “I don’t fuckin think so”

  26.  #26Jennifer on March 13, 2010 at 6:54 am

    …and Lori…the economy isn’t really that bad in Canada. We had more rules in place for our banks so they couldn’t get in deep as the American system.
    There’s also a program called “second career” right now put on by the Gov’t. If you are unemployed they will send you to school…pay for everything and extend your unemployment payments while you are in school. So really…what excuse is there to be doing nothing.

    Im judgy.

  27.  #27Linda on March 13, 2010 at 8:44 am

    It is Saturday, I wish there was sun.

    I have been searching inside me. I want to know what it is (if anything) that has attracted what I have in my life right not. I dont even know if I buy that line of thinking honestly. It seems I have been in this “self discovery/ improvement” mode for 3 years now. It is like buying a house that needs renovation or updating. You work and work and yes it looks different, you can see the fruit of your labor, yet there is more to be done. I am tired of working, I just wanna live in the house an enjoy it and have it enjoyed. I am absolutely worn out with the “whys”, “what if’s” and the “what should I do’s”.

    I am noticing something huge the last week or so. It started with my co-worker. Now with my male friend….My co-worker has been in bad physical pain for 2 weeks and finally made a doc appt. She offered to get me lunch and bring it back before she went for the day. ( I had not packed lunch as usual). I made some comment about…”oh well that would be nice but… and she stopped me. She asked, “Are you not used to people doing things for you”? and she said…”you seem astonished, even uncomfortable”… I said NO I am not used to it, it has been a rare event in my life, I have always had do for myself” She said, “I thought so”…… I realized that I needed to just “receive”. My friend asked if he could make me dinner last night. My first kneejerk response was… Oh you dont have to do that…. but I stopped and said. “yes, that would be nice” when he came he said “just relax, I will take care of it”…. I felt like a fish out of water. I stood in the kitchen and talked to him, but I did not help. I just “received” . I felt guilty when my co worker offered…. but her words caused me to discover something I was not aware of in me. I am going to be open to “receiving”… watch for opportunites to just “be given to and enjoy without feeling I have to give something back”.

    This makes me remember a brief encounter I had with a patient at the place where I work. He took in retired service dogs. He talked of this one golden retriever he took in. He said It took her almost 3 years before she realized that she was not required to work anymore and she could just enjoy being a dog. He had her 8 years before she died. OM gosh, I had forgotten that!!!! I think I will just go and have a good cleansing cry now. I know what that dog went thru.

    S has tried to contact me this week. He wrote me a email. Its title it “Gods will verses man” with one line in it… “whats the answer Linda”?…… I have not responded, I am clueless and have had a zillion replies run thru my brain.. I just dont know what to say, I have nothing to give. Maybe now that I am out of the way, I can receive.


  28.  #28Jennifer on March 13, 2010 at 8:54 am

    now POF guy has posted a new pic and mailed me and said “do you like my new pic or do you want to run and hide?”
    He is over weight. Ok, that’s fine…but I do not want to be anyone’s self esteem prop. I have enough trouble with my own self esteem that I don’t have time to fix him.

  29.  #29Simply Shannon on March 13, 2010 at 11:12 am

    I am struggling with this one. I’m in the exact place as described in the original post. Ack! I need to do some tools today, like just feeling things and seeing what I feel. I swear I feel lifeless today. It’s like I’m empty inside. I dunno. I feel weird.

  30.  #30Simply Shannon on March 13, 2010 at 11:30 am

    Jennifer: Could you say…

    I actually felt okay looking at the new picture but I felt turned off reading the question. I’m a girl. It would feel better to receive compliments. 😉

    As to the job thing, maybe you could talk to him and see if this no-job issue is a one time deal for him or if it’s a “problem”. There is a BIG difference between a) actively looking for a job and b) being jobless and okay with it. Ya know?

    Your words might be: I do feel a little weird about you not having a job. I’ve dated someone who didn’t have a job, and I felt bad supporting him. I felt angry about it. Tough times are one thing but I don’t want to provide for someone else like that again. What do you think?

    See if you can get him to open up about what it’s like for him not having a job. How long has he been without a job? Would he work at McD’s or something if he had to? Lots of people go through layoffs and such and it sucks. It feels important to know how he’s handling it and then decide how I feel.

  31.  #31gina on March 13, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    Hi Ladies,
    I was thinking of you when I was watching the latest episode of Cougar Town just now cause there is a relationship brewing that exemplifies how a man will step up when he wants a woman, and how women actually have a ton of power. Plus the show is HILARIOUS and relevant – I would love to be able to chat about it with you.

    Plus, here is a link to a video of my parent’s cat feeling nervous while I video taped her. I think it shows that nervous weirdness can be adorable – maybe this relates to the talk of becoming a “gomer”?

  32.  #32Orna Walters on March 13, 2010 at 12:59 pm


    In my humble opinion, its about PRACTICING being honest. So if you have an issue that a man is not working you can say something like “Actually, it is a bit of a turn off to hear you are not working.”

    Seeing how someone responds to you when you are honest is all part of the therapy. So when you’re not really interested in the guy and you are just practicing, all the more reason to be COMPLETELY HONEST – moment to moment.

    What you will discover is HOW it makes YOU feel to communicate that way. So YOU get PRACTICE what makes you feel good and what doesn’t. I’ve found that its usually not about how the person responds to us – its about what is going on inside of us.

    I hope this helps.

    Big Hug,

  33.  #33mary on March 13, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    In the spirit of Allana’s story, about romance being replaced by friendship…

    I was listening to a song last night, “Sabra Girl,” by Nickel Creek, and these lines were so hauntingly beautiful:

    “Now you just told me that friendship is all
    I’m forced to repair the breach in my wall”

  34.  #34mary on March 13, 2010 at 2:16 pm

    Excuse me, “ALANNA!”

  35.  #35Tina on March 13, 2010 at 2:26 pm

    Daria, I’m gonna shake my sushi rolls in front of the mirror neked! I need a candle though. I”m not really a candle person, I have an emergancy flashlight lol.

  36.  #36Tina on March 13, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    Today is my day off from the gym 🙂 I can find candles at the local store, I’m sure I saw emergancy candles there. I dont know what the message from neighbor guy is, I’m just going to keep on truckin. I bet he wishes he could be me dancing for the divine masculine 🙂

  37.  #37Daria on March 13, 2010 at 3:03 pm

    Tina – I love it when men say i gained weight. It will go something like this. You gained weight… wow you’re looking right! it’s gone to all the right places. Wow you’re thick lil moma. Omgosh (the male version of omgosh which i forgot).

  38.  #38Daria on March 13, 2010 at 3:13 pm

    wow these are awesome responses ladies! Thanks for all the awesome words!

    Any words for a man that’s overweight and doesn’t seem to plan on losing weight — comments like im a big guy, i need a girl with meat on her bones, or stuff like that?

  39.  #39Tina on March 13, 2010 at 4:13 pm

    Well, I can say that my male friend picks up on slightest details changes in my physical appearance, I do the same thing. I have a female friend, I noticed she was all dressed and looking really ‘well put together” BUT she had knarly looking toenails, this bothered me lol.

  40.  #40Tina on March 13, 2010 at 4:17 pm

    She was actually flirting with a guy, and a thought came into my head, why dont you put some energy into your toenails rather than energy into flirting with dude!

  41.  #41Daria on March 13, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    right so my quesiton is
    i told the guy my truth

    now he was like idno wat to say
    then a day later hes like so do you still want to hangout?

    now hes like
    online messaging me

    then he says something which i feel totally turned of by

    which is

    i guess you dont want to talk to me

    then he online messages me again

    hi there


    i feel weird

  42.  #42Tina on March 13, 2010 at 4:21 pm

    My feeling was If you fix your toenails I will feel at one with the Universe. I was not going to feel at one with the Universe until she fixed her damn toenails.

  43.  #43Tina on March 13, 2010 at 4:26 pm

    I have no idea if she did or not but yeah. This other thing happened way back like 6 years ago or something. It was summer time, same thing with toenails, just an example but yeah, im on a toenail thing, anyway, this friend was saying that this guy told her she had pretty feet and I looked down, I was like oh ok, and? why you telling me this thought came into my head. I was thinking maybe you could paint them or at least clean them up some. She musta read my thoughts lol because the next day I saw her, I was at one with the Universe cause she painted her toenails a nice color. anway blah!

  44.  #44Daria on March 13, 2010 at 4:28 pm

    blah i feel drained. its not your weight its the insecurity. but wht do i say. do i just ignore? why do i feel like a fly stuck with a needle dealing with this guy

    i feel like i have to tiptoe aroudn his issues
    NOT like rori says in her e-letter

    ok the truth is, i feel concerned about your weight. i feel unsure whether it’s healthy, and i feel judgemental and i dont like to feel that way… and i feel really werid talking to you about this, because like i said i think some people are healthy and beautiful being a big size… and im not getting that feeling with you… and i feel uncomfortable noticing that it doesn’t seem like you have plans to change it… and i feel turned off and weird and concerned


    judgemental woman steps off the podium. i feel soo guilty.

    why is it that some people like monique and the other girl in precious look good to me big? and umm he doesnt? it has to be his subconcious thoughts

  45.  #45Daria on March 13, 2010 at 4:29 pm

    oh and i feel annoyed getting repeated hi how are you and etc messages and text. i dont like talking on myspace or texting. thank you and I FEEL ANGRY and turned off

  46.  #46Earthdancer on March 13, 2010 at 4:31 pm

    Hi Gina; which episode of “Cougar Town” , please? I just watched the featured one and it didn’t have that theme…thank you, Ladies; I love your posts…they are helping me…

  47.  #47Tina on March 13, 2010 at 4:58 pm

    Daria, are you “Getting the Message” I dont know what the message is. I’m still trying to figure out my message from “neighbor friend”

  48.  #48Tina on March 13, 2010 at 5:00 pm

    Would you rather him fall off the planet? I would feel overwhelmed and stressed, I think*

  49.  #49Tina on March 13, 2010 at 5:06 pm

    What does he do? do you “know him” what kinds of things do you talk about? Do you want to continue getting to know him? or not? or whatever? I dunno…

  50.  #50Tina on March 13, 2010 at 6:23 pm

    Shine some light on the ‘ugly” and beauty is not meant to be distroyed 🙂 anyway I;m going out to shake what my mama gave me, her grandma gave her and so and and so forth.

  51.  #51Jennifer on March 13, 2010 at 6:26 pm

    Totally off topic….I’m watching The Chronicles of Riddick.
    MMMM….yummy Riddick.
    I’ll take some of that. Manly men… not emotionally crippled little boys who run at the first sign of “danger”
    MMMM……Vin Diesel.
    Hormone Fluctuation alert!!!

  52.  #52Tina on March 13, 2010 at 11:47 pm

    I wonder if I gave off a vibe tonight? my dj friend who invited me down to come see a band , not a date but he did say at the end of the night, thanks for driving the women away. I said Oh did I drive them away? I thought he was meaning it was a bad thing but I guess not. He felt appreciative. D.J friend and I danced when the band played. We shook what our mamas gave us. I was not approached by any men all night weird but yeah. I recieved a lot of looks , thats all. I did sort of a visual dance with the earth 🙂 testing , testing 123 hehe. I noticed some men came to “find me” but no contact , which is ok with me. 1 1/2 yr man’s “girlfriend” was there but this time she never approached me at all! thank god. She kept her distance I I felt relieved. I ran into 1 1/2 yr, mans ex , he has a child with in the coffee line up later that night, I stood smack behind her, she said Hi, I said hi and she turned around and I could see her physically shrink and hunch over and lost her “groove” I practicing standing in the “dance position” while I was standing behind her. I dont know why I did that but thats the first thing that came to my mind. When she ordered her coffee, the waitress could barely hear what she was saying, I thought wow! sup with her? usually she would be so bold me with and up in my face, hiiiiiiiiii -fake smile grrrr. This one lady complimented me , she said your so beautiful you look like pocahontas 🙂 I said thank you. I would catch men looking but they would turn away quickly lol.

  53.  #53Tina on March 14, 2010 at 12:47 am

    I was still feeling my ruthless C vibes from earlier, maybe? I’ll find a good balance 🙂

  54.  #54Daria on March 14, 2010 at 12:49 am

    Oh i was just watching modern siren and

    i “gave myself up” to the door

    and omg it felt good

    and i felt so goofy and uncomfortable kissing it


    it felt EXCITING

    and that feels exciting cuz it means with a real man i can give myself up to im going to feel excited without there having to be drama just by giving myself up to him woo hoo

  55.  #55Tina on March 14, 2010 at 12:52 am

    Daria, whats giving yourself up to the door? if you dont mind 🙂

  56.  #56Honey on March 14, 2010 at 1:48 am

    Hi Beautifuls! I’ve received some messages this week. 1. I want to be liked – I learned that sometimes when my warrior women kicks in to protect me I might not be very likable but when I’m authentic, it feels good and I don’t care.

    2. I can’t always look perfect – some photos of me were tagged on FB and I was happy until I saw an unflattering one and it made me tense up. I learned that I have to be more comfortable with the ‘ugly’ shots too. I was late for work yesterday so I looked a bit thrown together. Before I would feel bad about it all day because I couldn’t look my best but now I embrace it because its sexy and natural to men and that teensy bit of ‘gosh I’m a cute mess at the moment’ totally works!

    3. Linda’s comment struck a chord with me because another message is I need to learn to receive. As musch as I think I know how, I still feel uncomfortable with it like I need to balance it out. That leaves me overfunctioning in subtle ways that I overlook. – I intend to keep an eye on that.

    I have a date later with a man who I don’t feel attracted to but I know this is good practice. I applied this post with him earlier this week. because since he got my number and email address, he has bombarded me with several messages and links. At first I was happy to receive but it got too much. So when he called me I stated my boundary that it feels to much and I feel overwhelmed because it feels too intense too quick. I told him I don’t want to be in a relationship and I am enjoying my freedom but I said yes to dinner because it felt fun. What does he think? He happily obliged, cooled things a bit (even though I know he was burning to contact me this week) but I’ll see him later for some love exciting practice to learn more about the wonderfulness that is me!! I feel proud, and happy.

    My main message for the week is that life moves forward and I really really really don’t have to care what anyone thinks and to follow myself and yes most definitly be brave and speak my truth! Than you Rori and all you amazing Goddesses.

  57.  #57Daria on March 14, 2010 at 4:14 am

    It’s in modern siren. And it’s like touching and leaning ON an object bigger than u like a tree or a door

    and then since its bigger when you hold on to it then you lean into it and love it… theres an instant surrender when you give yourself up to the object that’s bigger than u…

    u wanna kiss and hug the object

  58.  #58Jennifer on March 14, 2010 at 7:06 am

    ok girls…I’m feeling better today. Less miserable. I think it’s cause of two things:
    A) I watched my cousin Jay get married to the most wonderful woman. They were highschool sweet hearts and drifted apart and married other people. Those marriages didn’t work out. So they found each other again.
    I watched thier wedding from Vegas last night and I felt such hope. These two found each other, and they FIT. They really do. Jay is sooo much happier since Tanya came back into his life.

    So that makes me feel hopeful.
    I also have some outtings planned. Today I’m going to the psychic fair with a girfriend. First stop..Organic Underground…the local organic food/coffee joint for a “Nurse Jen”….cinnimon/mocha latte.
    And next month the guys from Paranormal State are doing a talk in Toronto. I’m totally gettting tickets and organizing a road trip!!!!!
    SHRIEK!!! That ryan guy is totally cute. I’m giggling like a school girl.
    Ok, I know it’s off topic…but I needed to rant about SOMETHING good for a change! LOL!

  59.  #59Turtle Girl on March 14, 2010 at 8:58 am

    Good messages from men—-

    Had a coffee date yesterday. He has dogs and so do I.
    I am always worried how my house smells and kinda self conscience about it cause of the dogs. During our chat he said- “ya know people always say my house stinks (his house he meant) but I just tell them -No my house does not smell bad-it just smells like dogs!”

    Wow-he is totally comfortable with having his house smell like his dogs. He loves his dog And could care less what others think. Message to me from the universe.

  60.  #60Linda on March 14, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Honey.. loved your comment.

    I have been struggling with a big question. You just gave me the answer.

    THe guy I walked away from 2 weeks ago has contacted me again. I told him that I did not want him in my life. (actually I just could not deal with his behaviour anymore)…..

    Why would a man say that he is not attracted to you but not go away totally. Over and over again…. I got the answer in your post.

    He is unmistakably drawn to me like a moth to a flame. He tries to fill his life with stuff that is not satisfying him and then …. I hear from him again. Eventually he will either go for it all in and learn to fly and join me or… he will get his wings burnned and keep fluttering around in circles, staying stuck in his own fears and shallowness.

    Maybe he will get to be around me, maybe he wont. I get to decide.


  61.  #61Sharon on March 14, 2010 at 1:15 pm

    Hi Rori,
    Have a very nice male friend who is only just divorced although he has been living apart from his wife for several years and says quite honestly that he does not want to commit to anyone just yet (is 57yrs) but probably will when he retires (2 years time) and wants to keep me as a friend but openly says he feels I want a settled relationship (which he isnt offering at the moment) and that he should step back to free me up as he feels I am too loyal to date someone else while seeing him. I know a lot of what he says is true and he is genuinely a nice thoughtful person and while I feel he may be right I am currently going through the perimenopausal period and my hormones are all over the place and I cant bear the thought of being on my own with my hormones currently all over the place. I am honestly trying to appreciate my own worth and have started making friendships with other females to go out and socialise but this whole menopausal situation is such a rollercoaster experience also I am studying for a degree qualification and that means I need to spend a lot of time at home reading literature and not going out and meeting people. It is so hard to stay positive. Please any feedback from anyone would be appreciated to stifle this feeling of isolation. I am 51years and divorced since 1993

    Thank you

  62.  #62Natural Goddess on March 14, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    Daria, I love this surrendering to the door!
    I think I may actually do that today…ahhh, makes me feel lighter just even thinking about it.

    I wonder if anyone has advice about online dating?
    I feel caught between a rock and a hard place, I mentioned before I don’t have a car- I feel trapped by this, because if I did I would SOOOO be going out to place I enjoy, and I feel that’s when I attract men I really vibe with. Once I was in this Buddhist cafe last year (when I DID have a car), I went out back to talk on my cell, and when I went back in, I swear ALLLL the men in the cafe turned towards me at the same time! They all had this “wow” look on their face as though a Queen had walked in. It was just one of those amazing Goddessy moments…and some of them were really handsome, guys who love nature and yoga, sun kissed beauties! Anyway, it was just a nice message that I AM magnetic…

    SO, here’s my NIGHTMARE experience with online dating:
    I actually went out with a guy on Craigslist, we were long distance for three months, talking almost everyday, him calling me…when I went out to see him, he said he loved me, wanted us to move into together, he wanted a committment, he said he wanted to love me and give it his all…he offered to move out to my state, but I wanted to leave that city anyway, and moved out to be with him. As soon as we were ‘official,” and moved in together, he began to act in toxic ways and dumped me after a month.

    So, after that most of the guys I dated were
    OFFLINE. In the past couple months, I did put out an ad, and had a lot of responses.
    And ladies, really, this is one of the WORST CASE SCENARIOS of what can happen with online dating.
    There was one guy who seemed interesting, and so I started responding to him and writing more.
    He seemed really spiritual, poetic, unique.
    He then started to make comments that were really bizaar…I noticed that but wrote him another email or two. Then, his email got REALLY bizaar, where he stated that he was a “sadist” of sorts and wanted to find someone he could “thrash” against…
    I wrote him saying that I sensed he was wounded, and while I really have enjoyed our interactions, and I think he has a lot of beauty, I don’t feel resonant with what he’s wanting.

    So, here’s the CRAZY part:
    He writes me back saying that he’s actually a STAND UP COMEDIAN, and that my emails with him were actually part of a sinister online BLOG experiment!
    The plot is that these guys respond to unique ads, and see how wierd and bizaar they have to get before the person or “victim” cuts them off!
    Then, they paste the WHOLE correspondence, on this blog!
    I felt SOOOO humiliated, angry, furious, and VIOLATED!!! And then I just felt really really sad that someone would do this.

    So, this guy, writes me saying that I’m the first person he’s felt so guilty doing this, that him and his blog friend say I’m some exceptional being, that
    “even though I was saying disturbing things, you continued to radiate compassion and even said things that could help me.” He said they were just amazed by that and it plagued him with guilt and shame. He said he realized how “soul-less” and “cynical” what him and his friend were doing.

    Normally he wouldn’t even fess up to the “target,” but he did to me, and I got a link, where our convo. was pasted, including my REAL name and details about things I’ve done!!! I asked if they would pull it down and they did. THANK GOD!!!
    But after that, I just felt I could not go online anymore, I felt nauseous at the very thought.
    It was traumatic, and SO DRAINING, and I feel like maybe the Universe is telling me that’s not a direction I should go. But I want to start circular dating, and just not sure what to do.

    What do you think?

  63.  #63Daria on March 14, 2010 at 6:11 pm

    i just listened to a Donna Eden interview and now im doing EFT and I feel juiced!

  64.  #64Tina on March 14, 2010 at 6:59 pm

    Natural Goddess , I feel like kicking his ass 🙂 that wont be so funny.

  65.  #65Rori Raye on March 14, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    Sharon, Welcome – and the hormone thing is manageable with herbs and things – you just have to do some research and some trial and error for what works for you…AND…on the practical side – how about studying in PUBLIC? That means coffee shops, libraries, book stores, restaurants…just to be outdoors. Most writers these days write in coffee shops rather than feel stuck at home…(I’m an exception – I love working from home…but so many people are out and about with laptops – JOIN THEM!) Circular Dating is not about “dating” – it’s a process that frees you up and takes away your need to focus on ONE man by helping you heal your issues around intimacy “in the field.” Love, Rori

  66.  #66Tina on March 14, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    I’ve rocked crack babies to sleep.

  67.  #67Natural Goddess on March 14, 2010 at 8:44 pm

    I hear you Tina, I felt like that for a moment when it happened. Nevertheless both these occurrences have turned me off from online dating, though maybe it’s just craigslist I need to stay away from!

  68.  #68Tina on March 14, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Natural Goddess, I’ll sign up for craigslist 🙂 what is it anyway? lol

  69.  #69Jennifer on March 15, 2010 at 5:54 am

    Rocking crack babies to sleep takes a world of patience and a VERY calm aura. Good on you!

  70.  #70Neytiri on March 15, 2010 at 11:17 am

    Had a great experience with this this past weekend. A friend of mine who owns a successful restaurant business in town told me he has a crush on me. I knew this was coming, but when he made his move, I froze. I couldnt do anything.

    My observer stepped in and started INSISTING that I say SOMETHING, and I said to myself, this feels good, but Im not ready for this..

    The next thing I knew, he asked me if I was ok, so I said yes but that I needed to stand up (I was sitting), and I looked him in the eye and said ‘This feels great, but Im not ready for this..”

    I didnt care what he thought, and the idea of him reacting hadn’t even entered my mind. All I cared about was saying something and not staying frozen.

    I feel surprised at how respectful he was. He said ok, hugged me, apologized to me, and didnt try to pressure me or guilt me into changing my mind or caving in.

    It totally opened everything up. I didnt feel upset, angry, insulted..nothing..I just completely understood that he’s a man, and that men get turned on. The end.

    And thats totally ok. And its actually great!

    I have a lot of respect for him because of how respectful he was to me.


  71.  #71marplot on March 15, 2010 at 2:17 pm

    Rori I just found out some information that disturbs me greatly. I just found out that women facing brain tumors or multiple sclerosis are six times more likely to be left by their spouses than men with the same health issues. I’m not really sure what the point is of getting attached to a man, if they generally just bail out when you get sick.

  72.  #72tinque on March 15, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    marplot – well this totally depends on the man. a decent man who really loves his woman wouldn’t do that.

  73.  #73Tina on March 15, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    Thanks Jen, I wasnt sure what this had to do with my suppressed anger or why I attract repressed angry men but yeah. It just popped in my head and I wrote it down 🙂

  74.  #74Daria on March 15, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    Marplot – my friends mom has MS and her husband is by no means leaving her. they havea GREAT relationship

  75.  #75Daria on March 15, 2010 at 4:19 pm

    A drain is someone really brave
    in soul who does not harken
    to say no they may never do they take all taht you toss em
    they even take all your abuse
    they take that which you do not need

    the golden funnel sewage line

    the other side’s a faucet

    a drain’s gift is that which they willingly receive

    they’re open to a hundred things that you would not want to be

    they drain they pull and all aroudn theyre gifted with despair

    you are a drain they are so told u dont do anything else

    indeed the drain will pull out waste like pee and blood and poppies

    without the drain you’ll surely die for you will drown in excess

    embrace your drain embrace the drain that your whole being IS!

    you eat you poop you drain it out and that is all in bliss




    may you receive and give freely as you fearlessly are

  76.  #76Daria on March 15, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    more on drains. I’m embracing being a drain. and recognizing those who I felt as drains in my life. I’m feeling a lot safer and gooder towards them as i embrace drains

  77.  #77Daria on March 16, 2010 at 3:16 am

    tehy drive to my door
    i make em all score

    i make em bring me stuff and let them push the door

    i wanna be the one

    i wanna hog the sun

    i wanna tell im that my toes are feelin chilly warm

    i tell him im relaxed

    i tell him i feel fast

    i tell him im harassed and i tell him leave the cash

    for the bash

    i love how many o yall how many o yall lgoin home with trigger

    u kno u really like herrrr

    u know u wanna figh her

    u know u wanna get all mad and get all outta sideer

    cuz how many yall

    how manyy yalll
    wanna fall in love with just the oneeee

    u goin home wit TRIGGAAAA


    i got itt shut it down

    its time for seven figa

    its time to let it ringa
    its tim to let it figga
    the seven messages sit up for all to see ar

    yah all oha yalll

    yah all ayalll
    wana go home with chea gaaa

  78.  #78Daria on March 16, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Can’t read the comments on the front post.

  79.  #79heartbeat on March 16, 2010 at 5:32 pm

    I can’t read them either, Daria

  80.  #80Alicia on March 17, 2010 at 2:14 am


    I had a great paying job, I was not fulfilled but it paid great. I got laid off. I was scared and not feeling secure. I eventually surrendered to God on that took all of those emotions and had a HUGE HEALING in my heart. I even had to move out of “uptown” and move to where my childhood began with friends of the family. Funny this was my parents don’t even leave there anymore. I am in a much better place now in heart in mind now. Funny thing is MEN even if out of work are on a journey and who knows how close the light at the end of the tunnel is for them. They most likely come out of that devasting blow to their egos more caring and compassionate. I would not toss them aside because they are not working. I happened to be dating a great looking, fun loving man during that time and he was also laid off. And he was also thier to support me and help me grow back in the present, and at the healing stage where as a child I felt no support. I know this now and not then, I pushed him away but, we made ammends and I can see how this adorable unemployed very passionate masculine man came into my life to support me. Most people who are employed right now are NOT lazy.. that I would I understand, but if he is just in transition give him a chance. I am so thankful for being able to be in peace and decided to go back to school for something I want. The door that closed turned out to be the biggest walk thru of a life time.

  81.  #81Alicia on March 17, 2010 at 2:15 am


    I had a great paying job, I was not fulfilled but it paid great. I got laid off. I was scared and not feeling secure. I eventually surrendered to God. I took all of those emotions and had a HUGE HEALING in my heart. I even had to move out of “uptown” and move to where my childhood began with friends of the family. Funny this was my parents don’t even leave there anymore. I am in a much better place now in heart in mind now. Funny thing is MEN even if out of work are on a journey and who knows how close the light at the end of the tunnel is for them. They most likely come out of that devasting blow to their egos more caring and compassionate. I would not toss them aside because they are not working. I happened to be dating a great looking, fun loving man during that time and he was also laid off. And he was also thier to support me and help me grow back in the present, and at the healing stage where as a child I felt no support. I know this now and not then, I pushed him away but, we made ammends and I can see how this adorable unemployed very passionate masculine man came into my life to support me. Most people who are employed right now are NOT lazy.. that I would I understand, but if he is just in transition give him a chance. I am so thankful for being able to be in peace and decided to go back to school for something I want. The door that closed turned out to be the biggest walk thru of a life time

  82.  #82heartbeat on March 17, 2010 at 2:56 pm

    I can read the comments on the front post on my phone, but not on my computer

  83.  #83Daria on March 17, 2010 at 5:03 pm

    Rori – still can’t read the front post from the computer!

  84.  #84Daria on March 17, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    ok I just practiced cutting off an interaction EARLY with a new man when it felt bad. I feel kina shaky. I feel tight in my right inner hip. I feel afraid that maybe I closed up… or i got masculine at the end… etc… i dono… BUT the practice was good practice

    so the man calls says hi blah blah… i tell him i feel stressed… he sounds slightly judgemental… he says do i want him to come and make me feel better. I said oh… well… yeah that would feel nice.

    So then he asks were I live… I tell him (its aobut an hour away)… so now hes like wow that’s far, eyah, blah balh, do you have a car…

    so I use my EXPERIMENTAL RESPONSE to that question: “no comment” he says, Wow what happend.. I say “no comment”

    pasue, this throws him for a loop.

    hes like well can you coem out here?

    i say… well wow i dont want to do that… this feels bad, I mean im feeling bad, first you were saying you were gonna come see me and now you’re saying you want me to see you…

    hes like yaeh well thers nothing to do there i dont wanna just talk in a coffee shop id like to get to know u etc etc…

    im listenign and He keeps talking about omg hecka fAr wow, I dont like driving that far sheesh, i mean you dont even have your own spot


    So this is when I decide to cut it off early

    I say:

    oh wow well you know yeah im feeling bad, since you dont want to come see me… I don’t see this going anywhere… so I’m gonna let you go now… and (winging this here) hopefully …. life will be good… for everybody

    he said something like oh oh

    i said ok bye and hung up

    i sounded nice. but i did feel angry which i caught after i hung up. before i was mostly feeling bad and disconnected and judgemental

    So now I’m wondering if my “parting words” were masculine, and whether.. hopefully life will be good… for everybody (even tho its soooo cute!)

    is too closed?

    like maybe i could have tried.. i feel better letting you go and taking some time to make myself feel better?

    i kina feel concerned that “life will be good” makes me sound like I REALLY don’t want to ever hear from him again… (like have a nice life) BUT I did not wish him bad, i did feel angry…

    I don’t mind hearing from him, but i don’t like the feeling bad part

    i feel inescure about having said that… like maybe i sound a lil crazy, taht and saying no comment about teh car…

    SO WHAT! hehe to the fear

    i love myself

    that was actually really cute

    i was gonna say… hopefully ou find some girls closer to yoru area, but then rrealized that was sarcasm and defense so I tweeaked last minute

    all in all just a 6 min 47 second conversation

    what do you Goddesses think?

  85.  #85Daria on March 17, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    ps thank you UNIVERSE. I think that sends a clear message! yay!

  86.  #86Daria on March 17, 2010 at 7:14 pm

    oh. I should say… I was feeling all stressed out (all of a sudden) since I chose to not go to Capoeira and part of me was feeling worried and guilty.

    After this convo I NOW FEEL GREAT!



    I feel energized!

    I’m taking GREAT care of myself!

  87.  #87Daria on March 19, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    I am back to eating garlic everyday
    nto good for me what?

    it is gonan be good

    gotta let it sit for 15 min after chopping so the enzymes can do its thang

    then mix with ghee and nettle seeds for the kidney


    garliky Goddess is moi

  88.  #88Kittie on March 20, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    I’ve been dating a man since January-he contacted me on yahoo. we hit it off instantly and we had lots of common interest. He’s helped me with fixing things-it’s like I could always call on him-he fixed an outside plumbing leak in winter for me. He’s just so much fun-he’s retired and I’m still working. Now the relationship has become sexual and it turns out that he has ED. He seems afraid to see a doctor or get medication. Our sex is very pleasureable even though he fails before penetration. He’s been withdrawing and I told him that I sensed this and he said he was and he wasn’t going to talk about it-just wait & see-try some “alternative” things. He says he cares about me and we have fun together and he doesn’t want to loose that. In talking, I’ve found out that his last lover and he had the same problem and she ended the relationship. I got furious-told him I must have been some sort of experiment and broke up with him. After 3 days, I apologized for slinging my rage at him-he accepted and he wants to be friends-he says he doesn’t think of me as a girlfriend and not as a sister-friend. I said I had no frame of reference for this and sort of agreed to see if I could handle that sort of arrangement-I’m hurt-the pain is almost making me depressed-hate it. He’s the first man I’ve dated that I really like. I’ve basically said that being physical with him was pleasurable. I can bring myself to orgasm on my own-no problem there. But I want the intamacy.
    I’ve re-opened my profile on yahoo-he’s told me he deleted his-he did when we started dating. I’m leaving town next week-this will be a much needed break. I’m sure he’s devastated by it and probably embarressed that it’s happening again. And I haven’t berated him about it-I’ve been supportive. I just don’t know how long this will take him to work through some fear or belief that he’s not verbalizing. I want to get back to my art-photography-my life before-but the pain is emobilizing right now. I feel more pain around losing this relationship than I did about the divorce of my 15 yr marriage.
    I’m new to this blog-but I searched and found you all and feel that there’s wisdom here and I’m open to it.

  89.  #89Rori Raye on March 20, 2010 at 11:15 pm

    kittie, welcome, and I’m so sorry for your pain. You sound to me like a wonderful, sharp woman…and this ED thing is so common now among men of all ages I’m going to have to talk with some doctors, men in general, and do some research about it to give you all the best answer – but here’s something I do know – there are 2 kinds of men with ED. One kind is willing to do what it takes to have a sex life as full as possible – and one isn’t. Some men who’ve had surgery and some serious physical issues can’t just snap their fingers, take viagra and be fine. But they’re still willing to do all possible, talk to whatever doctors and do whatever research they can, and are determined not to let it decide for them the success and intimacy of their relationships no matter what. Some men just fold – body, heart, mind…and become difficult men on all levels – no matter what the limits of their physical situation.

    What you want is a man who is willing to do what it takes because HE wants to. And for many men – that can be never. I know this is a bad break for you, and yet…you seem to me strong and willing to keep going ahead with your life. You WILL find a man who functions well on all levels with you – whatever it takes. Love, Rori

  90.  #90Russian on March 22, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    Thanks for info, I am always looking for something interesting on the Internet, i want to send
    photos for your blog

  91.  #91Lexie Wojciechowska on March 31, 2010 at 12:53 pm

    Hi everyone!

    I can’t remember where I made my original comment about my situation, but I’ve had some success! But first, a brief re-cap:

    My boyfriend of a few months was getting a little lazy. Letting several days go without a call, saying he’d call and then not following through (all this from a guy who, for the first few months, called daily and at the exact same time). Anyway, I decided it was time to lean back and let him prove one way or another whether he was worth my time. That was all about 10 days ago.

    I just spent a week with girlfriends on vacation. Didn’t think of him much, didn’t call or text. We both came back to town two days ago, and we’d had plans to have dinner with friends. This was the first time we’d seen each other in a month (long separations are rather par for the course…he’s often on tour).

    Anyway, we had a great time, then came back to my place last night. We slept in this morning, and when he got up he told me he had to leave.

    I wish I could say I let my feeling messages flow, but I had to take myself out of the room for a few minutes. He followed me and asked what was on my mind. I said, “I’m sad you’re leaving. And a little hurt.” He began apologizing about his schedule lately, and I said it wasn’t the schedule that was bothering me. “We had fun last night with other people, and then we came back here and had sex, and now you’re leaving. I know, intellectually, that you’re intentions are good. But this doesn’t feel good.” He was genuinely surprised: “Wait…you don’t think I came over for just a quick lay, do you?” I said, “I don’t think that. But I’m feeling it.”

    The conversation went on for a few minutes, culminating with him moving some things around so we can at least have lunch together this afternoon.

    It was awkward and I was uncomfortable expressing myself at first, but WOW! It works! I feel heard, and powerful in expressing myself. He wasn’t angry, he understood where I was coming from, and I feel like we’re closer. It was like, we’re a team and this issue is outside. It’s the enemy, not him or me. And we took care of the issue!

    Thanks so much, Rori! I’m going to be re-watching my Modern Siren dvds this week to continue brushing up!

  92.  #92Daria on March 31, 2010 at 1:02 pm

    wow Lexie – this is so great!

    “We had fun last night with other people, and then we came back here and had sex, and now you’re leaving. I know, intellectually, that you’re intentions are good. But this doesn’t feel good.”

    “I don’t think that. But I’m feeling it.”

  93.  #93Alicia on March 31, 2010 at 1:47 pm

    Daria –

    The ebook:

    I ordered modern sirens so great!! I downloaded the book and was printing it but, my sister cancelled the print job in the middle of it. I can’t find it where I thought I saved it. I emailed customer support and they have not resonded yet.. I hope this is easy to correct, I feel worried and frustrated.. lol And impatient.. 🙂

  94.  #94Lexie Wojciechowska on March 31, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    Thanks Daria! We just had lunch, and it’s very clear that my boyfriend is stressed.

    But, instead of offering ideas and suggestions of things to solve the problems (which is what I used to do), I just sat and listened. Really listened, without trying to think of a response to give him. Once he’d vented, he smiled and said he felt so much better.

    All in all, it was good. Especially considering what happened this morning. If things keep going like this, maybe I won’t have to give him the circular dating speech after all.