Correcting A Man Is Useless To You

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There are so many books out there that talk about what to “say” and what to “do” – to “play hard to get,” “have boundaries,” “don’t let him get away with stuff”…and the IDEA of STANDING UP TO A MAN is great –

– but if you “play” at anything – if you PRETEND to feel a way you DON’T actually FEEL – you’re being untruthful to yourself, and then your self-esteem drops down to the bottom and then everything goes downhill with it.

Telling a man how “wrong” he is – even if he’s done something thoughtless and hurtful – is USELESS.

It’s useless to try to “correct” a man’s behavior because:

1. It makes him instantly feel defensive – and as he becomes defensive, he LOSES his ATTRACTION for you.

And when he loses his Attraction for you – he loses his MOTIVATION to work HARD to keep you and the relationship.

He doesn’t see or feel a way of WINNING with you.

He feels like he’s always hurting you or disappointing you – he can never do anything right.

2. Making him “wrong” makes him see YOU as NEEDY!

That’s right – he sees YOU as making him the center of your world.

If your man is good enough for YOU – you can turn your relationship around, and if he’s not, you don’t have to “give up” – you can just “lose interest in him” yourself!

I know it sounds too easy to be true – but this is how it works, and I know because I’ve tried to turn so many men who weren’t good enough for me into husbands and pushed away so many men who may have been good enough for me.

And I also know – because once I figured this out it was like I’d taken a magic pill – that you can both turn things around on a dime, and you can lose interest in a man you were once crazy about on a dime – all without any work or pain at all.

Love, Rori

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990 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 22, 2011 at 7:27 am

    Oh boy do I know u r right



  2.  #2Femininewoman on September 22, 2011 at 7:39 am

    Got this in an email, thuoght I’d share

    Fred Smith says, ‘One young woman worked for me matching colours of ink. She could get tears in her eyes over certain shades of blue. Isn’t this a beautiful match? she’d ask. I could never figure out what went on in her head to make matching blue such a remarkable occurrence. But all I needed to do to keep her motivated was to share her excitement and appreciate her work.’ We can find the right person by knowing their capabilities. If a musician has limited talent, it’s a mistake and a disservice to talk to them about the joys of being a Mozart. In motivation, desire must be matched with ability. Then: by knowing how much responsibility they can handle. Some people can take on full-sized responsibility but not sole responsibility. Something in their psyche says, ‘I don’t want the whole load. I want somebody to lean on, to report to.’ We can find the right person by giving them a reputation to uphold. One leader writes, ‘One of my bosses had a way of saying nice things about his workers that got back to them…and we couldn’t keep from trying to do more things he could tell. People will work hard to uphold a good reputation.’ Finally, by knowing what they thirst for. People have different thirsts. One of the secrets of identifying a person’s thirst is seeing what motivated them in the past. People rarely outlive their basic thirst. When we satisfy that, we motivate them.



  3.  #3Femininewoman on September 22, 2011 at 8:00 am

    I can understand a man feeling like we are his mother or teacher if we correct him, regardless of the energy or feeling message we use.



  4.  #4Datingwonder on September 22, 2011 at 8:38 am

    I need your thoughts, and this works well with the topic. So, a guy asked me out, and he just moved to my city, literally a week ago. He then suggested that I pick the place. I said that he should pick, and that I would be sure to veto if he made a bad choice (he asked me to). Then yesterday, he texted me saying he thought I should pick.

    I responded with – Hey there – of course you do ;-). Here are some hints. I then gave him the same of a few local newspapers who have best of lists and I also suggested he contact the mutual friend who introduced us. I also said I trusted him. He then asked about my day, and I said I had a great day, blah blah blah, and then I told him not to worry about what he picks because we are going to have a great time!

    I just do not want to pick, he just moved here and is only here for a year. I am well established and social. I do not want to be the full time planner in a relationship.

    Thoughts????



  5.  #5Femininewoman on September 22, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Hi Datingwonder. Is it an invite? Is it a date or just hang out? Do you know if he is romatincally interested or just looking for a tour guide?



  6.  #6Ella on September 22, 2011 at 9:21 am

    To be honest I feel a bit suspicious, often when we plan dates they don’t happen.

    And that makes me feel bad/unimportant.

    I have decided not to agree to anymore dates without a firm arrangement, date and time.



  7.  #7Ella on September 22, 2011 at 9:23 am

    Actually although it would feel great to spend time with you, I have decided not to have men back to my house to hang out without having some proper dates first.

    It would feel great to see you another time.

    (Special Thanks to Daria and Susan)



  8.  #8Ella on September 22, 2011 at 9:25 am

    Yay, I feel super clear now.

    Woohoo.

    I am ready to do this. I believe I am worth more…

    Now where have all the darned men gone??!! I want to practice!

    Sheesh.



  9.  #9la chiquita bonita on September 22, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Dating wonder, I would just pick a place. I feel good when a man really plans something special and thought out so I see were you are coming from but he could be of the point of view that he rather you choose in order to make sure he pleases you since you know the city more. If thats the case pick something specific and just one in my opinion it will take some of the nerves hes feeling. I also feel good when Im asked because I know its what I want and its for me:)



  10.  #10Ella on September 22, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Seriously I am starting to feel a bit paranoid… last week I had like I don’t know, about 7 guys in regular contact, CD-ing some, others in the pipeline… this week POOF.

    ALL OF THEM!

    No-one is contacting me!

    WTF???

    I feel lonely and disconnected.

    Oh well might just go into my Goddess cave and CD myself and revel in some down time/me time.

    Yay, that can feel good.

    Just had a NV pop up saying ‘what if there is a maliscious rumour going round about you!’

    Ok NV – thanks for your input now here is a cookie, go off into that corner and eat, and shut f8ck up!



  11.  #11Susan on September 22, 2011 at 9:44 am

    RE: 7: Ella

    😀

    I have a slight suspicion as to where the men have gone. My man temorarily poofed too…. FOOTBALL! They are watching football!



  12.  #12AmazingMe on September 22, 2011 at 10:01 am

    ELLA BABYGIRL you are an AMAZING WOMAN!!!! You are so aware and really in tune to your feelings. As far as your decision I am so proud of you and know it has been tough. Also wanted to give my thoughts about POF that happens there a lot and it happened to me. I just have a belief that that website is 80% bad and 20%good. It is really hard to know if people are genuine on there these days.



  13.  #13AmazingMe on September 22, 2011 at 10:03 am

    RE 11: YES FOOTBALL THIS IS TRUE I HAVE BEEN WATCHING IT TOO SO THAT IS POSSIBLE 🙂



  14.  #14Ella on September 22, 2011 at 10:09 am

    Sorry can I just say my posts 6, 7 and 8 are totally me working out my stuff and not a repsonse to the questions in the posts above…

    Just realised it looked confusing.

    xoxox



  15.  #15Ella on September 22, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Susan re 11,

    Ha ha ha… great! Yes that would do it!! xx



  16.  #16Ella on September 22, 2011 at 10:12 am

    Amazing Me

    Hello.

    Firstly just wanted to say about your pics… you are seriously lush girl!!!

    If I was a guy I would! he he.

    Re 12, was that for me? Thanks although I feel unsure about what the POF references is about?

    xoxox



  17.  #17Daria on September 22, 2011 at 10:14 am

    so my CD has called me lots of times but i felt too busy to call and finally i picked up his call and said

    he’s like ill call you tomorrow

    and i said… well if you want to meet it would feel better for me to know ahead of time

    and hes like ok lets plan something then

    and then i gave him teh time i wanted.. yay

    EASY PEEZY

    oh and i checked my texts from him and i was afraid i was gonna get turned off by passive agressiveness since i know i hadnt been asnwering his calls

    but instead it made me smile

    one of them said ill call you tomorrow bbyes!

    and the other said

    why don’t you pick up , mean girl

    lol

    haha i felt so good to read that

    it made me feel good about him



  18.  #18Daria on September 22, 2011 at 10:18 am

    Dating Wonder – you did well, and next time you can do even less… like drop the last line *don’t worry about the pics we’ll have a great time* that put you riht back in masculine energy!

    and…

    you can just tell a man… “i feel better when the man picks, im sure whatever you decide on will feel great”

    and if he insists, you can say “oh i feel really good at this one restuarant/venue, etc… (just one of your favorites)”



  19.  #19Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

    Hey Ella! Seems like you’re talking about living, breathing, in the flesh men having disappeared. Something about just showing up on online sites seems to bring them out of the woodwork for me -If you just want to practice some boundaries.



  20.  #20Daria on September 22, 2011 at 10:20 am

    I feel my tummy drop when i see people not liking POF . POF is liek amazing for me!

    anyways i don’t think it matters Where i meet them, what matters is getting in front of men to practice practice practice!



  21.  #21Daria on September 22, 2011 at 10:29 am

    today i was walking and finally was feeling a lil good cuz and some guys in front of me started commenting

    like ooh look at the young lady she’s so elegant and cute etc

    and they were gypsy guys i think and there is a lot of racism here and a lot of europe about gypsy people

    so i felt kinda blocked

    anyway i Blushed and smiled and they continued to make nice comments about me and ask for my number

    i did not look at them just walked by smiling

    this is what i do in the US too when guys holla at me, except sometimes i do turn and smile and let them get my number

    i did not feel brave enuf to do that here

    but i reacted similiarly

    and i felt SO good

    and i think they felt good too that i smiled and was basically receptive instead of mean mugging them and telling them off

    actually they were really attractive to me except i didnt like one’s shoes which is probably nto a big deal but still

    umph racism and all these blocks in my head

    anyway i felt good all the way during my walk down the street

    and i felt good that i Did smile and was at least open that way

    AND

    then on the way back some guys in the car yelled , Hey big titty girl, dang you got some big tits

    and i felt all smily

    and i felt all happy for myself thinking i bet a lotta women would feel offended but i actually feel GOOD with these comments

    and i gave myself rockstar points.

    whcih kinda reminds me of when i read Ella’s comments about slut etc…

    and i feel all giddy inside having now realized that my sexuality does NOT stop men from wanting me or being with me!

    wow… i worked so hard to control that before and now i feel like yessss so happy inside that i do NOT have to worry about it ….

    its like tehy get angry about it but it doesnt stop their attraction no way

    so awesome for me i feel like i have secrets of the world which i do

    i am like a magic goddess you know like Yoda

    like if people came to me i could tell them secrets of life that few people know

    i might still feel triggered with people calling me a slut but i also feel like a huge surge of energy and power knowing that it SO DOESNT MATTER!!!

    im like wooooooo

    its like slut! oh yeah? so what you know you WANT THIS!!!

    hahahaha!!! super power meeeee



  22.  #22roxy on September 22, 2011 at 10:45 am

    so i texted my ex to send me my tatoo picture. Yes i know.. What is the question? But i feel good about it no regrets. did nt say much just asked that itd be sent to my email.



  23.  #23roxy on September 22, 2011 at 10:46 am

    @femininewoman please respond #22 thoughts .. lol



  24.  #24GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 10:47 am

    This… is… pure… distilled… solid gold. Wasn’t even gonna get on here yet today, but my appointment rescheduled & something kept saying, look at Rori’s blog. When I got together with the man here, he *asked* to push & motivate him, and I bit that bait in the WRONG way… challenging, correcting, pointing out… ak! If I had known THIS stuff before in my life, EVERYTHING would different now, and never would’ve gotten so tangled up in the first place. My whole life of heartached could have been changed by simply knowing these pieces… and using them, making them part of my consciousness. Thanks you, Rori. I see how this has played out in all my relationships, and it’s all still changing, changing for better all the time. It’s like coming out of being retarded and being in battle all the time… into peace, connection, harmony, rightness, comfortableness. And it works! But regardless of that, it’s me getting whole and he doesn’t so much matter, and I’m not putting all my weight on him, like I thought I always should (omg). When I do these things, its just… me… being whole. And whatever comes, comes. I am secure.



  25.  #25GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 10:50 am

    (apologies for weird typing… must be half-focused… lol)



  26.  #26Daria on September 22, 2011 at 10:52 am

    ok so in keeping to my whole i don’t believe in money thing im realizing i was wanting it to get admiration from my father and then realized it will come in a whole different magical way

    And i thought what i actually want is a wonderful relationship with my family

    and maybe it does mean not living together for now

    although for me i would want to live with my family harmoniously

    like all living close by happily would feel great and natural for me



  27.  #27GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 11:00 am

    Daria, your posts bless me so much… and I never tell you that (or haven’t for a long time)… so I’m telling you now. Your posts often feel *so* good for me to read… and like, so clear, so honest, and such a good example of being real. I cherish that. Have a beautiful day, Beloved Siren ;}



  28.  #28Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 11:07 am

    DatingWonder,

    I agree with Daria. If you don’t want to be the “full time planner” in a relationship, then you shouldn’t do the planning. I think you handled it beautifully by giving him the resources to pick the place.



  29.  #29Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Daria,

    Lol! Re: the sl8t thing. Like I mentioned previously, I’ve been very careful of my reputation, yet I still get the “tramp” or “sl8t” comment – usually from exes. One comedian pointed out that when a guy wants a girl and can’t have her, he calls her a sl8t and when he’s had her but can’t anymore, she’s a tramp. Or something to that effect. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I think the word gets slung about loosely whenever there’s jealous of any sort present – be it from a man who can’t have you or a woman who wishes she has what you’ve got.

    As far as POF goes, it’s worked well for me too. Guess it doesn’t for everyone though. I don’t feel as triggered as I used to by it, but it just seems negative to me to plant thoughts for people new to online dating that it’s such a horrible place. I had the most horrible experience ever on Match, but that doesn’t mean everyone will. It seems to work for lots of people so I’m not gonna knock it. I feel frustrated. Like I want to tell the whole world how much cooler POF is than Match but I don’t want to color anyone’s experience. Just because I don’t like it, doesn’t mean others won’t. Harumph!



  30.  #30gigigirl on September 22, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    what do you htink… i texted the man i’m crazy about that walks in and spends short peorids with meand leave. I texted him after the last time he “quicklyleft” him that when he feels he can be generous with his time with regard to me that he should contact me but think about it first . if he can be generous with his time that would be wonderful but no hard feelings if he can’t. Tht he was certainly terrific either way… 😉 let me know how i did



  31.  #31tinque on September 22, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    May I chime in?

    It makes me feel upset when women are called certain names about their sexuality whatever their sexuality actually is and how it’s expressed. I don’t see this nearly as much with men.

    I say so what. You express yourself in the way which feels best to you. If someones else has a problem with it, that’s their problem, not yours.

    I call myself a hussy sl*t, and I m very proud of my hussy sl*tness. Of course it’s reserved for one man only, but again so what.

    If you’re not hurting anyone, including yourself, then I say do what you want. It’s YOUR life.

    xxoo



  32.  #32Daria on September 22, 2011 at 12:13 pm

    Omg thank you Ginger Sky… that felt so good… i caught my breath twice… moved…



  33.  #33Daria on September 22, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    gigigirl – hmm …

    well i say don’t text him anything, and telling him what to do, a no-no… and it kinda comes off as blamy yet not truthful

    it sounds like what’s really going on with you is you feel angry – so that’s where your work is! FIND YOUR ANGER

    feel it!

    why are you here? with this man that’s not giving you what you want… what can YOU say no to, without putting the responsibility on HIM to uphold your boundaries?

    it’s ok to feel angry! and it’s ok to say NO… and… once you get good at saying NO and saying “i feel angry” to a man, and letting him walk away and soothing yourself when you feel bad…

    which you will after practicing with lots of men while CDing … (Rori’s book will get you started, it’s only $20 and has the basics needed)

    well then things will shift Gianormously! and maybe this man will treat you differently, or maybe he won’t even make the cut for you anymore… because lots of other better men are keeping you busy



  34.  #34roxy on September 22, 2011 at 12:20 pm

    I agree with tinque. Greatly stated do what you want and how you feel. who cares what others think



  35.  #35lady-in-waiting on September 22, 2011 at 12:28 pm

    Once again, these postings are more than timely as to daily events.
    New guy
    dated out of my comfort zone for a year now
    have studied, practiced, practiced some more all new things
    like- no luv-me new me
    if he isn’t in front of you, he does not exist
    it’s all practice till the right one shows up
    lean back
    ride that surfboard-the waves won’t kill ya

    I am tired
    New guy. Slow. Eharmony. nice email. phone calls. he always initiates. Keeps asking out. I say yes. Keeps ending up with work/family committments at last minute. So dates are no go. Keeps calling. I keep saying yes. Stay open. CD for me. He says he wants one woman to see where it goes. It’s ok if I date others.
    That feels kinda weird.
    He Sets up big night out-planned 2 weeks in advance. 48 hrs before-when final commit for time/place is to be confirmed
    he drunk dials me
    tells me “you don’t understand -I’m crazy about you!”
    huh?
    Then there should not be a problem meeting me. Tell me when?
    He changes subject-“My whole family wants to meet you saturday, they know all about you they have seen your picture.”
    I had never even met the guy at that point.
    I continue, “You know I am working sat. That’s impossible. We talked about meeting sat nite or sun day. What time are you plannning?”
    argument
    Hang up. No date.
    Why would a guy rave about you and then bail before meeting? Multiple times.
    He said he had not dated in 3 yrs. 2 bad relationships etc. wanted time buried himself in work.
    Calls. new plan. this past weekend sat nite. I tell him if he pulls that stunt again-goodbye.
    Calls fri nite. Grandpa in hospital. Still going to meet sat nite. No matter what.
    I feel smart and I feel stupid. By sat phone calls kept on coming. With time changes. And difficulty.

    I meet him.
    It seems good. but weird. How could yet another meeting have even more excuses?
    He calls sun. Would like to see me again. In 2 wks. work/kids/etc
    could he call sun nite again? I say that would be nice. He didn’t.
    dopey me. I call him Mon. no response. from the guy who has called every day.
    I call again. Dopey me. I can feel it. The weirdness.
    I leave message that “it feels weird, like we might need to discuss some thoughts and ideas, that would be ok, let me know what you think.”

    He sends completely unrelated txt the next day. I ignore it.
    Post positive message about Grandpa on his FB. Cuz ya, I think I am being lied to. Big huge family was supposed to be in town to support grandpa and hospital. NO ONE
    posted on fb or commented on my hope everything is ok on FB. He has over 500 friends and a large family that was dying to meet me. He erased my post. I have a feeling Grandpa was not in the hospital.

    I want to confront him. I want to walk away. I want to learn.
    I feel ok and I feel stupid. I am sick of meeting guys with problems. I do not want to be lied to.
    I want to live in peace. I am a cool girl.
    How can you protect yourself from scams?
    How do you know if you want to handle his scaredy cat ness?
    How do you know if he is damaged and ya can’t wait it out or work with it?
    What kind of speech is it?

    I feel like you have not been honest with me. I feel it may be your issues with trust. I am looking for a long term relationship, like we discussed, however, I feel the foundation of that requires honesty, even if that honesty is uncomfortable. I do not want to engage more feelings towards someone who does not value that trait.

    Oh I just wanna scream!!!!
    and laff !!!!!!
    sounds strange I know. Already had another CD call, ask and commit to weekend date in the last 48 hrs.
    New guy couldn’t do it for 6 WEEKS.
    How do you know when to walk, or figure it out-even if figuring it out has nothing to do with continuing a relationship?
    I want to be heard by new guy. I want to say something. I KNOW it has to be cuz I AM NOT TRYING TO CONRTOL THE OUTCOME. I know it has to be with stating my feelings and then let go.
    Is it his bad behavior?
    And I can’t fix It?
    I want to understand and practice how to navigate it-so I can be stronger and smarter in the future!
    I also want to tell him-I don’t know what to say!
    Dammit!! I want him to call me and ‘fess up!
    I feel his fear of rejection overrides common sense in dealing with women.
    wow.
    I am not afraid to be heard by him. Just want to be. and I want to feel good about what I choose to say.
    Lean back?
    Practice a speech even if he never hears it? I can hear it and learn.

    Is this an example of bad behavior and how do you know if it’s workable and what to work it with?
    What do you think?



  36.  #36Daria on September 22, 2011 at 12:42 pm

    hmm so i wonder whats going on for me if sometimes i hear a person’s voice or read their e-mail and find myself saying

    Fuchk you!! fuchk your last minute offer or 15 interviews or whatever the fuchk you are asking / telling me to look at!!!

    ugh!!

    and then my thoughts are like, you are totally not conscious so selfish stupid stuck in your bullshit reality woman !!! (lets not even mention man)

    and im like WHOA

    i don’t even believe in selfishness

    i wonder what this is about???

    this is stuff about making money, and i don’t believe in money, but i do want to feel free around Everything

    and i do want certain things in my life

    and i feel so angry and triggered listening to some of these things!!!

    im like ugh!

    i feel really curious what this is showing up for me to heal



  37.  #37tinque on September 22, 2011 at 12:53 pm

    lady-in-waiting – If you have these many questions and this much concern, if it feel this bad, then why are you still there. A misstep is one thing, but this?

    It seems as though you’ve answered yourself. And you don’t need to take it up with him.

    And by the way those are thoughts in your speech maybe, not feeling statements.

    xxoo



  38.  #38AmazingMe on September 22, 2011 at 12:58 pm

    @16 Yes Ella 12 was for you and ur are sweet for the comment yet lately i feel like am i just too picky? But i believe when my test is finished and i get back to work..yay. I mentioned POF because well i thought it was u saying they have disappeared on you and u wanted to practice so I was just saying it happens a lot to me too! I thought it was me but I feel that those on the website are looking for flings. Just my opinion of course! Sorry Daria I didnt mean to trigger you with that comment!



  39.  #39Valerie on September 22, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    Yay, I leaned forward! And it feels great and right!
    I am rockstar!
    Thank you, Rori, for showing me how to love and accept myself!
    Now I dont act from fear but from love.
    And it feels sooo good!!!
    🙂



  40.  #40Ella on September 22, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    Amazing Me,

    Yes it was me saying my guys have poofed… although it was not from POF… these were real, live CDs 🙂

    But… I spoke too soon cus 2 just made contact tonight…

    And now it looks like I might have a plan for the weekend.

    🙂



  41.  #41Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    Tinque,

    Agreed! The discussion started around Ella’s concern that being seen with lots of men. She lives in a small community and honestly, I moved from a town with a population of 50k to a city of a couple milion and I still seem to be the “talk of the town.” Not because of my dating practices (either place) it just seems everyone knows what I’m up to whether I’ve told them or not. It’s flattering in a way and yet it’s somewhat disturbing as well. Now I’ve been seen with 3 different guys there in the last month so I’m just preparing myself to hear what a tramp I am. I think I’ll continue though. Might as well give ’em something to talk about or soon they’ll be making it up anyway.



  42.  #42Ella on September 22, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Is this lean forward?

    When one of my CDs is commenting on my status updates on FB and one of them is I have said I feel excited about the weekend, and he has said ‘ooo, how come?’

    I said I was going to an event and he was asking about it and I sent him a public invite so he can see the flyer.

    And I private messaged him and said ‘His name, I sent you an invite to the event so you could see the flyer 🙂
    I really wanted to go… and am a bit skint, and then my friend has now said he will put me on guestlist if I drive down…
    I am tempted. Don’t want to go on my own though. xx
    ..

    Sirens?

    Am I being a naughty (Rockstar) lean forward Siren or not?



  43.  #43Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 1:35 pm

    Rori says:

    It’s useless to try to “correct” a man’s behavior because:

    1. It makes him instantly feel defensive – and as he becomes defensive, he LOSES his ATTRACTION for you.

    And when he loses his Attraction for you – he loses his MOTIVATION to work HARD to keep you and the relationship.

    He doesn’t see or feel a way of WINNING with you.

    He feels like he’s always hurting you or disappointing you – he can never do anything right.

    ********
    Lyka says: OK, I get that one. No problem.

    ********
    Rori says:

    2. Making him “wrong” makes him see YOU as NEEDY!

    That’s right – he sees YOU as making him the center of your world.

    Lyka says: Huh???? I need some explanation about that one. Do you all get what Rori means?



  44.  #44Daria on September 22, 2011 at 1:36 pm

    ohhh i just talked to a phone CD the one i didn’t quite want to talk to cuz i would feel drained

    and i actually felt pretty good this time

    i also tapped my EFT points all through the convo and it seemed really easy for me to remain relaxed and open and in my body

    🙂

    we talked a lot about marriage and he actually asked me some stuff ive never been asked like where do i want to get married in a chapel or… i said yes or outside…

    and then he said would i invite my parents

    and i iddnt know what to say…

    u know… it depends on what my relationship with them feels like.. it would feel fun to invite them and it also feels kinda scary too

    i feel angry at them thinking about it, that i would feel all anxious for them to be there

    and maybe it would feel wonderful and amazing

    thank you CD for opening up my visualizing even more!



  45.  #45Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Tinque – #31:

    I second that. Have you ladies ever heard of the Slut Walk?



  46.  #46Daria on September 22, 2011 at 1:39 pm

    Lyka – yes, if you are busy making HIM wrong, then you are thinking about HIM, and not really paying attention to YOU and how YOU feel…

    it’s like all about him and what he’s doing!

    i can imagine it looks like nagging and like why is this woman so busy trying to control what im doing and trying to manipulate me

    while being about US, would be like, this feels bad, and walking away

    and it just feels all airy and free to move and like the Goddess is getting out of his grasp.. and he must chase her down and win her and please her

    no – clawing grabbing at him by a manipulating woman –



  47.  #47Daria on September 22, 2011 at 1:41 pm

    no Lyka , what is the Slut walk

    i am starting to really like the word Slut all of a sudden

    i am now wanting to create t-shirts with the word slut

    even slut bitch

    i really like the word bitch already



  48.  #48Daria on September 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    ella – i don’t get it

    are you being forward if you… what? invite the guy to go with you?

    i would say yes for me

    i would maybe ask if he would take me if i was rockstarring it tho. i dono it would depend on how i feel



  49.  #49Ella on September 22, 2011 at 1:43 pm

    Lyka yes re 43

    What that says to me is if his actions are so important as to throw you off balance and make you need to blame him and bring it up with him, far too much of your energy is going towards him…

    A Siren is far too busy playing, CD-ing and doing her thang to worry aboutr the bad behaviour of 1 man… or trying to get one man to change by making him see he is wrong, and how badly his behaviour affects her.

    If a woman does that he thinks ‘ah she is making me the centre of her world if she gets all upset about this’.

    How a Siren would deal with bad behaviour is to express in FMs briefly and then move on… if the behaviour continued she may express how she felt again, however soon she would move away from this man and onto something healthier, if he didn’t step up and decide to change because he sees how this behaviour makes her feel, without feeling blamed, and he also sees he will lose her if he continues with it, without her telling him.

    This is what I took from it.

    xoxox



  50.  #50Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 1:45 pm

    This is from Wikipedia, not sure if I can post the link here.

    The SlutWalk protest marches began on April 3, 2011, in Toronto, Canada, and became a movement of rallies across the world. Participants protest against explaining or excusing rape by referring to any aspect of a woman’s appearance. The rallies began when Constable Michael Sanguinetti, a Toronto Police officer, suggested that to remain safe, “women should avoid dressing like sluts.” The protest takes the form of a march, mainly by young women, where some dress in ordinary clothing and others dress provocatively, like “sluts.” There are also speaker meetings and workshops. Some objectors have remarked that this approach is an example of women defining their sexuality in male terms.



  51.  #51Ella on September 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Re 49 – And that is where I am at with my Siren Journey atm too.

    Because I am finding my boundaries and getting ready to express about some bad behavoiur with some of my CDs.

    Have been practicing some scripts for non blaming FMs for this.

    And I will express, and then see.

    If the behaviour continues and I continue to feel bad I will move away from and say to those men.

    And meantime I will be busily CD-ing anyway so that I am not too affected by the behaviour of any 1 CD.



  52.  #52Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Daria and Ella, thanks for your replies. I think I understand now and I can recall a few times where I’ve done that. I will try not to do it again even though my guy is pretty understanding and might I add, very special when it comes to communicating.



  53.  #53Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Ella, that’s very healthy! Kudos to you! 🙂



  54.  #54Ella on September 22, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Daria re 48.

    Well I didn’t actually invite him… just gave him the details and told him I did not want to go on my own…

    And that is what I was asking if it was lean forward or not?

    Not sure if he would take it as an invite or kinda general chit chat.

    Daaymn I’m not even sure if I am inviting him or not! Lol.

    Basically I just don’t want to drive down on my own… and I was also kinda aiming to avoid going with another man as my DJ friend who has put me on guestlist is kinda an occasional CD too and I will probably want to hang out with him.



  55.  #55Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 1:53 pm


  56.  #56Ella on September 22, 2011 at 1:54 pm

    Daria re 47 – I would wear those T shirts

    🙂



  57.  #57Daria on September 22, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    Amazing Me – aww thanks for saying sorry to me and considering my feelings!

    i feel great to be considered like that, and i still feel sad 🙁

    this thought “they are looking for flings”… if i thought that, i would feel bad 🙁

    so i feel sad to see another lady thinking it

    if it was me i would tweak my thinking to

    POF is an avenue to meet men just like anywhere where there are men… and i totally trust myself to say no to the men that don’t offer what i want

    and i totally believe that there are LOTS of GREAT men attracted to me EVERYWHERE



  58.  #58Daria on September 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    Ella – it doesn’t sound like you’re inviting him to me… just letting him know you don’t want to go on your own…

    so what?

    yeah using my mind to think about oh i hope he invites me… yeah that would be leaning forward.. and i feel the tight squeezy in my tummy right now that would NOT feel good to me

    but hey, it sounds like you’re doing great!



  59.  #59Susan on September 22, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    B = Babe
    I = In
    T = Total
    C = Control of
    H = Herself



  60.  #60Daria on September 22, 2011 at 2:01 pm

    Ella – wow cool! yeah sometimes it really helps me to go all out with something i don’t feel comfortable with , like Slut

    im thinking of making unobtrusive little patches that say slut and putting them on shirts

    then people have to get close and be like what does that say?

    then they look and they’re like WHOA WAT da FUCHK????

    hahaha

    that woudl be rockin



  61.  #61Daria on September 22, 2011 at 2:06 pm

    ooh or what if they were some business suits, like victoria secret has some awesome ones,

    and the INside lining, would have the word slut slut slut over and over

    sop you’d be at business and only you know the inside of your jaket has slut written all over it!

    ***

    orrrrr…..

    what if there were some stilettos and it would be written on the bottom of the shoe!!!

    so you could only see it when the person lifts their foot



  62.  #62Ella on September 22, 2011 at 2:07 pm

    Daria re 60

    Ha ha Brilliant! I LOVE it!

    xoxox



  63.  #63AmazingMe on September 22, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Thats awesome ella good for you re your cds poppin up. You know I used to have a ton of cd’s well i just called them friends and pretty much stayed social and it was safe and made me happy but…..I then in 2009/2010 fell in love and my heart didnt know how to protect itself from hurt so I became all that yucky behavior. I was needy, used to be online when i knew he would be. I was nothing short of some under cover stalker. I hated feeling so insecure and obviously i wish I had found Rori and you sirens here back then, i know for a fact things would be different. I blamed him a lot and took away his masculine role. That is why I am really working this feminine role as much as possible and being more caring towards me again. It wasnt his fault I fell in love and felt he broke my heart into pieces. Now he is no saint in this he did say some pretty mean things to me at times. This is when i realized i was not being realistic and this man who i thought i loved more than myself was actually not the man at all who i thought!Yes it was my fault also and have done a lot of self love and healing from all of it. This situation has changed my life. I am happy for the lesson and am a better woman because of it and for that i am greatful. I have learned so much from Rori and all of you I feel blessed!! I am a self loving goddess and focus on me and my kids and my family! As it should be but most of all i learn more eachday about the kind of man I want, what feels bad, and what feels good. I am learning how to deal with behavior I do not want and how to use feeling messages. Sorry this was so long but this is what brought me here and I love it!



  64.  #64Daria on September 22, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    oh i LIKE that slut walk!

    that is something i do in my everyday life and i like taht i can conceptually tie it to a movement

    i like to dress “provocatively” and defy the idea that it’s more respectable to cover up, EFF that MY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL AND I CAN BE RESPECTED AND AWESOME SHOWING MY WHOLE NAKEDNESS AND GODDESS SELF IF I WANT TO

    🙂

    i especially feel all special and like i have an awesome secret inside when people complain about young ladies or young girls dressing too revealing

    im like REVEALING IS AWESOME!!!

    i don’t have to let anyone tell me to cover my body or my sexuality unless i want to cover it

    or something like that



  65.  #65Daria on September 22, 2011 at 2:11 pm

    Thanks Lyka for sharing about it!



  66.  #66Ella on September 22, 2011 at 2:13 pm

    @ Daria

    “yeah using my mind to think about oh i hope he invites me… yeah that would be leaning forward.. and i feel the tight squeezy in my tummy right now that would NOT feel good to me”

    Hmmm, I do this all the time with my CDs… and feel the tight feeling in tummy.

    And I don’t know how not too, esp when I don’t have much planned…

    Is it something to do with staying in the present?



  67.  #67Daria on September 22, 2011 at 2:15 pm

    Amazing ME – i would not use the words “it was my fault” because nothing is ever anyone’s fault… it was just past patterns that you weren’t aware of, it wasn’t your fault and i know Rori encourages us to not use those words

    now that the past patterns are being noticed… well that’s wonderful and you are healing!



  68.  #68Ella on September 22, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Daria re 61

    Maybe you have found a niche…

    I would so LOVE those clothes… you could know you were being naughty without anyone really knowing, and that would feel so good.

    I would wear them.

    Fancy starting a sl8t clothing range?

    Owww, didn’t one of the other Sirens say she is in the styling business? You two could work together!

    Te he.

    🙂



  69.  #69AmazingMe on September 22, 2011 at 2:20 pm

    @67..Thanks Daria..your advice means a lot “ROCKSTAR” way of thinking yes this is healing.



  70.  #70Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 2:23 pm

    You’re welcome, Daria! 🙂



  71.  #71Ella on September 22, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    K Cd said he would like to come to the event (he just came out with it I did not specifically invite him) however his back is bad so he will see how he feels.

    I felt unsure how to reply and I said that I wasn’t definite I was going to go and if I do he is welcome to join.

    He said “Ok cool well let’s look at it as a possibility! Besides I may still be crippled an you may want to save some cash x”

    Which somehow feels a bit negative to me… do other Sirens get that or is it me feeling sensitive?

    Anyway I replied ‘It is a possibility 🙂 he he x’

    I am feeling a little bi vulnerable around this guy… I don’t feel Rockstar enough yet… when he left for holiday there was a funny bit where I got cross at him cus I did not feel he was into me and I had said I was into him…

    Ha ha, I was only trying to be authentic, and ended up leaning foward, totally by accident!!!!

    Kinda like saying ‘I love you first’ and then felt like I had fallen off a cliff.

    Super Triggered myself!

    So there is still some of that vibe residual for me…

    Gonna switch this one though.

    I stayed totally leaned back… far back, when he got back off hols, and ignored some ‘likes’ he did on FB and some other comments he made and let him come to me…

    Come on Ella – you are great! You got this. These men are easy!



  72.  #72Emoticon on September 22, 2011 at 2:35 pm

    I’m late again! CDing can make u busy! Tell me! How to I lose interest in a guy?? Sheesh.



  73.  #73Ella on September 22, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    Ok Sirens.

    Its here – my chance to practice with J!

    He messaged me

    Asked if I was up to anything tomorrow… said he wants to celebrate getting his job back and seeing me would be just the ticket.
    Said he will call me tomorrow… he hopes I am all good.
    and lots of kisses.

    Ok firstly ‘weeeeeeeee, he he he, ahhh (excitment)

    Second ‘calm down, breath… just words atm… not an actual confirmed date, and he is not actually in my presence’

    Right, now to the practicing.

    I have scripts for this.

    We are looking for authentic and my boundaries.

    Ok, well right now I don’t feel angry, suspicous or anything, I just feel majorly excited, and like we will see each other (on a high).

    But also a bit doubtful.

    Oh, and I feel an URGE to respond immediately.

    Right, what do we do with urges ladies… we wait…

    Ok, I am going to have a shower before I reply.

    And then see how I feel, and maybe read back over some of the scripts I practiced.

    What do you think ladies?

    Would be so easy to lose my head here and do what I always do… and its time to try something new.

    No date without a confirmed time, day, plan…

    Ladies am I doing ok? Am I along the right lines here?

    Remember J is my CD-ing Nemisis… the one who is most likely to trigger me to forget all my RR training and fall right off my horse (not this time though!!!!) so I may need a little extra Siren guidence to keep my feet on the ground as I deal with this one…



  74.  #74Ella on September 22, 2011 at 2:45 pm

    Daria help…

    don’t know what to say!



  75.  #75GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 2:47 pm

    #32 Daria Back from my appointment, with still much to do, but…

    …you are welcome, Daria. You are so awesome, imo. And I am so thankful for your sharings and your beautiful heart and words!

    As for sluts (I don’t know what the sl8t thing means yet), we’ve been having Slut Walks here… anybody been to one? I missed the last one, but basically everyone (even some of the men, straight or gay) dresses up like a sterotype of a slut, and carries signs saying things like “God Loves Sluts, Too!” Mainly it’s to protest against blaming and stigmatizing women who are subjected to sexual attacks by saying things like, “Well, she was asking for it. Look how she dresses, she’s *just* a slut anyway” and so on.

    That word “just” is really a seriously offensive four-letter word in my book… it’s so often used to lower or denigrate someone or something important, and take away its power and significance. I try to use that word carefully and not often.



  76.  #76GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 2:50 pm

    (My comment is awaiting moderation…as was my comment a few days ago when I used certain other words… so I guess we’re supposed to not spell out that “s” word on here… I am learning… can anybody fill me in please, so I know what to do? It seems something’s changed about our use of controversial words here? Thanks 😉



  77.  #77GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 2:51 pm

    Moderator, please change my comment as you see fit… I trust you.



  78.  #78GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 2:53 pm

    #67 Daria I agree, past patterns… noticing… that’s where it’s all at imo. Noticing, in and of itself is so huge & transforming.



  79.  #79GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    #66 Daria, Ella Yes!! I use my mind like this too! And as Rori says, he can *feel* that! He almost always pulls back when I’ve done that, and then (at least before I learned some of what I’ve learned here) I would moan that he’s pulling away “inexplicably”… and I’d blame him, and more. It seems it was hardly ever inexplicable. It was probably him reacting to the energy I was wordlessly putting out. Oh, oh, oh… how I wanna get over this manipulation I use with my mind energy! I’m doing better. I love my desire energy… it is where part of my power is… and I love love my wanting to change and be honest about this feelings… oh, that feels so good… to just be real, and let the crap fall away… and take care of, focus on and love on me & my life… then let that *overflow* to others, without controllingness or manipulation, resentment, or trying to hard. Aaaah.



  80.  #80Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:02 pm

    Yes! Sweetpea did! Sweetpea, do you design clothes? tell me more! i want to get into it!



  81.  #81Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Ella – going to catch up reading what’s going on here…

    i felt so into what i was reading which is that drugs are not addictive, it’s escaping from an unstimulating or painful environment that leads to addiction

    here’s one article about it

    http://www.walrusmagazine.com/articles/2007.12-health-rat-trap/



  82.  #82Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Ella – going to catch up reading what’s going on here…

    i felt so into what i was reading which is that dr*ugs are not addictive, it’s escaping from an unstimulating or painful environment that leads to addiction

    here’s one article about it

    http://www.walrusmagazine.com/articles/2007.12-health-rat-trap/



  83.  #83Susan on September 22, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    RE: 73: Ella says:

    “Asked if I was up to anything tomorrow… said he wants to celebrate getting his job back and seeing me would be just the ticket.
    Said he will call me tomorrow… he hopes I am all good.
    and lots of kisses.”

    Possible answer back: “I would love to celebrate this with you! I can’t wait to hear what you have planned for us to do!!”



  84.  #84GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    #66 Ella, Daria I think it’s something to do with focusing your attention energy into the present, yes, and bringing it gently back into *your body*. Into you, instead of letting it wander and try to manage other things outside of you? To simply be *with* the feelings and fears as they rise up, like Rori says. Somehow that makes me ok even with the more panic-provoking things… bc somehow being here now is so satisfying that I no longer have the need to try & manage it all… or fear it so much… ? I fear being in a really fear-making situation where I might feel too loose in that like Rori says, loose in not being able to control something that isn;t waht I want or is truly scary… but I know if I keep doing it by being in the present, that I’ll likely just feel safe and effective power in that moment, and not loose at all.

    What do you say?



  85.  #85Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:06 pm

    Gingersky – moderation on Jes*us, dru*gs, atta*ck, fuc*k as far as i know

    im using slut and sex and other stuff with no problem



  86.  #86Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Ella – i don’t know, my plan was to say, “oh I don’t feel good to accept an invitation without a time”

    what i said to my CD today was “oh if you want to meet i’d feel better to know ahead of time”

    or you can say SURE… and then totally make other plans and not be availalbe – although i have a sneaking suspicion you’d be waiting and hoping and not really makng other plans

    so maybe you can be brave and say somethigna bout a time?

    after all, you’ll feel awesome about yourself if you do… and … you’ll get to be surprised



  87.  #87alias girl on September 22, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    i just read rori’s new post here. i absolutely agree with what she has expressed. and i feel very happy to have taken the ‘magic pill’. 🙂



  88.  #88Mel on September 22, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Ella,

    “I have decided not to agree to anymore dates without a firm arrangement, date and time.”

    I have started to say “I’ll pencil you in. Just send/tell me some more details.” When a guy says something vague like “Want to do something on Friday?”

    I feel like it sends two messages…

    1. Yes, I’m open to doing something with you BUT…
    2. I can easily erase you from my planner if you don’t give me some kind of firm plan.

    It’s seemed to work well for me so far. I even had one of my CDs say (a couple days later) Um… can you INK me in for Saturday… why don’t we do ____. I also had a coworker say recently ask me if I may be interested in going to a concert with him in November. I said sure… i’ll pencil you in, just send me some more info. 5 minutes later he had purchased the tickets and gave me all the details. 🙂



  89.  #89Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    Ok possible response to J,

    Hey J,
    I am feeling good today thank you.
    It would feel great to see you and celebrate.
    What did you have in mind?
    Sometimes when we have planned things before they haven’t always happened and that has made me feel icky/unimportant.
    So I won’t say a definite yes until I hear a confirmed plan.
    xxxxxxx

    Sirens ?????



  90.  #90alias girl on September 22, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    and of course that, along with the tiger’s blood… i feel pretty powerful.

    i know this sounds like sarcasm and ironically, it is not.



  91.  #91Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:14 pm

    GingerSky – wow thank you for sharing that… yes that feels really good to think of just bringing my attention back in my body…

    i use this a lot with riffing and yet the way you phrased it for this is really helping me giving me a thing to DO when i get all into ‘managing’

    wow my body is feeling really flowy right now doing this



  92.  #92Mel on September 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    “also had a coworker say recently ask me if I may be interested in going to a concert with him in November.” K… that didn’t make much sense! LOL… I should really proofread!



  93.  #93Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Addition to 147

    ‘…until I hear a confirmed plan… I’ll pencil you in’

    What do you think?



  94.  #94Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:16 pm

    Ella – seems long… and the part about sometimes before seems ‘explainy’

    also i wouldn’t ask a man what he has in mind (well i have asked this but want to not do it anymore – i do it when i feel worried i won’t like what he is planning)



  95.  #95Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    Lol I mean 87!

    Where did I get 147 from??



  96.  #96GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 3:19 pm

    I see as I read more thread, that the Sl*ut Walks have been shared here. That makes me feel very good. I also participated a long time ago in the semi-improvisational play from Wayne County college or somewhere about a r*pe in which the victim is stigmatized & blamed… I was her friend who had to argue on the stand with the cross-examiner saying she was to blame bc of how she dressed. Lol! When I lived in London, a wonderful older man heard us young women in the office discussing the topic (in the 80s, when some really short & sexy clothes were popular there) and he said: None of that matters! I get so turned on by a woman in a long dress, like an evening gown, with a high collar and an elegant sillouhette… you can’t ever say that a woman’s style causes anything like that. It doesn’t matter what you wear!” A crime is a crime. And it’s always been notable to me how this passionate, gritty, honest, dedicated-to-his-wife man was so aroused by women acting like ladies… which i *never* understood! Now I finally get that — it’s about leaning back, and not trying to take up the same space as the man and unground him so he *can’t* act like a gentleman.

    Today I am flowing in deeper revelations about all this… and seeing it in my relationship here so much, watching it work, watching it make us both more whole and connected… seeing how I screw it all up and feeling regretful but not guilty (yeah, it’s just past patterns I didn’t understand yet)… with all the financial need and so on I have right now, can’t even buy food, etc… my business venture(s) are stalled and disappointing etc… I feel very very *good*!

    To be whole is good.



  97.  #97Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:20 pm

    Hey J,
    I am feeling good thanks.
    Would feel great to see you and celebrate.
    When we’ve planned things before and they haven’t happened I’ve felt a bit icky/bad.
    So I won’t say a definite yes until I hear a confirmed plan. I will pencil you in.
    xxxxxx



  98.  #98Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Point is Sirens I want to express how I feel about the flakiness – being asked for dates, agreeing and then they don’t happen.

    So I want to keep the bits about feeling icky I think.

    What do you reckon to 95?



  99.  #99Tulip on September 22, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    Just a flying visit to say thank you to EW and Sweetpea for the for the internet dating information and help.

    I will be setting out on that journey soon and will keep you updated..

    G’night all

    XX



  100.  #100Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    hmm i feel uncomfortable when i see sirens being all careful and tough on themselves about spelling and proofreading

    i feel kinda unsafe thinking if they judge themselves then they are going to be judging me too

    and i feel closed off thinking that like “i don’t give a fuchK”

    hmm

    i kinda just feel surprised and shocked when i see that

    im like “who cares” and then i’m thinking… wait obviously someone cares don’t be insensistive

    hmmm

    i love me

    i am judging myself as insensitive

    i love me

    i feel all defensive and squirrely

    i feel a lil bit scared when i see that. and disappointed.

    orrr

    well i feel triggered to control

    to STOP THEM FROM WORRYING ABOUT THAT OR CARING

    what’s underneath that

    well i know i am not interested in monitoring myself that way, so it feels uncomfortable to see others doing it…

    why

    maybe i secretly AM monitoring myself

    i am an excellent speller and grammar person

    but just right now i was on a forum and writing to impress and i edited myself etc

    hmmm

    theres something more here

    and i feel all URGENT to stop writing and pay attention to something else

    which is reading all the previous posts.

    i will actually do that, then return to posting on this post

    done.

    ok i didn’t liek “ill pencil you in, send/tell me some more details”

    i didn’t get at first that pencil you in means i will tentatively schedule, and also cuz it seemed directive.

    and then when i heard about the results of instant confirmations i liked that

    hmmm

    how would that work for me

    i knwo rori does say to say “tell me more” when we want to hear about a topic we like

    hmmm

    how would this work for me?

    i don’t know…

    for me i can stick with

    oh sure friday would feel great, and if u want to meet i feel better to know a time ahead of time

    in the end the words will come once i have my boundary in place

    i can express it a bazillion different ways cuz my boundary is not going anywhere

    and i can still feel excited to see the man and know that my boundary is not going anywhre

    like my boundary on not calling men

    i don’t even notice it now, and it hardly ever comes up

    its mostly all in my tone….

    ohh… well i just don’t feel good calling a guy 🙁

    thats it



  101.  #101Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:32 pm

    Ella – i think about that Rori’s post here is adressing that… how making him wrong is not really where its at

    even if its in my head …

    talking about ‘flakiness’ seems like that to me…

    i mean its on me to not agree if i don’t want to

    if it doesn’t feel good i just don’t want to agree



  102.  #102Lyka on September 22, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Ella, I don’t know…it sounds a bit cold.



  103.  #103Emoticon on September 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    I’m at a school meeting for Caribbean students right now having lots of fun



  104.  #104GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    #90 Aw, Daria… that feels so good to me, to hear that & to feel you flow in your flowiness and be in your body… lol! I feel so happy now 😉

    The weather here has for days been poetically gray and sprinkly-rainy… and it’s beautiful… all the colors of plants are deeply rich & bright in the gray light, with moisture on them… that’s how I feel inside when I’m feeling flowy and in my sweet body with my sweet mind quieted… I can now almost *feel* my actual boundary walls… and it does not feel like a prison, finally, for once. Not like solitary confinement today, and which I usually never noticed before. Or like I need to reach out and take anything from anyone or compel anyone to give me what I lack… I don’t feel like an emotional criminal or game-player as much in this moment… I’m not in anybody’s business so much, but my own… in these walls where all that’s needed is possible… in every moment… (psalm 4?)

    I’ve worked so hard at not working so hard, and letting the man be who he is – period – with no judgments from me. (He’s spent over a year and a half trying to get me to see how I judge him and how much he hates it, and I almost always totally deny it, make it his bad, then a few days later, darn it all, I realize he was *right*.) I screwed up again recently (he’s an odd duck, one reason he matches me imo, and how he expresses himself about us can seem cold. But when I leaned back after the big argument, focused on me in a healthy way, left it alone and didn’t give into his impersonal/transpersonal requests for cuddling, he **apologized** the next day or two (OMG!), and said he didn’t mean to be so much that way, and he’s glad I resisted that, and it really was *me* he missed… big changes fwiw?

    And great learning experience for me, no matter what happens.

    I’ve been leading other people in connecting group meditation and eyegazing… and counseling a woman (who got “dumped” by another person in our group) in Byron Katie work… wanna get certified in that but can’t yet… we’ve been releasing lots of tears and honest emotions… she was *so awesome* & raw in honesty and vulnerability and fury… one of my housemates I had for a short time and they had to leave yesterday. I am sad and lonely, and seeing how loneliness affects me (hoarding, discouragement, not cleaning house and taking care of me, trying to be super-capable and take are of everyone else instead… bleh)…

    … and right now, simply present to all this… and how Daria is flowing in her presentness, and I in mine. So quiet, so empty, and yet so full.



  105.  #105Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    Ok thanks for helping me on this and Argh this is feeling difficult right now.

    I am not planning to tell he he is flaky at all.

    Rori says to tell a man how we feel about stuff. I feel bad about agreeing to dates and then them not happening.

    I want to express this to him.

    And I want to make this a new boundary for me to not continue to accept dates with guys who flake on me…

    And I want to tell him how I feel first, rather than just a flat out ‘No’ cus then he won’t have a clue why and will never have a chance to step up for me by observing my boundary.

    Unless I express it.

    I want to express it so he knows how I feel.

    Then if he does it again I will say no another time and he will know why…?

    I’m feeling a little lost now.



  106.  #106GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 3:51 pm

    #87 Mel & Ella Good words, Mel. I don’t know all Rori’s techniques yet, but I do know that coming up in inflection at the end of a sentence when talking with men helps a lot. Try saying something like this in three ways, going down at end of sentence, staying flat, then coming way up… pretend you are a man and see what it feels like for you: “Friday might be nice. Will you let me know when you’re sure?”

    (Like, yeah, I like you, may like spending time with you… you have NO assurance of it… but if you nail it down you’ll get to see where I land (which they love), and you might have a much better chance of winning this prize that is me, and earning an evening having a great time in my valuable presence 😉

    They respond so well to this ime. And it’s not a control thing, simply us being in our feminine energy* and thereby *being whole*! They don’t even matter.



  107.  #107Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:52 pm

    Daria

    Feeling a bit low energy seeing the stuff about proof reading and being careful.

    I feel a bit defensive.

    Like, I am scripting on here like other Sirens do, and it matters to me…

    Ooof, I feel a bit sad.



  108.  #108GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 3:54 pm

    I mean pertend like you’re a man hearing you as you *say* this in three different ways, and how it would feel to your masculinity to hear it… or actually test this out on your brother or guy friends & ask their feedback.. I’m sure this is in Rori’s material… when I get my business ideas going, I’ll buy all the materials and find out, soon as can! (And sometimes I’d rather get her materials than buy lots of food, etc, bc it has helped me that much).



  109.  #109Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Friday might be nice, it would feel good to see you and it feels a bit icky say yes without a confirmed time and plan.

    OR

    It would feel great to see you and celebrate. I feel bad when I get excited about stuff and it doesn’t happen so I’ll wait to say a definite yes until you confirm! xxxx



  110.  #110Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    back to Daria…

    when CD will ask ME out and i know he’s flaked…

    “he will say” can i come see u today?

    and i will say “(dammit feeling all blank imagining this)”

    “oh, i don’t feel good to accept on short notice”

    what if im free?

    Fuchk him

    hmmmmf

    i love it when men ask me hey whatysa doing ima come up and smoke wit u

    yeah, i Did love it but then felt kinda bored with it remember?

    what if they just want to take me to lunch

    i love bieng taken to lunch

    welll

    it can be ahead of time… yeah?

    yeah
    i can EXPERIMENT WITH THIS

    experiment

    if i don’t like it, i can change it back

    (but i know once i start, i won’t want to haha… i may ‘slip’ and feel crappy and then go right back to it)

    cuz it makes me feel “grown” and “like a lady”

    and i guess i want that

    and i can accept the last minute stuff from friends

    or from men who… well i like some last minute stuff!!!

    like when im chilling and they call and they’re like

    well i HOPE they say they’re gonna come see me now

    that would mean i’d have to feel really busy and fulfilled already to not take them on the spot.

    i can do that…

    yeah?

    i dono :((((

    i feel like that now….

    do i ?

    sorta…

    what if they’re asking me to awesome stuff like clubbing?

    waht if my selecting this boundary actually makes my social life SO MUCH MORE EXCITING

    cuz like 10 times as many men show up to fill up my schedule ahead of time with amazing activities?

    huh?

    that woudl rock!!1

    ok so i can say…

    well that would mean i’d have to schedule my days ahead of time huh…

    omg i will really be making them men work for it!

    what about my papi hawkman

    he will call and say…. i wanna come see u babe

    ill say ok that will feel good…

    and he’ll say

    ok im coming tomorrow

    i’ll say

    oh i don’t feel good to accept an invitation without a time

    he’ll say

    what do you mean babe

    i’ll say

    i don’t feel good about a date without a time

    he’ll say babe i don’t know how long it will take me to get there, i’ve never been there

    and ill feel sooo guilty nad tugged in my heart

    and then i’ll say

    im sure you can figure it out papi

    he’ll say

    i don’t know why you’re being so difficult

    (or he wont. and i’ll feel like i’ll lose him cuz im being difficult and turning him off, ie making him not feel attractive cuz im making him feel like he can’t please me)

    nad maybe he CAN:T!

    and i can live!

    i WILL LIVE

    and heal myself

    omg

    none of the cool guys are gonna be able to do this!!!

    cuz everyone knows cool guys CANNOT make plans ahead of time, they are too cool (and irresponsible)

    so i will be going out with DORKS

    i feel teary

    OMG YES I CAN DO THIS

    i will weed them out

    yes yes yes

    only my guy friends will get to kick it with me last minute

    and those are, og friend, my singer friend, my hs best friend, and my rasta friend, and my neighbor

    even T-man will not get to see me last minute

    and what about… Getright

    no, i don’t want to hang out as friends

    if he asks me for a date, enuf will have changed with him that i know i can tell him i don’t feel good about short notice invitations

    hmmmm

    what if, my fear that my wonderful flow of nonstop men will dry,

    like i said, will actually mean that instead i will be FLOODED with like a waterfall of men … like a step waterfall of them all scheduling with me ahead of time and ish!

    that will be rockin!!!

    yes, when i say NO, i get BETTER!

    i KN”OW THIS

    this feels so exciting

    so what if SexyCD calls.

    I felt icky talking to sexy cd last time

    i will say

    oh i feel excited to see u. and i don’t feel good about accepting on short notice

    ok i want to see u tomorrow

    ok that would feel nice… i don’t feel good about accepting an invitation without a time

    sounding all boujie

    fuchk it

    i am bougie

    i will OWN IT

    i can ROCK IT

    i can rock the i don’t call men

    so i can rock the i don’t accept invitations without a time

    ha

    who the hell do you think you are?

    Princess D that’s who

    motha uchka

    waaat

    this is great!

    i feel teary

    but won’t that push away all the free flowy, rasta, one love, spiritual guys that might be a good fit for me?

    well fuchk it

    they better get with the program

    cuz i have this stuck up, boujie side to me,

    and i want my man to fulfill it

    i want to prove to myself i deserve to be treated like a totally stuck up Bitch

    and they can help me

    or they can take their soft flowy asses

    somewhere ELSE

    yeah!!!!



  111.  #111Ella on September 22, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    Btw Mel and Susan also thanks for the help.

    Mel – I like the thing about I’ll pencil you in till I hear back…

    xoxox



  112.  #112luzydel on September 22, 2011 at 3:57 pm

    I have leaned forward a few times LOL.

    Some times I txt MRNCD and to say good morning; most of the time he beats me and say it first.
    I have not asked him on a date since he usually is the one who does. I am not CDing three men at once LOL, nor am I expecting a ring at the moment. I am a “bad siren” But for sure I am having fun! I am at risk of getting hurt, but I am not afraid of it since I know I will be fine.



  113.  #113Daria on September 22, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Ella – i wasn’t referring to scripting for expressing ourselves

    i was referring to spelling/grammar

    i notice sirens judging themselves on spelling and grammar

    i feel uncomfortable when i see that happening… not sure exactly what i feel.

    i feel kinda like i get punched in the stomach. like uah. and i feel scared to say that . im jdugeing myself as that is way of an overreaction. and that’s how i feel. and i love myself

    im feeling a bit defensive



  114.  #114GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 4:00 pm

    #104 Ella If I was you, I’d start looking around for the ways in which I flake out on me. See why or where you’re pulling in that energy to yourself? It’s gotta be a mirror imo. And you can end that energy in your life by finding out where the leak is… just close your eyes and imagine: where am *I* a flake? What do I do that is flaking out on me? How could I change it? What does that look like, and what do I feel when I notice that? Is it hard to notice? Does the very thought trigger defensiveness (and denial?)… or sadness… or fear…? Does it brng up childhood memories or other baggage undealt with? How & where could I liove me more, so that I can trust me not to flake out on me?

    These men are likely reflecting something important to you, and a piece you can use to make yourself more whole now. And then…

    …they…

    …will…

    …never..

    …return!



  115.  #115Ella on September 22, 2011 at 4:02 pm

    Daria re 111

    Ahh. I was confused and thought you were talking about me scriping my replies 🙁

    Sorry.



  116.  #116Ella on September 22, 2011 at 4:04 pm

    Gingersky,

    Interesting… and I have NO idea where I am flaking on myself… except maybe accepting last minute dates with no times! Lol.

    I do feel tense, and nervous and a little defensive thinking that I might flake on myself.

    I’ll let it sit with me.

    Thanks.

    xoxox



  117.  #117Ella on September 22, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    Also Daria re 108

    This post is GREAT!

    And is helping me.

    Thank you.

    xoxox



  118.  #118Daria on September 22, 2011 at 4:05 pm

    GingerSKy – when i am looking at how i flake out on myself (by not setting weekly inner child dates)

    i feel scared and overwhelmed

    i am flaking out on myself right now by not going to sleep



  119.  #119Daria on September 22, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    and that is ok

    i feel good to just keep on doing what feels good

    AND

    then practice not beating myself up

    also, i will go to sleep

    and im not doing exercise before

    and i don’t want to beat myself up

    it feels good to rest and not do exercise right now

    my body feels slow

    and actually, it would feel good to do exercise too

    hmmm

    i feel surprised and puzzled

    he!



  120.  #120Daria on September 22, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Ella – hugs! thanks for saying sorry i feel safe now

    and im going to go to the bathroom and exercise and go to sleep

    wow i feel eyebrows arching at myself did not expect this

    thank you GingerSky



  121.  #121Tmizz on September 22, 2011 at 4:20 pm

    @ Datingwonder #4

    I agree with Chiquita Banana. And with daria, a bit.

    I actually posted about this in the last thread.

    To me, if a guy *asks* me to choose a place that I want to go to, then, in a way, he is still “driving” the situation. He is making a request. And by accepting, and by making the choice, you are essentially saying “yes” to him. Your guy just moved to the city a week ago. He probably has no idea where to go! He might be overwhelmed. It may not be that he is “lazy” and doesn’t want to “step up.” he may also just care for your preferences, which, in my opinion, is just great.

    I had a guy recently ask me to choose the restaurant on our first date. So I did, because he was coming to my city, and he doesn’t know it very well. I did feel a bit “planny” about it. So when he suggested I choose the place for the next date, I said why didn’t he choose, and then he could surprise me with something fun? I also did what you did – which was suggest he could use Yelp to find something, which I would have used anyway.

    I actually don’t mind making plans sometimes. But I do like to see what a guy will choose. And, just like I said to him, he might pick somewhere that I might not pick for myself, and that feels exciting.

    So we’ll see. Haven’t heard back from him yet on the details…;)



  122.  #122Ella on September 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    Hey J,
    It would feel GREAT to see you and celebrate with you and actually a p8ss up feels a bit casual.
    I don’t feel good to accept dates without a firm plan and time.
    So I will hold off saying a firm yes for now.
    xxxxxxx



  123.  #123GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    #115 Ella In my experience it can be some way that is indirect, not exactly what you’d expect… kind of “slanted” from the obvious way you’d assume it to be. And something small but significant — a tiny key that turns a big core lock? Maybe you nailed it already, lol! You deserve to be treated better by you, and pull in a better quality of man who doesn’t take you for granted… bc that’s really you taking your life for granted? That’s my take when I’m in this kind of place.

    #117 Daria Awww… let it come up…? You seem like such a great example of taking good care of you… but if something feels scary & overwhelming to me, then I might imagine that even if I’m good to me, then maybe just the whole idea of anyone flaking on anyone scares me… and what does that mean? I’m talking w my Mom & also getting another call… more later/soon… xox



  124.  #124Tmizz on September 22, 2011 at 4:21 pm

    The best thing is to do and say what feels authentic to *you* in the moment 🙂



  125.  #125Ella on September 22, 2011 at 4:23 pm

    Hey J,
    It would feel great to see you and celebrate with you and actually I don’t feel good to accept dates without a firm plan and time.
    So I will hold off saying a firm yes for now.
    xxxxx



  126.  #126Ella on September 22, 2011 at 4:29 pm

    Tmizz yes and that is what I am trying to get to… authentic me… now.

    123 migh be it.

    🙂



  127.  #127Daria on September 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm

    omg i just worked out and im going to bed!

    wow!

    writing down what was my brain was saying

    that my body feels good just being slow without exercising

    and feeeling what i felt…

    kinda just reduced that

    like suddenly the other thoughts become more prominent and hearable

    like that it would feel healthy to do exercise too!

    and that it would be easy!

    and NOT bad for me and disrupting my winding down

    its like once i wrote it, it kinda i just felt like doing th e opposite

    or like writing it down made it feel less than

    i mean it seemed kinda silly once i wrote it,

    that it would be BAD for me to work my body HARD

    right now

    its like i did something diferent by writing it down and i was able to choose diferently

    i feel all confused

    somethign happened though

    and i liked it

    and i just Did my exercise now and THANK YOU DARIA

    and now im going to bed!!!



  128.  #128GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 4:40 pm

    #111 Luzydel This is kind of where I am at at the moment also… fun mixed w work, and it’s were I wanna be too right now, consciously. My town lacks man I’d wanna CD with anyway… or maybe I would more… but yeah, it feels like I’m conscious, taking a calculated emotional risk, and *aware* of the truth of the situation… and that feels real and honest and clear… and exhilerating. (I CD’d for *years* in the past.) And I wholeheartedly and robustly am learning to CD w all that is around me… ha ha… it is wonderful! I had let my way of being in this relationship (as well as scary, discouraging economic pressures & lack) shut me off to the world too much, and shut my colors off from being expressed into the world… CDing can look so may ways.



  129.  #129Daria on September 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Ella i really like that and i would drop the last line if it was me

    i might add what do you think? maybe



  130.  #130GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    (hat is up w my spelling and typing?! need to pay attention… am very tired, not sleeping great lately… must do as Daria said also… though it’s not very late here yet… this Siren needs her beauty-of-mind rest!)



  131.  #131Tmizz on September 22, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    Okay. I’ve been reluctant to share this, because it doesn’t feel good to “talk” about stuff too soon.

    But this is all anonymous here, so…

    I had a pretty good date this week. But first, some context. I think my energy must be pretty good right now. It seems I am attracting lots of men talking to me – in the post office, at the beach, everywhere. And I’m even getting requests from girlfriends to hang out. And for the last three years or so, it seems like no one has ever asked me such a thing! It feels so good and lovely! 🙂 I am just basking in the glow…the glow that must be from me! 🙂

    Anyway, back to this guy…I met him in a club on Saturday. I wandered over to a table to put my drink down, and this guy turns around. He’s all tall, dark and handsome, and he just starts talking to me. We had a very brief conversation, and then he just asked for my number and said he wanted to take me out. I gave it to him, and then he wandered off and I went and found my friend. I didn’t even tell her what happened. (though she witnessed me dancing and getting down with all kinds of men. it was great. I even got a hickey from some guy – I don’t even know his name! And he was probably like 20! lol)

    Anyway, this man (TDH) did call me the next day. And he texted me to see when would be a good time for date. He came out to where I live and we had a lovely time. Afterward, he texted me to say he got home. He wrote, “I’m home, sweetie. I had a good time 🙂 Good night!”

    (And, just as a side note, I didn’t even mind that he called me “Sweetie”! Normally I hate that! lol)

    I maybe should have just left it at that. But nooo. I had to text back. “Thanks! me too 🙂 good night!”

    hm.

    I hope that I have not committed some heinous sin.

    We are supposed to have a date tomorrow. He said he would call me. I trust that he will. I guess. Ha! my nvs are of course out begging for treats. telling me he won’t call. Making me believe that he’s not interested. What??

    Helloooo! I am a fabulous, sireny woman! I wear sexy heels and I dip my toes in the water. I look good with glasses, or without. I can do the sexy librarian thing. I am relaxed and confident in my body. I can be sexy in tight-fitting clothes, or comfy pajamas. I laugh at silly jokes. If I had kids, I would be a Hot Mama. I keep my home clean and comfortable. I am smart. But more importantly I am compassionate. But I don’t tolerate emotional manipulation or people who want to walk all over me.

    At my best I am a:

    Babe
    In
    Total
    Control of
    Herself

    (Susan, did you get that from Sherry Argov? I love that:)

    Which is why…I’m not closing down all of my options! I have many more men in my rotation. I have new ones contacting me, asking for coffee dates. Making me laugh 🙂 It feels good. I am remembering: relax. Say “yes.” Make myself happy. Go to the gym. Do my work. Take dance classes! Keeping my vibe up, ladies.

    I’m not getting down. Just…musing. That’s all. I guess, if I’m real and honest about it, I don’t even *care* all that much if this one guy calls back. I mean, if he wants a date with me, he’ll call! I don’t have to want it for him! lol. That would be silly. Of *course* he wants it! And also, I’m noticing that, while I’m going through all of this, my nvs are there, but they’re quieter. And I feel, overall, a lot less drama. I don’t feel *anxious* about it. I’m just wondering. Curious. To see what he does. To see who he is. Tall, Dark and Handsome. Opens the car door for me…And calls when he says he will?

    Haha. Well, I’m worth it!

    But I’m not going out of my way for him. Only for me! 🙂

    TMizz, I <3 you! 🙂

    xoxo



  132.  #132GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    #123 Tmizz & #124 Ella I like these ideas very much. Thank you, it feels good to imagine myself saying and doing these ideas you’ve written.



  133.  #133Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    Daria,

    Re: 60/61 – I like it! I was at first imagining a black T w/ big white letters across the chest and htinking, “hmm. I could imagine wearing that.” I really, REALLY like the slut on the bottom of the shoe idea!



  134.  #134GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    I notice that Sirens are not so much posting the numbers of the comments they are responding to here anymore… again, something has changed. Maybe bc of the mean wars of words that happened in the past? I will try & be aware & comply… but I use those numbers to both relocate wise comments I need to find, as well as to direct my friends here for certain comments… ok, I’ll figure this out and learn the new ways?



  135.  #135Daria on September 22, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    oh i when i hear that i seem like im a great example of taking care of myself i feel ashamed

    because my mom always tells me why dont you take care of you i want to see that and

    its like i got that in my head

    i actually thouht i was pretty pwoerful and responsible until i got done with college and was at home

    i feel surprised that in those few years my self esteem went down so much

    i feel really angry at my parenst and it feels easy to blame them

    for all the awful put downs and just telling me over and over that i do nothing

    now i really do believe that about myself and i dont want to

    its a challenge to break out of that way of thinking

    i dont want to go live with them i dread it now

    ugh

    i DO take great care of myself

    but how do i not according to them cuz im not earning enough money to support myself

    according to me i dont believe in money and i am supported quite lovely

    except emotionally

    i am tolerating being run down by them everyday

    i dont know how to change this

    thinking of leaving the house makes me think of being homeless, shelters and or jail for bieng homeless at a park or something

    and cold /rain

    uh worse!

    omg

    ouch heartache

    hmmm

    i am NOT taking good care of myself by allowing myself to be treated poorly

    thats how i think im not taking good care of myself

    and sometimes i feel furious about it

    blaming them

    takeit back to me

    in my body

    lots of heartache

    maybe this is from being little and getting beatings

    i did not know how to protect myself and not tolerate that

    and i felt scared to leave the house alone

    and i still do

    feel that feeling

    cold cruel world beliefs

    like seriously it ‘looks’ that way to my perception

    so how do i shift that

    EFT

    right

    and..
    babysteps

    and…

    believing everythign will work out and it does

    i am doing really well with expressing my real feelings on the blgo and not “controlling”

    that is going to show up in my real life big time

    BIG TIME



  136.  #136GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 4:52 pm

    #126 Daria (not wanting to stop my usual way of doing this number-referencing thing yet… or ever…? Don’t know what the change is aobut yet…?)

    I totally get this! It seems like doing something consciously and with more complete awareness shifts the energy of the thing to be something healthier…? This happens with me too. It feels really good to read how you put it into words here. Thanks.



  137.  #137Daria on September 22, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    GingerSky – sometimes people do post the numbers of comments… it gets a lil messed up when stuff comes out of moderation… but ive seen comments with numbers even just yesterday

    i woldn’t comply, that felt a lil sad to me to read…

    i would just do my own thing



  138.  #138Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Daria, @ 58 you say:

    “POF is an avenue to meet men just like anywhere where there are men… and i totally trust myself to say no to the men that don’t offer what i want

    and i totally believe that there are LOTS of GREAT men attracted to me EVERYWHERE”

    That’s it! Exactly!!!



  139.  #139Daria on September 22, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Sweetpea – ive seen the black ones with white words.

    and then i wanted to think of some different stuff 🙂 hehe

    are you doing clothes design? how did u get into it?

    could i do it?



  140.  #140GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    #134 Daria Yes… yes… bc of you I have been taking better care of myself… bc of your example… I make myself remember my protocols, and foods, and herbs… I am so thankful to myself for listening to and noticing what you say about all that.

    Maybe what your parents are saying is all about them, and not about you at all? How does that idea feel to you?



  141.  #141GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 5:02 pm

    #136 Daria Thanks! It felt a little sad to me as I wrote it too. Ahhh… breathe… me… free…



  142.  #142GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 5:05 pm

    #134 Daria I am wallowing & revelling in, and absorbing and resonating with all you wrote here… and it *feels goooood*. I like your honest train of thoughts.



  143.  #143Daria on September 22, 2011 at 5:11 pm

    GingerSky – hugs!

    thank you again for the “take it back to my body” approach. that has helped me mucho tonite with thoughts i usually get caught in my head in



  144.  #144Susan on September 22, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    Has anyone seen the movie Drumline? The lead male says something to the beautiful cheerleader like: “How does a brotha go about getting casual wit you?” That isn’t an exact quote, but he is a city boy talking to a southern young lady. Her reply went something like: “We southern girls don’t do casual. We have boyfriends.” And then she walked away.

    You better believe he stepped up!



  145.  #145Daria on September 22, 2011 at 5:17 pm

    it would feel nice to volunteer at somethign that feels good …

    i bet that would create more energy and power for me



  146.  #146Daria on September 22, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    ooh i see right now i have a voicemail from Hawkman

    i do want to talk to him and i also want to honor myself and go to bed… so maybe tomorrow for talking to him…

    i have some other phonecalls to return from before too



  147.  #147GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    #112 Daria (i just feel like connecting w you a lot tonight… I’ve gotten so much out of your posts… )

    I judge myself on my spelling a lot i think bc I used to work in proofreading, people in mu family are good witers/spellers (as is my man-friend here) and it feels weird to see me make mistakes… it’s seems like it’s just training from the past… but I bet I have more under the surface about it if I’m willing to look… argh, ak… yes… I fear someone will discredit me in their minds bc of my misspellings… like I won’t be heard or I won’t be superior to others who are careless, or like I won’t be “top notch” in one of the *few* things I can excel in… ouch. All this judgment hurts, and it’s a lot to look at. Thank you for saying this. If I am not excellent or superior I feel unsafe and extremely rejectable! (Rejectable equals left out in the cold, alone, not fed, not worth feeding, not valuable, only tolerated out of obligation, yes, beaten while small… there it all is… spelling/writing well was one thing early in life I could hold to as making me valuable, wanted, heard, and hopefully safe! And I don’t even (consciously) buy into the idea of being superior to *anyone*, at all… but it’s under there in my dark place of denial.

    Ouch. That hurts. And stings.

    And I *love* my ouch feeling… and the sting 🙂 because it tells me the Truth, and it feels like I’m alive and listening, paying gentle attention to what’s real. It feels like Life. And taking care of me and being honest… and even better, getting over my need to feel some superiority, bc superiority does not make me wanted, it makes me alone and lonely! Ah, now I feel not-alone, even though I am right now. I feel connected with all the world. Like I’m *with* everyone. Like puppies.



  148.  #148Daria on September 22, 2011 at 5:34 pm

    getting over my need to feel some superiority, bc superiority does not make me wanted, it makes me alone and lonely! Ah, now I feel not-alone, even though I am right now. I feel connected with all the world. Like I’m *with* everyone. Like puppies.

    wow this is really helpful to me GingerSky!

    i often notice a “need” to feel superirority and yes i found it makes me feel alone and lonely

    it feels connected and safe for me to hear it from someone else !

    thank u!



  149.  #149Daria on September 22, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    “There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world
    than a transformation of the way we raise our children.” Marianne Williamson

    yay!

    my personal ‘small’ way of saving the world IS HUGE!!

    and that will be amazing and just what’s needed and pretty damn easy!!

    wow

    go me

    i will be unschooling and loving a lot!

    and loving on me is changing the world too



  150.  #150symphanie on September 22, 2011 at 5:38 pm

    “you can lose interest in a man you were once crazy about on a dime – all without any work or pain at all.”
    that would be a miracle for me right now…. but
    How???



  151.  #151GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 5:39 pm

    #145 Daria Go sleep now… ? If you get left out in the cold and homeless you can come live with us and our motley intentional community group lol… we’re in rundown yet perhaps charming houses surrounded by herbalists, energy workers, some EFT etc people, massage therapists… gardeners, a renegade goatherder and a beekeeper or two who plant & tend fruit trees… mental health people (super-intelligent former mental patients working to reform and better the world for mental patients and end psychiatric abuse)… writers… permaculture experts… free energy inventors… food bank folks… mead makers and makers of kombucha, kimchee and kefir… sculptors and artists and musicians… of very good but annoyingly human, exquisite yet mediocre and not superior types, lol… Christians, Buddhists, agnostics, pagans… it sounds great but it’s all seriously falling apart even while being built (or actually vice versa!)… and focused on honesty and more… a flawed vision of a new and future way of being… maybe it’ll all come together and I really can someday invite people here. I am as much in love with this vision as I am the man here, and actually maybe moreso. I am married to this vision.



  152.  #152GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    I mean a flawed version of a marvelous vision…



  153.  #153Mel on September 22, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    TMizz,

    “Curious. To see what he does. To see who he is. Tall, Dark and Handsome. Opens the car door for me…And calls when he says he will? Haha. Well, I’m worth it!

    But I’m not going out of my way for him. Only for me!”

    ——–

    BEST post ever! Love it! I especially like your last line. That’s going to be my new mantra.

    That’s how I’m feeling too… curious. Like… let’s just see how this all plays out. It feels nice to give up the chase! 🙂



  154.  #154GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    #147 You’re welcome Daria. You helped me get there, to the place where I couild see and say that… and it helped you too. Oh, I *love* the circle of that! ((*)) (me dancing like a 5-pointed star in the middle of a Big Hug Feeling!)

    It feels very very good and warm, like chocolate and like chocolate-covered cherries, to give something to you who has given me *so, so* much, with your honest disclosure and care and self. Big hugs to you.



  155.  #155Emoticon on September 22, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    Good News. What’s happening to us here? Our degree of difficulty is goin way up n we r gettin guys who r really stepping up. I used 2 get guys who would only text. Now every guy calls. I hear from most CDs every single day, no leaning forward on my part. I’m getting my whole weekend filled up with dates. I had to turn dates down because they asked too late I was already booked!! Well I did leave saturday out because I have some stuff I need to get done. Soon I will be like you guys; penciling people in 🙂 THANK YOU RORI



  156.  #156alias girl on September 22, 2011 at 5:52 pm

    #153 emoticon i feel supremely uplifted to read that!!!!



  157.  #157GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:00 pm

    #149 Symphanie Somewhere (recently… or in an “oldie but goodie” ?) there is a blog entry by Rori i think, talking about how a woman in a movie just got to a place of having nothing but detached compassion for the man she’d been married to… he cheated or something… but I’ve found that dynamic to be true regardless of the situation, when I lean back and just see him as a human, flawed, wonderful, doing what he wants to do… doing the Byron Katie Work with myself… and focusing on loving on me without defensive narcissism, but healthy and connected. It’s hard sometimes… but if I let go of my “story” I write in my mind/heart about it all (and which seems SO real, and desperately so), and which I use to trigger myself with (and get desperate and scared about) then I’m surprised by the fact that I feel *more* alive/colorful/real/passionate, when I expected to feel empty and meaningless, naked and gaunt without my “stories”.

    Don’t know if this fits… but in Byron Katie’s book about “The Work” she does, called Loving What Is, one of the last dialogues is with a man named Charles, who is hurting bc his wife rejects him and wants to be with another man… and Katie says in there somewhere to him, “You tell yourself one story about your wife, and you turn yourself on. You tell yourself another story about her, and you turn yourself off. She tells herself the story that you are undesireable [or whatever] and she turns herself off. She tells herself another story, and she turns herself on.” It’s all just stories. That point in between the “story” and the honesty (so we’re not making up stories to manipulate ourselves on purpose, like in “positive thinking” and some types of manifestation work etc) seems to me to be the place of being present to this moment, regardless. And as BK says, then the stories let go of YOU. And then, like Rori says, the man doesn’t matter. I feel I get where you are too, with this man here who I love. It feels better to be free, and know that the love you want from him is out there and in here (in you and me… and for me, it is also in a serious relationship w God most importantly)… and it’s not able to come from the man ever anyway, bc he’s simply one other human being in the world… and that love is always there. You’ll find your way to that one way or the other, one man or another…? How does that feel to you?



  158.  #158Emoticon on September 22, 2011 at 6:02 pm

    Alias Girl, I’m glad 🙂



  159.  #159Daria on September 22, 2011 at 6:04 pm

    wow GingerSky – thank you. i feel moved. i felt blank and now i feel tears

    that means a lot to me to be offered a place to live.

    if i need to, i will take you up on that.

    wow

    i feel blank again

    i now have a place i can live basically

    the two other places i have as possibilities are my Godsister’s extra little room – but i feel unsure if I will feel good there… I feel afraid of getting in a conflict with her, and… I will feel uncomfortable about food maybe,and about not paying rent…

    and the other is my OG friend’s garage – and that would mean sharing their bathroom – he’s a former and sometimes not so former legally blind crack a meth addict – and the house is always chaotic

    and the garage was my best choice so far, if he sets it up for me…

    so it really actually feels amazing that you would offer me something that i could actually take you up on

    this is a great sign

    feeling all that quiet curtain of blankness

    again

    feeling teary
    again

    no one in their right mind not on drugs would willingly live there, except for me, im a Goddess and sometimes Goddesses are in extreme blindingly beautiful or disgusting guises

    like putting black seamud that smells like piss all over my body for 9 days, only to get used to it and it doesn’t smell like piss anymore, but heals my body and my bones and softens my skin

    (i am being dramatic now, i notice this ! am i doing this to express myself or to impress??? q for me… )no one in their right mind not on drugs would willingly live there, except for me, im a Goddess and sometimes Goddesses are in extreme blindingly beautiful or disgusting guises

    like putting black seamud that smells like piss all over my body for 9 days, only to get used to it and it doesn’t smell like piss anymore, but heals my body and my bones and softens my skin

    (i am being dramatic now, i notice this ! am i doing this to express myself or to impress??? q for me… )

    maybe people in their right mind would live there (but not likely)

    only i can tolerate it by seeing the good in stuff like that

    and that makes me feel superior!

    wow! cool!!

    noticing!!

    checking my body
    i feel excited

    like i am special

    all fired up

    like wearing a rockin outfit!

    huh! wow

    checking my body

    im relaxing and smiling

    love me

    Thank you Daria for doing my stretch

    Thank you Daria for choosing to stay up and read so much wonderful stuff and receive wonderful blessings like a place to live

    Thank you Daria for posting on the forum you posted on

    Thank you Daria for vacuuming the house

    Thank you for cleaning the vacuum

    Thank you for getting yummy food and eating a Big meal today

    Thank you for wearing my Starfish pendant

    Thank you for smiling when those men complimented me

    Thank you for asking the lady at the counter to hold the fisht

    Thank you for getting all the yummy stuff you wanted

    Thank you for brushing my hair

    Thank you for brushing my teeth in the morning

    Thank you for blessing my water!

    Tahnk you for blessing my food!

    omg i love blessing water so much! i love this new wonderfulnes sin my life

    Thank you for doing the sensual meditation

    Thank you for checking out that Ed Dale email



  160.  #160GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    #154 Emoticon Yeah, I feel uplifted to read that too… high degree of difficulty *weeds out* the old vibe and ushers in a whole new me & you and new kind of men! It works in my job, too, if I lean back & seem more valuable bc I’m not acting desperate for clients… or willing to take ones that treat me less than good. I get bad ones replaced by respectful ones.



  161.  #161Daria on September 22, 2011 at 6:06 pm

    wow GingerSky – thank you. i feel moved. i felt blank and now i feel tears

    that means a lot to me to be offered a place to live.

    if i need to, i will take you up on that.

    wow

    i feel blank again

    i now have a place i can live basically

    the two other places i have as possibilities are my Godsister’s extra little room – but i feel unsure if I will feel good there… I feel afraid of getting in a conflict with her, and… I will feel uncomfortable about food maybe,and about not paying rent…

    and the other is my OG friend’s garage – and that would mean sharing their bathroom – he’s a former and sometimes not so former legally blind crack a meth addict – and the house is always chaotic

    and the garage was my best choice so far, if he sets it up for me…

    so it really actually feels amazing that you would offer me something that i could actually take you up on

    this is a great sign

    feeling all that quiet curtain of blankness

    again

    feeling teary
    again

    no one in their right mind not on dr*ugs would willingly live there, except for me, im a Goddess and sometimes Goddesses are in extreme blindingly beautiful or disgusting guises

    like putting black seamud that smells like piss all over my body for 9 days, only to get used to it and it doesn’t smell like piss anymore, but heals my body and my bones and softens my skin

    (i am being dramatic now, i notice this ! am i doing this to express myself or to impress??? q for me… )no one in their right mind not on drugs would willingly live there, except for me, im a Goddess and sometimes Goddesses are in extreme blindingly beautiful or disgusting guises

    like putting black seamud that smells like piss all over my body for 9 days, only to get used to it and it doesn’t smell like piss anymore, but heals my body and my bones and softens my skin

    (i am being dramatic now, i notice this ! am i doing this to express myself or to impress??? q for me… )

    maybe people in their right mind would live there (but not likely)

    only i can tolerate it by seeing the good in stuff like that

    and that makes me feel superior!

    wow! cool!!

    noticing!!

    checking my body
    i feel excited

    like i am special

    all fired up

    like wearing a rockin outfit!

    huh! wow

    checking my body

    im relaxing and smiling

    love me

    Thank you Daria for doing my stretch

    Thank you Daria for choosing to stay up and read so much wonderful stuff and receive wonderful blessings like a place to live

    Thank you Daria for posting on the forum you posted on

    Thank you Daria for vacuuming the house

    Thank you for cleaning the vacuum

    Thank you for getting yummy food and eating a Big meal today

    Thank you for wearing my Starfish pendant

    Thank you for smiling when those men complimented me

    Thank you for asking the lady at the counter to hold the fisht

    Thank you for getting all the yummy stuff you wanted

    Thank you for brushing my hair

    Thank you for brushing my teeth in the morning

    Thank you for blessing my water!

    Tahnk you for blessing my food!

    omg i love blessing water so much! i love this new wonderfulnes sin my life

    Thank you for doing the sensual meditation

    Thank you for checking out that Ed Dale email

    Thank you for checking out that Sarupah Shah blog Sweetpea mentioned

    Thank you for thinking up cool clothing designs

    Thank you for choosing a pretty outfit for me



  162.  #162Emoticon on September 22, 2011 at 6:07 pm

    Ginger Sky: that’s great, I should try to apply this to all aspects of my life!



  163.  #163Daria on September 22, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    wow GingerSky – thank you. i feel moved. i felt blank and now i feel tears

    that means a lot to me to be offered a place to live.

    if i need to, i will take you up on that.

    wow

    i feel blank again

    i now have a place i can live basically

    the two other places i have as possibilities are my Godsister’s extra little room – but i feel unsure if I will feel good there… I feel afraid of getting in a conflict with her, and… I will feel uncomfortable about food maybe,and about not paying rent…

    and the other is my OG friend’s garage – and that would mean sharing their bathroom – he’s a former and sometimes not so former legally blind crack a meth addict – and the house is always chaotic

    and the garage was my best choice so far, if he sets it up for me…

    so it really actually feels amazing that you would offer me something that i could actually take you up on

    this is a great sign

    feeling all that quiet curtain of blankness

    again

    feeling teary
    again

    no one in their right mind not on dr*ugs would willingly live there, except for me, im a Goddess and sometimes Goddesses are in extreme blindingly beautiful or disgusting guises

    like putting black seamud that smells like piss all over my body for 9 days, only to get used to it and it doesn’t smell like piss anymore, but heals my body and my bones and softens my skin

    (i am being dramatic now, i notice this ! am i doing this to express myself or to impress??? q for me… )no one in their right mind not on dru*gs would willingly live there, except for me, im a Goddess and sometimes Goddesses are in extreme blindingly beautiful or disgusting guises

    like putting black seamud that smells like piss all over my body for 9 days, only to get used to it and it doesn’t smell like piss anymore, but heals my body and my bones and softens my skin

    (i am being dramatic now, i notice this ! am i doing this to express myself or to impress??? q for me… )

    maybe people in their right mind would live there (but not likely)

    only i can tolerate it by seeing the good in stuff like that

    and that makes me feel superior!

    wow! cool!!

    noticing!!

    checking my body
    i feel excited

    like i am special

    all fired up

    like wearing a rockin outfit!

    huh! wow

    checking my body

    im relaxing and smiling

    love me

    Thank you Daria for doing my stretch

    Thank you Daria for choosing to stay up and read so much wonderful stuff and receive wonderful blessings like a place to live

    Thank you Daria for posting on the forum you posted on

    Thank you Daria for vacuuming the house

    Thank you for cleaning the vacuum

    Thank you for getting yummy food and eating a Big meal today

    Thank you for wearing my Starfish pendant

    Thank you for smiling when those men complimented me

    Thank you for asking the lady at the counter to hold the fisht

    Thank you for getting all the yummy stuff you wanted

    Thank you for brushing my hair

    Thank you for brushing my teeth in the morning

    Thank you for blessing my water!

    Tahnk you for blessing my food!

    omg i love blessing water so much! i love this new wonderfulnes sin my life

    Thank you for doing the sensual meditation

    Thank you for checking out that Ed Dale email

    Thank you for checking out that Sarupah Shah blog Sweetpea mentioned

    Thank you for thinking up cool clothing designs

    Thank you for choosing a pretty outfit for me



  164.  #164Lilybelly on September 22, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    148:

    IMO, you do this by taking care of you. By pampering yourself and doing things you enjoy and totally taking the focus off of him.

    If he isn’t in front of you, he isn’t real. This sentance alone, has changed my entire outlook and attitude about men, more than anything else has in the last seven months. Taking care of me has helped a lot also. Alot!!!

    Lil



  165.  #165GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:11 pm

    #43 Lyka I get this, bc I’ve been LIVING IT. Can’t emphasize this enough.

    Watch the men you interact with and maybe you’ll see it too. It makes them feel like a big burden (of our weight!) is on them when we do that. Tehn they rebel, detach, get triggered/irritated, lose attraction… having read John Gray’s Venus & Mars books long ago helped this to make sense to me, bc I was already noticing it somewhat, but was stumbling and struggling many years to know what to *do* about it (Gray seems good but Rori fills in where he can’t speak imo, and makes it all way deeper, do-able, practical, special and more clear).

    Everything she describes here is EXACTLY what I’ve been living out… if only I’d had this knowledge before. I am *so* excited!!!!!



  166.  #166GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    #160 Daria Yeah! You’re welcome! We look for people to be here who communicate like you do… more later if it becomes significant 😉

    It’s a seriously funky old place, and can be triggering for several reasons… part of the journey and learning of being here… but I *love* it. You have to have some tolerance for frustration as a learning experience sometimes when living and working with people. I “signed up” and take it as it comes, and try & be honest with myself about it. I imagine you & I are in completely different areas/timezones based on what you said about it being late there… but let’s keep talking…? The worst thing about our town is it’s hard to make any decent living here. But maybe this represents a shift for you…? I have knowledge of other places also, where people join in intentional community together… are you interested in all this? There are websites and you can write, call and learn… and see who fits with you? I like your honest communication, and it seems like it might fit here imo. Big hugs again to you.



  167.  #167luzydel on September 22, 2011 at 6:31 pm

    I am going to take a looong shower; good things are happening for me at work and my finances are getting better. I don’t know if I will get married again one day or if I will have a relationship that last longer than 3 months; however, I need to lean to be happy with whatever outcome. I have to learn to feel what I feel…then I will heal..

    I feel insecure because my NV’s are telling me lies…I have no time for these NV’s so I am going to take care of myself I need to feel reffresed 🙂



  168.  #168Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 6:32 pm

    Daria,

    Re: 137 – I’m doing styling, fashion consulting, that kind of stuff. I also make many of my clothes, which I love to do!

    Of course you could do it! You can do anything you set your mind to! I’ve always wanted to make clothes for other people, but it’s so time-consuming and just didn’t seem plausible to me in the past. Now I’m thinking of branching out all over the place! Thinking of making a line of maternity clothes because I hear everyone complaining about how hard it is to find cute maternity clothes. The thing I’m finding, is that the internet is opening up all kinds of new avenues to me.

    I really do love the “slut” idea. You could do the t-shirts fairly easily I would think. Especially if you know someone with an embroidery machine. All you’d have to do is make one up, take a picture of it and put it on the internet, market it to your friends, at clubs, etc. The rest of it might be a little more complicated – the lining/suits and shoes. Not sure how to help you there. I just started my biz up by advertising on craigslist, building a website and doing lots of research on how to drive traffic to my website. Oh! And I actually started with a blog. The internet is a wide open opportunity for anyone who wants to start a biz though. Check out The Middle Finger Project for internet marketing ideas. Right now I’m still computerless – have to borrow my friends laptop – so that kinda slows my progress, but it’s all about abundance. My laptop is on its way! You can check out my website if you want: http://www.uniqueeyeattransformations.yolasite.com and contact me via email. I’d be happy to share what I know.

    Also, I actually thought of you the other day – seems I remember reading here awhile back that you were coming up with some novel ideas to alter your clothes and make them cuter. There’s a magazine I found at the fabric store – I can’t remember what it’s called now, but it had some super cute ideas for doing stuff like that. Anyway, this has gotten lengthy – get back to me with your thoughts – here or by email. xoxo



  169.  #169GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

    #160 Daria Keep me posted on your situation, and let’s keep talking? gingersky234@gmail.com If this was my place and decision alone, I’d say come on and room with me! 😉 (if we meet and like each other etc.) Since it’s not my decision alone, let’s see what happens when we play with the idea and see where it goes? I’d like for my man/friend/etc guy here to meet or email with you and see what happens (he does not live in same house with me), and/or if I can help you find another location of intentional community or co-housing somewhere which you’d like. There *must* be a better place for you than the garage, near someone who has drug problems? I’d like a garage if I could fix it up & be warm there… but the drug thing is not so cool imo! Bc of what we do here, and who we’re connected with, and bc there are websites and other info about places around the country (and the world maybe?), it might be possible for me to help you get connected with other people who you can step-by-step find more outlets, connections, info and so on for this need/goal… and for your whole life?



  170.  #170GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:48 pm

    #164 Luzydel Maybe eat your NVs and use their energy to fuel your happy feelings and powerful activities towards your good goals? Digest them so they are gone like foods, and unlock all that energy tied up in them to make you strong? Maybe it’s late, and I’m getting half in dreamtime, but that felt like a good picture for me that felt really nice… i saw a gmail ad today or yeaterday about “How to Digest Thoughtforms” and it made me think of this eating of NVs.

    And Susan or someone here said the other day to feedl the NVs a cookie to calm them down? I *liked* that! They’re like little parasites imo… or just balled up spots of energy that, if unballed, is just energy we can use for other things… like knots in muscles (im a massage therapist).



  171.  #171Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Gingersky,

    Loving your comments here tonight! xoxo



  172.  #172GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:52 pm

    Daria, my last comment to you about housesharing w me is awaiting moderation, so I’ll post this one too: bc of what we do here and who we’re connected with, I can maybe direct you also to info about communities online that would be better for you possibly than the garage situation? There are many, and none of them perfect at all, and all having their problems, but possibly some that might fit for you? Please keep me posted on your situation and let’s keep talking?



  173.  #173GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    #168 Sweetpea Aw, thank you for sharing that with me! That felt *really* good.



  174.  #174Daria on September 22, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Holding in thought their true individual character, will show their
    original nature and form.
    ~ this by a lady named HAnna on an unschooling forum struck me (i’ve used this concept before)

    i jsut did it briefly for my mom and dad

    and then felt all scared and resentful and sad with my dad cuz i noticed him moving away from me (saying he doesnt love me etc)

    and THEN i thought of Rori and i was like whoa… well a man would do that if i was reaching out for him

    and im like WHOA I AM

    reaching out energetically trying to get his approval (energetically) and so on

    i am like super tryhing to do that so no wonder he is pulling away and feeling like he doesnt love me etc

    omgosh!

    wow

    so i can just mind my own self and not look for approval or whatever from my dad

    or trying to build my relationship with my dad

    just appreciating what he Does show up with

    and also, taking charge of my OWN boundaries, instead of blaming him when he does what he does like maybe verbally attack me

    i can say this feels bad and leave

    it feels scary to do that… like overwhelming… much easier to just blame him and stuff!

    wow but i know i can do it!

    babysteps

    wow how revealing

    thsi night has been awesome



  175.  #175Daria on September 22, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    Holding in thought their true individual character, will show their
    original nature and form.
    ~ this by a lady named HAnna on an unschooling forum struck me (i’ve used this concept before)

    i jsut did it briefly for my mom and dad

    and then felt all scared and resentful and sad with my dad cuz i noticed him moving away from me (saying he doesnt love me etc)

    and THEN i thought of Rori and i was like whoa… well a man would do that if i was reaching out for him

    and im like WHOA I AM

    reaching out energetically trying to get his approval (energetically) and so on

    i am like super tryhing to do that so no wonder he is pulling away and feeling like he doesnt love me etc

    omgosh!

    wow

    so i can just mind my own self and not look for approval or whatever from my dad

    or trying to build my relationship with my dad

    just appreciating what he Does show up with

    and also, taking charge of my OWN boundaries, instead of blaming him when he does what he does like maybe verbally att*ack me

    i can say this feels bad and leave

    it feels scary to do that… like overwhelming… much easier to just blame him and stuff!

    wow but i know i can do it!

    babysteps

    wow how revealing

    thsi night has been awesome



  176.  #176GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:04 pm

    #165 Sweetpea Do you sew? Can you actually make maternity clothes?! That is so awesome. I never did well at sewing but I wanna try again.

    The man here got a machine months ago, but it is cool and old and unfortunately need repairs (it was so sweet… i think… I said I wanted/needed one… and he wound up with one rather quickly in some kind of barter/trade, and won’t tell me where he got it, which is very unusual with him… i don’t know if he scored it for me, or it just landed in his lap… my fantasy is that he scored it for me and didn’t want to be so vulnerable as to say that… probably not exactly true… can’t figure out why he won’t tell me, but i know he didn’t steal it, lol, so it’s a bit of a mystery… eventually maybe I’ll find out lol)

    If you make and sell maternity clothes I will tell everyone here about it. Sometimes I think ours is the most pregnant town I’ve ever seen lolol!



  177.  #177GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:07 pm

    #171 Daria Your post is so awesome… so awesome… yes. He’s just a man… just scared, and scarred maybe? And you don’t even need his love to be happy and well… he will feel happier if he can open to his love for you? And your power is scary for him? I’m just guessing, and making up my own story of it here.



  178.  #178Daria on September 22, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    omg i LOVE the idea of eating NV’s! and then i can easily bless them like i do my water and food so all the good stuff of them will feed and nourish me!!

    WOWi feel lteary again!!! omg what a wonderful wonderful tool!

    thank you!



  179.  #179LILI 41 on September 22, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    Well, another lesson on leaning in. I leaned in by calling him which I haven’t done in weeks. I was all impressed that he wanted to see me eventhough he usually goes to sleep for 3 hours before going to work for the nightshift.
    He mistook my call for a bootycall.
    After the long talk we had on Friday night about our feelings and what I wanted, no change in his attitude tonight.
    So I told him how I did not feel good about having sx with him anylonger. I can no longer keep feeling like I’m hanging and waiting, taking crumbs.
    I no longer want to feel insecure and hold myself back out of fear. I did toss aside my fears and let myself be with you. It felt wonderful and helped me see what the fear was actually holding me back from and it felt liberating and wonderful.
    That’s how I want to feel from now on. I can only keep that feeling going in a comitted relationship. I know I did not want a comitment at first because I was scared. You told me that you didn’t trust that this fearless person was the real me. But I feel like the real me when I toss my fears aside.

    He said that he’ll think about it and he’ll call me. So sick of hearing that. I feel I’m getting tired and bored with him. I know my speaches aren’t sireny enough, I still need practice with FMs, but I just wanted to shake him!!! There’s just too much history with him and I feel like I am completely wasting my time on a scared little boy…Yes, I recognize the anger speak.



  180.  #180Daria on September 22, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    i am eating the NV that i should be sleeping!

    i can sleep when i want to!



  181.  #181GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:10 pm

    Daria, what is this “unschooling” you’re talking about… I am going to look that up tomorrow or this weekend.



  182.  #182Daria on September 22, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Sweetpea – thank you for sharing! feels inspiring!!!

    back in the day a few years ago Goddesses here wanted me to do dressing liek a Goddess videos… i havent’ gotten the movement to do that yet!



  183.  #183Daria on September 22, 2011 at 7:15 pm

    maybe i will start to just create vidoes like that as a volunteer project, and not worry so much about making money out of them!!

    wow what an awesome idea Daria!



  184.  #184Daria on September 22, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    Gingersky – thank you! that might feel interesting.. i am looking for a free place to live 🙂

    the garage is actually AWESOME for me

    i got all victimy – and i noticed – and actaully i would feel excited to live there!

    cuz the OG former addict guy is my best friend!

    and the garage is separate from the house so its both safe and private and close to friends at the same time… pretty awesome

    i spend a lot of my time at that house anyways…

    we’ll see what happens!

    i’ve been asked him to set it up for me in the winter but now, maybe he will

    !

    about unschooling

    i got blessed and inspired with it reading

    Sandra Dodd

    http://www.sandradodd.com/unschooling



  185.  #185GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:22 pm

    #175 Lili AWESOME. Out of the park. I *know* this place, and this accidentally engaging and giving a bootycall impression to a man. Like Rori said, no judgment on him, what man wouldn’t try that… (oh i used to JUDGE it SO harshly with men!!!)… maybe he’s so bound up in his sexual way of relating that he can’t see past it, even if there’s the potential for love there in him?

    If you lwan back, then according to Rori’s way (which is simply how the energy operates and what is really true between men & women) then he will be given the space to see and feel if there’s more for him and whether he can bring that out and *leave his comfort zone* to move toward seriousness & commitment with you? In my experience it takes a man like this a long time to change, but I’ve seen it happen. I’d say give him time, regardless of how “changed” he seems… make him *sweat it out* and decide if he wants to move from his ways to a different way bc his connection with you becomes worth it to him? He’ll likely need lots of time & practice on the changing imo. Don’t give in and lean forward, and CD lots, with happy confident boundaried abandon?!



  186.  #186Kayla on September 22, 2011 at 7:23 pm

    Hey sirens(: how is everyone doing today?? I feel unconfident, and for some reason.. I have been for the past week, I feel scared… And I feel like my NV’s won’t go away.. I feel as if I haven’t been sinking into my feelings as much as I should be lately… Just a week ago I felt like I was finally where I wanted to be with a man. And I still do feel that way, but I feel as if it won’t be that way for long.. I know I will be fine and love myself in the end no matter what happens, but I can’t help but to feel as if I would rather keep my relationship and have it grow instead of go downhill.. I am just venting and not sure if this will make sense to any of you sirens lol. But it makes sense in my head.. It’s just that ever since my boyfriend and I got into an argument last week I have been feeling soo…. unsireny. Maybe it’s because when we did get into an argument I didn’t use any of the Rori Raye tools except for walking away when things weren’t getting resolved. I mainly used blaming and critisizing.. And yes he did call me and let me know that he was sorry and that he didn’t want to fight. But I guess I feel disappointed in myself for not using Rori Raye tools.. I just feel like maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought I was.. But I know that everything will be okay no matter what and I know that I love myself, and now I am going to forgive myself for that(: This feels better. But there is another thing that I feel is eating at me… I have been in another town for a couple days visiting family and yesterday my boyfriend called me and asked if I wanted to go do something, I told him that I was in another town and he asked when I would be back. I told him I would be back today and he asked me if I would call him when I got back into town. I told him I would (this is not his phone btw, it’s one of his friends phones’) but anyways… For some reason, I don’t feel comfortable calling a man even when he asks me to call him.. I don’t really know why but I honestly don’t. Although this is part of the reason we were arguing the other night… He said that he didn’t feel like he was very important because I always wanted him to call me and I never wanted to call him.. This made me feel bad, it made me feel guilty, and it made me feel like I was being selfish.. So I called him tonight just like he asked me to and nobody answered… And I know that it’s not his phone and he might not be there at the moment, but this does make me feel even more uncomfortable with calling first than I was before… And so now I feel unrelaxed, unconfident, and a little bit clingy because I am feeling worried.



  187.  #187Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 7:32 pm

    GingerSky, re: 170 – yes I do sew. Started it as a teenager, then when I started office work, I’m so short-waisted that I couldn’t find trousers that fit well so I started again.

    I’ll let you know when I get the maternity clothes going. Part of what I do in my biz is to help people to build a wardrobe that works for them rather than random pieces that don’t work together. That’s my plan with the maternity clothes as well – to make a “capsule” of a few items that will take them through a week or more that can then be added to a bit at a time. I’m super excited about it, but it will probably be a month or more before I can even get started on it. I also wrote an article on this very thing – can’t get to it now (stuck on my phone), but I’m putting it in my calendar to put up a link here. Your pregnant friends may find it helpful. How exciting! It feels good to have your support!



  188.  #188Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    GingerSky – I love sewing so much that I get super excited when I hear of someone wanting to give it a whirl. I want people to love it as much as I do and know how frustrating it is to make somehing that doesn’t fit (yes – from long hours of experience). So…can I just say, pattern sizes are waaay different than our sizes today ai they’re still the sizes from around the 50s. So be sure to buy a pattern according to your measurements – waist, bust and hip being the most important. It will probably be a couple of sizes larger than your ready-to-wear size. And, a great first project is a simple skirt (if you like them) or anything knit. I’d behappy to give you more pointers if you’d like – feel free to access my personal email via my website if you’d like. Muah!



  189.  #189GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    #180 Daria Sweeet! It sounds great! I like a garage bc it’s small enough to be free or cheap when you need that, and independent from other people… compact, convenient. I had a cute old one once and I loved it so much!

    I am glad you got all victimy… you got that out, and so you could see it, and move through it? I liked that and it felt good to be alongside you in that process. I like that the victimy parts got out thru your words and didn’t get stuck in you to sabotage you from under the surface later on? Now you really *know* how you feel, and can do the garage thing with clarity, energy, purpose, enthusiasm and awareness?

    I like your victimy parts, and how you move in and thru them. It helps and inspires me a *lot*.

    (I hope you don’t suffer too much from lack of sleep. I’m off to bed in a moment too… been very sleep-deprived this week… have an early appointment in the morning and tons on tons of work to do tomorrow.)

    Someone close to me is a crack addict too, and a best friend/ex. An amazing talented person… I can’t live near him, but he’s one of the most important people in my life, ever. Has a lot to do with who I am and who I became, and much much more. When he disappears for awhile, I just pray for him (and try not to worry too much… hard tho)… he’d do anything for me, and I for him… mean old NVs in his head are what made him addict to that. He never had any peace in his life growing up.

    I don;t judge him anymore, and we have regained the priceless treasure of our relationship, and all we mean to and do for each other.

    Thanks for the unschooling info! Can’t wait to check that out. Yay, a new tool! (Lol, the men in my life like their steel tools to work, fix and make things with, and I like those lots too… but I also love tools made of mind/heart/love/truth too. Tools like lights to see in the darkness… the darkness inside of *me* and other people, and to see how we are all connected! I love to share the tools I’ve found and learn about new ones… then I love to use those tools, geek out on them a bit, mush my hands/heart/mind/being in them like when I use my hands in making a big bowl of food)… and then throw the tools away and JUST LIVE!)



  190.  #190Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 7:49 pm

    GingerSky,

    Phone’s jacking up now and just lost my comment, but wanted to give a couple tips if you’re wanting to sew again. Be sure to buy your patterns by measurement – they’re still based on sizes from 40s or 50s so will be a couple sizes larger than your ready-to-wear size. Also, a skirt or knit is a good place to start. I’d be pleased to give you more pointers if you like. You can access my personal email via my website if interested. Muah



  191.  #191GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    #184 Oh, Sweetpea, that is so awesome, thank you!!! I want to get excited about sewing too! I have never given up on it yet. You are so kind, and I will take you upon that. It feels like something I need to do to complete myself, and some gift I need to learn and do.

    I love the idea of your wardrobe building! That’s needed greatly by me right now. It feels good to feel your excitement… (I’ll share my product with you too later on here… massage oils that ouble as great skincare products, esp for winter months… very rich & luxurious, pure and natural. And maybe also some hair products, esp for people with dreads, (not me) and who knows what all else later on.

    The old pattern sizes may actually work better for me. I’m kind of glad of that. I fit that paradigm actually, and I remember some of those sizes from my aunt, mom and grandma sewing. I used to wear 40s, 50s and 60s clothes when i was a punk rocker in Austin. They fit me better, and regular new clothes didn’t fit me at all! I fancied myself as a cross between Pippi Longstocking and Audrey Hepburn, that was our style then 😉 Of course mixed also with the professional vibe I got from my mother, lol! I am a multi-faceted wardrobe person.

    How do i find your website?



  192.  #192GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    #35 Lady-in-waiting Thank you for that. I will re-read… that felt very good and real and grounding and clarifying to read. I needed that.



  193.  #193GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    #186 Sweetpea Thank you! I never would’ve dreamed a skirt or esp a knit would be a good place to start! I need this advice.



  194.  #194Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    Daria,

    If you want to articles on goddess clothes (as opposed to video) there’s an awesome site called Squidoo where you can write articles. The coolest part is that you can pick clothes off of ebay and amazon as examples to add to your articles and if anyone buys from there, you get a comission from it. So you can make a little money there (not a lot, but with attitude of abundance, who knows?). Might be a good place for you to start.



  195.  #195GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    #182 Kayla I know my own verison of what you’re describing here… I think we all do. It seems I’ve *lived* in my version of this most of the last 2 years. And am learning to live in something different now, at last… for the moment and hopefully always… but boy does all this feel *so* familiar to me.

    Keep doing the work of Rori Raye.

    And Byron Katie (books: Loving What Is, and I Need Your Love, Is That True)… regardless of your beliefs and world view… you can keep all that, take the truths from it, read between the lines and still do this work w great benefit. This sounds ridiculous perhaps, but when I’m feeling this, I take some vitamins and a little dark organic/natural chocolate… and some herbs (like maca… a food really, and not a “medicine”). And I pray a lot.



  196.  #196Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:11 pm

    GingerSky,

    Here’s a link to my website: http://www.uniqueeyeattransformations.yolasite.com. You can also link to my blog from there. The link to the article I wrote on wardrobe building is on my blog as well as some other good stuff if you’re wanting to learn about it. I’ll be adding some new info on the blog soon, and doing some more articles. Check them out if you like!



  197.  #197Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:17 pm

    GingerSky – I would be super excited to learn more about your products as well. Especially hair products – the coloring is really hard on it and I have a hard time finding sulfate-free shampoos that actually make my hair feel clean.



  198.  #198GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    #184 Sweetpea I think what I said about sizes makes no sense… I was thinking of the “proportions” of the older styles… am kind of going into dreamtime here and fantasizing about the fabulous MadMen styles I love so much and want some of! (I know those are hard patterns though). I can perhaps do them in their more modern and flowy adaptations… and flowy clothes in soulful greens & soft teals I like and can *never* seem to find (except as fabric!). Middle ages colors… forest and sunset colors, and colors of flowers seen thru fog… soft metallics, wood and stone colors… Robin Hood lady colors for me (with an edge to the style and easy lines that drape but don’t swallow my small skinny frame).

    (and which the man here and I both like the same colors… he has such a lovely sense of color and I like that about him, but it doesn’t matter bc I like what I like regardless… I’m not feeling scared so much anymore of losing a man who has such a trait that’s so hard to find… I will have it in myself and have faith that I’ll share it always with him or with someone regardless, who is right for me… I won;t jold on so hard anymore, but let him ne him and simply *notice* what I like abut him and know it’s out there in the world if not with him)

    Oh, this feels so good to think of making my own clothes… I am not scared… I am not scared… lions and tigers and bears oh my! Sewing. It scares me. And I am going to play with those lines, and seams, and good tigery patterns… needles and bobbins (oh bobbins have been so scary for me)… I can do this… I am noticing the story I have told myself about s-e-w-i-n-g, and about me being incompetent at sewing, and how I have made myself scared of it, and why. I am changing my story.

    I am the author of my life, and the artist of it (me & Creator who loves me so much).

    Thank you, sweet Sweetpea! This is gonna be so important for me.



  199.  #199Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    Kayla,

    I highly recommend not concentrating on the negative or where you feel you “failed.” What have you done right? Congratulate yourself and celebrate all the baby steps – look back and notice how far you’ve come as compared to your old way of doing things. Looking at things this way has progressed me faster into the way I want to do things than concentrating on what I did wrong ever did. Since I started celebrating the things I’m doing right, I feel like I’ve blasted through a lot of my old negative ways of doing things with sonic speed. Give yourself hugs and love what you’re doing right! xoxo



  200.  #200Lm on September 22, 2011 at 8:25 pm

    I love this post.

    I feel pissed off that my CDs only want to make same day/casual plans right now. I feel very annoyed.

    One guy calls, emails every day. Drops hints constantly about going on dates then…nothing. I can feel him waiting for me to take the bait.

    I am laughing a little now because I realize I don’t even really want to date him that badly…I just hate how the waiting feels.

    I feel a little freer now realizing that.



  201.  #201GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:26 pm

    Thanks everyone for tolerating my long posts tonight. It has been very good and growthy, needed and validating for me… I am in a difficult place in life financially, but I am in an internal renaissance. I am comfortable and it’s been a long time. I’m not depending on or pulling on the man to make me happy, or to do what I want him to (or judging & correcting and slamming him, with words/looks/victim-ness/energy bc he’s not all I demand)… but immersing in the joy of supporting and allowing him to be himself whatever/whoever that is, and to bless him with that, and to CD with the world around me. I am taking care of me, and getting better at that now, and the results are showing in my life. Thanks all, and thanks Rori… hugs & blessings to all, I’m going to sleep now.



  202.  #202Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    GingerSky,

    The 40s and 50s styles are more complex, but you’re lucky – right now they are easier to find. Every one of the major pattern lines has some “vintage” patterns. Also wanted to add that patterns are expensive, but all of the major fabric stores have weekly sales on them. I always hit the sales and get patterns for $.99 or maybe $1.99 rather than the $15.00 regular price.

    I am so excited to be able to encourage you through this!



  203.  #203GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    #196 Lm One more word… I never accept same day dates with anyone until they’ve earned it over a long period of time. It feels demeaning to me. I mean deeply. It has to be acceptable only over time as we’ve become close and gotten into a trusting rythm… I wouldn’t do it if it feels bad for you. It was always policy for me. It made me feel like trash, or leftovers, or a side dish or condiment/afterthought, etc. I weeded those guys out seriously.

    I’d rather sit home and stare at walls and clip my nails or something than to have that feeling… or when younger, I’d accept a same or next day date with a man bc I was painfully bored, but I pretty much always regretted it… as sometimes it turned into a relationship I never should have gotten into.

    But I will accept it lots with a man I’ve gotten close to and who’s stepped up in other ways for a good amount of time (I like spontaneity and it’s essential for me), if they’re showing respect & appreciation to me, and not presuming upon my time like that for no agreed reason when we aren’t even close/established etc.

    Define your policy but be flexible while being true to how you really feel, and what makes you feel good? Hope these words help.



  204.  #204GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:37 pm

    #84 Daria I just saw this… thanks… thank you very much. I was wondering!



  205.  #205GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:39 pm

    #198 Sweetpea Yay! So happy and excited about this! I will conect with you on it again tomorrow or this weekend… it is like anew world opening that I’ve wanted so long.



  206.  #206Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:47 pm

    GingerSky,

    Can’t wait! Good night Sirens! Wishing you all sweet dreams and star dust blessed rest tonight.



  207.  #207GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:48 pm

    #193 Sweetpea (i can’t stop, lol… i kow I’ll be too occupied to re-engage this tomorrow)

    I don’t plan to make shanpoos (too many regulations for me at this point…almost like selling packaged food?) but I can quickly recommend Aubrey Organics products and Giovanni products… both found at health stores. I use both: Aubrey Swimmer’s Shampoo (very gentle yet highly cleansing), and I mix Aubrey GPB Conditioner with Giovanni Smooth As Silk Conditioner. But they have lots of choices. Giovanni has really cool setting & styling products… and there are other good ones at health stores like Whole Foods, or Earth Fare (probably not in your area yet?), and you can check online on VitaCost, as they have some of these products. There are other online markets that have them too… and Aubrey used to send out free samples of some products, or inexpensive trail sizes. xox 😉



  208.  #208Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:51 pm

    GingerSky, re: 201 – Excellent! Thank you so much!



  209.  #209GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

    You’re welcome Sweetpea. I looked at and bookmarked your website, *very* nice idea you’ve got going there! You go! Later… xox (I receive thae star dust! 🙂



  210.  #210Sweetpea on September 22, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    I’ve not been out of the house the last couple of days. I have this awesomely sublime feeling that the money in my purse has been reproducing while I’ve not been using it. Lol! I love that this feeling of abundance is becoming so second nature to me! Used to be I would have the feeling it’s decreasing even though I’ve not touched it – and it would seem that it had. I know this is all illusory and knew it was for a long time. Just had a hard time getting through those blocks.

    Off to bed now for real! G’nite!



  211.  #211GingerSky on September 22, 2011 at 9:14 pm

    Daria, I bookmarked the unschooling site, thank you!

    It would feel good if you’d keep me posted on your (living) situation…? If it was my decision alone I’d say come room with me! I support you and hope you get the best situation possible for *you*!

    We usually make group decisions here (even if there are sometimes only 2 or 3 of us… sometimes there are maybe 10 of us though… have been maybe more in the past. We need to have maybe 25-50 ideally. ). And the man I love is the one who owns it all so far (till it’s turned into a fully-functioning community, and we change the land-status, and put ourselves on the IC website etc… hopefully sooner than later).

    Night all… be back in a day or so.



  212.  #212Starla on September 22, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    I had to fight and lie my way to it this evening, but nothing stopped me from getting to my first belly dance class.

    Feeling so proud and happy

    I even walked over 3 miles home in the dark.

    Nothing was stopping me.



  213.  #213Poopy pants on September 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    I am stupid.



  214.  #214Poopy pants on September 22, 2011 at 9:58 pm

    I am stupid.1



  215.  #215Starla on September 22, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    lololol poopy pants, welcome.



  216.  #216English Woman on September 23, 2011 at 12:34 am

    OMG I am sooo behind on posts. 🙂

    Anybody know the best way to deal with a bad work situation, we have had a shuffle round at work and although I thought things were bad before it is now even worse, if I had a husband or money in the bank I would hand in my notice today………but I have neither so must plod along for now.

    The 25 year old guy has been appointed supervisor and it’s not his age that bothers me but his attitude, I am now being micro managed by a mini Hitler with a short fuse and sadly for him I am not the type to take it lying down. He really does bring out the worst in me. 🙁

    I am feeling ill now just at the thought of going to work…….any advise Sirens besides looking for another job which I am going to concentrate 100% on this coming weekend.



  217.  #217Ella on September 23, 2011 at 1:09 am

    Eeeek, I f8cking did it

    “Hey J,
    It would feet GREAT to see you and celebrate with you and actually I don’t feel good accepting dates without a firm plan and time.
    xxxxx”

    OMG I can’t believe I actually said that to him!

    I don’t even know if he was proposing a proper date!

    Oh well f8ck it I am a Goddess and I like proper dates.

    I don’t care… I’ve done it now.

    Not sure how I feel.

    I do already have a back up plan for tonight though…

    Thanks to all Sirens who helped me work through these scripts last night.

    Feeling nervous, lol – don’t know why!



  218.  #218MiRi on September 23, 2011 at 1:46 am

    I’ve been reading this blog and all the insightful comments posted under each blog posts.
    Now I’m ready to share my own story. (please excuse my English, my native language is French actually).

    Thank you all for your insight. The comments help me a lot, I’m going through a “dropping the ball” experience right now.
    I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months now. Everything was perfect… but… it’s been 3 weeks since he was out of contact, like ignoring me. Before I knew about Rori Raye and her programs, I felt litterally needy, trying to reach him, call him, ask him what’s wrong while everything seemed fine…
    Since I’ve read the post about “dropping the ball and see if he picks it up”… I dropped it like 7 days ago (and still counting, I try to stay strong!!), and he’s never called me back, not trying to get some news, etc. I did not call either. And I won’t.
    I made the mistake to “correct” him by saying he acted bad towards me by ignoring me… But now I know what to do…

    Do you think I’ve ruined the “relationship”? I’ll try CDating this weekend but I’m too focused on him, I don’t know what to do… I’m feeling upset and it’s tough… Will he ever come back?
    I’ve told myself to move on, but it’s easier said than done. At least, I don’t contact him anymore. A good start. “Stop waiting for a man” >> this blog post is helpful as well. 😉



  219.  #219Daria on September 23, 2011 at 4:59 am

    OMG ELLA YES!! I LOVE IT!!! WOOO HOOOO



  220.  #220Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:00 am

    oh wow Starla Go girl! how was it!

    we can now share bellydance moves… do you have skype? hook it up wiht a webcam and we’re on



  221.  #221Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 5:02 am

    Hope this will work…

    4 Tips from Cherry Norris:

    http://meetandmarryyourman.com/4-rules/



  222.  #222Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 5:03 am

    That’s great, Ella! Please keep us updated.



  223.  #223Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:04 am

    i woke up feeling FANTASTIC!!! yesss!1 thank you MEEE



  224.  #224Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:07 am

    I had wonderful amazing dreams that included going to a lunch with Ella… where she was eating this cool Focaccia type pizza, and was telling me to put wheat on it… ther was ground up wheat and some curry in the sprinklers instead of the usual parmesan…

    and i felt a bit uncomfortable as I don’t know if i had money or not

    and some guys came and hit on us i think!

    it was an outdoors place with a fountain!

    Then also i was with my mom on a train and coming through the area where we used to go to the mud.

    And there were some mixed ethnicity asian and black girls on the train and they had freckles and said they were from ireland. and they were vacationing there with their kids

    and then a tree fell into the sea, with a big bird leaving a big black stain on the water for a second…



  225.  #225Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:16 am

    Ok I am feeling jealous of Sweetpea! And i feel ashamed of that so i am choosing to expose it for healing.

    i wanted to be the one who put clothes together for people (i know i still can) and she went ahead and set it all up and even has clients for it! that feels unbelievable to me!

    and me, im with the idea still

    but havent’ made anything happen! because i do nothing!

    ouch

    ok that feels bad

    so jealousy i say is great! cuz it shows me what i WANT

    and i Do want to do this i guesss!

    i just feel scared!!

    🙁

    waaamph

    but this is the first step to healing



  226.  #226Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 5:18 am

    Hi MiRi,

    You are doing great. Don’t assume anything about him. Just choose to believe what he has told you. Read around the blog, get Rori’s book if you don’t have it yet. It gives the basic nuts and bolts about how to do relationship. Also start cdating yourself and people in your immediate environment as much as possible. Smile, look guys in the eyes for 5 seconds. He needs time to get over what he was feeling or what happened and might just come back. But focussing on that won’t help. Focus on changing your vibe and your communication style just in case he comes back he experiences you as new.



  227.  #227Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:19 am

    I’ve use the Miracle Soap II as shampoo and it works great for me.

    Now i use soapbar shampoos from various places i find online

    I’ve used Nettle infusion as a rinse and that worked amazing !

    I will be doing some Catnip infusion rinses as well.

    I have fine, soft straight hair…



  228.  #228Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 5:21 am

    Putting People on a Pedestal
    Allowing Our Loved Ones to Be Human

    When you put somebody on a pedestal it is giving away your power and saying you are not good enough.

    When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don’t seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually “perfect,” the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is—a phase. It’s when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise.

    Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don’t allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly is.

    We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals—we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within ourselves and our relationships.



  229.  #229Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 5:33 am

    English Woman what do you have to lose? Cdate him too though he is your supervisor and tell him exactly how you feel in the moment when you interact. Otherwise your contempt might ooze out through your pores and smack him right in the face. You said you are looking for another job anyways.



  230.  #230Lili 41 on September 23, 2011 at 5:42 am

    Calling all Sirens!
    I need help with a fm.

    Context:
    I started the relationship withholding myself out of fear. I was the center of the guy’s universe and I felt scared and suffocated.
    He did not feel important and wanted by me so he started to treat me like I was not important, basically like sh*t.
    His behavior was the kick in the a** that I needed to take a long look at myself to see what I was doing to inspire him to treat so badly. I saw how my fear held me back from being who I wanted to be and having the relationship I wanted.
    So I shared that with him and everytime I was with him, I told myself “what would I be doing if I was not afraid?” and I started to be giving and spontaneous. He loved it! That’s the women he wants.
    But he doesn’t trust that it’s the real me and he suspects I am being that way only when I feel that the relationship is threatened. He is scared that I will go back to being cold and withdrawn once I know I HAVE him.

    Last night, I repeated what I have been saying for 3 weeks now, but in a different way with a calm and peaceful vibe. I said this after he started making moves on me bc he mistook my call for a bootycall. I turned him down.

    This is the way I said it: I wasn’t ready to give myself to a relationship when I met you, I was overwhelmed with feeling scared, I protected myself by withholding myself. I have experimented with you by tossing asside my fear and being myself. That helped me see that I was withholding myself from great moments that felt amazingly good. That experiment helped me see what I really want out of a relationship and the kind of life I want.
    Now I know what I want and what is holding me back from getting it. Now I feel ready to give of myself. I just don’t feel good giving of myself to someone when I am treated poorly, I want to choose who I will give to.
    I have been saving myself for you, but you are not showing up. I have had other men show me interest and I have turned them down for you. I feel that I should give them a chance. I want to toss my fears aside and be me. Maybe it would be better for me to start fresh with someone who will start out knowing the real me.

    He asked “you have other men showing you interest?” I sais yes, there’s my friend I’s brother who even told you himself to let me go and give him a chance if you aren’t serious about me.
    There’s a guy at work who asked me to go hiking with him which I love to do.
    My friend K’s bf has someone he would like me to meet. I have someone interested on eharmony.

    He said he would think about it and call me. He keeps repeating that over and over again.

    So, I’m calling all Sirens to help me transform my speach into a Siren FM speach. Can anyone tell me how to say the above ?

    I want to hold my ground by standing for my boundary. I no longer want to accept taking nothing but crumbs: He loves me, we have amazing sx, but he refuses to make plans and commit to the relationship. He does miss me a lot when we don’t see each other and he does love me, it shows. But he always keeps his schedule open for everyone and will only call me and ask to see me on the spot. He will plan time with me at the very last minute and if his friends are available, he will drop our plans.

    Now I am withholding not out of fear, but because I refuse to give myself to someone who will treat me like I am nothing important : I feel like a trophy gf and a bootycall.

    I am going on and on…I would really appreciate your help with this Goddesses.



  231.  #231Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 5:43 am

    RE 180 Kayla now you have an example to cite when you talk to him about calling. I would verbalize to myself that I refuse to feel guilty about this and to him tell him you prefer that he calls for now because he does not own a phone. When he gets a phone then you can revisit the commitment and reconfigure the way you communicate. Explain to him how you feel all tied up in a knot when you call and there is no answer. Or possibly what you might be assuming the owner of the phone is thinking. Just get clear for yourself how you are feeling about it or what you are thinking.



  232.  #232Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 5:53 am

    RE 224 Under such circumstances it is understandable that he is untrusting. He wants to know the real you not for you to change yourself into what you think he wants. I would communicate that I want. In the past maybe when you called he felt your vibe as being turned on in your body so your meeting up turned into a booty call. I would refrain from initiating any calls to him.
    Telling him you are treated poorly is blaming. He just needs to know what you need to feel treated like a goddess. He knows until he commits you owe him nothing and are a catch for any man. I believe you are feeling the intensity because you are holding yourself for him rather than cdating. Seems like you have a lot of options than can help you lift your vibe, I would use them. Having intimacy right in front of you is not any reason to turn your flirty girl off.



  233.  #233Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 6:01 am

    Lili41 “you are not showing up” ” have experimented with you” ‘I am treated poorly,”.
    OUCH sounds like blaming, criticizing, using him and trying to fix him ouch ouch ouch. He might be trying the best he knows how. Sounds like a very unhappy girlfriend. If he comes back I would focus on telling him my dreams and visions of a great relationship and what I want to create in my life. Being with someone who sometimes want to throw caution to the wind and just revel in the bliss of our relationship. Someone who sometimes will choose not to care about anything else just to be with me.



  234.  #234Lili 41 on September 23, 2011 at 6:07 am

    Thank you FW!

    You help me see things that I don’t see myself. We are in a way using our CDs as free therapy and practice. But I agree that saying it like that, OUCH.



  235.  #235Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 6:07 am

    RE 173 Lili you said you were not ready for a commitment when you started with him. Now that you are ready for one it might be time to let go of that relationship and create a new one. I would appreciate him for the time we spent together. If you were not ready for a commitment but still agreed to have sex I assume it was because you wanted to be safe in doing it in an exclusive arrangement to protect yourself. It seems its usefulness have worn itself out and its okay. It is just not okay to take out your frustrations on the man who seemed to have agreed to give you what you wanted at the time. He was enjoying himself and so were you. Now you have grown and are at a different stage in your development. I am having a difficult time seeing what he has done wrong. Or even you. It is just time to grow bigger and maybe “his light is not shining as brightly as yours”.



  236.  #236Lili 41 on September 23, 2011 at 6:10 am

    FW 227.

    I love the way you suggest expressing myself. That way feels so beautiful and inviting.



  237.  #237Lili 41 on September 23, 2011 at 6:14 am

    229 FW

    That is a possibility. He wanted a commitment right from the start but I just wanted to take my time and get to know each other. I was paralyzed by fear. That fear became reality.



  238.  #238Starla on September 23, 2011 at 6:32 am

    I talked to CD1 last night for a couple of hours on the phone as I walked home.

    It was a great conversation. We are very open with each other now about how much we adore the other as a person. And it doesn’t feel like pressure on either of our parts to be or do anything. Just pure appreciation from one human to another.

    We really bring out the best in each other. In fact, I am noticing that guys who might not bring out the best in me tend to self destruct and eliminate themselves quietly from the picture. Like one guy who was gonna take me for coffee but my phone was broken so I couldn’t get in touch with him. He is a bit volatile and insecure, and rather than trying again with me, he’s gone moody silent treatment on me.

    So all my CDs are mutually admiring with me, and bringing out the best in me!



  239.  #239Ella on September 23, 2011 at 6:42 am

    Oww, I am feeling rather nervous and a little antsy now… is this growing pains?

    Feels weird that I said that to him…

    I have felt good mostly today and now I am feeling a bit pine-y.

    I will let you know what happens but I honestly don’t expect much to happen in terms of it causing him to do anything… it was all more about me finding a boundary and learning to express that and honour that no matter what.

    I do believe it will improve my self esteem, this has certainly been my experience so far, and yet I feel kinda afraid and small somehow and lonely atm 🙁

    It would feel great to see him.

    But I have to create space in my life and say no to what I don’t want before I can have what I do want I believe.

    Well I am teaching Zumba tonight then off to the local pub (where I will be practicing drinking less) for a kareoke disco…

    The rest of the weekend is kinda open still, a few possibilities of stuff happening and I am getting to practice being relaxed and not trying to have everything planned and set in stone… (except for my date offer 😉 )



  240.  #240Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 6:54 am

    Ella your words practicing drinking less kind of struck me as a bit odd. I brought back to memory a friend who owns a bar. What I have noted with him is that when he is there he always has a glass of coke and water drinking. I never asked him why but I just wanted to share that with you.



  241.  #241T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 6:58 am

    Sweatpea – its refreshing to see another person who likes to sew on here! I love sewing but it appears to be a lost art these days. I love the satisfaction of wearing something that I have made that nobody has has 🙂

    So I admit, I haven’t sewn anything in the last year with all the ups and downs I went through in my life (divorce, move, etc.), but the other night I went through my pattern stash and picked out a couple patterns to get me back again. Also, I think for Christmas presents this year I am going to sew up some hot pads and mitts in really pretty fabrics.



  242.  #242T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 7:01 am

    206 Starla – how was your belly dancing class? I took a class a couple years ago. Hmm, something to look into again – it was fun!



  243.  #243Daria on September 23, 2011 at 7:03 am

    hey i just thought… instead of the word ‘values’ which i read Yeye doesn’t like and felt excited because i didn’t either – vaguely

    i just came up with “Joys” instead
    what are my joys!?? haha

    yessss



  244.  #244Lili 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:06 am

    Basically how I see my situation is like this : He loves me and wants it all from me, but is unwilling to comprimise and give of himself again to risk getting disappointed again. That leaves me feeling used.

    I think you are right FW, there is nothing much I can do to get his trust back except to keep repeating what I want, don’t want and how I feel. I’m having a lot of difficulty finding the Siren way of expressing al of this.

    I believe your on to something. Maybe I should focus more on the positive side of the situation.



  245.  #245Ella on September 23, 2011 at 7:08 am

    Miri,

    Yes he will probably be back… once you forget all about him! 😉

    I know it feels hard at first, I have so been there many, many times.

    And actually just keep gently re-focusing back on you… and not him.

    You’ve taken the first step, when you stopped calling and leaning forward. great!

    CD-ing will really help cus it will distract you.

    Keep going Girl.

    You haven’t ruined anything.

    Eeverything can change on a dime once we have our Siren vibe working.

    xoxox



  246.  #246Lili 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:11 am

    Hi Ella,

    Thanks for sharing your experience. If you don’t mind I will take it to help me with my own situation. I like your way of seeing yours. It must feel liberating.



  247.  #247Ella on September 23, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Lilli of course you can!

    🙂

    It is all Rori stuff anyway.

    I have just seen bits of your posts so far.

    Don’t worry about what he wants!

    Really, focus on you and what you want. The rest will fall into place naturally.

    And yes he will complain, but all the time you tell him stuff in words and never follow through with actions he will not believe you. And will continue to take what you give and give nothing back.

    This is not good for the relationship.

    Don’t bother to explain this to him… just take a step back, focus on you… start with small things.

    Go out, do something that feels good.

    Flirt with men.

    He can’t experiement with giving to you unless you create space for him to do it… it might take time.

    He will complain.

    Don’t worry about his grumbling… find your inner strength.

    This is to where I am at this post could be to me for myself.

    We can do it together!

    Hmmm, just noticing I feel a little weird gving so much advice, feels good too though.

    I love my helpful boy energy too.

    xoxox



  248.  #248Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 7:21 am

    Lili 41 I have also come to accept that my reaching out by calling him translates to him as me wanting friendship. When he reaches out it is for romance so as long as I am not demanding or making him wrong I can almost never say anything wrong.



  249.  #249Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 7:34 am

    3 – ARE YOU AFRAID OF GETTING HURT?

    Here’s the situation — after a long, casual relationship, he finally tells you he loves you. What do you say?

    Do you take him seriously and say “I love you, too?”

    Or do you start to feel suspicious — after all, your relationship has been non-committed all this time?

    That’s the situation that JH, one of my readers, found herself in just recently. Let’s read her e-mail together:

    “We’ve been in a non-committed relationship for the past 5 months,” JH wrote. “But one day, I got into a car
    accident with a semi-truck. I wasn’t hurt, but my boyfriend made the two-hour trip from his town to see me that night. While cuddling, he finally said ‘I love you’ to me. I didn’t say anything.

    “Alex, is he serious? I’m just scared of getting hurt by a guy again. I’ve already experienced being left by a
    boyfriend in the past, even after he told me he loved me.”

    Well, JH, here’s my advice — do you love him back?

    If you do, then take a chance on the relationship and TELL HIM!

    Here’s an important difference between ordinary and “cool” women. “Cool” women aren’t afraid to get hurt by a relationship that doesn’t work out.

    If the relationship works out, great.

    If it doesn’t, that’s okay — she’s too cool to be hung up over one guy anyway!

    So don’t be afraid of getting hurt. After all, most of us go through a few bad boys before we meet “Mr. Right!”

    Just make sure that the guy you’re seeing is always better than the last one — don’t settle for any less. That way you’ll keep meeting better and higher-quality men all the time!

    WANT TO BE COOL?

    The bottom line is this — a “cool” woman knows her way around the dating game. She knows how love works, she knows what she wants, and she knows
    EXACTLY how to deal with the men she meets in her life.

    So, here’s my question — do you want to be cool?

    Do you want to master the dating game?

    Do you want to know EXACTLY how to deal with the men in your life?

    To the happiness you deserve,

    ~Alexandra Fox



  250.  #250Ella on September 23, 2011 at 7:37 am

    FW thanks for sharing about your friend and the drinks.

    Re 424 I have probably missed some stuff and I feel confused/curious.

    Why is your reaching out percieved as just friendship?

    xoxox



  251.  #251Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 7:40 am

    RE 244 Ella I have look for the article where it was written. I received it from Rori.



  252.  #252Lili 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:42 am

    Thank so much Ella ! We always see other people’s situation much clearer than our own.

    FW, I see what you mean. Both You and Ella together are helping piece it all together.
    Why wouldn’t he see my call as a bootycall ?!? I keep repeating that I want something he won’t give me, so by calling him I am showing that I am willing to take whatever he will give me.

    This is where “Trust your boundaries” comes in. He can’t have the booty, he can’t have me all to himself, he can’t have me rubbing his head and back to help him sleep…without the comitment!!
    Make any sense?

    FW and Ella, you do great teamwork! Thank you for being here! xox



  253.  #253LobbyStar on September 23, 2011 at 8:02 am

    Have a date tonight with a CD that I’ve been seeing for a little over a month. He’s coming over to my place, cooking dinner, and we’re going to watch a dvd. I’m not very excited about it, and I can’t figure out why. We’ve always had a lot of fun when we’re together. Maybe I’m just not wanting to tidy up my place for his visit. Perhaps it’s because he sent me an email with the opening “Hey fun friend!”

    NOT interested in being a FRIEND.



  254.  #254Ella on September 23, 2011 at 8:06 am

    FW hmmm I feel confused.

    I thought leaning forward was generally discouraged?



  255.  #255Tmizz on September 23, 2011 at 8:23 am

    Ella – Yay for your #211!!

    Yay for stating your boundaries!

    I can see how that would make you feel nervous. But just think: you feel nervous because you were being *honest.* That’s different than feeling nervous because you are trying to “please” someone and do what he wants. You were letting him know where you stand. He probably had no idea. Now he knows! Yay! 🙂

    xox



  256.  #256Tmizz on September 23, 2011 at 8:27 am

    Ladies: Good news!

    Mr. TDH got back to me this morning! yay!

    (Especially yay for me CD-ing myself and going to dance class last night, then taking a hot bath with sweet wine, candle and incense. And giving my worries a cookie. In this case, it was the worries, not the NVs I had to worry about – ha. They can be brutal;)

    So, okay, it wasn’t a phone call. But I give him early bird points! He texted me first thing to say “Happy Friday, Sweetie.” It was sweet.

    Happy Friday, indeed! 🙂

    I am a sireny goddess, beautiful and hot.

    As are we all!! 😉



  257.  #257Tmizz on September 23, 2011 at 8:31 am

    @ Mel #151 – btw, thanks!

    That felt good to read! 🙂



  258.  #258Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 8:33 am

    LobbyStar I would assume that is how he sees me, especially with him coming over to hang out and me cooking dinner for him. Quite understandable why you are not excited. I would share how I feel. and what I don’t want.



  259.  #259Ella on September 23, 2011 at 8:34 am

    Lobbystar re 247

    Eww, that would put me off too. In fact when guys say that or even call me ‘mate’ I say I am not your mate… leads to a discussion in which I tell them I do not feel comfortable being referred to as mate with a men I am romantically dating… usually goes quite well.

    🙂



  260.  #260Ella on September 23, 2011 at 8:44 am

    Tmizz yeah and now I feel scared of losing him

    🙁

    A bit.

    Oh well, ho hum…

    I’m sick of crumbs… I love me more.



  261.  #261Jen on September 23, 2011 at 8:46 am

    This is completely off subject, but I am regretting something I wrote on FB and now I think maybe I shouldn’t have. My boyfriend’s niece is 5 months today and his nephew is 1 month today. I wrote on both his sister and sister-in-law FB page just happy birthday. I would have done this for any one of my friends but for some reason right after I posted it, I felt this drop in my stomach like it was a mistake. We are cordial with each other, but things are a little off lately. I wrote his sister a b-day message the other day for her bday and no response, so I don’t know why I even posted her daughter’s 5 month bday on her wall. Maybe it was too much? I feel stupid now.

    What do you ladies think? Was it too much? Mind you my bf and I have been together 6 years and are moving in together next month so it’s not a new thing.

    Thanks 🙂



  262.  #262Daria on September 23, 2011 at 8:57 am

    Jen – no, i wouldn’t worry… it was for the kids anyway, not for him!



  263.  #263Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 8:59 am

    Hi Jen,

    I am wondering if you are second guessing every thing you do that might be connected to him? Is that you have agreed to exclusivity without a commitment and moving in? Are you acting like a wife while you are only a gf and are feeling insecure?

    It seems okay especially if you have a relationship with them. Why are you second guessing yourself or feeling insecurity?



  264.  #264Ella on September 23, 2011 at 9:00 am

    Hmmm, it is obviously a day for standing up for myself… just did it again with another guy…

    Now feeling quite vulnerable… like what if I put up all these boundaries and then no men I like actually ever step up past them… like Daria said what if it is only the nerds and not the cool guys who come for me…

    Or worse – no one at all and I am just left sitting in with loads of cats!!!!

    Ok, I love my fear… and my NVs, love you guys, although here are some cookies, now off you go to munch.

    Except they are being quite persistant today.

    Sigh, ok thats fine.

    I do know that cool men do step up for me and come to get me and offer me stuff, when I just relax my mind and let go of expectation or the need to control who and what comes…

    Easier said than.

    Ok though I am just going to sit with my feelings and love my lil feelings.

    And I have a plan for myself (a backup plan fast becoming plan no 1) in case no men show up this weekend.

    I have a plan for tonight… and a plan for tomorrow, so all good really.

    And I can relax a little tonight as no important work to do and nothing till tomorrow afternoon.

    I still want to be careful of my drinking though as I want to feel good tomorrow and not hung over.

    Ok Ella, I got you. I love you.

    And we are gonna have fun… and anyway men will come, they always do!!!



  265.  #265Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:01 am

    I have a cdate who sings to me on the phone. Now it feels so sexy I am feeling like it would be good to have a relationship with a man who is willing to do that. It makes my heart feel really good.



  266.  #266Ella on September 23, 2011 at 9:02 am

    Oh yeah Mr – Whatever Dude!!!!!!!

    Feels like fire in my belly.

    Now that is suprising.



  267.  #267Jen on September 23, 2011 at 9:07 am

    @257: I think I am second guessing myself because I don’t feel comfortable around his family and I think deep down I might have had alternative motives- like posting something like that would make the uncomfortableness go away or something and I don’t want to do things for the outcome.



  268.  #268MiRi on September 23, 2011 at 9:10 am

    RE 220 Thank You Feminine Woman,
    Last time I had him on the phone (7 days ago, just before I decided to “drop the ball”), he told me there is nothing wrong and that there’s no reason I should try to understand what’s going on, and he was very distant and cold. Even a bit rude! (that’s why I decided to let things go though it hurts).
    No official break-up, no words, nothing. Out of contact with no reason.
    It’s tough but I really try to stop thinking about him. I tried the “look at guys in the eyes for 5 seconds” a few hours ago while having lunch with some girlfriends. It feels good to be noticed by men who checked us out in a polite way.
    Thank you for the tips, I needed to hear that. CDating coming soon, I’m planning a date with a colleague who used to ask me out many times several months ago but I always said no. This time, I’ll give it a try, I don’t have expectations, just having a nice dinner and we’ll see.

    RE 239 Thank you for your kind words, Ella.
    they motivate me to keep focusing on me and always have positive thoughts. The hardest moments are when I’m alone in my bedroom, at night, I don’t know what to do to NOT think about him. I probably need to go out and spend time outside my house more often.
    I’m beginning to accept the idea that it’s OKAY if ever he doesn’t come back, as long as I’m healthy and I feel good about it and having a good “vibe” to move on. The thing is, he hasn’t told me anything, no official break-up, no argument, nothing wrong, his coldness is driving me crazy.

    I’m feeling better everytime I read all your comments out there. It gives me courage (I need it!) 😉



  269.  #269Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Jen I would encourage you to explore the uncomfortable feelings. Sitting with them and noticing them can be healing. Projecting them and pushing outward is a way to avoid intimacy, in this case I believe with yourself. However saying happy birthday is a way of giving love and it is fine. Has anything been said by any of them in the past that made you question the relationship or if you are good enough for him?



  270.  #270Ella on September 23, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Jen

    No – nothing to worry about…

    Except maybe only as a channel to explore your own feelings ie: do you feel secure and comfortable with everything in your relationship…

    Or even just relationship aside, a chance to explore why this particular thing triggered you.

    You can learn a lot.

    xoxox



  271.  #271Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:16 am

    RE 262 MiRi please be open and warm if he invites you out but do not initiate. Smiling and loking at him in the eye can communicate your openness to connecting but reaching out could push him away. So I would not encourage you to invite him though he has shown interest in the past.



  272.  #272Ella on September 23, 2011 at 9:17 am

    Miri,

    Rori did an e-mail on no closure recently I think… was it an e-mail or a post Sirens?

    Did you read it Miri?

    Migh help with your situation…

    Hugs.

    xoxox



  273.  #273Jen on September 23, 2011 at 9:19 am

    Thank you Ella and Femininewoman! You both have given me alot to think about and I think I felt triggered because of my own N.V. But honestly, even though this is totally in my head and crazy, I feel uncomfortable because his family was really close with his ex-girlfriend who turned out not to be so great and I feel like if we have a distance between us does that mean they think I am not so great either. Stupid I know, but this is the thought that goes through my head alot.



  274.  #274Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:22 am

    Jen just choose to believe that you are great and everybody loves you.



  275.  #275Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:26 am

    Let’s call this Tool: NO CLOSURE.

    Well, first, what’s “Closure”?

    Closure ISN’T what we usually think of it as – that “final” knowing that a relationship is over, and finally getting to say EVERYTHING that’s been on your mind, get it out and have him hear it.

    Closure can simply be having the final word in a simple conversation.

    It can be about “owing” what time he’s picking you up, or knowing if he’ll ever call, or knowing what will happen next week.

    And Closure is the thing we try to get about all these things that leave us feeling uncertain.

    It’s that feeling of “If I could just know for sure…”

    The thought that you NEED to have the “final” word. That you need to be “heard.”

    And this Tool is so you forget all about those things.

    I want you to forget about EVER getting Closure – about anything.

    Forget about ever understanding anything completely, or getting everything you want to say out on the table, or finally feeling heard and understood by HIM.

    The need for Closure is what drives us to try to control every moment in our lives.

    So what would it be like if you never got any Closure?

    I know it sounds awful.

    We want to hear from his lips crystal clear exactly where we stand and exactly what he’s thinking and feeling, and exactly what’s going on.

    But the problem is, HE might not even know!

    A man may value you so much that he doesn’t want to lose you from his life, but he doesn’t know exactly what to do to keep you.

    The only thing any of us have to go on is what’s actually happening RIGHT NOW, and how it FEELS. So…

    1. Imagine feeling as though a man doesn’t exist in your life unless he’s right in front of you.

    Now…

    2. Imagine your OWN “Degree of Difficulty” being really, really HIGH.

    ***I fully explain and guide you through getting a High Degree of Difficulty in my Targeting Mr. Right program, and for now I’ll just define it here as: How hard a man has to work to get you and keep you.

    This is not about being “High Maintenance” and “Dramatic.”

    This is not about you being so busy that you don’t have time for a man.

    This is not about you pretending not to care, or deliberately not answering calls or playing the “game” of “hard-to-get.”

    It’s about you actually BEING a sought after woman, who all men find attractive and interesting – pretty much by just BELIEVING you are!

    So – your degree of difficulty is directly related to your real self-confidence, and that’s what we’re going to raise by this “No Closure” Tool.

    No Closure is about never putting a “finish” on things.

    Never asking for a “finish,” or a “wrap-up” or a “de-briefing” or even a “clear understanding.”

    It’s about letting go of conversations, letting go of phone calls, letting go of ever hearing from him again, letting go of trying to figure out what that “look in his eye” meant, or what those things he said to you “really meant” or any of that.

    And because not asking for, looking for, expecting, or getting Closure is something we are SO uncomfortable with and unused to – NO CLOSURE requires one major thing.

    It requires that you –

    3. Listen to and trust YOURSELF.

    This means – listen to and trust your FEELINGS.

    So, go ahead and imagine right now that YOU are EXPENSIVE – meaning you have High VALUE, a High Degree of Difficulty, and you’re very hard to get – NOT because you’re “difficult to be with,” but because you ALWAYS go with your FEELINGS.

    What would that look like?

    Well, let’s say it’s something simple.

    He hasn’t called in three days, the weekend is coming up, and you don’t have a date with him yet.

    You check your cell phone to make sure he didn’t leave a message, you check your email to make sure he didn’t leave a message.

    Now what?

    Well, you can imagine what’s going on in your head.

    “He’s in an accident. He forgot. He tried to call but couldn’t get through. He has family issues. Things are rough at work. He’s overwhelmed by the idea of a relationship. Something’s wrong. He’s dumping me…”

    You could probably go on for hours on just this one thing.

    So, what’s the No Closure thing to do?

    The “No Closure” thing to do is to…

    4. DO NOTHING.

    That means – not try to piece it together, or understand it, or make sense of it, or put a lid on your feelings, or send him good thoughts, or ANYTHING.

    So – how do you do that?

    Practice.

    Start by practicing No Closure in small ways in small moments.

    Let’s say he glazes over for a second while you’re talking, or he forgets about you while he’s watching the ball game on TV and drinking beer in the recliner.

    Let’s say he hasn’t told you he loves you yet, though you’ve said it to him.

    Instead of assuming that he doesn’t care, or worrying about what he’s thinking, what if you just turned your attention ELSEWHERE?

    I know that when you’re all bound up in a man, there doesn’t seem to BE an elsewhere – but there really, truly is.

    Every man out there – and there are SO MANY – is a possible “Elsewhere.”

    Think of the possibilities.

    If every man out there is looking for a woman with some “degree of difficulty,” what can you do to raise yours?

    Closure is something we want when we have NO degree of difficulty.

    When we have a High Degree of Difficulty, we believe the truth – that…

    5. We have Choices!

    If you’d like extra help with being in a place where you truly believe you have Choices, where you BELIEVE you have a High Degree of Difficulty so that you can stop even THINKING about “Closure,” my Targeting Mr. Right program will get you on track.

    Circular Dating works so profoundly because it creates a whole new way of BEING for you around men. It teaches you how to USE every single interaction you have with ANY man to ramp up your inner confidence and let that new attitude just radiate out of you – where it will attract the highest quality men – including the man you may be with right now! I know you have all the Choices in the world – right now – even if you can’t see them all just yet.

    You WILL see them, and feel them, and you’ll have all the love you want without worrying about what happens next.

    Love, Rori



  276.  #276Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:31 am

    THE RIGHT WAY TO TAKE THINGS SLOWLY

    Everyone tells you to “take things slow,” but how on Earth are you supposed to do that when you’re head over heels for someone?

    Easy: Keep dating other guys.

    There’s no point in trying to slow things down with a man when he’s the only one you’re dating. It’s practically impossible.

    But if you keep dating other men, you’re instantly able to take it slowly.

    Your schedule is busy with other dates and activities so that you’re automatically not always available to any one man, and it also gives you time to catch your breath and reflect on what he’s revealing to you about himself

    From Rori’s email



  277.  #277MiRi on September 23, 2011 at 9:34 am

    RE 265 : Femininewoman
    he actually invited me a few days ago, he was the one who planned to take me to a dinner. I just accepted. Yes, noted, I won’t initiate anything, no matter what.
    Thank you again!

    RE 266 :
    Ella,
    no I didn’t notice that post/email but I’ll definitely check it out (I’ve been receiving Rori’s daily emails for 2 weeks now, she probably wrote it before that) 😉

    This blog is really speaking to me. Feels like I’m reading exactly my situation and the words I’m saying! Amazing.

    RE 269 : aww Femininewoman, just when I was about to check the tool, you’ve posted it here, thank you!
    I’m reading it carefully!



  278.  #278Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:42 am

    “What actually happens is this: The moment he becomes your “one and only,” without his asking you (and remember – this is important – he has to ask you NOT in a “boyfriend” sort of way, but in a “wedding ring” way), he feels pressured.

    And as he feels pressured, all your insecurities and old patterns start to fight against your common sense.

    He almost instantly starts to move backward, away from you.

    And that kicks in your inner nasty voices and feelings of need and desperation, and so you automatically (if you’re anything like I was and like most of us women are instinctively), you feel compelled to move toward him.

    That looks like Leaning Forward when you’re talking to him, paying way too much attention to how he feels and what he’s doing, and trying to manage to see him and talk to him as much as possible.

    And he can FEEL all this.

    And it just sends him away.

    It sends him to the Land of “Just Friends.”

    So what you do now is backtrack.

    There are so many things to stop doing and to begin doing that will shift the Energy Exchange back to where it needs to be to reconnect with a man once he’s made the “friends” speech.

    You’ll find it all in my Targeting Mr. Right program. Everything from HOW to be flirty with other men and what to do once you decide to not settle into being a “girlfriend” without a commitment from him.

    But for now, start with bringing back “Flirty Girl” and opening yourself to all the wonderful men there are out there.

    Even if you don’t feel ready to actually go out with them, just thinking about it and taking baby steps toward allowing them to talk with you and connect with you will help you tremendously.

    Your man will notice the difference in you.

    This is the absolute first step in what I call BRIDGING – which is my word for a new way of “dating.”

    Bridging is how you cross the Bridge from an Imaginary Relationship to a Real Relationship.

    And the first and easiest way to Bridge is to keep all your options open all the time.

    That means continuing to allow other men to talk with you, get your phone number and email address, and SPEND FUN TIME with you.

    The reason for keeping your options open and “dating” other men is NOT to protect yourself, or make him jealous, or to find another man.

    The reason for “dating” other men is for YOU



  279.  #279Shar lean way back on September 23, 2011 at 9:46 am

    GingerSKY…LOVED your post from yesterday. They made me feel connected to me and the universe. Will copy and paste some. So wish everything would sink in and stay as soon as I read it. Feelings like “desire energy” “sweet body” “sweet mind quieted ” Daria and Sweetpea too.



  280.  #280Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 9:53 am

    Meaning – the quality of your emotion, and the way in which you express your emotions is directly how you get more love in your life.

    The trick for us is to get so “aware” of our emotions – the patterns of them, what triggers them, how they morph and change and and shift, and how it feels to not so much “manage” them as “feel” them.
    And as that awareness grows – so does your faith in yourself. In other words – your self-esteem and self-respect can grow powerfully as you become aware of, accept, love and express your emotions on deeper and deeper levels.
    When you speak the word “feel” and use it as a channel to express what you feel – you’re working on “all burneres.”
    And the way to live with negative feelings that pushes a man away is to RESIST them.
    The way to live with negative feelings that BRINGS A MAN CLOSER is to FEEL them.
    For now, try this:
    When you’re feeling “negative,” and you’re afraid your “vibe” will push a man away – notice what you do – notice if you start TALKING (what so many of us women do when we’re uncomfortable).
    Notice if you start all of a sudden getting “cheerful.”
    Notice if you suddenly start trying to make things “okay” in your mind and smile.
    Notice if you move TOWARD him – touch him, talk to him – in an effort to make the “bad” feelings go away.
    And then stop yourself. DON’T DO what you INSTINCTIVELY want to do to feel better.
    There’s a MUCH better way to feel better.
    SINKING IN feels like this: It feels like you just “give up.” You just give up on trying to hold back the feeling.
    Usually – when we stop holding back, all kinds of things happen – most often with results that aren’t what we wanted. It’s like a rubber band you’ve been pulling and pulling apart until it reaches maximum tension and then you let go and SNAP – it flies (and usually hits our man right in the face).
    So try this: instead of “letting go” and letting fly, hang onto yourself in a simple way – don’t DO anything – just give up trying to hold it back. This way, the “rubber band” just returns to its limp, graceful shape without a reaction that creates a whole new set of issues and moments and feelings for you to deal with.
    As you “go limp” and “give up” you’ll feel a whole bunch of things loosen in your body. Your shoulders will drop down, and what might have felt like an iron grip around your heart will lighten up a bit.
    Now, let’s say you – like I was – are stuck in a car, or in a restaurant, or in a room with your man, and you can feel your resistance tightening in your shoulders and in your heart, and you feel like talking to relieve the pressure.
    Step 1 – You notice what’s happening.
    Step 2 – You do NOTHING
    Step 3 – You FEEL whatever feelings you’re feeling, give up trying to hold the feelings back, and sink into them – as though those feelings are your deepest friends (they are).
    Step 4 – Now you use Feeling Messages to communicate with your man, and we’ll talk about that next.
    Love,
    Rori Raye



  281.  #281Sweetpea on September 23, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Daria, re: 219:

    Aww, brave goddess – I appreciate you sharing your feelings so gently and I feel a bit flattered that you’re jealous of me. I had no choice but to jump in, and you can definitely do this where you’re at. Although I suspect you haven’t done anything because your talents are a bit different than mine and you’re still defining that. If you do, however, decide you’d like to do what I’m doing, I just saw an ad in your area where they charge $640/day for what I define as “wardrobe organization” on my site. I know you’re resisting the idea of $$$$, but if you’d like to do this, I’ll be happy to share what I’ve learned about marketing with you. xoxo



  282.  #282MiRi on September 23, 2011 at 10:13 am

    RE 269 Femininewoman,
    this post is EXACTLY how I’ve been reacting lately.
    This “NO CLOSURE” concept touches me right in my emotions.
    It’s all about being self-confident, I’m lacking of it… It’s ridiculous how as I “grow up” as a woman (I’m 28), I’m asking myself too many questions, feeling less confident than when I was in my early 20s….



  283.  #283Legal separation on September 23, 2011 at 10:21 am

    With my boyfriend I’m the same way. No matter what I tell him…it’s like he doesn’t register any of it. But if we’re discussing something totally irrelevant…he suddenly has a brain….WTF?!?!?!



  284.  #284LobbyStar on September 23, 2011 at 10:23 am

    252: FW

    HE is cooking for ME!



  285.  #285Sweetpea on September 23, 2011 at 10:29 am

    T-Girl, re: 235 – yay! I agree sewing is becoming a lost art. I also knit, crochet, cross-stitch and make doilies – yes – doilies. Remember those lacy little numbers? Also becoming a lost art. I used to have a lot more time on my hands so I decided (when I was in my early 20s ) to learn some of the skills that seemed in danger of dying.

    I feel excited to hear about others who are interested in sewing, too!



  286.  #286Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 10:37 am

    Well then LobbyStar is it that you are afraid of receiving too much love and attention?



  287.  #287Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 10:40 am

    RE 277 Hi LegalSeparation, how about talking with him or sharing rather than telling him? It is great you noticed that because it could help you change your communication style.



  288.  #288Emoticon on September 23, 2011 at 11:02 am

    Hi Sirens I have a date tonight and I was trying to think of a skill to practice on this CD. I want to get the modern Siren program so I can maybe pick one from it to practice being a Siren on each date. I don’t have it yet. I was wondering if any of u guys had a good skill that I could use this date to practice.



  289.  #289Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 11:14 am

    Emoticon do you know Rori has a special on that program going on now?
    The details are here:

    http://www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/l/special/110923_specialoffer.html

    Maybe the All That Tool, The Waterwheel or Painting Yourself with Love might help. It seems like so many, even the lean back where you drop your thoughts to your pelvis while in dance position opening your heart, your shoulders



  290.  #290Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 11:19 am


  291.  #291Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 11:26 am

    Hey, it’s Mike Fiore . . .

    I wasn’t planning on sending you an email today, but I got this message in my inbox that I felt like I had to share with you about how a woman used “Text The Romance Back” to bring her husband to tears.

    Here it is . . .

    Deepa says . . .

    “Hi. Today my husband was so tired and frustrated
    with his work that he literally shouted at me on the phone.

    I sent him a message saying ‘If I were there right now . . .imagine my soft hands on your shoulders, your muscles melting under my touch, my long nails dragging across your skin. You feel yourself melting into your chair like your muscles are loose spaghetti. Like you couldn’t be tense no matter how hard you tried.

    All that tension flows out of you like water out of a spigot. Your skin tingles. You feel my breathe on your neck, my lips lightly kiss your skin and all your worries fly away.

    I love you, baby. Calm down.’

    As soon as his work ended, he read my message and immediately called me and started saying how he cannot thank God enough for having a wife like me in his life. I’m so happy. I thought I should thank YOU for that. So, thanks so much. You have brought back the intimate connection between us that seemed to have been lost. Thank you loads.
    Your advice really does work. ;-)”

    I’m sharing this email with you for 2 reasons:

    1. Because it literally sent chills down my spine and brightened my whole day (even though it’s dark and rainy in Seattle right now.)

    2. Because it’s a fantastic example of
    someone “Cutting and pasting” the ideas and material I give in “Text The Romance Back” and getting
    amazing results.



  292.  #292Femininewoman on September 23, 2011 at 11:31 am

    Love Note of the Week:

    Your ability to attract love in your life is directly tied to your ability to love and value yourself.

    “How we receive anything – love, money, health is all tied to our relationship with ourselves. Are you truly valuing you? Do you treat yourself as you wish to be treated by your Beloved? Make a choice today to be more kind with yourself, to love yourself just as you desire to receive love and watch as your outer world begins to reflect your inner world.”

    Love and Abundance,

    Orna and Matthew



  293.  #293MiRi on September 23, 2011 at 11:49 am

    292 So true.
    How come it seems so “easy” for me (us?) to have a high value of myself when it comes to my line of work and professional goals and it is so tough when it comes to love and personal relationships?



  294.  #294Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 11:52 am

    Hello world. I’m thankful for “Sweetie’s” feedback. As he is invisible to most, he should be thankful for me too…
    😆

    Ooooo, a lot of comments. This post must have struck a chord… or a whole chorus. I’m going to read it now.

    xoxo



  295.  #295Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 12:16 pm

    @4: Datingwonder says:
    “…Thoughts????…”

    Whew! Newspaper lists, hints, suggestions to call friends etc. That seems like a whole lot of leading around to “make a man do something.” I’m not coy; I’d probably just tell a guy new to the city “I like Southern food, or Italian food etc” and then go quiet. When/if he asked me if I had any favorites, I’d tell him one. Then we could both enjoy one of my favorite places, concentrate on having a good time and getting to know each other.

    While we are out walking around, if we see some place different, he’ll probably ask about it or suggest we give it a try “next time.” That way we build our own favorite places. I would not want a first date to be a “test for the man to get it right” in a strange location. Easy does it for me.

    That’s been my experience anyway… your mileage may vary…

    😀

    xoxo



  296.  #296Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    @93: Ella says:
    “…Addition to 147
    ‘…until I hear a confirmed plan… I’ll pencil you in’
    What do you think?..

    I think as I’ve always said here on the blog. I don’t believe it’s good to send message to men that I’ll put myself on hold for them for days at a time so they can “get back to me” (if they don’t find something better to do.)

    If a guy says let’s get together on the weekend. I’d respond on the order of… “that sounds good, what do you have in mind?… tell me more… ”

    1) I’m not looking for the “maybe I’ll catch up with you later if I’m bored enough” kind of invitation. If a guy is eager to see me, I’d prefer he let me know it…. and if he’s not all that eager… or all that bright… NEXT!!!

    2)I don’t want to accept blind offers. Is there an offer? What day and time. And what. I might not want to go with him to hunt bunny rabbits on Sunday, take part in a partners mud wrestling contest, bungee jump off Dead Man’s Bluff or have dinner at the exotic meats restaurant.

    If a man is asking me to merely put myself on hold for him, that doesn’t sound like a very good invitation especially during early dating. At least good enough for me… IMVHO of course.

    Or maybe I have a high opinion of myself… 😆

    I don’t believe those kinds of guys work out very well in the long run.

    😀
    xoxo



  297.  #297Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 1:13 pm

    @103: Emoticon

    Was it you from the other thread… about conception dates? I’ll go back and catch up there too… but… I’ve decided to celebrate October 2 and October 3 as conception dates. I’m also assigning October 3 as my “Sweetie’s” birthday since I don’t know what hs would be… er, uh, is…
    😆

    I love this season.

    xoxo



  298.  #298Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 1:16 pm

    FW – #265:

    Oooooh, that sounds so romantic. I used to hang out with a musician, a few years back. He played guitar very well and could improvise at will. He mostly played blues, which I love.



  299.  #299Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 1:19 pm

    I like spelling and grammar… hahaha
    😆



  300.  #300Emoticon on September 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    SLV yes it is I…n I love this too! So much 2 celebrate, y not?



  301.  #301Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 1:23 pm

    @138: Sweetpea

    Big thank you for responding about your online dating!

    xoxo



  302.  #302Emoticon on September 23, 2011 at 1:27 pm

    Feminine Woman. Thanks for responding. I think tonight I will focus on leaning back. I got the email. I’m gonna try to get them both on the deal so I will have an array of tools to practice



  303.  #303Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 1:32 pm

    @168: Sweetpea

    I’ve posted this site before. It’s still interesting for the crafty can’t-get-enough-fabric-or-yarn folk amongst us.

    http://www.craftster.org/

    xoxo



  304.  #304Femmystique on September 23, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    Hello Sireny Goddesses
    Just subscribing –

    FW: I feel empowered by your words, thank you for your wisdom and support.

    I am just dating myself for now…
    Blessings to all on the island



  305.  #305Emoticon on September 23, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    My NVs just told me that my date isn’t coming. I laughed at them cuz this guy is thrilled 2 have been given the opportunity to take me out. He wouldn’t b a no-show lol



  306.  #306Emoticon on September 23, 2011 at 3:30 pm

    Dear NVs plz find somewhere 2 live other than in my head. You are my worse tenants.

    How do u guys like my NV eviction notice



  307.  #307GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 3:41 pm

    #279 Shar lwb Thank you, and you’re welcome. That feels so good to read! I’m on here for just a brief rest moment stolen from tasks I must needs keep catching up on, and I wanna say this is all such pure gold here… so many good words, thoughts, feelings, honesty & wise revelation truths… I’m learning so much and keeping myself from engaging the man here (I’ll give him a nickname soon?) when I should be leaning back… and also feeling my stumbling way thru to lean back in the right way that works according to how things really operate… aaah… SO grateful for that!

    Hello & thanks to everyone… hope to be back tomorrow… or soon after. Missing Sirens & lovely sireny energy… blessings all!



  308.  #308GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    #306 Emoticon I LOVE your NV eviction notice! Excellent!! (I’m gonna keep reading down & see if your date showed up… keep us posted.)



  309.  #309T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 3:56 pm

    Oh great…I may have just told him he’s wrong only using different words. He keeps telling me “I’m the boss”. I keep telling him I’m not the boss. So in an e-mail after he told me I’m the boss I told him “just a friendly reminder that I am not the boss. It makes me feel yucky that you might see me that way.”

    No response. Nada. Just great. Here come those NV’s in a major way.



  310.  #310Emoticon on September 23, 2011 at 4:03 pm

    GingerSky 🙂 he just called and he’s on his way.



  311.  #311GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    #309 T-Girl I agree with your take on what you just did. Good call on noticing that. However, I do truly believe, and have experienced, that all is not lost and you can recoup and do successful damage control in a possible variety of ways:

    Ideas (and there are surely many more)… make a joke of it at a time soon, when it isn’t likely to seem forced or premeditated. Whatever is your humor-vein with this man can be used to flow into a quick good-natured joke/comment/aside (complete with some affirmation/validation of *him* in a leaning back way?) about it, and I bet the opportunity will come up *spontaneously* if you just hold space for it to, and hold it in your mind with winking good humor…?

    Like maybe I would say, “I just realized I trust you so much that if you say I’m the boss, well then I must be!” That’s maybe lame, but along the line of what I’d try, not knowing him like you do. Here, we do lots of plays on words, so I’d likely make a lame pun or rhyme on the word “boss” & it would defuse the whole mess up, or most of it. Guys are very very forgiving, esp when they like us… esp when they love us.

    What is it that Rori said once… “you can;t say the wrong thing to the right man” (leaning forward etc notwithstanding). You’ll fix this 😉



  312.  #312GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:10 pm

    #310 Emoticon Yay, I celebrate this small yet yummy & significant moment with you! (Take that, NVs! Ha!) I wish you a nicely leaned back, lovely, connecting, warm and sweet evening, Emoticon!



  313.  #313Daria on September 23, 2011 at 4:13 pm

    I’m noticing how often i feel I’m not good enough.

    Whenever I think of my parents I feel I’m not good enough.

    hmmf

    i find myself thinking if only i could… write a book, make a video, create a business

    i would be good enough maybe

    if it was recognized

    but im not right now

    i’m not good enough to do those things and i’m not good enough for not doing them

    hmm

    thank you for noticing this Daria

    it feels sad

    it feels stifling

    i love my feelings



  314.  #314T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 4:15 pm

    When he tells me I’m the boss in my eyes he might as well tell me I’m a nag or a bitc@h. Neither of which I believe I am. I know this is probably my stuff and not his – stuff that comes up from ex hubby. But still, I don’t like it.



  315.  #315T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 4:17 pm

    I feel like I’m going to cry…but then that feels like I’m powerless



  316.  #316GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    #309 T-Girl You smply used the right technique in the wrong way, and missapplied it to a situation in which it really doesn’t fit… I’ve done that thousands of times here too. You’re trying to stand up for what feels yukky to you… but there’s more under the surface than just that…?

    Eat your NVs (or give them a cookie… and send them to bed) so you avoid hyper-analyzing yourself w guilt & over-engaging them? I suggest just saying “oops!”, and going onward to find a light, yet depthful, stress-free way of viewing this… let the spontaneous moment for making it into a (perhaps ongoing?) joke manifest itself… and I feel sure again that it will.

    It may wind up making a cute memory and bonding you two together even more… as has been the case here for me at some of these times… esp when I manage a “good save” lol. And he is so understanding as many decent guys are when given half a chance.

    (And maybe also look inside with honesty, total acceptance & compassion to you, and see what triggers you so much about being “the boss”, and where that comes from for you? And how you can unhook & disconnect that from him… or conversely see what it is about him being like that with you that bothers you, and which may actually be something you truly dislike about how he is with you, and how your dynamic is together? (Keeping in mind that whatever you see about that will and can only be your story you write in your mind about it… as he may actually have a whole different take on it… avoid reducing him down to a flat character in your mind, and one you can imagine you can totally characterize w accuracy… let him *surprise* you, and know your “story” is only that — it’s about you, not him.)

    I am writing on your “mistake” so much bc it SO REMINDS ME OF ME. Omg.) I hope this feels encouraging and hopeful to you. xo



  317.  #317Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 4:25 pm

    T-Girl, although I’m not familiar with your history with this man, I keep asking myself if you have any idea why he thinks you’re the boss?



  318.  #318GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:27 pm

    DaRiA U r AweSomE !!! Truly.



  319.  #319GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:33 pm

    #314 T-Girl Awww… men also are often *very* good at managing to speak to our internal subtext… and they don’t often even realize what they’re doing!

    I.e. maybe he keeps making this comment bc you have this yukky undigested feeling about the whole “boss” thing, so HE keeps expressing it. Yeah, maybe undigested/unprocessed stuff from your relationship w your ex. My heart goes out to you… if he’s the right man, this will never matter! That’s what I believe anyway.

    Suck the good energy right outa your NVs and reclaim it all — you’re not perfect and it’s likely no big deal in the end? We’ve all got baggage… it pops out the sides of our psychic luggage once in awhile… doesn’t mean you’re not still awesome and sireny too… beautiful, lovable and cute… and worthy… and real & deep… and desireable. 😉



  320.  #320GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:36 pm

    #315 T-Girl And imo to cry is powerful… might release some of the old baggage and bring new revelations about what’s going on in you that needs to heal? Tears can be cleansing?



  321.  #321T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 4:42 pm

    Thank you Ginger Sky for all your wisdom. I think the thing that bothers me about being labeled “the boss” is I feel that is masculine, and with him I am all about being feminine. I was very masculine in my marriage and I care about this man so much that I want to do it right.

    I think I am also triggered because he has been hurt by women before so he does have some generalizations about “all women” and I feel this is one of them. I see him slowly letting those generalizations go but this one keeps popping up.



  322.  #322T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    317 Lyka, I don’t know why he thinks that I am the boss. My guess is that is the role he takes when he is in a relationship? He has been hurt before so maybe he has been controlled in his past relationships. I don’t know. I just know it feels bad. This man does everything else right, so I am going to hope that maybe this will open up a deeper level of communication that perhaps is missing.



  323.  #323T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    320 Ginger Sky, I will keep that in mind. I feel there will be tears tonight. We usually spend the weekends together. Not sure what is going to happen tonight though. Sigh.



  324.  #324LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 4:47 pm

    Hello Sirens!

    Happy to read you all, kicking back after a long work week…yippie it’s Friday!

    I don’t expect to be hearing from my cd tonight. Yep, gave him a demotion from bf to cd. He was dog tired last night, playing hockey til 7 and up for work at 4am. He’ll probably call me at the end of his shift tomorrow to hang out.
    I need to hold strong to my boundaries. I feel stronger now. I may have said things the wrong way, but I really feel the need to value myself right now.



  325.  #325GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:48 pm

    #313 Daria (yes, I’m still on here lol)

    You seem so good at communicating, knowing yourself, processing and keeping on top of details about your self and your self-care… so much talent must lie within in you that you maybe haven’t discovered… or trained on how to express it and turn it into expression/career/art/accomplishment? Parents have their own stories, like everyone else… the you that they see is just a character that resides in THEIR minds… and they’re too limited right now to let go of that and see you for who you are? Thar’s my story of it anyway. You are love, and revelation, wisdom, clarity, incisiveness, flowy beauty, sharp wit & crystal honesty… these are a few of the things you are to me.



  326.  #326Daria on September 23, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    this is from the unschooling basics group but is really helping me with some Rori stuff when it comes to men.

    and also more stuff for me when it comes to social events

    ” School or some other cultural meme sets up an idea that Every opportunity Has To be grabbed with both hands right now. That’s not a good thing – it undermines people’s ability to make choices. Failure to catch hold of every passing opportunity ends up being seen as Failure on a grand, existential level. It’s part of what drives parents to over-commit kids to the point of breakdown – or themselves for that matter.

    Unschooling depends on setting kids up to make thoughtful choices rather than
    boxing kids into situations where there’s only one “right” choice.””



  327.  #327GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:53 pm

    #323 T-Girl Would it seem too leaning forward to write him & say something like, “That was weird what I said… and it wasn’t about you, or anything you said. Must’ve just been old stuff coming up. Thanks for being there for me in that, and I feel better knowing you are. It helped me a lot. I believe I’ve got it worked out now, and hearing myself say that it felt yukky is helping me get over some of that old baggage. I feel so good now. You are super. And thanks again, honey!”

    How can any man resist that? Or whatever version of it fits your style & relationship vibe?

    What does everyone think or feel on it?



  328.  #328Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 4:54 pm

    I feel sad reading that, T-Girl. It makes me feel like there’s something or someone who hurt him really badly in his past and now he can’t shake it off.

    Is this something you feel strong enough to talk to him about? I read you are being feminine around him, so naturally, his saying that is not caused by your behaviour. There must be something hidden very deeply inside of him. I hope you get the chance to get him to open up and heal this part of him. It seems like you both deserve it.

    ((((T-Girl))))



  329.  #329GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    #326 Daria THAT (unschooling) is where my heart has been all my life… I was so rebellious (inside) about school and how it formed me & other kids.. This is *totally* awesome… we can use these principles in our work here too. **Thank you** for sharing.



  330.  #330LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    I’ve turned things around in my career and in my family. I’ll be darned if I won’t succeed in turning things around in my love life.
    I will use the same determination and resolve to learn and grow in my love life!
    In everything I have succeeded and evolved, I have done it through support and guidance from others. I am so grateful that I have found all of you supporting Sirens in this environment to help me learn, grow and give.



  331.  #331Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

    Sounds awesome and daredevilish, GingerSky, but I feel they still have to talk about it. “If” he means enough to you, T-Girl…



  332.  #332GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    #328 Lyka & T-Girl I was thinking his words were just a cute comment, as many men here inmy culture say that aobut the woman they love and it’s cute, funny & affectionate… endearing… and kind of commitment-y.

    Healing is needed on both & all sides, and brings deeper closeness… although it is usually messy in that moment. Hope it turns out to be a messy, yummy, honest moment for greater closeness for you in the end, T-Girl.

    Did you ever **ask** him why he’s saying it, before giving your FM feedback? He may feel you’ve been bossy, or maybe as in our culture here, he just means he’s super-fond of you, and wanting and willing to please you lots?

    Hugs to you… you’ll get this sorted out I feel sure. Maybe try & not obsess too much… but forgive yourself and let it roll off…?



  333.  #333Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Way to go, Lili! 🙂



  334.  #334T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 5:06 pm

    He means the world to me so I am going to talk it over with him, let him know it is me and my junk. I’m hoping he will call me as soon as he gets home from work. Thanks for everyone’s help. Right now I am going to go lay down and let myself feel my feelings rather than stuff them down.



  335.  #335Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Ginger Sky – #332:

    Well said. I second that. Although I still feel like he has an issue with authority or at least how he views it (authority). Or maybe how it’s being presented to him and then registered by him…just rambling here.



  336.  #336Lyka on September 23, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    Hope I’m not steppin’ on anyone’s toe…



  337.  #337T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    I am so greatful for the support of you beautiful sirens! Thank you!



  338.  #338GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:08 pm

    #331 Lyka I totally agree. And it also depends on the man and how much he’s used to and comfortable with words like that… and if he isn’t yet, then how can we best help him to be, imo…? Make it feel safe for him bc you’re taking care of you, and managing your own emotions without putting them *on* him, but letting him watch & hear as you feel (and deal with) them… oh, this is what I need to learn so much still… if I’d known this before, we never would’ve had 90% of the issues we’ve had here… it’s never too late, and it’s never about the man. That’s hard sometimes… but “men come and go” and they come back if they really fit you… no matter what.

    Keep us posted T-Girl. I wanna know how this turns out later. I just hope it all ends in laughter and closeness, and sharing the carrying of baggage together in trust, with space for both your human-ness.



  339.  #339GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:13 pm

    #337 T-Girl You’re very welcome, lovely Siren! I really believe this one tiny piece of “mistake” cake won’t be choked on by him — unless he’s hyper sensitive and not willing to let you be human! Then what would you want with him anyway… but I do believe it’s critical to let him off the hook and wipe away the impression of him having a wrongdoing in this asap, in the most smooth and graceful, honest way possible, and with NO energy coming from you that you are AT ALL worried what he’ll think, or if he likes/approves you… etc. Just say your truth in brief and light honesty, with warmth, thanks to him, and responsibility for delaing with your own inernal stuff. He’ll thank you for it.

    Let us know what happens!



  340.  #340GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    #334 T-Girl Yes… get grounded… and back in your body… aaahh… feels good and safe and sure…?

    #335 Lyka Yes, exactly. This whole four-letter word “boss” brings up a lot of stuff for us here doesn’t it… it certainly does for me too inmany ways, though many have already been worked thru by me… and I am recalling now that this word was a sensitive spot in my relationship here early on too, but can’t recall how now… it def brings up a lot of forgotten places needing healing imo. I can’t stop thinking this will just bring T-G & her guy closer and into more real authentic connection, acceptance, & emotional intimacy. If he’s a great guy.



  341.  #341Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:19 pm

    thanks GingerSky – im very awesome

    and thinking about turning myself into accomplishment … etc… i don’t want that, that’s what feels bad… i feel the drainy energy there

    im getting glimmers of seeing im awesome as i am, with the learning and sharing and expressing i am doing naturally

    what was going on for me writing that post was noticing my thinking that im not good enough – i noticed it, while before i was going along with it without noticing, liek yes, oh i wish i could jusdt do those things to be good enough etc

    like i totally am good enough
    i don’t need to do ‘something big’ or a particular recognized thing to be good enough

    though that may happen anyway

    i am awesome just practiicng with myself honoring my feelngs, communicating with compassion, planning on raising my children with compassion,

    caring for myself

    and all the amazing magical things i do and am and am interested in

    are awesome

    i was noticing that i have a habit of thinking that ‘im not good enough stuff’ and it’s a habit, and the habit is not good for me and i want to change it..

    in fact even if i never make enough money to ‘support myself’ and depend on public help or another person i am still good enough – even though that feels scary

    it feels like im unworthy of that even though it is in line with waht i believe

    like peopel will say but then you are draining US and not contributing

    and i know that for me that’s not true and i contribute by being myself

    i feel poked at in my chest writing this stuff and my mouth is all pouty and i sighed

    i feel my heart all squeezed and tightened

    i don’t believe that public help actually come directly from people’s energy so that if i am getting help that means someone else is suffering

    i feel all blank and closed donw saying that

    i am venturing in all these thoughts and stuff and looking at them now and it feels scary

    i just had my vision which was the naturalness of things

    like u know i breathe air

    and i eat food, and so do you, and everyone else

    and another person doesn’t deserve it more than i do

    because they choose to believe in money, or choose to align with certain behaviors

    money is not real, but a tomato is real for me

    and i have a tomato in the fridge in the kitchen

    and its not actually MY fridge, or MY tomato even, because when im not here or if the fridge leaves this place it will be someone else’s fridge, or maybe it will be a metal pile

    and the tomato before it got in the fridge was someone else’s tomato

    well not really it was a tomato

    no one owns anything, i just use certain things

    like fridges and tomatos

    and sometimes i feel attached to things, like places to live, clothes and jewelry

    and etc

    i want to help people but i don’t have to work hard to help people or push myself to do it or to create things

    i will help people when i am asked and i want to, and that will work magically in life so that i feel happy and i contribute to happiness

    i will do the things that are interesting for me and keep on championing myself and telling myself im great and the scope of the things i can do because i fidn them interesting will grow as my confidence grows

    i know for example i want to paint the walls where i live lots of different colors with murals of goddesses

    and i want to beat rhythms on stuff

    and i can tell myself yes when i do somethng
    a
    nd i wanbt to cook and have been sevond guessing myself

    and actually my special chicken soup turned out lovely

    and i can talk nicely to myself about my cooking without questioning and second guessing

    and if sometime it doesnt taste so good that’s ok

    thats how i do the stuff i feel confident at, sometimes i don’t turn out, and i barely notice and then i turn out lots

    i am very much enough and i intend to notice myself when im thinking im not and do something different and shift my thinking

    i am a special magical being and that doesn’t mean im better than everybody which was exciting and probably also scary and blocking

    im actually seeing right now how jes*us was not actualy about jesu(s being better than everybody he was just special just like everybody

    he was just one man and there was his life and he honored himself

    i know my past generations are in me and i can heal all the traumas that i notice in me

    long time since the time of the goddesses before the flood where my soul lives and really its not that long

    i feel excited that i live life now and see this and am able to find this way to heal me

    i want to carve wood too that would feel awesome

    and cut out clothes and make em

    i made some jewelry the other day out of the starfish

    i feel so awed awed awed by myself

    i feel ashamed to feel so awed and i love everythign about me



  342.  #342Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:21 pm

    my friend got boob implants and ti felt so good to not judge her about it

    then i thought wow well i got a tattoo and piercing but if someone does something to their boob it’s all of a sudden unnatural

    so what if she wants to do something to her boob cuz she thinks that looks better for her

    i like my natural boobs, and i also like my piercing

    i am noticing my buts and judgements and at the same time for that moment i felt accepting and ‘got it’ and i liked that



  343.  #343Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:24 pm

    T-Girl – although there were some other words in there, what came across most powerfully to me was that you felt yucky.

    you used a feeling message and meant it and i felt it

    good for you



  344.  #344GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:29 pm

    #341 Daria Oh, your words feel so true they are making and allowing me to cry a little… yes, the energy drain… and the weight of feeling like we must “accomplish”… I know *exactly* what you mean. I’m in similar situations, though no public help as yet, only help from individuals and my inner huge abilities which push to be born out of the inside to the outside, and are blocked by physical limitations and so on… I am learning to be between these poles, of being good enough as I am, yet also to feel myself exercise soem area of competence as well, bc sometimes I need that too.

    I could write on and on from this that you have said… but I must get back to catching up here. One thing I feel is true…

    …you are a poet, Daria, and you can’t not be one. Fwiw. Many thanks and blessings to you… xox



  345.  #345alias girl on September 23, 2011 at 5:31 pm

    i was going to post something here but i decided to post it on my blog instead. at least that way i won’t feel disappointed when nobody reads or comments on it. lol.

    scr*w u siren island.



  346.  #346Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 23, 2011 at 5:32 pm

    Chickies….I”ve been reading the blog the last few days…one thing that always strikes me is how hard we’re trying to break old patterns and find the right words to express to go where we want to and convey how we’re feeling…I see us working on this every day here and I’m so inspired.

    Today I was feeling spent and tired after a long work week….my LD keeps in touch all day by text and email and calls occasionally during the afternoon, but we always like to chat at night and say good night….this evening I was feeling weary and I wanted to avoid the call….felt like I didn’t have anything to offer and felt like it was going to be too hard….

    but I remembered Rori’s work about just being in touch with feelings and not having to do anything about them, just feel them and express them ….so I tried to find the word to say how I felt and all I could come up with was “blobby”….I feel blobby….and when my LD texted me about whether I felt up for a call….I just said “well I feel blobby..and I’m going to make some tea.” and he replied…and I quote:

    ” Well are ya feeling too blobby for a quick call? How about I have a cup of tea with you? K? xo”

    I was so moved by his willingness to just be with me in my blobbiness! lol….what a gift to find a feeling message and just say it even though it felt silly but true……and of course in our call tonight he was just fine,…and expressed when he feels that way too sometimes….and saying it’s ok…however I feel is ok with him……..and it just opens things up……

    wanted to share this with you……feeling and healing and growing…..it’s feels so good!

    xox



  347.  #347Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    thank you! a man who i accidenataly texted… illl call him TextCd… who is somewhere aroudn his 50’s but kinda feels attractive to me (whoa!)

    and i hve been webcamed with him a couple times, said his roomate is moving out and offered me a place to stay when i come back to the bay if i don’t want to live with my dad and mom!

    yes!!!

    thank you!!

    i feel a bit wary of living with a man that is romantically interested in me… – we’ll see how it is with this cd, maybe we can be just friends in a way –

    cuz i would feel uncomfortable having male company over

    this is an awesome step though of places to live showing up for me!



  348.  #348Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    thanks Ginger SKy i like being a poet.. i feel smily and soft that my words brought u tears 🙂

    i love tears



  349.  #349Daria on September 23, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Aurora girl that feels lovely and peaceful! yay for you!



  350.  #350Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 23, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    Alias Girl 345

    I”d like to hear what you have to say
    xo



  351.  #351GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:41 pm

    #321 & #323 T-Girl I just saw #321… you are welcome, my pleasure. All this seems to me to simply be the optinal chance for deepening your connection together most likely… and becoming more fleshed-out in each others’ eyes & hearts?

    As for not spending the weekend together, it may simply make him *miss you*, which is great… and we need to allow for these missing moments to happen for the man.

    If he’s got ways in which he sees all women, that’s areas he needs to work through… not your stuff & nothing you can do about it. It’s easy to try & wanna be a saint so we can finally give the poor man a woman he can be with who’s “different from all that” — but that does not work. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, bumper sticker, tatoo — and the scars lol.

    That’s his stuff… maybe just asking him sweetly and acceptingly why he says that can open up a new conversation. And even if he resists or acts uninterested, no problem. At least you still drew his attention to it lovingly, with acceptance of him & security in yourself, and he’ll go off & think it over and maybe get thru his own junk too?



  352.  #352Lilybelly on September 23, 2011 at 5:42 pm

    248:

    Oh FW!

    This reminds me of my other favorite saying:

    You can never do or say anything wrong to the right man.



  353.  #353GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    #348 Wow… thank you, Daria (big soft smile too)



  354.  #354Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 23, 2011 at 5:43 pm

    Daria

    I”m glad…….because I chose a fm instead of avoidance……feeling blobby has turned into feeling relieved and happy and amazed and loved. 🙂



  355.  #355GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:46 pm

    #352 Lilybelle Yeah, that reminded me of that saying too! And I said it to T-Girl i think, later on down the page.

    Me & my gf here say that all the time now… she’s so busy w school, she never gets on here, but I’m pushing her to… she loves this stuff and esp that saying. *What a relief to know that is true.*



  356.  #356GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    #347 Daria Yep, yay! You’re shifting the energy in your life! This feels so good to read.



  357.  #357T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 5:54 pm

    Good news…he just called and sounded like nothing happened. He is on his way over. But he did ask me if I was sure I wanted him to come over and I enthusiastically said yes.

    I do feel very emotional and I’m sure this time of the month has something to do with it.



  358.  #358T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 5:56 pm

    And when he is here I am going to be me…the real me even if I do feel a tad emotional. But I am also going to let him know how much I respect him and how much he makes me happy.



  359.  #359T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Alias Girl – I would like to read what you have to say. Even if I don’t have a comment I still read.



  360.  #360LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 5:59 pm

    I’m getting the hang of cd’ing to practice! Yey!

    At work, I’ve shifted my vibe from complaining to sharing my feelings. I shared my feelings to 2 of my teammates. Allthough they are not my superiors, they are at a higher level of the hierarchy then I am. They discussed among themselves and came to my rescue like 2 superheroes! 🙂 They stood up for me big time!
    Someone with very good intentions of helping was taking over my lead on a project. Actually it felt like he wanted to be the superhero and save my day, which is a good feeling but he was actually setting me back.
    My teammate went and told (not asked) him to leave me in charge as I have been leading all my projects for the past 3 years very successfully.
    The receiver was receptive to them bc I had shared my feelings with him the day before! 🙂
    No defending myself, just sharing the feelings.

    WOOOOWWWWW!!! These 3 men are being real sweethearts!!! It feels so awesome to feel so appreciated and protected!

    It does help my confidence in leaning back tonight from the other cd. I left him with plenty to think about, now I need to leave him his space.
    These results I’m getting else where really do prove that the tools work and I can’t wait to keep practicing!



  361.  #361Daria on September 23, 2011 at 6:08 pm

    Yay Lili! that sounds awesome! i love how you’re appreciating the men as superheros wanting to help you!!

    feels inspiring!!



  362.  #362GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    Gingersky has one thing to say right now…

    …why didn’t the older women in my family TELL me that correcting a man doesn’t work… and that I should *lean back*… where were those wise old women when I needed them? They skirted all around that truth in various ways, but hadn’t entirely mastered it themselves, so couldn’t really voice it to others.

    I want to commit to sharing this info with every young woman I come across… and some older ones… except the ones who might compete with me for my man’s attention… ha… lol… I feel delightfully powerful and childishly cunning, as well as a silly kind of “sophistication”, in determining and saying this… and like I’m taking care of me! (Used to actually unwittingly *help* other women get close to my bf’s by being too nice, inclusive, helpful, codependent, etc. And my gf here (who hopefully will show up on this blog *soon*) has the same story too, in a big way.

    This is clearly a little girl piece of me finally getting to see light and grow up… wow… she’s been in there a long time, locked away… she will come out now, and her delightful “sinister” energy will turn to pure and noble power, lovely and gracious, strong and lasting! And true to myself.

    I will not give away my power and secrets and truth to another woman who is undermining my place anymore. I let one do so, and then I let her have it w my anger earlier this year, even though I was partially amiss as to what was up… I *still* felt the energy right. And later as we became friends again (I live in community, so that’s part of what we do along with speaking our truth… we gat along and work side by side regardless of triggers etc… it’s great), she reminded me that I “still had not apologized” to her… and I said, “And I don’t plan to” bc basically you had it coming etc.

    She leans back real well in a way, and I learned **tons** from her.

    Ha! Learn from everyone you can, esp your “enemies”.

    And all this happened with the man present and involved in the conversations… and part of it was his fault imo, and part mine bc I intended our relationship to be more progressed and monogamous than he had agreed to… which was how it felt for me and how it is on some levels). I share this to share that there are many ways we can do things in communicating that we might not know or expect to be possible. Choices abound.

    Collate your own power.



  363.  #363LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 6:09 pm

    346:

    Awwwwww Aurora Girl.
    I feel all soft and jellowy reading your post. What good guy, takes you as you are.
    The wind is blowing from the West tonight, blow some of that Goddess dust this way towards the East.



  364.  #364LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 6:10 pm

    363:

    Please replace “dust” with “sparkle”.



  365.  #365GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:13 pm

    #357 & #358 T-Girl YES! I expected he would do just that… men are awesome. Awww!

    He’s missing you and just making sure you don’t hate him now, lol! (Or that you’re not all grumpy roward him or something?) Awesome! Way to go. I believe all will be very well indeed for you. And if you learn along the way that there’s room in this connection for your honest humanity, then how great is THAT?!



  366.  #366GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    ((Doing the vistory dance strut football field thing for T-Girl… now bellydancing for her too… lol… ha ha ha!))



  367.  #367GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:15 pm

    victory, i mean



  368.  #368GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Aaahh… can I just get paid for being on this blog… I like it here ((*))



  369.  #369LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    359:

    Ditto.

    Alias Girl where are you?



  370.  #370Senior Lady Vibe on September 23, 2011 at 6:21 pm

    @202: Sweetpea & Gingersky

    I’ve been fortunate to find sewing patterns on eBay. knitting needles too.

    xoxo



  371.  #371T-Girl on September 23, 2011 at 6:25 pm

    Thank you GingerSky! I think I will join you in the football dance/strut and bellydance 🙂

    I think one of the things I learned tonight is that I am really afraid of true intimacy. I am very nervous about opening up to talk about this with him. I don’t want to hammer it out but I’m sure it needs to come up somehow.

    Thanks for being there for me tonight. Better go now as he will be here soon!



  372.  #372GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:26 pm

    #370 SLV Nice, thank you! Thinking of that, esp w winter coming on, makes me feel ALL feminine-y… I need that… it feels really good and like long lost pieces coming back… lost since babyhood… I let it come and receive my feminine energy. Let it be expressed in fabrics and the web-weaving of knitting (if I can get good at that again… it is deep discipline to hold that tension rightly w the yarn… helps me be better at my life in general… haven’t knitted since 1981 in London on the train everday to work.)

    SLV I have tons of knitting needles… was gonna give them to a friend who knits all the time & probably sould have… but will use some myself perhaps. Thank you!



  373.  #373GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:29 pm

    #371 You’re most welcome T-Girl. It helped me too. If you’re still on here, I suggest no hammers… only flexible spatula knives to help spread the smooth butter & honest fruits of your connection sweetly! 😉
    Best of all good things to you!



  374.  #374Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 23, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    363, 364
    Lili

    sending Goddess sparkle dust with the east bound wind this evening to you and then we can both spread it north and south and share with all sirens everywhere……..with love



  375.  #375GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:35 pm

    #364 Lili41 “Dust” worked for me… i saw it as sparkle anyway.



  376.  #376Daria on September 23, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    “”You should take time for yourself!” — when offered by a mother to her
    daughter (grown with kids)
    “Why do you have 4 dogs?!” — offered by a father to a grown child
    “Your son needs to go to school. Our son gets all A’s in school.” —
    offered by a SIL

    *******************************

    In each case, you can easily hear a defensive statement offered. Trying to
    justify your life, your choices etc…try to educate, inform, enlighten.
    Many of us have been there and done that. Over and over. The fact is that
    it almost never works. There is a subtle, (sometimes less than subtle)
    attempt to bully the listener into acting, thinking, or doing that which the
    speaker is addressing. Because of this, there isn’t really any amount of
    “education” that will work to bring an end to the inquisition. You only
    waste your breath and in many cases appear to weaken your position by
    offering explanations and placating gestures.

    Try saying nothing. Just stare at the person. You don’t have to be unkind
    about it. But just be clear you are paying attention. If they question you
    more, be attentive more. Most Americans are very uncomfortable with
    silence. And it helps to bring about startling change if used consistently.

    The other thing to think about is WHY are they asking? WHY do they pressure
    you? Is it out of love for the child or is it something less noble? After
    all, if you espouse the virtues of an unschooling life as being as good as
    or better than conventional parenting/compulsory schooling then are you not
    saying by default that those who DO what you have rejected are not parenting
    in the loving way you are? You may be doing this or you may not have had
    the thought, but it’s all about perception…if your SIL perceives you are
    saying “I love my children more than you love your children as evidenced
    by…” she will be angry and defensive. She may call CPS or she may throw
    her energy into “converting” you back to doing what she does so she doesn’t
    have to change her worldview.

    Another reason people ask things or say things, especially like the
    statement above from the mother about “time”…it’s because (or may be) she
    had wished she had time to herself, or she may have been a mother who did
    take time, and so like the SIL, even if she’s not coming out and saying it,
    may be pressuring you to fit the paradigm she used because anything else
    will shine a light on those things she may have done “wrong”.

    So instead of trying to defend yourself, or explain yourself…just “be”.

    In the first example, a very simple, “Thanks Mom, I’ll consider what you
    said.” Notice there is no weight given the suggestion. But there is
    acknowledgement of her offer of “helpful advice” and that should end
    things. If she presses in future, “Well are you?!” “I am considering what
    you said. Thanks Mom.” Can be very effective.

    In #2 Just silence.

    In #3 I would also use silence. (However, I tolerate NO interference from
    my siblings or their mates in my life. So were I pressed I’d tell the SIL
    to drop it in no uncertain terms. But that’s me. Might not work for you.)

    All of this to say, I guess, that it’s sometimes helpful to remember that
    just because someone fills the silence with noise…doesn’t mean you have to
    respond in any way. You don’t HAVE TO do anything. Even if they are
    family. Too many people are bullied by their family system process and it
    just doesn’t have to be that way. You have changed one thing about your
    life, (the way you parent your children) why not create change in other
    relationships? If you attempt to make change happen and it’s not working
    out, there isn’t anything wrong with putting distance between yourself and
    that system.

    You only get one shot at this life — don’t let it be filled with toxic
    stuff just because it’s coming from “family”.

    Karen”

    this is super helpful to me

    i can just look and be attentive with silence

    :::
    “ohh.. its so late, be careful”

    for me: “thanks mom, that feels bad, and i’ll consider what you said”

    or….

    just silence and “that feels bad”

    hmmm


    Be careful!”

    thank you, that feels scary

    hmmm

    thank you for your care… and that feels really scary!

    wow… that feels really scary

    ugh i don’t want to thank them!!

    how do i acknowledge taht i’m aware that they care

    “it feels good to feel cared for… and that feels scary!”

    what if a man says

    pff i feel a bit sad and stuck

    “wow i appreciate the loving intent, and that feels bad and scary!”

    here wear my coat says man

    oh thank you and no, im actually feeling hot

    hmmm

    the reason i dont want to say thank you is cause im afraid it will encourage the behaviro

    and i feel furious and so striggered and ick and like i cant stand it!

    i dont want it to happen again

    and i have no control on that

    oooh

    that was interesting

    the reason i dont want to say thank u is cause i don’t want to encourage that behavior

    but i have no control on the behavior

    i only can control me, and express myself as honestly as i can

    ” be careful Daria :(”

    ouch it feels scary and sad being told that! thank you for the loving intent

    ohhhh this is like the tits

    “wow you have great tits honey”

    “wow thank you for the compliment, and actually i feel angry talking about my breasts”

    kinda like that

    thank you and i feel angry

    thank you and that feels terrible

    ugh i feel angry

    i feel sad

    SHE DOESNT GIVE A FUCHK THAT MY HEART HURST WHEN SHE SAYS THAT

    SHE ONLY GIVE S A FUCHK ABOUT HER FUCHKIN ANXIETY!

    wow

    ok thank you for that and at the same time blaming doesnt work

    for me to heal

    i feel like punching the computer

    “be CAREful Daria :(”

    ‘wow… thank you for loving me and it feels horrible to be told that

    my heart hurts and i feel scared’

    notice now i feel like continuing to chatter, about how i feel guilty saying that and blah blah blah

    how about thank you for the attention

    “wow, mersi de atentie, si ma simt groaznic auzind asta… ma doare inima si ma simt speriata”

    sigh

    wow thats pretty good



  377.  #377Daria on September 23, 2011 at 6:46 pm

    “thank you, wow i feel pain in my heart sa aud asta”

    :multumesc, …pause…., mm simt durere in inima sa aud asta:



  378.  #378GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    #376 Whoa, Daria, how I *NEED* this that you have posted. Omg.

    Just had a moment like this with a family member too… I do this to people, though maybe about 80% less since I’ve been leaning back, etc.

    I really needed this post, thank you a million times, Daria.



  379.  #379Daria on September 23, 2011 at 6:49 pm

    the key is to express how IM feelnig, not to try to do it to influence them

    “so how i feel is icky! feels likethe wind gets pulled out of me and my heart sinks in me and i feel sad!”

    and angry thinking about it

    OWWW my heart hurts hearing that

    isnt it easier to just leave!!!

    ugh!

    telling the truth feels better

    umf

    feels so damn scary!

    i love me



  380.  #380GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    I see how this goes both ways in my life… it came to me from my family member tonight, but with the most loving intent possible… but knowing what to say is HEALING… you’ve made such good suggestions here.

    I like your ideas, and how you said this. Like this a lot.

    And yeah, the tits thing… good reply. It is all like that in a way.



  381.  #381Daria on September 23, 2011 at 6:53 pm

    my heart hurts hearing that tone

    i feel sad hearing that tone

    i feel so angry!!!! I HATE HOW IM BEING TREATED LIKE A CHILD!!! FUCHK YOU!!!

    not so much

    thank you voices of me

    comign back to my body now

    Inner bonding stuff

    ma simt prost, de parca energia se scurge din mine

    i feel bad hearing that, like the energy and joy is draining out of me

    wow that is good!



  382.  #382GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Daria, she believes and hold to the idea that her f’ing anxiety gives her the right to manage or interfere what is outside herself, namely you, rather than to manage the anxiety from inside her?

    So thank you for feeling anxiety for me, bc I know it means you care, and it feels bad that you want to manage, change and berate me in order to help what’s uncomfortable on the inside of you. I don’t like that. And I don’t believe it helps anything at all for you to do that, or to do it in that way. I want for you to manage your own anxiety, and leave me to be whole in myself so I can feel stronger. I ned to feel like you believe in me, and it seems like I can never really have that need met with you… and that feels very very bad and sad. It makes me feel distant from you too.

    ?



  383.  #383Daria on September 23, 2011 at 6:58 pm

    wow GingerSky i feel glad its helpful for u too



  384.  #384Daria on September 23, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Gingersky – i have no clue what she believes and don’t want to get in her business

    the stuff about anxiety came out from me, forcefully

    we don’t talk about anxiety in our house very much, lately it has come up a few times

    i’ve never heard her say that or heard her say she believes anything like that

    those were my judgements about her i think that suddenly jumped out to be seen



  385.  #385GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    It helped me to say all that… thank you, Gingersky, for reading all of Daria’s post(s) fully, and for responding to them, and letting out what you need to say and hear. The knot in my stomach is now felt by me, and is unwinding and coming to the surface… and I’m feeling like I might now sray so iinsecure about what to say in these moments, and may be more competent with a ready word that is honest, and works to get to the Truth of the matter.

    I can breathe deeper now. This is scary. I’m glad I’m scared and I love my scary feelings, bc they mean I am being more honest & authentic instead of having a fake script to protect me from life things that are not really all that threateing… a mask which only closes me off to connection w other good and wonderful people. Whew. Knot still coming out…



  386.  #386Daria on September 23, 2011 at 7:03 pm

    the speech has a lot of you’s and a lot of assumptions about whats going on with the other person and what the outcome might be – never get that need met, etc

    i wouldnt use that

    for me, i was looking for a way to express int he moment, while im leaving out the door, which is one common scenario when i hear the icky feeling stuff



  387.  #387Daria on September 23, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    omgosh im reading your post that saying that helped you and i feel all guilty now having said that there was all these yous and i wouldn’t use it



  388.  #388GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    not stay so insecure, I mean

    time for bed… tired… love to all sirens… and poets (Daria)… and triggered defensive women… scared and truly wanting connection and the chance to love & be loved… and men who try with their best efforts to love us well… goodnight all of us real people.

    Goodnight, Sirens… you have given me good dreams and strength tonight. Be well and blessed.



  389.  #389GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:09 pm

    #386 Daria Oh, sorry! I was just soliliquizing about imaginary things I’d say to my Mom… just letting it out… getting half in dreamtime… pay me no attention? I’m just spinning off your post as it helped me get clear in my mind. You are right, and well said… thank you.



  390.  #390GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    And my Mom is totally not like that anymore… at all… she has changed, and been changed completely by a new close relationship w Creator… I was responding to what your post brought up for me as far as what I need to say just in a room alone, to hear myself say it, and get centered back in my body about it all w no stress left on it. Just self-therapy, inspired by your post here.



  391.  #391LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:13 pm

    Daria and GingerSky,

    I miss my mommy.

    I used to feel exactly like you described about my mom. So I moved far far far away where she had to drive 7 hours and pay long distance to get to me.

    It turned all around when I said this:
    Mom, I want to talk to you bc I feel safe in knowing you will always love me no matter what. I am taking very good care of myself and I know I will get through just fine bc I’m being responsible for myself by giving myself what I need. Right now I do not want to worry you, I just need an ear to make me talk to sort through my issue.

    Now, she is so loving and supportive towards me. Never ever ever ever did I believe possible…and it keeps growing to the point I miss her and have driven the 7 hours to see her twice in 4 months.

    You will find the words and all the resentment will disappear.



  392.  #392GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:14 pm

    Daria, thank you for teaching me, and giving me your honest communication. I like that and it feels very good. I still do have much to learn… I’m still learning to make I statements… it’s so elusive sometimes! Practice is good.



  393.  #393GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:19 pm

    The person I was addressing was the Mom who used to be, not the loving, supportive, amazing woman she now is!!! She & I have both lived to see this day come, and it is ***wonderful****. She had a horrendous childhood, and she is getting healed… and the beautiful incredible person who was always there is out now!

    I was talking to that voice left inside me from the old days w her… it’s a source of still a few NVs, and used to be a big source of many of them… no more. And I was also talking to myself when I do that to other people in my own way… talking to my NVs, bc they can’t argue with true words, and it quiets them… I barely hear them most days now. Internal work… Daria is right though… good words.



  394.  #394GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Lili41 Yes, that is how it is here too… I always dreamed of how things are now, but barely dared to think it possible… so glad to read your story here.



  395.  #395LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:21 pm

    Goodnight GingerSky, sweet dreams. xox



  396.  #396GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Daria I like what Richard Bly says (in The Little Book On The Shadow? )about how you can’t see your shadow & judgments until you project them out onto something… we do that some here where I live. And we don’t necessarily judge someone for having their judgments… esp if they say them as “well, this is my judgment… and I know that’s what it is… I see bla bla and I see you as being bla bla… ” and get it out there so something can be done with it to transform and use it, before it slips back under the surface to engage secret and damaging power. I think it’s good to get the judgments out — but not fling them onto the person necessarily. Does this make sense… gott ago sleep… thanks for all the sharing and inspiration everyone… it will be a rich dream night tonight I beleive. Hugs!



  397.  #397GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:31 pm

    (Oh, and btw Daria, I think Miracle II is awesome stuff.)



  398.  #398GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:33 pm

    Thank you Lili41.. so nice to be wished a sweet sleep when I’ve just lost my new housemates I liked so much… am alone here again… sweet dreams to you too 🙂



  399.  #399Daria on September 23, 2011 at 7:37 pm

    “Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater.” So goes the saying, and when applied to parenting it seems more poignant than ever. The question of whether or not parents should praise their children for “good” behavior is an issue to which that saying certainly applies.

    The “bathwater” aspect of such praise is its tendency to undermine unconditional love. When praise is only given under certain conditions, it makes the child feel more loved when they behave according to the parents’ standards, and less loved (or even “bad”) when they behave differently. The brilliant work of Alfie Kohn makes this and other negative aspects of praise as plain as day.

    The “baby” aspect of praise is appreciation, which is a powerful mode of thought that inspires and uplifts both the appreciatee and the appreciator. The root of the word appreciate is the same as the root of praise, meaning to prize, cherish, honor, or value. And what child would not benefit from being prized, cherished, honored, and valued?

    But many well-meaning parents, for fear of harming their parent-child relationships with the bathwater aspects of praise, throw out the baby of appreciation and lose a great opportunity to uplift and be uplifted. The pretzel logic of that fear goes like this: “I don’t want my child to think my appreciation is conditional, so I won’t appreciate him/her under any conditions.”

    A better alternative is to practice the art of unconditional appreciation. In other words, make a deliberate effort to look for ways to appreciate your child no matter how s/he is behaving.

    I don’t mean to suggest you should express appreciation for behavior that you don’t like: “Wow! You poured paint all over the brand new carpet! Good job!” But I am suggesting that you will always find something that you can sincerely appreciate if you are looking for it.

    ~ http://www.enjoyparenting.com/article/on-praise-and-appreciation

    Wow.. i appreciate your attention to me… and … hearing that tone feels so bad… i feel sad and like all the joy is draining out of me



  400.  #400LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:39 pm

    re 391:

    OMG!!! I just saw it!!!! Bingo!!!

    I posted earlier about how I succeeded in evolving with family and career, and I’ll succeed at my love life the same way…

    I reread the FM I told my mom: I see the FEEL safe, the I DON’T WANT, the being RESPONSIBLE FOR MYSELF; the GIVING MYSELF WHAT I NEED, the CONFIDENCE that I will get through just fine…Giving myself what I need by asking for her ear.

    I was always wondering how in the heck did I succeed the unbelievable with my mom! and not succeed in my love life?!?! I’ve been asking myself that question for 5 years!!!! and just found it here by accident, by writing that out about my mom!!!! I thought was totally irrelevant to my love life!

    All of Rori’s tools and FM are all there in my speach to my mom which took place 10 years ago!!!!!!! 10 years before I ever knew Rori.

    And guess what, Rori’s tools worked like maaaagiiiic even then with my mom, except I just put all the hurt and resentment towards her aside and focused on me and my feelings.

    I finally, after so many years made the link to what worked with my family life while nothing was working with my love life. This is so significant for me!!!!

    I feel awwstruck and soooo amazed at my power to learn and be so perceptive.

    I can’t say enough the grattitude I feel right now for Rori, all of you Sirens for inspiring all these thoughts and feelings in me. WOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!



  401.  #401Daria on September 23, 2011 at 7:40 pm

    Ginger Sky – thanks! sometimes here i experiment with speaking out my judgements and noticing them

    i feel excited to have Rori’s work which goes for me right under that to noticing my feelings

    feels more feminine and healing to me than even working with the judgements



  402.  #402Daria on September 23, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    wow here’s the thought that takes me !!!

    “If you contrive appreciation because you think you “should” — even though you are feeling unappreciative — it does no good for either one of you. Your appreciation will be more sincere and authentic if you do it for selfish reasons: because YOU feel better when you are appreciative than when you focus on what you don’t appreciate. Let appreciation’s positive effects on your child be a fringe benefit — the icing on the cake.”

    oh oh oh

    appreciate cuz *I* feel better when I’m appreciative, not for the benefit on HER

    yeah!! yeah yeah yeah!!

    oh mami, i appreciate your love and attention, and … i feel uncomfortable saying this… it feels icky hearing that in that tone… i feel scared and startled and like all the energy and joy is draining out of me”



  403.  #403LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    My mom was evil to me for 31 years. After I said that FM to her, she instantly turned into MARY f’n POPPINS!!! and she is still Mary Poppins til this day 10 years later!!!! The most loving, caring, soft, kind understanding, open mom that I had been praying so hard for 31 years! I had cried an ocean over her, I had thrown the biggest tirades of anger over her, I had obsessed over her….So many people can’t believe how’s she’s turned into this lovable patient women for an unbearing cranky mean beep-beep.

    This is THE revelation of the DECADE for me!!!!

    Rori, where are you so I can hug you and kiss you?



  404.  #404LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:47 pm

    Aurora Girl! I caught your sparkle and here it is!



  405.  #405Esteemed on September 23, 2011 at 7:50 pm

    I feel out of the loop. But I just finished my third successful week at my new job. Happy friday everyone! I love you!



  406.  #406GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:51 pm

    Daria and Lili41 Omg, you guys are so fantastic… I am drinking this up, lol… gotta go sleep but will read all this tomorrow or in the next 2 days… Lili41 that is so good, yes, I noticed some of that too in your message to your Mom… big revelation!

    Daria, your doing that on these threads has helped me **so** much. One reason I wanted to start making contact with you, bc I carry your honesty & processing along with me on *many* days, and I learn and change from it, for the best. I don’t mean for that to be any kind of weight on you, I am just blessed by your honest processing and where you stand on the I statements etc.

    Like a friend of mine once told me, “I have benefitted so much from just being around the way you are in the world.” **Deep thanks***



  407.  #407LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:52 pm

    Daria, you are so deep…something I have wanted to be but never knew how. I am learning a great deal from you.



  408.  #408GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:54 pm

    #403 Lili 41 You and I appear to have walked *very* similar paths… and my Mom walked the same journey with her Mom, but with not as good results (as my grandma was not all together in her right mind etc).

    I’m out! This is all SO rich and freeing… making me more whole… thanks ladies, and goodnight all. XOX!



  409.  #409LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    Happy Friday Esteemed! Congrats on the new job!

    How does it feel?



  410.  #410GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 7:55 pm

    #405 Esteemed Congratulations… a successful job is a real treasure, that’s great!



  411.  #411GingerSky on September 23, 2011 at 8:01 pm

    I am celebraating with you Lili41 and bc I understand this process… you described so well… wow… just wanted to say that. Big wow and clarity…!!! So incredible, and so lasting now that you’ve seen it?!



  412.  #412Daria on September 23, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    oh thanks Lili! – i feel uncomfortable receiving that (shrug?? i soemtimes feel uncomfortable receiving some compliments… babysteps)

    the thought that takes me stuff was a quote. btw. it was not from me. it was from teh site i linked before

    i am still deep though

    i love me



  413.  #413LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 8:06 pm

    Don’t know where or how to start cd’ing? Start practicing with your mom! (re 391+400) lol…and your co-workers! (re 360) lol…IT WORKS!!!!



  414.  #414LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 8:09 pm

    412:

    Daria, you have to be deep to bring those quotes.
    Take it and hug it and soak it in SIREN! Cause it’s all YOU and you love YOU.



  415.  #415Daria on September 23, 2011 at 8:10 pm

    wow thank you GingerSky

    i am feeling like deep and i am feeling like i contribute in the world by being me

    that feels peaceful

    goodnite Goddesses

    * * * * *

    ** * **
    (..) * * **

    *** *** **** *



  416.  #416LILI 41 on September 23, 2011 at 8:13 pm

    goog night Daria!!!



  417.  #417alias girl on September 23, 2011 at 8:35 pm

    thank you lili41, t-girl and aurora girl (formerly patricia). i feel appreciative of your comments. i feel seen and acknowledged.

    i just dont know what to make of my relationship with the humans of this world. mostly what i feel is amusement (like watching the facscinating behavior of animals), disconnection, pity and boredom.

    many people bore me. many situations bore me.

    i want to feel engaged and having fun all the time. so if i am not i want to change whatever i can to make things that way.

    this blog has become just a place for me to express. i read whatever catches my eye. respond if i feel inspired. i appreciate it most as an outlet when i feel confused.

    but

    i dont feel im on the edge of anything like i used to

    i like being on the edge of expanding for myself

    and here i feel

    well i scroll through a lot because it feels like a lot of blah blah blah and people aren’t actively practicing the tools often.

    and well it’s like i toook four years of high school and then trying to go back and fit back in high school.

    but i haven’t found my new thing yet. i have intellectually mastered rori and abraham. (CLAP CLAP CLAP alias girl youuuuuuu rock!)

    and now what?

    I just want connection and fun and extravagance. and sex. a little spice of a lil drama and dressing up and expansion of self and good feelings.

    sometimes i have something so connected to me and i share it here and its like why did i even bother.

    i dont need different reactions from people. i’m just saying how i feel.

    and i dont know how to make this work better. it is what it is. i’ve come at it from many different angles and it’s similar. i dont feel connected to the women on this blog. i dont. i feel appreciative. in rare moments i feel connected in interactions. but for the most part, not really.

    i dont feel connected to people. even after sharing this, my honest truth, i probably wont feel connected. i will just feel free.

    i dont know how to feel connected when what i feel mostly is bored. its like how are you going to feel connected to something you are bored by?

    same with dates.

    although i had an ok convo with a cd today and i felt a tiny bit of connection.

    i dont know what it is.

    maybe it is the human condition and everybody else just accepts it?

    i think thats partly true.

    who cares.

    i dont care. i suddenly feel bored with this. lol.



  418.  #418Starla on September 23, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    Oh God,
    I am so overwhelmed I think I might have a panic attack. Maybe I just want to lay down and cry.

    CD1 wrote me a letter about his past 12 years (since we last saw each other and dated in high school) and it’s just crazy intense romantic craziness with every woman in his life. He’s been off that craziness for a year and a half, and honestly a few months ago I was going through some wicked craziness with my ex, but I feel terrified.

    I need to process.

    I told him a little bit about my ex last night and we were talking about how much we like each other and I feel like there is much more to know about him, and he said he knows he holds back and would write me a letter describing his last 12 years since I last saw him. I encouraged this, but I feel freaked out reading about his supremely unhealthy effed up relationships.

    And I feel uncomfortable thinking about all of mine!!!!!!!!!!!! Mine were so bad! So bad!!!!! And I think that’s what’s really making me upset. Is mine were just as bad, maybe worse, but I have yet to tell him about even a glimpse of it. I figured none of that matters anyway. And I am thinking of all that pain, and how much of it *i* created, and how i could easily slip into all that again. Just a few months ago i was getting out of the car screaming and crying everywhere my ex tried to take me. I’d get out and walk off. I’d tell him he was awful. I would cry for hours and hours contemplating suicide, and begging him to love me.

    What is going to stop me and CD1 from doing all this unhealthy stuff with each other? After dating him for two aand a half months, I had actually pegged him for the healthiest adult dating relationship I ever had. It has set new standards for me.

    And now it turns out he’s been just as effed up as, if not more than, I have.

    I feel like the room is spinning



  419.  #419Starla on September 23, 2011 at 9:05 pm

    Oh God,
    I am so overwhelmed I think I might have a panic att*ck. Maybe I just want to lay down and cry.

    CD1 wrote me a letter about his past 12 years (since we last saw each other and dated in high school) and it’s just crazy intense romantic craziness with every woman in his life. He’s been off that craziness for a year and a half, and honestly a few months ago I was going through some wicked craziness with my ex, but I feel terrified.

    I need to process.

    I told him a little bit about my ex last night and we were talking about how much we like each other and I feel like there is much more to know about him, and he said he knows he holds back and would write me a letter describing his last 12 years since I last saw him. I encouraged this, but I feel freaked out reading about his supremely unhealthy effed up relationships.

    And I feel uncomfortable thinking about all of mine!!!!!!!!!!!! Mine were so bad! So bad!!!!! And I think being reminded of that is what’s really making me upset. Is mine were just as bad, maybe worse, but I have yet to tell him about even a glimpse of it. I figured none of that matters anyway. And I am thinking of all that pain, and how much of it *i* created, and how i could easily slip into all that again. Just a few months ago i was getting out of the car screaming and crying everywhere my ex tried to take me. I’d get out and walk off. I’d tell him he was awful. I would cry for hours and hours contemplating su*cide, and begging him to love me. And my first serious relationship was like that, but 10x more intensely awful. The one in between was pretty dang awful too.

    What is going to stop me and CD1 from doing all this unhealthy stuff with each other? After dating him for two and a half months, I had actually pegged him for the healthiest adult dating relationship I ever had. It has set new standards for me and I’ll never go out more than a few times with a guy who doesn’t make me feel at least that good, in terms of feeling healthy and safe.

    And now it turns out he’s been just as effed up as, if not more than, I have. Am I safe here? Are we safe with each other? Is he safe around me??

    I feel like the room is spinning



  420.  #420Starla on September 23, 2011 at 9:07 pm

    sorry for the double post, i went into moderation so i went back and starred the naughty words, and edited some of what i said as i read it.



  421.  #421Starla on September 23, 2011 at 9:25 pm

    I would need to see at least 6 months more of consistent healthy behavior to not feel like i’m ignoring red flags here.

    and you know what? I think any man should want to see at least that much out of me. Because I am a giant red flag if you look at my past, until a couple months ago, on paper.



  422.  #422Starla on September 23, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    How can this be?
    How can we be having such a healthy, wonderful, fantastic time together, when all we’ve ever done with our lives is jump into awful relationships and stay there? Like 10/10 awful bad relationships of insanity.

    When will we self destruct?

    Am I going to be responsible for tending to his baggage? Is that why he’s telling me this? Because he wants me to save him?

    Does he even have baggage?

    he ended the letter by saying that he takes a different approach to relationships now, and he doesn’t just get with every girl that shows an interest in him (these women need Rori!). He says he has standards and has broken dating relationships off with a few girls over the last year and a half, because they weren’t the right girl for him.

    Then he said that he needed to tell me that while he wasn’t 100% sure yet that I am the girl for him, he said he’s crossed the 90% line (i’m paraphrasing).

    I believe him because I let him do all the pursuing.

    ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    i am going to eat some dairy free coconut milk ice cream (gave up weed, cigarettes, and booze)

    he even told me about his last girlfriend getting an abortion!

    He told me everything!!! everything!!!

    What if I told him everything?? About the abuse, the violence, the suicide attempts, the sexual assault, the abuse i grew up with, the men I fooled around with just to have a warm place to sleep at night when I was homeless, everything? What if I told him? I imagine he would have felt the same way I do…freaked out and wondering how someone so lovely and healthy to be around could have such insanity in her past that was mostly her own doing.

    I”m going to puke again



  423.  #423Starla on September 23, 2011 at 9:38 pm

    I am going to be here processing this for probably quite a while. Sorry everyone:(



  424.  #424la chiquita bonita on September 23, 2011 at 10:03 pm

    Starla, do you feel angry? what does it feel like to feel angry?



  425.  #425Starla on September 23, 2011 at 10:11 pm

    YES I FEEL HELLA ANGRY

    hehe

    it feels like apathy right now though. apathy for other parts of my life. apathy for the shower. apathy for my plan to get up early to watch the sunrise tomorrow. apathy for everything except for what this letter is ultimately going to mean for me.



  426.  #426la chiquita bonita on September 23, 2011 at 10:12 pm

    i just watched commitment blueprint chpt 1 and 2 so far. I feel hungry, I feel a little tingly in my chest and throat, I feel a little nervous, I feel relaxed, I feel alone, I feel frustrated, I feel annoyed, I feel angry looking at that stupid gift on my desk. I feel strange



  427.  #427Starla on September 23, 2011 at 10:55 pm

    The letter also included some positive things (though the point of the letter was to tell me that he’s followed a sucky path for 10 years and finally is getting his stuff together), one of which was mention of a comedy video he made, which I googled, and I am laughing sooooo hard watching it…it is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a very long time.

    I feel good laughing. Though I am going to wake up my neighbors with my sincere cackling. ohhhh maan.



  428.  #428alias girl on September 23, 2011 at 11:35 pm

    i went rollerblading and i met a cuban guy, not really my type but i gave him my number. he was on his way to a party. and he almost didnt ask for my number. he was like “well i don;t know how i’ll see you again. ”

    i shrugged my shoulders and said, ” i dont know”

    he asked if i would take his number. i said i didnt have my phone on me. finally he asked to get mine. and then he called me twice before i even got home. lol.

    and then i was skating my way back home and i met a HHG! 🙂 and he was on his way to work but was stopping in the drug store and asked if i wanted something. i told him if they had coconut water, yes. otherwise nothing.

    and then he came out with nothing for me or him. he said they didnt have any lets go to 7/11. i said, “what about for you? they didnt have anything for you?”

    he said if no for you then no for me. aw.

    and so then we walked (i skated) to 7/11 and then i felt bad and i said “i feel bad. the coconut juice is expensive.” he said, “oh. come on just get it. how often does this happen. just get it.”

    and then on the way back it was downhill (literally sloped land not metaphorically) and so he walked backwards and i skated in front of him with my hands on his shoulders.

    and then we drank our drinks and he got my number. and then he went to work.

    and THEN on the way back a little further down i ran into the cuban guy agaiN!!!!! i mean literally steps away from when i was just with HHG but he hadn’t seen that because he was coming down the steps of a parking lot. (but maybe he did see us on the corner when they had pulled in ??)

    i dont know but i feel super goddessey.

    and i had fun.



  429.  #429alias girl on September 23, 2011 at 11:38 pm

    haha i think this went into moderation for the word Dr*g8sto)re. lol. so if you get it in stereo…sorry

    i went rollerblading and i met a cuban guy, not really my type but i gave him my number. he was on his way to a party. and he almost didnt ask for my number. he was like “well i don;t know how i’ll see you again. ”

    i shrugged my shoulders and said, ” i dont know”

    he asked if i would take his number. i said i didnt have my phone on me. finally he asked to get mine. and then he called me twice before i even got home. lol.

    and then i was skating my way back home and i met a HHG! 🙂 and he was on his way to work but was stopping in the dr**g store and asked if i wanted something. i told him if they had coconut water, yes. otherwise nothing.

    and then he came out with nothing for me or him. he said they didnt have any lets go to 7/11. i said, “what about for you? they didnt have anything for you?”

    he said if no for you then no for me. aw.

    and so then we walked (i skated) to 7/11 and then i felt bad and i said “i feel bad. the coconut juice is expensive.” he said, “oh. come on just get it. how often does this happen. just get it.”

    and then on the way back it was downhill (literally sloped land not metaphorically) and so he walked backwards and i skated in front of him with my hands on his shoulders.

    and then we drank our drinks and he got my number. and then he went to work.

    and THEN on the way back a little further down i ran into the cuban guy agaiN!!!!! i mean literally steps away from when i was just with HHG but he hadn’t seen that because he was coming down the steps of a parking lot. (but maybe he did see us on the corner when they had pulled in ??)

    i dont know but i feel super goddessey.

    and i had fun.



  430.  #430alias girl on September 23, 2011 at 11:40 pm

    now i see why guys dont wanna settle down.



  431.  #431Starla on September 24, 2011 at 12:02 am

    i feel so pissed and upset!

    I am studying for the most important exam of my life and I was so overwhelmed by it I was in tears with him on the phone yesterday.

    Then I have to read 6 and 1/2 f*cking pages of his tales of emotional unhealthiness with OTHER WOMEN

    and now it’s all i can think about and i have better f*cking things to worry about like STUDYING FOR THE MOST IMPORTANT EXAM OF MY LIFE.

    Not these other women and what his experiences with them mean for us.

    I want to back off forever.

    I don’t care if it’s already been two months and this stuff had to come out eventually

    I don’t care if I encouraged him when he asked how I felt about him writing me a letter to detail the last 12 years of his life, since I kept saying I felt hazy on him and the details of his life.

    HE ENDED THE LETTER BY SAYING HE IS FALLING FOR ME.

    THANK YOU FOR POLLUTING MY ABILITY TO FOCUS WITH YOUR HORROR TALES OF OTHER WOMEN AND THEN TELLING ME I’M DIFFERENT. RAHHH SARCASM YES I AM BEING SARCASTIC

    I feel unimportant. I want to make him so wrong here.

    I don’t feel very safe any more.

    And I feel pissed! Cuz i cant’ focus on my studying now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    so now i’m gonna cry myself to sleep like a stupid b*tch

    wow anger



  432.  #432alias girl on September 24, 2011 at 12:03 am

    i think i’ve finally learned how to do my eyeliner to a way i like it. its nothing fancy or difficult but it makes my eyes look a little cuter. it’s just a matter of finding how it looked good on my eyes.



  433.  #433Starla on September 24, 2011 at 12:04 am

    Then he tells me in a f8cking LETTER that he is falling for me.

    um, use your big boy man voice????

    i feel so mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    this feels like a repeat of several previous experiences in my life.



  434.  #434Starla on September 24, 2011 at 12:05 am

    I want to lecture him andd tell him he should really tell me such big deal things in person.

    he reminds me of this dude i dated now, and i hate that guy!!!

    i need help:(



  435.  #435Starla on September 24, 2011 at 12:11 am

    he’s basically instilled all this insecurity in me about his relations with women before fully instilling anything positive on a serious level.

    i was feeling SO good about this guy. now i want to just run away. wtf.

    he is supposed to come at 9 am tomorrow (he’s driving an hour both ways to do this, cuz he’s gone out of town for the weekend to work) to bring me my favorite tv show on his external hard drive so i can relax tomorrow night after i’m done studying.

    it’s the first real ‘go way way out of his way to step up’ thing he’s offered that i’ve taken him up on. and then i get this VOMIT of a letter. SEVEN FREAKIN PAGES total. i don’t want the movies. i want to be left alone so i don’t have to pretend like i’m okay, or ruin his weekend or sense of safety with me because i feel triggered as hell.



  436.  #436English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 12:15 am

    OK Sirens

    Need help with a CD, we had been IM’ing on POF about soul music and radio stations for a few days, then last night I have a feeling he was drinking lol he wrote this:

    “Andy Peebles is me mate from the BBC he used to sit in my office. He is on now i think don’t know i am in a cafe’ bar textin you,,,, ask for a request text him ask for Sam Dees his fav artist i know that i dare you,,, say Andy i know your friend TH (him) is he sane cos he wants to date me but is it true he has land on the isle of manand loves a women in office froks… or summat like that he will
    laugh so ask for a motown tune i will try in ten mins to
    bring up smooth on my laptop tx”

    But I didn’t see this message last night only read
    it this morning followed by another:

    “I was joking about the dating you too tough for me haha but he will play a tune for you tx”

    Mmmm what’s a FM reply to this??

    I feel aawwww he is scared of my Siren-ness lol! 🙂



  437.  #437English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 12:19 am

    p.s. Andy Peebles is a radio DJ here.



  438.  #438English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 12:35 am

    #229 FW

    You mean use FM’s on him? As in I feel bad when ??? but not using the “you” word?

    Interestingly enough he was OK yesterday and not being such a smart a$$e I think the manager has said something to him because they were talking when I walked into the office and clammed up as I got to my desk. The manager had overheard a “heated exchange” between us the day before…..mmmmmm….and of course being a smart a$$e is part of my personality too, probably why the clash between us, but he is only young and has never supervised anybody before and I think it’s gone to his head. 🙂

    Any suggestions FW? You seem to be very good with FM’s………….



  439.  #439English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 12:42 am

    #233 FW

    If he comes back I would focus on telling him my dreams and visions of a great relationship and what I want to create in my life. Being with someone who sometimes want to throw caution to the wind and just revel in the bliss of our relationship.
    Someone who sometimes will choose not to care about anything else just to be with me.

    FW LOVE IT!! 😀



  440.  #440English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 1:15 am

    #306 Emoticon

    LOVE IT!! I have a couple of nasty tenants too, maybe they should all go and live in the same street, out of our heads. ::-D



  441.  #441English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 1:51 am

    #427 Alias Girl

    I read your previous post about being bored and this happens to me A LOT………I too come on here sometimes or other blogs and just read blah blah blah and the same with the dating sites…..meh lol!!

    Then I read your post about drinking coconut water with HHG and it felt soooo sparky and vital and alive because I could feel you feeling it and this is what is missing from my life, SPARKS, VITALITY, EXCITEMENT, ALIVENESS………..(and sex too LOL!!!)



  442.  #442English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 1:57 am

    YES YES YES I want some of that sparkly magic fairy dust thrown my way, Sirens in love help me please. 🙂



  443.  #443English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 2:36 am

    #433 Starla

    Why do you have to pretend to feel OK when you don’t? Why are you concerned about ruining his weekend or his sense of safety with you?

    Isn’t this supposed to be all about YOU and how YOU feel? No stuffing down the bad feelings or worrying about him, just about telling him how you feel as scary as that is……….this might be the perfect opportunity for a full on Rori Raye FM conversation……..x



  444.  #444English Woman on September 24, 2011 at 2:51 am

    Can you IMAGINE what it would be like to have a life
    partner that you don’t truly love?

    Someone that annoys you, is always letting you down and screwing things up. Someone who turns relationships into disasters and drives away all your friends. They are always berating you and belittling you, nagging you and it just goes on and on….

    How happy would you be spending your life with someone like that?

    How could you ever explore your true potential in that kind of situation?

    Do you think it could be possible to attract real happiness and love into your life whilst living in this relationship?

    ————————————-
    STAY WITH ME HERE ….
    ————————————-

    Okay then, let’s picture the “OPPOSITE”…

    Your “perfect” partner.

    They might have the qualities like:

    Patience, tolerance, supportive, encouraging, forgiving …fun and exciting, loving, understanding of your needs…stands up for you, and respects you.

    With this kind of person by your side – you would be free to achieve ANYTHING you set your mind to!

    Right? Well…

    ————————————-
    HERE’S THE REAL KICKER ….
    ————————————-

    That first relationship I described is the kind of relationship
    *most* of us have with OURSELVES!

    Yes, that’s right.

    We are our own worst saboteurs and critics.

    AND….

    If this “ugly” relationship is the kind of relationship you’re having with yourself… then there is NO chance you will ever achieve your full and complete potential in life…

    Let alone find real Love and Happiness – outside yourself.

    You need to develop that “second” awesome relationship with yourself! And you need to do it Right Now so that you can be happy in your ‘other’ relationships…

    I’ve made a short video for you to have a look at.

    Here it is. No charge 🙂

    It’s really easy – you just use that special link and the video will start playing right on your computer.

    While you watch, keep these two things in mind:

    * If you disrespect yourself, then you WILL attract disrespect into your life, and

    * If you can be patient, tolerant and encouraging with yourself, then it’s going to make achieving your goals a lot EASIER (and much more enjoyable!)

    Richard A. Luck



  445.  #445Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 24, 2011 at 3:35 am

    ALias Girl
    I was glad when I read your first post and then the others that followed. I like reading about when you are just you and when you share what you experienced with your cds and also just what happens…….

    I can relate to the feeling bored or alienated sometimes…….I find when I’m doing that I’m in my head trying to analyze things……why I do that I don’t know…….but when I get back into my body and I just focus on being and in the moment it’s like it all shifts and I’m engaged again with what’s in front of me……like the “mindfulness” that’s often talked about these days…….

    I’m glad you’re back!
    Hey we have the same short form (AG)…..I like that too!!

    xo



  446.  #446Aurora Girl (formerly Patricia) on September 24, 2011 at 3:47 am

    434 EW
    hmmm I read your post and the note from your cd that you thought might be tipsy at the cafe bar…..I felt sad because it reminded me of a cd I had last year…..he would text me from his hockey tournaments (drinking party after) or when he was away at work (and the crew went to bars on Saturday night) and also added a twisted humour to his texts or emails……I often felt confused…and sad when I’d read them. Then I got a similar “you’re too tough for me” line…..it was more his judgement and his lack of self confidence that added to that….at first I felt sorry and that I had done something wrong….and tried to be “less than ” who I am …..ie laughing a jokes of his that weren’t funny or were derogatory….then I realized I had to be myself or this would be a disaster…….he has poofed….which is ok…..my LD now is nothing like that…..how refreshing….

    A FM? in response? How did you feel? confused? sad? surprised? when he sent the message?

    xo



  447.  #447Femininewoman on September 24, 2011 at 4:27 am

    RE 442 Thanks for sharing that EW



  448.  #448Femininewoman on September 24, 2011 at 4:38 am

    EW I would tell him exactly how I feel in the moment. I have told a supervisor I don’t want to be talked to like that, I don’t like the tone of this conversation and I feel like child being scolded and I feel tired of arguing or debating, I feel I can’t do anything right becacuse of the constant criticism. I don’t like to be spoken to that way and will speak when you are open to discussion in a more rational manner, and I get up on walk out the door. I have done this more than once before RRaye days. Just choose a feeling message in the moment, maybe one so that he doesn’t feel flooded and let him know you are leaving the room. My supervisor was shocked. He has since left the position and I am still there.



  449.  #449Femininewoman on September 24, 2011 at 4:40 am

    RE 434 EW I would just say aaaaaaawww



  450.  #450Femininewoman on September 24, 2011 at 4:45 am

    RE 418 Alias Girl that post reminds me of something I heard from CCarter. In the presence of love all your stuff comes up. It’s as if your unconscious recognizes that it is now safe to heal so all that stuff from the past comes bubbling up. I am not sure I would respond to him. I would just let it be maybe time for Listening at Level 2 (in writing). Sharing your past before he asks might even come across as competing. It might also be okay to tell him that you appreciate that he trusts you enough to share his troubles with you but you feel overwhelmed by it.



  451.  #451Ella on September 24, 2011 at 4:50 am

    Sirens I am feeling bad.

    I broke my own boundary.

    I feel confused about my behaviour.

    So yesterday I was exploring the boundary of not having guys back to my house for casual hang out after social nights out…

    And then last night I did exactly that with one of my CDs.

    I feel guilty, angry and stupid.

    So this is CD who I have been on 1 date with. And then he went on holiday, but hasn’t asked me on a second date since…

    And then last night he text me to ask if I was coming to the pub. I was already on my way there with my friend.

    When I arrived he alked to me loads and bought me some drinks.

    I leant back, he leant forward… all good so far.

    After a while he asked what I was doing after, I said I didn’t know.

    Here’s where it went a bit pear shaped…

    Suddenly he had disa