Creating Experience For You And A Man

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fb quoteA good feeling experience between you and a man can last for several days… So can you imagine what might happen if you could build a really good feeling experience for both of you many times per day?

So what stops any of us from creating this? Regularly? Daily? All the time?

To start, let’s forget about “him” entirely and ignore completely whatever he’s doing…

…Because, and we all know this already – regardless of what he’s doing, how he’s being, what he’s saying – what’s stopping you from creating this good feeling experience continually is what’s going on inside you.

So now were at the place of discovering the habits and patterns and cycles of our moment-by-moment emotional and mental “reflexes”…and where we go when we feel “triggered.”

Whether we “choose” or simply automatically “go to” a pattern of reacting and responding that keeps us from building good feeling experiences between us and a man …

To go even deeper: Where do we go – by choice or automatically –  that stops us from creating good feeling experiences between us and US! 

When we’re continually, on a moment-by-moment, day-in-and-day-out basis, going to a place where we don’t feel good about ourselves or anyone else.

Yet – and this is the important thing: It’s completely, totally, absolutely possible to build a good feeling experience with ANYONE – even in a bad feeling happening!

In other words – it doesn’t matter what’s going on.

You can still allow yourself to feel good. And that allowing of yourself to feel good will allow everyone around you – especially a man – to breathe.

So – how about this for the number one thing stopping you from always veering toward creating good experiences: Your anger over your own unmet dreams.

This is in my Toxic Men program – and I want to go way further here, as an introduction to my new concept of “Reversing The Flow.”

This is about turning the reaction that you’re feeling “into the ground.” In a fanciful way.

Using that reaction as the fertilizer, the fuel, to build a good feeling experience in that moment…

We all instinctively, through our lifetime’s practice, turn on OURSELVES when something doesn’t go as we want it.

We search for blame, we go into a gear that literally takes us “out of ourselves.” And, often we just lay blame on the first person or thing that shows up.

Sometimes it’s the man in front of us who said something that triggered us. Most often, it’s ourselves.

Reversing The Flow takes us out of that old pattern. We’re essentially turning around our complete internal psychological systems…

Instead of turning “ON” something – laying blame, figuring out what’s wrong, figuring out a solution – we simply take all that energy our systems are throwing around out there like cheap, drunken punches, and send it “down” to nourish ourselves.

Think of it as “root feeding.” Like you’re a rose. Just send all that drunken, careening, angry energy down to the ground as FOOD.

After you’ve tried this Tool – we’ll expand on Reversing The Flow as a “Radiant” state of being, where what’s getting nourished inside you just pours out of you. Anger turned to love.

Pretty awesome!

Love, love life, Rori

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32 Comments

  1.  #1Starla on December 11, 2015 at 9:08 am

    Loooooove this



  2.  #2Azure Blu on December 11, 2015 at 10:10 am

    Ohhhh… Rori!
    THANK YOU**THANK YOU**THANK YOU**THANK YOU**
    This is EXACTLY what I needed to read at THIS
    very moment…
    Throughout the last 3 years of studying and practicing your Tools..
    I have gotten SOOOO much better at just “being” in the moment and creating good feelings with ME and everyone…
    BUT I still struggle with knee jerk reactions to keep ME from getting tooo close to anyone… especially men!

    I was with Spirit last night… We have gotten so close emotionally… over the past 5 months.
    My heart has been melted by his masculine love coming toward me…
    But I get so triggered when he brings up religion
    and HE has changed so much in the way he shares his feelings about religion with me…
    My aggressive, negative reactions, is ME just shoving him Away!!!
    I will use this Tool!!! I will practice this tool.
    For ME and my HapPyEVERAFTER!!



  3.  #3Tee on December 11, 2015 at 10:28 am

    This does take practice & I’m getting so much better at this. I think things could /would move quicker if I threw some feeling messages in there.

    However, these days I’m just ecstatic to be able to pin down my triggers so that I Know what they are & maybe when they are most likely to occur



  4.  #4Azure Blu on December 11, 2015 at 10:53 am

    Tee…
    Ahhh… is see what you’re saying…
    When ANYONE starts talking, politics OR religion
    I can automatically think…
    Here comes a trigger… and feel MY feelings as the discussion continues…
    Where in my body are these feelings…
    notice this
    love them and then try and send them down to “fertilize ME to nourish and love ME”
    Wonder why I would want to HURT myself
    with this rage?
    You are My darling Treasure Azure,
    My Darling Treasure!!!



  5.  #5Tee on December 11, 2015 at 12:55 pm

    I think I spoke too soon :/



  6.  #6Daria on December 11, 2015 at 12:56 pm

    Your anger over your own unmet dreams

    I have a lot of it now

    I will practice this lovely tool instead of blaming ‘life’



  7.  #7April Rose on December 11, 2015 at 2:25 pm

    “After you’ve tried this Tool – we’ll expand on Reversing The Flow as a “Radiant” state of being, where what’s getting nourished inside you just pours out of you. Anger turned to love.”

    Wow. Very much looking forward to the second part, Rori.

    This whole post speaks to my heart and the revelations I’ve had over the last months. Living from the ‘inside out’ feels natural and empowering. Living from the ‘outside in’ had me in a near-constant state of reaction to outside circumstances.

    There is an ease in allowing myself to be joyful no matter what is going on in my environment.

    As Rori says so wonderfully here “In other words – it doesn’t matter what’s going on.
    You can still allow yourself to feel good. And that allowing of yourself to feel good will allow everyone around you – especially a man – to breathe.”

    It seemed counter-intuitive, to feel good in a sad situation or in the company of someone who was complaining. Yet… where did I get the notion that sad needs to be met with sad?

    I nurture my inner happiness like a rare flower.



  8.  #8Femininewoman on December 12, 2015 at 6:35 am

    Me too April Me too



  9.  #9Azure Blu on December 12, 2015 at 8:12 am

    April
    Love this:
    “I nurture my inner happiness like a rare flower.”



  10.  #10Indigo on December 12, 2015 at 10:38 am

    Hi Sirens,

    It’s my turn to recount a tenant horror story. I feel shaking and upset. The woman a couple of flats down was extremely verbally abusive to me this evening – well it felt like it to me and I am pretty sensitive. She called me a “piece of sh1t” and a “b1tch”. I didn’t say a word to her, not one word, I went back inside my flat. I am shaking, I feel violated and horrified at how awful some people can be. I am angry with her, I am furious. The trustees of the complex (of which I am one) have requested that people not smoke and chat in the passageways outside the flats as it causes a disturbance to the other residents. This evening this woman and a friend were again reverting to their old habits and I peeked out to take a look – she unleashed a torrent of abuse on me and I just feel so livid.

    This triggers me because I am sensitive and deep down I have a fear that I am making a “big deal” out of things and that I am going to be judged for it. It goes right to that spot when I am aware of something in my periphery that is disturbing to me and I go to check it out. I end up feeling unsure if I am “overreacting” or not entitled to my feelings of disturbance. I feel very concerned with doing what is right and also doing the right thing by myself and defending my need for peace – and I am sure I am not the only one with a need for peace. In this case, I feel that I do have a right to peace about this – having conversations and smoking outside other people’s front doors IS inconsiderate. I would never do it. The trustees and managing agent feel this way too. And yet my fear if of being seen as “snobbish” or “better than” or controlling or too pernickety.

    These particular tenants created numerous disturbances in the past. They are pissed that I complain and that I monitor it. They are also I suppose pissed at the feeling of being monitored like a school child by a prefect.

    I feel strong and I also feel OH SO sensitive and like I do not fit in. I feel protective of myself. I feel an anger and an extreme annoyance at people who are not considerate and take advantage of other people. I feel so sad that someone would speak to me that way. I feel a hatred towards swearing and any kind of overtly hurtful words or behaviour. I feel so shaky inside. I feel like I don’t fit in, I feel like I don’t belong at all.



  11.  #11Lovergirl on December 12, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    (((Indigo))) Those women sound nasty and way out of line. I would feel awful too, but please don’t blame yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, they did. They just don’t like the rules and they were inconsiderate in the first place, even more so for talking to you that way. They are trying to intimidate you and that is why they were so rude. I feel like not responding was probably the best thing to do.



  12.  #12Indigo on December 12, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    Thank you Lovergirl, yes that’s it exactly. xx



  13.  #13Millie on December 12, 2015 at 11:17 pm

    I don’t really understand the new tool…but I’d really like to!! How can you turn all your triggers and blame into you and into nourishing your roots? To me that sounds and feels like internalizing. How can negative reactions and anger become food for your soul? “The anger of unmet dreams.” What a powerful statement and feels very true to me.



  14.  #14HeartBeat on December 12, 2015 at 11:17 pm

    I’m with Lovergirl, geez that sounds disgusting.
    Hope that you’re alright Indigo



  15.  #15HeartBeat on December 13, 2015 at 12:47 am

    #14, the incident in the hallway sounds disgusting, not agreeing with Lovergirl lol geez.



  16.  #16Indigo on December 13, 2015 at 1:05 am

    Thanks Heartbeat, they are nasty, awful, intimidating. I wish people like that would just disappear. I feel compassion for them but not enough to want to put up with them. I think I want to move :/ I need peace.



  17.  #17A on December 13, 2015 at 1:46 pm

    Dear Rori and Sirens,
    I need help! Big time! I have lost the man of my dreams and I feel terrible.
    I was engaged to an amazing man. A man who I am so deeply in love with and do not want to lose for good. He is kind, caring, loving and hard working. We had a fantastic relationship. I never once doubted him or didn’t trust him. He works away during the week and comes home to me on weekends.
    On Saturday, he was working in town but left his phone at home. I got curious and read it. I found one text from a few months ago from another woman. They had exchanged a few photos and sexted, but only once. I lost the plot. I told him the engagement was off and got so mad.
    I went out and got drunk. When I got home I got abusive and broke his tv. I hate myself for reacting so poorly. He wanted to talk and reason before I went out but I just didn’t know what else to do and I was too mad to talk then. I should have said I am too angry but we will talk later.
    We spoke last night and I found out she was just a random who had given him her number. He had forgotten that he’d texted her because he loved me so much. I know it’s hard for us both because we are apart so much. It is so out of character for him. I have said I can forgive him because it was a once off and there was no further contact or any other messages to other girls. He said he never would have spoken to her face to face. I know it will take time for me to fully trust him again but I do honestly believe our relationship is worth saving. Please help me win him back! I’ve been in toxic relationships before and this is not one. Please please help! A



  18.  #18A on December 13, 2015 at 1:50 pm

    Sorry I should say, because of my reaction he is questioning whether he really wants to be with me. I am not normally like that either but I was devastated. It was a terrible reaction from me and now I could lose him for good!



  19.  #19April Rose on December 13, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    I feel for you Indigo.

    Sometimes I feel sooo upset by other people’s behaviour. It makes me despair for the human race.

    And….and… there is opportunity for self-empowerment here…

    As Rori says so wonderfully in this post “In other words – it doesn’t matter what’s going on.
    You can still allow yourself to feel good. And that allowing of yourself to feel good will allow everyone around you – especially a man – to breathe.”

    This is super-challenging, and I am taking baby baby steps.
    I have experienced hostilities towards me recently, that warranted me calling the police. I reported the intimidation. The police officers who visited me were kind and supportive.

    Often, when we become our authentic selves, others respond with rejection or meanness. Out of the blue.

    I take it as a compliment, and I interpret it to mean that I am more substantial than someone who is just ‘nice’.



  20.  #20Mandy on December 13, 2015 at 7:09 pm

    This is great right now. I feel a bit meek speaking at the moment because I’ve been ill and I have a well-meaning rubber band man I think in the midst, lol. Got a guy saying all I want to hear but totally ditching out on dates. I’m not sure I’ll ever get one out of the guy.omg did you hear what I just said…get a date out of him…wow…so masculine and methodical dial it back a notch honey, lol…so all I have left to do is lean back but I feel so…….yearning at the moment. You know like how you are when you get out of a relationship. I have to remember the rock feeling. I have to remember I’m my own best friend and anything coming from any situation is going to be bc of what I put out. I feel vulnerable and scared of feeling vulnerable bc I’m afraid it will make me look needy. My emotional position doesn’t feel to be helping, how can I choose to see this differently? I went a round or two with telling feeling messages but today doesn’t seem to be a talky day for him even though he said we would. I just don’t know how to trust what he says if he doesn’t fulfill it.



  21.  #21Dixie on December 13, 2015 at 8:18 pm

    April rose,
    This spoke to me:

    “Often, when we become our authentic selves, others respond with rejection or meanness. Out of the blue.

    I take it as a compliment, and I interpret it to mean that I am more substantial than someone who is just ‘nice’.”

    Yes, yes, yes. The biggest hurdle I’ve overcome is being authentic even if it means becoming vulnerable. Sometimes it’s very easy -like when I feel alive when teaching or with certain friends- but sometimes, it feels so scary (like with my own sister, lol).

    In the past, like Indigo, I would question myself, ask if I was the odd one out here, but I’m beginning to embrace this part of myself. Sometimes people open up the same way (when D. used to melt into mush right in front of me!) and others totally stiffen up and get defensive. But yes, it’s a total gift to ourselves when we stay “true”.

    What I want to work on now is for me to stay open when someone else shares their authentic self with me. Because I know that sometimes other people’s ability to be “real” scares me….. And makes me want to build walls rather than take them down…



  22.  #22Indigo on December 13, 2015 at 8:45 pm

    April Rose,

    I too was very touched by these words: “Often, when we become our authentic selves, others respond with rejection or meanness. Out of the blue.”

    Oh there was plenty of empowerment of me happening there. There’s been lots of empowerment happening in my life recently. And I’ve been doing all of this long enough to know about the reactions it brings out in others… It’s their hurtful behaviour which bothers me. I’m growing yes, and I can see that… but I’m still flesh and bone and I still hurt when you try to wound me.

    So, it IS a great compliment, and I am definitely coming to see it as such. The maelstrom when you stir up the people around you always brings healing and peace and love and clarity in time… but in the meantime you may get hit with some flying debris and it’s not pleasant.

    I am going to be more practical and assertive next time.

    I’m so sorry to hear about your incident. And I’m so glad the police officers were supportive and kind (hugs)



  23.  #23Millie on December 13, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    I miss M.
    I want to contact him.



  24.  #24Lisa on December 14, 2015 at 12:12 am

    I love it, i love it, i love it. Daria I remember reading and looking for your comments on Roris’ post, a while ago. I loved how you expressed yourself! I feel like I’m your fan.
    I can allow myself to feel good and that will allow my man to feel good. I love it!



  25.  #25Azure Blu on December 14, 2015 at 2:29 am

    ((((Indigo)))))
    I feel angry that you were treated with this extreme disrespect by this woman.
    I think this was so powerful that you DIDNT respond to her abusive tirade!
    She was probably looking for a fight… your dignified response spoke Volumes!! Brava brightly shining Siren!

    How interesting for me to read other Sirens posts about sharing our truth and being open and vulnerable to others sometimes causes them to react by getting angry or pulling away…

    I have been experiencing that with my family lately and I was getting down on myself…
    Wondering what was going on…
    I am sharing more of who I am
    and NOT just ignoring the elephants in the room
    and I’m NOT saying one thing but thinking something else…
    I Love what April Rose wrote!!
    “I take it as a compliment, and I interpret it to mean that I am more substantial than someone who is just ‘nice’.”
    and what Indigo wrote…
    “The maelstrom when you stir up the people around you
    always brings healing and peace
    and love and clarity in time…
    but in the meantime you may get hit
    with some flying debris and it’s not pleasant.”



  26.  #26Azure Blu on December 14, 2015 at 2:31 am

    (((April Rose)))
    I feel so sorry to hear about your incident that was upsetting and hostile that you had to call the police!
    I feel good that they were kind and helpful!
    oxoxo



  27.  #27Indigo on December 14, 2015 at 3:26 am

    Azure Blu,

    Oh thank you for your hugs and kind words. I appreciate them. On the note of that incident, I reported it to our managing agent and to the Chairperson who helped to further contextualise it for me. My birthday present to myself was that I wrote this woman a handwritten letter (she or one of her buddies had put a used condom on my gate which greeted me when I got home) saying that I did not know if it was her who did this but that I had reported the incident on Saturday night and that the owner of her unit would also be informed of her behaviour. That smoking and socialising in the passageways was inconsiderate and a nuisance and that all the residents had been requested not to do it and that as a Trustee I had the authority to monitor it. That if she was verbally abusive to me again I would seek legal advice.

    I felt such a weight release off my shoulders when I did this, and also I felt a sense of compassion for her.

    Be warned Azure Blu, if you start on this authentic journey you WILL be met with anger and aggression by some. But the strength to handle it will come from somewhere, and things will get better.

    Love to you



  28.  #28Azure Blu on December 14, 2015 at 12:13 pm

    Indigo #25
    Mmmm… I like that letter!
    Yes… I have been on this authentic journey now with “directions” from Rori, for 3 years…
    As you and she predicts…
    Many fall away, as i journey bravely forward,
    on MY BRIDGE to Happilyeverafter!

    I’ve been sitting in the soup for the past week as my mother worked through her anger, my sister works through her truths
    My daughter works through hers
    and Spirit pulls back
    because with each of these lovely, adorable people
    I have spoken my truth…
    am looking inside myself for MY TRUTH
    and have an open and loving heart when they approach me.
    I won’t lie… it has been VERY rocky but with the Rori tools and the Siren Island love and support and shining a candle at the open door…
    I feel stronger!
    Love you all during this Merry Christmas and Holiday Season!



  29.  #29Azure Blu on December 14, 2015 at 12:19 pm

    as Rori so magically says:
    “In the meantime – expect messiness.
    Expect “ugliness” – and embrace it as BEAUTIFUL.
    Expect “bouncing” in your feelings,
    and just ride with it.
    Hang onto your feeling messages,
    stay with yourself and on your beautiful Horse,
    and just keep going toward the life you want.
    It starts inside you –
    with the COURAGE TO EXPERIMENT,
    retrack if you need to,
    and just keep going.”!!!!



  30.  #30Liquid Light on December 14, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    Azure,

    I struggle with being organized too. I’m trying to lighten up about it though as I believe that being disorganized/messy can even be a good thing. Creative people are often a bit messy and disorganized so try to give yourself a break about it. It probably correlates to your going through an extra creative phase! 🙂

    Here’s to lightening up and going easier on ourselves especially through the holidays and into the New Year!

    Cheers and big big hug to you, Azure!



  31.  #31Azure Blu on December 14, 2015 at 3:06 pm

    Liquid Light!!
    Ahhh… thank you shining brightly Siren!
    i believe you are right!! I am being VERY hard on myself…
    and sooo… it it spilling onto those close to ME..
    I want to give my lil girl lots of love and caring
    and cherish her disorganized, sunny sweet self!
    she is craving it…. oxoxoxo.



  32.  #32Echoes on January 24, 2016 at 9:02 pm

    @Millie #13

    I don’t get it either. The “anger over unmet dreams” certainly resonates, but the rest is a bit esoteric for me. How does anger get mulched and turned into “food” to nurture one’s own happiness? The conversion process is not clear to me.