Create Love And Relationship Magic – Free Teleclass With Dominique!

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dominique

From Rori: Dominique is the brilliant coach who was my first Master Coach Teacher, and the first coach I always refer to for everything love and relationship, romance and sex….any challenge you have…

I love Dominique as a person as well as respect her as a coach and expert (she’s so gentle, kind, intuitive and brilliant, all at the same time), and if you hang out in this blog community, you already know how awesome she is. Take advantage of her in this amazing free experience – I’ll be there!

A Special Message From Dominique…

Creating MAGIC in Online Dating and Relationship ~ A FREE Teleclass Series!

Something I rarely do is coming to you ~ 

REGISTER HERE To Create Magic In This Free Teleclass–>>

~ Have you been dating, and feel stuck, unable to attract or find good men or at least one with whom you can see creating something good feeling?

~ Have you been trying to keep yourself open to possibility, broadening your ideas of the perfect for you man…and still nothing to show for it?

~ Or maybe you’re in a relationship, yet it leaves you feeling blah, irritated, or troubled.

~ Maybe you despair that your relationship could ever BE and FEEL as you’ve been dreaming of.

~ You fill your life up as best as you can with activities and people who make you smile. YET – does this void sometimes overwhelm you, leaving you feeling so lonely.

~ Or you put your focus on you as much as you can, try not to over function, yet your man doesn’t seem to respond as you wish he would.

~ And does this have you feeling down, down on yourself, less than, sometimes wondering if it’s you, that something must be wrong with you?

What if your forever man, your very own, special “the one” is out there looking FOR YOU right now?

What if he’s just within reach?

Can you imagine this?

Can you see him? Can you touch him? Can you hear him? Can you smell him? Can you taste him? Can you FEEL him?

How would it FEEL to meet someone who makes your heart beat faster every time you think of him, who makes you melt into a puddle of desire when he touches you?

How would it FEEL to have a man in your life who matches your intelligence, makes you laugh?

How would it feel to come home to your very own forever man who looks out for you, takes care of you and your heart, loves you, cherishes you, makes you feel like the princess goddess you are?

Can you FEEL this?

What if you need only open yourself that little bit more – to YOURSELF – to life – to LOVE – to the AMAZING multitude of men who cross your path each and every day?

Please join me for this EXCLUSIVE TWO PART SERIES where the MAGIC will be recaptured FOR YOU!!!

Part 1 – Creating MAGIC in Online Dating –

Tuesday September 8, 2015 

Part 2 – Creating MAGIC in Relationship

Tuesday September 15, 2015

12 PM Pacific Time
1PM Mountain
2PM Central
3 PM Eastern
8 PM Greenwich Meantime
9 PM European Time

REGISTER HERE – We’ll Create magic Together In This Fre Teleclass–>>

 I SO look forward to having you on the calls with me.

Much love,
Dominique

xxoo Dominique
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89 Comments

  1.  #1Femininewoman on September 4, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    I love Dominique



  2.  #2Valarie O'Ryan on September 4, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    Ooh, this WILL be magic – can’t wait!!



  3.  #3Helena Hart on September 4, 2015 at 4:01 pm

    Awesome!!! Yay Dominique!!



  4.  #4Dominique on September 4, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    Awww, thank you. I feel emotional. 🙂

    xxoo



  5.  #5Mandy on September 4, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    Oh, gosh!!!! This is good!



  6.  #6Millie on September 4, 2015 at 11:02 pm

    Wish I could participate but I’ll be at work…

    Well just got home from meeting my guy from 10 years ago. It was really fun and flowed well, but he “had to get up early” and then didn’t walk me to my car or ask to see me again so I felt really rejected. That made me act cold and short which I notice is a pattern for me. My good bye was a hug, thank you, and keep walking. Of course the negative voices flooded me as I drove home. So, I don’t know. Keep on going.



  7.  #7Indigo on September 5, 2015 at 1:01 am

    Dominique,

    I’m really happy because this teleclass will be in the evening over in my time! Usually I can’t participate because of the time difference, so yay!

    xxx



  8.  #8Waterfall on September 5, 2015 at 2:58 am

    Millie,

    How are you? Sorry to chime in here but I just wanted to say I really know what you mean about your reactions being cold when you feel the man is stepping up in the way you expect and want.

    Sorry if this is out of place, but it really hits the nail on the head regarding everything about my relationship with D. And I am left feeling so bereft and bewildered… I do feel frozen and I don’t know how to respond.

    I told D that I did not want to see him anymore and I cited the reason as the fact that he wasn’t “romantic” and that I wanted a romantic relationship and not a “practical” one. I have friends for that!!

    He then sent me many emails informing me that he was romantic as he cooks me dinner, gives me massages, etc, etc…

    But like you I feel cold after his little offerings as often he’ll make a curt remark for example he’ll tell me that I am really lucky to have such a wonderful boyfriend who cooks for me etc… Bletch!!! This kinda ruins the whole experience for me and I feel cold inside and unable to give. I often feel numb and frozen to the spot…

    Anyways, I’ve told him I don’t want to see him anymore. Now he is calling me saying it’s okay he will be a gentleman and accept that we are just friends but that he wants to carry on meeting up with me. I am like, no!!! I keep feeling like I have to explain everything to him over and over and he doesn’t get it…

    I told him that I can’t stay friends with him because I wanted more but he can’t provide it. He then starts telling me that I need to compromise and that we are so good together and that I have loads of faults but he still loves me and wants to stay with me.

    I tell him that I feel that its an unhealthy relationship and that I don’t feel heard and respected. He then proceeds to tell me everything he has ever done for me and how he is always the “carer” in the relationship.

    I don’t get a word in edgeways. He could talk for England. He then still proceeds to tell me he has got tickets for me to some music event and I just feel really riled that he isn’t taking no for an answer. I just try and keep my cool but it is hard.

    He keeps emailing me and telling me and telling me what a fantastic boyfriend he is and tryng to make me out to be a b.i.t.c.h. I literally can’t take it anymore, I feel so ground down…

    One of the main reasons I ended it with him is because he kept telling me he is a loner and isn’t normal and has never thought about getting married. Also he keeps contradicting himself and saying he is changing and now he wants to settle down, but I don’t think he really knows what he wants.

    He then tells me how good we are together that he wants to buy a house for us both and have a baby etc. But yet there is an edge to all of this stuff that leaves me cold.

    He tells me he will “work” at being more romantic. I don’t want someone working at being more romantic with me!!! You either are or you’re not…

    Plus I keep telling him over and over that I have heard it all from him before and nothing changes. He then proceeds to tell me what a wonderful boyfriend he is and lists all if the things he has done for me. It is painful and I feel so stressed by it all…

    He reminds me of a man who just wants a girlfriend and somehow he has picked me. It is unrelenting….

    Then if he blows cold on me he tells me that we need to “have zero contact” and he will move away for good. That feels like emotional blackmail…

    He does this if I don’t respond to him the way he wants. He threatens to never see me again. It sort of comes out of nowhere…

    He emailed me yesterday to tell me he had a job offer outside of London. It was a bit like if you don’t want me then I am moving away… He is so over dramatic…

    He also told me that he felt that I had given up on him a long time ago. I can’t stand this as it is not the case or I never would have let him back into my life time and time again.

    I still weirdly have massive feelings for him, yet can see whatever I do or say gets me no-where. Again, I just end up feeling cold and bleh about the whole thing…



  9.  #9Indigo on September 5, 2015 at 2:58 am

    Millie,

    I’m hoping this will encourage you:

    First of all, Dominique suggested that I just focus on dating the world and myself for now, and like so much of her advice, this got me into a good head space. For me, it just kind of took the pressure off. So I went out with a guy on Thursday night and I’d told him we could just go out as friends. And I notice how good this felt to me. We talked for 3 hours, he paid and we didn’t at all hurry to cut the date short. Yet, the date felt somewhat flat and “thinky” and didn’t flow easily. He didn’t message me afterwards or ask to see me again. But you know what? I felt totally fine. I had completely freed myself from any expectations – this was a man I was seriously romantically interested in, and I went into it only with the purpose to learn more about him, to be curious and to see if I could completely be myself. It felt so light and great to approach it this way.

    Millie – free yourself from the burden of needing every date/relationship/man to turn into a great, passionate, long lasting romance. Instead, just get curious about the world, about the man in front of you, about everything around you… Just enjoy it all for whatever it is, without making it mean something about your desirability.



  10.  #10Waterfall on September 5, 2015 at 2:59 am

    Sorry! Meant to say isn’t stepping up!!



  11.  #11Indigo on September 5, 2015 at 3:00 am

    * this was a man I was NOT seriously romantically interested in



  12.  #12Millie on September 5, 2015 at 11:54 am

    Indigo–

    Yes I agree an area I could work on is enjoying things for what they are. However I do think I went into the evening with no expectations. It it just a trigger and feels jarring to me when everything seemed to flow well and then the man makes a sharp left. It’s a trigger for me to close up, to be aloof, and cold… Maybe it’s my way of punishing them. It’s not that I feel my worth is attached to how the evening turns out, I’m not sure what it is exactly other than knowing I felt bad, rejected, that tightness in my chest.



  13.  #13Millie on September 5, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Waterfall— I’m not sure if I misread your post, but it sounds like you feel cold when he steps up…whereas I feel cold when a man steps back. Is that what you meant to say? I’m sorry you are having such a difficult time sorting things out with D, but from what I’m hearing it sounds like you know in your heart that he is not capable of giving you the relarionship you want. As much as he thinks he “steps up” , it’s not enough for you or not in the way you’d like. I would suggest opening youself up to what he IS giving or choose that he will not be in your life anymore. What do you think?



  14.  #14Millie on September 5, 2015 at 3:20 pm

    Oh waterfall just saw your comment #10!!! Makes sense now!



  15.  #15HeartBeat on September 5, 2015 at 10:10 pm

    You’re doing a teleclass!!!! Oh man I feel SO EXCITED! 😀
    You go woman!!



  16.  #16Indigo on September 6, 2015 at 12:17 am

    You know, I think my respect for Evan Marc Katz just went up with the recent post he did about Tinder. It explained so many of the problems I’ve been having with men the last few years, and points out so many myths of the low effort/hook up culture.



  17.  #17T-Girl on September 6, 2015 at 8:02 am

    Yay Dominique! Will the class be recorded to listen to later?



  18.  #18Starla on September 6, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    Waterfall, when I was reading about your guy you recently broke it off with, I just felt so happy for you. I have been with a guy who makes a big deal out of the nice things he does for me, and throws them in my face to suggest i am ungrateful if i have anything to say about how i would like to feel with a man. For some women, they might be able to tolerate this as a quirk or joking behavior, but for others like me, NO. Eff that. The only message my personality type gets from that kind of behavior is that he does nice things just to get the credit, not for the sake of doing something nice. It feels like a big burden of obligation that it puts me under. It feels like I’m an object. It feels like the relationship is ultimately a scorekeeping endeavor. It feels controlling. It feels inauthentic. It feels like I am not seen or heard. And when they suggest that they are so good and I am so flawed so I should accept their flaws, I see an insecure man who is too prideful to let me feel anything that might threaten to make him feel that insecurity inside himself, so he aims for balance by cutting me down. It IS unhealthy, even if objectively it seems like a perfectly functional partnership. But I want more than perfectly functional pairing…. I don’t want to be the warm body who is good enough to fill a role. I want to be Starla. I want to be with someone who wants not just a girlfriend, but a Starla.

    I am fortunate to have a boyfriend who is really into the unique combination of traits that make me who I am. Sometimes he fills in the holes of his knowledge of me with his own assumptions of how I will react or feel, but once he sees it’s not what he thought, he doesn’t go on believing he knows me better than myself. I hate when men think they know me better than i know me, especially in that way where they think they see the flaws I am blind to. I had one guy say “I think you should know you are too (insult personality flaw here) and I just wanted to tell you because even though you are dumping me, I want to do you this favor of saying you better change if you don’t want to die alone.”

    Writing this has really got me reflecting on what it is I want to feel in a relationship and how I didn’t have it before my current guy but couldn’t put my finger on what was off. I just felt like something was off, and spent a lot of time trying to convince myself nothing was off or that I just didn’t have a mature handle on relationships.

    I suppose I could have made fine, functioning partnerships with at least a few of the men of my past, but I just never wanted that as my end-game. For my love relationship, I want it to be a space where I am fully myself. Where I feel huge in my skin and expansive in my daily experience of life. Where I feel supported and encouraged to do more and be more of myself.



  19.  #19Linda on September 6, 2015 at 3:32 pm

    I too have experienced some of the exact same things and feelings that Millie and Starla have shared. P was always doing and saying stuff like this. Pointing out that he was a great guy and a what he did was because he cared so much. He expected certain responses and that it would create what he wanted or needed. It was all about him even if he was doing something like cleaning out a gutter on my house.

    It did create a truly icky dynamic. The obligation thing is soo true! I felt unseen and small and unaccepted for me. I could not relax or be myself. It was as if there was no room for “me” in the relationship just his version of me.

    No matter what I said or did, the many many times I reconsidered, it always felt bad and off. I feel better without him in my life.



  20.  #20Linda on September 6, 2015 at 3:37 pm

    I so wish I could be a part of the telecast. These times do not work out for me to. I hope you all share what you learn.



  21.  #21Linda on September 6, 2015 at 3:42 pm

    Millie – maybe P and D are related. I really understand what you are sharing. I have lived this too. (hugs)



  22.  #22Dominique on September 6, 2015 at 4:13 pm

    Linda,

    Please let me know what times would work better for you. I plan to do more in the future. If you register anyway, I will send you something I think you will enjoy and feel encouraged by. If you use an alias here, please let me it’s you by sending me a private email.

    xxoo



  23.  #23Waterfall on September 6, 2015 at 4:59 pm

    Hey Starla,

    Ha ha I am laughing so hard about what you say about how your man had to point out these “traits” about you!! Oh my god, that sounds so similar.

    Every time I break it off from D I get a barrage of emails telling me things that I need to know about myself in order for me to have a “healthy” relationship. Yeah, cus the one with D is so healthy, right? He he…

    Weirdly, tonight I had somewhat a strange kind of epiphany about the whole experience whilst watching a reality tv programme.

    One girl is really upset with another girl because she thought their friendship had more “meaning” than it actually did. One friend had put all the effort in and the other one had barely acknowledged it.

    It made me realise sometimes it’s just not there, no matter how hard we try.

    I feel D is looking for something from me that he’s just not getting back. Even though I have given everything I have, it’s still not enough!



  24.  #24Linda on September 6, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Dominique: I sent you a message at your website 🙂 Its me!

    xo



  25.  #25Indigo on September 6, 2015 at 9:58 pm

    Starla 17,

    I felt very moved by your post here.

    In the past, I was never really fully aware or conscious of how I wanted to feel in a relationship – I knew it if it was there, and I also knew it if it was not there – but I had no idea what to look for, and I spent far too much time thinking that I was making mistakes, and like you said, that I didn’t have a “handle” on relationships. Several of my past boyfriends made me feel that way, and I really didn’t know enough to refute it. I cringe or at least feel such gentleness and compassion for myself when I think back on that.

    I don’t want to feel small and apologetic in a relationship. I don’t want to feel like I am an ok enough fit as long as I don’t step out of line. Or that somehow the man holds all the keys to making a relationship work and I am just lucky to be along for the ride. Such a weird sensation to realise how much of my time I have spent feeling that way, and how much I do not want to feel like that any more or ever again.

    Have I been too scared to step out into who I really am? Too concerned with fitting in? Especially with those who are NOT a fit for me? Not any more. Like you Starla, I know that I am a big, glorious, expansive being who holds multiple secrets and huge wellsprings of joy in my heart. I want to feel like that every day. I want to feel like I can bubble forth over onto the man I am with and he will delight in the fountain of me. That he can come to my spring to rejuvenate himself and will never want to feel that he is holding me back because he wants me to soar on the wings I was born with.

    It delights me to realise that the men in my life are getting closer and closer to this. That I am choosing men who more and more make me feel cherished and free all at once. Even though I may have setbacks where I have a good cry and feel like nothing is going right, where I feel so lonely and can’t see the wood for the trees, when my tears dry and the mist clears, a new vista opens up ahead of me.



  26.  #26Millie on September 7, 2015 at 1:02 am

    Indigo I really love your post here 🙂



  27.  #27Linda on September 7, 2015 at 3:33 am

    Indigo.

    Now that just straight up gave me goose bumps! My personal journey has led me to the same conclusions. If this were church I just would leap up and yell a big AAAMEN Sista ….to that! heehee

    Yep Baby steps and learning to allow “me” to REALLY matter , really matters. I believe too that because of I care for myself this way , it will flow to the man I will care for and he will floursh as well. I feel pumped about the positive effects that wellness will bring.



  28.  #28Linda on September 7, 2015 at 3:33 am

    Indigo.

    Now that just straight up gave me goose bumps! My personal journey has led me to the same conclusions. If this were church I just would leap up and yell a big AAAMEN Sista ….to that! heehee

    Yep Baby steps and learning to allow “me” to REALLY matter , really matters. I believe too that because of I care for myself this way , it will flow to the man I will care for and he will flourish as well. I feel pumped about the positive effects that wellness will bring.



  29.  #29Indigo on September 7, 2015 at 8:32 am

    (((Linda)))

    YES to this: “I believe too that because of I care for myself this way , it will flow to the man I will care for and he will floursh as well.”

    I met a really lovely man yesterday. I don’t want to say too much about it at this stage, and I’m not getting invested, I’m just being in the here and now, but I just wanted to let you ladies know that stuff is happening for me. <3



  30.  #30Mandy on September 7, 2015 at 9:06 am

    Hey I’m now in the dating world again, so I can listen in….YAY!

    SINGLE ME!

    Are you proud of me??? 🙂

    All the single ladies…all the single ladies… 🙂

    I LOVE BEING SINGLE. I never thought I’d say that EVER.



  31.  #31Linda on September 7, 2015 at 11:09 am

    Indigo are you online dating or is the universe dropping these men in your lap? Just curious?



  32.  #32Indigo on September 7, 2015 at 11:14 am

    Linda,

    Online dating



  33.  #33Femininewoman on September 7, 2015 at 11:25 am

    Mandy I am here just loving your vibe 🙂



  34.  #34Leela on September 7, 2015 at 12:53 pm

    Ooh this will be nice, I’m in!! I definitely need it now

    Just about to start dating again, agreed to see a guy on Sunday who’s been pursuing me on facebook for ages now. Don’t feel any attraction, not my type, probably doesn’t have the level of intelligence that I’m after BUT still gonna go and enjoy myself and practice some tools. Feel very exited to figure out what message does he hold for me.



  35.  #35Leela on September 7, 2015 at 1:30 pm

    Starla, such a great post. I hate to say that I know these kind of men a bit too well…

    I hate when anyone is trying to invade my personal space and I don’t mean my time here or physical/emotional space what I mean is my personality traits and the very core of ME. I had a guy who would say things like you’re too this and that how come you change your plans so often, I don’t like the place you work at, what do you wanna do that for it’s meaningless and why do you do your hair like this, you should try it differently or I don’t want you to wear make up when you’re with me etc. Even though I never changed in his favor, overtime it did bite my self confidence A LOT… Today I have no idea why did I stay with that man for such a long time. The problem for me was that I was never able to open up to him because I would fear his judgement, didn’t know much about feeling messages either.
    The message for me was that I didn’t accept myself and didn’t feel confident about the things I did in my life, I was looking for some approval outside but never gave one to myself and that’s why I’d rarely get one in the outside world. I was mentally beating myself up big time and he was supporting me in that process, even thought he did some very nice things alongside too!

    This is really not a good type of men to build a relationship with. The ones that scream I’ve seen it all, I know it all better than anyone else. The ones that think they are some kind of wisdom and advice gurus.

    But that’s just a mask…

    Because inside they are so insecure that before you know it you end up being just as insecure, questioning and doubting yourself. They are so insecure that they will never trust you and are VERY likely to have someone on the side and most importantly they will ENVY your confidence and will try to chip it away… So buyer beware!!



  36.  #36Azure Blu on September 7, 2015 at 2:23 pm

    Mandy #29
    Wow, brave, courageous Siren!!!

    I feel courious…
    Have you broken up with J? Has he moved out?



  37.  #37Zia on September 7, 2015 at 5:47 pm

    Hi everyone! Feeling super excited because its just a few more weeks now till my fiance and I move in together 🙂



  38.  #38Linda on September 7, 2015 at 7:19 pm

    The more that is posted springing from what Waterfall said the more things seem to be bubbling up from my experiences with P and that relationship. When Leela posted about invading her personal space and insecurity… more junk just bubbled up that I lived with and dealt with from him. Things that were said or happened got lumped into a big messy pile labeled “offended”

    Yes alongside the nice things all these other things were sandwiched right in. Now that I think about it and detangle more of it..I am gaining more clarity as to why things would never work. I feel like my vocabulary was too small and I just couldnt fully communicate how wrong stuff was for me.

    Literally nothing was off limits and it was something all the time. His riding my case about eye contact when he was speaking to comments about my showering habits. From my wanting to grow my hair out…(NO.. that would not serve you well)… to how I needed to get a different job because my work hours were not “normal “and “they were very detrimental to our relationship “. Typing these things causes a tightness in my chest and feeling of anxiety. Being in a situation where I could not relax began to take its toll on me physically. I suffered with some pretty heavy and extreme sick headaches and I actually began to think there was something really wrong with me. I also felt tired and sleepy a lot… but now I see that I was retreating and hiding in sleep. On the other side now.. there were lots of clues that even my body was sending me that I missed. Feeling picked at all the time becomes unbearable on so many levels even if you are not fully aware of them.



  39.  #39Indigo on September 7, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    Linda,

    Gosh :/ That sounds so awful. I can relate to parts of what you said. For me the much more relevant question, and the only one that matters for me going forward is, what made me think it was ok? Why did I stay, why did I question myself? Why did I start thinking badly of myself and doubting myself? I try not to have an investment in or expectation of what the answers to these questions might be. Just getting curious about how I can create more happiness next time.



  40.  #40Leela on September 8, 2015 at 2:03 am

    Linda, I think we dated the same guy lol

    On a serious note it’s really horrible, when I was reading your post I got tears in my eyes, I was exactly the way you described, that feeling of inadequacy, that heavy chest feeling, the anxiety and pretty much everything else… I even got to the point where my happiness and mood totally depended on him- on the way he treated me. At the time I didn’t realize I’m being emotionally and mentally abused, I simply thought something is wrong with me. And it didn’t look like he’s abusing me after all he was taking me places, always holding my hand, giving flowers and he wouldn’t ever hit me or call me names, what he did was deeper. It was as if he had found all my weakest points and used that to his advantage to chip away my confidence.



  41.  #41Femininewoman on September 8, 2015 at 2:50 am

    Such profound observations. Such profound awareness. And the question comes to me “if we bring it back to ourselves what do we learn about ourselves? Why did we hire these men to beat us up? “



  42.  #42Azure Blu on September 8, 2015 at 5:26 am

    Linda, Indigo and Leela…
    I feel sad and heavy for all you loving, amazing Sirens reading about these relationships…
    I guess we have to go thru these to get to where we are now…

    My first husband (married for 5 yrs) was also verbally/mentally abusive…
    Just as you mentioned, Leela, the hand holding, the flowers, taking me places… generosity… all made it difficult to realize what I was experiencing (especially at that young age)… like a boiled frog… slowly, steadily I felt less and less like myself… and I became more and more angry… until I had an affair and left!!!

    I felt sooooo liberated!!!
    It was sooo difficult to explain to people
    what he was doing…
    they saw all the ways he was good to me…
    My mother told me years after I had left him…
    he had said to me in front of her…
    “Azure, you know you are not pretty at all”
    I don’t remember that…
    I wish that she had been able to support me more emotionally
    while i was going thru the divorce…
    My whole family thought I was crazy cause he was very wealthy, and seemed nice (although saying such awful things)…

    I still am VERY proud that I was able to walk away
    and NEVER look back.

    He contacted me 15 years after our divorce and his 2nd wife was divorcing him…
    It was soo good to spend a few dates with him
    and realize (at an older age) he had not changed-
    He wielded his wealth like a club…
    and I could see more clearly how AWFUL he was!!!
    I had to threaten him with contacting the police
    to get him to stop calling and driving by my house…
    Such abuse!

    I know why I had chosen this man…
    I was raised with neglect and verbal and mental abuse…
    so of course this all seemed quite normal to me…

    THAT is why I am STILL VERY PROUD that i was able to get away so quickly…

    So many lovely, kindhearted, adoring men wanted to claim me for their own…
    but I had (still struggling) no capacity for letting them into my heart!!!
    I Thank the Universe for guiding me to Rori and
    Siren Island
    where I am healing my heart for ME!!!



  43.  #43Lovergirl on September 8, 2015 at 1:35 pm

    I am proud of you too Azure!! 🙂 Mandy, your happiness at being single is catching. 😉 Zia, that is exciting news about moving in with your fiance! Indigo, I am curious to hear more about the new guy soon! Leela, you have given me some insight with some of your posts as well, thank you.

    I don’t have time to say hi to everyone else individually, but I enjoy reading your posts!!

    As for me, I kind of took some time for myself over Labor Day weekend. My kids were with their dad, but I didn’t make plans with any men. I just wasn’t feeling it. Maybe its a little bit of depression and missing S, but I also worked a lot and just wanted to relax during my downtime. I went shopping and bought some new bras and panties, as well as clothes (late birthday present to myself!). It always makes me feel good to have new lingerie and clothing. 😉 I got a little housecleaning done too and am still working on some more organization.

    I feel sad that I haven’t heard from S in over a week now, since he called to wish me a late birthday. I wonder if this is really the end? 🙁 I miss him. Someone posted somewhere about imagining your perfect man, and I like that, only S really pretty much IS that for me, or WAS at one point. If he wanted me now, in a relationship, he WOULD be. Its just so depressing. It hurts so much to imagine that someday he might find someone else he likes better than me.

    Anyway, I’m pretty sure he has been talking about me. I noticed that the newest married couple that have validated him on the swinger site, have been looking at my profile. Most likely it means S was showing it to them. He just looooves to tell everyone about our relationship, especially now that it is over!! It kind of drives me nuts, but that is just how he is, he loves to talk things out and get others opinions on everything. He is different from most men in that regard.

    In other news, I’m still getting hit on a ton at work. It’s constant, young men, old men, every type of man, yet none that actually spark my interest. It’s actually kind of exhausting sometimes, having to deflect all the male attention. I mean, I enjoy it when its just harmless flirting, but having to reject people can be difficult.

    I’m still the top salesperson, and doing better all the time. The boss also gave me the opportunity to do some extra hours each week from home on my computer, office and scheduling work. That works out great, since I can do it while I am here with my children.

    He made a comment about me having a great personality and that’s why so many people want to buy from me. That felt good. People used to tell me all the time that I had a “magnetic personality”, before I got married to my ex husband and I feel like that relationship kind of tore me down and dulled my shine. It’s nice to hear it again. I feel like I’m reclaiming myself.



  44.  #44Liquid Light on September 8, 2015 at 3:08 pm

    Azure 41 Unfortunately this really sounds familiar. I was so consumed in my last relationship, he was so larger than life, he kind of took over my life, and I hardly recognized it. Wow, so enlightening to see you articulate your experience how familiar it is to me. I was kind of subsumed by him, and yes he chipped away at my self confidence in subtle ways like you say. I was hardly aware of it – the constant “joking” put downs, making fun of me, degrading sexual comments in public, etc. Ughh. Its insidious because he otherwise didn’t seem abusive in the traditional way. It was more psychological and that’s even more dangerous in some ways because its not obvious. Blah!!! Never again!!!



  45.  #45Leela on September 8, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Azure Blu you rock, big hugs to you!!!! Well done for dumping him TWICE!!
    I have a flood of feelings right now…. But when I look back I can see that there are times when we have to be more firm with men! I agree that attacking men doesn’t work, but if he does something obviously unacceptable or making negative comments about our appearance/job/home/our habits that are none of his business we must be very firm from day one!!! If we don’t make them know that we owe ourselves, not him, and there are things we won’t tolerate from the very beginning we will eventually loose our confidence!

    I remember I found a pretty cheap room to rent which was in a very nice location and very big for the budget. He helped me to move. When we arrived it was very dusty though (didn’t bothered me as it’s easily fixable), but his facial expression and comments killed the mood and excitement for me, I felt sad and didn’t express it correctly and therefore it probably never went away, I didn’t succeed in that place, wasn’t able to find a job and moved out soon after, even though it was a big, beautiful room with a huge window with a view facing the park I loved. I firmly believe it’s all because I stuffed down my anger and sadness, and that negative energy persisted in that room and my heart. Even though he did a lot of nice things like cleaned the room (lol), got lots of stuff for me and even cooked meals he killed that happiness for me the minute I walked in with my luggage in his hands. It was the first place on my own after moving out from my family house and instead of hugging, kissing and congratulating me, the first thing he said was mmmeeeh look at that dirty floor and windows… even though it was many years ago I still feel like crying, it really was a big thing for me. He made me feel bad for being unable to afford something better, and on top of that another night when we sat watching a movie he kept staring at an actress and said something like, wowwww she looks so beautiful here. I broke inside, not because he said so, but because he’d NEVER look at me and say words like that. Again, didn’t express it correctly and was left feeling miserable.

    An idea just popped into my hear- what if I write a proper script book, like writing down words I’d say to him and other tricky exes today, and if a new guy triggers me in a similar way what will I say and how will I respond.. As well as think about situations outside relationships and dating where I haven’t had success expressing myself…Yeyyy sounds good!

    There are a few more things I’ve discovered about myself during the past few days.

    1) My reality is what I think, feel and visualize because my body and mind reacts to it and creates actions to match those.

    2) My current speaking voice is not my true authentic voice. It’s one of the walls I’ve built over the years to “protect” myself. I’ve made it to sound lower than it actually is, to sound more mature, confident and strong. Yes, I’ve been a cactus for the whole time: strong on the outside, mushy on the inside.

    Solution: find my true voice, reclaim it! I’ll give myself some time to do it, as it’s been a long time since I altered my natural voice. Will spend lots of time relaxing and experimenting with it, making sounds and talking to myself softly and finding the right pitch.

    3) I’m still very approval-orientated and small, meaningless things can get to me.

    Solution: practice ocean wave tool whenever feeling triggered or attacked, and speak my truth following that!

    4) I still lack confidence, I can be a diva one minute and feel like the world’s biggest victim the next.

    Solution: Don’t forget doing things from my “channeling” list, work on my boundaries, exercise and visualize good, in fact- fantastic things every day. Use Rori’s tools. Don’t use Facebook for more than twice a week for 20mins max or stop using it altogether (I find it very poisonous for the mind if used excessively).



  46.  #46Leela on September 8, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    Hi Lovegirl, it feels soooo good to hear that you’re reclaiming yourself again! Bravo 🙂 I know that sometimes just the thought of dating another man makes you feel YUCK, and it’s OK, I think it’s totally fine to be out of dating for a while, as long as it’s not too long and you still stay open to at least talking and flirting with other men which sounds like you do.



  47.  #47Emerson on September 8, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    What a treat, Dominique I always appreciate your feedback and kind words.



  48.  #48Linda on September 8, 2015 at 6:56 pm

    So many us have been on the receiving end of some not so great stuff. Like the story of Trojan Horse. A gift can be packed with destruction inside it.

    I dont much like the notion of “hiring a man to beat us up”. I don’t treat myself the way I was treated. If anything I feel I grew much stronger on the inside and found my voice in the midst of it all. I matured and became stronger. I did explore parts of myself that I had never gotten familiar with too. Were there things I wish I had said that I didnt? Of course.

    Bringing it all back to me. I would say I was too nice too long and too mushy inside. I need to get over that.



  49.  #49Millie on September 9, 2015 at 12:07 am

    I just read this article about how sex makes a man feel valued and desired in the same way that him initiating contact in a romantic and cherishing way would feel to us. It makes sense. I feel another huge wave of guilt coming over me about M. I loved loved loved having sex with him, but that one night I got upset and frustrated at my not being able to orgasm. I was frustrated with myself but I feel this huge guilt that I drove his sexual desire away. I want to cry, reverse time… Every time I drive by a construction site I think I see him. My heart leaps. I’m still looking for him. I feel so horribly for allowing myself to do that. I wonder when it will pass…

    In other news, I think I’m about to embark on a fling. Superhot guy– I mentioned him before… Who I didn’t really feel a connection with other than the physical chemistry. I feel excited at the prospect of just letting go, being in the moment receiving pleasure with no expectations, without trying to control any aspect of the situation. I haven’t had a fling in a long time, and even then I was usually emotionally attached to some degree. So it will be interesting to see how this feels! I realized that just because I want to meet my future husband and have this goal/visualization in mind, doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy some of the fruits along the road until he reaches me. *blush*



  50.  #50Azure Blu on September 9, 2015 at 9:08 am

    Lovergirl,
    Thank you for the wonderful cheer for me!!!

    Sooo fun to hear about alll the male attention
    You are receiving at work… But like you said…
    it must be a challenge to have to fend off all of this!

    BRAVA to you for doing your job soooo welll…
    Feeling back to your Rock Star self
    and positive feedback from your boss!!
    So happy for you…

    Ahhhh… the missing of S… warm, loving huggss to you, darling…
    When I read how well you are doing
    to stay away and NOOOOO contact
    It is inspiring to me to do that soon with Spirit…

    Right now I am seeing him way too much…
    he invited me to hang out with his golf friends – I love doing that… He spent the night and we had wild yummy s*x (I needed that!!!)
    a few days before it was to watch a game with him…we’ve been talking on the phone…
    I’m still seeing RM… I do like him…
    RM is getting a little agitated that we’re not exclusive…
    He’ll be fine…

    Lovergirl How self caring that you spent time with YOU…
    and soooo great to read how you are finding
    Lovergirl again!!! oxoxo



  51.  #51Mandy on September 9, 2015 at 9:54 am

    (How do you get your avatar to change on here?)

    Sirens,

    Azure, Femininewoman and Lovergirl,

    Yes, I broke up with Jerod I just said, “Honey…’we’re friends…”

    And it was a lot for him to take after work he didnt say anything for hours just sat in front of the the tv. I told him he didn’t have to move out right away. He said he would be moving out.

    We are now negotiating what we do, where we sleep, if we sleep separately, etc…if he does as he says he’s going to he will be moving out and i can be at peace with him, me and everything.

    I thought this was the hardest decision I’d made since choosing not to have a child. It was, but somehow, I saw it through. I just didn’t want to throw my life away on this guy. I mean this is going to sound out there but I think I can feel in in my spirit and soul that it was right.

    Even my dreams at night are changing.

    Now, G is calling and dying for attention from me, I magnetized the stuffing out of him, lol. I need to back off on Valentine, he’s too yummy for my own good. It’s one of those favorites things happening. I mean, the guy’s 24 and smoking hot, excellent in bed (ya, I went there, lol) and well, I just can’t describe it, he makes me feel incredible. He always tells me he should be taking care of me and oh it makes me melt really fast, I’m a bowl of jello before him. I’ve never met a guy who likes to cook and has dinner parties who’s 24…I don’t know anyone 34, my age, who does that, he paints, is very deep and intelligent, and just kind of took me by surprise. Yeah, He’s a favorite, and that’s not something i can tell my brain or heart to stop, and it’s totally my downfall. At this point in the game the ball is in his court as it were and it’s like I’m just floating towards him, but this is the dangerous point right here. This is where I don’t see if the man is toxic because he’s so hot, then fall hard, then get roped in, then make promises and then become trapped. It’s right now, and I have the choice not to do that. I have been giving him an embarrassing amount of attention lately. He’s been overwhelmed with life. He knows I’ve waited this long to be able to have sex again and he knows I will want it, and he is basically willing to do that for me. He would be the only one I choose to do that with, but the thing is, I get so attached during sex, it’s the look in the eyes and everything, that it’s like comfort, or ice cream, when you are nursing your emotional wounds. Some is okay, but becoming addicted and doing it all the time, oh no….you need some veggies with that ice cream…

    G, I know this sounds funny, but he feels like eating my veggies right now. lol. When I visited him he was so angry at the world I actually was turned off, and then met Valentine.

    That NEVER happens! I never choose to be turned off! Could it be perhaps I am…GROWING UP??? 🙂 Still having trouble with my focusing. Need stuff to do, don’t like the feeling of laser-focusing at all. I have been leaning back today still haven’t said anything balls in his court. Can’t let me OCD mind jump to any bad conclusions. I’d like some help here. I’m actually having a really hard time with my OCD.

    Here’s the thing, my therapist told me that it is a “big liar” and a “bully” and I need to “boss it back”. Like the negative talk, that Rori talks about. You have to tell yourself it is a big bully and a liar. Problem is I have to do this so many times in one minute recently that I find myself unable to sleep last night. I get stuck in this loop of ooh I like him, and then, can I have him, I might not be able to, I can’t, I never will, he hates me…and further on down the line.

    Something soothing is definitely called for! I have been through the wringer and I don’t even realize it…



  52.  #52Azure Blu on September 9, 2015 at 10:11 am

    Liquid Light…
    Ahhhh… yes… the constant “joking” put downs..
    They seem so innocent in the beginning
    and all of a sudden you realize…
    YOU are the brunt of all his negative joking…

    Yes, I can spot this sooo much more quickly
    since Rori… and realize I DON”T like it…

    I have a good way of stopping it now…
    I don’t laugh…
    and say… “I feel unhappy being the brunt of most of your jokes”
    “I know I have a good sense of humor and I can laugh at myself… but this feels bad”
    It has worked like a charm!!!



  53.  #53Indigo on September 9, 2015 at 10:11 am

    Mandy,

    It doesn’t sound out there at all. That is the way it is when you make a decision that is right for you. You feel that rightness deep down.

    I’m very proud of you! There was a siren, Sophie (who goes by Jasmine now I think) who went through a very similar situation and I wish she would come on here and comment because maybe she has some insights to share about what to do when you’ve broken up with a guy but they are still living in your place. I wish you luck and love!



  54.  #54Azure Blu on September 9, 2015 at 10:14 am

    Leela,,,
    Thank you for your warm, energetic praise…
    Feels good!

    Ahhhh… yes… setting boundaries from day one…
    I’m getting so much better at this!

    I love your scripts and solutions… inspiring…
    Thank you for your sharing of your authentic, lovely self
    here on Siren Island



  55.  #55Azure Blu on September 9, 2015 at 10:21 am

    Mandy…
    You are taking a BIG step in letting J know
    you only want to be friends
    and he needs to move out!!!

    You have grappled with this for awhile and I
    want to give YOU BIG PRAISE!!!
    GREAT JOB..YAY YOU!!!

    Of course you will be experiencing lots of
    emotions…
    I’m sure you are loving them all…

    Have you tried visualizing your OCD?
    What does she look like? Where does she live?
    Talking to her warmly and gently
    instead of rejecting her?
    Asking her if she needs a hugggg?
    Telling her that you love her and if
    she shares her power with you
    It could help you both have a very happy life…

    I got this tool from Rori and it has helped me
    with all my strong and overwhelming feelings…
    All of ME needs LOVING!!!
    oxoxo



  56.  #56Azure Blu on September 9, 2015 at 10:29 am

    Linda #37
    Ohhh… gee… these are such subtle but
    Ohhh so powerful put downs from P.

    I believe it important to be able to clearly see
    what was NOT good and Why we left…
    To make sure we can recognize these traits
    when/if we see then again…



  57.  #57Leela on September 9, 2015 at 11:28 am

    Lovely Sirens, I wanted to talk about damaging and enhancing your energy field. Rori talked about it in Targeting Mr Right… I think it’s really huge

    I just created an online dating profile a few hours ago. Since I broke up with my “beloved” ex I never had success there even thou I tried multiple times. I finally figured out why:

    – I never took time to really write stuff on my profile, like my interests, who I’m looking for, etc.

    – I didn’t look approachable in my photos

    – And last but not least, I was damaging my energy field by thinking no this ain’t gonna work… look some loser just messaged me, and another, and another, and another…. pfff time to delete my profile!

    This time I corrected my mistakes, and instead of thinking ahh another loser, I thought awww another guy trying to get me, thank you universe for sending these men and their “arrows” my way! All of a sudden I’m getting dozens of messages from different kinds of men, many of whom are pretty damn hot, and I’ve only been there for an hour!

    Just by remembering that all of them are worthy human beings, even if I’m not attracted to them, by appreciating the universe for sending love to me, I feel my energy field broadening and enchanting. I say thank you to the universe and it responds to it by sending more better things, more love, better men my way! As if it’s always testing me… It works like magic!

    This is the part where I’ve always struggled: if a man below average approached me I’d look at them with the how-dare-you facial expression and replied with the how-dare-you tone of voice. And I always felt it’s affecting my energy and vibe, because I’d feel guilty at some deep level, but I thought it’s cool- you see it all the time in the media and movies, the girl who gets all the guys is usually super rude towards men and I grew up with that image in my head. And when I think about it now, it simply isn’t attractive! In fact, it’s super unattractive!!!! Another old working-against-me pattern discovered, YAAAYYY!!!



  58.  #58Azure Blu on September 9, 2015 at 3:00 pm

    Leela…
    I so agree… I have been online dating off and on now for 2 years…
    Getting quite a few dates but not with the quality of men I would like,

    This last time – POF – I put together some really nice photos…
    I have a friend who always looks sooo good in her photos… so i noticed how she poses every time someone points a cell camera her way…
    I started practicing in the mirror and sure enough
    pointing my shoulders forward
    and turning my face toward the camera
    is very flattering!!!
    Sooo I collected all the photos from my friends and family where I had posed this way
    and – Voila – my photo gallery looks great!!!
    I added a few photos of me interacting with my grandchildren and my cat…

    Then I turned my attention to my profile
    which, honestly, sounded like a robot!!! :-0

    I listened to a video from Adam Giland who gave
    some great advice on what to write…
    How to sound authentic and vulnerable
    and share what you are looking for in a man…
    Great advise
    And I probably tweak it weekly
    All this combined has gotten me
    soo many responses from men I
    am truly interested in
    that I have hidden my profile
    so I can pick and choose the ones I want.
    Sooo fun!!!



  59.  #59Leela on September 9, 2015 at 3:33 pm

    Yeeeyyyy Azure Blu, I’m soooo happy to hear that!!! I too just logged in, had nearly a hundred of new messages, just thought I can’t cope with it right now, will log in back when I have more time or I might do what you did lol. It’s really sooo fun!!!

    And hey pointing your shoulders forward…. just tried how it looks in the mirror, must say it looks super cute and fun! Now I know how to pose for my next shot, thank you!! 😀



  60.  #60Tereana on September 9, 2015 at 7:43 pm

    Yay, Dominique! I hope to catch the recordings! 🙂



  61.  #61Tereana on September 9, 2015 at 7:46 pm

    A random thought that just popped into my head: I think that learning to take care of myself is, and continues to be, the most difficult, demanding job Ive ever had.



  62.  #62Lovergirl on September 9, 2015 at 8:36 pm

    Thank you Azure and Leela. I do miss S, though sometimes I still feel angry with him. It’s like instead of absence making the heart grow fonder, it helps me to focus on the times that DIDN’T feel good with him. It still just hurts and confuses me that he would be willing to let me go. I feel so empty and unloved.

    I have slept with RadioCD again the other day. I don’t get the feeling he wants much more than casual sex, which is okay. He’s pretty good in bed and he’s a cool guy, pretty nice overall, plus he gives me and the kids free tickets to things from the radio station, which is great. I just don’t really trust him that much. I’m pretty sure he’s seeing other women, though we don’t talk about it.

    Then there’s the Boring guy. After my birthday, he gave me some late birthday gifts- a nice dress and jacket and a little cake. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Somehow everything from him feels more obligatory.

    I worked tonight at a ball game. My male co-worker was bragging to some of the security guys about how every time he works with me we get free food from some guys that are trying to hit on me. Sure enough, I ended up getting some stuff from guys later- and they were laughing about it. I actually was able to get exactly what my co-worker wanted (brisket fries), even though it was not something they had at that particular place- the guy had to run to another vendor to get brisket to put on my fries and they thought it was hilarious that these guys will get me whatever I want. :p

    It’s kind of fun and amusing, but high pressure too, because now everyone expects it. Then I get guys coming up to talk to me, who aren’t really interested in what we are selling but just want to tell me I’m gorgeous or that they just came over because they like my legs (I had on shorts today, it was hot) or tell me to go ahead and pitch a sale, knowing full well they aren’t interested. That can be a real time waster! I’ve had guys want to take pictures with me so they can post it on Facebook, like I’m a hooters girl or something. :p

    It can be fun, but it can also leave me with the ugh, men, they are all the same, feeling. Like is anyone ever going to really SEE ME for who I am and love me for who I am on the inside? I feel like I opened up so much more of myself to S than I ever have with anyone, and that it didn’t seem to MEAN anything to him, really hurts. Its like he would be just as happy with an equally attractive woman with no personality, or nothing in common with him, just as long as she didn’t have a bunch of kids.



  63.  #63Lovergirl on September 9, 2015 at 8:41 pm

    On pictures, I don’t really take good pictures at all. Guys always tell me I look better in person! I still get hit up by tons of guys though so I’m not really motivated to take especially great pictures- it seems like it would just get more disappointing men from online. I’m just feeling so blah about men right now.



  64.  #64Mandy on September 9, 2015 at 9:02 pm

    Sirens, thank you, Azure, Ive been taught in therapy that the OCD is like a negative thought and it is a lie, so they deal with it accordingly, in a very stand up manner, and my therapist was just tough as nails, but at least now that Ive seen a tough therapist, Rori saus she is tough but it doesnt feel that way to me because my therapist wasnt just tough she was just matter of fact and told me what I needed to hear, which is very difficult. BUT I hear what you are saying, different approaches can bring lively changes about and I do genuinely feel very very intrigued. She looks like me as a chronically ill, cross eyed kid with glasses who really needed her big tough awesome dad to be around a lot but he was in the Air Force, so he left a lot, hed be gone for one to three months not counting when he was gone for a year then when he came back and retired he was depressed then got terminal cancer twice and beat those so he was very crabby and not nice, so when a man orders me around or ecerts control, there it is for me, the sturdiness I craved, my dad had. MISSING that sturdiness but trying to find my rock, the Sirens remember the rock tool right? Yes I feel very much and honestly theres this mystery as to why it feels like even my friends are leaving me be right now, I dont want to be left alone. Things are odd. Out of place, fearful. BUT I had to get over this hump. I dont want to care after a man. I want a man to care after me, and honestly right now I feel mad because some company would be great but no ones answering. It is so awkward not asking Valentine how he is, it is just like ah, I dont need a huge gesture, just a tiny bit of attention. Confused there, not sure if he is waiting for me to say something or of I am doing right by not initiating contact, everyone who knows me and knows I am masculine energy a lot knows I am being overly nice when I dont talk, or I’m upset, or both, so I feel very weird. Continue leaning back?



  65.  #65Indigo on September 9, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    Lovergirl,

    I’m not photogenic at all either, and whilst I always carefully select the pictures that I allow the public to see, I know I don’t take good photos. Men always tell me I look prettier in person. All the same, I suppose I have the belief that the men who will be drawn to me will be attracted to something on the inside, or something they can’t explain, and for the most part that has been the case.

    In terms of people/men seeing you for who you really are and loving what’s on the inside, I have found that it is up to us to show people. If the image we project and the behaviour we demonstrate is that we do not mind being objectified, or that we’re too timid or insecure to show our true selves then people will for the most part treat us that way. You get to choose. You get to walk away from men’s attention that doesn’t feel good to you, you get to choose what you are projecting for other people to see. For me personally, I never project a provocative or sexy image to men online or when I’m on a date because it sends the wrong message. There’s a beauty to being a woman and being your authentic self that good guys WILL be attracted to. It doesn’t just need to be about sex. In fact I usually keep sex for last. Just a thought. If you want people to see you differently, you need to project something different.



  66.  #66Azure Blu on September 10, 2015 at 5:18 am

    Indigo,
    I so agree with what you are saying here…

    I too have learned to be careful with projecting a too s*xy side in the beginning…
    It seems men get that s*xual feeling very easily and then tend to skip over who i am…

    BUT before Rori… I didn’t have a good sense of who I was… so as you say, Indigo, If we don’t know who we are
    How can we share that fascinating, AMAZING, beautiful person that we are?? !!

    Because of Rori’s tools and
    Me practicing being, warm and full of feelings on the inside…
    Men are sooo turned on and drawn to me now- not only by my body but by my smile, voice, mind, laughter and
    Siren Vibe!!!
    it is
    MAGIC

    I am still struggling with letting things progress to the next level….
    baby steps!!



  67.  #67Dominique on September 10, 2015 at 6:10 am

    Thank you so much to all of you who came to my event this past Tuesday. I had some tech glitches, and to anyone affected, I’m so sorry. I have the recording available which was sent manually to each of you registered. If there is anyone here not registered who would like to listen, please email me, and I will send it to you. 🙂

    dominique@sexandheart.com

    Looking forward to next week’s call –

    Creating MAGIC in Relationship

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  68.  #68Dominique on September 10, 2015 at 6:11 am

    Tereana – 60 – Yet maybe the most rewarding, for this will spill out into all areas of your life, enriching them, expanding you, making everything feel so much more so.

    xxoo



  69.  #69Azure Blu on September 10, 2015 at 6:18 am

    Tereana #60
    YES!!! I love this…

    “I think that learning to take care of myself is,
    and continues to be,
    the most difficult,
    demanding job
    Ive ever had.”
    ;~>



  70.  #70Azure Blu on September 10, 2015 at 8:36 am

    (((MANDY))))
    You have us… you are not alone
    and you have YOU!!!
    oxoxo



  71.  #71Azure Blu on September 10, 2015 at 8:43 am

    Leela #52
    Ahhh… the Magic of appreciation and positive vibes!

    When I read a profile from a man that is negative
    and says things like: “Don’t contact me IF…
    (you have 10 toes, you smile too much, or you breath too loud)
    it is sooo evident he has a HUGE wall up
    and then at the end of the profile
    he says… “Hey, girls! I dont understand… Why don’t you just contact ME?”
    Abrasive and rude…
    You know to move on the the next guy!! :`>



  72.  #72Leela on September 10, 2015 at 11:12 am

    Indigo and Lovegirl, I don’t look good in photos either! Strangers would come up to me paying compliments, but I’m not that photogenic and I just hate how everybody’s taking selfies all the time nowadays I avoid those as much as possible 😀 I find selfie and social networking obsessions annoying anyway

    Today I had a thought: it’s much more better, healthier to be with a man who you are attracted enough to kiss him, and the thought of having sex with him doesn’t frighten you, than being with a man who you’re crazy about.

    I reached out to a guy I dumped because I thought he’s too boring. Actually I was crazy about him for the first week or two when I first met him. But then I started a new job, and had a crush on a co-worker. He seemed more fun and he was taller, looked more masculine and all that shit, chemicals kicked in…And that’s it…I grew indifferent towards the guy I was seeing and eventually dumped him. Regarding the co-worker, it turned out he’s a bit of a loser, he still lived with his aunt, was obsessed with gym and working out and wasn’t outgoing at all. I ended up having the most awkward one night stand with him ever…

    I know we are not supposed to reach out to men, but this guy got dumped by me for multiple times. I just sent a ‘hi..’, he replied saying that he misses me and we should meet someday.
    I don’t know how it’ll go, I just thought it deserves another shot. He’s a great guy apart from being not so talkative (he told me it’s because he gets shy and nervous when he’s with me)..will see…



  73.  #73Leela on September 10, 2015 at 11:17 am

    Dominique, I listened to the recording, you are great and sound so authentic! Bravo to you!!!
    My realization about which I talked in my previous comment is thanks to you.

    Can’t wait for the other session
    Thank you! xoxo



  74.  #74Azure Blu on September 10, 2015 at 11:23 am

    Leela…
    Evan Mark would agree with you…
    REach out and give it a try…
    I learn a lot about me and what I want after I have dated other men…
    then i look back and see many of the great qualities the ex nice guy had…
    I also find (cause I have gone back to nice ex)
    after time has passed… I am better and he is too.,
    at discussing some of the issues that were bothering both of us…

    I saw a great youtube video
    that said… the BEST thing to insure that a relationship can work after a breakup
    is to try and calmly go over some of the things that you were both not happy about,
    or would like to be different AND
    All the things you were thrilled, turned on by and extremely appreciative about!
    Her point was… if you don’t try and discuss the
    issues that caused your break up… they will probably come up again!! :-((



  75.  #75Dominique on September 10, 2015 at 11:39 am

    Leela – Thank you so much. It warms my heart so much that your realization came to you in part because of something I might have said.

    I love having the honor in sharing a little part of your journey.

    As for reaching out to this man, though you don’t want to tend to this overly, doing so as long as you’re not expecting anything from him, as long as you’re doing it from a clean and clear place, it’s all good. This also gives you the opportunity to experiment, see what feels better to you and what doesn’t, and when.

    Love to you.

    xxoo



  76.  #76April Rose on September 10, 2015 at 12:10 pm

    Azure,

    Adam Gilad says that men who write things like that (lists of dislikes) in their profile are coming from a place of fear, and that it is only a matter of time before you will find yourself on the other side of that wall he has built around him.



  77.  #77Azure Blu on September 10, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    April Rose,,,
    Ahhh… interesting…
    a place of fear…
    I too have had a wall of fear around me..
    and slowly am working on taking down…
    little by little…
    I am going to meditate and love
    that fear in me…
    I know she must be very scared!!



  78.  #78Lovergirl on September 10, 2015 at 1:49 pm

    Indigo- I dont think I project a provacative or sexy image. I dress pretty conservatively for the most part and when im at work especially.



  79.  #79Liquid Light on September 10, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    Lovergirl, I know just what you mean. I dress conservatively too especially at work. In fact I really go out of my way to make sure everything is covered up. Its kind of silly how much effort and time I put into this but its just the way that it is. Kind of tired of fighting it. It is what it is. And so what if a man is very sexually attracted to me? Instead of fighting, I’m starting to realize its an asset and I can play with it and use it to my advantage. Just a thought but I don’t think its at all a bad thing to have men feel that way. I think my problem is my story around it that i’ve told myself that somehow its bad and that I’m bad that men see me that way. Oh well, a lot of women put a lot of effort into trying elicit that reaction from men. To me, and seems like to you too Lovergirl it just comes naturally. And there’s nothing wrong with that. From now on, I’m going to stop beating myself up about it and flirt flirt flirt if I feel like it! 😀



  80.  #80Mandy on September 10, 2015 at 5:35 pm

    Ah, yeah, the photogenic subject, I feel very stern about my opinion on that, which is even if you have a photogenic face, let me tell you, you can have a terrible time in love. I know because I do have a “photogenic” face, but it doesn’t guarantee anything but a look and maybe interest in a sexual manner…you just can’t really connect that much with a guy by worrying about whether or not you are photogenic, or investing in it, at least in my opinion.
    (Besides, the best pictures actually come from me emoting, not solely from one’s looks, anyway.)

    I have asked lots of men lots of questions just because I always feel that curious ask to what they would say, and they say a lot that there’s these particular little things they like, and they are not even really related to anything important, they are just little tiny things that remind him of something he’s either vulnerable to or gives him a good feeling.

    I have heard one say he likes my glasses, I have heard one say he likes my slightly thicker build, I have heard one say he doesn’t usually go for women with short hair but he likes mine, I have heard one say he doesn’t usually go for women who are into show tunes, lol, and there we were, together. And I have heard from friends that they think it is GOOD for that man in particular, that he could use some show-tunes in his life, lol.

    Perspective you know…weird, right? We were taught from girls that if we were pretty princesses, we’d get this golden shining knight and be taken care of forever and live in a castle and all this stuff, and it at least created a situation in me where I felt I was busy wanting and not being. So take away the barbie dolls and the dress-up and the Disney movies when I was a kid and you have me with a pencil and a piece of paper, and that was truly who I was. (I draw, lol.)

    Really what I should be doing i realize is right under my nose. I haven’t drawn in so long. Pick something and draw it, the cat is good because she sleeps for long hours and I can get her in one pose, lol. I have been wanting to stretch my drawing fingers again but haven’t had the proper motivation because I felt like I wasn’t being honest with me, by not telling J we needed to break up, and so when I did, things melted away.

    J and I…there is a dialogue opening up between us because I am not afraid of losing him anymore. The fear of losing him made me paint myself into a corner.
    He of course does still need to move and i am not being pushy because it’s his idea and he is driven himself to do it, and so I am leaning back on that one.

    When the control falls away, you truly see each other for who you both really are, and you start getting along again, once the ugly stuff is cleared up. He and I are actually getting along QUITE well now. I don’t feel angry with him telling me I might want to do this or that, or suggestions, as I was when I was his girlfriend and not getting sex.

    I am amazed at his capacity to try to be my friend after this. He is stronger than I thought.

    Still haven’t heard from Valentine. Continue leaning back? I think he must think the lack of contact is weird but I mean if he won’t initiate, then I kind of want to wander and find someone else to talk to because I’m just exhausted from working SO hard with J. I guess I’ll continue leaning back? There is a little kid inside me crying WAHHHHHHH, lol. Just really craving the warmth. But that’s actually not something that comes from a guy, that can come from a female friend. I am trying to think of who I already know who is like that, I think my best friend is like that, maybe I’ll call her up, you know. Right now it’s all about me raising my vibration and keeping it up. That’s how i focus on me, because when my “vibration” is “down”, that’s when I start to act and feel AWFUL. Can’t have too much of that. Can have it in healthy amounts.

    I actually ate breakfast and danced around to some music this morning, I haven’t done that in ages, and I used this old technique with making my eggs the way my mom used to so it was comforting, and I’ve just been kind of up and about all day until I sat down to visit the blog.

    Jeez it is weird and just ….weird…how people can really take you for a ride if you let them…it is so important to watch your boundaries. To know and keep them.



  81.  #81Tereana on September 10, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    Hi Ladies…

    I am in such a weird space right now. My life is copacetic, which it largely hasn’t been. And maybe this gives me some anxiety. I am looking for a change. Or I think that I “have” to change. That I’m “supposed” to be looking for something bigger and better than what I am doing right now. That I am “meant” for bigger, “better,” “more important” things than my current job/position, etc. And that might be true. And yet, maybe the only way I can get there is through what I am doing right now. Maybe building longevity is a long, slow process, one brick at a time, where you don’t really notice what it is you are doing while you are doing it, until you look and say, “Oh my goodness, I just built a house.”

    Or something. I’m just making this up.

    Because I am trying to find some way to cope with the fact that I made a decision about my life, and then that decision, what I put my heart into, was taken away from me, and felt so within reach. And then it wasn’t. And that wasn’t my CHOICE. And it being my Choice is so important to me right now. It feels like some part of my soul was killed, and now I’m just trying to regrow my starfish arms. Hey, maybe souls can do that. Maybe souls can be like starfish. If we believe them to be.

    Still, it takes time. I’m going to need time to get there, and figure out what my real next steps will be….



  82.  #82Lovergirl on September 10, 2015 at 7:36 pm

    Liquid Light- my ex husband was in ministry so I always had to be careful what I wore and some of that has carried over. Plus, when Im working im usually wearing a polo shirt from the company and khaki pants. Im not sure there is anything less sexy on a woman than a polo shirt and khakis, haha. Well, maybe a denim jumper… They do let us wear shorts if its really hot and we are outdoors, or sometimes I wear a khaki skirt but neither is going to be super sexy or anything. Heck, ive even had guys comment on how many clothes I had on at swinger parties I wrent to before, lol. Like there are women running around in lingerie and im in a sundress.



  83.  #83Tatia Dee on September 11, 2015 at 7:34 am

    Much Love To You Dominique!
    What A Wonderful Teleclass!
    Love,
    Tatia Dee



  84.  #84Tereana on September 11, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    There is something that I’d actually like to share here. But I’m holding back because I don’t want to “jinx” it. It feels so nice, being in the moment, just enjoying the fun. I don’t want to rationalize it by putting it down, making it too “real” here, subjecting it to scrutiny. No…I am liking it in the warm secretness. And so I guess I just want to share that warm, secret feeling. It’s a lovely happy feeling that gives me a little sparkle in my otherwise dull day(s).

    And tonight I am going to sleep well. I’ve had a massage. My body feels so much better. I’m getting a massage about every month, and it’s so good for me. I’m making it a very real part of my self care. It has such wonderful benefits



  85.  #85Indigo on September 11, 2015 at 9:16 pm

    Tereana,

    Love this: “There is something that I’d actually like to share here. But I’m holding back because I don’t want to “jinx” it. It feels so nice, being in the moment, just enjoying the fun. I don’t want to rationalize it by putting it down, making it too “real” here, subjecting it to scrutiny. No…I am liking it in the warm secretness. And so I guess I just want to share that warm, secret feeling. It’s a lovely happy feeling that gives me a little sparkle in my otherwise dull day(s).”

    I feel exactly the same way!



  86.  #86Mandy on September 12, 2015 at 9:37 am

    Wow I just realized it’s almost fall again, and a year ago I was crying about having no intimacy. Now I feel like I have raised my degree of difficulty about a thousand points, lol. I feel like I have said “This is not acceptable”.
    And he has complied.

    I realized I made myself very worried this week and it was all me. I also realized all that energy put into a man, is energy coming out of me and that I won’t get back if I just give it, I mean, if I just give it indiscriminately. It’s Mandy, remember two things…you tend to jump to the worst conclusion in a single bound, due to anxiety, and also, to keep in mind all that power you believe HE has, is ALL you. It’s all coming from you, the star, shining…you’re just associating the “shine” with him, and it’s all you. It’s all coming from you. So, if you have your own star shine for yourself, you’re your own best friend at that point and there can’t be anything better than that.

    I get that clearly.

    I realized poor Valentine is in a situation of just being tired all the time and sleepy and thrown off because he’s in pain and on meds.

    I have to be careful with this one, he’s a catch and if it weren’t for us both being tied up at the moment i think we’d probably end up being a couple and that’s not what I need right now. I’ll still see him, but no boyfriends. But wow, I have a lot of love in my heart. When he responded with the same message I got this week, of being tired and in pain, I just felt like Awww, babe…<3 That's good.

    I realize quickly when I know I should that I have been focusing, so I instantly get the focus off and turn to myself, thinking, throw on some music and celebrate YOU, you just did something extraordinary for yourself, now it's time to congratulate yourself and find new ways to enjoy life.



  87.  #87Daria on September 12, 2015 at 12:37 pm

    Lots of love to Dominique and the rest of the Goddesses here 🙂



  88.  #88Linda on September 12, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    In reading some of the comments I had sort of an ahh-haa moment this morning about fear and taking things all back to myself. The comments from Azure about how she spends time with her fears and how doing that has lead to so much healing has stirred me to try it. So I instead of side-stepping it I have spend some time with her this morning talking thru some things and I already have had some pretty big revelations! This is just the thing I need to do right now because I have been feeling frustrated and discouraged and “stuck”.



  89.  #89Tereana on September 19, 2015 at 7:55 am

    Indigo #85 *teehee*! 🙂