Can You Make Him Love You If He Says He Doesn’t?

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bad boyHere’s a letter from Nancy who’s convinced she can make a relationship “happen” – and is going about it in a way that’s defeating her:

“Rori, He contacted me to make plans for Friday before I had to ask him about it, but I’m wondering what to do as a next step. We had a fantastic, lovely evening out on Friday – dinner, a party, dancing, then a walk.

So then we were kissing (which was all we were going to do given the way things are right now between us), and he said we shouldn’t be kissing as we have a friendship not relationship at the moment! That while he’s in his divorce transition, he doesn’t want to commit to a relationship etc.

I reminded him of all the times recently when he has told me about his feelings for me. And he said yes, but his feelings come and go at the moment. So I said I felt we were in a relationship, just not committed yet, and we could continue to enjoy it and see how it develops.

Then the next day he didn’t contact me. Not even to find out how I am. I texted him in the evening and he didn’t respond.

So now I’m feeling hurt, confused, unsure what to do next. None of the other guys I’ve dated comes remotely close, and I really want this to work. But it feels painful and confusing.

Would really appreciate your feedback.

Love, Nancy”

My Answer:

Nancy – you’re going to hate my answer. Please don’t read it if you’re not in a tough love mood.

He said you were friends. ONLY. For now, perhaps – but for now JUST FRIENDS. He doesn’t even want to endanger that “friend zone” by kissing you.

***And you’re choosing not to believe him.***

You’re trying to talk him into the feeling you think he has. He said they “come and go.” Which means he does NOT have abiding, consistent feelings for you “at the moment.”

***And now you’re feeling hurt.***

This is YOUR mind. He has done nothing wrong, been totally straight with you, and you’re turning your own feelings into something that is not, at the moment existing.

If you believe that throwing yourself at a man who wants to be only your friend right now (no matter how romantic YOU think it is), and trying to convince him to feel something and want he doesn’t (there’s a song about that by Bonnie Raitt), is going to get you closer to him, I’m DEFINITELY not the coach for you.

For me, throwing yourself at a man and trying to convince him you’re willing to “have fun with him” and be “just friends” when you’re CLEARLY NOT, and telling him you’re in a relationship with him when he has actually said, in exact words, that you are NOT in a relationship (no matter what YOU think) makes you “cheap,” easy, unfortunate, unattractive, needy, desperate, and radiating low self-worth.

***Hardly what a man is looking for in a women.***

Is this you?

I think not.

What would you say to a client who insisted on doing this?

Yes, the play “Passion” and the movie it’s based on is about how throwing yourself utterly at a man binds him to you – and yet, in that movie and play – the woman is powerful in every way. She basically, literally holds this man’s life in her hands politically, financially, every way.

Some women out there have that option today, to “force” a man to be with them because of their celebrity or money…but you and I don’t. We have to rely on attraction, on the fact that the relationship is “right” and “meant to be” – and most importantly, that the MAN WANTS IT.

The very first step in making a man want to fall for you is not selling yourself to him cheap – and that’s what you’re doing. Every time you even THINK of him – you’re doing it, and damaging whatever future you could ever have with this man (and it’s going to take long time, until his divorce is final, and then he needs to go sow some wild oats for awhile, and then he might revisit women he’s known, including you.

Again – is that what you want?

The important thing, here, as I see it, is the example this sets for YOU. If you continue to approach men in this way, to have this attitude that somehow you can “make it happen” in this way, you essentially block yourself from men who WANT to make it happen!

If this man is right for you, he’ll show up one day. HE’LL make that decision. And he’s made a completely different decision, as I see it.

It’s up to you if you want to break off contact with him, or Circular Date him along with other men. But if you’re hung up on him and can’t really give the world of other men a chance, then I think your choice is clear.

I think you’re way, way too amazing to want this low level of love – where it’s all coming from you.

I think you’re way, way too smart to believe that somehow this man is LYING to you about his feelings.

I’m not saying he’s not attracted to you.

I’m not saying he doesn’t have “feelings for you.”

Have you ever been really physically attracted to a man you didn’t have deep emotional feelings for? Who you loved, perhaps, as a friend, and had a great time with, and could have sex with if you wanted? Is it possible that’s what’s going on with this man now, and you’re making up the rest?

And let’s say it’s just his current circumstance. That because of his divorce situation he can’t think straight, he doesn’t want to be committed to anything else right now (this makes good, common sense)?

Do you believe that “hanging in there” is going to make a difference for the better? It can’t.

I never, ever, would encourage any woman to “keep up a friendship” with a man she’s in love with.

That’s a recipe for a world of hurt.

Love, Rori

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646 Comments

  1.  #1Olympia on September 15, 2012 at 7:26 am

    ugh, this is so me!

    I feel determined to be better at leaning back!!



  2.  #2Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 7:55 am

    hhhm



  3.  #3Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 7:57 am

    He said you were friends. ONLY. For now, perhaps – but for now JUST FRIENDS.



  4.  #4Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 7:58 am

    For me, throwing yourself at a man and trying to convince him you’re willing to “have fun with him” and be “just friends” when you’re CLEARLY NOT, and telling him you’re in a relationship with him when he has actually said, in exact words, that you are NOT in a relationship (no matter what YOU think) makes you “cheap,” easy, unfortunate, unattractive, needy, desperate, and radiating low self-worth.



  5.  #5Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 8:00 am

    I never, ever, would encourage any woman to “keep up a friendship” with a man she’s in love with.

    Rori, profound profound profound insights.



  6.  #6coco kisses on September 15, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Keeping up a friendship with a man, when you really want a loving passion filled relationship fills bad, and very difficult….



  7.  #7Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Hey coco kisses



  8.  #8Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Sassy remember your comment.

    “I think you’re way, way too smart to believe that somehow this man is LYING to you about his feelings”



  9.  #9coco kisses on September 15, 2012 at 8:25 am

    My husband and I have been communicating more, and that feels good, however he has told me that though he feels really good about the positive changes I’ve made in my life, and is super proud of me opening my salon, and he does want to come back, he feels concerned, because he still doesn’t feel passionately/sexual charged towards me. Before him saying this would put me in an emotional frenzy, trying to be what I thought he wanted, and doing things to PROVE, I was the one he needed. Now I’m so on fire for myself, it didn’t phase me. I’m Coco, PERIOD. I am sexy, loving, smart, etcetra, ecetra…I don’t know why I’m not triggering sexual feelings in him, but I can’t get depressed about it…..if anyone has any advice feel free….I am not holding my breathing for any particular outcome….I know that no matter what, I will have a passionate sex filled relationship with a great man



  10.  #10Luzydel on September 15, 2012 at 8:26 am

    LOL

    Right now I am between that woman and a stronger one… We all fall into that trap because we fear being alone, and we think this is our only chance…

    But truth is that nothing is better than that. Nothing feels hopeful, while the crumbs a man gives me feel painful and desperate. Nothing is a space for something new and better. I rather have nothing, than to settle for cheap crumbs…



  11.  #11coco kisses on September 15, 2012 at 8:31 am

    @Feminine Woman…Hey….I finally got a breather, so decided to drop in and comment/give an update 🙂 How’s everything with going with you?



  12.  #12Belle on September 15, 2012 at 8:38 am

    I feel weird reading this.
    I should listen to myself.
    *I’m* the one who has been saying “This isn’t a relationship”.

    I feel like the only way be done a guy like C off of me is to let myself work up a good mad, pull the b*tch card and tell him to eff off.
    I wonder if I have been seeing him as more sensitive than he is. I haven’t wanted to hurt him, I didn’t want to be like the other “psycho” stalker women who have flipped out on him, and like I’ve been in the past but maybe it’s just what is needed here.

    I noticed that it seem so important not to feel like I’m abandoning or betraying him…ugh, like somewhere in my mind I see him like a little child with a fragile heart who is going to be broken if I get really p!ssed with him.

    I’ve been following all of these feelings, but the feelings are just feelings, and this most recent time we were affectionate it just really wasn’t that great, I felt like I was going through the motions and enjoying it only to a certain degree but really how COULD I let myself go and be totally into him when there’s nothing real there? If we don’t talk and communicate and are building our lives together, then really when we meet up we could ONLY be engaging in our fantasies. Which isn’t bad or wrong, but it is certainly losing it’s luster.

    I’ll take a cue from LiliBee and make a list of all of the qualities I enjoyed about past relationships, AND jobs, AND friendships, and then put it all on the back burner and face what’s in front of me now and do the best I can with my job and also make a point to really love what I love about my job and let LOA do what it does.

    I feel open to any sirens who have any feedback on overcoming the attraction to the charming bad boy 🙂
    Rori has said, attraction to these types are a subconscious way of using me to hurt ourselves, and I’m wondering where I need to forgive myself?

    I feel like I abandoned my son in so many ways when he was a child (oh…the tears are rising, must be on the right path there..)
    I was so young, and left him with a sitter for the first time when he was 3 days old because I was in high school, with no support, his father was a mess and wouldn’t work and staying in school was the only way I could see to having a better future.
    I remember
    oh
    that’s it
    I just wailed and sobbed and tears are falling now.
    sobbing
    I remember I shut down my heart that day when I left him with my friend, literally choking down and swallowing the grief and the pain. It was too much. I had to do what I had to do. I was only 16, and as far as I could tell I had nowhere to turn. Most of the teachers wanted to shame me
    and more sobbing
    hand on my heart, feels so good
    the rage and the sorrow
    I AM JUST A KID DO YOU THINK I’D CHOOSE THIS FOR MYSELF IF I KNEW ANY BETTER???
    I needed HELP, compassion, a friggin hand up, not this f*cking “tsk tsk isn’t that a shame”-ing
    sorrow
    the pain
    my father beating me and snarling and sneering at me telling me I wasn’t good for anything but f*cking (as if that was so horrible!!) but not even good enough for that because I was so disgusting and ugly.
    “if you ever want to find your mother we’ll go to ___ city and go looking at all of the street corners, you sl*t.”
    I was 10.
    It’s sort of laughable now, because what hurt so much was that I believed him. If he pulled that with me now, I’d just think, “You, are messed up, dude.”
    I just wanted some damned HELP out of the insanity.
    I forgive myself
    I forgive myself for believing him
    I forgive myself letting him hurt me because I loved him so much
    I forgive myself for putting myself in a position of having to leave my children
    I forgive myself for running on pure instinct
    I forgive myself for not knowing any better
    I forgive myself for sometimes even maybe knowing better but doing the painful thing anyway for any reason
    I love love love love my young mama self
    I love love love my younger, weak self
    Sink into these feelings…
    A sharp ribbon of pain radiating up my neck (lean back)
    Sensations in my forehad, throat, upper chest
    It feels like too much, too much, too much (more tears and sobbing)
    too much to loeave someone I love
    My heart feels too tneder, too sensitive, can’t take it
    I want to rage and wail and scream about this f*cking stupid society and f*cked up culture where women are shamed for their sexuality when we need support and education, were mommies have to leave their babies just to find a way to survive (and really, I don’t know if that’s true but it sure seemed that way at the time, it was all I could see and nobody was stepping up offering me any other solutions…just…tsk tsk, what a shame and oh, you’re falling asleep in your advanced honors algebra class you should have thought of that before you had a baby WTF yes F*ck you Mr. S and your dismissive bs attitude I feel like I just want to kick and bite and hurt and MAKE people see all of this PAIN
    I want my tribe
    I want my mom, my REAL mom
    I want to be a little kid, playing in the dirt and the trees and connected to my Mama Earth and let babies be what I know they can be when they don’t have to “earn” a living making dollars on planet that gives us EVERYTHING FOR FREEE
    There is a prayer wailing from the depths of my soul that this is SICK and sick sick sick to be so disconnected from our planet that we live, every cell in our bodies comes from her, every breath that we breathe comes from her and I feel my heart pull to the ground
    my my soul cries
    How can I serve? How can I make this better? What can I do?
    (Just love just love just love just love)
    ((((Belle))))



  13.  #13T-Girl on September 15, 2012 at 8:44 am

    Wow, great article regarding a topic that has recently been discussed here. I can see where it is hard though.



  14.  #14Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 8:49 am

    “and then he needs to go sow some wild oats for awhile”

    eewwww shaking myself. It feels creepy crawly repulsive thinking I could be soil for those wild oats. eewww ewwww eeewwwwww



  15.  #15Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 8:50 am

    I feel sexual, sensual, successful and satisfied cocokisses. It always feels so good to see your name pop up. You have been an inspiration.



  16.  #16ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 8:50 am

    I can relate to this article. I’ve been there, done that. I did this with ShyGuy, however, I moved on when I decided it was time and we are still friends. There is a different feel between us nowadays and that is good. I wanted to be in love with him, but you can’t be in love with someone when the situation isn’t complete, so it was a crush and it ended. I do think he still has feelings for me, but for the first time I also get the feeling he is happy for me and glad I am with Mr. Observant. He always commented on my bad track record, he seemed jealous and upset when I was with BoatGuy, but I felt an acceptance from him at the party a week ago.



  17.  #17Iamabutterfly on September 15, 2012 at 8:55 am

    I feel so embarassed to write about Jack CD. I feel like he is totally messing with my mind, and I don’t know why! (sometimes I really do feel like he is just trying to get into my pants eventually)

    GRRRRRR. I feel really annoyed.

    He is the third guy I’ve known that has been in a position of authority over me (teacher, same age though) and that I sense is trying to communicate with me with these weird, passive aggressive ways in these random, don’t-have-to-do-with-anything-else-points when he’s teaching.

    Thankfully, he’s the first guy out of the three who is actually SINGLE.

    Like, last night, before class, I casually asked him how he was doing while I was sitting across from him in my seat.

    and he was like, “Terrible.” but he said it while smiling, so I smiled too. (couldn’t help it.)

    and I just said, “Sorry you’re doing so terrible” while smiling.

    and he goes, “I’m not.” and then he locked eyes with me and wouldn’t look away for a good ten seconds.

    and it made feel soooooo squirmy and blushy.

    Then, while he was teaching, he got off on some point that I swear didn’t have to do with anything on topic, and he was like, “like, say you’re in a guy/girl situation. and you’re both interested, but communication isn’t taking place. and sure, you’re like, ‘I’m not the best communicator’ (I think I actually said that to him at some point), but if you want someone enough, you’ll make it happen.”

    UGgggg, I feel like he’s waiting for me to do or say something! but I feel so stubborn and I want him to take the lead and he’s not! and if we’re going to talk, I want to talk about this stuff PRIVATELY, in a situation where he has asked me out.

    anyone want to psycho-analyze it all for me?

    insight?

    tell me just to forget about it and CD other men?

    I guess it just drives me crazy because I feel so much sexual tension between us, but that doesn’t “mean” anything necessarily.



  18.  #18Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 8:56 am

    oH (((((((((((((((((((((((((Belle)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

    That just brought tears to my eyes and a deep sinking feeling in my gut. Oh ((((((((Belle))))))))))))))))))



  19.  #19ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 8:57 am

    (((Belle))) You did what you thought was best for your son and you should feel proud of that. You were very young and school was a good choice. 🙂 I feel so sad reading your comment.



  20.  #20T-Girl on September 15, 2012 at 8:58 am

    Mmm FW, those are great feelings!



  21.  #21Luzydel on September 15, 2012 at 9:00 am

    whoohoo! busy weekend, rehearsal for dance event today at night and tomorrow I will dance with my crew! yayy me… forget about “Dw” he is not going to move, and I don’t want to make him move…it feels tiring every time I had to try make a man move.
    I am going to flirt with the musicians at the rehearsal!



  22.  #22Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 9:00 am

    I resounded to a couple of posts on the last thread when realized there is a new one up.

    I am actually not short, but not really tall either, close to 5’6. Wanted to be shorter for nice shirt guys in the past;)



  23.  #23T-Girl on September 15, 2012 at 9:00 am

    ((((Belle))))



  24.  #24coco kisses on September 15, 2012 at 9:02 am

    ((((Belle)))))…….@ Feminine Woman…..I you comment made me Fe loved!



  25.  #25Iamabutterfly on September 15, 2012 at 9:08 am

    @ 12 Belle – that was so beautiful. I don’t know what I feel reading it, but I feel YOU radiating out of it, and I feel such sorrow for you, but such hope as well.

    I feel inadequate in my understanding of situations like yours.

    I want to understand.
    I want to support you, even though I don’t truly empathize.

    I want to hug and comfort you most of all, even though all I’m technically doing is typing…

    (((((Belle)))))))



  26.  #26Annie on September 15, 2012 at 9:25 am

    Receiving Girl,

    “There is no more free ride.!

    I feel triggered by this.

    Do you really believe that a woman who stays at home with her children and doesn’t work is having a free ride?

    It’s ok if you do believe that as I know a lot of people do. I don’t share that belief though and believe it is a false belief/ perception personally as it is judgmental.



  27.  #27Luzydel on September 15, 2012 at 9:35 am

    “Dw” answer to my ‘speech’? …”i hear ya!!!”

    So, i am moving on…he doesn’t want to get closer, he doesn’t feel it and I am feeling do bored with this…



  28.  #28Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 9:37 am

    FW, #8

    Yes, I do remember my comment and I stand by it. I admit, I have been in these shoes (JT). He is the king of telling the truth, but I told myself over and over that he just didn’t realize he loved me…hah!!!! He’s incapable of loving someone on a long term basis. (Belle, talk about a bad boy…).



  29.  #29Annie on September 15, 2012 at 9:56 am

    I totally feel in agreement with everything Rori has said here and it makes complete sense.

    I am having a hard time today.
    I feel exhausted and need some daylight and decent food.

    This feels so ironic.
    A paradox.

    I can’t get my head round the.
    Husband with whom I am separated says he love me and wants to make it work wants another chance, doesn’t want to get divorced. is not in love with me anymore but believes if I give him a chance with fall in love with me again and doesn’t want me to cd.
    Unbelievable.

    And another man, says he loves me and is in love with me. Will love me forever. One minute says he wants to be married to me in the future and get to a place in in his life where that is possible but doesn’t step up with actions to prove those words.

    Sigh.

    Any thoughts.

    It’s so much easier to see the what is in the best interest for others than ourselves as our emotions are not fully involved.

    Also My emotions run me when I am tired and spiral out of control..



  30.  #30Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:01 am

    tears Belle Ty for bearing you soul. XXXX



  31.  #31Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:04 am

    5: Femininewomansays:

    “I never, ever, would encourage any woman to “keep up a friendship” with a man she’s in love with.

    Rori, profound profound profound insights.”

    And the question that arises is can we really be in love with man who isn’t in love with us?
    I now don’t believe we can. we are addicted to pain and believe that is love.
    It’s not.



  32.  #32Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Lama – I think you leaned forward asking him how he’s doing, and when he was locking eyes w u he was flirting w u. I think it would clear the way for him to step up if u just kinda ignore him and just smile at him when you see he’s looking at you , and then only respond when he talks to you first.



  33.  #33Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:06 am

    (((Belle))) I hear you



  34.  #34ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 10:09 am

    @26 Annie

    No, I don’t believe that. I feel women should stay home with their kids because I think it’s healthier for the kids.

    I do believe, however, that overspending without caring or thinking about it because you know your mother-in-law will bail you out, is a free ride and taking advantage.



  35.  #35Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Annie – keep CDing at least 3! Give husband a chance but stick ti ur guns about CDing. Tell him you want a ffling wonderful relationship and are open to wherever that may come from.



  36.  #36Iamabutterfly on September 15, 2012 at 10:09 am

    @32 Daria – Thanks, Daria! I love this advice. Feels empowering, yum!



  37.  #37Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:12 am

    And now feeling sad that I gave out thoughts – brilliant of course – rather than staying w me and my feelings and investigating my triggers from where those thoughts would be generate. (((((Daria)))))



  38.  #38ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 10:15 am

    @29 Annie

    I feel confused, if hubby isn’t feeling love, what are his reasons for wanting to stop the divorce?



  39.  #39Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Lama – yay! I feel kinda relieved you like it!

    Also I would really be very vigilant to position myself leaning back body language whenever he engaged me. This is cuz I notice w some guys I like, I get kinda anxious and lean forward physically if I’m not being consustently aware.



  40.  #40Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:16 am

    Receiving says:

    “@26 Annie

    No, I don’t believe that. I feel women should stay home with their kids because I think it’s healthier for the kids.

    I do believe, however, that overspending without caring or thinking about it because you know your mother-in-law will bail you out, is a free ride and taking advantage.”

    Ty Receiving girl now I understand where you are coming from. Thanks for clarifying.



  41.  #41ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I do feel judgmental.



  42.  #42Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:18 am

    I feel excited to have tha Calle Zorro website as a resource for men. I want his ebooks! His advice is a male complement of Rori to me, and it comes off kinda Michigan and manly which feels thrilling to me, rather than wimpy and bland.



  43.  #43Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:21 am

    35: Daria says:

    “Annie – keep CDing at least 3! Give husband a chance but stick ti ur guns about CDing. Tell him you want a ffling wonderful relationship and are open to wherever that may come from.”

    Thanks Daria. Part of me wants to and part of me wants him nowhere near me ever again and to just move on.
    I believe I am still in transition and its the old part that wants to give him a chance. And the new wants to never see him again ever.



  44.  #44Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Vi – I feel so curious! What is the link to Brad Yates and his daughter’s vid?



  45.  #45forest siren on September 15, 2012 at 10:22 am

    That’s how I feel too giving advice and suggestions now I feel emptier not good. I feel more myself when I am staying with my feelings.

    Ugh this morning I totally leaned forward. A man friend cd was being attacked verbally and criticized and I got in there and defended him. I love my feisty ness but it’s not the power structure I want anymore.

    Lionman is taking the oars up all over the place organizing a little road trip for us – good and involving himself in something I am doing – not so good. In fact I may have to talk to him and say no ugh I don’t want to hurt his feelings but we are not together and I would only want him at said event as my fiancée no more quasi boyfriend girlfriend situation for me. I would love some help with that speech please.



  46.  #46Daria on September 15, 2012 at 10:24 am

    Annie – well… I feel resistant to that … Lol!

    good thing is we don’t have to figure it put in our head or make a decision. Just CDing will help everything get very clear and healed over time…



  47.  #47Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:27 am

    41: Receiving Girl says:

    “I do feel judgmental.”

    I would love to explore this more with Rori Dominique and others as surely we all feel like this.
    And isn’t calling someone toxic and bad for us judgmental?

    It doesn’t seem possible to always stay out of judgment. How do we not judge a Man who has raped a woman. Or child molesters etc.

    I don’t fully understand the forgiving stuff.
    How do you forgive someone if you really were a victim in a helpless situation.
    How do you not judge them.
    I feel confused about this.



  48.  #48Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:28 am

    46: Daria says:

    “Annie – well… I feel resistant to that … Lol!

    good thing is we don’t have to figure it put in our head or make a decision. Just CDing will help everything get very clear and healed over time…”

    Ty Daria.



  49.  #49Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

    38: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    “@29 Annie

    I feel confused, if hubby isn’t feeling love, what are his reasons for wanting to stop the divorce?”

    He says he still loves me, can see the mistakes he made but isn’t in love with me anymore but believes if I give him a chance he will get those in love feelings back. He wants to physically spend time and get close again and believes if he does he will feel in love again. Says he love me still and cares about me.



  50.  #50ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 10:32 am

    @47 Annie

    Me too. I don’t think it’s possible to not be judgmental 100% of the time. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. When someone does something not nice, terrible, vicious, vindictive, I can’t help myself but to feel judgment and dislike their behavior.

    I think if we didn’t have judgments, this world would be a very scary place because no one would have a sense of right or wrong.



  51.  #51Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

    my last post in moderation in reply to receiving girl. Not sure why as no swearing or anything.



  52.  #52ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

    My comment went into moderation…hmmm, not sure why. Let’s try this.

    @47 Annie

    Me too. I don’t think it’s possible to not be judgmental 100% of the time. Everyone is responsible for their own actions. When someone does something not nice, terrible, vic-ious, vind-ictive, I can’t help myself but to feel judgment and dislike their behavior.

    I think if we didn’t have judgments, this world would be a very scary place because no one would have a sense of right or wrong.



  53.  #53Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:34 am

    has appeared now.



  54.  #54Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:35 am

    oh now still not appeared?
    confused



  55.  #55ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

    @50 Annie

    Okay. Sorry I don’t know any background…what started the divorce and was it him or you that filed?



  56.  #56Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:36 am

    “I think if we didn’t have judgments, this world would be a very scary place because no one would have a sense of right or wrong.”

    That feels interesting to explore that.



  57.  #57Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:37 am

    50: AnnieNo Gravatar says:

    38: ReceivingGirlNo Gravatar says:

    “@29 Annie

    I feel confused, if hubby isn’t feeling love, what are his reasons for wanting to stop the divorce?”

    He says he still loves me, can see the mistakes he made but isn’t in love with me anymore but believes if I give him a chance he will get those in love feelings back. He wants to physically spend time and get close again and believes if he does he will feel in love again. Says he love me still and cares about me.



  58.  #58Annie on September 15, 2012 at 10:40 am

    Got to go now Receiving girl so am not ignoring and will happily answer later.



  59.  #59Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 10:57 am

    RE 29 Annie that’s the reason why I stay on my bridge and refuse to get dragged off. Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want. Too much energy to try and figure them out. Let them decide how and if they want to stick around.



  60.  #60Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Annie, I think a lot depends on the attitude in terms of staying at home and taking care if children.. and yourself. SmartCD’s ex stays at home for years and years and now that she has a small child she demands a lot of money for a nanny, though she doesn’t let him to have a baby-sitter for the days the child is with him.



  61.  #61Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 11:01 am

    I still feel weird about not being invited for tosh hashana, though don’t want to impose myself on him.



  62.  #62Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 11:09 am

    Ouch… Not in love with him yet, but could fall for him. I know it. I need to rethink my situation. He called and asked to join us at the amusement park with his kids. They’ll be here soon. I feel confused now. 🙁 maybe I’m putting myself in a bad placE here.



  63.  #63Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I’m not trying to make him love me, but I do feel more than friendship. Crap. No other good CDs are popping up either. I need to get on that immediately.



  64.  #64Goddess Lily on September 15, 2012 at 11:16 am

    Other than online dating, where should I go to meet more CDs? And is being out and hoping to meet someone not leaning forward? I’m afraid through the LOA that I will attract more men that I should otherwise avoid.



  65.  #65Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 11:25 am

    Yes Turqouise, while he has no responsibilities because he told you he wants friendship only, even if he is not acting like it, and you accepted.



  66.  #66Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

    FW, 59
    “Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want”

    Thank you thank you thank you!!! I had that all typed out before in a long response to Belle, but erased it because I felt scared that it would cause conflict here. I truly believe this, especially when they KNOW our feelings are stronger than theirs. I’ve been the recipient of this way too much.
    Not gonna happen again! I will no longer compromise



  67.  #67Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 11:41 am

    What responsibilities should he have Memulo? I thought we were responsible for ourselves?



  68.  #68Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 11:43 am

    You can’t make anyone feel anything



  69.  #69Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 12:26 pm

    Yes Turquoise, if he decides to be extra cute or feels romantic for a day it will be your responsibility to fall or not to fall for it. Not trying to spoil your day! Just feels unfair to me



  70.  #70Daria on September 15, 2012 at 12:30 pm

    Triggers!



  71.  #71Daria on September 15, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    I feel excited for all of us beings ‘getting it’ and seeing all aggressiveness as an acting out from fear and pain And we can turn on our magic compassion And step asides, ouch sigh, and offer healing and love yum



  72.  #72ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    Suicide is so sad…he always seemed like the life of the party and happy…never would have expected him to take his life.



  73.  #73Daria on September 15, 2012 at 12:33 pm

    To me first ! To my fear and tremblyness and sadness !

    I want to feel safe – ie at peace!



  74.  #74Daria on September 15, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    Can I do it!

    Yes u can!

    Feeling up riding on the crest of the wave



  75.  #75Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    Wow RG, what happened??



  76.  #76Smile on September 15, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Thanks FW! Feel nice to hear your kind words.
    I shall repost.



  77.  #77ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Memulo, I knew him, not very well, but we have the same friends and he lives in my neighborhood. He was at some of my parties. I just saw him the other day and he seemed good. He was really nice and a lot of fun, always had a big smile and an infectious laugh. He committed suicide last night. Our friend found him. It’s so sad. He was one year younger than me. He was my friend’s bestie.



  78.  #78Smile on September 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    Oh I’m feeling on top of the world!!!

    How lovely it is to receive! I totally leant back with my body language but kept myself and my heart open.

    I didn’t get too far with my no sex script… He finished it off. I said ‘ I feel totally turned on right now, but I don’t want to have sex…. pause

    He replied ‘until were married?’

    I said, I want to be in a committed relationship first…

    He totally respected this. My boundaries and my vibe felt so strong.

    We mostly just breathed each other in. I felt like he was playing a thousand love songs for me.

    I shared so many feelings, let myself be totally vulnerable with him.

    We lay on the living room floor, he lay my head on his arm, twirled my hair. Stroked my face, he said, wow, I’ve never felt like this before… What’ve you done to me. He asked if I thought we would work it out… I said it felt nice to spend time together, it feels good to enjoy the moment. I told him how great it felt to receive his emails, but that it would feel nice to also hear his voice. I told him how nice it felt remembering when we used to meet for drinks and take evening walks. I was clear that I did not want to just email.

    He has gone now, he borrowed a car to come see me.

    I feel like Rori described today in the Flypaper tool

    ‘Pave it over with rose petals, and fairy dust, and gold dust, and soft sand from exotic beaches. Make it soft.

    Make it so a man’s footprints can be felt, and yet he can fly away and the breeze will blow more gold and fairy dust and soft sand to leave a fresh place for another man – or 100 men! – to leave more footprints…

    And… perhaps stay awhile. Or forever.’

    I feel totally on my horse riding on! I enjoyed the moment. I was vunerable and honest with my feelings and what I want.

    Aw he was so smitten with me. He’s so going to have to have a freezing cold shower when he gets back.

    It felt great saying no tonight to having sex. Even though he never asked or pushed for it.

    Saying no to sex felt attractive.

    We laughed lots, it felt fun and flirty.



  79.  #79ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    It just shows you never know what people are feeling or thinking on the inside. They could be wearing a mask to cover it all up.



  80.  #80Smile on September 15, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    And all the pining, longingly feelings I use to have after he left have gone…

    I’ve paved over my fly trap with my glittering heart 

    Now I’m snuggled up watching a film, looking forward to my busy day tomorrow.



  81.  #81Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    I’m still thinking how to come up with FMs about it. When I hear from him to ask if we are spending holiday evening together? And then to say that I feel left out? That I don’t really understand why we are not celebrating together. That I don’t want to be his secret.. I want my guy to be proud if me and show mr off. if he is not sure he is ready to introduce me to his friends I understand. That I have feelings for him but I want to find a real relationship.. so I will keep looking, he can’t have me all for himself.



  82.  #82Smile on September 15, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    Memulo, we had a special day on Friday learning all about it. I teach 5 year olds. We had apples dipped in honey 



  83.  #83Smile on September 15, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    (((receiving girl)))

    Sending so much love your way and to your friend. My friend lost her boyfriend to suicide last year so I totally resonate with how this feels. I feel all crumbly remembering how sad it felt.



  84.  #84ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    @81 Memulo

    I did that with BoatGuy and it didn’t go over very well. He said, I wasn’t happy and we should go our own ways. After that, he did talk to one of our friends about me and that was the first time. It didn’t last much more than a month after that. I realized, it wasn’t him, but me, I was accepting less than what I wanted and I was allowing myself to be a secret. Don’t get me wrong, he does have his own issues, but I was letting him keep me as a secret. I wanted more and I deserved more. In walked Mr. Observant to help me see that clearly when he asked me, “what do YOU want?”

    Memulo, what do you want? How about if you really get deep into yourself and write down what you really want from a relationship and compare it to what you are getting…how does that feel?



  85.  #85Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Smile, how sweet;)



  86.  #86ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 1:04 pm

    (((Smile))) Thank you. I feel all teary about it. I know my friends are feeling lots of sadness & pain. And probably feeling like they failed him since they didn’t do something to prevent it. I know that would be going through my head. Ya know, all the what if’s…



  87.  #87Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    RE 81 Memulo what is the point of telling him that when you are the one giving away all of yourself to him?



  88.  #88Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    RG,

    So sorry for what happened..

    About my relationship – I do trust him. I feel that he is coming around more and more. I feel that he cares about me, that we are close and getting closer. So I feel unsure whether it’s the right step to push him, to insist. On the other hand it doesn’t quite feels right and I’d feel bad if I make him do it before he is ready. But if I accept crumbs it won’t do me any good either:)



  89.  #89Smile on September 15, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    My heart felt lit up hearing him say ‘your beautiful’ 



  90.  #90Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    Memulo I believe it is your guy he won’t offer you crumbs. You would be too valuable to him. If he cares about you he will not offer crumbs. Pushing a man or insisting will only result in resistance and resentment. A man in love needs no push. He might be clueless but not possible to be that clueless.



  91.  #91Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Smile he’s beginning to see your heart.



  92.  #92ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Thank you, Memulo.

    I wouldn’t push him. It won’t work if you push him. But, if you feel you are accepting crumbs, then maybe you need to take a step back. What are the things that make you feel that way?

    I’ve been reading the love languages book and I do think there is something to that. Is quality time your love language? I think it is mine, although, I don’t have just one. I think Mr. Observant’s is words of affirmation. He is constantly complimenting me and saying nice things to me. When I do that to him, it warms his heart and he thanks me over and over.

    What do you think SmartCDs love language is?



  93.  #93Smile on September 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm

    Feminiewoman, I can feel happy tears welling up in my eyes.



  94.  #94Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 1:19 pm

    Dominique says:

    Maggie – You can’t control him, what he thinks, how he feels. If he’s stuck in the past, all you can do is take care of you, pulls your focus off of him and place it squarely back on you. You need to fill your life up apart from him, hobbies, things which fill you up and turn you on, friends and family who make you feel good.

    And you work on you, your healing, letting go of your anxieties and things which get in your way, keep you from growing into tan open hearted, vulnerable, goddess woman who is at ease in her body and in her mind. A woman who feels love for herself and won’t accept crumbs.

    This may or may not encourage him to step up, but you don’t want to sit around waiting for him. You don’t want to expect anything.

    You know how he feels by his actions.

    xxoo



  95.  #95Smile on September 15, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    Receiving girl, my friend still has no idea why her boyfriend did it. It feels like there will always be a million unanswered questions. She had no idea of his pain.
    This will be a tough and emotional time. My heart goes out to you.



  96.  #96Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 1:20 pm

    If he truly is SmartCD he knows how to win a woman’s heart and will figure out what to do.



  97.  #97ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 1:24 pm

    Smile, that is so sad. It must be terrible to go through for your friend. Death is always tough. My grandma had a lot of guilt when my grandpa died. She kept thinking she didn’t do something right that would have prevented it. Other people may have know if this friend had troubles, but I certainly didn’t. I thought he was living a very happy life.



  98.  #98Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 1:29 pm

    Flirting is definitely a skill that every woman should have. When you set your sights on a good looking guy you’ve got to know how to do a little flirting to let him know you are interested. Knowing how to flirt with a guy that you’re interested in will save you from possibly losing out on a potentially great relationship. Here are some useful flirting tips which you can use yourself..

    1) ~ Wear Something That Makes You Feel Good

    Flirting is about attitude. You want to make sure you feel great about yourself so wear something that makes you feel fun and sexy. You’ve got to feel “comfortable” in it too! When trying to make a guy fall in love with you, you don’t want to go outside of your comfort zone, as you will just end up feeling self conscious the whole time.

    2) ~ Be Yourself

    Relax and a smile and joke around. Uptight energy is awful to be around so you don’t want to be giving any of that off. Don’t worry about how you look or being perfect. It will only make you awkward and weird.

    3) ~ Touch Him First

    It is a little easier for a girl to get away with lightly touching a guy first rather than the other way around. You could lightly rub up against him or touch his arm lightly while talking. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Adjusting a piece of his clothing is another subtle way to cross over this touching barrier. Just don’t wait for him to make the first move here.

    4) ~ Sincere compliments.

    Everyone loves to get a compliment especially the guy that you are showing attention to. Just make sure when you compliment him that it is sincere or he will see right through you.

    5) ~ Be confident and positive.

    Don’t cross your arms in front of your body. This is a real disconnect. Make sure you face him while talking and lean toward him a little. Making eye contact and smiling will go a long way in making him and you feel comfortable.

    When you know how to flirt with a guy you can have a lot of fun and enjoy the process of meeting men rather than be intimidated by it. Most of it starts with you and feeling good about yourself and who you are. Men are attracted to confidence. It is not all about being the most physically attractive person
    out there.

    Now that you are knowledgeable about some key tips on how to flirt with a guy, go out there and have some fun! The whole experience should be exciting, fun and intriguing – don’t let the little things get in the way and focus on getting to know
    the guy and evaluating if he’s a great fit for you and your lifestyle. Who knows? He could be the one!

    I hope this has helped! 🙂

    Talk to you soon,

    Lisa Harris



  99.  #99Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Sirens, I am in shock and starting to see M in a whole different way. Somehow today during a conversation about nothing perticular, he mentionned that in 2008 for about 6 months he rented a chalet up north where he went to stay by himself. While married. While his youngest child was not even 1 and the others 3 and 7. Why? To do his thesis.

    I remember now reading in the divorce court psychologist report how his wife mentions having suffered for years because of his pulling away and pushing her away repetitively.

    What do you all think? Would you have tolerated this? Do you think the tools can help this? Or is this a pattern that is here to stay and part of who he is?



  100.  #100Smile on September 15, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    Siren angel, I don’t feel triggered by this? I see it as a man seeking his space to work quietly, especially with young children around.aybe he didn’t have a connected relationship with his ex?



  101.  #101Smile on September 15, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    Receiving girl, a year on she still finds it difficult although the pain is easing.



  102.  #102Goddess Lily on September 15, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    Siren Angel,

    I feel a little off about that. I understand that his thesis should be important but I would also think he responsibilities to his children should also be a priority. I just dont know about that.



  103.  #103Smile on September 15, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Siren angel, did he not see them at all during this time?



  104.  #104Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    Forgiveness is about you, it’s not about the person you feel needs your forgiveness.



  105.  #105Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Turq,

    Is is possible to just take one day at a time with Mr C?
    Don’t worry if you are falling in love with him, don’t worry if it will develop from friendship to something more from him.
    Just enjoy each other and the kids.



  106.  #106Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Smile, The wife and kids would go spend fhe weekends there.
    But still, I would not have liked that one bit.
    Leaving me alone with our small kids. No way.

    Plus the report and our breakups. I am starting to really wonder if this is worth my time at all.



  107.  #107Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    He is definety a hot and cold man.
    Would I even want to be married to that?



  108.  #108Dominique on September 15, 2012 at 2:04 pm

    Annie – 47 – Maybe this will help.

    http://sexandheart.com/when-you-feel-judgmental

    xxoo



  109.  #109Starbright on September 15, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Dominique,

    Did you resolve your computer issues?

    I hope so!!!

    Starbright



  110.  #110Annie on September 15, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    ty 66: Femininewoman and sassy/

    FW, 59
    “Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want”

    Thank you thank you thank you!!! I had that all typed out before in a long response to Belle, but erased it because I felt scared that it would cause conflict here. I truly believe this, especially when they KNOW our feelings are stronger than theirs. I’ve been the recipient of this way too much.
    Not gonna happen again! I will no longer compromise”

    That’s it I feel I am being pulled off my bridge, pulled backwards. Coerced., manipulated, it does not feel good,



  111.  #111Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Fudge, this day is not going well, at all. He’s in a bad mood, kids seem tired, baby is cranky. Wtf to do now. I think he’s going home. I’m staying if my girls want to. I feel the urge to just ride rides, let the wind flow in my hair, eat junk food… And be with my kids.



  112.  #112Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 2:22 pm

    (((Turquoise))) it seems to just be one of those days…



  113.  #113Dominique on September 15, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    No Starbright, not really.

    I still can’t view videos posed on FB unless youtubes links, and I can’t view my own video on my site, nor can I listen to pandora plus cannot upload photos to google +

    My thoughts are that the necessary adobe update is nor totally compatible with my operating system, i.e windows is looking to make more money, like they need more. I will likely have to get a new computer, sigh, or upgrade to windows 7. another sigh.

    xxoo



  114.  #114Daria on September 15, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    Siren Angel – whoa! feels scary



  115.  #115Annie on September 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Receiving girl, feel sad to hear your news, how very sad. 🙁

    55: Receiving says:

    “@50 Annie

    Okay. Sorry I don’t know any background…what started the divorce and was it him or you that filed?”

    I was the one who said I wanted a divorce after feeling unsupported re children boundaries and safety.
    And not getting the kind of marriage and family life I wanted. constantly psychologically shut down and abused.
    Just slowly started to wake up and become more aware and realized I was reliving my abusive family life.
    Total dysfunction and unhealthy family life and relationship. Guess I believed.
    I didn’t deserve anything better. I don’t believe that any more. I woke up and became more and more recconcted to my soul. Still get dragged back now and again though 🙁



  116.  #116Daria on September 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    hmm actually my dad went to China on a business trip for like 6 months maybe? when i was under 1…

    hmmm

    they worked for the same company and they had to do whatever asked, i believe, hmm

    feeling curious and kinda still schoked and tight



  117.  #117Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 2:28 pm

    Annie,

    ??? How, why does that post make you feel that way?



  118.  #118Tam on September 15, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Smile I just read all your story with strummingman. I feel inspired and so happy for you!!



  119.  #119Annie on September 15, 2012 at 2:34 pm

    99: Siren Angel says:

    “Sirens, I am in shock and starting to see M in a whole different way. Somehow today during a conversation about nothing perticular, he mentionned that in 2008 for about 6 months he rented a chalet up north where he went to stay by himself. While married. While his youngest child was not even 1 and the others 3 and 7. Why? To do his thesis.

    I remember now reading in the divorce court psychologist report how his wife mentions having suffered for years because of his pulling away and pushing her away repetitively.

    What do you all think? Would you have tolerated this? Do you think the tools can help this? Or is this a pattern that is here to stay and part of who he is?”

    Hugs, I would have been heartbroken and felt abandoned if my hubby had left me alone for six months with three children to look after.
    They are his children too.
    I would have found that very difficult to cope with.
    I have had similar psychological abuse and tolerated it. I will not ever tolerate that again. When I asked for support and help got told to get on with it other woman manage. I then felt inadequate, I honestly do not know how I didn’t have a nervous breakdown.

    If this is what he does and is part of his character, it is what it is.
    Have you attracted anything similar in the past?
    What about your ex’s or your parents?



  120.  #120Smile on September 15, 2012 at 2:51 pm

    Hi tam, glad I saw your post, just about to go to bed.
    Hope you had a good evening.

    It felt easier tonight to speak my truth and be vulnerable. Putting my needs and wants out there actually feels empowering like it attracted him more…,

    Well Rori said to be surprised…

    I feel strong.



  121.  #121Smile on September 15, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    I can still ‘feel’ his affection. Yum.



  122.  #122Annie on September 15, 2012 at 2:58 pm

    Ty Dominique.

    I just don’t know how not to judge a rapist or child molester.
    I don’t want to have empathy and see it from their point of view.
    Anyone else than yes.
    Even mothers who kill themselves and disabled children.
    people who help their loved ones die if they are terminally ill.
    Drug addicts. prostitutes I do not judge.
    But rapists and child molesters I judge, even if they have other good qualities. or ‘their reasons’.
    I do not feel compassion for them no.

    I judge them to be character disorder and lacking in remorse. They have something missing.

    I do not judge their families and feel empathy and compassion for them.



  123.  #123Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    Forest Siren @45,

    “Lionman is taking the oars up all over the place organizing a little road trip for us – good and involving himself in something I am doing – not so good. In fact I may have to talk to him and say no ugh I don’t want to hurt his feelings but we are not together and I would only want him at said event as my fiancée no more quasi boyfriend girlfriend situation for me. I would love some help with that speech please.”

    CC has a speech about exactly this, I believe it was when Rori was interviewing him, and it makes the man value you more.

    It goes something like ” I would love to go away with you, but this is something I save for a man I am in a relationship with” It makes the man have something in the future to look forward too and to step up because you just took more value in his eyes.

    xx



  124.  #124Annie on September 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm

    Sassy I mean’t when men do this. Say all the words thet know we want to hear but then don’t deliver with their actions.

    That;s it Ty for reminding me. Stay on my bridge, stop listening, smile lean back and watch. 🙂



  125.  #125Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Hmm RG,

    I believe his love language is to take care of me. To take me to places that I would love, to teach me things, to explain, to get me things that I may need.

    Then if he is not spending any time with me on a holiday weekend and I say nothing about it, you suggest that I just go date other men and not say anything and see where it takes me?



  126.  #126Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    Annie,

    I am feeling deep compassion right now for his soon to be ex-wife.

    No, I have not attracted this in at least 12 years. But I used to attract it when I was in my 20s and early 30s.



  127.  #127Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

    Forest Siren,

    You can also say “It is something I save for a man I am exclusive with” if that is what you feel more adapted.



  128.  #128Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    (((Annie))) I am sorry you went through similar pain and suffering than M’s ex-wife.



  129.  #129Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 3:07 pm

    Memulo @125,

    What about Cding yourself or some friends? It would lift your vibe and basically make you feel good. Or at least go see a movie, go for a run or a swim, take care of you and try to see this as time for you to rejuvenate.



  130.  #130Annie on September 15, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    I have learned no Siren, if we feel abandoned it is because we are abandoning ourselves and our needs. So if we want a partner who is there for us and our children helping daily and not going off for six months expecting us to parent our children alone then we must express this and say it’s a deal-breaker

    He then gets to choose. Does he want to be there with his wife and family and support and help or go off and do his own thing.
    He doesn’t deserve his wife and children if he abandons them in this way.

    He would have to prove to me with his actions that he wouldn’t do this to his children again otherwise the only way I would let him have contact would be through mediation very slowly so he built a bonded relationship with them if he was capable.



  131.  #131Senara on September 15, 2012 at 3:20 pm

    Oh wow, I’ve tried that once, make someone love me. Bad mistake!!! All I remember is that when it ended, I felt like my insides were being ripped out and left out to dry. Fortunately, I had projects to take care of and that kept me busy and even though I was bleeding my heart out, no one ever guessed a thing. I was strong outside but crumbling inside…

    I don’t wish that on anyone. No.



  132.  #132Senara on September 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    Siren Angel,

    I’m curious, I’d like to know how you feel about the whole situation? Sad, mad, triggered, disappointed?



  133.  #133Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    SA #125,

    Yes, I know. I just realized that he will probably not contact me at all this weekend and re-appears once it is over.



  134.  #134Tam on September 15, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    Hi Smile, also about to go to bed.
    My friend, a psychologist, very much agreed with this post. She also told me to take MrP at face value, if he said ‘fwb’ or ‘friends’ to me before, she said he will assume by me agreeing to see him, that I am ok with that.
    Well, I am not.
    So I am just thinking whether to address this while still here or when I see him. I’d like to deliver my speech now, so he and I both know where I stand.
    If he really wants me then, he can step up – and if he doesn’t, I know and am kinda free and will draw a line.

    Off to bed now and work tomorrow, catch up with ya after
    xxx



  135.  #135Daria on September 15, 2012 at 3:48 pm

    Ouch world I feel disappointed again



  136.  #136Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    I don’t feel like going out alone.. tired from the workout and didn’t make any arrangements.



  137.  #137Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 3:59 pm

    I feel like a boring semi-girlfriend who he wants to keep but at the same time to fool to buy himself some free time.



  138.  #138Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    He did treat me really well on thursday, he was extremely caring and helped me pick my bday gift and we had so much fun.



  139.  #139Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Baby has a really bad rash, got worse as the day progressed. He lft to take her to the dr. Babies mom said it was nothing, but looked bad to me. It’s really hard to be in a good mood with a sick baby… So not holding that against him. We are having fun, enjoying the last few hours of the park and then heading home. Thanks for the advice today!



  140.  #140Daria on September 15, 2012 at 4:04 pm

    Regarding judgement – reading 4 agreements felt very soothing and empowering for me with that

    It feels healing to believe people acting out violently are in pain and no one is ever at fault. Beings play out traumas that they’ve received over and over, in different roles, until there is compassion boundaries and healing.

    I feel all defeated when something reminds me ‘the world isn’t healed yet, the world isn’t safe yet’

    🙁

    First, I learn non judgement so I can stop fighting and creating the same violent energy I am thinking I’m fighting against.

    So if I’m pushing here, I’m gona get a push back.

    So accept it and I have compassion. I know and remember how many walls I had up

    Then now to take my DNA change to all parts of me, when they show up

    Sigh

    I want to ring my bell.

    My bell wakes up everyone.

    Easily

    Dissolvingly

    Healingly

    A bear killed a human

    Is it possible to kill when I choose when I die

    No

    I can eliminate the word kill and my life will get easier and safer now

    Ah

    You are wise sage Daria

    I’ve been waiting for that.

    I feel relieved.

    So my brother died. And my other brother died and my other brother and my other brother and my other brother.

    They died.

    They chose to.

    So now what a lovely task, to translate the word kill into my own consciousness

    I feel scared to, will I be lonely ?

    Lol

    Ouch

    I see me.

    You’re never alone D, I’m here wit ya.

    But you’re not fly enough. You won’t make me cool.

    I hear you. I am fly. You are fly. We are cool.

    Belief shifting.

    Remember, w healing u never lose. So if anything well get more friends, and more fame. See wat happened w men. Now we get a lotta them.

    Ok . I trust you .



  141.  #141Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 4:12 pm

    I actually never was in this situation before. All men I ever went out with tried to spend as much time with me as possible. And not to play me.

    He is in a very tough situation and I really feel for him, and he reminded me of it in the last text exchange that we had on Friday. Don’t know, maybe if I was less accepting after the last weekend when he stood me up I wouldn’t be alone this weekend lol.



  142.  #142Daria on September 15, 2012 at 4:14 pm

    Wow thinking how much less rage I feel when I won’t be always reading of who killed who in the world.

    That is some huge shit!

    And , my thought was, people will try to kill u! But they can’t lol! It doesn’t work that way anymore.

    So that will make me very less scared ah.

    The benefits of these are gona show up lovely and huge.

    I feel testy, I’ve done it, I’m gobs embody the healing I was looking for the solution for all the ‘killing’ I felt upset about.

    Tears rolling



  143.  #143Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Memulo in his mind he might be just dating



  144.  #144Siren Angel on September 15, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Senara,
    What I feel is scared. I don’t want that to happen to me in a few years.



  145.  #145Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Siren Angel I would not judge him as a selfish man or neglectful father. Pulling aways seems to be a pattern in his life. Maybe his rhythmic life slow. Would you be comfortable accepting him as is? Likely he would not change for you or any other woman. But some women would be okay with his pattern. It might be something he needs to feel whole in himself. His pair bonding hormone level could be low.



  146.  #146Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    FW, maybe, though I don’t really understand what it means and I feel that he really tries to please me, at least while we are communicating.



  147.  #147Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    well, today he had another 9 hours of watched visitation with the child.



  148.  #148Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    9 hours with the stranger hanging out there, listening to their conversations and taking notes. I don’t know how he takes it, I don’t now if I’d be strong enough to go through this every other day.



  149.  #149Belle on September 15, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Thank you thank you thank you all for the hugs.

    I’m feeling MUCH better now. I spent a few hours with my girlfriends and am seeing things in a more positive light. I have a friend who I think of as being “relentlessly positive”, she is one of the most joyful people I have ever met – she asked me a bunch of questions in a way that showed me, I didn’t *have* to still be hurting over all of that, I could let go of the guilt and see myself in a way that I could be proud of myself.

    I feel a little heavy overall because I just ate but my heart feels much lighter 🙂



  150.  #150Femininewoman on September 15, 2012 at 4:31 pm

    Memulo reading this last comment and honestly it feels pathetic. It seems so hyperfocussed on the man like you are sitting there counting the minutes he is spending with his child. As if you have nothing better to do.



  151.  #151forest siren on September 15, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    Siren angel thanks for responding to me even when you have other stuff on your mind. Good scripts thanks but seems so weird after all this time to have to say them but we are not together and FW I hear what you say unless I reiterate them he will think I’m ok with things as they are. It’s actually an event not an overnight thing and I don’t want him involved unless we are committed otherwise I’m closing my options off for other men if he is there.

    Siren angel as for your situation I don’t know that sounds horrible I wouldn’t want my husband leaving me with three smallies however it depends on how he did it. If he was like I’m doing this for us I miss the family I live for the weekends and being with you all then maybe. But if he was angry about it and shut down and distancing it would feel like a repeating breakup. As FW says it maybe that set a pattern for not too much closeness but might also explain feeling overwhelmed with the kids.

    Did you ever start that parenting course?



  152.  #152forest siren on September 15, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Memulo I’d love to know more about you. What are our hobbies and interests? I’ve been reading your comments for a long time and I struggle with getting a sense of you. I know more about smart CD than you! Doyou feel like sharing yourself with us? I know you like cooking I think? What style do you like to cook best? I’m pretty much vegetarian so I like organic veggies best. I would love to have my own vegetable garden.

    Wht happened with your living situation? Did it resolve? Are you less worried about it?

    Also forgive me if I offend but I’ve also noticed you use lol a lot after you have said something you found hurtful and that triggers me like you are minimizing your hurt.



  153.  #153forest siren on September 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Smile your evening sounded so romantic! I saw a couple holding hands today and I felt so happy for them and like that’s showing up cos its coming for me soon!



  154.  #154Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 4:59 pm

    Always remember two things:

    There are two sides to every story
    and
    No one knows what goes on behind closed doors



  155.  #155Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    FW #150,

    Really, feels pathetic? Yes, I sometimes look at my watch and count hours of how much more of this torture he has to go through. I feel panicking and get tears in my eyes only imagining it. I almost feel like my own basic rights are taken away from me. Experiencing it as pathetic feels very surprising to me.



  156.  #156Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 5:17 pm

    Forest Siren,

    Thank you for asking. Yes, I like to cook and not sure I have any favorite dishes, I’d try to cook anything that sounds yummy:) I don’t follow any food restrictions. I like to dance, to swim, I feel passionate about art and theater. How about you?



  157.  #157Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    FW, I want to make sure to let you know that I don’t feel upset or anything like that about your comment, I feel surprised you experience it this way.



  158.  #158Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    Sirens, I was thinking how I was missing my opportunity to do 5 second states at the amusement park when this cute guy got in line behind me. I cOuldnt bring myself to openly stare at someone so close, but did look at him many times and then, he leaned over and started talking to me! He asked how many if the girls were mine, told me how pretty they were, etc. I didn’t get his name, but found out he lives 2 hours away, is in the police academy and what sports his kids play. It was such good practice! I mentioned the girls’ sad is in the army and lives out of state, he asked if we were still together. When we got on the ride my daughter said I should have gotten his number! 🙂 felt so fun to flirt! I wish I had gotten his number! 🙂



  159.  #159forest siren on September 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Hi Memulo! I like to tear recipes out of magazines and stick them in this giant scrapbook I have full of yummy looking dishes. However I rarely use it to cook from! I’m not sure what I’m waiting for!

    I haven’t been dancing in a long time. I thought it would b fun to take ballroom dancing lessons with Lionman but he wasn’t very enthusiastic! I want to try Zumba. What kindof dancing do u like? Mostly I just dance around the house now when no one is looking 😉

    I’m a terrible swimmer and I can only be in warm water! I’m an earth sign so not crazy about getting wet. I prefer baths to showers. Do you swim in a pool?

    I used to be passionate about art but to be honest I don’t really have that same passion for it now. I am passionate about horses though! And theater I’m a bit too lazy I prefer a good movie.

    What happened re your living situation?



  160.  #160Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    If I see him again before we leave I’m asking his name! I thought he was too cute for me too..,, how funny! He even brushed a bug off my forehead 🙂



  161.  #161ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    @115 Annie

    Thank you 🙂

    Based on your background story, I don’t think I would want to reconsider the divorce. It sounds like it wasn’t a very good relationship for you. It sounds like you weren’t happy or loved very well. I feel sad to read that.

    Personally, I don’t think I would want to give someone a second chance who says they are not in love with me, but think they might grow into it, if given the chance. I don’t feel all warm and fuzzy by hearing that. I’m glad to hear you say that you are worth more 🙂 I want to have it all, I believe it is out there and I believe we all deserve to find what that is for us & live it.



  162.  #162ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    So sad, someone just broke down in tears outside my house. All the comments on FB are also so sad. All teary-eyed today. Lots of people in shock.



  163.  #163Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 5:44 pm

    Forest Siren,

    I follow recipes maybe just once and then stop:) Always change something in them and am not organized enough to keep them written somewhere.

    I recently started taking zumba classes and I like it a lot because I have sports injuries and can’t do any serious ‘power’ routine, but zumba is different. Depending on the level maybe it is very doable for me. I love ballroom dancing and need to make an effort to do it too, just was working crazy hours for the past few months. I will do it alone, you can always meet a partner in your class.

    My living situation, thanks for asking, they accepted a cheque for this month so I guess I have more time to look.



  164.  #164Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 5:47 pm

    Turquoise,

    that sounds so good:) I don’t know about asking for his number, but smiling and making an eye contact and if that doesn’t work giving him yours maybe? But don’t listen to me too much, I always give up if they don’t ask for my number.



  165.  #165baby steps on September 15, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Hi Sirens, I’ll like a little help with my script.

    Other than the short exchange we had before I came back, there was been no contact until yesterday. He had said he would be back and i texted him to let me know to let me know that he is home safe. He replied immediately but claimed he was was busy and tired.

    Miss Stix suggested a script cos during the exchange we had before I came back, I had asked if everything was wrong and said no, and used the busy excuse.

    Can I please get your opinions for the script

    Script: I know I have been on you a bit lately ( this refers to me asking if he was angry with me and if everything is ok ), and I just want to put it out there that i feel us drifting apart a little bit. I felt scared that you might be mad at me… But really, I just want to know what you think about it. So…. What do u think?

    Thank you



  166.  #166Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 5:49 pm

    Forest Siren,

    yes, I swim in a pool or in the ocean or anywhere with water enough to cover my body:) I am a water sign.



  167.  #167forest siren on September 15, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    (((Memulo))) now I feel I know you a little better! I feel good about that. Thanks for sharing.



  168.  #168baby steps on September 15, 2012 at 5:53 pm

    Sorry, I think my message is about jumbled. Between the short exchange and yesterday, I leaned back for about 5 days with zero contact.



  169.  #169Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 6:01 pm

    Baby steps,

    I would lean waaaay back. Not ask if everything is ok, how he feels or what he thinks. If he has a concern he has every right to express it, then you will listen:) I would let it hang and not initiate any contact or a conversation of this sort if he shows up.



  170.  #170Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    It feels nice to hear Forest Siren:)



  171.  #171Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 6:06 pm

    Baby Steps,

    Sorry for repeating this, but would you feel comfortable about getting busy yourself and if he contacts you not even respond immediately?



  172.  #172luzydel on September 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    Is it ok to be flirty and open to other women? Today I was only with women ding some stuff and I practice openness and a bit flirty, not in a sexual way, just being girly. I am just working out my inner vulnerabilities…



  173.  #173Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 6:10 pm

    I just talked to my mom and she suggested not to put pressure on him and to enjoy my weekend, rest, sleep (much needed!) and go out with friends if I feel like it. She thinks that expressing my disappointment or using my ‘power’ or anger is a bad idea.



  174.  #174Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 6:11 pm

    Luzydel,

    the most dazzling flirty women I know are flirty both with women and men:)



  175.  #175Sassy on September 15, 2012 at 6:20 pm

    Luzydel,

    Of course!!! It can be fun and practice. I flirt with everyone.



  176.  #176ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    @125 Memulo

    I don’t think that falls into a love language. They are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. However, they are more focused on the person receiving these things to fill their love tank.

    I’m not really suggesting that. Sometimes we can make a big deal over something that bothers us, then the person will do things just because we told them it bothers us and not because they want to. And, that won’t make you happy either. You want him to do things because he wants to.

    I have an example. I did this with my last serious bf. We had been dating 3 years, lived together 2. I was not happy because he was never around. I felt I did everything and he just roamed the neighborhood. I would make dinner and he couldn’t even sit with me for 5 minutes to eat before running out the door again. I didn’t feel appreciated at all. I felt like I was living with a roommate, whom I never saw and what was the point?

    So, I told him how unhappy I was. I told him ALL the things that bothered me. I told him how I didn’t feel like we were even in a relationship. I wake up before him, I go to bed before him, I watch TV by myself all night, I hardly see him, but at work and we really never talked. He wouldn’t do anything unless he wanted to do it. I feel sometimes you do things that your partner wants to do because you want them to be happy too. He refused to listen to the music I liked to listen to…so many things.

    He said, he would change and we could work this out. He didn’t want to end things, etc. So, what did he do? He turned on my radio station on the way home from work (we carpooled with 2 other guys) and then made a big deal about it to them, while I was sitting there. I felt like he wanted me to pat him on the head and say good boy! Definitely did not make me feel better. It made me feel like saying, don’t bother. I felt ridiculed.

    Focus on you. Do things for you. Go have your own fun and let him work for you. But, if you tell him to work for you, it won’t feel right when he does. It needs to come from him.



  177.  #177Radlove on September 15, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Daria,

    Lil girl thought of a new game:

    Change the Room…Naked.

    LOL! 😆



  178.  #178Radlove on September 15, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Luzydel,

    172 – Rori talked about that sort of thing in her last teleclass, and she said it’s fine.



  179.  #179baby steps on September 15, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    171 Memulo 🙂

    I leaned back for 5 days before messaging him and when he was short, asked the questions. After that, I leaned back for another 5 days.

    I am not comfortable leaning back, but I am willing to try. I have been trying…. I bounce between wanting to call/message vs being able to control myself and not call.

    I doubt I can bring myself not to answer if he messages, much less call >.< what frightens me is that this has been a long relationship…

    Haven't posted much here as it is an open forum and I don't feel secure.



  180.  #180Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    RG,

    This was most helpful. Thank you sooo much. Even before reading your post I was thinking – I already expressed my attitude texting him that I feel excluded. What did I hear back? Reference to his tough situation. I replied that I understand and feel very sympathetic. So I heard more references to the situation:)

    I don’t know, should I act like nothing happened? Should I get into my own business and silently drift away? I wouldn’t want that. Neither of these options feel right.



  181.  #181Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Baby Steps,

    he said he was busy, right? He knows that you reached out, so naturally once he is less busy he can contact you? I know it is very tough. But what I think in these situations is that pretty much the only way to bring them closer is to keep no contact if there is no contact that they initiate. A man should make an effort to speak to me/see me. That is a bottom line.



  182.  #182Vi on September 15, 2012 at 8:09 pm


  183.  #183ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    @180 Memulo

    You’re welcome…I’m glad my story helped. I would just mind your own business and let him come to you. I know it’s easier said than done, but I think it’s the best. He knows you were bothered. Leave it be.



  184.  #184ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    Hi baby steps,

    Sorry to make you repeat, but I don’t know your story. What happened?



  185.  #185ReceivingGirl on September 15, 2012 at 8:18 pm

    Even with such a sad day, I managed to get a lot of things done. I hope tomorrow is productive too. I still have a ton of things to do to get ready for next week.



  186.  #186Memulo on September 15, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    RG,

    Thank you, but he will prob try to ask me out in mid-week again and leave me alone on the weekend. I feel mow that I am letting him treat me like ….. that.



  187.  #187luzydel on September 15, 2012 at 8:42 pm

    I don’t really want to go back to online dating; and I fear that is the only way to date now days; and I feel sick to think about it. I don’t like it! I feel so empty about it, I fell forced when I try it and I feel unnatural.
    Dancing is fun and I keep all the focus on me and the men there are either husbands or gay…I enjoy them a lot, but of course I cannot date them.

    I miss being with a man, not just sexually; I can get sex easy… I mean to Really be with a man! I miss it….



  188.  #188Belle on September 15, 2012 at 8:48 pm

    FW and Annie

    “Men will say stuff, anything. Do anything to get what they want”

    I feel relief reading this…yes, makes sense.
    C was the one talking relationship and I was like, “are you crazy? I don’t even know you.”
    once he gave me some fluff about wanting to get to know me, that he was so curious about me and how I had opened his eyes about some things and blah blah
    for a minute my ego was all fluffed up, “Oh, yeah I’d like that, that feels good to hear.”
    Then about 1 minute later, I said, “Heyyyyyy, that doesn’t even make sense. When are we supposed to hang out and get to know each other? I told you we aren’t friends, you have a gf, what?”
    He said he knew it didn’t make sense as soon as it came out of his mouth.

    Thurs on the way out he called me “baby” and was holding me hugging me on the way out. On one hand it felt good, and on the other hand I could see it objectively and thought, “oh, he sure knows the right things to say.”

    In other news…I hung out with a friend tonight who is getting her life together with lightning speed and it is a beauty to behold. Her little one danced and hooped for us and it felt so good to see how much change had occurred in just a few weeks. It wasn’t that long ago she was stressed out and prickly with her daughter, and now they are so fluid and joyful and relaxed and playful together. Two people told me today they must be doing something right to have attracted me into their lives…
    yesthank you moreplease
    Liking that ease, the appreciation
    it’s feeling easier to let in.
    I was feeling numb with my ‘available’ friends for a while but I trusted I would get used to it and more and more I feel melty and receptive and trusting.



  189.  #189Radlove on September 15, 2012 at 9:27 pm

    Growing, groaning, griping, growling, grasping, grating, groping, grinning.



  190.  #190Turquoise on September 15, 2012 at 9:29 pm

    I didn’t see him again, but posted an ad on Craigslist in the missed connections section. Who knows… Maybe he’ll see it!

    Thank you universe for the beautiful, amazing reminder that I don’t know who or what else could be out there for me. Wow, I really needed that tonight!



  191.  #191baby steps on September 15, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    181 Memulo

    I don’t buy the busy excuse. It’s been 6 years and I know he isn’t too busy to call. He has never been that busy before….
    Thus is why I’m worried sick, not just cos if the number of days,

    There has been times when we have no contact for up to 3 weeks when either of us is out of the country for work and wifi us not available. I never fretted then cos I knew we would have no contact. This is out of the blue.



  192.  #192luzydel on September 15, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    Counting the men I’ve met from online… so far 40…



  193.  #193baby steps on September 15, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    Hi RG, I’m more than happy to repeat myself if the sirens are not sick of me :p

    My bf of 6 years stopped initiating contact with me for 3 weeks. He replies only to messages with questions in them, the answers are curt and he is always ‘busy’. It all started when i went overseas for work ( I have wifi so that shouldn’t be an issue ) I struggled for 1 week to maintain contact, then leaned back for a week. Broke down and messaged. He replied but was still curt and to the point. He is busy, there is nothing wrong. I’ve been back for a week and it’s the same issue still. He replies to messages, he is busy and tired.



  194.  #194baby steps on September 15, 2012 at 9:44 pm

    Memulo and RG, are u on the island?



  195.  #195Tereana on September 15, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    Okay, ladies – I’ve been a lean-forwardy type woman today. I actually feel a little bit pissed at vman today. He’s been practically MIA since Friday, and with no explanation. Usually, he’ll tell me even if he’s just going to use the bathroom. Plus, he accidentally invited me to have drinks with him and his friends. Not just me. The invite went to everyone. So he said. When I told him how excited I was about going, he told me to ignore it and not to come. Grrr.

    I was on the verge of going, just because. But then I realized I was being stubborn and egotistical, and really I needed to let him “drive” this and tell me no, even if I didn’t like it.

    I had the opportunity to go out last night with SYG, and I kind of wish I’d gone, but it’s okay. I was super tired last night. Now I am going out by myself, because I want to. I might tell SYG I am in town, I might not. I’m not sure yet.

    Meanwhile, I did send vman a pretty blunt email. Granted, I was a bit tipsy from drinking wine at the time, but I was honest. I owned it. I told him I was attracted to him physically, but that that was it for me. And it really is. I can’t see us having a relationship. Not a real one. He’s too inconsistent. Coming through in some ways. Utterly failing to show up in others. And maybe I making too much of a standard. Maybe I sm standing too much on ceremony. I want all this, I really do – the ring, the partnership, the family. But maybe right now, all that is too much to deal with. Maybe right now all I want to do is have fun and enjoy myself.

    It feels a bit weird – like maybe here I am, throwing myself at a guy who has treated me less than excellently, and who’s barely expressed interest in me in any real way. And he’s disappeared at a crucial juncture.

    But I can’t really explain any of this. I don’t think he’s the guy for me, so it doesn’t matter. I feel good at least, expressing my truth, with no expectations. I feel free to do what I want. And it’s okay to talk to and be desired by other men. It feels good 🙂 it is all good. All of it. Yes. Good. Good.

    🙂



  196.  #196Emerson on September 15, 2012 at 10:34 pm

    Wow luzydel! 40? I’m impressed !!!
    I feel inspired to try to count mine. Most of mine were one daters. But good practice.
    I myself feel super akward meeting guys online. I never quite got the hang of it.
    TextCD has completely poofed. I feel sad cuz he had potential. Oh well.

    I feel shy to date anyone right now. I do t feel good about myself. I put on a few pounds and I’d like to lose some!!



  197.  #197Emerson on September 15, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Baby steps, have you seen him since you’ve been back?



  198.  #198Emerson on September 15, 2012 at 10:38 pm

    I feel overwhelmed by my responsibilities. I have a new job and it’s great but I actually have 3 jobs so it’s been stressful and tricky getting to sleep at night … I’m wound up from working so many hours. That’s why I’m having problems with my weight.
    I’ve been feeling “ugly” lately. I know it’s my weight. People tell me I look fine but I don’t .



  199.  #199Emerson on September 15, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    I’m also getting a lot of messages like if I really want something I will get it. I know it sounds weird. But I have a problem. I “want” a relationship but I’m scared. So maybe I don’t REALLY want it? I’m not focused on what I want. I have so many fear blocks.how do I unblock?? It’s time for me to do that.



  200.  #200Emerson on September 15, 2012 at 10:46 pm

    Belle I enjoyed reading your post



  201.  #201baby steps on September 15, 2012 at 10:47 pm

    Emerson 197 – no, I haven’t. I did message him once, he replied immediately but the answer was busy, tired etc. I’ve been refraining from messaging again or calling. He also knows my schedule and knows I’m back.

    Are u losing or gaining weight? Hugs. Pls take care of your health.

    What do u mean by “I’m also getting a lot of messages like if I really want something I will get it.” how are the messages coming to you?



  202.  #202k2012 on September 15, 2012 at 10:50 pm

    Trust me this is definitely good advice. At least the man said up front what he wanted. He said they are “just friends”. If i wanted a relationship from a man and he told me that he was not ready to commit to anyone for whatever reason, there is NO WAY that i would keep in touch with him if i wanted something more. Absolutely NO WAY. I would run to the nearest exit. At least he was honest. If i have strong feelings for him, I wouldn’t even bother circular date with him cause i wouldn’t want my feelings to grow for him when i know he isn’t ready.

    My ex boyfriend (not the one who disappeared) but one who i ended the relationship with 20 years ago, obviously wants a friends with benefits relationship. He claims he still loves me.I dont believe him because he told me that TWICE before and i found out based on his actions that he wasnt telling the truth. He says he wants to spend the day with me so i asked him where. He said,”We can find a place.” I told him NO. He has since remarried. We got involved while he was married but after a few years, he separated and I was the only woman for quite some time. His divorce was taking so long that I had to leave him. I honestly couldnt wait any longer. We were together for a total of 10 years. I loved him. In fact we loved each other very much.

    He is telling me, no one would get hurt. I dont love him anymore. If he was single, I would probably go back to him, but I would circular date, especially bearing in mind that I just came out of a relationship with a man who disappeared on me, so anyway i take it, i have to guard my heart. But he has remarried, so he’s out. I know myself, if I ever sleep with him, I would start getting attached and because he is not available, it wouldnt make any sense. I am definitely going to concentrate on finding a new boyfriend. I am slowly getting over the recent breakup and praying to God every night to take the recent ex-boyfriend out of my system. So no friends with benefits for me. I am praying to God for a husband but of course before he reaches a husband, he has to be a boyfriend first. lol



  203.  #203Tam on September 15, 2012 at 11:46 pm

    Morning Sirens!!
    Anybody up?
    Just about to go to work.
    I think this artcle has come in the nick of time for me ladies. The more I think about it the more I believe too, that we should be grateful when a man gives us clear words.
    I had those clear words and I am not going to feel like remaining open just to hear them again actually.
    Who am I kidding?
    The man is even moving away.
    I have my speech ready thanks to Daria and I am nearly done with it and I am just not sure whether to send it now or wait till I get there.
    I am afraid staying open and seeing him will increase the attraction (for both of us), but not solve the root problem, which is that he does not feel inspired to commit to me. If he hasn’t in two years, he won’t now, and saying that a ‘friends with benefits situation would be best’ for him, well that’s probably what would happen by me staying open.
    It’s not best for me.
    He is able to commit, and he has had girlfriends in the past, so he can do it when he feels like it.
    Time I nipped it in the bud and got brave and got prepared to let him go.



  204.  #204Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 12:02 am

    Baby steps I am sorry about your situation with the boyfriend. I would feel upset too.
    I don’t know how I would handle it quite honestly …

    Regarding the message basically I’m getting that message by observing my life… I do have a faith in God and I’ve prayed for help and then focused on making it happen and it’s working out… Things beyond my control falling into place… But I don’t know how to do that with my relationship issues.
    I’m all over the place. I’m scared.
    I’ve been gaining weight. I used to smoke but now I stress eat. My work schedule is brutal so I have little time to exercise or care for myself and I I ow those are just excuses…



  205.  #205Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 12:09 am

    203 (((tam)))
    I hear you about the guy and wanting friends with bennies. No can do. That’s why I had to cut recycledCD loose and I feel tempted to think”maybe” but I know it’s no point. He’s a waste of time for me to be “friends” with. Now and then he will have surges of emotion or be really helpful and attentive but then he poofs. Fu)k that who needs it?!?!



  206.  #206Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 12:11 am

    Wow I’m really realizing I need to decide that it’s over for me and any hope with recycled so I can move on. It’s holding me back…
    Thanks tam for helping me process this …



  207.  #207Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 12:11 am

    Ugh I’m feeling sick to my stomach and heavy head…



  208.  #208Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Gnite sirens



  209.  #209k2012 on September 16, 2012 at 12:13 am

    Yes we should be grateful Tam. True, True. U are not a friends with benefits person either. I will lie in bed now and then and think of making love to him worse like how I am now single and starved for sex.(My most recent ex who disappeared on me was long distance and we were apart for 9 months and a few days after he came, he disappeared, so we didn’t do anything much. But it is NOT going to become a reality so I am keeping my distance. Another name for friends with benefits is casual sex. I can’t sleep with someone outside the context of a relationship. I told ex boyfriend of 20 years that some years ago.



  210.  #210Tam on September 16, 2012 at 12:23 am

    Yes, thanks Ladies. it is what it is.
    (((Emerson))) (((k2012)))



  211.  #211k2012 on September 16, 2012 at 12:28 am

    Many of them won’t tell us. They just disaapear whether it is a case where u are just meeting them and they are not ready to start anything or a relationship have started and the man changes his mind for whatever reason and instead of saying something to u out of common decency, they just disappear like what my recent ex did.



  212.  #212Tam on September 16, 2012 at 12:31 am

    hm, in my case the problem is that he keeps coming back no matter what I say and keeps stepping up more and more but as soon as the word relationship is even mentioned, he almost visibly flinches… I want a man who is begging me for commitment, not vice versa.



  213.  #213Smile on September 16, 2012 at 12:48 am

    Morning Tam, not sure what time you posted, you might be at work now.
    When you get back it’d feel great to hear your script. I’ve been thinking about whether to do it before you go or there which I’d feel great to share.
    I’m off for an early walk in the hills, love English countryside! Were stopping for a hot chocolate with marshmallows to warm up with.
    Then Im decorating at mums to get my room ready. After that I’ve got tea at my brothers. I love my nephew so dearly. He’s just starting to talk properly now.
    Somewhere in-between that I may think about strummingman and feel him playing with my hair again!



  214.  #214Smile on September 16, 2012 at 12:50 am

    Forest siren, thanks! Aw it would feel great to hold someone’s hand walking down the street. Rori suggests visualising a perfect relationship. I love the law of attractionI’d definitely want hand holding!



  215.  #215Tam on September 16, 2012 at 12:58 am

    Hi Smile!! On my way to work. What a lovely day you have planned!!!
    I am still not sure whether to send it now or not. I just don’t want to go and get sucked into it again, tempting as it is.
    It would perhaps feel better to set my boundaries now and if he does show up, regardless, I will be able to say ‘I have not changed my mind’, which is easier than fumbling my way through a script while he is staring at me.
    Hrmpf. I might be killing off all the progress with one email, but then again, at least he would know that I am not after taking crumbs anymore.
    I have, since I got here, sent him a no friends speech twice – and he came on stronger each time. Which is weird, but I don’t take it as a change of heart, rather that his hunting instinct was raised. Sad but true.



  216.  #216Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:10 am

    Tam, I’ve got to dash, but I’m leaning towards waiting on this one…? I’ll post when I get back and see what you think…



  217.  #217Tam on September 16, 2012 at 1:39 am

    Thanks Smile….hmmmm…the waiting. To meet him and see what he says?! Dangerous. Man-crack issue. Hrmpf.



  218.  #218Tam on September 16, 2012 at 1:50 am

    Haha, my horoscope said if I don’t voice my needs now, frustration will build up…too funny!!



  219.  #219Daria on September 16, 2012 at 1:55 am

    I’m realizing that I still have bouts of, I don’t look good enough, I should change this and that and Then men will like me…

    I want to embrace my voices and shift my beliefs



  220.  #220baby steps on September 16, 2012 at 3:32 am

    Emerson, I hope more things will fall into place for you. Do u mind sharing ur story again?



  221.  #221baby steps on September 16, 2012 at 3:34 am

    sirens, I will love to learn more about law of attraction and practice it together 🙂



  222.  #222baby steps on September 16, 2012 at 3:36 am

    Daria, will u please be my friend



  223.  #223Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 4:22 am

    Baby Steps,

    I am in the States.



  224.  #224Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 4:23 am

    Tam,

    I actually liked your initial script. Don’t know, I am not an expert on scripts.



  225.  #225Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 4:25 am

    I feel bad this morning. I feel that i am letting him do it and he pushes my boundaries more and more. Maybe CD’ing is the answer, but with respect to him if I don’t say anything and just CD behind his back in our relationship nothing will change.



  226.  #226Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 4:27 am

    Baby Steps,

    I really feel for you. Did you condiser going on a date with someone else?



  227.  #227Tam on September 16, 2012 at 4:28 am

    Thank you Memulo!:)



  228.  #228Tam on September 16, 2012 at 4:28 am

    Thank you Memulo!:)



  229.  #229Jessie1000 on September 16, 2012 at 4:28 am

    HI girls,
    Here is my news. I had a month while my little fellow went to his dad in nova scotia for his month visit. At the end of the visit, instead of following his itinerary and sending him back to me in Ontario, last week before school, he texted that he was keeping him and to go F*** myself!!! I was shocked! By that time I was already too heartsick over my little son, hes never been away from me more than 7 days and it was his first long visit….he is only 5. My sons father told me to stay in Ontario and that my son was better off with him.
    I freaked out!!!
    School was starting, he actually enrolled my son in a school near him and had me barred from the school!!! I have primary care of my little son (both my sons) since he was 3 months old when me and my sons father broke up.
    His father hardly even visited my son even though he lived only 2 blocks away….like once a week for only a few hours…he told me that he was too busy for his son with work and school.
    I flew up over the long labour day weekend, tried to get a lawyer, with like only a days notice, booked an emergency trial…..filed papers, got my older son from our home in ON and started to fight for my son.
    My sons father lied about everything in his affidavit…said he never saw his son for 2 years!! omg, he was always going to his dads, xmas, halloween, march break, summers, and tried for custody. The custody battle was looking ugly so my lawyer suggested that I just stay back in NS and then my sons father could never ask for custody since I have primary care and had it since he was a baby.

    TO take myself out of the big mess, I arranged with the university to let me do my school there, grabbed my older son and rented an apartment over the phone from a nice girl that I went to school with years ago in the old area where I wanted to live. It took hours of mediation for my sons father to even let my little son who had started a few days of school to even submit (understand i guess) that he wasnt going to be able to do anything he wanted now and that my returning to NS ended his game.

    My sons father kept telling me to stay in ON and forget my son now because they didnt need me anymore!! Oh the betrayal.
    My sons father finally had to give my son back but he had told my little guy that he wasnt going to see his mom anymore and he didnt need to because i was no good and i was going to leave him for school because i didnt care about him anyway.
    I have cried my eyes out continuously for about 7 days, but now I have my son, my older son, my primary day to day care with my son, so I put him to bed every night and take him to school, and his dad sees him every second weekend…..he had to give up his passport for access because he had falsified papers saying i had given him permission to go to lebanon with the plan that he could get there once he had custody and never return. (He really assumed that I would just do nothing and sit still while he took my son away to the middle east)
    Trust me anyone from the Middle East does not act like this…this has been my sons fathers power game since my son was born….i will steal him and give him to my mother to raise and there is nothing you can do about it once he turns 6…..i am devastated.
    Everytime I say good bye now to my son, I wonder if this is the last time that I will see him
    I am sick over the betrayal and lies where I trusted my son on a visit and then my sons father did not have any plans to return him (AND I paid for the ticket…how stupid am I)
    I feel lost now back in NS as all my stuff, belongings, posessions are in ON and I had to dry myself with a facecloth yesterday because we didnt have any towels yet.
    I hope you girls remember me, cause the one good thing about this blog, is I can visit you girls no matter where I live…..I am so sad over my friends in ON and I wish I could be back there in my school and in my home, and with my favorite towels lol
    kisses everyone
    just an update



  230.  #230Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 4:41 am

    Jessie,

    Stay strong! I know it is very hard at this time but he can’t do anything. Did you file for him to pay your court expenses?



  231.  #231Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 4:41 am

    198 – Emerson

    (((Emerson)))

    I’m a stress eater too – like it scares people how much and what kind of food I can put away.

    You are not ugly. I feel so bad for your work situation. Being so busy means you are obviously amazing at your job. People know they can trust you to get the job done. As far as your health/weight, could you find in 30 minutes a day? And do you have a cell phone with applications?

    Some great applications that I have found for health and weight loss:
    -Myfitnesspal (also on the computer) – Keeps track of calories, and other nutrition information of what you eat. Real eye opener, makes you aware of your food choices.
    -Couch to 5K (This can be done without the app I just find it easier to follow the prompt) – Walk/Jog app. I’ve lost 7 of my 10 lb goal with this app.
    -Fooducate – Scan items at the store to see the “real” nutrition information and get alternative healthier options.

    The more I talk to you ladies, the more I wish we were all in the same area so we could really help each other out.



  232.  #232Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 4:42 am

    203 – Tam – I was thinking the same thing when I read the article. Of course we ALL need to hear this but your current situation came to mind. You WILL find that man who is begging you to commit.



  233.  #233Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 4:43 am

    221- Baby steps – I would like to practice LOA too. It was weird right after reading just a little about it, I started having a random thought of asking my mom to keep her eyes open for men for me to CD. I thought about it but I forgot to ask her. Tell me why later in the day, she called and asked for my picture but wouldn’t tell me why. I pushed the subject until she told me that some lady she met told her she has two sons my age and thought we might get along. I had this in my mind and it happened that quickly. For this reason I really need to practice positivity in my thoughts and desires. I’m scared I will attract someone that falls into my old patterns.



  234.  #234Annie on September 16, 2012 at 4:52 am

    OMG Jessie. biggest hugs ever.
    TY for sharing your story.

    I don’t know how you do it.
    Suerly it is now a foresable risk that this man is a danger to his son.

    Can you insist on supervised access only because of what has happened him refusing to give him back to his mother etc?
    What does your lawyer say?



  235.  #235Vi on September 16, 2012 at 4:53 am

    Omg ((((((((Jessie)))))))))

    I feel my heart shrinking reading this, I feel angry and helpless.. I judge myself a little for feeling ‘violent’ but punching him would feel really good.. I don’t want women to feel unsafe for themselves and the children… my heart is crying…



  236.  #236Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 5:01 am

    (((Jessie)))

    You will get through this!!! My friend is going through the exact same thing. Lies and all. You are obviously already a strong woman. Your story will have a happy ending and you will be even stronger for it.



  237.  #237Butterfly Wings on September 16, 2012 at 5:01 am

    OMG Jessie! How awful for you! I would be heartbroken if either of my exes tried to “steal” either of my daughters!

    I’m so glad you got him back, although things still seem very tough for you now.

    So is there more legal stuff to go through? Will you be able to go back to ON in the future??



  238.  #238Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 5:18 am

    BW,

    May I ask if you gave TH your power speech and started acting on it when things began to change between you two?



  239.  #239Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:23 am

    Babysteps – ok I will be your friend.



  240.  #240Vi on September 16, 2012 at 5:26 am

    Caution: processing. I feel rage! I feel violent energy going through my body. I want to beat the Evil… I want Women to feel safe and happy.. and Children to feel safe and happy… do I want Men to feel safe and happy?… omg I feel unsure.. I just realized how angry I feel towards men in general… I love my anger, I love my anger. I feel judgemental for feeling angry at men .. and saying ‘Evil’ ouch.. I feel afraid. I feel scared of their power… I want to feel safe with men. I want to heal this!



  241.  #241Butterfly Wings on September 16, 2012 at 5:26 am

    238 Memulo – I totally suck at speeches, and a few times I’ve had to tell him that I want to look after me and put me first.

    My “acting” on my new power was to get out there and have fun in my life, without considering him when I made plans. I didn’t CD other guys, but I did CD my daughters, myself and my girlfriends.

    So he would invite me out but I would turn him down because I was busy and he didn’t like it one bit. I would then remind him that it was he that wanted to take the step back, not me. And I also told him that unless it was important, I would not change plans for him either.

    I have the first three weekends of October booked out. Unless he plays the birthday card (first weekend), then he will see very little of me over those weekends. He HATES that and went quiet when I mentioned I was booked. But I do know it increases my value in his eyes.

    Oh and this morning I tried to end things with him because being me, I need to have some control, so I told him all of the reasons why I didn’t think things were going to work between us.

    In response he took me to lunch and is now staying the night. Uh, that’s not what was supposed to happen!!

    Lol 😀



  242.  #242Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 5:27 am

    I actually asked him last time before I left jokingly – what is it – am I your thursday date? He asked what day it was and said you are my friday date since it’s friday morning and I see you now. If I thought about it more I wouldn’t have asked that question.

    Another thing that happened on a date is that he mentioned that since I have a kid in college (I had him very early, so I am a young mom) I can become a grandmother soon. then he said – sorry, it’s not a nice thing to say. I asked why? it is true, except he is very busy with school and I don’t see this happening soon really. I didn’t pay much attention to it on a date and he is several years older than me anyway, but later I remembered it and it feels strange to me that he said that.



  243.  #243Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:27 am

    Sirens if I haven’t answered your friend requests it’s cuz we can keep in contact thru Siren Island and I feel better on my FB w mostly people I interact with a lot (and usually grew up with in real life.)

    Thank you for your requests though, and if it’s very important to you to be my friend let me know privately and I will consider giving it a go.

    I feel self conscious that I’m ‘hood’ , an anarchist, a witch, a marijuana lover and I feel afraid to be judged an not ‘got’ me.

    I also don’t want to see a lot of stuff that triggers me .

    I don’t want to feel uncomfortable if I suddenly start posting aggressive raps or rants or something.

    I feel amused that I’m even writing this, it feels scary fir me and I’ve gone numb.

    Now a bit sad. Sigh.



  244.  #244Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 5:29 am

    bW,

    But was he trying to see less of you before? My guy is trying not to see me weekends.



  245.  #245Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:31 am

    (((((Jessie))))) wow that felt so scary to read, I feel so relieved you got your son back.

    I would breathe and get some healing and massage done so I could untraumatize myself faster. Wow



  246.  #246Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 5:34 am

    Daria,

    Thank you for sharing this, I was wondering sometimes what you were feeling/thinking when you posted various stuff. I feel you or anyone can feel safe on the blog or in real life as long as we are expressing ourselves sincerely and make other people’s lives richer and more complete with our presence. You’ve certainly helped a lot of sirens, me included. Please do express who you are on the blog, I really want to know;)



  247.  #247Butterfly Wings on September 16, 2012 at 5:41 am

    243 Memulo – he said he wanted to take a step back, and was kind of living with me at the time, so moved a lot (but not all) of his stuff back to his house.

    But I actually hear from him MORE than before, not less! And several nights a week we go to the gym together, and he takes me out on dates too.

    So things have actually improved since our “breakup” – significantly!

    Also, while I was really distraught when it first happened (I was in the midst of major depression at the time), I soon accepted it and basically went about my life in a way that Rori suggests: If he’s not in front of you, he doesn’t exist.

    So in the past, before accepting an invitation or making plans, I’d consider what he’s doing first. I no longer do that – I just make the plans.

    If he wants to see me badly enough, he knows what to do. 😉



  248.  #248Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 5:45 am

    BW,

    You weren’t thinking that in this case he can make his own plans while you are conveniently not available?



  249.  #249Butterfly Wings on September 16, 2012 at 5:51 am

    247 Memulo – Yes he can definitely make his own plans, but at the same time he knows that if he even thinks of dating another woman, it’s a dealbreaker for me and he and I will be over.

    That’s one boundary that I will not back down, and he knows it, so has never stepped over that boundary.



  250.  #250Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:53 am

    I don’t feel comfortable saying I’m a witch, im more a divine being a yes a Goddess I forgot, priestess of my divinity , voudoo woman loved by all there is, a healer lover magic maker medicine woman . Magic goddess medicine woman



  251.  #251Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 5:54 am

    BW,

    Did you ever express that boundary?



  252.  #252Belle on September 16, 2012 at 5:56 am

    Daria

    Did you get my email?



  253.  #253Butterfly Wings on September 16, 2012 at 5:59 am

    Memulo, yes I did. Right at the start. I told him that he is free to do whatever he likes, but if he wants to date other women, then I am not interested in seeing him anymore.

    He was ok with that and understands that I won’t back down from that boundary. I honestly don’t think he wants me out of his life anyway, especially based on his reaction to my attempt to end it with him today. 🙂



  254.  #254Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 6:00 am

    I think he may still be on a dating site. I didn’t check recently because it feels like I am spying and I feel downgraded when I take that road. For the same reason I did not confront him about it. Also, I know that he is extremely busy and focused on everything around his divorce process. So as long as I felt I could trust him I didn’t want to discuss it.



  255.  #255LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 6:07 am

    “and then he needs to go sow some wild oats for awhile”

    When I 1st started dating D, once he knew he ‘had’ me, he went into that ‘sowing wild oats’ phase.
    He had a mission to have a woman ‘secured’ on the shelf waiting for him while he went through that phase.

    He would put his drinking buddies 1st, and drink alot, flirt with women.
    It felt so yucky! I felt so ‘low value’.
    I don’t know how many times I left him.
    , and he would always chase me down…until I caught him with another woman.

    Last night, we were with his family, and kidding around at how his son has all the girls all over him at his new school.
    I jokingly said to him “Dad you’ll have to teach him how to manage that.”
    His sister burst out laughing and said “Yeah, with your experience you can teach him the ropes to juggle all these women, lolll”
    He instantly replied with a very serious ‘I mean it’ tone: “I don’t do that anymore. I won’t teach him.”

    That felt very reassuring.



  256.  #256Daria on September 16, 2012 at 6:12 am

    I am also a witch :). Lol. And an orthodox Christian ! Hehe

    I am so many things I am everything



  257.  #257Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 6:15 am

    (((jessie1000)))



  258.  #258LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 6:16 am

    Allthough D is not hanging around with his buddies anymore, it’s been me and his son since we started seeing each other again…I’m still not feeling ‘satisfied’ and he still seems confused about where I fit in his life.

    I was feeling so happy, peaceful and confident yesterday.
    I was very productive in getting my stuff done and taking care of myself while he was busy.
    For the 1st time in a long time, I felt ‘secure’ enough not to get the urge to call him and ask him what time we were going to meetup and where he was at.
    I was just focused on doing my own thing and making myself pretty for the evening.
    He called to ask when I was coming over to meetup so we would go see his family.
    It felt good to say “I have 1 more errand to run and I’ll bee there right after.”
    He didn’t ask for a time, so I didn’t give him one.

    It felt so good to be busy and leaning back without even trying to.



  259.  #259Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 6:17 am

    LiliBee,

    but you told him every time and left him, right? What did you do when you felt ‘out waiting on the shelf’?



  260.  #260Vi on September 16, 2012 at 6:21 am

    Daria 243 I felt all giggly reading this and thought ‘this is a high maintenance woman’ I feel inspired and excited to get to that place! 🙂



  261.  #261Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 6:22 am

    231 thanks goddess lily i will try the apps! Some days I literally don’t have 30 minutes … I have a long commute and I go from one job to the next. My days off I’m so tired.



  262.  #262Daria on September 16, 2012 at 6:34 am

    Vi – wow thanks! 🙂 i feel surprised and good!

    yay high maintenance woman

    yum indeed



  263.  #263Daria on September 16, 2012 at 6:36 am

    Belle – yes, i feel excited to listen to the meditation!

    yummie! thank you!



  264.  #264Daria on September 16, 2012 at 6:40 am

    i want to face towards healing my heart

    i’ve done some of that huge lower chakra work and am way feeling better and easier about calling my Godson for his birthday next month

    there’s more to heal for me

    i want to feel at ease and in peace doing so

    and talking to his mom whom i love so much and i have felt so triggered by and haven’t talked to since new years when she yelled threatened and accused me of sleeping with her son’s father. i consider them all my family. i felt heartbroken and also triggered i know this is also about me, boundaries, and traumas with my parents that it triggers me so.

    i imagine once im healed i could very easily say, whoa i hear you girl, no way! did that happen, i love you and i dont want to be talked to this way, it feels bad, talk to u later

    and be able to talk to her the next day easily and connect

    (rather than this 8 month of not talking and crying almost daily with huge triggers thinking of it)



  265.  #265LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 7:07 am

    When I got to feeling confident and peaceful since yesterday morning, my s3x drive came back after a couple of months absence.

    When I got to D’s house, I felt the urge to grab him and r1p his clothes off.

    He was in the garage working on fixing a tire.
    I leaned back on his motorcycle next to him.
    He asked me how I was.
    I said “I’m feeling good. I’m feeling this ovewhelming heat in my entire torso, starting from my ___ firing like a volcano climbing all the way up to my face.”

    He stood up, his neck stretched up, his eyes popped wide open and his eyebrows raised way up.
    I felt good to get his attention.

    He said “Oh really! My son is here, did you see him? He’s coming with us to see my family for once.”
    I said “Gee, we have to celebrate that… Well, my heat just went cold.”

    We had been trying forever to convince his son of coming with us to see his grandparents and godmother.
    I felt happy for D about him finally coming with us.
    But wow, did I feel disappointed.

    My s3x drive finally strongly came back after 2 months, I was climbing the walls, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
    This wasn’t D’s weekend to have his son.
    I was expecting to have him all to myself.
    I didn’t want to say anything bc we’ve been trying so hard for so long to get him to come with us.

    I don’t know how to describe how I feel about it.
    Of course his son is important.
    Of course I expect to come in 2nd behind his son.
    I feel happy that D has become a devoted father since we got back together (he wasn’t before).

    But when do ‘we’ ever get reserved special time alone together?

    His son comes and goes at a whim as he pleases.
    They never stick to the negotiated shared custody agreement anymore…they don’t stick to a schedule.
    It’s all at his son’s desire.
    He’s an only child, and D lost another child (deceased).
    So I can understand that this child is ‘king’.

    But how do I express wanting ‘my place’ without coming off as resentful or jealous?
    Without coming off as I want to come in 1st before his son, and that I don’t want to share D?



  266.  #266Daria on September 16, 2012 at 7:12 am

    im realizing im one of those ‘strong’ women in the world. like REALLY powerful.

    not in a ‘boardroom’

    but in the ‘streets’

    and also in ‘the temple’ a spirit way

    sooo i am w the same challenges

    it feels fascinating for me to meet a man that i see as more powerful than me either in a ‘street’ way or in a ‘spirit’ way

    i want to leave all that as passion and choose from the men who show up to build a reltionship with, in which im the feminine partner

    and i feel quite… conflicted?

    inside?

    like

    i also want my man to support me in these things, and also i don’t want to feel draggedown or annoyed,

    ok those aren’t givens!

    they’re just beliefs

    mffff

    actually if in the moment a man can provide for me, i’ve been able to respect that well and can just create more and more moments like that and have my relationship that way

    im feeling tight and scared in tummy!

    i can do this!

    its ok for me to be hugely powerful

    remember, no leaning forward at all, into him

    ahhh

    sigh

    if im a huge egg and he’s a tiny sperm lol i will just be here and breathe lol



  267.  #267Daria on September 16, 2012 at 7:16 am

    im feeling loved on the blog today!

    and also, all that 3rd chakra stuff about ‘being seen’ is Really showing up in the way im expressing myself, without me even trying

    ayyyyyayay

    heheheeee!



  268.  #268Daria on September 16, 2012 at 7:19 am

    i felt triggered reading about fitting into his life

    i was thinking about this the other day and worried that no man would fit ME into his life, im too shockingly amazing (and also move around a lot now – feeling sad so more belief shifting to do here)

    and then i remember Rori saying let him figure out how he will fit in YOUR life! and tha feels like sigh hee



  269.  #269Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 7:32 am

    Is it bad that I did not feel any attraction to anyone on match.com?



  270.  #270Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 7:34 am

    265 lillibee
    That feels so triggering I’m sorry! I know the son is important. It so are you.
    I feel so triggered imagining myself in this situation because with my family growing up I always felt “last in line” and struggled to have my needs met. My mom didnt care if my needs were not met as long as my dad was happy and my sister was very assertive so she always got what she needed/wanted. I understand it’s because my mom comes from an abusive background she acts that way but it’s hard for me.
    I feel triggered not being #1 in a relationship.



  271.  #271LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 7:36 am

    This issue has been brewing for 2 months now.

    When it hasn’t been work, it’s been his son.
    It seems there’s always something keeping us from any alone intimate time.

    I’ve just healed my own stuff regarding his working.
    Now this issue regarding his son came to heads yesterday.

    Not only did I get a cold shower when I got to D’s place…
    When it was time for all 3 of us to leave together, D whispered this request to me in private away from his son:
    “He wants to sit in the front seat. You’ll have to sit in the back.”
    I replied “No.”
    He replied “Yes. You’ll sit in the front on our way back.”
    I said “I feel cheap, no value, 2nd class, demoted.”
    Him: “He wants to sit in the front.”
    Me: “He’s a child, he wants alot of things.”

    I went to the car and sat in the back waiting.
    D came in and said “C’mon sit in the front.”
    Me, feeling like the child here: ” You made it clear what you want my place to be.”

    I was saying to myself though that it was a bad idea to sit in the back.
    I was giving the message that I was accepting it.
    His son came and sat in the front.
    I was also worried of giving his son a ‘low value’ of me message.
    But at the same time, if his son gets the message that I accept coming in 2nd behind him, then that feels great.
    For the 1st time ever, his son was sociable and integrated himself in the group at his grandparents’ house.
    Also for the 1st time ever, his son paid attention to me and interracted with me.
    That felt awesome!
    I know that his son finally felt he was important to me.
    I finally felt connected with his son.

    YEEEYYYY!!!



  272.  #272Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 7:38 am

    I mean I feel rage and huge anxiety over this!! If my partner seems to want to help other people that’s great but if it takes away from me I can’t handle it.
    I feel that I’ve aged a lot and I feel tired. I miss my old self. I hate talking about my relationship status with people. I’m single and 40 and yes I would like to have a baby.
    I know I’m all over the place right now sirens.
    I need someone who helps me feel secure.



  273.  #273LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 7:39 am

    But I still feel triggered about D asking me to sit in the back.



  274.  #274Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 7:42 am

    Wow I sound crazy. I sound selfish and middle aged nutso. I miss my old job (it didn’t pay the bills but was fun).
    I feel scared that my life will roll along and nothing will change as far as my relationships. Help!



  275.  #275Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 7:43 am

    273 lillibee that was so wrong of him I am sorry but that’s ridiculous !!!!



  276.  #276Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 7:44 am

    You are the adult and I feel wary of his son requesting this like he’s testing his dads boundaries …



  277.  #277Belle on September 16, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Daria
    264
    “i imagine once im healed i could very easily say, whoa i hear you girl, no way! did that happen, i love you and i dont want to be talked to this way, it feels bad, talk to u later”

    Don’t wait for you to be ‘healed’ someday to say it like this…you are bumping into your image of yourself.

    Be an actress..practice this conversation, BE that strong, healed woman who just says, “whoa i hear you girl, no way! did that happen…”

    Practice it in front of the mirror, get it in your body. You already ARE that person, get it??

    I noticed this in myself yesterday when I was riffing about the stuff my dad used to say but had a moment outside of it when I recognized, “If he said that to me now I’d just look at him crosseyed and ask him if he was out of his friggin mind and does he realize he is talking to somebody he LOVES like that?”

    So I’ve been practicing that…forget ‘healing’ someday, be healed now. You aren’t that little girl anymore (and neither am I!)



  278.  #278Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 7:46 am

    In the past I’ve made life hard for myself and I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t know why I do that.
    I’m trying to get a clear picture of what i want in a relationship and I’m having a hard time …



  279.  #279Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 7:47 am

    I’m all over the place feeling anxiety about my new job and my family dramas …..Ugh



  280.  #280ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 7:52 am

    @193 baby steps

    Thanks! Has he ever done this before? 6 years is a long time and I would imagine you would know him pretty well. Have you seen him since you’ve been back?

    No, I’m not on the island.



  281.  #281Belle on September 16, 2012 at 7:53 am

    271

    Lilibee I felt elated reading this post!
    What a way to turn it around!
    When it’s a power struggle, it’s no fun.
    When we see through the eyes of love and respect, it gets all soft focus and cooperative and yumlike.

    What I’m noticing as a reflection in your post is all of the reasons we give ourselves that feel so justified to stop feeling good. We really do try to manipulate others with our feelings!
    It was challenging as heck to write out a complaint at the store the other day…how do I get them to hear me and not put any more crap peanut sauce out in the deli if I don’t really have bad feelings about it? I can’t tell them a horror story of how awful it was and how disappointed I felt, because it wasn’t and I didn’t. It was inconvenient at most, and sort of awesome at best anyway to do something different for myself.

    Living without the drama is all new unexplored territory!



  282.  #282ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 7:55 am

    @195 Tereana

    He invited you and then said I don’t want you to come? Wow…

    I think you have a good feel for yourself and what you want and it’s ok if everything is too much for now. Do what feels right. 🙂



  283.  #283ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 8:01 am

    @201 baby steps

    I would feel worried too. You have been gone for 3 weeks and he hasn’t tried to see you? I know this is very hard to do because it’s scary, but I think leaning back is the way to go. Maybe he’s really busy like he says and it will just pass. Maybe he is rethinking things and needs some space. If that’s the case, contacting him may push him further away. He told you he’s busy, so take him at his word. Let him come to you.



  284.  #284Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 8:01 am

    Belle “living without the drama” yes!!!!
    Also why do I create reasons to not feel good?



  285.  #285Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 8:06 am

    Sirens I’m just spewing out here sorry if I don’t make sense. I feel all over the place and not centered and maybe it’s from working too much!?



  286.  #286sunshine on September 16, 2012 at 8:07 am

    I went through something similar and finally ended the friendship. Its been a month or so and even though its hard at times I know I did the right thing and feeling better. However, there’s something thats making me feel anxious and any encouragement or wise words, sympathy will feel good…
    The guy that I ended the friendship with and I have a common friend. She knows about our friendship ending. I always felt she was attracted to him because she and I have the same “type” and most of all she is very flirty and “girly” around him. I also picked up that he’s flirty around her and liked to bring her up occasionaly when he and I were friends. Anyway, now that he and I arent friends its weird that when I call her to chat and say hi, she doesnt pick up or return my calls, coincidentally has happened after he and I split. I also noticed that he “liked” some things on her facebook. Anyway I feel silly because it could be a coincidence but my stomach is tight and I feel anxious!!! could they be talking? or even dancing around the idea of a more than friendly relationship now that Im out of the picture? I cant stop thinking about it but I dont want to tell her! she wouldnt admit it regardless I feel so scared. I would feel crushed if one of my closest friends was talking to a guy that I am trying to get over, and who I want to forget. I dont want anymore bad feelings from him, and I want her loyalty omg I feel terrible and nervous. What if he is trying to seek revenge because I cut him off? i know shes told me she has felt lonely and shes not in any kind of relationship right now which feels even scarier….im super paranoid!!!



  287.  #287Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:08 am

    also i am a thief!

    i don’t believe in ‘property’ and feel reallly happy with thief spirituality



  288.  #288Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 8:09 am

    RG,

    do you really think I should act like nothing happened?



  289.  #289ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 8:11 am

    @225 Memulo

    CDing is not behind his back. He will notice and when he asks what you’ve been up to, you tell him, oh I had coffee with so and so. You’re not advertising that you are dating, but he will catch on. Don’t be secretive about it because that isn’t good either. Be authentic and honest, but he doesn’t need to know every detail.



  290.  #290Sassy on September 16, 2012 at 8:13 am

    Jessie,

    So so sorry to hear this about your son and his father.
    But in the past, on this blog, you have shown yourself to be an amazing, smart, strong siren and I know you will continue.

    Much love,



  291.  #291Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:14 am

    Belle – thanks but i feel all seized up in my body

    after i do EFT and heal i feel free and easy

    i don’t want to push myself … it won’t feel godo for me

    i’ve gone on for years not being able to ‘do’ that and i feel sweat on my skin starting right now imagining it

    it’s just too terrifiying even imagining it

    doing the EFT healing and then imagining feels like all the pressure just went away

    i don’t want to pressure myself and shock myself, my little girl doesn’t like that

    it’s like bieng scared of a little chihuaha barking, and then throwing myself in a pit of angry dogs

    i don’t want to do that

    shrug

    im not gonna do that, and i haven’t done it for almost 9 months, so i’m just gonna be gentle with myself and keep on doing my shifts and get to the place where it feels easy and lovely

    whcih im already halfway there within the last week



  292.  #292Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Annie – 122 – I don’t know if you had the chance to read my article or if anything more was said after this comment, for I haven’t read that far yet.

    Everyone judges, and I don’t think that it’s necessarily a negative thing. It can be for sure, but it doesn’t have to be. By nature of being human, we judge.

    We can also allow some compassion along with the judgements. If you look more deeply, you would likely see that anyone who causes pain, eg. rapist, abuser, etc. is in deep pain themselves.

    Knowing this helps me ease my judgments (not that they go entirely away all the time), and it also helps me not to feel hate, for harboring hate will hurt me first and foremost, but it may also spill out and hurt others. I don’t want this.

    xxoo



  293.  #293Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:19 am

    i feel triggerd and sad

    i don’t want to keep beating myself up that im not brave/strong enough to put myself out there like that yet

    i ‘can’t’ that is i Don’t want to, and i don’t want to force myself

    i feel better NOT doing it forever if i never feel good about it

    my little girl doesn’t want to, she’s terrified, and i’m not gonna ignore her just cuz i know that i want to get somewhere great

    i can take it at her pace and get there

    i will take my time to be gentle with her and keep on healing with her

    ((((Daria))))



  294.  #294ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 8:19 am

    @229 Jessie

    OMG, that is terrible! I’m so sorry you had to go through that hun. I feel very happy you got your son back. That must have been awful for you. Maybe it’s time for only supervised visits since his father cannot be trusted?



  295.  #295LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 8:21 am

    276:

    Emerson,

    His son didn’t ask.
    D ‘whispered’ to me, away from his son, saying “He wants”
    D doesn’t take responsibility for what he wants himself.
    He puts that responsibility on his son by saying that it’s his son who wants that.
    Truth is it’s D who wanted that.
    His son didn’t ask for that as he expects to sit in the back as a child always does.

    When we got back to D’s house last night, I said
    ” I was promised to be treated like a queen, that’s why I got back with you.
    I don’t feel like a queen.
    I feel cheap, I feel like a lifeless statue sitting on the shelf waiting useful only as a decoration.
    I don’t feel connected with you.
    That feels bad.
    That does not feel like a relationship to me.
    Those are the feelings that make me want to leave all the time.
    I’m leaving now, bc I want a relationship.



  296.  #296T-Girl on September 16, 2012 at 8:21 am

    OMG Jessie. What an ordeal you have been through. (((((Hugs)))))



  297.  #297Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:21 am

    personally i don’t perceive that i judge by nature of being human

    i think i judge by nature of having fallen ill to the belief of separation, right and wrong, good and bad, and judgement

    and i know my nature is non judgement, healed love

    hmmmh 🙂



  298.  #298Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:22 am

    uhoh i was defending i feel defensive, i feel tingles of fear, intensity? up my spine

    i wnat to feel at peace

    mmmf

    i feel sadness



  299.  #299Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 8:24 am

    RG,

    The truth is that you don’t have to do it with your guy.



  300.  #300Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:24 am

    I feel curious and hopeful to see Lilibee CDing…

    and Memulo, and lots of other unmarried sirens!



  301.  #301Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I feel curious and hopeful to see Lilibee CDing…

    and Memulo, and lots of other unmarried sirens!

    ack what is that about?

    im feeling sad and scared

    im feeling panicked and anxious and running around aimlessly like the ‘constrained’ femeinine energy in the little video heheeeheheheeee

    that feels funny

    i love me and its totally ok to feel everything i feel

    i give myself permission to be and feel unconstrained!

    wooo



  302.  #302Cblove on September 16, 2012 at 8:32 am

    I’m sorry this is long! This is my first comment!! I have to say that this website has helped me so much in the past few years. I was completely wrong the way I thought love was supposed to go.. It has caused me to tolerate so much pain and abuse for most of my 20s. I know now that allot of it was caused by MYSELF when pursuing them and that you can’t force love from someone. I have been in a relationship for 3 years and in the beginning he treated me so good, like no one has ever treated me before but I was nervous and backed off.. Before him I was only with guys who pretended to be friends to be with me without commitment and responsibility for my feelings. We got back together and my boyfriend is still my first real relationship. I have learned alot through our relationship together about how to love, the biggest lesson was you cant force someone to be with you, and I believe he helped me learn how to be more expressive and loving. We are still together and we see each other all the time. He takes me out and doesnt like me spending my own money. Despite all of this he doesn’t seem there emotionally. I have talked to him about his “best girlfriend” who I have not met in 3 years but they still text everyday. As much as I hate this I have gone through his phone. She talks about how she hates her boyfriend and she openly doesn’t like me. She vents to him about how unhappy she is and he gives her the sympathy and understanding that I have always wanted. She has said that I have no personality and I am not pretty. He asked her once why it was that every time he thinks of me he gets angry and every time he’s upset he thinks of her and he’s happy? He asked me to move with him next year yesterday. She actually said to him “does your girlfriend know I’m moving with you?” In a joking way. He invites me over everyday, how can I make him so angry? Why is he asking me to move if he’s so happy talking to her? Alot of times they ask each other what they are doing over the weekend, and she says she might stop by if shes not busy??? How? Im there all the time??? When I bring her up he dismisses it and just calls them friends. I feel like he doesn’t listen to me and he doesn’t understand how much it hurts me. He doesn’t talk when I try to come to a compromise or understanding and sometimes gets angry, and coming from my abusive past I let go really quick. I tried so hard to be strong and just focus on myself and it has done so much good for me. But it seems like no matter what I do she doesn’t go anywhere. She is a secret and he makes no efforts to change the situation. And I am keeping secrets by going through his phone and not telling him how much Ive seen. I am heartbroken from all the years of being treated like second best. I want to work it out but he keeps ignoring it and looking the other way. They only text so I don’t know if i am being too sensitive but the energy that they give to each other must be pulling at him.. and my self esteem.



  303.  #303Belle on September 16, 2012 at 8:41 am

    291

    Daria I hear where you are coming from.
    From here it doesn’t feel like pushing, it feels like dress-up, make-believe, tea party, having fun in front of the mirror.
    My intention was to uplift and inspire, not push against, my bad…I’m laughing and shaking my head, I crack myself up sometimes with my fails.
    (((daria)))
    (((daria’s little girl)))
    (((belle’s infinite ability end up with the exact opposite effect intended)))



  304.  #304Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 8:42 am

    295 wow lillibee!!
    You are strong! I hope it works out.
    Wow I didn’t realize it was D who really wanted that. Picturing myself in that situation I probably would have opted to stay home and not go at all after that. You still went and had a good time wow you are amazing. Dont know if I could do that.



  305.  #305ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 8:44 am

    @288 Memulo

    You already expressed your dislike in a text, right?



  306.  #306Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 8:45 am

    Belle – I loved your rant/riff/rage/splurge in #12. That was so beautiful. So heart wrenching and powerful and deep. Most people haven’t to deal with what you’ve been through. It wasn’t your fault. But it must have hurt so much to leave your son with another person at three days. that is way too soon, for you, as much as for him. I know that you’ve showed up for him in other ways. You showed up by going to school and making a life for yourself. You didn’t give him up. Your a good mama. And all the feelings that you have are showing that. I can tell. (((belle)))



  307.  #307LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 8:45 am

    I talked to D on the phone right before I hit “Submit comment” on my last post.

    I said “If me sitting in the back seat made your son feel important and wanted, and if that’s what changed his attitude into him wanting to be with us, than I feel really happy to have sit in the back.
    That’s probably what you wanted to accomplish.
    But I still feel triggered, I still feel unimportant to you.
    There is always something or someone more important.
    Every time an issue that’s keeping you from me is resolved, it is replaced by something else.”

    He said “I have to finish polishing the car, I’ll call you when I’m finished. It’s still early in the day, I’ll have time to be with you. I’ll call you as soon as I’m finished, we can do something together.”

    I replied “I won’t always be here waiting.”



  308.  #308ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 8:48 am

    @299 Memulo

    I’m confused. I don’t have to do what with my guy?



  309.  #309Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:49 am

    (((Belle))))

    thank babe. i hear you. and actually i’ve been practicing.

    thats an awesome way of healing… i want a practice partner, do you have Skype? if so maybe you can help me if you want to, email me and we can connect on it

    im still getting all shooke up and nauseaus and thrown off trying it in my head by myself. but WAYYY less than before the EFT.

    i have this trauma of ‘having to’ show up to ‘talk’ to my parents, knowing im gonna be beaten

    so of course i don’t want to

    ((((Daria))))

    it would feel great to have someone to practice scripting this with



  310.  #310Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:51 am

    also i feel sad and really relate to having the exact opposite effect of intended

    🙁

    and also happy to relate and kinda curious and marvely hearing that coming from outside of me

    i feel Loved and connected and loving

    ((((Belle))))

    ((((Daria))))



  311.  #311ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 8:51 am

    (((Lilibee)))

    Does his response mean he would rather discuss in person?



  312.  #312Daria on September 16, 2012 at 8:52 am

    i feel trust!

    i feel ‘best friend’ feelings!

    i feel afraid and ashamed!

    i feel happy and laughy!

    i feel curious and nervous!



  313.  #313baby steps on September 16, 2012 at 8:53 am

    Memulo 226 – I haven’t considered CDing with a guy cos I don’t have any suitors. I also dont feel ‘right’ seeing anither guy right now. I’m playing to CD with gfs. Went out 2x with them this week.

    I would be really curious if a guy sees me only on a weekday. Does he call you during the weekends?



  314.  #314Brandylion on September 16, 2012 at 8:54 am

    Okay Sirens, I need help crafting a feeling message.

    I agreed to meet a man on Tuesday. He is one to whom I’d already expressed that I prefer weekend dates; he didn’t poof after all. He wasn’t available this weekend and the next weekend I will be in town is the 29th-30th–and it seems ridiculous to schedule a date two weeks in advance, especially with someone I have no interest in carrying on an email conversation with for that long–so I told him I’d go ahead and fit him in. He suggested that, because I sound very busy, we just meet for coffee. The place he suggested is a 20 minute drive away from home if there is no traffic.

    I have to stay at school until 4 and I have a half-hour drive home, and then I need to walk my dog, so the earliest I could meet him is 5:30. I need to run that night, and a 3-mile run plus stretch and shower takes me about an hour. I’d also rather not run on a full stomach. Or, if he’s willing to come out close to my school, I could meet him at a coffee shop there.

    How do I convey to him in a soft, feminine way, that if I am going to fit in a date on a school night, it needs to be for dinner? Or, how do I convey that it it needs to be somewhere close to school or close to home?



  315.  #315baby steps on September 16, 2012 at 8:56 am

    RG – no calls, not answering my one call, messages in reply to me with variations of busy. In the time we have been together, he has never been this busy.

    It really doesn’t take much time to type an endearment in a message nor call.



  316.  #316baby steps on September 16, 2012 at 9:00 am

    233 goddess lily 🙂 let’s practice positive vibes and loa together.

    The universe delivered to you really quickly!



  317.  #317ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 9:00 am

    I feel blah today. Didn’t sleep very well. I had a dream that my friend who died came to see me last night. We weren’t close enough for that to be true.

    He ran into my bedroom and laid next to me in bed. I was scared and I told him, no, he had to leave. He told me it was ok. He was all chipper and smiling like usual. I asked him what happened and why. He talked about having a father who didn’t love him. (I have no idea anything about his father). Then, I asked why he didn’t talk to someone and get some help. He said, there’s no need to burden anyone with my idiosyncrisies. Then, he smiled and left.

    I woke up thinking, this dream is coming from my mind, why on earth did he use the word idiosyncrisies? I never use that word in my vocabulary. It all felt very real.



  318.  #318Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 9:05 am

    Jessie – wow! What a harrowing story! I can’t even believe you’ve had to go through all that. You are one very strong woman. And I also can’t believe that your son’s dad still gets to visit him after all that. I know that it’s good for kids to have both parents in the picture. But when one is literally trying to steal/kidnap the child, that just doesn’t seem healthy. It sounds to me almost like a restraining order might be more appropriate. But then, I am not in your situation. I don’t know all the details. But obviously, you don’t trust the guy, because you can’t. If not a restraining order, then at least chaperoned visitations. Seems to me the dad should not be alone with your son for a second. Your poor little guy! 🙁



  319.  #319ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 9:05 am

    @314 baby steps

    Yes, I agree, and I said those same words before. It’s takes 2 seconds to send a text.

    I think the best action is to do for you, lean back and let him come to you. Yes, there is a risk that he won’t, but then, in the end, that could be what is best for you. Or, he may step up and make you feel important to him.

    I’m sorry you are going through this. This is nothing like yours in relation to time, but I dated a guy who was very busy and things just weren’t going right for him. The more I tried to talk to him after he said how busy he was, the more I pushed him away.



  320.  #320Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Actually Daria in re 297, I agree with you. We are not by nature anything but pure love. The rest we learn.

    So I want to rephrase what I wrote. I already did.

    xxoo



  321.  #321Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 9:36 am

    RG,

    Yes I expressed it in text that I wasn’t happy. But if I continue not to act on it who will pay attention to my words?



  322.  #322Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 9:39 am

    RG – that is a cool dream. I love those 🙂

    And yeah, it was super awkward when I talked to vman the other day. But then, he said it was awkward for him, too. I chose to believe him, even though it felt bad in the moment.

    But speaking of dreams, one thing that’s come up is that I had a really intense rape dream the other night. It came out of nowhere and it was really scary.

    In the morning, we talked about it. And it was really hard to say what I had dreamed. It felt so powerful and real, like more than a dream. But then he kept telling me that dreams are not real, it’s just firing neurons, and not to worry about it. I know he was trying to comfort me, but instead it felt dismissive, and I got annoyed. The dream was so intense I cried for a full 15 minutes after I woke up.

    So that was the beginning of the awkwardness for us. He texted me later that day. And he checked on with me on Friday. But overall, it feels that he has abandoned me.

    Once again, when I am in a place that feels so difficult to me, and I could just use a kind word of support, or a check-in, or an “are you ok?” nothing.

    It’s like this dark place that he just can’t face, accept, or even acknowledge. And it’s the one place in me that I feels needs real acceptance in order for me to be fully “present.”

    Maybe this is a sign that *i* haven’t fully accepted this part of me. But I also don’t know what it is I am supposed to accept. Was I violated? Was I abused? How can I accept what I can’t and don’t remember?

    The only people who support me and validate me in this are women – and especially women who have been abused themselves. That feels good. It feels like a beginning.

    I would love for a man to be able to accept this.

    But maybe that’s not something any man can do. Even – or especially a man who cares about me. Because he needs and wants me to be happy. But there is something there that is not happy. And I don’t even know what it is.

    I feel sad and alone 🙁



  323.  #323Daria on September 16, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Brandylion – “oh i feel excited to meet you… im feeling busy but im def available to meet at {location} in the evening at { times} . what do you think?”



  324.  #324MissStix on September 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

    Fought with Jay last night after my aunts party. Packed up my stuff to go. after I was done he asked me to stay, and I was exhausted so I did. Had a serious talk this morning about…Everything. Goals, don’t wants etc etc. I’m too tired to get into it I guess. But it’s all up in the air. The one thing I know for sure is, I am moving all my stuff back home.



  325.  #325Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 9:40 am

    RG,

    Sorry, I meant that you don’t have to CD with your guy.



  326.  #326Daria on September 16, 2012 at 9:43 am

    ((((Dominque)))) do butterflies have hearts? im thinking of them for you



  327.  #327Belle on September 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Daria

    I feel giggly and champagne bubbly and all full of dark sparkles like when the red tide comes in at night 🙂

    I do have Skype and would love to play!
    Email me and we’ll set up something.



  328.  #328Daria on September 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

    (((((Miss Stix)))))



  329.  #329Daria on September 16, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Belle – yay!!!! thanks!!!!



  330.  #330Daria on September 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

    Receiving girl – when my friends have died, they have often came and talked to me very powerfully. sometimes my friends and i saw them all at the same time.

    one of my friends actually came and had SEX with me after he died. lol

    i love him.

    he’s been my close spirit friend ever since



  331.  #331Daria on September 16, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Babysteps – it sounds like there may be someone else. this doesn’t sound ok. id take care of myself big time, if possible do something dramatically awesome so that i can really take a big step away and out into my passions. maybe take a trip, enroll in a thrilling new class, change my hair do drastically, or even go out on a date.



  332.  #332Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Baby Steps,

    We did go to a beach last Sunday, just in the evening he wasn’t available. On Sat nights he is now not available because he is exhausted and stressed out after his day with the child.



  333.  #333Belle on September 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

    322

    Tereana

    I feel gratitude, compassion and validation. Thank you for your response. I also feel humility, which feels like a big dark expansive space in my torso.

    I’m almost even believing that everything in the whole history of the universe and every bad thing that ever happened isn’t personally my fault 🙂
    It’s also good to see that it is possible to feel good about my choices and forgive myself for being so…HUMAN!

    As for your dream…if it were my dream I would wonder, “Where am I violating my boundaries and ‘raping’ myself in waking life?”
    I would also probably dialogue with the ‘rapist’ and ask him what he wants, what he needs, and what feelings he will get by having his needs met. Then turn myself into a magical elixir with the essence of all of those feelings and feed myself to him.



  334.  #334Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Baby Steps,

    I feel so sorry, but I agree with Daria. Can you do something for yourself, anything. I don’t think that if a man is avoiding you we should try to reach out to him.



  335.  #335LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 10:02 am

    311:

    RG,

    I take his response only as he will do the strict minimum to keep me around.
    Not that he doesn’t really want me, or that I’m not the one.
    He told everyone in his family, while I was not there, that I was the one for him, and that he didn’t want anyone else.

    He may simply not be able to do ‘intimacy’ or ‘real relationship’.



  336.  #336Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 10:04 am

    (((Lilibee))) I know exactly the feeling…



  337.  #337Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 10:05 am

    I don’t know Daria, but the way I prefer to look at this is that all living creatures have “hearts” and feelings, and they all fill me up in some way. Even the “ugly” creatures are beautiful. It feels sad that butterflies only live two weeks or so, yet this is all they know, so I suppose it doesn’t feel sad to them.

    Thank you for sending me some. 🙂

    xxoo



  338.  #338Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Lilibee,

    Take it from me and my similar experience, his son will ALWAYS have first place, he will always try to put his son first, and I believe this is because they feel guilty about the separation. It is something that you would have to accept with love for this to work.



  339.  #339Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Memulo @332,

    I am wondering if he somehow he thinks he has to continuously ‘entertain’ you and go out and spend money on you for you to be together. Do you sometimes spend time just at home relaxing together and doing nothing?



  340.  #340LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 10:09 am

    315:

    Baby steps,

    I’m where you are alot.

    When I lean way back and disappear off his radar, he panics and reaches out.

    Right now, I’m trying to keep myself busy focusing on myself.
    I am getting my own stuff done here at home for me.
    I haven’t felt motivated to do so in a long time.
    This motivation feels great 🙂

    It feels so good to be focused on me.



  341.  #341Sassy on September 16, 2012 at 10:13 am

    Rebecca?
    Ruth?
    Starla?
    Where are y’all?????



  342.  #342Sassy on September 16, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Lillibee

    It sounds like you want to be his top priority, but are just not in that spot.
    What do you think?



  343.  #343LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 10:15 am

    338:

    I know I have to accept that SA.

    It feels great that he includes me in all his weekend plans, even with his son.
    I felt happy that we were all 3 together yesterday, and he finally came to visit the family.

    I still need intimacy throughout all this.
    Not one night since vacation 3 weeks ago.
    And on vacation, he wasn’t ‘present’ in the moment, his mind was off in his own world.
    He wasn’t there with me.



  344.  #344Sassy on September 16, 2012 at 10:17 am

    ((((miss stix))))



  345.  #345Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 10:21 am

    SA,

    This is exactly what I suggested we do on Sat night. I said I can cook dinner, you will come over, we will relax and sit by TV. He first said: we can do that. Then after I left and texted that I feel excluded with respect to the holidays he said his arrangement with the child is very stressful. Then he just disappeared. I actually thought about cooking dinner last night but then didn’t.



  346.  #346Sassy on September 16, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Cblove,

    Welcome!

    This sounds like an imaginary relationship. Lean back and take care of you. I’m sure you’ve read this many times here, and I know it feels different when it comes down to your own situation, but if he wants to be with you, you will have to set the boundary with him regarding his “friend”.



  347.  #347Tam on September 16, 2012 at 10:25 am

    (((( Miss Stix))))



  348.  #348Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 10:26 am

    LiliBee,

    Maybe it’s my self- esteem but I would actually take the back seat without an extra thought , happy fort two of them to be together and I wouldn’t think of the child as spoiled or wanting too much. I would think it’s his right to be as close to his father as possible and may have volunteered even to sit in the back.



  349.  #349Brandylion on September 16, 2012 at 10:27 am

    But Daria, isn’t suggesting a place and time being in masculine energy?



  350.  #350Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 10:29 am

    SA,

    I was wondering when we can get to the point that we just come home to each other and do nothing. Do you remember how/when it started happening for you?



  351.  #351Brandylion on September 16, 2012 at 10:36 am

    I want to go back and find that ideal partner visualization that Rori posted back in June or July and do it. But I’ve realized something–I have no idea how it feels to feel really, truly LOVED by another person, and wasn’t calling up that feeling part of the visualization?

    For those of you who do know how that feels, how does it compare to feeling loved by yourself? I know I don’t love myself and rarely feel good about me anymore (maybe once or twice a day, if that), but I can at least call up those moments when I do to get an idea of how it feels to be loved by another if it’s at all similar…



  352.  #352Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I just bawled my eyes out to my aunt who told me there are very few good men out there at my age. She did not mean to hurt me but it felt awful to hear it. She is old fashioned and that is her belief and I don’t have to accept it.
    Still feeling teary and choking in my throat. My head feels spinny.



  353.  #353Daria on September 16, 2012 at 10:46 am

    whoa… tapping on heart chakra and this is some deep sh(t

    if we were all that hard we wouldn’t be running from the police at all. or lying.

    but we’re not, and it feels shaking of self esteem so we take it out on each other

    and show each other how powerful we are

    to heal our self from this trauma

    of betraying ourselves and our belief in safety

    cuz it doesn’t feel safe

    and it’s ok to get out the way of a crazy violent person acting out in pain

    .

    im gonna run some more tapping rounds

    my mind feels kinda sploshing around unsettled



  354.  #354Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Actually, in a weird way, it’s been almost a welcome relief not to hear south from vman for a few days. There’s been a lot, and it’s been really intense. I don’t know why he does it. But if he always abandons me at this crucial juncture, then his could I ever enter a real, actual relationship with him? Before, when we were actually dating, he promised he would “be there” when it came up for me. And he wasn’t. Not onlu that, he left me exactly then.

    I think that that is all I need to know, when evaluating his character.

    The only reason my attraction for him has become purely physical is that I have no more emotional attraction for him. Which means, I really don’t want him at all.

    I don’t need to throw myself at him. I need to run – run, run, run. As far and as fast as I can in another direction.

    Thank goodness I decided to go out last night and do something fun. I had 3 CDs in one night! First, I skyped with CB (Chicago boy). Then I went out to a show, where a cool, cute guy started talking to me. He invited me to hang out with his friends, and bought me a drink. Then I went and spent the night with SYG, because he lived near the place, and he invited me to stay.

    I think Siren Tereana has plenty of options, and men everywhere appreciate me and see my value. Just because this one guy is a blinking idiot doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with me. Lol. I am so totally okay : )



  355.  #355sunshine on September 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

    302 Cblove hi! I read your post and wanted to tell you I can relate to your situation and that feeling of suspicion between your guy and the girl. I even felt angry thinking about them…I feel angry when I think of guys who juggle amongst women even if its just in their thoughts. Anyway, keep practicing feeling messages and embracing all your feelings I hope you find encouragement in roris posts:) Rori would say to circular date, that could mean everything from dating other men or if thats too much right now even just dating yourself, finding passion and activities you enjoy, making new friends, and pampering:) For me right now I have taken a total break from dating until i feel ready again, so Im focusing on school, and eating healthier, etc.



  356.  #356Daria on September 16, 2012 at 10:47 am

    Brandylion – no that’s not part of it. Just visualize what you would want.

    I didn’t know at first either, so i just stole Rori’s ideas of what she wanted. lol 🙂



  357.  #357Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 10:48 am

    South = “so much”

    Phone typing…



  358.  #358Daria on September 16, 2012 at 10:48 am

    Brandylion – no, this is not suggesting, this is giving your availability.



  359.  #359Daria on September 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

    if you had more availability then that, then yes it woudl be suggesting. But here you’re just saying when you’re free (and where you feel comfortable to meet for a first time)



  360.  #360Tam on September 16, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Hm. Brandylion. You made me think. The last time I really felt loved was when a man who never cooks, lovingly and with detail to attention made a meal for me. The food was ‘adventurous’ but it oozed with love.
    Oh yeah, and when I got my head stroked and was held like a baby all night, no sex, that felt like pure love….
    I don’t think about when I love myself, but
    quite often after a run, when I had a shower and feel good and see my toned little body – I think ‘yeah, you’re kind of alright girly’ 😉



  361.  #361Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 10:53 am

    Brandylion, 351 – I’m not sure I know the answer myself, but how do you imagine it would feel?



  362.  #362Daria on September 16, 2012 at 10:54 am

    Dominique – hehe yes i feel quite certain they have FEELINGS hehe 🙂 lol. even rocks and thoughts and clouds and computers have feelings 🙂

    I love you my computer Goddess best friend!

    i am feeling curious still if butterflies had a they have a physical heart congregation, either way, it would feel fun to draw them some



  363.  #363Daria on September 16, 2012 at 10:55 am

    hey that means “governement’ has feelings! and even “wars” have feelings awwww

    ((((government))))

    (((war)))

    ouch i feel your pain Goddesses!!!

    itd feel great to have some divine healing to all of us

    i feel open to it and to our transformation!



  364.  #364Brandylion on September 16, 2012 at 10:57 am

    And also, Sirens:

    I have it in my budget to purchase another of Rori’s programs. I am leaning toward Love Scripts for Dating. I already have Modern Siren and Targeting Mr. Right, and Heart Connection Tool Kit will be delivered tomorrow (a belated graduation present to me for finishing my master’s this summer–my diploma arrived on Friday!!).

    If not Love Scripts, would you recommend Commitment Blueprint or Reconnect Your Relationship? For those of you who have them, which have you found most beneficial?



  365.  #365Tam on September 16, 2012 at 10:59 am

    I feel stronger today.
    I want relationship.
    I don’t want dilly dallying and fwb. At all.
    I am high value…so it’s all about what the man brings to the table.
    Right now I don’t feel to waste time on perfecting my script… I have better things to do. We will see what I feel like when he contacts me. I get to choose what to do, and what feels good to me.
    I feel a little shift. Aaah.



  366.  #366ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 11:14 am

    @321 Tereana

    That is an awful dream to have. I’ve had scary dreams before, but I usually wake up before anything bad happens. I would be freaked out by that too!



  367.  #367ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 11:17 am

    @321 Memulo

    I understand where you are coming from, but if you keep repeating yourself…what will that be like? Will it get you any further?



  368.  #368ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 11:28 am

    @325 Memulo

    Right now, I don’t feel I have to. I feel he is all about being with me, pleasing me, taking care of me, etc. But, does that mean I shouldn’t? I’m sure many sirens here would say I should. Between work, school, spending time with Mr. Observant and taking care of my house and yard, I don’t have much time at all. I signed up for this art business e-course that starts today. I’m excited about that. I’ve been feeling really stressed about everything being so much…overwhelmed with life at the moment.

    However, I don’t know what the future holds. I hope this weekend went off without a hitch for him with the kids. I hope when Jabber picks them up today, it is uneventful. I do have a feeling she’s being overly nice for a reason. That reason may be to get him back and stop the divorce. I don’t believe he would ever agree to do that, but there is always that chance and until it’s final, it will be there and that would be his decision to make.

    Yesterday, I text him about the death and he was in shock too. He said, We need to live every day like it’s our last. He didn’t text me goodnight, which he always does (except for once or twice when he fell asleep), so my insecurities are creeping up on me a little.



  369.  #369ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 11:31 am

    @330 Daria

    That is nice. It’s nice to experience that after death, but it also scares me. So, you don’t think it’s just your own imagination and that they are actually there in spirit?



  370.  #370ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 11:37 am

    @335 Lilibee

    I guess I don’t understand, if he believes you’re his one, then why only put in the minimum? Why not go all out, so that these issues don’t arise? Wouldn’t that be easier? Or maybe he enjoys the issues?



  371.  #371Femininewoman on September 16, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    LiliBee my thinking is “it is just a seat”. Why equate your value with it or create thinking around it that is negative? It meant something to the child that created a change in his behavior. Does it mean that you being triggered is relative to your emotional maturity being at the same level as the child’s?

    I am struggling to see this as bad behavior on D’s part. Maybe just sharing what memory sitting in the back seat brought back up for you and let him know what you will choose to do next time.

    It just feels sad to me to be equating it with not being treated like a Queen. Also wouldn’t the Queen be seated in the backseat of a chaffeur driven vehicle? I am wondering if these experiences can be turned around and be given a positive spin, even after noticing how you feel. Like making up a playful story. I feel like I am demoted from first place being asked to sit in the back seat but I will just pretend that I am royalty being chauffeur driven. I don’t think there is anything wrong with looking for the bright side and making up stories.



  372.  #372Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Omg he texted me that he just woke up. What do I say? I went alone to check out art galleries



  373.  #373Femininewoman on September 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    RE 307 LiliBee that was just him telling you he can’t focus on two things at the same time. Timing is important with men. These types of things tell us cdating is important because it takes the pressure off the guys. Him wanting to finish his car has nothing to do with how he feels about you or whether he thought the conversation is not important. This is not a new guy or new relationship so I don’t believe it is reasonable to expect that he is going to drop everything to run at your every beck and call.



  374.  #374Femininewoman on September 16, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    Did he ask you anything?



  375.  #375Smile on September 16, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Hi Tam, so I was thinking not to send anything before you go. It feels this situation is using up a lot of your energy. I love what you wrote in post 365, this is exactly my reasons why. I would maybe put him on the back of your horse and make your move to Florida about you! Therefore not getting sucked in on mancrack…
    Also from what I have experienced in the last few days, giving the no friends speech feels better for me done in the presence of the other person rather than via email. You never know where he is or what mood he is in when he opens the email. I believe the no friends speech is best said in the ‘moment’ when it’s an appropriate time. If it arises.
    What do you feel about this?



  376.  #376Femininewoman on September 16, 2012 at 12:13 pm

    How about how alive and vibrant you feel out in the beautiful weather and enjoying the exhibits.



  377.  #377Cblove on September 16, 2012 at 12:17 pm

    Sassy and Sunshine,

    Thank you so much for responding. It has been very difficult for me lately. I am trying to practice CD with myself. I know I would not be able to date other people at this point. I have been practicing feeling messages as well and it has been working! When I talk about how I feel about their friendship, instead of being defensive, he lets me say what I need to say without being angry! BUT I still dont think he agrees with me. I know I will need to set a boundry in order for us to move forward. I am also thinking that maybe I just need to be by myself and work on myself and let him do what he wants to do. It would hurt alot to have to break it off with him. I also need to think about whether I can trust him long term regardless of this current “friend.” He talks alot about his trust issues but doesnt seem to be too concerned about mine..

    I just want to feel safe, sexy, loved, adored, special, cared for. I guess ill have to start with me..



  378.  #378Femininewoman on September 16, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    Cblove yes it starts with you. A few articles ago Rori posted her affirmations that included some of those. Since I started saying them to myself “I feel sexual, sensual, successful and satisfied” I find I truly feel more and more like that each day.



  379.  #379LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    371:

    Yes, I agree FW.

    I got to the better feeling thoughts, and did come to feeling positive about his working, about his cars, about his son, about the backseat.
    All of these individual things and events.

    But overall, when has he reserved or planned special time alone with me?



  380.  #380Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Receiving Girl – i trust my ‘imagination’ but yes i think its also real, because i’ve seen the same thing as other people.

    One time my godson’s mom and i were chillinin her room, and all of a sudden it felt like BAM and i looked in the doorway and i saw Ronnie there, in outline. It was him! and also i felt kinda like a gong struck or something like in a movie, just this feeling of shock went all thru me

    i looked at her, and her eyes were wide and she looked in shock.

    so i ask her, did you see something ?

    and shes nodding and shes like uhuh

    and im like, me too. waht did you see?

    shes like … i saw Ronnie there.

    and im like…

    yeah me too.

    and i feel chills just typing this.

    Theres was another similar moment when my grandma died, so those were my first times it was ‘confirmed’ that it translated into this reality.

    now i usually trust my ‘imagination’ and intuition whcih is pretty much what dealing with spirit world is like.



  381.  #381Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    Annie – I am SO feeling you at the moment in re having words being selectively read and then misinterpreted.

    Hugs to you. Hugs to me. sigh

    xxoo



  382.  #382Tam on September 16, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    Smile, I feel quite touched that you thought about my situation and wrote so much 🙂

    You know, I actually agree with you. It is more my fear that wants to lay down the rules before I get there. For the man-crack reason. I know him. He will most likely be on my case and I wanted to make sure I don’t waste more time getting hung up, rather than CDing and enjoying the move and making it about me.

    It’s tough but I am going to let it rest and lean back for now. And focus on me. I have a tough week ahead with doctors/dentist app. and that takes all my energy.
    I feel like keeping my energy for me and my issues and therefore am inclined to wait, depending…

    But yes, you are right with your analysis and I would advise someone in my situation the same.

    Tempting to get closure but I shall resist!

    Thank you 🙂



  383.  #383Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:34 pm

    oh wow i tapped and tapped with the Margaret Lynch video for the 4th chakra, changing to my own words, repeated, till all i got to where she says seein i was doin what i could at the time, always intending well and – i feel giiggly righ tnow – and then i started whimpering and i guess for me thats’ compassion as she says and i feel sooo relieved ohhhhhhhhh mmmmfffffffff
    wweeeeeee

    and now im gonna do the second part the “positive’ tapping weeeeeeeee i feel so excited

    weeeeeeeeeeeeee



  384.  #384Tam on September 16, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    You know, having this fight with my Dad has made me stronger too. I am just fed up with not getting the respect I deserve, generally.
    I know it’s because I did nor respect myself, so I am an easy target.
    I feel angry and sad that *anyone* would even ask such an amazing little goddess like me to be a friends with benefits.
    I deserve guts tripping up over each other throwing rings at me…while I choose the best one.
    I am fed up with accepting less and somehow wishing it magically turns into more.
    If he loses me, too bad for him. He can’t find anyone better than me anyway. That is my belief. And my belief is that he knows it, hence he wouldn’t keep coming back – up to him to catch me, I am moving fast. So
    whatever. 🙂
    Back on my horse after a few strange days.



  385.  #385Tam on September 16, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    Haha… ‘guys’ not guts….phone posting



  386.  #386Smile on September 16, 2012 at 12:48 pm

    Cblove, Rori has a section on the blog about other women in his life, some of these might be of use to your situation.



  387.  #387Annie on September 16, 2012 at 12:49 pm

    381: Dominique says:

    “Annie – I am SO feeling you at the moment in re having words being selectively read and then misinterpreted.

    Hugs to you. Hugs to me. sigh

    xxoo”

    In what way Dominique? hugs back.
    I hope it wasn’t me.
    I don’t want to do that to anyone else.



  388.  #388Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:50 pm

    YAY TAM! i feel happy and excited for you reading that!



  389.  #389Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 12:51 pm

    @365 Yay Tam!!!



  390.  #390Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:52 pm

    (((((Dominque)))))



  391.  #391Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I called, he didn’t pick up, I texted asking to call me back. That was half sn hour avo



  392.  #392Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    (((Annie)))



  393.  #393Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    Oh no, Annie, not you or anyone else here. It’s over on a very old four year old thread, a piece I wrote for Rori.

    xxoo



  394.  #394Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    (((((Me)))))



  395.  #395Smile on September 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    384 go tam! You deserve the best!!

    Being vunerable is my new found skill, saying how I feel in the moment.

    My confidence around this has increased 10 fold by practising in my mind and in the mirror a lot. I use to feel email and text was easier to send them but now I realise how important body language etc is to the situation that you just don’t get via text/email.

    The hardest part is being willing to walk away if they don’t step up, this is where practising no expectations and cdating comes in so you don’t get too disappointed.



  396.  #396Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    ((((Sirens))))



  397.  #397ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    @380 Daria

    That is really interesting and I got chills just reading it!



  398.  #398Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Any ideas for free/cheap circular dates to do by myself???

    I’m really good at spending money and if I had a lot of disposable income I would be taking myself for spa treatments and getting my hair done and I would have a ball with that. I wouldn’t even mind going to dinner alone, BUT money is tight right now and I would prefer not to go into debt dating myself.

    Any ideas???



  399.  #399Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 12:55 pm

    Thank you Daria. 🙂

    Big hugs to you too. ((((((Daria)))))



  400.  #400Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:56 pm

    Oh Memulo, I feel so glad you’re at least here in this healing place with access to Rori’s wisdom and support from us…

    mmmmmmm so healing and lovely …. you are going to embark on an amazing journey once you start practicing these tools… and I recall you have already started practicing some, indeed I’ve seen some feeling messages, and leaning back, but i feel so excited to see you really step into CDing and leaning back even in thoughts…



  401.  #401Daria on September 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    and i made a sexual comment on my social page, and no name CD who became my lover before I came to romania a month ago, made a comment about great sex comes from great love 😉

    aww i feel good and now

    im kinda thinking about it and ‘what it means’ lol and i feel amused and

    i want to lean back still in my thoughts hehehehehehee

    at least its a feel good thing, it’s triggering my fears that he won’t be able to keep up with me as i travel

    ahhhh

    i just shifted my belief that the men i date won’t be able to keep up with me as i travel

    wwooooh

    i feel so excited



  402.  #402Smile on September 16, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    Memulo, 391, Do you think maybe the call was enough? I feel a little whirring in my tummy reading this.



  403.  #403Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    Leaning back in my thoughts feels peaceful and quiet



  404.  #404Daria on September 16, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    Receiving Girl – cool ! i feel smily it was interesting hehe… and i feel intrigued that i had chills too when i wrote it!

    your story of how your friend connected with you really reminded me of how spirits usually talk to me, so if it was me i feel pretty confident to say it was for real

    if you said he came and did weird stuff, id have felt mistrustful and less inclined to believe it was his spirit



  405.  #405Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Dominique, since I’ve started focusing on my feelings more, my body feels more sensitive to everything.

    Some of it feels nice to be aware of but other sensitive feelings are more like having sensitive teeth and it hurts my body. Like today I was newly aware of the vibrations from my car steering wheel, it doesn’t vibrate much but I felt it for the first time. Also I’m more sensitive to noise recently.

    Hmm I wonder if other people have noticed this happening or if it’s not linked? I feel curious?



  406.  #406Daria on September 16, 2012 at 1:07 pm

    Goddess Lily – oh yes!

    I take myself to Barnes and Noble and read…

    walks in the park

    oh the loveliest was taking the bus to San Francisco alone, then getting out and walking around in Union Square…

    when i get back to the bay I want to take a bus trip to Marin to the Redwood Trees and smoke mj and meditate in the redwoods

    i want some more ideas too!

    free shows?

    like poetry/live music cafes?

    mmm tailgating at sports games pre game? (and leaving before game lol or sneaking in or scoring free tickets hehe) – ack feels scary

    going to a free bar/dance club and just getting lemon water and chillin



  407.  #407Daria on September 16, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Smile – yes! i have!



  408.  #408Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 1:10 pm

    @302 Cblove,

    That feels the worst. I did that back in college….went through the bf’s phone. Turns out he was venting to his ex about me, having a good time laughing at my expense. To this day, no matter how much I want to know, I do not go through any man’s phone. I figure lies will come to light in due time if there are any. DO NOT move in with him or move with him anywhere. Lean WAAAYYY back. I don’t mean to be harsh but it sounds like you are one of two, and certainly not priority. It really doesn’t matter WHY he keeps you around or wants to move with you. Don’t analyze that, you’ll just make yourself crazy. What matters is that you are not happy. It feels like you are accepting crumbs from him. Take a breather from him for a while. I feel angry thinking about him talking about you like that.



  409.  #409Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    Smile,
    I texted instead of leaving a VM.



  410.  #410Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    @406 Thank you Daria!



  411.  #411ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    @404 Daria

    That’s nice to read…it definitely was not weird 🙂



  412.  #412ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 1:16 pm

    I’ve been fighting negative feelings all day today and keep trying to bring myself back to the positive. Why can’t I stop to begin with?



  413.  #413Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Daria, I’m sure this should feel a good thing, being more aware of my feelings more. But sometimes it hurts my body.

    I want heightened awareness of good feelings and and sensations in my body.



  414.  #414Belle on September 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Receiving Girl
    412

    Your post reminded me of this one by Rori:

    Have you ever felt like your heart was just – lumpy, heavy, small? Not depressed, not angry, not “down,” just more like an “ache”?

    When that happens to me, it’s like all I’m sewed up – like an embroidery or needlepoint. It feels like everything’s tight, nothing’s loose, and there’s an edge to every thought. And – what I really notice is I can’t put my finger on the reason for it.

    I’ve figured out a way to make this work FOR me, so try it and let me know if it works for you:

    I started noticing when this feeling comes on that I’ve gotten triggered by something. I might be driving home from an appointment in a neighborhood that holds lots of memories for me – good ones and some weird old ones, or I might have met someone who looks like someone I once knew – doesn’t even have to be someone who once hurt me – all that has to happen is that that person brings back the TIME, long ago, when I felt bad.

    Then I noticed, when I used my Tools and started relaxing parts of my body – shoulders first – a burst of sadness would come through me. You’d think the sadness would feel worse – but it doesn’t – try it yourself. The sadness feels BETTER. It’s like a relief. It’s like you can RECOGNIZE the feeling, even if you don’t know why you’re feeling it.

    And then – here’s the really cool part – instead of going back to that time, or trying to figure out what’s bothering me in my HEAD, I DELIBERATELY continue to TRIGGER MYSELF. That’s right – I make it worse.

    So – if it’s the neighborhood, I’ll drive around, I’ll actually LOOK for triggers, looking to BRING OUT the feelings. I keep letting go of my shoulders and then there’s more sadness. And then I see it’s a bit gray outside…more sadness….

    NOW, I’ll start talking to myself. Try it: Ask questions. Ask, “Okay, what’s going on here?” Perhaps you can put your finger on some things: “I feel nostalgic for an old time, and I’m starting to feel fear, as though I’m running backwards over my life because there’s a wall in front of me and my life’s about to end. I feel a doomsday feeling, where I don’t want to move another minute ahead in time – I just want to go back somewhere safe. Or – I’m thinking about HIM – a man who hurt me.”

    Try to keep it all about FEELINGs, about sensations in your body. Really try to tune into your body instead of trying to THINK it through with your brain. You can get some great help here from my Body Dialogues in my Heart Connection Toolkit – for now just focus in on the physical and the emotional, and steer your thoughts away as you just continually “drop into” your body and your heart.

    Try this today, let me know how this feels to you, and we’ll go further in the next posts…

    Love,
    Rori

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/overfunctioning/turn-sadness-around/



  415.  #415Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Last week I posted about the intense fear I could feel in my body from a nightmare I was semi conscious to.

    Last night I was looking for some relaxing music to fall asleep to and my google search brought up info on sleep paralysis. I feel fearful this is what I experienced.



  416.  #416Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 1:28 pm

    CDing myself right now Daria!

    Heading to a lavender hot oil bath, candles, wine, and weirdly enough, my favorite sitcom….to be followed by oil and lotion to take care of my skin! I actually feel excited to do this!



  417.  #417Belle on September 16, 2012 at 1:31 pm

    Smile
    415

    Ohhhh….I LOVE sleep paralysis! It’s a gateway to lucid dreaming!
    I call the feeling “vibration”, and I WISH I could experience that more often! It’s something I have practiced cultivating!!!!

    The most amazing amazing vivid gorgeous lucid dreams I’ve had have been through sleep paralysis!
    So, for me, when I notice it coming on, I *know* there are going to be intense feelings and images, so I ride them out and focus on my heartbeat and know that it will pass after a minute or less, usually. Once it passes, then I roll out of bed and onto the floor but not really, and go explore my dream.

    Check out Ryan Hurd for a different perspective on sleep paralysis:
    http://www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com/sleep-paralysis-nightmares.html

    I feel a little envious, actually…



  418.  #418LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    2 or 3 years ago, D wanted me with him every night of the week on top of every weekend.
    His ex was doing everything to bash D in front of their son, trying to prove what a neglectfull father he was.

    I asked D:
    “How would it feel to reserve those 2 nights a week alone with your son so you could bond?
    I don’t mind staying home on those 2 nights.”

    He loved the idea. He was afraid to lose me by even thinking of putting me aside for a single minute.

    It seems that I gave away my space so much these last 3 years, out of fear of intimacy, that’s it has become hard for me to get it back.

    As I’ve been healing so many hangups and hurts from the past, my fear of intimacy has been fading. My desire for intimacy is being fueled more and more.
    The more I heal, the more I want that intimacy.

    Now it seems that D is trying to bring us together as a family, which feels great.

    It’s just difficult to find a balance.
    When do I get the alone bonding time?

    There’s putting his child 1st, and there’s hiding behind his child.

    At 1st, what was keeping me from him was him chasing other women, drinking with the buddies.
    Now that’s resolved, he doesn’t even have to force himself not to.
    He replaced those barriers to intimacy with work.
    When he finally got weekends off and couldn’t hide behind work, he’s hiding behind his son or family parties.

    I see how that’s all about him.
    But I also see, how he constantly transforms as I work on myself and transform myself.

    He has transformed from a distant absent father to a wonderful attentive one.
    He no longer runs away from his son.
    I feel so happy about that.

    I guess I’m pressuring him to evolve as fast as I am.
    Him connecting with his son is already a huge step to healing for him.

    We’re both feeding each our fears of intimacy.
    I have to stop focusing on his, and work on mine 1st.
    Standing for my desire for intimacy as I am now is a good start.



  419.  #419ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    @414 Belle

    Thank you.

    I know what my triggers are, but I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t want the Law of Attraction to get me with my negative thoughts 🙂 I’m trying to replace them with positive, but the negatives keep rearing their ugly heads.



  420.  #420ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @415 Smile

    I’ve experienced sleep paralysis and it’s pretty freaky!



  421.  #421Annie on September 16, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Dominque,

    We can also allow some compassion along with the judgements. If you look more deeply, you would likely see that anyone who causes pain, eg. rapist, abuser, etc. is in deep pain themselves.

    Knowing this helps me ease my judgments (not that they go entirely away all the time), and it also helps me not to feel hate, for harboring hate will hurt me first and foremost, but it may also spill out and hurt others. I don’t want this.

    I hear what you are saying. And understand and believe that pedophiles did not develop remorse so we could say oh they can’t help it because they have a bit missing in their brain. Same with sociopaths. So we could feel sorry for them.
    I understand this on a intellectual level if I Analise it from my brain.
    Now on a different note if one of these people hurt me or my family my emotions would be involved. And I would come from emotional place and the compassionate thing to do for me or my family would be protect myself my family and other people from this character disordered indivdual

    And then I can come from another place which is my soul. And my soul tells me that we are all given free will. And that these people have chosen evil over good.

    One of the key things with these character disordered people is they cannot recognize the harm they have done to the victim and how they have damaged them. They have no empathy with the victim.
    In a way I suppose I am able to empathize with them intellectually and emotionally as I am able to put myself in their shoes.

    On a higher level though my soul says I must protect myself and my family from these individuals as to do nothing is to condone it. Which I would not ever want to do.
    There is no known cure for these individuals to date and they are extremely dangerous.
    So I don’t really know what the answer is

    What do you think?

    xxoo



  422.  #422k2012 on September 16, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    He is afraid of commitment Tam. Don’t waste ur time with any man who is afraid of commitment.



  423.  #423Belle on September 16, 2012 at 1:44 pm

    RG
    419

    That sounds like a lot of work, trying and fighting…not very LOA.

    I feel curious and wonder if you are wanting to make too big of a vibrational leap from negative to positive instead of babystepping up the ladder?

    I’m asking because it sounds like by “trying” and fighting off the negative thoughts what you are getting is more fighting, instead of the relief I imagine you want.

    What Rori did in the article was shift into acceptance and curiosity, then worked her way back up. I’ve found that works really well for me personally, and the more I practice the more easily I can pivot and do a 180.

    But if what you are doing is working for you, carry on 🙂



  424.  #424Tam on September 16, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    Thank you Daria, Goddess and Smile!! 🙂

    Smile, I like what you said about being in the moment…and momentarily, I felt turned off by it all…and realised that I will see how I feel in the moment…if I grant him an audition at all. Sometimes I don’t even want to anymore.

    Because right now I feel like: hrmpf…MrP, I am not inspired by your attempts. At all. And I feel bored.

    Also, I believe the fact that I was leaning back with my dad caused him to get super wound up with me and turn all his anger towards me. I believe my Dad sees himself as a failure, otherwise he would have no reason to call me one – I sprung from him after all.
    I’m like: whatever. Get over it already. So you think I am a failure, well you were never there for me when I grew up – what does that make you? Ahaaaaa…ok!! So all good then really. I am a Goddess!! 🙂

    It’s a case of: ‘sorry but as far as I see you are whiny, angry low quality men around me and you’re attacking me or not stepping up because of your own problems and issues’…. I am just living my life best I can. You can get angry or withdraw or step down all you like, there will be plenty of others who will be nice to me. Kind of: ‘you are the weakest link, goodbye’.
    Fed up of making a silk purse of a sow’s ear really.
    Give me the silk already. I am bored. No more sow’s ears. Thank you kindly!! Ever saw a Goddess trying to work on a sow’s ear? No?? EXACTLY!! Done. Over and out!!

    It’s not that I am not good enough….maybe they are not good enough 🙂 just a case of changing perspective!

    You know, MrP once wrote an email to me ‘we’re done’ (that was it). I was as upset as h*ll. Now sometimes I think, if he ever mentions friends with benefits again, or ‘quasi-relationship’ (the cheek!!) instead of spending days drafting some kind of script, it would perhaps feel really good to just say:
    ‘this feels bad. I AM DONE’.

    Much easier and less effort. Ok Tam, you’re out of the funk of the last few days and back on the horse.
    Thanks for bearing with me 🙂



  425.  #425Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Belle, that felt interesting and intriguing to read thank you.

    Ive only ever experienced it that once but the fear was overwhelming and physically painful.

    In reading, this stood out to me…
    Bring your fear along and it will predictably turn into your worst nightmare. Bring courage, and you can turn it into amazing lucid dreams and unimaginable states of bliss.

    I shall bare this in mind if I experience it again.



  426.  #426Goddess Lily on September 16, 2012 at 1:47 pm

    RG,

    Those negative thoughts are lies told by lying liars of Liarsville. Tell the lying gremlins to shut up and that you have better things to think about.



  427.  #427Tam on September 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Ok, my post is a bit angry and judgmental, but I needed to let it out….going back to my compassionate and sweet little self now.
    But boys, don’t mess with me. 😉



  428.  #428Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    Even my toenails hurt 



  429.  #429Annie on September 16, 2012 at 1:50 pm

    Aww Dominque, I know it feels awful when it happens to me.

    Hugs.

    I feel suprised it happens as much online as in RL.
    As online at least we are able to read it a few times.
    Where as in real life we actually may actually not have heard all the words or misheard.

    Do you think it is because people have gone into default mode and the amgydila area of the brain has been activated.

    I feel mortified when this happens to me. Inflammatory.

    How do you deal with this?
    Do you ask for the comments to be removed?
    Or let it go?

    What do find is best?



  430.  #430Smile on September 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    Tam, it felt strong to me, not angry…

    I love your passion and compassion for your goddess self.



  431.  #431Tam on September 16, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    k2012…right on.
    I am not going to.
    I still wouldn’t even go down the route of relationship with MrP unless the marriage was in the woodworks (which is about a fire-engine ladder step too high for the man)…I just don’t accept anything less anymore.
    I feel he is in for a shock when he sees me next.
    I feel strong. I stood up against my Dad and I did it with feeling messages and he could not even look into my eyes because he knew he was wrong and unjust.
    If I can do it with my father, I can stand up to MrP in my sleep. I am going to have him for breakfast. i almost feel sorry for him right now, because he thinks I am still ‘pushover Tam’.
    No no.



  432.  #432Tam on September 16, 2012 at 1:54 pm

    430 Thank you Smile, you have inspired me to remember myself and my values again…thank you so much 🙂



  433.  #433Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    I feel played. I wonder why he would text all of the sudden that he just woke up and then not va;; me back??



  434.  #434Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    not call



  435.  #435Annie on September 16, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    I feel reminiscent re judgment.

    When I was too young to judge and didn’t judge a person of being bad or wrong, someone wanted me to do something and I believe that my soul saved me.
    I did not go into judgment I just new it was wrong.
    No one had ever told me it was wrong I just new deep in my core.



  436.  #436Stargirl on September 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Tam, I love the way you phrased it, “you are the weakest link, goodbye.” Nice way to think about it and it cracks me up.



  437.  #437Cblove on September 16, 2012 at 2:16 pm

    Thank you Femininewoman Smile and Goddess!

    I have not taken the time to make affirmations a habit, I need to make time to to that! I do believe that there are allot of great things about me its just hard to remember when im caught up.

    I love this that I just read in the other woman posts, Smile….
    “If you’re angry and resentful – it’s not because of what HE’S doing – it’s because you feel you’re compromising yourself, you feel stuck, you feel like you’re committing too much of your heart and time and energy to him and not getting it in return. It’s very important to “match” a man at the very most. the moment you start doing and feeling MORE – you’re going to feel angry and resentful.”

    Its so truee, I definitely need to take the attention off her and him and just on being happy. I am resentful that I give all my energy and heart to him and he gives some of his to her.. But it is my problem because I do still willingly give more energy when I know its not matching. I will try to stay positive and be more supportive of myself, so I don’t feel so alone.

    Goddess
    Thank you for your response. You are absolutely right, I feel wrong when I look at his phone, my heart starts to race and I feel like I am going against what I believe. It feels bad. And having this knowledge only hurts me and probably makes me act in an unnatural way that im not even fully aware of.. Trying to make him love me enough to let her go has pretty much made me miserable, its true. Because she’s so secret even from his best friends I really will never know either way if he stops talking to her. If I stay I feel like I will only find out when they start to move toward a relationship. I don’t understand how this friendship can last for 3 years with just texting.. I feel like he takes me for granted and holds her on a pedestal. I will lean back alot more to try to save myself from any more hurt.



  438.  #438Annie on September 16, 2012 at 2:18 pm

    ((((((((Daria )))))))))



  439.  #439Memulo on September 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Omg he just called he got us tickets to the service and he is coming to pick me up in less than an hour. i am not ready!!!



  440.  #440Annie on September 16, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    Hugs Memulo.

    Offering to cook him dinner is leaning forward and being the social director.



  441.  #441Luzydel on September 16, 2012 at 2:21 pm

    I’ve discovered something…well not really discovered, but something like that. Today I was out having a good time with some other people; I observed some of the women with their husbands, wow great men, all I want in a man they were. And I satrted to wonder, well this women are not extraordinarly beautiful, they’re just like any average woman; How do they do it? How did they meet these men? There I am observing, however the answer was very obvious…These women had their own lives, they were happy doing things they love outside of their husbands; They Didn’t CD, or parctice any tool; they simply were happy because they had a passion that they lived for; just for them…

    SO here I am making men a “passion” and forgeting about the things I like and enjoy, My art, My dance, My music, My ability to speak different languages, My Poetry writing, So many things that make me HAPPY!

    This I guess how it happenned to these women…they were happy living their lives and pursuing their passions and one day a man saw the; happy, smiling and they said, I want to be part of that woman happyness!

    Just a Thought 🙂

    I had a good day today; and it didn’t bother I wasn’t with a man!



  442.  #442Femininewoman on September 16, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Memulo did he ask you to contact him? Take his text as him trying to stay connected, having you on his mind.



  443.  #443ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 2:38 pm

    @423 Belle

    It is a lot of work! 🙂 In these circumstances, it is out of my control. I find that I focus more & worry about things I cannot control, than things I can. When really, it should be the opposite.



  444.  #444ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 2:41 pm

    @426 Goddess Lily

    Thank you! 🙂



  445.  #445ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    Memulo, I’m happy he called you and is taking you out.



  446.  #446Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 3:06 pm

    Memulo @350,

    I believe it happened somewhere around the 3rd or 4th month to just be together with no outing or anything special planned.



  447.  #447Daria on September 16, 2012 at 3:23 pm

    wow im getting somewhere really ‘deep’ or ‘expansive’ and ‘accepting’

    my mind feels wavy and silent, and i feel ‘moved’ and ‘not quite disturbed not quite confused but both’ mhm

    i feel sleepy and curious to tap on my 6th mind chakra tomorrow

    sigh

    yawn



  448.  #448Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Smile – 405 – I feel so excited that you have noticed this. I’m very much into sensitivities, sensations, and how the mind and the emotions are all interconnected. I will cover this at length and in depth on my new video series which I’m currently working on. How to heal more deeply as you become more aware, how to teach your body to release and relax in ways you may not have thought about or even knew about.

    Yes it can feel annoying sometimes, overwhelming, but the nuances of good sensation and how wonderful this feels will far outweigh the “negative”. I choose mot to view this as negative.

    xxoo



  449.  #449Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    MissStix @324,

    (((MissStix))) I have done that too in the past, packed up to go… oh no… I hope all is ok with you but I have to tell you it has always made M withdraw a few days later… (((MissStix)))



  450.  #450Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 3:31 pm

    Dominique @448,

    I am feeling smiley and excited about your new videos 🙂 I want to see them too!!!



  451.  #451Daria on September 16, 2012 at 3:33 pm

    I MEAN LIKE REALLY DEEP

    IM FEELING AFRAID IM COMING OUT OF ‘THIS WORLD OF THOUGHT’ COMPLETELY

    AND IM CHOOSING TO FEEL HAPPY AND MORE CONNECTED AND LOVED AND HEALED AND HEALING



  452.  #452Daria on September 16, 2012 at 3:36 pm

    THE TREES ARE STARTING TO TALK TO ME

    I FEEL TEARY



  453.  #453Daria on September 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    IM CRYING

    I FEEL MOVED



  454.  #454Belle on September 16, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    ((((Daria))))

    Here are exquisitely gentle, present, loving hands to receive you and bathe you in looooove:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=OPSAgs-exfQ



  455.  #455Daria on September 16, 2012 at 3:38 pm

    I FEEL SCARED IF I CHANGE A LOT ILL MISS dARIA

    REMEMBER I SAY I TAKE EVERYTHING I WANT WITH ME

    ILL STILL HAVE ME

    IM JUST CHOOSING TO TRUST



  456.  #456Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 3:40 pm

    CBlove @302,

    You are the one giving them way too much energy. Don’t look at his phone and snoop. That is not what you want in a relationship. I disagree a little with what the other Sirens have said to you. Rori says that if they are not right in front of you, then they don’t exist. I would work on my vibe and focus on me and find a passion to pour myself into. Also, use the tools. Do you have Modern Siren or other program? And please, stop giving them your energy. Focus on being present every moment that you are with him. If he is chatting her up by text, then something is missing here or he is immature. in either case, the best you can do is focus on you and on being loving and strong core soft outside and practive practive practice FMs!



  457.  #457Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    (((Daria)))
    Breathe, and let it all out. Tears are transformation and freedom. Bask in your vulnerability.



  458.  #458Daria on September 16, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    Thanks Belle… i feeel soothed after that

    thanks Siren Angel… i feel got… i was feeling vulnerable yes

    i feel like im a baby and the earth is carryng me now

    hehe

    sigh

    hehe

    feeling happy and good



  459.  #459Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    Annie – 421 – I don’t know if there is an answer. Yes there are some who have brain malfunctionings, miswirings, and so they don’t feel things as others might, remorse as an example. Or the notion that what they are about to do is going to hurt another, i.e. a sociopath.

    Protecting yourself is fine though I choose instead not to dwell on these anomalies and focus on things being all well in LOA style.

    Sure things will happen anyway, but the more I’ve lived my life in this way, the less “things” have happened, to in fact not at all, and anything less than good feeling I choose to look at as a healing opportunity.

    Will something truly awful feeling happen again? I don’t know, and I don’t want to think about these things until/unless they come to be.

    For me in my own life, even some very traumatic incidents/events, seeming accidents, I’ve chosen to look at as lessons for me of which to sit up and take notice.

    Did I really attract this into my life? I say yes on some level.

    Do I advocate all look at their lives like this? No not necessarily. For example did Flowerchild attract all that has transpired recently? I want to say no, but really I don’t know.

    BUT I want to be very clear that this is NEVER about blaming, not ever.

    Sometimes some pretty horrible things have to occur before we do pay attention. This has been true for me, and I feel sure I’m not alone.

    xxoo



  460.  #460Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 3:56 pm

    Lilibee @265,

    Oh wow… I finally read all your posts (((Lilibee))) I feel curious, I am sure i have already asked, but how old is his son? Also, did he loose the other child a long time ago and how old was that child? I am so sorry to hear this, but I believe you can only come from a place of love and compassion if you don’t want to build resentment, on all sides.

    ((((Lilibee))))



  461.  #461Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 3:58 pm

    Annie – 429 – Actually it’s very rare this happens to me. I guess I’m not the inciting wrath, controversial type, usually.

    Yes I believe that some people will come in with an agenda, and they will see and take in what they want to support this agenda and just not absorb the rest.

    On my own site, it only happened once, and the outpouring of support felt awesome. In the end though I ended up having to block further comments which felt sad to me. It became a beyond rant.

    On this site I think it has only happened two or there times. Again there was an outpouring of support. Since the thread that this is happening on is so old, most people no longer are being alerted to updates.

    It was very sweet and cute actually because RR’s webmaster who is handling all the techy stuff while she’s away (he’s the one who was messing with things on here the other day and who is posting now and then under her name), e-mailed me and asked me if I wanted him to put her into moderation.

    I refused, for she isn’t being outright offensive, and even though she is seeing with a very narrow view, her views are hers and thus valid.

    Does it still hurt and feel frustrating? Yes, some, though it’s rather easy for me now to put it all into perspective and re-balance. It’s does not come naturally though or automatically.

    I don’t know if for us (ultra) sensitives if it ever does.

    xxoo



  462.  #462Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 4:09 pm

    I have another though around all of this. I don’t like to label things as bad or good, wrong or right (though I will use these words sometimes for want of a better feeling word).

    Sometimes things just ARE. In, it is what it is. It may feel bad, but is it wrong? Who is to say what’s wrong? I may not agree with what has been done, but does that make it wrong?

    Yes doing injury on another can be deemed as wrong, but when murder is done on a supposed terrorist, suddenly this is okay? Who is the terrorist here? Who did harm to whom first? Why is the pattern continuing? Things aren’t always black and white as they may appear on the surface.

    Yes doing harm to a child is deemed wrong, and I wold certainly not agree with it, yet chances are the person inflicting the harm had been deeply wounded as a child too. Those who carry on the pattern lose the ability to know what they are doing as hurtful.

    So I don’t have any “answers” here, just things to ponder.

    And Annie in answer to your question in what is best to do, eg. moderate comments or ignore, it really depends. Every situation is different.

    xxoo



  463.  #463Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    Jessie @229,

    I am feeling heartwrentched reading your story with your son… (((Jessie))) And relieved at the same time that he let you in on his plan to bring him to Lebanon as you can really use that to keep your son with you. Please do take this seriously. i had a similar fear a while back because little one’s dad is now with a French woman but they decided to stay here. And I am feeling so proud for you that you took charge and went to get your son without any delay. Jessie, Bravo to you! xx



  464.  #464LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    460:

    Thank You SA.

    Like I wrote in another post.
    There’s putting a child 1st and there’s hiding behind a child.

    I’ve been bouncing around my feelings and I’ve been difficult to follow these days.

    It seems the more I heal my own stuff, and peel away the layers, the more I want intimacy and connection.

    I’m not sure that he’s capable of giving it to me.
    That’s why I’m leaning back right now.

    I called my best friend on it, hiding behind her daughter bc she was scared of intimacy.
    She stopped hiding behind her daughter.
    She negotiated a change in weekends with the father, so she and her man would be without the kids on the same weekend.
    By taking away everything she was hiding behind,
    She got to see what the real core issue was, and is now able to decide without a doubt where to go with this relationship.



  465.  #465Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Siren Angel – Oh thank you though it may be awhile. These will be comprehensive, covering all kinds of goddess practices which I encourage to use daily or at least regularly, from skin care (I was a natural skin care professional in another life, still am really, as I make all my own products, using herbs I grow as an integral part) to communication and all kinds of things in between such as mind/body techniques and meditation.

    I’m filming right now which will hopefully be done by the end of October, but then we have editing. Before Christmas? This is my plan.

    xxoo



  466.  #466Femininewoman on September 16, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    LiliBee I believe you are solidly on your path to where you want to go. Things aren’t always clear but does not mean we can’t keep moving forward in our life.



  467.  #467Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    So I don’t think the issue is the fact that there ARE indeed available men, but the fact that I’m really scared and I run away from any sign of someone “liking” me…..
    I had this feeling way back in the 6th grade when a boy liked me, i was ….terrified?? I wonder why
    (((6th grade Emerson)))
    I ran away from him after that and I was scared of talking to him. I wonder what’s wrong with meeeeeeeee…………………
    it’s like I kinda feel that way again…..



  468.  #468Annie on September 16, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    “Did I really attract this into my life? I say yes on some level. ”
    I hear what you are saying re law of attaction and feel in agreement on many levels
    I don’t always believe that is true though Dominque, especially with children.
    They are truly in helpless situations and have not attracted abuse into their lives.
    So I do not accept that children attract pedophiles into their lives for instance.
    And people who have been victims of war crimes etc.

    I believe Rori wrote a thread a while back about how the law of attraction did not always apply and that resonated with me.



  469.  #469Daria on September 16, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    Dominique – if i would have written those thoughts, i would now belief shift “it does not come naturally or automatically for me” and see what happens

    maybe it will feel a babystep more natural and automatic from then on, a shift i might enjoy



  470.  #470Cblove on September 16, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    Thanks siren angel

    I know I need to stop. I dont know what it is that is missing here he tells me everythings fine. I think alot of the issue is mine with giving her so much of my attention.



  471.  #471Annie on September 16, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    Dominique.

    “Sometimes things just ARE. In, it is what it is. It may feel bad, but is it wrong? Who is to say what’s wrong? I may not agree with what has been done, but does that make it wrong?”

    I do feel in disagreement here but respect your right to a different opinion.

    To me pedophilia and especially incest are always wrong and my soul knows this it just knows.
    There is not ever any reason it is right.



  472.  #472Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 4:30 pm

    Yes Annie, indeed. I agree that this is not a perfect law and across the board by any means.

    Though some might go into past life stuff/karma.

    I’m not wanting to take it this far.

    I don’t think there are any definitive answers.

    There is a lot to be said for, sometimes it just is what it is no matter how horrible and painful.

    xxoo

    xxoo



  473.  #473Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    I hear you Annie, and this does get into some slippery slopey stuff.

    No one deserves abuse, NO ONE.

    But I have trouble with judging it, labeling it as right or wrong.

    I work really hard to see beyond the action to the seriously damaged person inside.

    Again I don’t have answers here.

    xxoo



  474.  #474Dominique on September 16, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Daria – Thank you for this. Yes it can and will become natural feeling and automatic. And it all feels so easy and effortless. 🙂

    xxoo



  475.  #475LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    464:

    I’m also leaning back coz I put too much pressure on him to have what I want.

    He’s been keeping busy today doing his yardwork, taking care of his cars.
    He called me to check up on me.

    We got into the conversation again.
    I wasn’t totally sireny.

    He said it’s hard to get all the housework done alone, there’s so much to do, he feels overwhelmed.
    He also said he needed to work alot to pay for everything alone.
    I said “I would see myself with you, doing the housework together. I really enjoy that teamwork.
    There are so many wonderful things about you that make me feel good to be with you.
    But I feel doubtful bc I don’t want it to be a business transaction where we simply share expenses and housework.
    I want a real connected relationship.
    I don’t feel safe that having me to share expenses and housework would free time for our intimacy.
    When it’s not working or chores, it’s something else.
    One barrier to our intimacy is fixed, and it’s immediately replaced by another.”

    He finally expressed himself.
    He said he wants a real connected relationship too.
    He said that he needed time to think.

    I’m laying off the pressure totally, leaning way way back.



  476.  #476ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    Maybe part of my problem today is lack of sleep. I thought I would’ve heard from Mr. Observant by now. His kids went home 2.5 hours ago. Maybe he needed a nap from his exciting weekend. He usually takes naps every day, but probably didn’t get one this past 3 days. I feel excited to hear how everything went.



  477.  #477Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 4:39 pm

    FW @145,

    I am just catching up, latest comments up, that is an interesting thought and something that has been on my mind a lot.
    “Siren Angel I would not judge him as a selfish man or neglectful father. Pulling aways seems to be a pattern in his life. Maybe his rhythmic life slow. Would you be comfortable accepting him as is? Likely he would not change for you or any other woman. But some women would be okay with his pattern. It might be something he needs to feel whole in himself. His pair bonding hormone level could be low.”

    I feel curious about the pair bonding hormone. I do sense he needs ‘off’ time a lot. I am not sure how to handle these ‘off’ times without him going into radical ‘break up mode’. If I had the answer to avoid that extreme, I wouldn’t otherwise mind the occasional ‘off’ mode as we are usually intensely connected. I suppose I tend to panic a little when he goes to ‘off’ and that the pressure is too much for him. I am wondering if there is a better way for me to react that would make these moments not go into extremes. If I could see them coming without panicking, it would be key.



  478.  #478Annie on September 16, 2012 at 4:42 pm

    Lilibee.

    “But how do I express wanting ‘my place’ without coming off as resentful or jealous?
    Without coming off as I want to come in 1st before his son, and that I don’t want to share D?!

    I believe for relationships to flourish and be kept alive they all need one to one time.
    So he will need one to one with his son
    You will need one to one time with him.
    And you will need one to one time with his son to devlop a relationship and in order to do this.



  479.  #479Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 4:47 pm

    I’m feeling “homesick” for my old job and my old apartment and my old self….I feel unable to reconstruct things fast enough…I’m doing all I can to work work work…and it’s like I”m not getting anywhere. How can this be?



  480.  #480Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    Lilibee I feel proud of you for being true to yourself and even if you felt you were not totally sireney…I feel you did stay true to yourself so that means a lot. Lots of courage on your part. Phew wow. I’ve been in your position. It hurts and feels strange. I don’t know.. I am thinking you’re doing great actually.



  481.  #481Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    Lilibee,

    A thought just crossed my mind, you are on the right path and you are making my current situation clearer too at the same time. M used to pull away and go back on dating sites, this time he is ‘using’ (I don’t really like the word in this context) the kids to pull away. D seems to have used other women in the past too, his buddies and now his son. I would let D pull away slightly ‘hiding’ behind his son this time (or using that excuse, maybe even triggering or testing you on purpose with the car seat thing).

    In any case, I see a clear evolution on both these men’s parts as they are at least not going the ‘other women’ scenario. A clear improvement and certainly a more connected and ‘healthy’ way to pull away.



  482.  #482Emerson on September 16, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    I’m feelng very fragmented and not sure how to express myself. I feel unsure and weird when I write. Like nobody would want to read what i say. I go over the same stuff time and time again so do I ever learn? My friend is moving in with her boyfriend this weekend and I feel JEALOUS and happy for her too.
    I want that. I want to move in with a guy. I really do. I want to be married but that’s a given. I would move in before hand probably because I want to.



  483.  #483Daria on September 16, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    im ready to create a sharing space to pour into and out of

    i will have tabs for

    healing movement – t-tapp, body tissue lengthening, bellydance, qi gong, breathing, marrow washing, body shaping, spirit dancing, tai chi stances, flamenco, twerk

    intuitive nourishment – food, herbal drinks, smokes, ointments, baths,

    belief shifting – hook line and sinker, part of my being, elegua’s doorways

    emotional therapy – EFT, riffing

    spirit living – magic, spirits, awareness, nature connect, goddess wisdom, otherworld creation

    meditation – self hypnosis, ham sah,

    energy – donna eden energy movements, midline adjustments, body grid – maybe this will combine into movements and meditations

    body therapies – cold water therapy, skin brushing, hair brushing / cutting, skin regeneration, lymphatic massage,

    medicine – special powerful fast cures – medications/supplements, Donna eden, healing diets, fertility power herbs, gadgets, An Tz Lin sound healing, seaweeds, powerful healer referrals

    environment – radiation transformers, colors, intuitive feng shui

    communication – feminine-masculine energy, soul singing, feeling based communication, respectful mindful relationship

    fashion – goddess dressing, cultural inspirations, personalizing, healthy footwear, organic clothing

    wow i feel pleased with this so far!

    thank you Daria, you are lovely

    all wisdom is offered free 🙂 donations and gifts are welcome

    i feel open and desiring of rising $ number support in my Paypal account, to support creation of this space (online part) … the address is

    magicgoddessmedicinewoman@gmail.com

    yay!

    sigh

    feeling lovely



  484.  #484LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 4:58 pm

    466:

    FW,

    Your words feel so soothing and reassuring to read.

    I’ve been home alone all day.
    Usually I find it so hard to get anything done.

    When D requested all my time, I felt neglectful of myself that I didn’t get any of my stuff done.
    Then when I would be alone, I would feel lazy and procrastinate.

    Today I’ve been so productive for myself.
    I used all my boy energy to get things done for me.
    I feel satisfied with myself.
    In fact, I also felt productive all day yesterday before meeting up with D.

    That has shifted for me.
    Wow, I feel satisfied at what I’ve done for myself this weekend.
    I haven’t felt that way in years.



  485.  #485Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:06 pm

    it feels jarring and upsetting and disturbing to mention feeling open for donations

    i feel guilty

    i feel afraid to be judged

    i judge

    i feel sleepy

    more belief shifting here

    i wonder how to express this in a way that feels good

    without shame

    without feeling afraid im annoying and turning people off

    what if all of my posts said that?

    what if they said it ina non annoying way

    what if they carried the intention and it felt healing ?

    everyone Wants to donate to me, cuz it feels good!

    of course it feels good to see me be happy

    and Money comes to me and loves me

    i dont have to ask for him

    mmm

    i can do me and lean back

    and he comes

    would i say i feel open for money

    well yeah

    i feel open to have you come see me… hmmm

    that feels a lil weird

    i feel open to have a man come see me… hmmm

    still feels weird

    i feel open?

    i feel… needy?

    hehe

    now we’re getting there

    sooo i feel confused

    they said in order to receive money, i have to keep asking about it

    i can shift this

    ok sigh whew

    ok yay

    shifted

    i can just relax

    i dont have to put effort out for money to come to me

    i can just do me and be amazing

    and know he’s coming

    yay sigh

    feel relief

    yawwn



  486.  #486Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Belle @12,

    I feel at a loss for words ((((Belle)))) How honest and true to yourself you are xx



  487.  #487Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 5:08 pm

    Belle,

    I feel inspired to search my own wounds reading your beautiful soul exposure @12.



  488.  #488LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 5:10 pm

    478:

    I really appreciate your insight Annie 🙂

    Your words make me feel ‘human’ and normal to want that balance.
    I believe it too.
    My marriage therapist also said it to my ex-husband and me.
    Even married parents have date night.

    Last time D and I spoke today, I said “I would feel good to have 1 night a week reserved just for me.”



  489.  #489Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    ah yes… also Byron Katie in belief shifting

    and Abraham style LOA in … magic



  490.  #490Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    Sirens,

    I had some very intense moments with M in the last several days at his place. More importantly, this morning he totally opened up and we were able to discuss our disagreements with open hearts and it felt really good to bare our souls. He says he is so connected to me. When we talked, I told him how scared I feel but more scared of the power the kids have over our love life. I told him I am scared to see them again. I was able to talk to him authentically without blaming him and he opened up so much. Although we are not officially ‘committed’ he said he doesnt want to see other women right now and is opening up on how to ‘fix’ things in the next few months. We also ran into a couple we know while doing errands with him and they asked about our plans and he told me this morning how sad he is that we are now in this place as everything would have been possible for us, how perfect I am for him, how connected and intimate we are. I do feel very hopeful for the future but hold



  491.  #491Siren Angel on September 16, 2012 at 5:16 pm

    Sirens,

    I had some very intense moments with M in the last several days at his place. More importantly, this morning he totally opened up and we were able to discuss our disagreements with open hearts and it felt really good to bare our souls. He says he is so connected to me. When we talked, I told him how scared I feel but more scared of the power the kids have over our love life. I told him I am scared to see them again. I was able to talk to him authentically without blaming him and he opened up so much. Although we are not officially ‘committed’ he said he doesnt want to see other women right now and is opening up on how to ‘fix’ things in the next few months. We also ran into a couple we know while doing errands with him and they asked about our plans and he told me this morning how sad he is that we are now in this place as everything would have been possible for us, how perfect I am for him, how connected and intimate we are. I do feel very hopeful for the future but hold myself to CDing until I see a clearer possible future.



  492.  #492LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 5:19 pm

    480:

    Thank you so much for your encouraging words Emerson 🙂

    Yeah, you’re right. I did stay true to myself.

    I have been learning to shift to good feeling thoughts all week.
    Peeling off layers of my own stuff to heal.
    I thought that all my problems were solved.
    But all that peeling off just fueled my desire for a true, connected intimate relationship.

    I’ve been tempted to beat myself on the head for falling off the wagon.
    But no no.
    With all you sirens support, I rather feel fascinated that I really want that relationship for myself, and that I even want it more than before.
    Wooooooohhh.



  493.  #493Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:23 pm

    hmm i could do sensual meditation

    also sleep , time awareness, Ayurveda times, healing from clock time, moonwatching, intuitive astrology, intuitive reimagined tarot and cards,

    herstory reimagined in – spirit – ancestor communication

    where do i put aggressive rapping and hmm, all the other skills i ahve, i know they’re not mine for no reason. seeing the love underneath? non-judgment
    interpretations…

    this is more for me to heal and discover the gems under

    then i can share!



  494.  #494Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    Belle – 333

    I feel so good reading about your juicy, amazing feelings. Yes! Human! That’s exactly what you are! And you know so much more about it than others who have never had to deal with life the way you have. I am sure it has made you tough and strong, interesting and absolutely amazing!

    Thank you for your insight on the dream. I actually think it has been resolved, much in the way you described with “which ways am I ‘raping’ myself?” It was true, and I’m not sure if I realized the connection before or after I decided to end things with tbf. But definitely, if I had continued to see him, it would have meant subjecting myself to a physical experience that was completely odious to me.

    When I say I didn’t like his kissing, it wasn’t a simple matter of technique. I meant that it felt slimy, gross, disgusting. It felt like slimy worms crawling all through me. The thought of his penis anywhere near me made me cringe.

    All the lovely language, and dates, and gifts could never counteract that feeling. If having a relationship with him would mean getting physically closer – and it would – I would have been basically raping myself be letting that happen. Ick, ick, ick, ick, ew. I can’t even describe how horrible the feeling was.

    My body was definitely giving me a big, strong message that something was wrong. And luckily, I got it. Whew! It was a good dream, after all. These things always have a purpose…I just didn’t know that when I woke up, scared and alone. And I didn’t know it when I discussed it with vman. But sometimes these things take time.

    And I am sure that there are more layers, too. But that’s at least one element of the dream that feels resolved.

    Thanks!



  495.  #495ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 5:27 pm

    @493 Daria

    I had a tarot reading with Mr. Observant and she told both of us we had jealous people around us & to not be so open with others regarding our relationship. It’s a little scary when you hear those kinds of things.



  496.  #496Tereana on September 16, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    So, vman wrote to me today when he woke up. But only a little. Then he went away again. No explanation of where he’s been, or what he’s up to. But, then again, the idea that I would even need to know is ridiculous. it’s not like I have some sort of special claim on him. Lol

    Or maybe just, unrealistic. I can wonder. But right now, I can practice with being okay with not knowing. Because I’ve actually got better things to think about. 🙂

    Xox me : )



  497.  #497LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 5:32 pm

    481:

    Yeah SA,

    M does look like he’s hiding behind his kids.
    I was dying to say that to D, but I didn’t. I held my tongue with that one at least.

    Back to Rori and ourselves:
    We’re all being in their heads and their business here.
    Our job is to feel and share our feelings.

    Which you did so beautifully by what you described in your post #491.
    I yearn for that intimate connection.
    I feel so happy for you that he said those things to you.
    Aaaahhh (sigh).



  498.  #498Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    i feel very glad for my gemini mind AND ascendant inclination wiht infinite pieces knowledge picked up by my quick butterfly mind and so much energy toward curiousity

    with my capricorn moon going infinitely emotionally deep , and earthy too

    yum

    mmm



  499.  #499Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Receiving Girl – hmm a lot of Tarot readers and cards stilll read the old fear based way which was the fashion the last thousand years

    i would translate all that into something that feels good



  500.  #500Daria on September 16, 2012 at 5:38 pm

    perhaps there are a lot of people who admire you and yes through jealousy, and you are an inspiration for them to step the threshold to healing

    also perhpas it would help you to open to viewing others as offering support, and practice non-judgement and seeing what would feel good in the intentions of others Abraham style

    ouch that seeing what would feel good in the intentions of others, i felt a pang in my tummy felt triggering and scary to do that! means there is healing in there for me!

    thanks for bringing this up Receiving Girl



  501.  #501ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 5:48 pm

    Thanks, Daria. It’s been bothering me since.

    My one gf has hardly spoken to me since Mr. Observant and I started dating. I wonder if there is a connection. The last 2 parties we only said hello and goodbye basically. Last party, Mr. Observant and I walked to the car and she was standing with her husband and two others and the looks on their faces were not friendly, as if we had walked in on them gossiping or something.

    She said we need to get together, but I had already said that and gave her dates when I was available to which she never responded. I’ve been trying to get together with her since June. I don’t feel supported by her, so there may be some truth to the tarot.



  502.  #502ReceivingGirl on September 16, 2012 at 5:51 pm

    My tummy is churning, I feel all nervous, teary-eyed and afraid. I want to feel goodness.



  503.  #503LiliBee on September 16, 2012 at 5:54 pm

    When we see things in others that bother us or trigger us, it always means that there is something about it IN OURSELVES that we don’t accept.

    I’m pointing out D hiding behind his son, his work, his expenses…to cover his fear of intimacy.

    I wonder, What am I hiding behind to cover what?

    I used to hide behind past hurts, as an excuse to avoid intimacy.
    I peeled some hurts off.
    Intimacy is screaming even louder to come get it.

    I’m still hiding behind something if I’m still pointing out D hiding behind something.

    Pointing his out is distracting me from mine.
    Distraction to avoid looking at it.

    I feel curious.

    I feel scared that if I move in with him, I won’t be enough.
    He’ll want more things, spend more even if I’m sharing expenses…still hide behind work…

    I haven’t been able to quit smoking.
    He hates it.
    I’m always having to go outside to smoke,
    It takes me away from him, breaks any little intimate moment we could have.
    I hide behind my smoking.

    I’m back to distracting myself from my addiction with his addiction.