Brave, Bold & Raw With Allana Pratt & Rori

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19_BBR_RoriRayeHere’s a free interview I did with Allana Pratt (you’ll want to listen to all the interviews and watch all the videos in this series – Allana is SO warm and open and vulnerable – she just gets the best out of her interviewees.

I know that what she got out of me was stellar, and you’ll get a lot from hearing it….

Just go here to listen to it all for free:

Love, Rori

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  1.  #1magic seahorse on October 25, 2013 at 8:38 am

    I feel tickled pink just watching the first opening video!!!!!!!! Happy Day to all sweet sirens!

  2.  #2Vi on October 25, 2013 at 8:50 am

    I feel a little afraid and I intend to be okay with that..

  3.  #3Lemonbutter on October 25, 2013 at 10:26 am

    For some reason I can’t find the interview, I will look again later. I feel a bit irritated by that site and the woman in the video.

  4.  #4April Rose on October 25, 2013 at 11:56 am

    Can’t find Rori’s interview with Allana either.

    It’s funny. cos I thought Allana was brilliant when I first heard an intervew with her.
    Somehow tho’, she doesn’t come across as well on video. I find myself more likely to judge when I’m looking at someone, maybe? Hmm. I feel curious

  5.  #5Turquoise on October 25, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    I heard from a mutual friend that some things were finally working out for sweetheart financially, and he’d be getting his own apartment, which I knew he really wanted. I sent him a text saying congratulations and he wrote back saying how much he thinks about me, wanted to see me, even as just friends. I agreed and have seen him twice. He switched to those vapor cigarettes and let his hair grow. He looks better, seems better… and seems to want to pick up right where we left off. I am open to dating him, but I don’t want to get sucked back in to being exclusive and committed. I’m worried that I’ll slide into what’s easy… he’s sooo attentive and texts, calls… wants to see me, make plans, etc. that I don’t know if I trust myself to keep it light and open to other men. I was texting with a guy who sounded awesome for me, although he lives an hour and a half away, and the last text I got said good night beautiful… several days ago. I sent him a happy Wednesday text, no reply. Mr. Conversation has been quiet all week… I don’t know. Going out tonight, will see friends. Sweetheart is taking me out to dinner tomorrow night… I have a really busy weekend with friends next weekend. I want some passion and excitement though. I want to really CD several different men who unique things into my life. Now, where to meet them…. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I hope you all have really fun weekends planned! About the settling in, I am thinking about that tool and will try it when the time seems right.

  6.  #6April Rose on October 25, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Hi Turquoise,

    You sound great ๐Ÿ™‚
    I too want to open my life to having many wonderful and unique men enriching it….mmmmm

  7.  #7April Rose on October 25, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    What are you feeling afraid about? Anything specific?
    Hugs to you, siren. I’ve had a week of unspecific fear, myself. A lot eased when my period came. Also, when I realised I’ve lapsed back into struggle in life. I intend to get back on the track of ease and fun and femininity. That feels freeing and aligned and not fearful at all.

  8.  #8Syreena on October 25, 2013 at 7:32 pm

    It feels so difficult for me to understand people who are happy to share their bodies with people they have spent so little time with and don’t really know.
    It really does turn me off so much when men who have taken me out on just a few dates come on to me in this way.
    It feels yucky and icky. Shudders.

  9.  #9Veronica on October 25, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    They’re coming closer – dating site men are asking for phone numbers – I feel nervous-excited but oh so safe because it’s not overwhelming, not yet. I like that my boy quietly insists on getting to know them fairly well before going offline. Thank you boy for removing short term dating so that it’s either friendship or long term dating – no in between grey torture.

    And they’re good about their contact so far – I like that. CultureCD doesn’t miss a beat – even though he was sick, he texted me to say that he was unwell and can we do something next week. I like that he takes care of himself generally and even more so when he’s sick.

    Fireguy apologises when he can’t keep in touch more than once daily and expresses how much he misses our chats – I like that unabashed expression of how he’s feeling. I’m learning to trust that for myself.

    DriveMan surprisingly is very ready to meet. I’m curious about him – he seems very masculine energy – ‘let me know when you’re available so I can plan’ kind of energy. I like it when a man makes plans for us meeting – there’s more of him in it and more of me to notice about him.

    This is all happening slowly but I didn’t lean forward and slowly these men are initiating, making plans, suggesting to meet, phone – it’s wonderful. I can also feel how I’m starting to feel more comfortable with CultureCD – it’s as if things are slowly building of their own accord – the more contact we have the more something grows. I don’t know what this something is but it feels so good to see myself coming out of myself as I sense this something growing. It’s not about making something ‘happen’, it’s just seeing what gets to grow. I’m quite slow when it comes to interacting with people but after quite a bit of time the interactions become quite valuable. I thought that because I was like this that I would never be good at dating. Thank you good men for helping me see this is not necessarily true.

    And I can feel in me this slight pushing to not view this as ‘someone who will be my lifelong lover will come out of this group of men’. And I’m thankful for that. Also I really want to have my sensual self be comfortable with expressing itself without it meaning that I want sex, I want to be ale to do that in the presence of a man – hence my being tentative about all this.
    For example, right now the morning and evenings, the air is just cool enough to sometimes almost feel it on my skin. I love that because for me it’s the perfect time for touch, I just feel so sensitive about it because a warm hand on my skin would feel amazing. And some men have warm bodies – I can’t describe this feeling that I have when I write that. I’m hoping that there will be men that’ll understand that just being touched would be enough.

  10.  #10Millie on October 26, 2013 at 12:16 am

    Veronica– i like reading about your different guys, it is so interesting to hear and see how different men respond in different ways. It is exciting..

    The last two guys who have asked me out, I haven’t been interested in. I went on a date with one and it was nice, but I didn’t feel attracted to him. Going out with him again feels like “work,” like Id have to try to be engaged…interesting. I feel the same way about the second guy. He asked me out, but I feel like it’s too much work…not sure why I’m feeling that way.
    I met another guy who I felt attracted too, but then found out later he’s a “player” type. Well….I must still be attracted to the “bad boys” without realizing it. He didn’t give me that impression at first…but maybe I just didn’t see the signs. He’s supposed to do some work on my car, but so far not much has progressed. This makes me feel impatient. I don’t like my car being in the state it is, I don’t want to wait around for someone else to have time to fix it, although I know that is how it goes with life sometimes. I don’t want to chase him down about it either, he knows what I want and what he needs to do, so even though this is not a dating situation, I am leaning back and trusting when he has time he’ll contact me. In the meantime my dad and I are going to do what we can to the car to improve it.

  11.  #11Millie on October 26, 2013 at 12:17 am

    Veronica I also love what you wrote about touch, it feels so sensuous with the fall air ๐Ÿ™‚

  12.  #12Lemonbutter on October 26, 2013 at 1:10 am

    Syreena #8,

    I feel that way sometimes as well. *hugs*

  13.  #13Syreena on October 26, 2013 at 2:11 am

    Ty Lemonbutter.

  14.  #14Syreena on October 26, 2013 at 4:25 am

    I can’t get my head aroubd it, driving me nuts.

    Yes I want to know that someone finds me attractive, that feels good. But not this, it doesn’t feel good. I feel at a loss how to handle this.

    It is like part of me wants to give a man a chance who’s energy is coming towards me and who finds me attractive. And then part of me feels turned off when they come on to me suggesting sex before they know me or I know them.
    So part of me wants to ignore them.

    I really don’t know how to handle this. Feel stuck!

  15.  #15Syreena on October 26, 2013 at 4:46 am

    Yayyy I did it, feel pleased, I mange to respond in a non attacking way without attacking or eing bothered about what they thought or the outcome.

    Felt scary though. Feels easier to be flipant, attacking, scarcastic or ignore. must admit.

  16.  #16Zia on October 26, 2013 at 6:11 am

    Am absolutely loving this summit, and can’t wait to hear you Rori ๐Ÿ™‚

  17.  #17Linda on October 26, 2013 at 7:15 am

    I feel peaceful this morning. It feels so good. Congruency is the word that comes to mind. I don’t feel pulled in all different directions or compromised in any way today. My mind ,heart and life are congruent for the first time in quite a while.

    It is quiet in my home. I can hear the wind blowing the trees around outside and the gentle sounds of my dog breathing next to me. Yep life is good today !

  18.  #18T-Girl on October 26, 2013 at 8:30 am

    Hi Turquise, it is so funny, the other day while reading the blog I was wondering about Sweatheart and if you were still seeing him. Thanks for the update.

    Things for me have been going very well. We are hosting an 80’s prom for J’s sister’s 50th birthday next week so have been busy with that. We are going to kind of do a flash mob at the party and do a zombie damce to the song Thriller so today I will be learning that.

    I have never felt more in love even after 2 1/2 years together and living together fot 1 1/2 years.

  19.  #19Lemonbutter on October 26, 2013 at 10:24 am

    Syreena 15

    Very happy for you ๐Ÿ˜€ I feel that it’s best to speak your truth, and be honest about how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable or otherwise, it’s best to say so.

    I’ve made the mistake so many times of biting my lip and not speaking up. And that led me to things that weren’t good for me.

  20.  #20Smile on October 26, 2013 at 10:42 am

    Hi sirens! So excited to be here, to check in and say hi.
    I’ve been really trying to be poetic and descriptive with amb over the last few months. He’s been away so lots of communication over computer…. And he’s better than it than me! I love how it’s becoming our natural way of sharing our day and time apart. Feeling truly wonderful!
    Lovely to read bits of the blog to find out how everyone is ๐Ÿ™‚

  21.  #21Lisa on October 26, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Well interestingly enough.. “C” is starting to book his trip here to see me….

    I have a question for Siren’s…. he ask if I could pick him up at the airport or if he should rent a car… I dunno on this one… I mean I don’t mind picking him up… but on the other hand then I will be his only source of transportation… and then our first meeting will be at the airport… which might be weird… that means taking my car everywhere on our dates… me driving.. which I don’t mind using my car, but it doesn’t feel masculine if I’m doing the picking up and driving everywhere..? I guess I could get him to drive my car…?? What do you think?

    Circle dating is coming along great… I met up with “G2” I met him last weekend and I walking down the sidewalk last night and ran into him..

    Funny… he told me later he’d been thinking about me all week and wanted to know if I’d consider going out with him…

    so now I have 3 men… and if “T” had stepped up… 4 ..shew!

    Last night I was so happy! on top of the world actually…smiling for no reason really! I noticed the men were responding to my bubbly self more, but the more feminine I’m becoming and the more men I’m attracting which last night was several… the more the women I’m with are really getting ugly… the question is…. what to do… being more sireny is great but then you have to deal with the catty side of women more b/c men are coming towards Me “you” more… I had to leave last night when the awkward, not speaking to me started… they wouldn’t even look at me..

    I had one guy ask me out when I was waiting for the bathroom… LOL!

    I have to say though being Sireny… is fun! It’s great to have so many men looking, interested and asking me out… I had it a lot when I was with “M”… now it seems to be coming back and more powerful this time…

    What do you think?


  22.  #22Indigo on October 26, 2013 at 11:51 am

    Hi Smile ๐Ÿ™‚

    So glad things are going so well for you!

  23.  #23Indigo on October 26, 2013 at 11:53 am


    I kinda feel you answered your own question with picking him up from the airport… you could always think of a script to say how it would feel better if he got a rental car.

    As to catty women, smile at them! Warmth, kindness, openness… extend your sireny irresistibleness to them, it’s a winner!

  24.  #24Smile on October 26, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Thanks indigo! Lovely to ‘see’ you ๐Ÿ™‚

  25.  #25Smile on October 26, 2013 at 12:07 pm

    Indigo, love your advice to Lisa to smile at catty women! Perfect way to approach it from my point of view too

  26.  #26Smile on October 26, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    I think about the blog and all the sirens on a daily basis, it’s affected my life so positively in all areas of my life.
    The tiniest of things throughout the day can remind me to be thankful to the blog.
    I feel thankful right now.

  27.  #27Liquid Light on October 26, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Lisa, you sound like you are having a hell of a lot of fun! You go girl! So happy for you! Re. the airport thing, I would def take him up on his offer to get a rental car otherwise it will be awkward and uncomfortable and you will be doing all the driving. Yuck.

    The online guy ended up canceling on me yesterday. We were supposed to go out last night and he had been emailing me and it kind of made me feel like he was expecting me to pay. But I just ignored that and then he canceled, he said something came up and that we could go out next week and that drinks were on him. I kinda thought that maybe he thought I was trying to get him to take me out or something and that was why he was being so weird about the whole thing.

    I went on another awesome bike ride with Muscles today. Beautiful day, great ride. He really is pretty cool so it was a pleasant surprise that it was so fun and easy to be around. I think I had kinda thrown him into the friend bucket. He asked me out for dinner, though, and I was happy about that. You just never know. ๐Ÿ™‚

    And I’m going to see Negotiator tomorrow who is also a sweetheart. I haven’t seen him since speed dating but we’ve talked on the phone several times. I’m looking forward to it.

  28.  #28Liquid Light on October 26, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    Syreena 15 Wow, Awesome and Inspiring!!!!

  29.  #29Lisa on October 26, 2013 at 2:34 pm


    I’m having a blast with men.. women on the other hand…not so good… I can certainly ignore them, but then having no one to hang out with… ๐Ÿ™

    It sounds like your having a blast tooo! You enjoy these men… I’m seeing my speed date guy tonight for the first time since the event…

    and “G2” called today to say he wanted to see me tomorrow…

    Yikes! I’m getting too booked up….

    So how can I script the rental car thing? So, that it doesn’t sound like I’m rejecting to pick him up but inspiring him to be masculine ???

    I hit a pot hole the other night.. I got a flat and thought it would just be the cost of a new tire… but nope new rim… and I didn’t realize how expensive the rims are on my new ( used ) car….. but instead of being sad and depressed all night, I just decided to be happy… and I was over the moon happy last night.. even though it ended poorly with the women…


  30.  #30April Rose on October 26, 2013 at 3:21 pm

    Oh, I get it!…A siren smiles and is warm to all.
    She’s just very choosy about who gets into her bed!!!!

  31.  #31Lisa on October 26, 2013 at 3:38 pm

    @AprilRose Yes!!! and into her heart…


  32.  #32Liquid Light on October 26, 2013 at 5:26 pm

    @Lisa I dunno, I’m not great at scripting. But maybe you could say thanks for offering to rent a car, that would be great! And leave it at that?

    I’m sure someone else could come up with something better though! ๐Ÿ™‚

  33.  #33Zia on October 26, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    So this guy I’ve gone on a couple of dates with…… I feel like i’m getting closer and closer to what I want. I don’t mind if it takes a few more men to get there. He’s everything I want – texts me every day to say hi, calls me often, brought flowers and chocolate with him to pick me up on the second date, the ONLY thing is that I’m not feeling much of a spark in the romantic sense. I’m practising being open and allowing myself to experience it all and will go out with him again and see how it goes… but if there continues to be no spark then so be it… BUT it has shown me there are great men out there who are capable of giving to a woman ๐Ÿ™‚

  34.  #34Lisa on October 26, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    @Zia that’s great! Wish I was there….

    ok tonight started out OK.. I did laugh and he did ask me questions and we talked.. it was good for awhile then it crashed when he started to talk about sex… down hill fast… I didn’t use my feeling message, but I did notice when my body was getting tense… and when I stopped wanting to look at him…

    He as too old for me anyways… trying to divert the convo didn’t help, and sooooo I was waiting to see what lesson or message I was to get from this one… and it was to leave much sooner…use my feeling messages…

    I’m feeling uncomfortable with this conversation, I’m feeling tired and want to go home…

    Funny he kept saying I have a wall up, and funny how I noticed it wasn’t a wall, it was me being done with the company I was with b/c he couldn’t find anything else to discuss… other than sex….. and I’m so happy I noticed no wall, just ” I don’t want to be here”..


  35.  #35Lisa on October 26, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    It came to me just now… what isn’t working for me…

    I’m too tolerant… I end things later than I need to… and I give too many chances… what does that draw into me…?

    also, it would be good to… just get up as soon as I notice the tension set in and say, I’m needing to go… or I’m going to leave now.. thanks so much.


  36.  #36Linda G on October 26, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    I am having similar difficulty expressing my truth. Tonight I went on a 7th date, over a 2 1/2 month period. He always asks me to come for dinner to his apartment, and I say no, I don’t like to go to men’s homes etc etc.
    He has been kidding that each time we go out, he place is that much closer to his house.

    He said he wants to show me where he lives so I can understand him better. I said I Don’t feel ready or comfortable.
    After dinner, instead of driving me home, he drove to his house! The way there I knew it was the wrong direction.

    He asked me to come up. I said, no, I want to go home. He said just or 3 minutes, I said no.

    He has been so good to me, generous, considerate, etc. but I was furious! When he asked if I was ok I said yes.

    The way there I was imagining callng a taxi or a friend, suddenly feeling unsafe. I know I am closed off, and want to keep my heart open.

    He insists he really cares for me, is letting me set the pace. But he is badgering me, smiling all the while. What to do?
    Can I speak my truth without ending it?

  37.  #37Linda G on October 26, 2013 at 9:48 pm

    Perhaps this is my message as well, like Zia says

    BUT it has shown me there are great men out there who are capable of giving to a woman

  38.  #38Emerson on October 26, 2013 at 10:32 pm

    Hmm I feel like I’m selling myself short sometimes. I’ve been experimenting with flirty texts with CDs but then it starts to feel like wow would I really put out after just a few meetings and not even proper dates? No I won’t. So why am I entertaining this sexual flirting over text.
    Cuz I’m bored.
    And lonely.

  39.  #39Emerson on October 26, 2013 at 10:34 pm

    36 Linda you handled this beautifully ….
    I don’t like the badgering …
    It feels bad and a turn off..

  40.  #40Emerson on October 26, 2013 at 10:35 pm

    Haha it’s ok Emerson…
    Really all I want is some male company and attention …

  41.  #41Linda G on October 26, 2013 at 10:50 pm

    Emerson, sometimes I find myself doing the same thing on line. It feels safe to flirt and get sexy, but then I panic, knowing that really isn’t me

    Or is it?

  42.  #42Cris on October 27, 2013 at 1:13 am

    this “flirting with life” concept is very interesting. And sometimes difficult! … continue in my journey towards femenine energy and its effects… ๐Ÿ™‚

  43.  #43April Rose on October 27, 2013 at 5:42 am

    I am feeling angry at myself for putting my romantic hopes in a man who is not (and may not be capable of) cherishing me in a way that my heart can feel at peace and my soul sing with joy.

    Sometimes I feel so fragile in the face of modern life and its fast pace and roughness. I would like a partner who can help take some of the strain off me, so I can stop struggling and shine my light.

    I would like to be massaged. I would love to have the kind of sex that connects me to my own deeper inner feminine self the way nothing else can.

    I would like a relationship with a man who is strong enough and generous with his ability to take care of himself, and take care of me too.

    I would like to feel ‘got’, so that there is no need to explain myself (which feels so draining).

    I really want to feel understood.

    Sighing…sweet sighs…..

  44.  #44Indigo on October 27, 2013 at 6:55 am

    (((April Rose)))

    I am wondering what is keeping you with this man?

  45.  #45Lisa on October 27, 2013 at 7:17 am

    @April Rose I understand that need… I too have felt that way…. {{{ hugs}}}

    @Linda G {{{hugs}}}

    I slept really well last night since days really… and after last night I’m very sure I don’t want male attention – if it is like from that man or one like him…. I felt so happy to come home… I felt grossed out when he tried to kiss me… and I felt so happy after last night… to be waking up in my house in my bed… and NOT that it even dawned on me to sleep with that man EEEEEWWWWW but that It certainly is MY choice to be alone now… given the men I’ve come across in the past 3 mos…

    Good to notice that… it’s my choice to not be in a relationship now… no one has stepped up, no one has been good enough to get my juicy self…no once has been ” a good man” yet… though their actions are there to some extent, they let me know very soon what is on their agenda… but last night no way was it every going to be ongoing… I’m choosing to be with ME now, until a “great man” steps up and offers me something BETTER than or equal to what I have with myself…

    Just jotting my thoughts down…


  46.  #46Lisa on October 27, 2013 at 8:38 am

    How does this sound…

    “I do love hot tubs and jacuzzi’s when I’m with the right man”

    I just can’t bring myself to use the word feel in all my communications… that feels fake for me…

    So, I’m wondering if just expressing I I do love or I do really enjoy is a way of using my feeling messages without over doing the “I feel….” statements…


  47.  #47Indigo on October 27, 2013 at 9:01 am


    Are you wanting to use that in your profile?

    Please don’t take offence to this, but talking about Jacuzzi’s and hot tubs seems to communicate sex and booty calls to me!

    Love to you! x

  48.  #48Lisa on October 27, 2013 at 9:23 am

    @ Indigo No not going to use it in my profile..”C” ask me if I like them.

    I was wanting to convey in a message that yes, I do like them, but in the right situation and with the right man..


  49.  #49April Rose on October 27, 2013 at 9:41 am


    What keeps me with him is a classic case if ‘intermittent rewards’ (see Rori’s program Toxic Men)
    Plus, he does want to make me happy. He tries and often misses the mark.
    And, his priorities seem to be stress and obsessive thinking about work.
    My priority is my relationship, and I’d love that to be mirrored in my partner.

    Thank you for the hugs Indigo, and Lisa too
    (((((((hugs back to ya))))))))

  50.  #50Indigo on October 27, 2013 at 9:47 am

    I know that scenario well, April Rose.

    I was so much happier, in fact I started to come back to life, when I downgraded him in my priorities, my feelings, my life etc. Someone who is giving you so little is not that special.


  51.  #51Linda G on October 27, 2013 at 10:13 am

    I realize now, that when I allowed myself to be intimidated or persuaded to act against my true feelings, I was giving up my power

    It feels rotten, like betraying myself to keep the attention, do what’s expected

  52.  #52Linda G on October 27, 2013 at 10:14 am

    Thank you, Lisa for the hugs. I feel rattled

  53.  #53Amazed on October 27, 2013 at 10:55 am

    Lisa @ 46 I understand what you are saying…I do say I love…when I feel doesn’t sound right to me…I don’t know if that’s what we are supposed to be doing but I feel if that’s the better way to express myself at times I will.
    Life is good with this new man….he is masculine and very attractive. He cares about me and keeps saying he hasn’t felt this way about anyone for a long time and doesn’t know what I’ve done to him…. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you Rori, Dominique and all of you sirens for teaching me how to finally be able to communicate with a man through feeling messages. I feel so peaceful inside knowing that I don’t have to do anything. My boy energy feels yucky now and even though I still have to remind myself to lean back and to get out of my head I know I’m in a better place than I’ve ever been before.

  54.  #54Liquid Light on October 27, 2013 at 11:07 am

    @Amazed: You are living up to your name. That sounds so great and is so inspiring! Thanks for posting!! Your story is awesome and amazing and proves that this stuff works!

  55.  #55Amazed on October 27, 2013 at 11:20 am

    It definitely does prove it…before him there were 2 others – I met all online. I wish I had found this site before I met the first guy. I would have saved myself so much grief…I changed from that scared insecure little girl crying on the phone to him. I felt humiliated and so out of control because I wanted someone to love me…I had no idea. That was only 6 months ago…now he wouldn’t recognize me. ๐Ÿ™‚ The second guy wanted to be exclusive….but if something came up personally in his life he would cut off all communication and refused to see me. I would worry constantly and cry yet again! Long story short – they both contacted me again…I was now a siren and refused to take crumbs and accept anything that made me feel yucky. I am now open to accepting love from this good man and like Rori says…nothing you can say to the right man will make him leave you.

  56.  #56Liquid Light on October 27, 2013 at 11:22 am

    Wow, Amazed, only 6 months ago! So cool! ๐Ÿ™‚

  57.  #57Amazed on October 27, 2013 at 11:27 am

    It was such a relief to know I wasn’t supposed to be doing just being. That was my lightbulb moment of a lifetime…

  58.  #58Amazed on October 27, 2013 at 11:29 am

    I always thought being strong was being in control. I had no idea that being strong was being vunerable and open. It’s a beautiful thing… ๐Ÿ™‚

  59.  #59Liquid Light on October 27, 2013 at 11:33 am

    LInda G: Good for you for sticking to your guns and not going over to his place. That takes courage! Also, if there is fear you are feeling, there is prob a very valid reason for that.

  60.  #60Amazed on October 27, 2013 at 11:39 am

    Sorry I’m hogging the blog…I did a couple things while I was at his place…l helped make supper, do dishes and clean up. It felt wrong and yucky for me to be doing those things…yet I didn’t say anything. So I will have to say something next time he asks me to help…how can I put it in feeling messages and not come across like a spoiled brat? lol I also have to be the one to go to him, he has major pet allergies and I have cats. We both don’t want him to have an asthma attack as he had to be hospitalized in the past. He is really bothered by me coming to him though…I guess it just proves his masculinity and he is going to give me gas money. I did tell him not to worry about it (my boy energy…) so next time he offers I will accept.

  61.  #61Turquoise on October 27, 2013 at 11:41 am

    Hi April Rose. I hope we can both work on being open to CDing, and get some practice! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hi T-Girl… Thanks for thinking of me! I stopped seeing sweetheart soon after my mom died, late April. He’s reached out a few times over the summer, but I didn’t want to start things back up. Now that things are moving forward for him… I thought I’d see him, maybe we could be friends. We had a really great time at dinner last night. I’m open to dating him. He wants it to lead to marriage… But he’s not divorced yet, could be a long drawn out experience… I’m not sure what I want long term, but I’m open to dating and men treating me well. My friend wants to set me up with a friend of hers, going to have us over soon… I still have my profiles up. See how things go! I’m so glad to hear how happy you are! I’m so glad for you! ๐Ÿ™‚

  62.  #62Amazed on October 27, 2013 at 11:45 am

    Linda G. @ 36 Your post really triggered me….he does not respect you or your wishes. He put you in a situation that made you feel panicky and that makes me feel angry towards him. He insists he cares and is letting you set the pace?? I don’t feel that he is…he is rushing you without taking your feelings in consideration. I was in a relationship for almost 14 years and I felt unsafe quite a bit of that time. Please listen to your intuition and take back your siren power! (((hugs)))

  63.  #63Andrea on October 27, 2013 at 11:54 am

    I went back through the posts but can’t find who said it, “diminish the importance” of that man in your life. And I thought… “OOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!”

    You know what happens to me when I get involved with a man? I forget about MY feelings, MY desires, MY wants, MY dreams. It’s so easy for me to diminish the importance of ME.

    I’m realizing now that I WANT to take this time to practice. Practice holding on to MY ME-NESS, while at the same time allowing a man, or men to enhance and support that. I have chosen to enter into this practice…. and the ultimate is not to get a man, but it is to feel fully in love with life, and me, and to learn to be happy with in myself.

    That’s what I’m doing here, on this blog, in this segment of my life.

    I wanted to share that I’m a single mom and I put out an intention the other day that I really want to cultivate closeness with my two children. Just out of the blue… the man that I’ve been so aware of lately decided to take a trip to Las Vegas… completely with out me, didn’t include me in the planning or anything, just sprung it on me… “I’m going to Vegas.”

    I was hurt and surprised at first, but all weekend I’ve been spending uninterrupted time and energy on my daughters. And really listening to them, really seeing the young ladies they are turning out to be, really extremely impressed with them and proud of them. Last night, a completely different man asked me out on a date. And today another totally different man approached my daughters and I when we were out to lunch and engaged us all in a conversation, then he asked me, “How does your boyfriend treat your daughters?”

    I found myself saying, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

    And I really feel at peace with that. I got all wrapped up in yet another quazi relationship and took my focus once again off myself and my children and my goals and my life. And now, I’m so thankful that this man took off to Vegas like he did. I have a chance to re-focus, re-assess my choices, and re-member my true purpose.

    Hey… be careful what intentions you put out there…. they really do come to fruition. : )

  64.  #64Amazed on October 27, 2013 at 12:17 pm

    Andrea, that’s awesome… ๐Ÿ™‚ I used to sit at home waiting for the guy I was seeing at the time to be ready to see me…which never happened. I would feel sorry for myself…so I decided to start attending an obedience class with my dog, spend more time with my kids and circular date myself and men. Worked! ๐Ÿ™‚

  65.  #65Dominique on October 27, 2013 at 1:23 pm

    Lisa – 46 – Using “I love” instead of “I feel” is a wonderful alternative.

    Also pay attention to this – if it seems like you’re using “I feel” too much, see if you’re using this for thoughts as well and not just emotions and feelings/sensations.

    You don’t want to use “I feel” for thoughts. It would have the effect you want, for it will feel incongruous to the listener, and it’s not allowing you to access YOUR true feelings which is what I think they are more importantly for.


  66.  #66Dominique on October 27, 2013 at 1:26 pm

    Amazed – 55 – Awesome. ๐Ÿ™‚


  67.  #67Linda G on October 27, 2013 at 2:01 pm

    Amazed, truly amazing. Trusting and being aware of your feelings brings a sense of calm, no?

    The panic for me was realizing I wasn’t being authentic.
    That I would put myself in a situation I felt uncomfortable with.i was practicing being open, non judgmental, trying to connect heart to heart. But in doing so, I betrayed myself

    Ironically, I went into the vening, k owing he would mke. Move, and wanting to see if I could just melt into it

  68.  #68Linda G on October 27, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    Dominique, you have brought to my attention as well, overusing I feel when it’s really not a feeling. Perhaps this is when it feels unnatural

  69.  #69Linda G on October 27, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    Andrea, I have had a similar epiphany about my kids, and how taking time from them must be for a truly enriching experience

  70.  #70Linda G on October 27, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    April Rose, we have all put our hopes into a wishing well. I guess circular dating gives us distance enough to eventually see this

  71.  #71Lemonbutter on October 27, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    I feel confrontational today. Don’t know if I am projecting my anger outwardly and trying to vent it.

    Feels very boyish, but it also feels good too. I don’t know how to feel about that.

    I always feel worried when I am in boyish energy, because I tend to really like that energy.

  72.  #72Zia on October 27, 2013 at 4:19 pm

    Went to a wedding yesterday, it was so lovely, and the couple is one of those couples where you just KNOW they’ll be together forever. Excited about when it’s my turn ๐Ÿ™‚

  73.  #73Zia on October 27, 2013 at 4:25 pm

    Linda G 36: wow. if it were me in that situation, i’d definitely see it as a sign for me to speak my truth. i can’t believe he actually drove you to his house instead of yours after you have already said you don’t want to go there. that feels SO yucky! it doesn’t matter what he says, it’s his actions that you should pay attention to. i also struggle to speak my feelings and my truth with a man (due to years of always putting men ahead of myself) and am learning to trust my boundaries and speak up when something feels bad…. it’s really really hard.

    “can i speak my truth without ending it?” <– yes you can. you speak your truth and see what he does in response and then decide if that works for you or not. and if he keeps going against what you've said, you probably don't want to continue with him despite what he says…

  74.  #74Lisa on October 27, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    @Zia yes, I’m finding that same truth for me as well and most especially after last night….

    @ Linda wow that is something and yes Zia is correct in my experience… I’ve found that their actions speak louder and give them away..

    I can’t believe it “G” e-mailed me today.. and told me my Eskimo custom was very slut like ( he hasn’t seen it) but that Eskimos women were give away to traveling me… wow… and said he would like to go out with me again, if I say yes..

    and all this was via e-mail…

    Umm NO! and that e-mail about Eskimo costume being slutty is that suppose to make me want to go out with him.. OMG!

    @Indigo… what you said is rolling around in my head… long distance man traveling here to see me… and asking me if I like jacuzzi … seems to be a booty call…

    and I noticed that after saying thanks for offering to get a rental car… he didn’t call tonight like he said..

    I’m so tired of the games.. I really am…

    I’m so tired of the men that don’t say what they mean and don’t do what they say… and the men that can’t step up, aren’t mature ( emotionally) and just don’t have a clue…

    I’m so tired of the drama…. and me not being worth the effort ( in their minds) enough to do what it takes to ” get me and keep me”

    I said to “G” last night when he made comment about someone driving 14 hrs to meet me, I said “I;m worth it” and I meant it.. I am…

    “G2” called today… not sure… yet about that.. calling him back to let him know about a sitter feels like leaning forward… but he did ask me out and he did say to let him know.. and I could have said, and wanted to say, it feels better for you to call me… but I was in the store – I was distracted…

    I hate holidays… and this is the time of year I want to sleep for 2 months.. and wake up after the new year… just saying..


  75.  #75Linda on October 27, 2013 at 6:41 pm

    Hi sirens!

    I was reading thru the blog. This once sentence jumped out at me.

    “I am open to dating and men treating me well”.

    Now that I have backed away from the last relationship that had been feeling so bad. I feel able to take a deep breath and be me.

    My first order of business.. Dating ME! I am treating myself well. Today I realized that I have really missed being able to do as I please without having to explain or answer to anyone. I ate lunch today by myself at my favorite mexican eating establishment and got my nails done. I just enjoyed my company and people watching.

    I spent the rest of the day doing things that were just on my heart to do. It feels alive and it feels like there is a smile in my spirit tonight.

  76.  #76Zara on October 27, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    Andrea 63
    *****I went back through the posts but canโ€™t find who said it, โ€œdiminish the importanceโ€ of that man in your life. And I thoughtโ€ฆ โ€œOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!โ€*****

    Posts number 143 – 144 – 145 – 150 under this article:


  77.  #77Linda G on October 27, 2013 at 7:00 pm

    Wow Zia, thanks!
    I struggle with trying not to be closed off to intimacy, but you are right.
    I have to learn to step back, feel whats going on for me, and speak my truth. I have been upset all day, mad at myself for allowing him to get away ih this behavior

  78.  #78Liquid Light on October 27, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    @Lisa 74 I’m sorry, I feel like I gave you bad advice about what to see re. the car.

  79.  #79Lisa on October 27, 2013 at 8:51 pm

    @Indigo sorry if I messed up the names…

    ooops…. I had a typeo… memory brain fog…

    @ Liquid Light.. it’s ok… I take responsibility for e-mailing him back with “Thanks for offering to rent a car” and I feel like ….. walking on egg shells when I’m communicating with men now that I’m working with Rori’s tools… and it probably feels worse to men b/c I’m all tense now when I’m around them b/c of not knowing how and what to say, other than my usual, which hasn’t proven to be so bad… at least I’ve been told I communicate well with men.. but now that I’m trying so hard to use my feeling messages to communicate, I’m all tense and scared to talk …

    and if it scared him off, with what I said, he is 8 hrs away and I’m not really looking to move, or have a long distance relationship… so… you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man… right?

    I guess if those few words scared him off then he isn’t right for me?

    thanks so much for caring about my feelings…. <3 {{hugs}}} I appreciate that so much!


  80.  #80Andrea on October 27, 2013 at 9:44 pm

    If a man leaves for the weekend and doesn’t contact me at all while he’s away…
    And I am letting him lead…
    What I’m hearing is that he is fine where he is, he’s independent and doing his own thing, he might be thinking about me every once in a while, but he doesn’t miss me. Also, he assumes that I’m fine where I am.
    I haven’t texted him or in any way tried to contact him.
    I feel nonchalant about it and am wondering …. when he gets back into town… do I just wait for him to contact me in his own time?

    Another man… If a man texts me at 2:00 in the morning, obviously he’s been out drinking, but he texts me to ask me out on a date for the very next night.
    I’m letting him lead. What I’m hearing is that he either needed liquid courage to ask me out, or that I was his second or third choice, or that it was a last minute thing for him.
    I feel nonchalant about that too. I texted back that I was working during that time and left it at that. He hasn’t texted me back.

    I think I’m learning to hear what men are saying by their actions, not by their words. Man number one calls me his girlfriend sometimes. He says that we make a dynamic team and that he wants to be with me and sees a future with us. He’s told me that he loves me. But in action…. he lives like a bachelor and makes decisions that are very independent of me and our “team”.

    Man number two treats like a pal. Calls me up last minute to take me out for drinks. When I want to go.. cool… when I don’t.. that’s also cool. So I’m guessing that he sees me like a pal.

    I’m coming to the realization that I attract men to me based on what I believe I’m worthy to have. The more unworthy I feel, the more I chase. The more secure I am in my worthiness of real love, the more content I am to be nonchalant about men and continue to improve upon myself and my life.

    Why does a certain part of me still think/feel that I owe these men something???? An explanation or a reason I’m not feeling the vibe with them, or even a return text?? If a man is turning out to be less than what I want… not compared to any other man, just not making me feel the way I want to feel…. aren’t I allowed to just phase him out of my life? Why does something deep down feel guilty or wrong somehow.
    Yes, I told one man that I love him. But today I woke up and realized that I don’t love a man who could cut me out of a part of his life on a whim. I might love him, but I don’t love ME when I think of myself as being “with” him.

    But I’m also not in the mood for a lengthy explanation or back and forth conversation about “our relationship”. I just really want to ignore him and the other men who aren’t making me feel great!

  81.  #81Emerson on October 27, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    80 Andrea
    I love this!
    Wow I feel inspired reading about your reactions and I can so relate. Thank you.

  82.  #82Emerson on October 27, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    Ah I’m feeling peaceful after reuniting with preppyCD and talking on the phone with recycledcd ….
    Exiticcd is officially a friend (nice) and I still like cutecityCD but I’m not obsessing

  83.  #83Tereana on October 27, 2013 at 11:37 pm

    Lemonbutter – from the last thread: “this man feels awkward. Like he’s resisting and kicking his feet a little bit.”

    I agree! So funny, it made me laugh.

    Or kicking his feet a lot. But he just doesn’t want it. He doesn’t want the same things I want. That’s okay.

    I just had to get really clear on what I want. Then I felt better

    We’re all cool

  84.  #84Tereana on October 27, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    I had a weird thing happen to me tonight. A man contacted me from a thing I did a *long* time ago on a site for “sugar dating” (dating where there’s money involved). He wanted to know if I was looking for an “arrangement” still. I said not really, but then I was curious what he had in mind. He asked what I thought would interest me. Maybe I went the wrong route in my answer, but honestly, I wanted to set the bar high. I wanted to let him know I wasn’t messing around, and also that I wasn’t going to sell myself cheap, as it were. So I named a really high price for what I would want in exchange for my time. And specified that I’d like to meet first, nothing physical. He said it was too much and that he wouldn’t bother me again. Lol

    I guess mission accomplished. I was going to just tell him to bug off. But I was curious. And, given my financial situation, I could use some help. My family is clearly not caring for me right now (I was thinking of moving home, but some of my family members don’t trust me. I wonder how they would feel if I turned to pristituion because they were so heartless as to not help me when they could have, and instead put me out on the street? Anyway, it’s a moot point, because I’m not going to do it).

    After the conversation, I felt kind of weird. Like, was I asking too much? How come whenever i state very clearly what I want, the other party (almost) always turns me down and says it’s “too much”? But it’s not too much. It’s just right, for me. It’s just what I asked for. I wonder if some part of me doesn’t believe it? Or this: I just told myself to keep believing in my “high price,” and eventually I’ll meet the person who can match what I’m asking for. And maybe even add some extra perks on because he wants me so much and doesn’t want me taken by the “competition.” I just have to ask the right way. Not lead with the numbers. That felt “badass” but also kind of masculine.

    Anyway, I joked in my mind later that the only “arrangement” really looking for right now is marriage and children. Which feels much truer. But similar to numbers, I don’t always agree that it’s best to lead with that. Best to let someone get to know you and to want that with you. Then the price won’t seem “too high.” Any price would be just right for him to have what he wants. This is true self worth

  85.  #85Epiphyllum on October 27, 2013 at 11:57 pm

    Andrea – Love reading your posts. Your writing inspires me to read on the Blog. This is the first time I post. I’ve learnt a lot from the way you feel and you are so cool in expressing it to your men!

  86.  #86Tereana on October 27, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    I’m still getting the hang of it…

  87.  #87Zia on October 28, 2013 at 4:32 am

    Alright. I’ve reactivated my matchmaking membership ONE LAST TIME. Since I’m off online dating I figure it’s probably a good time to do it. Lets see what they come up with for round 3!

  88.  #88Tereana on October 28, 2013 at 6:34 am

    Andrea – that last paragraph (#80), I bet that’s why guys “disappear” on us, too! Not that you were going for that. Just, as I read it, I could imagine a man thinking basically the same thing….interesting

  89.  #89Tereana on October 28, 2013 at 6:35 am

    Zia – what is a matchmaking membership?

  90.  #90Tereana on October 28, 2013 at 6:40 am

    Well, ladies, I’m not pregnant. And now I probably have to get tested for stds in another 6 months, even though he told me he doesn’t have anything… Oh bother

    Not sure if all that was worth it. I mean, to not be in a committed relationship. But I guess my body knows. I believe I could have been, for a short while. Or there could have been fertilization but no implantation. I guess, if that’s the case, my body did get the memo – now is not a great time for kids. Too many stressors. Too many things unsettled. No supportive partner… But that means there is time to change all that….

  91.  #91Tereana on October 28, 2013 at 6:50 am

    I do feel a little relieved. Not as sad as I thought I would. It does make my life a lot easier.

    And I have a bigger problem. Which is that, even as my grandparents are aging, and I want to spend time with them and help them out, some of my aunts and uncles don’t trust me anymore. This is distressing, because I always thought that my extended family was on my side and that they could be counted on. But since two of them have come out and said that they don’t trust me, I now feel as if they can’t be trusted. And the one who told me this yesterday, my uncle, I trust him thd least. It just feels bad to have all this mistrust flying around the family.

  92.  #92LoveAlways on October 28, 2013 at 6:54 am

    Hi Sirens & Rori
    had a revelation this weekend.
    my boy energy is taking over lately.
    I can’t shirk my responsibilities so do it I must,
    by my girl is screaming for sometime.
    to sit back and be.
    my boy is dominating!
    and I do things for myself, enjoy the moment, date myself and things of that nature,
    but I want to EXIST in my feminine energy full time.
    I need help.
    all advice welcome.

  93.  #93Linda on October 28, 2013 at 7:25 am

    Andrea – I am learning from the words and attitude that comes through when you post. I sense confidence and authenticity. This is particularly inspirational for me with where I am right now.

    Having just backed away from a relationship that was not feeling good (based on actions)…with a man whom I have very strong feelings and attachment to because he has a vein of toxicity. It has proven to be test to my promise to be my own trusted best friend.

    You posted… ” I woke up and realized that I donโ€™t love a man who could cut me out of a part of his life on a whim. I might love him, but I donโ€™t love ME when I think of myself as being โ€œwithโ€ him. I thought, … I have yeah thats !

    I absolutely loved this.. I understand how important it is to me to feel this way about myself when I am with someone. I wasnt taking the best care of me staying in a relationship like this one. Even though it felt so so good in sooo many ways.

    Keeping this in mind will keep me from getting “lost” and staying authentic…in a relationship, which was happening. Even though I was incorporated in to every part of his life, which always good… it was “HIS” life, routine,obligations etc. It was not one that was evolving into one that was built around mine and his.

    I attracted a really good man this last time. I would still be by his side if he had his anger issues handled.
    It is hard to walk away from a man whom I have no doubt loves me and walk away from the things that were good. He says he wants to change, he does not like the man he sees in the mirror. He sent me a quote…” A woman cant change a man because she loves him.. A man changes himself because he loves her”. Said he was going to see a counselor… I told him that I hoped he found wellness.

    Closing the door on the things I did not want, by not living with or inviting with dysfunction… or closing down on men we feel nonchalant or indifferent about..or as you said “is turning out to be less than what I wantโ€ฆ not compared to any other man, just not making me feel the way I want to feel” โ€ฆ.then we absolutely get to choose to say no thank you.. Absolutely we are allowed to phase him out of our lives.

    I believe by doing that and becoming healthier… we raise the quality of men we attract and will allow into our lives.

    Who knows what that kind of self awareness and love will bring and even inspire. It feels good to ponder that.

  94.  #94Linda G on October 28, 2013 at 8:16 am

    Linda, I love what you and Andrea are saying, how it’s about we feel about we feel about ourselves in his presence.

  95.  #95Dominique on October 28, 2013 at 12:05 pm

    LoveAlways – 91 – Full time feminine energy is impossible and not even desirable. A better balance is. So maybe for now grab your ME time when you can, and savor it, revel in it, love it, imprint the feelings inside you to draw on when you feel overwhelmed.


  96.  #96Starbright on October 28, 2013 at 12:24 pm

    Is anyone else doing Nanowrimo? It stands for National Novel Writing month:

    The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. There is great support, no actual cost although they are always thrilled to get donations.

    Mercedes and Ruth, Are you doing Nanowrimo this November?

    I first heard about it last October when Mercedes mentioned it here on the blog. So, thankful as I wrote one last year and planning to do another this year!


  97.  #97Mercedes on October 28, 2013 at 12:49 pm

    Hey Starbright! ๐Ÿ™‚ I won’t be writing this year. I’m working on the yoga studio every evening and we’re set to open in November so, rather than set myself up for failure, I’m going to honor my limits and focus on what I need to focus on. Hopefully I’ll be back at it next year though!

    Much Love,

  98.  #98Tereana on October 28, 2013 at 12:54 pm

    True story: When I look at myself in the mirror, I am captivated by the person looking back at me. “Wow, I’m beautiful!” I say. Not in a narcissistic way, but in a kind of a shocked, surprised, I-was-expecting-someone-less-attractive, kind of way. But I’m pleased with what I see. I smile, and look into my eyes. I see that sparkle that is me, and, oh my G-d, I can hardly believe that it IS me. My hair is curly, my eyes are shining, and my face is perfect. And not only that, I like what’s under the skin, too. The me that is beneath the visual cues. I love me. And hey, even if no one else does, at least I can look in the mirror today and say, “I really like who I am.”

    And mean it.

  99.  #99Dominique on October 28, 2013 at 1:03 pm

    Tereana – 97 – SO beautiful. ๐Ÿ™‚


  100.  #100Sophie on October 28, 2013 at 1:50 pm

    Yes Tereana ๐Ÿ™‚ That is beautiful

    I understand the shocked – I was expecting someone less attractive feeling – I love that pleasant surprise ๐Ÿ™‚

    Similarly i noticed yesterday – I was in an airport and a man was chatting to his friends and then definitely putting all his attention onto me as I walked past – I had a moment of puzzlement before I remembered ‘oh! I’m an attractive woman!” This reminded me how I’ve been feeling very non-sireny recently – in fact for the most of this year I’ve been hiding – I used to expect that attention from men and it was all in my energy – this year I’ve kind of stopped noticing or bothering – maybe ive been in my head more than enjoying myself, my body and my environments – it is not a good thing nor a bad thing it’s just I’ve been caught up in trying ‘to make’ my life work and so not focused on that rather than boarding the delight train ๐Ÿ™‚

    I like the delight train way more

    i’m looking forward to getting a bit more of my Siren sparkle back but for now it’s not so bad being a little more in the background ๐Ÿ™‚

    Linda G – I would have been absolutely furious! i liked what Zia said

    Lisa – I feel so happy that the man is going to come to you – that is great ๐Ÿ™‚ I love seeing the evidence that most men really will make these efforts

  101.  #101Turquoise on October 28, 2013 at 1:57 pm


    I realize I’ve missed some things. Were you trying to get pregnant outside of a relationship? Did you also post that you are having financial trouble and your family isn’t willing to help you? Wow, that’s a lot going on right now. I’m glad you don’t feel as sad as you thought to not be pregnant. Pregnancy can be really difficult, and not having even basic necessities else feel secure in your life, may be very stressful on a pregnancy. I know my marriage was stressful during my last pregnancy, and I was so worried my baby would internalize all that stress and be a difficult baby. She wasn’t… but just that worry for myself, made me even unhappier. Having babies can be a joy, and I don’t know that it ever feels like perfect timing.

    Please don’t do the sugar dating, I’d worry for your safety. I’m involved with a human trafficking support group, it’s tragic what happens to young women and children who are stolen into that life. Please be safe. A lot of people are taken/sold by people they know and trust. Men who seem wonderful even.

  102.  #102Andrea on October 28, 2013 at 2:00 pm

    Linda # 92
    “I believe by doing that and becoming healthierโ€ฆ we raise the quality of men we attract and will allow into our lives.”

    Yeah! That’s what I was thinking/hoping. I have this idea that if I would just be courageous enough to let go of what isn’t working, I would be able to allow in what will. Like it has more to do with ME and my awareness and my feeling about myself, than it has to do with the “hims”…… And all I have to do is keep working on myself and let the vibration rise.

  103.  #103Liquid Light on October 28, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Yes I think that’s exactly the way it works too!

  104.  #104Zia on October 28, 2013 at 5:02 pm

    89 tereana – i won a membership with a matchmaking company back in april. so far i haven’t been on a single good date and so had put my membership on hold but have decided to get back into it now that i’ve pulled my online dating profiles down.

  105.  #105Zia on October 28, 2013 at 5:06 pm

    I have just started the new course I’m going to be doing over the next few years and I LOVE it!!! So excited, it feels so good to be doing what *I* want and honoring my true path in this life. Aaaah! Part of me feels like I should still be putting all my focus on relationship, but that’s the habit side of me.. there is plenty of time for that down the track, for now I just do what i feel is right and what is best for me, and that doesn’t have to involve anyone else!

  106.  #106Liquid Light on October 28, 2013 at 5:16 pm

    OMG I was just about to make other plans because I thought I was being blown off…I was just about to then literally the phone rang and the guy is on his way! OMG, this is so f’n CRAZY making….jARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

  107.  #107LoveAlways on October 28, 2013 at 6:36 pm

    Dominique – 95
    Thanks, I know, I just miss feeling so much. I’m so busy doing. I guess I feel resentful. I will take your advice <3

  108.  #108Lisa on October 28, 2013 at 7:14 pm

    @ Liquid Light I’ve had that experience too… it’s amazing… watching what happens… when I let go and lean or even begin to lean…

    Well to update…

    “C” called tonight to say ( and I forgot) he was at a concert last night… and wanted to check in with me on the plans to come see me in 3 weeks..

    and I wasn’t able to really get my I Feel out but I did say that I don’t get into jacuzzi’s with just any man, and I have to know him well… he said I hope that is me.. I said we’re working towards it….in a happy light positive voice…and he says yes, we are..

    and then I noticed he was asking if the hotel had a hot tub… so I feel I got my message across..

    Ok so after my awful date on Sat night… I had some major realizations… which I won’t share tonight… but I will soon…

    and in steps “D” today on facebook apparently we have friends in common… and he and I have been facebook friends for a long while… he didn’t know I was single until I posted the other night after my awful date… and he jumped in right away and said WOW… I have to meet her.. and he was very quick to bring up chat and ask me if we could get to know each other..

    wanted to meet me, but wanted to talk first and I’m always insisting they call me before I meet them in person… we talked a long while tonight and he said, he’d been doing his personal growth for 30 years… he is my age well with in 3 years..

    we laughed at how much dysfunction that we’ve had to heal and grow from… it was nice that he “GETS” that… and he said I’m a very happy person …. and he is single..that’s a big deal b/c I find most men I meet are looking for a woman to fix them.. to give them comfort and take care of them b/c they aren’t happy…

    “G2” called and we have a date for Thursday night…

    and I have a date with “D” on Sat…. wow!!

    I felt so vulnerable today… and was able to embrace it… and now look what has happened…

    OH and the wonderful news about “D” is that he understands that the hit in the head chemistry isn’t good!!! YAHOO I’m so excited to find a man that “GETS” that… he isn’t looking for that, neither am I ..

    He listened to me, ask me lots of questions, and seems really interested …so far… and the wonderful thing is… it really doesn’t matter where this is going…. I’m making huge progress in the men I’m attracting … healthy, growing men that get what I get… understand what I understand…

    I’m so excited to be attracting healthier, happier, more growing, adventurous men…

    I’m reading your posts and I’m really getting and loving hearing you say your value is increasing and you are clear on what you want… I guess, I’m unclear about the payment and sugar dating thing….. I haven’t heard of it….
    so glad you love yourself, and take care of you!!! {{{hugs}}}


  109.  #109Luzydel on October 28, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    Just wondering seriously, not in a bitter way; if there is a way I can handle no relationship from now on… I am fed up with the trying and I am so happy when I am all about me and my solitude. If I find a quite soul in my solitude who gets me, I may change my perspective.

    I do not know why coaches do not teach this. To be happy in solitude and connecting in a more universal way. Why does it always have to be about finding that man… Perhaps it should be about finding ourselves, then perhaps we do not need to constantly seek that “relationship” with someone else. What if I find a man while looking to find myself?

    Just like EAT, PRAY, LOVE book/movie… where self discovery helped her find a man once she found herself… Maybe I just need to be “Raw, organic,” whatever it is, so the real me can be noticed.

    I am missing myself while looking for someone else out there. I like intimacy with myself…

    and this doesn’t mean I am not connecting with others, It is just different. It is like I am offering myself to every one, but I am keeping my raw essence. I have been close to that a few times and the “strangest” most interesting men have approached me, but then… the contaminated, processed version of me have ruined it. I need to find the organic version of myself, and once I am close to her I will not run away again.

  110.  #110Linda on October 28, 2013 at 7:36 pm

    I have been thinking about my life over the past few months. Kinda like I have been standing outside looking in. There were two sources of extreme stress. One was from the man I was in relationship with, the other source was my daughters. The decision to end my marriage was not an easy one to make. I guess I was considered the “bad guy” in the situation.

    Over the years things have gotten so much better and thru much work relationship with them has been reconstructed. They both say they want me to be happy but their acceptance of my being happy with a new partner has proven to be challenging and conditional.

    Honestly …I feel tired of conditions and disapproval. I am tired of them being happier with and more supportive of me when I am “alone” than seeing someone. I want to feel the freedom to live my life, go and come, be and do what I want without it affecting my relationship and their openness to relationship with me.

    I do not know how to navigate this. One of my daughters told me that she felt guilty for liking FavoriteCD and it felt like she was betraying her dad. sigh

    I have to release myself from this. I feel trapped.

  111.  #111Linda G on October 28, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    All the way back on comment 36, i shared a trauatic incident I experienced over the weekend. Zia and Andrea nd others were geneous in hir remarks. Here is part of what he emailed me tonight:

    ” My intent the other evening, was to show you where I lived, and how I lived, nothing more. I think you scared me back to South Shore Restaurants for awhile. The restaurant rode map, has been tossed out the window!”

    I sensed that you were moderately upset. Just remember what I said the other evening. ” I don’t know where we are going”, but so far it is such a joy for me to be with you, and I care to much about you, to do anything out of line!

    Ok Pretty Lady, we go on your time table, not mine, and we leave the subject alone!”

    My considered response:

    ” I felt more than moderately upset, I felt disturbed, furious, panicked. I do not want to feel unsafe, having my boundaries purposely crossed and denied, I clearly stated I felt pressured and that I did not want to go to your house. I also felt unsafe driving, there was too much alcohol consumed.
    I need to feel trust in someone I spend time with. ”

    What do you girls think?

  112.  #112Liquid Light on October 28, 2013 at 9:02 pm

    I ended up having a really sweet date with Negotiator. I think I was thrown off when our date didn’t end up happening yesterday and read way too much into it, fairly typical for me. Sigh. I was about to write him off but I’m so glad I didn’t because he is such a sweetheart. He brought me a rose wrapped up all nice and another cute little gift. So sweet! He seemed really nervous at first but then he started to relax and talk about his job. Told me a bunch of really interesting stories. He’s got a lot of responsibility. Impressive!

  113.  #113Linda G on October 28, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    Liquid Light, how sweet!

  114.  #114Liquid Light on October 28, 2013 at 9:08 pm

    LInda G, here’s my take. He seems like he heard you and is concerned about you and your feelings. You expressed yourself clearly. I’d drop it and give him another chance, be open and warm and observe his behavior. Take it from there and then trust and follow your intuition. If he makes you feel uncomfortable again though then next time you should try to express yourself in the moment. Sometimes that’s easier said than done though so baby steps, baby steps…Just my 2 cents. Good luck! ๐Ÿ™‚

  115.  #115Linda G on October 28, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    Oh. I didn’t send my response yet, just wanted to share it before I do

  116.  #116Linda G on October 28, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    Plus I’m really kind of turned off, not that I was ever turned onto him

  117.  #117Liquid Light on October 28, 2013 at 9:26 pm

    Linda G, OH, I see, well if you are turned off then yeah, prob shutting him down is the right way to go. Sounds like the ball is in your court so you can determine which direction it all takes now.

    thanks for 113 btw ๐Ÿ™‚

  118.  #118Indigo on October 28, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    Linda G,

    I actually really liked your script – it felt authentic, and it might make you feel better for saying it.

  119.  #119Indigo on October 28, 2013 at 9:40 pm

    Andrea 63,

    I think that may have been me, when I was writing to April Rose.

    I have realized how much happier it makes me to downgrade the importance of someone who is not really “in it” or giving much to me – there is no resentment, I am still soft and open… they are just on the periphery of my life. My first love is, and always must be, me.

  120.  #120Indigo on October 28, 2013 at 9:45 pm

    Luzydel 109,

    I actually agree with you. Or at least, this is what I have determined to be the best way for me to go. To undertake the journey of finding and falling in love with myself first. As this happens and progresses, I am confident that the right man for me will show up, and that the relationship will progress slowly, healthily and steadily.

    I have realized that at previous points in my growth, I really was not ready to do relationship. And this is no fault or failing on my part… just because of my background and personality, I progress and open at a different rate, and my life is unfolding to me in different ways. I would rather that it be right, and perfect for me, and take longer, than rush into it for the sake of it. I can’t wait for the satisfaction and contentment that I know awaits me.

  121.  #121Indigo on October 28, 2013 at 9:46 pm

    Lisa, YAY!!

    The quality of the men you are attracting seems to be getting better and better, you go you siren you!!

    <3 xx

  122.  #122Liquid Light on October 28, 2013 at 9:47 pm

    Lisa 108 Sounds like fun girl! Enjoy!

  123.  #123Indigo on October 28, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    I think I mentioned to all you ladies that the guy friend who had been spoiling me and paying me so much attention asked me if I’d consider dating him. I feel he meant it more as a relationship, and since my feelings for him do not extend any further than friendship, and at this point I definitely don’t want to get involved with someone, I said no. Aaaaahh.

    I had coffee and takeaway dinner with D on Sunday night. He paid. Spur of the moment thing. We were able to talk as friends. I liked it. It felt soft, and healing.

  124.  #124Veronica on October 28, 2013 at 10:10 pm

    Millie โ€“ 10 โ€“ It is exciting to see their different ways of being masculine. Iโ€™m not really attracted to any of these men either, and I think for me thatโ€™s good. Otherwise Iโ€™d be so distracted. And lately Iโ€™ve just not felt up to talking to them anymore, but I carry on, it is the kind of therapy I need. I hope your car is fixed soon with or without the โ€œplayerโ€™sโ€ help.

    Weโ€™ve had much needed rains recently and that has cooled down the mornings and evenings. It is cool that weโ€™re sharing similar kinds of weather, although weโ€™re living in different hemispheres.
    I feel glad hearing that you enjoy some of what I wrote : )

  125.  #125Veronica on October 28, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    Last night I was sitting with my pain, I felt especially struck by it – noticing that my growing anger and irritation was signalling that that pain was still there and needing to be felt. I also had a small moment when I realized that BM and what he did/didn’t do are just the right excuses I need to carry on healing. This morning I woke up noticing that I don’t really want to have a relationship with him, not the way it had been, my body cringes a bit at having to consider myself in a relationship with him. It feels like a whole bunch of uncaring to be there with him.

    Fireguy’s internet connection was damaged by storm weather and he got mobile internet – I like the focus that he has on keeping in touch. He openly says that he misses our conversations so much. I find myself not knowing what to say or do because this is so rare for a man to be saying this to me. I so need to be around this kind of energy.

  126.  #126Millie on October 28, 2013 at 10:45 pm

    Andrea—brilliant! What rings most for me in your recent post is the amount of observation and lack of action. As Rori always says- “do nothing” that leaves so much room for observing and really taking in what and who is in front of you. It also lends itself well to “choosing.” Women are choosing, but we can’t choose if we can’t see our choices for what they are. I am loving the concept also of letting a man show you who he is…

    Veronica–Thank you! Yes it feels good to connect even though we are so far apart. ๐Ÿ™‚ I saw “the player,” although I don’t want to call him that, I’ll call him “the mechanic” because that’s what he is, player is speculation from others. I saw him twice this weekend at parties. We flirted a lot, I can feel the attraction between us, but I it also feels like a pattern for me…
    I want to break the pattern by really doing things differently, not choosing to act in the same way I have before.

    I’m wondering something though—maybe you ladies have some light to share on this. Would it be true/fair to say that most, if not all men, who show interest and ask you out, want to sleep with you? Whether he asks you to a fancy dinner or something really casual…does a man show interest in a woman he would not want to sleep with? Here’s where I am going with this…most men are very sexually up front with me and I’m sure my vibe has a lot to do with that, but I want to be able to turn that sexual desire into more….into a love desire. I know that’s what using feeling messages are for…I still feel like I have trouble using them. Does it always start out as a man feeling sexual desire? I love this energy, I don’t want it to go away, I just don’t want to go down the FWB path….

  127.  #127Emerson on October 28, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    Wow luzydel!!
    I love this…thank you for the inspiration !!

  128.  #128Syreena on October 29, 2013 at 1:27 am

    Wanted to share aome aha moments I have just had about myself.

    I am getting to be more of an observer of myself.
    Where at one time when I was paying so little attention to myself and not honouring my feelings or being there for me. Ignoring, dismissing making my feelings unimportant, questioning their validity and reality. I was taken in by mens superficial and surface level attention and compliments about my looks to make me feel good and of any worth.
    Without this attention I felt like I was invisible and didn’t matter.
    I felt so very insecure about my looks after a certain age due to all the comments made by various family members.
    I now realise that this is untrue that I do matter and my looks are not what make me matter and worth time attention and love. I am worth that regardless of my looks
    And realise why.
    I realise it is to do with our society, culture and most of all my Father.
    How we are bombarded everyday with images and words of women judged on their appearance.
    And how women are treated as objects to be disregarded or of lower value if they don’t look great.

    The memories of what I listened to daily of my family and how those words shaped and effected my worth of
    My Father teasing me and calling me names and how that made me feel ugly and inferior.
    My mother when I said I felt anxious and insecure about not looking and seld concious, telling me not to be stupid and who was going to be looking at me anyway.
    I always hated having my photo taken and now understand why as afterwards they would make bad comments about them.
    Listening to my Father comment daily about other women on the TV and always bringing to my attention whatever part of their anatomy he considered ugly.
    Not seeing the whole person.
    Wanting to switch tv programes and films over if he considered there were no pretty women in the programe so not worth watching.
    This felt confusing to me, as I was into the films and what was happening the story.
    But he could not pay attention and get into the story.
    He used to say he didn’t understand the plot and what was going on. Ask my mum or me to explain the plot.
    He would tune out and go to sleep.
    He understood facts on the news.But not Dramas or films.
    Listening to my Mother commenting on others appearances.
    I also never felt heard or understood or like I mattered.

    Since coming across Rori and doing the tools and work, reconnecting and listening and trusting my feelings and realising they are important and do matter. I feel repelled by men who only see and judge me and others on mine and their outer appearance.
    Wanting to move away from them.
    Not craving or wanting that superficial fickle attention any more.
    The attention that feels good now is completly the opposite.
    The attention that feels good is the opposite to what I got and didn’t get as a child.
    I had no attention paid to my emotional needs.
    Now I have learned to pay atention to them, what feels great is a man who also pays attention to them.
    That’s the kind of man that now feels good to be around.
    I am now rarely or feel chemistry to the familiar which was abusive, neglectful and toxic. When I am it is for just a fleeting moment.

    What a turn around.
    And I feel grateful to Rori for giving me the tools to get there.
    No pretending. Actually to be in that place and able to observe myself

    Thank you Rori.


  129.  #129Sophie on October 29, 2013 at 3:18 am

    Wow Syreena! That feels great to read ๐Ÿ™‚ How wonderful you’ve experienced those changes and revelations – yayyyyy! ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

  130.  #130Zia on October 29, 2013 at 5:38 am

    I’m working on not being a “yes girl” with guys just because I don’t want them to feel bad….. I decided I didn’t want to add guys who I’m just dating on fb… because I don’t really want them commenting on things or seeing me post about dating and that sort of stuff, and I also would rather leave a little bit of mystery and get to know them the “old fashioned” way first and then if we become bf/gf I’d add them then… this guy I’ve gone on a couple of dates with added me about a week ago and I left it then he mentioned today that I hadn’t added him and I said yeah i think its more fun to get to know people the old fashioned way.

    I know it’s a small thing, but it feels good to say no to things that i don’t want and yes to things that i do. i’ve always been terrible at saying no (which led me to some situations i didn’t want to be in), because i didn’t want the guy to feel bad. if he disappears because of it i’m ok with that, it feels good to practice expressing what i don’t want!

  131.  #131Zia on October 29, 2013 at 6:03 am

    Thinking more on the way I responded I probably could have used a feeling message or a compliment sandwich…. but hey, I’ve only just started saying “no” so it’s early days…. I’m sure there will be plenty of opportunities to practise. Funny how now the auto pilot is kicking in and I’m starting to worry about what he might think or if I hurt his feelings.

  132.  #132Zia on October 29, 2013 at 6:05 am

    Although I was playful in my response…. Goodness me we women really are our own worst enemies aren’t we!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  133.  #133Veronica on October 29, 2013 at 7:15 am

    Millie – 126 – : )

    I read and re-read what you said about being flirty and attracted to “mechanic” and how you thought that was a pattern. I can’t figure out what the pattern is – that you flirt with guys you like, or are drawn in by the attraction, or that if that kind of attraction is there it tends to go in a very particular direction that you’re tired with?

  134.  #134Veronica on October 29, 2013 at 7:32 am

    One of the dating site men mentioned that he was interested in someone he met a week ago – so I’ve been friend-zoned. Hello friend-zone : P Part of me felt like I wasted my time (old pattern of expectation), the other part of me felt relieved since there was probably nothing romantic that was going to happen. I’m also wondering why he was so consistent in keeping contact with me (almost everyday)? And I also feel excited because now I can practice on noticing how I feel the difference between guys who are friendly and guys who are looking for something more romantic – that’ll help me relax more.

    I used feeling messages with Drive-man and he responded so well. I’m going to practice more expression of what I’d like for our meeting – just as desire, as in I would really like to have a good conversation and have a laid back morning meeting, getting to know each other. Gosh that feels so sweet just saying it : ) I feel lighter and somewhat whimsical (playful dreaminess) saying it : )

  135.  #135Dominique on October 29, 2013 at 7:34 am

    Luzydel – 109 – Some coaches do teach this, me for example and Rori too, but it tends to get lost in the overwhelming requests for what to do about the man, how to find him, keep him, and so on.

    I often talk about filling your life up with your passions, creating sensuality in your life through regular self care rituals, meditations. And about bringing things back to you which is where it all begins and ends.

    And if someone shows up to share all of this with you, fabulous. If this is what you want.

    If not, you still have the pleasure of your own intimacy.

    I love your revelations here about YOU. I say YAY to raw and organic!!!


  136.  #136Linda G on October 29, 2013 at 7:34 am

    Zia et al, about saying no,
    I do the same thing, say yes to things, I may not really want or agree about. The confusion I am having, is in trying to lean back and let the man lead, I am going along with things I really feel “no” about
    It’s a struggle I have, being authentic, feeling my feelings, setting boundaries

    My friend told me I send mixed messages

  137.  #137Linda G on October 29, 2013 at 7:36 am

    What a tremendous breakthrough, Syreena! You are truly discovering your own self!

  138.  #138Dominique on October 29, 2013 at 7:40 am

    Linda G – 111 – He already knows how you felt/feel. I don’t really think you need to reiterate it. He seems to be sorry for having done what he did.

    Do you have any bad feelings about him? Were there any other red flags?

    If not and you you want to give him another chance, you could simply say thank you for understanding.


  139.  #139Linda G on October 29, 2013 at 7:51 am

    Dominique, are you suggesting that I not give the speech I wrote out above?
    It just seems every time I see him, the conversation turns increasingly to my going to his place, his telling me how much he cares for me, my saying I feel pressured
    He is relentless, but says it cajolingly

    In the past, when I speak of things I care about passionately, in politics, social issues, art, he is dismissive or says, well we won’t talk about that stuff again

    I know having things in common does not make a romantic relationship, but the things I love best he has no interest in exploring with me.

    Bottom line, I tried to be open but I am just not attracted

  140.  #140Dominique on October 29, 2013 at 7:51 am

    Millie – 126 – Yes likely there is almost if not always a sexual attraction, yet most men are sexually attracted to most women. A good man will feel attracted to something else within you. He will feel a connection which goes beyond the sexual, and he will want to explore this with you.

    Being clear on what you are looking for will for the most part weed out those men only looking for FWB.


  141.  #141Dominique on October 29, 2013 at 8:02 am

    Linda G – I think you answered your own question. – Bottom line, I am not attracted.

    You gave him plenty of opportunity, and he’s not honoring your repeated requests. Why send a speech to someone who is not listening apparently? Why continue contact at all?


  142.  #142Linda G on October 29, 2013 at 8:38 am

    Dominique, as I have been dating him for several months, once a week, I feel it will fuel my anger to ignore him, keeping me wondering what his next step will be

    Perhaps just a response, I feel unsure if I want to go forward,

  143.  #143Linda G on October 29, 2013 at 8:38 am

    I really need help, getting in touch with and recognizing my true feelings and being able to express them clearly

  144.  #144Dominique on October 29, 2013 at 8:47 am

    Linda G – How about sinking into this for awhile. You don’t have to decide right now. Tonight when you go to bed, sink into these feelings, as you fall asleep. Maybe an answer will come to you by morning.


  145.  #145Linda G on October 29, 2013 at 11:26 am

    Thanks Dominique

  146.  #146Femininewoman on October 29, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    RE 135 – Dominique that is my experience about what you and Rori teach. I see it over and over again in the posts and comments.

  147.  #147Millie on October 29, 2013 at 1:04 pm


    my pattern….consists of being attracted to older men for one. This man is 13yrs older than me. Also men that are “charming” or good at flirting. Men that have a passion…also looks edgy. Also I would say men that are emotion unavailable which triggers my “chase.” Mechanic seems to fall into a “type” that I like…but he is dating someone, so the emotionally unavailable part applies to me not necessarily to how he is as a man. I don’t know…right now it’s friends that flirt. I’m cool with that.

  148.  #148Turquoise on October 29, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    I agree Dominique, I have read repeatedly in articles from you and Rori, about loving ourselves, finding ourselves.. and how often relationships find you when you aren’t even looking. One of the main things I have learned here is to do what I want. What feels good to me. If I need time to myself, I take it. I have taken long breaks from dating because it just didn’t feel good at the time.

    Luzydel, maybe it’s about balance…. how often you want to be available to someone else, and how much time you need alone. One thing I did, was cut wayyyy back on the online back and forth conversations… if someone wants to meet me, he’s going to ask me out fairly quickly. I’m not interested in the endless emails which make me feel like they are lying about their status, age, pictures, etc. I don’t want a penpal. That has freed up a lot of time and energy.

  149.  #149Lemonbutter on October 29, 2013 at 5:18 pm

    (((Tereana))) I feel uplifted and warm from your posts. ๐Ÿ™‚ So glad to hear you are feeling positive and beautiful.

    At the moment I want to feel forgiving. I feel hopeful that I can forgive the past, heal it in my heart and move on.

  150.  #150Linda G on October 29, 2013 at 5:30 pm

    Lemonbutter, on forgiveness, I read this today:

    forgiveness is important to clearing our path to love. If we are holding on to resentment towards someone, the held emotion has no effect on the other person. Instead, the feeling affects those holding on and whomever they come in contact with. When we closely examine resentment, we often find it is ourselves that need forgiving for getting into the situation that caused the pain. Learn to forgive, day by day, knowing that whatever happened yesterday does not have to affect our lives today.

    , “The unforgiving mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can spread its wings in peace and above the turmoil of the world.”ย Practice daily forgiveness. Here is where happiness lies, and a brighter future begins.

    I found this very powerful for me

  151.  #151Lisa on October 29, 2013 at 5:58 pm

    @Indigo and @Liquid Light Thanks!! <3 I feel so loved and heard…

    I'm feeling today was a good test for me as a woman that has the most hectic of days often…

    borax all over the kitchen floor this morning when I woke up.. my youngest decided to do a science experiement before I got up this morning… and a tantrum, homeschooling, dealing with my website being messed up at the same time I'm trying to get breakfast and start school, my e-mail being messup up for days, and a printer that doesn't work right at the same time I'm homeschooling still – sending off docs for the home re-fi… getting lunch done washing my hair getting dressed and out the door at 1p, lost car keys oops, ok! now found them, out the door- then a car wreck with a police officer going over a bridge had traffic backed up took an hour to get my child to her playdate and back. Come home to get work done.. I think shew! I can get work done now… Nope the cat vomited on the sofa and the floor and there is a dead chipmunk on my floor the cat brought in to show me what she did… all that by 2p…

    and what I'm getting at is, I had nothing to do with any of these situations… but they happened.. and I'm working on being – just being even though it is that crazy.. my life…
    But the thing is, I can breathe and be …. and allow and still be vulnerable while dealing with all this crap that landed on me today…

    If I remember to breathe deeply… keep my chest open…

    @ Indigo glad you and "D" were able to have time together… nice…


  152.  #152Indigo on October 29, 2013 at 9:37 pm


    Those days are sooo challenging! Especially when you are trying to be a siren and a goddess, and all serene and having yourself together…

    When I’m having a day like that, I don’t like the way I feel all irritable and on the verge of anger, because it’s not how I want to be, it’s not how I see myself… Yet I just try to go with it, knowing it will be over soon, and I try to take moments wherever I can to calm my thoughts and practice little acts of self-love, like making tea or having a little chat with a friend.

    Ugh, I hear you though. Work is challenging and hectic for me at the moment, and I know I need to move on and do something about it for me, and I’m just trying to sift through the chaos until the right solution presents itself.

    It was lovely getting together with D. There was some reservation and hesitation, but I felt that he cared for me, and that was pretty healing.

  153.  #153Tereana on October 29, 2013 at 11:36 pm

    Zia – that is pretty cool about the matchmaking service. I’ve never heard of such a thing! Only matchmakers themselves…

    Last Friday, I was at dinner and sat next to a woman who is sort of like an unofficial but very professional-like matchmaker. She doesn’t do it for money, she just does it because she loves it. And she asked me what I was looking for (marriage and kids, of course). And she started telling me about this gorgeous person she was thinking of for me, who was bright, educated, and she wants marriage and family. Yes, “she.” I was surprised, but flattered. It was kind of cool. I totally thought she was talking about a guy! Anyway, I’m not going to go on a date with her. It doesn’t make sense because I’m moving. But maybe I should think more about this matchmaking thing. It can be disappointing, but maybe also helpful when someone else does part of the work for you! Lol

  154.  #154Tereana on October 29, 2013 at 11:45 pm

    Turquoise – Yes, I’ve posted a lot lately! It’s been quite a time. And no, I was not *trying* to get pregnant outside of marriage. Just the opposite. But something happened where it was possible I could have become pregnant. And I was stressed about it, because I knew the man I was with was definitely not interested in having kids. I thought he would be mad when he found out. And he kind of was. But he was also ready to step up and help out.

    It was a very stressful time, though. Because in the middle of that (before he knew), he was telling me he didn’t think he waged to see me anymore.

    Well, we’re all cool now. I got really clear on the fact that I need to have a committed relationship, no matter what, and I don’t want to settle for anything less “in the meantime.” He wished me well and said I “deserve it : ) ” And I’m not pregnant, which makes everything easier. He says he might have been “shooting blanks.” I wonder if the baseline stress level in my body and my life made it hard for it to happen. Either way, I’m not. Which is good, because it means I get to wait and do it right! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I would have been happy enough if I was, though. And even if it was stressful, I would have gladly taken it on. And I wouldn’t have given it up for anything… Xo

  155.  #155Tereana on October 29, 2013 at 11:54 pm

    Speaking of the guy, I saw him last night. I’ve decided, last minute, to move. He is also a massage therapist, so I offered for him to buy my table. He wanted to try it out first, which meant also he gave me a partial massage. And he is very good at it, too. So that was great for me ; )

    Afterward, he kissed me. He said I looked so cute, he just had to. And I let him.

    The conversation we had was so easy and so nice. It felt comfortable again. And it makes me think – “this is how I want to feel in a relationship. Like I’m not in a relationship.”

    I wish there didn’t have to be so much pressure. I wish that life goals didn’t have to be at odds when two people clearly just like being together, experiencing each other, and spending time.

    But the great thing is, it’s easy to just let it be.

    He’s traveling this week. He wants to see me before I move. And regardless, I feel clear and that I’m making all the right decisions for me. And I have the chance to help my family also. This feels good : ) easy. That’s how I want it to feel… ๐Ÿ™‚

  156.  #156Veronica on October 30, 2013 at 8:28 am

    Millie – 147 – Wow, I was kind of way off the mark, thank you for clarifying that for me. It’s a little scary how my mind can fill in the blanks.

  157.  #157Linda G on October 30, 2013 at 10:53 am

    Dominique, re 144
    Thank you for your feedback. After getting a second email from him, assuring me he cared about me, I slept on it.
    I just sent an email, this doesn’t feel like love to me, I don’t feel good and I am not available

    Two minutes later and I am second guessing my decision. Could he be the one for me, devoted with emotional muscle?
    Or am I just afraid there will be no one else?

  158.  #158Indigo on October 30, 2013 at 10:56 am

    Linda G,

    If he is the one for you, I suspect expressing your true feelings will not drive him away. You were authentic, so do not regret that.

    See what he does. Remember, it’s not all up to you.


  159.  #159Linda G on October 30, 2013 at 11:14 am

    Indigo…thank you

  160.  #160Dominique on October 30, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Linda G – Likely it’s your fears talking. I agree with Indigo, yet from all you’ve said here about him, he does not seem like the man who can give you the relationship you want. He may have some wonderful qualities, yet he also has some scary ones. The question to ask is if nothing ever changed around his behaviors, would you still want him.


  161.  #161Linda G on October 30, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Probably not

  162.  #162Linda G on October 30, 2013 at 6:32 pm

    Dominique & Indigo, here is the latest response to my email to him:

    “Needless to say, I am very upset. It sure felt to me that our feelings for one another were growing in that direction. What happened in one week? Would you like to meet and talk about it, before we walk away from each other?”

    This is a testament to Rori’s way of leaning back and being open
    And, that he is clueless

  163.  #163Tereana on October 30, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    So today, I contacted an old CD to tell him I was moving. (This was the guy I had a dream about over the summer and he never responded.) well, he wrote back and said that he wasn’t seeing anyone (as I thought), but he just didn’t write back. He didn’t know why. He thought about it, he just didn’t.

    And then I was proud of myself. He said did I wang to get together before I left, and I said no thank you. Not in a bad way, I just figured, after all this time… I said he could visit me in my new city : ) he says he thinks I’m awesome ๐Ÿ™‚ I said I think he at least semi-awesome (his words ; ). And I’m proud of myself, because I didn’t agree to do anything I didn’t wang to do.

    And some other nice things are falling into place.

    I know I’ve made the right decision. It is all going to be okay. I can feel it :-)!

  164.  #164Tereana on October 30, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    Haha. *want* to get together. Lol!!!

  165.  #165Zara on November 3, 2013 at 7:23 am

    3 Lemonbutter

    I felt the same.

    Here is the link:
    Listen In to Fori Raye & Allana Pratt at 4pm PST/ 7pm EST:


  166.  #166Zara on November 3, 2013 at 7:33 am

    This was copy-pasted from Allanaโ€™s site, so the mispelling is not mine. Lol


  167.  #167Zara on November 3, 2013 at 8:13 am

    This is the link to the free audio of Rori’s interview: