Changing From The Misery Channel To The Happy Channel

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If you’re finding yourself often in some state of “misery,” how do you change from the “misery channel” to the “happy channel”?

What I love is practicing loving the misery.

Just flat out slathering love like frosting on the misery, and then switching the channel, gently, to something else.

ANYTHING else.

Even for just a second.

A breath.

I actually call this “Channeling.””

How does that work for you?

Love, Rori

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702 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 6:51 am

    yay for the happy channel



  2.  #2Jessie 1000 on December 5, 2011 at 6:54 am

    I used to beat myself up alot if a relationship didnt work or seemed uncomfortable…cry, freeze up, try to be single and feel immensely lonely but its incredibly interesting to see how the feelings and feeling messages work out.
    My CD 1 left now but I look back and see that he didnt take care of me as I would like. I asked and what he offered was half ass and he would freak out once I really tried to open up.
    My CD 2 craves my feelings. He loves them and everytime I speak, he stops and listens.
    My CD 3 is super easy. He always calls on the weekends. He watches me wherever I go when I go to his house. He pays. He tells me he is happy I found time for him and we have the kind of sex that is shaky and close and romantic. I only sleep with CD 3 because he is the one that I think is worth it but Im not closing out any of my fun until he needs me too….lol and we are still having so much fun as it is, I kind of would like it to stay this way!

    Even with my son, who is 13, the feeling messages work. I used to yell at him alot because he drove me crazy! Fighting with his brother, badgering me for money, throwing out good clothes and shoes I bought him cause after 2 weeks he said they werent cool. I changed my anger to feeling messages and its like now hes become my little pet…he runs in and hugs me, he plays sometimes, with his brother and he tells me when hes had enough….he just looks happier and i havent raised my voice once in so long….Rori knows her stuffffff lol with big men and little men!!

    Hope it helps cause I have contentment for the first time in probably 15 years and it takes alot of courage to be authentic….not that I am all the way there but I am opening up like a new flower every day…lol hope that wasnt corny!



  3.  #3Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Jessie can I encourage you to try out tapping http://7levelsofwealthmanifestation.com/heart-charka-vow/



  4.  #4Emerson on December 5, 2011 at 8:03 am

    3 FW thanks for the link on the other post, I checked it out and seems very interesting…I did the tapping with ML
    I’ve recently been more aware of a literal BLOCK in myself and I’ve been trying to find a way to let it go…I will try the tapping again and see how it goes…



  5.  #5Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Emerson I try to do it every day. Sometimes twice per day, once in the morning and the other at night before going to bed.



  6.  #6lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Thanks, Rori – that’s awesome



  7.  #7mali on December 5, 2011 at 9:29 am

    So, this is what I received from CD1 after Saturday’s date.

    “I really enjoyed meeting you on Saturday. I’d like to do it again, and get to know you really well.

    I just hope I wasn’t too showy offey? It’s just in public, I feel you have to put on a front, and be all smiley and bouncy. I guess it’s nerves lol!

    If you want to get to know the real me, it’s best to be somewhere quiet where we can chat, and chill out.

    I did feel that we were both behaving far too much, as we’d only just met each other. You know you have to be your best behavour as your parents might be watching lol!

    With time I hope that fades, and we can have a giggle.

    I noticed that you were swooning a little with me. Either that or it was over the chicken lol! My heart was secretly melting in front of you.

    I have to admit, I’d love to fall in love with you in the future. I did feel that we had a few sparks going at the dinner table.

    I know I mentioned being friends a lot, I just didn’t want you to think I was clingy. Time is a good thing, as rushing only spoils things.

    I told you I was a softy, I guess with time I’d be happy cuddling you on the sofa and chilling out. May be we’d fall sleep together, that’s so soothing for me. I love cuddles. πŸ™‚

    I really hope non of the above has put you off me. I’m just too caring and sentimental for my own good.

    It would be nice to meet up with you again soon, so have a look in you diary and see when you can pencil me in.

    Come mail me or txt me soon πŸ™‚ xxx”

    Erm… I’m feeling really overwhelmed. This is too much for me after one date! And I don’t like being told I was swooning when I wasn’t.

    Why am I feeling pukey? Is it because I’m sensing the suffocating/needy vibe?!

    Yes, it’s sweet. But it’s too sweet. It smacks of insecurity. I could sense that from him. Yes, I’m analysing him. But still…. bleurgh!
    Feeling really, really turned off.



  8.  #8Lizka on December 5, 2011 at 9:32 am

    Lizka is a happy sireb today πŸ™‚



  9.  #9Starla on December 5, 2011 at 9:33 am

    I do this all the time, and it works great.

    i fell in love with experience. even the nasty experiences. it’s all so stimulating. it is good to be alive.



  10.  #10Lizka on December 5, 2011 at 9:33 am

    Oups happy siren, lol



  11.  #11Starla on December 5, 2011 at 9:43 am

    i feel triggered today. my friend left as my guest and is returning in a couple of weeks as my housemate (who is staying for free until she finds a job and can move). She is a messy girl and keeps late hours. I’m going to have to remind myself that I’m doing her a favor, instead of trying to make HER comfortable.

    Also, CF and I don’t have any plans all week. He is staying in contact, but not trying to see me. I guess this is fine. Going backwards from the weekend, I have a CD on Saturday, want to stay in Friday, a hair appointment Thursday, Yoga on Wednesday, and am free tonight and tomorrow, but he’s always busy with something specific on Tuesdays. So he didn’t make plans with me for tonight, which means, I guess, that we won’t be seeing each other for about a week.

    I’m noticing guys get complacent when they see you frequently, and then don’t bother to make plans. Which is understandable, I guess, but it’s an annoying rollercoaster.



  12.  #12lk on December 5, 2011 at 9:55 am

    I’m feeling a little overwhelmed & buzzy from all this CDcd stuff… like……… ok i’m just going to be really open on this & not try to be all cool because i know that i’ve fallen hard for jx, ht, ex, sqw & i feel reasonably certain that those guys are not “forever” for me (who knows, though… & they are wonderful men, & becoming more wonderful as they age…)…. anyway, so yes I will say i feel so excited to be seeing CDcd on wednesday & i think it’s pretty awesome he’s willing to drive 2 hours to see me for 1 hour… : )

    last night I looked at the drawing i made with all the characteristics of my ideal partner… &… CDcd makes the list look lame, like, “oh of course! but you forgot to put this too… & this… & this” lol

    i feel like if this guy had come any sooner, before i found this website, i’d have never even had a second date with him…. we would have both been annoyed & bored with each other….

    i have a crush, shy lk blushes a little & giggles : )

    also, i was telling him all the reasons i felt nervous to go to his house & he was helping me through all of them & offering solutions to make me feel good.

    what are my questions about him? how does it look when he gets angry? what does he think about the differences between men & women? how clean is clean? how neat is neat? how inventive are solutions to problems? can he keep the focus on the solutions, not the problems? what about when something goes really really wrong & it’s my fault? what about when something goes really really wrong & it’s absolutely no one’s fault? what about when something goes really really wrong & it’s his fault? how annoying am i allowed to be? how open is sxx & how many cuddles will be given? does he complain? what kind of “princess” treatment is given to me when in group settings or around other women? am i allowed to be affectionate with my male friends?

    wow… lots to ponder : )

    a last memory about having metaphysical conversations in spanish… cool. one more memory about… some other man saying something to me in the concert venue, i laugh… & CD touches me & asks if i want to stand in the space he’s made for me so that my back is nearly against him. felt intense. & also very safe & special.

    i’m allowed to fall a little, right? & actually it’s not that sweaty sick feeling that is distracting & like a roller coaster. it’s actually just happy & not scary or nerve-wracking. that is because he is a good man. i am a good girl, too, & we have had a few very fun dates together & maybe we will keep having fun. what a reasonable thing to say, lk. good girl indeed.



  13.  #13lk on December 5, 2011 at 10:04 am

    one of my best friends (who i was in love with for about 5 years…) just txtd me & asked about a girl i know that he is interviewing (BTW – i have the most vivid memory of the day i fell out of love with him haha… because he told me what he wanted to do & suddenly i got a vision of him being exactly who he is today & i just thought, well that will never work for me, though it is amazing & impressive! — he is a total baller & i’m proud of him for accomplishing what he wants & he has a lovely girlfriend) & he asked me what i think of her…. WELL…. i pretty much know that whatever i say, he’ll do. we’ve been best friends for about 10 years now. i know i’d want someone to say great things about me, but i don’t really know that much about this girl…… i think i’ll just ignore the txt & then call in a couple days & ask what HE thought. what do others think?? honestly, she seems pretty smart but not very creative & like she could build errors into her workflow with a bad assumption & repeat the error indefinitely before someone noticed. wow, that’s a strong feeling & very detailed… maybe i actually should share that with him.



  14.  #14Ariadne on December 5, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Love to you all!!!! I’ve been away for a while and missed reading your posts. Hope all of you had a great Thanksgiving!!! Xo



  15.  #15lk on December 5, 2011 at 10:15 am

    ok just said… “actually don’t know her that well… she seems smart but maybe not super creative. not sure if that helps haha” eek feel sad to not give glowing praise…



  16.  #16Starla on December 5, 2011 at 10:16 am

    awww, CF just texted me saying he misses me quite a bit and wants to know if there is any chance he could see me tonight, even for a short hug.

    that’s cute. i feel better. but i don’t want to have to rely on him to come through for me to feel better. i just need to keep the focus on meeeeeee.



  17.  #17Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 10:47 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    The LOVE that creates a True Soul Partnership exists with a boundary of Respect.

    “Respect is the soul-sister of love, allowing us to open our hearts fully to another. One + One does not equal One. It takes two people to create a soul partnership and respect says we are two individuals choosing to come together. Respect says, ‘I love you, but I cannot do anything to you,’ – respect holds that boundary. Just like two ballroom dancers who support one another and come together to create something magical and beautiful there is a space in between – that space is respect. Another bonus is that respectful love allows for desire to always exist because attraction is created by being separate. See if you can imagine your ideal relationship with this clear boundary filled with love and desire.”

    We are here to support you on your path to love.

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew



  18.  #18Lizka on December 5, 2011 at 10:49 am

    I was suppose to go see a movie with my mom tomorrow and she just canceled due to a car problem. And I was suppose to go dinner with a girl friend but she has to work… I have no plan all week. Bouuuuuh!

    I’m not desapointed actually. I am gonna take that time to start my Christmas shopping, it’s gonna put me in a good mood. I loooove Christmas shopping!



  19.  #19Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 10:50 am

    Feelings are like an ocean wave. When we allow ourselves to feel our feelings and express them it is like the wave crashing onto the shore and then receding. This allows another emotion to reveal itself.

    2. Know and enforce your boundaries.

    First you must become aware of when you are allowing your boundaries to be crossed. Your emotions are the sign. If you allow someone in close and it feels unsafe, uncomfortable or uneasy then you have allowed him or her to cross your boundary. Become aware of what it feels like when someone crosses your boundaries.

    The easiest way to enforce your boundaries once you’ve discovered them is to honor your “No.” Many people are afraid to say no, but when we become comfortable saying no then we can truly honor our “Yes.”

    From Orna Walters email



  20.  #20Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 10:55 am

    More from Orna

    “During any repetitive action that doesn’t require a lot of brainpower, repeat a mantra or affirmation like:

    “I love and approve and accept myself.”
    “I am worth loving.”
    “There is plenty of love for everyone, including me.”

    Doing this while exercising, doing the dishes, brushing your teeth, walking up a few flights of stairs, strolling the aisles at the supermarket, or any other common daily activity will go a long way towards changing that negative internal voice.

    Remember, what you are saying to yourself about yourself is key to learning to love yourself. This is your chance to be a good parent to your inner child and tell her how much you love and appreciate her.”



  21.  #21Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Here are some ideas for low cost to no cost Inner Child Dates:

    Draw with crayons.

    http://creatingloveonpurpose.com/_blog/Free_Articles/tag/inner_child_date/



  22.  #22mali on December 5, 2011 at 11:12 am

    I’m really confused.
    I have a CD who I haven’t met as yet who dropped me a text today asking how I was and how my weekend had been.
    (He has previously said he’d keep in touch with me and find out when I’m free).
    So we had a short text conversation that went something like this:

    “Hi how are you. Thought I’d just drop a quick line. Good weekend? x”
    “Hey, it’s been… eventful! And yours?”
    “Good fun as always caught up with old mates over a drink or two. Just waiting for the school hols now x”
    “I can’t wait for the holidays… I may be going to Dubai!”
    “Very nice!”

    So, I appreciate that he thought of me. But I’d rather meet him instead of exchanging texts.

    I’m texting him saying, “Hmm, I’m feeling a little confused… I don’t like texting people too much before I actually meet them. What do you think?”

    I’m feeling really scared to send this, actually.



  23.  #23Susan on December 5, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Sweetpea,

    I am really enjoying reading your posts in general and I find myself agreeing with you on your parenting POV.



  24.  #24Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 11:22 am

    mali how about “It would feel nice to go on a date”.

    What are you feeling confused about?



  25.  #25mali on December 5, 2011 at 11:34 am

    Hmm, I’d like him to step up and suggest that, actually.

    I’m feeling confused, as he said he would keep in touch to find out when I’m free. He’s kept in touch, but hasn’t asked when I’m free.
    I don’t want to have text conversations with people before I meet them… not for this long, anyway, as I think it’s been three weeks since he first suggested a date, but I wasn’t free at the time.

    And whew, I sent the text. And part of me was shaking, because I’m putting myself in this position where I could possibly be rejected. It scares me. Rejection scares me. Someone saying they don’t care about how I feel, after I’ve expressed vulnerability scares me.

    And I think this goes back to issues with my mother… there were instances when I had broken down in the past, and I had wanted affection and some love. But due to my mother’s own issues, she was unable to offer me that love. And as a child, I took it personally. I took it as rejection- I thought she just didn’t care enough, or love me enough.

    I thought I had healed this, but no- it’s still there. I feel like crying. I want to take care of this little girl inside me who’s scared that noone will care about how she feels.



  26.  #26Emerson on December 5, 2011 at 11:47 am

    (((Mali)))
    25
    Wow, it’s so freeing yet scary for me when I realize things like this about rejection in my own past…but it’s at that point that we can cycle past it…

    hugs,
    Emerson



  27.  #27Emerson on December 5, 2011 at 11:48 am

    20 awww I really like this..I felt better just reading it thanks FW



  28.  #28Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 12:21 pm

    I got that from Rori’s Reconnect CDs.

    Mali boundaries are rules you create for yourself, per Rori. If you feel uncomfortable with “imaginary text relationships”, stop responding. He will get it or tell him you prefer telephone conversations or face to face meetings, then stop.



  29.  #29Sweetpea on December 5, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    Susan @ 24,

    Thank you! That felt good to read. I feel sad about the whole child-rearing thing. I guess I was always a bit in the “spare the rod, spoil the child” and “there’s a difference between spanking and beating” camp. Daria has opened my eyes a bit to the fact that it’s not quite so cut and dry as that.

    My Mom told me, God rest her, that you must never spank a child in anger and there was always lots of talking, training and love whenever she or my Dad disciplined us. And there were always hugs and “I love yous” afterwards. I can honestly say I never had a hand laid on me in anger and I think that makes a HUGE difference. I feel sad to think that maybe lots of parents weren’t as aware as mine around this.

    Thank you, thank you and warm hugs to you!



  30.  #30Liz on December 5, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    Hi everybody,
    First thanks for the post on loving the misery, Rori!
    Today I am a grieving siren, my dear, totally inspiring, laughter-yoga teaching, loving friend transitioned to spirit…..
    I feel happy that she has found relief and she looks good in a spiritual sense, but I feel the loss of her….
    I know how much better I would feel if I contacted my friend who has a girlfriend and told him about it, but I am trying to give him space to come to me…..is this an okay reason to contact him?
    Should I just sink into my feelings? I feel so sad, she was such a beautiful person and so loving….
    Liz



  31.  #31Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 12:56 pm

    Liz if he knows her and does not know, I would.



  32.  #32Liz on December 5, 2011 at 1:02 pm

    FW,
    You are a sweetheart to reply to my dilemna, no he does not know her. It is just that he has been one of my closest confidantes and he knows about her dying process. I was scheduled to give him a chakra balancing and healing one day and an hour before hand my friend Kate called me up to tell me she way dying. So I was upset and told him…..it is purely selfish on my part, I know he will hear me and see me.
    BTW, I am going to check out that tapping link in a few secs, that should help me shift from this needy vibe.
    Thank-you femininewoman for being a friend.
    Best,
    Liz



  33.  #33Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Well Liz I would say share it if you don’t have romantic interests in him. If you do and are using it as an excuse to create a connection it could come across as strategy.

    I love to look at different scenarios as it also help me to see myself in them.



  34.  #34Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 1:15 pm

    By the way Liz the link is about breaking negative vows we hold in our chakras. I guess it is similar to that work you do; I feel intrigued



  35.  #35lk on December 5, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    @Liz

    I’m sorry to hear about your friend.



  36.  #36lk on December 5, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    @FW

    I think I have a vow to feel guilty about everything. Every little thing!

    Oh, well, I can break that. I don’t want to feel guilty! I want to feel pleased & joyful & appreciative & interested : )



  37.  #37lk on December 5, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    terrifying! i just forwarded an email to my boss with, “please see below. it made me feel a little sad.”

    Feeling messages at work!! EEK. though i do use them in speaking…. in email it feels risky & unprofessional. but i can still do that.



  38.  #38lk on December 5, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    YESSS quick response “Good point.” & asking me to fix it the good way : )))

    also, i was really inspired & impressed when he was talking in our meeting & one guy said, yeah, he’s going to do it for us for free. then bossman said, i want to pay him. if i need to ask for a favor, i can ask for a favor, but if we have money, i want to pay people. everyone should get paid & be happy. what a nice perspective!



  39.  #39Daria on December 5, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    Mali – i would encourage you to appreciate it (even with the puky feelings) and with babysteps train yourself to be turned of by BAD BEHAVIOR rather than by a man’s insecurity (if the insecurity is that bad, it will turn into neglect and BAD BEHAVIOR, so you are safe from stifling anyways). This is what im practicing

    and its also ok to tell a man i got from Rori, that we’re feeling a bit overwhelmed …so that he can make the adjustments to better facilitate how to help us open up



  40.  #40lk on December 5, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    & the lady who didn’t share with me on friday was being so rude in the meeting today…but before she came some of her communication was criticized by others, which made me feel less alone in my problems with her…. less bxtchy, actually… hm

    i’m going to the gym after this to do some weights & maybe even run a little if i remembered good shoes..



  41.  #41Daria on December 5, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    thank you God and Daria for making me wake up feleing good, not totally sick . wow

    God thank you for your reassurance tht it’s ok to pray for ‘little things’ like waking up wihtout a cold

    that felt scary for me and wow

    babysteps

    big hugs



  42.  #42Lizka on December 5, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    I feel exhausted and hungry. I feel happy to be home even thought I had a nice day. Was training a new guy so it went fast…

    And I still feel hopeful that S will call me. Maybe by the end of the week to propose another spotaneous date? I know I should not focus on that, but it makes me happy to think about it! πŸ™‚



  43.  #43Emerson on December 5, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    I’m feeling like a big f&ck up today with lots and lots of NVs circulating around telling me “Emerson is a f&ck up on so many levels now and also in the past”…it’s due to some financial issues…I’m really fighting with this right now.

    Tried some tapping earlier…so I’m working on shifting it, but it’s been feeling like a challenge.

    I’m also comparing myself with others and I know that is bad.



  44.  #44Jilly on December 5, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    Starla…#16…YES!! absolutely..I’m there too…noticing when I feel happy about a man “doing” something…and wanting to be happy regardless.. this is where the magic is…in ALL of life!! Love it!! and Yay! it feels so good to hear they miss us πŸ™‚



  45.  #45mali on December 5, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Emerson- 26:

    Thankyou so much for the hugs, love. I SO appreciate it <3

    FW- 28

    Hmm… I felt bad reading that, and I'm feeling triggered.
    Like, I'm thinking- duh, Mali, you should know this! Hmm…

    But yes, I agree. He hasn't responded, and I think I'm finding my boundaries… it doesn't feel good to me, which I've expressed.

    The ball's in his court, now. If he doesn't respond, or if he tries to initiate another conversation, I'll either not reply, or simply state again, "I don't feel good about having text conversations with someone before I've met them".

    For now, I will simply "be".

    @Daria- 39: Thankyou for that πŸ™‚ I do feel really puky, and I will tell him that I feel overwhelmed… as for a man's insecurity, I'll try and overlook it. See, I'm so used to reading people, and intuitively I can get a feel for what a person is like. And when it comes to insecurity… with young boys, I feel motherly towards them. But with men who like me? I don't want to do anything about it. That's their "stuff"



  46.  #46Jilly on December 5, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Emerson…(((HUGS))..the comparing thing is hard not to do..

    I’m really liking what Daria said…

    Just this weekend when I was at the movies with S..I felt he was too into me for a little bit..and I don’t like that feeling…but I just went with it…and the feeling didn’t last very long

    I am healing this!! wahoo
    I am healing liking “bad behavior” and turning towards loving behavior…

    and meeting S for dinner the first time..my first reaction..was NOPE not for me…

    but now I am feeling so loving and soft towards him



  47.  #47Jilly on December 5, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Mali..that would be hard for me too…just sayin



  48.  #48Jilly on December 5, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Mali..that would be hard for me too…just sayin



  49.  #49Lizka on December 5, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Tonight, I am taking care of myself. I had a nice healthy dinner and I am going to bed at 7pm for a loooong beauty sleep. πŸ™‚

    I feel tired and i have my periods and I want to be in good shape so the week goes faster an the weekend comes faster also.

    Good night sirens!



  50.  #50Daria on December 5, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    Happy Birthday Sweetpea!



  51.  #51Sweetpea on December 5, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    Daria @ 50 – Thanks!!! xoxo



  52.  #52Queenbee on December 5, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    How can this be? – When I was ‘practicing’ I ended up with real feelings for TangoMan. While I was getting over him, I was still ‘practicing’, yet it felt real. I was really hurt and sad. How can you practice with a man without having real feelings? It just doesn’t work. Perhaps the sadness is around the big picture – me, men and relationships. That’s probably it. So I’m just reacting to myself. Hmm, interesting. Who knows….

    I’m now over him. Or at least I feel better.

    Two things: After two years of knowing someone if we have spent more time apart then dating, I’m just over it. The sparks’ gone. I regret all the time we could have spent getting to know each other, dating, traveling, loving each other and sex. So, I feel bleurgh… there’s no point anymore.

    It’s so clear that he was just ‘not that into me’ for lack of a better description. Or not the one. That feels easier.

    Btw, I’ve been reading Evan Marc Katz. He really cuts to the chase. I can see why Rori speaks so highly of him. Such a breath of fresh air to understand the male perspective.

    Yay for me, and good luck to me! πŸ™‚



  53.  #53Daria on December 5, 2011 at 4:18 pm


  54.  #54tinque on December 5, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    Happy! Happy!! Happy!!! Sweetpea…

    Sending love.

    xxoo



  55.  #55Queenbee on December 5, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    I’m having trouble sleeping. Now I just ate a mini size M&Ms and a mini KitKat and drank a glass of apple juice. Ick, weird. I guess I needed the sugar, which I don’t usually take. I must be ovulating.

    I feel nervous talking about ‘women things’ on a public forum, even if it is predominantly female. I feel judgmental of myself in general.

    I’d love to just be open, take down my armour and be me.

    Something to heal.

    babysteps….



  56.  #56luzydel on December 5, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    I feel angry
    Jealous
    humiliated
    rejected
    Lonely

    ANGRY!!!

    S birthday is next weekend, he has a party and all and I feel jealous and angry…

    When he broke up with me he said I do not fit in his social circle…

    His friends think he is American, but he doesn’t even has a green card; his friends think he owns his place, but it is on his parents name… How can I like someone that think is better than me, is so fake, and so pathetic!

    Then I start to feel compassion, I even feel sorry for him, he needs approval, to be accepted, It is sad to be him….

    Me on the other hand have a great job, a few good friends that know everything about me, but still love me, and amazing kid, and HOPE that one day a good man will love me…

    I want to cry, I admit that I am angry at myself for falling for such a lie of a man…he played the victim, saying women always reject him, I felt safe to be open and vulnerable, and BAM! he showed his true colors…

    I don’t want a sermon here, I know I will be fine and that I will meet a nice guy again…but right now I feel what I feel, and I am learning to love it.



  57.  #57Sweetpea on December 5, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    @54 – Thank you Dominique! I’m accepting all the love I can get these days! πŸ˜€

    BTW, Love, love your new website!



  58.  #58mali on December 5, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    47- Jilly

    I’m not sure what you’re referring to? Feeling curious, but supported πŸ™‚



  59.  #59Queenbee on December 5, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Yeah, FMs at work. After my bad experience, I decided to choose my battles. I don’t associate with men who are not chivalrous and behave badly. It’s a huge gender issue that’s in the world and not my duty to change. Recognizing that, was for me, a huge burden lifted. Now I play the gender card to my advantage and work smart πŸ™‚

    Yay for me! Again πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚



  60.  #60Queenbee on December 5, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Happy Birthday Sweetpea! Have a lovely one!! πŸ™‚



  61.  #61Queenbee on December 5, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    Loving the misery is the best thing I’ve read. I’ve been wondering what to do with all the misery… this feels good. Another way of giving to myself.

    Gnite Sirens x



  62.  #62Sweetpea on December 5, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Thank you, Queenbee! I feel lovely and acknowledged today! Woke up to lots of birthday wishes! πŸ˜€ But…my birthday lunch got canceled due to the weather. πŸ™

    It’s been great, anyway! I made lemonade with those lemons! Yum!!



  63.  #63Daria on December 5, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    I feel so wowed

    i was gettin sick last nite, i mean already hot in the head sleepy and headachy

    usully for me this means 3 days of gettin sick.

    well my CD had this spray calld Zican its homeopathic

    i tried a bit of it and… i felt better! i was able to go on another CD and asked him to buy me one

    i used it several times last nite, and then woke up today feeling sore throaty but NOT sick

    then the sore throat has been going away and i am gradually improving on my level of energy to where now i feel like almost totally well

    if i hadnt known i was getting sick i wouldnt even know now

    wow wow wow!

    super recommend this Zican, i got it at walgreens the spray kind



  64.  #64LILI 41 on December 5, 2011 at 5:09 pm

    Hi Jilly,

    As promised, here is the link to the picture of my warm giving man hands that I bought on Saturday.
    Scroll down to the bottom of the page to item no 132 of the catalog.
    I set them right in the entrance.
    I walked in tonight and put my keys in them.
    They feel so welcoming, supportive and compassionate.
    They really do inspire those feelings in me.

    http://www.dapila.com/danielpierrelamothe/anglcatatogtile.html



  65.  #65Liz on December 5, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    Happy Birthday to Lizka!!!!



  66.  #66Liz on December 5, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    He he…..using feeling messages on my representatives to get support for creating hope act for medicines for sick kids…..
    here’s what I wrote

    This is what I wrote to my representatives.
    My son Jasper is 11 and he spent his entire elementary school years in treatment for acute lymphocytic leukemia. He and other children are often enduring very long treatment protocols because there is only 1% of the cancer research dollars allocated to childhood cancer research. They are enduring chemical cocktail regimens that are over 20 years old. It really does not feel good for me to explain that fact to him, that kids do not count as far as research dollars go.



  67.  #67Liz on December 5, 2011 at 5:22 pm

    Whoops, i meant happy birthday Sweetpea!!!!!
    Hope you have/had a great day.
    (I am still getting everybody straight!)



  68.  #68LILI 41 on December 5, 2011 at 5:23 pm

    I found the dvd of the movie “He’s not that into You” for 5 bucks! at HMV.
    Woohoo! πŸ™‚
    Love that movie!



  69.  #69LILI 41 on December 5, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Happy birthday SweatPea!!! xox



  70.  #70Liz on December 5, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Oh, no! I didn’t mean to but I contacted him….I sent out a generic email to a bunch of friends asking them to support this legislation for medicines for kids who have rare diseases and this is what he wrote me back…..

    “Hey how are you?

    Wow. I hear your voice here. I think it would be great if you spearheaded something locally like maybe around Dartmouth Hitchcock or Fletcher Allen.

    Hope to “catch up” sometime when you’re ready.”

    What do I do? What does ‘catch up’ mean? Is he going to tell me he wants to stay with his girlfriend….I feel so nervous….I feel tightness in my heart and throat…this is just a trigger…I feel that is a positive sign he wants to catch up and the trigger has to do with confusing father/men signals…I feel scared he is going to tell me he made a mistake….It is too hard to trust my feelings and be surprised…but I will go pray and meditate and make sense of this BEFORE I WRITE HIM BACK and I will choose my words.
    Thank-you so much for giving me the space to be insecure and feel these feelings and process them….I am so grateful for this community….someday I know I will be in a fantastic relationship and I will be encouraging a new siren on here….
    Hugs



  71.  #71tenny on December 5, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    @ Rori

    Channeling is painful at first. Uncomfortable on good days. But IF I want to change, I must do it. I am dealing with my feelings up front and center. Facing myself, I’m always glad afterwards.



  72.  #72tenny on December 5, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    @ Mali (7)

    WOW!!!! What a sweet letter!!!



  73.  #73lk on December 5, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    @Liz

    DHMC????? omg i feel nostalgic & loving : )



  74.  #74tenny on December 5, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETPEA!!!



  75.  #75lk on December 5, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    @Daria

    Do not use the zican nasal spray! I’m pretty sure they don’t sell it anymore actually…

    But, yes i have also heard it is a good product… i’ll make sure to get some to have on hand : )))

    Glad you feel good!!!!



  76.  #76lk on December 5, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    @Sweetpea

    Happy birthday!!



  77.  #77lk on December 5, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    hi, tenny : )



  78.  #78Liz on December 5, 2011 at 6:30 pm

    Hi Ik
    thanks for your post….i feel slow on the uptake….he, he what does DHMC?????? mean? glad it made you feel nostalgic



  79.  #79tenny on December 5, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    Hi IK!



  80.  #80tenny on December 5, 2011 at 6:40 pm

    @ Liz:

    No way am I an expert here, but I’m feeling maybe you shouldn’t respond to his email except in a general “thanks” one sentence kind of way. He did not reach out to you initially to give you. Know what I mean?



  81.  #81Sweatpea on December 5, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Liz, Lili41, Tenny and lk –

    Thank you all for the happy wishes! πŸ˜€



  82.  #82lk on December 5, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    went to get some cider & i could see the cute one…. made sure to look cute before i went up to pay – even though i already decided NOT to date men who work in liquor stores or bars…not sure if that’s fair, but i did decide that – & he said, “well i think i’ve been missing you for a few weeks…” lol i only go in 1x/week about…. & i was like, oh, haha, have you been away? & he said, oh, actually i only work here a couple nights a week – i have a “real” job. LOL well, thanks, man – no you can have a CD name since you told me that… i’ll call him mexican beer CD because we were chatting about mexican food the first time i ever stopped in there to get some beer. welcome to the fold, MBcd – it was getting a little lonely & piney in here before you arrived with your cute little face & your weird jokes….



  83.  #83lk on December 5, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    @Liz dartmouth hitchcock medical center : )

    & i feel a little strange that he said, “when you’re ready” ….. um….. i think i agree with tenny, that you could say something like, “thanks! that feels great to hear some encouraging words & it would feel nice to catch up.” & then just see what he does… what do you think?



  84.  #84Liz on December 5, 2011 at 7:00 pm

    Tenny
    you are right…i really did not mean to email him…and if i really feel my feelings, i feel mad at him for hugging me and telling me he was aroused by me when he has a girlfriend…i still can’t stop thinking about that hug….and i am obsessing over what to say in the email back to him….this is giving the power over to him….thanks so much….i am going to hit the delete button….thanks
    ik
    you mean dartmouth hitchcock medical center…i got it..



  85.  #85Sweatpea on December 5, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    My comment is in moderation. What the?



  86.  #86Sweatpea on December 5, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    Hey Rori!

    I’m not sure what happened…I had to re-enter all my information and now it’s treating me as if I’m new. No worries! I just wanted to take the opportunity to tell you “hi!” and thank you for all your great advice!!! Muah!



  87.  #87tenny on December 5, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    @ IK

    Even if you don’t actually go out on a date with him you can practice practice practice!! “Mexican Beer CD” is a cool one!



  88.  #88Butterfly wings on December 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Happy birthday sweetpea!!



  89.  #89Butterfly wings on December 5, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Happy birthday sweetpea!!



  90.  #90Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    Liz I think he was just being polite. I would assume he is not expecting a response. Or at least that he will forget about my email. He got an email, it was the polite thing to do. I would ignore it.



  91.  #91Femininewoman on December 5, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    Sweetpea Happy Birthday



  92.  #92Butterfly wings on December 5, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    Oops double post!

    TH and I are going out for dinner tonight and I’m looking forward to it. It’s the first time in ages since we last went to dinner together.

    I’ve decided not to bring up the email he’s still not replied to – I just want tonight to be pleasant and fun so if we talk about it, it’ll be because he brought it up.

    Tonight I shall practise physically leaning back and letting him lead the conversation. And I want to be as girly as possible.

    Meanwhile, I’m on a 21 day “Holiday Hottie” challenge, which includes 21 days of healthy eating and regular exercise.

    I started yesterday and despite my chocolate cravings, I feel fantastic!! πŸ™‚



  93.  #93lk on December 5, 2011 at 7:45 pm

    speaking of practice,

    i’m curious to know about other women’s meditation practices…..

    questions i have include: must you really sit still? & also, i’m scared…? & also, music or no music or mantras or posture or time limits (& do you set a timer or something?)???? & also, how do you make sure you come back – are you also scared? i feel terrified



  94.  #94lk on December 5, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    @Rori

    Misery loves company? So “join” it : )



  95.  #95lk on December 5, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    join is like joint is like pain is like painting is like crying is like sobbing is like laughing is like children is like gardens is like cabbage is like brain is like wave is like ocean is like peace



  96.  #96lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:04 pm

    @BW 89

    “I’ve decided not to bring up the email he’s still not replied to – I just want tonight to be pleasant and fun so if we talk about it, it’ll be because he brought it up. ”

    i feel curious, if you are still thinking about it…. could you say tonight, yes, i am really feeling good out with you… yes i do like you… yes & i do still sometimes feel curious about how you will respond to my feelings i shared in my email the other day… yes, i want you to feel open & not pressured about when you share with me or what you share & i do feel interested what your response will be to my feelings……..” & on – very gentle, just being authentic…. what do you think?

    congratulations on the health challenge – sounds fun!



  97.  #97lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    oh, thank god. spice girls just came on my itunes shuffle.



  98.  #98lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:16 pm

    OK saying goodbye to 2 guilty beliefs:

    1) that i need to “own” property – no, i don’t; i don’t believe in proprietary relationships & it’s a waste of my personal resources to attempt ownership.

    2) that i should “save” money in a bank – no, i don’t want that; i don’t trust banks & i prefer to invest in resources, art & knowledge. some savings is fine, well-distributed over multiple accounts. but not in some painful, grasping, clutching sense.

    see? lk can say “no.”

    or, actually, i do say, YES! : ) I say, GOODBYE : )



  99.  #99Tiffany on December 5, 2011 at 8:18 pm

    I *LOVE* this post!!

    Short, sweet and to the point.

    Plus, I just love the idea of the “Happy Channel.”

    I’m going to think about being on the “Happy Channel” all the time. It’s my new favorite channel.

    Thanks, Rori!! πŸ™‚



  100.  #100lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:32 pm

    i really should have said i don’t *believe* in banks, not that i don’t trust them : )



  101.  #101Butterfly wings on December 5, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    Thanks lk. I really just want tonight to be a 100% pleasant experience and I really don’t need an answer today so see no point in bringing it up till another time.

    If it was something that was really bothering me and I was feeling really bad about at the time then of course I would have to bring it up as I no longer want to stuff my feelings.

    Right now I feel good and happy and am really just looking forward to a night out with him more than anything else.

    Tomorrow I may feel differently of course! πŸ˜‰



  102.  #102lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    just ate spinach & cottage cheese on toast with vodka sauce…. now spaghetti squash with vodka-marinara meat sauce… have all the stuff for a great breakfast souffle…. wow that sounds good… i hope that dumb bowl works since i don’t have a souffle dish : /

    dry baguette, 2 eggs, a little milk, a little cottage cheese, a little yogurt, spinach torn up mixed in, first cook the potatoes under the broiler with the bacon, add the onions, & i actually want a little vodka sauce in the egg mixture too.

    feel guilty for making this note here on this blog… feels a little like pollution… & i feel guilty for distracting other women from themselves & their journeys with my nonsense recipes for the morning… but i do like you all & thank you for sharing this space with me



  103.  #103Daria on December 5, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    men are so cute



  104.  #104Daria on December 5, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    lk that feels bad to read about polluting πŸ™ i like your recipes



  105.  #105lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    wow, awesome, looks like i can use my castiron pot in the oven as a souffle dish? someone please alert me before 5am tomorrow morning if this sounds like a horrible idea… thank you : )



  106.  #106Daria on December 5, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    thank you Daria for taking good care of me

    im going to Hawaii tomorrow nite

    i still want to be eaten till i cry

    it felt wonderful with LoverCD and i want it to feel even better now

    i want to feel comfortable to relax and monitor nothing and not worry about controlling ANYTING and not worry about the guy getting bored

    and just cry that another person is willing to care that much to please me attentding my body signals



  107.  #107lk on December 5, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    thanks, daria! Yes, i do not believe in pollution : )

    goodnight, monday… tuesday……… mmmm i feel excited to meet you : )))



  108.  #108nita on December 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Hi everyone i just wanted to comment on something I have learned about dating. I have learned to be very careful about sharing romantic life with certain friends/family members. For one, they only know what we tell them and sometimes even with the best intentions it can cloud us from our own intuition/intentions bad or good. I shared a dating experience with a family member and from what seemed like a fun thing to share with some hope this person even with the best intentions made me feel doubtful of it, and even scared. Im like an open book howeve there are things in life that need monitoring…our friends could be saying things based on their own experiences but if theyve had alot of dissappointments, they could be coming from that place. as far as im concerned Im gonna be careful with this with close friends because they can be negative and it feels dissapointing and uneasy



  109.  #109nita on December 5, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    I feel brave and I feel hopeful, I wont listen to anyone but myself first. i must follow my intuition, feel my feeling and come from that place.
    i feel relaxed when I think about how everything in life is just one step at i time…and following my feelings in the present moment…sigh it feels nice



  110.  #110Tiffany on December 5, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    I just had the most interesting thing happen…Last night, I was at my friend’s for dinner, and I happened to mention A. It didn’t come out of the blue. She was actually talking about how she was so nervous on her first date with her partner. And I said yea, that was how I felt with A. And that he was so nice and so attractive. And I kind of missed him, but I didn’t know where that was going, or what happened to him.

    Well, talk about the Universe answering your prayers before you’ve even made them! Later in the evening, I found that I had a text from him – from right about the time we were having that conversation! lol

    I have no idea if I played the whole thing okay. After a bit, I texted him back. A couple hours later, he texted me again, but I was just going to bed. So he said good night πŸ™‚

    today, I texted to just ask what was up. He was driving, so I said he could text me later. And an hour or so later, he called me. (!). That was nice. It was very sweet. He was all, hi, how are you, and stuff. He even asked me about my cat – so cute! But he was asking what was new with me, and I went into this who rigamarole of I was doing this and that, and such and such. It was very detail-oriented. I just wanted to say *something.* And I truly was excited about what I’m doing with my business. But after a bit, I realized that I was just babbling on, and that it was totally un-sexy. So I shut up, and pulled back, ever so slightly – emotionally. And I think he responded. But then he just ended the conversation by saying that he was going to the gym.

    It’s so strange. I haven’t heard from him in weeks. And now he wants to just talk and say hi, and that’s it? lol. guys are weird.

    But I guess I just let it be. I didn’t push for anything, because…what’s to push for? he contacted me. He can tell me what he wants. If he wants something.

    I know I was running my mouth off because I was nervous. And I like him *blush*

    Maybe he was just testing to see if the waters were warm. I have no idea. Well. Anyhoopla. I guess he’s just going to do his guy thing and be a guy. Ha!

    I bought myself a cute little potted rose today. It looked so charming, and I just loved the deep magenta color. It was $5 so I splurged. On *moi*!

    I <3 me.

    Yay!



  111.  #111Tiffany on December 5, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    Mmm, I also have a sexy pen-pal in Canada now! actually, I *am* the sexy pen-pal! lol

    tonight, I had to ask him to dial back the sexiness for me, just a little bit, to a more comfortable level. I don’t think he was trying to offend me. He seems pretty sweet and is apparently just very turned on by my personality – what can I say? Can I blame the guy???;)))))))



  112.  #112Sweatpea on December 6, 2011 at 1:19 am

    BW and FW,

    Thank you!



  113.  #113Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 1:44 am

    ARGH!!!! Well… tonight started off great… then it turned to sh*t. πŸ™

    We had dinner and were just chatting about life in general when he mentioned that he went across the road to the pub today – with the MARRIED WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!

    So although I didn’t get angry, I was clearly upset but didn’t say much. He knew I wasn’t happy.

    Then later he went on to say that the only reason they went there was to talk because she was getting angry and yelling at him at work. I replied “Is THAT what I need to do to get invited is it?”. No response.

    I can’t believe this.

    I also can’t believe that he still decided to come back to my place tonight. It’s not like we’re actually talking to each other right now – he’s on his laptop and I’m on mine. I don’t know. Maybe he’ll want to talk once he’s calmed down.

    I don’t know whether to yell, cry, scream or whatever….

    I’m trying to come up with some FM’s for this. All I can think of is “This feels REALLY bad and I don’t want to feel this way”…… πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™



  114.  #114Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 1:56 am

    You know, this wouldn’t be such an issue if he EVER invited me somewhere through the day – but he totally ignores me during the day. Totally – unless I need to talk to him about something work-related.

    Back when he was actively pursuing the married woman, he would ask her to go get coffee with him – EVERY day.

    So I get ignored, but he is STILL doing things with her during the day, even if it’s rarely.

    And he seems to think that the fact that he took me to dinner is enough to make that ok??? NO! It’s NOT ok!



  115.  #115Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 2:12 am

    It was never rare before. It’s rare now that he asks her to do things with him. And that’s because she made it VERY clear to him that she isn’t interested.

    So I suppose it wouldn’t be a rare thing if he had any say in it. Doesn’t stop me feeling mad though….

    I feel like my feelings don’t matter. But I can’t say that – too blamey….

    I feel sad and angry. I don’t want to share him or any man, with another woman. Ever.

    But what’s stupid about this, is that the other woman isn’t interested in him like that anymore (but despite that, she’s STILL happy to go for a drink with him alone at the pub – KNOWING I WILL BE UPSET IF I FIND OUT!). Yeah I’m mad at her too…. how could she?????

    What my head is telling me to do right now is to just WALK AWAY. Actually, it’s telling me to RUN and never look back!

    My heart on the other hand is feeling very torn…

    I’m thinking I might re-send that email, saying, “It would feel good to have some certainty in my life, so I’d really appreciate it if you could give me some indication of what you want”….

    If he wants to live the single life so he can have beers at the pub with her with no implications, then fine. But he can’t have me as well.

    Right now his actions are telling me that’s what he wants. I need to know for certain that’s how he feels so I can make a decision based on that. Of course I’ll walk if he wants having drinks with her during the day while ignoring me to keep being ok in his eyes….



  116.  #116Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 2:36 am

    (((((Butterfly Wings)))))

    Please send your feelings to your pelvis, breath and don’t say something you might regret. Taking time of a good feeling message is a good idea. I would love to take time to help you finding one since you’re always so nice and helping me but I have to get ready for work. (I feel sad and guilty about that) If I think of something while in the shower, I’ll let you know!!!

    Think of yourself first and of your boundaries. Like FW said earlier, if it doesn’t feel good, you most probably have crossed your boundary. Find a good way to let him know without pointing at him.

    xoxo siren



  117.  #117Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 2:40 am

    Oh Lizka don’t feel sad OR guilty! I appreciate the fact that you’re even thinking of me, so thank you. πŸ™‚

    I did already send the email…. I’m not sure if I should have sent it, but I needed to say what I said. I just hope I said it “right”…

    I told him that I need some certainty in my life and right now I felt I had none, and that if he wanted to live the single life and chase other women, then that was fine – but I don’t want to be a part of his life if that’s what he wants to do.

    I also told him what NOT choosing the single life means (I get priority over ANY woman – as I should!), and I expressed that I will accept any decision he makes.

    So I think he now knows that if he wants to keep chasing her, then I’m gone. On the other hand, if he chooses to stop doing that and picks me over any other woman, then lucky him! He gets me! πŸ˜€

    Either way I win though. I either get the relationship I want, or I get to be FREE to go and find somebody who will truly love me! xx



  118.  #118RiverGirl on December 6, 2011 at 2:45 am

    BW

    I can really sense your anger and hurt in these posts and so want to be supportive and to give you good advice. What jumps out at me though is that you said he was there and you were both on your separate laptops. I bet he can pick up on your vibe and it will be building a wall which is so not what you want.

    Can you find a way to change the vibe? Maybe just make yourself a cuppa and go and sit on the back step by yourself. Just sink into your feelings or think or how you want your life to be, with or without him. Make some plans to completely change your routine. Maybe instead of being at home at night when he comes over, be unexpectedly somewhere else, change everything, rearrange your bedroom furniture. Look after yourself, get very very busy. Don’t tell him about it, just do it and he’ll notice that you’ve changed and wonder about it.

    Rori has written about this somewhere.



  119.  #119Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 2:54 am

    RG you’re right. I am angry. At him, at me, at her! More at me though, for letting this drag on for as long as it has…

    I am about to go and do some exercise – which is probably the best thing I can think of to do right now – get that frustration out!

    I’ve actually made plans for tomorrow night and did that on the spur of the moment earlier today. So that’ll get me out of the house at least. I also made plans for next Monday night.

    But yeah I can see that I really need to pull back because this living like a married couple is like I’m letting him have his cake and eat it too. NOT good.

    I want MY cake! πŸ˜›



  120.  #120RiverGirl on December 6, 2011 at 2:58 am

    With icing!!!!



  121.  #121Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 3:01 am

    AND sprinkles! πŸ˜€



  122.  #122Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 3:19 am

    Good luck BW. I am sending you some very good vibes. I feel very energetic today πŸ™‚



  123.  #123Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 3:20 am

    Thanks Lizka! I really appreciate it! xxx



  124.  #124Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:21 am

    Thank you Daria for loving me



  125.  #125Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:26 am

    “I feel like my feelings don’t matter”

    I feel so unimportant, second Place and i dont want to feel second place, unloved, neglected, forgotten, small, worthless

    Humiliated angry powerless hopeless helpless



  126.  #126Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:31 am

    ‘d really appreciate it if you could give me some indication of what you want”….’

    He’s never going to do that as he shouldn’t. This is just a ploy on your part to keep holding on to him – and he sees this thought you might not. Men give indications with their actions.

    You have to make your own boundaries. Asking someone else to enforce them is codependent and any healthy person will not go along with it – in other words, it won’t work.

    It’s ok to taje your power back … Evrn to say I don’t want to let him go yet even though I don’t feel good. This is your choice. First you own you have a choice. Then you can make it. You will be ok no matter how long it takes you to get there you will.



  127.  #127Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:39 am

    I actually feel really angry and judgemental. It feels really weird to keep on repeating the same advice to someone and they don’t ever take a step on it.

    I feel angry actually like I’m being ignored, like I’m worthless and unimportant.

    It feels like I’m being abused in a way.

    Hmm

    I wonder what this is about.

    I wasn’t asked for advice but I gave it like I was and now I’m triggered as if I was.

    Oh I feel kinda weird to hear that, I feel kinda unimportant to not have my advice taken into account last time and be asked again. This feels weird and I don’t want to talk about this.

    Actually I feel angry and kinda tight st the top of my booty. I love me.

    Thank you triggers. Loving in my anger, loving on my feeling ignored.

    Loving on my this feels weird feeling.



  128.  #128Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:40 am

    Sorry my post above may come off as judgemental.

    I don’t want to judge.

    I intent to heal my trigger around this.



  129.  #129Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:43 am

    Perhaps the man here really wants this woman but is pushed away by the drama and codependency in communication. That is not a healthy relationship and he would like one.

    I feel so judgemental reading thinking about this. I wonder where I’m judging myself.

    Am I dramatic and codependent seeking?

    Yes

    Wow sometimes huh.

    I want to heal this.



  130.  #130tenny on December 6, 2011 at 4:45 am

    (((((BW)))))

    Sweetie, I feel this so deeply!!! OMG I’ve been there lately. You can only control you, and you can only change you. He is hurting your siren soul, free yourself for a little while at least, step back . . . step back far to be safe for your heart and your feelings and breathe. Practice your siren tools and feel better (sea of emotions). Then deal with him, the thought of him – or NOT πŸ™‚ Remember, everything is YOUR CHOICE, but take care of yourself first and feel safe in your heart. These two are playing some game and your world is bigger than that and them!!! Many hugs and positive feelings for you.

    tenny



  131.  #131Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:47 am

    So sorry for my judgements here. I feel a lot of stored anger and resentment around this trigger. I want to heal this. I wonder what this will feel like healed.

    I guess under my ck trol is me feeling panicked and like my stomach is turning bad. Helpless and oh noey ugh

    It’s all ok Daria. All.



  132.  #132lk on December 6, 2011 at 4:49 am

    i’m up super early for yoga & then tonight there’s an industry party downtown which i only know about through a statewide listserv. i’m going alone & it sounds terrifying to do that…. what if i see people from work like Big Men, you know? that sounds scary… what if bossman sees & thinks i’m schmoozing for a new job… well, i’m not. & if that makes him a little nervous, that’s ok too : ) i can be open & easy & warm even downtown in snow at a loud party with only strangers who know more than i know : ))))) yay lk!! i love you!



  133.  #133lk on December 6, 2011 at 4:52 am

    & taking the risk today that my friend might forget to bring me the food she offered, i am not bringing lunch.. ah poor baby lk we can leave or have favors if we have problems : ) ggbaby leave now so you’re ontime



  134.  #134tenny on December 6, 2011 at 4:53 am

    Nita:

    I agree with you. It feels better to keep it to myself and only share these types of experiences with friends who are also CDing (or reading Rori’s materials) and the sirens here on this site. I find many don’t understand CDing and become judgmental. I’m having the time of my life finally (personally growing and enjoying working my way to Mr. Right) – don’t need to joykill of someone who doesn’t understand what I’m experiencing!



  135.  #135tenny on December 6, 2011 at 5:01 am

    @ IK (90)

    I meditate with a candle lit, sitting quietly. I focus either on relaxing each part of my body and then my breathing. Other times I play “spa” or “meditation” music in the background and just focus on my breathing. Another technique is to envision a white (or red or pink or apple green) light above my head that or below my feet that begins to cover my body head to toe. I also do chakra meditation, where you envision a ball of the appropriate color at the point in your body where each chakra resides (there are seven from your pelvis to the top of your head – straight up the spine). Meditation takes me from 10 minutes to an hour. I meditate longer with the music in the background. Supposed to sit in half lotus position, but sometimes I just sit back and meditate – me time anyway I can get it!!!



  136.  #136T-Girl on December 6, 2011 at 5:01 am

    122 Daria – excellent advice!



  137.  #137April Rose on December 6, 2011 at 5:01 am

    “What I love is practicing loving the misery.”

    A-ha! Big aha moment. Okay, misery, next time you hit me I’m gonna love you to little pieces.

    I feel so scared of Misery. I know him very well! He likes to take over my heart and turn it into heavy, grey mush.
    Each time I fall into misery’s arms I fear I’ll never return to happiness. Misery and Despair are an inseperable pair who like to dance a swirly doom in my heart.
    What will happen if I love them?



  138.  #138tenny on December 6, 2011 at 5:02 am

    @ IK

    Yummy Breakfast!! Thanks for recipe!



  139.  #139tenny on December 6, 2011 at 5:05 am

    @ Daria (127)

    ” I wonder what this will feel like healed.” I’ve never considered that feeling, wow, I like it!!! You are just so cool siren lady! I love your posts, I just read them and strive to reach your level! Thanks for sharing that thought.



  140.  #140April Rose on December 6, 2011 at 5:05 am

    Hello Mali,
    I’m feeling connected to you, hearing what’s going on for you with men. I’d like to be open like that, but still feeling shy on the blog.
    I remember you saying that a man a lot older than you had contacted you. How’s that going?



  141.  #141Liz on December 6, 2011 at 5:07 am

    Hi BW!

    Big hug to you.
    Hope you will shift how you feel today and love something really incredibly special about yourself.



  142.  #142Susan on December 6, 2011 at 5:58 am

    RE: 7: mali:

    The first thing I thought of when I read what he wrote was: This man has feminine energy. That may be why you aren’t responding warmly to him.



  143.  #143Lili 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:34 am

    111:

    BW,

    I feel exactly the same way.
    I had dinner at the restaurant w D on Saturday night, and I rehashed my feelings about the married woman.
    That jealousy feeling was triggered bc of our lack of Xmas plans.
    When I told him our relationship was over, he came on strong and told me that he could come w me to my family for Xmas. My family is a 6 or 7 hour drive away.
    Then when I let him back in, he’s not sure he can make it. He conveniently forgot that he had to check w his son to see what he will want to do.
    I told him that his son can come and that he will have lots of fun there w my brother’s kids.
    “Oh, he won’t want to go there.”
    I got triggered bc he conveniently forgot to check that his son has a 3 day hockey tournament while he went on his vacation trip.
    When the married lady asked him if she could tag along w her sister to the vacation trip, he didn’t have to check w his son about the hockey tournament did he.
    My feeling unimportant and unworthy was really triggered, and it came out at dinner after a couple of glasses of wine.

    Rori said in one of her programs that these women being hooked on married men are just scared. They cling to the hope that the married man will leave their wife for them bc they are scared of real intimacy w a man that would be totally available to love just them.

    I really believe that this is the same w your man and mine BW.

    They don’t feel safe w us. They feel safe proritizing women that they can’t have bc they can’t get intimate with them. It’s their fear of intimacy at work.

    But we can’t get into their stuff, that would just push them away.

    I know why I am very scary to a man.
    Honestly, I don’t know how to create safety.
    I know he can’t feel safe if I am constantly hitting him on the head w his mistakes.

    I am having a hard time forgiving myself for the mistakes I made when I did have his full attention and devotion, and for the mistakes I keep making in the way I express my feelings now.

    I suggest you find Feminine Woman’s post w a link to tapping.
    I went on that link last night and tried it.
    I was sceptical and didn’t really believe in the tapping excercise. But I did it anyway and the mantra (sayings) said during the tappings really spoke to me, I really felt the blocking myself.

    FW’s post is somewhere on this thread.



  144.  #144Lili 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:46 am

    BW,

    FemineWoman’s post is #3.
    Allthough the lady speaks of money, success and perfectionism, the core is about our feelings of unworthiness. Those feelings of unworthiness our addressed and how we are blocking ourselves from what we want.
    Even if you don’t believe in tapping, go through the entire video to listen to what she has to say and what you can say to yourself.



  145.  #145Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 7:19 am

    RE 140 Yep. I try to do it everyday because I find it so relevant to all areas of life.

    I honor how special I am
    I totally deserve to receive based on my amazing value
    I choose to shine with my unique briliance with my heart open for all to see
    I am a rockstar and I choose to shine my brilliance.



  146.  #146Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 7:19 am

    Oh no… Strange feeling… I am feeling doubtfull. Maybe the message that E sent me after the weird night we had on Saturday and the feeling message I sent him afterward… Maybe it was sarcastic… Maybe the “If thats how you feel, next time i’ll be more carefull who i bring to social gatherings like that…i guess my guy brain didnt figure it out..” was just for making fun of me and of my feelings?

    Oh no, that doesn’t feel good to think this…



  147.  #147Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 7:22 am

    I feel scared to loose him because of my jealousy…

    I want to send him a cute text message. Just so he knows that I understand that I was wrong to be jealous of him brining a girl to the party if she was not a date… I know it’s a bad idea…



  148.  #148Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Lili41 I encourage you please if you want this man stop telling him the relationship is over. One day he will likely believe you and step away. I have seen that over and over again. You lose their heart bit by bit. They tend to come on strong in those moments because of the energy exchange, you step back they step forward. But when they are by themselves and thinking about it, they might end up feeling resentful towards you. I have heard a coach suggest that that type of response is just like a “in the moment commitment” because they want to avoid your wrath. Then they end up feeling like they have no control over their own lives – which triggers the resentment.

    Tell him he is right, “go do what you want to do” and thank him for the space he is giving you to really see how you feel about him. look at if he is right for you and if he is want you want in your life. (This Rori says in Reconnect is leaning back and taking your power back).



  149.  #149nita on December 6, 2011 at 7:46 am

    Tenny thanks! I feel good establishing my boundaries with certain friends…as far as the guy Im dating at the moment hes so nice and sweet. sometimes but I also feel like its just so easy its hard to believe. Hes so honest and relaxed and sincere, hes a gentleman and all I hear from people around me is “you better watch out etc”…if i have strong boundaries with him and follow my feelings im free so therefore I just have to trust myself and take things one step at a time:)



  150.  #150Liz on December 6, 2011 at 7:59 am

    Sirens,
    I am so challenged by this situation, just wanted to express here….i know i should not have expressed my feeling messages to him, but we do have a history and a friendship and he is my accountant and his office is across the street from my apt, so it feels really bad right now between us. He has been so sweet to me and given me so much free consulting and just two weeks ago told me he would like to date me if he was not in relationship and it was just too hard for me to not express how it made me feel. I am not sure it made me feel better, but at least now i am in touch with how angry I am feeling, since I want a loving man in my life, not someone who does not cherish how i am feeling….
    so here is the text of my message to him and i tried to make it feeling messages, but i think i need more practice….it might seem kind of blamey, but i did see him drive by on sunday with his girlfriend with a christmas tree on top of her car and this is the woman he told me he is not even close to…..i have two dates for next saturday….with two new cds….this will be good….thanks for giving me the space to vent….
    “thanks for your encouraging words and emailing me…but i didn’t mean to contact you. i thought we were having space, you must still be on my mass-mailing email to friends list….sorry to contact you blindly so to speak. j, i still feel not so good about what happened, so maybe catching up isn’t the best thing right now, it is really hard to feel all these feelings in a vacumn and be all vulnerable to you….when you are committed to another…and to feel like i lost my friend and my accountant, across the street, all in two weeks of dizzying conversations that culminated in an incredibly arousing hug….i’m just a girl here and i want a loving man in my life and i responded to your talk about how you might date me if you were single and i loved that hug, so overall, i am feeling like a tornado blew through my heart and very confused…j, what can we do about this? ”
    Sent this last night and have not heard back from him, which is not like him to be silent if we are emailing each other…..
    BW….glad to hear you are feeling better….



  151.  #151Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Lizka what is the belief you are holding why you are so scared of losing him?



  152.  #152Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:12 am

    Liz it is the expectation hooked into the email that might be the problem.



  153.  #153Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:14 am

    RE 142 Lizka most guys will be honest about stuff like that. You are over analyzing and whenever we do that we are mostly wrong. Just believe him. Or at least try to take him at his word.



  154.  #154Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:15 am

    btw Lili/BW There are 3 videos now



  155.  #155Emerson on December 6, 2011 at 8:22 am

    I went from being gung ho on the dating sites to taking down my profiles again…I got a weird / bad feeling from that CD that stood me up…

    he got really aggressive saying sorry and profusely apologetic (I replied via text and told him no worries, some things are not meant to be, there is no anger from me…)

    but he kept texting/callng like crazy

    there was definitely something “off” about him that I hadn’t picked up on previously…he left the voicemail and he sounded drugged…almost drunk/wasted like all slurred and slow, medicated somehow. I felt so eeewwww and afraid

    and I felt extremely turned off and a lil bit scared of him being so stalkerish almost…

    I am not going to give out my number anymore until I meet the person in real life.

    I miss Recycled sometimes…. πŸ™ πŸ™

    I don’t feel like CDing at all anymore. I feel very turned off and blah about it. I feel “dumb” for letting one flaky guy ruin it for me…but I have to honor my feelings and sink in …..I’m not going to force myself to CD and meet people online if I no longer feel comfortable right now.

    It is almost like I feel like Emerson…hellloooo why are you attracting crazies…and why are you not picking up on that they are a lil “off” or feel dangerous…I am getting better though.



  156.  #156Mel on December 6, 2011 at 8:23 am

    “Lizka what is the belief you are holding why you are so scared of losing him?”

    This is a really interesting question to ponder… Why are any of us afraid of the men we like “poofing.” It’s as though we think that it’s inevitable… fears from the past coloring our expectations for the present and future.

    What if we simply chose to believe that the past is the past and that this moment, this man, this relationship is DIFFERENT.

    We have to power to change; to change everything. Just by letting things unfold beautifully before us and giving up the need to “know” what’s ahead. Because the truth is… we can’t really know anything at all. And when we try, our brains revert back to the past. This is what gets us in trouble…

    So here’s to not knowing!



  157.  #157nita on December 6, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Liz, I feel angry reading what you wrote…let me explain. I feel angry because I can relate so much its so frustrating when these jerks can affect us this way. I feel fire in my throat and tension in my eyebrows I feel so annoyed at this bs of these men who tease, lead me on yet have no intention of it going anywhere especially because they are commited to someone else. thats such bull about how hes not even close to that woman yet they have a christmas tree on their car. I feel so angry when I can think of the men in my life who try to pull this off and decieve everyone in the picture so to speak. I feel that maybe he could possibly be in something serious but doesnt mind throwing vibe at you just in case his current relationship doesnt work out. I HATE that…and its happened to me so many times and it never turns out the way i want. I also feel triggered by how nice you were in the email…I like that too. He doesnt deserve your kindness in my opinion….I hope you are not offended by what Im saying but I feel so triggered because I can relate to you and Im reacting to myself. anyway say whatever you feel about what i wrote if you want its good practice:)



  158.  #158Emerson on December 6, 2011 at 8:26 am

    I like the concept of self compassion and forgiving self…I am really going to focus on that this week.

    I’ve had some “bad luck” lately (I don’t believe in luck necessarily) and I feel afraid that it is self inflicted somehow…although it seems to be out of my control and the circumstances are not my doing, but are they??? I feel confused and scared that I’m doing it to myself and maybe it’s becaues I am not forgiving myself. Its that self sabotage thing that I know can happen if we are not compassionate to ourselves….

    I want to heal this and be ok ok ok ok …..not in a crisis with some drama with car, work, home, etc…it’s getting old.



  159.  #159nita on December 6, 2011 at 8:28 am

    ….i meant to say that Im like that too as far as being nice in your email to him



  160.  #160Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 8:31 am

    FW I first took it as he was being honnest telling me that. And I was super happy with the message and I made the mistake to call my girl friend and tell her. I have to learn to stop doing that because she is a negative person and she is the one who told me he was probably sarcastic…

    About the beleive I have to loose him, I think I always thought that specially with him, everything is so delicate and he can stop stepping up tomorrow and I will not hear from him before months…

    I guess I should stop thinking that way and that might be just another nasty voice? But this beleive is very sdeep inside me…



  161.  #161Emerson on December 6, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Sirens what do you think of speed dating? Has anyone tried it? I think FW you did perhaps?
    I feel curious about your experiences.

    I am only going to focus on lovely, nice things!!!!
    I am going to focus on taking care of ME…and being kind to myself.



  162.  #162Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:35 am

    Emerson the heart chakra vow here is about acknowleging that ruthless inner critic that causes you to feel “dumb” and releasing the feelings around the vow to be perfect. I believe it is thinking, not feeling. There is a lot of things we “should’ve” but we have to accept that we were doing the best we knew how.

    http://7levelsofwealthmanifestation.com/heart-charka-vow/



  163.  #163Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:38 am

    I have only done regular dating, not speed dating.

    Lizka do you believe that you deserve love? Do you believe that he is better than you in some way? Do you really believe that you can create love with another man if this one does not step up?



  164.  #164liz on December 6, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Thanks for your responses:

    FW…the expectation? i need to let go of the expectation….that he will respond etc….and be surprised….

    nita
    thanks for sharing your feelings about this post….it feels helpful to me, i am so trusting of people and really such a nice person that i don’t get it when people are playing with me, i don’t understand it, so it is good validation to hear that i am justified in my response to him and that you thought my email was nice….too nice….it is really hard to be going through this with him and have to open up my door in the morning and see him in his office….
    i will post more later about my feelings and practice, thanks…



  165.  #165Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:42 am

    nita I would encourage you to get rid of that jackal language you use to describe men. It tends to leak out in our vibe. I really feel your anger and as Rori say when there is anger it is impossible for us to melt. When we don’t melt, men cannot connect with our hearts because they cannot feel it. You’ve got to trust yourself and your boundaries so that you can let go very early on, men who do not measure up. We are in charge of ourselves.



  166.  #166Emerson on December 6, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Thanks for your reply FW.

    I did some tapping yesterday and perhaps will try again today.



  167.  #167Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Liz I am feeling confused because he did share that he is in a relationship and you also lableled what you have with him as a friendship. Many of us do those types of things for friends.



  168.  #168Emerson on December 6, 2011 at 8:46 am

    160 liz
    I remember Rori talks about making your value higher than his and therefore he’s not that important and bears no wieght in your happiness or unhappiness

    I also think it’s a little odd that he’s saying to you he’d date you if he was single. This makes me feel icky in my throat like choking feeling…would he do the same thing to you? I just think it’s not cool.



  169.  #169Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Emerson I have gotten that type of statement from even married men so I don’t think it is odd. I take it as them sharing their thinking that I am marriage material and am being the type of woman that men commit to. That for me is great learning and feedback to continue using the tools and being a real feminine woman.

    I also remember a story Gay Hendricks, another coach, tells about his life when he was attracted to a younger woman and he shared that with his wife. Men are attracted to other women all the time.



  170.  #170nita on December 6, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Emerson Ive speed dated before and its very interesting. Ive met some good guys on there but not too much chemistry, and I met one very toxic hot guy on there too. Just be very attentive to their intentions, and keep practicing feelings, rori etc. some men on there just want to be playas lol…and others are nice guys.



  171.  #171Lili 41 on December 6, 2011 at 9:12 am

    144:

    FW,

    You are such a blessing for me here.

    I was feeling resentful that he didn’t call me last night to say goodnight like he used to do and started doing again in the past 2 weeks.
    It’s best that he didn’t bc he would have felt my resentful vibe.

    Saturday night, I told him that I missed the old him that he was during our 1st 4 months. Will he ever come back?
    He responded “That old me is never coming back bc he gets taken for granted and neglected.”
    I replied “How long do I have to be getting slapped in the face and kicked in the *ss for not having appreciated the old you?”
    No response from him to that question.
    He keeps punishing me for my coldness and closing off during those 1st 4 months where he was totally devoted to me.
    Eventhough I shared the fear that I felt back then, he will not trust me.

    Like Rori says in Reconnect “If you beat yourself up, you will hire a man to beat you up for you.”

    I don’t how to stop this wheel of beating each other up any other way, then to just stop the relationship.

    Maybe I just have to move on and not repeat the same mistake w the next man.

    I’m stuck w not being able to create safety to inspire him to bring his old self back.

    But the advice you’re giving me FW does inspire safety.

    xox



  172.  #172Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Lili41 you first have to feel safe in your own skin to inspire that kind of safety in the man. You reply feels blamey and making him wrong and very focussed on his behavior. I would encourage you to switch to “that felt like a hand slapping me across my face or just that did not feel good”. Remember you can always pause for a second before responding. He is not punishing you, he just cannot feel your heart. You don’t want the old him back either, you want the best version of the old him. As you transform in front of him he will be inspired and be able to transform himself. In Reconnect Rori says if the man right in front of you is not what you want “you don’t want him”. I am slowly inspiring safety in several of my relationships by lowering my voice and practicing relaxing. Lili41 I encourage you to review that program, I listen to some of it every day as I drive. Listen to Rori’s tone of voice when she uses the feeling messages. It seems from what you have written that you might have forgotten some of the concepts in there. The energetic tools, relaxing and practicing being the fern expecting to be watered.



  173.  #173Jilly on December 6, 2011 at 10:03 am

    Lili 41…thank you for the link! I looked at it..quite an interesting variety huh? πŸ™‚ big manly welcoming hands…NICE!

    Mali…I meant about the letter that your date wrote you πŸ™‚ Even though I am practicing still NOT being turned off by TOO much…I still don’t know if I could handle that…kinda feels like feminine energy…

    speaking of…this is totally different and has nothing to do with the above conversation except feminine energy men..but I dated a guy who would always make remarks about how fat he felt and for me not to touch is stomach because he felt fat…and I didn’t think he was fat at all and I just wanted to cuddle and it kind of put a wall up between us…and total turn off for me
    but maybe that’s how guys feel when we say things like that about ourselves…I’ve never been one to do that but it makes me emphasize with men who are with women who do that



  174.  #174Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 10:46 am

    FW

    “Lizka do you believe that you deserve love? Do you believe that he is better than you in some way? Do you really believe that you can create love with another man if this one does not step up?”

    I do think I deserve love. I don’t think he is better than me, but in some way, I think he is more powerful than me. I feel ashamed saying that and naive (because I knownthis is not what being a siren is about), but I think he is the one who will decide if yes or no we are gonna end together… That’s how I feel…

    And yes I do beleive that I can create love with another man. I am not afraid to think that I could create love with S. Besides that. Around me there is nobody else I think of, bu I do know inside me that I can find love somewhere else. I think I am afraid of the “new” thought…



  175.  #175Liz on December 6, 2011 at 11:15 am

    Hey there,
    Just got back from therapy and feel so much calmer now and i wish I had not sent that email….

    oh well, time to prepare for class tonight.
    yes, i find that when i am teaching or interacting with people doing coaching, i feel grounded and valued….then i feel like my value is high….
    it is just that my dad was so screwy, it is hard to start using these feeling messages and be appropriate with them and stay grounded, when there is a man that is provocative with me….but that really is one of the first tools in modern siren, to get grounded….so back to square one and being grounded and appreciating all of me….good thing the CD dates I have are with men who don’t really turn me on, so I can practice staying contained, grounded and not reaching out….my therapist said Rori’s tools sound like they are great, but someone with my history will need more practice to incorporate them into my life, so to be patient with myself…..and call him next time before I go off and send a letter like that to someone, especially since we left it accountant would contact me when he determined what accountant would be doing about his relationship….i hope i didn’t totally scare him off…



  176.  #176Liz on December 6, 2011 at 11:24 am

    lk,
    i love meditating and when i first started, it did seem daunting….i did do guided visualizations to music and candles at first, that was relaxing….but being a spiritual seeker of sorts, i felt driven to take a basic tools class based in Berkeley Psychic Institute curriculum…The first thing you learn is grounding cord, then running energy (earth and cosmic) and chakras, then more tools for managing our energetic space. Even though it might seem like I don’t have a handle on things through my recent posts, I really am a grounded, down-to-earth person and these meditations running energy have really empowered me….in fact, they have given me the ability to face what happened to me in childhood, learn the triggers and live more in the present than ever before.
    The nice thing about taking the class is the group energy makes it easier to meditate, just like the group energy on the blog facilitates self-discovery around relationships….
    Breath work is a great meditation also. Sarah Ingier says that if everyone took 10 conscious breaths every morning and night, the world would be a different place.
    Recognizing your inner light,
    Liz



  177.  #177Joy on December 6, 2011 at 11:25 am

    Beautiful Sirens,
    I have purchased Rori’s ebook and have started using feeling messages. I also have really enjoyed reading all of your posts and advice. Right now, I am posting to you instead of “leaning forward” and contacting an ex-boyfriend who has somewhat come back into my life for the third time. He has disappeared twice before and this time he said how he would communicate with me instead of shutting down and shutting me out. However, last Thursday, he texted me and asked if we could chat that night. I made the mistake of “leaning forward” and telling him after 9 pm that night. Well, I haven’t heard anything from him. I so want to call or text, but I know I shouldn’t. I just feel so sad and mad. I pretty much cry everyday.

    Anyway, I thought it would be good to post here and get your support instead of contacting him. Also, I want to buy some of Rori’s other programs. Which ones do you recommend to start with? Modern Sirens? Reconnect your Relationship?



  178.  #178Daria on December 6, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Regarding those tapping links that FW is recommending.

    I have the whole program and I love it. It feels transformative.

    Usually I feel bored and might not go through the whole thing, but with this one I felt pulled in again and again… I Wanted to do it. Awesome stuff and it’s healed some of the way I interact with family and also my ability to ask for things.



  179.  #179lk on December 6, 2011 at 11:49 am

    i forgot to do something at work & slowed down a project that my boss wants as a priority. I do feel bad for slowing things down, but i’m only a human & i’ve been doing my best : ) it’s ok to make a mistake, now i’m reminded how good it is to make a plan with action steps so that when you get ready to go, there isn’t a hanging task left undone that delays progress. thanks, lk : ) you’re really good at making plans & following up 1 step at a time…



  180.  #180Daria on December 6, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    This feels embarrassing to write – I feel glad I no longer have that feeling of irritation in my booty. Yay healing.

    And I feel glad my throat no longer feels irritated. Yay healing some more. πŸ™‚



  181.  #181Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    Lizka maybe more powerful in teh work environment? In the relationship you are the one with the power because you are the chooser and he knows that.



  182.  #182Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    Here’s the big secret. Men want to be enraptured by a woman. They may not admit it openly, but they want to be lured, finessed and enchanted by a woman — and they don’t mind surrendering to her siren maneuverings and be rendered powerless by her. A man would gladly give anything to the woman who can make him feel good.

    Bob Grant



  183.  #183Starla on December 6, 2011 at 12:55 pm

    lk 93,
    I meditate on the light rail. i focus on my ovaries and send them fluffy pink sparkly light.

    I sing sanskrit mantras otherwise, when i’m in the shower or alone at home.



  184.  #184Susan on December 6, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    BW:

    It is possible you are so close to the situation that you can’t see it as clearly as someone who is farther away can see. Perhaps it would help to imagine this all happened to a friend and that you are not personally involved. What would you tell your friend?

    What I see is this:

    You keep setting a boundary, he ignores it.

    You keep asking for him to make a decision regarding your relationship and he makes that decision over and over again by choosing the pub or the married woman or someone or something else entirely. He isn’t choosing you.
    Then you give another feeling message and start asking him to choose all over again.

    I’m so sorry… I know it hurts. But he isn’t choosing you. Over and over and over.

    There are other men who gladly would choose you.



  185.  #185Rori Raye on December 6, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    Joy – Welcome – and when he asked when you were free – you were not leaning forward by saying I’m free at 9 – that was a response. You’ll get used to this. It’s all about telling the truth in a feminine energy, feeling way. Love, Rori



  186.  #186Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    Joy I would encourage you to get both programs.



  187.  #187Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    BW I have to agree with Susan. It seems that at some level you don’t believe you deserve better. He is showing you what he wants and you are not believing him. He can’t create any certainty for you.

    I remember reading an email from Rori where talks about a man who needs a woman who will cheat on him, because that is what he is attracted to. A good woman means nothing to that type of man. Maybe that is the reason he is so attracted to this married woman? Maybe if it is not her, it will be another woman who cheats.



  188.  #188Mel on December 6, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    BW,

    I completely echo what FW and Susan had to say. He is NOT choosing you.

    I went through a similar situation with my ex husband not too long ago. I kept stating my boundaries, he kept trampling over them, and then I’d ask him to choose. What I wanted were the words… but he was showing me in his actions what his choice was. He was being a coward and didn’t want to be the one to end things. So he kept hurting me over and over again, wanting ME to be the one to make the choice. His way of not taking responsibility.

    It’s hard to be the one to call it quits, but perhaps it’s time?



  189.  #189Joy on December 6, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Rori,
    Thank you for the response. I wasn’t sure if it was being feminine when he asked if we could chat, and I said after 9. I do just need to remember to “lean back” and be feminine. I never did hear from him and still haven’t but from reading some of your blogs and his history, I know I will eventually…whether it is this week or months from now.

    FW,
    You post so much great advice, so I will try both programs. I really need to take the focus off of this man and put it back on me.



  190.  #190Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Sexy cd texted I’ve been thinking of him. Now he wants to see me on a Friday nite πŸ™‚



  191.  #191Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Ouch I feel bad when I hear men being called a coward for stuff like that. It’s cuz I can relate so much to their situation the way I used to relate w my parents. I just didn’t feel safe to be honest with them. DID NOT FEEL SAFE

    I do NOT want to judge myself as a coward tho I know I beat myself up so much for not being authentic .

    I LOVE me

    Actually I feel angry



  192.  #192Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    I do not want to feel controlled, or pressured into something that doesn’t feel good for me ( making a choice that comes with consequences that don’t feel good).

    I feel angry at the judgements.

    I feel judgemental too.

    I would like to heal this.



  193.  #193Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:43 pm

    I do want authenticity in my relationship. I love me.

    I feel confused and worried.



  194.  #194Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Rori says men are loyal and will pretty much stick with a woman even when they’re unhappy. The way they deal is with bad behavior so she’ll end things, but they won’t actually end it themselves cuz they’re too loyal.



  195.  #195Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    feeling angry reading the judgements. I don’t want to take responsibility for something that is not my responsibility. Rah

    Sorry for the judgements

    Feeling closed off and stone chest face and angry



  196.  #196Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    This blog is magic! This morning, I was feeling doubtfull and wanted to text E and probably not say some sireny things. I came here instead and post my feelings and thoughts. FW (thank you) said there was no reason to be doubtfull and than, just by writting my things here, I completely lost the urge to text him. Yay!!!



  197.  #197Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Also in BW case i would not personally want to end it completely – thinking that might feel too heartbreaking to me

    I would just start dating other men and date him too

    And I would start leaning back with not going over to his place, and not allowing him to casually come by whenever, just when we have plans



  198.  #198Daria on December 6, 2011 at 2:55 pm

    But mostly I would put a STOP hand on my mouth when I’m saying drama stuff cuz its actually hurting ME

    I do this with friend/CD and I demand stuff in a gime that brat voice too and I take the lead and interrupt him. and it’s kinda cute but at some point it triggers him and he stops giving, then I gotta lean back do I don’t feel frustrated.

    Challenging w him as I feel comfortable and get in my ‘bossy girl’ pattern.

    I love me.



  199.  #199Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 2:57 pm

    Anyway, right now I don’t feel very into E. I know the feeling is still there somewhere, but I don’t feel it very deeply these days. So I guess I don’t even have to want to know what’s up with him.

    My thoughts still go to S since the weekend. I hope he will call me and that last Thursday was not just a one time thing. We had so much fun. πŸ™‚



  200.  #200Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    And I realise that I start thinking in feeling messages. I guess that’s a good thing!

    And even to my friends. I Had a little argue my text message with a girl friend. I wanted to say “I don’t walk to talk to you about that anymore. Not in text messages at least. You don’t seem to want to understand.” amd it felt pretty blamey. So I texted instead “I feel misunderstood. I don’t want to talk about that by text”

    Hehe



  201.  #201luzydel on December 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    So I am talking to someone, but he has not yet ask to meet. I like going on dates, but I do not like online dating that much. Some men act like A*holes, asking for sexual favors, offering to pay my bills if I do things to them…Yuck! I have no provocative pictures at all, and I am not the “sexy” type, but some men feel the need to act like D*ck heads. I feel frustrated. and tempted to close them again…



  202.  #202Daria on December 6, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Bossy girl

    For example I just text him now:

    Come back tonite w some good pot like last nite and be rested!

    I am joking when I say these things demanding like but I wonder if it would feel better to drop that… Hmm



  203.  #203Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    201

    Lol Luzydel. I was always wondering… If some men are being “ss… Must be because that some girls accept to send d*rty pictures and everything… It must work sometimes (and maybe MOST of the time) otherwise they would not keep doing it… And when they yell you things in the street, and when they come to you with n*sty pick up line??? Ewwwww

    Is that judgamental?



  204.  #204Sweatpea on December 6, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    Hello Sirens!

    I received each and every birthday wish yesterday and feel grateful for them. Thank you all! My comments went into moderation after a bit, but there’s a personal thank you to each of you who wished me birthday happiness.

    Just wanted to make sure you all know I feel blessed for them and for being part of this wonderful, warm community!!! Muah!



  205.  #205Starla on December 6, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    sweetpea, maybe someone already told you this but i’d guess ur going into moderation cuz you spelled it sweat, not sweet.

    awww sweatypea:P



  206.  #206Starla on December 6, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    last night cf came over to watch a tv show with me and i noticed i wanted to control so much. i didn’t want him to leave. i did subtle things to keep him there. i feel so grateful to notice these patterns in myself.



  207.  #207Sweatpea on December 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    I talked to my friend who has psychic abilities – she told me some stuff I’m not sure about re: MM. Stuff that sounds nothing like him, but she’s rarely wrong, but she’s been under extreme stress lately and in a not very healthy community environment.

    Now I feel questioning as to whether she’s getting her ‘wires crossed’ or what the hey is going on. I feel concerned for her and confusion that the things she’s telling me are going on with him don’t jive with the conversations we’ve had. No huge concerns – things that will happen with him if he turns out not to be my one.

    The things she’s telling me about him are what’s going on with a guy she’s interested in. Liz, you probably have more experience with this – is it possible she’s projecting her experience onto mine?

    Feeling a huge twang of uncertainty here and concern for her.



  208.  #208Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    Happy Birthdat SweetPea!!!!! Wishing you lot lot lot of love!!! You deserve it missy!

    xoxo



  209.  #209Daria on December 6, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Love me love me live me sex machine



  210.  #210Daria on December 6, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    I send men nasty pictures And I LOVE when they tell stuff in the street to me. It makes my day!

    I feel kinda defensive



  211.  #211Daria on December 6, 2011 at 3:45 pm

    I don’t always like it with the sexual lines but sometimes I do
    πŸ™‚



  212.  #212Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 3:48 pm

    Daria, sometimes in the street, guys yell at me things like “baby wanna f*ck (or s*ck or…)”

    This does not make my day. It makes me feel bad and unworthy and unrespected…

    I feel sorry if you think I was disrespectfull. That was not my point.



  213.  #213Starla on December 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    i feel bored with catcalls in the street. in the next event that it does make me angry (they’ll say something really offensive), i’ll throw a rock at their car. otherwise, i’m just like “yawn.”



  214.  #214Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    I want to feel in looooooove!



  215.  #215Starla on December 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    i think that when men are with their buddies, they’ll yell offensive things to women to ‘look cool’ and to get an angry reaction out of us. They should just be careful that the angry reaction isn’t throwing blunt objects at their nice cars. Cuz i’m not going to give you the gratification of shrieking and hollering and getting all red in the face cuz you said something vulgar to me and honked in my face.



  216.  #216Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    Catcalls!!! Thank you Starla! That’s the word I was looking for !



  217.  #217Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Thanks Lili and everyone else.

    Lili, you’re right. He IS scared and he has a pattern of going for unavailable women. And I think on a logical level, he KNOWS he’ll never have her. But somewhere deep down he’s got this thing inside him to keep going after her and giving her priority over me.



  218.  #218Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    184 Susan – Yep you are right too.

    Anyway, I just emailed him. I told him that he’s free to do whatever he wants. He can chase married women, he can go drinking with other women, and heck. He can even have them in his bedroom if he wants.

    I then thanked him for giving me the space to work out if having that in my life is something I really want (thanks FW – I just hope I worded it right!).

    No reply of course but I know he would’ve read it by now…



  219.  #219Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    BW

    Knowing that, Isn’t it a good enough reason for you to CD more and to show him that yoi are not THAT available…?

    Just a random thought…



  220.  #220Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    BW, my last post refers to your 217, just in case…



  221.  #221Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    And I KNOW he knows that what I’ve just told him he is free to do is definitely NOT what I want in my life.



  222.  #222RiverGirl on December 6, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Hello Lovelies,

    Just wanted to share a sweet song for sirens as we dance our way from the promise of a new man to disappointment and back again. Keep smiling, keep CDing. πŸ™‚

    http://youtu.be/qZ_wfJFbGc4



  223.  #223Sweatpea on December 6, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Thank you, Lizka! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€



  224.  #224Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 4:07 pm

    Starla,

    LMAO – that would probably do it!



  225.  #225Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Look – the Sweetpea’s back!

    I have been working awfully hard lately, but sweatpea?! Sheesh!

    Not sure what happened last night. My computer locked up so I turned it off. When I got back on, my info wasn’t in the fields for commenting. And…apparently I can’t type anymore. Hmmm. Good to know!

    Still giggling!



  226.  #226Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    197 Daria – EXACTLY! The thought of ending things with him feels awful to me. But on the other hand, if he’s going to live like a single guy, then what’s stopping me from living like a single woman?

    By choosing to live that way, he’s effectively making it ok for me to date other men, right? πŸ™‚



  227.  #227Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:14 pm

    Yay I just did the 3rd chakra tapping video
    !

    I’m really seeing too how when I get triggered I shut down and get stony (ie cold) and I feel uncomfortable thinking of myself this way. I also feel admiring of myself this way. For how strong/hard

    Cool hardcore I am

    Ruthless merciless

    Love me.

    Yeah I see it actually happen and the way my thoughts go. They disconnect from connecting w the person and don’t feel safe sharing with them. Or even looking them in the eye.

    I can see how this definitely would hold me back from intimacy.

    I honor my stonewalling and am open to healing it now.

    I feel so angry still at Alias girl thinking if some of the things written about me that felt horrible and I felt all unseen and scared and not loved. Anger.

    I am healing this. Actually fear. Wow I feel so awed that I have a choice to heal this and that anything I want us possible.

    I feel surprised and happy that I’m willing to look at this and heal it. I am growing so much yeah me.



  228.  #228Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:18 pm

    219 Lizka – yep I start CDing as of tonight!

    Ok tonight’s not a “date” but it’s a night out . And he knows I’m going out too.

    He does not yet know about next Monday night when I am going out again….

    S is away for two weeks unfortunately. Shame…. :-\



  229.  #229Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    Butterfly wings – he doesn’t need to make it ok for you.

    You are the one who makes it ok for you. Once you have that self foundation, the dynamic changes. You can date other Men, while sone of the men don’t even date others. It’s still ok.

    You are a princess who has many suitors from far and wide coming to woo her at her tower.



  230.  #230Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Butterfly wings – I wonder what you hope to accomplish by telling him he’s free to do these things you don’t want.

    Is it to pull him back in with a kinda guilt thing? It might work short term like a toxic bond.

    I practiced stopping telling men they’re not for me or pushing them to do stuff I don’t like – this was one of my patterns.
    this communication is toxic and controlling, and

    I decided to ‘Vote For Me’ as Rori wrote in an eletter. Vote for me, not for the other women.

    Why not tell him he can commit to you and treat you well instead?

    Why tell him what he can (or can’t) do anyway? That’s really disrespectful to an adult.

    Whenever I catch myself now thinking those thoughts, I stop, see they’re aggressive, and call it angry.

    Then go with ‘I feel angry’ instead.



  231.  #231LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    191:

    Daria,

    Your post is a big BINGO to me!
    I drove my mom nuts that way.
    She was so arrogant and threatening, that I did not feel SAFE…so I manipulated and lied to hide the truth.
    I pushed her away and declared someone else as a true mom. This I wrote in a letter to my aunt…and my mom found it.
    So I can understand how a man could feel unsafe and compelled to manipulate, lie and be drawn to another woman that same way.
    It’s not to blame myself, but to see my own responsability instead of blaming…as is exposed in the uncoupling webcast. Again graciously provided by FW.

    I posted earlier today about how I don’t know how to make him feel safe to trust me.

    I am being arrogant and threatening just like my mom was.
    I put up that big front to show that he can’t hurt me…I hide my vulnerability.
    Who was it that posted a link to a conference about vulnerability? How the true power lies in our vulnerability.
    The vulnerability is in my heart.
    Like FW said “he can’t see your heart”.

    That big tough arrogant angry threatening front to hide my vulnerability is what compells me to blame, accuse and give threatening ultimatums.
    It’s dumping all of my hurt onto his shoulders to give him the responsability of carrying that heavy burden.

    Mel,
    I feel bad to say this, but your post about your ex feels blamy towards him. I feel worried to trigger your defensiveness, but I do see blame put on him for the entire relationship.



  232.  #232Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:28 pm

    In my mind I see Butterfly Wings as a toddler self going

    No!

    I will not change my communication. I will not I will not I will not.

    I don’t CARE if it will help me, I will not be controlled!

    Rah!



  233.  #233Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:30 pm

    I feel guilty… I wonder what is here for me to heal?

    Sorry for judging as a 3 yr old. I feel compassion and even respect and admiration for that 3 year old, I love my stubbornness and strength.



  234.  #234Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Holy Mother!!! Yay!!!

    I got a late birthday present from Google! heehee
    I was looking for keywords for my biz and blog posts last night – it was sooo incredibly slow!!! It took me 4 1/2 hours to star 262 words so I could copy them and then when I tried to copy them there was a glitch and there were only 142 of the words saved.

    Long story – just stick with me… I just went into to run the same search and was prepared to spend 4 1/2 hours on it – again. When I got there – all 262 words were on my clipboard – so all I had to do is copy them!!!!!!

    Woop, woop! I don’t have to spend the time to do it again!!!! Yay!!!! I feel super duper extra ecstatic! And thankful and grateful and Haaappppyyy!!!



  235.  #235Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    Oh no. C.A -CD called me. I felt like not answering. He usually text me and it’s very fine with me. But tonight he called. I felt annoyed. Did not want to chit-chat with him…

    And he invited me for dinner tomorrow. I said that usually, on Wednesday at work we usually have this work-late-session and that I have to see if they do it this week even thought it’s almost they holidays and we are not really busy. It’s not true. I almost never go to this session. And than he said, yes, tell me early please cause he has to go at the store and buy the food. No no no. I thought it was a restaurant dinner!! I don’t want to go to his place!! It’s far, in an area of the city that I don’t know and I can not leave right after the dinner. And I never felt comfortable eating at people’s place. Even when I was young, I never wanted to eat at my friend’s place. I’m super picky and I like only my own food, my mom’s or restaurant. I will feel too uncomfortable.

    Grrrrrrrr i don’t want to go there. I don’t want to be at his place on the third date. I want to give him a chance but I don’t want to go there. What can I do?!? Am i beeing too much of a princess?

    And this situation that feels uncomfortable makes me want to call S and be with him because I feel soo comfortable when he’s around. Why is it always the wrong ones that step up A LOT ?!?



  236.  #236Ella on December 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    BW re 197

    I second that.



  237.  #237Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    229/230 Daria – I suppose I feel the “need” to make it ok because I feel guilty about the OTHER guys, not TH.

    The other guys (S for example) seem really into me, and I feel guilty that I’m leading them on.

    But if TH feels like it’s ok to do what he’s doing, I suppose I’m therefore making it ok in my mind to date other men because I suppose I’ll get sick of TH’s actions and move on to another guy anyway.

    TH is going to do what he wants anyway, but I wanted him to know that while he’s doing that he’s increasing his chances of losing me. He hates when I get upset about what he’s doing. But I hate what he’s doing. So I suppose the only solution is for me to assume I’m single and go act like a single girl.

    He wasn’t happy that I’d made plans for tonight and I know he senses I’m pulling away.

    This morning he wrapped me in his arms like he didn’t want to let me go. I let him do it, but I also let him know I was still feeling bad.



  238.  #238Ella on December 6, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    I would like to go Speed dating and only use FMs… he he, that could feel fun.

    I wonder what would happen and whether men would go for me…

    Of course they would… πŸ˜‰



  239.  #239LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    227:

    Me too, Me too Daria!

    Cold as ice to hide our vulnerability keeps intimacy away.

    Rori said that when we blame someone else for something, we should look inside ourselves and see how we blame ourselves for the same thing.
    Bc usually pointing the finger at someone else is a diversion from our own self.

    I’m bringing this up bc I pointed the finger at D saying how he is so afraid of intimacy. I didn’t say that to him, put said it about him.

    Well, wouldn’t you know it! I am afraid of intimacy. I protect myself from it by hiding my vulnerability with my cold angry arrogant front.

    I felt like crying when I came on here at 1st tonight…Now I feel happy to see all these feelings and mechanisms…Getting connected to myself! Yey! πŸ™‚



  240.  #240Ella on December 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    @ Bw

    “Anyway, I just emailed him. I told him that he’s free to do whatever he wants. He can chase married women, he can go drinking with other women, and heck. He can even have them in his bedroom if he wants.”

    I think he knows he can do what he wants… why do you keep telling him?

    “I then thanked him for giving me the space to work out if having that in my life is something I really want (thanks FW – I just hope I worded it right!).”

    No need to thank him imo, only cus it doesn’t really feel like gratitude, it feels like anger, what do you think?

    “No reply of course but I know he would’ve read it by now…”

    Hmmm, feels like so much urgency… men need time to think… I’ve seen you write this kind of thing so many times before and he always comes back.

    I feel angry, and scared of being harsh, and annoyed and weird about talking and feeling unheard.



  241.  #241Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:41 pm

    I feel scared. I don’t want my heart to be broken… again.. πŸ™

    So yep I’m doing what I can to protect my heart. And in doing that, I’m locking TH out of it….

    ARGH I wish those CDs would hurry up and arrive! πŸ™



  242.  #242Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    I don’t much get catcalls that feel bad. Or maybe I don’t notice/remember.

    I would feel smily and flattered by guts saying ‘baby wanna fuchkin’. Hehe . I am smily right now thinking of it.

    And giggly. I love men and their attention.

    I would just roll my eyes and smile if it’s something not cute. They usually snap back to being sweet then.

    I hung out w my guy friends and used to love seeing them yell at women . :). I think this is why I feel so accepting and good and flattered by it, cuz I can relate to that warm feeling of having fun with them and I know how lovable they are.

    I feel flattered when they do that. Or say like nice tits or something.

    I feel uncomfortable and a little bit excited thinking I’m in the minority of women with feeling good with this. And I feel kinda good thinking I’m a ‘cool girl’. And then kinda guilty that I’m judging comparing.

    Anyway the truth is for me is I love it. A lot. It’s like, what I want when I go out, it thrills me.

    Actually I want a whole lot more of that thank you universe.

    I also feel kinda defensive and unsafe and that stonewall feeling sharing about this.



  243.  #243Ella on December 6, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    Re 240

    Oh gosh I feel really bad reading back my post to you BW… like I am being really judgemental and harsh and advice giving, and who am I to do that!!??

    Hugs.

    I’m just feeling frustrated.

    And quick to jump in and tell people what I think they should do.

    xoxoxox



  244.  #244Daria on December 6, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    I love manly sex raunchiness!

    Also thinking how I would feel if they said suck my cock I might not like that. Hmm. I would feel ick on that one. But I’d still feel flattered they’re catcalling me.



  245.  #245Ella on December 6, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    Re 225

    He he, I like Sweatpea, esp if you have been working so hard!

    πŸ™‚ xoxox



  246.  #246Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Please don’t feel scared of being harsh, annoyed and weird about talking and feeling unheard Ella,. It’s what I need right now so thank you.

    I also need those darn Reconnect CD’s! Who would’ve thought the US and Australia were SOOO far away! πŸ™‚

    I just want this whole thing to be OVER, and if I had the strength to do it, I’d just send TH away forever. I just wish he didn’t have such a huge part of my heart…. πŸ™

    So yeah, I suppose by telling him to go do what he wants, it’s me trying to end things the “easy way”. Problem is, he’s not prepared to end it either… πŸ™

    I think I just need to give myself permission to put me first and forget about him unless he’s in front of me. I totally struggle with that.



  247.  #247LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    198:

    I totally do that too.

    G Daria, feels like you and me are on the same page tonight. πŸ™‚



  248.  #248Ella on December 6, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    BW re 226

    “By choosing to live that way, he’s effectively making it ok for me to date other men, right? :)”

    Way I see it it is ok for you to date other guys anyway. Its got nothing to do with him.

    For me it is only to do with how I feel, so unless I feel totally safe and satisfied and good in a forever comittment I am going to date other guys.



  249.  #249Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Yeah I’ve gotta learn to shut up sometimes too – instead I lash out at TH and make it his fault… and while I type that I”m thinking “It IS his fault!”.

    Is it really? I can choose to stick around or not. I can also choose to run away. My choice tells him what I will tolerate and what I won’t.

    So I’m making it “ok” for him to not choose me over other women, all through my actions.

    I suppose I need to work out what being “open and inviting” is, as compared to being gullible and tolerating stuff I don’t want….



  250.  #250Ella on December 6, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    BW re 246

    That is cool and feels good to hear you talk about yourself first.

    What has helped me is realising there don’t need to be dramatic extremes, like ending it forever… I can just choose to turn away moment by moment, babysteps… and sometimes I will not turn away, or I will even cling on, but more and more I will choose to turn away until one day I realise I have become bored and just don’t want him anymore…

    No pain!

    Just like Rori talks about in toxic men… and that is from relationships where I have been truly addicted!



  251.  #251Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    Oh noooo! I just leaned foward with S…



  252.  #252LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    246:

    BW,

    I don’t think we’ll be able to let go completely until we’ve learned all we need to learn from the experience.

    All this hurt I’m going through w D is pushing me deeper and deeper within myself. I’m getting to know myself and connecting w myself on such a deep level…I want to connect to a man on a deeper level and it all starts w me.
    As much as I hurt, that hurt is giving me the gift of connecting to myself on that deep level…connecting to my heart.
    Like FW said “he can’t see my heart”.
    Heck I can’t even see my own heart coz it’s covered so thickly with this cold angry threatening wall I put up to protect myself.

    Quit pointing the finger and look at your own stuff.

    Cd’ing should be about practicing and getting to know yourself in the presence of men…But the way you seem to be looking at cd’ing, I detect a tinge of revenge and tic for tac, of wanting to provoke TH…not only about yourself. And that tinge of revenge, resentment and provoking could be what makes it backfire.

    Just food for thought.



  253.  #253Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    I KNOW I can have any man I want. I get so much attention when I go out, it’s ridiculous. But my NVs tell me that all they’re after is sex. It’s not about me or the intelligent conversation they can have with me – just what I look like.

    I’m wondering why I have that NV? My ex #2 didn’t even WANT sex with me! But he was cheating on me too, so that kind of explains that….

    I’m really not sure where that’s coming from… πŸ™



  254.  #254Ella on December 6, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    BW

    “TH is going to do what he wants anyway, but I wanted him to know that while he’s doing that he’s increasing his chances of losing me. He hates when I get upset about what he’s doing. But I hate what he’s doing. So I suppose the only solution is for me to assume I’m single and go act like a single girl.”

    Sweetie, you ARE a single girl!

    “He wasn’t happy that I’d made plans for tonight and I know he senses I’m pulling away.”

    In the nicest of ways, who cares… ! Let him sense it… it doesn’t mean anything that he notices, or even if he is unhappy or grumbles, all that counts is actions… if he wants to step up he will.

    Again feeling afraid of being harsh, and this is what I would want to say to myself.

    And by the way, YAY for single ladies πŸ™‚

    xoxox



  255.  #255Ella on December 6, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    BW re 241

    Awwww

    HUGS.

    I feel all soft towards you now. Feeling very loving and protactive of you.

    xoxox



  256.  #256Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:04 pm

    I sent a fun and cute message to S about a magic trick we got by a random guy the other night. I know he appreciates this momebt cause he talked about it ti his friends the next day…

    I sent “I want a magic trick, please to a magic trick.”

    He answered “Loool… This guy rulez;)”

    And me: “Hehe nooo. I want YOU to do a magic trick!”

    Him: “Hein? Rrrreally not my specialty lol”

    Me: “Lol, not even “spontaneous” kind of magic trick?” (spontaneous is because he kept saying that our nigjt together was so nice because it was spontaneous…)

    And he’s not answering… I think I messes up. Again. Why the h*ll did I had to lean foward and try to control the outcome… I feel disapointed…



  257.  #257LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    230:

    Daria, can you post that e-letter here?

    Or can you tell me when it was emailed by Rori? Is it very recently?

    I do get the e-letters but I can’t keep up with reading them all.



  258.  #258Ella on December 6, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    BW re 253

    Awww hon… I get that.

    I often feel like that too, or used to, that guys will only want me for one thing.

    Its to do with ourselves and our belief about ourselves. And maybe that is where the work lies.



  259.  #259LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 5:12 pm

    253:

    BW,

    Remember we both covered that together a while back?…We don’t know how to connect otherwise on an intimate level…We keep that deep connection at bay by protecting ourselves with our angry armour…hiding our true deep feelings, hiding our vulnerability.
    Do you recognize the “I’m tough and you can’t hurt me” attitude in yourself? That creates distance.

    Isn’t it scary to reveal your true feelings…scary to be “soft” by revealing your vulnerability by admitting openly to feeling scared of getting your heart broken?…as opposed to showing the “harsh tough” side?



  260.  #260Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Ahhh ouuuf! He answered.

    He said : “Baah thats not magic lol” and than “Whats up, u r bored ?;)”

    And me being sooo leaning foward again and trying to control the outcome again: “Ahhh i feel so disapointed. I thought you could act some magic on that. πŸ™‚ lol” and than “Yeah feeling kind of bored. And also still some random thinking about last thursday (still?!?). just a quiet night at home…”

    Ahhhh why do i sometimes get out of control??! I know it’s bad to do that and i keep doing it… πŸ™ My nasty voices are telling me that I am not a siren and that I will loose him…



  261.  #261Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    And now not answering again…



  262.  #262Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:20 pm

    Think Lizka thibk!! And breaaaaath!!!

    I think the best thing to is to lean back. Getting off of my phone and stop texting. And if he texts back i just have to keep it simple and stop those subliminal invitations!

    Lizka put the phone down, and gk remove your nail polish, and brush your theeth, and go to bed…



  263.  #263Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    Ahhh I feel angry witb whag I did and sad that he’s not answering. This is really the answer to my question. He is not into me and I really dreamed all the hope I had…

    I feel stupid…

    Anyone has an idea of a feeling message I can send to fix this?



  264.  #264Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:26 pm

    I feel like a kid and I feel like in my pre-Rori phase…



  265.  #265Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 5:28 pm

    Ella @ 245

    Lol! Thanks! Heehee.

    I have been working hard, but sweatpea kinda doesn’t “do it” for me. πŸ˜‰

    Love the Freudian slip, though.

    Still giggling.



  266.  #266Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    259 Lili – yep we did cover that and I still think I’m in “self protection” mode, which is obviously not doing me an ounce of good!

    So yep it is scary – VERY!



  267.  #267VW on December 6, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    Daria #230:

    I loved reading u post for BW…I totally agree…

    Warm hugs,



  268.  #268Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    I feel so ridiculous and disapointed. All this work for nothing. One month tonight that I am on this blog. And nothing has changed after all, I’m not improving at all. I just went back directly to the starting point.



  269.  #269Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Ok HELP!

    He responded with this:

    “I went with YOU to dinner … if you would rather I go with you for a beer during work hours and “married woman” to dinner let me know …”

    I’ve told him many times over that I feel as though I don’t exist during the day. I never get invited to lunch, I never get invited for a coffee, and I definitely never get invited for a drink.

    Any invites from him come only after work or on weekends. I feel invisible during work hours, and I know this is putting the blame on him, but what he just said is like he thinks it’s ok to have a “day gf” and a “night gf”.

    But I don’t want to share!!! πŸ™

    What do you all think???? HELP HELP!!!



  270.  #270RiverGirl on December 6, 2011 at 5:33 pm

    Lizka,

    Lizka, can you find a way to hush those little voices? He WAS into you when you were together or he wouldn’t have even been there. He was in the moment and it felt good to him or he would have left. He is probably still into you, he just doesn’t know how much.

    But….he doesn’t know what it means or he mightn’t even be thinking about it. Leaning forward and initiating and getting all in his phone will seem needy to him. Lean way back and let him miss you. No more TEXTS. : )



  271.  #271VW on December 6, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Gosh, I feel soo fricking horny πŸ™

    Sigh…i don’t want to call/txt nobody…

    Going to take a bath…I want to feel better on my own and not lean forward even when I have needs from a man…

    Arghhhhh….



  272.  #272Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    Lizka,

    The #1 best thing I can tell you is, “stop beating yourself up!!!!”

    You leaned forward – so what! Consider it an experiment. You can’t expect to be perfect overnight. You have so much of this right – consider the leaning forward an experiment. You don’t have to do it anymore if it feels bad. It’s all a learning experience – and a learning curve.



  273.  #273Susan on December 6, 2011 at 5:35 pm

    BW, It is fine for him to have a day GF and a night GF. Just as it is fine for you to have a day BF and a night BF.



  274.  #274Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    River Girl, really, thank you. This feels incredibly good to read. I felt lost for a few minutes but your reply acted like magic. Thank you x1000



  275.  #275Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    Ok, so how do I word that so it’s not attacking or blamey??

    I’m thinking something like “I want to feel important all day and every day, not just after hours and on weekends. Does this mean I need to do what you do and find somebody else to do stuff with during week days, while I spend my nights and weekends with you?”

    But without the titt for tatt thing… :-\



  276.  #276Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    I suppose the message I want to get across to him is that while he’s doing stuff with other women then he can no longer expect me to be 100% devoted to just him like I have been.



  277.  #277Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Sweetpea

    Also thank you. I know I can not be perfect. But it’s so hard to admit it and to feel like I’m going backward… πŸ™

    Just wondering why he has never answered…

    Maybe I should erase his phone number from my phone to make sure not to text anymore?



  278.  #278Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    But I don’t want it to come across as angry, which I know I feel and that’s because I feel like I’m “missing out” when he gets what he wants.

    But that’s not his fault – it’s MINE! So I suppose my anger is directed solely at ME!



  279.  #279Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    BW,

    With all due respect, if you can take the focus off of this guy and what “he’s doing to you,” and put it on your own healing and what you can do to make yourself feel better, I think you would feel much better.

    He doesn’t have to be “in your life, or out of it.” Those aren’t your only options. I only say this because I used to do the same thing. I could be off-base here, and if I am, there’s no need to respond. But I used to tie myself in absolute knots trying to decided, “Do I want this guy in my life, or is he out?” And…on top of that – when my feelings got too uncomfortable, I’d just end things so I didn’t have to try to figure out how to fix it (or him) anymore.

    Then…I’d feel remorse and just stuff everything down when he came back. But guess what – the stuff comes back up and bites ya – right in the arse. Well, it did me. I felt like some psycho who couldn’t make up her mind – I want you one minute and the next, I want you GONE!

    I’ve learned to sink into my feelings and let ’em roar at me. It’s your feelings that have you feeling so bad. Maybe they’re centered around what he’s doing, but if you don’t like him taking her to coffee – tell him, “no more.” That’s what you really have the problem with – not what he’s NOT doing for you, but what he IS doing for her – is it not? If you don’t want that behavior. Don’t accept it – and let him decide if he wants to be that guy – the one who you feel good with. The one you feel happy with.

    I just mentioned this the other day, but I remember a story where Rori hung up on the guy she’s married to now (this was when they were dating) when he told her he’d been on a date. She didn’t want that for her life and rather than try to change him, she just said, “no. If you want to date other women, fine – but not if you’re going to be part of my life.” (That’s not exactly what she said, but that’s what I took away from it.

    It’s not about him. It’s not about his behavior. It’s about YOU and what you do or don’t want in your life.



  280.  #280Mel on December 6, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Lili 41…

    No offense taken. I’m not feeling defensive. I feel no need to explain or relive my situation.



  281.  #281Daria on December 6, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    VW – have u tried the deer exercise? I feel curious how it feels for you regarding the hornyness



  282.  #282Senior Lady Vibe on December 6, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Beyonce – “Single Ladies”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4m1EFMoRFvY



  283.  #283Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Lizka,

    If you feel it necessary to delete his number, go for it – but if you just let it be, stop worrying about what he’s thinking or what he’s doing – or why he didn’t text you back, it won’t be necessary.

    It’s a small bump in the road. No big deal. Just because everyone tells you, “no, no – don’t do it” doesn’t mean it’s a disaster every time. Sometimes it just is. Can you just put it behind you as a mistake and stop worrying about it? Your vibe of “oh no – I messed up” is likely what he’s feeling and the reason he’s not responding.



  284.  #284Lilybelly on December 6, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    230:I agree with VW on your post, Daria.

    BW~ I wonder why you even need to respond to the lastest email now.

    Wouldn’t it be okay and wouldn’t it feel wonderful to just let go of the drama and BE for awhile?

    I would be feeling really tired after all of this time of so much of it.



  285.  #285Daria on December 6, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    BW – how about

    ‘this feels bad. You have every right to see whoever you want of course, and I don’t want to put pressure on you and the relationship. And I want to take a step back here and take care of myself. I want to have a committed lifetime relationship so I feel better being open to invites of other men until you know what you want to do with me’

    And then act on it. You don’t even have to say anything to him at all really, just act on it



  286.  #286Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Sweetpea – Yep I am definitely making it all about him and what he’s doing, and I’m struggling to turn it around, because I really don’t want him out of my life! I feel angry at myself too, for feeling that way! πŸ™

    Also, I feel extreme guilt about dating other guys. Not because of him, but because of the other guy I’m dating! I have a few CDs hanging around and at least two of them are REALLY into me, but my heart is solely with TH, so I feel bad that I’m leading them on, because I have absolutely no intention of ever pursuing something with them.

    And I can’t tell him not to spend time with her either – they work together in the same team. I work there too but another department. So this is really complicated. They WILL spend time together whether I like it or not, so I really don’t feel that I can make him stop.

    What I CAN do though is choose my reaction to what he does or doesn’t do.

    I honestly think that if spending time with me was more common than spending time with anybody else it wouldn’t be an issue. But he NEVER spends time with me through the day. EVER. So when they do stuff together I really do take it personally. I wonder what’s wrong with me???? Why on earth would he want to spend time with her when he has ME there????? Sigh…. πŸ™

    OMG… this bit you just said really hit me:

    “I just mentioned this the other day, but I remember a story where Rori hung up on the guy she’s married to now (this was when they were dating) when he told her he’d been on a date. She didn’t want that for her life and rather than try to change him, she just said, β€œno. If you want to date other women, fine – but not if you’re going to be part of my life.” (That’s not exactly what she said, but that’s what I took away from it.”

    THAT is what I want to say. But I have to mean it! That’s the part that I struggle with.

    No, I do NOT want a man who “dates” other women. And if he wants to keep doing that, then no I do not want that in my life.



  287.  #287Lilybelly on December 6, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Happy Belated Birthday, SweetPea!!!



  288.  #288Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    THank you Daria. I’m going to go back with a variation of that too.

    And for those wondering why I have to respond, I suppose it’s because I am sick to death of having this uncertainty in my life. I don’t want to sit here and stew on my feelings. I want to say what I need to say.

    But I want to say it in a non-attacking way – that’s where I struggle.



  289.  #289LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    266:

    BW, I’ve been crying about being in “protection mode” for 2 days now πŸ™
    I went to dinner w him on Saturday night and rehashed my not wanting to share him in a blamy threatening way.

    269:

    That’s how FMs go: “I feel invisible, I don’t want to share…” FMs are about your real feelings and what you don’t want.
    The treasure lies in your deep true vulnerable feelings that lie underneath the anger. What is the anger covering up?…Is it fear of…?
    I hope you get to see the tapping video linked in by FeminineWoman sometime. Post #3. Watch it til the very end about worthiness.

    279:

    Sweatpea is a wise woman…I learn alot from her experience. I’ve done that bouncing in and out like a yoyo myself, it creates alot of “unsafety” for the man.



  290.  #290Mel on December 6, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    Happy late b-day little sweetpea! πŸ™‚



  291.  #291Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Ok how does this sound:

    “This feels bad. You have every right to see whoever you want of course, and I don’t want to put pressure on you and the “relationship”.

    I want to take a step back here and take care of myself though.

    I want to have a “real” relationship with somebody who wants to be with me and only me, so I would feel better being open to invites of other men until you know what you want to do with me…”

    What do you think???



  292.  #292Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    “of” should be “from”….



  293.  #293Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Hmph. I can feel myself wanting to get into all these explanations about why I am saying what I’m saying….



  294.  #294Liz on December 6, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    Back from class…
    just catching up….
    i heard back from accountant….he emails me….”I was aroused too. I have been thinking of you.”
    I respond: “oh…
    and?”
    He emails back: “I don’t think I should say”
    So I email back: I feel confused. You have been thinking of me but don’t think you should say what you have been thinking? I have been giving you space “to determine what you want to do with your relationship with girlfriend” is it correct that you are not ready to say where you are at? Just curious…

    I am getting sick of this…..when i got the first email, i got all these love-desirey feelings again…..then the mysterious message….i just don’t want to be confused.



  295.  #295LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    280:

    Mel,

    You’re a cool siren.

    After all, I see things through my own filters (experiences), as we all do.



  296.  #296Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    BW seriously? “Until you know what you want to do with me?”



  297.  #297Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    Just taking it from Daria’s suggestion.

    Maybe just say “Until you know what you want” and leave it there?



  298.  #298Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    BW – the practice here is to Be with the uncertainty in our life and feel those feelings (even the ones we don’t want to feel) . The more we do this, the happier we will feel overall

    this is ESSENTIAL to the practice here (ie, the other stuff will not work without this)

    some in the body riffing will help to BE with those feelings and heal it so it becomes more bearable to heal more and more of them



  299.  #299Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    Here you go, this sounds better I think:

    “This feels bad. You have every right to see whoever you want of course, and I don’t want to put pressure on you and the “relationship” anymore.

    I want to take a step back here and take care of myself though.

    I want to have a “real” relationship with somebody who wants to be with me and only me, so I would feel better being open to invites from other men until you know what you want…

    What do you think? :-\”



  300.  #300Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:16 pm

    i got that from Rori – until you know what you want to do with me



  301.  #301Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    BW – your message sounds great, except for this kind of speech rori says not to ask him What he thinks, because it doesnt matter, this is a power speech for us.

    also i wouldn’t use the :/ symbol. maybe if :/ is important you can say ‘this feels uncomfortable to say’



  302.  #302Liz on December 6, 2011 at 6:18 pm

    Hi,
    I think it was sweetpea who asked about the psychic reading…sorry it has been a long day, so forgive me if I don’t have the right siren babe!
    Yes, it is possible that she is projecting, especially if she is not grounded or is experiencing tumultuous times. In clairvoyant training, we were taught that the only way we see things about other people is if we have matching pictures or similar issues….so it could be 1) you two have matching pictures on that issue or 2) she is too cluttered with her own stuff right now to see clearly.
    Most psychics should know how to clear out though during a reading so their space remains clear.
    As a readee, it is always good to maintain your own certainty and seniority over information and decide if that feels good to you. Sometimes the reading is really accurate and we are not ready to assimilate the information….
    hope that helps….
    you can ask yourself…..get quiet, breathe mindfully and visualize a gauge with a yes and no option. Ask yourself if the reading was about her stuff…..please let me know what you find out…



  303.  #303Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Thanks Daria. I suppose I’ve been living in this uncertainty for literally years now and I’m really not coping with it. When my ex cheated on me in 2007, my world was literally turned upside down.

    My world was no longer what I thought it was. Everything was different and “up in the air”.

    I coped by burying myself in my work and pretending (hoping) it would all blow over.

    How wrong I was!

    Then in 2010 I realised that my marriage was not only never going to get better, but that I had feelings for TH as well. I did not love my husband any longer, and I really didn’t want to be married to him anymore. I just couldn’t trust him anymore.

    So my marriage ended.

    And then my roller coaster ride began! And it’s been going ever since! I want OFF!



  304.  #304LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    291:

    BW,

    How about:
    “I feel unimportant (or invisible), and that feels bad. I don’t want to keep feeling that way. You have every right to see whoever you want of course…”

    It feels like something’s missing from your feeling bad. Feeling bad about feeling invisible brings more depth to your feelings. It’s one more deeper level of your feelings.
    Just bad on it’s own doesn’t feel deep enough for me.
    I got that from the Love Scripts program.



  305.  #305Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    liz – whoa that feels ICKY!!! “I have been giving you space β€œto determine what you want to do with your relationship with girlfriend” is it correct that you are not ready to say where you are at? Just curious…”

    omgosh eeek! i would NOT go this way. this sounds pressury and inauthentic and all in his business



  306.  #306Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    BW – hugs. we all live in uncertainty our whole lives

    thats why the practice of being OK with it, is so essential.

    the more we sink into the feelings and love on them – not ‘do’ ‘get to say waht he have to say’ or fix it, the more we expand our level of happiness



  307.  #307Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 6:22 pm

    Ok Im in bed. I took some care of me. Brushed my theeth, removed my make up, moisturized my body…

    I feel better and less want to beat myself up. I feel calmed down.

    I just still feel sad that I have the feeling that it’s going nowhere with E, that I might have messed up with S, and that I don’t give a sh*t about C.A-CD… The only one left is DjCD… I need to find new CDs maybe but my computer is broken and the guy still can’t come help me out with that before maybe another week. So I have no access to my profile on the dating site and can’t see if I got messages from potential CDs… That feels bad.

    I think I will date myself for a while. Oh yes! I’m gonna plan a whole romantic weekend with my own self!!!! Maybe I will even turn my phone off for the entire weekend and just enjoy my own company? Maybe go to the museum and rent some movies I wanted to see for a long time. Maybe I will go buy that book that I wanted to re read for a while. Ohhh that would feel good and maybe when the weekend ends I’m gonna have plenty of texts from my CDs??



  308.  #308LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    303:

    Wow, my ex cheated on me in 2007. I found out a year later in 2008.
    Met D at the end of 2008, started dating him in summer of 2009. The icky roller coaster started at Xmas 2009…until today.
    Funny we have the same issues and we are dealing w them in the same way.

    You can do this BW!!!
    Whatever the outcome, you can connect w yourself through FMs!
    I’m cheering you on to cheer myself on at the same time.



  309.  #309Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    RE 237 BW again that sounds like strategy. Strategy don’t work with men. Also ask yourself why would he be scared of losing you? You have chased him off how many times? And as soon as he started wimping you have taken him back. He is not scared of losing you because you have already trained him to believe that you do not have any power over your own life. He has already experienced the fact that you do not have the strength to walk away. He knows he has you where he wants you so that is the reason he keeps doing what he is doing. You have shown him that nothing has changed within you and maybe nothing will ever change.

    The Reconnect CD is all about leaning back, relaxing, being calm, loving yourself and opening up your heart. It is all about being a girl. If you are expecting to hear strategies about getting him to “change” let me reassure you that it is still about working on yourself and taking the focus off him. Just that there is a lot more information in there regarding receiving love, opening your heart and allowing it in. You can start doing those things from what you have already learned while you wait for your shipment.



  310.  #310Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:27 pm

    liz – maybe what you can translate that to is

    “im feeling all needy and uncomfortable when we connect, i keep getting thoughts of your gf situation. i don’t want to feel this way, what do you think?”

    “i feel mixed feelings hearing from you, it feels so good to think of u and then it feels like crashing when i remember you have a gf. i don’t want to get hurt here. i want a to be first place with a man, and i feel my heart blocked off when i don’t feel like that. what do you think we can do?”



  311.  #311Liz on December 6, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    daria,
    really, this is not a good siren statement?

    oh well….god, i already sent it…
    my therapist thought i should say that to him
    that the ball is in your court….

    i just don’t want to feel confused and i guess i just don’t want to play this game of guessing what he is thinking about…

    i have a ex-marine CD who wants to take me out on sat.
    well, i can’t take it back.
    what would you say?
    thanks



  312.  #312Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Oh… But if I turn myself off for the weekend, I will have no access to the blog since I don’t have my computer… πŸ™



  313.  #313Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Lizka you can also prepare your heart and mind for your soulmate. You can create the imaginary man in your mind and the relationship in your mind and heart. You can create a scrapbook with pictures of what your ideal home, relationship, man will look like. You can also include words of how you will feel when you are in that relationship and create your vision board. I have one picture with a bride with a bouquet of red roses in her hand. That picture create so much calm in my center and such wonderful feelings in my heart, every time I look at it I have to run my hand over it, close my eyes and just sink into those feelings. It is the most wonderful experience.



  314.  #314Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    Ok email is sent.

    I tweaked it a teeny bit to make it more “me” and relevant to our situation, but left the rest as it was.

    I feel scared. Again…



  315.  #315Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    BW – about the guilt with other men

    what really helped me when i started CDing and still helps me now is to assume that every moment spent with me is healing and beneficial for a man (even if nothing ever pans out).

    Time with me is a blessing for any man. shoot for anybody at all!



  316.  #316Lizka on December 6, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    Oh FW it is such a good idea!! I think I will collect images of things that i like and that I want in my future life. A beautiful husband, a house, and maybe even pictures of cute children!! Yay! Very inspiring indeed! Thank you!!!



  317.  #317Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    RE 304 I would add “and it gives me the space to see if I want you in my life or if this is the kind of relationship I want”.



  318.  #318Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    315 Daria – Hmm.. well maybe that’s my feelings of unworthiness coming out there. Yeah sure they’re “lucky” to be spending time with me, but do I really have the right to break their hearts or lead them on???

    I suppose by accepting a date, aren’t I saying “You do have a chance with me Mister – even if it’s a little one!”….

    Honestly, I would love to just curl up in a ball right now and hide for a week!



  319.  #319LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    230:

    Daria,

    “I decided to β€˜Vote For Me’ as Rori wrote in an eletter. Vote for me, not for the other women.”

    How long ago was that e-letter sent by Rori?
    I haven’t been able to keep up with the e-letters.
    I think BW and I would get alot from that e-letter.

    I can’t get to my emails from this computer. But I can go look for the e-letter when I get my old computer back from fixing.



  320.  #320Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 6:37 pm

    Lizka that is in Rori’s Reconnect CDs and several other coaches recommend doing that, even with other areas of our lives such as money, health etc.



  321.  #321Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    :Lili I believe I saw that in the 2008 archives when I was reviewing the other day.



  322.  #322Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    Vote for ME e-letter:

    Hi Daria, if you’ve ever felt like you’re trying to win your man’s love, that you’ve been working hard to convince him that you’re the only woman for him, and feeling so frustrated and sad that he’s just not “getting” it – I can help.

    ***

    Dear Daria,

    What if your love life depended on a vote?

    What’s the first thing that came to your mind when I asked that question?

    Did you think about your man voting for YOU?

    In other words, voting for you as the woman of his dreams, the woman he wants to be with forever?

    That’s the way I always looked at it – as though I were RUNNING for the office of “girlfriend,” or “wife.”

    Looking back – it was as if I were draping myself in my credentials, showing off my skills, like “niceness,” and “understanding,” and “sexy,” and “smart,” and “funny,” and so many other things I thought he’d “love” about me – things I thought would make him fall in love with me forever.

    And, of course – none of those things mean ANYTHING when it comes to a man FALLING IN LOVE.

    A man does not fall for “qualities.”

    A man just “FALLS.”

    And then he automatically “votes” for you for girlfriend and wife – because he can’t even see himself without you.

    So – how do you really get his vote?

    How do you get him to fall?

    Well – first, you have to vote for YOURSELF.

    Okay – this sounds so obvious.

    You say – “Well, of COURSE I’m voting for myself!” You say “I want to be THE ONE!”

    But let’s take a closer look.

    Because – if you’re finding yourself thinking about him all the time, worrying about how he feels all the time, stressing about every woman he comes in contact with and speaks to, every beautiful, sexy woman he LOOKS at – even on TV – then are you REALLY voting for yourself?

    I think what we women do is – we’re sort of instinctively voting for the other woman – we sort of think she’s the one who should get our man (otherwise, why would we be jealous?)

    We’re sort of instinctively voting for the FAILURE of our relationship.

    It’s why everyone’s freaking out about the election in the United States today.

    Everyone WANTS their candidate to win, and yet it’s this FEAR that he will lose that is filling up our feelings 24 hours a day.

    We are more focused on the possibility of losing than we are on the possibility of winning.

    And that changes our “vibe.”

    In our relationships – when we focus on the possibility of losing, or that he’s drifting away or withdrawing – our whole sense of confidence and ease and sensuality and relaxation goes away.

    We suddenly become tense and anxious, worried and frightened, and we ANTICIPATE the worst.

    We become sensitive to everything a man says or does – even if it truly has nothing at all to do with us.

    We stop voting for ourselves.

    BUT – we continue LOBBYING!

    If you’re not sure what a “Lobbyist” does – he or she works to influence the government of any country.

    It’s usually about passing a bill or an initiative or creating a plan, or a hiring or appointing of someone for a high position, or fighting AGAINST something.

    And here we are, lobbying for our relationship.

    Working to get our man to love us, and to give us affection, attention, and commitment.

    And the saddest thing in the world is – though lobbying works in government – lobbying our man will only PUSH HIM AWAY.

    There are many ways we can push a man away without even knowing we’re doing it. We can do it by Over functioning. We can do it by Thinking and Doing instead of Feeling and Being. We can push a man away by giving him more than he gives us, or by pretending.

    ***

    The truth is that a man DOES NOT like to be told what to do.

    And the moment we try to CONVINCE him of anything – especially anything about our relationship – we’ve already lost.

    So – instead of trying to WIN his vote, to INFLUENCE his vote, or to GET his vote – stop all that and simply VOTE FOR YOURSELF.

    If you can Vote For Yourself – every minute of every day, in every situation – you will create a “vibe” around yourself that will be adorable, irresistible, fool-proof and cheat-proof.

    You will no longer vote for the other woman by getting jealous or asking him for a commitment before he offers one.

    You will no longer vote for failure by focusing on failure.

    You will vote for yourself by focusing on YOU.

    On what you FEEL.

    On what you WANT.

    On what you want to have, to know, to be, to accomplish, to experience, to try, to feel, to love, to engage and experiment with – for YOU.

    So, if you live in the United States, go out and vote today.

    Express your power.

    Consider it a vote for YOU.

    Then make some lists about what you like, about the strengths you have, about what you want, about what you want to feel and experience – on all the GOOD things you want for yourself – and VOTE for THOSE.

    Here’s a way that you can vote for yourselfβ€”

    You can stop focusing so much on HIM and what he’s doing or thinking, and instead start dating yourself.

    This means treating yourself to activities that feed your soul, like spending time with your favorite friend, or going on a long walk in a beautiful park.

    It means flirting and smiling at every man you meet, so that you can feel like the Diva that you already are, instead of wondering what HE is feeling about you.

    In my Targeting Mr. Right program, you’ll learn how to date, relate and mate like a real DIVA.

    A Diva (the good kind) is a woman who knows her worth and isn’t afraid of going after what she wants. That means she DOESN’T SETTLE for a man who isn’t totally, 100% into her.

    She doesn’t commit or become exclusive with a man who hasn’t yet committed himself to her.

    She has OPTIONS.

    YOU have options. You can use every interaction with every man you run into as an opportunity to practice your “Diva skills.” This will completely change your vibe around a man and elevate your Degree of Difficulty in an instant.

    A man won’t think twice of stalling or giving you the runaround when he knows that you have high value and you won’t tolerate his bad behavior.

    If you like the idea of being a confident, self-assured kind of woman and not allowing ANY man to take advantage of you or keep you wondering or waiting, get my Targeting Mr. Right program today.

    You’ll learn the specific HOW TO’s of Circular Dating and embodying the “Diva” qualities that I mentioned.

    Targeting Mr. Right will not only show you how, it will make you feel so much more empowered and certain in your love life.

    ***

    By the way, let me know how Voting For Yourself turns around your day – and perhaps even your relationship.

    He will vote for you – once he GETS, clearly, unmistakably, surely and absolutely – that you aren’t interested in how HE votes – but that YOU, no matter WHAT, are ALWAYS voting for YOURSELF.

    He will be mesmerized, bewitched, captivated and completely won over without you doing a thing – just by being with you while you are constantly on your own side, loving yourself, voting for yourself and just being yourself when you’re with him.

    You can do this.

    Let me know how you’re doing.

    Love, Rori



  323.  #323Liz on December 6, 2011 at 6:39 pm

    Daria,
    you are a genius….
    that sounds great….i feel mixed feelings hearing from you….that is EXACTLY how i was feeling and it perfectly sums it up…i am in awe….i will modify that and send that out….because saying i want to be first is the truth and it tells him that i value myself more than him…THANK-YOU SO MUCH.
    XXXXX00000



  324.  #324Mel on December 6, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    Thanks for the re-post of the “vote” email! That’s a great one! πŸ™‚



  325.  #325Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    BW – I suppose by accepting a date, aren’t I saying β€œYou do have a chance with me Mister – even if it’s a little one!”….

    switch this to saying “I’m giving you the opportunity to spend some time with me and be blessed by my presence”

    don’t worry about breaking their heart and leading them on. they WANT to spend time with you.

    and they DO have a chance, because us women – who are practicing bieng open – open our heart and become attracted (not force ourselves but truly become attracted) to men that treat us well (yes even if this never happened in the past before we were opening our hearts – that was me)

    and yes, actually you DO even have a right to break their hearts and lead them on (though that’s not what you’re doing). you have a right to do ANYTHING you want

    and letting them take responsibility for their OWN feelings, is healing codependency. its HEALTHY

    all we women have to do is tell the TRUTH – including, oh i feel uncomfortable (if a guy gets too close to us that we don’t feel comfortable with).

    Even, i don’t feel sexually attracted to you at this time (though there’s no need to say that).

    Men will figure out for themselves what they want to do. If they think that they don’t want to spend time with you, and aren’t happy about the way things are going as far as getting closer , they will NOT ask you out



  326.  #326LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    309:

    And visit the link in FW’s post #3 while BW waits for her CDs.

    I won’t stop saying it, I think I did 3x already today.

    Watch the video linked in FW’s post #3 til the very end!!!!

    Video link in FW’s post#3eeeeeeeeeeeee! lol πŸ˜€



  327.  #327Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:45 pm

    Liz – yay i feel happy that inspired you…

    and hey… i would wait till he contacts you again to share… (“fixing” it by damage control reaching out doesn’t work with men)



  328.  #328Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    BW I have heard the “until you know what you want to do with me” also but in this context I would not use it mainly because he seems to know what he wants to do with you and have been acting out on it. Seems to me that what he wants to do with you is keep you as the night girlfriend until he is sure of who is soulmate is. Sorry but that is the picture I see and I believe it is time for you to drive a stake deep in the earth for yourself.



  329.  #329Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    “β€œi feel mixed feelings hearing from you, it feels so good to think of u and then it feels like crashing when i remember you have a gf. i don’t want to get hurt here. i want a to be first place with a man, and i feel my heart blocked off when i don’t feel like that. what do you think we can do?”

    man i am really a genius! i love this! i can say this to Dman CD

    this was pure genius Daria pure genius . i really like the heart blocked off part.

    (and the crashign part)

    weeee

    im sooooo honestttttt goo meee



  330.  #330Liz on December 6, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    Daria

    okay, i should wait, but it sounded so good and i am so impulsive, i thought it would soften things up and so i already sent it….
    i better go take a bath and settle down, maybe try that deer exercise:)

    i have a lot to learn….
    the good news is that he is definitely attracted, so a few slip-ups are not going to drastically affect the outcome….

    to quote you
    i love me



  331.  #331Daria on December 6, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    Liz – hehe that attitude will definitely help … love it!



  332.  #332Liz on December 6, 2011 at 6:55 pm

    gnite sirens,
    thank-you all for sharing your process and listening and giving me feedback on mine and may you all manifest the relationship of your wildest dreams…..what would that look like for you?



  333.  #333Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Lili you crack me up! πŸ˜€ And FW, I think you could be right.

    Here’s what he replied with:

    “You’re getting upset cause I went for a beer with “married woman” and dinner with you …. so …. if you would like it reversed let me know … if you think a beer in the day time is more important than being taking to dinner that is what I will do.”

    So here’s what I want to reply with (help me tweak please??):

    “I’m not upset with you. I am upset with ME.

    That’s because even though you see other women, I am 100% focused on you.

    And I feel resentful for that fact because it’s like I’m expecting you to want to only spend time with me, when you clearly don’t want to.

    So that’s why I would feel better by taking the pressure off you by focusing on myself and what I want, rather than on what you are doing and with whom…”

    I’ve not really addressed what he said though.. help!



  334.  #334LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    322:

    THANK YOU DARIA!!! XOX

    I’m feeling a softer vibe coming from you today. Not just directed at me but in general at anyone.

    You’re turning into a softy. I like it! πŸ™‚

    I wanta be a softy too.



  335.  #335VW on December 6, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Daria:

    gosh, thank u for posting the “vote” eletter πŸ™‚ I needed that!

    I printed out the other day the dear exercise…and i tried to do it…i will try it tonite…

    i guess i am not as flex to get my foot close to my yoni…:( maybe practice …lol

    i took a bath and a power nap…:) now, i am up and looking at the fire, smelling the awesome chri*stmas tree i got this year…:) wish u were here πŸ™‚

    warm hugs,



  336.  #336Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Oh yes and Daria, thank you for the Vote for Me eletter and thank you Lili for asking about it! xxx



  337.  #337Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Hmm.. I just re-read my response…

    Is it just me or is it a bit manipulative???



  338.  #338Orna Walters on December 6, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Femininewoman:

    Thank you so much for your posts that include our Love Notes Weekly and all the other lovely things that you have shared about our work.

    It hasn’t gone unnoticed. Thank you from our hearts to yours.

    Love and Abundance,
    Orna and Matthew



  339.  #339Daria on December 6, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Lili – thanks. actually i feel all judgemental of myself and

    i even feel judgmental of BW like why is she being all nice and interacting with me when im writing all these judgemental posts about her (sorry BW)

    i feel like im unworthy of being inspiring cuz im so stonewalled and judgemental

    i LOVE my stonewallness. I will now slather it with love. whew energy moving ah

    thank you Lili, i feel encouraged

    maybe its softer cuz im making a point of apologizing for my judgmentalness.

    which is something i want to do. consistently.

    yes.

    and apologize for interrupting people.

    also THANK YOU for all the sirens who have said i inspired them or said nice things to me on blog today and in general.

    i somehow find myself stonewalled in a different way when i receive that appreciation and feel like it will take a big effort to say thank you for it. like im not really FEELING good to say thinak you (Cuz i think im not letting the compliments IN) and dont want to make the effort to write thank you at the time. babysteps. this is healing!

    yay!

    i feel so safe and loved on here right now



  340.  #340VW on December 6, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    BW:

    Noooo …don’t send it…feels winy πŸ™

    Work on bringing out the f*ricking anger u keep staffing down…comes up as winy and bit*chy camouflaged in “oh, it’s not u…its me…i am the martyr”…

    πŸ™

    been there ….:(

    warm hugs,



  341.  #341Starla on December 6, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    it feels great to spend time at home alone taking care of me. i am feeling cozy and relaxed and grateful in my bedroom, watching one of my favorite tv shows, feeling peaceful and unconcerned about the outside world



  342.  #342Daria on December 6, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    hmm about foot to yoni…

    the indications are if that doesnt work, use a tennisball or other relatively firm yet comfortable object to press between heel and clitoris

    it should be ok possible – i have not been very flexible in my hips and i could still do it

    maybe move the Other foot farther away might help too



  343.  #343LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    333:

    BW, I’m sorry but I can’t help cracking up at what he said. lol. I don’t know why but my 1st reaction is to laugh. It’s kinda funny.

    Do you realize that evenings and weekends are the prime times that he’s giving you? Is that the message he’s sarcastically trying to send?

    “when you clearly don’t want to.” That’s getting in his head and it feels controlling in some way. Feels like hitting him on the head. I’ve said that to D so many times.
    I’ve also been on the receiving end of that statement from another guy. That triggered in me “who do you think you are? You think you know what I think or how I feel?”
    That judgement felt stifling and left no room for me to express what I truly felt.
    Then I go and say it myself to the next guy in my life. Huh?



  344.  #344Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    Daria, I don’t “feel” judged by you, so I suppose that’s why I’m ok with what you’re saying.

    I also know that when you’re looking at a situation from afar and you’re not personally involved, it’s a LOT clearer to you how things really are.

    I know I’m not seeing things clearly because I’m too much in my head about this, so your help and that of others here is helping more than you know – even if sometimes I feel a bit “ouchy” about what some of you say! I also know that what you’re saying is purely with the best intentions, so I choose to see it that way rather than in a negative light.

    I hope that makes sense??



  345.  #345Daria on December 6, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    BW – you don’t have to address what he said directly (acutally you want to release the drive to address or answer ANY question directly (thats man way). instead, breath and find feelings and say those

    “You’re getting upset cause I went for a beer with β€œmarried woman” and dinner with you …. so …. if you would like it reversed let me know … if you think a beer in the day time is more important than being taking to dinner that is what I will do.”

    That feels bad to read πŸ™ . I don’t want to share with another woman at all. of course you have a right to do what you want, but i don’t like this and i feel really angry.



  346.  #346Daria on December 6, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Butterfly Wings – thanks! I feel impressed to hear that you are able to see it in a positive light, and that you don’t feel judged! it makes me feel curious and inspired like i will heal this and not feel triggered and judged by people either

    i feel so defensive when i feel judged – and its something that comes up a lot for me! babysteps to healing



  347.  #347LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    339:

    Well, your advice feels softer and alot less judgemental. The stonewall looks lower than it used to be from over here.
    Whatever you’re doing to heal it, keep doing it and share it please! I want some of that for me!



  348.  #348Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    343 Lili – yeah I get that I’m getting “prime” times, but I can’t help feeling that it’s only because he CAN’T give that time to her – because she’s MARRIED!! (and yep I’ve hit him over the head with that one many times, but that’s what goes into my head straight up – you’re only with me because you can’t be with her).

    And yeah I was getting into his head with the “you clearly don’t want to” thing…

    This is SO hard!!! Because yeah that’s where I’m coming from – He spends time with me at night and on weekends purely because he can’t do that with her, because she’s at home with her HUSBAND…

    I’m so tempted (don’t worry I won’t) to say “Yeah well if you had YOUR choice, it WOULD be the other way around!”….

    Sigh…..



  349.  #349Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    And that comes down to the fact that I feel like he’s only with me because he can’t have her… πŸ™



  350.  #350Daria on December 6, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Lili – what im doing is being honest and expressing publicly that im judging (felt so scary at first).

    im not actually sharing the judgement most of the time, just that i feel judgemental

    then i am apologizing for judging.



  351.  #351Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    BW I don’t like what he said but I guess that is his way of indicating he does like feeling controlled. Frankly I am not sure I would respond. I believe I would step so far back I would fall over. Your actions are likely to speak louder than your words.



  352.  #352LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    346:

    This post of yours is the perfect example of what I mean by you becoming a real softy.
    You feel like a cushy marshmallow that we just want to hug.



  353.  #353Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Orna you are welcome. I really love your warm quiet energy and I enjoy the wisdom in your notes.



  354.  #354Starla on December 6, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    i feel super uncomfortable with being judged too. when i see someone else explicitly saying here they feel judgmental towards me i just speed read past it like “eeeeeeeek a mouse!”

    i want to give space to other people to feel how they feel and this is the place to write it 4 sure, and i hate reading it because i’m practicing not being defensive.

    i wonder what it will feel like when i’m cool with reading and hearing judgmental stuff. i wonder how my reactions will feel then.

    i will get there:) awesome.



  355.  #355Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Starla at least you know your reaction around the judgements so just in case you experience it with your guy you can clearly state you feel scared amd want to commit to eliminating it from your relationshp



  356.  #356Starla on December 6, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    i feel delighted that being a different happier person is really as simple as taking baby steps to form different habits. one choice at a time.



  357.  #357Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    You know what I really want to say to him??

    I want to say “Fine. If you want to be with her, then go be with her. But don’t drag me along with you while you’re doing it!”….. πŸ™



  358.  #358Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    I have a question sirens…

    I had a coffee date with a new cd on Saturday morning. He got there before me and had a coffee. When I got there he suggested I walk up and get my tea and put it on his tab as he hadn’t closed out yet.

    As I stood up he did as well and said if I didn’t mind he was going to get something to eat. He said, “I didn’t get a chance to eat much this morning.” I said, “I didn’t either. I”m really hungry.”

    He didn’t respond. I wasn’t sure what to do. He picked up a one dollar donut and I got a tea.

    I couldn’t decide if I ought to just then say, “You know I”m feeling really hungry and I’m going to need to get something to eat.”

    And then just get up and if he paid for it fine and if not fine…

    But, I didn’t do that…Any thoughts on the best way?

    I drank my tea and was hungry…an hour later I had to stop and get something to eat as soon as we left.



  359.  #359Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    BW you don’t have to give him instructions. He owns his own life and is already doing what he wants. You abandoning yourself and playing the victim is not his responsibility. The way I see it, you are dragging yourself along with him and you might as well honor yourself for doing the best you know how. And now that you know better you can choose to change your life.



  360.  #360Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:35 pm

    Yeah I wasn’t going to send that – it was just a thought that was in my head…

    I suppose my message that I want to get across is that if he’s not 100% committed to me, then I can no longer be 100% committed to him (meaning that I start CDing properly)….. because I need to protect myself….



  361.  #361LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    348:

    Urrkkk. πŸ™
    That’s how I feel too…2nd best.

    I told him I don’t want to be 2nd best bc no 1 is not available. I want to be the 1st. But he chases me down like a fanatic after, and I take that seriously like he really wants me bad.

    Right now I just feel like focusing on myself to learn about myself and what makes ME tick.

    He’s coming to my work Xmas ball next Saturday where we always have fun every year.
    I insisted that he buy a new shirt. A man that will be seen w me will have to be proud and not wear the same shirt for the 3rd year in a row to the same party w the same people.
    I’m worthy of looking good for and with.

    Off to tapping now, then to bed.

    Goodnight lovely Sirens!



  362.  #362Femininewoman on December 6, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    RE 349 that sounds to me like you are settling and not feeling cherished.



  363.  #363Daria on December 6, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    β€œFine. If you want to be with her, then go be with her. But don’t drag me along with you while you’re doing it!” —

    possible translation

    I feel bad to not feel like I’m first in a man’s life.



  364.  #364Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    361 FW – Exactly right. πŸ™



  365.  #365Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    Oops 362 FW!



  366.  #366LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    363: πŸ™



  367.  #367LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    366: OOPS that was meant for 364: πŸ™



  368.  #368Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 8:02 pm

    Oops I think some comments have gone into moderation so the numbers are all funny! :-\



  369.  #369tenny on December 6, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    REVELATION!! I was triggered earlier when I was on the dating web sites. I riffed for a minute and then realized that I’m a changed woman!!! I’m a siren in the works! I was feeling disconnected and lonely. Then I felt happy and joyful . . . since I was a teenager I had a poor choice in men. No joke!! And just today I realized this. Men are attracted to me, but I’m not the needy, available, overfunctioning woman I was. So they don’t last. I’m not calling, I’m not leaning forwards, not making plans or suggesting or giving advice, and they just run out of steam. Wow, was I gullible before or what?! Each one would have run his course through my life before. I feel so POWERFUL and THANKFUL right now. I love me!!



  370.  #370LILI 41 on December 6, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    Before I go to bed, here’s an FM I need to get off my chest:

    The other night when you said that the old D wasn’t coming back bc he gets neglected and taken advantage of…I felt bad, I felt like a child being punished, unworthy.
    I wasn’t open for a long time, I felt unworthy. I no longer want to feel cold and distant that way.
    I’ve started practicing opening up and letting people in, and it feels so warm.
    The next time a man treats me the way you did during those 1st 4 months, I want to be open to receiving that with open arms and appreciate it.
    Bc I’m learning that I am worthy of that and I want the best for myself.
    I no longer want to keep punishing myself for having been cold and distant.

    I’m open to any comments, I would appreciate any help or input from you sirens. I’ll be reading them tomorrow morning.

    Goodnight. xox.



  371.  #371Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    I like it Lili. Sweet dreams. xxx



  372.  #372Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:12 pm

    BW – Okay… I feel like I’m way into my boy energy and giving advice tonight, so I’m going to tell you what I’ve learned about myself, but first I’m going to tell you that telling yourself, “they work together on the same team so I really can’t tell him he can’t spend time with her” is being in your head. I call b.s. on it.

    Here’s what I learned… My feelings are my feelings and I feel the way I feel whether it’s reasonable or not. Period. I say again – period. Whether it makes sense to me, or is fair to them, or whether it just can’t happen, does not make my feelings less valuable.

    For instance, I was all in my head about not meeting MM’s kids. And yes, it’s reasonable and he has a valid REASON for not doing so – so yes. It’s REASONABLE – BUT, it did not change the fact that it felt bad to me that he’s not sure enough about us to take that step.

    It wasn’t until I sunk into MY feelings and realized that *I* actually feel okay about it because I would fall in love with them and not know whether the feelings I have for him are about him or about him and his kids. I feel way more comfortable since I got to my own feelings around this and quit worrying about why he was doing what he was doing no matter how much it made sense to me.

    I feel peaceful around it now. Because I stopped fighting my own feelings. Because I know my own feelings. Not because it makes sense to me. It’s all about feelings, baby. Feelings.

    Bottom line is… you don’t feel good about him taking married woman out. I worked with an entire shop full of men and they were all like brothers to me. Not a single one of them and I went out for a beer all alone – EVER – in the five years I worked there. We went out as a group, or we didn’t go at all. Because I wasn’t dating any of them. And if we went for a beer – just two of us – it would have felt like a date.

    Looks like a duck, walks like a duck. Yada yada. If you don’t feel comfortable with him going out with her without you, then that is a valid feeling. You can’t make it go away by speaking reason to it.



  373.  #373Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    And let me just say, I don’t care if I felt annoyed with a man because he’s breathing. The fact that he can’t stop breathing doesn’t change my feelings around it. I can either accept my feelings as valid and explore around them and heal them, or I can walk away. Because he’s not going to stop breathing and the fact that it’s completely unreasonable to expect him to stop breathing would make no difference to my feelings. They don’t give two figs about being reasonable – and they don’t have to.
    I can’t change them with reason anymore than my feelings could make the man stop breathing.

    Make more sense when it’s totally facetious like that?



  374.  #374Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Lillybelly and Mel –

    Thank you!!!!



  375.  #375lk on December 6, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    @Butterfly Wings 357

    Um………………. i feel scared imagining this…. but to have him “drag” you – didn’t you tie yourself to him?

    you can easily untie yourself : ) i like to untie myself from men – it makes me feel beautiful & lets me float easy : )))



  376.  #376Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #372 – You got it going on, girl! Whew, you are really coming into your own! Sounding good, woman! Are you the world’s next relationship coach?! πŸ™‚

    Love ya! Esteemed

    P.S. Ariel is doing fantastic! She’s back to her happy, silly self!



  377.  #377Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    Sweetpea, thank you. You’re right,. It is NOT ok if they go for a drink alone. That is what you call a DATE.

    And if he wants to go on dates with other women, then what is wrong with me dating other men??

    He doesn’t like it at all and I know that’s why he’s emailing me now. The last thing he wants is for me to start dating other men, but he also doesn’t want to give me the relationship I want. So he is NOT happy because he has a choice to make and he doesn’t like either of them.

    If he chooses to continue as we are, he is almost guaranteed of ending up alone because the married woman made it clear over a year ago (and many times since) that she was staying with her husband. And yep. She’s still there! And then there’s me. I’m a catch. So he knows I’ll be snapped up by the next lucky man that comes along. And he doesn’t like it!

    His only other option is to give me the “real” relationship. And that scares the cr@p out of him. He doesn’t like that idea either.

    I suddenly feel powerful.

    If I stick to my boundaries on this I either get the relationship I want, or I suddenly become free (and guilt free) to go and find someone else.

    Yes, I think that looks much more like me looking after myself. πŸ™‚



  378.  #378Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    Liz,

    Yes it was me who asked about my psychic friend. She’s never had any formal training, but she’s been doing this long enough that she’s good – usually spot on. I had already considered that it’s possibly something I’m not ready to hear. What she is telling me is totally incongruend with what I’ve seen from MM. So I went to another friend of mine who’s pretty aware and who has talked to MM to see what her thoughts are. She too finds them to be totally incongruent – not just from the conversations I’ve had with him that I’ve shared with her, but from her own impressions of him. That’s when I got on here and asked you (bless you for responding) whether it’s possible that she’s projecting.

    I feel kinda strange sharing this here, but through no fault of her own, my pf (psychic friend) just spent four days in jail. A horrible, horrible experience for her – she’s just learning to block out everyone else’s stuff that comes roaring at her, so she’s completely exhausted. It was while she was there that she had this epiphany about MM and it just happens to coincide with the issues the guys she’s currently enamored with is obviously struggling with.

    Everything else she told me is things that I’ve already sensed, but she caught me off guard with the “if it doesn’t work out with you, he’s going to go into mid-life crisis and date women twenty years younger than him that he can lead around by the nose and “train” to be who he wants them to be.” He’s shown no tendency to me toward being controlling and in fact, we’ve had discussions that he disagrees with me about the masculine/feminine roles to an extent. He believes it should be 50/50. I believe I should let him lead and if I really disagree with him, then we can discuss it. So it just doesn’t jive with what I know of him.

    And he’s a straight shooter. So I have no reason to believe he’s blowing “smoke up my skirt” or in anyway trying to appease me.

    I still feel a bit disturbed by it. I feel concern for my friend if she’s been this traumatized by her experience and concern for myself if my radar is this far off on this guy. So…I guess I just feel concern, either way. My intuition is usually spot on too, so the fact that one of us is way off base is just, well….concerning.



  379.  #379lk on December 6, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    hi, everyone! i’m feeling really soft right now….

    i went to this industry party alone… ended up meeting people who were really great. multiple people (!) contacting my boss to tell him that i should be representing more & one person offering me support from within my company to help a pet project of mine that i haven’t been able to get anybody to pay attention to yet, but i’ve been doing my own work on it….

    i love when men ask me what i “think” like it’s a joke & then are so shocked when i’ve been keeping up & can take it a step further

    lk works like a g.g. : )

    CDcd missed call – i call him – i email him info – my friend calls – i call my friend – CD calls – I lose my friend – I call CD – I lose CD – my friend calls – CD calls – CD calls – CD calls – i say goodbye to my friend – i call CD…….. he’s like, we didn’t get to speak in spanish!

    awwwwwww

    but now i’m in the twisted place about cars & maps. i’m not a boy. someone else do this for me. i don’t want to do those kind of hard plans. i like thinking about avocados & mustard : ))))))

    goodnight, lk. thanks for going to yoga, thanks for working hard, thanks for meeting with dreamlady, thanks for going home, thanks for going to the party, thanks for talking to my buddy & to my sweet CD : )

    thanks in advance for the stretches, the music, the cuddles, the air : ) you’re cute : ) be good to yourself sweet baby & be easy — it’s just this one time — it’s just the alpha for the omega — it’s just the 820 — u know ?



  380.  #380Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    BW @ 377 –

    Yeah, BW!!! That’s exactly the space you need to come from to make yourself happy imho. It’s not about the men – it’s about us and getting what we want in a relationship.

    After all, there IS a man out there who won’t have a problem with not dating other women if TH can’t give that to you. Does that help at all with any of the anger you’re feeling around this?



  381.  #381lk on December 6, 2011 at 8:41 pm

    MMMMMMM i want to do that thing & start that too & make that project very successful & also smile all the time : )

    yep! i can do that!



  382.  #382Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:42 pm

    Esteemed @ 376,

    Awww thank you! I feel blushing.

    I have gotten my life coaching website up and have gotten the word out to a few people who might be able to send some clients my way. I’m still trying to figure out my niche, but I do feel like I have some valid relationship experience to offer. So thought I’d try my “coaching voice” out a little bit on here. It feels odd to be giving advice, but I do feel drawn a bit toward relationship coaching. Mostly I think I want to focus on self image, but that would include some light relationship stuff too, I imagine.

    Glad to hear Ariel’s doing well. I saw your post on getting the rent money for this month, too. Hallelujah!!



  383.  #383Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    Sweetpea, most of my anger has been directed at ME for tolerating this!

    But now I feel kind of calm.

    He will ultimately do whatever he wants. He always has and always will. But now he knows that certain actions are going to mean certain consequences (losing me being the biggy).

    I can’t make him turn off his feelings for her or to suddenly want a relationship with me. That is totally out of my control.

    But I can control who I think about, what I do and who I do it with! πŸ˜‰



  384.  #384Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Starla @ 356 –

    Amen Sister, amen! Lol!

    I’ve been doing lots of thinking lately about how confident I feel that I will be able to have a successful relationship. I used to feel so much fear around it – that omg! I’m going to feel miserable, get bored, I hate having to call to let someone know I’m stopping at the store, it’s not going to last… Blah, blah, etc., etc.

    Knowing what I know now, having the tools I have now and mainly just being pretty well enamored of me, I feel fully confident that a happy, fulfilling life is mine for the taking. And some lucky guy is gonna get to join me in that. And DAMN! He IS lucky – and he’ll be smart enough to realize it, too. πŸ˜‰

    Same for you, sister Siren. Same for you. Aren’t we just the cat’s meow?



  385.  #385Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    Sweetpea,

    πŸ™‚



  386.  #386Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 8:59 pm

    BW @ 383 –

    I feel as if I’m in a good church service tonight, lol! I keep wanting to say, “amen.”

    The anger is anger, is anger – whether it’s directed at yourself or at him. Actually, it’s more harmful if it’s directed toward yourself, but only if you choose to do nothing about it.

    The tone of your comments is different – I sense peace and empowerment. That’s what it’s all about it. You are fantastic and amazing. If he doesn’t realize that, or can’t handle it for whatever reason, you’re right – you owe it to yourself to keep the doors open to your own happiness. In fact, not only that, you owe it to yourself to make SURE you’re happy – whether it be with him, or someone else.

    For me, I wouldn’t even think of it as actions and consequences, although that is what it will be, ultimately. I would think of it more as “this poor, poor man can’t give me what I want, so he’s gonna lose the prize. Bummer for him. Bummer for me, too – but I’m gonna go get me what I want.”

    It still doesn’t have to be all or nothing here. You draw your boundaries and stick to them and he may very well come around. He may find that you’re worth dealing with his discomfort – or he may not. Either way, you win. —It was big for me to realize I don’t have to dump him if he’s not able to give me what I want. All I have to do is state what I want and give him the space to give it to me. In the meantime, there are plenty of other guys out there who can give me what I want and I can pursue them, whilst keeping the other guy (in your case, TH) on the back of the horse. No all or nothing here. Just winning.



  387.  #387Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #384 – Beautifully Said! So does that mean you’ve graduated from Commitment Blueprint and I can have it back for a refresher? πŸ˜‰



  388.  #388Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:06 pm

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #386 – Amen, Siren Sista! LOL! πŸ˜†



  389.  #389Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    Tenny @ 369 –

    Wow! What an epiphany. How much time have many of us wasted keeping relationships going that were never meant for us in the first place?

    Wow! Wow, wow!



  390.  #390Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:11 pm

    I feel happy tonight, too, because I’ve been having a very mature texting and talking session with R! I’m finally getting it! And I feel like I KNOW him, and like he’s actually opening up to me! I love that man!

    What was really cool is he was looking for some encouragement tonight in battling schizophrenia, and I read him two devotionals from “His Princess: Love Letters from Your King”. The book is written for women, and where it said, “My Princess”, I said, “My Prince”…and it felt so natural! Because that is who R is to me! After each devotional, he said, “It made me misty eyed”. Awww! Do you know how rare it is that my dollbaby tells me his emotions? I love it, because I love a sensitive man, and he is extremely sensitive, yet he usually hides it.

    So at every turn, I practiced leaning back and letting go, never pressuring him to stay in conversation. December 24th will be the 3rd anniversary of when we started dating. How I hope he does something special with me. Yet I will be okay this year if he doesn’t. I know now where I stand with him: he is working on his own inner healing (of sorts), and he likes me in his life. And for now, that is enough for me. It is a miracle that he is still in my life after all the serious relational mistakes I made.

    I am in love with him.



  391.  #391Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    Thanks Sweetpea. I do feel a LOT better about not dumping him as such, but choosing to accept dates from other men while seeing him. If he decides he doesn’t want that, he can either walk away or offer me what I want – or put up with it like I have been with him!

    OMG he is not going to like this one little bit, and I know that no matter what happens here, I WILL get what I want. If not from him, from somebody else…



  392.  #392Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Esteemed @ 384 –

    I’m so sorry. I feel horrible. I literally have $5 to my name right now and I have to get Jaz food. As soon as some of this abundance starts manifesting for me, I’m on it though. Promise. I feel embarrassed.



  393.  #393Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    Esteemed @ 390 –

    No miracle at all. He’s lucky you’ve put up with all of his doo doo and stuck in there with him. Flip!

    Glad to hear you’re coming to peace with this and feeling better.



  394.  #394Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 9:29 pm

    Darn! I just remembered that I’m going out tonight and this morning I lent TH my umbrella…. now that wasn’t very smart, cos it’s pouring outside!!!



  395.  #395Daria on December 6, 2011 at 9:31 pm

    aww that feels good! i am a marshmallow!!

    i was talking about female power of attraction lst nite and thats how i described it

    a marshmallowy bunny



  396.  #396Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    πŸ™

    I think I just lost him. Now I feel sad…



  397.  #397Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Aww! MM already told me he was gonna be really busy last night and tonight and wouldn’t be able to call. I thought my “streak” of hearing from him everyday might get sidelined, but I got a “Happy Birthday” text last night. And then, just now, completely out of the blue, he sent me a sweet text saying it sucks having to wait until this weekend to see me!

    I feel smiley. Especially since I’ve heard from him every day for a whole week – since I worked through my issues around him not calling. Whoopee!!!

    I love my heart growth! I love this magic I create by being true to me and being responsible for my own happiness! I’m so in love with me and with life! (Even though I feel like a loser for being broke and struggling financially :().



  398.  #398Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:42 pm

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #392 – So sorry! I didn’t mean to embarrass you in public! I should have contacted you privately. I understand. Please buy your baby food! I went to a food bank last week, and I asked for dog food! They actually gave me a big bag of dog food and two cans of dog food! Another solution I’ve used in the past is just going to a food bank and using the food they gave me for my dogs, as well as me.



  399.  #399Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    BW,

    Just curious if you’ve ever taken a look at the baggagereclaim website? Several sirens have recommended it in the past….It may be helpful too along with Rori’s amazing work!



  400.  #400Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    Oh Sweetpea,

    I feel bad! When is your birthday?



  401.  #401Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:45 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #395 – “a marshmallowy bunny”

    LOL, I love it! It’s cute, and it makes me feel smilkey! πŸ™‚



  402.  #402Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    I feel really, really horrible about my financial situation right now. I’ve been teary off and on today. Can’t seem to heal these blocks to abundance and I feel so weary of this battle. Despite feeling freaking awesome about everything else.

    I want this healed! I know it’s not complicated. Abundance is my divine right – so why can’t I seem to “get it” and put it to work in my life?



  403.  #403Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:49 pm

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #393 – You said, “No miracle at all. He’s lucky you’ve put up with all of his doo doo and stuck in there with him. Flip!

    Glad to hear you’re coming to peace with this and feeling better.”

    Well, I would say it is a miracle both directions. He hurt me worse than I’ve ever been hurt by any human being. I stuck with his doo doo, and he stuck with mine. Because it wasn’t all his issues by a long shot.

    What is beautiful is that each of us is committed to lifelong growth, and each of us is working on our own issues. And I see significant growth in each of us. And now we are coming back together in a HEALTHY relationship, not toxic!



  404.  #404Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:50 pm

    Esteemed @ 398 –

    Aww – it’s ok. Today’s my day to heal stuff around money. What better place to do it than here?

    Thanks for the advice, too. This just feels so horrible and embarrassing and hopeless. I know it’s not, but reality really slaps ya in the face when you feed your dog her last bowl of food and realize none of the abundance has manifested yet. I know you know the feeling.

    My birthday was yesterday. Thanks for asking.



  405.  #405Daria on December 6, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    BW – now sink into the sadness… do NOTHING

    ps. you have not lost him, he will be back… with better stuff for you than you were getting before

    men do not generally leave when we respect our boundaries… they come back stronger (after some time to process)



  406.  #406Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Starbright @ 358,

    Has anyone responded to this?



  407.  #407Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Sweetpea,

    You have the right mindset. I will tell you from my own life. I, too, deeply desire to start a business, and I am seriously pursuing it…I just contacted a business vision organization, whose director I know personally. I am going to work with them for direction and inspiration. And I have a local friend (Isabel) who I am going to go into business with. Just last night we were brainstorming for about 2 hours. So I am not just SAYING I am going to start a business. I am actively working on it…

    In spite of the naysayers who say it takes 7 years to start a business and most of them fail…as a fact, Jack! And it’s true. But I am safeguarding myself by planning to have at least a part time income while it gets up and running. It is gutsy to start a business as your only income – I have tried it in the past. I just have found that I need an income until it gets up and running, as much as I hate a J.O.B. (Just Over Broke) JOB.



  408.  #408Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 9:54 pm

    BW – I completely agree with Daria @ 405.



  409.  #409Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    I have looked at that site Sweetpea but I think it talks about the zero contact thing. Unfortunately for me we work together and we’re about to do a bit of work together on a project… Ick.

    I know he’ll be back Daria – all of his clothes are here… πŸ™

    He lent me some money a while back and told me not to give it back to him until I had saved the whole lot. So I’ve been putting the money aside in a separate account. He just asked for part of it. He last did that the last time we had a huge fight. It feels like he’s trying to cut a tie or something. I then kind of said something nasty to him but transferred the money. And then I apologised saying he didn’t deserve that.

    He’s stopped talking to me now. I suppose I need to stop focusing on him and put it all on me.

    I need to exercise. Maybe I’ll do that. Then I’ll take a shower and then get ready for tonight. Yeah. I will feel a lot better once I’ve done that I think… :-\

    Focus on ME! Enjoy tonight and catch up with some great friends too. And keep the focus on ME and how I feel!

    Tonight’s event is all of 5 mins from his house.. πŸ™

    Where are my CDs???? πŸ™ πŸ™ πŸ™



  410.  #410Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:57 pm

    Starbright,

    RE: #358 – Ewww! How insensitive of him! I don’t feel qualified to respond…and I am interested to see what other Sirens would do, especially Daria…



  411.  #411Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    WHY do I keep lashing out at him like that???? πŸ™



  412.  #412Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    (((Butterfly Wings)))



  413.  #413Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    Thanks Esteemed….

    One day I will learn huh???



  414.  #414Daria on December 6, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    well in Starbright situation Daria might have shut down…

    or if not she would say something like… ‘hey i feel really embarassed to ask you this, do you think you can get me some food too…? i feel so hungry!”

    because Daria is doing her practicing asking for what she wants



  415.  #415Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    Sweetpea,

    No one else has responded to 358. Thanks for asking. I was in moderation…

    I feel kind of silly for bringing it up because I feel like I ought to know how to handle it and yet was hoping for some feedback.

    Any thoughts?

    Also, thinking about your financial issues…can’t recall if you said anything about watching the tapping videos FW put up in #3? I just did the tapping videos on chakra 1 and 3 and they are pretty powerful!



  416.  #416Daria on December 6, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    ‘or even, i feel weird, i feel hungry… and i don’t want to sit here feeling hungry… what do you think?”



  417.  #417Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Daria,

    RE: #414 – Right on! Thank you! I like it.



  418.  #418Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    #416 – Perfect! I take notes!



  419.  #419Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 10:04 pm

    Esteemed @ 407 –

    Been looking for the part-time stuff. The thing is, I have big time faith that the abundance is mine for the taking – it’s my divine birthright. I have big faith that it won’t take me seven years to get this biz up and running – (one of the fashion consulting businesses here has only been around since 2007 and she now has 2 employees and charges $1400 for her top package. Between the consulting and coaching, I’ve GOT this – I know I do!). AND I have big faith that I will be provided for – whether it’s through my work, or just getting me by for now.

    I actually feel surprised to be in this position. I was completely confident that something would come through for me by now – something paying. Amazingly, I really do feel surprised. Even the sparrows don’t go hungry. Neither will Jaz. But it sure hasn’t manifested the way I had faith it would.

    But it will.



  420.  #420Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:06 pm

    Aw, thanks Esteemed and Daria for writing me…

    I did feel uncomfortable! And, I would like to take care of myself better if a similar situation comes up again!!



  421.  #421Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    Butterfly Wings,

    RE: #413 – Give compassion to your weak parts.



  422.  #422Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:08 pm

    Daria, I like 416 even more!!! Thank-you!



  423.  #423Daria on December 6, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    πŸ™‚ I feel good you guys liked it!

    I feel so uncomfortable to tell someone “and i don’t want to sit here feeling … ”

    i expect them to yell at me like .. well then, Don’t.

    but that hasnt been my experience usually

    usually they magically step up



  424.  #424Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 10:15 pm

    Starbright @ 415,

    I’m not sure what I would do in that situation (358) that’s why I was curious if anyone else had responded. I do feel curious to know if you feel comfortable having a man pay. Stuff like this came up for me before I got comfortable with that. The last time it seemed like a guy wanted me to pick up the check, maybe pay my half though, I didn’t. I felt a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t give in to the urge to offer to pay my half, or look at the check, or ask him about it – I just let him handle it. I haven’t seen him, or talked to him since, but each and every guy I’ve been out with then since then has happily paid – no more weirdness around it.

    So…that being said, I feel hopeful that I’ve completely healed my awkwardness around a man paying. And…in your situation, considering what I just said, I probably would have just ordered something to eat and sunk into the awkward feelings and let them heal.

    Thank you for reminding me about the tapping. That’s been floating around the back of my mind since Monday and I believe – might just be the ticket. Gonna go check it out now. Right now!



  425.  #425Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:16 pm

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #419 – I feel inspired reading your statement of faith in the Law of Attraction. I am right there with you.

    I found for me, sometimes it is a moment to really grow in faith in real time. For example, my unemployment has been on hold for an entire month! My rent is paid; my dog got a $2100 surgery (ultimately I will pay $1250, but they gave her the surgery with no payment up front); step by step, I have been helped with a little grocery money there; a little gas money there.

    Finally today I spent over an hour talking with unemployment to set up my next 6 month account. I was told that the payments for November had finally been paid…I was just breathing deep inner sighs of relief when I found that it had all been credited to an unemployment debit card…THAT IS NOT IN MY POSSESSION! So now, after a month of living on faith, I have one or two more weeks to wait for this debit card to be sent in the mail. AND I found out my new, third tier of unemployment, starting December 1st, will most likely not be paid until sometime in January, because there is a waiting period to get the new account started (detailed as to why, and I won’t bore you here).

    So after all the faith I have exercised to get this far, as I sit in my furnished, heated, lit house with a full refrigerator, I have to continue on in faith for another week or two…and then another month after I finally receive that money.

    At moments it feels scary, but then I go right back to thinking above the clouds, where there are no storms…only sunshine.

    I just won’t have much gas money in the next week or two. I will have to just stay at home. Maybe I will turn it into a personal retreat.

    We have said we would trust Him no matter what…this is one of those times.



  426.  #426Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    I’ve finally really stood up for myself with a guy I’ve been seeing for way too long who doesn’t truly want what I want and I have felt so addicted to.

    I feel embarrassed to admit that I have felt addicted to him! But, by saying my don’t wants and wants and not seeing him I have been feeling so much better!

    He wanted to reduce our relationship to friendship or friends with benefits and I told him no (but all in feeling messages following Rori’s scripts.) I will not be reduced to either of those.

    I did not want to walk away, however I was not able to truly move on and I actually overall feel happier. And, Rori’s number one on those situations that I’ve come across is that you can’t stay there when he reduces you to just friends and/or friends with bene. Although there are the moments of sadness. I did really care for him!

    Then he said I was throwing everything away and we are so compatible and get along so great and have so much fun and how could I throw it away. Hmmm just who is throwing it all away? If I’m so great why doesn’t he want to commit to me?

    I felt like wavering over the past several hours, but kind of just got through it…

    With help from Rori’s work and you amazing sirens on this blog…I’ve been learning so so much! And, I’ve been cding for a little while. Wow, this is powerful work!!! I did not feel strong enough to stand up for myself before. And there are so many feelings I could have shared and shared in a non-blamey way and behaviors that I never ought to have put up for. I want to come first!

    Thank you to all of you being willing to share!!!

    XOXOXO



  427.  #427Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:21 pm

    Right now I feel fascinated watching the interaction between my 90 pound German Shepherd, Ariel, and two 4 week old kittens playing with her on the love seat! It is delightful! The dog is licking them and watching them, and they are climbing around on her back and all over the love seat. How I love animals!



  428.  #428Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    The kitten licked Ariel’s eye, and Ariel licked the kitten’s entire face! Now Ariel is nuzzling the kitten as she tries to burrow into Ariel’s neck.



  429.  #429Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:26 pm

    Starbright,

    RE: #426 – Fantastic! Good job!



  430.  #430Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    The two kittens are between Ariel’s front legs, trying to nurse. πŸ™‚



  431.  #431Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:27 pm

    423 – Wow, Daria! Yes, I feel that way too!

    424 – Sweetpea, thanks for sharing about comfort or not on a guy paying…it is something for me to work on.

    I hope you feel some good things from the tapping.
    I did the chakra 1 four rounds! Wow! Each time I came down a notch in how strongly I felt the negative vibes. I kind of wondered if it took me longer because I’ve had so much emotional stuff in my system lately! However, I would really like to manifest financial abundance!



  432.  #432Esteemed on December 6, 2011 at 10:28 pm

    Ariel is cleaning one while the other is swatting at the bandanna around Ariel’s neck! LOL! This is just so precious!



  433.  #433Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    426 Starbright – thank you so much for sharing. Your post gives me hope. xx



  434.  #434Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:32 pm

    Esteemed,

    429 – Thanks so very much! It has been quite a challenge over the last three weeks in particular. And, I cried a bit during our talk last night, however I feel like I’m taking care of me in the best way that I can.

    He is shocked that I will not take one of his two poor options because I have taken his crumbs for a long time. Yeah me for feeling the sadness and also the happiness and strength I truly have and saying no to crumbs!



  435.  #435Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    433 BW – Thanks!

    The biggest help has been Rori’s work and reading this blog and the baggage reclaim site (not just about no contact but reading about the unavailable guy and the fallback girl – so us and so yuck!)



  436.  #436Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    Esteemed @ 425,

    Another amen! Can I hear an amen, sister?!

    Thank you. I really do feel strongly about this. I felt teary-eyed reading: “At moments it feels scary, but then I go right back to thinking above the clouds, where there are no storms…only sunshine.”

    This is it, exactly! There is so much more to this than logic, this is about BELIEF my sister! Can I hear another amen? Lol!

    I seriously keep feeling as if I’m in this fired up black church tonight! I feel excited and vibrating and I just love that kind of spirituality. It’s cracking me up! Anyway…

    …”We have said we would trust Him no matter what…this is one of those times.” Yes, yes! My Creator has greater things in mind for me (for both of us). I don’t care what the naysayers say. I feel this to the very tips of my fingers and soles of my feet. Great things are in store for me and they’re just around the corner!

    In the meantime, I’m trying really hard to not chew my nails…:s



  437.  #437Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    Oooh yeah fallback girl! I have DEFINITELY felt like that many times over!!!



  438.  #438Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    427 – Esteemed, Have you taken any photos or video of your large dog and kittens? It sounds so cute like something that would be on youtube!



  439.  #439Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    Starbright @ 426,

    OMG! Don’t feel embarrassed! We all feel addicted to men at some point (well, maybe not Daria, because she be the Queen – but I think even Daria experiences this). That’s why Starla calls her CD, CF – it stands for crack fix! No embarrassment, no embarrasment.

    Now…I shall return and finish reading your post! πŸ˜€



  440.  #440Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:44 pm

    BW,

    I really want this work I’ve been doing to mean that I don’t identify with the fallback girl anymore! This sharing feelings in general and the don’t wants, wants and scripts seems to be really important in changing this pattern!



  441.  #441Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:46 pm

    Sweetpea – Thanks to you!!

    Also to Esteemed, Daria, BW for all making me feel so welcome! You sirens are the best!



  442.  #442Daria on December 6, 2011 at 10:48 pm

    Daria does experience addiction to men still yes



  443.  #443Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    440 – BW
    I hope that didn’t sound weird! I have sooo been the fallback girl! And, I sooo don’t want to be in that place anymore. However, I also want to be kind to myself as hopefully you will be too as we transition!



  444.  #444Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 10:53 pm

    Starbright @ 426-

    Awesome, awesome! How inspiring!



  445.  #445Starbright on December 6, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    444- Sweetpea,

    Thanks it means a lot to have such great feedback from you!

    And, now I feel like I’ve been writing up a storm on here. It feels great to share with other woman who understand.



  446.  #446Lovebug on December 6, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    Let them pay!! I’m turned off subconsciously by men who don’t pay. I feel that they should want to put their best foot forward and pay. Why this is an issue for men is lame. I would never let my clients buy in my company. It shows that I value them and their business to me. If a guy doesn’t make it a mission to pay I’m just not into them and feel they don’t value my company. Then I don’t value them. We spend time being beautiful and we deserve that appreciation. Its a sign of insecurity to me. If they cannot afford a simple dinner for the woman they might be the mother of their children one day, forget it. Dating should be your best foot forward always.



  447.  #447Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 11:11 pm

    443 Starbright – I hear you girl! πŸ™‚



  448.  #448Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 11:17 pm

    I forgot to mention earlier he replied saying that he would do things with me through the day – I just had to ask.

    Meh. I don’t like that idea. The last time I asked him to go for a walk he was “too busy” but still found several other occasions that day to go for walks with married woman (I think I’ll just call her MW!).

    So I told him that I felt rejected the last time, which of course was compounded when I realised that he’d found time for her instead.

    So I told him that I did not want to feel rejected again, nor did I want him to go for walks with me because he felt obligated to. So I was not going to ask him.

    I also told him how alone I felt and that I wished I had him to talk to sometimes especially when I was having a bad day. But I was afraid to ask because of my fear of rejection.

    I also brought up my birthday when he said he didn’t want to go because MW was there. Uh. She was there yesterday. With him. Alone. Ouch.

    Anyway, I didn’t say any of that in a blamey way, but I needed to get it out. So it’s out. And it’s now up to him to go away and process it while I go out with my friends and enjoy myself tonight.

    I just hope I can take my mind off him…



  449.  #449Sweetpea on December 6, 2011 at 11:19 pm

    Ack! The video is locking up on me halfway in! Not cool. It’ll start working though – watch! Hee hee



  450.  #450Daria on December 6, 2011 at 11:21 pm

    “And it’s now up to him to go away and process it ”

    whenver BW says something like this about what is up to him, even something seemingly logically innocuous like this

    my shoulders feel tightened up and im like bracing waiting for it to pass

    i wonder what that’s about



  451.  #451Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 11:23 pm

    He’s coming over and wants me to leave the door unlocked so he can get in (we usually do that).

    I told him I’d leave it unlocked and asked if he’d be here when I got home later.

    He replied with “I guess”. So I’m assuming he wants to talk??? I really hope so. I want us to come to some agreement we both like… πŸ™



  452.  #452Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 11:24 pm

    Hmmm not sure Daria. Well I do believe it IS up to him. In fact what he does in his life IS totally up to him.

    But what I do about it is totally up to me!

    He’s not the only one making choices here….

    And now he’s chosen to come here. Meanwhile I’ve chosen to NOT change my plans and I’m going out with the girls. Yay me! πŸ™‚



  453.  #453Butterfly Wings on December 6, 2011 at 11:33 pm

    Oh GREAT! Somebody at work has just booked a meeting with me, TH AND MW!!!! AWKWARD!!! πŸ™

    Ok going out now. Talk later sirens and thank you all so much for your support.

    xxxx



  454.  #454Lovebug on December 6, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    Not sure what is goin on….
    Met this guy a year ago and hit it off from the second we met. We think the same and have the same rare viewpoints on life, religion, politics and are also in the same career. We are both 39 and yet we have not gone on a real date. We talk and then he wants to meet out. I might meet him out half of the time and wen always have a good time. Sex has only happened once in the 10 times that we have seen each other. He tells me how much he cares about me all of the time. I have set up boundaries that I know he respects but something is holding him back from jumping into a relationship with me. One night he slipped when I was asking him some questions and he said he just wants “to be sure”. He the said that he was telling me too much. Last night He came over and we fell asleep on each other for an hour.

    He left and I swear I never feel this way and there’s something so different about him for me. I’m just not sure if I need to be patient or if he’s ever going to be emotionally available to me the way I need him to be. I can’t tell…. I know he is trying to figure it out. I know I have to carry on in a way but it’s been a year. At the same time I have seen him grow as a person and his potential is there. He tells me a lot of stuff and it sort of feels like we are dating but then again we arent There’s also fear in me that wants me to tell
    him to go away. It’s so confusing and hard for my rational mind to deal with. What do I do? I’m 39, never married, attractive, fun, have everything together, have been told that I can be intimidating. I’m also sweet, caring and warm hearted. My one friend says I’m passive aggressive and agree with her at times. I have a hard time being vulnerable and I’m sure this guy does too. What do I do????



  455.  #455Sweetpea on December 7, 2011 at 12:22 am

    Wooooow! That was awesome! I realized I had money blocks and where they originated, I just had no idea that my part of it was hiding. Suhweet!

    Thanks FW for sharing and thank you Starbright for the reminder to go do this!



  456.  #456Daria on December 7, 2011 at 1:30 am

    wow you know what i just remembered

    when i went to Romania in july, on the plane, i still had some issues with my bladder… it felt uncomfortable on the plane and i wished i had taken some of the urinary help herb capsules that helped me with me on the plane

    well now… i am so not worrie about this. i haven’t even been feeling any twinges or anything, no matter if im eating sugar or drinking or smoking

    so awesome

    thank you for healing

    i feel so glad

    it was… lets see

    another year and a half until it healed fully

    same as the first time i had this issue, also for a year ana half and then it healed fully

    wow

    both times it was from sex (but wiht different men)

    wow me

    thank you body for healing!

    i feel so easy breezy now

    and i feel a bit worried … i felt that way then too and … all of a sudden i was ill

    and i love me

    i love my healing and my magic

    thank you so much



  457.  #457sammie sighs on December 7, 2011 at 3:33 am

    BW Hi I have been reading through your posts ..do you feel like you give TH alot of ultimations? it seems like you are both going in circles..I notice this because thats how I used to be with Mr P. I have since come to a point where I don’t follow up a feeling statement with an email or text and then aplologise then get mad then lash out again with yet another text/email. I just feel that you state a boundary like you dont want to hear about MW and that you wont be second place in any mans life because that feels bad and then instead of just letting it be, you seem to have to add more when you hear nothing back and then you lash out and then apologise, if seems like your afraid deep down that he will walk away so you have to reach out..(((hugs))) to that little girl inside of you wanting to feel protected, I have been the same. But what is happening hun is you are continuing a cycle and he is not being allowed time to see this MW to see what she is really like and to miss you. And finally make up his mind about what he wants. Give him total space TOTAL state your boundary then leave it, no looking at his fb page, block his comments let him make up his mind. Take the time to love you !!! to be with the girls with your little girl and just be and beleive me he will either step up and be what you want or he will do you both a favour and go, it will truly be that simple without you having to do a thing and you will never have to ask again why do I lash out?? because you wont x



  458.  #458Butterfly wings on December 7, 2011 at 4:16 am

    Thanks Sammie. I think I know what I’m going to do.

    I talked to him already about me dating other men while he decides what he wants, as a way of taking care of me.

    So how I see it is this: if he doesn’t give me the relationship I want, then dating others I will do! Simple!

    After tonight (more on that later) I can see that my life is going to suddenly become much more exciting and VERY busy anyway. So I will hardly miss him!!!

    Oh I hope I can maintain this mindset for a while longer!!!

    My period’s due next week too. I thought I’d feel more hormonal than this. I did cry earlier though when I was working out. It felt good. Like a release!



  459.  #459Butterfly wings on December 7, 2011 at 4:18 am

    And yes, I’ve been in this vicious circle for too long and it’s time to stop!



  460.  #460Daria on December 7, 2011 at 4:43 am

    Just realized in healing Another of the blocks I had to getting married, which is that I thought I was addicted to excitement and to showing off out and about and flashiness

    And to me that conflicted with happy peaceful (I guess ‘humble’ ) natural healthy kind loving homelife

    Kinda like addicted to being a pimp or something. To being cool.

    So now that I’ve become aware and am noticing this and decided to allow myself to have the excitement I want And the happy homelife… Tho I don’t know how it will come together

    I just accept my desire as GOOD

    And it will magically!

    Yes!

    Sooo fraakin cool!

    And thinking some of the men coming back or coming to me lately have been the exciting kind – like NohCD… That’s how I becAme
    aware

    It’s not addiction it’s my desire

    I love my desires



  461.  #461Daria on December 7, 2011 at 4:45 am

    And flashy status

    I love my flashy status

    What about beyonce and jz

    Ok I wouldn’t be like them in other ways but in the ways I want yes I can!



  462.  #462Daria on December 7, 2011 at 4:49 am

    I now got another vision and feeling to add to my ideal relationship , which is me and my man going out at night

    I still have voices pointin the contrast between that and the homelife vision

    How will it work? Who will watch the kids?

    It will work and even better than I imagine wow!

    And I’ll Expand my ideal relationship w more visions and that’s

    GOOD!



  463.  #463Lizka on December 7, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Woaaah! 135 new posts since I went to bed last night!! You sirens were active during my beauty sleep! πŸ™‚

    I really need help on this one. It’s about sharing my boundary.

    So C.A-CD asked me for dinner and I kind of said yes but than I realised that he wants me to go at his place for dinner. No no no this ain’t happening. I DON’T want to go to his place on the 3rd date. It is too much pressure. I just want casual dating with him for now, not interested in any kind of physical contacts (actually I’m not even sure I want to date him but according to some of you I should give him a chance)…

    So when i realised thatt the dibber was going to be at his place, I escaped and said I will only know this morning if I am free because i might have to work late (lie). And now he’s expecting my answer in an hour or 2… The answer is obviously going to be NO but I don’t know how to tell him?

    Any suggestions?

    Should I go with something like “I don’t feel comfortable and tempted by your invitation. I don’t want to go to men’s place on a 3rd date. This puts a lot of pressure on me and Idon’t want to feel like that. What do you think?”

    Or any better idea? I really nees help, he’s waiting for my answer very very soon…



  464.  #464Femininewoman on December 7, 2011 at 6:04 am

    Lizka you never want to lie. Rori’s work is about speaking the truth to a man to help heal your heart and to practice being vulnerable. I would encourage you to share with him that you feel uncomfortable about going to his home and that you prefer to go out if possible. Ask him what he thinks. I would also encourage you to let him know that it does not have to be something expensive, just in case finances might be an issue for him. Some guys do expect sex by the third date.



  465.  #465Mel on December 7, 2011 at 6:10 am

    I realized, after a good sleep last night, where my “coward” comment came from.

    Lately, I’ve been in contact with my ex (which never makes me feel very good) about initiating divorce proceedings. Originally, he had promised that he would take care of getting the paperwork in order, but now he’s dragging his heels. I would prefer to just be over with it… and completely close that chapter in my life. I don’t want to feel tied to him anymore at all. So if I want it done, it looks like I may have to step-up and do it myself.

    Him stalling just brought back the memories of his bad behavior all over again. And how it seems that it is being left up to me (again) to make the big decisions. And I felt resentful. Like I’m being forced into my boy energy. I don’t want to feel that way.



  466.  #466Femininewoman on December 7, 2011 at 6:12 am

    BW I hope you do make a commitment to really stop. Starla to me is an example of a cycle that seemed to have been circling around a few months ago. Since she decided to stop it her life seems to have dramatically changed for the better. She even changed her name and always seem to have star dust falling off of her.



  467.  #467Femininewoman on December 7, 2011 at 6:17 am

    Mel think of it this way, you need your boy energy to take care of yourself. When you communicate with him you feel bad and you don’t want that. Using your boy energy to help speed to the happy channel could be doing your girl a favor.

    I have a cousin who dealt with something similar. Today 9-10 years later she is still tied to him because she does not want to be bothered to do the proceedings herself. I know I would not want that for myself as he shows up to the house unannounced whenever he feels like.



  468.  #468Femininewoman on December 7, 2011 at 6:18 am

    You are most welcome Sweetpea. I keep going to them.



  469.  #469Mel on December 7, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Thanks FW! So true….



  470.  #470Lizka on December 7, 2011 at 6:33 am

    Thank you FW. I will send the messages even thought it fells weird to be that vulnerable. Have to translate it in French now and it seems even more weird… Any french speaker who can help me to translate this one:

    β€œI don’t feel comfortable with your invitation. I don’t want to go to men’s place on a 3rd date. I’m not there yet. This puts a lot of pressure on me and I don’t want to feel like that. I would prefere to go out and it doesn’t have to be something expensive. What do you think?”



  471.  #471Mel on December 7, 2011 at 6:39 am

    Awwwwwww….. so sweet! Mr. Architect has started to send “check-in” texts to me. Like “Just leaving work… talk later?” Or “Going out with some friends, I’ll be home by 9.” He doesn’t have to do this, but it feels endearing. Like he wants me to know where he is.



  472.  #472Lovebug on December 7, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Luzka…. Has the same issue a few weeks ago and I told that I wasn’t feeling it. Not him but the date. Now is your time to do something and not play house. Just tell him that it’s too early for that. Men are clueless and you have to tell them if you aren’t comfortable. My guy was sort of embarrassed. Now we do things. I’m also not a home body and I told him that. You are not a yes girl and I’m not at all. He knows that about me now. I just believe men should do it right or don’t do it at all.



  473.  #473Radiance on December 7, 2011 at 6:45 am

    435 Starbright

    just scanning the comments quickly this a.m. saw your reference to baggage reclaim–sweet! lots of good stuff there for me… thanks! and welcome



  474.  #474Esteemed on December 7, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Starbright,

    RE: #438 – I was thinking of making a video of the dog and kittens last night! I was in a darkly lit room, because it is only lit with lamps, and I need more lamps. If it weren’t for that, I would have! Maybe I will have to set them up to play on the bed in my bedroom, which has better lighting! It really was the kind of thing to watch that you would see on youtube and it would warm your heart for the day!

    I’m glad you feel welcome here! I’ve been on this blog for 1.5 years now, and it is just addicting for me! I just love coming here and chatting with my sisters from all around the world! It is not a perfect place, but I feel more and more warmth here, and I learn so much and feel so much love for each woman each time I come here!

    Hugs, Esteemed



  475.  #475Esteemed on December 7, 2011 at 6:59 am

    Mmm, what a way to start the day: two mouthwatering grapefruits and homemade mint iced tea with honey! I finally have a decent kitchen, proper food, and the right emotional mindset with which to eat healthy!

    I am going to return to 150 lbs (68 kg, for your European ladies). And my vision is that R will find complete healing from schizophrenia while I find complete healing from emotional damage and obesity and we will cum together as a stupendous couple! I am so in love with my Dollbaby!



  476.  #476Femininewoman on December 7, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Lizka I would change it simply It feels uncomfortable, it feels like too much pressure and I want to take my time getting to know new people.

    “I don’t feel” is not causing a bit of confusion in my brain. It comes across as negative and really does not express what you actually feel or want. I would stick with I feel, I want and I don’t want.



  477.  #477Esteemed on December 7, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Sweetpea,

    RE: #436 – LOL! AMEN, Siren Sister!

    (In case anyone doesn’t know, “Amen” means “So be it”).



  478.  #478Esteemed on December 7, 2011 at 7:04 am

    We be on the Happy Channel! No matter what!



  479.  #479Esteemed on December 7, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Starbright,

    RE: #434 – Yeah me for feeling the sadness and also the happiness and strength I truly have and saying no to crumbs!

    Yeah you for feeling the sadness and also the happiness and strength I truly have and saying no to crumbs! πŸ˜†



  480.  #480Starbright on December 7, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Question about a new CD – SP.

    I have been emailing with him on an online dating site since Sunday. It started very slowly with him sending “Hi.” And, then a sentence. My short feeling messages than turned into magic as he sent back a full page! I felt so smiley!

    Yesterday morning he ended his email:

    “Would you like to talk on the phone sometime?”

    I had woken up a bit teary based on the talk the previous night with my long term guy…and decided to answer back later in the day when I was feeling much better.

    I sent an email just before leaving work ending with,
    “Sure, it would feel really good to talk on the phone sometime. My number is …”

    SP responded back with:
    “Thanks for your number. Thanks for your number. Now I have my kids starting tomorrow until Sunday afternoon. It’s real difficult to call when they’re here, so I won’t be able to call until Sunday evening or so. Hope that’s alright.”

    And, I felt kind of bad about that…Why did he ask if I wanted to talk if he couldn’t talk for several days???

    Anyhow here’s how I answered and just wondering if I sounded too blamey as he has not emailed back and he usually emails early in the morning…maybe he goes to bed really early? I don’t…And, based my email on the fact of my frustrated feelings and that it was still just about 8 pm.

    I started with:, “Oh, it feels like you are teasing me a bit asking if we can talk and then putting me off until Sunday since you will have your kids tomorrow! πŸ™‚ ”

    Then I proceeded to answer his questions about my favorite film directors and movies…

    Would anyone be willing to give me some feedback here? I would greatly appreciate it!



  481.  #481Lizka on December 7, 2011 at 7:15 am

    Oh thank you FW for the advice! I corrected my message following what you suggested and just sent it. πŸ™‚



  482.  #482Izzy on December 7, 2011 at 7:17 am

    I wonder what would make BW feel good during the day… What is fun for her?

    For me it would be:

    Get my nails done during lunch hour.
    Get back to the office and show my colleagues the awesome nail polish I’m wearing.
    Getting a great massage.
    Enjoy reading a fun and relaxing book or magazine.
    Look at flowers on a flower shop. They are so beautiful!
    Look at puppies on youtube.
    Listen to Chopin.
    Have a nice cup of gourmet coffee.
    Maybe get a day BF… Who else is available around here?



  483.  #483Esteemed on December 7, 2011 at 7:25 am

    Starbright,

    RE: #477 – I have found for me I tend to get hypersensitive about everything a man says, does, doesn’t say, or doesn’t do. I am learning to back off and say, “Okay! I feel excited to talk with you!”

    Perhaps when he asked you, he was hoping to talk with you right then, within a few hours. Keep in mind YOU delayed, which was fine on your part. You didn’t know he was about to get his kids. I don’t see anything wrong with a man handling the responsibility of his kids…in fact, it is admirable.

    I have found what really scores high with men is when I become truly sensitive to them and take into consideration their needs. For example, R is really sensitive about anyone overhearing him, what he calls “sound privacy”. I’ve known him 4 years now, and he pretty much shuts down if we are in a public place, like a restaurant.

    Just to give you an idea, last night he texted me, wanting to “talk”. When he said “talk”, I assumed he meant on the phone. When he texted, “What do you want to talk about?”, I responded by calling him, because I had a devotional I wanted to share with him, that would be lengthy to text.

    He let my call go to voicemail. Then he said it’s difficult for him to talk, because his parents’ bedroom was above his. When he heard what I intended to do, he said that would be okay. So he called me back, and we read and discussed two devotionals. Then he said, “Can we go back to texting now?”

    After we hung up, he thanked me for understanding why he wanted to communicate silently.



  484.  #484Starbright on December 7, 2011 at 7:26 am

    Oh, I have just received an email from Long term guy…

    What precipitated our discussion night before last was that he was not believing that anything had changed…yet was feeling me pulling way back and had started calling me daily. However, I was busy and didn’t hear my phone and did not want to call back and he didn’t ask me too. So, after a few days of not reaching me by phone…

    On Saturday he decided to send out an invite to another person and include me and asking the two of us to join him and another friend for dinner this evening.

    This would have meant going to our professional organization meeting which I had already told him I would not be doing. I also added I would not be there this month. When pressed, I said I am considering leaving it. It is the only real tie I have with him.

    Now, he has just sent an email to me and the other two people saying I have declined the invitation but that “We hope that she reconsiders and meets us at …giving the time and restaurant name and address..

    He ends it with saying he will be giving blood this afternoon so may be running late… What?

    Anyhow, now I may hear from one of the other two people…I feel the pull…in other circumstances I would have liked to meet up with the three of them…but it’s just another way of his getting his way and reeling me back in for more crumbs!



  485.  #485sammie sighs on December 7, 2011 at 7:28 am

    Hi Mel,

    I had a ex husband very similar to your own and found I had to be the one to start proceedings. Its so hard and financially can be difficult so really look around for a good Lawyer one you feel comfortable with. It was well worth the trouble and money as returning to my maiden name gave me the peace and closure I needed from him x



  486.  #486sammie sighs on December 7, 2011 at 7:29 am

    BW glad to help, I know you can do this you sound like an amazing women x



  487.  #487sammie sighs on December 7, 2011 at 7:32 am

    I now have to learn how to be a support to my son they think he has Autism and it runs in my ex husband’s family. He has got to be tested again now he is of age. Its hard because his symptoms are getting stronger, he has severe learning difficulties but is a bright, loving child, but is becoming increasingly emotional and obessesive which shows up in constant washing of his hands..its very hard emotinally to deal with as a single mum I feel exhaughsted at times and at time clueless in how to help him x



  488.  #488Starbright on December 7, 2011 at 7:35 am

    Esteemed,

    Thanks for responding.

    It’s true I have no idea of SP’s intention of when he wanted to talk with me. It’s very possible he had in mind talking in the very early evening…he’s a high school teacher…He has been writing me in the 5 am hour and between 6 pm and 10:30 pm so I was definitely in his window of when he communicates…but in the middle of the evening…Anyhow, now all I can do is do my own thing and either he will contact me or he won’t!



  489.  #489sammie sighs on December 7, 2011 at 7:37 am

    Sorry to clog up the blog, haven’t been on here for a while so alot to get out! I also have just met Mr P’s daughter the older one they are visiting their dad and he asked me to meet them, I always had an excuse before it has been 3 years and never made the meeting part yes I’m a coward and also wanted to be sure we were moving in the right direction before we got kids involved again. The older girl is 18 and very opinionated so Im scared any suggestions on how to handle teenagers I have no experience whatsoever and I dont want them to feel Im taking their dad away!! The older girl just looked and said hi then carried on I just said hi back wow hard !! x



  490.  #490Liz on December 7, 2011 at 7:55 am

    daria at 339
    re judgemental
    great processing, learning to let go of judgement and be neutral to yourself and other people, i think that’s enlightenment, isn’t it….so you are on your way to becoming an enlightened being….and loving yourself a ton on the way and thanks for your help last night.
    and all your sharing….



  491.  #491Liz on December 7, 2011 at 8:06 am

    BW,
    Hi! What a wild ride the last few days have been for you and me….are you inclined to do that psychic scan, where you visualize him in front of you and then call in a relationship angel and ask the angel if TH? is a good match for you and have her draw a heart for yes and an X for no. Sometimes these things calm me down and get me out of my head.
    Have you tried the tapping FW talked about? Where in your body are you feeling it the most, which chakra? Sending you light and acknowledging your inner wisdom and accepting that this TH situation is perfect for your growth right now….how old do you feel in this situation, adult or child like? I know with my accountant situation I am feeling 90% child, so it is presenting to me so I can resolve wounds with my father, so I bless the situation in rare moments of clarity and when i have those moments of clarity something shifts….so TH is a messenger for you….
    wishing you some clarity today beautiful Butterfly Wings!!!!



  492.  #492Liz on December 7, 2011 at 8:08 am

    sammie sighs
    so sorry to hear about your son and autism….in my nutrition counseling, i advise people to watch the youtube videos about GAP and body ecology…..you can google these terms and watch…..hope it is helpful…..best of luck on you and your son’s healing journey…



  493.  #493Femininewoman on December 7, 2011 at 8:23 am

    How Can I Delay Having Sex With a Man Without Killing the Attraction?

    Submitted by Tony Monterastelli on Wed, 2011-12-07 09:34
    I find it quite difficult to communicate to a guy that I am very into him and sexually attracted but that I don’t want to take things further. I have no problem saying β€œno.” It just turns into a mood-killer. What can I say or do in these situations to keep the spark alive and to keep his motivation and masculinity high, but without giving in to propositions for sex? I want to learn to say β€˜no’ tactfully and continue to build rather than kill the attraction.
    http://www.womenshappiness.com/questions-and-answers/how-can-i-delay-having-sex-with-man-without-killing-the-attraction?utm_source=getresponse&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=wome