Channel Your Feminine Power Into The Next Step

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I’m jumping off into some next steps after your wonderful Riffing and turning things around.

I totally don’t want to move too fast here. You have to really get into the steps we’ve done – they have to become automatic in order for you to take this next step – so make sure you can riff and morph and end up with empowering, happy, good feelings every time you dive into the yuck – promise me you won’t jump and leap ahead, okay?

I’m going to jump from Bethany’s comment: https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/power-self-esteem/love-the-sensations-in-your-body/#comment-276

“I love my murky water, it’s not pretty but it’s warm and proves just how powerfully I can think and feel. If I could use that and channel it where I wanted to I could do just about damned near anything!”

What we’re going to do here is borrow Bethany’s word CHANNEL.

First – I’ll talk directly to Bethany:

Bethany, this was totally amazing. You went from hopeless and helpless to empowered in two paragraphs. Here are the next steps (I’ll sit down and write a full post about it in the Power & Self-Esteem category, too as soon as I can, and I’ll keep posting our earlier email dialogues in “Bethany’s Story category):

Okay – now I’m speaking to everyone working through these Power & Self Esteem steps:

Here’s what you do – FIRST, I want you to MAKE SURE you’ve got this morphing, riffing thing down, so that you can turn your THOUGHTS around, like this, without stuffing down your feelings, whenever you want. You keep diving into the feelings, no matter how murky and yucky they are, and walk yourself through to the GOOD feelings – and you see how that can be done no matter what! When this becomes automatic, you’ll start to see everything change.

NOW – your next step, jumping off of what showed up for YOU (and let me know if any of you relate to this, because it’s a logical next step) is this “Channeling” thing Bethany’s named, so let’s just call the step CHANNELING.

You’re going to be channeling energy, power, and FUN:

1. I want you to write down (carry your journal with you, so you can write down any idea that strikes you wherever you are) all the things in the world that matter to you – that have NOTHING to do with a man.

It can be World Peace, it can be growing your business, it can be moving, it can be finishing a project – and relate any “smaller” ideas you get to a BIGGER end goal – a bigger DREAM that makes you feel happy.2. Write all this down, and then make a list of anything you could do to help CHANNEL your energy, the power of your thoughts and feelings, into accomplishing any one of those things.

Yes – I’m talking here about Masculine Energy. This is total “BOY.” I want you to look out the window and write down things that are FUN.

Things that FEEL like fun.

I don’t want to hear a “have-to” in the bunch.

This is FUN CHANNELING.

We’re simply funneling the energy you’re using now to think of your man, to obsess about him, to figure things out , to Problem-Solve (as the whole Power & Self-Esteem posts start morphing and riffing with) – we’re funneling and channeling that energy into the happy, fun, ACTION, goal-oriented things on your list.

You are going to purposefully schedule ways to keep that energy moving “out the window.”

Make an actual list (and please post your lists so I can jump off even more…).

3. As you practice doing this, you’ll notice a lot of resistance from inside you. You’ll notice the desire to turn from this action work into thinking about your man and wanting to create action around HIM.

Really catch that.

This is where you continue going into the feelings, riffing on them, turning the worries into Wants – step-by-step, until you get to a feeling of POWER again.

4. Then immediately go to your action list and TAKE AN ACTION.

DO SOMETHING from your list.

I really want you to associate your first feeling of power with action. I want you to DO something from the list you have, whether it’s moving furniture, straightening your desk, walking outside, writing a letter to someone, redoing your resume, writing a business plan, starting the outline for your next book…whatever.

It can’t be random with this step. It has to be something you thought up and wrote down. If you read over your long list enough, you’ll remember a lot of steps, and so you can spontaneously do something from the list – but at some point I want you to CROSS IT OFF THE LIST.

That’s right. I want you to associate the good, powerful feeling, with a goal, with an action step, and with accomplishing it. And this has absolutely NOTHING to do with HIM! (In next steps, we’ll get to being powerful with him – and this step is FIRST. You’re going to need to trust your boundaries more and more, and so we need to build them up from the INSIDE.)

Let me know how this one works for you. Remember – no jumping and leaping ahead – I want to hear it from Step1 through to this one.

Love, Rori

 

 

 
 

 

32 Comments

  1.  #1alias girl on October 15, 2008 at 8:16 pm

    I HAVE A DATE! with a normal nice guy. (unemployed guy who i met the other night. but he’s only unemployed bc he just moved here. he’s not of on those unemployABLE types.) he asked me to go play putt putt. hah. a real date with a guy who wants to actually do an activity with me rather than just use me for sex. this is the first guy i’ve said yes to since practicing all these tools. (i was so nervous on the phone i fortgot to use feeling msgs) anyway this is progress. i don’t feel like he’s THE ONE but so what. i am dating and practicing and he’s a quality guy. yae! i am going to post later a comment about CHANNELING. all very exciting!



  2.  #2alias girl on October 15, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    this stuff can become A Way of Life. i can rewire my old ways and all this stuff can become second nature if i just keep PRACTICING. very exciting stuff here. i encourage anyone who is just reading here to actually Try and experience the tools for themselves. that’s where the magic happens. so as far as this channeling stuff i totally get it. say my #1 list abbreviated is -get creative project off the ground, buy a home, build wealth/become fiancially free, learn to snowboard, plan a vacation for next year, build a shelter/rehad center to help homeless people. then my step #2 could be stuff like contact career coach, call printer, order marketing materials, update website etc, research houses, go to open houses, find a broker and agent, research neighborhoods etc, put deposit down on snowboarding trip, call and book lesson, research vacation spots and costs, visit homeless shelter downtown and perhaps even volunteer. of course this list is broad strokes there are tiny tiny baby steps i can take for each huge goal. or even on my list is to get hallowween costume together. this is great. to have a handy to-do list that is completely in line with my goals/dreams for my life. BECAUSE i realize now that i am finally in my body and feelig all my feelings that some of those feelings are INTENSE. and i also realize by experiencing it that my feelings of rage morph into lightness and well being (pretty mcuh on their own if i just follow them down the rabbit hole and follow all the way through with them) However then, like bethany, i am left with a very energized body that is no longer weighed down by stuffed feelings/depression so how handy to just have a list to refer to to zap it at something i want in my life anyway. zap zap! and then i can lean back again and float along the river of life’s energy. So Much Easier this way. so much better than my old tight ways. but still phew, some of those feelings that come up phew i feel like i just need to hold on til the storm passes bc they are intense. shame rage feelings of terror and being out of control . yowza. but then after the procees. zap! hahah! thank you rori! 🙂



  3.  #3Daria on October 16, 2008 at 2:09 am

    ok right now I am still working on the previous steps… i kinda went donw and felt like I was losing myself… but already i am starting to feel better… i love the feeling of tightness in my teeth… my teeth are so cool they usually hold most of my tension… they have different ways of holding them… i bet teeth play a really important energy role for me… thank you teeth i love you… i feel better because even if stuff sux with this guy i feel like what if it gets better… he is totally outgirling me and now i have figured out that it’s probably because he has another girl in his life… which is good because he i do not want to be that girl and now i can relax and outgirl him like i originally planned… than kyou experiment for showing me the truth… thank you me for feeling so strong through all this… i love especially how i didn’t really feel like seeing him anymore tonite and wound up not going at all… haha… i can definitely out girl him i feel confident… and what if our relationship gets even better than before… what if i get all the stuff i want from him and more… what if i feel good about us and this is just a test period… i feel better… i feeel good taht i am home right now… i feel good that i have this blog and these tools… i love the tight feeling in my upper teeth… it feels so warm like a strong light… i can let my light shine out… ooh that feels so cool and wonderful… i kind of feel like smiling… i don’t feel 100% strong but I feel comfortably strong… i want to have really nice skin and one step to do that is brush my skin but that doesn’t feel too fun right now… so it’s ok im not sure if i should do it since it’s a step to what i want or i should only take steps i want… pretty sure i should do it… i feel tight in my tummy… it feels so good to be tight in my tummy… my body must feel tired from lots of sleep… i want my body to feel good… so now i feel like smiling a little… and i will go to bed as my action step
    =)



  4.  #4Reshi on October 16, 2008 at 8:47 am

    OK, I’ll try again to post my list here:

    Exercise, walking, stretching, yoga, cooking a healthy meal, self-pleasuring, shopping for prettier clothes and jewelry, dancing, reading books about subjects that interest me, designing and making clothes, cleaning and beautifying my house, making curtains, shopping for artwork, planning a better garden for next year, painting and wallpapering, calling friends and family, organizing social events, inviting people over



  5.  #5Reshi on October 16, 2008 at 8:47 am

    yaaay it worked 😀



  6.  #6alias girl on October 16, 2008 at 11:24 am

    hi daria not sure what skin issue is but if acne proactiv worked for me. sometimes i even get comments now that i have nice skin. just don’t overdo the product. only as directed. good luck with your man situation. it sounds like you are getting some clarity.



  7.  #7Daria on October 16, 2008 at 2:49 pm

    thank you alias girl…actually its not that kind of a skin issue happily… its this thing to do to remove cellulite soften your skin and allow it to “breathe” better… and basically its about brushign your body 2wice a day with a wooden brush with vegetable fibers… or a loofah… it feels really really good

    i used proactive too before and it does work on acne but youre right it’s very strong because overusing it dried out my skin…

    I AM getting some clarity on this guy… I felt confused because of the driving to him thing… I did just have another cute guy come pick me up (the one who was originally “turned off” by my not wanting to drive – well he wasn’t turned off anymore) LOL – his relationship potential isn’t high but i want to date for fun… plus it shows that even sexy men are definitely willing to drive to me… in fact he wants to come back Today lol

    ookay… so heres a potential channeling list for me…

    Study for GMAT (yes i enjoy this Nerd me), read fun fantasy books, write fantasy novel, design and make clothes like Reshi, make curtains also, make herbal infusions, henna color my hair,work out, find flamenco classes close to home, learn how to do job placement for ppl, learn to sing, cleaning and organizing my room and furniture, practice EmoTrance energy therapy, learn to be a hypnotist, continue setting up my own tutoring company (this feels scary now as I am in the midst of it), find new methods to teach writing, brush up on advanced calculus, check out GRE as well as GMAT, practice investing in commodities, cook, pedicure my feet, polish my fingernails, paint job for my car, clean my car, start practicing aromatherapy, practice deer exercise and kegels, plant my own herb and vegetable garden, find screens for backyard so i can sunbathe, get inflatable boat for going on the lake, go to personal training at the gym, choreograph bellydancing, start rereading old textbooks from college, get more professional photographs taken, work as a model, make bakground instrumentals for songs, paint, go to drawing/painting classes, go to instant piano class, make sculptures, write and perform songs, search and budget for fresh food from local farms, plan trip to Brazil, make online blog, set up online energy therapy business, learn Arabic and Mandarin, take trips to pretty local places

    ok… some of these feel scary but I would love to do or have done them anyway… a lot i have never done before…

    Thank you for letting me share… making the list feels much more real knowing you guys are seeing this



  8.  #8Rori Raye on October 16, 2008 at 8:08 pm

    Daria, Fantastic, fascinating, very unique and individual list! Now every time you feel “negative” or in “problem mode,” go through the steps, and then go right for something on this list – you may have to take the time to drill it down to tiny, doable action steps – so you can do them easily and quickly and feel good about it – “call a photographer, get a sketchbook.”..step-by-step. Love, Rori



  9.  #9ann on October 17, 2008 at 8:01 pm

    read more books, try different geners, get a sketchbook for drawing, take more photos, find a job I’ll enjoy, get a drivers licence, declutter house, make some new friends, be more social, look in mirror & tell myself I really like myself daily, listen to more music, continue to accept and love myself

    most of these are simple but doable. I’m really trying to learn to be more feminine. Thanks Rori, ladies for sharing



  10.  #10Rori Raye on October 17, 2008 at 11:15 pm

    Yes! – Ann – start from the first step, okay – you may have to go backwards in this category to find the first one – go by the date of the posts. Rori



  11.  #11Bethany on October 18, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    1. Data file for city I want to move to
    2. Contact people about jobs in this city
    3. Facebook-contacts
    4. Myspace–contacts
    5. Ineed.com
    6. Idealist.org
    7. Google
    8. Research tutoring businesses (got this idea from someone’s post–don’t remember whose but I’m grateful!)
    9. Research website development
    10. lulu.com
    11. cafe-express.com
    12. Call place on campus that teaches internet stuff
    13. Apartments in city I want to go to
    14. Wish board
    15. Exercise
    16. Go for a walk
    17. Straighten my room
    18. Find good poetry
    19. Do nails
    20. Sweep
    21. Take hot shower
    22. Pack for upcoming trips
    23. Magazines
    24. Go to a movie
    25. Pick up a novel
    26. Find good recipes online
    27. Online window shop for colorful, beautiful, affordable clothes, shoes and jewelry
    28. Look at different dating sites
    29. Get digital camera
    30. Go to coffee shop to read
    31. Thesis stuff in order for graduation
    32. You Tube
    33. Clean car
    34. Get brakes fixed
    35. Draft prospecting letters
    36. Identify publishers where I want to work
    37. Law school–holding mock court?
    38. B.School-any events going on?
    39. Find old men to mentor me, and beautiful women!
    40. Work on my fiction
    41. Draw
    42. Call my friends
    43. E-mail friends I can’t call
    44. Look at cheap, affordable new cars to maybe get.
    45. Listen to Rori’s programs on my iPod



  12.  #12Rori Raye on October 19, 2008 at 11:15 am

    Yeayy, Bethany – your list is fantastic! You have a plan now, just keep practicing doing it, from step 1 through channeling, over and over and over and over again, all day long. Reformatting our brains. Love, Rori



  13.  #13green piscean on October 19, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    hey,

    Rori just recommended I came and check this place out, so here I am. Liking all your comments so far, so thought I would say hi. I just freaked out that you all had so many thing son your list, but then I realised that actually, my list is just a bit smaller just now because I have already put it into practice – and it’s working. Now that I think about it, it’s also because I haven’t added to it as I am still working through it. Here it is for now anyway

    Start my business properly – done!
    get an office – done
    employ assistant – done
    figure out how to employ assistant – need to do very quickly!!!
    get website built
    form second arm of company
    put together three new proposals
    lose weight – is actually happening due to the above as I am so much busier, it’s easier to lose weight, but I still have a long way to go
    book a cruise – done! (first holiday in 7 years….!!)
    buy new sofa – done (arriving on Thursday!)
    keep in touch with best friends – done, but going to do again as it was a great night and I didn’t think about the man around me all night. Normally I would have been hoping to see him, but I made this arrangement and stuck to it and he tried to call me a few times, but I was busy. Gave in and saw him the next day, but it’s a start.
    tidy flat
    get mezzanine bed lowered
    arrange scaffolding to fix the roof
    get phone line installed with internet
    arrange new email addresses and keep my blog up to date
    buy Rori’s book!!
    order all the books in my wish list on Amazon
    sort out Christmas gift for girl I sponsor in South America

    That’s not as daunting as I would have first thought – phew! Definitely enough to keep me busy though while I concentrate on me for a while, rather than him.
    To those of you scared of pursuing career goals – I know it’s scary, but so worth it when it works and even if you want to concentrate on a toxic man, you just won’t have the time, so just do it. been a great decision for me. My business is music, and I have found a renewed passion so my hobby has come alive again through my work.
    To give you a bit of background, I am here to find support in sorting out my relationship, which isn’t really much a of a relationship. I scared the guy off by being far too needy, but in recent months have managed to pull way back and just be more myself, and it is working wonders. I am now trying to make sure I stay on track and don’t revert back to the clingy me, as I can see how much it damages his opinion of me. Right now, he seems to like spending time with me a lot and I want to progress this in the same positive way. It’s quite exciting now I know that he actually likes me and wants to spend time with me. I’m now figuring out if we should have a relationship but it seems more like a joint decision now, rather than me just stalking him. Not proud of that, but I have to admit it was getting like that…..

    anyway, nice to read all your comments and find some support.



  14.  #14Rori Raye on October 21, 2008 at 12:21 am

    Welcome Green Piscean Thank you for your wonderful list and story – now work your way back in the Power & Self Esteem category until you find the first post in the series – do all the Tools, make all the lists – I’ll find your comments and reply to you as you go along – follow along with what all these fabulous women are doing here, they’ll help you, too.

    Follow the posts by date, and I look forward to your comments. Love, Rori



  15.  #15alias girl on October 21, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    welcome Green Piscean. I definitely recommend what rori said and working your way back to the first post in the Power & Self Esteem Posts. (I think there is a blog directory on the right hand side to find the category for self esteem. Those tools will really shift you FAST!



  16.  #16Cassandra on October 27, 2008 at 9:10 am

    Rori,
    I have beenreadsing some of these awesome lists that people have been putting together and reading how they are going through all of these different steps. How/where can I learn about the steps that these awesome ladies are working through and about the lists that they have created. Are the lists one of the steps that you teach people to work on? I would so love to be a part of all of this but am not sure where to begin. Which post can I learn about what I need to do to get to where these wonderful sisters are in their processes? I am excited about this and I guess you could even use the word ‘desperate’ to learn all of the tools that you are teaching. I do have your ebook already which is fantastic. Please let me know what I need to do or which post will guide me through all of this. Thank you so much!!
    With love and a huge hug!



  17.  #17Rori Raye on October 27, 2008 at 11:25 am

    Cassandra, thank you so much for asking. All the steps are in the Power & Self Esteem category – and you can also find them in “Top Posts” on the sidebar. Here’s the first one-> Then use the dates of the posts to guide you through. I so look forward to your lists! Love, Rori



  18.  #18Melissa on November 3, 2008 at 11:49 am

    All the things in the world that matter to me and “fun” things

    1. My kids
    2. Me – learn to love me.
    3. A house someday
    4. Finish my bachelor’s degree and then my MBA
    5. New career
    6. Open a cafe
    7. Write a novel
    8. Do more Zumba classes!
    9. Practice Reiki again
    10. Be financially stable
    11. Do a marathon for a good cause i.e. Walk for Hunger
    12. Lose 80 pounds
    13. Sky dive
    14. Ice skate
    15. Learn to ski
    16. Snow mobiling
    17. visit Hawaii



  19.  #19Cassandra on November 3, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    Rori,
    Here is my list of things that are important to me (sorry it took me so long to get to the channeling posts) 🙂 –

    – continue working on/ through Rori’s steps
    – continue to work on ME
    – continue to journal everything
    – buy Rori’s CD programs
    – continue to work on her ebook workbook
    – work on my business
    – Get back into teaching Salsa
    – take Tango lessons
    – Get back into singing and into the studio
    – get back to recording
    – record the songs that I have written
    – get my voice back in shape
    – get back into leading Praise and Worship
    – get ME back in shape
    – start to add weights to my workouts
    – strat to go to the gym twice a day
    – plan Thanksgiving dinner
    – get necessary table stuff for a pretty Thanksgiving table
    – Start to make Christmas gifts/ ornaments
    – keep in better contact with family and friends
    – work on plan to move as soon as I get a job
    – continue to look for a job
    – continue looking into other career options
    – continue to look into possibly going back to school
    – clean the house
    – change out our summer clothing for the winter clothes
    – switch all of the metal clothes hangers to plastic
    – try to get involved with a social group here so that I can meet my own group of friends
    – work on losing weight
    – focus on changing my diet and get back to how I used to eat before I moved here
    – help a friend get her 501C3
    – get new ideas for changes to the house (Rori – is this ok even though I am planning to move?)
    – put aside a little money every week for things that I want
    – pay off bills
    – start Christmas shopping
    – get involved with things to meet new people here so that I have MY OWN thing
    – learn to sew
    – make/ design clothing (like Daria and Reshi! 🙂 )
    – help Mom with her business
    – go to visit my Grandfather – SOON
    – go to visit my friends
    – make Christmas gifts
    – go shopping for me
    – wash my vehicle



  20.  #20Cassandra on November 5, 2008 at 7:45 am

    Rori,
    I have a question for you about this step. I did not understand how my channeling list will get me to trust and understand my boundaries and build them up from the inside. Can you help?

    Thanks! Love,
    Cassandra



  21.  #21Cassandra on November 6, 2008 at 10:06 am

    I am feeling as though i am going backwards in all of this right now…I don’t like feeling like this…I guess it is good though in that it is important to me to make these changes for ME and if I did not love myself..truly love myself then I wouldn’t even care….but I do…. so YAY! for me in that I do care about me and getting to where I want to be in me….for ME….maybe I am not going backwards afterall?…..even if I am I am still trying to work these steps and get them to be a part of me….again, if I did not love myself then I would not care about this at all……I do care and that means that I do love myself….physically I feel totally disconnected to my body….like I am outside myself….I feel numb…totally numb…..I have been so emotionally exhausted these last few days that I have barely been able to think…..I can’t concentrate on anything…..I am not sure what to expect…..things were Soooooooo bad with Charles up until this last weekend and then we ended up having a wonderful weekend and this week has been pretty great too but I am scared that it will end and go back to how it was on the bad side where he is distant, mean and thinking only of himself….i don’t want to care anymore….I want things to stay this way…I don’t want them to change….I feel as though I am sinking into water and can’t get back up to the top to breathe but it is not frantic…it is slowly sinking….is this a good thing? Well I guess at least I can feel something but I want to feel happy that things have been going so well this week….I don’t know where I fit in anymore or even if I fit in…..I want to fit in…i want things to be right and stay that way…I want Charles to stay loving me, being caring, attentive and affectionate…I am afraid that this weekend something will happen to shatter the good things bubble….I don’t want to that to happen….I want to be back in that place of feeling safe being me….of being a pond and allowing myself to recieve…I don’t want to drive! My shoulders are tense and up to my ears again and my back muscles are all tense as though Ia m hunched over like an old lady…..I feel so uncomfortable being selfish…..I don’t want to be selfish and all about me….I am afraid that Charles will think that I am being selfish and self absorbed……I am scared to allow myself to feel like things are ok with Charles..that they re back on track….i am afriad to trust that- in case they go back the other way……what if I can’t stay being a pond…i want to be that pond and stay being that pond….how do I do that…I don’t even know what to do from here……I did the channeling list but I don’t get how that connects to my boudaries…do I even have boundaries? …..on election night Charles was so loving to the degree that as we watched all of the coverage we were snuggled up on the spare bed and HE..not me….but HE made sure that we were touching each other in some way shape or form…..whether it be arm in arm or his leg draped over mine or his arm around my waist….that felt so good and that is how I want it to stay….I feel scared that it will go back to being the bad way……at least though we have had a good weekend and week…we have not had that in a while…that is a step in the right direction…he even stated that night that we ARE TOGETHER……that made me feel wonderful but I am scared to believe it……I don’t know what to think…do I stay? do I go? what do I do? I am feeling totally clueless right now…..I have no idea where to go from here……..



  22.  #22Melissa on November 6, 2008 at 11:04 am

    Oh man Cassandra! I feel exactly the same way you do! How do we keep strong? I am diligently trying steps from the reconnect your relationship program and modern siren… I see little tiny changes but they last for ONE DAY and then I start to see the same decline in my man. Is it me or is it the man? Is it both? I’m sure maybe even HE can sense me becoming apprehensive. I find it hard to relax and enjoy when I feel as though tomorrow its only going back to the same thing – he’s just going to sit on the couch all night, while i’m on the OTHER couch and there is no connection… its SO HARD to stay upbeat and just plain OKAY with things when you see this happening. It seems soooo sooo hard to just keep it going and I know that its not supposed to. This is all so frustrating 🙁



  23.  #23Cassandra on November 6, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    I think that you have to give yourself a little credit here though Melissa! At least YOU are trying to stick to Rori’s steps and better yourself as a person overall and that in itself should be celebrated! 🙂 I don’t have any of Rori’s programs yet other than her book but I can’t wait to get them all – I have to find a job first though.

    I know exactly what triggered my feelings from my post above and the funny thing is that once I finished my workout at the gym – I was on my way home – I had to laugh…literally because all of a sudden I realized that I had not thought of all of that since I had written that post! For me that is a huge deal. I am not sure what to say about the whole cycle of being on the right track and then falling into being scared again but I think that if we just keep focusing on ourselves and what we need to do to be ok within ourselves, I am hoping that it will become natural for us to be comfortable being us no matter what our men are doing, thinking or feeling. Did that make any sense? LOL I think that if we keep working Rori’s steps and bettering ourselves and then our men revert back to their own bad behavior then the problem is not us…..Rori…..your thoughts on this? Am I on the right track here?

    I think that we should just keep going in the direction that we are headed with Rori’s tools and continue to focus on us. I know it is hard because I want so badly for things to work out with Charles but I also have to remind myself that he has done alot and I mean ALOT of things that are not ok in any way shape or form and that once I feel strong, safe and free being ME..for ME that I am the one that should be deciding…’hey…do I even want to stay with him anymore? or do I want to move on to someone that will cherish me simply for being me?”…….WHOA……did I just say that?!! That is a miracle in itself! LOL I guess that right there shows progress huh? 🙂

    Love and hugs….
    Cassandra



  24.  #24Melissa on November 6, 2008 at 12:38 pm

    Yes you make a lot of sense! Very inspiring words Cassandra! I think being able to vent here with others that feel our pain is a huge help in healing ourselves as well! I’m curious to hear what Rori’s thoughts are as well…



  25.  #25Cassandra on November 6, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    Rori….can you help us out on this?

    Melissa….I wish you well in your situation! 🙂 I am trying to force myself to write down what I am feeling whenever I can feel that I am headed for the ‘soup’ as Reshi calls it so that I can try to figure out what triggered the feelings and follow them all the way through until I am back at a place of lightness. Ia m finding that when I don’t pay attenttion to the dark feelings that they seem to get bigger and scarier until I pay attention to them…follow them to wherever it is that they want to take me and it does seem to me that each and every time I end up in that place of light, love, and appreciation for myself and who I really am. YOWZA!! I did not realize how HUGE that is until I just wrote it down! How cool is that?! I don’t yet have children but it is almost as though the dark feelings are so starved for your attention – sort of like a little child gets when he or she wants so badly to show you or tell you something – that the feelings will get stronger and more dark until I pay them some attention and give them the love that they need and then once they are satisfied so to speak they lead me back into a place of peace, safety or whatever other light feeling I end up in…..I think that I have really hit on something here and you are sooooooo right that having this place to vent, throw things off of one another, learn to truly love ourselves and support each other in getting there is absolutely invaluable! I am soooooo excited about what I just discovered about what happens when I follow those dark, scary emotions all the way through….this is soooooo cool! 🙂



  26.  #26Ann on November 6, 2008 at 7:06 pm

    Do you ladies receive Rori’s email newletter? It has tools in it also.

    What I interpret from all Rori’s emails, tools, this blog is this:

    That she’s providing me with ways to love and accept myself. The good, bad, ugly, indifferent and all other parts in between. When I use the tools to focus on ME, feel what I need to feel without beating myself up, not worrying about what my man or anyone else is thinking or doing, I become a stronger, confident, even more attractive woman. And this just naturally draws my man and others to want to connect with me.

    And I’m so grateful to have this blog to come to any time I get a chance. Because here I can share and receive from other strong, confident, attractive woman who are focusing on theirselve and sharing what they’ve learn.

    Thanks everyone



  27.  #27Rori Raye on November 6, 2008 at 11:44 pm

    To all you lovely women – so many things to answer –
    Cassandra – the Channeling step is so that when you walk yourself through the dark feelings, the moment you start to feel better – you Instantly go into action from your list. Just pick something and do it. This way you get something done in a “boy” way for your “girl” self – and you’ll feel better and less stuck. Everything will build from there if you keep doing it over and over and over.

    Melissa – about your man and the separate couches –
    What has to happen here is for you to write some speeches so you can speak to him.

    As you relax into your feelings, you’ll be able to put them into words.

    You must start a conversation of intimacy – you must brainstorm together to get closer – you must ask him what he thinks – AND you must start acting like a goddess instead of sitting like a doormat with your dissatisfaction.

    You must experiment. With touching him, smiling at him, putting your leg over his lap, crying, putting your head on his shoulder and falling asleep, putting on music and dancing right in front of him, take off your clothes and inviting him to dance with you, or saying I feel so lonely, and if he doesn’t respond, then leaving.

    A friend of mine, Todd Creager, has written a book called “The Long Hot Marriage” – at his site http://www.ToddCreager.com you can download a chapter for free, plus a list of steps you can take…see if it gives you any ideas – and then, just say to your man – “a friend of mine. Rori, told me about this, and I downloaded it, and I really like it – would you read it?” If he asks what it’s about, say – “It’s about having an incredible, sexy relationship – I’d love to feel close to you again…” and then just hand it over.

    You might also go to http://www.tinque.blogspot.com – She’s really gone from stuffing everything down to being able to say ANYTHING to her man – and they’ve gone from hiding nearly everything from each other to a completely open, loving relationship…she might make you feel hopeful.

    Just keep doing the work, and keep looking for and entering the better feelings by accepting the feelings you HAVE.

    Love, Rori



  28.  #28Tina on October 31, 2009 at 7:14 pm

    Rori,
    I am maintaining a journal now. I write everything I feel in it. Literally everything. I suddenly realised a pattern in it.

    The pattern:

    For eg. My friend offered me almonds today. I remembered almonds are assoicated as good moments with the person who broke up with me.

    Then I remember those good times and call him. I become weak. I cry…..I get depressed.

    This is a pattern I absorbed.

    Rori can you please tell me a tool for this. How do I stop this?

    Thanks,
    Tina



  29.  #29Rori Raye on October 31, 2009 at 9:43 pm

    Wow – Tina, major, major discovery! Please give yourself a hug! Can you imagine how great this is, and how great it will be when you discover more and more of these patterns – and BREAK THEM?! You are not “weak.” You’re just FEELING – and that’s GOOD!! You are crying out old toxins and going through the feeling. Now – the “depression” is something different. And this is not happening because of your memory of the good times triggered by the almonds – it’s because you CALLED HIM. The Tool is: STOP CALLING. Just sit with your feelings and cry and moan and write…and walk yourself “Through the Tunnel” – this Tool is crucial to know how to do, and it’s in Reconnect Your Relationship…we’ll help you with it. Just keep making these discoveries and stop doing the old actions. Love, Rori



  30.  #30Tina on October 31, 2009 at 10:32 pm

    Thank you so much for the advice Rori. I will not call him and write more….

    Love,
    Tina



  31.  #31Tina on November 1, 2009 at 6:58 pm

    Wavering self-esteem

    Rori,
    I didnt know journaling would be such an eye opener for me. Thank you so much for advising me to get into it through your programs/articles etc.

    1. I feel very strong/rooted when I watch songs or movies that portray women who are stronger, who turn things around or the way they carry themselves(like sirens).

    2. I also feel the same way when I listen to your programs.

    3. But, when I see men or women who are stronger, prettier, doing well, providing great value or his female friends who are talented (models, artists), I dont particularly feel jealous but I feel very low and carry a low self-esteem because I feel I am not smart or successful like them.

    4. How should I feel powerful no matter what? Especially when I see others so powerful and I am not.

    Thanks,
    Tina



  32.  #32Tina on November 2, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    I am going back to my home country…….

    I have like 10 days left before I leave. I was stuck between making plans with my friends or sitting around and waiting (HOPING) for him to invite me to him.

    He clearly said that it would be good for us not to meet. Because, if we meet then it would be painful.

    I wrote about how I was feeling about everything.

    I realised that HOPING was a big pattern I was seeing….

    HOPING that things will get better.
    HOPING that he will change.
    HOPING that he will commit.
    HOPING that he wil be with me forever.
    If I think of moving on and meeting new people, I fall back to HOPING that we would get back…..

    2 n half years Ive been HOPING…….that was a huge pattern.

    I now know that truth, he would do whatever it takes if he really wants it……..I NEED NOT SIT AND HOPE.

    I made plans to meet my friends before I leave.

    –Tina