Circular Dating To Keep From Getting Hung Up On One Man

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circular datingHere’s a letter from Jessica – and it’s pretty much a “guest post”:

Hi Rori, my name’s Jessica, and I’ve been reading your newsletter for a couple of weeks now.

I’ve really really enjoyed what you have to say – it has helped me so much with my confidence and feelings of self-worth just in the little while since I joined your mailing list.

I wanted to tell you about my experience recently with circular dating…

I recently met up again with an old, old guy friend who I haven’t seen since we were kids. We met on a 3-day-long training activity, where we were in the same group for the duration of the weekend.

It took just a little while at the beginning for us to figure out who each other were, but then we just really hit it off.

I had a blast getting to know him again over those three days – and was quite appreciative of the good looking man he’s grown into.

We just kind of hung out and flirted the whole weekend, and then I saw him the next weekend at the formal dinner & dance following our training. I mentioned to him that I wanted to hang out more and that he should call me some time – and was a little taken aback at the lukewarm response I got, given how much fun we’d been having up til then.

The problem was, I could *feel* myself starting to get hung up on him.

I had actually just recently before this gotten out of a sort of non-relationship… a guy I had been extremely hung up on and pursuing for months, but at the end a mutual friend finally pulled me aside and informed me that he was now exclusively dating someone else.

I felt like a complete idiot, but after some time I was able to get over it, and actually was feeling more flirty and outgoing than ever before, really ready to get back into dating when I met my old friend.

But so, when I read about your circular dating method and about not getting hung up on any one guy, just after getting the lukewarm response from my friend about hanging out more, I was able to take a step back, take a deep breath, and remember how confident and fun I’d felt just prior to meeting him, when I wasn’t looking for anyone in particular and wasn’t interested in focusing on any one guy…

That was about a week ago, and just in that time I’ve already seen a huge difference in how I relate to the men around me, and how they relate to me.

Just in the last couple of days, I’ve had several other guy friends notice me, flirt with me, or seek me out to spend time with me in ways they’ve never done before – and just yesterday, I saw my old friend do a complete 180.

*He* was contacting *me* and wanting to hang out, instead of the other way around.

It was kind of funny – I actually missed when he tried to contact me, and he just left me a message – but I didn’t feel worried about the fact that I’d missed him.

I do still want to hang out with him and would love to get to know him more and see if this goes anywhere beyond friendship now that we’re adults, but I was able to stop myself from getting hung up on him, and have seen such a huge improvement in my relationships with all the guys I hang around, that I wanted to share this with you.

So it’s not a success story about someone finally finding Mr. Right or saving their ailing marriage, but it is a big success for me – and a testament, I guess, to any other single ladies out there who don’t know why they can’t seem to get away from being single and dateless… circular dating and remembering that *you* have to come first, not him, is really the key.

Thank you so much for sharing your tools and discoveries with all of us! I look forward to reading your next letter!
-Jessica

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706 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Another argument for CDating



  2.  #2English Woman on August 18, 2011 at 7:04 am

    ALMOST first at the tippermost of the toppermost. 🙂



  3.  #3English Woman on August 18, 2011 at 7:07 am

    Oops got that quote a wee bit wrong.

    Paul McCartney: Where are we going, Johnny?

    John Lennon: Straight to the top, boys!

    Paul McCartney: Oh yeah? Where’s that?

    John Lennon: The toppermost of the poppermost!

    How’s that for the Law Of Attraction and positive thinking!!



  4.  #4DE on August 18, 2011 at 7:14 am

    Subscribing…:)



  5.  #5Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:16 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/attachment-to-a-man-relationship-anxiety-hormones-and-sex-too-soon/#respond
    So – here’s the deal – when you meet the man who wants to marry you – it doesn’t matter what you do around sex.
    And when you meet all other men who will never marry you – it doesn’t matter what you do around sex, because that relationship will never work, and so you’re very, very likely to become attached and hormonal and go downhill emotionally.
    So – wouldn’t it be nice if we could just identify our future husband – and then we wouldn’t have to worry about it at all? We could do what we like and it would all work out!
    And so – here’s the key question: Can we identify our future husband? Can we know if a man intends to marry us? Or are we just always guessing or going on our most often faulty instincts and “intuition”?
    Trying to figure it out beforehand is never really possible – though you may feel strongly about what’s going to happen.
    What we have to do is trust ourselves that whatever happens we’ll be okay. Not only okay, but happy with the experiences we chose to have and the way we feel about them. Life includes some risk – or our desire for safety will run us until we live in a small little box.
    Be prepared to make mistakes (if there even IS such a thing). It’s part of the ride of life…
    Love, Rori



  6.  #6Camille on August 18, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Good Morning Sirenessess (lol is that a word?)

    Its been a few days since I posted…but heres the scoop. T has moved out as of yesterday……Circular Dating here I come! And Im graciously asking for some Siren support Im gonna need it to stay in my “Power” with him and stop old patterns.

    New Journey ahead……….Go Camille!



  7.  #7Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:22 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/dating/relationship-advice-from-a-man-how-to-be-feminine-with-a-man-and-qualify-him/

    Here’s the basic courtship strategy for the woman who wants to attract a man who primarily operates in his masculine energy. Put yourself out there and flirt. Present your feminine side first in all social situations. Be girly. Men will approach. Your job is to screen them to see how grounded they are in their masculinity and ability to commit, among other traits. Test their leading abilities and if they fail, discard them. You are never obligated to proceed farther with any man you don’t want to. And you can test them forever if you want to. Keep your boundaries and values INTACT. These are the things you should not compromise. But don’t be uncompromising toward the man in front of you. He’s a human being too. Appreciate him for who he is even if he’s not the one for you.



  8.  #8Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:29 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/vulnerability/page/2/
    Intimacy is scary. The dynamics of a family are somehow orchestrated to keep a balance, a status quo. The idea is- underneath, subconsciously, where we can’t even get at our motives – to keep things the same.
    We do as much to KEEP from Rocking the Boat of ourselves as we do to stay connected within the family.
    Everyone triggers everyone else, and no one likes to be triggered. So we try to avoid doing anything different from what we feel comfortable with.
    But that’s a path of STUCK.
    It’s not even a path.
    It’s some kind of going in circles designed to make sure you always end everything that happens at the beginning.



  9.  #9Camille on August 18, 2011 at 7:37 am

    FW ……..that so relates to me……I have been STUCK!
    but……..stuck no more.

    Im in a position now to take back all of my power and never get stuck again…..I want to be the real authentic me so much and here she comes!



  10.  #10Daria on August 18, 2011 at 7:50 am

    i love my new thing of being able to appreciate men!

    i find myself appreciating stuff that is totally not even *my* thing, just because… it can be appreciated

    like his muscles, or that he got a promotion, or other things that i usually would judge on

    but instead i can rejoice and appreciate and support! yay!

    and it feels good!!

    AND… it EXPANDS me and my interests… and and now all of a sudden i can allow MYSELF to be interested in other things wow wow wow

    i am so rockin rockeresss!!!



  11.  #11Emoticon on August 18, 2011 at 7:58 am

    omg i left a long post about my experience with circular dating on the other post. I really dont feel like typing it all out again, but i really feel like giving my story so im gonna find it and copy and paste 🙂 lol



  12.  #12Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 8:13 am

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/
    Now – here’s a wrinkle. We’re friends with people because we feel attracted to them. This includes the “geeky” guy we know who’s funny and makes us laugh. This includes our girlfriends. Anyone we feel good around, anyone we want to talk to, be with, stand near – we feel attracted to. And I don’t just mean “platonically.”
    I know this is hard to embrace. But the truth is – there is an erotic component to this attraction. The next time you find yourself talking with someone you couldn’t IMAGINE feeling erotically attracted to – a homeless person, a person you might label as “ugly” – or the wrong gender – if you can embrace the truth that you are erotically attracted to that person as well as attracted on intellectual and emotional levels – you will get this so much faster.
    In other words – if you like being around a person – there is a part of you that feels erotically attracted to them. It doesn’t mean you find this person appropriate for a relationship, and it doesn’t mean you feel romantically attracted to them. It just means you feel sexually, erotically attracted.
    And what happens with most of us? When we’re faced with an erotic attraction to someone “inappropriate” – we shut down.
    And I don’t want you to do that.
    I want you to stay open to ALWAYS feeling erotically attracted to YOURSELF – and so you will ALWAYS be radiating a sexual, sensual, erotic vibe. We’re all afraid of what will happen if we open ourselves up like that – and I want you to embrace that fear and open up anyway.
    So – what you may feel from a man who says he wants “friendship” is that EROTIC component he also feels. You may just hook it up to your OWN feelings for him, because these energies bounce off of each other, or you may mistake that erotic energy for ROMANTIC feelings.
    This is how it gets so confusing with a man who says “friends” but feels like more than that to you. This is why a man can sleep with you and still consider you just a “friend.”
    It’s not cruelty. He’s not trying to hurt you. It’s just simpler for him than it is for you.



  13.  #13Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 8:17 am

    So when a man comes up with the “friends” line – however he says it – GET OUT OF THERE!
    I mean this LITERALLY. Don’t smile, don’t say how you “love him as a person” and “of course you want him in your life,” don’t say you “need to think about it,” don’t share your pain with him….because – he is NO LONGER YOUR FRIEND.
    Yes, this is pretty radical. Say “Oh. Well, you’re right, of course. Goodbye, then,” turn around and get yourself to your home, to your girlfriend’s home, to a dance class, the gym, the coffee house – just get out of there.
    And yes – he will call you. He’ll try to “make nice.” He’ll try to do what he needs to do to feel better himself, and he’ll try to do what he needs to do to KEEP YOU in his LIFE.
    Do not pick up the phone, do not return calls, do not return emails. Nothing. If you see him at work, smile and walk past.
    If he should manage to get you on the phone, say “This doesn’t feel good, I ust don’t have the time for a man friend right now, I have to go…” and hang up the phone.
    And do all this WITHOUT ANGER. Think about it. He’s done nothing wrong. He’s done nothing bad. He hasn’t (unless he’s a sociopath, and we’ll talk about that later) intentionally tried to hurt you. It just didn’t work out for him. He’s trying to “let you down easy,” and he really likes you as a person and as a woman and so he’s trying to keep you in his life.
    If he hadn’t HAD to – because the relationship had come to the point where he had to – he would have tried his best to NOT say anything to you. He would have “strung you along” for as long as he could. And not because he’s “bad” and “awful” – but because he LIKES you – appreciates how you add to his life, and doesn’t want to LET YOU GO.

    https://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/category/from-lovers-to-friends-and-back-again/



  14.  #14Emoticon on August 18, 2011 at 8:29 am

    OMG i feel so silly, i found it and posted on the SAME thread. lol but here it is again

    I found it!!

    “SIRENS!!
    So i havent really heard much from the first CD i was telling you all about. He tweets me every couple days just talking about himself, his day and other random stuff, but I am receptive to it nonetheless

    Another one of my CDs keeps asking me to call him. I’m out of the country so all i can do is text until i go back this weekend. But he seems so excited to talk to me. He told me he got me a present while I was away. Im pretty anxious to see it. His words are very affectionate. I really feel the whole waterwheel thing is so much easier to imagine with him because i dont really have to imagine it so much lol.

    I was just thinking about it, and its like every time i leave my house, i am a approached by multiple men and add at least one to my dating rotation. This is so cool! All i do is keep in mind what Rori said that circular dating is to be curious about every guy who approaches you but continue to lean back. So i dont offer my number, some ask for it some don’t. Oh well… I love the idea of CDing because i’m not bothered about not hearing from one of them. My social networks, cellphone, everything is going off constantly I have no time to obsess over any one of them OR my ex. ” – Me yesterday heehee ^_^



  15.  #15Ella on August 18, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Hey Sirens,

    One of my CDs left a message re planning and date and mentioned bringing his friend along.

    Huh?

    Did I miss something?

    Is dating not normally just between 2 people?

    I don’t feel too confortable with this suggestion I don’t think.

    What do you all think?



  16.  #16Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 8:56 am

    RE 15 If it is not a double date then his idea might be just hanging out.



  17.  #17Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 9:06 am

    http://www.loveromancerelationship.com/inspire-the-kind-of-attraction-he-cant-deny/

    Here’s How to Recognize the Real Thing: SPIRITUAL ATTRACTION
    1) It Feels Like You’ve Come Home

    When you’re with the right guy, you’ll know it because you feel calm about it. It will feel normal, like “of course this is happening.”

    If you’re feeling anxious around him or about him and you feel the need to analyze his every word with everyone you talk to, then you can be pretty sure he’s not your guy.

    If you’re thinking “huh” instead of “ahhh” most of the time, something’s wrong.

    2) You’re Being Your Best You

    When you get that spring in your step, you start getting kudos at work, and you’re inspired to stick to your workout routine, chances are you’ve landed on Mr. Right. If, however, you’re not functioning at your job, you’ve let your good habits slide, and friends are starting to worry about you, then stop over thinking it:

    This guy is not The One.

    3) You Can Let Things Unfold

    Are you doing, doing, doing to make the relationship happen? Do you feel like you have to constantly control things in order to make the relationship move forward?

    Then I can tell you that spiritual attraction is not at work here. The guy you were born to be with will be a breath of fresh air to you – you’ll feel like you can let go and let things happen naturally…

    Even if you’re a control freak (although you’ll need to work on this if you want a good, lasting relationship and to save your sanity!)

    4) You Feel Comfortable Saying “No”

    A sure sign you’re with the wrong guy is when you feel you have to go against your truth to be with him. If you’re making what he thinks the most important thing, and you’re doing things to please him you normally wouldn’t do, then this is not a stellar match.

    Your true Mr. Right respects who you are and makes you feel comfortable to express what you don’t want.

    There’s nothing like the feeling of sharing your life with the guy you have a true spiritual connection with.



  18.  #18mali on August 18, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Re 17: FW

    That was so good to read… the fact that it’s about us and how we feel, that if we feel unable to be ourselves, it’s NOT the right relationship for us. Whew! =)

    I heard this, and wanted to post it. Talk about SASSY.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNiyRuTm7Q0



  19.  #19Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 9:51 am

    SugarnSpice this is from a free eNewsletter from CCarter
    When a man you’re with starts to act “differently” – maybe he seems less interested in you, or doesn’t want to talk as much, or starts hanging out with his friends more – it can be very scary.
    Immediately you think to yourself “What did I do to make him upset or angry?” or “How can I ‘get him back’ close to me again?”
    That’s only natural and understandable.
    However, acting out in a negative, emotionally-charged way only sets off a severe reaction where you might begin to act or think in destructive ways.
    Some women even try and “pre-empt” the pain or fear that they feel by pulling away or getting distant FIRST.
    Here are 3 of the most common ways women let fear get the better of them and end up making men want to pull away:
    1. Becoming intensely negative, and accusing a man of abandoning them or wanting to leave when he acts “distant”. This could be statements like,
    “You don’t love me anymore, do you?” “I know you’re thinking of breaking up with me.” “I can’t stand how you’re acting lately.”
    2. Finding ways to hurt or reject the man they’re with inside the relationship before he can hurt THEM (this might include belittling, name-calling, “nagging”)
    3. Acting out in ways that are sure to destroy the relationship… such as cheating.
    The truth is, you can’t rely on a man to fill ALL your needs for love and happiness. No one but you can start yourself down that path.
    And he certainly isn’t going to figure out how a relationship SHOULD work, and the best way to make love last… and guide you through it.
    I think you know that this is VERY UNLIKELY.
    A man doesn’t have all the power to give you love, or to take it away from you.
    He only has the power to SHARE LOVE with you. But you have to know YOUR PART in love BEFORE love can last.
    YOU have the power to create this for yourself, and guide yourself to the love life you’ve always wanted.
    It starts with you.
    Don’t let what a man doesn’t know, what he doesn’t get, or your own fears stand in your way of experiencing true and lasting love.
    It’s time you start seeing past all the things that are happening on the surface in your love life… and get to what’s going on a DEEPER LEVEL.



  20.  #20Ella on August 18, 2011 at 10:11 am

    FW re 16,

    That is what I thought however he is off POF. his profile says he is looking for a relationship and I had already kinda dropped him out of rotation but he kept contacting me and asking to meet.

    One of the reasons I was ready to drop him is because he doesn’t live locally (over 1 hour away) and I feel turned off by long distance.

    But he says he wants to come down and meet me.

    I feel confused.

    I will speak to him soon and I am sure it will all become clear.



  21.  #21Starla on August 18, 2011 at 10:29 am

    I am feeling great today! Hello world!

    I feel hung up on New Guy

    Just kind of noticing that I feel this way. Not doing anything about it. But definitely not in control of where my energy is. It’s all shooting at him.

    noticing that we don’t have plans, and noticing that he mentioned a different concert he’d like to take me to, but hasn’t firmed up the plans in any way.

    feeling anxious

    yet knowing from experience he will call me tonight or tomorrow night or saturday to make the plans

    going to lean waaaaay back

    i felt like my thanking him for wanting to be there for me last night ended up being leaning forward a bit… my energy feels all weird and out of whack.

    but i love me and all is right in the world:)

    and today is a beautiful beautiful day

    and if it doesn’t freaking rain like how it always does every afternoon when i’m off of work, i will go lay out by the pool and read and get some sun:) yummy



  22.  #22sugar n spice on August 18, 2011 at 10:45 am

    I posted this on the previous thread and didn’t see that there was a new one now.

    Ladies please give me your opinion. I have RR’s book but I would like to get more of her work. I am in a relationship that I’ve posted a bit about here. It is good, just not moving as fast as I’m used to (which might be a good thing). My question is…which one of RR’s programs were most helpful to you? I was thinking the modern siren or the commitment blueprint. I know i need both but finicially cant do both now.

    Also I am a very analytical person, just learning to actually feel my feelings. Is there anything you would suggest to help me with this. A lot of what you talk about, like vortex and boy taking care of girl, just makes no sense to me at this point. How did any of you learn to do this?



  23.  #23sugar n spice on August 18, 2011 at 10:50 am

    RE: 19, thank you FW. I appreciate that newletter. I know i have done those things in the past but I have been able to stop myself from doing this with S when i am feeling scared and insecure. I just wish I didn’t feel so scared and insecure so damm much. Seems like I live my life that way and I hate it!!

    This really hti home with me-“A man doesn’t have all the power to give you love, or to take it away from you.
    He only has the power to SHARE LOVE with you. But you have to know YOUR PART in love BEFORE love can last.
    YOU have the power to create this for yourself, and guide yourself to the love life you’ve always wanted.
    It starts with you.
    Don’t let what a man doesn’t know, what he doesn’t get, or your own fears stand in your way of experiencing true and lasting love.
    It’s time you start seeing past all the things that are happening on the surface in your love life… and get to what’s going on a DEEPER LEVEL.”

    I want to know that deeper level. I know i have never felt that before. I have always realied on a man to made me happy and always ended up getting hurt and disappointed. I know now that I NEED TO MAKE ME HAPPY NOT A MAN!!



  24.  #24Starla on August 18, 2011 at 10:55 am

    sugar and spice, vortex is an abraham hicks thing. i would go to youtube and search abraham hicks. may strike you as too new-agey, but abraham hicks is the name of a persona channeled by a woman named Esther. I really really really like it…it’s pretty helpful and non-culty.

    cuz cults are weird, mmmk? hehe



  25.  #25Sugar n spice on August 18, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Thanks Starla. I will check that out. And yes, cults are weird hehe



  26.  #26Ella on August 18, 2011 at 11:49 am

    Reading the newsletter from CC today… it occurs to me that these days I get the fear reaction really early on.

    Like I used to get it a few months or more into a relationship, these days I have been getting that ‘ah he’s going to leave me’ reaction after just a few dates…

    Hmm.

    Why? Maybe cus I am thinking of people in terms of husband these days? Maybe cus of what happened with my ex?

    I don’t know, and what is important is that I have noticed.

    Is it some form of healing?

    Ow that would be nice.

    I know CDing is meant to trigger us to an extent.

    I love my fear.

    Thank you for my fear.

    I don’t mind if he leaves (well sometimes I do).



  27.  #27Ella on August 18, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Hey J,

    This is what I would say to you if I spoke to you.

    I feel sad that you have gone. I miss hanging out with you. I miss laughing with you. And your eyes, so full of energy.

    I feel angry.

    I don’t understand what happened.

    I want to understand.

    I feel afraid, that I did something wrong and it pushed you away.

    I want to tell you that it came out wrong when I said I don’t want a relationship. I do.

    What I meant is I want a committed, for ever relationship.

    But it doesn’t mean that I have to have it now.

    I was happy just spending time and dating. Having fun together. What I meant was I was I am not going to be exclusive unless it is a forever relationship.

    It would have been ok.

    I feel sad that we didn’t get a chance.

    I feel terrible wondering if *I* ruined things. I want to be reassured. I want to know this is just what you do, not to do with me or something I have done.

    I feel angry because you told me you would be here. You said you wanted to spend time together, YOU said you wanted a relationship. You said you would call.

    I feel disappointed.

    I feel FURIOUS.

    And then it passes.

    I want to know if you meant the words you said.

    Most of all I just thought you were cool and wanted to hang out with you.

    I feel such a mix of things because I don’t understand.

    I feel foolish for feeling so much.

    I feel FURIOUS at myself for giving so much to you (investing). I feel foolish for getting hormonally attached. I thought I could handle this. It turns out I can’t.

    You were lucky to get time with me but I forgot that.

    I feel tortured with the thoughts that I messed up.

    All I wanted was for there not to be pressure on our dating relationship and I don’t know if I pushed you away.

    I don’t know what you meant when you were talking about that there is no point when your just not that into someone, did you mean you were not into me or I was not into you?

    And if you weren’t into me why did you keep asking for a relationship?

    I feel confused.

    And annoyed.

    I felt off balance.

    Because I could never really ‘get’ where you were coming from. Eg one minute I think you were really into me and the next I think you really weren’t and I just feel that you were not being honest.

    Or truly open. You were covering up your truth and who you really are and how you really feel with your energy and charisma.

    And it was nice. Nice energy. And fun. Great charisma.

    And I felt off balance.

    And I want a do-over and yet I don’t know that it would be any different.

    I just really want to know that you did love me (like me).

    I feel furious with the not knowing.

    And powerless.

    And I feel like a child that had a toffee aple given to them and then it was snatched away.

    And I just feel in a big muddle.

    And wanting to reach out to feel better.

    And I feel so vulnerable writing this. And afraid of being an obsessive stalker.

    And I am writing it here to get it out.

    I am ready ? to focus back on my life.

    Although somehow it doesn’t feel as exciting.

    But I love me.

    I am for me.

    And sometimes things seem so hard.

    And I never seem to get it right.

    I feel hopeless and frustrated today.



  28.  #28alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    goddess beauty tip:

    when applying mascara focus on the roots first.

    also, i won two million in the lotto.

    thank you.



  29.  #29Ella on August 18, 2011 at 12:24 pm

    Btw I wouldn’t say all that if I spoke to J at all.

    It just all poured out.

    I am feeling so tired and fed up today.

    Like nothing ever really seems to change.

    I feel SO tired of working hard and yet STILL I don’t have any money.

    And I can’t spend money on my hair, and get my nails done, and buy some dresses etc… things I could normally do to make me feel good.

    I just want life to feel a bit easier again.

    And I don’t know how to do that.

    I feel caught on a hamster wheel of work.

    And I know I have chosen this path and buidling my own business is my choice and yet I still want good quality of life.

    Maybe I should get a sugar daddy.

    And I can’t even seem to manifest that at the moment (a great man I mean) otherwise I would already be married.

    And I am grateful for everything I have.

    And I just feel out of control in my life again.

    Oh well tomorrow is a new day.

    Thank you Ella for stopping work and bringing me to bed.



  30.  #30AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    Ella #27…It is amazing what you wrote about J is how I feel well not about J obviously but it really struck a note with me and my feelings. Thanks for sharing!



  31.  #31Ella on August 18, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    And something else I notice.

    J has some pics on his FB of him and his family.

    And basically they look so happy. Like a really close family and they are all smiling and laughing and he has his brother and his sister and they all look so sorted and close.

    And I feel so sad.

    I want that.

    I have never had that.

    That sense of belonging to a family.

    It was always just me and my mum.

    And they are so attractive and ‘normal’. And I just feel so broken and damaged by comparison, like I could never be like that.

    And I know that no family is perfect.

    And I still just feel so sad. I want to belong to a group like that.

    ———————————————–

    But you know what, lets start with what we have.

    I am close to my Mum, having a cocktail noght with her tomorrow. And we have my mum’s partner.

    And I have my housemates. Who I like and feel close to. Like a temporary family.

    And I feel so dysfunctional sometimes.

    Like even when I am surrounded by my family sometimes I simply can’t feel happy and content.

    Like somehow they are not good enough or are not quite as good as the family I want to be part of.

    Urghh I feel like an ungrateful cow.

    And I am working on just appreciating what I have and being in the moment and feeling contented.

    Last time I was around my family I practiced listening at level 2 and really getting involved in the conversation and appreciating them for who they are.

    And it does feel more fun.

    I love it when I can create fun in the moment, no matter who I am with.

    Hmmm.

    I intend to get genuinly interested in people.

    And that all starts with me.

    How I am feeling. And how well I am taking care of myself.

    Cus if I am taking care of myself and I feel good everything else flows from there so much more easily.



  32.  #32Luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    So …Mr. tb found me on pof , I closed evow since it had the same pof members. Anyway, h apologized for not calling, then he said he found someone more compatible. I was going to use an fm etc. But then I sensed he. Isay sort of expecting me to say something, to perhaps call him a player, to have some kind of reaction…so I deleted the message and strted to read the other five I had from other guys. Yesterday I had two nice conversations with two possible cds so it doesn’t matter if mr. Tb wants to play the chase me game…I won’t chase him!
    Also another guy I went on a date, and I tought he did not want to see me again is back sort of kissing my butt calling me his cutie…lol leaning back is the best tool I’ve mastered so far…



  33.  #33AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 12:41 pm

    So true Ella, Some may say we want what we cannot have. So it takes looking at ourselves and current situation to realize what we have is not at all a bad thing. It could be different but it’s not, so don’t envy him and his family. There is probably a lot there you don’t even know about. That is your NV’s getting a hold of you so don’t let them get you down. You are special and share a great relationship with your mother that some women or girls would give anything to have 🙂



  34.  #34Luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    So …Mr. tb found me on pof , I closed evow since it had the same pof members. Anyway, h apologized for not calling, then he said he found someone more compatible. I was going to use an fm etc. But then I sensed he. Isay sort of expecting me to say something, to perhaps call him a player, to have some kind of reaction…so I deleted the message and strted to read the other five I had from other guys. Yesterday I had two nice conversations with two possible cds so it doesn’t matter if mr. Tb wants to play the chase me game…I won’t chase him!
    Also another guy I went on a date, and I tought he did not want to see me again is back sort of kissing my bu** calling me his cutie…lol leaning back is the best tool I’ve mastered so far…



  35.  #35Ella on August 18, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    Alias Girl re 28

    Really?

    Wow!

    How cool is that!

    How do you feel?



  36.  #36Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    Remember the post where Rori says to write your story as if it is what you want, as in writing from the future.



  37.  #37Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:01 pm

    FW – yes I do that all the time.

    I often feel confused when your posts don’t say who they are for or which post they relate to.

    I feel frusrtated and left out, unsure.

    And a bit silly / self conscious like ‘is she talking to me?’

    Do you mean that is what Alias Girl is doing with the lottery post?

    Btw – I use that tool a lot, have done for years.

    And it does seem to work 🙂

    I am pretty much living the one I wrote 5 years ago, minus a man.



  38.  #38Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:06 pm

    Just seen this in the ‘about me’ section on a profile on POF!!!

    Errr, hmmm. Not sure what to say about this. I feel confused:

    “Hello,hello,hello and welcome to the show!!Anyone who can tell me who’s catchphrase that is then I’ll buy them an ice cream and I might even stretch to getting you a flake aswell LOL Boom Boom now there’s a clue LOL And before you ask you can’t have my job,Im not giving it up that easily,I’ve worked hard to get it and Im no quitter that’s why Im not giving up drinking and smoking LOL About this site is why do women over 40 put a picture up next to their daughter,you think she looks nice then realise that she’s the one in
    the background LOL Children in Need is on tonight,I think it’s a right
    rip off as I haven’t seen a penny of that money from my childhood LOL
    I notice most ladies on here like going walking,riding horses and
    running,hasn’t anyone heard of a car?much easier and you can get some
    fresh air if you put the window down,why is it that
    people that are into photography on here have no pic,you can’t like it
    that much,as to anyone messaging me whom are over 50,I might be single
    but Im not desperate and to women that are over 5ft 10 how am I meant
    to kiss you unless I have a Yellow Pages on me,as to the body type question on
    here I think a few of you have bought a mirror from the funfair because if
    you think you are average then you seriously need to talk to a good friend who will
    tell you the truth LOL As to the picture
    of me asleep,of course I am,how else did I take it,well OK rant over
    LOL I’ve just rejoined this site and have noticed that there are alot of prostitutes trying to sell their wares,so to speak,well I suppose it’s cheaper than having a girlfriend and at least you can just cut to the chase,problem I have is that they want £160 for an hour,I only take 5 mins and I ask can’t I have a pay a I use system LOL
    Can you believe a teacher put this on my school report”Simon has very low standards and fails to achieve those”the cheek of it only joking LOL A man of few words most of them cheerful!!
    This prisoner escapes
    after 15 years.
    He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young
    couple in bed.
    He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the
    wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up
    and goes into the bathroom.
    While he’s in there, the husband tells his wife: “Listen, this guy is
    an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He’s probably spent lots of
    time in jail, and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed
    your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain and do what
    he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably
    really dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us. Be strong, honey. I
    love you.”
    To which the wife responds, “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was
    whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were
    cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him
    where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too.”
    Slight update here,if you get this far down LOL Im looking for someone like Linda Nolan,
    she’s hot and I just love her in that lunchtime show,what’s it called
    Drunken Housewives LOL And what has happened to Richard and Judy,when was
    that taken off the air,Im gutted and where has Pebble Mill gone?
    I got the last copy of The News Of The World,I’ve been doing the crossword
    but don’t know some of the answers,how can I ever find out LOL
    Now I’ve just
    watched Inception for the 5th time and still can’t work it out,are we
    living in a dream or is reality just a….well I’ve had enough
    thinking about it,does anyone know anyone who has a degree is
    pyschology to help me out LOL Im looking for someone who has a sense
    of humour,easy going and prefers the finer things in life.Wouldn’t it
    be great if POF went 3D,I just went and watched Saw 3D,how twisted is
    that,whoever thought that up needs serious help,even worse is people
    like me who go and watch the first screening,I think aswell it’s a
    perfect film to go on a first date with,very romantic with some fun
    filled games too
    I want to live my next life backwards: you start out dead and get that
    out of the way. Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better
    every day. Then you get kicked out for being too healthy. Enjoy your
    retirement and collect your pension. Then when you start work, you get
    a gold watch on your first day.
    You work 40 years untill you’re too young to work. You get ready for
    school: drink too much, party and are generally premiscuous. Then you
    go to primary school, you become a kid, play and have no
    reponsibilities. Then you become a baby, and then… You spend your
    last 9 months floating peacfully in luxury in spa like
    conditions-central heating, room service on tap and then … you
    finish off as an orgasm! What can I say!!

    I’ve got a cat called Mitten,but she keeps eating shuttlecocks,I turn
    round and say bad mitten

    Something terrible happened last night,I got in drunk and accidently
    put the cat in the washing machine,but at least it died in Comfort

    The only time a goodbye is painful is when you know you’ll never say hello again

    Im looking for honest,trustworthy and loyal,better go and buy a dog then

    What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcholic?an alcohlic admits it x

    Hi honey Im home,did you miss me?
    Back on here again to hopefully make some new friends and who knows
    what might happen but with my track record probably a few enemies
    aswell.

    I should really put something down about myself,but I wouldn’t want to
    bore you to tears so I’ll just leave this part

    We were asked at work that all overtime will be done by alphabetical
    order,I stood up and said call me Zinedine Zidane”



  39.  #39Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    RE 37 I think that is what AG is doing. I also believe it is part of the dynamics of LOA. It has to be in your mind for it to appear in front of you. Thoughts become things so choose the best ones – Notes from the Universe



  40.  #40Starla on August 18, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    I feel scared that the better my vibe gets and the more vortexy i get and healthier i get, it’s going to intimidate and scare off guys.

    like, ohhh, that girl is financially responsible, i’m not good enough for her. that girl is always happy, i’m not good enough for her…etc.



  41.  #41Starla on August 18, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    or worse, they’ll think i’m annoying, or won’t tolerate any flaws!



  42.  #42Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    RE 40/41 Yes but is that thought true?



  43.  #43Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    Did You Know:
    A 15-year-long study found that a person’s happiness level before marriage was the best
    predictor of happiness after marriage. In other words, marriage won’t automatically make
    one happy.

    Source: John Gottman



  44.  #44Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    Bob Grant

    Men are quickly aroused but slow to bond.

    Men do not bond through their feelings because they don’t use their feelings as often as women do. In fact,
    when a man is full of emotion, they often say very dumb things…

    Men feel just as deeply as women.

    Did you know that research has shown that men have a more difficult time recovering emotionally from a
    breakup than a woman? I’m sure you find that hard to believe, but it’s true. What’s different about men is
    that they can suppress their sensitivity much more easily than women. Since women don’t often see this side of a man’s personality, they often assume men don’t have feelings of tenderness and gentleness. Men have those feelings – it just takes them longer than women to experience these feelings.

    How to use this information:

    Since a man feels deeply, regardless of how he acts, don’t let what he says or how he acts fool you. He is
    quiet capable of deep feelings, it just takes time. Don’t rush a relationship, instead pace your man. For example, don’t let him see you too often in the first 3 months of dating.

    If you’re married, always maintain some level of mystery with your husband by not expecting him to fulfill all your emotional needs.

    How do these actions make a man feel more emotions? Men like to “capture” a woman’s heart. They may grumble or complain, but their greatest passion is being able to make a woman surrender to their wishes. If you give into what he wants too quickly, he soon becomes bored. When he’s pursuing you, he’s bonding with you. When he’s bonding with you, his emotions will always be aroused at a safe pace.



  45.  #45tinque on August 18, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Hello Evereyone…

    xxoo



  46.  #46Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Hmmm, I am chatting (IM) with a guy from POF. He lives in my town! And knows my housemate.

    And he is taking AGES to reply…

    I am feeling a bit put out about it and I wonder if he is chatting with other women (not my business) but I feel frustrated about how long he is takuing to reply.

    Should I say something or not?



  47.  #47Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:40 pm

    Hey Tinque

    xxx



  48.  #48Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Starla re 40

    Know what you mean.

    I worry about that too.

    And I don’t think its true.

    Its an NV.

    xxx



  49.  #49Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Urghhh… he’s taking for ever.

    I am starting to lose interest / feel annoyed.



  50.  #50AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    RE:38 That profile screamed douhe bag to me..sorry just sayin lol ewww



  51.  #51AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Thats “DOUCHE” oops lmao



  52.  #52Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:49 pm

    Right I said ‘I feel frustrated cus this IM seems so slow’

    ….

    Not sure that is entirely what I mean.

    I would like to say

    ‘and it feels weird because I am not sure if I have your full attention. and it always feels better to me to know the person I am talking to is focused on me’

    Hmmm, I feel a bit demandy…



  53.  #53Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:51 pm

    Amazing Me

    Yeah me too…

    I haven’t answered his message.

    To me it just kinda feels weird though… like hiding behind millions of jokes.



  54.  #54Daria on August 18, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Ella – practice being ‘demandy’

    I LOVE about myself that i have started saying this stuff!

    i feel not paid attention to!

    yum!



  55.  #55Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    Just expressed…

    What I wrote above about how it feels better when the person is focused on me.

    Feel a bit vulnerable and worried about being percieved as demanding and unreasonable.

    Don’t like the taste of no crumbs though.

    If it is that…

    Maybe he is just a 1 finger typer!

    Lol.



  56.  #56Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:58 pm

    His reply

    I can be a bit shy at times knowing what to say. Lol.

    Awww



  57.  #57Ella on August 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Can see I am going to get to practice outgirling here…

    And slowing down.

    Good job I have here to come and speed type all my energy into.

    Lol.



  58.  #58Daria on August 18, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Ella – i love your demanding unreasonable self! yay Goddess Diva



  59.  #59AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    I think relying on marriage, a relationship, or just another being in general, to make you happy… your setting yourself up for disappointment. Never let your happiness rely on someone else, remember if you want things done right do it yourself.This includes love 🙂



  60.  #60Ella on August 18, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    Daria

    Yay.

    I felt vulnerable and I am glad I expressed.

    Yay ME.



  61.  #61Queenbee on August 18, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Hi Sirens,

    Quick one – If a man is unavailable for a relationship do you stop using FM’s with him?

    Oh, btw – I got my dream job confirmed yesterday 🙂 Yay for me and more POWER!! 🙂



  62.  #62Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Yay Queenbee!

    and.. No… you practice FM’s with everyman, including children, and even with women



  63.  #63Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    amazing me that feels a bit bad – i mean the idea feels good of being responsible for my happiness

    but the belief to rely on myself only to do it right feels bad and like im not allowing msyelf to be vulnerable



  64.  #64AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    I am stuck though at moment…I am in a pause of my life like I have these things holding me back and I just want to cut them off and fly with my new wings. Well i had a NONPRODUCTIVE day due to this intense tooth pain. Hard to focus on much of anything! I am just thinking Monday will be here soon and I will be that much closer to getting my nursing license!!argggghhh….



  65.  #65Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:10 pm

    Ella – yay! i’ve been having such good results expressing stuff like that ! its like my power is growing… yay!



  66.  #66AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    I know Daria that is one of my issues, sorry to trigger you in any way. I struggle with that whole vulnerable thing 🙂



  67.  #67alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 2:14 pm

    #44 FW some of that sounds like “strategy”. what do you think?



  68.  #68Queenbee on August 18, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Had a terrible night and overslept, so I didn’t go to the workshop to do the project with Mr. Unavailable.

    I texted at 8:30am that I would be in around 11:45am.

    I received a text at 12:15pm saying:

    “Pls don’t come now, we are about to leave. Thank you. You’re very late though”.

    I felt angry receiving a text like this. He did not tell me that it was ending at Noon.

    Why didn’t he text me then at 8:30am and say, ‘oh, 11:45am would be late as we are leaving at …”.

    What’s more annoying is I don’t like all the urgency he’s creating around the project.

    He told me yesterday they were doing the overhaul today. It takes time for me to organize myself and clear my schedule.

    How am I supposed to know what kind of schedule they follow.

    Damnit, I feel so annoyed. I have not communicated anything to him today. That text just feels blamey.

    Anyway, I may email and ask for the schedule for next week. I don’t want to miss the overhaul… but feel pissed off.

    What do you think Sirens?



  69.  #69alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 2:17 pm

    #61 Queenbee CONGRATULATIONS!!! yae!

    me too!! that makes three if you count esteemed also!

    good things come in threes!



  70.  #70Queenbee on August 18, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    Thanks Daria. Ok, that is interesting. I’ll keep on then and Leaning Back 🙂

    I’m noticing now that the man is not pursuing me coz he is unavailable.

    Perhaps this is my transition from attracting married men to single men showing up in my life and pursuing me 🙂

    I would enjoy that.



  71.  #71Queenbee on August 18, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    CONGRATULATIONS to you too Alias Girl! Very cool. It makes such a difference having the power to do and live.

    Well done to my boy and yours too!

    Loving myself more with each new day! That’s my mantra 🙂



  72.  #72Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm

    go amazing me!!

    hugs for your tooth!

    and enjoy it to have a nonproductive day! yay (too bad about the pain 🙁 )



  73.  #73Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    yay Queenbee for your transition!



  74.  #74alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Thank you QueenBee! 🙂



  75.  #75Senior Lady Vibe on August 18, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Hello world, I’m thankful for wi-fi.

    Catching up, sort of… from another time and place.

    @Plum
    I’d like to see those vids. I saw Dr. Phil show a couple years ago on guys who didn’t want to marry and the women who…. did. I wonder if some of the vids are part of that. I’m eager to see them.

    @477: Mel says:
    “..This is getting interesting…”

    For me also.. the further adventures of…
    WeirdTextGuy, number 2 is missing, 2hcGuy, and BeeStingCOffeeGuy. I’m staying tuned!

    @502: alias girl says:
    “…i live in dreamland. consider that whenever i say anything…”

    That’s cool. I live in “Magic Land”… that’s the putting together of the dreams and making them happen (and sorta enjoying the dreams even if the dreams haven’t happened yet.)

    😀

    xoxo



  76.  #76alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    one of the things i Love about rori’s work is how fearless and confident i have become and am becoming more still.

    i don’t worry about being “tricked” by a man. at all. in the least. in any aspect.

    i just follow my feelings. and since commitment for me really is on a moment to moment basis then i have nothing to fear. feels good – allow. feels bad – turn toward something that feels good, ta da.

    sex, romance, commitment, relationship,

    it doesn’t matter what a man SAYS or even does. it matters how I FEEL.

    aw. i feel very in love with me right now.

    i love what byron katie says about personality. and how personality just wants to get something.

    there are people i love just because. and that feels soooo good. and i am one of those people i love! i don’t need to be or do or think or feel or have any way other than i am. i still love me with all my heart.



  77.  #77Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Queenbee – i say make sure you communicate and say what you Don’t want and stick to it

    i went with my cousins on a trip and they… the guys… got all set about teh schedule they set without regarding my feelings and i felt BAD. and so i realize i really have to be clear when i DONT WANT something and then they easily reorganize when i am firm to take my feelings into consideration



  78.  #78alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    #76 SVL we live really nearby! we could hang out! I love hanging out in Magicland! Love that place. i can’t get enough. i’ve visited many times. love it.

    where is the best place to stay while there….

    …THE VORTEX.

    (rofl)



  79.  #79Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    KS – i do have FB .. search for me as lilreddgirl…

    i am mostly available now and will be 100% available again in an hour or so



  80.  #80Daria on August 18, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    im leaning ona lion in my pic



  81.  #81Senior Lady Vibe on August 18, 2011 at 2:56 pm

    Written offline before the RR consultation. So I’ll keep it here for myself… 😀

    #515: Lucy says:
    “..So then, I could be looking at engagement rings with him on Friday and have a date with another guy on Saturday?…”

    Uh, no; I wouldn’t anyway… The engagement to marry is a commitment. I wouldn’t be seeing anyone else as romantic dates but I’d still expect to socialize with males and females platonically.

    Everyone is different so I’m only speaking for myself.

    #535: Lucy says:
    “…That’s what I’m thinking, too, FW. I’m just not sure what the RR way is. kwim? I feel confused about what is between “dating” and “engaged” in the RR way.
    Marriage is clearly “on the table”… so what is that?..”

    IMHO, Dating exclusively. In my case I might give it a season or two…. to see what happens. But I
    wouldn’t unless I was darn near sure…

    BTW, I’m looking to have such a relationship be the “He and I way” rather than a RR or someone else’s way. I’d want us to trust ourselves without asking for a blessing from another.

    Best wishes.

    xoxo



  82.  #82Senior Lady Vibe on August 18, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    @631: English Woman says:
    “… I am the smart a$$ type in many ways, and I think that is a boy thing right? …”

    Not if you have breasts. Then it’s womanly.

    @633
    “……..how to work on that?..”

    Lobotomy? LOL 😆

    #636: English Woman says:
    “…maybe as I come out of the doors at work I should take off my boy baseball cap and put on a girly floaty sun hat (metaphorically)…”

    Or try this one: It’s the hat that Sweetie and I share for miscellaneous gender activities; we pass it back and forth. We modeled it for Siren Island while you were away.

    http://cheekykitten.blogs.com/my_weblog/images/ferret3.jpg

    😀

    xoxo



  83.  #83Ella on August 18, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    Hmmm,

    Was just chatting to 3 guys on POF IM simultaneously and was having fun and then my internet crashed and I have logged back on now but the chat bubble has disappaered.

    Is it lean forward if I now chat request them?



  84.  #84Senior Lady Vibe on August 18, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    @29: Ella says:
    “…And I can’t spend money on my hair, and get my nails done, and buy some dresses etc… things I could normally do to make me feel good. …”

    The best fashion for good looks is a healthy body. From top to bottom… good hair, good skin, good teeth, good nails, toned body, Yay! Add a smidge of color and you’ve got it made!

    😀

    xoxo



  85.  #85AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    #72 wOW tHANK YOU Daria, It is amazing how you gave me happy thoughts and made what I felt was negative into positive. Like almost saying, “it will all be ok because I am an awesome girl” without saying it..lol Much Love Daria!! Love your positive vibe it is appreciated 🙂



  86.  #86luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    How can you learn intimacy by only CDing?



  87.  #87Senior Lady Vibe on August 18, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    @79: alias girl says:
    .”…i can’t get enough. i’ve visited many times. love it.
    where is the best place to stay while there……
    …THE VORTEX. (rofl) ..”

    Well… when powers increase, Magic Land will come to you. But in the meantime, a full-service apartment in the Sherry-Netherland (the Vortex floor) will work just fine…

    LOL 😆

    xoxo



  88.  #88AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    I think about things and I wonder, I mean I want to date I really do but I do not want to go find it. I would rather just work on me and practicing finding myself and what I really want in life. It;s like I want a man, a good man, but I am not going to search for it or go find myself a date. Yes I could do that but it’s not what I want. I am so focused on getting my financial situation put together and taking care of my kids takes a lot of my time. Then I get scared that I am ok being alone and I am not getting any younger. I don’t want to be the lonely cat lady!



  89.  #89AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    FAIR Roads
    Some say life isn’t fair in this cruel world we call home
    Traveling roads, streets, highways unknown

    Unfamiliar territory is scary when you travel, bring a flashlight,
    Yield to pedestrians and be prepared for fight.

    No one said this life was easy, no shortcuts, very few breaks,
    Crossroads like a promise of decisions to make.

    Loved ones taken too easily, no time for goodbye,
    Barely time to grieve let alone stop to cry.

    Overload, breakdown, flat tire, fill up quick,
    Rest the body and soul for you the clock still ticks.

    Time stops for no one, there are no favorites this time,
    This world is just as much yours as it is mine.

    Stop, think, and believe in yourself, the green light of life is near,
    A time will come when the path is calm and direction is clear.

    Take your time and dream, clear your thoughts, stay close to home,
    When you’re lost answers will come on their own.

    Don’t give up; keep going, the journey is long with roads that part.
    Your destination awaits; steer clear of the angry heart….

    Written By: AmazingMe
    Just wanted to share one of my favorite past times, writing!



  90.  #90Teresa on August 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Thank you soooo much for this blog!!!! This has been my problem with CD all along.

    I felt the need to share this site i discovered called http://www.speeddate.com – what a great way to interact with men for only 5 minutes at a time!!! So far, its been interesting & fun!

    Have a fun day, my Lady Sirens!



  91.  #91Emoticon on August 18, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    That was nice to read AmazingMe!



  92.  #92AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    #94 Thank you it felt good to write!



  93.  #93Daria on August 18, 2011 at 4:19 pm

    AmazingMe – your instincts are right on, in that “looking for a man” is not going to work well for you in romance!

    however, getting out there – WHERE THERE ARE MEN – and they are EVERYWHERE and especially ONLINE – opening your heart and body, Rori Raye dance position, and looking people in the eye with a 5 second smile

    will have men flocking to you so that you can Practice the working on you and the healing

    and wow is it FUn too!

    you can Do this!



  94.  #94AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    #96 Daria It is like pulling teeth with me, It is fun but I hate being disappointed it is so discouraging!!



  95.  #95Daria on August 18, 2011 at 4:32 pm

    English Woman – yes being a ‘smart ass’ is masculine energy as it tries to “one up” the other … a competitive masculine thing

    men will usually react by engaging you in such behavior… and you can have a fun time that results in bonding as “male buddies” do

    of course women, womanly women masculine women and all kinds of women do engage in these kinds of behaviors

    sometimes it can add a touch of playfullness…

    an easy way to think about it is.. is this “express” (feminine) or “impress” (masculine)

    usually quips are meant to “impress” – that won’t work when you want to create romantic attraction

    there are many subtle ways that we put someone down – i heard this from Rori and got an aha moment – even just a lil bit, on a not so on the surface level, so that we can get a boost, so we can get Up over them

    that subtle level is where this ‘energy’ stuff and ‘vibe’ takes place

    i am a woman who is very used to quips and using my wit, so i’ve often slid off into doing that with men when i felt “challenged”

    those relationships turned out to feel bad – mirrored my dad’s and i – and so i wound up feeling attached, he wound up thinking of me as a friend… :/ did NOT feel good

    lately ive been doing well with getting back on track with feeling messages

    in fact, underneath the quips, i still have feelings! sometimes i didn’t even think of looking at them … for myself! … because i defaulted to the quips

    i am awesome i am great, and i don’t need to prove it, especially to a man

    as exciting as being witty feels,

    the deep down vulnerable feelings feel even more fascinating… and that’s what im exploring and sharing nowadays



  96.  #96Daria on August 18, 2011 at 4:35 pm

    when im not doing masculine voice coaching or opinion giving or even quipping on the blog… hmm

    feeling a lil sad



  97.  #97Daria on August 18, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    AmazingMe – once you get your focus on the therapy of it…

    “what can I practice here? what did he show up to heal?”

    the Fun grows exponentially!

    also… sinking into that disappointment – i know, omgosh disappointment does NOT FEEL GOOD – can help heal and shift…

    just allowing myself to feel it, even a lil bit, and loving myself, telling myself i will be ok, i will be wonderful, and flipping my thoughts…

    that little love starts affecting me to where i can believe i am loved babystep by babystep… no matter what



  98.  #98Daria on August 18, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    i feel guilty about my quips

    i apologize slv about the womanly mention/quip

    i did feel triggered reading that seemed to me to quip and disagree with rori and i felt kinda… ok what DID i feel?

    i felt like – the truth – i felt like i got poked. in a not so good way… like i suddenly umph got poked

    like ouch!

    and then i felt defensive and i thought “ok I’ll smash her!”

    which i feel ashamed to feel!

    and then i got in on the quipping back thing, and dang it IS easy for me to go there

    and i love me

    and it does not really feel good

    and i want to heal this

    and i want to get along with my mom as images of her are popping up in my head

    love me

    feeling very vulnerable, embarassed, unsafe, like vulnerable

    omgosh

    this feels so uncomfortable

    i love my uncomfortableness



  99.  #99Starla on August 18, 2011 at 5:37 pm

    ahhhh my energy feels all effed up

    it’s this boy i am seeing

    so glad to notice how it feels, and knowing it will be all okay:)

    just cuz i notice i am feeling all wrapped up in him doesn’t mean i have to let it affect anything.

    and i mean, he is pretty great, and i DO love attention, especially from great guys, but fortunately there are a number of wonderful things I can do to pay attention to myself:):)



  100.  #100Starla on August 18, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    if he knew what a spazz i am for him, he would probably feel sooo relieved. haha. i bet he feels the same way about me often, and is always telling himself to calm the eff down about it.

    this will just be our little secret though:) he can tell in my openness to him how much i love being around him, and that’s enough.



  101.  #101Emoticon on August 18, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Okay so my old friend who i met up with in Trinidad after ten years is still pursuing me. Even if i left Trinidad a month ago n have no idea when i am going back. He is trying really hard and being the sweetest guy ever. CDing is awesome. I have no idea why i never thought of this before. Ordinary guys seem extraordinary because they can tell… so theyre trying super hard. Im grateful for having found Rori. I am having the time of my life….. my prime baby!



  102.  #102Starla on August 18, 2011 at 5:53 pm

    i would like more CDs please, thank you.

    where are all the men who were all over me? they were abducted by aliens oh nooooo



  103.  #103luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    Again…

    89: luzydel says:
    How can you learn intimacy by only CDing?

    I can master Cding, but I want to learn how to be in a relationship without fear of intimacy….any input?



  104.  #104alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    #90 SVL xoxo 🙂



  105.  #105Ella on August 18, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    Luzydel,

    By being intimate with the people you CD.

    You can be intimate with a person no matter whether you are in a relationship with them or now.

    xoxox



  106.  #106Emoticon on August 18, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    CDing feels like having OPTIONS. Having options feels like OMG! it feels like POWER.

    Sorry if im rambling im just so amazed at how well CDing is going 4 me



  107.  #107luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 6:12 pm

    Thanks Ella

    I am good at dating, but I think I suck at relationships…I have issues expressing my feelings…I am too deffensive…I have walls…That is why I want to practice the boy friend thing, because I will be sharing some level of intimacy without being commited…I am afraid of commitment…



  108.  #108Daria on August 18, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    luzydel – CDing feels Amazing for healing that… i too felt afraid of commitment…

    but now i feel like 99% ready for it!

    Cding feels magical – it just blows my mind literally, so many perceptions just shift

    and that i can feel intimate with different people..

    it feels … like a blessing…

    the KEY KEY KEY is… to do it always with the thought “i am a gift to them”

    and “what did he show up for me to heal?”

    and not thoughts of how will we match up romantically

    that way even a guy in a wheelchair who looks like my uncle can help me, and i know i am helping him too!



  109.  #109luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    ok just got a CD Set up for saturday; the guy said he will pick the place to meet, that seems like a good start so far 🙂

    Also Talking to a another guy who keeps saying I am beautiful, I need to learn to accept those compliments; even writing about it makes me blush



  110.  #110Daria on August 18, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    thank you KS !

    lean back… release your shoulders, heart, pelvis….

    breathe…

    THEN find your feelings (not before)

    and then share the feelings simply

    I feel… 🙂

    use smily faces or sad faces! makes a big difference in the Emotion that comes across!



  111.  #111luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    Ok I also feel bothered that Mr. TB went hunting for me at another dating site just to tell me; he met someone more compatible. I wonder why he would do that, not like I was asking for anything, I wasnt chasing him…I feel bothered by his actions…I sensed he wanted to make me feel bad because I leaned back instead of chasing after him…



  112.  #112Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    “he wanted to make me feel bad” Is this thought true?



  113.  #113luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    116: Femininewoman says:
    “he wanted to make me feel bad” Is this thought true?

    I dont know, I am just expressing what is bothering me so it goes away fast and I can keep on moving…



  114.  #114Esteemed on August 18, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Queenbee and Alias Girl,

    RE: #69 – Congratulations on your new jobs! I most likely start not this Monday but next Monday in mine!



  115.  #115Starla on August 18, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    yay, prosperous sirens

    i am paying off all my debts tomorrow

    (except for student loan, but i dont view that quite the same)



  116.  #116AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Ok Daria and Sirens, I tried it and remained open and let a boy call me. Problem is he just wanted to meet me not go anywhere not do anything. He said he couldn’t afford to go out. Yuck that feels bad and I told him that was not what I was looking for. He kept texting prior to that and kept asking me for a kiss. Needless to say short convo.



  117.  #117alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 7:11 pm

    #109 emoticon I LOVE OPTIONS!!!!! OPTIONS, BABY!!



  118.  #118Susan on August 18, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Just sharing what happened tonight… I am in a committed relationship with Skittish Guy (who isn’t so skittish anymore) and I wasn’t with him tonight. I try to practice being open to men even though I am not looking for a man. I went to a meeting related to my housing development and didn’t have time to put on makeup or dress up. It has been 105-109 degrees here day after day so I pretty much wear loose clothing and flip flops while trying to survive the heat. I walk up and a man in a suit smiles at me and opens the door for me and extends his hand and asks my name. He didn’t do that for everyone. Inside, another suited man practically ran across the room to greet me and asked “And who are YOU???” He tried to keep me engaged in conversation (I could see the ring on his finger so all I would do is talk anyway.) Both men were under age 50. I am 55 years old and I am not beautiful. I was, however, having fun! All the time I was there I was making eye contact and water wheeling. Sure was good for my ego!



  119.  #119DE on August 18, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    Luzydel #117:

    U said: ‘I dont know, I am just expressing what is bothering me so it goes away fast and I can keep on moving…”

    U are not addressing the feeling behind u statement “he wanted to make me feel bad”…the feeling good be : “hmm…i don’t feel good with him …or hearing this…i feel defensive…i feel closed off maybe? turned off?…etc…

    When we make statements as such…we don’t take responsibility for our feelings…reading it.. i hear u “he is responsible for my feelings”…which is not true…

    warm hugs,



  120.  #120Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    RE 122 Susan reading “I am not beautiful” feels like someone threw a brick in my chest.



  121.  #121Mel on August 18, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    So what does it mean if a guy texts you little tidbits and stays in touch after a date?

    Bee Sting Coffee Guy sends me a little message every day… yesterday he said he found an item for his classroom that we had talked about (he’s a teacher). Today he said he bought some raw honey.

    I always respond pleasantly, warmly and naturally. I’m curious to see if he will ask me out again.

    In the meantime, I’m actually overwhelmed with date requests. I’m having to schedule them quite a bit in advance. As I’m getting ready to move soon, I don’t have a whole lot of time. Perhaps I should have waited until I moved to start this. LOL!

    Rori’s article is great. So very important not to get my energy wrapped around one guy. I am enjoying the practice. I’m trying not to take myself too seriously, and when I catch myself thinking: “but what if he doesn’t like the photo I just sent?” or “what if he doesn’t like me when we meet in person?” then I remind myself that there’s always another one to take his place!!



  122.  #122Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Mel no need to wait. If nothing else you get a chance to practice expressing, putting yourself first and seeing that you are in high demand.



  123.  #123Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    RE 125 Maybe you were able to speak bee sting guys “language” so he is still attracted.



  124.  #124Susan on August 18, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    124: Femininewoman

    I’m curious… Why would my self assessment make you feel like someone threw a brick in your chest? The statement was about me and only me…

    I know I am not beautiful. I’m not ugly either. One thing I know for sure is that I am attractive (because I ATTRACT men!)



  125.  #125Mel on August 18, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    BeeSting guy is pretty cool. Everything seemed so effortless with him.



  126.  #126AmazingMe on August 18, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    I AM BEAUTIFUL, even with my sun poisoning and toothache swollen face..uggh 🙂



  127.  #127Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    Susan I guess it was because I used to feel the same way about myself. Now that I have flipped that thought and started practicing telling myself that I am beautiful it seems that my looks have actually changed and I have men telling me that I am beautiful. I feel compassion for women who say they are not beautiful now. I believe we are all beautiful.



  128.  #128Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Mel you reminded me of Rori’s Effortless Tool. I use it all the time now even when I am exercising and it makes such a difference in my mental state and results.



  129.  #129tinque on August 18, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    Mel – What’s up with the bug bites? Are they catching? Woke up this morning with a very painful, red, swollen under the eyebrousch.

    I don’t think it’s a bee though. I’m pretty sure I would have noticed, but they have set up house in the fins and trunk of our ’54 Cadillac. sigh.

    xxoo



  130.  #130Susan on August 18, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    131: Femininewoman

    Oh, okay. I think I understand.

    This has been my experience over this past year: When I’ve been tired and overwhelmed and lonely, I have looked in the mirror and have seen an aging woman. When I am CDing (even if only with myself) I start to notice a glow and I think the glow is beautiful. When Rori’s tools encouraged my man to become more attentive than any man has ever been to me, my looks started to physically change. I’m not sure if he caused the change or if I did, but many people have commented to me that I look wonderful. They also say I look happy. The effect even shows up in photographs and people I haven’t seen in years who see these photographs remark on how I look different and even ask if I’ve had ‘work’ done. I just laugh. I think being happy increases a person’s attractiveness. I’m also realistic enough to know that no one will mistake me for a model, LOL! I dun care. I’m comfortable with the skin I’m in.



  131.  #131Plum on August 18, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    76: Senior Lady Vibe

    Thank you for the movie title “sliding doors”. I had never heard of it.
    I searched and found it here:
    http://www.youtube.com/user/meowsha#p/u/9/wZT1B43loR0
    I enjoyed it.

    About the clay, yes you can keep it in your fridge as long as you wish.
    May be you might want to buy the clay in hyper ventilated powder. It keeps for ever.
    The paste tube is only the “ready to use” version, which is 53% clay and 47% water. When you buy the powder version, you can do the mixture yourself every time you want some.

    The American site I gave you the other day, was created because a French naturopath and her friends decided to import into the USA from France the right type of clay, seeing it is very difficult to find in the USA.

    Here I am pasting for you another American site.
    http://www.frenchclayforall.com/humans.html
    It is also about a French person who leanrt to use clay as a child in France and is now working with horses in the USA. Of course he treats them with clay. He also wants people to get the right clay and sells it on his site.

    His site is not finished but you can treat your fishes, birds, cats, dogs, plants with clay 🙂

    Anyhow I think his “how to” for humans are clear enough for beginners and his explanations as why it works corresponds to where sciences is at the moment. We still don’t really know about clay. But Hospitals are coming back to using it externally and internally.

    One thing is sure, clay has never hurt anybody. It is the only “medicine” that recognizes the elements that kill you and it traps them and pulls them out of your body, also killing the bacteria. And it does not kill the good bacteria, never interferes with the natural functions of our organism. It does not have side effects.
    Clay is alive and smart. Well, of course it is, as clay is the origin of life 🙂

    xxx



  132.  #132Plum on August 18, 2011 at 7:43 pm

    Of horses, trust and love 🙂
    Beautiful !
    http://www.youtube.com/user/ferwerderadiel#p/u/15/i6vSvOw-4U4

    xxx



  133.  #133Plum on August 18, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    76 SLV

    lol I put 2 links in my comment so it got stuck in moderation
    I’ll break it into 2 parts

    Thank you for the movie title “sliding doors”. I had never heard of it.
    I searched and found it here:
    http://www.youtube.com/user/meowsha#p/u/9/wZT1B43loR0
    I enjoyed it.

    xxx



  134.  #134Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    In all my programs, you’ll find many Tools to help you be “Present,” and I’ll give you a new one here I created to help myself when I was walking this morning. Let’s call it NONSENSE.

    The idea here is to combat your “thinking” with gibberish, gobbledygook, nonsense syllables and sounds. It’s like an “interrupt” – where your brain doesn’t get to spit out a whole sentence.

    Try it like this:

    1. Let’s say you’re standing on the street, walking, and you’re lost in thought.

    2. Let’s say you can actually HEAR that voice in your head describing something, or figuring something out, or asking questions of your man.

    3. Now – the moment you NOTICE your brain running on and on, just start throwing in some Nonsense – like “zzzzz,xfy,anamomojrrr” – anything that doesn’t require THOUGHT (you’ll see if you try it – it’s easy and sort of effortless).

    4. Within seconds, you’ll feel yourself relax. You may smile and get your sense of humor back.

    5. And in those few seconds, you’ll feel a connection with what’s really there – the tree, the coffee house chair, the wrapper on the sidewalk, the face of the person walking toward
    you….

    6. Now – try it with a man! If you’re having dinner with him, and you’re feeling flooded with thoughts – start the nonsense going. You might laugh! You’ll feel lighter, ore spontaneous, more confident – sillier. Just a few seconds here and there will help you tremendously.

    Once you’ve experienced the suspension of your thought in the midst of all the nonsense sounds – you’ll love that feeling.

    You can see how my Tool of “Circular Dating” makes his work so well and easily: The more men you come in contact with, the more opportunities you have to practice Nonsense with, and the more men you’ll start automatically CONNECTING with, and so you’ll have SO MANY men to CHOOSE from!



  135.  #135Plum on August 18, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    SLV

    About the clay, yes you can keep it in your fridge as long as you wish.
    May be you might want to buy the clay in hyper ventilated powder. It keeps for ever.
    The paste tube is only the “ready to use” version, which is 53% clay and 47% water. When you buy the powder version, you can do the mixture yourself every time you want some.

    The American site I gave you the other day, was created because a French naturopath and her friends decided to import into the USA from France the right type of clay, seeing it is very difficult to find in the USA.

    Here I am pasting for you another American site.
    http://www.frenchclayforall.com/humans.html
    It is also about a French person who leanrt to use clay as a child in France and is now working with horses in the USA. Of course he treats them with clay. He also wants people to get the right clay and sells it on his site.

    His site is not finished but you can treat your fishes, birds, cats, dogs, plants with clay 🙂

    Anyhow I think his “how to” for humans are clear enough for beginners and his explanations as why it works corresponds to where sciences is at the moment. We still don’t really know about clay. But Hospitals are coming back to using it externally and internally.

    One thing is sure, clay has never hurt anybody. It is the only “medicine” that recognizes the elements that kill you and it traps them and pulls them out of your body, also killing the bacteria. And it does not kill the good bacteria, never interferes with the natural functions of our organism. It does not have side effects.
    Clay is alive and smart. Well, of course it is, as clay is the origin of life 🙂

    xxx



  136.  #136luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    123: DE

    Thanks, I get what you are saying…

    I feel turned off…I was open to get to know him and see how it coul’ve gone. I was not going head over heels or becoming needy at all. But since his first “attitude” problem and now this out of nowhere response, I feel empty and “gone”…I have nothing to say to him any more, I learned something new again…



  137.  #137luzydel on August 18, 2011 at 8:07 pm

    This has happened to me a few times with other men…
    I had a guy last year when I fisrt started to come here… He acted very arrogant and said he felt we had nothing in common…I said ok no problem,,,then 2 months later he saw me online and wrote me an email saying…”I made a mistake, I would like you to give me another chance”…i did not respond, a few weeks ago this same guy wrote to me again…I am like “why does he want to see me again, when he felt no connection?”…This is something I don’t get…the “I want you, now go away” attitude some men have. I am a yes or no kind of person…



  138.  #138Femininewoman on August 18, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    So here’s a new Tool: EFFORTLESS

    1. START BY LOOKING AROUND THE ROOM, wherever you are.

    2. CATCH YOUR THOUGHTS that are going through your mind.

    If you’re in the kitchen, the thought might be “gotta clean up the dishes,” if you’re in the bedroom, it could be “I wish my man was here,” if you’re at work, it could be “Oh, look at that stack of papers on my desk!”

    3. NOW, CATCH YOUR FEELINGS.

    You may have felt your body sort of JUMP.

    You may have felt a sinking feeling, or maybe even a happy feeling if you’re looking at a favorite piece of jewelry or a stack of papers on your desk that are finished and ready to go out.

    4. NOW, CATCH YOUR URGE TO DO SOMETHING.

    Can you feel your shoulders go up, your heart Mjump forward?

    Perhaps you feel your legs start to carry you across the room to ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING.

    Or, if it’s a sinking feeling, perhaps your legs want to carry you AWAY from where you are – to something that will distract you.

    5. NOW, STAND PERFECTLY STILL. DON’T MOVE.

    6. NOW, SAY TO YOURSELF – “Yes! I can DO something!” (But DON’T MOVE.)

    7. NOW, SAY TO YOURSELF – “But right this moment I don’t have to do anything.”

    8. SAY IT AGAIN – “I DON’T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING.”

    9. NOW ROCK YOURSELF, BACK AND FORTH.

    Rock slowly and easily, imagining yourself secured to the floor.

    Bend your knees a bit, until you feel easily balanced over your feet, as though no bones or muscles in your body need to hold you up.

    Breathe slowly, in and out, take your time.

    10.NOW, SAY, OUT LOUD IF YOU CAN, “THIS IS EFFORTLESS.”

    Release your pelvis. Imagine you weigh practically nothing, and you’re just standing there balanced over your feet.

    And that’s it!

    Try this often throughout the day.

    Tell yourself things are “Effortless.”

    When you’re with your man, tell yourself that the relationship is Effortless.



  139.  #139Betty on August 18, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    Go Jessica! It feels really good to read this!



  140.  #140Starla on August 18, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    feeling pressure to shrink all tiny
    feeling self conscious about my good fortune and prosperity and positive, healthy attitude
    hearing NV’s that say i’m so annoying and how could i be so optimistic when the economy is so sh*tty

    sending NV’s into corner with cookies. yummy. my positive attitude feels GOOD.

    if i feel so uncomfortable and unworthy, it’s probably because i’m doing something right. hehe.



  141.  #141Tmizz on August 18, 2011 at 9:46 pm

    English Woman (from previous thread) – yes! it’s the smart-a$# thing! Totally. I’m trying/hoping to tone that down a little bit..hehe. But I still like being a smart-a$$ sometimes. I think I’m just an attention-whore 😉



  142.  #142Tmizz on August 18, 2011 at 9:53 pm

    Ladies, I just watched the most ridiculous movie – PCU. It is a silly, silly movie. All about kids, partying in college, but there’s a really great Siren moment. Basically, there is this feminist group that is picketing the “penis party.” However, the wom(y)n get sucked into the party, and this one guy offers one of the women a beer. The other woman scoffs, until the guy goes off and gets her a beer. And then she says:

    “Wait. You mean it’s like, if you’re nice to them, then they bring you stuff?”



  143.  #143Tmizz on August 18, 2011 at 9:59 pm

    Alias Girl –

    I read this from you in the previous thread… You wrote a lot, but something stuck out to me about seeing patterns in what’s showing up for you. I don’t think that’s how you worded it, but for you it was guys hanging up on you and feeling invisible.

    I totally get that. I was recently just observing to a friend that i seemed to have a “two-date limit.” That is, lately, my CDs have been really great dates for a bout two dates. And that’s it. Nothing goes wrong, particularly. I’m not chasing them down. It just goes to two dates, and that’s it.

    So of course I look inside, and I’m wondering, what is it about me right now that is only letting me go out with these guys for two dates? I still don’t have my answer yet. But at least it’s interesting to wonder what I might find out…and meanwhile keeping my eyes and ears open, and trying not to freak out.

    Maybe I’m panicked that they won’t want me after 2 dates, and the fear is driving them away. Maybe it’s that I’ve already decided I don’t want them – but I still want them to want me. Who knows.

    Anyway, that’s all. I keep leaving my comments in bunches.

    And I’ll probably disappear again when my schedule gets too busy. But it’s always nice to know I can come back here to the blog for support when I need it 🙂

    xoxoxo



  144.  #144DE on August 18, 2011 at 10:10 pm

    Luzydel:

    u said “I am a yes or no kind of person…”…

    how would it feel to be a “i don’t know” kind of person?

    warm hugs,



  145.  #145DE on August 18, 2011 at 10:19 pm

    Hmm…An “I don’t know” kind of statement…feels like endless possibilities to me 🙂 I feel excited and sure curious to find out 🙂



  146.  #146English Woman on August 18, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    #38 Ella

    Sounds like a right nutter LOL!! Mind you I did laught out loud at this one:

    Something terrible happened last night,I got in drunk and accidently
    put the cat in the washing machine,but at least it died in Comfort

    😀



  147.  #147alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    #146 Tmizz aw. i feel touched.

    yes, cding is great therapy huh?

    i feel curious about your two date ceiling. how do you feel about those date only being two? how did you feel on the dates?

    what is your happy ever after?



  148.  #148alias girl on August 18, 2011 at 10:49 pm

    i’ve got OPTIONS popping up all over the place!!! YES! YES! OPTIONS!!!!!! FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT I FEEL EXCITED ABOUT!!!!!!!



  149.  #149English Woman on August 18, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    384 SLV

    Love it LOL!!! Though I sure wouldn’t look as cute.
    😀



  150.  #150English Woman on August 18, 2011 at 11:52 pm

    Oops #84 SLV



  151.  #151English Woman on August 19, 2011 at 12:00 am

    #98 Daria

    Wow I am impressed by your insight on smart a$$ quips, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to give this up as it is part of who I have always been (maybe a cultural thing too) but I can see what you mean soooo clearly now. Yes, I have been using it in a masculine way and in some ways it has been a way of shielding my vulnerability, kind of like I can outsmart you…………and men do seem to respond to it, but as you say like buddies or friends………mmmmm…..thank you for posting this answer to me, I will work on shaping it in a more feminine way (somehow!!).



  152.  #152mary on August 19, 2011 at 1:44 am

    alias girl!

    that’s awesome!

    you must feel like you won the lottery!

    !!! ? !



  153.  #153RiverGirl on August 19, 2011 at 2:14 am

    57: Ella says:
    Can see I am going to get to practice outgirling here…

    Ella, I had a very interesting time outgirling today. I got a contact request from a guy which I accepted even though from his profile he didn’t sound like someone I would be particularly interested in. He started an IM chat and it was going veeery slowly. I was thinking this is going to be really good leaning back practise for me. Finally he started to tell me about his shopping trip, and how he bought a hot pink handbag and got french tips on his nails! Any wonder he was being so feminine energy!! He was a gay guy into cross dressing! I had to let him down gently. He was such a sweet guy and he had just got his settings wrong and didn’t read my profile properly (I also have hidden photos). Thought I was a gay guy too. Ooops!



  154.  #154Violet on August 19, 2011 at 2:31 am

    Hello Sirs and Sirens!

    @ 12. I really hadn’t thought of having an erotic attraction to my best friends. That’s a new one to me.

    On another note: I feel as if I’m developing this ‘sense’ about men. It’s difficult to explain because of it being a ‘sense’. It’s like having radar for men that are ‘players’.

    I think it’s a vibe they give off in their words, actions, and expressions. Their eyes are looking around, it’s like their scanning the landscape for possible pursuits, they are extremely non-commital in conversation, It’s like they will purposefully use words to keep themselves distant.

    ////////////////////////////////////////////////////
    I’m not sure who it was on this blog that ‘said’ this. I
    wholeheartedly agree that leaning back is the best tool I’ve learned.

    There are other tools that I am incorporating… These seem to take getting used. I believe repetiveness is the key to making it stick.

    The results are well worth the effort because I know for a fact that I don’t want to chase any man. It feels wonderful to lean back and let them do all the work.

    I’ve had several men ask me what they can do to help me in a particular situation. I really think men need that sense of being a provider. It goes directly back to cave men days when they all went out hunting dinosaurs to provide for their mate. hahaha

    Okay, Mr Cave Man. Me, Violet. You go hunt down some nice food and beverages and I’ll gladly reciprocate with praise and a smile. hahaha

    Take it easy and stay cool!

    ~ Violet ~



  155.  #155Esteemed on August 19, 2011 at 3:08 am

    I feel so peaceful having R back in my life! Aaaah! All is right in my world.



  156.  #156Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:15 am

    I feel validated scared and excited reading this post!

    Thanks Siren who shared it with me!

    The Quiet Theory of Influence

    Post written by Leo Babauta.
    Most online marketing people will teach you how to use social media to reach a larger audience, how to use email lists and the scarcity principle and social proof, how to create authority, how to effectively convert pageviews into sales.
    Most marketers, online or off, are full of it.
    Converting visitors into buyers is a soul-less use of your creative energy. Reject it, out of hand.
    I find more value in creating something of value. I find influence a better metric than sales or traffic or reader numbers.
    And I’ve learned something that the screaming marketers will never tell you: instead of screaming, prefer quiet.
    When everyone yells “Look at me!”, become quiet.
    When others seek attention, turn your attention inward.
    When everyone wants pageviews and sales, be valuable.
    When others try to pull visitors to their sites, let people find you themselves.
    When most blogs have popups and drop-downs urging readers to subscribe to their newsletters, get out of your readers’ way.
    When others brag of their success, let others laud you instead.
    When others cling greedily to copyrights, give your work away.
    When others use goals to drive themselves to change the world, learn to be content, and people will ask to learn your secrets.
    I’ve found all of the above to be true. When you’ve created something of real value, you don’t need to do any marketing, spend any money on advertising, or push people to subscribe.
    People will find you, and they’ll think you’re so great they want to tell their friends about it. Your readers will become your marketers. Your value will become your advertising budget.
    Imagine owning a muffin shop. If the muffins are commonplace, you’ll have to advertise and do some “guerilla marketing” to get customers. But if your muffins make people roll their eyes in ecstasy, they will tell the world of your deliciousness, and the world will pound on your muffin-scented door.
    Become quiet, find contentedness, become valuable. These trump marketing every time, and as you learn to listen to your inner music, you can now ignore the marketers hawking their oils of snakedness.



  157.  #157Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:16 am

    the difference for me is… i will brag brag brag of my success and my experiences that feel good! yes!!! 😀



  158.  #158RiverGirl on August 19, 2011 at 3:23 am

    @ 158
    Esteemed, you sound great! Feels good when the lovin’ is easy doesn’t it?



  159.  #159Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:31 am

    Violet – take another babystep into your feelings…

    go past what you sense (judgement, and no, it’s not always true – except your thoughts and energy may make it manifest so!) about a man… and go to what you FEEL in his presence

    for me, I feel bad and not paid attention to when a man is looking around the room…

    i feel kind of unsettled…

    try to drop all judgements about the other and bring it back to yourself and what you feel again and again



  160.  #160Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:32 am

    I even feel lonely on a deep level… and insecure!



  161.  #161Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:34 am

    English Woman – yes i have noticed I still joking and teasing … but i do it with awareness now…

    i might be playful and say something silly, but watching myself to that im not “competing”

    and when i do catch myself competing, i gently stop and share a feeling message instead



  162.  #162Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:37 am

    Susan – yay for you doing the tools!



  163.  #163Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:39 am

    FW – thank you so much for sharing about the brick thrown on your chest

    i often feel awful reading some judgements made about oneself or others but was not find the words to express it non-blaming/critically

    this is an awesome example and i feel lit up and like i got a key to expression

    thank u



  164.  #164Senior Lady Vibe on August 19, 2011 at 3:42 am

    @101: Daria says:
    “…i apologize slv about the womanly mention/quip…”

    No need for an apology for mentioning “womanly.” I’ve become comfortable with that word; it suits me. I like it. It’s something my father would say about me, did say. Although if you are asserting that my post/s or things I say are meant to one-up or harm anyone, you are wrong about that.

    “…then i felt defensive and i thought “ok I’ll smash her!…”

    Are you saying you attempted to belittle what I posted? Hmm, OK, I see now. Are you thinking that Rori wants or expects you to “smash” people that disagree with her in the slightest way? Or even in the biggest way? I don’t get that from anything I’ve read from Rori.

    It’s very possible that some things I post won’t agree with Rori on every word she says. So what? There’s no reason they should; I’m not a Rori clone. There are also other people who don’t agree with everything Rori says, including other coaches Rori has repeatedly invited to guest post on her blog.

    And everyday, for all the months I’ve been here, blog comments appear that contain content scraped from other coaches’s newsletters and blog posts, some of which don’t agree with Rori either.

    If you consider all alternate points of view are directed toward you as “pokes” you are off base. I don’t think that is what’s happening. Those other posters are not thinking about you at all; they are only posting what is true for them, as I do.

    I haven’t seen you post about wanting to “smash” all such posters. Are you asking me to believe this is what you plan to do everyday? “Smash” EVERYONE you perceive as not thinking exactly like Rori? As if you were the “Rori warrior thought policegirl?”

    If that were true, it would be extremely aggressive and challenging. But you are not being honest here. You are singling me out for your expressed thoughts of “smashing.”

    I don’t have much to say at the moment about images of your mother, except I am a mother but I’m not your mother. There is some ill will toward your mother that you misdirect toward me and you have done it before, usually with some sort of apology, professed misunderstanding or so-called “riffing” stuck in the middle as you continue on. It’s not very nice and certainly not insightful to your situation. Knock it off.



  165.  #165Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:50 am

    what was my dream? hmm i am forgetting…

    i know at the end i think i was thinking/dreaming about Guywho

    and i had this line “i was down for you like earth to heaven”

    ok well i actualy WOKE up to write it down

    it felt great but now im like wait im practicing having heaven on earth

    hahaht that could be sexual lol



  166.  #166Daria on August 19, 2011 at 4:01 am

    Hey Slv – just scrolled up, and i felt kinda scared reading a tiny bit of your post that i caught, something about you havent read from me about wanting to smash other posters

    yes its true my energy/thought process – though it didn’t exactly say “im going to SMASH”

    was pretty much just that “i will smash” ” i will come out stronger”

    yes I admit my mind gets triggered and wants to attack this way

    and i feel defensive

    All humans are capable of such inner reactions

    and i’m choosing to be honest about it here

    GRRR feeling defensive

    not gonna read the rest of the post

    apology for quipping still stands,

    feeling angry feeling tight in my tummy

    rarrgh

    i love my hot angry energy

    tighten my tummy flowing up hot

    making my face feel tight and numb and frowny

    yum

    sigh

    i lovr my sigh i love my feelings

    i feel SCARED

    i wish i could get a great big wind and W?OOOSH you away

    and im gonna be here and heal

    i can do the nonsense
    post

    ajflkjalkdjff gookaboodle lhehheh hehehe

    hehe

    gasps

    i love my buffs out my nose

    its ok to be scared daria

    i L?OVE your fear

    now i am gigllging

    that feels awaesome

    feeling tight around my throat

    feeling shakky all through my arms

    feeling pinched in my liver

    i love my pinch i love my shaky

    i love this blog and all its healing opportunities yes yes yes!!!

    boobellley booo bah

    hallgghh

    haffttoofffahhh

    fafafarrrlooolllll

    sigh

    i feel SAD

    i want to feel LOVED

    taking personally someones trigger

    mmm

    ok inner bonding

    this is not about me

    i love me though i luuuuv me

    i feel sad sinky sad pouty

    ok maybe it IS about me cuz i said triggering things

    but i was practicing being honest

    yes and i will get amazing at it and it will all be healing and i love me

    i love it

    i will get to where i don’t take it personally on a deep level

    sigh oh that feels good

    googlyboohaahaerrrooomacgoooseceollloliyyboombooms

    fear!

    i love my fear and anxiety

    omgosh i want my inner lil girl that feels so small to feel big

    like i was 400 pounds and super powerful tooo and not pushed around

    wee

    that would feel cool

    i would feel safe

    mmft

    or not

    i love my heart

    soooo vulnerable

    i love you silly billy

    shoulers heavy

    sinking tight in tummy

    inking face

    huhhummm

    i love my sinking sadness

    well DARIA I LOVE YYOU

    lil girl i love you

    and i love your heart

    and i love your frustration adn your feeling dismissive

    and your feeling lonely and pushed away and rejected and just unloved

    i lovee your unloved feelings



  167.  #167Daria on August 19, 2011 at 4:10 am

    aha this is my fight/flight/freeze triple warmer thing

    right now i am in flight

    and fight too i feel like running

    yes i can do something

    but i dont have to do anything

    i dont have to do anything

    hmmm

    air just buffawas out my nose and i feel amused and giglling

    it kinda feels like excitement

    i love my excited bubbly feelings

    weee now i feel giddy in my chest jsut like i do when i talk to a man and it feels intense

    hehehehe

    my mom asked me what i was laughing about

    * i sensed her attention and felt scared*

    and then i was able to share what i was doing

    which is engaging and focusing my mind on my body sensations so my body could relax and release tension

    like a meditation

    weee

    go Daria go!!!

    Dariaaaa rocks!!!!



  168.  #168Jade on August 19, 2011 at 4:15 am

    I feel good having F back into my life.

    I didn’t have to riff.

    I didn’t have to lean backward.

    In fact, I leaned forward.

    I “chased” him and he came back.

    I don’t regret it.

    Au contraire…

    I feel fulfilled.

    Sometimes, going at your own pace is the best way to go.

    Sometimes, listening to your instincts and doing what YOU feel is right is the best way to go.

    Not always, maybe, but sometimes, it works.

    I wish everyone would feel how I feel.

    Peace and love.



  169.  #169Senior Lady Vibe on August 19, 2011 at 4:18 am

    @136: Plum says:

    I’m glad you liked the movie…it’s unusual. And gets one thinking about the steps we take in life and how accidental stuff changes things too. I might meet my future husband simply by going to some event I didn’t want to attend but a friend dragged me… LOL 😆

    I think I’ll order the DVD again; it’s been a few years since I last saw that movie.

    I can’t see what’s in the vid link, I’ll have to wait a few days to catch up on videos… tech problems.

    @138: Plum says:
    “…About the clay, yes you can keep it in your fridge as long as you wish.
    …Here I am pasting for you another American site.
    http://www.frenchclayforall.com/humans.html …”

    Thanks for following up. I went Internet surfing for the clay right after you mentioned it. I looked over the Argiletz site and also found a few others. There are a lot of different healing clays!

    After I thought about it for a while I remember using some clay masks (a long, long time ago) and I think they were from a French cosmetics company I used to order from. The masks were made from fine clay powder and water added to make a paste. The “active clay” was supposed to help remove dead skin cells from outer surface of face. I don’t remember what else it was supposed to do or how well it worked but in those long ago days just about any attention to face gave good results… 😀

    There’s a specialty drugstore in my city that has a lot of unusual items, many French ones. I’ll check if there is green clay. I’d like a tube if I can find it.

    Thanks,

    xoxo



  170.  #170Senior Lady Vibe on August 19, 2011 at 4:46 am

    @154: English Woman says:
    “…smart a$$ quips, there is a part of me that doesn’t want to give this up as it is part of who I have always been (maybe a cultural thing too) but I can see what you mean soooo clearly now.
    …I will work on shaping it in a more feminine way (somehow!!)…”

    What kind of “smartassery” do you have in mind? Could you give an example? And maybe an example of what it would be after you changed yourself. It would be interesting to see how it works out.

    😀

    xoxo



  171.  #171Daria on August 19, 2011 at 4:46 am

    I LOVE THIS!

    GO CHERRY!!

    http://cherrynorris.com/marry-you-you-havent-even-met-him/

    Lorenzo and I are back from Puerto Vallarta where we had an absolute Dream Vacation!

    When Lorenzo courted me, he came on pretty strong. Men do that when they’re really into you.

    Sometimes it can feel overwhelming. Sometimes you’re note sure what his motives are.

    Especially when he writes something like “Marry Me?” or “Hello Gorgeous, wanna meet me for a drink” as first time communication … when he hasn’t even met you!

    Seriously? WTF is he thinking?

    Today’s video tells you what’s happenin’ in his head and how to respond to “crazy communication” on line.

    See why I say “BRAVO!” to the woman who asks the question. She’s doing something AMAZINGLY right …

    Something you definitely want to do to meet your man!

    Enjoy. Leave me a comment and have a great day!

    Love,
    Cherry

    P.S. Watch Now to see what to do when a man’s “on his knees” for you … before he’s even met you!



  172.  #172Emoticon on August 19, 2011 at 5:30 am

    Oh yes Daria I needed that one. I was feeling a little uneasy about the way guys would propose marriage or buy me things like jewellry b4 the first date. I think I only told you guys about the one who said he loves me during our first private full-blown conversation. Its all very flattering. But i guess only time can tell if theyre serious



  173.  #173Maria on August 19, 2011 at 5:38 am

    I can very much relate to Jessica’s story and to the stories of many women on this site. A little over a year ago, I finally experienced what it feels like to fall in love. It felt so wonderful and magical. Coming out of a verbally abusive relationship with a man who constantly told me how unattractive and fat I was, I never thought that a decent guy would ever even notice me. But one did – not only was he a decent, educated guy, he was also very attractive. I could not believe that he wanted to go out with me. As wonderful as it was, my low self-esteem, my own fears, unhealed scars from my past relationship took over me, that I could not be myself around this man I was in love with. I did not realize it until after he broke up with me that, I was never “real” with me. I was so nervous and scared that if he saw who and how I really was, he would leave. It didn’t work out anyway. I regret so much that I wasn’t “real” with him, that I did no trust him or myself enough to just be myself around him. At least, if he rejected me, he rejected the real me as opposed to the “cosmetic” version of me. If I was myself around him, I could at least say to myself that it really was not going to work because he could not accept the real me. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of accepting and loving ourselves the way we are right now as we do circular dating. If you are the authentic version of yourself, at the very least, you are more relaxed when you are with someone as you don’t need to pretend to be someone “you think” they would like. I cannot really help but regret that I did not allow him to get to know the real me. I think he would have liked the real me better than the fake me I assumed he would like. I hope this helps. Love to everyone!



  174.  #174luzydel on August 19, 2011 at 5:42 am

    I did did something out of my comfort zone today…

    Last night a guy was sending me many pictures and I was feeling overwhelemed. I silenced my celle phone and went to sleep.

    This morning I txt him and told him…”I appreciate the attention, but I do not feel comfortable receiving so many unrequesting pictures. I want to meet people on a more personal level.”

    I have an “avoidant” personality attitude, When I don’t feel comfortable, I avoid the situation and any confrontation, but this morning I wanted to let it out and see.

    His answer?

    “so would you like to have dinner with me?”

    🙂



  175.  #175Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 5:46 am

    Daria..thanks for posting Cherry’s piece on saying thank you to a man who is coming on strong with words like “marry me”….or even “I’m crazy about you” when you first meet him……

    I’m wondering also sirens….I love the idea of circular dating…”dating” everyone and every man that comes along as practice in self love and nurturing ourselves and our siren feminine qualities daily…….

    but I am wondering if commitment with a man, an eventual exclusive relationship with a man has to mean “marriage” in the traditional sense of the word…..does it depend on age? culture? needs and personal preferences? can a couple be exclusive to each other and mutually committed with several outer signs of that but not actually have a traditional marriage, wedding, legally binding piece of paper…..what are you thoughts on this…….for me I’m not so sure I want a traditional marriage again….but committed exclusive relationship with the right man yes………

    how do you all feel about this idea? what do you think?



  176.  #176Plum on August 19, 2011 at 5:47 am

    177: luzydel

    😉
    🙂

    xxx



  177.  #177Emoticon on August 19, 2011 at 5:53 am

    Awesome Luzydel. BOUNDARIES!!!



  178.  #178Plum on August 19, 2011 at 6:09 am

    Cherry Norris has been one of the many guest posters here on Rori’s blog.
    She is the movie director of “Duty dating” made in 2002. It is a story she imagined based on Dr Pat Allen’s theory of dating at least 3 and all that.
    You can buy the movie on Dr Pat Allen’s site
    http://www.drpatallen.com/dutydating.shtml

    You also can take a glimpse of it on youtube.

    xxx



  179.  #180Daria on August 19, 2011 at 6:09 am

    yay LUZYDEL ! fantastic for expressing yourself! yay and wow what a cool response! weeee



  180.  #181Plum on August 19, 2011 at 6:09 am

    She is cited among the customers feed back
    http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/rori-raye.html

    xxx



  181.  #182Plum on August 19, 2011 at 6:10 am


  182.  #183Emoticon on August 19, 2011 at 6:11 am

    Sirens i think one of my CDs is mad that he’s not the only one. How do i deal with this? Do I keep him in my rotation or not? What do i say??



  183.  #184Daria on August 19, 2011 at 6:12 am

    i am chatting with this guy who is SO not my type that i felt FREAKEd at first seeing his photo but i just decided to talk to him anyway and i feel all giddy doing this hahahaha

    woo gooo meeee



  184.  #185Daria on August 19, 2011 at 6:14 am

    Emoticon – good! yes that’s GOOD if they’re mad

    yes you keep him unless he drops himself out

    you say the no gf speech

    i don’t want to be a gf… i want to be married and i don’t want to be exclusive until it feels serious… like a proposal and ring…



  185.  #186Daria on August 19, 2011 at 6:18 am

    Patricia – that’s wonderful! it’s about what YOU want … yay!

    for me marriage means exclusive lifetime relationship — i don’t really see the whole legal/paper part of it in my world —

    and talking to ladies here ive noticed a lot of women not feeling comfortable with it due to legal stuff, paper stuff

    to me… sometimes i feel triggered… it seems there might be something to heal there..

    but i’ve never thought of marriage in regards to that…

    i always had Robin Hood in the woods type of marriages in mind

    and i Do want marriage yes yes yes



  186.  #187Emoticon on August 19, 2011 at 6:19 am

    Thanx Daria.
    He did tell me he wanted 2 marry me. Reminds me everyday actually. He could tell I am a little unsure so he said “I’m not scared if ure not”. I’m still unsure, although that is what I want (marriage and all that jazz) I dont want to feel rushed. He is a great guy though!



  187.  #188Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 6:24 am

    Emoticon I would tell him I feel flattered and totally turned on by him (if you are) but I want to take my time until I feel totally comfortable within myself about the decision. You are young and have a lot of time of your hands to make that decision.



  188.  #189Emoticon on August 19, 2011 at 6:31 am

    Thank You. I’m definitely not ready to take that step with him yet. If he still can’t understand that, then i guess he is dropping himself out of my rotation. *Kanye shrug* I like him but I’m okay with that too!



  189.  #190Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 6:32 am

    Luzydel just want to give you some feedback from my perspective. If you don’t want it please ignore.

    I feel so proud reading that. The energy behind your words feel less forceful than I initially felt when you started posting. I have to admit that I “thought” you were also jaded but the last couple of postings that experience seemed to have lessened for me. This comment about the pictures seem soft and warm so I wanted to encourage you to focus on melting when responding to these guys to see if you could create more sireness.

    Just my thoughts…



  190.  #191Susan on August 19, 2011 at 6:44 am

    178: Patricia says:

    “I am wondering if commitment with a man, an eventual exclusive relationship with a man has to mean “marriage” in the traditional sense of the word…..does it depend on age? culture? needs and personal preferences? can a couple be exclusive to each other and mutually committed with several outer signs of that but not actually have a traditional marriage, wedding, legally binding piece of paper…..”

    Patricia, I also am not interested in marriage. I’ve gotten to the age where marriage muddies inheritance expectations and reduces my personal retirement reimbursement. It is self protective for me to not marry, but I do want love and commitment.



  191.  #192Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Susan
    I appreciate your thoughts….I feel relieved to hear them….probably because I was raised in such a traditional white anglo saxon roman catholic home these ideas of marriage feel burned into my psyche sometimes…..I was married for 12 years, separated for another 3 until the divorce went through and when I think of marriage in that way again I think of being put in a box with a ceiling on it,….ball and chained….my free spirit quashed and held by reins…..again only my experience and perhaps with the wrong man anyway………

    A new relationship that I have been in (and circular dating lightly with other men and friends (no sex in these ones)) seems to be feeling very right, spiritually connected, emotionally open and healthy and a part of me wants to avoid falling into old stereotypes of what it should and shouldn’t be….and he feels similarly……..letting it unfold naturally to whatever it might be………..I am in my late 40s, he is in his early 50s…both well traveled, close to our families…me with growing children (teens) he with one young man as a son…..he never married……….I feel so much openness to this kind of relationship without the binding of traditional ties, legalities (as you mention Daria…paperwork…lol) and financial rules…etc……

    would love to see relationships as being more dynamic, able to grow……..come alive……letting love be the guide not traditional rules or expectations……



  192.  #193Ella on August 19, 2011 at 6:55 am

    Commitment can be anything that feels commited to you. Most women say marrieage but for some it could be co-habiting or even agreeing to an exclusive, forever relationship.

    xoxoxo



  193.  #194T-Girl on August 19, 2011 at 7:16 am

    178 Patricia,

    Committment to me doesn’t mean marriage either. Even Rori says in Modern Siren I believe, that “the ring” could be what your definition is such as marriage, living together, being exclusive, even buying a boat together.

    There are many sirens on here that don’t want to be married. For me, somedays I feel like I don’t ever want to get married again, some days I feel the opposite and can envision myself getting married barefoot on a beach.

    I fully believe that a couple can be committed to each other and mutually exclusively without the ring or living together. Besides, you need that time to find out if you do want to spend the rest of your life with that person anyway.



  194.  #195T-Girl on August 19, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Patricia – I love what you said here:

    “would love to see relationships as being more dynamic, able to grow……..come alive……letting love be the guide not traditional rules or expectations”

    I love the feeling of my relationship growing. That is what gives me the tingles and the butterflies and the excitement of seeing my guy if it has been a couple of days. Sometimes I worry that if I do end up marrying that the butterflies will go away. I am so in love with our relationship now that I don’t want it to change.



  195.  #196Plum on August 19, 2011 at 7:40 am

    Barb

    I love this video.
    A woman who gave up on her vulnerabilty and femininity and realizes the catastrophe it has been causing to her and everybody around her.

    http://robbinsmadanescoachtraining.com/?p=766

    xxx



  196.  #197Plum on August 19, 2011 at 7:43 am

    Wow another cristal clear break down made by Tony Robbins

    Divorce
    http://robbinsmadanestraining.com/landing-site/pages/eusc/case-studies.php

    xxx



  197.  #198Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 7:44 am

    T girl

    wow thanks for this little piece:
    “the ring” could be what your definition is such as marriage, living together, being exclusive, even buying a boat together”

    somehow I missed that in Rori’s work….but it’s true isn’t it……..

    I was in a gift shop in the last while and these “tribal bracelets” popped out at me….simple bracelet with twine and leather and a small icon of the “minds eye” on it…browns and beiges natural colours…I was so drawn to it that I bought two of them…wore it for a few days and it felt great….and I gave the other one to this man that I am in relationship with and he totally got it….the “tribal” connection,…spirit connection…dynamic….and it’s neat that the icon represents wisdom and that the pair (his bracelet and mine) combines to form a set of eyes…….that opens up a richer view of life and relationships together…..broader perspective together…it just seem to fit…..and in many ways this feels symbolic of a ring……….

    I love that relationships and love can be so open and free to be what it really is if we let it 🙂



  198.  #199T-Girl on August 19, 2011 at 7:53 am

    Patricia – that is awesome! I think that if the 2 people are on the same page as to what commitment means to them in their relationship, that is the key to a truly committed relationship.



  199.  #200Camille on August 19, 2011 at 8:03 am

    Yesterday I was feeling sad and lonely because of T moving out………instead of calling him I put my profile on a couple of dating sites

    I had so much fun chatting with several men

    I didnt put up a pic and three of them said I was cute and funny from just a IM chat with them

    I felt wonderful and hopeful and excited

    well on my “Siren” way……….I am getting my power back! WoooooooHoooooooo. I didnt contact T all day

    I know he was surprised……..when he called me last night I was open and soft, but not sad or crying.

    I LOVE LOVE LOVED IT.

    I dont know what he felt or responded after we hung up…….but I do know that I didnt care, what mattered was me and how I felt.

    It felt good!



  200.  #201Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 8:04 am

    I hear your earlier comment too about worry that marriage will make the butterflies go away…..I like Rori’s tools and I think I have to lodge it in my brain (lol) that it’s not the destination or end result , but that relationship is an ongoing process/journey that needs to be kept dynamic not static……there’s no end to the possible expansion…….anything good and related to love wants to grow and expand…it’s almost the nature of anything alive…….I like how that feels…..that relationship is organic and a living thing

    🙂

    xo



  201.  #202Plum on August 19, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Patricia

    From Rori:
    If You Won’t Be His Girlfriend All Your Life – Do This

    Here’s a letter from Shelly – she’s in a classic “girlfriend trap” – and yet, it feels okay to me right now. I like how she describes the relationship, and the man – and I feel that the urgency inside herself is what Shelly needs to focus on – rather than on zeroing in on how to talk about it with HIM.

    In other words, she has more time and options and room to move, and the relationship feels good enough as it is – so she can breathe and really explore all her feelings.  Perhaps she’ll come up with some “out-of-the-box” ideas for herself!

    “””Hi Rori, I was wondering if you are in a relationship and your man, he has never been married and he’s 50 yrs old I am 49 years old I have been his longest relationship. At the beginning we talked about marriage because I had been in a unhealthy marriage for 17 years. That said. I told him I still believe in marriage and he said that he would never marry because of divorce rates (I think its more but i do respect peoples feelings) I’ve excepted the fact that he doe not want to marry it definitely was not a deal breaker. But I would live with someone, him yes….

    We get along fabulously, spiritually, laugh all the time, have serious discussions and love each other etc. sounds great i know, why would i want to bring up the possibility of one day if he could commit to living together, now that would be the deal breaker, at 49 I will not be someone’s girlfriend all my life.

    How would I bring up that subject, its been 9 months never has he missed a day without calling me before work after work and our good night call. We see each other on all his days off, my daughter and I spent Christmas dinner with his family and the next day he spent Christmas with my family. I just think were ready for growing in another direction together and I don’t mean tomorrow but in the not so distant future, I guess I just need to know because I’m falling hard.

    The more time we spend together, I love him more than the first day we told each other that we were in love with each other. Thank for your advice to all of us woman. Shelly”””

    ____________________________________________________________
    Here’s my answer:

    Shelly – What I know first and foremost is that if you have these strong feelings that you don’t want to be a girlfriend all your life, but – that’s what it feels like to you day after day – and if you don’t delve into your feelings and speak to him and clear the air directly…you will create tension and distance and disruption in the relationship.

    Marriage is not “the” Happy Ever After for everyone. Sometimes living together, owning a home or a boat together, traveling together – is plenty.
    Don’t let images of what other people want color your desires – feel how it feels to be with him, and what you’d need to make it the whole package for you. 
    9 months is a long time – but not so long that he’s dragging his feet here. If he says he’ll never marry – believe him. See how you feel about that. (Things could shift – but I don’t want you to put any of your eggs into that basket in the meantime.)

    The main problem is the need to have a discussion about what your relationship IS – not what it ISN’T.

    Yes, it isn’t marriage-bound at the moment – but how about you ask him simply what he sees?  Does he see you living in the same house?  Traveling together? Or does he just like things the way they are?  He lives where he lives, you live where you live, and you see each other often?
    And – before you even get into the future – how about the NOW?  Is seeing a man exclusively only on his days off enough for you?  Do you long for touch and companionship on the rest of the days?  After 9 months –  seeing him 2 times a week, if that’s what this boils down to, perhaps simply isn’t enough for you. (It wouldn’t be for me…but it might be PERFECT for another woman, who loves having all that time to herself and then a devoted, loving boyfriend and sex twice a week.)
    Clearly, if you live together, you see each other every day, and sleep every night together. Is your daughter in the house?  Is that a concern for him if you live together? Then that’s something you’ll want to explore.

    That’s what you need to discover – and there’s no urgency about it. You are just beginning to heal after being married unhappily for 17 years. Don’t rush YOURSELF – and certainly not HIM.

    What you need to feel your way through is the WHY of why you’re exclusively involved with him, if it’s not enough time spent with him for you.  If it’s just because you’re enjoying being with him, and no one else is interesting you much – that’s fine.  And if someone came along who asked you to the theater or to dinner – how would you feel about saying “yes” to that?

    And – are you making yourself AVAILABLE for that?

    The key to everything for you is in not feeling “urgent.”

    You have some time, here.  And so does he.

    What you want to do is to keep talking with him. Keep speaking your truth. “Sweetie, somethings bothering me, and I hate to even talk about it, because I feel so good with you…and it’s important to me that we’re just honest with each other and don’t let things get stuffed down…is now a good time to talk?”

    If he says “Yes” – then go with…“Once you said you would never marry again, I’m not sure how you feel about living together…have your feelings changed at all about this? What exactly do you see for us down the road?”

    Now stop and let him talk.

    Next – “I’m asking because I realize I don’t want to be a girlfriend all the rest of my life – even though being your girlfriend feels so great, I’m concerned that after a while, I’ll start to feel insecure and want to feel more solid…I’m just a girl here, and sooner or later, I’ll want more. What do you think?”

    Let him talk. You can always ask him…“I don’t want to be putting pressure on you…do you want me to date other men so that there’s less pressure as we go along?” — Basically this is the “No Girlfriend” speech – but with a lot more “air” and expressiveness and exploration in it – and allowing him to get involved in the discussion.

    Love, Rori

    written by Rori Raye 
    Monday, 20 September 2010 @ 1:32pm
    __________________________________________________

    xxx



  202.  #203Plum on August 19, 2011 at 8:14 am

    204: Camille

    Thumb up.
    You will be good 🙂

    xxx



  203.  #204Susan on August 19, 2011 at 8:15 am

    195: Patricia says:

    “…..I was married for 12 years, separated for another 3 until the divorce went through and when I think of marriage in that way again I think of being put in a box with a ceiling on it,….ball and chained….my free spirit quashed and held by reins…..again only my experience and perhaps with the wrong man anyway………”

    I was with my ex husband for 21 years. He also crushed my spirit and ruined us financially. At one point I was suicidal. I’m happier when I am the only person in charge of my finances. I am not a high earner, but I handle what I do have quite well and am financially stable now. When I was married, he earned lots of money but we never seemed to have any for food or bills or investing. Maybe my lack of desire to marry stems from fear of losing this small security, but I’m okay with that. Simply loving someone seems free-er to me (with a lot less stress.)



  204.  #205T-Girl on August 19, 2011 at 8:16 am

    Wow, ok now I’m confused. I just started watching Committment Blueprint and Rori talks about everything up until the proposal is just an event and has no emotional meaning whatsover. Ouch. I’m sure in Modern Siren she said the ring could be what your definition is such as marriage, living together, being exclusive, even buying a boat together.



  205.  #206T-Girl on August 19, 2011 at 8:20 am

    I just read Plum’s post in 206 above and it confirms what I thought I heard in Modern Siren. I wonder if Committment Blueprint was filmed first and Rori’s views have changed? Or maybe I was taking the comment out of context?



  206.  #207Camille on August 19, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Thanks Plum!
    Im definitely working on it.
    but right now Im having a strong urge to call T when we lived together I called him every day at 10 when I went on my mail run.

    I feel like calling him today. It feels uncomfortable right now to not be in my routine. I miss that part of our relationship already. We always called each other at some point during the day just to check in.



  207.  #208Camille on August 19, 2011 at 8:43 am

    Would any of you have a “tool” suggestion right now that I could use………….because I know I’m not supposed to call him………not if I want him to step up!



  208.  #209mary on August 19, 2011 at 8:44 am

    hello T-Girl:

    maybe Rori did say that.

    marriage is her value, so it would be a logical thing for her to say.

    sometimes i take her too literally because i’m needing so much instruction! she’s talking about concepts, so if i start picking her words apart, i just take a deep breath, look for the gist of what she’s saying and then try to apply that to my situation.

    maybe – if your goal is marriage – everything up ’til a proposal is just an event.

    maybe – if your goal isn’t marriage – if you’re satisfied with being a partner or a girlfriend or even a date, it’d be the question: would you like to live together? would you like to be my girlfriend? would you like to go on a date this weekend?

    it does seem inconsistent with what she said before, but i think it just depends on the values. Rori speaks from the heart and from her feelings, and those things come from values. so it would be natural for her to say proposal.



  209.  #210mary on August 19, 2011 at 8:47 am

    camille,

    think about him missing your call. it was a routine for him, too.

    missing someone is an exquisite pleasure. don’t deprive him of that! think about him conjuring up images of when you used to call him, and what you used to talk about. give him that private moment with you that he can cherish.

    who knows? he might call you one of these days. first he must miss you.



  210.  #211Camille on August 19, 2011 at 8:48 am

    Thank you Mary!



  211.  #212tinque on August 19, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Rori has said from the beginning that having the relationship you want can look like anything, whatever it is YOU want. If this means marriage, awesome. If this means a ring, awesome. If this means owning a house together, awesome. If it means having an understanding that you are forever after together, awesome.

    Whatever being exclusive means to you.

    I think the confusion has come in because many women if not most women do seek marriage, so she can tend to talk towards that direction.

    xxoo



  212.  #213tinque on August 19, 2011 at 8:49 am

    Hey Mary….

    xxoo



  213.  #214mary on August 19, 2011 at 8:56 am

    160

    i’m working on creating a website and i loved reading this.



  214.  #215mary on August 19, 2011 at 9:00 am

    hey TINQUE!

    i always love what you have to say!



  215.  #216DE on August 19, 2011 at 9:01 am

    Daria:

    Wow…I love #160…I feel soooo inspired…this has been a dilemma for me too…:(

    Thank you for sharing !

    Warm hugs,



  216.  #217Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 9:10 am

    206 Plum
    thank you so much for sharing this…..it helps tremendously….

    I like the idea of keeping the conversation about the relationship flowing…….this fellow I am with appreciates that life changes…and so do I …oddly enough as in your post Plum I am also 49 and my fellow is 54….and we both have teen children to support and an elderly mother to be available too….but life along with relationships are also dynamic and so to keep a finger of the pulse of life and how the changes in our lives change our needs and wants and other things….I think that’s the key also……where we might be in 3 years could alter with a child moving out of the home, the failing health or death of a parent, retirement….etc……..to keep it fluid and open feels wise and loving……..and natural…..so the idea of what a committed relationship can change too in that……..love this discussion by the way….very very helpful …thank you sirens…….for openness to this



  217.  #218Lucy on August 19, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Tinque, thank you for your response to me on the other thread. I see some strong similarities btwn your experience with K and mine with this man. I appreciate what you wrote. <3



  218.  #219Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 9:17 am

    RE 222 Lucy I am curious. I noticed you said “this man” in your comments. I was just listening to Rori’s interview with Greta Hassel that I believe have some juicy information about partnerships and I am just wondering if you still think of yourself as separate from him. Have you started to create the partnership you want with him in your mind as yet?



  219.  #220Lucy on August 19, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Oh I like what you just wrote here, too, Tinque! As you said, it’s all about having the relationship we want! And right now this IS the relationship I want. Rori says don’t be exclusive until/unless you have the relationship you want. What I want may change as I get more comfortable w intimacy, as things change w my kids, and many other factors. But right now I could not ask for more. It does not feel like a trap; it feels like love and commitment. And I have never been one to be trapped anyway. <3



  220.  #221Lucy on August 19, 2011 at 9:26 am

    SLV, thank you for your crossed-out comments to me. 🙂 Hey! That gives me an idea – maybe on the blog I could just call him Sweetie. (been having trouble giving him a blog name.) <3



  221.  #222Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 9:30 am

    RE 221 Patricia I don’t know how you feel about this and I did not fully read 206 as yet but this jumped at me in your comments “conversation about the relationship” and remembered that EMK’s email said men just want to be in love they don’t want to talk about it. Also in the Greta Hassel interview with Rori I understood they were suggesting talking to the man about the dreams and longings you have for your life in order to inspire him to share his dreams and longings for his life. I don’t know if this makes sense to you but it kind of created shift in my mind from thinking “where is this relationship going or what do you see for us in the future” to seeing “if we are compatible enough to make this journey together” or “if I want more in my life to see if his light is bright enough” for me. It kind of opened my mind more around being curious about the person and what we can create rather than focusing on the relationship. Hope this makes sense.



  222.  #223mary on August 19, 2011 at 9:35 am

    hi Lucy!

    i’m so glad you’ve found someone you love!

    I love to see you here! I’m sorry I’m so in and out. my life is so busy! sun up to sun down! and it’s good!

    and there are so many more comments here than when i was active before; it takes time to read and go back and get history and see what’s happening and what people are talking about!

    so it’s lovely to see an old friend.

    !

    i feel happy for you.



  223.  #224Lucy on August 19, 2011 at 9:36 am

    On quips and wisecracks: that is one of the things Sweetie adores abt me, part of what attracts and draws him to me on every level. I think Daria’s distinction is correct: I don’t do it at all to Impress; always to simply Express. And it is very feminine and playful. It’s just me having fun…I do it for *me,* and men happen to love it. The energy behind it is very feminine (so I’ve been told, and it feels it too).



  224.  #225Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 9:38 am

    RE 204 Camille this is my thought. I would guess that he might have felt off balance and that would be what you want.



  225.  #226Lucy on August 19, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Patricia, I really feel good abt what you wrote, too, about relationships being dynamic and what we what being dynamic as well. Thank you! <3 Lucy



  226.  #227Lucy on August 19, 2011 at 9:48 am

    Mary, thank you! Great to see you here too! <3 FW, yes, I don't know what to call him on here yet…and truthfully "my partner" is one name that I have considered using for him…but it makes me think of "civil unions"… :/



  227.  #228Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 9:49 am

    226 FW
    I agree totally with you…….and here’s the interesting thing…..I’m not initiating discussion about our relationship…he is! lol…it’s like he’s tapped into the contents of the relationship…hopes and dreams but he also is attentive to the dynamic….so I try to remain open to where his comments go and be honest with my feelings around them…..and sometimes I don’t answer or say my thoughts… I just stay present and listen……. 🙂



  228.  #229Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 9:49 am

    RE 209/210 T-Girl I was just about to say something similar to what Tinque says in 216. It is the context or frame that matters. Each individual has their own context or their own frame for the experience they want so I believe Rori keeps it kind of generic so that whatever each person feels comfortable with or whatever they want to create the concept works. The key for me is getting clear of what I want/need because sometimes we say we want something because of an unconscious belief when we really want something else. Society and upbringing have planted beliefs in our heads that we sometimes act out on without really paying attention to the deep desires of our hearts.



  229.  #230Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 9:50 am

    RE 232 Yep. That is my experience also when I lean back. Sometimes I get so shocked I don’t know how to respond.



  230.  #231Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 9:55 am

    Lucy I am not focussed on what you want to call him on the blog. I am focussed on how you think of him and the coming together. It felt that you were pointing to “that man” out there almost like a stranger separate and apart from yourself, as if there is no conscious thought of coming together. Does that make sense? If considering marriage I believe that perception changes, at least with guys I notice they change their speech to “we”. I also noticed Tinque has said “my man” in the past.



  231.  #232Starla on August 19, 2011 at 9:58 am

    wow this guy continually surprises me in the most pleasant of ways in how good and safe (to be myself and have boundaries) he makes me feel.



  232.  #233Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Starla as Rori says it is important how you feel about yourself in and out of his his presence.



  233.  #234Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 10:17 am

    I find this thought everytime I log on to POF “you are pathetic, having to be fishing for men on the Internet”. It does not come up with other sites such as eHarmony of Match.com so I am wondering if it is because of the name of the site itself and am wondering if anyone could help me heal that. I feel rattled by the negativity of thought and physically dirty to the point of wanting to take a shower.



  234.  #235Starla on August 19, 2011 at 10:28 am

    237 FW, i am finally realizing this:) before when guys made me feel good, it was because of what they were saying and doing for me. like…tangible things like compliments and gifts.

    i like those things too, but what i am experiencing now feels far more valuable.



  235.  #236Susan on August 19, 2011 at 10:31 am

    238: Femininewoman

    I’m curious… If you were hungry and were fishing for FISH, would that make you feel bad about yourself? I’m curious as to why this makes you feel negative.



  236.  #237Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 10:34 am

    Susan I am curious too, maybe it is because I was intially resistant to going on line in the first place. However I only notice this with this one site. I love fish so I definitely would say no to that question. Am I hungry for men? I could say no to that because I have men coming up to me all the time saying they want to marry me. It happened even yesterday with a guy who can hardly speak english and was struggling to express himself.



  237.  #238tinque on August 19, 2011 at 10:40 am

    Anytime Lucy. It feels good hearing that my words helped.

    xxoo



  238.  #239Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 10:42 am

    FW
    to be honest I had a similar feel for pof as well…maybe because it is not a paying site…it attracts everything,….I think there might be a couple levels….one…the issue of online dating and second the issue of sites that aren’t as ….say……quality? as say eharmony….don’t mean to sound derogatory….I have met men on both sites that were not a good fit for me……I guess I liken it to the market….there are some that I love to go to because of the quality of produce there….the atmosphere…..etc. and others that I’ll go to because they might just have that type of jewellery or fruit that I may be interested in, but the experience feels different…..really in the end its up to us where we want to spend our time and resources……..personally I’ve had better quality on eharmony and I know the site is based on good relationship theories and research out there….it feels to me like it has more substance than others like match or pof….no guarantees of course but going with what YOU feel is what it’s all about isn’t it?



  239.  #240Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 10:46 am

    and the online dating thing…..I’ve realized how far the world has come in terms of technology and access…it is soooo different than it was 10-20 years ago…….the world is the village now……so the online dating just feels like an expansion of that…..giving more opportunity to meet people in general…..I email colleagues that live hundreds, even thousands of miles away….and after a network develops it feels good…meeting at conferences and recognizing names makes it easier to go for drinks after or network…could it be that socializing and dating online is similar? Texting and emailing open up so many avenues and forms to communicate and with good guidelines each step of the way it’s great good fun too!



  240.  #241Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 10:49 am

    RE 243 Yep and thanks Patricia. I just wanted to be vulnerable so I shared that, plus I am curious about other people’s feelings around that particular site. What you say makes a lot of sense to me. I am trying out other sites but POF in particular kinds of feel creepy to me. However, I keep going on there to experience the trigger and to get me out of my comfort zone.



  241.  #242Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 10:50 am

    RE 244 Yeah but the first time I gave guys my number I went into panic after. It felt so unnatural to me. In the meantime I communicate all the time with people all over the world.



  242.  #243Lucy on August 19, 2011 at 10:52 am

    FW. 🙂 I wrote “this man” not “that man.” lol. This man…here…with me, beside me, now. Very different from “that man.” 🙂 As for “we”…. yes, we say “we” all the time…. we are definitely a “we”….very connected…. Does that clarify for you? <3



  243.  #244Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 10:56 am

    It does I guess but in my mind “this man” translated into “that man”. Maybe it stood out to me because my kids tend to talk about people “this girl, this boy” kind of way that paints the picture of strangers. My thinking is if this is a future partner a shift takes place in one’s head normally, maybe it is the reason why many of us women eventually push men away because we become so focussed on them when we accept them as our “future” husband in our minds. I am wondering if it is healthy for the relationship to keep it as “that man” until the proposal/commitment? Just my musings……



  244.  #245Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Just saw this on a profile and felt really moved. He mentions that he is shy but my heart felt really touched by the words. I am wondering if it would be one of those men who would need a patient woman to help him really open up.

    “As a gentleman, I would treat my date(s) like I would want a man to treat the women in my family (with respect). My first date would be a date to comfort her at a time and place of her desire. I would hope that she pick a place that express her. I would hope that it’s a place where she can smile, laugh and enjoy a good conversation with me. I intend to respect her views and manner. I love to listen because I can learn more about that person. I would expect her to be herself so that I can be myself.”



  245.  #246Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 11:31 am

    wow FW beautiful description he gives….if it manifests in person…what a gift that could be….

    oh yes…I wanted to mention a funny aside re pof….. I actually saw my ex husband on there…recognized the profile immediately……..no pic but birthplace gave it away….omg I thought! Run!~ Run for the hills! LOL



  246.  #247Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 11:41 am

    Patricia if you coud hide your pic I believe it would be interesting to see what could happen with him using the Rori tools, that is if the experience was not too painful. Wonder how responsive he would be?

    As an aside Greta Hassel talks about seeing each relationship as a gift and what each man brought to her life and what she walked away with from that relationship. That interview was really juicy, IMHO.



  247.  #248Daria on August 19, 2011 at 11:45 am

    wow FW – you are awesome for noticing that thought so clearly!

    well first of all, that does NOT have to be your experience

    my thoughts are… well lets see what men want me today!! yay!!!

    ok so when the thought comes up, you can hug it and thank it for trying to protect you, tell it you are in charge, and you are not going to let it run you today, you are going to give this ahppiness thing a shot

    then actually Sink into the icky feelings and feel them, the nausea and the ickyness

    also another thing you can try if it’s looping is Rosa’s stop sign tool with a flip



  248.  #249Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 11:47 am

    lol well that was 3 years ago and he has since had two relationships….the current one is good for him….and she is kind to our children….I have no regrets that the relationship needed to end.

    Now each of our lives is very different. I am currently in a relationship with a man that I’ve shared on this blog, lightly cding others for balance and so far so good. I agree each man, each person brings gifts….I have the GH cd interview and feel moved to listen to it soon based on your comments!

    BTW wondering if you have tried eharmony? my apologies if I missed this in a previous post of yours…



  249.  #250Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 11:49 am

    By the way Patricia one of my very first initiators on POF always seem to be there whenever I log on. He never showed up for the date, never answered his phone but contacted me on chat when I logged back on. He said his phone is broken so he knew I called but couldn’t pick. The first red flag I noticed was that he didn’t call after I first gave him my number but at the same time seemed anxious to meet. He kept disappearing after time Iogged on then finally contacted me with excuses. After all his excuses he kept saying “I messed up, I know I messed up” , nothing more”. I went as far as saying shit happens life happens but he just never said anything more. I eventually said my intuition is telling me something is off with you. Havn’t heard anything since. It seems he is always logged on to the site every time I go on so I find myself thinking of him as a prowler. Maybe that is what is clouding my thinking.



  250.  #251Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 11:53 am

    Talk about romantic,

    This morning I awoke into a dream,
    With her sleeping in my arms.
    The slow, deep, rhythmic exchange of her breath
    Marking time for me in a new way.
    Using innocence as its medium, beauty as its chain.
    Escaping, capturing, releasing… Teasing me.
    Filling my heart with an aching fullness
    That surely must be pricked to be soothed,
    Then held in vain against its gushing release.
    But wasting nothing.
    Sucking, licking, touching… She lingered there with me.
    Sleeping muse.
    Warming my legs. My chest. My arms.
    Making me a slave. Hurting me with my love.
    My Soul was trapped there
    In the embrace of that stolen rapture.
    I held my breath.
    But the silence was broken.
    I heard the city moving around us. Taking no notice of us.
    Itself waking up.
    Oblivious to the beautiful sight of our bodies entwined.
    The smell of faded screams.
    Ignoring… but still invading, On sneaky beams of light,
    Only evident by dancing dust and polka dot moons.
    Moving in a different reality. Somewhere far off.
    Suggesting the unthinkable.
    I heard weeping far off too.
    But I held on to the moment as long as I could…
    Time laughed at me.
    I kissed her mouth. I pulled her closer…
    I gave in…. She sighed.

    Pretty Eyes and Feminine ways make me smile. I like dainty ladies who enjoy being a Woman.
    I’m into Truth and being Real.
    I see through all Game and prefer to just be myself.
    I’ve been Self-employed since 1994. I’m an information junkie, one of those people who MUST know things.
    I love: Movies, Art, Design, Photography, Books, Chess, Texas Hold-em Poker, Cycling, Working Out, Motorcycles, Computers/Technology, Music and Being with my kids.



  251.  #252Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 11:58 am

    Thanks Daria. Don’t feel nauseous though, that is a very distinct feeling for me. I feel dirty as if I just wallowed in mud and my whole body is sticky with muck, as in make my skin crawl.

    I have not yet hugged or thanked it, just noticed it felt the feelings and laughed at it. Thanks for the suggestion.



  252.  #253AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 12:02 pm

    @255: Wow FW…WOW…words cannot even replace that, It’s beautiful!



  253.  #254Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 12:08 pm

    Isn’t it? I believe he must have copied the first piece from a poem he read though. It is very expressive for a man.



  254.  #255AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    Yes it seems that way nothing short of brilliant!!



  255.  #256Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Lilybelle you have gone quiet again. How is your new apartment?

    Mel how is the swelling?



  256.  #257Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 12:39 pm

    FW
    yes the fact is that men who have no intention of dating are often on the sites…sometimes they move things to a separate online chat…it becomes obvious early that they are only interested in online chatting and it moves to sexual chatting very quickly……I feel this is a lonely existence……..it’s free for them and they can engage for as long as they like………not for me……

    the poem is beautiful……I wondered about it being from somewhere on line too as opposed to original words….which is ok……I once ran into an interesting situation a few years ago when someone I met online began to discuss spiritual ideas with me….when I asked about his spiritual take on life he produced this beautiful answer….for some reason my gut didn’t believe it so for fun I entered the first couple of lines into google and found the source right away….sadly he pretended they were his words………….

    it was instances like these that put me off online dating after only 7 months…back in 2008…but for some reason I tried again this year and have had a much different experience…



  257.  #258Senior Lady Vibe on August 19, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    @225: Lucy
    😀

    @228: Lucy says:
    “…On quips and wisecracks: that is one of the things Sweetie adores abt me, part of what attracts and draws him to me on every level…
    …I don’t do it at all to Impress; always to simply Express. And it is very feminine and playful. It’s just me having fun…I do it for *me,* and men happen to love it. The energy behind it is very feminine (so I’ve
    been told, and it feels it too)…”

    This also sounds like me. I think my Sweetie would adore me too. And we wouldn’t have to change or roleplay because we’d like ourselves just the
    way we are, authentically.

    xoxo



  258.  #259Senior Lady Vibe on August 19, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    @238: Femininewoman says:
    “… I am wondering if it is because of the name of the site itself and am wondering if anyone could help me heal that…”

    Well, I go with making things fun. POF seems to be a good resource worth using. It’s practically the Court at Versailles compared with Craigslist which I
    think can also be a good resource inspite of the coarse ads.

    How about taking a look at this friendly little fish pic when you log onto POF…

    http://www.disneywallpaper.net/data/media/50/finding_nemo_free.jpg



  259.  #260Senior Lady Vibe on August 19, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    @FW

    or depending… on some days it could be this one…

    http://www.disneywallpaper.net/data/media/50/nemo_desktop.jpg

    😀

    xoxo



  260.  #261Lilybelle on August 19, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    260:

    I have gone quiet again. 😉

    thanks for asking, my new pad is quite groovy…

    Hope all is well with you, FW…



  261.  #262Daria on August 19, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    wow looking at Nemo could be a freakin awesome way to reframe that thought – with a visual, so mind can’t argue hehe

    *LIKE



  262.  #263Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Eeeek! Sirens help!!! T text me today…..hes putting an offer in on a house that we looked at before he moved out. He sent me a text that stated………….

    You need to think really hard about if you want to live in this house with me, and if I am the man you want or not. I have some major decisions to make by Monday morning at 9……….Think about things and meet me at the house this evening.

    I havent responded……….im trying to think of a speech for tonight………..Is this him stepping up?

    Help me …………….im feeling confused.



  263.  #264Daria on August 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    Patricia – I read your post and can offer some tweaks if u are open – if so read on 🙂

    this can help shift in a general way to get in touch with Your feelings vs. thought about Him/Them

    “I feel this is a lonely existence……..it’s free for them and they can engage for as long as they like………not for me……”

    “i feel this is a lonely existance” this is actually a thought along with judgement

    you Think this is a lonely existance for them…

    what you FEEL thinking that…

    well it might be liek an icky feeling, or judgemental, or judgemental and then ashamed or scared of that and so not allowing yourself to notice the judgement

    but what YOU would feel when a man does that…

    well personally i might FEEL disappointed, triggered, icky, turned off, even angry perhaps

    what i think is going on with them, a lonely existance.. i can imagine *I* might feel lonely in the scenario i thought up for them

    but that is actually a thought and perception / about him…

    what helps heal and shift things is to drop that thought about Their lonely (or not) existance

    and instead look at YOU in that moment – YOU are feeling triggered, and your mind is going ‘over there’ to avoid feeling something

    bring your attention back to yourself, your in the body feelings, and feel them…

    that babystep creates big shifts



  264.  #265Daria on August 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Camille – wow that feels kinda scary and i would not feel safe!

    it does not sound like stepping up… stepping up feels GOOD

    ‘you need to… ” well wow

    i feel triggered i feel angry and i feel kinda scared

    but maybe he doesnt mean it that way

    well i feel angry

    i would share how i felt like

    “wow it feels good to be considered, and… i feel put on the spot… and kinda angry… i don’t feel ready to make a decision right now”



  265.  #266AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    Camille re: 267…This guy seems to be stepping up big time! I mean I don’t know your relationship is with him but if he is something you want say yes go for it!! Sounds like an adventure and though i am sure it may be nerve racking don’t let your NV’s get in the way of you doing that. That is if you want that and do love him 🙂



  266.  #267nikita on August 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    Daria,

    I sent u text message..did u get it ? or has ur phone changed? I need to ask u something very personal



  267.  #268Daria on August 19, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    what if that text got lost… what then! ???

    wow i feel so freakin mad at this man!

    he can think long and hard about how he’s gonna pursue me and convince me to move in with him after he’s apologized for putting me on the spot and talking to me that way and …

    yeah thats my clue i feel angry



  268.  #269Daria on August 19, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    Nikita- it HAS changed… email me…



  269.  #270AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 2:22 pm

    Ok I am lost I think..I guess I don’t know all the details!!



  270.  #271Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    Amazing Me……let me fill you in and thanks all of you for the advice.
    T has been my friend, lover, boyfriend, husban, ex-husband divorced for three years and then he came back and was treating me like a “queen” …………I let him move in with me and my children and things started to change………….I found RR’s educational tools and realized I was over-functioning AGAIN………I started using Rori’s tools and also gave him the I dont want to your girlfriend and I moved you in because it seemed logical from our past being married. And I told him I didnt want to live with anyone without a committment……….He got angry!…moved out……..has been moved out two days…….and texted me that today.



  271.  #272Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:29 pm

    we were still going to see other and I told him I was going to date until we figured things out

    I was taking my power back……….I just didnt think it would happen this fast

    this is a house we both wanted and my kids love it

    Im not angry……….I just want to stay in my power

    it seems to be working



  272.  #273Susan on August 19, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    267: Camille

    Camille, at this point, you don’t really know if he is stepping up or not. He might be. But he also might be seeking you as a room mate to help share costs with this house. My advice would be to schedule a face to face talk with him and stay in Rori’s tools and let him offer the future with you that he is invisioning. Don’t assume he is offering what you want ~ He needs to actually say the words and offer you commitment and love. If he doesn’t, you need to be prepared to walk away. Sounds like you have a very emotional time approaching, either way!



  273.  #274Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Daria,
    I understand your triggers but this is the perspective I have………

    He cant call me…..hes at work……..when he is at work he texts me or calls during certain times when he has a break.

    He would have called if I hadnt recieved the text

    He knows I like to think about things and time to get my thoughts clear before we have a serious discussion about something of this nature.

    so he probably texted that knowing I would need time to think about it………

    I also believe hes rushed because his job has given him the opportunity to travel to two different locations….and they need a decision by Mon. at 9 (that is an assumption)



  274.  #275AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 2:34 pm

    Well Camille I would say this is one only you can decide. If this is the man you want in your life and your children’s life then I would say or ask yourself rather, what would be holding you back or questioning it? Maybe what are the pros and cons? Follow your gut instinct!



  275.  #276Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    Im just trying to get my head clear and a good feeling message speech before we meet tonight



  276.  #277Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    I figured this was how it would turn out ………It has just caught me off guard the timing of it all………it was FAST



  277.  #278Susan on August 19, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    To add a bit more: I don’t think you need a speech for this. You already made your speech and this may be the response to it. This is your time to listen and feel your responses before you speak and make big decisions (whichever way it goes.)



  278.  #279Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    Thank you Susan,
    I am hoping he will have the words to go along with the action……….and I will have my tools in my bag to express my desires in a “siren” fashion.



  279.  #280AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Camille so he is wanting to buy this house with you because???? What is his reason? he wants to be exclusive and committed now?



  280.  #281Camille on August 19, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    oh Thank you Susan,
    I never took that perspective, yes I need to listen

    and………
    I dont have to say or make a decision tonight

    thank you



  281.  #282nikita on August 19, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    daria,

    i emailed u



  282.  #283Susan on August 19, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    285: Camille

    I am remembering when Skittish Boyfriend offered me commitment. We had a previous semi-argument a few days before where I let him know that I didn’t want to be his buddy or pal and if that was all he was offering me, then I owed it to myself to open myself to what other men might possibly offer me. (This happened relatively recently. He had gone from calling me his girlfriend to calling me buddy or pal so I gave my version of the girlfriend speech.) A few days later he made a point to have “The Commitment Talk” with me. He did all the talking and I quietly cried (with happiness and emotion.) It was hard to NOT talk, but it really felt important to just listen and respond. That is why I am recommending you just open yourself up to listen and respond. Now that you have defined your boundary, let him take control and step up as he sees fit. Then you decide if it is enough.



  283.  #284Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Susan,
    Thank you so much. I was getting all excited and thinking of all the things I would say and “if” you respect my boundaries.

    Im laughing at this because one thing I have really been working on is learning to listen at level 2 without interupting and talking too much and too fast when Im anxious and excited.

    Now if I can just stay open, soft and MELT! Working on melting too, have not mastered the melt!



  284.  #285Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Amazing Me,
    I just saw your post……this is a home we looked at together months ago, but it wasnt quite on the market yet, we were waiting to see what the bank priced it at. (its a repo)

    during that waiting period was when I found RR and re-established boundaries, then gave “the speech”. He made the decision to move out and I said we could keep seeing each other but I was going to date others also and wanted to leave things open to find a man that I felt deserved me.

    So to answer we were exclusive and committed, but I didnt feel he was respecting my boundaries after hed been living with me for a while…

    Make more sense?



  285.  #286Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I truly believe, its because with all of RR’s information and tools I got my power back, realized my fears, and the day he left……I actually believed in my heart I would be OK with or without him. And I immediately starting chatting with other men on online dating sights.

    THE VIBE THING! I know my vibe was so different. I just thougt the change of vibe would take him longer to realize.



  286.  #287luzydel on August 19, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Haha I just got this email, and I am wondering if I should respond…Hmmm

    “Hi!

    I’m brand new to *******… Just got here last Wednesday for a great job as a software designer with ********. I’m terribly lonely. Be my friend. Let’s go places! I need company. I’m financially very well, but do not have a car here just yet. I will within a few weeks. I’m very nice, and a true gentleman. We can help each other. Please hurry, I’m sad in this town… Let’s go to Manhattan, to a coffee shop in *******, to book stores, movies, bowling, live music venues, anything, my treat 100%.

    I may not be handsome, but I do have a great sense of humor, I am very educated, well-versed in many areas, I play several musical instruments, and I am generous. Be my friend. 🙁 ”

    I would have preffered an email stating something he liked about my profile (not just the picts of course). But this makes me feel uneasy, why? I don’t know :)…I will respond and see what happenes and yes he is not very attractive, lol



  287.  #288Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:21 pm

    Camille – reread the message and I don’t feel as angry…

    maybe i’m misreading but… do you feel secure in the relationship moving in there with him?

    if so then maybe this IS him stepping up… and you could say yes

    tell us how you’re FEELING!!



  288.  #289DE on August 19, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Camille #278:

    Hmm…

    To get to your feelings and recognize your intuition…
    One MUST S.T.O.P explaining, justifying…especially, if it’s not even about you….

    You miss Daria’s point…u went into defensive…

    So, u are seeking some sort of clarity as to what to do…

    First, stop thinking, explaining..etc.
    Second, recognize u feelings when reading his txt…i would feel weird at first,…then i would probably noticed some excitement…maybe fear behind…feel some more…deep breaths, open pelvis…sink into it…allow tears…allow fears to come up…speak their names…love them..etc…
    Third, express what you feel in writing…why are u fearful? do u feel rush to make a decision?

    The bottom line, whatever u decide to respond must include authenticity…and if fears, concerns are there…u better bring them out NOW…

    Get feeling and start writing …:)

    Warm hugs,



  289.  #290AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    #289 ..Ok I see more clearly now, so wow, You must be nervous about tonight. I definately agree about the listening part. How do you feel? Big step!



  290.  #291Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:24 pm

    REading back posts! Yay Camille – this feels much more thrilling now!

    *and i feel so surprised at MY reaction… i wonder if i would feel angry at a man proposing to me! ha! i love me*



  291.  #292Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    I feel excited………

    I feel amazed at how when I changed my vibe……..how different it seems

    I feel nervous knowing he would only buy this house for “our family” if he was just buying a home for himself it would definitely not be this one and it would be in a different location.

    I feel insecure that Im not proficient enough with the “siren” tools to not fall back into old habits



  292.  #293Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Oh shoot Daria,
    I didnt mean to sound defensive I wasnt feeling defensive,
    or like justisfying
    I just felt you needed more information.

    because in a different situation I would feel the same way you did.

    Especially if I hadnt known the man very long or we didnt have the past that he and I have

    its a rather complex situation

    so apology for using defensive sounding words or phrases……..I must be more aware.



  293.  #294T-Girl on August 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm

    291 Luzydel, sounds like it is a copy and paste e-mail and the tone is just not right. If I got that e-mail I wouldn’t respond, but that is just me.



  294.  #295AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Re: 296 Well I think it’s great, a big step, but you seem positive!



  295.  #296T-Girl on August 19, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Wow Camille. I wish I had words of wisdom for you but I don’t. I can’t wait to hear more about what transpires.



  296.  #297Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:34 pm

    Luzydel

    that e-mail made me feel uncomfortable

    Its sounds desperate……….like if I said those things I would be lacking self esteem and feeling pitiful

    not saying he is but I concur with your “discomfort” reading that



  297.  #298Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:35 pm

    camille – wait i didn’t think you sounded defensive…

    hmm the information you gave does change teh way i feel

    but i just feel triggered being told “you need to… do this or that” and yet a lot of men speak this way!

    i would feel scared… and i feel a bit confused… because it seems he was already committed before … and that was not the issue

    so i wonder what was the issue where you felt your boundaries were violated?

    does that issue feel resolved now?

    feels a bit confusing

    but if this was the house we had been looking at together, and i felt happy!! , that would feel thrilling



  298.  #299Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:38 pm

    Daria,
    I was overfunctioning after several months of us living together………I stopped!

    And expressed new boundaries…..

    he responded with anger at first and moved out

    the days after he moved out he didnt seem angry any more

    and I leaned wayyyyyyyyy back and starting using my tools and here we are!



  299.  #300Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:40 pm

    Luzydel – i too would feel uncomfortable and kinda icky weird .. and also flattered and compassionate

    personally if that was to me i would say soemthing lije

    wow… i feel flattered that you want to meet me 🙂 and kinda weird with all the sad faces…



  300.  #301Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    I feel good using the tools and find my inner siren…

    I appreciate the support and encouragement and knowledge I have gotten form all of you

    Oh by the way weeks ago I was blogging about having fear of stopping the overfunctioning because I thought he might get angry

    I felt the fear loved it got rid of it

    so happy the fear left…..his reaction was as I had anticipated but I got to the place of “it doesnt matter how he acts” it matters how I feel… I matter the most!

    and I did it

    and it seems to be creating wonderful things and reactions



  301.  #302Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    Camille – wow AWESOME! sounds like it would feel scary (i read anger in his words – but that is just me)

    this seems like a total turnaround

    i feel angry im leaving

    Im buying us a house!!

    hehehe

    okay this feels exciting

    (i still feel scared though – but im not you and don’t know this man at all – maybe i feel terrified of living with a man period! (i kinda do))



  302.  #303DE on August 19, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Camille:

    your situation felt a bit like deja vu to me…so, I explored my own feelings…based on your scenario:

    “wow…i cant’ believe it is happening to me…the text…i feel so attracted to him when he is soo demanding of my attention and asking for my input…”

    is this for real?…i feel shortness of breath…dizzy…a bit sick in my tummy….

    oh…wow…i feel a scared…but also happy…

    do i deserve it?
    what if this is just a dream? a trap?…i feel suspicious…hmmm

    oh..yes, i feel afraid moving in together…running into the old patterns…

    oh, …my boundaries…what if i loose myself again in this relationship?
    what if i will not be happy ?
    i want to feel safe to express to him anything…and i wont be abandoned…or my feelings being minimized…or feeling unheard by him…
    wow…there are fears…lots of them…
    wow…my fears…thank u…
    u are here to protect me
    i love u, my fears,
    i am still learning to set my boundaries…
    i deserve to be happy

    i intend to express them to him…yes, the list…of needs and wants…

    warm hugs,



  303.  #304Daria on August 19, 2011 at 3:49 pm

    Camille – i feel so excited for you! yes this is way better than expected.. you used the tools and now he’s stepping up

    woo hooo!!!

    you are rocking!



  304.  #305Violet on August 19, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    Hello Sirs and Sirens!!

    .. haven’t heard much from the sirs, though.

    My reaction to Tony Robbins’ videos? OMG!!!!
    This man has perfected the art of ‘being present’ in any relationship!! Then, I watched as he hugged that couple. He wasn’t just hugging them, he was embracing them!! That gesture alone created an epiphany beyond my (complete) scope of understanding!!

    I realized that a physical embrace is a manifestation of accepting that other person totally and without reservation! It’s not just about the physical embrace per se’.

    It’s about creating an attitude of giving and accepting who you are and who the other person is. There is no judgement. You allow yourself to be who you are because you understand your inner nature. It sets you free to express love untainted by selfishness and one’s own desires.

    I’m not sure I am expressing my understanding in a way that others would ‘get’ what I’m trying to say.

    All I know is that it transformed the way I think about myself and others. There is an aura of total acceptance, pure and simple.

    I saw Tony embrace the woman. I saw him embrace the man. There was absolutely no ‘innuendo’ involved.

    I like to be very open with myself. I feel this white energy consuming and embracing everyone and the experience as is. When I am like this, there are no boundaries I feel a need to express.

    I believe there are people that might choose to mis-understand that. That will not negate my given nature.

    It’s ‘like’ being a child. There’s no judgement, the mind is unpolluted, there is complete trust and a lack of fear.. a natural ability to live ‘in the present’.

    There is no remembrance of a past. There are no worries about the future. The experience is here and now and enjoyed with such exuberance! It is living life to the fullest!

    That is my choice. I set myself free to be open to sharing and receiving whatever is there. I accept the good and the bad as steps towards growth.

    This mindset sets aside the premise that other’s will meet my needs. I have no needs because I have no expectations. God is my mainstay in all this.

    Without Him, there is no real understanding. I believe He brings enlightenment through His words. I know God loves me unconditionally.

    For me… It is God’s love that transforms our minds to experience that greater love. I think Tony Robbins has received such an understanding and the gift to speak it into others.

    So… I’m here, embracing myself, embracing this experience of love without doubt or fear.

    Those that ‘get’ me will understand the crux of what I am saying.
    Those that don’t… I don’t set myself up to be the know all and do all of everything. I have flaws due to my humanity. I’m not here to lead or to follow.

    I relate my experiences as I understand them.

    On a different note: I’m not sure if I said this already. I really like the idea of saying, ‘Thank You’ to unexpected statements. I have done that even when the statement has been out and out nasty.

    Like, “I think you’re a biotch!” My response!? Thank you!!! hahaha 😀



  305.  #306Camille on August 19, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    I feel calm now …… knowing I am just going to listen

    listen closely and be aware of my feelings



  306.  #307DE on August 19, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Violet #309:

    That felt wonderful to read 🙂

    I felt your heart being touched at a new level…:) Thank you for sharing it 🙂

    I too have enjoyed Tony’s brilliance for quite some time…I feel excited when others also appreciate him 🙂

    warm hugs,



  307.  #308Camille on August 19, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Oh Violet thank you for sharing

    I want to see them



  308.  #309Camille on August 19, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Ok going to meet T……Ill let you know how it goes!



  309.  #310alias girl on August 19, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    i could post a long post of self-justifying drivel about the day i’ve had so far but i have decided to spare the island.

    because all i really want is support

    and to hear “yes and you’re great, and you’re doing great, and you did the best you could and yes yes you are loved”

    i feel enthused to see what other surprises and delights are being called up especially for me today.



  310.  #311Violet on August 19, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    This is for Daria.

    Thank you.
    My understanding is that it would bother you if a man looks around the room. You feel unnoticed.
    Your feelings are valid because they are yours.

    My response to men that do that? It doesn’t bother me because I choose not to place any importance on what he does or doesn’t do.

    My experience is about me, not him. I won’t attach any feelings or expectations to anything a man says or does. It is not in my realm of control.

    What is in my realm of control is my words and actions. I choose my attitude. I don’t let others choose it for me.

    So.. I embrace the experience like I would any other experience. It is there and in the moment.

    I don’t feel it a waste of time like I used to. I feel that period of time is an opportunity in and of itself.

    There are things to be learned because I make the choice to experience the moment as I want to. I won’t take it to heart. That man is doing what he is doing and that’s all there is to it.

    He isn’t standing there thinking, ‘I wonder if I’m doing every iota thing I can do in order to accomodate the person in front of me’.

    A person could go flat out crazy thinking this.

    As the song goes, “If you can’t please everyone, you’ve got to please yourself” ~ Ricky Nelson

    The bottom line!? Don’t take it personal because it isn’t meant to be!!

    As a sister Siren, and until I post again, I bid thee farewell,

    ~ Violet @-;~



  311.  #312Lisa on August 19, 2011 at 4:31 pm

    Doing the best I can to not offer one of my favorite CDs to come hang out with him one evening while he is recovering from knee surgery. I miss him haven’t seen him in a couple to almost three weeks so it is hard. I texted today to ask how he was and he responded telling me about recouping from the surgery. I leaned back the best I could the past few weeks and I know he has been busy with his work, but then I saw he was online on the dating website last night and he didn’t say hey. I felt sad and knew I would text today. In this moment, I feel ok. It has been raining outside and I like that because it will create cooler air for the fan to pull in my apt while I sleep before I have to get ready for work. He did not ask about me, how I was, etc. I feel hungry. I feel like God has a good plan for my love life, but I have only met casual daters so far. But I will try to keep open.



  312.  #313Daria on August 19, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Violet – i feel a bit defensive…

    about him looking aroudn the room… i feel unsure if it would bother me…

    ive had situations when i felt bad when it happened

    what i do is pay attention to how i actually feel in the moment…

    (not to how i think i will feel.. though sometimes that is helpful to practice imagining so that i will know how to express myself)

    so sometimes i might not feel bad

    and sometimes i might

    and i just express what i feel



  313.  #314Starla on August 19, 2011 at 4:43 pm

    314 alias girl

    YOU DA BOMB GIRL!!!!!!!!!

    YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

    AND OF COURSE, YOU’RE ALWAYS RIGHT:)



  314.  #315Daria on August 19, 2011 at 4:46 pm

    I also hope he is thinking about how he can do everything possible to please the Goddess in front of him!

    hmm i wonder why i feel defensive

    i feel all ‘tensed’

    i love my feelings

    sigh

    i love my sigh

    giglgle

    i love my giggle



  315.  #316DE on August 19, 2011 at 4:56 pm

    Daria #317:

    Hmm…i would feel defensive too reading Violet post #315…and that would be because she is full of Bull shit!!!

    She wasn’t really asking for help…but rather attention…show off…:)

    I love it when I show off…I love my seeking for attention…and just denying my fears…yay…i love me full of bull shit…and why not??!!!

    And that’s just me feeling annoyed of the interaction…:(

    I intend not to get u in the middle in the future Daria 🙂

    Warm hugs,



  316.  #317DE on August 19, 2011 at 4:59 pm

    OH…fu*ck…i confused Violet for someone else…

    Ups…Sorry Violet…it was not ab u…

    Yucks…

    I need a vacation…

    warm hugs,



  317.  #318AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    I got my tooth pulled today sirens!~ I am now drowning my sorrows in ice cream!



  318.  #319tinque on August 19, 2011 at 5:15 pm

    Ice Cream is great medicine AmazingMe. The coolness really does soothe and keep down the swelling, AND it’s yummy. Feel better quickly.

    xxoo



  319.  #320AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    Aww why Thank You Tinque! I appreciate your thoughts!



  320.  #321Mel on August 19, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    OMG… I’m feeling very excited about my date tomorrow! This is 2-hour chat guy. He’s dreamy (assuming his photos are accurate) and so so so funny! Funny guys really turn me on. Because I love to be flirted with and I love to laugh.

    He asked me for another photo. My eye was just ever so slightly still swollen. Probably no one could tell, but I could. To be silly and playful, I sent him one with me making a “you’re pushing your luck” face.

    This is the response I got:

    “Now now…and I mean this with all sorts of sincerity – you are a beauty…and I love that weird little smirk.”

    All sorts of sincerity… LOL He’s even funny when he’s being sweet. Sweet with just a tiny hint of sarcasm. I love it!

    The swelling’s finally gone BTW! 🙂



  321.  #322Sammie on August 19, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Wow Mel, that sounds great!

    It’s amazing how your vibe has turned around.
    You sound so playful and centered!
    Good for you!

    Have fun on your date!



  322.  #323AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Good for you Mel! Let us know how it goes! Well I am preparing for my week of awesome studying and then this weekend I get to see my beach buddy! We are going to the happy place (beach) 🙂



  323.  #324Mel on August 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Thanks Sammie!

    I really must be exuding a sireny vibe! Today at work, a colleague asked if I would like to bring my lunch outside and picnic with him. Later in the afternoon I got an email from a different colleague asking if he could take me to lunch sometime next week.

    I’m also impressed at the quality of men asking me out online. A cute photographer asked if he could take me out next week and a there are a handful of others being patient until I can slot them in. I may have to double-book my evenings! LOL

    I figure I’ll remain open to invitations until 3 or 4 of them repeatedly ask for repeat dates. I’d like to have a few that are somewhat consistent. I don’t ever want to feel like I’m waiting around for someone to ask me out or that I have to do any chasing. So I will continue with the “first dates” until I have a rotation established… then I may ignore Match for a while. I find it exhausting replying to emails. I’d rather spend my time actually dating!



  324.  #325AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    You know I heard a health study on the news today that said that single women and men are at a greater risk and die quicker than married women and men. That is nice…geez



  325.  #326Mel on August 19, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    Have fun at the beach AmazingMe! 🙂



  326.  #327Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 6:59 pm

    RE 329 I saw it on the internet also. It is because love is so healing to the body. But I believe that love can be created with anyone, even animals.



  327.  #328Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    RE 328 Yay Mel. See what you were keeping away from the world. I am not surprised.



  328.  #329Mel on August 19, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Hey FW…

    The funny thing is that I’m actually starting to feel like MYSELF again!

    I am a super playful, funny, energetic and interesting person. This is the me that I remember! She wanted to come out and play again!



  329.  #330Patricia on August 19, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Daria
    @261 and 268

    thank you Daria for your comment about judging and need to feel……I may need to have reworded my post…….meant to say me engaging in the sexual banter felt like a lonely existence…that they could do it as much as they liked but it wasn’t for me…..truth is that I did engage initially back then because it was new to me and I thought the fellow was flirting…but after awhile I realized that the connection was just about sexual chat and I felt lonely in it….and it wasn’t for me……

    I don’t know if that makes any sense regarding your feedback which I appreciate in any case…. I do need to keep aware of my feelings about things…..

    thanks for supporting that…. xo



  330.  #331Sammie on August 19, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Mel,

    Now all I need to do is match my vibration to yours! Your energy is magnetizing! And, yes I welcome that great energy into my life too!

    Thanks for sharing!

    Sammie



  331.  #332Femininewoman on August 19, 2011 at 7:29 pm

    RE 333 Sounds like a real siren



  332.  #333AmazingMe on August 19, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    Sometimes we go through something horrible, well what seems to be a horrible at the time, but what we dont realize is that it’s a learning experience. Sometimes life changing, life altering, sometimes a small lesson. No matter the good, the bad, or the ugly in your life there is something to learn from it. No matter negative or positive we can sink into our feelings and use it for knowledge and strength for next time 🙂 It is not what happens to you it’s how you cope with what happens. You are in control no matter the situation, you can look inside yourself and find your way.



  333.  #334Tmizz on August 19, 2011 at 8:58 pm

    Daria –

    I don’t know why you felt bad about what you wrote in #98 re: quips and smartassness. It was amazing!

    I love the way you broke it down to Impressing vs. Expressing. That helps me a lot!

    Because I can totally relate to the male-energy-ness, and the fact that, for me it also has a lot to do with my relationship to my dad – in some ways even wanting to be “like” him, because he was always the “cool” one that everyone liked – including me. So of course it’s male energy.

    But then I have to watch out and be careful: am I saying this fun witty thing because I really am inspired in the moment, or am I using this humor to cover up some underlying insecurity (such as, “if I don’t say a fun, witty thing, then they will think I’m stupid/not like me/won’t notice me/I’m not cool”)

    Thanks, Daria. You have so many sides, and so much wisdom.



  334.  #335Emerson on August 19, 2011 at 9:15 pm

    I really needed this article. VEry timely.
    Sirens I have limited internet access…really missing the blog and the sirens!!!! I am so mad and had a terrible experience today.
    I found out that recycledCD has a female “roommate”…Im really livid because I feel like he lied about it…rather he omitted it from conversation because I asked him in the past if he lived with anyone and he said no…and never gave me an update so to speak,,,that he got FEMALE roommate…i want to puke.



  335.  #336Tmizz on August 19, 2011 at 9:34 pm

    151: alias girl says:

    “i feel curious about your two date ceiling. how do you feel about those date only being two? how did you feel on the dates?

    what is your happy ever after?”

    AG – Thank you for thinking of me and for your thoughtful questions!

    As I looked back at my post, I realized how fantastically self-centered it was. It was really supposed to be a comment about YOU. And yet – I managed to turn it all around to me. Oy. Attention whore, i am telling you.

    It sounded like you were having a really hard time with a lot of stuff, including the guys hanging up on you, work, etc. Now it sounds like things have turned around incredibly for you! I wonder how the guy situation is shaping up around that. Are things changing? Are guys following through more for you now and – well, at the very least not hanging up on you? 😉

    I bet that feels/felt nasty. That particular event is not something i have had a problem with.

    My 2-date ceiling, though? I hate it!! lol. But, just to clarify, it is not the case that I ALWAYS have a two-date ceiling. It just seems to be something that is showing up frequently right now. And maybe, for some guys, it’s just that that’s the amount of time it takes for one or both of us to realize that it’s just not going to work. I make that decision a lot of times after one date. And you sirens can get upset that I’m not “giving it a chance,” but I have learned, from much experience, that sometimes what I know after one date is really all I need to know. And prolonging it with further dates is really only stretching something out that doesn’t have a lot of substance.

    Anyway, back to the two-date thing. Yeah, I really just wonder about that. Because at one time in my life, going on a second date with a guy seemed to be almost tantamount to “being in a relationship” with him, whether I decided that was it or not. It was more like he was the one getting attached, not me. And so, if I didn’t want to be attached to a guy, I simply wouldn’t go out with him again. And then, once, I did go on a second date and – WOW! That was it. We were down the road to engagement and the whole deal. But then I pretty much walked away from it.

    I didn’t know it at the time, but I was scared.

    And I won’t go into a lot of detail about that right now, but let’s just say I was scared. And I am still scared, partly. So maybe that’s part of it.

    About your question of my “happily ever after,” that’s a really good question. I have some aspects of that that are very clear in my mind, and others that are fuzzy, or sort of maybe in flux. I think I am in a moment of reevaluating what my “happily ever after” might look like, because I am at the point where I have passed certain milestones where I felt for certain that such-and-such would have happened by now. So it’s I guess like when you go off-course on your GPS and the woman’s voice goes “Recalibrating” with all kinds of equanimity. I’m off-course and “recalibrating” to find the exact route to where I want to go, and simultaneously reevaluating whether or not where I thought I wanted to go still is where I want to end up, or not, or which parts of it are, etc.

    Wow, that was a super long answer. Thanks for thinking about me. The rest of it is stuff that I really want to ponder on and get clear on before I blog it here. But thanks. Hope you are feeling good, AG!



  336.  #337Tmizz on August 19, 2011 at 9:41 pm

    Emerson – 🙁

    In defense of Lucy, and her use of “this man” to refer to her guy – I think it’s great! Why shouldn’t she? And if it sets him off as being a separate person from her, so much the better!

    One thing that I hear about all the time from relationship experts, psychologists – and my Godparents, who imparted this wisdom to me, after I got engaged – is that one of the MOST (if not The Most) IMPORTANT things you can do in a relationship is to remember that the Other Person Is Not You.

    Repeat after me: the Other Person Is Not You.

    Very good.

    (That was for me, too. I have SO much trouble with this)

    It is EASY to get caught up in a relationship and the “we” aspect of it, and totally Forget that the other person is a unique individual, with their own thoughts, feelings, fears, agendas, etc. When you start to merge, and forget that the other person is not simply an extension of you, then you set yourself up for getting enmeshed, and it’s just not healthy.

    So, go ahead, Lucy. Call him “This Man.” Call him “That man.” Call him “Sweetie-Bunch-Honey-Pie-Face.” Whatever. Just as long as you are not forgetting that he is Not You, then you are right on the money.

    May we all be so lucky!



  337.  #338Tmizz on August 19, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    Okay, and now it is spam/rant time. 🙂

    I am getting so much of a frustrated feeling. Well, not really right now this minute. In this minute, I feel peaceful, because I am at home, listening to music, with a glass of wine, and I plan to take a bath later. I am doing what I want to do. I am taking care of myself and it feels good.

    And I am so happy for all of the positive outcomes that are happening on the blog. And in my friends lives – all the people who are getting married, engaged, having babies, finding boyfriends/girlfriends. Only my happiness is caught up with a reminder that that is not me. That is not where I am at. And even though I know that it is not “my time” (or else it would be happening for me Right Now!), it is still frustrating. It still feels lonely.

    it still feels: What am I doing wrong??

    What is wrong with me?

    Why are so many men attracted to me, and then nothing happens?

    I focus so much on being who I want to be, doing things I enjoy, finding my boundaries, expressing my feelings, and still – I push men away. I still do it.

    And I feel wrong and bad and poisonous.

    Even when a man tells me I am beautiful (and it happens often), and I look in the mirror and I see a beautiful face, I still don’t believe it.

    What does it mean: believe?

    I always thought I knew what that meant, and now I am not so sure.

    Does it mean to be convinced?

    Hm, I am not so sure. Because no one can convince me that I am: Beautiful, Sexy, Smart, Attractive, Wonderful

    if I don’t believe it.

    And I don’t know that I do.

    And I can’t “find” love if I don’t believe that it exists for me.

    And I don’t know that I do.

    I search into my heart, and I look, and I see “it’s there for everyone but me.”

    And that may be a lie.

    My heart hurts to think about it.

    I want to believe: There is love for me.

    I want to believe: You are taken care of.

    I want to believe: You are loved.

    You are love. You are wonderful.

    Beautiful. Inspiring. Devastating. Incredible. Creature.

    That you are.

    You can be.



  338.  #339Corin on August 20, 2011 at 1:20 am

    I can feel myself starting to get hung up on biological clockCD and I know it’s directlty related to him being out of the country/ less available recently. When he was hotly in pursuit I was almost turned off! Oh I so much want to heal my attraction to distance from men. I really believe that this is the main thing that is holding me back from the relationship I want.

    What do I feel when there is distance? Needy, grabby, insecure, inadequate, lonely, unconfident. Do I really want those feelings? NO. Well, yes I must do as that is the situation I keep re-creating for myself! I feel frustrated with myself. I love my frustration, my neediness, my feeling of inadequacy, my lack of confidence.

    What am I going to do this week end to make love to me more, to love all those feelings?

    Exercise, exercise, exercise. That always makes me feel so good. When I look at my muscles it actually becomes easier to love my body.
    CDing, I have two first dates this week end. I will practice leaning back, using FMs and staying in the moment rather than trying to intellectually calculate what percentage of suitable husband material they present. I will allow them to treat me well and smile.
    Clean my flat, properly SCRUB it so that it shines. Replace some flowers that are fading with some beautiful new ones.
    Give myself a mani/pedi using that new ballet pink Chanel polish.
    Catch up with a friend over dinner and a movie. With her I will continue to practice FMs and being in the moment.
    Let my boy arrange some more fun dates with friends over the next couple of weeks.
    Finish off my volunteering application and send it off. I can feel reluctance to put effort into this but I will find it so fulfilling to do the work and I feel really excited to do work with children for the first time.
    Read some inspiring books.
    Give some love to my skin and body. I will go to the market after yoga and buy lots of veggies so I can drink green juices all week end. l
    Mmmm with all that surely there will be no time to even think about unavailable men!

    xxxxxx



  339.  #340Violet on August 20, 2011 at 1:46 am

    Daria,

    Thank you for being open with your feelings and truthful to yourself.

    Just for clarification purposes, I refer to meeting a man for the very first time. For all intensive purposes, we know absolutely nothing about the other person. It’s just like meeting anyone else for the first time.

    This is just my opinion. I would find it unrealistic to attach expectations in meeting someone for the first time. This doesn’t only apply to men. It applies to women and children as well.

    By attaching expectations to a first time meeting is making that other person responsible to meet needs they are unaware of. It wouldn’t be their responsilbility even if we did know each other.

    I feel more Sireny when I do things to meet those needs for myself. That is in my scope of control. I believe this philosophy meshes with things Rori is trying to convey.

    When I fully embrace, love, give myself what I need… That delineates the thought that others should meet that need. I think people sense that vibe of ‘standing on your own two feet.’

    This sets the premise for coming into a relationship as a whole person.

    The point I am coming across with is that I, myself, won’t place expectations on anyone in meeting them for the first time.

    I wouldn’t know what’s going on in their head. I wouldn’t know if they are wanting me to meet an expectation I am unaware of. The pendulum swings both ways at that point in time.

    As, I stated, this doesn’t just apply to meeting men for the first time. It applies to meeting anyone for the first time. I figure, why set myself up for something I have no control over!?

    So… I continue to be who I am despite who it is. It’s the only way to be. I’m not about to give up ownership of meeting my own needs to someone who has no clue on earth about me.

    I hope this clarifies things. I have stated before. People have a right to their own take on things. Their feelings are valid just as much as anyone elses’.

    Daria, I commend you and embrace you as a sister Siren. I love that courage you have to state what you are feeling. I appreciate that it is your way of expressing who you are.

    I find it akin to having a journal. I write anything and everything I want to. I take time to read back and see the growth that has occured. I believe I can relate to myself and others more enhanced by what has shaped me.

    I have it set in my mind that the Sirs and Sirens use this format for whatever purpose that suits them. Rori has provided tools along with this format so that we can express ourselves and support one another.

    Thank you for reading this. I sincerely hope it has given you a glance into ‘who’ I am and what I want to convey. That of love towards others and a desire to see others blossom into a great glorious rose of beauty that no one can destroy.

    Your friend and Siren,

    ~ Violet ~



  340.  #341alias girl on August 20, 2011 at 1:46 am

    #318 starla. lol. xoxo. aw. that’s all i wanted. 🙂



  341.  #342alias girl on August 20, 2011 at 2:00 am

    #340 tmizz. i completely felt what you had intended in that original post from the other day. i totally felt “got” and cared for in your response. and then felt inclined to inquire of you.

    i feel curious about what you wrote about your second date conundrum and the sort of underlying meanings of what a second date might mean or might have meant in the past. your post is very revealing as to why this might be occuring and why you have focus on it. i feel appreciative you shared.

    for me, i am lucky if i get to one date.

    it’s All practice. and i am also practicing not being goal oriented with dates or try to find a good guy or my guy or anything. just dating to practice rori’s tools.

    i feel pretty goood about where i am at.

    i don’t mind men hanging up on me. i feel so much healing taking place. i don’t mind at all. 🙂



  342.  #343alias girl on August 20, 2011 at 2:01 am

    my body so sweepy. my mind want to keep going and stay up!!!!



  343.  #344Violet on August 20, 2011 at 2:09 am

    Re @ 347: alias girl,

    I love how you said that! It’s just so cute!!
    It’s like I want to find some smooshy poo bear for you to squeeze and squoosh as you squish yourself under those comfy covers and slumber off to sleepyland. 😀



  344.  #345English Woman on August 20, 2011 at 2:57 am

    #174 SLV

    I think mine is more a cultural smart a$$edness, I am from Liverpool and we have this rhythm about the way we speak, rememberThe Beatles quipping away in their early interviews kinda thing, we are well known for this style of speaking. 🙂

    I have no idea of how I am going to feminize this, I was looking for other Sirens to guide me ha ha!! Maybe I will just be more aware and try and tone it down (but not completely because this is part of who I am. :))



  345.  #346Patricia on August 20, 2011 at 3:47 am

    349 EW

    what about a Bette Davis twist to it?



  346.  #347Patricia on August 20, 2011 at 3:59 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFXI_MUfcEM&feature=related

    love it! she’s got spunk, originality, a fireball!



  347.  #348miskwa on August 20, 2011 at 4:29 am

    Great post!
    I too am doing the CD thing. I am attending an environmental conference and am practicing making eye contact, minor flirting, etc. None of the men here are going to “stick”, but it is still great to be around men that share my strong environmental values and have intelligent conversation on these kinds of topics. Have been seriously down this week because today is the end of the Leadville race series (this is the first year I am not running the 100). After todays race, all of the healthy folks leave, and this sad town reverts back to its downtrodden self.



  348.  #349Daria on August 20, 2011 at 5:09 am

    oh Violet – 🙁 I feel a sadness reading your post…

    you seem so intelligent and like Rori says sometimes “a no nonsense woman” which is great!

    you will do awesome practicing the feeling messages – I would love to read that on blog because i want to Feel connected with you

    reading the words now, thoughts about expectations and so on, I feel a big sadness 🙁

    love to you

    Daria



  349.  #350Daria on August 20, 2011 at 5:13 am

    thank you Daria for washing me

    thank you for brushing my teeth

    thank you for getting me water

    thank you for feeding me breakfast

    thank you for taking down my clothes off the line and putting them in the closet

    thank you for rearranging the closet

    thank you for moving the computer in the living room

    thank you for washing the dishes

    thank you for cutting my toenails pretty

    tahnk you for rubbing st joans wort oil on my feet

    thank yiou for writing my mom a thank you message

    thank you for doing t-tapp exercise last night

    thank you for doing Donna eden exerciser last nite



  350.  #351Daria on August 20, 2011 at 5:15 am

    thank you Tmizz



  351.  #352Daria on August 20, 2011 at 5:16 am

    Tmizz – i felt sad when i read you judging your ‘self centeredness’

    it would feel great to see you embrace and love that about yourself

    that is what i’m practicing here, believing that being all about me is wonderful and healing for all



  352.  #353Daria on August 20, 2011 at 5:25 am

    why did i put that last line?
    it wasn’t a feeling message

    it was an explanation

    ok what maybe i meant was i feel scared that *I* will feel judged for practicing what *I*m practicing and that doesn’t feel good!

    i’m noticing that fear more and more when I notice other people put themselves down – *that they will probalby put me down*

    I feel excited to make a connection that this is what Rori says men expereince when we aren’t loving Ourselves

    or well backwards that when we ARE accepting ourselves, they feel safe thta they will be accepted

    i feel excited with my noticing! i am healing i am healing!!

    yeahaha



  353.  #354Daria on August 20, 2011 at 6:30 am

    feeling jealous of these boys/men when i see them hanging out smoking chilling and having a whole group of them

    i want a whole group of friends like that omg i feel moved and teary it feels so AMAZI?NG !!!

    i also have a kind of awe and respect for Myself that i can go out by myself and do so much by myself that other people feel scared or ashamed of and it stops them

    well i still feel it and i do do it and i still feel LONELY though!!

    though it feels awesome to know that Wow Daria is all by herself and doing her

    i feel lonely inside doing it, adn weird! and kinda strong and powerful…

    and i feel sad now

    i love my sadness

    hmph

    i love my hmph

    i figure my going determinedly by myself will attract lots of people to me

    and it kinda does, like people love me,

    and i miss that group feeling of having it available for me

    and i want a more powerful role so that people are seeking Me out !

    and not people that i don’t feel good with like the alchol girls

    i love me

    im gonna go to the museum by myself in a lil bit



  354.  #355English Woman on August 20, 2011 at 6:47 am

    #200 Plum

    OMG I have been crying for hours over this, this lady could have been me in so many ways….how did you know?

    I have just finished emailing my kids……….

    I have lost your email address, if you have the time could you please email me at backinuk101@gmail.com

    Thank you so much for your gift to me. xxx



  355.  #356Corin on August 20, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Advice please! I feel awkward and annoyed. CD for this evening (first date, from match) has just texted asking to move the time back an hour and asking for ideas on where to go. I’m not massively impressed with the time change as it doesn’t really show he is asking me a priority but prepared to let that go. What I don’t like is him asking me to arrange the place. Ordinarily I would say that I prefers my dates to plan where we are going as that makes me feel more relaxed and special. However he is coming into my city(he lives about an hours drive away) and so does not have the local knowledge. I see this as no excuse really as other dates form further away simply look on google to find somewhere!
    Under these circumstances I am unsure whether to say I feel uncomfortable but make a suggestion where to go, make the suggestion without saying I feel uncomfortable or simply asking him to arrange. What would Sirens advise?



  356.  #357Corin on August 20, 2011 at 6:59 am

    I’m starting to consider not even bothering to go. If he can’t be bothered to treat this like a date, I can’t be bothered to go out! Annoyed! All other men, no matter how far they travel to get here, arrange the place and make a real effort. This CD is really quite good looking (in an obvious way) and my prejudices are that he is used to not making much of an effort with women because they are attracted to him anyway. Doesn’t work with me boy!

    Hmm, I’m leaning more towards texting ‘Ummm, I’m feeling uncomfortable because I realise you don’t live in my city. However I like to feel relaxed and special when somone asks me on a date and not have to think about planning where to go.’

    My NVs are telling me I’m being high maintenance, drama queen and we will end up somoene where rubbish when I can easily suggest somewhere suitable. I would have no problem sending the above text except he doesn’t live in my city. There again, why is he only thinking about where to go a few hours beforehand? That doesn’t seem like prioritising me either! Big red flags about hits date.



  357.  #358AmazingMe on August 20, 2011 at 7:48 am

    @361 Maybe you could suggest some places and ask him to pick or the both of you decide together.



  358.  #359Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 8:04 am

    I had my third date with R!! It was wonderful, once again!

    He said he feels comfortable suspending deep discussion of what happened in 2009, and he’s definitely returning to my church! When I talked about finding a rental, he asked if I considered living in town (which is where he lives)! That meant a lot toward him wanting to have me around!

    And now I have a dilemma: I’ve been getting to know Gar, and Gar and I have been talking about sharing a house together. We are calling it a friend set-up, and, I admit, friends with benefits. I would love the companionship of a man, and I would love to have his help. He has offered to help me fix up a place, and he knows about home construction, electricity, plumbing, etc. He wants to customize the setup of a satellite, etc.

    Now I would only move in Gar if he agreed to let me date other men. I have told him we are not exclusive, even if he lives with me. But my concern is that R is not going to be able to hang out at my house, when I get one. In 2009, MOST of our “dates” took place at my house, because there we had privacy, and R didn’t have much money, so dates were free. I don’t want to lose that ability to have a private date at my home.

    I hesitate to bring Gar home, and I want to kill the idea sooner than later if I am going to….because he is all excited and the longer I let this thing stand, the more of a disappointment it would be. It would be much more difficult to kill the idea if he was already moved in.

    I want to give my relationship with R a chance to rekindle. I don’t know what to do or how to handle it and I am open to CDing while R and I are still getting reacqauinted, but I don’t want to cancel out my possibilities with R by moving someone in. Any ideas?



  359.  #360Corin on August 20, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Thanks AmazingMe. I told him I didn’t want to plan and his response was a bit abrupt, saying he was talking about where to meet up rather than where to go. I don’t believe him and am feeling really quite turned off. Excellent opportunity to feel my feelings and express them! I’m so glad that most men I go on dates with are masculine enough to sort this kind of stuff out beforehand.
    xxxx



  360.  #361Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 8:05 am

    RiverGirl,

    RE; #162 – “Esteemed, you sound great! Feels good when the lovin’ is easy doesn’t it?”

    Right on! I feel fantastic, even tho I don’t have a home and am in a shaky place financially. I feel so much peace having R back in my life! It feels so good! I am still in love with him.



  361.  #362Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 8:08 am

    Daria,

    RE: #160 – I LOVE that!!!! Thank you!



  362.  #363Corin on August 20, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Esteemed, I feel confused. To me this all seems confusing and messy. I feel worried that you could end up in some drama here. Personally I like to keep clear boundaries between friends/ housemates and people I am dating. However that is my boundary and not necessarily yours.

    Have you told your potential housemate that you will be bringing dates over to your home?

    xxxxx



  363.  #364luzydel on August 20, 2011 at 8:26 am

    Aww todays CD went beyond to please me and come to me. He googled restaurants around my area and made reservations for 5 pm in a nice portuguese Spaniard restauran close to me…:) I feel so flattered



  364.  #365Corin on August 20, 2011 at 8:36 am

    Luzydel, he sounds lovely!xxx



  365.  #366English Woman on August 20, 2011 at 8:39 am

    #350/351 Patricia

    LOVE IT 🙂



  366.  #367English Woman on August 20, 2011 at 9:05 am

    #363 Esteemed

    Yes I think (feel?) it is messy too, if you are having benefits with Gar then where will R fit into all of this as you are still in love with him?

    You are talking about Gar move into YOUR place…..would this be a place in your name and he shares the expenses like a lodger?

    And this:

    “Now I would only move in Gar if he agreed to let me date other men”

    The word “let” jumps off the page at me………..



  367.  #368Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Hi Sirens, I feel comforted reading all your posts and catching up…
    I feel moved by reading your posts Daria and Ella both expressing similar desires of wanting to be part of a group and sharing in that love and bond.

    I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday with RecycledCD because I found out he is living with a female. I was so shocked and disappointed, he insists it’s just a roommate seup but I’m not buying it. I felt so let down yesterday and to get thru the rest of my day I was stuffing my feelings down at work. Last night I just prayed that I want to wake up and feel better, I want to heal this (thought of you Daria and how you say that you want to heal this…)

    I was getting hung up on recycledcd and I knew it, but it was almost like I couldn’t stop it…I just feel so attracted to him and he is so affectionate and fun and interesting, blah blah blah….I let myself feel whatever came to my heart and it was that I really like him. And now this.
    Yes I am cding but my other CDs have dried up almost overnight. I was playing phone tag with one and he pooofed…
    Another is very slow to respond (but then again, so am i sometiems!)..and nocupcakenocoffee dude has just about worn my patience thin and I am going to chuck him in the reject bin….
    Feeling frustrated and scared of being alone coming home to an apartment by myself every day and I dont want that….
    🙁 🙁 I love me but me and myself get lonely and I feel so sad.



  368.  #369luzydel on August 20, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I do not want to over function, but I have not finished my laundry and having issues what to wear for todays CD. I usually wear jeans and a nice blouse, but well they’re dirty and I only have dresses available, but do not want to feel like I am over doing it by wearing a dress. The restaurant is sort of family oriented-a little formal. Any sugestions?



  369.  #370Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 9:36 am

    then recycledCD threw it in my face that at one time about a year and a half ago I considered moving in with my ex boyfriend because I was kind of in a desperate situation….and ex boyfriend decided against it in the end because he would want more and I do not…and it would be an akward and weird setup if either of us are dating and trying to move on with our lives to say “I live with a guy who is my ex, no biggie”….not really a good way to start a conversation…and I think it shows my poor boundaries at the time and ex boyfriend proved to be wiser than I gave him credit for…

    At the time I got a bit irritated with ex boyfriend and really wanted him to move with me…because I wanted a man’s company and he is very handy around the house and is very helpful in many practical ways…but I guess I was just using him by asking him to move with me…I realize now it would have been a mistake.

    Anyway recycledCD was trying to compare my situation with his and htat he just needed a roommate to split the rent and the fact that he and the roommate chick have a history is a non-issue because they are not an item in the least…but he is full of crap.



  370.  #371T-Girl on August 20, 2011 at 9:39 am

    Luzydel – I say go for the dress! It is very feminine and not overdoing it.



  371.  #372Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 9:43 am

    Luzydel I think a dress would be cute…men love dresses and skirts!



  372.  #373Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 9:48 am

    I feel dumb!!
    I know I’m not dumb!
    I feel vulnerable!
    I love my vulnerable feelings!
    I used FM with recycled yesterday even when I was upset!
    I go upset with me worried that I wouldn’t want to see him anymore, but I stuck to my feelings and expressing how I felt…and even though he did not receive it all well it’s ok!
    I was true to me and my feelings and even cried, who cares!

    At one point I told him I feel unheard, because he kept interrupting me and telling me I was creating thoughts in my head about his situation that are not true!
    I told him it looks bad and I’m very upset about his lack of honesty and transparency!
    I’m not his go to F&%k girl! We are not even having sex but he’s been trying to convince me and I’ve set my boundaries and said no!

    He said he doesnt think of me as a F%&k girl at all…but I was so upset I wasn’t yelling but I was showing my unhappiness….and I kept telling him I have a right to feel my feelings ok…stop telling me they are invalid!
    I don’t want to talk to somebody wehre I feel like I cannot express my true feelings!



  373.  #374Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 9:51 am

    I can feel the way I do and its ok!
    I am not going to stuff it down because someone is trying to intimidate me emotionally!
    Its not ok!
    He was like blah blah I am too old to argue…etc, and I said this is not an argument and I’m too old to convince you of anything so think of it what you will….
    I’m glad I didn’t back down and I stuck to my feelings…I resent him saying its all in my head.
    liar and bastard
    I hate him right now



  374.  #375luzydel on August 20, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Im going to wear a nice summer dress with some flat cute sandals. I usually look like a banker when I go on dates, trying a different appreach today 🙂



  375.  #376Starla on August 20, 2011 at 10:48 am

    i’m going to my favorite body/beauty store today for a half off makeup sale they’re having, and the cool worker there is going to be doing my makeup today so i can try out all their fun stuff….i’m going to buy lots of sireny lipsticks!



  376.  #377English Woman on August 20, 2011 at 10:49 am

    #379 Luzydel

    Thumbs up icon needed here. 🙂

    Let us know if you feel a different vibe from other CD’s as to your style of dressing……….



  377.  #378Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 10:49 am

    Corin,

    Re: #367 – This is messy. I think it could very easily get tense. I have told him I want to feel free to bring dates over, but if he starts getting feelings for me, naturally he is going to feel jealous. I am thinking more and more it’s a bad idea to move him in with me…yet it’s hard to give the idea up cuz I have longed for regular companionship and the help of a man.

    But of course what I really want is a husband. And if Gar is blocking that from happening, when he is more like Mr. Right Now, maybe it’s not such a good idea.

    Ryan is #1 in my heart, even tho I’m open to continue to Circular Date.



  378.  #379Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 10:53 am

    English Woman,

    RE: #371 – I think it was more of the idea of renting the place together, equally. I have wanted that so long, but now I don’t want it if it’s going to cost me Ryan.

    And I know Ryan moves very slowly, but I know him well enough to know he is going to want to have dates at my house when I get situated. It was not random that he asked if I am considering living in town. That was his way of saying he would like me to…that’s how Ryan communicates – subtly.



  379.  #380Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 10:55 am

    I would ask Ryan to be my housemate in a heartbeat if I thot he would say yes. But we’ve had 3 dates after 1.5 years, and I know it is premature.

    What cums to mind is one of my favorite Michael Bolton songs:

    I’d rather be alone than be in love just half the way…

    COMPLETELY



  380.  #381Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 10:59 am

    EMERSON,

    RE: #372 – I feel you on that one…not wanting to come home to an empty lonely apartment at night…I have done that for decades, and that’s why it’s so tempting to move Gar in.

    And I also feel you on the hurt of finding that the one you love has a live-in whatever. I know it would really set my relationship back with Ryan if I moved Gar in. And he WOULD find out. I could say I just want to meet in public places, but that would only fly so long before he figured out there was a man living with me. Ryan is very sly and wise at figuring out one’s deep truth, whatever it may be.



  381.  #382Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Luzydel,

    RE: #373 – A man likes to see a woman in a dress! There is nothing wrong with looking your best! Hold your head high and enjoy the attention!



  382.  #383Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Emerson,

    RE: #374 – You perfectly answered my question:

    “then recycledCD threw it in my face that at one time about a year and a half ago I considered moving in with my ex boyfriend because I was kind of in a desperate situation….and ex boyfriend decided against it in the end because he would want more and I do not…and it would be an akward and weird setup if either of us are dating and trying to move on with our lives to say “I live with a guy who is my ex, no biggie”….not really a good way to start a conversation…and I think it shows my poor boundaries at the time and ex boyfriend proved to be wiser than I gave him credit for…

    At the time I got a bit irritated with ex boyfriend and really wanted him to move with me…because I wanted a man’s company and he is very handy around the house and is very helpful in many practical ways…but I guess I was just using him by asking him to move with me…I realize now it would have been a mistake.”

    I am not moving in with Gar.

    Thank you all for your input. I only get to live one life. And, I’ve made way too many mistakes already. I want to do it right this time. Sorry, Gar.



  383.  #384alias girl on August 20, 2011 at 11:05 am

    #380 starla HAVE FUN!!!!!!



  384.  #385alias girl on August 20, 2011 at 11:06 am

    #379 luzydel OH yes! summer dress with cute sandals feels sireny. have fun!



  385.  #386English Woman on August 20, 2011 at 11:14 am

    #201 Plum

    Thank you so much for the Tony Robbins links I can’t believe just how much value I have had out of them today!!

    I signed up on the webpage for the 5 free videos, wow this man is amazing as he “reads” people and turns their lives around.

    I remember he went to Australia about 7 years or so ago and my daughter’s friend went to his seminar as she was opening up an online business, and I thought he was this business type motivational speaker, I had no idea he did all this relationship stuff too.

    VERY VERY POWERFUL. Thank You once again Ms Plum, I just had another duvet day! 😀



  386.  #387alias girl on August 20, 2011 at 11:16 am

    #348 violet. 🙂



  387.  #388Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Ok, I sent Gar the following email and hit send before I could change my mind. I used some of Emerson’s words and made them my own…

    Dear Gar,

    How are you?

    I have been really feeling conflicted. I always feel a little weird about long distance relationships. I have been going over and over things in my mind, and I just want to discuss it with you directly, even tho I wish I could discuss it with you face to face.

    I am kind of in a desperate situation….and not having actually met you, I don’t even know what all you are looking for in a relationship. I don’t even know if you will like me! Even tho it could be argued that I am a hypocrite in wanting sex, I will tell you I would only be in a committed marriage relationship, ultimately, with a man who is a Christian. And this feels weird writing all this cuz it’s premature, but I feel it needs to be said sooner than later, because I don’t want to hurt you. And, I don’t want to disappoint you more that I already am by waiting to say this stuff. You have said you believe in God but you’re not really into Christianity. I just don’t see us becoming more than friends with benefits, even tho I know relationships can change and grow.…and it would be an akward and weird setup if either of us are dating and trying to move on with our lives to say “I live with a guy who is my friend with benefits, no biggie”….not really a good way to start a conversation with another man…and I think it shows my poor boundaries to be planning to live with a man who I have not even met yet. This is so hard to say, and I am so sorry to disappoint you.

    I really want you to move in with me…because I want a man’s company and you are very handy around the house and very helpful in many practical ways…but I guess I would just be using you by asking you to move in with me…I realize now it would have been a mistake. I guess this friendship/relationship needs to grow organically, just like any other.

    Please see that this isn’t personal – it’s just the way I feel overall, no matter who the man is. I feel really weird saying all this. I really would like to get to know you, and date you, and run a business together as we have discussed. But I have decided that living together is putting the cart before the horse, I am sorry.

    Your friend, Brenda



  388.  #389Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 11:27 am

    Peace is back!



  389.  #390Lucy on August 20, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Tinque,

    What if the man really wants to listen to some of your processing and has the wisdom, knowledge, and ability to understand and be supportive… (and consciously does his own processing as well)….and he feels better knowing some of what’s going on inside you…while respecting your privacy completely… and wants to do what he can to meet your needs…and is more than willing to change some of the things that triggered you if you both feel it is healthy to do so…

    What do you think? Am I supposed to shut him out of a process he wants to be involved in? I do tell him when they are issues that I want to work through myself (some I don’t feel good abt sharing in detail)….and he Never pressures me to share more than I want to…. but there are times it feels good and right and healthy and helpful and bonding and open-hearted to share parts of my processing…..

    ?



  390.  #391Lucy on August 20, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Wow, Esteemed! I just caught your last couple posts! Looks like I have some catching up to do…! <3



  391.  #392Mel on August 20, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    Another CD today (2-hour chat guy). 10:00 am morning coffee turned into a lovely walk by the river, tons of talking and then a refreshing iced tea before I headed back. We actually spent 4 hours together and I had a fabulous time!



  392.  #393Lucy on August 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    Tmizz,

    Thanks for your support regarding “this man.” Hehe. When I read your wise words on my phone last night in bed, I smiled as this came to my mind:

    “Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony….”

    “Wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded Husband, to live together after God’s ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony?”

    This Man he shall be.

    And so it is.

    🙂



  393.  #394Mel on August 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm

    I’m feeling curious about the “second date conundrum” as well. I wonder if for some men a second date constitutes “relationship” and so they avoid it. Just wondering if that can explain why so many seem to vanish of just keep up friendly chatter, but don’t step up. Just a thought…



  394.  #395Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 12:52 pm

    Esteemed,
    Thank you for your replies. I feel concerned that I scared all the sirens with my negative words and “hate”….thank you for your support.

    I don’t really hate him. I am just tired of s%&t not working out and I was not expecting him to tell me that he had a female “roommate”…gah I want to puke.

    I remember what FM or Plum or Tinque told me to ask for what I DO want, not what I DONT want….that’s what I’m striving for now…

    Esteemed I think you made a good choice not moving in with Gar…



  395.  #396Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:00 pm

    @ Ella 29 &31
    I admire you for pursuing your own business!! I wish I had the guts to do that….my Dad always encouraged me to but I never quite knew how to make it happen,,,nor did I have the confidence.

    I also feel that yearning for a family and to be part of a happy group like you speak of seeing in those photos…I want a family of my own and want those pictures to have me in them with a husband and kid(s)….

    I also resonate with what you said in 29…sometimes I feel like things are never going to change for me and my relationship status…expecially after what recycled told me, i’m so bummed. But as soon as I start feeling taht way, something does change and I just have to be open to it….



  396.  #397Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    398 @ Mel
    I have a couple of those too. Had an ok first date, then they keep in touch by texting or what not…and it leaves me wondering what???

    I have a question for you sirens…we talk about guys going POOF but now I am the one poofing….I had a cd a while back that has kept in touch and called/text and I’ve replied a few times but I feel very MEH about it…I don’t think I want to see him again. I feel like not returning the text/calls. I want to just poof. Is that rude?



  397.  #398Lucy on August 20, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    Emerson, I text them back if they wrote something that requires a reply. Otherwise, no.



  398.  #399Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:09 pm

    i feel tight in my throat and my head feels heavy and my face too…like I want to cry but I don’t want to.

    I have things I need to get done and I’m meeting a friend in 20 minutes.

    sometimes I feel scared to start crying because I feel like it will never stop and I will just feel so sad and spiral down!!!



  399.  #400Lucy on August 20, 2011 at 1:10 pm

    Or if they write something like, “hope you’re having a great day!” I might respond with “thanks :)”



  400.  #401Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    thanks lucy



  401.  #402Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    I feel so disappointed with recycledCD. I know I’m not supposed to get hung up on one guy but I got excited about him and started to open up my heart…he’s been so nice to me up till this happened and has been calling/texting/initiating/always pays, is attentive, I lean way back with him contact wise and physically as well…and he initiates affection etc also…I was getting so excited about using the tools and how I was feeling…so good…and now I feel so sad. .



  402.  #403Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    I want to heal this…and I want to feel alive again, not sad and dead



  403.  #404Corin on August 20, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    Emerson, I find crying really healing rather than a spiral into something worse. I would love to think you were able to love yourself while feeling your tears. Being ‘strong’ by holding things in makes it worse. If you’ve already gone out, I hope you can talk to your friend about how you are feeling and be vulnerable and open with them. I know how much it hurts when a man that is nearly right just lets you down. ((((hugs))))xxxxx



  404.  #405Corin on August 20, 2011 at 1:29 pm

    I feel proud of myself this evening. I’m feeling like I’ve graduated into ‘proper’ CD school for the first time. There is a guy who I like (biological clock CD) and previously I would have stopped dating to see how things go with him. However I went out tonight with no expectations and had a really fun time (helped with a couple of cocktails) with a new CD. I left after 2 hours and feel happy whether we see each other again or not.

    I could imagine actually having sex with this one without getting attached. That’s one of the first times I’ve ever felt physical attraction without the thought of ‘oh but I want to make him my boyfriend’. It feels good. He treated me well and I’m open to allowing him to do so again. However I have another first date tomorrow so I’m not worrying about him. That feels so freeing!

    It is so good to know there are tons of lovely men out there!

    I am still facebook stalking my ex and reading things into his comments but hey, baby steps. It’s OK. I’m dating other people. I’m allowing myself to remain open to him as well. I forgive myself. I’m really proud of ending things with my ex as historically i have ALWAYS hung on until the bitter end when they dumped me. I feel powerful!

    xxxxx



  405.  #406Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    Thank you Corin, maybe I will cry later since I’m already out at a coffee house with my laptop and if I burst out crying it may look odd…I am just annoyed with myself because I know my vibe is reflecting my ickyness feeling about recycled ….not sending out love and light and waterwheeling like I’d prefer to be doing. I’m trying to shift it by expressing my feelings on here, siren island, 🙂 and it feels good to be heard and know someone cares. Thank you



  406.  #407Corin on August 20, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    Emerson,

    Letting the tears silently roll can feel good. You don’t have to be strong. xxxxx



  407.  #408Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    when I start feeling sad, I get super sensitive to others that are suffering and I feel so sad for them…like today I saw a relatively young man with a disability and I felt soo sad for him, how he must suffer sometimes and get made fun of or looked at by people and it probably hurts him…I felt so sad for him like I was feeling his pain, but it was just in my head….
    I feel deja vu like I’ve written this before….



  408.  #409Corin on August 20, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    I believe deja vu means we are in exactly the right place at the the right time, doing the right thing xxxx



  409.  #410Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:46 pm

    Corin 411
    🙁 OK i will let it out.

    Corin 413
    🙂



  410.  #411Wildflower on August 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    I feel nervous butterflies in my stomach–I love my nervous butterflies. I feel tighntess in my chest. I love the tightnes. I feel short of breath. I love my short of breathness. I feel cold air on my arms. I love teh cold air. I feel some tiredness. I love my tiredness.



  411.  #412Mel on August 20, 2011 at 1:47 pm

    Sweet! Date #2 with this morning’s CD has already been scheduled!

    I rock!



  412.  #413Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 1:53 pm

    my friend is late meeting me and I feel so needy…I don’t knwo if she’s going to show up now or not…waahh…I feel needy and alone. maybe I’ll get a coffee and cupcake while I wait… 🙂 🙂

    I feel inspired to write the things that I WANT to happen…
    I want
    coffee
    cupcake
    available man
    man that lives alone
    man that lives with guys
    man that lives with dogs
    man that lives with animals
    man that is affectionate
    man that is clean
    man that is accepting
    man that is kind
    man that is a christian
    man that goes to church
    man that is open to going to church if he does not go
    man that is thoughtful
    man that is smart
    I also want
    baby
    adopt a baby
    have a baby
    a new job
    a fulfilling job
    an amazing job
    amazing and compassionate coworkers
    I love healing arts and working to heal people
    I love my imperfections
    I love my uncertainty and flaws
    I love me
    I love my wrong words
    I love my learning
    I love my hot and cold
    I am even tempered and warm hearted
    love others and myself too



  413.  #414Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    I so appreciate each of you!



  414.  #415Patricia on August 20, 2011 at 2:40 pm

    Mel….
    so glad you’re having so much fun….

    You Rock bigtime!!!!!

    xo



  415.  #416Wildflower on August 20, 2011 at 3:01 pm

    I just had a good experience with feeling messages and wanted to share! I have these torn emotions about driving since sometimes it feels like no big deal and other times it feels blah. Plus it is overfunctioning. I was feeling soooo nervous to tell my date tonight that I didn’t want to drive to him. In my head I was imagining all these awful scenarios of him telling me he didn’t want to get together but I decided to be true to myself so I said my feeling message my way:
    “I feel really excited to see you and I don’t want this to sound wrong. I just feel really exhausted of driving back and forth.” He said, (in a really sweet way) “Oh do you want me to come out your way?” I said, “That would feel nice. I don’t want to pressure you to do anything.” He said, “Sure I wouldn’t mind that.” 🙂



  416.  #417Lilybelle on August 20, 2011 at 3:08 pm

    416:

    I’m so ding dang dong happy to see you starring in your life. Damn girl!

    You are an amazing Rock Star!

    xoxo



  417.  #418Mel on August 20, 2011 at 3:09 pm

    Hey Lil!

    He’s REALLY into the bees! LOL. That’s what he wants to do for our next date. 🙂



  418.  #419Esteemed on August 20, 2011 at 3:15 pm

    Wildflower,

    RE: #420 – Perfect! I am copying your feeling messages! You handled it beautifully!



  419.  #420Wildflower on August 20, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    Esteemed thank you!! This feels huge for me 🙂



  420.  #421Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    I feel a lil bit better.



  421.  #422Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    I want to go to Latin America. 🙂 🙂



  422.  #423AmazingMe on August 20, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    Where is everyone tonight?!



  423.  #424Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Hi Amazing me! I don’t know…I think I scared everyone off the island with my earlier posts!!!



  424.  #425luzydel on August 20, 2011 at 6:03 pm

    Well The date went great! we talked a lot. I practice and paid attention to leaning back, forward etc. He paid for everything; I was startting to feel a bit uncomfortable because I knew the bill was going to be high. He picked a very expensive restaurant in my area. But then I said to myself, “I deserve it”.

    He said I look better in person, I was wearing a dress and my profile pictures look very bussines like. I thanked him for comming to my place and that that felt very flattering; He said it was worth it 🙂
    These CD’s are getting better! Yayy for me!



  425.  #426AmazingMe on August 20, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    @428 Nah we here on Siren island do not scare easily. Please let it out that is what we are all here to. Help eachother, vent, practice being into our feelings It is great!!



  426.  #427English Woman on August 20, 2011 at 7:08 pm

    Loving the blog tonight. 🙂



  427.  #428Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 7:27 pm

    Luzydel 178 that is great that you branched out of your comfort zone! I am and “avoidant” too sometimes….and I feel inspired by your actions.
    🙂
    Emerson



  428.  #429Emerson on August 20, 2011 at 7:28 pm

    430 thanks amazingme!!!! 🙂



  429.  #430FlowerChild77 on August 20, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Well, nothing exciting going on in my neck of the woods. I’m just doing my thing–he calls every night, but hasn’t made any plans this week, so I’ve been making my own.

    I had my six year old grand daughter here for three days. It’s so much fun and I love spending time with them. The youngest is four and they love playing together. (In the blink of an eye, these precious years will be gone.) Such a blessing, they are.

    I need to work out in the yard. My heart just isn’t in it, but I know I can make it look much nicer. I’d just SO much rather be working at the other house (xbf/bf)—but this yard is in MY life and that’s where I need to focus. Also discouraging is that the people around here tramp through this yard like it’s public property–stomped down all my rhubarb, etc. I need to put up some sort of ‘block’ so they can’t get between the house and the neighbor’s fence.

    Tonight I colored my hair (long overdue!) and did my nails, painted my toes, shaved my legs and all that. It’s a lot more fun when I think of it as loving myself, instead of something I ‘have’ to do. Can any of you skip more than one day between shaving your legs? It’s ridiculous! AND the price of shaving supplies is crazy. Razors and refills, etc. Insane! 🙁

    Ok…I’m going to finish reading thru the posts…and hope my nail polish dries before I go to bed! 🙂



  430.  #431Starla on August 20, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    oh me oh my i bought a crapton of makeup

    it was all quality stuff that *i* wanted though. nothing i felt i was pushed into. i have so much beautiful, fabulous makeup now.

    and my favorite clothing store was having a huge sale so i bought this amazing backless top that will require double sided tape to keep the girls in.

    yet it is super classy and fun, and nothing racy hangs out.

    then i painted my toenails pretty emerald green with sparkles

    <3



  431.  #432Starla on August 20, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    434 i shave my legs every 3 days. it gets stubbly, buuuut i don’t care. no one notices.

    and when men touch my legs, guaranteed they’re softer and smoother than their own, even with stubble, so it’s all good.



  432.  #433Starla on August 20, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    ummm, i’m pretty sure last night when New Guy dropped me off at my door from a spontaneous meeting, he said he’d call me tomorrow (that’s today) to find out if i had gotten enough work done to go out with him on a date on Sunday. But it’s 9:35 and I haven’t heard from him.

    But it was 3:30 in the morning when he said it…and I was the one who said initially I would let him know if I could come out after I thought about it. So maybe he forgot. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if he mis-remembered this…but you’d think if he hadn’t heard from my by now and was expecting to, he’d call me.

    and i don’t want to lean forward. I remember what he said. He said he’d call me.

    and and and

    ummm

    this stuff is the most challenging part of dating for me.



  433.  #434Starla on August 20, 2011 at 8:49 pm

    being stuck on his not calling in this moment feels bad. i feel like this is not supposed to be where my energy goes. and i would like to shift this.

    hmmm. i feel like i’m waiting around for his call. this feels distracting, anxiety inducing, and it plants little seeds of doubt in my head about my own boundaries and this man’s worthiness.

    this happened once before, where he called the day-of, and what i ended up doing was making it for a later time when i felt comfortable and not suddenly rushed. and i could do that again, except i was counting on him picking me up around 10, so i made plans for 6 with someone else and

    AHHHHH I FEEL PISSED. I HAVE THINGS TO DO AND I DON’T WANT TO BE TRYING TO ‘FIGURE OUT’ HOW I AM GOING TO MAKE THIS ALL WORK.

    and i am scared to cancel the tentative date plans, because i want to freaking see him and dress up, and all that.

    but this isn’t okay! this feels really not okay!!!

    i’m not sure how to tell him this without scolding him.

    i so don’t want to scold this man.

    actually, i do, but this isn’t about HIM. this is about whether or not i can feel good around him.

    ohhh this keeps coming up with just about every man. sigh.



  434.  #435Starla on August 20, 2011 at 9:51 pm

    urgh



  435.  #436alias girl on August 20, 2011 at 10:13 pm

    #434 flowerchild 77 i can can go so many days without shaving my legs. lol. they don’t get super hairy…

    more like when it starts to get long i feel like uh… hair removal would be good.

    also i got an epilator in dec and i like it. super easy on my legs and it actually feels good. i use it elsewhere and it HURTS. HURTS!

    i will get laser next.



  436.  #437Starla on August 20, 2011 at 10:36 pm

    i still feel really unsure how to handle not wanting this last minute confirmation thing and not calling when he said he would…but i am at least going to come up with a backup plan for if i don’t end up going out with him.

    for now i am definitely planning to start going again to my yoga class tomorrow morning. i was already planning to, but realized it would have made me late for the general time he had mentioned. but now i get to go:) yay!

    then what if we don’t end up going out? hmm

    getting dressed up in my new cute clothes and makeup and going to study for the exam i am taking soon.

    ahh, that feels like a great use of my time on a sunday:) almost preferable at thispoint hehe



  437.  #438Starla on August 20, 2011 at 10:38 pm

    i just dont want to punish him for not calling by not going out with him. that is the thing that trips me up…i wouldn’t be not going out with him because i made other plans with someone else…i would be not going out with him because i felt turned off and irritated and didn’t want him to think it is okay to not call when he says he will, or to keep me hanging until the last minute about plans.

    oh gosh, i know i have to tell him. or does he just suck? and i should call this a red flag and move on?

    gosh, i am feeling so confused.



  438.  #439Starla on August 20, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    the thing that makes it easy for women to accept this kind of thing is because we know he’s into us, and we like it.

    but feeling like i’m left hanging on things is not something i want. separate from how awesome and interesting he is.

    ohhh i feel scared and unworthy to tell him how this makes me feel.

    and when i have to tell them i don’t like something, i wonder if they’re “good enough” on their own…

    i feel triggered.

    sorry i’m spamming.



  439.  #440English Woman on August 21, 2011 at 12:31 am

    #413 Corin

    Me too!! We planned to come into this life and deja vu is a little reminder that we are where we are supposed to be. 🙂



  440.  #441Emerson on August 21, 2011 at 12:41 am

    Starla I think it’s ok to tell him you felt unsure of the plans since you didn’t speak to him yesterday…and you made other plans but you can also say you have fun with him and feel open to seeing him when time allows…
    and that is up to you if you want to see him tomorrow at a later time or later in the week…

    then in the future, he will know that he should make def. plans with you and confirm…not that you are scolding at all..

    I don’t think it’s that way if your approach is soft….sirens what do you think?

    Also if he tells you “well you could have called me if you were not sure!” you might say something like “oh i feel more comfortable when the man confirms/makes the plans for a date….”

    and then just be quiet don’t explain too much….give him a chance to reply (I say this becuz I’m bad at thsi part! 🙂 I often over-explain / overfunction)

    You are worthy of saying this to a man and just thing of it as practice…you can do it…



  441.  #442alias girl on August 21, 2011 at 12:52 am

    #445 emerson that sounds lovely to me.



  442.  #443Emerson on August 21, 2011 at 1:05 am

    I’ve gotten better at saying things to men that I would never say before



  443.  #444Emerson on August 21, 2011 at 1:07 am

    hi alias girl
    🙂
    and gnite sirens…it’s late…



  444.  #445Starla on August 21, 2011 at 1:29 am

    Emerson, thank you.

    I feel stronger reading what you had to say.



  445.  #446Esteemed on August 21, 2011 at 2:15 am

    Hi! It’s after 5 am, and I was with R from 1:30 until about 15 min ago! He called me up (after texting, to see if I was awake) and we went to the diner then for a long drive. It felt really comfortable, and we got along well. Here’s to do-overs! I feel so happy to have him back in my life!!!

    I felt him out a little about the living situation I was considering, without telling him directly I had been considering having someone live with me. At one point, I said, “I hope this isn’t too forward, but would you consider being my housemate on a platonic level?”

    He immediately said, “No, thank you, but I need to have the support of living with my family right now.” He didn’t seem offended or weirded out, just mildly flattered that I would want him as my housemate.

    Later, after our long drive, he said, “I still don’t feel like going home. You want to do something else?”

    I said, “Really? I’m game!” In his language, that’s his way of saying he is having a nice time and doesn’t want the night to end! But all we could think of was going to another 24-hour diner. I used that as an opportunity to say, “If I had an apartment, would you come hang out with me right now?”

    “Yes. You’re not allowed to have guests where you are staying?”

    “No.” And that settled that. I know for sure that I want to live alone. Even tho I would love to have the company of a man. Because even tho we are agreed on being platonic friends, I want to give this renewed friendship a chance to grow. We have both come such a long way!

    Our conversation was so healthy! I am going back to bed content! Good “night”!



  446.  #447Corin on August 21, 2011 at 2:48 am

    Just told a guy on Match that I feel irritated beng asked a question that is answered on my profile. Wow, I would never had dared to say that before! Boundaries!



  447.  #448Corin on August 21, 2011 at 2:57 am

    Hey Sirens,

    Has anyone listened to the Calling in the One teleseminar? I found it really useful as it encourages us to consider how we are creating our own patterns in relationships rather than viewing us as victims of them. They are doing a repeat 11am pacific time and i believe it is available to listen for a while after.

    I have no idea how to make this a proper link thingy but the address given me is:

    http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=22020483



  448.  #449Corin on August 21, 2011 at 2:59 am

    Yay, I made my first ever link! I feel proud of myself! xxxx



  449.  #450Patricia on August 21, 2011 at 3:13 am

    Good morning Chickies
    I feel excited and nervous this morning but it feels ok…..I shared with you that I met LD last weekend…it went really well….he drove 7 hours to come meet me and brought gifts, flowers, went for dinner, drove his vehicle, so much more….he couldn’t do enough. I kept it light and fun and it was a blast. We talked about what next and he offered to drive again, and I offered to contribute some to the effort of the distance (water wheel). So he invited me to his home. He wants to show me where he lives, his home, things, some friends and family etc. It felt good to accept the invitation. So I leave in a couple hours for the 7 hour drive. It feels good. I have driven longer distances before, flown to LDs, etc and this feels shorter. He has busted his butt trying to get ready for me (cleaning, sorting, arranging) and so it feels like he is leaning in and I am leaning back…only having to get there. He is staying in touch by text and phone in between visits and is already thinking out loud about how to make our visits regular and how he wants to do that. I feel so surprised with his words and amazed at his effort. It feels fun and adventurous. Yesterday I was feeling some butterflies around some triggers to previous relationships (when the bottom falls out of them) but I kept reassuring myself and doing loving things (manicure, pedicure, coloured my hair) and it felt comforting.

    I may not be on the blog for a few days while I am away, but I have kept reading and I am thinking of you these next days……..

    btw Starla…….I’ll look forward to reading about how the “no call yet” story unfolds for you…crossing my fingers in the best way……

    xo



  450.  #451Daria on August 21, 2011 at 4:33 am

    good morning!!!

    so to launch right in, some of my dream last night was bout battling some “dementors” who were actually some women, and eventually they had to leave… forgot some of that

    then the second part was with my highschool boyfriend was here, he was here and he had done Somthing nice for me but i forget waht, but then he did something about the parking and all the neighbors were annoyed

    and then *I* made some comment about taking me to dinner (and my girl was here too) and he said something vague that basically he couldnt

    and then i felt very turned off and angry and couldnt really get why or get back to feeling ok with him

    and then my girl’s mom was all encouraging us and ifelt kinda uncomfortable

    and my girl was Singing and i thought it was nice

    and i was gonna sing the song i sing well for them but didnt



  451.  #452Daria on August 21, 2011 at 4:34 am

    oh and also my other girls had been there and my girl had gotten mad at them and kicked them out

    andi think int he ‘dementors’ story my old best freind was there



  452.  #453Daria on August 21, 2011 at 4:54 am

    last night i went out iwht my mom and aunt and aunt’s friends… noticed i had feeling of *loneliness* as i didn’t feel too paid attention to – i actually recognized these as feeling and practiced sinking in

    then one of my gfs was going dancing and they came to pick me up… yay!

    dancing had a lot of people and i felt very self conscious – my tummy was full – and i was obsessing somewhat about that and how ‘standards are different here ‘ etc

    so i was having a mediocre time… well the good part was i was DANCING yes

    and i kept searching for tools to shift my energy

    when i suddenly realized i caould “:Open my heart”

    when i opened my heart and did this other thing i learned from a healer which is “everyone is my tribe” so i was looking at everyone as my brother or sister

    omg ! i started smiling and glowing and feeling fantastic and i was able to keep that up all nighta nd Dance and i felt wonderful

    i did notice some men looking at me then but i still felt scared to do the 5 second look though i practiced on some

    yay me!!

    yay for awesome time!!

    and i felt so energized i got home and stretched before going to sleep

    and also istretched the past two days

    thank you so much daria!!

    we got to the club at 2 so now realizing that my guy friend on monday musta thought it was weird i wanted to go home at that time, but i thought everything would close haha!

    yay me party!



  453.  #454Plum on August 21, 2011 at 5:21 am

    359: English Woman

    Check your email box 🙂

    xxx



  454.  #455Daria on August 21, 2011 at 5:22 am

    Yay for you Luzydel!



  455.  #456Daria on August 21, 2011 at 6:02 am

    lol i’ve been sporting my hairy legs like a true gangsta!

    hahaha

    but i feel interested how i feel more self conscious around certain men than others…



  456.  #457Daria on August 21, 2011 at 6:27 am

    feeling tense and triggered about some of the ‘lean forward’ seeming behaviors i am reading about on blgo

    what did this show up for me to heal?

    i feel tigh in my tummy, heavy in it, like i have heavy stuff in theere

    tight shoulders

    breath is big and measured like when i feel angtry yet tightending to not ‘spew’

    hmmm

    i love my feelings

    i feel curious about this deep long breath im taking with stone face

    i remember this feeling!

    i love my feelongs



  457.  #458Daria on August 21, 2011 at 6:28 am

    i feel disapointed, sad

    i love my feelings

    smile

    i lover my smile

    he
    ilove my he

    hehe

    i love my hehe



  458.  #459Daria on August 21, 2011 at 6:34 am

    Patricia – i feel sad and kinda worried

    it feels bad to read about your offering to cover distance…

    my understanding of waterwheel is all about him giving to me! and not just once
    its not about he gives *I* give back equal (or even close to equal)

    its more about I give back thank yous and appreciation…

    and then mabye after lots of giving from him I might give back something

    and when i feel unworthy I feel *worried* that he’s giving too much and get an anxiety and find myself offering things – driving to him, walking to meet him at the bus stop ! oh I DONT WANT TO DO ?THAT AGAIN!

    or holding back on things i want (items from the store, a certain priced meal,)

    feeling sad about this! 🙁

    wish you had let him keep coming to you

    feeling scared that this will disintegrate as now it may become a pattern that you each drive rather than him coming to you for the most part

    thank you for sharing your experience here so that I can take this opportunity to heal and practice



  459.  #460Jupiter2 on August 21, 2011 at 6:57 am

    Feeling sad. In fact inner fountain of loss and sadness is in full flood!

    Moving house. So Many G-ood memories and G-reat times and G-rowth moments here …yep , hes G-one !!!!
    And soon i will be gone too and I will have tenants in here while i reinvent my life for a couple of years.

    Had a lovely evening with D-man at a formal black tie dinner last night . He presented me with a journal to write my way around France in, and a card telling me how much he valued our friendship and how i had helped him so much just by our regular dinners etc…and how we must “keep in touch” once I move.

    sigh.. I felt very warmly towards him last night , but he still didnt take my hand .He did have us photographed together and introduced me to all his men friends.

    But I just feel starved for touch . And i feel very alone on this latest journey into the past . I will be ok, but it feels harrowing to me. I feel a gut twisting mixture of loss, and sadness, and desire and fear and excitement..uuuughhhh…could be all the bags Ive been packing and heaving lately:)



  460.  #461Jupiter2 on August 21, 2011 at 6:59 am

    Seems to be quite a lot of good things happening here for Sirens and I wish you all many hugs and smiles.



  461.  #462Daria on August 21, 2011 at 7:19 am

    aww Jupiter – hugs! i can really relate

    i had a whole one year without x-e-s and not cuz i wanted

    i did get touched but it didnt feel like enough…

    well i solved this by getting really bold about my needs

    i said I WANT TO BE TOUCHED

    i want sex!

    i wnat this and that

    i feel horny

    i feel turned on

    stuff i really felt uncomfortable saying

    and i did feel uncomfortalbe, and it didn’t come at first, or from where i though

    some men Did not react the way i want to and it felt bad

    but i grew and new men came in who Did want to give to me what i wanted

    yay!

    and i felt desperate and hopeless ugh!

    and even now i often say i want massages to men right away
    and sometimes i feel bad when they don’t seem to volunteer

    but just like anything – the driving to me thing for example –

    the more i get to feeling good about it (heal my anxiety / unworthiness )

    and speaking about it

    the easily it just comes to me



  462.  #463Emerson on August 21, 2011 at 7:19 am

    464 Jupiter
    I can identify with having the feeling of being starved for touch…I felt that way before with someone who had previously been affectionate, and we spent almost a whole day together before I said “I feel lonely and not paid attention to”…and he responded well. But I felt pouty inside and neglected anyway. When he asked “are you mad?” I started to say no but then I said “well YES, I do feel a bit angry that you were not touching me”…but then I felt better after he did



  463.  #464Jaspen on August 21, 2011 at 7:31 am

    Hello Everyone,

    I’m new! I have read Rori’s ebook and worked through her program “Finding Mr. Right” once so far, and am now going through both of these a second time. I will be purchasing the Modern Siren program next, but wanted to find a way to share & receive support around this work first.

    From what I gather, it seems that the best way to give & receive help is to post questions after Rori’s latest article and then continue on a new article post once it comes out, yes? There is no other support forum, is that right?

    Anyway, what a wonderful resource both Rori’s materials are as well as all of your input! I have my own question(s) that I would like to post, and I am very happy to offer my feedback to you as well. I am eager to get to know & connect with you!

    One last thing for now though – can anyone tell me how do you enable your own picture to appear on these comment threads?? 🙂

    Thank you all so much, oh, and feel free to join my FaceBook page at http://www.facebook.com/jaspenadelle

    ~ Jaspen



  464.  #465Emerson on August 21, 2011 at 7:41 am

    I feel happy knowing what I know now! I remember offering to make dinner for men for dates (or them actually asking me to!! OMG!!), even in the very beginning stages of dating…

    And I recall one particular guy even cancelled on me the same day, and I had gone to the store to buy all the food already and I was a little nervous about cooking for him…and he CANCELLED literally at the last minute and I don’t think I ever called him back after that, but he did get in touch with me somehow and wanted another chance. I was so irritated.

    I’m so happy I don’t feel like I have to cook for anybody unless we are married, then I will feel comfortable doing it!

    I am not comfortable cooking for any man right now! And if they ask me to I will tell them that!

    I love that freedom. Not going to do it. It’s great.
    I don’t even mind cooking. It’s just that I always felt this pressure if I did cook for a man…like if they liked the food or felt that it was not a fancy enough meal or whatever….yikes…like it was a homemaker audition. Ick!

    I keep saying the phrase “I want to heal this” when I think of icky things…like people who I felt bad talking to at work or otherwise, due to competetiveness or just rudeness…and I don’t want to keep those feelings too long because htey grow and get toxic…the bad feelings…

    Also i’ve been thinking alot about recycled CD and the current situation. I guess he has the right to do whatever he wants and if he had a female roommate well whatever…it’s a free country and he is not my husband or my committed anything,..in fact I told him I am dating other guys and he straight up told me he is NOT dating or seeing any other girl but me…interesting.

    But, the roommate thing it does mean that our growing closeness is blocked until that changes…i don’t feel comfortable getting closer to him until that situation is different because I feel very very uncomfortable.

    It’s just how I feel. He even said I can go to his house and meet her and see how the living situation is that it’s not romantic at all, and I said no thanks but
    maybe I should go see for myself.

    He said they were involved sexually at one time for a
    very short time at some point (supposedly before she moved in) but that nothing worked out between them and that she was just a friend and he needed someone to split the rent. Not sure if I’m buying all that. I feel so hurt and I feel lied to and taken for a fool. I mean at least he told me when I asked, but he should have told me about it.

    not sure? what do you all think/feel about me going to the house to meet her and see what is up?

    I am wanting to not be afraid of the truth…I need to face it instead of pretending to believe a certain story or think its a lie or whatever..I want to know the truth even if it really hurts. Who knows, maybe if I call him on it and tell him I want to go there and meet her, he will say no. ??? Not sure what to do here



  465.  #466Daria on August 21, 2011 at 7:59 am

    Jaspen – go to gravatar.com then you can associate a pic with the e-mail you enter here

    however that pic will show up wehrever on the internet you blog comment with that e-mail log in



  466.  #467Jaspen on August 21, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Thanks, Daria, I’ll give it a try!



  467.  #468Emerson on August 21, 2011 at 8:23 am

    I tried to add a gravatar…



  468.  #469Emerson on August 21, 2011 at 8:24 am

    Oh it showed up now 🙂



  469.  #470Corin on August 21, 2011 at 8:31 am

    Bah mercury retrograde and communication mess- ups! I just went to meet a CD for a first date. I was waiting outside the bar and texted him to say that’s where I was. After he hadn’t appeared and I had no reply to my text and it was 10 mins after the time we had arranged I decided to go home. I was feeling really uncomfortable standing there, unsure if he had stood me up. Then, a few mins later he calls to say he had been waiting inside the bar, hadn’t checked his phone and wanted me to come back to meet him. By then I was feeling a bit annoyed and had already gone to a nearby cafe to treat myself to a slice of cake (very yummy) so said I had made other plans. He was really sweet and said if I was free again later he would be around otherwise to reschedule.

    Now I’m feeling like I really can’t be bothered to meet another time. My NVs are telling me I’m a high maintenance, drama queen!



  470.  #471Plum on August 21, 2011 at 8:35 am

    I have been using the hair epilator system since the first Epilady wire model was invented. ( I think I bought it for the equivalent of 15 euros)

    I was sick of cutting my legs with razor blades. I was quite clumsy. And I was worried to get infected when I was on trips and bathing in rivers or old ranches bathrooms.
    Plus the hair is cut, still there, ready to grow, by the following day, you can feel it, thick and strong lol.
    I had to find a way to go on trips totally forgetting about razors and hair altogether. I think I started using the first Epilady hair epilator around 1988. I was in Mexico, and very happy with it. My legs would look smooth for about 2 to 3 weeks. (The more you do it, the longer it lasts). And when the hair shows again, it feels smooth.

    ( I also did arrangements with how I took the contraceptive pill, to make sure I would not have my menstruation during a trip 😉
    I don’t recommend that, really, but it helped me a lot. I postponed the blood for special occasions and it worked.
    That problem is gone now, I stopped monthly bleeding last year, I was 55 years old. )

    The hair plucking devices last for ever. You put the price in it the day you buy it and you don’t spend a dime on it ever again.
    It is time and money saving. In my case it is skin saving as well, loool, I was so clumsy I would sometimes peel off a good bit of skin!

    When I got in France, the power supplies are different and I could not plug my Mexican Epilady wire model in France. So I bought a Philips tweezer model in France. (Around 40 Euros)

    They don’t produce anymore my 1988 Epilady wire model bought in Mexico, loool, but mine still works. They really last for ever.
    But I have adopted the tweezer type bought in France. It is smaller, looks prettier in a bag, seems to pull off more hair at the same time, diminishes the sensation, and can be electrically rechargeable. Really handy when you don’t have safe electricity around.
    The tweezer I bought when they were first invented still works 🙂 They also last for ever.

    You also have manual epilators. They work on the same principle as my first prehistorical Epilady, it is a wire that traps the hair as it rolls on the skin. But they don’t need electricity. (Around 18 euros)

    Now, that’s me happy with my tweezer. I know it is not dealing with my health at all and I actually love the sensation. It relaxes me.
    But the tweezers and wire epilators are old news too
    loool
    Now the devices use light to stop the growth of the hair (400 euros).
    You would have to go on the makers sites to see their latest products.
    Example; Philips:
    http://www.philips.co.uk/c/hair-removal/21104/dec/#tabState=0

    I have been using the “Satinelle Epilator“ model for many years ( 40 euros ) and very happy with it. Mine is of a different color because it is the first one they produced, years ago, but same effectiveness.

    Xxx



  471.  #472Plum on August 21, 2011 at 8:36 am