Turn What Makes You Cry Into What Makes Him Love You

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Ever weep when you see a baby animal? Ever thought that would turn your man off, so you look away from him or get all embarrassed?

Well, that’s what we independent, smart, organized, successful, always busy with work, school or parenting women have been taught to do our whole lives – to be “tough.”

Some of us are lucky, and grew up in households where it was okay to cry – most of us were told to “pipe down.” We have the idea in our heads that it’s only MEN who were told growing up that “crying is s sign of weakness” – but we women were told that, too. We were told to not be “so emotional.” We were told not to “be a Drama Queen.” And so every time a real FEELING starts to come to the surface, we feel so vulnerable, and so embarrassed, we either stuff the feeling down or helplessly explode in dramatic scenes whenever we feel crummy.

So how does this affect your relationship with your man? If what we were told were right, we’d create more peace and harmony and good feelings by keeping our feelings under wraps – but it does just the opposite!

Not being able to open up to a man creates a WALL between you. It makes him unable to get to you – to your heart – and after a while he just gives up trying. There’s just no way a man can feel safe enough to open HIMSELF up to YOU if you can’t open up to him, and show him who you are – first.

Yes, a man might have a difficult moment or two around us when we cry, but within seconds, he’s usually RELIEVED. And, ultimately, it’s what both of you need.

So, next time you see a movie that makes you cry, or see a cute animal picture in an email, or think of some injustice in the world that makes you want to cry and then spit in fury – turn to your man.

Let the tears run down your face, and just be still and don’t apologize. This is what he wants to see – this is what he wants – a woman who can feel, so that HE can feel safe to feel in YOUR presence.

Next post will be “The Emotional Orgasm: How To Do it By Yourself or With Others” – showing you how to break through the embarrassment of being vulnerable by learning to cry by yourself – and feeling comfortable, relieved, stronger, and even more YOURSELF when you do…

Let me know how your tears affect your man…


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  1.  #1Cassandra on September 18, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    Hi Rori,
    I must admit that I actually experienced this very thing just last night. My man and I were watching that TV show “Bones”. We were all snuggled up together watching the show and it was an episode where a german shephard was ordered by his master to attack a man but the dog ended up killing him. In the end of the show the german shephard ended up dying. I am an animal LOVER so of course when the dog died, I had tears running down my face. I happen to be laying in a position where my man could not see my face but he noticed that I was wiping a tear from my cheek. As soon as he saw that, he took my face in his hands and lifted my chin up so that I had to look at him and he then LOVINGLY asked me if I was crying and why. I simply told him that I felt sad because the dog died and he only did what he was ordered to do, that it was not even his fault but his master was at fault. MY MAN, my usually distant, seemingly unfeeling and somewhat emotionally cold man…..then LOVINGLY wiped the tears from my eyes, rubbed his hand across my face and kissed my forehead. I was shocked. I didn’t even do any of this on purpose – I was simply watching a silly TV show that brought up some emotions in me that made me cry. I guess the fact that I felt sad because of the dog dying and showed that without hiding it touched his heart and moved him to “take care of me” so to speak in the way that he did. All I can say is that it was wonderful and I felt so loved.

    I have really been trying to use your Feeling Messages lately and I have indeed noticed a big difference. The experience that I mentioned above was most definitely ‘by accident’ but I will always remember it as a HUGE learning tool for me!! Thank you for all you do!!


  2.  #2Rori Raye on September 18, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    Wow, Thank You so much for this, Cassandra. Hearing your story is so helpful – it makes it so much easier for all of us to actually get how this works. It makes us feel braver to try it…Love, Rori

  3.  #3Uschi on September 6, 2009 at 5:31 pm

    I think mine would walk away if I was that emotional but I did see him almost cry once in a movie that had to do with war but he walked away and didn’t show his emotions

  4.  #4Jeannette on March 22, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    Guys, I have been crying here because of something I discovered today. My ex long distance I found is now on one of the dating sites. He speaks of his favorite movie, “Somewhere In Time” a very romantic movie from the 70’s. Anyway I am so confused. He broke up with me after 2 1/2 years because of the distance between us. I am so hurt because that is the movie I had as my profile header when he found me. He even uses one of the lines as his header in his new profile. We both loved the movie so much. What is wrong with him, why did he give me up? I am so hurt, so confused! I want to call him and ask him why he is doing all this?

  5.  #5Symantha on November 21, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    Hi Rori,

    where I can find the post that you mention in the las line?
    “The Emotional Orgasm: How To Do it By Yourself or With Others”

    Im revisiting your blog is so full of insights 🙂