Beneath Your Beautiful

Untitled design (14)

OMGoodness – This is so gorgeous. My husband emailed the link to me, and I’m embedding the video it here. Isn’t this what we’re doing here with this work?

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 6:38 am

    Beautiful 🙂

  2.  #2Vi on June 6, 2013 at 7:36 am

    I feel angry at my inner censor and MH who sounds just like it. I feel grateful to get aware of that because I can heal it now and it makes me feel more powerful too… Okay now it feels more like cut loose feeling.. I love my anger, I love my power, I love my healing.

  3.  #3Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 8:18 am

    I feel so moved by the video and the words of the song. It felt tearyeyed and heart melty. I also felt yellow and bright in my heart.

    I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and shakey in my shoulders listening to it. I felt afraid of my own beautiful.


  4.  #4Daria on June 6, 2013 at 8:41 am

    waaah now i feel all piny again after watching that

    or just cryii

  5.  #5Daria on June 6, 2013 at 9:14 am

    HE got in contact with ME

    he told me he can’t be my man, he didn’t want/think he was able to come date me, see me and take me out. He wanted to be my friend

    I said no.

    I said i changed my mind. I thought that if he saw me and felt my energy his attraction would kindle and he’d change his mind, do anything to be with me.

    I went to visit him on the bus 3 times. I got stood up 3 times.

    I brushed it off

    The 4th time he showed up with a girl. He said it was a friend who liked him. His attraction for me felt huge. He wound up having sex with her at her initiation all nite partly in front of me.

    I felt secure in my attractiveness, I felt numb.

    He told me after he really likes me still.

    I cried at having seen him doing that and showed him pictures of me crying without blaming him.

    He was taken out the game for awhile. I thought about visiting him and almost did.

    HE contacted me when he was back. I told him how mad I felt. He was mad. He said ‘bye’ and i din’t let it go.

    I said ‘that’s it? bye’ ? he picked up the convo again and we reconnected.

    I decided to forgive him.

    He said he loved me. He said he wants my energy.

    He said he wants both of our energies.

    We kissed and ‘made out

    I found out he lives with her.

    I thought he might move out soon from that apartment.

    He moved in with her to her mom’s house I gather.

  6.  #6Daria on June 6, 2013 at 9:17 am

    ok so now… i got completely distracted because another man, who had just texted me “i feel like you’re not interested” and whom i hadn’t responded as that felt off putting and we didn’t have a date to meet…

    just called me and said he Can’t stop thinking about me, like really really , and more than any other girl, and am I free today (I am cuz i got asked out twice, told both of them hold on i feel unsure, and nothign got firmed out)

    So I’m meeting him at 2:30! Which is a perfect time so that I can get stuff done in the house and take it slwo for me today


    I’m feeling a bit piny after bookie

    at least im FEELING somethign


    My self esteem is on its way up, and vacuuming hte car will totally help with that

  7.  #7Mercedes on June 6, 2013 at 9:26 am

    That is soooooo beautiful…. wow….

    Much Love,

  8.  #8Mercedes on June 6, 2013 at 9:40 am

    We have our “Coming Soon” website up!! 🙂 The picture is what the actual yoga studio space will look like (or close). YAY!!

    (shameless self promotion link above)

    Much Love,

  9.  #9prplpsn28 on June 6, 2013 at 9:56 am

    Love it!

  10.  #10Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 11:54 am

    Though we haven’t walked down the aisle just yet, I’ve come to think of getting married as more akin to college or high school graduation than a romantic gesture or the real-life fairtyale we’re led to believe it will be. It’s a rite of passage that marks a person’s transition into adulthood. And although we may leave the nest and support ourselves long before we marry these days, whether we like it or not, society still sees marriage as the ultimate maturity gauge — for better or for worse.

    What’s surprised me most is how different I feel since becoming engaged. As ironic as it sounds, I do feel more legit having had a ring on my finger for a while now. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel like I’m pretending to be an adult. Getting engaged has made me feel more like an adult than anything else in my life has — far more than a director title, a mortgage approval or parenthood (hey, a puppy counts, right?).

  11.  #11MovingMagic on June 6, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Would you let me see beneath your perfect? <3

  12.  #12Daria on June 6, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    i feel angry and have urges to say bitter ish

  13.  #13Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    It feels peaceful and serene just looking at it Mercedes.

  14.  #14Elsie on June 6, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    @Mercedes. Gorgeous. I love love love love love it. Love it. Did I mention I love it?

    And thanks for the advice on the last thread -I read it – yes, you are probably right 6 days is a LOT especially for someone who is ISTP (I know I’m talking about that again) but he is definitely a guy who needs alone time.

    LOL. I dont get needing alone time. I’m happiest surrounded by tons of people. 🙂 I’ve never met a stranger. 🙂 LOL!!!

  15.  #15Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 1:02 pm

    Elsie I notice myself choosing to be by myself a lot of times even when surrounded by a lot of people. I have to make a conscious decision to mingle and interact. My best girlfriend is total opposite to me, flirts shamelessly and draws people to her life flies to honey. I am learning a lot from her and we get along great because of authenticity.

  16.  #16Elsie on June 6, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    FW – LOL. I”m a total flirt. I just am. I just think its because I’m very very outgoing. I just never get nervous or shy around people. I dont know what that even feels like….. haha!

  17.  #17Turquoise on June 6, 2013 at 1:16 pm

    FW, you got engaged??? How did I miss that? I’m sorry, congratulations!


    You sound so charged up…. like electricity looking for an outlet! 🙂 Do you have any hobbies or interests that don’t include him? I’d feel very overwhelmed on the receiving end of all that energy. I’d love some, but not all. I recently told my sister, whose boyfriend wants to be together all the time and do everything together like eat and grocery shop, and that she should love all his interests and not go out if he can’t go with her, she’s 46 and he’s 48, not like they weren’t independent before they started dating and she doesn’t want all that…. that just because you CAN be together so much, doesn’t mean you must be. It’s ok to choose other things to do with our time, even when the opportunity is there to be together. I totally get that this is a special week, and I know from experience that there aren’t always these opportunities and we want to make the most of them, I totally do that too… Yet, I’ve realized that just because I have all this free time, even if they do, they may have other things that they want or need to do with their free time too. Even if it’s just to sit on the couch and watch a game and drink a beer.. and not talk to anyone. It’s not personal, it’s just their personality.

    I am a person who does need some down time. It’s not that I don’t love being with my significant other when I have one, it’s just I need quiet. I need no one to touch me or talk to me for a little while. I need it to distress. Doesn’t mean I don’t love my friends and family, deeply care about who I’m dating, it’s just a physical and mental need, to have a break. I attribute a lot of that to being a single parent and having pets, that I rarely get down time without someone asking me for something or needing several things all at once, or cleaning up after someone…. it feels like sensory overload and if I don’t have that break, I won’t be a nice person to be around.

    This is just me, not saying he is anything like this…. but wanted to share my perspective in case some of it may apply. Men really like it when we take time for ourselves and to see our friends. They like to see us taking care of ourselves. Well, most men, not my sister’s boyfriend! 🙂

  18.  #18Turquoise on June 6, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    This video is really beautiful. I feel warm and smiley, deep into my belly. I feel as if, this is waiting for me.



  19.  #19sophie on June 6, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    I love the end when they sing to each other we aint perfect we aint perfect . Love the embracing of the not perfectness. feels empowering. Great link. thank you Rori.

  20.  #20Shar Lean Way Back on June 6, 2013 at 1:44 pm

    FW, I too am “introvert” and what I have recently learned is we actually get to stimulated and need the down time to recharge. And extroverts get their stimulant from others. That being said, we can crossover sometimes. 🙂

  21.  #21Shar Lean Way Back on June 6, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Turq, I think FW was quoting the article.

  22.  #22Turquoise on June 6, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    Ahhh…. I didn’t click on the link. Thanks Shar lean way back! 🙂

  23.  #23Turquoise on June 6, 2013 at 2:15 pm

    OMG Sirens….LOL, I went back to look at where I was at a year ago on the blog, to June 6th. Wow, crazy how far I’ve come on this journey. I was so excited about dreamy, who turned out to be nothing, I slept with him, it wasn’t even great, and he poofed. But I did it before I really wanted to, didn’t follow my feelings or boundaries,… was more concerned with what he wanted and believing what he said, now what he showed.

    I commented on Mr. Conversation, who had yet to be named, and said he seemed more interested in talking about meeting than in actually meeting (which I soon found out was because he wasn’t divorced yet) but a year later, is a big part of my life.

    I also commented on C, my ex husband, and that I’d always love him, but he wasn’t coming back. He’s obviously still a huge part of my life, and I’ll always care about him, but we are different now. More like partners (in parenting) and friends than ex’s. He loves me in his own way, wants me to be happy, would do anything to make things great for me and the girls, and that is rare and special. I’ve learned to accept, be grateful, and not overthink it. Mr. Conversation really helped me get beyond C. To want more for myself, to show me that I could have feelings for someone else. I thought that was why he came into my life, but actually…. I’m not so sure anymore. To be honest, our 10 year olds are best friends, truly love each other and would be together every day if they could. While it’s nice to have his companionship for me, their friendship is very special, and I imagine will be life long.

    It feels good to know how much I’ve changed since last year. Not who I am, but how I see things, how I react, it’s been a big year for me. I know myself better. I’m honest. My victim mentality…. all gone. It’s my life, to make of what I want. I’m not expecting anyone else to make me happy.

    One other funny thing, we’d started excavating the back yard, they barely did anything… and a year later, a new excavator is supposed to start in 10 days! I hope this is the last summer we are working on it! 🙂

  24.  #24Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    Shar funny I don’t consider myself an introvert 🙂

  25.  #25Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 2:40 pm

    Turquoise I wonder about Boomer and how she is doing. It think it was Boomer with the black cat

  26.  #26Silver-Tongued Siren on June 6, 2013 at 2:42 pm

    403: BeLoved

    Thank you for relating. Yes, I have actually thought that SAME line – “You can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being”!! lol, it is true, you can’t. I don’t know quite what to think of this one, I guess I have seen him change his behavior before (before I ever experienced this side of him) but I hadn’t quite coined him as possibly also having a “personality disorder” until now and not sure quite what it would be. Possibly narcissistic, but I never saw him this way and haven’t really reviewed his behavior against this. He just used to be so kind to me before.. I know that doesn’t mean he’s not.

    I do have hope because I have had success in dealing with another person who does have that issue, using coping/dealing techniques I learned for family of people with these challenges. Which I should probably review. I am curious how he would react if I were to not accept certain behavior, rather than responding empathetically or at least NOT defending myself, …or walking away if he wants to yell or attack. Refusing to argue has helped me in the past to gain respect with someone who had these issues.

    I have never (well not that I realized) dealt with “toxic people” or those with such personality disorders until the last few years.

    “my experience is that toxic people do not respond well to care, love, empathy, rationality. It’s a language they (and the former me) don’t understand and feel suspicious of.”


    “There’s no making sense of non-sense, it’s exhausting and fruitless.”

    So far I HAVE learned that you “can’t talk to a psycho like a normal human being”. you have to use a different approach. they live in another perception of the world. and it’s valid and what they are truly experiencing. that’s the hard part. you can’t adopt their view. You can however, acknowledge/even agree with them and calm them down, and reassert reality later.

    “keep the focus on ME, trust my boundaries, I know what I will and will not tolerate.”

    YES, I have to constantly remind myself of these things, always wanting to understand and be empathetic.. and I still try. It’s weird I feel myself getting sucked back into the mental fog just by considering the experiences of the past year with BF – I NEVER saw him as having these issues at all. I feel shocked and not sure what to do. The last post is def a good one for that.

    I am learning. It feels confusing sometimes when in the middle of the emotional mess that behavior can create when you don’t realize what’s going on – until you can name what’s happening and pull yourself out of the quicksand enough to do the above advice.

    thanks for recommending baggage reclaim, I have seen that result before but not sure I have looked at that one.
    Thanks for the hugs, aww esp felt cared for by the baby sts hugs! <3


  27.  #27Ayo on June 6, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    Beautiful song and video

  28.  #28Elsie on June 6, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    Ok – someone help me quick.

    I’m FUSSY. We have plans for a show tonight at8pm. And we were to go to dinner ahead of that. Its a big deal and a great play, and I really want to see it badly for the last year. So its a BIG DEAL and he knows it.

    He schedules a thing for someone to come look at this appliance at his house at 4pm. Uhh….ok. I guess.

    So – its now 5:08. I havent heard from him.

    I”m a little fussy. I know he wont forget it because we just texted about it a bit ago.

    But seriously. To get to the place the play is – we need to be there by 7:30. Driving there will be leaving at 7:00 – which means we have to be at dinner at 6pm. Which means we need to leave my house in about 20 min. to get to dinner.

    ???? What should I say when I see him if we arent able to make dinner? What should I say??? I’m upset that this feels like he just scheduled this thing – he could have scheduled it at ANY TIME. Why right now?

    I”m upset.

  29.  #29Tammy on June 6, 2013 at 3:26 pm

    Hi Rori! I have been praying for help and insight into my relationship problems and then I stumbled upon your program. I took a leap,of faith and purchased the Committment Blueprint. After listening to it for a bit, I gained the life-changing insight that I have always chased the man . So, I bit bullet and decided to get your whole program. I am considering it a college course to get the love I want!: I took your advice and recently told the man I love that I am no longer fond of the friends with benefits deal we have. We have incredible, earth shaking chemistry and have from the very start. We have been seeing each other for 8 months, when he stays at his 2nd home close to where I live.
    The whole time we are together he tells me non-stop how great we are together, how wonderful he feels with me, that he feels at home with me, that I am the sexiest woman he has ever been with and on and on. Then he says he wants me but he is so scared of putting his heart out again like he did with his ex wife. He said when she betrayed him he sunk into a depression that he did not think he would recover from. I feel in my heart that he loves me but is letting his fear get in the way. I also realize now, though, that if I continue to allow him to use me as a “safe friend with benefits” that I am being codependent with him and he will not work through his issues. Beides I told him that I must love and respect myself as much as I love him. MY QUESTION: What do I do now? I didn’t get to see nor hear much from him before because in his words he was so scared of me and what I could do to him (make him want to commit) that he runs from me! He says that he enjoys what we have so much that he knows if he is around me a lot he would commit. He is having awful year in his business and extended family. What am I to do? Do I just never contact him? Do I go by the old saying that if I let you let a bird free and it comes back to you it was yours but if it doesn’t it never was? Do I just let him do his own thing and never reach out to the man I love? I have tried so many times before and not succeeded! This is scary to me! Help!

  30.  #30MovingMagic on June 6, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Yay Mercedes!! So exciting. If I lived in Houston I would audition to teach in your studio. 😉

  31.  #31Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    Elsie first breath.

    Is being on time more important than the relationship?

  32.  #32Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 3:45 pm

    I feel really angry when I have to wait and I notice we are often late to things. What do you think we could do that would work for both of us?

    I saved this recommendation from Rori. I also suggest that it really is not a BIG DEAL. If he crashes on the way to the event then what?

  33.  #33Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 3:51 pm

    Or talk about the exhilaration you felt today thinking about being at the event. And how dizzy with excitement you felt about getting there on time and relaxing before so you can fully soak in whatever it is. I believe expressing how exicited you are, down to your toes might help him

    Just it seems him as a human being is not important in the scheme of things here. You can appreciating him for taking the time to do this and let him know how romaticit feels when he takes you out after a busy day at work

  34.  #34Dominique on June 6, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    Elsie – 27 – ALLOW things to unfold as they do. TRUST him.

    If there’s no time for dinner – so what. Have dinner after. Personally I love after theater dinners, relaxed, not having to be anywhere on time.

    It’s a week night, yet so what if you miss out on some sleep tonight. It’s not a big deal. So you might be a little sleepy tomorrow. Have more tea or coffee, and go to sleep earlier that evening if you need to.



  35.  #35Dominique on June 6, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    In re 30 which Femininewoman posted, this can be used IF this is a habitual thing, a pattern.


  36.  #36Rori Raye on June 6, 2013 at 4:57 pm

    Tammy – I have many ideas around this. Mostly – it’s about getting him with you as much as possible. Staying in your home, you going with him when he’s away as much as possible – sort of acting like a couple without the ring. It’s about you “requiring” his presence – without ASKING for it. As he gets more and more familiar and comfortable, commitment will just have happened. And if it doesn’t – then you dump him. I don’t want to let you think this is easy, or a trivial thing…and I can’t write that much about it here….just keep writing, and we’ll help. Love, Rori

  37.  #37Zia on June 6, 2013 at 5:38 pm

    Love this song 🙂

    I’ve been participating in a Sensuality Summit

    As I’ve still felt so disconnected from my feminine energies and I feel…. adrift? The speakers so far have been amazing, like they know exactly what I need to hear! And that feels good 🙂

  38.  #38LittleStar on June 6, 2013 at 5:43 pm

    Hi Rory and all
    I have been CDing for about 5 months. .One guy seemed to be really great and really into me and we did sleep together, it felt ok because he was so keen, booking dates in advance, texting ,calling. But soon after he became less reliable and not able to spend time with me every weekend as before. When I’m with him he is super attentive, affectionate and caring but in between i dont hear too much from him. Now It has become every two weeks as a set pattern occasionally every three weeks as opposed to every weekend (he sometimes has to be with his daughter which is fine of course but other times its social stuff and no mid week contact at all and I think this is because I can’t stay over as I have teenagers at home). His contact in between became inconsistent. I continued CDing but I’m struggling as they keep dropping off.
    I have had really bad run in last month and the men I have met for a first dated haven’t been in touch afterwards which is hitting my self esteem hard.
    He said he wasn’t looking for anything serious right now and now I feel the intimacy with him is misplaced.
    I feel like having sex/sleeping over with this man is effecting everything and things are going in the wrong direction. I understand I have focused in on him too early …where to go from here….????
    And how to broach this???

  39.  #39Zia on June 6, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    Elise…. I see so much in you of what I had in me, years ago. I used to get all caught up in the little (and yes, trivial) details… and it was a way for me to feel in control. This MUST happen this SPECIFIC way…

    Its taken me a very long time to let go of this. And recognise that it was all about maintaining a sense of control. But all it ended up doing was making me feel stressed and anxious and unable to just enjoy and appreciate the man’s efforts and presence.

    I agree with a lot of what everyone has been suggesting x

  40.  #40Luzydel on June 6, 2013 at 6:31 pm

    I feel puzzled that captain CD has not contacted me; most of my cd’s call or even text after disappearing just after two weeks. I guess he is determined to let me go for good I will respect that. It has been kinda strange to find a good cd; I do not want to just keep on going on useless dates when I know it wont go anywhere – I am beyond practice stage right now.

  41.  #41prplpsn28 on June 6, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Feeling stressed and anxious. Feel like I’m done. Done!!

  42.  #42Tammy on June 6, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    Wow thanks for the quick response Rori! How do I compel him to want me around more often. When we do spend time together it is for 2-3 days at a time around my work schedule but these visits are so sporadic. He has encouraged me to date other men so he does not feel guilty about having me wait around for him. For when he feels secure enough to launch into a serious relationship. And I have dated some and he has too but we both laugh and say that the others don’t compare to what we have together. Should I wait for him to contact me? He texted me recently and told me to be patient and don’t push and we will see what happens. Then not long after that I told him it feels bad to be so intimate with him for days at a time and the not know when i will see or hear from him again. He tells me because of his complicated business and family obligations that he cannot take on any more because it would take his focus off his responsibilities. It just seems to me to be a credible explanation or perhaps a stalling mechanism. I am confused,depressed,and missing him but somehow hopeful too!

  43.  #43Lisa on June 6, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    I feel confused when “M” says he likes to have an equal playing ground when it comes to sex… I suspected he had this story going on… @ Dominique I think you might have as well…

    I feel confused that he said “it’s all about you”….. “she comes first ” ( he read the book “she comes first”). I didn’t know what to say, it was during love making.. and so I said it’s the masculine / feminine thing.. Masculine gives, feminine receives.. that’s the way it’s suppose to be. I let it go after that.. and relaxed.. and was able to sink into him and melt and feel myself as a whole woman that knows her femininity and he cuddled with me and we fell asleep. I know he loves me.. and it wasn’t like this in the beginning, but at some point I think he must have decided he wants to be the feminine ( I don’t think he really realizes that is what he is doing, but he is focused on receiving. ) This “tit for tat” thing..

    But it is throwing our relationship off b/c of it.. I’m certain I need to be feminine in a relationship- that isn’t negotiable ( I told him that from the get go) I’m frustrated I can’t find Rori’s e-book….. and I don’t know exactly how to tell him in feeling messages, that our feminine and masculine is out of balance…

    But now I know why during sex he does this one thing he does…

    I know he has been really hurt in the past by women who he gave and gave to and then ended up being dumped… but I’m not them and I don’t do that…and I don’t want it projected onto me… and our relationship.. NOR do I want to have to make up for what they have done… “take”.

    Oh the tit for tat thing comes out in our dates too, he never asks me to pay ( says he likes to pay), but he sometimes shares my dessert or drink and doesn’t buy himself one…or he tells me if we can have dessert or not and where and he always has to mark the take out containers to make sure we each have the correct container… ( feels strange to me) but OK!….
    it feels like controlling….

    Any suggestions…


  44.  #44Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    Hi Tammy. I feel curious. Is he still married?

  45.  #45Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    Lisa he might just be neat. How is he in other areas of his life. Does he eat systematically? Are his ties hung just so?

  46.  #46Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 8:03 pm

    .. that’s the way it’s suppose to be

    Not sure I would tell him that Lisa. He could experience it as demanding or convincing so he would naturally resist.

    If the energy exchange is off then your best bet would be to outgirl him. Him wanting equal playing ground suggests to me his insecurities are yelling at him and he might need some reassurance and encouragement. I would look for things he does that I can admire, appreciate and also complement him more. Be gushy with the happy dance when he does things that please you.

  47.  #47Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 8:07 pm

    “he always has to mark the take out containers to make sure we each have the correct container” – this seems protective to me. Maybe find a way to playfully ask him why. It could also be some residue from the previous relationship, especially if they have kids.

  48.  #48Femininewoman on June 6, 2013 at 8:12 pm

    he never asks me to pay ( says he likes to pay) – VERY MASCULINE

    ‘but he sometimes shares my dessert or drink” – as it is sometimes I would wonder if this is his way of showing his romantic side. I might ask him if it feels romantic to him to share things like that. Does it need to be an issue if he only does that sometimes? Or is it that you can only handle a certain amount of intimacy?

  49.  #49Daria on June 6, 2013 at 8:28 pm

    I love you Daria

  50.  #50Lisa on June 6, 2013 at 8:34 pm


    Yes, he is neat and his ties are hung tied and on a rack.. he folds his clothes like I do… so yes!

    No it isn’t romantic to him, he doesn’t want to pay for two cupcakes… and he drinks my juice ( I do juicing) and then takes my cup up to the counter in the dirty dish rack ( at the restaurant). I never see him drink out of my glass or bottle but it is gone.. so he isn’t doing it for romantic reasons…. though he pays for my dinner and he never says a thing about what I order… I do know he tries to cut down on his carb and sugar intake b/c he goes overboard and gains weight.. so maybe he doesn’t want to buy a whole cupcake b/c he doesn’t want to eat a whole cupcake? I need to ask him… but I’m pretty sure it is money…

    Ok so I might not should have said it.. oops it already happened.. OK yes his insecurities are coming out b/c he ask me about his penis..and if I liked it.. and I said “I love it” ( which I do) then after I said ” I feel so safe with you” he said, I don’t know why, I need to practice my Karate so I can be ready..

    Since I’ve been working on myself so much ( prior to and since Rori’s work) men are attracted to me so much more and I have men that come on to me in a not so respectful way and I had men (2) practically chase me down the sidewalk that happened two weeks ago.. I was scared.. and I’ve had men touch me inappropriately out with “M” when he was in the bathroom.. SO “M” might be feeling insecure about protecting me…

    The more I work on my siren stuff the more I have men come towards me.. but it didn’t occur to me, that it would also attract weirdos…
    “M” bought me pepper spray.. 🙂

    I never thought that it might be insecurities… so I’m not sure how to outgirl him… do I ask him for help more and tell him how big and strong he is.? I could tell him “your my man” that might be good… I’ll think about it more…

    Great insight…!!



  51.  #51Daria on June 6, 2013 at 8:35 pm

    ugh what Rori wrote to Tammy, i feel squeezed in my tummy… that is what tha tgirl is doing

    but commitment did Not happen but what if it DOES now that im actuallys tepping back but

    stepping back gets a man interested i can feel the rising interest

    i feel sigh

  52.  #52Rori Raye on June 6, 2013 at 8:36 pm

    Little Star – Welcome – and all is well with you – you have teens, you’re taking care of yourself, yes, things go up and down – and you’re not doing ANYTHING WRONG!!!! You are simply “dating.” This man is NOT doing what he’s supposed to be doing to make you his “girlfriend” or wife…every two weeks does not do the job…and you need to keep Circular Dating no matter what – and practicing the Tools as you go. Intimacy is NEVER misplaced. Intimacy is not result-oriented. It’s being a happy mammal and being physical with someone. It’s only when we attach meaning to it that we get into trouble – and if you don’t feel good about the meaning you’ve attached (and your hormones have attached) to this man, then don’t sleep with him anymore. Please, just practice the tools of Poetry and Feeling Messages. Practice having NO agenda. Practice breathing and Speaking From Your Vagina. If you can, get a dating coach who specializes in single mothers. Love, Rori

  53.  #53Daria on June 6, 2013 at 8:38 pm

    ill never get a man cuz i dont have a home i can bring him to stay in

    instead that girl is doing that and making commitment ‘just happen’


    ohhh this feels like Rori punched me in the tummy

    ok ok no more comparing to that girl

    i am healing these patterns, this is very important for me

  54.  #54Daria on June 6, 2013 at 8:41 pm

    i feel like im choked bec i get that she’s ‘requiring’ his presence without asking for it

    i dont want to keep thinking about her… i was having great success with my switch in the moment tool about that

  55.  #55Daria on June 6, 2013 at 8:43 pm

    i t hought she wouldn’t ‘win’ because she’s providing house and food to him and i thought it would be kinda leaning forward… she does also seem to initiate wiht him some, whereas im more passive

    i dont want to compare myself, theres she is again in my imagination, i want to heal this

  56.  #56Daria on June 6, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    I just did 5th chakra tapping and i feel so much better! WEEE

    I get what I want… and what I WANT benefits EVERYBODY! even people that’s triggered!

  57.  #57Daria on June 6, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    YAYYYY!!! 🙂

    no more guilt and mixing

  58.  #58Daria on June 6, 2013 at 9:39 pm

    also i saw my brother out in town, with his babymama… oh I felt so glad to see him even tho i felt aa bit awkward and reserved i also felt chill :)_ wee my lil brother i thought he was ignoring me for a few years

    i Raised my lil bra heheh always made sure he was good and i felt so abandoned and now i feel at peace wit hthis in a soft, not quite impactful way

    im choosing to feel the impact in a wonderful way

  59.  #59Daria on June 6, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    im feekling on toppy top of the world!! im seeing bookie as offering me diamond ring and jewelry as one of the men in the hundred men exercise!

    yeee! any visions of him and her are morphing… theres an infinite number of ways that this shifts to something that feels good!

  60.  #60Daria on June 6, 2013 at 10:06 pm

    yay for EFT and energy shifts!

  61.  #61Daria on June 6, 2013 at 10:33 pm

    wow i feel safe

    i feel healed from my fear of dying psychic attack etc

    im choosing to see myself safe, im choosing to have it be ok to relax 🙂

    sigh… mffff


  62.  #62Emerson on June 6, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    I really feel desperat like I can’t stand being single any longer…I feel hopeless and alone and it feels like nothing is ever enough… I work so hard and try to do the right things and I pray for things to change… And it never does, it’s like the same old $hit over and over ….nothing with my men ever works out… I feel abandoned and uncared for…. I feel so low on the totem pole and I don’t know why I can’t seem to get it together when it comes to men…. What is wrong????!!! I am seriously starting to wonder…
    I feel annoyed and numb about exoticCD and just des up with all his selfish comments…
    It’s not even about him it’s just that it seems to be that way over and over…..a big let down.

  63.  #63Emerson on June 6, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    Seriously fed up and pissed off.

  64.  #64Emerson on June 6, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    Thank you rori for your comments to me on the other thread and your words mean alot thank you thank you!

  65.  #65Daria on June 6, 2013 at 10:37 pm

    im so powerful… smh… i feel so secure and loved now, just images of bookie coming toward me looking all determined

  66.  #66Daria on June 6, 2013 at 10:38 pm

    ((((Emerson)))) maybe you can try the EFT videos I tap along to… as you can see they shift my mood even when it previously seems ‘the worst’ and ‘nothing will change it’ (but it does! wtf it’s awesome like riffing)

  67.  #67Emerson on June 6, 2013 at 10:40 pm

    I am so sick of men telling me:
    I was busy
    I am busy
    I forgot
    I don’t have time
    Come to my house
    Suck my (ock
    Give me a massage
    She is just a friend
    I have kids and don’t want more
    I dot want to get married
    I don’t want kids

    And the ultimate when I need help wih something I get….
    Here let me give you advice, rather than be a man and actually just HELP you…

  68.  #68Indigo on June 6, 2013 at 10:47 pm


    Where are you neglecting or rejecting yourself?


  69.  #69Indigo on June 6, 2013 at 10:50 pm


    I feel like it would be so wonderful for you to accept this man as he is.

    “Fussiness” is a choice.

    I can’t help feeling, if you are going to be with this man, that it’s going to come down to letting him be who he is.

  70.  #70Silver-Tongued Siren on June 7, 2013 at 12:08 am

    wow, so much good advice from everyone!

    FW: — “is being on time more important than the relationship?”

    i felt an impact reading that – wow, YES. that’s right.

    FW & Dominique: I felt so good reading so much great advice one after the other to Elsie about being on time/addressing chronic lateness/expressing excitement and GRATITUDE/appreciation for what he IS doing, and just having dinner after – roll with it, acceptance, let it be about the feeling you’re creating.. it feels good.

  71.  #71Sirenity on June 7, 2013 at 1:06 am

  72.  #72Syreena on June 7, 2013 at 4:21 am

    With online dating sites and chatting online without ever have meeting that person in RL If feel curious to if others have felt a vibe online?

    Or is that impossible because we need to be in someones presence to really pick up a real vibe?

    Is online vibe only an imagined vibe?

  73.  #73Syreena on June 7, 2013 at 4:26 am

    I feel undecided today about if I want to go out tonight or tomorrow. ARGGG.
    This makes me feel stuck.
    I feel a tug of war about going to where there are more familiar faces with people who I am forming deeper relationships with, or going somewhere new where there are just acquaintances.

    I don’t like this, it makes me feel unsettled. And then I just go around in circles, it feel draining.

  74.  #74Syreena on June 7, 2013 at 4:31 am

    I feel overwhelmed with too many conflicting thoughts and feeling at once.

    I feel the need to slow down and just STOP for a moment and breath.

    If feels good to breath. It makes me feel calmer, less panicky and overwhelmed by thoughts and emotions swirling around and spiraling out of control.

  75.  #75LoveAlways on June 7, 2013 at 5:16 am

    Great song Rori!

  76.  #76LoveAlways on June 7, 2013 at 5:19 am

    Tammy #29
    I like your “college course approach” 😀

  77.  #77Dominique on June 7, 2013 at 5:30 am

    Lisa – 43 – Not sure where the question is here. My best guess is that you are wanting to know what to do when he falls into feminine energy? It can happen. And what you do can depend on circumstance.

    When it comes to sex, continue to make to known how good things feel whenever he does what he does which feels good, and move yourself into positions which feel better if you need to, guide his hands if necessary, and REALLY get into it.

    There will be some exchange of energy and touch, yet for most men, the greatest pleasure comes from seeing and feeling you feeling good, from giving you pleasure, creating this pleasure in you.

    As for the rest, keep outgirling him.


  78.  #78Emerson on June 7, 2013 at 6:43 am

    Thank you indigo and Daria.

  79.  #79Lisa on June 7, 2013 at 7:13 am

    @Dominique Ok great! I will.. and yes I do tell him how good it is.. etc… but I can certainly do more.. and get into it more…

    I’ll have to really work on how to outgirl him… a new concept to me…

    @Rori Question about your coaching program. It will take me a little while to get a business plan done and request funding. I’ll need to speak to someone in your office about how to do that. So, my question is, is July 8th the only time I can start. That is pretty soon. I’m not certain I can get it all done and approved by then. How do I communicate via outside the blog about this?

  80.  #80Lisa on June 7, 2013 at 7:21 am


    That is so true! and I love how that was said. And for me, it also comes right down to it, I need to let me be me! That’s how it works or doesn’t. Accept him as he is, wait and see how that feels, all the while being who I am… watch and allow..

    I needed to hear that… “making it work” is my pattern.. and “allowing it to work or not” is the uncomfortable part… which needs to be my new normal…

    <3 <3

    {{{{{big hug}}}}]

  81.  #81Elsie on June 7, 2013 at 8:59 am

    First off, I have said it before, but THANK YOU to Mercedes, Dominique, FW, Zia, and anyone else who always writes to me and takes time out.

    Spot on. You all are right. First off, I got a text from him about 2 min. after I wrote that that he was on his way. He was totally on time, actually a bit early. So, there I go again, tempest in a teapot over nothing.

    I will once again defer to you all again to see if I am making mountains out of molehills, or if this is actually significant stuff. I feel like because of my relationship in the past, that I have a lot of baggage and cant tell if something is actually a big deal or not (i.e. being late once…..which he wasnt. LOL)

    But here is how the rest of the evening went. I SINCERELY want your advice. I can take it. Maybe I am trying to overmanage and not just love him for who he is – or maybe I am accepting crumbs, I’m not sure which it is. I need help, so I am so ready to hear it from all of you.

    When he picked me up, he had just gotten out of a very frustrating meeting with a realtor, so he was….just not focused. He was rushed and hungry and just wanted to get to where we were eating. I had just bought a new dress (He knew that) and frankly I looked stunning. I *never* say that – but wow, I was impressed with myself. Black wrap dress, heels, adorable. He didnt tell me I looked pretty all night. At all. At the end I said, well, I wanted to look pretty for you -and he said, you did, but that was it. Ugh. He didnt open the car doors for me. He didnt pull out my chair. He NEVER said thank you for the tickets. That really bothered me, because frankly, he knew that they were expensive and I always say thank you to him for all the stuff that he does for me. He knows it was a challenge for me to pay for those tickets, but its the ONLY thing I have ever paid for for us in over a year.

    I know he was nervous because it was an open event out in public, so he didnt hold my hand, or put his arm around me, because someone from our office could have possibly been there….ok, I guess I get that…..but he saw that I was FREEZING at one point, and never offered to put his arm around me etc. He didnt seem that affectionate. My feet were killing me in my new shoes and it bothered me that he wanted me to get across the street faster when a car was letting us across. He didnt say really that he had a great time.

    Now, thats all the bad news. The good news is this – so long story short, he went to go do something that is quite private and personal so I wont even begin to share it here, but it is all for me, and for my benefit medically. Its a long story. Anyway…..So he went to the Dr. yesterday and when he was telling hte story, he said, the Dr. asked why I was getting this done, and he said, “Well, I’m in a relationship and the girl that I’m with in this relaitonship with would like me to have this done.” So, thats the first time I’ve ever heard him say something like that – sort of pinning us down to SOMEONE ELSE, not just to me, and….that felt….WONDERFUL.

    Now, I do understand that everyone is in a relationship of some sort, but thats not how he meant it -and I could tell. So that was nice. He did come on time, and was dressed nicely, and he paid for a very expensive dinner. At the end of the night, he did say he had a nice time, but he sort of felt … distant. We were intimate last night, and that was fine, and he is very sweet, and emotional, and I do love all of that.

    BUT….It upset me that he didnt say I looked pretty. It upset me he didnt put his arm around me when I was cold. It upset me that he didnt say thank you for the tickets, or at least say in a loud way that he had a wonderful time.

    I do love him, and I think he loves me, but frankly, he may not be able to be what I want. Then, I wonder, maybe NO ONE can be what I want? Am I accepting crumbs…..or is what I want too much, or is it that my image for a relationship is not healthy? I dont know.

    In the meantime, I could use some solid advice. I feel upset. And I wish I could tell him, but I dont know how…….I dont think he knows that he hurt my feelings, and I dont think he would want to hurt my feelings. I just dont know what or if I should say anything…..and if I do say something, how do I say it without making it a laundry list of things that hurt my feelings which will probably make him shut down?

    Ok – sorry to be so long…..I could just use the advice. 🙂

  82.  #82Mercedes on June 7, 2013 at 9:19 am

    Elsie: Maybe tough love here. I don’t think this guy will ever be good enough for you. I don’t think ever be able to think the way you want him to think and say the things you want him to say in the way you want him to say them.

    I do think there are men out there who are more like you though and will be able to do this. I just, the more you talk about this man, I just really don’t think his own nature (the way he is) will ever be enough for you.

    I know you say you love him, and I believe you, but I don’t think you love the way he is. I think you love the man who has been with you through a tough time but that’s it. He’s not enough for you.

    I also think it’s going to get harder and harder to hide your relationship in public. You’re going to get tired of it but he’s not ready to move on with a relationship. He lives with another woman and can’t put his arm around you in public in case someone from work might see. Trust me…it wouldn’t be enough for me either.

    I’ve said it to you before and I’ll say it again. I wish there was some way to convince you to start seeing other men…circular dating.

    Much Love,

  83.  #83Indigo on June 7, 2013 at 9:25 am



    I feel like I so get how you are feeling. I have been there. And so I will just toss my two cents into the ring:

    For me, your guy sounds like a guy who is acting under pressure. Trying to get it all “done” and missing some of the steps along the way. Sorry, that is just the impression that jumped out at me. Introverted people can feel like that pretty easily.

    Again, and I’m sorry to say this again, I feel it would come down to accepting him for who he is, and NOT hounding him or talking about this stuff.

    *Big hugs*

  84.  #84Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 9:33 am

    RE 82: Ditto

  85.  #85Dominique on June 7, 2013 at 9:54 am

    Elsie – 81 – This man may or may not be the man for you. I don’t know, and you don’t know, so leave this bit right there.

    The rest – I really, really want you to focus ONLY on the the good feeling stuff. This poor man can never win it seems. And he will feel this from you. He WILL feel that he can never seem to get it right, and he WILL eventually give up.

    You can still have a lovely evening no matter what mood he is in and no matter what he does or doesn’t do. He did A LOT. He is doing A LOT for you and for the relationship.

    I want you to put everything you have there.

    When he doesn’t make a comment about your dress, or he doesn’t open your door or whatever else he doesn’t do, remember ALL THAT HE HAS DONE.

    The more you can let this stuff go, the more you are likely to get these what you think are missing pieces.


  86.  #86Elsie on June 7, 2013 at 9:54 am

    @Mercedes and FW – Its hard to read that. Let me tell you why. It may not be why you think.

    This man did help me through a tough time. We helped each other now that is true, and me being honest.

    I do love him and I do know that he loves me. I dont know if that is enough.

    I feel torn. Conflicted.

    He does so many nice things for me. He HELP me around the house, etc. He seems to geniunely want to take care of me. I’m not sure he is so great at taking care of me EMOTIONALLY though. But then, I think, to play deil’s advocate, that frankly, I need a TON more reassurance that is healthy, so maybe that is good that he refuses to be my crutch and wants me to go through the emotions I need to go through, and not NEED him, but rather just WANT him.

    I have asked him whether we are together in the end, and he said yes. I talked about how it will be with us out in the open and he said he is looking forward to it.

    Maybe the plan is just to wait and see what happens and start trying to become more emotionally secure in myself and my own happiness and not depending on him to do that for me.

    I’m not sure if he will be enough for me. But I’m not sure ANYONE will at this point, because I’m not sure I”m enough for myself – and I’m constantly looking for others to fill that space/void up.

    Thats sort of an a-ha moment there – that last sentence.

    He is a good man. He is handsome, kind, and considerate. Gentle, and loving. Just introverted, and frankly by his own admission not great at doing the relaitonship thing because emotions are hard for him to read and understand (ISTP plays into that.) But I can see him trying. I just dont think he tried so hard last night.

    Anyway – thoughts on what I just said? I LOVE that I have this place.

    And no matter what happens with him, I will always love him. I will not ever be mad at him for being the person that he is. He is that person, and that person held my hand and my heart, and I will never discount that. I’m crying as I write this. I really do know to my toes that he loves me.

    I’m not on a ledge or anything like that – I just wish he could be more emotionally intuitive. I will have to decide if its ok if he isnt.

  87.  #87Elsie on June 7, 2013 at 9:57 am

    Ok I wish I could give all you girls big hugs. You have been my life line in a way that my “real” friends have not been. I cant overstate how you have helped me all.

    And Dominique to your comment…..I will tell you the reason I actually had a wonderful time last night was because of YOU. There was one part where I thought oh, he didnt say I look pretty….and then I thought, goodness, he has done so much other stuff, and I just started smiling thinking of you…..

    My question for you Dominique is this – I cant seem to wrap my head around it – if you only focus on the good stuff – is that sort of giving them “permission” to do the bad stuff – like you are in a way telling them its ok not to open doors, pull out chairs, tell you you are pretty? Is it just accepting crumbs if you only look with rose-colored glasses?

  88.  #88Mercedes on June 7, 2013 at 10:07 am

    Elsie: It’s things like this – ” not great at doing the relaitonship thing ” – that you keep reinforcing and those kind of reinforcements keep you seeing what you’re missing out on.

    You believe he is not good at the relationship thing. He believes it too. You reinforce it every time he “misses” on something (in your eyes).

    You believe he is not a good communicator. He believes it too. You reinforce it every time you get upset because he didn’t say something you wanted him to say.

    Your beliefs about him are repeated over and over and over in your head and in your words on this blog and in your words to HIM. You continue to remind him (and yourself) of the areas where he needs improvement. You seem to believe these are areas where he really needs to change because it would make all of the “different” “unique” and “really BIG deal” experiences you two have so much better.

    Take a step back Elsie. Spend some time alone. Focus on how to care for yourself. Focus on how YOU can remember to bring a sweater with you if you get cold so you don’t expect him to put an arm around you. Focus on how you can remind him you don’t walk fast in heels without getting upset about it or blaming him. Focus on how you can take care of your own dinner if he’s not going to be able to make it on time (or how you can ask if he’s going to be late before you get upset). Focus on looking pretty without anyone else needing to tell you that you look pretty. Look pretty every single day. Get used to it. Then, when the compliments don’t come, you won’t notice and it won’t matter and when they DO come, you’ll be surprised and appreciate them.

    Focus on YOU. Not on whether or not you are going to spend the rest of your life with this man. First things first, he has to get to a place where he can put his arm around you and not give a damn who else on the planet might be watching. From there, you can start thinking further into the future.

    Much Love,

  89.  #89Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 10:17 am

    I don’t thinking it is looking with rose-colored glasses. I think it is looking with a huge miscroscope to see ever minor detail that is not *just so*. A man will open the door of a car, if he is so inclined. I have a friend with a husband who tends to do it all the time but that is him. Also I have witnessed times when he has not.

    Just recently a girlfriend was telling me she had to draw her husband’s attention to her new hairstyle because everyone else saw and commented but not him. She was not hurt by it, just matter of fact and was joking. I know for a fact that he loves her to pieces. He is always concerned about spending enough time with her and making her happy. Men just express love in their own way.

    Bad stuff is physical violence, verbal abuse, public humiliation. A woman will always notice a pretty dress and new hairstyle. not men. Ask the married women in your social circle.

  90.  #90Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 10:19 am

    Elsie: It’s things like this – ” not great at doing the relaitonship thing ” – that you keep reinforcing and those kind of reinforcements keep you seeing what you’re missing out on.

    You believe he is not good at the relationship thing. He believes it too. You reinforce it every time he “misses” on something (in your eyes).

    Yep. I said that about myself for years until one day a cd who was very interested sat down with me and had me put it in writing and I looked at it and felt vulnerable in his presence. Then I did not want to accept that about myself any more and I started this work and working on myself. These days I reinforce the opposite in my mind.

  91.  #91Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 10:24 am

    I also suspect he might feel pressure around the expensive tickets. It might be internal pressure he is putting on himself know his finances aren’t where he would like it to be, but it suspect he might have felt some pressure or a little emasculated.

    Imagine you the man and having your girlfriend pay for these expensive tickets, looking pretty like a china doll at your side and you can’t touch her because people are watching or she is too good for you. How masculine could that feel?

  92.  #92Veronica on June 7, 2013 at 10:25 am

    I went to see some work colleagues from a couple of years back. I felt so welcome and accepted and so enjoyed it that I thought of nothing beyond where I was, not even about BM. I was the youngest person there by 30 years and I loved being in the company of these women who were so themselves and so full of their own energy. I can’t tell you how good that was to experience.

  93.  #93Veronica on June 7, 2013 at 10:26 am

    Rori, I think it’s a fabulous idea that you intend working with teachers in the future. I’ve been involved in education for about 4 years and what you’re teaching is so badly needed in schools, for teachers as well as students. I’ve seen students turn around in their attitude from just one conversation.

  94.  #94Mel on June 7, 2013 at 10:27 am


    The way I see it is that “taking crumbs” is allowing someone to cross your boundaries. It’s allowing “deal-breakers” to occur and not doing anything about it.

    If something is THAT important, it becomes a requirement for me. But I don’t demand that people do/not do these things. I “speak” with my feet. When someone crosses a line, breaks a boundary, I state how I feel and I move away from that person. They are free to do whatever, but to be in my presence as a goddess, I require certain things. Anything less would be accepting crumbs.

    I guess you just have to decide what your deal-breakers are. Are they opening doors, telling you you’re pretty? Probably not.

    More than likely, these are just “nice-to-haves.”

    And to get more of those, you’re more likely to achieve this goal by being thankful and appreciative when they do occur, then complaining when they don’t.

    And just because they are things that you like, and you tell him so, doesn’t mean he will be inspired to give them to you. Men have to WANT to. If this isn’t enough, then maybe it’s time to move on.

    Or better yet, CD and you will find that you are being “filled-up” in different ways by different men until the right one steps-up and offers you all that you want AND require.

    I hope that didn’t sound harsh.

  95.  #95Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 10:37 am

    “This man did help me through a tough time”.

    I am concerned about this statement. It suggests that there is a relationship debt that you owe him.

    Helping each other through tough times is what friends do. It does not necessarily create love. It does not translate into being in love necessarily.

    How many women/men have helped their partners through college because of low finances and then when the partner “makes” it they turn around and say sorry. How many have seen each other through family crises, death and whatever else tough times. Then turn around after the turbulence and say sorry.

    What is it about him that you love, admire and respect?

  96.  #96Dominique on June 7, 2013 at 10:56 am

    Elsie – 87 – This actually does quite the reverse. It’s all tied in together – releasing expectations while trusting at the same time, all the while focusing on all that it wonderful.

    I hate to use this analogy, but it’s all I have. Imagine a puppy. You’re training this puppy. And he did good; he didn’t pee in the house; he let you know he needed to go outside. You will praise this puppy, and the tail will wag. He will be SO happy that he made YOU happy. And he won’t likely ever pee in the house again.

    Men are much the same. Women aren’t so different either.

    The more you focus on and appreciate what feels GOOD, the more he will want to see that smile and feel that hug and your melting heart.

    Chairs and doors are little, itty, bitty things in the grand scheme of feeling loved, cared for, looked after and looked out for.

    The next time he DOES open a door for you or comment on how beautiful you look or offers you his jacket, SMILE SO BIG, and say to him – I so LOVE when you say/do that. I feel so cared for/loved (whatever other adjective fits and you want to use.)

    He may not do these things each and every time, yet you are far more likely to get them this way than by dwelling on when he doesn’t do them.

    I can clearly remember the early days of dating K, and he would say how beautiful I looked. Then he didn’t do it. I felt just as you do. And I dwelled on it just like you.

    Then I just decided to let it go. It was such a small thing compared to all he does do for me.

    And you know what, now he says it each time we go out again.



  97.  #97MovingMagic on June 7, 2013 at 11:48 am

    Elsie, my ex was great at opening doors, buying dinner, drinks, clothing & even jewelry for me. It did feel amazing & goddessy when we were together. I would much rather be with a man who was fully present emotionally though. As far as wishing he would have commented on your loveliness. How differently you might have felt if you had sat in your own loveliness. Men can feel shifts like that, or at least notice the change in your body language.

  98.  #98Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Do YOU Think He’s Cheating When He Really Isn’t?
    By: Claire Casey

    Most women would tell you that if two people are “together” and one of them “sees” other people, that’s cheating. I’m not convinced there’s even one guy in the world who would agree with that definition, though.

    And here’s why THAT is really, really bad for all the women in the world.

    When a woman has that definition of cheating, she often completely gives over her life to a man who isn’t doing the same. In other words, he’s “won” her and may now either a) lose interest, or b) enjoy and keep all the “benefits” of a relationship with her but never make a commitment, even though she’s made a commitment to him.

    If you hope for and want to be married someday, you could lose years of your life this way, waiting for a man who isn’t waiting for you.

    So how SHOULD you define cheating?

    In my world, “cheating” is a word reserved only for two situations.

    First, where two people have made a clear and explicit agreement to date only each other and one of them breaks that agreement.

    And second, in a marriage when one person “dates” (meaning sees because they’re sexually or deeply emotionally interested in) another.

    Why you should (both) date other people until you are (both) ready to commit

    There’s a big difference between dating and exclusivity. If you are a woman who is seeking a committed, exclusive relationship or marriage, one of the best things you could do to secure a commitment is to NOT be so easily won!

    I’m not at all saying “play hard to get” – I’m saying look for the man who is going to commit, and don’t stop looking until you find him!

    This actually not only keeps you from losing years of your life with a man who isn’t going to commit, it also makes you extremely desirable among men!

  99.  #99Daria on June 7, 2013 at 12:34 pm

    im feeling very very pist off turned off drained by men right now


    i feel worried about getting ‘stuck’ in a rut of feeling this way

    on the toher hand, im not so driven to initiate, or feel bad almost at all when i do initiate and am turned down (by guy ‘friends’ for hanging out)

    i’m pretty sure i’ll feel much much better after i do my warm-up (T-tapp workout)

    i think not doing it gets my hormones slumping and me feleing lonelyu

  100.  #100Daria on June 7, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    i also want to get or take some great new pictures for online

  101.  #101Daria on June 7, 2013 at 12:39 pm

    Elsie – I learned from Rori to handle this by just standing by the door looking helpless and smily

    and when he inquires whatsup say, oh i dont feel good opening my own door when im with a man

    last year i had practiced this so much it was second nature, and ALL men opened the doors for me, even many telling me they had NEVER done that for a woman before (and really enjoying it)

    my self esteem / dating practice fell off a bit this year after some health challenges so I want to get back in the habit of that (door)

    it really made all my dates feel so much more romantic (men really appreciated that)

    It DOES take a lot of bravery to stand there feeling embarassed and awkward and speak my truth and require Romantic treatment (not just business standard)

  102.  #102Daria on June 7, 2013 at 12:45 pm

    las year i was so accustomed to this i accidentaly stood by car doors when i was actually with my mom and girlfriends!

    i LOVED that powerful queen and romantically respected feeling

    then i see now even before health challenges, had an energy switch where i was initiating – calling and going over and masculine vibing with guy Friends… and slowly that wore down my romantic vibe…

    plus the Electrical Hypersensitivity then took me out the dating ‘loop’ ie i got out of practice as i wasnt answering my phone for dates and

    i was spending all my time hanging out with guy friends

    now its been several new dates and ive just put my foot in the water with the requiring opening doors thing

    to me its a great marker of how a guy will behave towards me, and how romantic it can become… it really inspires them and brings out a side to them THEY may not even know


    i was gona write i wish i never told Security man i’d be his friend and go over there to visit him…

    it cost me a lot of ‘vibe’

    and im choosing to turn all that around on a dime

    I can handle the pressure/awkwardness/embarassment of standing there and saying that i dont feel good opening my door!

    yay ! 🙂

    it feels tight in my chest

    i love the tight feeling in my chest

    and that feels like smiling

  103.  #103Daria on June 7, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    Elsie – I haven’t followed the story except for this post and the one before –

    And… I will perhaps disagree with some of the other coaches here (Mercedes and Dominique)

    for me these ‘little things’ – telling me I look beautiful, putting his arm around me when i feel cold, Not rushign me across the street when I am walking slower, not that ‘distant im still thinking about my rushed day at work’ thing

    are VERY important for me to feel romanced (now Dominique and Mercedes have significant others and I don’t, I’ve only have extensive experience dating many men)

    It’s very important for me to ‘nip that in the bud’ when it’s come up for me with men. Otherwise it seems the behavior degenerates, I feel worse and worse over time, and … WORST OF ALL HE SEEMS TO LOSE INTEREST !!!!

    I will literally STOP in the middle of walking . Look upset if I feel upset. And wait for him to to come back and check on me.

    I will say something like “I’m feeling a bit bad, I don’t feel good walking so fast… what do you think?”

    I notice whenever I REQUIRE the romantic behavior, it really seems to snap the man to… out of their heads and into pleasing ME

    Rori has said men can get one tracked mind, and forget stuff when they’re in a rush… ie forget the romantic details


    So i will stand and require them, I am the number one priority.

    This is without ANY blame words, and with either an amused (and authentic) smile, or else with a ‘scared worried look” and a vulnerable shaky sharing of my feelings – I’m feeling a bit left behind, I feel rushed, I’m feleing disconnected

  104.  #104Daria on June 7, 2013 at 12:58 pm

    it’s up to ME to not allow the relationship to go into ‘head mode’ and let business overrule Romance

    thats where my strenght comes in, because unless he’s ‘good at relationship’ he CANT do this himself. He counts on ME to set whats important Romantically!

    And I have to be strong enough to stand up to him – by just standing there and sharing without attacking – and require that.

    For OUR relationship. He will respect me! He will find a new HIM in himself. He will ENJOY a whole different experience than the business mode he may have been in with other women.

    And he will likely start picking up the new romantic behavior himself (becoming more ‘good at relationship’)

    This is that Diva power. I always felt so special and complimented when I did this with men and it was their first time. They fell all over themselves to tell me I’m a lady, and unlike any other women, and just… WOW. They seemed to be having a ball.

    (I had one man who did not respond well to the door opening – 1! – and that was not a good ‘sign’ as we were not on the same page of what we wanted)

  105.  #105Daria on June 7, 2013 at 1:07 pm

    I agree with Moving Magic about sitting in your own loveliness… that really can shift the energy as well.

    For requiring romantic things that I haven’t before… I’m planning (with the men whom i havent’ required it before) to say :

    ‘Oh i noticed I feel better not opening my door when I’m with a man , so I don’t want to do that anymore. It doesn’t feel romantic to me.’


    ‘you know, I realized I don’t actually feel good opening my door… I don’t want to do that when I’m with a man anymore.” and just stand there (or sit there if i’m inside the car0

    I’ve had cars where literally the door banged me (I might have long pretty nails!)

    or i slipped (HIGH HEELS!! – i always reach for a guy’s OTher hand to help me up OUT of the car as well as him opening the door — it makes such a romantic connection! it could be THE little romantic connections that make the nite)

    It reminds me of being a princess or a lady in a carriage – and you know what? yOU don’t even know what an effort it is to actually open a car door and get out, in hells and a skirt and possibly nails, until you have a man doing it for you… and it feels so much more breezy and elegant

    i would NOT want to miss out on breezy and elegant. it IS worth it

    i feel kinda pist off right now thinking that my dad doesnt actually open the door for me… hmmm… how to require it from Dad…

  106.  #106Daria on June 7, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    this guy from highschool that i liked briefly but glad i didnt ask him to the dance cuz i heard he dissed me,

    well he looks and sounds different and hit me up on POF

    here’s the latest message from him and i like it!

    “LOL! Well I’m happy to have found you. We should get together sometime. I’d like to catch up with you and see how you’ve been. My number is XXXXXXXXXXXX send me a text or call me or give me your number and I’ll call/text you since you like men in control. That won’t be too hard for me since I’m an Egyptian man 😉

  107.  #107Lisa on June 7, 2013 at 1:12 pm

    I just had an eye opening prospective from a friend of mine…

    here it is:

    Lisa, you are looking for a relationship, but you are not giving yourself or your prospective mate nearly enough time. Neither you nor he need to make a commitment right away. I say this knowing that you will probably plunge into another relationship anyway, but when you do, realize that you have done this yourself, that there is no need to rush, and that the underlying causes of your rushing in are your feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Should you not be more generous with yourself, more relaxed and more secure? Some of the feelings that you mistake for romantic love have to do with anxiety and desperation. Do you want to begin your relationships like this, rushing to the person who best alleviates your feelings of anxiety and desperation?
    My take on “M” is not that he lacks generosity so much as he is comfortable with rules and with a limited lifestyle. You seem to be more expansive and openminded than him. He likes the rules, even though he chooses different rules than others. He wants to narrow his life’s focus and stick to a program. You are more adventurous and more driven by the heart than he is. He is more reserved and more driven by his mind. He looks for comfort and you look for release. These are not irreconcilable differences, but they are the obvious ones. Be careful. You cannot see these differences now, but you will.
    I can’t say anything else. You will follow your heart, no matter what we say. This is great, except when you do follow your heart, you must give your heart a chance. You have to take your time. You can’t expect your heart to work as quickly as your mind.

    so, it is true… and I need to sit with this perspective and allow the feelings to arise… find the desperation and insecurity…

    and I do already see the differences… I guess my question is, being that they are so vastly different can it work… if I do the work on myself?


  108.  #108Mercedes on June 7, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Personally, it feels better to me to receive romantic treatment because it feels good to J. It feels much less romantic when I “require” it or when I stand there looking “helpless and smily”. This is where I would disagree with Rori’s teachings (although I didn’t read where she said to “look helpless” so I never commented on it at the time). It feels like playing games to me. I much prefer to receive because it came from his heart than to “make him” do it by requiring it. That feels icky to me.

    “it’s up to ME to not allow the relationship to go into ‘head mode’ and let business overrule Romance” – For me, that’s not up to me at all. I’m ready to receive and he gives because he knows how much I appreciate it when he gives. He does not give because “I will literally STOP in the middle of walking . Look upset if I feel upset. And wait for him to to come back and check on me.” It is up to him, feeling good about giving and knowing he has a woman who receives romance well, to get the relationship out of business mode. I don’t have that agenda. If I did have an agenda, that would feel more like business mode than even opening my own door would.

    I think for J, it would be annoying and he’d feel less inspired to be romantic from his heart and more inspired to wait for me to tell him when he needs to be romantic (it’s like teaching a man that you will let him know when he needs to change). By saying “I have the wrong shoes on to keep up with you today” and a laugh and smile, he decides to slow down and he matches his pace to mine. By stopping and waiting for him to come back, I would feel very controlling. I don’t like to feel that way. And J doesn’t like to be controlled. Plus, he likes a woman who can keep walking and get herself across the street if he didn’t notice her feet were hurting. Having to come back and check on me would probably make his eyes roll.

    No…Rori’s teachings on this one are not the same for me at all. Not at all.

    Much Love,

  109.  #109Mercedes on June 7, 2013 at 1:53 pm

    “Require” feels like boundaries to me. A man who doesn’t walk slow, doesn’t always open my door and doesn’t always put his arm around me are not boundaries for me. Those things are cool when they happen, but not boundaries. My boundaries are things that feel bigger to me. My boundaries are things I would leave a relationship over. None of those things would cause me to leave J. That doesn’t mean they couldn’t be boundaries for another woman, they just aren’t for me.

    Much Love,

  110.  #110Elsie on June 7, 2013 at 2:02 pm

    I like that my issues have caused others to comment and think about their situations too – its interesting. 🙂

    I want to not be needy. I believe I need way too much reassurance. I dont think its healthy, but I think it comes from three things 1. my mother 2. the fact I was with a man that was so feminine energy 3. the fact that I am looking for someone else to fulfill that instead of myself.

    See…..I think (and maybe I’m wrong.) I think I have a great and perfect guy for me. I’m not saying I end up with him, I’m saying that I truly NEED someone like him to make me happy in the end. Because I dont really want the flowers and stuff without having the lightbulbs changed.

    I just went over to talk to him. I had been talking about him to a co-worker about work related stuff. And I thought long and hard. I went to him and just said simply, I appreciate that I can always count on you. He shook his head and said no you cant….I said YES. I can. Every time I have asked you for help emotionally or with stuff at the house, or at work, you are there for me. And if you cant be there for me, you let me know. And so you are always honest with me, and I just wanted to tell you that I appreciate that and it feels good that you always do what you say you are going to do and I can trust that. We then started talking about other stuff, but I was glad I said it.

    I dont know if I end up with him or not. Truly I dont. But I think that I need someone like that – I think he is good for me. I WANT to be the girl who is in charge of her own happiness and the only way to do that is to work on me.

    With him, or without him, I’m alone. I’m alone and in charge of my own happiness with him or without him.

    By the end of this summer/early fall, our situations will both be different and we should be able to be “public” etc. – that is unless there are some situations legally I cant think of at this point.

    I think that AT THAT POINT, is when our REAL relationship will start. When that happens….WHEN THAT HAPPENS….I want to be the healthiest version of me. That way, if he and I arent good together then I will know that its just that, and not the fact that I was too needy or desperate for reassurance, etc.

    Keep this advice coming. Believe it or not I TRULY am listening to all of you.

    and everyone talks about loving yourself, but other than Rori Raye, can you recommend any good books, or programs to help me do that? People always say you need to love yourself, etc. but then they never really have any concrete ways to really achieve that I feel.

    Thanks! And keep the advice coming. 🙂

  111.  #111Elsie on June 7, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    Mercedes – Boundaries are what you would LEAVE a relationship over. That is a good definition. Now, would you have that boundary and let it be crossed once, what about twice? I’m not talking obviously about violence, but other boundaries, etc. Cheating, or even lying, etc. What are other boundaries…

    I’m interested in knowing what all your boundaries are from everyone here. I think that would be interesting to find out.

    I think my boundaries are obviously the big ones – violence, cheating, lying, etc

    But the smaller (in perspective) ones are:

    1. Doing what you say you are going to do – being able to typically count on you except in extreme circumstances.

    2. Supporting me in my life – my decisions – helping me. Work, home, children. Being there for me and supporting me in those things as a partner.

    3. Working together when there are problems to try to get to a solution.

    What are all of your boundaries?

  112.  #112Elsie on June 7, 2013 at 2:08 pm

    Im very interested in the exchange between Mercedes and Daria about the romantic exchanges. Very interesting!

  113.  #113Daria on June 7, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    boundaries in dating:

    “i don’t want to drive to a man on a date. I don’t want to pay on a date. I don’t want to open my own doors”

    these things make me feel glowy and warm inside

    i feel disappointed and sad to see that people have started ‘arguing’ with me about these

    i know i heard them from Rori 😉

    anyways, they’re the difference for me from a friendship, or relationship where i don’t feel too great, and sometimes lonely, to a Romantic, Queen, Spiritual feeling relationship

    blah blah

    i feel sad i read… i feel annoyed

    all i wanted to say was : I wroked out! yay! im set to feel good for DAYS now, and feel hormonally and emotionally GREAT!

    did my T-tapp

    and yeah, I don’t feel as good on dates where the man doesn’t open the door for me, or pay for me, or drive to me

    even with men i’m crazy about… it feels a lil sad…

    once i experienced the elegance and wonder of that… i don’t really want to miss out

    and… i feel sad it seems not got… the men APPRECIATE me requiring this. and having these romantic boundaries.

    but then, im big on romance, and feeling like a queen, even up to the point of formality… i feel ;otherworldly” spiritual and important to imagine him and me on our thrones, and him paying homage to me… i want that

    and i want him to be there too, committed, and all the other basics

    to someone like me, in the moments when a man is rushing and not waiting for me, or not opening my car door, i feel lonely and sad

    and those moments can add up…

    and thers a lot of lonely and sad that there can be in a day… when instead, me graciously waiting and speaking my feelings a la Rori – could turn that around to moments and moments of connection and worship

  114.  #114Daria on June 7, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    stopping in the middle of walking, is because i dont want to follow a man who is walking too fast for me

    not opening the door for myself and standing there – looking helpless is how I perceive myself, other women may not feel or look helpless, thats just what comes up for me – is because i want to

    saying NO to what i dont want to is because I DONT WANT TO

    its not about the man. he may be inspired to pay or not, but i dont want to pay for myself. and i feel bad if i do. and i dont want to. so i share that.

    its not manipulation, its just boundaries

    i hate the way i feel reading Mercedes’ post, like my meaning is twisted and lost

    the men i’ve dated have WANTED to do these things for me, some only after i required it, and then, with JOY and APPRECIATION FOR ME

    to me it’s a gift to a man, requiring great treatment

    and ‘requiring’ is also Rori’s word

  115.  #115BeLoved on June 7, 2013 at 2:23 pm

    I have a different take on a man saying he isn’t good at relationships.
    If a man tells me he isn’t, or that he is an arsehole, or can’t give me what I want, or can’t be the man I need him to be, or my expectations are outpacing his ability to keep up, I say, “thank you for being honest!”, or, “that’s good to know about yourself” and let him sit with his feelings about it.

    I do not believe I will ever ever lose the “right” man this way, and I feel certain I am empowering him and myself by not treating him as if he is a liar, or acting as if I am his therapist, personal cheerleader, or mother who is invested in keeping up his self-esteem. It feels like “mother hen”, “I know best/better than you”, “invasive/disrespectful” to argue, feels like, chest and belly expanding, “I, I, I, *I* “, feels like batting down a pesky critter, batting away reality, something unpleasant I don’t want to see or face.

    Plus, I have yet to meet someone who is actually good at relationships who believes otherwise, I have yet to meet someone who tells me he is an arse, who is actually a knight in shining armor. I have yet to meet a man who tells me he can’t be who I need him to be, who has actually turned out to be the man I need.

    I’ve been inspired by Daria to “require” men open the door and pull out my chair for me. I get a lot of practice with this since I am one of 3 women working with hundreds of men.
    A few of them got wide-eyed at first, when I would stand there and wait, smiling,
    then over time, it has become a lot of fun, they make wide, sweeping gestures when opening the door for me, they really seem to enjoy it, and they talk and laugh and seem more comfortable with me. A few of them even open the refrigerator door for me, a couple of weeks ago, one of the guys looked over at me and shushed all of the men out of the way who were standing in line for a buffet, so K (another woman) and I could move to the front of the line. Nobody grumbled, they liked it – they just forget, sometimes, I think because they work with men all day in an industrial environment, they like to know we aren’t trying to be one of the guys, as far as I can tell. The vibe has gotten much more comfortable and playful since I started practicing this.

  116.  #116Daria on June 7, 2013 at 2:27 pm

    “I have the wrong shoes to keep up with you today” is pretty much what I’d say when I did stop, and wait for him to notice

    /I would not want to limp and hurry

    I have usually said “I don’t feel good walking so fast in these shoes”

    and, I wouldn’t want my man to want me to get across the street without him really. maybe thats a difference in what different people want

    when im witha man, i enjoy the feeling of being protected and giving it ALL up to him

    i can easily get across the street open car doors, pay for msyelf, order for myself, even pick up, call, date and have sex with women (or men) – if i want to

    but when im with my man, i really like going DEEP into the abandonment of letting him take care of some of these needs that feel romantic to me

    and it feels SO wonderful

    i wouldve never thought (smh) its great

    even greater than the powerful feeling of doing it all myself (and thats pretty great in itself too)

  117.  #117Daria on June 7, 2013 at 2:29 pm

    BeLOVED – yeah! it feels FUN! huge smiles and NEW ROMANTIC inspirations, a new type of energy and ENVIRONMENT… one that only makes sense – and can be enjoyed… with WOMEN!


    i feel all smily

  118.  #118Daria on June 7, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    guys ive dated (NiceCD) have even picked up the habit and now open the car doors for all women they’re around (I saw it!) then they feel good about themselves! and they’re now one of the “special” ones, who know how to do this without seeming ‘unpracticed and awkward’

  119.  #119Daria on June 7, 2013 at 2:32 pm

    I love the WIDE SWEEPING GESTURES 🙂 🙂 🙂

  120.  #120Mercedes on June 7, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Elsie: My boundaries all feel big to me…that’s why they are boundaries. Some of the stuff you mention are just ways a man would be if I were to stay long enough for our relationship to grow (like treating me well and problem solving together, etc). For me, boundaries are things that he knows could never happen or he would lose me. Some of the stuff has happened in the past and when we got back together, they became boundaries. Other things are just things I can’t have in my life but that he’s always known about.

    Examples: He can’t cheat on me or do things that would make me mistrust him from a relationship standpoint. We went through this stuff before and I can’t deal with it again. This one came out of a real place of anger and it is firm. I won’t last another five minutes in a relationship where there is another woman involved, even as a friend if she’s not a friend of both of ours.

    No illegal drugs at all. Nothing. I’ve worked too hard in my career to ever risk it and I have children who I set an example for. I have zero patience or tolerance for it in our lives.

    No violence is a boundary but not one I’ve ever communicated to him because there’s never been a need. He’s not a violent man at all.

    Other things that I’ve told him in the past but I can’t remember right now because it’s been so many years since we’ve even discussed anything like boundaries. At one time, I had to work with him through what I can and cannot handle and we had many discussions around it. We were apart and he was trying to win me back and I, for me, had to make it clear what I could and couldn’t be a part of. Now, we just sort of “flow” and boundaries are still boundaries but they’re also just part of who we are. So much a part that I can’t even remember what it is that was so important I felt I had to tell him about it.

    Two words come to mind where my boundaries are concerned “trust” and “respect”. If we always treat each other respectfully and if we can always trust the other one, I believe we’ll be fine. Most of my boundaries fall into one of those two categories anyway. 🙂

    Much Love,

  121.  #121Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    I don’t want to drive to men
    I don’t want to open doors
    I don’t take calls after 10pm
    I don’t pay on dates
    I don’t sleep without commitment
    I don’t housesit
    I don’t clean after their animals
    I don’t clean
    I don’t babysit
    I don’t do anything related to business
    I don’t give directions to my house

  122.  #122LoveAlways on June 7, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    Great conversation flow about boundaries sirens!! Love it!

  123.  #123Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    If a man don’t open the door I just stand back. Even one I had history with before Rori started opening the doors and he did notice it.

  124.  #124Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 2:52 pm

    Would I drop a good or great man for not opening the door? No. I trust that he can learn and will do so if he is inclined to because it makes him feel good about himself

  125.  #125Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 2:58 pm

    I believe when dating boundaries are a little different than when in a committed relationship. There is an area of interdependence where the boundaries merge as I give up some parts of my individuality for the relationship

  126.  #126April Rose on June 7, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    Do boundaries and feelings go together?

    For example, I don’t want to feel abandoned…

    WM works such long hours. He says he’s doing it for us, so we can have a nice life together. We work together, and I like to take breaks and take evenings off, and have vacations (he has put five days of vacation into our calendar this year, and that’s five days more than last year).

    I have stated many times that “I don’t want to talk about work all the time”. I need to keep some time free of it. He would talk about it anytime. Often, I have to draw his attention to his having crossed my boundary.

    Could it be an incompatibility in values?

  127.  #127Luzydel on June 7, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    Was going to join eharmony, but it is so damn expensive! with that money I can take myself on a date and flirt with strangers and who knows maybe one of them approach me.

  128.  #128Syreena on June 7, 2013 at 4:02 pm

    103: Daria, I really felt you. Who you are and what you need to make you feel romanced.

    Elsie, to me it’s what makes me feel good and what needs I want to be met to make that make me me feel good that matte to me, And for you the important thing is what you want. We are all different. We all individually express what we want. And the right man for us wants to meet our needs.That is not being needy. Being needy is when we try and make and center in on a specific man give us what we need.

    So if the things you mentioned are what you need to feel good in a romantic relationship, they are what you need.

    The only problem I personally would have is I would not want to hear that I looked pretty, hot, etc, from a man saying this because he knew it was I wanted to hear or had been directed by me to say this,
    I would need it to be authentic and not be said to charm.
    To me that would feel worse than him not saying it at all.
    I have heard charming men say things like, ” just say the right thing at the right time and tell her what she wants to hear.”

    I would feel devastated and feel played and manipulated if I was on the receiving end of that.
    It feels such a fine subtle line.

    One thing that made me feel sad was hearing that you said you wanted to look pretty for him.
    That made me feel sad.

    It feels better to me when I hear a woman say she wants to make herself look pretty so she feels good about herself.

  129.  #129Syreena on June 7, 2013 at 4:16 pm

    126: April RoseNo Gravatar says:

    “Do boundaries and feelings go together?”

    To me it feels like they do. Some feel like dealbreakers, others I am able to tolerate and put up with.

    For example, I don’t want to feel abandoned
    We feel abandoned when we abandon our feelings and ignore then by handing our feelings over to another person to take care of.
    When we do this we abandon ourselves.
    So the way not to feel abandoned is not to do this.

    WM works such long hours. He says he’s doing it for us, so we can have a nice life together. We work together, and I like to take breaks and take evenings off, and have vacations (he has put five days of vacation into our calendar this year, and that’s five days more than last year).

    I have stated many times that “I don’t want to talk about work all the time”. I need to keep some time free of it. He would talk about it anytime. Often, I have to draw his attention to his having crossed my boundary.

    Could it be an incompatibility in values?
    It would appear to be the case.
    But one that can be negotiated.

    Appears to me that you are taking care of yourself and not abandoning yourself and drawing his attention to this. And if he can think of a workable solution that will work for you both.

  130.  #130Daria on June 7, 2013 at 4:30 pm

    heres a contrast with a guy who is reasonably ‘nice’ yet only came to see me once, and complained about having to see me. he seems feminine energy to me. the latest:

    him: What’s the matter ?? U need to see a handsome man ?? Lol
    3 hours ago

    me: aww 🙂
    yeah it would actually feel fun to see you
    3 hours ago

    him: Lol …. Maybe tonight let me see how I feel . U never text me back lol


    im not gonna answer that lol smh

  131.  #131Daria on June 7, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    so i got smoe guys i feel drained by asking me out in ways that dont feel good to me lol


    pffffff 😛

    i’m experimenting to see whether its my patterns that get me to not want to answer them or whether it’s something from them tha tdoesnt feel good

  132.  #132Daria on June 7, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    this one guy is complaining that im being ‘mean’ and i do feel like i get kinda tight and eye roll blow at my hair look at my nails dismissive when i felt angry speaking to him

    i can get more into that feeling and then i will feel more comfortable feleing angry!!! and be less likely to continue an energetic connection that doesnt feel good – ie things will get more clear –

    whereas going into the ‘dismissive tone’ pattern willl maks whats realy going on


  133.  #133Rori Raye on June 7, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Boundaries – the whole concept is so important to me – and I see it all differently – so, Mercedes, I’m going to repost your comment and jump off of it in a new post! Love, Rori

  134.  #134Daria on June 7, 2013 at 4:54 pm

    one guy whos been contacting me sporadically for years is like: what are you doing

    then hes like wanna hang out with me ?

    then im like ok that might feel cool

    then he texts: ok when?

    and then i felt all not motivated to answer – might be my stuff , like not attracted to the men who are actually showing up and wanting to spend time w me right now –

    but its also cuz i dont like making plans on text. So i wrote that now.


    the second one was a CD from yesterday. I felt good with him but he seemed insecure, talkign about people know in 5 min if they like each other, and seemed a lil needy… suddenly remembered something to do when we were going to eat, and was gonna ask me out for the nite, i called back and declined…

    today hes like, i want to take yu to Monterey for the weekend (that would be a road trip, ive met him only once, and this weekend is my birthday)

    and he wants to ;’cuddle and lay with you’ that feels annoying, i feel turned off and drained

    rolling my eyes thinking of teacherly (dismissive) explaining to these men that i dont want a road trip, i dont feel comfortable cuddling and laying yet (we havent even kissed!)

    this guy is ‘nice’ but i’ve learned ‘nice’ only means ‘insecure’ it doesnt mean they wont be players or whatevers too after they get some confidence

    so my NV says i ‘shouldn’t have to explain’ and i dont want to explain, i want to share feelings… hmmm

    thats interesting… didnt think of that before

    now this third guy i had a date with tuesday and he seems complainy, complainy that im ‘mean’ complainy that i dont want to lean into his body for a kiss,

    complainy that ‘i didnt like the kiss’

    now he says can he come over and i felt excited like yes, i would actually feel awesome to see you!

    and then he gets all vague and starts talking about the hot tubs or going to a motel and staying hte nite

    eye roll!



    these men i feel drained by

    theyre the ones coming my way right now that i see

  135.  #135LoveAlways on June 7, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    Doing a siren make over from the inside out:

    Dating myself
    Falling in love with myself (all over again)
    Loving myself
    Taking good care of myself
    Creating a better everything because I deserve better
    Re-drawing my boundaries (self respect & priority)
    Circular dating (getting needs met)
    Intimacy ????????
    Life quality (the company I keep)

  136.  #136Daria on June 7, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    i did get one fun feeling guy calling me, but i felt reserved cuz he sounded a bit ‘immature’ and had his car ‘in the shop’

    and his phone hung up twice and the second time he dindt call back…

    we’ll see

    i want to beat myeslf up for feeling good talking to a man like this who i judge as ‘immature’ and ‘won’t know how to treat me or want to treat me that way’

    but after the whole NiceCD dating experience i don’t want to feel drained by men i don’t feel good with iether… that is NOT good feeling either

  137.  #137Daria on June 7, 2013 at 5:13 pm

    some of the men i’ve been hung up on…

    with bookie, i felt the fun from the first exchange, felt good with him from the first meeting… but did NOt feel like rushing into sex or anything, he just went down on me a lot. and wanted me to go down on him. but i dindt i wanted to wait until i wanted to, which i was planning on when i felt really satisfied with the sex. which we finally had, but just once, and then we dindt talk anymore after a big fight (turns out he went to jail and thas why i never heard from him after)

    with Guywho, i thought he was attractive, probably to other girls, but not really ‘my type’ too kinda pretty boy and playerish

    (then he started to look omg handsome on my hormones)

    with Getright, he was handsome, but not totally 100% the way i like a guy, like i thought he smelled kinda weird not that instant turn on way, but i thought i could ‘make it work’ as i really wanted to havea guy …

    (he doesnt smell funny to me now)

  138.  #138Daria on June 7, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    mmm not sure if i want to keep on using my thoughts this way… hmmm

  139.  #139Femininewoman on June 7, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    BeLoved I love your post about how things flow in your work environment.

    I am connected with a church where I know one particular lady will just stand and look at the steps without going up or down the platform. What happened was that several men jumped up to help her. Today whenever a female is going up those steps there is a man to hold her hand to help her. Sometimes it seems the guys are competing with each other. I find it interesting to watch how some women gracefully and elegantly take the men’s hands and say thank you. While others seemingly ignore or just barely touch the man, Interestingly for the most part it is the single females who seem to be oblivious of the male chivalry.

  140.  #140Luzydel on June 7, 2013 at 5:21 pm

    Was talking to a friend, and I told her I don’t know if I can live with a man again. After that I felt my chest congested with feelings, is that true? or am I just afraid of opening myself to live in a intimate relationship with a man?

  141.  #141Daria on June 7, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    mmm just realizing getting married to her best friend at 30 and having kids at 35 was my Cousin’s dream, not mine!

    i just adopted it bec i looked up to her

    also, i have about just my life this far, to have kids (plenty) and then im about a quarter of the way thru to seeing Great grandchildren…

    and then i can go for living forever as well!

  142.  #142Daria on June 7, 2013 at 5:55 pm

    Syreena – really? or rather saying oh wow! I feel surprised and excited that it came through (my sense of regal romance) and inspired you to comment on it!

    I’d feel excited for it to come thru in my vibe

  143.  #143Daria on June 7, 2013 at 5:59 pm

    just feeling so excited!

    got inspired to put “Heart Connection Toolkit” on my phone to listen to, now that i dont have an ipod

    that SO shifts and softens my vibe!

    smh ! nv – what have i been doing!

    I love myself!

    I love my pace!

  144.  #144Daria on June 7, 2013 at 6:02 pm

    I’m so pleased I said that!

    I love my pace!

    I love my rhthym!

    I love my way!

    I love my ways!

    My pretty ways!

    I love my fears!

    I love my nauseas!

  145.  #145Daria on June 7, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    thank you Daria for showering, and shaving my legs, and caring for them, and for my toes and scrubbing my feet, and planning on doing my laundry!!

    MMMM i love you!

    and thank you for asking and turning off the Wireless

  146.  #146Daria on June 7, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    omgosh i feel SO GOOD!

  147.  #147Zia on June 7, 2013 at 6:57 pm

    Elise I can’t remember if I (or anyone else here) asked this before, but have you read the book Attached?

  148.  #148Heart on June 7, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    I feel a little triggered reading Daria’s posts lately…Just a lot of chasing seems to be going in her real life with men…just all round low difficulty and anti-siren behavior from what seems to be a Rori Raye poster child.
    At the end of the day…she just comes across as someone who gets used for sex and dumped….and lies to herself about it being for her satisfaction.
    Years on this website …where is the romance, adoration and cjrishing in her life? I see none of it.
    I’m sorry Daria….I know this will trigger you but I’m feeling disillusioned and judgemental and also sad and concerned about you.
    Maybe this is Wrong…then I’ll be the bad person and encourage you to get some practical hands on advice and some insight into understanding men. Maybe then we won’t have to witness you being in so much Pain.

    I say this with love and concern. A little discipline and self cntrol might be exactly what your free spirit heart is crying for…love & light.

  149.  #149Zia on June 7, 2013 at 7:08 pm

    Syreena – with regards to your question about online dating, no I don’t believe there can be a complete connection without meeting someone face to face.

    This is what I’ve found from years of experience with online chatting (as far back as 16 years old). You can see a photo, have lots of conversations via email, even on the phone, but until you meet in person there isn’t a “whole picture”. The vibe or connection can either go up or down when you do finally meet that person.

    This is why I never get too excited with people I speak to online until I meet them.

  150.  #150Heart on June 7, 2013 at 7:21 pm

    Elsie – thank you for reminding me that the insecurities and fears do not end. Thank you for making it clear that Happy-ever-after doesn’t really exist…and everything is a new chapter towards healing.
    It gives me perspective and encouragement to keep working on myself.

  151.  #151Daria on June 7, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    ahh i feel scared to read what I noticed written about me and my posts and ‘chasing” and thats where the blurb i read ended… sigh

    i want to get away from the habit of finding out what people say about me … when i feel scared it isn’t something that will feel good

    i want to just look away and keep on looking at what feels good, instead of search for what doesn’t or even might not

    i feel scared of missing out… and i remember i choose to believe theres no missing out , ever

  152.  #152Daria on June 7, 2013 at 7:35 pm

    so my friend from highschool who is kinda liking me now, was being all rude to me on text yesterday , then was like Come hang out iwth us!

    and now he wants to go out with me!

    and i was all friendly towards him on the phone and i feel disappointed… like i let myself down as far as authenticity




    you[‘re doing awesome!

  153.  #153Daria on June 7, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    i feel glad bookie doesn’t have a phone now (i think) it makes it easier for me to relax about him calling me (perhaps) … i just have a beter ‘vibe’ between us associated with when he didn’t have a phone

    im barely thinking of him at all – defensive noticing regarding about ‘chase’ commetn like ist aht why i feel ashamed i feel the urge to explain

    i feel a lil tight

    im feeling so good overall now, and good shifting myself back where i was before i got ‘sick’

    feeling invincible and loved by the planet and life and the air around… feeling like the miracle has happened and i can intend outcomes and they show up fast

  154.  #154Daria on June 7, 2013 at 7:53 pm

    when i have a feeling that doesnt feel good that i ‘cathc’ i say what if i could feel GOOD feeling this feeling… and i kinda notice that its just a ‘feeling’ that comes with old images, those drop away and then it’s just a feeling, and i feel GOOD and excited kinda spatially ‘around it’, cuz i know that now I’ve healed that trigger!

    its ok for me to feel paralyzed and leaned forward and tight in my hip (for example) because now i feel it as a feeling, and i feel so good to feel something and know im healing and i will no longer unconsciously move into that feeling when i get triggered by my thoughts the way i have been!

  155.  #155Tammy on June 7, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    Femininewoman; no he is not married! I checked vital records lol

  156.  #156Daria on June 7, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    actually what my tool is… I feel this way, and what if i could feel Good, Feeling it!

    and then i feel good (theres always many feelings) around the feeling!

    I feel good feeling the feeling!

  157.  #157Daria on June 7, 2013 at 8:35 pm

    hehe that was the same wording as last time… well 🙂 hey!

  158.  #158Zara on June 7, 2013 at 9:43 pm

    How to Keep From Investing in the First Date if You’re Long-Distance
    Written by Rori Raye Saturday, 27 February 2010

    In this age of internet and long-distance dating – this letter from Vickie struck me as powerful:

    “Hello Rori,
    Your dating advice has been AWESOME–so awesome that I’ve met someone who has all of the qualities I look for in a man. And the wonderful thing is that I’ve used your Circular Dating technique to help myself from falling head-over-heals and falling into the “instant relationship” mode, which was my past behavior. He is actually doing the pursuing, and I’m just sitting back and letting him! I’m amazed at how relaxed and carefree I’ve been in our “getting-to-know-each other” phase of the relationship. Now, however, I need your advice.

    I’ve been chatting with him online now for about a month. He lives about 1000 miles away, and we will be meeting face-to-face for the first time next month during my vacation. I have a few questions about his pending visit:

    1. Should I offer him accommodations in my home if I feel secure enough to do so?
    2. What activities should I plan for the two of us when he comes for the first visit?
    3. Should I introduce him to my family members and friends yet? (Mom, brothers, best friend and her husband, etc.) I do know that we are on the same page in what we are looking for—a spouse. He’s made this clear to me several times.
    4. And the big one: How long should he stay? This one is tricky for me because he will be flying in. It’s not like he can just jump in his car and leave if the two of us don’t hit it off at all! He’s even asked my advice about this. I avoided answering because I simply didn’t know how to answer him.

    Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated. This will be my first date in several years! He seems to be a really good guy–a keeper–so far; and I don’t want to blow this before we ever get a chance to really get to know each other.

    Thanks so much, Vickie”

    >>>>Here’s my answer:

    Vickie – First – I’m so thrilled for you that this has happened, and that you’re seeing such a dramatic change from using my Tools…Now – this is going to be more challenging when you see him in person – IF you’re attracted to him.

    So… STOP!!! You are running ahead on all burners, and you haven’t even MET this guy!!

    Look at it this way: Nothing – absolutely nothing happens until you meet.

    The chemistry has to be there for him (notice I say “him,” because chemistry can GROW for YOU – that’s how it’s supposed to work). And there’s no way to know what will happen in the first 5 minutes of your meeting.

    So please stick with what you’re doing – Circular Dating (except when he’s here – he deserves your full attention if that’s what he wants – unless he’s also traveling on business or to see friends, as well as meeting you…) – and don’t become invested in this. Here’s some ways you can help yourself:

    >>This is DATE # 1 – do not make more out of it than that, even though he flew to you.

    >>PLAN NOTHING!!!! Eat when you feel like it, walk, talk – let HIM make the decisions about all this.

    >>Do NOT entertain him, or FEEL like you need to entertain him.
    And if you catch or that you’re automatically starting to feel like you need to or want to or ARE entertaining him – stop yourself.

    >>What you want to do is just BE with him.

    >>If money isn’t an issue for him, he should stay in a hotel so he can run this experience the way HE wants to.
    Let him book the hotel, unless he asks you to do it for him. Don’t offer. Say you don’t know how to work this…but that you’re feeling staying separately – with him in a motel or hotel would feel best to start.
    If, after a couple of days he wants to stay in your home and it feels good to you (I assume you live alone) – that’s fine.

    >>You know the fun places near where you live – so if he asks what you’d like to do – give him the information, and share what would feel best and most fun for you – not what you THINK would be a good idea.

    >>If you’re getting along with him, and you like to cook, you can offer him a home-cooked dinner.
    Normally I would say NEVER DO THIS – but he’s flown all this way, so you have to give BACK something.
    I don’t want you taking him somewhere and paying, so cooking him dinner (and letting him help you shop if he likes, and help you in the kitchen) is a fine compromise.

    >>Giving back is very different from feeling like you OWE him something. Accept the fact that he flew out and consider it the wonderful thing that you deserve.

    >>You get to feel – and be – casual. The investment is NOT YOURS – it’s HIS – as it SHOULD BE!!! And I want you to be okay with that.
    Share your feelings about all this – the pressure of having him fly so far and how to handle it. This will help take the pressure OFF.

    >>Ask him what he thinks instead offering your own opinions. If he asks for your advice, you can say “I don’t know” – or share with him what would feel good to YOU.

    >>Do not bring him to a family or friends gathering on purpose so they can meet him (like to a special dinner at your parent’s home).
    Anything else – a party with your friends, an invitation for a double or group date from curious friends or family – really feel how YOU feel about it – and don’t do anything that feels like some kind of obligation or test, or that might be stressful for either or you.

    >>The idea is to let him run this thing. So, if something would feel like fun for you, and you’re SURE it’s not because you want to “move this relationship forward,” ask HIM what he’d like to do.

    >>Now – all this is under the assumption that you LIKE him when you meet him. He may, after all, not be as advertised. He may look different, sound different, feel different, smell different than you imagine and than you like. So, handle that with grace – you owe him nothing.

    >>So – about how long he stays. This is a big experiment, an adventure with no rules. So you’re going to have to make them up.
    If you’re letting him run things, he’ll ask you. You’ll talk. You’ll share concerns.
    If you’re having fun, he’ll stay longer.
    If he doesn’t think this is working for him, he may make an excuse and go home
    OR – and this is important to watch for – if you’re having sex, he might stay way too long just because it feels good to him, and he can just go home and that’ll be it.

    >>You’ll have to be REALLY careful with your investment around sex.
    If you have sex – make sure it’s not allowing him to overstay if he has no real intentions toward you.
    If you don’t have sex – you’re way safer, but it might not be as much fun.
    Be okay with whatever choice you make – there’s no way to know how you’ll feel until you feel whatever you feel.

    >>If you’re not crazy about him, and you want him to leave, you’ll have to tell him this isn’t working for you, and you’d feel better cutting it short now.

    >>This is just a first date with a lot more pressure.

    Vickie, will you let us know how it goes? Perhaps I can incorporate what you’ve learned from this experience into a series of help for long-distance situations.

    Love, Rori

  159.  #159Daria on June 7, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    so now what im feeling is…

    i was coming to write I feel in love with bookie

    but really i feel greatful for this experience of what it feels like to be in love

    and whats cool about it

    like you feel like you could really trust a man

    like talk to him and really say the truth the best friend truth of whats going on

    really really feel like he’s on your side closer than family so ‘together’ so ‘legit’ so ‘thru the universe trust crime buddies’

    super super solid like your right hand man

    that ish feels COOL

    and now i remember this is what i liked about the feeling with Guywho too

    and ok so its ‘made up’ because i was leaning forward

    and got myself attached =- in love

    but this is what i have to look forward to… in the future…

    in my Real relationship

    its gonna feel like that

    like whispering across the night sky

    and hearing the responses



    there. knowing.


    i feel blush

    i feel EXCITED!

  160.  #160Zara on June 7, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Polli says:

    This is my first post. Love this website….thanks Rori for all the things you are teaching us all. And I have learned alot from the other posters also. Thanks alot everyone.
    Here is my problem. I have become involved in a long distance relationship. I really care alot about him. I THINK he cares about me, but I am not 100% sure. I have gotten into an online/phone sexual relationship with him. This is not something I ever saw myself doing. But here I am. It is very hot, I find myself enjoying it as much as he does. I would like to have a future with him, but based on what I have read on this site not so sure I am going about it the best way. Sometimes he takes me for granted, which I hate. I lean back and he comes close again. Or maybe he is coming close because he wants sex. He is in the middle of a divorce and this is the only sex he is having (so he says). Anyway, should I stop doing this? Naturally I am afraid if i do he will dump me…..but in my heart I know if he does he would have eventually anyway. But on the other hand, I am having fun just as much as he is. We plan to meet after the divorce is final, in the fall. Any advice for me?

    Saturday, 27 February 2010 8:47pm

    >>>>Rori Raye says:

    Polli – you’re not going to like this advice. Don’t read if you don’t want to hear it. …There IS NO RELATIONSHIP HERE.
    No matter what it feels like to you, no matter what he says – You are the phone-sex girl – only you’re not even getting paid for it.
    If it’s fun, if he’s your for-free phone sex guy (talk about safe sex…), great – but (did you see the movie Valentine’s Day with Anne Hathaway’s way of making a living through fantasy phone sex?) you might as well go into that line of work – it’s very lucrative.
    You haven’t met him in person. Nothing happens until you meet him in person.
    What you do or don’t do now has absolutely no effect on the outcome

    Sorry if this hurts – but I am here to tell you the truth so you can do right by yourself.
    Love, Rori

    Sunday, 28 February 2010 12:14pm

  161.  #161Daria on June 7, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    >>Do NOT entertain him, or FEEL like you need to entertain him.
    And if you catch or that you’re automatically starting to feel like you need to or want to or ARE entertaining him – stop yourself.

    Hehe 🙂 this is funny because a bit9ch will catch herself doing it and like OMG what do i do nwo? keep going with it keep going with it? lol

    i laugh in my heart

    i miss my bestfriend my godsister

    i wonder if she was dissing me

    when i was lil i heard my best friend diss me and it hurt


    i feel like i got cut in half and now i feel like theat repeats

  162.  #162Zara on June 7, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    Bonnie says:

    Thank you so much Rori for taking your heartache and horrible relationships- and doing the work for me! I am seperated- from a man who after 18 years- I could live with no more! We not only haven’t kissed in 18 years- after we decided to stop infertility and adopt- we didn’t have sex for 8 years-(I could say more) but I do not want to save the relationship- there never was any chemistry so there is none to go back to….
    Well, I joined a few dating online sites- and yep- before you know it melted into a guy with a way with words. We have only chatted every day for about 10 days- but last week I knew he was pulling away- and thanks to your email tips- I was able to draw him back : ) wow! it worked so quickly–
    I just finished your e-book and am feeling like a sponge- I want to read more and learn more-
    I am on a budget- being a single mom now!

    I don’t feel like doing circular dating- but I will-
    I just want to stay feeling the love I feel from David-
    but as we have no plans to meet “til we know it’s time” and we have had phone sex- like never anything I’ve ever thought of doing before- OY I better start circular dating pronto!!

    Thank you for being you and coaching me to be me!

    Saturday, 15 May 2010 5:57pm

    >>>>>Rori Raye says:

    Bonnie, Welcome, and I’m so happy for you that you’re moving forward – YES! Circular Date!! Please don’t get your feelings invested in this one man – it’s so easy to create many Imaginary Relationships online – it’s not real – doesn’t even have a CHANCE of being Real until you meet – and this guy sounds like fun for you right now! Love, Rori

    Saturday, 15 May 2010 9:03pm

  163.  #163Daria on June 7, 2013 at 9:51 pm

    “>>You know the fun places near where you live – so if he asks what you’d like to do – give him the information, and share what would feel best and most fun for you – not what you THINK would be a good idea.”

    This is great for any date. Thank you Zara.

  164.  #164Daria on June 7, 2013 at 9:53 pm

    i am the blog like a banana slug

    everyone else is my spots

    they hate me

    they live on me

    i am the banana slug

    who feels the wetness

    on the skin of me

    who jiggles

    all the way thru

    i forgot!

    jiggle all the way thru

    i am t he banana slug

    i feel jiggly all the way thru

    i have no heart

    i have no womb

    i am jelly

    all the way thru

    not even a banana slug now

    just jelly yellowish color

    i wanna be that

    it feels restful to my heart

    i am sticky

    men stick in me


    banana slug power


    i feel good liek this

  165.  #165Zara on June 7, 2013 at 9:54 pm

    alana says:

    Dear Rori & anyone who can help,
    I apprecaite all your advise and wisdom.
    Im in a relationship with someone long distance and we have fallen in love. He is scared to take the relationship to the next level and meet me because he has been told to stay clear of long distance relationships.
    He is my souls counterpart, and I cannot just sit back and allow him to be taken by other local women. He really loves me but is scared of long distance relationships because of all the negative skeptical things he has heard or read.
    Surely, real love is worth pursuing and giving a try isnt it?
    Im 31 years old and I’ve dated many men before, but nobody has the chemistry that we share. There has never been a moment of akwardness between us. We just totally accept each other and have many similar interests. We meet on webcam and chat for hours. Our love is so strong that I cannot bear being apart from him, and Im sure he feels the same way.
    I know someone who moved overseas to marry the man she loved. They have been happily married for a decade. They initially started out i a long distance relationship. Surely it can work. But we will never know if we never try.
    I can always move overseas to be with him, near him. Which is what we both would like. But the fear of being apart initially is keeping us from even meeting face to face. Of course at first there might be some distance travelling back and forth to visit each other, but for true love isn’t it worth sacrifice?
    Nobody likes being apart from the man they love. But it is better to have loved than never loved at all. In the same way isn’t it better to try something than to be overwhemled by negativity and not never try?Then regret it for the rest of our life.
    How can I convince him to give us a try? And how can I assure him I will move overseas to be with him if we get very serious, without sounding needy?

    Friday, 6 August 2010 10:47am

    >>>>Rori Raye says:

    alana – since you haven’t met him – you know nothing about him. Chemistry is IMPOSSIBLE. He can’t really love you – nor can you really love him.
    If you want to go for broke and can afford it – get on a plane, land on his doorstep (tell him you’re coming) and see what happens. I wouldn’t hold my breath that it will be anything wonderful – but you never know.
    If you can’t afford that – and be willing to go home with nothing…then stop this “relationship” now.
    You can keep talking to him, if you like – but being exclusive with him, and considering this a “relationship” is neither smart, realistic, or good for you.
    Assuming that he’s “scared” is about the worst thing you can do. For all you know – he’s married.
    Hope this helps – and we’ll all help you here. Love, Rori

    Friday, 6 August 2010 12:29pm

  166.  #166Daria on June 7, 2013 at 9:59 pm

    thick as thieves i feel eyes bulging ah as i take a hit in my heart oh i didnt know thats what it was but thats what it is

    ahhh i got my heart hit They’re thick as thieves and me i bowed out im priestess im goddess i have no ‘claim’ she says

    yes so now yall witness this Godesses!

    she says i have no claim on this man because he lives with her

    i say this is my husband girl get tah fuchk outta here

    she says hes mine

    i say hes mine

    she says well why he not with you then

    and i say well why he callin me and callin me an been always called me woman eery time he been free

    gettha fuchk outta here!

    and she says: (i dono! is this the end? is this the spatial tribunal resolved?)

    so is he my man?

    i say so


    well i dont want to date this dude till he dont live with this woman any more

    a woman anymore

    thats Been my boundary smh

    i just wanted to dip in and try being his friend

    and now i learned

    and got a rememberance of what feeling in love feels like

    ohhh i feel slippin again cuz now im thinking omg They’re in love (see this is how it happens)

    well how the fuc9k then he calls me and he calls me and he calls me and he calls me

    and he calls me and he calls me and he calls me and he calls me

    (To the Goddesses: do yall see how she’s in my head? thats really her. this is calle da psychic counsel conversation)

    so im having this argument with her in my head and i want to stop

    i wonder if i could use the Rori Raye tools here

  167.  #167Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    she came in with “you have no claim”

    and with “We’re in love”

    with images and everythign



    i am ME

    and i rock

    i vote for ME

  168.  #168Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:07 pm

    no birt9ch could knock me down

    no bit9ch could knock me down

    no bit9ch could knock me down

    no bit9ch could knock me down

    i am ME

    i am ME

    i am ME

    i am ME

    nigaz dig me

    yah they dig me

    and i dont want to hide an apologize cuz that dont do shit AN”YWAY

    i WIN

    and i lose


    but i am always Unbeatable


    the one

    the one they see

    the irresistible


    i make nigaz dicks jump


    i dono imrooling my head how am i supposed to get along with

    married people for example?

    if i make men hard


    i feel pist off

    io feel pist off

    i dont feel safe

    all these bi9ches watching me and shit

    talkin bout that bi9ch think she all that

    yeah bit9ch i AM all that

    and your niga know it too and YOU know it too and FUCCCHK

    and theyre like why she talking like that who the hell she is

    im like smh


    i HEATA drama

    i HATE this bullshit

    stuipid bitckhes running up on me and shit

    and now my knee all bruised


    i cant believe im talkin to yall like this

    i feel like im talkin to my patnas

    im feeling scared talkin like this to yall yo



    i sound crazy written down


    im crazy

    craaaazzzy thas wat Noe (CD( said


    i love me

    i am so brave

    and i am so brave

    and i am so raw bitc9hes


    hate on this!


    bit9ches cant see me

    ok fuuuck

    this is how i create my lil ‘in my head war drama’

    i want to stop

    but then what


    what will id o instead?

    what if i could feel important And loved

    or somethign like that

    what if i could heal that ‘betryal’ stuff

    and ‘competition’

    i did it before


    this feels achy in my back

    i love myself

    wow im really far on this ‘journey’ huh yall

    thas wassup, i get to talk and talk

    this is how i talk to dudes

    thats why they probably think im crazy or fascinating or hella smart

    if i start talking about the Dna and shit or making silicone cotton ball shaped cars

  169.  #169Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    i need to save a lot of what i wrote today cuz i GO

    tomorrow is my birthday 🙂

  170.  #170Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:12 pm

    im not goin out with noen of these nigaz who asked me out smh they are all not serious . and thats a GOOD reason.

    not serious = disqualified huh

    why am i still talking to them omg! maybe this is the lesson

    let guys who feel ‘drainy’ go early, even if they are ‘nice’

    ‘drainy’ is not how you want to be treated, and theres pletny of guys to date who don’t treat you in a way that feels ‘drainy’

    you want to feel like a the guy is hella into you, and feel good having spent time with them. not Drained.

    Drained does not equal good

    but how do i feel about MYSELF around them – well i do feel confident, so thats good

    ok so i m going too hard on them

    im brushing the good guys off!

    omg i had a glmispe of it

    wow but boy do the ‘good guys’ look like frogs in this particular world

  171.  #171Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    maybe i should call that guy who called 5 times back

    but whatever, no , cuz he only calls like once a month

    but i keep brushing him off


    but he doesnt know what to do and gets on my nerves

    well how do i feel about MYSELF around him?

    i feel beautiful , amazing, confident , like im the shit

    thats pretty good…. hmmm


    hehe this is exploration baby… im learning babout me

  172.  #172Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:14 pm

    so i caught myself doing something i decided not to do and i stopped myself

    ima go back to read more of Zara’s post of Rori’s

  173.  #173Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:15 pm

    do yall hate me or think im annoying? >>> where did that ocme from

    how did i feel?

    i felt scared

    im healing trauma

    i love my fear

    i love my pinched tight neck and my terror

  174.  #174Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    ok now heres something im wroried about, that i want to get straight for msyelf

    now, this girl really loves dude, damn near more than i do

    (see how i play against myself there> > i judge that since im ‘hollding back’ by not investing my heart totally, im loving him less than she is)

    like, I feel jealous like she really accepts him.
    like, she’ll cook meals for him like Rori says not to and let him move into her moms house with her- while he’s single and seeing other women (clearly me)

    and i cant/dont do all that

    so… she just wins by power of resources?

    and i also dont feel very ‘accepting’ of other women…

    does this mean she loves him more and she deserves him?

    is that waht it means when Rori says “she fully accepts HIM”?

    or is that you can accept HIm and not accept certain behaviors..

    i feel a bit confused

    do you accept him by leanign back?

    i feel lost

    is she accepting him more than i am?

    im more like, I want this and that – to get married, to live together, i dont want a man who lives with other women, i dont wnat to go see a man etc

    i feel panicked like i sound demanding?

    but yet isnt that high status diva?

    is that not accepting of him?

    i fele lost

    Dominique? accepting of him? moving him into moms house even without commitment is that accepting of him?

    is not accepting that not being accepting of Him?

  175.  #175Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:29 pm

    i feel like the poor princess

    lives in the nice castle but cant share it with her man

    but the village girl can move him in

    i feel RAGEFUL!!

    can this work against me?

    why does the princess ‘lose’ in my story… hmmm

    maybe it CAN work for her? a nd not just temporarily?



    He took care of Her.


    that feels reassuring

    i feel SCARED!

    i see a pic of them sleeping together sharing a pillow!


    actually it feels funny right now having written it down

    so what!



    i dont care what i see
    im gonna want what i want and intend to have it


    i feel gleeful

    and ima have it!

  176.  #176Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    ima have it = i feel so excited!!!

  177.  #177Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    i feel joyyyy

    i feel so happieee

  178.  #178Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:31 pm

    i like when Rori says if a man ever felt attraction for you, he will feel it again when you lean back

    that feels SO powerful for me

  179.  #179Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    like i can always go back to GREAT 🙂

    wait a minute, i was the fun Girl, she was the sad girl

    now shes the fun girl im the sad girl?


    what kinda triggerting funhouse mirror have i gotten myself in

    so much comparing, in my head

    i love my head

  180.  #180Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    this fulfuills my need for significance

    it does feel very ‘dramatic important exclusive ‘cool’ very vip in club only important Gods and Goddesses get to do this kinda thing”

    my eyes feel teary


    that feels cool to express i feel like pleased ive been wanting to ‘explain that feeling i love for awhile now

  181.  #181Daria on June 7, 2013 at 10:38 pm

    i ate half of a cake from IKea. blueberry cheesekake, half stacked.

    i dont want to be on the computer no more , im feeling a bit electricity zapped

    numb in my face and pinched in my foot

  182.  #182Zara on June 7, 2013 at 11:32 pm

    175 Daria

    The princess won, she dodged the bullet. The princess saved her babies to be from growing with a father who can’t feed them and a mother pining for her partner when he goes out to other women. Her babies to be are still coming to a safe and loving family. Their loving mother is already taking care of them by not tolerating the making of a weak nest.

    The village girl was hit by the bullet and how long will she be bleeding before she takes notice and rescues herself, that’s the question, although none of our business.


  183.  #183Daria on June 7, 2013 at 11:38 pm

    Zara – hey thanks hehe ! i feel seen

    it feels a lil too tragic tho, i want to tweak it a lil less desperate ‘world is harsh’ painful sounding


    im feeling great right now

    im listening to hyear connection toolikit

    am i angry?


    what am i angry about?

    im angry that the guy i liked a lot moved in with another woman and kept staying there


    hey that does NOt sound so bad


    i feel happy!


    today I ‘required’ some guy to have a car

    first time ever!

    he sounded so cute too

  184.  #184Daria on June 7, 2013 at 11:39 pm

    Zara has got my back. ladididah

    shes right there unfailing solid as the rock

    i am the rock

    yumm m

    modern siren

    i feel like the ROCK ah that feels freakin solid

    ima go be the rock when images of voting another woman come up

  185.  #185Daria on June 7, 2013 at 11:40 pm

    This princess was born dodging those kinda bullets 😉

  186.  #186Daria on June 7, 2013 at 11:41 pm

    i can stop bullets with my bare hand!

    and enjoy them as beings who love me 🙂 weee

    hehehe that FEELS AWESOM! raised eyebrows awesomeness

  187.  #187Daria on June 7, 2013 at 11:42 pm

    omg get it! the men are like bullets! and my hands are like boundaries, and they love me! weeee

    omg that rocks

    right on Zara and Daria

  188.  #188Daria on June 7, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    fuuu9ck what kinda manifesting is this… now i see all my brothers on FB and now my lil brother has a picture with Guywho, who i haven’t seen in years, and he looks intriguing and attractive like James Bond ufff


    im having urges to comment and all this stuff

    im good!

    this is just more proof my manifesting is on the move

    ima be the ROCK while my pond clears

  189.  #189Daria on June 7, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    i am using my willpower beautifully and i will Not save that photo or go look at it or any of that

    im actually gonna go do stuff that has notheirng to do with all that


    i ROCK!

    thanks for triggering me guys who bring out those chasing traumas… i know yall love me and are rooting for me, and im doing really well!

    thanks for loving me!

  190.  #190Daria on June 8, 2013 at 12:00 am

    Happy Birthday Daria!!!

  191.  #191Daria on June 8, 2013 at 12:07 am

    what if Guywho and Securityman Both come into my life and want to marry me ( and offering me things i like that feel good )

    That would feel thrilling1 so exciting! I can write the story this way!

    ohhh if Getright does too it would feel OVERWHELMING!

    omgosh i feel overwhelmed

    Waht if i could receive all this love ?

    Im giving myself permission to

  192.  #192Daria on June 8, 2013 at 12:08 am

    my legs feel soooo smooth smh

  193.  #193Zara on June 8, 2013 at 12:08 am

    Joyeux Anniversaire Daria <3 You rock! Thank you for the thousands of words that influenced my life.


  194.  #194Veronica on June 8, 2013 at 12:37 am


    I’m curious:

    What are you afraid of that you’re feeling this anxious?


    Do you believe that you don’t deserve a man who is so into you?

  195.  #195Veronica on June 8, 2013 at 12:40 am

    Happy Birthday Daria!

  196.  #196sophie on June 8, 2013 at 1:25 am

    Happy birthday Daria! Loads of juicy stuff in your posts. I love the realisation that by you expecting men to open the doors etc they then enjoyed doing this and continued to do it and reminded them how good romance and masculinity feels; also that Beloved and Fw shared similar experiences observations. I feel very curious about that. It feels nice. It feels brave to stand by your expectations in this way. I don’t know if I am that brave.

    I also like your explanation of men that’feel drainy’. That was helpful for me. I have men that feel drainy but I’ve never thought of it as feel drainy before but that’s just want it is; deep sigh; rolly eyes; can’t be bothered; drainy…

    I like how you fearlessly process…

    Elsie..I just read a book by Anita Moorjani. I loved it. She had a NDE and saw the purpose of life as unconditionally loving oneself. She explores that idea in her book. She also suggest getting into a habit of complimenting yourself at least 5 times a day or/and then as often as you can all day long. I find asking myself the question: “If I really loved myself what would I do right now?/with my life? about this situation?” really helpful and practising doing that.

  197.  #197sophie on June 8, 2013 at 1:36 am

    i feel edgy anxious. i often feel edgy anxious first thing in the morning. i want to feel zippity doo dah my oh my what a wonderful day jump out of bed exhilration or mmmmmm lazy sunny morning day….

    my body is out of whack i don’t want it to be out of whack…nicotine YUCK..caffeine UGH…sugar…i feel burst into tears i feel grrrrrrr…baby steps forward after huge slide backwards i want to roll the dice and be near the finish line …congratulations sophie you are now addiction free

    i feel push push squash get things done i cant get things done when im pressuring myself. reeelllaaaxxx.

    beautiful sunshiny day…wonder if any cd’s will call..don’t want to wonder…i always wonder if fwb cd and i don’t want to wonder…i want to feel free to lie in my garden and not wonder at all…

    be nice to me…go easy on my body i know i’m all up and down…do things gently no merciless task-setting…read soothing literature in the garden…drink lots and lots of water…

  198.  #198smile on June 8, 2013 at 3:28 am

    I love how much joy can come from eating a fresh strawberry 🙂

  199.  #199April Rose on June 8, 2013 at 4:00 am

    Happy Birthday, Princess Daria 🙂

  200.  #200LoveAlways on June 8, 2013 at 4:18 am

    Happy birthday dear Daria!!!!!!!
    love & blessings siren!!!

  201.  #201Indigo on June 8, 2013 at 4:50 am

    Hm, so D messaged me last night. He had messaged me on Wednesday night “hi” but I didn’t reply. Last night he messaged me wanting to know when I leave for my trip because there’s a book he wants to give me. I said thank you and that sounds lovely but I left it at that, energetically, though it felt a little bit good.

    I spent last night with R and felt mightily triggered. I slept over and we tried to have sex but that was a spectacular failure. This of course did nothing to help me forget about D with whom sex was always absolutely, incredibly amazing wonderful and emotionally intimate.

    R and I went out for breakfast this morning and I again couldn’t help thinking of D when he seemed reluctant to pay for it and so I felt compelled to offer to pay for it – D has always grabbed the bill and never, ever allowed me to pay when we went out to eat. I think R felt it was “only fair” since he treated me to dinner the other night, and I don’t want to hold it against him. But ugh. It just made me miss D.

    Actually I am fine today. I feel very strong. I can feel Dominique’s amazing words about trust sinking in. I can feel myself healing. I am going to relax myself today 🙂

  202.  #202Indigo on June 8, 2013 at 4:52 am

    I feel so good taking this time for myself, I feel so good about all the amazing things I am learning.

    I feel so good about doing things for myself that I love. 🙂

  203.  #203Heart on June 8, 2013 at 5:30 am

    Indigo…exactly what happened with D?

  204.  #204forest siren on June 8, 2013 at 5:56 am

    Happy birthday darling Daria! You are awesome and inspirational.

    Haven’t posted in a while but read everything here and find so much to learn from. I think I should be a coach as I say to all my girlfriends Rori Raye would say ….. 😉

    Indigo I resonate so much with your posts and I think you love horses too? The tone of your posts seem very like my tone almost familiar I love the feeling.

    Lionman is very sweet these days there have been some big shifts. Am working on staying in my energy and not initiating! There are so many wonderful things to do like hiking and riding and kayaking and swimming and picnicking and I get so impatient and want to make plans and he is not a plan guy!

    Indigo your recent post about giving d space really spoke to me. I know lionmans biggest issue is craving respect and I so often still talk him out of things I think that would be the greatest way to show him love by respecting his need for space. I do give him a lot of space and I’m a quiet person in myself but I know he feels loved by me when I respect what he says. I really did not in the past and it caused a lot of pain and damage. Unintentionally on my part of course I jut didn’t realize how sensitive he was to being undermined or contradicted. And of course I felt so hurt too. But we have come a long way since then.

  205.  #205Indigo on June 8, 2013 at 6:03 am

    Hi Heart 🙂

    I feel very strongly that maybe the timing with D was not quite right. We were in a long relationship, and it did not work out. He always felt we needed a long break from each other to detox and heal, but honestly I couldn’t let go. We continued to spend time together after we broke up but our issues continued to surface, interspersed with amazing times here and there.

    Until the other day, I came to the conclusion that I needed to give him tons and tons of space. A few things happened, and I just “got it”. Funnily enough, two days after I came to that realisation, he asked for some time apart, and I was able to agree. He asked for some time apart until I get back from my overseas trip, which is in about a month’s time, but I have no idea how things will be then, or if maybe I’ll need more time. I don’t know.

    We have this bond and so I know he’ll miss me a bit, and try to contact me every few days, but I think for this time apart to mean something we should keep contact to a minimum.

    He has to take this space for him, to heal, or do whatever it is that he needs to do, and I need to let him, it is not my business and I have to heal and love me. I have really realised that since beginning this healing journey with all you sirens.

  206.  #206Mercedes on June 8, 2013 at 6:07 am

    Thanks Rori….I wish you would let me write a better comment for you post. That was just a quick response right before I went home yesterday… 🙂

    Much Love,

  207.  #207Lisa on June 8, 2013 at 6:25 am

    I journaled after posting yesterday and cried… I can find my friends e-mail about me to be true… it felt good to reach down in me and find the need to feel better…

    I also could find the urge to rush… and asking myself why.. what hurts down in there…

    I feel relieved to know that my friend was right and that I want to love myself deeper. I also feel he is right about me wanting to jump into another relationship… I have that habit… sometimes..

    I stay longer in the ones I should have not ever gotten into and want to leave in the one that I should stay and wait and see what happens..

    “M” and I had a great talk last night… I feel him open up when I open up… and he relaxes…

    I leaned way back earlier in the date last night… and only focused on me and my child… he responded later on… by telling me again, “your my baby” I love you and what we have in this relationship is wonderful….

    He said: I don’t want a wedge between us, and I’m sacrificing things yes, but so are you and “your worth it”…

    This journey of leaning back and waiting is doing wonderful things for me… so is the journey inside myself to go deeper into my love for me…”M” is bringing out the best in me … as I learn to look at my triggers… peace is here …


  208.  #208Heart on June 8, 2013 at 7:02 am

    Indigo – if you had to pinpoint the problem/issue between the two of you…what would it be?

    Just thinking masculine man, you had great sex, he pays for you, still keeps in contact…i’m just curious about it…

  209.  #209Indigo on June 8, 2013 at 7:49 am


    There were a few issues. On my side, I would say it was issues from my childhood – fear of rejection, abandonment, mistrust, self-esteem, learning how to love and care for myself – all of which I have come a very long way in healing.

    On his side, I would say there was also some fear of being rejected and abandoned, some very real insecurity and fear of inadequacy, definitely some rage and anger issues.

    And yes, on a fundamental level we loved each other so much and were so bonded, and so much about it just worked on its own so well – he made me feel safe and contented on a level I simply cannot describe or imagine with anyone else. I cannot imagine loving or wanting anyone so much. A very masculine man, masculine in a way that just “worked” for me in so many ways. No matter what has happened between us, I know he will always come looking for me in the form of contact, and so during this time apart I’ve had to set some boundaries for myself.

    I do believe we triggered each other and eventually developed quite a toxic pattern, which was at times incredibly hurtful and damaging to me, which needs to be healed, shifted and broken.

    Ultimately, as strange, or maybe not so strange to all of you, as it sounds, I have a deep faith in him and in him and me. It’s something deep and intuitive that I can’t explain, and that’s why I’m prepared to do whatever I can to heal this, including having time apart. I realise also on some level that I have to face the possibility that he may not come back to me. It is his choice.

  210.  #210Syreena on June 8, 2013 at 7:58 am

    Happy Birthday Daria.

  211.  #211Heart on June 8, 2013 at 8:06 am

    Indigo – well it’s only a month again right? Why not go full no contact for the month and then see. Trust that it’s easier to work on yourself and just say “if he’s not my guy, someone better will be my guy” and go right back to focusing on you.

    It’s only a month & then u can know where he’s at…Just find ways to feel good. 🙂

  212.  #212Indigo on June 8, 2013 at 8:13 am

    Hi Heart

    Yeah 🙂 I’m trying to do that. Trying my little human best. Although, already, I feel so good. I can feel where the imbalances were, and sitting with them, and being strong, and in my body, and being loving to myself.

    Sometimes I just want to feel him a little, so I switch my Skype on, but I realize for this to mean something there’s got to be very little contact, so I’m trying to do that as much as I can.

  213.  #213Indigo on June 8, 2013 at 8:15 am


    That is so wonderful.

  214.  #214Emerson on June 8, 2013 at 8:26 am

    121 fw

  215.  #215Emerson on June 8, 2013 at 8:29 am

    ExoticCD told me he wants to see me but I have all these “rules”…. Is this just a toxic/unavailable mans reaction to boundaries?
    I told him I don’t want to drive to his house and also told him I don’t feel comfy yet spending a weekend together out I town…which he asked me to go… And I feel like I want more traditional dates before i go out of town…
    I don’t know him that well…

  216.  #216Heart on June 8, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Awwwr Indigo…you’re doing just fine. 🙂

  217.  #217Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:43 am

    Emerson – who cares if you have ‘rules’ i would just ignore Exotic CD from now on and see about getting myself out there online and in out and about life

  218.  #218Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Thank you Zara… wow I feel amazed to read that! I feel scared of being so amazing that I influence someone’s life for them to say something 🙂

  219.  #219Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Thank you Veronica 🙂

  220.  #220Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:48 am

    I love your name Veronica 🙂

  221.  #221Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:48 am

    Thank you sophie 🙂 I feel all smily and reassured and recognized

  222.  #222Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:49 am

    Thank you April Rose 🙂 you’re a sparkly dew drop 🙂

  223.  #223Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Thank you siren Love Always 🙂

  224.  #224Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:51 am

    Thank you forest siren 🙂 I feel like I’m a forest siren too 🙂

  225.  #225Daria on June 8, 2013 at 8:52 am

    Thank you Syreena – glad you are here 🙂

  226.  #226Daria on June 8, 2013 at 9:02 am

    “Stop Working So Hard To Get The Love You Want And Deserve

    Are you feeling stuck in that awful place where you just don’t feel like you’re EVER going to get the love and commitment you really want?

    Are you stopped somehow by old stuff in your head that’s making you feel “less-than” or “one- down” in your relationships with men – so you feel insecure and even needy and angry more often than you feel joyful and loved?

    Or maybe something (another woman or something in your past) is getting in your way and holding you back from having what you want?

    I Know In My Bones What That Feels Like…
    Every step of my own journey to my fabulous marriage, I felt I had to “fight” that belief that there was just something wrong somewhere…


    Are You Getting So Much Less Than You Want?

    Have you ever wondered what it must feel like to be the kind of woman who men seem to flock to – the kind of woman who seems to enjoy attention from men, and especially the endless devotion of one man in particular?

    Well, you ARE that woman. She’s inside you. She’s your Modern Siren. It’s true.

    You only need bring her out with a few shifts in your words and body language.

    And I’m going to teach you exactly how:

    Watch Modern Siren


    I would NEVER have what I want, I would never get what I want.

    On some deep level I couldn’t even name, I believed I just didn’t DESERVE the good stuff that other women had. And that made me ANGRY!

    And as I learned how totally UNTRUE that is – and that I deserve the absolute most wonderful things I can IMAGINE – I developed Tools for myself along the way that actually CHANGED things for me. It was as though as soon as I BELIEVED (not just SAID I believed) that I could have it, it would show up.

    But changing those beliefs was a WAY different road than anything I’d ever been taught. Positive thinking didn’t work. Therapy didn’t even work. And my relationships sure weren’t working.

    It wasn’t until I figured out how to USE my relationships – even quick conversations with people – to boost my self-confidence that everything started changing inside me.

    And I know you can do it, too.

    The Real Secret To Becoming Irresistibly Attractive
    The truth is, “hotness,” and the ability to MAGNETIZE men and great situations to you is NOT about what you think it’s about. Not for women, and not for men, either (but let’s just talk about you and me…)

    If you look down any street, you’ll see all kinds of women – all sizes and shapes, all states of dress and makeup and hair – with great men holding their hands and looking adoringly at them.

    Bottom line, we so often settle for – even LOOK for – being “friends” with a man because we’re afraid, somewhere deep down, of being anything else to a good man. We so often think about ourselves EXACTLY in the way we accuse MEN of thinking about women.

    Thankfully, most of us have worked it out so our self-esteem goes at least up and down – instead of staying in the basement all the time – but when LOVE is involved, it seems to bring out our worst insecurities, instead of our most powerful self-confidence.

    Wouldn’t it be great if it could do just the opposite? If every moment you spend in the world or around an attractive man could give your self-esteem a BOOST, instead of knocking it down?

    So, here’s a way to use even those high-tension moments when you normally would take yourself down the tubes into the “I’m not (good enough, attractive enough, deserving enough, together enough… you fill in the blank in those icky-feeling moments), so things can’t possibly work out for me” state of mind.

    Tool: I Am The Yummy Pie
    I know this may sound silly, but just follow along.

    So, what’s the first thing that comes up for you when you say to yourself “I am the yummy pie?”

    I’ll bet that right after you pictured the delicious pie and you felt the yummy feelings, guilt, pain, anger, frustration came up right after. And then you quickly slapped yourself on the hand for even thinking of the pie in the first place.

    This is what we do almost automatically when we think of ANYTHING we want – anything we enjoy that would feel good.

    We each have some ingrained ideas of what’s OKAY for us to feel good about – ones we were taught long ago and ones we see around us and hear around us all the time.

    When We Feel Bad About Feeling Good
    Perhaps, like so many of us, you feel it’s okay to feel good about getting exercise (and what a blessing that is!) Perhaps you feel it’s okay to feel good about WORK. Perhaps you feel it’s okay to feel good about HELPING others – especially men.

    Perhaps, if you’re lucky, it’s okay to feel good about getting your nails done, or buying a pretty dress – but for some of us, even that’s a real challenge. Most of us are caught up in feeling BAD about so many things that actually feel GOOD!

    We encounter or experience something that feels good, and we instinctively go into it and do it or experience it or feel it, and then we right away fall into feeling bad. We stuff down the good feeling – the “pie” (and often it actually IS something like food…) and hope to beat the guilt and fear and anger to the punch, but we never do.

    We often punish ourselves somehow. And if we have a pattern of bad relationships, it’s often that we punish ourselves with MEN.

    Have You Ever Experienced This?
    Every time we start to feel an interest in a man, start to feel the good feelings that just imagining being with a good man brings up, we quickly don’t feel okay with that (out of the habit and pattern of our brain that’s just NOT OUR FAULT) and so we quickly go to running ourselves down.

    And, of course, the moment we run ourselves down, we tense up, feel bad about ourselves, and shut down our bodies and our hearts.

    And then, of course – we DO become less attractive, less magnetic, less of the “Siren” we really, truly are:

    We become less emotionally AVAILABLE to a man
    We become harder instead of softer
    We create distance
    We go from being happy and upbeat and attractive to feeling “less than,” “not good enough,” and start listing all the reasons why.

    So, What If You Really Are The Yummy Pie?
    I know this sounds fanciful, but what if it’s just common sense?

    Let’s look at it this way – there are a zillion men out there. Even if you eliminate the married ones, the gay ones, the ones who are unavailable for any number of emotional or geographic reasons, or undesirable for any number of emotional or practical reasons, you still end up with a zillion available men.

    And you’d better believe that YOU are a phenomenal slice of pie to millions and millions of them – even if EVERYTHING you can’t stand about yourself was true (and it isn’t).

    So, THE PIE Tool is to help you reverse this idea we have – all of us – that the “Pie” is somehow “OUT THERE!” In the shape of a man.

    Well, it isn’t. The Pie is in HERE. It’s in YOU.

    And the moment we forget what WE have to offer and start looking out there for something we believe we DON’T HAVE, everything – food, a man, beauty – become ridiculously important to us and seem totally out of reach.

    It’s like we create this separation between who we are, what we have, and what’s out there – and that’s just not HOW IT WORKS!

    What A Man Truly Craves
    What works is to imagine that every man out there wants what YOU HAVE.

    This is what my phenomenal Tool of Circular Dating is all about, and my Targeting Mr. Right online video program is the program that will change your life nearly instantly if you’re having a hard time believing that you can be at the CENTER of thousands of men – GREAT men – who ALL WANT YOU!

    Targeting Mr. Right will help you discover and USE those “Diva” parts of yourself that will ADD to your magnetism and make being around men, collecting men, dating men, flirting with men, attracting the ONE MAN YOU WANT happen for you… so go check out “Targeting” right here:

    Try “Targeting” and Feel More Confident
    Why You Should Never Stop Circular Dating
    By the way, Targeting Mr. Right works no matter WHERE you are in a relationship – even if you’re MARRIED. Even after more than 20 years of marriage, I still use what I teach in my programs – every day – to feel closer and more connected to my husband.

    Circular Dating is simply the most powerful weapon you have in your arsenal as a woman. Circular Dating will keep you strong inside, confident, and allow you to practice ALL of my amazing Tools “out in the field” in a way that will work incredibly fast for you:

    If you’re single and not dating anyone in particular right now, it will help you with practical and new tips for getting out there and flirting.
    If you’re dating a man now, it will show you how to immediately change your vibe and increase your Degree of Difficulty, so that he pursues you like the delicious pie you are.
    If you’re in an uncommitted relationship and want to get that ring on your finger, it will quickly “refocus” his attention on you and make him quickly determine exactly where he fits into your life.
    And if you’re married, you’ll learn how to use Circular Dating to “date” yourself – not really go on dates with other men, but to practice Feeling Messages and my other Tools on men you meet in your life every day. It will show you how to change your vibe (and get his attention again) by becoming your own friend and admirer in a way you may not be right now.
    3 Steps That’ll Make His Mouth Water For You
    For now, here are some quick steps that will get you feeling like you are the pie he CRAVES:

    1. Imagine that the man you’re with right now (even if you’re simply standing in line in a coffee house and a man in the corner merely makes eye contact with you – for that moment, you’re WITH HIM!)… imagine that he WANTS WHAT YOU HAVE.

    That HE wants YOUR PIE.

    If that sounds sexual, in a way it is. To me, a pie is not just delicious and yummy TASTING – it’s SOFT, it’s gooshy, it’s wet – it’s everything you are.

    2. Think of yourself as a pie.

    There’s taste to you – yes, and men love the taste of a woman, no matter what WE might believe in our “off” moments…

    There’s texture to you. There’s color. There’s a burst of flavor that happens when a man gets to know you, like when a pie hits your taste buds.

    Sometimes there are seeds, if it’s a fruit pie – like your prickly and imperfect qualities that are actually totally endearing to a man.

    Sometimes there’s whipped cream or meringue on top that gets on your face and stays with you. (And that’s the way HE feels about you when he kisses you – no matter what YOU think he thinks.)

    There are SO MANY PARTS to this piece of pie – the crust, the filling, the sauce, the topping – everything is different, and yet it all works TOGETHER. You are a recipe that’s uniquely YOU.

    3. Next time you see a man, feel something stir inside you, and then hear your mind instantly go into its “I can’t have him, he wouldn’t be interested, what am I doing even thinking he’d want me” old, useless mental tape – STOP FOR A SECOND.

    Take a breath, and imagine that YOU ARE THE PIE. Say it out loud to yourself: “I AM THE YUMMY PIE.”

    Let all the images and feelings of that come up, and if you recognize guilt and disbelief and anger and frustration showing up, use all my Rori Raye Tools you have right now to go through them. Listening to my Heart Connection Toolkit often is a great way to build the Tools naturally into your daily life.

    Let yourself feel all that old garbage, feel it down to your toes, and then just say to yourself “I am the pie,” and see what happens!

    Let me know how being the Yummy Pie works for you – what comes up and how you feel…

    Love, Rori”

  227.  #227ALA on June 8, 2013 at 10:52 am

    Happy Birthday, Daria!

    Who needs B-day cake when YOU are the yummy pie! 😉

  228.  #228Dominique on June 8, 2013 at 10:54 am

    Daria – 174 – I’m not really clear on the situation, and I wish I had more time right now to think about this, but my first feeling around this is NO this is not accepting him for how he is UNLESS she perfectly okay with the situation. If she’s good with it and has no expectation of change (though change could happen IF she works on herself and her healing), than I suppose this set up would be okay.

    I think though that she’s likely not being honest with herself.


  229.  #229Dominique on June 8, 2013 at 10:59 am

    Indigo – 201 – 🙂


  230.  #230Luzydel on June 8, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    In two weeks I’ll be having my real first well deserved vacation with my son. I feel so giggly inside like a little kid. Yayy!

  231.  #231Leyli on June 8, 2013 at 3:10 pm

    Dear Rori,

    I’m serious about becoming a relationship coach myself. I feel like that is my real POP, it would feel completely RIGHT to do this kind of job, even though I was kind of resisting it before.

    Do you give online training? I live in the UK, maybe we could work together in the future and help more women around the globe?

  232.  #232Elsie on June 8, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    So much to say to all you girls. First of all – I am very overwhelmed by how many people have talked about boundaries, and commented on my situation. I have sat and marinated in the word “boundaries” for a couple of days now. I have a HUGE new insight.

    But first, thank you to Syreena, amazing comment. Also, Zia – no, I have not read that Book Attached…..I will look into it…..everyone else – FW, Beloved, Mercedes, and on and on…..thank you. Thank you.

    I realized I didnt really understand what a boundary was. I sort of made everything a boundary.

    And then I realized ….

    I”m my mother.

    Let me repeat that.

    I’m my mother.

    No one can do ANYTHING right for her. Its why she literally has not one friend. She critizes everything. You can do 100 things right, and the one thing you do that she just does really do her way is WRONG and she will go on endlessly and make you feel like a complete failure. She yelled at me today for not zipping up my purse. Insane. She told me I dont know how to CARRY A PURSE right…..LOL. Its lunacy.

    And then in that moment. I realized, oh my goodness. Oh no …. Oh no…..

    I am her.

    I criticize him for the one thing he does that I dont like. Its not WRONG, its just not what I would do. And then the 100 things he did do right are just overlooked. The problem isnt him at all……its me.

    Its me. I’m the problem.

    When EVERYTHING is a boundary, people become numb….immune….they become desensitized to what you really need and want. Its almost like crying wolf. If everything is important, then nothing is.

    This is HUGE for me.

    Thank you everyone. He did not come over last night. He did not come over yet today. We texted a bit. Now normally, I would be upset he hasnt mentioned coming over. But I cant get the smile off my face. My children are watching a new TV that HE bought me……out of complete love……how could I possibly be upset.

    I have truly turned a page. It will not be easy to let go of this thinking because its hard wired in me for a very long time……but I am SO EXCITED to start feeling new feelings and new perspectives on all of this.

    I need to sort out what are my TRUE boundaries. But my guess is that opening a car door is not one of them.

    Thank you so much everyone. I promise I will fall off the wagon and be on the ledge and need your help again, but for right now……I’m amazed I never made this connection sooner.

  233.  #233Elsie on June 8, 2013 at 5:17 pm

    Happy Birthday Daria!!! I hope you are having a wonderful day!

  234.  #234Elsie on June 8, 2013 at 5:32 pm

    Zia – thank you for the Attached recommendation book. i’m TOTALLY getting that.

    It EXACTLY explains GS and I. He is absolutely avoidant, and I am absolutely anxious. Amazing. I’ve read about it for about 15 minutes and my jaw has dropped. Amazing. THANK YOU.

  235.  #235Femininewoman on June 8, 2013 at 5:54 pm

    I just put the book on hold also. I hope the library gets it soon.

    Happy Birthday Daria.

  236.  #236Zia on June 8, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    Elise – I feel so happy that it is helpful for you!!! I found it extremely helpful as I have also been the anxious type. I am feeling a *little* more secure but I know there’s still the underlying anxious part. The biggest thing for me was reading that it’s ok to be this way, as long as we recognize that’s how we are and choose partnerships accordingly 🙂

  237.  #237Elsie on June 8, 2013 at 6:11 pm

    Zia – I think that it does mirror some of Rori Rayes and Christian Carters work – in the sense that you are going from being anxious to being secure in yourself. Not NEEDING someone else, but enjoying their company. A true siren doenst sound needy or anxious. I think it mirrors their work and compliments it.

  238.  #238Rori Raye on June 8, 2013 at 6:45 pm

    Leyli – the class is all online and teleseminar, except for the one live weekend in Los Angeles (not mandatory, just a bonus…). I’ve got it organized so you only have to commit to 2 hours weekly, live. The information page is here:
    – and I have to personally give you the link and password to the enrollment page. You can also email, and she’ll set up a short phone or Skype chat with me if you like. Love, Rori

  239.  #239Rori Raye on June 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Mercedes – PLEASE! Write whatever you like! put it into moderation and I’ll see it and include it in the post…Love, Rori

  240.  #240Millie on June 8, 2013 at 6:58 pm

    Wow, so much great blog material to read! I started a new job this week which I’m so excited about! They had many deadlines this week so I had to work overtime everyday and haven’t had much time to keep up with all the posts.

    First-Happy Belated Birthday to Daria and Andrea!
    Andrea- How you spent your birthday sounds so fulfilling, I’m happy for you!

    When reading the posts about boundaries, I asked myself what are mine? I know I have them, but I’m not sure I am fully aware and conscious of what they are. I do want to participate in this discussion of boundaries, but I need to feel what they truly are…
    In the past I have allowed myself to be in situations that do not feel good. I think that now is a perfect time to redefine my boundaries for the me that I am today.

    Some of the ladies mentioned that they “do not want to drive to a man.” I understand that Sirens do not go to men, men come to them. However, for me..I’ve been living at home for the past four years while I’ve been in school. During this time, I admit- I do go meet men. I feel weird still living in my parent’s house and having men pick me up here. I know in eras past, men always picked up women at their parents house and met them, even on the first date, but I feel uncomfortable with that. I don’t want a man I am meeting for the first or second time to meet my parents before they get to know me. The notion makes me feel like I’m still a little girl and need my parents’ approval. When I move out on my own, I would love to have a man pick me up and visit with me in my house and eventually meet my parents and hopefully become a part of my family. But right now…it doesn’t feel right. So, I admit, I go meet men. Part of me is still holding on to control. Part of me likes that I can leave when I want, that he doesn’t know where I live, that I choose when I reveal that and it isn’t up front. I feel aware of my control.

    Time for a code name–I met, let’s call him-Old Singer, because he is. I met him the other night after work for drinks. While he is too old for me, I am enjoying him so far. I love that when I didn’t respond to his email giving me his number, he sent another one asking for mine and calls me. I love that he prefers to call than text. He seems to ask me where I want to go, but I say I want to leave that up to you, or I’m open to hearing your suggestions. I sense he is money conscious, which makes me not want to suggest a place even if he asks. We met for drinks, I had no idea what to expect. I sensed him to be not very forthcoming about himself. I felt that that made it difficult to connect with him on deeper levels, but we still connected with our passions and have some pretty amazing physical chemistry that landed us making out like teenagers in the car. He wanted to go further, but I did as Indigo suggested and let him know I was enjoying our time together and what we are doing now, but I don’t feel comfortable going further. I feel good basking in his attraction and the sexual energy coming towards me. I feel good about communicating how I felt and my comfort level without worrying about what he would think. We are meeting again tonight, I am excited, but again do not know what to expect!

  241.  #241BeLoved on June 8, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    I had a lovely date with Mr. gowiththeflow emt guy. I took advantage of his gowiththeflowness and asked him to come over and help me pack and load my car 🙂

    I had this thread on my mind, and hung back slightly as we approached his car to go for lunch – he naturally and easily, as if he wasn’t even thinking about it, opened the door for me.
    Same for when I got out. I had to check myself and pause, I looked in the mirror and he just automatically got out and walked around to open my car door, like breathing…he didn’t check to see if I was waiting or anything. I liked it 🙂

    I also had a yummy conversation with T. I looooove that man. A millionbilliongazillion times I’ve sworn him off and yet we keep coming back, getting closer. The attraction now feels deeper, truer, our affinity being our shared sense of purpose, of what we want to co-create on a planetary level, the legacy we want to create for future generations, the feeling that we are co-creating something bigger than ourselves, our shared interest in expanding consciousness…
    omg it’s sooo good.

    THEN I learned my friend who was supposed to move to OR next year is moving next month, that with the deeper connection with T plus the distress I felt being at my mother’s house is all conspiring to make me feel like I want to go NOW myself.
    I need to talk to my dad, get his take on it.

    I also dreamed this morning that T scooped me up, wrapped himself all around me, and asked me oh so verrrry romantically if I would marry him.
    I told him I didn’t feel ready yet 🙂
    I don’t know what that means other than my mind is creating sweet dreams that make me feel good in the morning.
    Thank you, mind! I love and appreciate you!

  242.  #242BeLoved on June 8, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    Happy happy birthday, Daria!
    May all your raps be rich and flow like an ocean of warm honey 🙂


  243.  #243Vi on June 8, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    A flower from a stranger and then flirting from a guy and a gift from MH and then help from other people.. I.. I feel overwhelmed and tense like my body is trying to protect me and this tension makes an invisible shield all over my body… my heart feels like it is too much of goodness to handle at a time…. it feels intoxicating and stressful… I love my heart stress I love intoxicated feeling in my heart, and feeling a little suffocated and I love my tension, I love my shield… I feel guilty for feeling these feelings because there is a thought that experiencing these feelings means I am being ungrateful and this is not true because there IS a feeling of gratefulness in this soup too…. I love my gratefulness, I love my negative voice and I am in charge.. I feel in charge….. I am so brave for letting myself look at all these feelings… they are my Juice ..mmmm.. feels yum and nourishing…. and refreshing and like taking great care of myself.. I love my Juice.. exhaling with relief..

  244.  #244Vi on June 8, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    okay it felt very difficult to digest such a big chunk of goodness but I did it! 🙂 yay me!

  245.  #245Vi on June 8, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    Happy Birthday Goddess Daria!

  246.  #246Heart on June 8, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    Happy Birthday Daria – I’m glad u didnt read what I wrote.
    Please take good care of yourself.

  247.  #247Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:22 am

    Thank you Heart! Wow I feel surprised and loved… I was just thinking about you 10 min ago, and hoping there wasn’t gonna be a wall between us since I didn’t not to read that and said so

    i fele uncomfortable sharing that as it feels kinda icky and I feel worried it’s taking away from the good feelings I was just sharing about reading this right now

    I felt guilty for saying I ‘hated’ reading Mercedes post yesterday, I woudl want to word that differently with more authentic deeper feelings … even ‘triggered’ would feel more honest right now. I want to keep sharing my feelings without even subtly coing from a place of making anyone wrong

    I feel a bit shaky inside


  248.  #248Heart on June 9, 2013 at 12:34 am

    Oh Daria – I felt I should have worded that post better & practice my communication skills…Please don’t read it…My heart was in a good place but my words were not.
    Truthfully, I feeling a little frustrated and disillusioned by some of the teachings and some of the “advice” given here and this seeped into my post towards you. Don’t read it. It will make you feel bad.
    Thank you for opening up to me. It warmed my heart and helped me open to you.

  249.  #249Indigo on June 9, 2013 at 12:37 am


    I know what you mean.

    A couple of weeks ago I re-read some of my Skype conversations with D from 2 years ago and I literally wept. What I couldn’t see then that I can see now.


  250.  #250Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:39 am

    Thank you beautiful Vi 🙂

  251.  #251Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:40 am

    (((((Heart))))) oh i feel sobby… thank you for caring for me!

  252.  #252Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:41 am

    BeLOVED you make me smile and easy hearted…Thank you for thinking of me 🙂

  253.  #253Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:43 am

    Thank you FeminineWoman 🙂

    I feel curious what book you put on hold, I searched to find the post you’re referring to…

  254.  #254Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:44 am

    Thank you ALA hehe 🙂 we are yummie pies! high 5 !

    right now im an organic blueberry pie with almond crust

  255.  #255Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:46 am

    Thank you Elsie – my day felt flowy and full of me… and me doing the routine care things for me that I used to wish I did… and now I do do!

  256.  #256Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:49 am

    Thank you Millie 🙂 I felt surprised and smily to see me in your post 🙂 I feel honored to be thought of …

  257.  #257Daria on June 9, 2013 at 12:51 am

    Dominique – I feel so grateful… and I see it… thank you, that feels reassuring and helps me open my eye a bit

  258.  #258Daria on June 9, 2013 at 1:19 am

    I feel so at peace and pleased…

    this experiment is coming to a close 🙂 and I feel loved and soft…

    I ‘get’ it now, i ‘understand’ it, and I feel good, I feel safe, I feel important, I feel curious and I feel yumiie and warm when i ‘understand’ some things in that big picture way mmmm

    I want to be married and I wanted bookie to know i believe in him. I believe he’s got what it takes to be my husband – even if he doesn’t think he can provide enough, that’s me in his head there,

    I got the impression he was my husband in another life

    And I wanted to take this time to go to him and ‘remind’ him , show him my energy, so that he knows…

    and he’ll be inspired to come to me and get me if it’s something he wants

    it was never meant to be long term

    and I also realize I wanted his women-folk-spirits to ‘see’ me… because the men who’ve been coming at me have somehow or other had womenfolk in their family, usually moms ‘see’ me…

    and I did… thru his daughter!

    And here’s what I’ve gained, and it’s great

    I’ve been feeling confused abuot men having children already. I don’t want to judge, I want to be open, yet this is something new for me

    as far as really opening my heart to a life together with a man who has children

    raising his children with him

    and I didn’t know… how I would feel…

    and… I really felt good with his daughter.. and her sister his stepdaughter…

    I mean, Like REALLY felt good. Like, I would WANT to have her / them around, to raise them and be part of their lives

    like I woudl LIKE that. I don’t feel ‘worried’ about it.

    That was NEW.

    Before, I rather closed my heart to the men who had kids in my life, because in a way, I saw it as taking them a different direction than me.

    And I felt guilty. And this felt … not as open as I want it to be.

    And now, I had this experience. And I feel trust in myself.

    As a mother, as a woman having children around. I felt Solid. I felt good about myself. I felt powerful.

    Then, theres $. Bookie whos into being ‘spiritual’ lets say and ‘going with the flow’ is actually now into ‘getting money.’ And me, I wasn’t I saw it as draining,

    but he wouldn’t do draining stuff. Like, at all, really. So somehow this shifted for me. And I’m now picking up $ without feeling drained…

    Then, there’s the – what happens if you lean forward – no, it doesn’t work. Even when it seems it could, ‘just with this man, but he’s so understanding, but with HIM it will work’ no. it doesnt. i get it now. if it doesnt work with bookie, it Doesn’t work

    Then there’s the falling in love. Wow! I didn’t know I could feel that way again! I mean, SO INTENSE. And so spiritual, and so safe, and so dreamy, and so, otherworld…

    and even so psyscho and angry and distraught – due to energy imbalances

    but wow yes, I can still feel. I can feel passion. I will not have a boring passionless marriage. It will not feel like that. It will feel like… wow.

    So here it is, the end of my temporary experiment adventure. I followed through… made my energy rememberd to him. Had the physical sex i wanted.

    And now its’ time to pull back, and it’s not hard anymore, it’s just clear.

    I can say to bookie in my head, across the ethers… “you know don’t you” and he knows. Btu I can switch to femeinine – i know i have this all knowing, im important and tell You whatsup tone when it comes to spirit.

    And maybe theres somethign under that that feels better.

    So i can just say in the ethers “im feeling peaceful bookie” “I miss your presence”

    And he knows.

    The enregy is righted now. I can feel him wanting me again, I feel his energy and his heart, and a bit of sadness.

    I want to practice seeing him how I want him … successful, providing. I want to Believe in him for real and see him as that… and that’s a challenge, and I want to do that for my brothers and father. And I can do it. And i can do it for me 🙂

    Today he texted me and said Dgirl

    and I said, like i said to all who texted me without happy birhtday ” 🙂 it’s my birthday”

    and when i came out the shower he had written

    “Happy Birthday” and “Hit me when you’re not bizzy. I want to see you”

    And I called, an hour later. And he didnt’ pick up. And he called 30 min later. And I didn’t pick up but i heard the phone from the batheroom. And then I called back 10 min later,

    Adn he said hi, and somthing, and it sounded vague, and people in the background, and silence from him, and i felt my heart drop as I started a pattern of scanning the background noise to analyze and figure out who might be there… maybe that girl?

    And so I stopped that and said, “do you want to call me back later”

    and he said ok…

    and I felt a bit surprised and disappointed, and yet glad I said it so early before my heart actually dropped!

    so I hung up.

    And he called back 15 min later. And he said happy birhtday.

    and i said thank you. and I paused

    And he said what you’ve ben doing all day

    and I said “i’ve ben feeling chill, just in the house, my family is taking me out to eat now”

    and he said “oh” “im so high right now” (yah sounded a bit vague) and “Im just here chillin with my niga… and Dbo” which Dbo is his homegirl he lives with , that girl

    so i said “oh” … I felt a bit caught off guard… i said “cool”

    (maybe that wasn’t quite authentic? it did feel somehow right in the moment)

    and he said, sounded a bit disappointed “well, call me tomorrow”

    and I paused and thought and then said “ok” 🙂

    and that was it.

    Earlier i had talked to my girl and we scripted cuz I wanted to say how it would feel good to havea guy i feel good wiht come see me and eat my pussie 🙂

    but that didn’t come up…

    and … I feel calm and chill and easy, and I don’t want to go see him,

    and I feel unsure if i will call him tomorrow.

    Maybe i will.

    But the way i feel has shifted. I feel open to the future. I feel like the end has come with this experiment.

    And now i feel curious to see what happens. I’ve planted this seed about inspiring the man who is to be my husband to come get me…

    it may be him, or someone else, but the seed has been planted now…

    Before I felt all sad, like I ‘lost’, but this really is just the beginning…

    I hope he gets his self esteem to where he thinks he can provide. I hope I get my self esteem to where I think I can be provided for.

    I hope I get my self esteem to where I know i can envision men as being great and transforming into great Gods… and I know it will happen

  259.  #259Daria on June 9, 2013 at 1:35 am

    im now going into beathign myself for saying “cool”

    im not sure i said that

    i think i did

    i think what i meant was, and i did mean this “cool. i get it… i get where you’re at and thank you for being honest, and for being honest always from the very beginning to the end. and I don’t want to get involved in this emotionally anymore. so really, yes, it IS cool. and i Do love you. And i AM ok with stepping back here”

  260.  #260Daria on June 9, 2013 at 1:39 am

    and when i paused before I said ok to calling him, he heard. i think he’s good at hearing the energy between words, thats how i know him as…

    and he knows i hesitated, and, I wanted to say it would feel better to hear from you

    but that felt forced

    and since he asked me to call, i could call

    but i also might not call, if i don’t feel like it…

    because i might not. and i didn’t very much really when he asked me to.

    either way.

    either way, im not going to him. it doesnt feel fun anymore. feels downy thinking of that

    i feel so glad i have gathered back my energy from that

    we’ll see what happens now, not hanging on to the man, the energy is in the ethers for the relationship

    it could be him transformed or someone else. someone is coming. someone Big and ready…

  261.  #261Daria on June 9, 2013 at 1:43 am

    I practiced expressing anger, and i cried so much this morning when i felt so upset being criticized by my dad

    and ive been donig this from Heart connection toolkit

    “am i angry?”

    “what am i angry about?”

    “i feel so angry!”

    it helps. I feel less triggered hearing myself say “i feel angry” I feel less anxious around it, less like im attacking, and less like im being hard and codl and walled off saying it.

    i feel more powerful too. at first it sounded softvoiced and ‘cute’ not angry. now it sounds more authentic, more liek the anger is being expressed.

    but not ‘biting’. just real energy.

  262.  #262Daria on June 9, 2013 at 1:46 am

    my parents took me out to dinner and it felt lovely

    i feel so close to them

    they’re falling back in love and getting closer and…

    i feel defensive saying this… and

    i know *I* DID THAT

    people said you can’t, don’t. they said leave them, move out, its not your business.

    and my ancestors said no. dont be dumb (they havent all learned fms or respect). Stay with your family.

    make sure they’re ok. keep them together. Dont think that you have no power, dont get sidetracked by them being older and your parents. YOU are responsible for your family like everyone is…

    all beings.

    and i did that.

    I stayed and I prayed and I practiced and practiced. till now they’re good.

    They’re not getting divorced. They’re not even being mean to each other…

    *I* DID THAT.


    I was called for this.

    and I did it.

    And I feel pride and tears.

    Thank you thank you thank you you wonderful spirit you.

  263.  #263Daria on June 9, 2013 at 1:50 am

    I feel fear that I’m taking on responsibilities too heavy for me and forgetting about me…

    but that’s just doubts

    the truth is, i feel good about this

    ‘but what if this is swept away, then what will you have to have faith in yourself in? You have no control over this…”

    but i have influence. and I have the power of my vision…

    I don’t NEED control

    control is not how to get what i want

    but holding my vision is, consistently stepping back on path

    and that voice always says, don’t claim that, youre claiming too much

    you shouldn’t want to help people or think youve helped people or take credit for helping people or else… you will crash burn hurt be disappointed and find yourself in a hard world girl!

    but i know its not the truth… ((((((((((NV))))))))))

    thank you all parts of me

  264.  #264Daria on June 9, 2013 at 1:58 am

    am i ‘doing too much’ by claiming healings and events in people’s lives are due to me?

    am i abandoning myself by doing this?

    i want to get this more, i want to heal whatever it is here

  265.  #265Indigo on June 9, 2013 at 2:13 am

    I’m sitting with my feelings today till I feel I want to break. So much stuff comes flooding in.

    I’m so glad I’m at home today and I don’t have any commitments.

  266.  #266Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 3:52 am

    Book: ATTACHED

  267.  #267Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 4:08 am

    “Communication Mini-Secret: Expand Your Comfort Zone

    If you know how to listen to your body by noticing your physiological changes from hormones, chemicals, or sensory information, your body can tell you a deep, meaningful message about your current state. Your body responds extremely fast to your experiences so it is possible to observe your physiology to control your psychology. A shot of adrenaline can gush through your body and cause you to realize your perceptions of a fight-or-flight situation. Though a release of adrenaline does not equal a flight-or-flight response, because the hormone gets released in other instances such as
    when standing-up, it can tell you a lot about your body’s reactions. An awareness of the adrenaline released into your body, allows you to identify its cause. If you initially perceive a fight-or-flight situation and there is no cause for such responses,
    you can control yourself. Noticing your physiological response allows you to change your thinking patterns and better adapt to the moment. The next time you are in a conversation talking about a difficult issue with someone who needs your support, notice if your eyes move away, your body language closes as you
    shun yourself from the moment, or your heartbeat increases to name a few possible physiological reactions to feeling uncomfortable. It is possible you follow a predictive pattern when you feel uncomfortable, and recognizing these bodily reactions allows you to better cope. This exercise has tremendous potential to not only increase your power with people, but also for generally making you more aware of your body’s messages.

    Do not think that this exercise is limited to reassuring or supportive communication. I encourage you to go through the exercise again, except this time do it for something you fear to notice what your body is telling you during the fearful encounter.
    By better understanding the forces within your body – even gravity – you can become more aware of your reactions, and dynamics to situations, to control them because what was once hidden gets put into your awareness.

    This mini-secret is an excerpt from Communication Secrets of Powerful People.”

  268.  #268Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 5:25 am

    Princess Madeline of Sweden seemed to have followed Rori style with success

  269.  #269Luzydel on June 9, 2013 at 6:07 am

    @ 268

    I don’t know why, but I feel uncomfortable reading that.

  270.  #270Lisa on June 9, 2013 at 6:19 am

    I don’t know where to begin last night at dinner “M” started a conversation on how he needed to schedule everything in our romantic life even sex in order for his spiritual practice to work. He needs consistent schedules. I’d ask him to get back with me during the day, as we started the convo last night and it got late. He didn’t… he started it as soon as we sat down to dinner. Not really a great place to have an important convo about your relationship. I explained that “E” hadn’t gone to sleep until 1:30a and that I was totally exhausted and at best was in listening mode.. He continued on and pushed the conversation. ( as usual) it has to be on his time and not when I request it. He said I’m leaving town for a week when else can we discuss this.. ( well earlier in the day would have been nice not at a romantic date).

    I was having to go to the bathroom to keep from crying at my table.. and then I came back and said “I need to go outside”. I was “feeling” my feelings in real time… and I said “I need to cry”. We went to the car. Missed the play he bought tickets for. We ended up in the car having this convo… I used my feeling messages to start out.. and then he got frustrated and twisted it… it ended up me just telling him how I felt…

    He wants to spend less time with me, only 2 hours on one day a week, and schedule sex at 8:30 and be done by 10:30 and left. I told him that I can’t schedule everything… and that some parts of my life need to be outside of scheduling… we both realized that we are very different in that way… he said that works for him. I feel like I’m suffocating when I have to schedule everything…

    later on he brought up… paying for all my dinners and me not reciprocating!!!! I was just taken back!!! I’ve never scheduled a date he always calls and asks me out… and he decides the place, he doesn’t ask me where I want to go. I don’t cook for him, as I know that Rori suggests that you wait to do that… I thought “M” was fine with it… He said I don’t mind paying for your dinner and taking you out, I just notice you don’t reciprocate.

    So, my thoughts were right, it was about money, and he does have the tit for tat thing going…

    We almost broke up… I was really close to saying that we need to go our separate ways…

    I was scared… to do it… afraid it might be a mistake… that it might be a rash decision in the moment…

    He was getting anxious about losing money on the play tickets and I need to go to the bathroom so we walked to the theater and he ask for a refund or something… they gave him a new date to come back to the play and new tickets.

    I said, I need a hug after that… he gave me a BIG hug outside the theater… he said “your my baby”…. he took me to the jazz bar and he was affectionate and loving… and we laughed… we then went to the other jazz bar and danced…

    he later told me he loved me and that he wants me… again he said “your my baby”… sex was wonderful he looked deeply into my eyes and told me he loves me… we cuddled and it felt safe and wonderful….

    I’m so confused…. I don’t want him to be torn between me and meditation and his spiritual practice… but even he said it wasn’t my fault that he isn’t following through with his meditation and he is resenting me for it and that wasn’t fair. I also don’t want to be in a relationship where I feel that my intimacy has to be scheduled and fit in a box… nor do I want to be in a relationship where giving in not giving but keeping tabs… even during sex…..

    I love him deeply…. and I don’t know what to do… my head hurts… from crying…


  271.  #271BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 7:13 am

    Daria – I might have asked you this before, but have you listened to Goddess Alchemy Project? I believe you might really like their vibe.

    I see you, sister healer. You are The Magick 🙂

  272.  #272Indigo on June 9, 2013 at 7:17 am


    Maybe take a few days to figure out what it is *you* want from a relationship, without having to worry about his needs and his schedule for a bit…

    So that you can be in a strong position to communicate that? That might tell you a lot about the health and status of your relationship. Just a thought.


  273.  #273BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 7:21 am

    I am feeling pretty darned good this morning…
    something I like to do on the weekends is WBTB, which is waking up after a few hours of sleep, taking some choline, and going back to sleep to induce lucid or at the very least vivid dreams.

    When I first started this, my dreams were a mish-mash of overwhelming images. I stopped for a few months and started again recently and wowwww!
    This morning, it was sex and deliciousness galore.
    I had an old black man going down on me, some kind of Willy Wonka guy worshiping ad adoring and sexing me up, I was breast-feeding a baby boy (I don’t know why, but I LOVE to breast feed babies in my dreams, oxytocin rush!), and when I walked out of the old, rustic room I was in, I walked into a palatial room, filled with stunning gold images of Isis and Nepthys – I turned, there was a mirror, and I was an Egyptian woman dressed in decadent red and gold silks, I felt stunned by my own beauty.

    Some other part of the dream, my young son and I were being attacked by “Scream” like ghosts, I held them off with my hands, they melted, I called angels to come take them away and wash the goo off my hands. I felt like a queen, like, this is what angels do, it’s their pleasure and purpose to serve me. I was sure to offer appreciation 🙂

    Omg so fun, so cool. I keep practicing the “dignity” exercise, “I am a queen, I am the treasure, I am the prize”…it’s seeping through, I think.

  274.  #274BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 7:26 am


    ..and…what Indigo said.
    I myself would love a sure thing with someone I feel comfortable with once a week, but I wouldn’t want to be exclusive with that person.

  275.  #275BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 8:26 am


    In family constellations, there is a healing sentence that comes up from time to time, it is, “I love your mother in you, it is okay with me if you are like her.”

    I am adopted, and I look, act, and think very differently from my (adopted) family. I’m a free-spirited, curly-hair, broad-featured centrist tantric in a family of super-conservative, super skinny, straight-haired, mainstream beautiful people. I got a lot of spoken and unspoken criticism from my parents for being like my birthmother. I felt relief, love and joy in repeating, over and over to myself, “I love my mother in me, it is okay with me if I am like her” – just typing it now brings tears to my eyes and a little rush in my heart.

  276.  #276BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 8:27 am

    …although at first I felt a little ill, like, “Huh? What? NO it is not okay!”, lol.
    I just kept repeating it every now and then until it started feeling good.

  277.  #277Veronica on June 9, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Daria -220 – Thank you (me all smily here)

  278.  #278Veronica on June 9, 2013 at 8:32 am


  279.  #279seahorse on June 9, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Happy Birthday Daria!

  280.  #280Daria on June 9, 2013 at 8:48 am

    (((((((BeLoved)))))))) thank you for sharing about yourself … that felt awesomely beautiful… i feel trembly moved face

  281.  #281Daria on June 9, 2013 at 8:52 am

    BeLoved – I will look at Goddess Alchemy project today…

    I feel a bit wary and jealous and put off and curious and flowy

  282.  #282Daria on June 9, 2013 at 8:52 am

    thank you seahorse 🙂

  283.  #283Daria on June 9, 2013 at 8:55 am

    Thank you Femininine Woman I intend to explore the book

  284.  #284seahorse on June 9, 2013 at 8:57 am

    Things feel surreal. My friend died and it feels………..breathing………. I feel like I’m in a dream. ……there are the regular moments of the day and then thoughts of him bubble up and I remember OH i won’t be able to be with him and tell him these very silly things……and the museums and concerts and really funny pics on facebook…………………. our facebook cover pics were very silly and it so much fun to try to out do each other. …….. it hurts and I feel sad. ………breathing to let it ALL the glorious feelings flow through…….and I have release and easing on all of my body…….. a gratefulness for the teacher who gave this knowledge to me………………. I miss my friend……….. now to be there with hugs and casseroles for his partner……………. and a voice pops up inside somewhere and is shiny like and gentle and says lets go have some fun……………… what does that look like right now???? the beach? pond? bath tub??………. ohhhhhh it’s always water I want to soothe myself………. I love being in the water…..

  285.  #285Daria on June 9, 2013 at 9:11 am

    I’m feeling excited today 🙂 I have fun stuff to read that I downloaded… weeee

  286.  #286Daria on June 9, 2013 at 9:13 am

    seahorse – i would definitiely try to tell him those things… in the ethers! see if you can hear him, keep trusting what you hear, and his voice may become so clear !

    That happened for me when my friend passed… he’s still here with me and its been 10 years now

  287.  #287seahorse on June 9, 2013 at 9:35 am

    Strange thoughts………………. I have been operating under the idea that I was invisible………….. When out and about, I thought I was watching people and was a watcher……….. In becoming more PRESENT, I realize that I am seen. Yesterday my little siren and I were feeling the grief and we went to a restaurant she likes. On the patio we sat. While we were there and in our bubble, there were MANY men around…. car club and other assorted men;)……. I feel giggly…….. I was laughing and getting teary with LS(little siren) and noticed a man whose wife got up and went to the bathroom. He stood up for her and when she came back to the table he stood and did the chair thing. It was SO BEAUTIFUL! As we were leaving and taking our to go boxes I noticed that there was ketchup under mine, I had gone back to our table and ws going to wipe it off. The married guy and his friend said to me that they have napkins I could use at their table. I was already at my table and LS was standing very close to them and they said to her, You and your mom have fun together don’t you? She said yes, I love my mom. They were smiling so big! I kinda got flustered and let it flow through me and then relaxed. I had to do this awareness thing right there…….. really quick but I DID IT! Great job seahorse for being aware! It was so ……………. It FELT so awesome to be……………… admired? I don’t know the word………………. Then I noticed the other men looking and smiling at us….giggly now!……………. The men around us were saying to have a good day and LS and I, arm in arm floated away……………. Then LS says to me….. those men were flirting with you mom! I t felt so good. I am the Goddess Seahorse……………. woop woop!

  288.  #288seahorse on June 9, 2013 at 9:39 am

    I feel panicked at the thought ………. What if a man asked me for my number when LS is with me??????

  289.  #289seahorse on June 9, 2013 at 9:42 am

    Daria, I believe that also. It feels good to know that he will hear me……………… I feel giggly thinking about me at the museum, talking to myself and gesturing at paintings………………… hahhahahahaha!!!!!

  290.  #290seahorse on June 9, 2013 at 10:09 am

    I feel laughter with me!!! Talk about baby steps!!!!!! hahahahahahahhaha!!!! I’m getting there!!! Slow and easy is the name of my game and ……….. I feel really great about SLOW! Enjoy all the moments as they unfold! YES my insides answer!!!! YES to SLOW ans easy!

  291.  #291Dominique on June 9, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Elsie – 232 – Awesome sweetheart. You got it. You really, really got it. 🙂


  292.  #292BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 10:58 am

    Daria – Now I remember, I did post this sometime last year, I’m going to post it again though cuz I’m in that kind of mood 🙂

    Lasting Origins of Vibrant Evolution
    Lasting Origins of Vibrant Evolution

    Lasting Origins of Vibrant Evolution
    Love in its original time-
    Fulfillment inside, then look to a person
    To honor such a brilliant light
    Born of the earth, and love is communion
    Sacred union that can strengthen each stride
    My sister we see, you’re walking your journey
    And we bless you with the highest of light

    Lasting origins, and the love is solution
    Time to go within to further evolution
    Grow the soul of that we know
    Walk the path of truth we show
    I am myself contained a whole
    And you, I see, complete the “we”
    Collectively, true love body

    Because we love we, love we
    Not separately from me, love we
    So oh oh, sister, in this whisper we say:
    “walk your path strong every night and each day”
    And to you we sing this song with all our love we shall say

    Lasting Origins of Vibrant Evolution
    We first got to love ourselves right
    Fulfillment inside, then look to a person
    To honor such a brilliant light
    Born of the earth, and love is communion
    Sacred union that can strengthen each stride
    My sister we see, you’re walking your journey
    And we bless you with the highest of light

    So on the night when the feel is right
    We bless you and send you on your sacred flight
    Upon the wind sweet love we send
    To consecrate your sacred
    Union of the soul,
    Spirit we know, see it…your glow
    Feel it, watch it grow…
    And echo from the depths of the cosmos
    Oh deep soul, we want you to know
    You’re so beautiful
    So beautiful
    Emanate essence of a potent rose
    A rarity, as vast as the sea
    Like the river she flows so effortlessly
    A divine beauty, She shine through we
    My sister divine, sent from above…
    A reflection of pure and eternal love
    Eternal love, eternal love

    Lasting Origins of Vibrant Evolution
    Love in its original time-
    Fulfillment inside, then look to a person
    To honor such a brilliant light
    Born of the earth, and love is communion
    Sacred union that can strengthen each stride
    My sister we see, you’re walking your journey
    And we bless you with the highest of light

    Love is the solution so set your love free
    Further evolution in blessed unity
    Love is the solution so set your love free
    Further evolution in blessed unity

  293.  #293BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Daria this is the one that really reminds me of you for some reason:

    Science of a New Time

    This is open source soul symmetry
    Designed to activate the flow within we
    This is open source soul symmetry
    Aligned to magnify the flow of divinity
    More than one sista on the mic at a time
    Time to open up your holographic mind and unwind
    To the science of a new time
    To the science of a new time
    Ta tat a ta tap (x2)

    Time is an illusion gots to rise above confusion
    Alchemical solution to alleviate pollution yeah (x2)

    These are the schematics of our soul mathematics
    If you want to quench your unrelenting thirst best take a deep breath first
    For if you wanna dance with we, best align your soul symmetry

    To the rhythm of your breath
    and the reason of this rhyme is to resurrect the depth
    We all long to express
    Within a played out paradigm
    Within a played out paradigm
    Ta-tat a-ta-tap

    We bringin it up from the ground
    And down from the sky
    Meet it in the middle open up third eye yes (x2)
    Third eye oh my rewind back to the time
    We be kickin’ it wih our sistas in the alchemetic shrine
    Writin hieroglyphics of the parabolic kind
    Plantin seeds in the mind to unveil in modern times
    Now we harvestin the science and translatin’ it in rhyme (x2)

    More than one sista on the mic 1 – 2
    More than one sista so what you gonna do? (x2)
    This insista no resista cause she gonna raise her fists up
    Sista no resista (what-wha-wha-wha-what?) (x2)
    She be a busta, a pseudo-system raider
    A lyrical crusader, here to burn down dem hater
    Inna this time we drink of the spiritual divine
    From the well of the self
    In this time we can find
    The nectar, elixir, sip from flame of da fire
    Ready to burn dem down w the potency of desire
    Of desire, of desire…

    More than one sista on the mic at a time
    Time to open up your holographic mind and unwind
    To the science of a new time
    To the science of a new time

  294.  #294Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    Lisa I know many men like routine. I also know some couples who schedule sex. How long have you been together?

  295.  #295BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 1:54 pm


    “Lisa I know many men like routine.”
    FW, he may like routine, but 2 hours, one day a week? For sex? That’s what I’d call a booty call.

    I don’t mean to devalue that, either, like I said, I personally would be totally fine with a dependable booty call 🙂 Someone I know and care about, don’t have to be exclusive with, I know the sex is good, and can trust them to show up and not stand me up..that would feel good to me, if that were the case.

    It would feel horrible if that was my exclusive, committed relationship, though. It’s not enough to be a relationship.

  296.  #296Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 2:21 pm

    I don’t know much about booty calls but I imagine that it would not include deep looking in the eyes, kissing, and regular dating. The two hour sex seems like part of the nest routine to me. Maybe it is the libido why it is only one per week but asking questions could get the answers. If this is a committed relationship the lady has got to be prepared to ask or step away if things don’t feel good to her.

  297.  #297Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    The week he will be away will be a great time to really look at everything, feel deeply and to check in the heart to see if this commitment needs to be broken or renegotiated.

  298.  #298Olivia on June 9, 2013 at 2:43 pm

    @Lisa – I feel triggered by your experience with this man. I hope not to trigger you. I have commented along these lines before -it feels triggering to me when I hear of a person who professes to be on a very spiritual path (which to me should mean first and foremost kindness and flowing with everyone and the world more) does hurtful things that are uptight and seem to come from a guiltiness about sex. Which one may see arise in the “saduh” or monk types who go into celibacy and see that as necessary to go deeper into their spirituality. And this is that person’s choice of course. But that does nto seem compatible to me with a relationship with a “siren” or goddess.

    But then you say he looked deeply into your eyes during love making and it was wonderful…and that seems to me like this extreme contrast in behavior that frightens me as unstable.

    I know this is really judgy and weird but I feel the need to write it because maybe it will speak to you. Which may be silly. But there it is.

    I apologize in advance if this offends you.

    And the comments on this thread are amazing all over the darn place. Wow.

    Happy to know about all this.


  299.  #299Olivia on June 9, 2013 at 2:45 pm

    (and to be clear I am referring to comment 270)

  300.  #300Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 3:06 pm

    Couples who express dissatisfaction in their relationship usually cite these problems:

    * lack of good communication
    * stress
    * feel stuck in a rut
    * money problems
    * intimacy issues

    The easiest way to fix all of these problems is with
    frequent (yet, inexpensive) date nights.

    1. Set a frequency that works for your relationship.
    Ideally it would be once a week but maybe it has to
    be once a month.

    Whatever it is, get it on the calendar.

    2. Switch up the dates.

    Resist the temptation to do the same thing over and
    over (like dinner out).

    New places, events and settings will spark new
    communication and keep the excitement level high.

    3. Keep the cost down if money is a stress point in your relationship.

    Going into debt will only make your problems worse.

    Much love to you

    Susie and Otto Collins

  301.  #301BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 3:35 pm


    FW, reading this post, I’m struck by the image of a little girl, backed into a corner, holding a ragged teddy bear, one fist clenched.
    She’s insisting, “My Daddy IS coming home, he IS he IS, my Daddy loves me and HE IS COMING HOME, he didn’t just leave me, you’ll see.”
    I feel tears rise and a waves of tiny red roses emerges and falls from my heart chakra like a waterfall.
    I spread my arms out, palms up to her, I get on my knees at her eye level.
    First I tell her, “Your daddy loves you, and, he is not coming home.”
    She comes to my arms, lets me hold her, we are both crying, I kiss and kiss and kiss her and we rock together, crying.
    Then it all dissolves, and I feel peace.
    I feel love.

  302.  #302BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    Oh, cool, she isn’t gone, I feel her as if I am carrying her in a sling on my belly, wrapped tight against me. It isn’t the most comfortable feeling, and I told her she’s welcome to stay as long as she needs.

    I have no idea where this stuff comes from…I just roll with it.

  303.  #303Elsie on June 9, 2013 at 4:56 pm


    Not. So. Fast. 🙂 Please dont be so fast to praise me. I got it – I mean I REALLY got it yesterday.

    Today is another story. He didnt call or text last night to come over. I remember him saying just a couple of weeks ago – “You know, I would be there every night if I could.” And I laughed and said “No, you wouldnt, you need alone time.” And he said – “No, I really would be there every night if I could.”

    Well, he could have been here every night this last week and wasnt. I’m not sure what to make of that.

    He was alone on Friday night. He was alone on Sat. night. He was completely alone today and I havent heard from him at ALL today – not even a text.

    But what I said holds true.

    I am my mother. And I dont want to be – with him or with anyone else. So whether or not he is enough for me – I dont know. But I DO KNOW that I want to change for myself. I dont like being like that. I was berated by her again today for something. Exhausting. LOL – I blow it off, but she is a piece of work. And I refuse to act like her anymore. I will work and work until the end to not be like her anymore.

    So, I’m disappointed that he didnt come over on Friday. I’m disappointed that he didnt spend the whole night except one time. I’m disappointed that the night we were out he didnt say I was pretty or thank me for the tickets.

    But I’m thinking this.

    This man is like a rechargeable battery. He NEEDS this time alone to recharge for himself and for me.

    I dont want him to be with me and feel OBLIGATED to be with me. I WANT HIM TO WANT to be with me. So, thats it. I’m not asking anymore, I”m not pushing anymore, and I’m setting the oars down again. I”m hoping that I wont pick them up but I can make promises haha!

    I love when he does things like the TV etc. and I cant be surprised if I’m planning every minute.

    So – he needs time to recharge, and I”m letting him.

    I will see him tomorrow at work. I will say that I”m disappointed that this week did not go at all the way he led me to believe that it would. It was an expectation I had simply because he had said that he would want to spend every night with me. I’m disappointed about that.

    I’m not sure if this man is enough for me. But to find out I need to pull back, figure out what it is that I want to be and then see if he can be what I need once I am healthy.

    I plan on still seeing him, etc. but I’m going to work on myself and making sure that I get really healthy.

    My prior post about boundaries was truly earth shattering for me. If everything is a boundary then nothing is – and its true – people become immune and numb if you are constantly exhasuting them the way my mother does to me.

    So – I’m disappointed he didnt come over. I guess I need to figure out the healthiest way to handle that disappointment for him not coming over as much as he led me to believe he would – and him not spending the night as much – and him not coming over this weekend.

    How do you girls handle it when you are truly disappointed. What do you do? I’m genuinely curious….and any advice on the above would be appreciated too….

  304.  #304Millie on June 9, 2013 at 5:21 pm


    Hi! I appreciated your post about noticing how similar you are to your mother. I also am my mother’s daughter in many ways and I feel good being aware of the qualities I embody from her, the ones I perceive to be positive and negative and can move forward accordingly.

    When your man says “I would be there every night if I could,” I hear you focusing on the “I would be there,” part of the sentence. The other half is, “if I could.” I hear him telling you he can’t be there every night, for whatever personal reason that is. If each day you expect him to live up to the first part of that sentence, you will repeatedly feel disappointed and let down because he is telling you, he can’t. His reason may or may not be space.

    Asking yourself if he gives enough time to you is a good question to be asking. I would imagine that if you want to get married, then wanting a man to be able to give the time and attention you need is not unreasonable. However, you will feel disappointed and exhausted if you measure each day, each week, by how much he came over. My advice would be to view his presence as an addition to your life, and his absence….a return to normalcy….instead of a subtraction from your life or a subtraction from his truth.

  305.  #305BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 5:29 pm

    Elsie, I feel my feelings all the way through, notice what thoughts or images come up, if I need to do anything with them, then ask myself, what do I want to do for ME right now?

    My date on Friday didn’t make it due to a family emergency, and I felt disappointed for a minute, wished him well, considered my options, then went to visit my niece and grandniece, which turned out to be better than expected because my other sister and 2 of my other nieces showed up unexpectedly, so I had a great visit, got to play with the baby, hugs from the little ones, lots of yumminess.

    I felt disappointed when I realized my mother hadn’t done anything to get ready for me to move in yesterday ….binged a little bit on junk food, considered shoplifting something, noticed that as a sign that something deeper was going on, consciously acknowledged I was choosing to use food and planning to purge to deal with my feelings- then called T and got to the real feelings underneath that were triggered, forgot all about the other plans for self-medication I had been making, slept well and had the dreams I mentioned above 🙂

    I felt disappointed that T wasn’t planning to get me to OR the way I wanted him to, so I riffed here, sulked for a few days, decided I was Through Forever (for the hundred billionth time), called him and said some childish things with a smattering of FM’s, re-connected with him, and got on with my life.

    So, there you have it – 3 different examples of feeling disappointed, and the different ways I handled them 🙂

  306.  #306Elsie on June 9, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    Ok just to clarify – I believe he said….

    “You know I would be there every night, right?”…..

    I think I added the “if I could.” But that said – I think its implied. The time that he said it – he implied that he would be there if he was able to due to his siutaiton, not things he just needs to get done at home, etc. THATS why I was disappointed. He truly led me to believe that he would be with me every night that was an available night when he didnt have the kids, etc.

    Thats why I wast upset.

    I am going to re-read Millie and BeLoved’s comments, I think they are full of advice.

    I am looking forward to all the advice I get on this – I need all the help I can get with how to PRACTICALLY deal with disappointment.

  307.  #307Millie on June 9, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    @Lisa 270–

    Lisa…I let out a big sigh when I read this post. I understand that reality does require schedules, especially when two adults are busy, but hearing that feels so unromantic. I feel turned off when men talk about logistics sometimes. He only wants to see you once a week for two hours? To me that feels like a lemon being squeezed hard and only a little drop coming out. I hear your desire for more juice. I agree with others that sitting on this will help you make a decision.

  308.  #308Elsie on June 9, 2013 at 5:50 pm

    @Lisa – I will also say that I was triggered by your post. PLanning and scheduling is awesome and great. But someone telling me that they can work me in for two hours of s3x from 830 to 1030 once a week, seems like….wow…..very inconsiderate. I know that everyone has needs. But your needs are not being considered AT all. I think he is saying that it is his way or the highway. Take it or leave it. That is very selfish. I think he can connect to you when he is with you. But the question is – if he is only with you for two hours a week, what kind of a relationship is that? I’m just asking……

    I’m learning that every person has different needs and boundaries. Again, the question is – what is it that YOU need.

  309.  #309Millie on June 9, 2013 at 6:09 pm


    I understand. You are saying that what he said implied that there are sometimes situations that prevent him from coming, not something inside himself that prevents him from coming…

    When I feel disappointed, I FEEL disappointed. I try to quiet my mind, to not reason myself out of it. I feel like there is sometimes nothing to do or say except communicate that and move on. Sometimes changing a perspective helps, realizing two people are in this, honoring other people’s needs as well as your own.

    I went on a date last night that left me feeling a little disappointed. We were kissing and going to fool around a bit in the car, haha… and he said he felt uncomfortable in the car, he felt hot, his stomach hurt, felt pressure that he needs to feel his best tomorrow for rehearsal and that he felt bad he couldn’t drink more or stay out later….I felt disappointed that the evening had to end, but at the same time I hear that he was uncomfortable with the circumstances surrounding the date and that tomorrow was important to him and it was best for us both to just take note of that and next time hopefully plan better. I like that he is serious about his job and wants to feel his best for it. I don’t want to suck energy from that passion that makes him attractive. I wish I had better advice, but I felt disappointed, he apologized, I appreciated the night and moved forward with my life. There is that part of me that feels insecure that he didn’t want to stay out, but when I step back and look at the big picture….all his actions were pointed towards him wanting to see me AND doing what he needs to do.

    I wish I had better advice to give…I wish I knew the best way to handle disappointment too, I do the best I can to acknowledge those feelings, but not let sabotage the good things.

  310.  #310Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    Elsie I wonder if you have considered using body language or some otherb tool like leaning back to express the disappointment. If you keep repesting the same words it won’t register. Sometimes saying things once or silence can speak louder than any words you may choose. If you pull your energy back to zero he will feel it and ask what is wrong. Then for sure you know he wants to know.

  311.  #311BeLoved on June 9, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    Awww, Elsie, lol, you are so sweet 🙂

    I don’t think mine is full of advice – I will say I notice it was a lot easier to shift the focus to me with the date that I didn’t know, vs. feeling disappointed by my mother, vs. feeling disappointed by T, who I have 11 years of history with.

    And..I’m going to toss this in here just in case it is helpful to anyone, I’ve often noticed that after I release some long-buried feelings, the next day or even the next few days I tend to feel manic.
    I noticed this shortly after I first came to this blog.

    Today I felt as if I had drunk a giant Red Bull. To deal with it, my practice was to keep noticing the feeling of my feet on the ground, the feel of my pelvis, and doing a grounding meditation.

    Also I noticed, the feelings that came up around feeling disappointed by my mom, were not that big of a deal. Once I started talking them out with T, what stood out most was the feelings of embarrassment over having the feelings, and the resistance to feeling ‘needy’, feeling ashamed of feeling dependent on T and showing him my childish, immature thoughts and feelings…all of that on TOP of the feelings of disappointment were driving me to overeat and consider making a series of choices that would have probably totally destabilized the inner foundation I’ve been cultivating.

  312.  #312Olivia on June 9, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    @Elsie -When I feel disappointed I try to get busy with all the things I am putting off. And then being disappointed almost becomes this opportunity to do whatever it is I’m putting off – doing girly grooming stuff, meditating, working on job search things, cooking for myself.

    I do my fair share of sulking in those moments I admit. These days, as my relationship is settling in, I am really working on pulling myself out of my head when i start to obsess or feel bad and like he isn’t doing “enough” and get back into bodily sensations and feelings and doing tangible things that need to be done.

    Love to y’all…

  313.  #313Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 7:15 pm

    Thank you Daria I needed to hear that!!!!!
    OMG you are right who cares if I have ‘rules’ and ExoticCD doesn’t like it, he is not the last guy on earth and I can meet other men….

  314.  #314Olivia on June 9, 2013 at 7:18 pm

    And of course to remember the disappointed voice is trying to help you. It needs to be acknowledged and patted on the head, like “okay I hear you”. But it’s not fair that she drown out other perspectives..

    heheh that sounds crazy out of context!

  315.  #315Elsie on June 9, 2013 at 7:28 pm

    @Millie – Yes, he absolutely led me to believe unless he absolutely couldnt he would be with me every night. I remember I laughed and said no you wouldnt you need alone time, and he said no……I would be with you every night. I guess I was right and i know him better than he knows himself.

    @FW – Yes, I think body language and leaning back is key. When he went into a “funk” last fall, I pulled so far back, I was in a different hemisphere I think. LOL. It worked VERY well. I didnt answer every text, I didnt answer every email. It worked. I think I need to get back there, and regroup and find myself again, and not be so needy and dependent. I am absolutely that anxious type in that book Attached that Zia mentioned, and he is absolutely avoidant. So – in order for this to work, and frankly because I want to any way – I want to get from anxious to healthy.

    @BeLoved – LOL I feel manic all the time – just kidding. I just feel like I feel things so much more – just like Dominique talks about. I often found that I felt almost “superior” to other people because my feelings were so strong about…well….everything. And then I realized, that, wow, thats also just like my mother, and the problem is that when people who are sort of more normal and stable see you be dramatic about everything, then again, they become immune and numb to it. And it doesnt help that you are screaming to them, no I REALLY am this upset!!! All the time!!! LOL!!!!

    @Olivia – Thank you for that – its very helpful and useful. I did do that today, and actually got quite a bit done, went Letterboxing with my kids, and found one!!! We did a ton around the house, hung out, and then I even helped one try to learn to ride a big kid bike LOL! Good times.

    Its not that I am sitting pining for him, its that I dont understand why when he FINALLY has time to spend with me, he is not.

    I dont know if I’ll ever know because I”m not bringing it up.

    I remember saying to him, I dont want to convince anyone anymore to be with me. I just want to look over and see if they are there. If they are there, then they want to be with me and if they are not then they dont – its that simple. He looked at me when I said that, and opened his arms basically to say “Look, I’m here.” And I thought….well, you are for now, we’ll see in the future.

    So – this last week, I didnt see him standing next to me as much or as often as I would like, and sometimes even though he was next to me, it wasnt as nurturing as I would like.

    But I”m not going to convince anyone to be with me. I dont have it in me anymore, and I truly mean that. I want someone who thinks that they have won the lottery by waking up to me every day. If he isnt even here in the mornings at all – then how would I know that he feels that way.

    We’ll see – right now I cant lie – I’m very happy about some things that happened this week, and disappointed about others.

    I have decided I need to just lay low and lean back. Drop the oars.

    And as Mercedes has said, just to take care of myself, until this man is in a place where he can put his arm around me in public and have it not be a big deal. That day…..that day will be a good good day.

  316.  #316Lisa on June 9, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Thanks so much! We have been together 5 mos…and yes I realize couples do schedule sex… it feels too rigid for me… I need more freedom and flexibility… I can’t get turned on that way… ( could be deal breaker )

    We talked tonight as one of his complaints was that I never call him… well I don’t call him b/c I don’t want to lean forward or chase… and I want to give him time to himself… I didn’t realize he was frustrated about it..

    He explained his theory on putting things down on paper and then looking at both our needs and seeing how we can plan them to work together…(that feels good) so I now know more about what his needs are in scheduling….. and I talked to him about how we might discuss the difference for me in planning goals and scheduling… could be a difference in definition??

    He said he feels I’m ready to run from the relationship and that is making him feel uncomfortable… I owned it…and apologized. I said, “I’m hearing that you need a woman that is going not run when things get tough and will stick it out and work through it”…. he said Yes!

    @Elsie that is why I started crying at the dinner table. I felt like a hair appt or something.. I felt squeezed in.. Thanks for clarifying that.. I told him tonight I was still trying to figure out the trigger and why the emotion was so strong. You just helped me put it into words…

    @Millie it’s only during the week for 2hrs… on the Saturday night longer… so he will get his meditation in… but yes, again that is what I was feeling like lemon squeezing out a drop… and significant reduction in our time together which feels like we are going backwards not forward…

    He told me tonight a story about his dad and his relationship. NOW I know what is going on…he has some residual things going on from how his dad has dealt with relationships..(conditioning) and I don’t think he realizes it… I’ll need to bring that up when he comes back.

    @Olivia I know that bugs me too.. “M” isn’t quite that way, at least to me now he isn’t.. but I’m seeing that his idea of his own enlightenment is far different that what I see as his enlightenment….. and so I’m keeping an eye on that…thanks for bringing that up..

    My head is still pounding all day and not much sleep last night b/c of all this emotional stuff…triggers…which I’m still looking at…

    Basically tonight we got more clear.. I told him that, for me, I needed to be able to be all of me in my relationship, not just the good.. and that he also has sides of him that have come up that might not be so desirable, I needed to have that freedom also. So, we’ll see if that is what he does or if it will be a double standard.. where the man can be all sides of himself and the woman can’t….

    I’m proud of myself in that when he brought up the not so great side of me… that I owned it but I also loved it… and I said “That’s me”…. so he’ll have to decide if, he can love and accept that side of me… or not…

    He has a very self absorbed side of himself, that I don’t think he realizes… but he has toned it down a lot, since I’ve brought it up… we’ll see..

    I’m grateful for this week to get clear on what I need.. I look forward to, discussing me needs with him when he gets back…

    I apologized for my end of the stuff from last night, I noticed he didn’t… ( something to keep in mind) and he also said thank you for saying that to me. I said, I’m a very humble person and when I know and see it, I apologize… I don’t need to defend myself…

    I was being in his business when I was trying to fix his meditation conflict, I see that was being controlling, it isn’t for me to fix…

    I can’t thank you all enough for your support and insight/postings… it has been so wonderful… and I feel so loved… imperfections and all!!!

    OXOXOX {{{ Hugs }}}} to you all!

  317.  #317Elsie on June 9, 2013 at 7:52 pm

    I was just doing an exercise from Christian Carter and had a lightbulb moment. He talks about seeing things from a man’s perspective, etc. and how some women have this skill that allows them to not only see the differences but make good use of them.

    So I started thinking. He is very hands off on certain things. He isnt needy or clingy, in fact, when his kids went on vacation with his ex he didnt even ask exactly where in California they were going, or exactly when they would be back. (I think that is partly because he didnt want to concede control to her, and just knew she would be back in time for the kids to go to school, etc.) So I think thats totally weird, but if he is that laid back with his three kids, then WOW……ok. And he is absolutely the best dad and fantastic with those kids…..

    So I started to think – with this man, I would have freedom. I wouldnt have to carry the load like I did with my soon to be ex-husband. I would be free to pursue things I wanted to do – he woulndt be needy, and he wouldnt NEED me. I then had my moment. I dont want someone to NEED me. I want them to just want to be with me. So – this was huge for me. Because it meant that the one thing that he has is actually the one thing that I need more of – more time for me – more time to not have to give to someone else, but have time for self fulfillment.

    Anyway – just thought I’d share.

  318.  #318Femininewoman on June 9, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    Lisa I feel happy reading that.

  319.  #319Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 8:16 pm

    It is time for me to start making some big changes.

  320.  #320Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 8:19 pm

    I’m holding back…
    There is a job I am afraid to pursue…I feel upset admitting that…
    I know I can do the job I just feel tired and don’t want to start something new even though I “want” to….
    I feel conflicted…
    There are things that I don’t do because of my living situation…
    I need down time, which I don’t have enough of due to my living arrangements….

  321.  #321Lisa on June 9, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    @ Olivia I also do the same and have noticed that channeling that energy to things that I’ve put off, helps keep me productive.. and less depressed…

    oops did I spell your name wrong… sorry, if I did, I have a massive headache..


  322.  #322Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 8:48 pm

    Daria I have a hard time ignoring exoticCD or recycledcd when they contact me. I feel like omg I’m excited and also I feel like if I ignore them for too long they will disappear and I notice this is a clingy vibe/tendency …
    Replying so they don’t “go away”

  323.  #323Daria on June 9, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    ah i just eraased my post hehe

    I LOVE how i took care of myself ! and the yumie stuff i bought omgosh it rocks! All healthy and all feel good…

    and took myself to parks, practiced relaxing and being gentle with me, and shifting to better feleing thoughts in the moment…

    jsut AWESOME!

  324.  #324Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 8:49 pm

    I want to change that and lose the sense of urgency…

  325.  #325Daria on June 9, 2013 at 8:52 pm

    Emerson – ah I know that feeling hehe

    I would just continue replying, and just do all the loving of myself when i notice the fear that they will go away, etc.

    I actualy have a new guy now that I don’t feel like responding to his text (he said to come to him, i feel like rolling my eyes)

    Im actually getting ok with dropping these guys even though i would feel glad and turned on (they’re sexy) if they came on to me and stepped up

    i just dont want to take my energy there anymore, waste of time

    so eventually maybe you too won’t even feel like replying anymore

  326.  #326Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    Thank you daria!!!!!!
    i like how you said that you don’t want to take your energy there anymore…
    EVEN THO they are sexy …. That is exactly me with both exotic and recycled.
    Me also Rolling eyes at exotic for wanting me to go to him…
    And recycled doesn’t do that, but he just fails to step up after a few good times together (sex if I want he’s always willing if I want to but I don’t always…)
    So at times I want to punch him in the face for not “claiming me” …. Omg that sounds so controlling and psycho I feel kinda raw and amused at myself…

  327.  #327Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 9:18 pm

    I really want someone near my age too… I don’t want to limit too much because I know love at any age can happen… But I want someone who is from my generation…. It feels cozy somehow…

  328.  #328Millie on June 9, 2013 at 9:33 pm

    So….I actually really like this older man I started seeing. We had a great conversation about “wearing the pants.” It started out about paying for dates…and I said that I like reciprocating, but I don’t want to wear the pants, I want to feel like a woman, and I want to be with a man who enjoys wearing the pants. He responded well to that, I’m really glad we had that conversation. He shared a lot more about himself and I found myself enjoying just being with him. We went to an old fashioned steakhouse where there was a jazz singer. Even as people left, we stayed in the red leather booth and listened to the singer. It was perfect.

    My insecure little girl that wants to be loved is surfacing..because I feel myself liking him, wanting to see him again, scared that he might not want to see me again. I know this is my insecure voice talking, my fear that no one will want to be with me, my fears…. Anyway, we will see what happens….

  329.  #329Spongepaint on June 9, 2013 at 9:35 pm

    Theme: I am scared that he will CD himself!

    This is the first time I post here.

    I am now in a 6 month girlfriend relationship with a man I have known for many years as a friend. Romance came as a surprise to both of us last New Years Eve and I have been living the dream and having the best time I ever had with a man.

    If it was not by RR, I would be believing that I was leading for marriage, more likely I would be feeling as if I were married already.


    I did the non-girlfriend speech PART 1 only (part 1 being I want to marry, not be a girlfriend).

    I could not tell this men about CD because:
    – He has recently been dumped and cheated on, in a 12-year marriage
    – He was sexually exclusive with his wife, now he is with me. I am scared that he will CD himself.

    I am trying to do the “spiritual CD” with man in general, but will it work if I don’t tell my boyfriend about CD?

  330.  #330Daria on June 9, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    Emerson – “So at times I want to punch him in the face for not “claiming me” …. Omg that sounds so controlling and psycho I feel kinda raw and amused at myself…”

    wow this resonates with what im doing now

    I focused in on some Sentences Rori says in Heart connection toolkit


    she says, when you notice yourself feleing bad, heading for the blues,

    first ask yourself “Am I angry?”

    Then ask yourself

    “What am I angry about?”

    And then, instead of tryina rationalize it, just say out loud

    “I feel so angry” (sometimes I feel ridiculous doing this, I sound like totally ‘nonthreating’ and like a baby)

    she says, dont worry if it sounds like the tantrum voice of a 2 year old , there is that voice inside of you and she wants to be Heard, by YOU!

    Well practicing this all throughout my day the past couple of days has really started to change my relationship with expressing feelings! (and I thought I was pretty good with that already)

    i no longer feel as ridiculous saying “i feel angry”

    and I’m noticing I feel it a lot!

    It’s starting to be more ‘normal’ to say this, and less like judging myself pscyho. It’s starting to feel like I might actually say this in front of someone else, when I really feel it!

    I would so recommend this… it seems it’s moving me on a level of vulnerability I wasnt getting through to before (when I was triggered and angry, still shut down, still judge myself… etct)

  331.  #331Daria on June 9, 2013 at 10:52 pm

    it doesnt matter if it’s psycho or unreasonable!

    “I feel angry” and thats’ all I need to say! And me saying that out loud even to myself is very very important to make it ok and important for me to feel what i feel ! anger!

  332.  #332Daria on June 9, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    and you know what it doesn’t sound psycho or controlling… it sounds Natural. and i can relate.

    and i think only because i’ve been practicing this, I can see myself now saying “I feel SO angry!” when i notice I feel like punching him in the face for not claiming me… and feeling ok with myself instead of judging it

  333.  #333Veronica on June 9, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    I’m feeling this very strong resistance in my body to contacting BM. There’s this strong ‘I will not, I don’t want to, this isn’t for me’. Yes I do have feelings for him and did not want our relationship to end. I feel such sadness and disappointment. It now feels like too much work to be with him or involved with him. I don’t know – it’s like something switched off in me. I have all the feelings but no desire whatsoever to be in contact. I’m tired of feeling like I’m being pushed away, like getting a bunch of ‘you can’ts’.

    I feel rejected and that I couldn’t be accepted as who I was. It felt like so little trust in me. I feel angry and treated wrongly and being unheard when my honesty about having trouble being friends when I feel more is treated with frustration and ‘as living in the past’. I feel unfairly treated when my plans of going to Pittsburgh are seen as me trying to recoup a relationship that was lost. I never asked him to help me move there, I never told/asked him to stay with him, meet him , meet his friends, meet his family, show me around, where all the nice places to hang out are. I never inserted myself into his plans even though we share some interests. I never told him where I was planning to stay or where I was planning to hang out (as hints). I didn’t pepper him with texts or e-mails. No begging or reminiscing. No hypothesising about a future relationship together. And I still feel like I’m being treated as though I were needy or clingy. I feel so unheard.

    And now I just tell myself to stay far away. I believed I behaved reasonably. I started to feel like I knew nothing about being in relationships and my self-confidence was getting pretty low. So I just stay away now because I don’t know anymore.

  334.  #334Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 11:03 pm

    I feel a little more hopeful today

  335.  #335Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Thanks Daria that is helpful I feel heard and I feel acknowledged& kinda puffed up and high esteem that so much thought was given to me and a response to me 🙂

  336.  #336Emerson on June 9, 2013 at 11:10 pm

    Sometimes I wish I was a little braver like you Daria and ask guys if they like to eat pu$$y…
    I don’t feel comfortable to ask when I first meet them but sometimes I want to be more sexually open and “daring” to communicate this way… It kinda feels like a turn on thinking about it!!! Yumm hahha
    I want to experiment and ask someone that just to see how it feels… Hee hee

  337.  #337Daria on June 9, 2013 at 11:23 pm

    Emerson I feel ‘bitter’ …

    am i feeling angry


    wht do I feel angry about?

    I feel angry it doesn’t feel easy to get guys to eat my pussie anymore, and it did when I was young…

    I feel angry!

    and I feel ashamed and panicked a bit

    I feel scared! I feel unworthy, insecure, I feel a bit sad


    hmmm yay healing this babysteps

  338.  #338Veronica on June 9, 2013 at 11:55 pm

    Something in me wants to stand by my feeling of “I will not shrink my being to get affection from this man.” I’m exhilarated by this strength but I’m also scared of it – I don’t want it to turn me into a hard unfeeling person. Oh but I feel like a queen that has taken her sceptre and declared something into law, tapped it on the ground and the space around her changes in accordance with her statement.

  339.  #339Daria on June 10, 2013 at 12:01 am

    Veronica – maybe you feel angry? do you feel angry?

  340.  #340Veronica on June 10, 2013 at 12:43 am


    Is that how I come across? I would really like to hear your point of view.

    I do feel angry sometimes but it isn’t a raging anger, it’s very quiet in the sense that nobody around me has seen me angry very often. It’s not that I’m saying I did what was ‘correct’ and so I should have gotten ‘this’ – I’m wary of thinking like this and do check myself on this. What I’m angry about is that it feels unjustified to be treated as though I was needy/clingy when my behaviour was not.

  341.  #341Indigo on June 10, 2013 at 4:10 am


    I really hear what you are saying about a man giving you “me time” and time to yourself. It’s probably one of the biggest reasons I love D – he lets me *be* as much as I want, and lets me have as much time to myself and freedom to come and go without it affecting things whatsoever. That’s SO important to me.

  342.  #342Indigo on June 10, 2013 at 4:20 am

    I feel as if I am detoxing. It feels so weird having this silence between us. I’m noticing I have to call on my gentle strength every day, many times a day, to put him aside.

    I’m noticing how many things are coming up in the quiet. I feel pleased and good that I am able to let my thoughts float away like clouds across the sky and notice what I am feeling underneath.

    Last night, I tried Dominique’s tool of sinking into all your feelings before you drift off to sleep, and asking your higher self for guidance, or a message. I had a dream, that I was at D’s house (which looked totally different) and he had a roommate who was sort of pursuing me. And this roommate pulled me into one of the rooms and I said to him “I think you may have got the wrong impression, it’s not you that I love.”

    And I went through to the lounge and D was sleeping on the couch, and I lay down next to him and wanted to put my hand on his back, and he groggily woke up and said “I’ll hold your hand but then you have to leave it at that” and took my hand and then went back to sleep.

    The dream felt strange, and a little bit good.

  343.  #343Dominique on June 10, 2013 at 5:09 am

    Elsie – 303 – My point was you GET that you have some of your mother in you. HUGE awareness. Now you have something to work on and with.

    You GET that this ALL about you, and if he ends up being your “the one” is not as important as you figuring YOU out and growing and healing.

    If he can heal right along with you, fabulous, and if can’t, also fabulous, and YOU get to choose every step of the way.


  344.  #344Dominique on June 10, 2013 at 5:12 am

    Elsie – 306 – You can try looking at your feelings of disappointment as lessons. What is under the disappointment. Where are you feeling let down by YOU? Where are you disappointing YOU? Where have you been abandoning you?

    How can you fill the void you feel inside? With love from YOU?


  345.  #345BeLoved on June 10, 2013 at 5:15 am

    Elsie you sound like you are coming from a really really good place.
    Your mom sounds like she’d be great practice for using the tools 🙂

    My father was verbally abusive to me until I was in my late 20’s, when finally one day, I told him if he couldn’t speak to me with respect then he wasn’t going to speak to me at all. He sulked out, said, “It wasn’t much of a conversation anyway”, and hasn’t spoken a harsh word to me in the 16 years since. It wasn’t sireny! I didn’t know any better then, but it did the trick of changing the script and changing the dynamic between us.

  346.  #346LoveAlways on June 10, 2013 at 5:48 am

    Good morning sirens.

    I had a major revelation yesterday after listening to toxic men yesterday. I am in a toxic relationship with a difficult man. My perception has changed and I realize my own toxicity in this whole situation!! Baby steps from here on. Strong surrender. A total willingness to let him go. I’m stopping. It feels like the answer to the turmoil inside. I feel relaxed, anxious, sad, angry, vengeful and at peace. I love my soup it makes me feel truly alive. Thank you Rori.

  347.  #347IamHis on June 10, 2013 at 5:50 am

    I feel scared and nervous.

    I feel scared of getting hurt, and I feel nervous because I feel so inexperienced and judgmental.

    I wonder ‘why is he moving so fast? is he sincere?’ and worse, ‘why is he interested in me?’ ‘there must be something wrong with him if he’s interested in me. there must ESPECIALLY be something wrong if he’s interested in me and I’m interested in him too…”

    I need to tell him that I feel scared and nervous.

    could I have some feedback?

    “I like you, but I feel scared and nervous about it.”

    I don’t think it would be a good idea to tell him about how my negative voices suspect that there must be something wrong with him for being interested in me even though that’s kind of my belief? I don’t think I should tell him because it’s a “false belief.”

    Does that make sense?

  348.  #348Femininewoman on June 10, 2013 at 6:02 am

    “I apologized for my end of the stuff from last night, I noticed he didn’t”

    Lisa I hear you on this. I also believe it would be good to look inside to see if you apologized because you wanted him to do it also or if it was how you were authentically feeling at the moment.

  349.  #349Sassy on June 10, 2013 at 6:17 am

    I did it!!! I finally told him there would be no further contact.
    I feel as if I took my power back. I have NO desire to run after him even after he texted a “wat” after 2 weeks of ignoring and silence.
    Previously I would have played his game and followed up. No more! I’m done.
    Yay me!

  350.  #350Elsie on June 10, 2013 at 7:04 am

    @Dominique – your post moved me. I have let myself down. I have never thought about it like that.

    I started to think today about how there were so many little things he used to do for me, quick kisses, talks, etc. A LOT of that is gone now. I think part of it is because I became needy and he sensed it. I need to feel that way for myself and he will want to be part of it or he wont. I hope that the ship hasnt sailed with him, but if it has I will have learned a lot about myself.

    @Love Always – What a hard decision to make. Good for you!

    @Sassy – Good for you too – its so hard, but if you know you are doing the right thing, I’m so glad you took your power back. 🙂

  351.  #351Femininewoman on June 10, 2013 at 7:14 am

    “Here are some suggestions for reawakening the
    super-feminine woman inside of you:

    – Read ‘Women Who Run With the Wolves’, by
    Clarissa Pinkola Estes. It’s all about getting in
    touch with your ‘goddess energy’ – and although
    this might SOUND a bit cheesy, it’s actually a
    really useful read. And enjoyable to boot. Give it
    a shot.

    – Remember how to be playful? It’s one of the
    most rewarding aspects of femininity. Engage in a
    bit of wordplay with your man. Tease him gently.
    Have a laugh. ”

    Mirabelle Summers and Slade Shaw are the
    inimitable duo of dating and relationship experts

  352.  #352Vi on June 10, 2013 at 8:07 am

    There is guilt and sadness and worry in my Juice today.. I notice I feel superior toward one of my friend CDs’ wives… Like looking down on her like ‘see I get him better than you’ And it reminds me that this is just how I used to relate to my own mom.. It feels like a lump in my throat. I feel afraid I will be judged and I feel afraid I won’t be judged and that there will be nothing to distract me from feeling uncomfortable and disgusted by myself… The message is – I want to heal the way I relate to women.. It would feel so good to feel like a sister instead of competitor…. It would save me so much boy energy… I would feel like a mermaid splashing and playing in the waves…. It would help me to release so much tension from my body…. I love my tension I love my guilt I love my disgust , I love my patterns… I love my fear.. I love me. I give back to the Universe by healing me

  353.  #353Vi on June 10, 2013 at 8:26 am

    I love my fear of being healed. I love my fear I may never heal this. I love my walls. I feel awful making myself feel unsafe by feeling my abiliy to move past the walls and I love this feeling too. Rory wants me to choose the unknown. I love my ability to choose the unknown and I love my guilt for making me feel unsafe too.

  354.  #354Mercedes on June 10, 2013 at 8:42 am

    I wish I had 24 hours to take completely to myself and just read and meditate the entire time (and maybe sleep and eat…). Just 24 hours to spend in complete solitude with a strong focus on my meditation.

    Unfortunately, that is not a reality for me at this moment in time.

    Feeling a strong need to balance. I don’t feel balanced at all…and I want to. I feel like shutting my office door and pretending I’m not here.

    Much Love,

  355.  #355seahorse on June 10, 2013 at 8:44 am

    I have a ‘thing’ a situation and some advice would be helpful please. My little siren had discovered that her father had an affair. It was through pic that had been posted on facebook. Background of a room that the dates she was told didn’t match up…………… and then she asked questions and she then figured it out. She told him what she found and he denied it. I had said it was none of her business and none of mine anymore either. I had handled all this with much love and patience and we worked the TOOLS. So……………. fast forward a year and half later and things are starting to slip in regards to their comments in front of her. Her older brother has no clue and she doesn’t say anything to him. When it happens she is ‘very aware’ of her brother………. she said in the car her fathers gf said something about the drive he used to do to have lunch with her and how it wasn’t a problem for him then. He dad shut down the convo and glared at the gf, little siren caught all of it and looked at her dad in the rearview mirror, she raised her eyebrow at him…………… very itimidating when she does that……so, her brother is sitting next to her and does an elbow nudge and what’s up? type thing, she says she just shook her head and she changed the subject…………………….. and while I write this I felt angry and patient and sad too…………… I don’t know what more I can do for her……….. We do our accepting of all things, feeling messages for the soup and painting and WALKING, lots of walking. I don’t have contact with him and i feel like I am trying to control the situation and I don’t want to. I want them to be more careful about their stuff. Or maybe talk to her and explain? blahhhhhhhhhhh BLAHHHHHH!!! Feels dirty kinda………. I feel relieved I am not a part of it. I feel sorrow for them and really want for all to work out more harmoniously…………… First, Little Siren needs some words………… besides “It’s none of your business” basically. Help?

  356.  #356seahorse on June 10, 2013 at 8:50 am

    Maybe she is doing just fine????? The teaching her that she is her own fountain of love was helpful. She is a sensitive too. And her love language is touch and quality time. I give that in abundance:) Joyfully too! She is so beautiful and kind. An old soul her counselor had said. I feel mama bear coming and I love her too……. Thank you

  357.  #357Veronica on June 10, 2013 at 8:51 am

    The pain I feel today is sharp and burning. I wish I could get over this. I love my pain. I love how you bring me back to me, showing me I need love. Thank you pain.

    Okay feeling peaceful now.

    Veronica please take care of me. Step closer to love, he took nothing away from me when he went. I am still here, still full of life and love and feeling. Let my body have fresh air. There is no mistake I can’t forgive you for.

    Even in all this pain and ‘less-than’ feelings see the men who notice you when you smile and relax. See the waiter whose energy was so ready for you. See the lodger who said you were cute on the day you felt so rejected, who made sure you saw him. See the little boy who wanted so much for you to smile at him. See the man whose energy wanted to linger a little longer when he almost bumped into you. See the men who look at you with some wonder at the mall on the day you felt less than. See the women who were so happy to spend time with you. See the friend who feels for you and supports you.

    I love me – all of me.

    I’ve never written to myself like a lover. I really like this. This feels good, calming, soothing, healing.

  358.  #358Mercedes on June 10, 2013 at 8:52 am

    In my opinion, someone needs to tell Little Siren that they know she knows and that’s okay. She needs to know that even though others don’t always admit to things or tell the truth, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know anything. She knows and you believe her and that’s all that matters.

    Beyond that, I don’t think she can make people own up to anything. I don’t think she can (or even should be the one to) bring this all out in the open. I think she can roll her eyes when she hears the lies or sees the slip ups and just move on. I think she can learn to leave their lives to karma and move forward with her own.

    Getting people to admit their faults to us serves no purpose. She knows what she knows. You believe her and now she can just live her life knowing that people are judged and payed back for the way they live their lives.

    And then give her a hug.

    Much Love,

  359.  #359seahorse on June 10, 2013 at 8:53 am

    I’m doing Daria’s ‘I feel angry”………………… Why does it work better out loud?????? Feeling curious and pleased

  360.  #360seahorse on June 10, 2013 at 9:02 am

    Mercedes, I agree and Feel so happy at reading the way you put that. I like the eye rolling, much more age appropriate then the single raised eyebrow, heheheheheehhe!!!! I had said ” To be the ducks azz……. the water just rolls right off, never gets in, and you can paddle happily away.’ Oh!!!! More water references, we love the water. She laughed at that, said I was the funniest Mom and I felt so proud to have helped. Thank you Mercedes

  361.  #361Hana on June 10, 2013 at 9:03 am

    Hi Gorgeous Sirens! I need some advice:

    It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve heard from A. I want to send him a message because I’m pretty my aggressive behavior triggered something from my past behavior that led to our breakup. What do you ladies think of this:

    Honey, I see that something’s bothering you and it’s really difficult.
    If it’s because of something I’ve done or said, you can always say
    anything to me, honestly, without worrying that I’ll take it
    If it’s anything else, I hope you’ll find a solution soon. In the
    meantime, I’ll leave you alone, knowing things will get better soon.
    Just know that I’m around anytime you need or want me for
    anything. Love you.


  362.  #362Hana on June 10, 2013 at 9:08 am

    Or should I leave him be? Haha, I’m not that upset anymore, I’m dating 2 men now and it’s fun, but I just don’t want us to go down the same path again of pretending there isn’t something going on!

  363.  #363Femininewoman on June 10, 2013 at 9:10 am

    Hi Hana. I thought of you last night and started to write but decided not to because I did not want to trigger any bad feelings.

    2 weeks is a short time. Also I have learned from Rori’s Reconnect Your Relationship not to write those types of messages. He knows he can call you when he wants to. If he is angry he will need to go through it on his own. Men tend to resurface between 4-6 weeks.

    If nothing is bothering him you would have just given him reason to look for something. I would trust that nothing is wrong and that he will resurface to see if things are okay on your end.

  364.  #364Hana on June 10, 2013 at 9:27 am

    Hi Feminine,

    I am so glad that I asked for advice, and thanks for giving me such thoughtful advice! I will take it. I had a feeling that it was the wrong thing to do. So, I will continue to go about my life… BUT, I do have a little concern. When I was at the club last Tuesday, he came early which he literally NEVER does he knows I come early, but I actually came late. I didn’t act cold, just went with the flow, he didn’t come up to me, I didn’t come up to him. I just danced like I always do with my other guys, and he danced really close to me to try to get my attention, but I just enjoyed myself. Then, after a little while I saw he started to dance with this tall blond woman. On my end, and I am reluctant to even assume this it looked like he was trying to make me jealous because the last time I acted jealous was over a mutual friend who is a Lesbian actually hehe, who when I wasn’t around A would dance quite a bit with him, and when I asked if he was attracted to her, he said “A little” with a smirk. It kind of made me crazy all night, and I’m sure he didn’t like it, after that night he still texted me throughout the day but then dissapeared. SO, it appears he was trying to see if he’d get a reaction. Anyway, I stood still and continued to have fun. I think he’s puzzled !! But, I feel really good, these few weeks has been super refreshing and strengthening, I met some beautiful new men and I’m really enjoying it. I miss him, but I’m really feeling like I need to take care of me more and next time he comes around I want to use all I’ve learned to make for a better communication and relationship.

    FW, you are a very selfless woman, I’m happy you are blogging here.


  365.  #365IamHis on June 10, 2013 at 9:30 am

    *feeling ignored and paranoid*

    Oh my gosh, I have issues with communicating.

    I notice I shut down when my mother is talking to me on the phone.

    Why do I shut down?

    I make assumptions about what she is going to say.

    So often, what she says feels painful and untrue.

    I feel unheard or misunderstood.

    I feel disrespected.

    I feel so teary…

    I feel so panicky…

    I walked in and I saw him and I felt so nervous and scared, so I walked past him without speaking to him. I’m pretty sure he saw me.

    It wasn’t *right* past him.

    It wasn’t like I necessarily did it on purpose, though I kind of did, but he couldn’t prove that…

    I did it a second time. I don’t know why. I feel unsure how to be around him.

    If you feel scared and unsure early on, way too early on, how is the guy supposed to know you’re interested in him?

    Then, when I came any where near him he would just walk away without saying anything…

    I feel like I ruined everything…

    Taken guy friend told me that the worst thing I could do was ignore him.

    Maybe I did it on some kind of subconscious level, because I don’t feel like I deserve him on some level?

    and can I fix it by showing interest and *acting like a normal person* now?

    I don’t know what a *normal person* would do.

    I know *normal girls* don’t become terrified and nervous so early on, do they?

    someone please help…

  366.  #366IamHis on June 10, 2013 at 9:48 am

    okay, I feel calmer…………………………………………..

    I cried a little bit and had some food.

    that felt really good….

  367.  #367IamHis on June 10, 2013 at 9:50 am

    I know I am over-reacting.

    but this is what goes on inside of me sometimes…

  368.  #368Mercedes on June 10, 2013 at 9:58 am

    IamHis: 🙂 Relax and breathe. It’s okay. He likely noticed YOU but didn’t notice anything odd about your behavior at all. He got to see you walk by a couple of times. Good chance he LIKED that.

    Relax and smile. Try smiling at him. Smiles are contageous! Try this: Take a deep breath in and let out a long silent sigh. As the air is escaping through your mouth for the sigh, let you lips spread into a smile. So as the air comes out your lips smile.

    This is the most relaxed smile ever. When I did photography I would use it to make a bride appear less nervous and more relaxed. You can’t fake smile if you smile while you are sighing. lol. It’s just sooooo soft and natural. Practice it in front of a mirror and when you get comfortable with it (probably after two sighs/smiles) you will be able to do it naturally in his presence. Well…his or anybody else’s. 🙂

    Bonus: Not only does this create a very soft and relaxed smile, it also fills you with a sense of peace as you fill you lungs with fresh air and consciously breathe it all out.

    But even if you choose not to breathe, relax, sigh and smile, at least know that you are fine. Walking past a man without saying or doing anything is fine. If nothing else, you gave him a nice view of your booty a couple of times. What man wouldn’t appreciate that?

    Much Love,

  369.  #369Mercedes on June 10, 2013 at 10:02 am


    boo typos!

  370.  #370IamHis on June 10, 2013 at 10:19 am

    Thanks, Mercedes!

  371.  #371Lisa on June 10, 2013 at 11:25 am

    I’m feeling grateful for understanding and growth…

    I’m feeling sad and angry that my confidence isn’t where I want it to be and I put up with more from men than I want to…

    I’m feeling angry that I’ve not attracted a man that isn’t like my other relationships and that means I have lots more work to do on myself…

    I’m feeling I’ll be ok and will find someone else if things don’t work with “M”… that feels good.

    I felt good being at the jazz bar on Sat. night and I felt like a siren….. I was circle dating while with there leaning back with”M” and that felt good that lots other men was making more than an effort to make eye contact with me, I looked them in the eye smiled. I was practicing holding my heart and loving it and allowing my energy to flow out…

    I feel good that I’m seeing more and more how “M” is like my father and that tells me I have more work to do on my wounded little girl.. that’s father didn’t treat her like she was valued… that might shift things… who knows…

    I’m feeling warm and cozy on the sofa now.. totally loving me.. and focusing on me… that feels good…


  372.  #372Mercedes on June 10, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    Lisa: “I’m feeling I’ll be ok and will find someone else if things don’t work with “M”… that feels good.”

    This is a really good place to be. Flow with that feeling… It creates this space of wholeness within yourself regardless of others. It is, in my opinion, very, very good.

    Much Love,

  373.  #373Mercedes on June 10, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    IamHis: 🙂 You’re welcome…

    Much Love,

  374.  #374Sunflower on June 10, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    This has be a great blog, and I felt so drawn to the discussion on boundaries. I am glad Rori is planning a new post on it. 🙂

    I liked Rori’s concept about “requiring” his presence without asking for it. But I feel unsure about what that means. Maybe even a bit confused. To get a man to feel more and more familiar and comfortable in your home- does one begin to “date” at home? Isn’t that a boundary? Doesn’t that mean “doing”, “leaning forward”?

  375.  #375Sunflower on June 10, 2013 at 12:38 pm

    Daria. Hugs! Best wishes for your birthday that has just gone by.

    Loved your princess and village girl story. Felt laughter, and resonated with the sea of feelings in your post, and felt totally drawn to you..:)

  376.  #376Millie on June 10, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    Ah! I just had this beautiful vision….feeling…
    I’m eating lunch at work… Alone… Listening to Beethoven and Vivaldi blast through the office. I feel a sense of movement through my body as I did in my former ballet days as a girl…. I was reading posts about circular dating and had this image flow through my mind and body about energy rotation. I feel how your focus and energy rotates around you… Whether a man is on your energy field or your job, the energy keeps moving, it doesn’t stop on one focus but flows through it. It feels like breath. I feel like dancing, allowing all these focuses to flow through me and pleasure me in turns, over and over….. Ah what a good feeling lunch! Ahh

  377.  #377Hana on June 10, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    I love that Millie!

  378.  #378Dominique on June 10, 2013 at 2:13 pm

    Hana – 360 – If you are truly not bothered by the two weeks no contact so much, then leave it alone.

    If it IS bothering you, then the next time he does make contact and if you still feel strange energy from him, off energy, weird energy then you can say something like – You seem far away/off/weird (insert adjective which feel best to you). Is there anything you want to say to me or tell me?

    If he says no, then you need to accept his no.


  379.  #379Dominique on June 10, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Iamhis – First of all I have no idea what normal is. Secondly, how you feel is NOT unusual. I felt just like this when men showed interest in me and even through much of the early dating and even into the early relationship.

    Even now I can feel shy and very ill at ease if a man I don’t know shows interest in me.

    How about loving this shy, scared part of you? And breathe a lot next time you feel like this. Keep telling yourself you CAN do this. You CAN talk to anyone calmly and with confidence. It may still feel all shaky inside though it won’t likely be evident to others, yet with time even this will settle down.


  380.  #380Daria on June 10, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    Aww thank you Sunflower 🙂

  381.  #381Olivia on June 10, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    This thread feels like such a love fest to me amongst everyone.
    @Mercedes — for some reason I feel like I ‘get’ you after this post…. your comments are so helpful to everyone…you are such a complex and interesting person…That is all! Smile!

  382.  #382Hana on June 10, 2013 at 8:17 pm

    Hello beautiful and thoughtful Dominque, thank you for your comment.

    I feel super tired yet strong tonight, every day that passes and there is no word, I don’t know if I’ve lost our connection all over again, or if this has been the greatest gift he’s given me. I’m meeting parts of myself that I’ve never been desperate to be close to. It is so amazing to have this opportunity for self exploration, there is so much growing to be had. At the same time, because he’s “come back” to me in the past, does not mean we are actually a “couple” does it? And, for him he may actually perceive this to have been a retry, what do you ladies think? And if so..I really should just stop putting so much hope on things, and move on regardless. I am though, dating and such, but I was really hoping for more for us because we were so close before our breakup. Anyway. No contact for 2 weeks other than the no talking run in and him trying to make me jealous or him just “pretending” that I’m not there or letting me know in action that he doesn’t actually want us to be together anymore? I feel sad about that, but really need to stop the connection to any of his actions. I should be focused on me more, and stop hanging in on every action and non action.

    I feel like loving myself more tonight! And love you all too!


  383.  #383Hana on June 10, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    I cut my hair and put a temporary red rinse (I’m a natural brunette), needed a change, but now I’m mourning the old Hana with the long hair. After I left my ex husband who was abusive, I had short hair like now, and growing it has given me some sort of exterior strength and a new shape and physical form for my freedom, but now stripped of that goddess length I am more vulnerable on the outside, it is helping me heal though I feel strong about that, and I needed a change, a re birth. Having shorter hair also reminds me of all the things I went through as a little girl. Having a pixie cut is having my little girl with me, and now that I’m an adult and having learned so much about love and me and life in general (still growing) it feels quite astonishingly new and mysterious. DEEP BREATH Deep breath…. I am happy you ladies are here for support, I feel good going to sleep on my own. I have my beautiful boys, who teach me every day. I have the beautiful and not so beautiful men that come and go that teach me every day, and I have you and all my sweet gf’s that support and encourage me, and I just wish I could hug you all and help you in return.

    Sweet dreams everyone, no more nightmares, just sweet dreams of now and tomorrow..


  384.  #384Dominique on June 11, 2013 at 7:16 am

    Hana – This is beautiful to read. No matter what happens with him, YOU are growing and blossoming in some amazing ways. It’s okay to feel sad. It’s okay to feel whatever it is you feel. ALLOW it all. This gives them a chance to flow through you and maybe transform into something which feels better.

    As for your hair, I think it sounds lovely. And the symbolic vulnerability is the best part of this. YAY you!!! And it will grow back if you miss the long.


  385.  #385Hana on June 11, 2013 at 7:36 am

    Thank you Dominique, I want to give you a warm hug. I love the color of YOUR hair btw!! It contrasts beautifully to your complexion.


  386.  #386Dominique on June 11, 2013 at 8:03 am

    You are so welcome Hana, and thank you. 🙂


  387.  #387Rori Raye on June 11, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Spongepaint – Please read more about CDing, and we’ll help you here. This is NOT all about “dating” literally. You can Circular Date with everyone you meet and talk to. You can Date Yourself. The whole point of CDing is therapeutic – for YOU! To build confidence, to practice all the Tools “in the field” with real men. You do not have to officially date anyone – I see that it makes you uncomfortable, so just see what happens here with this man. 6 months is VERY early to be looking for marriage….you neeed to find some alternate CD ways to stay sane and cool. Love, Rori

  388.  #388Spongepaint on June 12, 2013 at 7:56 pm

    Rori, I was watching Targeting Mr. Right today and I felt the CD spark! I totaly saw how my perspectives can widen up. Now I saw your comment, I felt so touched, thank you so much! it woke me up like a nice water splash. Your perceptions are amazing.

  389.  #389Simone on June 15, 2013 at 11:21 pm

    Hi I don’t know where u r ment to post stuff. Im in a relationship with seems to be a amazing man but ive had really bad relationships before. I am terrified of being hurt again when I like this man I aint been with him for to long I just want to know how I b a good girlfriend and how I should act to get it right this time. I feel like my past relationships were bad because of me. I always feel now that if something is to good then he must b hiding something he must have a secret girlfriend or daft things like that x

  390.  #390Rori Raye on June 16, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    Simone, I’ve deleted your last name for your privacy – and the best way is to comment on the most current post – that way, you can stay with the conversation. Love, Rori

  391.  #391Simone on June 16, 2013 at 1:37 pm

    Hi ive been hurt in relationships Im with a man at moment he lives a hour away from me I only been with him for a month weve said to each other we wont see other people and have called each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I aint met his family or friends I aint been to his house yet. He seems to good to b true im scared hes hiding something. I see him once to three times a week but I tend to see him on certain days this might b cause we work alot but im on his Facebook and there is no women but his family commenting. I asked to see him this weekend but he always has plans usually on a sat. I really don’t know how to act or what to do at the start of a relationship what do I do?? How do I learn how to trust.